← Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Mama Lulu Talks All: Addiction, Teen Pregnancy, Miscarriage, Mom Content & MORE!
01:26:12
Loading summary
Transcript403 lines
- [00:00]
Alan I.
At Capella University, learning online doesn't mean learning alone. You'll get support from people who care about your success, like your enrollment counselor, who gets to know you and the goals you'd like to achieve. You'll also get a designated academic coach who's with you throughout your entire program. Plus, career coaches are available to help you navigate your professional goals. A different future is closer than you think with Capella University. Learn more at capella. Edu. Hi, welcome to ikea. This is my college campus, correct, But I see you're on ikea.com ordering some college items. My daughter's room is pretty bare.
- [00:39]
Mama Lulu
We need a lamp, some comfy pillows, her favorite stuffy dad with pickup options. We've got what you need to conveniently order Ikea literally anywhere. Sweet.
- [00:47]
Alan I.
More time for gaming and studying. Wait, where are you going now?
- [00:51]
Mama Lulu
Got to show the ultimate Frisbee team.
- [00:52]
Alan I.
How easy it is to order from Ikea. Get Ikea whenever, wherever, however you want. Choose from thousands of pickup locations, affordable delivery options, and more.
- [01:00]
Mama Lulu
She's like, but the baby like is not growing normal. It doesn't look like a normal 10 week old baby and she like looks like a miscarriage is about to start.
- [01:23]
Alan I.
What is up everyone? I'm your host, Alan I. And this is Noche de Pendejadas, your favorite part podcast turn talk show. So without any further ado, please help me welcome my guest tonight. Mama Lulu.
- [01:51]
Mama Lulu
Hello.
- [01:52]
Alan I.
Hello girly. How are you?
- [01:54]
Mama Lulu
How are you?
- [01:55]
Alan I.
I'm good actually. But I am so excited to have you here with us today. I know this has been a long time in the making and I know super nervous you're going to get those nerves off or shot in, but I feel like we're good. We're good. I feel like we're ready to talk a lot of cheesebam, you guys. You have a lot of things you want to talk about and I'm so excited for me to get to know you a little bit better and for everyone at home as well to get to know a little bit more of who is Lulu. Before we start with today's episode, I'm going to go ahead and give you the mic to tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do.
- [02:30]
Mama Lulu
My name is Lulu. Everyone knows me as Mama Lulu and I'm a 21 year old stay at home mom of three kids and I'm a wife and basically I just share my life as a young mother.
- [02:39]
Alan I.
I love that and I feel like a lot of your followers like love seeing your videos because you really do take them along with what it's like to be a stay at home mom. Tell us a little bit more about your day. I know you drove in from Phoenix.
- [02:56]
Mama Lulu
Yes.
- [02:56]
Alan I.
Yesterday. How was the road trip? What have you been up to? I saw you were at the beach this morning. Tell us everything you've been doing.
- [03:03]
Mama Lulu
Basically it was like a five hour road trip. We were originally going on a flight and I canceled it. I should have went on the flight, guys, but it was a good road trip. We went to the beach. We're gonna have like a little family vacay out of this.
- [03:14]
Alan I.
And yeah, it's gonna be a good time, you guys. We're gonna go straight into the cheeseman. We're gonna go into everything. I know you have a very inspiring story and I know a lot of you guys at home once you guys listen to it. So we're gonna go ahead and start off with your childhood because I feel important to talk about your childhood so they can get a better understanding of what you've been through and what's made you who you are today. Tell us a little bit more about your childhood. How was Lulu growing up?
- [03:45]
Mama Lulu
I'm originally from New York, but I was raised in Arizona, so I've been Arizona almost my entire life. And my parents did suffer from addiction, but I did have a pretty good childhood besides that, you know, I try not to make that like my whole childhood.
- [03:58]
Alan I.
How young were you when you came from New York?
- [04:00]
Mama Lulu
I think I was like a toddler.
- [04:01]
Alan I.
Okay, so you really don't remember your.
- [04:03]
Mama Lulu
New York from Arizona?
- [04:04]
Alan I.
Do you ever like, miss or want to go New York?
- [04:07]
Mama Lulu
No, you're like Arizona baddie. Okay.
- [04:10]
Alan I.
Have you been though to New York or no?
- [04:12]
Mama Lulu
Yeah, it's too much for me. Arizona is so like, calm. I feel like compared to like New York. It's such a busy city and I'm just like an az girly.
- [04:20]
Alan I.
Arizona for sure is more calm. I've been to Arizona a couple times and I feel like it is very calm but hot. How do you do it in the summer?
- [04:26]
Mama Lulu
I don't know. It's so hot. I don't even leave my house. That's why I'm a stay at home mom. I stay inside. It feels so good out here, though. It feels so, so good. I came out here, I'm like, yeah, I might move out here now.
- [04:37]
Alan I.
Do you want to, like, is that ever in, like, the plan?
- [04:39]
Mama Lulu
Low key? It might. It might be the plan, guys.
- [04:42]
Alan I.
You guys. Next month, you guys are going to see her. Next month. I want to talk a little bit more. You know, you mentioned that you grew up with your parents being addicted to drugs. Tell us a little bit more about that. What exactly were they addicted? And how was your home life growing up with parents that were addicted to drugs?
- [04:57]
Mama Lulu
Honestly, I feel like my dad, he was addicted first, and then my mom became addicted, like, later on. At first, it started off as just, like, painkillers. He started off being addicted to painkillers, and then he was addicted to, like, cocaine, and then it became meth, infinity, or. I don't know how to say it correctly. But at first it was just painkillers because he worked so much. He did construction, built houses, did electrician, ac, all of that. And then that's when he was like, oh, I'm in pain. Then he got addicted to painkillers because he started taking it after work, and then it became where he just wanted it, wanted it more. Me and him were actually so close. He would take me, like, to go on all his drug runs. I'll go on his drug runs with him. As a kid, I, like, thought we were, like, best, best friends. Whole time, he was just doing drugs and stuff. He would tell me, like, we're gonna go get a polar pop. And, like, we'll go get a polar pop at, like, the gas station, then we'll drive around all Phoenix. And then whole time, he was just, like, hopping his little pills.
- [05:48]
Alan I.
How was your relationship with your mom growing up?
- [05:50]
Mama Lulu
So I feel like when I was little, she was a really good mom. My mom was a really good mom. I just feel like she yelled a lot. I don't know. She was always angry, I feel like. But other than that, she was a good mom. She didn't start doing drugs until I was, like, 12, I think my dad was always doing drugs, though.
- [06:04]
Alan I.
Like, did you know that, though? Like, did you, like, know physically? Like, oh, my dad's on.
- [06:08]
Mama Lulu
I'll walk in. He'll be doing cocaine, like, in the bathroom. I'm like, what is that in. No. And I watched, like, a movie of, like, the cartel, and then they're like, sniffing cottage. I'm like, my dad does that. My dad sniffs that stuff, you know, like, all casually. He's like, my dad does that in the bathroom.
- [06:22]
Alan I.
Did you tell your friends? What would they think?
- [06:24]
Mama Lulu
They're like, your dad does cocaine? I'm like, yeah, he does feel like.
- [06:27]
Alan I.
Your dad does it, right?
- [06:28]
Mama Lulu
Like, isn't that normal?
- [06:29]
Alan I.
That was very much your normal life. Yeah, that was very much what you saw growing up. When and how did you realize, like, o is actually a problem that my parents are suffering with?
- [06:38]
Mama Lulu
So my dad, he, like, got addicted to spice. I think it's just, like, fake weed. And he got addicted to it, and then he had, like, a heart attack. And then I remember, like, he, like. My mom was like, you want to take all the spice out the house? He, like, bags of it. He took it all out and they threw it out or whatever. He, like, had a heart attack. I'm like, what is he, like, why'd he have a heart attack? My mom, she's like, he's addicted to drugs, all this stuff. And I realized he's taking me with him to get all these drugs. She didn't have no one to talk to. She moved from New York and had, like, no family, so she would just talk to me because I was like, we have an older brother, too, but he really was just, like, in his room 24 7. And when he got addicted to spice, I was like, yeah, something's definitely wrong. And then that's when I knew, like, something was wrong when I was a kid and then just started getting worse. Then he started doing meth. And then that's when, like, everything went downhill. When he started doing meth. Oh, like, what is going on? My parents are tweakers. They thought the house was tapped. Like, the FBI was watching us. They literally was like, they're the show of us in Canada where everyone's watching us. Like, all this stuff. I'll come home from school, the mirrors will be covered. We weren't allowed to, like, look at ourselves because they were tapped. We weren't allowed to charge our phones. He would tell me I had a twin sister in the attic. If I go in the garage and go talk to your twin sister, I'm like, what twin sister? And he'll be like, there's little people running around, like, all this, like, crazy. And I started getting paranoid as a kid, and they were making me paranoid. I was like, are they, like, real or, like, this fake? So then I would, like, start telling everyone. Then my friend came over, and then she came over, and then she was showing me music. She's like, let's listen to music. And my dad comes in and points a gun at her. I swear, he points a gun at him.
- [08:10]
Alan I.
What did you do in that moment?
- [08:11]
Mama Lulu
I don't know. I thought it was normal. I literally thought it was normal. I was staring at him. He like, you're getting into my daughter's head with this music. Like, he was tweaking. I was like, what the heck? And he, like, thought she was trying to get in my head, showing me normal music that I listen to. And she never came over again.
- [08:26]
Alan I.
Do you feel like you kind of lost a lot of friends growing up because of your parents?
- [08:30]
Mama Lulu
I remember at school, they would, like, pick me up and try to embarrass me. Like, tweaking, like, oh, my gosh, this is so embarrassing. Like, they'll get all. Get out the car to let me in the car. Like, why are you getting out the car?
- [08:39]
Alan I.
Like, your parents didn't make it known, like, to your friends?
- [08:42]
Mama Lulu
Yeah, everyone knew my parents were on meth. Everyone would talk about how my parents did drugs.
- [08:46]
Alan I.
How did that affect you in school? Obviously, you know, you're trying to live. I feel like sometimes in school, you know, as kids, especially kids that are suffering from very traumatic experiences at home, I feel like sometimes school can also be, like, a way to escape that. And obviously you couldn't escape that because everyone at school, you know, knew how did that affect you? And what did you live in school when it came down to, like, kids knowing that your parents were addicted?
- [09:10]
Mama Lulu
My friends were good friends, though. I would go to school, and honestly, my school was, like, my escape. I hated being home. I love being at school, which a lot of people don't. I love being at school, and I was just like, literally, every day I wake up like, yes, I can go to school today. I can go do this. And they really. I feel like my friends really didn't care. Like, sometimes they'll joke about it, but it wasn't nothing serious. Like, oh, my God, your mom does math. Your dad does this. You know what?
- [09:33]
Alan I.
Do you take the jokes, like, seriously, or will you be like, laugh it out too? Just.
- [09:37]
Mama Lulu
I always laugh out my trauma. I'm such like, oh, yeah, yeah.
- [09:40]
Alan I.
Like, yeah, my parents do it. Do you want me to bring something?
- [09:44]
Mama Lulu
You want me to bring you something?
- [09:45]
Alan I.
How did you feel like at home? Obviously, you know, I feel like there was a part of you that maybe didn't feel safe being around your parents, seeing all these drugs. What was home life like? Did you feel like you always felt on edge? You didn't know if your parents were gonna act out, get paranoid at any moment? What was that like for you?
- [10:02]
Mama Lulu
Honestly, it was scary. I was so quick to call 91 1, which is so bad. So my dad, he would, like, choke my mom and, like, hurt her, and then I would be like, grab my phone and, like, call him. I can't go fight my dad.
- [10:14]
Alan I.
Yeah.
- [10:14]
Mama Lulu
And, like, she'll, like, be in the air getting choked. And then I'm, like, watching my little sister, I'm like, I gotta call the cops. I gotta save my mom. And then he started knowing, like, I would call the cops on him so much. He would, y', all, I'm not a snitch, but I had to save my mom, okay? I had to save her. They would come, and then, like, he'll get away with it, and he'll come back home. And then another time he did it, he, like, smashed my head into the car because he's like, you're calling the cops on me? And I'm like, I'm trying to save my mom. You know? Like, he would always try to, like, kill my mom, literally.
