Everyone Has A Hidden Talent w/ Russell Peters | Not Today, Pal

Summary

Not Today, Pal with Jamie-Lynn Sigler and Robert Iler
Episode: Everyone Has A Hidden Talent w/ Russell Peters
Release Date: October 24, 2024
Guest: Russell Peters

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Introduction

In this lively episode of "Not Today, Pal", hosts Jamie-Lynn Sigler and Robert Iler welcome renowned comedian and actor Russell Peters to explore the theme "Everyone Has A Hidden Talent." The trio delves into a mix of personal anecdotes, professional insights, and humorous exchanges that highlight their distinct personalities and enduring friendship.

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Discussing "Shifting Gears"

The episode kicks off with a brief mention of the new family comedy "Shifting Gears," starring Tim Allen and Kat Dennings. This sets a light-hearted tone as the hosts and their guest exchange playful banter about the show's premise.

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Russell Peters' Adventures and Health Talks

Russell shares a humorous yet insightful story about his time in India, where he fell victim to a severe case of "Montezuma's Revenge." He recounts:

Russell Peters [04:02]: "I had it happen to me seven years ago in India. We were shooting this series in the biggest slum in the world. I ate what looked like delicious meat on bread, and for three weeks, I was..."

Kat Dennings [04:44]: "Three weeks. That's so bad."

This story segues into discussions about health practices, such as parasite cleanses, and the challenges of maintaining well-being while balancing a hectic schedule.

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Navigating ASMR and Personal Preferences

The conversation shifts to ASMR (Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response), with Tim Allen attempting to find an ASMR style that Jamie-Lynn Sigler would appreciate. The trio humorously critiques various ASMR techniques:

Kristor Allen [11:08]: "She's looking so... gross."

Russell Peters [13:28]: "There is ASMR porn too. Maybe I'm just..."

Despite their differing opinions, the discussion highlights their unique approaches to unwinding after busy days, blending humor with genuine curiosity.

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Parenting Stories and Family Dynamics

Jamie shares a relatable story about being a parent, including the awkward moment when their child might have walked in on them:

Kat Dennings [14:03]: "I think our kid walked in on us recently, by the way."

Russell Peters [15:41]: "But it's still not done."

The conversation underscores the balancing act of maintaining a private life while being a present and involved parent. They exchange anecdotes about handling such situations with humor and grace.

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Hidden Talents: DJing and Comedy

Russell Peters opens up about his passion for DJing, revealing a side of himself that intertwines with his comedic career:

Russell Peters [22:06]: "Like funk and boogie and stuff like that. Like disco and that kind of stuff."

Kat Dennings [22:14]: "Do you have a favorite night you've ever DJed?"

He elaborates on the challenges of reading the room and seamlessly blending his love for music with his comedic instincts:

Russell Peters [23:20]: "I just freestyle wing, and I've been doing it 35 years."

Kat Dennings [23:35]: "I love it."

This segment highlights Russell's versatility and his ability to adapt, whether he's behind the DJ booth or on stage delivering punchlines.

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Memories and Memory Lane

Embracing nostalgia, the trio engages in a "Memory Lane" segment, sharing old photos and recounting past experiences:

Russell Peters [21:03]: "I just showed you guys the old photo. Me and Michael Imperioli. 2002."

Tim Allen [29:50]: "Wow. See, I was drunk this night."

These shared memories not only provide laughs but also deepen the connection between the hosts and their guest, showcasing their long-standing relationships within the entertainment industry.

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Health and Lifestyle Choices

The discussion transitions to personal health choices, including experiences with alcohol and supplements:

Russell Peters [25:43]: "I never got drunk till I was 31 years old."

Tim Allen [26:34]: "Now that I'm like, almost 12 years out of drinking..."

They candidly discuss the impact of these choices on their lives, blending humor with heartfelt reflections on personal growth and well-being.

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Balancing Career and Family

Russell shares insights into managing a demanding career while staying connected to his children:

Russell Peters [33:20]: "I get home Sunday, like midnoon, and I leave like Tuesday or Wednesday."

Kat Dennings [33:36]: "He's not ready."

The conversation emphasizes the importance of being present for family amidst professional commitments, resonating with listeners juggling similar responsibilities.

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Closing Remarks

As the episode winds down, the hosts express their appreciation for Russell's participation:

Russell Peters [34:31]: "I feel like I've watched you both grow up."

Kat Dennings [34:43]: "That's right. Exactly."

Russell Peters [34:48]: "Twice."

Their heartfelt and humorous exchange encapsulates the essence of "Not Today, Pal"—celebrating friendships, shared histories, and the unique talents that each individual brings to the table.

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Conclusion

This episode of "Not Today, Pal" offers a rich tapestry of stories and insights, seamlessly blending humor with genuine conversation. From hidden talents like DJing to navigating the complexities of parenting and personal growth, Russell Peters adds a vibrant dynamic to the show. Listeners are treated to an engaging and entertaining discussion that underscores the importance of friendship and embracing one's unique abilities.

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Notable Quotes

• Russell Peters [04:02]: "I had it happen to me seven years ago in India."
• Kat Dennings [11:08]: "She looks so... gross."
• Russell Peters [22:06]: "Like funk and boogie and stuff like that."
• Russell Peters [23:20]: "I just freestyle wing, and I've been doing it 35 years."
• Russell Peters [25:43]: "I never got drunk till I was 31 years old."
• Russell Peters [34:31]: "I feel like I've watched you both grow up."

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This comprehensive summary captures the essence of the episode, highlighting key discussions, humorous exchanges, and memorable insights shared by Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Robert Iler, and Russell Peters.

Transcript

[Russell Peters]

Abc. Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears.

[Kat Dennings]

Dad, I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out what the rest of my life looks like.

[Tim Allen]

So a couple of days when his.

[Russell Peters]

Daughter moves back in.

[Tim Allen]

The last time you walked out that.

[Russell Peters]

Door, you looked back at me and.

[Tim Allen]

Gave me a double bird.

[Kat Dennings]

I was 18. The double bird was how I ended all our conversations.

[Russell Peters]

The wheels come off.

[Kat Dennings]

Can we try to talk to each other like rational adults?

[Tim Allen]

Have you watched the news lately? That's not a thing anymore.

[Russell Peters]

Series premiere Wednesday, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu. Not today, pal.

[Tim Allen]

Well, Chad's not in the booth today, but we have somebody else who has a crush on Jamie Lynn Sigler. Russell Peters.

