Bonus Episode: A Beautiful Gossip Ouroboros

Summary

Normal Gossip: Bonus Episode - "A Beautiful Gossip Ouroboros"

Release Date: July 16, 2025

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Introduction

In this special bonus episode of Normal Gossip, host Rachel Hampton welcomes back longtime collaborators Alex Sujong Laughlin and Patrick Redford to share and dissect a series of entertaining and bizarre gossip morsels submitted by listeners. As the show takes a brief hiatus between its eighth and ninth seasons, the trio dives into stories that range from awkward college experiences to mysterious neighborly accusations, all infused with their signature humor and camaraderie.

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First Gossip Morsel: The Wedding Lube Incident

Timestamp: 04:37 - 10:28

The first story centers around a listener's college experience with a roommate who had a long-term, long-distance boyfriend. Initially, everything seemed normal until the boyfriend's chronic snoring became intolerable. Rachel shares her amusement and sympathy as Alex and Patrick humorously critique the situation.

Notable Quotes:

• Patrick Redford (05:57): "As soon as I knew that sex wasn't an option, I became a bit of a dick."
• Rachel Hampton (08:10): "My jaw is agape at this moment."

The narrative takes an unexpected twist during the roommate's wedding, where her mother gifts the bride a stash of breath mints and individual packets of lube. The trio humorously imagines the guest's confusion and the bride's predicament in her wedding gown laden with unexpected items.

Key Discussion Points:

• The absurdity and humor in receiving lube and mints as wedding gifts.
• The dynamics of maintaining boundaries with roommates and their partners.
• The relatable discomfort of being in shared living spaces during college.

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Second Gossip Morsel: The Yeast Infection Conundrum

Timestamp: 25:36 - 32:36

The next tale involves a listener who, after undergoing knee replacement surgery, experiences persistent itching and burning sensations. Mistakenly attributing the symptoms to a yeast infection, she repeatedly self-treats until she discovers the true culprit: her mother's laundry practices.

Notable Quotes:

• Rachel Hampton (28:52): "I actually do love it."
• Patrick Redford (31:04): "A one for 30 trade. You're coming out ahead."

Key Discussion Points:

• The unintended consequences of well-meaning parental actions.
• The importance of questioning repeated ailments and seeking accurate diagnoses.
• The humorous yet frustrating realization of being "poisoned" by laundry detergent.

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Third Gossip Morsel: The Mysterious Trash Thief

Timestamp: 32:36 - 44:40

This story narrates a suspicious encounter where a listener is accused of stealing a neighbor's trash, despite no evidence or previous incidents. The confusion escalates when the supposed victim turns out to have no female resident in the apartment, leading to eerie speculations about supernatural involvement.

Notable Quotes:

• Alex Sujong Laughlin (36:34): "That's such a long time to be in that kind of misery."
• Patrick Redford (39:01): "Poisoned is such a nice euphemism for what's happening here."

Key Discussion Points:

• The paranoia and fear stemming from thin walls and close living quarters.
• The humorous debate on whether the incident involves a ghost or a more mundane neighbor.
• The dramatic twist of the neighbor not actually existing, adding a layer of mystery.

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Announcements: New Podcasts on the Horizon

Timestamp: 44:40 - 64:05

Transitioning from listener stories, Rachel and her guests announce the upcoming launches of two new podcasts:

1. "Try Hard" by Alex Sujong Laughlin: Inspired by the classic MTV Made series, this show focuses on individuals attempting to master new skills, embracing failures, and overcoming personal fears.

   Notable Quotes:

   • Alex Sujong Laughlin (16:05): "One of the guests...had long hair, cut it short with purple streaks."
   • Rachel Hampton (19:27): "No one gives a single fuck about what you're doing in your life."

2. "Only If You Get Caught" by Patrick Redford: Delving into cheating scandals across various competitive fields, this podcast examines the underlying reasons, power dynamics, and consequences of rule-breaking.

   Notable Quotes:

   • Patrick Redford (47:49): "If you want to unlock your grindset, I would recommend listening to this."
   • Alex Sujong Laughlin (63:55): "A beautiful gossip Ouroboros."

The discussions highlight the hosts' enthusiasm and the thematic connections between their projects, emphasizing personal growth and the intricacies of human behavior.

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Fourth Gossip Morsel: The University Fraud

Timestamp: 32:36 - 63:45

The final gossip morsel recounts a listener's revelation about her ex-boyfriend, Pete, who fabricated his university attendance for a decade. Initially charming and convincing, Pete's deceit was only unveiled years later when he admitted in a blog that he had dropped out, revealing that he had been lying throughout their relationship.

Notable Quotes:

• Alex Sujong Laughlin (56:20): "I think he's dropping out for other reasons."
• Patrick Redford (60:03): "It's an endorsement of our education system because you can get the funniest outcomes."

Key Discussion Points:

• The complexities of trust and deception in relationships.
• The lengths individuals might go to maintain a facade.
• The humorous yet tragic implications of maintaining such a long-term lie.

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Conclusion

In this bonus episode, Normal Gossip successfully entertains its audience with a blend of outrageous listener stories and insightful discussions among the hosts. From college dorm antics to mysterious neighborly accusations, each gossip morsel offers a unique glimpse into the stranger-than-fiction moments of everyday life. Additionally, the exciting announcements of new podcasts promise to keep listeners engaged and eagerly anticipating future content.

Final Quotes:

• Rachel Hampton (64:05): "Thank you for listening to Normal Gossip. If you have a gossip story to share with us, email [e-mail]."
• Alex Sujong Laughlin (63:55): "A beautiful gossip Ouroboros. We're just trying to create more stories for all of you."

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Stay Connected

For those eager to share their own bizarre and humorous stories, Normal Gossip encourages listeners to submit their gossip via email or voicemail. Plus, with the launch of "Try Hard" and "Only If You Get Caught," there's plenty more intriguing content to look forward to in the next season.

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Produced by Se'era Spragley Ricks and Jae Towle Vieira. Created by Kelsey McKinney and Alex Sujong Laughlin. Show art by Tara Jacoby.

Transcript

[Caitlin Prest]

Before we start, we want to recommend a beautiful season of the Heart from fellow radiotopian Caitlin Prest, who's known for exploring big questions, creating cinematic love stories from a feminist perspective. Caitlyn revisits no, a series produced on the eve of the Harvey Weinstein scandals about a topic that was supposed to be treated differently forevermore. In the series, we follow the story of a young girl navigating love, sex, and the word no and all of the men in her life she tried to say no to.

[Unknown]

Do you want to start?

[Rachel Hampton]

Start? Me?

[Patrick Redford]

Yeah.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I mean, well, what were you thinking?

[Rachel Hampton]

That you should start. Why don't you lay down?

[Patrick Redford]

She kind of like, no, no. Like, just kind of like a whisper. I don't know, like, kind of keeping it sexy, but, like, saying like, no.

[Unknown]

The way that you're touching me makes me feel.

[Patrick Redford]

As soon as I knew that sex wasn't an option, I became a bit of a dick.

[Rachel Hampton]

Later, I'm gonna have to tell you that I don'.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Have sex with you.

[Patrick Redford]

I mean, I thought that what she wanted was the same thing as what I wanted.

[Rachel Hampton]

Do you know what I mean?

