← Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Pau Torres Talks All: Boundaries, Breakup, Healing, Dating, CHISME & MORE!
01:51:13
Loading summary
Transcript316 lines
- [00:00]
Alan Heist
This podcast is brought to you by Aura, the most complete online safety toolkit. 2024 has seen a massive surge in high profile data breaches, raising serious concerns about the security of your personal information. Dell's breach exposed 3.9 million customer records and Ticketmaster also faced a massive breach, compromising over 560 million records. And most alarming of all, this past summer, National Public Data reported a breach potentially affecting Every single American. 2.9 billion records used for background checks were stolen and released to the public for free. If this all sounds pretty scary, it's because it is. You've never been more vulnerable in the digital world than you are right now. But before I keep spouting dark statistics and grim news stories, I'll share some positive news. This podcast is thrilled to partner with Aura, who monitors the dark web for users phone numbers, emails and Social Security numbers, delivering real time alerts if any suspicious activity is detected. And even better than that, Aura provides up to $5 million in identity theft insurance, making sure you have a safety net in the event of a worst case scenario. Aura is a complete online safety toolkit which includes a variety of other features to keep you safe online. They have a VPN for security. They even have a password manager to help you create and store strong passwords and more. I've already started all my holiday shopping for my friends and family and I can rest easy knowing that Aura has my back. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online. All for free. When you visit aura.comdefense that's aura.comdefense to sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones once more. That's a U R a dot com defense. Certain terms apply so be sure to check their site for details.
- [02:06]
Pao
I go to my floor, he goes to his and I texted him. I honestly don't know. I even texted him, but I was like, what's wrong? And then he was like, dinner is off.
- [02:15]
C
And I was like, he's like, you're not eating tonight. Oh my God. What is up everyone? I'm your host, Alan Heist and this is Noche de Pendejadas, your favorite podcast turn talk show on the Yo Drago atus influencers favoritos para platicar y po S mian estado. And I'm so excited always. So with that being said, please help me welcome my guest tonight. Pa.
- [03:03]
Pao
Thank you so much for having me.
- [03:04]
C
No, thank you so much for being here. I'm actually so excited, amigas, for P to be with us here tonight. And if you guys have been living under a rock, this is actually your second time at Kikonosotros. You were on the show completamente, like your life has really done a360,180 comoso. So I'm so excited to really have you here with.
- [03:41]
Pao
I am Pao. I'm 22 years old and I am a content creator. And I also have my own podcast where I try to uplift women. And yeah, that is. That's basically. That's me.
- [03:59]
C
Cor, we're going to talk a little bit later on about your podcast, but if you guys have not heard her podcast, watched it. I like starting off with this question because I really do think it's important for people to know a little bit more of your upbringing, of how you grew up with. How was Pal growing up? Where were you raised?
- [04:30]
Pao
Ok, so I was born in Mexico. Sode Chihuahua. We moved to the United States when I was two years old. I grew up, raised in Colorado. It's so funny because actually a few days ago, I f. I posted this tik tok and I was just talking about how I was like such a good kid growing up. And I was thinking the other day and I was remembering, actually I was a little. You're like, actually, I lied. I didn't lie on purpose, but I really did lie because I was thinking about it. Like, my sister and I, we were crazy together. We were very crazy. I have a younger sister and so something we would do growing up, we were all undocumented at the time. Right. Keep this in mind. But like, we would be in the back seat of my mom's car. Anytime she would drive us. I don't know why we would do this. To make her mad, basically. And we would just. We would take off our seat belts and we would just stand up.
- [05:21]
C
Yeah.
- [05:22]
Pao
And we would ride around standing up and she would be like, super mad. And I mean, that didn't end up cute after doing that, but we would do that. We would. Girl, I was just all over the place. Honestly, when I was little, I. Honestly, when I think about my childhood, there's a lot of really beautiful things that I can think about and remember, but there's a lot of. Just like, I was very a troubled child. There was a point where I was just like super rebellious. I was. I hated authority in every sense of the word, every, every single way. Even, you know, with my family. They would try to I guess, control me. I mean, they would try to, you know, teach me, obviously, as a child. And I was never having it. I wasn't having it. But I think it also had a lot to do with the way that certain people in my life try to parent me. I guess you can say that also, like, brings in just my family just, like, I guess, being toxic. Yeah, you can say. And like I said, there's a lot of good, but there's also a lot of bad. When it comes to my childhood, I would say that my childhood was probably one of the hardest times of my life. And I, like, I'll just, like, give you an example of what made it so hard. Or not what made it so hard. But recently, like, a few years back, actually, I got diagnosed with childhood ptsd. There was just a lot of toxicity I went through, you know, like, emotional, physical abuse, all of that. But I'm, you know, I'm glad that I went through what I went through because it has allowed me to be a very empathetic person, and it has created who I am today. And I know that I wouldn't be able to connect with people in the way that I do if I hadn't gone through that.
- [07:11]
C
I want to go back to you telling us about, you know, all of your family not being born here. What was it like growing up in the United States, being undocumented? Did you feel like at such an early, early age? And what was that moment that changed for you guys where you guys were able to get your citizenship?
- [07:30]
Pao
I honestly never was like, no thingo. Los mismos privileges. But I always knew. I always knew about it, and I always felt it's kind of like in the back of your mind, it's like a stressor and a worry. And as a child, I don't think it's as much as, you know, a fully conscious adult, but I would think about it, like, oh, like at any given point, you don't know what's going to happen to our family. And my mom would just, like, stress that to us, too, thankfully. So the reason we came over here is because my dad was actually working in the US and my mom wanted to be with him. And so he actually had gotten his citizenship from working here. He was doing construction, and back then it was a lot easier to get your citizenship. So he. He had his citizenship. He actually ended up helping my sister and I get ours at a pretty young age. We were seven years old when we. Or I was seven years old when I became, like, a legal citizen. And, yeah, that was. That was a whole thing in itself, though, because so my parents are. I'm like, I'm over here. I feel like I'm trauma dumping my life. Oh, my gosh.
- [08:41]
C
That. You know, growing up, your life was a little toxic. Do you feel like you were more of, like, a mommy's girl or a.
- [08:47]
Pao
Daddy'S girl before their divorce? I definitely was a daddy's girl, 100%. Like, I remember just being little and just, like, literally, these are my fondest memories of when I was little. I would just go and lay on my dad's lap and drink my baby, you know, your vivon. Yeah, I would just do that. And, yeah, I always loved, like, what my family tells me is that I always wanted my dad. Like, I just wanted to be around my dad when I was a little baby. And then, I mean, once I got divorced, yeah, it's. It shifted more. I wouldn't say I ever was a mommy's girl, honestly, but I wasn't a daddy's girl anymore. I'm like, I wasn't anybody's no one's girl. Santos Papas at five years old.
- [09:30]
C
Were you told what was going on? Like, they hit on Mija or what was that? Like.
- [09:38]
Pao
They were having problems. And it was very evident to us because I remember there was, like, a day where my. I don't. I don't know exactly what happened. My mom was yelling at my dad, and my dad locked us in a room together, all together, so that my mom would, like, leave her hystericness to herself.
- [09:53]
C
Yeah.
- [09:54]
Pao
So, like, he was trying to kind of protect us from that. And I remember shortly after that is when. I don't know exactly what happened, but my family tells me that I called my grandma one day or I got. My mom was on the phone with my grandma, who's in Mexico, and so I asked her to pass me the phone, and I told her, tita, Tita. I snitched out on my mom. And then that's when I realized, yeah, like, they. They separated. And honestly, I don't know how I really understood it at the time, but I just know that it had a big effect on me because that's kind of when all my rebelliousness also started up. And I. I kind of shut down in a way, because my dad was really my everything back then. Like, he was. You know, we had that super close bond, super close connection. So it was really, really hard for us to be apart. Then it got to the point where we only saw each other, I think, like, on weekends or like, every other weekend, something like that. It was hard. And it also was, like, even going to see him. It's weird because I love him, and I, you know, but even going over there, my sister and I kind of didn't like having to go to another house. And it was like. It was boring to us. We were like, we don't like his house. I feel like men, when. With their space, are very much, like, super plain and simple.
- [11:11]
C
Yeah.
- [11:11]
Pao
Some of them, like, he was definitely that type of guy. So it was just like. Like, I don't want to go. And it definitely kind of drew us apart, I guess you could say.
- [11:21]
C
Do you feel like eventually you guys almost stopped having, like, full communication at one point?
- [11:26]
Pao
No, we never had stopped having full communication. I think that our relationship was very much like, he was always there, but I think the emotional connection wasn't always there anymore. And that was really hard. But now I have a way better relationship with him. Like, we're a lot closer. We talk more. We have a lot more conversations. And, you know, I'm really happy that we've been able to cultivate that now. But, yeah, in my childhood, it was. It was different.
- [11:53]
C
It was hard. You know, you started becoming rebellious a little shortly after that. Do you feel like once they started separating, you almost gave your mom a hard time? Because deep down inside, you kind of almost blamed her for not being able to keep, like, the family together or Como, or. How was your relationship with your mom growing up? Do you feel like you guys were able to be closer or if anything, like, more apart because of the situation you guys were going through?
- [12:21]
Pao
Honestly, I think our relationship was always very interesting. I don't think that I necessarily resented her for, like, my parents splitting up and stuff, but I think for her, she'd never had a lot of patience with us. So it caused. It was a very weird dynamic. I. I think it caused me to grow up really fast. It caused me to just, like, mature. Like, we would have meetings sometimes where I was, like, seven years old and my sister was, like, six years old. My mom, I don't know how old she was, and she would just, like, tell us, okay, like, we're not gonna fight anymore, you guys. Like, we're gonna be good. All good now. And now, looking back on it, I'm like. It feels like that shouldn't have been the conversation that we were having. It should have been more so, you know, like, the adults doing that, which. I don't resent my mom for that, though, because at the end of the day, like she did as best as she knew to do and she has grown a lot and she has, you know, changed a lot. But yeah, it was just a very. She was very short fused when it came to us. Like I said before, it has made me mature very fast and it has also made me be able to relate to people and understand people more and just be more, I guess, emotionally. Well, like I said earlier, like empathetic has made me a very empathetic person to have gone through just like all these turbulence in my life at a young age and also another. But it has also affected me in a negative way, I feel like, which is. I feel like I have very big walls up and people do enter those walls, but very rarely.
- [14:00]
C
Yeah, quiero plate. So kind of elaborate, a little bit of what you were talking about, you becoming a very empathetic person because of that. What made you become so empathetic? Or what was the moment where you're like, you know what? I wanna be the change. Por que miramos muncho. That like a lot of teens or kids that grow up in environments like that end up, you know, going the wrong ways because like, you know, of the. Whatever the case is, what made you be like, you know what? I don't want to live a life of, you know, violence or whatever the hell you were going through like at such a young age. Que fueza momento paratio de guiza. Sabes que yo quiero navida differente.
- [14:36]
Pao
Oh my gosh. It's crazy that you asked this. My tia was actually telling me that when I was younger we would go visit Mexico, we would go like every summer. And I guess I also, I became what I didn't like. So I became very short fused and I became that like person that was like a firecracker cracker that would just explode, right? I was like that towards my family. I was like that towards my sister, my tias, my grandma even. And I hated that. I hated being like that. And at a young age I could see that in myself. And I was like, I don't want this for myself. I, I would tell my dia. I was like, I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be this person. And I knew that I wasn't meant to be that way. I was like, okay, this is, it's not like it's my personality, this is. I'm so sorry.
