Lucas Reyes Talks All: Childhood Trauma, Drama, Mental Health, CHISME & MORE!

Summary

Podcast Summary: Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized

Episode Title: Lucas Reyes Talks All: Childhood Trauma, Drama, Mental Health, CHISME & MORE!
Release Date: November 15, 2024
Host: Alannized & Studio71
Guest: Lucas Reyes
Duration: Approximately 152 minutes

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Introduction

In this deeply personal and candid episode of "Noche de Pendejadas," host Alan Heist welcomes Lucas Reyes, a content creator, mental health advocate, and talent manager. The conversation delves into Lucas's tumultuous childhood, traumatic experiences, struggles with mental health, and his journey through the complexities of social media fame.

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Childhood and Family Dynamics

Lucas Reyes opens up about his upbringing, describing himself as a "travieso" (mischievous) child who often felt like an outcast. He shares the unique experience of balancing his life between the United States and Guatemala, highlighting how this bicultural upbringing shaped his identity.

Lucas Reyes [06:59]: "Balancing life between the United States and Guatemala for me also really, like, shaped who I am doing stuff and always, like, in the mix, always trying to, like, create chaos and drama."

His parents frequently moved between the two countries to ensure Lucas stayed connected to his roots in Guatemala, fostering a strong sense of family but also introducing significant cultural and language barriers.

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Traumatic Experience in Guatemala

At the age of seven, Lucas recounts a harrowing incident in Guatemala where he was abducted by an older man. This traumatic event left lasting scars, both physically and emotionally. He describes the fear and confusion he felt during the ordeal and the subsequent lack of support from his family, who initially did not believe his account.

Lucas Reyes [15:00]: "When I was seven years old, I was abducted by an older man in Guatemala. It was a life-threatening situation that left me with deep emotional and physical scars."

The abduction led to recurring nightmares and flashbacks, severely impacting his mental health and self-esteem. Despite eventually overcoming some of these challenges, Lucas continues to grapple with the trauma's long-term effects.

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Impact on Mental Health and Relationships

Lucas discusses how his traumatic childhood experiences contributed to trust issues and difficulties in forming healthy relationships. Feeling unseen and unheard by his family, he often resorted to rebellious behavior to seek attention and validation. This pattern extended into his teenage years, exacerbating his feelings of isolation and low self-worth.

Lucas Reyes [34:24]: "I was trying so hard to just fit into crowds and to be somebody and try to feel seen and to be validated because I wasn't getting it within like my own household or within my own family."

His strained relationship with his brother further complicated his emotional landscape, leading to a disconnection that persists into adulthood.

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Social Media Journey and Challenges

Lucas's foray into social media began in his early teens, initially using platforms like YouNow and later expanding to YouTube. He found solace and a sense of community online, allowing him to express himself creatively despite his troubled background. However, his rise to online fame also brought its own set of challenges, including cyberbullying and false rumors.

Lucas Reyes [108:58]: "People really do hate me. No one believes me. Not even my own family or close friends."

A significant turning point occurred when negative rumors, including false reports of his demise, spread across social media platforms. These incidents intensified his mental health struggles, leading to hospitalization.

Lucas Reyes [141:35]: "I was like, no, he’s not dead. That’s crazy."

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Coping Strategies and Advice

Throughout the episode, Lucas emphasizes the importance of self-care, surrounding oneself with supportive individuals, and seeking professional help when needed. He advocates for authenticity and standing one's truth despite external skepticism and adversity.

Lucas Reyes [97:42]: "Stand your truth, stand your ground and know that whatever you went through, eventually it's going to come to light. Someone will believe you."

He also shares his personal strategies for managing stress and maintaining mental peace, such as cognitive therapy and mindful communication.

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Future Aspirations

Looking ahead, Lucas envisions himself as a successful entrepreneur, planning to establish multiple businesses, including a talent agency. He aspires to build a family and continue advocating for mental health awareness, drawing inspiration from his resilient mother.

Lucas Reyes [150:07]: "In five years, I see myself definitely as a businessman. I see myself with five businesses. I see myself doing real estate, State..."

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Conclusion

In this powerful episode, Lucas Reyes offers a raw and unfiltered glimpse into his life, marked by early trauma, ongoing mental health battles, and the highs and lows of social media fame. His story underscores the resilience of the human spirit and the importance of seeking support and maintaining authenticity in the face of adversity.

Lucas Reyes [152:10]: "I hope that anybody watching on the other side of the screen, I hope you know that you are loved, you are valued, and that if you're ever going through anything that it's okay to speak up and it's, it's okay to not be okay."

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Notable Quotes:

1. [06:59] Lucas Reyes: "Balancing life between the United States and Guatemala for me also really, like, shaped who I am doing stuff and always, like, in the mix, always trying to, like, create chaos and drama."

2. [34:24] Lucas Reyes: "I was trying so hard to just fit into crowds and to be somebody and try to feel seen and to be validated because I wasn't getting it within like my own household or within my own family."

3. [97:42] Lucas Reyes: "Stand your truth, stand your ground and know that whatever you went through, eventually it's going to come to light. Someone will believe you."

4. [152:10] Lucas Reyes: "I hope that anybody watching on the other side of the screen, I hope you know that you are loved, you are valued, and that if you're ever going through anything that it's okay to speak up and it's, it's okay to not be okay."

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Final Thoughts:

This episode of "Noche de Pendejadas" serves as a testament to Lucas Reyes's strength and vulnerability. His honesty provides listeners with a nuanced understanding of the interplay between personal trauma, mental health, and the often unforgiving nature of online communities. Lucas's journey emphasizes the critical need for empathy, understanding, and support for individuals navigating similar struggles.

For more insights and empowering conversations, subscribe to "Noche de Pendejadas" and follow Alannized on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok.

Transcript

[Podcast Host]

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[Lucas Reyes]

That is what led me to the hospital because my mind got so clouded with negative thoughts that I no longer felt safe in my environment.

[Alan Heist]

What is up everyone? I'm your host Alan Heist and this is Noche de Pende Cadas, your favorite podcast turned talk show. And on the yo trigo atus influencers favoritos para platicar y po? S que yo yual. So without further ado, please help me welcome tonight's guest, Lucas Reyes.

[Lucas Reyes]

Hello. Hello. Thank you so much for having me. I'm good, I'm good. How are you?

[Alan Heist]

You know what's so funny you guys, I know you guys are sick and tired of always hearing me say this has been A long time in the making, but this truly has been a long time in the making. I feel like me and you have been playing tag.

[Lucas Reyes]

We have been for a while now.

[Alan Heist]

For like, what, more than a year?

[Lucas Reyes]

It has been more than a year.

[Alan Heist]

Literally more than a year. You guys, like, we'll have conversations through dms, like, let's make it happen. Est mes estes. And for whatever the reason is, no se ase ferroste contento. And I'm so excited to have you here. This actually ended up happening, you guys, at a Halloween party. Literally. Literally. Do you remember how I asked you all randomly.

[Lucas Reyes]

Yes.

[Alan Heist]

I was like, do you want a shot?

[Lucas Reyes]

No. But I really appreciate you for having me. I'm really excited to be here. I know it's been, like, very, like, long overdue, but I'm really, like, I'm nervous, but I'm very excited.

[Alan Heist]

And just everything we're going to talk about today EST episode, you guys are going to be able to really, truly get to know you a little bit more. And I feel like that's, you know, the main focus of my podcast. I really do like, you know, bringing on my guests to tell their story para que la genteel. So with that being said, amigas y ques.

[Lucas Reyes]

My name is Lucas reyes. I am 22 years old. I am from Lake County, Illinois, or we could say Chicago, Illinois. But I'm a content creator, I'm a mental health advocate, and I am a talent manager.

[Alan Heist]

In a very deeper level. I know you've been here for what, like a week already? What have you done? What has been like, the highlight of your week and stay here in la?

[Lucas Reyes]

It's been quite interesting. I feel like I've been all over the place. Every time I come to la, I feel like it's very, like, inevitable. I always end up just like, freestyling life. I had a couple events to go to. I think I saw you there. Uhhuh.

[Alan Heist]

Halloween.

[Lucas Reyes]

Yes, the Halloween event. I had Mary's birthday party and had other things to do here as well. And I feel like it's just been. It's been a good time. I brought, like, some of my friends out with me. I'm just. I don't know, I'm just here, I'm traveling. I like, I love it here. I feel like LA is just like a second home.

[Alan Heist]

Because literally.

[Lucas Reyes]

There'S like.

[Alan Heist]

Two parties out in LA this weekend. You guys, are you leaving, like, right after the parties or what?

[Lucas Reyes]

I think so. I think I'm gonna leave, like, right after yeah. After a while, I feel like I get, like, very homes.

[Alan Heist]

Like, there comes a moment where you're like, you know what? I just want to lock myself in my house. Like, social battery really does get drained.

[Lucas Reyes]

No, definitely. I feel like after, like, the first few days that I was here, it was just like party after party after party. Being out. I was just like, I need to recharge. Like, I need to go home and relax. I need to decompress. I need a little spa day, you know, like, just time for myself. But definitely, like, it does get exhausting. It does get really draining. But I feel like being around the right people is what makes it, like, very memorable.

[Alan Heist]

Memorable. I feel like, for sure, you guys, even though Yotamima cancel tantas fiestas. So with that being said, amigas, yo almost impesar con el chisme, almost en pesar con las preguntas. And I'm gonna go ahead and start off with the peregunta with. And that is about your childhood. What was it like for Lucas growing up?

[Lucas Reyes]

Lucas growing up? I feel like I was a really big, like, travieso, you know, like, very big troublemaker. I was always, like, putting my nose into things and always trying to, like, push people's buttons. I also feel like that has a lot to do with, like, my childhood and things that I went through, but I was always, like. I feel like I was always the outcast growing up. Balancing life between the United States and Guatemala for me also really, like, shaped who I am doing stuff and always, like, in the mix, always trying to, like, create chaos and drama, you know? And I feel like that had a lot to do with, like, things that I went through or, like, things that.

[Alan Heist]

How you were raised.

[Lucas Reyes]

How I was raised.

[Alan Heist]

And you mention it now, that at an early age of five, you were constantly going back and forth from Guatemala and the usa. How was that like for you growing up? Do you feel like you were able to, like, grasp what was really going on? Because I feel like that's a really huge cultural change. Going from the USA and then going to Guatemala at such an early age. Were you conscious of what was, like, going on at that time?

[Lucas Reyes]

Yes, obviously, like, I was, like, very, very young, so it was very hard for me to, like, really comprehend.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

But I do think there was a lot of difference in dynamic and culture, and I feel like it. It was a really big eye opener for me, you know, the difference between Guatemala and the United States. I feel like it was honestly, like. Like I was living, like, two lives. I was like, really to, like, have both, like. Like best of both worlds, you know? Literally. Literally, like Hannah Montana.

[Alan Heist]

Like, why would your parents go back and forth between Guatemala and the usa, do you know?

[Lucas Reyes]

So I guess they just really wanted me to, like, experience, like, what it was like for them to grow up and where they came from, so. And plus, I also had a lot of family over there, so I just feel like they wanted me to, like, grasp that, like, I just be closer to roots, huh? And just be closer. Exactly. Like, be closer to my roots and stuff. And so I would go there from time to time. I would spend a lot of my time in Guatemala, like, as a child, and I would spend time with my cousins and my TIAs and a lot of family, you know, over there in Guatemala, like, literally, you have so much family. Like, I feel like till this day, I'm still, like, meeting so much family that I.

[Alan Heist]

Know.

[Lucas Reyes]

Literally.

[Alan Heist]

What was that? Like, Ovia mentioned Los cuentas, that when you would go to Guatemala, you liked it because, you know, you had a lot of family, AKA these family members turn into your friends that you would play with. Did you enjoy the times where you would go to Guatemala or did you kind of were like, oh, my God, I want to go back to the States. Like, no me gusta qui. What was that like for you?

[Lucas Reyes]

I would say, like, being in Guatemala always felt, like, indifferent, because, like, I guess being from the United States, I felt like I was, like, more Americanized than the usual Guatemalteco, you know, even myself now, like, I feel like nobody can tell that I'm Guatemalan. Right? I don't look like it. I feel like I don't fit that standard, you know, but that's also because, you know, my dad is half, like, German or. No, my dad is, like, German and, like, Italian descent. So obviously, like, you know, I'm half Guatemalteco. And I feel like over there, I had, like, language barriers where I was going back from English to Spanish. And I just kept trying to, like, fit into both places because obviously, like, the U.S. you know, I had family over here and. And, like, nobody. Nobody in the United States, like, spoke Spanish. None of my family here speaks Spanish. But over there, everybody spoke Spanish. So it was just like, it was very different in culture, very different in language. And I just feel like the whole dynamic and everything was, like, so different, but also gave me a lot of perspective, and it opened my eyes so much. Just, like, being over there. I haven't been there in such a long time, but I really feel like, it shaped who I am today.

[Alan Heist]

I feel like it does. Especially seeing all of that at a young age. You know, you go to Guatemala and you see how different life is. The way of life in Guatemala, I'm sure, is so much different than it is over here. And you seen that at such a young age. Como que tavioso. And you're like, oh, shit. Like, I really am a place of privilege living in the States. When did you grasp onto the idea of, like, oh, like, ini. I'm really privileged to, like, be able to live in the States as well. Did you ever have a moment like that?

[Lucas Reyes]

I did. Seeing the way that, like, my family lived over there, it really opened my eyes because they didn't really have much, you know, and even, like, the little details I paid attention, like, the way that, you know, they would go out and get their food, the way they would wash their clothes. Just the way that they live their daily. Exactly. The way that they live their daily lives was so, like, indifferent from the way that I lived my life in the United States or the way that my family was living over here. So I definitely did feel, like, very privileged going back to the United States because I realized that we were living a luxury life compared to them. You know, our life was, like, very luxurious, and we're living the life that they wish that they could live. And I always felt really bad because I would be there for months at a time, and then I would go back. And then I just felt bad because I'm like, they don't have that opportunity to be able to come back to the United States.

[Alan Heist]

Like, that life.

[Lucas Reyes]

Yeah, that's their life. And it's like, I feel like I was just getting a glimpse of their life, and I was just like. I was just, like, temporary, temporarily, like, living their life.

[Alan Heist]

You almost kind of knew growing up that you're like, okay, yeah, like, maybe the lifestyle isn't as nice as it is in America, but I know that I'll be here for, like, a month or two immediately. Like, you know that this is not, like, your reality.

[Lucas Reyes]

Exactly.

[Alan Heist]

Would you guys go more to, like, visit, or would you guys more go to, like, actually live out there? Like, for time to time, we would.

[Lucas Reyes]

Go more for, like, travel, and, like, we would go around and explore, like, different, like.

[Alan Heist]

Like the Ciudad.

[Lucas Reyes]

Exactly. Like, different city, do different excursions. We would go out to different playas and different amusement parks over there just to get, like, a feel of, like, what it's like to, like, live over there. Exactly. But it was the best of Both worlds. We would go for vacationes of course them we would also go and visit family and a lot of my family lives like hours apart. So we would drive and drive and drive and we would stay there for like a week and then we would leave and then we would just. Every day was like a movie, you know, every day was a freestyle. Whatever we wanted to do, we would make the plan the day of and then we would go and we would.

[Alan Heist]

Do it in Guatemala Algo. That really did change your life and your perspective and you know, how did that change your perspective on life at such a young age?

[Lucas Reyes]

Well, being in Guatemala obviously you know, I had a lot of good memories. I spent a lot of good time like I had a lot of good times with my family over there, but also went through something that I don't wish on my worst enemy. The last time I actually been to Guatemala, I, I don't really talk about this but the last time I was there, I have not been back since was when I was seven years old. I remember I was staying with my grandparents at the time and my parents weren't there, my mom wasn't there. No one was there. They were not here. Yeah, they were over here in the United States. But not to say that they just left me behind and didn't care about me or anything. I just think they just wanted me to like experience their culture. I was staying with my grandparents and you know, as a little kid over there like you're working at a very young age, like they put you to work, they have you, you know, walking the streets, doing this and that, you know, hopping from mercado to mercado, you know, picking stuff up. They had sent me to go pick up some tortillas and to go deliver to my Thea's house who was not too far down the street from my grandparents house. And I remember I. I vividly remember like walking the dirt roads. I remember seeing like the little pueblo. I remember seeing just the little. We had like these little tuk tuks, these little like cars, I don't know and then the little stray dogs, everyone, you know, but I remember walking by myself. I went to go pick up these handmade tortillas, I went to my Thea's house, I went to go drop them off and as I was doing that some man, some older man came up to me. He looked at me and as soon as I looked at him like I just knew something was wrong. It's just the way that he looked at me, like the way we made that Eye contact. I just knew that I was, like, in danger. And as soon as I looked at him, he came up to me and he grabbed me. Didn't speak to me, didn't say anything, just grabbed me. He grabbed me by the wrist really, really hard. And all I remember is him grabbing me, pulling me in, and just laughing. He was just laughing in my face. And obviously, with the language barriers, I didn't really know how to express myself. I didn't really know what to say. I feel like I was trying to defend myself, but I didn't know how to defend myself. And he pulled me to his house that was, like, two houses down from where my tia lived. This is, like, one of my hardest stories to talk about, and it's something that not even my family understands. I feel like I struggle with talking about it because for years and years and years, like, my own family didn't believe me. But when I was seven years old, I was abducted by this older man in Guatemala. It was just, like, one of those experiences that you don't fully understand.

