Ashley Corbo (0:00)

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My name is Ashley Corbo and I'm the host of Try not to Care, a Not so Personal diary where I talk about my thoughts and experiences with friendships, breakups, mental health, navigating your 20s, quitting your job, following your dreams, and so much more. Trying not to Care is a safe space for anyone who's ever felt alone or misunderstood. Tune in every Monday for a quick therapy session with me. Listen anywhere you get your podcast and follow me on Instagram at Ashley corbo and @trainitacarepodcast. Welcome to Note to Self. I'm your host, Peyton Sartin. Note to Self is all about getting to know yourself and creating the life you truly want, but doing so realistically. Because in a world where we all want better for ourselves, we have to give ourselves and others some grace along the way. Tune in every week for solo episodes like how to Be Hotter and Less Depressed or Simple Ways to Elevate Surveyor. Every day you will hear conversations with guests who dive into topics ranging from health to business to relationships and more. Note to Self is here to remind you that while life is very much serious at times, it's also supposed to be fun. I don't have much to hide and you can expect me to overshare it all in my signature monotone and straightforward way. I hope you love it. Now let's get into today's episode. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Note to Self. So today we're going to cover a topic that I covered many moons ago in episode 20, and this is going to be a resurgence of how to live your best single life. And I've kind of got a lot for you today, so let's just get into today's episode. No Life update. We're just, like. We're just hopping in here. So how to live your best single life, like I said, is episode 20. If y' all want to go listen to that. I re. Listened to it. And a lot of the stuff I said in there still stands. And I want to be clear that I'm coming at this from a perspective of someone who is in a committed relationship. I live with my partner. We are in the process of, like, you know, actually, how do I say this properly? We are building my current ring right now. I feel like I'm just, like, a person that will, like, fucking say that. I'm not trying to make it a surprise. I don't want it to be a surprise for me, and it's probably not going to be a surprise to you all when it happens. So I've discussed that with Joe. Like, I want to be a part of the process of getting the ring. And we kind of gone back and forth on, like, various settings and things like that. Obviously, I moved to Florida recently with him. I lived in Milwaukee with him for his baseball season. So I wouldn't be, like, doing all this, obviously, if I was in a committed relationship. So this is coming from the perspective of a person looking back on my single life, which I think is important to know and to note, because you're understanding obviously where I'm coming from. I was single basically until I was 26. I had never fallen in love before. I had dated in the past, and I will say, like, I had relationships or a relationship that was, like, under a year long. So, like, I don't. I feel like I was single until I was 26, basically. I met Joe at 26, fell in love for the first time, which was obviously, like, such an exciting time in my life. And then we dated until I was just about 29, about to turn 29. So through 28. We broke up for about a year, a little under. So I was actually somewhat recently in 2023, single that whole year, basically until the very end. So I had, like, a resurgence of this single life since I did episode 20, because I was with Joe at that time in episode 20. So I feel like there's some new things I picked up after a breakup and, like, post being in a relationship where I was in love and in that version of my single life. And definitely my single life at 29 was different than, like, let's say, 24. You know what I mean? So take this with a grain of salt as I say with all these episodes, like, this is my perspective and this is things that I learned about my single life while it was happening. And then also, like, looking back, like, things that I think I did well, things that I think I could have done better. All of that went into creating this episode. So kind of the run of show for today is I'm going to share with you guys what a couple of my friends have talked about being their favorite thing about being single or what their favorite things about being single were in the past or are right now. And I went to my trusted advisors for this one, and y' all will be familiar if you've been listening for a hot second. So I asked my friend Iman, I asked my friend Kimberly, who's been on the podcast a number of times. I asked my friend Laurel, who's been on the podcast, and I asked my friend Kim Kelsey, who has been on the podcast once. I would like to get her on again. Anyway, I feel like these are the people I go to. So a lot of the times when I'm preparing an episode, I will ask them, obviously, the questions that I would like to talk about that day. So we'll start with that. We'll go through my 10 rules of being single, and then I'll answer some frequently asked questions at the end. I do want to say up top, like, I was single again, like I said until I was 26 and then again at 29. And. And I adore being single. So that's also the perspective I'm coming from. I naturally just work better alone. I literally work alone. Like, my job is pretty much just by myself, so I like to do stuff alone. So that's another thing to note about my perspective and where I'm coming from. Because some of it might not resonate with you and some of it might, or maybe you have