[Patrick Redford]

And you know, when it wasn't that way, I felt like I was trying to make it that way.

[Caitlin Prest]

Caitlin addresses this difficult topic in a way that ends up being heartwarming, soul crushing, and funny at the same time. Check out the no series on the heart everywhere. You get podcasts.

[Rachel Hampton]

Hello, and welcome back to Normal Gossip. I'm your host, Rachel Hampton, and in each episode of this show, we are going to bring you an anonymous morsel of gossip from the real world. And this episode, we have got extra delectable little treats. In case you are new around here. Let me very quickly explain. We are still on our break between season eight, which just wrapped in June, and season nine, which will premiere in the fall. But we are benevolent bitches over here at Normal Gossip. And to keep y' all tied over between seasons, we have got a couple of bonus episodes planned over the next few months. Just to reiterate, this is a bonus episode, not a regular season episode. So the format is a little bit different still. It'll be familiar to y' all who are subscribed as friends or friends of friends. Every month, even between seasons, we release a subscriber exclusive episode. Sometimes it is a chat about the secret lies of Mormon wives or the spirit of Christmas. And sometimes we just open our inbox and share a handful of gospel morsels that I haven't even heard. And that is what we will be doing today. However, I have heard through the grapevine that today's selection of Gospel Immortals includes some super exclusive news that we hear. Our Normal Gossip are the first to break. You've got to stick around to find out what it is. Now, like any good gossip knows, gossip is best when shared. So today I've invited not one, but two of my comrades from defector.com to experience this gossip with me. Dowager Joaquin of Normal Gossip and Defector, supervising producer Alex Dujong Laughlin is here with me today. Welcome back to the show, Alex. Woo.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

It is. It is so good to be back. And I totally know how to talk on Mike.

[Rachel Hampton]

I know you do. And we're also blessed with the presence of Patrick Redford. You may remember him from our Family Mealworms episode in season four or from our subscriber episode we did back in February when he answered all of your questions about love. Welcome back, Patrick.

[Patrick Redford]

Hello. Thank you for having me. Excited to be back. I also know how to talk into a mic because I was taught by Alex and several people in this room. So we're all good to go.

[Rachel Hampton]

I'm clapping like Alandria from Love Island Season 7. Are y' all ready? Is there any kind of gossip you're hoping to hear today?

[Patrick Redford]

I mean, I know who Alandria is, so I'm. I'm feeling extremely ready.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, my God. Wow.

[Patrick Redford]

Yeah, I'm locked in.

[Rachel Hampton]

I love that. I love that. Maybe we'll have a Love island roundtable at some point. But before we do that, let's hear some gossip. Let's hear this first morsel. We have been informed by our producer, J. Toviera, that this selection today is going in some interesting directions. So I'm a little bit scared, and I'm very excited. Let's hop in.

[Unknown]

So I went to a small women's college, and I was in the honors dorm, and I did not choose my roommate. So my roommate and I were kind of, like, randomly put together. And relevantly, we were both Catholics, so we were both Catholic people. And so, like, we get through, like, the first, like, week or so of college, we're getting to know each other, and there's one day that, like, I get home to, like, my room, and my roommate is, like, having a little breakdown, and she's crying in the room, and I go up to her and I'm like, what's wrong? What's happening? And she's like, oh, I just really miss my boyfriend. And he goes to school two hours away. A few months later, it's like, October. We have Some kind of, like, big fall event, like a formal. And I finally get to meet her boyfriend. Now, at this point, I know that I don't have to worry about my roommate hooking up while he's there. So he's gonna stay the night after this formal, and he's just going to sleep in her bed with her. I'm going to stay in the room with them, and it's not a big deal.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Cool.

[Unknown]

Awesome. Except that I learned that he snores worse than any human who has ever breathed air. The next day, I'm like, look, come over whenever you want. You're a good time. But if you come and stay the night, I'm going to just have to sleep somewhere else. Like, this is not tenable. A few months later, he comes over again. It's like, maybe January, and he stays for the weekend. And at this point, I make plans to just spend the night with a mutual friend of ours. Well, that's when things start to go wrong, because dad comes to see her, and they go out for lunch, whatever. We're all cramming. We're in, like, the common area. And then comes back in tears. He took her to a Chipotle and told her that if this ever happened again, where her boyfriend stayed over and there was no one there, like, in the room with them at night, they would stop financially supporting her at college. So we, like, calmed her down and, like, were mad about it with her for a while, and we were like, okay, we're never telling your parents anything again. I'm like, I will be your alibi going forward. I'm still not sleeping in the same room as him, but I will be your alibi. So fast forward a long time. They start hooking up, and it's fine, and the world does not burn down. And they stay together all through college. They stay together. When he applies to grad school, they stay together. When Covid starts and he proposes. We're at their wedding. We are all lined up to get ready to walk down the aisle, and my roommate is in the back room having a moment to prepare in her wedding dress, like, beautiful. And then her mom walks in. And then her mom goes, here are some things I wish that I had had on my wedding night, so I'm going to give them to you. And then hands her a bunch of breath mints and several individual packets of.

[Rachel Hampton]

Lub.

[Unknown]

And then leaves to go get in position to walk down the aisle. And my roommate is standing in the big Catholic church in a beautiful ball gown with handfuls of Breath mints in lube.

[Patrick Redford]

Just imagining the crinkling sound as, like, the organ is playing in the background. It's just like the. As she, like, puts the lube in a bag or something.

[Rachel Hampton]

My jaw is agape at this moment. That was a wild ride from beginning to end. A. My favorite thing about doing these segments is hearing the backgrounds of what our listeners are doing while they send us voice memos. I'm like, wow, turn your turn signal on.

[Patrick Redford]

Let me hear it standing on the highway.

[Rachel Hampton]

Exactly, exactly. Respectfully. So respectfully. I actually do love it.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Whoa.

[Rachel Hampton]

What a wild ride from beginning to end. The being sure that they're not gonna hook up while you're there is such not an experience that I had in college. So I'm glad that you knew that you, her roommate and her boyfriend were, like, keeping enough space for God in between them. I have a lot of questions about the individual packets of lube. Like, where did you obtain those? Have they been obtained over a long period of time?

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Just collected from, like, gas station bathrooms one at a time?

[Rachel Hampton]

Yeah.

[Patrick Redford]

What decade did they expire during that?

[Rachel Hampton]

Exactly. Are they actually still able to be. Also, I love handing it over without any explanation. It's like, here's what I wish I knew on my wedding night. Anyway, here's some breath mints and lube. And it's like, that doesn't explain anything more about what's gonna happen tonight.

[Patrick Redford]

So supposed to use them together. Like, are you supposed to make sure the breath mints are, like, nice and slid up?

[Rachel Hampton]

That mint's gonna end up somewhere. It shouldn't if you don't explain it properly.

[Patrick Redford]

My favorite detail of this is obviously the chipotle bit. And I like imagining that the dad is like, now I can accept hooking up, but I draw the line at snoring because that was followed directly by that detail. So I like. I like just imagining that. It's like, you know, we raised you as a good Catholic. Like, you got to have someone with, like, clear nasal passageways as. As. Like, you're doing this over a burrito bowl or something.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

As someone of deviated septum experience, I have so much pity for this man who is a loud snorer. And, you know, I do think that that wasn't necessarily a pertinent detail to the story. I just think we should interrogate what we're laughing at and why.

