Ria Wong (0:00)

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Rhea Wong (0:26)

Foreign welcome to Nonprofit Lowdown. I'm your host, Rhea Wong. Hey Nonprofit Lowdown fam it is Rhea with you once again with Nonprofit Lowdown. Today I'm going to do a podcast episode inspired by a recent coaching call with my students in my Big Ask Gift program. This is something that comes up constantly. Today I'm going to talk about the top three mistakes I see fundraisers make with donors. If you're out here listening and you have ever felt that fundraising is like a never ending cycle of rejection, of chasing donors, getting ghosted and wondering what went wrong, trust me, I have been there. I could give you a million examples of when I was an ED and either I spent a ton of time chasing people who didn't want to talk to me or I went in to a meeting preparing to do an ask because I was told there was only one shot and I was told I'll think about it. Which was really just a nice way of telling me to piss off. Or, and this is also very common, I went into a relationship intending to build a relationship, but because I didn't have a strategy or a plan in place or a clear path forward, I ended up getting friend zoned. And then we got to a point where it's like, oh, Ria just likes me as a friend and likes to hang out with me. And then it was awkward because I felt like I couldn't get to and ask. So one of my favorite analogies, as anyone listening for any amount of time knows, I love a dating analogy. The top three mistakes that I am referring to would be like one Continuing to chase after someone who's just not that into you two Asking someone to marry you on the first date or three taking someone out and not being clear with your intention and essentially getting friend zoned when you're actually in it to get married. So I'm going to break these three things down and to tell you what to do instead. Because these mistakes aren't just frustrating, they waste your time and leave money on the table. But here's the good news. You can fix it. Today I'm breaking these three things down and to tell you what you should do instead. So mistake number one, chasing down donors who don't want to talk to you. They're just not that into you. Maybe you have a list of people that you've inherited or a list you've developed from your database. You've identified prospects based on some criteria. Maybe a well screen things that their friends have told you. Maybe it's based on some Google searches that you you've done. And you have this relatively cold list. If they do respond to you, you're spending way too much time trying to convince people who are never interested in the first place. You keep sending emails, invitations to coffee, text messages, letters, impact reports, and all of it gets ignored. Or maybe they do respond to you and you mistake politeness for real interest. So why is this happening to you? You're a nice person. Why does this frustrating thing happen to nice people like you? One, you have fomo. You have fear of missing out. One of my friends who's been on the podcast, Brooke, talks about her fear of leaving money on the table. And so you get into that really unhelpful desperation energy of oh my God, like I must chase down every single person, even the ones that have not demonstrated that they are interested in me at all. The second reason is that you actually have not properly qualified. And so by qualify, I don't mean just that they have capacity to give you a gift. Just because someone could give a million dollar gift doesn't mean that they're going to give a million dollar gift to you. When we're thinking about qualifying people, it's not just do they have the money to give, have they shown any interest in any way? Are they opening your emails? Are they clicking through your emails? Are they engaging with you on social? Are they responding to your phone calls? Are they coming to events? Have they volunteered? All of these things are indicators that someone is actually interested and engaged. Because just because I know or have heard about a nonprofit doesn't mean that it is of interest to me. It doesn't mean that this is the right thing for me. When you don't have criteria for properly qualifying people before engaging with them, you end up chasing a lot of people who are just not into you. Here are a couple of things that you can do in order to qualify. Ask yourself, do they have the capacity? Do they have the money? You may not always know that, but generally there are things that you can look for. I. E Have they given to other causes? Have they indicated that they have a donor advised fund or family foundation? Before you invest your time, ask yourself, do they have the five elements of being pre qualified to give capacity? Capacity is just one indicator of whether or not. Just because they have the money doesn't mean that they're going to give the money to you. Do they have a reason? Do they have someone that they're personally connected to? Is there a way that they have experienced this problem in their own life? 4. Is the timing right for them? Because if the timing is not right, no amount of emails is going is going to convince me to give a gift. 4. Have they shown engagement in any way? Have they come to anything? Have they responded to anything? Have they even opened your emails? And then five. Permission. Do you actually have permission to reach out to them? Because I really believe in consent based fundraising. If I haven't given you my email, if I haven't told you it's okay for you to reach out, don't reach out to me, stop bothering me. If you have these five pieces of qualification, then you have a green light to reach out to them. And I would use a permission based approach. Something like, hey, would you be open to a conversation about this? If they hesitate, take a hint. You can send them an email. Here's an email format that I like. Two sentences, one question. First question is an identity question like, hey, Bob, I know that you care deeply about saving the whales. Two, allow me to introduce myself. Here's who I am and here is the opportunity that we have in front of ourselves. We have an opportunity now to save a pot of whales in the Pacific. Three question would you be open to a