Trino & Adam Talk All: Childhood Traumas, Coming Out, Parents, Relationships, CHISME & MORE!!

Summary

Podcast Summary: Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized Episode: Trino & Adam Talk All: Childhood Traumas, Coming Out, Parents, Relationships, CHISME & MORE!!
Release Date: October 18, 2024

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Introduction

In this deeply personal episode of Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized, host Alannized welcomes longtime podcast veterans Trino and Adam. The conversation delves into their intertwined lives, exploring themes of childhood trauma, addiction, coming out, family dynamics, relationships, and their journey as gay parents. Through candid dialogue in Spanglish, the trio navigates the complexities of their past and present, offering listeners an authentic glimpse into their struggles and triumphs.

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Section 1: Childhood and Upbringing

Trino opens up about his challenging childhood, marked by instability and cultural conflicts. Born in Ventura, his family moved to Mexico, a period he describes as traumatic. The abrupt transition back to the United States left him grappling with a lack of attachment to his grandparents and feelings of abandonment by his mother.

• Notable Quote:
  Trino [10:32]: "I feel like my connection with her was a little stronger... I am a fragile man, but I'm still strong and I'm brave in my own way."

Adam shares his own upbringing, characterized by the absence of a consistent father figure and the responsibilities placed upon him as the only boy among three sisters. This environment fostered feelings of inadequacy and a perpetual need to protect his family.

• Notable Quote:
  Adam [26:54]: "All I could say is there was a time that... I didn't take it personal at all, puppy."

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Section 2: Struggles with Identity and Acceptance

Both Trino and Adam discuss the internal and external conflicts they faced regarding their identities. Trino reflects on his early struggles with anxiety and the pressure to conform to masculine norms within his Mexican-American community.

• Notable Quote:
  Trino [14:48]: "I am a fragile man, but I'm still strong and I'm brave in my own way."

Adam recounts his own journey of understanding his sexuality amidst societal expectations and familial pressures, leading to feelings of isolation and self-doubt.

• Notable Quote:
  Adam [25:54]: "I just love who I love. I love a little different than maybe most of you guys."

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Section 3: Addiction and Path to Recovery

The conversation takes a poignant turn as Trino and Adam reveal their battles with addiction. Trino details his early exposure to drugs through a turbulent family environment, leading to years of substance abuse as a coping mechanism.

• Notable Quote:
  Trino [18:05]: "I used to struggle with anxiety... but that’s the way it was. Nobody cared to... I never saw myself with a kid."

Adam shares his own harrowing experiences, including selling his father's wedding ring to fund his addiction and the emotional turmoil that ensued. Their mutual support becomes a cornerstone of their recovery journey.

• Notable Quote:
  Adam [37:53]: "I don't ever hold that against my dad... I never want to speak bad about him."

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Section 4: Building Their Relationship

Trino and Adam discuss how their shared struggles with addiction and identity forged a strong bond between them. Their relationship, grounded in mutual support and understanding, became a foundation for their personal growth and healing.

• Notable Quote:
  Adam [48:22]: "When I met Reno, I felt like he gave me something to want to be better for... I just couldn't give up on you."

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Section 5: Parenthood and Raising a Daughter

Transitioning into parenthood, Trino and Adam explore the unique challenges and rewards of raising their daughter, Natalie. They emphasize the importance of creating a loving and accepting environment, contrasting their own upbringing with their parenting philosophy.

• Notable Quote:
  Trino [116:33]: "We were never outed to her... I always remind her that we're here and we'll have her back."

Adam highlights the misconceptions surrounding gay parenting, asserting that love and acceptance are paramount in raising a well-rounded child.

• Notable Quote:
  Adam [111:50]: "Anyone that's gay came from straight parents... we just want to give this baby all the love that you can."

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Section 6: Facing Homophobia and Seeking Acceptance

The guests share their experiences with homophobia both within their community and online. Despite the challenges, they find solace and strength in their supportive relationship and their daughter's presence.

• Notable Quote:
  Trino [84:59]: "Since I was young... my father was my number one bully."

• Notable Quote:
  Adam [88:20]: "Chicano culture embraces us more than I feel like anybody has, even the LGBT community."

---

Section 7: Pursuing Passions and Looking Forward

In their journey towards healing, Trino and Adam have also embraced their creative passions, venturing into music and performance. They discuss their aspirations to continue growing personally and professionally, aiming to inspire others through their art.

• Notable Quote:
  Adam [95:48]: "Never give up and just know that you're so much worth more."

• Notable Quote:
  Trino [117:33]: "We are just trying to raise her to just have a family that loves her... It makes me happy for people to see this from her because she's always been very misunderstood."

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Conclusion

This episode of Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized offers a heartfelt exploration of Trino and Adam's lives, highlighting the resilience required to overcome personal traumas and societal pressures. Their story underscores the significance of love, acceptance, and support in navigating life's adversities. Through their vulnerability, they provide hope and inspiration to listeners facing similar struggles, reaffirming that transformation and healing are achievable with the right support systems.

Final Notable Quote:
Adam [95:30]: "You have to live your life to make yourself happy. Imagine growing old and living your life for everybody else."

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Connect with Trino and Adam:

• Instagram, Twitter, & TikTok: Follow @alannized and see more about Trino and Adam’s journey.

Subscribe and Follow: Ensure you subscribe to Noche de Pendejadas on your preferred podcast platform to stay updated on future episodes filled with drama, chisme, and authentic conversations.

Transcript

[Podcast Host]

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[Alan Ice]

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[Trino]

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[Adam]

When I met him like I was on the run and I remember I was like look, I just want I'm on the run man. You know, like I Had family on me. There was like. And then I was on top of that running from it. So it's probably going to bring other charges. And one day we just decided, like, you know what? I'm going to turn myself in.

[Alan Ice]

What is up, everyone? I'm your host, Alan iced, and this is noche de pendejadas, your favorite podcast turned talk show. And on the yo trago a tus influencers favoritos para platicar that I myself am super excited to have for you guys. So without further ado, please help me welcome my guest tonight. Tr. Hey.

[Trino]

Hey.

[Alan Ice]

I am so excited to have honor to be here.

[Trino]

Iconic.

[Alan Ice]

Oh, thank you. I feel like this has been a long time in the making. And Adam and I'm so excited for this to finally be happening. You guys are actually veterans when it comes to podcast. Podcast. No.

[Adam]

We done snow the products. We done.

[Trino]

Who else we've done.

[Adam]

We done ODM from. That was our first one. We did.

[Trino]

Yeah, Matt, Colin. We did, like, a documentary with him. We did with another girl in. In a. And a bus. Party bus.

[Adam]

What was it called?

[Trino]

Party bus.

[Adam]

I know it was Roxanne, but it was a party bus, you know, so.

[Alan Ice]

I'm so excited that the Neros and comotrino and Adam. But today, even though I do want to get to know them as a couple, I also do want to make sure we get to know them individually and everything up to how they are today.

[Trino]

Yeah. What's up? Okay. Well, I'm Trino. I'm just the baddest, period. No, I want to say before we start this, because I feel like you're. You're brave. You know, you're brave. I feel like there was not a lot of gay men that were the way you were. So I was like, I didn't get it. So I just. I. I respect you and I. And I. I applaud you. So it's an honor to be here.

[Alan Ice]

It's an honor to have you guys here in yolos. Amigas in pride.

[Trino]

Long be a couple. Like last year, let me tell you, my camera was like this. You're like a.

[Alan Ice]

Like.

[Trino]

I almost gave you chances. Is he homeless?

[Alan Ice]

Joe, Danny, Irma, and my friend Steph. And I got to meet you guys. Yes. On social media. And I've been following you guys ever since, and I've been seeing everything you guys have been doing, so I'm like, you know what?

[Trino]

All right, well, I'm thro.

[Adam]

And what's up? And I'm Adam.

[Trino]

And what we do is. Okay, so for me, I start from MySpace. You know, MySpace is like, you know, back in the, what, early 2000s. It wasn't the 1900s yet. I was young, and it became a place for me to express myself when I couldn't do it in real life. Social media just became like that for me. So I just kept doing it. Instagram, Facebook, musically, you know, I had a crowning musically, like a keen. I am, you know, no money. But I was like.

[Alan Ice]

But you were crowned.

[Trino]

Yeah, so I was doing. I was doing that by myself. You. You see a skill because our daughter, she's a. It's Latina. You know what I mean? So it's like, I'm going put her in dance, baby. You dance from the h. You know, the. The tip of your toe from the tip of your hair. But I feel like I needed to really show her. Like, I need to back it up. This is your. So we do. You would do skits until, like, it musically became Tik Tok. Adam jumped in it.

[Adam]

And then I feel like what happened was that. That. That when musically became Tik Tok, you started trying to post again, but, like, they kept rejecting his post. Oh, yeah, because they blocked his. They. They. They, like, removed his account. So then we. We started crown wear. I mean, so he became a peasant again. So then. So then we saw, like, let's do tik Tok. And he was like, nah, I'm whatever, you know?

[Trino]

No, no.

[Adam]

So I started doing.

[Trino]

I was like, I'm wearing a crown sweaters. Like, this is not even real real. But so then I was like, whatever. I was like, whatever. But, you know, I think I. It. So Adam and I just started doing.

[Adam]

I started doing it by myself, right? I started doing cringy. But I was trying, right?

[Trino]

Because you know what?

[Adam]

No, I did not.

[Trino]

The angle.

[Alan Ice]

I was like, down angle.

[Trino]

It was like. It was. It was. Oh, my God. I was like, IO you're showing your age. Let's act like we over here in the.

[Adam]

Cut the cameras. So my name is Adam, and. And I've been. I've been rocking with this guy for, like, going on 19 years. October.

[Trino]

I didn't even say that. I am so sorry. It was about me.

[Adam]

That's the way I'm used to it. Don't even. I don't take it personal at all, puppy.

[Trino]

Next time, put me a table. I'm like, dude, I'm gonna be like.

[Adam]

My name is Adam. And me and Trino have been together for going on 19 years. October 26th. We. We just been doing like social media for a minute. And to be honest, like this wasn't something that I ever wanted for myself. Like I'm shy. I'm really a shy person, you know? And so like I am. I do it. And it's because threeo's there. But you know what, when it comes to tik tok, like we do tik tok and I know music, so I know like old school. I know. So that's why I'm always in the front. Cuz I'm the one that knows all the lyrics, you know, I get down and I have to teach him. It takes us a couple days.

[Trino]

No, cuz you're skinny. If I'm in front of him, you.

[Adam]

See my eyes in the background.

[Trino]

Adam's jumping like.

[Adam]

You know what's funny is that on social media we actually get a lot of like, hey, how come Adam's always in the front? Why don't 3nova get in the front? We tried doing that, but if he gets in the front, you can't see me because he covers the whole dude.

[Trino]

I'm like this.

[Alan Ice]

I'm actually so excited that the nerlos aqua ustes really going in deep to really get to know my guests. So almost with. And today we have two guests. So we're going to go little by little, you know. Uno. How was it like growing up for Trino, but on me?

[Trino]

Like my, my, like my memory started in Mexico. They were not the most pleasant for me. I think I heard a little bit of what you said when you came over here. It was very new, you know, I never really seen people with blue eyes or blonde hair. And I was like, what the fuck? So it was really. It was a strange things for me. And then Mexico was nothing but bad memories for me. Trauma for me, you know what I'm saying? Like, I just needed to grow up really fast.

[Alan Ice]

And a year later, familia and they come back to the states. What was that like? You know, what was that like growing up?

[Trino]

Okay, so. And I was going to like kindergarten, you know, the older I'm getting, I realized that my struggle with school was because I struggled at home and everywhere around me. I was born in Ventura and then we moved to Mexico. So then right away my memory started there because like, you know, some people, like, they remember their stuff when they're three, four, five. But on me it was five, you know, and it was in Mexico. But when my parents moved to, to, you know, they moved to Oxnard to make money or whatever they were trying to do, I Think they were just. They were. It was hard for them. I think it was decision that they needed to make. They have no other choice. But I didn't understand it. If they explained it to me, I didn't get it. They took my younger sister, and they left the rest of us there with my grandparents. So then it was just, like. Was just a struggle for me.

[Alan Ice]

Do you feel like, you know, because you kind of were left with your grandma, do you feel like your connection with her was a little stronger?

[Trino]

No, my grandma wasn't my segue. I feel like my grandparents. I love my grandparents, but I didn't have attachment with them. We have so many families that I feel like, for me, I feel like I never was attached to my grandparents. I was attached to my mom. My mom left me. You know what I mean? So that. That really me up. Like, I felt like a bandit. And then a lot of stuff happened to me because she wasn't there to protect me. I hate these. And they're going straight to hell. No Catholic.

[Alan Ice]

Oh, okay.

[Trino]

And they're gonna go to hell. But it was so, you know, to the US My grandparents, right away. Right away, my sisters got piojos. It was ghetto, you know? I mean. Yeah.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

So that. And then when. When I came, I was wearing girl shirt. Every. It was a mess. I just feel like it's not the way your grandparents play. Not every grandparents, but at least my grandparents, you know, And I just. That was my experience.

[Alan Ice]

Before you came back to the United States, you know, did you ever, you know, let your parents know, like, mom, I'm not happy here.

[Trino]

I think I voiced that when I was already older. I think that I was screaming in my own way. They were so focused on trying to make me the boy that. Because you think you're being with cuatronas, like I said earlier, and I was the only boy, and I'm a junior.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

So there were expectations for me. And right away, I started moving. You know what I mean? So they were too focused on trying to mold me, how they want me to be, that they started forgetting who Trino really was and why was I here. I was here for a reason. I had beautiful qualities. But every quality that I was showing, it was like, nope, Nope. Because my comfort was women. They made me feel comfortable. Men hurt me. They. They crossed all the boundaries with me, you know? So that wasn't. That wasn't. I. I didn't like men. You know what I mean? So women was the women that made me feel like, Trino can be. I Right away, understood that being trino was not good. So then I started needing to survive, and I was like, all right, let me handle this. You know what I'm saying? Because in La casa en toas, it's like, for no reason. So I was like, oh, let me protect myself. You know what I mean? So busquel molo. Because I was waiting. Somebody is going to come and make me feel like they understand me, or somebody's going to come here and, you know, protect me from what I'm going through. And nobody came. So I came. People knew it was gay because I was close to my mom, because I was a little bit more fragile, was a sweet boy. I love to dance. I love to sing. You know what I mean? Yeah. There's pictures of me because I will do dances, you know, you know, merengue la cumbia. And. But then he was enjoying it too much. I was scared of things. So that's what made people feel like when they should have took care of that. Now I'm. I'm a man that's a little bit hearted, and that. That I'm working on. That. That wasn't who I am. I am a fragile man, but I'm still strong and I'm brave in my own way.

