Monster-in-Law with Chelsea Devantez

Summary

Podcast Summary: Normal Gossip – "Monster-in-Law with Chelsea Devantez"

Air Date: December 17, 2025
Host: Rachel Hampton
Guest: Chelsea Devantez

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Episode Overview

This delightfully juicy episode of Normal Gossip features Emmy-nominated writer and comedian Chelsea Devantez (host of the Glamorous Trash podcast) to discuss the perils and intricacies of mother-in-law relationships—particularly one rich, detail-laden saga involving a hutch, family dynamics, and the fine art of not rocking the boat (until you absolutely must). The conversation swings from celebrity memoirs and the anthropology of gossip, to first-hand tales of comedy writing in Hollywood, before digging into this week's anonymous gossip story: a "Monster-in-Law" drama that truly delivers.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Gossip, Celebrity Memoirs & the Meaning of It All

• Chelsea and Rachel muse on the nature of gossip, why it endures, and its light/dark sides.
• Chelsea explains her "book dull test" for celebrity memoirs, focusing on vulnerability, entertainment, and life lessons, rather than just the "dirt."

  "The beautiful thing that can come out of [celebrity memoirs] is this sort of anthropological study of what is going on in culture... That's the light side of gossip." — Chelsea (05:01)

• The pair discuss the blurring lines between publicity and authenticity in the age of social media:

  "I kind of don't think you can spread your own gossip... You can tell your own truth, but, like, me telling you who I fucked—that's not gossip. You've got to tell someone else." — Chelsea (07:27) “Just definitionally, gossip is about someone who's not in the room.” — Rachel (07:55)

2. Chelsea’s Hollywood Gossip & Working with the Difficult

• Chelsea recounts a personal, anonymized tale: on a comedy show she wrote for, a mean-spirited actress would ask Chelsea for jokes, pass them off as improvised, and take credit, even though she was nasty to other women on set.

  "Every day she would be like, ‘Yep, just improvised again, boys.’ And I have kept that secret until now.” — Chelsea (10:13)

• They riff on why women feel the need to impress men in the industry, and the complicated lines between boosting and being used.

3. What Makes a ‘Monster-in-Law?’

• Chelsea offers her screenwriter's perspective on mother-in-law tropes, sharing that her own relationship with her mother-in-law is complicated but, at heart, loving; her wedding even included a billboard photo spread for their moms to honor their sacrifices.

  “Mother-in-law is a relationship... where you grow up seeing these tropes that are truly scathing toward women.” — Chelsea (14:49)

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The Main Story: The Hutch Heist (Starts ~16:30)

Cast of Characters

• Emmaline: Bullet-journaling, artistic, practical; new wife married into wealth.
• Tess: Emmaline’s wife; baby of a very rich family, passive to her mother’s will.
• Gigi: Tess’s mother, "monster-in-law"; family matriarch, board member of the family foundation, opinionated and controlling.
• Aunt Paula: Gigi’s artistic, free-spirited sister; the dark horse in a family of inheritors.

Story Beats & Memorable Moments

• Meet Cute + Class Reveal (16:51–20:23)

  • Emmaline and Tess meet in a Brooklyn lesbian birding club; move in quickly.
  • Early signs of old money: Montblanc pens, custom furniture, and a trust fund (“I’m rich. Like, really, really rich.” — Tess, paraphrased at 19:00).
  • Prenup offers a $1M divorce payout. Emmaline, “Let me not block my blessing with something as trivial as financial transparency.” (19:41)

• The Matriarchal Rules (21:21–26:24)

  • Tess’s family is “liberal Succession,” all with trust funds managed by Gigi, who runs family holidays and punishes anyone who crosses her (e.g., detailed lectures on which tartan is appropriate for Christmas).

• Mother-in-Law Tactics:

  "[With tough people,] I just play dead... No opinions, no feelings, no movement." — Chelsea (22:46)

  • The hosts discuss “playing dead” (Chelsea) vs. “gray rocking” as strategies for surviving high-conflict in-laws.

• House-Hunting, Renovation—and Machinations (27:14–30:15)

  • Tess and Emmaline decide to buy a house in Philly (Fitler Square, $1.5M), considering staying closer to Gigi once Tess accesses her trust fund at 30.
  • Gigi offers to pay for renovations—a dangerous offer. (Chelsea: “You’re doing it knowing she’s building an underground tunnel to your bedroom.” — 28:25)

• The Hutch at the Heart of It All (31:10–44:01)

  • At Aunt Paula’s, Emmaline falls for a family heirloom hutch with hand-carved Baltimore Orioles. Paula, after a dramatic exchange, lets Emmaline claim it.
  • Gigi immediately tries to interpose herself—offering to "store" the hutch at a family home, Spring Beauty—setting off alarms for Emmaline and the listener.
  • Emmaline ultimately accepts, despite warnings.

• The Great Retrieval & Gigi’s Fury (44:32–47:50)

  • After the house renovations, when the couple asks about reclaiming the hutch, Gigi refuses, claiming to have “fallen in love” with it.

  “Girls, I’m so sorry, but I’ve fallen in love with the hutch.” — Gigi, relayed by Rachel (39:00)

  • Gigi offers to pay for any new hutch, all renovation costs, and a trip to Paris, if they’ll just let her keep it. (“To me, this feels like a good deal.” — Rachel, 40:17)
  • Aunt Paula, learning the situation, delivers the hutch directly and tells Emmaline to “please tip the movers.” (44:01)

• The Group Chat Debacle & Aftermath (44:32–49:07)

  • Emmaline accidentally sends a “thank you for the hutch” photo to the family group chat, including Gigi, who instantly responds with “Thief” and robber emojis (45:16).

