Nonprofit Lowdown – Episode #370

The Neuroscience of Generosity (and What Fundraisers Get Wrong) with Cherian Koshy
Host: Rhea Wong | Guest: Cherian Koshy
Date: January 5, 2026

Episode Overview

The first episode of 2026 features Rhea Wong in conversation with Cherian Koshy—VP at Kindsight and author of the bestselling book "Neurogiving." Together, they delve into the emerging field of neuroscience as it relates to nonprofit fundraising. The discussion unfolds around why traditional "best practices" often fail, how the human brain experiences generosity, and practical advice to align fundraising methods with research on human behavior.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Fundraising Pathways and Motivation

• Cherian’s Nonlinear Journey: From accidental frontline fundraiser to nonprofit tech founder to bestselling author, Koshy explains how necessity and curiosity fueled his trajectory.
  • “I fell backwards into fundraising like most people do.” (02:18, B)
  • The book "Neurogiving" is not a memoir but a curation of research: "It’s 220 plus source citations. It’s really a roadmap of here’s what the research says..." (03:20, B)

2. The Myth of Fundraising Best Practices

• Both guests share frustration that “best practices” often reflect anecdata—what worked in one context, not universal truths.
  • "[A lot] of quote-unquote best practices are quite outdated, quite coercive." (07:19, A)
  • The quest to find the ‘secret formula’ leads to confusion:
    • "I was like, I need to understand what all those best practices are ... and then they weren’t working." (07:53, B)

3. Consumer Decisions vs. Philanthropic Decisions

• Neuroscience reveals donor brains behave differently than consumer brains, especially at the point of deciding whether to give or not.
  • Reference to Dr. Russell James’ MRI studies: "...you talk to them about philanthropy, and a different part of the brain lights up." (07:10, A)
• There is overlap in friction points: Both donation and purchase processes can deter action if overly complicated.
  • "Lots of clicks and lots of buttons and lots of forms, that tires out our brain in exactly the same way..." (09:03, B)
• Key quote: “We’re not rational people, we’re rationalizing people.” (09:44, B, paraphrasing Dan Ariely)

4. Storytelling & Donor Identity

• Donors rationalize giving through the narratives they build about themselves ("I am a generous person").
  • "Our goal is to align exactly what you said. It’s to work with that storytelling narrative that the brain is already doing." (11:48, B)
• The role of the fundraiser is to help craft and support the donor’s heroic narrative, not to be the hero themselves.
  • "We are on the... role and our positionality is one of how can I help you, donor, to achieve the thing that you want? And the thing that you want is the victory." (14:52, A)

5. Donor-Centric vs. Community-Centric—A False Binary?

• The sector’s tension between donor-centrism and community-centrism is discussed.
  • "Elements of the philosophy of donor centrism... have gone way far into weirdo land that are problematic ..." (16:07, B)
  • Distinguishing neuroscience from philosophy/ethics: neuroscience describes universal behavior, not justification of donor-centrism.
  • "Everyone is telling a story about themselves. That story may be misplaced... we as fundraisers are placed in that person’s life to... nudge, to correct, to address..." (17:00, B)
• Effective identity-based stewardship should go beyond labels (e.g., "alumnus") and appeal to specific identities and experiences.
  • Illustration: "The identity that matters is that they were really... on the tennis team..." (18:22, B)

6. The Friction and Distrust in Giving

• Current donation processes are overengineered, cumbersome, and alienating—feeding public and donor distrust.
  • "We create friction. We create distrust." (21:32, A)
• The sector pressures unrealistic growth and over-reporting of impact with limited resources, exacerbating the problem.
  • "For a very long time [the philosophy] is to take the smallest amount of money and try to demonstrate that you're doing way more than is reasonably possible and never, ever make a mistake." (23:12, B)
• Notable quote:
  • “We have over engineered the donation process ... it’s overly transactional and it doesn’t feel human anymore.” (27:29, B)
• Authentic generosity is thriving in grassroots, peer-to-peer, and mutual aid models.