- [15:22]
C
No, you're good, you're good, amiga.
- [15:24]
Pao
Oh my gosh. But yeah, like this isn't who I am. It doesn't feel right.
- [15:28]
C
You were kind of almost mimicking whatever you would see at home.
- [15:31]
Pao
I was mimicking the behaviors that I would see and just thought that that was an acceptable way to be. And I wasn't. You know, I'm a. Now I'm a respectful person. I'm a person who, you know, obviously sees other people and wants the best for them and is caring and kind. And at that moment, it was different, and I wasn't really that person. And so me saying that to my. My. To my tia, I think that was one of the moments where I really was like, I don't want to be like this, and I'm gonna do anything in my power to change and to not be this person anymore. It was very hard. It was something where it. It just took. Honestly, it took just time and trial and error and even. I think at one point, I kind of suppressed that part of myself, definitely. When I did therapy a couple years back, and when they told me, oh, you have ptsd, that's kind of when I really worked on it. And I think I. You know, just with time, with working through it with my therapist, all of that allowed me to actually break free from that.
- [16:35]
C
And I think it really is, you know, is how positive and just the type of content you, like, put out there, it is very inspiring, you know, cuando yo mirror. Like, even if I can't relate, because you do do a lot of content for the girlies. But, like, when it comes to, like, mental health, you know, I think it is very important as adults to take the responsibility to heal our inner child, because. Or a lot of the toxic things we do now really does stem from our childhood, you know, did your parents either. Or said no?
- [17:11]
Pao
They didn't, actually. No. Yeah. And my dad now has a girlfriend. I'm over here exposing his whole business. I don't think he'll ever see this, but. My dad has a girlfriend now. But when we were growing up, they never. I mean, my mom had a boyfriend at one point, but, yeah, they never got remarried or anything, which, I mean, I think that helps maybe.
- [17:31]
C
Yeah.
- [17:31]
Pao
Not have. Not having to go through that, too, because I'm sure that would have been, like, a whole other story. Yeah.
- [17:38]
C
How did you feel whenever you would see your parents started dating? Did it ever anger you? Like, no. You're supposed to get back with my dad or my mom, vice versa. How was that for you growing up?
- [17:47]
Pao
Up? Honestly, I. With my mom, like, it was never anything. It was never a problem, actually. And then with my dad, he never really, like ever mentioned anybody until we were like way older. And with him, I feel like I was a little bit jealous. Like when I was younger, I feel like I would have been a little jealous, like, oh, like you have a girlfriend, you know?
- [18:06]
C
Yeah, yeah.
- [18:07]
Pao
But.
- [18:08]
Aura
This podcast is brought to you by Aura, a complete online safety toolkit. This past summer, national public data reported a breach potentially affecting Every American. Over 2.9 billion records used for background checks were stolen. If safeguarding personal information wasn't a priority before this incident should serve as a critical wake up call. You're more vulnerable than ever in today's digital landscape. That's why we're thrilled to partner with Aura. Aura monitors the dark web for users phone numbers, emails and Social Security numbers, delivering real time alerts if any suspicious activity is detected. Additionally, Aura provides up to 5 million in identity theft insurance, offering a robust safety net in the event of a worst case scenario. Aura is a complete online safety toolkit which includes a variety of other features to keep you safe online, including a VPN for secure browsing, data broker opt out to stop companies from selling your personal information and a password manager to help you create and store strong passwords for a limited time. Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online, all for free. When you visit aura.comdefense that's aura.comdefens to sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's a u r a.com defense. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details.
- [19:41]
Pao
No, now I'm like, okay, like, I want you to be happy. Like that's, you know, you. You'll be happy. Find you someone. I hope you find someone. You know.
- [19:53]
C
That you have a younger sibling growing up. How are you? How did you and your sister get along? Or were you guys super, super close?
- [20:03]
Pao
Okay, so we're only 14 months apart.
- [20:05]
C
Oh, yes. Okay.
- [20:06]
Pao
Or 15. 14. 15 months apart part. I know. I'm like, girl, I thought y'all was. I thought y'all didn't like each other due to us being so close in age. We were always bickering. We were always fighting, like all the time. Literally. Yeah, we were bad. Like, I remember literally doing crazy stuff. Like I would jump on her stomach. Dude.
- [20:30]
C
Yeah, Just cuss.
- [20:32]
Pao
Yeah.
- [20:33]
C
You're like, you look like a trampoline to me.
- [20:36]
Pao
And I would. Oh my. Not a trampoline.
- [20:39]
C
But y'all getting there right now.
- [20:42]
Pao
No, but yeah, we Were really, really. Oh, my gosh. Like, we were bad. At one point, we would freaking, like, threaten each other with, like, this was when we were a little older. We would, like, grab, like, a taser and, like, a knife and, like, act like we never actually went. Yeah, like, hit each other with it. Right. But we would, like. Yes. And then. So that was bumpy. And then at one point, when I was already getting into, like. Like, getting a little bit older, like, middle school, I remember my friends would kind of turn into her friends a little bit. So, like, my friends would come over all the time, and, you know, naturally she would be there. And they were close in age, too, so we all kind of got along. And I didn't like that at that time, I was like, I don't want you to be friends with my friends. Like, my friends are my friends. You could have your own friends. And even though we were only a year apart, I saw her as, like, the little girl.
- [21:33]
C
Yeah.
- [21:34]
Pao
Like, for me, she was, like, five years younger than me.
- [21:36]
C
Did that kind of not sit well with her growing up?
- [21:39]
Pao
Yeah, she didn't really like that. And it did cause, like, different problems. But eventually we grew out of it and we. I was more comfortable, obviously. That's like, petty little kid stuff, like, oh, you can't be friends with my friends. But, yeah, we eventually grew out of it, and now, like, I mean, we don't have many similar friends because we're obviously in different states. She's in Colorado still, but I'm not like, oh, like, I don't want you to be friends with my friends. Like, no.
- [22:04]
C
What was the moment for you guys on the Tuja ves que alfindel dias, mi hermana. I feel like our relationship needs to change.
- [22:10]
Pao
You know what? Even though, like, I'm saying we would argue all the time, we were so bad. We always had so much love for each other still, like, we always were there for each other. I would get, like, picked on when I was really young, like, let's say five years old, on the monkey bars at the playground, my sister would, like, come and tell the kids, like, why aren't you playing with my sister? Like, she was so. Even though throughout our whole, like, relationship, we've had so many ups and downs, we've always talked things out, and we've had a lot of deep conversations and, like, cried to each other about how we feel. And what really changed our relationship, like, fully, I would say, is me moving away. I think it made us a lot healthier. I think we did need that Distance from each other because we were like, you know, with your sibling, you. You're so comfortable to the point where there's, like, no boundaries. And then you end up really hurting each other at one point when you don't have boundaries.
- [23:06]
C
Yeah.
- [23:07]
Pao
So, yeah, when I moved away, it's like, now we talk to each other kind of more so, like, happily to talk to each other. Like, we. We appreciate and value each other a lot more now.
- [23:20]
C
Boundaries, I feel like that's super important. And I feel like it's something as Latinos that we don't have. You know, I've had conversations, parents, where I'm trying to explain to them, like, oh, look, this is a boundary I'mma have with you. With my siblings, they make you kind of feel like you're the person or you're crazy. Do you feel like now, you know, papas growing up, do you feel like now as an adult, you had to kind of put some boundaries up that healthy relationship? If so, what do you think are important boundaries to have with, like, family members?
- [23:56]
Pao
Yeah, 100. I think I set up boundaries even in my, like, early teenage years. I started setting those boundaries with my family. Like, no, you're not going to treat me this way. And, you know, I'm not a little kid anymore, so I actually have more of a say in what is okay and what's not okay. But, yeah, I definitely think boundaries are very important. I think, especially in Hispanic households, the way that we speak to each other, sometimes it can be just. There can be a lot of, you know, I guess not. Not necessarily hatred, but just the way that you talk sometimes to each other. That's something that I definitely had to establish with my family. Like, okay, this is not right. And also, even when. When it comes to conflicts, if we were to have a conflict, I want to talk it out and I want to actually move through the issue, because that's another thing we do. We just have all these problems, and then we act like nothing happened the next day, and then that builds up a lot of negative feelings. So that that's. It's a whole other thing, too.
- [24:53]
C
I think it's really important to, like, have boundaries as family members, because I feel like where there's no boundaries and like, because you're so used to. And you feel like this person is going to be in your life all the time, you keep constantly hurting them, whether that's with words or actions. I. I think, like, two weeks ago, actually, this happened really recently, I took my mom, my nieces, my nephews to Knott's Berry Farm. And I wanted the kids to all get, you know, like the little jugitos. I wanted all my nieces and nephews to like win a prize, right? So usually there you kind of just have to play like the little fair games up until like a certain amount of time to get a toy. And it was a hello Kitty. Like all the prizes were hello Kitty. And I remember I was like, oh my God, Sophia, my sobrina, right? I was like, sophia, look, the hello Kitty. So, so cute. And she got really hyped up and she wanted to do the little game and you know, I pay. I think it was like 45 bucks. I had her my knee, my other nieces and nephews. And I told my nieces, I was like, hey, you know, for this game, no matter who wins el premio bagarar ella, right? Because I was telling her, I was like, oh my God, get that hello Kitty. Get that hello Kitty. Like it's so cute. It's so cute. She was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, ya cuando the toy. She got like random ass one. Like one that I was like, girl, that's ugly as hell. Like, what the hell? Like it genuinely was an ugly toy.
- [26:27]
Pao
And she wanted, and she wanted it.
- [26:28]
C
It wasn't. I mean, it wasn't ugly. What was it?
- [26:31]
Pao
It was ugly.
- [26:31]
C
It wasn't. It was a part of like the hello Kitty friends. But it wasn't like hello Kitty eis, you know, it wasn't like an ugly toy, but it wasn't like the toy that me and everybody thought was like, oh my God, she's going to pick that one, right? And she was like very stern on like, no, I want this one. I want this. Me, my mom, even my grandma and my sister were like, hi Sophia.
- [26:58]
Pao
Literally.
- [26:58]
C
But like she had already chosen it and we kept telling her, like, that's so ugly. Why didn't you get the other one? Why didn't you get the other one? She looked at my sister. Keep in mind my niece is literally like no more than. She's not even over 10 years old. I think she must be like 7 maybe she looks at my sister cuz my sister was like, sophia, get another one. That one's so ugly. Get, get the other hello Kitty. Get the other hello Kitty. She looks at my sister and she go, goes, you're so rude. When she said that, when she stood up for herself, I literally felt bad because I'm like, oh my God. Like imagine you liking something and everyone's on you. As soon as she said that Thinking about it, because I was really proud for my niece, even though I was the one also, like, telling her it was ugly. But I literally looked at my sister and everyone else, I was like, yeah, because if that's what she likes, we gotta respect that. And I feel like sometimes I literally was talking to my mom and to sister and I was like, this situation seems so little to us, but as a child in her mind space a lot, it's gonna literally like scar her, like, imagine. So I literally was like, you know what? I even apologized to her. I was like, you know what, mommy, I love the toy you picked. Even though I did it, I was like, I hated it. I was like, waste the 45 bucks. But I literally was like, you know what? This is a boundary she's putting up.
- [28:17]
Pao
And we got her respect.
