Cazzie David Spirals About Turning 30

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Not Skinny But Not Fat – “Cazzie David Spirals About Turning 30”

Host: Amanda Hirsch
Guest: Cazzie David
Release Date: March 24, 2026

Episode Overview

In this candid and witty episode, Amanda Hirsch welcomes writer and comedian Cazzie David to discuss her most recent book Delusions. The conversation dives into Cazzie's hilarious and deeply honest reflections on the emotional spiral leading up to turning 30, touching on anxieties about adulthood milestones, familial relationships, modern wellness culture, face and body image issues, and how all of these inform her comedic and literary voice. The episode is part existential therapy, part stand-up confessional, as Cazzie unpacks what it really feels like to confront expectations of progress in your third decade.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Turning 30” Spiral and “Delusions”

• Existential Crisis as a Book Structure
  Cazzie describes Delusions as “essays in the form of an existential crisis” (12:05), born out of the intense, cliché-ridden societal expectations surrounding turning 30.
• Feeling Pressured by the Milestone
  “I still was like fully jump scared by this birthday... I have to get my entire life together in a year” – Cazzie (12:18)
• Comparing Yourself via Google
  Both Amanda and Cazzie admit to compulsively Googling celebrity ages to see where they “should” be in life, e.g., ages of Gilmore Girls’ characters (13:26).

2. Anxieties, Expectations, and Growth

• Pressure to Achieve by 30
  They examine the pressure for women to freeze eggs, find partners, or change careers around 30, and how it feels both specific and universal (12:53).
• No Magical Transition at 30
  Cazzie dismisses the myth that at 30, insecurities disappear: “I think I was thinking at the stroke of midnight, I would become a different person... but it didn’t happen” (15:10).
• “Prison of My Own Knowing”
  Cazzie explains: “My problem since I was born is that I know myself too well and therefore I don’t allow myself to do anything. Like, I’m in prison of my own knowing.” (16:11)

3. Family Dynamics and Sibling Rivalry

• Relationship with Her Sister
  The dynamic is affectionate but not “best friend” close: “We’re just not. Like we just can’t be best friends. I think such a contrarian that when someone wants something so badly from me, I can’t give it to them.” (18:08)
• Sibling Opposites
  “She’s just as anxious and neurotic but about really different things.” (17:43)

4. Social Anxiety and Party Disasters

• Birthday Party Fiasco
  Cazzie’s 30th birthday serves as the comic through-line of the book—her struggle with low attendance and the pressure to present a happy image: “There was not enough people there to make it feel normal.” (20:06)
  She admits to emotional breakdowns over party photos and lack of “growth”: “All of these things that are really childish. I’m like, crying because the photo is so ugly. That just really shows you, like, no growth has occurred.” (20:54)

5. Body Image & Face Dysmorphia in the Age of Instagram

• Obsessive Focus on Appearance
  Discussion on the impact of partners’ offhand remarks, face/body dysmorphia, and how social media magnifies insecurities (32:53-35:19).
• Unique Term – Face Dysmorphia
  Cazzie: “I personally have face dysmorphia. Obviously, a lot of people have body dysmorphia. I met someone the other night who was like ‘I have hair dysmorphia’...” (34:03)
• Quote: “It’s obsessing about something that doesn’t matter. And that totally takes over…and really is like an illness.” (34:55)

6. Health Anxiety, Wellness Trends & The “Advice Economy”

• Skepticism Toward Wellness Influencers and Fads
  Cazzie skewers LA wellness culture and her own susceptibility: “All these health people have turned out to be such fucking quacks…” (31:35)
• Info Overload
  “If I do everything that I see online in one day, I would do nothing else.” (30:46)
• Reverse Manifesting & Psychic Anxiety
  She jokes about seeing a psychic for her “reverse manifesting” fears: “She said, ‘You’re not reverse manifesting. You’re predicting.’” (61:48)

7. The MDMA-Assisted Therapy Experience

• Exploring Psychedelic Therapy for Choice Paralysis
  Cazzie hilariously recounts an MDMA session with her therapist to help make life decisions (36:36–40:04):
  • “I tripped so hard…I ended up in her lap, holding both hands, like, clutching. She was like, ‘I have to go to the bathroom.’ I was like, ‘Nope, you’re not allowed to go.’” (38:06–38:30)
  • “It did really help me…You could kind of see the paths and it would give you a certain feeling that you needed in order to have an answer.” (38:42)

8. Relationships, Dating, and Motherhood Pressure

• Ambivalence about Becoming a Parent
  Cazzie discusses worrying about her father’s age, the possible selfishness of having a child, and societal expectations:
  • “I would just be having a child basically for [them] to be able to spend time with my dad.” (57:22)
  • “But I did the math…and my dad could up and die during my kid’s awkward stage, thinking, the kid’s a loser.” (57:35)
• Biological Clock, Fertility, and Freezing Eggs
  The hosts debunk and dissect societal fear-mongering around fertility and the pressure to figure it all out before mid-30s (59:04–59:51).
• Gender Double Standard
  “What’s interesting about men is that they don’t have to think about it until it’s something they want to do. Or are ready for.” (59:39)

9. Comedy, Literary Insecurity & Parental Approval

• Fear of Memoir
  “If people don’t like it, they don’t like your personality. And so, when people don’t like it, you’re getting that on such a larger scale. That feels so bad.” (48:08)
• Comedic DNA
  Cazzie on her dad (Larry David): “It’s like the best thing in the world [to make him laugh]. But it’s better to make my mom laugh, she has the best laugh.” (51:31)
• On Being a “Sad Anne Hathaway”
  “She looks like a tired Anne Hathaway…Walmart Anne Hathaway is a huge compliment.” (54:56–55:07)

10. Death, Superstition, and Jewish Neuroses

• Comfort with Mortality?
  Amanda finds Cazzie’s openness about death unusual: “You are Jewish and this doesn’t track for me.” (55:34)
• Cazzie’s Philosophy
  “I’m definitely scared to die, and I’m definitely scared to live. I don’t think one is less scary than the other.” (56:45)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “My problem since I was born is that I know myself too well and therefore I don’t allow myself to do anything. Like I’m in like prison of my own knowing, you know?” – Cazzie, (16:11)
• “All of these things that are really childish. I’m like, crying because the photo is so ugly. That just really shows you, like, no growth has occurred.” – Cazzie, (20:54)
• “I personally have face dysmorphia…” – Cazzie, (34:03)
• “If I do everything that I see online in one day, I would do nothing else.” – Cazzie, (30:46)
• “I tripped so hard…I ended up in her lap, holding both hands, like, clutching.” – Cazzie, on MDMA therapy (38:06)
• “If people don’t like [the book], they don’t like your personality.” – Cazzie, (48:08)
• “Walmart Anne Hathaway is like a huge compliment.” – Cazzie, (54:58)
• “I’m definitely scared to die, and I’m definitely scared to live. I don’t think one is less scary than the other.” – Cazzie, (56:45)

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Segment Timestamps

• Turning 30 & Existential Pressures: [12:05–16:44]
• Sibling Relationships & Family: [16:52–19:24]
• Birthday Party and Lack of “Growth”: [20:06–21:36]
• Face/Body Dysmorphia: [32:53–35:19]
• Wellness Overload & Reverse Manifesting: [30:26–31:48, 61:36–62:09]
• MDMA-Assisted Therapy: [36:36–40:04]
• Motherhood, Fertility, and Gender Norms: [57:19–59:51]
• Comedy Insecurity & Parental Approval: [48:07–51:31]
• Death & Neuroses: [55:34–56:45]

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Tone & Takeaways

The tone throughout is sharply humorous, deeply self-aware, and disarmingly honest. Both Amanda and Cazzie aren’t afraid to poke fun at their own neuroses and the broader cultural forces acting on millennial women—a blend of therapy-speak, meme-culture, unfiltered anxiety, and striving for authenticity.

