MAKING MORE MONEY THAN YOUR MAN 💲💰 + DID I REALLY CHEAT?! 😭 | NOT LOVELINE Ep 63

Summary

Not Loveline Ep. 63 — “Making More Money Than Your Man 💲💰 + Did I Really Cheat?! 😭”

Hosts: Tana Mongeau & Trisha Paytas
Date: March 23, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of Not Loveline delivers a classic “callathon,” with Tana and Trisha aiming to answer as many listener questions as possible—touching on topics from being a female breadwinner, alone time in relationships, body image in the age of social media, divorce and rediscovering yourself, mom-friend drama, military long distance, and what to do when your partner encourages you to cheat (!) and then flips the script.

The hosts bring their signature blend of humor, candor, and chaotic-but-heartfelt advice, bouncing between playful banter and deeply empathetic responses, while fiercely championing self-worth and the complexities of modern relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Being the Female Breadwinner in Relationships

([11:01–17:21])

• Pressure & Societal Judgment: Both Tana and Trisha discuss the stigma around women making more than their male partners. Tana notes:

  "I do think there’s a lot of societal, almost damnation, for being the breadwinner as a female. And…what society says about the man if he’s not. And I just don’t think that it’s fair or it’s true." (11:09–11:31)

• Resentment and Value:

  • To avoid resentment, the non-breadwinning partner should “pull their weight” in other ways, like emotional support, home life, childcare, etc.
  • Trisha shares that her husband Moses gave up his career to help her pursue hers, encouraging a 50/50 mentality:

    "I would gladly give him 50% because he’s built me up, built us up into what I have and everything now." (15:14–15:33)

• Communication and Balance:
  Tana reflects:

  “Making all the money doesn’t always mean you’re a great partner. …Just because you’re the breadwinner…it doesn’t mean you can just slack off and not help.” (16:02–16:24)

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2. Feminism, Politics & First Gentlemen

([06:03–09:54])

• Playful caller asks if Tana should run for office & what the hosts think about a female president.

• Both lament the lack of female leadership in U.S. history. Tana hopes:

  "In our lifetime, I hope we see a First Man—a woman in office and a first man." (07:13–07:23)

• They muse on celebrity dream-candidates (Billie Eilish, Cardi B), the importance of humble beginnings, and the kind of leadership they'd admire.

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3. Navigating Alone Time vs. Couple Time

([20:03–24:19])

• Caller feels guilty for planning a solo trip and her boyfriend’s hurt reaction.

• Trisha normalizes needing "me time":

  “He just wants to be with you…But you should definitely normalize getting your alone time if you want it to.” (24:09–24:17)

• Tana suggests incorporating independence and personal rituals into daily life, rather than relying on “band-aid” big trips.

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4. Divorce, Rediscovery, & “Getting Your Pink Back”

([24:24–29:34])

• A listener going through a divorce after her partner comes out as bisexual and requests an open relationship.
• Both hosts urge taking time to rediscover yourself, develop hobbies, and not rushing into dating.
• Tana advises:

  “After something for so long, you have adapted to this version of yourself…Now you are in this era where you are, you know, diving into a completely new version of yourself.” (27:08–28:28)

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5. Making Mom Friends & Navigating Mom Cliques

([31:06–34:54])

• Caller struggles to form connections with other moms.

• Trisha emphasizes patience, mutual interests, and not forcing friendships:

  "I desperately want a mom group too…I do all the things…but you can’t really force things like that. You’ll find it. Sometimes it just takes time, the right fit, the right activity.” (31:10–31:58)

• Tana suggests being more proactive, vulnerable, and “doing the awkward thing” to break the ice.

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6. Body Image, Confidence, and the Pressure to Lose Weight

([37:18–44:29])

• Caller voices frustration with loving her body, yet feeling compelled by society to change:

  "Why do you think it is that I like how I look, but I have let society make me believe I need to lose weight and I’m unhealthy and disgusting?" (37:18–37:57)

• Trisha commiserates:

  "No matter what, no matter how confident or happy you are, those comments will always make you think, ‘Okay, I should’…It’s something we’re just conditioned to think about or do and it’s so annoying.” (37:57–38:43)

• They discuss the futility of chasing ever-changing beauty standards, and offer reframing exercise and food choices in terms of health and well-being, not aesthetics.

• Tana:

  “Society literally does not want us to feel beautiful. They want us to be this malleable consumer who hates ourselves.” (39:24–40:01)

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7. Sick or Vulnerable Partners: Staying or Breaking Up?

([47:20–53:12])

• Listener wonders if she should break up so her boyfriend can have a “better” (non-sick) partner.

• Tana counsels:

  "A lifelong partner is not just there for the highs…A lifelong partner is there for the lows and for all of you and who you are." (48:27–50:26)

• Trisha adds:

  "The souls bond even closer in moments of stress or turmoil… If he’s trying to be there, you need it too, and you deserve it." (50:26–51:32)

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8. “Did I Really Cheat?”—When Boundaries Get Blurred

([57:24–61:14])

• Caller’s (ex-)fiancé encouraged her to sleep with a friend, then called her a “disgusting cheater” and publicly shamed her online.

• Tana is blunt:

  "You are NOT a disgusting cheater. If someone asks you to do something and then you go do it, that is A, B, C, D. That is one plus one equals two. There is no miscommunication there.” (58:10-58:46)

• Both agree the ex’s behavior is manipulative, a red flag, and she should feel zero guilt.

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9. Long Distance & Military Couples

([61:26–64:40])

• Caller’s in military, facing another 5 months of separation.

• Tana:

  “If you know for a fact that there is no one else out there and that this is your soulmate, then be as strong as you can. Use this time to start a side hustle, find friends, be passionate about as many other things…” (63:21–64:16)

• Both express admiration for military couples and acknowledge the unique strength this lifestyle requires.

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10. Bath Hacks & Self-Care Rituals

([53:14–56:54])

• Callers ask for favorite bath hacks; the hosts gush about Lush bath bombs, setting a “mood” with music and candles, making small self-care rituals into moments of joy, and the importance of “romanticizing your life” especially during hard times.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Women as Breadwinners:

  "Anyone can make money. To me, that’s like, the least…as far as my checklist goes…I realized how much I value everything else, and money is actually the last for me because I’ll always make money. I’m so good at making money." — Trisha (12:44–13:25)

• On Body Image:

  "It’s just a never-ending cycle. Like, big butts are on, big butts are gross, like, it’s just…a body type should never be ‘in’." — Tana (40:01–40:10)

• On Alone Time vs. Feeling Guilty:

  "He just wants to be with you…But you should definitely normalize getting your alone time if you want it to.” — Trisha (24:09–24:17)

• On Divorce Discovery:

  “Who am I as a single person? Who am I as this new version of myself? What do I like to do?...that is the best way to get your circle back, I swear.” — Tana (28:28–29:13)

• On Toxic Relationship Dynamics:

  “Men are so stupid. I tried to be positive this whole episode…but this is one of those calls where all I know to say is how stupid. You asked her to do that…then you…try to ruin her life? What a narcissist!” — Tana (59:29–59:49)

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Timeline of Important Segments

• [01:05]: Societal pressure on women as breadwinners
• [06:03]: Who would the hosts like to see as a female president?
• [11:01]: Deep dive into being a female breadwinner and division of labor in relationships
• [20:03]: Navigating solo trips and the guilt of needing space in relationships
• [24:24]: Life after divorce, rediscovering oneself, dating as a longterm partner newly single
• [31:06]: Making mom friends and the clique-iness of parenting groups
• [37:18]: Loving your body but still feeling social pressure to change it
• [47:20]: Illness and whether you “owe” breaking up to spare your partner
• [53:14]: Bath time hacks for self-care and relaxation
• [57:24]: Partner shaming you after encouraging open boundaries
• [61:26]: Coping with long-distance, especially in the military

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Tone & Style

• Warm, supportive, irreverent, and unfiltered.
• They err on the side of radical empathy, but never lose their penchant for brutal honesty or playful sarcasm.
• Both hosts interweave their personal experiences with listener questions, always finding a balance between practical advice and affirming emotional validation.

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Final Thoughts

“Not Loveline” Ep 63 is a quintessential episode: a rapid-fire, emotionally wide-ranging call marathon that doubles as a love letter to all the “girlies” and LGBTQ+ folks navigating the messy realities of modern love, self-worth, and friendship. Tana and Trisha remind listeners (with plenty of laughter) that their struggles are valid, their boundaries sacred, and their individuality worth celebrating—no matter what society, boyfriends, or even dear old Instagram might have to say.