  “Thief.” (Gigi, in all caps, 45:16)

  • Aunt Paula steps in, publicly reminding Gigi that the will supports Paula’s right, and that Gigi had once rejected the hutch as “an old dinky hutch” when first offered.
  • The drama fizzles; Gigi never visits the new house, noting that the hutch is now a symbol of “her younger sister’s betrayal and her daughter's collusion.” (49:21)

Notable Quotes

• “It's giving Peter in ‘The Hunger Games’, turning himself into a rock.” — Rachel, on Chelsea’s conflict-avoidant tactics (23:37)
• “You can buy me a new bed, or what's going on here?” — Chelsea, on learning a partner has a trust fund (19:29)
• “You've already ruined your life, at least find out what legal protections you have!” — Chelsea, on following up about the will (47:17)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Celebrity Memoir/Gossip Theory: 04:38–08:07
• Chelsea's Hollywood Work Gossip: 09:10–12:19
• Mother-in-Law Stereotypes: 14:32–16:26
• Anonymous Story Starts: 16:32
• The Hutch Heist Accelerates: 31:10
• The Group Chat Catastrophe: 44:32
• Gigi’s Final Exile: 49:07

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Tone & Style

The tone is deliciously irreverent, snappy, and playful, with both Chelsea and Rachel leaning into hyperbolic, candid humor, and taking joy in dissecting the drama of strangers. The episode delivers second-hand drama with empathy, insight, and a kind of gleeful armchair analysis unique to Normal Gossip.

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Final Thoughts

The story ends with everyone standing firm in their roles—Emmaline and Tess with the hutch, Gigi licking her wounds, Aunt Paula triumphant, and the family as fractured as ever. As Chelsea notes:

"Every single one of them is a villain for putting any time and energy into this and not spending all of their time realizing their life is paid for and they should put some good into the world beyond your stupid fonts." (48:53)

It’s a masterclass in how generational wealth, family tradition, and pettiness collide—served as only Normal Gossip can.

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Transcript

[A]

Hey, it's Alex Sujong Laughlin, and I am here with the Rachel Hampton of Normal Gossip.

[B]

Hello. Hello, Alex.

[A]

And I'm also here with Patrick Redford of Only if youf Get Caught. Hi, Patty.

[C]

Howdy. How we doing?

[A]

So we're all here together because the annual Radiotopia fundraiser is upon us, and we are still trying to reach 1500 donors by the end of the year. So Radiotopia is the network that sells our ads, that does our marketing. Rachel, what does it mean to you to be a part of an independent network?

[B]

I mean, I think it means mostly, and most importantly to me, a lot of editorial freedom. I love that. I'm not beholden to anyone. When we're scheduling how many seasons we do every year or how many episodes we want to make, we get to make the show that is the most sustainable for us and that allows us to make the best version of the show possible. Huge.

[A]

I totally agree. I think that something that I have really appreciated about Radiotopia is that they give us total control over what advertisers we say yes and no to. So, like, in the past, we've had advertisers that we've worked with who then maybe we hear from our audience that, you know, they're not so into them, and we can go back to Radiotopia and say, hey, we. We don't want to do that anymore. And I think not a lot of podcasts have that kind of autonomy over who is advertising for them, which is really cool.

[B]

Definitely. And it means that the things that we do advertise, we actually tend to enjoy. Shocker.

[A]

Patrick, tell me, what does being independent mean to you?

[C]

Well, this is maybe a sort of oblique answer, but, like, in sports media specifically over the past few years, everyone is, like, underwritten by a gambling company. And you can just see when there's these big stories, you know, cheating adjacent about gambling and sports that, like, so much of media is, like, compromised. And it's such a breath of fresh air to, like, not have to deal with that, to just know that, like, whatever we put out there is, like, our own thoughts. There's no, like, intervening layer of owners or advertisers. And hopefully that comes through to the viewer. Like, hopefully you see that, like, you know, there's a certain level of honesty that we can bring to this.

[A]

So if you love this show and you want shows like ours to exist and thrive, help our podcast neighbors at Radiotopia by donating at Radiotopia fm. Donate. Thank you so much.

[B]

Free audio post production by alphonic.com. Hello and welcome to Normal Gossip. I'm your host, Rachel Hampton, and in each episode of this podcast, we're gonna bring you an anonymous morsel of gossip from the real world. I'm gonna remind you guys one more time that the Normal Gossip team has got a little break coming up. We will not be publishing during the weeks of Christmas and New Year, but have no fear, we'll be back in your feeds with fresh gossip within the first full week of 2026. So our last episode for this year is this one, the one you are listening to right now that premiered on December 17th. We will be back on January 7th. Now, I know we normally don't do this, have breaks in the middle of the season, and I've heard through the grapevine that y' all have all been very, very good this year. So I can't promise anything, but there may or may not be a little holiday gift for y' all here in the Normal Gossip feed on Christmas Eve. Something I maybe wouldn't recommend listening to with your family unless you're really, really close. That's all I'll say for now. Onto the Gossip. Today's guest is Emmy nominated writer and comedian Chelsea Devontes. Chelsea hosts the podcast Glamorous Trash, where she recaps and discusses celebrity memoirs. So she is a repository of both Hollywood knowledge and gossip. Chelsea, hello. Thank you so much for joining me.

[D]

This is an honor, an honor and a privilege. Thank you for having me.

[B]

This is actually our second time talking about gossip. Way back In November of 2023, we had you on ICYMI to talk about the year in celebrity, which is your area of expertise. And I remember you saying something along the lines of the genre of celebrity memoirs sort of inextricably bound up with gossip. Yes. So I wanted to ask what came first for you? Was it the interest in celebrities or an interest in gossip? Or is it sort of like a chicken and egg situation?

[D]

It was an interest in the arts and a career here. And me opening each book to be like, how did you get here? Tell me everything. And then I think it became even though, yeah, they absolutely are tied with gossip, I think there's a light side and a dark side to celebrity gossip. And in the memoirs, the beautiful thing that can come out of it is this sort of anthropological study of, like, what is going on in culture. These, like, giant cultural ideas that suddenly feel so understandable when taken through the lens of Britney Spears doing spins on Instagram. And you're like, I think I know where we're at with women. And that is something that is such a gift from celebrities.

[B]

You.

[D]

It's like the adult fairy tale characters. They're real living human beings, especially the women, just giving us so much meaning. And that's where I think that's the light side of gossip. And then the dark side of gossip. It's Demi Moore being like, Ashton. Culture doesn't believe sobriety is real.

[B]

Yeah. Unfortunately, the kind of gross side is what keeps me tuning in. Mm.

[D]

Oh, I love that. So you're. You're here for, like, the juice. You're here for, like, who is settling scores, naming names, like, who they have sex with?

[B]

Yeah. Oh, 100%.

