This Sopranos Scene Hit Different w/ Ralph Barbosa & Jaime Garcia | Not Today, Pal

Summary

Not Today, Pal – "This Sopranos Scene Hit Different"

Podcast: Not Today, Pal (YMH Studios)
Hosts: Jamie-Lynn Sigler & Robert Iler
Guests: Ralph Barbosa & Jaime Garcia
Release Date: September 18, 2025

---

Episode Overview

This episode brings comedians Ralph Barbosa and Jaime Garcia together with hosts Jamie-Lynn Sigler and Robert Iler, former on-screen siblings from The Sopranos. The group delves into the contrasts between their off-screen friendships and their on-screen family lives, explores relatable moments from The Sopranos, riffs on stand-up nerves and rituals, and strays hilariously into topics covering food compulsions, peculiar snack choices, social media "toxic tips," and their long-running road friendship dynamic.

---

Main Themes & Purpose

• The enduring influence and relatability of The Sopranos
• The weird pressures and rituals of stand-up comedy life
• Themes of nostalgia, personal quirks, and self-acceptance
• The chaos and comedy of friendship, travel, and food orders on the road
• Toxic but loving friendship habits, both onstage and off

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter & Podcast Crossovers ([00:13]–[02:35])

• Ralph and Jaime recall prior podcast guest dynamics, such as jokingly asking for two bottles of champagne as their "rider."
• Story about being offered mushroom gummies at a podcast studio, and their mutual hesitation to accept random substances from strangers.

Ralph: "Everything people give me at podcasts, I don't take them. I'm sorry." [02:29]

---

2. Drugs, Mushrooms, and Self-Revelation ([02:36]–[04:36])

• Ralph shares an experience with mushrooms, leading to deep, candid self-reflection about his voice and how childhood insecurities influenced his path to comedy.
• The group jokes about how mushrooms don't always foster self-acceptance; sometimes they amplify insecurities.

Ralph: "I just hallucinated a lot. And then I remember things I didn’t want to remember...I realized the first time that I realized I’ve never liked my voice." [03:37–03:52]

Jamie (on acting's impact): “The lines got blurry in the sense of just...There were moments…I was legit sad in that scene because it was like, 'Oh, more of like, we’re not gonna do our family scenes anymore.'” [05:53]

---

3. The Sopranos Resonates with Real Life ([05:00]–[08:49])

• Ralph opens up about his family’s involvement in “less than legal activities” and how certain Sopranos scenes—particularly the funeral scene where Tony winks at AJ—reminded him of his own family, especially his uncle.
• Jamie discusses the emotional overlap between real life and long-term TV roles, with scenes blurring the line between actor and character.

Ralph: “My family was involved in less than legal activities when I was a kid...That show really, like, struck a chord.” [05:23–05:36]

---

4. Evolving Relatability as Adults ([07:44]–[09:09])

• Ralph discusses how, as a teen, he identified with Sopranos character AJ, but now as an adult, he finds himself identifying more with Tony, noting: “I yell a lot.”
• The idea that some shows “hit different” as you age.

---

5. Stand-up Comedy: Pre-show Anxiety & Routine ([09:19]–[14:46])

• Jamie asks Ralph and Jaime about the nerves before performing stand-up. Jaime admits to near-blackouts from nervousness, especially when opening a show.

Hyman/Jaime: “Nervous. Like I’m about to black out...The first line in the joke, it’s gotta hit, right?” [10:07–10:30]

• Ralph describes mentally escaping by imagining alternate lives, referencing a Rain Man movie scene where he could just be a guy in Ohio instead.

Ralph: “There’s been times where I’m so nervous to go on stage—I imagine that house, and just like, I could be that lady’s husband in like, some life.” [13:55–14:37]

---

6. Food Quirks, Friend Fights, and Travel Chaos ([15:09]–[39:58])

• The crew dives into food obsessions: Ralph and Jaime's conflicts over ordering food on tour, ketchup on popcorn (Jaime’s special), and the etiquette of pizza toppings and what makes a “purist.”
• They share hilarious road stories, like ending up at a “gay diner” by accident with a menacing lack of service, and getting food poisoning from a northern Mexican restaurant.

Hyman/Jaime: “You guys ever put popcorn with ketchup?” [21:32]
Jamie: “How do you even eat that?” [21:39]

• Ralph details the food-ordering power struggle on the road:

Ralph: “Just make chickens, McDoubles, fries, nuggets...just a bunch of that, just a bunch of that.” [29:03] Jamie: “You need to just give him like...‘This is the pizza order. This is the burger order.’” [29:07]

• Tales of mishaps and pet peeves, like being forced to attend a gay diner in Minnesota (with assless chaps), and learning not to trust certain foods far from home.

---

7. Neurodiversity, Habits, and “Is It Autism?” ([16:45]–[26:00])

• Playful talk about “quiet guy in a loud world”—Ralph’s would-be self-help book about convincing people they’re not autistic.
• Robert Iler shares self-diagnosed quirks post-sobriety, sparking open and comedic reflection on OCD-like behaviors and neurodivergence in adulthood.

Rob: "The older I get the more convinced I am I'm autistic. So I would need your book." [17:12] Ralph: "...Maybe you are autistic, but maybe you're not autistic enough." [17:17]

---

8. Social Media “Toxic Tips” & Image Management ([43:04]–[44:34])

• Ralph shares a deliberately manipulative method for catching women’s attention on Instagram by posting matcha photos on Close Friends to spark intrigue and jealousy.

Ralph: “You add your crush to your close friends...and you post a story of just your matcha...Just mystery is mysterious. My friends do it and girls talk to them all the time now.” [43:14–43:47] Jamie: “Good toxic tip.” [43:54]

• They observe how people act uncharacteristically on social media for attention, often feeling embarrassed in real life.

---

9. Friendship, Manipulation & Road Stories ([46:09]–[53:56])

• The comedy duo reflects on their long, occasionally contentious friendship (since 4th grade!). Ralph claims Jaime can be “manipulative” in his nice-guy persona.
• Reliving a mutual grudge over club dancers in Houston and a “thankless” sponsored birthday in Vegas—with mock-resentment and a lot of laughs.

Ralph: “I think Jaime, he come off like a nice guy. You might be more manipulative than...” [49:40]

---

10. Money Mysteries & Antiques ([55:04]–[57:26])

• Ralph hilariously interrogates Jaime’s finances, wondering where all his money goes since he has so many odd jobs, only a few outfits, and loves vintage decor. Turns out, Vegas and “dancers” are the main expense.

Ralph: “The man has three outfits. Where is his money?” [56:41]

---

11. Tour Dates and Farewells ([59:33]–[61:19])

• Ralph plugs his comedy tour (barbosacomedy.com) and rib Jaime for only showing up for the “big” shows.
• Invitation for Jamie and Robert to join the San Antonio show on December 19.
• Lighthearted wrap-up about their dynamic: “Jaime is my own Paulie Walnuts” and/or “Rain Man” ([60:51]).

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• "I let my hate for myself design my whole life. What am I, Batman? Like, calm down." – Ralph [04:33–04:36]
• "That show really, like, struck a chord." – Ralph [05:36]
• "You ever see a movie Rain Man?... Sometimes where I’m so nervous to go on stage, I imagine that house." – Ralph [13:55]
• "Popcorn with ketchup…as kids, it was a bunch of us at the house, and we just made snacks up." – Jaime [22:10]
• "I could never do that [stand-up]. That is literally the scariest thing in the world to me." – Jamie [10:54]
• "Give me the name of your book one day." – Jamie [16:45]
• "I haven’t yelled at you in, like, a year." – Ralph [33:01]
• "The man has three outfits. Where is his money?" – Ralph [56:41]
• "Jaime is my own Paulie Walnuts." – Ralph [60:51]

---

Timestamps Guide

• [00:13] – Show opens; guests introduced, playful riffing
• [02:27] – Mushroom gummies story and self-reflection
• [03:36] – Ralph’s childhood insecurity and its impact
• [05:00] – The Sopranos scene that hit different
• [07:44] – Relating to AJ vs. Tony as you age
• [09:19] – Stand-up nerves, routines, and imagined escapes
• [16:45] – Ralph’s imagined self-help book & autistic identity banter
• [21:32] – Ketchup on popcorn
• [27:01] – Food ordering chaos and group friction
• [34:33] – The accidental gay diner story
• [43:04] – “Toxic” social media tips and matcha Instagrams
• [55:04] – Ralph investigates where Jaime’s money goes
• [59:33] – Tour promotions and friendly jabs in the sign-off

---

Final Thoughts

This episode is a hilarious, human, and surprisingly heartfelt glimpse into the messy, loving chaos of close friendships, with plenty of food fights, nostalgia, and comedic wisdom. Fans of The Sopranos, stand-up, or just enduring friendships with weird quirks, will find plenty to savor—and laugh about—here.

Transcript

[Jamie]

Not today. Do you notice everybody just goes like this when the song plays?

[Ralph]

I love it. It's a good song.

[Jamie]

Yeah, it's a. It's a bop, huh?

[Ralph]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Song. Shout out to Heather. We got. We got Ralph and Jaime here this week. Where are the drinks for our guest?

[Ralph]

Oh, I have.

[Hyman]

I have liquid there.

[Ralph]

Where.

[Host 1]

Where are the drinks for our guests? Here we go. Yeah, Jaime said. I said, you guys need anything? Jaime said, two bottles of.

[Ralph]

This was your writer last time we had you on our podcast.

[Host 1]

Yeah, they had a. They had me on their pod. And, like, right before, he's like, do you need anything? I'm like, yeah, two bottles of champagne. He's like, we're not prepared for that. And I was like, no, I'm just kidding. So then I wrote him, do you guys need anything? And he said, yeah, two bottles.

[Jamie]

Here they are.

[Host 1]

So this is. Yeah.

[Ralph]

Nice.

[Host 1]

Yeah, this is good.

[Jamie]

We're good hosts.

