Charcuterie Board of Gossip with Rachelle Hampton

Summary

Podcast Summary: Normal Gossip - Episode "Charcuterie Board of Gossip with Rachelle Hampton"

Overview

In the September 25, 2024 episode titled "Charcuterie Board of Gossip with Rachelle Hampton," Normal Gossip hosts Kelsey McKinney and guest Rachel Hampton delve into updates on intriguing stories from previous episodes. This bonus episode serves as a delightful recap, offering listeners new insights and developments in the lives of the strangers whose tales were previously shared. The dynamic between Kelsey and Rachel brings warmth and humor, making the updates both engaging and entertaining.

---

1. Welcoming Rachelle Hampton

[01:45] Kelsey McKinney:
“Hello and welcome to a bonus episode of Normal Gossip, the podcast where we bring you an anonymous morsel of gossip from the real world. Today is a special day because we've got some updates to stories from past episodes and we're gonna tell you when the new season is premiering.”

Rachel Hampton joins Kelsey, bringing her familiarity as a recurring guest and the podcast's "best friend." Their camaraderie sets a friendly tone for the episode.

---

2. Updates on Past Episodes

a. Season 2, Episode 3: "Squirrel Enthusiast"

Original Story Recap: The episode featured the Plato family, particularly Plato Jason, who was accused of hunting squirrels and causing disturbances at a hippie preschool.

Update Highlights:

• Parental Feedback Overload:
  [10:16] Kelsey McKinney:
  “At the end of the school year, the hippie dippy preschool sent out a call for feedback to the parents. This was, like, an anonymous survey... The Plato family copy and pasted their responses, and they sent out their responses and their thoughts to the entire parent listserv.”

• Concerns Over Homemade Play-Doh:
  [14:00] Kelsey McKinney:
  “I can accept that my homemade Play DOH was not accepted for the auction fundraiser last fall, but it took a week for my playdough to be returned and it wasn't at the school...”

• Conspiracy Theories and HOA Drama:
  [15:24] Rachel Hampton:
  “Also a level of interest and time. And if there's anything I know that teachers don't have enough of.”
  They discuss the irrational belief that the school was conspiring against Plato Jason.

• Resolution with Delaney:
  [24:16] Rachel Hampton:
  “Yeah, that's just smart. If you're gonna have an outdoor cat, the cat should have a Collar.”

Notable Quote: [10:10] Rachel Hampton:
"How hard is it to make play DOH at home? How much of a precious item is this?"

---

b. Season 1, Episode Finale: "Spot the Scammer" (Bird Lamp Episode)

Original Story Recap: The story revolved around the mysterious disappearance of a bird lamp and family tensions regarding who was responsible.

Update Highlights:

• Jenny and Evelyn's Reunion in Los Angeles:
  [33:07] Rachel Hampton:
  “I know her well... I think about the bird lamp. I think at least three times a year.”

• Sophie and Evelyn's Rekindled Friendship:
  [36:25] Kelsey McKinney:
  “And you can, you know, in many of her posts, you can see the bird lamp in the background.”
  Sophie attempts to reconnect with Evelyn, leading to a reflective discussion on maintaining healthy friendships.

Notable Quote: [35:39] Kelsey McKinney:
"You can decide, you know what? I deserve happiness."

---

c. Season 4, Episode 6: "Vigilante Renovation"

Original Story Recap: The episode featured Luke and his friend Max dealing with suspicions that their friend Nikki might actually be their landlord, leading to tensions and uncertainty.

Update Highlights:

• Nikki's Continued Ambiguity:
  [56:35] Rachel Hampton:
  “Not denying is confirming in this case.”
  Luke remains unsure whether Nikki is indeed his landlord, leading to ongoing personal conflict.

• Luke's New Duplex and Potential Future with Nikki:
  [56:43] Rachel Hampton:
  “Love that for him.”
  Despite uncertainties, Luke purchases his own duplex, hinting at possible future interactions with Nikki.

Notable Quote: [58:45] Rachel Hampton:
"Unfortunately, sometimes we just have to exist in a state of uncertainty."

---

3. Reflections on Friendships and Community Dynamics

Throughout the episode, Kelsey and Rachel explore deeper themes related to friendships, trust, and community interactions:

• The Nature of Male Friendships:
  [53:00] Rachel Hampton:
  “There is a way that men bond, irrespective of their friends. Politics, general outlook on life, status, the way they treat women...”
  They discuss the strengths and gaps in male friendships, emphasizing the balance between camaraderie and emotional connection.

• Navigating HOA and Community Challenges:
  [22:00] Kelsey McKinney:
  “Instead of doing a neighborhood watch, the HOA decides that they're going to hire a private security company to do random drive-bys at night.”
  The conversation highlights the complexities and often counterproductive measures taken by homeowner associations.

• Maintaining Healthy Relationships:
  [55:32] Rachel Hampton:
  “I think this story is a lesson that I personally hate to learn.”
  The hosts emphasize the importance of reevaluating and sometimes ending toxic friendships for personal well-being.

---

4. Conclusion and Future Teasers

As the episode wraps up, Kelsey and Rachel express their gratitude to Rachel for her contributions and tease the upcoming Season 7, set to premiere on October 9th with ten new episodes. They encourage listeners to continue sharing gossip stories and remain engaged with the Normal Gossip community.

Final Notable Quote: [60:18] Kelsey McKinney:
"I'm gonna go get a fucking hot dog."

---

Key Takeaways:

• Ongoing Narratives: The episode effectively bridges past stories with their present developments, keeping long-time listeners engaged and informed.

• Humor and Depth: Kelsey and Rachel balance humorous banter with thoughtful discussions on interpersonal relationships and community dynamics.

• Engagement Encouragement: The hosts invite listeners to participate by sharing their own stories, fostering a sense of community and involvement.

---

Conclusion

"Charcuterie Board of Gossip with Rachelle Hampton" serves as a flavorful assortment of updates and reflections, maintaining the podcast's signature blend of humor and real-world intrigue. Whether you're a seasoned listener or new to Normal Gossip, this episode offers a comprehensive and entertaining look into the ongoing lives of the podcast's anonymous subjects.

Transcript

[Alex]

Hey there, it's Alex. You may have heard at the end of our episodes, the phrase Normal Gossip is a proud member of Radiotopia, but maybe you don't know what that means. The media industry is kind of garbage right now, and it is harder than ever for independent creatives to own their own work, get paid for their work, and to make a living off of their work. Radiotopia is trying to make that possible for more independent creators. They're really great partners for us and we have been so happy to work with them. Every year, Radiotopia does a fundraising drive, and right now we have a goal of reaching 2024 donors, and maybe one of them is you. Your donations in the fall fundraiser go into marketing, ad sales, technology, and it also makes it possible to bring on new shows in the future. So maybe your next favorite podcast is just around the corner. If you are a Normal Gossip or Defector subscriber, that is different. If you donate during the fall fundraiser, you'll get a link to a curated list of all Radiotopia producers favorite things. As a token of thanks, I included something in there. You will never guess what it is. If you're listening to this episode right now, you are already supporting the work of Normal Gossip, Defector Media and Radiotopia. But if you want to take that one step further, donate to the Radiotopia Fall FundRaiser, visit Radiotopia FM, donate to learn more and add your name to the list of awesome listeners who support independent podcasts. Thanks.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Hello and welcome to a bonus episode of Normal Gossip, the podcast where we bring you an anonymous morsel of gossip from the real world. Today is a special day because we've got some updates to stories from past episodes and we're gonna tell you when the new season is premiering. I am so excited to have with me today as a special guest, Rachel Hampton. Hello, Rachel.