[D]

I have a very weird take on Memoirs, which is the one I bring to the podcast, which I asked three questions about the book to pass what I call the book dull test. If you got that reference, you're a real one. But I do the book dual test at the end of my podcast, and it asks, was the author vulnerable when they were sharing their truth? Was it entertaining? And did it elevate your life in any way? Which is a very different way to look at another test. I feel like the more common test is, did they talk shit? Did I learn gossip, and did I get to hate on them? And I just see it a different way because these books have been helping me my whole life. Like, Delta Burke's memoir truly saved my life when I was a teenager because, as you remember, she was cast out of Hollywood for the crime of being a size 10.

[B]

Lock me up.

[A]

Right.

[D]

And being a woman trying on jeans in Abercrombie, where an available size was double zero. Delta Burke really healed me in that moment.

[B]

Yeah. That makes me want to ask a sort of cerebral question, which is, do you feel like our modern idea of what a celebrity is can exist without the concept of gossip?

[D]

I think absolutely, yes. Now, because the walls of what gossip used to mean with celebrities and how we interacted with them has wholly been burned to the ground with social media. And we used to, you know, really think about celebrities through, like, what Hedda Gabler was, like, gossiping about the 1940s. And that was our only perception. And it was really inextricably tied with publicity and money and making sure the movie made money, where now there's so much available and you can own control and create your own narrative that I guess if you consider the idea that they're spreading their own gossip, then yes. But I kind of don't think you can spread your own gossip like you can create your own lore. You can tell your own truth, but, like, me telling you, like, who I fucked, like, is. That's not gossip. You've got to tell someone else who I fucked.

[B]

Yes, yes. I mean, just. I think definitionally, gossip is about someone who's not in the room. So I feel like you can't spread gossip about yourself, though. If it spreads beyond you, maybe it then circles back to being gossip. Yeah.

[D]

You know what that reminds me of? Matthew McConaughey, the McConaissance. He started that in an interview.

[B]

Oh, really?

[D]

Yes. He was like, oh, my God, People are calling it a McConaissance. And they were like, are they now? And they were like, thank you for the headline. I think that's a successful. I've started my own gossip in the way I wanted it to go. He, like, wins an Oscar the next year.

[B]

That is so funny that he started that himself. I'm gonna start doing that. I'm gonna be like, well, you know, they say Rachel has a fat ass and a small waist. The people have been saying.

[D]

They're like, oh, okay.

[B]

Are they saying that? Who is they in this question?

[D]

Yeah, I'd be like, they say she has the number one podcast, even over all the red pill men. Can you believe?

[B]

Can you believe? They say she's beating out the Joe Rogan experience every day.

[D]

And they're like, sure, we won't check the data.

[B]

No problem. And we won't, and we won't. A little birdie told me that you have some gossip for me.

[D]

You know, it's gossip that also haunts a core part of my life. On one of the shows I worked on, an actress was very insecure about her comedic prowess, and the men in the show were, like, loved improvising. She came up to me one day and was like, hey, can you write me some extra jokes in this scene? And I was like, absolute fucking lutely. I would love to. So I wrote her a bunch of jokes on the side, and then she, you know, goes into the scene, she does them, and they were like, whoa, that was awesome. And she was like, yeah, I can improvise, too. And they're like, you just thought of that? And she's like, yeah, can you believe? And I'm in that. I'm in my headphones being like, oh. And, like, in any other setup, I would have loved this. I would have been like, we got him. You know what I mean? Like, we got them. Except she was so fucking mean to me and so mean to every other woman on the show and would try and, like, Steal their jokes that I felt so utterly robbed. And then every day, it went on for a month, every day she would be like, yep, just improvised again, boys. And I have kept that secret until now.

[B]

Why try to impress men is my question. For what?

[D]

For what? For what? And even if you're like, oh, to have sex with them, you don't have to do that. You don't have to impress them.

[B]

No sex with them. No. You just have to breathe.

[D]

Just put, I don't know, just write it down. Sex, question mark. You don't have to spell it right.

[B]

No, they get it, they get it, they get it.

[D]

And they'll partake if they want.

[B]

They won't.

[D]

They don't know impressing is involved.

[B]

That is so wild also that she assumed that these actors were also improvising their own jokes. Like, what if they were just doing the exact same thing that she was doing, which is stealing jokes from other people.

[D]

And it's interesting because as writer and her as performer, I thought a lot about, like, is she stealing? It is my job to write jokes. It was really only that she could have boosted me my career, been like, oh, yeah, like Chelsea did that or whatever. Because, you know, sexism was running through the show and it's always towards female comedians. People would rather round down on your talent than round up. So I thought a lot about, like, is this kosher? And again, had she been kind in any way, even to other women, not me, I would have loved the coup. I would have been like, yeah, get em. And instead I was like, I've helped a monster look even better on television.

[B]

Ugh. That really does feel like the trials and travails of Hollywood is making people that you secretly know are not good look good on television. Wow.

[D]

Yeah, absolutely. And I would say even, like, making people, you know, behind the scenes look good. When you, like, once you finish a project, you can't turn around and be like, actually, that producer fucking blows.

[B]

I wish you could, though. Yeah.

[D]

I mean, I will say there's a few out there. Like, you know, Jennifer Lawrence would tell you the truth.

[B]

I know when you said Jennifer Lawrence, I was like, well, yeah, of course she was. She's Jennifer Lawrence.

[D]

But you got to get the power first.

[B]

Yes. That was incredible gossip. It does make me reconsider whether or not I want to make my pivot to Hollywood.

[D]

Once you get here, it is hell. But I'll be here to hold your hand. But I'm not going to tell you you're not about to walk through hell every day of your life. That's a lie I'm not going to tell.

[B]

Thank you so much. Come suffer with me before we suffer together. Well, let's suffer together in a different way because I have some gossip for you.

[D]

Okay, maybe.

[B]

Normal gossip is sponsored by AT&T. Hearing a voice can change everything. So AT&T wants everyone to gift their voice to loved ones this holiday season because that conversation is a chance to say something you'll hear forever. AT&T. Connecting changes everything. This is the time of year where it feels like everything just piles up. There's holiday parties, there are gifts that to buy. There's a whole season I need to make. I'm always looking to take something off my plate and that's why I love Butcherbox, which takes something off my plate by putting something better on it. Clean, high quality protein delivered right to my door so that my meals can stay simple, satisfying and nourishing. Even in December. I got a custom box from Butcherbox which included not just Alaskan salmon and cod, but scallops, shrimp, chicken thighs, steak. I haven't had to shop for protein in a really long time. It is so nice to be able to just thaw out what's in my freezer and make it and not have to think about it. As an exclusive offer, our listeners get free steak in every box for a year plus $20 off your first box when you go to butcherbox.com gossip that's right, your choice of filet mignon, New York strip or ribeye in every box for an entire year plus $20 off your first box and free shipping always. That is butcherbox.com gossip don't forget to use our link so they know we sent you. Today's story is about mother in laws.