[Host 1]

Now. You. Can you guys drive drunk out of here?

[Ralph]

Nah. Yeah, I'm definitely driving. I drove here. How do you get. You. You Ubered here?

[Hyman]

Yeah, from the airport.

[Ralph]

Oh, that's bad.

[Host 1]

You want to get hammered?

[Hyman]

No, I've been sober.

[Host 1]

Yeah, good. Me too. So why'd you ask for two bottles.

[Hyman]

Of champagne for him?

[Ralph]

I'm trying.

[Host 1]

He's driving.

[Ralph]

Yeah. Why are you doing this, bro? I don't know. People's money.

[Host 1]

Damn, bro.

[Hyman]

He's got to celebrate his special, so.

[Ralph]

I'm doing all right.

[Host 1]

That's right. We got the special. We got the YouTube. We got the. We got the formula bean. YouTube. Yeah, we got thank. Dude, thanks for coming in. You. You drove. You flew.

[Hyman]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Wow. This is. So. Last time I went to do their podcast, I thought they were just, like, around the corner, and they're like, yeah, we just drove three hours to come. Where. Where were we?

[Ralph]

I don't know that. That studio was kind of far out there.

[Host 1]

It was in the middle of nowhere.

[Hyman]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

Where in Texas had a sound bed.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

Did you remember that?

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

You didn't want to do it. You were scared.

[Hyman]

Yeah. Well, I think it was a YMH studios. Like, they work with them.

[Host 1]

Yeah, they work with them, but it's not like a Wyoming. But it's like a. You know. But the studio was dope. Like, the way that they decorated it, like, it looked really nice.

[Ralph]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

But I have. I have. I have no idea where I was. I've never been back.

[Ralph]

And the dude was like, we have these mushroom gummy things you can have. And I was like, no, I'm Okay. Because I'm like, had some bad trips and he was like, no, no, no, these are good. And I'm like, no, I'm okay. He's like, no, no, no, like they're good. Like just take them. So we took a bunch of mushrooms with us.

[Host 1]

Did you end up taking them or no, no.

[Ralph]

I'm sorry, guy. Everything people give me at podcast, I don't take them. I'm sorry.

[Jamie]

I agree. Yeah, I think that's the way to go.

[Host 1]

But then it's good cuz then there's somebody like in your family or somebody who's like happy when you give that to them.

[Ralph]

No, yeah, we just. Kik took them. Yeah, I think Kik took one and then the homeless guy took another one.

[Host 1]

Oh, that's good.

[Ralph]

So yeah, the guy gets a little escape for a while, you know, take.

[Host 1]

The edge off or he ended up in prison.

[Jamie]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Because he, you know, wild it out a little bit. Did you, have you ever done mushrooms?

[Hyman]

No, I've never done any drugs. I mean, I smoke weed every now and then, but mushrooms, never. I see how he gets.

[Ralph]

I'm like, nope, no I didn't. Shut up.

[Host 1]

Wow, you make a fool yourself on the mushrooms.

[Ralph]

Maybe once. Usually I play real suave. You know what I mean?

[Jamie]

Usually.

[Ralph]

Usually I'm just like unlock 100 of my brain.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

Nah, maybe not. I would. I've never been the type to like, you know when they say, oh, you, you eat mushrooms and you become more in touch with like living organisms and like more in tune with yourself. I didn't get none of that. I just hallucinated a lot.

[Host 1]

Really.

[Ralph]

And then I remember things I didn't want to remember. Like notice things I didn't want to notice. Like I came to the realization that I've never like, I've never liked my voice.

[Jamie]

You've never liked your voice?

[Host 1]

Oh, you realize that on mushrooms?

[Ralph]

Yeah, Like I realized the first time that I realized that. Does that make sense?

[Host 1]

Yeah. No, but that's. It's weird because normally when you do those kind of drugs, you accept yourself more. You're doing the opposite. You're finding out what you don't like about yourself.

[Ralph]

Yeah, I remember I had like a flashback to like being in elementary school and people were trying to talk to me, but I didn't want to talk cuz because I thought I talked funny. So I wouldn't say anything unless I thought it was going to be funny because people would laugh at the way I talked anyway. You know what I mean?

[Host 1]

That is a big Realization, though, because that shows why you chose, maybe the profession you chose.

[Ralph]

Yeah, but that's what sucks about mushrooms, is because once I realized it, I was like, ah, I should have just been like a fisherman. Why'd I give into this? You know?

[Host 1]

Right. I let my hate for myself design my whole life.

[Ralph]

Yeah. What am I, Batman? Like, calm down. How are you guys been? What's new with you guys?

[Jamie]

Oh, you know, nothing.

[Host 1]

Yeah, I'm good.

[Ralph]

That's good.

[Host 1]

Chilling. That's good. I did some. I just did. Went to New York for a little bit. But I. I wanted to ask you if you could tell Jamie what you told me about your. What, like the realization you had when you were watching Sopranos. Like, what you learned about your family.

[Ralph]

Oh, yeah, I just. I really connected with it. I was telling them that I really like the scene when it's in. I think it's. Yeah. Season one, when Tony looks back at AJ at the funeral and he winks at him and then you look back at him and I'm like, like, I told you so.

[Host 1]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ralph]

It just, you know, it reminded me of my uncle a lot. Like, I. My family was involved in less than legal activities when I was a kid. Like, had a whole lot of stuff and that. Yeah, that show really, like, struck a chord.

[Jamie]

Wow.

[Ralph]

Oh, I've chills so many reasons. Yeah, it was cool. It's all. It's all. It's weird because, like, I almost want to talk to you guys. Like, you remember when your dad would.

[Jamie]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

So much crime on his mind. Right. It's like you somewhat recollect. But I gotta. I gotta remember you guys were playing characters at times.

[Jamie]

Yeah, I mean, I think the lines got blurry in the sense of just, you know, when you play a character for so long and like, you. Like, there were moments. I remember when Tony and Carmela, the scene where they tell us they're gonna get a divorce. Like, I was legit sad in that scene because it was like, oh, more of like, we're not gonna do our family scenes anymore. Like, I'm gonna miss this. So. Yeah, the lines definitely get blurry for it.

[Ralph]

I remember your character a lot of the time, you know, would like. Like any teenager would have, like, beef with Tony and Carmela and stuff. And. And she'd be like, oh, you know, I don't even talk to him anymore. Like, what do I care? And then, you know, as she gets older and I remember there's that scene where, like, Tony's getting arrested and your character was real mad. She's like, how could they embarrass him like that? Like, just, you know, showing power and stuff and. Yeah, that kind of. Yeah, that kind of hurt a lot too. Like, I remember when my uncle got busted, I was already. I was already grown. I was maybe about to be 18, and I. I went with one of his baby mamas to get money to go get a lawyer and immediately go to the. I forgot what it's called, like, because he had just been arrested. And then they do, like, the. I don't know what it's called where you, like, you know, each. They got, like, everybody they've arrested over the. Over the last night or so, and they're just like, how do you plead? Like, guilty, not guilty, no contest.

[Jamie]

Right.

[Ralph]

And then. But I remember when he was in there, he was in there with, like. It was like, U.S. marshals and, like, DEA and stuff. And like, he wasn't even allowed to look back at us. And I was just like, damn. Like. But, you know, not trying to say they're like, oh, DA's or evil, whatever. Like, I don't want to antagonize anybody, but. Yeah, I don't know. It's just. Sopranos was very relatable.

[Jamie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ralph]

I was also telling them how, like, when. When I was a kid, I felt like I related to AJ's character a lot.

[Hyman]

I was.

[Ralph]

I don't want to talk on aj, but I was a very spoiled, emotional kid, you know, I mean, I was taking a lot of things for granted, but now that I'm older, feel myself relating to Tony a lot, which is scary.

[Jamie]

Wow.

[Ralph]

Yeah. I yell a lot.

[Host 1]

Have you. Have you re. Watched the show? Like, do you watched it as a kid now? You watch it as an adult or you just.

[Ralph]

Yeah, no. Yeah. Because as a kid, I didn't really understand a lot of it. I catch it on TV with my uncle. My uncle actually loved the show, too. Yeah, my uncle, like, loved the show. He has a poster or, like, all of you guys signed it or something. You know, like, one of those things. Yeah, one of his other, you know, dealer friends gave it to him. That guy paid a lot of money for it a long time ago, gave it to him, and he left it at my grandma's house, and we take care of it and stuff. My uncle's free, by the way, and, like, alive.

[Jamie]

Great.

[Ralph]

So good.

[Host 1]

That's good.

[Jamie]

Shout out your uncle. I'm glad.

[Ralph]

Yeah, yeah, he's. He's paid his debt. He's a truck driver now.

[Host 1]

Oh, wow.

[Jamie]

Great.

[Host 1]

You get to spend time with him now.

[Ralph]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He still, like, he lives, like, he's still in the life, right? He's not, thankfully, but, like, he's. He's well off. And so, like. Like, we were in. We had shows in Las Vegas, so he'll just pull up and just, like, party, like, if he's still young.

[Jamie]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

Guys pushing 50. But he's still, like, good for him.

[Host 1]

Yeah, yeah, we got. We definitely. I know some people like that. What are you. So you got a special that just came out.

[Ralph]

Yeah, yeah. On Hulu. It's called Planet Bosa. This is like, a nerdy reference to, like, Planet Vegeta from Dragon Ball Z. Oh, wow.

[Jamie]

You're just speaking another language.

[Host 1]

You have. I've never seen. I've never seen Sopranos or Dragon Ball Z.

[Ralph]

Those are, like, the top two shows, man.

[Host 1]

I gotta. I gotta figure it out. But what. What I wanted to know from both of you, too, is like, 30 seconds before you go out and do stand up, what are you like? Like, I know I've been around a lot of comedians, and some of them are just like, yeah, whatever. And then other people, like, are like, no, I. Like, every time I go out, I black out. And, like, I don't remember. Like, I get very nervous still. Ten years in.

