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Hey, you. It's Rhea Wong. If you're listening to Nonprofit Load on, I'm pretty sure that you'd love my weekly newsletter. Every Tuesday morning, you get updates on the newest podcast episodes. And then interspersed, we have fun special invitations for newsletter subscribers only and fundraising inspo, because I know what it feels like to be in the trenches alone. On top of that, you get cute dog photos. Best of all, it is free. So what are you waiting for? Head over to riawong.com now to sign up Foreign welcome to Nonprofit Lowdown. I'm your host, Rhea Wong. What up, nonprofit fam? It's your girl, Ria, here with Nonprofit Lowdown once again. Today I want to talk about what should be top of mind for everybody right now in this season as we're heading into end of year giving, which I like to call this super bowl of fundraising. As some of you all might know, we need to talk about stewardship. We need to talk about creating that magic moment for giving. And I think too often so many of us are thinking about the bottom line that we forget that there are people behind those checks, people behind those credit cards. And I think the real missed opportunity here is that we forget to use the interactions as an opportunity to create a connecting moment. So let me back up a little bit. So I'm a little late to this K Pop Demon Hunter phenomenon. I don't have kids, so that might explain why I'm a little late in the party. But for those of you who know what K Pop Demon Hunter is, it is a worldwide phenomenon of it. As the name suggests, it is about K Pop Demon Hunters and it's on Netflix. And if you have a smallish child, you you probably have heard or seen this movie about a bajillion times. Anyway, I mention it because the other day I was walking down the street and I saw my little neighbor Sid. She's probably about seven. We were chatting and she said, you haven't seen K Pop Demon Hunters. The judgment, y', all, was real. So I decided to finally see K Pop Demon Hunters because everyone was talking about it and everyone is talking about this song, Golden. So not only did I watch K Pop Demon Hunters, I signed up for a K Pop Demon Hunter. Sing along. Yes. Now let me talk about singing. I have more enthusiasm than I do talent, but because I am Asian and Asians love a karaoke moment, I dare you to find an Asian gathering without a karaoke machine. Anyway, in order to honor my ancestors, I signed up for this K Pop Demon Hunter Sing along hosted by Gaia music here in Brooklyn, which, by the way, it was fantastic. So I'm going to put the information in the show notes. Matt Goldstein, you're awesome if you're listening to this. Anyway, the point is, I show up and it's a room of 250 strangers. We all have sheet music, by the way, I don't read sheet music either. So I was there for the vibes more than I was to actually read the music. And the point being, though, within three hours, a group of 250 strangers had created beautiful music. We had our sopranos and we had our mezzos, and we had our altos and tenors and bass, and everybody learned this piece of music. And we came together within three hours and created this beautiful acapella version of Golden. Actually, it was Golden. Plus, this is what it sounds like. In case anybody really wants to know, I'll post the video in the show notes. The point being, it was connecting. It was magical. We were creating music and magic on this rainy Sunday in Brooklyn. And I say that all to say that I'm going to bring it back to fundraising, because I always bring it back to fundraising. How are we thinking about these magical moments for our donors? And I think when we're so in the grind of it, when we're just like so busy and we're drowning in things to do, we forget the opportunity to be a human being. Because the truth is, people give because they want to believe in something. They want good things to happen in the world. They want to know that their contribution has meant something. And when we as fundraisers aren't conscious about creating those moments for people where they get to actually bask in the afterglow of their gift and what it means and what it gets and what they get to tell them about who they are as a person, we miss an opportunity. Now let's think about what is the role of a fundraiser? I think when we are at our absolute best as fundraisers, we are not extracting resources. Some of the absolute worst advice I hear from fundraisers. Fundraisers are when it's clear people are in this transactional mindset, oh, how am I going to get them to give me something? What words do I say to get them to get me the thing? Right? It just feels so icky and manipulative. But when we as fundraisers are coming from a place of wanting genuinely to be of service to our donors, wanting genuinely to help them to achieve their vision of the world, when we're coming from a place of asking first, what do you want to have happen and how can I help you to do it? We are facilitators of meaning, not extractors of resources. That is when we unlock the real generosity. That is where joy lives. That is where connection lives. That is where true philanthropy in the sense of the word, which is love of humanity, happens. Now, the thing that we forget, and I know a lot of you nonprofit folks out here, and you have a million balls in the air, and you're wearing a million different hats and you're juggling all the balls, when we are so focused on getting things done and we don't take a step back to really think about what is the magical moment that we are creating, what is the way in which we are bringing people into our community in a way, in authentic and nurturing way, how do we create that magic moment of turning strangers into friends? We missed the opportunity. And by the way, that is when donors ghost, when donors don't feel like they're important, when donors don't feel like their gift made a difference, when donors don't feel like you acknowledge them or recognize them or valued them in the community, that's when they quietly slip away. And so some of the