[D]

Oh my God. Amazing God. I already know whose side I'm on, but I'll try and stay open.

[B]

So I'm not married. I don't have any personal experience with mother in laws. I know that some can be lovely and some can be particular and some.

[D]

Can be both at the same time.

[B]

Tell me about your experience with mother in laws. What's your immediate reaction when you hear the word?

[D]

Well, mother in law is a relationship. You as a writer, you grow up seeing these tropes that are truly scathing towards women. The moment you know their child gets married, they become a harpy, shrewy, bitch. So you try and stay away from them or bring nuance to them or really try and understand it. Now I'm married and my mom has become his mother in law and so I can see her in a different way. And his mom has become my mother in law. Here's the anecdote that will tell you our relationship with our moms. So my husband and I both come from single moms mostly. My mom got married a lot, but single moms who raised three kids. His mom had three kids, different dads. My mom had three kids, different dads. One, we got married. We are the ones who, if your mom was like late on her cell phone bill, like, we're the kids they call to be like, you're paying that, right? Like, we're the little type a star student kids that are like, we'll go get a job and help pay rent, mom. So when we got married, I think it was extra devastating for our mothers. And somehow at our wedding venue, there was a low hanging billboard. I don't know why. And it was right after Covid. So they were like, you can do whatever you want here. Please just have a wedding here. It was years after Covid, but it was like first wedding. And so they're like, you can cover the billboard if you want. And we got our mothers a photo shoot and we put them up on a billboard outside of our wedding venue.

[B]

That's so cute.

[D]

So that they could survive letting their children find love and happiness without them.

[B]

That is adorable. I will be asking for a photo of the billboard.

[D]

Happy to send it. But I think that explains the dynamics of like, so lovely, so great. And also, oh, boy.

[B]

Yeah, you have captured the vibe perfectly. No one thinks about their mother in law when they fall in love. Our friend of a friend certainly had not. And our friend of a friend today is named Emeline. Emeline is a budget analyst for a small arts nonprofit. She's one of those girls who bullet journals.

[D]

I love Emeline. She is my ingenue. Let's go.

[B]

Her handwriting is basically a font. Like, that is how much Emeline loves journaling. And it, in fact, it is Emeline's handwriting that catches the eyes of Tess. Emmeline and Tess met in a lesbian birding club in Brooklyn. They had both spotted a Baltimore oriole at the same time. And when Emmaline went to record the sighting in her bullet journal, Tessa complimented her beautiful handwriting. And it was basically over from there. Like, one second they're following migration patterns and going shopping for birding journals together. And then six months later, they're moving in together. This is pretty fast for Emeline, even as a lesbian, I was gonna say.

[D]

Okay, are you sure she's Lesbian. But all right.

[B]

But she and Tess are so happy. Tess is a graphic designer at a publishing company for artist books. So her and Emeline's aesthetic taste is actually really well matched. Uh oh.

[D]

We're about to get into the wedding. Oh, gosh.

[B]

Okay. Well, speaking of weddings, what to you are the first signs that someone comes for money?

[D]

They drop what college they went to.

[B]

Oh.

[D]

And they think it's an accomplishment that their dad paid for it. You're like, okay, sure. Another sign they come from money is they wear a lot of creme. And I would say a sign in wedding culture that you come from money is that like idiotic things like the invitation and the cake decorations and like the chairs. Like, what are the chair color? Because only rich people have options to choose what kind of chair will be in quantities of 100, 200, and 300.

[B]

And you know what? That is so real. So Emmaline knew Tess was generous. Like, Tess had insisted on paying for all their dates. For their three month anniversary, Tess had bought Emmaline a Mont block pin, which start at $400. It's when they start moving in together and Emmeline starts asking about how they're going to split the rent that Tess finally admits that her parents aren't just like bankers at a Wall street firm. Tess sits Emmeline down and is like, listen, I'm rich. Like, really, really rich. She does not say it like that, but Tess is like, there is a family foundation, there is a trust fund, and my parents pay for all of my housing as long as I'm employed. If you receive this sort of information from your girlfriend of six months that you just moved in with, are you asking any questions?

[D]

Sign me up. You don't want to prenup, right? Get me in this house, you're paying for it. This is a type of luxury I've never tasted.

[B]

I'm in.

[D]

But that's because I'm a little poor trash can. I think the healthy thing to do would be like, wait, wait, back up. And why am I just hearing this now? But for me, I said, I'm like, okay, like, can you buy me a new bed? Or like, what's going on here?

[B]

You and Emmeline are actually kind of on the same page. Emmeline receives this information and she's like, you know what? Let me not block my blessing with something as trivial as financial transparency. So her only response is, I would love you whether you had $0 in your account or $3 million.

[D]

Okay, but I love you more. Now that I know you have $3 million, but okay.

[B]

Emmaline does not ask any questions about the money when Tess furnishes their new apartment with custom furniture. She doesn't ask any questions when Tess proposes to her a year later with a diamond the size of a raspberry. Doesn't even ask any questions when Tess asks her to sign a prenup. Emilyn skims the prenup. She's not dumb.

[D]

Okay, she is if she skims, but okay.

[B]

She sees that there is a million dollar payout in the event of divorce with additional money should any children be produced. So she's like, I'm set. Perfect. More money than I ever thought I would get out of a divorce. The wedding is in the Prospect park boathouse. So cute. Tess pays, obviously, and it's not until after the wedding that Emmeline really starts to think about the family that she is marrying to.

[D]

After the wedding.

[B]

Okay, what kind of vibes would you expect this sort of family to have? A family that has their own foundation?

[D]

Well, it depends because they're paying for a giant princess wedding for a lesbian couple. So I'm sort of like, maybe these are, like the liberals in succession. They're at least half on the right side. They want to give all their money to, like, charities and organizations and, like, help the world. Maybe they are Mrs. Ex Jeff Bezos and she's donating more money than him.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So I've got a pretty open heart at this point.

