← Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized
Stei Talks All: Coming Out, Bullying, Bestie Drama, CHISME & MORE!!
01:00:42
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- [00:03]
A
As a raider scavenging a derelict world.
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B
You settle into an underground settlement.
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A
But now you must return to the.
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B
Surface, where arc machines roam. If you're brave enough, who knows what you might find.
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A
Arc Raiders, a multiplayer extraction adventure video game. Buy now for PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X and S and PC rated T.
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B
For teen Black Friday savings are here at the Home Depot, which means it's time to add new cordless power to your collection. Right now, when you buy a select battery kit from one of our top brands like Ryobi or Milwaukee, you'll get a select tool from that same brand for free. Click into one of our best deals of the season and stock up on tools for all your upcoming projects. Get Black Friday savings happening now at the Home Depot.
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A
Limit one per transaction.
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B
Exclusions apply. Full eligible to list in store and online. The whole situation with him leaving, it just became like a he said, she said thing. And again, like, we do social media, so it's like people have their questions, rumors just start to spread, and you have to address the rumors and it just becomes a whole thing. So it's like, it's so hard to keep it offline anyway because people just make up rumors. You have to adjust the rumors and end up saying what really happened.
- [01:32]
A
What is up, everyone? I'm your host, Alanized, and this is Noche de Pendejadas, your favorite podcast turn talk show.
- [01:39]
B
And.
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A
So without any further ado, please help me welcome my guest tonight. The baddest, the vicious star.
- [02:00]
B
Hello.
- [02:01]
A
How are you?
- [02:02]
B
I'm good. How are you?
- [02:03]
A
I am great. And I'm so excited to have you here with us tonight. I'm so excited that we're actually making this happen. For those of you guys that don't know, you leave. Literally. We were just talking about it. You leave tonight?
- [02:14]
B
Tonight, yeah, tomorrow. But tonight, yes.
- [02:16]
A
How have you been? How has LA been treating you? You've been out here for quite some.
- [02:19]
B
Time now, like three weeks.
- [02:21]
A
Has it been eventful?
- [02:22]
B
Very, very.
- [02:24]
A
Are you excited to go back home? What's waiting for you back home?
- [02:27]
B
My car, my room, the rest of my clothes, my family, like, everything there's like, home, right? No, I love la, but I need to go home.
- [02:34]
A
Do you feel like you would ever move out here?
- [02:36]
B
I'm actually considering it. Really? Yeah. I really want to. Yeah.
- [02:40]
A
Do you feel like you'll get homesick? A little bit.
- [02:41]
B
A little bit. But, like, it'll. I'll get over it.
- [02:44]
A
You're like, I'll get over that sickness. Ah, literally, I feel like you Know what I feel? I. Okay, maybe don't judge me, but I feel like there's nothing out there to do in North Carolina where you're from.
- [02:53]
B
There's not.
- [02:54]
A
So I feel like when you come out here, it's like a playground out.
- [02:58]
B
I mean, it's a little different because I'm from the city, I'm from Charlotte, so it's not like the country country, but it's still, like, boring. I already have more fun out here. Like, let me stay. Too much fun. I've had too much fun. I think it's time for me to go, like now.
- [03:10]
A
Like, I love it though. I love it. I feel like sometimes you need those breaks, you need those little vacations. But I'm so excited that we have you here tonight. Before we get started with all the cheeseman, tell us a little bit more of who you are and what you do for those that are watching us right now that might not know you.
- [03:24]
B
Okay, well, hi, guys. My name is sty. I'm 21 years old. I do social media, I do TikTok, YouTube, Snapchat, all that.
- [03:32]
A
And yeah, I want to start off with your childhood because I feel like it is very important to get to know you and understand you a little bit more by really starting with your roots. How was Sty growing up? Where did you grow up and how would you describe your childhood?
- [03:46]
B
I grew up in Charlotte, North Carolina. My childhood was pretty chill. Okay. I'm not really. I don't know, like, I have two siblings. I'm the oldest out of all three of us. I have a 17 year old brother now, 14 year old sister now. But do you have siblings?
- [04:03]
A
Yes, I'm the. I'm the baby.
- [04:04]
B
Oh, you're the. Okay, so you wouldn't get it. You wouldn't get it. Okay, but like, being the oldest is like you kind of have to grow up more. So it's like kind of stressful, but like, in a good way. I don't know.
- [04:13]
A
Do you feel like it builds character a little bit being the oldest? In what way?
- [04:17]
B
I just run shit. I don't know.
- [04:18]
A
I love that. And I feel like that's you now literally building you up to be that leg. How would you describe, you know, your home life? Do you feel like, you know, your parents were strict?
- [04:28]
B
Were they like loving my parents? They were definitely strict. They let up a lot off me, like growing up, but like, when I was younger, they were like, really, really strict, especially my mom. My dad didn't really care much. Like I could have literally did anything. And my dad wanted to care. Like, never. Like, even when I was younger, I could have stayed after school, went to a party, did anything, and he just. As long as I was home.
- [04:48]
A
I feel like moms usually do most of the disciplining growing up. The dads just go work, provide, and they leave all the job to the mom. Do you feel like growing up you kind of felt like, damn, my mom fucking hates me, or like, why is my mom always on my shit? Did you feel that way?
- [05:02]
B
Not that she hates. I just knew she cared because, like, she would, like, she wasn't like, too strict to the point where it was, like, mean, but it'd just be like, no.
- [05:09]
A
Like, what was something she didn't let you do growing up?
- [05:12]
B
Sleepovers. I've never had a sleepover before, but.
- [05:14]
A
I feel like that's very everyone, right? Because I feel like growing up Hispanic. I feel like our parents never let us sleep over, not even with our cousins or family. Because it's like your cousins, you never know why.
- [05:24]
B
Yeah, I had sleepovers with my cousins. Okay.
- [05:28]
A
Just not friends.
- [05:28]
B
Yeah, like, friends wise and stuff like that. But the sleepovers with your cousin, with their beds.
- [05:32]
A
How were those?
- [05:32]
B
Those are so fun.
- [05:33]
A
When do you feel like your parents started letting you go out more?
- [05:36]
B
When I turned 18. Oh, recently. A couple years ago.
- [05:40]
A
That's crazy. So they were, like, pretty strict up until, like, you were 18 and you were able to do whatever you wanted to do?
- [05:44]
B
Pretty much. But I never had, like, really the desire to do anything when I was younger anyway. Like, I was just. I didn't have any friends or anything, so I was just pretty much home.
- [05:52]
A
What's like a memory or something that would describe your childhood? Like maybe your favorite toy, a favorite show or something that you really loved doing growing up?
- [06:00]
B
I don't know. When I was younger, I loved. Wow. Wow. Wubsy Thomas the Train. That's pretty much it. Those two. I don't really remember, like, my childhood.
- [06:10]
A
Like a memory block.
- [06:11]
B
A lot of memory block and a lot of, like, stuff that happened. So it's like a lot of it. I don't remember too much of the good, if that makes sense.
- [06:18]
A
Just the bad.
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B
A lot of the bad, but not too much of the good.
- [06:21]
A
Tell us a little bit more of the bad that you do remember.
- [06:23]
B
My dad, love him a lot. Like, my dad's like the best dad ever. Could never speak bad about him, but my dad was very verbally abusive when I was younger. Even still is now, but he was very verbally abusive so there were things that he would say to me that was just like, oh, like, it would hurt, you know, They're Caribbean. My mom is Haitian, my dad is Jamaican. So, like, obviously, like, this is not in the norm for boys in their culture, like, at all. So, like, when I was younger and the way I would act, like, a lot of it, it took them by, like, surprise. Like, they weren't used to it. They had to. What's the word I'm looking for? Ease into it. Yeah, yeah, they had to ease into it. And my mom, it took her some, but she got into it. She got into it. My dad, like. Like, he didn't like it. He didn't like it at all.
- [07:06]
A
Things that he would tell you, like, don't dress like that. Don't act like that. Like your typical dad.
- [07:09]
B
Yeah. Like, don't. Don't talk, like, why do you talk like that? Why do you walk like that? Why are you standing like that? Why are you. Why are you watching this show? Why? It's like little things.
- [07:17]
A
It's like, how would that make you feel as a kid growing up?
- [07:20]
B
Upset, like, sad A little bit. But it was like, I still did it anyway. But, like, it was just like my mom didn't really care. It was really more of my dad. But, like, it still hurt. Like, coming from your parent, like, hearing that from your parent in their culture, it's not normal. So especially with me being the first son, I was the first grandson of, like, both of their family. So it was definitely like a hard pill to swallow for everyone in my family over time. Like, it was like they really. It wasn't as bad as they made it seem. You know, like, over time, my parents personally, like, you know, accepted it and, you know, we just. It is what it is now. I don't know. That whole, like. Like I said, just the whole. My whole childhood was just kind of like a. I'm. Like I said, I remember more the bad and the good, but, like, that just. I kind of like memory block from then to like 13. That's when, like, everything started, like, getting a little better. Yeah. On that end. But yeah, it was like, still just. I don't know, you know.
