Forks Out with Tracy Clayton

Summary

Podcast Summary: Normal Gossip – “Forks Out with Tracy Clayton”

Host: Rachel Hampton
Guest: Tracy Clayton
Date: November 26, 2025

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Episode Overview

This Thanksgiving-themed episode of Normal Gossip features host Rachel Hampton and returning guest Tracy Clayton diving into a reader-submitted, family-driven gossip story. Blending comedic commentary, sharp observations, and their trademark wit, Rachel and Tracy break down a juicy “holiday heist” involving a highly-prized family recipe, cabin drama, and long-awaited, sweet revenge.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Kicking Off: Catching Up & Personal Gossip Updates

• [05:16] Tracy recounts a real-life Valentine’s Day dating fiasco:
  • She went on a date with a man whose voice uncannily resembled Andre 3000 (her “husband” in her heart).
  • After their restaurant date, he offered to drive her to meet friends. He became annoyed after a couple of wrong turns and told her, “sweetheart, I don’t have time to be driving you all around the city like this.” [09:55]
  • Tracy immediately asked to be let out of the car, and he complied, leaving her on a deserted, cold street corner at night.
  • Her friends joked about impersonating police to teach him a lesson; even Tracy’s therapist (jokingly) encouraged the idea.
  • Tracy recently ran into him again at the same bar, where he attempted to rewrite the story, displaying what they call “the surplus of audacity” that some men seem to possess.

    Tracy: “I am a gog. I am aghast. I’m like, I know he's not talking to me, right?" [13:43]

Memorable Quotes

• Rachel: “I feel like they must keep the audacity where the rest of us keep common sense because they don't seem to have a whole lot of that.” [14:55]
• Tracy: “[Saying 'I'm sorry'] must be a poison pill to some men.” [15:44]

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2. Main Gossip Story: The Thanksgiving Sweet Potato Pie Heist

[17:55] Rachel leads into this episode’s centerpiece—a whodunit about a missing family pie.

a. The Family & The Sacred Pie

• Lex (the "friend of a friend") joins her boyfriend Tyler’s family for Thanksgiving at their Michigan cabin. Tyler’s family fiercely guards a generations-old maple sweet potato pie recipe, only one person per generation knows it. [20:22]
• The pie is legendary, credited with winning church contests and even “securing four engagements.”

b. Introducing the Players & Family Dynamics

• Tyler’s mom Linda is the competitive matriarch and the only one who makes the pie for holidays.
• Tyler's siblings: Amber (the baby, brings her girlfriend and a Great Dane named Rufus) and Jordan (the middle child).
• Classic family stereotypes and power dynamics are explored, especially the “middle child” syndrome, with both hosts reflecting on their own family roles. [22:44]

c. The Backstory: A Grudge Is Born

• Years back, young Jordan was teased by his whole family for eating pie slowly; while he sat in his room, the family ate his saved slice. He cried and “vowed revenge.”

  Rachel: “It is my belief that middle children are made, not born. And this is one of those moments that makes Jordan.” [25:18]

• Rachel and Tracy muse on childhood grievances and how such experiences can have lasting effects. Tracy shares her own lifelong grudge over a Halloween scare from her brother. [28:04]

d. At the Cabin: The Setup

• The group’s arrival leads to a spat over sleeping arrangements (Jordan gets the couch), and Amber’s unapproved pet causes tension with Linda.
• Linda lays down strict rules for Rufus; Amber didn’t even ask permission to bring him, showing “baby of the family energy.”

  Tracy: “If I’m mom, I’m like, you don’t get any pie. That’s it.” [31:35]

e. The Night Before Thanksgiving: Pie Goes Missing

• Linda bakes the pie (filling the whole cabin with tantalizing smells), and sets it to cool overnight.
• Family members scatter for evening activities—pool, hot tub, cornhole—leaving the pie unattended. [38:10]
• When Linda returns, the pie has vanished. At first, the family suspects forgetfulness, but after 30 minutes of searching, it’s declared a “missing pie.” [40:29]

  Tracy: “Looking for a pie for 30 minutes is so the noodles to me.” [40:29]

f. The Investigation: Accusations and Theories

• Linda eagerly leads a full-on investigation, grilling each person about their whereabouts—except the dog, who becomes suspect number one.
  • Amber’s girlfriend is outraged at the notion Rufus is a criminal; Linda’s dislike of dogs is clear.
• Tensions rise as Amber’s girlfriend accuses Linda of being the saboteur; speculation abounds, but no consensus. [46:01]

g. The Shocking Return: Pie With a Hole

• Thanksgiving morning, the pie reappears in the fridge—except there’s a perfectly round circle missing from the center. [50:05]
• Suspicions shift; everyone speculates. Should they eat the mysterious pie? Tracy says she would, but only after someone else tries it first. [52:16]

h. The Showdown: Dinner Accusations

• As the family enjoys dinner, accusations fly in all directions: Tyler, Amber, Lex, and even Linda are all accused as possible pie-nappers.
• Lex reveals Tyler’s story about the childhood pie incident to the family, but Jordan clarifies: “it was Tyler that took the first bite.” [55:11]
• The circle finally closes as Jordan, at dessert, reveals himself as the culprit: “I already have my piece.” He produced the missing pie-circle, triumphant, declaring years of patient revenge.

  Jordan: “For years, I bided my time... You ruled me out, even when I left you such an obvious—the middle of the pie for the middle child.” [59:08]

i. Reflection & Debrief

• Tracy and Rachel gleefully analyze the reveal, praising Jordan’s schemes and debating who the true “villain” is (everyone who wronged Jordan as a child).
• Casting moments: Tracy imagines Nia Long as Linda if this story were a movie. [60:26]
• Updates: Lex did get to taste the pie and later married Tyler, but Amber and her girlfriend broke up over the episode. Jordan, meanwhile, gets to tell the story every year now, because, as Rachel says, “revenge is pretty fucking sweet.” [62:32]

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Tracy (on being wronged):
  “This has healed me somehow. Amazing. Oh, amazing.” [58:36]
• Jordan (the reveal):
  “Have any of you heard the expression that revenge, like pie, is best served cold?” [59:03]
• Rachel (summarizing):
  “Revenge is pretty fucking sweet.” [62:32]
• Tracy (about familial grudges):
  “What a wholesome case of revenge. I would have only liked it better if Jordan framed Tyler specifically.” [61:02]

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Important Timestamps

• [05:16] Tracy’s Valentine’s Day date story
• [17:55] Introduction of the main gossip story (The Thanksgiving Pie)
• [25:18] The origin of Jordan’s grudge
• [38:52] The pie goes missing
• [40:29] Linda declares the pie missing
• [41:24] The official investigation begins
• [50:05] The missing pie’s return—with a hole
• [55:11] Plot twist: Tyler’s role in the original incident revealed
• [58:36] Jordan’s confession and revenge
• [62:32] Final updates—the fate of the family post-pie-heist

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Tone & Takeaways

• The episode is playful, witty, and full of affectionate family roasting. Both host and guest embrace the spirit of raucous, harmless drama. They celebrate both the joy and pain of family traditions, the persistence of childhood slights, and the delicious vengeance that can come from patience.
• Vivid, cinematic storytelling and excellent guest chemistry make the episode especially engaging—think Agatha Christie meets Thanksgiving potluck.
• Underneath the laughs, the story’s warmth underscores how even the pettiest family grievances can become the sweetest family lore.