[B]

Yeah. So obviously Emmeline had met Tessa's family before they got married, and honestly, they were all pretty lovely. It is giving that liberal family in succession for the most part. So Tess is the baby of the family. She has three older siblings. You do not need to know their names. You just need to know that they also have trust funds and their schooling and housing is paid for. The only member of Tess's family whose name you need to know is Gigi, the mom. Well, Gigi is Tess's mom, as you correctly guessed, and thus Emmaline's mother in law. And Gigi is what she requires everyone in her life to call her, except for her children and her employees, of which she has many. Because Gigi is not just managing multiple homes, she is also on the board of the family foundation, which is a job that literally no one else in the family wants. So Gigi is always complaining about it. Being on the board does suck, to be fair. There are, like, meetings with crypto bros. Gigi is also always complaining about how no one in the family helps her plan holidays or birthdays. Or vacations, which is also true. No one helps. But also, like the last time someone had tried to help that someone being the wife of one of Tess's brothers, it had ended with the wife being lectured for hours about what color tartan is allowed in a Ralph Lauren holiday spread. How would you approach having this sort of mother in law?

[D]

I have an approach called play dead. And when I'm with really tough people, I just play dead. I give less than a yes. I give a nod and a smile. No opinions, no feelings, no movement, as if I should be engaged with at all. And then anytime they kind of stab you verbally, you don't react because you're already dead. And so it's just sort of like, you don't have to kill me or hurt me emotionally. Already dead.

[B]

I think that's called, like, gray rock. Rocking it, which is very.

[D]

No, gray rocking's a little. Has a little more effort to it. Oh, gray rock is sort of like, I am firmly giving you nothing. Playing dead is. I don't even have a choice in it.

[B]

I'm dead.

[E]

Trust me.

[D]

I'm not even. I'm not even having the thought that I should therapy you out of my life. I'm fucking dead. Move on. You know what I mean? It's like the murderers coming by, the dead bodies, and I have covered myself in someone else's blood so they don't even think about me.

[B]

It's giving PETA in the Hunger Game, turning himself into a rock Peter when.

[D]

He, like, covers himself in a mud mask and is like, yes, that is exactly what I do with people who you can tell just love to fuck with you for sport.

[B]

Yeah. Emeline had known what she was in for well before the wedding, when it was made clear to her that until they were married, Tess and Emmaline would not be sleeping in the same room together during any of these holidays or birthdays or vacations, which does not just apply to them. Gigi is not homophobic. Yeah.

[D]

I love that she upholds the patriarchy, even with her lesbian daughter.

[B]

None of Gigi's kids are allowed to sleep in the same room as their significant others until they're married. Being engaged does not count because, as Gigi would say, it is a long way from bending knee to the altar. How do you feel about this rule?

[D]

Oh, I would absolutely be breaking it just to mess with her. I'd be like, I gotta give you a quiet blowjob tonight just to take the power back.

[B]

I thought you were playing dead.

[D]

Wait, she's around. She Walked in the room, suddenly choked to death.

[B]

I'm dead.

[D]

But quietly, I'm still trying to retain some amount of dignity. A person with choices and options in the world.

[B]

Okay, okay. Yeah. So Emmaline also is a little miffed, not least because it is not an option to skip any of these occasions unless you wanted to incur Gigi's wrath. And Emmaline had also learned early on that Tess maintains her position as Gigi's favorite child by defying Gigi on as few occasions as possible.

[D]

You know, again, maybe it's cause I grew up in a trash can, but all of this sounds like a small price to pay for money. I'm like, sure, we go to Thanksgiving in a nice house where the food is catered by some chef, and all I have to do is like, sleep alone for three days, which I did as a single person. It's fine with me.

[B]

It's true. Emmaline can remember, like one time in their entire relationship where Tess has really put her foot down with her mother. And this is when Gigi had tried to help Tess buy an apartment. This was before Tess had access to her trust fund, because there is a rule in Tess's family somewhere in the bylaws of the family foundation that states that no member of the family will be able to access their trust fund until the age of 30. This is allegedly to foster independence. In practice, it usually just means that all of the children's first properties are purchased by their parents. As the youngest, Tess has learned from the mistakes of her older siblings in terms of how to deal with her mother. And this is how she knows that a down payment from Gigi comes with strings attached. In one of Tess's brother's homes, Gigi had outfitted a room for herself with a separate entry that she can access whenever she wanted.

[D]

I'm sorry.

[B]

That's sick.

[D]

Absolutely. Walk in and out, don't bother me. I hope you're sleeping with someone.

[B]

So Tess very politely says no when Gigi offers to buy her a home and that she would just keep renting until she turned 30. Well, Gigi hadn't talked to her for a month after that. All of this is important context for our story, which takes place about a year after Tess and Emmaline's wedding, when Tess and Emmaline decide to finally make the move from New York to Philly, where the rest of Tessa's family lives. They had been thinking about it for years. They had never taken the plunge, because moving to Philly isn't just like lower cost of living and hanging out with Tess's siblings. It also means being within spitting distance of Gigi. Emmeline has some concerns, but then she gets offered a job in Philly as a budget analyst for the city. And Tess turns 30, which means they can finally start looking to buy a home. And they don't really want to buy property in New York. Like, Tess is rich, but she's like, I don't wanna do that. It's so much money. So they start looking in Philly, which is where Tess falls in love with the beautiful $1.5 million townhome in Fitler Square that was built in 1900. It's got 14 foot ceilings, got crown molding. The mahogany and walnut floors are original to the house. And again, Emily has some concerns about moving to Philly. But when she sees this townhome, all of her concerns melt away. Which is exactly what happens to me when I see a beautiful house. I'm like, you know what? I don't see any problems here. Emmaline's like, this place is perfect. We can move in right now. And Tess is like, mm, not quite. Cause Tess wants a sub zero fridge. And she doesn't really love the staircase down to the basement. She wants to renovate a little bit. Cause rich people can never just move into a place. So she's like, let me call my mom. She's always renovating one of the houses. She'll know somebody. It's been two whole years since, like that last home buying debacle. And Gigi is a benevolent bitch. She can forgive, she can forget. When Tess calls her to get some recommendations for an architect, Gigi even offers to pay for the whole renovation. Do you think this is a safe offer to accept from Gigi?

[D]

Well, you're doing it knowing that she's building an underground tunnel for her to come up into your bedroom at night. But free is free, and you gotta take a coupon where you can.

