Crazy Stories From Our First House Party | Not Today, Pal

Summary

Podcast Title: Not Today, Pal with Jamie-Lynn Sigler and Robert Iler
Episode: Crazy Stories From Our First House Party
Release Date: February 27, 2025
Host/Authors: Jamie-Lynn Sigler and Robert Iler
Description: Former TV siblings from The Sopranos, Robert Iler and Jamie-Lynn Sigler, host a comedy podcast where their contrasting personalities create a dynamic and humorous atmosphere. Each week, Rob presents segments and questions tailored for Jamie, highlighting their different viewpoints and deepening their friendship through hilarious discussions.

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Introduction and Setting the Tone

The episode kicks off with a brief comedic exchange between Jamie and Rob, setting an energetic and light-hearted tone despite the cold weather outside.

• Jamie: "I feel like we got energy today because it's so cold out." [00:38]
• Rob: "I'm very. I feel like my eyes are wide as." [00:46]

Health and Wellness: The "Empty Stomach" Debate

The hosts delve into a humorous yet insightful discussion about the confusion surrounding medication instructions, specifically the term "take on an empty stomach."

• Jamie: "Take on an empty stomach means you haven't eaten in two hours. I never thought that." [05:08]
• Rob: "I guess I never thought about the time frame in which you need an empty stomach." [05:12]

They explore the challenges of adhering to such instructions, especially when balancing meals and medication schedules.

• Jamie: "I only have an empty stomach at one point in the day. It's before I eat my giant meal or before you go to bed." [05:33]
• Rob: "That's crazy." [05:23]

Parasite Cleanses and Health Fads

The conversation shifts to the topic of parasite cleanses, where Jamie shares her attempts to rid herself of worms through unconventional methods.

• Jamie: "I wanted to try a parasite cleanse because I saw my friends were showing me these videos that was like, you could poop out worms." [06:15]
• Rob: "Miana got her cleanse off a TikTok. And I'm like, come on." [06:49]

They humorously critique the effectiveness and safety of such health trends.

• Cutter: "Is there any, like, possible permanent damage that can happen to me from this?" [30:26]
• Jamie: "Steve-O did it. He's fine." [30:52]

Childhood Memories and Emotional Therapy

Rob shares a poignant memory from his childhood about learning the concept of mortality, prompting a deeper conversation about early life experiences and therapy.

• Rob: "I remember when I was like 6 or 7, I found out that someday I would die." [12:11]
• Cutter: "I have a very vivid memory of that." [09:57]

Jamie opens up about her challenging childhood, including early exposure to alcohol.

• Jamie: "I had a tough childhood. I found some warmth in a bottle." [11:09]
• Cutter: "Drunk through your childhood." [11:11]

Parenting Challenges: Conversations with Children

The hosts discuss the difficulties of addressing complex topics like death and sex with their children, sharing personal anecdotes that blend humor with genuine concern.

• Jamie: "People who have kids and their kids ask them, like, tough questions. They don't know how to answer it." [13:50]
• Cutter: "He said, 'A penis and a vagina. I don't want to do that till college.'" [18:02]

Rob recounts a recent struggle with his son Beau, who is grappling with mature and challenging questions post-hospitalization.

• Cutter: "Beau was like, if I was you, I wouldn't believe what I'm telling you right now." [17:07]
• Jamie: "I think I'm going to have to figure out a group of people that you can feel safe to talk to." [17:55]

First House Parties: Wild Stories and Lessons Learned

The heart of the episode revolves around sharing wild and crazy stories from their first house parties during their youth. The anecdotes are filled with humor, reflecting on both the chaos and the camaraderie of those early social gatherings.

• Cutter: "One time my parents left town and kids parked on my lawn, and somebody brought pot brownies. I ate two or three and freaked out." [24:36]
• Jamie: "I remember my first makeout party. It was crazy how fast it went by." [22:43]

Rob narrates his infamous high school party where he managed to keep things under control despite the escalating number of guests and the presence of marijuana-laced brownies.

• Cutter: "Cutter made everybody leave Jack's birthday party, like 40 minutes into the party." [25:32]
• Jamie: "He said, 'You're not eating it.' And I really would have with a turkey leg for sure." [33:40]

Adventures at Disney: Food Fiascos and Family Dynamics

A segment explores their experiences visiting Disney, highlighting the often disappointing food options and the challenges of managing family outings.

• Cutter: "Everything is fried. Everything." [32:28]
• Jamie: "How bad is the food in Disneyland?" [31:37]
• Cutter: "I ended up eating a lot of pizza. It felt like the safest choice." [33:13]

They humorously compare the food quality to fast-food chains, sharing memories of dealing with mass-produced meals.

• Jamie: "The burgers were so fucking disgusting, worse than McDonald's." [33:05]
• Cutter: "I really wanted a turkey leg, but Cutter wouldn't let me get it." [33:35]

Escape Room Escapades: Cheating or Strategy?

The hosts recount their experience with an escape room, debating whether their success was due to clever strategy or outright cheating.

• Chad: "I picked that. I cheated the out of that." [37:22]
• James: "You could have just walked out at any time." [37:47]

The conversation highlights differing perspectives on the rules and intended experience of escape rooms.

• Rob: "We paid to solve puzzles and have fun together, not to cheat." [39:08]
• Chad: "You went through the incorrect door. That's like wanting to disappear." [38:56]

Vacation Plans and Future Events

Towards the end of the episode, the hosts discuss upcoming plans, including Cutter's birthday celebration in Austin, which promises more fun and content creation.

• Cutter: "I'm doing my birthday this year at this place here in Austin that will reenact game shows like Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy." [36:31]
• Rob: "Yeah, yeah, yeah." [36:59]

Humorous Banter and Closing Remarks

The episode concludes with light-hearted jokes and banter about their antics, leaving listeners with laughs and a sense of camaraderie.

