4: I CHEATED ON MY BF with HIS DAD!?! SHOULD I FIGHT THIS GIRL??

Summary

Podcast Summary: Not Loveline | Episode 4: "I CHEATED ON MY BF with HIS DAD!?! SHOULD I FIGHT THIS GIRL??"

Release Date: December 16, 2024

In Episode 4 of Not Loveline, hosts Tana Mongeau and Trish Paytas delve into a myriad of complex relationship issues brought forth by their listeners. Contrary to the title suggesting a singular focus, the episode encompasses several relationship dilemmas, offering candid and unfiltered advice based on their personal experiences rather than expert knowledge.

---

1. Cheating Scenarios: Devin & Haley

Devin's Dilemma (00:51 - 01:17): Devin reaches out with a startling confession: she cheated on her boyfriend with his father. Torn between guilt and confusion, Devin seeks guidance on whether to confront the woman involved.

• Trish Paytas (01:02):
  "I love you. You're thinking about reacting, but she just did something terrible. Don't let your boyfriend stop you from your husband."

• Tana Mongeau (01:18):
  "You should not keep being friends with her. It's the worst. There are plenty of men out there she doesn't have to target."

Haley's Confusion (25:32 - 29:58): Similar to Devin, Haley admits to sleeping with her boyfriend's father and is now grappling with the morality and repercussions of her actions. She questions whether to continue the affair or end it before further complications arise.

• Trish Paytas (25:38):
  "Girl, neither. That's weird. What? Holy Game of Thrones or something."

• Tana Mongeau (28:19):
  "Repent, girl. You got to get to the church and tell the priest for forgiveness."
  (Followed by a humorous exchange questioning the efficacy and authority of priests.)

---

2. Navigating Personal Trauma: Jaden & Devin

Jaden on BPD and Porn Addiction (30:17 - 34:29): Jaden shares her struggles with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and her boyfriend's porn addiction. She feels overwhelmed by guilt and insecurity, questioning her normalcy and ability to initiate intimacy.

• Trish Paytas (31:25):
  "There's nothing wrong with you. You are normal."

• Tana Mongeau (33:08):
  "Don't feel guilty about something that happened to you. You're not broken."

Devin's Obsession with Ex-Girlfriends (40:33 - 45:25): Another listener, Devin, confesses her obsession with her boyfriend's ex-girlfriends, leading her to stalk and compare herself incessantly.

• Trish Paytas (42:25):
  "Put the phone down. You are not some robot girl."

• Tana Mongeau (43:03):
  "He's with you. He left her. He wants you."

Key Advice:
The hosts emphasize the importance of self-awareness, setting personal boundaries, and engaging in healthy distractions or hobbies to mitigate obsessive thoughts. They also highlight the significance of open communication with partners and seeking professional help when dealing with deep-seated trauma.

---

3. Challenges with Straight Men: Devin's Frustration

Devin on Distrust of Straight Men (46:49 - 50:43): Devin expresses her frustration and distrust towards straight men, feeling overwhelmed by negative experiences on first dates and questioning her capability to form meaningful relationships.

• Trish Paytas (49:30):
  "Second dates are very fun and you're worthy of one."

• Tana Mongeau (49:45):
  "Don't lose hope. You'll find the cute black dress that fits eventually."

Key Advice:
The hosts encourage Devin to expand her dating horizons, suggesting she explore different social settings like specific neighborhoods or events where she might meet more compatible and open-minded men. They stress the importance of not internalizing negative dating experiences and maintaining optimism.

---

4. Polyamorous Relationships: Navigating Multiple Partners

Devin on Being Girlfriend Number Two (50:54 - 54:24): Devin is entangled in a polyamorous setup where her boyfriend is already committed to another woman. Feeling labeled as "girlfriend number two," she grapples with attachment issues and the fear of deepening emotional involvement.

• Tana Mongeau (52:31):
  "He told you. But if he's labeling you girlfriend number two, that's triggering."

• Trish Paytas (53:20):
  "Use it as a disguise. Someone has to be iced out. Be with someone who truly wants you."

Key Advice:
The hosts advise Devin to critically assess the nature of her polyamorous relationship, emphasizing mutual respect and equality among all partners. They suggest open communication about expectations and boundaries and caution against relationships that feel imbalanced or exploitative.

---

5. Personal Reflections on Relationships

Throughout the episode, Tana and Trish share heartfelt insights into their own relationships, particularly highlighting the strength and openness in their partnership with their respective partners.

• Trish Paytas (55:59 - 56:26):
  "He's so wonderful. He lets me be me and wear whatever I want. He's the yin to my yang."

• Tana Mongeau (56:48 - 59:26):
  "Don't settle. There are 7 billion people on this planet. You will find someone who matches what you want."

Key Insights:
The hosts emphasize the value of mutual acceptance, communication, and maintaining individual identities within relationships. They advocate for not compromising on core values and the importance of finding partners who complement rather than mirror one's own personality.

---

6. Conclusion and Future Directions

As the episode wraps up, Tana and Trish express their gratitude towards their listeners and discuss plans for a holiday break. They enthusiastically promote their Patreon page for more in-depth discussions and offer to address a wider range of topics beyond love and dating, including niche personal issues.

• Tana Mongeau (60:03 - 60:28):
  "We have been through so much and we're here to talk to you about anything you need."

• Trish Paytas (60:28 - 61:16):
  "We love you guys so much. If you have any questions, call us on Patreon.com/notloveline."

Final Thoughts:
The episode concludes on a positive and supportive note, reinforcing the hosts' commitment to their audience's well-being. They encourage listeners to seek help, stay hopeful in their relationships, and engage with their content for continued support and advice.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Trish Paytas (12:10):
  "Happy it happened. Don't smile because it's over, smile because it happened."

• Tana Mongeau (33:10):
  "Don't feel guilty about something that happened to you. You're not broken."

• Trish Paytas (45:20):
  "Get a hobby. He's with you. Remember that."

---

Overall Summary:

Episode 4 of Not Loveline showcases Tana Mongeau and Trish Paytas' unfiltered approach to relationship counseling. Through a series of listener calls, they address issues ranging from infidelity and polyamory to personal traumas and distrust in romantic partners. The hosts blend humor with heartfelt advice, drawing from their own relationship experiences to guide listeners. Emphasizing self-awareness, healthy communication, and the importance of setting boundaries, Tana and Trish offer a relatable and supportive space for individuals navigating the complexities of love, sex, and dating.

Transcript

[Trisha Paytas]

How do you feel when you switch to GEICO and save on your car insurance?

[Tana Mongeau]

It's like going to work on Thursday.

[Trisha Paytas]

Morning and thinking to yourself, just one.

[Tana Mongeau]

More day until Friday.

[Trisha Paytas]

But then somebody walks into the elevator.

[Tana Mongeau]

And says, happy Friday.

[Trisha Paytas]

Then you check your phone quickly and.

[Tana Mongeau]

Discover today is actually Friday. So, yes, Happy Friday.

[Trisha Paytas]

Random stranger in the elevator. Happy Friday indeed. Yep.

[Tana Mongeau]

Switching and saving with GEICO feels just like that.

[Trisha Paytas]

Get more with Geico.

[Devin]

If you know your party's extension, press or say 1.

[Tana Mongeau]

To leave a message in our company.

[Devin]

Mailbox, press or say 2.

[Trisha Paytas]

Spoiler alert.

[Tana Mongeau]

It will be full representative.

[Trisha Paytas]

Would you speak to your mother in that tone?

[Tana Mongeau]

Speak to a real human being. You shouldn't need to shout into the.

[Trisha Paytas]

Void to get your health insurance questions answered.

[Tana Mongeau]

Pacific Source Health Plans.

[Trisha Paytas]

This is a real person.

[Tana Mongeau]

How can I help you?

[Trisha Paytas]

Human service not automated phone trees. Pacific Source Health Plans. Have you ever bought someone?

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes.

[Trisha Paytas]

Should I fight this?

[Devin]

I called Girl Code and she stole my hand.

[Tana Mongeau]

This is gonna end horribly.

[Trisha Paytas]

There was so many times I'm just, like, sad, depressed, lonely. I was like, wow. I'm just, like, laying here just dripping and sad. So I love dripping and sad.

[Tana Mongeau]

I don't know if now I could ever, like, perform that song again. Hello?

[Trisha Paytas]

Hello. Ring, ring. The calls for you.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes. Oh, my God. With the sun setting right now.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, yeah, it's the time. Hi, Tana.

[Tana Mongeau]

Hi, Trisha.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, my gosh. I need. I need. I need help, girl.

[Tana Mongeau]

Me too.

[Trisha Paytas]

Well, this is not the show for you.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my God.

[Trisha Paytas]

Welcome to Not Loveline.

[Tana Mongeau]

Welcome to Not Loveline. I'm just so excited with how this is going. I can't even get over it.

[Trisha Paytas]

I have so much fun. I'm actually, like, sad. We're taking a little break from filming after this. Not, like, too long, but, like, you.

[Tana Mongeau]

Know, literally just, like, the holidays. And I'm, like, so mad. I'm like, can we move Christmas? No.

[Trisha Paytas]

Me too. I actually was so excited because we saw each other two days in a row, which we rarely do. We, like, once, and we see each other, like, next month, and I'm, like, attached and grown, and I was like, wait, but this is, like, the funnest I've ever had. And I really mean it. I love, like, anything to make this work. You know what I mean? Managers, agents, also, I'm like, I don't care.