[Rachel Hampton]

Hello, Kelsey. I'm so excited to be here.

[Kelsey McKinney]

I'm so excited you're here. I'm gonna remind the listeners who you are in case they forgot. If you have listened to this podcast for a while, you may remember Rachel from seeing season one's episode about the knitting circle called Can I say Something Bitchy? Rachel also holds a distinct honor in that she is our podcast's best friend. She was the first guest for our first ever Live show in 2022 in New York at Caveat Tiny little show where we were just trying to figure out if we could do it on stage. And she was our guest for the Seattle show. Excitingly, Rachel with today's podcast you will tie Britney loose for most appearances on the feed with two.

[Rachel Hampton]

Wow. It's such an honor to be here. It's an honor to even be nominated for this award of showing up and forcing you to hang out with me the most times.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yeah. How does it feel to be the podcast best friend?

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, truly deep in my soul. I just feel warm and fuzzy. It makes me feel so nice. I'm like, everyone wants to be the best friend of normal gossip.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Rachel has joined Defector full time. So now we are colleagues and co [e-mail] Rachel, how are you feeling about that?

[Rachel Hampton]

I feel like we kind of pulled a scam. I can't believe we get to work together so often. We're just slacking each other and it's like we're normally texting each other, but now we're doing it on company time. It's incredible.

[Kelsey McKinney]

It's excellent. And you have been helping us with this next season. How do you think that the next season is going?

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, so well? It's so cool seeing behind the scenes. I love to provide both editorial and emotional support, and that's what it feels like I'm doing right now.

[Kelsey McKinney]

That's so true. You're here to guide us into the future, which is so beautiful.

[Rachel Hampton]

As a Pisces, that's all I ever want to do. I just want to be there for people, keep them warm and fuzzy, remind them that they have feelings. Remind them that it's okay to cry.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yeah. I think it's a little stressful for me as an earth sign because you and Alex are both water signs. And so now there is a lot of feeling happening. And while I respect and love feeling, I also fear it.

[Rachel Hampton]

The thing is, the feeling is always there, whether you say it or not. So we're just saying what's there. Whereas earth signs are just like, I don't see it. I pretend it doesn't exist. It is subterranean. It is magma beneath the earth's core. And water signs are like, water's on the surface, babe. That's why we have lakes.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Have you considered shoving it down?

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, yeah. That's why we have geysers.

[Kelsey McKinney]

It's been so much fun having you here to work on this new season. I'm so excited about it. As of recording this, we've recorded, like, several episodes. The new season, season seven, if you can believe it, is gonna premiere on October 9th. Yay.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yay, a fall baby.

[Kelsey McKinney]

I know. A fall baby. It'll be 10 episodes. As always, it will drop on your feed on Wednesdays. At midnight Eastern.

[Rachel Hampton]

Also always.

[Kelsey McKinney]

So today's episode is just a little treat to tide you over until then.

[Rachel Hampton]

A little almond croissant of gossip.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yeah, if you're desperate for more, you know, if you're like, this episode just like, really isn't enough for me. I'm like dying on the inside. I need more gossip to live. You can always go to supportnormalgossip.com and get all of our monthly bonus episodes and our sexy new newsletter, which is very exciting and filled with links of things that Alex and I are buying.

[Rachel Hampton]

And also includes a little rant. There's one from yours truly. I thought I did pretty well. I ranted about people on the subway who. Not people who listen to music out loud, which I've just accepted as part of life in New York, but specifically people who listen to music out loud and don't pay for Spotify Premium either. Burn a cd, torrent some music.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Grow up in torrent.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yeah, grow up and do something illegal. Pisses me off.

[Kelsey McKinney]

See, this is the kind of hard hitting analysis you could get if you were subscribed to the newsletter. Thrilling.

[Rachel Hampton]

So true.

[Kelsey McKinney]

For today's special almond croissant bonus episode, we have a whole assortment of little treats for you. A charcuterie board of gossip snacks, you might say.

[Rachel Hampton]

Wow, I love the food puns we're continuing with.

[Kelsey McKinney]

So, you know, sometimes an episode ends and there's like not a nice tidy bow at the end of it because these are real stories from the real world and so we don't always get exactly what we want. We have followed up on some of the gossips from the past and because time continues forward, some of them have updates and new information.

[Rachel Hampton]

We.

[Kelsey McKinney]

I know. So for six of the episodes, I have updates for you, Rachel.

[Rachel Hampton]

I love this. It's like the digestif at the end of the meal. I'm, ooh, so excited to have a little bit of fancy liquor in a tiny cup.

[Kelsey McKinney]

A little amaro that comes out in a crystal glass.

[Rachel Hampton]

Ooh, exactly. I'm ready.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Okay, if you have not listened to all of the episodes before this one, this is your spoiler warning. If you choose to ignore it, do not email us. We will put all the links to the episodes we're talking about today in the show notes so that you can make sure that you've heard them. Or if you want to catch up on them before you listen to this one, you can go back. Warning complete. Rachel, are you ready?

[Rachel Hampton]

I've never been more ready for anything in my life.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Excellent. Normal gossip is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart choice. Make another smart choice with Auto Quote Explorer to compare rates from multiple car insurance companies all at once. Try [e-mail], progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy. The first episode we have an update on today is from season two. It's episode three. It was Tracy Clayton, and it was titled Squirrel enthusiast.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yes, I know this one.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Plato Jason and his family are going out of town for Christmas. And they're like, sandy and Alicia, can you please come feed our chickens while we're out of town?

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, no.

[Kelsey McKinney]

They, like, come after school, so they bring their daughter with them, and she, like, goes upstairs to her friend's room to play, right? While Alicia and Sandy put the trash cans out on the street. They call her downstairs to go, and on her little head is perched a clearly homemade hat made of a squirrel.

[Rachel Hampton]

What?

[Kelsey McKinney]

Oh, my God.

[Rachel Hampton]

Wait.

[Kelsey McKinney]

They took a photo of their daughter wearing the hat, and Groot shouted it to, like, all of the parents.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, my God.

[Kelsey McKinney]

For anyone who may have forgotten what this episode is about, quick recap. It's about a rivalry between parents at, like, a crunchy preschool with kids on the same soccer team. It's Scott and someone we called Plato Jason because his whole thing was that he donated Plato to the school fundraiser. And Scott has this whole irrational vendetta against Plato Jason because he thinks he's hunting squirrels. And it turns out he's right.

[Rachel Hampton]

Just beautiful. I feel like, importantly, the thing that I took from this story, besides the squirrel hat, was that the Play DOH was homemade.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yes.

[Rachel Hampton]

Which I'm not gonna lie. Hearing that you could make Play DOH at home, it kind of made me want to do it. I love those slime videos on TikTok so much. And I'm like, what if I made my own Play doh? Like, Play Doh. Googling.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Play doh Homemade recipe. How.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yes, exactly. Exactly.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Okay, here's the update I have for you. At the end of the school year, the hippie dippy preschool sent out a call for feedback to the parents. This was, like, an anonymous survey. You know, the kind that you would, like, take in Google surveys and be like, here's how I feel about the school, or whatever. But the Plato family copy and pasted their responses, and they sent out their responses and their thoughts to the entire parent listserv.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, do we have the email?

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yes. The thing is, I cannot read the whole email because in response to the prompt. Please share your honest thoughts about this year. The Plato family wrote 3,000 words.