[Rachel Hampton]

You know, I mean, I feel like it connects beautifully to our love island discussion, because the thing I think about the most is the fact that at any given time, you are sharing one single room with between nine to 20 other people. I hope this man has discovered mouth tape or has. What's the little machine called when you have sleep apnea where you might as a cpap? Yeah, like the. Sometimes when you snore like that, it means you're like on the verge of dying. So I hope that he's okay. I mean, I do love how long this friendship lasted. I don't know if y' all are friends with your freshman roommates. I'm not.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

I don't think I even saw her again after we moved out. Like, we didn't even hug. She was a random roommate and she had this long term long distance boyfriend. And midway through the year she started cheating on her boyfriend and we had bunk beds.

[Patrick Redford]

Which one were you on?

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Top.

[Patrick Redford]

Okay, that's better.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Is it because I'm trapped.

[Patrick Redford]

Yeah.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

And I could hear it. So I had to hear her cheating on her boyfriend and then I had to hear her crying on the phone to him. So saying that she wasn't cheating on him. It was a nightmare.

[Patrick Redford]

Oh, that's tough.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Yeah.

[Patrick Redford]

And you have to be like, can you move this clothes off the bottom step of the bunk? I don't want to slip. That's rough.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Yeah.

[Patrick Redford]

I lived in a triple my freshman year. One roommate, the one closest to the door, I never saw like his knees. I would say he appeared to do all of his activities, including sleeping in jeans. Just like hard pants, denim under the comforter. That was rough. The other one. Wait, was.

[Rachel Hampton]

Hold on, pause, hold up. Denim under the comforter?

[Patrick Redford]

Yeah, like bottom sheet, denim top sheet.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh my God. That's a crime against the Lord.

[Patrick Redford]

I. You know, we don't do. Don't do stereotypes in the show, But I will just mention this is maybe not correlated. He was like one of the best, like computer science, electrical engineering students.

[Rachel Hampton]

And you know what we do do stereotyping on this show. And that is exactly what I expect from a computer science student to be wearing jeans at any given the least breathable fabric possible. Like what is going what? The smell under there must have been horrendous.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Oh, you know, he wasn't changing.

[Rachel Hampton]

What date did you go to school in?

[Patrick Redford]

I went to school in California. It was definitely an environment that smelled crazy. Which. The other roommate, he was one of the tallest people I've ever been in contact with. He was really. He's a rower. Big guy. He loved to. He appeared to not be aware that they had invented the technology called headphones where you can listen to sound personally. So he would watch anime, usually the Yu Gi oh series on full volume. But that wasn't. That wasn't his greatest sin. He wouldn't laugh. He would just say, that's so funny, like, hundreds and hundreds of times as I'm trying to do my homework.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

That's so funny.

[Rachel Hampton]

Y' all are making me feel like my freshman roommate was not actually that bad.

[Patrick Redford]

Are you still friends with them?

[Rachel Hampton]

No. But she did apologize in our junior senior year for being a bad roommate. So I feel like I cannot really talk shit about her because she reformed. But I will say one time she did throw up in her bed and then like, yeah, go to fall asleep with it. And I have a fear of vomit because I vomited twice in my life. Once quite recently. It was not great. I was scarred.

[Patrick Redford]

Wait, twice in your life? The normal person encounters a vomiting style scenario. I would say, conservatively, every two years or so. And you're older than four, so what's going on there? Are you just built different? Are you constructed unprecedentedly?

[Rachel Hampton]

I am built different. Well, I would say that my stomach tends to the other end is more well used.

[Patrick Redford]

Well used?

[Rachel Hampton]

Yeah. I don't vomit that often. I get food poisoning maybe once every five years so far. And then, yeah, I vomited for the first time as an adult at, like, 22, and I didn't know what was happening to me. I was like, why am I so sweaty? Why do I feel insane right now? And then I threw up and I was like, well, it had to happen at some point.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Yeah, the worst.

[Rachel Hampton]

This is going really far from where we started the story out. I feel like it might be time to move on to the next bit of gossip.

[Patrick Redford]

Thank you. Good.

[Rachel Hampton]

Hosting next.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Okay. I heard that Alex is actually on the show right now to announce a new podcast that she is hosting and producing. The show is called Try Hard and on it. She works with people to try doing the things that they always wanted to do, whether that's like a cartwheel or learning how to play a song on the piano. So I think it's going to be really fun.

[Rachel Hampton]

Wait, I don't know about that one. That voice sounded really familiar to me. Am I going crazy? Have you been keeping a secret from us, Alex?

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

I have been keeping a wee little secret for the last several months. Yes.

[Unknown]

Tee hee hee.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

I've been working on this show. When we handed off normal gossip to you and Sierra, people were asking all the time, like, what's next? What are your plans? And we kept being like, I don't know, smiley face. I Did know.

[Rachel Hampton]

And it was this.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

It was Try Hard. I was working on Try Hard. I am really obsessed with the TV show MTV Made. MTV Made was a show where there was a kid, usually, like, a nerdy kid in a high school, and they would be like, I want to be a rapper. I want to be a breakdancer. I want to learn how to skateboard. And then they get paired with a coach, and they learn how to do it, and then it culminates in them, like, performing this new skill in front of their whole school and likely their crush, and, like, killing it every time. And, like, I always cried watching this show. I loved it so much. And I also famously love taking on hobbies. I'm, like, always knitting or, like, learning a new craft. In the last year, I took voice lessons, and I also was in a play. People are always like, oh, I could never do that. Or. Or when I tell them about a thing I'm doing, they'll say, oh, you know, I've always wanted to do X. I've always wanted to try this thing. And I was thinking about it, and I thought, like, most people have a thing that is, like, if they had more time or, you know, if they just admitted it to themselves that they wanted to do this, that they would, like, try a thing.

[Rachel Hampton]

Alex, I'm curious to know because your show premieres on July 28th. You've already been in development for it for a few months. You've recorded a ton of episodes. What do you feel like you've learned about trying hard that you were surprised to learn?

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

One of the guests I had a conversation with talked about a time in her life when she made a really big change, and it kind of catalyzed a lot of other changes for her. And the change was she cut her hair. She had really long hair, and she cut it short, and she put purple streaks in her hair. Before she did it, she was like, oh, my God, this is going to rock the world. Everyone's gonna turn and look at me and be like, who's. Like, what did she do? She's not allowed to do that. And then she did it, and she walked into work, and everyone was like, cool. And I think, like, that is an encapsulation of what a lot of these experiences have. Have been. Like, where they sound like they are going to be, like, cataclysmic. Rock your world. Change everything to the person doing it. And in some ways, it can be like, pushing yourself to do a scary thing is scary, whether it's like, a big scary thing. Or a small, scary thing. But from the outside, it's like, oh, that's cool. That person's trying a new thing, and that's all it is. And so I think, like, the fear that people have that they're going to be judged or, you know, that people will have something to say about, you know, them looking stupid is just. It's very unfounded because people are truly not paying attention.

[Rachel Hampton]

That is one of the most freeing things to realize, is no one gives a single fuck about what you're doing in your life. It's absolutely incredible. It's like most people's reactions to you are entirely their own personal shit happening. And you are free to vibe, and it's beautiful. Part of trying hard is failing. So are you looking for any stories of, you know, failure that has been instructive?

