← Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Marbella Talks All: Childhood Trauma, Murillo Twins, Baby Daddy Drama, CHISME + MORE!!
02:27:59
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- [00:00]
Marbella
So I see him and I'm like, good grief. Like, I cannot believe my dad's doing this. And I remember I was like, oh my God, he's going to get it. And I go, oh my God, Reuben, come here, come here, come here. And then Reuben was like, what? And I go, I just seen my dad. Like, I just seen my dad kissing this lady. Like.
- [00:31]
Alanized
What is up you? Hey guys. I am your host, Alanized and this is the season finale of Noche de Pendejadas, your favorite podcast turned talk show. And on the Yotrago Atus Influencers Favoritos has been a total success. Thank you. After 150 plus episodes, amigas we're still going strong is coming to an end. I also want to go ahead and thank every single one of my guests and without them trusting me to tell their story, this podcast would not be where it's at today and feel seen. I posted a tick tock where I was inviting you guys to fill out a Google form so you guys can come on my podcast. That was about a month and a half ago. Over 20, 000 submissions were submitted. Going single, one of those has been very time consuming. So if you guys haven't applied to be on the podcast, I will go ahead and leave the link down below and fill out the application. Make sure you guys are very detailed about what you guys want to talk about. Give us a little brief of your story. It's been my dream to be on the podcast with Alan Ice. I've been watching Alan and that is comfortable opening up. So make sure that in the description part on the les. I will leave the link down below. Aeste proyecto mio. And with that being said, Amigas Amos el pesar con el episodo del dia de hoy. Father's Day is right around the corner. And if you're still searching for the perfect gift, I got you covered. We all know dads can be tough to shop for. But Manscaped has the ultimate gift to keep him fresh, confident and well groomed. And the best part, no waiting for shipping. Just stop by your local CVS and grab it today. And here's the best part. The Lawn Mower 3.0 Refined Kit is exclusive to CVS. It got everything dads need to stay fresh, clean and confident. Join the over 12 million men who trust Manscaped to stay clean, fresh and confident this Father's Day. Skip the boring gifts and give dad something he'll actually use. Head to your local CVS today and grab the Lawnmower 3.0 plus refined kit and give dad the gift of top notch grooming this Father's Day.
- [04:09]
Unknown
All right, let's talk about how Amazon prime makes everything better. You know, the moment you're binge watching different things and you realize that prime has more to offer than expected. Amazon prime isn't just fast delivery, though, let's be honest, getting snacks or a last minute prop delivered the same day is a lifesaver. It's also Amazon music to vibe to and all the things that make life more interesting. Red band. Whether streaming a stand up special, building the perfect playlist for the next show, or getting new gear delivered fast, prime helps make it all happen and maybe even delivers a few laughs along the way. So whether comedy, drama or just the perfect new joke book is the vibe, remember, prime is there for it. I do it all on Prime. Whatever you're into, it's on Prime. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. Visit Amazon.comprime to get more out of whatever you're into. Amazon.comprime with that being said, please help.
- [05:12]
Alanized
Me welcome my guest tonight. Hello, you guys. But this is the second time in the last week.
- [05:33]
Marbella
Week.
- [05:41]
Alanized
Last Monday, which was supposed to be our season finale, when it came down to editing Tuesday night, the files were gone. Not just all the files, only your files. I was panicking. I was like, oh my God, why is this happening to me on the season finale, Gracia. Because you guys, I thought, I was like, you know what, she's probably not gonna have time because we did film for a good time.
- [06:12]
Marbella
Yeah.
- [06:13]
Alanized
So thank you so much for taking time out of your day and out of your schedule.
- [06:19]
Marbella
Thank you for having me. So my name is Marbella and I'm the Murillo twins mom. I'm a mom of four kids, grown kids now. I don't have babies anymore. And I used to also do YouTube and I'm just, I just took a long break. Maybe I'll be back soon.
- [06:39]
Alanized
The last time we filmed you guys with all the tea you spilled in the last interview. So we're gonna go ahead and start with the cheese. I want to start off with your childhood porcupines. How was Marbella growing up? Como fueto infancia cuenta as a child.
- [07:08]
Marbella
I think I had a good upbringing. I was born and raised here in Los Angeles. I was raised around a lot of families, so I loved la. Like, Los Angeles was like my thing. I, I actually grew up in South Central. We moved around a lot in la. So I've, you know, Lived in a couple of places here in la. But I think as a baby I had a good childhood. As a teenager, I didn't. I think I had a very hard upbringing as a, as a teenager. I always have loved L. A. Like, to me, like living in Southern California has been like the best for me. It's always sunny here. Like, I love the weather, everything. I'm just such an 80s girl. Like, I love 80s anything, like 80 movies. I just love anything that has to do with 80s. I follow so many 80s on my Instagram. It just, I just, I always think about it and I'm just like, I had such a good childhood as a little girl that I just love those times. And I remember, I guess, because my parents were together and that's what I always wanted, my parents together. So I just, I. Maybe that's why I love LA so much and going to Disneyland.
- [08:19]
Alanized
Because it reminds you of when you were together?
- [08:21]
Marbella
Yes, of like when, I guess everything was good. I mean, it was like putting a band aid on a wound. And we would do so many things. We would go to Griffith Park. That was the thing to do back then. Back then it's like you would go outside and you were being your bike and I was having fun. You would play Las Escondidas, which is Hide and Go seek. And that was. Those were the best times. The 80s were like the best.
- [08:44]
Alanized
No curfew now.
- [08:45]
Marbella
No like no phone. Like, mama be back, I'll be outside. And she would come outside and be like. But you know, like we did have a phone later on, but when I was a kid, maybe five, six, we didn't have a phone. Remember my dad would go to the corners, there was this liquor store. And I remember back then, you guys don't know about that, the youngsters, but it was like a phone. You would put quarters in and then you would call. And that's what we used to use back then. I think we didn't get a phone until I was like a teenager. We had a phone like for a bit and then we got rid of it. I don't know why. So when I was 15 years old, I moved to Fresno. Los Angeles is such a fast paced life that when I moved to Fresno it was so different. So I, I just never got used to it. So I always said, I'm gonna move back one day. Like that was my dream. I'm gonna move back. And then when I moved to Sacramento, I was just not happy. Once I separated from Gordo's dad, I said, I need to Go back. I'm not happy. I'm not happy. And little by little, I just started putting it in my head, I'm gonna go back. I'm gonna go back. And I started asking all my coworkers, like, should I go back? Should I go back? I remember my really good friend Vanesh said, you should do what makes you happy. You'll be so much happier over there. That's all I needed. I'm like, I'm going back. Kids like you, either you guys come or you guys stay. And I came back.
- [10:03]
Alanized
Did you always wanted to come back? Was that something that you're like, fuck, like, I loved la. Like, was that a thought you always had, or was it just more of like a thought you got later on, you know, in your life?
- [10:16]
Marbella
I had a really hard teenage life, so I wasn't living with my parents for a while. I was living with one of my aunts and one of my cousins. And when they were gonna move, my dad got offered a job in Fresno. And I found out they were moving. And I was like, I really need to go back with my parents. So I thought about it for months, like, should I go back? Like, but then I'm gonna regret not being with my parents because they were going up north. Like, they were going to Fresno. So I said, I should go back with them, you know, And I made the decision to come back. And when I was up there, I just hated it. I just said, oh, my gosh, this is not for me. I want to go back. I want to go back. Nun casa meso. Like, it's so expensive compared to up north. Once I separated from Gordo's dad, I said, I am going back. I didn't know where I was going to come back to la, but I'm like, I need to go back. And all my family was from Southern California. Like, at all. My cousins I grew up with. I have so much family here in la, so I thought, I need to go back. That's where my heart is. And it is like, I love la. Like, I remember when I lived in Fresno and in Sack, it rains over there. And it's always like, the winters are always so cloudy. Okay, it's always, like, foggy. Like, the summers are really hot and the winters are really cold. I thought, oh, my gosh, this is not for me. Like, when it gets really cold and cloudy, I felt like. I feel like kind of down and like, you know, when we go up there, it's like, oh, no, it's so boring. There's nothing to do here. I'm not trying to insult my Fresno people or my sack people, because I know you guys kind of don't like it over here. So when the up north people come over here, they can't get accustomed to it. They don't like it. They're like, it's too much. They're rowdy. Like, I know Fernando's cousin, like, Rogelio, when he comes over here, he's like, bea. Like, they're so rude to me. Like, no me lan Chance. And they are like, you know, here you're driving, like, get out of the way. Like, it's road. Road. It's road.
- [12:16]
Alanized
Raf.
- [12:18]
Marbella
Outrage, like, constantly as, like. Like, you know, that's, like, a big thing. There's so many, like, shootings over here because of, like, road rage and stuff. It's, like, bad. Like, we need to all calm down. But I feel like over there is more nice.
- [12:33]
Alanized
I feel like over there. You know what I mean? I feel like. I think that's, like, a thing, right? Like, I feel like, would you mind moving out? You know, you get older and you want to kind of live, like, a slower life, or do you feel like.
- [12:55]
Marbella
Is because I went totally broke because the girls were already old. So when I started telling them, hey, you know, like, I was just, like, really, really sad. Up in Sacramento, like, this is just like, what am I doing here? I'm not happy, like, all the time. And Don says I was like, estangrandes, like, my kids. Estangrandes, chiquito. But I was like, what am I doing here? So I would call my cousin a lot, like, the ones that I grew up with, and they're like, yeah, vente primavente. Vente, vente. And shout out to my cousin Rosa, Adriana, and Alma. Like, they helped me out so much. Without them, I wouldn't have been able to come back. They were like, we're not gonna. We're not gonna move. No te vamos. I was having a lot of problems with Gordo's dad. So my main thing was I'm gonna move back to la because I just. What am I doing in Sacramento.
- [13:56]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [13:57]
Marbella
Notengo familia. Ya know? 10 ya estabayas sola mima. They were in Fresno, so I'm like, I don't belong here, you know? And Gordo's dad always knew, like, I wasn't from over there. Then me and Gordo's dad had like. Like, we were, like, having it so bad, like, arguing back and forth once I left him. So I'm like, I need to leave. Like, it was mentally draining. Yeah, mentally. I was so drained and, like, it was so bad. So I said, I need. So I started telling the girls, hey, I'm gonna go back. I'm gonna go back. I'm gonna go back. And they would be like, yeah, mom, if that's. They've always been supportive. Yeah. So they're like, bye. If that's what you want, go ahead. You know, And I would tell my son, like, I'm gonna leave. So I thought, like, they're not gonna follow me, and, no make it in sigir. And, like. And they would tell me, we're 18 and you can't make us go. Los ninos ilego esta priyana Fernando. And then my son Ruben, you know, he was el nada. He's like, I'm not. I'm not gonna go with you. Like, they all got rebellious, and nobody wanted to follow me. So I said, I'm warning you, I'm gonna leave. I'm letting you know. And I started like, I don't know if this is a Libra thing, but you gotta kind of, like, start, like, doing it little by little and convincing yourself. I'm such a. I've read, like, on. I don't believe too much in that, but I'm like, oh, my God. That. That is how I am. That's like, a Libra thing. Like, even when I buy an outfit, I'm, like, looking and looking and looking before I'm like, okay, finally, yeah, the sale's over and I'll pay full price because I don't jump on it. So that's my.
- [15:31]
Alanized
Like, do you feel like you overthink a lot?
- [15:32]
Marbella
I overthink a lot. Like, I remember one time Brittany posted, like, this teddy bear, like, going like this. Like, me overthinking. That's just on me. Like, I overthink stuff. So I started telling them. Nobody believed me. And then my cousins were like, like, my cousin Alma was like, yes, girl, Bente, you could come with me, whatever. And when I was young, you guys, when I was, like, maybe, like. I think it was, like, 14 still, I lived with my cousin Alma. She took care of me and her mom and dad. I stayed with them for a couple of months because I had a lot of problems with my parents. So that's like. She's like a sister to me. Even her. Her brother, my cousin Johnny, is like. He's always been like a brother to me and my cousin Liz. So when things are really bad, I guess I do always go to them. And she was like, vente, vente, vente. So I'm like, I'm leaving. And nobody believed me, and I didn't. I always have that bad habit that even this time that I moved, I won't pack till days before.
- [16:28]
Alanized
Okay.
- [16:29]
Marbella
So my son was like, you're not. That's not your mom. Like, you're not moving. I don't see you doing nothing. I go, oh, you'll see me at the end of this week. I'm gonna pack. So que pude y me bine yas taqui.
- [16:40]
Alanized
You guys twins? Las twins bien tercas de que no Sacramento. Years later.
- [16:49]
Marbella
So I feel like the cuatas, they wanted to bribe me. Like, they're like, esta loca. Yeah. Like, she's gonna come back. She's gonna come back. Like, years and years went by, and I'm like, I'm not going back. Like, I love it here. At first, I was sad because my kids stayed behind, and I'm such. Like, my kids come first. Like, I love my kids so much. Like, that's my life. You know, I did miss them, and I would cry, and then, you know. But before that, I brought Gordo on a couple of trips over here, and I took him to Knott's. I took him to Disneyland, took him to Universal Studios. I'm not a Magic Mountain person. Those rights are too rough. But I was like, if we move here, this is what we can do, like, every weekend and stuff. I was, like, jumped on it. He was like, yes. I got a. I got the pass to go every year. And Brittany Savino Primero. I want to say maybe Brittany. I'm not too sure, you guys, because I've been here for 11 years now, since I came back, because, you know, like I said, I was born and raised here. I want to say Brittany. I want to say it was Britney sometime. I was so happy. I'm like, whatever. No, she did me dirty, and she went back. I was so sad. Cono. Serre. So, Brianna, No.
- [18:25]
Alanized
So do you feel like you were more of a daddy's girl growing up or a mommy's girl?
- [18:30]
Marbella
I definitely think I was a daddy's girl for sure. 100%. I got along with my dad so much. A lot of you guys that would follow my YouTube or follow the twins. YouTube. My mom lives with me, and I take care of my mom. I guess I'll talk about that later because my mom is disabled now, and I ended up taking care of my mom. But me and my mom had the worst relationship Ever. Like, I could not stand my mom. I feel like my mom, like, I felt like she just, like, destroyed my childhood in so many ways. Like, her and my dad would argue and fight so, so much. It was so bad. Like, like, to the point where I probably need to go get therapy, but I just. I'm, like, strong, and I'm like. I'm just. You know, I already know what they're gonna tell me, you know? So I'm like, maybe one day I'll do it. But my parents would fight a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot. When I was little, both of my parents had a really bad temper, but I feel like my mom was kind of like the violent one, so. Zacaba casuelas. Like, lo que pudiera mi papa. You know, I was a little girl, you know, and I would just see that my dad getting beat up, up. So I would feel bad for my dad, like, but deep down inside, I kind of knew why. Because my dad, like, Novenia dormir, okay. Or my dad would be out. Like, now that I'm older, I get my mom. But I feel like my mom would take it out on me. So my mom would be miserable with my dad, and I feel like she would take it out on me or she would be mean to me.