In Summary:
Cazzie David’s spiral about turning 30 is not a tale of confident rebirth, but a hilariously honest, refreshingly vulnerable unravelling—and an ultimately relatable observation that (almost) no one ever really has it all together.
Highly recommended for anyone who ever worried about “progress,” felt let down by their birthday party, or googled a celebrity’s age to make themselves feel better—and found it didn’t work.

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Transcript

[A]

The following podcast is a Dear media production.

[B]

Welcome back to the Not Skinny But Not Fat podcast. I'm your host, Amanda Hirsch, and I still can't believe that I get to chat with some of my favorite stars on my very own podcast, where you'll feel like you're just talking shit with your best friends in your living room. Hey, hey, hey, guys. Happy Tuesday. Welcome back to Not Scamming, Not Fat. I'm your host, Amanda. I'm recording this as I just saw the breaking news that ABC is pulling. Taylor Frankie Paul's season of the Bachelorette, which I figured was coming after earlier today, the footage of the 2023 domestic violence incident that started Mormon Wives. Okay? Because if you remember, season one of Mormon Wives started with the. The body cam footage after this altercation, and now the footage is out. It's on tmz. It is so bad. It is so bad. And I have to tell you, like, when I first kind of posted about this, you know, after the second incident happened, which the news broke about a week ago, and the Internet was raging, that she was even hired as the best. And a lot of people in my life, like, people that I know, people from the industry, people, you know, we're feeling kind of sad for her that, like, this is kind of happening to her. And at the end of the day, I think my opinion on it is, like, I just never feel like we have all the facts, you know? And now that there is this video, it is a very evident, obviously, that she's the aggressor and the attacker in this video. But we also see him recording it, and we also see that this is being released on literally two days before the Bachelorette is supposed to air. And we also know that the altercation that happened this year happened in February, yet it was released this week as she was doing, like, the promo for the Bachelorette. So it does seem like, obviously this is not Hulu ABC dropping this, okay? This is the last thing they would do. It's the last thing Taylor or her team would do. So it is definitely what Dakota would do. So I think. I think at the end of the day, the only thing that is evident is that this is the most toxic relationship we've probably ever seen on TV that we've probably ever seen rollout. And it's not even toxic, you know, fun anymore. It's not even toxic. Entertaining tv. This is toxic. Dangerous. This is toxic. Violent. This is toxic, you know, for the kids involved, for the family involved. And I think for me, it's like, I Just my heart goes out and I feel so much sadness over it for the family, you know, So I really find it hard to like call judgment or, or be critical, feel sad. I feel sad for the family and I feel sad for, for her that this is how her life has turned out and this is what's happening and what's rolling out in front of the public eye. Like, that must not be healthy. It's so fudgeing, unhealthy and like, I also feel like she's so overworked and like you. We even saw, like, I, by the way, watch the premiere of the Bachelorette because I got the screen screener and it was very, very good. However, we know from Mormon Wife Season 4 that she literally slept with Dakota the night before going to the Bachelorette. Okay. And that is. Right. It's for her. It's for the season. It's for the guys that are coming on to date her. It was just all bad. But I was sure that the season would be kick ass. Like, I was sure of that. And now obviously we don't have the season. Obviously ABC did the right thing by pulling it. However, in the same breath. Like, I don't think they ever in the history of television hired someone with a public, with a record before. So this was definitely a risk that they were taking. However, she is on one of the leading reality shows and again, it started with this, like, we have to remember the 2023 incident is what started the show and, and people moved on from it. And now that there is footage, we're kind of brought back there. So I just think it's a wild, sad, sad, sad situation that we are literally watching unfold in front of the world. So I just heard. I hope her family, like, heals from this. But obviously, like Hulu made the right decision by, by pulling the season. And let's see what happens next for the franchise. For the franchise. For the franchise of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Anyway, in a sharp turn to today's guest who has nothing to do with this kind of world. I mean, yeah, not with this kind of world, but with the Bachelorette. She is to me, one of the funniest people online. Not only online, but like in life and actually not even online. She's a brilliant writer, creative person. She has a very famous last name and actually the sense of humor of her most hilarious father. I love her writing, her point of view and her demeanor. It cracks me up. Her new book, Delusions was hysterical. Cassie David. Cassie David wrote this book, Delusions, and she took Us down a spiral that she was going down before her 30th birthday. And it is so utterly relatable, which I would assume based on how much I know her, that she would hate that word relatable. But it was so good. I highly, highly recommend reading it or listening to it because she reads it and I am obsessed. Know I love audiobooks, but I loved hearing her voice, read her thoughts. It just makes perfect sense in your brain and was just fantastic. So Cassie David is on the show today and I hope you enjoy our conversation.

[A]

I don't think we should. No, no, we're talking about it. It's like, oh, my.

[C]

Don't worry. The whole thing is going to be about it.

[A]

It's enough already.

[C]

Don't you think Amanda to be like, promotional?

[B]

I would probably be the same as

[C]

you, but I understand the teams.

[A]

It's cheerful, you know, it's not like.

[C]

But I love the COVID Thank you. And it made sense after I was like, oh, the cake. Like, it took me 20 minutes after I finished it.

[A]

Did you see the sticker? Did you read the sticker? No one's been reading the sticker.

[C]

No.

[A]

Yeah. Because like the whole thing's meant to be a joke, you know?

[C]

Where was the sticker?

[A]

It's on the packaging. Like on the box, the cake box. It's like, it's just a quote from the book. It's about how, like, everything that we market today is like edible. And so it's like ironic. That's why the book is a cake.

[C]

I love that.

[A]

The book obsessed with things that are edible.

[C]

Are people obsessed with things that are edible?

[A]

Yeah, because it's like, I mean, I guess the idea is that in the past, like, they. They believed like, sex sells.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

Today it's like anything that's erotic or edible so sells. Yeah, but the edible thing usually, like, resembles C. Oh. If you've noticed, like, all of Hailey Bieber's marketing things are like, they look like come.

[C]

I've never thought about it that way.

[B]

The glazing milk.

[A]

The glazing milk is literally the. The photo of it is just her covered in C.

[C]

No, I literally can't. Oh, my God.

[A]

Right? I think that's true.

[C]

Did we start?

[A]

You got all that Haley dripping and come stuff, Right? Wow. Don't be too hard on me. Don't give me the hard hitting questions, all right?

[C]

I don't do hard hitting.

[A]

Easy on me. I'm scared.

[C]

Are you really? Are you joking?

[A]

No, no. I'm really scared, babe.

[C]

What are you talking about?

[A]

I don't have physical anxiety symptoms though.

[C]

In my life or right now.

[A]

No, like, it doesn't. It doesn't. It's on external. My anxiety, like, I think I sound chill.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because of my voice.

[B]

Right, but you're anxious.

[C]

But are you anxious right now?

[A]

Internally, I'm freaking out.

[C]

No, you seem so chill. You know I have anxiety, right?

[A]

I assume everyone does.

[C]

Yeah. But I have like the real kind, not the like influencer kind.

[A]

I am glad you're chill though, because sometimes when I'm with someone who's like really bubbly.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

My personality just goes dead. And I'm the most boring person ever because I have to make up for their personality. We have to like, be even you.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Otherwise the energy in the room is just like. It's overwhelming.

[C]

So your friends are in like bubbly people.

[A]

No, some of them are. It's just like I have to morph then into a different personality. If they're too bubbly, I go dead.

[C]

Like you are just quiet.

[A]

And if they're chill, I have more of a personality.

[C]

Okay. So if I'm killer now, this is good for you.

[A]

You're giving me a really even keeled chillness.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

That makes me feel like I can be yourself. Not too boring yourself. And maybe myself.

[C]

And maybe yourself.

[A]

We'll see.

[C]

Cassie, David is here. I'm so excited because I feel like we've been supposed to do this for a while.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But I do feel, and I know from your book that I don't know how you feel about this, but I do feel like things end up happening at their best timing. You're not gonna agree with us.