• Jamie: "I'm drunk right now. All right, we will see you guys next week." [40:58]
• Cutter: "Not today." [41:25]

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. Jamie on Medication Instructions:
   "I never thought that. I thought empty stomach was like, you wake up, you have an empty stomach." [05:08]

2. Rob on Parasite Cleanses:
   "Miana got her cleanse off a TikTok. And I'm like, come on." [06:49]

3. Cutter on Childhood Memories:
   "I have a very vivid memory of that." [09:57]

4. Jamie on Parenting Challenges:
   "I feel like you're calling might be like a podcast or. We do it." [14:08]

5. Cutter on Escape Room Strategy:
   "I picked that. I cheated the out of that." [37:22]

6. Jamie Reflecting on Disney Food:
   "The burgers were so fucking disgusting, worse than McDonald's." [33:05]

7. Jamie’s Lighthearted Sign-Off:
   "I'm drunk right now. All right, we will see you guys next week." [40:58]

Conclusion

"Crazy Stories From Our First House Party" offers a blend of humor, heartfelt stories, and relatable anecdotes from Jamie-Lynn Sigler and Robert Iler. Their ability to navigate through serious topics with a comedic touch provides listeners with both laughs and moments of introspection. Whether reminiscing about wild house parties, tackling parenting dilemmas, or sharing quirky vacation tales, Jamie and Rob showcase the depth and strength of their friendship, making this episode a memorable addition to their podcast series.

Transcript

[Rob]

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[Cutter]

Not today.

[James]

I feel like we got energy today because it's so cold out.

[Cutter]

Ah. A hundred percent. Yeah. Like literally. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good word.

[James]

I'm just like, yeah, I'm ready.

[Cutter]

Yeah, I'm very. I feel like my eyes are wide as.

[James]

Yeah, you can't chill outside today.

[Cutter]

It's.

[James]

It's tough out there. Yeah. So, you know, last week we talked about you were having a rough time and, you know, we all understand that you have to let it out, but this. This clip that we saw of you, I. It's just too much. And I don't. I don't approve. You have a family at home and this is just not okay. You have the boat one. Yeah. Woke up this morning, got some guys. I mean, James, you got kids at home? Look at this.

[Cutter]

Do you think that that looks like me?

[James]

Wak.

[Cutter]

So many people have sent me this ch. I didn't hear the song that went with it. I got better moves than that.

[James]

Oh, yeah, you're better than that chick.

[Cutter]

I'm half Cuban. Yeah, my hips move way better than that.

[James]

Whoa. All right. Dancing does look like me.

[Cutter]

Tell me honestly, I'm not offended. I think she's a beautiful woman, but.

[James]

Like, how could you get offended?

[Cutter]

Look like me.

[James]

Well, I'll tell you, it reminds me of Meadow Soprano. Like, it doesn't remind me of you. Right, but it like, somehow I had.

[Cutter]

A lot more meat in my bones.

[James]

But also it's like I could see the sunglasses. The what? Do you have a little white claw.

[Cutter]

White claw with a striped straw.

[James]

How does Cutter feel about this? Have you seen this already?

[Cutter]

Yeah, I actually showed it to Cutter the other day, cuz somebody sent it to me on Instagram and I was watching it in the car with him and I was like, does this look like me? And he's like, I mean, I see it.

[James]

Yeah.

[Cutter]

He's like, I wish it was you. Meaning he wishes I was drunk on a boat in a bikini.

[James]

But. But you got better moves. You told him? Did you tell him you got better move?

[Cutter]

I would hope he would know.

[James]

Yeah, I hope.

[Cutter]

I wouldn't have.

[James]

I think he knows about that. So that song wasn't with it. The original soprano song was with it. But I didn't want to get us copyrighted. Oh, so that's like another version. Can you play that song? Can you play just the song again, please? It's so good.

[Chad]

Woke up this morning, got some gabago. And then I woke up the next.

[Rob]

Day and got some.

[James]

A gabagoo. Keep waking up, keep getting different types of gabagoo out.

[Cutter]

Could you.

[James]

Could you imagine if that song is actually playing while she was on the boat? That's what she was listening to.

[Cutter]

Oh, yeah. Well, you know, everybody's got to let loose sometimes.

[James]

Yeah. So something I. I'm taking this thing right now, and it says, take on an empty stomach. What does that mean to you?

[Cutter]

No food or water.

[James]

So you have to take it, like, first thing when you wake up, and then you can't. That's it. Right.

[Cutter]

And then you wait a couple minutes, like.

[James]

Right, but I'm just saying. But I'm saying, like, you can't take something like, you know, shortly after dinner. Like. Like when I see empty stomach, I'm like, oh, this has to be before any food.

[Cutter]

Yeah.

[James]

So I look at this thing and it says, you have to. You have to take it three times a day. And it says, take on an empty stomach. I said, listen, I only have an empty stomach at one point in the day. It's before I eat my giant meal.

[Cutter]

Or before you go to bed. Kind of.

[James]

Kind of. But so I'm like, how is this possible? So we googled it, and it turns out, take on an empty stomach. This. This was mind blowing to me. Take on an empty stomach means you haven't eaten in two hours.

[Cutter]

Oh, because the food has gone into the intestines now.

[James]

Not when Robbie's eaten. You see what happens in my age.

[Cutter]

Size of your stomach.

[James]

Well, you know what? You know what we should do? We should have me eat while I'm like, on a CAT scan, like an X ray or something, and watch how long it takes to digest. I bet it's 10 times longer than anybody else.

[Cutter]

But you'd have to be lying down, right?

[James]

Yeah. We got to get a standing.

[Cutter]

Standing.

[James]

Standing X ray.

[Cutter]

Just a stomach right on top of it.

[James]

Yeah. While I eat for an hour and a half. And then they. We watch and see how long it digests. What does it say up there?

[Cutter]

At least one hour before eating. Well, but you don't know when you ate last or two hours after eating.

[James]

Yeah, that's what I googled. That's insane to me. Before you guys saw this back there, when you heard take on an empty Stomach. Is this what it meant to you?

[Rob]

You mean don't eat or drink anything?

[James]

That's what I thought it would mean, but this is. It says two hours after eating is considered having an empty stomach. I never thought that. I thought empty stomach was like, you wake up, you have an empty stomach.

[Rob]

Yeah, I guess I never thought about the time frame in which you need an empty stomach.

[James]

Is this your.

[Rob]

The day of. Before I take it?

[James]

Yeah. Like, if it says if. It says when. When the thing said, take this three times a day and make sure it's always on an empty stomach. I'm like, that's impossible.

[Rob]

Oh, three times a day?

[James]

Yeah.

[Rob]

That's crazy.

[Cutter]

Well, I know when, then you can do it. You can do it right when you wake up then, right before you go to the gym.

