Virgo Tati Talks All: Childhood in El Salvador, DACA, Motherhood, Baby Daddy Drama, CHISME & MORE!

Summary

Podcast Summary: Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized Episode Title: Virgo Tati Talks All: Childhood in El Salvador, DACA, Motherhood, Baby Daddy Drama, CHISME & MORE!
Release Date: March 21, 2025
Hosts: Alannized & Studio71
Guest: Tatiana (Tati) Virgo

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Introduction

In this deeply personal episode of Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized, host Alannized sits down with Virgo Tati, a YouTuber and beauty enthusiast, to unpack her tumultuous journey from childhood in El Salvador to becoming a single mother and a social media influencer. The conversation delves into themes of immigration, family dynamics, personal struggles, and resilience, all conveyed through an authentic Spanglish dialogue.

Early Life and Upbringing in El Salvador

Tatiana begins by sharing her early years in El Salvador, highlighting the challenges she faced growing up in a single-parent household after her parents divorced due to her father's infidelity.

[09:03] Tatiana (Tati): "The American dream, baby, is not a dream. You gotta chase it. You gotta hustle. You gotta put in the work to receive."

She recounts her mother's relentless hustle to support the family, often selling pupusas on the streets, and the absence of extended family support. This environment fostered Tatiana's strong bond with her mother, whom she describes as her "best friend."

Migration to the United States and DACA

At the age of five, Tatiana and her brother were relocated to the United States by their mother, who sought better opportunities for her children. The transition was fraught with hardship as they moved in with their grandmother, who proved to be an unsupportive and abusive caregiver.

[10:42] Tatiana (Tati): "So we end up going to his mom's house, we all get into it because like they were just kind of racist."

Struggling with cultural adjustments and bullying at school, Tatiana became determined to learn English, passing the STAR test to advance academically. Her perseverance paid off when she and her mother successfully applied for the DACA program, providing legal status and a pathway to citizenship.

Becoming a Mother and Relationship Struggles

Tatiana shares her experiences as a young mother, detailing a volatile relationship with her baby's father. Their tumultuous relationship was marked by manipulation, infidelity, and eventual violence, leading to her son's traumatic exposure to domestic conflict.

[82:21] Tatiana (Tati): "There's a whole summer where I... I just want to have a dad, you know, 'Cause he was never present."

Despite the challenges, Tatiana's resilience shines through as she navigates motherhood alone, striving to provide a stable environment for her son, Aiden (the Gremlin), while dealing with the fallout of her relationship.

Transition to Social Media Influencer

Seeking an outlet and a sense of community, Tatiana turned to social media. Her authentic storytelling and vulnerability resonated with audiences, helping her garner a loyal fan base and financial stability.

[124:52] Tatiana (Tati): "The support and the love I get is like, it's like nothing I ever experienced before. Like, it just feels so good to know that people that I don't even know love me that much."

This newfound platform not only provided financial support but also a space for Tatiana to advocate for herself and others facing similar struggles, emphasizing the importance of self-love and escaping toxic relationships.

Advice and Insights

Throughout the episode, Tatiana imparts valuable advice to listeners, especially those grappling with abusive relationships or seeking to rebuild their lives:

[120:52] Tatiana (Tati): "Have some faith in yourself. Like you could do it if I could do it. And don't get stuck in a cycle, because if they don't change the first time or the second time, baby, they're not gonna change any longer. You need to get yourself out."

She emphasizes the importance of self-worth, resilience, and the courage to seek better opportunities, even in the face of immense personal adversity.

Conclusion

The episode concludes with Tatiana reflecting on her journey and her aspirations for the future. She envisions continuing to grow her online presence, providing for her son, and possibly expanding her family when the right circumstances arise.

[129:02] Tatiana (Tati): "I just see myself. I feel like I can do some big things. Like, social media has blessed me a lot, and I'm very grateful for all my out there. I love them. Like, they're literally part of me at this point."

Alannized wraps up the conversation by expressing admiration for Tatiana's strength and authenticity, highlighting the significance of sharing personal stories to inspire and connect with listeners.

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Notable Quotes:

• Tatiana (Tati) on pursuing the American Dream:
  “[09:03] Tati: 'The American dream, baby, is not a dream. You gotta chase it. You gotta hustle. You gotta put in the work to receive.'”

• Tatiana (Tati) on the significance of DACA:
  “[47:54] Tati: 'When we got that letter, I feel like it was more relief for my mom. Like, hey, all that hard work, all the stuff I've been through, like it's paying off for my kids.'”

• Tatiana (Tati) advising against staying in toxic relationships:
  “[120:52] Tati: 'Have some faith in yourself. Like you could do it if I could do it. And don't get stuck in a cycle...'”

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Key Takeaways:

• Resilience in the Face of Adversity: Tatiana's story underscores the strength required to overcome personal and systemic challenges, from immigration hurdles to abusive relationships.

• The Power of Authentic Storytelling: By sharing her vulnerabilities, Tatiana connects with her audience on a profound level, fostering a supportive community.

• Advocacy and Empowerment: The episode highlights the importance of self-advocacy, mental health support, and breaking free from toxic cycles to create a better life for oneself and one's family.

Final Thoughts

Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized offers a compelling narrative of transformation and empowerment. Tatiana's candid recounting of her struggles and triumphs serves as an inspiration to listeners, reminding them of the importance of self-belief, perseverance, and the pursuit of one's dreams despite overwhelming odds.

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Follow Tatiana (Tati):

• Instagram, Twitter & TikTok: @alannized

Subscribe to Noche de Pendejadas with Alannized:
Stay updated with the latest episodes and never miss out on the drama, chisme, and authentic conversations every Friday.

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Note: Advertisements and non-content sections from the transcript have been excluded to maintain focus on the core conversation and narrative.

Transcript

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[Alan Ice]

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[Tatiana (Tati)]

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[Tatiana (Tati)]

She was just kind of like, mira.

[Alan Ice]

What is that? What's up, everyone? I'm your host, Alan Ice, and this is Noche de Pendejadas, your favorite podcast turned talk show. And on the Yo Trago atus influencers para platicar y PO s. So without any further ado, please help me welcome my guest tonight.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Tati. Hey.

[Alan Ice]

Hello. Hello.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yesterday. So it's been a little, you know, crazy, but here I am. I didn't die. I didn't die.

[Alan Ice]

Safe and sound. That's why whenever I fly anyone out, you guys, I always be like, text me when you land. Text me when you're in the hotel.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

You know what I mean?

[Alan Ice]

But I'm so excited. This has been a while in the making. I hit you up, what, like, maybe like, a month ago?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah.

[Alan Ice]

And we were like, let's try to figure out a date, you guys. I was literally apologizing to Tati, because I'm not gonna lie, you guys. Joe me professional. I feel like I kept ghosting. Did you at any moment.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Where is he? I. I was like, he. He don't want me in the podcast. No, you're like, it's going to happen, literally. But I was like, you know what? Coochie lives crossed. We're going to be there. We're going to make it there.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah. You know what it is? It's because el mes de mar es mi cumplanos. Es el cumplanos en me, nephew. Es el cumplanos de mi cunada. Ilo gonas el cumpanos de mino. So I'm literally, like, booked back to back every single weekend in March. That literally, my mind is like, okay, you got to do this. You got to do that. That. I was like, okay, I'm going to get to Tatis. But when it get closer to the date, that's literally what it was. I booked your hotel. What, like, the night before you landed?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

No, literally, I was like, is he ghosting me? Like, my sneaky link did? Like, what's going on here on social.

[Alan Ice]

Media that you post a lot, and a lot of people love your, you know, very far from just your content. Because I feel like, you know, we talked last night.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Hey, guys. Well, my name is Tatiana, but I go by Tati. And on social media, y'all know me as Virgo Tati. I always take y'all with me to my lunch dates, to my Everyday life. But I'm also 28 and I'm also a mom. And a lot of you don't know that. Like y'all think the gremlin is my brother. The gremlin is my son. He came out of, you know, and I'm also from the dfw. A lot of people thought that I was from la. No, Ag Town. I'm from the ag. I came straight from Arlington. And here we are. We made it.

[Alan Ice]

You know what's so funny?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Everybody said that the vibes is giving la. I was like, this is just the vibes. This is just.

[Alan Ice]

Tati, what is it like to live in Texas? What is like your day to day life in Texas?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

I have to wake up early, I have to be up by 7. My kid goes to school at 7:30 and I'm a mom. But a lot of you guys don't know I'm a single mom. So baby, I'm mommy and daddy all the time. So I gotta clock in at seven. We I wake up, go get my son ready for school, take him to school, and then right after school I gotta get home, you know, because we gotta work.

[Alan Ice]

A lot of people don't know that you're a mom.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah, a lot of people don't know. They just think that's like my younger brother. No, I've been doing this since I was 18 years old. I was a teen mom as well.

[Alan Ice]

Like as soon as the camera turned on, she was like, all right. I love that though, because I was telling her that I'm so used to people being nervous, which I feel like it's okay. Especially because. And you're like, wait, but you, you film on the dji, right?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

I do, I do. I just recently. Got it. I love it.

[Alan Ice]

It's like so it's why I hate the dgi. My boyfriend is like a DJI on his vlogs. He loves them on his dgi and I love them too. I love seeing like the quality and like. But whenever I try to film on the DGI is too slow for me. Why? Because when I vlog for YouTube, like I be moving. You're moving a lot and with the dji, you can't move. Crazy.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Okay. I'm not going to lie to you though.

[Alan Ice]

We're going to go ahead and start off with La pregunta encantempesar with because I feel like it's very important to kind of understand you a little bit more. How was Tatis growing up?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Impecable. Close. United States, I guess. You know, they Wanted to live the American dream, you know, Every single Latino parent wants to live the American dream. Because a lot of people don't know, like, no soy Mexicana, soy Salvadorena. I'm a little pupusa. I was born there. My dad came here when I was 3, and my mom was basically a single mom. My uncles, too, like, my uncle and my two uncles. The American dream, baby, is not a dream. You gotta chase it. You gotta hustle. You gotta put in the work to receive, you know, it's not just gonna come easy. So my dad came over here. He was here for about six months. And I feel like after those six months, that's when my parents, like, divorced. They kind of split up. They weren't together. My dad cheated on my mom with her, her brother's wife.

[Alan Ice]

So your mom's brother's wife?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yes. So, like, yeah. And then my mom, like, you know what?

[Alan Ice]

Like, it was. It just, like. Were they very public about their relationship?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

No, she told her, like, it wasn't like they were together. It was just like one little spicy moment, like, in the moment, and el momento. They did their thing. Bam. Bam. Thank you, ma'am. He told my mom that he cheated on her. My mom was like, estavian. Yeah. And then she cut it off. And it was just me and my mom for a very long time. That's why I always say me and my mom are literally like, mejores amigas. Like, that's. That's my everything.

[Alan Ice]

Essentially, she becomes a single mom. Contigo in El Salvador. Did you continue having a relationship with your dad afterwards, or was it kind of just rocky after?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Honestly, it was just kind of rocky. I didn't really speak to him. It was just kind of me and my mom. That's all I remember. And after that, like, obviously, it was just me and her, and we were in a Salvador. And if you really know, like, it's really poverty over there. Like, there's not a lot of jobs. And she had a kid. Like, she can't just say, hey, I'mma go look for a job, you know? She didn't have nobody else supporting her. Her mom was in Guatemala, so it was just me and her. So I just remember, like, we would literally eat cafe. I don't know if y'all eat that like Mexicans do. But, like, you guys, she was a hustler. She was always a hustler. So we would be outside and she would be selling it, and that's how, like, she would make her living, right? But once I turned five, she was like, you know what? Vas like, I want something better for you. And then also, I had a brother. Let me backtrack a little bit. So since my mom. I'm sorry, mom. I'm putting your business out there. But since, you know, me dad's a la ISO, so me mama. You know this. So then she had, like, a best friend. They ended up doing their thing. And here comes my brother. Here comes my little brother. So it was me, my mom, and my brother, and I'm like, girl, no, they were just really good friends. Yeah, they just had a baby because she was just, like, you know, she was heartbroken now. Yeah, she was heartbroken. So she was like. So she did. It was just me, my mom, and my brother, and she, like I said, she was doing her little side hustle. And we had family over there, but it was just kind of like. I don't know. I just feel like my family's never been there for my mom, so it was just me and her and my brother, her trying to hustle. And then after she had my brother, it was like, six months into my brother being born. She was just kind of like, you know what? Quiero algo mas par ustedes. Like, ustedes nosa mer en estavida. I'm gonna go to the U.S.

