← Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Maribel Sandoval Talks All: Childhood, DV, Rainbow Baby, Divorce, CHISME & MORE!
02:53:18
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- [00:01]
A
This episode is brought to you by Companion. Iris and Josh seem like the perfect match, but when a weekend getaway turns into a nightmare, Iris realizes that things aren't as perfect as they appear. From the creators of Barbarian and the studio that brought you the Notebook comes a twisted tale of modern romance and the sweet satisfaction of revenge. Companion. Now playing only in theaters. Rated R under 17. Not admitted without parenting.
- [00:32]
B
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- [01:00]
A
It was at that moment when I was like, because if any of those three kids.
- [01:33]
B
What is up, everyone? I'm your host alanized, and this is Noche de Pendejadas, your favorite podcast turned talk show. And on the yotrago atus Personas favoritas al sol. And I'm not gonna lie you guys that for a long time I wanted to make happen in the bio down below Migas baby link to a Google form and then I will ahead and run through all the submissions can really inspire or maybe make the viewers feel like they're not alone. And I'm so excited that we're able to make this happen. Amigas antes like if we move on, I just really want to go ahead and mention that when you're filling in your submission, make sure you're as detailed as possible because siste sevan al form, there's a part on the Mise puenta meto historia. Based on what you put on there, Amigas is how we're gonna go ahead and choose the person. Que pues vamos atrera platicada quico nigo. So make sure that you guys are as descriptive as possible to do that. Pero si, por favor. Be as descriptive with your story. That is how we will be choosing the guest for the podcast link down below. Bayan, submit your guys submissions. Y pues pronto los miro aqui el misilla. So with that being said, amigas and we're going to go ahead and get started with today's episode. Please help me welcome my guest tonight, Maribel Sandoval. Hola. Hola. I do want to say that I consider myself a no sabo kid Whenever I'm talking to someone older than me.
- [05:40]
A
Bachelor's degree on criminal justice.
- [06:02]
B
Que cuando empecemos a platico. Identify and really see as a true inspiration. So I'm super excited.
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A
Potatoes. But I'll frio.
- [07:17]
B
Surprise her. You guys. You guys.
- [07:32]
A
Muchas gracias.
- [07:34]
B
Gracias. Alas. One, two, three. Let's go. That I love. Starting with growing up.
- [09:32]
A
Catechism in Los Angeles, California. Kindergarten. Mi papaya de los queiba con el arado. It was literally two horses dragging. El arado. He will be making losurcos and then we'll put the seed and then con el piesito. Estabamos eso la yuda piscar como guayabas yaso haciamos untel dia yad noche la yuda mama with her little restaurant. I will be the cashier. I will be the one serving the food. And I will enjoy that.
- [11:51]
B
Providing.
- [11:57]
A
That reassurance.
- [12:20]
B
Growing up. Emotional stability. You know, parent. The way you are as a mother, did that affect you in any way?
- [13:48]
A
Absolutely. Yeah. Mira, Yoshi, Impresido desas Personas.
- [14:15]
B
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- [14:18]
A
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- [14:45]
B
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- [14:48]
A
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- [14:56]
B
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- [16:06]
A
I feel like it's different times now, you know, like we have to go as the time, you know, if there's changes you have to change with did affect a lot.
- [16:44]
B
And to know, to understand, to learn and to be like, you know what, right? Like, it almost becomes normal to where you're like, well, this is all I know. I'm fine. My kids will be fine. Was it hard for you to be like, okay, quiero yo ser. An affectionate mother. Yo quiero que misijo sienta.
- [18:21]
A
Fairy tale life, you know? Your husband, your home, your nursery, your kids. There has to be more than this, you know? There has to be more than me waking up at six in the morning, going to help my dad, going to school, coming, helping my mom, and being on my own all the time. I was ready for it.
- [19:19]
B
Not that that was like a shitty trait to have. I was fine, you know? I got through that. You know what I mean? Like you said, you're like, no yo quiero que cuando yosa madre misijo. No siento mask.
- [20:25]
A
From one day to another, Mexico for Christmas, you know, con la familia. Out of nowhere, my mom tells me, so my dad again, he was over there, but then he moved back to the US to work. Yeah. A few years after we moved back to Mexico. So. En ese tiempo, yo 10 conversation con mi padre masque portalefonces. Wait a minute. You're gonna send me to the us a completely new country, with someone who. I haven't had a bond in years. And what's gonna happen with my life here? My friends, my teachers again? Because I was a very good student. That was my question. Like, did I do something wrong? Like, do you not want me here? And I was talking to Amanda the other day about it. That was my.
- [22:25]
B
Like, I can't go. Yeah, Yeah.
- [22:29]
A
I don't have underwear. So I was like. Like, I don't have calzones limpios. So soft for her to hear, but not for everyone else to hear. That's not the point, you know? Like, I was trying to make an excuse for me naturally leave. It did not work. We went back home, and I remember my mom packing a small backpack. And next day I was off. Like, I was gone. I was underage. So obviously they were gonna ask, where are the parents at? So I remember my thea was like, just. Just pretend that you're asleep, right? As soon as we. We get to, like, we're next. Just pretend you're asleep and your cousin, and that's it. I remember that. I will hear. And it was so, like, fast. And we took off Victorville tener last minute. So my dad didn't even have. He used to live with his cousins. He didn't even have a place. It was very hard. Very, very hard. You know, when I get here and then my dad says, oh, you're gonna. You're gonna start school. Como escuela recuerdo it was in elementary, was it? It was, I'm sorry, middle school. Yeah, sixth grade. Back then, on the first day of school, no sentavan en el gym. I don't know if they still do that by class. I remember that I was so nervous because everyone would speak a language that I did not know. I did not understand one bit of English. So I was like, did I even sit down on the correct line? And I remember that I was so nervous. So nervous. Like a deep, deep voice, right? And I remember turning and it was the person who now, I mean, I haven't talked to her in a long time, but who became my best friend for so many years. Her name is Jasmine. We had the same classes. So from there it was so easy. Once found that one person that basically was going through the same thing that I was, didn't speak English, didn't never been in a school in the US it was just easy because we were both like, okay, semavasara del mundo. No. I was like, I'm going to learn this shit, like, and even if I have an accent, I'm going to make sure I learn, you know, how to speak English, how to communicate. And that's what I did. You know, when you start school, that's the first thing they teach you, the ABCs. So that I was already like, I had a little bit of head start. So it wasn't that hard. It was.
- [27:13]
B
Bien. Bullying, you know, from your peers. Did you feel like you suffer any type of bullying because of that?
- [27:33]
A
Not as much as now. It's like a trend, and that's disgusting. Back then, it wasn't a trend, you know, it was more like, en que te poda yudar, at least en la comunidadon de yostava porque yo estava nunas Classes, the esl. Okay, so the majority of kids didn't speak English or were coming from the same background as you, the same struggles and everything. So I feel like up and down element middle school, even on elementary, you know, I was always the one defending everyone, if that makes any sense. Different period, you know, like, if you, like, I could be the nicest person on earth, but I can also be the.
- [30:23]
B
Yeah.
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A
The worst person that you ever meet.
- [30:25]
B
Yeah, I can match you.
- [30:26]
A
Yeah, I'll match you. Yeah, I'll match your energy. So that was me. Right? So, okay, you know, you're talking to my man and you're. And you're this, you're that, and my friend like this, like, shaking it all in. Yeah. And I'm Like. Like this. I don't know what it was. And I'm like, I stand in between them. And mind you, again, my friend was a little bit chubby. The other girl was also chubby. I've always been a stick. Like, Amanda's body. That. That was me. Until I. Yeah, until I had her, I've always been very skinny, very petite. But I was like, no. Like, that's. This is not right. So I get in between, and I'm like, you need to stop. I was like, whatever issue you have going on, you can. You cannot be taken out on her. Ato hombre. You know, like, take it with him. He's the one that doesn't leave her alone. And she tells me and, like, get out of my way. She pushed me, and that was the end. I was like. So we start fighting. I. I'm not one to, like, like, pull hair. I want to punch, okay? So I'm like, you know, going crazy until the. The. But at that point, I was like, I don't care, you know, Like, I.
- [31:57]
B
Made my point.