[Rachel Hampton]

3,000 words.

[Kelsey McKinney]

3,000 words.

[Rachel Hampton]

I'm a professional writer, and the concept of writing 3,000 words is daunting. It's not an easy feat. It's not something that just happens on a random Monday. You go in thinking, I'm going to write 3,000 words. And I have to think about that. What did a hundred of these words say?

[Kelsey McKinney]

Okay, so I'm gonna give you, like, the top line points.

[Rachel Hampton]

Thank you.

[Kelsey McKinney]

That Plato Jason makes in this 3,000 word essay that he submits to the preschool.

[Rachel Hampton]

Jesus Christ. I forgot they were toddlers.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Okay, here's some of his ideas. His first idea is that, you know how in schools they have, like a little. They have little cubbies for the kids to put their stuff in so that all their stuff stays together. One of the Plato family's ideas is, what about cubbies for parents?

[Rachel Hampton]

What? Me shaking my head in absolute disgust. What do parents need to store at their children's schools?

[Kelsey McKinney]

Could not tell you. Also, a question I have is, if the child is part of your family, then couldn't you put stuff in their cubby?

[Rachel Hampton]

Exactly. How much more space do you need? And also, are you not driving your child to school? A car functions as a storage mechanism. You can put shit in there.

[Kelsey McKinney]

This is why I'm always complaining during the summer is that I'm like, my coat in a city is what people's car is to them in cities where you drive like, it has all my stuff in it and all my trash. And so when you take it away from me, I feel uncomfortable.

[Rachel Hampton]

It's so real. I just carry a giant bagu bag everywhere, and I don't know what's at the bottom of it. I wash it every two months, and I'm always just like, Jesus Christ, Rachel.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Oh, 17 cheez itself. Perfect.

[Rachel Hampton]

No, exactly. Oh, five wrappers from ginger candy because your stomach was hurting on the train.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Okay. The second point that the Plato family makes in this essay I think is kind of revealing of some other things. The second point is that they think that the signup sheets for parent teacher conferences should be posted, quote, without favoritism. They are mad because they feel that they always see the list last. And at this point, that cannot be a coincidence.

[Rachel Hampton]

So, you know, in the. In the. In the spirit of fairness, please, I would like to ask a question of. Is this signup sheet sent out to everyone at the same time?

[Devin]

Yes.

[Rachel Hampton]

Plato family, if you're seeing it last, there's this thing you can do on your phone where you set notifications for your emails to pop up on your screen. And you can even have sounds associated with that if you don't want to miss an email. So I would suggest doing that. They're asking for favoritism. They want to see the list first.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yes, they wish to have the best spot.

[Rachel Hampton]

Plato family.

[Kelsey McKinney]

I have one final thing that Plato Jason felt was important to provide feedback on in his 3,000 word essay. Do you have any guesses what this might be?

[Rachel Hampton]

I feel like because no one wanted his Plato, he's probably going to ask for some kind of system around donating things to the classroom and them not being able to reject it.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yeah, very good guess. I will quote from the essay. Here we go. I can accept that my homemade Play DOH was not accepted for the auction fundraiser last fall, but it took a week for my playdough to be returned and it wasn't at the school. Where was it? I do not think it would have been returned to me at all if I hadn't said something in the Facebook group.

[Rachel Hampton]

How hard is it to make play DOH at home? How much of a precious item is this? Can you not just make more? Why do you need a return to you also if it's gonna get auctioned off? You spiritually gave that up when you gave it away.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Also, I am like obsessed with the fact that these last two points are very like, conspiracy minded, where it's like the school is attacking me. There's a conspiracy amongst people at the school because they hate me. And it's like, well, honestly, yeah, maybe people do it hate you at the school. But to conspire against someone requires a level of interest in them that I think almost no one has at other parents in their school.

[Rachel Hampton]

Also a level of interest and time. And if there's anything I know that teachers don't have enough of.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Okay, the next episode that I have an update for you on is season three's premiere called Righteous Lesbian Energy with Samantha Irby.

[Rachel Hampton]

My fave. I love her newsletter so much. She does recaps of Judge Mathis. It makes me so happy.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Devin takes his usual Ambien to go to sleep. He wakes up in the middle of the night. He posts on the H3 Facebook group. Just wondering what the rules exactly are on hot tubs. I know Bernard has one, so I was wondering what size exactly we're allowed to have. And he hit send. Sweet, sweet Devin. This, as you can imagine, creates chaos. This is what, like, works the group up the most, right? They're like, not only does Bernard have a hot tub, which is against the rules, he is also feeding the stray cats, which is also against the rules. Like, two strikes, you're out. In the hoa, the group without Courtney or Devin impeach Bernard as HOA president.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, now I love this.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Okay, there's one more thing.

[Rachel Hampton]

Uh oh. This was a trap.

[Kelsey McKinney]

When Courtney was going on her little runs, she was taking a handful of catnip seeds and throwing them into Bernard's yard. That is why there were so many feral cats.

[Rachel Hampton]

Wow.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Do you remember this episode, Rachel?

[Rachel Hampton]

Of course I do. Of course I do. Of course I do. HOA drama. The reveal of the catnip seeds really just. You guys always satisfy me. No man has ever done that.

[Kelsey McKinney]

I knew we were meant to be together. At the end of the episode, we conclude with the knowledge that Bernard sells his house and moves away. Rachel, what do you hope happened here?

[Rachel Hampton]

Well, I hope that our couple got to build their Barbie dream home. Honestly, I really hope that the feral cat colony is okay and didn't just get, like, mass euthanized, because that would make me really sad. And I'm going to be honest, it would be a little bit iconic for Bernard to just come back.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yeah. So there are two things that I pretty uniformly say that you should avoid on this show, and they are HOAs and Facebook groups. And that's because HOAs and Facebook groups to us, are the gift that never stops giving. Right. It is constant drama all the time. So unsurprisingly, the update I have for you is more drama.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yes.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Devin and Courtney still live in this neighborhood. They got another dog to keep potato company. Both dogs are thriving.

[Hazel]

Yay.

[Kelsey McKinney]

As we know, Bernard moved away. Right. Goodbye, Bernard.

[Rachel Hampton]

Bye.

[Kelsey McKinney]

The cats in Bernard's yard did not quite move away.

[Rachel Hampton]

That's their house now.

[Kelsey McKinney]

It's their house now. And the person who actually moved into this house was like, no, no, no, no, no. We can't be having all these cats here. So this person wisely was like, I know what I'll do. I'll get rid of all of the catnip.

[Rachel Hampton]

Smart.

[Kelsey McKinney]

But the problem is, by the time that that happened, all of those cats had had, like, several litters of kittens. So, like, what started as, like, 12 cats became 24 cats, became more than 100 cats.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yeah, no, that happens really fast. They should have done, like, a TNR situation, which stands for trap, neuter, release. Thank you, not the New Republic. God damn it.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Okay, so this HOA is like, we have a problem here. Right. There are a hundred plus cats wandering around our neighborhood at all times. And because it's a hoa, what do they do? They call a meeting.

[Rachel Hampton]

Bitches love a meeting.

[Kelsey McKinney]

They love a meeting. And here we are going to meet a new character who did not appear in the original story. We're going to call her Delaney.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, okay.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Delaney is retired.

[Rachel Hampton]

Okay.

