3: MY BOYFRIEND IS IN JAIL!? DATING A MARRIED MAN!!

Summary

Not Loveline - Episode 3: MY BOYFRIEND IS IN JAIL!? DATING A MARRIED MAN!!

Release Date: December 9, 2024 | Hosts: Tana Mongeau and Trish Paytas

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Introduction

In the third episode of Not Loveline, hosts Tana Mongeau and Trish Paytas dive into the tumultuous world of love, sex, and dating, offering heartfelt advice despite professing their lack of expert status. The episode, aptly titled "MY BOYFRIEND IS IN JAIL!? DATING A MARRIED MAN!!", addresses complex relationship dilemmas brought forth by their listeners.

Main Discussion: Navigating Complex Relationships

The episode kicks off with Tana and Trish engaging in playful banter before addressing a particularly challenging caller who reveals that her boyfriend is incarcerated until 2029. This scenario sets the tone for a candid exploration of love’s often complicated nature.

Caller Scenario: Loving from Afar

• Caller’s Dilemma: Struggling with loving a man in prison and contemplating whether to pause her own life for the relationship.
• Hosts’ Responses:
  • Tana (00:16): Emphasizes the importance of considering the nature of the boyfriend’s incarceration and the potential for lasting commitment. “Prison is like Monopoly—once you go to prison, you just pass everything else, and you can't pass everything else just because he went directly to jail.”
  • Trish (00:18): Echoes Tana’s sentiment, advising patience and reflection on the reasons behind the incarceration. “You need to think about the crime. How do your parents feel? The crime matters so much.”

Personal Insights: Love vs. Infatuation

• Trish’s Reflections (08:05): Shares her experiences differentiating between love and infatuation, highlighting that true love involves unconditional acceptance, even in imperfect moments. “When you love all of them, even just the bad parts, the gross parts, and you don’t question it.”
• Tana’s Take (09:40): Discusses the longevity and consistency of love compared to the fleeting nature of infatuation. “Infatuation is hot and heavy at the beginning and then kind of burns out. In love can be hot and heavy at the beginning, but it kind of just stays.”

Addressing Long-Term Relationship Concerns

• Caller’s Question (16:06): A woman from Indiana seeks advice on whether to wait for her partner in prison or move on.
• Hosts’ Consensus:
  • Both advocate for waiting if the relationship shows signs of genuine commitment and respect. “We need Kim K. on the case,” jokes Tana, underscoring the complexity of such situations.
  • Trish (17:03): Adds that decisions should factor in the severity of the offense and personal life goals. “If he committed a petty crime, I could stomach it, but more serious crimes are a different story.”

Strategies for Moving On and Self-Growth

• Trish’s Advice (29:19): Encourages self-appreciation and learning from past relationships to cultivate personal growth. “Appreciate the relationship for what it is, what it taught me, the person it made me.”
• Tana’s Perspective (33:59): Highlights the importance of patience and trusting that the right person will come along. “Nothing could like, stop what's meant to be yours.”

Navigating Emotional Challenges in Relationships

• Caller’s Concern (58:43): A woman fears her past self will disrupt her current healthy relationship.
• Hosts’ Reassurances:
  • Tana (59:08): Affirms her deservingness of love, irrespective of past mistakes. “You do deserve it. You just got it.”
  • Trish (60:11): Discusses overcoming old patterns through active effort and the support of a loving partner. “You're capable of more, and you are not. Do not feel like you are in that box forever.”

Engaging with Listeners: Practical Advice and Personal Anecdotes Throughout the episode, Tana and Trish engage with multiple callers, offering a mix of humor, personal stories, and practical advice. Their discussions often circle back to themes of self-worth, the importance of communication, and the necessity of personal growth within relationships.

Notable Quotes

• Trish Paytas (00:35): “Not Loveline. Because we are not experts. We have no idea what we're talking about.”
• Tana Mongeau (08:34): “When you're truly in love with someone, would you wait?”
• Trish Paytas (29:21): “You are deserving of love. It feels like a basic, like, human need. Right?”

Conclusion

In this episode of Not Loveline, Tana Mongeau and Trish Paytas navigate the intricate landscape of love and relationships with authenticity and relatability. Their blend of personal experiences and genuine concern for their listeners provides a comforting space for those grappling with their own romantic dilemmas. Whether advising on how to handle a partner's incarceration or the anxieties of self-worth in love, Tana and Trish deliver a heartfelt exploration of what it means to love and be loved in today’s complex world.

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Note: This summary excludes advertisement segments and focuses solely on the content-rich segments of the podcast episode.

Transcript

[Trisha Paytas]

Lights are going up. Snow is falling down. There's a feeling of goodwill around town. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere. Stockings hung up by the chimney with care. It could only mean one thing.

[Tana Mongeau]

Big Rib is here at participating McDonald's for a limited time.

[Caller]

Oh, hear that?

Ah. Okay, thank you.

[Tana Mongeau]

Etsy knows these aren't the sounds of holiday gifting. Hmm. Well, not the ones you're hoping for. You want squeals of delight? Happy tears? How did you.

[Trisha Paytas]

How did you know?

[Tana Mongeau]

And spontaneously written songs of joy.

[Trisha Paytas]

I so happy. Oh, yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, yeah. Hmm. Okay, this song needs a bit of work. But anyway, to get those reactions, make sure everyone on your list feels heard with handmade, hand picked and designed gifts from small shops on Etsy. Gifts like personalized jewelry, custom artwork, cozy style items, vintage pieces, and home decor to celebrate all of your favorite people and their specific kind of special. For original gifts that say I get you, Etsy has it. How many times have you been in love?

[Trisha Paytas]

I'm not over. That happened in the third grade. Yeah. I cried over Brad Sousa on the Internet. I cried over Jake Paul on the Internet.

[Tana Mongeau]

I also think I was, like, very insecure to be with, like, in a lesbian relationship. I was so insecure. I really just thought I was, I don't know, not attractive enough.

[Caller]

But the issue is he's in prison.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, hello, and welcome back to Not Loveline.

[Tana Mongeau]

Not Loveline. Because we are not experts. We have no idea what we're talking about. But we. We have gone through a lot of men, women and people.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yes. So many. I like really adding in the disclaimer that we don't know what we're talking about.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, I think it's so important.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's so important to say we're not doctors.

[Trisha Paytas]

I went home last night because we shot some yesterday. And I was just really thinking, it's so crazy how much our fans are just like us.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like the fact that every single voice memo, we were like, wait, I relate. For the most part.

[Tana Mongeau]

It sounded like half the questions I wrote, I was like, wait. I feel like this is mean calling literally 100%.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's. It's so nuts. I couldn't stop thinking about that girl.

[Tana Mongeau]

Which one?

[Trisha Paytas]

Her boyfriend. To the photo of her and her best friend and then stayed with him. It kept me up. I was, like telling Mako about it for hours.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, you did? What did you like?

[Trisha Paytas]

I was just like, I would have to dump you.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, oh, you were giving that. Wow.

[Trisha Paytas]

I don't know, like, it just, like, we could never recover.

[Tana Mongeau]

I think we gave a lot of advice last episode to dump a lot of.

[Trisha Paytas]

I know.

[Tana Mongeau]

My goal is. Is to try to see, like, the light how we can fix the relationship rather than dump.

[Trisha Paytas]

I agree.

[Tana Mongeau]

Because I think we were very much like, dump them.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

But maybe there's some fixable situations. I mean, the one who was, like, stabbed was crazy, but everything else. Yeah, I know. I like, laugh because I like, shocking.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's like. Yeah, exactly.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's just shocking.

[Tana Mongeau]

But it was funny, I think.

[Trisha Paytas]

I guess me personally, like, I stayed in a lot of situations I look back on where I should have cut the cord so much sooner. So it's like my heart just goes out to those girls because, you know, they're, like, so hot and cute and just. I don't know.

[Tana Mongeau]

I know. I feel like we should always say, like, you should dump him, but here.

[Trisha Paytas]

If you don't, because that's real.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

I stayed so many times.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Unless it's like. But some people were like, well, maybe try it. You know, some things they wanted to like.

[Trisha Paytas]

I agree. I think hopefully today we get some more girls where it's like, just, you know, stay and do this. Like, yes. We had a fun one where she was just asking how to, like, spice up her spicy life.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

You know, and like, that was fun.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, yeah, if you go to our Patreon, they actually, everyone there were like, oh, my God, they're a keeper. Like, the sexy questions were like, I love this for you.

[Trisha Paytas]

So funny. The difference, like, we would shoot the whole episode, like, dog him. We hate straight men. And then we're on the Patreon and we're like, we love him. Like, get on your knees, girl.

[Tana Mongeau]

The girls. The girls were like a wild freaks. And I was like, I love this because it's so real.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, it is so real. Girls, I feel like we learned more about each other's, like, spicy lives yesterday than we have in literally 10 years. I know.

[Tana Mongeau]

But I felt like, so it is a weird, like, bond when you know so much about someone. You're. Wow. I see you in such a different way. In the best way.

[Trisha Paytas]

I know. I love it, you know, Literally.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

We're so emo over the show, by the way. Trisha and I have been, like, literally.

[Tana Mongeau]

Just coming the whole time. And we're matching again. I love it. You really do look like Tinkerbell. But maybe you look Tinkerbell. I was like, yeah, I'm so blonde hair. I want to Be Tinkerbell, too.