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For New Listeners

This episode exemplifies what Normal Gossip does best: transforming an ordinary anecdote into a suspenseful, hilarious, and emotionally resonant portrait of family. Even if you don’t know any of these people, you’ll find yourself basking in the delicious, relatable cringes and comebacks of the Thanksgiving pie heist.

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Want More?

• Subscribe or send your own gossip to Normal Gossip.
• Support the show or catch more real-life tales of strangers’ drama at Normal Gossip's website.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[A]

Hi, it's Rachel from Normal Gossip. In a year that's been really tough for public media, radio and podcasting, Radiotopia.

[B]

Has stayed the course.

[A]

As a community of independent podcasts, we welcome new shows into the fold. Shout out to Proxy with Yohei Shah, Try Hard with Alex sujong Laughlin, and Only if youf Get Caught with Patrick Redford. And together we brought more than 400 episodes to our listeners. Being a part of Radiotopia means not just that we get support from radiotopia, but also that I'm in community with other creators who I respect and admire. I want to shout out Mike Grugnetta, one of the hosts of Never Post. He is one of our guests for season nine and he does such an incredible job. Being a part of this community extends to the fundraiser itself. We split the money raised during the fundraiser so your generous gifts don't just support me, they go to some of my favorite shows like Articles of Interest and Ear Hustle. At a time when the industry can feel so competitive, fractured and isolating, it is a joy to be in this together with other creative audio makers whose work I believe in. It would mean so much if you would invest in our community of creators by making your tax deductible donation at Radiotopia fm. Donate two more important things. As a bonus, when you donate before December 31st, your gift will be matched by a generous PRX donor. That's huge. Your money can go twice as far. Plus, when you donate, you'll be invited to our holiday mixtape on December 4th, where all the producers will share exclusive mini podcast audio love letters about our favorite shows in the network. It's going to be really special and I would love to see you there. Head to Radiotopia fm. Donate to support Radiotopia and our community of independent podcasts today.

[B]

Hello and welcome to Normal Gossip. I'm your host, Rachel Hampton, and in each episode of this podcast, we're gonna bring you an anonymous morsel of gossip from the real world. Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate. And by celebrate, I mean eat a lot of carbs while surrounded by loved ones, which is the true meaning of the holidays, because I will not be engaging with the historical fact. What happened? Before we get into the gossip, I wanted to remind y' all that over the past year, Ciara and I and the Normal Gossip team have been working hard to revamp our subscriber feed. And not to brag, but if I didn't make it, I would definitely pay for it. Like some of the new offerings in the feed, are so fucking good. Including these exclusive tidbits that are like cutting room floor tape that we can't put in the episode because we record for two hours most of the time. And I know some of y' all.

[A]

Want a two hour episode, but you don't.

[B]

But we will be giving you more that gets cut from the episode in the subscriber feed. We have one incredible exclusive tidbit from Malala in the feed right now that I'm obsessed with. We are also doing a quarterly book club for the subscriber feed. It is our boozy book club because we will all be imbibing something for next month's book club. I made my defector comrades read the first Ice Barbarians book and if you are not familiar with Ice Planet Barbarians, I would recommend turning on Incognito mode before you Google it. And then of course we've got exclusive gossip sent via voice memo that I and some of your favorite guests react to. I've learned a lot about the human body from some of the morsels we've gotten over there. Okay, now that we've gotten the subscriber feed relaunched, we will be looking towards incorporating more subscriber exclusive perks over on Instagram too. So let us know what you would like to see from us over there.

[A]

Keep in mind Sierra and I are.

[B]

Not influencers or video editors, so let's be realistic with our expectations. More Q&As, more cat photos. Let us know what you want within the realm of possibility. And please consider subscribing at the friend or the friend of a friend level. Not just to support normal gossip, but to hear me talk about seven foot tall aliens who what is the safe for work version of this? Are extremely giving and is that not what the holiday season is about? Giving? Anyway, onto the reason you're really here. The Gossip Today's guest joining me at my bountiful cornucopia of gossip is none other than Tracey Clayton. Tracy Clayton is a host, comedian and writer. She is the host of several well known podcasts and gained national visibility as one of the hosts of buzzfeed's award winning podcast Another Ran. Before we welcome Tracy, I do want to briefly mention that we taped this during Mercury Retrograde which means we experienced some tech difficulties and unfortunately we did lose Tracee's beautiful crispy studio quality audio. So what you'll be hearing today is Zoom Audio. Hopefully the gossip and the company make it worth it. Without further ado, Tracee, welcome back to the show.

[C]

Thank you for having me. Once again it is always such a pleasure and an honor and an adventure. And I'm so excited.

[B]

I'm so excited. It has been. I just realized this before we got onto Zoom. It's been exactly a month since we saw each other in Minneapolis.

[C]

Exactly. It feels like a year. You've been gone from me too long. I don't like it.

[B]

Well, I was thinking back on our lovely, what, 20 hours in Minneapolis together? Certainly less than 24. Specifically, though, I have been thinking about the gossip you told me that night, which our Minneapolis audience has already heard, but I personally feel like everyone needs to hear. Plus, a little birdie told me that there's been an update to this gossip.

[C]

There is an update. I did run into the culprit of said story.

[B]

Literally shoulders shaking right now as we speak.

[C]

The shoulder shake of excitement. Okay, so what happened was this was this year, Valentine's Day is approaching. I am untethered, Right? So she's out in the world. She's free. But I want to go on a date. I want to be, like, doted on and cater to a little bit, you know, But I'm out. I'm at what was then one of my favorite bars and, you know, minding my business. I am my own best, most favorite company, so I tend to do that a lot. I'll take me a little book, little computer, do a little work.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Do a little sipping, you know, so I'm in my zone. I'm minding my business. Not necessarily looking for conversation, but as somebody who would talk to a statue for hours, you know, I definitely don't turn it away when it approaches. Right? So there is a guy who is either sitting next to me or he approaches me at the bar, one of the two, and he says something, and my ears perk. I'm like, oh, my God. And that reason is because he sounds like Minus. He didn't really have a heavy accent, but the sound of his voice sounded just like Andre 3000. And if you know anything about me, you know that I. That's my husband. He doesn't know it yet.

[B]

He will know it. It's called manifesting.