[James]

That's not even four hours. It's what you have to take four hours in between.

[Cutter]

That's not four hours. Right. When you get back from the gym.

[James]

But then I eat right away.

[Cutter]

Yeah, but you're cooking for a minute.

[James]

I just. I was just blown away that I was like, I didn't think you had an empty stomach three times a day. I thought you have an empty stomach once a day when you wake up, and then your stomach is not empty anymore.

[Cutter]

Right. I got what you're saying, Rob.

[Rob]

Don't you eat, like, just one big meal a day?

[James]

Right. And that's what I'm saying. Like, four hours after I eat my big meal, I don't think I have an empty stomach.

[Rob]

Yeah.

[James]

Because I'm full to the mess.

[Cutter]

Your parasite cleanse.

[James]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Cutter]

How's that going? Any worms yet?

[James]

Nothing. Because you did a parasite cleanse where it was. You drank milk for seven days.

[Cutter]

Yes.

[James]

Nothing else. And so I wanted to try a parasite cleanse because I saw my friends were showing me these videos that was like, you could poop out worms.

[Cutter]

Like you checking the poopy every day.

[James]

I'm checking the poop. I got no worms. No worms, no parasites, no nothing I want. That's the only reason I'm doing it.

[Cutter]

Parasite.

[James]

This one. You don't really. You don't really have to change. Oh.

[Cutter]

What do you think?

[James]

You hear that? Any what?

[Chad]

What's that?

[James]

She said parasite cleanser cap, bro.

[Chad]

All the cleanses are cat.

[Cutter]

Here we go.

[Chad]

Y'all white people are so definitely.

[Cutter]

We're so stupid.

[Chad]

Let me eat a dried grape or whatever the. And it's gonna help me.

[Cutter]

Don't hate on that. That any. You ain't tried no plum. You don't know what's talking about.

[Rob]

Miana got her cleanse off a tick tock. And I'm like, come on.

[James]

Yeah, listen, when you show me videos of people pooping out worms, I'll do. I'll. I'll do it because I want to poop out. I want to get worms out.

[Cutter]

You know what? But I don't know. I don't know they're able to do anything now.

[Rob]

Have you seen the. The bears with the worms coming out?

[James]

Oh, like tapeworms? Yeah, yeah.

[Rob]

Like three feet long.

[James]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chad]

See, like if you ate in the woods. Okay, right. You know, now we're talking. Maybe you need a little something maybe to clean yourself. But like, bro, come on.

[James]

No, but this. Did they say when?

[Cutter]

You know, I will say, though. When I fish. Yes, you get worms. When I would get. When I lived in LA and they'd have all like the farmers markets and all like, you know, and people would literally, like, cut their produce off and bring it right to the farmer's market. And you would wash it. I remember washing like, a head of broccoli and there was worms in it.

[James]

How do you feel about that, any? You're saying Jamie's cap. Jamie's. Jamie's cap, huh?

[Cutter]

Why would. Why would I not have. Why would I be lying about a worm in my broccoli?

[James]

Any? I got a new. I got a new water. I got a new water bottle for you to zoom in on when I. When I drink. You ready?

[Cutter]

No plastic for Robbie. No more plastic in his testicles.

[James]

How's that? You need a wide lens for this one.

[Chad]

I got you.

[James]

There was a guy, a football coach, Jim Harbaugh, and he says that he remembers the day he was born. Like, he remembers being born.

[Cutter]

Cool.

[James]

He remembers all that.

[Cutter]

I love football coaches.

[James]

Oh, the best. What is. What's the first thing. Any. Do you think that's Cap? You think he remembers being born? 100% cabin. Unless.

[Chad]

Unless he got that photographic memory type shit right. If he's that dude, then fine, he got like that infinite storage glitch. But if not, then that's good.

[James]

If he's a football coach, he probably has something similar because I have cte.

[Cutter]

I have photographic memory of my first birthday.

[James]

Wait, you think football coaches have cte?

[Chad]

I mean, they played, didn't they?

[James]

Not all of them. He's like a scrawny white guy.

[Chad]

You hear that? Go ahead. Yeah, but this particular one did play.

[James]

Yeah. Jim Harbaugh. Yeah. You. You win any what? Go ahead. What'd you say?

[Cutter]

I said I have a. I have picture memories of my first birthday.

[James]

Really?

[Cutter]

Yeah.

[James]

And it's not from photos you saw after what happened at your first birthday?

[Cutter]

I can remember, like, I remember, like, walking to my dad and, like, him picking me up. I can remember the feeling that it felt like in my dad's arms. Like, I loved my dad when I was, like, a little baby. Like, he was, like, my favorite. And I can, like, remember that very vividly. And then other memories when I'm three, I can remember my brother was, like, spinning me around, like, holding my arms, and he let go, and I just, like, hit the. You know when you hit the ground so hard and, like, the wind gets knocked out of you? And I remember being so terrified of that feeling and, like, wanting to cry, but, like, no sound coming out.

[James]

Yeah.

[Cutter]

And, like, that fear. I have a very vivid memory of that. And I checked in with my brothers, and they're like, oh, yeah, that. That happened.

[James]

That happened every day. Yeah. When do you feel like you start where you can go back and, like, real. You remember, like.

[Cutter]

So I'm doing. I'm doing, like, EMDR therapy right now. Like, PTSD type therapy, and we're, like, trying to take it back to my childhood, and I am having a very hard time with it. Like, getting to, like, the root of things. Like, there's blocks, which is, like, the point of this.

[James]

Right. And you're also writing a book, so you have to go back to. Right. And you're not. What is hard? When does it get fuzzy?

[Cutter]

Like, between 5 and 10 is very fuzzy for me.

[James]

Yeah. I feel like I have. I have, like, three photos in my head, and then I'm nine. Like, I don't. I don't remember.

[Cutter]

Yeah.

[James]

Being a kid.

[Cutter]

Yeah.

[James]

Like, being a baby.

[Cutter]

Do you think that's because you were trying to block things out, or is it. Do you think it's the drugs? Like, did you ever have a memory of that before?

[James]

No, I never had a memory, but there is a famous photo of me that my. My dad has. I think I was, like, six months old, and I'm in a baby carriage with a can of Budweiser. And. And. And he remembers holding that can. No, but I think that might have been, you know, like, I think, like, I think my grandparents were like, yeah, you put brandy on the. On the pacifier. And then they stop either. I don't know. They had, like, this whole. I think I might have been. I think I might have been drinking before.