[Tana Mongeau]

I don't need anyone. It's literally, I just need you and two microphones. You know what I mean? Like, it's. This is the best thing ever.

[Trisha Paytas]

I love it so Much.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's so funny. We were just, like, reading the comments, and people be like, this is gonna end horribly. And we're like, how? Like, literally.

[Trisha Paytas]

No, I didn't even see that. I was like, wait, what?

[Tana Mongeau]

No, it was only one comment, but here I am, like, holding on to one comment. I'm like, how dare you Give me. No.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, just. I was telling Tana before that I'm like, there's just, like, nothing, truly nothing that could do that could, like, make me hate you. Unless you like my nudes to somebody or something.

[Tana Mongeau]

I would never send your nudes to anyone. It's. Yeah, it's. Oh, my God.

[Trisha Paytas]

No, it's like.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I just want to say I'm so happy it's us. Like, I know you were gonna have a show with someone else. Even. I was gonna have a show with Jeff. And, like, you know what I mean? Like, I. Everything just, like, happens for a reason.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. Isn't that crazy? No, I thought about that, too. Like, you had multiple. Like, I remember one time I talked to you this year, I was gonna do a show with this person, and I remember just being, like, like, so sad about it because I was like. But, you know, and it was hard. It's such a hard thing, right? Because it's like our podcast cancel and gestures are so similar to. And it's like, to do one together. Would it make sense? You know, whatever. And so I love this idea that it's just so different.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's so different and so easy and fun and honest to God. Like, I just. Our fan base. Like, I just love our fans specifically, more than.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh. Listening to these calls, I'm like, these are our people.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, so real.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, everything they're saying is so real.

[Tana Mongeau]

So real. This is, like, just really. Thank you.

[Trisha Paytas]

Thank you. And it's therapeutic. I love, like, talking through this and not feeling alone. And I feel like the listeners. Listeners can feel that way, too, because it's all very normal. Love is so complicated.

[Tana Mongeau]

And this whole thing is just so girlhood to me, too. Like, it really feels like a man could never be a part of any of this. I go down to the outfits and the set and the calls and the. No.

[Trisha Paytas]

As much as I love, obviously, the original love line, I watched it. I'm like, wow, that did not hold up. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, men were giving and love and dating advice.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, thank you.

[Trisha Paytas]

I know. Like, Dr. Jokay, I guess I get it. But Adam Carolla, I was like, okay. He did the man show the same Year. And I was like, okay, you have juggie. Do you know the mantra? Do you know any of this?

[Tana Mongeau]

I don't. I don't.

[Trisha Paytas]

You probably were born after the man. But it was like this show, this really misogynistic show with Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla, and it was like, women, they're called juggies, like, jumping on the trampoline while they were, like, talking about guy stuff. And I just remember being like, well, I want to be that girl. And, like, watching it now, I'm like, this is actually the most degrading thing ever.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, ever.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. That is crazy.

[Tana Mongeau]

So even just all of that, I was the same way, though. Like, even just, like, how badly I wanted to be Hugh Hefner's girlfriend and song about it.

[Trisha Paytas]

You want to be. I literally, like, I love this man so much. Meanwhile, everyone else, like, he's the monster.

[Tana Mongeau]

He is actually awful. I can't come to find out. But it is.

[Trisha Paytas]

You know, you have, like, 57 million or something, right? Is that, like, close 60 million? I don't know.

[Tana Mongeau]

Something crazy, something it should not have.

[Trisha Paytas]

So high. I was, like, looking at that the other day, and I was like, oh, my God. Because we talked about doing a song. I was like, yeah, that'd be cute. Then I went to look at yours. I was like, there's no way I could even, like, compete with that song. That kind of.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love you, Jesus. And then I love you, Moses and chicken fingers and lipo are the most iconic things on planet Earth.

[Trisha Paytas]

My. Okay, My songwriter, Jeremy, who I've been working with for my Christmas show, he literally sent me a song. He's like, I have a song I wrote called Loveline for you guys. Like, as soon as we wrote the thing. Do you want to hear? I haven't listened to it because it's an audio note, and I know they, like, disappear, so I have to listen to it. I'm sure he won't care. He's so funny.

[Tana Mongeau]

Wait, this is. We should record, like, a little jingle for the beginning.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, he.

[Tana Mongeau]

We can't have anyone else do that. We have to do that, right?

[Trisha Paytas]

I agree with you, and I think we can. It was just so funny because, like, again, I never even said anything to him yet about it, and he's just like, wait, I love him. Yeah, he's great. He's been helping me with my. Like, he's done all. Every single album I've ever done.

[Tana Mongeau]

Stop that.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, he's cute. But we can also, like, sit down and write with him because I Know you're really big into, like, writing with him.

[Tana Mongeau]

Writing.

[Trisha Paytas]

So let me see if I can find.

[Tana Mongeau]

Stop. Wait. I'm so excited.

[Trisha Paytas]

Okay. It's only 20 seconds, and I haven't listened to it yet because I was like, I know. It disappears, so I'm sure he won't care. This is, like, very rough, too.

[Tana Mongeau]

I haven't heard it.

[Trisha Paytas]

I wrote your song called Love Line. Okay. For us. He's the press. Okay.

[Tana Mongeau]

So fun. Let's see. I love him and I love that melody. Times that you want to live Wait, Trisha get you on a love line like that times girl, Are you kidding me?

[Trisha Paytas]

That's a bop, right? We need a little jingle for even this.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's so cute. And then we could release it and get in our back. We need to talk to you guys. We could go for hours.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. But then I got intimidated when I saw, like, 60 million views or something. I was like, damn, I remember you do telling me that you, like, they went, like, gold or platinum or whatever the biggest one is. And I was like, geez, I don't.

[Tana Mongeau]

Know why people like Hefner so much. I'll never know. I wish.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's a bop. I was watching you perform the songs. I really love it.

[Tana Mongeau]

So funny. It's. I don't know if now I could ever, like, perform that song again.

[Trisha Paytas]

Wait, why?

[Tana Mongeau]

I was just such a different person. Like, it was just. I don't know. And it was like a diss track. Like, I thought I was so edgy. Then I wear my camo pants, and.

[Trisha Paytas]

You should bring it back.

[Tana Mongeau]

And you're the person who could get me to.

[Trisha Paytas]

Okay, we absolutely need to do that. Get you on stage. Because it's kind of camp, too, right? That it's like. Because I get it. It's like, I love you, Jesus. Where it's like, it was supposed to be like, you know, it's like people find it funny, and it's like camp. It's, like, not a good so. But, like, people like it, and it's like, okay, so you perform it for the people. Get your camel pants. Get like, a tube top, you know.

[Tana Mongeau]

And just take it back to that time. If anyone could get me to do it, it's you. You are healing my inner everything. Like, even just that, I was like. I remember there was a point where I was like, I will never record a song again. And I'm like, wait, let's literally do it.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, we have to, like, sit down and, like, write it. Because, like, we literally ran time. Like, we Talked about, like, literally no one has any days because, like, holidays and all that stuff like that.

[Tana Mongeau]

So we're going to make a Christmas song, and I really want to.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, I don't know if that's.

[Tana Mongeau]

Maybe next year.

[Trisha Paytas]

I was like, I really wanted to, and I just, like, I don't know if we have the days to, like, coordinate it.

[Tana Mongeau]

We're busy. We're booked and busy.

[Trisha Paytas]

What would your Christmas song be? What would our Christmas song be?

[Tana Mongeau]

It would have to be, like, slick. I feel like.

[Trisha Paytas]

Ooh. Like, okay. Like missile toe hose.

[Tana Mongeau]

Mistletoes. Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Ooh. We were, like, on the same page with that.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

I love that we went there. Like mistle hoes.

[Tana Mongeau]

Absolutely. Like slay, but like sleigh. Like in the one horse open sleigh.

[Trisha Paytas]

Ooh. That's a good one too. You had to go into. Was it. Oh, we can't say it on here, but the country Christmas. You can believe it. That was good, too. Was that one of yours or did I just make that up?

[Tana Mongeau]

No, I think we were talking about that.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's a good one too.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Listen, nothing is off the table for us. Not only is this show going to succeed for the next 25 years.

[Trisha Paytas]

Wow, that's a big one to put out there. We were worried about a year. You're like, I don't know. But year.

[Tana Mongeau]

25 is so funny. I'm imagining us 80 on this set, though, and it's really sweet to me.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, I would love. That would be so fun. I would love that at 80 years old, just like, still here talking.

[Tana Mongeau]

And hopefully Moses and Makoa are just not sick of us and they love us.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, they're still here, guys.

[Tana Mongeau]

Please stay. Should we see what the people have to say?

[Trisha Paytas]

I'm so excited.

[Tana Mongeau]

Me too.

[Trisha Paytas]

The sun is setting.

[Tana Mongeau]

It was beautiful.

[Trisha Paytas]

It was beautiful.

[Tana Mongeau]

This is just like, it's our final.

[Trisha Paytas]

Hurrah before the holidays.

[Tana Mongeau]

So maybe we'll squeeze one in. Cuz, like, seriously, I love this.

[Trisha Paytas]

Honestly, squeeze away.

[Tana Mongeau]

I know. I love you. I love you too.

[Trisha Paytas]

First question. Roll it.

[Tana Mongeau]

You're literally the love of my life. I love you.