[Alan Ice]

Do you feel like because of that, you almost had to hide who you.

[Trino]

Really were going, oh, I needed to hide it because. Because it was definitely. If it wasn't in my house, it was everywhere else that I was a target.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

And I was like, hell, no. You know, so I needed to do that.

[Alan Ice]

I relate a lot to that. Growing up, you know, I grew up con esprimas. You know, I was very much a mommy's boy and also a grandma's boy.

[Adam]

Right.

[Alan Ice]

Like, you know, growing up. So I always love watching the novels. I don't know. She did a novella back in the day, and it was El Vale del Sapito, if, you know, you know me. But I remember little, you know, little. So I would always be with my primas, playing with munas. And to me, that was lomas normal. Up until I started hearing people kind of talk about it, and I'm like, oh, wait, is that not normal? And it kind of almost made me feel like I needed to, like, change who I really was, to kind of adapt to that.

[Trino]

Yeah.

[Alan Ice]

Did you ever felt like at any moment in your childhood, you almost had to really suppress entirely yourself?

[Trino]

Well, I. I did. I definitely did. When I was, like, a preteen, I was like, yeah, yeah, enough is enough. You know what I'm saying. So then I started just talking to any girl and me, you know, I was running these streets, I was robbing shit like yeah, but I was almost numb, you know, I mean I was almost numb, but I remember when I started doing that like.

[Aura Sponsor]

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[Trino]

I don't have a record now, but I had a record when I was younger because I thought it was madre, you know what I mean? But I realized how I made my mom so proud, you know, me and I was like, oh, everybody back up. Ain't no fool was with me. I was like, oh, dating girls at the time then? Yeah, I mean like a kaiga. Yeah, like a kaiga. I mean Liberta Paramil was like, I don't give a who she was. You know, there was. I had boundaries though, so nobody would know. Like I wasn't being sexually active like that, but you know, just, you know, because I was still. That Trinito was still in me, you know, I was walking around and still in fear. But I was, you know, doing things. I was drinking, I was smoking, smoking weed. I was like, let me not give a but. And I struggle with anxiety. When I was little, I don't think a Lot of people know that, but when I was little, I used to struggle with intense anxiety. But living in a Mexican family, they were just, you know, like. Like I couldn't. Like. Like the darkness will scare me because I knew that my dad was really controlling on. Like, we couldn't turn the TV on and the TV need to turn off in certain time. I just remember being at my best. Like, I just felt the way I always feel alone, you know? I mean, the loneliness at night with the quietness will give me intense anxiety. So that happened for so long for me. And I will go, and I will go to my mom. They even cleansed me and they took me places when in reality it was just anxiety. I was afraid of my future. I was like, what kind of. What kind of grown man am I gonna be? You know what I'm saying? And the men that they were around it, that were gay amigos, get on gay. They were, like, really flamboyant, but they were their best friends. But they were a joke to them, like, all those. They like to be around them because, you know that, you know, we gays, we hype our girlies up. They were a joke, you know, I mean, I was like, I can't be like that. Am I gonna be like that? You know what I'm saying? And just, you know, anybody that was gay around me, that was in high school, I never talked to them. I never wanted to talk to them.

[Alan Ice]

They.

[Trino]

I was them in my own way. Inside me, I was them. So I admire them in a way, but it was. It was too much feelings for me, you know?

[Alan Ice]

Like, you almost didn't want people to be like, oh, I see wild gayos. Or why. Why would you kind of not.

[Trino]

Yeah, definitely that. Definitely that. I was like, you know, since I was little, since my memory, I was already being judged. Yeah. You know what I mean? So here I made people forget that I was going to be gay. Oh, I can't remind these no more.

[Alan Ice]

For five years, you know, what was that like? You know, Mexico and then having to do a whole 180 and coming to the United States. What was that like?

[Trino]

I don't even know. Like, I think that when my parents were. Were here and they left us, it felt like a year, and it probably was just months, but it just made such a big impact for me that yo con no merre separacam. It was very, like, just. But Mexico, you know what I'm saying? So that's really, like, nightmares of Mexico. So I never even like to even think of going Back to Mexico, Parami. I feel like, you know, I was too little and a lot of things happened to me when I was younger. Like, younger when I was. It was too quick and I needed to really learn. Wasn't okay over here. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you know me. So. Yeah.

[Alan Ice]

Were you already speaking English?

[Trino]

So for me, it was just like. And I think that that was something that I. My. My mom was like, come on, they were raised here like. Like, we're. Like, we're a month. What was the point? One of my mother, sisters, they. They went to school here. They went. So tell me. You know, they still have their struggles, but. But for me, I came and everything was like, you know.

[Alan Ice]

You didn't know.

[Trino]

Yeah, Yeah, I didn't know. So it was very taboo to me. Like, it's still to this day. I remember coming to the airport because when we came from Mexico, my mom. We love pajaros, like, you know, like pericles and stuff like that. Like, I. To this day, I love. So we move here. We have a perico, and we brought him over here. But my mom numbed his tongue. She sneaked him in.

[Alan Ice]

Mexico to here.

[Trino]

In the airport because real little. So they didn't. At the time, they didn't check after the, you know, 9, 11, they got into strict. So she did that. So to the. So in the. In the airport, she was going to the restroom and numbing and stuff because he will talk a lot of. So. So then when we're at the airport, that's the memory. And I remember the memories of, like, the way a white woman smell those, like, the cheap, expensive smells. Sometimes when I go to airports or certain places, there's that perfume that goes to me in. When I came here, you know.

[Alan Ice]

Was that, like, struggle for you growing up?

[Trino]

It was definitely a struggle for me to fit in, too. It was a struggle for me to fit in. I think that I was. I was in a very Hispanic environment, but I was very different. Yeah, I knew that very early on. People made it very clear to me, and it was just something that I needed to. I hated that about me. Obviously, I got to a. A certain, you know, place in my life that I'm like, I love how I'm very different. Yeah, I love. I. That was a. That was a journey for me. When I was little, I was that kid that they would try to bully. You know what I mean? I was. I was. I was outcasted for your sexuality. My ways, you know, I mean, I had a ways and I was Because I always been very. I'm very vibrant. I'm. I'm finally embracing Tonito, who he needed to be embraced, you know, and with zero given, you know what I'm saying? But he wasn't allowed and he was pointed out, you know, And I noticed it's like me being me being me. It's like it brings a lot of chaotic to my life. My dad's disappointed of me, My mom's disappointed. I'm bullying at school. I'm being outcasted. I'm being targeted. I need to figure this out. You know what I mean? You know, my mom's. You know, I mean, so little things like that was like. So then I started analyzing myself.

[Adam]

Even the way it came down to you. And just sweeping with the broom.

[Trino]

Yeah, I think I was giving it a little bit. I was going down stripper. Imagine I was doing a split. So then I started really, you know, getting in my head. I think that's why I became a very strong overthinker, you know, I mean that I'm working on it. But yeah, like, I think that that's what it was. So then I will pick up the phone. Hola, Mika. Click. It's not even a gay thing. It's just a boy of the process. But for me, it was like, I already feel like amika and I think that I already feel extremely feminine and I do like the girl stuff. And it's like, what's wrong with me? You know what I'm saying? So I've learned to just kind of like love and embrace that. I am a masculine man with my feminine ways. And that doesn't make me less of a man, you know what I'm saying? But I didn't understand that back then.

[Alan Ice]

And it is crazy because as a child you do feel that difference. Those reproaches or those comments from people. And we're gonna get back to that because I do want to talk about both of your guys's coming out story.

[Adam]

I'm not a listen this way, you.

[Alan Ice]

Know, how was Adam growing up? Where did you grow up in?

[Adam]

So I grew up. I grew up, of course, like, my mom was a single woman. You know, my dad would come in out of our lives and, you know, and me being the only boy because I have like three sisters, you know, like, we have the same similar story. But his dad was in his picture, mine wasn't, you know, and. But I always wanted him there, you know, just. It was hard for me because I felt like for real, the only man in the House. Like, I needed to protect them, and I never could do that, you know? Like, I felt like I just was never. I don't know. Even when it came down to, like, just like, there was a time when they heard me. My mom and my thea heard me peeing with, like, standing up. It was like, the biggest deal. Like, they almost wanted to buy me a cake, you know, they were so proud of me.

[Trino]

What were you. They were. You were. You were copying your sisters. You were sitting down.

[Adam]

I. Well, I don't know. I don't know. I didn't even know. I didn't even know that I needed to stand up, you know, also, because I didn't have no man to direct correct me.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

But I don't know why. I just maybe tried it one time. I don't know. I was like, let me see if this works.

[Trino]

You were doing that. You were just.

[Adam]

And so I remember.

[Alan Ice]

I do, too. Yeah.

[Adam]

Did you people like standing up? And I was like, yeah. They cried.

[Trino]

They.

[Adam]

They hugged each other. Oh, my God.

[Alan Ice]

They're all celebrating. Wait, so it was that bad, like, growing up for who you really were? How old were you when you started feeling different?

[Adam]

You know what? I feel like I've. I never felt what it is to be normal, you know?

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

I always felt like growing up, especially with all. Like, there was no man around me, you know? Like, I. My mom put me in Boy Scouts, she put me in baseball because she wanted me to become that manly person. And I just always felt like I just wasn't kind of good enough being who I was, you know? And even when I try to be like. Like there was times, like, where I would. Like when I was playing baseball, it was hard for me because I felt like. I know I wasn't good, you know?

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

And you know what? It's not that I wasn't good. It was that I was so insecure about me that I would. I was afraid to try.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

You know, like, I even was. My mom put me. My uncle was like. He used to do, like, wrestling. He was a coach. And I remember I was there, and I remember there was times where I'm like, I know I could body flip this fool right here, but I never tried. And I was scared. And I would allow myself just for them to pin me down so it could be over.

[Alan Ice]

Over.

[Adam]

You know, I mean, I never. And now as an adult, like, I'm. I'm so. Like, not that I'm even confident. Not that I'm confident, but I'm really, like. I'M really competitive.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

So, like, I don't like to lose, you know? And so, like, now I will put all my all into.

[Trino]

Look at you, too.

[Adam]

I'm not gonna lose.

[Trino]

There's some strong right here.

[Alan Ice]

Of pure strong.

[Trino]

Yeah.

[Alan Ice]

That's gonna upset a lot of people, that word, you guys. But if you're not gay, you can't say it. We can, though.

[Trino]

Yeah.

[Alan Ice]

We're embracing the word.

[Adam]

Yeah. You know what? To me, I feel like. You know what? Like, it was like, for a minute, it was like, even sometimes when three. No says it the way he says it, I'm like. But it's like, to me, it's like, you know the word. You know?

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Women, like, they were called that, and it degraded them, and it was like, man, I'm just, you know, like, you're putting them down. But now they're like, if you're gonna call me, you better call me the baddest bitch you've ever met. You know, you just the baddest faggot you ever fucking. And that's what I feel like we do. Like, we're not. We're not sensitive like that. Like, you can say the word gay. You could say the word. There's a lot of people that are so sensitive with that. We're not. You mean, I know who I am, and it's like, yeah, people want to stereotype me that way, but I don't see myself that way. I'm just. I just love who I love. I love a little different than maybe most of you guys. And. But when. When you're. When you step to somebody's face and you're talking down to them, calling them the fort, then that's when it's gonna be a problem for me, you know? But until then, it's like, I don't want to take a joke.

[Alan Ice]

I think it just depends in the demo the way they say it. And I'm gonna, like. But if you're just saying, yes, I am, you know. Did you never have a relationship with your dad growing up?

[Adam]

You know what? Like, I didn't have a relationship. There was times when my. My dad would come in the picture, and I. Like, I said I always wanted a man in my life, you know? Like, I didn't have a brother. I didn't have. I just have sisters. And I remember there was times when I was little and. And maybe I just was being that little bratty brother that just always wanted to follow them around, and they were getting to ages where they were, like, starting into boys And I remember they used to, like, they didn't want me around them. And I was like, dude, you guys are all I have, you know?

[Trino]

Mijo, you gotta stop it.

[Alan Ice]

Give him a napkin.

[Adam]

My mascara.

[Trino]

You know what? I love your sisters, but fuck these.

[Adam]

Listen. So, like, there was times when I'm like, I. Dude, I don't have nobody, you know, I don't have my dad. My mom always worked two jobs, and it's like, I just had my sisters, you know? I'm sorry. I don't really talk about my. Like, I don't really talk about his dad. I don't really talk about nothing when it comes to my feelings. Like, I'm just always like, okay, so let me. Just let me crash for a little bit. I just, like. Like, this was when I was younger, growing up, you know? And then there became a time when my. I have an older sister, then I have a younger sister. And then I had. We're all kind of two years apart, you know? And then I have. Which is. So there's four of us total. And I remember there was like, I was 12 years old, and my sister, she was kind of getting bad into drugs, you know, like, she was getting into drugs. She was like, I was 12, she was 14. She got into drugs. And then I remember one time she was in the restroom. I remember this day like it was yesterday. It was Cinco de Mayo, right. And I remember I was in the sixth grade, and her and my guy friend were in the restroom together. And I was like, hey, I couldn't find them. So I found out they're in the restaurant together. And I was like, I'm gonna tell Mommy and the rest of them with the boy if, you know, like, I'm gonna tell you. I didn't know.

[Alan Ice]

Like, you thought they were doing something.