- [10:39]
Alan I.
Did you ever have, like, any type of resentment with your dad growing up, or did you ever feel like, you know what? This isn't the dad that I felt like at one moment was my best friend. Like, the drugs transformed him.
- [10:50]
Mama Lulu
Yeah. Well, he also is diagnosed with, like, bipolar disorder, and I think. What is it? Schizophrenia. He's diagnosed with, like, a lot of mental disorders. I used to think he was such a good dad, a Such a good husband to my mom. And as I grew up, I was like, he's a piece of to her. He beats her. He does all this to her now, like, bro, I do not want to ever be with a man like him ever. So it was so normal for her to, like, get hit by him for them to do drugs? I was always saving her. I was always saving her. I was hiding my sister in the closet so she don't see it. I was just trying to save her all the time from him. That's when she started doing drugs. And out of nowhere, it was just, like, them both trying to kill each other at that point.
- [11:31]
Alan I.
Did you ever see them both physically do it? What was that like? And tell us.
- [11:36]
Mama Lulu
Yeah.
- [11:37]
Alan I.
Wait. Together, the same car?
- [11:38]
Mama Lulu
Yeah, they both lit on fire.
- [11:42]
Alan I.
I want to know more about that. Give us that. How did that happen?
- [11:45]
Mama Lulu
Okay. So they were, like, fighting or whatever, and they're both in their cars, and then he's mad that she's driving off, so he gets in her car to try to stop her. And then they slam. They, like, collide their cars together. And then they both. Both catch on fire in the front of our house, and all the neighbors come out. And then my dad's calling the neighbor a. He's like, oh, your house used to be a cunt. Like, they were psycho. They were on meth. I hate it there I was like, my parents are crazy. I need to leave. And I feel like that's why I grew up so, like, fast. You would say I just wanted to start my own family and get away from them, you know?
- [12:15]
Alan I.
You know, I feel like a lot of kids, especially that come from troubled homes always, a lot of the time, end up, you know, following those same paths. Growing up, did you have it clear in you that you were like, you know what? This is something I don't want for myself, or did they ever be like, mija, come over here. Like, you know, we're doing this because they were on something and they probably weren't, you know, 100 there. Did that ever happen with you?
- [12:36]
Mama Lulu
I feel like they just stopped parenting at a point. And I remember my mom, like, there was a time where me and her were arguing, and she flings the hot coffee at me. Like, she made, like, coffee, and she flinks it at me, like, at my face. It wasn't, like, hot hot, but it was hot, you know? And she flings at me, and then she turns around, grabs the pepper spray, and pepper sprays her own eyes. Like, crazy, right?
- [12:57]
Alan I.
Crazy for what?
- [12:58]
Mama Lulu
Just because she hurt me. So she wanted to hurt herself. Does that make sense? I don't know.
- [13:02]
Alan I.
Yeah, yeah, no, no, I do. I do. Kind of like a punishment for being.
- [13:05]
Mama Lulu
Yeah, me. And then she turns around and pepper sprays herself in the eyes. I was like, what the heck? It was crazy. Growing up, I feel like. I don't know, my life was literally a movie back then. Like, nothing sounds real, but me and my sister were talking about it, and then my husband's just like, yeah, that's crazy.
- [13:19]
Alan I.
You know, you were telling me the other day that at 12 years old, your dad took you to Target, and that Target run turned into a very tragic mom. You know, your dad was booked into jail for two years with a DUI with the minor and with child neglect. Tell us a little bit more about that moment. How did that happen? And, you know, what was your reaction to everything?
- [13:41]
Mama Lulu
Basically, my dad, he was like, get in the car. We're going on a Target run. I'm like, okay. And then he pops a bunch of pills before we leave. And I'm like, I'm a kid. I'm like, 12, you know? So then we drive to Target, and he parks by a random car. He parks by a car. And basically when he parks by the car, he, like, gets out, out, and he's like, oh, this is my friend's car. He said, I can Take his tires. I'm a little girl. I believe him. I'm like, okay, like, get his tires, you know? So he gets out and he grabs his tires, and, like, he's, like, in the middle, changing the tires, and he falls asleep in the driver's seat. I'm like, dad, wake up. Wake up. Because he took, like, a bunch of Zanny bars. I'm like, wake up. Wake up. He wouldn't wake up, and I'm, like, slapping him in the face. I'm like, wake up, dad. So I grabbed his phone because I didn't have a phone at the time, and I called my mom. I'm like, he's sleeping. He's changing tires. She's like, like, what do you mean he's changing the tires? I'm like, he got, like, his friend's tires, and she, like, he don't have a friend with a car at Target, you know? So he literally was stealing someone's tires. Yeah. And then I'll know where I see a light, Light, light, light, light all around. I'm looking around, and I don't know where. It's cops. And they keep saying, driver's seat, get out. But he's knocked out. They're like, get out of the driver's seat. Get out, get out, get out. And then he wouldn't get out because he sleeps. So I opened my door, and they're like, get back in the car. We didn't say passenger, get out. We said, driver, get out, out. And I'm like, I'm trying to get out to tell them, like, my dad's, you know. And I know there's, like, little lasers or whatever. And then they're like, oh, no, put it down. It's a kid. It's a kid. So then I get out, and then they come running at me. They're like, who's in the car with you? Do you know that man? Did he touch you? Did he rape you? I'm like, no, that's my dad.
- [15:11]
Alan I.
Like, what, were you confused?
- [15:13]
Mama Lulu
Yeah, I was so confused. Like, what's going on? He's getting tires from his friend, and he, like, he's stealing a. That was someone that worked at Target's car? Yeah. So the person that he was stealing the car, the tires from worked at.
- [15:25]
Alan I.
Target and called the cops?
- [15:26]
Mama Lulu
Yeah.
- [15:27]
Alan I.
Was it, like, in pure daylight?
- [15:29]
Mama Lulu
No, it was night. It was like.
- [15:30]
Alan I.
Okay, okay.
- [15:30]
Mama Lulu
At night.
- [15:31]
Alan I.
So someone probably saw something sketchy and.
- [15:33]
Mama Lulu
They called cops because he had, like. He had the car lifted and everything. He was like, he's all Pro at it.
- [15:38]
Alan I.
Yeah, he was determined. He's like, I'm getting new tires today.
- [15:42]
Mama Lulu
No, we drove on flat tires to Target too. So we drove there and then, like, like, they're like, who is that? You sure you know that, man? I'm like, yeah, that's my dad. And they kept asking if he raped me. I'm like, no, that's my dad. You know? And then they're like, what's wrong? What is he on? I'm like, oh, zany bars. And so much I knew he was on. I was like, he's on zenibars. And so much. I thought it was normal, you know? And they're like, he's on drugs. I was like, yeah, that's his medicine. Because that's what he would tell me. Like, it's my medicine. So then, like, he gets arrested. He, like, starts shaking on the floor like a seizure.
- [16:11]
Alan I.
How did he wake up?
- [16:12]
Mama Lulu
He didn't. They put him in the ambulance. When you hear Lululemon, you probably think of Align yoga pants. Weightlessly soft, like you're wearing next to nothing. That's why you see them in class, at the grocery store and in the park. But did you know about skirts with built in liner shorts so you can still jump for the Frisbee and tanks and bodysuits? With Align's iconic stretch, you won't want to take it off.
- [16:37]
Alan I.
And with endless style options, you don't.
- [16:39]
Mama Lulu
Have to shop in store or online@lululemon.com.
- [16:44]
Alan I.
4Th of July Savings are here at the Home Depot, so it's time to get your grilling on. Pick up The Traeger Pro Series 22 Pellet Grill and Smoker now on special buy for $389, was $5.49. Smoke a rack of ribs or bake an apple pie. This grill is versatile enough to do it all this summer. No matter how you like your steaks, your barbecues are guaranteed to be well done. Celebrate 4th of July with fast free delivery on select grills right now at the Home Depot.
- [17:12]
Mama Lulu
It's up to availability. Yeah, he, like, wasn't waking up. He's like shaking on the floor when they pull him out the car. And then they put him in the ambulance. And then my mom had to pick us up and then she picked me up. She's like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. You should have went with him. And then. Yeah, and then he didn't go to jail till like a year later, though, because it, like took time in court. Like, he was like fighting court cases. And then he ended up going to jail for like two years for, like, neglect and dui, I think. Yeah. And then he went to jail. And then my mom went crazy. She shaved her head bald. Like, her head was bald. She was going crazy. We didn't have power in her house for six months. Like, we were in the dark for, like six months. She was a stay at home mom. She refused to get a job. She was like, I'm not getting a job. Like, I'm a stay at home mom. She wouldn't pay the bills. We're just in the house waiting for my dad to get out of jail to pay the bills house.
- [18:05]
Alan I.
During that time, like, was your mom still on drugs? Yeah, she kind of.
- [18:08]
Mama Lulu
She was literally having sex with the meth plug to get free meth. And she would leave me and assist me and my sister in the dark. So we'll be at home in the dark. I can't charge my phone because ain't no power in the house. And she would literally go and sleep in the meth plug house. And then I would take baths with my sister in the dark. We were scared to take showers. I think we wouldn't even take shower. We'll take baths together because we were so scared of being in the bathroom in the dark, alone. Like, we didn't have power during that time.
- [18:36]
Alan I.
Did you ever, like, confined it in someone? What was going on at home? Like, maybe like a school teacher, a friend?
- [18:41]
Mama Lulu
I feel like that's when I was like, talking to this boy very young. I was like, I'm in love with him. We're gonna get married and have babies. I was very much the Lulu. I don't know. That was like my safe spot at the time. Even though he, like, obviously was not the one. But, yeah, I really didn't have friends at that time.
- [18:58]
Alan I.
How do you feel? You know, obviously going through that at 12 years old must have been a very traumatic, you know.
- [19:04]
Mama Lulu
Well, that was that. Like, when that happened, I was like 13.
- [19:07]
Alan I.
13. But that's still very young, you know, for someone that age to experience and see your dad in that way and seeing the cops pointing lasers at you, how do you feel? Like that moment, you know, traumatized you or affected you?
- [19:20]
Mama Lulu
I didn't know what was going on. I was like, my dad, he tells me, you know, this is his medicine. Like, this is normal. He'll take me on his drug runs and I'll be like. Be like, yeah, I'm hanging out with my dad. I thought it was very much normal, you know, and then While I talk to my friends about it, they'll be like, girl, are you living, like, shameless? You know how to show shameless? That's what my friends would always say. Like, your life is, like, shameless, you know? I don't know. I felt very much like I wish I had guidance in life. I feel like I wish I had guidance. I wish I had structure. I wish my parents were more like, parents, you know, like, show me something. Teach me something. I taught myself hygiene. I taught myself everything. I taught myself about menstrual cycles. Like, they didn't teach me not a thing. I taught myself everything. I feel like I raised myself at that point because they were just. They. They stopped parenting, literally.
- [20:05]
Alan I.
Would you go visit your dad in jail?
- [20:07]
Mama Lulu
No.
- [20:08]
Alan I.
Like, so you guys have.
- [20:09]
Mama Lulu
My mom wouldn't even let me talk to him.
- [20:10]
Alan I.
What was it like? You know, obviously, two years later, he comes out of jail. What was that relationship?
- [20:15]
Mama Lulu
It was really weird because he went in there very much skinny, on drugs, and then he came out with, like, a belly. I was like, who are you? And then he came out, and then he was like, like, I believe in God when he never believed in God, which was very strange. And he like, I'm gonna go get baptized. And he stopped doing drugs. He, like. He's like a whole different man. I was like, who is this guy? Like, you do drugs, you know, and he's like a whole new man. And then he came out with, like, some tattoos or whatever. And then he was very much changed. But my mom was very much the same because she was still, like, doing the same stuff. So I feel like they kind of switch roles, if that makes sense.