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Totally. Yeah. I. I have told every guest as we embark on our journey together, I've been like, it can be so tempting for this to feel like a triumphant narrative where you are going to try to do this thing and you face obstacles and you jump over them and you come out on top. And I told every single one of them, like, if you fail or if it turns out you hate doing this thing, I want to hear about that, too. Because the success isn't the point of what we're doing. The success is a bonus. The point of the show is to get to that moment of you're standing outside a door and your stomach is in your butt and you're like, oh, my God, I can't believe I'm about to do this. Oh, my God, I should just go home. And then you push through it like, that's what the show's about.

[Patrick Redford]

It's about the moment before you do the skateboard recital in front of your crush.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

The whole school. Yes.

[Patrick Redford]

That's great.

[Rachel Hampton]

It's the knees week. Arm spaghetti moment.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Truly. Yeah. Mom's spaghetti. Vomit on your sweater already.

[Patrick Redford]

There's that word again.

[Unknown]

Sorry.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yeah, I'm sorry. For people who have vomit phobia. Well, that was a beautiful piece of gossip. Please look in your feeds wherever you get your podcast on July 28th for the premiere of Try Hard.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

And the trailer is live today, so you can go ahead and subscribe right now.

[Rachel Hampton]

Go do that right now. We're actually about to take an ad break, so go do that while you listen to the ads. Thank you. Thank you. I recently read this study that the human brain may contain as much as a spoon's worth of microplastics. It said that concentrations of microplastics in the human brain rose by roughly 50% between 2016 and 2024. That, along with the fact that we are all apparently eating a credit card's worth of plastic a week, has made me think about ways to reduce the microplastics in my life. Which is why I've made the switch to Blueland. Across all the cleaning products around my house, their products meet the highest standard of clean. They're effective yet gentle on my family and the planet. And Blueland was also named an EPA Safer Choice Partner of the Year. From cleaning sprays and toilet bowl cleaner to dishwasher and laundry detergent tablets, Blueland's formulas are 100% microplastic free, made with certified clean ingredients free from chlorine, bleach and harsh chemicals that are safe to use around my pets and my plants. I love not having to choose between the safe option and what actually gets my house clean. Besides the fact that Blueland is EPA Safer Choice certified, they're also a b cor, which is one of my favorite things about them. I love all Blueland products but their toilet tablets. I know I keep saying this, but they have made cleaning my toilet and absolute pleasure. I low key look forward to doing it now. It's like a little bath bomb for your toilet. Blueland has a special offer just for listeners right now. Get 15% off your first order by going to blueland.com gossip. You don't want to miss this blueland.com gossip for 15% off. That's blueland.com gossip to get 15% off. Did you know there's an online cannabis company that ships federally legal THC right to your door? And they found a way to combine THC with carefully selected functional ingredients to target nearly every mood and health concern you can think of. I'm talking about Mood.com's incredible line of functional gummies and you can get 20% off your first order at Mood.com with promo code GOSSIP. Forget the one size fits all supplements that just get you high. Mood's functional gummies are optimized to kick in in as little as 15 minutes and take you to the mood that you're looking for. Whether that's mind magic gummies for deep work and creativity, PMS support to ease cramps and balance mood swings, or there's sexual euphoria gummies to help you feel ready for action and turn every touch into a full body experience. Listen, you can find gummies to just get you high pretty much anywhere these days, but Mood's Functional Gummies Combine premium federally legal THC with targeted botanicals to help you get into the perfect mood, usually in as little as 15 minutes. And everything ships discreetly right to your door. No dispensary lines, no awkward conversations, just better days and nights delivered to your doorstep. Best of all, not only is every Mood product backed by a 100 day satisfaction guarantee, but as I mentioned, listeners get 20% off their first order with code Gossip. So head to mood.com, find the functional gummy that matches exactly what you're looking for, and let Mood help you discover your perfect mood. And don't forget to use promo code Gossip when you check out to save 20% on your first order. Okay, next morsel.

[Unknown]

Last year I got my knee replaced. And because I live alone, my mother came out to take care of me for the first couple weeks while I actually learned how to walk again. When she left, she left me with about a month's worth of frozen meals and all my laundry cleaned. Because my laundry is in the basement and I don't have a railing on my stairs to the basement. And trying to go down those stairs with a fresh knee is unlikely to be a good idea, period. A few days after my mother left, I started to feel uncomfortable down below. There was some itching, there was a little bit of a burning. It just wasn't great. So I thought, ah, crap, I got a yeast infection. So I treated myself and I thought it got better and two days afterwards it started coming back again. I'm like, crap, what the heck is going on here, right? So I tried a yeast infection again. Two days later it's back. I go to the freaking emerging care, they test for urinary tract infection, which I do not have, and she gives me yet a third treatment for a yeast infection. And you can tell damn well that the doctor's opinion of me is that I'm a complete idiot.

Right?

Doesn't work. Burning, itching, Very, very uncomfortable. One night, I'm desperate and I'm on Google and I'm trying to figure out reasons for this to happen, and I read this could be caused by an allergy to laundry detergent. And I think, oh, my mother did my laundry. I always double rinse my laundry. My mother, who is very concerned about water conservation, did not. So I took all my underwear, threw it in a bucket full of water, and I rinsed them four times over before I wore another pair and everything cleared right up.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Oh my God.

[Patrick Redford]

Poisoned by your mother. Very, very Freudian story we have here.

[Rachel Hampton]

They fuck you up, Your mom And.

[Patrick Redford]

D, you know, in extremely creative ways, apparently.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, my God. My God. I mean, the thing is, I'm gonna be slightly on the side of this caller in mother because she was trying to conserve water. And that is a noble, noble cause, I will say. I think everyone should stop using extremely scented deodorant. I go to a laundromat, and sometimes I see the amount of laundry detergent people put in their clothes, and I'm like, you know, the soap's not coming out, right? Like, you know, you just have, like, soap all over your body right now. Like, what are we doing right now? It does not need to smell like a bouquet of flowers when you take it out the dryer. It should smell like clothes. Clean clothes.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Yeah.

[Rachel Hampton]

But not freesia. Like, what's going on here?

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

I've never heard of double rinsing your laundry.

[Rachel Hampton]

I didn't even know you could do that. Is that, like, a function on the machine?

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

I don't know.

[Patrick Redford]

An apparently important one. The knee replacement element of it, too. Just, like, you have to just kind of sit there while this is happening. That's not great.

[Rachel Hampton]

I don't know what it's like to have a knee replacement. I do have bad knees. But I'm just imagining washing your clothes in a bucket full of water while you have a fresh knee replacement, and that feels not fun. That feels arduous.

[Patrick Redford]

Yeah, the phrase fresh knee that came up in this, that, like, made me kind of shiver.

[Rachel Hampton]

Well, you don't want a fresh knee.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

I kind of want a fresh knee.

[Rachel Hampton]

I don't know. I want fresh knee.

[Patrick Redford]

This person would be a good try hard guest, because I feel like you probably have to learn how to, like, I mean, like she said, you have to learn how to walk again and stuff. Like, my dad had his knee rebuilt, and that sounds not great, so. And he wasn't even poisoned by his mother while this was happening. Like, presumably. I don't know.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

God, poisoned is such a nice euphemism for what's happening here.