- [20:04]
Alanized
Would she ever, like, physically hit you, too?
- [20:06]
Marbella
Oh, yeah, all the time. Like, it was so bad. Like, she would beat me, you know, like, when you're Hispanic. Come on. Like, maybe nowadays or like, your age group probably didn't.
- [20:18]
Alanized
No. I feel like I still got the cinto pitial. I got the cable. I got the chunk. I feel like now it's just like.
- [20:25]
Marbella
Yeah. So, like, I feel like the twins, they don't like to, like, spank or none of that. They don't. They're like. And they don't like to do that. To each their own. But I feel like. I mean, like, with punches in my face, like, me rastravan por la casa. Like, my mom was just so miserable with my dad, and it was just like. I feel like my mom just. My mom hates me. She would punch me. I remember one time, she's like. I said. I think it was. I like camarones, and I used to hate seafood, you guys. Like, this is probably why I don't like seafood. I do like seafood and, like. Like, crab legs and stuff like that. But I don't like fish. I don't eat fish. And I remember this time. I'm never gonna. For. I don't know. And I was on the phone, and it Was like a minute or two, you know, in a hui. Oh, my God. And she punched me in the face. Like, I would just think my mom was evil. She kicked me out. I would run away. I was like, a runaway all the time. And I remember I used to have my best friend Ana, and her mom and Anna would take me in, and they would hide me because I would get to their house, like, beat up. And I would get there crying and stuff. And it was always the same thing. I was always going through stuff because. Because my mom and dad would be fighting. I remember the cops would always be looking for me. That's how I ended up living with my cousin Alma, my aunt and my uncle, and them. Me, Corria. And I would always be a runaway. Like, I remember one time the cops were looking for me. I remember this one time, too, when I lived in La Puente, because I also grew up in La Puente once. I was in middle school. So I remember that there was a cop outside. It was a sheriff. I'm never gonna forget. I went in and asked the sheriff, like, hey, would I go to jail? And he says, no, you wouldn't. You wouldn't go to jail. But we would look for you. And there could be, you know, consequences over it. Like, so no jail, right? He's like, no. I'm like. My mom would tell me, like, we put a police report. You know, you run away. She would beat me up, like, you know, so yo meva. And they would hide me. And I remember that the sheriff went to go look for me at my friend's house. And I remember she would say, you can't stay here. We have to hide you. And I remember she had a van. And they would hide me in the van. And then from there, I would, Ms. Condian, amiga. Otra, otra, otra. Like that.
- [23:02]
Alanized
How old were you when that started happening? Like, your mom kicking you out? Was that very young?
- [23:06]
Marbella
I was probably, like, 13 or 14. And then I also feel like my mom got more, like, miserable because she really wanted a boy. Like, she. If you guys follow the twins, you guys know Mama. And mama always says that she only wanted boys, that that's how she felt. So she only wanted boys. And that if it was up to her, she would never have no girls. Really bad. So when she got pregnant with my sister, I remember my cousin at that time answered the phone when they called to tell her, because back then, they would call you and tell you, like, say, son, analysis. If you're 35 and older, you're high Risk. So she got this test done where they were checking to make sure everything was okay. The baby. And they called to give her her results. And then they asked her, do you want to know the sex of the baby? And she said, yeah. So my cousin's like, it's a girl. And I remember she cried so much. She was so. She was upset. She did not want to have a girl the whole time. She cried and cried and cried. She wanted to have a boy really bad. I remember when she gave birth, she had to have a C section. And I remember who took me. I think it might have been my dad that picked me up. And I remember my sister Monique was choking on something. I was 12. So the whole time I remember thinking like, my mom. No la vaquerer. The reason why my mom had I had another sibling was because I would cry for another sibling. I would tell my mom I want a brother or sister. That's why, you know, things decided. Yeah, I remember I get to the hospital and I remember I see my little sister and I remember she starts choking. She was choking and my mom had a C section. And I remember she jumped on it like to grab my sister and everything. So I was like, oh, like I'm so relieved. She does like sila quiere, you know. So I remember being worried. But then I remember that postpartum depression came after that. So my mom was really, really depressed after that, like all the time. So my mom's always had depression. And I want to say maybe because she wasn't happy with my dad. I don't know. I think my mom and my dad got married when she was like 22 or 23. So I don't feel that it was that young for back in the day. Because back in the day I just feel like my parents were never meant to be with each other. I felt like in the first year my mom should have seen like a San Los Vida and my dad too, because it goes both ways. Like, I know a lot of people always say, like, oh, poor mama, like this and this and that, but you guys, mama wasn't a good mom to me. And that's why I always defend my dad. Because my dad was a great father, but he wasn't a great husband.
- [25:43]
Unknown
All right, let's talk about how Amazon prime makes everything better. You know, the moment you're binge watching different things and you realize that prime has more to offer than expected. Amazon prime isn't just fast delivery, though, let's be honest. Getting snacks or a last minute prop delivered the same day is a lifesaver. It's also Amazon Music to Vibe to and all the things that make life more interesting. Red Band Whether streaming a stand up special, building the perfect playlist for the next show, or getting new gear delivered fast, prime helps make it all happen and maybe even delivers a few laughs along the way. So whether common comedy drama or just the perfect new joke book is the vibe, remember, prime is there for it. I do it all on Prime. Whatever you're into, it's on Prime. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. Visit Amazon.comprime to get more out of whatever you're into. Amazon.comprime this episode is brought to you by State Farm.
- [26:47]
Marbella
Knowing you could be saving money for the things you really want is a great feeling. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how to you can choose to bundle and save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. Summer's here and Nordstrom has everything you need for your best dress season ever. From beach days and weddings to weekend getaways in your everyday wardrobe. Discover stylish options under $100 from tons of your favorite brands like Mango Skims, Princess Polly and Madewell. It's easy too, with free shipping and free returns in store order, pickup and more. Shop today in stores online@nordstrom.com or download the Nordstrom app. When I got older, I kind of started seeing why my mom was so amargada. I guess that's a word to say. I don't know if my mom would just know that she messed up by saying she only wanted boys and she would try to fix what she had said, but it's like she would say it over and over, like Levalia. But then let me put a band aid over what I just said right now. So she would say, esque las viejas salen embarazadas y no mas se que man. Like, okay, because when I was young, you guys like, like back in my times, because I am in my late 40s, being pregnant without being married was the worst thing you could do. It was like you were the black sheep of the family. You were the embarrassment. Hola la familia, la vergon saces a lo maximo, she would say. So my mom very much would think that way. She's very like, my mom's in Pueblo in Jalisco, San Francisco d' Assist. And I feel like there she was very close minded the way she grew up. And I think that had a lot to do with it versus my dad that he grew up in those Uniteds. So you know, it was like different lifestyle. So I, I feel that that's why they never went together. Yeah, because my mom is very close minded till this day. My mom's very negative. She's known for being very negative in so many ways.
- [29:09]
Alanized
Was she super religious growing up?
- [29:11]
Marbella
Yes, she was. Well, I'm Catholic and my parents were Catholic. Super Catholic. Like growing up, like in our family we even have like a padre. And like my dad's family, I think he had an aunt that was a nun. So we were very Catholic. I mean my mandavan to do my catechism and stuff like that. But you know what's funny? Me mandavana said a catecismo and on Sundays you had to go to church with your family. And you know what my parents would do to me? They would wake me up at seven in the morning and go dump me at church and not stay with me. And supposedly, yeah, they're like, you stupid, stupid.
- [29:52]
Alanized
Because they would kind of like write it down, right?
- [29:54]
Marbella
Like you had to sign in. And I remember at that time I lived in Cyprus, so I remember that little church. That's where I did my first communion, which I loved going to my first communion. I remember our teacher was like the nicest teacher ever. And I remember I would see everybody there with their families and I wouldn't like since I was a little girl, like I've been left behind in the cold, like why wouldn't I go with my family? And this is why I always wanted to have more siblings, but my parents wouldn't go with me.
- [30:24]
Alanized
Was your mom, you know, cuentas that she kind of would hit you y tecoria de la casa. Would, when you would come back, would she kind of like apologize or would it just kind of be like, you know what, moving on, what was that like?
- [30:38]
Marbella
When you would come back, she wouldn't talk to me. She would be mad at me. But it's like you would kick me out. And the only reason I would come back was because my dad would look for me. My dad would like, I would call that I just want to tell you I'm okay. And he'll be like, miha, you would cry, like, please come back, like I love you. And I, I would hear him, like he would tell my mom, like, no regression, like this is going to be your fault and stuff like that. I don't blame my mom because, like, you guys, like, that was my mom back then. That's not my mom now. Like, she's still with her whole thing about boys. And I don't take it personal. Like, I don't think the twins or none of us take it personal because that's the way she is, and we're not going to change her. But I feel like my mom now has. Now she's a great grandma. Like, she's a good grandma, and she's even a better great grandmother. She is like. Like, she loves the grand. Like, make not even grandkids. So she loves. Loves them. So I think what it is is, like, monkey see, monkey do.
- [31:43]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [31:43]
Marbella
Because even I didn't want to be that way. And I picked up from my mom with my daughters and my kids, like, all of my kids. Like, but it doesn't come with the handbook. So I wasn't a great mom either. I was young. I was 16. I didn't know how to be a mom. And you pick up from how you get raised.
- [32:04]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [32:04]
Marbella
So I should have been like, since my mom raised me like this, I'm never gonna be like this. Like, I'm never gonna do that. One thing that my mom did to me is that so. I remember I hated papaya and fish. And she would, like, slap my ass like, you're gonna. Tabasa, comeda, quino restoran, tabaza. Come on. I would cry like, I hate papaya and fish. Like, that was like liver, all that. I hated that. So I remember simple semegro. When my kids get older, I'm never gonna feed them what I don't like. I never made them eat something that they didn't like. I wouldn't make them eat it because I remember. And she'll be like. I would be like, oh, I would be there for a whole hour. And I remember I started getting smart. I would get a toyita, and I would like, like, throw the. Like, be delivered pescado, and I would, like, crumble it up. I remember that one time I was in my room, and she goes, so I pretended to be asleep. I was like, I'm going to pretend to be asleep. It's funny, you guys, that when I was a little girl, I hated food and meat. I especially hated me. And now, why can't I not like food now? But when I was that little, she wasn't really mean to me like that. She was.
- [33:48]
Alanized
Was.
- [33:49]
Marbella
She was good and affectionate to me. As I started getting older, like, more towards, like, I feel like it was more when she got pregnant from my sister.
- [33:57]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [33:58]
Marbella
I feel like that just dropped her and, like, it made her really miserable. And then, you know, like, her and my dad not getting along, my dad being a cheater. And like, like I said, I. I understand now as a woman, my dad has not been a good husband, but he was a good father.
- [34:17]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [34:17]
Marbella
So I can't take that away from him, you know? And at the end of the day, sometimes, like on YouTube or people will write me, like, you have to be there for your mom more than your dad. Like, f your dad. Like, no, you guys, I have to be there for both of them because at the end of the day, those are both my parents. And.
- [34:41]
Alanized
Like, he failed your mom.
- [34:42]
Marbella
Not you, not me. Yeah, yeah. So I try to be there for both of them and I try to take care of both of them as much as I can.
- [34:50]
Alanized
You know, growing up, you always saw your mom, you know, being very violent with your dad growing up or I didn't know how bad my mom had it. Was there ever a moment where you were like, damn, my dad's cheating.
- [35:15]
Marbella
I feel like I would hear my mom, like, in platicas because I didn't grow up in a lifestyle or in a household where my mom, like, my mom has always been very open and I feel like, like I said, monkey see, monkey do. I've been the same way. I remember, like, my dad, he would lie and say, like, oh, I was in jail and all this. So then I started picking up on it, like, like, wow, my dad's a liar. Like. But then I couldn't help feeling sorry for my dad, cuz you know what my dad would do? I remember when we lived in South Central la, we lived in apartments and we lived like off of Vermont. I had such a good childhood because whatever, I could get off of my parents being together. To me, that was like, no mejor. So I remember que simple a treat. He could get this from my. From my abuelito. Like, that was his thing at night. Like, that was my dad. And I feel like I do that with the kids too, because, you know, monkey see, monkey do. I get that from my doing that from my dad because I remember that. That would make me happy.
- [36:39]
Alanized
Feel good.
- [36:39]
Marbella
Yeah, Yeah. I thought about, yeah, like, oh, so my. Like Brittany says my dad was getting all the brownie points. Those are like my best memories, like, of me with my parents. I remember one time my parents got into this big old fight because of marble. And it was like a kind of like a Not like a duck, but like.
- [37:09]
Alanized
Like a swan.
- [37:10]
Marbella
It was a swan.
- [37:11]
Alanized
Okay. Okay.
- [37:11]
Marbella
It was a swan. And it was like blue with white. Like the color of this. Papa was like, hi. And we had a roccola back then, like, this big. Like the size of this. Because my dad would knock out, you know, back in the day. That was like his thing. Yeah. And I started so, like, okay, my dad's like a cheater. But I knew, like, I guess I did know that my dad was a cheater. But I still loved my dad because my dad was always a good dad. So I accepted the way my dad was. And I remember, like, every other week, we were moving to Mexico. Like, nos vamosira Mexico. Because my dad would cheat and then to reconcilia. But then as I got older, to answer your question, or did I ever know if my dad was cheating, all that stayed in my mind. And so I remember when I was pregnant with my son Ruben, I lived in Fresno. I must have been like, I was 17, I think. Seventeen? Yeah. I got pregnant with my son when I was 17. I remember I was pregnant with him. And I remember my mom knew something fishy was going on. And she tells me, right? Because by then I moved in, I moved back with my parents, and I remember my mom tells me something fishy about my dad. And I'm like, well, momo to us a la cuenta. Like, you should know, right? So I go, que yo te vayudar? Back then, you guys, it was a pager. So I go, my dad's dead asleep in pero dalmatian. We had the. We lived in Fresno and we had the door open because it was hot. Summer is coming right to your door with Target Circle360.
- [38:57]
Alanized
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Marbella
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Alanized
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Marbella
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Alanized
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Marbella
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Alanized
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Marbella
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- [39:49]
Alanized
Go to your happy price. Priceline.