[A]

In life.

[C]

In life.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, maybe, like, I feel like

[C]

this was the best time for us to do this.

[A]

Yeah. No, I agree. Well, anytime it hasn't happened is usually for the best.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

But I would just say that because, like, I. If I did an interview with you in the past, I would hate it by now. And so now I'm feeling better about this existing. But I'll hate it in a couple of years.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then we'll have to do it.

[C]

But we're happy it's happening now.

[A]

Exactly.

[C]

So I did. I listened. Does that. Are you okay with it that I listen to?

[A]

I would have preferred you read it, really. But that's just because when I was in that booth recording it, I was like, no, this is 300 Wave. I complaining.

[C]

Loved your. I've been on an audiobook role.

[B]

So I.

[C]

And I would get annoyed with like narrator is like narrator. Is for like novels you like when

[A]

the author's reading it.

[C]

Right. And then with you, I feel like it was so fun because you would be like, oh my God. You know, you would just like be you. You know, so you, you know how you would say something so I could picture you doing the thing that you were saying because it was you.

[A]

Right.

[C]

So don't hate that. I audiobooked it. I also had two days to do it. Cassie, I really appreciate it and I loved it. It brought me back. Because I think you wrote in the book that like, me talk pretty. But that was my kind of book, like growing up. Yeah, you mean. So this was totally bringing me back since I've been on the thriller run. Like I told you.

[A]

You read a lot of fiction lately.

[C]

Okay, listen.

[A]

And when you're listening to the audiobook, what are you doing? Like, are you going about your life or you're just.

[C]

I'm not like on my phone, which is nice.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Cuz you talk a lot about the. The phone, the phone, the phone. I'm not on my phone, but I could be cleaning my room. I could be putting my baby to sleep.

[B]

Awesome time to listen.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm like, take however you need. Take however long you need.

[A]

I really recommend going in the laser mask.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Because there's not much you can do in there.

[C]

The red light therapy. Yeah, I just started it. By the way, you're so ahead of me on like skin care. It's crazy.

[A]

I'm really mentally ill, so it's not really a good thing.

[C]

Well, you guys, in this book, you're spiraling about your 30th birthday and you take us along for this crazy ass spiral. Is that how you would describe it?

[A]

Yeah. I do think it's kind of essays in the form of existential. It's like one long existential crisis.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. And were you really feeling that intensely about this birthday?

[A]

Yeah, I, you know, there's so many tropes about turning 30. Like there's so many cliches about it and I'm really not one to kind of buy into a cliche. And yet, like, I still was like fully jump scared by this birthday. And just the pressures that I felt just, I was like, oh my God. Like you, I have to get my entire life together in a year. Like everything I've been putting off since college graduation, you know, I have to do it now. Otherwise, you know, your life might not go as you planned.

[C]

Right.

[A]

And I feel like a lot of my friends, everyone kind of was experiencing a Different type of this pressure, like, whether it was they needed to freeze their eggs or find a partner, you know, switch careers or, like, they were following their dream for a really long time, and they were like, this is just actually not happening, and I need to start being realistic.

[C]

So what was the scariest thing about turning 30 for you?

[A]

Yeah, I think it was just the realization that.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

Like, I'm like, it's not inappropriate for me to have a child now, you know? Right.

[C]

The lore, like, Gilmore thing cracked me up. Your Google searches. I loved how, in this book, like, you would tell the reader, like, every Google search you did because, like, it's so embarrassing, but it's so, like, I literally like thinking about when to have a second kin. I'd be like, when did Kourtney Kardashian have Mason? You know what I mean? Like, truly. Yeah, base my. And I'll be at 31.

[B]

That's fine.

[A]

You know, like, every time you watch a movie, I'm, like, looking up the actor's age when she played that role.

[C]

Right.

[A]

To see if there's still time.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know? For what? For me to, like, be a movie star. Like, no, time's over. Not happening.

[C]

So you, in this book, you Googled how old Lorelei and how old Rory was, How old Lorelei was? 32.

[A]

32, yeah.

[C]

You felt like you were getting closer to her?

[A]

Well, at first I was like, oh, you know, that's okay, because she's a young mom, you know, but she's only a young mom because she has a teen kid. And it's like, I. Even if I'm 32, which I basically am now.

[C]

Right.

[A]

I wouldn't be a young mom. I would just be a regular mom.

[B]

Right.

[C]

I know.

[A]

That was kind of upsetting. And just the fact that if I did date, like, a young man right now, it would be like. It's almost like he could tell his friends, like, I'm with a. I'm with an older woman.

[C]

We couldn't wait.

[A]

So now I'm almost.

[C]

You're almost there, but 31. Now you're 31, not 32. Don't jump ahead in my life.

[A]

Sorry. I have a few months left.

[C]

How's that feeling? Like, are you. Did you. Are you. Like, I overreacted about the 30 thing. It's fine. In this era. Decade.

[A]

Yeah. I feel like all of the things I was told about being 30, which started to feel like, you know, fake at one point, like, everyone would just tell you, like, it's so much better.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, you're gonna love it. Yeah, I'd be like, that's weird. Like, do you have to that you know that you, you, your ego will have quieted and you will no longer care about what people think and you might not be so obsessed with how you look or all of these things, or you'll be confident. It's like maybe, maybe a little bit better. You know, I, I think I was thinking like at the stroke of midnight, I would become a different person.

[C]

Right.

[A]

And I obviously, like when I turned 30, I happened to be like scrolling on Instagram and I was like, it didn't happen. I'm still the same.

[C]

Well, I think what the, what I to about the 30s, I will say like, not like turning 30, but the 30s is like, you know yourself better kind of vibes, like you're making decisions like, like maybe like 32 year old Kazi wouldn't throw the birthday party because she'd be like, I know myself and I don't like birthday parties, so why would I do a birthday party? You know? Like, I feel like it's that knowing yourself. You know what I mean?

[A]

My problem since I was born is that I know myself too well and therefore I don't allow myself to do anything. Like I'm in like prison of my own knowing, you know?

[C]

Yeah, well, I know now because I listened to the book and, and you

[A]

made me anxious, but that's part of what it was. Is that like, to be. To realize I was really in charge of my own fate when you like, come up against all these like, hard choices when you start turning this age?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And like, I know how stupid I am, so to know that I'm in charge of my own fate was the thing that really freaked me out.

[C]

But so now that you're in it, are you like, are you feeling the 30s? Are you going to be giving advice to somebody like when you turn 30?

[A]

Well, it's funny because my sister's 30th birthday was yesterday.

[C]

Oh, not.

[A]

She's not happy about my publishing date.

[C]

No, she's not.

[B]

No.

[C]

I thought she posted for you this morning. She did.

[A]

That was really big.

[C]

That was. Yeah, all caps.

[A]

My mom asked me to make a toast at her birthday and I was like, don't you think I have enough going on? Like I can't memorize a toast? And then obviously I should have just given the toast.

[C]

Wait, didn't you show up to her birthday? I saw in your story. Yeah, but didn't you make it about your book?

[A]

Yeah, well, I needed everyone at the birthday party to buy the book, to

[C]

like pre order it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I was shaking down all the tape.

[C]

Was she upset?

[A]

She, she was. Had a really good sense of humor about it.

[C]

Oh, she did?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You. You write about her in the book too. And you sound, you sound super opposite, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like you're not same days. No, you're more your dad, she's more your mom.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I think that we, we have qualities of both our parents, but like ultimately we're polar opposites in terms of like how we see the world. But she's just as anxious and neurotic, but just about really different things.

[C]

Are you like best friends?

[A]

No. I think that's been actually a point of contention in our relationship where she's been like, why can't we be best friends?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's just like, like we're just not. Like we just can't be best friends. Really? No. I'm just, I think such a contrarian that like when someone wants something so badly from me, I can't give it to them.

[C]

Stop.