- [28:19]
C
And I feel like, as in Latinos, because I was explaining that to my mom and my grandma and they kind of weren't understanding it at first, but I was like, mom, and just kind of be like, okay, if that's what she picked, it's her toy, not ours.
- [28:36]
Pao
Exactly.
- [28:36]
C
And I feel like it's very important, like, to put boundaries that I literally, at that moment, I was like, wow, she's literally putting up a boundary.
- [28:43]
Pao
As a seven year old.
- [28:44]
C
As a seven year old.
- [28:45]
Pao
Amazing.
- [28:46]
C
It's. It's crazy because she literally, I think she got mad from everyone telling her, like, it was ugly that she literally stood up. So less Personas that cross those boundaries more easily. So quettoquito the high school, how was that for you? How was school for you? Were you like the, the popular girl? Were you a billionaire? How was high school?
- [29:12]
Pao
My goodness, I was, I don't know if I was popular or not. Like, it's weird because back, back in the day, Facebook was very popping. I know there's still a lot of people that use Facebook.
- [29:22]
C
Facebook, yeah, a lot of people.
- [29:23]
Pao
But over, yeah, and over there in Colorado, it was super popular. And I was like a Facebook comedian.
- [29:30]
C
No, so you would do like little Facebook videos?
- [29:32]
Pao
Dude, yes. And I would do like, just like stupid posts. Like, I would like find random posts on Twitter or whatever and post them onto Facebook or just come up with things in my head. Like, I don't know my process back then, but I would, I was a little Facebook comedian. And so I, I, I guess I was popular in that sense, but at the same time I was like, you know, I had like a few friends and it's hard to remember. I was like, popular but not popular. I did have Friends. But I. I do feel like I've always been a little bit more introverted, a little bit more to myself. So I was, I guess, a little bit of a loner, you could say.
- [30:08]
C
How were you like, in class? Do you feel like. Or do you.
- [30:13]
Pao
No.
- [30:16]
C
Like, were you good at school?
- [30:17]
Pao
Oh, I was excellent at school. I had a four point. What? 4.2 GPA I believe I graduated with. So I was like in some advanced classes and school was just. I've always been like the type of person that if I set my mind on something, I'm going to do it. And that was how I felt about school. I was like, okay, I'm going to keep really good grades. I don't know why. I guess I just felt the need to. I feel like I want the validation of having that. And even all throughout growing up, like, like throughout elementary school, throughout middle school, I was always praised for being so smart academically and just doing very well in school. So I always kept up with my grades. Like, even when I would get like a B, that was like the end of the world for me. But I don't understand how I did it though, because when I look back on school, I don't remember a lot of the things that I learned. It sucks. Like, I wish my brain would have retained that information, but I don't. I don't know how I did it. I mean, I. I'm not going to lie. I would cheat sometimes. Not all the time though. There was a couple times that I cheated, but other than that I was just good. And I didn't even have to like nuera matada. I wasn't always studying and doing all this. I just kind of grasped it, grasped the concepts very quickly.
- [31:28]
C
And just how was it like after, like high school? Did you go to college?
- [31:32]
Pao
No, I didn't go to college. There's like a part of me that wishes that I did. Look, I. I really do value education. I think we should all be as educated as possible. School, just that for me, I just felt like I've always. I've always wanted to do my own thing. I've always wanted to be my own boss. I've always felt like that is what comes very natural to me. And it makes sense because when I was younger I hated authority. So, you know, that is something that stuck with me a little bit. Like I want to be able to have full control of things and that's something that made me not pursue college. But it's like something that I battle with sometimes. Like, maybe I should Have. Have. But then there are people that I've talked to that have been, like, straight up told me. And I'm not saying that this is true or not. People that have gone to college that are like, I feel like I kind of wasted my time in college, so. But I think it's all about what you make of it. And like I said in school, I didn't learn much. That's because the way that I was taught in school, I guess it wasn't gonna be. It wasn't in a way where I could fully grasp the concepts that I was learning. So now I try to focus on just, like, learning as much as I can on my own time, and it's something I do very much prioritize.
- [32:42]
C
What was it like? El momento vie mente nos cuentas that growing up, you were like, an A plus student? You were always very estudiosa. What was it like when you had to tell your parents? What was her reaction? Como tomaro la noticia.
- [33:00]
Pao
Oh, my gosh. So I always kind of, like, sprinkled it in to my mom. Like, I was like, I don't want to go to college. I really didn't like school. I'm not gonna lie. I didn't like it as much as I did. Well, I did not like it. So I would, like, throw little sprinkles at her and stuff. And I actually. When I told her I wasn't going to college, I actually filmed a whole mukbang on it on my YouTube channel. I was doing YouTube already by that time. And I sat her down, and I just, like, expressed to her how I really felt at that time. I honestly don't know what I said back then.
- [33:30]
C
So you were breaking the news on the video?
- [33:32]
Pao
Yeah, but she already knew. Like, she had an idea already. I, you know, I obviously had shared with her how I felt, but this time was like, I'm fully, like, telling you, I now have just fully decided that I'm not going. And even for me, it was like an internal battle, because during that time when everyone was applying to colleges and stuff, I was like, what should I do? Like, I'm doing good here with my social media, but I. I don't know if I should do both or. And I don't really like school, but I also. So it was such an internal battle, and I'm an overthinker, so I. I over thunk myself. Is that how you say overthunk?
- [34:05]
C
Overthought myself.
- [34:07]
Pao
I overthought myself, like, to the grave. Literally, like, every Day. It was my constant thought pattern. They were disappointed, but it wasn't to the point where they tried to, like, have authority over me and say, like, well, or, you know, how those parents do, like, ultimatum. They weren't like that. They were, you know, still supportive of me. And my mom did see that. She. She knew that I knew what I was doing kind of.
- [34:40]
C
And I feel like, you know, going back with what you said, I. I totally agree that I feel like education is so important now at this point in my life, because I think I only went for like, a month, month, and then I dropped out because during that time that me and I was starting to, like, do social media. So it was very much like, do I put all my eggs in this basket or in this one? And obviously, I decided to go full force with social media. Gracias. Adios. For both of us. It worked out. But I really do think that, you know, although school is so important, education is, like, so valuable. I feel like, like you said, if you have a mentality of being a boss and always wanting to like Salida de Lante, that's all you really need. Because there's a lot of. Have an education.
- [35:29]
Pao
And they're willing to learn and they're willing to expand and grow their mind, even if it may not be through college necessarily, but in different ways. And that's, like, completely fine. I think that it's also about. Everyone learns different. Everyone has different skill sets. So it's. That's also something to keep in mind.
- [35:52]
C
Try it out. I really do think it just kind of follow your heart, you know, I feel like if you really want to go to school because you want to do it, do it. Make sure you have plans and goals and ambitions. You know, that at the time, you were already doing YouTube all over the for you page, you know? So what inspired you to be like, you know, what was that moment for you? Journey.
- [36:28]
Pao
Oh, my gosh. So I used to love. I've. I've said this a few times, I feel like. But I love this girl named Bethany Mota. And she was a really great YouTuber. She was a beauty guru. And she just, like, I. I was a troubled kid, right? So her videos, they brought peace to my life. They made me feel like it was like finally I could disconnect from my world and just get into her world and see her life. And it was, you know, it was nice at that age to have that. And so I was like, wow, I want to be able to do that for somebody else. I want to be that person for somebody else and be able to just bring somebody a sense of entertainment and just be. And even now, further from just entertainment, also a sense of inspiration and purpose. Purpose. All of those, you know, good feelings. I think that definitely inspired me. And also I remember just being really young and literally sitting there and I would just have random conversations. Like, you know, have you ever sat there and just thought of like, scenarios.
- [37:34]
C
Or just talking to yourself?
- [37:35]
Pao
Yes. You're acting like you're filming a video, but you're not filming it and you're talking. You've done that, right?
- [37:40]
C
All the time, dude. And my boyfriend be looking at me like, are you talking? I'm like, no, I'm prepping myself for a video or some.
- [37:46]
Pao
Yeah, it's so funny. And I know I'm not the only one. I've literally seen videos on this, on Tick Tock. But so I would do that sometimes and I would just have these like, really deep conversations at like 10, 11, 12 years old. And I was like, oh, wow. Like, I really want to be heard. I really want to be able to one day talk about this and for people to care about what I have to say and be able to share my opinion and to make a difference.
- [38:13]
C
Yeah.
- [38:14]
Pao
And I literally remember being. And I think also at that age, I didn't feel very heard. I didn't feel very much like people understood. I didn't feel heard, understood. So that was another reason. I was like, well, yeah, like, I want people to hear me out. I want to be seen in that way. I think that was like, kind of like something. A shadow of mine that I had. Yeah, kind of like that. Like I felt misunderstood and as well as I just wanted to share my thoughts and be heard by them.
- [38:49]
C
YouTube, what was that first video that you're like, oh, we're going viral. It's getting views. What was that like, oh, my gosh, dude.
- [38:57]
Pao
I'm like, what was my first. I'm not sure which video was the first one to do well, but I do know at one point I started doing public interviews and those started doing very, very well. Like, very well. It was amazing. It was like I always knew that it was going to happen. Always. I knew that this was what I wanted. And I would say when I was younger, like, I'm going to be 18, I'm going to move to LA, I'm going to be a YouTuber, I'm going to do all these things. And it all ended up coming true. True. And so when this started to happen, I was like, oh, My gosh, like, finally it's happening for me. And it was just an amazing feeling. I was so extremely grateful. I still am to this day. So extremely grateful. And yeah, I remember actually this was like my first trip outside of Mexico, which I'm very thankful that my mom paid for me to go on this trip. My school had a trip to Europe and it was, was this. It was a tour thingy. And we went to. We went to six different countries. We went to Germany, Poland, we went to Austria, we went to Czech, we went, girl, I don't even remember the rest of the places. No, I do, but I don't want to butcher it. We went there and I had posted one of my public interviews. And I remember on that trip, that video just blew up. It's so crazy. Like, numbers I had never seen before. It got to like over a million views. Views. And I was like, wow.
- [40:19]
C
On tick tock or YouTube?
- [40:20]
Pao
On YouTube.
- [40:20]
C
Okay. Okay.
- [40:21]
Pao
Yeah, that's where I started off. And I was just like, oh, my gosh, like, this is my dream, it's coming true. And it was such an exciting time. And yeah, that's. I guess that's like when I first was like, oh, wow, it's happening.
- [40:34]
C
Like, it's happening now. You know what's crazy? I didn't find. I remember it was when you were blowing up on Tick Tock, when you were doing those videos.
- [40:43]
Pao
I don't know if it was like.
- [40:44]
C
Skate time, where it was like, oh, is that your third plate? Or like, is that your third husband?
- [40:48]
Pao
Do you remember those?
- [40:50]
C
Those were so funny. I remember you would pop up on my for you page so constantly. And then when I started like diving into your, like, content, I noticed that you had been doing YouTube like years prior to you even blowing up on Tik Tok. Like, you really were like, OG. Like you were doing this since what, like 14, 13?
- [41:10]
Pao
Yeah.
- [41:10]
C
That's crazy. You know, you start posting and these videos start picking up. What was the moment for you that you're like, you know what? I can make this my full time job. I can actually go live in LA because I can afford it. What was that moment for you, oh, my gosh, When?
- [41:26]
Pao
Oh my gosh, after every question I'm like, oh, my gosh.
- [41:28]
C
You're like, oh, my gosh. You're like, slow down, Alan. That's a fucking five questions in one. Literally.