[Devin]

Okay, so my question for you girls, first of all. Love you, Trish. Love you, Dana. Please get me a ticket to the New York City show. But my question is for you guys is how do you know when your slip era is over or it's turning over a new leaf? Because I'm trying to figure out if my sleep era is over, if I'm just over it, if I've grown out of it. Have you ever been in one? I just want to know the teeth. Please spill. Thanks, girls. X.O.X.O. bug.

[Trisha Paytas]

Bug.

[Tana Mongeau]

Hug. Hugs. She probably said hugs. I heard. Of course I did. Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

I heard Bug. I thought that was her name. I was like, love a bug.

[Tana Mongeau]

Bug is a cute name.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's cute. Bug hall from Little Rascals. He played Alfalfa. Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

If your era is over, I love how.

[Trisha Paytas]

Have you ever had a. Yeah, honestly.

[Tana Mongeau]

Thanks for thinking of at least me so highly. Like, Jesus.

[Trisha Paytas]

I know, like, not to stereotype us, but I really feel like I literally had it. Like, our video titles alone was like, I banked a whole baseball team.

[Tana Mongeau]

Literally.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, you know, so I think home run.

[Tana Mongeau]

I know. I.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, I love the word like, but I know it's, like, derogatory, but I like it.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, but I like it. We're taking it back. We're reclaiming it.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

I think. I'm gonna be so honest. I think if you're asking how you know when your era is over, it may be coming to a close.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's because, like, I feel like when I was in my, like, era, like, there wasn't a part of me that was. Could even think, like. Like, I thought it was never going to end. I was having so much fun.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, right. Like, me. This is my lifestyle. Yeah. If you think it's like, is it coming to an end? It's. And it's scary when it comes to an end because you're like, but this is my whole personality.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, what?

[Trisha Paytas]

Like. Yeah, it's actually. So do you think you're out of your era now on?

[Tana Mongeau]

I mean, I am definitely one man, you know, but I love that. Yeah. I'm, you know, his little. Stop it. This is not Patreon Tana Marie. But, yeah, like, I. I just, like, I got to a point where I felt like there was no more. Really. I mean, there. There could be, but no more, like, unique experiences to have. Like, the streets are fun until they're not. Right. I don't know. Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. I think there is something to be said about that. I think at some point you're just like, okay, I'm kind of tired of it, too.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Because it is just, like, exhausting. You want real connection. You want to, like, you know, like. And I'm happy that I had fun. I had so many, like, fun memories and being a single girl, that, like. Like, power you can have and the things that you can do because you're single, it's all, like, so fun and awesome. But so is Being madly in love, you know?

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. It also just gives you like a freeze up time for you to do more things. Because in my hair, all in my 20s, I really just like, I wasn't doing anything else but banging, you know what I mean? And I was like, I was so focused on what I'm gonna do that night and who I'm gonna go to and stuff. And now it's like, thank God I'm out of my. Because I have so much time. I can do like five podcasts now because literally I don't need, you know, I know where my coming from. So I think we're on Patreon still too. I'm like, oh my God, who am I right now?

[Tana Mongeau]

Craziest Patreon, right? No, but yeah, I agree. And like this, it can. There are negatives to era, Right. Like, I think we glamorize it now because we are so like far from that.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yes.

[Tana Mongeau]

That it's like looking back on it with rose colored glasses, you know, but it's like looking for validation and feeling lonely and just all of those things and the way people can treat you, which is awful. Society's awful in that sense, you know, because like men can have a hair and no one blinks twice, you know, but it's. I think once you start to think about it, you might understand it's coming to a close and you might mourn it for a while, but it's good.

[Trisha Paytas]

You won't get gonorrhea Clementine anymore, that's for sure. I think there are so many. Yeah. Looking back, it's like romanticizing is fun, like thinking about stuff. But there was so many times where I'm just like sad, depressed, lonely. I was like, wow, I'm just like laying here just dripping and sad. So dripping and sad.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's if I come back to music. That's my next album title.

[Trisha Paytas]

Very Ilana Del Rey. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, if you're thinking it, it's probably over and that's thankful for it. Be glad it happened.

[Tana Mongeau]

Happy it happened. Don't smile because it's. Oh. Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

[Trisha Paytas]

I love that. Where's that from?

[Tana Mongeau]

I have Cracker Barrel. You literally. I was literally gonna say that.

[Trisha Paytas]

Is there one close to you?

[Tana Mongeau]

No, but I would love to go with you anytime.

[Trisha Paytas]

I went with Holly Madison one time actually. We didn't even vlog it.

[Tana Mongeau]

I would love to go. You mean Holly.

[Trisha Paytas]

Okay, let's do it. By the way, quick pause. Go to Patreon. Dot com, not Loveline. If you want to see this times 20. If you want to see us really talk about our eras, go to Patreon.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's the things I've admitted on this Patreon I don't know if I've ever said out loud.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, my. I know everybody, Nook and cranny, every crevice. I know everything and I love it.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love it.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, it just makes me, like, love you so much more.

[Tana Mongeau]

I agree. I couldn't agree more. I felt closer than ever. Literally, our page, the Patreon is bringing us closer than ever. Yes.

[Trisha Paytas]

I've learned so much. If you like booty stuff where you have a whole little booty segment, we'll have like a whole little encyclopedia for you there.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, I'm not kidding. I feel like I'm learning so much. I feel like Trisha and I are both going home to our men and, like, thinking about doing just different.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. Rip it open.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes. All of it. Not kidding.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's like Patreon again. No, Patreon, not Love Line, not Loveline. You look like a doctor today.

[Tana Mongeau]

I feel like my what? Dr. Drew. I feel. Why am I forgetting his name right now?

[Trisha Paytas]

Dr. Drew. There's also Dr. Mike, but that's not the Dr. Wheeler.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. I felt like these glasses were very like, Let me give you advice.

[Trisha Paytas]

I wear glasses. I'm like, let me also match the energy.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Even though I just literally a dumb and like five dollar Amazon glasses.

[Trisha Paytas]

So it's just Amazon.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

So good. I can't get over it. I love this whole look on you right now.

[Tana Mongeau]

You're cute. I love you.

[Devin]

Okay, should I fight this? I called girl code and she stole my man. And I'm just wondering if I should fight.

[Trisha Paytas]

Please let me know.

[Devin]

I love you.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love you.

[Trisha Paytas]

Thank you.

[Tana Mongeau]

She's saying, should I fight this? I called girl code. And then she's. She my man. Like, she's saying, like, she turned home. Girl was like, hey, I like this guy. Girl code. Oh. And then she. Him. Should I punch her? I think.

[Trisha Paytas]

Wait. Play it one more time. That was it. Oh, wow. You have such good ears.

[Tana Mongeau]

I don't. I just. I feel like the crazier the sound, the more I like.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. It's like a siren language. Like, I know this lady. Got it. I mean, have you ever fought someone?

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes, but very, very long time ago. I retired all of that. I think the second I started getting fillers and nose jobs and veneers, I was like, I can't afford to break this Too expensive.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I don't recommend it. You know, it's. It's. Things can be handled okay.

[Trisha Paytas]

A lot of trouble for it, too. It's like, what? Then you go to, like, jail.

[Tana Mongeau]

You definitely should drop that. Like, you should not keep being friends with her. It's just like, that's the worst. There's so many men in the world she did not have to. The guy that you like. Right?

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, that's. But you're very forgiving of this. Not that I was gonna say you of all people. I think you're very much, like, true. Even if it's just, like. Because you're like, if it's not a serious boyfriend, you kind of. You said you don't care. Really? You're like, yeah, you care, but you don't care that much.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. In the. In the very beginning when you first find out, I care. But over time, I have definite. Definitely forgiven some people for things like this. Because sometimes I feel like men can be manipulative. The girl can be ill informed. Right. Like, she can think you don't care about him like that. Even if you said something in a flippant manner. Right. And, like, sometimes a friendship with a girl is stronger than some gremlin garden gnome of a man. Right. But if you love him or, like, he was the one and you're really hurt. It is a personal thing.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. I guess it sounds like she just called, like, dibs and this girl did it and it's kind of like, okay, that does suck. You know, I like this person and she just did it.

[Tana Mongeau]

I've definitely moved past situations like that a lot of the time. But I also have definitely, like, fought as an. Ended our friendship completely over things like that. I think it's very circumstantial.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. I think, like, yeah, don't fight her. I think it's the general consensus, but just, you know.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, you know, evaluate if she should be in your life.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. I think every time it's ever happened to me, though, regardless of if I ended up forgiving them down the line, I will call someone out for it.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, you know, you're like, hey.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. That was like. Well, yeah, like, hey, what the. That. What's up? And I do think you can move past it, but if you harbor that feeling inside of you and you never say anything.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Scary.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. Yeah. You gotta let it out somehow or just have no friends like me, then you never have to worry about my friend.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I love you. I love changing Trisha's whole outlook on Girl friendship. I was thinking about that yesterday. I, like, it's my life goal to let you know that you always have me, and I'll fight for you.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, I do feel that you've always been.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I mean it. And I think across this, we're just gonna get closer and closer, and I want you to really be like, wow.

[Trisha Paytas]

I believe it. Because even before we were, like, super close, you've always. You always had my back. You've always been, like, very supportive and very, like.

[Tana Mongeau]

And not even just Internet, just like, on some real deserve. Because girl friendship is so important. But girls suck.

[Trisha Paytas]

I know they do. I really tried a couple times. It just didn't work out.