- [20:47]
Alan I.
Did they get back together?
- [20:49]
Mama Lulu
No. So my mom found out he cheated on her. She was driving me to school, and then basically, like, she stole his phone. And then she's going through his phone, she's driving, and then she's like, this motherfucker's cheating on me. And this one, I was freshman year of high school. We're driving, and then she's like, he's cheating on me. He's cheating on me. I'm like, what? Like, he's not cheating on you. You're Lulu. And then this is when I thought the car was tapped so we weren't allowed to talk in the car. She's like, shut up. Like, the FBI is listening to us. I'm like, what are you talking about? You know? So then I'm, like, going through the phone, and then there's, like, all these girls he's sleeping with. The neighbors. And, like, my mom was loyal, you.
- [21:22]
Alan I.
Know, as a little girl. And hearing that your parents, you know, aside from all the drugs, now you're hearing them having.
- [21:28]
Mama Lulu
Now they're going to get a divorce.
- [21:29]
Alan I.
A divorce. What was that like for you?
- [21:31]
Mama Lulu
I don't know. I didn't believe it. Like, my dad would never cheat. My dad loves my mom. Like, he would never do that to her, you know, even, like, when he hits her. Like, I thought he loved her so much, you know, that's when everything went downhill. When she found that out, it was, like, horrible. They weren't together, and then they started doing drugs hardcore. And it was so bad. I just remember I was like, what is going on then? And then everyone in my high school was talking about it, and I had no friends in high school. They thought, like, my family was crazy. I was like, oh, my gosh.
- [22:00]
Alan I.
After living a very traumatic life at 14 years old, you move out and you start kind of, you know, hopping from a friend to a friend. What made you or at what moment were you like, you know what? I've had enough. I am 14 years old. I am gonna run away or leave my house, and I'm not turning back. What was that like for you?
- [22:17]
Mama Lulu
So basically, my mom was, like, not gonna take me to school. She's like, I'm not taking to school because my school's, like, 30 minutes away. She's like, you need to either do, like, Primavera, which is, like, online school, or you're not going to school. And I was like, I want to go to school. Like, I want friends. I want to have a life. Like, I don't want to just stay home and, like, take care of your daughter. Take care of what's going on here, you know? So I met a friend, and then her grandma let me move in with them. I move in with them, and basically she enrolls me in. I start going to school over there. My dad. That's what. My dad was in jail, and I felt like I left my sister there because my sister is just now with my mom, and she's very young. So I was like, dang, Now I just left my sister all alone with my mom. But I wanted to do school. Like, I didn't want to be a nobody. You know, I wanted to continue doing high school, and my mom just wanted me to drop out so bad.
- [23:00]
Alan I.
Was that, like, a hard decision for you to take? Obviously, you know, you leave your sister and you're like, you know what? I want to look out for my sister. I want my Sister to be okay, but I also got to save myself, you know? Know, it's. It's a very tough decision, especially at 14 years old, to take. How do you feel like you were able to navigate that? And also, you know, what do you feel like were the hardest things that you had to go through now, living on your own?
- [23:22]
Mama Lulu
Well, I felt very much alone, I feel like. But it was so hard leaving my sister because she was so little, But I was like, I'm not her mom. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I need to do what I got to do for me. So I moved out. And then I feel like when it would be my birthday, I would just cry on my birthday. Like, when I turned 15, oh, I was like, I'm all alone. I have no mom. I have no dad. I don't talk to my little sister. I felt so lonely. I just remember, like, I felt like I had no one when I moved out. I was like, I'm so lonely. And then, like, me and the girl, we got in an argument, had a go live with someone else. And that's when I started house stopping. Like, who can I live with because I can't leave my mom? You know, it was so bad.
- [23:56]
Alan I.
Did you ever experience any, like, scary experiences during that time, like, living on your own?
- [24:01]
Mama Lulu
At. Sometimes I thought I was like, oh, my God, am I gonna be home with, like, is. Can I live with you? Can I stay here or not? Some parents will not be like, we can't just have her here this many days. She can only stay here for a couple nights. You know, like, not everyone just wants to let someone come into their home, you know?
- [24:15]
Alan I.
And I feel like, especially, you know, parents of your friends. They were maybe like, oh, my God, what if her parents show up? What if, like, CPS or the cops show up looking for us? We can get in trouble.
- [24:24]
Mama Lulu
Yeah, that's what someone said before. Like, we can get in trouble taking you in. I'm like, but, like, where am I supposed to go?
- [24:30]
Alan I.
You're like, girl, my parents don't care.
- [24:32]
Mama Lulu
No. I can literally walk out the door at, like, 10. At 3am they wouldn't care.
- [24:36]
Alan I.
Would your mom, like, after you moved out, you know, obviously you were doing your thing. Did she, like, try looking for you, or is it kind of like, okay, do your thing?
- [24:42]
Mama Lulu
She's like, go. I literally was like, I'm moving out. She's like, okay, have fun. She didn't care at all. I can be like, okay, I'm leaving. She'll be like, okay, Bye. Have fun. You know? You know you can come back. But, like, I didn't want to come back, you know? It was so toxic there. Like, there's holes all in my walls. Our house had roaches. It was so gross. I hated being there. I remember one time I was, like, in third grade. I think I was, like, fourth grade, third grade, and I put my backpack on the desk at school, and then a roach comes out in front of the whole class. I, like, I hit the road, and the roach goes flying. And then I'm like. And then the whole class is like, oh, my God, there's a rose. I'm like, ew, that's, like, disgusting. Who the roach is that?
- [25:20]
Alan I.
It's all yours. Y' all brought the whole roach colony?
- [25:24]
Mama Lulu
No.
- [25:25]
Alan I.
You all brought, like. You're like, hello. Oh, I brought my pets to class today.
- [25:29]
Mama Lulu
I know. I was so embarrassed, but, like, our house is so invested. As a kid, I hated being there. Like, not me bringing roaches to class.
- [25:37]
Alan I.
And blaming them on someone else.
- [25:39]
Mama Lulu
Yeah, I would have been. Ew. Who brought a roach?
- [25:41]
Alan I.
Like, ew, that's disgusting. Who doesn't clean their house?
- [25:45]
Mama Lulu
No, literally, it's from me.
- [25:47]
Alan I.
Guys, I'm like, if you're watching this, my old classmates. It was I.
- [25:50]
Mama Lulu
You're like, oh, I knew it was her.
- [25:52]
Alan I.
I knew. I saw it coming out of her bag. She was just trying so hard to hide it. Ah. You know, how's your relationship with your parents? Parents. Now, obviously, you know, you're older now. You've matured. How would you describe your relationship with them? If it's gotten better, what was that turning point for you? And also, you know, how do you navigate closure and resentment, especially, you know, after everything that they put you through?
- [26:14]
Mama Lulu
Well, I feel like no matter what, I would always love, like, my mom and dad. No matter, like, they put me through a lot, but I still always love my parents, you know? But I feel like it just shaped me to be a better mom. Like, I would not go near drugs. I only drink on occasions. I don't smoke. Joke. I'm like, I don't want that near me. You know, I don't want to be with that. So I don't really talk to them that much. Like, occasionally my mama texts me on Snapchat. I'll text her back. But, like, they don't come see my kids, really. They only met my kids, like, my mom and my son, like, once my dad, I don't really talk to him.
- [26:47]
Alan I.
Is your mom still on drugs or. No?
- [26:49]
Mama Lulu
No, they're both not on drugs no more. My dad, he's on medication for his, like, mental, and it makes him like, normal. So now he's a lot more normal. But he's like a zombie now because, like, the medication makes him numb, I feel like. But he is normal now. My mom's also normal now, but she's like, she's not normal. I lied. She's not normal. She's more like schizophrenia.
- [27:12]
Alan I.
Like panicking. Yeah. Schizophrenic.
- [27:13]
Mama Lulu
She talks to herself out loud. She draws on everything. And she's very much like in her head. Like, you can't talk to her like she's in her head. I really don't like her coming around the kids because she'll talk about, like, sex. She'll talk about like anything in front of my low kids. I'm like, please go away. Like, you know.
- [27:28]
Alan I.
Do your kids ever ask for them?
- [27:30]
Mama Lulu
No.
- [27:31]
Alan I.
Oh, so they're not part of their life at all. They're probably like strangers to them.
- [27:34]
Mama Lulu
Yeah. Like they don't. They like, when they come, they're just like, ah, you know. But like, not like mom, grandma, grandpa, or that's what they're called.
- [27:42]
Alan I.
Yeah. Is that what they are? I don't know. You're like, they weren't even parents to me. No. I think that's crazy. Crazy. But it's also good for you that you've taken this bad experience and, you know, have decided that you were. Because I always like to say I am a big believer in, you know, you can have a bad childhood, but it's up to you whether you want to continue that cycle or if you don't want or break it, you know, and obviously you've chosen to break it. You've known since very little that's not the life and the path you wanted for yourself. And as a mother, you know, obviously you've decided to do things different. What are things as a mother that you, you know, prioritize to give your k that you feel like you didn't have from your parents?
- [28:22]
Mama Lulu
I feel like I would never go near drugs, for one. I would never, ever go near drugs. I feel like I just want to be with my husband forever. I just. I don't like arguing for my kids either. That's one thing me and my husband don't do. If we have a disagreement, we're going to go in the other room and we're going to talk. We're not going to yell in front of the kids, like, let's go in the other room and talk. Like adults. You know what I'm saying? I hate arguing in front of my kids because they'll be like, stop. No, no. You know, I don't like doing that because I just. And I see me as a kid, I'm like, oh, my gosh, mom, stop, dad, stop. And it scares me. Like, triggers, like, the little version of me. So I do not like arguing in front of my kids. I just want to be, I don't know, the best mom I can be.
- [29:00]
Alan I.
You know, what is something that you wish younger you could have heard? Or what's a piece of advice, you know, you can give to anyone watching, whether they're a kid, an adult that has gone or is going through some. Something similar with parents that are struggling with addiction.
- [29:13]
Mama Lulu
I feel like it always gets better, no matter how bad it seems. I always just tell myself someone has a worse life. Like, there's kids out there getting sex trafficked. There's kids out there getting taken from their families. And I always just tell myself, no matter how bad, like, my life was, like, it gets better. Like, I feel like now I have such a great life. I have my husband. I have my kids. You know, I do social media. There's like, my life got so good. No matter how bad it was, it got that so much better. So just keep going, you know, don't let it push you down. Don't let it do something bad. Like, I know some people be trying to, like, harm themselves and just keep going no matter what.
- [29:50]
Alan I.
I love that because, you know, like I mentioned earlier, I'm very big on as kids, whether you're going through something. It's so easy to, like, fall into that cycle. But it's so good when you decided, like, when you recognize the bad and you recognize, like, okay, this was my life. This is what I lived. This is my truth. But that's not what I want for my future. You know what I mean? And I'm happy that you were able to see that and not want to carry on with that. You know, I want to talk a little bit about love.
- [30:19]
Mama Lulu
Okay.
- [30:20]
Alan I.
You know, at 16 years old, you meet your husband, which is the father of your three kids. Tell us more about that. How did you guys meet each other? Who made the first move? How did you guys make it official?
- [30:32]
Mama Lulu
So basically, I went to my first party ever. This was like, when I was in my YOLO phase, I was like. Like, I don't care what I'm doing. Like, someone could tell me to jump off a bridge. I would probably do it. So I went to my first party. And then he was just standing there, and he was new to Arizona. He just moved to Arizona. And basically one of his co workers just invited him to go to the party because he knew nobody. And I was like, who is that? Like, mysterious man? And I made the first move. I went over there. I was like, oh. Like, what's your name? And then he got my Snapchat. And that's kind of how we started talking. So he would text me all the time on Snapchat. That. And then that's when we started talking. We'll FaceTime and sleep on the phone. And he lived an hour away because I lived in, like, surprise at the time. He lived in, like, Chandler, which was, like, a whole hour away from each other. And he was like, just come live with me. I was like, huh? Yeah.