- [32:02]
A
For no reason. You. You know what? But when it's like, like that, just for the fun of it or because you feel like, oh, that person is not going to talk back. So let me. Let me make myself big, you know, like, no. So sorry, dad. See, yo, I proved my point, and I was like, no. And then this. So, you know, I will go to my tia's house. I will be there. And that day, I remember that I was on the phone with him. Like, I was talking to him on the phone because he wasn't at his house. I was at my thea. As I was sitting down in the front of the house with my cousin. And I'm on the phone with him, and I see her and some other girl coming, right? So and so. I don't want to say her name. So and so, okay, like.
- [33:33]
B
Out loud. Not directly towards you, but just out.
- [33:36]
A
Loud for me to hear. I'm on the phone. I'm like, with my man. So I was like, that's fine, as long as she doesn't say my name or she doesn't stop up and directs me. I don't care. I was like, I don't care. She passed one more time and again, directing, talking. Then I'm on the phone, and I'm like, que paso? I'm like, excuse me, quebezo. At that time, he knew that it was her. Porque las cucho de la bos. And he's like, don't even start. And I was like, no. Like, this is the second time she passes, and she's opening her mouth. So your lady, like, as soon as I said that, she turned around and was on my face. Like, she was waiting for that. And I'm. And I'm sitting down, and in the back of me, avia, a lot of roses. Like, huge roses. Con espinacitodo, right? And then out of nowhere, she just lounges at me, and I'm like. I go back with the phone. Back then, the phones were like, ladrios, you know, those big phones, house phones. So I tell you, I'm like. And she started punching me. So the first thing I thought, well, fuck it, I get the phone, and I. Boom, hit her. As soon as she, like, kind of goes back, I got up, and we started going at it. But again, bigger than me and everything. I was like, I don't care. Yeah, that's not gonna stop me. So we start fighting. At one point, yocentia, that her friend was. Was in it. And instead of trying to separate it, she was also hitting me. And I'm like, where's my cousin? Last thing that I. And I tell her now, and she laughs. When I was like, dude, you went like, this quick inside. And she's like. I'm like, yeah, right. I was on the phone with them. Them. So. And so. So we stopped because. Right. And whatever. And then she's telling me. I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. Whatever. And as the girl. The two girls are walking away. Merita mesi queres mas. And I'm like, girl, poia.
- [36:14]
B
You're like.
- [36:18]
A
But it wasn't, like, a long after that I was scratched from my face. That's one thing that I'm always gonna do. I'm gonna defend myself, you know, and that's one thing that I tell the kids. You know, never, never, ever go looking for trouble. But if it comes down to you guys defending yourselves, do it. Yo les de sia, yo ma voya no jar maas.
- [37:11]
B
Hey, everybody. My name is Bob the Drag Queen. And I'm Monet X Change, and we are the hosts of Sibling Rivalry. This is the podcast where two best friends gab, talk smack, and have a lot of fun with our black queer selves. Yeah, for sure. You know, we are family, so we talk about everything, honey.
- [37:29]
A
From.
- [37:29]
B
From why we don't like hugs to black Lives Matter, to interracial dating, to other things. Right, Bob? Yes. And it gets messy, and we are not afraid to be wrong. So please join us over here at Civic Bribery Available Anywhere you get your podcast, you can listen and subscribe for free. For free, honey.
- [37:54]
A
Hi, bald.
- [37:55]
B
It's me, Trixie Mattel, skinny legend and board certified H Vac sommelier. And me, Katya Zemolechikova, the sweatiest creature in showbiz, reminding you to subscribe to the Bald and the Beautiful podcast. Listen as we cover topics as varied as proper bidet usage, celebrity impression tutorials, and a television show I recently watched.
- [38:13]
A
That I'll base my entire personality on.
- [38:15]
B
For six weeks, as well as creative pest control, tasty limeade recipes, and fun sex act trends. We also chat about boobs and movies.
- [38:23]
A
And wigs and stuff, which is obviously the public service part of the podcast.
- [38:27]
B
So get ready for screaming, cackling and some occasional educational moments as two massively unqualified queens talk about what it's like to be the epitome of fabulous. Go subscribe to the Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie Mattel and Katya Zomolochkova on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you're listening right now.
- [38:54]
A
I was never one to hit them, but I want to, like, yeah, like.
- [38:59]
B
Scold down, you know, you up. Who did the first move?
- [39:48]
A
Because I didn't have nobody else here again. My dad used to work a lot. My time was going to Maitia's house, spending the weekend there, or even the summer. So familia del es del mismorancho conosotros, right? Me and him, we didn't know each other until then. Spin the bottle.
- [40:16]
B
Yeah.
- [40:38]
A
Fairy tale life. It's with them, it's going to be with them. Yeah. So that's when I started noticing a lot of stuff. But I was just so in love. So I thought I was in love. And he was such a manipulator. Like, he was. He would always gaslight me. Like he would know what to say and what to do to keep me thinking that he was the best that I would ever have.
- [41:48]
B
You know? Who was the first person to tell.
- [41:55]
A
Like, my period is on time. It was like a week. A week passed and I hadn't gotten my period. So I was like, this is not okay. So I went to the clinic, I took a pregnancy test. They told me that I was pregnant. And that moment I was like, I was happy because that's what I always wanted, you know, I wanted to be a mom. I remember calling him, not calling him. I paged him. I don't know if you guys are on that stage where, like before cell phones we had pagers. So I remember I paged him 911. Because I was like, it's an emergency. So he knew it was an emergency. And then I paged my phone number, my house phone number. So he calls me, and then I tell. I. You know, I told him, I need to. To you. I'm gonna go to my tia's house, and then I'll go see you. So I told him. You know, his reaction wasn't, like, sad, but it wasn't happy. Yeah. It was more like, like, what now? Yeah. Like, okay.
- [42:51]
B
Were you expecting that reaction, or you thought he was gonna give you the reaction? Que to querias?
- [42:55]
A
Yeah, I thought it was gonna be, like, excited. Like, I was. You know, I thought he was gonna be jumping up and down, but it didn't happen. But I was okay with whatever reaction I got from him. A lot of baggage of his own.
- [43:32]
B
Yeah.
- [43:33]
A
You know, taking care of me as a single dad and then taking care of my. My family back home. So he already had too much going on that. I feel that at that point for him was like, a relief.
- [43:44]
B
Yeah.
- [43:44]
A
Like, okay.
- [43:45]
B
Weight lifted off his shoulder. Yeah.
- [43:46]
A
Like, okay, now you're gonna go and live with them, and that's that.
- [43:50]
B
Like, you're his problem now.
- [43:51]
A
Yeah.
- [43:51]
B
Yeah. You almost felt like it was almost. Como? It's still, like, a relief to your dad. Yeah. Okay. One last thing to worry about. Yeah. X was very manipulative. You know, especially was that very, like, from the start or was it very, like, healthy at the beginning? And then it became that it was.
- [44:14]
A
Okay at the beginning, you know, he was always one to be like, if that makes any sense. Like, he. He. To me, he was handsome. You know, he. He thought he was so. He had, like. His ego was, like, super high. So. Siempre meso cre mo que? Like, if I wasn't enough or, like, you're never gonna find nobody better than me. Yeah, I see. Yo estaba, like, oh, I'm never gonna find nobody like him, you know? El estavan establish economicamente su familia, conoci ami familia. So I was like, that's perfect. You know, that's all I need.
- [45:01]
B
You give birth, did that, like, push you guys closer together or did it push you guys apart? Like, do you feel like, was that something, or do you feel like he was like, no. After, you know, you gave birth?
- [45:28]
A
Yeah. No, I think, to be honest with you, he was always very distant to. Not only to me, but to our son at that time. Like, he will tell me all. He will call me all kinds of Names.
- [45:55]
B
Just cuz.
- [45:56]
A
Just cuz. Yeah. If I was cooking and if I was still in my PJs, you know, because my son was little. You're lazy. Because I did gain a lot of weight after my son. And mind you, he was only like a month or two months, so I was still. I still had that baby.
- [46:14]
B
Postpartum body.
