← Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Salice Rose: Troubled Childhood, Coming Out, Toxic Relationships, Mental Health, CHISME & MORE!
01:58:08
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- [00:02]
A
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- [00:42]
B
I was like, I'm so sorry to, like, thank my supporters that I, like, I'm letting down. Don't do this. Like, don't, don't. Don't do what I'm about to do. I just, I, like, I lost my batt.
- [01:10]
A
What is up, everyone? I'm your host, Alanized, and this is Noche de Pendejadas, your favorite podcast turn talk show and on the YoTrego ATUS influencers. So without any further ado, please help me welcome my guest tonight. Celis Rola Salah. Salah, how are you?
- [01:39]
B
I'm good.
- [01:40]
A
How are you? I am so happy that we're finally making this happen. Like, years later, we're getting applause for Celis Amigas. I am so excited that we're finally making this happen, baby.
- [01:54]
B
Yes, me too, dude. I've been wanting to be on this podcast for, like, literally so long and like, we try to schedule it and then it wouldn't work. Then it would work, then it would wouldn't work. And I'm like, alan, we need to do this. And I'm so happy to be here. Before we start, I just want to say thank you as well for having me and I just appreciate you and your time. Thank you so much. And I'm excited to talk to you guys and, you know, talk our.
- [02:15]
A
Spill some tea, babylos. But like, two years ago I was on Celis's podcast and had so much fun tag, like trying to get her on the podcast. But I'm so excited that it finally happened. But I feel like I was telling you guys all off camera. For maybe those at home,
- [02:51]
B
okay? AKA Salsa Rosa. And well, I have been a social media, I guess you want to say influencer, whatever you want to call me, right? The og. You can just call me that, right? I have been on social media for 12 going on 13 years actually. And if you ask what do I do? It's more of like, what do I Not do, like, one thing. I always say, and I think we talked about this on, like, my podcast. I don't like to box myself in. I want to be, you know, this, this, that, the third. So I do, like, comedy skits. I talk about, like, the Latinos. I do motivational videos. Sometimes I do my makeup. Sometimes I throw that ass back. You know what I'm saying? Like, I do, like, a little bit of everything. I do music. I'm literally all over the place. But what I'm doing, mostly known for, is a motivational content and because a bitch is kind of funny. So I kind of make people laugh sometimes, you know, here and there, you know, we have to laugh about our trauma. I've been doing it for 12, almost 13 years, and I don't plan on going anywhere. And, yeah, that's. That's a little bit of who I. Oh, also, soy Peruana ya minsoy gringa. Mi va mas la peruana carajo. Mi va Peru, carajo. And mi papa es el gringo. And I'm 31 years old. I'm a scorpio. And if you read my birth chart, to all my people who know how to do that, I'm like a triple fucking Scorpio. So that kind of explains a lot of, like, the crazy and, like, the. The chaos. But, you know, it's. I'm a lot to handle, but I'm also a lot to lose. But. And that's it. That's it.
- [04:10]
A
And I feel like that's why a lot of people gravitate towards you, because if they like the comedy, I puerto. If they want to be motivated. I was actually telling your team that I've been following you for so long, just having a high school. Amigas. I was in high school. We're about the same age. You're 31. I just turned 28. Okay, you're a little bit older than
- [04:31]
B
me, but I remember being in high
- [04:33]
A
school when you were, like, popping off. This was, like, before I was on social media. So I was telling. I was like, the fact that the tenguaqui is, like, a dream come true. Y puez joy estar a qui hue puer cono certe un poquito mas. Before we get to the cheeseman, what has your week been like? I know you've been, like, back to. Back to back working
- [04:52]
B
and what your
- [04:52]
A
day was like today, preparing for today.
- [04:54]
B
So, I mean, my day preparing for today was just fucking glam. But my entire week, I've been doing a bunch of podcast appearances. I told myself this Year, I was going to start saying yes to the things that I normally say no to, because we always talk about, like, oh, that's like, growth, growth, growth. But, like, I always say no to the things that, like, would help me grow. You know what I mean? So, anyway, all week, I've been doing podcast appearances on and off, on and off, on and off. And this one is my last one for the week. Tomorrow I actually have. By the grace of God, hopefully I win. I have an award show to attend to at Snapchat because I got nominated for one of the top six comedy creators. Yeah, told y' all that bitch was kind of funny. And I'm hoping that I win. And then after that, I get to go home finally and relax with my dogs and stuff. But I've just been on go mode this entire time while struggling with, like, mental health and stuff. So that's always, like, really, really hard trying to, like, stay afloat with, like, work stuff and dealing with this and everything else. But, you know, I'm just happy that, like, I committed to this and, like, I'm here, I made it happen. And, yeah, that's.
- [05:48]
A
And you're doing the damn thing, girly. We won't stop using it. And I feel like to really know a person, you really have to start from the beginning. How was Celis growing up? Where did you grow up in?
- [06:19]
B
Not much has changed. I still have the same personality from when I was a little girl. Still have the same mouth, the same attitude, the same drive, the same goals, everything. I can't believe I'm gonna say this on camera right now. I've never said this, but I grew up in Palmdale, California. I always get so many comments on my social media being like, Celis, like,
- [06:34]
A
are you really from. From the av?
- [06:35]
B
You really from the east side? And I'm like, ignore. But I really am born and raised out there in my childhood, from what I can remember. It was good. It was fun, it was nice. Obviously, a lot of traumatic things happened to me, but not to get all deep super quick, but they say, like, it was really traumatic when you don't really remember your childhood trauma block, right?
- [06:55]
A
You're, like, a lot of it.
- [06:56]
B
A lot of it. Like, my mentality is like a goldfish. I'm like, bitch, what the fudge happened? I did what? Where? Wait, what? So I don't really remember too much of it, but I do remember being surrounded by, like, a lot of supportive family members for the most part, and people who believed in me, which was good. Although I'm older, not much has changed. I literally still have the same personality, the same everything. And I would say that's really it about my childhood. Yeah. Most of my trauma happened once I turned 18. Most of the real trauma, but, yeah.
- [07:22]
A
How would you describe the environment you grew up in? Like, si, nos puedes dar comune. Yeah, Una photo de tu casa de tu gar.
- [07:29]
B
You're making me think now, like, where the fuck was the couch jam? Trying to think, like, what the fuck? Before I answer that, I want to say, like, we grew up with nothing. Born in, raised on the east side, and I was there for, like, almost 14 years. So even though now looking back on it, like, my mom was struggling, I never felt that struggle. Because, I mean, single moms, whether you're a single mom or not, like, they always make that happen. So even though looking back on it, I'm like, oh, my God. Like, we were really struggling. We were buying our groceries from where we were getting our bread from where we were eating. What I always remember a mom making us feel like we literally had everything.
- [08:03]
A
They make it look so easy.
- [08:05]
B
They make it look so easy where I'm like, oh, okay. Like, I get whatever I want. Like, this is cool. Looking back on, I'm like, mom, like, what the fuck? Like, you're really a fucking warrior. But other than that, I would say, again, what I can remember, I just have no complaints. I just remember it being, like, a very, very warm environment alongside from, like, other little traumas here and there. But I'm just really grateful to have the parents that I have right now. But I also grew up with my mom mostly, so I grew up being like, single mom. I gotta make it happen for myself. I gotta be my own boss. I don't want to depend on nobody for this, this, this, that third. And that's why, like, I'm very much, like, alpha. Like, you look at me and it's just like. Like, you see a woman, right? And there's nothing wrong with being submissive. We love subm. But, like, you look at me and it's like, nothing about me screams submissive. I'm very much like, I gotta get. Get that shit done. I'm a hustler. I gotta make it happen no matter how the. I feel like your feelings remember the goals, remember the plan. And I give that credit to my mom because she always made it happen when she had nothing in herself. You know what I mean?
- [08:59]
A
So, yeah, nos commentas un poquito. You know that growing up, you know, you were raised by a single mom. Con to papa, you know? Do you remember when you started asking, like, hey, you know what? Like, even though I'm so used to just having a. Then you realize, like, oh, you know what? Like, not everyone just has a mom. Most people have a mom and her dad. Do you remember that first moment of realization? How was his absence explained to you growing up? What was that relationship like, and how did it affect you growing up?
- [09:28]
B
It honestly affected me more as an adult. But growing up. Here's the thing. It's like, you know how a lot of people, they say, like, their parents divorce, like, really fucks them up, right? And they're like, oh, you know, like, it was really traumatic for me, but my parents got a divorce before I even turned one. I don't even know what the fuck was going on. I was still a fetus. I was like, who got a divorce? What happened? Where, Like, I just kind of grew up in two different households, you know? So it's really hard to miss something that you've never had. I've never seen my parents almost ever. Besides once in the same room, I've never seen my parents hug. I've never seen my parents, like, give affection, nothing. So I didn't really care because again, you can't miss something that you've never had. Now, maybe if they got a divorce and I was like 10 years old or some shit, then I'd be like, oh, like, that hurt. And this is a very, like, super sensitive topic for me because I don't really. I've been opening up about this topic specifically this week. The way my dad being like. Like, we have. We're on great terms now. You know what I mean? But I always felt like growing up, I had to, like, kind of chase him a little bit. Like, chase his validation. Like, hey, dad, Like, I love you. Like, do you see me? Like, hi, dad. Like, I miss you. We were always fighting my whole life. And while I feel that didn't affect me as a kid. Right. Maybe I'm lying to myself because I just got diagnosed almost two years ago with borderline personality disorder. You could look it up. But what that really means is just that, like, we feel our feelings so much and so heavy, and that all comes from, like, abandonment and things like that and feeling neglected. So while I didn't feel it in the moment as a child too much as an adult, like, I've really struggled with that. Yeah, I would say, like, kind of me up a little bit. You know, I'm dealing with it now. But you know what? It's okay, we here and we're gonna make it work regardless. But it's crazy that when you feel like you have to like chase a parent's validation like that kind of like you up as an adult and it gives you like a different attachment style. And you almost have to realize that you are worth it. Like, you are, you are.
- [11:14]
A
You're not the problem.
- [11:15]
B
Exactly. You're not the problem.
- [11:17]
A
It wasn't your like, the problem growing up, like with your dad.
- [11:20]
B
Yeah, man. Like, I mean, and this is no shade to my sister because she's that bitch. But like my. I only have one sister, right? That's the only sibling I have. She's an older sister. She was very much like the golden child. The firstborn. The one who never broke a single fucking rule. The one who never even got a. A minus bitch was an A plus student. The one who like, listen to everything, follow the rules. I'm gonna tell mom if you don't do this. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And I was born. Like, I came out like your restroom, the fucking Chucky. I came out and I was like, like, I'm here, let's party.
- [11:51]
A
Wanna play?
- [11:52]
B
You wanna play, bitch? Yeah, dude. And I didn't like, just try to be like fucking rebellious. But I think like, I just kinda had it in my blood, you know, I was like, I'm gonna break the rules. You told me to sit, I' ma stand. You told me to stand, I'm gonna sit. Like, I was getting kicked out of all my fucking schools. I was fighting in high school. Don't recommend. I was fighting in my high schools. I was getting in trouble. I was just like the trouble child and what kind of fucked me up a little bit. I would hearing from like a lot of different adults, like, why can't you be more like your sister? Like, why can't you just be more like her? Like she actually listens. She doesn't get in trouble. She doesn't give us attitude. I always got my ass whooped for that. Got my mouth washed out with fudgeing soap 24 7. Like if you know, you know. So that was always really hard when I was just trying to express myself and be who I was. But I felt like that was always kind of like pushed down for the most part because I wasn't like, yeah, hurt. I was like literally the fucking black sheep of the family, you know. So that kind of fudge me up a little bit. But it also gave me power as I got older because I was like, nah, bitch, I am different. I am fudgeing. Louder. I am. I am this. I do take up space. And, you know, my mouth sometimes does get me in trouble. But you know what? It also, like, gets me places.
- [12:53]
A
Come on.
- [12:54]
B
Yeah, like, my mouth, like, you know, because of the voice that I have, it got me places. So I learned to love the things that people tried to dim when I was young.
- [13:01]
A
Yeah. So how often would you see your dad growing up? You mentioned a little bit about, you know, chasing that validation. Did you have a moment growing up where you were like, you know what? If you don't want to be in my life, I'm done with you. Like, f you respectfully to your dad, you know, did you have a moment where you're like, you know what? I'm done trying to be seen by you.
- [13:19]
B
Yeah, actually. Well, okay. So to answer your question, like, growing up again, I don't really remember my childhood, so I don't know if I saw him every other. I don't remember. But I do know that it was not a lot. Plus, he was in the Navy, so he was always, like, deployed and shit, and he, like, lived hours away from us. But yeah, there was a specific moment. Like, again, dad, if you're watching this, love you. I'm so happy that we're in a good place right now. But this is my truth. Regardless, it was one specific time where, like, I would always catch myself texting first, like, hi, I love you, I miss you. Hi. Like, I love you. And there was one time, I was 15 or 16 years old, and I sent him a song. I think it's called Daddy's Little Girl, I want what some fucking song talks about like that. And I sent him the link to the song and I attach a text to it saying, this song reminds me of you, I miss and I love you. And he responded with laughing faces. And I was like, what the is funny?
- [14:08]
A
And it was like an emotional song.
- [14:10]
B
It was. So, yeah, it was just basically saying, like, the dad was just pretty much singing about, like, I love that you're my daughter type shit, you know? So I sent it and I was like, I love you so much. I miss you. And he responded, hahaha. And at that moment I was like, oh, cease. You might want to, like, back the up, because I don't think he's really catching your vibe. Like, I think at that moment I was like, all right, let me learn the art of detachment, which I did. So I kind of stopped chasing that validation. As I got older, I guess I never really stopped because I always Tried to make amends with my dad. Now, this is not. If you guys have toxic family members, do not be cool with them. Like, if you feel like you want to cut them off for good, keep them away, do that. But I didn't feel like my dad was, like, super fucking toxic or anything, so I ended up reaching out to him, like, a year ago to fix things. And we're the best we've ever been, so I'm really happy where we're at now. But it was fucking rough. I mean, I have borderline personality disorder. Like, you know how I felt, like, neglected and shit. And I'm not just putting all the blame on him because I know that I felt other things on my mom's side of the family and always feeling like I wasn't good enough and shit. But other than that, we're here and we're queer, and, you know, it is what it is. It happens.
- [15:11]
A
Did you ever have moments growing up? Because I feel like it's really easy. Especially, you know, when parents divorce and, you know, the kid is usually more with a particular parent. For you, it was your mom, you know, did you ever have moments where you resented your mom or you were like, oh, my God, like, because you and dad couldn't work things out, like, I don't have a dad in my life. Like, you're the problem. Like, maybe if you would have worked things out with my dad, like, we could have been a perfect family. Did you ever resent your mom growing up?
