AM I CONTROLLING?! NEED HELP BREAKING UP WITH HIM!

Summary

Podcast Summary: Not Loveline – "AM I CONTROLLING?! NEED HELP BREAKING UP WITH HIM!"

Episode Details:

• Title: AM I CONTROLLING?! NEED HELP BREAKING UP WITH HIM!
• Hosts: Tana Mongeau and Trish Paytas
• Release Date: July 23, 2025

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1. Introduction and Hosts' Banter (00:01 – 03:58)

The episode begins with Tana Mongeau and Trish Paytas engaging in their signature casual and humorous banter. They discuss their personal lives, including parenting anecdotes about their children, Smarty Pants and Malibu Barbie. The hosts share light-hearted moments about their experiences and the dynamics of their extended circles, setting a relaxed and relatable tone for the episode.

Notable Quotes:

• Trish Paytas (00:15): "Not a competition, of course it's a f***ing competition."
• Tana Mongeau (00:19): "Shop on Amazon smartypantsvitamins.com or at Target today."

Note: The initial segment includes promotional content which has been excluded from the summary as per instructions.

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2. Discussing Generational Identity and Personal Growth (03:00 – 05:58)

Tana and Trish delve into a conversation about generational identities, debating whether they align more with Gen Z, Gen Alpha, or Millennial traits. They reflect on their personal experiences and how living multiple lives together has influenced their perspectives. The discussion transitions to their children, emphasizing the joy and challenges of parenting in the public eye.

Notable Quotes:

• Tana Mongeau (02:14): "Feel millennial, but I feel so Gen Z on paper."
• Trish Paytas (03:14): "She's so sweet. She was like... she genuinely, like, loves you."

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3. Caller Segment: "Am I Being Controlling?" (14:07 – 20:08)

A listener named McCall calls in seeking advice about her relationship. She expresses concern over her boyfriend attending a coworker's party alone in Long Beach, far from home, and worries it may indicate controlling or insecure behavior. McCall is unsure if her boundary-setting is justified or if she's being overly controlling.

Discussion Highlights:

• Boundary vs. Control: Tana emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between healthy boundaries and controlling behavior, suggesting that boundaries should have valid reasons rooted in trust and past experiences.

  Notable Quote:

  • Tana Mongeau (15:32): "If people have their boundary that they absolutely do not want to surpass, then the person they're with might have to succumb to those boundaries."

• Communication and Trust: Trish and Tana discuss the necessity of open communication and understanding underlying issues that may drive insecurities in relationships. They advocate for self-reflection to determine if boundaries stem from personal trauma or legitimate concerns.

  Notable Quote:

  • Trish Paytas (16:33): "You're taking out this situation on him. He doesn't mean that, he has a good heart, but he's got to get thrown out into the real world."

• Advice Given: The hosts advise McCall to explore her feelings, communicate openly with her boyfriend about her insecurities, and assess whether the relationship is healthy for her mental well-being.

  Notable Quote:

  • Tana Mongeau (19:52): "It's okay to walk away from that situation because you can't handle it anymore."

Note: Advertisement segments interspersed between these timestamps have been excluded from the summary.

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4. Caller Segment: Dealing with an Addicted Partner (20:08 – 34:49)

Another caller seeks guidance on maintaining a relationship with a boyfriend struggling with ketamine addiction. She describes their on-again, off-again dynamic and the challenges of trusting him and supporting his recovery while preserving her own mental health.

Discussion Highlights:

• Understanding Addiction: Trish and Tana empathize with the caller, discussing the complexities of loving someone with an active addiction. They emphasize that addicts often struggle with control over their actions and that addiction is a disease, not a moral failing.

  Notable Quotes:

  • Trish Paytas (26:02): "Addicts are the most meaningful people ever, but when you're in active addiction, you have no control over what you're saying, lying about."
  • Tana Mongeau (27:48): "Addiction sucks the life out of you."

• Setting Boundaries: The hosts stress the importance of setting healthy boundaries to protect one’s own mental health. They advise offering support and resources but also recognizing when it's necessary to step away for personal well-being.

  Notable Quote:

  • Tana Mongeau (31:24): "You deserve happiness. You can only live for someone else so long before it literally kills you."

• Personal Stories and Encouragement: Both hosts share their own experiences with addiction, providing a personal touch and validating the caller’s feelings. They encourage the caller to seek professional help and to prioritize her own health over the relationship.

  Notable Quote:

  • Trish Paytas (32:42): "Sobriety success stories are so inspiring. Especially ones with ketamine. When you can get through that, it's possible."

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5. Brief Caller Segment: The Box Nightclub Experience (34:49 – 73:03)

A third caller shares her experience working at The Box, a renowned and provocative nightclub known for its avant-garde performances and exclusive atmosphere. Tana and Trish discuss the club's environment, performances, and the blend of art and sexuality it represents.

Discussion Highlights:

• Club Atmosphere: The hosts describe The Box as a performance art venue where shocking and sexually charged performances are commonplace, emphasizing its appeal to a predominantly queer and female audience.

  Notable Quotes:

  • Tana Mongeau (55:07): "It's a performance art. They have shows on stage, and it's all very much like, shock factor Final Boss."
  • Trish Paytas (56:01): "Why do people like it? It sounds so fake and wild."

• Personal Reflections: Trish recounts a specific incident where a performer executed an extreme act, highlighting the club's intense and unpredictable nature. They discuss the balance between enjoying the art and feeling concerned about safety and authenticity.

  Notable Quote:

  • Tana Mongeau (60:08): "It's very much like a Cirque du Soleil show with people doing contortionism and creative expression in a sexually freeing environment."

Note: This segment includes mentions of performers and specific acts. The summary focuses on the nature of the discussion without delving into graphic details to maintain appropriateness.

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6. Closing Remarks and Final Banter (73:03 – End)

The episode concludes with Tana and Trish wrapping up their discussions with humorous exchanges about their wigs and personal styles. They reflect on the deep and sometimes intense conversations they've had, reinforcing their supportive dynamic and commitment to their listeners' well-being.

Notable Quotes:

• Trish Paytas (74:17): "I'm officially the biggest influencer head."
• Tana Mongeau (76:23): "We love women like that. Genuinely wanting other women to win is so nice."

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Key Takeaways:

• Healthy Boundaries vs. Control: Establishing boundaries in relationships is vital for personal well-being, but it's essential to differentiate them from controlling behaviors.
• Supporting Partners with Addiction: Loving someone with an addiction requires understanding, empathy, and the ability to set boundaries to protect one’s mental health.
• Artistic Expression in Social Venues: Places like The Box nightclub serve as platforms for avant-garde performances that blend art with sexuality, catering to diverse and expressive communities.

Final Thoughts: Tana Mongeau and Trish Paytas offer heartfelt and practical advice on complex relationship issues, drawing from personal experiences to guide their listeners. Their candid and compassionate approach fosters a supportive environment for those seeking guidance in love, trust, and personal growth.

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This summary excludes advertisements, introductions, and non-content segments to focus solely on the core discussions and advice provided during the episode.

Transcript

[Trisha Paytas]

The kid you hear playing the piano, he's not mine. On top of the two weekly piano lessons and finger yoga, I give my son Smarty Pants vitamins to support his brain health. Because while I'm supposed to say it's.

[Tana Mongeau]

Not a competition, of course it's a f ing competition.

[Trisha Paytas]

Choose Smarty Pants vitamins to support your kid's brain health and help them master whatever their chopsticks may be. Shop on Amazon smartypantsvitamins.com or at target today. Summer's here, and Nordstrom has everything you need for your best dress season ever. From beach days and weddings to weekend getaways in your everyday wardrobe, discover stylish options under $100 from tons of your favorite brands, like Mango Skims, Princess Polly, and madewell. It's easy, too, with free shipping and free returns in store order, pickup, and more. Shop today in stores [e-mail] or download the Nordstrom app. Hang off your blue jeans. Oh, my God. Okay, perv. Like, what? I'm officially the biggest influencer head. There was one influencer who had a bigger head than me that wore wigs, and I always, like, took solace in that. I was like, finally, someone else has a bigger head. Everything I find about James Charles is a little bit against my will. On Tick Tock with fyp, he was, like, mad.

[Tana Mongeau]

He was like, why won't they name it after Rachel?

[Trisha Paytas]

Star.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love that we're comfy.

[Trisha Paytas]

We're comfy. And we're back.

[Tana Mongeau]

We're back. Hello and welcome.

[Trisha Paytas]

Not love, not Loveline. We promise we will not yap.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes.

[Trisha Paytas]

Not talk about meeting Adam Sandler.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm wearing him for this episode instead of talking about him. Do your ever just, like, stick to your. Yeah, like, my. They're stuck to my stomach right now.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, interesting. Because you're so, like, young and proportional.

[Tana Mongeau]

They're going to touch my ankles sooner rather than later.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yes. Mine are definitely flopping to the waist.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, I've been getting gray hairs lately. Like, all of it.

[Trisha Paytas]

My God, that's so crazy. That's what we're saying. I'm like, are you Gen Z because you feel Millennial?

[Tana Mongeau]

Millennial? I swear I am Gen Z, but I, like, really resonate with the not, like, the awful parts of Millennial, but, like, I'm like, I don't know. There's Gen Z that's really, like, up to date and, like, cool and, like, young with it and, like, I've just lived 85 lives. Like, I don't feel that way because you're Probably.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. You're probably on, like, the older end of a Gen Z maybe because you've been around the millennial youtubers like we were talking about, and so, like, you.

[Tana Mongeau]

Feel millennial, but I feel so Paige is always saying, like, tanner, I don't care what it says. Like, you're a Gen Z on paper, but, like, you're a. Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Which is gonna be a place to be. A little bit of both.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

I think I'm the opposite. I think I'm a little Gen Z and a little Gen Alpha. I'm a little bit. I'm going down on a generation. Like, I feel like I could be there, too.

[Tana Mongeau]

No. Yeah. I mean, I feel like. Yeah, we're kind of a combination of all of it. It's all the lives we've lived together, you know? Yeah. We're just not. What's the new one?

[Trisha Paytas]

Gen X, Gen Alpha. As the new one, Gen X was above us, above me.

[Tana Mongeau]

I thought Gen Alpha was, like, my daughter's Gen Alpha. Oh, period. Malibu. Him in that era, too. I love Malibu. She was just crying to see me. And we still have to film one more episode before I can see her.

[Trisha Paytas]

But she's ok. Yeah. I was like, just make sure, like, she can say bye because she woke up from her nap, she had her Princess Belle dress. And the first thing, she's like, I want to see Tana.

[Tana Mongeau]

I want to see Tana. I swear, if I spend too much time around Malibu Barbie, I'm, like, going home to Makoba. Like, pregnant now, pregnant tomorrow. Like, because she's just, like, the best kid, you know?

[Trisha Paytas]

She's so sweet. She was like. But like, we always say. I keep saying this, but she, like, genuinely, like, loves you. And I've never seen, like, a. She, like, loves people, but, like, she, like, loves you.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love her so much.

[Trisha Paytas]

Gravitates to you. Always has some.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I just love showing her things. Like whenever I show her, like, my nails or something.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, she loves. I know. You gotta, like, show her the nail. I don't think she fully saw that much.

[Tana Mongeau]

I know. I love.

[Trisha Paytas]

She loves it. We always just out with, like, saying we love Malibu.