things that we do as fundraisers and look, I'm not out here casting stones. Guilty as charged, right? I understand being in an organization and you're just running a million miles a minute, but it looks like doing things like sending out generic communications, if you send communications out at all, it looks like only communicating with people when you want something from them. It looks like not tailoring reach outs or events or invitations to them specifically, because we all know what it feels like when things are generic. We all know when we're getting a form email. And so when we're thinking about how do we make people feel something, even if we have to invite people at scale, when we bring them together, how are we creating the moment? How are we being hosts to this human connection? I say this all to say that right now it is October and we, as I think a larger community, are really hurting. We are super divided along political lines, along socioeconomic lines, along racial lines. And the truth of the matter is, I think that human beings have more in common than not and that if we were able to actually just talk to each other, we would find that we actually want a lot of the same things. And I think it's the. Look, I'm not here to get on my soapbox, but I really do think social media makes its money on manufacturing outrage and manufacturing this lie that we are separate from each other, that we are different than each other, that we are enemies to each other. And I don't think that's true at all. And so when I think about fundraising, when I think about when we are at our best, I think of it as leadership in public. What I mean by leadership in public is by being a frontline fundraiser, you have an opportunity every single day to demonstrate your values in action. It helps you to demonstrate seeing the best in people. It helps you to demonstrate. And being witness to people's generosity, you get to engage in amazing conversations about how do we make the world a better place, how do we impact the world in the way that you would like it to be impacted? How do we provide hope and joy in this world that feels so dark and so heavy? And it is such a gift as a fundraiser to be able to engage in those conversations and to be trusted by people to have those conversations. Because if I see you as an ally, as opposed to someone who's trying to get something from me, then I have genuine conversations about how we can work together to achieve the thing that is important to both of us. And I think when we start to see each other as us instead of you and me, that is really where the magic happens. So the last thing I want to talk about is one of my clients, Jacob Adams, who actually has been on this podcast, has talked a lot recently about the disconnection crisis. And Jacob and his team are doing amazing things at Inner Spark. They're working on the disconnection crisis in our public schools, and specifically the schools in la. But I think it goes further than that. I see a real disconnection crisis happening all over the world, but certainly in philanthropy. And I think the disconnection crisis happens when our donors don't trust us as fundraisers, when they think that we're not working in their best interests, when they are questioning why we want to talk. How many of us out here have spent a million hours sending out requests for coffee or lunch, and all you hear is crickets? Why do you think that is? Sure, people are certainly busy. I get that. But I would hazard that it is more that people don't trust you and your intentions. And the truth of the matter is, they're right not to, because I talk to lots of fundraisers every single day, and so many of us are trained to be in this transactional mindset. So when I'm in a transactional mindset, I ask questions like, how many meetings should I have before I ask for a gift? Or how do I know how much to ask for or what should I ask people for? The truth is, if you actually had a relationship with your donors, if you actually asked questions and found out information and found out who they are and why they care and what matters to them, you would already know the answer to these things. And I know it sounds very pat and I know we are all looking for that magic bullet of that one chatgpt prompt to that is gonna get you the money that you want. But until we fall in love with the process and realize that there is a process and realize that in fact the process can be a beautiful things, that the process can actually be a moment of connection, a moment to show people our humanity, a moment of authenticity, a moment to understand who they are as people, then we're always going to be operating in this transactional mindset. And frankly, the transactional mindset really bums people out. It's. That's the reason why I think we have such a high level of burnout in our field. Because frankly, most people don't like to feel transactional. If you're listening to this and you're in the nonprofit field, I'm pretty sure you didn't get into this field because you really wanted to treat people like transactions. If that was your vibe, you'd probably be in like high volume sales, maybe be a used car salesman, I don't know. But most of the people that I know in nonprofit 10 do it because they genuinely fell in love with the cause. They genuinely want to be part of a mission. They genuinely want to change the world and they want other people in the community as well. They want to bring people along with them. If you're listening to this, I offer this as an invitation for you to not just think about the tactics that you're using. How many emails are we sending, what do the emails say, et cetera, et cetera. But really to position yourself as a facilitator of a process and a facilitator of meaning. Let me walk through this a little bit. Let me just share a quick story, which I think is going to be an interesting example. My grandparents came from China. They were immigrants from China. Classic American story. They showed up $20 in their pocket. They landed in San Francisco. They grew up, they owned