- [15:39]
B
Honestly? Very short answer, no. Because one thing that I always did know growing up, I don't know how, like, I was, like, so young and, like, naive, and I always knew that two happy households is better than one miserable one. It's crazy. Even as a child, I even knew, like, this. But I was like, why the am I gonna resent the woman that does everything for us? Because it didn't work out with. With her, with her ex husband, with her baby daddy. Like, who the am I to tell someone, like, I'm mad that you didn't make it work. Now if someone cheated on each other or some, then I'd be like, all right, I kind of resent you a little bit. Like, you kind of broke the family, but that never happened. Like, they just didn't work because they just didn't see eye to eye. So I never resented her. I was just more of like, you made your decision, you know, why you wanted to leave. And I kind of respect that because that also taught me that if you're in a relationship that you are not happy in. It's a toxic relationship, and you feel like you could do better. She also taught me the art of walking away. Like, hey, you can go ahead and do better. And she got remarried, and then she left him too. But that's neither here nor there. But she was like. She taught me, like, hey, if you're happy, stay. If you're not happy, you can start over. Because, you know, back then, getting a divorce was like, oh, my God, unheard of.
- [16:43]
A
Like, it was bad. Especially when you have a kid. Yeah.
- [16:45]
B
Yes. Like my grandma said, eso, dude. Yeah, for real. So I'm also happy that I did see that. But again, if you guys are, like, in a happy household and you guys have parents who are still together, that is such a beautiful thing. You are blessed for that. But I'm also blessed to have a mom that showed me that it's okay to walk away if you're not fulfilled and happy. And you are allowed to start over as many times as you want. You know what I mean?
- [17:04]
A
Period. You know, going back to the. Growing up with. With the single mom, like we said and mentioned, you know, I feel like single moms. Una plaos. Single moms watching us right now.
- [17:14]
B
Or single daddies, too. Single dad.
- [17:16]
A
You guys really do make it look so easy that. That is not the truth, you know, you have to literally go through hell and back to really raise your kids, you know? No s cuenas that your mom growing up did a great job with, like, making it look so easy as you started getting older, you know, maybe going into your teen years, did you ever have a moment where you were like, you know what? Like, I think my mom is struggling. Or, like, you know what? Overheard her saying that she's barely gonna have enough for rent. Like, did you ever have a moment where it clicked? Like, you know what? Like, it isn't as easy as my mom is making it to look.
- [17:47]
B
Fucking Alan and his great questions. This is why I love his podcast. Like, you think of questions that, like, you know. Anyway, actually, here's the thing. My mom made shit look easy. I always knew that she was struggling because I always heard her cry, like, at random about bills or things like that. What the fuck was I supposed to do? I was, like, six. Oh, my God. You know what's one thing I. I always did as a kid, and this means. Means so much to me, bro, Because I always knew as a kid that I was gonna be a hustler in my dumbass. I would try to, like, you know, like, the hangers that we used to hang up our in the closet. I would get them and I would draw, like, little hearts on it. And I'd be like, okay, I'm gonna try to sell these hangers to, like, my family members or, like, my mom's friends. And here's why you should buy this hanger because it's different. Or I would try to customize. Yeah.
- [18:29]
A
Like, now those hangers would cost a lot here. So whoever did support her at the time.
- [18:36]
B
Exactly, dude.
- [18:37]
A
Exactly.
- [18:38]
B
Or, like, I would get, like, our Tupperware, would, like, put, like, sparkly nail polish on it or try to do it and try to sell it. I would do my all of. Almost all of my family members pedicure. I learned how to do nails just so I can make money. Oh, pedicures are only a dollar. I even had my own little step stool there where, like, I had all my prices written down. Like, literally. I started doing that at the age of five. And on my little note on my bench, it said, after all my prices. On the bottom it said, to help pay pay mommy's bills and any little amount of change I made $5 in a month. I was like, here you go. And in my head, like, I knew that was nothing, but I also knew that, like, at least I was trying. Yeah, I'm just kind of getting all deep now. Right? I love you. So I would. My mom still has every letter. I would always write my mom letters from the age of, like, I don't know what up until I actually made it. I would always write her letters.
- [19:34]
A
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- [21:13]
B
Good sleep is everything. That's why Olli's science Bag support is made with a blend of melatonin and L theanine for both kiddos and grown. So when your mind won't switch off, you've got something that can help your racing thoughts and restless nights won't stand a chance. Find Ollie Sleep Solutions for the whole family@ollie.com that's o l l y.com hi mom, I love you. Have a good day. P S I'm gonna take care of you one day. I don't know how but I'm gonna do it. And I wrote her so many letters on letters on letters on letters and I dedicated my life to, to to be a hustler, to be a boss, to do whatever the I needed to do to make some money that by the grace of God like I am able now to like she still has a job, right? But she wants to work. I can't get her to retire.
- [21:59]
A
There is some people get away with it'll give themselves busy too. I think that's what it is because they're meant to have this like
- [22:09]
B
that part. So I can't get her to retire. She never will. But what I'm saying is now is like I can help her with like her mortgage and things like that and I bought my mom a fucking car like things like that where I'm just like, I'm not even shocked because I told her I was going to do this. I'm not surprised. But I warned you. So whether you believe me or not, what she did, it's so amazing for me to like be able to blink my eyes and be like I'm taking care of my mom by the grace of God like I have a lot of family members that are on my team. Besides, like, having the drive that I have now, I couldn't have done it without my supporters. So whether you're watching, you know exactly who I am or you have no idea who the fuck I am, just want to give you guys a quick thank you, because you can be the most talented motherfucker on earth, but if you don't have a group of people that support you and put you on going to work. So thank you guys for believing in the vision almost 13 years later and growing the empire. So I don't say this often, but I'm. I'm proud of myself.
- [22:56]
A
Yeah, you should be. You've done a lot. And I feel like, you know, you've been able to create an empire over those past 13 years that you've been on social media. Quenta knows, you know, the momento that you felt like, you know what? Like, I'm finally making these letters come true. Did you have, like, a moment where, like, wow, you know what? Like, I used to write my mom letters, and now I'm actually making it happen for her. I'm helping her out. I'm taking care of her. Her. How did that feel for you to like, really make that dream come true for yourself and for your family?
- [23:25]
B
It felt good. Obviously, if I'm being honest, there wasn't a specific moment, because it's kind of like how you said it wasn't like an overnight fame thing where, like, people blow up and then that's it. I had to work for this shit. You know what I mean? So it definitely wasn't an overnight thing. It's just more of, like, it happened as time went on. Weeks, months, years went by. There was no specific moment. But I do know. And I always knew this growing up. Up. I always knew this growing up. This is just random. But I always knew that I never wanted kids. I maybe want to get married, but I know that I don't want kids right, Whatsoever. But I always knew at a young age, up until now, that I just want to take care of, like, my family members, not just my mom, not just, like, you know, my dad and like that, but, like, I want to take care of, like, my sister, my sister's wife, their kid, if they have more kids, like my cousins, eventually. I want to, like, literally give everybody a job in my family because, like, I want. Want to do that. I know that I want to be the provider. I want to be the rich auntie, but, like, I don't want my own kids. Because I want to be able to, like, babysit, like, give your kids back to you.
- [24:19]
A
Yeah, me, Me. She's me. Me. As. I'm like,
- [24:26]
B
you know what I mean? But, like, a lot of people, they're born knowing, like, oh, I'm going to be a mom.
- [24:31]
A
That's my purpose.
- [24:32]
B
And I love.
- [24:33]
A
So be it.
- [24:38]
B
But, like, we need the mothers out there, the. The daddies out there, whatever you identify, like, we need you guys out here, but we also know that we don't want kids. Hey, I have a question for you. I don't know if I'm allowed to ask questions on your podcast. I want to know. You said that you don't want kids, right? I don't know if you talk about that a lot on social media, but I want to get your perspective. Do people. On social media or in your personal life or, like, in, you know, word of mouth. I ran. And people always say, but why? Like, maybe you haven't met the right person. Or maybe you're just like, what do you think about them? You know what it is?
- [25:05]
A
We get that a lot because me and my boyfriend actually turned 10 years. Years next month. Well, actually, congratulations. So I feel like we can't have them, like, naturally.
- [25:13]
B
Okay.
- [25:14]
A
You know what I mean? So I feel like for me, I've always been like,
- [25:26]
B
I do, but I do.
- [25:27]
A
I feel like it comes with a lot of pressure, but I feel like for you as a women, it must
- [25:30]
B
come with even more, you know, the type of comments I've gotten on my social media when I'm like, on live or whatever the fuck, and I'm talking about, like, oh, like, I don't. Because people ask me every fucking time I go live, like, do you want. And I never get annoyed by it because there's always new people watching, right? Dude, the comments I get sometimes, I mean, most of the people are supportive, but some of the bad comments are like, what a waste of a woman. I also hear people being like, well, I really hope you change your mind, because if you don't, like, that's honestly a shame.
- [25:56]
A
Or, like, that's what you got put on this earth for.
- [25:59]
B
Like, if that's what you think my purpose is, like, you have bigger fucking fish to fry. Cry, like. And while that's other people's purpose. And, like, how come women don't get shamed for having kids? How can people congratulate women for having kids? Which, as they should, but why don't I can get my congratulations or be like, hey, you know that you don't want kids. Congrats. It's always like, Oh, I love you bringing that up. When you try to talk about, like, that, people are like, well, you're not a mom. You don't understand. You are a mom, and your kids don't talk to you.
- [26:27]
A
Yeah.
- [26:27]
B
So, like, you think you're better. You think you have better opinions. I was raised by a good mom. I was raised by a single mom. I don't have to be a mom to know what it's like. What the. Yeah, what the is like? I hate that. So some people's purpose is to have a kid, which is beautiful. I love that. I know my purpose is not. Why would I know that and go out of my way to still do something just because society is pressuring me just to make sure I'm acceptable and digestible and is everybody proud of me? I care more about how my life is feels to me versus how the fuck it looks like to you. Are you living your life to, like, make me happy? No. So, bitch, I'm not doing that for you.
- [27:02]
A
Yeah, why the fuck am I going to do. And I feel like that is a great conversation because, you know, I feel like a lot of people do put a lot of that pressure. And I've always said it might sound a little harsh, not everyone deserves to be parents. And I feel like you genuinely have to be a healed person. You have to be ready, you have to prepare to be a parent. Because I think you know what it is, too. I feel like with the podcast, I. I've learned and I've heard so many stories, and I'm just like, damn. Like. Like, that's horrible.
- [27:31]
B
Like, horrible.
- [27:32]
A
How is that a parent? How is that a mom? How is that a dad if they're really doing this to you? You know what I mean? So I really do feel like,
- [27:48]
B
Who's going to take care of me when I'm old?
- [27:50]
A
Literally, that. You know what's so crazy? That's one of the things that I think about, because I have a lot of conversations with my friends. Maybe I don't have someone to look out for me, but that's why I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna try my best to be the best uncle, to be the best person ever. So there's always gonna be someone that
- [28:07]
B
wants to check in on me, and
- [28:09]
A
I don't have to have the kids, literally.
- [28:12]
B
I agree. Because it's like that quote that says, every child deserves a parent. Yes. Yeah. But not every parent deserves a child. And before you, Karen's husband. Like, I don't give a. What the. I do. What the. What the. I got. What the I don't got. Why do you think there's so many people that don't talk to their parents because they felt neglected, they needed more. And also, a lot of these parents are narcissistic. Well, you turn 18, you can call me, too. You can do this, too. You can do that. Like, it's almost like their feelings just shut the up.
- [28:44]
A
Yeah.
- [28:45]
B
And they will just be bitter for the rest of their life instead of looking inwards and being like, hold on. What did I do? I know how my kid maybe hurt me, but what did I do to push my daughter or my son or whatever you identify. What did I do to push them away? What did I. How did I fail? Is it. Oh, no, because their ego was too big, and they're like, I didn't fail you. I'm the parent. I'm older.
- [29:04]
A
I provided.
- [29:05]
B
Yeah.
- [29:05]
A
You should be grateful.
- [29:07]
B
Speaking of. Oh, I'm. You know, like, when you're growing up and they're like. Like, you have a roof over your head. Yeah. You're doing the legal thing. I'm sorry, what?
- [29:16]
A
The minimum, the bear, the bare minimum.
- [29:18]
B
Bare minimum. Well, I gave birth to you. And I know a lot of parents hate when we say this. I did not ask to be here. You chose to have me.
- [29:30]
A
Right.
- [29:31]
B
You had me. So don't sit here and try to throw in my face while I had you. You. I gave birth to you. Well, I feed you. I put a roof over. Well, you have to, or they're gonna
- [29:42]
A
take me or you're gonna be in jail.
- [29:48]
B
Exactly. And people grow up with parents like that, and then they wonder why they don't talk to their parents. Because everything was. Their love was never unconditional. It was very much conditional. Do this or that. Do this, because I did that for you. Like, how about you just leave me the entire. Alone. How about.
- [30:00]
A
Or the parents that really believe that, like, I'm doing all of this. Because when you grow up, you have.
- [30:08]
B
Y' all listen up, listen up.
- [30:16]
A
I get old.
- [30:26]
B
If your kids want to take care of you when you're old, old, older, whatever the. That's up to them. If they do, which a lot of people do.
- [30:33]
A
Yeah.
- [30:33]
B
That just shows that you did a damn good job at being a. Yeah. Because when you do a damn good job of being a parent, like, I would never want to leave my mom or my dad alone. Like, I'd be like, let me step the. What can I Do what I got you.
- [30:44]
A
Whatever it is. Yeah.
- [30:45]
B
Guest house, though. Not in here. But, like, also, if you respectfully, as dark as it sound, if you failed your job as a parent and your kids don't talk to you or take care of you, just try to take a look inwards. Because all everybody wants is something like a little bit accountability and to be seen and to be heard. Don't think just because you have a kid and you. And you breastfeed and you do all this that they're going to take care of you. Make sure, like, you also don't become your child's first bully. Make sure you become your child's first best friend. Where they feel safe at home, even if they don't feel safe anywhere else, because a lot of people want to fucking bully their kids. No, don't be that. No, don't be gay. No, don't be this. Ew. Ew. That's not what I. That's not. That's not who I am. Yeah, well, thank God they're not. You, like, love your child unconditionally or respectfully. Don't have them.
- [31:31]
A
And I agree 100%.
- [31:32]
B
You guys. Okay? Thank you.
- [31:39]
A
You know that conversation about, you know, you growing up with a single mom? What piece of advice can you give any single mom or dad watching this right now that might feel like, damn, the struggle's real. Like, I don't feel like I can make it. Like, it's getting hard, but I want to be the best and the most amazing people, a parent to my child. What piece of advice can you give any single mommy or daddy watching?