something to learn or maybe there's something I'm missing that you do see if you are not like that. You know what I mean? I also want to note up top that there's been some rumors going around that women who are single and childless are the happiest subset of the population. And I looked into that, and it was a study done by Paul Dolan, a professor of behavioral science at the London School of Economics. And he says he's a happiness expert. He says that women who are single with no children are the happiest. So keep that in mind, okay? As we're going through today's episode. So to start things off, I asked a number of my trusted advisors what their favorite thing about being single is or was. And I'll give you a little background on them each. So my friend Iman, we have a podcast together called three Way as well. She's been on A Note to Self a number of times and we've been friends for a really long time. I have seen Iman through multiple relationships and multiple breakups. She is currently not single. You listen to three Way, you would know that she has a crush and it's pretty serious now. So that's where she's coming from when she's reflecting on her very recent single life, by the way, because this is a new crush. So Iman says. I feel like relationships at their core are a lot of compromise. And I think my favorite thing about being single was having all my routines with no adjustments, having to be made for another person in a relationship. I love compromise and making the other person happy. So being single is the only time I I'm truly self centered and it's so nice. I think that's great. I also agree. Okay then. My friend Laurel, Laurel's been on the podcast to talk about confidence because she is possibly the most confident person that I know. She is currently married and a new mom. Her baby just turned one so that's where she's coming from. She was single with me all through college and through a bit of our twenties. So when I was like living around Laurel and we were like super close in college especially, we were definitely like the single girls. So I asked Laurel what is her favorite thing about being single or what was. And she said flirting. I love flirting. Playing boys like fiddles, doing whatever the I want, whenever the I want. It's kind of a reckless freedom which is just an on brand Laurel answer for that one. She's married now to like the best guy ever. And I mentioned this I think in my first single episode too and I mentioned Laurel, but she was such a essential part of my single life. So I have to. So was Iman. All right, Kimberly. And Kimberly's been on previously to talk about breakups. So I asked Kimberly, what's your favorite thing about being single? And she said that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, wherever I want, answer to no one and I can flirt. She said Freedom by Beyonce. I've been seeing someone else say transition of having to carve out time for someone and planning around someone is really making me appreciate this, my independence and how self self sufficient I am. And then she went on to talk about like sometimes yourself, like your self sufficiency. If you've been single for a while is so elite in comparison to people who are not single, like, ever. And then lastly, so also I feel like, sorry, Kimberly, if I just added you, Kimberly, she might be getting into something soon. So she's noticing the taste of after being single for a while of, like, having to go think about someone else when you're, like, doing your daily plans or your weekly plans or, like, God forbid, trips and stuff like that. You have to, like, actually care about someone else's schedule, which we'll get into in a second because it can be kind of difficult sometimes. Okay, lastly, I have Kelsey. Kelsey's been single for a while. She was, like, kind of in longer term relationships when she was younger. Like high school, college, stuff like that. But since I've known Kelsey, she's been single. And she's definitely, like, a key component of my single life for sure. Both, you know, pre 26 and then both this last year when I was, like, in 2023, when I was 29 and single again. Kelsey says, I love that when I go out, I have no, absolutely no clue how my nights will end. Kelsey loves the spontaneity. I know this about her, and we had so much fun. There is nothing like being single here in New York or Kelsey lives in Scottsdale. Being single in Scottsdale and Miami, and I mean, anywhere you are, being single is a different level of fun because there is this. This, like, spontaneity to it. And also just like this big question mark of, like, what's gonna happen? You know what I mean? Like, we could have the best time. Someone could fall in love or not. Or we could just, like, have the most giggly fun time and just end up in the craziest places. I think that I really loved that about being single. Okay, so let's get into my rules for being single. Rule number one. And also before we start this, okay, it's not that serious. All right? I just wanted to come up with some good content to share with you today. If you disagree, that's fine. The last two rules are a little bit different than the first eight, I will say, But I think that these can apply to everyone in some way. And these aren't the only rules. And also, there aren't really rules. Like, you have to do this, for example. I think sometimes a rule would be don't sleep with someone on the first date. I don't like rules like that. They're very like, you can and can't do something. These are more just like general guidelines to like how to be more mindful, I guess, of your singleness and take advantage of this time in your life. Today's episode is sponsored by Quince. So fall is upon us, obviously, and we're also getting into the winter months. And as the weather is changing, as the season changes, there are so many exciting things about fall, particularly like football games. I'm having all the fall candle scents burning around the house. And I think that this is a time to really not only kind of change things out in your wardrobe, but kind of invest in those amazing pieces that you know you're going to keep for many falls to come. For me, that means like coats, sweaters, just the basics that I know I'll like that fit me well. So Quince is known for their Mongolian cashmere sweaters from $50. And it's not just that all Quince Items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. 