[Adam]

Else, like just making out or something or some.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

And so they're like, hey, like, if you don't tell. Well, I'll tell you what, you know, we're doing if you don't telling us. So that. I remember they took me to the restroom and they showed me. Like, there was like they had got like a. Like, you know, like a. Like a. Like a light bulb. And they. Back then, like, they didn't have the pipes they have now all that technology, you know, like, all that upgrade they do now. And so they broke the biggest piece and they got it. And they were just like, they would do that. And I remember I tried it, and I remember it was crystal meth. And I remember I was so addicted like, since the age of 12. Like, I used to steal from family. I used to. I used to just do what I needed to do to get that, you know? And I remember, like, that's what made me, like, not really need nobody in my life, you know? Like I said, I used to follow my sisters around, and I used to want to be there. And then after that drug became like, every. That boy, they became my dad, it became my mom. That was always working. It became everything I needed. And that's why I feel like, why don't. So this very day, I don't really talk about my emotions like that unless it's with three. No. You know, and I home by herself. I don't talk because I've known for so long, Since I was 12, how to shut them off.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Like, even when I first met him and I was so addicted, I would. There was times when we would fight and I would be like. I was like. I knew how to shut it off. And even though I was so sad, like, I didn't know how to cry back to him when he was crying to me, because I still was struggling at that moment, you know, that. That's how I felt. Like, I hid from myself, like. Like I. It made me not care. It made me not, like. And. And it just, like, it just made me shut off, you know, that's it. That's how I feel. Like I survived my teenage years not having nobody, you know?

[Alan Ice]

You know, I've seen an interview where you guys were talking about, you know, your addiction, and I really was, you know, very inspired because it really does take a lot to, you know, go online and talk about things like that, you know? No. You know, you try this drug and you become addicted. Did anyone around you, family, mom, or.

[Adam]

Anyone ever notice when I was 12 years old, like. Like my sister, that they introduced me to it because she was younger self. Like, I can never just live my life blaming her, like, till this very day that the sister I'm. I speak of, you know, I'm so close to her. I love her. We both have changed our lives around, and I love her. She's, like, been there through it all, you know. And so anyway, so she was younger self. She was 14. My older sister was probably, like, 16. And then it was my mom always gone. So, like, there was no one around to even really realize the change at the beginning, you know. And then by the time they did realize it, like, it was already too late for me. I remember I. I just felt like I was gonna die in my Addiction because I didn't see nothing else but that. I didn't care about nothing else. I didn't care about a relationship. I didn't care about nothing. Maybe they did notice, you know, they knew I was going down the wrong path, but they didn't know how deep it was. So young, you know, especially like I see these 12 year olds now, like that were my age when I did that. And I'm like, I can't even imagine seeing these little kids twisting the pipe, you know, at that age. And it's like that's all I knew. So I just felt like, you know, like when you're younger, you feel like you already grown, you already know what's up. When that was me, like I just felt like this is just what 12 year olds do at the time, you know, or something. I don't know.

[Alan Ice]

So like never in your mind it across like, oh, I shouldn't be doing this. It just kind of felt like the normal for you.

[Adam]

You know what? It felt like the normal especially because it just, it gave me, it gave me a strength. It gave me like, it gave me a confidence I never had. It made me feel like I was the baddest person in the room, you know, like I could be anybody up and. And throughout the. My whole like addiction, it always changed. Like the beginning I said like sit and write. I used to write poems, I used to write like music and stuff like that, you know. And then it made me want to like be bad, you know, like just fight people. And then eventually like towards the end, it kind of, it was. Became a sexual drug for me, you know. And so like, it was just so many different stages and I felt like so I just never was. I never thought in my right mind, you know, So I don't even. I feel like when I met, I feel like I finally found out who I really was, you know, as a person. Because at 12 you're barely becoming who you are. And I skipped all those years and, and even like I met him when I was 20. No, five. When I was 25. And so I still like, like it took me a couple years after that to still get off of that. I hid it behind his back, you know, there was a lot of things like that. And so it's like, yeah, it's just, it just, it just, it just filled the void that I felt like I was so empty inside for so many years. Just growing up, I was probably like, maybe, I would say in the sixth grade, maybe seventh. And there was times I feel horrible saying this. But, like, okay, no one knows this story.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

So I'm gonna tell you right here. So there was a time that, like, my, My. So like, we used to stay with my grandpa, you know, in his house. My grandma passed away already. He used to sleep in the living room. And I remember there was times when I would. He would like, you know, have his. He would just sleep in his underwears, but he would have his pants right there by him with his. And I used to go, like, while he was sleeping, I used to drag his pants all the way to my room and I would take the pan. Oh, my God. So, yeah, I used to do that, you know, and I stay. And I remember in the morning, he would wake up and he'd be like, hey, someone took my money. And I'm like, I don't know what you thought I was asleep.

[Alan Ice]

It's not out of me in sixth.

[Adam]

Grade, I don't do that kind of, you know, like, who does that? You know? So I remember little moments like that. And then, like, I mean, this. This. This. This next story I'm going to tell you is like a. A story that my mom knows and. And. And it's something that I don't ever hold, like, ever hold, like, so proudly, like. But it was just like, really a rough time in my. In my addiction that when my dad passed away, like, my dad had, I think was his wedding ring or her wedding ring when they were married. And I remember I sold it. I sold it for math, you know, and my mom ended up finding out, and we were trying to find it so she can pay to get it back when I could never found it. And I just. And it probably was like just a little 20 sack, you know?

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

And it's like, how could I have done that to something that just. There's a lot of things that I feel like I. I talk about it now, and it just makes me stronger knowing where it came from.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

I don't ever like to put things in front of me to. To make me to. To like, look down on myself, you know, when we first started doing, like, interviews and stuff like that, Trina used to tell me, like, hey, stop talking about your drug already. You know, And I say, you know what? Like, if I don't talk about it and people that know me from back in the day and. And especially now with the surgery, you know, like, they're gonna see like, oh, that little big.

[Trino]

It was happening though, too. It was black always like, oh, he's back in the drug.

[Adam]

He's Back.

[Trino]

No, we will definitely get calls for certain people and be like, no, for family members.

[Alan Ice]

You're like, not like a weight loss surgery. We know.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Alan Ice]

We don't tell you that.

[Adam]

Yeah, like, we had family members that would call like, hey, like, is. Is Adam okay? You know, like, you know, like, you.

[Trino]

See, but, you know, I mean, yeah, we're like, it. Whatever if he is, but they were for money.

[Adam]

They weren't in my circle like that, you know, like. Like that much, you know? So, like, I mean, of course they wouldn't understand. They probably didn't know what was going on. So, like, just little moments like that, it's like, especially, you know, but now I feel like I said, when it comes to doing interviews, like, I don't like to let people, like, just know something of me and me not speak at first, because it's like, then, like, you can use it against me if I'm trying to hide it. Like, then it's gonna feel like you have a power over me. Like, I. I say proudly, you know, like one that I knew. I'm saying, someone I knew. She. To this very day, she struggled. And. And till this very day, she straightened her life up. But it makes her emotional. It makes her emotional talking about it because she's ashamed of where she came from. So she hides it. And she don't want people to know.

[Trino]

But everybody knows.

[Adam]

Like, if I stop talking about, people are gonna forget.

[Trino]

But see, that's. That's something he taught me, like, because people start looking down on you. But he taught me that he was taking power out of something and he will walk really strong. So I was like, you know what? That's beautiful. So the person that he's talking about walks around like, it didn't happen, but we know.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Trino]

And you walk around like you're better and you were not. Yeah, crack like, you know, own that. Because it's like, come on. Like, he wants. You want to act like everybody forgot we didn't and that. That makes it so unlike it. But people like her remind me to continue to be more transparent with myself and everybody around. Because what people got to say. But that's the beauty of it. We all have a past.

[Alan Ice]

I think once you accept your past, you're able to walk on la fronte alto to ever set up at 12, you started getting addicted. How would you. You would go to, like, your neighborhood.

[Adam]

When I first started doing, it was, you know, like, it was brought into by my sister and my dad. Like I said, he was never really in my life. But, like, at the age of 12, he started coming back, and he and my mom got back together. But I felt like it was probably around 13 or 14 where he, like, really, like, where they were going to be married and all this and that. And we found out one day because we were at. We're. It was me and my sister visiting my dad. And I remember we're sitting on his bed, and I remember, like, there was, like, those foam pillows where I started reading. A pillow. But they make it a pillow. They just put a little, like. A little, like, pillowcase over, you know?

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

So that's what it was. And my sister grabbed the pillow, and I remember she stuck her hand in it. There was a little crack. And then so she, like, pulls out this bag of meth. My dad was selling it. And I remember, like, he, like, just smiled. I just remember, like, he smiled. She put it back. But then when we left that weekend, she stole that. She started doing all her friends, and so she took it. So my dad used to do it. And then. So when he really came back into our lives, he started, like, he was trying to make up for all the years he was gone, you know, so he would give it to us, and. And so we would do with our dad and. And my. You know, if not my dad, my sister. Huh.

[Alan Ice]

Like, how old were you when that was happening?

[Adam]

I'll say, like, maybe, like, at this age already, probably, like, maybe 14. It was like. There was, like. It was a. When I first had my first girlfriend, I was, like, 16 years old. So it was before that.

[Alan Ice]

Oh, so it's very early on.

[Adam]

Yeah, yeah, it's very early on. And I remember, like, what made a division in our family was, like, I was addicted. I really was addicted, you know, and for being so young, it's like kind of like I grew up with that drug in my system. And I remember there was a time when him. Him and my sister had this little thing. Like, they got upset with each other. And so he kind of mentioned, like, you know what? No more drugs for you. He said that to my sister in front of my mom. And I remember mom was so brokenhearted, you know, Like. Like, she couldn't realize what, you know, that we were doing that especially so young. And I remember, like, I love my mom till this very day. Like, me and my mom are like, that's my queen, you know? And. And I remember, like, I lived in the same house with her, and for, like, maybe three days, I didn't say one word to her because she was like, so Disappointed in me, you know?

[Alan Ice]

Did you feel that disappointment?

[Adam]

I felt like, very disappointed to like I was supposed to be that one that protected her, you know, and I just felt like so bad and, and I remember it hurt me and it made me hate my dad because of that. And I, I hated the fact that he kept coming in out of our lives and he was choosing other women over my mom and he was raising other kids like they were his when I was supposed to be his junior, you know?

[Alan Ice]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam]

And so like, I'm his oldest and my name is Adam and he has a son that's younger than me which passed away, you know, because, you know, life happens and that's his junior, you know, and that's the one he raised and that's the one that, that had his whole name. And you know, I, I moved on. Like, like, like I, maybe I'm sounding like I'm venting a little bit because I'm just trying to.

[Alan Ice]

No, let's do it. Vent it out.

[Adam]

I love, but I love my dad. And no matter what I say about him, like, I don't, I don't ever want to speak bad about him.

[Trino]

Him.

[Adam]

I don't. I'm just telling my story. I just want people to know where I come from, you know, and, and it's like to this very day, I don't hold that against my dad. Like at the beginning, I used to feel like, you know, like all the times he cheated on my mom, all the times he left me, all the times he promised to pick us up and never would come. Like, I get it. I'm a grown ass man and like, I don't make the best decision as a parent, you know, so why am I going to hold that to him? I'm never going to do that. And I feel like that's why I live so happy and so free now. Because I don't hold grudges to people. Like, shit happens if we're friends and we don't become friends anymore. Let's just move on. I wish you the best, you know, Wish me the best as well. Let's keep it moving. I don't like to hold grudges because I feel like that's gonna just make someone feel like they have something over me. Yeah, I just, I just be as honest as I can with myself and just like sometimes just shit doesn't work out. And I wish, I always thought, you know, I wish you could have met my dad because my dad was maybe not the best dad, maybe not the best parent. And Maybe not the best husband, but.

[Alan Ice]

He was your dad.

[Adam]

But he was my dad. And he was a good friend. My dad was a good friend of people. And he loved. You know, my dad loved. But maybe just the people he really should have. He. Maybe he. You know, he struggled. He. Apparently he did math. He was an alcoholic. That's how he passed away. But he would have loved, you know, he would have been. You know what?

[Trino]

That's something that I. I loved about Adam that I saw. And I question it, because obviously, being I was 19 when I met him. Yeah, I was like, oh, like, I can see his heart. But what about if it's like a delusional because we're young, we're like, hi, is it. Is my prince Charming. I'll crack the out, you know, But I feel like I saw him, you know, he was. Yeah, but what about if I'm tripping? Obviously, within years. He has a big heart because the way he loves his dad, when his dad really did up his life, when his dad put him through a lot of stuff, you know what I'm saying? He loves hard, you know, I mean, so it's beautiful to see that, you know, that Adam teaches me that. Yeah, Adam's a really. If you become friends to Adam, he's gonna fuck with you.

[Alan Ice]

What was the moment for you where you're like, you know what? This is getting serious. I do have a problem. And what was your journey like when it came down to recovery?

[Adam]

You know what? Like, I remember there was a time, like, I can specifically remember this time. And I remember. I can't even. I'll say, maybe I was like, 18, 19 already at this time. And I remember there was a time that my mom, she worked. She worked. Like, at that time, she was working at a hospital 12 hours a day. She would come home from work and I would still be up probably from like the last week she went to work. You know, like, I never slept. And I remember she was like, I just remember I just started crying her. And I was like, I just need help. Like, I. And she was willing to get it for me, but I couldn't. Like, I like the story. I remember. I remember the story as, like, she didn't take me serious, maybe, you know, but we talked about it, and she's like, mihoy, I took you to Team Challenge, which is a place, like, where I. I'm originally from Bakersfield. It was like, over there in that area. And I do remember going there, but I don't remember the situation why, you know, And I Just remember there was many times when, like, I would be, like, alone in my room, so unhappy, you know, so unhappy. And I just felt like this is not making me happy anymore. It's not. It's not covering, like, the emptiness I feel, you know? I was like, crying so hard that I remember I was burning, like, what I was smoking. Like, I couldn't even see what I was smoking anymore. I just remember just doing drugs and crying, so unhappy. And I was like, I want this to be my life, you know, like, at that probably, like, like fast forwarding a little bit. Like, I was like in my 20s already. And I remember I was talking to a friend that is no longer here. You know, he was hit by a car like, a couple times because. I don't know, I can't even say why, because we kind of, like, went our separate ways, but he passed away by getting hit by a car. And I remember I was saying, like, is this our life? Like, we're already in our 20s and these little youngsters, like, they're having cars. I don't even have a job at this point, you know, Like, I remember I was struggling that hard. And when. When I met Reno, like, I felt like he. He gave me something to want to be better for, you know, and. And like, I never saw myself with a kid. Like, you know, and. And when I met him, like, he. He brought me a daughter and. And. And not just a daughter, but the most perfect daughter, you know, I couldn't even. I couldn't even bring. Bring to this world a better daughter than Natalie. Natalie's amazing. She's everything that I would want my kid to be, you know, and I'm blessed to have her. And I feel like I wanted. I wanted to be that better person for her and him, you know, because they deserve that, you know, that's what made me have the strength to really overcome. When I met him, like, I was on the run. And I remember I was like, look, I just want, like, I'm on the run, man. You know, like, I had felony on me. There was like. And then I was on top of that running from it, so it's probably going to bring other charges. And one day we just decided, like, you know, I'm turn myself in. And I remember it was like, I think the day after Mother's Day, and he took me to the police station.