[Alan Ice]

Do you remember the moment she told you?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

I'm like, I'm sorry.

[Alan Ice]

No, you're good. You're good.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Well, she was just kind of like. So when she told me, she was just kind of like, I want something better for us. Like, I'm gonna be leaving. I didn't know she was gonna be leaving. Out of the country, though. No, literally. So medijo ilo bueno antes. Mind you, I didn't really, like, talk to my grandma like that because, like I said, like, my grandma was never there for my mom. Like, she didn't really ra him. Her dad did. But at this time, I was only, like, five, so it had only been, like, about two years since my dad left, a year and a half since they split up.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

So when she tells me this, I'm just, like, heartbroken, because, like I said that my mom has always been my best friend. So I was like, you know what? I can't do nothing about it. Like, I'ma have to go. So she takes us to my grandma. Mind you, my brother is six months old, so he's literally just a baby. Like, so everything. At first, I feel like it was fine with my grandma, but she was just like, I feel like my grandma has Always been the type of person that she's kind of those kind of moms that prefer men over their kids, you know, so yo se por que mi ma peso que nosay. But I just think she was really just trying to do whatever was best for us. So she goes and she lives with my grandmas. At first, everything was fine. Like the mama le mandava di nero Por que puesta tu sudo si hoso mi mama sevino ca. And mind you, I was very heartbroken about that because that's all I knew. And I didn't really ever share moments with my grandma. So it was really hard to adjust to school, to being with her, to not having my mom. And I didn't really get to talk to my mom like that. My mom's sending her money, but my grandma literally, like, as bad as this sounds like, and I have forgave her, but I'm never gonna forget she was like a. I feel like an evil stepmom for the seat because she loved my little brother and she. She never raised her kids. So that was like her first time actually being una mama. So whenever I got there, she. I was also living with her husband's daughter. When she was like about my age, I would say she was probably like a couple years older than me, like two years older than me. Me and her, like, just kind of stuck together. Like when I met her, it was just kind of like, this is my sister. You know, my mom's sending her money and she's putting us on the phone. Like.

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[Tatiana (Tati)]

Olympia. Mind you, like, we're in Guatemala, so there's no electric stoves there. Like, it sounds crazy, but there's no electric stoves. There's no like water like that. So we, I literally had to sit there and build a fire like, and make tortillas, grind coffee beans and make coffee. If not, I'm not going to five years old. Yeah, I'm not going to school because she just didn't have no sympathy for me. And I feel like that's how she was with my mom. And I'm literally my mom's twin. So maybe it was like seeing a reflection of her. I don't know, like literally like sifora Cinderella and like the two evil stepsisters. But we were just the two Cinderellas. Like, we were scrubbing floors, cleaning the whole house. My brother was living luxury, which I don't blame him. You know, I'm like, glad that you got to live that life. But nosotras, you know, I remember one time, like they had sent us to the grocery store. Imagine wearing bicycleta, like, and we ate it on the way home because we knew, like, we can't show up to the house with chocolate. Because. Because we're gonna get our ass whooped. So we show up, right? And we're like, you know. No, she knew. And then we just finally told her, like, I'm sorry. Like, because she kept telling us, like. So then we go, right? And then we just tell her. You. Like, we're like, you know what? We got our ass beat.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

You know? So, like, she would do crazy stuff like that. Like, any little things. Come on. Like, cleaning ladies, like, y'all gotta do this and that. Go to school, come home and shut the up.

[Alan Ice]

Do you feel like you guys would kind of do more chores in the house than she would?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

She wouldn't do anything. She wouldn't do anything. Like, literally.

[Alan Ice]

She literally was like.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Oh, okay. Like, I just gotta do what I gotta do to get through it. And honestly, at that time, I thought I was never gonna see my mom again because it had. By this time, I. I've been there, like, a year now, you know, So I kind of had got adjusted to that life.

[Alan Ice]

Like, you're like, oh, this is my new life. Did you ever tell your mom what was going on? Like, over the phone? What was going on?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

No.

[Alan Ice]

There.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

I wasn't able to tell my mom anything because every time, like, I was on the phone with my mom, it was always like, she was right there. Like, my grandma's, like, right there. Like. And the thing was, like, I was really scared because, like, this is the person that's taking care of me. This is the person that's supposed to care for me, but really doesn't care about me at all, you know? And my mom, like, so I can't blame her. I did resent her for a while, I would say. Because I'm like, like, yeah, and you knew that she was crazy. But I can say, like, I forgive my grandma for a lot of stuff, but I'm not gonna forget. And I. I mean, that's basically it. I feel.

[Alan Ice]

Do you feel like you have a relationship with her now at all?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

I used to talk to her. Like, I used to talk to her for a while. Because when I. Like, when I came here, I told my mom, like, everything. Like, I. I, Like, I told our family because I was like, I don't know if you know what. Like, Ma is like the ayaco, and the. Is like, ma. So when we would get grounded, she would put, like, the actual hard seeds on the floor, and we would have to get on our knees and just sit there for, like, hours. Like, hasta que nos diga. Like, levanta te oh, si, se levanta. Like, we literally would get up and we'll have, like, the maize imprinted on our knees from, like, her. Just, like, if she wants you to stay there for two hours, you're gonna do it, or you're gonna deal with the consequences, or you're gonna be there even longer. So it was stuff like that, but it would just be the smallest things. Like, we couldn't laugh about certain things. We couldn't say certain things.

[Alan Ice]

Like, you mentioned, you know, some of your guys's family members or just people you guys knew in Guatemala. Found out.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

I think I was like, I would. I think I was, like, 8 years old, right? So la mama. My great grandma was like, hey, I'm gonna come visit the kids. Because my. I guess my mom told her, like, hey, bachelor. My great grandma came to Guatemala, and they came and stayed with me. I don't remember right. So when they come, obviously nobody knew the living situation. They knew my brother was good. So, like, they seen him. They spent a couple days with us. But it was bad to the point where, like, we didn't even have beds. Like, it was like the little. Because over there, it wasn't like wood. It was like, springs. Like, that's what me and her were sleeping on. Me and his. What's it called? Her husband. So we were just sleeping in those springs and they were staying in beds. And I guess my abuela was just like, what the hell? Like, everybody just thought we were happy. Because I had no choice. I couldn't tell anybody, you know, Fake it. Yeah, I had to fake it. Because if I didn't fake it, then that was my ass. Like, I didn't know what she could do. You never knew. Like, whatever she could grab, whatever she could hit me with. She didn't care, and she didn't really care about me. Like, I could feel it, you know, Because I saw my brother. There was a difference between my brother and me. Like, my brother was cool. He was chilling. He was living his best life. Like, even one year. I remember I was like, hey, Grandma. Like, I really want those, like, really fluffy dresses for my birthday because I just want to feel like a princess. So she made me. Me. She was like, you know what? Well, tell your mom. Mind you, too. Like, my mom had some kids when she came here, okay? So I do have two other siblings. So I have two brothers and a sister. So when she came here, when she had two kids, like, I was really mad. I'm not gonna lie. I was really mad at my mom because I was like, why are you having more kids than you have two kids over here? And like my life sucks, you know, Like I just hated my life.

[Alan Ice]

And that's why you resented her even more during that time?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

For sure. Like, I feel like I hated her at one time, you know, Cuz I was like, how did you go from being my best friend to not caring about me? And then you have two kids and you're just living the perfect family life over there. Cuz she had like a, she had a new boyfriend and they, they had a little baby boy at first and then they had a little baby girl. So I'm like, is she replacing me? Like it kind of felt that way. So I kind of resented her for a while about that. But like. Or like what actually happened in between until like that I'm older now. Like I understand why she made the decisions that she made and she wasn't trying to leave me behind. She really just wanted something better for herself. And my stepdad was just there to support her. So the love just kind of came, you know.

[Alan Ice]

I'm assuming you were so excited, you were happy, you know, the Esso and.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Going back to like like my grandma seeing everything that we're going through, you know, at least me, she told my mom like principal, like he's good. Like, so they tell my mom and even though like fast forward. So even though my grandma treats me like terribly, I have like a trauma bond to her. Like, like I'm like. And it was like Friday, so it was like only a couple days like packing. So I guess my. I don't know if my mom didn't have the funds because it was a very last minute thing because I just like, like I said I was like at that time, I just resent to her a little bit because I'm like, you done moved on. You have a whole new family. Like though. So I had been with my grandma like, you know, a couple years at that point. So I was very attached to her. And I would say it was like a trauma bond. Like she would treat me terrible, but I would, I still loved her. Like that's still my grandma. That was still the person that was looking after me. Yeah. She tells me, she's like, okay, like I, I really didn't have a say so like I kind of just had to get my stuff and go like I couldn't say no. I couldn't say yes. It was just like, you gotta. But I didn't really have a say, so I was just a kid.

[Alan Ice]

You're just going with Whatever was going on.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah. And I didn't really. I couldn't say no. Like, they're like, you gotta go. I'm like, okay, I'm going. So. So I'm like, oh, it's a road trip. So. So they were kind of telling me, like, hey, you can say these things, but. Because they're gonna be on to you.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

And I'm just like, yes, yes, yes. So we just go through a couple of houses. I remember going to Mexico. Everybody was really nice, though, because it wasn't just me. It was a couple other kids. Like, I was with a couple other kids. And I had met, like, a little best friend there. Like, it was a little boy. So me and him kind of stuck it out together throughout the whole time. And once we got to Mexico, they're like, okay, like, y'all are gonna go with her in a truck. This older lady, and she had like, this big house. Like, I was like, damn. Because. And they're not made with the same materials, you know, like, we have dirt floors inside the house. Like, that's normal. We don't have a gas stove. She had a gas stove. There was like spongebob on the tv. I'm like, like, this is. This is the life.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah, right. You're like, I want to listen. Live here. Can I just stay here?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Can I just stay here? But the lady was really nice. Like, I remember we got tacos and then we got in her truck. And for some reason, thank the Lord. Like, the Lord's always there for me. God's always there for me, right? They're like, yes, that's in California. I'm like, what? Like, know. So, hey. And I was with, like, my little best friend I had met on the way here. And he was like, hey, uno these days is gonna get dropped off. And I'm over here living the good life. Like, no, no. I'm like. And it was me long and belong. Like, I was. It was me. They're like, they're dropping you off. I get dropped off with a tia in California. I meet my tia. It's. It's my abuela sister. So Mia. What. What would you call that? Matern? I get dropped off with her. And honestly, like, I stayed with her, I think. Cuz I loved it. Like, you don't really have best friends. You have, like, cousins, kids. When I got with my tia, then my prima was there, so it made me feel a lot more comfortable. And my, like, tia hasn't really. Like, she didn't really raise her kids like, her, like, her mom also took care of her kids. Her mom was a good grandma, you know, so because my thea would always send money, so they were always raised good. So since my prima was here, was a little more comfortable and my tia was there. She also had a boyfriend at the time. So when I got here, Matthias, like, also, what's going on? Because they were asking me, like, que paso con? To like, because nobody knew. So I kind of just told all of them. Like, everybody was just, like, very sympathetic, like, cared, you know? But again, like, nobody knew. Like, sometimes I feel bad because I'm like, I resented all these people. So she was like, we're gonna go to Santa Monica. Like, I remember we went to, like, little boutiques, and I was always, like, a Barbie girl. Like, I always been a super girly girl. Like, I love makeup. I love, like, little fashion stuff. So we went to, like, a couple little boutiques here in la and she bought me a bunch of, like, little matches, and I just felt like a Bratz doll. Like, I just felt like.

[Alan Ice]

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[NPR Host]

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[Tatiana (Tati)]

It was just a whole new life. Like it just felt so different.