- [41:37]
Pao
That moment, Okay, I guess that moment was when before knowing, okay, I can go and live in la, there was another moment which the moment for me where I was like, okay, I know this is going to work out for me. I was like 16 years old and I was making like five, six thousand dollars a month off of. Which is crazy. At 16, like at 16 years old. Yeah. Off of YouTube alone. And I remember just being like, oh my gosh. Like I see this being something so huge because at that time I think that's more than even like my like parents.
- [42:11]
C
I think that's even more than minimum wage now. And we're talking about like years ago. Yeah, it's crazy.
- [42:17]
Pao
Years back. And so that was a moment for me where I was like, wow, like I really am like making really good money with this. I really want to keep pursuing it. And obviously, like, I love, I love doing this. It's paying me on top of that. And. And so that was that. And then whenever it came to moving to la, it was at the time when I was, I had a couple's channel at the time and that was like popping off. Crazy.
- [42:43]
C
Blew up.
- [42:44]
Pao
Crazy. Yeah. Insane. Like we, we gained like we got to like 400,000 subscribers in like two months, I want to say.
- [42:52]
C
And on YouTube, I feel like it's one of the platforms that is harder to gain.
- [42:56]
Pao
It was crazy. Crazy. Like those numbers were insane. Yeah. And that was when we were like, oh, wow, we really can like, we can move. Yeah. And it was always my dream. He kind of just like followed along with me because, you know, I honestly, I don't know how I would have done it by myself at that time. I wasn't as independent as I am now. And like moving to somewhere like Los Angeles by yourself. Yeah, that's like a huge shift. But yeah, I remember.
- [43:21]
C
I feel like when that happened, I feel like, yeah, you were already more established as an influencer. So I remember all that playing out when we don't, we don't know, like, like the apartment.
- [43:33]
Pao
Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Well, we had, it was a whole thing.
- [43:36]
C
First of all, did you guys get scam or what was it moved into a content house.
- [43:42]
Pao
Before we actually moved down to LA on our own, we had moved into a content house which was, it sounded like amazing for us because we're like, okay, like we're going to have free rent, like we're not going to have to pay anything. We're going to go live in this really nice mansion. Like it was a win win kind of situation.
- [43:57]
C
Like dream come true, girl. Literally.
- [43:59]
Pao
And then we realized it was too good to be true. I think the people that were running that company were like, maybe like scamming or something. They didn't, I don't think they were paying the rent. Oh, I don't think they were paying the rent. And so after a month of being there, the house like all fell apart and crumbled. Yeah, it, the house. So when we, when we initially went into the content house, they really pressured us into going right away. So imagine moving from your, your hometown, your state or whatever. We packed as much as we could. They were like, okay, we need you here within like a day. Yes. So it was a very sudden decision for us. Like it was like, okay, like you need to come now. So we go, we get there and it's, you know, it's a weird dynamic living in a content house. Just to give you a picture of it, basically every morning we would have meetings like at 9 in the morning, and it was kind of pointless meetings. Like, we would just sit there, they would be like, okay, you need to film this, you need to film this. And then that's it. Like it was kind of. I don't know if they just wanted us up early or what the case was.
- [45:00]
C
So what was kind of like your guys's purpose as content creators? Like, were you guys making money for them or what? How does that work? What was that like? Because that sounds kind of, I've always wondered about content houses. Like, how does that work?
- [45:17]
Pao
So we, we had to make content for the content house. For the content house. Tik Tok account. So we would do videos for them. Them. But outside of that, honestly, I don't know how we contributed. Like me and my ex boyfriend specifically. I don't know how we really contributed to that because they weren't bringing like ad or brand deals for us or anything like that. I'm, what I'm assuming is that they would bring in deals for certain creators and they would get a cut and then that would be part of like the rent money. Yeah, that's what I'm assuming. But honestly, we were just there for such a short amount of time that I feel like we didn't even, we weren't even a part of that.
- [45:54]
C
You guys rush into this decision, you guys move in and a month later, what was that moment for Yoya Mente? You were probably stressed out. Did it ever cross your mind, like, you know what, let's go back. My little dream is crushed. We gotta go back home. What was that like for you?
- [46:11]
Pao
We did go back home. We did go back home because we were like, oh my gosh, we're scared. Like, we don't Feel prepared yet to fully get our own place. Yeah, like, this is happening too fast. So we're like, okay, let's go back and let's, like, get ourselves settled. And so that's what we did. But it was embarrassing. Like, we had literally posted all about how we moved to la and we were so excited and it was so cool. And then boom, Our literally, our dream was crushed. And so it was just like, oh, you guys. We came back and when we left, we had done, like, this thing with all our friends back home and like, like, you know, like, oh, I'm emotional.
- [46:50]
C
For you to be back a week later.
- [46:53]
Pao
Literally, it was so bad. But then we basically got ourselves together. We were back home for, like. So this has happened in the summertime. We were back home until January. So January came around and we moved to LA now, like, for good, on our own terms. And moving out is already a whole thing in itself. Especially when you don't have credit. You don't have girl.
- [47:14]
C
Yeah.
- [47:14]
Pao
Literally, we had to pay our full year of rent up front. We.
- [47:17]
C
That was that, if you don't mind.
- [47:19]
Pao
I think it was like, 30,000, 35.
- [47:22]
C
So that's crazy.
- [47:24]
Pao
And. But we were like, what are we gonna do? Nobody wants us. Like, nobody.
- [47:28]
C
All straight cats, you know, like, no one wants to shelter us. That's crazy. That must have been intense. Like, imagine dropping 30k, but also must have felt good. Like, once you guys started making money, you're like, well, we're kind of living rent free.
- [47:42]
Pao
Not really rent free, but, like, we saw it. We're like, all right, like, it is what it is. And honestly, now that I think about it, we really did take a big kind of like, chance on ourselves. Like, that's a lot of money to just drop and be like, okay, like, let's move here and let's do this. When, you know, at the end of the day, there's a lot of uncertainty that comes with being on social media and everything during that time.
- [48:02]
C
I remember seeing everything that was happening. You said, you know what? I fall down, I get the back up and I'm back back in LA of how lucrative social media can be. You know, social media influencer. I all the time that you have investment properties in Mexico, what made you get into, like, investing in properties and why in Mexico?
- [48:41]
Pao
Okay, so I've always been very much somebody who I love learning about, like, finance, real estate, all those types of things. So when I first started making money, I was like, okay, how can I build this up beyond what it is? And so I started researching and stuff and I learned about real estate and I learned how. How insane real estate is when it comes to building wealth and how important it is. That was my goal actually for about three years, to buy my first property, whatever that was going to be. I had no idea that it was going to be in Mexico. I had no idea what it was going to be. But every year I was like, okay, I want to invest in a property. And then the next year would come, I want to invest in a property, and I wouldn't do it. And I think it's because honestly, it is something that can be intimidating, especially when you, you know, you're first getting to know all of these different terms, you're getting to know the market, how it works and everything. And it was very intimidating for me. And so I feel like I was scared to bite the bullet until one day I was on the phone with my grandma and she was just telling me about like a conosita and she was telling me that she was actually moving to Cancun and that she has her conosita, has a brother in Cancun who owns a real estate company, is a real estate agent. She was telling me that she was also going to be investing in real estate there, the Conosa. And so I was like, oh wow, like that's really cool. Actually. I kind of want to, I want to know more. I kind of want to see if maybe this is something that I can do. Cuz at that point I just had like, you know, a good amount of money kind of sitting there waiting on me to make a move. You know, I got in contact with the brother that is a real estate agent and then he started showing me properties. I planned out a trip to go to Cancun. I went all by myself. I went and met with him and his sister, sister. And they showed me around a bunch of properties. And I'm not gonna lie, it was like a very intense kind of thing. Like for me, I still feel like I'm not at the point where I feel very comfortable with all of this. I feel like I'm diving into something that I don't fully understand as well as I would want to understand. But you know, I did, I did all my tours, I did my research as well as I could with everything, and I decided, okay, I'm just gonna do it. I'm gonna invest in this property. I ended up purchasing two condos. I paid one of them up front and the other one, I think I did like a 30 down payment and they're actually not done being built yet. My. One of them was actually supposed to be done by now. They're kind of running behind. I know they had. What did they have?
- [51:12]
C
So it's like in a tourist place.
- [51:14]
Pao
Yeah. Okay. In Tulum, actually. One of them is in Tulum. The other one is Playa del Carmen. And the reason I decided on Tulum is because of the growth that it's expected to have. They actually recently opened up an airport there, I think I saw. Yeah. And they also opened up El Maya, which that train is going to be able to take you from Tulum to Cancun, anywhere in between. And they didn't have that before. So it was kind of a drag for people to go, like, you know, get to the Cancun airport and then have to go on car, whatever, whatever. Go to. All the way down to Tulum, which is like. I don't want to say, like, two hours away.
- [51:51]
C
It was like a hassle back then.
- [51:52]
Pao
It was a hassle. And so this train makes it so easy and fast and stuff. And that's one reason why I was like, okay, I want to invest in that. And I don't know if I was like, also on conspiracy tick tock or I don't know exactly what was going on with this, but I was just hearing a lot about how the US Dollar was depreciating in value, and I was also scared for that. I was like, I'm scared, like, what if I invest, invest in the US and then things don't go. Go well, and, like, I don't know what to do. So I was like, maybe it's better to invest over here. I still don't know about if I made the right choice with that, but I do know that I'm very happy that I did get those properties, and I'm very excited for the future when it comes to real estate and specifically for those properties. I do want to continue to invest and invest here in the United States eventually. And everything's. So I guess I'm just waiting to really. To find a good opportunity to do so, you know?
- [52:47]
C
Primera mente. Do you come from, like, a family of money?
- [52:50]
Pao
No.
- [52:52]
C
You mentioned something that I feel like I can identify, you know. No. That for a long time you kind of were, like, sitting on this opportunity because buying a home or buying property is a big deal. Do you feel like the reason why you kind of dwelled on it and kind of was stalling on it was because you grew up not having much, and now that you're in the Position of being able to like be like, you know what? And it kind of became like, oh, like I've never seen anyone around me growing up being in this position or what do you feel like what that.
- [53:23]
Pao
Was exactly that I, I didn't have that guidance. And my guidance was just as much as I learned from reading or watching videos. And that was my, you know, knowledge that I had on it. So I didn't have like any first time experience or not first hand, but my family didn't have that first hand experience. So yeah, it was very, it's intimidating.
- [53:46]
C
It did.
- [53:46]
Pao
It is very intimidating. If you take this risk, it's like you have that foundation. Your family doesn't have that foundation for you. So there's more peso to those decisions. They hold a lot of weight.
- [53:56]
C
I feel like, you know, you're doing the damn thing, you know, you're so young and you're already creating generational wealth, which, like you said, I feel like that's a goal for everyone. That should be a goal. Do you feel like being so young and already doing this, do you feel like it comes with a lot of pressure? If so.