[Ralph]

Oh, I let Jaime go first on this one. Me.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

Yeah. Okay. But that's why I want your perspective.

[Host 1]

Yeah. What is it, like, 30 seconds before you're about to go on stage, how are you feeling?

[Hyman]

Nervous. Like I'm about to black out. And then it depends if I'm opening, like, code open, or I'm going up, like, in the between acts.

[Ralph]

That is way different.

[Hyman]

Because cut open, nobody knows who you are. You don't know if they're. People don't know if you're funny or not. And I'm like, any. The first stuff you say, like the first line in the joke, it's gotta hit, right?

[Jamie]

Otherwise you lose them, Right?

[Hyman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ralph]

Because you only got, like, maybe 40, 50 of them that actually are gonna hear it. So if they hear it and laugh, then the other ones are gonna be like, wait, hold on. What do you say?

[Jamie]

Right?

[Ralph]

So then they can hear the next one.

[Host 1]

Because people are just, like, settling in.

[Ralph]

Yeah, they're settling in. Or a lot of people have that bias of, like, he's the first guy. He's gonna suck. Why even watch him? Of course.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

Oh, you go with that to shows, right? Do you go to shows?

[Jamie]

Sometimes. And I. Every time I go, I. I could never do do that. That it literally that is the scariest thing in the world to me is to be a stand up.

[Host 1]

Listen, I don't know about you but man, I feel like scams are everywhere lately.

[Jamie]

Everywhere.

[Host 1]

The texts, the calls, the fake links. I mean it feels like someone's always trying to get your money. That's why I like that. Cash App puts security first. When it comes to your money, you deserve to feel safe from fraud and in control. And that's exactly what you can expect. With Cash App.

[Jamie]

Yep. With Cash App you can spend, save and live your life knowing your money is right where you left it. With advanced built in security protections you can count on and help when you need it. Spend with peace of mind today and order a Cash App card in the app or at Cash App card for.

[Host 1]

A limited time only new Cash App customers can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash. For real?

[Jamie]

Yeah. Just download Cash App, use our exclusive referral code, secure 10 in your profile. Send $5 to to a friend within 14 days and you will get $10 drop right into your account. Terms apply.

[Host 1]

That's money. That's Cash App.

[Jamie]

Cash App is a financial service platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners. Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton bank members. FDIC is in discounts provided by Cash App a Block Inc. Brand. Visit Cash App legal podcast for full disclosures. Oh, starting starting this podcast.

[Host 1]

You're so stressed out, Jame. Are you? You seem stressed out. Are you okay?

[Jamie]

Yeah. Well, you know, starting this podcast was stressful. You know, we have agendas, we have set up, we have filming. It's overwhelming and the to do list just kept growing. That's why having the right partner makes all the difference. And for millions of businesses, that partner is Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to companies like us here at ymh. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style. Its AI tools speed up content creation by writing product descriptions, headlines and even enhancing photos. And Shopify is your commerce expert for everything from inventory to shipping and returns. If you're ready to sell, you are ready for Shopify. Turn your big business idea into. With Shopify on your side, sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling [e-mail] not today, go to shopify.com not today, shopify.com. not today.

[Ralph]

I. I like to. I'm either, like, 100 in it, like, riding the nerves, and I'm just focused on what I'm gonna say, or I'm just not there mentally at all. Like, I'm just escaping. Like, I'm in my mind imagining that. Look, I imagine, like, specific scenarios, too. You ever see a movie? Rain Man?

[Host 1]

Of course.

[Ralph]

Do you remember they stop somewhere, like, they're, like, in the middle of nowhere, like, Ohio or something. And Ray wants to watch. Was, like, Wapner and Tom Cruise stops at. At, like, some lady's house, and they convinced the lady to, like, let him watch, and she's like, my husband's gonna be home later. Right. Like, she tried. Yeah. And then the next thing you know, they're watching TV with, like, this lady's kids in the middle of nowhere. And, like, there's been times where I'm so nervous to go on stage. I imagine that house, and I'm just like, I could. I could be that lady's husband in, like, some life. Like, I could just be in Ohio right now. Wow. And just work somewhere and, like. But I'm just afraid of going on stage. You know what I mean? Like, I just don't want to think about it.

[Host 1]

Totally.

[Jamie]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

So I just, like, imagine the scenario, but then I go on stage, and, like, the nerves help you. Like, you need to ride the nerves kind of, like, grinding.

[Host 1]

When you said, like, I should just be a. A truck driver with an imagination like that. You can't just be a truck driver. You got to be in. You got to be in this business to think that, like, obscure.

[Ralph]

Yeah, I. I know. I. I wouldn't actually do it, but it's nice to, like, escape. You know what I mean? Of course.

[Jamie]

Of course.

[Ralph]

Like, it's either that or I imagine, you know? You know, some people imagine they'll, like, kill everybody. Like, I'll come in here. I'll do it.

[Host 1]

Like, of course.

[Ralph]

So I, like. I gotta take myself.

[Jamie]

Never heard that one.

[Ralph]

Oh, maybe nothing.

[Host 1]

No, I definitely.

[Jamie]

Yeah, I've heard a picture of Naked, but don't. Not murdering everybody.

[Ralph]

Not murdering, but, like, you know, some people, they get really stressed and they feel like they're gonna snap one day and just go off on everybody.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

So it's like, I don't like to imagine violent things. I like to imagine, like, that I just leave, like, in a dramatic fashion.

[Jamie]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

Just like a fisherman on a boat or something.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

Beard grown out.

[Host 1]

Anytime I'm on a treadmill and There's a person comes next to me on the treadmill and they start talking on the phone. I literally think, like, somebody could come in here with a gun and shoot that person in the head. And I would just keep walking. I wouldn't even. I wouldn't even, like, watch their body, like, get dragged off by the treadmill and the blood and everything. I would just maybe turn around, say thank you, and just keep walking. Because I think it's the. I think it is in, like, the top three rudest things I've ever seen in my life. Because what if everyone was doing that? What would the gym be like?

[Ralph]

It'd be a mess if 100 people.

[Host 1]

In the tremor were like, yeah, no, I told them to sell, I don't know, like, whatever the, like, business talk they do. And they're like, yeah, I'm gonna touch base with him on Wednesday.

[Ralph]

Or like, don't they say that in Japan everybody's like. I mean, I've never been there, but they say that, like, everybody's really quiet, like in Tokyo, like in public. Like in public transportation and stuff. But I almost find that more annoying.

[Jamie]

Oh, see, the silence is uncomfortable.

[Ralph]

Yeah. Like, and then if you're loud for any reason, like, I don't want. I'm afraid to be the loud guy. You know what I mean?

[Jamie]

Right?

[Ralph]

Yeah, I think I'd prefer to live in a loud world where I can be the quiet guy.

[Host 1]

Wow.

[Ralph]

I don't know.

[Jamie]

Give me the name of your book one day.

[Ralph]

I do want to write a book.

[Host 1]

Guy in a Loud World.

[Jamie]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would like to write a self help book.

[Jamie]

Yeah, I like that.

[Ralph]

Where I convince people that they're not autistic. Can you.

[Jamie]

Can you give us one tidbit right now? One chapter?

[Ralph]

I didn't think you would. I don't think it'd go this far, but yeah, I. It was just a dumb. I thought it would sound funny.

[Host 1]

The older I get. Asked me, the older I get, the more convinced I am I'm autistic. So I would need your. I would need your book. Yeah.

[Ralph]

Okay. I think that I may. All right, maybe you are autistic, but maybe you're not autistic enough. Okay.

[Host 1]

Yeah, yeah. Like, I shouldn't let it dictate my who, like, with your voice, like it did that dictated who you became.

[Ralph]

I shouldn't let it dictate because it's almost like. It's almost like a newer version of like, you know, like a really white dude would claim that he's like, 1 16th Cherokee.

[Host 1]

Yeah, I am. Yeah, my grandma's Cherokee. I never say it because of that thing. You see, I never, I never even told her no, because I don't say it because then you're that guy.

[Ralph]

Autistic is Cherokee.

[Host 1]

But see, I, I, I, I don't mind saying I'm autistic cuz I feel like it, I feel like it frees me a little bit where the Cherokee thing just made me feel like a fraud.

[Ralph]

Okay, okay.

[Host 1]

You know the, the, the autistic thing of like when people are like, how come you can't, you know, especially if I'm dating a girl and she's like, how come you can't come to my friend's birthday? I'm like, I'm autistic.

[Ralph]

I'm autistic.

[Host 1]

Yeah, you know, quiet guy, loud world.

[Ralph]

I think if you're really autistic, though, you can't say I'm autistic. You got to be like, because it's lame.

[Jamie]

Right?

[Host 1]

I don't want to be like, I don't like your friends and sometimes I don't even like you. And she's like, oh, that's the autism. Yeah, that's right.

[Ralph]

I don't want to say words, woman.

[Host 1]

Yeah, but, but I do feel like I spend a large portion of my life refraining from what would be considered like, autistic actions.

[Ralph]

Yeah. Hey, but when people. Okay, so like, did you, did you start noticing things about yourself that made you think I might be autistic or did other people notice them at first? First.

[Host 1]

What happened? I mean, I think like my whole life I drank and did drugs to just like quiet everything. And then once I got sober, I.

[Ralph]

Started having a lot of realizations. About yourself.

[Host 1]

Yeah, but, but I, I would. See, it's like I notice certain things and then other things I don't notice unless I'm dating someone and she's like, why do you do this? And I'm like, I don't know. Doesn't everybody do that thing like, like wiping my feet before I get, get into bed? Or like. So like I wipe my feet together?

[Jamie]

Oh, but not with like a wipe.

[Host 1]

No, no, I like wipe my feet together. But like, if I wipe my feet together, get in bed and then I.

[Jamie]

Go grab something, does wiping your feet.

[Host 1]

Together, it gets off any crumbs or anything that might be on my feet.

[Jamie]

Or it doesn't crush them into each other and into the bottom of your feet?