[Alan Heist]

You were 72 at the time of your.

[Lucas Reyes]

And at that time, like, it marks you forever. I just remember being in shock. I remember being scared. I remember being fearful. I remember wondering, like, where is my mom at? Where's my dad? Where are my parents? You know, in that moment, it's just one of those gut instincts that you have, like, I'm in danger. I'm grateful I had the strength that I did as a kid, because I remember he brought me into this house, and he basically told me that I was never going to see sunlight again. I remember being placed in a chair. I was in front of a fire pit. All I seen was fire. I was in a chair. He tied me up in the chair. And all I could think about was, I'm never gonna see my family again. I'm never gonna see my mom again. I'm never gonna. I'm like, I'm never gonna know. I'm never gonna be able to experience life. I'm never gonna be able to, like, grow up.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

I just remember I had so much fear. I had so much anxiety. I just felt so scared. I felt so fearful. He was saying all types of things to me. And obviously, like, at that time, I was still. Like I said, I was still trying to balance from English to Spanish. I barely understood what he was telling me, but all I knew it was. It was not good things.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

He was just telling me things that I understood, that I wasn't in a safe environment.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

You know, I understood that I needed to somehow find an escape and get out and leave because I knew the situation I was in, it was not a good situation. But I also didn't know how I would explain this to my family. Yeah, because I was, I was always seen as like, a troublemaker. I was always seen as like an attention seeker. Like I said, I was like the Travieso in my family. And I feel like no one ever believed me from, like a very young age. So in that moment, I was just like, what is my family gonna think? What is my mom gonna think? I was just so scared. I was so fearful for my life. I remember sitting there, I was in front of the fire pit. He was telling me all these evil things. And I remember the moment that he left the room. I took everything in my power to just. I took initiative. I was like, I need to find a way out. I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I. I just need to get out of here. I have a family. I'm here alone. I don't have anybody here. I need to, I need to find an exit.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

And so I remember being in the chair, I waddled myself, you know, until I dropped to the floor. And when I dropped to the floor, there was like this little sewer, this little sewer, like this hole, like this little sewer thingy on the floor. Like all the floor was like cement. There's this little sewer thing. And it had like, it had like this little metal thingy. Like, I don't know how to explain it, but it was like this little metal, metal thingy poking up from outside of it. And I remember cut, like cutting the rope. Like I, I, I maneuvered myself, like on the chair. And I remember just like, like rubbing myself against the floor, trying to cut it, trying to get myself, you know, out of this situation. I just feel like everything happens so fast. And like I said, I'm seven years old. So these are like.

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[Podcast Host]

Hi Bald.

[Alan Heist]

It's me, Trixie Mattel, skinny legend and.

[Lucas Reyes]

Board certified H Vac Sommelier. And me, Katya Zamalishkova, the sweatiest creature in showbiz. Reminding you to subscribe to the Bald and the Beautiful podcast. Listen as we cover topics as varied as proper bidet usage, celebrity impression tutorials, and a television show I recently watched that I'll base my entire personality on for six weeks, as well as creative pest control, tasty limeade recipes, and fun sex act trend. We also chat about boobs and movies and wigs and stuff, which is obviously the public service part of the podcast. So get ready for screaming, cackling and some occasional educational moments as two massively unqualified queens talk about what it's like to be the epitome of fabulous. Go subscribe to the Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie Mattel and Katya Zombie Malach on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you're listening right now. These are like vivid memories that I'm having. I'm remembering very like vivid things about the situation because in that moment I felt like it was just. It was like life or death situation.

[Alan Heist]

Like you really didn't think you were going to make it.

[Lucas Reyes]

I didn't really think I was going to make it out. I didn't know what I needed to do. I just knew I needed to do something. I didn't really have a plan. I didn't. I couldn't even think. You know, I'm a child. I don't really have that much thoughts. I'm in a whole different country.

[Alan Heist]

How long were you in his house for before you started getting to the moment of like trying to escape?

[Lucas Reyes]

I was there for about a day. I remember when I escaped. I didn't necessarily have a plan, but the Moment. The moment I seen that advantage that I had to get up and to go, I took it. I was like, this is my time to. To leave. This is my time to get out of here, to get out of the situation. Because if I don't get out of this situation, I don't know if I will ever see light again. Once I got out of there, once I felt free, I ran out of there. I remember running to my Thea's house. I was banging on the door. I was very hysterical. I was crying. I was screaming. I was telling them, help, help, help. He's coming after me. I don't know what to do. And it took about a few minutes before someone actually opened the door. So the guy was still behind me, still trying to grab me, still trying to pull me away, as the people around were basically telling him to relax, to stop. And as my Thea opened the door, they opened the door, and the guy kind of, like, walked away. He brushed off a little bit. He was just sitting on the side. He was acting like he was like a bystander.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

And I remember my Thea seen him. She was looking out her door, and she was telling people, like, oh, lo siento. I'm so sorry. Like. Like, he's a. He's a troublemaker. I'm sorry for the scene that he's making. They yelled at me, and they told me, why. Why did you leave? Why did you run away? If you would have done what you were supposed to do, this wouldn't have happened. So for me, it was just a very, like, unsettling situation. I felt very unseen. I felt very unheard. And I feel like that's why it's something that's really hard for me to talk about, because I feel like till this day, like, my own family doesn't really believe me. And no one ever really believes me when I talk about this, because they always say that I put myself in these situations because I want attention. I remember my Thea, she was telling the guy, like, oh, he just wants you to feel bad. He just wants us to feel bad for him. She was apologizing to him, basically saying sorry to everyone for the scene that I was causing, for the scene that I was making. And I was like, wow, how could you?

[Alan Heist]

In that moment, did you tell them what actually happened, or were you just kind of like.

[Lucas Reyes]

It's like, physically, they could see it, though. That's the thing I didn't understand. It's like. Like, I was crying. I was hysterical. I had marks on my body. And it's like, nobody even cared to even call home to say, this is what Lucas is going through. This is what's happening. And it was just. It was a very scary situation because even though I was telling them and I was very vocal about it, I just felt like they didn't. I feel like what it was is they didn't want to take responsibility for what had happened to me because my mom and obviously my parents had left me in their care. So I feel like, for them, it was not something that they were comfortable telling, or they didn't want to make.

[Alan Heist]

It a big deal because they were gonna be like, what the hell happened?

[Lucas Reyes]

Right. Exactly. I later found out that the. The guy, like, who did that, he was a pastor for a church.

[Alan Heist]

Oh. So obamente. You know, that happens. You kind of were left very. In a situation where you almost felt like no one believed what happened. Did you ever have a moment when your parents came and get you that you told them what was going on and what was their reaction?

[Lucas Reyes]

The first time that I brought it up, I remember, like, explaining to my mom that, like, I had got kidnapped and a guy had grabbed me by the wrist. And when I had brought it up to her, I think she also was brainwashed by my family as well, and she was led to believe a completely different story. So for a while, she never really, really believed me. I feel like now, eventually, that I've gotten older, I've been able to build that relationship with her and build that trust and foundation to where she actually understands and gets like, oh, you really did go through this. But for a while, as a kid, I feel like I was so overseen, so overlooked, that they even brainwashed my own mother, my own parents, my family, to the point where they were like, no, nothing really happened to you. He didn't mean any harm. And that's where I feel like I started to, like, kind of not believe in myself. I started to believe that, you know, what I had went through was not real. Was not real. You know, I thought, like, for a while, like, this is a dream. Like, there's no way that I went through this, but it's like time and time again, but I would have this same nightmare over and over about the same situation. And every time I would express myself or men mention it, it's like, well, I. I don't recall that happening, or they don't recall that happening, or it didn't happen the way that you believe that it happened. And so, for me, I just felt very silent. I felt like I Know what I went through? I was in the situation. It was physically, it was evident that what I went through was, was, was a serious situation. Especially when I knocked on. I know for a fact when I was banging on that door, there was no way possible that anyone could, could even think that it, that like it was made up. That. Yeah, there could be no way that anyone could think that it was like made up. Yeah, because you could literally see like if I hear someone hysterically knocking at the door, banging, crying, with physical marks on their body.

[Alan Heist]

At your age too, you're like, what the hell is a 7 year old? Whether he's a troublemaker or not, like he has no brain. Well, you at the time probably had no brain to be like, let me make up this story where someone's gonna like abduct me. No, like it's. What was exactly how was that? Like obia mentionos cuentas that for a lot of years, you know, your mom and your family didn't believe you. Did that affect you in the way you kind of communicated anything that was going on to like anyone around you? Did that make you more like a closed off person growing up?

[Lucas Reyes]

For a while, like, I didn't feel safe. I feel like I had to build like a sense of security. You know, I had trust issues for a very long time. Time I didn't. Especially with like, you know, your own family not believing you. You feel like, damn, you're unseen. You feel like you're invisible, you know. And I feel like it really did take a while and it's still something that I'm like progressively learning, something that I'm still trying to, something that I'm still trying to learn and gain. Not being believed in or not being seen or like feeling invalidated. It really does, it really does make you very closed off. It makes you feel like no matter what you say, you're not going to be heard and nobody's gonna care. No one's gonna believe in what you say. So I feel like for a while, no matter what thing that I went through, I would always close myself off and I would never want to talk about it because I knew that no matter what I said, it was always going to be seen as something else and nobody was ever going to believe. Believe me, it really did build a lot of like underlying issues within myself and my self esteem. I felt like no one trusted me. I felt like I was an outcast. Like my whole life I was a child and growing up, I feel like those same patterns led throughout my life and Even talking about that situation, it wasn't until, like, my teen years where people started to believe me, or even now, like, now that I'm in my 20s, like, there's still family that questions that. That story. They questioned that it even happened. And I'm like, well, I'm not asking you to believe me. I'm not asking you to trust me. I'm telling you what happened. And this is my story. And I'm gonna tell my story the way that I know it and the way that I remember it and in the way that I have these recurring dreams because I. I get vivid nightmares all the time. Till this day, I give vivid nightmares about the things that I went through. They're very persistent. It. The story stays the same all the time. I remember the same exact things. Every time I'm vocal about it, it's like, no, you didn't go through that. No, you didn't go through that. And for a while as a kid, it was hard for me to talk about it. It was so hard for me to go into details and to say everything that I went through because, you know, from the moment that I escaped, I was silenced, you know, and it's like, how do you even react? How do you even vocalize yourself? I felt just very like. Like, I felt very silenced. I felt like the lights were on, but nobody was home.

[Alan Heist]

That was the last time you ever went to Guatemala. Was that because you didn't want to go back? Or was it more because the family didn't want you going back because they had seen that you had done this whole ass scene?

[Lucas Reyes]

I didn't want to go back because I was fearful. I was scared for my life. I didn't want that to ever happen to me again. I was traumatized, but I was also. I felt very hurt. I felt very betrayed that my family there didn't even believe me. They didn't even create any type of conversation. Like, to my family, they didn't even care to even tell them what happened. I didn't learn until later on. But obviously with, like I said, with the language barriers with me knowing Spanish and English, obviously I wasn't as articulate in Spanish. Even though Spanish was my first language, I wasn't as articulate in Spanish than they were. So I figured that me explaining myself to them, that they were gonna take that initiative and call home and explain in their words. And I realized, like, that never happened. I noticed the support that I got when I got back home, and I just felt like I was just. I was just not Seen. I feel like my story, like, wasn't being heard. And I just felt so scared. I felt so fearful. I felt like I don't know. And I just, I just didn't feel like living anymore. I felt like, wow, like no one sees me, no one believes me. I went through this and I went through such like a life threatening situation and no one believes me. So it's like, why do I want to continue on my life constantly having to reiterate the same story over and over and over until somebody finally understands me? So someone finally believes that what I went through was real. I don't have video, I don't have evidence, I don't have photos. But I have the emotional scars, I have the physical scars. I have everything tied, like everything in my brain.

[Alan Heist]

And I feel like that's the thing that sucks when, you know, family doesn't believe you. Especially with, with, you know, something so big like this. I hope that you continue healing from this wound. What was that like growing up? Did you feel like growing up you were more of like a daddy's boy or a mommy's boy?

[Lucas Reyes]

I was definitely closer to my mom. We definitely had that strong bond. We had a very strong relationship. I remember like doing puzzles with her. I was so tied to her hip, literally. She was like, she was literally my ride or die. Anywhere she went, we were there. I was her shadow. I was pegado literally to her, like, cheek, literally her chicle. Growing up, like, I see my parents fight a lot. I see them go through like their ups and downs and stuff. And I was always in my mom's defense, you know, no matter what, I was always be yelling at my dad. I'm like, dad, stop. Leave my mom alone. Like, no, just stop. You know, I was always trying to like, create peace between them. So yeah, I was definitely really, really tied to my mom. We had like a very strong, like, relationship like, growing up. And I would say, like throughout the years, like as I gotten older, sadly, like, it did kind of like we did kind of get more distant. I feel like we were like in two different points of our lives. Like, my mom was just trying so hard to understand me and who I was. Because like I said, I was like a really bad kid. I was a troublemaker. I was always up to no good. I was always looking for something. There was always something that I was like, getting into, getting expelled from school, getting suspended. You know, I had all these stories and everything. And I think my mom was just trying to figure out, like, damn, what do I do with this rebellious kid.

[Alan Heist]

Do you feel like a lot of that stemmed because you would see all the problems at home with your parents, that that's why you would kind of act out, to kind of be like, as a child?

[Lucas Reyes]

No, definitely. I feel like, you know, a lot of my actions as a kid, I feel like. Like I was very rebellious because I just. I did want that attention from my parents. I did want them to see me to. I did want to feel validated because, you know, like I said, the most traumatic experiences or things that I've been through, I. I felt unseen, I felt unvalidated, I felt unheard. So I do feel like I manifested myself into this rebellious kid. Always looking for trouble, always trying to do things and push people's buttons.

[Alan Heist]

At 5 years old, what was your initial reaction to them, like, telling you that they were going to separate? And at what age did you fully process and understand what really was going on with your parents? Separation.

[Lucas Reyes]

When I found out my parents were separating, I feel like I was too young to, like, fully understand it, but, like, I sensed things weren't the same. You know, like, at 5, you're aware when your world feels different. You know, you're aware when Mommy and Daddy. Wait, you're exactly. You're aware when Mommy and Daddy don't love each other anymore, when they're falling out of love and they no longer can be together. But I feel like as a kid, I was just so confused, and all I ever wanted was for them to work. And I was always trying to create peace in their relationship and always trying to, like, piece them together. But I realized, like, growing up, that things were much more complex than I could even understand as a child. And I realized that, you know, some relationships just don't work out. And I later had to understand that. You know, I had to learn it the hard way. And I feel like I eventually learned that after I seen, like, my dad get into a new marriage, you know, he had this new relationship, and I was like, oh, wow. So, you know, mom and dad are no longer together anymore. He's moving out. I'm, you know, living by myself now with my siblings and my mom and. And I realized that, like, my dad is no longer in the picture. He's living his whole new life with somebody else. And that's when I realized, like, okay, well, you know, not everything is Romeo and Juliet.

[Alan Heist]

You know, did they ever have a moment where they sat you down and they were like.

[Lucas Reyes]

Not really. I feel like it was very, like, it was very vague. There was a Moment where basically, like, they divorced and they were like, well, we're going to co parent. He's going to move here. We're going to stay here. You either go here, here, here. My mom was fought for her custody. Well, she ended up having, like full custody over me, and then she was co parenting with my dad. Things just happened very, like, in the moment from one day to the next. I just remember my dad moving out and then I remember going to visit him and he had a new girl around, and I was like, okay, this is a whole different life. You know, I had to try to understand my dad in a whole different perspective.