- [54:14]
Pao
I think it definitely does come with a good amount of pressure, but I feel like in a way I, I can handle it. Like, I feel like I, I was put in that position to be able to handle it. But I guess the main pressure for me is like, I want to, to be able to build something that's going to outlive myself and that's going to also help my family. Like, that's one of my biggest things. So right now I'm really, really focused on just building that foundation for myself and for my family and just for my future in general. I think it's very important. So I try to be smart with my money. I try not to, you know, waver too much. There was a point too where I felt kind of like I've outgrown this, but there was definitely a point where I felt kind of resentment. I guess you can say, in a way, my family and the way that I was just like, why couldn't you guys have set up this foundation that I'm now trying to set up? And now I look at it differently. I think it's valid though, to feel that way. And I think two things can be true at once. I think you can feel that way, but you can also acknowledge, like, hey, but at the end of the day, my parents did do a lot for me. They, they came to the United States, they, they made those big moves that was their move that they made made. And I acknowledge that too now. But at one point I did feel kind of like, like I wish you guys would have started your business or I wish you would have, you know, done, done something a little bit different. But I know I can't blame them for that and I don't judge them for that at all. I know everybody's path is different. And, you know, just because this is what I'm doing doesn't mean that they had to do the same thing.
- [55:51]
C
Exactly. Like you said, it's important to understand and it's important that you, at such a young age, you're taking on this opportunity. Today's episode is brought to you by Alma. Alma believes that therapy is more impactful when you feel heard and understood. That's why they help people find a therapist who really gets them the right someone to talk to. Not just anyone. Alma can help you find a therapist who gets you when you when you browse the directory, you can filter by what you want to focus on. For example anxiety, relationship or big life transitions, as well as any preference around gender, sexuality, faith, and more. Alma can help you find a therapist who takes your insurance. People who find in network care through ALMA save an average of 77% on the cost of therapy. It's easy to get started with Alma, browse the directory without creating an account or sharing payment income information. You can book a free consultation call with any therapist you're interested in seeing. These 15 minute calls give you a chance to see if they're a good fit for you so you can find someone you really click with. Even though I'm currently not in therapy, I know the importance of having someone in my life who truly understands where I'm coming from. For those of you guys that follow me, Obia Mentees the past month and a half has been one of the hardest months of my life and going through everything I've been been through this past month. With my grandpa's passing, I wish I could have been in therapy prior and during the process to really help me kind of navigate these feelings of grief to join therapy. If you've been considering finding a licensed professional to help you work through your own life challenges, give Alma a try. Alma can help you find the right therapist for you. Not just every Anyone visit hello Alma.com Allen to get started and schedule a free consultation today. That's hello a LMA.com Allan of Healing In December of 2022 you posted a video where you documented six months of your breakup and because you know you were being very real and very raw with your emotions. Emotions, you know, how was your healing process from going from being in a really long relationship to, like, you know, accepting that it was done? What was that process like that got you through that process?
- [58:19]
Pao
I would say that time in my life was very transformational for me. Like, it was the most transformational moment probably in my whole life. Because losing someone that I was so attached to, that was basically my whole world. World really caused me to have to face myself. And it caused me to just see. It caused me to see all of the shadows that I was hiding. Kind of goes along with what we were talking about earlier when I went to therapy and stuff like that. That was another factor of it. It really. The breakup really did just change me. And it forced me to grow not only beyond, beyond beyond, like growing from the relationship and everything. It forced me to grow as a person and really look inward. Like, what am I really looking for in life? What am I missing in my life? Who. Who am I? It caused me to really analyze myself and just get to know myself at a really different level. But honestly, the thing that really helped me get through that was just there was a lot of factors that went into it. It was, first of all, therapy. That was part of it. Another thing was journaling. I journaled so much. Like, I would. My mind was racing constantly. My mind is already always racing, so I had to be able to get my thoughts away from my head.
- [59:37]
C
Yeah.
- [59:37]
Pao
So that was another thing. My family, my friends, they helped me a lot in my healing journey. It was a lot of things that went into it, but honestly, yeah, it was a very hard time.
- [59:48]
C
We see you healed now. Do you feel like at the time, was there ever a moment where you're like, I can't do this. Like, I can't not overcome this breakup.
- [59:57]
Pao
I did have a moment where I really broke down. And it was just. It's not that I thought, I can never get through this, but it felt like I was hitting rock bottom. And I felt really, really, really lost and really alone and even with my own self. And so it was this. It was. This is how you know you're bad. I had to sign up for therapy at three in the morning because I was really worried about myself. Yeah, I signed up, like, late at night one night, and I. And I think I talked about that too in my healing video made. But, yeah, you know, I feel like therapy.
- [60:32]
C
I feel like a lot of people have, like, this negative connotation, like, oh, no, you know, therapist. Because I'm good, you know, but I feel like it is very important to like seek professional help. What do you feel like you learned about yourself that was so life changing to where you're like, oh my God, I didn't realize this, but now that my therapist. Therapist is like explaining it to me, like I can see why I was or why I was going through so many things. Now it all makes sense.
- [61:00]
Pao
I think that I really learned that I was kind of. I. I never felt whole. That's what I learned. And it wasn't necessarily my therapist that led me to this realization. It was kind of me on my own, but I was like, wait. I've never really felt like I was whole and complete. Like, it felt like my partner in my relationship completed me. And so it was kind of a moment where I had to face myself and just truly like give myself the acceptance that I always craved and give myself the understanding that I always craved too. And yeah, I just, I came to that realization. I was like, wow, like I need to be there for myself. Like I need need because nobody else is going to be here for me the same way that I can. And yeah, that's. That was my moment.
- [61:52]
C
And just of your whole healing process is how advocate you've been about healing the right way. You know, miramos muncho. That a lot of women or men, you know, once they're done with the relationship, they go on and get into a new relationship or just start dating really quickly to try to, you know, heal or you know, fill in that void. How important was it for you to be fully healed before you jumped into something new?
- [62:16]
Pao
Honestly, it was crucial because. Okay. The way I see it is if you immediately go on to the next thing, onto the next person, whatever it is you, you lose out on actually knowing yourself.
- [62:30]
C
Yeah.
- [62:30]
Pao
Like you don't actually. I just feel like at that point the relationship is simply a distraction. Like I don't feel comfortable being in a relationship or being in anything if I'm using it as a way to distract myself from myself.
- [62:45]
C
Yeah.
- [62:45]
Pao
And from my situation that I'm going to like, I want to fully be where I am because it's something that's gonna better me and because it's something that's good for me. Not because I miss somebody else and not because I can't face my feelings and I can't sit with my feelings because I know that it's. That happens with a lot of people. They don't want to sit through the feelings because it's hard.
- [63:06]
C
Yeah.
- [63:07]
Pao
Like it is not easy to have to actually face. And yeah, it's not easy, but that's why I think it's honestly crucial because then you end up in a cycle of toxicity, I feel like. Because then you go to the next person and then, well, if you're not even healed now, you're going to hurt that person and it's, it's too much. I think you should always just focus on, you know, your inner work before jumping into an anything. It was just something where I was like, I have to work on this because I can't really function throughout life without healing this right now. So it was like, not really. I didn't give it a second thought, honestly.
- [63:49]
C
You know, you shared before we get to what you shared, you know, about the co parenting. No amigas. No to. You guys co parented a dog for almost two years and I feel like whenever you guys would talk about that, I feel like you guys would get a lot of backlash because people would be like, oh, that's just an excuse to continue being in each other's life. Like, oh, you know what, let's co parent. And how was it like co parenting your pet with your ex?
- [64:18]
Pao
Yeah. So we were both really attached to our dog. Honestly. He, he means, means, he meant and means the world to us. And so when we broke up, it was just something that naturally kind of happened. Like neither of us wanted to let go of the dog. And people always were like, it's just an excuse. You just want to see each other genuinely. That was never where I was coming from, like, ever for me it was like, I want, I want to see my dog. Like I love him, I want to spend time with him. So we would do that. We would drop him off off like every, every week. We would have him on and off. I understand why people feel a certain way about it because it is, it is strange, I will admit, like, it is, I guess a little bit weird. But we just had that really close bond to our dog that it was just a natural thing. But then eventually it got to the point where I just, I always knew that this couldn't be forever.
- [65:14]
C
Yeah.
- [65:14]
Pao
Like from the beginning I knew it wasn't going to be forever.
- [65:16]
C
But you were conscious. Conscious.
- [65:18]
Pao
I was conscious of it. I kind of wish now looking back on it, even though I love, I love my dog so much, or I guess he's not technically my dog anymore because we don't parent him together anymore, but I love him so much. But sometimes I do think maybe it wasn't the best Decision for us to do that for two years. Because then we got even more attached to him.
- [65:38]
C
Yeah.
- [65:39]
Pao
Because we had had him for, I think, like, a year when we broke up. So then it's like going from being attached for only one year to being attached for three years.
- [65:48]
C
Three years?
- [65:48]
Pao
Yeah, in total. So it was like, oh, now I have to make a decision. Am I going to continue to do this, or. I guess I had to really think very logically. Even though I didn't want to. I really didn't want to. I wanted to still see the dog. I still, you know, I.
- [66:06]
C
You were thinking emotionally for a long time, like, you're like, I love this dog. I don't want to have to let go.
- [66:12]
Pao
Exactly. And then it got to a point where I was like, okay, well, seeing things logically. He lives in a house, and he. At that time, he lived with another dog as well. So it's like. It makes a lot of sense. They have a backyard. I didn't have that, and I wasn't able to provide that for him. On top of that, it was to the point where I'm like, okay, well, how long is this really going to last? Yeah, like, how long can we make this work? You know, one day we're going to move away from each other, or one day maybe we're going gonna get. If he were to get a girlfriend, it wouldn't be a problem with me. Right. But maybe the girlfriend would have a problem with us co parenting, just like, a lot of different things. And I just got to the point where I'm like, okay, it's now or never. Like, it's either we stop right now, or what are we gonna do, like, five years down the line, stop, and we're gonna be even more attached, and it's gonna be just pointless. So it was just that kind of thing. And it was a really. It was such a hard decision to make.
- [67:07]
C
Do you feel like co parenting at the beginning made it a little harder for you to, like, really heal?
- [67:12]
Pao
Honestly, I don't think that it really had a big effect just because it was so, like, it was strictly that. It was strictly, this is our dog together, and that's what it is. And we definitely have boundaries. And I think that's another reason why people like to, like. Liked to come at us for this and be like, oh, like, you guys are still, like, over here doing stuff, and you're. You know. And I'm like, no, we have boundaries. But, yeah, I don't think it really affected, especially because either way, I See him out at like, events and things like that. Like, we've, we're in the same industry, so we're bound to run into each other. So it was just kind of like that type of same thing.
- [67:52]
C
You were no longer going to be co parenting with your ex, full custody of Woody. What led you to like finally making that decision?
- [67:59]
Pao
I guess I finally, finally thought it out logically. And at that time I was also always traveling. So I was like, okay, like, this is just. It doesn't even feel fair at this point. It feels like too much change for him, for the dog. And so that was kind of like the breaking point for me. And I don't remember exactly how I told. I think I just like told him one day, like straight up, like, okay, I honestly don't know if we can keep doing this. And we had had conversations about like, what is this going to lead to one day? Like, are we going to be able to do this? And it was just that day that I was like, okay, we're going to have to stop. And it's, it's very hard. It is very hard. I'm still there. Like, he recently moved out and I was taking care of Woody for a while for like two weeks. And I'm always going to be there whenever he needs. Like, you know, at the end of the day, I love Woody so much. I love him so much that I'll always be there. If, if I ever need to be there, I will be there. But yeah, it's. I miss him. It's just that I know that I can't keep doing that.
- [69:05]
C
You know, O you've healed and you recent, you've been actually talking about this a lot on social media. You're back in your dating era two years later, estas back on the market. So what was it like the first time you went on a date after not going on dates for so long?