[A]

So I keep telling her, like, you should just like start hating me and not wanting to be my friend and then I'll want to be your best friend.

[C]

Wait, you're older? Yeah, you're older. But like only. What's the age difference between two years?

[A]

She loves when people think she's older though, and they all do.

[C]

Why would she love that?

[A]

Because it's not about like what she looks like. She just comes off a lot more evolved than I do.

[C]

Uh huh.

[A]

You know, like she's, she's really good at talking to adults. I don't know why I said adults. Like people are.

[C]

You're a child, you're a baby.

[A]

So people tend to think she's older. Yeah, she's a lot. She's a little bit more, you know, reserved and she has really good manners and. And I'm kind of a disaster.

[C]

And is she not in this world at all?

[A]

She is. She did journalism for a while and now she's doing oral history stuff.

[C]

So she's. Is she. Does she make fun of you that you're like in the entertainment world and.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. She's not into it.

[A]

No.

[C]

That's cool though.

[A]

Yeah. I feel like there should only be one person from each family that's allowed to enter the entertainment industry.

[C]

Like if she was into it also, you would be like, I think I

[A]

wouldn't be able to do it. You would like take a bow because it's too embarrassing. Like we can't have two. Two of us can't both be trying to do the same thing. I would really have to pivot at

[C]

the end when you end up having your birthday party. I was cracking up at so many times. So many times in this book. I was. But, like, I know you're gonna hate this word, but, like, you are relatable. You know? Like, there's so many things that are. Like, that would so be me. Like, sorry you had to come. You can leave. You know, like, it's just like, I. I. Because I told you when you walked in, like, the book made me anxious because I was just feeling all those feelings, like, how I would feel, you know, with the room half empty. Was it really half emp. Like the birthday party?

[A]

Yeah. No. There was not enough people there to make it feel normal.

[C]

Was it at a place? Yeah, it was at, like, you rented out.

[A]

We rented out a place. Like, can you think of anything more embarrassing? Like me renting out a place?

[C]

Like, what do you think they made you do it? Your friends made you throw a party for your 30th, and on the day you have a. A mental. Like, this is where it really came to a head.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

The mental breakdown.

[A]

Well, it just occurred to me that, like, I'm not someone. I'm not normal, and so I can't have a party. But it was just so silly because it's the idea that, you know, you're. You're watching this. Basically all of the essays are over the course of this year, and there's clearly no growth that happens throughout the entire year.

[C]

Right.

[A]

I'm trying really hard to become more mature.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But it's not happening. And so the birthday at the end is really in a culmination of, like, all of these things, because I am not mature enough to have a party because I'm, like, throwing a fit. I'm trying to get an Instagram photo to, like, make my ex jealous. Like, all of these things that are really childish. I'm, like, crying because the photo is so ugly. That just really shows you, like, no growth has occurred.

[C]

I know. Wait, so that's how. Okay, now I'm getting why it's a joke. Because the. The. The full title of the book is Delusions of Grandeur of Romance, of Progress. Like, what progress?

[A]

We're saying it's a.

[C]

It's a version of delusion of the progress.

[A]

There's no progress.

[B]

We'll be right back after the break. Okay, so we've all seen Bloom Nutrition everywhere. Like, the influencers are influencing, like, it just is all my fyp. Okay? But not for no reason, because Bloom is the number one greens brand in the USA. It's made with 32 functional superfoods, vitamins, minerals, digestive enzymes and more. All we need for our gut, our gut, which is the brain of our body. It's the second brain because we have one brain, but you get it. So this is the way to get your greens in without pretending you're someone who's going to like make it yourself. And how many times did I think I was going to like buy a juicer? Like, I can't even frickin tell you this way. You know you're getting all your greens in with that one drink, okay? And you know that you're supporting your gut health. You're helping yourself with bloating and you just feel better. I promise. 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[A]

What were you like when you were turning 30? Like, did you have a partner already?

[C]

I did.

[B]

That's the thing.

[C]

Like, I feel like because I was with my husband since I was like 22.

[A]

And when did you get married?

[C]

27 and 1. Okay. Which, like, I feel like doesn't represent who I am.

[A]

You know, you're like, you're cooler than

[C]

having been getting married at 20, 30. So much cooler than getting married at 27. He is just like old fashioned. And like, didn't. I was like, okay, but yeah, it doesn't represent me, but also made it so, like my experience. Like, I didn't have that experience, you know, But I do remember taking a photo of me at the 1 Hotel Miami, like floating on my back being like last day of 29, like such a big deal. But. And then like at 30 being like, how does it feel you ask? Feels like. But I do like the 30s. I will say, yeah, I do like the 30s. And I think it is. You're right. It's like this club of like 30s are better than 20s because you did so much dumb in your twin. Did you do dumb in your twin?

[A]

Really dumb in high school and then the first year of college and after that I really got my together.

[C]

Yeah, you sound like two together now.

[A]

Well, mentally, no. Mentally, I'm not like doing drugs.

[C]

No, not doing drugs. You're not drinking. You say in the book, I barely drink.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And you're not eating dinner out. Barely. Which is where I was going to tell you we're gonna have a problem with our friendship. Like, what are we gonna do? We. You can't.

[A]

You don't. I can cook for you.

[C]

You can cook that oatmeal?

[A]

Is that boring for you to come over for a home cooked meal?

[C]

Is that. What do you do with your friends?

[A]

Yeah, I, I have to lure them over to my house. Really?

[C]

So you're.

[A]

Sometimes they make up something that's going on so they Are, like, more enticed.

[C]

Like, you'll throw, like, a. I'll be

[A]

like, oh, my God. Some. Someone just got here. I can't tell you who it is, but you're gonna freak out, and you need to come over right now.

[C]

And then you'll cook like, a what? Like grilled chicken?

[A]

No, I don't cook chicken because I'm too scared.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Gonna get everywhere.

[C]

Okay. It's like chicken is gonna get everywhere.

[A]

Like, you can't touch the chicken, and then you can't touch the sink, and then I. That's just.

[C]

Okay, so how do you get the protein? Is it, like, tofu?

[A]

Oh, no, I don't really eat that much tofu, so I don't really like to discuss.

[C]

You don't like to discuss what you eat?

[A]

No, I eat regular stuff.

[C]

Like what? Oh, my God. Is it weird stuff? Is it, like, sardines?

[A]

Wouldn't be. I do really like sardine. Of course you would like sardines. Algorithms, all sardines now. It's like, how did I get on this sardine algorithm? Are you seeing this?

[C]

No. No.

[A]

Really?

[C]

No.

[A]

This is what sucks about the phone. And I kind of want to have a talk with Instagram about it, because we're all in pain from our algorithm. Right? But we should just all have the same one so we can at least talk to each other about it. Like, we are all living in completely different universes with our algorithm.

[C]

It's true. Wait, but if you're back to the sardines, because I thought you weren't allowed to eat out of tin cans.

[A]

So the tins. I am concerned about the sardines. I think I have to go fish them myself.

[C]

Wait, babe, you are my mom, by the way.

[A]

Really?

[C]

My mom would love you. First, I'm give her the book to read because she's gonna die over the. Because you talk a lot about, like, the health and wellness and implementing all that into your life, which, like, by the way, that's. It's a positive thing.

[A]

Well, I just think the advice economy has become so insane, and it really has become this disguise for the attention economy because everyone is just making content, like, telling you how to live your life.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's like, this isn't for me, you know? Like. Like, you're not telling me to do this and this. Like, that's not for me. That's for you to make a video about.

[C]

Right. And to get engagement.

[A]

And it's like, oh, my God, if I do everything that I see online in one day, like, I would. I would do nothing else.

[C]

But you just in terms of.

[A]

Just in terms of, like, what parts of the body I'm supposed to touch, but for lymphatic.

[C]

But you did learn so much from online. No.

[A]

Yeah, but, like, all.