[Alan Heist]

How fast did your dad remarry?

[Lucas Reyes]

It was quick. It was like, hey, everybody, my name is Bob the Drag Queen.

[Alan Heist]

And I'm Monet X Change.

[Lucas Reyes]

And we are the host of Sibling Rivalry. This is the podcast where two best friends gab, talk smack, and have a lot of fun with our black queer selves. Yeah, for sure. You know, we are family, so we talk about everything, honey, from why we don't like hugs, to black lives matter, to interracial dating, to other things.

[Alan Heist]

Right, Bob?

[Lucas Reyes]

Yes. And it gets messy and we are not afraid to be wrong. So please join us over here at Civic Bribery, available anywhere you get your podcast, you can listen and subscribe for free. For free, honey. A year later. Oh, married. So that's not even dating. Yeah, exactly. So they were already together, like, I feel like months after. Like, I would say like a few months. Literally, as soon as they broke up, I think they had already knew each other from work. Yeah, that's what it was. So they knew each other. Yeah, exactly, exactly. So they had already known each other from work. So they got together, like, really, really fast, they were dating, and the next thing you know, the next year, they were married. And my dad's like, oh, like, this is your stepmom mom. Like, meet, meet new mom. And I'm like, what? Like, you know, like, I'm a little kid. I'm like five, six years old. I'm like, what? Now I have to adapt to, like, a new parent to a new lifestyle. And I definitely did see my dad in a. In a. In a different way. I always wondered, I'm like, what can I do to just get them back together? Like, And I always wondered, I'm like, what happened? Like, because I'm not gonna lie, like, yeah, I did see my parents, like, I. I did see my parents, like, fight all the time. I did see. You know, my dad was, like, in a very aggressive person just based off of that, I realized, like, you know what? They just weren't meant for each other. Seeing my mom and dad fight all the time, I knew that, like, that just wasn't healthy.

[Alan Heist]

But it was almost normal to you. So you're like, what do you mean, you guys can't get back?

[Lucas Reyes]

Yeah, exactly. But for me, it was normal. So I'm like, okay, so you guys can't just work through this. You guys just can't get back together, you know? And it's like, you know. No, like, you know, your dad found somebody else he's already seen someone else is never gonna. It's. It's never gonna work out.

[Alan Heist]

Do you feel like the relationship with your dad after he remarried changed in the way of, like, you no longer wanted to be with him, or you almost felt him a little distance from you because he was too busy, you know, trying to create this new life with his new wife?

[Lucas Reyes]

I feel like it changed a little bit, only for the fact that I didn't fully understand what remarriage mean, really understand the new dynamics that it would bring. I feel like things did change when, you know, my dad got with his new wife because I feel like. Like it was a whole new dynamic for me. I had to get to know new people. I had to create, like, a whole different family. And I just felt like, well, why couldn't you just fight for our family? I never really blame my mom because I seen the struggles that they went through. I seen the fights. I seen that my mom did try her hardest. She was very resilient in the relationship. So I know she put her all into it. I knew my mom was fighting, even though she wasn't trying to. She wasn't trying to show it. She was trying her hardest to hide it. I could see my mom was a fighter. She was fighting for the relationship. Like, my dad was just not. He was just not changing. Like, my dad was not changing. They were constantly fighting. They were constantly arguing. They're constantly having disagreements. And I just feel like my mom did what she could to hold down our family, to keep it together. And eventually it's like you get tired of it, you know, like, you opt out of the relationship and you no longer have the energy to proceed.

[Alan Heist]

And I feel like obviously how the timeline is laid out almost felt like, you know, your dad was already trying to leave that relationship to go pursue another.

[Lucas Reyes]

Exactly.

[Alan Heist]

So your mom was kind of like, well, you know, there's not really anything I can do to keep him here. Por que el yabia echoso De sicion de irce, you know, que praticar about, you know, your new family dynamics. Do you feel like when you first were presented to this idea of like, look, this is your new stepmom, were you all in for it? Or did you kind of struggle adapting to like, oh, now you have to respect her and potentially treat her like your second mom?

[Lucas Reyes]

It was definitely like something that I had to get used to. In the beginning. It was very hard because I was so used to seeing my mom and dad together. I was not used to seeing my dad in love with somebody else and then also having a kid with them, you know, because they had a kid very early on as well. I was trying so hard to understand that sometimes relationships just don't work out and that eventually, you know, like, my dad is gonna have to move on and I'm gonna have to accept whoever he ends up with. And. But for a while, I would say it took me about a year to finally adapt to. To my stepmom. It took me a while to really open up and to accept her as my stepmom and to give her that title and to give her that respect. And I know for a while we had a very rocky relationship where it was like, off and on. Every time I would go visit my dad, she would send me home and tell my dad, like, no, he needs to go home. But it was because I was always act out. But I feel like. Because I was just so, like, I was so angry, you know, like, this is not. You're not my mom. You know, she would like, tell me things to do, and I just never wanted to listen to her. Cause I'm like, who are you? You're not my mom. How are you going to tell me what to do? I was very, very rebellious, like, towards her. And I feel like a lot of it had to do with the fact that, you know, you're a whole new figure in my life. I needed a chance to get to know you, to open up to you, to feel you, to feel your vibe. And eventually, after a while, I started to accept her. I started to respect her a little bit more and more. And I feel like our relationship then eventually progressed. The relationship with my dad eventually, you know, started to progress more and more. And. And it got to the point where we would then do things as a family where I would go out with my. My dad and. And his new wife, my stepmom, and we would go and we would do things together. And, you know, while she was pregnant with my brother, we were always doing Stuff together. And I feel like eventually I just, I just ended up like getting used to it.

[Alan Heist]

But you accepted what it was.

[Lucas Reyes]

Kind of, yeah. But I definitely did go through that stage where I was very uncomfortable, where this was something new and it was something I had to learn to get used to. But I feel like I definitely was very closed off at first, but after a while I was like, okay, relax. Like, you know, there's nothing I can do, right? There's nothing I can do. They're clearly in love. I thought it was a phase. I thought like, okay, you know, they're not gonna last. Eventually my dad is gonna end up back with my mom and things are just gonna be like the movies and go back to normal.

[Alan Heist]

Did you be like, you know what? I'm to scare the away? Like I make her hate me so she can leave my dad?

[Lucas Reyes]

No, literally, like, I would do crazy stuff. Like I was, I don't know, I was such a bad kid. Like, I was the type of kid that would like have the plancha running and then I would put it on the floor so that it can like burn the carpet, start a fire.

[Alan Heist]

Like, you're like, that's always that mom. That's crazy. Did your mom remarry or no?

[Lucas Reyes]

My mom never. No.

[Alan Heist]

Oh, how was that? You know? You know, you see your dad remake his life. What was it like back at home? You know, what was it like growing up with a single mom? And what struggles did you see your mom go through that you feel like really did shape you?

[Lucas Reyes]

I feel like who I am is, I. I give a lot of credit to my mom, cuz my mom is a very resilient woman. She's a very hardworking Latina woman. She literally came from nothing and created something for herself. And I realized the moment she left that relationship, she was striving, she was healthy, she was growing, she was doing like so many big things for herself. I feel like after she opted out of that relationship, it was like it was her sign to like prosper, to go out and to do better and to, you know, build a life. Like build a life for herself, you know? So growing up, I definitely seen a lot of resilience in my mom. And I give her a lot of credit because it was me and my older brother at the time. And like I said, I was a bad kid, I was a troublemaker, and she had to put up with a lot. There was a lot that I put my mom through. True. But she never gave up. One thing about my mom, she's so Hard working. She never gave up. She would never talk about the problems that she had with my dad. She would stay very strong. Even on the days where, you know, she probably wasn't okay. My mom never made it noticeable. She. She was thriving. To me, as a kid, my mom was thriving without him. And I was wondering, I'm like, why? Like, why are you okay right now? You know, why are you okay without him? He's not in the house. And I just felt like that's how you knew they just were not meant to be.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah, they were compatible.

[Lucas Reyes]

That's how you know exactly. That they were.

[Alan Heist]

Mom needed to leave that relationship to thrive.

[Lucas Reyes]

Exactly.

[Alan Heist]

She wasn't going to be able to have that growth. With your dad in the picture, do you feel like, you know, growing up with separated parents, do you feel like that affected you in the long run? Like, did it make you someone that kind of viewed relationships and just family differently now that you're, like, an adult?

[Lucas Reyes]

It definitely made me question love. I feel like. It made me feel like, is it even possible to, like, fall in love and to love? Is love even real? Like, is it impossible to love somebody? Because what I saw and what was deemed as love was, I guess, was a fairy tale, you know, like, in my eyes, I was like. Like, oh, wow. Like, this didn't work out. Like, is love even, like, a real thing? Definitely did change my perspective a lot. But I was a very smart kid. I was very adaptable. I feel like I learned very quickly. I learned very easily. And I was just very, like. How do I say it? Like, I have all, like. I was just very, like, insightful. I was very, like.

[Alan Heist]

I was a Vincent.

[Lucas Reyes]

Yeah, exactly. I was, like, very insightful. I learned very quickly. You told me one thing I would understand. I would be like, okay, Mom. Okay, dad. Even though I was a bad kid, I was still very smart. And I feel like that's why I would act out all the time, because I had, like, a strategy. Yeah, I knew what I was doing.

[Alan Heist]

But you're like, I have something to back it up.

[Lucas Reyes]

Exactly.

[Alan Heist]

My brain.

[Lucas Reyes]

Exactly.

[Alan Heist]

Literally.

[Lucas Reyes]

Exactly.

[Alan Heist]

Did it affect you in the way you made friends? You know, like, did you ever feel like, oh, shit, like, my friends have their mom and dad together. Was school different in that sense for you?

[Lucas Reyes]

You definitely. I feel like I always felt like the outcast. I always seen my friends go home to their parents, talk about their mom and dad, talk about trips that they were going on and things that they were doing. I'm not gonna lie. I did build. I Did build up, or I did build up a little bit of jealousy. I felt very indifferent. I felt like I was abnormal. I was like, why does everybody get to go home to their mom and dad? And I can't, Can't. You know, why does everyone get to do fun activities with their mom and dad? And I can't. Why do I have to see my dad on the weekends? I remember as a kid, like, friends would invite me somewhere and I'm like, oh, I can't go because that's my weekend with my dad. Or it's like, oh, I can't go because it's a weekend with my mom. Like, I gotta figure out where I'm gonna be and who I'm gonna be with. And it's like for them, it was something that they weren't used to because they had their parents, they had their family. For me, it was just something that I never really had growing up that I wish, wish that I had. You know, I wish that I was able to experience that type of family dynamic that other kids experience. You know, in my, in my classes.

[Alan Heist]

You had weekends with your mom, you had weekends with your dad. And essentially you were almost having two homes growing up. Did you like that? Growing up?

[Lucas Reyes]

No. Adapting between two different homes, obviously it, you know, it was really hard for me. I didn't know really which home to call my home because I had a room in each home. But I definitely felt more at home with my mom. I felt like that was the place to be. I feel like anytime that I was like, at my dad's house, I always felt like something was off, you know, but that's because my dad was the one in the new relationship and my mom was the one by herself. So I knew my mom needed me. And I knew when I was home, me and my mom, we were like inseparable. Like, I was so tied to her hip, we would do everything and literally everything together. So I just felt more at home there. And I feel like my dad was more focused on his new relationship and doing things with his new wife, life, and now his newborn that he has, you know, my brother. And so, you know, while my dad was building this new life to me, it was just like, there was just like this confusion of, like, well, why does my mom have to be by herself, like, while I'm here?

[Alan Heist]

You almost like resented your death.

[Lucas Reyes]

Exactly. For a while, I feel like I did. But eventually I learned to, like, overcome that. I learned to forgive him. I feel like it definitely took a lot of self reflection. It took A lot of coping. And eventually I learned to just. I don't know, I learned to accept that there is going to be two different homes. That, you know, one home may be brighter than the other. Eventually I just had to understand that, you know, this is where my dad lives, this is where my mom lives, and this is the life that I'm going to have to live for however long that they continue to be together. You know, my dad and his wife and I have to get to extend. Except him and his new family. Like, I had no choice but to just adapt to it. So. But it definitely did feel very, like, uneasy. It felt very. I felt very, like, uncomfortable at first because I'm like, why do I have to constantly switch homes? Like, I don't like this. Why can't, like, dad just come over here? One thing that I admire so much about my mom, too, is the fact that, like, she is so strong. She eventually was able to come to, like, she was able to come to good terms for. For the sake of her kids, for the sake of us. She was able to come to good terms with my dad and his new wife. So I remember she would invite them over to our house, and that's what gave me. If I felt like I had, like, a sense of community. I feel like, oh, my God, like, it's best of both worlds. I have my dad here, I have my mom here. Now I have my new mom, and they're all here in the same house. House. And at that time, too, I had my little brother, and he was like a newborn. And even, like, my grandma from my mom's side would babysit him. Would babysit my little brother. Yeah, exactly. So they started to, like, build a relationship. And I really loved that. You know, I love that they were able to put all the things that they had aside. They were. They were able to come together for their kids. And I feel like that's what really, like, changed my perspective a lot. It felt like a Disney movie. I felt like, wow, like, my mom, my dad. Like, I'm not gonna lie, I feel like I. I got very hopeful at one point.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

Or I was like, maybe they could get back together. You know, very wishful thinking. But obviously, like, it never happened. But for a while, when I saw that they were getting along and that they were talking and that, you know, my dad will come to the house and visit and that they were getting along and she was getting along with his new wife, I. I, you know, I eventually realized, like, okay, like, you know, it's two separate. It's just two separate lives now, and mom and dad are just friends. Now my dad has a new wife, and my mom is just their friends.

[Alan Heist]

I love that because I feel like sometimes it's hard, especially as adults. I feel like, you know, when people break up and go their separate ways and when there's kids involved, I feel like a lot of people first put their feelings first instead of really focusing on what matters, which is the kids. And I feel like the fact that your mom and your dad were able to be complete adults and be like, you know what? This isn't about us anymore. It's about the kids. And for the kids to feel like they have both parents in their life, it's really rare to see, but it really is beautiful. Mano cuentas that you had an older, you know, brother at home with your mom. What was that like? Do you feel like you started seeing him more as, like, the paternal figure in your life? He put the pants on and be like, you know what? Mom, mom, dad left. I'm here in charge. And what was that relationship with you and your brother?

[Lucas Reyes]

So the relationship with me and my brother, it was very rocky. I feel like me and my brother were just so different. Like, growing up. You know, we obviously, we went through similar experiences, but we're also very different people. You know, I feel like I went through so many things in my life or so many different hardships that made me very indifferent, different from him. And, like, I feel like through it all, me and my brother, like, we always had, like, this love and hate relationship. You know, we always fought all the time. No matter what, we can never be, like, in a room together more so because I would always try to start things. It's like I would, like, be poking the bear, you know, I'm like, oh, I'm gonna try to see what I could do to him so that, you know, I can get that reaction out of him, you know? But it's also like, see, like we were talking about earlier, I feel like that's me trying to find, like, that sense of, like, validation, of trying to be heard and trying to be seen. Because I feel like for a while, like, you know, my dad wasn't there, so who else could I bother? You know, the only other man in the house was my older brother. And there would be times where I would try to, like, you know, pick on him or try to do things or times where, obviously, like, you know, there would be times where I would just want to spend time with him or do do stuff with him. But he would always like push me away and be like, get out of my room. Yeah, yeah. So I feel like for a while, like my brother, he was just like. He was like way too, like, he was just too grown. He was just too cool. He was in his own space. He was a gamer. He was just in his room gaming all the time. He would watch TV and movies and all this. And me as a kid, I never been that type of kid even till this day. I don't watch movies, I don't watch tv. I don't have a TV in my room.

[Alan Heist]

Shut up.

[Lucas Reyes]

I'm so serious. I don't.

[Alan Heist]

You're more like an outdoors person.

[Lucas Reyes]

Adventurous. I love to live life. Life. I love to like say one on one and get to know somebody. And I love to do just adventurous stuff, you know, go to the beach, stuff like that.

[Alan Heist]

Different from your brother?

[Lucas Reyes]

Exactly. Very different from my brother. So I feel like we were very, very different people. And so we would always clash heads. I know there were so many times where we had to be like, separated. You know, there was even times where I remember me and my brother, we would ghost, like, because since my parents were co parenting, we would go separately to the house. Like this week was my brother's week and then this week was your week. So one week my brother would go and then another week I would go because we couldn't be in the same place together. Yeah, that's crazy.