- [32:02]
B
Piece of advice is kind of hard to say on my end just because I'm not a parent.
- [32:07]
A
Yeah.
- [32:07]
B
So I wouldn't really know how to, like, advise them as a child of a single parent. You know what? As a child that has grown up, what I can say is, you are seen and you are loved. And while you think that your kids need this and the most expensive this and this, and maybe I should be doing more. Maybe I should put them in a private school. Maybe I could be doing this. Maybe I'm not doing. Doing good, you need to understand that all your kids really want is you. And they don't give a if it's pizza rolls on the plate or goddamn caviar. They want you. So just know that you are doing a damn good job whether you're a single parent or you're not a single parent. The less you start comparing yourself to other people and the more you start being proud of yourself, the more you're going to be like, you know what? I am a really good fudge mom or I am a really good dad. Just know you are so seen and you are so loved. And even if the other parent is trying to turn the kids against you, just give it time. Let time pass by. And when your kids grow up, they're going to be like, wait, the math is not just focus on being a good parent and you are doing a really, really good job. And we see you. That's all I can say.
- [33:11]
A
You know a little bit more about your child in growing up. And I've revealed that. Where do you think that started from? Where do you think that stem. Was it your environment? Maybe? You know, I don't want to, you know, because I also grew up. I, I, I want to say respectfully, I grew up in Santa Ana, so it's considered one of the most ghetto air cities in Orange County. And I've heard Palmdale, Palmdale is one
- [33:36]
B
of the top, like 13, right? Okay.
- [33:40]
A
It's a fact.
- [33:40]
B
Yeah. No, what the fuck? Don't be offended.
- [33:42]
A
That had to do with the from,
- [33:44]
B
we're proud of it. So we're not even offended. So you shouldn't be offended.
- [33:47]
A
Do you feel like that's where that stemmed from? Like your environment, what you saw growing up? And tell us a little bit more about that era of your life?
- [33:53]
B
No, because again, like, my mom found a way and I think my dad helped with this. I don't know. She always put us in private schools from kindergarten up until. Damn. I got stories about that up until, like, I got kicked out of every fucking possible private school and I ended up in a public school, which I did way better. I was like, oh, in a public school. I felt so seen because I was like, loud. I was this, I was at, In a private school. People were like, what's wrong with this? Like, she's like, I'm in a college or being like, yo, what the, you know? But I didn't feel like I was rebelled because of my environment. Because a lot of my cousins, a lot of my older friends or my sister, they're not like that. I just think it's all about, like, who you are as a person. Like, some people are born to be loud as other people are born to just be like, hey, like, like I'd, I'd rather not be on camera. But, like, I support you. Like, we need that kind of support too. Aside from that, I do feel like I kind of turned it up a notch when I was in high school, like, a lot, because that's a time in my life where I'm not gonna say who or, like, what family members, but they were all telling me, like, be more like your sister. Be more like her. Like, stop doing this. Stop wearing so much makeup. Stop. I got. I. You're like. You're just like a lost cause, like, growing up or congest. You're gonna be homeless one day. No one's gonna. And I hope you don't get tattoos, because if you get tattoos, no one's gonna fucking hire you. Well, thank God. I want to be self employed. And I just. No matter what, I was like, I'm gonna block out the noise. I'm gonna do what the fuck. I need to do what I want to do. And I believed in myself enough to get to where I am now. But, yeah, it wasn't my environment, honestly, whatsoever. Even though I grew up on the east side of fucking Palmdale, on the east side of Lancaster, it was not my environment whatsoever. I was just born to take up fucking space.
- [35:31]
A
I want to know the story time of one of your most memorable fights. What it was for, how did it go down? Or like, one of maybe like your favorite ones that you can't say or want to say.
- [35:43]
B
Quentanos. The most memorable one, I can't say because, you know, like, I can't. I just. I just can't. But. Okay. All right. There was two. You ready? Okay, so first one in preschool. Okay, preschool, I bit a finger. Oh, I don't want to call you a. She follows me. I love you. She knows who I am. Like, we're cool now, but like, I'm gonna get to the juicy when I swear it. But in preschool, I was sitting at a table. I was coloring my. There was a big ass basket full of crayons. There's only so many color crayons.
- [36:12]
A
Yeah.
- [36:13]
B
So if there's a thousand crayons in the basket, there's about 85,000 blues in there, right? Oh, that's one thing I remember from my child. I was coloring and then my best friend. Oh, I almost said her name. My best friend was sitting next to me, and we were friends, like, for like a year prior to that. She was like, I want that crayon. And I was like, like, oh, mine. Like, I had a blue one. She was like, yeah, I want that one. And I was like, okay, there's a whole basket full of crayons there. Like, bitch, pick another blue. She was like, I want that one. And I was like. I said, no. So I kept coloring. Cuz who the fuck you. You're not gonna tell me shit. So then this bitch. I love you, though. We're good now. This bitch takes my fucking crayon. She's like. Because she was an only child. No offense. Sometimes you're a little bit, like, you know, titled. Yeah.
- [36:57]
A
The world is mine.
- [36:58]
B
Okay. The world may be yours, but my crayon is not yours. She took my. Look at me talking like I'm in a.
- [37:06]
A
She took my.
- [37:07]
B
And starts coloring. And I was like. So then I grab her hand that she took my crying with, and I was like, ah. And I bit her finger so hard she started to bleed. And she told on me. And as she ran to the teacher, I got my cran. I kept galloping. I was like, but you. And then I got in trouble. So since that day, I've kind of always been like a little bit of a rebellious kind of a. I'm not gonna take your shit. Aside from that, my first. My first actual physical fight, dude. Oh, my God. Was in high school, okay? And mind you, in middle school, I had hella problems with, like, people. Like, I was just fucking stupid. I blame myself for that one. Anyway, let's talk about high school real quick. Okay? So I get. I get to high school. I'm. I'm in this private school. I'm not gonna say what, but I'm in a private high school school. Immediately I don't fit in because I'm a loud ass and I'm very much like, whatever. And not all people, but everybody in a private. For the most part, private school is very much like we had. We had a uniform. I was a cactus in a collared shirt. What the I look like in this? Anyway, I was there. I was vibing. I was like, all right, cool. So I always say a long story short. And I keep on talking.
- [38:07]
A
No, I love it though. Give me the long story. I'm like, give me the long story.
- [38:11]
B
This is why I love Alan. He actually gives a. Okay, aside from that. So freshman year, I'm like six months into, like, fresh or a few, what, three, four months in, whatever. And there was this girl, which. Ah, this sucks. These two girls. Two sisters. One was my age, one was my sister's age. We grew up with them since we were like, fetuses. Like, we grew up together, AKA while we ended up at the same high school because we never wanted to be a part. So then I don't know what fudgeing issue my sister had with the one that was her Age older. When they were both a junior when I was a freshman. I don't know what fucking beef they got into, what fucking problem they got into. But long story short, we were at the quad one day. Day school was over. We were all just sitting there. And then this girl, which again, if you're watching again, it's all love. Now you and your sister, it's literally all love. We were like 12, 13. The girl was the opposite side of the quad. And I was sitting here with my sister and her friends. And the girl kept looking at my sister, being like, like, taunting her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, like, my tiny ass. I was like, who the. I know she's not talking to you. Mind you, I don't know how to fight yet. Yeah, I don't know.
- [39:12]
A
It was your first fight, right?
- [39:14]
B
So there was a lot of, like, you know. So now I was like. I kept looking at her, and my sister just kept laughing with her other friends, laughing at her, not taunting her back. And I was like, okay. And she was like. So then I was like, get up. So the girl got up. I was like, okay, what we doing? Relax. Calm down. What are we doing? Pregnant. Like, she was tall and whatever. So we met up at the middle of the quad. And this girl, she was standing in front of my sister, okay? Like, I'm. My sister. The bitch is the mic. She was like, do some shit. Do some shit. And my sister was like this.
- [39:50]
A
I have no mind.
- [39:51]
B
My sister. That's like, we're. If we weren't sisters, we would be enemies. We're polar fucking opposites. My sister was like, literally not going to do shit, and literally not. Why are you in my. Like, just so. Like, her sarcasm will piss you off.
- [40:03]
A
Go to class.
- [40:04]
B
Yeah, like, do something. Go touch grass, bitch. And the girl was like, no, do something. You want to fight? And my sister was like, okay, well, you were the one taunting me. I'm literally not going to touch you. I'm. I'm good. The girl kept going. So then I get in the middle of him, and I was like, who we talking to, bitch? Because I let my sister for a little bit, but now you still talking crazy at the mom, like, what? We don't know. So I get in the middle and I'm like, so do something, bitch. And then I forgot who hit who. Damn. That's the one part I don't remember. Fact is, I don't know how to fight. Oh, I think. Oh, I think I grabbed her head first. Oh, yeah, I think that's what happened? I grabbed her head first and, like, I flung her down and then she grabbed my hair again. A bitch. I don't know how to fucking fight. So she was tugging on my. And while she was tugging on my shit, I was, like, trying to, like, throw.
- [40:44]
A
I don't know how to punch. I was like, down here, like,
- [40:49]
B
I was talking her fucking time. I was like, just trying to whatever the fuck. I didn't fuck her up at all. No, I didn't fuck her up. No. Absolutely not. But I did win. Whatever. So we ended up. I don't know who the fuck I think it was my sister and a few other of her other friends. I broke up the fight, and then when she got up, like, I had broke her glasses. And I don't recommend fucking fighting. I'm just telling my story. If somebody is messing with you, tell a fucking teacher. Don't. Do not do this. I'm just telling my story, okay? Just saying that her glasses were all up, her hair was like. And then she had, like, a tiny little scratch here. And I broke her necklace with pearls. Why are you wearing Pearls? You're not 80. Whatever. Her pearl necklace was all over the place. And then she was, like, crying, and I was like, school was over. We're waiting for our rise. I was like, do not tell anybody that we just argued. Do not tell anybody, because if you do, this is a private school. We're going to get kicked out, not suspended. She's like, I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I was like, don't tell anybody. Like, we fought. Let it be that.
- [41:38]
A
That she tells.
- [41:41]
B
Fifteen minutes later on the intercom. Mind your school's already over. Intercom, cease. Rose, get to the office immediately. I was like this. I don't know if she didn't put two and two together, but just because you got your ass beat, you're still getting kicked out. Because you also fought Me too. So we both got kicked out. Ended up in the same high school. Public high school. Oh, my God. That was funny. I was like, round two. That was my first fight. I don't know what the I was doing. I was just, like, smacking her forehead. I was like, what the. But I won somehow. But, yeah, that. That was it. I do not recommend fighting. Tell a teacher if someone's with you.
- [42:18]
A
But, yeah, where you were mentioning that you went to military school. How did you end up there, bro?
- [42:28]
B
How did that happen? So. Oh, my God, I love it. Alan does his research. When I was getting kicked out of the high Schools, it kept letting me back. Not getting kicked out. I'm sorry. Suspended. Because I would never, like, go to my classes.
- [42:38]
A
Like, constantly getting suspended.
- [42:40]
B
Okay. But in public school, you have more like, leeway versus private school. It's like, God forbid you drop a pencil, you're expelled. Whatever the. So I would always get suspended for, like, missing class or, like, fighting people. But there was a time, like, one of the last. Last times where I had to go to court. Actually, I'm getting to that. To that. Your question. I had to go to court because I had so many truancy tickets. They're like, this has a F in all her classes. What's good? So I went to court and they were like, you have to start going to your classes. Whatever, whatever. And I was like. So I did community service. That didn't work on me. I was like, still not going. I don't like school. I never like school. I still don't. I don't think I ever will. That's why I'm a content creator. So then my mom was like, I got a. So she looked up at military school, and she was like, it just wasn't like a boy boarding school. You. This place. Sunburst Youth Academy, by the way. Love you guys. Class 7 Firehawks. Changed my life. Your parents can't make you go there. It has to be like, you have to comply and be like, hey, I'm down to go. Or if you don't. They're like, hey, you can't make your kids very much.
- [43:35]
A
Like rehab almost, right?
- [43:37]
B
Exactly. But like, yeah, it has to be up to exactly. Like, the kids you want to change. Yes. If not, they're like, hey, you can't. This is not one. This is not that type of program.
- [43:45]
A
I'm like, this ain't no child care.
- [43:54]
B
So I ended up going, or my mom told me. Told me about military school, and I was considering it. I was like, what the I gotta do? And she told me, basically, you have to be there for six months. You only get to talk to us on the phone once a week or once every two weeks. You can't see your family besides on family day, which was one day in six months. So it was very much like, yeah, you're. Yeah, exact. No, literally, for a child, you're like,
- [44:15]
A
I'm going to jail. It.
- [44:16]
B
Absolutely, yeah. So I was so fucking down to go. And then I thought you were down. Yeah, exactly. So then I ended up deciding to go after the. Was it not the orientation? I think orientation or some shit. And then so My mom was like, you know what? Yeah, I'm not going to go. Fuck this. And then I just woke up one morning and I was like, if I don't go to this and catch up on all my credits for missing so much school and classes, like, if I don't go, I'm going to end up getting held back like two, two or three years. That's for me. That was embarrassing. So I went. And I won't even tell this story, but whatever. When I, when I went. Long story short, I almost got kicked out of military school. Like, am I okay? I almost got kicked out of military school day one. Day one. Because they were trying to tell me what the. To do. Getting him. What the. You mean push up, bitch? Say, please don't tell me what to do. No, talk to me. Nice. Have a nice tone. I went to military school. It absolutely changed my life, switch my perspective on everything. Really made me feel like goal oriented. And if it wasn't for military school, I don't, I don't actually know where I would be right now.
- [45:19]
A
Yeah.
- [45:19]
B
Because I was hanging out with some crazy people that I could have ended up in a whole different place. So they definitely saved my life. Not much has changed my attitude. It still remains the same. But yeah, that was my experience.
- [45:31]
A
What in military changed your mind? Because I'm sure, you know, at the beginning you're like, okay, I'm just going to go fucking do what the fuck I got to do.
- [45:38]
B
Yeah.
- [45:38]
A
And then get the fuck back home. You know what? Was there a specific maybe class, maybe lecture, maybe teacher, whoever that was. Like, look, mija, mira estos las cosas, si no cambias in a whole different way. Like, what did you live or hear in that military school? I was like, you know what? They're right. I do need a change.
- [45:58]
B
Believe it or not, it was the first day I almost got kicked out. Like the push up, it was the two sit ups.
- [46:04]
A
The.