[Tana Mongeau]

We do, though. Like, she's a big part of everything, you know? Like, she is. And, like, one day she's gonna be hosting this podcast.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, my God. I hope she. She loves doing makeup. I'm like, I really hope she turns into. Be a makeup artist so I have someone on backup, you know, in case my makeup artist retires one day.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my God. You should start Teaching her now, like, this is cream.

[Trisha Paytas]

I think she knows. I think she knows, period.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, she is, like, so smart, too, which is cool.

[Trisha Paytas]

We love. That's the podcast we love Malibu podcast.

[Tana Mongeau]

Do you think that people. What do you think of nature versus Nurt? Do you think some people are just, like, genuinely dumb? And it doesn't matter how much people try to dumb. Like, you know how, like, sometimes people have kids and, like, their kid is, like, dumb, but, like, they're trying to.

[Trisha Paytas]

Make their kids for sure, I think, right? Yes. I mean, yes, like, because that is true. Like, if you have a really smart parents, I mean, in general, you're probably going to be intellectual as well. And, like, dumb is so, like, subjective, but.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Well, am I even saying no?

[Trisha Paytas]

But I know what you mean.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, I don't even know if I know what I mean. But you ever just meet a person, like a grown person, and you're like.

[Trisha Paytas]

Wow, this person, like, that might be right. I don't know.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.

[Trisha Paytas]

I know what you mean. Because I do lack. Sometimes I lack common sense, which might be more of how I was brought up. Because I was brought up in a really small town. Yeah. Because I was. You know what I mean? Like, I was brought up in such a small town then. I, like, didn't, like, explore, obviously, live in LA and stuff now. But even in la, I, like, be in a bubble. I kept myself in a bubble. I never went out. So I think I lack social awareness and all that stuff. But I think that's nurture because Malibu is so outgoing. And I was like, oh, maybe just it is in my nature to be like that, but, like, somewhere along the lines, I, like, shut myself out. So I, like, don't have human interaction. I don't know how to interact with humans, as opposed to Malbo's very good interacting with humans. And I was like, well, that must be.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's funny because I don't feel like you. I feel like you do have insanely incredible, like, social awareness and ability to, like, really read people's emotions even. I was just telling you, like, I always leave here feeling higher and better about myself than when I walked in through the door. And, like, that's a very special thing to give, to be able to speak life into other people and, like, know what they need to hear.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, my God.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, I feel like you always know what someone needs to hear and you're gassing them up.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, okay. I love that. Well, I hope so. I don't see enough people, so I don't know. I literally just see you guys. So I'm always like, I don't know what is what. But okay, as I'm.

[Tana Mongeau]

As I'm getting older, the pillow I'm. I'm cuddling with.

[Trisha Paytas]

My pillow's crazy. I saw that. I was like, ah, what is that?

[Tana Mongeau]

She's so hot. She's so silly.

[Trisha Paytas]

I hated myself in this photo.

[Tana Mongeau]

But I love you in this photo.

[Trisha Paytas]

The eyes are like non existent. Like, where are my eyeballs? Just dark patches. I look like Coraline's other mom.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh my. Not the other mother. No. I love this. I love this so much. Tarte sent me pillows of everyone I love for my birthday and I brought this over. But Trisha doesn't like this photo of herself, so I think it scared her.

[Trisha Paytas]

I was so scared. And you brought like out of the bag and I was like, what? You're literally like, ah, love that. Tarte sent that though, as part of like your inner circle. Like this is your inner circle.

[Tana Mongeau]

They literally sent me you, Paige Ashley Amari and which if I was on a desserted island with you, Paige, Ashley, Amari and Moa, I'd be pretty stoked.

[Trisha Paytas]

I like deserted. No one else is there.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Private island vibes. Okay.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm starting to realize as I'm getting older that you like just. You slay with the way that you are though. Like the bubble. Don't. My piece. It's nice.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, you kind of have to sometimes.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, it's good.

[Trisha Paytas]

I don't think I'll pop my bubble.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Dead.

[Trisha Paytas]

Well, we have crumble cookies. I don't think you get these cookies anymore. Should we try one?

[Tana Mongeau]

Should we try a bite of a.

[Trisha Paytas]

How's your tummy though? You. You've been saying you had the bubbles a lot, so I don't like eff it up too much more. I am a bite of the moonbe.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, let's. We're going to try Benson Boone's Moon. Benson Boone's Moonbeam ice cream crumble cookie. What the mad lib is that?

[Trisha Paytas]

Moonbeam ice cream. Do you know the next line?

[Tana Mongeau]

Taking off your blue jeans. Did I make that up? No, it's right.

[Trisha Paytas]

Taking off your blue jeans. Oh my God. Okay, perv. Like what?

[Tana Mongeau]

I love Benson Boone and I love his music, but I do not like that song.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, I think that's a general consensus.

[Tana Mongeau]

Right? It's not good.

[Trisha Paytas]

What's his popular song? I forget.

[Tana Mongeau]

Don't see. I love that song.

[Trisha Paytas]

That sounds like the other Person you told me you love. That sounds like the one.

[Tana Mongeau]

Everyone sounds the same when I sing it. That's the problem.

[Trisha Paytas]

That sounds like the one. You said he had shots and had to quit.

[Tana Mongeau]

Lewis Capaldi. But he's back. He just. He just performed at. That's it. I can't remember what it's called, so. Glastonbury.

[Trisha Paytas]

Ah. What's Glastonbury?

[Tana Mongeau]

It's like Coachella, but across the pond.

[Trisha Paytas]

Why are you not there performing? I would love to see you at Glastonbury.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my God. I would love to see me at Glastonbury. Olivia Rodrigo performed. She did really good.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, it's like really big people.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, it's huge. Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Where is it?

[Tana Mongeau]

It's in the uk. I don't know. Where?

[Trisha Paytas]

No one knows.

[Tana Mongeau]

London. I really don't like the way this.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's cold. I don't like a cold crumble cookie.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love a cold cookie.

[Trisha Paytas]

The other ones are warm. This one's cold. But first of all, those other ones are giant. When did crumble become ginormous?

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Like, I feel like they've gotten bigger.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's why America's like, why are we fat? I don't know. Because we have like 5, 000 calories in one chocolate chip cookie. I love it, though. No.

[Tana Mongeau]

Have you ever seen people show all of the things that you can eat to equate to one crumble?

[Trisha Paytas]

Yes, but like, eggs, bacon, avocado, toast, fruit.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, yeah, it's insane. But we love a crumble cookie. Cheers.

[Trisha Paytas]

Cheers. Okay. Like a cold one.

[Tana Mongeau]

Benson Boone in his back clip chips. I. I'm not gonna lie. If I wasn't on camera, I would not eat this. I don't like the way it looks. I don't like the colorway.

[Trisha Paytas]

Eat it just because you're on camera. But okay.

[Tana Mongeau]

I know, but like, I do.

[Trisha Paytas]

It was a weird. It's a weird choice, but okay. Oh, the chocolate cookie is good. The frosting is weird. Wait, that frosting tastes like.

[Tana Mongeau]

It tastes like something so familiar.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like spoiled milk.

[Tana Mongeau]

Okay. Right. No, but like something. Something childhoody, like. Like almost like a childhood ice cream or like a moonbeam, actually. So I don't know. I actually kind of like it.

[Trisha Paytas]

I don't.

[Tana Mongeau]

It does look like Benson Boone himself nutted all over it, but could be worse. People.

[Trisha Paytas]

Okay.

[Tana Mongeau]

I like it. I don't know why. I don't know how I like the marketing.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, when Kylie fees came out with crumble got all of them was so obsessed. Like, I love a. A gimmick a theme.

[Tana Mongeau]

Me too. I love a gimmick.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm a sucker for a good gimmick.

[Trisha Paytas]

Nothing about that as Benson Boom. But we're all like, let's have the Benson boom Cookie.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

What?

[Tana Mongeau]

Benson Boon Moonbeam Ice Cream Crumble Cookie. I'm naming my first kid that Benson Boone Moonbeam Ice Cream Crumble Cookie Mojo.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's a good, that's a good name. I do love that. Remember when James Charles wanted Starbucks to name the pink drink after him?

[Tana Mongeau]

That's so funny that you say that because I was like, randomly thinking about that 48 hours ago. Like, I'm not even joking, Trisha. Like, I was actually thinking about that 48 hours ago.

[Trisha Paytas]

Everything I find about James Charles is a little bit against my will. On Tick Tock with fyp, he was like, mad.

[Tana Mongeau]

He was like, why won't they name it after racing star? Like, do you remember that?

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. And we're like, okay. But like, I didn't know that was his thing. I always just knew the pink drink, like, before James Charles. And I was like, I just had.

[Tana Mongeau]

An out of body moment because. Is that, like, what I, I am like, wanting Chili's to work with me.

[Trisha Paytas]

I think wanting to work with a brand is so different. Like the me with Domino's too.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Them to call it, like the Tana Dipper.

[Trisha Paytas]

That'd be iconic, though. I think wanting to work with a brand logical to be like, you sold pink drinks because of me. Like, if you were to tell Chili's people only like your triple Dippers because of me, like, that's crazy, huh? Maybe not. Maybe, you know, people are influenced by you. But to say it is wild to say it out loud. It's like, even if you believe that in your dulu mine, like, saying it is crazy.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, that is. I like, remember that so well. I could like, paint those videos where he was like, Starbucks. Like, he was like, whoa, that was a time I did.

[Trisha Paytas]

I have blocked him on everything, and yet I see this and that specific pink drink thing comes up and it must have been 10 years ago.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

He's another one that feels millennial. But he's probably like your age.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Why do I want to say he's younger than me by like a year?

[Trisha Paytas]

Right. I think up his age, he's like 26.

[Tana Mongeau]

So funny because it's like even thinking about a time without James Charles as an influencer doesn't feel real. But like, I did.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, I remember it well. I remember life before James Charles. Look, I, I, he Recently has come in my sphere in the past couple years. I really wasn't that aware of him, but I remember it very well. Like, to me, I can't be like, James Charles is, like, the influencer, because I'm like, I. He. To me, he's like a newbie. Like, he's like fourth generation.

[Tana Mongeau]

I don't know. Yeah. It is very interesting, though, the way that he has, like, an insane die hard fan base. Like, even, like, he just put out, like, a new, like, rainbow palette, and.

[Trisha Paytas]

I was like, no, he put out the Morphe palette. James version. That's very Jaclyn Hill. I think she put out her Morphe palette, but, like, Jaclyn Hill version didn't.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, let me not. Actually. I don't even want to, like, piss off Morphe, so I'll just shut up.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, Morphe.

[Tana Mongeau]

They're done.

[Trisha Paytas]

They're bankrupt. You can't piss them off. They've already canceled themselves. Right. No shame to bankruptcy, by the way. Like, go bankrupt.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Whatever you need to do for your business happens.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm gonna say that Benson Boone, like, might have. I. I feel like he made that cookie himself. So I just want to say, like, Benson, you really did not. You really moonbeamed that ice cream.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, did not make that cookie. He does not eat. He does not eat a crumble cookie. You can just tell in his little jumpsuit that he's not eating crumble cookies.

[Tana Mongeau]

I know. Literally, at all. He's probably literally never. But, like, that cookie is so good. Benson, seriously, good job.

[Trisha Paytas]

The Kardashians just had, like, a whole line of crumble cookies. And I mean, no one is eating this. I think Chris's was something so good. I'm like, there's no way she's eating, like, a yellow cake with just, like, chocolate frosting on it. It was delicious, but also, like, they're not eating them.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Oh, my God. I did. I ordered that too. I forgot. I love crumble.