[Alan Heist]

How old, how much older is he?

[Lucas Reyes]

He's 25. 25 or 26. Wait, let me remember. 1998.

[Alan Heist]

98 is 26.

[Lucas Reyes]

Okay. Yeah. So 1998.

[Alan Heist]

Okay. So that's not that much of a difference. But I feel like growing up, it does make a huge difference. Like three, four years. You know, I feel like Jegon Tiempo, where he was probably like, oh, I'm a teen, I'm too cool for this, like, little brother. And obviously that kind of made it hard for you guys to really develop like a relationship. Do you feel like your guys's relationship is a little different now?

[Lucas Reyes]

Our relationship is definitely different now. Out. But not in the way that I would want it. We actually don't have like any relationship at all. We really don't have any communication. I try to be in touch with him, I try to communicate with him, but he's just living his own life. But the thing about my brother is he had completely different visions. You know, I always wanted to be. I was like, I want to be a police officer. That was like my. That was my like dream I was like, oh, I want to be a police officer. I want to go out and I want to save people, I want to help people, and blah, blah, blah. Obviously very different now. I don't wish to be that anymore. But at that time, that's what I wanted to be. And my brother was very into, like, the military. He wanted to go to the military, he wanted to be a Marine. And I feel like that was just something that ran in my family because all of my family, a lot of my cousins, a lot of, you know, my family, that was a tradition for them is. Is being in the military. And that was something that I wasn't really, really into. So at 17 years old, my brother left, left to the military. And I was like, probably 13, 14 years old, you know, and I was barely a teenager. So I feel like we didn't really get to experience life together.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

As kind of as an adult or kind of grown up in, like, my teen. Like, like as a teenager, we didn't really get to experience, like, life together. So I would say since then, since 17, since he left to the military, we really have not had a relationship at all. It's been very vague. He actually lives here in California, and every time I come here to see him, we don't really see each other. Obviously. I wish things were not like that. I know it takes two people to, you know, make it work, but every time I'm here, I try. I try my best. You know, I text him, I let him know. I'm like, hey, I'm in town, you know, you want to grab a bite to eat? You want to catch up, you know, but no, till this day, we. We don't really have. We don't really have a relationship. We don't really talk. I feel like he doesn't really know me for who I am today. I don't really know know who he is. I know he's married, he has a wife, he's happy I went to their wedding and that's it. Just. Yeah, I wish him the best. Like, there's no tension, there's no issues, there's no problems at all. I just feel like we're just living two completely different lives. We. We really don't know each other anymore. I definitely wish things were different because I feel like I am a completely different person than I was back then. I know for a while I was like, you know, this troublemaker. I was this kid that would always, you know, get on his nerves and annoy him. But I just sometimes wish that he got to know me for who I am today, you know, because I feel like we would, like, bond very well. Like, I feel like if he got to know me for the person I am today, then we would probably have a completely different relationship than we did back then when we were kids. But I don't know, just going back to it, thinking about the memories that we had, you know, traveling to Guatemala, being together, going to the beaches, going out, collecting Pokemon cards, playing games together, even though I didn't even know what I was doing, he would teach me me. I would sit by his side, annoying the hell out of him because I didn't know what buttons I was clicking. And I just go back to that and I remember. I remember all those core memories and I'm like, I just wish that now that I'm older, we were able to, like, cultivate a more like. Like we were able to cultivate like a more like a stronger relationship, you know, a better relationship where we were able to just bond and call each other whenever we needed and. And, you know, talk about each other's days and talk about each other's lives and go out and do this and that. But I don't know. It's very different.

[Alan Heist]

And I do want to take this moment, Amigas, to give a verbal trigger warning if you guys get triggered by anything that has to do with sexual soul, anything in between that happened to you from the ages of 7 to 13, if you feel comfortable how it first started and when did you realize what you guys were doing wasn't okay?

[Lucas Reyes]

So between those ages, obviously, you know, I was a kid that loved to play around. I love to hang out with my family. I was very family oriented. I love to go to all the family parties. I never wanted to miss one. I was very in tuned with. With just my family and my cousins and just spending time with them. And I have a cousin who introduced me to this game that he would call House. And in this game we would play certain roles where he would be the father and I would be the mother. And he would give me like, very strict roles on what to do and how to play. He was very advanced in it, and I was just kind of going with the flow and doing what he told me to do. Is he older and he was older. He was older, but I would say like two to three years. Maybe three years. For a while, I didn't think he knew what he was doing, you know, for a while, of course, as a kid, I'm just going with the flow. I'm down for anything if you're down, I'm down. Like, let's do it. I'm like, let's play the game. I don't really talk about this, but I remember him making me put on. On my mom's clothes for this game. And he would make me put on her clothes. He would make me dress up as the mother and play, like, this very feminine role. And obviously, like, as a kid, I don't know right from wrong. I don't know what we're doing. I'm not thinking twice about it. You tell me to put on her clothes. I'm like, obviously. I thought it was something, like, weird, like, what? But then eventually I was like, okay, it's just a game. We're just gonna play. So I would put on the clothes, and he would have me do, like, just very, very weird and uncomfortable things, very adult things. I remember him. I remember him telling me that if we play, if we didn't play this game, that something bad was going to happen. And so as a kid, I just kind of went with the flow of things, and things started to escalate. It led from one thing to another. It led to him basically taking advantage of me, taking my innocence away, making me do things that I didn't want to do and making me do things against my will that. That I don't know how to necessarily explain. But as a kid, you have, like, this. You have this innocence, and when someone comes into your life and.

[Alan Heist]

Takes it.

[Lucas Reyes]

They take that away from you and they touch you in ways that you know you're not supposed to be touched. I was sexually assaulted and molested it for five years straight by someone that. By someone that I believed loved me.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

By my own family member. By someone that I was supposed to be that some. By someone I was supposed to feel safe around. When I realized things were not right was eventually, like, when thing. It was when things kind of got too late. It was when I was in middle school, so I was already, like a preteen turning 13. So these things had been going on for years already. So whatever was happening between me and him became a norm for me. It wasn't something that I. That I realized was wrong until I started expressing it in the form of jokes to kids in my school. And that's when I would get, like, made fun of. And I realized that, okay, well, this is not normal. This is not what happens with your cousins. I would, like, bring it up to see if other people have experienced the same things. And based on their reactions, it really made me. Me Feel like maybe this isn't something that's supposed to happen. Maybe this isn't something normal, you know? And obviously as that kid, that's when I realized like, okay, like I need to separate myself. I need to get out of the situation. It's not okay. Nobody should ever make you do things against your will. And the things that he would make me do, I don't even want to go into like detail because it's like it really, like it infuriates me so much because I just wish that I didn't allow myself to go through that. I wish that I wasn't so naive, but I'm a child, you know? But I just wish that I wasn't in the situation that I was in. Because every time I think about it, I feel so disgusted. I feel so like. Like I hate my body, I hate myself. I. I have like these self esteem issues. But one vivid memory I remember is him making me put on the clothes and making me do things that a child should never do. And that was performing certain acts that no child should ever go through. And I remember him telling me like, don't tell anyone, don't tell anyone. It's okay, don't tell anyone. You know, he tried to comfort me as much as he can. He tried to make it it like a comfortable situation. And looking back at it and thinking about it now from a whole new perspective makes me feel very. I feel very manipulated, very used. I felt very worthless. You know, how could I let someone that is supposed to love me, how can I let someone that is supposed to be deemed family take advantage of me and use me me and grope me in ways that no human should ever to a child, you know, no matter given his age, even if he was a kid himself. I feel like it was something that I was like struggling with. I was blocking out of my life so much. I didn't want to believe what I went through. But I was always getting these nightmares. I was always getting these flashbacks of certain episodes and things that I went through and certain memories and they would continuously run through my brain. And I'm like, like, is this real that I really go through this? And for a while I just didn't want to believe it. I was like, there's no way I went through this. There's no way he could even be capable of such thing. And if so, if this is real, maybe something happened to him. So I feel like I. Do you know what the Stockholm syndrome is?

[Alan Heist]

You know, it's funny, you were actually telling me about it yesterday. And I looked it up, and basically it's like a syndrome where, like, the victim almost grows this type of empathy for their aggressor. Do you feel like that's what you use kind of like, to cope and you experience that?

[Lucas Reyes]

That, definitely. So for a while, once I finally realized what we were doing was not okay, I started to gain this sympathy. I gained this empathy for him because I felt like, well, maybe he didn't know what he was doing. Maybe he was going through something where somebody probably, you know, did something to him or per. Perpetrated something to him. And maybe he doesn't. You know, maybe he has a life that. That, you know, maybe he's, you know, going through his own miseries. So for a while, I feel like I built that sympathy for him, and I was like, you know, there's no way that, like, you know, what. That. There's no way that what he did to me was, like, on purpose. You know, there's no way that what he did to me was, like. Was him. You know, I always thought, like, okay, maybe it was somebody else. But time and time again, I get the same memories over and over of things that he would make me do. Like, I don't want to go into, like, complete details on everything and every single specifics, but just know, like, the things that he would make me do, I would not wish on, like, my worst enemy. I think it infuriates me. It boils my blood so much thinking about it, because I just wish I would have never gone through that. I wish I could, like, speak back to my younger self and save myself and tell myself, like, hey, don't allow anybody to touch you. Don't allow anybody to take advantage of you or to. To make you believe that it's okay. Yeah. So for a while, it started as houses started at the game, but then eventually it became a norm to where we would see each other at family functions and events. And, you know, we would. He would lock us up in a room. He would lock us up in a room together. He would do stuff with. Crazy part is not just me, but other people and other people that witness it as well. His own brother, in particular, he would, like, do stuff with. He would make them dress up, and I have cousins that could back that up because those are memories that they have that they remember. Very vivid memories. But I just remember he would hold me against my will. We would be in a room, we would be locked up, and he would just do things to me. He would take advantage of me. In the worst ways possible. And. And I just remember being in that situation and feeling like everything was just normal, that it was okay, that this is what cousins do, that this is what love is.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

And like I said, it wasn't until I was, like, you know, 13 or 14 years old when I started to realize that, hey, maybe. Maybe this isn't okay. Maybe.

[Alan Heist]

Did you ever address them about it? Like, did you ever tell them, like, hey, you know what? Like. Like I'm realizing this isn't okay? Or did you just kind of distance yourself from him?

[Lucas Reyes]

I distanced myself from him. We went to the same school. He was, like, two grades higher than me. So we would walk in the hallways and we would walk past each other and we would feel the tension. But in my head, it was just. I felt so much regret. I felt so disgusted. I felt so angry. I felt so indifferent. Like, I felt like the people around me, they didn't understand me, you know, And I just felt so used.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

And I didn't know how to tell my family. Like, how do I tell my family about this? It went on for so long that I don't even know how to explain this. Yeah. How do I open up about this? And given the last situation, you know, the last traumatic experience that I had when I was a kid and, you know, I was going through that situation, it really made me feel like I couldn't say anything. I couldn't speak up, that I didn't have a voice, because no matter what say was going, was going to go through one ear out the other. And I felt like, well, I need to, like, collectively, like, reflect, and I need to, like, sit on this, and I need to find a way that I'm going to tell my family. I need to find a way that, you know, I'm going to open up about this in a way that they are going to see me, that they are going to believe me, understand that, you know, I'm not just this troublemaking kid because I want to be a troublemaker or because I want to be this crazy, rebellious kid. You know, that is definitely a experience that has impacted my life very strongly. It's affected me. It's affected the way that I think. It's affected my trust. It's affected the way that I see love. And I feel like till this day, I don't know I know how to love, But I feel like I struggle with feeling loved. I struggle because I feel like. Like I've been in so many situations where I was taken advantage of. I've Been in so many situations where I was just easily used and I feel like I was led to believe that that's what love was.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

So eventually when I realized when what everything I was doing was not okay and that this is not what love is, I started. I started having these second thoughts and these second guesses like. Like what is love? What does it mean to love? And how do I know you love me? Because the people who say. The people who are telling me they love me are my own family. And they're the ones that are causing the, the trauma on me. They're the ones that are causing these scars. You know, I'm emotionally scarred. I'm wounded because of the people that love me, you know. So for a while I didn't know. I didn't know how to feel love, how to feel somebody's love because I didn't know if that person was. Or I didn't know if that person had ulterior. Ulterior motives or if they had different intentions. Intentions. And so for a long time, like throughout like my life, I feel like it, it really made me like question myself.

[Alan Heist]

Did it make you insecure?

[Lucas Reyes]

I was disgusted with myself. I feel I was very harsh and very negative on myself. It's something that I think I, I still struggle with. You know, I try not to dwell on it as much, but definitely growing up I feel like I built these patterns where like I put myself down a lot. I have some self doubt. I put myself down a lot. I don't feel like I said like I'm worthy of, of. Of love. I don't feel like I'm worthy of being loved. I feel like it put me in a situation where I just felt like confused. I was so insecure to the point where I feel like I was deflecting those insecurities onto other people. And in school, like I would like, I wouldn't like make fun of other people. I would try to like, you know, make somebody else feel bad about themselves. Because I was so insecure with myself. I was such. In a negative mindset. I feel like I was not happy with myself at all. I felt so disgusted that here I was trying to, you know, throw my miseries onto everybody else, you know. And it's something that I feel like I realize and I've been able to reflect on and, and I realized that like hurt people. Hurt people.

[Alan Heist]

Exactly.

[Lucas Reyes]

You become very insecure to a point where, where you just want to hurt other people. You just want to hurt. Right. You want to hurt other people because you you also, you. It's like you want other people to feel what you went through. You want. You, like, you build, like, a sense of, like, of jealousy, in a sense, because you see other people living happy. You see other people at that age, too. When I was, like, 13, that's when people were getting in their first relationships. People were having, you know, boyfriend, girlfriends, having their first kiss, doing everything. And here I am just processing light life, basically trying to piece my life together, trying to figure out what did I just go through, what happened, you know, like, is this real? Did this really happen? I don't even. I didn't want to believe it. I. It was just something that I wanted to block out of my life forever. I was just trying so hard to just not. Not believe it.

[Alan Heist]

Did you and the other victims ever, like, have a convo together of what really was going on? Or did you guys kind of just act like nothing was happening?

[Lucas Reyes]

As you probably know, like, in Hispanic families, there's a lot of things that are just swept under the rug.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

And it's always like, don't talk about it. Don't say anything. And I feel like I built. I kind of like that. That was my foundation. I feel like I got so used to things not being talked about. I felt like I got so used to things being swept under the rug to the point where. Where it was something that there wasn't a conversation needed. It was something that wasn't talked about, and it was just something that happened. And from one day to the next, it just was never talked about.

[Alan Heist]

Keep it going.

[Lucas Reyes]

No one said anything. You just kept it going. I was going to school, like, nothing. There was no type of, like, recovery process or anything. It was just me in my own mind, me and my own world, trying to piece everything together, trying to figure out how I'm going to start the conversation, how I'm going to tell somebody if I even feel comfortable enough telling somebody. Because I was just so disgusted with myself that I. I didn't want anybody to know this about me. I didn't want anybody to look at me different. And I was afraid that if I were to tell anybody, that they would tell me, that I allowed it to happen like they did the first time when I went through something. So to me, it's like growing up is like, you just. You just learn not to talk about things. In Hispanic families, you just learn not to talk about things. You learn to just. Just bottle everything up and just not let it out. Because if you let it out, it's a problem. If you let it out, it creates a very uncomfortable conversation that you're not prepared to have. There's stigmas that we should break, you know, and especially me as a guy. When your perpetrator is a guy himself, it puts you in these weird, uncomfortable positions where there's already standards out there. There's already, it's already like. It's already a standard where, you know, know if a guy does something to a guy, it's already deemed, like, weird and disgusting and out of pocket. And it's like, that's something that I couldn't control. That's something that I felt like, for me, I didn't want to talk about because I didn't want anybody to see me in a different light. I didn't want anybody to feel like I allowed myself to be in this position that is something that I enjoyed or something that I liked or something that I allowed to have, because if I could change the outcome, I would. In our.

[Alan Heist]

Do you feel like you struggled growing up? When it came down to, like, your sexuality, did it ever make you confused what you liked and what you didn't like?