- [46:17]
A
You're useless. You're this, you're that. He's like that because when I moved in to live with them, his dad was super abusive towards his mom. And I'm talking about physically and emotionally, like, he was very abusive. I went through that, you know, with him and through his parents as well. Escuchava y mirava. How the dad used to treat the mom. And I was like, damn. Oh, well, he's not hitting me, you know, he's not. Not physically abusing me, so it's okay. Like, he's not like that. He's not like that. Yeah, I see. Javier, fue cresciendo. And I started distancing myself from everyone. You know, I had a lot of friends. That's one thing that I did. I. I used to be super friendly. Salia medivertia. But when I got pregnant and I lived with them, I. All that stopped. It was like, of course, okay, now I'm a mom, you know, I'm a wife. Even though I wasn't a wife, because I was never asked to marry him or anything like that. I'm a mom. I have the family that I always wanted, and it was me, him and my kid. Like, I wouldn't think of nobody else.
- [47:29]
B
That was your new life?
- [47:30]
A
That was my new life. That was that. So I gave him that power. I feel like I gave him the power to be like, oh, like, she is 100% committed to me. Me.
- [47:45]
B
And I feel like that happens a lot, you know, with women. I feel like. Especially because I feel like women love so much harder than men. You know what I mean? I feel like I see it a lot, you know, men, after they, you know, get the price that they chase for so long, it's almost like, yeah, you know what I mean? And I feel like for women, it's very much like, no, you're gonna chase me when I'm yours. I'm gonna give you 110%. And it just sucks because, you know, the male never reciprocates that same energy. Sientes, too, because you allowed so much verbal abuse. Did ever get physical with him or no?
- [48:21]
A
Yeah, it. It did get to a point where it got physical and that was a breaking point. And I'll tell you a little story about that. So he was very verbally, like, abusive towards me. Me. And then I get pregnant with Amanda. Nothing that we were expecting, to be honest with you. This pues, Javier. I was like, okay, maybe this is. This is just the only child I'm going to have. Because I had already seen stuff with him that I was like, maybe this is not the life that I was looking for. San Antonio, Texas. And I had no other choice but to go with them because I live with them. So we moved to Texas. Throughout my whole pregnancy, I was over there in San Antonio. I was telling Amanda that I didn't even go to the doctor until I was almost due because I couldn't find a doctor to see me. And he wouldn't even care to be like, let me give you a ride to look for the doctor. I didn't drive at that time. I knew how to drive. I just didn't have a car. I didn't even have an ID from Texas yet. So, you know, I don't get doctors appointments or anything like that. And then we put a down payment for a home. Like, I think it's time, you know, we're gonna have our second child. I think it's time that we have our own space, I feel like. But I didn't know him because I didn't have that time alone. Alone.
- [50:05]
B
Yeah.
- [50:05]
A
So I was like, it's time for us to, you know, get home. So we do. We bought a home. No, la hieron de hao parivad. We move into that home and, oh, hell, that's when everything went down. Like, Amanda was born. And the mental of you became, like, yeah, more aggressive. He was one to lie about the time that he will get out of work. So during the time that I was pregnant with Amanda, right. He would always tell me, like, oh, like, they will. You will be able to see the front of the house.
- [51:05]
B
Okay.
- [51:06]
A
So I will be in Javier's room literally at 2, 3 in the morning, peeking out through the window. And I was like, there's no way that he gets out of at 6.
- [51:13]
B
Yeah.
- [51:14]
A
So en una de rava horas mirando por la ventana. Yo mirajo el vecino. My detective had. And I was like, I'm gonna find out what's going on. Because, one, we have two kids. We just bought a home. And there's no way that I'm gonna be okay with.
- [52:01]
B
Yeah.
- [52:01]
A
You know, cheating.
- [52:02]
B
Or cheating.
- [52:03]
A
Yeah.
- [52:03]
B
Because I'm sure that was your mindset. You're like, it's the way I'm gonna.
- [52:07]
A
Like, you know what? There's the mental views. But come on. Like, that was just too much. So I. I put my detective hat and then I call his wife. Work that day. I call like at 2 in the morning, and I'm like, oh, it's. It. So he was a bus driver. So when you call, you call the dispatch, you know, I'm looking for. So. And so it's an emergency, so I need to talk to him. Oh, let me check. And he comes back and says, oh, no. Like, his shift ends at 12. He's already gone. And I'm like, say what?
- [52:42]
B
You're like, what do you mean?
- [52:44]
A
Yes. I'm like, wait, so. So today his shift ended at 12. He's like, no, that's. That's his schedule. And I'm like, okay. So. And my mind started going crazy because I was like, 12 and you always come home at 6. Like, what the hell? So I was like, what the hell? So every day. Where do you go every day for six hours? So. So I was like, there has to be something that. Give me this something. Yeah, because back then, cell phones and all that wasn't like a big thing.
- [53:25]
B
Yeah. And it's not like now that you can have his exact location.
- [53:29]
A
No, none of that. So, like, like a camera. He had notes written down, like, saying nice stuff from someone, like, not even the supasado, like, recent. And pictures too, of, like, him and in the club with the neighbor and a bunch of other stuff. That's how men. Yeah, he. I was. I'm telling you. So then I found all that, and I'm like, what the hell? Like, so that day I waited for him up. I was like, I'm going to tell him. Like, yeah.
- [54:27]
B
So what happened?
- [54:29]
A
Like, oh, like, how was it? You know, how was work? And it's nice. Like, oh, it was good. Why are you awake? You know? And I was like, oh, I was waiting for you, you know? And I was like, I wanted to show you something. So I get the. The box out. And his face was like. And I was like, so you get out at 12 or at 6? And then he's like, like, you're not gonna tell me what to do. You have a home. Home. You know, you have home, you have food. You're here to take care of the kids. That's why you're here. And I was like, or no. Yeah. Yeah. Since I was in the. In the, you know, mente. He was working. I never even cared to, like, Check. But, yeah, and I was like, dude, like, you were drinking. So on that camera, I found found videos, and I found pictures of you with some other girl. And. And on those videos, I recall them calling her Coco. So I was like, like, you know, he told me straight up. He was like, coco, e na mujer con la castoya blando and hasta descarado. Yes, yes. And pero, don't worry, like, that's not gonna happen again. As a matter of fact, like, yeah, termina coneya all this. He was like, I'mma I'mma prove to you that, you know, that. That it's done. And she was so upset that she even had her cousins come on the phone and they were threatening him. Like, like, why did you do that to my cousin? Like, normal cousins protecting their cousin, right? Yeah. Or so you know that he just had me there because we had just bought in a house and.
- [56:31]
B
Yeah. How did that make you feel? And you were dealing with that. How did that affect your emotional state at that moment?
- [56:43]
A
Well, my emotional state, I. It was already on the floor.
- [56:47]
B
Yeah.
- [56:47]
A
Yeah. Like, I felt like I wasn't worth anything. I remember that. I was like, well, you know, I have what I wanted, which is my kids. You know, he's right. We have a home, so I don't need anything else. You know, Like, I don't. He's right. I'm probably useless. Who's gonna want me with two kids, you know? Like, it's better if I just stay. He already apologized, you know, he already told me that. That he was sorry, that he loved me. Me. He showed me that he had broken up with her. So, you know, I. Yeah, cone so me con forme. So when he tells me that, I'm like, yeah, then he's right, you know, like, I'm worth anything. So. Yo continue, Conel. But at that time, it was like, I continued the relationship at that time, I was like, for my kids, you know, because they were little. Amanda was get. And I'm like, what am I going to do with two kids? You know, in a state where I don't know anybody? I mean, I had family, like cousins and here and there in Texas, but nothing that I was close with them.
- [57:55]
B
Yeah.
- [57:56]
A
You know, so I was like, what am I going to do? Like, I have nobody over here. I have no job. I. I'm better off just staying, you know, like, maybe it'll get better. But, yeah, time pass and all that emotional. The stress that I was going to. It became too physical. So. And it all happened this three Stories that I'm going to tell you, they all happen within, like, a month of a difference, right? So after all that happens, that I find out about Coco and all of that, I was upset. I was upset. I was. I felt betrayed. But I was still there. I was still pretending to be the happy wife, you know, the perfect. And they invited us to a party at a family gathering. We go, su familia del fue paso, mama. And, you know, we're. I thought we were having a good time. We were playing loteria poker. That was our thing. And we were having fun, and it was time for us to leave, right? And I kept telling him, please, let's go. You know, Amanda was little. It was cold. Javier's, you know, sleepy. Let's just go home already. But he was drinking so much much. So he kept saying no. And I was like, you know what? I'm gonna leave. I told him, I'm gonna leave. And to the house. I get the keys and I get Amanda. I put Amanda in the back seat, Javier in his car seat, and I'm like, I'm gonna leave. And some of my cousins and my tia, we're all there outside. His parents are telling him, like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm, you know, I'm getting ready to get in Eld. Okay, fine. Like, let's go. Simply Latinas, you know, like, you always have to ruin the fun. Yeah. Like, party pooper and blah, blah. I'm like, dude, Amanda's little, like, javier, sleepy. Like, I'm tired, you know? And plus, you're drinking. So I was like, I already knew that when he macho. It was.