[C]

You know this. No. The amount of knowledge you have about, like, the toxins is too much. That made me really anxious. Like, fine. I don't have Teflon. Okay. I got rid of the Teflon, but I didn't know about tinfoil.

[A]

Yeah, tinfoil's not good, but everything's not good. But then in two years, we're gonna find out that the thing you replace the tinfoil with is also right. So it's just like, it's never gonna be okay.

[C]

But you made this a very big part of your life, like, keeping up with the health.

[A]

I'm just very impressionable and very scared. And what's crazy is that all of these, like, health people have turned out to be, like, such fucking quacks. And, like, are on in the Epstein files, are, like, horrible. So it's, like, great.

[C]

You know, you went through stages of, like, somebody told you you're porous.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You're not.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

I've been working really hard, actually, and minimizing the pores. I can't believe somebody said that to you. You made me look at mine. But it's so true. Like, as I was listening to the book, I was literally, the. This week, everyone's gonna hate my husband, but he deserves it. We were, like, in the car, and, you know, the car always has the best lighting. He was like, oh, you have, like, lines here. And I go. I do. And I, like, pull down the thing, and I'm like. And then I see, like, no, legit. I do. And it was what? First of all, I was premenstrual. So, like, God help him, like, what he went through because of that little, like.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

Like, oh, I was raging. I cried. Not that day, but after. When I realized what it had done to me, that I was, like, looking it up, that I was, like, looking what you can do that. I was, like, freaking out. And then when I cried, I was like, do you know what happened to me because of that comment?

[A]

Well, that's what's crazy is that it becomes actually so magnified. It's like, not really a thing. Right. But you hyper focus on it.

[C]

That's what you were talking about. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And then you just obsessively think about it and see it for however long

[C]

and nobody else cares.

[A]

No.

[C]

And you went through it. What was it? The pores.

[A]

I've had a life. By the way, that essay could have. I could still be writing that essay. The whole book could have been that one essay. Because it's just about what you're paying

[C]

attention to, what you're paying attention to until you focus on something else.

[A]

But it's weird.

[C]

It's like, if one of your lines was like, how was I walking around with these eye bags that were floating away? I don't know how you said it, but you were like, I'm just. Oh, no. I'm just a body attached.

[A]

Like, my body attached. Two hammocks. Yeah. Underneath where my eyeballs lay.

[C]

But it's, like, crazy how these things are things You. You're right. You go. You're like, how did I go around living my life like this? And then the one day you notice it, and it's like all you can notice. But it's kind of like if. Like, you didn't know somebody and now you know them, you're going to see them everywhere. It's the same vibe.

[A]

I personally have face dysmorphia. Obviously, a lot of people have body dysmorphia. I met someone the other night who was like, I have hair dysmorphia. And I was like, what is that? And they were like, I don't know how my hair looks good. Like, I don't know in what way. And I think it looks good when it looks horrible. And when it looks like, good, I freak out. And I'm just, like, obsessed with my hair. And I'm like, that would be a prison.

[C]

Like, you got her. You got. You understood her. Yeah. I was like, you weren't judging.

[A]

So sorry, that sounds horrible.

[C]

But, I mean, listen, we all. We all do it, but with the face dysmorphia, I feel like I know this book. It's so funny, and it's so. But you really, like, talked about something I feel like nobody talks about, which is, like, we hear about body dysmorphia, and we don't really hear about face dysmorphia. Face dysmorphia, or, like, it's part of our body. So I guess it's body. It's.

[A]

Well, I think it's like, it's. It happens in the same form. Right. So, like, any of the thoughts you have about whatever it is, whether it's on your face or on your body or, like, what you look like, it's just what you look like. Right. And it's obsessing about something that's like. Like doesn't matter. And that totally takes over. And, like, really is like, an illness because it goes so far and takes over your life if you can't think about anything else besides this one.

[C]

Right.

[A]

It's just like, you know, you've gone too far. I think we're all kind of thinking the same thing.

[C]

Yeah. Like, we're all the therapists, you know, the. My parents, the mdma.

[A]

Yeah. That's really funny. So I really was in, like, a place where. Because you have to make these hard choices at this age, I felt, like, frozen. Like, I had this choice paralysis where you have, like, these two things. You don't know what you were doing. I was, like, in a relationship, I didn't know if I wanted to, like, be single, do this. Like, I didn't know what I wanted to do. And, like, the looming pressure of this decade, like, really made me feel like I had to make a choice. Because you don't, like, maybe you didn't, like, know immediately, you know, with all this, like, the one you know. You know.

[C]

Oh, the one, you know.

[A]

You know, we got in my head, it's like, oh, well, I don't know.

[C]

Right.

[A]

You know, Even though Socrates said, the only thing I know is that I know nothing.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, if Socrates doesn't know, like, why you don't think, you know, Because

[C]

I think when people say when you know, you know, they're really young.

[A]

Yeah. And stupid.

[C]

Yeah. Because I was 27. You know, like, as you get older, you know, more.

[A]

Right. And you know that.

[C]

You know that it's hard to make a decision, you know, that you don't know. Yeah.

[A]

Well, I was recommended to do this MDMA journey with my therapist. Yeah. And she was like, it helps people make choices. It helps you, like, come into your, like, spirituality and, like, who you are at your core. And I was like, okay.

[C]

That didn't scare you?

[A]

Well, I had done cocaine once, and

[C]

I told you it's the same.

[A]

And I didn't feel anything. And I kind of felt like, mdma, it's also powder. It's an upper. I was like, it's gonna be the same, and if a therapist is giving it to me.

[C]

Right.

[A]

It can't be that crazy.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, if anything, I thought I would have to, like, fake having some kind of grand insight.

[C]

Right.

[A]

To not make her feel bad.

[C]

So you have scheduled.

[A]

So she. She wants to prep me. She's like, you know, some people, they. They want to hold my hand. They want to talk a lot. They don't want to talk at all. Like, everyone's different. And I was like, well, I'm not going to hold your hand, by the way. In my mind, it's like, not the apocalypse itself. Would I be holding my therapist? We don't have that kind of relationship. I'm not really a hand holder. Anyways, we did it. And I, like, tripped out, like, in

[C]

her office, in, like, this one room. Oh, at your house? Okay. Thank God.

[A]

Came over and she was, like, getting everything. She, like, lit a candle and I was like, this is not a big deal. Like, I'm gonna have to fake being on drugs. That's gonna be the worst part of this. You know, I took it and I. I just tripped so hard.

[C]

No.

[A]

And I ended up. This is not a joke. In her lap. In her lap, like this. Holding both hands, like, clutching. She was like, I have to go to the bathroom. I was like, nope, you're not allowed to go to the bathroom. No, no, no, you can't leave. And. And she'd be like, can I just take this? Nope. Like, both hands the whole time. And I, by the way, have had a hard time looking at her since after because I'm so embarrassed by my.

[C]

Did you come to decisions?

[A]

She was like, maybe we did a little too much.

[C]

No.

[A]

Sensitive viewer. It did really help me, really. But it was so.

[C]

Wait, what do you mean it really helped you?

[A]

You could just really, like, if you really asked yourself a question, you could kind of see the paths and it would give you a certain feeling that you needed in order to, like, have an answer.

[C]

So did she, like, when you weren't in her lab clutching her hands, was she, like, guiding you to think about this question?

[A]

Yeah, she was helping me.

[C]

Where the question was, like, whether you want to, like, end the relationship or keep it going.

[A]

It was like. It was. Yeah, it was like, about the. My true fear of being in my 30s and like, what I want to do with this long term relationship or in all of these different things. And I just really. It was just crazy.

[C]

Did you. Your parents.

[A]

I can't recommend it because it really was. Was such a big deal. I thought it was not going to be a big deal. Yeah, it's a big deal.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Also, people I told that I was doing it to, they were like, that's kind of a big deal. Are you sure? And I was like, it's not a big deal. Like, I've done cocaine once. Sorry, mom. You.