[Cutter]

Drunk through your childhood.

[James]

I remember one time my dad, they. They for his Christmas present at his job, they gave him, like, a bottle of whiskey.

[Cutter]

Yeah.

[James]

And I was young, and I remember, like, he gave me some, and he was like, yeah, here. And I was young, young. Like, I don't even know. Yeah, like, really, like, definitely not 10.

[Cutter]

Yeah.

[James]

Like. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, because he. He was taking shots of it, and then he was like, yeah, here, have some. And I remember being like, oh, like, that's warm. Like, I remember drinking and being like, that's fucking warm.

[Cutter]

That was your first reaction, was, it's warm. Not. It's disgusting. It burns.

[James]

No. Yeah, it's warm. I was. Listen, I had a tough childhood. I was looking for warmth, you know, And I found some in. In a bottle. What. What are the first memories you guys have?

[Rob]

I have, like, just kind of vague, fuzzy memories of. I remember a big dog in, like, an orange Popsicle. But also, I do remember when I was, like, 6 or 7, when I found out that someday I would die. Oh, yeah?

[Cutter]

Why did that. What? Tell me about that.

[Rob]

I was at my grandma's, and, like, my cousins told me, and I didn't believe them at first. And then I asked my grandma, and she said, yeah, it's true. I thought you just died, like, you know, getting hit by a bus or something. And then I, you know, found out. Nope, everyone.

[Cutter]

That was a more comforting thing for you, that someday you would just get nailed by a bus?

[Rob]

Well, I thought if I could avoid buses enough, I'd be fine and live forever. Yeah. Yeah.

[Cutter]

But you knew you would get old.

[Rob]

I don't know if I had a concept of that. I knew my grandma was old.

[Cutter]

So you thought maybe she was just an old person and you were going to be, like, forever a young person?

[Rob]

Yeah, I think when you're young, you don't really.

[Cutter]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rob]

I mean, even now, it's hard to conceptualize myself as an old guy.

[Cutter]

I mean, if I think about it like. So Jack is seven. Just turned seven. And he. When he was, like, five, six, he. He. He went through a period of asking me a lot, like, how old are you? When are you gonna die? Like, like. Or if I would get, like, sick or a cold. Like, does this mean you're gonna die? Like, there was, like, a good, like, one to two months where, like, a lot of his focus and questions were around, well, does that mean that you're dying? Because he just needed to, like.

[James]

And what would you tell him? How do you comfort a kid?

[Cutter]

No, I don't think so. No. Like, it's like, I. Well, I was like, you know, most people get to live till they're very old, but sometimes things happen. Like, you know, I had a brother pass away very young. Like, different things like that. That things happen, but there's no reason for us to believe that that's going to happen to us.

[James]

I feel like you're calling might be like a podcast or. We do it. We could do it here, guys. Our email. Not today, pal. [e-mail]. phone number 512-387-1880. I feel like people who have kids and their kids ask them, like, tough questions. They don't know how to answer it. I feel like you're fudgeing great at it.

[Cutter]

That's so nice of you to say. Well, here's the thing. I, like, have. I, like, have my kind of, like, Cuban fiery reaction, and then I come back with, like, my okay, therapies. Yeah.

[James]

Answer. Can you think of a. Can you think of, like, even five years ago whenever. Like, can you think of bad answers you've given your kids?

[Cutter]

You like, lying, like, to make them.

[James]

Or just where if they ask you some? Because I remember. I don't know if we could even say this on YouTube, but I remember we were at. It was like, me, you, your son, and Cutter were in the kitchen, and somehow, like, it. You. You, like, gasped, and you were like. And you're like, oh, my God, this person just died. And we're all like, oh, no. And then, like, me or Cutter were like, how do you die? And you were like, oh, suicide. And then your son was like, what's suicide? And I've never seen Cutter walk away so fast. He instantly turned his back to him and just walked into the other room. And you were like. Well, like. And. And I don't. I don't even remember what you said.

[Cutter]

He did that to me recently about sex, because Beau was like, I know what sex is. And next thing I know, Cutter's gone. And I'm like, what the. Like, he should be the one to, like, have that convo with him.

[James]

Yeah, but you don't want Cutter sitting there talking to his son about how he doesn't get any. You know, that's probably what it would turn into. Come on. I gotta take Cutter's side.

[Cutter]

Sometimes he gets plenty.

[James]

Do. Do you think so you can't think of any. Like, there were any times where you were like, fuck, like that. Like, that didn't go well?

[Cutter]

Yeah, a lot. Well, like yesterday, Beau, he. He's had some things that are very mature and Hard to understand that he feels since the hospital. And I've tried to explain to him that like kids can't understand it. He had a moment where he tried to explain it to some friends at school and it backfired. It went really bad for him. And there was a. At first my re. I told him I was like, bo, you have too high expectations of like how people need to react to you and you're always going to be disappointed. And like I just, just was getting frustrated with him because I told him this so many times and like, I hate that he had to feel that pain, but it was like. And then I realized later I'm like, ah. That was kind of like a up thing to say to like an 11 year old kid who's like struggling to make sense of stuff. So then later last night I, you know, sat him down and I was like, tell me what you want to tell me. Like tell me what you feel. And he looked at me and he said, if I was you, I wouldn't believe what I'm telling you right now. And like, because he prefaced that I was like, oh. And like he told me what he told me and I was like, well then I'm going to choose to believe you because I can't imagine what it's like walking through the world and have something feel so true to you and that like everyone's telling you you're crazy for believing it. Like, who am I to say that he didn't have a near death experience? He did.

[James]

Well, he did.

[Cutter]

Yeah, he did. And so I think, and then what I said to him is I was like, I think I'm going to have to. You and I maybe can just figure out this group of people that you can feel safe to talk to about this if you need to. But like other 11 year old boys is just not the audience for you in this moment because they're just gonna make you feel crazy and weird. And I don't want him to feel that way. But maybe that's also just like part of his journey. I don't know. It's a hard thing with a parent to know like when to just kind of let them figure it out and then like when to intervene, you know what I mean? So I've definitely not always reacted in the best way. I definitely made him feel pretty shitty about it when he first came home from school.