- [59:57]
B
It was not going to be good.
- [59:58]
A
No.
- [59:59]
B
Yeah.
- [59:59]
A
Again, it wasn't physical till then, but it was like, I'm gonna hear it. Yeah. Like, I just. I was like, I don't want to hear him. Not in front of. In front of all these people. So. Lady, okay, like, you know, like, let's go. So passenger side, like, oh, like, I forgot to give my thea a hug and, you know, a goodbye. So I get out de la tro k. Like, like, dragging you? Yeah, like.
- [60:38]
B
The passenger.
- [60:45]
A
And I'm like, what the hell? Like, let me go. And he's like, no, you said we're leaving, so now we're leaving. And I was in shocked because I. And I was like, you guys are not gonna say anything. And then they just stood quiet. And I was like, what the hell just happened, right? Yo? Like, no, you're gonna go on your own. I'm not going with you. Because I was like, that this is another level. Yeah, right? And I was like, wow. Like.
- [61:23]
B
And I feel like at that moment.
- [61:32]
A
I was like, no, like, when I tell you he was driving like a maniac. He did. He left. And then the next day, he calls me and apologizing like always, and I love you, and I love the kids, and I'mma go pick you up. Blah, blah, me again. I was like, okay, he already apologized. You know, everything's going to be fine. It was. He was just mad. He was just drunk. I was making excuses for him. What I do is like, okay, come pick me up. So he picked me up. We went back home for days with him, to be honest with you. He would go to work and I'll be home cleaning, cooking, like always. Pero molesta. Like Elmia blava. And I wouldn't.
- [62:13]
B
Like. The vibes were off.
- [62:15]
A
Yeah, the vibes were off. I was like, dude, you already cheated. You already. You know. Yeah. Like, I was like, no, the vibe was not there anymore. It was like I was waking up. I feel like you were getting to.
- [62:29]
B
The moment where, like.
- [62:33]
A
I feel like I was waking up at that time. Right. That he didn't have that control anymore over me that he probably thought, oh, if I do this, she's gonna. I'm gonna see if she. If she snaps back to, like, whatever I say or to see if she still loves me. So I. I was cooking. He comes downstairs holding the gun, and he goes towards where the garage is at. And I already knew. I was like, what the hell is he gonna do? Like, I was. I started shaking.
- [63:22]
B
Were you thinking more of, like, es chantaje? Or like, did you think he was gonna do something to himself or, like, to you?
- [63:27]
A
No, I. I thought that it was chantaje comodises. Cause I knew him the moment that he thought he was, like, losing power. Losing power, he will do something that will make me, like, get back in.
- [63:39]
B
Track and to try to grasp control of the situation.
- [63:41]
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Towards the garage. And then, you know, the. The sound, like a really loud sound because it was inside the house, as if. As if he had shot himself. I remember that. I was like. Like, what the hell, Alan? Like, I was not worried for him, you know, I was not like, oh. Like, did he just.
- [64:12]
B
Yeah.
- [64:12]
A
Like, I did not react. I was just like, you're like, oh, should I take you out? Like. Like that. I was very.
- [64:23]
B
Like, you were just done at that point?
- [64:25]
A
Yeah, I was not feeling anything anymore. Okay. I continue doing my stuff, my dishes, maybe, like, 10 minutes pass and I'm like, just to see. So I'm like, he's fine, you know, he's just so. And he went crazy.
- [64:47]
B
Like, you don't care about me.
- [64:49]
A
Me? Yep. You know, like, he was just going crazy. And I was like, who does that? Persona normal. From there, I was like, okay, like, maybe it's time for me to start looking somewhere else. Because he got to the point where, like, let me get a. A gun and let me pretend that I'm killing myself. I said, next time it's gonna be let me get a gun and I'm gonna shoot you. Yeah, that's. That was what I was thinking. I was like, this is not gonna go anywhere else, you know, like, I need to start looking for me and for my kids. Kids. So. No, honestly.
- [66:15]
B
Yeah.
- [67:05]
A
Libras.
- [67:25]
B
Power to like, get him off so he wouldn't bug you.
- [67:50]
A
Yeah. Months or even less. Oh my God. I was like, this is not like. Like, this is not going to be good. I had a feeling. I was like, this is not going to be good. So I remember that I was laying down with Javier and I was facing Javier, you know, and I was like hugging him and I was like praying. I was like, please, God. And then he gets close to me and then he tells me like, oh, yeah, you get like, come to the room, you know, because I want to make love to you and blah, blah. And I remember like me pretending that I was asleep because I was like, no. Like, no. Yeah, yeah. And then in Esso, like. Like he grabs me from my hair, like, I know you're not asleep. And he grabs me from my ha. A 200 pound man on top of me go, like, laughing, you know? And I was like, wow. Like, just let me go. Just let me go. Let me get the kids. And then he's on top of me or he thought that. I don't know what he thought, but for him it was like he got into his dad's back like. Like a piggyback.
- [71:16]
B
Like he ran to his dad. Okay.
- [71:19]
A
While his dad was choking me. He. He. With one hand. He gets heavier. And then la viera. I don't know how. I don't know how I took the power. Paraquitarmelo. And I remember that I started scratching him, slapping him. I went crazy. Easy. Little table right next to our bed and we had a lamp. I. I grabbed that and I was like. I go like. So I was like, I'm gonna leave, you know, I'm gonna grab my kids and I'm gonna Leave. And you're not gonna do anything to us because. Because I swear to you, I will kill you. Cuz I was like, I'm not going to die here in front of my kids. He was still like, yeah, he was just like. Like he couldn't believe that that person that he had made into, like, the tiniest person was standing, you know, in front of him. And I told him, like, I will kill you. So I grab Amanda, I see Javier and Suanzi, me and my peaches, barefoot. I was like, I don't care. And I run downstairs with Amanda. Nos brasos. I remember opening that door. And as soon as I opened the door and we were outside, I was like, thank God. Like, I feel safe. I was like, we're safe. You know, I was like, I am never, ever going back to that. Maybe like two blocks down with a neighbor that I used to be friends with. And it was in the middle of the night, it was like three in the morning. So I knock and, you know, she opens the door. I didn't even have to say anything.
- [73:37]
B
Yes.
- [73:38]
A
She was like, tipping over. I had a black eye. I had, you know, scratches, everything.
- [73:46]
B
Yeah, yeah.
- [73:47]
A
His hands were like marcadas and miquello. So she's like, I'm gonna call the cops. And I was like, yeah. So she calls the cops. The cops get there, and then obviously they're taking, you know, pictures, they're interviewing me, they're trying to talk to Javier, but. But Javier was more like he was little, you know, so. Yegan los policia. Si. Medicine. You know, is he in the house? And I said, yeah, he's in the house. First thing they asked me is, does he have any guns? Because in Texas it's so usual, you know. So I was like, yeah, he does. And I told them he's not afraid of using it, you know, and so, yeah, he has guns and he will use it. So. Okay. And I was like, no. Like, that's exactly what I'm going to do. This is going to be the last time that he ever. It was like the first time that he got physical. I am never going to go through this again. So at least. Yeah, he's like, he's gonna be in there at least for three hours.
- [75:38]
B
Three days.
- [75:39]
A
Three. Three days. I'm sorry. Okay. Against the or. I was like, for a reason. He's gonna. He's gonna come, he's gonna kill me. Like, I was. I was that afraid of him at that time. So we didn't have, like, a great relationship, but they were Always the ones if I need it, they'll be there.
- [76:24]
B
And it was like your last resort. Yeah.