[Trino]

Because of the reality.

[Adam]

And I didn't go. I didn't go that time. I was like. I got off the car and I was like, you know what? I'm Just gonna go, like, maybe I don't want to.

[Trino]

I mean, it's a scary.

[Adam]

I didn't want to leave him, and then so I was like, I. You know, so we ended up leaving, and then it was another day that he dropped me off and he went inside with me, and I remember, like, he gave me the courage to, like.

[Trino]

And I didn't want him to do that either, but I feel like we're stuck. I, like, you know, he was broken from drugs. I was broken with. Just, like, when I. When I met Adam, I saw somebody that cannot judge me. And right away, the first day, I fell in love with him. Yeah, I cried to him, and I told him. I just. I was like, I can finally breathe right now with somebody that's being judged every second. So then, for me, I feel like that's what it was. And then us being together so fast, I was like, you know what? We can have a future if you're having this.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

You know what I'm saying?

[Alan Ice]

Always be running away.

[Adam]

Yeah. You thought, I don't even think I'm getting Clyde.

[Trino]

Yeah, that sounds fun, but it's not realistic.

[Alan Ice]

You're like, I don't want to do that. What was it like when you, like, turned yourself in? Like, you show up and you're like, hey, y'all have been looking for me. I'm right here.

[Adam]

Yeah, so I went in, and I was like, hey, looking for you. Yeah, exactly what it is. I'm like, hey, my name's Adam, and I'm fugitive. You know, I like that.

[Trino]

They're like, okay, hold up.

[Adam]

There you are. We thought, you know, they didn't even recognize.

[Trino]

Yeah, we've been looking for you.

[Adam]

So what he said was, he's like, you know what? Like, thank you for turning yourself in, because we have been looking, you know, of course, probably not every day, like, I'm the FBI's most wanted, you know? Yeah, but.

[Trino]

But that's the way you think in your head.

[Adam]

Yeah. I felt like, oh, gosh, they're up the streets. They're. They're around. They're hiding the bush, you know? So, yeah, when I went and they say, you know what? I could tell by. By, you know, like, you know, your monk shot that's you're trying to get your life. I started gaining weight because, I mean, yeah, I still did it behind his back, but I didn't do it every day like I used to. So I started gaining weight, you know, and I looked healthier than when I did that mug shot. So he's Like, I could tell you're trying. Thank you for doing this. And we're gonna try to help you the most we could. So, like, we're gonna give you three.

[Trino]

So that help.

[Adam]

They're gonna give me three years in prison. So I was like, that is not helping me, motherfucker. You talked to. You need to talk to you. But no, because. So they gave me three years, and they ended up giving me six months because I turned my. They dropped it lower, so which was good. And then when I went to jail, they. I became an inmate labor, and. And I started working for the jail inside there, you know, and so that dropped my time down even more. So I only did, like, maybe what, three, four months, maybe.

[Trino]

It was. It was. It was long.

[Adam]

We were able to move on with our life, you know, and you guys.

[Alan Ice]

Were already dating at the time. How was that like for you? Obia Mentee, you know, the man you love is now in jail. What was that?

[Trino]

It was really hard for me because I feel like he was the only person that I feel like I was able to be. Be myself and be seen. So. But again, it was like, I don't even know. Like, now I'm, like, being me being so young. I don't even know why. I feel so bold to be like, you gotta make this decision so we can be better.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

But I just feel like he was already part of my family. I feel like I see his heart.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

And I don't trust nobody around my baby. I didn't trust Adam right away. The reason that, you know, Natalie, our daughter and Adam are closed is because it was something organic. I was not going to be playing casita. You know what I mean? I was not going to be that hot. That's going to be like, okay, no. And I didn't trust Adam. I didn't trust nobody. Not a man or a woman, you know?

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

So. But she taught. She taught me that this is. This is somebody that she can trust.

[Alan Ice]

What was it like for you in those six months in prison or jail? What was that like?

[Adam]

You know what? It was hard. Like, I felt like every day. I wasn't missing three. No. You know, he wrote so much. I wrote a letter.

[Trino]

No. So I was drawing just. I was drawing stick figures. Like.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah. I don't even know how to reply.

[Adam]

Every day I will write.

[Trino]

He will bring it back with correcting everything. I was like, what?

[Alan Ice]

The.

[Adam]

The red highlighter? Like, no, do better.

[Trino]

Don't text me, because I will make no sense.

[Alan Ice]

Every day you would wake up Write him letter.

[Adam]

Oh, yeah.

[Trino]

He's a writer. I won't be overwhelmed.

[Adam]

I just would miss him. Like, I just felt like he's the one that brought me, like, a normal. Just a normal mindset, you know? Like, I didn't. I promise you. Like, I would never have. Like, even with social media, Like, I didn't. I don't. I never want. Like, I'm shy, you know? Like, I don't. Not really used to a spotlight. Like, if I'm talking like this, I could talk, but, like, when it comes to being at home and we're just pushing record on the camera, and I'm looking at this camera, and there's no one looking back at me, I get weird, you know? And then, like. And then always, like, just acting over. I was like, I can't. There's no one there. You know, who the.

[Alan Ice]

Am I talking?

[Adam]

It's like, what the. You know? So, like, I just. I just. I'm just more like. Especially being a sir because I've been a server for many years. I know how to talk to people, you know?

[Trino]

He's a good server.

[Adam]

I'm the best. I'm the best. Okay.

[Trino]

If you worked at Chili's in Whittier or Northwoods, you know, you see, compared to Adam, sorry, But you sucked. No.

[Adam]

So, like, I know how to talk, but you know what? Like, I'm gonna be honest. Like, I know how to talk, but, like, especially the way Trino is, like, he's very voiceful. He's very talkative. I was like, before, I used to be, like, I'm a talker, but then when I meet three, I feel like I can't even hold the sense he's always cutting me out, you know?

[Trino]

I mean.

[Adam]

And then I'm like, do I even know how to.

[Alan Ice]

You're like, I forgot what I was saying.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Alan Ice]

What was it like in prison with your withdrawals? Did you have many?

[Adam]

You know what? I'm gonna be honest. When I was in jail, there's drugs there, you know? And I remember there was a time that I went to court, and I think it was the day that. That you. You went. My mom was there, remember? I think Veronica was there. And I remember I was gonna be getting out. And I remember I. There was a guy, like, back in this van, and he was like, he has a. And I remember going back to our song. We did. I did a line, you know? So, like, their drugs were there. So did I. Did I really, like, just, you know, like, it's. It was this process for me, yeah. Like, I wanted the best life, but I struggled, you know, and, you know.

[Trino]

It was really hard for me. When I met him, I just feel like I knew him. There was no emotion. So then when I started getting to know who he was, that drug will take him away from me, you know, I mean, so. And it will fear me because it will make him a monster. I feel. Feel. It was. It was hard. It was hard, like, you know, so hearing him with, you know, stuff like that, I feel like I was telling you're rob me from Adam, and if anybody robs me, they get up.

[Alan Ice]

Did you ever feel up?

[Trino]

Like, that's the way I was feeling. But of course he was, you know, he was a drug addict.

[Alan Ice]

We hear a lot about, you know, family, friends, and even couples, like, giving up on the person because they feel like it's so hard to deal with the addiction. Did you ever have a moment like that?

[Trino]

I definitely feel like that because I was just thinking about my daughter. It made me feel like a piece of dad, the fact that I was believing in something, that maybe it wasn't true, but, like, I just couldn't give up to Anna because I feel like I saw his heart. You know what I mean? So it just. I just felt it. And I was no better than him. Even though I was addicted to drugs the way he was, I was up, and he was healing me right away, too. We were broken, and we built something together. Yeah, my broken. It wasn't. It wasn't, you know.

[Adam]

What?

[Trino]

Better than him or worse. You know what I'm saying? I'm no better than this. That he's, you know, he's. He's doing drugs.

[Adam]

When I first met, you know, like. Like he knew. Like, he knew what he found, you know, there's a lot of times we'd fight, he'd be like, oh, he cracking. Like, you found me in the gutter. So don't act like you didn't find a piece of trash, you know? Yeah, like I was that I was everything he said I was. But, like, what I love.

[Trino]

You look like a piece of. No, I want to look always good.

[Alan Ice]

I was an angel.

[Adam]

But if you wouldn't listen, I was gonna. I was gonna. I know he's in a. I was gonna show, like, how. Like, it's like. Like, it's like what I love about him and what makes me feel like I know he's like a ride or die for me is that when we first met, like, I wanted to be better, like I said. And I remember He. I, like, I remember this, like, it was just. We were gonna go to a movie, and so I was like, you know what? Let me. Let me stay sober. Let me not hit the pipe a little bit, you know? So I. I got as sober as I could because I couldn't get that sober. But I just remember I was trying to be classy that day. And I remember we went to the movies, and when we got to the movies, I couldn't. I couldn't. I remember I was, like, laying down, back on the seat, and I couldn't get up. I couldn't. Like. Like, I was dizzy. I felt like my body was starting to hurt me. I was having a little bit of withdrawal. And I remember we didn't even go into the movie that day. I remember.

[Trino]

And it was very new for me because, I mean, I didn't experience that. I grew up with crackiest being the lowest. You don't kick with the. That's. That's my sword. As. And then I have uncles that jot in the street, you know, and it was like, you know, of course, being gay was the embarrassment, but, I mean, it was gay. Gay was a top.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

I grew up with hearing and seeing a lot of my uncles being like. Like, yeah. So meeting him, I was just like. I didn't understand it. I was like, if we just stop out of it, just stop, like, stop doing it.

[Alan Ice]

It was like, for you, when you would hear that, obviously, it's easier said than done. What was, like, your mindset. Mindset, like, when you would have not just him, but I'm sure multiple people. Your family, your friends. Like, hey, come on. Like, want better for yourself. Obviously, in your mind, like, you couldn't really think of that too much because you were so into your addiction. What was your mind space when you would hear people telling you, like, do better and get better.

[Adam]

To me, it was exactly like. Like. Like it is today. Like. Like, it's not that easy. Yeah, it's not that easy. And I wanted it. I wanted it, and I kept fighting for it, and I never gave up on fighting for it. And I felt like it was just that. That simple for me. Like, you know, like, you would never understand. You know, like, I just felt like I was doing the best I could, and. And I'm proud of myself. Look where I'm at.

[Alan Ice]

You should be. We're all proud of you.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Alan Ice]

Because it is hard to get out of that.

[Adam]

So. So back to the story when. When I. We didn't go into the movie, so I was like, I can't. I have to go home, you know. So he took me back home. And I remember I was staying in this like garage. We used to take care of this guy. Why did. He was quadriplegic. He couldn't move from his neck down, you know. And so I remember I was living in his garage and it was like a pool table under there. And I remember. I'm so sorry. And I went under that pool table and I smoked a bowl of meth and he waited for me to smoke that bowl of meth.

[Alan Ice]

He saw you?

[Adam]

He. Well, I tried to hide from him because I was under the table. Like, I didn't get it.

[Trino]

I was like, I don't get it.

[Adam]

Like, what's happening down there?

[Trino]

Just stop being. Doing that. Like, you're so weird.

[Adam]

And so, so yeah, so like he, you know, and he like stood by my side through some times like that, you know, and. Yeah.

[Trino]

But then again, everything he's saying, I went definitely knowing that anybody that did crack a. This trash ghetto ass drugs, it was beneath us.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

Like where I grew up. But I just saw Adam and I just felt like I saw his cry and. And I was crying inside life and I just leveled myself with him in needing him. There was a lot of times I saw myself way better than him. I definitely saw him lower than me. When, you know, when you're with. With somebody for so long, gets real, you know, I mean, I was like, I am better than you kind of. But I just. I always saw Adam's strength and I. I saw Autumn's Adam's heart. And I just saw the way Adam was healing me. And I was like, well, this crack it ass, it's. It's healing me and it's gave me something that all these sober are not giving me.

[Adam]

I was making him feel better about himself.

[Trino]

I threw my heart on him, you know, I feel like I was almost was holding on to it, so. And I. And then I wasn't from Bakersfield, so when I moved to Bakersfield, I was there for just a couple months and right away I. I stumbled into him, you know, and I was just so like, you know, I just. It was just so weird, you know, to be so drawn to somebody for.

[Adam]

And at the beginning, like, like he would go to his family events, you know, and I remember he would be like, hey, we're just gonna go for the day. And I remember like, he would lie to me. He would lie to me and he would knew he was gonna spend the night weekend over there. And I remember I. I used to hurt me because I felt like, I know what I'm gonna do without you, so don't leave me like that, you know? And he would do that behind my back.

[Trino]

All right, mijo, don't be bringing that up. Let me throw that on my face.

[Adam]

And I remember I was so mad because I was like, I don't want to do this. I want to be better. But any little things that trigger for me, us being mad, him going to his mom's for the night, like, just. Just like you felt alone fighting.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Like, if I felt that, it will take me back to the one place that I didn't give a fuck about in my drug. So I would go and I would find it.

[Alan Ice]

Do you feel like at the beginning when you were with him, he was almost like your new drug addiction?

[Trino]

Yeah.

[Alan Ice]

Like, he's like, oh, I'm addicted to him. And that's why I wanted to be better, because I wanted to be good for him.