- [31:21]
Alan I.
Like, perfect. My guardian angel. Yeah.
- [31:25]
Mama Lulu
Yeah. So you're like, just come look. Because he was picking me up every weekend, and I was there his house the whole week. So he's like, why don't you just come live with me? Me? I was like, are you sure? Like, because I will. I'm just kidding. But then he, like, let me move in, and it was, like, very much weird. I never lived with a boy, so that first I lowkey wanted to leave. I was like, wait, this is awkward. I remember one time I got high, and then we're, like, hanging out, and I was like, what the am I doing here? Like, why am I living with this man I barely know? And then I was like, okay, maybe it's because I'm just high. So then, like, I just kept living with him. And then we were, like, really good. Like, we were like, like, you know, and then I ended up finding out we went to, like, a penthouse party. We went to a Halloween party. And then after that Halloween party, we basically found out I was pregnant. And we were, like, only dating for, like, four or five months.
- [32:12]
Alan I.
But how did that happen? How did you guys find out?
- [32:14]
Mama Lulu
So I was, like, throwing up the next morning. I was like, probably from a hangover. And then I, like, looked at my app. I was like, wait, I haven't had a period in a month. And I was like, wait, what? You know, so then I took a test, and then I'm like, in the bathroom, and I'm like, this message is sponsored by Greenlight.
- [32:31]
Alan I.
With school out, summer is the perfect.
- [32:32]
Mama Lulu
Time to teach our kids real world.
- [32:34]
Alan I.
Money skills they'll use forever. Greenlight is a debit card and the number one family finance and safety app used by millions of families helping kids learn how to save, invest and spend wisely.
- [32:43]
Mama Lulu
Parents can send their kids money and track their spending and saving while kids.
- [32:47]
Alan I.
Build money, confidence and skills in fun ways. Start your risk free greenlight trial today@greenlight.com Spotify.
- [32:54]
Mama Lulu
That's greenlight.com Spotify.
- [32:58]
Alan I.
You know that one friend who somehow.
- [33:00]
Mama Lulu
Knows everything about money? Yeah. Now imagine they live in your phone.
- [33:05]
Alan I.
Say hey to Experian, your big financial friend.
- [33:08]
Mama Lulu
It's the app that helps you check your FICO score, find ways to save.
- [33:11]
Alan I.
And basically feel like a financial genius.
- [33:14]
Mama Lulu
And guess what? It's totally free.
- [33:16]
Alan I.
So go on, download the Experian app. Trust me, having a bff, like, this is a total game changer.
- [33:25]
Mama Lulu
I look at it and I was like, it said positive. And I was like, oh, heck no. So I sat in there for an hour crying. I didn't even want to go tell him. I was like, oh my God, I'm pregnant at 17.
- [33:33]
Alan I.
What was going on in your head?
- [33:34]
Mama Lulu
Oh, my God. I was like freaking out. Like, am I supposed to go call my mom, my dad? Like I have no, you know, saying like, she's a one. I was like panicking. It was so scary. I'm a little girl, you know. So then I basically, I call my sister first. I tell her and she's like, oh my God. Yay, you're pregnant.
- [33:51]
Alan I.
I'm an aunt. Yeah.
- [33:52]
Mama Lulu
Yeah, she's all hyped. She's happy. She's like in class in like sixth grade or something. Seventh grade. And then I call my mom and she's like, you better abort that baby. Like, you need to kill that baby. Like, you barely been with this man. Like, you need to abort that baby. And I was like, you know what? Block? And I blocked her because how are you gonna tell me? I didn't know what I wanted, you know, But I didn't want people to put like inputs on me, you know. So then I like, tell him, he's like, it's up to you. Like, if you want to keep this baby, we can keep this baby. Like, I'm gonna support you. And I was like, okay. You know, so then I like really thought about it. I like, was like, I never really felt like I could ever do an abortion. Like, I can't do it, you know, Like, I don't care what other people do. But me personally, I just can't have an abortion. I'm too sensitive, you know, I'm a cancer. So I was like, I ended up going along with the pregnancy and Then that's when everything was going down. I thought he was, like, this dream boy. Like, oh, he loves me. I live with him. I'm pregnant. Like, I think I'm about to have, like, my dream life, you know? And now I just find out, like. Like, he's just doing all this stuff. I was like, oh, my gosh.
- [34:54]
Alan I.
What was he doing? If you don't mind.
- [34:56]
Mama Lulu
He never physically cheated on me, but I just found out he had, like, secret accounts I did not know about. I was like, what are the. I like, okay, so one time he was at work, right? I'm at home, and his tablet is going off. I'm like, okay, I've never been through his tablet, and they're, like, calling my name. I pick up the tablet and I'm, like, going through it. I'm like, what the is this? I started tripping. I'm, like, seven months pregnant, and I'm like, there's a Snapchat account I don't know about, a Twitter account, an Instagram account, all these accounts. And I'm like, what the fuck did I get into?
- [35:26]
Alan I.
Yeah. Yeah.
- [35:27]
Mama Lulu
I was like, my little good boy is not a good boy. But it was so bad, you know?
- [35:32]
Alan I.
How did you confirm about it?
- [35:33]
Mama Lulu
I went crazy. I'm not gonna lie. Y' all say Huda is crazy on Love Island. I went crazy. So I'm going through his iPad, and then I'm going through it, and he literally has all these people like, oh, my gosh. God. Like, this man cheating on me. And I'm, like, scared because I'm pregnant. Like, you know, I'm like, I'm pregnant with this man's baby. And then basically, he comes home from the smoke shop, and he's with his friend. I run downstairs, I'm banging on the freaking car window. He's like, what the is wrong with her? Like, what happened? You know?
- [36:01]
Alan I.
He was clueless. Yeah, yeah.
- [36:02]
Mama Lulu
He didn't know. I found out. And I was like, I went through your iPad. I know everything. I had, like, screenshots, everything. I logged in all his accounts on my phone. Phone. I had everything logged in my phone, too. And then, like, I found out he, like, secret Gmail. Y' all need to check your man's Gmail. Everything. Like, anyways. And then he, like, starts. So he, like, rolls up his window and drives off with his friend. I'm like, okay, bet. So I go in his house, and I'm, like, logging through everything. I'm like, I have his secret Gmails. I have everything. I'm Texting these girls, like, he has a pregnant girlfriend. All this stuff. And they're, like, answering. I'm, like, texting all of them. They're, like, sending me, like, pictures, all this information. I'm like, oh, heck, no. You know? And it was so messy. I was so loyal to this man, and I had a job. I was giving him, like, almost all my money. I was like, you know, I'm a help.
- [36:46]
Alan I.
And you were pregnant.
- [36:47]
Mama Lulu
Yeah, I was working. I was like, you have my check because, like, I live with you. You know, I want to help out. So I was, like, giving him money, and I'm like, what the. And you're cheating on me? Like, are you giving these my money? Like, you know what I'm saying? So I started getting so mad. And then basically, he was like, I didn't know. Like, I'm young. I'm dumb. Like, I found out you're pregnant. I'm, like, going through it. Basically, he was making up all of these excuses of why, like, these girls are in his phone. At first, he was telling me it was his friend. Like, oh, these girls are from him. I'm like, no, they're not. So then I start chasing his friend. I'm like, you're gonna tell me. He's like, I don't know anything of it. But I was like, you did not bring me in this house, get me pregnant, to text these girls. They're, like, in Canada, too.
- [37:27]
Alan I.
And it wasn't like, one.
- [37:29]
Mama Lulu
No. It was, like, 20, and they're from different countries and stuff. I was like, who are these girls? And then he, like, was meeting them on Twitter and all these things. Things. It was very much weird. I don't want to say too much, but it was very much an addiction. Let's just say that after I found out, that's when he stopped. I made him log into my. Don't ever do this, y'. All. If you have to babysit a man, he ain't your man. I. I know now, but I was a kid, okay? So I. I, like, logged him in on my icloud. I was getting all his messages. I was getting all his information. I was, like, stalking him 24 7. Like, if I find one other girl, he's done, you know? And I was so scared, like, he was gonna text another girl. But then I feel like we've grown from it so much, y'. All. Like, he never physically cheated. One thing I'll say, if he physically cheats, you're done. Out the door. I can never. Okay. I can never. Okay. I couldn't even imagine being with a man after you've been in another woman, you know, I can't. He never done that. But after I gave birth to our daughter, he was a changed man. He was like, I want to put a ring on your finger. I'm in love with you. I'm like, oh, yeah, you are. Now you are like. And then he like turned into this whole new man. He was like, became a dad. He's such a good dad. But like it. We've grown him from it so much and he became such a good dad and such a good husband. But at first it was very much toxic.
- [38:44]
Alan I.
But I do feel like it's very much, you know, that era. I feel like you were very young. He was very young. I feel like you do stupid. And I feel like it takes those moments, you know, maybe you catching them made him realize like, oh, everything I'm doing, leave him. You know what I mean? Like, I can lose my girl, my family over something stupid. Especially if these weren't not. But especially if these girls were. Yeah. Cuz they. Wait, did. They knew. Some of them knew, like reply. They're like, oh, I know about you.
- [39:11]
Mama Lulu
One of them was my friend. Yeah, I'm going through the messages and it's a girl I used to party with.
- [39:17]
Alan I.
And he texting them.
- [39:18]
Mama Lulu
He was like, hey, boo or something. And then she like, hey, I thought you're still with so and so. And he's like, I am, but what does that have to do with us texting? And then they were texting, right? So I call this girl, can I have her number too? I call her up, I'm like, where are you at? Let's meet up right now. You want to text my man? She's like, aren't you pregnant? I was like, I don't care, I'm.
- [39:40]
Alan I.
Fighting you and I'll still beat you up. Yeah.
- [39:42]
Mama Lulu
No, I was so mad. I was like, she was a hoe too. She was. Oh wait, that's so bad.
- [39:48]
Alan I.
She was.
- [39:48]
Mama Lulu
No, she was, she was. Everyone.
- [39:49]
Alan I.
How was it? You know, obviously you tell us a little bit that your guys's relationship change wouldn't do you feel like, you know, obviously this moment was a very turning point in your guys's relationship. But how would you describe your guys's relationship? Like, in terms of like healthy? Like, what do you feel like now? There's things that you're like, wow, I really do love the fact that we've grown. And he's like this and I'm like that. How Would you describe like your healthy era?
- [40:13]
Mama Lulu
I feel like now, ever since we had kids, we both grew so much. We're such a mom and dad. And I like, he has dad jokes for days. I have mom, mom jokes. But he don't even have social media no more. And I know people are gonna be like, he probably has to do social media. He don't. He goes to work, he comes straight home. He don't go anywhere. When I was pregnant, he was out to like 9am till the next day. He was never coming home. I would cry myself to sleep every night. When I was pregnant, I was always alone. And now he don't have any friends. He don't go anywhere. He's like right by my side sometimes. I'm like, can you please make a friend?
- [40:44]
Alan I.
You're like, go now, please. I need some, some space.
- [40:47]
Mama Lulu
No, literally, because he'd be like all up on me now. I'm like, come, I need my space now.
- [40:52]
Alan I.
I need to leave. You're like, you know, tell us a little bit more about your pregnancy overall. You know, we were talking about you get pregnant the day after the Halloween party or the day of the Halloween party.
- [41:02]
Mama Lulu
I found out the day after. After.
- [41:04]
Alan I.
Okay, so you find out the day after. How do you describe your pregnancy? Do you feel like you had a smooth pregnancy? Did you have any complications? And how did becoming a first time moment changed your perspective on life and just your life in general?
- [41:16]
Mama Lulu
So I feel like my pregnancy, I was always just alone and crying. It was very much a sad pregnancy. But after I gave birth, it was like amazing. I was like, I look at this little baby, I loved her. And then that's when my man became like a man finally. And then it was so good. I love being a mom. I remember I was working two jobs. I was working Walmart in the day and then Albertsons at night. I felt so sad because I was leaving her at home. Like, I want my baby. And then he let me become a stay at home mom with our second daughter. But I love being a mom. I feel like, because I didn't really have a mom, I just love being that mom figure. I'm such a mom. Everyone I hang out around, they're like, girl, like, hang out with us. You're being a mom right now. I'm like, I'm sorry.