- [46:05]
B
It was literally, literally the first day that I arrived, which is also the first day that I almost got kicked out. Because when I almost got kicked out, they put me into like the, the principal's office with all the sergeants and, and I was sitting there for like eight hours. I was like, I don't give a. I want to be here. The way they talked to me for all those hours, something clicked and I was like, celis, like it's literally now or it's never. That first day, I literally switched my perspective and I was like, you know what? From here on out, I'm Gonna just thug it out for the six months. I'm not gonna talk to nobody. I don't want to be anybody's. A friend. I don't want. I'm just gonna stay focused, catch up on all my credits and get the up out of this. I made some friends. But regardless, I did all that and I ended up graduating early from high school. The person who was like, the lost cause, the lost soul, the bad girl ended up being. I graduated early, but after military school. Can I tell?
- [46:53]
A
Yeah, yeah, that's. I'm like, keep it going, girl.
- [46:55]
B
Okay. This one's really bad, though.
- [46:56]
A
Okay, tell it. I love reading this.
- [46:58]
B
I'm a shot right now.
- [46:59]
A
Okay, give me. Okay, you know what?
- [47:01]
B
We need a shot for Alan. The story's pretty bad.
- [47:03]
A
I have a little one right here.
- [47:04]
B
Okay. Okay. Your shot. Me prima.
- [47:06]
A
Shot. Shot. Prima.
- [47:08]
B
You need a shot.
- [47:09]
A
You need a shot for this Story time, amigas.
- [47:15]
B
Give me till the summertime. I swear I'm going to take shots. I'm. I'm going to come here, just take a shot with you.
- [47:19]
A
I got you. Let's do it.
- [47:20]
B
I got you. Because I like my body.
- [47:22]
A
I'll wait for your prima. For the shot. Cheers.
- [47:29]
B
Okay. You would think, think after military school, like, I was just like this well behaved person. I wasn't. I was just caught up on my credits and I had a different mentality, right? But I still had that attitude after that, for senior year, I went back to the high school that I got kicked out of for fighting that one. They let me back in. They were like, hey, we never let anybody back into the school.
- [47:45]
A
The private school.
- [47:46]
B
Exactly.
- [47:47]
A
Okay.
- [47:47]
B
They were like, we don't. We don't ever do this. But the only reason why we're allowing her to come back is because she went to military school. We've never heard of that happening.
- [47:53]
A
So, like, we really want to change. Yeah.
- [47:56]
B
They're like, okay, so she really changed. So they let me back in within, like, two months. It's just. It's a really. I don't want to tell a whole thing. It's just a really long story. Long story short. It's a long story.
- [48:06]
A
Tell it. Tell it.
- [48:07]
B
I don't want to bore myself.
- [48:09]
A
Make it short then, but give enough detail to where I'm like, all right, I see, I see.
- [48:13]
B
Okay. It was a private school. We had mass every Friday. Every time we had a mass, it was in the big auditorium. All the freshmen sat here, sophomore juniors, and all the seniors sat. And. And, like, where, like, the basketball court is I was sitting there with my backpack on. I had a bright ass green backpack on, and all my friends had wrote on it, like, we love you, bitch. Like, fuck you. Love you so much. Like, you know, like people right on your back. Back in high school, it's like jansport
- [48:33]
A
vibes at the time. Was it a jansport?
- [48:35]
B
Exactly.
- [48:36]
A
Yes.
- [48:37]
B
Bitch, what the fuck?
- [48:38]
A
If you had a jansport growing up, you were the cool kids.
- [48:40]
B
Yeah, okay. Yeah, exactly. So I had it on, and it was bright green. It had like hella writing on it. And I'm sitting in the very, very back of, like, the auditorium, like, for the seniors. It was a private school, also a Catholic school, so we had nuns. Okay, I'm sorry, but it's. It happened. We had nuns. So I'm sitting there waiting for mass to start. I think we were like 15 minutes about to start. She comes up behind me. She's like, hey, you need to take that off. I was like, oh, that's a tone. I was like, okay, why? She was like, it has a lot of, like, you know, bad words on it. We're in mass right now. I was like, we're not in mass. I'm on the basketball court. But I understand what you're saying. I was like, I don't want to take it off. And she was like, you need to take it off right now. I was like, oh, I don't like to get told, oh, you know, I'm feeling. I'm feeling stuff right now. So I was like, fine, I'll take it off after I tie my white vans. I'm a white vans aholic. I was like, I'm gonna tie my shoe first. I swear. I swear it was untied. So I was like, give me a second. So when I lean down to tie my shoe. This none. This none. You know, like the little loop on the top of your back. And she pulled me up like that, and I was like. And I got up and I threw my chair at her. And I was like, don't you ever in your life touch me again. And then the Dean was like, Ms. Elise. I was like, yeah, I know. And I already walked my happy ass to the principal's office. But you know what? To be fair, actually, I'm pretty sure that nun may or may not have gone. Gotten expelled for doing that. Yeah, I also got. I got suspended for that. But I was like, you know, this. I'm out. I ended up finishing high school in a. In a. Ofl. Exactly. And I still finished high school earlier than, like, everybody but that's what happened. And I thought my mom was gonna be mad, but she was like, no, ironically, I'm not mad because she grabbed your up first and pulled you up. And no one's gonna touch my daughter. So you know what? You did the right. And that story is so much longer, but that's pretty much a sum up. So they're probably like, this never changed covered. And I'm like, I did. But why she touched me like that, though.
- [50:39]
A
But I feel like that's what has gotten you so far. Like you. You being yourself now, obviously you're still the same person, but now with the purpose and you have your goals. So you're like, okay, no Puerto Madrosa porque. Oh, Empire. You know what piece of advice can you give any child watching right now that is going through those tough times, you know, like that cool person, because you're constantly getting in trouble, or maybe they're in a bad path where they feel like they can't straighten up and eventually have success or do something great with their life.
- [51:10]
B
Don't go out of your fucking way to be bad either. But if you are that, like, bad kid, the bad teenager, the one that's frowned upon, the one that looks different from everybody else, the one that is the only one getting bad grades, the one that stands out, the one that doesn't feel loved or included, I want you to know, know that while that hurts right now, that is literally your power. You just have to tap into that. Because you being the different one, the black sheep of the family, is going to get you places. Because, my love, you are the chosen one. And that is why nobody can relate. That is why everyone thinks you're crazy. Because you are the chosen one. So just know, you are loved, you are seen. If you have a dream, dream, don't walk for it. Don't chase it. You better run for it, get it done, get there. But I promise, this feeling that you have right now, like this too, shall pass. You are loved, you are seen. And it's good to be different because I don't want to blend in. I like to stand the out. I like, I like being in my fancy dress and being tatted up. I like, I like with my fun hair. I like looking different because it's you. I'm gonna make a statement. I'm gonna take up space right when I get there, you know? So you being this way is quite literally your power. Take it from me, it is your fucking power. That is my advice. Keep going. Don't give up. Don't give up ever. Spring just slid into your DMs. Grab that boho, look for that rooftop dinner, those sandals that can keep up with you, and hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up. Spring's calling. Ross. Work your magic.
- [52:49]
A
Starting something new isn't just hard, it's terrifying. So much work goes into this thing that you're not entirely sure will work out, and it can be hard to make that leap of faith. Trust me, I know. In the past I've had Lash brand, I've launched Merch and even with this podcast. When I started this podcast, I wasn't even sure what I was doing. What if no one listens? What if no one sees my vision? Now I know that I was right in believing in myself and launching my podcast despite all fears and hesitations. It can also help when you have a partner like Shopify on your side to help. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Aloe Yoga and Rare Beauty to brands just getting started. Get started with your own design studio with hundreds of ready to use templates. Shopify Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style. Get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you. Easily create emails and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling. Best yet, Shopify is your commerce experts with world class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processes, returns and beyond. I love Shopify. Amigas por que emberda que si ase Owning a business so easy. In the past when I've had my Lash brand and also whenever I'd launch Merch, I've always used Shopify Porch ac todo super fast. It's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com Allen go to shopify.com Allen that is shopify.com Allen.
- [54:36]
B
Your next chapter in healthcare starts at Carrington College's School of Nursing in Portland. Join us for our open house on Tuesday, January 13th from 4 to 7pm you'll tour our campus, see live demos, meet instructors and learn about our Associate Degree in Nursing program that prepares you to become a registered nurse. Take the first step towards your nursing career. Save your spot now at Carrington Edu Events. For information on program outcomes, visit Carrington.
- [55:04]
A
Edu Sci quiero platicarde alo. You know I mentioned earlier that when I was growing up that's when you kind of were blowing up. She's, like, not that much older than I am, but, you know, in high school, I think I was, like, a junior, and maybe you were. What if I was? What's a Junior? Like, 16, 17, 18.
- [55:28]
B
Similar.
- [55:28]
A
I don't know, social media. Right.
- [55:31]
B
Okay.
- [55:31]
A
I had started following you. I didn't even know. Okay. The only reason I'm telling this, you guys, is because the next conversation we're going into is you're coming out story. Right? So when I first started following Celis, I didn't even know you were a lesbian because a lot of your content was very much. You would do it very generic, very, like a boy content.
- [55:51]
B
Right. Like, very.
- [55:52]
A
Still do.
- [55:53]
B
Right.
- [55:53]
A
Because it's like, you want to connect
- [55:54]
B
with more people like this. Like, you want to connect with as many people as you can. And that's why, like, I still talk about, like, the LGBTQIA community. I still do little things like that, but I just don't want all of my content to be, like, lesbian, lesbian, lesbian, lesbian. Like, at that point, like, I. It's an ick for me. Like, that's annoying. But you talk about something else besides yourself. So that's why I like to, like, tap into everybody. You know what I mean?
- [56:13]
A
First moment that had gotten to my first pride, and I think it could have been Long beach or it could have been literally LA Pride.
- [56:21]
B
Yes.
- [56:21]
A
This was like, when I was, like, first, like, trying to discover myself. I think I was trying to start social media, but I wasn't, like, anywhere near. And you were already blowing up at this time. I remember I was with my friends, and, you know, I used to love your skits, Quesias, as your mom. Congrats. And I remember. I don't know who mentioned it to me. They're like, tio Salis, Rose is here. And I was like, wait, wait. Celise. Salsa. Rosa. Mama biscuit. Ah. Like, literally, not much. Honestly, when you did your intro, I was like, okay, baby, you forgot one thing you said. Lis. Rose. Salsa. Rosa, where's the mama biscuit? Yeah. Oh, my God. I was gonna clock her midway, but
- [57:00]
B
I didn't want to introduce a biscuit at me.
- [57:03]
A
Literally, I'm like, where's the biscuit? Literally. I'm like, exactly. So anyways, that was, like, my first introduction. I'm like, oh, my God. She. At first, I thought you were an ally. I'm like, okay, more to power to her. But then I was like, oh, my God, she's a part of. Of the community. You Know, and I want to talk all about that. Growing up, when did you start realizing, like, you know what, I might be a little different? Like, I don't.
- [57:24]
B
I might be a little gay. Yeah.
- [57:26]
A
What was like, your gay awakening moment? How did you feel? Did you know how to navigate those feelings growing up? Did you express them to anyone?
- [57:36]
B
So I never actually had a gay awakening. When I was in eighth grade, there was this girl named Camille. She was Asian. And I was like, yo, why you low key bad? In my head, I was like, wait, because I like the boys. But, like, I think why I was, like, kind of attracted to her was because she was very much like tomboy playing basketball. And I personally prefer to be with someone who's very masculine presenting. Like, I don't want to be with, like, another femme. A stem. I need you to be, like, masculine.
- [58:00]
A
I'm the queen, baby.
- [58:01]
B
I'm the queen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So in eighth grade, I kind of. I like. I was looking at Camille. I was like, oh, oh, okay, know. But so then I went to be like, with the guys, but I'm not gonna sit here and be like, oh, I didn't really want to be with guys. I was just pretending for my mom. Like, no, I wanted to be with the men. Like, I wanted to, like, when I was growing up, I was like, okay, shit. Like, I like, you know, I like boys. I like men, whatever. And then up until not judgmental, people not gonna send their kids to military school anymore. But okay. When I was in military school, I was like, oh, wait, there's a lot of like, they thems and what? Whoa, whoa, whoa. There's a lot of like, you know, know.
- [58:37]
A
Cuz maybe a lot of people were sending their kids out there to correct them.
- [58:40]
B
Exactly. And that's exactly what the they say. You, you, you were. You, you. Yes. I was like, oh, okay. There's like, quite a few. Like, they're kind of butch. I was like, this is hot. Okay. Anyway, I never dated anybody in military school. Never had a thing with them, Nothing. But at that moment, I was like, bro, let me, like, kind of want to tap into this. I want to tap into it. So then I met this girl on Twitter when I was like, like when I left military school. So I was like 15 or 16 some. I'm not gonna say her name because, God, she probably watches me till this day. But I met her during that time, like, my sister, she's. She's gay, she's happily married, they have a daughter. She's so, so cute. But at the time, my sister was like. She was dating a girl. And like, I never really knew. I just always had assumptions. Cuz why the you want to be at her house so goddamn much, right?
- [59:27]
A
Like, dang, your best friend.
- [59:28]
B
There's something more. Right? Right. I'm put my Hispanic mom wig on real quick. So I always had a feeling about them, right? But I never really knew. But anyway, at the time I was like, kind of had like my own thing with this girl. I was like, oh, my God, could it be? Could we be a fake? Am I gay? Anyway, so then I caught like, my sister with the other girl. And I was like, okay, my sister's gay. Cool. And I had talked to my sister about it. That story is way longer, by the way. I outed my sister out a ticket. I. So that was horrible on my end. I'm so sorry about that. It's a different story.
- [60:00]
A
But your mom about it.
- [60:01]
B
Yeah, okay. Yeah. Because my sister got me. If she told on me for a bunch of other things prior to that and well, right.
- [60:06]
A
It's my look back.
- [60:07]
B
That's my lick back. Exactly. So then I was like, oh. Like, I was like, oh, I don't say her name. I was like, my sister. I was like, dude, let's talk. I think there's a girl that I like and I'm gonna tell mom. And she was like, huh? Because my sister doesn't tell my mom till this day. She's very much like, yeah, private. And I'm like, like, guess who I kissed today? Guess what I farted on the bus. Like, whatever. Like, I'm so open. She was just, like, baffled. She was like, why? She's gonna like, what? They're gonna judge you? I was like, well, I don't care. I have shown my entire life that I don't give a what you have to say. Imma still do me. So I tell my mom. She didn't like it. But then she came around after two, three weeks, and until this day. And I came out when I was 16, 17, till this day, she has been the most supportive person ever. The most. The most. Because you either lose your kids or you support your kids.
- [60:56]
A
Yep.