[James]

But you should do a cutter doesn't just walk away and then he'll just be left standing alone and he'll have to figure it out.

[Cutter]

What Cutter does best.

[James]

Yeah, you. What did he think sex was when he's like, I know what sex is?

[Cutter]

I asked. Well, he. He. I said, what do you think it is? And he said, a penis in a vagina. And I was like, yeah, about all I know. And he kind of was like. Like, not, like, into it. And I was like, yeah. And I was like, listen, that's. That's how you get a baby. And he's like, oh, like, I don't want to do that till college. I was like, yeah, even later, bro. Great. And I was like, there's so many other things you can do. You can talk to dad about that. Like, there's so many other things that you can do with another person. That's it. That's. Yep. Daddy's favorite.

[James]

Daddy's favorite. Yeah. He takes after his father.

[Cutter]

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[James]

Yeah, you know, we were just talking that. This was just something that I wrote down because we were just talking about it, but when we're talking about death and everything, it's weird to bring it back now, but they said, like, I read this thing that said humans are the only thing that know that it's gonna die.

[Cutter]

Really? Animals don't know.

[James]

Like, animals don't know. They just think, like, yeah, we're just living this life. And, wow. Life is.

[Cutter]

The animals know when another animal is, like, preying on them and wants to eat them.

[James]

Yeah. Which is, you know, oh, my God. What? I don't know what, but I don't know if I don't I'm sure they know, like, death is possible, but I don't think they know, like, oh, eventually, like. Like what Chad was talking about. Right? Like, I'm just gonna. That's why I don't go in the ocean. People go in the ocean and just like. Like, I was in Mexico one time and there was a guy. There's a guy every morning who would swim out whatever, 100 yards, and he would swim for 30 minutes this way and 30 minutes away. And like that. To me, that guy has a gamble. 50, 50 every time. Yeah. It's like, that's.

[Cutter]

Is that, like, known shark waters there?

[James]

I think all water to me is known shark water.

[Cutter]

You wouldn't even get in the lake, of course.

[James]

Yeah. No, I go in the ocean, but I go in, I get out. I'm not like, I'm going to swim for an hour a day and do laps.

[Cutter]

Right. You know, I mean, you're increasing your chances.

[James]

Yeah. I think that's not our home. The ocean, that's the fucking shark. Like, you watch one video of a shark fucking eating somebody and you're like, I'm good. I. I'm not. I'm not about that. So now Cutter walks away, and then he comes back. Does he go, so, what happened there? No, he doesn't even want to know.

[Cutter]

Just like, time for bed.

[James]

That's. That's the best.

[Cutter]

No follow up.

[James]

Oh. So Beau told me that he asked a girl to be his valentine.

[Cutter]

Yeah.

[James]

And that. And I was like, oh, cool. I was like, what'd you say to her? And he's like. I said, are you. Are you a keyboard? Because you're just my type. 1 want to be my valentine?

[Cutter]

Yeah, he's full of those.

[James]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's so bow. Yeah.

[Cutter]

Yeah, yeah, he's got a lot of those.

[James]

Are you a keyboard? Because you're just my type.

[Cutter]

Wow.

[James]

Wow. And he, like, instantly fired. Would you be my valentine? He didn't let it, like, sink in. I don't think he was just like, what do you mean, Valentine?

[Cutter]

He is girl crazy.

[James]

Yeah. But. But he doesn't want sex. Interesting. I'm kind of the opposite. Yeah. Just want sex and, like.

[Cutter]

But if I think back to when I was 11, I was, like, making out with kids.

[James]

Yeah. I'd say, I think. Yeah, that's around where it started. A little truth or dare action.

[Cutter]

Yeah. I had, like, a full makeout session with my fifth grade boyfriend. I can remember.

[James]

And that's 11 years old. Right.

[Cutter]

I mean, he's gonna be in middle School next year.

[James]

Yeah, those. Those become your first memories. We're talking about first memories, right? You remember? Yeah, I remember. I remember my first, like, make out party.

[Cutter]

Yeah, it was crazy.

[James]

I was like, I can't believe we're.

[Cutter]

Allowed to do that. That's the thing is, like, we used to have a lot of, like, group GE togethers, like boys and girls at somebody's house. I don't know if maybe he's just not getting invited, but, like, he's not. Like, they're not doing that. Doesn't seem all these boys here are so into sports, though. Like, their lives are sports here.

[James]

Yeah, but I also feel like we weren't doing a lot of group get togethers until we started smoking weed and drinking. And then it was like we all got to get together to drink and smoke, you know, so it's probably good that he's not.

[Cutter]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, Course. Of course.

[James]

Doing that.

[Cutter]

I would really like it to be my house.

[James]

Oh, your. But then what if you. What if you know that they're making out in the other room? Like, how do you handle that?

[Cutter]

True, true.

[James]

What the. You. You hear, like, music and you. Oh, you look in the. The lights on. The lights off underneath.

[Cutter]

O. Wow. I have really a lot of things to look forward to, don't I?

[James]

My first makeout party, we were at this girl's place and there was like 10 of us and. And a couple broke off into, like, each part of her room and she put a lava lamp on and put on Santeria.

[Cutter]

Oh, Sublime.

[James]

The Sublime album. That whole album. And I remember it. That album is like, whatever, probably just under an hour. It went by in like three minutes.

[Cutter]

Oh, everybody just made out to the album.

[James]

It was dark and you had like. Everybody had like a blanket or a sheet or whatever. And we were like, messing around and you were like. And I was like, yo, this is crazy. And it's crazy how fast, even at whatever we were 11, 12, that you forgot, or maybe 12, 13, you forgot that there were other people in the room. Like, you come out of the. Like, the record ends and like, you come out and you're like, oh, ew. There's like 10 people in this room. Like a small room in New York City.

[Cutter]

You know what you got to do, what you got to do. You don't have a lot of options.

[James]

You have to. Yeah, it was the park or someone's place when their parents were gone.

[Cutter]

Right.

[James]

That was. Was there any better news when you're like 13 or 14? I was like, My parents are going away for the weekend. That was. There was nothing better for me to hear.

[Cutter]

I told you, I had one party in high school. One time my parents. My parents never left town. One time my parents left town and it blew up. Like, other towns in Long island had heard about it. Kids parked on my lawn, like, and somebody had brought pot brownies. And I didn't know that they were pot brownies. Yeah, you know the story. And I ate, like, two or three, and I freaked the out.