[Patrick Redford]

That's an appropriate word in this context, right? It feels.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Yeah. The stakes are just so high for not doing a thing that I didn't even know you could do.

[Patrick Redford]

Yeah. This is, I mean, a potent metaphor, too, for how I imagine parenting works where just like, this seemingly innocent, tossed off thing can have, like, ramifications. Decades. I guess this isn't decades, but you know what I mean.

[Rachel Hampton]

Months later. Do you think that leaving our caller in with a month of frozen meals outweighs accidentally poisoning her? Cause I kind of do, yeah.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

I do.

[Patrick Redford]

That's a worthwhile trait.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Yeah. Especially if it's your mommy's food. Like, that's exactly.

[Rachel Hampton]

If I had a month, like a freezer full of meals from my mother right now, my life would be different.

[Patrick Redford]

What's the worst disease you would voluntarily take on in exchange for a mercury frozen? Home cooked meals.

[Rachel Hampton]

You know what? Food poisoning. I'd throw up for that. You would? Yeah. 100%.

[Patrick Redford]

A one for 30 trade. You're coming out ahead.

[Rachel Hampton]

Exactly. The thing I did learn about throwing up is that once it's over, it's over. Like, you kind of feel immediately better. Yeah.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

That's the great thing about throwing up.

[Patrick Redford]

It's crazy. This is the theme of the show.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

I know.

[Rachel Hampton]

I'm so sorry. Wow. I also love self gossip. I love the freeness of being like, I thought I had a yeast infection for three weeks and turns out my mother just gently poisoned me.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Oh, that's such a long time to be in that kind of misery.

[Rachel Hampton]

Okay. Also that, like, let's talk about that for a second. The yeast infection UTI symptoms, Our collar in did a good job of just being like, it was uncomfortable. It's one of those things that drives you slowly insane. You're just like, this is the worst thing that could happen to me. And that happens regularly and could happen regularly. I think of people in the past who probably were just constantly walking around with. With recurrent yeast infections and UTIs, and I'm like, no wonder all of you died at 40. I would also want to be done with life.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Yeah. She was brave. She was so brave.

[Rachel Hampton]

So brave.

[Patrick Redford]

Yeah. The concept of conserving water probably didn't exist in the old days because the concept of like fresh drinking water hadn't really been invented yet.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, they were drinking beer to stay safe.

[Patrick Redford]

Yeah.

[Rachel Hampton]

Wow. Thank you. Thank you so much for this gossip. I will be double rinsing my clothes from now on. Okay, next.

[Unknown]

In the fall of 2014, I found this apartment, which now would be totally unaffordable to a grad student. Nice clean one bedroom apartment. Nothing fancy. Two story apartment building, maybe 14 units or so. And one of the downsides of it was that it was clear that the walls were quite thin. My neighbor's door was right next to mine. So if you go up the stairs, you turn right, you're facing my door. But if you had face straight, you would be right at their door. And because again, everything is thin. If, say, somebody is trying to open their door, like open their screen door, it sounds very much like they're opening my screen door. So I was kind of put on edge by that quite a few times when I first moved in, but eventually got used to it. Not a big deal. I talked my landlord into letting me have a cat. Around mid October, I get quite sick. And I'm sick for multiple days, and I'm throwing up, I'm not eating, I have a fever, all the works. And so then when I'm starting to finally feel better and I finally have an appetite, I'm like, oh, my God, I need a pizza. So I order a pizza. The pizza delivery person calls me. I open my door to kind of wave them up. And as I'm opening my door, my neighbor's door also opens. And I said, oh, sorry, you know, it's just me. And she looks right at me, and she says, I know you have been stealing my trash. And I have photo graphic evidence and shot shuts the door. And, you know, I get my pizza and I get back into my apartment, and I just burst into tears and I'm calling my friends. I don't know what's happening. I mean, obviously I haven't done anything to this trash, but, like, what could possibly be going on? And here is the story that I kind of come up with for myself, because I have this cat. I am going out to the trash every day with little baggies of poop from the litter. And so maybe what's happening is that she sees me kind of around the trash bins, but without a big trash bag of my own. Also, I'm thinking, like, what would the photographic evidence be? Like, pictures of me with a trash bag. What could. Like, so. But I'm still creeped out. And so when the end of the month rolls around, so it's October 31st, it's Halloween. I go down to my landlord's apartment to give him the November rent check, and we chat a little bit. And I say, I had this really weird interaction with the woman in apartment 12. And I just wondering, has anyone else had weird interactions with her? And I was like, oh, that apartment doesn't have a female resident. It's just like those two tall guys who live there. And I moved out of that place two months later.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Wait, that's it.

[Rachel Hampton]

What the fuck? Wait. What the fuck? Okay, we have from beginning to end a. How do we continue the vomit trend without. What the hell? What the helly? That's a B. Why would you get a pizza after being sick?

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

That is a wild move.

[Rachel Hampton]

That's a crazy decision.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Oh, my God.

[Rachel Hampton]

But you're in grad school, so you know what you have the constitution of, I'm assuming a 20 something, so go with God on that one. Third, why would you steal someone's trash? Also, why would you care if someone stole your trash?

[Patrick Redford]

Why would you steal a ghost's trash?

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Why would a ghost care if you stole their trash?

[Patrick Redford]

Why does a ghost have trash?

[Rachel Hampton]

If someone stole my trash, I'd simply say, you know what? My trash is your treasure. There you go. 4. Ghost. Ghost. Is it a ghost or is it someone they're hooking up with who decided to terrorize the next door neighbor? What's going on here?

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Oh, my God.

[Patrick Redford]

Well, okay. We also have to consider the Halloween of it all.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh.

[Patrick Redford]

I believe tends to be a sort of period of time when the spectral veil between worlds is a little thinner.

[Rachel Hampton]

That is so true.

[Patrick Redford]

An alternate explanation that I was thinking of is like, maybe the landlord was fucking with her.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Patrick Redford]

The third thing is the thin walls were mentioned and never came back up again. And I was thinking like, this is gonna be part of the story, so presumably you would know who your neighbors are, right?

[Rachel Hampton]

Yeah. Especially your next door neighbors.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Yeah. Your doors are so close.

[Rachel Hampton]

I thought the neighbor was gonna be like, I've heard you vomiting. Why did you get a pizza?

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

That's a reason.

[Patrick Redford]

She's knocking on the door with some advice.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yeah, just be like the baby girl. Get some bananas, some rice, some applesauce and toast.

[Patrick Redford]

This is a rich text. I mean, I feel like the concept of stealing trash is a really. That one is. I feel like, mostly used in sort of like spy novels and stuff where like you're staking out someone's apartment, you want to like get the financial records or whatever and you like grab their trash. Presumably this person is not like studying spycraft at this grad school style university.

[Rachel Hampton]

I mean, who knows what was happening in 2014.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Also, this is 2014 pre ring camera. So the photographic evidence must be someone standing with camera.

[Rachel Hampton]

Exactly.

[Patrick Redford]

Yeah.

[Rachel Hampton]

Taking photos of you. I also would like to know, as someone who has a cat, I do scoop the litter box every day. I don't take it outside every day. Why didn't you just throw the little baggies in your trash bag?

