Maricsa Talks All: Childhood, Deportation, Breakup, EX-Suegra, CHISME & MORE!!

Summary

Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized: Episode Summary

Episode Title: Maricsa Talks All: Childhood, Deportation, Breakup, EX-Suegra, CHISME & MORE!!
Release Date: December 20, 2024
Host: Alannized
Guest: Mara

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1. Introduction to Mara's Background

The episode opens with Host Alannized welcoming Mara, an 18-year-old aspiring content creator from Modesto, California. Mara shares insights into her upbringing as the youngest and only girl among three brothers, growing up in a trailer park. This humble beginning fostered a strong sense of resilience and camaraderie among the siblings.

Notable Quote:
Mara at [09:09]:
"I think I had a really good childhood. I grew up with three brothers. Me being the youngest. I am the only girl. We grew up in a trailer park, which is one of the best things, honestly, that I think that could have happened. Really humble beginnings. Yeah. I just think it was beautiful."

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2. Impact of Father's Deportation

A pivotal moment in Mara's life was her father's deportation when she was six years old. She recounts the confusion and emotional turmoil following his sudden absence, which significantly altered her family's dynamics. Mara explains how her mother's role expanded as she took on additional work to support the family, leading Mara to adopt a tomboyish demeanor due to the lack of feminine guidance.

Notable Quotes:
Mara at [10:17]:
"My dad was deported when I was six years old. I feel like it took me years to actually talk to him on the phone because I was like, where are you? Like, I need you, but I can't have you."

Mara at [12:03]:
"I was just me and my siblings. My dad wasn't there. My mom was always at work. I feel like that changed me because I never really showed me how to be girly, so I started being a tomboy."

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3. Loss of a Sibling and Grieving Process

Mara delves into the heartbreaking loss of her brother in 2020 due to cancer complications during the COVID-19 pandemic. She describes the intense emotional struggle, including the initial disbelief, the challenges of limited hospital visits due to the pandemic, and the enduring grief that followed his passing. Mara emphasizes how this loss deepened her bond with her mother and reshaped her understanding of faith and resilience.

Notable Quotes:
Mara at [26:54]:
"He was like, I can't breathe. He was like, no, 'puerto espirar.' And we were like, what? Like, what do you mean? I was panicking, so I was like, I can't."

Mara at [30:28]:
"I couldn't cry. I feel like the only reason why she continued is because she had me. Because I was still little."

Mara at [35:27]:
"There was this one time where I was just going through it, and I was praying to him and to God to just remove everything that was bad in my life. That's when my brother passed away."

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4. Navigating Personal Relationships and Public Breakup

The conversation shifts to Mara's tumultuous relationship with her ex-partner, highlighting issues of trust and infidelity. Mara recounts how her ex frequently cheated with a specific friend, leading to repeated conflicts and ultimately a public breakup exacerbated by her ex's inclination to share personal grievances on social media. This exposure intensified the pain and made the breakup more challenging to navigate.

Notable Quotes:
Mara at [49:08]:
"It was good in the beginning. We just always had differences in what we wanted. Since I was her first relationship, she really didn't understand how a relationship goes."

Mara at [53:28]:
"The last time it happened was in September of this year. I found out on her grandma's birthday. And that made me sad. I was over at her house. I just got weird vibes again."

Mara at [68:21]:
"I was dumb for staying, but stuff happened. After that, I felt like I just became toxica."

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5. Coming Out and Embracing Sexuality

Mara opens up about her journey of self-discovery and coming out as bisexual at the age of 14 or 15. She describes the initial fear of her mother's reaction and the societal pressures of being the only girl in a household with traditional views. Over time, Mara found acceptance and strength in her identity, leading to a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Notable Quotes:
Mara at [44:46]:
"I was scared because, for me, it was more like my mom having four kids, three sons, and a daughter. Me being the only girl to end up liking girls too is kind of crazy."

Mara at [47:23]:
"My mom was always iffy about it initially, but now she doesn't care. She's like, 'Oh, look at her,' and I'm like, 'No, Mom, no.'"

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6. Educational and Career Aspirations

Discussing her future, Mara shares her decision to pursue cosmetology over a longer, debt-heavy college education. She found passion and satisfaction in becoming a nail technician, crediting an inspiring teacher who made her educational experience enjoyable and meaningful. Mara aspires to complete her certification and eventually establish her own business.

Notable Quotes:
Mara at [76:56]:
"I ended up choosing nail tech because it was six grand compared to ten grand for cosmetology. My experience was so fun, especially with this one teacher who made it better."

Mara at [81:01]:
"I hope to own a house and start a family young because my dad was older. I want to see what happens."

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7. Coping Mechanisms and Personal Growth

Mara emphasizes the importance of maintaining distractions to cope with grief and emotional turmoil. She discusses the role of social media, YouTube, and personal hobbies in helping her navigate through difficult times. Additionally, her renewed faith and reliance on God played a significant role in her healing process.

Notable Quotes:
Mara at [42:04]:
"I couldn't get through it. I was about to cancel that day, but my grandpa wouldn't want me to. I had to keep going."

Mara at [76:15]:
"Just trust God. I've gotten really into God after we broke up. You just have to let go and let God."

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8. Advice for Listeners

In concluding the episode, Mara offers heartfelt advice to listeners dealing with similar struggles. She underscores the importance of faith, letting go, and surrounding oneself with supportive relationships to overcome personal challenges and heartbreak.

Notable Quote:
Mara at [76:15]:
"Just trust God. You have to let go and let God."

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Conclusion

This episode of Noche de Pendejadas provides a profound and intimate look into Mara's life, exploring themes of family, loss, identity, and resilience. Through her candid storytelling, Mara not only shares her personal journey but also offers valuable insights and encouragement to listeners facing their own struggles.

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Follow Mara and Alannized:

• Instagram, Twitter, TikTok: @alannized
• Subscribe to the Podcast: Ensure you don't miss future episodes filled with drama, chisme, and authentic conversations.

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Note: Advertisements, promotional segments, and non-content sections have been excluded from this summary to focus on the core discussions and insights shared during the episode.

Transcript

[Alan Iced]

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[Marixa]

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[Alan Iced]

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[Marixa]

I love Aura Frames because you guys know I love taking pictures con mis amigos, con mi familia y pues de yo miso amigas yuste saben that I love to display my pictures. And what better way than with my Aura frames looking through all the pictures that I had loaded onto my Aura frame. I love my Aura frames you guys because not only does it make for a really cute decorational piece in your house, but it also makes it a really fun one.

[Alan Iced]

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[Mara]

I had told my ex. I was like, oh, like, can you tell your mom to delete this video? Like, I really don't want it on the Internet. And then she's like, oh, yeah, I told my mom. And she told her mom, and her mom was like, no, I'm not gonna take it.

[Alan Iced]

What is up, everyone?

[Marixa]

I'm your host, Alan Iced, and this is Noche de Pendejadas, your favorite podcast turn talk show. And on the Yota Trago atus influencers favoritos para platicar y PO s. So without any further ado, please help me welcome my guest tonight. Marixa.

[Mara]

Hello.

[Alan Iced]

How are you?

[Mara]

I'm good.

[Marixa]

You're a little nervous.

[Mara]

Yeah.

[Marixa]

Before we get started, can we just talk about how many people have been waiting for this episode? The amount of comments you guys get. Evisto. In my videos. In your videos? Literally all my mentions are full with traila. Traila. And I was like, you know what? Because, you know, with everything going on online. But before we get started, I'm feeling good, feeling nervous.

[Mara]

I'm. I can't believe it. Honestly, I'm just.

[Marixa]

Wait, before we get started, you flew in last night. How was that?

[Mara]

It was scary. It was my first time flying. I honestly thought that the airports were gonna be a lot more complicated, but it was. It was like, whatever. When we were on the plane, there was, like, a lot of turbulence and I got window seat. So, like, every time the plane would tilt, like, I'd see it, I'd be like, oh, my God. Like, don't look like I'm scared. Like, it's gonna fall.

[Marixa]

You're like, I'm not even gonna like.

[Mara]

Ali, I'm so sorry.

[Marixa]

No, you guys, I was so scared. Well, not really scared for anything happening on the plane. I was scared for you not making her for you to have trouble even boarding on. Because a day prior I was trying to get her, like, set up with, like, your Apple wallet, but I keep all, like, on her phone so she can just show up and scan it. But you weren't able to, like, figure it out, huh?

[Mara]

I was stressing. I was like, oh, my God. I was like, I. I'm like, I can't put them in my wallet.

[Marixa]

Were you able to do it the next day?

[Mara]

Yes, I was. I was.

[Alan Iced]

I did.

[Marixa]

See you brought your belluche Is that like, a comfort?

[Mara]

Yes, that's my bunny. I should have brought her.

[Marixa]

You should have. Right next to you.

[Mara]

I love my bunny. I made a tick tock and I put, like. It was like the I love trend. Have you seen it? And I put my bunny as that. One of the things, I'm like, oh, my God, you have a bunny. And I'm like, it's.

[Marixa]

When did you get that bunny?