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It's just more approachable and less overwhelming. So it's something I find myself reaching for a lot more. The Impressed manis have a patented super hold adhesive for up to seven day secure hold, so these two are definitely beauty must haves for me. Visit empressbeauty.com Note to self and use code Note to self at checkout for 25% off Empress manicure and press on falsies Today's episode is sponsored by Society de la Rossi. So Society de la Rossi is a de alcoholized sparkling wine that beckons the bold. This elegant alternative offers the same celebratory experience as traditional sparkling wine, blending luxury and timeless tradition with modern innovation. So de alcoholized sparkling wine by the way is non alcoholic. This means the grapes are made into traditional wine and then the alcohol is gently separated and removed from the wine so that it retains the flavors, aroma and mouthfeel of traditional wine without the alcohol. It is made with 100% Chardonnay grapes only. 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That's Society D L A r a s s I.com for 15% off when you order with the code. Note to self. Okay, so number one, the reframe. I need you to reframe what it means to be single. So, for example, this can look like if you've fallen in love before, guess what? You get to fall in love again, which is like the most exciting, fun thing ever. If you've never fallen in love at this point in your life, that's coming for you in the future because you're single. And if you want a relationship in the future, that's going to happen to you. So reframing it to be like, okay, well, I get to look forward to this. And I always love having something to look forward to in the short term and in the long term. And I feel like this is something more middle term maybe that you can look forward to, which is so fucking exciting. Going on, like, a first date and kind of knowing, like, this could be something and then moving through those first, you know, with the right person when you are entering a relationship, it's so exciting. I also think that understanding that each phase of your life has pros and cons, and relationships have their pros and cons as well, because relationships aren't just like fudgeing unicorns and fairies, let me tell you. Okay. Kelsey and I were talking recently, and she was like, I would give anything to have what you have right now, because from the outside and on the inside, too, it's great. But, like, Joe and I, you know, we got back together, then we took a hot second to live apart, and then we moved back in together. And we did this whole baseball season where he was, you know, not injured for the first time in a really long time. And he played really well. So that was really exciting. And his team went kind of far. Well, not kind of far the playoffs, but his teams, his. They made it to the playoffs, which was exciting. Then we moved into this new great house and we're starting our whole life in Florida with Winnie, our dog. And we're kind of redoing the house how we want. And it. It is a very exciting time in my life. And I feel like it's a very unique time in my life that I'm trying to take advantage of right now. But there's also things in relationships that do suck. You get an arguments. There's like an emotional toll sometimes in those arguments because you're so involved in another person that, you know, the idea of that slipping away ever is really upsetting. There's so many things to lose and to gain in a relationship. And there's so many things to lose and to gain. Being single, like the grass is not necessarily greener. I think they're both the same green. It's just like what you make of it at the time. I also think that you have to understand that, you know, if your goal is to be in a relationship at some point, this, when you zoom out of your life, is your single phase. And there's a time for everything. It's like your single season. You get to do this at this time with the people around you, and you get to have a great single time instead of, like, looking forward to another phase that will come. You know what I mean? So that would be rule number three. And let's say you do become, you know, part of a relationship. You meet someone, you meet your person, you're going to want to look back on your time being single with, like, pride and like, excitement. Like, when I look back on my single time, I feel like I. I really did it. Obviously there's things that I wish I wouldn't have done and there's things I wish I would have done more of. But I'm proud of how I spent my time when I was single. And I'm proud to say that I loved it. I loved overall, like, it was a net positive in my life. So another thing to be reminded of. I guess that wasn't Rule 3. Sorry, this is all still under reframing. I'm like looking at my phone on my little outline that I tried to make this time. I also think that eventually when you do get into relationships, things can move