- [08:13]
A
I want to dive into your coming out story. You know, I feel like. Do you just share too much about that online?
- [08:19]
B
I don't feel like, the need to.
- [08:20]
A
Yeah.
- [08:20]
B
Really. But like, I honestly never really did. Like, it was just kind of like I always acted the way I did when I was younger, so it was just like. But as I got older and My parents just got more comfortable. It was just, like, I was able to ease into, like, more things and just to do things that I wanted to do. And now it's like, I'm 21. I can pretty much do whatever I want. My mom, she's like, you're not killing anyone. You're not hurting anyone. Who cares? So it's like, it could be worse. Yeah, that's what she said.
- [08:44]
A
Do you remember, like, the first moment growing up that you're like, oh, shit. Like, I'm kind of different than most boys around me? Like, do you remember, like, your gay awakening?
- [08:52]
B
Ooh, girl. Oh, what was that?
- [08:54]
A
Tell us that.
- [08:55]
B
Have you watched Lab Rats?
- [08:56]
A
No.
- [08:58]
B
Chase from Lab Rats. Chasing Adam from Lab Rats. It was on Disney xd. Like, these superhuman robot characters. I don't know, but Adam specifically. Okay, the girls that get it, get it. Adam from Lab Rats. There was this one scene where he was shirtless. Girl got me. That's what I knew. That's what I knew.
- [09:15]
A
Do you remember, like, ever, like, talking about those feelings to anyone around you? Or was that something you're like, oh, my God, let me keep it to myself.
- [09:22]
B
Throw the key away.
- [09:23]
A
Did you understand, though, like, the feeling that you were getting at the time?
- [09:26]
B
Yeah, I did, but, like, it just didn't talk about it, like, pretty much to anyone. I kind of always acted the way I do, and, like, it wasn't, you know, a shocker. Yeah, when. But it was just mainly my dad that was really the only one that kind of would try to make me something I'm not, trying to make me act something I'm not. Like, this was, like, my personality. Like, I've been like this since I was a kid, so it was like.
- [09:48]
A
Especially being also the first son. So it must have been hard for your dad. I feel like for me as a Latino, my dad was very machista growing up, right? Like, my dad, when I was showing signs of, you know, being gay, I feel like he almost would make little comments, not necessarily towards me. I always say this. Whenever he would take me to school, we'd be. Be walking. And there was this one time where there was, like, a gay little boy walking, right? And he made, like, a comment about his sexuality, something very much like, oh, it says hotel or something. All right? And I remember when he said that I wasn't out of the closet, nor was I comfortable enough to, like, tell my dad anything, I remember that I was like, oh, my God, like, if that's what he thinks about this person on the street, what The. Does he think about me? Did you have a lot of those moments?
- [10:30]
B
I had a couple of them. Like, there were, like, some things, like, my mom especially, like, she. Love her now. Love her now. But, like, especially when it came to her, anything, like the slight. Like, she could have seen a boy wearing, like, a pink shirt, like, bright pink shirt, and she just would have been like, why is he wearing that? What he got that on for? So it was like, oh, would you ever say anything? No. Because you're like, why is he wearing that? Yeah, right.
- [10:55]
A
You're like, yeah, Mom. Hi, I'm fat.
- [10:58]
B
You're all going in with me, right? Yeah.
- [11:00]
A
I feel like sometimes you kind of have to, like, either stay quiet or almost even be like. Like, you go into panic mode.
- [11:06]
B
Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. But again, that was, like, when I was much younger, after, like, 13, 14, I kind of, like, not distanced myself from my parents. But there was definitely, like. There was like, a moment where we wasn't really. I was my rebellious era, I like to say, my little. My rebellious era. I wasn't really talking to my parents or whatever. I was just kind of doing me. Yeah. But when I was, like, 13, you know, that's, like, around, like, middle school era. That's when I was kind of just figuring myself out. I feel like middle school is, like, where. Try to, like, figure. Figure yourself out. I pretty much really, really wasn't talking to my parents because they just. I feel like they didn't understand me. And I don't want to be arguing all the time. So I'm just, like, saying to myself, over the years, I think my mom realized my mom and her mom didn't really have a good relationship growing up at all. My mom was like the black sheep of her family. So I feel like she was able to somehow relate herself to me. I feel like that's how she started becoming more accepting. Cause she was different compared to her siblings. And I was pretty much in the same boat.
- [12:03]
A
Do you remember the moment that you realized and you kind of thought to yourself, like, you know what? I'm tired of, you know, not being honest with myself or with the people around me. Do you remember the moment that you told yourself, like, you know what? Fudge it. I'm going to come out of the closet. I'm going to tell my parents. How did you tell them? And how did they react at that moment?
- [12:20]
B
Honestly, I never, like, said anything. I never felt the need to. Like, I said, like, I've always kind of, like, acted the way I did, so like, to most people, pretty obvious. As I got older, I just started, like, doing more things that I felt comfortable doing. And, you know, once my parents were like, okay, there we go. Then I take it up another notch. So it's like, even now. So, like, now it's like full wig, nails, makeup. It's like it got. It got to the highest level. Like, it's not getting any higher than this, but, you know, just never really came out. Just. I feel like everyone already knew. It was just. They didn't want to accept it.
- [12:52]
A
Did they ever question you in the process? Like, hey, you know, we're seeing you're acting a little bit more flamboyant or you're doing this a little bit more. Did they ever question it?
- [13:00]
B
Yeah, the time they were like, oh, like, your nails. I was like, yeah, they cute. Like, I'm just like, deflective. Like, you don't like them. They're cute, right? I didn't really care. I was just like, I'm grown. I'm getting older. I'm gonna do what I want. I'm not living my life for you. I'm living for me. You don't accept it, then it is what it is. But. Yeah.
- [13:15]
A
When did you realize or when did you start seeing a shift in your relationship with your dad? Was there a moment where he started being a little bit more accepting?
- [13:22]
B
To be honest, me and my dad are not close at all, like, at all. Since I was a kid, like, he's always just been, like, really, like, verbally abusive and stuff like that. So we have, like, no relationship pretty much at all. Like, you know, he still lives in the house. We still live together. You know, I still talk to him here and there, but, like, my mom and my mom are, like, tight. We're like this. But when it comes to my dad, it's just kind of like, hey, like, hello.
- [13:44]
A
It's almost more just like a respect thing.
- [13:46]
B
Yeah.
- [13:46]
A
Like, you just say hi because, you know, he's your dad, but there's not really, like, an actual relationship with him.
- [13:51]
B
Yeah.
- [13:52]
A
How does that make you feel, you know, growing up, you know, not really having your dad present emotionally, how do you feel like that has affected you, you know, throughout the course of.
- [14:01]
B
I don't feel like it affected me much because I had my mom, and honestly, I feel like my mom is, like, the person I really, really needed really much. But I don't know. I don't really feel a type of way. Like, it's like, it is what it is. I feel like a lot of people aren't really close to their dad, so it's like nothing. I feel like you need a mom more than you need a dad. And the fact that I have my mom wear tight like this. I'm satisfied. I'm 100. Okay with that.
- [14:19]
A
I saw TikTok. Did your dad bought you a car, right? Or was that just that?
- [14:24]
B
Was that clickbait?
- [14:26]
A
Okay. Okay.
- [14:26]
B
You bought me a car? Yeah. No, my dad does not buy. My dad stopped buying me stuff when I was, like, 16. Yeah. Once I got my first, it was pretty much like, you're on your own.
- [14:34]
A
Figure it out.
- [14:34]
B
Yeah, and I will. On your own. I'm not gonna say like, on your own. When it came to, like, clothes and like, you know, stuff like that, which I like. Cause I feel like he gave me, like, a sense of independence, which I'm like, now it's like, really good that I have that. Cause I don't have to ask them for anything. But it's like when I was younger, it's like, okay, like, if I wanted something, like, it was either I had to work for it. I wasn't getting it at all. Like, 16. It was like. Yeah.
- [14:56]
A
How was it like growing up in North Carolina being so openly gay? Do you feel like it was kind of scary? Did you ever experience any type of homophob, like, in person or even now, not just in North Carolina? Have you ever experienced any type of situation that has made you feel, like, unsafe because of your sexuality?