[Host 1]

Well, then I'm gonna do that on the bed anyway. I hope maybe it Just some things drop off.

[Jamie]

But do you wipe. Like, do you not get into bed without doing that?

[Host 1]

Every. And like, a girl will say, like, you got into bed, like, forgot something, and then you did it again. And she's like, how much stuff do you think got on your feet? I'm like, I don't know.

[Ralph]

Now. Now you're making me realize I do that. But now I'm like, wait, do I do that every time?

[Jamie]

You got to start paying attention.

[Ralph]

Yeah, you're making me realize things I don't want. You're like mushrooms right now. I don't want to hyper, like. Or what do you call it? Like, over obsessed. Hyper. Hyper fix it.

[Host 1]

Yeah, but that's. And then another real problem I have is, like, I do. I was telling Jamie, Like, I go, like.

[Ralph]

I thought. Wait, I thought you did that for.

[Host 1]

No. And then, like, I'll be dating a girl. And she's like, what was that? I'm like, what was what? And she's like, that noise. I'm like, I don't know. And then 30 seconds later, I do it again. She's like, what is that? I'm like, what? And she's like, you're making this noise.

[Ralph]

You know, a problem I have is I can't. Like, I. Like, I start to try to. I try to stop my habits before I do them in front of a girl when we start dating because I don't want her to pay attention to any of my habits and, like, dissect me.

[Jamie]

So when do you start to let them come out?

[Ralph]

I'll usually just stop dating the girl. I need to go back to rubbing my feet.

[Host 1]

I think that's autism. I think. Yeah.

[Ralph]

So I asked you that because people were telling me that, like, all right, so I have a friend who's I. We pick on him and be like, dude, you're so autistic. Like, you're very. Like, why don't you notice it? Like, everybody notices, but he's not. But we were just, like, trying to get in his head, you know? And then. And then people. Like, I would watch podcast clips where people would, like, mention me. Like, other comics who were, like, on a show with me or something, and then they started saying I was autistic. And then it started with me because I was like, wait, what? Like, no, no, not me, him. But then they're like, nah, take your option.

[Hyman]

Yeah, a friend.

[Ralph]

Oh, Luis. We always tell him he's autistic.

[Hyman]

Oh, me too.

[Ralph]

Yeah, but you're all right, you know.

[Hyman]

You guys ever put popcorn with ketchup.

[Ralph]

All right.

[Host 1]

That's my.

[Hyman]

It's a thing. I don't know.

[Ralph]

Is that autism?

[Jamie]

How do you even eat that?

[Ralph]

That's just weird.

[Hyman]

Heiment.

[Jamie]

Like, how do you even.

[Host 1]

Like, keep applying? No.

[Jamie]

Like, do you dip a.

[Ralph]

One at a time, like a baby at the house?

[Hyman]

Yeah. Like, again, like a little side. And just put ketchup and then just dip.

[Jamie]

But like, one. One kernel at a time, because you can't. Whoa.

[Hyman]

I mean, for real. That's. It's a thing.

[Host 1]

That's something. All right. I don't know if it's.

[Jamie]

I'm not gonna knock it. I love ketchup, but I don't think I'd put it on.

[Host 1]

How do you find out that that's your thing?

[Jamie]

Yeah.

[Hyman]

As a. I mean, as kids, it was a bunch of us at the house, and we just made snacks up.

[Ralph]

I do remember you eating, like, ketchup and crackers.

[Hyman]

Yeah, Ketchup and crackers.

[Ralph]

But you know what I think it is, too, is I think ketchup can, like, smooth out the saltiness of a snack.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

Yeah. I mean, like, fries and ketchup, so I could see that.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Hyman]

Go try it.

[Ralph]

No, I'm good.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

Do you do ketchup on eggs?

[Hyman]

Yes.

[Jamie]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

He does a lot of ketchup on eggs. He does ketchup on everything.

[Host 1]

If he does ketchup on popcorn, he's pretty much just ketchup through pasta.

[Hyman]

No.

[Host 1]

Pizza. I. I've seen, like, the very rare person who dunks their pizza in ketchup. I think it's the most disgusting thing in the world.

[Jamie]

Yeah. That's nasty.

[Ralph]

How do you guys feel about. Wait, do you. Wait, do you do it?

[Hyman]

Well, ketchup and ketchup.

[Ralph]

Yeah.

[Hyman]

No, that's good.

[Host 1]

Have you ever tried that?

[Hyman]

I'm going to try it now.

[Host 1]

Don't. Don't. Because what if you get hooked?

[Ralph]

How do you guys feel about pizza and ranch?

[Jamie]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[Ralph]

You like that?

[Jamie]

Yeah, I feel like that's common.

[Host 1]

I was. I was, like, 25 years old, and I was dating a girl, and we went back and this is. Growing up in New York City, I saw people eat pizza a million times. I don't know how I never came across it. She ordered pizza, she got us, like, four slices, and she was like. And can I get a side of ranch? I never looked at her the same ever. Like, I saw her and I was like that. It makes me, like. Yeah, but I'm not making out with, you know. I mean, I don't have to, like, like, I was like, you eat. And I think she got like, black olives on the pizza and put like, ranch on. And I'm like, it's so disgusting. And I was sitting there watching her eat it, knowing it was like I was watching her, and I was like, this is the last time you think.

[Ralph]

You could have forgave her making out with, like, another dude in front of you instead of that?

[Host 1]

It depends if I was, like, drunk and she was drunk. Yeah, definitely.

[Hyman]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Yeah. Rather than, like. So if she was sober doing that. Nah, that's. Then I can't. But if she was drunk, I'd be like, oh, we're all partying. What are you gonna do? We're like, like ranch on pizza. You're just completely disguising what the. The thing is. Like, you don't even taste the thing anymore.

[Jamie]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

They're not appreciating the pizza for what it is.

[Host 1]

Yeah, that sucks. Destroy that. And that really affected my autism. I just. I didn't enjoy my pizza cuz I was watching her and I was like, I don't think she's enjoying her pizza properly.

[Ralph]

That's. Yeah, you got to do. Do you. How, like, how I say it? Do you ever judge somebody based off of like, all right, like, maybe they claim to be like a. Like a pizza purist or any other food purist, but then you hear the places they like to go, and you're just like, what the idiot?

[Host 1]

I do it.

[Jamie]

Does it with me all the time.

[Host 1]

Yeah. But also, I got in, like, the most mad. One of the most mad people ever were at me on this podcast was I said, like, I wish cameras would follow people in New York who go to, like, the horrible pizza places. Like, and by that I mean, like, in the back of a deli, there's some places where there's just like, a pie that's sitting there and there's like three slices left. And you're like, who took those other five? So, like, who decided not to go to, like, John's or one of these great pizza spots and go to a fucking deli? And I would love to follow them home and see what their life is like at home. Because I know they're a mess. And people were like, you're rich.

[Ralph]

You don't.

[Host 1]

I'm like a slice of pizza. It's like $4 everywhere in New York City. It has nothing to do with money.

[Ralph]

I know what they're doing. They're going home and they're putting ketchup on popcorn.

[Jamie]

That's right.

[Host 1]

Ketchup on pizza. When I would see people come out of, like, a New York City deli where you're supposed to get, like, a chopped cheese, but they would have a slice of pizza, I'd be like, all I want to do is follow you home.

[Ralph]

Martha listens to her favorite band all the time. In the car, gym, even sleeping. So when they finally went on tour, Martha bundled her flight and hotel on Expedia to see them live. She saved so much, she got her seat close enough to actually see and hear them. Zordon, you were made to scream from the front row. We were made to quietly save you more. Expedia made to. Travel savings vary and subject to availability. Flight inclusive packages are at all protected. You said John's. That's a good piece of place.

[Host 1]

John's. Yeah, but now. I mean, really good.

[Ralph]

Don't switch up now, bro.

[Host 1]

Lucali is. Well, John's is just like the famous one that everybody knows.

[Ralph]

Scared. Now people know you're real.

[Host 1]

Lucali. Lucali. I think Lucali is the best. But John's is known for.

[Jamie]

Do you need his Sharpie? I don't know if that pen's gonna work.

[Host 1]

You want me to just text it to you?

[Jamie]

Write it on a piece of paper?

[Hyman]

But the tourists, they go to Joe's, right?

[Host 1]

Joe's. Yeah, Joe's is. Joe's is good when you just want to grab a slice and keep it.

[Ralph]

I didn't spell this right, did I?

[Host 1]

Yeah, perfect.

[Ralph]

Oh, yeah.

[Host 1]

Wow. That's good. Yeah. Lucali. Yeah. Go to Lukali. Incredible, incredible pizza. Yeah.

[Hyman]

Ralph, he. He puts me in charge to get food sometimes. And, like, it's very difficult, pressure.

[Jamie]

Is he picky? Are you picky?

[Hyman]

It's because. I don't know if they're. Because there's a bunch of us, and I don't know if it's like, do you guys want some modifications on these burgers?

[Ralph]

Stop.

[Hyman]

But he's not.

[Ralph]

I'm.

[Hyman]

He's like.

[Jamie]

You just want to see what he comes back with? How do you take a burger?

[Ralph]

Just, like a burger, just with everything on it.

[Hyman]

Not my chicken.

[Jamie]

You like the lettuce and the tomato and the.

[Ralph]

Yeah, and if not, then I'll just take it off later. Yeah, but the thing is that he does this thing where I'm like. Like, you know, we have. We haven't slept much. We. Maybe we got into town. We just landed, showered, went straight to the show, did the shows, did the little meet and greet. Now we're, like, starving everybody. Nobody's eating since our last, you know, whatever time zone. And so I'm like, order a bunch of food. Just order anything. Just order whatever. And then he's like, well, what do you want? And I'm like, jaime, whatever's open. Whatever's around here, Whatever's delivering with.

[Hyman]

Cuz that's like the.