[Kelsey McKinney]

But she retired, like, pretty recently, so she's, like, super bored. So at the meeting where they're like, what are we going to do about all of these cats? Delaney is like, I am super bored and need a job. I will take control of this. Aw, yeah. She's like, I'll talk to animal control. I'll organize the tnr. I'll keep tabs on the cats. Like, okay, I'll do it.

[Rachel Hampton]

I like Delaney so far.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Okay. Everyone in the HOA also likes Delaney because they don't want to do this.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yeah, that's fair.

[Kelsey McKinney]

So they're like, perfect. Thank you, Delaney.

[Rachel Hampton]

Perfect.

[Kelsey McKinney]

You're hearing it more and more. So you feel good about this so far.

[Rachel Hampton]

But if I know anything about this show, it's that I should not rest in that feeling for too long.

[Kelsey McKinney]

So true. Over the next couple of weeks, things are getting worse in the neighborhood.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, no.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Devin and Courtney are getting messages, like, to the HOA listserv that are like, crime in the neighborhood, like, more and more frequently. Like, one night when a neighbor was home alone, his security camera started going off.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, no.

[Kelsey McKinney]

And it was dark. But he thought he saw someone crawling under his car.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, no. That's scary.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yes. He's like, somebody's gonna steal my catalytic converter. A classic fear. And so he, like, put a cage on it and got one of those, you know, things that gets in your steering wheel so you can't turn it.

[Rachel Hampton]

Ah, yes. As someone who doesn't drive, I do know what you're talking about.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Other neighbors, though, also were posting and being like, my backyard got broken into. My garden got all messed up. Like, bird houses are being knocked over.

[Rachel Hampton]

What?

[Kelsey McKinney]

Of course. What do you think the HOA is going to do about this?

[Rachel Hampton]

Call another f ing meeting.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Call another fucking meeting. So they call a meeting. The topic of this meeting is should we form a neighborhood watch?

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, God. I understand their utility in certain neighborhoods, but I'm going to be honest. A neighborhood with the HOA and a neighborhood watch is giving surveillance state.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yes. The other thing about a neighborhood watch is you don't need one if people simply sit outside.

[Rachel Hampton]

That's so true. Use your porches, keep an eye out.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Be on your porch. Support your neighbors. You don't need an organized neighborhood watch with little signs that say neighborhood Watch. Everyone knows that doesn't mean anything.

[Rachel Hampton]

No, exactly. It's like if you want to go on a little walk with your neighbors, do that. But don't make it under the guise of forming your own fucking militia. Police force.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yes. Instead of doing a neighborhood watch, the HOA decides that they're going to hire a private security company to do random drive bys at night.

[Rachel Hampton]

I don't like that.

[Kelsey McKinney]

I don't want likes. This. This is bad.

[Rachel Hampton]

Is that what my HOA fees are going towards?

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yes.

[Rachel Hampton]

If you have the money for a private security force, you don't have money to hire someone to come tnr these hundreds of fucking cats rather than having a recent retiree do it. What are. What is going on?

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yes, and the thing is, the private security company, Big surprise. Does not work.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yeah, of course they don't.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Are still getting broken into. Gardens are still getting fucked up. People are catching little glimpses on their surveillance state security cams of shadows in the night.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, this is not going to go well. I don't like when people are happy, hyper, vigilant.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Me neither. And then a beloved family pet is stolen. No.

[Rachel Hampton]

What kind of pet?

[Kelsey McKinney]

Thank you for asking. A cat.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, no, I think I know what's happening. I'm worried. I was on Delaney's side, but I'm worried. I think she got overzealous.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yeah. Yeah. See, the thing is, Delaney, the official community cat catcher, was taking her job so seriously. She's been like, setting traps all over the neighborhoods in the evening and collecting the cats before dawn to take them to the vet. She's been like, crawling under cars to get cats, breaking into yards to get cats. She's been up all night, night after night. Some might say she was getting a little loopy.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yeah, she's sleep deprived. Surround by cat perfumes, which literally make you go crazy.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yes. And she wasn't at the meeting where everyone was like, there's crime.

[Rachel Hampton]

Where was she at?

[Kelsey McKinney]

She was asleep. Oh, Delaney.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, my sweet, sweet girl. She just wants to help.

[Kelsey McKinney]

And in the end, you know, the thing is, she did help because, like, the beloved cat got returned to its family. Oh, good. A little startled, but fine.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yeah.

[Kelsey McKinney]

The HOA was like, delaney, my dude, you gotta chill.

[Rachel Hampton]

Okay?

[Kelsey McKinney]

Delaney and the HOA agreed to, like, the following terms. Which are? Like, pets must wear collars.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yeah, that's just smart. If you're gonna have an outdoor cat, the cat should have a Collar.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yes. Delaney cannot set up her traps on other people's property. Okay, yeah, that's valid only in, like, common spaces, but she can check them at night.

[Hazel]

Okay.

[Kelsey McKinney]

And in the end, this works. We were told by our friend of a friend that Delaney has definitely made a difference and that the cat population is under control. Aw.

[Rachel Hampton]

Okay. I'm still a fan of Delaney. She just got too invested. She's used to working her entire life. I'm sure the moment I stop working, something's gonna break in my brain.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yeah, you'll be so bl.

[Rachel Hampton]

And I'll become overzealous about, you know, keeping a cat colony under control.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yeah. The only other update I have for this story is that Courtney still has not told anyone that it was her who did the cat.

[Rachel Hampton]

She should never tell anybody. She should never tell anybody. That is a secret you take to the grave or that you tell to Kelsey McKinney.

[Kelsey McKinney]

I'm also just, like, I'm always begging people to play the long game, right? Like, I'm always trying to convince people to, like, hard launch a family of four. Like, never post your engagement, never post your wedding. Just, like, 10 years later and be like, merry Christmas from us.

[Rachel Hampton]

You're like, why don't people have secret families anymore?

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yeah.

[Rachel Hampton]

Bitches are losing recipes.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yeah. Create a secret family. But I'm like, you have a perfect opportunity here to stay in this HOA until you retire. And then when you leave, to be like, oh, by the way, it was me.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, yes. It's giving. Like Elena Tyrell in that one scene in Game of Thrones where she's like, I want Joffrey to know it was me. And it's like, pop off, queen.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Okay, the next update I have for you is from season two, episode four. It's called Short King of East Texas. And this was with Bobby Finger and Lindsay Weber. Lindsay. Bobby. To their fans. Craig has arrived at a problem we discussed earlier, which is. Huh. You know, I should probably Google this guy. Oh, God, are you kidding? No one's called him. He's Googling, right? And he's like, larry, orchid consultant, Orchid Consultants, Texas. He ends up on an orchid forum where people are vaguely referring to a Texas Larry. He clicks into this, and what he finds is that Larry is running a fraudulent orchid consulting firm. He is shipping out orchids that die on arrival from Hank's nursery. He does not actually understand what orchids really need to survive.

[Luke]

He's a plant scammer.

[Devin]

He's a plant scammer.

[Kelsey McKinney]

So Annie is like, dad, I know you don't believe that Larry is a scammer, but he stole Craig's money. And Hank is immediately mad, right? Like, he's like, well, I'm gonna talk to Larry about this right now. Annie's like, great, carry me to the guest house on the phone while you talk to Larry. I'd love to hear how this fucking goes. Larry is gone. It's gone. Yeah, yeah, it's gone. Larry has fled. That's an empty house.