- [76:28]
A
Hey, you know, I. I left like, they knew Mirab. You know, they will see it, but they just didn't know how to approach it and tell me like, hey, you know, so. And I was like, I know. Like, I don't want to be here. I don't want to be in this house. This does not feel like home. Okay, so like an empty apartment with furniture and everything. And he was like. He was gay. Tony. You know, you can stay there with the kids. I have two more weeks for the lease to. To be over, so you can, you know, you can be there for two weeks. And I was like, thank you so much. I had to do something.
- [78:00]
B
Yeah. You started being like, I can't depend on him.
- [78:02]
A
Yeah. Yeah. So that's when I look for a job. But I was like, I don't care. Like, this will be the way out.
- [78:12]
B
Yeah.
- [78:12]
A
You know, So I swear to you, a few days before all that happened, so. And I was like, I'm out. And from there on, it's historia like, you know, to. To grind.
- [78:48]
B
Yeah.
- [78:49]
A
Like, that's the point where I was like, okay, like. Was like. Like that. This is my type. He didn't know where we were.
- [79:00]
B
He would try to reach out or not.
- [79:02]
A
Oh, yeah, he will call all the time. I don't know how he find out my cell phone number. He was calling me saying that he was sorry, that he loves us, that for us to the usual stories that.
- [79:15]
B
The manipulation was coming back.
- [79:19]
A
Oh, no, no. Like, I'm never going back. And I told them straight up. I said, look, I don't care what you say. It's what you do that for me matters the most. I am sorry, but I am not willing to. To. To spend any more of my time to please you. I was like, yeah, like, this is my time, you know, And. And you realize that you can't make it by your own. You're gonna come back. I'm not gonna give you. Not even $1 for the kids. Esmas. You know what? Forget that I was even a father for them. Like, I don't want to see them if you're not with me. I don't want to see them and all that. I was like, damn, like, this is you. Like, all these years that I saw little, you know, red flags. Red flags. And I was so in love, but I was like, this is you, you know, like, this is who you are.
- [80:52]
B
Yeah. You know, the band aid off. You were like, okay, now he reconfirmed it that he is like, this.
- [81:03]
A
This is me. Like, I. And I told him, I said, yeah, I. I'm gonna probably struggle, and I'm gonna. Whatever it is, but I rather do that because that's how I felt with you. You know, I rather them not go through the whole, like, I don't care.
- [81:46]
B
I'm sure at that moment, you know, respectfully, I'm sure he would. So you're like, okay, I do want to say thank you so much for opening up about estos. Opening up about them. Yo se que puede vermunte. You know, that can really relate and feel.
- [82:15]
A
Seen.
- [82:23]
B
You become a single mom. How was it like afterwards, even though that's what you wanted? Do you feel like, fueron tiempos duros parati. And if you can give anyone watching at home an advice that maybe is going through this or has gone through this. Okay, there's no light at the end of the tunnel.
- [82:58]
A
Should I go back? Because I was struggling. I was struggling.
- [83:25]
B
Your problem.
- [83:25]
A
Your problem. Like, you're on your own. Otra is it. Is it kind of. Is it going to be like that? You know, like, is he right? Yeah, like, is he right? Am I worthless? Am I, you know, like, a lot of fridge. Those are lunches. So every. Every Friday, the cleaning lady will throw away the. Okay, this frozen food, whatever is here. Tuesday, I would check. It was still there. Wednesday, the same. So I was like, okay, great. This will be what I take on Friday.
- [85:20]
B
Yeah.
- [85:26]
A
Friday. Okay, I'mma take this. I'm going take that Care Freeway. So yome bajo del freeway. Mary calendars. Like, it brings me back to that. And, oh, like, just drive straight to the parking lot. The. The Samaritan. So I get there, you know, like. Like, dude, when are you gonna give me a break? You know, like. Like a little bit of my luggage. Like, come on. You know, like dad with my parents, and then with him. And then I finally get out, and you're still punishing me. Like, yo yorando, yorando tanto. And I was questioning him. I was like, you're. You know, like, I was like. And I remember that I was crying and talking to myself, and then the. The guy was an old man. Like, my dad said age at that time, and then he tells me to lower the window, and. And then I'm like, oh, es que me. You know, Like, I didn't tell him, like, oh, I don't have money. I only have $5. I was just like, oh, I don't have a. You know, those. Those little things so I can go get gas. Like, no mas. I'm just stressed out. And then else. Senor Estavaciano la yarda de restaurant. Restaurant. He was cutting the grass. He goes to his. His truck and then the gas, because, you know, that's what they use for the thing. And I was like, oh, I didn't have. Right. I was like, these are the only $5 I have. Yeah. And I remember that I given. He was like, no, mija, no, no, no, no. He's like, you know, he was like, don't worry. Oh, my God. I was like, thank you so much. And I was like, thank you so much. Then I start driving, and I remember that driving from there to work, it was 30 minutes. I was crying the entire way. And I. I was apologizing to God because I, too, exist. But it's like care support. So I was like, okay, if that's the only way that you know that I'm gonna make you be a dad.
- [91:39]
B
Yeah.
- [91:39]
A
Then that's the way that I'm gonna. That I'm gonna. Yeah, you know, I'm gonna get those $100 without me having to ask you all the time. So I went, you know, I put him on child support. When we went to court and the judge told him how much he was going to give me, he was dying inside. He. He reached out to me. He was like, I'll give you $500 a month child support. And I said, no. I said, you know what's the worst part?
- [92:27]
B
Yep.
- [92:27]
A
You know, I was like, that's sad. That's sad. Shouldn't even exist. Yeah. And that's it. But that doesn't mean that. That the. The. It's gonna disappear as well, you know. So I told them it's sad that I had to get to the extent. Extent of putting you to child support for you to even think that, oh, you know, remember that I have kids. But even at that, I put him in child support and he never paid, you know, like, what ID me driver licenses. And I was like, like.
- [93:21]
B
Yeah.
- [93:21]
A
You know, again, I was struggling so much, but I was one to always keep it, like, to myself.
- [93:37]
B
She's thriving.
- [93:38]
A
Yeah.
- [93:38]
B
Maybe that's what. Maybe would irk him.
- [93:40]
A
Yeah.
- [93:41]
B
You were, you know, navigating this with so much grace, with so much, like, head up high, even though deep down you were suffering. Yeah, in a lot of aspects.
- [93:50]
A
Yeah, I would suffer, you know. Yeah. You know, they will see me happy and enjoying life. And so, yeah, that's what Like, I would say that started like, little by little killing him.
- [94:20]
B
Yeah.
- [94:20]
A
Then he went back to, like, you know, get back with me and all these things. And I was like, hell no. Like, do you not understand? Like, el momento que de sidi.
- [94:33]
B
Yep.
- [94:34]
A
Okay. I was struggling and I was doing that. All that I would rather be going through that.
- [94:43]
B
You know, you were at a moment where you're like, no. That maybe in that situation, you know, can take a consejo from. You.
- [95:50]
A
Are not going to be okay.
- [95:52]
B
With that is muy importante. If anyone watching at home that is going through anything similar. It's never true. Late. You know what I mean? No. It's too late to take control over your own life and to live the life that you've always wished and you were able to overcome each and every one of those. You are diagnosed with cancer. Did you have any signals or did you have any kind of symptoms that you were like, oh, so I might be having something.
- [97:40]
A
My grandpa passed away from cancer. And then I have an aunt that she battled cancer and they had to amputate both one of her breasts. So they say, oh, let me check. Not like, I have a lot, but I was like, you know, is there something abnormal? Yeah, it comes in the family. So to me, it was normal to get in the shower and just check.
- [98:09]
B
Because you're like, let me catch it.
- [98:11]
A
Before I catch lump on my left breast. I have to go to the doctor. Like, I have to, because it was. It was a lump that it was not normal, you know, like. And then it was just. It was hard and it was painful. It would hurt. So I was like, I have to go to the doctor.
- [98:44]
B
Yeah.
- [98:45]
A
So I went and I. And I got checked and I was like, you know what? In familia maybe. And l. The cancer. So I want to make sure that this is not that. So, you know, they. They make an appointment, they do a biopsy. Two, three weeks later, they come back and they said, it is cancer. At that moment, you know, when you hear the word cancer, you automatically think death. Like, cancer. Okay. I'm a. You know, I'm a battle this. Like I've always been doing by myself.