[Russell Peters]

I do. I do. Hi. Hi, kids. How are you?

[Tim Allen]

How are you?

[Russell Peters]

I mean, I had.

[Kat Dennings]

I mean, she's still beautiful.

[Russell Peters]

It's not like I wouldn't. But we're both married now, so it's a different kind of crush. It's more of an admiration at this point.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Tim Allen]

And she's not shy to admit that. She likes to hear. She likes people to fawn.

[Kat Dennings]

She should give it to me.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, I mean, I would love to.

[Kat Dennings]

I'm coming off a week of literally just being infested with shit. I had lice in my head last week from my kids.

[Russell Peters]

Don't you talk dirty to me, lady. You know, and then your sex talk is horrible.

[Tim Allen]

When she was coming. When she got lice the week she was coming off of a seven day milk fast.

[Russell Peters]

You weren't taking milk.

[Kat Dennings]

All I did was drink milk for eight days.

[Russell Peters]

Cow milk, right?

[Kat Dennings]

Yes.

[Russell Peters]

Good. Yes.

[Kat Dennings]

I feel amazing. I don't want to waste our time with our guests talking about, did you.

[Russell Peters]

Not get the shits at all or.

[Kat Dennings]

I only got the shits. Of course I did. And you take these supplements and that's the whole purpose of it. It's a parasite cleanse. Yes.

[Russell Peters]

Okay.

[Kat Dennings]

And I feel really good, guys.

[Tim Allen]

What are you noticing?

[Kat Dennings]

Energy. So I have Ms. So even my sister has Ms. Really?

[Russell Peters]

My sister in law. I actually, all my charity work is for Ms.

[Kat Dennings]

Thank you. Thank. See, we're really. You know, you knew.

[Tim Allen]

None of mine is. No, I don't. No.

[Russell Peters]

This is for what he thinks.

[Kat Dennings]

It's my family.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

Are you Irish?

[Tim Allen]

I'm not buying.

[Kat Dennings]

Irish.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah, I'm Irish. Irish. I got some German, other stuff, but mainly Irish.

[Russell Peters]

There you go. Yeah. Well, that's why I had a drinking problem.

[Tim Allen]

Drinking problem.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah.

[Tim Allen]

You know, we're not we don't, we're not, we don't believe in charity. A whole bunch of stuff.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, we're walking stereotypes here. Anyway, my. Even my husband and my kid were telling me that they felt like my energy was stronger, that my body was moving better. I don't know, it might be bullshit, but I feel great.

[Russell Peters]

I tell my sister in law to get on the milk cleanse.

[Kat Dennings]

Apparently it's just sort of any sort of parasite cleanse, like any kind of sort of process that you want to do. I just happen to do mine with a milk cleanse.

[Russell Peters]

Okay.

[Tim Allen]

Have you ever done any kind of cleanse?

[Russell Peters]

No, no. I mean, I did that one where I had to go for a colonoscopy and they give you that drink.

[Kat Dennings]

How bad?

[Russell Peters]

Oh my God. You cannot leave the house that day.

[Kat Dennings]

No.

[Russell Peters]

And thank God I got a Japanese toilet.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

The best.

[Tim Allen]

I thought you were gonna say doctor.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

No, no, no, that drink.

[Russell Peters]

Cause he had small hands. It was weird when I went for the colonoscopy, I thought it was weird because both his hands were on my shoulders when he was checking me. I thought that was odd.

[Tim Allen]

But what do you.

[Kat Dennings]

You take that propofol nap. Who knows what happens?

[Russell Peters]

Who knows what happens on that nap? That's the best, that propofol, isn't it?

[Tim Allen]

What do you. You don't eat for how long on that? A day.

[Russell Peters]

A day. Like you stop eating at like a certain time, then you drink that drink and then you're done. You're. You can't, you can't hold anything down after.

[Kat Dennings]

No. Well, have you, have you ever literally hear a rumble?

[Russell Peters]

You're like, like you hear like a tremor.

[Kat Dennings]

Yes. You don't even feel it. You hear it and you run to.

[Russell Peters]

The bathroom and you're in there.

[Kat Dennings]

Yep.

[Russell Peters]

It sounds like you're just pouring buckets out of you.

[Kat Dennings]

It does.

[Tim Allen]

So have you ever had Montezuma's Revenge in Mexico?

[Russell Peters]

No. What's that? Was that.

[Tim Allen]

That's when. From eating like whatever. There's like, you like Double Dragon and you're just. You're. You can't hold anything in throwing.

[Russell Peters]

I mean, I'm going to India my whole life as a kid, so.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

Would that happen to you?

[Russell Peters]

Well, I had it happen to me seven years ago in India. We were shooting this series and we were shooting in like the. It's the biggest slum in the world in this one section we shot at. And in the daytime it looks kind of whatever. There's piles of trash and rats and whatever. But that's Kind of normal, but at nighttime, for some reason, it becomes alive. Like, all these storefronts open up, and there's people cooking on the streets. And I'm like, we're standing out. There was some guy cooking some sort of meat. I don't know what the meat was, but it smelled fantastic.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

And everybody on the cast goes, don't eat anything. Here I go. I go. It was on bread. I was like, this looks good. I was like, it. I'm getting in. I got one. I was like, it was delicious. And then for three weeks, I was.

[Kat Dennings]

Was it a person? Was it people?

[Russell Peters]

No, no, they don't. No, it was. I don't know what meat it was. They're very particular about meat in India, so it wouldn't be anything weird. But, you know, who knows what. What I was touching that day.

[Kat Dennings]

I mean, three weeks. That's so bad.

[Russell Peters]

Oh, man. I. My skin went amazing. That.

[Kat Dennings]

That it did.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah. Oh, you look so good. Yeah. All the selfies you got to take first. Like, dating app should be when you're, like.

[Russell Peters]

And throwing crazy gucks coming out of you, so your skin's pulling all the impurities out of you.

[Tim Allen]

You look so young. And I remember, like, in Mexico, everyone, like, after I was in my room for three days, I came out. Everyone was like, you look incredible. Like, I was top saw on the beach. I'm like, yeah, this is wow. But I was fully sitting on the toilet garbage can between the knees.

[Russell Peters]

Oh, yeah. I've had that happen before.

[Tim Allen]

Full. And everyone's like, it's the.