[Ralph]

I don't even like Taco Bell. I'm like, good. Taco Bell, McDonald's, whatever. And then he's like, what do you want, though? And I'm like, I mean, anything.

[Hyman]

Like, anything people say that's like. Like, that's autistic.

[Jamie]

On who? On who's part? On your part.

[Hyman]

It's like, what do you want? I can't just get everything. What do you want?

[Jamie]

Like, because have you ever. Have you ever brought back food? And they were all like, this is terrible. So now you're scared?

[Ralph]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Hyman]

He chickens.

[Ralph]

The other day, he ordered McChickens with American cheese on them.

[Hyman]

The guy asked for that? No, no, our friend, he texted. Our friend, he texted 12 mad chickens with cheese on it and extra mayo and lettuce.

[Ralph]

Look, man, not to pull the card, but it's like, who pays the bills?

[Hyman]

We do.

[Ralph]

So why are you listening to that guy?

[Hyman]

Because that's what he texted me.

[Jamie]

He got some direction finally.

[Host 1]

That's it. He's looking for direction. You won't give it to him. Like, just do it. Somebody finally gave him direction.

[Ralph]

No, no.

[Jamie]

Now he's afra. Order food.

[Ralph]

Stop defending him, because this is. This was like, a week ago. Sure, but he should know by now, like, we've. In every city.

[Hyman]

You want extra mayo?

[Ralph]

No.

[Host 1]

You're putting a guy who dips every single kernel of popcorn into ketchup in charge of food.

[Jamie]

This is your fault.

[Ralph]

Just make chickens, McDoubles, fries, nuggets. Like, just a bunch of that. Just a bunch of that.

[Jamie]

You know what you need to do one day? You just need to give him, like, this is the pizza order. This is the burger order. This is the whatever.

[Host 1]

He just did it.

[Jamie]

I. Oh, are you paying attention?

[Hyman]

And then.

[Ralph]

And then. And then It'll be like, 30 minutes later. I'm like, hey, did you order food? And he's like, why? Because I don't know what you guys wanted.

[Jamie]

Oh, no.

[Hyman]

And then.

[Ralph]

And then he's, like, asking people specifically what they want. And then I start to, like, in front of everybody, turn into, like, an. Because I'm like, stop asking these people what they want. They're getting free food. If they don't want it. They can order their own shit. Like, stop.

[Jamie]

Who are all these people?

[Hyman]

Our friends.

[Ralph]

Like, like our photographer. And like Abraham, he's like my right hand man. And then like my buddy Luis will be on the road with us. He. He's just on the road with us.

[Jamie]

Is. You're like your own Entourage show. I love it.

[Ralph]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

You guys should be filming this.

[Ralph]

We do. Sometimes it's fun, but sometimes it's so stressful.

[Host 1]

I think the food, the food shit would be when the camera should definitely go.

[Jamie]

Yes. I think that I want to watch it.

[Host 1]

I find it so entertaining. I could talk about food in any fashion all day.

[Ralph]

One time, Hyman didn't give us any problems, any quarrels. We were in Chicago. He ordered like, what, two boxes of White Castle. Oh. And he's like, do I order this?

[Hyman]

You'll feel bad.

[Ralph]

And I just yelled. I'm like, order the food. And he just ordered it. And. And then nobody ate. Nobody ate. Nobody touched the food. We all just left him alone with the food.

[Hyman]

Cuz we came from the club. They were drunk.

[Ralph]

Yeah.

[Hyman]

And they, you know, they put me in charge. And then, you know, and they're like, order White Castle. I'm like, okay. And I go downstairs to get the food. It's like two crave cases.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Hyman]

60 sliders. And I go up. Yeah, 30 and 30. And I go back up. And everybody's gone with. You know, everybody left my room. And I'm calling this guy, I'm calling Abraham. They're like, nobody's picking up. My God, this is like 150. Should have gone to waste.

[Host 1]

So do you start eating the sliders one at a time?

[Hyman]

Yeah, I just felt bad. So I was like, I ate two of. It's a joke. I. I'm trying to write it out. And the Uber driver's like, you have good friends, right? I was like, yeah, I have good friends. But yeah, they left me with the White Castle. That's why I don't want to order food. Because, you know, for our health.

[Ralph]

You know, for our health.

[Host 1]

Sounds like you're going to the wrong spots if you're worried about your health.

[Hyman]

Well, I'm gonna tell him, like, hey, just stop eating after 10pm Just starve to the morning.

[Jamie]

Well, but that's hard if your hours are later, right?

[Ralph]

But yeah, I also tell him, like, you worry about your health. Order food for me. I'm good. I'm gonna live forever.

[Host 1]

Yeah, yeah, that's.

[Ralph]

I'll be fine.

[Hyman]

But yeah, I don't know why he.

[Host 1]

Puts me does it bother you when he tries to give you health advice?

[Ralph]

No, he doesn't. What bothers me is when, like, and this is me being like a toxic friend. What bothers me is when like, I'm just, I really need to, like, hang out with this dude. Like, I really need somebody to just hang out with me. Grab a bite. So in my mind I started imagining like, ah, yeah, I'm gonna meet up hymn in this city. Haven't seen him like in a week. And I'm just assuming that he's gonna want to go eat like what I want to eat, like, like here in Austin. I like that place. Tumble. Was it tumble 22? Ever been there? It's like fried chicken. It's really good. Fries are good. Chicken's really good. So in my mind I'm like, oh, yeah, me and him are going to grab some tumble 22, you know, and like, I don't tell him that, that I'm looking forward to that. And then I'll tell him. And he's like, no, I'm. I'm fasting right now. And I'm like, man. And so I just start like, criticizing the. I'm like, fashion doesn't work like you do. I'm like, why don't you fast when we're eating Taco Bell at 2am like now all of a sudden, you know, like. So I, I just like, try to get him off the diet.

[Hyman]

Stopped eating Taco Bell. So.

[Ralph]

But then I'll be healthy and then I'll be like, you shouldn't eat like that. That's right.

[Host 1]

Well, he showed up today with two tennis rackets, which is good. He said he's walking through the airport with two tennis rackets and people ask him about tennis. He's like, I don't know anything about tennis.

[Ralph]

I guarantee you he's doing it for more of the.

[Jamie]

Do you have a bag for the rackets? Are you literally holding two rackets?

[Hyman]

No, it's just, it's a backpack. But it was for a laptop.

[Jamie]

Got it.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

Hyman needs the records to stick out so that people can be like, oh, what's that?

[Jamie]

This great conversation starter. I don't blame you.

[Hyman]

But then I have these headphones.

[Jamie]

Oh, wow. You really.

[Hyman]

Not these. But I have something like, so they won't talk to me. But then, I don't know if I told you, but on the plane right over here from la, that's where I was at la. And I know him. And you know, it gets lonely out there. Yeah. Because they're not out there, and I stress eat.

[Host 1]

So you know what's gonna happen? You're gonna have to get your own Jaime, who you want to go eat with you. And then when you want me with you, he's gonna say, no, I'm fasting.

[Jamie]

Yeah, there's a lot of codependency happening right now.

[Hyman]

I need someone to yell that.

[Host 1]

Yeah, you need someone to take your stress out on and call them autistic.

[Ralph]

I haven't yelled at you in, like. Like a year.

[Host 1]

Oh, that's a long time.

[Hyman]

Chicago.

[Ralph]

In Chicago. When's the last time we're in Chicago?

[Hyman]

The. The place where I was trying to. You said, find a diner in downtown. I was like, where?

[Ralph]

All right, okay. Yeah, I said downtown.

[Jamie]

Yeah, I have.

[Hyman]

I don't know my mind.

[Ralph]

You didn't say where. You said, where is downtown?

[Hyman]

No, I said, what is that downtown?

[Ralph]

No, you said, where is downtown?

[Hyman]

You know what I mean?

[Ralph]

Right? What does that have to do is. Just Google.

[Hyman]

You know what I mean?

[Ralph]

What about that time you took us to a gay bar?

[Hyman]

Okay, I was gonna find that. That was an accident. It was a gay diner.

[Jamie]

A gay diner? Where I want to go.

[Hyman]

It was in Massachusetts.

[Ralph]

No, no, no, no.

[Hyman]

Wisconsin.

[Ralph]

All diners are Minnesota. Minnesota.

[Hyman]

Minnesota. It was a diner. It was open late, but it turned out to be a gay diner.

[Jamie]

Tell me what's. What was gay about?

[Host 1]

It was the first sign. No, that's my question, too.

[Ralph]

They were frisking us. Like, oh, what is that? Is that the word? When they check. Check for weapons.

[Host 1]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jamie]

At the diner.

[Ralph]

That was the first sign, that regular diner.

[Hyman]

It was.

[Ralph]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

So they got you up, Up.

[Jamie]

Did you comply? Were you like, okay?

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

I was like, all right, this is weird. Just want hash browns, you know?

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

And then we walked in, like, we.

[Host 1]

Know what you want. Shut up.

[Jamie]

Spread them.

[Ralph]

Yeah, we walked in and, like, there. There's, like, you know, like, a lot of, like, bright colors.

[Hyman]

It was gay.

[Ralph]

It wasn't too weird at first. It was just little. It was just weird at first. We're like, this is a weird. This is a weird diner. But, you know, I saw a guy with.

[Hyman]

What's that? With the. The butt cheeks. Chaps, chaps. I saw a guy like that.

[Ralph]

Yeah, that's. That's when we started being like, all.

[Hyman]

Right, this is not what it.

[Ralph]

And you know what? That's not. There was maybe, like, six of us.

[Jamie]

Awesome.

[Host 1]

Now there's an autograph picture of you up on the wall in there.

[Hyman]

That's not.

[Ralph]

You know what. And we Left. But that's not even why we left. We did try. We got, like, seated and stuff. They just never came and took our order. They were busy. It was a busy night.

[Hyman]

But was everyone. We went upstairs for some reason.

[Host 1]

Were the waiters chaps like, the waiters?

[Hyman]

It was a guy. Just was a white guy with ashless chaps.