- [39:58]
Marbella
But I didn't know that back then. I'm like, now I'm so knowledgeable when it comes to dogs. Back then, I wasn't. So I was scared. I'm pregnant. I jump on top of the table, and I'm like, dad, dad, dad. Me and my mom are, like, yelling. My dad never woke up. And I remember. And I told my mom, sorry, sorry. I got El Dalmatian and whatever. Yeah, that's fine, whatever. And I told my mom, this is our time to go get his paycheck.
- [40:30]
Alanized
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [40:34]
Marbella
I'm like, mom, she's like. I'm like. So I go and I grab my dad's pager and I go through his numbers, and I start calling. And she's like, you know, spoke Spanish and stuff. Go like. And she tried to play it off, like, all sad and stuff. And I'm like, dude, I've had it with my mom. I can't take this mental abuse anymore. And it's like, I'm not defending him or you. I just don't want to be caught in the middle of it no more. Like, I'm so drained. It was, like, mental abuse there, you know?
- [41:31]
Alanized
Would you say that it was, like, almost an everyday thing, or whenever they were together, they would fight.
- [41:36]
Marbella
It was like. Like, they would fight, and they would go months without talking. And when it would get bad, it would get really, really bad.
- [41:43]
Alanized
Okay?
- [41:43]
Marbella
Like, my dad never hit my mom that I was aware of. Yo no camireso. I would see my mom, like. I don't know if you want to call this domestic violence, but I would see my mom throwing whatever she could at my dad. And, you know, I would see all that. When I got older. I just knew that my mom wasn't happy with my dad. And I realized why. Because then I got into my relationship and I seen shit. This is why my mom is unhappy, is unhappy. And, you know, like, I was able to understand my mom, pero that was, like, the kind of abuse that I seen. And that's. That's how I caught my dad with, like, the first lady and my mom and stuff. And no sec. I don't remember exactly what happened. I was 17, but I know they had to talk about it and whatever. And I know my dad was like, you bitch. He snicked. You, like, snitched on me, you know? And I said, dad, sorry. But I'm not gonna let you do that to mom. You know, like, I was more of a woman. I already had the twins, and I was pregnant with my second. Well, not my second because I had the twins, but my second pregnancy. And I kind of more understood my mom as a woman.
- [42:45]
Alanized
Yeah. Did they separate in esse momento or. They still stayed together, which is years later after this first time. Que tulen cuentras algo. What was that moment? Do you remember that time?
- [42:58]
Marbella
Yeah, I remember that it was my mom. It was my kids. Of course, I already had the twins and my son Ruben. And I remember we were outside. We lived in Fresno, and we were outside barbecuing. So it was the kids, me, Reuben, and my mom. And I remember we're barbecuing, and my dad supposedly was at work. And I want to say it was a Saturday at that time. He was a manager, a regional manager, so he would work a lot. So I remember que diegordoranco las cuatro de la tarde. And I hear this car. Ta, ta, ta, ta, ta. And it made me, like, look over. Like, we had, like, a wooden fence. And I remember. I looked over and I remember I see my dad kissing the. This lady. Like, like, on the side was a wooden fence.
- [43:49]
Alanized
And that was, like, your first time physically seeing him cheat?
- [43:51]
Marbella
That was our first time physically seeing him cheat. The first time. So I see him and I'm like, good grief. Like, I cannot believe my dad's doing this. And that's when, like, my whole eyes opened. Ilo mireves, ando seco. And I remember, I was like, oh, my God, he's gonna get it. And I go, oh, my God, Reuben, come here, come here, come here. And then Reuben was like, what? And I go, I just seen my dad. Like, I just seen my dad kissing this lady. Like, you know, that noise. It was him. And he goes, no way. Like this. And my mom goes. Because my mom under. My mom's been here since she was, like, 18, so. Ella and tiende ingles. Like, don't ever let her fool you. She understands English. Like, but she understands. And she also worked at a daycare, so. So she goes. She goes. I was like, no. Because I'm like, I do not want my parents breaking up because of me, you know? So I'm like, no, no, no, I'm telling. Or something like that. And. And I go, oh, my God. Like, I was so devastated, cuz I was like a daddy's girl. But at the time, like, yo, I was a woman now So I had kids and like that was a no no to me. So I went in and I was crying. I was like, oh my God, how could he do this to my mom? I felt like he was doing it to me cuz he was breaking up our family. And I remember I had made a salsa and stuff. And I remember I go to the door, he's coming in and I'm going to let him have it. So I go to the door and I go, dad, I just seen what you did right now. Like, like you were over there kissing that lady like. And like he's just like, like I m like I don't know, I don't really remember. Like he was trying to get out of it. Like no, it's not what you think. I'm like what the do you think it's not what I think? Like yes you were like. And my mom, I turn.
- [45:47]
Alanized
What was her reaction?
- [45:48]
Marbella
She's like this and that. And I was like, even if the man's pain, if he's the one that gets caught, you know. Is that how it was?
- [46:09]
Alanized
Yeah, I think it was. Yeah, it was. I think it's. It should always be like that. I think it's always, it should always be.
- [46:23]
Marbella
And I remember also it cuz I remember I kept praying to God like God's going to punish me. Like you know, one of the ten commandments. You're not to like, you know, like you're always supposed to honor your parents. So I was like, I kept praying on that. I remember they fought over it and argued and my mom and my dad. Then later on I found out what.
- [46:51]
Alanized
Was it like for your mom? You know, you're living with your mom at this point. What did you see your mom go through? Like did you see your mom go through like her heartbreak era?
- [47:04]
Marbella
That's when I kind of see my mom being more docile because she had like this horrible attitude like the whole time. And that's when I seen her like she calmed down. Yeah, she was like, oh, like I just lost something. But the whole time I just thought my mom wasn't in love with my dad. Like she did not give a about him. Then I felt like my mom wanted my dad back at that point. I never had seen my mom like that. Like it was always like her in mood like you like she still talks like that. But at that point she went through a time where a point in her life where she wanted my dad back.
- [47:40]
Alanized
At that time you were older, did them divorcing affect you in any way?
- [47:47]
Marbella
I Always wanted my parents together. And that was something that took me years to be able to accept. I always, like, wanted those good times. I always remembered me being little and the good times when I lived in South Central LA and us being united and all my family coming over, and that's what I wanted. So I never was okay with them getting divorced. I didn't want that. But also, there was nothing that I can do because my dad would mess around. So my mom had to make her own choices and I had to stay out of it. So I was never like. Like, don't get divorced. But inside I was always crying. And I went through a really bad time where I felt like back then I needed more therapy because I went through really, really bad depression because of that. I would always cry, like, oh, my parents, like, my dad. Like, I took it really, really bad because I. Maybe because I was, like, the oldest.
- [48:40]
Alanized
Did you feel culpable that you were like, I was the one?
- [48:43]
Marbella
Because I felt like if I, like, hadn't said anything, my mom wouldn't have heard. So I later on found out that my dad was living with this lady. And I kept it from my mom because I did not want them to get a divorce. But I felt like I was also being selfish because I was thinking about myself.
- [49:02]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [49:03]
Marbella
And I wanted them together so bad.
- [49:04]
Alanized
Did you come be with the other lady?
- [49:06]
Marbella
I did, and I really loved her. Her name was Ginger. She was such a good lady. She was so good to my kids always. And I don't know if my kids have talked about her, I think. And she was, like, the best. I have nothing bad to say about her. I only have good things to say about her. She treated my kids like if she was a grandma. She treated me like a daughter. She was so good to my dad. I felt like that's who my dad should have been with because that was his happiness. Like, not even the lady that he was with. Now, like, my dad's not even happy with her.
- [49:36]
Alanized
Que pas? Por que nosan juntos?
- [49:38]
Marbella
Ginger and my dad are no longer together because Ginger ended up passing away from a heart attack. So she passed away in her sleep. And I feel like that was my dad's love right there. And I feel like she was a really good lady. I wish my dad would have ended up with her because that's what made my dad happy. And she was so good to all of us. And she died so young. I think they were in the early 50s when she passed away, or late. Maybe like 49 or around there. Gordo My son was 2 weeks old. And I remember she was a respiratory nurse. And I remember her daughter Stephanie and I were due at the same times. Maybe I went into labor first and then Stephanie or the other way around. But I remember I had just called her and I just said, hey, Ginger. Like, Gordo keeps throwing up. He keeps, like, foaming and throwing up. And she said, oh, he has acid reflux. It's normal. Like, a lot of babies will get this. She was telling me what to do, and we talked for maybe like 15, 20 minutes. And I go, okay, thank you. Like, love you. And I hung up on her. And my dad calls me, like, again, exactly. Maybe like an hour later. And he's like, marby. Like, cuz at home, everybody calls me Marby. So he's like, mija. Like, he was devastated. He's like, marby, like, Ginger just died right now. Like, he couldn't even talk. And I'm like, I thought it was. I was being pranked. And I said, what? I said, no, there's no way spoke to her. So I go, yeah, right. And he goes, yeehaw. No, he starts crying. He's like, she passed away, right now. I'm like, how? He goes, I don't know. The ambulance came and got her, so I thought there was still hope. I'm like, she's gonna get to the hospital and they're gonna bring her back. It's gonna be good. So as I'm trying to get up and get ready and stuff, my dad's like, they pronounced her death, and I couldn't believe it.
- [51:23]
Alanized
Do you feel like that affected you even more than it should have? You know? You know, you have your mom still alive, but you meet this new woman who is now your dad's new wife, essentially your stepmom. Do you feel like to the point where you're like, oh, my God, I felt like I lost my own mom.
- [51:41]
Marbella
I did. Because I felt like she was like that loving mom that I never had. Like, she was so good to me. Like, that's what I've always wanted in a mom, and it was her. So I do feel like it affected me. And I cried and I was. We were all so sad. Even the girls, my son. Everybody was sad when she passed away.
- [51:58]
Alanized
You know, cuentas un poquito that you would kinda, you know, go behind your mom's back and hang out with her and your dad. Was there ever a moment where your mom found out that you were having a relationship with her?
- [52:08]
Marbella
My mom found out that I was having a Relationship with her? I don't know. Somebody told her and I would lie, I would say no because I didn't want to hurt her. But it was just impossible because my sister would go over there and I had to keep an eye on my sister cuz I didn't know how she was at first. I kind of had to see what was going on. But there was also a lot of fights in between when my dad and her moved in together and all this drama. Mama. Her kids would call me and start stuff and then it was like back and forth stuff like you like you bitch and well you too. And they would defend their dad and I would defend my dad.
- [52:46]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [52:47]
Marbella
And it was like this back and forth stuff like we just hated each other. I thought I would never be okay with her and I, I would call her and I would tell her stuff. It's like, you know, you're this, you're that what you did. But then eventually I got to know her and I loved her.
- [53:00]
Alanized
Yeah, so. You're so sweet.
- [53:02]
Marbella
Yeah. So I was like I didn't want to tell mom that cuz I didn't want to hurt her cuz I have to be loyal to my mom. But it was just so hard cuz my sister would go over there and what would I do? And then eventually my daughter started going over there and they loved it and I couldn't keep them away and I got to know her and I think my sister in law, my ex sister in law which was Reuben's sister told.
- [53:21]
Alanized
My mom cuz how did your mom react?
- [53:24]
Marbella
They were like close to my mom too. Reuben's mom passed away when like Reuben was like 18 and and they were young so you know they had like a relationship with my mom. So she's like Ya me dijol Lulu. And I was like oh shit. So I couldn't keep it from her no more and I told her. And you know, the whole time I would make it seem like my dad wasn't living with her because I wanted them because my dad would make it seem like he was going to get back with her. So I wanted my family back. I think that's why I would hold on to my relationship so bad too because I didn't get that. So I wanted that, that you know, like that's the old school way. Like your parents are together and you.
- [54:00]
Alanized
Know like you wanted to make it work because your parents didn't work.
- [54:03]
Marbella
Yeah. And I wanted that so bad and it just didn't work out.
- [54:07]
Alanized
How did your mom react?
- [54:11]
Marbella
She went off on me. She hated me. She's like. It's like, okay, here we go again. Bad relationship all over, you know? And we didn't get along for some time again. And I get it. Like, she was hurt, and I. I understand her, and I give it to her like, I deserve that. She was upset with me for a while, but then eventually she's just like, my poor mom has also learned to accept it. Because then I would talk to her, you know, like, there goes my daughter talking to her. And like. But my mom always knew that it was also because of my sister. And then my dad started taking my daughters, like, on the weekends to be with my sister. What could I do? And then they went to court. You know, like, when you get divorced, you, like, everything goes in. So there was no way of keeping my mom apart from my dad. And I don't think she ever wanted to. But, yeah, it was bad. You know, we went through a hard time. And then she ended up passing away. When she passed away, Gordo was only two weeks, and my dad would come over to my house to cry a lot. And I couldn't do it because I was kind of going through my own postpartum. I couldn't take it. I asked my mom turned Christian because she was going through a bad breakup with my dad. Dad, her neighbor, was Christian, so she kind of wanted to go for that religion, which is fine. As long as you believe in God, that's okay. My sister and I are Catholic, and my mom is Christian.
- [55:31]
Alanized
Okay.
- [55:32]
Marbella
My mom and my dad are actually Christian, so it's okay because we believe in God at the end of the day. But when that happened, I asked my mom if she was a real Christian to forgive my dad. I'm like, if you're really Christian, please forgive my dad, because he needs help right now. My dad started hanging out with my mom a lot. From all that hanging out, my dad started asking my mom to get back to together. But at the same time, my dad always had an affair with this woman. That woman started to come around again. And I knew about that woman because when my dad would get drunk, he would always tell me that I had a sister. So my dad would say, you have a sister. But when he would get drunk, so I would always say, he's just drunk, you know? But as time went by, that started coming up more like, you have a sister. And then I would ask, do I really have a sister? Yes, you do. You might have others out there. So I would think he was playing around, but that would come out more often. Like, you have a sister. You have a sister. And then when he was with Ginger one time we went to the one that used to be his amante.
- [56:31]
Alanized
Tuvicitarla.
- [56:31]
Marbella
Tuvicitarla. I remember that senora. She sent my dad the daughter que tubo. So then later on, my dad was like, yeah, you do have a sister, and I want you to meet her. And. And I think she wanted to get rid of her.
- [56:48]
Alanized
Was that awkward for you?
- [56:55]
Marbella
I was. I was actually happy. Like, oh, my God. Like, because it was only two of us and I always wanted a big family. Like, I always wish I had more siblings. So I always knew I wanted to have a lot of kids.
- [57:05]
Alanized
Like, did you guys get along or no?