- [69:24]
Pao
It was so nerve wracking. And you know what, the first time I went on a date, it was kind of like the first time I ever went into the dating scene in general because when I met my ex boyfriend, we were in high school, like I was never like going on dates and like, you know, so it was. This was like my first real first date because my first date with my ex boyfriend, we went to prom together. That was our first date. So this was like my first real first date. And we went to a restaurant, we had dinner and, and it was scary. I didn't even know what to talk about. I like looked up beforehand on tik tok, like what to talk about on a date. I honestly was like, I don't know what to expect. It went well. I mean, the guy, you know, he was cool, whatever. He, he was so funny. He was actually super tall. He was like 6 4. He's like, I want to go to Disneyland. And I was like. And I lowkey ghosted him afterwards, which I don't condone ghosting people anymore. But you know, back then it was another different power. It was a different pal. I. I've grown. Ah.
- [70:22]
C
Why did you ghost him?
- [70:24]
Pao
I was, I just was like, I don't know if I want to keep talking to you. And so he wanted to go to Disneyland with me and I was like, that's. We're going to stick out. Like, we're going to stick out bad. So, you know, normally people come up to me and they're like, oh, I love your videos and stuff. And so I was like, oh my gosh, like people are going to recognize us.
- [70:44]
C
We're gonna, they're gonna record it, post it online.
- [70:47]
Pao
Yeah. So I was like, no, we're not actually, I have to stop talking.
- [70:50]
C
And at the time were you public about like going on dates or tabiana?
- [70:54]
Pao
Yeah, that was my first. I actually did like a get ready with me for a date video that day and it did really well. And that was that first time that I actually went and went on a date after the breakup.
- [71:08]
C
When it comes. Well, not like experta, like you've got on a lot of this, but I feel like, you know, you know, you've stepped into a few like situations and you've been in a couple of dates. What are tips that you know, for the girls or the guys watching at home that are barely getting into the dating scene? What are tips or things that you're like, you know what, you need to know this before you go on a date.
- [71:28]
Pao
The first thing I want to say is just when you go on a date, don't go into it thinking like, oh, this is going to be my husband or whatever. Yeah, go into it seeing it as, okay, let's see who this person is. I want to get to know this person person. And we'll take it from there. Don't go into it already like trying to impress them, trying to be somebody you're not going to it to genuinely get to know them. That's literally the point of a date, to get to know each other and then see if you want to continue dating, if you want to keep getting to know each other. Also for the Girls in general, when it comes to dating in general, just like, date people that want to date you. What I mean by that is choose the man that is actively choosing you. You don't go out of your way to like, try to pursue a guy that hasn't even shown interest in you. I honestly have realized that the dating experiences that are so much more worth it are when the man is actually the one there trying to pursue you and actually shows genuine interest in you.
- [72:26]
C
You know, you were actually the talk of the town, a tick tock. Not like that. Like in my house, like between me, my boyfriend and my best friend, there was a tik tok you posted from one of your, like, your podcast. And it really sat with me and I used that analogy and that example that you were giving to a few other people. And I'm like, oh, you know, you have this much power and it's real and it's true. As women, you really, as women, you have the power to pick, you know, your husband and the father of your children. And I feel like that is very true. And I feel like a lot of women don't understand how much power they have and they settle for like, whatever the bare minimum and you know, they end up in sticky situations, you know, baby daddy problems or just anything and just elaborate.
- [73:16]
Pao
Well, I think we're very much fed, like, oh, you need to find a man. You need to do this and that for a man. You need to. It's kind of like as women you get fed that narrative. Like, you need to live your, your life for a man and a man will see you and if a man deems you worthy, then you're worthy, which is completely wrong. I think a man will never see the worth in a woman who doesn't see the worth in herself. I think that's why I honestly have had, you know, good experiences with dating because I always come as like, okay, I am worthy. Like, even when I, when I was telling you, like, I didn't feel like I was completely whole, I still knew, like, I'm not going to put up with just anything.
- [73:56]
C
Yeah.
- [73:57]
Pao
And so as a woman, you really need to have that sense of empowerment and really carry that with you through life and never try to just don't do things to please a man. Do things to make yourself happy. And trust me, that's going to attract a way better quality man than if you just go through life like, okay, like, I'm going to dress a certain way just because this is what a man is going to like, I'm Going to act a certain way. I'm gonna allow this person to disrespect me. I'm gonna allow them to treat me however they want to treat me, because I want them to pick me. Like, no, that's literally the opposite of what you should be doing. And I think that just having that mental. That mentality is going to save you from a lot of really bad situations.
- [74:42]
C
And I feel like, you know, another thing that you had mentioned is the responsibility that as a woman, you have, you know, at the end of the day, you know, things can happen that, like, even if you go into a relationship and this person, you know, set the pinta as the best person in the world, things can happen. You know, people can change. And maybe, like, how you met him is not. But, like, I think it is very important for women to, like, be like, you know what? I'm responsible for who I choose. Because establishment. When I was hearing that podcast and, like, the little clips, I was like, you know what? I never really thought about it in that, like, perspective. Like, women do have the power to be. You said something about we have the power to choose. Choose who we want, and it is true.
- [75:31]
Pao
Exactly. And you have to really, like, believe that. Believe that you're valuable. Because if not, it's like you. You just waste your time. Yeah, you truly just waste your time. You have to know your worth. Because if not, then it's like you. You just start to overlook red flags. And it's like, that's where you actually see who the person is, is. And oftentimes that's how you get yourself in a bad situation. You overlook the first little thing because why? You're like, no, it's fine. Like, I really like this person. It doesn't matter. Then you overlook the next thing. And then it's like, now you're in this cycle where you can't get out because now you're in too deep. So it's really important to carry that when you go throughout dating, especially because in the early stages, it's like, you don't have to. You can go out on dates and stuff with someone, and it doesn't mean they have to be your everything right away. Like, you can actually just go get to know them and genuinely see who they are and what type of person they are. And you have to actually think long term. Like, okay, Will, what would it be like to raise a family with this person? Like, is this person somebody that I would want my children to be like? But when you go in, like, without knowing your worth and, and just like, oh la la la la, whatever.
- [76:49]
C
It's like you're like girl, like they're gonna treat you like that literally.
- [76:52]
Pao
They're gonna be like literally basically is what I'm saying.
- [76:57]
C
Cuz men literally will go as far as you allow them. They're gonna keep continue to treat you bad if you allow that. But if you put your boundaries or if you're like, you know what, you treat me this way, I'm. You save yourself from like being in a situation that you shouldn't have been in. That's a very way to think. When did you feel like, you know what, I'm gonna attract a man that is worthy of me.
- [77:24]
Pao
It's like a mix of moments that have created that mentality inside of me. First of all was like my, my mom and my grandma telling me this. Like you, you know, you need to choose wisely when you get older. Obviously seeing it not work out with like my mom and my dad and then seeing firsthand certain relationships that I'm just like, okay, I don't want to be like that. That was one of the things. Another one is just simply now that I've been dating and going on dates, I see relationships differently. And I'm like. And even being having been in a long term relationship, I see it differently now too. Like love is very important. It's so important. But it's not everything in a relationship. And that's where the switch kind of flipped inside of me me where I was like, okay, like even though you love somebody, you could love someone so much, but you may not be fully compatible and that's okay. And I'm willing to walk away from. I'm willing to walk away from anything personally. That's how I am. Which maybe it sounds bad but.
- [78:26]
C
But it's also. You're saving yourself, protecting yourself at the end of. I don't think it sounds bad. I feel like it sounds wise can happen to either. Or like go into it like and catch all those red flags.
- [78:46]
Pao
Yes. Because it's also so easy to like just start overlooking little things. Or maybe there's some things that you don't really like in a person. But then you just start spending all this time with them and then you just get in so deep your emotions get involved and that's when it's over. It's like, exactly.
- [79:02]
C
And I feel like you mentioned something that is super important. You know, I feel like whenever, you know, uno tambien, when they come from like a broken family, we almost kind of be like well, my parents were like that. I feel like everyone's relationship should be like that. There's good dates, bad dates, but you'll never know if it's a good date unless you go on them.
- [79:21]
Pao
Exactly.
- [79:21]
C
You know, Asapoco, you opened up about, you know, going on, flying out for a date date. Lying out amigas. You went on a winery date, and you soon and quickly realized that this was not the date for, you know. And why did you feel like this was not the date for you?
- [79:45]
Pao
Oh, my gosh. I'm gonna tell you the story. So I met this guy at the time I was on a dating app.
- [79:50]
C
Okay.
- [79:50]
Pao
I had met this guy. This. So when we went on our trip, it was this past summer. This summer. But we had met on this dating app, like, over a year ago. So we had, like, followed each other on Instagram. We had been talking here and there. He had, like, invited me out to dates and stuff, but he actually didn't live over here. He lives. I don't want to say too much. I'm like, I'm a little scared of him now, but he, like, far. He lives a little far, right? And so, yeah, we followed each other on Instagram. Eventually, one day. Day, he's like, hey, like, I want to go. I want to take you to Napa Valley. And I'm like, oh, like, that sounds nice. Like, that sounds fun. I've always wanted to go. I've always seen, like, really pretty pictures and stuff, and I've wanted to go to a winery. I've never. I had never been at that time. I was like, should I do it? Should I not? So I talked to, like, a few of my friends. One of them was like, girl, just do it. Like, just do it for the plot. Like, it's fine. Yeah. And then the other one was like, like, girl, like, you don't know him. Like, what if you get kidnapped?
- [80:52]
C
Scary. Yeah. Yeah.
- [80:53]
Pao
All of these things could have happened. And so I decided to go and. But I did tell him, like, I don't want to seem like somebody I'm not. I was like, hey, like, I. I just need my own hotel room, right? Like, I need to be separate. I'm not gonna be, like, sleeping in.
- [81:08]
C
The same room with you. Like, no.
- [81:10]
Pao
Yeah. And I set that boundary and stuff, and he was fine with it. And then I flew. Well, he. Obviously. He paid for my flight and stuff. I flew over there. He was, like, driving distance, like, an hour or so. So he drove and picked me up. And from that first moment, so I had talked to him on FaceTime before we had FaceTimed. And it was fine. The FaceTime was good.
- [81:33]
C
And you're like, okay, he's real.
- [81:36]
Pao
Yeah. Like, at least I made sure of that. Keep in mind, I am not. I'm not saying go and do this. Like, don't do what I did. Honestly, this is good that I'm telling this story so that I could ring a wor. Honest to not be stupid like me. But basically, yeah, we go. We go to the first winery. Everything was super beautiful. He was being, you know, a gentleman. He was being nice and everything. We're having good conversation. But I was already like, maybe this wasn't the best idea, because I'm not gonna lie. Something about his voice. I realized I didn't really like his voice, and so I was like, oh, no. I'm stuck here with him. But whatever. It is what it is. Like, I'm the type of person who. I just try to make the best out of any situation that. That I'm in, right? So I'm like, okay, we're gonna have a good time. We're gonna go to different wineries. And me and my naive little head, I'm like, this is what he wanted to do. Like, you know, he wanted to bring me to these wineries. He maybe just wanted a date for the weekend at these wineries. Like, maybe he was already planning this trip and he wanted to bring a date and just have a good experience, right? The next day comes around, right? We obviously, he had his room, I had my room. We meet up in the morning. Everything is going good. He's. He's being a gentleman. He's paying for everything. He's taking us to, you know, lunch, dinner, all these things. And then he's. He just slowly started to show his true colors. So he started to make, like, a lot of sexual jokes, and I was just like, oh. Like, just awkward. And I just wouldn't laugh at his jokes. Like, I would just be like, you.