little bodegas in very rough parts of San Francisco and the Mission District and the Fillmore during the 50s and 60s and 70s in San Francisco. But they scrimped and they saved and they raised seven kids. All seven kids went to college. All seven kids ended up with White collar jobs. And in my family, we very much bought into this story that there was never going to be enough. So even though I grew up in a very comfortable middle class family, there was always the sense of the wolf is at the door. Like one wrong move could mean the difference between thriving and being homeless. It was stark. Even though it was not actually true. There was this tremendous economic pressure that we felt at all times. Anyway, my parents are now in a position, very fortunately, where they've done well, they've saved for retirement. And the other day my father called me. And let me be clear, in my family, we are not philanthropic at all. I have become so as an adult, but I was not raised philanthropically. Now, to be fair, in my family, no one ever called it philanthropy. Right? That was not a word that we used. But often in our community, we did things like helped out a family member or paid for groceries or contributed to tuition, right? So that was philanthropy. We just didn't call it capital philanthropy. The point is, though, my parents don't really give to charities anyway. The other day, because they have what they call a qualified charitable distribution, because they're over the age of 73, they are required to take out money from their 401k. Now, the money that they take out can either be given to the IRS or distributed to charity. Am I. Parents called me for the first time. You could have knocked me over with a feather. And they said, ria, we have to give this money away to charity. What should we give it to? First of all, I've been in nonprofits my entire life. My family has never asked me ever about where they should donate any kind of money. So that was shocking. But secondly, it was very interesting to me because I engaged in a conversation for literally the first time in my life with my parents about what's important to you. They had never considered the question, maybe we should give money to the schools that you guys went to, or would they have a dog? Maybe we should give money to the Humane Society. And for the first time, we were having a conversation about purpose and meaning, which again, in my immigrant family, that is not a thing that happens. But I say this all to say that many people are very good at amassing wealth. Being able to give that money away thoughtfully, to give that money away intentionally and aligned with your values is not something that a lot of people think about, because these are two very different activities. When we are fundraisers, we do have an opportunity to have conversations with our donors about purpose and meaning and values that for many of them, they haven't really even considered. My invitation to you is to think about your role as a fundraiser, as leadership in public, that you have the privilege and the opportunity to engage with people in conversations about things that they really haven't even thought about, and that you can help them to realize their purpose and the thing that would give them meaning in their lives. Because at the end of the day, we all want to believe that our lives have meant something, right? We all want to believe that the finite time that we have on this planet meant something to somebody. And so if we as fundraisers can both give that as the gift to our donors and also to give them the gift of connection, to give them the gift of feeling connected to a community, to give them a gift of magic, I can't think of a better job in the world. And so I know sometimes fundraising can feel like a grind, invite you to just take a breath and realize that actually it is a privilege. I always think about that plaque that you see on the U.S. open before the players head onto the court. That plaque by Billie Jean King. Pressure is a privilege. So the pressure that we might feel as fundraisers is actually a privilege, because in very few places, we are so often afforded the opportunity to engage with people in this really special way and to unlock a sense of purpose, to unlock a sense of generosity, to unlock a sense of belonging and connection. K Pop Demon Hunter Sing along meant something to me, and it really was just a simple thing. It wasn't fancy, it didn't require fireworks. It was literally a room of 250 strangers and some sheet music. But when we bring the kind of energy and the kind of intention to an interaction, with the goal and with the purpose of genuinely connecting and genuinely wanting to create something good in the world, how might it change our interactions? So I invite you, when you're thinking about interacting with them, just take a breath, take a moment, think. Think about how you can make it special. And I assure you that this sort of mindset, this shift in the paradigm, will pay dividends. If you like this kind of advice and you want more of this, I invite you to consider applying for a Donor Growth evaluation call. In this call, we'll delve into what your fundraising has looked like, ask lots of invasive questions about your fundraising, offer you some tips about what you might be able to do if you are feeling stuck, and talk about what it might look like to work together if it makes sense for both of us. Have a great week. Check all the information out here from Gaia Music, the video and a link to apply to a donor growth evaluation. I'll see you next week. Hey fundraisers. Looking to nail those big fundraising asks? Check out my big Ask Gift program at riawong.com forward/ask bag. Say goodbye to uncertainty and hello to confidence with my program. Get expert strategies and personalized support to secure those game changing donations. Don't let fear hold you back. Join me and take your fundraising to new heights. We're enrolling now@riawong.com bag that's rhea wong.com bag so if you like big asks and you cannot lie, I'll see you in the program.