- [15:13]
B
Not too much. I feel like I live in the city. I live in Charlotte. So, like, it's really accepting. It's like there's a lot of gay people there. A lot of just everyone. So I feel like I don't live in, like, North Carolina, what people think North Carolina is. I don't live there like hillbilly. I don't live down there. I live in the city. So pretty much everyone's accepting over there. There's pretty much no problems. High school, though, it was like, a little different because I did go to, like, kind of like an all white school, to be honest. So, like, being black and gay was just like, not like. Hold on. Like, it's like too much. Pick one, pick one, pick one. Literally.
- [15:45]
A
How was that, you know, growing up? Do you feel like you were bullied a lot because of that?
- [15:49]
B
I was definitely bullied a lot in middle school for being gay. I feel like high school, I low key got off, like, pretty well. I feel like I like saying I only had two years of high school.
- [15:58]
A
Okay.
- [15:58]
B
Cause I went to high school during COVID So I had my freshman year, sophomore year got cut short, junior year was online and then my senior year I went back and that's when I started doing social media. So I feel like that kind of saved me in a sense because no one was fucking with me. But like at the same it was like really weird because I feel like I also like didn't get the full high school experience. Like I never got to make much friends. No one really like talked to me like ever. Oh shit. Yeah, like no one really like paid me any mind. It was just like.
- [16:24]
A
So you were kind of like a loner in school?
- [16:26]
B
Yeah, to be honest. Yeah.
- [16:30]
A
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- [18:23]
B
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A
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B
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A
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B
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A
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B
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- [18:46]
A
That's why you rack. In middle school, you were getting bullied. Tell us a little bit more about that. How did that bullying start? What did the bullying look like? Was it coming from people you knew that you called your friends, or was it coming from complete strangers?
- [18:59]
B
So my middle school, I went through a K through 8 school. So it was BAS basically, like from kindergarten to eighth grade. So I knew, like, I basically grew up with all these people. The way our school was set up, it was like elementary school. You had like, one section of the school, and then middle school was, like another section. Okay. When you're in elementary school, like, everyone's just like, you know, everyone's like, much. We're all kids, so it's like, you know, no one's thinking about anything like that. But when you get to middle school, it's like the other side of the school was like, you know, you were able to have your phones out. You're able to just like, there was a lot less restrictions. And, you know, I feel like, again with middle school, that's when you, like, figure yourself out. I'm trying to figure myself out like everyone else is. And it's just like, I don't know, like, the fact that I was so much different from everyone else. And again, it was like a white school. Like 80% white and, like 20%, like, minority, like, POC. So the fact that I was like, there wasn't much gay people there at the time either. So it was like me being, like, one of the only gay people there, black. It's just like, yeah, like, I was a target. I was a target. We would have, like, a locker. We'd have to change. And I personally never like changing in front of people. Like, it's like, it's me out. Like, I will wear my gym clothes, like, underneath my actual clothes. So I'll just like, yeah, but the other boys, like, if I was in there, they would not change everything. Like, they would wait for me to leave. They'd be like, you have to leave. Like, you have to get out. Get out. We're not changing in front of you. Like, it was like, oh, my God. Like, oh, my God. Like, it was gas.
- [20:15]
A
I've told this story before. I used to hang out with two girls in high school, and they would kind of always not get made fun of. But, like, a lot of the guys that I had for my PE Class would be guys that either they would talk to or they would kind of, like, bully the girls. You know, like, guys being guys. And I remember, too, in high school, I would never fucking change. The only reason why I passed that class was because my PE teacher liked me. But I would never fucking change because either they would say that I would be staring at the guys, or, like, they would start, like, little stupid rumors, and I'm like, bro, like, I'm not even fucking staring at y'.
- [20:45]
B
All.
- [20:45]
A
I'm like, y' all don't even look good enough to be stared at. And it's always like that, especially the boys. Do you feel like a lot of the bullying came more from the boys than girls?
- [20:52]
B
Most definitely. Most definitely girls. I. I got along with girls so well. Like, girls never had problem with it, but it was definitely the boys. And I don't know why. I don't even know why they be thinking, like, just because I'm gay does not mean I'm into you. It's like, you're not even cute.
- [21:04]
A
How did that make you feel growing up? Do you feel like being stuck in those situations where you were getting bullied? How would that make you feel? Would it ever maybe isolate yourself? Would you get depressed? How bad did it get for you?
- [21:16]
B
Not depressed, I would say, but I definitely isolated myself. I would just keep to myself. Like, I was definitely, like, a loner in. In school, just in general, like, all throughout my years of public school, so I just kept to myself. I didn't really, like, talk to people. I had, like, two friends, still talk to them now that I went to middle school and high school with both girls and those, like, the only people I talked to, like, now, for real.
- [21:37]
A
Would you ever confront, like, your bullies?
- [21:40]
B
No.
- [21:40]
A
You would just kind of take it, like, now?
- [21:42]
B
Like, would I ever confront, like, now or, like, when I would. Like, when I was. Oh, I actually do have a story about that one.
- [21:46]
A
Tell us.
- [21:48]
B
In middle school. High school. I'm sorry. My high school. I think it was my freshman year of high school. The area I lived in, because the high school I went to was, like, a magnet program. So you had to be at a certain program in order to go to that school. And, like, my high school was, like, 40 minutes away from my house. There was, like, a group, me and, like, the same group of people I went to, like, the elementary middle school with, and we would take the bus and go to school together. And one of the kids, we were like, really? And I still don't know why we were so tight in like elementary and middle school and in high school, like he completely switched up. It was like, oh, you're gay, you're gay. Like ill. You can't sit back here. So, you know. Did you ever ride the bus in high school? The back of the bus was where it was at. Yeah. So like, I would always want to sit in the back of the bus and he would be like, you cannot sit in the back of the. You can't sit here. You can't sit here. Like you gay. Like you can't sit here. And I would always just like, you know, okay, fine, like, I don't want no problems. Like, let me just sit in the middle. And one day it just wasn't. I wasn't feeling it. So I was like, you know what, I'mma sit in the back today. I sat in the back and he was basically like, you got to go. You can't sit here. You can't sit here. He was trying to like pick up my bag and throw my stuff to like the, the middle of the aisle. It was like December, so girl was cold outside. Yeah, my mom, she always gave me like a little tea or a coffee whenever I was going on the bus because like, you know, the bus didn't really have heat. Like it was cold, whatever. And it was like a 40 minute drive. So I'd always have like this hot liquid or whatever and.
- [23:06]
A
Yeah, yeah, you threw it. How, how did they react? Did it hit more than one person?
- [23:13]
B
No, luckily, because the area I lived in there wasn't like, like that many kids on the bus. There was probably like maybe like 15 of us on the bus, so there wasn't that much, but threw the whole thing at him and. Yeah, that's pretty much it. Like he got. I know he got secondary, so he had to go to the hospital, which I felt really bad, but they basically just said I couldn't ride the bus anymore. Covid did happen and I didn't have to take the bus, you know, but sophomore, junior year, and then senior year I went back, I had a car, so I needed the bus.
- [23:41]
A
Did he stay bullying you after? What did he learn from that time?
- [23:44]
B
No. Cause I think he learned from that time. And then that's when I was doing social media, so nobody was even really like messing with me at that point.
- [23:51]
A
Did he ever like apologize to you because you were saying you guys were good friends at one point?
- [23:55]
B
Did he ever be like, no. After I feel like I threw that tea on him and gave him birth I feel like, no, he's like, I'm.
- [24:01]
A
Not fucking with you at all.
- [24:02]
B
You're dying. Like, I'm not fucking with you at all.
- [24:04]
A
I honestly do feel like sometimes, you know, obviously there's, you know, ways to stand up. Don't go fucking throwing your coffee or tea at people. But, I mean, you had to do what you had to do at that moment. But I, like, feel. I feel like sometimes you kind of need to stand up to your bullies, because if not, they're just gonna keep bullying you and bullying you to. Like, there's not much to bully.
- [24:21]
B
Yeah.
- [24:21]
A
If there's any piece of advice you can give anyone watching that is currently, you know, getting bullied for, you know, their sexuality or just in general getting bullied, what piece of advice would you give them? Like, beat them up.
- [24:34]
B
You could fight them. But honestly, like, I wouldn't even do much because, like, time will tell. Like, I honestly feel like I. Like, now I'm, like, shitting on all my bullies. Now I'm shitting on all my haters. Now it's like, y' all not fucking with me. I'm sorry. Like, it's like, period. Look at me now. It's like, time will tell. Like, I feel like you don't even have to do anything. You just gotta wait and, like, you know.
- [24:52]
A
Do you feel like bullying almost set you up for your life now? Like, being on social media? Because I feel like social media comes with, like, a lot of, like, online bullies. You feel like that almost builds character, too. Like, all right, I've been bullied all my life. Fuck you, hoes.