[Tana Mongeau]

And you end up getting burned. And you're like, it's the same thing. It's like you don't want to do that. But, like, God damn it.

[Trisha Paytas]

Girl friendships are so scary because it's there. It's worse than guys. Guys will be, like, fake or whatever, but girls, it's like this whole other person comes out. You're just like, oh, my God. Like, I was so wrong with my last girl friendship. I was like, so wholesome, sweet. We're like, mommy friends. And then the, like, actual, like, as you would say, diabolical stuff that came out. It's just like, oh, my God. Like, even I'm like, I'm, like, mentally certifiably unwell. I've been to mental hospitals, and I haven't even done it. I was like, oh, my God, I'm so scared. I thought I knew this person.

[Tana Mongeau]

You and me are the same in the sense where it's like when someone really does some crazy. Like, I'm crazy.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

So I know when something is like.

[Trisha Paytas]

That'S what I'm saying. And this is like, spiral. And I'm just like, I. This is never. Never women again. Never women again. So I've been like that.

[Tana Mongeau]

But I'm turning that around if my life depends on it. Like, you deserve it. And not all women suck, even though some do.

[Trisha Paytas]

No, you've always been. Like I said, when you. When you don't owe it to me, you're still, like, always been cool and.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, I love Trisha and could never like it. Just some of the. You have been through with girls. Blows Mind mine.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's crazy, I think. Yeah. And I really try to be like a girls girl, but I'm like.

[Tana Mongeau]

Because girls are just so much more emotional and catty and do things that they cut you in ways men could never even think. That's what I'M saying of cutting you.

[Trisha Paytas]

Right there's so much smarter, you know.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like a man's gonna lie and cheat and whatever, but like a girl, flip that knife in and twist and it is. I agree. But.

[Trisha Paytas]

And scary.

[Tana Mongeau]

There are good ones.

[Trisha Paytas]

I trust you.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm serious. You have a sister in me. But I think time, I. That's what it takes. It takes lots of time. And yeah. Friends showing you. Same with a Moses or Makoa. It's like they have to be there in the bad moments to know.

[Trisha Paytas]

Right? Exactly. Yeah, yeah. But we've been there. Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love you.

[Trisha Paytas]

I love you. We will not be fighting. So don't fight.

[Tana Mongeau]

I could never. I would just lay down and be like, hit me. Like, I love you too much.

[Devin]

So when a guy says that they don't want a relationship or anything serious, but they still want to have and treat you like their girlfriend, does that basically mean that they're just waiting for someone better to come along? So when they cut it off with you, they, like, you can't be mad technically, because I weren't dating or what does that really mean?

[Trisha Paytas]

Kind of. Yes, what it means. Right. They're just waiting because if they wanted you to be the girlfriend, the wife, they're going to make you that. But.

[Tana Mongeau]

And that, that is why guys do that. I agree with that. Like, they. They tell you that, you know, they don't want anything so that they can whatever. But it's a girl. I've said it since the dawn of time. These men want to play house, but they don't have a home. Right. And it's like, Arian, again, I say this, I feel like I've been saying this in every episode, but it's like, men are so diabolical in that sense.

[Trisha Paytas]

Diabolical is my favorite word.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's. I love it. It's so good. It's just like.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, like just me.

[Tana Mongeau]

Then just say you just want to. Like, it's like when you start doing all the cuddles and the hanging out and the. It's like men want the perks of a girlfriend, but then to still be awful. And like. Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

I mean, I kind of get it in a little bit of a sense where it's like, they know you're not the one, but they like you and they're enjoying the time with you and they're like, they are kind of biting their time until, like their one comes along. I've been like that in relationships and not like full on relationships. I definitely, like, dated longer than I should. Have. Because I'm like, oh, this is, like, comfortable. And, like, it's cute. But I knew I wasn't gonna be with that person, so. Me too. It's hard to be upfront, too. I don't think either. Neither of us were ever upfront about it. I've done it a couple times, and I'm always like, I don't know where's. What are we doing?

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, I 100% agree. And it's like. Or he could just be super emotionally unavailable. In general, it may. It's not like, you're not good enough. And he's waiting for something, like, better. He could just. In general, like, really just want to be a man. Right. You know, like.

[Trisha Paytas]

But that loves to cuddle. I love a man who loves to cuddle. That's so nice.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's true.

[Trisha Paytas]

You know, Gives a little bit of some endorphins out of it, you know?

[Tana Mongeau]

Right. And then it's like, get the out. Right.

[Trisha Paytas]

But does she seem like she wants more? It depends. If you want more than you got to cut it out so you don't get hurt anymore.

[Tana Mongeau]

Exactly. That's the thing, is you never want to be in the. I can fix him. And I feel like I just really learned with men, too. I think with women, we really think about, like, time. Do you know what I mean? Like, oh, I've spent eight months, like, waiting around and taking care of this guy. Like, he's gonna wake up on month 12 and see how much time and work I've put in.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, they don't. They don't.

[Tana Mongeau]

That it's not the same thing to them. Like, the time put in.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, they don't care.

[Tana Mongeau]

And. Yeah. And you should 100% get out before you're gonna get hurt. If you think you're gonna get hurt because they're are people out there.

[Trisha Paytas]

Time is the most valuable thing. I, like, read that the other day to some point. Some Instagram posts where it's like, you know, you pay everything in time. Like, that's your most valuable thing. Like, money is whatever comes and goes. But, like, your time is so important. You just don't know how much time you have on this earth. You don't want to waste it doing something that's just, like, comfortable. Especially when you want. Especially when, like, love is a priority. Like, love was always a priority. Like, I always want to get married and have kids, and that's a priority. You just don't want to waste your time. And I wasted so much time in my 20s, and guys specifically Wasted my time because I would have guys that weren't honest with me. But I am going to marry. I'm going to have kids with you. And then, like, had no intention of it. So at least, like, you're aware of it. And so you can either decide, I want to be in this comfortable thing for now and I'll keep looking, or he's out.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's so valid. Like, honestly, like, the bar is in hell, but, like, at least he is telling you who he is and what he wants. Because a lot of man, man, men will just, like, straight up lie. But I think that if you feel like you're gonna get hurt, it's. It's hard to cut it off while it's comfortable. Like, you always wait till something bad happens or whatever. But get out while you can and.

[Trisha Paytas]

Just don't do too much. Like you said, people want, like, the girlfriend experience at the home without house. Don't do too much. Don't be like, cooking all his meals and doing his laundry.

[Tana Mongeau]

You know, being loyal to him. Like, dad, if he doesn't want a girlfriend, then what the do you? I don't know.

[Trisha Paytas]

Keep your options open too.

[Tana Mongeau]

For sure.

[Trisha Paytas]

I wish I would have done that more. Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Because it's like, as women, we almost naturally fall into the thing where it's like, okay, well, he doesn't want to date, but we keep hooking up, so I'm going to be loyal. And then it's like, you could be missing out. Like, people always say, don't let your boyfriend stop you from your husband, but don't let your not boyfriend stop you from your boyfriend. Girl, you know, don't let your your stop you from your.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's so true. And I know he punching Brianna before, I think she, like, went through it. It was the same thing. She said she had her celebrity crush in her DMS while she was dating was Zach. And she's like. She said no because she was so loyal to him. Meanwhile, he was, like, cheating on her so much and just like, girls are like that, but.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my God. Yeah. I feel like I had a lot of times like that in my life where I was, like, holding out for this guy and then there was, like, better options in front of my face.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. And if you, like, waited and I'm.

[Tana Mongeau]

Serious, like, take their words for face value. Take their actions for face value.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, it's, you know, he's. He's showing you what he is and what he wants.

[Trisha Paytas]

Believe him.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Keep your options open and don't get.

[Trisha Paytas]

Hurt we love you, but enjoy the cuddles. Yeah, we love a cuddle. Cuddles. Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my God.

[Trisha Paytas]

Big spoon or little spoon?

[Tana Mongeau]

I like being little spoon. I hate the jet pack where I'm, like, on their back, like, what the. And you're a man.

[Trisha Paytas]

My belly is, like, always sticking out, so I can't even, like, feel.

[Tana Mongeau]

I feel the same way. It's like, what a cold. Like, asking that sometimes. And I'll do it, but I'm like.

[Trisha Paytas]

I hate this koala.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. My head's, like, in his curly hair. I'm like, the face.

[Trisha Paytas]

That is a good point. Like, you just can't breathe.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Like, he has so much hair, you literally can't breathe.

[Devin]

Hi, Trish. Hi, Tana. My name is Haley, and my question is. Okay, so I slept with my boyfriend's dad and him, like, two hours apart. But as it is, his dad is sort of hinting that he wants, like, a relationship with me. But I've been with my boyfriend for three years. But his dad, like, really, like, laid it down. But his dad's a lot older, and I'm. I'm. I'm young. I'm of age, but I'm young. And my thing is that the dad has a lot of money. So my question is, who do I pay?

[Trisha Paytas]

Girl, neither. That's weird. No judgment, but what? Holy Game of Thrones or something.

[Tana Mongeau]

Holy.

[Trisha Paytas]

I mean, right? That's, like, a little much. I mean, I don't judge anyone, but this one, I'm kind of like, what?

[Tana Mongeau]

Like.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, I don't think you should be with any of that.

[Tana Mongeau]

The boyfriend. No. Or did you just cheat on your boyfriend with his dad? Diva down.

[Trisha Paytas]

Diva down.