[C]

That's what it is. But it was uncanny, the sound of this man's voice. And I just kept saying to him, you sound Just like Andre 3000. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So this was the week of Valentine's Day. I want to say we were a few days before, and he's like, oh, you know, trying to go out Valentine's Day, yada, yada, blah, blah. I'm like, yes, I would love that. I have not had an official Valentine's Day date in quite a while. Also, the whole time, I'm going to get to pretend that I'm out on a day with Andre 3000. I'm ready. So the day comes. I had a hard out at like nine o' clock or so, right? Because I don't really know this dude. So I had planned to meet a few of my girlfriends at this bar around the corner from the restaurant that me and Andre no Thousands went to. Which is now how I. How I reference him in my life. And, you know, I love him. He's like, okay, yeah, that's cool. Important information. I do not drive. So me and Andre no 1000 are at this restaurant that I really, really like. He's paying, so I'm eating. And it's great, right? Wasn't a terrible time. We didn't have a fight. He didn't say anything so stupid that I was like, you know, we need to fight about this now. Whatever. It's time to go. I'm like, oh, my girlfriends are around the corner. And it's February, right? So it gotten dark early and it was a little chilly. I was going to just, like, walk around the corner, whatever. Also, a thing to know about me is I have no sense of direction.

[B]

Same.

[C]

So he offers. This is an important part of the story. He offers to drive me to the bar, which again, right around the corner. Like, you could probably see it from the restaurant that we were at, right? I'm like, okay, cool. It is a little chilly. So we're in the car. He's asking me, where is it, which way to go? We just learned about meaning. I don't know. Nor does my phone. We have no idea. And so I gave him a couple of wrong turns. I want to say it was one wrong turn, but I'm going to be generous here and say it was a couple of wrong turns, right? And granted, these wrong turns didn't take us to another part of the city. We are still around the block. Yeah, In a stone's throw of where I'm trying to get to. But second wrong time. I'm like, oh, my bad. I meant we were supposed to go. The map test was supposed to go this way. And he says, sweetheart, I don't have time to be driving you all around the city like this. Another thing to know about me is that I am very sensitive to feeling like a burden. It's hard for me to ask for assistance from anybody in the moment that you make me Feel like I am impeding on you. My new life goal is to show you that I don't need you for nothing.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So I very quickly say, oh, if it's about all that, you can pull up and let me out.

[B]

And he's like, okay, crazy.

[C]

He pulls over and just lets me out of the car. There are no pedestrians because it's a car based city. There are no pedestrians walking on the street. I'm the only one. Nine o' clock at night, in the dark, in the cold, just confused and just steaming, right? The good news is that my girlfriends were there waiting for me and I was like, y', all, I got a story for you.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I tell him about Andre no Thousands and how he put me out on a semi highway. So one of my friends is like, you know what we should do? One of us should call him on the phone and pretend to be like a detective and tell him that he needs to come down to the office because Tracy is missing. Nobody's seen her. You were the last person seen with her. We've got your car on cctv, whatever they call it, and we just need to come, need to have you come down and talk to us, answer a few questions. And of course I'm like, this is the best idea I've ever heard in my life because I'm also a true crime girly. And I'm like, he deserves it and he does. But I'm like, no, we can't do that. You know, it's probably a crime. I'm not trying to go back to jail, especially since I've never been to jail.

[B]

I was like that too.

[C]

But I'm like, it's still a really good idea, right? So the idea has stuck with me. The next week I have my therapy appointment. Told her what happened, and I told her what my friend said about calling and pretending to be the police. And she was like, do it. And I was like, wait a second.

[B]

You are a licensed mental health professional and you were telling me to impersonate a police officer.

[C]

And I was like, I don't think I should do that. She was like, no, you should actually do it. Like, I was waiting for her to like, laugh or be like, just kidding. She wanted me to like actually do it. And I was like, I know we would have been best friends outside of this professional relationship. Now this is the part of the story where I must cast a little shade of mystery here, because in the event that such a phone call did take place, I'm certain that that would count as impersonating. A police officer. And like I said, not trying to go back to jail for the first time. Maybe we did it, maybe we didn't. No one knows.

[B]

Who could say?

[C]

Who can say? No one but God.

[B]

Life needs to have her little mysteries.

[C]

And here's the update to that situation. When was this? Last weekend. Weekend before. Like, this is hella recent. I remember texting Ciara, like, you're not gonna believe who I am out with, right? So what happened was, again, I'm out in the world. I'm at this same bar where no thousands and I met and passed this group of, like, three or four dudes outside, and my ears perk. And I'm like, chances are it's not Andre 3000. So it must be Andre.

[B]

No Thousands with the negative thousands.

[C]

He's in the negative thousands at this point.

[B]

Negative 3000, yes.

[C]

I go in, I sit at the bar. My favorite bartender's there, you know, minding my business, as I was the first time he inserted himself into my life, right? And behind me, I heard, hey, how you doing? And it's non Dre. No thousands. I turn around and I'm sure. I said, hey, how you doing? Or something, right? But I'm just, like, lost in the ponderance of where men find this surplus of audacity and where they carry it on their person, right? Y' all don't have purses. You don't have bags. I'm just. I am a gog. I am aghast. I'm like, I know he's not talking to me, right?

[B]

That's crazy. My jaw literally dropped.

[C]

I still can't believe it. Like nothing had ever happened, right? So he just say, how you doing? Oh, I'm good, right?

[B]

I'm good.

[C]

I don't even. I don't think I said, like, how are you? He's like, yeah, you know, well, you know, last time we saw each other. And now he proceeds to tell me his version of what happened that night in the car, right?

[B]

What's his version?

[C]

Great question. So glad you asked. So he's like, yeah, you know, last time we saw each other, you know, like, we had gone out or whatever, and, you know, we was leaving and you had kind of wanted to go all these different places, and, you know, like, I just couldn't do that, you know, so. And then you had wanted to get out, and so, you know, but, yeah, that's just, you know, it's just how things happen. And, you know, I'm glad to see you doing okay. I hold my tongue. How Did I do it?

[B]

That's so impressive.

[C]

Someone or something else took over my body, possibly keeping me out of prison, because that's how I would have ended up in jail. Not impersonating a police officer.

[B]

Not impersonating a police officer.

[C]

Putting my hands on this man who is just like. The quickness to gaslight is just like it should be studied.

[B]

I feel like they must keep the audacity where the rest of us keep common sense because they don't seem to have a whole lot of that. Also, there are many things about this story that give me a lot of pause. But one of the many things that give me pause is that the bare minimum I expect from a man in the south is like a little bit.

[C]

Of manners, like a teaspoon.

[B]

A little bit of. Your mama raised you right.

[C]

There was none. I don't know what is up with this man. He came back twice that night to, like, explain himself, which to me says, you know, you was wrong.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And, you know, I've told all my friends about you, but you still can't just be like, I'm sorry.

[B]

The way, like, the words I'm sorry I think must be a poison pill to some men.

[C]

I think some appendage of their body might fall off if they say, I'm.

[B]

Sorry and not I'm sorry that you felt that way or I'm sorry. If it's just a pure apology, I think it might make their dick shrivel up and die. Because that is the only explanation for why it is so hard.

[C]

There is no other reason. No other reason at all.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

I know. It was a ride. It was a lot.

[B]

Oh, wow. Well, it's time for another ride. We have more rides.

[C]

Yay. I'm buckled in. I'm suited up. I'm ready.

[A]

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[B]

Today's story is about a heist.

[C]

Dun, dun, dun. Like a money heist, Like a jewelry heist.