- [25:04]
B
I mean, like, I don't feel like it built. Like, I've been wanting to do social media ever, like, since I was watching iCarly. Like, I literally remember telling my mom, like, I wanna be Internet famous. I wanna be Internet famous. Like, that was always, like, a fantasy of mine, but I don't think so. I wouldn't say, like, bullying stemmed from all of this, but it definitely is, like, a cute little factor. Like, now, like, looking back, I'm like, okay. Like, I'll scroll on Instagram. I'll see someone I went to high school with. Okay.
- [25:28]
A
Has a bully ever reached out to you? Like, now that you're doing social media, what was that?
- [25:32]
B
Like, it was funny. Someone, like, it was like, a big paragraph, like, on Snapchat. Because, like, you know, with Snapchat, like, you. Like, everyone was using that. I've had the same Snapchat account since middle school. I'll have people like, slide up. Like, if I'm with somebody. Like, I was with Dallas the other day, and everyone's like, oh, my God. Wait, you're with Dallas? And it was like this bitch I went to middle school with and call me gay and stuff all the time. I'm like, bitch, fuck you. Like, oh. Like, just stuff like that, but, like, nothing like crazy.
- [25:58]
A
I feel like it happens a lot, especially with social media now. People try to, like, switch up. Like, oh, I didn't like you then, but now that you see I have something great going on for myself, you want to come around and be a part of my life?
- [26:08]
B
Yeah, it's not even like that. It's like. I mean, like, you know, we're older. Like, forget about all that. Like, you know, but we weren't friends. Like, why. Why am I trying to rekindle with you? Like, I didn't even know you. Like, it's like, no, no, thank you.
- [26:19]
A
How would you describe yourself academically for school? Like, do you feel like you were smart? Were you the one ditching? Were you not paying attention in school? Describe how you were academically in school.
- [26:28]
B
I was, like, a CD student.
- [26:30]
A
Passing. Barely.
- [26:32]
B
Barely. No. Covid messed me up because I just got so unmotivated. It.
- [26:36]
A
Yeah.
- [26:36]
B
I couldn't be doing schoolwork online for, like, all the whole time. It was, like, annoying.
- [26:41]
A
The online was really, really bad.
- [26:43]
B
Wait, what? Did you graduate?
- [26:44]
A
I graduate. I'm. I'm almost 30. I'm 20. Well, not really. I should stop saying I'm almost 30 because I'm not almost 30. Well, kind of. I'm 27.
- [26:52]
B
Okay.
- [26:55]
A
Older. I feel like I didn't get to live. Covet. I lived it. Yeah.
- [26:58]
B
As an adult years ago.
- [27:00]
A
But I do know a lot of people kind of struggled a lot with COVID especially in school, because you weren't getting that in person. Help. Are you more like a visual learner?
- [27:08]
B
I'm more visual learner, yeah. When it comes, like, even, like, when I was in college, like, I couldn't do online classes for classes that I actually had to take seriously because I'm not gonna remember anything. Like, I don't take online classes seriously. So with doing that in high school, it was really bad. No one was passing for real. So, like, my school district, they literally, like, if you submit one assignment per class, it's automatic pass.
- [27:26]
A
And we'll pass you.
- [27:27]
B
We'll pass. You just submit one assignment. Like, try. Like, do something. So, yeah, my GPA, I think I graduated with, like, a 2.5.2.4. Oh, it was really bad. Like, really bad. Kobe, like, really me up.
- [27:38]
A
But what made you go into college? You know, you tell us a little bit that you weren't really interested too much in, like, the school stuff, but you did go to college for how many years?
- [27:45]
B
Like a year.
- [27:46]
A
What made you go into it? Okay, it was more.
- [27:50]
B
Yeah, yeah. My family, they were just like, you know, like, all my family, like, families like doctors, lawyer. Like, everyone in my family has, like, some kind of profession. So they were obviously expecting me to go to college too. I did go for like a year and a half. I went for business and digital marketing. Now I'm just taking a little break, you know, seeing living life. I'm like, you know, I'm young. I'm 21. Like, school will always be there. Like, you know, like, you got to take advantage of all these opportunities and stuff you got going on. So, you know, I'm just like, living right now.
- [28:16]
A
How was college at first? You know, I feel like college and high school are so fucking different. I feel like in college we really do find out that no one really cares if you show up. No one really cares if you do the work, because at the end of the day, you. It's on you. Did you feel like it was like a huge, like, fucking shock when you went into school in college?
- [28:33]
B
It was because my high school teachers were like, definitely making it seem like they didn't play in college, but college was, like, really easy. I lived in a college dorm for like a week. I couldn't do the roommate. I was like, nope, I couldn't do the roommate. I couldn't. I was like, absolutely not. Like, I was like, I cannot. There's not enough space in here. Like, I have to go. Like, literally. We moved all my stuff in probably like three days later. I called my mom was like, I don't want to be here no more. Like, I can't, like.
- [28:57]
A
And you went back home?
- [28:58]
B
And I went back home. Home.
- [28:59]
A
So you were commuting all the time to school.
- [29:01]
B
How was that?
- [29:02]
A
Was it like a long drive?
- [29:03]
B
Not really. It was like 30 minutes.
- [29:06]
A
Oh, okay. Better than your high school, obviously. You started doing social media also during that time, do you feel like it was hard to juggle, you know, doing social media, doing your homework?
- [29:15]
B
I don't think it was like, too hard. Like, it was definitely like a balance. Cuz like, I treated as like my job basically. So I was okay, like, you make time for this, you make time for that. And doing social media, it's like you don't have to clock it at a certain time. So you're just like, you know, you're pretty much. You do whatever. It wasn't too hard to juggle at the time. Now I feel like it would honestly be a lot like, with YouTube, like, that editing takes hours. And, you know, with TikTok, it's like, with what I was doing before, it was definitely easier, but now, like, I don't think I'll be able to do all that.
- [29:41]
A
I feel like sometimes you have to take those, like, leap of faiths. Because I also dropped out of college my freshman year. I only went, I think, for a month or two. And then afterwards, that's kind of when, like, my son social media started, like, picking up. And I was like, this, like, I don't want to do school. Like, this is going so well. If I really put all my eggs in this basket, I can really make something out of it. But I feel like the having to tell your parents is, like, the hard part, you know, like, the stopping. Going to school is easy. You know, you just don't show up. But the actually telling your mom, like, hey, you know what? I know you guys have these dreams for me, but I don't want to go to school anymore. What was that like for you when you finally had to tell your mom? Like, look, mom, Mom, I'm not doing it.
- [30:20]
B
She's still like, when you going back? Like, she's still, like, asking me, but, like, now she's a lot more chill again. Like, my family, they all come. Everyone in my family has some sort of profession. Doctor, lawyer, plumber. Like, just everyone has, like, some sort of job. Yeah. Career. Like, a job. So it's like when I didn't want to go to college anymore, and I was like, I want to do this. She's just like, okay, but you're gonna go to school and do this, right? I'm like, no. Like, I want to. Like, I was like, just trust me. Just trust me. Like, have faith.
- [30:48]
A
Did you feel pressure? Like, the pressure of, like, okay, now I'm really, like, dropping out of school. I really have to make this social media thing work, because if not, you know, my parents are thinking I'm gonna do good.
- [30:59]
B
I mean, not pressure. Cause it's like, you know, there's like, a million ways to get paid in this account. Like, you can always find a way to make some money. So, like, I didn't feel that pressured. And honestly, like, school, I just never really wanted to go to college anyway. Like, to me, it was, like, a waste of Money. I feel like when I was going to college, I was like going. Cause my parents wanted me to go. So just like I. Even when I was in school, I was like, I don't really want to do this. I was like, I'm just doing this so y' all don't yell at me. But I'm just like, okay. At a certain point, you're just like, okay. Like I said, I'm living my life for me, not for you. So it's just like, you know, it is what it is.
- [31:28]
A
What made you want to major in business? Was there just something that you were like, oh, let me do this. Or was it because it kind of went hand in hand with what you.
- [31:35]
B
Were doing already before in high school? Like, my counselor really suggested it because she knew I was doing social media. So she was like, oh my God. Like, I feel like this would go hand in hand. And then, you know, over time, it made sense. And even now, I still want to go back eventually and maybe try to get something out of that. But like, you know, like I said, as of right now, I'm living life. I'm young, I'm turning like 21. Like, school will always be there. School's not going nowhere. Like, let me show Jack Daniels is proudly served in fine establishments, questionable joints and everywhere in between.
- [32:07]
A
So no matter where you go in.
- [32:09]
B
Every bar, you'll always know someone by name. Jack.
