Podcast Summary: Nonprofit Lowdown #373 – Out of the Ayahuasca Closet

Host: Rhea Wong
Date: January 26, 2026

Overview

In this deeply personal and unconventional episode of Nonprofit Lowdown, host Rhea Wong steps away from her usual fundraising tips to share her transformative experiences with the psychedelic brew ayahuasca. She opens up about her journey, burnout in nonprofit leadership, the healing process through ayahuasca ceremonies in Costa Rica, and the relevance these lessons have for those working in the nonprofit sector. This candid “coming out” about her use of psychedelics is intended not as an endorsement, but as a resonant story for leaders quietly carrying heavy burdens.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Talk About Ayahuasca?

(01:55–05:30)

• Rhea frames her episode as a departure from the podcast’s norm, addressing why her ayahuasca journey is relevant to nonprofit leaders.
  • Quote: “So much of the reason why I decided to do ayahuasca is so relevant to our sector.” (03:12)
• She shares her hesitation to discuss her experience publicly due to legal/cultural stigma, but chooses honesty:
  • “This is my coming out party... I’m done hiding.” (05:12)

2. The Nonprofit Leader’s Hidden Burden

(06:00–14:00)

• Rhea describes her own burnout—despite outward success, she felt disconnected, joyless, and like she was “painting by numbers.”
  • “From the outside looking in, my life was great... But joy wasn’t part of the equation.” (07:22)
• She introduces the metaphor of “God’s little hallway monitor” — a hyper-vigilant, over-functioning persona adopted by many nonprofit leaders.
  • “When does it stop being you and start being an identity—a mask that you hide behind?” (10:50)
• Over-functioning and chronic urgency are portrayed as survival strategies, rewarded but harmful:
  • “In the nonprofit culture, we reward that kind of behaviour. We talk about people doing heroic things, being superhuman... the success of our organizations depend on one hero burning themselves out.” (12:15)
• Her burnout manifested not in collapse but numbness, a loss of connection with her own soul.

3. The Search for Healing

(14:00–20:00)

• Before ayahuasca, Rhea tried extensive methods: yoga, therapy, hypnotherapy, retreats, acupuncture, and more.
  • “What I realized is that I was trying to make okay this completely unsustainable system of being.” (16:55)
• She articulates how unregulated leaders cannot build regulated organizations or relationships due to their own dysregulation.
  • “If you yourself are dysregulated, you cannot build a regulated organization.” (18:45)

4. Choosing Rythmia: Safety and Intention

(21:00–28:00)

• Rhea details her careful selection of Rythmia, a medically licensed ayahuasca retreat in Costa Rica.
  • “The container mattered as much as the experience. I needed to feel safe... this was a very deliberate and intentional choice.” (23:47)
• Rythmia offers medical screening, safety measures, and is suitable for first-time users. Preparation includes breathwork and education about the experience.

5. Ayahuasca Ceremony: Logistics & Stages

(29:00–40:00)

• Ceremonies are shaman-led, with high support staff ratios. Each night runs from early evening to early morning.
• Rhea demystifies the physical effects:
  • “Yes, there will be vomit... but the purging is related to emotional purging, and it’s not incidental. It’s essential.” (36:20)
• Four primary types of experiences:
  • Physical reactions (vomiting, sweating, etc.)
  • Visuals (pinta; fractals, cosmic geometry)
  • Consultas (insights or heard messages)
  • Nada (“dead asleep”—interpreted as ancestral healing underway)
• The underlying idea: trauma and stress reside in the body, and ayahuasca purges this on a somatic and spiritual level.

6. Profound Personal Experience: “Giving Birth to Myself”

(44:00–54:00)

• Rhea shares the climax of her journey: on the “divine new feminine” night, she underwent a symbolic rebirthing.
  • Quote: “I think I’m going through the birth canal... [The shaman] started chanting over me... my heart cracked wide open... I looked at her and I said, ‘I’m so scared and I’m so brave.’” (47:50)
• She describes feeling unconditional love for herself for the first time—an unearned, performance-free love.
  • “...there was nothing that was ever going to shake my love for myself. That was a really powerful thing.” (49:00)
• Afterward, she felt “shifting from self-surveillance to self-trust,” emerging with less fear and more spaciousness.