- [41:56]
Alan I.
Do you feel like you're almost healing your inner child being a mom?
- [41:59]
Mama Lulu
Yes, I do. I feel like every time I'm with my girls especially I like, do their hair. My, like, my mom never done this or like, do something with them. I'm like, I wish my mom did this with me.
- [42:08]
Alan I.
You know, I am a big believer in that because I was actually having a conversation with one of my friends not too long ago. I want to say like maybe two weeks. But she was kind of telling me about, you know, her relationship with her mom, how she feels like her mom, you know, prefers her sister, how she feels like she's kind of like looked down on or how she feels like her mom doesn't love her. And one of the advice of I gave my friend, I was like, look, friend, I get it. We're always seeking for people to love us. We're always seeking for our parents approval. But now you as a mom, she's a mom too. I was like, you as a mom like that, if you already know that your mom's not going to change, if you already know you're not going to get that love you're searching for now, as a mom, you can heal that inner child by giving that to your kids and, and never making them feel the way that your parents made you feel. And if I feel like maybe you went through that too, where you're like, wow, like I had a shitty ass childhood.
- [43:00]
Mama Lulu
Yeah.
- [43:00]
Alan I.
But I'm gonna make sure that my kids don't have to go through anything that I went through.
- [43:05]
Mama Lulu
Yes. I feel like when I became a mom, sometimes I'll catch myself yelling and they remind me of my mom. I'm like, oh, wait, trigger. Like, I do not want to be like her. Calm down, breathe. You know, because she would always be screaming and yelling. I just want to be like, very much like, calm.
- [43:21]
Alan I.
I need peace. I love that though. I feel like sometimes, sometimes I feel like, you know what? Like I feel like the best reward in life. And I feel like just the best thing you can do for yourself or the best thing you can obtain in life is peace, you know? I want to talk about your second pregnancy. You give birth to your first shortly after you become pregnant again. Tell us a little bit more about your second pregnancy. How did you find out? How did you react? You know, how was the pregnancy overall? Did you struggle? Did you have complications? Tell us all about it.
- [43:51]
Mama Lulu
So basically one day my man was like, you should take a pregnancy test. I was like, huh? He's like, you're pregnant. And he like, kept telling me I was pregnant. I was like, what are you talking?
- [43:59]
Alan I.
Did you have symptoms or no?
- [44:00]
Mama Lulu
No. I'm like, he, I just have a feeling you're pregnant. So like I went to the dollar Store grabbed, like, the little dollar test. I took a pregnancy test. And I'm like, with my little daughter, she's like one. She's, like, curling still. And I was like, okay, she's sitting there. I'm like, it's positive, you know? And then my man, he was so happy, and I was like, kind of not. I was like, wait, I gotta be preg. You know?
- [44:21]
Alan I.
You're like, I just gave birth. Well, your daughter was very young, too. Yeah.
- [44:25]
Mama Lulu
Yeah. So I was like, wait. You know? But my last pregnancy, when I gave birth, it was very smooth. Like, my water broke. I gave birth. I went from a 3 to a 10 and gave birth with no epidural. Like, it was painful, but it was like a good little pregnancy, you know, like the birth experience, you know?
- [44:40]
Alan I.
Yeah.
- [44:40]
Mama Lulu
So then with her, when I gave birth to my second daughter, my man was happy. I started to become happy, like, after I realized, okay, I am pregnant, you know, like, now we're really bad at family. Like, it's gonna be two little kids. It's gonna be.
- [44:53]
Alan I.
Yeah.
- [44:54]
Mama Lulu
When I gave birth, it was like, oh, my gosh. I gave birth, and out of nowhere, I hemorrhaged. And like, the doctor was literally. I don't know if you know what they do when you hemorrhage.
- [45:04]
Alan I.
Wait, what is that? First of all, for me and for those of you guys that don't know, explain what that is and what you were feeling.
- [45:09]
Mama Lulu
So basically, I gave birth. I was on epidural, so I really didn't feel me pushing. Like, I gave birth. Birth, and then I hemorrhage. And that means, like, you just won't stop bleeding. Like, all the blood is just dripping.
- [45:20]
Alan I.
Off of the table, like, non stop.
- [45:22]
Mama Lulu
Yeah. Like, where you can just die. Like, all the blood was, like, literally dripping on the floor.
- [45:26]
Alan I.
And what doctors do in that moment.
- [45:28]
Mama Lulu
Oh, my gosh. This is, like, so embarrassing to say, but they literally have to, like.
- [45:33]
Alan I.
Like the party.
- [45:34]
Mama Lulu
Yeah. They, like, punch you a bunch of times.
- [45:39]
Alan I.
Did you feel that or.
- [45:40]
Mama Lulu
I was hoping for people. I was bruised everywhere. And then she was like, punching me and punching me and punching me. I was like, what is going on? I'm crying and now nowhere. Like, all the nurses come running in. They're, like, shooting me with needles and shots. I'm crying. There's blood everywhere. My man, he had to leave the room with the baby. Well, not with the baby. The baby, I think, was like, on the little bed thing. And then he had to leave because he, like, is, like, really bad with blood. He'll pass out, so he had to leave. And then I'm just. Or I think he was, like, sitting in the corner or something. But basically they're all shaming me with shot, and I pass out, and I wake up a couple hours later, and then I wake up with a balloon in my uterus. So they put a balloon inside of me filled with water or something to stop the bleeding. And then I had to get, like, three to four or five bags of blood, and I couldn't hold my baby. They put me on, like, all these drugs. I was, like, drugged out. I, like, couldn't hold her for hours.
- [46:29]
Alan I.
Could have been, like, a possibility of you passing away.
- [46:31]
Mama Lulu
Yeah, they said if the blood wouldn't stop. Stop in time, then I would have passed away. Yeah. So it was really scary. I was like, oh, my God, I'm so happy. Like, they made it stop, though, you know?
- [46:41]
Alan I.
How was the recovery for that?
- [46:42]
Mama Lulu
Yeah. So basically, I had to stay in the hospital for, like, four to five days with the. Like, I had the balloon in my uterus for 24 hours.
- [46:48]
Alan I.
And you would physically feel the balloon?
- [46:50]
Mama Lulu
Yeah, it was, like, heavy. So, yeah, you feel it in you is very much heavy. Filled with water, and it's like you can't move or anything. You know how to keep, like, the pee catheter in because you can't get up and pee. It was very much painful. They were giving me Percocet sets for the pain. And you don't really even get Percocets for C sections. Yeah, so they were giving me Percocets. I was in there for a while, and then when I went home, I literally couldn't bend or do anything. I was in so much pain. But, like, I don't know. It was so traumatic. I was so scared again. Then when I got pregnant again, I was. I thought I was gonna die. I was like, should I just get an abortion this time?
- [47:23]
Alan I.
Like, should this have been it for.
- [47:25]
Mama Lulu
I was like, oh, my gosh, I might die giving birth to this new baby.
- [47:27]
Alan I.
How's your third pregnancy? Do you feel like you had had any complications or was it smooth or were you on edge the whole time?
- [47:33]
Mama Lulu
So with my girls, I threw up every day. And then with him, I didn't throw up at all. I don't know if it's because it's a boy. I only have one boy, but with my son, I didn't throw up at all. It was a really good pregnancy. I felt like I wasn't even pregnant. Like, he was just in there chilling the Whole time. And then I had to give birth and then I did hemorrhage again. But it wasn't as bad because they were like, I told them I hemorrhage like last time. So they had everything in the room waiting for me.
- [47:55]
Alan I.
They were prepared.
- [47:56]
Mama Lulu
Yeah. So like I hemorrhage and they're like, they hurry up giving the balloon, they hurry up, give me the shots, everything. But because like last time they had to go grab everything. I'm over here just like bleeding out.
- [48:04]
Alan I.
You could have died when you were.
- [48:05]
Mama Lulu
Going to go get something forever to get it. They were like very much slow. I had like new nurses in the room. I'm like, oh, yeah, don't ever give me a new nurse again.
- [48:12]
Alan I.
Postpartum depression is something that is very common but isn't talked about enough, you know? Did you. Do you feel like you struggled with any postpartum depression with any of your three pregnancies?
- [48:22]
Mama Lulu
I feel like my first pregnancy.
- [48:24]
Alan I.
In what way?
- [48:24]
Mama Lulu
I just feel like was always much. I felt ugly, I felt sad. I felt like I didn't even know who I was anymore. Cuz I went from being a teenager to being a mom. And now, like, look at myself. I'm like, oh my gosh. I look at my body, I'm like, oh my God. There's so many changes. And I just like, you know, you can't leave the house anymore. Like I left. I used to leave the house whenever I want it. I used to do so many things whenever I wanted. Yeah. No more freedom. Especially now that I have three kids. You know, you're like, this is your freedom, baby.
- [48:53]
Alan I.
This is her vacation.
- [48:55]
Mama Lulu
No, for real. But it was just very much hard going from like a teen, I was seventeen, to a mom. So it was like, it was hard, you know, I was like adjusting. Like, I loved being a mom, but it was like I never even had a mom teach me how to be a mom. So I was like, I have to figure all this out alone. Then I was still at that time worrying if my man was texting other girls, you know, even though he wasn't. After I gave birth, it was so hard.
- [49:17]
Alan I.
It's like that mind.
- [49:19]
Mama Lulu
Oh, like my baby's sleeping. I should be sleeping. I'm over here checking, checking his phone every night. I'm like, girl, just like, chill.
- [49:25]
Alan I.
Yeah, yeah.
- [49:26]
Mama Lulu
It was like, I don't know, I was so stressed about him cheating again. And I feel like that just took a very much big toll on me. And then my postpartum depression. Yeah.
- [49:35]
Alan I.
Did you have anyone you know, at that time that you were able to be like, hey, I'm going through this, I'm feeling this way. You know, I don't even like how I look. I feel this way. Did you have anyone to support you during that time?
- [49:47]
Mama Lulu
I had no friends. Friends. I had literally no friends. The only person I'll talk to is like no one. No one. I wouldn't talk to no one at all. That's what made me start doing social media. I had no friends. I'm gonna make some friends. Okay. I had no friends at all.
- [50:00]
Alan I.
You know, now that you're a mom of three, how is life being a mom of three now and how important is it for you now as a mom of three to create a safe space for all your babies?
- [50:11]
Mama Lulu
I feel like it's light work now. I'm such a mom now. I got like all three. Everyone thinks like, like they'll comment my social, oh my God, 21 with three kids, that's crazy. But I'm like over here being a better mom than a 30 year old mom. Yeah, like age don't, I mean it does, don't have kids young, y'. All. But what I'm saying is like there's moms out there older than me and I'm a better mom.
- [50:30]
Alan I.
Yeah.
- [50:31]
Mama Lulu
I have my kids and like, I don't know, I feel like it's not hard for me. A lot of people like three kids is a lot. It's so hard. But for me I like, I got it in the bag.
- [50:39]
Alan I.
What's your day like? You know, as a mom of three, you know, you wake up, do breakfast. What is a typical day look like for you?
- [50:45]
Mama Lulu
So basically I wake up, I change diapers right away. I wake up, I change my kids diapers, I make a bottle and that's the first thing I have to do. I have to change diapers immediately. And then that's when wake up, do our teeth and stuff and then I'll make breakfast and I usually would just chill for a little bit cuz my kids are very much chill. Like they just want to lay down in the morning and I'll post that and people be like, wow, you're letting them watch TV at 8am? Yes, I am. I'm sorry. Like, you know, so I'll let them watch TV or whatever and then usually they just play all day and then we'll do some like learning. I always put on learning videos. And then my baby, he's very much chill. I'm trying to teach him how to crawl and Basically I just make breakfast, lunch, dinner, and then repeat every day.
- [51:26]
Alan I.