[Patrick Redford]

Does it not smell crazy?

[Rachel Hampton]

Well, if you have a plastic bag, you shouldn't be able to smell anything.

[Patrick Redford]

Yeah, fair enough.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Twist it up. Tie it up.

[Rachel Hampton]

Exactly. Get nice and tight. I have a lot of questions and I don't actually know if our caller and can answer them.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Yeah, I choose to believe ghost. We are always asking for gossip stories with ghosts in them. And we have one.

[Rachel Hampton]

I do, actually. I think I agree with you, Alex. I think that's the only logical conclusion here. Like, I think it's a malevolent spirit.

[Patrick Redford]

Yeah, a trickster.

[Rachel Hampton]

Exactly.

[Patrick Redford]

They died in a trash stealing style incident and. And are sort of like perennially seeking revenge on those who. Those who go through their garbage.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

The photographic evidence is like the cameras.

[Rachel Hampton]

That you have to throw the.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

The thing over and stay still for like an hour.

[Patrick Redford]

Yeah, it's like a daguerreotype on a silver plate.

[Rachel Hampton]

Exactly.

[Patrick Redford]

Victorian racing type.

[Rachel Hampton]

That is crazy. Crazy. I do want to say that I really empathize with the listener crying immediately after this interaction because that is also exactly how I would respond to someone being like, I. I see you stealing my trash. Huge news. Our dowager queen Kelsey McKinney wrote a new York Times bestselling book of beautiful essays about gossip. It's called you'd didn't hear this from me. Mostly true notes on gossip, and I am obsessed. It's about how we use gossip to learn about ourselves. It's about Britney Spears and West Elm, Caleb and Gilgamesh and Picasso. It's so fun. And not to be biased, but I kind of think it's pretty excellent. It's out right now in hardback and a super sexy audiobook, which Kelsey narrates. You can buy wherever you buy your books. You can Also go to KelseyMcKenneyBook.com to see all retailers. This episode of Normal Gossip is brought to you by Graza. It is that time of the year. Whether you are grilling on the deck or chilling at the beach, Graza is your one and only summertime never blended single origin olive oil. I love Graza for many reasons, but mostly because it has made one of my favorite summer meals even better than it already is. I'm gonna share this recipe with y'. All. All right, so it's arugula, lemon juice, olive oil, Graza, obviously, the drizzle specifically because it has that delicious punchy flavor. You're gonna add that to some freshly cooked pasta. I love bow tie, half a can of tuna, cherry tomatoes. You're gonna toss that all together, top it with a shit ton of parm. You're gonna toast some breadcrumbs with the frizzle olive oil because it has that high smoke point so you don't have to worry about burning your breadcrumbs. And you're gonna take those breadcrumbs, just sprinkle them over your salad, and you're gonna Have a beautiful, perfect meal. It is light for the summer, it keeps you full, it has a lot of protein, and it is a perfect plate to showcase the beauty of Graza olive oil. So if you want to try this recipe, head to Graza Co and use gossip to get 10% off the trio, which includes sizzle, frizzle, and drizzle. And get to cooking your next chef quality meal. Every summer, I have this urge to completely redo my closet. And it's not just because, you know, my jean shorts fit a bit tighter than they did last summer. I just feel like, who was I last summer? I don't know. But I don't want to wear her clothes anymore. That's where quints comes in. Their clothes are timeless, feel luxurious, look elevated, and the quality is way beyond what you'd expect for the price. It's the kind of wardrobe upgrade that just clicks. They have 100% European linen tops starting at $30, washable silk dresses and skirts and soft cotton sweaters. They're versatile, warm weather pieces you'll reach for again and again. And quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I recently pre ordered this fit and flare dress that's made out of tinsel jersey. I am so excited to receive it. I just know that I'm gonna wear it all the time. Not least because it has pockets. Yes, it has pockets. I truly think I'm gonna wear it to the park. I'm gonna wear it to dinner. I'm just gonna wear it around my house when I want to feel cute. Give your summer closet an upgrade with quints. Go to quince.comgossip for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That is Q U I N C E.comgossip to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.comgossip wow. You know what? Jay was right. We are a real range of gossip.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

We're going on.

[Patrick Redford]

And yes, that's a strong central theme.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yeah, a strong central theme of vomit.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Well curated.

[Rachel Hampton]

And we didn't even know. I just brought that up casually. Let's see if the next one has anything to do with vomit.

[Patrick Redford]

Okay, so there's a. There's a rumor going around, which I know is the purview of this show, about another podcast, which is definitely the purview of this show, according to my sources. And I have this. I had this from some pretty reliable people. There's going to be a new show on Radiotopia called Only if you Get Caught, which is going to be about cheating scandals, breaking the rules, all of which is like sort of normal gossip adjacent, which is going to be hosted by Patrick Redford and according to my sources, Alex Sujong Laughlin is going to be producing the show. So I think that's going to be pretty fun. I hope people are into that.

[Rachel Hampton]

Wait, whoa. Am I hallucinating again? That sounds so familiar. Patrick, are you Defectors new podcast? It Girl?

[Patrick Redford]

It's true. It's true. I got the sure M7 mic, I'm writing scripts. We talked to someone who taught me how to speak Good on the mic as hopefully you can hear. Yeah, it's true. Another podcast is coming at some point in the fall. It's very exciting. We've been working on it for literal years until Alex helped get it into shape somewhat recently. Yeah, and we're very, very excited. As I said, it's about sort of cheating scandals and breaking the rules, which as I guess listeners to this show and readers of our site would know is like something that I've like chronicled fairly closely and taken like a pretty deep interest in forever. The thesis of the show is basically that you can learn the most about any sort of like competitive framework or system or setup through its cheating scandals. Like those provide the cleanest, the vertical slice of like what actually matters, who has power, what the dynamics are. And so these, these episodes aren't just like annotated Wikipedia entries. We have like good guess. We have, I think, interesting insights and I'm super excited for you guys all to hear it.

[Rachel Hampton]

I'm so excited. Can you give us an example of what kind of cheating scandals you are covering? Like, am I gonna hear about the gerbil and chess?

[Patrick Redford]

You are gonna hear about the chess thing. I mean, yeah, like that's the listeners of this show tying. Cause I've obviously covered the Magnus and Hans alleged butt cheating which we get into in the episode.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

And if those words mean nothing to you, welcome. Get ready.

[Patrick Redford]

Former season one guests of Normal Gossip, Emma and Claire come on to talk about the Bachelor and we sort of get into the legal fiction of the right reasons, which obviously, you know, Love Island's on the brain. Very relevant right now. We have some sports stuff, some non sports stuff. Yeah, I'm really excited to bring it to you guys.

[Rachel Hampton]

I'm so excited to listen. I have to know after thinking about this for so long, are you pro cheating or anti cheating?