conversation about how you might participate or join us in this effort? So by asking permission, by letting them know ahead of time what it is you intend to do if they take the meeting? Everyone already knows why they're there. Now let's back up a little bit. You might say to me, ria, how do I know that people are engaged with this? How do I know that I'm bringing warm leads to the table? The answer is marketing. If you listen to my last podcast, you know that marketing equals donations. If people don't know you, they can't like you. And if they don't like you, they're not going to trust you. And the way that you achieve warming up the leads, nurturing them to come to the table, is that you're putting out high quality content that is actually providing value for them. The value could be inspiration. The value could Be education. The value could be connection and community. But when you approach fundraising from a value first perspective, when you think about give value before you ask, that is how you bring people to the table who are willing and able because A they know what you're about because you've produced enough content to inform and educate them, B they trust you because you've given them something, and C they have brought themselves to the table based on their own timeline, their own reasons, their own capacity. The takeaway here is stop chasing ghosts. Focus on the people who are actually interested in talking to you and read the signs. As the kids say, read the room. If somebody is ignoring you, please stop pestering them. They are not your warmest leads. Mistake number two, and this really came from one of my clients, she says that a lot of the advice that she gets, especially with high capacity folks, is that you only get one shot. I think this is wrongheaded in so many ways. The mistake that people make is that they pitch too fast and they rush the ask. The problem is when you feel like you only have one shot, you basically are asking someone to marry you on the first date because you're nervous. You have a slide deck. You lead with the numbers instead of the connection. And then you get the polite I'll think about it response, AKA soft no. Usually why it happens is that you are getting fundraising pressure, whether it's from your ed or bored who are pushing for quick results. When we get into a scarcity mindset, it forces us to do things that we wouldn't normally do. Like you wouldn't normally pressure a donor to give before they're ready. But when you have this sense of anxiety about money and meeting the bottom line, it makes you do stuff that you wouldn't normally do as a human being. Other reasons why this happens is that you are afraid your donor will lose interest and is a busy person. If you don't hem up the gift in this one meeting, you're never going to get another chance. And then finally, sometimes this happens because there's a lack of a structured cultivation process. So here's what to do instead. Wine. You've heard me say this so many times. Ditch the pitch. Stop treating fundraising like a sales pitch. It's a relationship, not a transaction. Let's talk about the people who say you only get one shot. They say that because they got the meeting and they sucked at it. What I mean by this is for all of you out here who know about dating, usually you start with a coffee date to see if there's Interest. If there's interest, maybe I might invite you to a longer date or a dinner date or something with more commitment. The problem with fundraisers who think that they have one shot is that they blew the coffee date and they've somehow made in their minds, instead of taking responsibility for thinking maybe I screwed that up, they make it about the donor. They're too busy and they're only going to give me one shot. The truth of the matter is, if I have a good and positive connecting experience with somebody who I don't really know, maybe I start with a 15 minute coffee date or whatever. If it is intriguing, if I feel like it's valuable, if I feel good about the interaction, I am open to the next interaction. If I feel bad about that interaction, I'm going to say no or ignore your phone calls. In that first meeting, I encourage you to say, I am not here to ask you for a gift today. In fact, I may never ask you for a gift. My intention today is to learn about what you want to do with your philanthropy and how can I help you do it? It is your job in this meeting to find out what are they up against, what do they think about what's on their priority list and then if it feels like there's a there. So in that first meeting you're qualifying, do they have interest? Are they engaged? Do they have capacity? Do they have timing? Do they have a reason? Is there some kind of connection with the cause? If that is true, then you can lead into a second meeting where you're actually qualifying them to be in your portfolio. But the first meeting should not be, boom, we're getting to the ask. It's like asking someone to marry you on the first date. In that first meeting, however, I think it would be a mistake if someone walked away from the meeting and said, oh, that was nice and there's no follow up. If in fact this first meeting goes well, you hem up the next step in the meeting. So it feels this has been such an incredible conversation. Would you mind if we had another meeting? In this next meeting, I'd love to put together a plan for how we might engage with each other. There's no ask here. Should we ever get to a point of an ask, you'll know about it and it'll be something we co construct together. At this point, hearing what you are concerned about, would you allow me to create this plan and then we can decide if we want to move forward? Oh yeah, sure, that sounds great. By the way, you always hem up the next step in the meeting. Great. Can we put it on our calendars? Maybe in two weeks on Friday at 2pm in person? Yeah. Fantastic. That's great. Focus on alignment first. Focus on what is it that your donor wants and how can you help them get it. And remember, successful fundraisers don't rush the ask. They build momentum. Now here's what I will say. A lot of people might say that just seems like it's going to take too much time. It will take time because trust is not built overnight. When we