[Alan Ice]

Like it was like a huge transition.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah. Because I came from having nothing, like to just being. It felt like I was in a novella and I was like la protagonista or something, you know, literally. So like we would go and like she would do little stuff for me, Santa Monica. Like she would. She just treated me like I was her own.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

To the point where I felt like I was like, no me. Like I just kept getting adjusted. Like I was like, I don't want to go. Cuz my mom was like, I'm her daughter, you know. But I think it. It was like difficult to get me over there because I had to go on a plane and then nobody was driving over there with like the whole immigration stuff, you know, like I'm here legally. Like I don't have an id, I don't have a passport. Like I can't just get on a plane and say bye. Like I'm going to Texas. So I don't know what they did. Mom was like, no. So somehow some way, my stepdad now, which I consider him my dad, like even though he is my stepdad, he's always been the one to be there.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah, like your father figure.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah, for sure. Like there he goes. Mi inspection, there he goes. A tire change, there he goes. You know, And I never had that, but for the longest it wasn't like that. So one of his sisters was like, yola, try it. I don't know exactly what they did, but somehow I was on a plane. I'm like, whoa. Like life has been so crazy this last 30 days. Like I'm literally living a movie. So we get on a plane and then I get to Texas. And then my mom, I remember my dad, my mom, my dad, my mom and my stepdad, or I would say dad. My mom and my dad picked me up and they had my siblings there and everything was just so weird. Like I just felt so awkward because at that point it had been so long, like my mom wasn't my mom, you know, like she was my mom, but. But like I don't know you. You're a stranger. Stranger danger. Like I had to like cover myself and guard myself because I just feel like she did nothing but hurt me, even though it wasn't her intentions, you know, like she really just wanted better for me. So they pick me up and we're in a car and everything is just so weird. Cuz like I never been in a car. I like, you know, Like I was literally riding a bike a week ago and now we're in a car driving to an apartment. So they pick me up, up and we go to their apartment. I'm like, oh, this is nice. Fancy. And now I have two other siblings. Like I'm like, what's going on? So I finally get here, me and my mom. I feel like for months, like y. Like I would try to go to sleep, but I would cry every time. Like I would cry myself to sleep. My mom would be like, girl, it's okay. Like you're going to be okay. You're going to see your brother soon. But I was just so. Even though that life wasn't great, I was so attached to my life.

[Alan Ice]

Wow.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Like back in Guatemala, cuz it had been so long. And that's my brother too, you know. Like I also miss my brother. So I would just cry myself to sleep. And then finally, I feel like a couple months after, like we finally started school, it was kind of difficult to kind of get me in school and school had already started. It was like three months into school already. So it, it was like a little process. And mind you, I don't speak any English. Like no English, like is what's going on, mind you over there. I think I was already. I was barely like in first grade. Like, like cuz I was 8 and I was like in first grade cuz pre K. I swear I was in prek for like three years. Like that's what it felt like. I get here and I'm like, I'm in third grade. Like what the heck? Like how did I get here? Like how did I already get to third grade?

[Alan Ice]

Graduate literally.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

That's what it feels like. Like I'm about to get my degree.

[Alan Ice]

You're in college now, babe.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

So then I start going to school and school, I honestly always like school like an escape. Even in Guatemala. Like I always like going to school. I was kind of like a bully to the boys. Never to the girls, I always been a girl's girl. But to the boys, like I would bully them and pinch them and I would always get in trouble for that. But I always loved going to school, like going to school in math. Like I'm really good at math. So once I started going to school I was like, it's like a little escape from life, you know, Like I get to meet new people and I thought everything was going to be dandy and everything was good, I feel like. But not knowing, like not speaking English was like a huge barrier for sure. Because like like, over here is like, dollars over there. Son quexales. Yes. And I would get teased all the time. Like, they would be like, you don't speak English. You don't know what we're talking about. Like, you know. You know, little girls are shy still. Like, they're like, yeah, yeah. And it'll be like, Hispanic people. I'm like, girl, are you serious?

[Alan Ice]

That is true, though. When I first came to this country, it was never white people bullying me. It was always our own kind.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Always our own kind. Yeah. Like, it was like, we're against each other. I'm like, I thought we were supposed to be cool. Like, what's going on? So, yeah, they would always bully me about that. So I made it a point. Like, I was like, no, like this. Like, I'm going to learn English if it's the last thing I do. My teacher. I remember my teacher had called my mom into a meeting, and they were like, you know how back then the star test was a big thing?

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

So they're like, you have to pass the star test fourth grade. Because I. I believe third grade, it was bilingual. So they did some Spanish, but.

[Alan Ice]

Kids will have a little bit of Spanish. But they didn't prioritize it.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah, I guess they called my mom in there and my. It was my principal and I believe my teacher that went into a meeting, and they were like, if she doesn't pass the star test, she's not going to be able to go to fourth grade. Like, you can opt her out, though. Like, you can tell her she doesn't have to take it and she's just gonna stay in third grade because she really needs to learn, like, she really needs to learn English in order to order to move forward because we don't have any more bilingual programs. And my mom just kind of looked to me and she was like, you make that decision. And I was like, no. Like, I'm taking that test. I was like, I'm taking that test. Like, I'm learning English. Like, I don't care.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

So I took that test and I passed it. And I knew that was gonna happen. I'm like, clock it. I spoke English, baby. We're back and we're bilingual now. I passed that test, and then I moved on to fourth grade. I can say, though, my school was always very helpful. Like, they always did, like, side little things. That way I could, like, learn a little bit more. So they would take me out of class and then take me to, like, eld.

[Alan Ice]

Did you guys have ELD in terms.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Of it was like, esl, I think.

[Alan Ice]

Oh, it's like that. Yeah, yeah. Like almost the same program, but, yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

I think same thing, different names.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

So they would take us out of class. I would. I was reading, like first grade books in, like, third or fourth grade. It was kind of embarrassing a little bit. I'm not going to lie. Pero me propuse. And I was just like, we're gonna do it. And I did it.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah, I love that. You know, you go through school and you're like, you know what? You apply for the DACA program. Palos que no saber amigas. Yo tambien soy un DACA recipient ibasicamente. For those of you guys that don't know, it's a program. Que graces. Adios. It was implemented to help out, you know, those kids at such a young age. What was it like applying? Were you and your mom scared? And what was the moment like for you when you got that letter that was like, you know what? You're approved.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Even before, like, I got the daca, I was already working. I think I was like freshman year 15 working, because she was working at a sonic drive in. So she was like, siquerest, like, you can come work with me and you can be the car hop. And she was the cook. And I was like, you know what? Like, and she was like, you don't have to, though, because, like, siempre tuelo necessario. Like, we never had luxury, you know, But I had a good life, like living with my stepdad and my mom. Like, they always try to give us whatever they could, but I always wanted more. Like, I always been a little ambitious, so I was like, I want more. So when she gave me the option of working, I was like, you know what? Like it, let's go. So me and her started working together. So I would work a couple days, but I would still get scared because obviously I didn't have the right identification. I didn't have a Social Security number. So it was a little scary. But I was making my own money at the time. So I remember when we got the news, me mama, she's always been on top of stuff. So she would was like, as soon as they gave us the option, she was like, you're gonna do it, you know, and it was just kind of like, fingers crossed, like, vamos aver que po.

[Alan Ice]

Did you understand in that moment what the program was for? Were you just like, oh, I don't know, I guess I gotta apply?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

I was kind of like, confused. I feel like I was Just like. And I feel like the times weren't as hard as they are now, you know, like, so it was a little easygoing. Like you could find a job even if you were undocumented. Now it's like the times are not like that. So I just didn't understand. But my mom was like, this is something you need to do. Like, no, no. So I did it. And then I just remember when we got that letter, I feel like it was more relief for my mom. Like, hey, like all that hard work, all the stuff I've been through, like it's paying off for my kids. Like, it just felt, it felt really good because I could finally go to my job and be like, here's my ID and here's my Social Security. Because my parents wanted me, me. Like, they wanted more for me, you know, My mom said like, she literally dropped out. I. I think she said like third grade. Like, what? Like you never went farther than that? She was like, no, we had to go to work. So she didn't want that for me. Obviously she knew I was working, but she wanted something better. And I always, like, I always been good at school, so I was doing like all honors classes. Like I was doing really good at, at school. Cuz like I said it was my little escape. So I just love being there. And I also used to play volleyball, so I just had friends. And at that time I had boyfriend. So I was like, I want to be there, you know? So when we got that, it was just more security for her and she's like all that stuff. So her being happy also made me happy. And then I just kind of continue to work and I just knew like I wanted to go to school, I wanted to keep going to school.

[Alan Ice]

What does being a dreamer mean to you now?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Honestly, I feel like it means everything. Cuz, like, just so, like I can't, I can't stop dreaming. Like, and now my dreams are getting bigger than ever. I feel like, like just being here, it's like out of the body moment kind of thing because it's like, what the. Like pinch me and my tetas. Like we're here. Like we kind of made it. Like, I'm next to Alan. What's going on? Like, so I feel like it means everything to me right now. Especially because I'm a mom, like, and his dad is not really around, so. So it's really just me. He just has me and my mom and my, my parents because like, so much little gang. I would say, like, we stick together. I wouldn't Say like the rest of my family, but like my mom, my brothers, my siblings, we're like a little gang, so we stick together. So the dreamer literally means everything to me. That's how I work, that's how I support my son, you know, that's. That's how I get through life. That's how I pay my bills, like literally.

[Alan Ice]

And I feel like the program in. And to all the dreamers, you know, watching or just to the dreamers in general, hope that there is, you know, a pathway to citizenship later on because that would make things even better because I do feel like, you know, and I feel like we've worked our asses, you know, other than this. And I feel like it is a little scary, you know what I mean? It is a little scary because los mismos like the same privileges. Privileges.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Because I like we are privileged. Like cuz there's kid. There's people that come over here and they're not able to get anything, you know. And the thing is, is like I feel like a lot of people see that like as a downside, you know, but people are really just trying to better their lives. And nine times out of ten, if you are a dreamer like me, I don't even have a speeding ticket on my record. Like I have never been in trouble. Like I always just try not to get in trouble. Like I don't even have a ticket in my name. So most of the dreamers are really just people trying to dream, trying to seek a better life. Life, you know what I'm saying? Or journals, just trying to accomplish their dreams and really just thinking back on my life. Like, like thinking back of where I came from. Like, like Joan, uncap and Se qu. Like this is literally my novella and I'm literally the, the. The main character. Like you know, like I. And I never thought I would be here, like just sitting here or just having a car, having a kid or just having a life. And being alone, alive is such a privilege. And it's something that I would, I would have never even like thought that I would be here and accomplish.

[Alan Ice]

You know what I mean? If any of you guys are watching at home, don't give up. Keep working. You know, that moment for you to either become a dreamer or salante. You know, if you're struggling with your mental health, you can spend hours browsing online forums, scrolling social media and reading expert advice to help you feel better. But while all these resources can be a good starting point, there's no replacement for real human relationships. It takes a real person to understand your human experience so but don't rely on generic advice online or on social media. Instead, use Alma to find a person who understands all the things that make you you. That's why Alma makes it easy to connect with an expert therapist, a real person who can listen, understand and support you through all your specific challenges. When you browse their online directory, you can filter by the qualities that matter to you. Then book a free 15 minute consultation with the therapist you're interested in. Unlike other online therapy platforms that match you with the first available person, you can find someone you connect with on a personal level and see real improvements in your mental health with their support. The rough couple of months with grief is really hard and confusing. I feel like my grieving process would have been smoother, but it's never too late to start therapy Better with people, better with Alma. Visit hello Alma.com Allan to get started and schedule a free consultation today. That's hello a lma.com a l a n that is hello Alma. The great rewards hunt is on so join the adventure with DraftKings Casino. For fun seekers follow the trail to huge jackpots, weekly bonuses and exclusive games. But the excitement is only getting started because new players can get 500 casino spins on a featured games. Just sign up with code Noche and wager a minimum of $5 to receive five 500 casino spins on a featured game only on the most rewarding place to play DraftKings Casino. The crown is yours.

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[Alan Ice]

Sophomore year that later becomes, you know, your baby daddy. Who made the first move? Principio Would you consider the relationship at the beginning, you know, healthy or was it like toxic off the bat?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

I would say it was healthy. So like I said I was working at Sonic, I wasn't working with my mom anymore cuz I had like some issues with the manager so I had moved to a different Sonic and I was still being a car hop and I was going to school and he was just a customer that would come up There. So I remember one day I just came into work, and somebody was like, hey, Tati. Like. Like, somebody. And I was like, who? Like. And they're like, oh, so? And so. And I grabbed the number, and I'm like, I don't even know who that is. Like, I'm not calling you.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

And it's crazy how God works. Like, he was there, and he hadn't even dropped off the number that day. It was the day before. So they were just regulars. They would be there every day. They're like, he's here. And I remember it. It was like, one of my co workers, I think her name was Jackie, she was like, he's outside. And then she goes out there, and she's like, hey, hey, hey, hey. And she wipes. She waves him down. And then he comes. And then I'm like, you left a number for me? Like, me, Tati. Like, it's not the other Hispanic girl. Because they had said something about like, oh, she's a Hispanic girl. Because there was two to. There was another girl there, too. And I was like, are you sure it wasn't her? He's like, no. Like, I. I want you.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah. He's like, I want that one.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

And then I'm like. I was like, okay. So I started kind of talking to him for a little bit. I was like, you know what? I'll talk to him. Like, he's cute. He's a little fine. So I started talking to him. But, like, other girls there, like, were friends with him. You know, it's me and only me, and that's it. So he would talk to other girls. So I stopped talking to him for a while. But my manager, she was talking to his best friend, so. And me and her were best friends at the time. So she was like, why don't you talk to him? Like. And my parents trusted her, like, with their whole life. Like, my dad knew her, and my dad was really cool with the manager. She was older than me. She was 21, and I was, what, maybe like, 17? 17?