[Rachel Hampton]

He split the scene. Oh, this story made me so sad because I really have a soft spot for dads. And maybe that's just being the daughter of a father. As a daughter of father, as a daughter of a father, there's just something about an older gentleman getting into a hobby and finding his passion and then being scammed. He just wanted friendship and orchids. I really did appreciate that the story ended on a happy note, but I was really sad for our king Hank.

[Kelsey McKinney]

I know. So this whole story is about a middle aged dad named Hank, who we love and we Stan, and who gets really into orchids. And the problem with getting really into any activity really fast is that this is exasperating for your family because they're like, before, you didn't know what an orchid was. Now you have a thriving orchid business, and Hank becomes best friends with an orchid consultant named Larry. And then Larry turns out to be a scammer and eventually ghosts Hank. So it's like, not only does he have to close his orchid business, he also loses someone he thought was a friend. I know, it's tragic.

[Rachel Hampton]

It really is.

[Kelsey McKinney]

It is. This story ended on, like, kind of a positive note, which is that Hank, because of all of his learning about orchids, knew how to grow specialty moss, which ended up helping his daughter Ellen's dollhouse furniture business. But still, still a tragic loss of friendship, truly.

[Rachel Hampton]

And the thing is, men don't have enough friends, especially as they get older. Also, just making new friends as you get older is so hard. I hope Larry gets his fucking comeuppance because he deserves it. And I hope Hank has found a new hobby, a new passion, because it's so sad that not only did he lose a friend and a business, but he also lost his love for orchids. I love plants. I would be so sad if someone took that away from me.

[Kelsey McKinney]

I know. Hank's children are also, like, on a road to vengeance, right? Like, the updates we have are that, like, every few months, his children have been googling Larry for years.

[Rachel Hampton]

Those are good kids.

[Kelsey McKinney]

They are like, we are vigilant we are gonna find this man and we are gonna watch him. And very recently, they found him. I know.

[Rachel Hampton]

Is he still scamming?

[Kelsey McKinney]

He's using a different last name.

[Rachel Hampton]

Of course he is.

[Kelsey McKinney]

It seems like he got married a few years ago and now he runs a llama ranch.

[Rachel Hampton]

A llama ranch.

[Kelsey McKinney]

And he has a website for selling orchids online.

[Rachel Hampton]

Still.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Still.

[Rachel Hampton]

What did the children do? Did they flood it? Did they tell the orchid forum?

[Kelsey McKinney]

The children told the orchid for him.

[Rachel Hampton]

Exactly.

[Kelsey McKinney]

And the orchid forum very quickly caught onto this, right? They were like, this is his third orchid website. Like, he does this thing every time where he, like, closes it down once he starts to get a bad reputation and just starts a new one.

[Rachel Hampton]

What is up with this man and orchid?

[Kelsey McKinney]

I don't know.

[Rachel Hampton]

Why would you choose something so hard to scam people over? Why don't you just grow weed?

[Kelsey McKinney]

I know. Because the orchid lovers are like a community, right? They're going like, Charlie and it's always sunny in Philadelphia mode. They have all their red string, right? They have a crazed cork in their eyes. They've been making all sorts of connections. They're like, using the Wayback Machine. They're pulling up the contents of his website. They're comparing the copy. They're like, oh, my God. All this copy is a exactly the same. Really makes you think.

[Rachel Hampton]

They're like, mama, let's research.

[Kelsey McKinney]

They're like, oh, my God. All of these companies have the same problems. Orchids dead on arrival, orchids never arrive, et cetera.

[Rachel Hampton]

I love this community.

[Kelsey McKinney]

But some people on, you know, the Google, like, reviews for this new company are posting like, Larry takes great care of my orchids. Larry found me the perfect orchid. The orchids Larry sent me were in great condition.

[Rachel Hampton]

It's giving fake. Anyone can write a Google review.

[Kelsey McKinney]

All of these accounts are brand new.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yep, Yep.

[Kelsey McKinney]

One of them went even further and was like, I'm a friend of Larry's. Larry takes care of many private collections in the area.

[Rachel Hampton]

Not private collections.

[Kelsey McKinney]

He also teaches ikebana seminars throughout the year. Thank you for asking. Ikebana is the Japanese art of flower arranging.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, wait, that sounds beautiful. I don't trust Larry to do that.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yeah. So upsettingly, the update on Larry is that he's still trying to scam. But luckily the orchid people, they are on it.

[Rachel Hampton]

What they need to do is conscript the K pop community into this. Because if there's anything the K pop community knows how to do, it's shut down a fucking website. Do you remember during the summer 2020 when the government was like, please send us all your videos of people at protest doing illegal things. And the K pop girlies were like, here's my fancam ho.

[Kelsey McKinney]

And the thing is, you know, the Orchid Forum community has, like, they feel like they've finally gotten to a place where, like, Larry is probably not going to be able to operate a full nursery ever again. Like, they have polluted his Google results to the point that, like, there's no way. So even though, like, this new orchid company is, like, in, quote, good standing with the state, whatever that means, they're like, good luck, Larry, because the Internet remembers everything.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yeah. You can't scam my man Hank like that. If you're gonna scam somebody, don't scam Hank. Scam a rich person.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yeah. Speaking of scams, the next episode I have an update for you on is the season finale of season one, which was with Claire Fallon and Emma Gray. It is Spot the Scammer, otherwise known as the bird lamp episode.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yep, I know her. I know her well.

[Kelsey McKinney]

So Jenny arrived back in Los Angeles with her precious bird lamp. Evelyn also moved to Los Angeles after graduation. And the last time Sophie was there, she saw both of them.

[Devin]

So Sophie has reconciled with Evelyn is what you're saying.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Our friend of a friend said, like, Sophie just, like, cannot be in a fight with anyone.

[Devin]

I sort of get it, but I think this might be, like, a bridge too far, even for me. Like, you ruined our collective trip. You made me think you were dead. You then, like, sent a cryptic voicemail and then ghosted me when I tried to figure out where you were, and you just flew home and. No.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Do you want to hear the final kicker?

[Devin]

There's more. Oh, my God.

[Hazel]

Yes.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Evelyn never planned the Cambodia leg. What?

[Hazel]

Oh, what did I say?

[Devin]

So that's the explanation scammer.

[Kelsey McKinney]

She was like, I'm just going to.

[Hazel]

Find a reason to dip before my leg.

[Devin]

Yeah, she. And she was laying the groundwork from moment one. She's like, wow, Maya and I, so annoying. And then she's like, wow, this girl Jenny is too hot.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Fuck her.

[Devin]

She literally is Anna Delevee. Oh, my God.

[Rachel Hampton]

Wow.

[Devin]

I hate. I found a new mortal enemy, and her name's Evelyn.

[Kelsey McKinney]

This story, in case you ForGot, is about four friends in their last semester of law school who plan to go on a trip together across Southeast Asia. It's Maya and Nya twins, Evelyn, Sophie, and Jenny. They go on this whole trip. They have a budget cap. It's this whole thing. Jenny is, like, carrying around a bird lamp. The Whole time, it's like a nightmare. And they go to this full moon party on an island and Evelyn disappears and they cannot find her anywhere overnight. After a whole night of searching for her, Sophie gets a voicemail notification where Evelyn is like, I'm fine. Sorry I didn't find you before I left, but things were like, just getting too crazy and I was freaking outside to leave. And so if he checks her, find my friend Stott. And she has Irish Goodbyed the entire trip.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, God. This is an episode that I have listened to multiple times. Claire and Emma are hilarious. I think about the bird lamp. I think at least three times a year. And it makes me want a bird lamp. But mostly it makes me want Sophie to learn that you don't have to keep friends that fuck you over.