[Trisha Paytas]

No, but you look so cute. The crimp and little bows today. She listened to this really quickly, you guys, I'm serious. Like, I'm. It's just. It's little moments with Trisha like this where I just, like, almost feel like a little girl again. Like, so girlhood. I look at her and I'm like, oh, my God. I think I'm gonna wear this green dress, which she got for me, first of all, already so cute. And then she's wearing another dress. She's like, wait, no, let's match. She put green dress. I look at her bows. I'm like, girl, like, I love the bow. She's like, take them. I'll give you two out of my hair. I'm like, Trisha, like, it's just so.

[Tana Mongeau]

Cute because it's, like, literally, like, my dream and the fact that you want to match with me. I've told stories so many times on my gestures podcast where I would try to match with these girls intentionally, and they would, like, switch the day they wear their outfits because they don't want to match with me anymore.

[Trisha Paytas]

Do that to me, too. It's so, like, corny. It's like matching with your girls is like. And you. And I think we have a special one because we're almost healing our inner child.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, yes. It feels very. Just pretend what we're doing right now.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, it's like, it's so fun. Like, it's like you're the sister that I, like, never had growing up.

[Tana Mongeau]

Thank you. And so fun. I feel like you're like my daughter grown up. Like Malibu Barbie grown up. I feel like I hope we have these conversations one day.

[Trisha Paytas]

I know you guys will. I. Malibu Barbie is going to grow up with way less trauma than me.

[Tana Mongeau]

And by the way, Malvin, Elvis, both love Tana. They came down after we filmed yesterday, and, like, Mel was in a really shy era where she, like, hides her face. She saw you. She's, like, showing her shirt. She wants this. Elvis is, like, grabbing towards Tana to be held. I give her my little hand, and she's like, no, I want to be with her.

[Trisha Paytas]

That was the other tangent. I went on to Makoa last night about, like, just babies. And, like, I was saying this. I don't know how to. And I'll shut up. We can start listening to voice memos. But, like, I've never felt this way about if my other friends have babies. Like, I'm like, oh, cute baby, right?

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

But when I see your guys as babies, like, it's really prevalent in my head that, like, that's 50% you like that and 50% Moses. Like, that baby is 50% Trisha Paytas. And it, like, brings me to tears.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, it's like a little baby version of you that you just want to, like, take care of.

[Trisha Paytas]

And I've just never felt that way about any other baby that's literally half Trisha.

[Tana Mongeau]

They're like, that's cute. I love that I feel that way, that sometimes you ever, like, want to cry, I'm just like, oh, yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's, like, so moving.

[Tana Mongeau]

They both love you. They always have Malibu from a baby is always. And it's really crazy because she's just very shy around people.

[Trisha Paytas]

But maybe it's just the blonde, though. Like, maybe they're just really comfortable around blonde.

[Tana Mongeau]

They're like, we love her. It was cute. It was really nice.

[Trisha Paytas]

I still want a baby tomorrow, but I won't. I'll be anti cracky for as long as I can.

[Tana Mongeau]

You're not anti cracky. You're anti Tinkerbell. Once they get into Tinkerbell, they're gonna be like, wow, that's a princess.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's. God. If I'm pregnant tomorrow, no one asks questions. Seriously.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my gosh.

[Trisha Paytas]

No, I won't.

[Tana Mongeau]

Okay. I was like, that would be wild. It'd be unexpected, but it'd be wild.

[Trisha Paytas]

I feel like I'd be here every day. I'd be like, what do I do?

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm, like, so scared. That's a whole different turn for the podcast. It just becomes like a pregnancy podcast.

[Trisha Paytas]

It would.

[Tana Mongeau]

It is fun, but.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, not yet. Not yet.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Okay. Should we see what the people want to know?

[Tana Mongeau]

Let's see what the people want to know. You guys can call us at this number if you want to ask us questions about love, dating, relationship, or really anything. We're down to give advice even though we're not experts. And if you want to go to patreon.com not loveline, we have really fun experience explicit episodes.

[Trisha Paytas]

We're gonna learn so much about Trisha and I over there that you might not even want to know.

[Tana Mongeau]

It was late last night. I was like, whoo. I don't know what I said, honestly, but it can't get clipped because it's explicit content. Let's take a first call. Yes.

[Caller]

My question is, I've never fallen in love with a guy before, so I'm not really sure how it feels. Like, how do you know when you're actually in love? With someone. What are the signs? And how can I tell if I'm feeling in love or just infatuated with a guy? Thank you.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love you guys.

[Caller]

I love you, Trisha.

[Tana Mongeau]

Love you. Wow, that's a good question. Infatuation versus love.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, that is a really, really good question.

[Tana Mongeau]

How many times have you been in love? Real love?

[Trisha Paytas]

Probably three. And wow, I think maybe four. There's this one that I'm just not sure of to this day. I'm serious. I don't know. But Makoa is obviously very different. I love him more than. Than like anyone. But.

[Tana Mongeau]

And how did you know what was the in love versus infatuation?

[Trisha Paytas]

I guess it's like when you're not. When you don't question it. And like, maybe this is my trauma brain speaking, but, like, I don't think love is always pretty. Right. It's like in those hard moments, like when Moses was like, still there writing for you, it's like feeling like they really love you, like, unconditionally, you know.

[Tana Mongeau]

That the unconditional part is, I think, the biggest difference for me. Because I always thought I was in love with everybody I dated. And like, looking back, I'm like, I think I just was like, infatuated with everyone.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. Or loved that they loved you maybe. Or like, well, no one loves me. Oh my God.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's being so truthful. Like, definitely no one loved me back. That's why I wouldn't say I was in love. Maybe I was in love with them, but nobody loved me back. So I think it was like infatuation was like, I'm obsessed with this person. I love this person. But like, no one, like, love. Oh my God. Someone like, loved me, I would have been like, oh, my God, like, we're in love. You know what I mean? Moses was the first person, like, actually loved me that I wasn't a bother. Like, going to see my family wasn't like, eye roll, you know what I mean? So I think being in love is like you said, finding someone that like, loves you unconditionally. And it's like, it just becomes easy where it's like, oh, I don't worry about, like, what I'm eating, what I'm wearing.

[Trisha Paytas]

You know what? I think it is too. This is like a big one for me. Like, it's like everyone gets the ick and whatever, you know what I mean? But like, Makoa will do things that like, I'll be like, if anyone else in the world was doing this, do you know what I Mean. And I'm still just like, oh, my God, Like, I love you. Like, it's almost like the not pretty moments remind me. You know what I mean? Like, it's like I'm trying to think of something that he could do that would give me the ick. I know you hate, like, farting and pooping, so that's, like, a bad one. But, like, you know what I mean? Like, he'll be on the toilet sitting down. I'm like, hey, cutie.

[Tana Mongeau]

But, like, would that give you an ignorance? I feel like you don't mind it.

[Trisha Paytas]

No. Oh, my God. I do hate when people, like, are peeing or anything with the door open. Yeah. Like, I don't know. That was, like, random. I can't think of anything else but.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, that maybe gives me the ick, like, partying, but other than that. Like, things that gave me the ick about Moses before, I, like, my thing was always, like. I used to hate that he'd make, like, tick tocks. I'd get, like, icks. But now when he makes tic tacs, I'm like, this is so cute. Even if it's not about Malibu, just him like, showing, like, his tea collection. I was like, yeah, that's so cute. But before, I'd be like, oh, don't show me that. That's so embarrassing.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. Like, all the. All that stuff goes away.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's just like, this is. That's love versus infatuation for me, I think is like, when you love all of them.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Even just the bad parts, the nasty parts, the gross parts, and you don't question it. Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

And then when they also, like, can care for you and, like, your worst. I don't think anyone take care of me when I was, like, sick or anything. They would just be like, okay, I'll see you tomorrow or something. And it's like, so I think all that, like, loving you and your worst. But infatuation also tends to, like, be really hot and heavy at the beginning and then kind of burns out. As opposed to. In love can be, like, hot and heavy at the beginning, but it kind of just, you know, stays.

[Trisha Paytas]

And, like, even if it goes, like, burns and it comes back, it's just consistent. It's constant.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes. Yes.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

I never had, like, a relationship literally longer than a year, so I think all mine was just infatuation. But I think if it's over a year. I love that, though.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's. That's real. That's real to this day. Some I'm like, wait, I Don't know if that was like real love.

[Tana Mongeau]

Right.

[Trisha Paytas]

Die for each other. Like would we, you know, like ah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Would you die for Makoa? Yeah, same. I like pray. I'm always like, let me go before Moses. Because like I.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's exactly function without him.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's like, oh my you. I can't outlive you. Yeah, like I'm meeting you there.

[Tana Mongeau]

Same. Same.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like what do you mean what I would do?

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, but my vaping and probably has me covered. You know, I'll go first. Mako is way healthier.

[Tana Mongeau]

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[Caller]

How do I know when it's right to tell my boyfriend that I love him? I love you, Trisha. So much. You're my inspiration. I became a blonde because of you.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm obsessed with you. Love you.

[Caller]

You're an amazing mother and amazing wife.

[Tana Mongeau]

Wow. I need to go blonde asap.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, my. No. I love this hair. And it's healthy. It's all real.

[Tana Mongeau]

I do love this. All real.

[Trisha Paytas]

I'm copying you. If you see me next week with.

[Tana Mongeau]

This hair, go to Alan M with me.

[Trisha Paytas]

Not kidding. I will.

[Tana Mongeau]

Literally, I wait. Wait till he says yes.

[Trisha Paytas]

Literally. I have horrible, only horrible advice.

[Tana Mongeau]

What's your advice?