kind of fast. Like, I feel like I, I'm weird about this. I know Joe and I dated for like two and a half years and then we, like I said, broke up and like, didn't speak for a while and then got back together. But I feel like now we've been together for like three and a half years. What was it? Three, Almost three and a half years now. And with like engagement pending in the house and you know, our dog talking about kids, I feel like single me just a year ago was in such a different place and like 30 year old getting back together with Joe and kind of like homemaking and planning for our future and stuff. I feel like it's exciting but it's very overwhelming and it's happening very fast. So what I'm trying to say is sometimes when you get into a relationship, things can happen really fast and that single life is far behind you and it's kind of scary. On the other side of this, I was talking to my friends Iman and Kristen because we would like to have like a, a place here in New York and just kind of all go in on it together so we can come to New York often and record together and do all this stuff because we all love it here so much. And I was thinking about like in the next year, like our plan would be to have it for let's say 2025 at some point, signing at least in 2025. And I'm, I'm trying to logistically be like, okay, look, can I place my finances here? Because one, we don't know where Joe's playing. So I have to consider this because what if he's playing in New York? That could be cool. Two, what am I going to do with Winnie? Can I bring Winnie? Can I, can we get an apartment that allows dogs? Do I want to like board her that much? Is that going to be hella expensive? It's going to be a whole thing. Three, what if I become with child? I can't just be like traveling around for like my entire pregnancy. Like, what if something happens? What if I need to see the doctor and then I have a child, you know, and that shit comes at you fast sometimes when you're set up in a relationship and you're setting up for your future. So I, I feel like I'm at a point right now where I'm like looking back and I'm like, shit, it might, like that time of my life might really be over and it probably is. And I'm just Not willing to accept it yet. And I won't be able to move so fluidly. And I have to, like, think about, like, is this New York apartment good for me? Because, like, what if I can't use it for, like, half of 20, 25 for some reason? Whatever. Insert reason here, because it's like, I'm doing this whole new life thing that's really, really, really scary. So you'll. Everyone's gonna hit that point. I think if you want to be in a relationship, that's what you're seeking. I truly believe you're gonna find it. And then it's gonna hit you like a ton of bricks and your life changes. So please enjoy this time. Reframe your brain to be like, okay, it's gonna happen. And when it happens, it might happen fast. So let's enjoy the time we have now. And I've used this as an example in the first episode. But I had this, like, very specific moment, I believe, when I was 25, so about five years ago. That has just stuck with me. And I do think it's. I think I was correct about, you know, this prophecy, so to speak. But I was laying. I was single. I was laying in this bed. I think I was here in New York. I'm pretty sure I was laying in, like, a New York hotel bed. You could hear the city behind me. I was laying, and it's, like, perfectly quaffed. The bed is so comfy. I remember just laying there and spreading out all my arms and legs and just, like, feeling the cold sheets. And I was thinking, like, how grateful I am for this moment because I wanted to be in a relationship I knew I would be eventually. And at one. At some point in my life, I'm going to be in a bed filled with a husband, dog, children, whatever it is. And, like, these are the. The experiences that, like, my family is going to get me for, like, Mother's Day. They're going to be like, let's let mom go. Have a weekend alone, have a hotel room, separate, some silence, whatever. I'm going to fucking wish I had the freedom to be doing this right now and to be solo, sitting here by myself. And it hit me, like, you know, just things, like, hit you hard sometimes. That hit me so hard. And it hit me even harder when I moved to Milwaukee recently with Joe, and we could only fit a queen bed and the room we chose. So I'm sitting there with Joe, who's 6, 4, 2, 50, and my dog, who takes up the entire bed in a queen bed. Everyone's sweating. It is not ideal. Luckily, we're getting a king bed in Florida. But my point is, I had that moment, like, I had the future moment that I was like, you're gonna be looking back at this and be like, I wish I was in a bed by myself, which I love about traveling alone. It's so fun to be in, like, my nice, comfy place. But I feel like taking these moments and being like, wow, I'm gonna be able to savor this right now. And this is going to be a treat to me in the future. Like, this experience I'm having now is gonna be something that I long for when it's all said and done. And don't get me wrong, I love waking up with Joe, with Winnie, and having, like, a nice, lovely, loving family morning. But sometimes I'm just like, damn, I used to sleep in a comfortable bed by myself. Not squished, not. The covers weren't taken from me. I wasn't sweating. Just, just think about that. Everything that you're doing in your single life when you're laying in bed. I think sometimes, like, laying in bed alone can be something for some people. Like, for me, when I just got out of a relationship, it made me really sad. And trying to reframe my brain back to that was important to me. I think it's also important, lastly