[B]

It is a holiday heist. So the year is 2011. It is the week of Thanksgiving. Our friend of a friend today is named Lex, and this is her first holiday with her boyfriend's family.

[C]

Oh, oh, oh, I'm nervous.

[B]

Okay, you already had a reaction. Have you experienced this vibe of this situation of meeting your partner's family for the first time or being invited to a holiday?

[C]

I have not, actually, as I think about it. I think I'm just reacting to the anticipatory anxiety because that is a situation where I would just, like, freak completely out. Like, it's just. There's just so much that can go wrong. I'm nervous.

[B]

Our girl Lex is also nervous. Like, appropriately nervous. She's not panicking because she's been dating her boyfriend Tyler for two years now, so she's already met most of his family, and they all love her. Like, she texts Tyler's sister about reality television all the time. What Lex is actually nervous about is spending five days in a cabin in the upper peninsula of Michigan with people that she likes. But realistically, she doesn't actually know that well.

[C]

Mm, mm. Okay, so this is a horror movie now at this point. Cause you're, like, off in the Ozarks. Something about it being in a cabin is just like, this just got a whole lot more serious.

[B]

And, I mean, we've all seen what the holidays can do to people that we do know, let alone people we don't. But let's is also excited because the cabin has a hot tub.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Tyler's mom is a really, really good cook. And then there is the pie.

[C]

Oh, you got a patty pie.

[B]

Are there any famous Recipes in your family?

[C]

Yes. My grandmother's yellow cake with caramel icing all made from scratch is the thing that she was always asked to bring to each and every family function. I miss it so much. Nobody else thinks that this particular pie is famous, but I do. It's a chess pie. Are you familiar with chess pieces?

[B]

Oh, I think so.

[C]

So a chess pie is just a pie made out of eggs and butter and sugar and vanilla. And sugar and butter. Maybe milk, but definitely more sugar and butter. And sugar and vanilla. Yeah.

[B]

So in Tyler's family, this family recipe is also a pie, and it is for a maple sweet potato pie.

[C]

Okay, I'm listening.

[B]

This recipe has been passed down from generation to generation, and it is so closely guarded that traditionally in Tyler's family, only per generation is allowed to have the recipe.

[C]

Oh, that's serious. Serious.

[B]

Yeah. This was the sweet potato pie that won every single church baking contest it was entered in. This was the pie that, according to family lore, secured no less than four engagements.

[C]

Oh, okay. So this. This is a heavyweight pie. This pie has a resume.

[B]

Mm.

[C]

Got it. Got it.

[B]

A long cv.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. When Tyler's mom, Linda finally got the recipe, it was a huge fucking deal. And to keep it a huge fucking deal, Linda only makes this pie for the holidays or other special occasions. Because Linda is a busy woman, she does not have time to making pie crust from scratch all the time. So the maple seed potato pie becomes, like, a fixture of the holidays for Tyler's family, not least because this pie plays a very pivotal role in an important piece of family lore in Tyler's family. So Tyler tells Lex this lore while they're waiting to board their plane to Michigan. So first, some context you need for this story. Tyler has two siblings who are both younger than him. There's the sister that Lex texts about reality television. She's the baby of the family. Her name is Amber. Okay. And then there's Tyler's brother, Jordan, who is the middle child. Okay. Do you believe the stereotypes about middle children?

[C]

I do, because I don't have any, like, personal anecdotes or experiences. My mom has two kids, so there's not really a middle. And then my dad has two kids, including me. I've not known a middle child in my own, like, normal life, but I feel like the lore of middle children always seems to line up sometimes. Like, sometimes somebody will be talking. I'm just like, are you a middle child? They were like, yeah, like, I knew it. I knew it. So I. I believe. I do believe in it. I'm. I've bought into the. The middle childness theory.

[B]

What would you describe as middle childness?

[C]

They seem to be very attention starved, a little. A little overlooked, just kind of nebulous, I think. And that sort of gives them a variety of complexes about their personage, personhood, being seen, being heard, taken seriously, kind of makes you act out sometimes when you are born thinking, oh, nobody sees me, loves me, understands me, hears me, you know, it can make you act out.

[B]

Well, I'm a middle child, so.

[C]

Oh, I didn't mean any of that, girl. I thought you were an only child. I mean that in a sweet way. Okay, let's get back to this story. It's not like the.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I think I just got hacked. I was hacked. Did you see that?

[B]

What do you mean?

[C]

It's crazy.

[B]

Well, yeah, I'm a middle child. I can't speak to any of the things that you just said. And Jordan is also a middle child, okay? And this piece of lore is mostly about him, but it begins with the piece of. So one Thanksgiving in the late 80s, when Amber, Jordan, and Tyler are all kids, their mom makes the pie. And it's really important to know that this pie is fairly labor intensive. Like, the crust has to chill for hours and then be rolled out and then chilled again. The filling has to be roasted and then blended and then sieved through a fine mesh strainer and then chilled too. So Linda only makes one pie per occasion. It's a really big pie, though, so that everyone can have two slices. She uses the same massive baking dish from William Sonoma every year. It's a whole thing.

[C]

So a fancy dish.

[B]

Fancy. Mm. So this Thanksgiving in the late 80s, everyone's eating their pie. And in case it's not obvious yet, this pie fucking slaps. So almost everyone in the family just, like, houses their two slices immediately. Except for Jordan. Ever since he was little, he would always take his time and he would savor his first slice of pie, and then he would save the other one for later. And so on this Thanksgiving, when Jordan was around 8 or 9, he did just that. He's savoring his first slice when his whole family decides to start doing what families do to middle children. It is my belief that middle children are made, not born. And this is one of those moments that makes Jordan okay.

[C]

So this is our villain story, who.

[B]

Could be Jordan's entire family starts teasing him about how slowly he's eating his pie. And it's mostly because they all just want a bite of his pie. Cause it's the last slice left. And obviously they couldn't just ask, why would they do that? So instead they're teasing Jordan. And at this point, Jordan is just a baby. He's eight and he can't take this. And this teasing distresses him so much that he gets up from the table and goes back to his room. And it's while he's in his room self regulating that his family eats the rest of his pie.

[C]

That's not right. Okay, at this point, I am team Jordan because why would you bullied a child out of his food and then you took that food out of his mouth during the holidays.

[B]

During the holidays.

[C]

Monsters.

[B]

When Jordan returns to his empty plate, he bursts into tears before vowing revenge on his entire family.

[C]

Oh dear. I mean, I get it, but like, I hope it's gonna be like not like the murderous kind of revenge because it's kind of what it is.

[B]

It's normal gossip. You don't do murders.

[C]

Okay, true, true, true, true. Okay. So no. No family members died in the making. No.

[B]

No family's members died in the course of the story.

[C]

Good to know.

[B]

If your boyfriend told you this story, how would you react?

[C]

Okay, so if I like my boyfriend, I would be like, oh, that's, y' all shouldn't have done that. You know, it's not very nice. But if I didn't, I'd just be like, what is wrong with y'?

[B]

All?