It's kind of like a schedule. I feel like once you have that schedule, you know, I've heard a lot. Obviously I can't relate because I'm not a parent.
- [51:32]
Mama Lulu
Right.
- [51:32]
Alan I.
But I feel like, you know, I've heard from a lot of friends that our parent is like, like as long as you have a schedule and you keep your kids on a schedule, you know, it gets easier.
- [51:41]
Mama Lulu
Yeah. Because they know what to do. Like, they're like, okay, I gotta do this, I gotta do that. And they, they know what to do when they wake up. Like, they know where to go sit, they know where to go lay down. Like they're very much. They're. My kids are really good.
- [51:53]
Alan I.
What is one thing that surprises you about your kids? Like as a mom, you're like, what the hell? Like I'm wowed. Like I can't believe, like you're doing this or you're doing that with something that's a surprises you about your kids.
- [52:02]
Mama Lulu
So my oldest daughter, she'll just talk to me and we'll have like full on conversations. I'd be like, how are you this smart? How do you know that? It's like, I know this from that. I'm like, she'll have like conversations with me and I'm like, this little girl is getting so big. She's so smart. She knows her whole ABCs and she's three. Oh my God, she's so smart. I don't know. And then my other daughter, she's two and she'd just be talking to me. I'm like, how do you talk? Like a whole grown little woman. Like she talk so grown.
- [52:28]
Alan I.
They're very smart then.
- [52:29]
Mama Lulu
Yeah, they're very smart. My, my two year old, she talks like Peppa Pig though. She be like mama, she's like, she's all peppa.
- [52:37]
Alan I.
She's all the voice of Peppa Pig.
- [52:39]
Mama Lulu
Imagine she's like a little British little girl. I'm like, who are you?
- [52:42]
Alan I.
Does it make you happy? You know, looking back at your childhood, at the life that you had with your parents, do you ever have like moments where you sit back and you're like, wow, I can't believe this is my life.
- [52:53]
Mama Lulu
Yeah. I feel like ever since I was young, I always wanted to be a mom. I feel like I like you shouldn't want to be a mom at like 12 and 10 and you know, all these age or whatever, but I always wanted to be a mom. And then I feel like once I Become a mom. I'm like, I'm the best mom ever. Like, I wish I was my own mom. Like, I'm such a cool mom, you know, I'm. I don't know.
- [53:14]
Alan I.
You should be proud of yourself because, you know, like I said, you know, a lot of people like, like the repeating the cycle is so easy. It's so freaking easy. And I'm glad that you chose not to repeat it. You know, we're talking about social media, about how when you were going through postpartum, it was kind of around the time when you started doing social media. Tell us a little bit more about that. How did that start? What made you be like, you know what? I'm tired of being sad. I'm gonna pick up my phone, I'm start recording myself. And you know, how did you pick the name Mama Lulu? Tell us all about that.
- [53:47]
Mama Lulu
Okay, so basically, well, I did watch this one mom. Her name is Mama C. That's the only mom that ever inspired me to like make content. I remember if you scroll down on my social media, you can find me being an 18 year old stay at home mom, 19 year old stay at home mom. I did delete a lot of videos because they were very much cringy. But there is still some of me, some of me being very young, you know, but she inspired me to start doing little videos and hers with Mama C, you know, know, I was like, okay, that's cute. So you know, I use my name Lulu and put Mama Lulu, I think that's cute or whatever. So she was my inspo. And then basically I was like, I want to make content. But she didn't. She only made like cooking videos. I was like, I want to show the whole deal, you know, I want to show me waking up doing all of this. So I wanted to make it my own. And then I started doing story times. And then I feel like that's when I started going viral. Do like story times and then be like, like, I don't know, I'll like wake up, my phone's blowing up. I'm like, what? You know, no way. Actually, the first video that went viral was me giving birth to my son. Like my first like viral video as a mom. Cuz I had other viral videos, but like that was my first mom viral video.
- [54:54]
Alan I.
How did you feel at that moment? You're like, oh my God.
- [54:56]
Mama Lulu
I edited while I was in the labor room and I edited and then I literally posted it. I woke up in the birth room or labor room. I woke up and then I'm like, Bae, look at my phone, and it's already at, like, 200, 000 likes in one night. I was like, this is insane. You know?
- [55:14]
Alan I.
Did that motivate you to keep going?
- [55:15]
Mama Lulu
Every day I post it. I never missed a day. And then I would, like, borrow every video every day. I was like, oh, my God, I'm famous now. And then I, like, start seeing money come in. I was like, I just got, like, a thousand dollars from one video.
- [55:25]
Alan I.
You know what I love about you, though? I love how open you are about that. Because I remember when I first started following, you were literally telling your clothes girlies. You're like, hey, I make this much money, Y' all can too.
- [55:37]
Mama Lulu
You can make money.
- [55:38]
Alan I.
Yes.
- [55:38]
Mama Lulu
No. Some of my videos will literally make a thousand dollars. Every video. I love that story time. Oh, so good.
- [55:46]
Alan I.
You're, like, good, my man.
- [55:47]
Mama Lulu
I'm like, you can be a stay at home dad. I post on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, like, Snapchat, everywhere. You're getting paid everywhere.
- [55:54]
Alan I.
One thing I feel like works so well for you, and I feel like, you know, for your story times, you're doing your story times times, while physically they're seeing you live your life as a stay at home mom. And I feel like those type of videos do so good because I'm, like, trying to focus on what you're saying. I'm so intrigued with your story time. But then I'm, like, seeing you clean. I'm seeing you, like, pack lunch for your kids, like, whatever it is you're doing. And it's like you're making the audience having to interact in two different ways, but still keeping them. Like, I need to be looking at the whole video or else I'm gonna miss something. But the story time is so juicy. You do us such a good. How did that come to be? Like, what made you be like, you know what? Okay, I'm gonna be different. I'm not gonna sit my ass down and tell my story face, face to face.
- [56:37]
Mama Lulu
Right.
- [56:37]
Alan I.
What made you pick that way?
- [56:39]
Mama Lulu
So I feel like I started doing the cleaning videos, and now, like, nobody wants to watch a cleaning video of you explaining what you're clinging. Yeah, that's so boring. Like, now I'm cleaning the couch. Now I'm cleaning the living room. Like, no one cares. So that I'm gonna be interesting. I'm gonna tell them my life life. That's why I wanted to come on here. Like, I could tell my life on here. Yes. So, like, I'm just gonna tell story times and I didn't see any other mom do story times at that time. Like, I'm not saying I started it. There probably was other moms that did it, but I'd never seen another mom do story times cleaning up. So I started doing it and then, boom. I was going virals, like, okay, they love the story time. So I just kept sticking with it. And then I do. I do want to bring up how people think I like to show, like, just my backer, you know? And then, you know how I told you I have, like the face phobia?
- [57:21]
Alan I.
Yeah.
- [57:22]
Mama Lulu
Like, every time I look in the mirror, I feel like, ah, look, I don't like my face and not because I want to show my back or anything like that. Also, I was born with muscular dystrophy. Did I ever.
- [57:31]
Alan I.
I did see your stories about that. Tell us a little bit more about that, if you don't mind.
- [57:35]
Mama Lulu
Oh, my gosh. So it's so. I feel like, okay, that's like the only sensitive topic that makes me, like, sad or whatever. I have a two story house and I barely record upstairs stairs because I can barely walk up there. It takes me like five minutes to get up the stairs.
- [57:49]
Alan I.
Does your, like, muscles hurt or what exactly is it?
- [57:52]
Mama Lulu
Physically, my muscles are, like, weak and only my legs. Like, my arms, I feel like, are normal, but, like, my legs. I had a muscle biopsy and I was diagnosed at the age of two. And then I like, can't. I couldn't walk till I was like three. And then my mom was like, something's wrong with this girl. All my other kids can walk, you know, So I was diagnosed and then I would, like, can't run. I couldn't walk, talk. The PE teacher was like, something's wrong with your kid, you know? And then I couldn't do a lot of things that, like, normal people can do. Like, I can't even bend down with my knees.
- [58:21]
Alan I.
Do people bully you online for that? Because I did see your story recently because you addressed it. Was it like your first time addressing it on your story?
- [58:28]
Mama Lulu
Yes, because they were saying how I waddle when I walk. Someone commented. And, like, it had like 100 likes. And I deleted it because it made me mad. But it was like, like, she waddles when she walks. And I'm like, babe. I literally had to teach myself how to walk straight because I used to, like, walk really funny. So I would get bullied in school for it. They'll be like, I'll get picked last every time in P.E. like, oh, my God, don't pick her. She can't run. She don't. She's not fast. And I feel like a lot of people don't know that, but everyone that went to school with me knows that. They even split up on my story. Like, it's okay, girl. You're still a baddie, my girl. Bye. You still bully me.
- [59:02]
Alan I.
You were my bully. You know what's so crazy? I did see that, because I did even see, you know, someone. You went to camper. Did I read wrong? You went to therapy.
- [59:11]
Mama Lulu
Campy camp.
- [59:12]
Alan I.
Okay. Yeah. You went to, like, a. The. Is it, like, therapy kind?
- [59:15]
Mama Lulu
No. So basically just so you can hang out with kids that are like you. But then when I went there, I realized, like, I am so thankful for what muscular dystrophy I do have, because there was kids there in wheelchairs. Like, they were mainly wheelchairs. There was, like, five other kids that were like, me. Like, that can still walk and look normal. Like, obviously, I look normal. So everyone there, you know, they're in wheelchairs. I just, like, I'm so thankful for what muscular dystrophy I do have. If you have muscular dystrophy as, like, a boy, you do not live long. Like, I think they only make it to, like, 18. And I remember there was a boy, and I went there every summer for, like, four or five years, and then there's a boy. And then, like, me and him were friends, and I went the next year, and then he passed away, and it was so sad. I was like, where is he? His name was Ethan. I was like, where's Ethan? Like, he's supposed to be here. And then he was gone. It was so sad. And then when she slid up on my story, I was like, oh, my God, you went with me. Like, that's so cool. You watch me now.
- [60:11]
Alan I.
I did see that. I saw that, you know, comment, which I thought was, first of all, I feel like no one should ever have to explain themselves anything, because I do feel, you know, I did see your story. You, you know, you addressed it because you were getting comments about that. You know, people were coming at you like, oh, my God, she walks, she waddles, whatever. And then I saw the comment of, you know, that person that went with you. And I'm like, okay, you know, not that you need anyone to, like, back you up, but at least it was like, look, I thought I was lying. I ain't lying.
- [60:39]
Mama Lulu
Why would I lie about having a disease? Like, yeah, make him. But you know what's crazy? You know, Gypsy Rose.
- [60:45]
Alan I.
Uhhuh.
- [60:46]
Mama Lulu
My mom used to try to put me in a wheelchair. I'm. Obviously, I can walk. She used to try to make me. Me pretend it was worse. To get money. Yeah. Like, girl, what is. Like, it's so crazy, y'. All. And I would not do it. Like, we'll go to the doctor. She's like, just make your waddle a little more worse. And I'm like, I don't want to do that. She's like, just. Just do it. I'm like, I don't want to do that. You know? And she was trying to make me, like, more worse than what I was.
- [61:08]
Alan I.
To get, like, government help, maybe?
- [61:10]
Mama Lulu
Yeah. No, to get money. Like, and then we. Like, one time she had me walk around the neighborhood and raise money for muscular dystrophy, and she took the money for her drug.
- [61:18]
Alan I.
Drugs.
- [61:19]
Mama Lulu
Yeah. I thought I was really doing. I was so happy. I was like, I'm gonna raise money. I was so happy. And I was like, where's the money? Like, we gotta go to the. Because there's like a.
- [61:28]
Alan I.
Like, a competition.
- [61:28]
Mama Lulu
It was, like, in Tempe. It was like, a place where, like, who raised the most money? And she literally just spent all the money. And I don't even think it was just her. It was like, my dad. I was like, what the heck?
- [61:37]
Alan I.