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For More:
Call into Not Loveline with your own dilemma, or visit their Patreon for extended episodes and behind-the-scenes Q&As.

Transcript

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Disney wants to know, are you ready for Marvel Studios Thunderbolts the New Avengers, now streaming on Disney plus. Let's do this. One of the best Marvel movies of all time is now streaming on Disney plus.

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Hey, you weren't listening to me.

[B]

I said Thunderbolts the New Avengers is now streaming on Disney plus. Meet the New Avengers. That's cool. Then Marvel Studios Thunderbolts the New Avengers, rated PG 13, now streaming on. You guessed it, Disney Plus. I do think there's a lot of societal almost damnation for being the breadwinner as a female.

[A]

It's society is the franchise epic of it all. Everyone just needs to be so skinny. I'm the exact same way. I'm, like, so happy. Love my life. Love my pasta that my husband cooks me every night. And like, yeah, but people are like, you should eat that much pasta. You should just each lose weight.

[B]

You are not a disgusting cheater. If someone asks you to do something and then you go do it, that is A, B, C, D. That is one plus one equals two. Like, that is. There is no miscommunication there. There's no not.

[A]

Hello, welcome to Not Loveline. We're gonna take so many calls. We're gonna take. I think we're gonna take 30. This.

[B]

We're gonna have a call a thon. I think we're gonna take 74 right now.

[A]

74 is your bet. Okay.

[B]

I'm so happy. These are always just the best days, no matter what.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I also just want to say that, like, raiding Trisha Paytas's closet is always. Look at this robe. You guys, like, just looks good on you. I feel like I'm like, oh, my God. Like, I'm cussing out my. My, like, rich, old dying man.

[A]

I didn't even know I had this. And I saw it on. I was like, I love that. I'm gonna start wearing that more often. It looks so good on you.

[B]

So cute. I cannot wait to see you in it. I just. I brought two outfits today, and I was like, oh, I'll borrow something. Like, you're the best.

[A]

We're the same size But I love it. I was like, whatever. I love it.

[B]

I'm obsessed with you.

[A]

You look so good.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I'll get us more matching sets.

[B]

Oh, I feel like you probably. Sorry.

[A]

I love a matching set.

[B]

I feel like you probably realistically have 50 matching sets for us here, but you're just like, me. Like, just stuff everywhere. We don't know where.

[A]

I'm getting an organizer next week. I mean, I have the organizer coming back.

[B]

And honestly, I also always forget because I have. I love online shopping, and I need to just remember to do stuff for us and, like, get us cute. I know.

[A]

It's like, we are so much here, and then, like, once we get out of here, it's like we do so many other things. This is like a bubble, because there's, like, no windows or anything.

[B]

So we're, like, in a bubble, and

[A]

then once we're out, the not, like, one bubble.

[B]

It's like, the not Loveline bubble, though, is my absolute favorite bubble. Like, I will say there's also nothing other than, I guess in Hawaii if I have no cell phone service, where I don't. There's nothing in L. A. Where I don't use my phone all day. Like, I just love coming here because it's like, I leave to 50 texts, like, people meeting everything and stuff. But in the moment, it's like, sorry, like, you can't reach me.

[A]

Grilled cheese burritos.

[B]

And Amari's here. Meg's here if it's an emergency. But I'm.

[A]

I'm in the same. Yeah, you know, same. Yeah, well, I'm, like, literally in my house, so they need me to come down, but here we are. We're gonna answer questions. You guys go to patreon.com. not today. If you want to see extended podcast episodes, we'd love to see you guys over there. Plus, we do Q&As with our boyfriends and friends. Go check it out. It is a good time. All right, let's take a call.

[B]

I'm excited. I'm ready. Devin, you had this idea a while ago where he caps our answer at a timer. Should we actually do, like, a callathon where, like, we take the call and we. He gives. Yes, Max.

[A]

But we can try and do it even quicker.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because we just want to take as many calls as we can because we want to help as many people. Yes.

[B]

And I'm honestly so excited. I love the calls, and I miss the calls, but I also love the app, so, you know, duality.

[A]

Duality. We'd love to see it. Get a girl who can do both.

[B]

Yes. Yeah. Obviously, it's okay if we go over five minutes, but us, we love Devin because he keeps us yappers on track. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. For the most part. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

He tries, but it's hard. We're two. Very, very. We're. We're two forces, you know, Two forces of nature. We come together.

[A]

And the app is tornado is real twisted te.

[B]

We're the twisted tease. We're the tornado. There's so many things. Get a call. God, you look so good. No, but this hair.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

You can have it. Damn.

[A]

Like, look at matching wigs.

[B]

And I never want to be a part of the go brunette propaganda. Okay. But I'm looking at this right now, and I'm like, should we go brunette? It's that kind, so good call.

[A]

What wigs can you use? Number.

[B]

Yes. I'm getting that exact wig, by the way. Like, I don't want. I don't want it an inch different. It's so perfect.

[A]

If I could just order it, take it out of the not lying in my budget when we do the deduction.

[B]

We love doing that, by the way. Taking shopping out of the not Loveline budget. We're obsessed.

[A]

Your account is just, like, minus a Gucci bag. Minus this.

[B]

Yeah. She's like, what?

[A]

She's so good, though. She's like, you said an extra 2,000. I was like, wow, thank you for being honest. I'm like, all right, next month we'll

[B]

just send less scamming you over at the money.

[A]

She could have been just, like, first. I would never. I shouldn't say that. I would never know. I'd be like, I don't know, but I would never know.

[B]

I get that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm bad with finances. I am.

[A]

I'm, like, pretty good when it comes to others, but for some reason, I guess I just sent an extra because usually, like, the first. I'm trying to send any.

[B]

Well, thank you for the extra 2,000.

[A]

We'll deduct it for the wigs.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Me just, like, deducting the wrong things. Like, we'll deduct it or add it or I don't know. Anyways, I do do good accounting. All right, let's go. Your accountant double checks with me. Me being like, I don't know, math, and I'm doing. We are business. We swear.

[B]

We swear.

[A]

I can't. All the paperwork just to be sure. I was like, okay, you can double check me.

[B]

I can't. Long divide.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

But I'm ready to give advice. I'm feeling spunk. You're in delirious hours.

[A]

It's delirious. This wig has been on since literally 4am in 100 degree heat, and it is now like 9pm and I'm like,

[B]

if the Olympics is adding a sport, like something with wigs could be so seriously real. Because, like, having a wig on for long time, it does something to you.

[A]

It's no joke. Especially with like the glue and the braids. Everything is just like suctioned in there. But it's keeping all my thoughts in my head.

[B]

Yeah, Honestly, that's like, that's why I need to start wearing it.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Hi, Chris and Tana. So this is for all of you guys. Truly, I love Trisha's like, political era, but Tana, I really need you in the White House. And obviously because I love you, but more so because I need Makoa to be the first man. Can you picture Makoa as the first man? Oh, my gosh. Everyone gets free surfing lessons. I have so many ideas. Anyways, I love you guys and yeah, thank you.

[B]

First of all, we can definitely answer this one in under five minutes. We love you too. I will say that you and your entire for office thing, I know that you have decided that you were just kind of saying that and you want to like, maybe it's a later in life thing, but it made it to the wrong side of the Internet. And you know, I completely understand where you're coming from on that. We do not need to see me in the office. Office. We can see me in the office in like a fun blazer, but I don't know about anything more than that.

[A]

Maybe like a bill. You go pass a bill.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Ally and AJ Just did that. You can do a little bill passing.

[B]

Yes. And I think that that's so amazing. Like, all jokes aside, using our platforms for the things that we care about, especially in today's society. But and I will say that I liked the overall sentiment there that we do in our lifetime. I hope we see a first man. I hope we see a woman in office and a first man.

[A]

I can't believe it's not happen. Actually.

[B]

That's literally. It's mind blowing. So insane. We've never, ever, ever seen a woman as president.

[A]

We think we're so progressive and we're like, wow, we really never had a woman. And really no one besides Barack Obama that wasn't Caucasian. Like, that's the craziest thing. Like, what are we still in like, The Abraham Lincoln 1800, that was our first president, George Washington.

[B]

But damn, like, I really, really, really genuinely hope that we, you know, get to see those things in our lifetime and hopefully soon, you know. Who. Who would you love to see as a woman in office? And I don't necessarily even just mean out of the range of politicians, but just people.

[A]

I do love a chapel round. I do love her message, her beliefs. I trying to think who else? We were just talking about Jackie Aina, and I, like, love her, like, rules for her house. And I just feeling like she can, like, run a tight ship. I think she'd be like, such a good president. Billie Eilish. Okay. All right. I know nothing about her, but I'm just gonna support you. Thoughts?