[Trisha Paytas]

I like crumble, too. That lineup was, you know.

[Tana Mongeau]

You know, I like the pink frosting one the most, but last time I ordered it, it tasted just like Clorox wipes, so I've been a little turned off.

[Trisha Paytas]

Maybe it was. Maybe they wiped down the counters. Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Trisha Paytas]

I love crumble.

[Tana Mongeau]

Should we. Should we speak to some of the girlies? I just want to say that there's something so beautiful about shooting a not Loveline, like, in comfy clothes. Like, I almost feel like my advice is better. When I'm not worried about, like, my coming out.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. Take that for the patreon. My debate. Patreon.com loveline. We have new episodes every Friday. And then call this number here if you want to ask questions for the main or for the Patreon. Feel free to specify this to.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, nothing. Like, I was just doing this.

[Trisha Paytas]

He could extend the phone number over that way. Yeah, across your way. I love it.

[Tana Mongeau]

Call us. And yeah, we've been having a great time over on the Patreon, but I'm really excited for this episode. I think that now that I'm able to man spread and sit like this, I'm just gonna get another advice.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's free.

[Tana Mongeau]

Call me, beat me if you want to reach me.

[C]

Hi, Trish. Hi, Tana. I just need some advice. I have a question. I don't know if this is, like, me setting a boundary or not. I've been dating my boyfriend for about three years now, and today he called me and said that he was invited to one of his co workers parties. The thing is, I don't know any of these people and I just. It's out in Long beach and we live like an hour and a half away. He said he won't be back till the morning, like late in the morning. And I just want to know. I said he can't go. Am I being controlling? Insecure? I just feel like this is a boundary for myself, and I just want to know what you guys thought. Thank you.

[Trisha Paytas]

Okay.

[Tana Mongeau]

Wow.

[Trisha Paytas]

I mean, maybe, like, maybe she has just reason to worry about this, but it's like, do you want to be in a relationship where you worry about someone being gone overnight?

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes. That's what's hard is, like, I would need a little more context. And honestly, like, at the end of the day, boundaries are boundaries. Your boundaries could be like, I hate the color Purple and I never want to see it again. And if you really stand on that, you know what I mean?

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, wait, really? Like, like a reasonable boundary?

[Tana Mongeau]

Not at all. But I'm saying, like, if people, like, have their boundary that, like, they absolutely do not want to surpass, then, like, fun. Fortunately, the person that they're with might have to, like, succumb to those boundaries. You know what I mean? Like, because it's your boundary, right?

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, but what I feel like, McCall, is like, never again can you do one YouTube video. Never posting on YouTube ever. Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Then I would say, like, I don't. I don't slay with that boundary. And you have to find someone else who Respect it.

[Trisha Paytas]

But also, like, you don't abide by it.

[Tana Mongeau]

Exactly. Like, I think sometimes in relationships people have to, like, choose, like, compromising towards boundaries, even if they don't agree with them. But you also don't want to, like, push your man away to a point that, like, you know what I mean? Like, he's maybe fantasizing about a life with a little less control. Like, if there's really no reasoning here.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, I don't. I am always gonna say I don't think a woman ever is, like, doing something for absolutely no reason. Like, maybe you went through something with someone else or with him that made you insecure in this way. Maybe there's someone he works with that you don't fully trust. Maybe like, he drinks and acts a certain way so, like, you are not there to like, you know, which is.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, yeah, once again, it's just like, oh. But then it's just like something. Yeah, it's like, I don't know. That's like a boundary. I don't think, like, if most like you can. You can never go away for a night without me. I'd be like, yeah, I feel so suffocated by it. And even though I want to be with him 24 7, I'd be like, but why? If I gave, like, no reason, if I was like, cheated on one time when I was on tour or something, I'd be like, okay, yeah, I understand, but.

[Tana Mongeau]

Exactly. That's what I think it is. Where I would need to know more reasonings behind your boundaries or if it has nothing to do with him. I think you should communicate those traumas and try to work through them. Because if there really is nothing to do with him and you don't think he's going to do anything bad, I think it's good to almost let him go. I think I had to get like that with Mokoa in a lot of ways where like, the hats came out. I know I had to take it off. I'm gonna put on my knee. I feel like even, like there will be days in Hawaii where Mokoa genuinely is doing something with no cell phone service. Right?

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

And like, I used to be the type of person who would like, freak out and then he'd go do that and I would freak the out and then he'd come back and I would even notice myself being a little more passive or questioning. And then over time, I had to be like, wow, this is my own trauma that I'm putting on to him. And I'm not going to set a boundary with him where, like, he can't go do that thing with no service.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, I trust now because I've, like, been and seen that. That's true. Like, you know, and, like, because then.

[Trisha Paytas]

It becomes more controlling and not a boundary. You're just trying to control a situation.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes, that's so true. You have to, like, really sit with yourself and be like, is this a boundary for a valid reason?

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I want to put this on him and I stand on it.

[Trisha Paytas]

And a boundary for yourself is a different boundary. Someone else. You shouldn't, like, put a boundary on someone else. Be like, my boundary is you can't go anywhere.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's like, the boundary could be on yourself. Be like, you know, I don't know, it feels a little, like, weird.

[Tana Mongeau]

I agree. And like, maybe you're going with him. Or maybe, like, maybe you also want to go to Long beach and hang in the hotel.

[Trisha Paytas]

Who wants to go to Long Beach? Nobody's trying to go down there. I mean, look, there's nothing going on down there. I mean, maybe, you know, Laugh Factory, is that still open? But I don't know if there's anything happening. Isn't there like a Grand Prix down there or something, too?

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm just like, maybe you have to go with him so that he can still go. Like, don't rob him of the experience. Maybe. I don't know, like, or let him go. And, like, maybe you have a glass of wine or you smoke some. You not to go to substances, but, like, turn your phone off, watch a movie. Like. Like, even if it eats you alive. I think exposure therapy sometimes is good. If there really is, like, no reasoning.

[Trisha Paytas]

Put a little airpod on him.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Like, oh, yeah, air tag. Air tag. An issue. But I don't know, sometimes. Yeah. When things stress me out, I'll go the exact opposite with Makoa, where I'm like, oh, my God. Like, yeah, I don't want him to go to this because I have trust issues and trauma from the past. I'm gonna tell him to go and I'm gonna sit here and I'm gonna work through that. Like, you know what I mean? Like, that sometimes I have to do the exact opposite thing and, like, face the fear. And then he comes back and he had a great time and we're happier than ever and he missed me and I'm like, hell, yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. Like, you know, the air, probably.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, yeah. So I don't know. I would really. I would think on this one, I would Explore your thoughts and why you're having that. And be careful. Just being like this is a boundary. You hit the nail on the head.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Versus control. I guess she just kind of controlling.

[Trisha Paytas]

It feels a little controlling. But again, there could be reason.

[Tana Mongeau]

But yeah, call us back and keep us posted. But I think that if he didn't do anything wrong to you, then you should let him go.

[Trisha Paytas]

Thank you so much to DraftKings Casino for sponsoring today's episode.

[Tana Mongeau]

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[Trisha Paytas]

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[Tana Mongeau]

We love you, DraftKings Casino. I love Huff and More Puff. I will be there, but play responsibly.

[Trisha Paytas]

Thank you for sponsoring. And the words are also let it go.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, let him go.

[Trisha Paytas]

Let him go.

[Tana Mongeau]

Let him go to Long Beach.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's really boring.

[Tana Mongeau]

At least he's not trying to go to Miami overnight.

[Trisha Paytas]

That is so true. Like, what trouble is he in Long Beach?

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, and if that man is getting in trouble in Long beach, like, you.

[Trisha Paytas]

Deserve better at the yard house.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, exactly. God, that sounds good. Yard house.

[Trisha Paytas]

They have one up here.

[Tana Mongeau]

They have, like, really good pretzels with cheese. Whatever.

[Trisha Paytas]

I do love a yard house. I haven't seen one in, like, so long.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love a Bavarian pretzel.

[Trisha Paytas]

They're hard to find.

[Tana Mongeau]

And when they're like, big one big is your torso.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, I love a big pretzel.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love When a pretzel is the size of my torso, sometimes you just.

[Trisha Paytas]

Go to, like, bar. There's like a bar here. It's like a brewery. And they have, like, these big. They're really, really good.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, that's what you need, girl. Let him go and just order a Bavarian pretzel for the night.

[Trisha Paytas]

There's a yard house in Long Beach. Well, there was when I went, yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Have them bring you back. I love doing that, too. I'll be like, bring me back a trinket just so I know that that man's doing something for me. While he's out there, make sure you.

[Trisha Paytas]

Know that he was in Long Beach. Bring back that Long beach pretzel.

[Tana Mongeau]

Long Beach March.

[Trisha Paytas]

I love city merch, too. Wherever city you're in, just get that merch. Yes.

[Tana Mongeau]

We love geographical merch.

[Trisha Paytas]

I have, like, weird, like, Duke University merch from North Carolina.

[Tana Mongeau]

In the same way. I am, like, the same way.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, yeah, you have the Bucky's everywhere.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my God. I love that beaver. I love that Goddamn.

[Trisha Paytas]

I didn't get into the Bucky's. I need to get into it. I don't think I physically went to one, so I couldn't experience.

[Tana Mongeau]

The other day in Hawaii, I had, like, the strongest craving for a Buc ee's pulled pork sandwich. And I was just like, I'm so far from the South.

[Trisha Paytas]

Time to go to the south again.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, I would love to. I love the South South.

[Trisha Paytas]

Me too.

[Tana Mongeau]

Not some of the people in it, but I do love the South. Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Who's in the south that you don't like?

[Tana Mongeau]

I don't know. It's just the south is very maga.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, oh, oh. Got it. I got it. Yeah. It can be scary down there.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Stay safe.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Oh, my God, I wish you were watching Love Island.

[Trisha Paytas]

Why is there.

[Tana Mongeau]

I don't know. I just thought about. You're not watching Love Island. I'm literally. Oh, my God. I'm done. It's consuming me. Next caller.

[Trisha Paytas]

I know. I hate that when people are not into something I'm into because I'm like, I just to want talk about it so bad with someone, but I also.

[Tana Mongeau]

Would do anything for those, like, 25 hours of my life back.

[Trisha Paytas]

Really? No, I feel like you. You needed it. It's like a decompressor for you.

[Tana Mongeau]

It is, honestly.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, that's true.

[Tana Mongeau]

Every day. Decompressor. Yeah, Every single day. There was a day in Hawaii where the UV was, like, prime. Uv. Sun's out, waves are beautiful. And I sat Inside and watched Love island and afterwards I like wanted to punch myself in the face.

[Trisha Paytas]

But normalized. That's how we were on our honeymoon. We went to Maldives and we literally stayed inside like every day. I had like anxiety because I was like pregnant. I was scared the waves were gonna like cause something cuz I was like five weeks pregnant. So I thought oh my God, the waves are gonna crash against my baby.

[Tana Mongeau]

Something crazy new fear unlocked swimming while pregnant.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. Cuz you google it and it's like the waves can hurt the baby. So I was like so scared. So like we just like we were in this like really bougie hotel, like the underwater one. And we just like sat. We even go underwater cuz I had anxiety about that. So we just sat on the top floor and just like closed all the windows and just. I was also scared of pirates because it's also in the middle of the ocean, that room. So you just like go to this long deck and I was scared like pirates. So we like locked all the doors and windows and just sat inside and watch like and Tick Tock all day on the Maldives.