[B]

Yeah. At this point, Tess has access to her trust fund. So she's like, you know what, Mom? That is so generous. No, thank you. Gigi is benevolent. She doesn't take offense. Instead, she's like, well, you know, your Aunt Paula is finally moving to Santa Barbara. She's clearing out her house. And since you won't let me help you get anything, maybe you'll let Paula. You should grab some things for the new place. This is an offer that actually entices Emmeline because of all of Tess's relatives, Aunt Paula is Emmeline's favorite. She is Gigi's youngest sister. And she had used her trust fund to fund her life as an artist. She's got a beautiful house near Pennsylvania Dutch country. Emline has been there for enough family gatherings to be like, I want whatever Paula is giving away. The only problem is Tess can't get away from work before Paula needs to clear out the house. Gigi's like, that's fine. Emmeline's taking some time off before her new job starts, right? She and I can go together. Emmeline, like, it's only a two and a half hour drive. That's nothing. That's nothing.

[D]

Come on. That's two podcasts.

[B]

She's known Gigi for going on four years now. And over those four years, even though Gigi does make her insane, Emmaline has come to kind of admire Gigi. All of Gigi's siblings, including Paula, had chosen to take less capitalistic paths than managing the family's assets. Which is all well and good for the environment and the arts and shit, but someone's gotta make sure the money keeps flowing. She is the undisputed matriarch of this family.

[D]

She's taken on burdens. She's given away money so far. She comes with more benefits than most mother in laws.

[B]

Emmeline's like, it cannot hurt for us to be closer. The drive there is largely uneventful. They arrive at Aunt Paula's house. The place is so big that Emmaline and Gigi immediately lose each other in it. And Paula is like, take anything you want. Just leave your name on a sticky note and I'll ship it to you. So it's when Emeline is trying to figure out how many Persian rugs one actually needs that she sees it, and it is the hutch. Emmeline has never believed in love at first sight until this moment. It's expertly carved in this gorgeous dark walnut that would look perfect against the floors of the new townhouse. The drawers curve in this breathtaking way that even Emmaline, who is no furniture expert, is like, impeccable craftsmanship. And then there's the fact that hand carved into the wood of this hutch are a flock of Baltimore Orioles. Emmeline is like, I have to have this hutch. And Paula walks in, she sees Emmeline falling in love with the hutch, and she's like, you have great taste. This was my mother's. She was an artist too, you know, just like me and Tess. And Paula is like, when our mother died, Gigi wanted this hutch so badly, but our mother made sure it went to me. She's like, I would take it with me but I just don't have space for it in the new place in California. Emmeline's like, so that means Gigi already claimed it and Aunt Paula gives a little wink before being like, not yet. Normal Gossip is sponsored by AT&T, who believe that hearing a voice can change everything. And if you love podcasts, you get it. The power of hearing someone speak is unmatched. It's why we saved those voicemails from our loved ones. They mean something for me. When I need a one on one holiday boost, I call my mom. She's always been there for me and her voice always feels like home. And when I have an idea that I'm amped about and need to talk through, I call my best friend Danielle. She is always down to brainstorm and I'll know I'll be able to hear the excitement in her voice too. AT&T knows the holidays are the perfect time to do just that. Share your voice. If it's been a while since you called someone who matters, now's the time. Because it's more than just a conversation. It's a chance to say something they'll hear forever. So spread a little love with a call this season. Happy holidays from AT&T. Connecting changes everything did you know there's.

[E]

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[B]

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[E]

Nice website and I want it to.

[B]

Be easy to make. And Squarespace has all of that. Plus they make it super easy to find the domain name for your website at one fair, all inclusive price. Go to squarespace.com gossip for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code gossip to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Emmaline does admire Gigi, but on the lowest of keys. She also feels like Gigi can take advantage of Tess's passiveness. And Emmaline just knows that Tess would want this hutch too. It has Baltimore Orioles on it. It's the bird that brought them together. So Emmeline tells Aunt Paula, please, I want it so bad. Paula's like, it's yours. I'll bookmark it for you. We'll figure the shipping details out later. She's like, the only thing is I need it out of the house by the end of the month. And this is a problem because Emmeline and Tessa's renovation is not slated to wrap up for another three months. And this hutch is massive. It's at this moment that Gigi walks in and she makes a beeline for the hutch. But before she can even say anything, Paula's like, not so fast. M Lines claimed it.

[D]

Paula, you a witch, girl, you are brutal. Paula's worse than Gigi.

[B]

Gigi immediately looks furious. She's like, paula, you know I've wanted this for years. And Paula just shrugs. She's like, you should have gotten here first. Then instead of trying to hoard all the silver, Gigi takes a different tack. She's like, emmaline, won't you need someplace to store this while the renovations wrap up? Well, Emmaline's like, uh, why don't.

[D]

Yeah, can you put it in one of your big storage units, Gigi?

[B]

She's like, why don't I ask Tess when I get home? Cause she knows Gigi is right. The hutch is massive. It's not going to fit in the apartment she and Tess are staying in while the renovations wrap up. But also, she knows Gigi. She's like, like, this does not feel like a safe offer.

[E]

That's right, yes.

[B]

Gigi's like, no, no need to bother Tess. She's at work. We can store this at Spring Beauty. I'm sure she'll be fine with it. Spring Beauty is the family cabin in Hudson, New York. Gigi's like, you can pick it up whenever you're all settled in the new place. What options do you think Emmaline has here? She still has a two hour drive back to the city with Gigi.

[D]

If you want it that bad, start lifting, start strapping it to the top of your little Volvo and drive it home. If you want it that bad, call a storage unit. Do not take her up on this offer.

[B]

Emmaline's like, I don't know what to do. Cause like, Gigi's just smiling at her. So Emmaline's like, yeah, sure, thank you so much. That sounds great.

[D]

You lost Emmaline.

[B]

And behind her, Emmaline just hears Paula give a heavy sigh. Which is not encouraging. Neither is Paula's tone when she tells Emmaline, call me if you need any help. When Emmaline recounts the story to Tess later, after another largely uneventful drive back to the city with Gigi, Emmaline's like, what did your aunt mean by that? Call me if you need help. Tess is like, me, I don't know. Paul and my mom have always had a weird relationship. I've never really asked about it. For three months, Emmeline does not find out what Paula meant. That is how long it takes for the work on Emmeline and Tessa's new townhouse to finish. But finally, the renovation is done. It is stunning. It just needs one more thing. During the renovation, they had knocked out a wall and moved it 6 inches, creating a perfect little nook that is just the right size for the hutch. On the first night in their new home, Emmaline is like, so when can we drive up to Spring Beauty to get the hutch? How would you approach reclaiming this hutch from your mother in law?