- [57:07]
Marbella
Yeah, we did at first when she came, she was like 14. I'm like four or five years older than her, maybe. Yeah, I was really happy about it. And Ginger took her in and everything was good. And one time we went to go visit her once, and that's how I met her. So anyways, Ginger passes away and my dad and my mom become friends. And my dad starts telling my mom, let's get back together. But at the same time, my dad was telling la mante from when I was little girl, let's get back together. I guess my dad and her were like dating when they were like, I think in high school or when in their younger years and they broke up. And this hues of Los Angeles, my dad met my mom and then they married.
- [57:41]
Alanized
Married.
- [57:42]
Marbella
And they ended up from Carpinteria. They ended up moving to Los Angeles and my grandparents lived in Carpeteria. So my dad would go back there to visit them, and that's where she lived. And that's how this other daughter came about.
- [58:29]
Alanized
Do you have a relationship with her now or no?
- [58:32]
Marbella
No, I used to have a relationship with her, but then when my dad. Dad was telling my mom, let's get back together, my mom's like, you know, And I get like, that was, you know, my dad going through a law. Yeah, yeah. So I get it. But my mom would say, no yano te quiero. Like, we'll see. At the same time from back then, like, let's get together. Let's get together. So, like, yeah. And my dad's like, it's too late.
- [59:12]
Alanized
You had your chance.
- [59:14]
Marbella
Yeah. Literally, my dad was like, and I made up my mind. And it's kind, you guys, it's kind of like fair game. But at the same time, it's up that you were doing that because. Because.
- [59:30]
Alanized
Because he was Playing with both of them at the same time.
- [59:32]
Marbella
He was playing with both of them. So, like, I'm like, dude, that's up. Like, if that's your bestie, you're gonna be like, oh, no, amiga. Like. Like, f him, you know?
- [59:41]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [59:41]
Marbella
I told my dad, I will not tell my mom that I gotta convince my mom to talk to you.
- [59:48]
Alanized
So you found out that he chose the other one first before your mom.
- [59:52]
Marbella
Yeah, so my dad and I had to tell my mom because I felt bad for her. And I'm like. Like, I'm not gonna put her through what I. You know, with Ginger Canola. I'm like, I'm not doing that no more. That didn't work. So, you know what, mom? This is what my dad did. And I was like, you know, mama, like, she's, like, the worst. So she goes after him, and she. That's why she hates him even more.
- [60:14]
Alanized
Because she was like, I was giving you a chance.
- [60:22]
Marbella
You know? Like, so, you know, as I got older, I understood so much from my mom. So, like, I got to understand why my mom was the way she was. Like, like, aura. I don't blame her because now I'm like, my mom was just miserable with my daddy because I was there. I want to say, quesquitaba con migo. Ye la ve. No, because monkey see, monkey do. I kind of would. Like, I was not in a good relationship with the girl's dad, and maybe I wasn't a good mom either, you know, so you're going through something bad. And unfortunately, like, if you're not that strong person, because you could be a woman or a man nowadays, but if you're not strong, like, you let them take over you and you go down, you know? So now I understand my mom and stuff. And, you know, like, because it gets nowhere, I just like, okay, I get it, you know, or my mom and.
- [61:13]
Alanized
I just feel like, you, too, tu tas con. You know, you were trying to be there for your mom, even though you're. Your guys's relationship wasn't great, but then you were also like, oh, my God, my dad's up. But this is my dad, who's always been a great dad.
- [61:27]
Marbella
Like.
- [61:31]
Alanized
So it was. I'm sure it was, like, a very confusing time for Yobia con mama is so different now. You know, where do you feel like your guys's relationship started shifting? Was there, like, a moment or two, something that happened to where you're like, you know what? Like, Alfindo Diaz, mi mama, she's gone through A lot.
- [61:53]
Marbella
I feel like, oh, you guys. When people come and they're like, oh, you're ugly, you're this, you're that. You're family. Like, you guys, I'm like, girl, there's nothing you can do that'll take me down. My mom is like, my worst critic. Like, my mom will be like, I remember this one time I had just had. And he was probably, like, a year old. And I wasn't with Cordo's dad at the time. And I remember I was talking to this correctional officer because I used to work at Fresno Community Hospital. And I remember my mom is so freaking mean. My mom was like, that I was talking to him, and my mom was like. She's like. Like, no te quere elo queja con hos. And I remember I was like. And I would tell my sister, because my sister was in high school, and my sister was always like, you know, like, no, sister. My mom, that was like her main vocabulary right there. That word, like, puta, puta, patodo, puta, puta. I remember one time I was living in Sacramento already, and I remember my sister called me crying, and she says, marpez. Like, my mom, I just got in a fight with her. She said that you and I were putas. And I was like, I'm so used to this, like, girl. I'm like, she can't bring me down no more. Get used to it. And I go put my mom on the phone, and I was like, mom? And she's like. And I'm like, for my mom, everything. I remember, Gordo was a couple of months old, and I had gone out with my friends. And I remember my sister decided to babysit. She's like, yeah, babysit. Go. You need a break? And I went out, and I remember my mom called me, and she goes, monique. And she goes. And I would go to Bakersfield to party.
- [64:10]
Alanized
Okay.
- [64:10]
Marbella
There used to be.
- [64:11]
Alanized
That would be a drive.
- [64:12]
Marbella
Yeah, it was like an hour and something to go from Fresno to Bakersfield. There was a club back then. It was called La Movida. I don't think it's there no more. But I would go to that club sometimes. I wouldn't. Like, I had just had Cordoba. So I remember Gordo was already, like, maybe, like, seven months or whatever. And my mom just like, whatever. And I remember on the way, I was crying because it's like, dude, she's never gonna change. Like, she's always gonna be like this little, like, evil lady, you know? But even though my mom has always been this way with me. And I kind of was like, dude, I can't stand her. She's so evil. And I would always call me Dale. Like, me. My mom, she's just like, she's so evil. And my dad would be like, yeah, mi. I don't know what I was thinking when I gave you that, mom. You know, I would always cry to my dad that my mom was like this. We've always known. My mom has never been affectionate. She's never been affectionate to us. So my dad would always. That was his number one complaint. Like, your mom has never been affectionate. This is why, Nico, because. So I remember me. Vine para Los Angeles. And. And, yo siempre. Even though I would always check up on my mom, like, even though she was, you know, like, those relationships. And you're like, I want you.
- [65:23]
Alanized
Like, the trauma bond.
- [65:29]
Marbella
I'm not even, like, religious. I'm just. I just have my own bond with God. And even though she treats me like this, like, I'm not, like, checking up on her. Yeah. She's still my mom at the end of the day. And, like, I've always checked up on her like, hey, mom, we've had good times and bad times. When I got pregnant with Gordo, that was another thing. Pichi puta, like, otrades cabrona. Like, she didn't want me to have Gordo. And, like, you know, all that. Like, every. Like, the whole family knows about that. Like, I was a black sheep of the family. Los Angeles. I would still check up on my mom and stuff, so un dia me, they say, oh, you know. And I was like. And they live in east la. So I said, okay, actually in Boyle Heights. So I go, okay, I'll go pick you up. So that night, I went to go see my mom. I go that Friday, and I see my mom, and she's all bruised up, and I'm like, what the heck happened? And she's like. And she's making no sense. And I was like. And Gordo was little back then. He was like 8 or 9. I'm like, Gordo, do you see mama? Like, she's not making no sense. And she was, like, really quiet. I see her like a changed woman. She's not acting normal. I'm like, dude, she's acting weird. So the next day, I go back and I pick her up. So I remember that night I told Gordo, I'm worried about mama. Like, she's acting so weird and different. Like. And then Gordo was like, yeah, I guess a little like, So I go take her to the airport, I park, I get off, and I tell this lady like she did not know what she was talking about. And then I didn't hear for her from her for like a whole month. And I would call her, no me Contestada. And they would be like, she's not there, nothing. So finally like a month later, my uncle calls me, he's like, miha, tequila. It was my aunt Concha. I love my. She's like strokes. I would see her in the picture. So I'm like, oh my God. Like I started putting two and two together. She was no. So she was getting therapy. Like, I can't believe my family was so ignorant to not tell me like that. Just, that's not the way it works with me. Like, so I should have been the first one to know or not the first one, but we should have been contacted about what happened, you know, so. No, no, because they didn't want to stress us out. So I was so upset at my family. And she got therapy up there for like two months. And finally they send her back and I go for her and my aunt to the airport and she comes out in a wheelchair and she couldn't walk. Her mouth was crooked. I didn't know what to do with her. I remember I worked for a durable medical equipment supplier, a DME company. And that's what they do. It's for people for you guys that don't know, that's for people that are like disabled people that can't walk. Wheelchairs, beds, you know, shower chairs. That's what we do. I remember asked for a couple of days off. Well, I thought it was going to be one day. And that job was like the best. Shout out to my ex manager. I love her so much. She was like the best. Her name was Jeanette. She was like the best. Best for everything. She was. She was so good to me. I will never have a job like that again. But I took her to the hospital and they told me that she had had several strokes. That's why she was semi stable. No, no, no, no. I think it was. I don't remember if it was a writer that left, but she couldn't move that. The doctor told me, I think when you write with the right or whatever, your brain works with that to that left. So if you're a left, it goes to the right. She was like bad. And I couldn't get the help. I didn't know the resources on getting the help that I needed. I didn't get in home support Services, I didn't get nothing. So I remember my Nina, which is my aunt, my mom's sister. She would help pay so my two cousins could take care of her while I would go to work. So once my life kind of got on a pause when I moved to la, because then when Gordo and me would get home from when I would get home from work, like I would go pick up Gordo at the after school program and then I would rush home and then I would have to take care of my mom. And like she would use diapers back then. She would poop and I would have to change her. So it was like she was a little girl with the strokes. She got herself on like this good diet. Lost so much weight, everything she was to going, going to therapy, everything. She lost so much weight. And like that changed my mom. Like I guess she realized like, you know, like she almost died and what had happened and like Hill is disabled.
- [70:32]
Alanized
Did you ever think, like, you know what, like, my mom doesn't even love me. Why am I like putting my life on hold to tend her? What was your mindset at the beginning? Like, my mom sino me tina, mi no tiena nadi.
- [70:47]
Marbella
I never thought about that. I just knew that I always had to take care of her because that's the way I was brought up, you know, Like I was brought up with fear of God. So I knew that I had to take care of my mom. There was no ifs or buts. And I remember Gordo would help me change her. I remember we didn't even. I never wanted to tell my work, like I need this or that. So I would just keep it a secret. And I remember that se me Camano, those gloves. And I would use like the plastic bags from the grocery store, like when you go get the bags. And I would have to like. Cuz adult poop really stinks.
- [71:21]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [71:21]
Marbella
And I would have to like change her.
- [71:23]
Alanized
I'm like, yeah, yeah. I don't go.
- [71:26]
Marbella
Would have to help me. Like Gordo was little back then, so he would help me. And there was no ifs or buts about it. Like she was just there. And that's how my mom ended up with me. Because who was going to take care of my mom? You know, like it's only my sister and I. And I ended up taking over cuz I was the oldest one. As time went by, my mom strokes and she couldn't walk right. She has to use a cane because she's not stable. And then she stopped. My mom's very stubborn. So she stopped going to therapies. But I always say that God put her in my life for a reason so we can build a relationship. Like, I had to forgive my mom. I had to forgive my mom in so many ways. I hate talking about this, but I had to forgive my mom in so many ways because I feel like nobody had to tell me to become a daughter. I just knew that I had to be there for her because there was nobody there. And you know, my mom still would. She wouldn't be mom if she wouldn't say puta this or puta that, you know? But I have forgiven my mom. And I don't talk about it because. Because there's no sense of me bringing it up. And we're just gonna fight because to her, she will always say that it's cuz I was rebellious. But the reason why I was rebellious was because she used to beat my ass.
- [72:42]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [72:42]
Marbella
Or she was always like fighting with my dad. So of course I was rebellious. Like when she had my sister, she went through like postpartum depression really bad. And she would just never get up from bed. So she was always depressed and I would always just never want to hear. It was always depression with her. Like always, always, always, always. And she just. I felt like she just didn't care about me. So, you know, after that I just knew that when my mom came to live with me and the whole strokes came around, I just. She started changing on her own. Like little by little. Maybe she started realizing, like, dude, I have nobody but her right now.
- [73:19]
Alanized
So like, did she ever like, apologize? She did in that moment.
- [73:23]
Marbella
Not in that moment, but she has apologized when we talk about it. And I hate bringing it up because I know she's sorry. Sorry, you know, like, I know she feels bad and I hate like torturing her with that, like, oh, you're such a bad mommy did that. Like, I know deep down inside she's sorry. And why bring it up to her? Like, yeah, she's changed. And like, don't get me wrong, you guys like living with the. Just like not only because my mom is disabled. It's not even that living with an older person, they get. They're so stubborn and they go back to like being kids. Kids. So sometimes I'm like, oh my God, like, it has nothing to do with like my childhood or anything. It's just that she's so stubborn. I'm like, today I'm just gonna, I'm gonna lose it.
- [74:05]
Alanized
You're like, I need patience, I need God.
- [74:06]
Marbella
I pray to God, to give me patience because it's horrible, but I would. I don't see myself ever putting her in a home or my dad. Like, even if I stay single for the rest of my life, it's okay. But I do not see myself, myself putting my parents in a home. I feel like if my parents need me, then if this is what's my life and this is what's meant for me to be single forever, then this is what it's going to be.
- [74:28]
Alanized
If you would be able to have mama in front of you, what would be something that, you know. Yeah. What would be something that you'd like to tell your mom at this moment?
- [74:39]
Marbella
I just wish that she would take accountability. Like, I just wish she would be like, you know what, mija? I'm sorry, but she never wants to take accountability for what she did. So I just wish she would say that. Like, she has said, like, I'm sorry I wasn't a good mom. It's because, you know, Miss, like. Because she's very dry. But that's her way of saying she's sorry. And, you know, later on, I found out that both my grandparents were orphans. Like, not really, like, 100% orphans, but, like, my grandpa's mom passed away, you know, back in the day. Like, you would give birth after you give birth. Like, I don't know why it was a thing back then. My mom says that back in the day, if somebody passed away, it was bad if you had just gave birth or if you were in your menstrual. So my grandma had just gave birth because, you know, she was on her menstrual, and she would be like, tengo queir and give me grandpa. And she went. And it was raining, and she ended up dying from that. She ended up dying. So my grandpa, newborn. I remember my grandpa used to love him so much. I remember, like, hey, cabronas palabras.
- [76:17]
Alanized
He wasn't present emotionally.