[Patrick Redford]

See, that's an interesting question because I one worry I had when writing all the scripts is like these are all kind of coming off as, like, pro cheating, which is not exactly pro cheating, but I think. I think the kind of popular understanding of, like, people who break the rules and, like, cheat in sports or whatever doesn't really, like, take into account their side of the story. Like, they. There's not that much inquiry into, like, why people would break the rules, which I find to be the most interesting sort of question to answer. And so we do come down as, like, broadly pro cheating in some of the episodes, but then other ones are, like, okay, this is actually bad. And I think you have to, like, make sure you frame, like, what the consequences are, what the stakes are. Who's, like, the arbiter of the rules. Like, we have one about the WNBA and, like, salary cap circumvention where the owners were actually cheating against each other to pay the players more, more. And, like, that's a weird sort of cheating scandal. Like, the people coming out ahead are, like, not the ones actually breaking the rules. And, like, we talked to my three and on the ramen about that, and there's some, like, really interesting dynamics to get into.

[Rachel Hampton]

So what I'm hearing, and I will be saying to promote this podcast, is that it is a podcast about how cheating is actually good.

[Patrick Redford]

Yeah. If you want to get ahead, if you want to actually succeed in this. This is, like, for the young money hustlers out there for, you know, the Dubai grind set types. Like, we're trying to give you tips to maximize your stack, to really make 2025 and 2026 and presumably all the other ones after that your year. If you want to learn how to do crypto scams or bank fraud against the elderly. Just. Just kidding. This is not. My editor is saying. This is not financial advice. This is a parody. But, you know, if you do want to unlock your grindset, I would recommend listening to this, actually, to all three of our shows. Right.

[Rachel Hampton]

Really incredible. And when does it premiere? Wait, can people listen?

[Patrick Redford]

It should be out in mid October. We are in negotiations on a final date right now, but we are pretty deep in production, so.

[Rachel Hampton]

Wow, a beautiful fall vibe. Thank you so much. I'm so excited for these new shows. This is the best gossip I could possibly be a conduit for.

[Patrick Redford]

Hell yeah. Try hard out July 28th.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

You know what it is, and only if you get caught in October. And we will not shut up about either of them. So you will not be able to forget.

[Rachel Hampton]

And you won't be able to forget when you listen to normal gossip, because you will certainly be hearing more about them over the course of the next few bonus episodes. But before those come up, we do have one last piece of gossip to hear. Are y' all ready?

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Yes.

[Patrick Redford]

Oh, yeah.

[Unknown]

So this story starts in my second year of university, and I am an avid member of the Musical Theatre Society. And a new boy starts. I'm gonna call him Pete. He is a very rare thing on the Musical Theatre Society, which is a really handsome, really tall, straight boy. Competition among the thousands of girls is obviously rife, but somehow it's me and Pete, we hit it up, and it's honestly delightful. Okay. He studies ancient history, which is interesting. He's from a ridiculously virtual family. So in our third year, we are trying to go to our first meeting, which is in a university building, and his classroom work. He says it's something to do with his parents paying the fees. We continue to do, like, lots of lovely, cuddly things, like we go down to London to watch a musical, and we spend one night with his sister, and his sister says, what are you gonna do While Pete is at the interview? And I say, oh, what? What? What's going on? And turns out he's told his sister that he's down to have an interview for an internship at a huge banking firm over the summer and does a full practice interview, like, with seamlessly answering all the questions for an internship in finance. And I then have to lie and say, oh, yeah, I'll just sit in a cafe and read while he's doing it, knowing in my head fully well that I will be watching a matinee of Matilda with this boy. And I say, that was really weird, what happened there. And also, why didn't you tell me that I was gonna have to lie? Like I'd lie for you? He's very apologetic. It's fine. We watch the show. We have a lovely time. All good. All good. We graduate the next year, and, you know, the cracks sort of start to show in our relationship. We break up, and it's around this time that I start to go a little bit childie from It's Always Sunny, but start to put together some of the pieces, you know? So I Google because I'm like, I never. I never saw him graduate. He told me he'd go out at first, and this was a boy who'd loved to post on Facebook about things, and he hadn't mentioned anywhere that he'd got a first or anything about his degree. I moved to London, and then he moved to London a couple of years after me. And then he happens to Walk into a bar where I'm working and we, you know, we have a nice chat, we catch up. It's all very, very cheery, very pleasant. And at the end of it, I think, well, this has gone quite well. I'll just say it, I'll just, I'll just ask him. And I say, you know, did you go to uni? Were you ever there? And he looks so hurt and says, I can't believe you'd think that of me. And then I, you know, and then I do feel quite bad for thinking of him. And we have a little, a little romantic fun for old times sake. And, you know, then he goes on his way and that's the last time that I, that I ever saw him, spoke to him. But a couple of weeks ago now, one of my other friends calls me, she says she's got some use. And she tells me that he's. Now he's written a little blog. In that blog, he says, university is not right for everyone. Which is why I dropped out. And he'd proceeded to lie about it for the next 10 years, including one year where I was dating him. I saw him every single day, pretty much. I was with his friends, we were in shows together at uni. We were in the Union bar. He was pretending to go to exams, he was pretending to go to lectures. He told me what he was writing his dissertation on. He told me about the Roman battle styles that he was writing a full dissertation on and he just wasn't going to. Unique.

[Rachel Hampton]

Is that the end? Whoa.

[Patrick Redford]

That'S a rich text.

[Rachel Hampton]

And it is. That is a rich text. I mean, on one hand, I am always impressed with people who can keep up a lie like that. And not in a casual way, but in a way where you have figured out your dissertation topic and are talking about Roman battle styles. Low key. At that point I'm like, why didn't you just finish it? Sounds like you easily could have. Yeah.

[Patrick Redford]

How rich is this guy? Like, is, is, is.

[Rachel Hampton]

I forgot that part. He's rich.

[Patrick Redford]

Just like, were his parents in on this scheme or was he just like living this totally subsidized lifestyle? And maybe there's, there's like a sad element to this. Like he, he's gonna inherit some like in titan of industry style position. But he's like, what I really want is to live among the common people. And so he's like, daddy, I want to cosplay like a Roman history. And father is like, as long as you come work with me at HBO's industry after this.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

You know, honestly, as soon as I heard he's very rich, I was like, this man's a pathological liar. I don't think he's actually rich. I think that's the twist here.

[Rachel Hampton]

You think he's lying about his money as well?

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Yeah, I do.

[Patrick Redford]

Damn.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Which makes the story very sad because then I think he's dropping out for other reasons.

[Rachel Hampton]

But also, they seem to be in the UK or Australia maybe. I don't know. I don't understand. I'm not gonna say I'm great at accents. Isn't university free there?

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Oh, I don't know.

[Patrick Redford]

Yeah, it's usually. I mean, our college system is the only one that forces you to go into crazy ass debt to complete it, so. So I assume. I mean, this sounds like a London accent to me. That is. There are so many good details in here. Matilda.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yes. Matinee, specifically.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Matinee and Matilda.

[Patrick Redford]

We also heard exactly what this person's walk up sounds like getting into their house. Details.

[Rachel Hampton]

I love. Again, I love whenever I can hear people doing their little tasks because I'm like a. When did you decide to record this voice note? Because you had to have known you were gonna be entering your home in the three minutes that you were gonna be recording this voice note. And you hit the door open and I'm like, yes, girl, walk into your house.

[Patrick Redford]

Another detail is that this Pete character was pretending to do exams. And I wonder if like that involved actually going into the classrooms, being given like a sheet of paper and actually taking the test and literally, I don't know, maybe not turning it in or.

[Rachel Hampton]

Whatever fully in the student play without being a student there. Yes. How is this possible?