[C]

Is this why you are the way that you are? Because you kind of got some tendencies too. And sometimes like this kind of like light hearted toxicity can like plant a seed deep in somebody's psyche. And that's why you are as messed up as you are. And I want a divorce. So it all depends on the boyfriend.

[B]

And you know what? That's so real. Tyler cannot contain his laughter as he's telling the story. Which to be fair, the image of an 8 year old child vowing revenge is also pretty funny to me. I can't lie.

[C]

His little fist balled up like, no.

[B]

Literally like, oh, what are you going to do? Meanwhile, Lex is like, I don't know, man. This seems like something I would hold a grudge about.

[C]

I agree.

[B]

Tyler is like, no, don't worry. We tell this story every time someone new joins the family. And Jordan always laughs. Jordan is just too chill to hold a grudge.

[C]

Those are the ones you gotta look out for. Those are the ones.

[B]

And at the time of our story, Jordan is already 30. So everyone's like, he's obviously already over it. It's been two decades and he hasn't.

[C]

Done anything that you know of. You don't know what he's putting in your water when you leave the room. You have no idea.

[B]

Do you believe Jordan is over it?

[C]

No. And here's why. I am not a middle child. I am the baby in both of my parents lives, their individual sets of children. And I grew up with my mom and brother. And he was a relentless tease. Like I'm talking about, like, he knew that I was afraid of, like, scary Halloween masks. And there is this one Halloween I remember in the living room by myself, minding my little 8, 9, 10 year old business.

[B]

Nahol, this is too young. I'm already scared.

[C]

See, I had gone trick or treating. It went great that year. There were some kids down the street who had been scaring me with this Halloween mask. And so my mom, of course, she's like, give me the mask, Leave my baby alone. Right? So she takes the mask from them. My brother finds the mask, creeps up on me in a dark house as I'm minding my business, knowing my fear, and just scars me. I thought I was going to die. I thought I was going to be eaten by a werewolf in my mama's house. And that was it.

[B]

That was it.

[C]

I am 43. He just turned 51, I think, you know, like, we've cleared the air about stuff, but I still have it tattooed onto my brain. Not because I'm just like, I need to hold onto this memory, but just this stuff can scar you.

[B]

Yeah. Am I over it?

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

I'm getting a little worked up right now.

[B]

Maybe I'm not. You know, your brain is so squishy at that age that just everything immediately imprints onto it. And it's the smallest things just stay forever. Lex is also skeptical that Jordan is over it. But the first day at the cabin goes really well. The cabin is absolutely gorgeous. Lex wasn't entirely sure what to expect when she heard Cabin in the woods of Michigan's Upper Peninsula. Mostly, she expected a lot of snow, and there is a lot of snow. But the actual cabin is both massive and stunning. There's like a giant family room in the basement that has its own mini bar and a pool table and the biggest TV Lex has ever seen. The kitchen looks straight out of a Nancy Myers movie. The cabin has three bedrooms, so obviously Tyler's parents, Linda and Marcus, have their own room, which left two rooms and the couch in the basement, which, to be fair, looks extremely comfortable. Lex has sisters, so she definitely Expects the room situation to cause a fight as to who's getting a room and who's getting the couch. Just, like, out of sibling principle, like, it has to be a fight.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But when she mentions this to Tyler, he's like, oh, don't worry. Jordan's sleeping on the couch.

[C]

I don't like how they do on my man Jordyn. I don't like it so far. I'm team Jordan.

[B]

Well, it only makes sense because Lex isn't the only newcomer this year. Tyler's sister Amber has also brought her girlfriend.

[C]

Mm.

[B]

And her girlfriend has brought her giant Great Dane named Rufus.

[C]

Oh, I love Rufus.

[B]

Rufus did cause a lot of drama, I'm sure. To be clear, Linda, our matriarch, was already not necessarily thrilled about both Tyler and Amber bringing partners. Cause it really throws off the pie ratio, you know? Like, it's a lot of work. She's used to cutting in a specific way. But also, Linda really does not fuck with pets. She never has. The closest Tyler and Amber and Jordan had come to having a pet as children was the time a squirrel got into the attic of the cabin.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

Amber knows her mother. So she hadn't even asked to bring Rufus?

[C]

No.

[B]

If she didn't ask, then her mom couldn't say no.

[C]

See, at this point, if I'm mom, I'm like, you don't get any pie. That's it. Cause how dare you? You don't take this choice away from me. This is a holiday also for somebody who doesn't do pets or dogs. You gonna bring the biggest one you can find? They're slobbery and they knocking stuff over. No. No pie. No pie for Amber.

[B]

Is this not, like, no offense, the biggest baby in the family energy possible to just not ask?

[C]

Yes, absolutely. Like, it's the whole.

[B]

The whole.

[C]

Don't ask for permission. Ask for forgiveness. Ask for forgiveness.

[B]

Yeah. When Amber had pulled up to the cabin with her girlfriend and Rufus in tow, Linda had screamed, I'm sure. Before blocking the entry to the cabin with her body until some ground rules had been agreed to.

[C]

Yes, Linda. Team Linda.

[B]

So Rufus was not to touch a single piece of furniture. He will not be on the couch. Rufus poop Was not to be left in the backyard, nor was it to be brought in the cabin. Linda did not care how cold it was. The trash cans are on the side of the cabin.

[C]

Mm. Mm.

[B]

And if Rufus had any accident in the house or on the deck, well, prepare to hear from Linda's accountant.

[C]

Not the accountant.

[B]

You will be receiving a bill.

[C]

And you will have 30 days to pay it. Otherwise.

[B]

Otherwise, you'll be hearing from Linda's lawyer.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. Lex had watched this entire scene from Inside the cabin with Jordan and Tyler, who were both deeply unfazed by it. And to be fair, after Linda got over the dog, things went pretty smoothly. Like Lex and Amber immediately start binging a new season of Survivor on the massive TV in the basement. While Jordan and Tyler and their dad just play pool, everyone spends the evening drinking in the hot tub. It's a pretty sweet deal. Until the day before Thanksgiving.

[A]

Normal Gossip is sponsored by AT&T, who believe that hearing a voice can change everything. And if you love podcasts, you get it. The power of hearing someone speak is unmatched. It's why we saved those voicemails from our loved ones. They mean something for me. When I need a one on one holiday boost, I call my mom. She's always been there for me and her voice always feels like home. And when I have an idea that I'm amped about and need to talk through, I call my best friend Danielle. She is always down to brainstorm and.

[B]

I'll know I'll be able to hear.

[A]

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[B]

This is the day that Linda makes the sweet potato pie. And as soon as she starts making it, Lex starts to understand why it is such a big deal. There is so much butter in the crust that this whole massive cabin smells like, like butter and cinnamon for hours.

[C]

Oh, that sounds lovely.

[B]

Lex's mouth is already watering and the pie won't even be ready until tomorrow cause it has to be chilled overnight and then reheated. So the pie is cooling down to room temp on the counter. Everyone starts helping to make dinner for the night or prepping for the big Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. They're like dicing onions and celery. They're cooking cornbread for dressing. Lex can't stop sneaking looks at the pie because like in its giant fancy glass dish, it looks like something out of like a Ralph Lauren holiday spread. How do you feel about whodunits, like Murder on the Orient Express type locked room antics?