[Tana Mongeau]

Kind of love that, you know what I mean? Sometimes you're just not feeling something.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's what I'm saying. And I feel like you should like normalize just like being on vacation and sometimes you just want to be in a tropical location watching Tick Tock. You know what I mean?

[Tana Mongeau]

Like honestly it's like not. We have Love island at home. You know that was me.

[Trisha Paytas]

If that's what relaxes you.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, yeah. You know what, you're right.

[Trisha Paytas]

You went outside. I saw you see a lot of sunsets.

[Tana Mongeau]

I was super outside. Honestly, I was, I was. You're right, you're right. And it's. It was that I had to watch Hoda's Crash out.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Okay. Who needs something?

[Trisha Paytas]

Who needs help? Us.

[C]

Hi. Trisha and Tana. I should say first, I love both of you. I went to both of your shows, they were amazing. But I'm calling you guys to get advice on my on again off again boyfriend of like 2 years. I love him so much. But the reason that we keep being like off and then on is because he struggles with addiction.

[Tana Mongeau]

I take back my.

[Trisha Paytas]

Ugh.

[C]

Specifically ketamine. And it's just changed the way that I trust him and the way that like we can like our day to day relationship is so affected by it. And I guess I'm asking for advice because I don't know how to trust him and I don't know how to help him. If I'm supposed to be helping him or if I shouldn't even be with him. But yeah, just let me know if you guys have any advice for that. Love you again. Bye.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, I love you so much. I love her so much. And this makes me very sad.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh. Being in love with, like, an active addict is the worst. It's the worst because it's heartbreaking. Addicts are, like, the most meaning, well people ever. But when you're in active addiction, like, you have no control over what you're saying, lying about. And it's like, they're never, in my experience, they're never like, malice, like, they're never, like, evil people. They're actually, like, really sweet people that are just, like, have a really bad sickness. When an active addiction, you just can't trust them because it's just like, they don't have control over what they're doing or saying.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, it's so sad. Jelly Roll always says that. Like, I've never seen an addict that doesn't light up the room sober. And I really think it's, like, a beautiful thing to say because it's so true. I've actually, like, lost a lot of people I love in my life. Not, like, lost them by passing, but lost our relationship specifically to ketamine addiction. And it's really hard. It's like a really gnarly, like, oh, my God. I've seen, like, just all of the things it does when it gets. Gets bad. It affects people's, like, organs and so many things, and it's so, so hard to watch. And I've dated people in active addiction, you know, and like, we've talked about that. And, like, it's. It's hard because you're so close to the person, so you feel responsible. And I think that you wake up one day eventually and you realize, like, even though I'm close to this person, I am not responsible. And unfortunately, you can't take it personally. Because I think that a lot of times when you're, like, with someone who's an active addiction and you love them, you will. At least I would find myself being like, why doesn't this person love me enough to stop this? And then after then being on the flip side of the coin and being an addict, I think that it was like, wow, like, sometimes it. It's not that they don't love you. They might love you with everything they have in them, but, like, that it's a demon. And the demons can win sometimes.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

You know, and like, oh, my God. Honest, Advice is like, unfortunately, I think it's important to do everything that you can do, like, give them resources and reach out to people around them and all those things. But once you've done those things, sometimes you might have to walk away for your mental health, as hard as it is. It's so sad.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's so sad. I know. I wish more people talked about, like, being in love with addicts. Cause we've seen like, influencers, like, touch on like, being married to an addict and then having to leave and like, like, and it's like, ah. I just wish it was like a more open conversation so people could. Because I don't fully understand. I never like, fully, like, was in love with an addict. I like, dated them and like, kind of gotten scared and like left or whatever. But it's like to be in love with someone and just try.

[Tana Mongeau]

He.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like you said you want to help them. You don't want to just like, walk away from someone who's sick.

[Tana Mongeau]

And it'll consume you and it'll kill you. Like it inside. Like, it really will, you know? And like, I still think it's like. Like, that's a really long, hard trauma that you carry. I still, like, think about people and it's like, oh, my God. Yeah, I wish I could do more. I wish I could still help them. Or like, I wish I could. Even now, like, as healed as I am in life, I still think about those people and whether they're still in those addictions or whatever. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, it's just like. It's a very hard one. But I look back at times that I stayed with addicts for a very long time trying to save them. And there's a part of me that for me, I wish I left sooner because it's like just so painful.

[Trisha Paytas]

Well, like you said, it's demons. And like, you cannot fight a demon. Like us as humans are not fighting demons. You know what I mean? So if you're an addict that like, lives is like miraculous. Like, it's amazing. And yeah, like, as much as you can try and fight them, you just absolutely. Some people are lucky and make it through and some people don't. And no matter how much love you have for someone, it's like I can't even imagine.

[Tana Mongeau]

And it just. It sucks the life out of you.

[Trisha Paytas]

They hide it. They hide a lot of it.

[Tana Mongeau]

And that the on again, off again makes perfect sense because that's what it is. You like, get fed up or they do something too far but then like, oh my God, it's. It sucks because a lot of it too is like mourning a person who's still alive. You know what I mean? Like, mourning this side of this person that you fell for that now is like slowly you're watching like, die and fade away this side of them. And like the fear and anxiety of them taking it too far. And like, oh my God, I feel like I lived in that for so long, being like, what if, Like, I would stay. Because it's like, what if this person dies? And then I hate myself forever because I left and then they died. You know what I mean? But like, looking back, it's like you can't.

[Trisha Paytas]

And then people judge you for that too. I remember there was an influencer who was an addict and he like, passed away. And then everyone was like, she did like a post, like, remembering him and people were like, pissed at her. Well, you left him. You did this. And that's what I'm saying. I wish it was like a more open conversation, but like, a lot of people can't have it because of judgment, but like trying to love someone and just like, it just. You just can't. Like you said, sometimes you love yourself too, to like, be like, I can't also be brought down in this. And.

[Tana Mongeau]

And it's.

[Trisha Paytas]

There's.

[Tana Mongeau]

There's almost a. A piece. As hard, as dark as this is to say for you, there's a self piece with knowing, like, you can't really help him any more than you already have. Like, I think when it comes to addiction, like, people have to hit their own rock bottoms on their own time to get sober, unfortunately. You know what I mean? Like, whether that is you breaking up with them or whether. Whether that's years down the line, they just finally don't want to do it anymore. Like, you can't. And then it's even scary territory if you, like, force someone to get sober for you, but like, they weren't ready on their own time and then they relapse and then you're back going behind your back, like, just doing.

[Trisha Paytas]

And that's a different betrayal. You're like, well, Jesus, like, I wear past this. So.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. And it's like, they don't. That is not who he is. And I know it's so hard because it's like, this isn't you. But yeah, I think that if you get to a point where you feel like you've exhausted your options. Yeah, I guess I just, I'm saying it's okay to walk away from that. You know, because, like, your happiness, like, you're not the one in this act of addiction, and you're not a toxic.

[Trisha Paytas]

Spiral, and you're not, you know, a demon slayer. Like, you know, you're only a human. You can only do so much from.

[Tana Mongeau]

Where you're at, and you deserve happiness. You know what I mean? And that's what it is as well. You can only live for someone else's. You can only live for someone else to live for so long, you know, before it literally kills you and sucks the life out of you. So I just want to say I'm here for you, and I've been there. And, yeah, it's okay to walk away from that situation because you can't handle it anymore. And people oftentimes do eventually hit their own rock bottom and get help, and then you guys could end up walking off into the sunset. And that's the goal. And I'm hoping and praying that.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, yeah, people, sobriety, like, success stories are, like, so inspiring. Especially, like, ones with Academy. Like, that's so. Such an intense drug. And it's like. Like, when you can get through that, I think it's.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, it's possible. It is 100 possible. Like, absolutely. And, yeah, I mean, it definitely happens. Even Trevi, like, she's my best friend in the whole wide world, and she really struggled with that with ketamine specifically. And now she is, like, the most beautiful, blossomed, sober version of herself. And I missed her for years. Like, I. You know, it got to that point where I had to, like. Like, I tried everything, and she had to do things on her own terms, and we weren't close for, like, a year and a half, two years. Then we came back together, and we're stronger than ever. You know what I mean? And it's like. And she's such an inspiration.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Thriving.

[Trisha Paytas]

I love seeing stories like that.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. And it's like, oh, my God, every day I'm inspired by her because of that. So don't think it's not possible. But also, don't. Don't kill yourself trying, you know? We love you.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. I hope it works out for both.

[Tana Mongeau]

And you got this. And, yes, what's meant to be will be for the both of you. And, yeah, we love you. That's sad.

[Trisha Paytas]

Nice.

[Tana Mongeau]

I hate to do this to you. This is gonna be the saddest call of the day.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, no. It's like a sad episode. Are you sure? He said it's the saddest call of the day. I thought that was the saddest call today.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

That one wasn't. There's one that's sadder. Oh, my God.

[Tana Mongeau]

Well, listen, I mean, we are so lucky to be finally in happy places of our lives, you know, so.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. It's just. I know it's hard when, like, people are going through sadness, and I'm just like. I don't.

[Tana Mongeau]

I know. I know. It really is.

[Trisha Paytas]

It is, like, it's hard to tell someone, like, there's. There's hope, there's light, because.

[Tana Mongeau]

But we are two, like, very living examples.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Of, like, rock bottoms to, like, that.

[Trisha Paytas]

Darkness is a scary place.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Yeah. But, like, making it out of it, you know?

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. And, yeah, like, thank God, because there's, like, a better life.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I am, as much as, like, we joke about this show just being, like, yap and leopard print and, like, crumble cookies and, like, all of the things. It also is really cool that we have this community and, like, that Trisha and I can sit here after all of the things we've so publicly been through and, like, say that life does get better and to hold on, you know?

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, my God. Absolutely.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Thank you so much to SeatGeek for sponsoring today's episode of Not Loveline. We love you, seatgeek. Oh, let me tell you, I'm having FOMO of all these concerts, and I'm using seatgeek to get those tickets. I used to geek. The other day, I was like, I need to get my kids cocomelon tickets. Those things sold out fast. Not to mention My Chemical Romance playing stadiums. Okay. If you're seeing any of these on any social media, you're like, I need to go. Backstreet Boys at the Sphere. If you want to get up close, if you're a fan and be in the pit, go to SeatGeek today. So if you're looking to get those tickets, use not loveline. 10 for 10 off any tickets at Seatgeek. With over 28 million downloads, Seeking is the number one rated ticketing app. There are more than 70,000 events listed at Sea Geek, including concert, sports, sports festivals, and more. So there's something for everyone. Yay. Go sports. Yay. Go theater. Go see Rachel Zegler, Navita. There's just so much. There's something for everyone. It's the perfect gift. It's perfect summer activity. Okay. We deserve to have fun in the summer without stuff happening in the world. Let's just, like, let loose, have fun, sing our favorite songs at the top of our lungs. Okay? SeatGeek has your back. Each ticket is rated on a scale of 1 to 10. So you know you're getting a good deal. So look for the green dots. Green means good, red means bad. They also can tell you the best value, the best seats. It's wonderful. It's so easy to use. You get to ticket so fast. I just. I love seeking and every ticket is backed by their buyer guarantee. And you know we came through for you guys. You can use code not loveline10 for 10 off your next set of tickets at SeatGeek. That's 10 off your tickets with promo code. Not loveline10. It applies to everyone. If you use seatgeek before, if you're reusing seatgeek. If you're new to SeatGeek, not Loveline 10 will give you 10 off your tickets. So make sure you click the link in the description to download the app and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. Don't even think about it. Not loveline 10 for 10 off.