- [76:19]
Marbella
He was dry. So I see, like, the pattern, you know? And then my grandma. I forgot who was it that passed away, but. And they remarried the same thing. So my grandma was more like la bocona. Like, hi, cabrona. Like, I give it wentza. Like, you know, so that's where my mom gets it from my grandma. Because my grandma. We've always known my grandma, when I moved to la, when my cousin's like, hey, Like, I don't know if I should talk about this, but my grandma wasn't the nicest. They're like, oh, no, she wasn't. Like, we all are on the same page about my grandma. And that's where my mom gets it from.
- [77:00]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [77:00]
Marbella
So I kind of rubs off because I wasn't like the best mom either because I learned that from my mom.
- [77:06]
Alanized
Carried on like ob that you feel like you weren't a great mom. What do you think were traits that you carried on that growing up? You're like, when I grew up I don't want to be like that. But you ended up being like that.
- [77:17]
Marbella
Like for instance, my mom wouldn't let me wear makeup till I was 15. So I was like, well my mom didn't do that. So I wouldn't let the girls. I'm like, or for instance I. No boyfriends, no nothing. Just like me being so strict because my mom was so strict. I did that because I, I thought that was the right way of being a mom. I thought that's what I was supposed to do. And I got pregnant like when I was 15 or 16. So I thought that was how I was supposed to be.
- [77:44]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [77:45]
Marbella
And then like my mom would be like or this and this and that. I remember when Brittney got pregnant the second time my mom said pacala wine like toma. Like and I'm like you little backstabber. Like that's not the way you were with me, you know. But then you know, like I said, my mom has changed a lot. Like she's not like you guys. She's don't think that that's a relationship. Me and my mom have like I hate my mom now or whatever. No, my mom has totally changed. She's. My mom helped me raise all my kids. If it wouldn't have been for my mom and my dad, I wouldn't be where I am at now. My mom, mom has definitely changed in so like to the girls like and all that. Cuz those are whole ways and you.
- [78:31]
Alanized
Just take it as like jokes now.
- [78:32]
Marbella
But I take it as jokes now. Yeah. Like I don't, I don't take it personal no more cuz I have friends that my like one of my best friends will say my mom. And I'm like girl I wish my mom called me a mess. Like that's nothing. I can take anything because you know my mom has been really hard on us.
- [79:00]
Alanized
Of you meeting your first baby daddy. How did you meet the twins dad who made the first move? Icomo de askuenta.
- [79:11]
Marbella
I had just moved from, from LA to Fresno and I got to. I used to go to Roosevelt Roosevelt High School. And I remember I met Reuben and I think what I Read. From what I remember, they were trying to. This guy was trying to hook up with me and I was like. I was like, not into him. And I remember the twins dad used to like him. And I remember he would always like, make fun of me. Pasava, elike, whatever. And I used to ditch. And I used to go to the library. I just. And he would sit down next to me and he would start like, you know. Yeah. He would chop it up with me and ay, SEO pona platicar conmigo and nos aplaticar and no sisimos really good friends after that. And we would hang out all the time and yasin peso no sismos novios. Since I would have a lot of problems at home, I would always cry to him, el savia, like, what was going on? And I would always cry to him like, my parents, or like, my mom hit me or I'm gonna run away. Because my mom would tell me, like, you know, typical Hispanic household, my mom didn't like him. And he would come. He had a sister in Fresno. But I was 15 at the time, you guys. And my boyfriend, you're not going to believe this. He was like 21. Oh my God, if you're over 18, you're going to go to jail. Like for my parents, if he was older, it wasn't like that bad. So it wasn't like a big deal. But I did tell my parents he was like 19. And my parents are like, my dad's like, he doesn't look like he's 19. It was a lot, a long distance relationship. It wasn't gonna work. I remember I met Ruben and I started talking to Ruben and Ruben all the time. Then I remember. I guess maybe that's why my mom didn't like Ruben. Ruben, because, you know, like, she liked the other guy. He was more responsible. He had a house, everything. It was Ruben at El Nino. You know, I remember one time I went to the movies and I took my little sister Mo. At that time, I was 15, and Mo was like. She was like 4 or 5 years old. And I remember when we came out of the movies, the car was gone, Reuben's car was gone.
- [81:46]
Alanized
They stole it or what?
- [81:47]
Marbella
They stole it.
- [81:49]
Alanized
Oh, my God.
- [81:53]
Marbella
For you. So we went to the movies and I forgot what movie we took my sister to go see. Pero salimos y el carrilla nostava that stole the car. So I remember he called his mom and I remember, I think it was like his mom and the dad and they came to Picasso me And my sister. And we went back to his house, and that's how I met his family. And it was so funny. It was gone. He was like. He was going through it. Like, oh, my God. I stopped the car or whatever. It had rims on it. I remember back in the day, Susavan these rims called, I think, Dayton's or something like that. It was a Cutlass Supreme.
- [82:33]
Alanized
Okay.
- [82:33]
Marbella
So back in the days, it was like.
- [82:35]
Alanized
So he had a nice car, like.
- [82:36]
Marbella
Back in the day. Yeah, like, the Cutlass supreme with D. It was like, o. You were big and bad back then. So my mom was like, like, all that. She didn't like that. So, like, oh, like me, mama like me or this. And I would cry. Like, my parents. Like, I was always so worried about my parents. Like, that was my main concern all the time, so. But I used to love my sister. She was like my baby. So, Ruben conmigo. Yvete con Migo. Okay, I'm gonna pick you up today. My mom would piss me off today. Like, me. And I would be like. Like, ruben, my mom. And then he would be like, I'm gonna go pick you up. And I would say, okay. I'll be like, no, never mind. Like, normal way I eat, you know? Yeah. See? And I remember one day for Valentine's Day, there used to be, like, this little store that everybody would love to go to right there in Fresno. It was called, I think, like, the knickknack store or something like that. Like, Tangrandotel Global. Like, it had a net over it with a big old basket with a teddy bear in there. And I remember Lulu because I love Lulu. Like his sister. We're, like, still so close. Like, she's always like, you're always going to be my Kunies. And I'm like, you're always going to be my Kunis. Like, we have such a good relationship, her and I. And I was so embarrassed. Like, oh, my God, I'm having to carry this. Everybody's looking at me at school like, oh, like, this is so embarrassing. You know, my parents seen that. Like, super big teddy bears, flowers, candies inside. And my dad was not having it. My dad's like, how did he get money to buy you this? And my mom's like, like, how? I'm like, I don't know. Like, I didn't. I wouldn't think of stuff like that.
- [84:31]
Alanized
Like, I just. I'm thinking that he got me this.
- [84:33]
Marbella
Yeah. Like, he got me this. And, like, I don't know know, like, his parents you know, gave him money, whatever. So my dad's like. Like there was concerns or whatever. We went back to the same. I was crying really bad, and I had. Had it with her. Even if we. He's like, I'm going to pick you up. Like, we're done. Cuz he's like, your mom's always hitting you. You're always crying like, cava. Like, siempre. Like, my mom, like. Like, siempre, siempre, siempre, siempre, siempre. Like, it was always my mom, my mom, my mom, my parents. Of course my dad had something to do with. Can he contribute to why my mom was upset, you know, and it was always us fighting, and I just couldn't take it no more. So, you know. You know, my. Yeah, I. I wasn't. You were just trying to, like, 15. I didn't know. Like, when you're 15, you don't know what life. I was trying to run away from my problems.
- [85:33]
Alanized
When did you find out you were pregnant? Like, how soon?
- [85:35]
Marbella
So I started working at McDonald's, like, to work at McDonald's. And I remember I had messed up my foot. And they had to get a doctor's notes. I go to the doctor, and they started doing all these tests, and they're like, you're not pregnant, are you? Are you sexually active? I'm like, yeah, but I'm not pregnant. And I remember they had called. I guess they called the cops on me. I just knew they had. I just, you know, my dad said, please, Miha, don't get pregnant, whatever you do. My mom said. And I said, no, no, I'm not gonna get married. Because I kind of knew that I had messed up.
- [86:11]
Alanized
And you were 15, too? Yeah.
- [86:12]
Marbella
Yeah. So I'm like, no. So my dad. And I was like. I was like, sure, you know? But I go to the doctor, and they had to do these tests on me because my foot was messed up. And then the next day, I started feeling sick. He took me off for like a week. Week. And then the next day, and I'm throwing up and throwing up and throwing up, and I'm like, what is going on? You know, I'm like, is it the medicine they gave me or what? So they call me and I go to give me my test results, and they tell me that you're. You tested positive, you're pregnant. And I'm like, oh, my God, my dad's going to kill me. Like, I keep messing up.
- [86:53]
Alanized
Yeah, you're like, fine.
- [86:55]
Marbella
Yeah. Pastillas.
- [86:58]
Alanized
Like, yeah.
- [87:00]
Marbella
So, like, Like, I'm not trying to put that as an excuse, but back then was more furious now. It was really the biggest puta ever.
- [87:19]
Alanized
How did you tell her? Did she talk to you afterwards? Like, I miha yose. Like, what was that like? Did she stop talking to you even more?
- [87:33]
Marbella
No, no, she just never talked to me. And then it was funny because I find out I'm pregnant with twins and stuff. You know, I was really sick throughout my whole pregnancy, like, always vomiting, I was dizzy, I couldn't get up. They put me on bed rest. I had all these complications. And then. And like I said, I had high blood pressure, which comes with toxemia. Has something to do with high blood pressure. When I gave birth, I had preeclampsia. I had it all. So I had to be on bed rest all my pregnancy. And so I couldn't take it no more. They had induced my labor at eight months, and I had seizures when I gave birth. I had Brianna first. It took me a whole hour to have Brittany. And then, like, right after I pushed for the placenta, I had a seizure. And I had a couple of seizures after. What made it worse is that I was retaining a lot of water. I remember I told Reuben, I'm thirsty. Like, please no me lavan de tomar. So they said, you can't drink water. And I felt so thirsty, I was desperate for water in nada. And they said you could have ice chips. But those first days, nada. You couldn't even have ice chips. They said I was retaining a lot of water. I was so desperate. You just don't know what it's like to be thirsty like that. I begged Reuben for. For water. And he goes, I can't. There's nowhere for me to get you water. So I said, go downstairs to the cafeteria and get me a soda and sneak it in your pants. And he's like, no, I can. I'm like, yes, you could. Oh, you either do that or that's it. We're done. I was desperate. I was bribing him in every way. So he goes, y metray la soda. He snuck it in his pants. Mountain Dew. I hate Mountain Dew. And nopos and two sips Meto Metodon can the Mountain Dew. And right after that, I had seizures. Seizures. He's like, he always tells the girls, no, baby girl, I seen your. Your mom. She started shaking after that. And the doctor told me what. Like, you know what happened? He's like, I gave her a soda. And he goes, no, baby, that she got the Seizures and that she could stay like Malita and all that. He goes, I was gonna run with you guys in Libra. Like, I was like, damn. Like, you know. Yeah. Like I. I was in the hospital for like over a week. I just wanted to go home already. They keep coming in. They press on your stomach. They had me on drugs. I felt like I was so high when I would go back to Kaiser. Cuz I remember that was the first day Kaiser opened in Fresno. It was another girl and me. And they kept trying to rush me, like I was going to break it. Like the first girl giving birth with twins, you know. So the other girl was just a single pregnancy and me twins, no se medio. The other girl gave birth first. And my girls were the first girls born at the hospital. So I had to go back for something. And the nurses would make fun of me. Like, I remember you kept saying, I feel like I'm in the clouds. I feel like it's not me because I was so high on drugs because of the seizures. I think they were giving me. Me like morphine. So I was out of it. I. I don't like drugs. That's not my thing. And so that's how I got pregnant and I ended up with Ruben, you.
- [90:47]
Alanized
Know, Nos cuentas un poquito de durantempoto Mama.
- [90:51]
Marbella
How.
- [90:51]
Alanized
How long after you gave birth did she go without talking to you? And what was the moment where you guys started having, like, a relationship again?
- [91:00]
Marbella
Reuben and I would fight a lot. We were only 15. Seen because my dad's family lived over there would always be like, no, no, no. I think I had gotten into that pattern of running away.
- [91:17]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [91:24]
Marbella
I'm not like, babe, no, don't kick me out or whatever, y' all know, just in my boy, like, I'll leave and he would kick me out. I remember because like I said back in the day, it was an embarrassment if you weren't married and you got pregnant. Times have changed so much now. But back in my time, that was something that was really bad. If you weren't. If you weren't married, did that affect.
- [91:59]
Alanized
You in any way?
- [92:04]
Marbella
I was sad because I thought maybe my dad told her, like, I had preeclampsia, I had toxemia. Like, now I hear so many girls of that dying, and I'm like, dios mio. Like, no fue mitiempo porque no memori. You know, I didn't. Like, I. I hear so many girls of that dying now. It was. It wasn't my time. I Don't know. No, she didn't. She was a really hard person. See like now she's a great, great. She's a really good grandma. She loves the kids so much. I'm so happy. My mom has, you know, changed so much. We were really young, young. And I would be like well I'm leaving in Pacaba Miscos. So my mother in law, I was trying to leave but cuz he would kick me out una vera and like briefly seen the girls and stuff. The girls must have been like four or five months. That's when she first met them. And she's like all that, you have to live with this. She started kind of talking to me but I still couldn't visit her. But I was able to call her. So I would call her mama and this and this night and she would tell me like I would just stay quiet. She had to go out there like maybe like two, three times. And so she got to the point where she seen like how I was living in medicine and that's it. So I remember this one time, Ruben and me like I caught him cheating. I left, I told, I caught my dad crying. My dad goes and like that's what I mean about my dad, you know.
- [94:01]
Alanized
Like he was always there supporting.
- [94:02]
Marbella
He was always there supporting me. I remember I had like I said I had got pneumonia two times. The twins were like a month around there like a month and a half. Imi Papa I would, I called him crying. I felt so sick and my dad went over there cuz I couldn't even walk. He took me to Kaiser and then like maybe like three times I got really sick but two times I got pneumonia to the hospital.
- [94:29]
Alanized
How did you guys come up with the names Britney La Briana? Iconic. How did that come to be?
- [94:35]
Marbella
When I found out I was pregnant, I was going to have girls. I started like thinking of names and I wanted a Brianna. I was like oh, I want a Brianna. Like I like that name. Like I want Brianna Briana. And I will. I know it wasn't like your regular Mexican name because I grew up very old school like Maria or Carmen or you know, something like that. But I wanted to change it up so I really wanted Brianna. So then I tell Ruben and he couldn't think of a name. I remember one time he goes what about Britney? And I go yeah, like I like that name. And he's like ah. But the little girl in front, the neighbor, she got ran over and her name was Britney. I mean we were so young, you know, so he was like Ah, it's bad luck. I don't want to name her Britney.
- [95:23]
Alanized
Is that gonna happen to my daughter?