[Mara]

I got her, I want to say, like, four or five years ago at Walmart.

[Marixa]

And it just became, like, a comfort thing.

[Mara]

Yeah.

[Marixa]

So doermes conelito.

[Mara]

I had a bringer.

[Marixa]

But you know what? I don't judge you guys. Like, at my grown ass age, I still sleep with the teddy bear my boyfriend.

[Mara]

The one that he restored.

[Marixa]

Yes, that one. But my boyfriend tambien Danny exposed me about that one. But Danny sleeps with a build a bear I got him when we first started dating that build a bear Parese que lo paso por el cul amigas. Because it's so d. Like, it's so dirty. And I literally told him two days ago. I was like, babe, your build a bear is so dirty. Maybe we should watch. He's like, don't touch it. I like it like that. And I was like, okay.

[Mara]

Dirty bitch.

[Alan Iced]

Ah.

[Marixa]

Like, all right. But he says that it gives him comfort because it. I don't know. He said.

[Mara]

Oh.

[Marixa]

Literally. And I'm like, all right, that's a red flag. But you know what is cute? Literally, I'm like, I'm about to break up. But you know what I think is so cute, though? It has, like, a little voice of me saying, I love you, baby. And I swear to God, you guys, guys, every single night before we go to sleep, he, like, pushes it, and it still works. I did. I'm not gonna lie. It is kind of, like, fading away a little bit. And I told Danny. I was like, oh, we should probably go and get, like, a new little sonidito so, like, we can, you know, so it can be updated and it can still sonar bien. Because it's literally, like, very. Like, you can barely distinguish what it's saying because you know when you've had them for so long. Yeah. Como que pier de la bos. But. But I did see that, and I was like, moore, that is so me. Comment down below. Amigas, like a comfort peluche. Wait, so you bought it? No one gave it to you?

[Mara]

No, Yeah, I think my mom bought it for me. I made her buy it for me.

[Alan Iced]

That's really cute.

[Marixa]

I like that.

[Mara]

Hi, my name is Mara. I'm 18 years old. I'm from a city up north called Modesto, California, and I'm trying to become a content creator.

[Marixa]

You've been posting a lot recently, huh? Do you like posting or no?

[Mara]

Yeah, it's fun.

[Marixa]

It is fun. I feel like once you get, like, the hang of social media, Como que tadictas? You're like, oh, my God, I want to keep posting. I want to keep posting. And I love that, you guys, every single time I see her, TikToks Ayando Empicad amigas. And I'm so excited that I love starting with, because I feel like it is very important to really get to know who you were before you even got on social media, how you were growing up, because all that really does, you know, contribute to the person you are today that I always start off with. How are you growing up?

[Mara]

I think I had a really good childhood. I grew up with three brothers. Me being the youngest. I am the only girl. We grew up in a trailer park, which is one of the best things, honestly, that I think that could have happened. Really humble beginnings. Yeah. I just think it was beautiful.

[Marixa]

What was it like growing up being the only girl? Did they spoil you more? Because. What was that like?

[Mara]

I want to say yes and no. My brothers always say, like, yeah, mom always got you everything. This and that. And I'm like, no, I didn't. Like, she didn't give me that one doll once.

[Marixa]

Literally, you're like, I remember, all right. So you can't say she got me everything.

[Mara]

Literally. Being an only girl was. Was. It was cool, but it was. I wouldn't say hard because, like, my brothers would, like, bully me because I was only. Like, I was the only girl. Definitely tough love. But, yeah, we'd always be fighting and stuff. And then when I started getting into dating, they were like, you're like, who are you dating? Literally, it was. It was a whole thing.

[Marixa]

Your dad was deported and como.

[Mara]

I was six years old. I don't think I fully realized until I was older what was actually happening. I just remember that I think he was going on a trip to work, and he just didn't come back. And I was like, oh, like, where's my dad? Like, where? Where is he? And then I don't know if, like, little me just got the hint, but he'd always call us, and I feel like I knew that something was wrong because he'd call us, and I just started crying because I was really. I was really attached to my dad. So it was like. It was so sad. Honestly, I feel like it took me years to actually talk to him on the phone because I was like, where are you? Like, I need you, but I can't have you type of thing.

[Marixa]

Do you remember, like, the moment where your mom sat you down and was like, mijayras, your dad was actually deported. Did you have a moment where it finally, like, hit you?

[Mara]

Well, my mom never, like, sat me down and told me. It was just. I think I just put two and two together.

[Marixa]

Eventually, you know. You know, does change, you know, your life completely. How do you feel like not having a present in your life changed? Not just yours, but your whole family's life?

[Mara]

I feel like it changed at least how? Like, my point of view is I was such a daddy's girl when I was little. Like, the time that he was there. And then after, like, my mom had to start working because my dad was, like, the one working. I want to say, like, I was just. It was just me and my siblings. My dad wasn't there. My mom was always at work. I feel like that, like, changed me in a way because. Am I gonna cry? I'm just kidding. I feel like that changed me in a way because I never, like, my mom never really showed me how to be girly, so I started being, like, a. Like a tomboy.

[Marixa]

Yeah.

[Mara]

And then my mom, like, didn't like that because she was like, oh, like, why are you dressing like that? And I was like, that's all I know. Like, I'm growing up with my brothers, you know, like, what am I supposed to do? I felt like basically both of my parents weren't present, but at. Like, they were, but they weren't, you know, like, it was kind of bad because, like, when I first started my period, I didn't even know what it was because, like, my mom had never told me. You know how, like, Mexican people are, like, they don't tell you. They tiptoe around it. And then I was like, oh, my God. Like, I couldn't tell my brothers because that was weird, you know?

[Marixa]

And then you never brought it up to your mom. You're like, oh, my God, Mom, I'm bleeding. I'm dying. So you just kind of figured it out by yourself?

[Mara]

Yeah.

[Marixa]

How?

[Mara]

Online I was like, what is this?

[Marixa]

Like, why am I bleeding? Literally, what do you feel like was the hardest part, you know, of not having your dad present in your life?

[Mara]

I feel like this would go for anybody that doesn't have, like, either parent or, like, parents in General is seeing everybody like do like the Father's Day stuff or stuff like that. Or like I remember one time at school they had like a oh, bring your dad to school day. And I was like, well, I can't, you know, like him not being able to come to like just like I feel like my main events, like my high school graduation, middle school and then like recently too.

[Marixa]

No, how is that? You know, you start having little communication with your Daniels cuentas. It took you years to start talking to him on the phone because you would cry. Did you ever feel like you almost kind of disconnected?

[Mara]

Yeah, from him. I definitely learned how to live without him. And then we'd talk on the phone and stuff and it's like I like, I know he's my dad, I love him. Like I do anything for him. But like, it's like we know each other but we don't at the same time.

[Marixa]

Yeah.

[Mara]

Like the distance is like, I feel like like is the problem obviously. And it's not like we can just go like whenever we want to. Yeah. We recently went to go visit him. I think it was in the beginning of November. I hadn't seen him, I want to say since 2021. Before that, I hadn't seen him since I was six years old. So I went for my 15th birthday. That's like almost whole 10 years that I had to see my dad. I feel like, because when I was little I was probably like, eh, like, you know, like it's a call, you know, but like now that I'm older and he's getting older, I'm like, I need to start talking to him more because you know, like he's not going to be here forever, sadly, you know.

[Marixa]

How was it like the first time you went for your 15? So you know, were you excited? What was paint as a picture? You know, obviously your mom didn't go. Was that nerve wracking? Like you're like, oh my God, I'm gonna go meet my dad. But I really don't know him like that. What was that like?

[Mara]

Well, I actually went with my brother and well, both of my brothers, we went on the Greyhound buses. It was crazy because I was like, oh my God, like you're here. Like, you know, like it's not like I'm seeing you like on FaceTime anymore. It was a bittersweet moment. Oh my God, I'm gonna cry. No, like when I seen him again after, it was like six year old me just came out and then when I went like, and I was like, Oh, I missed you so much. You know, like, this is what I needed, like, my whole life.

[Marixa]

No s. Cuentas. You know that you guys stopped seeing each other for another, what, 15 to now? Three years. Yeah. Cabazade. How was this time? Do you feel like, you know, now that you're going more often, your guys's relationship is starting to, like, pick up again?

[Mara]

No. Yes, definitely. I feel like I can be more open with him and talk about, like, more things with him, because I feel like he was. I feel like he was really stuck on, like, oh, like, you're a little girl. He kind of didn't understand me, like, where I was coming from because, like, I didn't have him there. So, like, I guess you can say, like, he didn't know what we were going through over here because he was over there. And it was just. It was just hard, honestly. And then now he's like, okay, like, you're growing up. Like, you know, you have to, like, explore, like, do what you want, basically.

[Marixa]

How do you feel like, you know, not having your dad present affected you guys financially? Do you feel like you saw, you know, your mom go through, like, rough patches or, like, trying to work to make ends meet because she no longer had your dad providing? No.