- [60:57]
B
And you open your mind. And my mom was like, I'm not losing my daughters. So I came out, and then my sister a few years later, she was like, like, me too, maybe. But she never actually fully, fully, fully came out until she met her now wife. That's when she was like, oh, I love this bitch. Like, oh. And then she came out and then we all Knew. I also know a lot of people don't have safe environments at home to, like, want to come out. They have judgmental parents. So I'm not rushing your come out, but I personally just never really gave a fuck. I was like, you're going to like it or not, and I'm going to be me and I'm going to be loud about it and I'm going to be proud about it. And I came out and yeah, that's how my coming out story was.
- [61:30]
A
What piece of advice can you give anyone watching that is struggling? Because I feel like it's a universal thing, right? Even if you have that confidence to be like, you know what? I'm going to tell my parents that this is who I am, this is how I feel. These are my feelings. You know, even as a kid, you. You're like, wait. Because like, shit can go south. You know, your parents love you, but then you're like, what if they won't support it? What piece of advice can you give anyone watching right now that is struggling or that maybe is going through a situation where their parents aren't accepting or where they feel like they're the problem for being exactly who the fuck they are? What advice would you give them as
- [62:04]
B
cliche this is going to sound, I don't give a fuck. You need to just be yourself at all costs. And obviously, if you feel like you're in danger in your household old, I probably wouldn't until you can, like, get the out. Because you also have to, you know, make sure your life is, you know, safe. But aside from that, I would just never be ashamed to be who I am. Because why are straight people not ashamed to be who they are?
- [62:23]
A
Or why don't they have to come out as straight?
- [62:26]
B
Thank you. When you're gay, it's like people are like, oh, my God, I have another gay friend. I wonder if you would like her. Yeah, but just because you're gay doesn't mean I' ma like you like the. Or like, you know, you meet those homegirls and they're like, I'm not gay.
- [62:37]
A
Okay?
- [62:37]
B
Don't hit on me.
- [62:39]
A
I'm not even looking at you.
- [62:40]
B
Don't even have all your teeth.
- [62:41]
A
Don't worry about that.
- [62:44]
B
But I would just say just be yourself and I promise you the right people will come into your life and help you embrace that side of you. Whether it's like family members that you chose, like friends that become family or things like that. But you cannot. I mean, if you want to, you can. But we get one life. You mean to tell me you're going to spend your life being somebody you're not trying to want to please other that are not even pleased with themselves? Like, if you know who you are, stand that, stand 10 toes on that, double down on that. Be proud of who you are. And if people don't want to be in your life, okay, it. The trash took itself out, why are you worried about it? The trash took itself out. And you will meet people that are like, you are perfect just the way that you are. So there's nothing wrong with you. You are allowed to love whoever you want to love. And that should just be that. That should be that. I know it's a lot of like controversial opinions because like I believe in God. Almost all of my tattoos, like literally everything is like very much like religious associated.
- [63:38]
A
Yeah.
- [63:38]
B
My entire back. I have the gates of heaven for what I feel it looks like. But I'm a lesbian, right? But that doesn't matter. Like you don't you. It's just people are so stupid and closed minded. Their brain is the size of a pee. Well, if you're this. And why do you do that? Well, if you're, if you're such a Catholic, why do you do it? Like, because God makes no mistakes and Jesus loves me just the way that I am. If you're a Catholic, why are you leaving a hate comment on my page? But then I go to your page and there's Psalms 1 in your bio. Like I was talking about that on another podcast. Anytime someone leaves a hate comment on your page, you go to their page.
- [64:10]
A
It's always them.
- [64:11]
B
John 4.
- [64:12]
A
I'm like,
- [64:15]
B
and their bio literally says, Mother of five, proud wife. John, why the you worried about my gay ass, bitch? Get the don't touch grass ass. Be yourself in a world full of people who don't like themselves as long as at least, at least you know yourself and you like yourself. So you, if you're either gonna embrace that or you're gonna wake up one day being 80 years old being like, damn, shoulda, woulda, coulda, I refuse to live like that. I. I did it, did it and I did it again.
- [64:39]
A
How annoying was it? Because I feel like, you know, lesbians get this a lot where, you know, guys will be like, they swear like, you know, like they can do, do their big one. Would you get that a lot from like guys like trying to hit you?
- [64:55]
B
Even to this day, till this day, I get a lot of men being like, like in my comment section, like, either like, what a waste of a woman, like what I told you, or, oh, she's too pretty to be gay. I'm sorry, what? Gay people are supposed to be ugly. Okay, we'll unpack that one later. Or you just haven't had good dick yet, and I'm like, what, your shrimp dick ass boy? Leave me alone. Or you're like, you know what? I get a lot. Well, why don't you like men if the women you date look like men? And I'm like, because she's still not a man. Yeah, that's why. Like, what do you mean? So. But at the end of the day, I used to hate those comments. I'm actually. Maybe because I have a fat ass ego. I am so flattered by it because you are just telling me how much you want me and how much you will never get to be with me, and that's enough for me to live with that fantasy.
- [65:40]
A
You.
- [65:40]
B
Right? So it's like, well, you think you're going out of your way to be like, well, this is really going to piss her off. You. You wish you could me. Yeah, I know you can't. So I don't get offended anymore. Like, but not even anymore. Like, I never really did because I don't really give a what the you have to say about me because I'm gonna still do what the I want regardless. Like, the. The day I like men is a day you're also gonna like, man, why don't you like this?
- [66:01]
A
Yeah.
- [66:01]
B
Yeah, why don't you like dick? Come on. So, but they're not ready for that conversation. But.
- [66:05]
A
And they probably do.
- [66:07]
B
There's a lot of DL, right?
- [66:10]
A
What do you think is a healthy relationship versus an unhealthy relationship? How you do. Do you, like, differentiate both of them?
- [66:17]
B
There's no perfect relationship. Right. Even if it's a healthy relationship. But I think a healthy relationship is people accepting each other for who they are, wanting to bring out the best in the other person instead of wanting to just take from them. I think accountability is also a beautiful thing and I can also be better at that. But accountability is a beautiful thing. And really just like meeting your partner where they're at, and instead of being like, I want this and I want more and I want more of you. More of you. Instead of trying to take from someone's cup, like, also fill into each other's cup.
- [66:44]
A
Yeah.
- [66:44]
B
You know, water each other. It's a very vague answer, but that's a healthy relationship. An unhealthy relationship could be a million different fudgeing things. Ultimately, the one thing I will say, you know, it's an unhealthy relationship when you have, like, lost your spark.
- [66:57]
A
Yeah.
- [66:57]
B
You know, it's an unhealthy relationship. When your mental health is in danger, you know, it's an unhealthy relationship where. Very, very dark topic. And I do want to touch on this a little bit later when you would much rather, like, not be here because. Because it's so bad. You know, it's an unhealthy relationship where you have to, like, defend them so much to everybody around you who clearly sees something that you don't. And if you just feel like you're walking on eggshells all the time. But again, there's a million things that can determine what a toxic relationship is. But again, everybody, shit stinks. And while I'm sitting here preaching about this, I also need you guys to know, like, while I am a very motivational person, I also, like, my shit stinks too. Like, I have so many things I want to work on. And that's the beauty of being in a toxic relationship. Relationship. Get the out, get the out when you're ready. But you also realize things about yourself that you have to work on as well. You have to take a look in the mirror. And I'm not trying to be rude here, but everybody, everybody, all of us in this room, everybody in the world has to look in the mirror and be like, how am I a shitty person? Like, you have to look at the mirror and be like, what toxic patterns do I keep repeating? How am I pushing people away? What accountability am I not taking? Why don't I love myself? And then when you face yourself, which is so ugly it has heavy, you'll be like, all right. That toxic relationship will also humble you because it will teach you, like, hey, you got some shits too.
- [68:09]
A
Yeah.
- [68:09]
B
Ain't sweet. So there is a beauty of learning a lot in toxic relationships. But I do want to say, like, if you're in one, don't let anybody rush you to get out. Don't let anybody make you feel bad because you're still in it. Only, you know, whenever it's your time to leave, and you will leave whenever you feel safe enough to leave and be around people who understand and I hope make you feel like for doing that and just know that there's better for you while it doesn't feel like it right now. Like, this can't be it. This is not the end of your life. This, this. This is no fucking way. There's no fucking way that this is going to be your love story. You know what I mean?
- [68:36]
A
What do you think are subtle signs of like, toxic relationships that like, people tend to, you know, oversee or tend to ignore? And do you feel like a lot of those toxic traits, do you think they stem a lot from like that person's childhood? And like, going back to what you said, how important is it to be like, you know what? I've had this shitty upbringing. I didn't really have a good picture of what a healthy relationship was growing up. How important is it? Even though if you've had trauma that has made you the way you are, how important is it to be like, you know what? Yeah, this is all I know, but I gotta unlearn these traits to be happy, to find love, and to know my worth.
- [69:14]
B
I mean, I think everybody's trauma is an adult. Like, it does stem from like their childhood. Right. For the most part, you kind of mimic like what you saw. I don't want to get like too deep into this because I to, don't want, want to like on anybody's relationship. But like, I grew up with parents who are already divorced already. My mind's like, all right, love is like we have to separate. You know what I mean? Then I saw my grandparents who are still together, who absolutely hate each other. They've hated each other my entire life. They don't even want to be in the same room. And like, we were raised by them too. So my idea of love is very much like, I'm scared, eventually this has to end, right? Like we have to end. Maybe that's like an avoidance part of me, even though I'm very much more anxious. And then I would also say like, like subtle things. You can notice if it's going to be a toxic relationship. If someone wants to take a lot of you very, very quickly, it's probably a red flag. If someone is love bombing you with a lot of gifts and a lot of things right away, it's probably a red flag.
- [70:02]
A
Yeah.
- [70:02]
B
Cuz that's like love bombing you and they're giving it's. And if someone gets angry at you anytime you want to do something when they're not around, like just getting mad for like things that like under, like a lot of people don't understand that. And a lot of you guys are gonna hate me for this. I don't care. Your relationship should not be your personality. Your entire life should not go based around like, I am, I am a girlfriend.
- [70:24]
A
Yeah.
- [70:25]
B
Like, okay, I also got my Homegirls. I also got this. I also got a family. I also have a niece. I have work, I have a career.
- [70:31]
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [70:32]
B
I have things to do. If you guys want to settle down with somebody, don't go for the. And of course looks have to matter, right? You don't want to like just date a data like a hobbit or anything. But like, you know, like at the end of the day, make sure you go with the person that brings you peace.
- [70:46]
A
Yeah.
- [70:47]
B
Not just the person that like looks good on paper, make sure you go with the person that like wants to understand you. They want to understand why you're hurting. They want to learn more. Not someone that's like just invalidates all your fucking feelings and makes you feel fucking crazy and you just look good on paper. You don't want to be. While you are the pride, you also don't want to be somebody's trophy. Just don't fucking settle. And if you feel like you're settling, like when you're ready, you'll get the fuck out. And deep down you know, when you're
- [71:12]
A
settling, do you feel like sometimes self worth comes a lot into it? You know, I feel like I've had someone tell me like, oh, I just don't think I deserve better. You deserve the best. It's that this person is not that right person for you. And I feel like a lot of people, you know, stay in toxic situations, stay in situations that are not going to do them any good because they don't feel worthy of love. They don't feel like someone can really love them how they wish to be loved. Do you feel like a lot of that comes from that? And if so, you know, what piece of advice can you give someone that is currently struggling with their self worth that doesn't feel worthy, that doesn't feel valued? What advice can you give them?
- [71:51]
B
You know, self love does have to play a part in this. But at the end of the day, here's the thing, dude, you can love yourself so much and be such a confident motherfucker and know who you are and. But when you end up with the wrong person or you end up with someone that doesn't see your worth, you will start to lose yourself. So it doesn't matter if you walk into it with self love, like while you can still get out because you love yourself, a lot of the times you kind of just kind of get sucked into it and you forget that. You forget your worth. And then toxic cycles become your new normal and your brain becomes addicted to that. And then we start to think that, like, oh, well, like, this is just, like, what I deserve. This is just like, what we've always done. What we've always. What we'll always do. You can also lose yourself along the way. And I think those relationships are actually the most painful ones because one day you look in the mirror and you're like, who the am I? What the am I doing? What the is going on? I'm so disassociated what I'm. Huh. At that time, it's very important for you to, like, be like, is it time to go? Or am I gonna, like, die in this type, you know? And my. My advice to you, this too shall pass. And it's like the little tattoo I have on my finger right here. It says, the only way out is through. Don't try to numb yourself. Trigger warning. Don't try to, like, take substances. Don't try to distract yourself with another person. Don't try to jump into something else. Just really unpack that situation and really get to know, like, how that person hurt you and why you tolerated it for so long and how did you hurt that person? Person, and why did they tolerate it for so long? And what could you have done better? What could they have done better? And what will you never tolerate again? It does get better. This too shall pass. But in order for it to pass, you need to find a way to get out when you feel safe enough to do so. If not, this is going to be the rest of your life.
- [73:33]
A
To add to that, I feel like a lot of people. This is to add to her advice, which was amazing advice. I feel like a lot of people, the toxic relationships. I feel like a lot of people tend to. Tend to confuse the, oh, we're going through a rough patch with, oh, this is actually very unhealthy. Constantly. Constantly. This is not a rough path. That is an unhealthy, toxic relationship. And I feel like, you know, a lot of people, like, including everyone in this room, maybe can. Has or has sometimes struggled. Sometimes you can be like, no, this is bad. I'm not going to accept it. But then you're like, wait, but this is like, everyone can go through my parents. That means that's your brain withdrawing and
- [74:15]
B
it isn't like, the discomfort. So then you need your dopamine hit. So you reach out and then you talk, and then you argue, and then you're like, oh, fudge, that's. That's why I shouldn't have called you. And then it's like a Reset. And it's like a reset. So I totally get. I was going to fudgeing say something, but I totally fucking forgot. No, no, no. What the fuck you said was so fucking powerful. Oh, that's what I wanted to say. While again, I'm sitting here, I just. I'm just like, to be real, like, I'm never gonna sit here and be like, I'm. I'm perfect. I'm this. I'm. Yeah, like, no. I also want to say, like, I know what it's like to be the victim in relationships. I also know what it's like to be the toxic one in relationships. Right. They both feel really, really ugly. So don't look at me and be like, I'm gonna take. Like, you can take my advice if you want. You don't have to. But I've also been very toxic. Toxic, but I've also been the victim. Victim. But I've learned so much power in both of those things where I'm like, ew. Like, I was so toxic. Like, why would I do that? I never want to be that person again. And that's why it's important for you to be alone and really get to know yourself and be like, I am never putting anyone through that ever again. And I am never gonna let a put me through that ever again. So you really have to, like, you have to unpack it, bro.