[B]

Billie Eilish was actually a really good shout. Like, her advocacy and just like, how. How much she is unafraid in rooms that she. A lot of people would be afraid in. Who else? Who else?

[A]

I think he would be good. And not even in a satirical way. I think you're like, you. You do have your, like, hand on the hand on the pulse.

[B]

Finger on the finger on the pulse.

[A]

The finger on the pulse. Why do I mean that? It's like you're checking for someone if they're alive or dead.

[B]

Yes, yes, yes.

[A]

That's so funny. Like, why do they say that?

[B]

That's so weird, because it really doesn't relate to the actual. What the analogy means. Like, I guess they're saying the pulse of, like, society.

[A]

But you do have your finger on the pulse. You're definitely, like, smart. You're giving L Woods. You're smart, but you can be unassuming, which is kind of good, is what we need and stuff like that. You know what I mean?

[B]

Like, I would love to see Cardi B in office.

[A]

Okay. Does she have. I don't know her. Anything about her?

[B]

I think that Cardi b would like, even just her in that court deposition. Like, you know what I mean? And, like, she might say it in a Cardi way, but she's speaking facts and, like, I would love to see that. I would love. And especially with what Nikki's doing right now, not to compare them at all, but I'm just saying, like, I could see Cardi B on just like. And I would just see you're fighting for, like, what's right. I don't know. I don't know.

[A]

I like someone with humble beginnings. And I feel like that's, like, what you need as president.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

Not just someone who was just like, yes. Brought Up Nepo style.

[B]

Yes, I agree with that. I think. I think I'm gonna shut up now. I think. I think that that was our.

[A]

Was that five minutes? Okay, Three minutes.

[B]

And thank you for the call. And that was very sweet. I think McCall would find that very sweet. But if he was in office, he'd probably just tell everyone to smoke a joint and chill out.

[A]

That's what she wanted. Sheik, Free surfing lessons. We'll take it.

[B]

Yeah. A lot of Makoa's ideals really should be applicable to modern day society. You know, like, just. Just chill out.

[A]

Just chill out. That's your running platform.

[B]

That would be his.

[C]

Hi, Trish and Tana. I'm not gonna say my name because sometimes I listen to the podcast while I'm, like, getting ready in the morning. And, like, what if my husband hears? Whatever. Anyways, I was just wondering how y' all navigate being the more, I guess, wealthy partner in the relationship? Like, I mean, neither one of us are wealthy, but, like, I make more. Like, how do y' all navigate being the breadwinner? And how do you not get, like, kicked off? Because it feel like, oh, my God, I'm buying everything. I'm making sure that, like, the mortgage is paid and I'm taking the dogs to the vet. I'm buying the groceries every week. Like, how do y' all not have resentment? Like, and I feel like, oh, my gosh, sometimes it's so difficult, and it's like, God, I love you and I want to provide everything, but sometimes I'm like, I'm just a girl. Why am I providing everything?

[B]

Okay, God, this is a question that I feel like I could answer for, like, an hour and a half. You know what I mean? The five minutes will be. This is the opposite of the last one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, I feel like we both, you and I talk about this a lot, too. I do think there's a lot of societal almost damnation for being the breadwinner as a female, and then, like, what society then says about the man if he's not. And I just don't think that it's fair or it's true. I think I could speak for both of us and say that we love to work and we love our jobs, and I think I would be that person in any relationship I was in, no matter if I was with someone who was a grillionaire or with someone who. Who had 4 cents. Like, that is just who I am, you know, to the core. And that will never change. So a lot of sometimes. But I do get what you're saying with resentment, I think that you have to ensure that your partner is pulling their weight in other ways. Like, I think that adding your financial weight, that's an important thing to do. But I also do not add the responsible weight. I do not add the, like, taking care weight. I think that because of my job and all the things I do, I need a lot of emotional care to be taken there. There's a lot of other moving parts that need to. You know, even, like, Moses, like, all the moving parts, he's gonna take care of the kids and just help in so many ways that there has to not be a power imbalance there. People have to hold their weights in other ways, and I think that that's really important. And, yeah, I don't. I think that if someone is pulling their weight for you in so many ways that have nothing to do with financials, that it's very easy to then not have resentment because they are still bringing value. Their value is just as the high as yours, just in a different way.

[A]

Yeah, like, are they taking care of you? That's so well said. I think financial, like, anyone can make money. I'm like, anyone can make money. To me, that's, like, the least as far as my checklist goes. And it wasn't always like that. I always thought, I need a rich man. I need a rich man. But it's like, when I met Moses, I realized how much I value everything else, and money is actually the last for me because I'll always make money. I'm so good at making money. I don't need someone. I thought I did because I was like, I never want to work, but that's so not true. Like, I want to work. I love working. And in order to be my best self, the reason I thrived. And a lot of people have been saying that lately, like, in my career, like, wow, you're really doing everything and you're out there. And it's like, because I have stability at home, I have someone taking care of. Literally, everything would switch me. What you call the feminine right is like, I can really just be myself. I can just do a podcast. Moses set me up a podcast. Can you start the cameras? Can you do this? And it's just like, he's, like, just a really supportive husband. And obviously he had his own career when he met, and he, like, did give that up to, like, help me pursue mine. And then now where it's, like, ours together with our family. So he's taking care of, like, the

[B]

kids do that all the time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Women give up their careers to help support a man all time. There's such a, like, societal thing. And don't get me wrong, I do still think that it is attractive to be with someone with passion and with drive and with, you know what I mean, talent and with making money. And like, all of those things are still important. But there is nothing wrong with being the breadwinner so long as. Because here's what I will say. If you're the breadwinner in a relationship with a man that doesn't carry his weight, or if you're the breadwinner in a relationship with a man that's kind of just subpar, you are going to bleed that resentment into that man. Right? Like, because then it's like, well, I just made all this money and like, you can't even, like, tell me I look beautiful today. Or you can't even, like, pack my suitcases and carry them. Or you can't even, like, do these things. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it, it is a very easy way in all relationships, if you're the breadwinner and the other person isn't and they're not holding value in another way to then place that resentment of financials onto so many other things. So you have to make sure that you. Their value is equal in a way that's different. And that's for all genders and all things. And don't let society, like, get to you. And you're sitting here and you're saying, I'm just a girl. And like, I don't. Maybe I don't want to work. And like, I would joke about that, but when I really sit and deeply think about it, yeah, it's not true. And I don't feel that way. If you really do feel that way, then maybe that's something that you have to like.

[A]

Definitely. Yeah, definitely. If you don't like it, then that's

[B]

a whole other thing.

[A]

Like, if, like, I don't want to be the one doing all of this. Like, yeah, for me, I always see comments like, Moses or my things being like, well, what do you do for Moses? Like, they, like. Because I just list everything he does for me and it's like, yes, like, obviously, like, I'm doing like, all the hustle and stuff like that. But in order to do that, like, obviously Moses hustling with me. But it's so funny how people would be like, what do you do for Moses? And it's like, yeah, there is that. I think we're so 5050. Like, to me it's like we, we didn't have a prenup because I was just like, what? I had no money at the time. I was like, what am I even going to pay for the prenup with? Because I was so much debt. But two, it's like, even if something happened, I would gladly give him 50% because he's like built me up, built us up into like what I have and everything now.

[B]

That's really sweet.

[A]

Yeah. You gotta see if you. If it. Yeah. You don't want resentment. The resentment will kill the relationship. Like if you have any sort of resentment. Like. And yeah, that'll. That'll kill it. 100.

[B]

So just figure out, make sure that their value is equal to what your value is, you know? And also, making all the money doesn't always mean you're a great partner. I think I had other relationships where I made a lot of money and I was the breadwinner. But I was also. And that. But I would almost use that as an excuse to then be a lesser partner. You know what I mean?

[A]

Like, ah, that's a good one. I'm trying not to lose Moses because I'm very much that too. Sometimes I can just be like, well, I'm so tired. I just like traveled for five days, whatever. But you also have to be the emotional support back. So when he is also. And I support his dreams too, by the way. He wants to write a book, he wants to do like, do his art and stuff like that. I'm like so supportive. And now we're in the position to do that. So be an equal partner. Just because you're the breadwinner. Right. That's a good one. Don't means you can just like, like slack off and not help with the kids or with the house or anything.