[Mara]

Yeah. I definitely saw my mom working hard because my dad was a field worker, and my mom started working in the fields, too. And I'm like, like, being a field worker is hard. Is a hard job. And then being a woman doing that to, like, provide for four kids by yourself, like, that's a lot. Give my mom a lot of props for that. I don't think I'd be able to work in the fields and do that personally.

[Marixa]

You saw your mom struggle and you saw your mom work. Do you feel like because of that, your relationship with your mom became stronger because you appreciated and saw everything she was doing for you and your siblings?

[Mara]

Yeah, our relationship definitely, I feel like, got stronger because I always, like, I always understood her because, like, every time she'd be like, oh, like. And I'd be like, okay, like, I get it.

[Marixa]

Yeah.

[Mara]

You know, and, like, her herself, like, she's always told me that she's like, like, I'm really, like, basically thankful that you, like, under, like, understood, like, me especially, like, you know, I was little, like, having to, like, understand that it's like, it's hard. Yeah.

[Marixa]

Yeah, sometimes because as kids, we can be brats and, like, not really realize what's going on.

[Mara]

I feel like I've always known that we were, like, less fortunate regardless what me and my family went through, like the deportation stuff, I feel like it really shaped us in how we are, like how we are connected. I feel like it made us really appreciate our parents, like not having them, like around. Like you really take them for granted. Thankfully, I still have my mom with me. We get into it like a lot. But she knows I love her and she knows that I'd literally do anything for her because all the sacrifices that she did for me and my brothers, like all this time and still now. It's crazy. She's so strong for losing her husband and then having to be a single mom with four. With four kids.

[Alan Iced]

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[Marixa]

I love aura frames because you guys know I love taking pictures con mis amigos, con mi familia y pues de yo miso amigas yuste estaben that I love to display my pictures. And what better way than with my aura frames looking through all the pictures that I had loaded onto my aura frame. I love my aura frames, you guys, because not only does it make for a really cute decorational piece in your house, but it also makes it a really fun one.

[Alan Iced]

Save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get $35 off Ora's best selling carver Matte frames by using promo code alanized at checkout. That's aur aura frames.com promo code Alanized this deal is an exclusive to listeners, so get yours now in time for the holidays. Terms and conditions apply. Today's episode is brought to you by Alma. Alma believes that therapy is more impactful when you feel heard and understood. That's why they help people find a therapist who really gets them the right someone to talk to. Not just anyone. Alma can help you find a therapist who gets you. When you browse the directory, you can filter by what you want to focus on. For example, anxiety, relationship or big life transitions, as well as any preference around gender, sexuality, faith and more. Alma can help you find a Therapist who takes your insurance. People who find in Network care through Alma save an average of 77% on the cost of therapy. It's easy to get started with alma. Browse the directory without creating an account or sharing payment information. You can book a free consultation call with any therapist you're interested in seeing. These 15 minute calls give you a chance to see if they're a good fit for you so you can find someone you really click with. Even though I'm currently not in therapy, I know the importance of having someone in my life who truly understands where I'm coming from. For those of you guys that follow me, Obia Mentos de Sabina. The past month and a half has been one of the hardest moments months of my life and going through everything I've been through this past month with my grandpa's passing. I wish I could have been in therapy prior and during the process to really help me kind of navigate these feelings of grief to join therapy. If you've been considering finding a licensed professional to help you work through your own life challenges, give ALMA a try. ALMA can help you find the right therapist. This for you, not just anyone. Visit hello Alma.com Allen to get started and schedule a free consultation today. That's hello a l m a.com Allen.

[Marixa]

Do you feel like because you were always, you know, home with your brothers, you feel like it made your guys's relationship stronger?

[Mara]

I feel like yes and no. Well, no. Yeah. Like, I always knew that I was different. Like, I always wanted to like do rough things and stuff like that. My mom would always be like, no, like, you're a girl, you can't do that. And I'd be like, you know, so I'd always like, like play around with my brothers, fight with them and like play video with video games with them and everything. I feel like that definitely brought us closer. One of the funniest memories that I have when I was little is one time me and my family, we went to go eat Mariscos and tacos. There was like a launcher on one side that was a Mariscos and another launcher on the other side that was was tacos. My family was sitting on the Marisco side and then my dad was like, oh, like, do you want like, Mariscos? And I was like, no, like I want some tacos. So I went like, I ordered them myself, I got them and I was so freaking excited for my tacos. And I was holding them and I was like, so excited to go eat. So I started running. I remember there were two tacos they were playing like la pura carne. And I was so excited. I was literally holding them and I was like, I'm so excited, like, I'm going to eat these. And I started running. I was like, I'm so excited to eat these. So I started running. And the next thing you know, just right on my face.

[Marixa]

Wait, you tripped on something?

[Mara]

Yes. I'm just kidding. No, I was crying. It was so bad. I started crying and my dad was like, no. And it was like, my brother never lets me forget that story. Like every time he meets, like one of my friends or something, that's the first story that you'll hear.

[Alan Iced]

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[Marixa]

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[Alan Iced]

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[Marixa]

And how did you react?

[Mara]

I remember it all started because he had this pain in his back and then we were like, oh, like, what is it? We, we went to like the doctors and stuff and they would say like, oh, like it's nothing, you know? Well, my mom ended up taking him to another hospital and then I think they took out like something because it was like a specific place in his back and like to like test it. And they did. And then that's when they found out he had cancer and we were like, oh, my God. It was just really devastating because I feel like our family, like. Like, didn't have anybody that had went through that or anything. Like, we didn't know how. Like. Like, nobody knows how to deal with it. So he finds out he has cancer. He tells my mom, and then, like, we find out. At the time, it wasn't, I guess, anything really serious. So they just sent him home with us. Oh, my God, I'm going to cry. I don't want to cry. They sent him back home with us. And then I remember this was, like, when Covid was hitting. Like, this happened in 20. 2020 covered was hitting. And then at the time, me and him, we shared a room. I remember one night, I was playing among us, 2020, you know, so I was playing among us on my phone. It was already, like. It was so late. It's probably like, midnight. He wakes up and he tells me. He's like, oh, like, go to sleep already. And I was like, okay. Like, yeah. Like, I will. So, like, yo, my. You know, and then he just tells me. He was like, oh, go call mom. And I was like, why? And because it was like the middle of the night, you know, I was like, oh. Like, I can help you, you know, like, if anything. And he was like, oh, no. Like, go call your mom. And I was like, okay, so I want to go call my mom. And then. Ooh, I want to go call my mom. And then my mom comes, and then he's like, I can't breathe. He was like, no puerto espirar. And we were like, what? Like, what do you mean? I was panicking, so I'm like, 14, don't know what to do. And then my mom was like, call the ambulance. And I was like, like, I can't. Like, I can't.

[Marixa]

Like, you froze?

[Mara]

Yeah. Like, oh, yeah. And it was like, you know, like, I had. I. I had never done that before. Like, I call the ambulance, you know, Like, I tried to, you know, do as much as I could. The ambulance got there. They were like, oh, like, we're going to take him. But no one can go with him because it was Covid, so he had to go by himself. And that was the last time I seen him alive. It was that night, and I did not know that. That. Oh, I don't want to cry.

[Marixa]

How long was he in the hospital after that night before he passed away?

[Mara]

A week.

[Marixa]

What was it like when you guys got the call from the hospital? Like, hey, you know what? He didn't make it.

[Mara]

Well, before that, I think it was, like, two days before because we couldn't go visit him.

[Marixa]

Yeah.

[Mara]

Like, it was just bad timing with.

[Marixa]

Everything just to, like, FaceTimes.

[Mara]

No, yeah, we did that. We did a FaceTime. And then they were like, oh, like, he's getting better. Like, you know, like, have faith, have hope. Like, he's getting better. And then, oh, I don't want to cry. They're telling us that he's getting better. I think that morning they had told him, like, oh, like, he's doing good. And then, like, a couple hours later, they were like, oh, like, you guys need to come. Like, he might not make it. And we were like, oh, my God. We get to the hospital, and then my mom and my older brother go. Because I think they were only letting, like, two people go. My brother got there, and he was like, no, like, we have to go. Like, this is our brother. So we went, and when we got there, it was already too late. He had already passed away. It was so bad. It, like, broke me a lot because he had just, like, moved back in, and we were getting really close, and he was like, like, telling me stuff. Like, he would, like, also realize because I was. I was 14. Like, he knew, like, I was already gonna get older. I was gonna start exploring new things and stuff like that. And he'd always just talk to people about. Talk to me about things, like, about life and stuff. That's what hurt a lot, because I guess I was never really close to any of my brothers until, like, he moved in because we were. I'm 18. It just broke me, really, because I feel like I wouldn't necessarily say he was a glue to our family, but I feel like he was. At the same time, he was always different than all of us. Like, he was, like, just such a jokester, such a family person and stuff. He's also one of the reasons why I like making a lot of jokes, too. Like, me and my. My brother, we joke around, like, always, like, every day. And I like that, like, always brings me back, like, a little piece of my brother.

[Marixa]

Did he go through chemo or what type of cancer did he have testicle cancer?

[Mara]

It started there, and then it just went, like, to his lungs, and then that's when he, like, stopped breathing and stuff. I think he just went through one, like, one session of chemo. Oh, two sessions of chemo.