[Adam]

So, you know, I feel like I've always had, like, an addictive personality, you know, Like. Like, if it wasn't one thing was another, especially, I feel like. Because, like, I started, like, an addiction so young in age, you know, And. Yeah, so I feel like that's where we're at, you know, like, he stuck by me through all the. Through the thick and the thins, and. And 19 years later, we're. We're still together, and. And. And I'm truly blessed to be where I'm at and to be standing where I'm at. And.

[Trino]

Yeah, I think our daughter has definitely been.

[Adam]

Oh, big part, you know, I mean, she.

[Trino]

Like. I think that as parents, sometimes we feel like we're the ones teaching, but. But if you stop, your kids are teaching you something. My daughter has been. I was 18 when I had her, so I grew up with her. And as a parent, you want to just fix everything. But the parents that I had, and I love my parents, I think they're amazing, but they just acted like, yeah, I almost. Quick to be like, I up, baby.

[Alan Ice]

I up. Like, let me fix this.

[Trino]

And that's something my parents didn't do. And I think it helped a lot with my daughter. I allowed her to express how maybe I up. And it's hard to take that in because you don't want to be told. Like. Like, you made me feel like this.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

You know what I'm saying? It's hard. But I was giving her something that I wasn't taught, and it didn't. It wasn't good. And still to the day, she's the voice of a woman, but she's 21, still around us, still want to be around us. And I'm constantly being so honored and grateful. The fact that I feel like I'm not sometimes, you know, I mean, I feel like I just don't feel like sometimes the best, you know, I mean, and. And I feel like she's going to quickly run from me.

[Alan Ice]

Like you don't feel deserving, Is that what you're saying?

[Trino]

Yeah. And I'm not saying this to be a victim. This is just some real. I feel like I love who I am, but that's just. That's still around my head, haunting me sometimes.

[Adam]

No, he's still like that all the time. Yeah.

[Trino]

And. And I. I think it sounds so weak, but I say this is in the strongest way, and I think that that's just the way it feels.

[Adam]

You know what? He says that because everyone he's truly loved has abandoned him.

[Trino]

Yeah.

[Adam]

They turned his back on him. And. And Natalie is someone he truly loves. There's always.

[Trino]

And I. She's 21. I've always to her. When she was like, maybe 15, we cried about it. And she's healed me. But, you know, I have people that I love that became really Christian and have left me. Because when I'm alive, you know what I mean? I'm like, I'm not dead yet. It's like, you know, let God and I deal with that. And people just act like they're floating around me and has. Try to belittle me and shrink me.

[Alan Ice]

Because of your sexuality?

[Trino]

Because of my sexuality. And I always try to remind them, like, who am I to you, though? Yeah, like. Like, like familia. Like, focus on that.

[Alan Ice]

You know, this topic about addiction. What advice can both of you guys give to someone who is currently struggling with addiction and you three know, to someone that is currently, like, you know, dealing with someone who is struggling with addiction?

[Adam]

My advice would be like, just never to give up, you know, just know that there's. There's more to life than just living. Tip for your next hit. Life is beautiful and life's always what you make it. And I know sometimes we're dealt like a card, you know, our cards in life where it's. You feel like there's no hope, but there's. There's always hope. And it. And it's. It's going to take you to really want it for yourself, for. For anything to change, because maybe three no's gonna want it for me, but If I don't want it for myself and I don't want to find the true happiness that I know deserve, I would have never been strong enough to do this on my own. You know, even with that, with, with or without Trino. So just never give up and just know that you're so much worth the more.

[Trino]

But sometimes you do need somebody that sees.

[Adam]

Of course, of course, like support. I, I, oh, you do need support for sure.

[Trino]

And you got the support right here. This is why we stay the outside. This is why, you know, like last time we went, it was this weekend. I said we're not going to go out because we're going to pull up here and I want to be cute. Hydrated as a. And no, we went now we got up but because I wanted to see, you know, we, there's people were crying to us, you know what I mean? So I love you baby, and I'm here for you. I feel like the struggle is a struggle. It don't gotta be a drug thing. It's a struggle, you know what I'm saying? So I feel like I'm here, like I'm always inner crying all the time. I'm crying right now when I met Adam without not understanding him. And I just feel like the struggle is a struggle when you, you want to be seen, you know what I'm saying? So I feel like, look at you say Adam. But Adam was there because I saw him, but he saw me. I don't speak in his story, but we, he helped me. He didn't even know he was helping me.

[Alan Ice]

In what way?

[Trino]

He was just being there, you know what I mean? He was just being broken. He was broken when I was broken, you know what I'm saying? And he, he probably felt like no men contraste way like, like Yoland contre. Like he was just that, like ah, you heal me like no, you know. So I feel that whoever is struggling, just know that, you know, keep going, you know, keep going. And they just let it out, you know.

[Alan Ice]

I want to talk about your guys's coming up stories, you know, we're gonna start with you. What was that like? Did the people you came out to accepted you or what was that like?

[Trino]

Okay, but I mean when I came out, I feel like I came out on myself a long time ago when I was really young, you know. And it wasn't sexually for me. It was more of like I was different with my family. I felt like it was like 19 I met Adam. I never voiced it. I just saw this disappointment of My parents. Yeah. I just knew how to read a person through their eyes. So I just knew. And I never really fully came out. I just came out about my actions, and I just felt like that's what it was. So that's why for me, the older I became with Adam, since it will come out and he will be like coming out of people, and I was like, I don't feel like coming out.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

Who the are these to for me to come out? The shock factor. We always had shock factors, you know, I mean, so I never really had a fully, like, coming out moment with my family, with my sisters. I did, you know, all of them a little different, you know, letting them know, but it was just like, I just. I. There was like. Well, my parents, it was never that. Like, they always.

[Adam]

I feel like they always kind of knew.

[Trino]

They always knew. I mean, did not feel like you.

[Alan Ice]

Were going to be accepted.

[Trino]

Oh, that wasn't going to be accepted.

[Adam]

Well, like, look at. So let me tell you one story. So. So his dad, I remember one time he had kind of like brought me to his home, right. And he was still staying there at that time, but it was probably like.

[Trino]

And see, in my family. My family, we don't smoke cigarettes.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

And I smoked at that time. And so I remember, like, the dad smelled the smoke and he came out and he's like, who's here? Yeah.

[Trino]

And they liked that because they thought.

[Alan Ice]

He was like, your homie.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Trino]

Oh, he was my homie. He was my homie that was sucking.

[Adam]

I remember. And I remember his dad hearing his dad yell, if I'd rather you be a. I'd rather you be gay. No, I'd rather you be a drug addict than be gay. He's like, if I find out you're gay, I'm gonna kill you.

[Trino]

Espanol, obviously, in front of you.

[Adam]

No, no, I was in the room.

[Trino]

Yeah, my room was like a. It was. It was a garage, you know, I mean, it was a garage thing. So, yeah, you know, you know, so he knew. So that's why. That's the way it kind of was. So, you know, my dad and I always haven't been a bumpy thing. I let him voice his voice, but I was like, shut the up. You know what I mean? But I was already trying to leave my house for so long. I just feel like my parents kept breaking me. They kept breaking me down, you know? I mean, and they just. I just want them to see me of the beauty that I have.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

They don't have to celebrate My gayness. That's what I said one time. I said, I just feel like I want. I wanted my family to celebrate me. Not to celebrate me with gay flags, but celebrate Trino. Yeah, that's it.

[Alan Ice]

Like, for who you are as a person gay.

[Trino]

It doesn't really. It doesn't define who I am. You know what I'm saying? It was just Trino, and I'm Trino, and. And all those labels don't represent who I am.

[Alan Ice]

Like, it's like, you tell us that you never really came out officially to your parents. At one point, they figured out that you guys were a couple. What was that moment for you?

[Trino]

Okay. When they started figuring it out, my mom started becoming, like, really rude to Adam, but she liked Adam because Adam. Adam is a man that. He's a family man. So, yeah.

[Alan Ice]

Homie, they all love to him.

[Trino]

No, seriously, I'm not even over hyping him. He was a. All Matthias love him. Everybody liked him. Because when I was at my sister's house. Common sense. Sense.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

If you're doing. Oh, let me help you. You're like, I want to hate him, but I love that. So my mom. So then my mom started not wanting to surf. And we're eating, you know, I mean, like. Like she was just wanting her to. For me to be with somebody else. Okay. I was. There was a weird relationship between me and my new homie, you know, because I had a lot of guy friends, you know, but this relationship was different. As much as we were trying to hide it, there was a chemistry that it was. You can just tell that.

[Alan Ice]

Like, they've.

[Trino]

Been doing sneaky some gay sometimes, but on me, I feel like I realized. And I started really. So then he wasn't coming around. So then yolo de hava, like in. In the corner sometimes. And I'll be in my mom's house for like 30 minutes. All my niece and nephews, that was still at him right away. He was still at all the kids loved him. They felt protected by him. But then my mom, you know, I don't know if my mom developed this war in Asala. Adam. You know what I'm saying? And Adam was the longest from my. My sister Brenda, Mario. They've been together the longest. You know, they deserve it. But Adam was an OG and that he's respected by this time.

[Alan Ice]

How long were you guys together for?

[Trino]

We're already a long time, but we.

[Adam]

Were not maybe 18 years. You know, we'll say like. We'll say like maybe 17.

[Trino]

It don't even matter. We were already like, more than the other guys that came in the. In the family. So I thought on the wall. But to me, deep inside, I feel like it represented something. You don't respect us. I don't even respect our relationship. We were keeping our. Our relationship secreted because of moments like that, you know what I mean? Like, I wouldn't even say we're together because, like, to a woman and a man, I feel like, oh, we're together. We're a joke to them. So. And it was a. Moments like that. But in reality, how was I feeling? How was. How was that making my daughter feel that this is her pops, this is me? How was that making Adam feel? How will my niece and nephews feel that their dad was in the picture or my sister's husband? Yeah, none of them gave a about how it felt. And I didn't give a either. But it was just how I'm saying it. Nobody cared to. Even to me not giving a. And I was allowing it, you know, I mean, so. But it was still there because she was worrying about, you know, how they felt when their kids are all up. You know what I'm saying? I'm just thinking, like, who gives a what they got to say? So I'm grateful to experience that because you know what?

[Adam]

The mom has. His mom has apologized to me, you know, But I feel like. I feel like. Like that apology is not. Shouldn't be for me. Should be for your son. You know, to me, he. It matters what he feels, you know? Like, I'm always gonna love her regardless, because if she loves him, I'm gonna love her even harder, you know?

[Trino]

And I love my mom. I love my mom, but I just wish she would love me a little bit more.

[Alan Ice]

They didn't even know that you guys were, like, officially a couple until, like, a couple years from now.

[Adam]

They always knew, but it was never spoken about.

[Trino]

But it's almost like just like. Just like, nah. Like, you know, they knew there was.

[Adam]

No way.

[Trino]

Say, my mom. Oh, Like, I'm like, I'm voicing how I always voice. Like, I think last time I was talking to my mom, she was saying, like. And she started laughing because we laugh. Like, that's what I love on my mom. We can talk the. Yeah, but I just wish I have to say, well, my dad and she's here. She loves us.

[Adam]

We.

[Trino]

We have the best bond.

[Adam]

We spend at her house. We play games with her.

[Trino]

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know, And I love my dad. I Think my dad has this beautiful story, but he doesn't help her to be better. And my mom's obviously in love, you know, sometimes as much as I feel sometimes like, you know, soy nada, soy algo. You know what I mean? So yalgo. And I feel like I can help my parents. My dad had very high expectations for me, and I knew it very early on. And since I was like a teenager, I just really did not give a. About him because I feared him. He was the only person I feared. And when I lost that fear and I stepped up to him, it. I think that one time I got caught smoking weed. And I was doing it, but for some reason, my mom, like, she had. I had like this water bongs, and she had my. I have 40s in my room. But I used to lock my room, so I don't know why I had a key. I was a bad. So they invent you to unlock my room because my room was in the back of the house. You're like, no. And I was just telling my dad, I don't give a. So he slapped me. And I was crying, but I was. I don't give a. I was like, I'm. I'mma stop. I wasn't. I was about to stop smoking weed, but not for your ass. So I was already, like, didn't give a. To that moment. The fact that, you know, that that was a moment for me.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

To just step to him. And I already. I was already, like, not giving a. But I'm so compassionate with my dad because I feel that as much as I would never want to be like my dad, I have my dad's ways. He's very prideful. Yeah. And. And he's alone. And sometimes I've seen him. Him. And my heart cries for him because I want to be there, and I feel like I can protect him.

[Alan Ice]

Adam, you at 20 years old, you come out to your family. What was that like? You know, how did they take the news?

[Adam]

Growing up, I always felt like, you know, I always heard my sisters always talk about girls on. On, for example, tv, you know, like, oh, my gosh, she has a nice body. I want a body like that. So it always made me feel like, okay, so I will see a guy and I'll be like, like, damn, he. His body looks really good. But it made me feel like, okay, I'm looking at it because it's like, I want a body like that, you know? So that's what I was putting in my mind.

[Alan Ice]

So it wasn't really like, Sexual. At the time, it was more like, I want to look.

[Adam]

Yeah, okay. That's what I was telling myself, you know, and it's because I never could admit that. Like, I didn't want to admit that for myself. So when I met three, I felt like I still couldn't admit to myself that I was gay, you know, So I told him I was bisexual just because it just made it easier for me. And even though I felt like at that time I already had came out to my mom and yeah, of course I did come out to my mom. They already knew, but it just, I feel like, like, like he had mentioned before, every time I feel like I meet someone new, I feel like always had to come out and, and I don't know why. I just felt like I didn't like, the, the fact, the, the shock factor that they would give me, like, oh, you are. Or maybe if they did know and I was like, oh, I already knew, it would bother me still because I.

[Trino]

Was like, so this helped us a lot. Like, you know, we were so blessed for the world to kind of know who we are because, like, we don't.

[Adam]

Come out no more.

[Trino]

Yeah.

[Adam]

If they don't know, social media, maybe someone else they know because everywhere we.

[Trino]

Went, I was like, oh, he's my. Oh my God, he was. It gets like, after a while, like.

[Alan Ice]

You know, it gets annoying.

[Adam]

And then, yes, we are so now, like, when we're out in public and it's almost say, like, we're not together, like, oh, my God, I, I, I love you and your husband. And it's such a, like, wait, what?

[Trino]

That's the blessing.