[Tana Mongeau]

Off.

[Trisha Paytas]

So use that code not leveling 10 for 10 off. It's a huge difference this day and age. These tickets are not cheap sometimes, but 10 off will take you a long way. So not loveline 10. Support the show. We love you guys. Thank you, seatgeek, for giving such an amazing code and thank you for sponsoring today's episode. We love you. Seeking.

[Tana Mongeau]

All right, Devin, give us this call.

[C]

Hi, Trisha. Hi, Tana. I'm currently sitting in my car waiting to pick up my boyfriend. We had a fight earlier this morning about him literally not having a phone. Dude, he dropped his phone in the water and yesterday at work and then we went to go get him a new one off of offer up. Keep in mind, he has no money, so I had to pay for it. He just got this job and he's been, like, living in my house with my grandpa rent free. And the only reason why he's there is because of me. And it's just like we've been having such a rocky relationship and I'm just so confused because it's just like.

[Tana Mongeau]

I.

[C]

Love him, but I'm like at the crossing point where I just can't handle it no more, where I just can't handle, like, him being, like, mentally abusive and always yelling and getting angry and taking it out on me or like little that it was just like, I don't know how to end things with him because if I do, then he's just going to end up homeless. And I just. I don't have the heart for that. I just need Advice. I don't know what to do. It's just, I'm like my breaking point.

[Tana Mongeau]

We love you. That is like, oh, I feel for her so hard. I feel for her, like, oh my God. So deeply. I'm like, devin, you were right. It's the saddest call of the day.

[Trisha Paytas]

And like never being in that exact situation is so hard to say, like, to give advice. I don't know. Obviously she knows. Obviously this guy is. If he's mentally abusive and all this like, awful.

[Tana Mongeau]

The way the call started off, I was like, listen, people make it out of rock bottom together. And sometimes like not having that money or feeling like you're just like, like in rock bottom with someone, it can cause tension and then you guys fight and then it's still like, no. Fight for the relationship. Fight for you guys, like, make it out like, I'm not. Some of these factors, you know what I mean? I. People and couples prevail from. But I think that if you are doing everything for someone to stay afloat and they are emotionally abusing you, that situation is not okay. And I think you should get out of it. And yeah, I know what that feels like. When it's like someone, this person's relying on me, so I'm gonna stay and tolerate this because they're relying on me and I'm a good person and I don't have the heart to put them out on the street. But you have to be aware that like your heart may not match his or like his trauma. It might not. He might have a good heart, but like if he's not treating you right, you have to go. And like that's. It's just like so hard because it's like he's an adult and if he has to go figure his life out and be out on the street or whatever, those are the consequences of his actions. He had a situation that was helping him, which was being with you. But if he's not like valuing that, you're not captain save up at the expense of your own mental health and well being. And it's going to be hard for a couple weeks, but this also might be exactly what he needs.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, right. You can't just like let him get away with this behavior and then also like house him. Yeah, it's like, no, we're doing you a huge favor. At least you do is be respectful like the 100. But also the fact that he's doing the most by being like, also just like abusive and stuff is like, you're right. You're absolutely right. Like, I feel like that just crosses the line. Like, it sucks and it, like, probably hurts her more than him to be like 100. But you, like, have to.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. And then it's almost like people in his position then become expectant and then you're like mommy to him. But then you're also like. Like, he's. Like, he doesn't value it and he doesn't respect it and he's being abusive to you. And like, yeah, I think he's a grown man and it's sounding like with the way that he is treating you that maybe being pushed out into the world on his own is exactly what he needs. And I think you need to stand on business and just imagine, like, with how big your heart clearly is. And this person will also make you feel like. I'm. I just can gather that if she's gonna kick him out, he's gonna, like, sob story it up. You're really gonna do this to me and yada, yada.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yes, I am for that. Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

You did X, Y and Z to me, and I am absolutely kicking you.

[Trisha Paytas]

Is he living with the uncle, Whoever is, he's living with, like, as your support, as your, like, backup, because you might, like, crumble and, like, get scared and, like, stand down. I guess the second part of her question was like, how, like, how do I. How do I leave? It's like, it's such a. Or how do I get rid of this situation?

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, how do you, like, because someone anchoring you down. I think you stand on business. On business.

[Trisha Paytas]

But, like, do you just, like, take their stuff out of their house? Like, I don't know the proper, like, protocol for this thing. Like, if he's living there, like, what do you do hard?

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, I do think that maybe you reach out to resources for proper protocol. I think, like, my advice to you is in this situation, I would, I would have that final straw of that one last thing. Maybe you give him an ultimatum if you really love him and you say if you do anything, X, Y and Z one more time, your stuff is going to be on the street and I will call the police. I. I'm not going to lie. I would skip the ultimatum and I would just say that now. I would say your stuff is going to be on the street and I will call the police and it's going to be the hardest two weeks ever, it's going to feel like. But then you will be out on the other side and he's going to learn things he needs to learn and Then you're not going to have to carry this burden. Like, I'm just imagining how heavy she feels right now with this anchor weighing her to the bottom of the ocean.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, she's like, crying and she's, like, waiting to pick him up. You know, you're already there, girl. You know, this is like your body is rejecting everything that's happening right now.

[Tana Mongeau]

Huh. And I think that you wouldn't make this call if you weren't aware. And I think a lot of times in situations, we feel like we're not strong enough to do it. But you are. You are strong enough to do it. To anyone out there listening right now, if you feel like you are not strong enough to do it, it, you are. And like, the you in 30 days is gonna be like, oh, that ate. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I ate. I wish I did it sooner. And now I'm out of this toxic cycle and I'm healing and I have maybe 50 more bucks to go buy a cute face mask with.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, it's. It's so one thing if you're taking care of somebody who's respectful and grateful and you guys make it out of the trenches together.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

But, like, how the are you gonna have nowhere to sleep and be emotionally abusive to me? You only get one.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

And even at that, you don't get one. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, yeah, his only. And like, you have to look at it as like he's mentally ill too. You know, maybe he doesn't mean that and he has a good heart, but he's got to get thrown out into the real world.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. These are consequences.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. There are consequences of his actions. You don't. You don't just get a roof over your head with the payment as love, and then you're not showing the love, you know? Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Even if it was like my own child and they're being like, abusive to. To me or someone in my family, like, you're out. Like, you just. Yes, it's like the worst feeling. But, like.

[Tana Mongeau]

But sometimes that is the only way. Because I'm sure that if you love and care about him, you want him to get his together and grow into a better person. It's the only way is like that harsh truth and diva. I think you know what you got to do and you are strong enough to do it truly. And you're going to be like, yes. You're going to feel so much lighter. I like so much lighter, baby. And there's so many men out There that will then end up repaying you. Like, you are so caring, you know, like, imagine all I want now is for her to, like, get taken care of and see the other side of it. And it's so there happen. It's so. Well, and I'm just proud of you for taking the first step to even calling us.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's true. You got awareness. A lot of people call in. No, I think they just need that, like a reassurance, you know, I think.

[Tana Mongeau]

This is you right now. You're the Take Care Bear and soon you're going to be the Funshine Bear Bear. I love that and I love you.

[Trisha Paytas]

That was a great analogy for our.

[Tana Mongeau]

Little Care Bear, you know? Yeah, she's the take Care Bear. And she deserves, like, she deserves some cheer bear, you know?

[Trisha Paytas]

I love a cheer bear.

[Tana Mongeau]

We love you. And you got this. I'm serious. Kick that grown man to the curb, say sink or swim, and he will probably swim and everything will be fine. It's not like you're putting a baby on the street. Word to Gabbie, Hannah, there's babies on the street. What?

[Trisha Paytas]

What?

[Tana Mongeau]

Remember when she said that about what.

[Trisha Paytas]

What babies?

[Tana Mongeau]

You'd have to ask Abby. I don't know what were on the. But there were babies on the street.

[Trisha Paytas]

I know so much. Gabby, Hannah, Lauren. I never heard that.

[Tana Mongeau]

She goes, I cannot sleep. There are babies on the street. But yeah, you're not.

[Trisha Paytas]

She ate with that. Cuz that is kind of probably true. Like just like homeless babies.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes, exactly. And like, he is not a baby on the street. He's a grown man on the street and like, hit consequences of his own actions. He shouldn't have treated you like. And I think you should stand on business. And I love you.

[Trisha Paytas]

I forgot about that era. Remember that guy broke into her house. House. Like, invited him in. But also like, he like, was being weird.

[Tana Mongeau]

That was like, oh, my God. And she was like on live. And it was crazy.

[Trisha Paytas]

It was real. That's so odd when you think about that era.

[Tana Mongeau]

I 100 think that was real.

[Trisha Paytas]

What do you mean? She's like, let him in to use the bathroom.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. That was so strange. I like, want to watch that live in the car again. But she's like slaying now.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, she. She's fine.

[Tana Mongeau]

She's a bar instructor or something.

[Trisha Paytas]

Love.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. And like, love that for her.

[Trisha Paytas]

I think about it from time to.

[Tana Mongeau]

Time and honestly, like, most iconic quote ever. There's babies on the street and she can't sleep.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's like kind of like woke.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. But yeah, Buddha, you got this. Call us back when you do and we'll get you to find a man who's going to take care of you tenfold. The universe will be repaying you. When you're being emotionally abused, like your whole idea of self, your whole addiction to those highs and lows of the toxicity, you're like, like walking on eggshells. It's the worst. And.

[Trisha Paytas]

And you kind of don't think about it. Cuz you don't think of abuse as like mental. He's not hitting me.

[Tana Mongeau]

Well, yeah. And am I crazy? And. Oh, he's really nice sometimes. And it makes up for it. Wrong. Bye. There's someone out there who will never spike your nervous system ever. To everyone listening right now. There's someone out there who will never spike your nervous system ever. In your friends and your relationships. Everything I'm so passionate about, I really am. I'm so passionate about that. Like, there is someone for you who will make you feel safe and seen and calm and yeah, we all deserve it.

[Trisha Paytas]

And if you're someone who spikes other people's nervous systems, you know, you can.

[Tana Mongeau]

Look in the mirror, get help.

[Trisha Paytas]

Because it can help. I was someone who probably was a little tumultuous back in the day, so.

[Tana Mongeau]

Me too.

[Trisha Paytas]

You know, get some help. Calm yourself.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's so true. That is actually so valid. Like, yeah, I think we've both also been that person and yeah, you don't have to be that person forever.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. Like I always thought this is just me. I'm just uncontrollable. That's my mental illness. But like you can like get help for it so you don't have to like destroy other people's lives.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes. 100. What would you say the biggest thing is that helped you.