[Marixa]

Did you feel like it really hit her heart, too?

[Mara]

No. Yeah, it was. It was bad. It was bad on all of us. But I feel like seeing my mom, like, that it was like something else. It was. Was, you know, like being there and then seeing how much she was crying for his son. It's like something I don't wish on anybody. I feel like no one should ever go through a loss of a sibling or losing a child. Cuz seeing the pain that my mom went through, like, she's so strong for that. Like, I feel like I couldn't. I feel like the only reason why she continued is because she had me. Because I was still. I was still little.

[Marixa]

Being so little. How do you feel like you were able to cope with the loss of your brother? Do you feel like you did specific things or how was just the whole, you know, grieving process for you? Do you feel like the fact that your brother was no longer, you know, with you guys. No.

[Mara]

Yeah. It took me. It took me so long to like accept it. I didn't fully accept until earlier this year. Like it was. It was so bad. I want to say I honestly became delusional because I was like, no, like, like, you know, like cuz he used to live, I want to say like an hour, 30 minutes away from us. So I was like, oh, he's just at home, you know, like he's just at home. Like, you know, like he'll come one day.

[Marixa]

I think a part of grieving is being a little dulu. Six months ago, literally like two days ago. I always say that the reason why I've been able to like still continue going is because. El Fayacion, Mexico, right? You know, I don't have papers either, so I didn't get to see him like that last time. But before him passing away. And even till this day, like, I'll still mentally think like, oh, barre gresar un dia de estos babenida Mexico. And he's gonna open my house door and say hello. You know, it's even gotten so bad, you guys, that on my sister's birthday, fumos a comer, right? Fu mos jo mi familia. And my grandma was there and I sat next to my grandma just to kind of like. And I stopped myself because I was about to ask her, like, oh, y comosta m a huelita? Like, you know what I mean? Because like, sometimes you kind of do have to like make your brain and mind think like, oh, they're still here.

[Mara]

I feel like I was just in an awkward spot because Covid was happening. I was about to start high school. Like I had. It was just. It was just. I don't know.

[Marixa]

Do you feel like it even made it harder for you to like, you know, really focus on. You're like, oh, like I'm trying to figure out who I am as a person. You know, you're entering high school, which is a very prominent time of your life life, but you're also going through so much, you know, at home.

[Mara]

No. Yeah, it was so. It was so bad. Like, I remember sometimes I'd just be on my phone and I just see like once like one sad tick tock and I was bawling and I'd go tell my mom and I'd be like, mom, like, I miss him. Like, I really do. Like, oh, I'd always tell her to bring him back, even though I know she couldn't. And it was so bad because I was. I was so religious until that point. I stopped believing God for so long because, like, when I. We found out about everything, I'd like pray to him like every night. Like. Like, you know, just. Just let him live. Just let him live. And obviously he didn't. I turned away from God for so long for like those. These entire four. The entire four years.

[Marixa]

Yeah.

[Mara]

Like, I recently just started getting into him because I was like, you know.

[Marixa]

Like, like, if you were real, why would you let that happen?

[Mara]

Yeah, yeah. That and some other stuff just really made me realize, like, you know, like, it just had to happen. Like, you know, life just had to go that way.

[Marixa]

You know, you just started accepting the fact that your brother was no longer here this year. Do you remember that moment for you? Like, do you remember where you're like, oh, you know what? Like, like, I gotta stop, you know, not accepting it. Do you remember that moment specifically?

[Mara]

When I was gonna graduate high school, I was inviting like, my family and then I was like, he's not gonna come. Like, as much as I want him to, he's not gonna come. I feel like that's what really got me because him and my brother, that's right here, they'd always come to my events. Like, anything that I had, like them to. Oh, they'd always come. It's just that time, it was just like he wasn't there. Everybody says time heals, but I feel like it doesn't. Like, with things because like this I feel like I'll never heal from it. He was such an important piece in my life and to get it wiped away from one day to another is crazy. I just feel like you just have to slowly accept it. Like they're always gonna be there even though they're not here. Like, that's what I Came to realization, like, he's here. Not physically, but he's always here. Sometimes, like, when I'm praying and stuff, like. Because I pray every night. Like, I just. I literally just started praying every night. Like, I stopped praying to God. And then I'll be like, okay, like, I'm gonna talk to my brother now. And I'm always like, oh. Like, I tell him about my day, like, what I did. Like, I told him about this and everything. Like, in my head, he's like, oh, yeah. Like, that's so cool. This and that. And then, like, I start. I start cracking jokes with him. Like, even though, like, I know he. Like, you can't let them die. You have to keep them alive. Like, one way or another.

[Marixa]

Have you ever had a moment where you have felt him? Like, not physically, but almost phys here, you know. You know, if you're going through something and you know the signs of, like, oh, I'm here watching over you. Have you had a moment like that?

[Mara]

Yeah. There was this one time where I was just going through it, and I was praying to him and to God to just remove everything that was bad in my life. I was like, just remove everything that's bad. Like, just, like, you know, take it away. And that's the night me and my ex broke up. It was definitely my brother in God, because when I had accepted him, I had never prayed. Prayed. I had never prayed like idols, like, oh, you know, like, bucket. You know, I remember I was in class and I was like, I need to pray right now. I don't know why, but I need to pray right now. So I started praying. I was like, God, and I was talking to my brother. I was like, take anything away. Like, that's bad. Like, right now. And that's when we broke up that same night.

[Marixa]

Like, you're like, this is a sign from God and my brother.

[Mara]

I don't know if this is weird, but, like, me and my family, we just make random noises out of nowhere. Like, it's me. Like, all of us, we all just do it. And sometimes, like, oh, my God, I sound weird. I'm like, I just be making random noises. Like, sometimes I'll hear something. I'm like, oh, my God, he used to do that. Or like, there was, like, a certain way that he'd laugh. Yeah, every time I hear it, like, someone laugh like that, I'm like, that's literally you. I feel like something else that reminds me a lot about him is Pokemons. He loved Pokemon. Pokemons. There was a specific one. I think it was Squirtle or Bubblesaur. And I like never see those Pokemons anywhere. So every time I do see when I'm like, you're right there, like you're with me. Yeah, again, some of the most random times ever too. Like I remember I don't even know where I was. I think I was at the mall. Like at the mall where I'm from, there's a hello Kitty store. They have like other stuff too, like Minions and like, you know, like this.

[Unknown]

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[Mara]

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[Unknown]

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[Mara]

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[Mara]

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[Unknown]

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[Marixa]

Yes.

[Unknown]

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[Marixa]

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[Mara]

Destiny awaits you.

[Marixa]

You can grab your friends and experience Mufasa the Lion King in 3D. Everything the light touches belongs to me.

[Mara]

Me.

[Marixa]

You'll have to take it.

[Unknown]

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[Marixa]

Disney's Mufasa the Lion King. Oh, yeah, that looks good. Now playing only Peters parental guidance suggested.

[Unknown]

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[Marixa]

Like Soho. Like those, like, little stores. Cece, I know which one.

[Mara]

Yeah, yeah, there was just one. I think it was like an ornament. And it was like. I don't know if it was Bubble Source Squirtle, but I just seen it and I was like, oh, my God, that's you. Like, you're right here. I personally feel like my family just dealt with it, like, with each other. Like, I feel like our family definitely got closer because we're like, well, we can't take any of us for granted now. Personally, I feel like I just isolated myself a lot. I was just in my room. I didn't want to come out. I just be listening to music on my phone. Like, not, like, nothing's changed, but, you know, and, like, YouTube would always just distract me. Like, I've always been a YouTube girly. Like, even though, like, there's a million shows out there, like, Nothing compares to.

[Marixa]

YouTube in my head, I do think distractions are very important, you know, like, doing things that will kind of not make you forget about what's going on, but will keep you distracted. In el centio de que no tenas muncho tiempo papensar en lo malo que esta pasando. I feel like, for sure. Me too. Like, you know, with my grandpa's death, I feel like I've been keeping myself super busy. Literally. Last night I was talking to my boyfriend and my friends. We were in Mikasa. I kind of forget. But I was telling them. I was like, it's so crazy that the day I found out that my grandpa passed away, I literally still, after crying all day long. Los Hostos in Chados. I still came to the studio and filmed that day. Like, I had a podcast episode of Film that day and like now, six months later, like that I think about it, I'm like, oh, like I can't believe I did that. You know what I mean? Because I don't know, I don't know what it was. But you know what it was too. I think my grandpa was always very big on yo los quiero vertistes. So I feel like for me, when he did pass away, I feel like I would hear because I was about to cancel that day, really was. I was going to be like, you know what? I can't do it. And it was going to be like a reasonable reason.

[Mara]

But for some reason, I remember watching that vlog. I couldn't get through it.

[Marixa]

But for some reason, yo medica. I was like, you know what? This is not what my grandpa would have wanted. I feel like it is very important when you're going through something this hard, you know, to keep yourself distracted and to really, you know, if any of you guys are, you know, going through anything similar or have gone through it and don't know how to navigate, just know, like you said, it doesn't get better. You know what I mean? Because I don't know if you feel the same way, but it's like you feel like you're here but there's still like a little missing piece of you, no?