[Adam]

But then if they say too loud and the next person and I'm like, shut the, you know, so it's just, it just depends, you know, But I mean, my coming out story. So I always felt like I, I looked at guys like that and they made me, like, not want to, like, see myself like that because, like, my sisters did it. So that means that I'm still straight, you know, Gave me that, that chance of being like that. I've always kind of like, like threw little hints to my mom. She always said, stop saying that, you know, but when I finally did have that conversation, my dad was at the table, she was washing dishes, my sisters were there. And I remember, I kind of just finally said, you know what? This is who I am. And I remember mom, like, my dad crying, and my, my mom was saying, you know, I don't have, I don't have, I don't have a son. I have nothing but daughters now. And I remember, like, I think I was crying. And my other sister, I don't even know what the hell she was doing, but I remember, like, I just felt like a lot of people were just coming at me a lot of different places, you know? And my sister that I'm really close to, she's like, you know what? Stop yelling at him. She, like, had my. She was kind of, like, protecting you.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

She was kind of my protector. And I remember that day.

[Trino]

That's real love right there.

[Adam]

I remember I moved out, and I remember I didn't see, like. I didn't really see my family for, like, six months, and they needed time, and I needed time to process why I'm learning that I am. And I'm finally, like, trying to have the courage to not be ashamed, you know, and really, like, make a stand, of course, to the people that are most important, which would be my mom and my family. And it was. I know they needed time. I needed time. But the situation I left in to that day, it was, like, one of the worst times of my life. It was. It was someone that I did drugs with. It was someone that. That was very, like. Like, very, like, abusive.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

You know, I wasn't afraid of this person, but I was afraid of what? Like, to me, I could fight. I will fight you, but, like, if you're gonna use weapons and you're gonna threaten my life, I. I love my life, you know? So, like, it kind of made me afraid. Like, I don't know what they'll do. I can't even pick up a phone and try to call. Like, when his family wasn't there, he would hide the phone.

[Trino]

He.

[Adam]

I. He would sleep with his leg on me if I ever left. What? He used to say, like, if you ever leave me while I'm asleep, I'll find you. I'll kill you. He would, like, just be calling, like, when I would go visit my family once in a while. Like, okay, you need to come. Like, it was just a lot.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

I mean. And finally, the day that I ended up, like, leaving and my family really accepted me was. I remember I was trying. I was. I had been up for, like, probably a whole week, and I was finally sleeping, and I was woken up to. To watch a movie. And I remember, like, they started falling asleep on me. So I was like, why would you wake me up? It was just, like, something that simple. So we started fighting. I remember, like, I threw them. I remember I escaped that house with bites on me with a Rip tank top and boxers, blisters on my feet, calling the cops because I had escaped that house, you know, And I remember when the cops brought me home, my mom says, you know what, mijo? I would rather you be who you are than you to be out there not knowing what's going on with you.

[Alan Ice]

How did that make you feel in that moment?

[Adam]

It made me feel free. You know, it made me feel free. And I always try not to flaunt my. My. My lifestyle in front of my mom, because my mom, she loves God. You know, she. She. She loves God and she has her beliefs, and there was a time when I used to do that. I used to, like, go. Go in front of Walmarts, and I used to tell people about my story, how he got me out of drugs. You know, it wasn't until after I. I turned away, like, oh, and I backslid, you know, and I started getting back into drugs again. That's when I had my first experience with, you know, a man, you know, And I always was told, like, when I was in church, like, if, you know, God's love and you turn away from him, it's like you're nailing him back to the cross yourself, you know? So I always felt like I couldn't. I couldn't pray to him because I felt like, why are you only turning to God when you need him?

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

You know, so it made me feel that uncomfortableness. And. And so, like, to this very day, sometimes it's a little hard for me to pray, you know, so that's how I came out, and that's how I finally, me being. I mean, accepted. I mean, just being loved for who I was as a person, as my mom's son. Because, I mean, till this very day, I don't think she'll accept me, you know, I don't. She wouldn't want this for me. She wishes I would better be with a woman. But she's.

[Trino]

But one thing. One thing she does, though. She loves Adam. She loves Adam and she makes Adam be seen.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

She honors Adam as a human, and I never feel the judgment. She still walks around like a human.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

She ain't floating. And that's something that I love about his mom because she has, you know, she has her journey, but she's definitely has been really grounded to embrace and respect the human and the man that he is. And. And I love it, you know, it makes me happy for. For her, because at the end, that's the way it should be.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

You can be praying to God as Much as you want, but the thoughts, God knows.

[Alan Ice]

Did you ever felt, like, not respected by her? Like, not like, oh, I don't want this for myself.

[Trino]

I think.

[Alan Ice]

You ever feel that vibrant.

[Trino]

I love Adam's family, but, you know, you know, like, just the way I said the beginning, Adam was already a deal. I wasn't a deal right away. So I, I'm not, I, I'm the type of person that if I don't feel welcome, I won't even step into that place. You know what I mean? So to this day, I, I'm. I, I will not step into certain places that I, you made me feel. I'm not going to give you a second chance. And I'm not trying to be a stubborn person, but, but you know, you don't know where I come from. You know what I'm saying? My mom and my dad have, to this day have made me feel like that. So.

[Adam]

And you know what? It's not even.

[Trino]

Parents do that to you.

[Adam]

It.

[Trino]

It does something to you. You know what I'm saying? So.

[Adam]

But it's not like he's not giving them a second chance, but like, like, if they just, they, they're still the same way. So like, for him to go around and for him to like, give them that second chance without them showing that.

[Alan Ice]

They'Re different, like, without having growth, it's.

[Adam]

Like backing, why am I going to go see. Be rude and act like you're looking down at me already, you know, so, like, like, they have not changed from that.

[Trino]

You can't look down to me when I have looked down to me so many times. Like, and you're also human, just like me. You know what I'm saying? So it, it, it really has me up.

[Adam]

Like, there's family members that I wish I could be closer to, but it's like when you love someone and when you spent so many years, like, what's going on? Like, half our. We've spent half our lives together already. You know, it's like we, you, you don't, you don't treat someone and make someone feel that way that you love so much, and then you're just willing to accept, you know, And I will.

[Trino]

Never stop Adam from loving his family.

[Adam]

No, no.

[Trino]

But in reality is, he's part of me. I'm part of him. So if they want more of Adam, I'm part of. I would never be the one. Like, no Adam, I'm encouraging, but he does not, when he goes around his, say, certain family, he's eventually had to come Back to me.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

So me. You know what I'm saying?

[Adam]

And there's a lot of times when I go to family events and they, like, they, they, like, really gave me a hard time about leaving because they want. They love me to be around. But, like, if you would only just give that same love to Trino and make him feel as wanted and make him feel like he was part of this family, we would. You would have to beg us to leave. You know, I mean, we would. Three knows that. Three. No, I, I, I'm a family man. But Three was a real family. Like, he just loves with every piece of his body to the tip of his toes to the top of his head, you know, he just loves family. And it's like, man, like, if you would only know what you're missing out on. You didn't lose a brother. You would gain a brother, you mean? And Trina was that. And it's their loss, you know?

[Trino]

And you know what? Like I said earlier, like, my parents not embracing me, to this day, I feel like I disconnected. I'm a grown ass man. I have a grown daughter. My legacy starts here, you know, I mean, not from my grand. My grandfather or my father. Because if I think like that, they're gonna, they're gonna hold me back. That you know what I'm saying.

[Alan Ice]

Just being a part of the LGBT community, I feel like we face a lot of, you know, scary and dangerous situations. Have you guys been ever in a situation where you guys have experienced, you know, homophobia in person?

[Trino]

Since I was young. Since I was young. I think with my own, My own father was my number one bullied. I feel me embracing my. Just, Just me, you know, like, we had gallos, and, And I remember being scared of, like, Aina. You know, I just see my dad so frustrated, and he just, I remember just screaming and crying, you know, I mean, you can read somebody in their eyes because my mom would not say a lot, but her eyes. I can't believe this came out of this. You know what I'm saying? Like, like that for real. Like, I just, like, that's what they taught me. My dad, you know, he wouldn't, He. He checked my mom. Yeah, stop being so sensitive to this. Because he's a. Because of your ass. You know what I'm saying? So my mom went from being really sensitive to being really. I spoke about this in the documentary, and it became really hard for me to speak about it because I never spoke about it. But, you know, that's my dick, because he ca. She Comment. Playing with Barbies. And she was in a car, Maria. And my mom was somebody that I honor so much. So when I spoke about that in a documentary with Matt Coleman. And it was hard for me, you know, in. In my. Whatever feelings I had came out and ain't nobody kicking me when I was down. But people tried.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

Oh, they should have. And this is not even family. It's like I was a child and I love and I honor my mom to this day. But I remember telling her, okay, I. I was curing my ears.

[Adam]

And she.

[Trino]

Was over here bullying me because she thought she apologized to me already. She apolog and I, we spoke about her. The documentary came out and I told her, you know what I mean? You know, he's like, no.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah, like, I don't want to hurt you with what I'm saying. You were still trying to protect her from feeling hurt.

[Trino]

See, that's what I was telling her. Like, you know, because I'm hearing my mom doesn't like it or you're seeing.

[Alan Ice]

The comments maybe, and you're like, oh.

[Trino]

This your mom is get. Like, I'm not the perfect parent. You know, I'm not here to bash her for gay ass views. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm just here to voice it, because that's what I meant and that's what I was here for. But people are just taught to just. No, no, no. It's like, okay, you know, that's where I were at, you know, I mean, so that's why I was taught, you know, me, I was taught like that. So for me, I mean, homophobia. So until now, for me, I'm like.

[Alan Ice]

Like, you're like, easy. You're like, I've been dealing this with.

[Trino]

No, I definitely could be triggered, you know, I mean, you know, I mean, I don't like a man stepping to me, period. You know?

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

I'm not the bravest and I. And I'm not the, like, you know, toughest and I don't like drama, but, you know, that's why I stay away.

[Alan Ice]

And I'll fight a. Makes me feel some type of. What you.

[Trino]

I'm a Chihuahua.

[Alan Ice]

Me, not the Chihuahua.

[Trino]

Hey, I'm not gonna lie to you. All those girls married.

[Adam]

You know what? Like, with me, I feel like I don't. I have never really. I mean, you know what? Growing up, I mean, who hasn't? You know, like when. Especially when you go into that little time in life when you're going through puberty and changes, you know, But I knew inside of me. So, like, if anyone said the word gay when I was growing up, I felt like they were talking to me.

[Trino]

Like there was like, he would, like.

[Adam]

Did someone call me?

[Trino]

He'll be like this with, with, with like slow mo hair flows like, like.

[Adam]

Even more even, like, even growing up, like, like my grandma used to call me, you know, the rest in peace. I love her so much. She used to tell my mom, like, oh, that I was gonna be gay or she used to call me gay, I think, or something like that, because I used to put lotion on my legs and guys don't. I knew the story because of my mom. So I don't know if I could say, you know, like, because I mean, for the most part, like, I didn't really know. I know more Spanish now than I did when I was younger, so she probably was saying it, but she spoke Spanish, you know. And then growing up, I felt like it wasn't until, like, I felt like since, like we started being in the public eye a little bit that I feel like I hear the comments more now, you know, and of course it's like the more people that know who you are, but like going in the street, I don't feel like I ever, like, was like, I've never been targeted or gay bashed on like that, you know, except until now, like I said, you know, we walked in the street, we go to car shows, and I feel like in the Chicano culture, man, like, I can with my head up high. With all love and respect, the Chicano culture has embraced us more than I feel like anybody has, even the LGBT community, you know, and it's. And a lot of people trip out like, it's so weird how the, the Chicano culture embraces you. And online, they're the ones that talk the most shit, you know?

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Or like, hey, it's okay to be. They always say this, it's okay to be gay, but just don't dress like that, man. Dress like you're gay. And I'm like, I don't know how to dress anything else.

[Alan Ice]

But how does that make you guys feel?

[Adam]

You know what it makes me, it just makes me laugh, to be honest. Like, it never really bothers me because I'm always gonna dress the way I want. And this right look, it's so. So when I was growing up, when I was a little 12 year old boys trying, like figuring life out, you know, when I was getting into all that, my sister started telling my dad because he was in and out of My life stuff for me to cut my. For me to comb my hair back, you know, like a little cholo, because I used to do it to the side. A little. Little boycott, you know, I started doing that, and people started making fun of me because I also wasn't. I was. You know, So I was like, I feel like I'm getting bullied now more now because I'm dressing like, you know, and so, like, my clothes started changing and this and that, and it was just a way of protecting myself. My sister was the one that made me change the way I dress. You know, she was like. She maybe didn't want me. She probably knew how I was, but she was trying to protect me in her own way and had me, like, change a little bit of way I dressed. So, like, I kind of was, like, forced into that, and it became something that made me comfortable because I noticed people. People saw me a little different. Yeah, they treated me a little bit, like, with more respect, you know? And then, of course, when. Then you throw drugs on top of that, and then you look, run with the wrong people, people are gonna see you like, okay, this fool, like, stay away. He's a little. He's. Yeah, he's a little. He's. He's one of us.

[Trino]

He's a follower.

[Adam]

He's one of us. So he's cool. We don't have to with him more. He's not the gay guys. We're gonna go bull these other people. So then. So then, like. Like, just like, you know, so like that. But I feel like now, like, with, like. Like the Chicano culture, like. Like, I truly, like, love, like, the. The love have given us, you know, don't get me wrong, there's a couple of them that want to act up still sometimes, you know, but it's. But they don't never really do nothing. You know, they just. They're all just talk. Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of times we could have got it heated, but. But, like, for example, we went to a car show, and then when we were leaving, it was a lot of love at this car show. We were walking. We were walking, and then there was some guys that passed by, and they yelled out some kind of do gay. You know, like, pinches hotos. Yeah. And so we're like, what's up? And they could have easily came back. That was just me and him. And there was more guys than there was anything. You know, they were in the car.

[Trino]

And you know what? It bothered me so much that I even was. Because I I refused to be in the space that I am. No. The social media. Just the fact that I'm just three on and I'm leveling up as a better human for me to even give the energy to anybody else. So I remember bothering me, the fact that I feel like I gave somebody energy. I should have just like, hey, well, if you got something to say, well, then you would just, you know, pull over and say that to us, because everybody got something to say. You can't fight the world, you know? I mean, so that's just the way I am, and that's where I want to be. And I want to be in a place that people can say what they want and be like, oh, okay, cool. Move on.

