Podcast Summary: Nonprofit Lowdown Episode #319 - "Let Them"
Release Date: January 6, 2025
Host: Rhea Wong
Introduction to the "Let Them" Theory
In the inaugural episode of 2025, Rhea Wong introduces her audience to the "Let Them" theory, a concept she attributes to Mel Robbins, a renowned self-help author and speaker. Although Rhea hasn't read Robbins' book directly, she delves deep into the theory through podcasts and discussions, finding it transformative for her approach to nonprofit management.
Rhea Wong [02:30]: "The revolutionary idea is simple: Just let them. Just let them be. Let them do what they're going to do. It's not up to you."
Understanding the Core Concept
At its heart, the "Let Them" theory addresses the frustration that arises from trying to control others' actions and decisions. Rhea articulates how this lack of control leads to constant aggravation, particularly in the nonprofit sector where collaboration is crucial.
Rhea Wong [05:15]: "People are gonna do what they're gonna do regardless of whether or not I offer them advice."
Application to Nonprofit Board Members
One of the primary areas where Rhea applies the "Let Them" theory is in managing nonprofit board members. She highlights common grievances such as board members not fulfilling fundraising duties, missing meetings, or not responding to communications. Instead of allowing these issues to breed frustration, she advocates for accepting each member's autonomy.
Rhea Wong [09:45]: "It is going to be a waste of your time and energy to try to force them to do what they're not going to do. Just let them."
Clarifying Expectations
Rhea emphasizes the importance of clearly defining the roles and commitments of board members from the outset. She observes that often, board members are enlisted based on personal relationships without a thorough discussion of their responsibilities, leading to mismatched expectations.
Rhea Wong [11:20]: "We put people on the board without spelling out to them exactly what the commitment is."
Adapting to Changing Circumstances
Recognizing that life circumstances evolve, Rhea advises nonprofit leaders to reassess the level of commitment board members can realistically provide. Instead of holding onto outdated expectations, she suggests realigning roles to fit current capacities.
Rhea Wong [13:10]: "Have I made it possible for them to be successful in this role? Have I been clear about what I am asking them to do?"
Application to Donor Relationships
Donors, like board members, can also be a significant source of stress when they don’t respond as expected. Rhea extends the "Let Them" theory to donor engagement, advocating for acceptance of donors' autonomy in their giving decisions.
Rhea Wong [20:05]: "Let them ignore your emails. Let them not come to the events. Let them work on their own timeline."
Enhancing Donor Engagement
Rather than persisting through nagging, Rhea encourages focusing on improving communication strategies. This includes auditing storytelling methods, enhancing stewardship experiences, and building a compelling case for support to naturally motivate donors.
Rhea Wong [22:40]: "Let me audit my storytelling. Let me think about how we can make our communications better."
Tools and Techniques: Byron Katie's Four Questions
To manage the frustration of unmet expectations, Rhea introduces Byron Katie’s four-question framework, a tool that helps dissect and reframe negative beliefs about others.
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know it's true?
- How does it make you feel?
- Who would you be without the thought?
Rhea Wong [16:30]: "We then ask the four questions to interrogate the reality of what we believe is true."
By applying these questions, nonprofit leaders can shift from an emotionally reactive state to a more rational and controlled mindset, reducing unnecessary stress.
Embracing Radical Acceptance
Drawing from Tara Brock's teachings on radical acceptance, Rhea advocates for accepting reality as it is. This means freeing oneself from the futile efforts of changing others and instead focusing on what can be controlled.
Rhea Wong [28:50]: "We spend a lot less energy trying to change things. Instead, we can invest our energy into changing what actually is."
This acceptance leads to emotional and mental peace, which is essential for the demanding roles within the nonprofit sector.
Personal Reflections and Impact
Rhea shares her personal journey with the "Let Them" theory, acknowledging her tendency towards micromanagement and the stress it caused. By adopting this approach, she has found greater peace and improved her interactions with both board members and donors.
Rhea Wong [35:15]: "I've been using this let them theory for the last month or so, and it's actually been incredibly helpful for me because I need to calm the micromanager inside."
Conclusion: Moving Forward with Letting Go
Rhea wraps up the episode by reinforcing the benefits of the "Let Them" theory. By relinquishing control over others' actions and focusing on enhancing one’s own strategies and communications, nonprofit leaders can foster a more harmonious and effective organizational environment.
Rhea Wong [40:00]: "By recognizing what is someone else's to do, you stop making yourself crazy by trying to control them."
She encourages listeners to implement these principles in their professional and personal lives to achieve a more peaceful and productive 2025.
Notable Quotes:
- Rhea Wong [02:30]: "The revolutionary idea is simple: Just let them. Just let them be. Let them do what they're going to do. It's not up to you."
- Rhea Wong [05:15]: "People are gonna do what they're gonna do regardless of whether or not I offer them advice."
- Rhea Wong [09:45]: "It is going to be a waste of your time and energy to try to force them to do what they're not going to do. Just let them."
- Rhea Wong [16:30]: "We then ask the four questions to interrogate the reality of what we believe is true."
- Rhea Wong [20:05]: "Let them ignore your emails. Let them not come to the events. Let them work on their own timeline."
- Rhea Wong [28:50]: "We spend a lot less energy trying to change things. Instead, we can invest our energy into changing what actually is."
- Rhea Wong [35:15]: "I've been using this let them theory for the last month or so, and it's actually been incredibly helpful for me because I need to calm the micromanager inside."
- Rhea Wong [40:00]: "By recognizing what is someone else's to do, you stop making yourself crazy by trying to control them."
This episode of Nonprofit Lowdown offers invaluable insights into managing relationships within nonprofit organizations by embracing autonomy and focusing on self-improvement. Rhea Wong's application of the "Let Them" theory provides a framework for reducing stress and enhancing organizational effectiveness, making it a must-listen for nonprofit professionals striving for a more balanced and productive approach in 2025.