[Mara]

Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

[Alan Iced]

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[Marixa]

You know you come out as bisexual. About, you know, how you came out. Can you remember, like the first time, you know, compared to your friends or people around you when it came down to your sexuality?

[Mara]

Yeah, I feel like I always knew, but I felt like I just brushed it off. Like, I remember I had this friend in elementary school and we were like best friends and I'd always get her gifts. And I was like, and I didn't give no one else gifts. And I was like, like, literally I was thinking about that like a couple weeks ago. I was like, why was I getting you gifts? I was like, I liked you. When I got older, I was just more like, like something. Something not wrong, but like something's not right, basically. I remember when I was little, I was watching a episode of Victorious and then just Jade just walked around the screen and I was like, literally. And then I fell in love with Jade. Everybody was so into Beck. And then I was like, oh, but Jade. But everyone's like, what do you mean? I was like, oh, yeah, Beck, you know, Know. So I kind of like, I felt like I was in. Not in denial, but I just try to hide it a lot.

[Marixa]

Yeah. Were you scared?

[Mara]

I was scared.

[Marixa]

Why?

[Mara]

Because for me it was more like my mom having four kids, three sons and a daughter. Me being the only girl to end up liking girls too is like, that's.

[Marixa]

Kind of crazy that your mom would kind of get mad at you for dressing like your brothers or being too. Do you feel like you were also a little scared to kind of accept that because you're like, oh my God, I'm not going to be a suck. Left it.

[Mara]

Yeah, that was really big thing because, you know, like, you know, they like always say stuff about, like gay people. And then I was just like, well, until I was ready. Jade was really like an eye opener for me that I was like, you know, When I was 14, 15 years old, I came out to, like my whole family individually. I was in the car with My mom. We were going to the store, and I was going to. To therapy, and it was like, my first day of therapy. And they're like, oh, like, what do you go by? Like, what's your sexuality? And stuff? And I was like, oh. Like. And then I was like, oh, like, I'm bisexual. That day, we were going to the store, and I was like, mom, I have to tell you something. Like, we were in the car, and then she was like, what? And I was like, I like girls and guys. And she was like, what? And I was like. She was like, no, you have to pick one. And I was like, no, I can't do that. I mean, it ended up working out because I ended up a lesbian. I remember I had texted my brother that passed away. Away. Before he passed away, obviously, I texted him. And then I was like, I have to tell you something. And I was crying. He was like, what's wrong? This and that. And then I was like, I'm bisexual. And he was like, oh. Like, it's okay. Like, I don't care. Just don't do anything stupid. I was like, okay. Like, they didn't really care.

[Marixa]

Like, did you ever feel like anyone around you kind of didn't accept you?

[Mara]

My mom. I feel like my mom was always iffy about it. I'm like, now she doesn't care here.

[Marixa]

Yeah.

[Mara]

Because she's like, now she's like, oh, look at her. And I'm like, no, mom, no.

[Marixa]

Do you feel like at the beginning, they probably thought it was just kind of like a stage that you were going through, because, you know, especially when, you know, kids are coming out, like, you always hear the. Oh, it's a stage. It's a stage. And it's like, no, babes. Like, I know what I like.

[Mara]

No, I feel like she was more like, that's not right. You can't do that. Or she was like, what are the people gonna think? And I was like, I don't care what the people with you.

[Marixa]

How did that make you feel?

[Mara]

I didn't feel sad, but I feel like it was just like, you're my mom, you know, like, you're supposed to love me regardless type of thing. But I feel like she just needed time.

[Marixa]

Yeah.

[Mara]

And then she got over it. Really?

[Marixa]

Do you remember, like, the moment where you felt like your mom was like, okay, yeah, I understand you.

[Mara]

I think it was when I was in my last relationship, when she seen how I was, because she was like, okay, okay.

[Marixa]

Like, it's for reals.

[Mara]

Yeah.

[Marixa]

You know, we've Seen everything that has happened online. But before we get to, you know, the tea.

[Mara]

We met on Instagram, and I knew that we went to the same high school, and then Covid was still happening, and it was. It was going to be sophomore year, and they were barely going to let us back on campus. Campus. And I was like, oh, like, hey, I know you go to my school. Like, let's hang out. Like, let's be friends. And she was like, oh, yeah. Like, of course, you know. And then we hung out the first day of school, like, during lunch, and then we just started off. Yeah.

[Marixa]

How would you describe the relationship at the beginning? Do you feel like, you know, it was good, or was it already rocky since the beginning?

[Mara]

It was good. It was actually really good in the beginning. We just always had differences, like, in what we wanted type of thing. Since I was like, her first relationship, I feel like she really didn't understand, like, how a relationship went. Not that it, like, has to go, like, a certain way, but, like, I feel like that was kind of like a little problem because she had, like, no experience with that.

[Marixa]

Do you feel like there was, like, toxicness on both ends?

[Mara]

I feel like, yeah. Like, you've seen that. There is this one friend, this one specific friend. When the relationship had first started, like, a couple months later, her mom threw this Thanksgiving party. That's the first time I met her friend. Friends. And she has this one friend that just really rubbed me, like, the wrong way. Like, I don't know what it was, but, you know, like, when you just meet someone, you're just like, I don't know. I met her or whatever, and I just didn't like her vibes. And then, like, a few months later, I told her I was like, I don't like your friend. Like, I straight up just told her, like, I don't like her. Like, she gives me weird energy. And she was like, okay. And I was like, oh, can you cut her off? And then she was like, yeah, like, you know, whatever. She'd always do this thing with that girl, specifically, that they wouldn't talk for, like, months. And then out of nowhere, no us. She text me. She's like, oh, I'm gonna go hang out with her. I don't know where. And I was like, okay. Like, why? Yeah, you know, like, you know, like, that makes me kind of comfortable, you.

[Marixa]

Know, and very off guard, too.

[Mara]

Very off guard. And it was so last minute. It was like, say, Friday, she's like, oh, I'm going. I'm like, oh, I'm Gonna go hang out with her. And I, like, I'd always try to understand it, you know, but, like, I'm not gonna lie. Like, I'd crash out because, like, you know, like, come on now. That happened a lot. Like, this probably happened like, four, three times. I'd be like, oh, like, cut her off this and that, you know, I remember one time, it was out of nowhere, she. She had. She texted me. It was like, I don't know, 7:00. I don't remember. She was like, oh, I'm gonna go have a sleepover. I was like, oh, with who? She was like, oh, with that one girl. And I was like, oh, that's weird. Like, you know, I don't like her and you're gonna go sleep her house, you know? Like, that's weird. Like, you're weird. I always tried to, like, hear her out, but, like, I just couldn't hear her out. Then one time, I don't know, I was being a little toxica, so I went to her phone. So I went through her phone, and then I seen that her and her friend were, like, texting. But I had seen that her friend was sending pictures of my ex to this girl. And then that's the girl she cheated on me with. And I was like, bro, like, your friend is weird. Like, why is she doing that? You know, my ex and that girl had history. Like, they used to talk, and that friend knew, and this wasn't the first time she had cheated. She cheated on me four times with that same girl. I had a gut feeling, like, always. And I'd be like, oh, like, something would be like, oh, like, check her phone. Check her phone. And I was like, okay. So almost every time that I did, it was like, she was texting that girl. Like, it was so bad to them. To the point where I had that number memorized in my phone, in my head. The first time I found out, I.

[Marixa]

Was like, damn, how did you find out?

[Mara]

The first time she straight up just told me. She was like. I texted her and I was like, dude, like, what'd you say? Like, you know, like, that's all I wanted to know, what you say? And then she was like. She told the girl. She's like, oh, you're so pretty. You're so perfect. I've never, never, never got over you. This and that and her being in a whole committed relationship. At this point, we had already been together for a year. And I was like, bro, you're still on this. Like, that's crazy. I was dumb for, like, Staying. But, like, you know, stuff happened. So, like, I stayed. And I feel like after that, I feel like I just became Toxica Loki. I was just so worried for it to happen again. I would always crash out on her because I'd be like, bro, like, what you're doing is weird. Like, and you don't see that the next time it happened. It was that sleepover. The girl that my ex used to talk to and her friend. They were friends. Like, they were, I guess they were, like, close or whatever.

[Marixa]

Yeah.

[Mara]

So she was. During that sleepover, her friend was taking pictures of my ex and then sending them to that girl. I was like, that's weird.

[Marixa]

Yeah.

[Mara]

Like, you're hella weird for that. I seen that, and then I seen that she had that girl as a whole contact and everything. And I was like, bro, like, what are you doing? Like, this is weird. After that, I feel like I would just crash out all the time.

[Marixa]

Yeah.

[Mara]

Because I was just so scared for it to happen again. And it just did. It just. It just kept happening.

[Marixa]

Was it ever like, a physical cheating?