present ourselves as someone who is in service to, not an extractor of our donor, someone who wants to help them achieve the thing they want, that is when we build trust. When I show up with my hand out like I want something from you, that is not trusting. Let's go back to our dating analogy. If you went out on a date with someone who clearly wanted something other than a trusting long term relationship, what was your response? I would be guessing that you would not be open to a second date unless you too were looking for a short term, no strings attached situation. Let me use another dating analogy. If you've ever been out on a date with someone and it was very clear that maybe they wanted a quick no strings attached, friends with benefits kind of situation and you were looking for a long term relationship, I'm going to guess that you wouldn't go out on a date with that person again if they wanted wasn't something you were interested in, or maybe that was something you were interested in and vayo con dios, you made it happen. But the point is that we have to be clear about what our intention is and come in with the kind of energy that is actually in service to and wanting to build trust. Let's talk about the third mistake. This happens on the opposite end of the spectrum, which is that you're so focused on giving, building the relationship that you end up with no path forward and you actually end up with someone who thinks that you're a friend and it becomes awkward to ask for a gift. So here's the problem, here's what it looks like you've been cultivating, quote unquote, a donor forever, but there's no movement towards a gift. They enjoy talking to you, they'll take your phone calls, they're delighted to hear from you, but there's no actual financial commitment and at some point you're afraid to jeopardize the relationship by asking directly. I've seen this happen. Why this happens is that you mistake friendly engagement for donor intent. Let me say that Again, because that's really important. You mistake friendly engagement for donor intent. In fact, I was talking to someone the other day who has a portfolio of older people, and they're like sweet little old ladies who love her, love having her go to lunch with them, love talking to her on the phone. But these are not people who are able to give a gift. And yet she feels compelled because now she's built a relationship with them. So where she went wrong is that she didn't set clear expectations for the relationship on the front end. And finally, sometimes we have a fear of rejection or making other people feel bad by making them feel that because they don't have the capacity, we can't spend time with them. Spend time with them in your own time because you are on company time and every minute counts, right? If you are spending lots of time cultivating building a relationship, it should be moving you towards a gift. What do you do instead? First, you clarify expectations early. I'd love to explore how you might support this work. Is that something you would be open to? Right. You can also use a direct but graceful approach. I sew in. Appreciate your enthusiasm. It's been wonderful getting to know you over the last couple of months. I'm just wondering, would you be open to discussing how you can have an impact financially on our work? Now, I know this can feel a little awkward, and they're always allowed to say no, but I do think you have to make clear that we're not just friends. Right? Pamela, part of my job is also to raise funds for our organization. And I'm just wondering, is that a conversation that you would be open to? Again, you're on company time, so know when to pivot. If it feels like they're not interested in giving, they're not able to give, or they have no reason to give, there's a point at which you have to stop investing fundraising energy into the relationship. Again, if you feel like it's a relationship that you want to keep, do it at your own time. Or maybe set reminders every quarter to check in. But the truth of the matter is, your job is not out here to make friends. Your job is to raise money. It's not just about making friends. I know that sounds harsh. Look, you're a fundraiser, not a friend raiser. I could have a lot of friends in the world, but it doesn't mean that I'm actually closing gifts and doing my jobs. Your job is really about finding true partners in the mission and advancing them forward in a way that respects their timing, their humanity, their desires to give. But if you're just having coffee time after time with nice little old ladies who are never going to be able to give, you're probably not using your time effectively. Let me summarize because I think it's important for us to get this into our brains. Stop chasing people who are not that into you. Don't rush the ask. Build momentum and avoid the friend zone by setting clear expectations. And actually, while we're on the subject, I'm, I'm reminded of back when I was single and I would go on dates, but it was very unclear because this was California and people were like super laid back right when I went out on a date, it was unclear to me. Are we hanging out as friends or is this a date? I never knew what to wear. I never knew what to expect because there was a lack of clarity about what we're actually doing here. Don't do this to your donors. Lead them through a process, a path forward with clarity and transparency and have enough respect for them, their time and their feelings to be clear about where you're going, why you're going there, and what this path looks like. Here are the final thoughts. Fundraising isn't about pressure or persuasion. It's about finding the right people and inviting them into so I hope this was helpful to you. Let me know if any of these mistakes were hitting home. Send me a dm. I'd love to hear if this resonated for you or if there are other mistakes that you see people making out here. If this is resonating with you and you want my help to build a donor strategy that works, go to my website, book a free 45 minute phone call. If it feels like we're a good fit, we'll jump on the line and I will give you some ideas about how you can be a better fundraiser today. Until next time nonprofit Lowdown Nation. I'll see you next time.