- [95:24]
Marbella
Yeah, like I don't want to name her that, but yeah, once we had gave birth, he never came up with the name. I leave that up to you. So he's like, I can't think of something. What about Britney? And I'm like, yeah, it rhymes. Britney, Brianna. I was like, that's fine, I like Britney. Yeah, you know, I always liked Britney. So that's when I was like, yeah, that's fine. Britney.
- [95:41]
Alanized
You become a first time mom and with twins, which is do el cargo. What was it like at the beginning? You know, was it hard to adjust to this new life of yours? Like, oh, like I'm 15, 16 now I have the response responsibility of two infants. What was it like for you being a teen mom and what do you feel like were the hardest things to overcome when it came down to being a teen mom?
- [96:04]
Marbella
My big struggles that I had when I came home with the girls, I was out for like a week and a half asleep with all the medication they were giving me and stuff. So when I come home with the girls, I am so depressed. I am so depressed. I'm thinking so many things are going through my head, head. Don't get me wrong, I felt like I, I felt that I loved the girls and I, you know what, you guys, I never talked about this because I was ashamed to talk about this because I didn't have nobody to guide me. I didn't have my mom there. My, my mother in law never told me. So I didn't know what I was feeling. But I wanted to knock on my mom's door and leave her the twins and run. I had postpartum depression and it was so bad, like it was the worst. And I would never tell nobody because I was embarrassed because nobody ever told me that existed. So I didn't know. So I wouldn't talk about it. And I was ashamed of myself for thinking what I would think. I never felt. I never had postpartum where I wanted to hurt my daughters. It was never that way. I just felt like, why did I get pregnant? Why did I do this? I don't want this. That's how I felt.
- [97:14]
Alanized
You just felt like emotionally disattached from.
- [97:16]
Marbella
Yes. I don't know also if it had to do with. Because I was out for like a week. But when I would wake up I would be like, how are my daughters? I haven't even seen them. They would give me more drugs and I would go back to sleep because they couldn't give me water. I was so thirsty. I was just suffering Jaco nosias. They let me have ice chips. I would have. So I was embarrassed. Never did I tell Reuben, hey, you know what? I had postpartum. Them it took me. I barely started talking about this to my mom. Like, barely. Like, a couple of years ago, into the girls, I was like, you guys, you know, when I. I was like. Because I started seeing. Now it's so open. When I see that, I'm like, oh. And like, oh, if you have postpartum and you need help and this and that. And then when they. People talk about it now, I'm like, I had that.
- [98:06]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [98:06]
Marbella
Like, I was just depressed. Like, my body rejected that.
- [98:10]
Alanized
Like, at that moment, you thought you were the only one feeling that way.
- [98:12]
Marbella
Yeah, I was like, how can I reject. Reject my daughters? I'm such a bad. I'm going to hell because I'm rejecting them.
- [98:18]
Alanized
You're like, I'm worse than my mom.
- [98:20]
Marbella
Yeah, yeah. Like, mom, you know, like, you're like. But it wasn't like, I want to hurt my daughters. It's like, I don't want them. Like, I want to go to sleep. I want to, like, go back to my normal life. Like, my body was rejecting.
- [98:39]
Alanized
That was your baby daddy, you know, helpful in the sense of, like, you do you feel like that contributed a little bit to you feeling that way because you felt like everything fell on you.
- [98:50]
Marbella
It did. And especially, like, this is all these things that I tell the girls, like, like, the guy should also help. There's no reason. Like, in my times, you guys, like, I have friends. San and their husbands are so good. And I'm like, dude. So I always, always Joles and daughters. It should be 50. 50, sure. You could clean and cook and feed your husband and everything. There's no reason, right?
- [99:27]
Alanized
Yeah, I. I 100 agree. I feel like two incomes. But I feel like a lot of men, they go to work, come back, and they're like, I'm clocked out.
- [99:44]
Marbella
Because stress on the wife.
- [99:47]
Alanized
Like, you want her to work, take care of the kids, clean the house.
- [99:49]
Marbella
And feed you and be a mom and all that. And, you know, like, it's too much like, we're super moms, I swear. Like, there's no reason why Los Estabian. You could. Like, there's no reason why. Because Britney loves to cook. Brianna loves to cook. Also. Brianna loves to make breakfast. Like, that's her thing. Britney loves to make dinners. So las dosas and todo que no que. And my relationships, yeah, like, Ruben was a lot like that. And my mother in law expected me to cook and clean and do everything. And I still had to take care of the twins. And the only time Reuben would help me with the girls was if he wanted to eat. So if I had to cook for him, he had to hold the girls, and then that was my break. But I was cooking.
- [100:48]
Alanized
Yeah. Like, it wasn't really like you were getting a break. How was your guys's relationship during that time overall? Do you feel like ovia mente nos cuentas that he really wasn't of help, you know, physically with the twins? Do you feel like, at least for the most part, do you feel like you're guys. Guys relationship was like, in a good stance or was there, like, cheating? Was there him going out and leaving you alone with the kids? What was that like in terms of relationship?
- [101:12]
Marbella
There was always him cheating. It was always like, I found out about so many women throughout the relationship. He would always leave. He was never at home. Like, one time we had a really, really bad fight, Ruben and I. And I called my dad, and he's like, you could come, mija. IME fui. My mom was like, yeah, right? And like the whole thing. Yeah. And, you know, she got to like Reuben and stuff. Ruben and I got our own place because I wouldn't say much. When we would break up, Reuben would go to my mom and cry to my mom that I didn't want to be with him no more. And my mom would make me go back with him because he was a father that I had. I had to stay with him where.
- [102:20]
Alanized
Your baby daddy or he kind of go paint a different story of why you guys.
- [102:26]
Marbella
He would paint a different story. But sometime I was living with my mom, with Ruben ended up coming to live with me because I was like, I'm not going back with you. And then he just started spending the night. And my mom just kind of like gave up. And my mom would see that he wouldn't come home, but she wouldn't care because like I said back then, we would have to deal with that stuff. According to my mom, she dealt with.
- [102:46]
Alanized
That with your dad? Yeah.
- [102:47]
Marbella
My mom expected me. And I'm not saying that this is for everybody my age, because it wasn't like some of you guys had like a mom that was like, no, mija, I don't want you putting up with what I put up with. But my mom was like, if I dealt with it, you have to deal with it, too. And this is what you chose. So ni modo t haz. So I don't know why I was so dumb. Maybe because I just wanted my mom to love me, that I would be like, okay, and I would accept it.
- [103:13]
Alanized
Was there, like, a specific moment or, like, a specific cheating that it really broke your heart?
- [103:19]
Marbella
Yeah. Rupen always cheated on me. There was so many times. And I know, like, you guys are thinking, like, you're so stupid. You deserve that for staying. I was. I was so dumb. Like, now I think, like, no girl has to deal with that. Nobody should put up with that. But there was this one girl that he always cheated on me with. And I'm not gonna say her name, but I know her. We later on talked. I'll explain that right now. But he always cheated on me with that one girl. And that one girl would always say, leave her and come to me. And he would always say, no, I can't. Well, this is according to what Ruben tells me. Like. Like, I'm never going to leave my family. Later on with time, like, when Reuben and I started doing YouTube together, I ended up talking to her, and she ended up apologizing to me because Ruben kept on with her.
- [104:02]
Alanized
Yeah. Like, even after you guys.
- [104:04]
Marbella
Yeah. When we're doing YouTube, he was still talking to her. See, when I was pregnant with my son Reuben, with little Reuben, she called me, and she's the one that told me that Amante that she was with Reuben and that she was messing around with him and that she wanted me to know that she had just been with him and I was pregnant.
- [104:23]
Alanized
Like, the Escarada vibes.
- [104:25]
Marbella
Yeah.
- [104:25]
Alanized
She's like, I know he's sleeping with you, but he was with me last night.
- [104:28]
Marbella
But he tells me that he doesn't want to be with you. He wants to be with me. And I just want to let you know, like, I just want to let you know he was just with me right now, and it made sense.
- [104:38]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [104:38]
Marbella
And I remember I would cry and, like, I would go off and we would fight. She even, like, one time, I remember that back then, Susava, like, these boxes that you. They were, like, chipped, and you would be able to watch, like, all the cable channels. And I remember Reuben had got that for us. And she even caught the cops on me for that. And I almost went to jail for that.
- [104:57]
Alanized
Oh, yes. Because they were, like, illegal.
- [104:59]
Marbella
It was like you were stealing the cable. And I remember you would go. You would just push. And I remember she called. She told me she was gonna do that. And she did it. So I had me some mucho danyo. In a lot of ways, he just would never stop cheating. And I. I was not happy with him no more. And I was mentally checked out. I didn't love him anymore. I was mentally checked out. I don't want to be with him no more. I tried to leave him a lot of times, and my parents would make me go back. And I had a talk with my dad and I said, I'm not going to let you interfere. I'm not happy. Like, I'm miserable. And I remember crying to my dad and my dad was hugging me and no mediconada. He just said. I remember I told my mom the same thing. Like, living in fear, always being with Reuben because he was always in and out of jail and my life was miserable. I was always in fear. So I would take that. Like, that's what I had to do. And so I couldn't take it no more. So I. Once he went to jail, I said, this is my time to leave. Leave. Because I would leave him and he would not leave me alone. You're never going to leave me. And he wouldn't leave. He would stay outside of the house and he just wouldn't leave.
- [106:15]
Alanized
How was it, like, co parenting? Would you take the kids to jail, like, to visit?
- [106:23]
Marbella
At first I was. Yeah, I told the. I told the kids I never lied. And I told them where their dad was at. And they knew, like, I would take the kids to go visit their tia Lulu, like, so they would always be around his family. But there was some time where I just did kind of stay from away away, because I just wanted to stay away from all that. And once he went to prison, I just stayed away. I just didn't want that for the kids anymore. When he got out, I was already.
- [106:46]
Alanized
With somebody else by the time Ruben got out of jail. And this person ended up being your second baby daddy. Baby daddy. What was that like at the beginning of the relationship? How did he ask you to be his girlfriend? And what was the relationship relationship like at the beginning? Do you feel like. And you guys became like a couple? Do you feel like you're like, oh my God, this is perfect, I found the one? Or do you feel like at the beginning with this relationship as well, do you feel like it was toxic already?
- [107:17]
Marbella
I was going to Fresno City College and I had friends. All my friends went to Fresno State. So I remember we would. Back then, we would go out and like, toda dos. So I remember that I met one of My friends, she lived in Stockton and. And Sacramento. She's like. I was like, oh, whatever, you know. And that's how I met him. At first there was nothing. I remember there was a club in Stockton, Flamingos. And I remember I would go to Flamingos a lot and I would see him. And.
- [107:55]
Alanized
How did it escalate obamente from, you know, being boyfriend and girlfriend to, like, you finding out you were pregnant?
- [108:06]
Marbella
So we had, like, kind of like a long distance relationship, but not that long. It was only like two hours. So it was like one weekend it was his turn. Then the other weekend it was my turn. You see, he wanted to get married. And I was like, okay. And he ends up buying a house for us. I kind of got coach feet when it came to getting married. I. I just feel that maybe mentally I was thinking, am I making the right decision? Because my mom always said, you should stick to the father of your kids. But I knew I wasn't in love with Ruben anymore. I just. I was mentally checked out. I didn't love him. So I felt like, am I doing the right thing? Like, what if this fails? You know, that would cross my mind. So I asked for a break. And a lot, a lot happened between the break. When we had a break, he ended up meeting another girl. When he went out, that girl. I want to just say I'm so sorry for any harm I might have caused. But he was back and forth with me and that girl. And at first I didn't know because I, you know, I had asked for a break and that's what I wanted. We were going to get married. He bought a house, everything. So he continued to be with this girl. And my friends ended up telling me that they seen him at the club with this girl. So I said, I have to be a big girl and I have to let him go. I'm not going to deal with this. I already knew that I didn't want to be putting up with stuff like that. So I said, no, I'm not going to deal with this. And I told him, hey, you know what? They. They told me that they had seen you at the club with this other girl. And I already knew who that girl was because I've been knowing about that girl. He was like, no, that's not true, blah, blah, blah. Because he would always lie, of course. And I said, you know what? It's true. I'm not dealing with this anymore. And one of his sisters never liked me because I had kids already. He didn't have kids, so of course they didn't want to grow with kids already. So she didn't like me. When she met me, she didn't know I had kids. She liked me. But when she found out I had kids, she didn't like me. That's another reason why I wanted to take a break. Break because of her. So I end up telling him we shouldn't be together no more, it's over. And he was okay with it. So I mentally prepared myself to be strong and to move on. And it's going to hurt me now, but I'll get over it and I'll live. I remember I had moved to Stockton because we were trying to make the relationship work out. And I moved with a friend. She was a really good friend. I moved with the twins there just to try it out and see if we liked it. And then he just didn't care. And we broke up. And I was supposed to start my period like a week later. And I never started. And I've never been late. I knew something was going on. On my lunch break, I. The next day, I go to the 99 cent store. Those tests are bad luck. Don't ever go get a test from the 99 cent store. I go and I get a test. For some reason, they only had the test where you pee in a cup and you have to dip. Do like a dipstick. And I remember I was so nervous, I was shaking. I go to the bathroom at work and I remember I dropped all the pee on the floor, floor. So I remember I got the dipstick and I dipped it on the floor because I'm like, I can't go pee again. And I dip it on the floor and I look and it's positive. So I'm like shaking even more. And I'm like, oh, my God, I'm pregnant. Oh, my God. So I call my friend Brenda. I tell her, I call her crying. I'm devastated. So she's like, when you get out of work, go buy another chest. Because that one did fall on the floor. So I'm like.
- [111:05]
Alanized
It'S someone's virus or something.
- [111:08]
Marbella
It's wrong. So I stop and I get two more tests. But this time I get the. The other ones. The ones that have, like, a light. I buy two and I do one when I get home. And it said I was pregnant, it was positive. And I do one in the morning. In the mornings. I was a medical assistant, so the mornings are like the best. Pee. The first one in the morning I do it and it says I was pregnant.
- [111:28]
Alanized
And by this Time we were broken.
- [111:31]
Marbella
Up and I had already put it in my mind that we were just done. And I don't care what it is, I'm not going back to him.
- [111:36]
Alanized
How did you tell him and how did he react?
- [111:38]
Marbella
So my friend says you have to tell him you're pregnant. You have to. That's on him. But you did your duty because he'll throw it in your face later that you never told them. So I was never going to tell him I was pregnant. This is going to be a secret. I'm not going to tell him. Let him. I don't want him to come back to me just cuz I'm pregnant. Yeah. So I go, you know, I said, you know, so she convinced me and I call him and I tell him that I'm pregnant because he cussed me out. He's like, you did this on purpose. Like I don't want to do with you. Like you like la ver, like you know, tequiero like all this stuff. So I was like, oh, holy. Like I'm in trouble. Like he doesn't want a thing. But I wasn't going to be with them just because I was pregnant.