[Russell Peters]

You go green at that point, you become green. And then you come out of that.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah, it was. And then I told. Like, my friend was like, you think you could keep anything out down? I'm like, ginger ale. If you could bring me a ginger ale, I'd love you forever. And he. I don't know if he thought I said, like, a ginger shot. And he came with, like, orange juice and ginger in a cup. As soon as I saw him coming with a couple, I was like, I'm gonna throw up. Like, I was like, yeah. And he was like. And he, like, went all the way to get in, came back, and I was like, don't. Don't. Don't bring that in my room. And I felt so bad, but it was.

[Russell Peters]

Did you get the ginger, Alex?

[Tim Allen]

No. Yeah, I was. It was really. And then there was, like, a lizard on the ceiling my room. Like, sorry, Annie. Kind of like a. Oh, and he's not in there. Like, a big lizard was. Was on the ceiling. And I called up room service. I'm like, what. Can you guys, like, whoever. Like, can you send somebody to get this lizard, like, out of my. I don't want to sleep with this guy. And they're like, yeah, sure. And they came with, like, a pool net. And I'm like, oh, they're gonna, like, get this guy out and take him out. And the guy was like, yeah, I got it. And, like, he came in, he's nice. And as soon as he saw it, he just took one swing and fucking, like, chopped the thing in half. I was like, oh.

[Russell Peters]

Not what I was expecting.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah, not at all. What I. He was full. And it was like, like, you know, he didn't chop him in hand, but he, like, chops piece. The pieces are coming off. And then he's on the ground, like.

[Russell Peters]

Still just beating the.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah. And I'm like, oh. I'm like, you gotta go. I can't hold my. For my. For my. I'm just like, just. Just go off.

[Russell Peters]

You gotta blame the hotel. Why? You're sick. Ah, this guy made me sick.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Wow. Aggressive.

[Tim Allen]

Do you. I heard Andrew Dice Clay talking about a lot of. You know, there's like, the chicken or the egg of, like, do comedians become addicts? Or. Addicts comedians, whatever. But it's like, he talks about how when there's 20, 000 people yelling at you and you're on a stage or even 500 people or whatever, that energy.

[Russell Peters]

You'Ve been addicted to that for sure. Right?

[Tim Allen]

And then when you leave and it's like, all right, it was. You leave a show at midnight, and then you're going home, you know? Yeah, just go to bed. And it's like, well, that's where the. The addiction kicks in. Because it's like, well, what am I gonna. How am I gonna wind down? So it's like, how. How do you.

[Russell Peters]

Well, you know, the funny thing is people like, oh, it must be so rock and roll. You finished that show. And there's a party and there's chicks, and you're like, now, once you do the meet and greet, you're too tired to do anything. You're like. And then you focus on one girl and you're like, ah, forget it. Sweet. Go home, sweetheart.

[Tim Allen]

Go to bed.

[Russell Peters]

I'm not playing this game tonight.

[Tim Allen]

You're no Jamie Lynn Sigler. Get out of here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what. What do you. How do you wind down after a show? Like, when you get home? I'm burn out.

[Russell Peters]

I just burn out. But I'm not addicted. I don't have an addictive nature. Just like I. I could drink or not drink. I smoke cigars. But I could. I can go for weeks without smoking.

[Kat Dennings]

Right.

[Tim Allen]

So can you do a show for, like, 30, 000 people an hour later?

[Russell Peters]

Go to bed after we do the everything? Yeah, I gotta. Why I gotta sit in a room by myself.

[Kat Dennings]

You do.

[Russell Peters]

And just wind down, and then I need the silence. Like, you can hear the room just shut down on you. And then I go, all right, yeah, now I can go to bed now.

[Tim Allen]

And what's your wind on? You do a little TV? You do a little.

[Russell Peters]

I go to YouTube and I watch Pawn Stars.

[Tim Allen]

Hell, yeah. Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

So my.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, yeah.

[Russell Peters]

If you look at my. My YouTube history, it's just so dumb. You're like, yeah. What did you watch? I go, I don't know.

[Tim Allen]

You're like, I know. That's a fake sword, though. Yeah, I know, I know, I know. Real swords and fake swords.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tim Allen]

The. Because, James, like, I. I use ASMR to wind down sometimes.

[Russell Peters]

Really? You like that?

[Tim Allen]

And Jamie hates.

[Russell Peters]

I don't like the sound of it. I watch these guys clean, like, restoring watches or sneakers or whatever. Yeah, yeah, that's asmr. And I'm like, why is this so loud?

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, yeah. I can watch those. Those guys build, like, castles out of bamboo and sand.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah, that's nice.

[Kat Dennings]

I could watch that for a long time.

[Russell Peters]

I've been watching a lot of restoration. Stuff's been popping up in my feed because I watched one, and now it's like, cars, and it's with sneakers and it's watches, and I'm like, all right, that's cool. I like going to watch those guys who do the abandoned. They go to abandoned malls and stuff and abandoned houses. Those are fun to watch.

[Kat Dennings]

Abandoned malls.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

And what do they do?

[Russell Peters]

They just walk around. They try, and they show you pictures of what it looked like when it was alive and stuff.

[Kat Dennings]

It was co. Yeah.

[Tim Allen]

You know what I. I hate about that is, like, then, like, you watch a few, and you're like, oh, this is good. Then you realize, like, they realized it's so profitable that then people start faking it. Like, those guys who are like, I found this thing in the woods.

[Russell Peters]

Look.

[Tim Allen]

And then it's clear, like a whole, like, production. Oh, I just wasted. And the crazy thing is, you look in the comments, no one knows it's fake.

[Kat Dennings]

Nobody. Oh, they're removing those comments probably, maybe.

[Tim Allen]

But so many people are like, wow, I can't Believe that's in the middle of the wood and it's like 8, 000 likes. And you're like, you don't know that. Yeah, see I'm, I'm also.

[Russell Peters]

It's not a real anaconda in Ohio.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. We found a 30 foot shedding of a snake. Yeah, yeah.

[Russell Peters]

Ever seen that one where there's a snake wrapped around a car?

[Tim Allen]

No.

[Russell Peters]

And like the biggest snake in the world. I'm like, that's fake. I could see that it's fake.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah, yeah, I've seen those alligator thing.

[Kat Dennings]

Do you think there's people that are really buying my mom.