You know, you were also mentioning a little bit about, you know, that people also come at you saying that you don't show a lot of your face because, you know, you want to show your ass or you want to. To just film from your behind, you know? And you were telling me before we started filming you guys, you. You were telling me that you kind of. What was it?
- [61:54]
Mama Lulu
The.
- [61:54]
Alan I.
A phobia. What is it? It's like.
- [61:56]
Mama Lulu
It's like, okay, so ever since I became a mom, I don't even look in the mirror. It's so sad. It sounds like, oh, she's just making this up. But ask my sister. I literally will walk past the mirror, don't even look. I don't know. I feel like I just don't know what I look like anymore. And every time I look at myself, I just, like, I don't like my face. It's not because I want to show my butt. Like, when I film and edit my video videos, I'm looking at my hair. I'm looking at the. Make sure my house looks good. I'm like, okay, this is a cute video. I'm not looking at my butt. I don't ever even look at my butt.
- [62:25]
Alan I.
You know, like, you Kind of almost edit around yourself.
- [62:27]
Mama Lulu
Yeah.
- [62:28]
Alan I.
Like, you're paying attention about everything else.
- [62:30]
Mama Lulu
Imaginary camera. That's what I think of when I'm filming. Like, I just have an imaginary camera. I'm on a TV show, making my little tv.
- [62:38]
Alan I.
Or you're not even visible is what you kind of think.
- [62:40]
Mama Lulu
Yeah, Like, I'm not. I don't even know there's a camera there. You know, I'm just, like, doing what I'm doing. And then there is a lot of clips on my face. But I just, like. I don't know. I just try. Like, I'm trying to fix it. I'm trying to look in the mirror more. My husband's trying to help me, too. Before I came on the podcast, I was crying for two hours. I was like, I don't look good. I'm not going. I'm gonna cancel it.
- [62:57]
Alan I.
You're gorgeous.
- [62:59]
Mama Lulu
I'm gonna cancel it. I don't like my face. I think my face is lopsided. And my husband's like, you look good. Like, you need to stop doubting yourself. You need to stop talking about yourself negatively. And I'm like, it's so hard. Like, I don't know. It's just so hard. Like, every time, you know, people have bodies, like, when they look in the mirror, they're like, oh, I'm so fat and they're really skinny.
- [63:15]
Alan I.
Yeah.
- [63:15]
Mama Lulu
I literally look in the mirror, I'm like, oh, my face looks horrible today.
- [63:18]
Alan I.
You're a gorgeous girl.
- [63:19]
Mama Lulu
Yeah.
- [63:20]
Alan I.
And this is me being honest, you know, and. But that doesn't take away from how you feel. I struggle with body dysmorphia. I used to weigh 321 pounds. I got weight loss surgery. I'm down to 165. But there's days where I eat so much that I feel so big and, you know, everyone around me like. But see what I mean? Mean, it's like, it doesn't. I always like to say, like, yeah, I get it, but that doesn't mean.
- [63:43]
Mama Lulu
I don't feel this way.
- [63:44]
Alan I.
You know what I mean? Like, there can be, you know, you're a gorgeous girl, but that doesn't take away that you feel a certain way. You know, you're telling us a little bit about that Your husband even tells you and motivates you. Like, come on, babe. Like, you gotta, like, show your face more. Is there anything that you are personally doing that you know is for yourself that you're like, you know what? I want to do this to, you know, beat the fear or to stop thinking this way about myself. Is there anything you're doing and if anyone else at home is struggling with anything similar, what would be something you would like to tell them?
- [64:13]
Mama Lulu
I feel like as a stay at home mom, you wake up and you just tend to your children. Like, I don't do my makeup, I don't do my hair. And like today I have my makeup hair on, I feel better. You know, I feel like that's what I need to start doing. I just need to take time for myself and wake up, do my hair, do my makeup. Because I only feel confident filming my face, like, looking cute.
- [64:32]
Alan I.
Yeah.
- [64:32]
Mama Lulu
Mostly when I film, I wake up and I film with a bare face on. I'm like looking away. I'm like, oh, my God, I have no lashes on, I have no makeup on. Don't look at me. You know, But I feel like I just need to start doing my makeup more and being more confident. Like, today I posted a tick tock on my face for the first time.
- [64:47]
Alan I.
And you're like, yay. No, you guys, every time we're gonna start seeing her face more, we're gonna root for you even harder.
- [64:53]
Mama Lulu
Yes. Because I'm really trying. And east tick tock, you can slowly see, like, my face is more in it. Like, I'm slowly working on it. I know a lot of people think I'm showing my butt, but if I wanted to show my butt, I would be in leggings or shorts.
- [65:04]
Alan I.
You're like, girl, I would not be doing a stay at home mom content. I'd be doing only fans. I really wanted to show my ass.
- [65:10]
Mama Lulu
No, literally. But I am working on it. And I feel like each video you guys will start to see my face more.
- [65:16]
Alan I.
And yeah, through your videos, I'm excited to start seeing you build your confidence. You know, I want to talk about the model mommy content. Obviously, you know, making the type of content you do also exposes you a lot to, you know, the mommy shaming, the hate comments, like all that, the copy and everything. How do you deal with all of that? You know, how do you deal with the mom shaming, the copying? What's your take on that?
- [65:40]
Mama Lulu
Honestly, I feel like at the end of the day, we're all moms, we all make similar content. I know a lot of people be like, she's copying so and so. She's copying so and so though. Like, I have a best friend, her name is Mama Paige, and she's like the queen of YouTube. Okay. She owns YouTube. And I'll post, like, my videos on YouTube shorts and they're like, oh, you're copying Mama Page. And then on Tick Tock, they'll go to her Tick Tock and be like, you're copying Mama Lulu. And the whole time we're best friends and we're like, these people are so dumb. Like, we're not even. Whole time I'll give her like ideas and she'll like, in her next video she'll use the idea and then she gives me ideas and like, like whole time we're really best friends in real life. But for the copying, I just want to say a lot of people, like my supporters will go on other people's channels and be like, you're copying Mama Lulu? And then sometimes they say like, they'll text me and be like, I feel like I'm getting harassed by like your supporters. And I'm like, I feel so bad because, like, I don't tell them to do that, you know, because I'll do a story time and then someone might do the same type of story time, but it's their version, you know, And I don't think that's copying. Like, we're all just moms making content. We all have very much similar lives. I don't know how you can copy being a mom and taking care of your kids. It don't make sense to me.
- [66:50]
Alan I.
I think like, social media also has become a place where a lot of people like just like to talk because they have a mouth. And for a lot of people, just stupid comes out of their mouths. And I'm glad that you and this person are friends, you know. But also could have been a moment where it could have created this rivalry they did.
- [67:12]
Mama Lulu
So there's these other girl, I'm not going to say their names, but they literally tried to like make us hate each other. I'm like, why are you trying to do that? Like, I'll make a video and then another girl make a video and then they'd be like, trying to make us hate each other. I'm like, whole time like, I don't even know who she is. I've never seen her videos. And you're just adding me. I'm like, I don't even know this girl. Leave her alone.
- [67:31]
Alan I.
That's literally social media. I feel like I always love to say misery loves company. And a lot of people, it's so easy too. I feel like sometimes, you know, I feel like if you're an old time follower, if you guys remember back in the day, you know, when me and Annette used to do A lot of videos. I have one of my best friends. I've known her for so long.
- [67:49]
Mama Lulu
Right.
- [67:50]
Alan I.
We used to do a lot of content together. Right. And a lot of people would always be in the comments, whether talking on me or talking on her, like, oh, you're this, you're that, or you're a bad friend, or you're this. I'm so glad that we never let that get in the way, affect us. But there was moments where we're like, are they right? But then we were like, they don't know what the happens behind closed doors. They see their tiny little minute video and they go off with that. And that's not the case, you know, But I feel like sometimes it can get to you, and I'm glad it hasn't.
- [68:21]
Mama Lulu
There have been times where, like, it has. Has. But I just be like, we're just moms, okay? You can't copy a mom. Like, she's taking care of her kids. I'm taking care of my kids. Yes. We get inspired by each other. Like, it's not that serious.
- [68:32]
Alan I.
How do you do with the mommy shaming? Like, oh, my God. Like, you should not be doing that.
- [68:36]
Mama Lulu
I don't care.
- [68:37]
Alan I.
Do you get comments like that?
- [68:38]
Mama Lulu
Yeah. And I don't care. You're not gonna tell me to raise my kids. These are my kids. They're cleaning their bays. They have a house. They're happy. Like, don't tell me how to raise my kids.
- [68:48]
Alan I.
A lot of the time, the people that talk don't even have kids. Kids, their kids, themselves.
- [68:51]
Mama Lulu
No. A lot of time I go to their page and their kids in a diaper in a dirty house.
- [68:54]
Alan I.
And you're like, babe, you're posting that.
- [68:56]
Mama Lulu
Yeah.
- [68:57]
Alan I.
Thank you. Next. Literally, next comment. You know, I want to talk about something that recently happened.
- [69:02]
Mama Lulu
We're.
- [69:03]
Alan I.
We're talking about love. We talked about your relationship. You recently got proposed and married. And I feel like you. You literally let that out so quick, like, nothing. So what is it called? Nonchalant. Like, you're like, I'm married, guys. Tell us more about that. How did you get proposed? How did you get married? Tell us all about that.
- [69:22]
Mama Lulu
So basically, he was like, we're gonna go. He kept throwing hints. He's like, we're gonna go to this fancy restaurant. I'm like, you don't ever take me to, like, a really fancy restaurant. And it was like, call 333. It was like, we spent, like, almost a thousand dollars that night.
- [69:36]
Alan I.
Oh, my God. Just you, too.
- [69:38]
Mama Lulu
Well, at first it was like 500 on food. But like, he was taking me out before and stuff.
- [69:42]
Alan I.
Okay, okay. So it accumulated to a thousand dollars. Okay, that's a cute date.
- [69:46]
Mama Lulu
Usually we just go to like, Olive Garden, Red Lobster, like normal restaurants, you.
- [69:50]
Alan I.
Know, family friendly restaurants. Yeah, yeah.
- [69:53]
Mama Lulu
We never been to like a fancy restaurant. I'm like, okay, there's a. This is a sign. And then he kept saying, like, the ring will look cute on your finger. Like, he kept throwing hints, you know? So then we went to the restaurant and I'm like, it's happening. Because he kept walking to the waiter. I'm like, why is he going over there? He was trying to have. Have him film and stuff. Anyways, he didn't end up filming, but the someone did film, like in the restaurant. He proposed and I was like, I lucky knew what's happening. And then he proposed. And then literally last month on June 8th, we got married. We just decided to like, not post it. We just went to the courthouse and did it. But we do still want to go to a priest and make it, like from God and, like, make sure God, like, did the marriage, you know, I feel like that would make our official date, but we are legally married.
- [70:36]
Alan I.
How does that feel?
- [70:37]
Mama Lulu
Feels good. I'm a wife.
- [70:39]
Alan I.
I'm a wifey, mother of three and everything. I love that for you. You're thriving, girl. I know you shared that you were proposed, but you didn't share the marriage and everything else. Do you feel like sometimes being on social media, do you feel like sometimes we get pressured of like, sharing every single moment of like, you know, oh, you have to have this over the top wedding. Do you ever feel feel those pressures?
- [71:03]
Mama Lulu
Well, a lot of people were mad because I said we didn't want to have a wedding because, like, all his family lives in a different state. I really only have my sister. I don't really have my mom and dad and all that. So I didn't want to have a wedding. I have no friends. Like, why would I spend all this money for, like one person to be sitting on my side? Yeah, like, I'm not doing that, you know? So we decided to just go to the courthouse and a lot of people were like, mad, like, in my comments about it. So, like, I'm not gonna record it. Yeah, I don't want to see all the hate comments. Like, this is a private, intimate thing that I want to have with him. So we did it with the kids too. We just went there. I wore like a little dress, he got dressed up and we went there. But I still want to go do it with a priest just to make it like, you know, but yeah, I, I don't really care.
- [71:43]
Alan I.