[Mara]

No, but it was just, like, why just that one girl? You know, like, there's obviously something that you want or that you need from this one girl specifically. There's a ton of girls out there. A million of them. Well, billions of them, really. But it was just always that one girl.

[Marixa]

And when you would confront her about it, get.

[Mara]

She was like, oh, I don't know what I was doing. Like, I'm sorry, this and that. That. And multiple times. I was at her house when it happened. And I was like, bro, like, no. Like, you're dumb. I literally tell them, like, dude, you're dumb. Like, why are you doing this? The last time it happened was in September of this year. I found out on her grandma's birthday. And that's what made me sad. I was over at her house. I don't know. I just got weird vibes again. I was like, oh, can I see your phone? She'll like, yeah, here. And I was like, okay. I didn't find anything on her phone. We were all in the Salah. And I was like. I was like, oh, I'm gonna use. I'm gonna use your bathroom. And the bathroom was near her room. So I went to her room and I got her iPad. You know, messages link up. And then I seen the phone number. I was like, not again. I was like, not again.

[Marixa]

On the phone. But not on iPad.

[Mara]

Not on the iPad. And she had texted the girl saying, like, oh, I have a message for you find a way to contact me and I'll tell you. Basically. And I was like. After that, I was like. I sent her a picture. Like, I took a picture of it. I sent her. And I'm like, dude, like, are you serious? Like, again. And she had sent the girl a message, like, two days before I started school, like, in August, and I had barely found out. I just felt so dumb because I was like, why am I still here? I feel like as much as, like, people wanna make me seem like the bad guy for crashing out and stuff, I really had a big reason to. I seen what I seen on the iPad, dad. And then I sent her a picture. I'm like, dude, like, what are you doing? This and that. She came and then she hugged me. She was like, I'm sorry, this and that. And I was like, dude, no. Like, you need to stop. Her mom walked in and then she was like, oh. Like, what happened? And I was like, your daughter cheated on me again. She had new. She knew that she had cheated on me before.

[Marixa]

La mama.

[Mara]

Yeah. And then her mom, like, told her stuff like, why are you doing this? You know, like, if this is not what you want, then why are you here? This and that. And I was dumb, and I forgave her again. And then I remember, like, before, like, a week before, two weeks before our relationship ended, she was like, oh, like, I really miss my friends. Because I was being Toxica and being like, dude, like, your friends are not to be trusted. Like, literally, it was just that one friend, too. Like, not even that she wanted any of her other friends. Just that one girl. She was just like, oh, like, I miss her. Like, you know, like, we've been friends, like, since forever. And I was like, yeah, but she's weird. Weird. Like, why is she sending pictures of you to your, like, old talking stage? Like, that's weird. Like, who does that? And she was like, yeah, I know, but, like, she probably changed. And I was like, yeah, she could have, but, like, I'm not gonna forgive her for that.

[Marixa]

Yeah.

[Mara]

And then I literally told her. I was like. I was like, if you become friends with her, like, I'm breaking up with you. Like, I straight up told her, like, we were always like a send picture type of person. I was like, oh, like, have you done your homework? You know, because I knew, like, she started school, so I was like, you know, like, oh, like, you know, do your homework type of thing. And then she was like, oh, yeah, I'm doing it right now. And I was like, oh, just send me A pic. She was like, oh yeah, give me a second. And I was like, okay. And I kept asking her and asking her and then I was like dude, like why don't you send me a picture? Like it's just a picture. And we had each other's locations like on Life360. So I go on like360 and it's like location is paused. I was like hello. Like what are you doing? And then I go on the iMessage one and I look and I knew exactly where she was at. Cuz I had been at that girl's house like one time and I seen it and my heart dropped. I was like, damn. Like that's crazy. Like why would you do that? Before she knew that I knew where she was at, I called her. I facetimed her and she just answered. Like I recognized the room that she was in. And I was like bruh. Like why? And I was like dude, like what are you doing there? And I was like, I told you, like I can if you became friends with this girl again, like I'm going to break up with you. But she was like, why does it have to be that way? And I was like, because of like stuff that you do, you know. And then she was like, no, like she's not like that anymore. This and that. And I was like, I don't care if she's not like that anymore. Like, you know, like a friend wouldn't do that. Yeah, like a. It's like if Irma did that to you.

[Marixa]

Yeah, I know exactly. I am like I would feel some type of way. Yeah, don't do that, Irma. No, for sure. I feel like I would feel some type of way too. Like you're supposed to be my friend. And especially if she knew that you guys were in a relationship. It's kind of like why are you kind of even giving her the idea of like, oh, you can cheat or you can talk to someone else. That's where like you feel like she went wrong.

[Mara]

No. Yeah.

[Marixa]

When you called, was a friend hearing everything?

[Mara]

I assume so. FaceTime it wasn't it. The call was probably not even 10 seconds long. Like I just FaceTimed her. I seen where she was at that and she put the friend's little brother like on the screen. And I was like, bro, like, who is like I. I was acting them. I was like, bro, who is this? Knowing damn well I knew who it was. And then before she hung up, she tilted her phone and I seen something in the room and I was like, I know I know exactly where she's at.

[Marixa]

Yeah.

[Mara]

And I was like, bro, I was like, why are you with her? I'm like, I told you. Like, you know, like, I'm gonna break up with you. And then she's like, that's what I'm saying. Like, she was like, no, like, this is not gonna happen. Like, nothing's wrong. Like, you know, she, like, she was basically like, trying to see, make it.

[Marixa]

Seem like, like, you were overreacting type of thing.

[Mara]

And I'm like, yeah, I get it. You want to have friends and that, but, like, if your friends are weird, that's weird, you know? Like, you can't be doing stuff like that. I was crashing out. It was so bad. I told her. I was like, dude, like, we're done. Like, if you want to, like, talk things out, like, we'll talk when you get home. She had gotten home and then we were just talking about things, and then I think she was like, oh, so are we actually done? And I was like, yeah, yeah. And she was like, oh, I thought you were joking.

[Marixa]

Do you feel like. Because she wouldn't take you serious. Yeah.

[Mara]

At that moment I was like, bro, I made myself look so stupid. You think I'm a joke? Like, that's how I felt. I felt like a straight up joke when she said that. And I was like, after that, I was like, damn. Like, in my head, I feel like that's how she saw me because she was like, oh, she's just going to forgive me if I do anything, you know? And then that happened and. And things ended.

[Marixa]

Going through a breakup is really hard. Do you feel like it was super hard for you or. Or by that time that you guys did break up, were you already, like, emotionally detached?

[Mara]

Yeah, I was. I really was. I felt like things were just. I don't know if it was like the time in our lives or anything, but the cheating has no excuse. I was done, like, emotionally, like, because the thing is, it would happen every year around the same time of year, and every time it come back come around, I'd be like, I'm like, watch, it's going to happen. And it happened every time. And then she'd always be like, no, like, it won't happen this and that. And then I was like, bruh, your.

[Marixa]

Breakup was super public. The mom and her were really public about their side or just in general the breakup. Do you think it made it harder for you to, like, get through this breakup? Because it was. Not only were you dealing with it, like, in person, but Also seeing everything that was going on online, I feel.

[Mara]

Like, like it wasn't. I feel like I was just so done cuz I was. I felt like I was just so drained cuz I feel like it was just the same thing. I mean, like how she said in her video we would argue like all the time, almost every day. It was just, it was just bad. Like my end, her end, you know, Like I'm not going to sit here and be like, oh, I'm a victim. It was just me. Like no, it was both of us. It just got so bad. Bad. It was so nice in the beginning, but it just got so bad.

[Marixa]

It goes public. Did you guys have communication throughout that time or was it very much like, okay, no communication anymore.

[Mara]

We did talk for a while. We were like, oh, like maybe in the future we can work something out. But I was kind of like, oh yeah. But at the same time I was like, I don't want to. Like, like, you know, like I meant, I, like I meant it, but I didn't mean it at the same time, you know, because I was like, it's not going to change. Like as much as I wanted to, it's not going to change. We had stopped talking. Like we were completely done before she had made the video. And then I remember I was in class and she had made a tik tok using the, the audio. And I was like in class and I was like, lol. I literally just said lol. And then I showed my friends. I was like, bro, look. I was like, this is funny. And then I seen the video and I was watching it and I was like, like my genuine reaction was just like lol. Like, you're so funny for this. Like, you know, like you, you have so much to say, but you don't want to say other stuff, you know, like you don't want to say that you cheated online. You know, like you wanna look at.

[Marixa]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mara]

It was just crazy because people at school, like they'd look at me weird. Not weird, but like they knew. And then there was this girl, girl that I was talking to one of my friends and I was telling her. I was like, yeah, like we broke up or whatever. And I was like, okay, we're done. This and that. And this girl, like she'd watch us and then she was like, oh my God, you guys are like, you guys actually broke up. And I was like, yeah, like it's not pretend. Like we're actually done. And she was like, oh really? Like I didn't know this and that. And I was like, yeah, like, oh, well.

[Marixa]

I think, you know, a big part of why the relationship was so public was because of her, you know, Si Miro. That, you know, whenever she would kind of go above and beyond on these videos, it was all kind of, like, talked about before. Was that true? And then also at the beginning. And when did you feel like it started becoming a little rocky?