[B]

Yeah. Or just. Or just in the relationship. You know what I mean? You have to be a good partner too. And like, I think that some people also like. Something I'm learning later in my relationship with Makoa is that like, I don't know him and I look at money very differently. Like just the way he was raised in a very secure household. And like, he truly believes everything will work out and everything happens for a reason. And so do I. But I do let my like, scarcity mindset and fear drive me into working a certain way and looking at money a certain way. And like. But I also understand that I am dating a man who yearns for a more simple life. He enjoys the nice things. He's gonna get on the jet that I book or like ride in the Rolls Royce. But he doesn' want it. He is fine without it. He is the one trying to talk me out of it usually. Like, so I also like enjoy being the breadwinner to be maybe a little more materialistic or bougie towards my lifestyle. And I understand that that's like, I have to earn that because, like, that's what I want. You know what I mean?

[A]

And we like to do it. Yeah, whatever works for you guys. All right.

[B]

Seven minutes. Seven minutes.

[A]

Okay. Well, we went a little over two hours. Two minutes.

[B]

I love this. I love the calls. The calls are like where it all started, literally.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It like brings me back to the OG days.

[A]

I love it too.

[B]

And just hearing all the girlies, I like always imagine a girl at home. Like, if I listen to a podcast that I loved, which I do. Like, if I called in and like, I heard my call, I would be like, oh my God, like, they took my car. Yeah. And so it makes me happy knowing that anyone calls. Yeah. Like, we are making the girlies feel answered today.

[A]

Thank God. 17, 000 calls.

[B]

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[B]

Wow.

[A]

Thank you, Drag Kings, for sponsoring today's episode.

[C]

Hey, Trish. Hey, Tana. The amount of time I've spent watching you guys on the Internet, you could give me a PhD. Any new love, y'? All. I need some advice. I booked a trip for myself to go to Mexico in a month or so, and I told my boyfriend about it. We've been dating for, like, four years. We live together, and I want to go by myself because I need some alone time. But he. I told him about it, and he got really sad, and he said something along the lines of, we're like that old couple that doesn't like spending time together. And I told him, no, we spend every day together, we live together. And he, you know, was okay with not coming, but I feel really bad. What should I do, guys? Help me out.

[B]

Oh, well, that just means that you care, and that just means that he cares. So, like, you're not that old couple that doesn't like spending time together because you both still care. You, like, she placed this call and he said those things, and, like, that means that you both still really care. So don't let that notion, you know, be a cloud over anything. I mean, first and foremost, yes.

[A]

And some people are just two different types of people. People who, like, want to do everything together as a couple. And there's people who just need their loan time, and you just gotta. Yeah.

[B]

And I also will say, you know, whatever happens with this trip, like, have a good time and all of those things. But, like, trip aside, I think that 1, 3, 4, 5 day trip is not going to fix what you're yearning for, in my opinion. I think that it's like. And I totally get this, like, if you're living with someone, you're spending all your time with Them and you're just like, I want some alone time to think my own thoughts and do my own things. I think that this trip. Don't kill me for saying this, girl, because I literally worship the ground you walk on and love you might be a band aid for like what the real thing is. And you should try to incorporate this more in your day to day life. Whether that's. You go get a coffee at a coffee shop and you go spend maybe an hour or two sitting there. Like, whether it's on Pinterest, like, or whether it's doing work or whether it's like calling an old friend to catch up or like you go on walks. Like, I think that if you just. Or you go meet up with a friend that you haven't seen in a while or just like a million things, run an errand alone, like incorporating it into your day to day life might be more of a fix. So that then something. Because he's also. A Mexico trip can be like romantic and like, yeah, all these things. Like, I could see if I was on the other end of that, I'd be like, well, why don't you want me to go with you? Maybe, you know, so, like, sure, yeah,

[A]

I just want to go to Cancun by myself. Like, I'd love to go to Cancun with you.

[B]

Yeah, like, so maybe whether you go on the trip alone or not, I don't think it's a bad thing if you, if that's what you really need right now, do what you really need and explain to him that it's not that you just don't want to spend time with him, it's that you just need some want some time.

[A]

Incorporating the daily is so important. Like, Moses does not need alone time from anyone. I need alone time for like an hour a day. Like, truly, whether that's like meditating, journaling, like you said, getting a match or filming a video in a car for an hour, like getting my AMC popcorn, eating it by myself. Like, I need it and I feel so much better. Yeah. Like, when I travel, we're talking about doing the college. Speaking for, like, I was literally gone for a night in Albuquerque. I was like, so I was like, I need to be home. Like, I miss it so much. I really just need that hour. But maybe it also opened your eyes, this trip to being like, oh, like, maybe it gives you clarity. Maybe like, that's what I needed. I don't, you know, whatever. Like. Or also you might just be like, oh, I miss him. I get like that all the time I'm like, I need a break from the kids. And then like an hour later I'm like, oh, I miss him. I want to go home. So literally that, you know, that is so true.

[B]

I'll be like, oh my God, I just need a break. Like I need some alone time. And then I'll miss him. And that's great. And you should try to explain that to him too. That like, like missing each other is healthy.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

But I think that incorporating a little more self focused time into your day to day life and building independence, whether that's like you go take a workout class and make a new friend or like, you know what I mean, just different things. Building parts of your life that are still yours, not just each other's together would help this problem maybe more than just a trip. So we love you.

[A]

Our three minute answer.

[B]

Yes. And have fun, girl. Get tan. Try to explain it to him and make him feel better. And yeah, we love you.

[A]

He just wants to be with you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And just take a look like that sometimes with me. He's like, but I want to do it with you. And I'm like, kind of love it. That is sweet.

[B]

It is. It's so cute and it is.

[A]

But you should definitely normalize getting your alone time if you wanted to.

[B]

There's nothing wrong with that. Of course, of course. And I think that in your day to day life is, it's important.

[C]

Hey, Trish and Tana. I was hoping to get some advice. I am going through a divorce after being with my partner for 14 years and married for almost three. He came out to me as bisexual at the beginning of the year and essentially asked for an open relationship which I am not comfortable with, hence the divorce. Any advice on how to get back my pink, get back into the dating world? I am so out of touch. I have no clue what to do and dating apps scare the out of me. So any advice would be appreciated. Thanks. Love you guys. Bye.

[A]

We got that Tinder double date. Yes, that's our sponsor today.

[B]

Honestly, Tinder double date. Like doing things with your friends honestly is great. Like great immediate advice honestly.

[A]

But take some time. 14 years. Like take some time to heal.

[B]

And also I just want to say I'm so proud of you for like, because I think that of course when you love someone for that long, it is so easy to be like to falter on your boundaries and falter on your deep rooted beliefs and be like, okay, fine, we can try the open relationship. But he clearly he came to you. He did the right thing as well. Maybe has an entire side of him that he's never explored. And I'm sure to get a divorce after that long, you know, it meant that it was eating away at him as well, you know, so it's just. It's one of those situations that's just very sad all around and there's not, like fingers to point here, but I think you're doing the right thing for yourself. And who knows? He might go figure things out and you guys end up coming back together even better, you know, or like. Or, you know, you go out and you date and you find someone who is a more applicable partner.

[A]

Or sometimes you can have two loves of your life. Right. We were talking about that movie Eternities or whatever. You know what I mean? It's like sometimes you can have two loves of your life. Like, this one didn't work out. Such as life, it teaches you a lesson. It's what you know, it was your love. You can cherish it for that. And then you might meet another love of your life, which is great. Or like you said, maybe come back together. I think to get that pink back, it's doing stuff that you love. We like. My favorite influencer at the moment that I talk about too much is Michaela right now. And like, we referenced her earlier. And I do love that, like, going through a divorce, she's still, like, spending time with girls. She's still, like, doing what she loves. Just tick tock. Because a lot of people, like, take time off social media. But it's like, if I love social media, I'll speak for myself now. If I like, love social media, whenever I'm going through a hard time, like, I want to do it because it makes me feel normal. Like, after I gave birth, I wanted to do it right away because it makes me feel normal. So doing something that makes it feel like you and who you are is very important. I would be careful to go right back into the dating world because you don't want to. Maybe want to rebound. I don't know, maybe that can be fun too. But I mean, ultimately, like, to heal your heart, try and give a little time for you.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And because it's like, not about you, but this is. This is like a reason. It's like allowing you to, like, get more in tune with who you are rather than someone else.