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, every time I've ever said I love you to someone, I feel like I had to get like, I got hammered to tell Mako I love you. That's horrible advice.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, same. I think every time I've said I love you, I've definitely been under some sort of like, substance. It's a scary thing to say, but it is. I. Oh, my God. Wait. Actually, that's, you know, what I would say. Wait. But also, I guess I never did. I guess that was always the first day. I love you. I love saying I love you, but how long? I don't know. What do you feel it? I feel it right away. I felt it like first day. It's like I love you.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, I feel it. I. I guess maybe like think about it a little bit. But I don't know. Yeah. I got Makoa hammered. He doesn't even remember it. And I'll give him. I'm like, you don't remember when I said I love you and you said it first? Yeah. Like I said I love you and then he said I love you too. We were hammered.

[Tana Mongeau]

How many months in?

[Trisha Paytas]

Um, like three.

[Tana Mongeau]

Wow.

[Trisha Paytas]

Okay.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's like a healthy time. I think three months sounds like a realistic. You could be in love with a person.

[Trisha Paytas]

We had just spent like Christmas together too. So I like, it was like a. It felt right, I guess.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

You know, so it was like the moment. But I've definitely in my life several times like just been up and I'm like I love you. And it's like I don't actually know if I've ever said I love you to someone like in a good way.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like in a genuine way or just.

[Trisha Paytas]

In a like, you know what I mean? Like really right moment. Like we're both level headed, like we're whatever. Like my I love yous have always been. Wow. Oh, this is therapeutic.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, your I love yous have been like woo. I think it's kind of like I like to show like actions speak louder than words. I'm not saying I love you. I say I love you a lot to people but probably in general like it's better to just show it.

[Trisha Paytas]

I agree with that. Yeah, girl. You could always wait for him. You could always. Horrible advice for this one.

[Tana Mongeau]

I think most people would agree with that. Or you do a very casual like love. You say that. Oh my gosh.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, yeah, I agree, I agree.

[Tana Mongeau]

Just what feels right?

[Trisha Paytas]

What feels right? Literally, that's if you think about the.

[Tana Mongeau]

First day to it. If you say three months in, the worst would be though if you say like I. Oh, I don't want to scare her. But like if you say I love you, I love you back. That's. I never had that happen. Oh maybe I have. I don't know. Actually I can't remember how my relationship.

[Trisha Paytas]

Definitely have that happen. I had some unrequited love in my life. Oh my God. Yeah, I have to.

[Tana Mongeau]

But I don't know if they've ever like said I don't love you or something. That would be.

[Trisha Paytas]

I remember in seventh grade, I told my, like, first crush ever that I was in love with him, and it's like, no, you're not. And I, like, wrote it out like an acronym. I was like, I, like, I in love with you. And then he didn't say it back.

[Tana Mongeau]

Well, he's a jail now, though, so.

[Trisha Paytas]

Karma.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my God. Well, hopefully he's doing okay. Prison reformit.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, like, I hope. I don't know. I don't think he is.

[Tana Mongeau]

Okay, well, next question.

[Caller]

Hi, Tristan. Tana. My name is Lydia. I'm from Indiana. My question is, I started talking to this guy, and I genuinely feel so happy. Like, I feel like he treats me the best out of anyone I've ever met. Met. But the issue is he's in prison until 2029. So, like, if I really love him like that, should I wait or should I not put my life on hold?

[Trisha Paytas]

Did I just manifest that that happened yesterday? That happened yesterday, too, where you said something and then, like, the exact voice memo.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's weird. We're, like, weirdly, like, synchronicity, like, with our viewers. Well, you should take that. Wait for how long is he in 2029? But you just gave your example of someone you loved was in jail, so.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, granted, I was 13.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh. Like, yeah. What did he do?

[Trisha Paytas]

There's so much context that this is the definition of one where she should be on the phone. I mean, with what we have, it's okay, I guess. I actually saw this girl on Twitter the other day asking this, and I was like. And just reading all the responses, Like, I just smoked. I was, like, locked in. Like, would he do it for her? If you. Girl, if you were in prison, would he wait outside and be loyal? That's question number one.

[Tana Mongeau]

Most guys probably wouldn't. But maybe she said she treated. She treat. He treats her really great.

[Trisha Paytas]

Okay, so maybe, I mean, really think about the crime. Like, how do your parents feel? Like the crime matters so much. Right. Like, if you just, like, murdered someone.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes. I think that's grounds for. Don't wait for him.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, but if it was, like, smoking.

[Tana Mongeau]

In, like, a state that you can't.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. Like, like, how long would he do it for you? But it's. I also always just get scared of, like, the wasting. You're the youth who.

[Tana Mongeau]

Right. You know, I think prison, it's like Monopoly, Right. Once you go to prison, you just pass everything else, and you can't pass everything else just because he went directly to jail. Don't pass go. Do not collect $200. $200, you know, you have to live your life. And then if he comes out and it's like, still waiting, meant to be, then I think that's the way to go. I think if you're, like, married with, like, a kid, it's like, different. In, like, my situation, obviously I would wait because, like, why? I have, like, little kids. You know what I mean? But if you're, like, single.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

I don't know. But I guess if you're really in love with someone, would you wait if.

[Trisha Paytas]

It was like, makoa and he committed, like, a petty, Like a crime I could stomach.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Right. But, oh, God, that's just. That's really hard. I think all those factors matter so much.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm gonna lean because we're so indecisive. I'm gonna lean to actually, I'm gonna change my answer. I'm gonna say, wait. If he's really treating you right, it's hard to find anyone to treat you right. And the thing is, a lot of people we don't know why he went, like, what he did. Maybe he didn't even do it. We don't know. You know, there's so many things and stereotypes with prisoners.

[Trisha Paytas]

We need Kim K. On the case.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's what I was thinking. I was like, well, maybe she could, like, figure it out and go deeper, you know? But surface level, he didn't commit any violent crimes.

[Trisha Paytas]

I feel like she would have told us that.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. So I would say wait.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, I say wait. Do not pass go if it's under two years. And if it's over two years, girl, really sit and think. Because you're not in prison. Diva. Remember that.

[Tana Mongeau]

True. But conjugal visits and stuff, like, you know what I mean? It could be exciting.

[Trisha Paytas]

I'm not sure. You guys could have, like, spicy moments through the glass.

[Tana Mongeau]

Through the glass. Like Sabrina Carpenter and Barry Keoghan, like.

[Trisha Paytas]

Sending the Polaroid like, pictures of you and, like, your letters.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? I saw one where someone, like, stitches, like, jewelry for them. They like, bead turquoise jewelry and send it back home. And she's like, look what he sent me. Do you follow that girl on TikTok?

[Trisha Paytas]

No, but that's awesome.

[Tana Mongeau]

There's a girl who's, like, boyfriend's been in there forever, and she, like, lives down the street from the prison and always visits him. And he, like, sends her, like, turquoise earrings and turquoise necklaces and, like, everything.

[Trisha Paytas]

And I was like, words that kind of camp. Like. Like what My boyfriend made me in prison.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's literally what she does. Talk is about being a prison wife. And I'm like kind of. I kind of. And I think he's like, like part Native American. So he gets money from the state, you know, as like payback or whatever. So it goes to her. And I was like, okay, she's in a nice house and.

[Trisha Paytas]

And you don't have to like deal with a man all the time. She's in like a slay situation.

[Tana Mongeau]

Say like kind of absence makes the heart grow fonder.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

I don't think it's bad.

[Trisha Paytas]

Suddenly I'm like, girl, yeah, you put on that orange jumpsuit, baby. Like this is.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's not an ideal situation, but if that's a situation you're in.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Trying to look at that. I'm trying to look at the positives and I feel like those are some pretty good positives. Yeah, I wouldn't want that situation. But if it happened.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

It could be worse. Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

I just really hope he's not like Ted Bundy.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Well, I think we're putting that aside that he's not just disclaimer. All right. We love you. So that's when we're hoping stays together.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, I think they should stay together.

[Tana Mongeau]

Good luck.

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[Tana Mongeau]

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[Caller]

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[Tana Mongeau]

My strength and wow, it's beginning to.

[Caller]

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[Tana Mongeau]

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[Caller]

I'm calling from Ohio and I'm going to remain unnamed. However, I'm wondering what you would do if you can't get over an ex that you dated five years ago. Thanks, bye.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, the face. Wait, is this you? I feel like you get over.

[Trisha Paytas]

I'm so happy. I've definitely had periods of my life where I felt like this. I mean, like where I just could not get over. That's why I do not think that.

[Tana Mongeau]

About you at all. I feel like you move on quickly, girl.

[Trisha Paytas]

I really like it. But like, as you get closer with me, like, just. I'm so. Such a cancer to a fault. Like I'm a cancer. Yes, yes. And I'm so emotional and it shows in that way. I'm so, like, I'm not over. That happened in the third grade. Like, I am so happy and in love with Makoa. I don't want anyone else. But I've had periods of my life where I thought my. Yeah, I was this girl.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, I've never gotten over any accent. I meet the next one. Like I'm obsessed with that person till I meet someone else. Like for the most part I think it just is like a time for me. It was always like finding someone else that I liked more and I was like, oh, thank God. Like, I like this person better.

[Trisha Paytas]

I do. Like, I don't even. This is not loveline because I don't think this is the best advice. But I love like a. In order to get over someone, sometimes you have to get under someone else. Sometimes you got to work through your own traumas. Like, don't use them to fill a void and cover up. But it is important to get back out there because they're your ex for a reason.

[Tana Mongeau]

Absolutely. Have you gotten back with an ex?