- [32:14]
A
Jack and Coke.
- [32:15]
B
Shot of Jack. Jack Daniels, please. Right away. That's what makes Jack Jack. Please drink responsibly. Responsibility.org Jack Daniels and old number seven are registered trademarks. Tennessee whiskey, 40% alcohol by volume. Jack Daniel Distillery, Lynchburg, Tennessee. Extra value meals are back. That means ten tender juicy McNuggets and medium fries and a drink are just eight dollars only at McDonald's for a limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska and California. And for delicious Ford Bluecruise, hands free highway driving takes the work out of.
- [32:50]
A
Being behind the wheel, allowing you to.
- [32:53]
B
Relax and reconnect while also staying in control. Enjoy the drive in blue cruise enabled vehicles like the F150, Explorer and Mustang Mach E. Available feature on equipped vehicles. Terms apply. Does not replace safe driving. C4.com BlueCruise for more details do you.
- [33:16]
A
Feel like coming out made dating easier for you now?
- [33:19]
B
No, not really.
- [33:20]
A
Why?
- [33:21]
B
I don't know. It's just like when it comes to dating, especially like with doing social media, it's like, I don't think I'm like this big famous ass Bitch. Like, I don't. I don't think like that. But, like, also, like, people know you. You don't know people, and you never know people's true intentions. So when it comes to dating and stuff like that, I do get a little scared because I'm just like, okay, like, what's going on? Like, I've been done wrong by, like, so many boys. So it's just like, I have, like, so much, like, a little bit of trauma when it comes to dating. So I'm just like, okay, like, tell.
- [33:47]
A
Us about a time where maybe, you know, you started talking to someone and then you figured out that they were just talking to you because you were sty online. Have you had a situation where you caught that, like, on the spot, like, oh, this person doesn't really want me for me, but for who I am.
- [34:01]
B
Online, I've had situations where, like, they'd find. Cause I don't talk about, like. Like social. Like, I don't make that. My personality, like, at all. Like, that's. That's literally all on the phone. Like, I am somebody outside of this. So when I talk to people, I never bring that up. Like, it's like. Cause I feel like that's just so cocky to bring up. Like, oh, I have like 500,000 followers. Like, who cares? Who gives a fuck? I never really bring that up until, like, I feel like it's, like, comfortable or, you know, you find out before I tell you. So there was, like, one boy even. Like, this is why, like, I hated high school. I like, the boy I lost my virginity to in high school. Junior year, I believe. Junior year or senior year, I can't remember. After, like, I started doing social media. He, like, blocked me on everything. And he was just, like, blocked me on everything. Ignored me in the hallways, like, paid me, like, no mind. Like, it was like. And I felt really bad because, like, we talked for, like, six months.
- [34:49]
A
How did you guys meet?
- [34:50]
B
We went to the same school.
- [34:51]
A
Okay, okay, okay. But, like, how did you guys start talking to the point that you guys were maybe like.
- [34:55]
B
Like, we were just, like, texting on Snapchat and stuff, like on co. Oh, like, you're cute. Oh, you're cute too. And like, stuff like that. And then we went back to the school. We would talk a little bit. And then after I started doing social media, he wanted, like, nothing to do with me.
- [35:09]
A
Do you think it scared him a little bit? Was he already out like that?
- [35:12]
B
I don't know. I don't think so. I think it did scare him. A little bit. But it was just like I wasn't gonna say nothing anyway. Like, like I was gonna keep you a secret online anyway. So I was like, I wasn't gonna say nothing, but it's just like, like the block and everything was just like. No, like it just like that really hurt. And that was like my first time too. So it was just like, oh, like ouch. But like after that, like when it comes to boys, I don't really, like, I don't know, I have a little bit of trauma. I'm like, I can't, I can't.
- [35:37]
A
Do you feel like now dating has become something that you like to keep more personal than like putting it out online?
- [35:42]
B
I definitely love me a good little tease. Okay. I definitely love me a good little like arm or something like that. Like that's so fun. But after like that situation, I don't think I would like ever, like, not ever. But like it would take me a while to like fully pop out with somebody like online.
- [35:58]
A
I feel like, like what's like your dream guy? Describe what sty is looking for.
- [36:03]
B
I told you, don't judge me, but I told you I went to an all white school. I was only ever around white boys. So I really like white boys.
- [36:12]
A
When it comes to dating, what are like red flags that maybe like now you're like, you know what? Those are not red flags that I'm.
- [36:18]
B
Gonna ignore somebody that faunts their money, I don't like when they like money faunting. I don't care. That doesn't faze me. I don't like when they talk too much either.
- [36:25]
A
You like them to be quiet? Not quiet, but just be there, sit down, be pretty. Yeah, really, literally.
- [36:29]
B
But no, like when just talk too much, it's like, okay, you're now you're annoying me. It's like, oh no.
- [36:34]
A
I did see that you recently went through a heartbreak, right?
- [36:37]
B
Yeah, I actually did. How was that so bad? It was like a whole. That's what. Oh my God. That's what caused like almost all of the stuff that happened online. But yeah, basically I was talking to this guy for like six months. He lived out here. He came to New York with me. Like I thought we was tight and I was at the club one night, I was in WeHo and I got like a long ass paragraph and it was basically just like fuck you. Like I don't wanna talk to you no more. I'm just like, oh. And I was already drunk and it just like emotions got to me. Just like bawling everywhere. Like, I was like, done.
- [37:10]
A
Has that been hard for you, like, trying to cope from that, like, breakup almost?
- [37:14]
B
I mean, I'm okay now. Like, I bounced back pretty quick. Like, I know who the fuck I am, but it's just like, it just hurt. Like, even that, like, it's like another, like, okay. Like, that's why I have trauma. This is why I don't talk to boys. That's why I'm like, no. So stuff like that, but I don't know, don't bother me now. Like, I'm over it. But that situation, like, it just, like, kind of snowballed. That's, like, what kind of started. And it's like, snowball. It's like this huge thing with, like, everyone. Like, it just. It got like, crazy.
- [37:43]
A
How was it for you during that whole time where everything was kind of almost happening online as well as in person for you?
- [37:50]
B
It was like, a lot to handle because it's like you had your feelings, things. It's like, I feel like with social media, it's like everyone has their own opinion as they, you know, as they should. Like, you know, you're. You're right to that. But it's like no one really knows what's going on behind the scenes. So it's just kind of like a he said, she said. And then it's like more people pick this side and it's just like, no one fixes that. And it's just like, I don't know, like, it's just so weird. It's like I've been in, like, so many, like, online, like, scuffles and like, you know, arguments before and like, every time, it's just like, like, it's so damn, like, tiring. It's just like you just want it to be over.
- [38:23]
A
Do you feel like this one's one of your biggest ones?
- [38:26]
B
Probably. I. I say so. I'd say so. I'd say so because we were so close. It was. Yeah, we were so close. But we're good now. Like, we're talking offline with what it should have been. We're talking offline. We're good now, me and. Me and Chris. So we're good now. We're good now. Okay. But yeah, as far as, like, everyone else right now, I'm, like, not really vibing with nobody else right now. I still need time to. Time to myself.
- [38:49]
A
Do you feel like sometimes, especially, you know, if you guys don't know, just go look up everything online. I'm sure you guys will find the clips because I did see. You know what's funny? When I. Well, not funny. Not funny, but I'm saying I saw one of your videos and someone had commented, and then I. I think it got clipped too. And I got happy when that happened because I saw that I actually found you and Chris, I think through my boyfriend. Fun fact, really. I think I. I met you guys or I saw you guys for the first time at Douse's launch party. And then I saw you again, like, good, good meeting at Dallas's Halloween party. And that's when we're like, oh, my God, let's do the podcast. But I remember when I first discovered you and Chris, it was actually my boyfriend who put me on. He was like, oh, my God, they're so fucking funny. You should have them on the podcast. They're so fun. And, you know, I started diving into your guys's content. Loved your guys friendship. I saw everything go down, which I'm like, oh, my God, like, what the hell is going on?
- [39:45]
B
It was so d. It's just like. It was like. It easily could have been, like, handled offline, but it's just like the. The whole situation with him leaving and then, like, it just. It just became like a he said, she said thing. And again, like, we do social media, so it's like, people have their questions. People like, make their, like, rumors just start to spread, and you have to address the rumors and it just becomes a whole thing. So it's like, it's so hard to keep it offline anyway because people just make up rumors. You have to adjust the rumors and end up saying what really happened. It's just like.
- [40:12]
A
Like, was it overwhelming for you at the time when everything was going down? Like, oh, my God, what is this person gonna say? Oh, my God, I just saw a TikTok made that is like, far from the truth. What was going on during that time for you?