- [75:25]
A
You really do. Because I feel like, you know, as humans, we try to be like, no. And you've been saying it a lot. It's like, you have to really look in the mirror. And, you know, a lot of the time, you know, you're also fucking up. Maybe not as much as the other person or vice versa, but it's like, you also have, like you said, we have to meet in the middle. You have to make sure that you're also treating this person how you want to be treated. You know, I want to get a little bit even more deeper about mental health, which I feel like you're really huge pause.
- [75:56]
B
I want to touch on something that you said. You said you both have to understand how. How toxic it is. I also have to add in. You both have to understand that both of your. Stinks.
- [76:06]
A
Yeah.
- [76:07]
B
Because a lot of times in relationships, people are like, well, no, not me. Well, I did that because you did that. Well, I did this because you did that. And I did that because that. So really, I'm just like a little victim. Well, in certain situations that are very deep and traumatic, some people are a victim of certain things. Right. But But a lot of the times people will just hurt you and blame you for being hurt. Yeah, they'll, like, cut you and be like, why the. Not physically, but they'll cut you and they'll be like, what the. Are you bleeding right now?
- [76:30]
A
Why the.
- [76:31]
B
Are you crying right now? So you also have to make sure that if you want to build a future with someone, whether it's an ex or someone you have now or someone in the future, they can see their wrongs without trying to justify it. And you can't justify your either, because I've done that too. And it doesn't mean when I go to bed at night, I'm not. I don't. I'm not happy when I do that. I don't go to bed being like, yeah, I just justified it. I don't sleep like a baby.
- [76:52]
A
You feel bad. That was horrible.
- [76:55]
B
You have to have empathy. Like, I. I hurt people. I hurt people. I understand that I'm. I can be toxic, but I have the empathy where I'm like, I don't want to. I don't. I want to. I don't want to do that again. Like, seeing you hurt hurts me. And when you get with someone, you have to make sure that if they hurt you, because everyone will hurt you, they feel that. They feel remorse, they feel. Feel guilt. They're like, I don't want to do that to you again. Not someone that's like, well, what did you do first? Like, no.
- [77:20]
A
Yeah, I love that. I love that. No, that was a good way to end it, because I feel like a lot of people, you know, they get trapped in that, like, victim mentality, and it's like, baby, come on, you're.
- [77:32]
B
Nobody's the same.
- [77:33]
A
Exactly.
- [77:33]
B
Nobody.
- [77:34]
A
Exactly. You know, and I really. Going back to, you know, where I was going, I want to go a little bit deeper. You know, I feel like you're also a huge advocate for me. Your mental health, you know, you've gone through a lot. You know, you've told and you've shared so much of, you know, your struggles online, which I feel like really does make a difference for your viewers and just anyone who has stumbled and seen any of your videos. You know, I want to talk more about that. You know, when did you feel like you started struggling with mental health? What was that first moment where you're like, you know what? Like, I don't think feeling like this, feeling so dark, feeling so sad is normal. What was that like? And when did. Do you feel like it started getting super hard for you?
- [78:10]
B
I don't want to say mental health problem sounds aggressive, but whatever the. This is my truth. I feel like I had mental health problems like growing up as it like growing up. Trigger warning, trigger warning. Talking about suicide here. So if you guys don't want to listen to this, like, please move forward. It's a very sensitive topic. But the first time I was suicidal, it was actually before military school. Never did anything but I wanted to like, oh, this is really dark. Can I talk about this?
- [78:30]
A
Yeah, let's do it.
- [78:31]
B
I wanted to like grab a rope and like when I was 16, I was just so down because I felt so like on love, like I was just such a burden to everybody's life. Like just like a bad kid where I was like, well then why the am I here? Didn't do it. I'm not gonna mess up my makeup anyway. I didn't do it. Went to military school, changed my life. Then I went through something really, really terrible in 2019 that I'm not gonna talk about on camera whatsoever, but that really me up. I remember it was like the worst 31 days of my life. And I count counted the worst 31 days of my life where I was going through something absolutely terrible. That one night I was like it. I grabbed my car keys, I was gonna drive myself to church at 9pm because till they say I like to go in front of my church and I like to just sit there and cry in my car. I was driving myself to church and I was like, I'm just gonna like let go of the wheel. I'm gonna step on the gas and like I'm gonna let go of the wheel. I don't wanna, I don't want to do this anymore. Like I let go of it. And then I was like, no. And I drove to church. And then, then my sister in law was there for that. I called her. I was calling the mental health hotlines. I was like, help. Like I'm not okay. And like my sister in law came to the rescue and I ended up going to a hospital that night and I was just like, I was up, bro. Like I was, I was up. And then the most recent time that I've like, don't let my therapist watch this.
- [79:49]
A
He's like, you didn't tell me that.
- [79:53]
B
Like the most recent time that I felt like that was, it was I think end of January of this year, 2026. This is the saddest thing ever, Alan. I'm not gonna say like what I was struggling with or why I felt so Heavy. And I'm still feeling that weight right now. That's why, like, I. I don't want to drink alcohol right now. End of January, beginning of February, I had made a goodbye video. And the video was almost five minutes long. Long. And in the video, I'm, like, telling my supporters and my family, like, I'm sorry. Like, everything that I, like, stood up for, like, mental health and, like. Like, don't go. Like, stay. Like, it's worth it, you know, in my video, I was like, bro, I was like, I'm so sorry to, like, my supporters that I, like, I'm letting down. Don't do this. Like, don't. Don't. Don't do what I'm about to do. I just. I, like, I lost my battle with mental health. I lost. But don't do it. And I'm so sorry that, like, I disappointed, like, you guys, because everything that I stood up for, like, I'm doing the opposite. And then in my video, I apologize to my family. I was saying, it's on my phone right now. I was like, I'm sorry. I know you guys are, like, so hurt right now, and. But I have to go. I have to go. And I had my video planned out. It's still in my hidden album where I was gonna, like, take myself that night with, like. Like, overdosing. Like, I already had it planned out. And I was like, I don't want to do this anymore. Like, I don't want to feel this way.
- [81:30]
A
I'm so sorry, by the way.
- [81:31]
B
Oh, thank you. And then in that moment, I was like, just sit with this decision for an hour. I made the video, turned my phone off for an hour. Hour, and thank you. The not me crying.
- [81:43]
A
No, you're good. You're good.
- [81:45]
B
So after I made the video, I was like, if you still feel this way in the next hour, God, like, such a sensitive topic. Then you can, like, like, make that decision.
- [81:56]
A
Like, go through with it.
- [81:57]
B
Just go through with it. And I sat with it, and I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I didn't come this far to only come this far. I'm not gonna do this and have my supporters be like, maybe I should too. You know, if Celis did it, you know, she was mental health. I'm gonna. No, I am not going out like this, and I am not going out without a fight. Still never deleted the video still on my phone. But from that day moving forward, I was like, the only way out is through.
- [82:32]
A
Yeah.
- [82:33]
B
And that's why, like, I'm still Going through the motions right now.
- [82:35]
A
Now.
- [82:35]
B
Then that's why, like, I don't want to drink because, like, I'm struggling right now with certain things. But just to think that I almost ended my life end of January of this year. I don't know what that would have done to, like, my supporters or my family, but I'm so glad that I didn't do it, and I'm glad you didn't. Thank you. And this is why I talk about mental health so much, because I know the feeling. I know what it's like to want to just end it all and really believe. Like, I'm not gonna get through this. I. This. This is. This is so bad. Like, I can't. You can. You can. You will. You can. You will. You can. You will. You can. You will. This is not the end of your story. This is just the end of a chapter. The book goes on. And if God woke you up today, or universe or whatever you believe in, if God woke you up today, he's not done with you. Yeah, and I know you're not done with your ass either, because I'm not done with me. And at that moment, I was like, like, I'm gonna do all the things that I wanted to do this year. I'm gonna. I'm gonna go on all the podcasts people have been asking me. I'm gonna do, like, what? What? No, no, no. So I'm here, and mental health is real. And I need you guys to know that you are not your negative thoughts.
- [83:39]
A
Yeah.
- [83:40]
B
You are not those things. So don't listen, unplug for a little bit and remember who the you are. Remember who the you are and move forward. That was really a really emotional topic for me. I've never talked about that. Never opened up about that on my social media. Cause it just all happened this year. I almost and even want to do it. But I was like, I need to tell my story. Because I know that at least maybe I helped one fucking person today. 1.
- [84:03]
A
What do you feel like has helped you cope with, like, those feelings or those thoughts? Like, for anyone watching that might feel like, you know, they're in that situation as well right now.
- [84:11]
B
It's a really good question, Alan. I would say what's helped me a lot? And this is just my honest answer. I'm not just trying to fucking sound cliche here or like a Pinterest quote, but what has helped me a lot, first and foremost, God, God. I started reading my Bible. God, God, God, God, God, God, God. Secondly, my family, they Are my rock. They are God, my family. My family. My family, my family. This is why I bust my ass to take care of them and why I will always. Because they show up for me when I. When I need them the most. This is hard positive thinking. I still think very negatively sometimes about myself. Not like my appearance, but like my mental health. Health positive thinking. I have to remind myself I'm okay. I'm not in danger. Everything is not all my fault. I am not a burden. Everything is not on my fault. I am not a burden. I am loved. I am not my past. I am not my past mistakes. I am not what I did in survival mode. I am, I am here now. I I positive thinking. And the gym. A lot of people go to the gym for like a tight little body. Okay. Like, that's one of my goals. Don't get me wrong. Like, this ass is not going to grow itself. But, like, aside from that, I also go because, my God, it helps your mental health because you get like so much, like, good dopamine and like that. You know, Talking to multiple therapists has helped me a lot. You only need one, really. But I'm just, I do too much, right? I'm like, I go all out. I invest in my mental health. Talking to so many therapists and getting validation from them has helped me so much. If you need help, get help. There's no shame in that. Also, I don't really take this too much. But another sensitive thing, like, I'm on anxiety medication now and I only take it, like, as needed. That has helped. And one thing about me, you cannot shame me for getting help. Yes, I've been to, you know, I've been to multiple therapists. Yes, I'm on anxiety medication. Yes, I've had to go to a mental hospital before, like in 2019, which they checked me out that same night. Yes, I've had all types of help. And that's okay because unlike other people, I can be loud and proud about my struggles. Like, what the fuck are you to shame me? Like, I struggle and that's okay. There's also moments. Right. Don't struggle and that's okay. And last but not least, not that they're like on the bottom of like the list or. No, working also was a huge one for me. Like me working a lot.
- [86:20]
A
Busy.
- [86:20]
B
Thank you. Staying busy, like, will get you. And you were just saying that will get you out of your head. And also having not a lot, but good friends.
- [86:30]
A
Yeah.
- [86:30]
B
That are there to be. Like, just uplift you. You don't need 10 friends. 15. You just need one. One good friend. You don't need a whole room full of who don't even like you anyway. You just need one good friend that's like, hey, I love you. You through all your seasons of life, all the layers you peel off, I'm your ride or die. Really. Just a good support system. Somebody to talk to, Jim. God. And positive, positive affirmations. That's important.
- [86:54]
A
And I love that you're not ashamed, you know, to be open about that. Because we're taught. I feel like as kids, you know, I feel like growing up, you know, there's people even, including myself, that have struggled with depression since very young. You know, you hear like, lot, like, we're almost. As an adult, you kind of grow up to be like, you know what? That's not important. Like, put it to the side. Put it this side. It's not important. Like, get to work, do this, go do that. And I feel like as we get older, it is our responsibility to, like, get that help if we feel like we can't do it ourselves or even just talk about our feelings because we suppress so much. And I feel like that's where most of the. Of the pain is, because we're scared of the judgment. We're scared of like, oh, you're sad about that girl. I've been through us. I don't care what you've been through.
- [87:42]
B
Like, exactly. Don't minimize my pain because you think yours is bigger.
- [87:45]
A
How important do you think that is, you know, for anyone watching to really, if they feel some type of way, don't let you know, any comments like that, get to them or really seek out for help because that will make them feel and be better.
- [87:58]
B
Right? So you have to remember that not to be rude to anybody's parents. You know, like, I have my own parents. Parents. But like, the whole goal is to not be like your mom or be like your dad or be like whoever raised you. The whole point is to take good things from them and also realize, like, hey, hey, hey, that. That. That's not right. That wasn't good. So while you're right, like, we are taught to, like, shut the up how you said, oh, you're sad. Well, why are you sad? You have food on the table. Like, well, what the. You. You have a good life, like, embracing. You're angry, angry. Be that you're sad, cry. You're not too emotional. And I. Alan, I. I just love your perspective on all these topics because, like, you really hit the nail on the Head. It's just like a lot of people will be like, well people are going through worse things. Well, some people just lost their this. Some people don't minimize my pain because you think that their pain is bigger. People just want to feel seen, heard and validated. So be around people who truly just embrace all of your seasons of life, who don't judge you, who validate your pain, validate your happiness. You know what I mean? And understand that just because mommy and daddy says, oh well, mental health isn't real doesn't mean that's right. If remember when we were kids and we told our parents oh, but I want to get a piercing because my friend has it.
- [89:21]
A
Right.
- [89:21]
B
Same rule applies. Lies. Not everything they say should be taken. So because your parents don't take mental health serious, does that mean you shouldn't. No. Be different. Be. Be better. Be you do things differently for yourself whether you want kids or not. Break the family generational curse. Be okay with being not liked. Be okay with being judged. Be okay with being the black sheep. Why are you trying to be liked by people who don't even like themselves? Like, be so for real.
- [89:47]
A
Yeah.
- [89:47]
B
You are not your negative thoughts. You are not your past. You are not your parents. You are not your anxiety. You are not whatever you suffer with mentally like you are you. You know what I mean? And there is nothing wrong with asking for help. There is nothing wrong with being loud and proud of because you know what? Why the. Here's my question. I have a question. Why do. Which as it should be celebrated. Why do we celebrate? Oh, they graduated. Oh, they're engaged. Yeah, they just got married. Why don't we start congratulating who who woke up today small wins. Who People who have social anxiety. Who who went to the grocery store today and talk to a person. Why don't we start celebrating each other? Celebrate your little wins and don't think that you shouldn't be celebrated because people don't agree that your wins are actually wins. Like again the positive self talk. Talk to yourself. Nice. Learn how to do that. I'm learning how to do that. You know what? What the else I did, I got a bunch of post it notes. I hung it up all over my master bedroom, all over my my restroom. And I was was like, you are that.
- [90:48]
A
You are not your did that once, dude. Because she was struggling a lot and one day I went to her restroom. I'm like, oh, what's all this girl? And it was like, you're beautiful. You're worth it. You're Worthy. And it's like those little things that will make you feel better is what matters. Because it's about you.