[Trisha Paytas]

I'm like carry the really?

[Tana Mongeau]

I guess I don't know. Like you're like love life like that. So like, I don't know the lore as you would say.

[Trisha Paytas]

The lore. The lore runs deep. I definitely got all these situations I relate to so hard. I felt like in times of my life where I truly was not over someone, like, I just really had to appreciate the relationship for what it is, you know, like, what it was, what it taught me, the person it made me. And, like, that's what I feel like I would tell her, like, appreciate that he made you the person you are, but he is your ex for a reason, and if it was meant to.

[Tana Mongeau]

Be, it would be your. He would be yours. You know, I do believe that because I always think, like, no, that was, like, the love of my life. And then you look back and you're just like, that person didn't like you. That person didn't want you. There was a reason you guys weren't meant to be together. Because I think every single person I've ever dated, I was like, that was the love of my life. I would, like, cry for, like, years over a lot of people.

[Trisha Paytas]

I didn't know that.

[Tana Mongeau]

I really didn't know that. You just seem like someone who just moves on quickly. Like, doesn't care, keeps it moving.

[Trisha Paytas]

I try to keep it cute, but, like, I'm in the car with Paige, like, screaming to Gracie Abrams again, Now I'm healed, but for so long I was not.

[Tana Mongeau]

Because you never went to the Internet and, like, cried. I've never seen you, like, crying about a guy online.

[Trisha Paytas]

That makes me so happy, because I definitely have. But I love that you haven't seen.

[Tana Mongeau]

You did a video. Video crying somewhere, for sure. About a boy.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. I cried over Brad Sousa on the Internet. I cried over Jake Paul on the Internet.

[Tana Mongeau]

What was the video? What was the context? You're just like, they broke up with me. Like, what is it you did? Is it still out there?

[Trisha Paytas]

I had. Yeah. After. Because Brad cheated on me. So then I, like, sat down and, like, sobbed about that. And then with Jake, like, when we were just, like. There was, like, problems. I don't even remember what they were, but I know I was in bed in a striped T shirt. Oh, Chris Miles. I was on Twitter every single day tweeting something.

[Tana Mongeau]

Were you sad or were you, like, angry?

[Trisha Paytas]

All of it. Every emotion. Everything. My digital footprint.

[Tana Mongeau]

I never knew this about you. I was like, wow.

[Trisha Paytas]

So happy. That's such a serve for me.

[Tana Mongeau]

So crazy, because I was not. Like, no one ever, like, cries about their boyfriend online. And then I was like, oh, wow, that's crazy.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, my God. Finally healed. But, like, yeah, I don't know. I think what Trisha said is so right, though, too. Not even just, like, what's meant to have been would have been, but what's meant to be will be. Like, if 10 years down the line if you guys are meant to be, you will be.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Nothing, nothing could like, stop what's meant to be yours. I truly feel, because, like, I feel like the beginning of like my husband, like when we started dating Moses, I literally was like, everything that could have possibly gone wrong went wrong. I like destroying curveballs and tests here and there. I was like, oh, there should be every, like 5,000 reasons why he should not have been with me and broken up with me. But we stopped finding a way together somehow. So I think it's just like meant to be and you can't screw it up. And I, like, tried, I tried to sabotage it so many times. I think you just can't when it's like meant to be and you're just like, like little things are like, bring us back together. Like, someone would like break into my house and I'd call them because I'd be scared. I'm like, well, I feel like, like God just wants me to call this man to come back.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

You know, so shout out to that robber.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, not kidding.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like three times it happened. It was every time, like Moses and I would get into like an argument for a minute. I really thought, I was like, did you like, call these people? Because, like, as soon as his car would be gone during the pandemic, it would happen. So I guess people were just like looking at the house and seeing like if his car was there. So when it was gone for a period of time, that's when it would happen. And I'd call him, he come back. Nothing happened again.

[Trisha Paytas]

My crazy. Imagine it's like a paid, like you're asking a paid actor.

[Tana Mongeau]

I was like, did you hire them? Because it happens every three times.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's iconic.

[Tana Mongeau]

I don't think he wanted.

[Trisha Paytas]

My crazy, would never do that. But that's something I would have definitely done at some point in my life.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, it just, you know, it. Five years is a long time. But I. It took me five years to get over a guy I dated like in my 20s. Didn't even like, leave the house. The college yesterday was talking about how like, nobody would, like, they wouldn't leave the house with them. And I dated a guy like that for like three years. We couldn't like, leave the house. But I was so in love with him and it took so long to get over him.

[Trisha Paytas]

And it's hard because you just especially like, you look back on the past with such rose colored glasses.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

And you only remember how happy you were with the person. And it's like. And you just you know what I mean? Water down the bad moments. You're like, well, it wasn't that bad that, you know, this was the love of my life and whatever, but your ex is for a reason.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

And I think that's just.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's crazy. Isn't that crazy, too? They could be the worst person in the whole world, and you're just like, but that was the love of my life. And it's like, no, that's not. I read somewhere, like, love of your life is not the person you're crying over. Like, if they're making you cry, that's not the love of your life.

[Trisha Paytas]

And number one thing. Back to Gabbie. Hannah's advice, always and thing you've got to have is someone who wants you the way you want them. Girl, I really. I don't care if it's. I think you need to get under some new people to get over someone else.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, I think so, too. I think that definitely helps or makes it worse. You know, I mean, most of the time, yes. But one time after I broke up, or I didn't break up, everyone's always broken up with me. I'm like, when I broke up with someone, it's, like, always been broken up with. I went on, like, a. It wasn't a date, but kind of. Do you know who Fabio is?

[Trisha Paytas]

Why do I know who Fabio is?

[Tana Mongeau]

He has, like, long blonde hair. He's, like, on the COVID of all the romance pops. Do you know he's from, like, the 80s? I went on, like, a three way. It wasn't like a date, but it was like a date where we, like, met up with him in the Pacific Palisades, like, a month after, like, breaking up with this person who was like, the person I did was like, so. And I don't mean this mean, but just, like, so unattractive. Like, just like, maybe like the, like, ugliest person I've ever seen. And. But I was like, so, like, whatever. So then I got with Fabio, who. And I say that to compare. Fabio's a male model, right? Like, he's this gorgeous guy. He. We had just came back from Maui shooting my music video, like, on the beach, now a bed. And, like, we went on this, like, date. And it wasn't a date because my mom and sister with me, but it was kind of like this, like, whatever kind of a date thing or whatever. But then I was like, oh, like, you know, this is gonna. This can be Graham here with Fabio. Like, I'm gonna get over this person. But then it just, like, made me kind of, like, miss that person. Because even though he was, like, ugly, he was, like, funny, and Bobby was really sweet, but not funny, so I was like, oh, my gosh. So. But sometimes it does. It. Sometimes it does feel better.

[Trisha Paytas]

So I agree. Like, it. If it's not the right fit, it will make you feel worse. But don't give up, you know, Just keep going. Even just really think about what you didn't like in that person. Because even though you miss your ex, he's still your extra reason. There's got to be something and look for that in other people. Like the things that he didn't fulfill for you, you know?

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, exactly. So I believe in you, girl.

[Trisha Paytas]

I know it's hard.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, it's really hard. It takes time and it takes someone else to show you how amazing you.

[Trisha Paytas]

Are, and you're like, oh, 100. They are your ex for a reason.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love it. That's a Gabby Hannah reference again. We should get her on Dr. Drew. Gabby Hannah, those are our guest list.

[Trisha Paytas]

Clock it.

[Caller]

Ms. Hannah, Ms. Trish, let me say I love you.

[Trisha Paytas]

I love you, too.

[Caller]

Thank you so much for, first of all, having this opportunity. I'm very happy that I get to call in. Second of all, okay, here's the tea. I've been with my boyfriend for five years. Five years. I feel like I don't know what to do because ultimately he wants kids and I don't. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me forever. And obviously, if I'm not going to give him kids, he doesn't want to be with me forever. So, like, I'm at a point where I'm like, okay, this is cool. We're having fun. But, like, what should I do? Like, I'm in my early 20s. Like, I want to date, like, women, like, low key. What's the tea?

[Tana Mongeau]

What do I do?

[Caller]

Queens love you, girl.

[Trisha Paytas]

You know what you want to do, right?

[Tana Mongeau]

She said it herself. Like, I'm into women. Go there.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. You know, exactly. Exactly what you. That's hard because I get it. Like, if you don't want kids, you don't want kids.

[Tana Mongeau]

I think that's a big, like, boundary that, like, you shouldn't change for someone. I think, yeah, it's.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's really hard and definitive because you, like, as someone with parents who I feel like didn't want me, like, you know what I mean? Like, that's the. You don't want to be that. You don't want to. You know what I mean?

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, you can tell the parents who, like, do not want kids. And you're, like, so sad for the kids.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. And it's like, if you clearly know that that is, it's the biggest boundary, arguably.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, but then you know what, it's crazy because, like, okay, John Mulaney, so, like, he was with his wife for, like, 10 years. She wanted kids, he didn't. They divorced six months later, he gets Olivia Munn pregnant, and they have, they're on their second baby now.

[Trisha Paytas]

I, I, oh, my. I'm speechless. I would be murderous. Like, oh, my God.