- [83:02]
C
Would make them know that you were uncomfortable?
- [83:04]
Pao
Yeah, I was just like, I'm. I feel like I'm an open book. Like, if I'm uncomfortable, it's very noticeable. Noticeable. So he did that, and then, girl, this was, like, horrible. Basically, after lunch, on our. On the second day, I'm walking out of the restaurant. This man goes. And he, like, touches my ass.
- [83:26]
C
Like, slaps it or just, like, slap it?
- [83:28]
Pao
He, like, like, pinched it kind of. And I was just like, what the itunion?
- [83:35]
C
You were walking in front of him or come.
- [83:36]
Pao
I was walking in front of him when he did it. And so I was like, I. I confronted him, but I honestly didn't know exactly what to do. I feel like when you're in the situation, you always think you're going to do something, and then you don't do it. That was me. I was like, what are you doing? Like, what. Why did you do that? I. I told him, and he's like. He's like, what? Like, I'm like, why would you do that? And then he's like, oh, like, you had something on you. And I'm like. I'm like, okay. Like, yeah. Like, I'll believe that. And I was just annoyed, but I was like, now looking back, I'm like, damn, I should have just took an Uber to the hotel and just left at that point, because that's so disrespectful. Like, that's not okay. But no, I didn't, because, you know, it's one of those things where you're just. I feel like you're not accustomed. I'm not accustomed to, I guess, making a big deal out of things, in a way, but I really wish I would have, and I know I. I genuinely am. Like, that was a learning experience.
- [84:36]
C
Yeah.
- [84:38]
Pao
But we ended up going to this one final, like, winery party after that, and he just started. This is why don't ever go on a trip or do anything, like, go anywhere with someone that you haven't actually got to know. Because he just started showing his true colors. And then he was, like, saying, like, racist remarks. So we were at this winery, and keep in mind, this is, like, all white people. It's all like. And I even felt out of place, too, except there was actually two black people there. And he literally goes out of his way, and he makes a remark, and he's like, oh, all black people look the same. And I was like.
- [85:17]
C
And you're all gagged.
- [85:18]
Pao
You're like, I was literally gagged. And I was like, no, they don't. And he was like, they do to me. And then I was just like, oh, my gosh. Like, what did I get myself into? I just saw all his true colors came out. And I was like, who am I even out with right now? Like, this is crazy. So we were, like, drinking wine and stuff, and then he's like, oh, like, after this, we should take a nap. And I was like, oh. Like, yeah, like, you could take a nap in your room, and I'll take a nap in my room, because I'm very much like, I don't play about that.
- [85:46]
C
Yeah. And you're being straight up.
- [85:49]
Pao
I don't want him to get the wrong idea. I tell him that, and he gets kind of upset. And then once we get to the hotel. Hotel. He mentions it again. He's like, so, like, we're really not gonna take a nap together? And I was like, no. Like, you could sleep in your room and I'll sleep in mine.
- [86:04]
C
And then sleep anyway. Literally.
- [86:06]
Pao
And I kid you not, this man turns into a toddler. He, like, goes like. Like, he walks away like, I'm.
- [86:13]
C
Y'all mad that my plans didn't go as planned?
- [86:16]
Pao
Literally. I was like, what? And okay, now looking back, I'm like, all right, I shouldn't have accepted to go on this trip.
- [86:26]
C
Yeah.
- [86:26]
Pao
Because now thinking about it, I was naive to think that he wasn't going to want something else out of me.
- [86:32]
C
Yeah.
- [86:33]
Pao
But I guess in my head, I just didn't think of it that way. I thought of it because I don't see, like. I don't see things in that way. But I now realize I can't be naive.
- [86:45]
C
Like, you're over here going on a date because you genuinely want to meet someone, not going on a date to, like, have sex or any of that.
- [86:51]
Pao
Yeah, exactly. I'm like. I'm thinking, like, he genuinely wants to get to know me too, and he wants to, you know, take me on this cool winery trip and just have a good time together there. And not in, like, any sexual type of way. Right. That's what was going through my head, but clearly not. And I have learned my lesson from that. But he gets so upset, and then we go into the. The elevator. Thank God there was people in the elevator too. Cuz honestly, I was a little bit scared after, like. And so we were on different floors, too. Thank God. So I go to my floor, he goes to his. And I texted him. I honestly don't know. I even texted him, but I was like, what's wrong? And then he was like, dinner is off.
- [87:31]
C
And I was like, he's like, you're not eating tonight. Oh, my God. He's like, I'm punishing you.
- [87:38]
Pao
You're not eating tonight. Tonight.
- [87:39]
C
Literally, like, starve. Literally. What the hell?
- [87:42]
Pao
And I was just like, what? Like, why? Like, I should be the one that after everything you've done, I should have said, dinner is off, not you, which I should have. Whatever.
- [87:52]
C
But he beat you to it.
- [87:53]
Pao
Beat me to it. And I'm like, what? Like, what happened? Why are you mad? No, I didn't say why. Are you mad? I'm like, why? And then he's like, I've had enough of your abuse. I was like, what? He's like, I've had enough of your abuse and being taken advantage of. And this is very one sided towards me and not fair at all. And I was like, okay, when I read that, dude, when I read that message, instantly I packed all my stuff up and I booked my, the first flight home. I literally. And I was packing my stuff kind of like very frantically because I was scared. Keep in mind, he booked this hotel room so he has access to be able to come in whenever he wants. So I was very scared of about that. I start panicking. Frank frantically packing my stuff. I hadn't even called my or no, I had called my Uber before I even packed my stuff. So I was waiting on my Uber while I was like putting all my stuff away. And yeah, so I had bought the first flight. And this is another lesson. Never like go out without having your own means. Yeah, thank God. Like I, you know, I have my own money. And that's why I was like, what do you mean I'm using you here? Like, what are you talking about? Because I can provide this for myself as well. Like, you're not doing anything new for me here. This is crazy for you to taking.
- [89:07]
C
This trip with my girls. Yeah, literally.
- [89:09]
Pao
And like, like, you follow me too. You've seen like, you know, I, I like to travel. I post about it. You've seen that. So what do you mean I'm using you for me? It's like, I never saw it as like, oh, I'm using him. Like, for me, it's like I thought that he also could acknowledge that like my time is valuable just like anybody else's time. And I'm here spending my time with you, you know, like, I could be doing whatever else and I'm here with you. But yeah, I was just like very shocked that he saw things in that way and I was scared. So girl, I packed all my stuff and I'm like, I'm out the door. And that's why it's important. Always have your own means. Like don't go out with a man and not be able to make your way home on your own. Yeah, like, imagine if I would have not like had the money to book.
- [89:54]
C
My own flight or even another room.
- [89:58]
Pao
Exactly. That would have been you. And you never know how that's gonna end up.
- [90:02]
C
Did you text him like, hey, I'm leaving or what was that?
- [90:05]
Pao
I was scared. Like, genuinely I was I was scared, I was freaking out. So I didn't text him until I was actually already on my flight. I was like, I'm not even gonna wait until I get to the airport. I'm waiting until I'm already on the flight, cuz I don't want to.
- [90:18]
C
I ain't giving you a chance, boy. Yeah, yeah.
- [90:20]
Pao
Literally.
- [90:20]
C
Then he would have pulled up to the airport.
- [90:23]
Pao
Imagine like you never know. So I texted him once I'm on the flight, I'm like, oh. Cuz he had also told me, he had said like, I'm done being taken advantage of, blah, blah, blah, I'm dinner is off. But I did say that I was taking to you to the airport tomorrow, so I'll, I'll take you still. Cuz he's like, oh, I'm a man of my word. Or whatever.
- [90:44]
C
Yeah.
- [90:45]
Pao
And I'm like, actually I already made my way, so it's fine. That's what I told him. And I didn't want, want like I. If I can avoid a confrontation, I will. So after that, you know, I told him that I blocked him on everything and that was that. I didn't have the time of day to like confront him and be like, why would you.
- [91:01]
C
Like, we're not gonna fight about the situation. What's done is done.
- [91:04]
Pao
Yeah. Like you, you see things in that way. Clearly I'm not here to change your mind. So it is what it is. Like, bye. And that was the worst dating experience that I've had. It was just like scary. And I know that I put myself, I know that, that you know, I shouldn't have put myself in that situation.
- [91:19]
C
But I think that's what comes with dating. Sometimes there'll be good dates, sometimes there'll be bad dates, you'll never know until you actually have them. And knowing how to react, you know, he follows you on Instagram, you know, you do social media. Media. Does being such a public figure like make it hard for you to date? Do you straight up tell the guys, like, hey, you know, I do YouTube, I do social media. When it comes to dating, honestly, it's.
- [91:53]
Pao
A little bit of a weird thing. It's like, it's very situational. For example, I'll try my best not to share that. Like when I was so when I was actually on a dating app, I was trying my best not to talk about what I did because then I feel like, like it's. You just feel so vulnerable. Yeah, I, I feel so vulnerable. Like now you're gonna go, you're gonna Watch my videos. You're gonna form an opinion. And without even actually getting to know me, like, person to person. So I would try to avoid sharing it, but then there's like, been people that I've met through, like, let's say, like mutual friends and stuff. And like, obviously they know and they figure it out right away. And it's just a. It's an interesting thing. It's. I think that is one of the weirdest things about doing social media now that I'm single is it's kind of. It's. It's like up in the air. I'm like. I feel weird about telling people sometimes.
- [92:43]
C
But then I eventually have to.
- [92:46]
Pao
I have to. And it's a whole. It's.
- [92:49]
C
It's tough about not ignoring the red flags. A lot of people, like you said, will be like, I don't like this, but it. I'll give them another try. What are red flags? That now that you're dating, you're like, you know what? Not just me, but you girlies at home. Home should not ignore. And as soon as you see that red flag, you're like, I'm done.
- [93:10]
Pao
Okay, there's. There's a lot of little ones, but I'll say, like, some. One of the. One of the ones that I first see when I'm seeing if I should even get to know somebody, their Instagram following, it says a lot about them. Yeah, it does. If you follow nothing but women or you follow like, onlyfans models, you follow, like, naked women in I want nothing to do with you because in my eyes, you don't have sexual discipline. And I don't want to be around that. Like, that's a man that's never going to give me the life that I want. Like, they're never gonna respect me. They're never gonna. They're always gonna be looking for something else. And I think that, that in general, like, just porn and. And all of that in general is very, very detrimental to people's brains and. And everything. So that's a huge thing for me that I look out for as like one of the first little retro flags or big red flags. I guess another thing is a wandering eye. Like, if we're in the barely beginning and I already catch you, like, looking at someone with me and it. Yeah. And it's not like I'm like, actively like, oh, is he looking at this girl? But you'd be surprised how some guys are, like, you really would be surprised.
- [94:22]
C
How disrespectful they can be.
- [94:24]
Pao
Yeah, they'll literally be like, yeah, that's a huge one. Another red flag. I think another one is when the guy thinks he's the the prize. Like he genuinely sees himself as the prize or he just makes little remarks about like oh, like just, you know, the little remarks that guys can make like oh, you should be like glad to be out with me type stuff. Like nobody, nobody have told me that. But like what would you do if.
- [94:48]
C
They tell you that?
- [94:49]
Pao
I wouldn't be. My jaw would drop. I would be shocked.