7. Linking Back to Nonprofit Work: The Challenge of Bravery and Healing

(56:00–01:00:10)

• Rhea draws the connection:
  • “We ask people with the softest hearts to do the hardest work.” (57:55)
• She reframes investing in personal healing as a necessity for mission, not a distraction.
  • “Spending the time, money and resources to heal yourself is not abandoning the mission. It’s resourcing it.” (58:43)
• Encourages nonprofit workers to question where in their lives they are “acting as the hallway monitor” and invites them to imagine what true healing might look like.

8. Common Questions and Misconceptions

(01:01:00–01:06:30)

• “Is it a cult?”: No—Rythmia has no dogma or recruitment; discernment is encouraged.
• Is it “just doing drugs”?: No—contexts of ceremony and medical oversight distinguish this from recreational drug use.
  • “This is like the furthest thing from a party drug ever.” (01:03:10)
• Emphasizes difficulty, emotional challenge, and structured integration—not escapism or relaxation.

9. Reflections and Takeaways for Listeners

(01:07:00–End)

• Rhea stresses that healing is not a detour from leadership; it’s a crucial part of it.
  • “You don’t have to earn rest, joy or love through sacrifice. It is your birthright.” (01:10:18)
• Invitation: Reflect on over-functioning and the cost of self-abandonment in the pursuit of mission.
• Offers to talk with any listener for whom this resonates.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Nonprofit Burnout:
  • “I was over-functioning as a virtue... burnout didn’t look like collapse, it looked like numbness.” (12:55)
• On Trauma in Leadership:
  • “If you yourself are dysregulated, you cannot build a regulated organization.” (18:45)
• On the Ayahuasca Experience:
  • “If on the other side of a little bit of discomfort, what you get is emotional freedom, I think it is well worth it.” (39:15)
• On Rebirthing:
  • “In that moment I felt this unconditional love for myself. No matter what I did or how many times I screwed up... there was nothing that was ever going to shake my love for myself.” (49:00)
• On Permission to Rest:
  • “I thought my job was to keep the hallway quiet. And it turns out my real work was learning that I was allowed to rest.” (1:08:15)
• On Wholeness:
  • “Listening to this when your current way of being is not working for you anymore. It’s about recognizing when being good replaces being whole.” (1:06:00)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:00] – Why Rhea shares her ayahuasca experience
• [08:00] – God's little hallway monitor metaphor and burnout
• [16:30] – The “over-functioning” trap in nonprofit culture
• [23:45] – Choosing a safe, structured retreat at Rythmia
• [29:30] – What actually happens during an ayahuasca ceremony
• [36:20] – The physical purging process explained
• [47:50] – Rebirthing experience: “I think I’m going through the birth canal”
• [49:00] – Feeling unconditional love for the first time
• [57:55] – The challenge for nonprofit leaders: “We ask people with the softest hearts to do the hardest work”
• [01:03:10] – Addressing misconceptions: cults, recreation, and challenge
• [01:10:18] – Final takeaway: “You don’t have to earn rest, joy or love through sacrifice.”

Tone & Style

Throughout, Rhea blends humor, vulnerability, and encouragement. The episode feels like a conversation with a wise, self-aware peer. She is honest about fears and doubts, but also warmly supportive, closing with a direct invitation for listeners to reach out and reflect together.

Recap

“Healing is not a detour from leadership, it’s part of it.”
— Rhea Wong (01:12:00)

Rhea’s journey with ayahuasca is less about endorsing a psychedelic, and more about modeling honest, courageous leadership by tending to one’s own wounds and needs. She invites nonprofit leaders to reconsider the heroic (but draining) scripts they may live by, to ask for help, and to remember that wholeness—not just service—is their birthright.