[Kelsey McKinney]

You don't have to keep friends just because you went on a trip to Southeast Asia with them. Like, you can decide, you know what? I deserve happiness.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yeah. It's a very immediately post college thing to do to keep a friend who has fucked you over like that. Because now when the girlies have a crazy group trip, they post it on TikTok and they say, guess which one I'm not friends with anymore.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Exactly. It's good to transition, to grow in your relationships, to recognize that like, not everyone has to be your best friend.

[Rachel Hampton]

Yes. Yes.

[Kelsey McKinney]

These are the updates I have for you.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, yes.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Since the trip, all the girls except Jenny have become lawyers. Jenny is still happily an influencer.

[Rachel Hampton]

Nice.

[Kelsey McKinney]

And you can, you know, in many of her posts, you can see the bird lamp in the background.

[Rachel Hampton]

I love that.

[Kelsey McKinney]

So Sophie has like kept in touch with Evelyn via only looking at her social media.

[Rachel Hampton]

Okay.

[Kelsey McKinney]

And recently Sophie noticed that they both were in LA at the same time.

[Rachel Hampton]

Okay.

[Kelsey McKinney]

And so she reached out to Evelyn and is like, do you want to catch up?

[Rachel Hampton]

I feel like Sophie should have grown out of this by now. But some people are people pleasers. So the day they die. And I want better for them, I.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Want better for them too. Evelyn is like, yeah, I would love to catch up. Let's go see the pink wall together. And Sophie's like, yeah, sure, great. Even though she had no idea what Evelyn was talking about.

[Rachel Hampton]

Okay. I also don't know what is the pink wall.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Okay. The pink wall is like literally exactly what it sounds like. It's like a beautiful pink wall that people like to take Pict, but because it's like one of those murals that's like, for Instagram, it's like similar to those butterfly wings in Nashville where it's like, there's always a huge band.

[Rachel Hampton]

I hate those. My podiatrist is right by the. You know the bull by Wall Street?

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yep.

[Rachel Hampton]

My podiatrist is across the street from them. And every single time I go, it's 9am and there's a line of tourists waiting to fondle the bull's balls. And I feel crazy because you know what else is right by there? A beautiful waterfront view. You could be doing literally anything else.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Oh, God.

[Rachel Hampton]

Do they go to the pink wall?

[Kelsey McKinney]

They go to the pink wall.

[Rachel Hampton]

What happens to the pink wall?

[Kelsey McKinney]

They stand in line for two hours.

[Rachel Hampton]

Are you fucking kidding me?

[Kelsey McKinney]

Two hours in the Los Angeles heat. Like, you're not gonna look cute by the time you take that picture. Even you're gonna be sweaty.

[Rachel Hampton]

Also, that's not a hangout.

[Kelsey McKinney]

No.

[Rachel Hampton]

That's not fun. We could get you a beautiful Instagram photo somewhere else. I don't even mind the idea of meeting up to take photos. I get it. Pop off. Sometimes you gotta, you know, manifest a crush. I get it.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yep.

[Rachel Hampton]

But go somewhere else. That's not a two hour wait. Is there food? What's going on?

[Kelsey McKinney]

There's no food. And the whole time they were in line, Evelyn spent the whole time talking about herself and did not ask Sophie a single question.

[Rachel Hampton]

That's unsurprising to me. That's Sophie's fault. She should have seen that coming.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yes. I think the thing is, it is unsurprising and it is Sophie's fault. And finally, this was like the thing it took for Sophie to be like, oh, my God, I need to let this girl go. Like, I need to not see her anymore. I need to mute her on Instagram. I need to live in a bliss where she does not exist.

[Rachel Hampton]

A beautiful. I love that phrase. Live in a bliss where she doesn't exist. I'm using that for the rest of my life. B. You know what? Sometimes the straw that breaks the camel's back is much smaller than the other straws on the back, but it is the one that breaks the camel's back. So whatever it takes for Sophie to divest herself from this friendship, I support. And I would also be upset after spending two hours waiting in line in the Los Angeles heat with someone talking about themselves. Are you engaged? I don't care. And then just to stand in front of a pink wall, you could make a pink wall at home. You could Photoshop a pink wall. There's AI art now.

[Kelsey McKinney]

I love that. The point you've reached is we have pink wall at home.

[Rachel Hampton]

We have pink wall at home. We have pink wall at home. At least go to lacma. Like, I just don't understand why you would want to stand in front of a blank pink wall. It's not even like. Like, you know, you look at a Rothko, and I'm like, I get it. I love washes of color. It's beautiful. It vibrates. A pink wall that's probably sun bleached. So it's not even the original color of the pink that you wanted, is it Pepto Bismol pink? I don't. Wow. Well, Sophie stood up. Love that for her. Proud of you.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Good riddle.

[Luke]

Despite wearing a hat every single day all summer long, I do have the skin of a Victorian ghost, which means that if the sun even finds one little spot of skin that hasn't had sunscreen applied in the last, like, one hour, it destroys it. And so, you know, after a summer trying to avoid the sun, I still ended up with a little, tiny, dark spot on my cheek, which is so annoying. But, you know, skin changes over time, and it can be so overwhelming to figure out the right products for your skin. Which is why we're excited to partner with Apostrophe, the sponsor of this episode. Apostrophe's goal is to help you feel confident in your own skin. Whether you're dealing with breakouts, signs of aging, or acne scarring, Apostrophe will help you love the skin you're in. Apostrophe is an online platform that connects you with an expert dermatology team to get customized acne treatment for your unique skin. Through Apostrophe, you can get access to oral and topical medications that use clinically proven ingredients to help clear acne. Simply fill out an online consultation about your skin goals and medical history. Then snap a few selfies, and a dermatology provider will create a customized treatment plan just for you. Apostrophe offers access to prescription treatments for all types of acne, from hormonal acne to facial acne, and even back, chest, and butt acne treat breakouts from head to toe. I famously have only one skincare goal, and it's to make all of my pores disappear and look like a beautiful little doll. And that is extremely hard to achieve by yourself with just, like, drugstore products. So that's why I love working with Apostrophe, because, you know, you have access to an expert derm team, and they make you a tailored treatment plan, and then all of it just shows up at your house, and you don't have to wait in line at the pharmacy. We have a special deal for our audience. Get your first visit for only $5 at apostrophe.com gossip when you use our code gossip, that's a savings of $15. This code is only available to our listeners. To get started, just go to apostrophe.com gossip and click Get Started. Then use our code gossipinapp and you'll get your first visit for only $5. Thank you, Apostrophe, for sponsoring this episode.

[Kelsey McKinney]

One of the most forbidden topics in gossip is money. What's going on in your checking account? You would never, ever, ever ask your friend because you don't want to be asked what's going on in your checking account because God knows what's going on in there. Every, like, six months, we all have a realization that's like, I should probably get serious about my finances. I should probably learn what a budget is. We've all hit a point where we've realized it was time to make serious money moves. Take control of your finances by using a CHIME checking account with features like no maintenance fees, fee, free overdrafts up to $200, or getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit. Make your fall finances a little greener by working toward your financial goals with Chime. Open your account in two minutes at chime.com gossip that's chime.com gossip Chime feels like progress. Banking services and debit card provided by The Bancorp Bank NA or Stride Bank NA members, FDIC SpotMe eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Booths are available to eligible CHIME members enrolled in Spotme and are subject to monthly limits. Terms and conditions apply. Go to chime.com disclosures for details. The Next Episode I have an update for you on IS Season three, episode six. It was with Young Me Mayor and it was titled In Defense of Children. This is also known as like the hot dog toilet story. Do you remember this story, Rachel?