[Adam]

People want a reaction, you know? Yeah, like a lot. There's a lot of, like, that we had posted this video, and my sister is, like, commenting back. Like, they just put, like, all like. Because it was a picture. He was. Shirt he was wearing. It was me and him kind of, like, hugged up. He's like, oh, she's like, that's funny. Like, to, like, some gay cholos like that. And my sister was like, what's funny about it? And I was like, girls don't do that, you know, don't give them that energy.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Because they want that. You mean, Like, I've been. We've been told, way worse.

[Trino]

This is not chono love right here. This is just two Latinos. This is two men, these two humans loving each other. We grew up in an area that is Mexican American, that is Chicano, that is a little hood. So we pick up to that because that's what we know. We didn't just wake up.

[Alan Ice]

It's like, hey, let's be solos.

[Trino]

Let's start doing this. Like, you know what I mean? Like, this is fashion nova. This. Adam bought me this right here.

[Adam]

But I actually bought it because it said items in the back.

[Trino]

But, you know. You know, I. I love, you know, my. That would be running the streets and really banging that respect to them, you know what I'm saying? Saying, so I be banging. I grew up around that is like, that.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Trino]

I'm not gonna bang for a hood that don't really got my back, you know what I'm saying? Because I don't could have done it. I could have done that. But we understood our struggles, that they. I knew that they were not going to have our back.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

So I feel like right now, the Chicano culture is understanding that. Like, I always tell them in their face what you see, you have it in your family. You probably have an uncle. You probably have a. A nephew, a Theo or a son. Yeah, that's just like me, me. So it's like in the Lochiras, but I'm not you, but like the name of the day.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

I'm Chicano. I'm Mexican. I'm Latino. I'm Hispanic. You can't tell me, like, oh, what you tattoos. I love art. I'm an artist. I like to draw a lot of my. I have lovely on my neck because of my baby. I have a butterfly because I'm feminine my own way. I have eyes because I have eyes all over me. I'm expressing myself, and nobody can tell me to stop because. But because I'm brown and I'm bald. Cholo.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

Yeah. But in reality, I'm just being me, man. Like, I feel like when I was being like. I was like. Like maybe 19 or 20, I was trying to soften my look. I was trying to, like, wear more fitted stuff, more pink stuff, and I was just looking like a fitted. That was a cholo.

[Alan Ice]

I was looking like allies.

[Trino]

Like, you know what? People. People were still giving me a little hood from me. Me. I have a demeanor to me. I can't help. That's just how, like, I'm not even trying to, like, build it up, but it's like, you know, I just grew up a certain way. I'm sorry.

[Alan Ice]

I'm proud of you guys, because it does take a lot, you know, to really stand tall and be like, this is who I am. What piece of advice can you guys give anyone watching at home that is currently, you know, afraid of coming out because they don't know how their friends, their family, or even their community might take them?

[Adam]

I know how that feels, you know, and I feel like it's going to just take the right time for you, you know, there's always going to be an out. Don't ever feel like you're going to have to hide the rest of your life because, like, the end of the day, you have to live your life to make yourself happy. Because imagine growing old and. And living your life for everybody else.

[Trino]

And when they're also struggling just like.

[Alan Ice]

You, when they're so worse than you.

[Adam]

Guys just being yourselves and just loving who you love. Like, there's worser things out there, you know, Just don't be any. Any of the other bad, but just be who you are. Just love who you want to love and just live your life for you and be happy.

[Trino]

Open your mind up because Like I said to you at the beginning, you. Bobby Allen has. I saw, I saw myself in you.

[Adam]

And you.

[Trino]

You allowed me to be like that was some bold ass to do how you live your life as a teenager. Like Bobby, people said like I stepped in chicoto putting makeup on.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

That was something that a man like us were like. I don't know. You have to respect that. That. That's some hood.

[Alan Ice]

And I started wearing makeup in high school. Most of the people talk. Cuz it really is like.

[Trino]

I want you to know I've never said this to you, but I always honor you and, and I love you. This is why your family loves you. Because they respect you as a Mexicano, I feel like. But you walk around like a man I never see like a. Or a woman. I just see Alan just impressing himself.

[Alan Ice]

And I'm just being me.

[Trino]

I love it.

[Alan Ice]

I've always said it is so easy to, you know, be who people want you to be. But it's so courageous being who you really are. That's all that matters as a human.

[Trino]

I'm like, like, you know, he said.

[Adam]

I'm gonna make my mama proud of me one day.

[Trino]

Yeah. And I feel like it's gonna make her proud. No, it's what's gonna make her proud. For me not to be a hotel and be with a. And I told my mom, I told my mom and. And I hate to say that to her all the time, but it's like. Like, you know, she's one of somebody that I wish she can be there with me.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

Cuz she has a beautiful story and she's broken just like me. And I wish I can hear her. But she wants to stay behind.

[Alan Ice]

Where, when, how? Who made the first move?

[Trino]

I'm not originally from Bakersfield, but I moved to Bakersfield when I was like 19 years old. I was there for like a little cute moment. But when I was there for a cute moment, you know, he saw this.

[Adam]

Cute dude right here.

[Trino]

I met this girl at his job. I don't know if she was obsessed with this. She was obsessed. And I was like, oh my. He's cute. Like plugged. So I was like, he's gay. And she's like, oh my God, he is. I was like that search be gone. So I'm Carlo and I was new to the city. You know in Bakersfield there's like little cities like Shafter, Delano, Taft. And I remember she's saying Shafter but I gotta confuse Delano. So I was looking for him and it took Me like a month. But I eventually found him and then from then I just, we just been stuck.

[Alan Ice]

Who made the first move?

[Trino]

We most owned gay club in Bakersfield. And I remember seeing a picture but. And then at that moment I saw him but that I couldn't reach out to him. So then I just kept, kept going with him. So I got his number from some guy that I knew. He was being a little hating ass, you know what I'm saying? But I got it.

[Adam]

He knew me from, from drugs, you know.

[Trino]

So I told him like, hey, I think you know this fool named Adam that I want to get. He's like, he's a tweaker ass, dirty ass.

[Adam]

That's what this guy said about me.

[Trino]

So I was like, I still want his number. Like don't be a blocker. Yeah, give me what I want. So then he didn't want to give it to me. So then I figured out a way to be like, oh, let me borrow your phone real quick. I didn't have a cell phone at the time, you know, I mean I was like 20 and I didn't have a cell phone. So I got his number and then I got his phone and I saw that it said Adam. I remembered the number but I went inside the house like that we were in with like a, like a house party. And then I asked for a penny and I have a bad memory but I remember his number. So next morning like I met and I guess it was him, you know. And that's just. We're like. I was working at a hospital of security. I told him to meet me there. I was, you know, I was with my like security truck. I was looking like a wannabe, you know, like. So Adam pulls up and we just kicked it ever since, you know what I mean?

[Adam]

The day he's talking about when we're at the club, I remember he was with someone that I didn't know that guy was driving his car. I remember I kind of like backed up a little bit. So I cuz he was in the passage.

[Trino]

And then when I was like, I was like damn.

[Adam]

That's was like. But I mean, you know, of course, like I thought they were together, you know. Okay, hell, so I, I, I just kept it, I kept it simple because I'm a lady first, right? And, and I remember, you know, like so that was that. I left it alone. I didn't, I didn't think twice about it. And then I get a phone call one day I'm at work and it's this guy right Here. And I'm like kind of cute. And at the time I was kind of like, I wasn't talking to nobody, but I had friends that would kick it with, do drugs with like happens, you know, like we just. Just be a party, you know.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

And so, so I met. I met up with him that day and I remember he came over to the house that night after we met. Right. But when I pulled up, I pulled up looking real fine, everything. And yeah, when I saw, I was.

[Trino]

Like, oh, you don't have some blue eyed babies.

[Adam]

But then I was like. And then I was like, hey, what's up? You know, so we kicked it. And you know what's weird is that that a month after we met, we moved in together and we got a tattoo. You know how they say it's bad luck when you get a tattoo? Well, we got. I got. I got three. No on me. My. My ring finger. And he got an A because, you know, of course his family was.

[Trino]

I need to hide this, cuz.

[Adam]

So we moved in a month after we met and we lived together ever since. And it'll be 19 years, the 26th of this month.

[Alan Ice]

That's crazy. Are you guys. You guys haven't gotten married yet, right?

[Trino]

We. We did a commemorative ceremony like a while back. But yeah, I feel like that Don is true. Like, I feel like for a long time, because I feel like. I don't know, I just feel like the thought of if we would do it, it would be very. Just him and I. Yeah. Because I feel like when we did the Chimera ceremony, we did it really excited. And I feel like people are just treating it like something secret, secretive, not, not. They were not honoring. And I think they were in a.

[Adam]

Place that like, none of the family wanted to bring their kids because they thought we were gonna like, maybe have sex in front of everybody.

[Trino]

It was, it was making. It was.

[Adam]

It was just like something shameful, you know?

[Trino]

So I feel like now on November 30th, we're trying to. We're doing it and we're doing it with everybody that wants to come around. We're not traditional. You guys are all invited?

[Alan Ice]

Yes.

[Adam]

Have you heard of scamming jail them?

[Alan Ice]

No.

[Adam]

Scamming Jab is like a club downtown la at the region. And it's every last Saturday of every month. And it's a vibe like old school music.

[Trino]

The girl is.

[Alan Ice]

Is that where you guys are going to do it?

[Adam]

We celebrate. I mean, maybe it has not been a marriage, but we have celebrated the years we have Been together, the bond. And I remember someone left a comment like, oh, yeah, you're celebrating that. That many years together, but how toxic has it been? It's been very toxic. But the fact that we wake up every day and we. We're happy who we're next to, and we love each other and we embrace each other with all our flaws, I feel like there's a lot of relationships that try to put this front up, and they try to make it seem like everything's great in the relationship, and it probably is. They're faking the funk, but when they go through something bad, they can't deal with it, and they split up, you know?

[Alan Ice]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam]

And us, like, we've been through the word. I've seen this fool is worse in his life. He see me at the worst of my life, but I love him more than anybody in this.

[Trino]

I feel like every year I'm loving him more. Like, we work together. We've been working together for years. We used to work at Red Robin together at servers. We're the best servers ever, period. We're working at Chili's together. We're the best servers, period. Right now. We work with people with learning disabilities. We're the best, period. You know, so we work together. And I love working around him. And I think younger us would cut it. Couldn't.

[Adam]

No. Hell, no.

[Trino]

No, we couldn't. You know, if you look at my.

[Adam]

Yeah, because we would have been fighting everybody. We're so jealous. I was jealous. Jealousy, me, I think.

[Trino]

I think that I was very insecure, you know? I mean, I was very insecure. Very, very. Like, I just, you know, maybe didn't even. I wasn't maybe doing the right moves either. So, like, it comes from insecurities, you know, from the bad things that you're probably doing yourself. So I think I never really fully cheated on Adam like that. Ain't nobody came like that. But you know me like, I.

[Adam]

Like.

[Trino]

Look at me, tell me I'm beautiful, period.

[Alan Ice]

You met Trino when your daughter was two years old? A little bit about before he came in the picture, you know, how was it like when you found out you were gonna be, you know, a dad for the first time?

[Trino]

I met my daughter's mom. It was a puppy love. It was love, whatever you want to call it. She made me feel comfortable. And she was the only first girl that made me feel comfortable. And my daughter was definitely made of, like, you know, teenage love. Yeah, whatever you want to call that. I was afraid to have a boy, you know, I mean, I was like, I feel very insecure. Have a son because I want to make him broken and fragile. Everything that was because I was barely 17, you know, I mean, so for me, I was like, I can't, I can't. I can't raise a bad. Like, I'm not that. You know what I mean? I. I just pictured a little girl and I was like, like. And everything I pictured is who my daughter is now. It's so weird to say that. You know what I mean? So then when my daughter was born, I remember there's a picture of me seeing her, and I remember just seeing her face. And there was a lot of excitement, but there was a lot of fear because at that moment I realized I'm not even a man yet.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

And I got to protect this little human, you know.

[Alan Ice]

When your daughter was born, were you still with your ex at the time? How was that? Like, you know, you're like this getting serious.

[Trino]

It was really hard. It was really hard because I feel like we had our obstacles, we had our struggles, and I already knew deep inside I was like, I'm. I'm the one that left. I'm the one that told her to leave. You know, I mean, when she left, we figured out a way for my daughter to stay with me because I had more support system at the time. So, you know, that's just the way it stayed, and that's just the way it was.

[Alan Ice]

How did you find out he had a daughter? And how did you receive that news?

[Adam]

He. He told me and I was just like, okay, this is a little different. But I feel like at the beginning I didn't realize how, like, serious it was. I thought, okay, maybe he has a baby, but there's a baby mama in the picture and it's going to be a back and forth thing. But when I really, like, got into the, like, got into their lives and I really saw, like, damn, this is a, like a, like a full time dad. There's no, you know, it's just him. It was hard for me a little bit because at the beginning I feel like, like, you know, you. You're in relationships and stuff and you, and you. It's just you guys focus on each other. Especially being in a gay relationship, like, there's really not kids involved sometimes, you know, And I remember him, when we would get upset, he would, he would. He wouldn't give him the attention that I wanted because he was too busy focused on her. So I was like, this is not gonna work out.

[Alan Ice]

This is an obstacle Yeah, I don't.

[Adam]

Share my man with nobody. But I. I just remember, like, I was like, this is gonna be a different transition for me because, like, I'm coming off of an addiction. I'm trying to figure this life out with him. And then he has a daughter that I feel like is this priority. And of course, as she should be, you know, it all fit together as a puzzle. Like, it just. It's so weird how, like, I wouldn't change anything for the world, you know, I wish I could have been better, longer for them maybe, you know, right from the beginning, just been like, where I needed to be in life. But everything happens for a reason.