[Lucas Reyes]

If so, it definitely caused a lot of confusion in my life because, of course, I seen my mom and dad growing up together. Well, not together, you know, but I seen my mom and dad together up until I was like, 5 years old. And I saw what it was like to be in love. And, and I saw, like, the kids at my school having, you know, relationships. And, like, I just knew that I was, like, so different from the rest because of the experiences that I had. I feel like something was taken away from me that should, shouldn't have, and it caused a lot of confusion in my life. I felt like everyone was living their life, everybody was happy, everyone was in their relationships, and here I was. Here I am am questioning myself. Here I am questioning my being, my, my existence. Here I am questioning, you know, what I like. Because the only thing that I ever know, the only thing that I know is that relationship that I had with my cousin. So for me, it definitely built a lot of confusion on me. I, I, There were so many times where I've just felt, I felt so disgusted with myself. I felt like I wanted to. To rip my skin apart. I felt like I don't want to be inside of my body. I felt so, like, detached from the world. I felt so detached from everybody around me because I felt like I was living a completely different life. It's still something that I struggle with till this day. I feel like it's Definitely changed my perspective on a lot of things. The trauma definitely did create some confusion and some insecurities in my life. Life that I feel, like, still linger on, like, today, like, throughout, like, my middle school and high school years. I. I never really knew where I fit in. I never really knew what I liked or what I was attracted to. Like, I knew what I was supposed to be attracted to because of what I grew up to understand was normal, you know, because obviously, you know, growing up, I was taught that. That, you know, that it's girl and boy, and this is, you know, this is the way. This is the way that life is supposed to be. You know, given the fact that this happened to me, it. It put my mind in such an uncomfortable space where I was just so confused. And I felt. I felt so, like. I felt so different from the world. I felt like it was so hard for me to form relationships, to form friendships, because I always felt like the odd one out. There was always something that I seen in someone that I didn't have, that I didn't. Didn't experience. And I saw everybody was, like, talking about their crushes and who they liked and who they wanted. And I couldn't even figure out who my crush was. I couldn't figure out who I liked and who I wanted to be with because I just felt like in the back of my mind, I was just so focused on the. The trauma that I went through and trying to heal. This was like a recovery process for me, and it's made a big impact on my life because, look, I'm 22 years old now. Now, and I'm still a virgin. I've never even experienced sexually with anybody. I've never gone out of my way to open up myself or to even go out and experience with anyone because I've always felt so afraid. I always felt like I don't know if what I'm doing is right. I don't. I feel like I haven't really got to, like, really experience what it is that I want, what it is that I like. If even you want it, even if even I want to experience it. Because the first time experiencing it was very, very traumatic. It was not something that was romantic to me at all. It was something, if anything, that makes me feel disgusted. And I feel like it's definitely made me view things very differently. I have a very different perspective on life, on relationships, on love and romance. And I feel like it's very hard for me to find love. It's very hard for me to. To find somebody that I am, you know, attracted to. In that sense, I, I'm emotionally attracted to people. I, I, I feel like I, I have recently, like, in the last year, been able to finally, you know, like, get sexually attracted to people. People, and it's still something that I'm, like, confused about.

[Alan Heist]

Without making yourself feel weird?

[Lucas Reyes]

Exactly. Without making myself feel weird. Exactly. So I feel like it's still definitely a learning process. I'm still kind of experiencing. I'm still kind of going through it. I'm still trying to figure out my life out. I'm still kind of trying to build up, like, that trust for people. I'm slowly learning more and more about myself. And I realized that in today's society, you don't need to conform to any society, little expectation or to a certain label. And that's something that I'm learning on my own. Like, I don't need to label myself if I'm still in that experimental stage in my life where I'm still trying to figure myself out. Like, I always tell myself, like, it's okay, you know, I feel like everyone is always trying to figure me out. Everyone is always trying to put a certain label, label on me. And it's like, I haven't even figured that out myself yet. I haven't even been in my first relationship yet. Yet. Obviously, I've been in situations where I've, you know, felt like, you know, I felt the romance and I love somebody and I was connected with somebody, you know, emotionally. And I feel like that's something that I'm still going through. It's still something that I'm still trying to figure out in my life right now. And I just, I don't know. I wouldn't really, I don't, I wouldn't really conform myself to a label. I really wouldn't really put a label to myself because, of course, the things that I went through and of course the things that I'm still trying to figure out about myself, and I just don't think it's fair for, like, you're.

[Alan Heist]

Still trying to heal. Yeah, I want to go a little bit back, you know, Nos cuentas unpojito de que to primo. How is that today? You know? Do you constantly see him at, like, family functions? If so, is it awkward?

[Lucas Reyes]

I wish things were different. I still, I do still see him from time to time. I haven't really seen him recently, but I do see him from time to time. I hear my family talking about him sometimes. I'll overhear his name sometimes I'll be walking at the store and I'll run into him or I'll see him somewhere because he still lives in the area. And it's definitely. It is a situation that I shut down in. I feel like the moment I hear his name, the moment I see him, the moment I hear he's coming, I shut down. Down. I get very. I feel like I emotionally opt out, and I. I start to, like, panic.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

I have this panic attack and I have this fear, and I shut myself out, and I don't want to talk to anyone, and I. And I start trembling, and I feel like I get very, very anxious and. But I've always had that since. Since I was a kid. I've always been this very, very anxious kid. But anytime that I see him or any given situation that I hear that he's there, I. You'll see it on my mood quick. So fast my mood changes because I just cannot be in a room with him. I can't be in a room with him. I can't see him. Emotionally, physically, mentally, I don't feel okay. I don't feel like I can even.

[Alan Heist]

Face your aggressor.

[Lucas Reyes]

Face my aggressor. But I think that is more so because of the fact that when I did come out with my story, I was actually 17 years old when I came out about it. I remember I was sitting on the bed with my tia. We were listening to a podcast, actually. Ironic, huh? We were listening to a podcast. It was called Family Podcast. And there was a specific segment where they were talking about family traumas and things that they went through, etc. And one of the things that they were talking about hit really close to home. And I remember laying on her bed, we made eye contact, we looked at each other, and she could just tell off of my facial expressions that just something was not okay. Okay. And so something led her to ask me a question. She asked me a question. I just let everything out, let my emotions out. I said one thing, and that was it. She knew. She knew the rest. She had a feeling already. She had already had, had an idea. And I was like, okay. Like, wow. Like, it felt like. Like a relief.

[Alan Heist]

Did she believe you in that moment?

[Lucas Reyes]

In that moment? She did. In that moment, she believed me. I felt good. I felt relief. But I also felt very anxious, and I felt scared because I knew eventually he was gonna find out.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

And all I remember is him telling me not to tell anybody. So Maithi ended up calling my mom. She ended up, like, we were crying. Everyone was crying. I was in the room. My Thea was in her room. I was just bawling. I didn't want to see anybody. She called my mom. My mom came bawling her eyes out. She was like, I failed you as a son. Oh, my gosh. I can't believe this. Everything started to make sense because there were so many times where my mom would catch me, like, in her dresses. There was many times where she would catch me, like it was a norm. Like, her clothes were missing, and she's like, where. Where my clothes at? That. And it was just something I couldn't explain to her. I didn't know how to explain to her. I didn't know how to tell her that, hey, like, this is my own cousin. It was just, like, very, very emotional. My mom was just, like, crying. She felt like she failed me as a mother. And I was just reassuring her that it was okay, that there was nothing that she could have done. Because, of course, you know, I don't want my mom to feel bad. I don't want anybody to feel bad for the situations that I went through. Of course, I wish outcomes were different, but I do understand that it is something that happens in families, and sometimes it's. It's not anyone's fault. And I just. I try not to put blame on anybody. Like, you know, I just. I don't know. I just try not to make other people feel bad for the things that I.

[Alan Heist]

That, like, everyone kind of knew. Did you guys ever tell his parents, or what was that like?

[Lucas Reyes]

So once my mom find out, she called my Theo, which is his father. She called them, and she briefly explained to him the situation. I don't really know the conversation that they had, but I do know that she. She basically told him that. What? Like, she basically told him what he did to me. And my Theo said that he was going to have a conversation with him. It was very vague. It wasn't like, this long conversation or like, oh, you need to come here right now. We need to talk in person. It was more so of like, oh, I'm gonna pick up the phone. I'm gonna call. I'm gonna ask this question. And it never got resolved after that. The last thing that I know is my uncle asked him if it happened and if it was true. And he asked him the question in front of his little brother, who was also a victim. And the. The response that he got was, no, that never happened. They took that. They ran with it. They came back to me and told me that it never happened, that he denied It. It never happened. And we just swept it under the rug. Never got talked about ever again. We just continued with life. He told me that he wanted to talk to me in person, have a conversation with me, me, so I can get more in depth about it. And we never had that conversation. And I still see my Theo to this day. I still, you know, see that cousin. And to me, it's just, like, an uncomfortable feeling being around them, because I feel like he had every opportunity to create that conversation, and the way that he chose to do it, it was in a very, like, irresponsible way. Like, how could you take such a sensitive and serious topic and just ask your child then and there in the car while the other victim is there in the back and ask. Oh, is like. It was like he asked a true or false question. Yeah, he got a false. He said it was false, and that's it. And they slept under the rug. They didn't try to question anything. They didn't try to get my story. They didn't try to hear me out. And things just kind of went that way. So the last thing that I know is him denying it. And then I started hearing from his mom that he. That. That she was obviously, you know, his mom, she's not related to me at all. So of course she's, like, going to be in his defense. And his mom was saying, like, oh, there's no way that could have ever happened. They were never even together that long. Wrong. They were never even around. He was always with me. I felt like, how are you gonna tell me what I went through if I'm the one going through it? I'm the one experiencing this. These are my life experiences, and I'm talking about what I went through. And I'm not asking you whether you believe me or not. I am a very, very forgiving person. If my cousin would have came to me and told me, hey, you know what? I did this to you. I'm sorry. I know what I did was wrong. I feel like I would have been.

[Alan Heist]

I feel like it would give you closure.

[Lucas Reyes]

It would have definitely gave me some closure. I feel like I would have felt a little better. Of course, the trauma still sits, but I feel like I would have just. I would have felt a little better. I feel like life would have moved a little different. I feel like navigating life after that, for me, was very hard. It was very hard because I felt like my story was taken, and it was. It was not heard. It was not seen. No one cared. No one cared to Even ask. No one even cared to check up on me. No one cared to even bother to even go into detail about what happened and what went down. Because it wasn't something that I was just gonna bring up out of nowhere. It wasn't like a conversation that I was gonna, you know, I wasn't gonna be at the dinner table and be like, hey, so this is what happened. So and so, you know, did this to me. This is what we went through. I feel like after that, after I told my family, I feel like I was kind of waiting for people to come to me. Because one thing about my family, like one, once one person finds out something, the next person finds out. And now the whole family, everybody Guatemala probably found out. I know everyone found out. And I knew everybody knew. But no one ever came to me and asked me like questions, are you okay? Like, what happened? What? Even if I wasn't in the mood to explain, even if I was like emotionally opted out and not okay, I think it was the principle of people like just checking on me and being there for me. So the process after that, it was very hard for me. I feel like it manifested itself in like, like eating disorders, body dysmorphia. I started gaining a lot of weight. I started eating a lot, binge eating. I started. I hated myself. I built low self esteem. I feel like I just, I was like trying to be somebody that I wasn't. I was trying so hard to like fit into crowds and to be somebody and try to feel seen and to be validated. I even like, you know, put myself into friend groups that didn't belong. I started conforming to their styles and what, you know, and what they would do. And I realized that I didn't fit in, that I was just this person that was seeking validation, seeking this attention from other people. Because I wasn't getting it within like my own household or within my own family for the things that I went through. I gained so much weight. I was so unhappy with myself. Like I said, I was going through all these different phases, phrases, and I ended up losing weight. I ended up, you know, I felt like there were. I just felt so disgusted with myself. I wanted to change something about myself. I was like, I'm not happy with myself. What can I do to change myself? You know, I was like getting picked on. People were picking on me. You know, my family was always telling me, like, you're getting heavier, you know, but never really focused on the underlying issues on what I was really going.

[Alan Heist]

Through and why, why is he getting.

[Lucas Reyes]

Right why is he getting bigger? It was more so. So, like, you need to stop eating. You're getting big, you need to go to the gym, you need to do something, you know, you're lazy. Anytime. There was like, some type of, like, unusual situation about me. It was always like, to my family, it was like, like some type of, like, negative thing that, like, that, like, I wanted or that I chose. So I wanted to change myself. So I started to lose weight. You know, I started going to the gym, and I didn't really like it. I felt like. I don't know, I felt like it was just too much. I feel like it was just too much work for me. Me. And so that's when I started trigger warning to anyone. But I started to, like, not eat. I started to not eat. Yes. And then even in the times that I would eat, because, you know, in Hispanic families, you know, Thanksgiving, Christmas, holidays, it's so hard to resist the food. I would eat my food and, like, nobody would know, but I would secretly go to the bathroom. I would spend so much time in the bathroom that people would think, like, like, what are you doing in the bathroom so long? Oh, he's taking a shit, he's doing, you know. But the whole time I was throwing up my food. I. I was, I. I was not happy with myself. I felt so disgusted. I was in the bathroom just trying to get this food out of my body. I felt so disgusted. I didn't even feel like I was, like, deserving of food. I didn't feel like I was deserving of that. So I started to lose weight, like, very, very drastically. I actually lost 175 pounds in a matter of six months. So in six months, I lost 175 pounds. And this was around Covid. This was around Covid just from throwing up? Yes. And then after the six months was when I started going to the gym and I started to eat healthy and I started meal prepping, and I really got into the healthy side of things. I was over exercising a lot. I was tracking my calories. I became very obsessed with it. At first it started like I said, I went to the gym. It started as something like, okay, this is something new and different. Different. I was even telling my friends, I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna lose weight. I don't care. Today I'm starting my diet. And me telling myself every day, I'm.

[Alan Heist]

Gonna start my diet, like on Monday. Monday comes.

[Lucas Reyes]

Didn't start it, literally. So that was me, except I really followed through with it. But after, like, a week, I was like, you know what? Like, this is just too much. I need more. Like, I feel like I craved, like, the weight loss. Like, I saw the progress, and I noticed the number on the scale, and I was like, it keeps going down. It keeps going down. I need to do more and more to get myself there. So I was buying weight loss pills. I was taking vitamins. I was doing even apple cider vinegar shots for breakfast. I was doing gummies. I was taking all types of, like, vitamins and things to, like, lose weight faster. I was wearing fajas. I was wearing, like, three, four of them.

[Alan Heist]

You became obsessed.

[Lucas Reyes]

I was so obsessed because I saw the number on the scale, and I feel like I really allowed that number to, like, take over and to define me. And so I started losing weight. And as I was losing weight, people started telling me, like, oh, you're so much happier. You're getting so much better. You're healthier. I kept getting all of these accomplishments, elements where people were like, oh, I'm so proud of you. You're doing so much better. You're thriving. Which obviously, you know, I am proud of myself for how far I've become. But in that moment, I was a hurt person. Yeah, in that moment, I was really going through it, and I don't feel like anybody really seen that. I feel like everyone's seen it in a positive way, like, oh, he's finally losing weight. He's doing really good. But I was going through it. I feel like that was, like, a really dark place in my life. I've had hit rock bottom. And I was like, I don't know how I'm going to get myself out of this R. I became so obsessed that I'm like, I am getting skinny and skinny and skinny, but I was so obsessed with it. And so eventually I started to, like, do the right things. I started to eat healthy. I started going to the gym. I was in a calorie deficit. You know, I was, like, doing the right thing because my brother's wife, she's like, a personal trainer, and so she would, like, send me, like, workouts and things to do. And I was like, okay. Once I was able to find structure and get on a routine, that's when I was like, okay, it's game over. Like, I could do this.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

I realized once I started to implement that calorie deficit, I was like, okay, it's not about. It's not about whether, you know, I go out and I have, like, a few cookies or I go down And I have tacos or whatever. It's just about how much you eat and how much you indulge. And that's when I realized, like, so I can really, like, I need to be nice to my body. I can feed myself. It's okay to feed yourself. It's okay to go have those tacos. So I started eating more and more, and that's when I realized I was still losing weight while eating. So I was, I was like, losing weight and then I was like, gaining weight and muscle and I was getting, like, more lean. And then I went through so many phases where I was like, I gained weight and then I cut and I gained weight and I cut and like, I'm still in that process, you know, but once I figured it out and once I found like, that hope, I'm like, okay, like, I know what to do now. I know what I need to do. I need to be nicer to myself. I need to, to feed my body, give my body that energy in order for me to thrive. Like, I realized I snapped out of it. I was like, no, this is not okay. I can't do this. I can't keep doing this. I'm living a lie. I'm. Everyone thinks I'm eating and here I am, you know, throwing everything up. And to me, it was just like, it was not a comfortable feeling at all. It was like, those were the worst days of my life that I never want to look back on. But I am definitely proud of, like, how far I've come because it definitely was a journey. I don't want that to take away from the fact that, that I. I did put a lot of work in. Into the gym, you know, I was working hard, I was going on runs. I was very in tune with my, like, my weight loss journey, you know, and yeah, that's just like, how my childhood was.