- [100:05]
B
The mass.
- [100:05]
A
The mass. And you can go home the same day.
- [100:08]
B
Yeah.
- [100:08]
A
You know, it wasn't una keme.
- [100:10]
B
Like, the recovery wasn't intense.
- [100:12]
A
It wasn't intense. Intense. Yeah. I had stage two cancer and it was contained. It was contained within that lump. So I was just so into. I've always been by myself. It'll be fine. You know, it'll be fine. I remember that. That day I took them to the daycare. I. I took him to daycare. You know, I'm not gonna charge you, but still, I was like, no. Like, you have your business, you know, with the daycare. I'm not gonna take away that from you. Like, I'm gonna be fine. Just do me a favor, like, take care of them today. I'll come back in the night when I get released from the hospital and I'll pick them up. She's like, I'm not going to charge you for this week. And I was like, no, that's. She was like, no, like, I'm not. And I was like. I was like, damn. Okay.
- [101:28]
B
Yeah.
- [101:29]
A
Not. I'm not one to be asking for help. Not one to. To anything. If I cannot afford getting my stuff. I. You will not see me asking anybody for it. I was like, gracias. Yeah, gracias. I'mma be able to go home with.
- [101:53]
B
The kids, like I'm alive.
- [101:55]
A
Yeah.
- [101:56]
B
Were you scared before getting put down?
- [101:58]
A
I was. Because under anesthetic or anything like that, I was like, oh, thank God. You know, like, I made it. And I was like, for the second time, cuz I was like, like, soy gato. You know, I have seven lives. Let me keep count because this is so.
- [102:18]
B
This is getting too real.
- [102:19]
A
Yeah. So I got, you know, I went to go pick up the kids. We went home. Next day, I was back to work. I didn't have the option to be like, today I feel sick or let me recover. I didn't have that, you know, on a daily. Because it was either that or con que comer. So I was like, no, like, this is not gonna be something that is gonna stop me the same. You know, I continue to go to work not even with one agar epidural. I don't know what an epidural is. I'm very good when it comes to pain. I don't know if it was because of everything that I went through, but. And I was like, this is just a little stone.
- [103:19]
B
Yeah.
- [103:20]
A
Okay. I just have to overcome, you know, like, of everything else. I was like, this is nothing. So, you know.
- [103:33]
B
You know, it's very easy to let your mind, you know, win. Your mind plays with you. Did you ever have moments like that where you're like, this is too much, or was your recovery so. I mean, it was still discomfortable, but was it still very much where you're like, no, I got this. Like, where were you mentally?
- [103:53]
A
Yeah, I was already numb. You know, I think That I was already numb to. To, like, pain. To, like.
- [104:01]
B
Or emotion.
- [104:02]
A
Yeah, emotion. To feel sorry for myself. Like, I think was already numb. That I was like, no, like, I got this, you know, I was like. Like, it's. Yeah, you know, I was like, God is not gonna give me an extra chance. Yeah, just for me to it up.
- [104:24]
B
You went from Villa.
- [104:27]
A
I was like, damn, like, how many more are you gonna send to give me a heads up, you know, so I can get ready? So. No, I feel like I. I was just okay. Yeah, Like, I was okay. And as long as the kids were okay, man, I was like, I, you know, like, freaking drag me on the floor, mop with me, whatever you want, but leave my kids intact.
- [105:04]
B
You become cancer free. What were you feeling.
- [105:16]
A
That I had. Because I had. After that, I had to be going every three months to check. Yeah. For checkups. And then after that, it was supposed to be every six months. So I went for my regular checkup. And they're like, you know what? Good news. The lump obviously was removed. We gave. They gave me a few sessions of chemo just to be on the safe side. And they're like, it looks like everything already came back normal. We don't find any detective detect any cancer. So you're free. You're free of cancer. And I remember that I was like, you know, like, here, I'mma send you this, but here is like a quis toy to LA via, you know, So I was like, okay, like, you know what? You're giving me another chance. So I'm going to go. I'm going to go be close to my family. That's when I decided to get all my stuff, sell them nisiquera del avione agar reboletos el camion in wela familia. So we did. We. We came to LA.
- [106:57]
B
You go over 10 years being cancer free. Yolano pasado dea fortuna. In October, you were diagnosed again with cancer. Was it the same type of cancer?
- [107:07]
A
Same. Same breast, everything?
- [107:12]
B
You know, what was it like this second time around? You know, the first time you had it, your kids were so young. What was it like? Like finding out this time around?
- [107:21]
A
The very first time when I got diagnosed, my kids were so small that I didn't have to explain to them this time around. I think the thing that hurt me the most when I heard you have cancer again was the fact that I had to explain to them because now they're at. At an age that they understand and that they were going to see me, you Know, go through it. The reason why I say that they were going to see me go through it is because this time came a little bit stronger than last time. This time I was borderline stage three. It was more like, okay, I'm going to, you know, start my treatment. Oh, my body is not the same anymore. I'm 10 years older than the first time. So I knew. I was like, my body's probably not going to take it as the first time. So I told them, you know, I think it was through a text message because I couldn't even see them and be like, you know what? The cancer came back. I remember sending them a message, and I told them, you know, that I needed to talk to them, but that the cancer. That I needed them more than ever than ever. You know, like, my side effects were. If you me side effects was yomeria mucho. I will vomit a lot. It was that, you know, so todo esome me causava, like, weakness. I will be so weak. But guess what? I wouldn't stop working yo through my. Through my chemo, through. Through everything. No, it's you again. God. Telling me, like, I. I don't know why, but I mean, so I was like, okay, like, here we go again.
- [109:24]
B
Second rodeo.
- [109:25]
A
The second rodeo. Yeah. Like. Like, bring it, you know, I was like, I'm ready. And I just started crying. You're gonna be okay. I'm here with, you know, not the other way around.
- [110:06]
B
Yeah.
- [110:13]
A
I'm so sorry to recharge yourself. This is not gonna stop about me again. It goes back to the. The same thing at first. Yo soy the head of household mortgage. Mimi Caro. I'm the provider, you know, so I don't have an option. But at the end of the day, I want to think, you know, with. With those people from work. Claudia, if you're watching Adriana, Stephanie, and Jonathan, like, no, I hope you're feeling better, you're strong, and you got this first time. This time is not going to be the exception. And, you know, they were there, and that was that. I mean, extra, you know, like, that was my. My therapy and on the way to work.
- [112:54]
B
Yeah.
- [112:55]
A
You know, and I think I've always gonna be like that. AO7 my struggle. They see me how I get up every day and I go to work, and I come home, and I still make time to. To. Como ques? I'm that. Like, with Amanda. I'm like, almost, you know, like that she has that confianza cormigo, you know, that. That I'm like, damn, okay. Like even things that she knows I'm gonna be tell her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She still tells me because eventually I'm gonna find out. And I rather 100 times know these things from you you than from anywhere else. Because if I know these things from anywhere else, then that's when we're gonna have a problem.
- [114:02]
B
That you have to cultivate over the years. Are you cancer free?
- [114:18]
A
Okay, so I went into New Year's with like a relief.
- [114:24]
B
Yeah.
- [114:25]
A
I'm not gonna tell you I'm 100% cancer free. We're still like, in the terms of like, okay, I, I, I'm done with my chemo. The last time that I checked El tomora via parecido, but we're still gonna have like, check up on it. Yeah, yeah. I still have, have pramente next month an appointment where, you know, we're going to have another ultrasound, another mammogram. The hopes of it is that for now it looks like it's gone, but we still need that extra.
- [114:57]
B
Kind of what you guys went through the first time where they were still kind of testing you a whole year to make sure whether it's someone that is going, going through, you know, cancer or the chemos, and also to the support system around those people that are going through.
- [116:27]
A
Alien. I feel like, like I didn't have that. I did not have patron, you know, even if I'm an emotional wreck at that time and maybe I'm going through more stuff than what you're going through going through. I'm still going to take the time and listen to you, you know, because I don't think that there's such as, like, oh, I'm going through so much. I'm gonna be selfish and I don't want to hear your problems. And the same way that you're feeling, that person is feeling as well, you know, and just because you, you're not vocal enough doesn't mean that other people.