[Tana Mongeau]

So, but, but is it like, like, okay, I'll use a different example as a female. So, like, you know, Genie Mai, she's from, like, the, the real or something. She's like, she's, she's a host. Anyways, she was with same thing, her husband for, like, 10, 12 years. She didn't want kids. He. He did. They divorced. He ends up having a baby. She goes and meets, she goes with a rapper, she goes with a rapper and she, he wants a kid, so she has a baby with him. He leaves her a year after. And she, like, didn't. It's like, obviously she said she wanted to be with him, but then he leaves her and, like, cheats on her and all this stuff like that. Meanwhile, so she left her husband of 10 years. She wanted kids and was like, so about her. And then now she's, like, left with being a single mom, which, I mean, it happens. It's not her fault, but she, she was basically saying, like, it was, it wasn't about not wanting kids. She wanted to meet the right person to have kids with, in her opinion. So can you change if you meet someone who's like, I love you and I want a kid with you?

[Trisha Paytas]

That is so, so, so true. Like, I spent a lot of my life thinking I didn't want kids. And then as I started to love myself and love my partner more now it's like, I want 17 little lint lickers running around my house. And, like, that's crazy. You know, right? And early 20s. It's like you have so much more time and you don't want to make that decision right now when you're not sure.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes.

[Trisha Paytas]

And, like, if you stay with this man and you never les out, I think you will spend the rest of your life being like, I never lezed out. I never tried. I never munched some box.

[Tana Mongeau]

Definitely munch some box, because the box munchers, I know, they were like, I didn't know until, like, that they tried it. You know what I mean? I think it's a lot different for women, like, to. To really know. I mean, some people just know. Right. But, like, for me, too, it's like, you don't know unless you, like, try. You're like, maybe this is it. And then once you do it, you're like, this is what was missing. You know what I mean? Like, I was. But I think girls, it's a little harder because it's just like, oh, I'm supposed to like men. I think I like men. They're okay. But then you're with a woman that changes your life, and you're just like, this is what I was missing. So that might be your body kind of just telling you, like, maybe not with this person or this gender.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. It's so true. And it's like, I also think that if this guy that she's with is maybe the one, he will understand those things. And then maybe you guys get back together in five years when you have everything figured out.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes.

[Trisha Paytas]

And then your soccer mom minivan, the house down, boots, and you're like, so happy.

[Tana Mongeau]

You're like, okay, I did everything I needed to do. And I think everyone's having kids so much later. I literally talked to someone today because I was like, do you want more kids? I was like, I'm kind of getting older.

[Trisha Paytas]

And she.

[Tana Mongeau]

If it makes you feel any better, my mom and dad were in their 50s when they happened me. And I was like, okay, slay. And they're, like, still alive, still.

[Trisha Paytas]

Well.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I was like, okay, so everyone's, like, having kids later. So I think in your 20s, unless you're like, for sure you want to be a parent. I think, like, wait and 100.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. I think that it's just hard because it's like, you're comfortable. You've been with this guy for five years. You love him. But feeling like you have more to explore is always. That's. It's a really hard situation. But again, if he's the one, it will all work out. And, yeah, you don't want to be 45 and in a situation where you have regrets this heavy. Heavy. This deep. Like, those are deep things to regret. Like, I have a kid and I regret it. Or like, I never. Oh, I might not be with the right gender, and I regret.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, that's. Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, those kind of things are huge. It's really your body telling you, like, give some other people a try. You don't need to dump him. But if he's Like a hard. Like, I need babies now. Like, I wish I could be with you, but I can't.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

You know, so. Yeah, but that's. Yeah. Kids are such a big boundary. I wouldn't let anyone, like, sway you. If you're on the fence about it. I would say if you're on the fence, like, don't do it. But yeah, you'll know if you know.

[Trisha Paytas]

Go, Luz out. Girl, we love you.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, that's a good name for a podcast. Go Liz.

[Trisha Paytas]

Wow. I love Liz Out.

[Tana Mongeau]

I would love that at first, like, time with being with women, like, those experiences. Because I'm so curious when people are with a girl for the first time. Because mine was like, so. I was so bad at it. I was like, God, I would love to know how people were, like, if they were good at it. You know what I mean?

[Trisha Paytas]

It's way harder than being with a man, for sure.

[Tana Mongeau]

You can't just lay there. I mean, you could, but that wouldn't be fun.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. And just it, like, all of it emotionally, like, women think about how we are emotionally imagined. Like, two of that. Oh, yeah. It's a lot like, I just feel like men are just so different.

[Tana Mongeau]

Disconnected. Yeah. I. Yeah, they cry more with, like, lesbians.

[Trisha Paytas]

Girl fights will go on for two weeks. Like, a man will be like, okay, we've exhausted this. You know, Like, I've never fully dated girl.

[Tana Mongeau]

I guess you have. I've never fully been in a relationship, so I don't know. I've only, like, been with a girl.

[Trisha Paytas]

And I always really dated girls like me who are, like, a little crazy, a little wild. So when I'm like, oh, my God, it's like looking in a mirror. Like, I almost need someone to, like.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like a little bit more.

[Trisha Paytas]

Which could have been a girl. I just never dated any calm girls ever.

[Tana Mongeau]

LA has some crazy spicy girls and wild girls, but we are LA girls, so we fit in that category as well.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's true. Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Love all the girls.

[Trisha Paytas]

Moses and our makoas to make us not murder us.

[Tana Mongeau]

I would have loved been with a girl. I'm just really bad at it, like, intimately. I'm bad at it.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. And it's way. It feels way more intimate and, like, naked and like.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, just your, like, heart. It's like. It's almost. Almost like a lot.

[Tana Mongeau]

I also think I was, like, very insecure to be with, like, in a lesbian relationship. I was so insecure. I really just thought I was, I don't know, not attractive enough. Whereas opposed to being with like a man, you're just like, well, I'm the prettiest girl in this relationship. You know, literally.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's so true. And like all the clothes sharing and getting jealous over girlfriends and like just.

[Tana Mongeau]

All of it so triggered because one time I was with a girl and said can I like borrow like literally borrow a shirt? It literally looked like a 6 foot 6, 600 pound man sweatshirt on her. She was like swallowed in it. And I was like, oh my God, I'm the man in this relationship. You're being swallowed.

[Trisha Paytas]

Always the man. I couldn't agree more with that. It's crazy. I feel like there are girls who genuinely tried to date me just to borrow my clothes. Like and I'm not, I'm literally not lying.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's a good idea in theory that you triple double your wardrobe if they do not have the same wardrobe. And mine did not have the same wardrobe. Mine's target everything. Like if we were in a relationship it would be. We'd be matching all the time.

[Trisha Paytas]

But don't get discouraged, girl. Like seriously, go lazy. We love you.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, the girl the it's really the year of the it's really the decade of lesbians. And I really think they're like here to stay and I think you should go. You should go that way for sure, 100%.

[Trisha Paytas]

Especially if you're thinking about it and there are so many great girls out there. My experiences are unfortunately tainted because it's not Loveline. You get it, girl.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love lesbian questions. I hope we should a whole episode just lesbians.

[Trisha Paytas]

I love it.

[Tana Mongeau]

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[Caller]

I had a question of how do I get my boyfriend to propose faster to me? I feel like it's been forever. All right, love you girls. Bye.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, no, wait. What happened?

[Trisha Paytas]

No, I'm thinking diabolically, like, last night. What was like, what was the one that we had last night where. Oh, it was on Patreon. But we were trying. I was. We were saying to like to convince this man to do something on the Patreon. We were saying to make him think it was his idea.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, we love again. You're like, gaslight him.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, literally, like, I'm so. I'm trying to think.

[Tana Mongeau]

But proposals are so good. I don't know if it's gaslighting. That's why I feel like the term's a little much because, like, letting someone think something's their idea, they did come up with it eventually. You just guided them that way. You know what I mean? It's like you like, put. You force them to say it. So. And I think there is something to it when you feel like you came up with the idea. You know what I mean?

[Trisha Paytas]

I'm trying to think of how you could gaslight a man into thinking that proposing to you was his idea.

[Tana Mongeau]

I don't know. It's tough. That's a tough one. I think in general, like, proposing faster. I was definitely someone who's just like, when are we getting married?

[Trisha Paytas]

That's literally me Ask Makoa every day.

[Tana Mongeau]

Wait, really?

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

You don't.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, you're not trying to get engaged.

[Trisha Paytas]

I'm taking things just, like, at a normal pace. Like, I'm not being insane.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's over a year. I feel like a year is the time time. Or is that too quick? I don't know. I thought years, like an engagement. Because you could be engaged for like four years, five years. I love being. I've always said the engagement is the best part because you just got a ring and you're like, I'm committed. And you're not really committed yet. And you can just like. Well, you are, but yeah, it's not like a legal contract. You know what I mean?

[Trisha Paytas]

I agree fully. Being engaged is so sorry for my usage of that editors. But maybe you're like looking at a Pinterest board of rings. Maybe, ooh, go on his phone and then like, go on his Explore page and start looking at a bunch of rings. So then they just naturally come up on his Explore page more. And then he'll be thinking, like, oh, this is a sign. And, like, it's not, but, like, it.

[Tana Mongeau]

Is, but it kind of is. That's actually kind of tea. I would just show, like, the rings I liked. I was like, oh, look at these rings. You know what I mean? And I think they. I think ultimately, like, it will be his decision, too. I feel like if it's not fast enough for you, I don't know, on.

[Trisha Paytas]

Christmas Day, you could open a big box and be like, oh, my God, is this the ring? Like, just like, you know it's not. He knows it's not. But, like, you're planting the idea, right?

[Tana Mongeau]

Does everything is like, oh, my God, is this a proposal? And you're like, no.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, oh, pay doctors could be of use here. Like, but, like, hire two people, and you guys are like, at lunch, and then, like, you hire a guy to propose. You're like, oh, my God, babe, look, he's proposing.