[C]

I literally just watched Death on the Nile last night with my family for Sunday family movie day. So I love a whodunnit, I love a locked door mystery. I love Agatha Christie and Poirot. I'm into it.

[B]

Wow, you were right on the vibe. For today's story, after everything's been prepped and everyone's eating dinner, they all sort of go their separate ways in the cabin. Like, Amber and her girlfriend head out to the hot tub. Jordan leaves the charge downstairs to the basement to continue the pool marathon. Lex is pretty sure she heard someone mention cornhole, because this is the Midwest. Of course, what matters here is that no one is really in the kitchen for a couple of hours. But also, everyone is coming in and out of the kitchen in these hours for, like, beers and snacks and seltzers. This is very important because it is during these couple of hours that the sweet potato pie goes missing.

[C]

Dun, dun, dun.

[B]

No one notices until it's almost time for bed. Like, Linda's getting ready to put the pie in the fridge to chill overnight, and she notices the pie isn't where she left it, cooling on the counter. Linda's like, y', all, I can't find the pie. Has anyone seen it? And at first, no one except for Lex and Amber's girlfriend. Everyone else there knows Linda. And One thing about Ms. Linda is that she is like me and just continually leaves things in places that just are not quite right. Like, her kids grew up finding jars of pickles in the sink or bottles of honey in the fridge, where it's like, I see what you were trying to do, but also, how did this happen?

[A]

Right?

[C]

That's not productive.

[B]

So at first, everyone's just like, lol, mom, where'd you put the pie? Is it on top of the washing machine?

[C]

Drag her?

[B]

Linda's looking high and low, and she cannot find the pie. And as it takes her longer and longer, everyone starts to join in on the hunt. How long would you have to look for something before you decided something was amiss?

[C]

I think it depends on what the something is. Like, my keys. It could take a couple days for me to find keys, you know, But a pie, 15 minutes, and then I'm like, family meeting. One of y' all did something weird with the pie. Yeah, and we gotta figure it out, because pies don't grow legs and walk away. One of y' all ate the pan.

[B]

After about half an hour of searching, Linda officially declares the pie is missing.

[C]

Looking for a pie for 30 minutes is so the noodles to me.

[B]

Linda declares the pie is missing. And you would expect her to be upset about this because she's spent so long making the pie. And she is. Like, she's clearly upset. But it's also pretty easy to tell that as this search goes on and on, that Linda Is getting kind of excited. Cause miss Linda loves murder, she wrote. She lives for Perry Mason and Matlock. So she immediately straps in for an investigation.

[C]

Get the serial killer board with the thread ready.

[B]

Exactly. The whole family is also locked in, Even Lex's, because 40% of why Lex came on this trip was to taste this pie. And when Lex had suggested that they just make another pie, Linda had shot her a look that very clearly communicated that that was not happening.

[C]

Not even an option. Why would you.

[B]

We're not doing that. So our friend of her friend Lex knows her only chance of tasting this famous pie is finding the one that went missing. Everyone quickly determines that the snatch and grab had to have happened after dinner because it couldn't have happened when everyone was in the kitchen. Someone surely would have noticed. So it must have happened after everyone sort of like scattered to the wind after dinner. How would you go about solving this mystery? What's your first step?

[C]

Okay, so it's a fragrant pie, right? Like, smell everybody's breath, like, do you smell like pie or. No. You know, but yeah, there are ways around that, right? You know, brush teeth, drink some. An alcoholic. You know, bad idea. Trace.

[B]

Listen, you got to throw all the ideas out, right?

[C]

The dot. Look at the dog's paws. Maybe there's some pieces placed somewhere on that seven foot tall dog that's in the house. He could definitely reach up high.

[B]

That's true. The first thing our intrepid detectives do is try to eliminate suspects.

[C]

Very logical. All right.

[B]

Yeah. So Linda clearly having too much fun with this. Like, she has found an old hotel notepad in a junk drawer, and she's making everyone account for their whereabouts. And they all have to do it separately so they can't conspire. So they're like, filing in and out of the kitchen one at a time. And for some reason, Linda has suddenly started saying indubitably a lot.

[C]

Absolutely. I love Linda so much. So very much.

[B]

When Linda's done questioning them all separately, she gathers them in the kitchen, and she's looking at her notes, and she's like, okay, here's what I've got. After dinner, in the hours, we've all agreed the pie must have gone missing. Tyler played one game of cornhole with Lex and dad, Where Tyler specifies that he whipped ass.

[C]

Indubitably.

[B]

Indubitably. Tyler then joined Jordan in the basement, Where Jordan was in the middle of a game of pool against me.

[A]

Mom.

[B]

Meanwhile, Lex and dad continued to play cornhole, where they saw Amber's girlfriend walking Rufus. They Also had eyes on Amber in the hot tub. She was later joined by her girlfriend. Everyone is accounted for. Linda says, everyone except the dog.

[C]

Dun, dun, dun. Rufus. Oh, Rufus.

[B]

Amber's girlfriend looks like she's been shot.

[C]

Not my baby. My baby.

[B]

I don't know if you know anything about 20 something girls and their dogs, but to Amber's girlfriend, this is the equivalent of a murder accusation. Amber's girlfriend is like, what are you talking about? You just said you saw me walking him. And Linda, like, strokes her chin before saying, yes, but what about after the walk when you were in the hot tub? No one else could remember seeing him.

[C]

I feel like you would notice the dog in the hot tub. He was not in the hot tub.

[B]

Certainly that dog. Amber's girlfriend is like, rufus did not eat that pie. He doesn't even like sweet potatoes. You can ask Amber. Wait a minute. Amber's like, mom, chill. She's right. Rufus doesn't like sweet potatoes. He only likes butternut squash.

[C]

This is.

[B]

And this is when Amber's girlfriend is like, I think you just don't like my dog.

[C]

Ooh, now it's getting personal.

[B]

And Linda says, you're right. I don't like your dog. He's not even really a dog. He's a horse. Linda's like, this is the first year we've had a dog here for Thanksgiving. And for the first time, the pie goes missing. Coincidence? I think not.

[C]

I think not. Indubitably, Linda. Indubitably.

[B]

Amber's like, mom, Rufus was outside the whole time. I could see him from the hot tub. And Linda's like, of course you would say that. You didn't even warn me he was coming.

[C]

Got him. Your allegiance has been commandeered. Can't trust it. Uh huh. Uh huh. I'm with it.

[B]

And this is when Amber's girlfriend decides to say to Linda, you know what? I don't remember you telling us about your whereabouts.

[C]

Ooh.

[B]

When the pie went missing. Ooh. How do we know you didn't take the pie? You've had a grudge against Rufus since you saw him.

[C]

She set up ridiculous. Wait, though. Our girl Linda, she likes this stuff. This is her cup of tea. She could have staged the whole thing.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

And you know what? I would do something similar if I was Linda. Because why not? Everybody else coming and having fun, just bringing dogs and horses all crazy. Let's have some fun then, P. Dog.