[Ralph]

It was professional.

[Jamie]

The guy that sat you had the assless chaps?

[Hyman]

No, I think something was going on in the top bar.

[Ralph]

They took us upstairs and they sat us down where nobody else was sitting.

[Hyman]

Some guys were staring at us.

[Host 1]

They're like, these guys are way too hetero, right?

[Hyman]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

Way too straight table.

[Hyman]

Yeah. We had suitcases with us, so, yeah, we did.

[Host 1]

Look, we probably thought you were coming in to kill, to go on some kind of gay murdering rain or, you.

[Ralph]

Know, I should have just ate the gay food. Because we went to a Mexican restaurant. Like, we left because we weren't getting any service, so we went to a Mexican restaurant down the street, and I got food poisoning, and I had to stay, like, an extra two days. And these guys all left.

[Hyman]

Oh, yeah.

[Ralph]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Wow. You guys have a lot of food struggles.

[Ralph]

Yeah, it's hard being me.

[Jamie]

We need you. A mushroom trip around food.

[Host 1]

How did they not serve you? Like, you're sitting there and they just ignore you.

[Ralph]

Never came and took a order. Nothing.

[Hyman]

They're busy.

[Jamie]

They were just observing.

[Ralph]

Maybe.

[Hyman]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

But I learned a hard lesson that day, you know?

[Hyman]

Eat.

[Ralph]

Never shrimp. Never trust Mexicans from the north.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

Mexican food that far north, no good.

[Hyman]

What did you eat? The shrimp, Right?

[Ralph]

I had a. You know what? I think it was the chicharones. Just, like, pork. Pork rinds. Yeah, I can't eat that no more because every time I think about it, I'm like, yeah, yeah.

[Host 1]

A lot of people have that with alcohol. Like, oh, I can't drink tequila, because it reminds me of that one.

[Ralph]

Yeah. You know what, though? We should have known better, because when we sat down at that Mexican restaurant, they were like, our kitchen's only open for, like, 20 more minutes. So, like, yeah, that should have been my sign. Like, you know what? Don't order six people's worth of food when they're already trying to go.

[Jamie]

They're closing shop. Yeah, you're getting the shit that's been sitting out for a while. Yeah.

[Host 1]

I remember Gordon, when Gordon Ramsay first started doing, like, his show where he would go into restaurants and, like, talk about how dirty they were and how bad they were, he went into a Mexican place and he went in the Back and he came out with like 10 gallon buckets of rice. And he just came out like with like beans and rice. He just kept bringing them out and coming back and bringing them out and coming back. And he's like screaming to the people, look what you're eating. Get out. And everybody. Like there were people who were like, like.

[Hyman]

Yeah, I think that was real.

[Host 1]

Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

[Hyman]

It's like, like John. John Taffer.

[Host 1]

Yeah. Yeah, it's exactly. Yeah. But I think. I think Gordon might have been doing it first, but maybe not.

[Ralph]

But.

[Host 1]

Yeah, but my. My friend in New York used to work in a Subway, like Subway sandwiches, and he said that they would jerk off in the tuna.

[Ralph]

Oh. Oh my.

[Hyman]

You don't like that, Jamie?

[Jamie]

No.

[Host 1]

Yeah, I didn't like it either. I used to.

[Hyman]

You eat some way. Yeah, he loves somewhere.

[Ralph]

We ate Subway on the way here.

[Host 1]

Yeah, we did. I. I support. I support. I. I used to eat until that. I was a big. I was a big Subway guy. And then I was off.

[Ralph]

I don't order the tuna, but Abraham did.

[Hyman]

He's watching.

[Jamie]

Abraham.

[Host 1]

What about. What about the mc. You know, the McDonald's one.

[Ralph]

No babies. God, no.

[Host 1]

Oh, wait, the babies.

[Jamie]

The baby.

[Ralph]

What do you mean? Am I eating babies?

[Hyman]

No, no. What are you talking about?

[Host 1]

Well, I want to hear yours first. The babies.

[Hyman]

Well, just. Sorry, Jamie, I don't know if this makes you uncomfortable, but a guy, he so polite. He finished on the mayo on the.

[Host 1]

Mid chickens the way you described. That was the babies.

[Hyman]

The babies, the sperm.

[Ralph]

Yeah.

[Hyman]

The lady sandwiches.

[Host 1]

Yeah. No. So there was one where somebody was going through a drive through and they said they wanted the crispy chicken sandwich, no mayo. And then when they ate it, there was mayo. And they went back around and they told them, no, they didn't put mayo. And it turned out the chicken had a tumor and it was pus. Like they bit into the tumor. And that was. But. But again, that could be like an urban legend. Like it never really happened. But that's what I heard. And that. That's when I stopped eating McDonald's too.

[Hyman]

How long ago was that?

[Host 1]

Fifteen years ago, maybe even more.

[Hyman]

Oh, man, you're missing out.

[Host 1]

No, that's not. If you're ordering. Not the way you order, bro.

[Hyman]

You got the snack wraps.

[Ralph]

I don't want to eat ever again, bro.

[Host 1]

I mean, listen, you're at gay diners and Mexican food poisoning. I didn't think it could make it much worse by giving my stories, you know?

[Hyman]

Oh, man.

[Host 1]

What do you guys. Well, what about. For You. Dude, like, now that you're coming up in comedy and everything, do comics ever try and give you advice?

[Hyman]

Oh, yeah, I. That or I usually ask for advice.

[Host 1]

What's the best advice you've gotten?

[Hyman]

Don't go up there trying to be funny and just. Just go up there and talk.

[Ralph]

Who the hell said that?

[Hyman]

You did, man. No, I. A couple months ago.

[Ralph]

You don't listen to anything I say. Yeah, dude, that's not what I. Well, the job is to be funny, Jaime. Why would I say don't be funny?

[Hyman]

No, like, don't try to be funny, like, right at the script.

[Ralph]

Okay. Like, don't. Don't read the jokes. Just say the jokes.

[Hyman]

Just say it naturally. That's a good tip right there.

[Jamie]

That's a good advice.

[Host 1]

And that helped you?

[Hyman]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

What's the worst advice? Somebody.

[Ralph]

I don't even think you listen to my advice, bro.

[Hyman]

Yeah, I listen to your advice. You told me to stop listening to other people.

[Host 1]

Who do you say stop listening to?

[Hyman]

He said, just listen to me. I'm the one who pays the bills now.

[Host 1]

That's your tagline, huh? Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Like Urkel had. Did I do that? Like, you're just like, who pays the bills? Like, in your house every time.

[Hyman]

No, man. He's so funny, Ralph. Cuz I'll text him, like, randomly, like. Like some random news that doesn't have nothing to do with him, and he'll text me back. Can I say it? It's cuz I. I'll text him, hey, I just had a good poke or good matcha. And he's like, the. That gotta do with me.

[Ralph]

So I like telling him that even when it does got something to do with me.

[Jamie]

Yeah, that's another good tagline.

[Ralph]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

One of them is I got my own problems. That's. That's. Yeah, I think that's a Sopranos thing, even.

[Ralph]

Maybe. But the thing is, like, man, sometimes you don't want to hear it. Like, sometimes they're texting me, like, information about, like, hey, this is our flight for tomorrow and this is our hotel and stuff. And I was just like, the. That gotta do with me. Like, yeah, I'm not gonna check in, you chicken.

[Host 1]

Or I could also picture you having a bad day, and then you look at your phone and he's like, I just had a good matcha. Oh, yeah, you.

[Ralph]

Wait, man. Matcha?

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

You like matcha?

[Hyman]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

You?

[Jamie]

No.

[Hyman]

Oh.

[Ralph]

I think you're the first woman I've ever met that doesn't like much.

[Jamie]

It Tastes like grass.

[Ralph]

I. I agree. Unless it has a lot of sugar.

[Jamie]

Correct.

[Hyman]

But then that when you add sugar, like, it takes away the matcha.

[Host 1]

The effects of the matcha, it doesn't.

[Jamie]

Make it taste like grass.

[Hyman]

Yeah, well, they said it has health benefits.

[Jamie]

Of course it does.

[Hyman]

But when you add sugar, it doesn't. It's just.

[Jamie]

Yeah. You know what ketchup mainly is.

[Hyman]

Tomato, sugar, paste.

[Jamie]

Oh, sugar and ketchup.

[Ralph]

Hey, I'll tell you what it's good about matcha, though. It was something we learned from our friends. For all you men out there, if you want to hear some toxic tips to get that your crush's attention.

[Jamie]

Toxic tips.

[Ralph]

You post a picture, you. You add your crush to your close friends, or a few girls, if you want, just to see whose attention you get to your close friends. List on Instagram. And then you post a story of just your matcha. If you and your boy go get matcha, then you post the two matches together, but nobody's hands. Just mystery is mysterious. My friends do it. And girls talk to them all the time now.

[Hyman]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Oh, because they. They think that they're, like, wanted now.

[Ralph]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

Like, oh, who is he having a matcha with?

[Ralph]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And there's probably the little design on top of the match.

[Ralph]

Yeah, they do it with lattes, too, and stuff.

[Host 1]

Girls love that shit. Yeah.

[Jamie]

Good. Toxic tip.

[Ralph]

Toxic.

[Host 1]

This is the problem, right? People, like, sometimes you see people looking stupid to look good on social media, right? So, like, now is, like, now you're leaving there with two matchas and you're one guy.

[Ralph]

Nah, nah. You'll be all right. Yeah, you gotta just do your macho. If this is you, just one matcha. But maybe if it was me and Jaime and we got a matcha, then we gotta put it together, right?

[Host 1]

Because when I was just in New York, like, when you walk, when you're walking across the street, you'll see girls will, like, run into the middle of the street, and their friend will take a picture of them in the middle of the street, like, doing stupid. And then after they do the stupid, they're so ashamed.

[Hyman]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Like, they're so embarrassed. And they, like, put their head down, and they don't want to make eye contact with anybody because they know that they're acting like an. But they care more about looking cool on social media than real life.