[D]

I mean, one you send someone else to, like, make her tell a man holding a clipboard?

[B]

No. Well, luckily they don't have to really have to think about that. Cause Gigi stops by the very next day with a $500 bottle of wine as a Tess and Emmaline give her a tour. Before Gigi had gotten there, Tess and Emmaline had agreed that Tess should spearhead the conversation about the hutch. So it is Tess who is showing her mother the dining room. And she's like, this is where we're thinking Aunt Paula's hutch will go. And then she's like, by the way, when can we go up to Spring Beauty to pick it up? Gigi has the audacity to look a little bit sheepish. She's like, girls, I'm so sorry, but I've fallen in love with the hutch. It looks so perfect in Spring Beauty. It fits the design ethos perfectly. And it was my mother's. You know, I miss her every single day. Gigi's like, I know this is inconvenient, but I'll buy y' all whatever hutch you want. Name your price.

[D]

Sorry, I'm on Gigi's side. It's her mom's. Her mom gave it to her more favorite daughter. Ouch. She's healing that trauma wound by stealing it from her rich Nepo daughter who gets whatever the fuck she wants. And she'll buy them something new. Move on. When Gigi dies, you'll get the hutch.

[B]

Tess is like, that is such a lovely offer, mom. And Malign and I will talk it over, but we did design the space around that specific hutch, so I'm pretty sure we're still gonna want it. Gigi's like, don't worry about that. I can even cover the renovation costs if it's that bothersome. Just think about it.

[D]

Yeah, then get over it. This is crazy.

[B]

Then Gigi's like, there's a lovely little antique shop in La Marais. I've been meaning to take you girls to Paris for a while now. And with that, Gigi leaves. So to reiterate, the offer on the table is if Gigi gets to keep the original hutch, she will not only pay for a new hutch, she will cover the renovation costs of moving the wall by six inches and seemingly a trip to Paris. To me, this feels like a good deal.

[D]

Let me tell you a mother in law story I know from Reddit. A woman was pregnant with her husband's child, and he made food for the family and the mother in law and then wrapped a plate for her in the fridge because she was breastfeeding their other child as she is still pregnant. She came down to get the food. The mother in law had given the food to another kid, had just given away her plate of food. The pregnant woman punched her mother in law in the face. Her mother in law punched her back. And now the man is on Reddit going, what do I do now? That's when you have a problem with your mother in law. That being said, I don't hear Tess being that problematic. She just, like, kind of goes with the flow and lightly wants the hutch.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, honestly, Emmeline's a little swayed by this offer. She has always wanted to see the Eiffel Tower. Surprisingly, it actually is Tess who has hesitations. She's like, emeline, I've never seen you as excited about anything as you have been for that hutch. And Aunt Paula really seemed to want us specifically to have it.

[D]

Tess is like, emeline, I've never seen you hornier or more fucking turned up than for that hutch. And given that you react to that hutch more than you ever reacted to me and our birding club, I need that thing in my house to keep my wife satisfied.

[B]

Tess is like, happy wife, happy life.

[D]

I gotta get that hutch up in here. My wife is in love with an inanimate object.

[B]

And the thing is, Emmaline is kind of thrilled to see her wife thinking about taking a stand against Gigi. And this feels like the perfect opportunity. Cause Emmaline's like, how heated can things actually get over a piece of furniture? Emmaline helps Tess craft a text to her mother. The text reads, we appreciate your generosity, but our hearts are set on the original hutch.

[D]

Stupid.

[B]

They're like, we want to keep it, and we want to set up a time to come pick it up from Spring Beauty. Tess hits send on this message, and then she waits. And she doesn't have to wait long, because almost immediately, Gigi starts typing, and then she stops. And, like, a minute goes by, and then she starts typing again. And at last, her response arrives. So Gigi writes, this is the thanks I get for my kindness. You seem to have forgotten that this is my mother's hutch. My mother's. I have been nothing but generous to you and your wife. I told you I would buy you any hutch in the world, and you only want the hutch that is perfect for Spring Beauty. I'm shocked at how callously you decided to run roughshod over my heart and my wishes all over a piece of furniture. I know I raised you better than this. Team Gigi.

[D]

Sorry. Like, yeah, that's such a rude and underhanded condescending text. So what?

[B]

Go to Paris. The thing is, Tess has witnessed this sort of energy from her mother. But as her mother's favorite and as the youngest, she has never been the recipient of it.

[D]

She is in her 30s. She's had a great life.

[B]

Then Tess is shocked and, like, a little bit indignant. She's like, what the fuck? She immediately texts a screenshot of the conversation to her siblings group chat. And Tess is fully expecting to be backed up. But remember, Tess is the favorite and the youngest, so they're all thrilled.

[D]

They're thrilled she's getting it.

[B]

All of her siblings have seen her escape the worst of their mother's wrath for three decades.

[D]

And you know what? That's how Gigi feels about bitch ass Paula.

[B]

So to Tessa's shock and dismay, they all take Gigi's side. Tessa's brother is like, it belonged to her mother. Don't be so selfish. Tessa's oldest sister is like, why would it go to you and Emmeline anyway? If anything, it should go to me. Emmeline's like, fuck this group chat. Emmeline takes out her own phone, she texts Aunt Paula, and she explains the entire situation. It only takes a few minutes for Paula to reply. Paula says, the hutch will be at your house tomorrow. Don't say anything to my sister, and please tip the movers.

[D]

Meanwhile, Tess and emilyann are like, ugh, we have to tip them. Oh, God, life is so hard for us.

[B]

The next day, as promised, the Hutch arrives.

[D]

Aunt Paula's a mover and shaker.

[B]

The movers are cleaning up. Emmaline takes a photo of the hutch so she can send it to Aunt Paula and show her how perfectly it fits into the dining room. So she's crafting a little text to Aunt Paula, and she sends it it to Aunt Paula. Or at least she means to. Have you ever sent a text to the wrong person? Yes.

[D]

Yes. It is one of the most painful hyperventilations that exists. I think we should find a new label for that type of emotion that follows. And it should be added to the dictionary.