[B]

And sometimes after something for so long, you have adapted to this version of yourself that was fine, right, for that amount of time. But now you are in this era where you are, you Know, diving into a completely new version of yourself. And, like, I almost was thinking about this in relation to my sobriety, like, and it's very different. But I'm just saying, like, I definitely had to spend a period of time figuring out what my hobbies were, developing new hobbies and, like, doing different things and like, things like that. And I think that this is a really good time for you to do that too. You know, who am I as a single person? Who am I as this new version of myself? What do I like to do? What do I. That is the best way to get your circle back. I swear. It's like, it can be the dumbest things. Like, try crafting. Try, like, go. Do you like going and seeing movies? Are you a movie buff? Like, go. You know what I mean? Do you like clothes? And you want to go thrifting? Do you like cooking? And you want to try cooking a new meal? Because then also, as you're developing who you are, you're also going to develop what you are looking for in the next person. You know, the shared interests and what you need. I think you should do a lot of writing, you know, writing out, like, what you would need in your next partner and stuff. Like, a little bit of self research so that you aren't just jumping into a pond and then whoever bites and then you end up and something and like, whatever. And when you eventually get to that point, obviously you know, you're teaching, like, an old dog new tricks, right? Like, you haven't been dating in so long, and anything like that is about a lot of ripping the band aids off and jumping out into your comfort, like, out of your comfort zone, you know? And it's gonna feel foreign at first, but, like, you have to trust and believe that you will get the hang of it. You know what I mean? And that you will find your new normal. And then eventually you're gonna find yourself sitting across from someone maybe that you met on an app. And maybe you had a glass of wine and you decided, like, I am gonna go on this date with this guy from this app, and you're gonna find yourself sitting across from someone who is super profound or super funny or, like, brings something new to the table or is completely different in a good way from your old partner. And that new version of you will thrive in that environment. And you have to believe that even if you can't see it now, like. Like there will be another version of you.

[A]

That there has to be. You've been with him for 14 years. You're probably A totally different person too. And now it's time to rediscover who this new person is. So good luck to both of you.

[B]

So just put forth effort to that put forth effort to the new person, even if it feels foreign and scary because you are just helping her figure out what she needs. And we believe in you and you did the right thing and we love you.

[A]

Crushing it. Marathon Olympians.

[B]

I love our marathon call.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

I'm like, actually, I'm living for this. This is so fun.

[A]

We love giving advice. Why we started this.

[B]

Yeah, it really is like. It is. So I want to do these more too. Yeah.

[A]

After seven hours of talking, we're like, we can answer some calls now.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And it's.

[B]

It is so nice too to just like leave my own world, enter other people's and use hopefully anything I've learned.

[A]

All that crazy had to go through. It's like we've been there. I've been like every situation. Almost obviously not the alcoholism or like grief, but like everything else, I've been there. So.

[B]

Yes. And like you still have so many life lessons that are applicable to them.

[A]

It's so cool. Yeah.

[B]

It's so funny. We're sitting here a year into not Loveland. I'm like, I really do love taking calls.

[A]

Like, just the calls. The calls.

[B]

Calls. Literally.

[A]

Hi, guys.

[C]

I'm looking for some advice, probably more from Trish. I am a 30 year old mom to a 5 year old and we are a one and done family. But I have had a really hard time making mom friends. It seems like every time I try to step out of my comfort zone and go to a playground and go to a mommy meetup, no one seems to vibe well with me. In fact, they kind of seem to be standoffish towards me no matter how hard I try. And again, my son is 5, so I've tried for a few years, but just looking for some advice and what you guys think. I would love to have a moment friend group, especially because my husband travels for work. But yeah, just asking and love you guys. Bye.

[A]

Do we want a mom friend group after seeing the Ashley Tisdale Haley Duff drama of it all?

[C]

No.

[A]

I always want one too. I think. I think you can't force it. It's like friendships, right? You can't force it. I def. I desperately want a mom group too. I do all the things. I go to dance class, I go to gym classes. I do everything. And it does have to be more, I think, I don't know. I don't know what you're doing. You didn't say specifics. Me personally, I don't put myself out there enough. I am kind of like on my phone and like in the cor. Like, I probably should talk and be like, what is the tea? What are we doing? What is this? Like maybe putting yourself out there more. Me too. I need to do that too. Because you want to be invited to the birthday party and you want people to come to your kids birthday party. So kind of maybe just putting yourself out there more. But you can't really force things like that. But you'll find it. I have my. One of my best friends, Ari. She. Her daughter's 13 and she just recently found her mom group and like, they all do stuff together and they go get drinks before like a dance recital. So I think maybe it just takes time, finding the right fit, the right activity. Yeah.

[B]

Because there are. I always talk about this with Nicole. My fear of like, one day our kids are gonna be in school and I'm gonna be like, I hate that kid. The Chadwick's mom. Okay.

[A]

Like, I like. Then you see, I'm like. Sometimes I'm like, okay, that kid's annoying.

[B]

Yes. Like, all of it. Literally, like. And just. I cannot imagine that. But I will say that I think that your advice is nail on the head. Like, putting yourself out there. And sometimes that does mean that you're at the park or you're at whatever this thing is with all these moms. There's there. And you are awkward as walking up to these moms and saying, like, I don't really have a mom friend group. Like, where do you guys live around here? Like, you know what I mean? And like doing anything in life, even just when you're wanting more friends. That's what it is. Like, it's just about doing the awkward thing, which is like the thing that is against everything you are intrinsically and inserting yourself maybe into situations or, you know, walking up and complimenting a mom and then saying like, oh my God, like, I've been struggling with this thing in parenting and. And you know, like, how do you handle having. You know what I mean? Like an only child or how do you handle having like these classes or whatever? Just at being inquisitive. I think people are always drawn to inquisitive nature. And then hopefully you find the people who are inquisitive back. Like, it is just about stepping out of your comfort zone. And girl, you sound so friendly and amazing and stuff. And you will find I know that on certain apps and Stuff like, like there are friend things and, like, you can find that in your area too. And like, just at the different classes, because there are good moms out there that all have personalities that you like, you know?

[A]

That is so true. Not. Not all the. Not all roads lead back to Nick Cannon. But I will say, when we were at the fry stand and Abdela Rosa was in front of us and was like that on the shirt, I'm like, anyways, back to that. And I was like, you know what? So we.

[C]

She.

[A]

We had an interaction. It was good. And I was like, I'm gonna follow her on Instagram. And then she followed me back and then I was kinda like, oh, but now you're inspiring me. I'm gonna make the first move. I'm gonna send a DM to her. Cause we always, like, reply like something and be like, hey, girl, we should have a play date. Because we. If you know someone has a similar age, Instagram's good that way. Because if you follow and they do a follow back, you're like, all right, we're cool. You know, like, she doesn't, like, think I'm weird or anything. So I think that's a good way, especially because it is hard to find people in that same age range. So me tonight, texting Abby, being like, hey, girl, yeah, let's have a play date.

[B]

And leading with the play date is everything too, because then the kids can play across it. And if you guys don't get along, the kids still had fun, and then you can try again with another play date. It's kind of like a play dating.

[A]

It's so true. And do it for the kids. I. I'm not good at making friends, but it's like, ever since having kids, I'm like, I do not want my kids birthday parties to like, not have little kids there to support them. So I'm very. I put myself out there a lot. I'm like, I'm gonna make some friends.

[B]

Yeah, I love that. And we just. We believe in you very, very, very deeply.

[A]

There. Sometimes mom groups can be clicky, as we know from, like, yes. The Hollywood mom group of it all.

[B]

Yes. And like, that's so true. It's not you. It's a hard thing. And it's like this new era where you're putting your kids first versus, like, who am I as a friend? Friend. Like, that's the last thing you're thinking. You're taking care of a kid. Who am I as a friend? Right.

[A]

But, like, we're just trying to get These kids together. Let's just try and be cordial.

[B]

Yes. But naturally it will happen. And sometimes it does come with a little bit of uncomfortability. And we believe in you. Would you guys want to imagine what your mom group of celebrities would look like? Oh, my God. What's our dream celebrity mom.

[A]

Mom group.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, people have kids now or pick,

[B]

like, four celebrity women that have kids.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Tasia, Alexis the Tick Tocker. I love her.

[A]

Who is Tasia? Alexa.

[B]

She's my favorite. She's so funny. She doesn't want me. I would love to have her in a mom group. She is everything.

[A]

Kylie is a good one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Their birthday parties are insane.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm trying to think. I felt like a lot of mommy.

[B]

Who else is like, oh, God, I love Taylor Giovasis, Nash Greer's wife, and all of her, like, mommy content and stuff. She's another mommy that I. Organic mom. Yes. And just like, like, Thrifty Smith.

[A]

I want to be her mom friend so bad.

[B]

Yes. Oh, my God. You know, the kids would be, like, so healthy for a week if you were hanging out with Nara. Like, like, this is what it's like without red 40 at Nara's house. That's actually.