- [40:23]
B
A little bit. Because it's like, I feel like we all had like a certain part to play in it. And it was like a lot of people were. Some people were saying things that weren't true. So it was just like so many. Like, it was just so damn, like, exhausting. Like, it was just like, oh, I just want it to be over. But then you have to clear your name. You have to be like, wait, no, I didn't do this. I didn't say this. This didn't happen happened. It's like, it's so much. It's just like. It's like a game of like, who's the Bad guy. Like, it's like, no, but you did this. But you did this. But you did. It's like, it's tiring.
- [40:48]
A
Do you feel like a lot of it had to do with how parasocial maybe your guys's community is? Because I do feel like, you know, your guys's followers really do love and with y' all individually and as people and as a group that I feel like sometimes they can, you know, if there's a little fallout or a little argument, they take it a little. A little bit too serious. Do you feel like it kind of made things harder because of the fandoms?
- [41:11]
B
I. I honestly like when they say like two parasocial. It's like, I share a lot of my life online, so it's like, that's. That's my fault. Okay? That's my part to blame. I don't. I don't really hold back. I put all my business online. So it's like when people have that much opinion, it's like, you know, I can't even. I can't even be mad because, like, I did this to myself. But, like, it definitely did. Like, I feel like, like, made it a little worse. Cuz, like, the comments. Like, you. When you read so much comments, so much people saying the same thing, it's like, okay, it gets to you. It's like, wait, I didn't feel this way before, but now I do. So it's like, it's a lot. I feel like it was good that we talked offline. I'm kind of happy that. Not happy that it happened, but I'm happy that we. Because we never had an argument before. So I feel like now that we had this one that happened, we'll definitely be able to. Any further squabbles will have. We'll be able to correctly address them and not. Not do what the fuck we did online. But it's friendships at the end of the day. Like, friends fight. Like, it's just. The only difference I feel like is with us doing social media. So, like, everyone has an opinion on a relationship you're seeing all over the Internet. So it's like, yeah, you're gonna have an opinion, but if we were just like, you know, two friends, no one would have gave a fuck. Like, it just would have been like.
- [42:20]
A
Okay, I do really feel like it was definitely something that could have been talked about, like, in private. You know what I mean? It's like a very 1, 2, 3 fix. It just made it hard that it was like, online and like you said, Everyone had their opinion. Everyone had like, a, oh, I'm team this.
- [42:35]
B
I'm team that.
- [42:36]
A
It's like, chillax.
- [42:37]
B
Yeah.
- [42:38]
A
Like, it doesn't got to be teams. It doesn't have to be that crazy, you know, what do you have to say to anyone watching that is maybe, you know, unsure with the relationship you guys have now or. What can you say about everything that happened?
- [42:50]
B
I apologize. Apologize for all my wrongdoings. I'm not speaking on anybody else, but pretty much it was just like, again, like, I apologize to Chris. I apologize to him publicly and privately because, like, all this stuff happened publicly. So, you know, I'm gonna give a public apology. But at the end of the day, it was between us. Y' all just seen it. I don't owe anyone else an apology but Chris, and that was pretty much it. But as far as for, like, anything else or anyone else that was involved, I have. That has nothing to do with me. I'm taking accountability for what I said and what I did. Okay.
- [43:20]
A
Do you feel like the followers can see you guys again in the future?
- [43:23]
B
Most definitely. Because this. The situation was so damn dumb. It was so damn dumb. Again, it could have been handled offline. It's just the way everything handled out. Certain people did a little too much. It was just, like. It was so damn stupid. Like, but again, I'm happy that it happened because true colors were shown, for one. And again, I feel like we needed to fight. Like, we needed a little squabble. Like, we've been friends for too damn long. We've never had an argument. Like, we needed that. Like, now that we had that, I think we'll be cool.
- [43:49]
A
I do really think, you know, that fights with your friends are so normal.
- [43:53]
B
I feel like.
- [43:54]
A
And it should be normalized. I feel like what happens a lot, especially in friendships. You know, I've had friendships too, where it's like, something goes on that you are not okay with, and you kind of bottle it up and it doesn't get addressed when it needs to be addressed. And then by the time you and a friend bottle up so much, and then you guys kind of clash, and you're like, hey, you know what? You did something today. But then I'm gonna address happened, like, two months ago. Like, it's like, it should be addressed.
- [44:20]
B
When it's supposed to happen. Yeah. But, like, again, it's, like, on social media, it's like a game of, like, who's the bad guy? So it's like, okay, I'm calling you out for this now. I Gotta find out what I can call you out for because, bitch, you ain't perfect either. Yeah, so it's like, it's so. It's so stupid. But you know, do you feel like.
- [44:34]
A
Seeing everything go down? Was there like a moment where you're like, you know what, there's no fixing this.
- [44:38]
B
There's not gonna be any, like, who.
- [44:40]
A
Reached out first in private?
- [44:42]
B
It was kind of both. Like he was sending me like roses on my live. So then I was like, okay, that was like a little thing and I texted him first. So yeah, like again, it was stupid. We talked about it and just threw it all out the window. So, yeah, we talked a little bit.
- [44:57]
A
About your starts on social media. You, you were mentioning earlier that you always had that as a dream. Yeah, you know, tell us a little bit more about that. Obviously right now we see you all over social media. But it wasn't always like that. What made you be like, you know what, I'm gonna grab a camera, I'm gonna start. Start filming.
- [45:13]
B
I don't even remember. Like, I feel like I've always been making like dumbass videos, like just doing dumbass shit. And just like one day like kind of took off. Like, I remember my first viral video. It was literally posted when I got back from work. It's a song. I forgot what it's called. I think it's called so Anxious by somebody.
- [45:28]
A
I don't know someone. Look it up.
- [45:30]
B
Ah, I'll put it right now. Look it up. Shazam it. Shazam it. But it was a song called so Anxious. And like I switched the words. It was so fucking dumb. But I just like switched the words over and said, so something like salt. I would post the video, went to sleep. When I woke up, it had like maybe 25k views. And I was like, I've never seen a letter before. Like, I was like, oh, like I'm famous. And I went to work the next day. I worked at an amusement park at the time, so like I wasn't able to be on my phone and I worked like a long ass shift. So that was like nine hours without seeing my phone got off. Look at my phone. Open TikTok. I think the video was at like 500,000 views. And I was just like, whoa, how.
- [46:07]
A
Many followers have you gained from that?
- [46:08]
B
At the time I had like none, but I think I had like maybe like a thousand posting. So I was like, oh my God. Like, oh my God. And I remember when that happened, I was like, okay, I'm on that. So I was like, posting. I have, like, 10 times a day on Tik Tok. Literally the next day, I think the video got up to, like, a million likes at that point. The video got a million likes. They had it hit a million within, like, 24 hours. And that's when I was like, whoa. Like, what the. Like, I was like, wait, hold on, this is something. So I was like. Like I said, I was just on that, like, every single day, 10, like, 10 plus times a day. Like, I was posting like I was on TikTok, posting. Like I was not playing. I was like, we not letting this slip. Like, we got to stay on that. And that was pretty much it. And then after that, I went live a lot. Started going live, showing more of my personality, which I'm so grateful I did, because I feel like the content I did before does not, like, relate to anything I do now. So I feel like showing my personality on live and getting, like, you know, showing people, like, who I am. Personally, I was able to, like, transition into doing YouTube and stuff, the stuff that I do now. But I feel like if I was doing just the TikToks and then jump to YouTube, everyone would have been like, what the fuck? Like, where'd this come from? Like, you know, would there be anybody.
- [47:15]
A
That doubted that you were able to make it?
- [47:17]
B
No, I actually blocked everyone once that first video went viral. Like, once that first video hit a million, everyone got blocked. I was like, no one can find. Because my mom, she was really strict. So my mom was always against, like, the idea. My mom didn't even know I did, like, social media or even had, like, a platform or whatever, whatever, until, like, I had, like, 800,000 followers. That's what she found out. She found out, like, two years later.
- [47:37]
A
So you were living like a whole Hannah Montana.