[Alan Heist]

First of all, before we move forward, I really do want to say that I appreciate you sitting here and having this conversation with me because I know how empowering this can be for anyone at home that is currently or has gone through anything, anything similar. What advice can you give to anyone who's ever gone through anything similar and maybe is still trying to, like, piece their life together after that.

[Lucas Reyes]

One thing I will say is you are not defined by the obstacles that you go through. You're not defined by the hurt. You're not defined by who doesn't believe. Believe you, I feel like, stand your truth, stand your ground and know that whatever you went through, eventually it's going to come to light. Someone will believe you. Somebody will see you. And I just encourage people, like, if you've ever gone through something where you've felt taken advantage of or you felt unseen or unheard, that, I mean, I believe you. I know there is people out there that, that will believe you. And I know, I know it hurts feeling unseen and feeling invalidated. But hold on to your truth. Always hold on to your truth. Because eventually the truth will come to light and people will see that.

[Alan Heist]

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[Lucas Reyes]

I did end up like in jail. Wasn't like jail jail. It was more so like a beyond Scared straight episode. Like juvie vibes. Yeah, exactly like. So basically I was in a holding cell. So the way that this all happened was as a, as a kid, like I said, I was like very, very family oriented. I would spend a lot of time with my Thea. And this specific Thea, she was a police officer. Okay, so keep in mind she was a police officer. And I remember like on my birthday, she invited me over to her house and I was there hanging out with her. We were swimming in her pool, we were doing stuff together and. And she let me use her iPad every time that we would go Over. And I remember I downloaded this one game. It was called the World of Magic. It was like an IMO game and it was a game where you can like collect platinum and you can like get armor and collect pets and use that platinum to like grow this community and like just have a bunch of cool stuff in the game. So I was playing this game and obviously as a kid, like I said, I was very, you know. Yes, very, like tremendous though. So as I was playing this game, I went to go try to buy platinum on her iPad. And when I went to go hit purchase, I saw like the face that I had. I went from like a straight face to like, like I was like, oh my God. It went through like it does. The purchase was successful. Yeah. So it was. So it was $50. It started. It started at 50. Right. But of course it didn't just stop there at the $50, you know, I bought what I needed, I got what I got. And then I just felt so, so cool in the game. I felt like, oh my God. Everybody was like, no way you got that rare pet. I just felt like it made me like, I feel like seen. Yes, it made me feel seen in the game. So I was playing this game and I was like buying all this stuff and eventually I started to buy more platinum and more platinum and I just kept like spamming the button. I don't even know how many times I bought. I just know that I kept buying and buying and buying. I even went up to the 100amount and I was just buying and buying. Yeah, no, I like, I emptied dollar bank account on the game. I think it was like $1,000 dam on the game. What is it going to do? You know, another 50 won't hurt. And obviously as a kid, like, to me, this is free money, you know, to me, like, this is like, yeah, exactly. This is not my money. Like, this is a dream to me. So I just kept purchasing it and purchasing it. At this time, I think it was my 13th birthday. So I was 13 years old. I. I remember like leaving her house. I remember like I felt guilty, obviously. I had this guilty conscious in me, you know, Obviously I knew I did something wrong. I knew I did something I wasn't supposed to do. But I feel like, you know, after a while I just like, I forgot about it. I forgot what I did. I didn't even remember about it. I still continue going to my tia's house. Like, nothing. We were still hanging out. She was still inviting me over. So after a while I figured like, okay, like she's never. She's never gonna call. Yeah.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

She's never gonna find out. It's okay. I don't even have to think about it. Like, it's already been over a year. Thea doesn't even know about it. She's still inviting me over. Like, you know, just don't do it again. We're gonna be okay. So eventually, a few years Later, I was 15, actually, when. When came and everything. Yeah. So I was 15 because it was two years later. I remember I was at my. Another Thea's house of mine. Sorry. Have, like, a huge family, as you can see. I was always spending time with my Theas. Like, I was literally raised by all of my family, so shout out to them. But I was staying at my Thea's house. I was getting ready for school. It was, like, bright and early. Birds just woke up. It's six in the morning. I'm like, one eye open. I hear banging at the door. My Thea comes in the room, wakes me up. She's like, lucas, what did you do? What did you do? And I'm like, what? What? What? She was like, the cops are outside. And I'm like, what for what? What? Like, And I'm thinking in my head, like, wait, what did I do? I could think of so many things right now, like, what did I do?

[Alan Heist]

You know by this time, you weren't taking any more money.

[Lucas Reyes]

No.

[Alan Heist]

Okay, so you're like, girl, it has nothing to do with this.

[Lucas Reyes]

Exactly. Exactly. Right? So in my head, I'm thinking, like, wait, is it the one time I did this or that? Was it this one time last year? Like, you know, I'm thinking of the more recent stuff. I wasn't trying to think two years back, eventually, you know, cops knocked at the door. And it's funny, because at this time, my cousin was leaving to go get dropped off to school when the cops arrived.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

And so they went up to him, and they were like, oh, are you Lucas? And they went up to him to grab him, and they were about to take him to jail. And that's when my Thea was like, oh, no, no, no, no. That's not Luki. He's in the house. Yeah. They're like, nah, he's over there. So the cops came to the door. They banged on the door. They're looking for me. I was just upstairs, all scared, all nerves. My Thea's like, you have to go down. You have to go down. Like, what did you do? Yeah, I'm shooting bricks. She's like, what did you do? Mind you, I still don't know what I did. Like, yeah, thinking of some things. No, she didn't know.

[Alan Heist]

She didn't know either.

[Lucas Reyes]

She didn't know either. So she was just thinking in the back of her mind, like, damn, what did Lucas do? I think she was thinking, like, worst case scenario. Because eventually when they found out what it really was, I think it was just like a shocker. Like, to the family. They were like, no way. That's why. Like, what?

[Alan Heist]

So they arrested you, and then what happened?

[Lucas Reyes]

So what happened was the cops came, I went down there, and they ended up arresting me. They put me in back of the car, mind you. They did not tell me anything why I was under arrest, why they were taking me to jail. They didn't tell me anything. They just pulled up, bunch of cop cars. I was like, okay. In my head, I was thinking of a scenario. So I was like, okay, I am guilty. Like, take me. Like, let's go. I'm guilty. You know, I might have did something. Maybe it's because I pulled the fire alarm in school that one time, you know, I was like, was it that one time that I threw eggs at my school? And, like, you know, know? I was like, wait, do I rat myself out? Do I not? Like, what do I say? So when they asked me like, hey, so do you know why you're here? I was like, no, you know, good thing I said the right answer, right? Because I was like, wait, fudge. What if I end up saying something that they don't know? Exactly, right? So then when they finally told me what it was, they told me, like, my aunt's name and everything. As soon as they told me their name and if I knew who this lady was, I was like, oh, yeah, that's my tia. That's my aunt. They were like, oh, she's your aunt? Like, she works with us. She's our colleague. And I'm like, oh, really? And they were like, yeah. So there was a time, this was back in, like, 2014, where you used her debit card and you went on a shopping spree and you bought all of this stuff or all of these games, these IMO games, mobile games. And I was just sitting there like.

[Alan Heist]

You'Re like, what the hell?

[Lucas Reyes]

I was like, yeah. I was like, what the heck?

[Alan Heist]

Like, I don't even have the game anymore.

[Lucas Reyes]

I'm like, wait, I haven't played that game in a About, like a year now. Hold on. No way. They. They got me. I was like, okay, that was like my, you know, like, I got caught moment, you know, it was very. A very humbling moment because I. Here I am thinking, like, you know, I'm not gonna ever get caught, and then they get me. And so then when I explained to them the situation, it easily came to my brain. I remembered everything. I was like, okay, it was the time I was using her iPad. I went on a shopping spree. You know, I bought all of the platinum that I could. You know, I was the best in the game. And they said that they were under the impression that I took, like. I guess the way that the report was made was that I took her card. Like, I took her physical card and I went on a shopping spree and I went out and I made all these purchases and I bought shoes and I bought clothes and I bought stuff for myself and whatnot. And. But that's like. That's just the report that my thea made.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

But basically my thea exaggerated the report. She did it on purpose. Purpose. She exaggerated the report because that's just how she is. That's literally her nature. She's very saharada. Literally everything that she does. I mean, she's a cop, so she was the cop. She was literally.

[Alan Heist]

She was like, I'm gonna exaggerate so they can take it serious.

[Lucas Reyes]

Exactly.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

From the beginning, the cops told me, like, really seriously, like, this is your aunt. Like, she couldn't just talk to you. She couldn't just have a conversation with you. I was like, no, actually, I just seen her last week. I'm like, I've been seeing her in the last few years and she has not brought up the conversation to. To me. She has not said anything to me. And it was just like, to me, obviously, like, I knew I did something wrong. I took accountability. I knew I should have never done that. But for me it was like, well, why couldn't you just, like, reprimand me and tell me and why couldn't we go through this differently? You know, like, why did you have to go the extra mile and write a whole report? Not only make a report, but also specify that you want the maximum sentence for me? Yeah, that's what she put on down there. She put maximum sentence. And she wanted me to go through the worst things so that I could, like, grow or learn from it. And so that was her mindset, was we need to. Because for a while, even when I was, like, getting in trouble in school or I was, like, doing bad things, or I was very travieso, my Tia, she always wanted me to go through a day in jail. Like the beyond Scare Straight. She was like, we need to send him to jail. Yeah, exactly, yeah. And I'm like, okay, all right, whatever. So that was my moment. They took me there, they put me in a holding cell and everything. They basically just told me like, oh, if I remembered what I did and do I remember how much? And I'm like, I really don't remember how much. And they were like, well, it was actually almost $1,000. And I'm like, oh, wow. Like, I didn't even know because at that time I didn't know anything about.

[Alan Heist]

No wonder. You were hella popular in the game.

[Lucas Reyes]

Exactly, right? Yeah, I was so popular in the game. I was like number one on the stats, basically. Long story short, like, she ended up like pressing charges against me. She ended up like doing the maximum sentence and then also taking me to court. And she was so hurt by it. She was so like, betrayed by it. In which I understand. And I was very like remorseful when that situation happened. Cuz I remember like finding out about it. Well, obviously I already knew, but I remember when, when I found out like how she really felt, felt, I felt like, damn, like, did I break my family apart? Like, I was so close to her. I'm telling you, we were like rock solid.

[Alan Heist]

Did you guys have to pay a fine or something?

[Lucas Reyes]

No, we didn't have to pay anything. But I later found out that like, you know, I mean, it happens to the best of us. We all get fraud on our, on our cards. Right? And when you go through the process, depending on if you have a credit card or debit card, you can get your money back faster. If it's credit and debit, it takes a while, but normally you get your money back from the banks. She got her money back like two weeks later. Yeah, all the money back. So she had already got all the money back. So I think what she did was just to teach me a lesson.

[Alan Heist]

She was like, you know what? Everywhere.

[Lucas Reyes]

Exactly, exactly. For sure. No, for sure. Yeah. No, I definitely changed my ways after that. It definitely was a learning, like lesson lesson for me. But it definitely created like some tension within our family because there was a lot of family that felt like it was unfair. There was a lot of my family that felt like, well, she could have handled it differently. She didn't need to do it the way that she did. And I feel like because of that, we don't have a relationship anymore. I don't have a relationship with her at all. I feel like she still sees me as like a bad person. She still sees me as like, she sees me as like a criminal. Like every time I'm traveling or doing something, she always takes my car. No, literally. She always, always thinks I'm up to no good or I'm always up to something. So it definitely did affect our relationship. I wish that it didn't. Cuz obviously I'm an older person now. I've learned from my mistakes. I know that, you know, that does not reflect, you know, me as a kid. Those actions don't reflect who I am today. And I just wish that it could be a conversation that we could laugh about and that we could talk about and be like, you remember the time where, you know, I use your card and I bought all this stuff and did this and that, you know, but it's okay, it's okay.

[Alan Heist]

Savos all over social media on everyone's for you pages. But it wasn't always like that. And what made you be like, you know what, maybe I should get my phone, record myself and upload it because who knows where it'll go.

[Lucas Reyes]

So as a kid, I was always that one kid that was always like recording my life. I always had like, you know, my little ipod. I was walking around the school, I was always like vlogging, acting like I had a YouTube channel. Hey guys, welcome back to my YouTube channel. You know, even though I had like one subscriber, you know, you're all talking to yourself. Literally. You know, I'm subscribed to myself, I'm wanna come. I feel like I was always like that kid that just was. I feel like I was just like, I don't know, I feel like I was always that kid that like was meant to do like social media or like meant to film. I remember like when I started, I started on like vomit vine back when vine was a thing. And then I started on musically and then I started creating content. But I didn't have like any content strategy or anything. It was just more so free for all and filming whatever came to my mind, you know, as a kid. And so eventually after musically, I found this one app and it was called you Now.

[Alan Heist]

Okay. Oh, I remember it was like the live streaming app.

[Lucas Reyes]

Yes. So there was this app and it was. Yeah, it was you now. And I remember I started live streaming on there there and I started going live every single day. I started building a following up on there. I met a lot of really, really cool people from there. And a lot of people actually from musically would go on to younow. So a lot of, like, even the biggest musically star being there, I met a lot of, like, those creators. I got to, you know, go live with some of them. I got to meet a lot of cool people. I started building a platform for myself on there. I remember I was like, going on people's talent shows, even though I had no talent. I had no talent at all. But I would go on there, I would sing my heart out, I would dress up, I would like. I remember, like, there was like this Halloween contest one time on there, and I went on there and I got like, third place and I won some money and I would go live and people would, like, send me gifts. Kind of how TikTok is right now with the gifts, the whole gift thing. I was going through that way back then on younow, where people were sending me gifts, and I spent, like, I would spend so much money too, sending people gifts back on you now. And I feel like I really did build, like, this sense of community over there where it ended up, like, transferring over to my other socials.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

I then created a YouTube channel after that because I got so comfortable, you know, being on younow and building this platform. I had like, maybe like 5,000 people following me on you now. And as at that time, that. That's a lot.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah, that's a lot of people still now, right?

[Lucas Reyes]

Exactly. And I'm like, that. I'm a young kid and I'm like, 5,000 people. Like, that's crazy. There's no way, like, maybe I should really start my YouTube channel. Enough of the fake vlogging, Enough of the fake things. Let's really get on top of my stuff. Let's make that YouTube channel. So I created a YouTube channel, and I still didn't really have a niche. I didn't really know what I wanted to film, but I just knew I wanted to do something, you know? So I started with Hispanic skits. I started making skits. And then from then I would do vlogs, and then I would move over to challenges and then pranks, and I would just do everything that everybody else was doing. And I was like, really following the trends and following, like, my favorite creators, seeing what they were doing, kind of trying to, like, implement different strategy. People were following me. There was definitely a lot of people who didn't believe in me. There was a lot of people, like, in my school who always thought, like, oh, like, he swears he's going to be a YouTuber. He swears going to be something. Like, they just. They Always doubted me, you know, So I just kept going and going and for a while, like, I didn't see any growth, you know? So eventually after like a year, that's when I really started to notice, like, the progress. Progression. I noticed that with consistency came growth. And as I remained consistent, I started gaining followers after followers. I remember. I remember I made this one viral video and it was the Chubby Bunny challenge.

[Alan Heist]

Okay.

[Lucas Reyes]

And you remember I was doing the Chubby Bunny challenge, and the video got like 10k views and I was like, oh, my gosh. Like, I'm viral. Yeah. I'm like, la, here I come. Like, you know, that was like, oh, my God, I made it moment for me at that age. I was like, oh, my God, I made it.

[Alan Heist]

How old were you at the time?

[Lucas Reyes]

I was 15.

[Alan Heist]

Okay. Okay. So, yeah, that was an I made it moment.