[Patrick Redford]

This has to have been for the love of the game.

[Rachel Hampton]

I agree. Cause again, it sounds like he is smart. She said he did this whole fake interview for a financial internship that sounded entirely real. So it's not like he's just saying things that don't make sense.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Yeah.

[Rachel Hampton]

And then he started a blog 10 years later. Can we see the blog? Can we have a link to the blog? I want to see the blog.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Can we have him on? Only if you get caught.

[Patrick Redford]

Yeah, I was going to say that's who I need to talk to.

[Rachel Hampton]

Can we? But also, he outed himself. He didn't even really get caught.

[Patrick Redford]

This is a good segue because one of the episodes we have is about the Varsity Blues college cheating scandal.

[Rachel Hampton]

My favorite cheating scandal.

[Patrick Redford]

Which is like among the sort of interesting structural reads on the general scam of higher education. The funniest shit of all time is when parents got like this, like very, you know, janky version of Photoshop and would like Photoshop. They're like unathletic kid on like a water polo player's body. Or like they would buy water polo gear online and then like conduct a photo shoot. And to have the cheating college scandal guy be like, you aren't supposed to stand on the bottom of the pool when you play water polo.

[Rachel Hampton]

I love the Photoshop photos of kids doing sports they very clearly didn't play. Because so much of, I feel like justification for Varsity Blues was people being like, well, they didn't know what their parents were doing. And I'm like, I was dumb at the age of 17, but I certainly was not dumb enough to not put together why my parents were forcing me to put on a uniform for a sport I didn't play and then later receiving a scholarship for that sport I didn't play.

[Patrick Redford]

That's, that's one of the other funniest elements too is like the kids like go to USC or whatever and then like tell all their friends, like, I'm not on the tennis team. I don't know what you're talking about. And then the, the school gets wind of that and they contact the parents and they're like, your kid doesn't seem to understand that they're here on like a scholarship. Like, what's going on with that? Just bless their, bless their little hearts. You wouldn't have to do this. You wouldn't have to do this in a country like the uk.

[Rachel Hampton]

That is so true. Exactly.

[Patrick Redford]

Which is an endorsement of our education system because you can get the funniest outcomes.

[Rachel Hampton]

So I mean, I don't know, being in a student play for shits and gigs is like a pretty funny outcome.

[Patrick Redford]

Yeah.

[Rachel Hampton]

Just to get girls.

[Patrick Redford]

I mean, it sounds like the hundreds were flocking to see this damn Pete. I mean, shout out to him.

[Rachel Hampton]

Have you seen theater girls around? The one straight guy in theater, It's a bloodbath. It's the Hunger Games. There are cannons being shot like every few hours.

[Patrick Redford]

Wait, Alex, you said in this EP that you were recently in a play.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

I was.

[Patrick Redford]

Presumably not with college age students, but was there any interesting goths around the play there?

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Well, you know, there were three sets of parents and children in this play. Oh, like one was like a 13 year old and their mom and then there was like an almost 30 year old and her dad and then the director's parents were also in the play. And so that was fascinating to see. Like you Know, a lot of them hadn't acted together before, and so, like, they were seeing their parents in these new lights and these new contexts. But it was also funny to see, like, you know, them snap at each other in a, like, parent and child kind of way that they would never do to another member of the cast. And that was great.

[Patrick Redford]

That sounds. Yeah, that sounds fun, honestly. Sort of like wholesome, interesting fun. And also, you get to see which parents would be the ones to accidentally poison their children with laundry detergent style maneuvers.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

And there were two straight men in the cast.

[Patrick Redford]

Respect.

[Rachel Hampton]

Wow.

[Patrick Redford]

Shout out to those guys. Yeah, they're trying hard.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

They sure are.

[Rachel Hampton]

And they are. They are. For some reason, this voice memo reminded me of Saltburn. Like, it feels like a version of Saltburn.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Yes. Like some talented Mr. Ripley shit.

[Rachel Hampton]

Exactly. Exactly. Except he didn't use it to get that far ahead, seemingly.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

No, he could have.

[Rachel Hampton]

He's still writing a blog 10 years later.

[Patrick Redford]

See, that's like. That is the sort of scammer that I'm down with. Like, someone who just does it for the love of the game. Like, he's not out here putting up numbers to, like, steal anyone's money or anything. He just wants to hang. And, like, maybe he really was into ancient history. Like, that's cool, man.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

And actually into theater. You can't fake being into musical theater.

[Rachel Hampton]

That is so true. Seemingly he was talented enough to be in this play. I'm like, you don't have to lie to hang out. You can just hang out.

[Patrick Redford]

This is almost like a ratatouille situation. He gets to live this life. He's like. He's like, sort of structurally incapable of living, except, I guess instead of being a mouse, it's like he has presumably millions of pounds in his bank account.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yeah.

[Patrick Redford]

So I'm less sympathetic, but still very funny.

[Rachel Hampton]

I did enjoy that our caller in was like, we met up a few years later and had a night of romantic fun. Pop off, queen.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Love it.

[Rachel Hampton]

Pop off, queen. I will say, if you ever ask someone a question and they answer with, I can't believe you asked me that, then they want to, like, whatever the worst possible answer to your question is, that is the right one. Like, yeah.

[Patrick Redford]

If someone says that, you sit up in your chair.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yeah. And you say, why can't you believe I asked you that?

[Patrick Redford]

What did you mean by that?

[Rachel Hampton]

Sounds like you're lying. This is the key to scamming. You'll learn how to cheat from this show, from Patrick's new show, and maybe how to recover from your cheating scandal by learning to be a better person. By listening to Try hard.

[Patrick Redford]

Yeah. And then you can tell Rachel all about it. What we've set up here is like a perfect. Not quite like a pyramid scheme, but more like an Ouroboros. Yeah, exactly.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

A beautiful gossip Ouroboros. We're just trying to create more stories for all of you.

[Rachel Hampton]

I love that forever. Thank y' all so much for joining me.

[Alex Sujong Laughlin]

Thank you for having us.

[Patrick Redford]

Yeah, thank you for having us. This is so fun.

[Rachel Hampton]

Thank you for listening to Normal Gossip. If you have a gossip story for to share with us, email [e-mail] we are starting to work on season 9 so if you want to hear your gossip for season nine, you only got a few weeks left, send it to us. You can also leave us a voicemail at 2679 GOSSIP. If you love this podcast and want to support us, become a friend or a friend of a [e-mail] youm can follow the show on Instagram and TikTok. Normal Gossip. You can follow me on all social media. Aydenay H E Y Y D N A E this podcast was produced by Sierra Spragley Ricks and Jtol Vieira. The co creators and dowager queens of Normal Gossip are Alex Sujong Laughlin and Kelsey McKinney. Justin Ellis is Defectors projects editor. Jasper Wang and Sean Kuhn are Defectors business guys. Alex Sujong Loughlin is defective Supervising producer Tom Ley and our editor in chief Dan McQuaid runs our merch store which you can find at normalgossip store. Tara Jacoby designed our show Art. Thank you to the rest of the Defector staff. Defector Media is a collectively owned subscriber based media company. Normal Gossip is a proud member of Radiotopia. I am your host Rachel Hampton and remember you did not hear this from me.

[Patrick Redford]

Radiotopia.

[Rachel Hampton]

From PRX.