[C]

When I think of mdma, which I haven't done.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I picture the Jon Hamm thing from the club.

[A]

Well, that's if you're in the club, Right. If you're alone with your therapist.

[C]

Terrifying.

[A]

I imagine it's a little different.

[C]

Right.

[A]

But I just. Afterwards, like, five days of me just, like, pacing around.

[C]

No, the first of all, the. The aftermath. Anxiety would scare me.

[A]

Yeah. Like, so present. So if you're. If you've never been in your body. Like, I've never been in my body before, ever. 30 years. Never once in my body. I was dropped in. And she said, that's why I had a really bad reaction, because I was dropped in my body.

[C]

So when you were dropped in for days, what did that feel like?

[A]

Like anything's interesting. Like, I could have, like, looked at this microphone for, like, 10 minutes.

[C]

You know those girls in movies that, like, touch everything?

[A]

No.

[C]

Like, that. You don't know. Oh, my God, that's so something you would know.

[A]

They're like this, like, you know when, like. Oh, yeah, I know exactly.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Like.

[C]

Yeah, they touch it. They close up to a room. They, like, touch it.

[A]

Yeah, I know what you're saying.

[C]

You were touching everything.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Benefit. Like.

[A]

Okay. Because it felt good.

[C]

Just because, like, were you in your head? You were in your body? Were you in your head? Were you like, I'm freaking out. Am I okay? Am I selling drugs?

[A]

You can't even go on your phone because it's so. For the first time, you. You understand how overstimulating it is. It's like, too much. And then after five days, I could go on my phone again. And I just. I locked into that, and I was like, forget that stuff. And I'm just back to how I was before.

[C]

You won't be doing it again.

[A]

I think it's going to be kind of like writing the second book that I will have to forget how bad it was.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

To do it again.

[B]

We'll be right back after the break. I become all about quality over quantity nowadays with everything. Like, just, like, get rid of everything. Leave me just the good stuff. In life, but mostly in clothes. In my wardrobe, I just want to have pieces that I, in stylist terms, pull for. Like, I want to pull for pieces that I. I can access easily, that I know that I love to wear, that I can wear and re. Wear again. And for me, the best. Best place to shop for those items is quince. If you don't know about quince, it's literally my staple. It's well made, it's versatile, and that's what makes it worth it to me. Okay. Fabrics are elevated, cuts are thoughtful and the pricing makes sense. Like 50 cashmere sweaters that I wear and re wear again. Okay. European linen, 100 silk organic cotton, lightweight cotton cashmere like I was telling you. And just amazing things for spring that are well made and make getting dressed simple. Simple chic is the style to go for nowadays. Okay, Stop waiting to build the wardrobe you actually want. You don't need a closet full of options. You need good pieces that work for you time and time again. And I'm telling you, Quince has it all and more. You gotta check it out right now. Go to quince.com not skinny for free shipping and 365 day return. That's a full year for you to wear it it and love it. And you will now available in Canada too. So don't keep settling foreclose that don't last. Go to quince.com/not skinny for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com/not skinny let's be real shopping. Not as easy or fun as it sounds anymore. It's like let's go shopping. Like that mean girl scene. Get in B. We're going shopping. No, not fun. Harsh lighting, annoying. Sweaty. For me, I just want to feel good in my clothes and I want them delivered to my home. And you know what? Top that off with somebody choosing the clothes for me. Top that off with free shipping, free returns, labels included. Thank you. That is Stitch Fix. Yeah. It's not a fantasy. This is a real, real, real deal. Stitch Fix. Okay. Stitch Fix is a company that you fill out a quiz on their website answering kind of like what you like to wear, your style, everything gets into specifics. They then match you with a stylist, a real one, no AI. And then the stylist sends you clothes that fit your vibe, your body and your budget. Shopping without the hassle, you guys. That's how it works. It's no risk, all style. And you can get a personalized fix box straight to your door and try it all on in the comfort of your home. Like I said, shipping and returns are always free and there is no subscription required. Don't you love that? Everything is subscription nowadays. Plus you can get a free try on for your first fix. So that means you get the outfits, you try it on. What you like, you keep. And that's what you pay for it. What you don't, your return for free and you don't pay for it. Love it. Yes. Get started today@stitch fix.com not skinny to get 20 off your first order. That's stitch fix.com not skinny. So this winter has probably been the roughest around my house. But all houses, everybody's sick, the weather is insane all the time. One of the staples in country has been wet or spoon. Have you heard of Manuka Honey? If you haven't, that's okay. But let me tell you why I'm obsessed with it. So Wetter Spoon specifically is the number one selling Manuka Honey in the US and once you try it, you'll know why Manuka Honey, if you don't know about it, this is not your regular Squeeze Bear honey. It's elevated, she's special. And Wetterspoon specifically is one of the only USDA organic Manuka Honey brands on the market. It's exclusively sourced from New Zealand and is amazing. It's a natural prebiotic, so it supports your gut health and immunity and coats and soothes your throat, which is why I was telling you great for the season, changing all of that and just essential for anyone who, you know, cares about their wellness or if you experience dry throat from talking all day, like myself. I love like a chamomile honey squeeze, some lemon and a teaspoon of Wetter spoon. Okay. A teaspoon of wetterspoon. Say that 17 times. It's so easy to add this to your daily routine and add to your wellness routine. You could add it to your, like I said, the tea, the smoothie, the yogurt all the time, or lick it off the damn spoon. It's just so naturally delicious. So amazing. They have cough drops as well that are sweetened with Manuka. You're going to love it. You're going to love it. Of course, everything by Wetter spoon is non gmo, free of antibiotics and glossophates, so you could feel good about every freaking drizzle. Get your taste of New Zealand sunshine today by visiting wetterspoon.com use code not skinny20 at checkout for 20% off your order or shop nationwide at Whole Foods Market Kit and Amazon. That's wetterspoon.com and use code not skinny20 for 20% off your order of a Wetter Spoon Manuka Honey. So I'm very picky about supplements, as you know. Like, I'm not taking 12,000 things a day that are random and just like throwing them at the wall with ritual. I've always been very specific about, like for my prenatal. I've always loved ritual. Also for my postnatal. They're just such a simple and Transparent company. And they also have an essential for women multivitamin. So really, it's supporting women, like, through every stage of their lives. And I love that you can see where ingredients come from. Okay. They're essential for women. Multivitamin has everything you need in one place. And you can literally see where all the ingredients come from. Which, sorry, but, like, is that not the standard for everyone? It is made with high quality nutrients. Your body can actually absorb omega 3 DHA, vitamin D. And it's designed to support all the things, as women that we need, like energy, brain health, and just feeling like a functioning human. My favorite part about ritual, no weird aftertaste, no nausea, no fishy taste. The capsules are delayed release. So gentle on the tummy, which, you know, I need. They also have this mint tab in there that keeps it extra, extra fresh. When it comes to pregnancy and postpartum support, you want products backed by research and transparency. Mom founded Ritual, puts in the work and shows you the preference.

[A]

Proof.

[B]

Save 25 off your first [e-mail] not skinny. That's ritual.com not skinny for 25 off your first month. And we're back. Yeah.

[C]

So writing another book for you, even though the first one, I mean, it did so well.

[A]

It was.

[C]

It was a bestseller and like number one or two or something. You're like, I don't even know. Did you think you wouldn't write another book after the first book?

[A]

I had no. I was like, there's no way I'll ever do this again.

[C]

So what? Tell me how this.

[A]

First of all, if you are writing a memoir or humor essays, when people don't like it, it's not that they don't even like your book or they, like, don't like your writing. They like. They don't like you.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

They're like, I actually don't like this personality. And so when people don't like it, you're getting that, you know, on such a larger scale, that feels so bad.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So to write memoir again, when you know that if people don't like it, it's that they don't like your personality. It's so much worse than writing fiction, I think.