[Trisha Paytas]

Truly at the beginning? Therapy. I still do it like once a week, but it's almost like my life is good. I don't need it. But at the beginning. And you should keep going even when life is good. I've been trying to do it more frequently because I'm like, no, things are good. I should do a check in. When I was at my rock bottom, I was going like five days a week. 2019. May 2019. I was going like five days a week because I like, could not control myself. I like, we were talking about this earlier, like looking at comments and being obsessed with like what the Internet said about me. It was something I could not break and it was making me spiral so much. And I would go to this therapist and I would, like, pay him every morning to be like, let's not look at your phone today. Let's go for a walk after this. Like, me go for a walk after talk. Let's call a friend. I'd call, like, Shane. This was the middle drum again. And he's like, watching James Charles crash out. And I was like, can I just be around you? Because I was, like, so scared to be, like, by myself. So he was, like, every day just telling me, like, things to do besides looking at my phone.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

And, like, it's, like, weird sometimes you need to hear from just, like, a complete stranger because, like, everyone in my life could tell me what was wrong. Like, stop looking at comments. Stop doing this. And it was like, just, like, this random guy in West Hollywood that I was like, he was a therapist, but, yeah, I need to message him. I really need to thank him. I only went to him for, like, a month, but he really changed my life.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, wait, that's really sweet.

[Trisha Paytas]

And I was going, like, five days a week, and I was, like, sobbing. I'm like, I can't control myself. Like, my life.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my God. He probably, like, sees you on Broadway thriving, and he's like, hell, yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

I know. I recommended my sister to him, like, three years ago, and she's like, I loved him. I love him. I need to, like, reach out to him.

[Tana Mongeau]

Wait, yeah, I might need his card.

[Trisha Paytas]

He's so good. And, like, his Instagram is so, like, friendly. And he's always just about, like, I love him. He's just.

[Tana Mongeau]

I honest. I want his contact. That's everything.

[Trisha Paytas]

I'm keeping. Like, well, I won't say what I typed in, but I was a gay therapist in, like, West Hollywood, and I was like, yeah, he came up.

[Tana Mongeau]

So that's so. I need a gay therapist. Oh, my God.

[Trisha Paytas]

So he was so good. Like, just so affirmative. Just so, like, validating everything. Like, I'm like, I know I sound crazy. I know it's this. And he was just, like, super validating. And I was like, I loved him. And it really was. He gave me, like, four simple steps. He's like, you need to get proper sleep. You need to get out and socialize, eat a balanced diet and get some, like, activity. It's, like, very simple things that you probably should do every day. But it, like, stuck with me as.

[Tana Mongeau]

I was saying this the other day, that for so long, I was in such a dark hole that I was so genuinely convinced that all of those, like, I would look at all of those advices as, like, Stupid. You know what I mean? I'd be like, a walk's not going to help me. A shower is not going to help me. Like, you know what I mean? Like, going and touching grass and sitting in nature is not going to help me. I'm so up in the head. And then when you start slowly implementing those things with consistency, you will see a difference. And I wish I just, like, gave up on my stubbornness towards those things.

[Trisha Paytas]

Crazy.

[Tana Mongeau]

And my ADHD paralysis. I wish I pushed myself to do those things more. Like, take that walk. Take a walk.

[Trisha Paytas]

That saved me in postpartum last year. So, like, I haven't walked lately, but I haven't been depressed. But, like, I know postpartum, I do feel like, oh, my God, my whole world's changed. I'm no longer myself. And when I go for those walks, oh, my God, it changed my life. Last, like, last postpartum, I was just like. I didn't feel like unaliving myself. I was like. And it was just going out for a walk. It's so crazy. And maybe walks are not for everyone. I love journaling. Like, whatever. It is something that you think is so stupid. Like, a lot of people think journaling, like, try it. Maybe it's not for you, but physical. Some physical activity or something is great.

[Tana Mongeau]

And like, oh, my God, I'm turning into the Hawaii. Because, like, nature, like, go stare at some trees and sit there and notice little. A little animal on the tree. Sit there and I'll watch Moa. Just. Just sit and pick shapes out of the clouds. And I used to be like, what? And then I started doing it with them, and I was like, oh, period. Like, you know, it's like I saw someone say on TikTok the other day, which is funny because it's exactly. What we're saying is to put the phone down. But they were like, take a walk until your day is interesting. And, like, at my lowest, seriously, like, stupid. That would just, like, stupid, you know, like, would help me so much.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's not stupid, because being on your phone. I love being on my phone. I'm on my phone all the time. But, like, being on it 24 7, especially if you feel like you're spiraling in any sense. Obviously, I was getting a lot of hate on the Internet. But even if you're not getting the hate, if you're comparing your life, you're seeing someone being so happy and in love and, like, having babies or whatever, like, comparison is kind of like the root of all evil, too. So it's like, you got to be really mentally well. And even me mentally well. I need to, like, watch myself to not be on the phone too much. Because you do. We were talking about this too. I was talking about something how I felt like the whole world. I just was like, I had so much anxiety. I had to put my phone down. And both of you were just like, didn't even know that was happening.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

And it was like. But it was so amazing. My chest. And I was like, the whole world, it's my. Everything I worked for is ruined. You're like, literally had no idea that was happening.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. It's like, there's just like such a whole wide world out there.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's happening and still moving and like, even just sometimes really sitting with your thoughts and like, clearing them, you know, sit outside and just think about all of the things until you clear them, you know, Nothing.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like when you can really be in a state of like, nothing's in your head. I try to do that before bed. I try and just, like, clear my mind. Like, no thought thoughts, you know, if that means, like, being present, counting your breaths, like looking at a Birds flying. Like, counting birds. Like, whatever it is. Like having zero thoughts is actually like the ultimate state of, like, nirvana almost. It's just like, wow. It's in and out. Sounds like spiritual whatever.

[Tana Mongeau]

But no, it's so true. I have been also trying to, like, do that. Just focus on something stupid before I go to sleep instead of ruminating. I saw someone say that for adhd to help sleep without, like, ruminating your thoughts. To think of a letter in the Alphabet and then just think of every word that you can possibly think of with that letter.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I've been doing that every night and not kidding, it's actually been changing my life. Like, instead of sitting up and thinking about, like, how I'm gonna die tomorrow because of XYZ or like, you know what I mean? Like, things I can't control.

[Trisha Paytas]

Worrying about what the Internet says about you.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes.

[Trisha Paytas]

Friends say about you. I was like, so worried about that. I'm just like.

[Tana Mongeau]

And it is just about practicing these, like, small things to eventually, like, come to a healthier mindset. On WhatsApp, no one can see or hear your personal messages. Whether it's a voice call message or sending a password to WhatsApp, it's all just this. So whether you're sharing the streaming password in the family chat or trading those late night voice messages that could basically become a podcast, your personal messages stay between you, your friends and Your family, no one else, not even us. WhatsApp message privately with everyone.

[Trisha Paytas]

With the Venmo debit card, you can Venmo everything.

[Tana Mongeau]

Your favorite band's merch.

[Trisha Paytas]

You can Venmo this or their next show. You can Venmo that. Visit venmo.me debit to learn more. The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp bank and a pursuant to license by MasterCard International Incorporated, the card may be used everywhere. MasterCard is accepted.

[Tana Mongeau]

Venmo purchase restrictions apply.

[Trisha Paytas]

How do we get there? What is that question? I love it though.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's like a 20 minute answer.

[Trisha Paytas]

We got like, so deep in this last episode. I'm like, wow, there's so much to be discussed.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm telling you, it's the comfy clothes. I'm not thinking about sequins in my.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's true. Comfy clothes. We ate. I just like, wow.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, I feel great. I got a fun one, though. Okay, we have a fun one.

[C]

Hi. Trisha and Tana. Both of you are so beautiful and amazing. So my question is. Well, first of all, let me give some backstory. I used to work at the Box as a bottle server. I feel like Tana has definitely been there. I don't know about Trish, but I wanted to hear your thoughts on it. Yeah, it was a wild place. I feel like it was definitely the Illuminati. Let me know if you agree. Love you guys. Guys, bye.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my God.

[Trisha Paytas]

Just a quick side note, I got an email and it was like the Illuminati was the, like, from the Illuminati.

[Tana Mongeau]

Did you open it?

[Trisha Paytas]

No. No. I guess it probably was like, so stupid. Like, I don't think Illuminati is like emailing people on their Hotmail account.

[Tana Mongeau]

I wonder if they are like, hello.

[Trisha Paytas]

We are the Illuminati. Like, I just saw the first thing and I was like, I don't think this is real.

[Tana Mongeau]

But also, if you got asked to join the Illuminati, would you?

[Trisha Paytas]

I don't know. I'm scared. They're like, listening. I don't want to say, like, no, no. I probably wouldn't, but I just avoid it. It. Yeah, it's like ghost for me. I don't believe in them, so they don't approach me.

[Tana Mongeau]

I kind of agree. I don't know if I fully believe in the Illuminati, but I guess we'll never know. But don't.

[Trisha Paytas]

Sometimes I don't. I don't find. If you want to join it, that's you I'm scared of everything. You know what I mean?

[Tana Mongeau]

So, yeah, I don't know. I'm sorry, but no, that was real. That was real, what you just said.

[Trisha Paytas]

The box.

[Tana Mongeau]

You've been.

[Trisha Paytas]

You were, like, gagged about it.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. The box is a. I would call it a sex club. Some people say it's more of, like, a performance art. There's one in New York and there's one in London. I don't know if there's any more.

[Trisha Paytas]

Is there intercourse involved?

[Tana Mongeau]

Allegedly. At some. Right. That's not what they. Like. It's no phones, and it's really, like, no phones. Like, you go in and you cannot use your phone. Like, there are people everywhere to make sure you can't. And they have these shows on stage and they're like. They're not hot. They're crazy. It's very much like, shock factor Final Boss. Like, I don't even want to, like, tell you some of the things I've seen.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, gross.

[Tana Mongeau]

Really? Like, yeah, like, very shock factor gross.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, why do people like it?

[Tana Mongeau]

We were just at the Box in London, and this girl took this, like, flag out of her vagina, and it was just going for, like, miles, and it, like, wrapped all the way around the club, and it was, like, all in her. Like, it's. Yeah, it's like, craziness and, like.

[Trisha Paytas]

And is it, like a. Okay, is it a kink or is it, like.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, I think it's like. Well, in New York, it's very much normalized as, like, a seriously popular nightclub, and people just love to go. Like, I'm sure there are people where it's a kink, but I would say the majority, like, just want to go and get drunk and, like, see some crazy.

[Trisha Paytas]

Okay. Okay.

[Tana Mongeau]

But it's so cool. There was, like, one year where.

[Trisha Paytas]

Thank you so much to Row for sponsoring today's episode of Not Loveline. All right. Getting in good health isn't just about physical appearance, about feeling good. It's about showing up for yourself, for others, for your family, for your co workers, for your job. We just want to feel our best, and Ro has you covered. If you're looking at GLP1s for options. If you want to know if your insurance is covering those kind of things for you, check out Ro. They'll do a free insurance check because let me tell you. Okay, Right? Just had my baby and I'm like, okay. I want to get the confidence back. I want to feel good again. I want the energy back. Okay? So I'm trying to figure out which ones, if any, are right for me. But the process of trying to figure out how much things are insurance, like insurance, you're on hold forever. Then they're like, we'll call you back. And then like, you have to fill it out here, go online, call the number. You're just back and forth. RO makes easy to see if your insurance covers it okay. With their insurance checker, you won't have to deal with all that hassle. Life is already complicated, and when your health goals take a backseat because of insurance complexity, it's easy to feel stuck. Rose Insurance Checker is built to unstick that moment. Free, simple, and built to help people move forward. Insurance can feel like a secret language with codes and copays that make reaching your goals harder than it should be. Rose Free Insurance Checker makes it simple to see what's covered and how to take the next step. Rose Insurance Checker lets you know if you're covered for GLP1s for free. Wonderful. A service, finally, that doesn't cost extra. You're already paying for so much stuff. It's nice to have something for free, right? Their insurance checker is completely free. If you want to see if you're covered, just submit your insurance card and RO will take care of the rest. No paperwork and no hassle. No waiting on hold. Rose Free Insurance Checker will send you a comprehensive report of your coverage details so you can make a decision that's right for your. In fact, nearly half of all ROE members have insurance coverage. If you decide to move forward, RO can help you understand if GLP1s like Ozempic and Mogovi are right for you and your goals. But that's just the beginning. When you become a RO member, you'll have support throughout the process. You'll have access to your provider on demand. For any questions, join over 500,000 people who trusted Ro to check their coverage for free. Go to Ro Co Notloveline for your free insurance check. That's Ro Co Notloveline to see if your insurance covers GLP1 for free. Go to Ro Safety for box warning and full safety information about GLP1 medications. Thank you so much to Ro for sponsoring today's episode of Not Love Lying.