[James]

It's so funny because, like, when I was. When I would have, like, my place, when it's like, oh, you place yourself. It's like, how can I get as high as possible? And Jamie's, like, looking for snacks. Like.

[Cutter]

Yeah, it's like stress eating.

[James]

Yeah. It's like the most epic party in the history of Long Island. And you're like, are there brownies around? Like, that's crazy.

[Cutter]

I was, like, vacuuming my floor, like, Magda. And something about Mary, you know when she's, like, all high and, like, you're like, Cutter.

[James]

Yeah, like, Cutter at Jack's birthday party.

[Cutter]

Now, Cutter made everybody leave Jack's birthday party, like, 40 minutes into the party. Like, all right, that was enough, right?

[James]

He said he started cleaning up like.

[Cutter]

30 minutes into the party. Cutter, people are here still.

[James]

He said some dad texted him, was like, man, you really put on a clinic today how to do a birthday party. Yeah, he's like, as soon as. Like, somebody would have half a drink, you'd be like, you done with this?

[Cutter]

Like, true. People drove all the way to the party with their kids, presents, and 35 minutes later, cut her ass. Everybody to leave.

[James]

That's. I remember there was. I forget whose birthday it was, but, like, he was coming over to me and you together, and he'd be like, they're eating brownies in the living room. Like.

[Cutter]

Or whatever they had eating people over swim one day.

[James]

Yeah. And he's like, they're eating. They're. They're eating chips in the living room, like. And they were just like, oh. He was so. Wait, so what's. So how far out do you find out your parents are going. Going away?

[Cutter]

I think like a week.

[James]

And you have two brothers and they're.

[Cutter]

Brian was in college. Two. No, two. Old Brian was in college. Adam was still living at home. Adam walked through my party in a towel. He had showered and walked through the party.

[James]

In a town, of course.

[Cutter]

And then actually, I found out later, Adam is. Who called the cops.

[James]

Really? Wow, that's such a new layer To Adam for me. Wow. Okay. So. So it was only you planning this party.

[Cutter]

Yeah.

[James]

And in your head you're gonna have.

[Cutter]

How many people over 20, 30.

[James]

And it turned into 100. At least 100. And when did you get the first, like, murmurs of, hey, this is getting a little out of hand.

[Cutter]

When every corner of my house was filled with a person, like, everyone. And then some chick I knew from, like, dance class that lived like 25 minutes away was there. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing here? She's like, I heard there was a party in Jericho.

[James]

Wow. So are people, like, breaking shit? Does it get bad or. It was.

[Cutter]

It wasn't so much. You know, I did prepare. Like, we had had a whole, like, photo wall thing. I took every photo down and had put them away in, like, my parents closet. I had locked my parents room. I had. And then we cleaned. Like, my friend stayed and helped me clean up. What honestly gave it away was a friend of mine cleaned our hardwood kitchen floor with pledge.

[James]

I don't know what that does.

[Cutter]

Liquid pledge. Pledge is what you use for wood furniture, not wood floor. So it made it like an ice skating rink, like, slippery. So if you walked in, you would. That gave it away.

[James]

Yeah, we. I remember my. My apartment, when my mom would come back would smell better than when she left. So that's how she knew, because we had.

[Cutter]

So what we would do is too clean in here.

[James]

Yeah. So you take. You buy. There's a thing, I. I think it's called boof. A boof. Where, like, you. You take a paper towel roll and you put. You put.

[Cutter]

Isn't that something else?

[James]

Well, there is boofing, which is some. That's up your butt. That's something else.

[Cutter]

You blow cocaine up your butt, Something like that.

[James]

Yeah, you blow. There's something. But then this thing was called boofing back in the day where you take a booty boo. Yeah, Booty boofing is a different thing. This is so. Oh, no, sorry. Maybe it's a spoof. That's what it was called. So you take a paper towel roll or a toilet paper roll and you fill it with dryer sheets. And when you smoke weed, you blow the smoke through there and it comes out smelling like the dryer sheets instead. Yeah. So what we'd all do is we would get like 20 ounce sodas and we'd poke holes in the bottom of it. You fill those with dryer sheets. And then we would just hold anybody. You could smoke 10 blunts in a row in here. You just have to blow every one into the dryer. So you're just. You're smoking, but you're also just inhaling. Dryer sheet.

[Cutter]

Yeah.

[James]

Smoke and get. And so, like, you're so fucked up and you just smell like a floral rob.

[Cutter]

I think a paradise, a parasite cleanses is a minimum of what you need to clean out this.

[James]

Yeah.

[Cutter]

Years of.

[James]

I wish they could just turn me inside out and scrape whatever's inside me and then push me back somehow. Yeah. What did it say about boofing is when you blow something up someone's asshole or something. Oh, oh. Excuse you.

[Chad]

Slang term for inserting drugs or alcohol into your anus to alcohol immediate high or avoid the risks of other methods of administration.

[Cutter]

Well, I guess if somebody's, like, snorted cocaine for too long and, like, destroyed their nose.

[James]

Yeah.

[Cutter]

Gotta go up the poop.

[James]

I never shoved anything up the ass.

[Chad]

Is like. That's how you get, like, alcohol poisoning, right?

[James]

Yeah, they did that with alcohol poisoning. Isn't cap like people would, like, pour.

[Cutter]

Alcohol in the butt? Like, what, through, like, a funnel or something?

[James]

Yeah, that's Stevo did that in Jackass. He literally took a funnel, put it in his butt, and poured beer in there.

[Chad]

Telling you, man, why people are bored as fuck.

[James]

Yeah, it's crazy. Well, also, he made tens of millions of dollars pouring beer in his butt.

[Cutter]

So I can think of a lot of other ways to try and make tens millions of dollars. Or I'd rather just not have tens of millions of dollars.

[James]

Alcohol enema.

[Chad]

That wouldn't do. One booth. One booth of what? One booth of alcohol? Yeah, like, say, like an ipa. We're just gonna pour that in there for how much? I'll say, like 500k.

[Cutter]

Is there any, like, possible permanent damage that can happen to me from this?

[James]

You got. You get really cool.

[Chad]

We all want you to do it.

[James]

You'd be on ymh.