[Ralph]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Like, they're like, I don't care that all these people, hundreds of people are staring at me thinking I'm an. And like, this car is beeping at me because People on the Internet are gonna give me a thumbs up.

[Ralph]

I don't know. I give them a thumbs up in real life, too. We were in.

[Hyman]

I was gonna say something too, but.

[Ralph]

No, go ahead.

[Hyman]

And we're in Fort Worth this past weekend. It was raining.

[Ralph]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Hyman]

And, you know, I got the car and it's like a whole street of, like, bars. And this is raining hard. And there's two girls, like, recording, and the girls just, like, walking like this, like, getting the rain in for a tick tock, I assume. And I'm like, why is she doing that, dude?

[Ralph]

For the tick tock.

[Hyman]

But it's raining.

[Host 1]

He's an idiot.

[Ralph]

It's entertainment, bro. I. I just.

[Jamie]

Because you guys, it's gonna make her seem, what, like a free spirit?

[Ralph]

Yeah, Like a Good for her.

[Jamie]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

No, I'm with Jaime here, dude.

[Ralph]

I'm on this one.

[Hyman]

Yeah, you were calling me. You were like, hey, where you at?

[Ralph]

I'm like, I didn't call you. This girl's making. I don't care what you did that night.

[Hyman]

I went to the club.

[Ralph]

Yeah, I know you went to the club, right?

[Hyman]

I was trying to find parking, but that girl was doing tick tocks.

[Ralph]

I told you to leave the car behind.

[Hyman]

Oh, yeah, you did. See, that's mine. You know, listen, my mind works because then we're gonna leave the club. And they're like, oh.

[Ralph]

I think sometimes you look at a situation and you're like, how could I make it?

[Host 1]

Do you ever do things on purpose to piss him off?

[Hyman]

I don't do it intentionally for sure.

[Jamie]

Never.

[Ralph]

He has to.

[Hyman]

I don't think I do.

[Ralph]

There's no way. There's not on an agenda.

[Host 1]

I play poker a lot. I think you're lying. Yeah, I think you're lying, but I.

[Hyman]

Don'T realize it until he's like, that thing. You do that to piss me off.

[Ralph]

Now, the thing in Chicago, I said, where's? I said, look up breakfast in downtown. And he said, where's downtown?

[Hyman]

I said, that was in there.

[Ralph]

No, that was to piss me off. That was like.

[Host 1]

Have you ever gotten to the point where Ralph said something and you're like, ralph?

[Ralph]

Yeah.

[Hyman]

Oh, yeah.

[Ralph]

But he.

[Hyman]

He doesn't, like, get scared. He just laughs.

[Ralph]

He. Yeah, he likes it. He's tried to start, like, a mutiny, or is that what they call it?

[Host 1]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ralph]

He gets up and yell. He gets, like, mad and yells, and he's like, what the. Why don't y' all say nothing back to him? It's like he's just one guy, but it's just so funny to see him at that. We all just started laughing.

[Hyman]

I'm a nice guy until they piss me off.

[Jamie]

Jaime. Yes?

[Host 1]

What's the maddest you've ever gotten on the road?

[Hyman]

On the road?

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Hyman]

I don't know.

[Host 1]

Or. Or at home, too. What's the. If you think of the most mad you ever got at Ralph, what was. What comes to mind? Yeah, shoot.

[Hyman]

I don't know. I haven't got mad at you before, right?

[Ralph]

Yeah, no, you've gotten mad.

[Hyman]

Maybe that one time we. I didn't get mad at you. You got mad at me when we stopped talking. Oh, yeah.

[Ralph]

We got pretty mad at each other.

[Hyman]

Oh, I didn't get mad. I was like, what the hell?

[Ralph]

You weren't mad?

[Hyman]

Yeah, I was mad after a while.

[Ralph]

Yeah, whatever. One time I threw a recorder at his. Like, you play those in school? Yeah, yeah.

[Host 1]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Ralph]

You guys want to know how poor Jaime was?

[Host 1]

Cheap.

[Hyman]

It was a fake.

[Ralph]

It wasn't like poor. It was just, you know, it was plastic. But they sold us $5 recorders at school. It's not really like a poor thing. It was more like a misplanning thing. Like, they sold us $5 recorders at school. It was like $10, I think. And then $5 for extra parts and they, like, come apart. You know what I mean?

[Hyman]

I lost it.

[Ralph]

Oh, I thought your mom just didn't want to buy you that one.

[Hyman]

No, I bought it, but then I lost it.

[Ralph]

But that one. That one comes apart. So you can, like, mix and match the colors and stuff.

[Jamie]

Oh.

[Ralph]

But so then his mom didn't want to buy him that one again because he lost it. So he. She. She bought him one from the dollar store. And it's just one piece of, like, hard plastic. Yeah. And the music sounds horrible coming out of it.

[Host 1]

The white and red one?

[Ralph]

No, it's just like orange. Everyone was orange.

[Jamie]

Sounds horrible coming out of any recorder.

[Host 1]

Yeah, it was a low quality.

[Ralph]

It was bad. Yeah. There's one piece of art, plastic. And one time we got into a fight after school, and he dropped me. He dropped me on the ground and he dropped his recorder. So, like, as I'm getting up, I just grab it and I just chunk it at his head. And it, like, broke to the. And I remember just not even being angry at him anymore. I was just like, oh, my God. Like. Like it hurt. He just kept walking, like. Yeah, but he was holding in his teeth.

[Hyman]

It's because I had a project of like clay and Legos.

[Ralph]

Yeah.

[Hyman]

We had to bridge. Bridge to Terabithia, Bridgetia.

[Jamie]

And then you were carrying it.

[Hyman]

Yeah, because I won.

[Jamie]

And it broke.

[Hyman]

You didn't win because he's like, let me win.

[Ralph]

You didn't win. There was no contest.

[Jamie]

He went in his m. In his heart.

[Hyman]

I won.

[Ralph]

There was a. There was not a competition. There was.

[Hyman]

Okay.

[Ralph]

But we just had to bring it to school and.

[Hyman]

But he wanted the Legos on top of it.

[Ralph]

It looked. They look nice, and I was really jealous.

[Jamie]

You guys known each other since fourth grade. Fourth grade.

[Ralph]

What if I was like this?

[Jamie]

You're always like, this is last year.

[Host 1]

See, I think Jaime, he come off like a nice guy. You might be more manipulative than.

[Ralph]

Oh, he is.

[Host 1]

Yeah. Because I asked him, what's the maddest you've. I said, what's the maddest you've ever been? And you flipped it to a story when he was mad at you.

[Hyman]

Because I. I can't think of a time when I was mad.

[Host 1]

But that's what I'm saying. You're trying to be like, I'm such a nice guy that I could only think of times he was mad at me. That's. That's manipulative.

[Ralph]

Hey, you know. You know, it's the time. I'll tell you a time. It was mad.

[Hyman]

On the road.

[Ralph]

Yeah. In Houston. Like. Like over a year ago now.

[Hyman]

Two years.

[Ralph]

There's like, two years ago.

[Jamie]

Two years and 47 days ago.

[Ralph]

How does he know exactly what I'm talking about?

[Hyman]

You talk about the club?

[Ralph]

Yeah. My girl. Is that your girl?

[Hyman]

This is why I don't drink.

[Ralph]

Jaime met two pretty women.

[Host 1]

Wow.

[Ralph]

In Houston. I don't know how he met him. It's a lot going on. There was shows back to Back to back. I don't know. I don't know when he's talking to these women. And after the show one night, this club owner takes us to a club in Houston, and he gets us, like, this whole section and stuff, and there's these two. Like, the section is built like a. Like a U, you know?

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

So, like, I'm on this side, and then Jaime is like. Like, where you're at? And the two girls are, like, right there. And one of the girls starts telling me something, so I'm, like, trying to lean in, but she's kind of far. So I just go over there. Oh, sorry. So, yeah, so I just end up over there. And, like, as I'm listening to what she's trying to tell Me. Jaime is already, like, tapping me. Like, yo, move.

[Host 1]

Like, I got this.

[Ralph]

Yeah. So then I'm like. Like, she's just talking to me. But then I started, like, out of wanting to piss him off more, I started talking to the girl more, and then they. I didn't know, but it turns out they were both that, like, dancers as their profession, so they started, like, dancing.

[Hyman]

I didn't know that either.

[Ralph]

Yeah. And, like, people were recording us, and, like, these girls wanted to show up for the camera, I guess, because they both started, like, twerking on me. And so I was just like, oh, like, look at this, everybody. Like, I'm party guy. Right? And Jaime is, like, refusing to, like, accept that this girl's dancing on me. Like, I miss, like, holding her hand, like, in front of her and then, like, trying to, like, hold her hips from the front. Like, he doesn't know what to do, but he's. She's.

[Hyman]

He's laughing, holding her hips from the front.

[Ralph]

He's just, like, the most supportive. He's like, you're doing great, babe.

[Host 1]

Ralph loves that. Yeah.

[Hyman]

There's a video out there for that.

[Ralph]

There's a video somewhere that should have.

[Host 1]

Been, like, the photo for your guys podcast.

[Ralph]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Are you getting. You getting two girls twerking on you? And him just, like, like, with his.

[Jamie]

Shoulder, holding her hand while she's doing it.

[Ralph]

And so he's, like, pissed. So the next day at the comedy club, he's, like, kind of moody, and, you know, we're all, like, kind of talking about it, us and the other guys. And I just started going off on hymen that day. Then I got mad because I'm like, how you gonna get mad? Like, a week ago, we were in Vegas and you had people dancing on you, and. And I paid for everything. I. You had no problems there. You know what I mean?

[Hyman]

Like, okay, okay.

[Ralph]

I'm like, this is your tour. Is my tour. God damn it.

[Host 1]

After that whole story, he just said, oh, now I remember.

[Hyman]

Yeah, now I remember. After all this seven minute story, I was really mad. I was just like.