[C]

And do you are you're one of those people that takes, like, the negative comments way more than the. You'll see, like, positive, positive, positive. One negative thing will get to you.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Are you more scared about this one than the first one?

[A]

I think I'm less naive now. And so I. I know how much can go wrong. I know how bad it can Get. Whereas the first one, I was so. I was pretty young.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Didn't know what I was doing.

[C]

So what made you do it? Then? Again, I forgot. You forgot. And you felt some. Like you started writing during this year of almost turning 30. Like you were just writing.

[A]

I started writing and they all kind of fit into this one theme. And I found this kind of juxtaposition between, like, the severity of these decisions that people at this age need to make and kind of the lack of wisdom to make them very funny and, like, just ripe for comedy. And so I was like, there's a whole world of stuff I could write.

[C]

No, it's literally so good. I was also thinking, like, I feel like, everything. There was so many different themes that, like, hit so hard about, like, there was something about, like, when we get older, then we get the. The wiseness. Get wiser, but we don't have, like, the youngness.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Anymore.

[A]

It's like, which would you rather?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

For me, wiseness is. Has never felt good. Reminds me how unwise I was.

[C]

First of all, you calling yourself stupid all the time is so annoying because you're so not stupid and you're so smart and you write so beautifully. You know what I mean?

[A]

Thank you. Trying to take compliments now that I'm 30. I really appreciate that. Because you're accept.

[C]

Because, like, stupid is not one of the things.

[A]

I guess it depends who you're around.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I think when I'm around stupid people. Yeah, I am. I'm thinking, yeah, I am kind of smart.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, but when I'm around smart people, I'm like, holy shit. I'm like, dumb as hell.

[C]

But are you around smart people a lot?

[A]

Someone asked me in an interview the other day, they go, how do you feel? You know, about the literary community in la? And I was like, I don't even know what that means. Like, can you rephrase that? Like, what's a. What is that? Is that people who read together?

[C]

Like, I've never been.

[A]

I don't think that's what she meant.

[C]

They never invited me. Yeah, but the thing is, you can answer and be funny.

[A]

Me, I can try.

[C]

You can try?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Speaking of being funny, like, how good does it feel to make your dad laugh?

[A]

Oh, my God. It's like the best thing in the world. Yeah, but it's. It's better to make my mom laugh. Really? Yeah, because she has the best laugh. You can really hear her, like, throughout the entire crowd. Even if everyone's laughing, you can hear her laughing. Oh, you may have noticed that she hasn't laughed once since we've been here.

[C]

Wait, your mom's here?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Why? What? I didn't meet her. Hi. Oh, so you had to say. Oh, no, we. A laugh track would be nice. Do you feel like people sometimes don't get yourself a sense of humor?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like all the time. It's 50 50. But I know instantly if someone's going to understand or not.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. Like a complete stranger. I. I know if I can joke with them or not. I don't think I thought. I think my mom at least felt like I was a very disturbed kid. And then when I started to actually write and make it funny when I was old enough to do that, she maybe had a sense of relief, like, oh, thank God she's not just like this freak. Different freak. And then, yeah, then I realized I could actually make this, you know, wretched personality useful. I was just so miserable. I was a kid. Like, I was really miserable. Yeah. I did not want to be alive.

[C]

Truly.

[A]

Yeah, I was really upset to be

[C]

alive, like at school. Were you. Did you have friends?

[A]

I had friends, but I was miserable.

[B]

You were miserable?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

My God, my poor bb.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Thank you for your See why you're smart. Because I was too dumb to be miserable.

[A]

But that's.

[C]

You know what I mean?

[A]

That's what you want.

[C]

No, of course. You're like, ignorance is bliss. Is a real thing you should strive for, you know?

[A]

No, I feel like there was this witch that like, has to shadow over all of life to make terrifying. And I'm trying to outgrow the witch now.

[C]

And has it been, like, slowly. Have you been slowly outgrowing it?

[A]

No, no, obviously not.

[C]

How are you, like, when you date? Like, Kazi goes on a first date.

[A]

No, she doesn't go. It's really like this. This was a first date. There's no difference.

[C]

Like you rather I go on a

[A]

first date and I'm like, I can't eat anything here. And also like, I can't have a drink drink because I don't want to, you know, have alcohol right now. They're like, are you sober? No, just. Just not wanting it. It's the least fun thing you could possibly.

[C]

A date.

[A]

Oh my God.

[C]

For like coffee, I guess. Are we drinking coffee now?

[A]

I'll drink the coffee. But like, where are the beans from? You know, not having the milk. Whatever they're coming away with after that is that this person is a freak. And like, I can't.

[C]

But like, I don't think, would you want to date somebody that like shares your interest in toxic or non toxic coffee beans?

[A]

I think there needs to be a balance. Like, I don't want it to be so much opposite where they are like Katie McDonald's, that, that the coffee beans are then mixing and I. And I'm getting secretly like poisoned by accident. So we have to have some similarity. Yeah, yeah. We have to agree.

[C]

You know what else cracked me up? The depressed version of Anne Hathaway.

[A]

Thank you. Yeah, that's. That was.

[C]

So you saw people posting about it or you came to this conclusion?

[A]

No, I've gotten that comment a lot. They'll be like, she looks like a tired Anne Hathaway. Or she. She seems like a miserable Anne Hathaway. I've also, I've gotten Walmart.

[C]

Have you taken it as a compliment?

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, like Walmart. And Hathaway is like a huge compliment.

[C]

No, not Walmart, but like the sad one. I wouldn't mind.

[A]

Oh, sad is great. Sad and Hathaway.

[C]

Yeah, like mysterious for sure.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I'll take that any day.

[C]

You need to do karma video of your own. Yeah, that'd be funny.

[A]

Yeah. Karma, Karma. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

You could pull it off because you're twinsies.

[A]

Great. Thank you.

[C]

Another thing that I was thinking about throughout this is that because I told you there were parts of it that made me anxious, is that you feel comfortable talking about death a lot.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And you are Jewish and this doesn't track for me.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yes. We're so superstitious. We knock on wood. We were like, God willing, we'll live like that. You know what I mean? And you're like, death, death, death. I'm gonna die in my grave, in my funeral. And I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Are you knocking on wood?

[A]

Like, I do knock on wood quite a bit. But only if I say something good. Like I'm superstitious if I say something good. If I say something bad, I'm not gonna knock on wood.

[C]

If you say something good.

[A]

Like if I say I'm gonna die, obviously I am. Why do I need to knock on wood?

[C]

So you. Okay, so if you're like, my book is getting published, you'll knock on wood.

[B]

In case it doesn't.

[C]

You don't want to jinx that.

[A]

That if someone said, your book's gonna do great, I would freak out. I'd say, go, go, go. Knock your head against wood. Right. You know, but I'm just have like a. I have a 360 awareness of just, like, the future and the past and the present. And so it's, like, really hard to not be thinking about all of these things all at the same time. You know what I mean? Everything everywhere, all at once. But how do you get sounded like, like.

[C]

Like you're not scared.

[A]

It's something. I'm not scared.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Even I'm not scared to talk about it.

[C]

To die.

[A]

I'm definitely scared to die, and I'm definitely scared to live. I don't think one is less scary than the other.

[C]

I know when you were talking about thinking about having a kid, which, by the way, let's give it. You were like. In this section, you were like, you're gonna think this is sweet. Some of you. And I was like, it was so sweet. You were talking about one of the pressures you feel about, like, the thoughts of having kids is that your dad is getting. And you want him to be around because. Sorry, Mom. He's my favorite person in the entire world. That was, first of all, so sweet.

[A]

Thanks. The problem is that he doesn't care about having grandchildren.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So it's like, me, I would just be having a child basically for them to be able to spend time with my dad.

[C]

Right.

[A]

It's not a good reason to have a child.

[C]

It's not.

[A]

And then I would have a kid, and he wouldn't even care about it.

[C]

Right, Right.