[Tana Mongeau]

Diva down. Oh, my. Oh, my God. It's one thing if he's a boyfriend. Okay? Like, if he was a really bad boyfriend and you cheated on him with his dad, I would be like, women in stem, right? Like, slay queen, get that back. And, you know. Yeah. But if he's a good guy. Listen, I've made some. I've made some grave mistakes in my life, and I understand. Like, I've definitely done things that I wish I didn't. But it also doesn't really sound like she regrets it.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, she's like, maybe I go with him.

[Tana Mongeau]

She.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, they both have money, but I think the dad has more money because he's. The son will get the inheritance.

[Tana Mongeau]

But, like, what? I. I. The dad. That's so mean to his son like that. Oh, my God. And, like, girl, what about Thanksgiving?

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, think about Thanksgiving and Then you're.

[Tana Mongeau]

Gonna make your boyfriend of three years call you step mommy.

[Trisha Paytas]

That is cool. That's mean. At the end of the day, like, if it's your kink, it's your kink. But, like, don't do it to your boyfriend. Do it to, like, some randoms. You know what I mean? Like, oh, that's your dad. Okay. You know, but like, not your boyfriend. I'm serious.

[Tana Mongeau]

One sentence of you saying the boyfriend would change my entire demeanor.

[Trisha Paytas]

Really?

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, if she said my boyfriend was like, you know what I mean?

[Trisha Paytas]

I see.

[Tana Mongeau]

So then I Revenge. Yeah. Then I hooked up. Like, it would change everything. But Jesus, Ms. Keep It all in the family. I'm like, okay, Brady Bunch. You know what?

[Trisha Paytas]

I don't judge. I love your honesty. I love your honesty. Maybe other people are going through this situation as well. But I do think if you have to ask, like, which one? I think neither. Because I think you just want to do that. If you wanted to be with the boyfriend and the dad, there's just no hope at this point. Even if that's your soulmate, you just can't. Because like you said, think about Thanksgiving. Think about Christmas. Like, yes.

[Tana Mongeau]

And like, I guess you could, but Jesus and oh, my God, Like, I just want to know how this happened. Was she in the kitchen getting a glass of water and the dad was like, hey, bigger. Like, what happened?

[Trisha Paytas]

I don't know. That's wild. I never been around, like, a lot of males, so I don't know how this works, but it's sounds. It sounds a little, like, perverted on the dad's part too. I'm not gonna even put on the girl. Like, I'm also like, I agree. That's your son's girlfriend. Like, what's wrong with you, sir? You're 50.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, yeah, that's so true.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, that's so awesome's wrong with him.

[Tana Mongeau]

And to do to your own son. That's just.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, he sounds like a bad person. So.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. So, you know, I think you tell your boyfriend if he wants to stay with you and forgives you. Like, you. Maybe you guys could move far away.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. Yeah. Someone has to be iced out. Someone has to be isolated out. So.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, that gave me. I'm so stressed. Good luck.

[Trisha Paytas]

I guess I would say go with either.

[Tana Mongeau]

I don't know. Oh, my God. Repent, girl, you got to get to the church and you gotta tell the. You gotta tell the priest forgiveness.

[Trisha Paytas]

How can a priest get Grant you forgiveness? Do you ever think about that? I mean, I like the Idea of it. But I'm also like, who gave you that authority?

[Tana Mongeau]

And priests are, like, crooked a lot of the time.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, some of them, for sure.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. I shouldn't say all priests.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

That is so true.

[Trisha Paytas]

We get so religious on here all of a sudden, but I always wondered that. I was like, you're forgiven. I was like, okay, thanks.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, in reality, I'm just talking to this guy through, like, a wooden door. I've never done it. No.

[Trisha Paytas]

I'm like, wow, team. I don't do it. I grew up Catholic. I don't do it.

[Tana Mongeau]

Really? What would you say?

[Trisha Paytas]

I never really confessed anything. I'm sorry, Father. I've lied. He's like, oh, you're forgiven. He literally says, like, say 10 Hail Marys and you're forgiven. And it, like, sounds good, I guess. Like, some people need. I'm not trying to dog on either, because, like, some. Like, that makes them feel better and they feel healed. But. Yeah, I think you just pray to God if you.

[Tana Mongeau]

I needed more than that to, like, feel healed for sure.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. Have you ever been baptized? I don't know. Religious, Like a full cleansing.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, I haven't, honestly. Sometimes I go underwater in my baths, but that's it.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's kind of baptism. You can do anything with water especially. I'm surprised he's not, like, it doesn't have to be religious. Anyways, I don't know why I'm going into this. We just got a dad daughter question or a son dad question. I was like, oh, my God. Oh, you said repent.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Get some holy water.

[Tana Mongeau]

She might have to repent. That's crazy.

[Trisha Paytas]

But I can cleanse you.

[Tana Mongeau]

I will say, I love the crazy girls. I've been a crazy girl and still. Thank you for your submission. Keep the crazy ones coming.

[Trisha Paytas]

In theory. It sounds hot, so I'm not judging you. Maybe I'm just jealous.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, that's true. The dad can be like. Imagine. The dad is, like, so.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, for sure. Like Bon Jovi. Like, his son married Millie by Brown. But if I was her, I'd be like, that dad looking good. You know what I mean? So maybe it's Bon Jovi. Maybe he's married. I don't know.

[Tana Mongeau]

I know that's just Millie Bobby Brown calling us.

[Trisha Paytas]

Disclaimer. It's not just. We should put that out there.

[Tana Mongeau]

They knew it wasn't Bam. That was.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's crazy. She's a fan.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, no. That was not Millie Bobby Brown. Next question.

[Devin]

Hey, this is Mackenzie. I love you both so much. Trish I've been watching you since 2013 and Tana since 2017. Here's my question. I've been with my boyfriend for five years, and one of the biggest obstacles in our relationship has been our life because of my trauma around sex in the past, which has actually led to a diagnosis of CPTSD for me. So I really struggle to feel or initiate S X. So I'm wondering if either of you have any advice for how to initiate S X on how to handle different sex tribes in a relationship, and also just how to not feel guilty about not wanting to have all the time, and also the guilt of feeling like I'm not normal or I'm not meeting the norm for a relationship. Thank you so much. I love you both. Bye.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love you so much.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, that's.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's so sad.

[Trisha Paytas]

And it's. It's actually so relatable, too. Like, that trauma can, like, make you not want to have sex and you think there's something wrong with you.

[Tana Mongeau]

I know. And it's like, I really. I know this is, like, so generic to say, but, like, just, there's nothing wrong with you. And she's saying, like, to feel normal. You are normal.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, that is a completely normal and valid reaction. And I'm. I'm assuming, like, she didn't say anything about her boyfriend being any type of way. So it's. I'm hoping you're. You were just with someone who accepts you and wants to help you heal and work through that. And everyone's healing looks different, everyone's journey, and don't feel a pressure to, you know, do something that you don't want to do or be something that you're not or, you know, it's.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, I agree with that for sure. And I think it is more normal. I think the more you think, like, it's not normal, something's wrong with me, like, spiral more. I. The. The thing that I can, like, relate to with this is, like, I have, like, a trauma response where I, like, never really talked about this, but I would have, like, if someone would, like, leave to go, like, to the bathroom or go downstairs for a snack or if they just, like, left in the middle of night. Right. Not, like, necessarily out the door, but just to go get something. I would have, like, a medical seizure sometimes. And it was, like, so, like, scary. And I just, like, I couldn't figure out, like, why this was happening. And obviously the people I was with, it was, like a hookup or whatever, they'd be scared and, like, leave it would, like, make it worse. Like, they'd, like, leave me there, and they were, like, very, like, mild. But I think with that, I was like. I went to, like. I went to, like, a medical doctor. Right. And then they, like, referred me to, like, this, like, therapy. And not to say you need therapy, but if it is, like, a trauma, if you have ptsd, which she said she did, right? Ptsd, like, working through the trauma, it may take a while, but your body will start, like, reacting differently when you can, like, you know. And another, like, physical comparison is, like, when I started going through therapy, like, I stopped getting, like, acne, which is, like, so weird. Like, I was able to, like, work through so much stuff that, like, it wasn't coming out of my skin anymore, you know? So I don't know. Just very different reasons. But your body's obviously having this reaction where you, like, are not getting something's, like, internally off. And I think if you can, like, heal your mental. Whatever triggered that, I think it, over time, your body will, like, release and relax.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's actually, like, such amazing advice.

[Trisha Paytas]

And I'm not a doctor, but that did help for me.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. And from your experiences, that's. That is so true. Some things, we hold some traumas, like, so physically inside to the point that we don't even, like. It's harder to assess in our brain because it's just this physical reaction. And we just assume, like, I'm stuck like this, and you're not stuck. You're not broken, and you're so right. Like, I. I almost feel like just trying to force yourself to do something that doesn't feel right will only worsen that. And to actually get to the root of that is really good.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's like an internal thing. And you obviously are aware that you have, like, PTSD and all these things, so. And the person you're with. Yeah, they'll, like, most of the time, they'll understand. You know, like, even when I've, like, hooked up with people casually, like, they kind of understood there was something happening and sounds like her boyfriend is there. So. Yeah, there's definitely nothing wrong with you. And it could take weeks, years. You know, you may never feel it again, but it's, like, it's fine. And there's so many ways to work around not having relationships. I think that's, like, another big thing is, like, sometimes you physically can't. Like, it can hurt people and stuff. And there's so many, like, workarounds, so.