[Alan Ice]

16.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah. So my. She would always take me home. Take me home after work. When I would get off, she would be like, one night when I'm leaving, they come. Obviously, she's talking to one of them. So he comes with his best friend, which my bd. They come, and she said, go talk to him. Like, go get in the car. Because they were in their car, and we were in her car. She was like, go get in the car. Like, we're gonna drive to the gas station. We go to the gas. Gas station. And I get in the car with him and he's like, hey, so what's up with you? Like, why don't you talk to me? Why did you stop talking to me? Because even prior to that, he would always be like, let's hang out, let's hang out, let's hang out. And my parents were super strict. Like, no sales, no vas. Yeah, like my mom was super strict about that. You know, I would always cancel. And then we finally stopped talking because he was talking to all these other girls that I thought he was talking to you, but I don't know. In that moment, since my manager, best friend and she was with the best friend, I was like, I should give him like a chance. So like we start talking. We talked for like about two weeks, right? And one day I'm supposed to get off early, but my manager like, so I'll take you home. She was like, I'm gonna make a deposit and I'm gonna take you to his house so you can hang out with him. So it was like a little sneaky.

[Alan Ice]

I was like, yeah, I've been like, hey, coming through.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah, she. I'm like, she's pulling through for me because she's pulling strings left and right. My parents are like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like they were cool with her. So she goes and makes the deposit, I think, and she goes and drops me off his friend's house. Cuz they were hanging out together and like we hang out or whatever. And then he like tries to make a move and he wants to like, get spicy. And I'm like, no, like I'm not doing that. Like I. I'm not that kind of girl. And then he was like, well, would you be my girlfriend?

[Alan Ice]

Will you do it?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Then he's like, can I hit that? And then I'm just like, you know what? Like yeah, I'll be your girlfriend. Because I did really like him. Like I was very physically attracted to him. And that was the first time like I had spoke to another man besides like my first boyfriend. And that was like my first love, I would say. So I was like, oh, like, maybe this is something. So we start dating and the relationship is really good. Like he always wants to hang out, he always wants to see me. But like I said, my parents like just wouldn't like that because I always been a good kid and I always listened to my parents. Like if my parents told me to do something, that's just what was right. And I never questioned it. I would, I would just do It. So when I started dating him, I was like, you know what? We're gonna do this, right? Like, because, like, my mom doesn't play around.

[Alan Ice]

Was he older?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

No, he's actually nine months younger than me. But he had told me he was 17 when we had met, so I thought we were the same age. He's white and Hispanic? Yeah, white and Puerto Rican. So his parents were really strict, and he's a boy, so he was just doing whatever he wanted to do. So I was like, no. Like, you got to talk to my parents. Like, that's not gonna fly with my mom. Like, she wants to feel comfortable, so I take him to the house. House. She's like, oh, okay. Whatever. I would always be like, okay, like, me and my boyfriend are gonna go do this. She's like, oh, me and my boyfriend are gonna go to the movies. We'll take your brother. Like, every time I went on a date, it was like a triple date. Like, I couldn't even kiss. Like, I'm like, oh, give me a kiss. Like, it was like that. Like, it was never, like, just me on a beauty. Yeah, I had security. There would be security there, and there was. So I just kind of got tired of that because I'm like, I'm not a kid. Like, I'm making my own money. Because at that point, I was kind of paying for all my stuff. So I was paying for my phone. I was shopping for myself. So I kind of felt, like, joyous. Said, like, I'm an adult. Like, let me do what I want to do. I just kind of got tired of it. Of, like, them always coming. Or, like, he would be like, hey, like, my parents are having this. Like, could you come? Or, we're gonna get together or whatever it was. And my mom was always like, no, no, puerto. And I'm like, you know, he's my boyfriend. Like, you already know. Like, we're together. Like, what else can you do? But I'm like, yeah, girl, you got five kids. You know what we could be doing? So. So then I just kind of got tired of it, so I started sneaking out. So one day. Oh, my God, dude. And Eric, if you're watching. Oh. So one time, my little. Me and my little sister, like, we always been best friends, too, like, because I think she was the only girl. So she kind of just attached, like, herself to me because we were so similar. I would do her makeup. I would do her hair. Like, that's literally my evil twin. We get in arguments all the time. Like, at the end of the Day, you know? So I told my little sister and I was like, I'm a sneak out out. And she was like, you're gonna sneak out? I was like, yeah, I'm sneak out. Would you help me? And she's like, yeah, like, I'm gonna help you.

[Alan Ice]

Like my sister, like, tell me what to do.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah. So I was like, okay, so what you're gonna do is lock yourself in the room and act like you're with me and imma sneak out because we were having like a little party. We're gonna play beer pong. My boyfriend at the time and then his best friend and his girlfriend. So it was like a little quadruple day or double date. She's like, okay. So she goes in my room and she locks the door. Mind you, we had a dog and we had like a bush outside my window, and I had to jump the fence. Like, it was a. I was on a mission and I was on it. Like, I was like, okay, I'm gonna get that D. No.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Like, I'm coming for that pepino tonight. Don't worry. So I open the window, right? And I hop out. And my sister, I'm like, just make it seem like there's somebody there next to you. She made like a little dummy of, like, pillows. That was me or whatever. So then I get out, right? The dogs are barking. I'm like, getting scratched up. I jump the fence. He catches me. We're out, mind you. Como quin seminutosado. My brother rams himself into the room and goes tell. He goes and tells on me. Yeah. He's like. And my mom is blowing up my phone. Babe, your mom, like. Like, I'm just having a blast. And my mom's calling me. And then I'm just like, no. Like, I'm not going home. So, like, me and him, like, just do some stupid. We start walking around town just doing dumb. His mom, like, finds us and he's like, hey, like, you need to take that home. Because, like, her mom is pissed off. So we finally go home, and then, like, I remember, like, our moms were talking and they were like, yeah, like, we don't want that thing to be pregnant. Like, I feel like that was like my parents parents biggest fear. Like, they're like, we don't want her to be pregnant. We don't want her to be left with a kid or kids having kids. Like, that's just not gonna work out. Like, I said, that was their biggest fear, right? So they were like, like, we don't want her to Be pregnant. I have helped like my parents, like, because like whenever they would be at work enough, they're like. So I would stay home with like like my two brothers and my sister. Oh, my brother and my sister. Because like, he didn't come till pro. Well, at that time my brother had already came, like, cuz he. So he had got here. Like I said, Eric was always out to get me, so he told on me. They find out and we finally go home, they're over here talking, tell. Talking about, hey, like we don't want her to be pregnant. In my head I'm like, dude, I helped you raise two kids. I don't want to be pregnant either. Like, and I would tell my mom, like, I'm not gonna get pregnant. Like, I'm not gonna get pregnant pregnant. Right, right. So then I guess fast forward a year into our relationship. My mom got mad because she found out I was having sex. And like, like that is not it. Like. And my parents, like, I feel like they're so old fashioned back in the day that they don't want to talk about sex. It's like pro evido. Like, I'm like, y'all have kids. Like, we know what y'all be doing.

[Alan Ice]

Like y'all were team parents too.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

So yeah, they just wouldn't like tell me anything about protection or whatever. So my mom finds out I'm having sex because I left my phone at home. I was at work, left my phone at home. And she goes through my phone and I'm like, I know.

[Alan Ice]

Like, she's like, she's gonna see the videos.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah. Like, I'm like, bro, like, no. And at work I'm okay. Yeah. Like, I feel it. I felt it. Like I felt it in the bottom of my stomach. Like I could just feel something coming, you know? So I get home and my mom's like, you're having sex? And she's just yelling at me. She's like, you're a. And all this stuff. Like, you need to get the out. Like she kicks me out. She got so mad. She was like, you need to get the out. Like, I'm not having that.

[Alan Ice]

I didn't raise no puta.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Literally. Like, like she was like, I'm not having that. Like, because she want. And I understand. Like, she just didn't want me to get pregnant. But at the same time, girl, like, you could have just told me, like, we're a cosm.

[Alan Ice]

We get on birth control, kicking me out. Now I'm really going to get pregnant.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Like, now I'm running Like, so then she was like, okay, you need to get out. So at that time, I had a best friend, and I was like, here. Like, my mom kicked me out. Like, esto paso. She found my phone, and, like, she's seen all these text messages, and now she knows I'm having sex. Sex. So my friend was like, oh, well, like, come stay with me. So I go and stay with my friend for a couple days, mind you. Like, me and him, I think we were still talking. We were probably, like, on a little break because we would have, like, fights here and there. Like, it wasn't perfect. It was a good relationship at first, but we would have fights in there. So we had. We were taking, like, a little break. So I go and stay at my friend's house, but she's only staying with her brothers. It was just two of her brothers, and it was her. Because her mom had moved to Colorado or whatever. I think. Cuz she. I don't know. I think she had found a new boyfriend. She moved to Colorado, but my friend wanted to finish school in Texas, so she was like, you can stay with us. So I stay with them. But her brothers are popping pills. Like, I don't. I'll see, like, all that. They're popping pills, like, estado. In an environment like that.

[Aura Host]

Like that.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah, yeah. So I was scared. Yeah, I was a little scared. Like, I was a little freaked out because I never seen people act like that or like, people be on drugs, you know? Know. So I tell him. Like, I told my boyfriend, whatever at the time, because we were in a little fight. I was like. Like, I'm a little uncomfortable. Like, they're doing this. And mind you, like, my boyfriend would also do pills. Like, he was on Xanax, so he kind of knew the scene, I guess. So then he meets the brothers, and he's like, yeah, no. Like, you're not going to stay with your friend. Like, you're going to come to my house and you're going to stay with me. And I'm like, period.

[Alan Ice]

I'm like, just what I wanted.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah. Literally. So I grab all my stuff and I move in with him. Mind you, his mom is white. Like, no, Lim. Porta. Like, she's like, oh, yeah, you can sleep in his room. Oh, yeah, y'all can lock the door. Oh, yeah. Like, I look so. Baby, we were having a time every night, like, five times a day. Like, we were just bunnies. Like, we're going crazy. Because I just loved him so much at the time. You know, I would say, like, Six. Probably like six months. Yeah, five to six months of me living with him. And mind you, he's not working. I'm like the only one working at that time and I'm going to school. And it was difficult, kind of like living with them because schedule. So I was missing school a lot. Like I was skipping classes and I wasn't going to school because they could not get their schedule right. I didn't have a car, I had a job, so I was missing school a lot. So I remember my school had called my mom and they were like, hey, like if Tati doesn't get her grades up because we're already in senior year at this point. They were like, if Tati doesn't get her grades up, like she's not gonna graduate.

[Alan Ice]

Wait.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

And my mom was like, what? Like you go from being a, a B student like on like in honors classes and now you're not gonna graduate? So my mom was kind of mad and she was kind of on my ass about that. And his mom was also mad at me for not going to school, but she would also not take me to school. So it's like, like I was just. Either way. One day my boyfriend picks me up from work and he smokes cigarettes, right? And I never like to smell the cigarettes. Like it always smells, gives me a headache and it makes me feel gross. But since I had been with him for like a couple years now, like, yeah, maybe I.O. so it never bothered me. So I remember I got in the car and he's smoking a cigarette. I'm like, put it away. Like I just feel icky. Like I feel like I'm about to throw up. He's like, you're pregnant? Hahaha. I'm like, no, I'm not. So I get home and like I try to throw up and I'm just feeling gross and. But nothing. Like I was fine. So then, then fast forward a couple weeks. His mom was mad at me for not going to school, but she wouldn't take me to school. So she was like, no, she needs to get out. Like I don't want her staying at my house. Yeah, like she's been here too long. She has overstayed her welcome. She needs to get out. So I'm like, okay, like I need to get out. Whatever. Mind you, at that time I always, like I feel like I always had a little best friend. Like I always had a girl I could always confine on. And I feel like that's why I'm a girl, girls girl. Because I always had Somebody to lean on. So his cousin had a girlfriend at the time and me with her and her were like best friends. So she's like, I remember I had like a couple days to move out of his house. Like she, his mom was like decided like the Dinoskate, right? And I was late on my period one day. But as women, I feel like that changes. Like sometimes, you never know, sometimes they'll change a couple days. So I wasn't worried, but she had picked me up and we're just chilling, talking about everything. Like, oh, I can't believe she's kicking me out. Like, no, no. Mind you, I haven't told my mom. They can't I've been kicked out or anything.