[Chad]

J me. J me.

[Cutter]

Honestly, I'm gonna say no, because that would for sure end up being the thing that I end up being most famous for. And I just can't do that anymore. I can't do that to myself.

[James]

What do you think? What is your price?

[Cutter]

I need to know if there's irreplaceable damage that will be.

[James]

Well, Steve O.

[Chad]

Did it.

[James]

Steve O Did it. He's fine.

[Cutter]

He is not fine.

[Chad]

Looks great.

[James]

Yeah, he's doing great. So what, you might wake up with a tattoo of a penis on your chest or whatever he has, you know.

[Cutter]

What would you do it for? I mean, could this with his sobriety.

[James]

That's what I'd be. That's what is the big problem.

[Chad]

Definitely.

[James]

Yeah. For sure. I'd be drunk.

[Cutter]

Oh, you'd get drunk?

[James]

Yeah.

[Chad]

Oh, you get, like, really. That's why I really get alcohol poisoning, because I think it's, like, more. What is it? Absorb.

[James]

Yeah.

[Rob]

Accelerates it.

[James]

If we're saying I walk away with 500,000 in my pocket, I think I do it.

[Chad]

Yeah, but, like, so. And hold on, Jamie. I'm not saying filming it. I'm just saying doing it, period. No, no. No one knows about it. It's just.

[James]

Yeah, just cut her in the room. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Cutter]

Who's paying me? So this is a private show, and he's ballin.

[Chad]

I got you 500.

[James]

What do you think?

[Cutter]

You know, I do anything for you.

[James]

How sweet. How. When you were in. When you were in Disney, you just came back from Disney. Tell me about the food. How bad. Oh, how bad is the food in Disneyland?

[Cutter]

I barely ate, so let's.

[James]

You. You went to Disney for how long?

[Cutter]

Three days of parking, like, doing the park.

[James]

Oh, okay. Yeah. I didn't even.

[Cutter]

Okay.

[James]

Yeah. Three. That's probably what they call it, those Disney lovers. So you do three days of parking.

[Cutter]

Yeah.

[James]

You get there. What is. I want to know, like, the first sense of food you get.

[Cutter]

First, we went to this restaurant in the hotel with my brother and all his kids and my parents, and it was just chicken fingers, burgers, fries, Caesar salads, whatever.

[James]

And bad versions of those things, of course.

[Cutter]

I got some. Like, because I had been eating so well, I got this, like, basic bitch salad and then, like, made my own, like, kind of dressing from, like, things that they had. But it's really hard to eat there. Like, everything is fried. Everything.

[James]

And it's fried and gross. Like, sometimes you go like, hey, these are amazing chicken fingers. This burger is great. You go. I remember the last time I was at Disney was probably 15 years ago. The burgers were so fucking disgusting.

[Cutter]

Yeah, it's bad.

[James]

Like, so, like, worse than McDonald's.

[Cutter]

I ended up eating a lot of, like, pizza. Like, that was, like. Felt like the safest choice in places.

[James]

But bad pizza?

[Cutter]

I mean, it wasn't like a. Yeah, of course. But it was. You're hungry and, like, you've got to eat something. So, like, to me, that was, like, the healthiest choice was, like, bread, cheese, and sauce. I don't know. I just don't want to eat, like, meat.

[James]

What about when you're in the park? Like, you're in the park yeah, Pizza. Oh, my God, it's so. Wow.

[Cutter]

Popcorn. I got a lot of popcorn.

[James]

What is in that helmet?

[Cutter]

Chili fries. You know, that might be good, actually. I used to love a turkey leg, though.

[James]

Oh, yeah?

[Cutter]

Yeah. Cutter wouldn't let me get a turkey leg because he said he couldn't look at me eating it. But I. I really. I would have with a turkey leg for sure.

[James]

He. So wait, you said, I want to get a turkey leg, and he sick. Put the kibosh on it. He was like, you're not eating it.

[Cutter]

Watch him eat that.

[James]

Really?

[Cutter]

Don't look at me.

[James]

So why didn't you just get it?

[Cutter]

Because I was on the Rascal, you know? Cause it's, like, hard and, like, he wouldn't go get it for me. And, like, it was like. It was a. Yeah. So I needed. For me. I know.

[James]

I want to go with you guys. Disney next time. Just to walk around a turkey, like, the whole time.

[Cutter]

I get a lot of gummies.

[James]

Weed gummies or just gummies?

[Cutter]

Yeah.

[James]

Okay, so then you're high as fucking. You have no food.

[Cutter]

Well, I had. That's what I had. Like, popcorn.

[James]

Okay. Popcorn is okay. Yeah. Ew, look at that. What's on that sausage on that pretzel?

[Cutter]

Well, they have to make everything Mickey shaped.

[James]

What's on that pretzel?

[Rob]

Looks like sausage or some kind of, I don't know, hot dog or burger.

[Cutter]

Hot dog. It looks like a hot dog.

[James]

Might be some kind of Chinese thing.

[Cutter]

Chinese thing. That does not look like a pretty.

[James]

It says it's shaped for the Chinese new.

[Cutter]

It's a giant pretzel with cheese and hot dog on it.

[James]

I don't know. Some kind of Chinese kebab.

[Chad]

Oh, it's. It was for the year of the pig, so.

[James]

See? Don't. Don't.

[Cutter]

What are we in now? The year of the Rooster?

[James]

No, wait. I think I might know this.

[Cutter]

The snake.

[James]

Yeah, I think it's a snake. Anybody like it? Can we get it confirmed on that? People are telling me that 2025 is supposed to be a good year for whatever I am. The Pisces or Samesies.

[Cutter]

Same for Taurus. Yeah, supposed to have.

[James]

You're starting off real great. Things have been great in the Dijkstra house. So you can't even eat a turkey leg when you're paying thousands on vacation.

[Cutter]

It's 2024.

[James]

It's the. Yeah. How'd you know it was the year of the Snake?

[Cutter]

Because I'm alive and like. Like watch TV and Instagram and things like that.

[James]

Those. Those boys in the back look totally clueless.

[Cutter]

I didn't know you guys knew, right?

[Chad]

No, I mean, I don't know anything, so.

[Cutter]

Well, I guess that's part of my algorithm is like this type of.

[Chad]

Oh, yeah, you like zodiac.