[Lucas Reyes]

Yeah. And I just turned 15. So mind you, this was like a year I was doing social media since I was like, 13. Yeah, like 13, 14 years old, since a young kid, since I could even remember. But yeah, so that was like, I made it moment for me. I had 10k views. And then after that, I started, like, posting more and more, but my videos were not performing the same way.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

And so I was just like, you know what, I don't care. I'm just going to keep posting and posting. And eventually I kept, like, you know, posting content. I started doing, like, Hispanic skits, and I noticed those started to, like, take off a lot, and people were really interested in those skits. I started including more of my family. I was including, like, my cousins and my tias and everybody, literally everybody was, like, so invested because once my family saw that I was doing YouTube and it was taking off and I was getting some, like, support, they were like, oh, let's create videos together. Yeah. And that's one thing. Like, that I like, admire a lot too, like, about my family, you know, like, they were. They were very like.

[Alan Heist]

Like, they were down for you.

[Lucas Reyes]

Yeah, they were very, like, down for me. And so I love that, like, if I was down to create something, they didn't know what to do, but all I had to do is tell them what to do and I would do it. So I started making skits, I started growing, and then every single day I started getting, like one to 200 new subscribers. I started doing challenges and eventually I started growing. I reached my first 10K. I went up. I went up to 30K, then 40 and 60. And I just kept going up and up and up. I remember at One point I stopped growing for like a year and a half and I was like, damn. Like, this is like my like fall off moment.

[Alan Heist]

You know, let me go look for a job.

[Lucas Reyes]

Like, this is my time. Like, let me go look for a job, let me go get my permit. Like, you know, let me go focus on something else. Else. And so, yeah, I, I've been doing it like social media for a while now. I feel like it's always been something that I've been into. Yeah, I feel like I just have so much to share and I like, like, I just like storytelling. I like creating content that gets that. I like creating content that allows other people to kind of like to feel related to. To me, you know, you start doing.

[Alan Heist]

Social media and at one point it starts picking up very rapidly. What was your aha moment where you're like, oh, I can make social media a full time job if I really get my shit together. Did you have like a big sponsorship or did you just have like a big paycheck that you're like, oh, there's actually money involved when it comes to social media.

[Lucas Reyes]

So from you now, actually, that was my biggest paycheck. So by going live, I remember I made my first. It wasn't that much, but to me at that age, at 15 years old, making $3,000 for just one live in one month is. That's someone else's.

[Alan Heist]

That's a lot.

[Lucas Reyes]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's a lot. Like that's someone else's paycheck. Like, that is to me was just like, I just felt very, like, I felt very grateful, I felt very blessed. I felt very like, I felt very like privileged. Like there's no way a 15 year old is able to just go live, live and make $3,000 off of just going live and getting gifts. It was like such a good feeling. I just felt like, well, what do I do with this money now that I have it?

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

And that's when I started like, you know, coming up with like different ways and different strategies of, you know, trying to implement different business strategies. And that's when I became like an entrepreneur and I was like, I want to start a business, I want to do this. I told my mom, I woke up one day and I was like, mom, I want to start a business. I don't know what I want to do, but I want to do something. I don't know if I want to go and do landscaping. I don't know if I want to go shovel snow. I don't know what I want to do. So we came up with a business concept and shout out to my mom growing up, like, I would always give my mom, like, massages all the time. Anytime my mom needed a massage, she had a hard day at work. She would come home and be like, lucas, like, I need your massage. Like, I need you to massage me. Can you, you know, come up here? Every time she called me to the room, I already knew what she needed. She needed me to massage her. So I would give her massages. I was surprisingly, like, really, really good at it. Me and my mom, we came up with this concept, and it was called Loop Lucas, the suitcase masseuse. So I started in a suitcase.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah, okay, you were travel.

[Lucas Reyes]

Travel.

[Alan Heist]

Exactly.

[Lucas Reyes]

So I started in a. In a suitcase. And I. My mom bought me all of the cream. She bought me everything that I needed, all of the supplies for me to start my business. And I started with a suitcase. And then I would, like, travel to people's homes. I would go to family parties, and I would do people's. I would be in. I was, like, the one in the corner at the party massaging people's feet. I know some people are gonna get disgusted or, like, weirded out by it, but. Hey.

[Alan Heist]

But that was a hard of lowkey. Convenient, though. And then after the Sapatiano, I desper. Lucas.

[Lucas Reyes]

Yes, exactly. In a massage chair and everything. I had a massage chair. I had a bucket of water. I had, like, a little jacuzzi, everything. Epsom salt. You know, I had the oils. Yeah. I had everything Touching people's feet.

[Alan Heist]

No, you're like, let me make you feel better.

[Lucas Reyes]

I don't have a feeling. It depends, though, whose feet they were, because, like, when it came to my theo's fee, I was like, oh, no, you're gonna have to pay me double.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah. You're like, this is crusty.

[Lucas Reyes]

Yeah. I was like, this is. Yeah, I was like, no, no, no. This is out of my league. Like, I feel like I was more comfortable, like, doing, like. Like, either people my age or, like, women's feet. Because my theos, the older theos, I was like, no athlete's foot.

[Alan Heist]

So how long did this business last?

[Lucas Reyes]

So it lasted, like, a few years.

[Alan Heist]

Okay.

[Lucas Reyes]

So it started with, like, family, and then it moved on to friends, and I created, like, these business cards. I had flyers. I was doing, like, I was charging, like, like, spa prices. That's good. Yeah. Like, I would do, like, $90 for 90 minutes, or I would do, like, $60 for 60. Like, I was charging Like a dollar per minute. So I was like, making my. My money and, like, it just felt really good. And it's something that, like, I enjoy doing, you know, I felt like it was not something that I was bored of, even though it was just something, like, different. I feel like it was something that I. I became used to, you know, and here I am with my suitcase, walking all around, just like, you know, unraveling it in the middle of the party, you know, setting myself up. And it really, like, I feel like it really pushed me to, like, to do more. And so after that, I started to, like, clean houses. I started working for my tia, and I was cleaning her house for about a year year, and I would go every single weekend. I would go to her house and I would clean, and she would give me like, 200.

[Alan Heist]

So after that business, you felt like it kind of put this mentality in you of, like, you know what? I gotta hustle.

[Lucas Reyes]

Definitely. I was like, okay, I definitely need a hustle. Obviously, seeing my mom work, seeing where she came from, you know, as a single parent working so hard, I realized that because my mom, she started working when she was like, 13 years old. She had lied about her age. Age. And she was like, working at burger king at 13 years old. And so, yeah, so seeing her do that, I. I realized, like, well, I need to get on my stuff, you know, I'm 15 years old already. I need to do something, like. And I feel like that's definitely, like, where I got it from. My mom definitely, like, instilled that in me. I feel like ever since then, I just been a go getter. I'm like, it's time to hustle. It's time to start something else. What new endeavor can I find? I want to start something else. I want to start a new business.

[Alan Heist]

Business, which I love, because you also recently came out with your own talent agencies. So I feel like that mindset has followed you all throughout, you know, about social media and about all the positives that can come with it. But also I feel like there's so many positives, but there's also so many negatives. And I feel like you're no stranger to the negatives, which is the hate. You're so accustomed and you're so used to getting all these hate comments here and there. Do they ever get to you?

[Lucas Reyes]

We're human, so of course, like, comments are going to get to us. I feel like from time to time I do come across comments where I'm like, if only you knew. If only you allowed Me the chance to show you who I am. But sometimes I'll go through them and I'm like, okay, this hate comment does not define me. It doesn't define who I am. It doesn't define my worth. I try to look at. I. One thing that I do and one thing that I've learned throughout my life is like cognitive therapy. And that's when you change a negative thought into a positive. So anything negative someone is saying about you, you refrain that into a positive thought, and you try to see it and put yourself in their shoes and just understand that these are, like, misperceptions that people have of you. So anytime I do see a hate comment, of course, like, there. There are times where I'm like, really? Like, why did you have to say that? Like, you know, it was already something that I was thinking about, or it's something maybe I was already, like, little insecure about. And sometimes I do see them, and I just take time and I reflect. I try not to act out in anger. I try not to get defensive. I try not to reply or to give in. Maybe they. They just don't know me for me yet. Maybe they. They're just viewing me through a distorted lens or they're painting a certain canvas of me, of a perception that they built over a rumor over he said, she said or something that they've seen on the Internet. So for me, I feel like I've created, like, that balance.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah, I think you have to. When you start doing social media, I feel like you kind of. It's. It's like you said, we're only human. And of course, if someone is saying something about you, whether it's true or not, I do feel like, you know, momento, where you're like, you know what? Like, f everyone. Like, even if people are telling me I'm this horrible human being, I know what I am. I know what I've gone through. Through. Yes, you were hospitalized for a whole week. So what led to your hospitalization? And how was spending a whole week in the hospital?

[Lucas Reyes]

I was hospitalized back in February of this year. And it was. I feel like it was. There was just like. I feel like there was a misperception of me on the Internet and there was miscommunication between me and, like, another creator. For me, personally, I don't feel like social media is real life.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

I feel like there's things that go on and there's. On social media and things that go on behind the scenes. To get to know a person, you have to get to Know them in person and really feel them. But I feel like me and this person, we had, we had a miscommunication on the Internet. It was something that I feel like was misperceived. I regret the situation that happened because of course I feel like it put me in a situation where I went defense mode and I felt like I had to like, defend myself because I knew what was being said about me was not true. But I feel like that only self sabotaged me and it really created a hate train where people were attacking me against me rather than supporting me. So when I came out in defense to these allegations and to this situation that was going on the Internet, I just felt so unheard and so attacked by thousands of people on the Internet. And mind you, this is not something that I'm used to. I'm so used to cultivating a community of positivity. I'm so used to, like, trying to help other people and make other people feel heard and seen. And when I see all the hate pouring down onto me, to me, like watching all of that happen was something new to me. I've never seen the amount of hate that I was receiving at that given moment. I'm talking like thousands. Like there was like, I don't know how many people, 30,000 maybe people that were watching the live, all Chief Moses trying to figure out, oh, what does he have to say? What is his response? And looking back at those videos, I do regret the way that I delivered my message. I feel like it didn't need to be done on social media. We could have corrected it privately. I feel like things didn't need to be said the way they were, but it happened.

[Alan Heist]

Was it like a big, like, scandal online that was going on at the time?

[Lucas Reyes]

It was, it was kind of like a big scandal. It wasn't like, it wasn't like that big. I don't think it needed to be a big deal, but it was just like a miscommunication between me and Wendy. And we're friends now, by the way. There's no beef, there's no tension. If you're watching this, you know, you know I love you. We're. We're friends, you know, we're on good terms now. Exactly. We're able to grow from it. We were able to, I feel like, communicate and squash that. And I just feel like it was something that in that moment we just, I feel like in that moment we just didn't see eye to eye.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

In that moment it was just a mis, misperception, You Know, it was just that miscommunication. And I feel like things could have been communicated differently, especially on my end. I feel like I do take a lot of accountability in the way that, that I reacted in and in the things that I said. But I feel like when you're, like, in defense mode, you just want people to hear you, you want to be seeing you. You want people to know that you're not the person that they think you are. So one thing that people were calling me was like, people kept calling me, like, obsessed. People kept calling me soft, calling me delusional, calling me weird, calling me all types of names.

[Alan Heist]

The whole dating thing.

[Lucas Reyes]

Yeah, okay.

[Alan Heist]

Okay, okay.

[Lucas Reyes]

Huh. I would say not dating, but it.

[Alan Heist]

Was like, stuff like that.

[Lucas Reyes]

Yeah.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah, okay.

[Lucas Reyes]

It was just like, like, talking or whatever. I feel like maybe on my part, obviously, I love very differently. I feel like I have a different type of love. I don't feel like, you know, I feel like we just love. I feel like we just love very differently. And the way that I love is just very, very strong. So I, I, I understand, like, I do get a little emotionally attached, you know, I get a little more emotionally attached than the average person, you know, but that's also because of the way that I grew up, and that's just who shapes me. But I feel like for certain people, that could be, like, too much. It can be very overbearing. And I felt like in that moment, like, I was just loving the way that I knew how to love. And I felt like that was something that was not seen, and it was taken as obsession and stalkerish. It was taking for something negative. They would see how I would text her constantly. And I'm the type of person where I put all my pride aside. If you don't respond to me and I want to text you, I'm going to text you. Yeah, I don't care how many times I need to text you, because if I need to get something off of my chest and I need to let you know, I'm going to let you know. And I'm going to, I'm going to vocalize myself. You, you know, I'm never like, oh, well, you haven't texted me back in five days. I'm not going to text you till you text me first. You know, if I feel away, I'm going to let you know. And so that's kind of what it was. There was a lot of messages where I was, like, texting, and, you know, I wasn't necessarily, necessarily getting the response, but I was Getting, like, that reassurance that, hey, look, I see your messages. I'm just not good at replying. Like, I'm like, okay. We all go through those. Those moments, you know? So the way that it happened was we met through, like, lives, right? We were going live with each other. I remember we went live and we were, like, playing, like, this one game on the live where I don't know what the game is called, but you had to, like, go around and grab a specific item in your house. Like. Like.

[Alan Heist]

Like scavenger hunt.

[Lucas Reyes]

Exactly. We were. Yeah, we were playing this game, and it was scavenger hunt. And, like, everyone had to go grab an item in a certain amount of time. So that's how we, like, really met. And then social media started to, like, ship us together and put us together. You know how it goes with the Internet. Internet always trying to people. They're always trying to put people together. I feel like I still deal with it now. People are always shipping me and putting me with my friends and even the friends that I have now, you know, like, I have people shipping me with, like, my closest friends. I have people shipping me, like, with every girl that they see me go live with. So it was just one of those situations where I was being shipped with her, and maybe I got a little too carried away with it, and I was like, okay, maybe this feels a little nice. I got very vulnerable with her. Her. And she, like, heard me out. I felt very, like, supported. I felt seen. Like, she made me feel seen. She made me feel comfortable. I felt like we had a good friendship. And that's something that I do miss. And I feel like that's why I feel like I wish I could change things, because I feel like on my part, maybe I seen things the way that, you know, she didn't, and I was moving on too fast. And maybe we should have just kept it the way that it was as friends. Because when, you know, when I met her as a friend, when we met for the first time, I felt like, well, why couldn't it just be like this from the beginning? You know?

[Alan Heist]

Friendship.

[Lucas Reyes]

Exactly. So with all the hate and everything that I was getting, I remember I was laying down in my bed and I was just scrolling through TikTok. I was looking at my for you page that same night, and I kept seeing all of these clips. And one thing I hate seeing is, like, I hate seeing myself talking.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah.

[Lucas Reyes]

I hate my watching videos of myself. I don't like seeing clips of myself. I'm like, oh, imagine that. But you're all the clips that, that you're seeing are negative clips about yourself. And then you go to the comments, and all the top, like, comments are people calling you all types of names and making fun of you and calling you soft and calling you all of these things that you used to be called as a child. And so I feel like in that moment I felt like even though I tried to express myself, even though I tried to defend myself, I feel like it really, really. I feel like it really created, like, a bigger situation and it made people think I was, like, crazy, er, because of how much I was trying to defend myself. And so seeing that really led me to spiral. And I just felt so alone in that moment. I felt so unheard. I felt like, wow, like the Internet. No one believes me. Not even my own. Like, family or close friends have believed me in past situations. And it really reminded me of those situations. It reminded me of. Of the traumas that I went through where I was trying to, you know, I was trying to explain myself to someone and they didn't believe me. And in that moment, I was like, I'm talking to the world. I'm talking to 30,000 people right now, and no one believes me. No one sees me. I felt just so belittled as a person that I was just. I was just like, you know what? I'm done. Like, I cannot. I cannot do this. I felt very. I just felt very. I felt very alone. Yeah, I felt very hated. I felt like nobody liked me. I didn't know how I could even come back to this. I didn't even want to be on my phone. So I remember I was telling my friend I was just venting to her, and I was letting her know. I was like, hey, like, I don't feel okay right now. I was like, I. As much as I hate to say this, I don't feel okay right now. I don't want to put all the blame on that specific situation because I was not in the best mindset already seeing those and going into it, I wasn't in the best mindset mindset. And I think that has to do with why I reacted to the way that I did. So defensive. I just feel like I was just doing what I felt I needed to do. I was doing what I felt my heart needed to do. And that is what led me to the hospital because my mind got so clouded with negative thoughts that I no longer felt safe in my environment. I no longer felt safe. I've already had many past experiences with being in the hospital. I've had past experiences with my mental health, with where I've been admitted to the emergency room. Seven years old was actually the first time I went to the emergency room. I was in the hospital for two weeks at seven years old, and that was the first time that I actually, like, attempted to take my life. And ever since then, I've been in and out of the hospitals. And so I knew in that moment, like, okay, if I don't take initiative now and tell a friend that, hey, you know what? I'm not mentally okay, then I'm not, you know, who knows what could happen to me? When you get in that mindset, it's so hard because you have, like, so many negative thoughts, like, on one side of your brain, and it starts outweighing all of the positive, and you just feel so. Like, you feel so belittled. You just don't feel like you. You don't feel like you have a sense of belonging anymore. And so every time, like, I would check my DMs, and everything was just hate. Hey, hey. Everyone was hating me, and I was like, wow, like.