7. Under-Engineering Stewardship ("The Afterglow Effect")

• While organizations obsess about getting donations, they neglect the stewardship phase that "closes the loop" and fuels future giving.
  • "I think we've under engineered the stewardship, the afterglow." (30:14, A)
• Stewardship must be personal, authentic, and emotionally resonant, not just automated.
  • "What you’re looking for is not to automate that process in any way. You have to create that authentic moment of realization that the donor accomplished something..." (33:57, B)
• Scientific concept: "warm glow effect"—the satisfaction and neural reward a donor feels from giving and witnessing impact.

8. The Art of Solicitation: Lowering the Stakes

• The traditional 'high-pressure’ approach creates anxiety in both fundraisers and donors, activating the amygdala and making rational decision-making harder.
  • "We ramp it up to this high stakes negotiation moment... our amygdala is going off. We’re not thinking with our prefrontal cortex..." (36:31, A)
• Neuroscience & Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) offer alternatives:
  • The fundraiser’s job is to align with what the donor already wants, not to "negotiate" against them.
    • "Your job is to say, if that's what you want to accomplish... then my recommendation is..." (40:54, B)
• The importance of deep, present listening: move away from ego-driven scripts and tune into what the donor wants, expressed and unexpressed.
  • "The art of listening... Because when we’re listening, we’re outside of our own ego." (41:25, A)
  • "If all I’m doing is just pausing to let you say what you want to say so then I can say what I want to say..." (42:04, A)
  • "That’s the worst thing you can do." (42:27, B)

Memorable Quotes

• Cherian Koshy [on the 'best practices' trap]:
  "I had the exact same feeling. I was like, I need to understand what all those best practices are. I'm going to read all of these books. And then they weren't working ... Oh, it must be user error." (07:53)

• Rhea Wong [on stewardship]:
  "I think we've under engineered the stewardship, the afterglow. ... Not only do I want to know that you've received it, like that's a big thing. And then just tell me what you did with the money. Make me feel that you've closed the loop." (30:14)

• Cherian Koshy [on donor identity & storytelling]:
  "Our goal is to align...with that storytelling narrative that the brain is already doing and make it as easy as possible to fit their pre-existing narrative into the narrative that we're telling..." (11:48)

• Cherian Koshy [on focus]:
  "We have over automated the wrong parts. Right. And over AI the wrong parts. Like, the parts that we should be automating and AI-fying are the backend functions ... But [donors] need to feel like, oh, I'm about to do something that matters. And I just did something that matters." (31:22)

• Rhea Wong [on listening]:
  “I’m increasingly interested in this concept of listening, because I think we listen ... but if all I’m doing is just pausing to let you say what you want so then I can say what I want..." (42:04)

Noteworthy Segments & Timestamps

• Cherian’s Story & Book Genesis – 02:18-06:06
• Critique of Best Practices & Outdated Approaches – 07:19-08:42
• Brain Science Behind Giving vs. Spending – 09:03-11:48
• Role of Narrative and Donor Identity – 11:48-14:49
• Donor vs. Community-Centric Fundraising – 16:07-21:15
• Distrust & Friction in Giving – 21:32-27:29
• Peer-to-Peer Models/Authentic Generosity – 27:29-29:34
• Under-Engineering Stewardship – 30:14-33:57
• Applying Neuroscience at the Ask – 36:31-40:58
• The True Art of Listening – 41:25-42:27

Additional Resources Mentioned

• Dr. Russell James (Philanthropy & Brain Imaging)
• Dr. Paul Zak (Oxytocin & Generosity)
• Dan Ariely (Predictably Irrational)
• Chris Voss ("Never Split the Difference")
• Phil M. Jones ("Exactly What to Say")

Conclusion

Cherian Koshy and Rhea Wong offer an incisive, science-backed critique of how fundraising is currently practiced. At its core, the episode pushes listeners to rethink fundraising as a discipline grounded in psychology and authentic connection, not in outdated formulas or over-engineered systems. The research is clear: generosity is fundamentally human; it’s time fundraising practices caught up.

Get "Neurogiving" for a modern, evidence-based roadmap for fundraisers in 2026 and beyond.