[Tana Mongeau]

All right, that's a good idea. Always have your nails done. Just be like, nails are ready. You know, I think ultimately you probably can't speed up the process. Like, being real. I think, like, that's good hints, but.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, I. I do, like, real, honest truth. I think that a man is ready when he's ready. That's why the taxi cab theory exists. Have you ever heard about that? Where it's like, a guy will be with a girl. It was kind of similar to what you were saying, I think, with John Mulaney. But, like. Like, a guy will be with a girl for five years, and she's like, proposed to me, whatever. He doesn't. They break up, and then a year down the line, he's with a new girl and he proposes because the taxicab came by and the light was on. He was ready. Like, do you know what I mean? You can't make anyone ready for anything is the real advice, obviously.

[Tana Mongeau]

I think so. I think also, too, it's like, there could be things. Maybe he really does want to marry you. Maybe he can't afford the ring, can't afford the proposal. You know, there's, like, so many things. He's stressed. It's not the right time. You know, all stuff like that. I think, think. I think all of that comes into.

[Trisha Paytas]

Play, and you want to marry someone you can communicate with. And the real truth is, like, if you guys sat down and you were just like, hey, what. What are you thinking of the timeline of our future, right? Are you thinking about the timeline of our future. And how do you feel about these things? You know, maybe he saw stuff with his parents he didn't like or what? I just. So many things are factors.

[Tana Mongeau]

Communication's a big one. Yeah, I think. And then you're on the same page. Like, I knew the engagement was coming, but, like, I didn't know when, which was fine. It was, like, a surprise. But I at least knew because we had, like, so many talks about it where I'm like, I. I really do want to be, like, engaged, married, kid, you know, that kind of thing. And so I think you just have to have that communication. And I push in every relationship. When are we getting married? When are we getting married? And it's like. It's the worst feeling to be that person. You know what I mean? They should just, like, want to do it. You should be on the same page.

[Trisha Paytas]

I agree. And I do think there's a mark when people are like, we've been together dating for eight years, and he hasn't proposed. I'm like, girl, especially if one wants.

[Tana Mongeau]

It, it's like, okay. Like, there's people who are like, we didn't want it. We didn't care. Okay, great. But then the people who are like, I'm waiting eight years. I'm like, don't wait that long.

[Trisha Paytas]

And then it's like. Then it's like, I would tell the girl she deserves someone who is ready and wants her more, you know? But each situation is different.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. You don't want to, like, waste your life, but it'll probably happen. Communicate patient.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, communicate. Be patient. Or hire paid actors and, you know, seed his whole explore page.

[Tana Mongeau]

And the good one. Just talk about it a lot around the phone. Look up the rings.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, it's, like, asleep, and you're in the phone. Like, wedding ring.

[Caller]

Yes.

[Trisha Paytas]

That would literally be me.

[Tana Mongeau]

It works. It works. I would always show, like, oh, my God, look, they got proposed. Oh, my God, look how he did it. Like, I was always, like, showing that. You know what I mean? It's the way to go. It will be with the right person. I thought I'd never get married. And then someone. Someone out there will want to marry you. Maybe it's him. So be patient.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, I hope it's him. And we love you.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Yeah. Next question.

[Caller]

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[Tana Mongeau]

I asked Stewart from accounting about his weekend. Even though I don't care, I updated.

[Caller]

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All right, we're all set for the party. I've trimmed the tree, hung the mistletoe, and paired all those weird shaped knives and forks with the appropriate cheeses. And I plugged in the Partisan.

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It's a home cocktail maker that makes over 60 premium cocktails, plus a whole lot of seasonal favorites too. I just got it for 50 off. So how about a Cosmopolitan or a Mistletoe margarita?

I'm thirsty.

Watch. I just pop in a capsule, choose.

[Tana Mongeau]

My strength and wow, it's beginning to.

[Caller]

Feel more seasonal in here already.

If your holiday party doesn't have a bartender, then you become the bartender. Unless you've got a Bartesian, because Bartesian crafts every cocktail perfectly in as little as 30 seconds. And I just got it for $50 off.

Tis the season to be jollier.

[Tana Mongeau]

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[Caller]

Hi, I have a question. I went out with this guy a few times. Everything is pretty chill. I went to meet his like mom and sister and everybody then on the ride home tells me he doesn't want anything serious, but I still kind of like him. And we went. No contact. His birthday is coming up soon. Should I slide back in and get in with like the happy birthday text?

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, Mia's. I've happy birthday. My way back into so many people's lives. Yeah, that was like one of my favorites. And then calendar like, oh my God, when I was insane. Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Wow. It never worked. I always did it and never worked for me. They like blocked me. Like, stop.

[Trisha Paytas]

That also happened to me. Don't worry, don't worry.

[Tana Mongeau]

I never once had it work. But you did.

[Trisha Paytas]

It does work. But dude, I've been talking about this with a lot of my friends lately because I just have a lot of friends who will be in like situationships and we talk about it, but like men really will like take you to meet their mother and on the car ride home tell you they don't want anything serious. Yeah, they're like asking for your ring size and then the next day saying they don't want a Girlfriend.

[Tana Mongeau]

Did you see that on Tick Tock? I saw a guy, like, literally, like, everything he says right before he breaks up to you, he's like, what's your ring size? Just asking. And yeah, guys are the worst in that category. I think that that's. And I don't know why they're like that. Like, what? What's the point me, Right?

[Trisha Paytas]

Literally just take your out. Like, that's what you want to do anyways. Why are you wasting my time?

[Tana Mongeau]

I will never understand that. Yeah, part of the male psychology. I don't know. Unless they're like, trying to show their family they have a girlfriend or something. Like, it is very odd. I do not wish to understand it. Her question was, though, at the end, what was her question?

[Trisha Paytas]

If she should happy birthday. Her way back in.

[Tana Mongeau]

I mean, yeah, if your heart feels that way. I mean, I have birthday every single time. Once that birthday came around, I was like, you know what you shouldn't do? It's like, if they're like, someone passes away in their family. Because I used to be like, oh, my God, I heard this person passed away in your family. I'm so sorry. And they would literally be like, don't do that. They're literally like, leave me alone.

[Trisha Paytas]

Piercing your way back into their life. That's it. That's so funny. And it's not funny, but it's so funny.

[Tana Mongeau]

I would just do it by like, just stalking. I'm like, oh, my God. I found out, like, someone's like, grandma passed away. And I was just like, oh, my God.

[Trisha Paytas]

You're like Facebook pages deep, like, real.

[Tana Mongeau]

And they're literally like, blocked me. Literally. It was on Facebook. They blocked me on Facebook. I was like, damn, they knew. So I think a happy birthday is, you know what? If your heart feels with it, just go with your heart. Because at the end of the day, if you don't do it, you're gonna be like, I wish. Because it worked for you sometimes.

[Trisha Paytas]

So, yeah, I mean, I agree. Like, I agree if you really feel this way, but you have to account for the fact that in eight months time, you might end up in the same situation where now it's like, he did this, this and this, and he still doesn't want a relationship. Like, he told you, he showed you who he is and you don't want to have to sell yourself to someone like, please date me, please this, please that. You deserve better and you are already out of it.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's sane advice. But we both know, like, we've all done it.

[Trisha Paytas]

I Have happy groundhogs. D my way back into a man's life. Okay. Like I, that's you rest in peace in your way back. It is so I'll never get over that. That's so funny. So I mean like it happens, girl, you know, send him some confetti via emoji and you might be getting that again but if he, you, if he does the same thing, you can't be surprised. So just really, you know, think about that.

[Tana Mongeau]

Put it out there but be prepared that it may not work out. But good luck. Happy birthday.

[Trisha Paytas]

Happy birthday, babe.

[Tana Mongeau]

Next caller.

[Caller]

Hi, Tricia and Tana, this is Katherine from West Virginia and I have a question. What kind of advice would you give a 55 year old woman, obviously single, on how to land a guy, like have more men or potential suitors, so to speak. Be interested in me. I'm having a hard time with it. I don't know if it's just like the guys around here or what it is. But anyhow I'm bored. But yeah, so we're, my son and I are actually coming to New York and we're going to come see your married Trishma. Super excited about it and yeah. So kind of give me some ideas, would you please? I need some help. Really, really bad. Talk to you later. Bye bye.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh my God, that's so cute.

[Tana Mongeau]

From West Virginia coming up to New York. That's so sweet.

[Trisha Paytas]

So cute.

[Tana Mongeau]

I hope you meet someone at my show. That'd be so cute.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, that's so cute. Catherine that like, oh my God, that's so cute.

[Tana Mongeau]

It is so cute. I know. After I love her seeing your show, that's what inspired me to do mine says wow, you had so many people there that like love you guys so much and it's like so surreal to see people in real life like, you know what I mean? And you're like so many people. I was just like got to even see like one person, one person held up a gesture shutting. I'm like even that one person's like, wow, there's a real life person that likes me. You know, it's just like so cool.

[Trisha Paytas]

And there are so many. I will tell you this till the dawn of time. You have the best fans in the world and like just hearing like how much in her voice, how much she loves you, like that is like so beautiful and she's so sweet.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love that she's like a hobo romantic. Not giving him love because obviously the sun. So she's been in a relationship before because I Was like thinking like, has she never been in a relationship? Which is very like actually normal too. I see that on TikTok a lot. Like people in their 40s never having a boyfriend. I think it's super normal. I say that all the time. Like, I really don't have a real boyfriend to like I met Moses like when I was 32. So I think normalized, like not having a boyfriend, but she's obviously been in a relationship. And you sound so sweet. I can't wait to see you in New York. But.