[B]

You said you want to have fun. Let's have some fun.

[C]

Y' all want to play? Let's.

[B]

At this accusation, it is Linda's turn to look like she has been shot. She's like, my whereabouts don't need to be accounted for, because why would I waste eight hours baking this pie if all I wanted was to get rid of that beast?

[C]

Oh. Oh. Linda does have it out for Rufus, though. Linda, you're not helping your case, ma'.

[B]

Am. Linda's like, I didn't even have to let you in. You could have gone home.

[C]

Fair point. Touche, Linda. Touche. Indubitably.

[B]

Indubitably. Finally, this is when Jordan intercedes, because as the middle child, he is used to being the peacemaker. He's like, all right, I think this is getting a little too heated. It's a pie, and I'm sure it'll turn up in the morning. Why don't we all just go to sleep? And so this is what they do. They all go to sleep. Who is your primary suspect so far?

[C]

Okay, so I'm ruling Rufus out because.

[B]

He doesn't like sweet potato.

[C]

Allegedly. He probably doesn't like sweet potatoes. He likes butter and sugar and cinnamon. You know?

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[C]

Rufus would have ate the pie. But I feel like if Rufus did eat the pie, where is he gonna hide the dish, right?

[B]

That's true.

[C]

He would have made a mess. He's a big old slobbery dog, all legs, all akimbo and whatnot. The dish would have been in kitchen, and he would have been in a corner somewhere looking very guilty, as dogs.

[B]

Are one to do.

[C]

So it was not Rufus. I hope it was Linda, because it just sounds fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, I now want to recreate this with my own family. But do I think it was Linda? I do not.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

The only truly, truly logical explanation to me, given the family background and history, is that it was Jordan, but it's too obvious, so it probably wasn't Jordan. I don't know. This is why I'm not a detective, because I'm too way too indecisive.

[B]

Well, as soon as Lex and Tyler get back to their room that night, Lex is like, tyler, I promise I won't tell anyone if you took the pie, but please put it back. I have to try it.

[C]

Eyes on the prize. She's focused. She's like, yeah, your family issues. Whatever. I need this piece.

[B]

Lex is like, also, your mom's a little scary, so put it back. If you took it, Tyler's like, I wish I had taken it. This is brilliant. And he looks legitimately jealous enough of whoever did this that for a moment Lex puts her suspicion down. And so she's like, okay, I think it's Jordan. He has the strongest motive at this. Tyler just laughs and he's like, it couldn't be Jordan. You saw how he calmed everyone down. Like, that's just not his vibe. And Tyler's like, I think Amber's girlfriend might be onto something. Mom is a little too into this whole thing. So the next morning is Thanksgiving Day. It starts bright and early when the whole house is woken up by the sound of Linda screaming. It's not until they get downstairs that they realize she's screaming out of excitement and not from, like, being murdered or something.

[C]

Great news.

[B]

Tyler is like, mom, what the fuck? And Linda just points to the fridge, where on a shelf is the missing piece. Except something is different about the pie. Someone or something has cut a perfectly round circle right out of the middle of the pie.

[C]

Oh, I love it.

[B]

I personally find this deeply unsettling. But how would you react if you were in this cabin in the woods and this pie turns up with a perfectly round circle cut out the middle of it?

[C]

My first thought would probably be, oh, my God, it's a ghost. And why is it so evil and hungry? Like, can ghosts even eat? Would a ghost like maple sweet potato pie? Lots of questions on that end. In this particular case, I would feel like, Mom, I would just be so into it. This is the movie that I've always wanted to star in. Like, it keeps getting richer, and there's just more and more evidence to consider. And now y' all are just being weird. Also, clearly not Rufus. Dogs are not great at the whole cutting a circular piece of pie part. You know, lack of thumbs is a reason I would be very, very hype. I would be like, on what Linda is on. That's where I be.

[B]

Amber's girlfriend is like, I told you Rufus would never do something like this.

[C]

Justice for Rufus.

[B]

Innocent. Meanwhile, everyone else is, like, jumping up and down. They're buzzing with excitement and also, just, like, a little bit of actual fear because, like, what the fuck is going on?

[C]

Yeah, it's getting weird.

[B]

It's getting weird. But there are no further clues to be found. So at a certain point, everyone's like.

[A]

Okay, I guess we just gotta get.

[B]

On with the holiday.

[C]

Yeah. Like, do you eat the pie? You don't know what took the circle out of the pie? Is the pie contaminated now? Is it even the same pie?

[B]

That's a question I was gonna ask you. Would you eat the pie that has a perfectly round circle cut out of.

[C]

It If I have never had a piece of this pie and I have been all hyped up and just like, ready for some pie, had my mouth all ready for some pie, as the ancestors would say. I would. But I would have somebody else eat some pie first. Wait like 30, 45 minutes. And if they're okay, I would sample a piece of pie that had a perfectly round hole cut out of it.

[B]

I also would. Ciara said that she wouldn't.

[C]

Makes sense.

[B]

No, exactly. And I'm like that. And that does make sense. However, I will be trying the pie. Cause, like, I really feel like to get a perfectly round circle, the method you use is like, pretty clear, you.

[C]

Know, Also the perfect circleness of said piece missing from the pie. I would count that as more evidence towards Linda, who is the baker. Right. Who else could extract a perfectly circular circle without disturbing the rest of the pie? I couldn't.

[B]

No. Same literally all day. Everyone is trading theories. They're coming up with their little hypotheses. But it's not until dinner that the speculating really starts. The table is set. The decor is immaculate. There is a beautiful autumnal spread with tiny little pumpkins on the table. Linda's even made placards for people.

[C]

Aww.

[B]

Everyone sits. And then the accusations start in earnest.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Tyler now thinks that it's Amber, his sister, and that she only gave the pie back because Linda was accusing her girlfriend's dog. This is all it takes for Amber to think that the culprit is Tyler. And this is how it goes all through dinner. Everyone has their turn in the hot seat. Even Lex is accused by none other than Linda, who is still a little peeved about the fucked up pie ratio.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

Linda's like, why did Lex suggest baking another pie so quickly after the pie went missing? Cause she already knew it was gone.

[C]

Now, miss Linda, I don't. I can't follow this line of logic. What's the opposite of indubitably? Yeah, dubitably. I am dubitable.

[B]

Yeah. Lex is like, that doesn't even make sense. Great. Besides, Lex is like, it's obviously Jordan. She's like, tyler told me about the time everyone ate his pie. I would hold the grudge over that.

[C]

Mm. Mm.

[B]

And this is when Jordan sort of cocks his head to the side.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

And then he's like, tyler told you everyone ate my pie. Lex looks at Tyler, who suddenly looks really, really sheepish.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

And Lex is like, yeah, that's what he told me. And Jordan starts laughing.

[C]

Oh, Tyler, what have you Done.

[B]

Jordyn's like, I guess that's technically right. But it was Tyler that took the first bite.