[Alan Heist]

Like, people do.

[Lucas Reyes]

People really do hate me.

[Alan Heist]

Did your friend, like, call the police or the hospital or how did you get it admitted?

[Lucas Reyes]

So my friend ended up taking that initiative, which I'm so thankful for, because I don't know what I would do with the. Without her doing that. She took the initiative. She called the hospital, and she actually came to pick me up because they were going to send the ambulance, but I've been in so many ambulances that my, like, medical debt is, like, she knew better to not get the ambulance, you know? So she came, she picked me up, she took me to the hospital. They evaluated. They evaluated me and everything. And I was there for, like, about a week. And, yeah, while I was there, I felt like I needed that. I needed to be away. I felt like I was not okay at home. I didn't feel okay. I felt, like, given, like, my past experiences and things that I've done to myself, I feel like it was something that I needed to, like, like, decompress. I needed, like, a little breather, a little break to kind of snap back into reality and realize, like, hey, like, look, this is the Internet. Like, snap out of it. It's okay. Take a deep breath. You know, I just. I hated myself so much. I felt like I. I just felt so, like, unheard. And so, yeah, I was in the hospital and I was there. And then I remember, like, I was calling my friends from the hospital phone, like, when it first happened, and, like, I was, like, remembering whose number I could call, because I'm like, when you're in those situations, like, they gave you a certain amount of time to talk on the phone, so they're like, you have five minutes of phone time at this time, and then you got to give up the phone. So I remember, like, you know, a few numbers, and then I called them. And then someone who actually, like, called me while I was in the hospital was Meche. And so I think she's the only one, like, that checked up on you. That checked up on me, aside from my best friend. I have a best friend. Like a. Like a hometown.

[Alan Heist]

Best hometown.

[Lucas Reyes]

Exactly.

[Alan Heist]

Childhood.

[Lucas Reyes]

Yeah. I have, like, a hometown best friend. And then, like, I have, like, my close friends from, like, work. It's like social media and stuff is work. So I have, like, close friends from social media and stuff. But it was only, like, certain. Like, I. Like, certain close friends. But I remember, like, saving one of my friend's number, and I called her, and I was like, hey. Like, it just felt so awkward. I felt like I was in jail. I was like, you know, like, what am I doing here?

[Alan Heist]

Because they're, like, keeping up and watching everything you're doing, right, to make sure you're not harming yourself.

[Lucas Reyes]

Exactly. Okay, so, yeah, when you get admitted to a place like that, I mean, I. I'm not new to it, by all means, but when you go in there, they, like, they take your. They take your shoelaces off. They. You. Obviously, you can't have, like, shoes in general, but they take your shoelaces off, so you don't have them with you. They take your shoes. They take your. Your string off from your hoodies. They take.

[Alan Heist]

Like. They think of everything.

[Lucas Reyes]

They think of everything. Like, they'll cut. They'll cut the strings on your. On your pants. Like, if you have anything, they. They cut everything. They have, like, cages on the windows. They. They really make you feel like.

[Alan Heist]

Like you're in jail.

[Lucas Reyes]

Like, you're in jail. Like, I'm like, okay, you're going through.

[Alan Heist]

A whole mental battle, and you're like, oh, my God, where am I?

[Lucas Reyes]

Yes. So when I was there, I felt so mentally insane because, well, in my head, I'm like, okay. At that time. Well, in the beginning of this year, I was 21. So I'm like, okay, I'm 21 years old now. Like, why am I still going through this? You know? It's already been over, like. Like 15 years of going through this. Like, how did I Allow myself to get to this point again because the last time I was hospitalized prior to that was when I was 18 years old. And so that was also something very detrimental to me as well, because that was more like, I feel like life threatening. I feel like that was something that I actually attempted, I actually did harm to myself in this situation was more so of like, you were aware of.

[Alan Heist]

Where it can take you.

[Lucas Reyes]

Exactly. I was very aware there because I knew the mental state that I was in and I knew what it could lead to. And so being there, it definitely did feel a little awkward. I felt crazy. I felt insane. I felt like, damn, like, you know, like, why am I in this situation again? How could I even tell the Internet? And I never. I haven't even told, like, I haven't spoken up about it. I haven't told anybody about this recent situation because I don't want people to like, see me or deem me as crazy or weird because they already did. You know, when I try to talk about myself and people were already calling me all types of names, so I come out and I tell people like, oh, I was hospitalized, blah, blah, blah. I feel like they were gonna think.

[Alan Heist]

You were doing it for attention or whatever the case is. I feel like social media and just the Internet is so toxic that I feel like sometimes we really do have to remove ourselves from those social spaces, you know, how do you feel like nowadays? How do you protect your mental peace when navigating these online spaces?

[Lucas Reyes]

The way that I protect myself and like, my peace is by surrounding myself around people that I feel comfortable around, surrounding myself around people that I feel like a sense of community with people that make me feel belonged. And it takes a certain type of person to make me feel like that. So I definitely do safeguard myself. I safeguard my peace and my energy. And I try not to make myself available to so many people because I realize with making yourself available to so many people comes with vulnerability. It comes with a lot of people trying to drain you of your energy, trying to bring you down. And I just. I just like to surround myself around people that I know are going to make me feel whole, that are going to uplift me, that I feel comfortable around, that I know that I can be myself around. And so. So that's one thing that I do try to do, to try to protect myself so that I don't end up in these situations. And I've also learned to communicate more and be more vocal and be more transparent about things that I'm dealing with and things that I'M going through and just finding like that person, that safeguarded person that I know is going to hear me, that I know is going to listen to me. And it just feels good knowing like the people that I have right now in my circle. I feel that if I were to ever end up in a situation like that ever again, I feel like I have the people now that I know are going to back me up in which they were like when that, when, when that whole situation happened, it made me so happy getting out of the hospital and seeing how many people were really defending my name, my close friends, they were like defending me. They were saying all this and I was like, oh my God. Like that really made me feel love and it made me feel like, well, I wish I would have told them them before I ended up in that mental state, cuz they had no idea. That's definitely like one thing that I try to do is just surround myself around people that make me feel whole, that make me feel at home and that's, that's the way that I protect myself.

[Alan Heist]

Any other polemicas, chees or anything that you've ever heard about yourself and you're like, what the hell?

[Lucas Reyes]

Well, well, well, where do we start? I feel like there's been so many like rumors. There's so many like, I feel like misperceptions on the Internet. People always have this and this and it's actually funny, every time I see somebody like come up with their own storyline and like they like stick with it and they run with it. It's like if only you knew. There was this one time back in 2021, I was pronounced dead on the Internet. Internet.

[Alan Heist]

Like legit dead. Like someone's like, he's dead.

[Lucas Reyes]

Like, yeah, like legit. The article. You know what the Shade Room is? The Shade Room and the tick tock room posted about my status. They said I was critical condition in the hospital. And then later on they posted that I, that I passed away. And so it had people creating edits of me creating sad audios. They did that one audio. The, the, that one? Yeah, yeah, they did that one song. They put the one Beyonce song. Heaven. Yeah. Wait, Heaven couldn't wait for you. Yeah.

[Alan Heist]

Wait, but did you. Were you actually going through it?

[Lucas Reyes]

So I was, I was in the hospital. No, I was in the hospital for weeks at this time. Me and these hospital visits. I stay in the hospital, but I was. Yeah, I was in hospital for a while. This, this was the time when I was 18. You were mentioning this was the last time that I was actually there. I was. Was. Yeah, I was in the hospital. I was going through it. I was in a really, really bad mental state. And it got all over the Internet. People were posting articles about me, and that's how I met, like, a lot of, like, the people that I know now, too, because a lot of people were like, messaging me that I didn't even know before. And, like, they were, like, reaching out for support. They're like, oh, I seen this video about you. I saw this. I hope it's not true. I hope the rumors weren't true. When I came back after, like, a month, everyone in my comments were like, omg, RIP Lucas. Omg. I hope, like, you rest in peace. And I just seen, like, they thought.

[Alan Heist]

It was, like, an old video that you were posting that they were commenting on or what?

[Lucas Reyes]

No, it was in my old videos because I had not posted at all.

[Alan Heist]

Oh, I get. I get it. So when you came back, all those.

[Lucas Reyes]

And I looked at my comments, all of those notifications. So every notification that I would see was like, oh, rest in peace, Lucas. I was getting mentioned in videos of people posting, like, sad edits about me saying, like, oh, he passed away, guys. This is why mental health is important, in which it is very important, you know? But it was just, like, to me, it felt. It almost made me feel like, did I pass away? Like. Like, am I the walking dead right now? Like, hold on.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah, let me make sure.

[Lucas Reyes]

Boom. Exactly. I'm like, hold on. Wait a minute. Like, the way that they were, like, explaining everything, it made me feel like, for a second, like, whoa. Like, damn.

[Alan Heist]

So when you went back online, like, to the people you had already passed away, you were already buried, type of.

[Lucas Reyes]

Yeah. So I was already. Make you feel I was already gone. It made me feel very, like, uncomfortable. It made me feel really, like. It was definitely like. Like a uneasy feeling. Because I remember my first time back at the gym. These two girls had came up to me, and they were like, oh, aren't you the dude that died? And I was like, what?

[Alan Heist]

You're like, no, I'm alive, literally.

[Lucas Reyes]

And I told this story time before, like, a while ago. I remember, like, they came up to me, and they were like, oh, aren't you the dude that died? Oh, we thought you died. Whatever. And they pulled up my picture, and they're like, oh, is this you? And it was the exact article of the Shade Room that posted it. And I was like, no way. That's crazy.

[Alan Heist]

Yeah, I've seen. Not just with, like, you know, obviously, you mentioned this, but I've seen it so much with other creators and I feel like it's so insensitive, sensitive, not just to the person they're posting about, but also to like the family members. Did you have family see that and reach out and be like, hey, what the hell's happening? Did you have like family reach out?

[Lucas Reyes]

Yes, definitely. I had like my cousins and then I had like my best friend. Not so much, more like my older family because they're not on social media like that. But I did have like some cousins that were like commenting back and they were reaching out to like my friends that were reposting the stuff. Stuff. Cuz I did have like influencer friends that were kind of like they were persuaded. Yeah, they were persuaded. They, they were led to believe that it was real. I had, you know, this friend at the time that was posting like sad content about me and she was like, oh my God, he was such a good friend. I miss him. I wish he was still here. And she was like showing all of our messages and combos or whatever. And it's very ironic though because like the messages and stuff she was showing where she was like, oh, like he was such a good friend. He was a best friend. Like you could see that I was the one always respond. I was the one always texting and she didn't respond. And the day before I was actually hospitalized, I had texted her. So she kind of posted that message. She kind of like made it seem.

[Alan Heist]

Like, oh, he was. I was the last person that talked to him.

[Lucas Reyes]

Yes. So she made it seem like I was the last person. And I think because she was a bigger creator too, I feel like that also made other people believe like, okay, something is really up with him. This is real. Because when she posted it, they knew that we were really close. So the moment she started posting all this content about me, about, oh, she, she posted this one like tick tock. And it was like, oh, I hate all men. But you know, and it was like, oh, when he loves me. And it was me. Yeah. And it was pictures of me and it was like a video of her crying and all this. And I was like, really? You know, I was like, home girl.

[Alan Heist]

You don't even reply to me.

[Lucas Reyes]

That's what I'm saying.

[Alan Heist]

I'm like, you didn't even stop monetizing off your dad.

[Lucas Reyes]

No, literally, I'm like, you didn't even reply to me. You didn't even say anything to me. And I like, you're somebody that I was like, I was always, always there for. And so I feel like her doing that definitely gave the Internet some type of, like, let's run with. Yes. Some type of confirmation in a way. And so I remember them reposting, like, her videos and saying, oh, my gosh, like, we need to pray for him. Let's pray for a good outcome. And there was people arguing in the comments. It was so funny to see because people were like, oh, is he dead? Is he not? Is he? Or like, you know, everyone was like, no, he's not. No, he's not. The news didn't post about it. It's only like the shade room and tick tock room. It's not on C. CNN or that's.

[Alan Heist]

When, you know, you guys know online. Because I feel like, you know, if I would have probably seen that since we don't text like that, I would have been like, oh, my God, RIP Lucas. You know what I mean? Because things like that sometimes do look so real, you know, Hablando de Esso. And just the toll that, you know, social media and just in general, you know, you are a big, you know, mental health advocate. What can you say to anyone watching today that Strug struggled with mental health?

[Lucas Reyes]

What I can say is everything will be okay. Take your time. Don't. Don't feel pressured into. Don't feel pressured into being somebody that you're not. Be yourself. Stay authentic, straight. Stay true to yourself and trust your gut instinct all the time. And know that it's okay not to be okay. It's okay to show emotions. And especially, like, as a guy as well, I feel like we're often overlooked. I feel, feel like there's stigmas where, you know, men can't cry or we can't have emotions. And it's okay to feel. It's okay if you're not in a right headspace right now. Just know, like, everything is going to be okay. Everything happens for a reason. And I know it sounds so cliche, but I feel like I'm a prime example of that. Everything happens for a reason. Who would have known that everything that I went through, that I would be here sitting today, being able to storytell and to share my experiences with other people. And I feel like that's, like, the beauty of it, that there is light at the end of that tunnel, that you are put in these situations for a reason, that God really does give his strongest battles to his toughest shoulders. And I feel like you have a purpose. You have a sense of purpose, whether you believe it or not. Everyone does. Even if you don't know what it is, I feel like you just need to sit with yourself, reflect with yourself, and just take it easy on yourself. Give yourself that pat on your back. Be your own best friend at times when other people aren't there for you. You have to be your number one support source system. Be nice to yourself, be kind to yourself, and just be kind to other people as well, because you never know what other people are going through and.

[Alan Heist]

Just know that there's a life beyond the trauma. There's a life beyond everything that you're currently going through that kind of seems like you'll never be able to, like, surpass the situation you're in. Se that everything does get better, time does heal, and just work on yourself, you know, show up for yourself and just continue, you know, telling yourself how great of a person you are despite everything you've gone through. I want to say I've loved this interview so much. Proximo cinco anios. Whether that is career wise or personal.

[Lucas Reyes]

In five years, I see myself definitely as a businessman. I see myself with five businesses. I see myself doing real estate, State. I. It's something that my mom does, so it's something I want to, like, carry on because she. She's. I don't know, I just. I feel very, like, inspired, you know, by my mom and my family and the way that I grew up. So I see myself, you know, having multiple businesses. I see myself pursuing my talent agency, growing and like, building a family with whoever. I don't know, whoever I find. I hope in the next five years that I could find somebody to build a family with and to have kids, because I do see myself with the family and kids within the next five years. And I see myself managing my businesses, working from home, being able to provide for my family, and just being able to give back to the world and.

[Alan Heist]

Living your dream if you continue, you know, working your ass off and showing off for yourself. I do want to take this moment, moment before we finish today's episode, to really say that I really do appreciate you sitting down here with me and opening up about a lot of things that maybe a lot of people are very scared to ever open up. And the fact that you're sitting here not just with me, but knowing that this is going to be, you know, broadcasted to so many people at home really shows, you know, your. Your courage. And I hope you guys watch at home can really take this and really see a different side of Lucas. And, you know, I'm really happy that you were here in the way that you did with us.

[Lucas Reyes]

Yes. And I'm very grateful for, for you giving me this opportunity. I, I feel like there, I feel like there's nobody else that I would have wanted to do it with. So I appreciate you for listening to me, for you guys listening to me. And I hope that anybody watching on the other side of the screen, I hope you know that you are loved, you are valued, and that if you're ever going through anything that it's okay to speak up and it's, it's okay to not be okay. But people do love you.

[Alan Heist]

And again, I appreciate the fact that you trusted me with your story, with your time. Lucas, on all his social medias, which I'll leave down below, as well as on the screen on all of mine. So you guys will miss any future episodes. And with that being said, thank you once again, thank you. And thank you guys so much for watching. And we'll see you guys in the next one. Bye, guys.

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