[Russell Peters]

My mom's 83. She watches you like, did you hear? And then she'll make up some wild ass star, go, mom. That's not real. I saw it on YouTube. It's real. I. It's not real, Ma. Yeah, you're getting clickbaited. Stop doing that.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah, I was on social media for a bit, like 13 years ago, however long it was 12 years ago.

[Russell Peters]

My spacing your life away, right.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah, it was like the beginning of Instagram. I was, I was there for a little bit, whatever. And like Facebook and I was like, I'm done. And then for like seven years, however long, like I didn't even look back. And then, you know, a few years ago I started seeing that like there's like acting on TikTok and.

[Russell Peters]

Oh yeah, these are audition.

[Kat Dennings]

That's right.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah. It's like these full bits. But people in the comments are like, have no clue that they're acting. And you're like, you don't know that. This is. It's really bizarre.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah. When you see like the like these fake fights and stuff, like, get out of here.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah. Or just like. Oh, yeah, I can't even. I don't know. But I, I'm so my goal is to find ASMR that Jamie will like because she's hated the few things I've.

[Russell Peters]

Like, what have you said?

[Kat Dennings]

I don't like sounds.

[Russell Peters]

I'm with you.

[Tim Allen]

No, you don't like any sounds.

[Kat Dennings]

No kids.

[Tim Allen]

Right. Every single day.

[Russell Peters]

Because your kids are always making noise. I mean, yeah, any kid makes. You don't have kids, right?

[Tim Allen]

No.

[Russell Peters]

Lucky.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah. I love, I get so much.

[Russell Peters]

I mean, I love my parents. I mean, Jamie probably loves her kids. But you remember your life before kids and you go, it was easier, wasn't it?

[Kat Dennings]

I do. Yeah. But I am. My kids are at an age now where they don't, they don't bother me.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, well, they don't need you as much. Unless they're hungry.

[Kat Dennings]

Oh, yes. Which now I'm also like, you can get it. You know, my kid this morning was like, can you get me the cholula? And I just like sat and looked at it. I'm like, you can?

[Russell Peters]

Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

You. You know exactly where it is.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

Chalooser.

[Kat Dennings]

That's what I should have said.

[Tim Allen]

We. So let's see. I got an ASMR for this week. Let's see if Jamie will appreciate this one. I think she'll.

[Russell Peters]

There's ASMR porn too. Maybe I'm just.

[Kat Dennings]

What?

[Russell Peters]

There is. I don't know.

[Tim Allen]

She wants regular porn.

[Kat Dennings]

Ew, ew, ew.

[Tim Allen]

Top right.

[Kat Dennings]

Taking bottom left until this is done.

[Russell Peters]

What is she doing?

[Kat Dennings]

I don't care.

[Tim Allen]

She's doing ASMR for Jamie.

[Kat Dennings]

Gross.

[Russell Peters]

I know, but what is that? Jamie, you licking something?

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, she's looking so.

[Tim Allen]

Those are ASMR ears.

[Kat Dennings]

Oh, ears.

[Tim Allen]

You guys don't like when girls would lick my ears?

[Russell Peters]

When a girl would lick my ears, I get upset cuz I'm like, me too.

[Kat Dennings]

It's gross.

[Russell Peters]

You're filling up my ear with spit and I don't want to.

[Kat Dennings]

It's such a nasty thing.

[Tim Allen]

Lick my ear all day.

[Kat Dennings]

Really?

[Tim Allen]

Oh, yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

No wonder you and Cutter love each other.

[Tim Allen]

Her husband, why he wants you to lick his ear all the time.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, he wants me to do like, weird too.

[Russell Peters]

I mean, you know, that's your husband he's supposed to want.

[Kat Dennings]

That's why, of course I wouldn't want him to want it from me, but. Ew. This is still not done.

[Tim Allen]

Okay, we ended.

[Kat Dennings]

You could stop. This is gross.

[Russell Peters]

Did you get a.

[Kat Dennings]

Does that upset you as much as it upsets me?

[Russell Peters]

No, but it sounds like somebody eating. I can hear it just.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, exactly. It sounds like somebody eating.

[Tim Allen]

You know, the last time we played one for Jamie, she said she got lightheaded and needed a protein bar.

[Russell Peters]

Wow.

[Kat Dennings]

It's true.

[Russell Peters]

A protein bar of all things.

[Tim Allen]

She really did.

[Kat Dennings]

That's all they have here.

[Tim Allen]

Oh, you're my favorite, Jamie.

[Kat Dennings]

I can't stand it. No.

[Tim Allen]

Thank you so much.

[Kat Dennings]

That was terrible.

[Russell Peters]

You gotta find ASMR porn. It's interesting. It's the same sound, but different region of the body.

[Kat Dennings]

I figured that's what it sounded like. It's just not like what I need to listen to anybody else. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Tim Allen]

Yeah, it just comes.

[Kat Dennings]

I'm already bothered by the live sounds when it happens. I don't want to listen to from.

[Russell Peters]

Someone else on headphones.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah. Can you imagine? I'm like, your husband's bang. You guys are having sex.

[Russell Peters]

You're doing this.

[Tim Allen]

Do you tell him to quiet down when he's banging you?

[Russell Peters]

Kids are in the next room. Don't enjoy it so much.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

Imagine you're like.

[Tim Allen]

It's like you. You play that thing they play the. Before the movies, where it's like. It's like, let them know. Be quiet when you're.

[Kat Dennings]

I think our kid walked in on us recently, by the way. I don't know. However, he came up to me in the morning, and he's like, hey. Like, he had, like, a cough.

[Russell Peters]

The younger one or the older one?

[Kat Dennings]

The older one.

[Russell Peters]

Oh, that's even worse.

[Kat Dennings]

And I'm like, what's up, buddy? I was like, you don't. You look like you don't feel good. He's like, yeah, I wasn't feeling good last night. And, you know, I came by your room, but you and dad just look really comfortable watching tv, so I didn't want to bother you. And he, like, kind of had a smile. And I'm like, we definitely weren't watching.

[Russell Peters]

TV last night, but he definitely was comfortable.

[Tim Allen]

Well, if you were having sex, you would have been uncomfortable, so. It wasn't. It probably wasn't.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah. You probably would have been like, mom, you looked so upset last night.

[Russell Peters]

Was your Ms. Acting up yesterday? Yes. Yes, it was.

[Kat Dennings]

Was dad stretching you while you were crying?

[Russell Peters]

Your dad was in mass.