[Trisha Paytas]

And I don't want to like make it think be sad, you know, it's not sad. Like she wants to find something. She's excited. She's gathered all this life experience to now like meet someone in this like new version of herself. And like, that's really cool.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh yeah, that's what I'm saying. The fact that she's like so excited about it still. Because I think at some, some age you can just be like, oh, like I'm over it. You know what I mean? So that fact that she's still out there, like looking and wanting to meet guys, it may be tough. She did say, like her area. It's like maybe like, I don't know West Virginia that well. But you know, sometimes you exhaust all your options in your area. You have a son, so maybe harder.

[Trisha Paytas]

To move, but it may be a small town. I'd be right.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, oh my God, you're in la. And I still feel like you see like the same people.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

So I think being in a small town, yeah, like you just could move to like another town. Know how easy that is to just. But maybe find more or set your bumble or whatever to like a bigger.

[Trisha Paytas]

A bigger radius, like nine day fiance.

[Tana Mongeau]

They go on like international dating sites.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, they do. That is so true.

[Tana Mongeau]

You know what I mean?

[Trisha Paytas]

I was just at my best friend's brother's wedding, right. And so I've known her parents forever and they got divorced a while back and I love her parents so much, but it just, it wasn't working. And they waited till the kids were old enough and they got divorced. And then both of them went. One went on match.com and one went on like some other or something. And now they're both in the happiest relationships and they're friends. Family is so happy. And seeing that at the wedding, I was like, this is so awesome. Yeah, that like it almost like seeing her mom, it was like, it almost felt like she was like, she's like a 21 year old girl again with the like guy that she should have been with all along and she met him and they met on match.com like people talk.

[Tana Mongeau]

Good. Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

And people talk about that. Like it's like antiquated or scary or whatever. Like I think that it's about getting back out there and really going on the dates, really talking to the people. Even if you're scared. I don't know if you drink, have a glass of wine maybe and go on those dates. Girl.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, keep going out, keep talking to people. I think that's a, that's such a big one. That's so cool. It is cool because you can, you can. I think you have multiple loves of your life. So you know what I mean? Like if you think it was like the love of life. I think I saw it on like the Golden Bachelor, right? There was like soul mates and they like they got widowed or something. So then they find someone else and there's like a second love. I think there's so many like second chance at love. And I do, I do love that too. And I feel. Yeah, just go out there and, and.

[Trisha Paytas]

Just don't let the fact like your age or anything like discourage you. You can feel 21 again. You could end up having the best of your life. The hottest. Oh yeah, Everything. Like you could feel hotter than you've ever felt, more loved, more seen. And like I just, I love her and I.

[Tana Mongeau]

55 is young, actually. I used to think like 30 was old, 50 was old. And when you actually think about it, like I look at like my parents who are almost close to 70, they still feel so young to me. They still are like so active and stuff. So 55 is very young, you know, So I think it's.

[Trisha Paytas]

You can be bouncing on it tomorrow, girl. And that's what we want for you. We do.

[Tana Mongeau]

How does she go about it? How does she find the people Match.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. Like I think web sponsored dating. Right? Come on. Match.com. come on. Plenty of fish.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's plenty of fish around.

[Trisha Paytas]

Why do I know that?

[Tana Mongeau]

I don't know. I used to have a dating app in the UK called Plenty of Trish. I did look it up. It's like a weird, it was a weird, sketchy.

[Trisha Paytas]

No way. And like your fans were meeting and dating each other.

[Tana Mongeau]

I don't know. Really? That's like, do you want to have a dating app? And I was like, yeah. And I'm actually not sure.

[Trisha Paytas]

That is the sickest thing I've ever heard. I love your lore. Like I Would have never found that out if we weren't shooting the show right now. You would have never told me that.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's kind of a bad name for a dating. Like, plenty of Trish.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's so iconic, though. It's just like, that's so iconic.

[Tana Mongeau]

Plenty of Trish.

[Trisha Paytas]

Only you will relate to this. But sometimes it's like, at least the name was good. Like, you know what I mean?

[Tana Mongeau]

We have very similar names in that sense where there's a lot of puns we can do. Like, I still think you should have a self tanner because your name sounds like. That was like, you're so tan, Tana. Like, it's cute. It's so cute. Like, why don't you have one?

[Trisha Paytas]

It's so true. I really should. Honestly, I feel like my tangent always is like splotchy. So I'm not the poster.

[Tana Mongeau]

Good. There was a guy on TikTok who made a self tanner, Matthew Stevens. He's been on our podcast. Really?

[Trisha Paytas]

Is he the one that had the drama with Michaela?

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes. After that he came to my show.

[Trisha Paytas]

He think he came to the same show you came to, actually.

[Tana Mongeau]

Really?

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. And he like gave us the product. I was going to try it, but I forgot.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's good. Illusion bronze. I'm not sponsored. But he's. He's sweet. He's very sweet. He used to work for Mariah Carey. He was like a resistant.

[Trisha Paytas]

No way. I wonder what that was like. People have lots of stories about Mariah Carey.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. I love her. His story seemed nice. Yeah, that's good. Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Imagine during the holidays just walking in her house and she's like hitting the whistle tone. Like, that'd be the. Yeah. Like so good. I would die.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love her so much.

[Trisha Paytas]

How do we get to more. I love this show. This is so fun. Catherine, we love you.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. You're gonna find someone for sure.

[Caller]

Hey, Tana and Trish, I was wondering what your guys opinion is. I basically hooked up with a guy one night, had a couple drinks, was really feeling him, hooked up with him. This was amazing. And then right after he let me know that he was married, but he's still texting me constantly. And this was really good. But also, what do I do?

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, the real advice, like, leave him alone, he's married. Like, shame on him.

[Trisha Paytas]

But like, that's the thing. The like moral, like, I just. Eventually I. You will end up in a position where you feel so, so bad for his wife. Right. And like. Or you like him and then that's a mess.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's I think more it. Right. Because I, like, I've definitely been with people like that. And it's just like thinking like, oh, they'll leave the wife, they'll do all this and then you end up hurting yourself more. Like now, I obviously have, like, sympathy in that situation. But yeah, usually you don't think about the wife, which is like, fine, you know, you shouldn't be. That guy should be thinking about his wife. But I think ultimately it's gonna hurt yourself because you're gonna. Unless you're really.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's like guys all the time can have completely emotionless. Right? Like, guys all the time you see it where it's like, they're just the girl. They have no emotion. Who cares? And like, women should be able to do that too. But we also literally release different chemicals.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes.

[Trisha Paytas]

Different. Like oxytocin and all that. Like when we hook up with guys. And so, like, that's scary. And like falling for someone who you know is immediately showing you they're a liar.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. That's the worst. That's horrifying. Yeah. There's lots of good sex out there. You know what I mean? I know it could be like, amazing, but there is actually, like, lots of it, actually everything. And each one is a new experience with the last cloud. Who I was gonna say that, like, new love is exciting. I always say this most. I'm like, I'm sad. Will never have like a first kiss and a first. You know, because that's so exciting. Right? That whole, like, first time. So, you know, there you'll find someone else who's like, just as amazing, that's not married. Because honestly it just of a person. Unless he's like, we're in an open relationship or something, which clearly he obviously just lied to you. Yeah. I think that's a no go.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. And I totally get how it feels to be like, this is the best I've ever gotten. I'm never going to get it again.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my God.

[Trisha Paytas]

I'm going to stay. Just because it's so good. It doesn't exist out there. It does. Might take you a couple tries. Yeah, but it does. And you don't want a married man. Like, you're just. You're worth so much more than that. You know, it's like you deserve someone who wants you. And obviously, if you just want. Yes. You know, but still, like.

[Tana Mongeau]

But even if you get him, why they always say, like, you lose him, how you get him.

[Trisha Paytas]

Right.

[Tana Mongeau]

We saw it, obviously, sadly, with like, Chloe and stuff. You see this like, all the time. Like with Blake Shelton, like, with Miranda Lambert, it's like he. Yeah. Like, right. It's. And it just sucks. It's just how it is. And, like, so even if you are the one to change, I'm like, are you at know.

[Trisha Paytas]

And why do. Like, why. Just. Why even get yourself involved in this mess? I think it's better to get out now, like, you know what I mean, before you're sobbing over this man who's you and then going home to his wife and kissing her. Like, just.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, that's like, actual advice. Take it. Don't go to him. That's.

[Trisha Paytas]

Don't get stuck in sand, girl. It's. There's better out there. Yep.

[Caller]

Hi, Trisha. Hi, Tina.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm almost a year into the best relationship of my life.

[Caller]

Life. I found my Moses. I found my makoa. I'm hoping you can relate to this feeling, but I don't feel like I deserve it. I'm a great girlfriend, and I would never do anything to compromise my relationship, but I'm nervous that the person I was before I met him will ruin this somehow someday.

[Trisha Paytas]

Wow, that's a heavy question.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm not feeling deserving of your.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Partner.

[Trisha Paytas]

And almost feeling scared that a version of you still lives in you. You.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. That's terrifying. It is scary. I think, again, I think it kind of goes back to, like, you can't mess it up. I think, honestly. Stop saying that because honestly, like, it kind of manifests itself. When I used to say that, like, I would push people away. I don't deserve you. I don't. Whatever. But you, like, do deserve that. I feel like everybody, no matter what you've done in your past, your karma, whatever it is, everyone, like, is deserving of love. It feels like a basic, like, human need. Right? Like water, air, food. Lovely. Everyone needs it. So you are deserving of it. You just got it profound. Believe it.