[Tana Mongeau]

We lost one of our, like, best friends at the box. And you never want your friend to get lost at the box because you're like, where are they? What's going on? Wait.

[Trisha Paytas]

But I thought it was just like one stage. It's like a performance, but it's like a big club.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's a big nightclub, but other stuff happening around.

[Trisha Paytas]

Why are you scared if your friend gets lost?

[Tana Mongeau]

Because a lot of the, like, workers and performance people are there and they're roaming around. Like, it is kind of a darker environment. Like, it's not like light and happy. Like, I don't know, you just like, Just like. Especially like if your friends, like, really drunk, it's like, who did they leave with? Or like, you know what I mean?

[Trisha Paytas]

Like people out of the club or.

[Tana Mongeau]

Just the people there could have, like, take it. I don't know, whatever. But we ended up finding her, like, backstage with like all the workers. And like, it was like, Like, I don't know. I don't want to get banned from the box. I don't want to say too much, actually, because I do like it.

[Trisha Paytas]

Secret club. I've never heard of this.

[Tana Mongeau]

It's like, oh, my God. I mean, you could go. Like, anyone can go to, like, people wait in line for hours to go.

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, sounds like I won't come out. I feel like that sounds so scary.

[Tana Mongeau]

It is like, very intense and scary. But I think it's cool. Like, some of the things I've seen on stage. Like, I like the shock factor of it. I've always wanted to work there. So, like, she had my work there.

[Trisha Paytas]

She's like getting paid to be there.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Like, you get to see it every night. Like, Mako and I were just. We were just at the one in London and we were like dying laughing because, like, there'd be the security guy just like sitting there, straight face while this girl is like squirting out of. Yeah. I've seen people on. People on stage at the Box. God, there was like one show I saw where it was like a bunch of little people into condoms and then like shoving it back up inside themselves. Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, my God. I don't even know what to say.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, it's like wild. It's really wild. But like, I've always, like, thought it's so cool, the environment. I think they should have like a reality show. Not even about the show, but like the work environment. Because it is like a performance art. They all are like, they props and they have songs and then people sing like it.

[Trisha Paytas]

I'm like, speechless. I actually don't. It's like. Doesn't even feel like, real.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love the box. I don't know. I don't know.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's wild. Everything you just said and then just like. I love the box.

[Tana Mongeau]

I know. I know. It's just so crazy. Like there was this lady singing last time we were there, there. And her voice, like, she genuinely sounded like Whitney Houston. Like, she was so talented singing. Oh, and she. But she was singing. Jimmy, sorry, you're gonna have to bleep some of these words. But, like, most beautiful tonality singing Eating over and over again. She was, like, going, eating, but it was, like, beautifully sung. And you did it at my birthday dinner.

[Trisha Paytas]

But she wasn't doing any of that. She's just singing it.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, like, but she was walking around singing it while, like, people were just doing on stage. Like, I don't know. I just think it's like, what a weird. And they bring people up onto the stage, like, from the. The crowd at the club.

[Trisha Paytas]

And I'd rather open that Illuminati email.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, yeah. No, it's not for everyone.

[Trisha Paytas]

That just sounds wild. I don't know what to even say. It sounds fake. It doesn't sound real. Even.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, Makoa was really scared. My bodyguard Ray, he was really scared. Like, it was like, bring security.

[Trisha Paytas]

And that's pretty good.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, I had to bring him shout.

[Trisha Paytas]

Out to all the security at the venues because. Because it's like our shows or something when they do it on security and they're just like, what the. Probably like, I don't. What I love, though.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, I always think about that, like, some security guard thought they were going in for a regular concert, and then they see Trisha Paytas live Tanamojo.

[Trisha Paytas]

They're just like. Their ears are like this.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, but, like, because it is so much lore. You know what I mean? Like, I can't imagine watching the show with zero education on the lore. Well, either one of us, you know, like, that's nuts.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, no, for sure. When you, like, don't. Yeah, that's why I don't love when, like, anybody's like, oh, they want to come to your show. Like, if it's like a celebrity or something. And I'm like, I don't know. I love my show. I'm not about to, like, invite Ben Platt, who, like, sings beautifully at the Greek, to come to my show. Just being like, what is happening?

[Tana Mongeau]

I feel the same way. Or when people that you love, like, want to bring their partners, like, their wholesome partners. Like, oh, my God.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. You're just like, I don't know if that's the show. Luckily, the night I was in la, Beyonce was also in la. So so many, like, people that, like, I. Maybe they were like, I want to see your show. They were at Beyonce and I was like, thank God.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh yeah, the executives too. Like, oh my God. Hunter is dating Brittany Snow and she came to our New York show and I was Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile.

[Trisha Paytas]

With the price of just about everything going up, we thought we'd bring our prices down. So to help us, we brought in a reverse auctioneer, which is apparently a.

[Tana Mongeau]

Thing Mint Mobile unlimited premium wireless.

[Trisha Paytas]

30. 30. Better get 30.

[Tana Mongeau]

Better get 20.

[Trisha Paytas]

20, 20. Better get 20. 20. Better get 15. 15, 15, 15. Just 15 bucks a month. Sold. Give it a [e-mail] Switch. Upfront payment of 45 dollars for a three month plan equivalent to 15 dollars per month. Required new customer offer for first three months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes of network fizzy. Taxes and fees extra. See mintmobile.com this episode is brought to you by Stay Farm. Knowing you could be saving money for the things you really want, like that dream house or ride, is a great feeling. That's why the State Farm personal price plan can help you save when you choose to bundle home and auto bundling. Just another way to save with a personal price plan. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. It's summer time to enjoy long days, lazy nights and great food. Because Uber Eats has deals all summer long. So when hunger strikes, don't sweat it. Delicious deals are just a tap away on Uber Eats. Enjoy all your favorite grocery items delivered straight to you. Get ice cream soda and snacks from your favorite stores like Wegmans and cvs. And make the most of every moment. Now that sounds like a good summer order. Now on UberEats Terms, apply. Product availability varies by region. SIAP for details.

[Tana Mongeau]

Mortified.

[Trisha Paytas]

I cannot.

[Tana Mongeau]

I was mortified. I, like gave her a 30 minute preemptive apology before and then a 30 minute apology after. Like, I was like, I'm so, like, I'm so sorry you had to see that. I love you. You're perfect.

[Trisha Paytas]

Get it? And I like art. Like, love my show. Love. It's like so much fun. But like, yeah, if you're not in the lore, like, you're like, what?

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh my God. I just said she's like a perfect angel on earth. And I was like, I'm so sorry.

[Trisha Paytas]

The talented ones that are like mainstream talent, you're just like, I. What am I doing? I always thought I was like a really. A pretty good singer. I'm like, I'm pretty good. I could have been Ursula and like Little Mermaid and then I sang with Lizzo and I was like, oh, my God, this is like an actual life singer. I'm like, I definitely can't sing, but in my head I'm like, I should be getting the Lizzo rose. And then I see her. I was like, absolutely not. Like, this is the reason. She is like, a goddess and.

[Tana Mongeau]

But like, at the same time, like, your lore and the way you're so mesmerizing and entertaining on stage and all of those things is, like, unmatched. So together. It is just as good of a show.

[Trisha Paytas]

I don't know about that, but I have found a way to kind of, like, maneuver. I don't know how. Witchcraft. Witchcraft on Etsy or whatever you guys keep saying.

[Tana Mongeau]

Me too. I feel you. We're very lucky to have fans who understand us as deeply as, like, we understand ourselves in each other, you know?

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. If I didn't have that, I'd probably be at the box.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love same.

[Trisha Paytas]

Honestly, I'm there.

[Tana Mongeau]

I can't believe she worked there. That's like. That's. I did.

[Trisha Paytas]

She had a question. She was just like, more like, oh, she want to know your experience, take your thoughts on it's been there. Don't know about yours.

[Tana Mongeau]

I would, like, love to see you at the box. Maybe one day if we're ever in New York or something.

[Trisha Paytas]

I think there's nothing I'd rather not do.

[Tana Mongeau]

I know, but some of it's like, yeah, no, never mind.

[Trisha Paytas]

I really think I'm gonna say some.

[Tana Mongeau]

Of it's female empowerment, but it's all insane.

[Trisha Paytas]

Love it. No judgment. Probably would rather be in, like, a David Dobrik vlog than go to the box. That sounds terrifying.

[Tana Mongeau]

Equivalently.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, he should go there.

[Tana Mongeau]

Torturous. Yeah. Honestly, I don't know. Yeah. Like, there was this girl at one of the box shows that I saw where her whole job was just to keep taking a butt plug out of her butt and putting it in her mouth and then putting it back in her butt. Butt. And I was sitting there and I was like, how empowering. And then, like, everyone else I was with, like, didn't have that takeaway, and I was like, damn it.

[Trisha Paytas]

But that's kind of beautiful too. Like, different interpretations you thought was empowering.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, I just. And it was like, I don't know. I just think that stuff is so cool because it really almost does feel like a really, really up, like, Cirque du Soleil show. Okay. Cuz there are people doing, like, body contortionism and, like, different things and like, especially the clubs being in New York and London, those are both very free places to express art and creativity. And, like, it is a form of, like, creative expression and art to be so sexually freeing.

[Trisha Paytas]

And, like, I love that idea of almost like, destigmatizing the sexualness of genitals or something, you know? Like, I like that.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Like, that's what it feels like.

[Trisha Paytas]

I think you lost me on, like, poop and stuff.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, you're right. You're right. A lot of it is, like, shock factor. But I also like it because I feel like a lot of. Lot of sex clubs and stuff are more for, like, men.

[Trisha Paytas]

But no one's having sex here.

[Tana Mongeau]

I mean, it's not with the presentation. You know what I mean?

[Trisha Paytas]

Like, there are clubs that you go to have sex with people. Yes.

[Tana Mongeau]

I don't. Yeah, I feel like that's not the presentation of the Box. But I'm saying, like, I do feel like the Box is for the girls and the gays. It's not like. Like, a lot of the talent is queer, which is really cool.

[Trisha Paytas]

Love. Okay. Like, we support.

[Tana Mongeau]

You know what I mean? Like, even just like, there were these two gay guys who were just doing like, they were in, like, the sexiest, like, lingerie and they were doing, like, the craziest contortionism, like, crawling up each other and, like, bending. And like, even McCall was like, Damn. Like, it takes muscle. It's so impressive to do that.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

You know what I mean? Like, it's just like. But it's super cool. It's for the girls and the gays. The Box more so. Okay, so I like that.