- [112:23]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [112:24]
Marbella
Cuz I was determined to not be with them anymore. Anymore. So my whole pregnancy he would call and cuss me out and he would be like, you need to have an abortion. Like I don't want you keeping that baby. So I remember I would, I went to the abortion clinic, I said, God, if you want me to keep this baby, let it be a sign and let it be twins. The doctor tells me when they're doing my ultrasound that I was gonna have twins. So I get up and I walk out. I wasn't gonna do it either way. But you know, your mind is like.
- [112:49]
Alanized
Racing and you're like, what the do I do?
- [112:51]
Marbella
And you know, you guys, like back then having an abortion was like the worst thing you could do. There was no way. My whole family ended up finding out I was pregnant. And they would call and check up on me because Catholic, Christian, you don't do that. Like it's like the worst. Spiritual, whatever you want, you don't do that. And this is something that I've been very open up with my kids. I never have lied or gordo, everybody knows this. I must have gone back to that clinic like five times because he would make me like not like he wanted to, he wanted me to abort. He didn't want me to have, have them. So he would pressure me a lot. I decided to change my number and everything. One time he called me and he told me that he had another girl pregnant so that I could have an abortion because he wanted to make sure that I didn't have the baby. And he stayed with the girl he was with. And I remember I would pray so much cuz I would go to sleep crying and crying and crying. I remember I had like a dream, like one of those angels and God and everything, like telling me I already knew I was, I was going to keep this baby no matter what. What? Because I couldn't go through an abortion. And to each their own. Like I'm not with or without. Like yeah, I'm very open to it. I remember my dad took me in because I stopped working because I get so sick pregnant. And my dad took me in and Ginger and I was staying with them and I wasn't working at the time. I remember my dad would get up, make me breakfast. Like he took so good. My mom found out I was pregnant and here we go again. Like I remember she talked to me for months when I was pregnant.
- [114:17]
Alanized
And she didn't know that you were going through hell with your partner, right? Or did she?
- [114:21]
Marbella
She knew a little, but not really. So she's like, you did this to yourself. Like, like and yeah, like no, I didn't.
- [114:30]
Alanized
You're like, no, she's right.
- [114:31]
Marbella
Like I don't know how the heck I'm always getting pregnant. Like I take care of myself and this happens, you know. So that time I got pregnant because I was on an antibiotic. The antibiotic eats up birth control so.
- [114:43]
Alanized
It'S kind of like canceling it out.
- [114:45]
Marbella
Yeah. So in case you guys don't know that girls, if you're on birth control and take an antibiotic, be really careful because it'll happen. So that's how I got pregnant. I was devastated. And what I did was that I changed my number. I was going to have the baby either way and I was going to have twins. So I remember I had gotten a yeast infection and I remember I used to work with an OB back then and he always told me he was an older ob. So back in the day, pensavan di ferente. And he always told me, me, don't take the pill. Cuz they believed it would make you miscarry back then, you know. So I remember I had gotten a yeast infection. It's kind of normal when you're pregnant. And I got a yeast infection and I remember that the doctor prescribed a pill for me and I go, wait, I remember like this is Bad like you should give me the seven day treatment. She goes, no, you'll be fine. And I took the pill. And right after that I started feeling bubbling and I started to miscarry with Gordo. With Gordo. So I go to the hospital, they said, yeah, you're bleeding and there's nothing that we can take. Do you know like when you're going to take an Alka Seltzer and you put it in water and it just bubbling up. That's how I felt inside. Like gassy como, just like bubbly. Not like, yeah, kind of like, like.
- [115:49]
Alanized
Gas is building up.
- [115:51]
Marbella
Not like in my stomach, but in my vagina. That's how I felt. I get to the hospital, I go to the ER and I had mixed emotions. I was really sad. But then I'm like, maybe it's happening for a reason. The doctor checks me and he says, you're having a miscarriage. I was like four and a half months pregnant. So he's like, there's nothing that we can do, cuz you're too early on. So you're going to have to just go home and let and bleed out. It's going to come out and just follow up with your doctor. And I said, okay. So I did that. So days later, I'm feeling sick still and I'm feeling a kick. I thought it was weird. So I called my doctor and my doctor tells me to go in. And I go in, she's like, I hear a heartbeat. This is so weird. So she makes an appointment for me to go see a specialist. The whole time of my pregnancy, I'm not going to lie, I was, I was really sad because I was doing this alone. I had so many angels along the way that would like, like, oh, pores or this. And I'm like, I'm not gonna give you my baby. You know, like, I'm gonna keep them, you know. So a day before I was crying because I was pregnant with twins and what the heck am I gonna do with so many kids? And now I'm single, you know, I was talking to my dad like, I don't know how I'm gonna do this. My dad's like, don't worry me, I'm gonna help you. Like, and that's what I mean about my dad. Like, he's always been, you know, there.
- [117:00]
Alanized
For me, good dad for you.
- [117:01]
Marbella
He has, he's. My dad's always been a great father. Yapos nim. And he does an ultrasound and he's like, okay, okay. So what I want to tell you is that when you get pregnant, you ovulate two bags. He's like, so you have one egg here and one egg here. Each sperm goes into one egg. So what happened is that this bag opened up and you miscarried, but this bag made it. So you only have one baby now. So I'm like, what? He's like, yeah. Yes. And it's. This is something that you inherited from your great grandmother. My dad's sister, she has twins. So it's supposed to be skipping generation. And with me, I've actually gotten pregnant with twins three times. So the twins that I have, Britney and Brianna, and then from Gordo's dad, I got pregnant with twins, and I miscarried those when we were in the works of getting married. And I don't know, like, I take care of myself, and it's not like I'm, you know, like, not on birth control. And I was. Back then, it was the patch. I remember I was on the patch. Gordo was a twin. And then I miscarried one. So I guess, like, my great grandmother or something like that had, I think, like, twins also. So it runs in my family. There comes Gordo. And I was like. And then I remembered I had gotten an interview to work at the hospital. I had applied. I don't know how Fresno community got my resume, but they called me and they passed my resume around, and I started working there. And the doctors and everybody, like, they were also good to me. And everybody, like, helped me out. It made. Made. They gave me a baby shower and everything worked out. And that's how Gordo came about.
- [118:32]
Alanized
What was pregnancy like? Obia mente. You know, you miscarry one of the twins, you know, and you already had miscarriages prior. You know, during that pregnancy, were you, like, on edge, where you're like, oh, my God, Was it, like, a scary pregnancy for you? What was that like?
- [118:51]
Marbella
It was because, like, after that, that. Yeah. So I said. And then I remember the girls, the twins, my daughters have been there for me so much. They would tell me, like, we're going to help you out so much. Like, we're going to help you. Don't worry, Mom. Like, my sister Tamian, like, everybody helped me out with the cordo. Like, cordo's been everybody's baby. The girls, sister. I remember the girls would fight to take care of Gordo when they were little. I would have to go to sleep early and. And they would help me. And the girls were only like, 12. Like, 11 or 12 even now, like, whatever makes you happy, Mom?
- [119:28]
Alanized
You know me estabos contando la ultima that, you know, the second baby daddy was also super abusive, you know, emotionally. Never physically, but, you know, emotionally and mentally abuse. You know, what was it like living with him? And what would he do that would really fuck with you and your head?
- [119:51]
Marbella
Even when I was doing YouTube, everybody would ask me, why aren't you with Gordo's dad? Everybody. That was, like, the main question. And I never wanted to talk about it because Cordo was still a minor. Like, oh, fuck your dad. He was an asshole to me. I would let him see Gordo, you know, he was there when I gave birth, and I would let him come and see Gordo. He started coming around and started. Started asking me for us to give another try for Gordo. I didn't want to go back to him, but my mom was like, you need to do it for the baby. You need to do it for him. Give him his opportunity to be with his dad and, you know, mama. So I ended up giving him another try, and I ended up moving with him to Sacramento. And I remember even my friends that I would work with at the hospital, like, Alma, her husband, everybody was so worried about me. They were the ones that were there for me when I was pregnant. Yeah, I remember when I was caught him prank calling that girl that he was messing around with. Like, he would start 67 and then he would dial her number, and that's what he used to do to me. So he would call her and I'm assuming just want to hear her voice and then hang up. So I was devastated because I had just moved in with him and he was doing all this, but I feel like you kind of turn a blind eye because, oh, gosh, like me, I. I felt like I was doing all this mainly for my mom because I'm like, my mama, dad, like, silo dejo, you know, he shouldn't say, like, here she goes again. He was really abusive to the point where if I wouldn't do what he would say, he wouldn't talk to me for months. He would just go pick up Gordo, Yeval cuarto de nosotros. And he would lock me out of the room, and there was no way of me getting back into the room. He would lock it. For example, when it was like, Friday night, he would take off with Gordo. He would wake up at six in the morning. It was. I would have to go to sleep in the twins room. I would go to sleep with the girls because we were so Close. We've always been so to close. Close. The twins and I. He would take off at 6 in the morning so that I wouldn't hear him leave. Gordo. So he would take off. So I would get up like eight, nine, whatever. Like, because it was Saturday, he would be gone. Car seat. Like, I would be so furious. Cuz remember I used to work at a hospital and I would see all these things with kids. So I'm totally against having a kid in a car seat. That's a must. That was number one. Then number two, what he started doing is that he started turning off the electricity. So he would leave us without electricity. So. And we would. In Sacramento, it gets hot. So it gets like 100. I haven't lived there in like 11 years. When I was living there, it would be like 105, 108. Electricity. Would just sit there without electricity. And I would feel so bad for my kids. I had like little Reuben and the twins. And I would feel so bad, bad. Like in his mind he would be like, okay, like, you're not. We're not talking. So this is how you're gonna get it. You're not gonna have electricity. He technically was never mean to my kids. He was abusive because en la forma quinosa pagaval. I like to see that. He did the gas for six months. He turned off the gas for six months. He wouldn't. We wouldn't have gas. So in order for us to take a shower, I would have to heat up the water. Water, like a little electric thing. You know what he would do? He would turn off the boiler, would go outside, and we would just be sitting there. So the neighbor in front, he was an older man, he was like a really nice old man. And he would say, I always see you like the whole weekend in front of like outside of the house because it would be so hot inside. And he would say like, what? What's going on? And I would say, it's because he did this and he did that and he turned off the electricity. And he would get so mad and he would say, you know what? He turned off electricity with the breaker. That's how he did it. And I was like, the breaker? He's like, yeah, go find the breaker and put all the switches the same. And it was a breaker. So then he knew that I caught on to the breaker. And then I always like to sleep with like a night light or with the light on. So when I would sleep in the twins room, I always slept with the outside light. So he would he would go turn off me. I mentioned it in the other video. When I was a little girl, we used to have a serial killer named Richard Ramirez. I don't know if you ever heard of him.
- [124:02]
Alanized
Uhhuh.
- [124:03]
Marbella
I was the night talker. Yeah, the night stalker. So when I was a little girl, I would be terrified of him. That's how I started sleeping with the nightlight all the time, because that was my fear. Just armen la madre. So, like I said, el gas me lo quitava. Like, we didn't have gas for, like, six months. So that was also hard to cook because no diagas la hawa mela pagava ta mien. So we would go days without a shower, and then he would kick us out, like, in the middle of the night, and I would have to, like, get up with all the kids and leave, and we would have to sleep in the car. So I remember I would always park down the street because I was so scared to sleep in the car with all the kids. So I already knew my neighborhood. So I remember I would sleep in the car with all the kids. And even the dog. We had a little dog named Chapo back then. And even with him, we would sleep in the car. And I remember that was my life with him.
- [124:53]
Alanized
What are your kids, you know, meant at that time, the girls were a little older. Would they question, like, mom, what's going on? We've been outside, or he's kicking his out. Were they kind of like.
- [125:03]
Marbella
Yeah, they would never tell him nothing or nothing. They were always really good girls, really quiet. He was very mentally abusive. Like, era bien machista. He was really, really machista. Like, I had to always cook. We never went out to eat because of the. I remember he lost his job, and I would be the one bringing in all the income, and he wouldn't work, and I would come home and the house would be a mess to him. Watching porn, being on the computer, but not helping clean, because a man wouldn't do that.
- [125:45]
Alanized
What was like, you know, your final straw? What was like, your breaking point where you're like, you know what? I'm tired of the abuse. I'm done with you. What was like, that last straw that you're like.
- [125:56]
Marbella
There was this one time where I had, like, a little clothing store and in Sacramento, and he would use my car because his car was messed up, and he would use. I had an expedition back then. I remember he would use my car. That shop would close, and we would be outside waiting, and we had to walk home. And I Would feel so bad for my kids cuz it would be hot and I would feel so bad for them. So I remember I was like, I'm putting my foot down. I would call my dad and I would tell him what was going on and he would tell me, leave him. If you're not happy, leave him. Who cares what your mom says. I was scared, but I knew it had to be done. I knew I had to leave him. I knew I wasn't, I wasn't happy when I decided to leave him. We had a big fight and he kept leaving us walking for days. He just wouldn't care. Not even his own son. Like, no. I remember this one time he wanted to take my car and I said, no, you're not taking it because you leave it without gas. And I'm struggling to even like have to pay the price. Rent for the clothing. The clothing. When I would have to come to LA to buy clothing. I said no. I said, I'm not doing that. Plus I would have to help with the bills at home. I was paying everything because his job had gone down the drain. I said, I'm not doing that. I was the one paying everything at the house. He wanted to take off in the car and I said, no. I said, you're not taking off in the car. And we started arguing. He got crazy with me. Like, I'm taking off in the car and I don't care what you say. And the girls for the first time ever got in it and they're like, you're not taking off in the car. And this and this and that. You're not gonna do that to my mom. You leave us walking. And I'm like, whoa, where did this come from? Like I didn't know that side of from the kids. And it was the twins and my son Reuben. And I remember Britney said something like you're a to my mom or something like that. And he's like that. And she gets up isa and forecida and she goes after him and pushes him and he comes and he pushes the twin and she flies, guys. And I was like kind of far away from where the twins were and I'm going. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to go down right now for domestic cuz I am not going to let him touch my daughter. So. And they and my son and they all started ganging up on him and they start beating him up. So by the time I get there, there was like not even no room for me to like beat him up. Beat him up because they were all beating him up. So I ended up, like, calming the situation down and getting the kids off of him. And I said, this ends here. I said, I cannot like running the risk of going to jail. It's already getting abusive mentally and physically, and I'm leaving him. And. And I remember the night before, I had. I had heard him talking to another girl on the phone, like, oh, siamo. And all this and that. And I already knew, like, I was checked out. And then that happened with them fighting, and I hear him talking to that girl again. Again. So I got my stuff that night, and I left, and I never went back.
