Nonprofit Lowdown #372: "Worst Fundraising Advice I've Ever Heard"

Host: Rhea Wong
Date: January 19, 2026

Episode Overview

In this insightful and candid solo episode, Rhea Wong tackles the most damaging fundraising advice she’s encountered over her career in the nonprofit sector. With her trademark humor and expertise, Rhea names and dissects a series of misguided fundraising mantras that lead to donor mistrust, discomfort, and organizational instability. She urges fundraisers to reject guilt-based tactics and transactional thinking, advocating instead for a "consent-based fundraising" model that centers trust, transparency, and authentic partnership. The episode balances storytelling, actionable insights, and reframes the fundraising conversation to build healthier, more sustainable nonprofit-donor relationships.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Impact of Bad Fundraising Advice

• Rhea sets the tone by critiquing the legacy of "ATM-style" and transactional fundraising, revealing how it damages not only donors but the reputation of the nonprofit sector (01:45).
  • Quote: "There's this element of the way that we fundraise that makes them feel icky, because frankly, it is icky." (02:40)
• Most fundraisers, she says, are good-hearted people, yet the pressure to meet goals can drive harmful tactics.

2. Worst Fundraising Advice: Examples and Rhea’s Rebuttals

a) Guilt-Based, Inflated Asks (03:12)

• Rhea recounts a story where an Executive Director advised: "When you're asking somebody for money, if you think that they could give you 10, you should ask for 30. Then they'll feel so bad that they'll give you 15 maybe."
  • Quote: "My jaw dropped to the ground. I didn't even say anything. I was so shocked, I just walked away." (04:02)
• Why it's harmful:
  • Promotes giving based on guilt or obligation rather than genuine interest.
  • "Guilt based giving creates regret, regret creates avoidance, and avoidance looks like donor attrition." (05:00)
  • Results in donors learning to distrust fundraisers, leading to disengagement.

b) ‘Just Ask. If They Care, They'll Give.’ (07:00)

• Criticism: Frames generosity as a moral test, pressuring donors and punishing curiosity or hesitation.
• Why it's harmful:
  • "Donors learn that uncertainty equals judgment" (08:15)
  • Leads to donors withholding questions or engagement out of fear of being immediately solicited.

c) Avoid Talking About Money Early (10:00)

• Rhea shares two personal stories:
  • Laying on the charm with a foundation leader but never clarifying the financial intention, thus ending up "stuck in the friend zone." (10:30)
  • Repeatedly having coffee with a friendly potential donor who never wanted to talk money, resulting in "wasted hours on my behalf... basically babysitting her." (11:28)
• Why it's harmful:
  • Ambiguity erodes trust. "Avoiding money conversations doesn't feel polite to donors. It feels unclear. And the surprise is far more damaging than transparency." (12:45)
  • Donors feel ambushed when finances are eventually discussed.

d) Focus on the Gift Amount, Not the Relationship (15:18)

• Rhea warns that single-transaction, goal-driven fundraising undermines long-term relationships.
  • Quote: "[Organizations] win a campaign and lose a donor." (15:21)
• "Mariachi money" metaphor: donors give just to end a pushy interaction, not out of true alignment.
• Stewardship of small gifts is crucial, as major donors often "test" organizations before larger engagement.
  • "If you're not good at stewarding the small gift, chances are you're not going to be good at stewarding the big gift." (17:01)

e) Follow the Script (18:38)

• Scripts promise safety but actually deliver distance and inauthenticity.
  • Quote: "Major donors can feel when a conversation is being steered instead of shared." (18:44)
• Rhea references "three levels of listening" (thanks to guest Jason):
  • Level 1: Waiting to talk.
  • Level 2: Fully present and hearing what's said.
  • Level 3: Hearing what's not being said — which scripts prevent.
• Over-reliance on scripts causes fundraisers to be "performative," leading to donor disengagement.

f) 'Stewardship Happens After the Gift' (23:50)

• Rhea critiques the view that donor appreciation begins only after a donation.
  • Quote: "What that indicates is that the donor was never a partner, that they were just a payout." (23:55)
• Donors sense when gratitude is conditional, making them feel used and decreasing the likelihood of future giving.

3. The Underlying Problem: Fundraiser Goals > Donor Agency (25:02)

• All bad advice shares the flaw of centering organizational goals above donor consent, agency, and genuine partnership.
  • Quote: "The fundraiser's goal matters more than the donor's agency. Let me say that again. All of this advice shares the same underlying assumption..." (25:05)

4. The Alternative: Consent-Based Fundraising (26:10)

• Rhea introduces "consent-based fundraising" as the antidote to toxic traditions:

  • Centers trust over pressure
  • Relationship over transaction
  • Clarity over coercion
  • "It treats giving as a voluntary, informed, collaborative decision, not something to be engineered." (26:42)

• The benefits:

  • Raises more money over time, as donors stay engaged, grow, and advocate willingly (27:05).
  • "The conversation is the relationship, and the relationship is the unit of change." (21:46)

• The System Problem: Most orgs lack a repeatable, scalable, and replicable fundraising system. Over-reliance on "heroic" individuals (like a founder or rainmaker) is a vulnerability if they leave (28:30).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Guilt based giving creates regret, regret creates avoidance, and avoidance looks like donor attrition." (05:00)
• "Donors have learned that 'Would you like to go for coffee?' is Latin for 'Will you write me a check?'" (06:00)
• "Avoiding money conversations doesn't feel polite to donors. It feels unclear. And the surprise is far more damaging than transparency." (12:45)
• "When we are focused on raising a certain amount, I think we need to consider gauging success in different dimensions, not just the money raised." (17:51)
• "Scripts promise safety. They deliver distance." (18:40)
• "The conversation is the relationship, and the relationship is the unit of change." (21:46)
• "Stewardship is not what happens after the gift; it's the signal that you value people only at the moment of capacity." (24:10)
• "All of this advice shares the same underlying assumption, that the fundraiser's goal matters more than the donor's agency." (25:05)
• "Consent-based fundraising...centers trust over pressure, relationship over transaction, and clarity over coercion." (26:37)

Important Segments & Corresponding Timestamps

• 01:45 – The icky legacy of transactional fundraising
• 03:12 – Rhea’s story: the guilt-based 'inflate the ask' approach
• 07:00 – The dangers of the "just ask" mentality
• 10:00 – Getting "stuck in the friend zone" by not being clear about intentions
• 12:45 – Why avoiding the money conversation is actually unclear and damaging
• 15:18 – How focusing only on the gift goal loses donors
• 18:38 – Scripts and the three levels of listening
• 23:50 – The misconception of stewardship beginning post-gift
• 25:02 – The real, underlying problem: prioritizing the fundraiser's agenda
• 26:10 – Introduction to consent-based fundraising and its benefits
• 28:30 – The need for true, repeatable systems in fundraising

Tone & Takeaways

Rhea’s style is supportive, forthright, and humorous, using personal stories to illustrate core lessons. This episode is a clarion call to fundraisers to put human dignity and partnership at the center of their work—rejecting pressure and embracing processes that are consent-driven and sustainable. Fundraisers are encouraged to break with outdated, transactional approaches and implement systems grounded in honesty, relationship-building, and donor agency.

For Further Learning

• Rhea mentions an upcoming free webinar on building major gift systems and deep dives into consent-based fundraising (link in show notes).

• She invites listeners to share the worst fundraising advice they've heard, keeping a spirit of community learning alive.

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