[Jamie]

Like hurt.

[Hyman]

Can a guy catch a break?

[Ralph]

But that's what I'm saying. Like, the guy.

[Host 1]

She felt that. That you're an empath. She felt that before he even said it.

[Ralph]

That's why I got so mad the next day, though, because he. He wants to come at. Oh, can I just catch a break? Like, a week ago, we were in Vegas. This man was reaping all the benefits. I didn't stop him. It was his birthday The. I. I think I threw him a really good Vegas night. Did I hear, like, a thank you or nothing? Hell, no.

[Host 1]

Not even a thank you.

[Hyman]

We can't say on Padre.

[Ralph]

Yeah, the voice saying, you can't say thank you.

[Hyman]

Oh, no. Thank you. But the story.

[Ralph]

Yeah, you probably. We'll do that at the show if you want to hear the full story. Come to a show.

[Jamie]

Okay, perfect.

[Ralph]

Vegas story.

[Hyman]

Vegas story of Hyman Row, 28 years old.

[Ralph]

I would say it on here, but. Yeah, people.

[Jamie]

Get him to come to the show.

[Host 1]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ralph]

Then I can't say it live anymore.

[Host 1]

Yeah. So, Jaime, when you wake up on a day that you have nothing to do, what. What do you do? You wake up. Nothing. No. No obligations. What's. What's. How do you get going?

[Hyman]

Well, I usually wake up, like, at 8 in the morning.

[Host 1]

Wow.

[Jamie]

It's a nice hour.

[Host 1]

That's a tennis guy.

[Ralph]

When.

[Hyman]

When I'm home.

[Ralph]

All right. And then.

[Hyman]

And I play. Go play tennis for an hour.

[Ralph]

See?

[Hyman]

He doesn't believe me.

[Ralph]

All right, I'm listening.

[Host 1]

Okay, I barely believe you, too, but.

[Hyman]

Go ahead and then have some breakfast and then go see my family and do some errands.

[Host 1]

What kind of errands?

[Hyman]

Pick stuff up from the P.O. box. I don't know. Go to vintage shops.

[Jamie]

What are you looking for?

[Hyman]

Just love to decorate my room.

[Ralph]

You don't go to vintage shops.

[Hyman]

Yes, I do.

[Jamie]

Like, what do you. What. What are you, a collector?

[Hyman]

Oh, now what? You probably seen this, but I'm helping a friend's stepdad.

[Ralph]

I'll tell you what he does.

[Host 1]

Yeah, that's. That's what you should go after.

[Ralph]

You waste my money, wasting my time.

[Host 1]

You guys are like a married couple.

[Jamie]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Hyman]

No, no.

[Host 1]

This is exactly what Jamie and Cutter sound like when I'm.

[Ralph]

I'll tell you what this guy does is I asked him to pick somebody up from the airport the other day, and he's like, oh, no. You know, I'm let. Mind you. Mind you. I just.

[Host 1]

Where's the airport?

[Ralph]

I just paid this man, and he asked for an advance. Just paid him his advance. So the next day, I. I told Abraham and him if they can go pick up a couple people from the airport, and this man is selling. What are you selling?

[Hyman]

Beef jerky.

[Ralph]

Beef jerky At a farmer's market. Farmer's market?

[Jamie]

You make your own beef?

[Hyman]

I was hoping friends stepped.

[Jamie]

Oh, the helping your friend step dad.

[Hyman]

He was paying me 140 bucks. I was like, you know what? I hope. But luckily.

[Host 1]

Look, I Haven't seemed to have a lot of jobs.

[Ralph]

I paid a lot more than $140, I'll tell you that.

[Host 1]

That's what I'm saying. You. You needed.

[Jamie]

You.

[Ralph]

He.

[Host 1]

You're. You're asking for an advance. But you have so many jobs. You're a tennis star. You're all this stuff. Why do you need extra money? Where's all your money? You shop at a vintage shop. Where's all your money going?

[Hyman]

Vegas.

[Host 1]

Okay, I. I. Listen, I can respect that.

[Hyman]

Dancers.

[Host 1]

Yeah, no, I fully respect that.

[Ralph]

We actually, us and the other guys sat down and had a conversation about that. We're like, where is his money?

[Jamie]

Antiques.

[Ralph]

The man has three outfits. Where is his money?

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Jamie]

Have you seen his room that he's decorating? Do you know what?

[Ralph]

I'm not allowed in his apartment.

[Host 1]

I know he shops at the vintage shop. And he's wearing free short. The shorts you're wearing were free.

[Hyman]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

Yes.

[Host 1]

That's what I'm saying. So where does all your money go that you have all these jobs and you still need advances?

[Hyman]

Well, it's because I got merch now, so I had to pay that.

[Host 1]

That's another. That's another source of income that's bad for you in this.

[Hyman]

Why?

[Jamie]

Because you're losing money in your merch?

[Host 1]

No, I'm saying you're. That's. That's just another way you're telling me how you're making money. I'm asking where all the money goes. I'm not sure that's a problem.

[Ralph]

That's a big problem.

[Host 1]

This is your next podcast. You know what? You should have a financial advisor as a guest on your podcast and come in and go through your books and tell you where your money is going.

[Ralph]

That financial advisor will turn up dead. This guy, Ketchup, I would love.

[Host 1]

Yeah, yeah. He's like, you spent 800 last month on ketchup.

[Ralph]

Is that Wolf of Wall street line? You know the ketchup? He actually did cure cancer.

[Host 1]

Man. Well, listen, I mean, again, we've almost. We've almost hit an hour, guys. Go listen to the fat Fish podcast. Formula bean is Ralph's YouTube channel. What do you do on your YouTube channel? Cars, right?

[Ralph]

Car stuff. Yeah, we just do automotive stuff. Blew up a motor the other day. It was fun.

[Hyman]

Not fun. No. Luis took my best friend from the podcast.

[Ralph]

No, Tiger Belly took my best friend from. Here we go. That's another thing he does. He. He manipulates the fans into thinking everything's my fault. I'll be at shows and People will be like, why didn't you bring Hyman? What do you got against Hyman? Never do they say, why didn't. Why didn't Hyman want to come?

[Hyman]

I was in la. That was like one show.

[Ralph]

Nah, this is. How do you know him? You're not there.

[Jamie]

Well, you know, you pay off when they probably wonder where.

[Hyman]

And then also, what was it? Not the fat fish. Oh, there was one episode where, like, as a joke, I was like, talk about couples. I was. Oh, yeah. I mean, Ralph as a joke. And I forgot to tell the producers, hey, take it out. Yeah.

[Ralph]

People were, like, messaging me, like, genuinely asking me, like, hey, were you guys really ever dating?

[Hyman]

But I said a. Kind of. As a joke.

[Host 1]

But it was a stupid joke kind of a.

[Hyman]

It was a joke.

[Ralph]

This is a joke. Kind of.

[Hyman]

Cut this out. Cut this out. Cut this out.

[Ralph]

Okay. He's going to remind people of the first time you made him.

[Hyman]

Hey, y' all really got some. Dudes are gay. No, but yeah.

[Ralph]

Catches at gay diners across America in Minnesota.

[Host 1]

Starving at gay diners. All right, well, listen, thank you guys so much for. For coming here and go, go. If you want to hear the rest of the Jaime Ralph veg, go see them there. Ralph's on tour. Where you. Where are you going?

[Ralph]

We're going to. We're adding several cities, but the bigger ones are, like, we're doing the Beacon Theater in New York, September 20th.

[Jamie]

Wow.

[Ralph]

We just added a second show. We're doing casinos somewhere in the North Pacific Northwest. I know. This is racist. I can't remember the name. It's like Chumak and Chewbacca Casino.

[Jamie]

There it is.

[Host 1]

Chewbacca Casino.

[Ralph]

Somewhere in Southern.

[Host 1]

Shoot, that's not racist.

[Ralph]

There we go. Muckle Shoot. That's another one.

[Host 1]

Yeah, yeah.

[Hyman]

Chicago.

[Ralph]

We got San Antonio. Chicago. Chicago theater. We just added a second show there as well for November.

[Host 1]

What's a website? Where do they go? Barbosacomedy.com.

[Ralph]

Barbosa comedy dot com.

[Host 1]

And when you see Ralph, ask him, why didn't you bring Jaime?

[Hyman]

I'll be there.

[Jamie]

That's right.

[Host 1]

You'll be at all these stuff. Oh, you come for the big stuff, the theaters and everything.

[Ralph]

Oh, yeah. He doesn't want to miss those.

[Host 1]

Of course.

[Hyman]

Yeah, I'm staying with him all weekend. Hey, do you guys want to come to the San Antonio?

[Jamie]

Oh, December 19th.

[Host 1]

December 19th. Yeah, if we're here, I'll go.

[Hyman]

Yeah, I invited to the creek.

[Ralph]

Oh, yeah, for sure. December 19th. We'll get you guys set up VIP status everybody.

[Hyman]

Those three people too. The whole Y Mage.

[Host 1]

Look at him. Jaime's a big ball. I wish, I wish, I wish we could follow Jaime on the plane with his tennis rap, see what he's up to.

[Ralph]

Jaime is my own poly walnuts.

[Jamie]

Yes, exactly.

[Host 1]

I made walnuts.

[Hyman]

He used to say Ray man, but.

[Ralph]

Yeah, he's also Rain Man. But sometimes. Sometimes I get that one confused too. Sometimes I'm like, what if I'm his Rain man and he's Tom Cruise? Yeah, I just don't know it. I'm the one doing tantrums all the time.

[Host 1]

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I think once he's dunking popcorn and ketchup, you could pretty much guarantee you're the Tom Cruise of the group. All right, we'll see you guys next week.

[Jamie]

Thank you so much.

[Ralph]

Thank you, guys.

[Hyman]

Bye, guys.

[Ralph]

Is.

[Jamie]

Come on.

[Ralph]

One Time Manhattan.