- [128:49]
Alanized
What was co parenting like with him? You know, you were unhappy. You knew that you needed to get out of that relationship. What was, you know, the co parenting like? Was he, like, present? You know? Were you guys, like, switching days? What was that all like?
- [129:06]
Marbella
After I left him, I always decided that he could see his son. I never kept his son away from him. I always let him see his son. I would be the one that would look for him and say, hey, you're so person wants to see you. He wouldn't want to come around because he would tell me, if you don't get back with me, I don't want to have nothing to do with you guys. So he begged me and begged me for, like, five years for us to get back together, and I never did. So I would kind of force Gordo on him. So I remember what he would do to get back at me was that he would show up at Gordo's preschool, and he would pick him up an hour before he had to be out of school. He would take him out, and he would take off, and I would go and I would wait for Gordo. Gordo would never come out. So I would go to the teacher, like, hey, where's like, my son? And she would say, I think his dad came to pick him up. And then I would say, I think it's not good enough for me. Like, I would like, where's my son? Where's my son? I would be panicking, so he would do, like, mental stuff to me. Like, yeah, like, throughout our whole relationship, everything was mental. Like, I would clean the house, and the house was really big, and he would come and he would, like, get a cucumber. Yes. All over. And camarones y agarada. The shelves and all over. Like, to me, all that was just, like, mental abuse, you know? And so he would do that with my son. He would take off for a week and I would call his sister and ask, na da en formacion. De nada. They would all go along with him. And then later on, I moved to LA and. And no supported me for a couple of years. Brianna ends up running into him, and he asked if he can have my number. And I said, yeah, sure, whatever time. So I had to change my number. I told him, I'm moving, and, you know, oh, I'm gonna go to Corita Huaquita, El Nino, and all this and that. So that's when I was like, hey, I need to go. So I looked into an attorney and everything, and they're like, right now there's no custody. You can leave. And he wouldn't see him anyways because. Because he was trying to get back at me. So if that hurts you, then I'm not gonna see him. So no lo miraba. When he would see me around in Sacramento is that he would chase me around in the car. So I thought, like, my life's at risk here. Like, I need to get out of here. That's when I started telling the girls, I need to go. I need to go. I would go to Sacramento, and we already had the schedule. Like, I would go for Thanksgiving, I would go for Christmas, I would go for New Year's, Easter, Fourth of July, whatever. You know, those holidays, I would go, yes. He came back into his life. I remember this time, it was Thanksgiving, la, as I would. And I said, hey, for Thanksgiving, I'm going over there, whatever. Same schedule. Can pick up Gordo. So he would pick up Gordo in the morning because they have dinner early, and of course, we're known for having dinner late. I remember. And I go, whatever. He made excuses. And he. It was 15 years older than the girl, so come Christmas, the exact same thing. And he would leave Gordo crying, crying and crying and crying. And that would hurt my heart. The next holiday, the same thing. So I said, I'm cutting it right here. No more.
- [132:43]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [132:43]
Marbella
So I said, you will never do this to my son again. You will never ask to see him. You lost your chances. I gave you three opportunities. You didn't pick him up. We're done. And Gordo actually was the one that made the decision. He didn't want to have nothing to do with him anymore. He knew that his dad didn't pick him up, and he would start crying, and he was so hurt. So he never. He didn't want anything to do with him. So this is the reason why Gordo cannot stand his dad.
- [133:05]
Alanized
Do they have, like, a relationship now? At all.
- [133:08]
Marbella
I mean, he did try. He's tried, but Gordo just doesn't want anything to do with him or the family. Like, he just like the family. Like, all they. Like, his sister tries to, like, call and, like. Because when he graduated, I asked Gordo, like, do you want your dad there? And he said, no, because for Father's Day, el solo sembito lombito el solo. And since he had drove so far, I felt bad for him, and I kind of made Gordo see his dad. And Gordo was so upset with me, and he said, I'm already, like, 16, 17. You cannot make those decisions for me. I'm already old enough to make my decisions and go to. Gordo, like, was mad at me. So I kind of thought, like, you know what? I like, the. Everybody was like, well, mom, maybe you should force him, or whatever. So that's what I did. And Gordo was not having it. So Gordo's. You can't force that on me no more. I'm not a little kid. I don't want to be around him. I just. So I always tell Gordo, like, you got to forgive if we believe in God. You know, we got to be forgiving so we can be forgiven. But I think in his time time, Gordo will do it whenever he feels he's ready. But his sister will call and be upset, like, oh, Gordo's a bad. He's esun malijo. Because my brother has always been good, but it's like, no, he hasn't. He's never been there. He's never cared for him. He's never supported him. And then he goes up. Yeah. So how, like, how dare you even call me, Try to, like, you know, get crazy with me and tell me how my son should fail? How dare you? So I don't talk to none of. I. I stay away from them.
- [134:40]
Alanized
And I feel like it's good, you know, momento on the. You can only do so much. And like you said, your son is, you know, where he's like, you know what? And I feel like he's like, you know what, Mom? Like, I'm old enough to make my decisions. You know, I feel like. Did you ever feel like you failed as a woman, you know, as a mom and as a wife for not being able, you know, to keep your family together? If so, how did you get rid of those, like, far from the true thoughts?
- [135:17]
Marbella
When you have kids, you have to be really careful who you're with. I do feel like I failed as a mom and mainly As a mom, because as a woman, I tried, but as a mom with my kids, because. Because why would I even let. Why I should have only allowed that once. Not even once when. Once. When that happened, all that turning off the electricity, water and gas, I should have, like, got out. And I didn't because I really wanted to try to make it work out. And sometimes as women, we do that for our kids, you know, we try to make that work out. And there was other things that are really bad that I don't want to, like, talk about, but I found out about stuff that just horrible. And to me, as a mom, I feel like I failed. You can never trust a man around your kids, Even if, oh, he's been like a dad to me. Just there. There are some good men out there, but you always got to keep your eyes open. I feel like I didn't choose the right dad for my kids because, you know, uno de la. He comes with a lot of bad habits. I feel like he was mentally maybe not stable because a mental person would not do that. And then for five years, he didn't leave me alone and stuff like that. So I feel that as a mom, I failed in that sense because I should have never let my kids go through that. I remember one time when I was at work, we have a family message, group chat. And I remember Brittany's said, mom, remember when we used to get kicked out by you know who we would get kicked out and we would have to sleep in the car. Ha, ha, ha. And I started crying at work because I felt like a horrible mom. I felt like it hurt me so mad because to me, the most important thing in my life are my kids and my grandkids. I love my kids. Like, I will do anything for my kids anytime and especially for my grandkids. And I'm the type of person that I don't like when other people talk bad about my kids. I feel like as a mom, you have to defend your kids. You as a mom, you know what you have. You know what I mean? Like, uno savelo, quetiene, pero. I feel that in that sense, I felt as a mom, I felt my kids as a mom because they should have never gone through that. So I knew I had to get up and I had to leave. So my kids know that this is not okay. This is not the treatment you get. You guys, that is not okay. I'm telling all of you, all the young moms out there, that that is not okay. You do not let nobody treat you that way. We're not in those times anymore. And you don't have to put up with mental or physical abuse if you're not happy. Don't stay in a relationship because you feel like you have to stay there because your mom or your kids. Sometimes we do it for our kids and it's worse because it's mental abuse. Like for instance, me with my parents. And maybe I did that to my kids too. So thank God I left early on when they were five. But now I've gotten really picky to where I don't trust nobody. Like I am like with my antenitas up when I meet a guy and I'm like, hm. Like, you know, like no, no.
- [138:20]
Alanized
What does dating look like for you now? What are red flags now that you're like no m no ignorad when it comes to your dating life now?
- [138:27]
Marbella
So that's what I always tell the girls. Cuz they're like mom, you're just too picky. You're just like I this guy is good. What's wrong with this guy or that guy or whatever. Now I've learned I don't talk to the girls about my guys.
- [138:37]
Alanized
Okay?
- [138:37]
Marbella
I just don't because they are my best friends. But they're like judging me over here but. Or even my mom. Cuz you know, my mom has changed a lot and she's like. And even my friends, like another one that hits the dust or whatever. Red flags for me are guys that expect me to tutu my much.
- [138:58]
Alanized
Yeah, like you're the price.
- [139:01]
Marbella
Yeah, like we both go to work but you still have to come home and clean and cook and do all this and I'm just gonna sit down to me that's not okay. If we both work then if you don't know how to cook, that's fine. I can cook. But what can you bring to the table? Like are you gonna help me wash the dishes? Can you do laundry? Because I'm not a maid and I don't want to ever get you to like a maid again. Can, you know. So I. Guys my age do expect that. But that's not what I want.
- [139:30]
Alanized
If you want me, you ain't gonna get.
- [139:34]
Marbella
I'm not doing that. And I'm okay you guys. I know you guys are like, I'm okay with that. Yeah, you have to give me sijos. I already had my kids. I'm enjoying my grandkids and I'm okay with that if I don't remarry or I've never been married but. But you know, if I don't find the one. I'm okay with that. And you know, like, just like machista guys. That's not okay with me.
- [139:56]
Alanized
And I feel like it's great that you have standards. It's not that you're picky. It's not that you want this perfectly or this or that. It's very much, you have standards. You've gone through a lot. You've seen and you've been in situations where these men have treat you shitty. And it's all like a learning experience. You know, you got treated that way and you're like, you know what? I don't want this shitty for me forever. You see, I miss Ali. And if I had a tie and a connection to these other two men because they were the fathers of my kids, I'm not gonna tolerate that for a guy that ain't even the dad to my kids.
- [140:29]
Marbella
Yeah. And also, like, times never change because I'm back in my days and all the even times now, and I even have friends that are like in their 20s or like my friend's sisters or their daughters. Red flag flags. Guys that want to sleep with you on the same night. I mean, if you're down for that and that's what you want, that's okay. But I'm just not down for that. I'm kind of old school when it comes to that. And I'm not out there to just sleep around. Yeah, I'm not. That's not my thing. That's not what I want. So when I see guys that's what they want, that's a red flag for me.
- [140:57]
Alanized
You're like, I don't want you.
- [140:59]
Marbella
Yeah, that's not what I want.
- [141:00]
Alanized
I love that. Yo and Verda, see, you know, even I've sat with her twice, you guys, and I love your story. And I just want to say thank you so much for taking the time to really sit down with us to tell your story and for us to get to know you a little bit better.
- [141:25]
Marbella
Animal rescue. I see myself in a ranch with. I want to save. So if you guys don't know this about me, I'm a big animal lover. I love. I just don't love dogs. I love dogs, cats, cats, horses, donkeys, sheep, goats, everything. I love animals. That's my thing. Like my dream guy is owned. Guy own branch. Could have a ranch.
- [141:57]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [141:57]
Marbella
And I could have animals. But mainly I would love to rescue animals. And so to me, one of my big things is I. I don't know why every time I meet a Guy, they don't. They don't like dogs. And so currently, I had five dogs. So I recently, in March, I lost my husky of 10 years. So that was really sad for me. And I cried a lot. And I know a lot of you guys follow the Murillo twins, and you guys seen my daughters, and I was being a Magdalena on there, crying because, you know, my dog. So a lot of the guys that I do meet, they don't like dogs.
- [142:32]
Alanized
Dogs.
- [142:32]
Marbella
And then I'm like, I test them out first, and I'll say, like, oh, what about. What do you think about dogs? Oh, I don't like them. They're not for me. I cut them. I'm like, that's it?
- [142:42]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [142:42]
Marbella
They try to bring it back, like, no, no, no, no. Oh. And I'm like, yes, because I'm like, yes, because I have, you know, four dogs. Four dogs. And then they try to, like, take it back. Like, no, no, I'm okay with it. I don't have time. But I know they really don't like the dogs. So to me, my dogs are very important because they're like, my kids. Kids.
- [143:01]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [143:01]
Marbella
You know, like, my kids are grown, and Gordo loves dogs. I've made them like that. Britney, too. All of my kids. To me, I see myself and Un Rancho rescuing animals because I love animals, but animals that have gone through, like, abuse or that neglect. So that's. That would be a dream of mine.
- [143:23]
Alanized
And that's my first day when people come over and they're like.
- [143:31]
Marbella
That'S me. I'm like, sorry. Like, but they're my kids, and I love them. And, you know, I can't. I don't know what to say. All I could say is, I'm stuck with them.
- [143:43]
Alanized
They're my life.
- [143:44]
Marbella
They pass on to a better life. I'm gonna get more. When my husky passed away, because at first, when he passed away, I felt guilty because my other dogs are so spoiled. And then they would come to me, and I just felt like. I feel so, like, guilty giving them love, and he's not here. But honestly, they got me through it. But I also want to tell you guys, niempire sen. They do this a lot. Like, I found a dog. Help me rescue. I can't do rescue. I cannot do foster anymore because Arlo, the way he has been, he's a very jealous dog. And the husky and Arlo started fighting a lot. He doesn't allow another dog. So I can't do. I can't do it no more. I can't Foster, you're like, it's not.
- [144:25]
Alanized
I'm not the problem.
- [144:26]
Marbella
If it was me, I would have like another fight. I dogs. But until I get a ranch and I'm able to keep them apart, I cannot foster. So it just stresses me out because they do message me a lot. So don't, please don't stress me out.
- [144:39]
Alanized
No, I love that you guys.
- [144:45]
Marbella
It took a toll on me and I got. It brought me down a lot because I was so stressed out. So I have this other girl that I was friends with. People would message us and she would help me, she would help me a lot to find Fosters. And I had this other girl, she would help me find Fosters and nobody, ever since COVID nobody's doing it no more. Like everybody just kind of gave up.
- [145:03]
Alanized
Yeah.
- [145:04]
Marbella
So I, I can't.
- [145:06]
Alanized
You can't.
- [145:07]
Marbella
I can't do it. Takes a village and nobody wants to help. So I can't do it on my own. At a point I was fostering up to eight dogs so people would be like, I, I b. I have two, three dogs. I can't do it. Yes you could. I did it with four or five dogs and I was would bring three more on. So you could. But right now I just can't. Sorry, you guys. Wait until I get a ranch.
- [145:30]
Alanized
Thank you so much for your time. You know all her social medias down below so you guys won't miss any future episodes. And with that being said, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me and thank you guys so much for watching and I hope you guys enjoyed the season finale to season five and we'll see you guys in the next one. Bye guys. Yay, we did it.
- [146:06]
Unknown
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