[A]

But I did the math, and it's like, I would really have to have a kid, you know, now. And even then, it might just. My dad could up and die, like, during my kid's awkward stage, thinking, the kid's a loser. So I really have to do the math better, where it's like, the kid either has to be younger or it has to be able to be older, which is why I care a lot about my kids.

[C]

Like that. Like, when maybe like, so your dad's

[A]

really old before it turns into a loser.

[B]

Yeah, Right?

[C]

Still cute stage. And these were thoughts that really were going through your head, like, about the whole baby thing.

[A]

Oh, for sure. Yeah.

[C]

Did you share that with him?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

And was he like, I don't care.

[A]

I asked like, do you care about having grandchildren ever? And he was like, you know, I don't care. Do it if you want. And I was like, that's not good enough.

[C]

I feel like it's another such a pivotal point about, like, turning 30 is, like, the kid thing. And it is so wild because this is what happens. You turn 30, you start having the thoughts about the kids you turn. Like, for me, 37. And it's almost not controlled. Like the way you hear about biological clock, which you wrote about as well. And that's like a real thing. Right. It starts seeping into your head. You don't even know why. For me, it's now, like, you know, like, am I done having kids? Kind of vibe. Because I need to know now.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because there's no more time to. To. To think about it. It's like now or never, you know? But you are so young. I will say I'm reminding you of your young age.

[A]

Well, you're told a lot of different things about this. Right. You're told you either have to freeze your eggs before you're 30, because then your fertility steeply declines.

[C]

Right.

[A]

After 30.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Which then. Is that a myth? I don't know. But then they tell you, no, you can do it at 35. But then I've heard that's a myth because they just want to. They don't want to lose the geriatric market. So they tell you you can do it at any age. So they can keep getting people in.

[C]

Well, people are having babies today at, like, 48. Baby.

[A]

Right. I know.

[C]

Which is crazy.

[A]

But then I don't want to regret having a kid early. If I could have had one at 48, that would be sick.

[C]

You're like, I could have lived a really full life.

[A]

I'm just trying to play it safe, you know?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But it sucks that you really do have to think about all this stuff even before you're ready. And that's what's interesting about men, is that they. They don't have to think about it until it's something they want to do or are ready for, you know?

[C]

And even then, babe, they don't really

[A]

have to think about it ever.

[C]

They kind of can just be like, like, let's do it. And then they're not dealing with the pregnancy or the birth, which you were talking about, like, as an anxious person, is something that. The whole thing. And as you hate hospitals, the endoscopy story killed me because I had such bad gut issues, and I would not get an endoscopy. I would not. They're like, this is the only way we can see what's going on. I'm, like, not going under. Not going under.

[A]

And how was it?

[C]

I didn't do it, babe.

[A]

You never did it?

[C]

No, but I got pregnant and fixed my gut issues. True story.

[A]

You were less scared to get pregnant than to get. Sweet. That's craz. That is really cool.

[C]

Yeah. Well, I had done a pregnancy before, so I knew what that was like. I hadn't done that thing, but you were cracking me up during that story.

[A]

That's really insane.

[C]

The pregnancy?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That my gut issues went away.

[A]

Well, no, but now maybe I should. I should get pregnant.

[C]

But I was gonna tell you this. This is going to be a Jason Bateman smart list that moment. But you know what I'm talking about.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Is that a lot of times pregnancy fixes random things.

[A]

I have heard this.

[C]

Like, it's. It's like actually, it did cure my gut issues. I had all the things after Covet. I had like the sibo. The. The H. Pylori.

[A]

Like, the thing is, is that for me, like, my luck is so that the. What? You know, that there's things that it fixes and then there's things that it ruins for the rest of your life. You're gonna all have the acne that, like, never goes away and. And like ruin my whole body and whatever or not that could, like the good stuff, like, that doesn't happen really in the cards for me.

[C]

Well, because you said. Also I saw this. Tick tock. That was really funny that you said that you are like a reverse manifesting. Like, you say something that doesn't happen.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[C]

Truly.

[A]

Yeah. All the time.

[C]

Like, you say things out loud and then you.

[A]

You're like, I had to meet with a psychic because I got so scared about my reverse manifestation skills.

[C]

Stop up.

[A]

And she said.

[C]

Did she confirm?

[A]

She said, you're not reverse manifesting. You're predicting.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

So me thinking the worst case scenario. Whatever.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then it coming true. She just said that I was predicting things and that I really am psychic.

[C]

Did she. Did she say you had some of that in you?

[A]

Psychics think everyone.

[C]

They do think everyone's psychic.

[A]

Yeah. And all women believe that they're psychedelic psychic.

[C]

Do you. What is the crazy.

[A]

But I really am psychic.

[C]

What is the craziest in your journey of the health, wellness, finding yourself? MDMA was. What was the craziest thing you've done?

[A]

I've gotten like, really scammed before. Yeah, like is the thing. Yeah, I've gotten seriously scammed. The craziest thing I've done recently is that I got like a spinner for my water because I heard water needs to be oxygenated. So now I'm like pouring water in this thing and it's spinning around and like. What? I don't know. Like, that's ridiculous.

[C]

Where did you find this info?

[A]

Like, from a lunatic probably. Like A health lunatic. I live in LA and I'm Jewish and I'm scared. And that's what happened. Yeah.

[C]

And like, if you had a baby and you would have to get all the. Like, I really.

[A]

I really am worried about having a bad place person personality after having a baby. Like, I already have seen it with some of my friends. I'm like, I'm not. I really can't.

[C]

Like, they personality. Yeah. I feel like just, you know, like, my whole mantra about having kids is, like, you can still be you. Well, how funny would that be?

[A]

You can, but some people really can't. Like, so many of my friends even just planning weddings have changed, so.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And they don't go back. You think they're going to go back to how they were.

[C]

Right.

[A]

But they actually don't.

[C]

So I thought.

[A]

What? How could planning a party possibly change you so much?

[C]

I know, I don't get that. But I don't think that you're that type of person.

[A]

No, no, no. For sure not.

[C]

So I saw that Seth Meyers still my thing, and he did the renaming celeb segment with you.

[A]

Oh, were you gonna do that?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

I'm still gonna do it because I have ideas too. So we're gonna.

[A]

Okay, great. Yeah, for sure.

[C]

Seth. I thought about it pre. You. Jacob.

[A]

Okay. So I think Jacob Elordi is a perfect name for him.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

But I think he could also be a Kobe.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I think he could be.

[A]

Okay, that's not good because.

[C]

Okay, it's Jacob.

[A]

Jacoby is bad.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I am gonna actually give him Cody.

[C]

Okay. I think mine's better.

[A]

What's yours?

[B]

Philip.

[A]

No, babe, no, you don't. You don't have the gift. I already know.

[C]

Okay, I'm gonna give you Paul A. Kelly. The guy from Love story that's playing JFK Jr. His name is Paul A. Kelly.

[A]

Anton.

[C]

Okay. I was thinking Dylan.

[A]

No.

[C]

Okay, I have one more. Let's see what you think about. This is the girl from Love Story, Sarah Pigeon. I felt like that's not really her, you know?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

What are you thinking for her?

[A]

I'm trying to remember what she really looks like. To me, she looks like an Andy.

[C]

Okay. I love that I said Edith.

[A]

Edith is good.

[C]

Edith is good.

[A]

Edith is good. Yeah. Edith is good.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. That's great.

[C]

Okay, well, you have to go, but thank you for coming.

[A]

Thank you for having me.

[C]

Yay. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Not Skinny but Not Fat. Follow me on Instagram. It not skinny but not fat. Subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any episodes. Rate the podcast that you love so much on Apple Podcasts and write a little review. If you tell me you did, I'll give you a big virtual Smoocharoo. Thank you guys so much for listening and I'll see you next Tuesday.

[A]

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual.

[B]

Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[A]

Hey, everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together.

[B]

We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[A]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league. Anyways, only pay for what you need@liberty mutual.com Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.