[A]

I would like that. They come back to mine. They're like, what's these hot Cheetos?

[B]

Literally. Literally. Who else is it?

[A]

Kourtney Kardashian. That's one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Whose moms? I don't know.

[B]

I know. Why am I, like, blanking on? Who has kids that I'm like, I thought Rihanna.

[A]

We have three. Our kids are exactly the same age. Like, every year. We got pregnant at the same time. It was crazy.

[B]

That's iconic. You could do it manifested now.

[A]

Damming.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Manifest now to her online, like, being like, oh, like showing how she met ASAP Rocky. Like, what? I don't know, 10 years ago versus what she looks like now. Three months postpartum after having three kids. I'm like, you guys are first. Looks good.

[B]

Disgusting. Rihanna is like the sexiest, most talented iconic woman ever.

[A]

Crazy. And, like, this is why Menchi as like, you know, you have, like, a little penis energy. Like, you get no chicks, you get nothing. You don't know what it looks like. Like, it makes me so, like, literally.

[B]

You don't know what a looks like.

[A]

People are crazy when they say that about Rihanna. I'm like, we've lost the plot, everybody.

[B]

Like, this is why men cheat. Oh, my God. Jail.

[A]

Prison. So good and so amazing.

[B]

And that's actual federal prison time for Commenting that. Anyways, next caller.

[A]

We're killing it.

[B]

We're at four.

[A]

Gosh it.

[B]

Five, six. What?

[A]

We're gonna get to that. 76. Yes, 75.

[B]

79,000.

[A]

Okay. Okay. That was like, actually, slow down. Whoa, slow down.

[C]

Hey, girl. Okay, this is like the second time I tried to do this damn call. Last time I had, like, literally a brain fart. But anyways, I just want to know, like, I just thought, this is so interesting. What do you guys think is the psychology behind, like. Okay, so I'm a chunky girl, right? I'm a little bit on the heavier side. And I personally love. I like being chunky. I feel full, I feel pretty, I feel good about myself. But I'm also currently on a calorie deficit and, like, going to Pilates five days a week trying to lose weight. And why do you think that it is that I, like, love the way I look, but I have let society make me believe that I need to lose weight and I'm unhealthy and disgusting. Okay, love you guys. Bye.

[A]

You said it. Society is the friend Oz epic of it all. Everyone just needs to be so skinny. I'm the exact same way. I'm, like, so happy. Love my life, love my pasta that my husband cooks me every night. And like, yeah, but people are like, you should eat that much pasta. You should do. You should lose weight. And then, like, no matter what, no matter how confident happy you are, those comments will always make you think, like, okay, I should, because that's me as whatever you just described right now is literally me. I go to Pilates. I walk every day, I try to eat less. And it's just like, why are we doing this? It's like, literally because, like, comments and tick tocks are just like, be as skinny as possible. It's messed up. And I don't think there's any amount of preaching, questions, answers, anything that allows, like, change anyone's mind that we, like, will always feel this way, even if we're like, I'm truly, like, the happiest. I think I look good. And it's like, we're just in there too. And I was like, I feel so fat, but it's like, I don't feel like that in the day to day. I don't know. It's like something that we're just, like, conditioned to say or think about or do. And it's so annoying.

[B]

It's actually so funny because her and I just now, when we were changing, had like a whole conversation about dysmorphia. And it like forever just being something that you, like, live with. And like, we were even just talking about, like all the times in our, we were just talking about this, like all of the times in our lives where like, we thought we looked so bad. And then we look back and it's like, you looked amazing. And like, it is so societal. I'm really, I'm trying to, instead of just being like, I look bad, to think like, okay, no, maybe do I, like, maybe I want to nourish my body and eat healthier or like, maybe I want to like, as the table's covered in Taco Bell and hot Cheetos.

[A]

It's, it's a concept to balance out in the banana.

[B]

Yeah. Honestly. And it's like, I don't know, I just, it is so hard with the Internet. And the Internet's like the perfect ideal of beauty. And you could do all the things right, like you could lose the weight, or you could get the facial, or you could get the new Botox, or you could do the new lip thing, or you could buy the waist trainer, you could buy tay, buy the supplements, you could. All these things. And then because of society, there will always be something else the next day to like attain. And if you get lost in that, you will just never, ever, ever feel beautiful. And society literally does not want us to feel beautiful. They want us to be this malleable consumer who hates ourselves.

[A]

Look at the bbls are out now. Lips are out. Everyone's like trying to dissolve lip filler and they're getting. It's just like this. It's just a never ending cycle. Like big butts are on. Big butts are gross. Like, it's just like, wow. Like it's.

[B]

Yeah. Like a body type should never be in. And it is so crazy that certain comments and stuff like about our bodies or other people's bodies that ours are similar to that we read or just anything can stick with us for the rest of our lives. And it is so sad. I guess my only advice is just like reframe that anything that we are doing is for like, if I do more cardio, my heart's gonna be healthier, I'm gonna live longer. You know what I mean? Like, if I drink way more water, I'm gonna be more hydrated and like clear headed and like my skin will feel better and stuff. You know what I mean? Like, versus the how I look. That is how I try to ease those thoughts. But I'd be lying to you if I said I still didn't have, like, those thoughts all the time.

[A]

That's so valid. That's me. Because I always think about this. I'm like, oh, God, I'm so, like, I'm happy. What does it matter? It's like, well, Pilates. Oh, yeah. I feel stronger. I can lift my kids up if I lose a little weight. Then I get my implants out to feel healthier if I lose a little weight. Like, yes. Statistics show, like, life longevity. Like, you know, you just, like, live endorphins and endorphins. Dopamine. Yeah. So balance. We always talk about that. Right. Is like, yeah, like, it's cool you're in a calorie deficit, but also, like, be kind and also be like, if you really want something, eat it. And it just. Yeah, I hope. Yeah. Reframing it is so perfect because, like, society, you have to be skinny. But if you just reframe it and be like, I just want to feel healthier, I would like to live a little longer. I would. Yeah. It's not about looking better because she's confident too. She's like, I like being thick. And I'm saying it's really just about how you feel and how, like, and

[B]

society will just beat you into it. Is about, like, actively. I talked about this in a video a while ago, but, like, actively fighting against what society wants you to, like, think of yourself. I've talked about this before, but, like, our brains, due to scrolling and stuff, now get a hit of dopamine. When we see the perfect Instagram face or the perfect Instagram whatever. Our brains are literally conditioned to like,

[A]

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[B]

Let's plan your wedding together, not get that hit of dopamine when we're looking at someone who does not fit the perfect mold. And, like, how crazy and sad is that? And I think just being aware of those things and when you catch yourself in those thoughts or reading those comments, being like, wait, none of this is real. I need to be healthy and live a long, happy life. And that's. I Mean, that's what really matters. But it's not a switch you flip and you wake up tomorrow and, and you feel that way. It's. It's about a conscious constant, constant, not even read, just constant training of your brain because there's so much to consume that goes against that.

[A]

Yeah. I've done Pilates now for eight months. I haven't lost like a single pound, but I just feel better, I feel stronger, I feel good. So it's about a feeling and like

[B]

muscle and just like. Yes. Literally, like you're saying I'm strong enough to pick up my kids.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Even like, I've been in my garage and like, I can't pick up like mid sized boxes and like my knees hurt when I do it and I'm like, okay, that's why I need to be in the gym. It's not so that I can look like Kendall Jenner. It's so that, like, I can pick up this thing up without, like being in excruciating pain at 27. And so that, like, you know, just more energy, like all of the things. So good luck. You're doing it right.

[A]

You sound like you're confident and you're getting your exercise and that's all that matter.

[B]

And all of this stuff is work in progress, especially with society working against you. Like, yeah, if you have one bad thought, you haven't regressed back to, to square one, you know, like, just continue to try to remind yourself of the facts.

[A]

You'll never. Perfect. I do see, like now like Twitter just turning on C. Sweeney and be like, she looks weird. What's with her? Ey? She looks at like people just turn on, like, everybody. Like Rihanna, like, all stuff. It's like, it's so true. Everyone. Like, Megan Fox was way hotter than Sydney Sweeney. And I was just like, who? Like, comparing. Yeah, who cares?

[B]

And who. Yeah, but that's. It's everywhere. It's easy to consume and it's like you have to just be like, that's not reality. And we're all just like normal people trying to live through life and be happy and healthy. That's all you can ask for. So keep going, girl. Keep grinding. But also treat yourself to that meal that you want and continue to love yourself. You know, it's better balance.

[A]

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[A]

Thank you to Kickoff for sponsoring this episode of Not Loveline.