[C]

Mm. Throwing rocks and hiding your hands. Eating pie and hiding your hand.

[B]

Lex's jaw drops. She's like, how well do I know my boyfriend?

[C]

Right?

[B]

I've been dating her for two years.

[C]

Who even are you?

[B]

She's like, is this the reason he's so sure that Jordan didn't take the piece? Is it because he took it?

[C]

Of course he did.

[B]

Amber, his sister, is on the exact same wavelength. Amber's like, it has to be Tyler because Tyler took the first bite all those years ago. And what's missing from the pie, but a sort of first bite.

[C]

Indubitably. Indeed. Huh. Okay. All right. Okay, okay.

[B]

And on and on. These people go all the way up until dessert. We are almost at the end of our Thanksgiving dinner and thus our story.

[C]

Oh, man.

[B]

Do you have any final answers that you wanna lock in as to who you think stole this pie?

[C]

Okay. Examining the new evidence. Right. We have this information about Tyler and the true story of the initial pie eating moment. Right. Credibility is down the drain. Can't trust you as far as I can throw you. Tyler also seems to have been sort of like in the background, kind of just like watching everything happen, watching the puppets dance. Can't discount that. So my top two, in order.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Let me do that again. Terrible. Detective Sheriff Tracy, do you know who did it? Yes, one of two people. I think that Tyler looks the best for this. And it really is just like his credibility being just torn down by his willingness to be dishonest in the first place. Also his willingness to lead the charge in eating this poor 8 year old boy's pie. Like, you've got that tendency in you, right? Or it's Jordan. And I kind of hope it is because Jordan deserves justice. And just like little Tracy deserves justice for the Halloween mask 30 years ago. Okay, final two answers. One or the two?

[B]

I love these choices. At this point, our friend of a friend Lex, does not even care that much because she's like, all I want to do is taste this goddamn pie. I don't care about the mystery. I don't care about this kind of unsettling hole in the middle of the pie. I just need to taste this piece. So she, along with everyone else, is crowding around as Linda takes the pie out the oven. Mouths are watering. Linda's cutting the pie. She's doling out slices. And she gets to Jordan. And Linda's like, jordan, are you ready for your Piece. Where's your plate? And this is when Jordan is like, oh, I already have my piece. Everyone's head whips around like, what the fuck is he talking about? And this is when everyone sees Jordan at the head of the table, his fingers stickled together like a villain in an Austin Powers movie. And in front of him on a plate in a perfect circle, is the missing piece of sweet potato pie.

[C]

Jordan. This has healed me somehow. This has healed me. Amazing. Oh, amazing.

[B]

Everyone's jaw drops except for Letts, who's like, I fucking knew it. And Jordan's like, have any of you ever heard the expression that revenge, like, pie is best served cold?

[C]

Oh, man. Oh, so good. It's so good.

[B]

For years, I bided my time. Jordan said, all of you thought I'd gotten over it. Meanwhile, year after year, I planned and I plotted. I stole the pie right out from under your noses. You thought I went to the basement to play pool, but I was hiding the pie in the mini fridge. Tyler almost caught me, but he was too busy gloating over his cornhole victory. The rest of you didn't even notice for hours. And then what did you do? Overlook me again? You ruled me out, even if I left you such an obvious. The middle of the pie for the middle child.

[C]

Oh, this is too good. I want to watch this movie. I need this movie, like, tomorrow.

[B]

Everyone's jaws are agape except for Lex, who's just gloating at being right at her first family holiday. Everyone watches as Jordan takes a bite out of the little circle of pie. He's like, great pie this year, Mom. And that's the end of our story.

[C]

This is the most fun I've ever had in my life. I have to say. This really is cinematic. Like, I can see this. Like, okay, casting, mom is Nia Long. And honestly, that's the only casting I have right now.

[B]

We can build out from Nia Long is the thing. That's nice. You know, I love the idea of Nia Long getting really excited over a little mystery. Yes.

[C]

Yes. She's got her little notepad and notebook.

[B]

Yeah. She's making people come in and out of the room separately.

[C]

No talking to each other. We're not gonna corroborate stories here.

[B]

Literally.

[C]

Literally.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Do you think there's a villain here?

[C]

Yes. The villain is everybody who ate Jordan's pie all those years ago. You kind of brought it on yourself.

[B]

And then keep telling that story every year like, it's funny.

[C]

Exactly that part. Like, oh, okay, we still laughing about it.

[A]

Huh?

[C]

Huh. All right. Okay. What a wholesome case of revenge. I would have only liked it better if Jordan, like, framed Tyler specifically. Yeah, so that Tyler gets to know what it's like to have nobody listen to him and believe him. And he gets to feel that helplessness that he imposed on poor Jordan as an 8 year old. Jordan was just minding his business on Halloween, trying to look through his candy. Oh, sorry, that's my story.

[B]

Sorry I was like, Halloween.

[C]

I'm seeing myself a little too clearly in this story.

[B]

That's beautiful. You and Jordan, bestie.

[C]

Yeah, I would love to shake Jordan's hand. Indubitably, sir. Indubitably.

[B]

Indubitably. So I do have some small updates. Ooh. Okay, let's did confirm that this pie is as good as everyone made it out to be. Amber and her girlfriend broke up a few months after this whole fiasco. They apparently couldn't come back from all the accusing that was done. Amber's girlfriend was like, my dog was traumatized by these events.

[C]

I mean, I get it. Justice for Rufus.

[B]

Lex does end up marrying Tyler despite finding out that he lied about this family story. Though she always makes sure to corroborate any family story he tells her with Jordyn.

[C]

Smart.

[B]

And Tyler's never allowed to tell the story of the maple sweet potato pie, which Lutz tells us is still told every single year. Except now Jordan gets to tell it because the ending has obviously been updated and revenge is pretty fucking sweet. Thank you for listening to Normal gossip.

[A]

If you have a gossip story to.

[B]

Share with us, email us@normal gossipefactor.com or you can leave us a voicemail at 2679 GOSSIP. If you love this podcast, want to support us, become a friend or a friend of a [e-mail] you can follow the show on Instagram and TikTok At Normal Gossip you can follow me on all social media. Eydanae H E Y Y D N A e this podcast was produced by Sierra Spragley Ritz and Jay Tobiera. Our audio engineer is Samantha Gatzick. The co creators and dowager queens of Normal gossip are Kelsey McKinney and defector supervising producer Alex Sujong Laughlin. Justin Ellis is Defectors projects editor. Jasper Wang and Sean Kuhn are defectors business guys. Tom Ley is our editor in chief. Dan McQuaid runs our merch store which you can find at normalgossip store. Tara Jacoby designed our show art. Thank you to Brandi Jensen, David Ra, Katherine Shue Serena Embler, Chris Thompson, Dave McKenna, Patrick Redford and Ray Rato for your help on this season. Thank you to the rest of the Defector staff. Defector Media is a collectively owned subscriber based media company. Normal Gossip is a proud member of Radiotopia. I'm your host, Rachel Hampton.

[A]

And remember it. You didn't hear this from me.

[C]

Radiotopia from prx.