- [91:05]
B
Yes. Because you're how you said. Like, if you're an overthinker, like, your brain's gonna creep up the minute there's silence.
- [91:10]
A
You ain't like. Like, you big back.
- [91:13]
B
Like, you know, like, you're great. Yeah, yeah. So when you overthink, you look up. Oh, oh, wait, No, I am beautiful. What does that one say? I forgot what I put that. What is that?
- [91:21]
A
Yeah.
- [91:22]
B
Oh, okay. I have a fatty. Oh, okay. Like, you have to put posters all over your house if you have to, to really remind yourself, like, I am that. And your power is that you are you. And while everybody can, like, mimic you and copy you and do all these things, there's still only one Allen, bro. One Allen. No matter who copies this, there's only one Solis and there's only one of you. And while you're hating yourself, you are literally hating the fact that that is your power. So toughen the up. I toughen the up. Remember who the you are. And understand that God's not done with you. You're. You cannot be done with you. You cannot. You know, that's just my. My humble.
- [92:07]
A
And I know people at home. Because I do feel like we're talking and touching real life things that really a lot of people struggle with. And I'm so glad that you're being an advocate for everything that we've talked about. How and when were you like, you know what. What were the early content creating days? Like?
- [92:47]
B
Since I was a little girl, I always knew, like, I was like, mommy, I want to be famous. Mommy, I wanted and like, my entire life, like, if y' all dig deep enough on YouTube, which I'm sure some of you can send it to me. I've been posting videos on YouTube since I was, like, 10. You remember MySpace?
- [93:02]
A
Yes.
- [93:02]
B
I was MySpace famous, okay? It was me and Jeffree star that were MySpace friends. They don't remember. I changed them every day. You pissed me out. But I was from MySpace. Famous was. I only had, like, 30, 000 followers, but MySpace famous to. I was on. There was an app called viddy. I don't remember if you guys remember that. It was like a Vine. It was viddy. And that was before Vine. I went to try to try out for the voice, Declined American idol. They declined me. Like, I tried out their. Like, no. I tried out for the movie burlesque, Declined. I tried out after the burlesque Movie came out to try out for something else regarding Burlesque. Declined. Everything was declined. And I was like, nah, bitch, because I know there's something in here. No, no, no. I'm not gonna let your nose make me feel like I ain't good enough. Like, no to you, but yes to me. So I've been trying my whole life, basically, like, literally my entire life. And then Instagram came. So then I actually just by posting selfies, because do you remember Instagram? It was only an app for pictures. Videos was not. Not an option. I started posting pictures, and I gained a hundred thousand followers by just being sexy.
- [94:03]
A
You know what I mean?
- [94:04]
B
I was like, oh, you just like, like me and. Okay, so I was like, I'm like a little IG model. So, like, dulu. I really thought I was an IG model, right? I was like, modeling and, you know, doing my thing in my little lingerie. I'm. I'm a very spicy person, right? So I get 100,000 followers by doing that. And then Instagram came out with their fucking gomosuyama. The videos were over 15 seconds long. So I was like, like, ooh, you know what? Well, I know I look good. I know I look a little good. I was like, I'm more than that. Like, because I have a bit. I always knew I had a big personality. Like, I could dance, I could. I think I could sing. I could do, like, little things here and there.
- [94:37]
A
It's versatile, right?
- [94:39]
B
Exactly, exactly. So then I was like, I'm gonna post a video, a funny video. I think it's funny about haters. So I was at my mom's house that night when I made that decision. This decision changed my life. You're always one decision away from a completely different life. Just remember that. Good or bad, one decision away. Make the right one. So we're sitting there, my mom's table, kitchen table, and I was like, I'm gonna go to your garage really quick. I'm gonna film a video. She was like, hey. I was like, I'll be right back. So I go my mom's garage. And I was like, my video was so cringe. I was like, you corny bitch. I started recording. It's. Oh, yeah. Okay.
- [95:10]
A
You're gonna say okay. Oh, you, like, do the homework, Alan.
- [95:13]
B
Go all the way down. It's there.
- [95:14]
A
That could be hella videos. I'm gonna look it up, dude.
- [95:17]
B
I swear. I was in the garage and I held the phone and I was like, when haters comment on my stuff, you okay?
- [95:26]
A
You're not like, this is my big one.
- [95:32]
B
So then it was only 52nd song and I was like, I made like the rat face and that's where that became my thing. And then all the comments, all the comments are like, you're better when you just shut the up and take pictures. Because by then I had a hundred thousand followers. It was just mostly men just being like, like we.
- [95:47]
A
Like, this is how you sound.
- [95:49]
B
Oh, so this bitch actually talks. And all the comments were just negative. They're like, hey, you might want to just stick to like taking pictures. Like, we're not here for this content. And I was like, did I ask why the you're here? Okay. So then I was like, I could h. I could either one be like, you're right. Yeah, I'm gonna give you what you want. I'm you the up. Or I be. I could do option B, which is what I've always done, and I'm gonna do what the I want. So I did what the I want. And from there I just started posting comedy videos every day and I kind of slowed down on the self selfies and then they started popping the off. I was making all types of videos. And my thing is I don't give a if you're laughing at me or you're laughing with me as long as you're laughing. That's always been my goal. I don't give a if you think I'm corny and you're laughing because I'm corny, you're laughing. And by doing that, that's how I created this empire. And then from there I was like, but I'm also motivational. I wonder that. But I'm also this and the hard part. And I'm sure you understand that with Brandos you're like, okay, well, if we're gonna pitch you to brands, like what? Like what exactly are you. Like, you need to give us something. Like, are you a comedian? Are you that? And I'm like, I am everything. And if brands don't like it, I will find another way to make money. Yeah, right. And I've always just been that way and it's worked. But imagine if that day one decision away from me, like, all the haters are right. I'm like, suck my ass. I'm going to keep fucking posting. And I kept doing it. And I'm sure a lot of people don't like my content. But. But a. From my perspective, the love always outweighs the hate. It always outweighs the hate. So if you want to be A content creator. Like, always remember that you will get hate comments.
- [97:22]
A
Yeah.
- [97:23]
B
But the love will always outweigh the fudgeing hate. You just have to just fudge do it.
- [97:28]
A
You know, you ever have people during that time that were, like, I said, like, no matter to Tempo.
- [97:36]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [97:36]
A
Who? Or if you don't want to say what were things that were getting told to you and at that moment where you're like, you know what? Maybe they're right. Like, maybe let me go get a job. Or, like, what was that experience like for you?
- [97:47]
B
Well, grateful again, Alan, with his great questions period. So I actually did, like, I had a lot of, like, regular jobs when I was on that app called Vidi. I worked at. My first job was at Domino's. I quit after four hours. This called. Had a very complicated order. I was like, oh, no. I don't know what the. What pineapple on what corner. I'm out. I quit. Then I worked at Chuck E. Cheese for a few months. I. I was Chucky. Okay, that's just.
- [98:11]
A
Wait, you were the mascot?
- [98:12]
B
Smell like a. Yeah, it was like, I guess, whatever. You. Not me going. Out of the question. But, like, when you first, like, work there, they make you be Chucky. I would. I was Chucky then. I worked at Chic Shoes, and I worked at New York and Company. I got hired at Baskin Robbins, but I never went. So I had, like, regular jobs for a while, actually. And then. Oh, my God. The question. What the fuck was the question?
- [98:32]
A
Question. Did you ever have doubters that were like, stick to your regular job?
- [98:35]
B
I won't say who, but there was quite a few people in my family that were like, you know, you're not gonna be anything without school. You're gonna be homeless. And I'm like, old tough. Because I don't like school. And I'm not gonna force myself to sit in school if I don't like it. School is for some people, but it's not for everybody. There was one person in my family, they were like, okay, cool, nice plan. You want to be famous? What's your plan plan B? I was like, my plan? No, I have a plan A. They're like, no, what's your plan B? When it doesn't work? I was like, okay, plan B is plan A, and then plan C is plan B. I hope that clears things up a bit. So I always believed in myself because you have to be delusional to me. You have. You. That's when people call me delusional, I'm like, yeah, you have to be delusional, to actually make like this happen happen, you have to have a different brain where people would never think twice to do it. So yeah, man, that's just kind of how that went.
- [99:31]
A
I also feel like going back to the story of like when you started blowing up, that's when I was like, oh my God, how do you know? Right? Yeah. Been us least rose fan.
- [99:41]
B
Thank you.
- [99:41]
A
And I feel like with your videos, Like they would make me laughing. I'm like how the did she come up with this? And I feel like as you know now that I follow you, like I've been following you for so long. You're always talking about like you plan a lot of your stuff now. Now it's like, okay, this is not no more for funsies. Like I have to sit down, gather my ideas. What video do I want to do now? And even now with the amount of years you've been in the game, do you feel like it's gotten harder for you to create videos? What is that whole process? Like I want to pick your brain. How does this solic my mind work? Like what goes into like what do you be like right here? Like, oh you know what, Like I'm gonna make a skit about podcast or like what's your mind?
- [100:26]
B
15 video ideas in here. Just because it's a new scenery that I've never been around. So I do plan out my stuff actually, but I also don't. It's like when I'm in bed or like I can't sleep, I bring out my notes and I get a random idea. Or like you know when you're watching a show and you think it's funny? I'm like, I'm gonna recreate that. I write that down. Or if I'm doing something where I can't film in the moment, I'm like, I write it down. I'm notes.
- [100:45]
A
Yeah.
- [100:45]
B
So like my sister in law can tell you like I always have like my notes but for the most part my entire team can back me up on this. Any video you have ever seen has never been planned. So I actually don't really plan on my.
- [100:57]
A
Yeah, which I can say I can agree with that because usually they know that I like to be like, I even get on calls before, like hey, what are we going to talk about? What's the vibe give me? And she was like, I don't even want to see your pictures.
- [101:09]
B
Tell them whatever.
- [101:10]
A
You offered me the question. Yeah. She was like, girl, don't even worry about it. Cuz I was Texting her last night. Like, girl, I'm working on them right now. I'll send them to you tonight. She was like, it's fine, babe. Go to sleep.
- [101:20]
B
I don't want to see the questions. I'd rather be put on the spot.
- [101:22]
A
Yeah.
- [101:22]
B
That's just my type of thing. And I. Again, I think it's because maybe just the fucking brain that I have. I don't know. But I've never planned out my lines. I don't know what I'm gonna say. I had my phone. I click. They click record. And I'm like, he gonna get your phone. Get my ladies.
- [101:36]
A
Go kill me.
- [101:36]
B
Like, I'm just like, snap in. So it. You know, but like, it's a. I have a creative brain.
- [101:41]
A
Yeah.
- [101:41]
B
If I planned out my. I would fail. If you actually sent me those questions last night and I actually read through it, I would be like, I don't want to say.
- [101:50]
A
It wouldn't have been the episode that we're having right now.
- [101:52]
B
Absolutely not. Because I don't want to plan my. If I plan my, I'm gonna fail at my. I want to be put on the spot. I want to be put under pressure, because I work well under pressure, so. And to answer your question, do I feel like it's been harder now being in the game. Game to create? Absolutely not. I mean, as of recently, yes. The past, like, while in my life, very hard, because, like, the mental health things that I'm going through. But if I wasn't going through these little things right now that I'm still trying to get through. No, like, when you're an og, you're an og, too. Like, it comes naturally. And the thing about being myself is that, like, I don't have to copy nobody else. I don't have to mimic their personality and do this and have. I'm gonna do that, and I'm gonna be like her, and I'm gonna wear what she's wearing, and I'm gonna dye my hair that color, and I'm. I'm gonna be Celis Rose, and Which that means looking absolutely unhinged on camera.
- [102:41]
A
Yeah.
- [102:41]
B
So I don't plan out my. I'd rather be put on the spot at any day or time. So it's not hard at all, honestly.
- [102:47]
A
Comolia says, you know, to. Like we said, you've been in the game for so long, and I feel like, you know, you've done a great job at that, like, remaining relevant of still creating, which I feel like you don't see that too much. You know, what has that been like? Have you ever had moments where you're like, you know what? Like, I'm done with this social media. Like, I don't even know where I want to go right now. But then you snap yourself back at it. How hard or how easy has it been able for you to maintain yourself and that relevancy all these years?
- [103:18]
B
I love what I do. Let's just, like, not even get that twisted. Like, I. I love what the fuck I do. But again, going through, like, my mental health stuff as of recent, like, beginning of. Beginning of January, I was like, I'm just gonna delete my Instagram. I. God is my witness, I was, like, so down bad, where I was, like, one button away from clicking delete account because I was so stressed out. And I was like,
- [103:45]
A
it's a lot of pressure, too.
- [103:46]
B
Yeah. Yeah. But then I thought to myself, hold on, hold on, pause. Is social media isn't stressing you out, it's outside things that are stressing you out. So why do you have to go and remove the things that actually bring you life? Right? So, yeah, like, I've had certain moments as of recently, but other than that, like, no. Like, I love what the I do. I love being on camera. I love. I like entertaining people, whether you like me or not. Like, I don't fucking care. Like, I really, really, really enjoy it. And again, the perk of. Of being myself is that it's forever and always going to be easy to create because I don't have to sit here and mimic people for the rest of my life to be liked. Or I don't have to. I don't have to be like, no, no shade, no tea, whatever. I don't have to be like a lot of other influencers where I always have to be in drama to be talked about. Oh, this person was this. And they were about talking. Like, you. You will never see me in drama. Because one thing about me, I stay in my lane, I stay in my bed, I stay in my bag. I stay in the gym.
- [104:50]
A
Yeah.
- [104:52]
B
I don't have to be one of those people. And that's what I love. Like, I feel like you're the same way.
- [104:54]
A
Like, you.
- [104:55]
B
You do your thing, but I never see you in drama either.
- [104:59]
A
People want to be Carme. I'm like, I'm not gonna give you the time of day.
- [105:01]
B
Exactly.
- [105:02]
A
I'm like, girl, I have bigger things to want. Worry about them. Like an Instagram beef or whatever the it is. You know what I mean?
- [105:09]
B
Like, there's better Things to do and like, exactly. Like that's how, how you are. Like, that's how I am. Like, I never want to be that person where I much rather in like when I'm 80. Not, not. Not yet. I much rather fall off naturally than always have to create drama and talk about people and this and that. And can you believe she threw shade? Like, oh, no, I'd rather just get no views than be that type of bitch.
- [105:31]
A
Do you think it's important to reinvent yourself as the years as a creator, even though you're still yourself? Because. Okay, so when I first started, you know, doing social media for my family out there, I started off in the beauty space. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know.
- [105:45]
B
Yeah, we know.