[C]

Hi Trish. Hi Tana. I was calling today to see if you guys think I should break up with my boyfriend. I would just like to start off by saying he's done absolutely nothing, nothing wrong. He's a really great boyfriend and he takes care of me. But I've been having health issues for a little while now. I haven't been able to walk for a while. And basically I found out that I have a tumor in my body somewhere that's causing my bones to be super, super fragile. And first they need to locate the tumor. They need to see if they can even remove it. And once it's removed, it takes a while for your body to go back to normal. And I just feel like I'm holding him back from doing things that he wants to do. And I just feel awful because I feel like I can't be the girlfriend that he needs me to be. And I just, I don't like feeling like a burden to anyone. So I was just wondering if you guys think that I should break up with him because I feel like he deserves better than this. But I don't know, I feel like I'm being selfish letting him stay with me. But yeah, love you guys. Bye.

[B]

Well, first of all, I love you. We love you so much. Like, oh my God. I. And I understand like, that, that feeling of like, I'm a burden. But at the same time, girl, you know for a fact you would do it for him tomorrow. Like, you know what I mean? You know for a fact you would do it for. And if he tried to let you break up with him, you wouldn't, you know, like, you would ride or die for him. And that's like what a ride or die partner is. And if he, he, it's, it, you know, it's one thing if a man is sitting there expressing, right? Like this is holding me back and whatever, and it's like, good riddance. Thank God that you showed Your true colors. But it's also another thing if someone really. Because sometimes I think that that's hard, especially as independent women or, you know, women who know that they've got it all on their own. When we find ourselves in, like, a place where we're weaker, it's easy to become an avoidant attachment and just be like, I don't need anyone. I don't want to hold anyone back. I'm a burden. All these bad things are happening to me. I'll figure it out on my own. Like. But a lifelong partner is not just there for the highs. A lifelong partner is not just there for when you feel amazing. A lifelong partner is there for the lows and for all of you and who you are. And your mind, just like your mind is still working. He fell in love with that mind girl. You know what I mean? He fell in love with, like, your thoughts and the soul. Yes. And. And the things that you say and the. The beliefs that you have and who you are and you guys laughing together. And none of those things are going anywhere. And I just. Especially as women, I think that we, like, are so quick to jump to being like, I'm a burden. But, like, you didn't choose this. And if you have someone who is willing to ride it out with you, you know, there will be a point where you guys are, like, running down a beach again, you know? And like. Or even if whatever happens, if you have your ride or die, there will be a new normal where you're just as fulf. Both of you, as you were before. Like, I don't think that you should push someone away in that situation if they are more than willing to help, you know, Definitely don't push away.

[A]

I feel like I'm so with her. Like, I feel like that would be me too. But it's like, when you have that soul connection, the souls bond even closer in, like, those moments of stress or turmoil or, like, low points, as you could say. I like when someone's with you at your. When they love you, like, at your low, or love you at a time when you really need them. Like, I feel like that's when the bond is really happens. Obviously, I've never dealt with something like this, but like, Moses see me on my low physically, like, giving birth, where I couldn't, like, wipe myself. And all those moments just bring you, like, closer together where it's like this, like, soul connection. And if Moses ever had needed me in that way, it would break my heart if he's like, I don't Want you to see me like this. He always like, you can get me, like, a nurse or something. When I'm like. Because he's 11 years older than me. And I was like, that's the time where I can finally do something for you. Like, if I can, like, help you. Like, that's what I want when that day comes. Because it's like, you've done so much. And that, like, to me, is like, where you show the love, where the love, like, comes in. It's like, I would love to be there for him. I know he'd be there for me. And you need. You need it too. And you deserve it because it's like, you guys have that connection. And, yeah, if he's not trying to run. If he's trying to run, that's one thing. And be like, whatever, I can just do this on my own. But he's like, wants to be there. You said he's done nothing wrong. That's like a perfect boyfriend. Like. Yeah.

[B]

And like you, there will be another side of this where you will have a million opportunities to repay him. And that's what love is. And that's what, like, especially someone who's not asking for you to repay them. You know what I mean? But, like, just that's what love is. And, like, you guys can still watch your favorite movie together, and you guys can still, like, stay up and talk about stuff, and you guys can still, like, do other things. And, like, don't. Don't just resort to burden and push away. I really think that, like, if someone wants to be there for you, you should let them. And you will have every opportunity to. To do all of the things again and to repay the person again and all of those things.

[A]

Yeah. Physicality is also, again, lowest on my list as far as relationship goes. And when you can't be physical, like, you know, like after giving birth, like, for two months, it's like, that's when you can bond in so many other ways. Like, spiritual ways and like, like, emotional ways. And it's. It can be a really beautiful thing. So speedy recovery. I hope that they can figure out how to remove this.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And whatever you're. You are after, this is. You could be the same. You could be different, can be changed. And I think. I think it's gonna, like, actually bond you guys deeper.

[B]

Yes. And if that's. If that's your person, this will be something that you guys will be 80 and look back on and know that, like, you rode for each other through everything. So I just want to Know, I want to let you know that you are in my prayers and there will be another side and a new normal and things will be great. I believe that. Truly. And yeah. You got a good man, Savannah.

[A]

Yes. Don't let those go.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We love to self sabotage us girlies sometimes.

[B]

Yes. And just resort to the. Like, I can do this all myself and I'm working. He deserves. But you don't think about how devastated he would be without you because you were also his everything, you know? And you guys got this together. I believe in that.

[A]

We love you.

[B]

Yeah, we love you.

[C]

Hey, Trisha. Hey, Tana. Actually, hey, Devin. Because you're the one. Hi, Ms. Tripper. I'm vibing right now watching you guys podcast winding down and I just wanted to know, like, your favorite, like, bath hacks. Unless know I feel like you guys take baths. You talk about, like, this hair and all that.

[B]

Oh, I don't take baths enough. Because I do. I will say baths. For me, baths are like a holiday. Okay. Like, it's like, it takes a lot more effort and like drawing the bath and like, I'm really big on the temperature being correct. And like, sometimes I can't soak the spray tan off. Like, it's. It's more of a rarity for me. I think later in life I will take a lot more baths. I know that.

[A]

Yes. Most of us take bath all the time together. When we were like, first got together and was so crazy quarantine. So it's like, where does the bathing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm not a bath expert either, so I don't know, like, the proper protocol. I know back in the day, back to 2012, like, all the girls with those Lush bombs. I was just gonna it honestly, like glitter around you.

[B]

I will say that new thing that I've been into, like, literally since sobriety is going into Lush. Okay.

[A]

And obviously around.

[B]

Yes, there's one. Where's the one that we go to?

[A]

Are they Lush?

[B]

Westfield Topanga. And I love. I'm friends with the employees. Like, I'm not even kidding you. I love the Westfield Topanga Lush employees, okay? More than anything. There's this one girl in there that always gives us a hand massage and like, speaks life into us. I literally would.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

I would live, breathe, and die for her. Okay. But if you have a little extra money to spend on treating yourself or. Lush is not that much more expensive than drugstore products. Some are.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I. All their products are all natural and they've literally changed my mental health. Like, Lush. Like lush super milk. Spraying it all over your body. Like, I've never smelled better. I need to make a whole video about lush. Like, I could talk about lush for hours.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And a lush, like throwing a lush bath bomb in. It'll leave the milkiness all over your skin. There's so many oils in them and stuff.

[A]

Like.

[B]

I know, but not even just the bath bombs. Their products in general have changed my life. But a cute little bath bomb, a candle beside the bath is always nice. Set the mood music for me during a bath. Like, setting the vibe of the music. Body scrub in the bath.

[A]

Like, that's a good one.

[B]

Because in the shower when you're doing body scrub, you're, like, hunched over scrubbing your legs, and it's hard day at work. Like, scrubbing your knees and it's like. But in the back, you're just, like, rubbing it all over yourself. And then it's coming off immediately. Like, like, out scrub back in the bath. I'm taking a bath tonight.

[A]

I know you're making me want to take one. I can't do one of my kids. But I just said that I put bubbles on for my kids. We do a little bubble machine. And it says the vibe.

[B]

Even just that. Even just pouring the body soap in bubbles and you're, like, playing with them. Moko always does this thing where he, like. I don't know how. He's just like a water bender, I swear. But, like, he rubs the bubbles from the bath together, and then he goes like this and, like, blows into it, and then it makes a big bubble that'll, like, go off into the air. Like, I love a bath, too, because there's something about it that's, like, so inner child. Like, you're just, like, playing in the bath.