[Mara]

She is a really good person, I feel like. I don't know if you have seen. I deleted this video because I had. I want nothing to do, like, with them in my account. But it was this video of me saying, like, like, how I felt about her and stuff. Well, not just her, but, like, about everything. I really did like her. Like, I really did about, like, it being skits and stuff. We, like, rarely talked about it before. She would just come up and start recording. And then in that video that I'm telling you about where I was telling you how I feel, I was. I had mentioned that I like, sometimes, like, I was like a la costada, like, long ha and everything. Like, imagine being like that. Can't, like, just in your face, you know, Like, I really didn't like that. But it just kind of kept happening.

[Marixa]

Did you ever make it known to your ex or to the mom that, like, hey, like, no.

[Mara]

Yeah, there is this one time where she made this video and she actually made a video about that too. She had made this video of. I don't know what I was. I don't know what she was saying, but I was laying down. And then I was like, oh. Like I said. I said it in the video. I was like, oh, I don't want to be in the video. And then she was like, oh, I don't care. This and that. And then she posted it. I think, like a month later, I had told my ex. I was like, oh, like, can you tell your mom to delete this video? Like, I really don't want it on the Internet. And then she's like, oh, yeah, I'll tell my mom. And she told her mom. And her mom was like, no, I'm not going to take it down. And I was. I was like, okay. Like, that's weird, you know, Like, I'm telling you that I don't want it up there and keeping it up there. And then my ex texted me. She was like, oh, my mom said, if she can pay you to keep the video up. And I was like, no, like, I don't want that. So she didn't delete it. She just kept the video Up. I mean, not that I was like, I want the money, you know, like. Like, keep the video. Like, I just wanted the video down. Like, I was not interested in money. I just didn't want that video up.

[Marixa]

Did you ever feel like, you know, your privacy was violated whenever you would see stuff on the Internet that you didn't want out there? Out there?

[Mara]

Sometimes, yes and no. Because, like, I was saying, she would never really announce when she started recording. She just started. Just had her phone. And I was like, not. It's not like I was gonna be like, oh, like, stop. You know, I just remember towards. Like, I want to say the last couple months of our relationship, I think it was when I was telling her mom to, like. Well, I was telling my ex to, like, tell her mom to take down that video. Her mom had told her. She was like, oh, she can't come over if I can't record support her. So I would not go over. Like, I stopped going over to her house. Instead of going to her house, we just go out in public, you know, so it was like that. I was like, I don't care. Like, I just want to hang out with you.

[Marixa]

Really.

[Mara]

You know, personally, I feel like social media really got to her, I guess. Like, you know, like, obviously, if you're a content creator, it becomes your life.

[Marixa]

Yeah.

[Mara]

But I think she took it too literal. Like, you don't have to record everything.

[Marixa]

Because I feel like a lot of her content, too, was very heavily based on your guys's relationship. Right?

[Mara]

Yeah. And then what I also didn't like about it is that after we had broken up, she kept making videos about it.

[Marixa]

Yeah.

[Mara]

And I was like, why are you doing this? You know, like, why? Like, I seen people clip her, like, the lives. And then she was still talking about it, and I was like, just leave me alone, you know, Like, I want nothing to do with your daughter. Like, that means I want nothing to do with you, basically. Like, I appreciate you and everything that you did for me. Because she'd give me rides to school, pick me up from school, and drop me off. Like, I appreciate that. Like, I really do. I really do. But, like, you know, like, when you break up with someone, you're breaking up with their whole family, you know, it's not like I'm gonna keep in contact with her after, like, that whole. She didn't want me to go to her house if I wasn't, like, getting recorded. It just gave me a weird vibe. And, like, in my head, it was like, oh, that's all she wants like, she just wants content. She just wants content and this. And it has to be me. Like, I have to be either. And then when me and Max could go out, she would, like, kind of sometimes record in the car and stuff like that, too. And I was like, can't even ride in the car or anything anymore.

[Marixa]

You know, we did see a lot of people online, you know, state their opinion about how they felt, you know, oh, she's so in love with her daughter. Did you ever feel that way? Or do you feel like it really was content? Not, like, in love like that, but you know what I mean, like, too, like. Because I did see a lot of comments where a lot of people, you know, were coming for her, saying, like, she's too metaphysical. Like, let them. Especially because, you know, even before the breakup, I would see a lot of videos of where, like, she would kind of talk about things that, like, it looked clearly that you guys felt uncomfortable about that being exposed, you know, about, like, in private, but that she was airing it. Was that something that ever bugged you guys?

[Mara]

Yeah, well, at least me. It bugged me because it's like, why can't we. We just talk about it in private? Because there was, like, a lot of times where they were like, oh, like, you need to apologize to her and this and that. And she'd start recording, be like, oh, I'm so sorry, this and this and that. I'd be like, if this is the apology I get, at least I'm getting an apology, honestly.

[Marixa]

So, like, it never felt sincere. Yeah, it always just felt for, like, the camera.

[Mara]

Yeah. Even after we broke up, she. She texted me. She texted me on Instagram, and then she was like, oh, I'm so sorry that I keep mentioning you in my video videos. She was like, I wish you the best in life. I'll stop mentioning you and this and that. And, like, three days later, I see her posting, like, a video that's clearly towards me, you know? Yeah, it was just.

[Marixa]

Did you ever reply to that message?

[Mara]

Yeah, I just said. I think I just said, like, oh, thank you for everything. I just wish you guys the best, too. And that was it.

[Marixa]

What? Do you guys ever argue, like, bad. Bad about the mom? Or was it just something that you guys would just kind of be like, okay, like, yeah, anyways, like, we're not gonna even take the time out of her day to fight over this.

[Mara]

No, I feel like the only time that we really did was over that one video that I'm telling you about. Like, I was just over it because I was like, why? Like, you know, like, why can't she just delete it? And then the part that bothered me the most is that I just knew that that video was gonna blow up. And it did. And I was like, I don't want people seeing that, you know, like, that's obviously me. You're there. And it did blow up. And I was just like, what can I do?

[Marixa]

You know, your ex, you know, was stating the reason why on her end, you guys broke up, you know. You know, the mom had nothing to do with the breakup, but do you feel like, you know, with everything that was going on behind the scenes of how Metina the mom was in your relationship, do you feel like it kind of did tarnish the relationship. Relationship a little bit? Even if that wasn't the reason why you guys broke up, it kind of made the relationship rocky.

[Mara]

Yeah, I feel like somewhat it did affect our relationship, at least personally. I feel like that because I feel like everything was online. Everything was online. That's the thing that bothered me the most. Everything that I do at her house, it'd be online. If you went out to eat, it was gonna be online. If we went to the movies, it was gonna be online. And it was like. Like, I can't just go watch a movie. Just make my own little vlog or something, you know?

[Marixa]

Did you ever feel like there was tension between you and the mom ever?

[Mara]

I feel like there definitely was. After, I was like, I don't want to be recorded. And then she was like, well, you can't come over. Definitely after that, it was.

[Marixa]

There is some tension TikTok, you know, that you made, and it was referring to the nickname that was given to you and Donde Tuyano Keriaski. How was the nickname even created? Nickname?

[Mara]

I honestly, how this all came to be was because when I had. When we first started dating, my hair was half blue, so they were like, oh, you know, like, smurfette type of thing, you know, like, so that's how. That's how I studied. And I was like, oh, okay. Like, that's cute. You know, like, you know, because I had blue hair, and then it stuck even more when I, like, dyed my hair different colors. I feel like that was definitely, like, a big thing in the relationship. So I was like, I don't want to be called that because that's associated with. Yeah, Like, I really just want nothing to do with that. I want nothing to do with that. So I was like, you know, just call me Marty or something. And now everyone's calling me Mari. I was in class and I was like, Like, I hate that people are calling me this, this and that. And then my friend was like, why don't you just make a video saying about it? And I was like, you're right. I was like, shout out to Shelby. I don't know why I didn't think about making a video about it. That happened. And then everyone was like, oh, my God, this and that. Like, okay, Mari, I see you. This and that. And it was just. It was crazy because I was like. I thought people were just gonna be like, nah, I don't care. I'm gonna keep you.

[Marixa]

Like, shut up. Keep it moving.

[Mara]

No, literally. And I was just gonna be like, okay. But it, like, low key blew up.

[Marixa]

It did. I saw it. And I. I literally saw the comments. When I saw it, I was like, okay, girl, Mar is like you said. I think it was. It is important, you know, because like, you said you didn't want anything to associate with that. You know, when you guys broke up, Cesier mucho ramorez, you know, people started speculating, especially because you weren't very vocal right after, you know, about the breakup, you know, And I saw people tagging me. Is that true? If so, how did that come to be?

[Mara]

So this person that you guys all know now, we had dated in the past. I remember, like, we had broken up or whatever. And she started following me. And I was like, oh, okay. I didn't follow her back. That's the thing, cuz. I was like, why are you following me? This is weird. You know?

[Marixa]

And this was all after the breakup, right after.