- [118:08]
B
You know, aren't or say, yeah, yeah.
- [118:12]
A
So I'm that I'm that you, you, you go to my house and you can even ask any, any of Amanda's or whoever's, whoever has come to our house is like, I make sure that you feel comfortable in my home. You know, there's el momento. You know, you're gonna be welcome. You need a consejo. Like I, you know, a los amigos de Amanda. Yolo, regano. You know, I tell them, I tell me, hey, like, good, you're doing good, you. But then I also tell them, hey, las Tascagando, you know, And I tell them I'm not your mom, but. But you're doing this wrong. Yeah. Mama Duke like those medicine. Oh, Amanda's mom or Mama Duke, you know, it's like 100% topic. No. I chapters on deasa ser la Persona mas feliz el mundo. Chapters on de. And that's just part of life, you know, at the end of the day, all those chapters libro, you know, de la Persona is.
- [119:56]
B
Yeah.
- [119:57]
A
So don't ever think that, you know, that the year alone.
- [120:06]
B
You struggled with cancer, which before even move from that, you know, you are, you know, cancer free. Somehow along the lines he says, no esto quince.
- [120:46]
A
So mira yo conocial papade de Leo. Actually, he used to do events, so he went to go do an event over there. He was a promoter. So he went to San Antonio with my cousins. They had an event together. And that's where I met him, to be honest with you. And I'm speaking from my part, I think it's from his part too. But from my part, it was amora primera vista. Like, I saw him and I was like, who's that? And like, I was like, okay. We used to talk on the phone, FaceTime for a good six, seven months. I was going through all that, the cancer. I want to be close to my family. I want to see. I swear to you, him, he was 100% to what the kids needed first.
- [122:52]
B
Yeah.
- [122:52]
A
His thing was like, we're gonna go out. It's gonna be to Chuck E. Cheese, because the kids need to come with us. It was always the kids and then us. So for a mom, yo que paratolas mamas parami. That was like. I was like, quiera misijos y noyes que yo estabus No. I just wanted someone who respects.
- [123:17]
B
Yeah.
- [123:17]
A
Them. So I found that with him, you know, he was. He was just there. So. Uriel Noiso, soccer practice, la familia. And we didn't date. It. I don't. I don't count it as dating, because, Kate, you. Not if we went out by ourselves, like, to go have a drink or have dinner. And the 12 year relationship that I had with him, if we went out three times, it was a lot. Yes. Like, we never had our time alone.
- [124:39]
B
Alone, which I think is very important as a couple, regardless whether you're building a family or not, you know?
- [124:45]
A
But I was just so thankful that he was doing what he was doing for my kids that I didn't pay attention to, you know.
- [125:03]
B
Super, you know, rainbow Baby, three miscarriages.
- [126:18]
A
I remember that I made an appointment with the doctor because I was like, I'm spotting. I just want to make sure that everything is okay. Because mind you, 10 years of not having a pregnancy, I was like, my body is changing. You know, maybe this is normal now, you know, maybe it's okay. But I just wanted to make sure that, that everything was going well. So I make an appointment. I remember my sister when she went with me and I remember.
- [127:07]
B
Like it was in good news.
- [127:09]
A
Yeah. You know, like, and mind you, I was already four, four and a half, half months.
- [127:20]
B
Yeah.
- [127:21]
A
So I was already showing, you know, I was already like, what is going on? You know, like he's probably, obviously, you know, he's. We didn't even know what it was at the same time. I was like, you know, I already tried everything. And also your hormone, your pregnancy hormone levels are also declining. They're not going up as, as it's supposed to as your pregnancy progresses. I remember that. I was like, no, like this can't be. You know, like this was a pregnancy that we wanted so bad. I was happy of giving him a kid, making him a first time dad that I was like, there's. You have to wake him up. I don't know, may say, as a matter of fact, going, checking and everything. It looks like your kid or your child stopped growing a month prior to today. Today. So that's why you start kind of feeling like contractions. Contraction pain. Because it's a way of your body saying rejecting something that is no longer supposed to be in there. So where can I make you an appointment in for tomorrow so they can take it out? I remember that. I was like, no. And I remember leaving the, the clinic and my sister was like, I'm so sorry, Changa. She used to call me. She called me changa. She was like, you know, like again, another one of those little bumps that.
- [129:29]
B
You know, I'll be good.
- [129:31]
A
Yeah. So I get in my car and I started crying. I was like, really? God again? And like, donde, donde master? You know, conuna madre is like your kids.
- [129:50]
B
Yeah.
- [129:51]
A
And even though I was still too soon into the pregnancy, you know, I mean, four and a half months, that was still my child. That was my child. And I was like, damn again. So I remember that I get to the house and I tell him at gnc, which is the rasa, that they take out the baby and they clean. And I remember getting to the hospital, I was sitting down, completing all the paperwork that they make you fill out. And I remember completing them and I was spaced. Spaced out.
- [130:27]
B
Like you didn't even know what you were doing?
- [130:29]
A
No, like I was completing them and I was just spaced out and I was like, no, but like, what if. Sista tola via vivo, you know? And I'm, I'm killing it. Like, no, I was, I'm completing the documents and then they put me inside this room. I said all kinds of testing and stuff to get me ready for the dnc. And I remember that LA can throw. Look, I'm. If anything, anything, I'm just gonna ask you for one favor. I was like, just one last time. Can you just please do another ultrasound? I, like, I want to make sure that, like, I just want to make sure. Yeah, you know? And she was like, yeah, that's going to make you feel better. Like, absolutely. So she comes and they do a regular ultrasound and then they do a vaginal ultrasound down. And she was like, no, there's no heartbeat. And I remember, I was like, just, just. Is there anything else that you can do? Another test? Like, I don't want to lose my baby, you know, like, that's my child. He said, no, like we have to get you ready. So. And I remember being like, that's it, the baby's gone. Like, that's it. You know, like, okay, that this is already too much.
- [132:04]
B
Yeah.
- [132:05]
A
You know, you put me through parents that didn't show me what love love was. Mepones through a relationship that dragged me on the mud. You send cancer not once, but two times. Now you want to take away my babies. I was like, was I really that bad of a person? You know, like, what did I do? You know, like so, you know, and I just have to put up with it. I was like, okay, like I got pregnant. Like every time I would go to the restroom, I would change, check to make sure that I wasn't spotting. Like I wouldn't carry heavy stuff or anything. Cuz I was like, I want to make sure that if I was doing something wrong on the first pregnancy, that I'm not doing that now.
- [133:34]
B
The same thing.
- [133:43]
A
Yeah. Like bleeding during pregnancy is not normal, you know?
- [134:39]
B
Do you feel like, you know, super traumatizing, you know what I mean? Like, not that the first time wasn't already traumatizing enough, you know, they did the surgery, Ted or Meron Televantas, and you were kind of just more like, okay, I don't know what happened, you know, you know, not under anesthesia. You just kind of like let it naturally happen.
- [135:32]
A
It's gonna happen again.
- [135:33]
B
Yeah. You were just ready.
- [135:34]
A
Yeah. Like, it's gonna happen again. It's gonna be whatever, God, once and that's it. I have to go through it, you know, Nava, I'm just gonna let it be, you know, If God wants the baby to stay, it's gonna stay. He say, no, I'm just gonna take it. I'm just gonna go. Whatever he says, that's what's gonna be. Here we go again. Attachment with your kids. Wow. I think out of everything.
- [137:19]
B
Or was it very much I'm not enough. Like, I can't even reproduce, you know, sometimes, you know, and your mind kind of takes over.
- [137:52]
A
No, you know, it's him sending us signals, you know, And. And we're not meant to be parents, you and I. You porque. I signed up for a. For a marathon.
- [140:44]
B
Okay?
- [140:45]
A
So, you know, we run the marathon.
- [141:04]
B
Finish line.
- [141:05]
A
Al. Finish line. I was dead. I was like, why am I so tired? Por, like, out of breath, you know? I was like. I could barely made it to the finish line. And it was not even, like a long. It was like a 5K. So I was like, why am I so tired? Why do I feel, like, drained? And I remember that I needed to get my period. And me, I was so on point with my period that. Let's say today was your period day that needed to come. And if it didn't, I was already pregnant. Like, I already knew that. Oh, if it doesn't come, it's because I'm pregnant. So I remember on those days, it was the time that I was going to get my period. I didn't. I didn't get my period. And I was like, oh. I was like, I'm pregnant.