[Alan Ice]

So you don't even know if you have a house.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Like, I was just like, I'm returning.

[Alan Ice]

I'm just gonna show the up.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah. So I haven't told my mom anything because I was scared she was gonna tell me. No. You know, because she was already mad about me missing, missing school. She picks me up and she's like, let's go get a pregnancy test. I said, girl, for what? Like, what are we gonna get a pregnancy test for? I'm not pregnant. I'm a. It's only been one day. She's like, but you're gonna go back to your parents house, so why not? Like, let's just get you a pregnancy test. She picks me up in her car because she drives. We go to CVS and I'm like, I'm gonna get a pregnancy test, I guess because I'm gonna go back to my parents house, so I might as well know if I am pregnant. But I know, I know I'm not pregnant, right? And I was like, and I know I'm not pregnant. Like, I just knew in my head I wasn't pregnant. So we go get the pregnancy test and she's like, just take it here in the bathroom. I'm like, are you sure? So we go in the, in the CVS bathroom, open up that pregnancy. I go in there and then I pee on that stick. It immediately it says I'm pregnant. I swear my butthole and my mouth was one. Like, I was just like. Like there's something living in me right now. And I just bust out crying because that's my mom biggest fear. And it. Yeah, and it's not a fear. It's like reality now, you know, like, it's not a fear anymore. Mom, I'm pregnant. I found out I'm pregnant. I feel like my whole world is over like my whole world is coming down and I'm just like, oh my God, like, what am I going to do? How am I going to tell my parents? Whatever. Right after that I was like, okay, we gotta tell my baby daddy. So we drive up to his house and I still had to pick up some of my stuff because I was gonna stay with her one more night. And then I was just gonna show up to my parents like, hey, I'm here. Hello. Like, take me back in. So we go back and I tell him and he's like, what is this? Like, I don't know what this is. And I was like, what do you mean you don't know what it is? I was like, it's a pregnancy test. Like, I'm pregnant. And then I just start crying again and he's like, oh, it's okay. Like, we're gonna get through this together. Like, don't worry. And it makes me feel more at ease because I'm like, okay, I have some support. Like even if my parents don't support me, they will. But his mom just hated me at that time, so I was just kind of scared too.

[Alan Ice]

Did you guys tell her right away or. No, he.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

He told his parents before I told mine. So I think he waited like a couple weeks and she was just like, no estu girl. What? You knew we were in pound town right next to you. Right next to you and you didn't care and all of a sudden he's not your kid. Like that's not your kid or whatever. So I just show up to my parents house. Like I just show up to my parents house and I'm like, hey, I'm here. And mom's like, like, you're going to stay here. And she was. I was like, yeah, like I need to go to school, I need to better my situation and I really want to graduate. Like I don't want to disappoint you in that way. I already disappoint you in many ways. But I'm not telling her I'm pregnant because my mom is so scary. Like I'm about to be 30, I'm 28, and I'm still like, like scared. Scared to tell her anything. Like bad, you know, I go and I stay with my parents for I. I think it was like three month. No, probably like six months.

[Alan Ice]

Damn. Almost the whole pregnancy.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah, six months before I told. And I didn't tell him. Like I didn't really tell them.

[Alan Ice]

You were crazy showing.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

No, I didn't start showing till I was like seven Months. Like, literally one day I woke up and I had a pana. Like, and I just had a baby in there. So I moved back in with my parents. I. I started going back to school, and I started getting to it, like, because my teachers would always be like, tati, if you would just show up, like, you're smart. You listen. If you would just show up, you could get this done. So I talked to all my teachers. I'm like, hey, like, I really want to graduate. What can I do? What credits can I take? They're like, okay, well, you're gonna have to do this and that. So I started getting everything ready for my graduation, and everything is looking like, I'm a graduate graduate. So I'm super excited, right? But right before I graduate, I would probably say it was like, two weeks before I graduated. My mom goes to the store with my dad. They're like, oh, we're gonna go take a little walk. We're gonna go to the dollar store. I'm like, okay. Mind you, I already had symptoms. Like, I remember, and, like, it was weird. Like, I remember one time, I was, like, unwrapping my strainer, and you know how, like, the strainer has, like, the little wrapping things, and I'll make noise. My mom's like, are you. Are you opening a tampon? Like, do you have your period? I was like, oh, no, this is just my strainer. She's like, oh, okay, okay.

[Alan Ice]

It's like, she, like, she was on you, cuz. She was like, oh, I don't see.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Blood anymore, asking for tampons, and I haven't seen you, like, buy anything. So I'm like, okay. And then that day, they were like, yeah, like, we're going to walk to the store or whatever. And I'm like, why are y'all walking? Like y'all have a car? Like, everything just, like, something in my heart just told me, like, she's on to me. Like. So they leave, and I go in the bathroom, and I just start bawling because I'm like. And like. Like, what? What's gonna happen?

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Mind you, at this time, like, obviously my baby daddy already knew, but he said he was gonna be there for me, and he said he was gonna care, but he just. He was just out partying. He was out partying. He was out talking to girls. So I was just like, I was pregnant, and I was already going through all that, and I was just so mentally drained already because I'm pregnant with the kid. I can't do anything, and I have to work, and you're just not caring. You're with this girl and that girl.

[Alan Ice]

You would be physically cheating on you.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah, yeah. He would be physically cheating at parties. And, like, no, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. But I'm just FBI as. So I would log into all his accounts. Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Get Up Back, then kick.

[Alan Ice]

Kick. Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Maybe I would get on them and it would be like, girls, like, oh, like, we had a time last night. Or, hey, like, am I gonna see round two? Yes. Yes. Or be bitches, like, posting like, they're pregnant. They're like. They would have, like, my son's name, like, Aiden. Because I had already, like, said it, you know, to him or, like, to my social media. My parents just didn't know. It was just a lot. Like, I was just like. Because I didn't have him. Like, we just weren't together at that time because I was just fed up with that. So I was like, I don't got to be with you like that. So then when my mom went to the store and she had came back, I had already got out the shower. I was like, I'm closing the door and I'm locking it. And she's. She comes in and she's like, tati. I'm like, yeah. She's like. I'm like, okay. So I got. I go out there, and she looks at me, and she hands me a pregnancy test. She said, take this or tell me if you're pregnant. And I'm just like. I look at her. I'm like, should I go to the toilet and dip it in water? Or should I just tell her? Because I'm six months pregnant and I really don't have no support, and they don't know I'm going through all this.

[Alan Ice]

Because you can't hide it anymore.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah. And I just, like. I feel like, just in general, I. I'm a person that just keeps everything to herself. Like, I'd rather deal with everything by myself. And I didn't know if I wanted to be with my baby daddy, you know, later on. So I didn't want my parents to, like, think of him in a certain way or see him in a certain light. So I just wouldn't tell them. Like, my baby daddy's not there. I'm not with him.

[Alan Ice]

Like, ain't.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah, he's with another. Like, I wouldn't tell them. So I was just like, I'm pregnant. Like, mom, I'm pregnant. And she's like, you're Pregnant. She's like, I knew it. I knew you were pregnant. So she just kind of got it out of me. And I was a yamper. She's like, you're a. You're a. Like, I didn't want this for you. This is not what I wanted to. You kid. She's like, and you only have one option, and that's to be a mom. And I was like, well, honestly, there was no doubt in my mind though. Even though I was like, I don't want to get pregnant so young or whatever, but there was no doubt in my mind I wanted to keep my baby for sure. Because that was.

[Alan Ice]

That abortion was not a. An option.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah, she obviously didn't give me that option, but that wasn't an option in my mind either. Like, I was just like, I can do it. Like, if my mom could do it with her five kids. So I told them, right? And she's just crying and she's like, no. Like, I'm so disappointed. Like, you have disappointed me. And I'm just like, I'm sorry, mom. Like, I'm sorry. Like, I know this is not what you wanted and this is exactly what I did. Like, I'm sorry. She's like, like, I just told you. Now you want me to tell him? So she calls my dad over and she's like, and my dad has always been so nonchalant. I love this about him. Cuz they're like fire and ice. Like, she's definitely the fire. And he's definitely. He's like, okay, cool, cool. Like, what is she gonna do? Is he gonna be there for her? And I was like, yeah, like he's gonna be there. Because I didn't know how to tell my mom. Like.

[Alan Ice]

Like it was too much.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah, it was too much at once to say, right? So she was like, yeah, like, he's gonna. I was like, yeah, he's gonna be there. Like, we talked about it. He said he's gonna be there and help me with him or whatever. She was like, what was. And I'm like, oh my God.

[Alan Ice]

Neighbors. Literally. That's how I felt.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

No, literally, like, it was bad. I called my brother and my brothers and sister and I'm like, hey, like, we got to tell you something. And they're like, my mom's like, tatis Tambarasada. And they're like, yay, Yay. We're going to be Theos. We're going to be. They're so excited about. Yeah, they were hyped about it. I was. Was like, well, at least somebody for it. So once my mom finds out, like, at first, like, she's mad that I didn't tell her, and she's just like. Like, why wouldn't. Why would you do that? Like, that's just so sad. Like, you threw your whole future away. You were going to go to college. You were about to graduate. You got everything together, so. But she. She was there for me. Like, she was the only one there for me. Like, if I had a craving.

[Alan Ice]

Did you feel that way, though? Like, obia mente, you know, getting pregnant so young, I feel like a lot of girls tend to think, like. Like, this is all there is to me. This is what it's gonna. This is gonna be the rest of my life. Did you feel that way in that moment?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah, I definitely felt like my life was over. I was like, I'm not gonna amount to anything. I'm just gonna be a mom. And honestly, like, I. At this time, I hadn't talked to my baby daddy. I would say for. I don't know, it had been a couple months. Like, we only talked, like, two months of my pregnancy. And after that, it was, like, no contact. Like, he was just out partying, living his life, and I'm at home crying and sad. Like, mentally, I was going through so much because I was like, how can somebody that loved me so much at that time just leave me with our kid?

[Alan Ice]

Like, not even checking in?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

No, not even checking in. He wasn't even, like, going to no doctor's appointment. Like, nothing. Like, nothing at all. He just went cold on me after we found out the gender. So, like, 20 weeks, he just went cold on me. He was just out partying, popping sands, like, just doing whatever he wanted to do. And my parents didn't know about it.

[Alan Ice]

This episode of Nocho de Pendejadas is brought to you by booking.com booking. Yeah. Every time I use booking.com to find a place to stay in the US I know they'll have exactly what I'm looking for. They have a huge variety of options, from hotels to vacation rentals. And I know I can find exactly what I'm looking for. I found booking.com to have something for everyone. I love booking.com because it makes booking our hotel so much easier. In Havil Amigas a Las Vegas, we're going to wrestlemania. And booking.com helped us get the perfect hotel on the Strip. Perfect size and not too far from the stadium where we're gonna go to Paraquetolo State conveniently around us. No matter who you are. Booking.com helps you find the stay that's ridiculously right for you. Find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com booking. Yeah.