[Mara]

Like, I didn't cheat, not me, but she followed me. And I was like, oh, that's weird. And then I told my friend at school. I was like, oh, like, she followed me. What do I do? I'm scared. You know, it was.

[Marixa]

It was just weird, I think timing too. You're like, oh, my God. Like, what does this mean?

[Mara]

I really thought it was a setup. I'm not even gonna lie.

[Marixa]

I would have thought that too. Like, oh, I'm trying. I'm gonna get exposed.

[Mara]

Yeah, I still did, but I was telling my friend. I was like, dude, like, I'm scared. Like, why is she following me? Like, out of nowhere, she was like, oh, like, just follow her back. And I was like, no, no, I can't. Like, this is a setup. I literally told her. I was like, this is a setup.

[Marixa]

And your ex knew of this person too?

[Mara]

Yeah. So I had not talked to that ex in four years.

[Marixa]

Yeah.

[Mara]

Like, I was. I was like, you know, like, a week goes by, like a few days. And then I, like, I stalked her, and she unfollowed me. And I was like, damn, this is sad. And then I texted her because I was like, I need to know, like, what's. What's going on? I texted her, and I was like, oh, like, why'd you follow me? And then unfollow me? It was on Instagram. And then she was like, oh, I just wanted to see how you were doing. And I was like, okay. And then we just started texting.

[Marixa]

Are you guys, like, just talking right now?

[Mara]

Yeah.

[Marixa]

That's good. I feel like, you know, I think especially with social media people, because I did see people even coming, like, oh, she moved on too quick. But it's like, like you said, you know, you were already mentally and emotionally checked out prior to the breakup, that it was like, anything after Tupelo said, lo que tu queiras, you know, with the whole breakup says to rumores, and a lot of things were speculated. Is there anything else that you heard or that people are assuming about you that you'd want to clear out?

[Mara]

Everybody thought I was dating that other girl. I don't know if you've seen. It's this mask. I forgot what her name is. I don't know if you've seen it. She has, like, guinea pigs or something.

[Marixa]

No, I don't, but. Huh.

[Mara]

Yeah. Because she had commented on one of my tik toks, and I commented back, and then I seen this tik tok, my future, like, oh, Marx's new boo. This and that. This girl has a whole girlfriend, girlfriend. And I was like, no, like, don't start something that's not like, it, you know? And then she made a whole video about it too. And I was like, I felt so bad. So I'm like, you know, like, obviously, like, yeah. Honestly, I feel like that's probably the only thing. Have you seen anything? Do you have questions?

[Marixa]

I think pretty much you kind of answered everything. I think, like, you know, especially on your end, I do feel like one of the biggest things that I did see was, you know, the fact that you wouldn't let this person have friends. But now that you explained, you know, their constant cheating and it was also kind of linked to the friends that she had, it all makes sense, you know. You know, because I'm very big on friends, right? But like you said, if my friends were literally like, poniendo le sisanya amino. Like, oh, I'm gonna, you know, I have this other friend that thinks you're cute. I would feel some type of way of this whole relationship, relationship thing, you know, going through a breakup isn't easy. What's a piece of advice you can give to anyone watching at home that is currently going or has gone through a breakup and feel like there's no, you know, light at the end of the tunnel?

[Mara]

Just trust God. I feel like I've gotten really into God after we broke up, too. I don't know why, but I feel like you just have to let go and let God.

[Marixa]

Yeah.

[Mara]

That's what I've been seeing a lot. Just let go, like, God.

[Marixa]

On a positive note that you have going on in your life, literally estas from cosmetology school and as a nail technician, what made you get into nails? And how was, like, the whole, you know, school process when it came down to, like, enrolling it?

[Mara]

So honestly, I literally had no idea what I wanted to do after high school, so. Because I. I literally didn't even know I was going to graduate high school till, like, three months before. I think you needed, like, 230 credits to graduate. My counselor was so done with me because he was like, you can go to, like, an alternative school. You can get into all these programs. And I was like, I don't want to, you know, because I was in a theater program in high school that I, like, loved so much, and I didn't want to leave it. If I had. If I wanted to do those classes, I had to leave the program. Program. And I was like, no, I'm not gonna do that. He changed it, and he made me do the state minimum, which is 170 credits. So I did that, and that's why I graduated. Like, I literally finished it, like, two months before, and I was like, oh, my God. I'm actually gonna graduate. This is crazy. I literally had no idea when. What I wanted to do because all the college things were due, like, months before.

[Marixa]

Yeah. Because I think they saw, like, in January or in December. Yeah. Yeah.

[Mara]

And I was like, I don't know what to do. Like, to be in school for another four years. I was like, I can't do that. Like, I can't do that. I was just like, I can either do cosmetology or become, like, a nail tech. I always thought it was, like, cute and, like, how they do it. And it's also really good money because I had to go into debt to go there, because, like, it's a lot of money. And if I had went for cosmetology I'd be in debt 10 grand. Yeah. And I was like, oh, I don't want to be in debt ten grand. Hell no. And then for nails, it was six grand. I was like, that sounds a lot better, you know? So I ended up doing. Doing the nails. And my experience there was so fun. We had. I had this one teacher, but something happened, so we got a new one. And I love that teacher so much. She's so cool. Because she was one. She was a student there, so I had met her when she was a student, and then she became, like, the nail teacher because she was a licensed nail tech. She, like, made the experience there so much better. She was like a teacher and a friend. Like, she would tell us stuff about her life. We would tell her about our life, and it was just. It was just so. It was just so fun.

[Marixa]

How long was the course?

[Mara]

It was from August to December. Because it's only 600 hours that you have to be there.

[Marixa]

Did you have to take a test to, like, get, like, certified or what was that like towards the end for that?

[Mara]

You being there for those 600 hours is your certification, but you need to be licensed to do that, and that's a whole different thing that you have to take with the state. Yeah, that test, I think it's like a hundred and something dollars and Modesto. Like, the closest ones are, like, Sacramento, San Francisco, and that's like over an hour away for us, like, to go there for a test. Honestly, if I. If I would take it right now, I feel like I wouldn't pass it. So, like.

[Marixa]

So you can't even do it online?

[Mara]

No, you have to be there because they're really strict. Like, you can't. You can't have your phone, your keys? No. Like, nothing loose, like. No, like, smartwatches or anything like that. And then if you pass, they, like, take a picture of you and then, like, you get your license that day.

[Marixa]

Do you want to, like, eventually do that so you can start doing nails?

[Alan Iced]

No.

[Mara]

Yes, I do. I just feel like I need to study more.

[Marixa]

Heard. It's more of, like, the actual. Because in esc, I'm sure they teach you how to do them. Yeah, but I think the test is more about, like. Like the.

[Mara]

Yeah, it's about, like, the skin diseases, like, stuff that can happen. Different types of infections, that you can get infection control, like, how to, like, keep. Like, keep your stuff clean and how to maintain them, like, clean and like, stuff like that.

[Marixa]

Really, like, in your hours.

[Mara]

No. Yes, they do, but we had to do it like online, so. And I'm not good at doing stuff like online. Like if I see it on the screen, like, yeah, they do give us like a book, so. And we get to keep the book too. So I'm just going to go through the book.

[Marixa]

You just kind of need to study.

[Mara]

No. Yeah, because I don't want to take it and then fail it and then have to go again. So I'd rather just study, like know like everything and then take it.

[Marixa]

Going to book my appointment because look at my sad ass nails. Show them yours though. Me and you guys. I want to ask you the last question. I always finish off with.

[Mara]

I want to be hopefully living on my own. Hopefully I want to own a house, but I don't think, well, matter of fact, manifesting, manifest, manifesting. Hopefully I can get a house in such a short period of time. I've always wanted to start a family young and I've always wanted to get married young because my dad's older and I, I just, I want, you know, so hopefully that we'll see what happens.

[Marixa]

And I know any goals that you do, you know, end up having along the way.

[Mara]

Los vasa complete starting YouTube.

[Marixa]

Yeah, no, she need. You need to start YouTube. Especially if Tik Tok gets banned and.

[Mara]

Mahin One subscriber, it's going to be you.

[Marixa]

I'm like, at least it's one. Ah, it could be one or zero. No, honestly you guys, you know what, make a YouTube account and I will leave it linked down below just even if you don't post yet, just so they can go subscribe and start subscribing. Because I do always say I'm a big YouTube person. Like you said too. Like even though you see me on TikTok Instagram, I've always been a big believer on YouTube. You know, I've always been like, if you are consistent on YouTube and you upload and you really do create this loyal, you know, support system, you're set up and I really do believe I've been doing this almost for 10 years. I might not be the most popular on YouTube. Oh, thank you. And I feel like, you know, I'm so blessed in that sense. But I always do always say YouTube is words @ so bye guys. With that being said, thank you once again so much for being here with us today. And thank you guys so much for watching our social medias on the screen as well us down below so you guys won't miss any future episodes. And with that being said, thank you once again.

[Mara]

Thank you.

[Marixa]

And thank you guys so much for watching and we'll see you guys in the next one. Bye guys. Yay.

[Unknown]

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