[Rachel Hampton]

Yes. The image of hot dog in toilet again, keeps me up at night. Also, it makes me want a hot dog.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yeah. As fans of hot dogs, this story.

[Rachel Hampton]

As fans of hot dogs and nitrate.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yeah, it makes us want hot dog for sure. Okay, so the basic recap of this right is we have Hazel and Dawn, who are sisters, and their cousins, Peyton and Cole. As kids, they all went to visit their grandparents for Christmas. Someone who knows who flushed a hot dog down the toilet. This needed $2,500 worth of pipe repairs and when pressed under questioning for many years, no one confessed on Grandpa's deathbed. Someone confessed, but grandpa didn't even tell his wife who it was. So 25 to 30 years later, the fam was gathering for Christmas again. And an aunt said that everyone in the family believes that Hazel or Don did it. That night, the cousins are hanging out late. Peyton confesses. He's like, twas I who flushed the hot dog. And so the cousins are like, oh, my God, this rules. Because, one, now we know for sure. And two, we can, like, tell our family, and they'll stop blaming us. So the next day at lunch, they, like, tee up this whole big reveal. And Peyton's like, what? You're gonna. You're gonna believe him over me? Like, I didn't do it. I don't know what you're talking about. I was promised that there would be updates at Christmas. Yeah, I have not heard the updates. Jay collected the updates from Hazel herself, and we are going to listen to them together.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh, my God. I get to experience this with you. Most exciting moment of my summer.

[Hazel]

So there has been an official reveal. It happened at the next major family function, so it didn't take long. Peyton Cole and my sister dawn, we all decided to make T shirts. Our shirts had the. Cole designed these. It was a picture of, like, word art of Richard Nixon. And she's standing on top of a toilet with these, like, hot dogs dancing around him with sunglasses on. And the back of three of them said, not a crook. And then the back of Peyton said, crook. And we hid them under our clothes until it was time we turned around one by one, and Peyton's revealed that it was, in fact, him who put the hot dog in the toilet. And I have to say, people still did not believe him. They were so convinced that it was either myself or Don. They, like, they came up to us after. There was probably, like, 30 people there. And my cousin's wife came up to me and was like. When I joined the family, one of the first things I learned was that you put the hot dog in the toilet. And I was like, I don't know how to respond to this. Part of what was so surprising to me about being under suspicion at all is because I also am someone who historically has been terrified of getting in trouble. Like, as a kid, I would never have done it. And I. And I would have caved immediately. I would. I was that kind of child. I cried once because in kindergarten, I skipped a page in my journal by accident. Peyton tried so hard to just be like, no, no, it was me.

[Rachel Hampton]

I promise, it was me.

[Hazel]

I did It. And I'm sure that at some point, they will accept that, but it's still a bumpy road.

[Rachel Hampton]

God, that was perfect. From beginning to end. There were so many details I never could have guessed. The one that is currently in my mind is that she cried when she skipped a journal page in kindergarten. So relatable.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Very relatable.

[Rachel Hampton]

So relatable. I dropped a bowl of soup once when I was in kindergarten and sobbed for an hour.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yeah, I've always been a crier, too.

[Rachel Hampton]

Richard Nixon.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Okay. What I respect the most about this is that everyone. All of these cousins were like, what if it was a performance? What if we gave the family a little razzle dazzle, a little theft? Literally, I'm like, okay, Broadway, go off with the, like, Richard Nixon shirts. And then turning around to reveal backs that say, not a crook. Like, I conic.

[Rachel Hampton]

Truly chef's kiss from beginning to end. I just. I love the way the cousins came together. I love that the blame being passed among them didn't bring them apart, but instead made them decide to band together into basically a troupe of players performing for their family.

[Kelsey McKinney]

And Shakespeare ass performance.

[Rachel Hampton]

Exactly. Exactly. And it's like, it also just calls back to those little performance performances you make up with your cousins for your family. But I can do. Exactly. It's like your one cousin that can do a flip just keeps doing flips.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Honestly, if I could do a flip, I'd do them.

[Rachel Hampton]

Right.

[Kelsey McKinney]

People are truly gonna believe whatever they want. Like, that a family's right.

[Rachel Hampton]

And it's even funnier now that they still believe it's her.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yes. I love the idea of someone coming into this family. Right. Whenever you marry into a family, it's like, okay, sit down. It's lore time. Right. And then you get to learn all the family lore, which is like, a delight. And I just imagine this story is so iconic in this family that it's like. It's very interesting that in other branches of the family, it's not being presented as, like, who knows who flushed the hot dog? It was a mystery. It's being presented as Hazel flushed.

[Rachel Hampton]

Hazel did it. Hazel, can you drop the T shirt design? Because I want to see it.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Girl. We want to see that.

[Rachel Hampton]

I want to see it so bad. I'm not even joking. I want to see it so bad also.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Hazel, I'm saluting. I just want to thank you for your service. Thank you for following up on this story. We were all desperate to know, and I'm really thrilled to hear about this not a crook revelation.

[Alex]

Thank you.

[Rachel Hampton]

Hazel, we salute you.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Okay, final episode update is from season four, episode six. It was with Jasmine Gilroy, and it was called Vigilante Renovation. So Luke tells Max, like, we have 90 days to find a new apartment. And he, like, tells her frustratedly. He's like, I talked to Nikki, and he just, like, doesn't seem concerned about this at all. And Max is like, well, yeah, he's, like, always traveling. He makes a shit ton of money. He's just going to pay whatever they tell him to pay. And Luke's like, yeah, but, like, friendship. And Max is like, well, I mean, you said it yourself. He's a landlord's dream. And there's, like, something in the way she says it. Like, maybe it's the tone or the inflection and it, like, plants a little seed in Luke's mind. Is he a landlord's dream or is he my fucking landlord? This is what I was going to ask.

[Rachel Hampton]

If I found out my best friend that I used to live with actually owned the apartment the entire time, I.

[Kelsey McKinney]

I would lose my mind.

[Rachel Hampton]

Absolutely. I would leave the city.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yeah, you would have to. The. This. This story is, like, maybe one of the most contentious we've ever done. Oh, it's about Luke, who loves democratic socialism and bike. Bikes. And his friend Max, who loves bikes. And they rent half a duplex together. And the tenant in the other half is Nikki. Nikki's always gone. He looks like Oscar Isaac in a tank top. Max wants to bang him. Luke wants to be him. Right.

[Rachel Hampton]

Same.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Nikki becomes Luke's best friend. And then eventually he starts to suspect. Is my best friend who looks like Oscar Isaac in a tank top. Actually, my landlord. Their rent goes up by 40% after three years. And Nikki, like, responds really suspiciously to this. Luke and Max go investigative journalist mode, but they find no proof. And then when they're moving out, Max asks Nikki if he owns the house, but Luke is like, I don't want to know. Don't tell me. Nikki is my best friend.

[Rachel Hampton]

On one hand. I get it again, I love friendship. I specifically love male friendship. I. The thing about men, there's so many. I could start that sentence and end in so many different ways.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Raise your hand if you're scared.

[Rachel Hampton]

The thing about men that I've learned.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Please.