[Tana Mongeau]

100%.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. Don't feel like you have to get. And you have to have sex to have a relationship.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. At all. And like, you can completely just figure out what works for you and the right person will. And it sounds like you're with that person. And just take your time and give yourself a lot of grace. Like, remember, at the end of the day, this isn't something that you're causing. This is something that happened to you and how you're reacting and you are not broken. And I just. I love you. And seriously, that was great advice, Trisha.

[Trisha Paytas]

Thanks. Work on healing. It takes time.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's never an easy journey.

[Devin]

Hi guys. My name is Jaden. I'm 18. I love your guys podcast, by the way. I'm like a long term fan, but I wanted to ask for advice on something. So I have bpd and. And a couple months ago, I found out that my boyfriend had had a porn addiction. And within our boundaries of our relationship, we discussed that. Neither of us thought that was okay in our relationship, but I found that. And now all I can think about when I go to sleep at night is like, what I saw on his phone. So I'd like some tips on how to kind of get over that and how to stop comparing myself to every girl. I feel like, yeah, thank you. I love you guys so much.

[Tana Mongeau]

We love you.

[Trisha Paytas]

Shout out. Borderlines.

[Tana Mongeau]

Seriously, like, that is just so hard. And especially with like a boundary is crossed like that.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's like, oh, that's when it gets triggered. I feel that's when you're like mental illness gets triggered. Especially with borderlines. It's like a boundary. You set it so hard to set boundaries. Then it gets crossed. Triggered.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes. So triggered. And like, that's just. It makes me sad that, and this is so common where the boyfriend has the addiction and then you're comparing yourself to those people. Just some really blanket advice like that I immediately want to just like say to her is like, everything online is fake and all that stuff he's watching is fake. And whether he like knows that or not, girl, like, do not. Like, you are a real person and he is really with you. And like that idea of those women, like, don't compare yourself to that because it's like, you know what I mean? Like, that's. It's an unreachable goal to try to think like, I'm gonna be just like these stars when all of that is like contrived and fake.

[Trisha Paytas]

Right.

[Tana Mongeau]

That just makes me sad. I mean, it sounds like she wants to work it out. Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

But she has the Insecurities. And I think as someone also with, like, that same issue, the borderline issue of just, like, being insecure, and then you're, like, triggered by it. And, you know, you set that boundary, and it's not. It's like sometimes. Sometimes you just. It's hard to come back from it. This is a hard one for me because I've just, again, never dated someone with, like, that addiction. So it's kind of, like, hard for me. And I understand the comparison of it all. Like you said to me, it's very easy to be like, that's fake, that's on screen. That's not real. But I understand her psych, where she's like, no, I can't stop thinking about it.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. And you're, like, looking at him every day, and all you're thinking about is looking at. Yes. And, like, that's just so hard. I think the only way to ever potentially come back from anything like that is just an insane amount of communication. And, like, if you guys can communicate through it, maybe there's another side, but that's. That's a hard one.

[Trisha Paytas]

What's your best tip for communication? Like, having a good communication.

[Tana Mongeau]

I mean, I am just the type of person where I leave everything out on the table, and I'm just like. It's easier said than done, but, like, trying to not be super emotional. Like, if I'm feeling reactive, I will walk away.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yes.

[Tana Mongeau]

And that took me so long to, like, become that person, to be like.

[Trisha Paytas]

I need a minute to cool down.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, like, exactly. Like, I learned that, like, if I'm feeling some type of way, I will say things that I don't want to say, and I have to, like, walk it off. And then, you know what I mean? And then kind of circle back and be like, okay, this is what I took from this. This is how I feel. It sounds like she's been thinking about it. It's like, write down how you feel and try to talk to him. But also, like, some men and people in general just aren't. Aren't good communicators. And that's, like, hard.

[Trisha Paytas]

I think that's the biggest issue with everyone's relationship. When it's, like, bad. Like, that seems to be the one. Like, the non communication. Because people. Someone shuts down. Whatever. I think nothing gets solved in the heat of the moment. So definitely always communicate when you're not being triggered, when you're not having, like, these thoughts of insecurities. Like, do it when you're, like, calm. But, yeah, conversations are Tough. They're tough to have. And it, again, that's a really big, like, boundary that I feel like you have to decide for yourself. Like, can I deal with this 100?

[Tana Mongeau]

Because it's like, yeah, can I deal with this? Can I stomach this? And, like, quite frankly, you do deserve someone who does not break those boundaries. And, you know, it's a very personal, like, thing. And it's just. That's so frustrating.

[Trisha Paytas]

It seems like half men have this sort of, like, addiction to those kind of things. And then there's, like, men that just don't care at all. So, like, see if you can work past it with this person, if you like him. But also, there's a ton of men that, like, I like, I've never been with someone. I've been with a lot of guys that, like, have never had this. At least that I knew of or anything. So I think there's a lot of men that don't have. Have this problem.

[Tana Mongeau]

And it's just, like, approach is also everything. Like, maybe he came to her and said, hey, I really want to spice up things I'm doing with this, and whatever. Like, the betrayal. And I think especially with bpd, that's a big thing, right?

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, oh, yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Because it, like, leads to feeling abandoned, almost emotional.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

I just love you. And you didn't deserve that. And, yeah, communicate. Try to communicate, but you really just. You didn't deserve that. Diva. And there are definitely men out there who won't. What'd you say?

[Trisha Paytas]

And don't compare. Like you said, don't compare yourself to them.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, because that's. That's. You are not some robot girl. And same with the men. Liking the Instagram photos and all of that stuff. Just know that, like, that's all a contrived fake reality, but it still doesn't make it hurt any less. And again, I just. I wish he had tried to. If he was gonna even cross this boundary, communicated it or something, just the way he did it. I don't know, girl. And there are a lot of men out there that won't do that. And we love you.

[Trisha Paytas]

We love you. Next question.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my God.

[Trisha Paytas]

Hi, Trish. Hi, Hannah.

[Devin]

I just wanted you guys to know that I am such a big fan of the two of you. I love you both so much. I'm so excited for this podcast. My question to the two of you is, have you ever become obsessed with your current boyfriend's ex girlfriend? And not in, like, a weird sexual way, but, like, more of, like, an interested way, kind of like that was a part of your boyfriend's life? I don't know. I'm struggling with that. I can't stop thinking about him and this girl. I get jealous. I have jealousy issues. It could just be like an insecurity thing. And I'm just wondering if either of you have ever dealt with that. I know it's like a little bit weird. I don't know how to explain it.

[Tana Mongeau]

Not weird at all.

[Devin]

I cannot stop, like, stalking this girl, knowing that she was a part of his life. So that's basically it. We don't have any issues. Like, me and my boyfriend, our relationship is great. You know, he doesn't bring her up. Never given me a reason to even do that, but I can't help but feel that way. Let me know. Love you both. Thank you.

[Trisha Paytas]

This is so calm. This is like the most. This is the most universally common thing, whether anybody wants to admit it. Everyone. Everyone does.

[Tana Mongeau]

That that was like looking in a mirror. Like, that's really one of those moments where I'm like, God, this is why I love our fans.

[Trisha Paytas]

Because it's like me every time.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my God, it's.

[Trisha Paytas]

Moses has never even given me a name of an ex girlfriend. And I still obsess over them. I'm like, wait, so in high school, so did you kiss? Did you guys hook up? Like, me and I still to this day, we're married with kids. I'm like, okay, but like that one, like, what was her name? Sarah. No. Nicole? No. Like, he, like, he gives me zero details and I'm obsessed over every girlfriend he's.

[Tana Mongeau]

I could not agree more. There's a term for this. It's almost like. Like hurting yourself. I don't know what the term is, but, like, you're. There's no reason to be doing it and you do it anyways. I will never forget this flight I had with McCo. We were on like a three hour flight, and I asked him about every single girlfriend he's ever had, what they look like, how long they dated for, why they broke up, everything. And by the end of the flight, I got off the plane and I was like, why the did I just do that?

[Trisha Paytas]

It is crazy.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, it is really normal. It feels like. I get it. It's crazy to think that someone. It just means you really like him and love him, right? Because it's like, it's crazy to think.

[Trisha Paytas]

I think it's just something in a girl's brain. I think this, the comparison, just a nosy curiosity comparison. Like you. You do wonder I mean, it goes in waves. Thank God. I mean, it's not like I think about it every single day, but I think not knowing has helped a lot. Like him not giving me every detail has helped a lot. I think you asking every detail.

[Tana Mongeau]

No. And it's.

[Trisha Paytas]

He told you.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. But after me being a psychopath, like, for no reason, did I have to do that? But here's what I will say. Like, just to think that the person that you loved was ever with someone else, that's sad. But you have to remember as well when you're doing that you've also been with other people.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

It is completely normal. And if you think about it this way as well, like, that girl, he gained life experience. And then the person that you met and dated and fell in love with would not be that person without those people.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's true.

[Tana Mongeau]

You know, and you have to really, like, put yourself in time out almost. If you. If you're on her Instagram for the third time that day, girl, phone down. Phone now.

[Trisha Paytas]

Definitely that you need to like. Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes. And I completely get it. Oh, my God. I will be on like a. Is not now, like, with McCoys, because I don't know, but like, oh, my God, like, back in the day, I would just be on like, my boyfriend's ex girlfriend's cousins, uncles, Instagram's wedding post with their dog, you know, like. And I'm like, how the hell did I get here?