[Tim Allen]

Don't you have a red light on when you guys are having sex?

[Kat Dennings]

Not every time. We don't have.

[Tim Allen]

We just got on air.

[Kat Dennings]

We're getting new lamps. No, me and my husband has a sex light. He has a light bulb and changes colors, and he likes to set a mood with music and lights. And I appreciate it, but we have our window with the effort. Yeah, our window. Like, we have a view for, like, we live on a golf course, and.

[Russell Peters]

So are you out here?

[Kat Dennings]

There's house. Yes. And there's houses across the golf course. Right. So, like, they would need, like, a telescope to look in however they could see the red light turn on.

[Russell Peters]

Oh. So it's like.

[Kat Dennings]

So I'm convinced. I'm convinced that the people that live on Lane know when the Dykstras are getting down. And now apparently my kid does, too.

[Tim Allen]

Cutters haven't said so. What'd you. What, you just. You just let it.

[Kat Dennings]

I let it go. We didn't say anything again. But, I don't know.

[Tim Allen]

I walked in on someone in My family. I won't say who had sex with their.

[Kat Dennings]

I walked into my parents once. It's the worst.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah. And they.

[Russell Peters]

Well, now we know it was one of the guys.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah. The next day, they tried to tell me. They were like, oh, you saw us wrestling last night?

[Russell Peters]

Yes. Yes, I did.

[Tim Allen]

And I was like, no, it was doggy. That was not. Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

Familiar.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah, it was like.

[Russell Peters]

It was a dog fight.

[Tim Allen]

It was like high school wrestling. Yeah, they were setting up. Yeah, it wasn't. You guys are not wrestling.

[Russell Peters]

I'm gonna start on my knees and you take me down.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah, yeah. You got Uncle. He got a point. I almost said his name.

[Russell Peters]

Uncle. It was Uncle.

[Tim Allen]

No, no, no. It was definitely not.

[Russell Peters]

Hey, it's turning red.

[Tim Allen]

Definitely wasn't Uncle Sean. What happened when you walked in on your parents?

[Kat Dennings]

Oh, no, I just. I was. Went to open their door, quickly saw what I saw, and I was living alone at home at the time. Both my brothers were older and in college. And I remember I just ran to my room and called my brother in college, and he had to just talk me down because I was real upset.

[Russell Peters]

Talked you off the ledge.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah.

[Tim Allen]

I was ready for having sex. I would just sit outside the door for the asmr. But I never walked in because he.

[Russell Peters]

Likes how he likes sounds. He's an audio guy.

[Tim Allen]

Sound guy.

[Russell Peters]

He's an audiophile, I think.

[Tim Allen]

Oh, Dad's licking Mom's ear again. Yeah. Really was into fucking.

[Kat Dennings]

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[Tim Allen]

I'm sure you've heard me talk about Mando Whole body deodorant. At this point, you can use it on your whole body. Yes, your whole body. It's dermatologist tested and gentle on your bits. Mando is created by a doctor who saw firsthand how normal BO is being misdiagnosed and mistreated. It controls odor for 72 hours. Clinically proven. You could choose from four cologne quality scents like Bourbon Leather, Clover Woods, Mount Fuji and Pro Sport. Or go unsalted if you want to get stealthy. Guys, we all use Mando. But also it's even in the bathroom here for the guests because everybody loves Mando. Mando starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant cream tube deodorant. Two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes and free shipping. Luckily, I have a discount code to help you get hooked on my favorite smelling whole body deodorant on the market. New customers get $5 off a starter pack with our exclusive COD code that equates to over 40. Off your starter pack use code not today at shopmando.com S-H-O-P m a n d o.com a clip of you saying, like, yeah, 40, 50. Like when you're older, it kind of all becomes the same.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah.

[Tim Allen]

And my, my dad said something recently where he was like, yeah, well, guys our age, something, something, something. And I was like, no, you're my dad.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah. How old's your dad now?

[Tim Allen]

My dad's only like 18 years older than me, so he's probably like 58.

[Russell Peters]

Your dad's only like four years older than me. That's wild.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah, my parents are young when they had me.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah.

[Tim Allen]

But they, yeah. Or maybe he's 17 years older than me even. But yeah, he was. He's like, you know, guys our age don't really have to think about stuff like that. And I was like, no, you're my dad.

[Russell Peters]

It's still now. Now he's looking at you as an equal.

[Kat Dennings]

I know it's a weird thing, but.

[Tim Allen]

I have a brother who's nine years younger than me. I'm like, yeah, guys, like, you know, like, yeah, we're just hanging with the guys.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah. Yeah. I'd say after 50, it doesn't matter how much older somebody is. And you the same memories.

[Kat Dennings]

Yep.

[Russell Peters]

We were 50 onwards. Like, it's, it's. I have, I say I have more in common with an 85 year old woman than I do with a 30 year old man.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah, it's true for sure. Because I. I also just want to chill and be left alone most of the time. Which is an older quality.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah.

[Tim Allen]

Which hit me at a pretty young age.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

You always seemed introverted though. Like. Like you didn't want to be bothered, but not in a rude way. Just kind of had that, like, I'm good.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah. I always. That's content.

[Russell Peters]

It was a content.

[Kat Dennings]

Well, nothing. Yes. And also like nothing impressed him in the best way. Where it was like he just. He didn't need for anything. There was no agenda. Rob's just the most authentic human being you'll ever meet in your entire life. So. Yes. I like to know that everyone picks up on that.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, it read that way.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah.

[Tim Allen]

Oh, thank you.

[Russell Peters]

It didn't read like a dick. It read like, oh, he's just doing what he does. He's doing him.

[Tim Allen]

When we were partying in Atlantic City, I was getting free drinks off. Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah. We would look at it. That's. That's so cool. That's so cool. The Soprano kids join drinking with us. I really. I think Spinbat has that on him. But he's dead, so I can't get the photo from him. But, you know, otherwise we would have had this photo floating around.

[Tim Allen]

Right now we actually do something on the show called Memory Lane where we show like an old photo of us. That would have been nice to have the old photo of me and you.

[Russell Peters]

I just showed you guys the old photo. Me and Michael Imperioli.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

2002.

[Kat Dennings]

Wow.

[Tim Allen]

I have. I have a memory lane for you. Let's see, let's see, let's see. It'll come up in the. The smallest.