[Trisha Paytas]

I'm not kidding. I almost literally teared up. That was so profound.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, you are. I mean, everyone is. I always thought that too. I was like, oh, you know, because I, you know, been an escort and been with married guys. Like, well, that's my karma. I'll just never have a happy relationship. I ruined so many people's. You know what I mean? But, like, I didn't. They. You do deserve it, and I don't think you can, like, mess it up. And you said it's like, it's a great relationship. He's a great guy, and there's a reason he's with you.

[Trisha Paytas]

And I also think I relate to that a lot. I honestly did feel that a lot with makoa. Not so much. I definitely. There were moments where still where you want. You want to convince yourself, your old self in there, your brain wants to convince yourself you don't deserve it. The bottom line with that is you do deserve it. You do, you do deserve it. That squash that thought right now. Because that thought, there's no good ending to that thought. That there's no thinking that is not going to get you absolutely anywhere. And I feel like, listen, you have made the steps right? Like, it's like you want to change, therefore that is step one and you no longer want to be that old version of yourself. But I did have a lot of moments with macoa where I would notice myself falling in to my old patterns, my natural reactions, my, you know, who I had been and low moments where I convinced myself, like, maybe this is always who I am and whatever. And I had to make active changes. I had to find myself, even just in small moments, possessing more patience, even just in coping mechanisms if something upsets me not going to. These coping mechanisms that do feel like home, that do feel like The Tana for 20 years did know and rely on. And it is an active feeling of choosing every day to actively resist those until you fully unlearn those behaviors. But if you love someone and enough, you will do it. And you are capable of that and you are capable of more and you are not. Do not feel like you are in that box forever. But trust me when I say I this arguably on not love line is the question I've related to the most. Like, I really had moments where I looked in the mirror and I was like, God, will I just be this awful, this, this, this and forever? And ultimately I'm not. I won't. I've changed and I continue to change every day. And I make that choice every day.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. You know, agreed. Can I agree more? And I feel that exactly the same thing. I thought I was always just like this. I'm like, people just have to deal with this. This is who I am.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's not. You can change. You can. You can also like literally rewire like chemicals in your brain. Like, you know, like, we all, a lot of us have chemical imbalances and you can actually change all that and just, you know, seek the help, whatever your issues are. And you know, again, like, I've. I. It took a while for me to like change and it's a lot of trial and error but like they stand by you, especially if you have a good guy. Like, like they understand, they see the effort and they'll stand by you and it'll work out like.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. And like active growth in any capacity, whether it's a relationship or growing who you are in any way takes that every day. You have to wake up and say, I'm gonna change. I'm gonna resist what I naturally would go to do, you know, and you can and you will.

[Tana Mongeau]

And it's so possible. That's why I'm like thankful for all the like crazy behavior that I've had out there or the toxic behavior because I'm like, it's embarrassing and it like, is a stain on me forever. But at least it shows. Like, you know, not like lashing out every min and not crying every time we have a problem. It's like, like people are like, oh, it's possible. It's like have your life together a little bit. Yeah, I couldn't agree more.

[Trisha Paytas]

So I literally, I couldn't agree more. And we're still changing every day. You know, it's, it's an act, it's a process and it's an active process. And I believe in you, girl.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, same and yeah. And you are deserving.

[Trisha Paytas]

And you're with the trial and error too. Like if you have a good guy, he's going to be nothing but supportive of that journey of growth. And it sounds like you do. So.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, don't ruin it. Don't self sabotage 100%.

[Trisha Paytas]

Acknowledge those feelings, but don't fall victim to them.

[Tana Mongeau]

You know, That's a great advice. Final question, why we're slaying today.

[Trisha Paytas]

We are slaying. It's. This is like really? That last one was like good advice.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, that was a good one. It makes me happy. There's not like happy relationships. Remember we're saying like, God, everyone's in these horrible relationships. So there are good relationships and the girls are self doubting. So call us for that advice too.

[Caller]

So there's this guy that I see in the hall hallway at school and I don't know how to talk to him. I don't know how to start a conversation with him. Do you like have any advice for me? Please let me know.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, so cute. So cute.

[Trisha Paytas]

I remember that feeling.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like it's like, how do I talk to this boy?

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, like, oh my God.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh my God.

[Trisha Paytas]

She's like by her locker, like, that's so cute.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's so. Were you easy for you to talk to boys?

[Trisha Paytas]

No, definitely not. Like, you know, it's. It's like so nerve wracking. It's like the fe. Especially when you're younger, like, as you get rejected more and more in life, like, you, you build a show.

[Tana Mongeau]

Right.

[Trisha Paytas]

But at that time, it feels like, fatal.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes. It's like, oh, my God, he's gonna reject me by not talking to me. Find something in common. Find something he likes. I. I mean, at that age, you kind of. It's like so silly, but, like, find something he likes. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

And like, or even just compliment his shirt or that's something. Because here's what you have to remember too. Like, he's just as nervous to talk to girls as you are. Diva.

[Tana Mongeau]

Okay.

[Trisha Paytas]

I know we make, we put these men on a pedestal. We make them feel like, God, but like, he's just as nervous as you are to talk to girls. And I listen. My approach to life with everything though, and like, it gets easier as you get older. But it's like the worst someone can say is. No, like, you know, like the worst he can say, like, maybe he's not the one for you. He doesn't have a crush on you back. Whatever. There will be someone else at that school who does. Right.

[Tana Mongeau]

That wants to talk to you.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

And it's like, like, just shoot your shot. It's so fun because think about all the good that could come from it. And yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Just so many conversations in the hallway. And then just be, hi. I love a simple hello too. I love, like, making eye contact and be like, hello, Ryan. That was like my grade school crush. And he actually didn't never talk to me. He'd always, like, look away.

[Trisha Paytas]

He'd always, like, but listen, you were shooting your shot. Okay.

[Tana Mongeau]

Every time. Do you ever hear myself, like, hi, Ryan.

[Trisha Paytas]

Hey, Ryan.

[Tana Mongeau]

He literally would never look at me.

[Trisha Paytas]

I think Trisha's so right, though. Just like something maybe you guys have in common or something you've seen him, like, maybe ask about it. Maybe you could like it too.

[Tana Mongeau]

That worked for me more in junior high is like, I would try and find something they liked. Maybe it's like, not the best advice. Like, but I was like, oh, he likes, you know, I don't know. I don't know what junior high people like. But you would also, like, start to like that too.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. And you don't have to, like, necessarily, like, pretend to like what he likes. You could just ask about it. Maybe you end up liking what he likes and he teaches you something cool and whatever, you know? But Again, the work. Worst thing someone can say is no. And if it's not Ryan, it'll be Shmyan. You know, like, it's. I think, shoot your shot. It's gonna make your heart race and beat out of your chest and all that stuff. But that's fun.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's fun. I love that feeling. That's what I'm saying. I kind of miss that feeling of getting, like, excited to, like, talk to just, like, shitty.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's so cute. And, like. Yeah. Like, it's. It seems like the end of the world, but it's so not.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Yeah. I think putting yourself out there like that just opens up, like, opportunity. You know what I mean? You don't want to, like, I regret so much, like, not talking to certain people I wanted to talk to. You know what I mean? Because, like, what could have been, you know, Like, a friendship, an opportunity or something.

[Trisha Paytas]

You have so much in life, or. Yeah. You just don't want to feel that way. You could always make a big plan with some friends and invite him to the plan, too. Like. Or you could be sneaky. I was so sneaky in so many ways. Like, I'd, like, make friends with his friends. So then it was like, I know. I've done that. Like, pull. Pull up to the hangout. Like, you know, like, there's.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes.

[Trisha Paytas]

There's a million ways to get in there, girl. And, you know, you're smart. You got this.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. I love that advice. That's so good. Yeah. A compliment goes a long way.

[Trisha Paytas]

You, too. Yeah. Men are dumb.

[Tana Mongeau]

Gaslight, sneaky girl books. Well, you guys, we had fun giving advice. Did you?

[Trisha Paytas]

Yes.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, taking it.

[Trisha Paytas]

I honestly. We love you. And we love. Not love.

[Tana Mongeau]

We love. Not love lying. Because it's not great advice. Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

But some honest. There are some little nuggets in there where I'm like, God, we are philosophers.

[Tana Mongeau]

Actually slays. Yeah, we kind of are.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like Aristotle. Who's your philosopher?

[Trisha Paytas]

You'd be like, oh, my God. I don't think I know any other philosopher.

[Tana Mongeau]

I only know Aristotle. Is there any other person. Do you know any philosophers, Paige?

[Trisha Paytas]

No. Stradamus. Oh, it was Galileo.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, Aristotle. I just know that from Legally Blonde. I remember someone's like, Aristotle.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's as far as I'm going in the philosopher realm, but, okay, you're Galileo.

[Tana Mongeau]

That. You said Galileo. Who did you say?

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, but isn't he. Was he just like the stars? Oh, he was a scientist. Oh, I'm done. Thank you.

[Tana Mongeau]

What is a philosopher? At the other day, just people who like say stuff.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, we're literally philosophers, dude. We're literally philosophers.

[Tana Mongeau]

He was such a philosopher because he said something.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's like, okay, no, I'm sorry. Trisha and I are literally. Bye guys.

[Tana Mongeau]

Bye.

[Caller]

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[Tana Mongeau]

VGW Group void.

[Caller]

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