on the reframing, to live, like, your dream life, like, is unfolding. So how do you. How are you going to act right now knowing that whatever you want is coming to you? And I think that the. That's an important part of, like, the manifestation process, which we're not really going to talk about in this episode. But I think that's something I learned through being more spiritual. Woo woo. And it also just, like, put me in a better headspace to live. All right, rule number two, after you've reframed, I need you to get used to being selfish. So like Iman said, and her favorite thing about being single, being selfish. You don't have to do it. I mean, there's other people in your life, obviously, so you can't. Don't be, like, so serious about this. But I think with your routines is one thing specifically. You get to decide, like, what you do every single day and you have full control. Like, I don't really have that right now, especially with the dog and with Joe. Like, if you're single with no animals, no children, please be selfish. Okay? This plays out in so many different parts of your life, but I think the one that I When I look back on my most recent, like, single year, I loved my routines. I had something I did every. Like, when I went to go work out, I would work out on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And that was definitely part of my routine until I got Winnie and I had to, like, kind of remake that routine a little bit. But that was such an important routine for me. My nighttime routine was important for me. Now I have to wait for Joe because Joe is out in our living room with the dog. He wants to go to bed late. I don't want to go to bed as late. I want to start my nighttime routine. But we're eating at the same time, and then he's coming back from the game, and whatever. Whatever's happening when he has to do this, when he has to do that. If I go to sleep earlier and when he comes in the room with Joe at the time that he wants to go to sleep, they wake me up, and then I'm annoyed. That doesn't happen when you're single. You just get to live your life however it is that you want to live your life. You get to experiment with what makes you better, the routines that make you feel good, your morning routine. I'm, like, trying to have a morning routine around my dog and my boyfriend is really hard unless Joe is gone, because, like, how am I going to meditate in my chair when he's just walking around making breakfast, doing. He's doing great things. But I'm still like. I kind of want me time in the morning. You know what I mean? Not a lot of me time that I'm getting right now. And I will say, my relationship. Joe's gone a lot, and I still feel like I don't get enough me time. So please indulge in your me time. Please be selfish. And you don't have to compromise about things, about where you're going for Christmas or how you're celebrating New Year's or what friends you're gonna hang out with this week, or what couples you're gonna go to this with or whatever it is. When you're going on trips, there is no compromising. You just do whatever the fuck you want to do. And that is a lovely, lovely thing to have. All right, number three, you have to be free. This kind of can coincide with being selfish, but I feel like you have to understand you're never going to have freedom like this again. Should you want to be in a relationship and have children, it will never happen. Sometimes they look at Winnie and she takes so much effort. Because she's so. We've given her so much attention that she now requires it. So she is attached to me or to Joe at all times. And I was thinking the other day, like, damn, this will really never end. She's like, I'm just gonna do this forever. And then I'm like, oh, I want to have children now. Is it a deterrent to having kids? No, but it does make me appreciate the time that I'm having right now, even, because it's a lot of attention to give. And then once you're a mom, well, once you're a wife, you're giving a lot of attention to your husband. But once you're a mom, you're giving this person attention until probably the day that you die. My mom is still giving me attention all the time. I'm 30, so. And I have two other siblings, so I don't know how she's doing all of this for everyone. She's more involved in their lives even as well. So, like, her job is never ending. It will never end. You will never be as free as you are right now. I will say that freedom is definitely something to take advantage of. So go do spontaneous things. Go on the girls trip. Specifically, I would say New York is a great city to be single, and it's very fun. Great city for dating. Great city to be single, in my opinion. I know a lot of people say. Say otherwise, but I love it here. When I visited here before when I was single and when I visited through my, you know, single year last year, this was always, like, the best place, in my opinion, to be single. I think it also can make you more malleable to be spontaneous and change your plans. I always kind of cite the Europe trip I had with my friends. Kind of, like, right before meeting Joe, where we just kind of were around. Like, we didn't do it in a fancy way. We definitely, like, this was, like, right when I started making enough money to take care of myself and, like, have a little extra money to spend. We all went in on, like, Airbnbs. We took, like, very cheap flights around, but we just, like, we just had the best, most wholesome time and, like, the shitty hostels or wherever we were staying. Making funny memories. Some. Some dramatic memories. Just, like, it was so stupid in the best way. And we would just do things like, all right, well, why don't we. Instead