[Russell Peters]

Here I am DJing.

[Tim Allen]

The smallest window possible will show up on the TV.

[Kat Dennings]

We just said we're old, make it bigger.

[Tim Allen]

So what was your. You're a big DJ guy?

[Russell Peters]

I still DJ. Really? I've been DJing for 40 years almost. Oh, no. If you started DJing in the 80s to play everything, you literally had to play everything. I play hip hop, house, R B.

[Kat Dennings]

What's your favorite type of music to dj?

[Russell Peters]

Like funk and boogie and stuff like that. Like disco and that kind of stuff.

[Kat Dennings]

Do you have a favorite night you've ever DJed?

[Russell Peters]

Anytime. It's. Well, there's this night in LA called Motown on Motown Mondays. It's in Echo park and you can only play music, not records that were on the Motown label.

[Kat Dennings]

Cool.

[Russell Peters]

But there's loopholes Like, I put on this one. I had this one mix of Nirvana, of the Smells Like Teen Spirit instrumental with Billie Jean over it. Acapella, Billie Jean. They're like, this is in Motown. Give it a second. I mixed in the Billie Jean. They're like, ah, I see what you did there. As long as there's Motown elements in there, you're good.

[Kat Dennings]

That's cool.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

So that's your favorite.

[Russell Peters]

That would know stuff like that. Fun. When you give me, like, a theme, I'm like, okay, I could do this.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

Otherwise, I go wild because I try to figure out, where's everybody? You're not dancing, you're dancing. How do I get them both dancing? And, you know, just keep going.

[Kat Dennings]

Wow.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

So you really have to read the room.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, you got to keep. It's like comedy. You got to keep reading the room.

[Kat Dennings]

Right. I'm sorry.

[Tim Allen]

No, you, please.

[Kat Dennings]

So when you're so in comedy, you know, I feel like you prepare an act. Right. But so if you're reading a room and you need to take it in another direction, do you have another sort of act prepared, or do you just start?

[Russell Peters]

I just freestyle wing, and I've been doing it 35 years. I mean, you figure it out after a while. You go, didn't like that one, huh? Okay, where do you guys want to go? And then we'll go there, and I'll go, okay, where you wanted to go is lame. Let's go back to where I was at now.

[Kat Dennings]

I love it.

[Tim Allen]

Wow.

[Russell Peters]

You know, it's like, what do you want to eat? I don't know, anything. You go, how about this? Okay. And it sucked. Okay, can we go back to where we really want to go now? You know, you knew where you wanted to go. You just didn't want to say.

[Kat Dennings]

Right?

[Russell Peters]

Right.

[Tim Allen]

Is there with, like, DJing and being a comedian, is there one more where you'll be like, all right, I'll give them what they want. And one more where you're like, no, I won't do what I want.

[Russell Peters]

I push it with comedy. I push it more with music. You can have. They don't have my trust. I don't have their trust yet. Yeah, like, I'll play what I know. They. I'll push them as far as I think I can get them before. And then I'll be like, ooh, I want to play this. It'd be a great song to play, but they're not going to get it, so I'm not going to do it.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah. So how often are you DJing now?

[Russell Peters]

I don't know. I play in the house all the time, more than anything. But you do like once in a month.

[Kat Dennings]

Music house. You always have music on?

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, there's always music playing.

[Tim Allen]

Cool.

[Russell Peters]

We have it wired in and.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tim Allen]

How do you. How do your kids feel about you DJing?

[Russell Peters]

No, they come in. My son will come and he's five. He's all into it. My daughter's 14. She doesn't even want to see me. She loves me, but just goes and sits in a room, you know what I mean? My son wants to get on the mic and I turn the echo on for him. My son's 5 and he loves Michael Jackson.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

And I told him, Michael probably would have loved you.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, but you know.

[Russell Peters]

But yeah, my son loves Michael Jackson, so he's obsessed with all that. And he loves Daddy. Play Bad or play Beat It? No, he likes bad and he likes that. Annie, are you okay? Smooth criminal. That's what he is.

[Kat Dennings]

That's a good one.

[Russell Peters]

And he gets all into it and I'm like, so funny to watch.

[Kat Dennings]

So cute.

[Russell Peters]

And he gets on them. He wants to hear 99 red balloons. Oh, and he wants the German version.

[Tim Allen]

Yes, 99 Luff balloons.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah. And he gets on there singing it. He doesn't know what he's saying. He's just singing along.

[Tim Allen]

So good.

[Kat Dennings]

Oh, to be that free.

[Tim Allen]

He's got good.

[Kat Dennings]

You know.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah. He's a good looking kid.

[Tim Allen]

We need to be that free. You just. You have three tequilas, anyone? Is that. It's just. That's the best.

[Russell Peters]

Three kilos.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

Can you drink? No, you can't.

[Kat Dennings]

I mean, I could.

[Russell Peters]

At ms, they always say not to do certain things, right. Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

I mean, alcohol is not good in general.

[Tim Allen]

Milk good?

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, milk is good. So Bailey's.

[Russell Peters]

Bailey's.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

Right. I've just. I've never been good on alcohol. I've never really liked it. It's just not. It's not where I felt carefree when.

[Russell Peters]

I first I got. Didn't start drinking until I was 31.

[Kat Dennings]

Like, didn't have a drink.

[Russell Peters]

I never got drunk till I was 31 years old.

[Kat Dennings]

Wow.

[Russell Peters]

And I was always scared of what I was hiding. I wasn't sure if I was hiding anger or sorrow or. Or. Or I didn't know what I was, what I was repressing. And as soon as I got the first time I got dr, I just remember laughing so much at everything, really. Am I holding back happiness? And then every time I got drunk, I just Laugh. And I was like, oh, I'm a happy drunk. Okay, I got it. And I was like. But now it takes me a long time to get drunk, so I don't bother because I get full.

[Kat Dennings]

Right?

[Russell Peters]

I'm like, I'm gonna be more full than I am drunk. And I'm not gonna be happy because I'd be so bloated from drinking all this shit.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah. Now that I'm like, almost 12 years out of drinking, I look back, I'm like. And people are like, you know that that beast is always right in you. And this. I'm like, there is no part of me that would go back to drinking. It'd be right to pills. Because it's so much fucking easy. Like, it's just the consuming, the having to be there. Like, a pill. And a pill is so personal. Where it's like, it's right in my pocket.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah.