- [105:46]
A
Okay.
- [105:47]
B
Oh, gee.
- [105:48]
A
Well, for those.
- [105:48]
B
Look at.
- [105:48]
A
No, I started in the. In the beauty space. I had a whole ass collection at Ulta, you know, worldwide. In the beauty space with Laura Geller had a highlighter. Yeah, look it up, I'll send it to you.
- [106:00]
B
I was sitting next to a celebrity.
- [106:03]
A
No, girl, that's how I feel about you. But where I'm going with that is I started the beauty space after high school, got with my boyfriend, gained over a hundred pounds. And because back then I wasn't very much a personality person. I was. The beauty space back then was so if you're pretty, if you're skinny, if you have the look, that's it. And you know what I mean. So when I gained a lot of weight because I wasn't, you know, showing off my personality, it was just like little makeup tutorials with like music over it. Or when I would show my personality, it would be very much like, Right, right. Gained a lot of weight. Kind of had my fall off moment where I'm like, people weren't following me. Like, who the is this fat ass that is on my feet? Like, I would get comments like that. Like, I gained so much weight that a lot of people would unfollow me every single time I posted. Because it wasn't that glam beauty boy that they used to. To follow type shit. Right? Then I got into vlogging, which I feel like the vlogging is where I really made a name for myself. And that's where the familia Metiche came in. Right. I started doing a lot of vlogs, so I became very known for that. Then the podcast came into my life years ago.
- [107:04]
B
Who doesn't know about Alan's podcast?
- [107:06]
A
You know, it's so funny and I've said this so many times before because I built such A strong community on YouTube. I used to post Monday through Friday for years straight, straight, like a YouTube video. When I started doing the podcast, yeah, I gained an even bigger audience, right. And I used to get annoyed when people were like, oh my God, you're the guy with the podcast. Or oh my God, you have that podcast. And I'm like, no. Like I'm the guy that makes all those daily vlogs or family. And I used to get so annoyed. Like, learn to appreciate the season of your life. Like this project came into your life and even though that's not all you are. Like, learn to appreciate, learn to ride the wave, you know, and that's where I'm going with you. Like, do you feel like as a content creator that's been doing this for so long, do you feel like you've had to reinvent yourself or put your shoes over here? Because I know you do a lot. You did music at one point. How important is it as a creator to reinvent yourself over the, the years?
- [108:07]
B
I mean, maybe I'm just like very close minded, which I don't think I am. I'm actually a very open minded person. I'm like, you know, I don't feel it's necessary for me to reinvent myself, but I do think you got to keep up with the fucking times. Like I just now passed all of my requirements to become a streamer. I don't really care to stream. I don't really care to go live for eight hours. Like, I love, love it because my supporters, like, they're funny.
- [108:37]
A
As I've been seeing you a lot of lives. Yes.
- [108:41]
B
You know, I've been talking, you know, which it's once I'm on, it's fun. What I'm saying is while it's fun, like I didn't want to.
- [108:46]
A
Yeah.
- [108:46]
B
Like I'd rather make my skits. But it's not about what you rather do. It's about that you better do what the people want to see while still being your self to make sure you, it's not a trade off and then you're happy, you know, So I haven't reinvented myself tonight yet. Maybe after all this trauma I'm going through.
- [109:03]
A
Think you have true. Like maybe you're just doing it because it's so natural to you. Like, oh, I am still the same Celis. But like I've done things different the last year. Like maybe you just don't realize it. But like, even when I think you're onto something, I think it's like that like, our mind sentence. You're like, oh, well, no, I've been doing it. But it's like even just those little things that you're like, oh, you know what? Like, like you said the live streams. I would have never. But look at me now.
- [109:28]
B
Like now I fucking love it. You know what? That's actually so fucking true because I do get confident comments randomly. I'm like, on my, like, lives or when I post a picture. Hey, Celis, I'd love to see your growth throughout the years. I. I love the way that you've grown as a person. I'm like, really?
- [109:46]
A
Like, what do you mean?
- [109:48]
B
So you're so right sometimes. But that all goes to the positive talk. Sometimes we're so hard on ourselves and we're like, I haven't grown. I'm not doing enough. I'm not this. The whole time you are evolving, even through the pain, through the trauma, through the struggles, through the downs, through God breaking you up. And you think you're just a sad little. But really you're inspiring people. So maybe I have evolved. I don't.
- [110:11]
A
Because I used to, like I said, going back to like when I used to get annoyed when people would be like, you're the podcast guy. I used to be like, no, there's more to me. But like, I'm so grateful and happy that a lot of people have found me with my podcast and then maybe they've enjoyed my own other content. Cuz I still do vlogs. Not as often. I know a lot of you guys are like harassing me in the comments. Like, when's the next vlog? The last time I posted was like a year ago. Not a year ago. I'm sorry, a month ago. A month ago. But I'll get. But it's like you kind of have to ride the wave and I enjoy what I do. And I've always been a talker. I was telling fun fact, you guys, when I filmed with Cease for her podcast,
- [110:46]
B
which that was the only podcast video that went viral, by the way. Because it's. No, I swear to God, because it's you. But.
- [110:52]
A
Right. What am I saying the whole time? I'm so sorry. Am I talking too much? Am I doing too much? Like, because I get in my head too much too. And I feel like that's why too. I feel. You know what it is? I think I have adhd. My mind is always everywhere. But then I'm like, okay, I'm over here, grab this.
- [111:06]
B
Yeah.
- [111:06]
A
And when I filmed with her, I was very Much like, oh, I'm so sorry. I don't even know where the I was going with this. But what I'm going is, like, that I've learned to really appreciate the season of my life, because at the end of the day, it's growth. It's what we're doing now.
- [111:18]
B
That's it.
- [111:19]
A
And even you, like, let's say a year ago, you're like, I'm not doing podcasts right now. But even this is growth in the sense of, like, well, now I feel ready. Now I'm going to tackle these.
- [111:28]
B
You have. You can't just always do what the fuck is comfortable because your brain will always tell you to stay comfortable. Your brain will always be like, no, we're in danger. No, you have gym anxiety. No, no, no, no. This is unsafe. Like, really, like, you're fine.
- [111:43]
A
Yeah.
- [111:43]
B
And just if you just do the things you don't want to do that are good for you, it will make you evolve and grow in ways you could have never fucking imagined. So. Oh, my God. I fucking agree with that statement, dude.
- [111:53]
A
What are the pros and cons for you of being on social media?
- [111:56]
B
Cons is a lot of unwanted opinions. I didn't fucking ask for, but it's okay. They're there. You know, a lot of unwanted opinions. A lot of assumptions about my life. Like, Celis, is that. Celis, is that. That she's this. I wonder who she's like, she's. I don't. I don't give. I never respond. I'm not gonna give the time of day. I don't give a. Maybe you can relate to this one. I feel like you have to, like, try to look your best.
- [112:16]
A
Yeah.
- [112:16]
B
Because in the times where I have even gained a little bit of weight, like, I gained, like, almost.
- [112:20]
A
You've been vocal about that.
- [112:22]
B
All my comments. Hey, yo, Selis looks healthy as you're like, hey, yo, Selise, you've been eating, huh? I'm like, yo, like, I like. I like canes a lot.
- [112:34]
A
Why?
- [112:35]
B
Like, so I feel like it's also kind of a lot of pressure to make sure I'm, like, always, like. Because, like, those comments, like, if I. If for me, personally, don't. If I don't keep up with myself, like, people will call it out, and that's a lot of pressure. But I also like to keep myself up. So it's really not a lot of pressure. You know what I mean?
- [112:49]
A
It's like a reminder of where you already pressure yourself. Oh, that's true.
- [112:52]
B
Yeah, exactly. And Then I would say, like, obviously the haters. But again, I could care less because whether you don't like me or not, like, I don't see. See you unclicking away. I don't see you not watching me. Even if you're talking about me in your little group chat with your little roach friends, like, you're still talking about me, you know?
- [113:09]
A
And you'll be the first to see every single post I post. Yeah.
- [113:13]
B
Also, a lot of things that maybe you can relate to is we. In a way, this is why I act the complete opposite. You have to, like, be perfect on social media so you don't get canceled. Oh, my God. If you're on social media, you have to make sure you just shut the up. You don't curse, you don't to have. Have a past. And you're. Oh, I don't care. I have a past. What are you gonna do? Like, okay, like that. So I try not to let that thought into my head too, too much. Because I'm like, whether you cancel me or not, like, I'm still here. I'm over here. You can't get rid of me. Like, you can't. Like, it's fine because of my supporters, like, you guys that, like, my share, my follow me, all the that you guys do. Because of you guys, I am able to. To do what I do. I am able to provide for my family. I am able to build an empire. I am able to have fans all over the, like, dead as the world. Because of you guys. I have like 60 million people, like, who follow me. Like, none of this is possible without my fan base. Absolutely none. And if you're somebody, I'm gonna talk my real quick. If you are a influencer or a celebrity and you say no to pictures in public. Public, you're kind of. You're kind of. Because everybody needs their supporters. Buy my merch. Buy this. Buy this. Follow me, support me. And they want a picture. I'm at dinner, Eat dinner at home. Then I don't give a. Like, I. Only time I'll ever say no to pictures is when I'm like, at a funeral, which I've been asked.
- [114:38]
A
Yeah.
- [114:38]
B
Or I'm like, in the hospital. Other than that, I'm like, without your supporters, there's nothing. So that is the ultimate. The, the biggest pro is having of people who actually watch my unhinged ass. And they're like, yo, I with this bitch. You know, Proximo, if God allows it, career wise, I would say get into music even more. I Want to eventually do motivational speeches on stage. Like TED Talks. Yes. Like in stadiums. And like, see the first hundreds and thousands of people. More. Do more with my comedy. Just everything I'm doing right now, but like times 10. I want to be everywhere doing everything. I just, I'm always, like, in competition with myself. Like, I don't know, do you ever post a story and you go back and look at it, like, over and
- [115:33]
A
over and over and over and over? Okay, that was funny. How can you be funnier?
- [115:37]
B
Yeah, yeah, exactly. I mean, I'm like, I'm always in competition with myself. Like, I'm just like, I. I'm obsessed with myself for the most part. And I'm like, cool. So if you hit 19.5 million followers by the end of the year, let's try to do like at least 22 million, 21 million. And it's like always, like, I just always want to be better at whatever the I'm doing. And I never want to stop boxing myself out. Y' all might see me be a boxer one day. I don't know what influencer y' all want me to buy. Like, I want to do everything. You know what I mean? I just want to be the best version of myself because I never know when my last day is, like, on this earth, you know? And I want to make sure that I truly live my life the way that I wanted to. You know what I mean? Family wise, still don't want kids. And I just want to be that rich auntie and like, like, just take care of my family. That fills my soul. Being, Being the provider, being like, I, I got these. I got you guys. What is what. Where do you see yourself in five years?
- [116:28]
A
I love this because you know what? I usually will get sometimes. Like, Alan, this play is not about you. Shut up. Show.
- [116:38]
B
I'm against.
- [116:38]
A
No, I feel like I see myself like yourself thriving in whatever the I'm doing.
- [116:43]
B
That's it.
- [116:44]
A
I feel like I've learned to really, like, you know, go with God's plan. Don't, like, box yourself. Don't just do this, continue doing that. And I just want to thrive and be happy. I feel like happiness is really like the motive. Like, no matter how much money, no matter how much success, I feel like being happy men. And we've talked about this all the episodes. Like, mental health is really important. And I don't know, I think, you know what, I'm always asking that same question to everyone, but I feel like I never really sit down and like, answer myself and I'm like, what is Alan gonna be doing in five years? I wanna take this podcast to maybe even tv. Maybe even.
- [117:26]
B
There's no maybe you're going to do it.
- [117:30]
A
But I really do just want to be happy and thriving and doing what the I love, which is creating content, telling stories. I feel like with the podcast, I've always been a storyteller, but I feel like with the podcast, it's really shaped me and made me see things at a whole different way because I get so many perspectives, I get so many stories, and I'm healing through my guests. Like, I'll. I'll hear a story. I'm like, wow. Like, I feel so seen. Or like, whatever wisdom you can share, I'm like, I apply it to myself too. Or I'll be like, you know what? Like, maybe I act this way because generational trauma or whatever it is. So I feel like, for me, I love that the podcast has also healed me. And it's.
- [118:08]
B
I never thought about that. I think it's done.
- [118:10]
A
And you know what's so crazy?
- [118:11]
B
It's longer than a therapy session, literally.
- [118:13]
A
And I. Healing every time, I'm just like, or I'll go home. I'm like, wow. Like, this person really has gone through hell and back, and they're still here. And not that I try to compare myself, but then sometimes, like, I can do it too. Like, absolutely. Don't let whatever you're going on in your head, make that stop you from believing in yourself, accomplishing your dreams. And I feel like for me, the podcast has really, I want to say, like, healed me in a lot of ways. And I feel like, you know, the conversation today.
- [118:40]
B
I love, loved all these episodes.
- [118:47]
A
Because you're a hustler. You're hard working, and like you said, that's your talent, and that's what makes you. You. Go and follow her right now. I'll leave all her links down below as well as on the screen right here, right now. Ita. So you guys will miss any future episodes. And with that being said, thank you so much for being here.
- [119:13]
B
Thank you so much. Y' all better share his podcast everywhere. Best podcast you've ever seen. Okay, thank you, Alan. Thank you to you and to your beautiful team for even having me. I know people would die to be on this show, so thank you for allowing me to be here. I appreciate your time. Thank you guys for watching.
- [119:31]
A
And with that being said, we'll see you guys in the next one. Bye, guys. Yeah, you did so good.
- [119:47]
B
Think Verizon is expensive. Think again. Anyone can bring their AT&T or T mobile bill to a Verizon store today and we'll give you a better deal. So bring us your bill. Walking, running, Hogo, sticking, television. Teleport. If you can ride on the back of a rollerblading yak or flying on the wings of a majestic falcon. Any way you can bring your AT&T or T mobile bill to a Verizon store today and we'll give you a better deal on the best network based on RouteMetric's best overall mobile network performance. US second half 2025 all rights reserved. Must provide very recent postpaid consumer mobile bill in the name of the person redeeming the deal. Additional terms, conditions and restrictions apply.
- [120:19]
A
The wrongs you must right. The fights we must win. The future we must secure together for our nation. This is what's in front of us. This determines what's next for all of us. We are marines. We were made for this. And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mut. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.
- [121:00]
B
Hey, everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?
- [121:03]
A
Oh, no. We help people customize and save on
- [121:05]
B
car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird. Yeah, the bird looks out of your league anyways.
- [121:12]
A
Only pay for what you need@libertymutual.com Liberty.
- [121:15]
B
Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.