[Trisha Paytas]

I love it too. I support that. Yeah, when you say that. Love it.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. But still, that's wild that she wants each other and I know she's seen some. I want to interview someone who's worked at the Box.

[Trisha Paytas]

So call me, girl.

[Tana Mongeau]

Email me. Seriously.

[Trisha Paytas]

I would love to hear it.

[Tana Mongeau]

Cuz imagine the lore of every night and, like, celebrities really go to the Box. Like me.

[Trisha Paytas]

Really? Yeah. It's like, I want to know about that. Like, crazy.

[Tana Mongeau]

Forget who they were talking about in London. They were saying some mainstream celebrity was just there. I forget who. They probably don't want to be exposed.

[Trisha Paytas]

Right?

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Love to see that.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, that's wild.

[Trisha Paytas]

Something like Rachel Ray or something.

[Tana Mongeau]

Imagine I was thinking about her yesterday. You keep reading my mind.

[Trisha Paytas]

Really? What were you thinking about her?

[Tana Mongeau]

Because gay Mo and I were having a conversation about growing up in, like, a turbulent household. But you watch the cooking shows. Yeah, to, like, Feel at home.

[Trisha Paytas]

A little comfort.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like no one whose parents love them knows about. Like, Barefoot Contessa.

[Trisha Paytas]

I love that. You know her. Frontier woman. Yeah. Pioneer woman.

[Tana Mongeau]

You just watch that stuff to be like, oh, I want that meal.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. You feel cozy. I feel like that with Reba's show. Like, she feels cozy to me.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my God. And that theme song. My roots. Our planet in the past, though my life is changing.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Who I am is who I want to be.

[Trisha Paytas]

Reba Survivor, song or no. Is that yes?

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes. That's the reason.

[Trisha Paytas]

Two jobs who loves her kids and never stops. I think they're coming back. I think they're filming again.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my God. I would live. I loved Reba.

[Trisha Paytas]

I loved Reba, too.

[Tana Mongeau]

She's seen every episode of Reba.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

Like, what is Reba McIntyre? Like, it feels like she's done no wrong. I'm sure.

[Trisha Paytas]

I feel like she might not have done anything promising, dramatic in her life. She has a show that's coming back.

[Tana Mongeau]

Called Happy's Place, and it's supposed to.

[Trisha Paytas]

Share similarities to Happy Place.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm excited. I love Reba.

[Trisha Paytas]

Anything Reba, I'm here for. I don't even know any of her songs. I just love her TV shows.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes.

[Trisha Paytas]

I only know that she had another one maybe in. Was it one in Malibu? Was she in, like, where she was, like, a mom Might not be Reba. I think it was, like, she had another show where she was, like, in Malibu.

[Tana Mongeau]

She's so good at that. Like, sitcom, comforting mom. Like, Reba feels like your mom. And you want Reba to be your mom because she's a little edgy.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. She gets it.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

She knows you're having sex and just wants you to be safe.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. For real. We love Reba.

[Trisha Paytas]

Malibu Country. I love that one. I love it. It was, like, so cozy. It was in Malboutine. They put these, had, like, a cozy house. I was like, oh, I love it.

[Tana Mongeau]

I love that Malibu Barbie. Like, also her name just being Malibu. Like, you know what I mean? Because, like, Malibu's great.

[Trisha Paytas]

Malibu's a safe space.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. Beautiful, relaxing. Like, it's almost manifold manifesting those.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. When we go. To be honest here, her name's just everywhere. You can get, like, Malibu. Everything on the shirt.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's so cool, too.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. I always wanted my kids to, like, be able to go places to get, like, stuff on there. Like, names on the shirts and purses.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I've never thought about that. That's so cool. As someone whose name is on genuinely nothing Unless I put it there.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yours is really? Yeah. I don't know if I've ever met another Tana.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah, like, I never. I was never getting that keychain growing up, ever.

[Trisha Paytas]

Damn. What is that?

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, my God. It's funny, Alex. Earl did this campaign for Hawaiian Tropic called Tana Sutra, and it was like, T A N A. Wow. And, like, everyone was just, like, tagging me in it and it was like.

[Trisha Paytas]

This, like, what is Tana Sutra?

[Tana Mongeau]

It was, like, for a tanning oil, and it's like Kama Sutra, like, saying it's, like, relaxing.

[Trisha Paytas]

Why do they pick Tana? What's it mean? Tana Sutra?

[Tana Mongeau]

Nothing. They, like, came up with that.

[Trisha Paytas]

Thank you so much to Tinder for sponsoring today's episode of Not Loveline. We're all looking for love.

[Tana Mongeau]

Love.

[Trisha Paytas]

Why not try Tinder? Meeting new people got way more fun. Because now you don't have to do it alone. Oh, I like the sound of this. Tinder's new double date features lets you and your bestie team up, match together, and find a pair that fits both of your vibes. Just tap the double date icon in the app and you'll see profiles built for two. When two pairs match, the whole crew connects and the group chat begins. How fun is this? Dating can be scary. It can be intimidating these days. And, you know, sometimes you're like, I don't want it to be so serious. I feel like this takes the pressure off. You can have a little fun. You know, it's a Friday night. Like, okay, you, like, let me scroll through yours. Let me scroll through it. No, we can scroll through together. With the double date and a group chat in the app. Heck, yeah. Sign me up. Well, if I was single. But to all you singles out there, you guys call in asking for advice. Let me tell you, this double date feature sounds like a winner, winner, chicken dinner to me. Double date is a new way to keep the chat fun and is a low pressure way to meet people. Scope the profile, send memes, keep the chat fun, keep the energy up when you're out together and laugh about it with all your best friends. Besties. Whether it turns into a fun memory or something more, it's always better when you're in it together. So try the all new Tinder double date because everything's better with friends. Explore all the possibilities. Tinder. It starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today. Thank you so much to Tinder for sponsoring today's episode. You guys, check them out. I like this new feature. They're with the new wave. We love you, Tinder Sue.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's what people were saying.

[Trisha Paytas]

Wait a minute, Tana. That's not it.

[Tana Mongeau]

I'm picking and choosing my battles. I want chili, please.

[Trisha Paytas]

I love it.

[Tana Mongeau]

Alex Earl looks hot with him.

[Trisha Paytas]

Can I tell you? Shout out to Mr. Emmy Ashton for co signing me for the domino sponsorship. So like it was a joke and I love that she knows it's a joke because people were getting mad at me. They thought I was coming from Ms. Remy Ashton for getting too many domino sponsorships. She gets a Domino sponsor once a week and I think it's the most iconic thing ever. She every single week is a domino sponsorship for like literally the past year. Like, and I love it for her. But people was like clocking me. They thought I was like being a hater about it. And I was like, no, I love this for her because I honestly, she influences me to buy a Domino's. So now people are tagging me. In her post, I comment I'm like buying a Domino's and immediately. And she responded last week to like dominoes get her a sponsorship. And I was like, yes. Yeah, she was such a queen. Cuz I was so upset that people thought I was being a hater. Cuz I love Ms. From Ashen literally more than anything.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

And it's obviously like a joke like that we always talk about like you do with thick chilies. Like it's like a joke that like everyone get sponsorships. Specifically Ms. Remy began all the dominoes and like I said, she eats. I wanted Domino's when I see her, but the fact that she cosigned me to get that, I was like, I.

[Tana Mongeau]

Love women like that.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yes, me too.

[Tana Mongeau]

Genuinely wanting other women to win. It's so nice.

[Trisha Paytas]

No, and I'm, I'm all about that. If I see domino sponsorship and every time she gets one, I get so many tags and I love it so much. And I hope Domino's response is hers for life, honestly, because she's such a queen. But I just realized.

[Tana Mongeau]

You took off the wig.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah, my head has swollen.

[Tana Mongeau]

I was like, where's the pig?

[Trisha Paytas]

That's why I put a little hat on. I didn't know what my hairline was looking like, so I was like, let me just put a little.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's so funny.

[Trisha Paytas]

I just had swollen.

[Tana Mongeau]

Is that all your real hair? Pregnancy swells your head.

[Trisha Paytas]

It's like 27 inches right now. My head. It's so humongous.

[Tana Mongeau]

Oh, you know, because of the wigs. I was like, why do you Know that?

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, yeah. Because I had to keep getting bigger wigs. I'm like, my head is growing so much. No, I'm officially the biggest influencer head. There was one influencer who had a bigger head than me that wore wigs. And I always, like, took solace in that. I was. Was like, finally, someone else has a bigger head. And, like, you officially surpassed this person.

[Tana Mongeau]

And I was, like, ever once thought, wow, Trisha has a big. Like, you don't have a big head.

[Trisha Paytas]

To me, you wouldn't think so, but it's actually ginormous. Like, measure your head tonight. I bet it's like, can I, like, 20? Yeah.

[Tana Mongeau]

I don't feel like you have a big head.

[Trisha Paytas]

Measure yours tonight. I need to know exactly what your circumference is. I bet it's like, maybe 18 inches or something. My, like, 28.

[Tana Mongeau]

I also have a big head. I don't think you do, but I don't think you do also, so I don't. I hate that I just said. I also. I want to go back to 10 seconds ago.

[Trisha Paytas]

I didn't even know I hallucinate at this point.

[Tana Mongeau]

That's fine. It's fine. You don't have a big head.

[Trisha Paytas]

We need to wrap it up like a condom.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes. And speaking of wrapping it up like a condom, we're gonna go over to the Patreon.

[Trisha Paytas]

We're gonna talk about all the condoms.

[Tana Mongeau]

And now I got my big sweatpants on. Y' all don't even know what I'm gonna do over there. Okay, I got rude.

[Trisha Paytas]

Do a sequel to Jacob Sartorius song sweat shirt and call it you can.

[Tana Mongeau]

Wear my Please don't wear my sweatpants, Cuz I spilled all over them and probably bled into them. Okay, we should go.

[Trisha Paytas]

Where is Jacob Sartorius? Is he the rod?

[Tana Mongeau]

I like, I want him to date Kayla Malik. They have a podcast together, and I ship it. Right.

[Trisha Paytas]

That's where I heard that name. It just, like, popped in my head. Millie Bobby Brown. Did he date someone? Tell me. Yes, Allegedly. I don't know. And I was like, that's wild. But also good for him.

[Tana Mongeau]

No, not even, like, allegedly. Like, they full on data.

[Trisha Paytas]

Love that.

[Tana Mongeau]

And like, on you, I'm gonna go out and say, that sweatshirt is, like, the greatest song of all time.

[Trisha Paytas]

I don't know about that.

[Tana Mongeau]

When you go to sleep at night, right? There's, like, amazing songs.

[Trisha Paytas]

There's Ordinary by Alex Warren for 2700 weeks on the number one charts.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yeah. You know what? Jacob's next. I believe in it. Anything can happen. I think Alex would co sign that. Maybe they should do a future. Yeah. I want Kayla to feature on a new sweatshirt. I think that'd be so viral. I was telling him that would be every if you did a new sweatshirt, but it was her being like, I'm wearing his sweatshirt.

[Trisha Paytas]

I have a whole dream for them now. I'm wearing his sweatshirt.

[Tana Mongeau]

Yes. Come on, Kayla. Do it for me.

[Trisha Paytas]

I love it. Okay.

[Tana Mongeau]

All right. We'll be over on the Patreon talking about not sweatshirt, not Loveline, not sweatshirt. We love you guys.