[Tim Allen]

I take it. You have no fucking clue. Knowing where the drink. It's like you smell the glass and the thing. It's always like, you have to get more and more. It's like, this one bottle could last you a week in pills. Where, like, one bottle in fucking drinking lasts you 20 minutes.

[Russell Peters]

This show sponsored by Pfizer.

[Tim Allen]

Would you do. So you do, like, acting, producing, stand up, podcast, dj. Like, when you're doing all this stuff, is there one thing where you're like, I like this so much more than the other?

[Russell Peters]

Well, when I'm on stage doing stand up, I. I love it because that's where I'm, you know, it's where I'm comfortable DJing. I love it, but I get very nervous when I'm DJing.

[Kat Dennings]

You do?

[Russell Peters]

I sweat uncontrollably. My body, you never know that. My armpits and back are wet. I'm like. And it doesn't matter if I'm killing it or not. The point is, I'm just nervous because I don't want to lose this momentum and I don't want to lose this audience. And. Yeah, you don't want them to go, you suck. Stick to comedy, you know, And. And I'm like, when I was doing this before comedy.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, yeah.

[Russell Peters]

There's all the things you did, you know, I boxed, and it's like, people you want to come train? I'm like, I'm 54 years old. I'm not trying to box no more.

[Kat Dennings]

Right.

[Russell Peters]

Come on, bro. At the gym. Come on. Hit the pads a little bit, but it's always in you. And then, you know, I was. I was sugar Shane Mosley came to see me in June and in Vegas. And he was in my dressing room and we were talking about something. He goes, oh, I put my hands up because. Oh, you used to box. I go, yeah, how do you know? He goes, you stand, right? I go, I know, but I used to do it.

[Tim Allen]

He.

[Russell Peters]

So he throws a punch and I slipped and I countered and I hit him hard. I go, fuck. Sorry, man. I didn't. Goes, okay, you still got it. But I'm like, oh, I didn't know. It's. It's always there. Things are just there. You forget what's there. Yeah, it's probably whatever you did before.

[Kat Dennings]

Brain is wild.

[Russell Peters]

Did you ever do, like, ballet or stuff like that?

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, it'd probably come back to you. There's sometimes where I'll like, if I've ever seen an episode of Sopranos, like, just on, and I'll watch it and the dialogue will come back to me. Yeah, very strange.

[Russell Peters]

And you start mouthing it.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very weird.

[Tim Allen]

The craziest shit to me is smells. Like sometimes you smell something and I'm like, I'm in somebody's kitchen. I was in one time in my life right now, like, I could fully. And I'm like, I didn't even remember going to that person's house when I was 8.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

Oh, yeah. Smells are the best because they really trigger things.

[Kat Dennings]

They do.

[Russell Peters]

My friend told me my friend's father. My friend's parents died in a car accident, and we're good friends. So I, you know, I always make fun of not a dead parents, but I mean, I always make jokes about it. He's a cop.

[Tim Allen]

That's the best asmr, right? The screeching car stuff, it's so good.

[Russell Peters]

So. So he told me his dad used to like this really shitty cologne from the 70s called Gene the Tay. So I don't know how I found it on Amazon. And I got a bottle of the Gene the Tay and I got. So for Christmas, I got him a box of tissues and the Gene the Tay. And I go open this. He opens the tissue because the. Is this. I go, hold on. Then he opens the Gina Tay and he goes. He sprays. He started cracking. That's what the tissues are for. Then I started crying. I was like, hi, you. How'd you get me with this?

[Tim Allen]

Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

Wow.

[Tim Allen]

You know, it's one of those things that's really sweet.

[Kat Dennings]

That was thoughtful.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, it was thoughtful and rude and mean at the same time because I did it to make him cry. But I know I would get caught up in the crying too, you know?

[Tim Allen]

Yeah. You're like, oh, this isn't fun.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah. I thought it was gonna be funnier than this.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah.

[Tim Allen]

I never even met your friend.

[Kat Dennings]

Let's go back to what we really came with. Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

Here's the cookies you wanted.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah.

[Tim Allen]

Speaking of Christmas, I think we have one other memory lane.

[Russell Peters]

Oh, geez.

[Kat Dennings]

Oh, look at this.

[Russell Peters]

13 years ago.

[Tim Allen]

Wow. See, I was drunk this night.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, you were.

[Tim Allen]

Wow.

[Russell Peters]

What.

[Tim Allen]

So what's going on here?

[Kat Dennings]

Tell us all about this.

[Russell Peters]

I had a Christmas special in Canada called A Very Russell Peters Christmas. And I'm on roller skates there. You can't see it, but I. Because I've been roller skating since the 70s, so I know I can handle so many talents.

[Tim Allen]

You do it all.

[Russell Peters]

I could do a couple of things.

[Kat Dennings]

And your special skills, part of your resume must be very long.

[Russell Peters]

I don't know.

[Kat Dennings]

I never think, you know, roller skating.

[Russell Peters]

You never think about these things. You think you're like, it sounds. I don't like doing it because I feel like you're bragging and I'm like, these are just things. But if you get old, once you get older, you realize it did a lot of things in your life.

[Kat Dennings]

That's what I'm saying. Yeah.

[Tim Allen]

And it's like you have that drive to be good at it. Where a lot of people are like, like, there's like, I did skateboarding, I, if I got on a skateboard, Tony Hawk would be like, oh, you've never skateboarded, huh? Like sugar. Shane was like, oh, you box. It'd be the opposite. But you have that drive.

[Russell Peters]

It's in there. It's just, you know, and I do jiu jitsu with, you know, and so it's all these things pop up here and there. And when you, When I meet a lot of fighters and like, they're like, I remember talking to one fighter, he's a professional, he's a UFC fighter. And he was like talking about his ground game's not that good. I go, here's some couple of tips. And you know, I'm showing this UFC fighter some simple jiu jitsu moves. And I'm like, this is so wild because this guy could beat the out of me easily.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, yeah.

[Russell Peters]

You know, and I'm showing, I'm not even, I'm not even a high ranking guy. I'm a low level guy. I'm like, you know, but the moves I show because, oh, thanks. I'm gonna use that. I go oh, yeah, just work on it a couple of times. Would you please don't just go randomly using it.

[Tim Allen]

What's. So when you go on the road, what do you have stuff where you're like, if I left this at home, I'm like, what is your stuff? Where you're like, I have to have this? Or you're just like, whatever I got. Like, if you forgot to pack something and you're like, oh, no, I left this at home. Is there.