[Trino]

And I think I don't came into a place because we're two different men. And I think he stepped up and things that I couldn't step up, you know, I mean, I think that. That my daughter right now can see that. And I'm just honored because like I said earlier, I'm. I'm always questioning myself. And one thing that I question the most is the dadhood that I am.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

You know, I mean, my baby's gonna be on baby till the day I die, you know, so, you know, I'm always wanted to do good to her. Like, she's a very independent woman, but, like, we work and I always want to make sure, like, I just got her, you know what I mean? And when I feel like I don't got her, I just. I just over thing, you know?

[Adam]

I mean, me and Tuno started having the same, like, goal in mind, you know, in our hearts that we wanted to have the best for this. This our baby girl, you know? And I feel like. So I. It kind of was a struggle at the beginning, but I feel like it went away really fast. And every day I got to know her every day I just saw the little silly things she did.

[Trino]

She's. She's part of our story, my heart, you know, she struggled with us, and that's what we admire her so much, because I feel like our struggle, you know what that struggle made her strong.

[Adam]

There was times when, like, we were figuring our lives out, and there was times when I had money and. And that money went to drugs, you know. But like, I remember, like, when. When I had the. When we were like, trying to get our lives together. I remember there was a time we took her to Burger King, you know, and I remember we didn't have enough money for everyone to eat, so we sat there and we watched her eat, you know, and it just made me feel like I Will do anything for this little baby girl, you know, why am I. The little bit of money that I have, why am I wasting it on drugs when I could be, like, just giving her the life she deserves? And I'm so proud of where we're at because, like, we don't go without. Yeah, I mean, we do need insurance, you know, but, like, that is gonna come. But I feel like there's nothing that she needs that we can't give her.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

And it's been like that for a long time. And I think at the time, at the beginning, what he's talking about is that. That we're just working paycheck out of paycheck. I just feel like every time we had money, it's like, it's always something. I just feel like it's something. And. And to me was my negative mentality. It's like I'm. I'm cursed because I'm gay. Like. Like, we are our curse. You know what I mean? I feel like is the worst.

[Adam]

When I was in Big, I feel like this was like, fast forwarding to when everything was good. I. I got a job at the oil field. And I remember, like, I felt like every check was like an income tax check for me, you know? So I was like, man, I made it. I'm just. I'm just where I need to be. It just made me feel like nothing I ever do is good enough, you know, because, like, I felt like I was finally where I needed to be and I had money and imagine good. But you know what? It did go away. It went away because the economy went bad and they had to start laying people off. And I was new to that job, so I was one of the first people to go, you know, but look at where I'm at. Everything happens for a reason. I went to college. I have an associate's degree. I was gonna be. I was gonna work in prisons, but I got a felony. There's so many things that I felt like led me to where I'm at today. And I'm the happiest I've ever been.

[Trino]

And you know what? His serving job was the one that. He was the only one working at the moment. Because I was a full time dad to my. I was a dance dad. I was the one doing my baby's hair. I was the one designing. I was behind the scenes make sure that ain't nobody fucking with my baby. He was the one working back to back, Red Robin and Chili's and Whittier, you know, he was the one Doing that. And that was the one that. That was holding us down.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah. As gay parents, what do you guys feel like was something that you guys struggled with?

[Trino]

We were never outed to her. I just wanted her to feel love. And I think for her, she became really private. And I think she's still kind of like that. If you don't ask her about her parents, she ain't gonna be saying, she ain't gonna be the one walking around with a gay flag. Gay pride. This. She just knows love. It was a very big insecurity for me because I knew even the word gay. And a lot of people think that when you're gay, you're feminine. We're not women, you know, I mean, at least for us, we're not women. We're not going to give that woman in feeling. So it was insecurity of me to always. To know that I can never feel that void. You know what I mean? So I just did the best I could and was just there and always open with her and I was wanting to listen to her. At times I was trying to listen a little too much. That maybe made her overthink too much.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

About her feelings. But to this day, I try to always remind her that, you know, I'm. We're here and we'll have her back, you know, whatever she wants to figure out anything from her past, you know, I mean, but to. To me, we're just trying to raise her to just have a family that loves her. It has her back. That's it.

[Adam]

I feel like a big misconception with. With gay parents that I've always was. I always kind of went like, if you're a gay parent, you're going to raise a gay kid.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

But like, little do people know that like anyone that's gay came from straight parents. So it doesn't take a gay parents to raise one, you know. And I feel like that's what was a concern for avars that were like, hopefully she doesn't come out like that. Not that it would have been a bad thing, but, you know, so we just didn't want it to be that like people because like we her up, you know. And so like, I feel like she showed us with time, like, you know, like I said, we would have loved it regardless, you know, but we just didn't want. I guess we.

[Trino]

We taught her love. We taught her love acceptance. She's such. Her heart is so big. She. She literally teaches me all the time and how like focused she is. And right now she's part of the LA Clipper Dancer, the team. This is her second season. And this. And. And she's the type of person that you got to get. You're not going to know her in a day or two.

[Alan Ice]

Like, you got to get to know her no more.

[Trino]

And it. And it affects her sometimes. But I always tell that's a beautiful thing, baby. That's a beautiful.

[Alan Ice]

You can't let everyone know everything about you.

[Trino]

And I think that everybody realized with time honor when she opens up, because after a while it's like, oh, she's a. Or she thinks she's too. But with time, you realize, like, no, she's a human.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

If you're not asking, what the. Can I say something? I'm Natalie. No. Did you get it, Bobby? Like, that's what it is. And I feel like she's realizing this is her second season and they respect her because she's always on time. She's a team leader, she's a girl's girl. All these good things that I'm just. It makes me happy for people to see this from her because she's always been very misunderstood.

[Alan Ice]

Did you guys ever face judgment as parents, like, from family members? Like, you know, I think I definitely.

[Trino]

Always got that, like, definitely got, like, from jobs. People were like, oh, yeah, she was younger. Oh, she didn't need therapy. That for me would be like, who the are you to say something?

[Adam]

No, what I could say is there was a time that she had this really close friend growing up and her. Her parent, like, which was, you know, like, we used to go around to family parties, but, like, she was like, oh, my God, I feel so bad for Natalie now. He's gonna need like, this and that and that word got back to us.

[Trino]

And so she was saying this friend that we had, okay, my daughter Adam was trying to say, my daughter was best friend with this little girl. So because they were best friends, we. We met the parents.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

And there was a woman and a man. And. And then I started hearing out there that my mom was saying, like, oh, so paramisita. Like, I remember her running to you. So then I confronted her, you know, But I mean, moments like that really me up, you know, I mean, like, I can't trust everybody. And then her family became not the best either. So they teach me because, like, I just. I just. We met so many families that I looked up to so much. It's like, like, you know what? Not that I'm trying to look down to them, but it's like, like, I definitely Raised her very up insecure. I questioned every step I was doing.

[Alan Ice]

Do you feel like maybe at the beginning you kind of were putting your.

[Trino]

Insecurities for sure, I was definitely, I was putting mindset, but I was putting all the things that I believe that I. That like, okay, I would tell baby, you can do whatever you want, baby. But deep inside I was like, I don't know if you could, but it.

[Alan Ice]

Do it, do it.

[Trino]

And then she was doing it. Like, oh, she's doing it.

[Adam]

If you're gonna sit and wait for like the perfect time to be a parent, when you're ready financially, that's never gonna come a day, you mean? I feel like you guys gotta do it and just know that you're gonna give this baby all the love that you can. Because love overpowers everything, you know? And I feel like I hear a lot of people say like, oh, like, oh. Like about when gay people, when they adopt these kids, you know, and this and that, like all this and that, that. But it's like these kids come from straight parents that couldn't do the job that these gay people are. These scary couples are standing up and taking, taking that job on and doing a great job at that, you mean. So it's like I feel like they should give us a little more credit because we know how to raise good people. And that's what this is about, is raising this kid to be the best human that they can be.

[Trino]

And our daughter makes us like when people meet our daughter, they expect her to have these certain like a woman and a man and they're like, this is your dad's ghetto.

[Adam]

She's so like, she's so like, if.

[Trino]

You would meet her, she just like so reserved, she's so respectful. She just makes us seem so good and we raise it for real.

[Alan Ice]

Does she ever make you guys feel validated in the sense of like, no dads, like y'all did a great job raising me. Have you guys ever had a moment like that?

[Trino]

I think the fact that she's still beside us, the fact that again she's really private with everything that she does, you know what I mean? So I try to be really open with her. She's really open with us and she just. The fact that she's around us and like if, okay, we took it to the airport, cuz she was going to go to Seattle for a show, I be for a performance and right away she wants to give us money. Like here, Bobby, get some coffee like that right there. She's 21, barely like, she's so mindful and we, we gave her that. You know what I'm saying? We gave her that. Like. Like, it reminds me that I. That, you know, like, she's so smart too, because she went to our performance high school. She was, she just. She was. She was an honor roll, like, stood in the month. All that nothing is that girl. Yeah, I dropped out of high school. I don't. Don't tell me. Don't tell me no multiplications because I don't even want to.

[Alan Ice]

I won't be able to help you with your homework, girl.

[Adam]

No, no, don't add.

[Alan Ice]

Or a good note, you know, vibe out. If you guys didn't know they wear many hats. Father. So how did that come out to be? What made you guys be like, you know what? We want to do music.

[Adam]

For me, I feel like when I was growing up, I always like, when it came, you know, to like what we talked about before, what I used to do when I was younger, I always used to write, like, it was like a time when I would write poems, I would write rap songs. And then I grew up a little bit and I started performing on the stage. So I used to do that stuff, you know. But then, like, then I got really bad into what I was doing and then I kind of stopped. I met Trino and I've been together with him almost 19 years this month. And it's like, I never really did it. So we just recently got into. I was like, why not?

[Alan Ice]

You know, what do we have to lose?

[Adam]

But. But I couldn't do it on my own. So like, my nephew. Shout out to my nephew, Jason, I love you.

[Alan Ice]

You.

[Adam]

He helped me. He helped me. We created something. And I'm like, we're actually working on another song together that we're going to be bringing out too. And this is something that he's truly talented. Like, he. This guy's. He knows. He knows this stuff.

[Trino]

And you know what? To me, like, we always say music about me is like, it's arte. I mean, like, I like to draw like I said earlier. So I feel like sometimes with music. Shout out to Jenny 69. I know that's your girl. She represents right now. Pop my mind that. That everybody was making fun of her.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

Look how like, it's just like, like, what if you put it in a category? Of course you got to be like her. Well, then you're going to up. But she did it her own way. She bus.

[Adam]

What's funny is that I don't know if you know but we used to do a reaction channel on YouTube, right? And so we. Whatever it was. No she the first time or. No, no, it was some snow. What else? But we did it. We did Soila 69, right? And I remember we were like, you know what, it's good, you know, we're having her back.

[Trino]

Just because I feel like we love.

[Adam]

We love the fact that she's just going with her passion and she just making it. She doesn't give a. Yeah. And that's what's a beautiful thing about it. And I remember people were like, oh, you know what, stop doing this channel because you're not even qualified to be a reactor no more. And this and that. But we trash likes trash. We stood around her. Look how good she is, man. She's amazing. And people are eating the words now. Now.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Shout out to Jenny 69 Mommy.

[Trino]

Like that said, like I feel like I could like it. Do it. So that's what we're at. We're just doing music, cuz music is.

[Adam]

In our blood, you know, we're just enjoying ourselves.

[Alan Ice]

I love that. I was watching the music video literally last night. I was like, oh, let's get the vibes. I loved it. You guys link down below. Hey, I'll give us a little sneak peek of it. I have to bring them back, you guys, when we start doing the performances again so they can perform. But then there's a little, a little teaser of what you guys have.

[Adam]

All we do is vibe out. Hey, four or five down the one way bumping lighter shader brown on a Sunday afternoon. So you know, we go on cruise, clock goes tick tock now we got views vibing out to every single song of the week. And that was Trino and Adam on the beat.

[Trino]

And the other song, don't even play with it.

[Adam]

Okay. We don't give a, we don't, we.

[Trino]

Don'T give a, we don't.

[Alan Ice]

Wait, that one's not out yet, right?

[Adam]

No, that was still in the process.

[Trino]

Because you know he's gonna be in the shaking ass.

[Alan Ice]

I'm like it literally. Where do you guys see yourself in the next five years?

[Adam]

You know what? I see us married, settle down, having like five more kids. No, you know what? I just see us just continue to do what we do. We're gonna just continue to just, you know, just be out here with you guys, man, just vibing, you know, and, and, and just, and just loving the process, you know. I mean I feel like people, they, they have like, like success overnight. For us, this is A journey. And I feel like when you don't stop and just enjoy the. Enjoy the journey, you. It passes you up, you know. And I feel like we're taking it slow. We're just going with the flow whatever happens. Like to me we're just honored to be here for people to be vibing with us. Yeah.

[Trino]

And then it is a healing process. 50 50.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

And and this is what it is because not guaranteed. So definitely continue to do music and I want to be an advocate of the people that feel the way I feel. You know me, that, that to this day don't feel be seen.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Trino]

To this day don't feel. Feel broken, you know, just because I feel like people feel like, oh you have a status, you got a number. Social media.

[Alan Ice]

And it really is healing is a process.

[Trino]

Yeah. So for me I feel like that's what it's about for me. I feel like I see myself just really traveling the world and connecting with people that feel the way I feel. Even if we don't even connect in the, in, in the language, you know, I mean that to me would be an honor. You know what I mean?

[Alan Ice]

And all those goals. I'm so excited to see where you guys are going to be in the next five years. Whatever they're doing in the next five years. I do want to say thank you guys both for coming on and really, you know, being vulnerable and sharing your guys story because can relate and can feel identified and maybe your guys, you guys sharing your story can really change someone's life.

[Trino]

I appreciate it and thank you so much for having us. We're honored. You know, you already know you're a icon.

[Alan Ice]

No, I really do appreciate you guys being here it on other social medias which I'll leave down below as well as on the screen on all my social media so you guys won't miss any future episodes. And with that being said, thank you guys once again.

[Adam]

Thank you guys.

[Alan Ice]

Thank you guys so much for watching.

[Trino]

Shout out to Irma in the back. Shutting that damn shout out to patience is patience Mommy. She's been around all this gay shiver race. It's a plot on for her. Flash the titties. She did it.

[Alan Ice]

She's like. With that being said. And we'll see you guys in the next one. Bye guys.

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