[Cutter]

I like like spiritual. I like like universe.

[Chad]

Yeah, you like. You like the crystals? You got the crystals at home?

[Cutter]

I'm not a crazy crystal lady. It's not like I have them in my bag, but I got some crystals. Yeah, but like not a lot. Like four sprinkled throughout my home. It's not like aggressive.

[James]

And they're nice. They're like. They're bigger than this. No, they're. Yes.

[Cutter]

Maybe a little taller. Yeah, maybe a tiny bit. One of them. One of them. That's it.

[James]

Yeah, and they're wider. Yeah, she's a. She's a crystal lady, not crazy.

[Cutter]

I'm telling you, when the weather gets nice, I'm gonna have. We should do a party at my house. We should do a pickleball swim.

[James]

Well, tell them what you want to do with everyone.

[Cutter]

I told Zolo this already that I'm doing my birthday this year at this place here in Austin that like will. You will reenact like game shows like Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy. And you can do a, like a kid version, an adult version, an X rated version. I think we should take everyone from YMH and do like, you know, Family Feud style, like verses and like I think it would be really fun day slash thing to film content.

[Rob]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James]

Also, there was something. You weren't here when we talked about going to the escape room. Any. What were your thoughts on the escape room?

[Chad]

Man, I picked that. I cheated the out of that.

[James]

You picked?

[Chad]

Man, I was bro. I was getting tired of that. I was like, hold on, this can't be that difficult to pick, right? And then I just went over and.

[Rob]

Just went over and ruined it for all of us.

[Chad]

Bam. I didn't ruin it. He said he could do that. He said he could do that. He said he could do.

[Cutter]

He said it wasn't the first time.

[Rob]

He didn't say you could do it. He said it wasn't the first time.

[Chad]

That means that you could do it.

[Cutter]

But he also didn't disqualify us. He still said congrats.

[James]

Well, I, I do want to say Chad made a great point because what I. I think I tried to take your side, shockingly. And I was like, well, it's like there's somebody like, it's. We're escaping. You're Escaping the room. Escape the room. But then Chad was like, yeah, but we could have just walked out at any time. Then he's like, we could have just escaped by walking out.

[Chad]

Wait, where could we have walked out?

[Rob]

You're not literally locked in. They tell us that you're. You can leave at any time.

[James]

It's, like, illegal to lock people in.

[Chad]

But you'd have to, like, ask, though, right?

[Rob]

No, you just walk out.

[Chad]

Which door could we have walked out of?

[Cutter]

There's like, yeah, they were all locked.

[James]

No, no, he did say. He was like, just so you know.

[Cutter]

The only door that was still open was the one that we came in.

[Rob]

Right.

[James]

But then. And then the one that you leave out of, he was. He said, like, you have to legally, like, you can't actually lock people.

[Chad]

But to get. But to get to the door that was behind us, I would have had to climb up a slide. I ain't doing that.

[Cutter]

Right, right.

[James]

No, because remember, the. The door right to the right of that box went back into the first room.

[Chad]

Yeah, the door right into the.

[James]

Remember the box that we couldn't figure out? You had to, like, feel, and it was like Braille, which was insane.

[Rob]

Yeah, you can open that. It takes you right back to the beginning.

[James]

Yeah, you go right back through there to the beginning.

[Cutter]

Can't wait to do another one.

[Chad]

Yeah, but see. But see, that's the wrong door is what I'm saying. You went through the. You went through the incorrect door.

[Rob]

You still escaped. You got out.

[Chad]

That's not true.

[James]

You.

[Chad]

You went through that door, which is like. That's like the bitch. Like, oh, I want to disappear and get out of this type shit. Like, you actually cheated. I just used the. The tools that were provided to me to. To go the route that they wanted me to.

[Cutter]

We couldn't read braille.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[James]

Yeah. Well, we didn't really had to pick.

[Rob]

The lock, but we paid to solve puzzles and, you know, have fun together. Not to. And we did really cheat by yourself and get out.

[Chad]

You trying to say you didn't have fun?

[Rob]

No, I had fun until that moment.

[Cutter]

I had a blast.

[James]

Wow. In. In house fighting. This is not good for the office.

[Chad]

I don't know what he's talking about. I had a lot of fun.

[James]

And then the whole time, one other question we had that you weren't here to answer, which was, what did you do from the time work ended until the escape room?

[Chad]

I don't. When was the escape room?

[James]

I don't know. Whenever we went.

[Cutter]

December, did we do it or November December.

[Chad]

So that was like the winter break.

[James]

No, we weren't on break. We were. We were. We came from YMH because it was the same day.

[Chad]

Oh, I don't remember.

[James]

Dude, that's because my. I was. I was 99. Sure. You were not even close to sober.

[Cutter]

When you couldn't believe how friendly you were.

[James]

I couldn't believe. I couldn't believe how nice you were. Right.

[Chad]

It sounds like I had a couple drinks in me.

[James]

That was. That's what I was saying. Is that any drunk or any high.

[Chad]

It's both.

[James]

Okay. The combo. Yeah. Obviously, if you're drinking, you're smoking too, right? Yeah. You do the vape. You do, like, the. The vape pen. Weed thing, or you just do regular weed?

[Chad]

Sure, if you got it.

[James]

Okay.

[Chad]

I don't really take anything out. I go drink, and then if there's stuff, I'm. You know, I'm down. But yeah, I smoke usually at home. I don't like getting too high outside.

[James]

Okay. Because I remember you. You walked in, you gave me a hug, and you were like, I miss you, man. And I was like, oh, this guy's on something. I was like, there's no way.

[Cutter]

Yeah. Rob talked about it for a while, actually.

[James]

Yeah. I was shocked. I was like, is this part of the. The show? Like, is this part of the room? The escape room?

[Chad]

Is it. Is it part of the bit? Where is the bit end? I know.

[James]

Yeah.

[Chad]

Yeah. No, that's a little. That's a little. It's a little inebriation right there.

[James]

Yeah. They should let. Tom should let you drink at work. I think it was good for. I think it'd be good for everyone here.

[Chad]

You think I need him to let me? Is that what you're saying?

[James]

Oh, I don't know.

[Chad]

Right now.

[James]

I'm drunk right now. All right, we will see you guys next week.

[Cutter]

Okay.

[James]

Not today.

[Chad]

Whoa, whoa.