- [141:58]
B
How long after your third miscarriage was this?
- [142:02]
A
All this in a year. The three. Yeah, the three miscarriages were literally within a year. I went from getting pregnant four months, losing my baby, month, getting pregnant, losing my baby and so on. It was like, I didn't give my body a break. A break. And I feel like that was something that was probably one of the factors. Factors of, like, my body not keeping the kids. So it wasn't that long. Again, I went to the doctor. Congratulations, you're pregnant. I did not get happy. I was not happy. I was like, here we go again. Like, this is not. It's not gonna happen.
- [142:53]
B
Yeah.
- [142:53]
A
You know, like, nobody.
- [142:55]
B
You were just like, can we just start the process now? Almost kind of like.
- [142:59]
A
Like, I wasn't even. Yeah, I wasn't even excited. And then to top it Off. I was like, I just ran a 5K marathon. Like, you know, like, no, I was like, I'm just gonna wait for. For it to happen again, you know, for the come out and that's it. Like, okay, no blood. No blood. Three months. And I'm like, okay, no blood. I was like, okay, maybe this one is.
- [143:34]
B
It's the one. Yeah, yeah.
- [143:35]
A
You know, and I remember Cassie to make sure that there was no. No blood. I was still like, he's Brazil. Like, I will rock from one. One side to another.
- [144:19]
B
Yeah.
- [144:20]
A
To. To minimize the. The contraction. Yeah, yeah, it's time. I told him, like, it's time. But I'm gonna wait. I'm gonna wait until p. Because, you know. Yeah, I'm not. I'm going to again do it without an epidural. And I want to go when I'm already like, ready. Yeah. With contractions. They were more intense and more intense. And then like at six in the morning, like, it's time, you know, like, you're. Yeah, there's no way. You're already 8cm dilated. And he said, why did you wait so long? And I like, cuz I know how it works. I have two other kids. You know, I had three miscarriages. I know that, you know, once you're like eight or whatever, like, okay. I wanted to come when I was ready. It may say, okay, so, yeah, I'm in Pieza. Oh, by the way, if you want to get an epidural, you have to let us know now. I said, no. She's like, are you sure? I was like, I have two other kids without an epidural.
- [146:32]
B
I'll be fine.
- [146:33]
A
Yeah. I was like, I know I'm older, you know, and my body might not be the same, but I know I'll be fine. I was like, it's okay. So in. Piezana's contraction is more and more intense. I'm like, damn. I don't remember it being so.
- [146:55]
B
And then I'm sure too, since you said it all happened in the same year. Your body was still recovering. Yeah, it was beating up.
- [147:01]
A
Yeah. My body was like, what the hell is going on? So, yeah, Maybe. Maybe like 40 minutes after we got to the hospital, I had Leo.
- [147:24]
B
What was that like.
- [147:41]
A
So.
- [147:48]
B
Oh, the relief.
- [147:50]
A
Yeah. I was like. And then. And I'm like, you know, like. And then it was at that moment when I was like. Because if any of those three kids. I was like, pasar, hang in there.
- [151:12]
B
And how did you navigate, you know, the divorce afterward?
- [152:05]
A
Entre nosotros Entre pareja. We forgot that we were still young.
- [152:12]
B
Yeah.
- [152:12]
A
You know, senos olido. That we didn't know each other. We thought we knew each other in a deeper level because we never dated. You know, we never had that time where, like, oh, you know, let's sit down and talk about what's your favorite food, what's your favorite color, you know, what do you like to do? I feel com. Okay. We went to, like, with the flow. We just thought we knew everything about each other.
- [152:37]
B
Yeah.
- [152:38]
A
And el commensoa. So elas. Don't talk to me like that.
- [153:52]
B
I'm gonna bring it.
- [153:54]
A
Yeah. And I was completely different to the. The form of, like, now I'm gonna be the one who's gonna have the saying, who's gonna do this? So I was. I was very. I could. I got to the point where I was very disrespectful at some points towards him and, like, up with that, you know, El medea, like, he would tell me, hey, with that person, you know, Persona. Yeah. You feel like nobody understands because they were not in your shoes. But, you know, like, I didn't have to bring that into the relationship and that in that case, I shouldn't even start a All.
- [154:44]
B
You knew.
- [154:45]
A
Yeah.
- [154:45]
B
You know.
- [154:45]
A
Yeah. I. I wasn't. I didn't know anything other than. Than that, so. Yeah. And it didn't work out. It was because roommates, if you will call it like that. You know, I feel like he came to save me.
- [156:10]
B
Yeah.
- [156:10]
A
You know, and I had a lot of respect for him. I still do.
- [156:34]
B
You know, to the full potential that you maybe could have because you were so torn from your last relationship to your, like, amidos. So I feel like it's very normal, too. I feel like, as women, I feel like it's very normal. Especially when you go through so much, you know, you've gone through so much prior to that, you know, about the. After the divorce, you know, how hard was that for you emotionally or even financial? What was it like afterwards?
- [157:24]
A
I got this, you know, like, I've done it before. Now the kids are bigger. I had a third child. I didn't struggle, you know, like, there. That.
- [159:38]
B
It's not about you guys no more. Yeah.
- [159:39]
A
It's about him. It's about making Leo feel good, feel loved. And so he's gonna make sure that he's having fun. No.
- [160:09]
B
Yeah.
- [160:09]
A
No. Am I a bad mom?
- [160:19]
B
Yeah.
- [160:19]
A
For giving Leo more time with his dad when. You know. But then I'm like, no. Like, Leo is feliz. You know? Yo, Leo, I'm like, so, so, so comfortable to know that he's going to be okay. Yeah. That I'm like, I know he's having fun. He loves being with his dad. Right? Yeah. Chicago.
- [161:01]
B
Okay.
- [161:03]
A
Because he didn't want her to go because he was going to miss his dad. Like, Leo cannot go more than a day without seeing his dad. And parami me like, not todos person como el papade. Javier, Amanda, you know, I. I Personas que they actually know the meaning of being a father. And that's him.
- [161:29]
B
Yeah. Do you know, you guys. And you guys can look back. I don't really say this as often, but it's one of my favorite interviews. I was really scared because, I don't know, I just feel like I'm was very like, I get intimidated, you guys. I feel like, not in like a bad way, but I just feel like I'm like, okay. I think I speak good English. Spanish. I mean, oh, maybe I don't know Spanish that good. So I was a little nervous, you know, it's life, you know, And I love that. And you guys know that that's the big reason why I love doing the podcast because. Because I love telling stories that not only, you know, make you realize like, oh, shit, I went through all of that, but then also makes the audience realize, like, see, if she went through all of that, then I can get through whatever the hell I am going through. Because el poder esque, Alfindel. Whatever you're going through. Exactly. You know what's so funny? I didn't mention it, but it's all perspective, you guys, like. And it's that simple, you guys, I'm not even going to explain it because there is no explaining to that. It really is perspective and cigira, whether that's professionally, whether that is personal. Retire.
- [163:42]
A
Retire. Yeah, that's something that I. I want to do. Personas that I've given money to gold in five years is to have someone, something stable. I'm ready for that. I'm ready for everything. I want to get to that. I'm open to anything. I'm open to that now. I know it matches me. So when the next chapter of my life.
- [166:51]
B
And you know, I just want to take the time you guys, to say that I hope you guys watch this episode and we're able to like, someone can relate to, you know. So with that being said, you guys, thank you so much.
- [167:37]
A
Conserve the cheese messy, pero con.
- [168:30]
B
And I feel like yomerica to really, you know, and I feel like the past two years, yo medicado in, you know, you know, El Mirarque that have gone through things maybe worse or not as bad as what you've gone through, but I really want to see say thank you. Thank you to Amanda, you guys. And with that being said, you guys down below, I'll leave all her social medias down below as well as Amanda. Amanda Itambien, so you guys don't miss any future episodes. And with that being said, thank you once again.
- [169:55]
A
Thank you.
- [169:55]
B
Thank you guys so much for watching. And we'll see you guys in the next one. Bye, guys.
- [170:00]
A
Yay.
- [170:01]
B
You did so good.