- [47:38]
B
It was like a whole Hannah Montana. Like, my brother and my sister were the only ones that knew, and they kept that secret. They took that secret to the grave. I was like, do not tell Mom. Do not tell dad, because, like, they would have just made me delete it. I know they would have. And the way they found out, we were on a family vacation in Universal, and I would, like, get noticed a lot when I was at home. And I never had traveled, like, after, like, doing this. So I always just kind of thought, like, oh, it's just here. Like, it's just here. It's no big deal, whatever, you know? And if I got noticed in front of my mom, I just. She'd be like, oh, who is that? I went to school with them. Like, I would always just, like, find a way to cover up the lie. Like, it's so easy. And we lived there, so it was believable. We went to Florida for, like, a family vacation. We were at, like, Universal Studios or something, and people were coming up to me, and I was like, wait, hold on. Wait, hold on. Like, I'm in Florida, and I was with my mom. My dad was with my whole family. So everyone's got, like, not everyone, but, like, you know, a couple people come up to me, groups of people, and I'm, like, brushing them off. Cause I'm like, okay. Like, my mom cannot. My mom cannot help. So they're like, oh, my God. And I'm brushing them off. They're like, you look just like that person. I'm like, I don't know who that is. I'm sorry. You look just like him. I'm like, no, you're like, it's not him. I don't know who that is. I'm sorry. I don't know who that is. I walk off, and it happened, like, twice. And my mom was like, you must really look like whoever they're talking about. Like, you must really look like that person. I'm like, like, right. Like, I don't know who they're talking about. Like, five minutes later, another, like, two girls come up, and they're like, oh, my God, we love your videos. And I just, like, kind of like, I felt so bad because I'm really, like, brushing past these people. Like, nope. But my mom peeped, like, she was like, something, right? So she went up to those girls, and she was like, where do you know him from? And like, oh, he does. TikTok. And they're like, these little girls pull up my page, and they're showing my mom, like, all my videos and everything. And she's just like, like, okay, thanks. And she was like, let me see your phone. And I show her the phone, and then that's when she's just like, what the.
- [49:26]
A
Like, like, why didn't you tell me about.
- [49:28]
B
She, like, why didn't you tell. I was like, why would I. Like, you would have made me delete it.
- [49:31]
A
Did she make you delete it at the time?
- [49:33]
B
No. No.
- [49:33]
A
What did she say afterwards? You know, obviously, you show her your tik tok. She sees that you have this big following. She's seen the reaction in person. What was her immediate reaction?
- [49:41]
B
Like, oh, she was just, like, shocked. She was just like, what's she like? What are you posting? Like, why do people like you And I'm just like, like, she was just like, how do you have this many followers? Like, what do you do on, like, what do you do? Like, what? What the hell? Like, she was just so shocked. Like, she didn't understand any of it at all. To be honest, I didn't either. I was like, girl, I can't even tell you. I don't even know. But over time, that was just like an era for like, that was just so crazy. But she didn't make me delete it because I was 18 at the time, so I had already graduated high school. I graduated without her finding out. So I got away, like, just in the nick of time. So to be honest, if she told me to delete it, I would have just like, no. And would have got my own phone plan and just. I would have been an adult. That's only thing, that's the only thing I was waiting for. I was like, I just need to be 18. Once I turn 18, I'm good.
- [50:25]
A
What was your dad's reaction to it?
- [50:27]
B
He was like, really confused. But he, he kind of knew already because, like, if I was doing like little like promos or whatever, the money would go into my, my bank account.
- [50:38]
A
Okay.
- [50:38]
B
And my dad had has access to that, so he'd just be like, yeah, I was wondering where that came from. Like, I didn't know where, where that came from. Like, now it makes sense. But he didn't really care. It was more of my mom because she's just like, what the hell? Like, all these people know you and like, she was just so scared. Mom's just like a worry word. She's just like, oh my God. Like, all these people know. You don't know people. Something can happen to you. That. And I'm just like, girl, so that's serious.
- [50:57]
A
Like, she's like, I've been doing this for three years.
- [50:59]
B
Nothing's been happening. I'm good, I'm good. I'm like, I feel like that stuff happens if you make yourself a tired. I'm just posting like dumbass videos. I'm like, no one's gonna be like, oh my God, no. Like, fuck him. Like, I'm not posting nothing crazy. This is like, did you have a.
- [51:13]
A
Moment where you realized, you know, obviously you started getting all these views, you started getting these brand deals. Was there a moment where you realized, like, hold the fuck up. If I really do dedicate myself to the social media thing, I can easily make this my full time job. Did you quit the theme park job?
- [51:29]
B
I did, but not for social media. I quit it because. Because I didn't want to work there no more. It's so funny because I actually, like, still go there a lot, and, like, I'll still see the people that I used to work with, and they're just giving me, like, the nastiest looks. I've been like, oh, my God.
- [51:41]
A
Like, we weighed, and you like it.
- [51:43]
B
I worked there for, like, almost two years. It was hot. It was just like. It was like a hot environment. Like, no breaks, like, nine hours straight. Like, that's a lot, girl. Like, don't really want to do all that. So, yeah, I quit that job, like, after a minute, I was like, I can't do this no more. I go there all the time. I still see a couple of people that I used to work with. They either, like, like, love me or hate me. I'm just like, oh, hey. Or they'll look at me like, oh, you're like, he's back.
- [52:05]
A
You're like, I thought we got rid of him.
- [52:07]
B
I'll come in with my camera recording. They'll just be like, what was the.
- [52:10]
A
Moment that you realized you were able to do this full time?
- [52:13]
B
I don't really know. Like, the moment I realized. It's just, like, over time. Like, I was like, people, really. I was like, wait, like, people actually like me. Like, I was like, wait. Like, I was like, again, like, I had no friends in school, and I feel like that's also, like, a lot of people online. Like, you have no friends in school. Like, I was like, wait, like, I have all these friends online. Like, I have all these online. Like, I was just, like, to me, it just felt like I was. I felt loved. Like, I was. I finally have friends. I finally have people. I'm, like, talking to people that like me because, again, like, I never grew up with friends or anything. So, like, to me, it was just, like, I just, like, interacting with people, like, through. It was like interacting with people through screen. I just loved it.
- [52:47]
A
Do you feel like your online community almost helped you also find your identity and also create this confidence within you?
- [52:53]
B
Yeah, most definitely. I feel like they definitely did. Like, with, like, they'll. They be hyping me up sometimes. They'd be like, you look a mess. They'll tell me when. They'll tell me what needs to be said, which I love. They will humble me. They'll be like, we love you, but I look crazy. Like, take that off. Change that wig. Change the shoe. Change. Like, they're reading you. No, they'd be reading Me. But I love that. I'm just like, I love this. Like, I feel like it's like, I have such, like, a real group of people. Like, it's not just like a. Oh, my God.
- [53:17]
A
Yes.
- [53:18]
B
Like, I don't know.
- [53:19]
A
Your audiences are very much in tune with you. Because I feel like there's a difference with, like, you know, another type of creator where it's very much like, oh, yeah, I recognize that person. I love hearing they're seeing their content. But I feel like your followers really do fudge with you as a person.
- [53:34]
B
Yeah. Which I love that. Like, I feel like, compared to, like, other creators, it's like, I don't want, like, a. Oh, like, what's your lip combo? Like, I don't like boring questions like that. It's like, bitch, where are you eating at? Like. Like, I just love stuff like that. Like, I'll literally be like, at Walmart. And I was like. Like, they don't even say my name. They'll call me. Like, they'll be like, that's. I knew it was you, bitch. I'm like. Like, it's just like, they almost feel.
- [53:56]
A
Like they're your friend.
- [53:57]
B
Yeah. And I love that vibe. I love that vibe. Like, it's just. I love. Like, that's just more fun to me. Like, I don't want people to be, like, scared. Like, oh, hey. Like, yes. Like, come up to me. Like, yell in my face. Like, yeah, Like, I love that. Like, it's just, like, it makes it more fun. I don't know.
- [54:10]
A
What do you feel like are the pros and cons of being online? Because I feel like, you know, obviously being online comes with a lot of great things, but it can also come with. It's bad, you know? What do you feel like are the pros and the cons of being online?
- [54:21]
B
I don't know. I feel like there's, like, more cons, depending on how you look at it. Me personally, I have pretty thick skin. There's obviously, like, hate comments. You know, a lot of people, like, try to get a little too much into your business, and there's just, like, there's a lot of cons. Personally, I don't, like, hate comments get to me. Like, I. Like, I've been told a lot of stuff growing up, so it's just like, okay, like, you're through a scrap. You're not facing. This isn't. This isn't facing me. But pros, I don't know. There's just so many pros, but I can't name Them? I don't know. I can't name them, but there's just so many. Like, you know, you.
- [54:50]
A
You know, it really does balance it out, because then we can complain or we can say, oh, we hate this about social media. But then there's so much that we can love about it, right? Like, there's so much benefits to it, you know, the fact that we're able to make a livelihood off of, you know, creating content, doing little videos, you know, instead of going to work a 9 to 5. Those are, like, really great pros. But then also, we get put in this place where it's like, we're almost. People are entitled to, like, make an opinion, say whatever the fuck they want about you without really knowing the situation. Do you feel like, you know, being online, you know, you mentioned that the hate comments don't get to you. Has there ever been a moment where.