[NPR Host]

Representation in media matters. One of the most essential daily podcasts comes from npr. It's Up First. Co hosted by A. Martinez alongside others, NPR's Up first provider provides the top three news stories to start your day with digestible 10 to 15 minute episodes. It's all the news you need so you can get back to your life feeling informed while preserving your sanity. From the Trump administration to business and the economy to immigration policies, up first is the go to daily habit for the news consumer who wants to stay informed but is forever strapped for time Up First. Up First's short format makes it easy to catch up on what's happening while you're getting ready, making breakfast, or going to work. Up first achieves the rare 12 punches of being short and thorough, national and international, fact based and personable. With up first, you can start your day a little more in the know than when you went to sleep. Listen now to the up first podcast from npr.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Fast forward into, like, me going into labor. It was very, I feel like it was crazy because his sister had picked me up and I'm just like, alco, like, something's up. Yeah, Like, I, I think I was like 38 weeks. Yeah. When I went to labor, I was still working. Like, I never stopped working. That was one thing of me. Like, I was like, I need to have this amount of money saved. I already had everything for my kid and I had bought every single little thing. And besides whatever I got from the baby shower, you know, Know. But I had bought everything for my baby already. And I remember my job at the time, like, they didn't have a lot of people. So I was like, I'm gonna put my two weeks in. I'm gonna put my two weeks in. And I just never would because I was just like, hey, like, work was just kind of my escape from like, my baby daddy and not having nobody because I had so many hours that I could just be thinking that I was working. So I was just at work. So that day I was scheduled to go to work, but I woke up and I was just like, something's off. Like, like my belly, something's off. Like I'm not contracting, but something's weird. So I'm just out and about with my mom. We go out to eat. Mind you, I was still talking at this point. His mom had already apologized to me. Like, she was like, hey, I'm sorry for everything. Like, I know that's his kid. Like, if he's not gonna be there for you, I guess because he was up so bad, they were like, if he's not gonna be there for you, we're gonna try to be there for you. So I would always talk to his mom and his sister. So that day, his sister was like, oh, you want me to come pick you up? Because she was like, like, do you feel like you're having contractions? Because that little weird feeling just turned into like. I was like, okay, my stomach feels like it's getting tight and then not tight and then tight again, like something's off. So she was like, do you want me to pick you up so we can go to the hospital and see, like, if something's up? Because I. I think I had one more doctor's appointment before, like, I actually would go into labor. So she picks me up. Up, and we go to the doctor, and they're checking me, and there's, like, multiple people checking me, and they're like, oh, you're only dilated a centimeter. Like, you. There's no way you're gonna be having this kid maybe another week, a week or two. Like, people stay dilated at a centimeter. Like, it could be a couple weeks.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

You know, like, you're probably not gonna have this baby. So she's like, let's go to the mall. Let's go walk around. So once we leave the hospital, my baby daddy calls, and he's like, hey, can you pick me up from work?

[Aura Host]

Work?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah, because he was working on, like, something.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah, not me.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Calls his sister, and she. He's like, can you pick me up from work? And then she's like, yeah. And then I'm just like, what? Like. Like, my stomach was in shambles. Like, I'm already contracting. And then I'm gonna see this man I haven't seen in months, and he's been cheating on me actively and doing, like, playing in my face, you know? So I'm just like, what the heck? Neck. So she goes, and she picks him up. We pick him up. He was working at some kind of smoke shop. We pick him up, and he gets in the back seat. And then I told her. I was like, I'm hungry. Like, do you want to get whataburger? I was like, I'll get you some food. Like, don't worry, or whatever. And we got our food. And mind you, the. The car ride is kind of quiet. Like, he's not saying that because he knows like you're. You played with me enough. He's like, hey, can I have a fry? I was like, no. So we go back to her house and I'm just chilling in the bed bed. And like my contractions are getting worse and worse and I'm like, I feel like I'm gonna have this kid. Like, I feel like he's coming.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Like I feel like he's coming soon. We go to her house, we're chilling for a little bit, and then he's over there trying to be. He's like, hey, like I'm trying to be here for you. Like all of a sudden I was like, but don't you. And I literally looked at him and I was like, don't you have a girlfriend? And he's like, I do. But like, I'm gonna be here for you. Like, this is my kid. I'm like, oh. Oh.

[Alan Ice]

Like even monetary wise, like not.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

No. Like he was just out partying, popping sands, doing coke. Because he, he's always been like into the party life and like I said, I, I always was scared of that. Like, like, like would never want to do drugs or like touch that kind of stuff. So no, he wouldn't help me with money or anything. Cuz he never had a job. This was like the, this little smoke shop he was working at was like his first job in like forever. I feel like his first job period.

[Alan Ice]

Like first and only.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Literally. So at his house it gets worse. Then they're like, okay, like we're going to take you home. Like I feel like you're not going to have him, right? So I go home and I'm over here doing lunges and doing this and doing that. And I'm like, he has to come. Like I'm tired of being pregnant. Like I suffered enough. So I'm like doing lunches, doing this. And I was like, I'm like, yeah. So my mom makes me pupusas and I'm walking around the house and then boom. Oh, like it's hurting. I'm like, mama, like mucho. And like it got to the point where I couldn't breathe through my contractions. Like it was hurting that bad. So mom was like, you should call. My mom doesn't really drive in the highway. Like she gets really scared. She has like driving anxiety. So she was like, like call his sister. Cuz my, like my hospital was in for wor. So it's like about 30 minutes.

[Alan Ice]

Oh, the drive. Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah. My mom's like, I'm not going to be able to do that. Like, that.

[Alan Ice]

She's like, they're lucky.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah. And my dad had to work, like, the next day. So she was like, your dad has to go to work. I call his sister. I'm like, hey. And it's been, like, maybe an hour at that, like, since they dropped me off. And I called his sister. I'm like, hey. Like, I'm having bad contractions. Like, I can barely breathe through them. Them come pick me up. She comes and picks me up with him, mind you. He's up. Like, I could tell he's on something. He's up. And then he's like, hey, like, can we stop by the gas station? I want a cigarette.

[Alan Ice]

Like, I need to have your kid.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

And I'm like, dying. And I'm just like, the audacity. And I'm in so much pain. Like, we stopped by the gas station, by the way. Like, we did stop, and he got his cigarettes. So then we go to the hospital, and I'm just like, oh, I can't stand him. Because, like, you hurt me so much. And you just show up all of a sudden, and everything's gonna be butterflies and rainbows. Like, no. So we get to the hospital, and they check me again. They're like, you're only three centimeters. Like, if you don't dilate more, you're gonna go home. I'm like, oh, no. They're like, we're giving you an hour to walk around the hospital, and then you need to, like, we'll see if you dilate more. If you do, then you're gonna stay. So I'm like, walking around with him, and we're just talking a little bit, like, chitchat, kind of catching up a little bit, you know? Like, I didn't want to, but I kind of just was in that position. I was like, like. And this is literally the dad to my kid. An hour goes by. They check me again. They're like, okay, you're out of fort. Like, the baby's coming. Like, he's coming either tonight or tomorrow. So they put us in a room as me, him and his sister. The whole time, him and his sister are fighting over the couch. Who's going to sleep in the couch? She's like, I'm tired. I'm like, bro, I'm like, just come lay with me, like. So he comes and he lays in the bed with me, and I'm just like, whatever, you know? So me. And then I think I. Like, 8 in the morning, I feel like a water balloon pop. And I'm like, my water broke. No, literally, it felt like I peed. And I'm like, oh my God. Like the epidural isn't working. Like, I feel, I feel everything. I was like, I feel everything. Like, tell them to like come check my epidural. And they're like, okay, before we check your epidural, we're gonna have to check you because I think that was your water. So they checked me and they're like, no, you're out of 10. Like you need a push. I'm like, what? And mind you, my mom isn't there, so I just felt like kind of lonely. Cuz I'm like, with these, like his sister. I'm like, we were cool at the time, but I'm like, I'm with this. I don't care for him to be here. Like, I want my mom. So next thing you know, like 20 people walk in and my legs are up and they're like, push, push, push. And I'm, I'm in so much pain. I'm like 45 minutes into pushing and I'm like, I'm done. Like, I'm not gonna push anymore. Like, I'm done, done. They're like, we, the head is right there. Like we could see the head. I'm like, y'all been saying that. Like, I give up so they get me to push. I finally give birth to my son Aiden, and I feel like that was just like the best moment of my life.

[Alan Ice]

Like you felt like, like release.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Like it was so much pain in that moment. But as soon as I saw his little face, it was all gone. Like I didn't feel anything. Like I just felt love, you know, Like I just felt. Just started crying and just to put a face to that little human in my stomach, it was just like, it felt so good. Like I'm like, I'm a mom.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Really now? Like, it was crazy.

[Alan Ice]

Tell us a little bit more about, you know, el momento que de combiertes, Mama. You know, obviously you're becoming a first time mom super young. What do you feel like was the hardest thing for you to adjust when it came to becoming a mom, you know? You know, now you have to like be up late, you know, changing diapers. What do you think was like the hardest thing to adjust to?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Honestly, I feel like just not having like some time for myself or like me going through stuff. Like I couldn't just be like, oh, I give up. Like, I'm not gonna get up this day. I'm not gonna wake up and I'm not gonna do this. I had to wake up, I had to change diapers and he was living at his mom's and I was living on my mom. So I was really a single mom, you know, So I was just doing everything on my own. And sometimes I would go over to his house, mind you, like as the. I was a penda. Like that's the best way I could put it. Like I was really just a penda. After we had Aiden, like I just felt reconnected to him. Like I just felt like, oh, like I love this man. Like I really do. And we can make something work. Because me growing up, like even though I did have my stepdad, like I didn't have my dad.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

So I didn't want my kid to go through that because I remember when I was younger, like I would struggle with that. There was like a whole summer where I, I cried my eyes out because I just wanted to have a dad, you know, Cuz he was never present. So I was like, I, I need to make this work. So we would take turns. Like I would go to his mom's, he would come back. So he would kind of help me here and there. But I was still the only one working. I was still the only one doing everything.

[Alan Ice]

And was he still dating like the other girlfriend or.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

No, he broke, he, he broke up with her. Like I would say like a week until after. Like I had Aiden, cuz he was with me at the hospital the whole time. Like he showed up at that time. Like when I needed him while I was giving birth, he was there. So after that he broke up with her and then we got back together because I just felt, I was like, I'm in love. Like this is my little family. And since I didn't have that, I just wanted it so bad. It was hard, I would say, because I would, I would always be the person trying to like get money or hustle or work. And he was still trying to be a teenager, he was still trying to go out, trying, gonna go party. He would always get in trouble, get thrown in jail because he was doing Xanax and stealing something. And then now you're going to jail and now I'm trying to help you. Like I, I would have to bond him out and like I, I would not tell my parents none of this stuff because my parents would be like, no.

[Alan Ice]

Like, yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

And my parents, I feel like after a while, like obviously they could kind of send stuff for me. So they kind of just didn't like him. Like I, I feel like after I get birth, like it just came to a point where they were like, we don't really like, like him. So like they would always be like, don't be with him, whatever. But and wanting my little family, like I was just there, like I just.

[Alan Ice]

Wanted that, you know, for a good amount of time you make the decision to like completely walk away, you know, you're like, I'm done. Even if I really want to make it work for my son, it's not going to work out. On where you were like, you know what Astaki, what do you feel like drove you to the breaking point of wanting to really finally walk away from that relationship?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

I feel like it was the never ending cycle. Like we would always break up, get back together. He would cheat on me again and I would let him do it and then I would get back with him. So he went to prison for two years because of the drug, drugs. He ended up threatening a cop. So he went to prison for two years and I was the only one there. And I mean he was literally the love of my life at that point. So we weren't together when he went in there but I was the only one there answering his calls, being there for him that we got back together again, like tati cuando was aprender. But I just, I really just wanted that, you know. So I was there throughout the whole time. And then when he got out of prison in his family was very inconsiderate, I feel like because they wanted him to like because he had probation. So they told him like hey, like they did the probation to their house and mind you, they live like an hour away, like an hour and a half away. So as soon as he got out they were like, mind you, he hasn't seen his kid also in that like almost two years. So what do you mean? Like so we, we end up going to his mom's house, we all get into it because like they were just, they were kind of racist. Like his family was kind of racist. So I like my child to the side like because he had other nieces and they would always like get lots of presents or do all these big things for them, but they would always kind of put him to the side. And I just kind of like when he got out of prison I was just kind of like I took the time of him being in there, I started working out how I gotta. Because I had no self confidence before him going in there because he was physically and mentally abusive and he would always be like, you're fat, do you.

[Alan Ice]

Feel like that's why you would stay too, because he would make you feel.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Oh yeah.

[Alan Ice]

About yourself.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Oh yeah. He would make me feel horrible. Like I hated my body, I hated me. Like I didn't want to be here.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

At all. Like, if it wasn't for my son, I wouldn't be here for sure. There's many times where I just didn't want to be here. Like, I just wanted to take my life because it was that bad. And he would like threaten my family, like my parents, like, I'ma do this to your parents. And he had connections with people. Like he, he, he had access to guns and access to this. And like he would hit me. So like, and there was times where I have, like I, I would hit him back. And I don't condone that, but I just felt like I needed to defend myself, you know? And, and like prior to him going to prison, like Aiden was three. So Aiden would like kind of deal with that. Like, he would kind of hear that. Yeah. Like, even now, like, Aiden doesn't really like fights or like crazy screaming because I feel like it reminds him of that.

[Alan Ice]

He's traumatized with it. Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

After he went to prison, like, and after going through all that, like, I just felt like I needed, like I just needed to do better, you know, Like I needed to get myself, himself up because he would always just body shame me and like, be like, you're a mom, like nobody's gonna want you. You're never gonna amount to anything. And I feel like that's why I stayed for so long, because I believed it.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Like I was like, you're right.