[Russell Peters]

That's. Like, that really bothers you, you know? And there's the weird things that happens all the time like that. I'm like, God damn it. I forgot. I forgot my, you know, my needle. You know, I gotta take my needle once a week. And I'm like, I start playing or when I'm going on a long tour and I have these meds that I take every day. I'll. I'll pack 14 days. And then I'm like, I'm gonna get past two weeks. I'm out for a month. And then I gotta pack the whole bag of drugs now. And then I'm scared because I'm like, is this other country gonna think. And I'm smuggling. Smuggling drugs into their country. I'm like, no, it's like metformin and vitamin D and shit like that. But they're gonna be like, he's a drug dealer.

[Kat Dennings]

You know, it's your supplements.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

It's hard to be healthy.

[Russell Peters]

It is. Yeah. The metformin helps you lose weight too. It's not that either one of you need it. It's a pre diabetic drug. Oh, my doctor was your pre diabetic. Do I have diabetes? Yeah. She goes, no. And I go, well, then everybody's pre diabetic if they don't have diabetes. I'm pre dead too.

[Kat Dennings]

That's right. Exactly.

[Russell Peters]

I'm pre heroin addict. I'm pre anything if I'm not it.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah. What does that even mean? When they find a mole and they're like, it's pre cancerous.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah. I'm like, we're all pre cancerous if we don't have cancer, right? Yeah.

[Tim Allen]

I was smoking when I was 12.

[Russell Peters]

I was pre cancerous.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

Yep.

[Tim Allen]

Damn. What? So. So if you're. Do you do something special, like if you are going on the road like you said, sometimes you go for a month, like, do you do something special the night before with your wife to be like, okay, this is our last night or is every night like, yeah, I'm always gone.

[Russell Peters]

Every. I'm home for two days a week.

[Kat Dennings]

Wow.

[Russell Peters]

I get home Sunday, like midnoon, and I leave like Tuesday or Wednesday and I'm gone.

[Kat Dennings]

They're just used to it.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah. That's just like. I try to see my kids. That's what I. Because I got two kids and two baby mamas, I like to confuse things in life. So I try to get at least one or both of them, you know, if I get my son for a few hours even. Because I don't want him to forget that he has a dad.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

He's at that age where, you know, he likes going to daddy's house. Daddy, am I having a sleepy One sleepy or two sleepies? And I'm like, no, baby, no sleepies this week because you got school now. He's in school now. For sakes.

[Kat Dennings]

Who told kindergarten?

[Russell Peters]

Yeah. Pre K even.

[Tim Allen]

Oh, is that.

[Russell Peters]

He got demoted.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah.

[Russell Peters]

From kindergarten to pre K. I'm like, what?

[Kat Dennings]

He's not ready.

[Russell Peters]

I know. I'm like, he's five. Let him do pre. Let him do the kindergarten. He'll figure it out. He's not stupid. My kid's really smart.

[Tim Allen]

Were you excited to put your kid in school or is there like a. Huh.

[Russell Peters]

No. His mom wanted him to go to this one very expensive school, and because the state of California told him I have to pay for it, I.

[Kat Dennings]

Yes.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah. So I.

[Kat Dennings]

How it works.

[Russell Peters]

So I'm like, oh, great. I hope he's learning a lot in pre K. For fucking university money.

[Kat Dennings]

For real.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah, that. Well, listen, we really appreciate you coming.

[Russell Peters]

This is it.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, this is. We. We do 30 minute episodes.

[Russell Peters]

That's a good way to do it.

[Kat Dennings]

I know.

[Russell Peters]

Did we hit the 30 minute mark? Oh, look at you.

[Kat Dennings]

We're short and sweet here.

[Russell Peters]

I think you're both short. Both sweet, though.

[Kat Dennings]

Thank you.

[Tim Allen]

Short and sweet.

[Kat Dennings]

That's what we're going up.

[Tim Allen]

That's exactly what I am. I. We appreciate you coming. We'll see you guys.

[Russell Peters]

Thanks, Jamie. That's very sweet to have you. You too. You know, and let me tell you both, I've been admiring you your whole lives.

[Kat Dennings]

Wow.

[Russell Peters]

I feel like I've watched you both grow up. And you did. It's less creepy now. It's less creepy.

[Kat Dennings]

Good.

[Tim Allen]

We should have just said you had a crush on one of us and left it up for.

[Kat Dennings]

Well, I really tried to gross you out completely by telling you I had lice.

[Russell Peters]

I know. I've had chlamydia, so it's fine.

[Kat Dennings]

Okay. Oh, okay. We're even then.

[Tim Allen]

Twice.

[Russell Peters]

Twice.

[Tim Allen]

About it. I have it right now.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah, I'm a little itchy in the shaft. Leave me alone.

[Tim Allen]

Guys, there was a guy. We'll keep going, but there's a guy, a 90 day fiance, who just had to tell the girl he had gonorrhea. And the way he did was, he was like. Because she obviously, like, there's a little bit of broken English there. And he's like, my music, my penis is angry. He's like, it's upset, you know, and he's like, it's erupting. And he starts out. I'm like, jesus. No, no, no. Ed is. That guy's on another one. It's this guy named Lauren who says that he doesn't understand.

[Kat Dennings]

His name is Lauren.

[Tim Allen]

His name is Lauren. He says he doesn't understand why growing up, everyone thought he was gay, but then he is with men. Like, he dates men, but he's like, I don't know why everyone thought I was gay.

[Russell Peters]

It's like, well, because you kind of. Signs are out there.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah. You're wearing a corset.

[Russell Peters]

Yeah.

[Tim Allen]

Shopping for. He's homeless, has no money, but he's like, I need a corset.

[Russell Peters]

Well, yeah, Priorities, you know, you need what you need and you want what you want.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah, yeah. Just a sense of difference between needs and wants.

[Russell Peters]

This guy needed a corset.

[Kat Dennings]

That's right.

[Russell Peters]

He wants a home, but he needs a corset.

[Kat Dennings]

Big difference.

[Tim Allen]

All right, thank you so much. We'll see you guys next week.

[Russell Peters]

Thanks, guys. Thank you. Kapoom. One time in hat. One of the times. Ripper at New Jersey Battery. Capone. One time in hat. When I stop Ripper J Battery. Not today.