- [55:27]
B
They maybe have maybe, like, one time, like, my birthday, I had, like, a terrible hate train on my birthday. Like, like, it was really bad. They didn't like my outfit. Everyone was like, you're ugly. Like, this is a mess. Like, it was so bad. Like, I think I had, like, 10 million views on Twitter. Like, it was really bad. And I was just like, ooh. Like, this hurts. Like, what did I do? I might even do nothing. Like, y' all just. Cause y' all don't like my outfit. Like, shit, y' all could have just scrolled. But it's just stuff like that. But to be honest, I was just like, you know what? Like, 10 million people just see me. Like, that's tea. So I'm just like, you know what? Any publicity, good publicity. I'm like, whatever. Y' all think I'm ugly. Whatever. I don't really. Like, I'll address it. Like, it depends. Like, I'll be in the mood to just. Like, I'll be in the mood. Sometimes I'll just, like, clap back. Like, I'll just be scrolling. I'm like, bitch. Like, you're ugly, bitch. Look at you. Like, I will be in the mood, like, for an hour. I can respond to a bunch of comments. And then, like, after that, I'm just like, okay, I don't really care. Because then I'm giving you attention. Like, I'm giving you what you want. Like, no.
- [56:21]
A
Like, and I'm not gonna give you what the fuck you.
- [56:23]
B
Exactly. No, I'm not.
- [56:24]
A
So talking about social media, what do you feel like is, like, a dream collab or a dream dream project that you'd love to accomplish?
- [56:31]
B
I would love to collab with Larray. I love him so much. Yeah, he was like one of the first even social media people that I even watched when I was younger. So when he followed me back middle.
- [56:40]
A
School, he's so funny.
- [56:41]
B
I love him. And Quinn. Those are my two favorite people ever. So when Larray followed me back, I was just screaming. Middle school, me was screaming. I was like, oh, my God, no way. Yeah, probably him. Quinn. I love Wendy. I literally met her at her. I was like, yeah, I met her the other day.
- [56:58]
A
I was so sad. I, like, was. I was having so much fun with the carne asada.
- [57:00]
B
Oh, you were there?
- [57:01]
A
No, I didn't go. It was my boyfriend's stepdad's birthday. It was his 40th birthday party. The both girls invited me and I was like, oh, fuck. Like, I wish it could have been any other fucking day.
- [57:11]
B
It was so fun.
- [57:11]
A
How was that?
- [57:12]
B
It was so fun. I, like, found out about it, like, three hours before it started. So I was definitely stressing with my outfit. I think I did a good job. I think my outfit was cute for the event, but it was super fun.
- [57:21]
A
Did you get drunk?
- [57:22]
B
Very. Like, I don't think I've ever got that drunk at all. Like, the whole time I've been here in la, I think that was the drunkest I've gotten. It was, like, bad.
- [57:29]
A
No. I did see a lot of clips where everyone was, like, fucked up.
- [57:32]
B
It was.
- [57:33]
A
And I feel like it's scary. I feel, like, special with social media. I feel like you're also a live person. Like, you love to go live. And I think that can be scary sometimes when you don't really have control of, like, the content and it's just getting aired live.
- [57:44]
B
And it's a little bit like, I was like. Because I'm like, I'm just, like, walking around drunk and everyone has, like, a Twitch camera. So I'm just like, wait, like, hold on. This is live. Like, I don't do too much live stuff like that. Like, if I'm live, I'm like, I know. I look, the camera sat in my room and I'm just talking, but I'm like, I'm walking around. I don't know who's live, where, where the camera. I don't know what I look like. I'm just like, wait, no, this is scary.
- [58:03]
A
Does that give you anxiety? Because I know that shit gives me anxiety whenever. You know what's so funny? There was one event. Whose event was it that the next day I Didn't realize how like, blacked out drunk I was. The next day there was like, actually, you know what? It was actually at Wendy and Eva's merch launch, like when they first launched merch, like maybe like a year ago, they had like a launch party and I was so up that we were dancing. I think I even dropped them on the floor. And you know when you're so drunk, you kind of forget that you're live.
- [58:31]
B
Yeah.
- [58:32]
A
Like, you forget that there's people like, live streaming the whole event the next day. I had the worst anxiety ever. Did you wake up with anxiety the next day or whatever you did?
- [58:41]
B
I, like, check my mentions. Like, really? I was like, please, like, please, like, let there be nothing stupid in here. Like, please. Cuz I, I, I literally like, threw up as soon as I got home. Like, it was bad. It's like when I, I get drunk, it's like when I wake up, I'm like, okay, wait, I don't remember anything. And then like, as the day progresses, I have like small little flashbacks and I'm just like, wait. Or like my friends will tell me like, oh, you did this? Like you threw up in the Uber. Or like you, Like, I'm just like, what? And then like, I'm like, oh, wait.
- [59:08]
A
I did do that. Yeah.
- [59:09]
B
Oh my God. So it's like, yeah. Like, where do you see yourself in.
- [59:14]
A
The next five to 10 years? Whether that's career wise, you know, social media wise guys. Personally, where do you see yourself five, ten years?
- [59:21]
B
How old would be? It'll be like, what, five be?
- [59:23]
A
26. 26 or 31.
- [59:26]
B
Ooh, okay, 31. Hopefully. I'm just like, I just want to be rich. Like, I just have money. Like, I just like the rich, like, uncle. Like when my, when my siblings have kids. Like, I just like the cool ass, like, adult.
- [59:38]
A
Like, I don't know, do you eventually want kids or.
- [59:40]
B
No, Absolutely not.
- [59:41]
A
Ever?
- [59:42]
B
No.
- [59:42]
A
Me too. As gays, I feel like sometimes people try to try to like, force. Like, are you sure you never want kids? How do you feel about that?
- [59:50]
B
I don't know. I'm honestly too selfish for kids. Like two. Damn. So like, the way my mom treats me, I'm like, I could never treat anyone like that. Like, I'm like, you're really a good mom. Like, really? Like, Like, I'm like, oh, I need a hundred dollars. She's like, oh, like, this is like the last bit of money I have in my account. But yeah, here.
- [60:07]
A
Hell no. Get a job. Get your own money.
- [60:10]
B
So that's why I'm like, yeah, like, I'm too selfish for kids.
- [60:13]
A
I also do feel like it's not really being selfish. I also feel like it's being very aware of how much it takes to raise a child.
- [60:21]
B
You know what I mean?
- [60:21]
A
Like, for me, I always. People try to tell me, like, oh, do you and your boyfriend want to adopt or eventually, you know, have a child, you know, with. What is it like Saragosi? Or.
- [60:31]
B
How do you say that?
- [60:31]
A
See, I don't even know how to say the word. I'm like, that's how bad I don't want them. They always ask. And I'm like, honestly, I feel like the life I live, live. I live it so comfortably that, like, if today I want to leave on a trip, I can do that. I have four dogs, which is so hard to leave, but I feel like it's so much easier to, like, leave or have your dogs be babysat, then.
- [60:52]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [60:53]
A
I don't know. I can't do kids, you guys, so you won't be seeing any kids from me or at all. With that being said, thank you so much for coming on today's podcast and talking to us and getting to know you a little bit better. Before we get going, you guys, if you. You guys have not followed him, make sure you guys go ahead and do. I will leave his links down below as well as on the screen so you guys won't miss any future episodes. And with that being said, thank you so much for being here.
- [61:18]
B
Thank you for having me.
- [61:20]
A
Thank you guys so much for watching and we'll see you guys in the next one.
- [61:23]
B
Bye, guys. Yay.
- [61:33]
A
Love is Blind. Love island, the Bachelor, the Ultimatum, Sex.
- [61:37]
B
And the City, Bridgerton, White Lotus.
- [61:40]
A
If dating reality shows, romcoms, smutty romance novels, and the like are your jam.
- [61:45]
B
You'Re in good company. Welcome to Two Black Girls, One Rose.
- [61:48]
A
A podcast uncovering what we can learn about modern dating, love, and relationships from popular television.
- [61:54]
B
I'm Natasha.
- [61:55]
A
And I'm Justine. We're best friends, TV and film fanatics and hopeless romantics. And every week on our podcast, we're dissecting your favorite guilty pleasures, unpacking the mess, laughing at the drama, and trying.
- [62:05]
B
To make sense of this thing called love.
- [62:07]
A
Are all men narcissists? How much should your mama know about your relationship? Is a person twice divorced a walking red flag?
- [62:13]
B
These are just some of the questions we attempt to unpack while analyzing your favorite shows.
- [62:17]
A
Join us on the couch and listen to two black girls, One Rose, wherever.
- [62:21]
B
You get your podcasts.