[A]

They'll be in the bath for like, an hour and a half, the kids, every night. And it's like, put on twinkle, twinkle. And then they're just, like, in bed right after. They're like, we try and do it after dinner because they get, like, messy during dinner. And then it's always like, bath and they sleep and it's wonderful.

[B]

But, like, honestly, a good bath is so good for just relaxation and mental health. Like putting on a good face moisturizer.

[A]

Now I want to do that. That sounds so fun.

[B]

I think I need a good bath later.

[A]

Yes, maybe I'll do that after their bath.

[B]

Yes, Literally, a good bath. But yes, all the moisturizing oils, all the candles, all the music, all the things, just baths are romanticizing life and I think that it's important to romanticize life, especially for mental health.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

I need that until I get on an ssri. I'm gonna be taking baths.

[A]

Yeah. From here on out.

[B]

You get your laptop out. You can watch something.

[A]

Yeah. Yes. Richardson bath sounds great.

[B]

I just tried to take a bath in Mexico, and there was, like, a gecko that wouldn't get the out of the bath. So I'm going to take the bath I want tonight.

[A]

No geckos involved. I think we can take two more. I think we can make it to 10. Yes.

[B]

I just want to say we made it to 10.

[A]

Yes. We're going to do it on some

[B]

Guinness World Record book. Okay. Most calls taken on Not Loveline.

[A]

Here it is.

[C]

Hey, Trish. Hey. Tana. Loved you since the kitchen floor and the toothbrush. But I'm here today because I was in a relationship of five years. We were engaged, and at one point in our relationship, my fiance was encouraging me to sleep with one of my friends because they thought it would be hot. I did that, and now suddenly, I'm a disgusting cheater. We decided to take some time apart for a little while and, like, not tell anybody about our issues. But they've gone on and they're telling the whole Internet. Like, I don't really know how to handle it. I know, like, the relationship is over at this point. I just. Am I disgusting cheater? Okay, thanks, guys.

[B]

I knew we'd get to a call that would piss me off. Wait, what? And she said, who's all over the Internet? The partner's telling the whole Internet, and then she knows the relationship is over. You are not a disgusting cheater. If someone asks you to do something and then you go do it, that is A, B, C, D. That is one plus one equals two. Like, that is. There is no miscommunication there. There's no nothing. He asked you to go do it, you went and did it. And then he's. Oh, my God. And obviously he might regret it, right? He might be like, I really wish I didn't tell her to go do that. And that I would think it was hot and like, whatever. But that's where it's like, yeah, he told you.

[A]

You listen.

[B]

Then that's where it's like, babe, I made a mistake and this made me feel some type of way, and I miscommunicated to you. And now maybe we should. Can we get some couples therapy over it? Because I made a mistake asking you to do this thing. And the fact I will say, though, we love when True people show their true colors. And when the trash takes itself out and like, when. Whatever. Like, if. If his immediate reaction to this is, like, I'm gonna take it to the Internet and I'm gonna try to ruin her life. And I'm gonna like, what a narcissist who can't handle their own decision that they made? Yeah, like, he. That's his own decision that he made.

[A]

Made. Guys are just so dumb. Honestly, they're.

[B]

Men are so stupid. Like, I swear, I tried to be positive this whole episode. I have been. And we've had great calls, but this is one of those calls where all I know to say is how stupid you asked her to do that. And then it could have been something that you guys could have worked through even if you didn't, like, the way you felt after it. And then you chose to, like, communicate and act like a child said it,

[A]

you've asked for it. Like, that's crazy. It's like, what they. If you made a mistake or whatever, do you ask for it? Then you're gonna, like, make me feel bad about it? Absolutely not like that. Like, that's bull. That's bullshit on the ground, like, dumping him.

[B]

So you are not a disgusting cheater. And you deserve a partner who's never going to, like, speak to you that way or act that way or make you feel that way or. Yes, like, I think that this is a great opportunity, like, to run, like, to. To be like. And obviously it hurts. And you're going to grieve the relationship and the person that you thought that they once were. But you're going to find someone who isn't yearning for you to sleep with other people to feel something. You're also going to find someone who. Who, like, if they ask you to do something and then you do it and they don't like it, are going to be able to communicate that. Like, I am. I'm just so sorry that you're having to go through all of that. You did nothing wrong. And I promise you, like, you will find someone else who knows your worth and never makes you feel this way. And I'm so sorry you had to find this out this way, but no one is at fault in this situation other than him, especially for his, like, poor communication of the aftermath. Because, like, if she called in and said that, like, my man asked me to sleep with this person and then I did it, and then, like, now he's super sad about it and, like, wishes it didn't happen and, like, feels really gross about it. What Do I do? My answer would be like, okay, well yeah, like he did ask you to do that and that is on him. But like you maybe there's some couples therapy there and you guys can get past it. It's his reaction in the aftermath shows that you deserve a more emotionally intelligent

[A]

work together through it. The fact that he's like blaming you, the biggest red flag.

[B]

Call number 10.

[A]

We're crushing. We're crushing.

[B]

I love Colathon.

[A]

Getting right there on time right at the three minute mark. Okay.

[C]

Me and my husband are both, both in the military and I just spent a wonderful two weeks with him. But unfortunately we have another five months. Five months apart. He just left today. And I'm struggling and I'm upset because I love him so much and I feel like I've been trying to be good with spending time by myself but I'm struggling and I don't like being alone and I'm struggling to pick up any hobbies. So what's your advice? I need your help. What do you do when maybe you're away from your makoa or your Moses to just need help? Love you guys. Bye.

[A]

I feel like you guys spend time more time apart. No.

[B]

But I will say that I stopped ever calling our relationship long distance a long time ago because of things like this. I don't, I, I'm way too privileged and I'm absolutely no right to even like speak on this because this is unfathomable to me and so difficult and you were so strong. So I don't even want to speak. I don't want to speak from a place of like, oh, I know this girl. Like you know I got you. I'm long dead. It's nothing like that. And the women who, and people who do this are so strong. Oh my God, my poor girl. I mean if you know that this person is the one for you and that this is going to be hard, but you want to stick it through with them. I hope that there's an end date to this. That is always what I, I think I would be doing is kind of like, like counting the days. Yes. Literally like counting down. Like right now you're in another five month countdown. But it is so hard to get stuck in that loop. And that's why long distance is so hard. Cuz then it's just like what you think about and is about like filling your time, filling your time with things you enjoy and just doing as much as you can to live an independent life that you enjoy until you see them next and Supporting them in what they do and all of those things. And obviously, that's a tough one.

[A]

Yeah, I don't.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know. I mean, that one is like, what do you do to fill the time? I suppose. I don't know. That's. You would know.

[B]

It's hard because it's like there's a part of me that wants to save. Like, you really can't do it. Then maybe, like, when it's all over, you guys come back together or something like that. But at the same time, and if you know that this person is your person, then just be as strong as you can through this. If you really. That's the. That's the thing. If you know for a fact that there is no one else out there and that this is your soulmate, then be as strong as you can. Use this time to start a side hustle. Use this time to find friends that you love hanging out with and, you know, just be as passionate as you can be about as many other things. And try not to let the countdown, like, kill you, because I know it's easy to let the countdown consume you and just get in the game with the college branded Venmo debit card card. Rep your team with every tap and earn up to 5% cash back with Venmo Stash, a new rewards program from Venmo.

[A]

No monthly fee, no minimum balance. Just school pride and spending power. Get in the game and sign up

[B]

for the Venmo debit [e-mail] collegecard.

[A]

The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank N.A. select schools available Venmo Stash terms and exclusions apply at Venmo me stash terms max $100 cash back per month.

[B]

We love you and you are very strong. And if this is your soulmate like you, this girl, you do.

[A]

We did it. 10 questions.

[B]

Call.

[A]

Thank you guys so much for being here. We love you. We crushed it. We love a marathon. If you want more telethons, call this number here up to date. We're trying to give you guys a recent advice so that way you can actually use it. And we love you guys.

[B]

Thanks for. We love all of you. Strong, strong, incredible, incredible, funny, multifaceted, beautiful, Just perfect women who end gays who call into this show. Thank you so much for giving us this life.

[A]

So, guys, feel free to call this number if you guys want relationship advice or just give us topical questions or things that you want our opinion on. Like I said, Devon, our producer, is checking on these dailies so if there's something that next week you really need that answer to, you're like, well, yes, I need this. Before Coachella. I need to know my outfit advice. Let us know. Or like you said, just talk.

[B]

Yes. Call us about literally anything. We got you when we get to them. And we are getting so much better at getting to them. We love you.

[A]

Bye.