[Trisha Paytas]

I know. It is such a cycle. You go down, but just know he's like, with you. You know what I mean? They'd be like, I have the ring, I have the baby, I have the house wherever you are. You know what I mean? Just think, he's with you at the end of the day, and he doesn't want her.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, he. He wants you. He left. Left her. Like, they're. They broke up. You know, like, they're done. He is with you.

[Trisha Paytas]

I come up with imaginary ex girlfriends for him just once. I think he had. I bet you had a girlfriend like this, didn't you? And he just says nothing. He's like, I'm not saying anything. He never tells me so.

[Tana Mongeau]

Moses is a smart man. Moses is smart.

[Trisha Paytas]

Making up people. I'm like, I hate that girl. Me.

[Tana Mongeau]

Literally. Actually, me. I, like, always imagine Makoa with, like, a surfer girl. And then I'm like.

[Trisha Paytas]

And it's like, I've never dated a surfer. Yeah. Like, it's.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm just certifiably insane. I think we all do it as women. Like, the what ifs? And we torture ourselves. And just like society, like, I open my tick tock and I see like three girls going through a breakup and you know, and the other woman's of it all. And it's always the one. He said, not sure it's, but it's. We're making this all up. We can all hold hands. We'll hold hands with you when we say this. Girl, you're crazy. You're being crazy. Yeah, we've done it too.

[Trisha Paytas]

Put the phone down. I think in general, just stop. Yeah, those are just like, you shouldn't like cloud your head with that stuff. Like it does nothing. There's no productivity. It's very normal. But it almost like you have to treat like a mental illness. Like, just like, you know, like shut it off. Recognize the triggers. Recognize when you're doing it and just shut off. Turn it to something else. Be like, I'm gonna like manifest or something instead. Because this is weird.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's not real. She is done. She's probably moved on too. With someone else. Like, it's like, yeah, I. But I completely get it. I'll find myself in her tagged photos and I'm like, it's like 2014 in the tag and I'm like, how did I get here?

[Trisha Paytas]

I know, I know. Well, it's, it's, it's completely normal.

[Tana Mongeau]

But if you notice yourself really like going down that hole a lot like.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like get a hobby.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes.

[Trisha Paytas]

Do something else.

[Tana Mongeau]

Literally that like take up pottery girl. Like, it's just.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. You have to get offline sometimes. Like, I was like, that was like reading hate comments. Like sometimes you just got to get.

[Tana Mongeau]

Offline and so real. And it's like even. Just remember as well, like, you probably have some ex boyfriends too. And you guys are equal. It's even. But you're together now and that's all that matters, you know?

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Like who. Who the I to be curious about Macoa's ex girlfriends while I'm like on Loveline talking about throuples I've been in.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's what's so crazy. I know. Same like Moses, like, does not care about anyone else and I care like the imaginary ones that don't exist. I'm like very deeply.

[Tana Mongeau]

But it's, you know, you got to just recognize it. But as two fellow semi reformed crazy girls, we see you. You are not alone. But you got this.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Get a hobby. He's with you. Remember that. Who has the ring, Honey?

[Tana Mongeau]

Knitting, all of it. There's so many things Love water polo.

[Devin]

Hi, Trisha and Tana. I just had some questions about what you think of my situation. So I've been single for over a year now, and I've been on a few dates here and there, and it's never really gone past a first date. And I just kind of feel, like, hopeless. And also, like, straight men, like, freak me out. Like, just. I don't trust a single one of them. So I'm just wondering how I get past this, like, ick of straight men. But I also am not looking for a relationship. I just want to see if I'm, like, even capable of having a relationship again. So let me know, you straight men. Thanks. Bye.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's a great name for podcast illustrate men.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes, I get that. I mean, you could be gay. I don't know if you are. That's like, you know, like, how much do you hate straight men? Right? Because, like, we say it, but then here we are, we found one, like, you know.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. But, like, the fluid ones, there's, like, fluid straight guys who are fluid men that are into women that aren't straight.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

You know what I mean? That aren't so hetero. And I love those men.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. So men are more feminine. It's always a win sounding like that's what she needs.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. I think especially if you're going out, like, first dates and they're not, like, going out with you again, like, it's obviously not. You're not the issue. Like, it's obviously them. And straight men, as we, like, have come to know on the show, it doesn't make sense. Their actions don't make sense. So, like, you can't make sense of it. And that's why I recommend not dating someone who's like 100, 100 straight. Because it's just like, I don't know, they just. It doesn't make sense. Logic's not there. Like you're saying it's like, I can't get past the first date. It's like, don't try to logic with someone who's completely hetero.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes, I agree. Like, I think it's like, I think maybe go out of your comfort zone from the guys you're matching with and going on dates with, like, on the dating app. Like, if they have a little more fun and funky photos, you know, maybe. Maybe they're a little more, like, even in Los Angeles, for example, like, this is Los Angeles is very different than other places. But, like, Silver Lake guys. Right?

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Are, like, way more feminine, usually a little hipster.

[Trisha Paytas]

She Needs her.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

And like, fedora.

[Tana Mongeau]

They paint their nails. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean?

[Trisha Paytas]

Like nail polish.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, maybe if there's a part of your town or bars that give that, maybe you're going there and you're searching for a guy who gives a little flair, a guy who's unafraid of feminine things.

[Trisha Paytas]

Go to Silver Lake.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love that.

[Trisha Paytas]

That was great advice.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, wherever the Silver Lake is of where you are, like, that's where my head goes, you know? I mean, it's hard just, I think go out of your comfort zone with the guys that you're normally matching with. And it seems a pattern.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. Because, like, to not go out on, like, a second date, like, it seems like you're going after, like, a certain type or something like that. So it's also, like, not you, because guys are just weird.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Don't lose hope. I'm serious. I think just right as you're about to lose hope, you're gonna go on this date with a guy and you guys are gonna have everything in common, and he's gonna be the anomaly to all the other guys. And, like, you just. You really can't lose hope. You almost have to look at, like, dating and looking for a boyfriend as, like, shopping for the right black dress. Shopping for. You know what I mean? Like, even if the first three don't fit, you're still gonna find that the cute black dress, you know, like, it's. It's fit.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's fun to go shopping.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, exactly. Just look at it like that. Don't get discouraged. I know I'm always saying it, but, like, if the trash takes itself out, if he doesn't ask you on a.

[Trisha Paytas]

Second date, that's your tagline.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love it because it's just. It's so fitting.

[Trisha Paytas]

I like it.

[Tana Mongeau]

If he's not asking you on a second date, you don't want to be with him anyway, period.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's so true. Yeah. And, like, second dates are very fun and you're worthy of one.

[Tana Mongeau]

And, like, every city has gay bars, girl. And every gay bar has a man who's not all the way gay. So.

[Trisha Paytas]

That is so true. I always recommend a buy. I do love a buy.

[Tana Mongeau]

So get on out there and. Yeah, look for someone who's maybe. No football. No. Buffalo wild wings. No.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, my God. No Buffalo wild wings.

[Tana Mongeau]

Just I feel like the type of guy in a Buffalo Buffalo Wild Wings, which is, like, too strange.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's like David Dobrik. Oh, yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

You know what I mean? Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

We went to Buffalo Wild Wings. But none of us were, like, straight there at that table, so.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, that's true. That's good. That is really good.

[Trisha Paytas]

So fun.

[Tana Mongeau]

Just. Yeah, no, no, sporty, you know, like, you'll. You'll find the guy who will listen to Taylor Swift with you. I promise.

[Trisha Paytas]

Shout out Taylor Swift.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Next question.

[Devin]

Hi, Trisha and Tana. So. So I have a roster. I have a rotation of three to four people, but there's one that really stands out to me and we have such great chemistry. And I told him I'm totally cool with dating casually. Here's the deal. He's polyamorous and he has a long term girlfriend of 10 months. And he says that I'm girlfriend number two, which I think I'm okay with, except that I think about him all the time and have attachment. I'm really attached to him. So what do I do? Do you think I should just call it off now before things get too intense? Or just wait it out and see what happens? Because I do really like him, but I keep going on other dates and I just keep comparing them to him. So. Yeah, polyamorous. Okay, thanks. Bye.

[Trisha Paytas]

Did we talk about polymer on Patreon or here? We just talked about this. Was it Patreon?

[Tana Mongeau]

We did just talk about polyamory. I don't think it was.

[Trisha Paytas]

No, not related to this. But I remember we were just talking about it. Like, the idea of it. I think it was on Patreon we were talking about it. And I do love the idea of it, but being called girlfriend number two and, like, it doesn't sound poly to me. Like, usually poly, everyone's like, equal.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

So him like, already labeling you girlfriend number two, like, that trigger me. I'd be like, what? Like, we're all equal in this, so.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I believe in real polyamory, but I also believe in bags who just don't want to commit.

[Trisha Paytas]

Use it as a disguise.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, and like, you've got it. This is so me though. Like, I would have a roster of four men, three of which are like viable monogamous men. And then I would want the polyamorous one. Like, and it's like, like, do you speak to the other girlfriend? Like, how is this going to work? Like, you take shifts, you take them on Tuesdays and she gets them on Fridays. Do you all ha out together and then you're like, leszing out a little?

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, I think they'll all hang out together is the key to make it polyamory. Otherwise it just sounds like you want he Just wants to date two girls, and it's not polyamory. It's like, I'm dating both of you, and.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I like what happens on Valentine's Day. Right. What the hell happens? What is the long term there? Like, I. I just.