[Alan Ice]

Like I'm better off with him.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah. Like, even though he treats me shitty, like at least he wants me, you know? Cuz nobody's gonna want me. And it got, I feel like it got really bad for a while too because he had, he, before he went to prison, he had worked out of town and I had moved with him and we were doing the family thing, but I couldn't like he would be like, here's 100 bucks, like make it work for two weeks because I'm not gonna have any more money for you. My mind you, he was working in the oil field. He was making really good money. Yeah, he was doing drugs. Like he always did drugs. Drugs. Like you always did something like pills or weed or something like. But it was always like accessible, you know.

[Alan Ice]

And that was kind of like your breaking point to finally leave.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

I feel like he left me like being real and honest because I Feel like I was so in that, like, cycle that I. I didn't want to break because that's all I knew. Knew that's all I knew. So I. I didn't want to leave him. So he came home, we had that altercation with his family because they would always put my kid to the side. And at that point, like, I had gained some confidence.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

I had lost 60 pounds because I was. I was, I think, 260 pounds. I waited myself, and I was like, yeah, no, like, this is not.

[Alan Ice]

I gotta stop. Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

So when he went to prison, I started working out. I lost 60 pounds, and I gained. I gained webbles. I think. Like, I was just like, I'm that, like, nobody's gonna with me. And I always been like that. Like, I always been outspoken. Outspoken and like, Val Vergista. Like me. Like, if you think that of me, because I'm still gonna be me at the end of the day. So I went off on his mom, and we all kind of had an altercation because I was like, no, y'all treat. Y'all don't treat him the same, and I'm not okay with that, and I'm not putting up with that, because he just got out of prison, and y'all want him to come over here. My kid hasn't seen him, and that's his kid. Y'all haven't done anything while he's been in prison. I've been the only one there.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

So his mom was just like, you can't stay here. So I had to talk to my parents, and I was like, hey, can he stay with us? Because I was staying at my parents at that time, and my parents. My parents were like, yeah. Like, my parents have always been, like, there for me. As much as they've been, like, I feel, like, super strict and, like, like, supportive.

[Alan Ice]

They've always been like, you know, it's not what we want to do. Do, but if that's what's gonna help.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

You, if that's what's gonna help you out, if that's gonna. That's what's gonna help Aiden. I feel like they always kept my little gremlin in their mind. Like, they're always like, if Aiden's gonna be happy, if the gremlin's gonna be happy, we're gonna do it.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

So I was like, yeah, like, we're gonna make this work. Like, he wants to come live here. So he was staying with me, and it was like a fairy tale. It was like a whole new man. Like, he literally Came kiss the floor. I walked on. Like it felt like he. He was a different man. Like all the promises in prison, like they, they were true. And I was kind of scared, cuz I was. A lot of people were like, don't do that, cuz that's just prison talk. Like they're in there, they, they. They don't have nobody to talk to. They have nowhere to go. So it's just prison talk. I remember everything was fine and one day and I had bought him a phone. Like when he got out, I had got him a phone under my plan and I had set up up the Apple id. I had set up everything. So I remember one day I was. I was literally trying to use the calculator on his phone, and I was like, hey, like, the password's changed. Like, that's not the password. And then he said, oh yeah, I changed it. And I was like, well, give it to me. He's like, no. I was like, you're not gonna give me the password? She's like, no, I'm not gonna give you the password. I'm like, okay. Yeah. I was like, what the hell? Like, that's weird. I feel like after that, like he started going out with his friends a lot. Like, he was like, hey, like we're gonna have this little kickback. Like, can I go? And even though, like, he cheated on me, I was always so trustworthy. Like yo seem to get. Oh yeah, like go. Because I never. Like, I'm not a controlling person. And I guess since mi consensia was clear, like I wasn't doing anything. I was always trusting. Like I was like, yeah, you could go.

[Alan Ice]

Like, he's changed.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah. And he, He. I felt like that, yeah.

[Alan Ice]

You believed it? Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Maybe I would say like a month after that, he was like, hey, like, I really want to move out out, but like, I don't want you to come with me. And I was like, what do you mean? Like, I thought, like we wanted not even the.

[Alan Ice]

Your baby.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

No. Like, he's like, I want to move out. And I really. I just want to move. I want to do better for myself. And I feel like we can't do it together. Like we just haven't been able to all these years. And then I was like, really? Like, you're just gonna move on? He's like, well, I need a break, like from us or whatever. And I was like, are you like, what? Like, it was just like dead ass. Like, like, what? Yeah, like, you got out of prison, you were asking me for another kid. Like you wanted to have a daughter. Like, I'm like, what's going on? You know? And. But I was like, you know what? Okay. Like, if that's what you want. Because I was like, maybe I'm being overbearing. Like, I would always question myself because he would always make me feel that way. And I don't. Like, I feel like a narcissist is something you need to be careful with, because narcissists would twist, turn, and no matter. Como tengas, like, a bien puesta. Los huevos bien puerto pesto. They can twist and turn everything. So, like, even though I had gained confidence and everything, he just knew how to manipulate.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

He just knew what buttons he could press, what he could say, and I would be contenta, you know? So I was like, yeah. Like, that's fine. Like, if you want to move out, you want a little break and you just want to be better, or. Because he was like, I want to better myself. That way we can get our own place. That's what he said. Right. Mind you, I was still seeing him. Like, we were still. Still having intimate relationships. Like, he was still asking me for a daughter. And one week, one of my best friends is like, hey, like, don't have. Don't have sex with your baby daddy. I'm like, why? And she was like, because her baby daddy and my. And my baby daddy had became best friends. And she was like, they're doing nasty shit. Like, I know they're messing with girls that are nasty. Like, you don't want to catch nothing, right? And I remember that year, it had got snowed in. In and Texas, which is crazy, but Texas, bipolar, just like me. It had snowed in, so we couldn't go anywhere. So I had texted him, and he had his own apartment at that time. I had texted him. I was like, hey. I was like, I'm not gonna be doing that with you no more. Like, we're not gonna be having sex no more. And he was like, okay. He was like, I got a girlfriend. Anyways. I said, what? He's like, yeah, I got a girlfriend. I don't. He's like, I don't be messing with a lot of girls. I have a girlfriend. Mind you, it had only been seven days since we slept, like, last slept together, and he's asking me for a dog. Like, yeah, we're trying to.

[Alan Ice]

I thought we were rebuilding our relationship.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah. He's like, well, I don't care. I have a girlfriend. And then next thing you know, he sends me a picture. He's like, I'm in her bed right now. And this was only like, what, in the span of a month? So he had been talking to this girl while he was staying at my parents house.

[Alan Ice]

Passwords.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

And then what, like a month later? Later. Oh, they're having a baby. She's pregnant. It's been going on for a while. Yeah.

[Alan Ice]

What the.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

She's pregnant? Yeah. Then I find out, like, she's pregnant. And before this, like, okay, that happened. And I was like, okay, you want a girlfriend? You know what, whatever. Like that, like, you can't keep doing this to yourself. You're tearing yourself down. Like, I was trying to pep talk myself. Like, it's gonna be okay. Like, you're gonna have to be a single mom, but bastard being like, y'all can co parent or something, you know, But I still was very much in love with him. But like the next week I go to an arcade with my best friend, which she's still my best friend now. She used to date his brother. Me and her met each other through that and we're still best friends.

[Alan Ice]

The one that comes out in your videos. Okay.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah, yeah. So that's how we met. And we were at the arcade with my brother because we were trying the whole co parenting thing a week later and my son was with him. I had like a free weekend or whatever. So me, my brother and her at the arcade, we were just playing around. I call my son, I call the gremlin. The gremlin answers. He's like, hi, mom. I'm like, hey. I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, I'm here with. He's looking at me like this. He's like, with my dad and his girlfriend and her kid. A week after you told me, like, you're just playing house in my face with my kid.

[Alan Ice]

The, like the way that, like quickly.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

It moves so quick.

[Alan Ice]

So like, he was literally having like a double life.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah, he was living a double life life probably immediately after he got out of prison. Like sometimes I feel like, I'm like, did y'all talk? What? He was in prison? Yeah, because it was just so sudden, you know, and out of nowhere. So I was like, oh, no. Like, I was pissed. I was mad. Like, I was like, no, I'm picking my son up because I can't have. We can't have our family. But you're playing family with somebody else. And my kid and the gremlins just like, I know I'm doing something I'm not supposed to, but. But I'm telling my mom I'm with my brother and my friend and she was like, I'mma drive you. She's driving her car. And his apartment was only like 10 minutes where we were from. It gets crazier. I pull up and he comes outside and he's like, you're not getting the Gremlin. Like you're not getting him. And I was like, what do you mean I'm not getting him? Like, give me my kid or I'm going to beat that bitch's ass. Like I'm going to go up there and beat her ass, cuz. Like, you have what the.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

So he pulls out a gun on me. Yeah. And he's like, you're not getting him. You're not getting him. And he points it out and I don't know why. Like I'm always, I always been scared of that stuff, you know, Like I was just not scared. Like I was like, give me my kid right now. Like, so he's just waving that gun at me. And then the gremlin is upstairs. Like the gremlin kind of witnessed some of this stuff.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

And. And the grill is. The grim is upstairs. And then my friend's like, what the hell? Like, my friend, she's ready to run him over with the car. Like she was telling me. She was like, I was ready to run him over. And then for some reason, like he was pointing the gun at me. But then he's like, get the out of the car. Like telling my brother to get out of the car to fight him. I'm like, for what? Like, I just want my kid. You're the one doing all these bad things and I'm always the one having to pay for that. The gremlins come in downstairs and he's occupied with my brother that I grabbed the Grimler. I'm like, get in the car. So I get him in the car, we both get in the car and we leave and we called the cops on him. But since they, we didn't have their apartment number, I didn't have his right address. Like they didn't find him. But I did make a police report about it. Until this day he's always like, that never happened.

[Alan Ice]

That's crazy. So to this day you guys don't co. Parent, parent or no?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Well, we tried. We have tried a couple times. Times after that, like after all that happened, a CPS case was opened and like they tried to talk to him, communicate with him a couple times and he just wouldn't talk to them. At all. Right. Mind you, I didn't tell my mom this. Like I didn't tell my mom he pulled up until this day, this is how she's gonna find out. Because my mom doesn't know he pulled the gun on me.

[Alan Ice]

That's crazy.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

My mom was just like, you're not scared you're getting your kid? So I got him and the whole CPS case happened. Then after that, I think it was like maybe a year passed. And like I did it. Like, I was like, I'm not speaking to that. Like, there's no way you're gonna be. Because at that point I was like, oh, like, am I hurting him?

[Alan Ice]

Yeah. Is it harming him? Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Because like he's seeing these kinds of things. You know what I'm saying? And a kid shouldn't be seeing those things. Like, as much as I'm want his father to be there, it's just not worth like all this that I'm going through. So I kind of just m. And he had his kid and whatever. Like he was living his life and I was living my life with the gremlin. So I think it was the gremlins. Second grade. Like he was going to start second grade.

[Alan Ice]

Uhhuh.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

And mind you, my mom doesn't know we're still living on my mom's because some of the stuff would still get to me. Like I was like, how am I going to get out of my parents house? Like, I'm 25 and I'm still in my parents house. Like, I'm a single mom. How am I gonna do it? Like I'm working this job, but it's just not paying me enough to move out.

[Alan Ice]

You don't feel yourself advancing, right?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Like I felt stuck in the same place over and over again. And as much as I wanted to try to do it, like I still had a kid full time, so how was I gonna do it? One day, like whenever I think it was a week before he started second grade, he comes to my door and drops off some close. Mind you, I wasn't there. I think I was at work and my mom opened the door and my son hadn't seen him in that long. But my mom didn't know all that stuff was happening, so she opened the door for him. She was like, he hasn't seen him. Like, I feel bad that's his dad at the end of the day. But I'm like, you don't know what this man has put me through. Literal hell. She opened up the door for him and he contacted Me like a week after that because he had seen my son and he was like, hey, like, like I, I have grown up. Like I really want to be a dad. Like I want to be a dad for him. Like I known him my whole life. Cuz even though he wasn't consistently there, he knew. Yeah, yeah, he was like, I want to be a dad. Like I feel like we could co parent. I'm sorry for everything I did. Like nothing like that's ever going to happen. And I was like, okay. Like I was just kind of scared because I didn't know the level of craziness. And even with the CPS case, like they were like, like if you're ever going to co parent with him, make sure like it's you meet up at a police station. Like he could be dangerous somewhere public. I don't know why. I was just like, you know what? Like cuz I had moved on. It had been a year and I had gained so much more confidence. I had started posting a little bit. That's what got me into like posting on social media was just going through that breakup. I was so alone. Like, and I had my friends of course, and they were always there, but I just feel like I just needed to talk to somebody else that wasn't my friend. So that's why I started posting. Like I was going through a breakup. I was feeling like. And that's really what got me through like the breakup itself.