of going to do this in Paris, why don't we go to Ibiza for the weekend? And we would just be like, okay, let's go to Ibiza and then we're like, let's lay over in Amsterdam for 24 hours. And we're. You just decide on the way. And you can be so spontaneous because you're not really going to many other people's plans. I wasn't thinking, like, when I got in a relationship with Joe, even long distance, like, we would FaceTime pretty much every single night. Obviously things come up, but, like, I knew I was having a FaceTime date in the evenings, and it's something I couldn't, like, consistently opt out of now. I wanted to be having a FaceTime date with Joe. We were long distance for a year and a half, and that's what I wanted. But there's still a freedom to not even having something like that on your calendar. That's just great. Not checking in with anyone. You're not arguing with anyone. You're just having the best time, and that's a beautiful time. So take advantage of your freedom and truly be free right now, because one day it might be over for you. So do it now. So number four. Okay. I think being single, sadly, is probably the best time I've ever had and will ever have with my girlfriends, especially if they're also single. A group of single girls together. I cannot think of a more exciting time in my life than when it was just me and my single girlfriends going to dinner and then being like, let's go out and do something. So much fun. The energy of it all, getting ready for that, just giggling, being stupid, having a good time, not taking anything too seriously. It was so much fun. And it was a bonding experience that I have had with a couple of my friends, including Iman, including Kelsey, including Laurel, including Kimberly. Like, these are just times that I feel like really laid a foundation for amazing friendships. That's not to say that I don't have fun with my friends now, but we all have other things that we're doing. And, like, it's not every Friday night that we're going out and having a good time. Because now we all live in different places. We have partners, we have, you know, jobs we dedicate a lot to or we have, like, I have Winnie. It's really hard for me to just, like, drop everything and, like, go to LA or go to New York or wherever. I have to, like, plan out because she has to be boarded or I have to make sure Joe's in town and he has to make sure that she gets boarded. It's just like a step in the process that makes it really difficult. And going out single is so different than going out when you're in a relationship because you want to go out and hang out with your friends. But you also know that, like, you have someone at home. The night isn't like a big question mark. You know what I mean? It's more like I know exactly what's about to happen, which I do. Like, there's a. There's a part of that that I like as well. It's very comfortable. But there's an excitement to being single that I think should be taken advantage of while you are single, because, again, that will end. Life gets in the way, and relationships take time and energy. They just do. Even if you don't want them to. Even if you say you're going to be as close with your friends as you were when y' all are both in relationships or all in relationships, you don't have, like, the capacity for the time you have to give. It's just limited because there are other things in your life that are going on as well that are beautiful. But my point is there's no time like this time to lean into your friendships and build those friendships up that will last you through your relationships as well. But I just think there's truly nothing better than being in a group of single girls. As a single girl getting ready to take on, like, a night out. It's just so much fun. So really lean into that one. Number five, much like Laurel's mentioned and Kimberly mentioned this too. Flirting. Flirting is so fun and so sexy. And I think even in relationships, some couples have different rules around this. I'm not a person who flirts while I'm in a relationship with someone else. I don't ever want to, like, make someone feel like I'm would be interested in them at any point, because I feel like it's kind of disrespectful to my partner. That being said, when you're single, you can flirt all the time. And flirting is, like, such an interesting and fun skill to just, like, hone in on. And it's just fun and it's just sexy. And it just offers this whole, like, facet to going out and about that you don't really have necessarily in a relationship if you're in a relationship with, like, mine. Because I obviously don't want Joe out there flirting with a bunch of people either. So I just think it's a little bit disrespectful, and it kind of makes the other person look dumb in a way. So that's our kind of rule around it, that being Said, if you are single, you need to be taking advantage of this time. You need to be flirting. It's fun. Do it. It's exciting. It's like a little thrill that you get in your day. It's like if you're bored, you can go out and flirt for 10 minutes, and it's just fun and it's simple. And let me tell you, Laurel misses it. Laurel, though, kind of flirts with. With, like, everyone. And not in a way that's like a sensual, sexual way. I mean, like, Laurel just, like, is a very bubbly kind of person, and she kind of draws you in. She flirts with, like, girls, guys, whoever. I think there's a different kind of type of flirting that she's doing there, but she was, like, the master of this, so she had the best time. I used to try to get, you know, my tips from Laurel. She's a little smoother than me, but anyway, it's fun, and I need to see you guys all recklessly flirting. Okay, number