I love that. And I feel like, you know, as content creators, we're allowed to have private moments, you know, we're allowed to not have to share everything, you know, because I feel like, like, you know, those are the moments that are gonna be. Yeah, sometimes it's cool documenting them, but sometimes as content creators, you guys were. When we're documenting stuff, like recently, right, we had a party for my grandpa's one year anniversary last weekend from his death. And you know, I was thinking of documenting it. I was thinking of like, you know what? Like, I, I wanna share this moment with my followers, you know, they know how hard this moment, moment was for me. And if I'm being honest, I really only have four videos on my phone from that day because I decided not to vlog because I'm like, you know what?
- [72:29]
Mama Lulu
Like in the moment, I wanna, you.
- [72:32]
Alan I.
Know, really take this moment for what it is and not have to be too concentrated or worried about getting the perfect shot, you know, And I feel like I had so much fun. I blacked out, you guys, the next day. I didn't even know what the happened, but everyone had a great, great time and I had a good time. I want to talk about something that happened recently. You recently shared that you had a miscarriage. You know, tell us a little bit more about that. How did that happen? Were you having any symptoms of the miscarriage and overall, how did that affect you?
- [73:00]
Mama Lulu
Basically, I woke up, I was only like. I thought I was only like four weeks pregnant. Turns out I was 10 weeks pregnant, but I was having like so much pain. I was like. At first I thought the baby was stuck in like my fallopian tube or I thought the baby. Or I thought I was having. What is it? Appendix where it burst. Okay. So I thought my appendix was bursting because I wasn't bleeding. So I was like, I'm not having a miscarriage.
- [73:23]
Alan I.
Did you know you were pregnant already?
- [73:25]
Mama Lulu
Yeah, I took a pregnancy test, but I never went to like, get an ultrasound. I'm not bleeding. It's not a miscarriage. Let's go to the er. Because I couldn't move, I was in so much pain. So we went to the emergency room, we did the ultrasound and she was making like all these weird faces. I was like, you know? And then she. I can't say anything. You gotta wait till the doctor to tell you. So I'm like, okay. So then I go Back and we're waiting on the doctor. She comes in, she's like, so you're actually 10 weeks pregnant? Like, okay. You know? And she's like, so your appendix didn't bury us. The baby's on the fallopian tube. I'm like, all right. She's like, but the baby, like, is not growing normal. It doesn't look like a normal 10 week old baby. And she, like, looks like a miscarriage is about to start. I'm like, oh, okay. You know? And at first, this is when I, like, I finally accepted I'm pregnant. You know, I'm like, okay, I'm pregnant. I told my kids I'm pregnant. So I had to go home and tell them how I'm not pregnant. But then I left, like, the hospital, I'm crying the whole time, and I'm like, we have to stop and get pads because I'm gonna start bleeding. I only had tampons, so they have to go get pads.
- [74:20]
Alan I.
So they said, like, you weren't going through the miscarriage yet. Okay?
- [74:24]
Mama Lulu
They were like, you should expect bleeding, like, to tomorrow morning or in a couple days if you. And then they said, if I don't expect bleeding, I need to come back, you know? So I was like, okay. So I'm like, okay, I need to go get pads. So we go to the store to get pads. And then I remember, like, some. I'm like crying. I like mascara coming down my face. And that girl's like, mama Lulu, can I take a photo with you? I'm over here, like, sad, and then the whole car ride home crying because she wanted a picture of me. I'm like, I had mascara running down my face. I looked at some hole.
- [74:51]
Alan I.
Did she post it?
- [74:53]
Mama Lulu
I don't think so, but I had, like, my band still on my hands, you know, like the hospital bands. And then I left. And then I was like, dang. And I just told, like, everyone on my account, like, I have news to tell you guys. Like, I was gonna tell them I'm pregnant.
- [75:06]
Alan I.
Yeah.
- [75:07]
Mama Lulu
And then I was like, whole time, I had to tell them I'm having a miscarriage.
- [75:10]
Alan I.
You know, how did it happen? You know, obviously they tell you it's gonna start happening. What was the moment where you're like, oh, it's happening.
- [75:17]
Mama Lulu
Like, so I woke up in a pile of blood. I woke up the next day and I'm like, why am I soaking wet? I, like, lift the blanket up and the whole bed is filled with blood. I'm like, okay. Like, it started. So I Ran to the bathroom. I put, like, pads on and changed. I took a shower. And then for, like, the next three days, I was bleeding. And then normally I was like. It was just, like, chunks. But then once I'm, like, looking at it, analyzing, like, the miscarriage, I'm like, you know, and, like, chunks coming out, and then they're like, literally little feet. I swear, I'm like, oh, my God, what do I do with these feet? Like, do I bury it? Do I flush this feet?
- [75:52]
Alan I.
Like, yeah.
- [75:52]
Mama Lulu
I was just staring at it for, like, a whole hour. And, like, that was the only part of the body that I seen. Like, everything else was just clumps, but I physically seen, like, little, tiny.
- [76:01]
Alan I.
How did that affect you?
- [76:02]
Mama Lulu
It was sad. I was like. I didn't know what to do with it. I felt so bad. Like, flushing him, like, this is my baby that I'm gonna flush down the toilet. Like, it didn't make sense to me. Me. And I remember I was just crying. Staring at him. Was like, okay. And then my kids start crying. I was like, okay, I gotta hurry up. And I did it. I was like, so sad. And then my kids kept going on my belly, like, where's the baby? Where's the baby? And I, like, tell my kids, like, I didn't want to say the baby's dead. It's like, the baby went to heaven. Mommy don't have a baby in her belly anymore. And they're like, no, I want a baby. Like, my daughter got so much like, I want a baby. I want a baby. I'm like, it's okay. There's no baby. You know, you are my baby. You're my baby. It's okay. And then I just had to keep telling her, like, you guys are my baby. There's no more baby in my belly. And then now they, like, finally accepted it and kind of forgot about the situation.
- [76:45]
Alan I.
What's it been like, you know, coping with this loss, Obviously, you know, you were so excited, you know, that your family was gonna grow. How has coping and healing through this looked like for you?
- [76:56]
Mama Lulu
I feel like everyone was getting mad. They're like, you just need to take time off social media and just, like, accept that you had a misconception. One thing about me is I have to keep going. Like, I feel like if I didn't post and I didn't do stuff, I would get, like, more sad about it.
- [77:09]
Alan I.
Yeah.
- [77:09]
Mama Lulu
So I kept posting. I kept going. I was like, I gotta stay busy. And I've always been like that. Like, I'm always The person to keep going. Like, let's just keep going. I have to do it for my kids. I can't be sad around them.
- [77:19]
Alan I.
Like, I can't stay sad and mope around. Yeah, yeah.
- [77:21]
Mama Lulu
Like, I have kids. I gotta keep going, keep pushing. I gotta keep recording. I was like, I had to stay busy, you know? And then that's when my man, he was gonna get a vasectomy because. Because when I found out I was pregnant, he made a vasectomy appointment. Because we're like four. We're four and done. We both just want four kids, you know, so it was kind of hard. Now I don't know if I wanted him to get it though, because like, now I want one more kid, but not now. Fourth baby, like in two years, three, four years from now.
- [77:45]
Alan I.
You're like, so babe, hold on on that.
- [77:46]
Mama Lulu
Yeah, but the only reason he was getting it is because we thought we were already pregnant with the fourth baby.
- [77:51]
Alan I.
What was it like? You know, obviously sharing the news can be very nerve wracking, you know, my God, I'm sharing something so intimate to my followers, you know, what was it like? You know, recording that pressing scent and almost kind of making it official for your followers and also for yourself? Because I feel like you said, I feel like, you know, I'm the type to also keep going, but also the type. Like, if I publicize something, it's like concrete done. You know what I mean? How did that feel?
- [78:16]
Mama Lulu
I don't know. For me, I'm such an open book. Like I tell everyone everything. I feel like that's not, not as good. Maybe I should keep things more private. But I feel like I just like telling people. I feel like they help me, like in the comments. So like them supporting me helps me. You know, I'm like, okay. Everyone's telling me it's okay. I'm like, it is okay. You know, because like, I don't have friends. You know, I literally have no one to talk to. So a lot of people think I share too much, but I'm like, those are my friends. Like, I have no friends. Like, I gotta tell them or who am I gonna tell?
- [78:44]
Alan I.
You know, I do feel like social media, you know, you, Even though it comes, we've always talked and I've. I think on the podcast we focus on the bad sometimes. You know, in the last podcast I mentioned that, you know, I had a follower one time say, you know, you're the reason why I'm still here. I feel like for us too, it's like they're the reason why we keep going because there's support. Like, I feel like sometimes, you know, when I'm going through, I'm the type that I can't like, explain it to, like my real life friends sometimes because I feel like they're not going to get me or I'm just like, can over explain. But whenever I feel like I share more with my followers, whenever I vlog and I sit down because I feel like I'm just yapping, yapping, yapping, yapping, and no one is giving me a yes or no. Like I'm just talking my. And when I see their comments, it almost makes me feel not alone. And I feel like almost that kind of helped you, like, be like, you know what? Like, I'm not alone. I'm not the only one who's gone through this. Like, they're making me feel better. You know, life does get better. You know, to finish this topic off, what piece of advice would you give anyone watching at home that is currently going through a miscarriage or has gone through one and feels like there's no getting better?
- [79:48]
Mama Lulu
I feel like when you have a miscarriage, that baby will come back to you. Like, let's say you have a miscarriage and then your next baby. I feel like that baby is coming back into that baby. Yeah, I feel like that baby will find their way back to their mommy. And I don't know, I feel like maybe my next baby will be the baby that I miscarried. And that's just what I like to believe to make myself feel better.
- [80:07]
Alan I.
And yeah, and everything does get better. You guys, if any of you women or, you know, even I feel like also the men, you know, hurt too, you know, because at the end of the day, it's also, you know, their baby. If you guys are going through this, that everything will get better. Keep your faith in God. You know, we believe very much in rainbow babies and you know, just keep going and when the time is right, it will happen. You know, I've been loving this conversation to know that you were so nervous and I was nervous. I'm telling her. You guys. Haven't you guys been enjoying today's episode? Like, come on. Because you've done an amazing job to finish off today's topic and podcast episode. Where do you see yourself in the next five years? Whether that is as a family, career wise, everywhere. Where do you see yourself in five years?
- [81:00]
Mama Lulu
I see myself with my husband, of course. I see my kids being older, going to school. Oh my God, that makes me so sad. I see us, I don't know, we might be in a new house. I don't know, I just see us all growing as a family, me growing as a mother. And I don't know that I might have like a million something followers by then. I'm manifesting it and it will happen.
- [81:19]
Alan I.
And I know everything you just said said will happen, you guys, whenever you're determined to accomplish something, say it will happen. And I'm so excited, amigas and verdac, that we had this time to sit down and talk because I really do feel even me, you know, I follow you, you know I see your content, but I feel like for me, whenever I sit down with someone one on one and even if I've heard some stories online or even if I've seen some of your content, I feel like it's a different feeling. And I love the fact that, and I, I appreciate the fact that you've came out here and opened up because I know everyone at home did too.
- [81:52]
Mama Lulu
Yes.
- [81:53]
Alan I.
If you guys haven't followed her, amigas, aar our social medias down below so you guys can go ahead and follow her and keep up with her. And also don't forget to follow me so you guys will miss any future episodes. And with that being said, thank you so much for being here. Thank you.
- [82:08]
Mama Lulu
I love being here.
- [82:10]
Alan I.
And thank you guys so much for watching and we'll see see you guys in the next one. Bye guys. Yay. You did so good. Oh my God. No offense, but your brain is a terrible place to keep your big idea. It belongs in the world. But you know that already. You have a calling, a voice that says this is what I'm meant to do. Create the website your big idea deserves. With wix, make it your own with top to bottom customization, AI to help realize your vision and built in business tools to turn your daydream into your dream job. WIX supports every stage of the business journey except one. Your decision to begin. Ready? Go to wix.com.