[Alan Ice]

And posting.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah, Like I just started posting like random stuff, mom stuff, little stuff I was doing. And like no, one, one person, two people would watch it and would comment and I would be so geeked. Like I'm like, I have other friends. Like it feels like somebody else is there, right? So I just kept posting and I think maybe I had had like 20k or something. So it just had gave me like a little confidence boost. Like I'm like maybe I could do this little influencer thing. And I was mainly thinking like about my son. Like, I was like, if I can like make an income from just being online, like we can do, like, we can get our own place. I can grow. Like, because I really want to go to school. So I was like, I can go to school and I have to work. I agreed with him to co parent and he, he started coming around. He would pick him up like every other week, right? And it just got to the point where every time he would pick him up, I would have to drop him off or pick him up. And I'm like, dude, I'm there 100% of the time, giving 100% of my effort, 25%. Yeah. And like he would just like be mad that like whenever I would be like hey, can you pick him up or can you drop him off? Because you only see him on weekends. I feel like it's your responsibility to pick him up or drop him off. And I think one really what like made the cookie crumble. I just kind of got fed up of it. And my son really didn't like being there. Cuz every time he would go over there either him and his girlfriend would fight and he would have to come home or something with them. Like they always got something going on because at the end of the day like my baby daddy is my baby daddy. So like he's still gonna be him. Whether he's with this person or that person. Like he would still be him. So like there was plenty of times where my son had to come home because they were fighting or it got crazy or physical and he had to come home and he's going through all the trauma that he had passed with him. So one day I remember I was like, you know what, just drop him off. Like I'm not picking him up. Like I'm tired of doing that. I'm already here like 100 of the time. I don't think I should be the one picking him up. And then he just starts going off on me. He's like, you're a, like just starts like cussing me out. You're a fat you, you don't want to come pick up your son. His is there and my Aiden's on the phone with like mind you, I'm talking to Aiden on the phone. Like I'm on the phone with the gremlin and he's in the background yelling.

[Alan Ice]

All the time, talking.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah. And my son's like, I'm so mad mom. Like I, I want to hit my dad. I'm like, no, like you're not going to do that.

[Alan Ice]

Like you started seeing that it was getting.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alan Ice]

To your son now. Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

And mind you, prior to this like I was so I try to be so nice to him cuz like a couple months into us co parenting cuz we only co parent for a couple months he tried to get with me again. Like he tried to clap these cheeks and I was like, you're not clapping nothing. And I didn't even tell his girl that because I was like, we're already like at a good co parent stage. I don't want to mess up what they got going on because I'm healed, like I'm happy, life is going well, that I didn't want to mess up their relationship ship or whatever. Cuz he apologized to me. He was like, I'm sorry, like I messed up. If I never had a kid with her, like I wouldn't be with her. And like just telling me all this stuff or whatever that he thought I was just gonna be like, yeah, like I'm like, like, this is Tati. Like you got me up. So that day, whenever he had cussed me out and did all that, like with my son, like, I was like, that's it for me. Like I. I asked the gremlin. Mainly I always put the gremlin first because even before the co parenting thing, I asked him because I didn't want to put my differences aside for a little bit. But even when we started co parenting, I was like, gremlin, like, do you want to see your dad again? And he was like, I do, I do. So I was like, you know what? Whatever you want, we're gonna do it. Because I don't ever want to have a say so or me interfere in the relationship because that has nothing to do with me, you know, so. So that day, the gremlin was just like, mom, I don't want to see my dad again. The gremlin was the one that told me, he's like, I don't want to see my dad again. I don't like the way he talks to you, and I don't like the way he talks to his girlfriend. He's like, and I don't like being there, period. Cuz he hadn't told me. Like, he's like, I don't like being there. I don't feel comfortable. Like, it's just like, I like being with you. I want to be with you all the time. And that's when I was like, what the grimness says. That's what goes. Because if, like, if he wants a relationship with him, then that's going to be. If he doesn't want it, then he doesn't want it. I'm not going to force my kid to have a relationship with the parent that is not a parent.

[Alan Ice]

You know, give us a piece of advice or unas palabras. For anyone watching at home that is probably in a situation like yourself or is going through, you know, a really toxic relationship.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

I feel like the biggest piece of advice is have some faith in yourself. Like you could do it if I could do it. Like, I had nothing y'all could do. It, like, you could definitely get out of it. And don't get stuck in a cycle, because if they don't change the first time or the second time, baby, they're not gonna change any longer. You need to get yourself out. And honestly, like, see me as an example. I would not be here at all. I would. Because I couldn't even be myself or, like, wear what I wanted to wear with him, because if I wore something that was out of character, her. Oh, I'm a. So, like, I couldn't even be me when I'm with that person. And I feel like in those toxic relationships, like, you lose yourself so bad that you don't remember. Like, you're. You're a chingona. Like, you can do this, whether it's a man or a woman. Get out. Get out what you can, because that's the best thing that's gonna happen to you. Literally.

[Alan Ice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

And I didn't feel that way. Like, I didn't think I. I was gonna amount or do anything, but, like, look at me now. Like, look at me in the Gremlin. Like, we're doing it.

[Alan Ice]

Y. You know, when people are in those situations, you know, especially after being so tied up with someone, you know, in a relationship, you might have felt like, you know what? My life's over. But little did you know that your life was just beginning. You know what I mean? God was like, you know what the. You know, the dating. You know, the people that follow you online, they've been trying to keep. Keep up with, you know, your little sneaky amigas. She's been very vocal. She's brought you guys with her, with your little sneaky links with your dating. What is your ideal man? And what are red flags now? Now that you're in your dating era, what are red flags that you're like, oh, my God, I see. And I'm not gonna ignore it this time.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

I feel like I just got back into, like, actually dating dating. But everything's a red flag to me. Like, the slightest. I'm like, ah, no. Like, if you can't come see me, if you can't make time for me, if you supposedly don't use your phone, baby, we're in 2025. Who doesn't use their phone now? You know? So you can check your phone here and there. But I feel like anything could be a little red flag, like, on my toes. Like, I'm on my toes. Like, I'm like, if you don't reply to me fast enough, and maybe that's a little toxic like, maybe I'm good.

[Alan Ice]

Because there will be men that will meet all those criteria, you know what I mean? Because you know standards. Because you're like, oh, well, you know what? This is as best as it's going to get. No, it gets better. And you can find that guy that will literally check every single box.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

So if you're looking for somebody, like, don't stop searching for them to check your boxes. Cuz, baby, there's going to be. I haven't found that man, but I know he's out there probably watching this right now. I feel like my ideal man would be like a family man, like somebody that has a good relationship with their family. Somebody that could be a good role model for my gremlin. I'm not saying I'm looking for a stepdaddy, you know, but I mean, if it happens, it happens, you know. But he has to be a good role model. He has to have some ambition, he has to have, be passionate. And he better be ready to film some tick tocks.

[Alan Ice]

Yes. You know, you started doing tick tock because of everything that you were going through. It was kind of like your escape and you felt being heard. You start doing tick tock, the numbers start going up, you know, your viewers start going up and you start almost creating this very loyal fan base. Because one thing I will say, I feel like your girls and even the guys that follow you are literally update us, update us. They are in your business, which is a great thing. I feel like when you as a creator are able to have that relationship with your, you know, with your supporters, SOS lo mejor por ques que? They love you and they support you and care for you. What do you think? You know, after being on social media now, now for a while, what do you think are the pros and cons of being on social media?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

I feel like the pros obviously, like the money helps. Like me and the Gremlin are living in an apartment. Like we're on our own when you guys moved out. Yeah, we're on our own. We've been living on our own for like a year now. So it's helped a lot. Like my life is a lot different. We're able to do a couple more things that, you know, we wanted to do. I get to buy him whatever he needs and like, like I don't need my baby daddy. Like I don't even need his child support. Like that man's on child support. Don't pay child support. Baby, it's okay. Mama got it. Mama got it so financially, I feel like that helps a lot. The support and the love I get is like, it's like nothing I ever experienced before. Like, it just feels so good to know that, like, people that I don't even know love me that much. Like, it's crazy. Like, it really is. And they are very loyal. Like, I feel like I get a lot more love than I do hate. You know, that's why, like, I was a little kind of scared about the podcast because I'm like, y'all are gonna see me in and out.

[Alan Ice]

But I feel like I love that you guys, because I feel like just with this interview, you know. Oh yeah. Online. And I love you. I love how bubbly you are. I love how entertaining you are. But I feel like, you know, as. As a viewer, I love this because it's like, damn, she's so real. She's gone through so much already. The people that already view you and love your content, maybe they can relate and be like, what the. I didn't know she went through that. And I feel like, you know, this is what I was telling that you guys, that this is a reason why I love doing the podcast because it really does give you like another POV into your favorite creators. Porqueyo pins as a viewer. Right, Alan? Wow. He has a studio, he has a podcast, he has this. But it's like, no siempre fuel. Even then, Unotobia is going through.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

You know, you're still human. And I feel like a lot of online people forget that.

[Alan Ice]

Yes.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yeah, I'm a mom. And like, I just, I. And I feel this is where we get to the negative part of it. I feel like so many people get a look into your life, you know, and you do show them parts of your life that you want them to see. I'm a little raw in there. I kind of show them a little bit of everything, but just the judgment that comes with it. I feel like sometimes can be hard like, cuz people don't won't understand you and not everybody's going to understand your decisions or what you like, what you do, you know, and especially as a mom, I feel like I get certain negative things, you know, but I'm literally just a girl. Like, this is my first time being a mom. This is my. Like, this is my first everything. So I'm literally just trying to navigate through life itself too. I feel like a lot of people forget that about moms. Like, they're just like, strong. They have to be moms. Like, we're just girls at the end of the day, like.

[Alan Ice]

That is what being a human is. Oh, you away. Like, that's so crazy that someone that I'm like, wow, she's so positive. Like, Samira, muy content has gone through so much, and it really is refreshing. You know, as a creator, it's scary to open up because you're opening up yourself to judgment. You're opening up to people dissecting your story and being like, wait, but that. Why'd you do that?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Why'd you.

[Alan Ice]

But it's like, no, it's like at the end of the day, day, this is who I am. This is what I come with. And, you know.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Or it's going to make sense at the end of the day. But this is what made me me, like, responsibility. Like, I was dumb and I did over and over again. Like, how many times do I got to show you this is not the man for you? You know, until I was like, you know what? No, I like, I listen, I know.

[Alan Ice]

I've loved this episode and Los Proximos. As a mom, as a creator, where do you see yourself in the next five years?

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Honestly, I don't know. Like, this journey has just been crazy. Like, this just happened out of nowhere. Like, it was like a dream. I feel like even like when I was pregnant, I would film little videos. Like, I have videos of me to, like, be a YouTuber or whatever. And I was like, I can't do this. Like, like, door that opened for me. Like, it just feels like, so good. Like, that my work and my consistency is finally paying off. Like, I. I don't know. But a lot of people ask me too, if I want to have more kids. And if the right man comes, baby, I'll give him a baby. But if it doesn't, me and the group Gremlin. Till. Till it's backwards. Like, it's just gonna be me and the Gremlin. I just see myself. I feel like I can do some big things. Like, social media has blessed me a lot, and I'm very grateful for all my out there. I love them. Like, they're literally part of me at this point. Hopefully we're doing a lot better. Hopefully we can hit a Millie by the end of the year. And I just want to be the best mom I can. You guy. Like, I'm just going to try to be the best I can.

[Alan Ice]

And I'm so excited to see, you know, your journey Los Proxim. And I just want to say thank you so much for taking the time out of your day. And sitting down.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Thank you so much Alan for having me. This is a great opportunity and I I like it. Feels so good to finally tell my story and y'all know that I'm not just Virgo Tati. Like I've been through some.

[Alan Ice]

And follow her on all her social medias which I'll leave down below as well as on the screen right here right now so you guys will miss any future episodes. And with that being said, thank you so much once again.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Thank you.

[Alan Ice]

Thank you guys so much for listening and watching and we'll see you guys in the next one. Bye guys.

[Tatiana (Tati)]

Yay.

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