- [94:52]
C
I wouldn't even go out with him. Some men feel like they're like a whole ass trophy. But I'm like, babe, you're participation medal. Your healing journey and you know, your dating experiences about the big elephant in the room. A video with a guy and you blurred out his face and everyone went crazy. People were like, pal, is this your new man show? Why did you blur out his face? Quenta nostal is a cheeseman.
- [95:27]
Pao
Oh my gosh. Well, honestly, I feel like I can't say too much about this, but I will say I. I realized that day that people are really cheese mo.
- [95:41]
C
I'm like me as me asking it. Everybody though was going crazy. I saw like so many like Tik Tok pages reposting about it.
- [95:49]
Pao
Yeah. And they quickly like found him and it was this whole thing. But you know what, I don't want to talk about it too much. I did blur out his face though, because I knew that that was gonna happen. But I feel like I made it worse by blurring out his face because.
- [96:03]
C
Then people were like, I'm a detective, I'll find the guy.
- [96:05]
Pao
Exactly.
- [96:06]
C
Did they find out?
- [96:07]
Pao
Yeah, kind of.
- [96:12]
C
No. I. I genuinely though like I'm a chismoso. Right. But like I wait for the chisme to find me. Like I like when I see things. Cuz I did see but I never. That chisme never found me. I never saw people like exposing it.
- [96:24]
Pao
You didn't find it? Didn't find you. That's good.
- [96:26]
C
Then they'll probably find me after today. I'm like, I'll literally go home. Cuz I. Do you ever notice that on Tik Tok?
- [96:31]
Pao
Yeah.
- [96:31]
C
Like I feel like they hear all conversations. Like I feel like I'mma go home and I'm going get all that cheese bread today. I'm like, I'm like, that's crazy. Is it someone like you're getting to know or like what?
- [96:44]
Pao
Cuz it's not going to kind of a little bit along those lines I.
- [96:47]
C
Would say Was it, like, hard for you or was it scary? You know, you saw the people's reaction. Was it something that you're like, oh, I don't know if I should post it. What was that like? In the moment of post, I honestly.
- [96:58]
Pao
Didn'T really think it through. Maybe I should have thought about it a little bit more. But yeah, because for me, like, I am at a point where I do want, like, more personal, Personal things to be a little bit more private. Yeah, I know it doesn't seem like it, though, obviously, by, like, what I've been doing, but I do kind of. I'm like, maybe I shouldn't post that, but it's not a big deal. Like, it's not, you know, it's. It's just. It was just a trend. It's just a trend.
- [97:29]
C
About your healing process. Nos cuentas about you dating now. Now, what piece of advice can you give to anyone watching today that are probably going through a very crazy breakup? There's no light at the end of the tunnel.
- [97:42]
Pao
I would say just know that no matter what you're going through, I genuinely think no matter what you're going through in life, whether it's with a breakup or any other hardship that you're going through, you can get through it. You can and you will get through it. And these moments build you into a different person. Person. They literally create you. Like, the pain that you go through creates you. So instead of seeing it as a burden, seeing. See it as something good, as something that's going to build you up to another version of yourself, a better version of yourself. And yeah, take it. Take things as they are, you know, do what you need to do, get your healing in however you can, and try to really see things positively rather than negatively. And I'm telling you, as someone who has been through a lot of just like, random hard events in their life, you will always get through it. You will always get through it. Like, that's literally the only option there is.
- [98:38]
C
And I think it's very important, like, if you were to ask me for advice, I think it's very important to, like you said, allow yourself to feel what you gotta feel. Obia mente. You know, it's almost like mourning. When you go through a breakup, especially of so many years, it's almost like you're mourning it. So it's very important, you know, heal the right way. I do believe, you know, you got to give yourself that time and the grace to feel what you gotta feel. You know what I mean? Like, don't just be like, well, I'm sad forever. No, you have going on in your life. There's so many people, and it's so beautiful. And I feel like we sometimes get blinded by whatever situation we have going on, even if it's not relationship stuff. I'm always like, oh, my God, my life is horrible because of whatever situation I'm going through. And then I'm like, wait, as a whole, your life isn't that bad. And I feel like that happens a lot Amigas. But, you know, like me and Pal have been saying, you're gonna get the through it at the beginning. You know, my best self, which I love. Quenta nos de. So how did you come up with the name and what inspired you to create this project?
- [100:03]
Pao
I did mention earlier how I really wanted to have a platform and I wanted to be able to, you know, share my thoughts with people. And it's funny because. So I've been on social media for a long time already. It's been like, what, maybe like eight years? And I had recently, like, I would say like a year ago, I got to a point where I didn't feel fully fulfilled anymore. I felt like I was going through these motions and I was getting all these really cool opportunities. I was doing all these cool things. I was going to events, going to movie premieres, doing all this stuff. But I still felt like there was something missing.
- [100:38]
C
Like you had a purpose, a bigger purpose.
- [100:40]
Pao
A bigger purpose, purpose. And that's when I started to. Well, actually, it's crazy because it came to me kind of in a dream. When I woke up one day, one night from a dream that I had, the first thoughts that popped in my head. I don't remember exactly word for word, but it was along the lines of, you are not doing what you were meant to do with your platform. And it was that. And I was like, oh, wow.
- [101:01]
C
Oh, that's hard. It was up to that. Yeah.
- [101:03]
Pao
Yeah. Like, this is. And it. It made perfect sense because I didn't feel like I was. I felt like, you know, I. Although I was trying to, you know, sprinkle in a little bit of positivity into my content, and I was talking about self love and stuff like that, I still felt like I needed to take it up a notch and felt like it was really important for me to do and really important for me to share what I've learned in my own journey, healing through different trauma dramas. And that's when I was like, all right, I need to actually do something bigger. And so for a Long time. For over six months, I contemplated my podcast. It took so long for me to actually start it. So long. And I finally did it. And I really, truly wanted it to be because I've, you know, I've suffered from a lot of. I've suffered a lot from, you know, things like depression and other mental health, illness, illnesses. And so to be able to go through that and to get out of it, it took a lot for me. But I wanted to be able to share my journey and share, just to be able to inspire people, like, that was my biggest thing. I want to inspire people. I want to do as much as I can. I want to plant that seed inside of people because I understand what it feels like. I know what it feels like, trust me, to know that your world is crumbling down, to genuinely feel like you don't really want to be here. I know that feeling way too well. And so I wanted to bring that light and that hope as much as I could. And I knew that people already really enjoy my content. They enjoy me as a person. So to hear this message from me, I was like, okay, I think that the people that really enjoy my videos, hearing this from me is going to be meaningful for them.
- [102:50]
C
Yeah.
- [102:51]
Pao
And that was my biggest thing. And I just really do want to help people become the best version of themselves in every single way. And that makes me feel amazing. It gives me purpose. And yeah, that was. That was that with my podcast.
- [103:05]
C
How did you come up with the name? Was that, like a no brainer? Did you sit on it and be like, is this the right name? Or like, instantly as you came up with it, you're like, no, this is the one.
- [103:14]
Pao
Honestly, I thought about it for a while. There was, like, a few different variations of things that I wanted to, like, create. Like, for example, one of them was like, improve Me Podcast. Podcast. But then I was like, that's good. But it doesn't have, like, what I really want.
- [103:28]
C
Like, it doesn't resonate with what the purpose you're trying to.
- [103:30]
Pao
The full purpose. Right. And then I guess I got to the point where I was like, just seeing life, as in, like, how would my best self react to things? How would my highest self react to things? So I thought maybe my highest self could be good. But then I was like, I'm not sure. Or maybe that one was taken or something. I don't remember, honestly. But. But my best self, it ended up being perfect because I was like, okay, this is everything that I want to share encapsulated into three simple words. And it's perfect.
- [104:01]
C
I love the name because I feel like, you know, as a viewer you can be like, oh, this she's sharing her best self. But it also, as a viewer, you're like, you know what? I want to be my best self. And I feel like you talk about so many topics. So we've talked about healing here today, we've talked about breakups, but that's not just all you talk about. I feel like your podcast has a little bit of everything and a little bit for everyone. Is there things that are off limits for your podcast or are you like more of an open book and you're like, you know what? If this is important to me, I'mma talk about it because it can be important to someone watching.
- [104:35]
Pao
Yeah, I don't think there's necessarily anything that I'm like, oh, this is off limits for me. It's whatever topics, topic can, that can correlate to being your best self in any way. Whether that's spiritually, whether that's mentally, physically, financially, even anything that correlates to being a better you and a better version of yourself. That is really what I wanted to be about. So I feel like I don't talk about maybe just random, like random topics that don't correlate to that. But I, I do try to stay within the ME means of self improvement and bettering yourself in any type of way.
- [105:15]
C
And I feel like, like I've mentioned earlier, I feel like anyone can consume that podcast. Why? Because Mira Miami, I brought up the whole topic about, you know, how women have more power than they think. Oh yeah. That does not apply to me because I'm not a woman. But me as a viewer, I'm like, wow, I didn't see that perspective, like, and I know if that was a very mind opening or eye opening, like, like, you know, video. I know that for women that do feel like they can relate, that is literally mindblowing to like understand and really grasp. So I'm really happy that you're doing the damn thing and really putting on your girlies and just your viewers links down below. Whether that's professionally emotional and personally. What are your, what are your goals for the next five years?
- [106:07]
Pao
My goals for the next five years? I definitely want to create something from my platform, something more than what I have now. Yeah, I want to build a business. I've always wanted to. I just don't know exactly what I want to do. That's where, that's where my issue is. But I think by the next five years I know I definitely will already be doing it and hope hopefully it will already be very successful. That's something I really want to focus on as well as in five years. You know, maybe I see myself like in a serious relationship at that time. I don't know. I can't time relationship wise. Right. But definitely that definitely, you know, investing in more properties and just continuing to grow, that's my biggest thing. I think I want to continue to learn new things, things every single day. Yeah, those are my, my goals for now.
- [106:58]
C
If you continue doing what you're doing now, I know you're gonna accomplish all those goals and more. And I'm so excited to stick around to see you accomplishing them. I want to say thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to sit down here with us and just know a little bit more about your story.
- [107:18]
Pao
Thank you so much. Thank you Alan for having me. It's a pleasure always. I'm like, please invite me back.
- [107:34]
C
We're gonna manifest that for her if you guys want to go ahead. Not if you guys wanna go ahead and follow PAL on our social medias, which I'll leave down below and as well as on the screen to follow me on all of my social medias so you guys won't miss any future episodes. And with that being said, thank you once again.
- [107:55]
Pao
Thank you so much and thank you.
- [107:57]
C
Guys so much for watching and we'll see you guys in the next one. Bye guys.
- [108:07]
Aura
This podcast is brought to you by Aura A complete online safety toolkit this past summer, national public data reported a breach potentially affecting every American American. Over 2.9 billion records used for background checks were stolen. If safeguarding personal information wasn't a priority before this incident should serve as a critical wake up call. You're more vulnerable than ever in today's digital landscape. That's why we're thrilled to partner with Aura. Aura monitors the dark web for users phone numbers, emails and Social Security numbers, delivering real time alerts if any suspicious activity is detected protected. Additionally, Aura provides up to 5 million in identity theft insurance, offering a robust safety net in the event of a worst case scenario. Aura is a complete online safety toolkit which includes a variety of other features to keep you safe online, including a VPN for secure browsing data broker opt out to stop companies from selling your personal information and a password manager to help you create and store strong passwords for a limited time. Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online, all for free. When you visit aura.comdefense that's aura.com defence to sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's a u r a.com defense. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details.