[Trisha Paytas]

Well, she's number two, so. I mean, the way he phrases it, she's just the 13th. The girl gets the.

[Tana Mongeau]

She's the girl. Number one's gonna get the teddy bears and the roses, and you're gonna get the Hershey's bar. Diva. And that's like, maybe you're okay with.

[Trisha Paytas]

A Hershey bar, but it doesn't sound like. It sounds like you're a little.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, that's the thing is it sounds like it's like a situation that could end so painfully. I do understand the trope of going on all the other dates and comparing them to the one you want, but do you also just want him more because you can't have him? And emotionally unavailable is always the appeal.

[Trisha Paytas]

You want the ones that you can't have or that are not easy advice. Yeah. Communication. Maybe, like, meet the other girl. If it's a true poly everything. If he doesn't want you to, then it's definitely like, you're. He's keeping you separate and, like, playing you guys. But if you have a roster of three other people, like, explore that. That sounds like, like, again, be with, like, the one who wants you and doesn't call you girlfriend number two.

[Tana Mongeau]

You had girlfriend number two is a. Yeah, I would be trying to kill number one just so I defaulted into number one.

[Trisha Paytas]

If you had five girlfriends, don't call them girlfriend. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Just make you're all my girlfriends. You know what I mean?

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, that's the thing, is the way this is pitched does not give equal fun. Polyamory.

[Trisha Paytas]

No.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I still think polyamory within itself can have trials and tribulations. And this feels like he falls into the category of, like, bag.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yes, I think so too. It's from what you said, it sounds like that. I know you can't stop thinking about him, so, you know, go with your heart. Try it out. If you just find yourself getting more and more hurt and upset and you're, like, crying more than your. You're smiling, like. Then you should go to the 1, 2, or 3 of your roster.

[Tana Mongeau]

That is a really scary situation. And I think you know that diva by your voice memo. So I'm just. Be careful. That's all.

[Trisha Paytas]

Be careful, Diva.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

A polyamory behind you. We love we support polyamory if it's done right.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's just the thing is, I do think a lot of men use that as a guys, and. And that's. That's where it's really scary.

[Trisha Paytas]

So.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes. Be careful, Diva. A polyamory behind you. Next question.

[Devin]

Hi, I'm Doria. I just wanted to let you know, Trish, I love you.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love you, Trisha.

[Devin]

I hope you have a great day. I don't know if you'll ever hear this, but if you do, I just want you to know that you make my day just that much brighter. I wanted to ask, what is your key advice to you and Moses being so open and happy with each other? Love you.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, my God. Love you. Wow. That was so nice. Key advice to being open and loving with each other. You know what it took us going through, like, just a lot of, like, trials and tough times and tribulations, seeing me at my absolute worst and not just the crazy you see online, just, like, so much, like, hardships, and it really took, like, tests. And I know you shouldn't test a relationship, but I feel like we just been through so many trials and tribulations where I'm like, I would have left me 20 times over, and that's, like, not just including 20, 20, like, over the span of everything. So I really am just, like, this person loves me. There's literally nothing I can do that pushed away. And then you stop pushing them away. You're like, okay, I can just be myself. So I think it took a lot of that. And I don't know, maybe that's not the best because it's like, damn, we had to go through a lot to get here. But that's how I feel. Fully was able to be myself. I was like, okay, he. He's fine with me at my absolute worst. So now that I might feel like I'm at my absolute best in life, I feel like I keep that momentum going and. And I don't have to worry about if he likes me for me, because I already know it. You know what I mean? It's already there, my little heart.

[Tana Mongeau]

I feel like even when I watch you guys, it's the, like, my favorite thing about the two of you. And it's just how he really just lets you be. You, like, just accepts you truly for who you are and, like. Like, you know what I mean? You never have to worry about being too much or too never, you know.

[Trisha Paytas]

I always thank him. I'm always like, thank you so much for Letting me. Cuz like even like going out to things and events and stuff like that. Like I. He's, he's just so wonderful. He's just like, lets me be me and wear whatever and do whatever and. Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

There's no competition between the two of you. I feel like you see that a lot too where it's like, like he wants you to be the star of the show and yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Finding like a yin and yang almost that someone like. And I, I think that's kind of it because when people are too similar, it's almost like you see a mirror to yourself and it's like everything you hate. So when you find someone that like it balances you out is nice. Which is kind of like you guys, you and McCall are like fully yin and yang.

[Tana Mongeau]

Finding someone who balances you out is so like for some people it works to like date your twin. But every time I dated someone where I was like, you're just like me. Actual hell on earth.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yes.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, it was just like, you know what I mean? Because it was like, I can't date someone just like me.

[Trisha Paytas]

No, it's the worst. It's the worst. Makoa is like so chill. Every time I see him, he's just smiling. He's just like happy smiling. Chill just like.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I'm like cussing out a wall and he's like, go off babe. Like, you know, so cute.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's just like I can't believe how like calm his like just his presence or everything about him so calm. Which is like so crazy because you're so chaotic and fun in like the best way. And then same thing.

[Tana Mongeau]

You know what I mean? Moses will sit here with a smile on his face. I see it every single time while we are talking about the crazy. And like that's just so awesome.

[Trisha Paytas]

Moses filled in today for Devin and I was. And I wondered about it too. When we switched. I'm like, am I going to be like holding back? I was like, no. It's like stuff he's heard like 5,000 times. You know what I mean?

[Tana Mongeau]

So like I think it's almost like he. And I don't know. I don't want to speak for Moses, but I feel like Moses is very much like you and I just in the sense that it's like everything that you went through made you you when he met you. And he loves that.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yes.

[Tana Mongeau]

He wouldn't change a damn thing.

[Trisha Paytas]

It is actually amazing. Anytime I start feeling guilty or sad about something in my past has and he's like, you don't have to, like, feel. He's always just, like, it's fine. You don't feel guilty about anything. And it's, like, the best thing. And there are. There's just. There's a lot of guys like that. Like, obviously with, like, McCoat, my makeup artist, has been married for 14 years. She's my age, and she. Same thing. Her husband just, like, dotes on her and does so much for her. And it's like, there are guys like that, and I think it's, like, more common than you think. I think you hear so much about, like, the old guys, but a lot of guys just want to also, like, love you and, like, lift you up on a pedestal, which I think is also very, like, animalistic in a way. Like, you know, like, lifting the woman up. You know what I mean? Like, putting her on a pedestal because she is, you know, And I think.

[Tana Mongeau]

We'Ve been discouraged, like, so many times. Like, even just before I met McCoy, I was very discouraged. Like, do men like, this even exist? Like, I feel like we have all felt that. Right? Or it's like, I see girls online all the time. Like, they see the cute relationships, and they're, like, laying in traffic. This is never gonna happen for me. You have to not lose hope.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, you are out there just like. Like, don't settle, like, dead. Just keep looking for what you want until you get it, because you will get it if you are determined.

[Trisha Paytas]

There's so many different types of guys out there and different type of relationships and stuff like that, so you will get the perfect one. I thought I had to settle so much. I'm like, I'm gonna have to settle so much. And it's like the opposite. My life has never been easier, never been better, and I'm just like, oh, my God. And every day is easier and better. So.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Really don't settle. Like.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, you don't have to. I. I thought I had to. I thought you just, like, everything's a compromise. Everything's this, but it's like, you really don't have to.

[Tana Mongeau]

There are 7 billion people on this planet, and, you know, little things you can. Can, you know, work on and compromise on, but those main things you want, they are out there in a person. Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

And every little bit of it. What a note to end on. I know.

[Tana Mongeau]

That was really, like, happy and wholesome. I never want to, like, feel redundant to the people either. Like, if you literally need advice on, like, how to build something from Ikea, like, call us and we will and tell you how to build that malm dresser.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, we'll figure it out. We'll do it for you.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm down. I think all the love and dating we love, but just anything you guys ever want to know. Like, we have been through a lot of weird, niche, other situations too, and just everything or just things you want to know about, you know, just call.

[Trisha Paytas]

You can call about love line or friendline or mentally align.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Ikea. Literally. Absolutely. Ikea Loveline. For real. Anything you guys want to know, I'm here.

[Trisha Paytas]

Call this number. We're both here for you forever. And this has been so much fun.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm not kidding. I thought we were filming for, like, literally seven minutes. And Moses goes, you guys got to the full hour. I'm like, it's. It just goes by so fast and it's so fun.

[Trisha Paytas]

I know. And we're gonna have a little holiday break, but we'll be back in the new year, thanks to you guys. But, hey, if you want to see one more episode, let's do Patreon. Oh, yeah. Or that. We'll film another one for you. Fly to Hawaii or Vegas or wherever.

[Tana Mongeau]

You'Re at the same.

[Trisha Paytas]

And watching the sets here. So.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, that's true. That's true. But I am just excited to see, like, because all of these have been filmed with the first set of calls and people only knew, just call this number. And now I feel like after you guys are seeing this, if you are going through literally anything, we are here to talk to you.

[Trisha Paytas]

And we go through all your calls. We have Devin going through them and we're going through them. So thank you guys so much from the heart. This is like the funnest thing in the whole.

[Tana Mongeau]

Absolutely. I'm so happy we're doing it. And now we're going to go talk about the most awful stuff ever on.

[Trisha Paytas]

Patreon, but in the best way. Patreon.com notloveline we love you guys. See you in the next episode.

[Tana Mongeau]

Bye, guys.