[B]

I agree. It's like, oh, I'm gonna throw up and shit my pants at the same time.

[D]

And it's always when you're talking shit about the person that you send, it's just like your brain is like.

[B]

Yeah. So Emmaline had typed in Paula's name, and somehow instead of clicking Paula's contacts, she had clicked the family group chat, which does include Paula, but it also includes the whole family, including Gigi, who responds almost immediately.

[A]

Thief.

[B]

Gigi writes in all caps. She then sends Six robber emojis. Gigi continues, how did you even get into Spring Beauty? Or maybe that's a question for the authorities. And then she sends a magnifying glass emoji.

[D]

Okay, Gigi's getting fun. I love threats through emojis. Because you just don't know if you should take them seriously or not.

[B]

No, exactly. It's like. It's so cute. How much can this mean? Um, this is the moment Tess reenters the house. She had been tipping the movers, so she's not looked at her phone. Tess takes one look at Emeline's face and is like, what happened? So Emeline shows her her phone, which is still open to the family group chat. So she sees the photo that Emeline has sent to the family group chat, and Tess goes white as a sheet. She's like, emeline, what the fuck? Paula literally told us not to tell my mom. And Emmaline's on the verge of tears. She's like, it was an accident, I swear.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, you fucked up, girl.

[B]

Before either of them can start looking for their passports to flee the country. Cause that's immediately where their mind goes. Paula texts a family group chat, and she's like, the hutch looks lovely, Emmaline. Paula says, I just know mom would have wanted you to have it. Especially as I promised it to you from the beginning.

[D]

Is Gigi's last name Murdoch? Is this the Murdoch murders? And it all begins with the Hutch.

[B]

And then Paula continues. She's like, gertrude, don't fuss. I was the one who had the hutch moved. I know you like to forget that Mother left Spring Beauty to the both of us, but I do still have the door code. And then Paula sends a photo of her own. It's from inside Spring Beauty, and it shows a stack of papers on the kitchen table. And Paula says, I left a copy of the will at the house, since you seem to need a reminder of how the Hutch came into my possession in the first place.

[D]

Ooh, when your receipt is a will.

[B]

Mm.

[E]

That's power.

[B]

We are almost at the end of our story. Do you investigate this, or do you just enjoy your beautiful new hutch?

[D]

Sure, why not? I mean, listen, you've already ruined your life. At least find out what legal protections you have.

[B]

Well, things actually kind of just calmed down after this. Paula seems to have some dirt on Gigi that just makes her shut up about the hutch. It does take another three months, though, for Emmeline to find out what exactly Paula meant by sending this photo. At the next family gathering, Emmeline finally decides to start asking questions. She sidles up to Aunt Paula, and she's like, thank you so much for the Hutch. I love it. Also. What was that? What happened, girl?

[D]

What were in those stack of papers?

[B]

Aunt Paula tells her that way back when Paula and Gigi were in their twenties, their mother had actually offered the Hutch to Gigi. But at the time, Gigi didn't want some old dinky hutch. She wanted a new, shiny one. So the hutch had gone to Paula, who, as an artist, had loved the craftsmanship twist. It wasn't until their mother died and all the assets are getting divided and the will is being read that they had all found out how much the hutch is worth. At the time of Gigi and Paula's mom's death, it had been valued in the low six figures.

[D]

The hutch.

[B]

The Hutch. This also happened to be the moment that Gigi decided that she wanted to reclaim the Hutch, which she said her mother had always wanted her to have. And this was the moment that Paula, as Gigi's younger sister, decided that Gigi would never have the Hutch. That is the end of our story. I do have one small update, but first, do you think there are any villains in this story?

[D]

What? What are you talking about? They're all villains.

[B]

Every.

[D]

Every single one of them is a villain for putting any time and energy into this and not spending all of their time realizing their life is paid for and they should put some good into the world beyond your stupid fonts.

[B]

And you're right. Unfortunately, the update is not about that. The update is that the Hutch continues to look perfect in Tess and Emmaline's dining room, and that to this day, Gigi has not sat set foot in Tess and Emmaline's dining room.

[D]

Oh, well, then everybody won.

[B]

That's.

[D]

What a. What a happy ending. Emmaline gets to fuck the Hutch in peace. Gigi never comes over, and Paula moved to Santa Barbara away from the east coast, and is like, mwah. I fucked my older sister over.

[B]

Exactly. Exactly. Gigi says that the hush is a symbol not only of her younger sister's betrayal, but of her daughter's collusion.

[D]

I love it.

[B]

I love it.

[D]

I love it for all of them. You know what? Gigi really seems like she needs something to do, and this little drama will probably drive her crazy till the end of time when she dies.

[B]

Being on the board of the family foundation is not taking up enough of Gigi's time.

[D]

It really isn't like go meet with more crypto bros and start thinking of new cryptocurrencies and new coins. The family can start.

[B]

Well that is the end of our story. Thank you so much Chelsea well thank.

[D]

You so much for having me. I need a picture of the hutch. Can you get a picture of the hutch for this? I need to see what a low millions hutch looks like. I need masturbation material.

[B]

Thank you for listening to Normal Gossip. If you have a gossip story to share with us, email [e-mail] or you can leave us a voicemail at 2679, gossip. If you love this podcast and want to support us, become a friend or a friend of a [e-mail] you can follow the show on Instagram and TikTok ormalgossip. You can follow me on all social media Eydanae H E Y Y D N A E this podcast was produced by Sierra Spragley Ritz and Jay Tolviera. Our audio engineer is Samantha Gatzick. The co creators and dowager queens of Normal gossip are Kelsey McKinney and defector supervising Producer Alex Sujong Laughlin. Justin Ellis is Defectors Projects Editor. Jasper Wang and Sean Kuhn are Defectors business guys. Tom Le is our editor in chief. Dan McQuaid runs our merch store which you can find at normalgossip store. Tara Jacoby designed our show. Art thank you to Brandi Jensen, David Roth, Katherine Shue, Serena Embler, Chris Thompson, Dave McCarthy, Kenna, Patrick Redford and Ray Ratto for your help on this season. Thank you to the rest of the Defector staff. Defector Media is a collectively owned subscriber based media company. Normal Gossip is a proud member of Radiotopia. I am your host Rachel Hampton and remember you didn't hear this from me.

[D]

Radiotopia.

[B]

From prison.