[Rachel Hampton]

Is they actually don't seem to know that much about their friends. Yes, there is a way that men bond, irrespective of their friends. Politics, general outlook on life, status, the way they treat women. It's basically like, once men are friends, it's just an Amnesty agreement where you can do whatever you want and we'll still be bros. And a part of me thinks that's beautiful because in our current culture, so many people think that being uncomfortable in a friendship means the friendship needs to go away. And that's just not how friendship works. Especially if you have friends over a long amount of time. You're both gonna change, become different people. And the other part of me is like, I don't know, man. There are things my friends could do that would, in fact, affect how I feel about them.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yes. I think what's so interesting about this is I completely agree with you. There are, like, sometimes you are going to feel uncomfortable in your friendships, and that is fine. But what's so interesting to me about men's friendships is that they have, like, stereotypically, they have something that, like, often other people don't have in their friendships, which is like, bro time, where they're just like, I don't know, man. We went to a batting cage and hit a bunch of balls and had five beers, and now you're back and it's like, well, how's his wife? And it's like, I have no idea. Not a clue in the world.

[Rachel Hampton]

I have recently become friends with a few straight men, which has, you know, actually helped me like straight men a lot more. But I was getting dinner with two of them, and we were just, like, shooting the shit about, like, some bullshit. One of them was getting married, is getting married at the beginning of next year. And I'm like, so, how's the wedding planning going? What's going on? Where is it at? How are you feeling? The way that conversation died in a minute, and I was like, I wanna know what your wedding colors are.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yes. And it's like. It is so interesting because on some level, it's like, you do need that within every friendship, Right? Like, I think sometimes more intimate friendships can create a problem where it's like, no one's having fun anymore. Right. It's like we're just getting together and talking about, like, our childhood trauma. And while that has a place, it's.

[Rachel Hampton]

Like, I don't want that. Maybe you should also go bowling. Exactly. It's. It's A good friendship is a perfect balance of he he. Ha, ha. Nothing I'm saying actually matters. I am free associating right now. We are just shooting this shit. And the other half is. Here is my deepest, darkest secret. Please still love me afterwards.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yes.

[Rachel Hampton]

And they do. And that's really beautiful.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yes.

[Rachel Hampton]

Okay, so what happened?

[Kelsey McKinney]

Thanks for asking. Unfortunately, Luke still does not have definitive proof either way. Okay, I know he has tried. He tried to find the LLC like disclosure database in his city, but it is not publicly accessible. And he like, you know it. This is one of those situations where like he tried and then he gave up.

[Rachel Hampton]

Fair.

[Kelsey McKinney]

And the thing is like, he's no longer in touch with Max and he is still in touch with Nikki and they are still close. And so like every now and then Luke will make a joke and be like, hahaha, it's like when you were my landlord. And Nikki always laughs at these jokes, but never confirms or denies anything.

[Rachel Hampton]

Not denying is confirming in this case. To be completely honest, if someone called me a landlord, I would immediately deny because I am not a landlord.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Because landlord is actually a villain.

[Rachel Hampton]

Landlord is a parasite.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yes. Luke is like in the process of moving to a new city and he recently bought a duplex of his own.

[Rachel Hampton]

Love that for him.

[Kelsey McKinney]

And he was like, catching up with his buddy Nikki, and Nikki was like, oh man, I love that city. Maybe I could move in upstairs. And Luke was like, I can't tell if this is evidence one way or the other. Right? Like, why would you move in upstairs if you own a house, right? Like. Or if this just means that like you miss when we lived right next to each other all the time.

[Rachel Hampton]

I mean, that's sweet.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Nothing has been settled yet, but Luke misses getting to see his buddy all the time and he hopes that Nikki decides to move in.

[Rachel Hampton]

Oh.

[Kelsey McKinney]

So in a beautiful way, it's possible that Luke is about to become Nikki's landlord.

[Rachel Hampton]

And you know what? That's the circle of life, baby. If that's what happens, if that's what it needs to take for the kind of scales to balance out here, I guess I'm okay with it. I mean, again, I don't support being a landlord. I'm so sorry. You can be anything else you want to be.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Same.

[Rachel Hampton]

You could honestly work at the DMV and take horror purple pictures of people for a living. The worst photos people have ever seen of themselves that they then have to.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Show to everyone every single day, everyone.

[Rachel Hampton]

For the next 10 years. And I would still be more okay with that. I would be more okay with you ruining someone's life for a decade than.

[Kelsey McKinney]

With you being their secret landlord.

[Rachel Hampton]

Then with you being their. At the very least, be open about it and don't raise their rent by 40%.

[Kelsey McKinney]

I know, I know.

[Rachel Hampton]

If my friend's my landlord, at the very least you should be giving me a discount on rent.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Yeah, because you're getting the benefit of living with me. I do think this story is, like, a lesson that I personally hate to learn. Like, after this episode published, everyone was like, so mad. And they were like, tell us if he's the landlord or not. Like, we have to know. And I was like, babes, I promise you that I want to know as bad as all of you like it. It ruins my life that I do not know if this man is a landlord or not. Maybe one day we'll know.

[Rachel Hampton]

That's so real. That's a really good thing to keep in mind for life. Unfortunately, sometimes we just have to exist in a state of uncertainty. And as much as we all wish to disassociate through that, we must be present for it. I hate it just as much as you do.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Would you say that we have to exist in the context of all in which we live and which came before us?

[Rachel Hampton]

And you know what? I think I would say that. I would say that. I would also say, we did it, Jo.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Wow. And you know what? I think if you have updates on stories, we'll take them. And I think this is also a really good argument for sticking with gossip stories. Long haul, right? Like, don't unfollow people that you know the beginning of a story to and not the end. We're gonna need stories in the future. You need to lock in focus.

[Rachel Hampton]

Lock in. What you are doing is building suspense. What you are doing is setting the scene. We have to have the prelude for me to care. Once we get to the climax, Act.

[Kelsey McKinney]

1 is never interesting.

[Rachel Hampton]

Exactly. Act 1 is just character building. We're putting the pieces on the board.

[Kelsey McKinney]

So you know what? If your gossip has reached Act 5, please send those into us. It's normalgossepactor.com Rachel Hampton, thank you so much for coming on this recap show. It was a pleasure, as always, to have you.

[Rachel Hampton]

This was truly the highlight of my summer. I'm gonna be thinking about this forever. I'm gonna go get a fucking hot dog.

[Kelsey McKinney]

Hell yeah. Me too. And we will see all of you on October 9th for. Thank you so much for listening to normal gossip. And a huge thank you to all of those who gave us updates on their gossip stories. If you have a gossip story to share with us, you can email us at normal gossip defector.com or leave us a voicemail at 2679 GOSSIP. If you love this podcast and want want to support us, become a friend or a friend of a [e-mail]. you can follow the show on Instagram and TikTok at Normal Gossip. You can follow me on all social media at. McKinney. Kelsey this episode was produced by J. Tolviera. Alex ujang Laughlin is Defector's supervising producer and Normal Gossip's co creator. Justin Ellis is Defector's project's editor. Jasper Wang and Sean Coon are Defector's business business guys. Tom Lay is our editor in chief. Abigail Siegel is our intern. Dan McQuaid runs our merch store which you can find at normalgossip store. Tara Jacoby designed our show. Art thank you to Rachel Hampton and Brandi Jensen for your help with this episode. Thank you to the rest of the Defector staff. Defector is a collectively owned subscriber based media company and Normal Gossip is a proud member of Radiotopia. Normal Gossip is hosted by me, Kelsey McKinney and please remember you did not hear this from me. Radiotopia from PRX.