six, prioritizing your mental and physical health. So this kind of goes along with being selfish and being in control of your schedule. When pre. Winnie, when I was single, I got in the best shape of my life. I wasn't necessarily working at a bunch. I was working out twice a week. But I found exactly what I wanted to do. I found the exact trainer that I wanted, and then I went to see her on a very particular schedule every week. And that consistency was what did it for me. So I felt the best. I felt the healthiest that I ever was. I was still, like, going out and having fun with my friends and doing all that stuff, but having this routine of, like, a physical health routine. I would go home, I would cook exactly what I wanted because I didn't have to, like, be like, what do you want tonight? What do you want? Okay, well, I don't want this side, and I want that. No, I would just cook exactly what I wanted. So I was being healthy in a way that was consistent and easy for me. It was just so nice. It was so, so nice. And again, that kind of goes with the routine thing. But I think that prioritizing your health and your mental health, too, takes a lot of time. So this is something that I have kind of fallen off of a little bit, definitely through the moves and work and my relationship and stuff. But I'm trying to get more involved in and back kind of like on the saddle of working out more consistently. And I've been saying this for months. Y' all know, figure out when it sticks. But anyway, it was easy for me to do this because I had time during my day that I wasn't, you know, coming home after work and seeing Joe and seeing what he wants to do. And it. There's just so many moving parts when you're in a relationship, especially if you're married, especially if you're with kids, you can't really prioritize as much of your own shit as you can when you're single. So take advantage of this time to get the most mentally and physically healthy that you can. It's also a time, I think under the mental health section here, it's time to really like face yourself in the mirror and be, look at who you are. Figure out like get so real with yourself and figure out the things you want to improve. The things that you love about yourself, the things that you might not love about yourself. That again, you would like to improve things you need to work on. Because also, let's say your single life comes to an end and you get in a relationship. This is building a foundation for a future relationship that you're doing it right now. And if you would like to be in a great one and you want to be with someone who is healthy and secure and has kind of figured themselves out and very self aware, maybe mentally and physically strong, you need to be that as well. Because how are you, how are you about to ask that of someone if that's not something that you're embodying yourself? So I think it's a good time to prioritize getting to know yourself and understanding yourself and your shortcomings and, and being able to fix that. Now I will say there's a lot about being in a relationship that also teaches you about yourself. So I don't want to say being single is the only time you can learn about yourself. I've learned a lot about myself through relationships that I couldn't have learned when I was single. But there's so much you can learn when you're single that you're not going to be as like devoted to learning or understanding what the distraction of a relationship. I have partnered with Pilot Pen to talk about a little hack that will improve your everyday life. And it's so easy to implement. So this is a very important segment for me to jump in on. So I'm talking about using color as a way to evoke certain moods or emotions to help productivity or to make you feel more calm. So if you didn't know different colors have been proven to stimulate the limbic area of the brain which manages our emotional responses, motivation, and memory. This is often used in things like branding and interior design. For example, Pilot Pen took Color Science into account with their new G2 Boost collections. So G2 is America's first favorite gelling pen. I know y' all know the exact pen I'm talking about. If you see it, you know it. It's just they're iconic. So did you know that brighter pinks can create momentum while lighter shades of pink are soothing and comforting. Darker shades of blue are known to improve problem solving and decision making, while lighter shades aid and focus on details. Darker shades of purple embody a sense of luxury, mystery and sophistication, while lighter shades evoke imagination and creativity. Darker shades of green can improve memory and enhance problem solving, while lighter shades of green evoke positive thinking and a sense of balance. So since color plays an important role in how we experience our day to day lives and opportunities, it can clearly enhance our work and wellness routines. So choosing the ideal colors for the task at hand can have a very significant, positive, empowering impact. We've talked a lot about journaling on Note to Self and how much I personally love the practice for better understanding myself and how I'm feeling in the moment. I have a hard time processing emotions and really feeling my emotions and writing has always been a great way and tool for me to work through those things and understand myself a little bit better in these ways. Also, y' all know I love a list. I live off my list, my to do list, my content list. I'm always brainstorming something in a list. I literally just have a list of my journal called Remember this with just interesting points I've learned throughout the years that I'd like to get a better understanding of at some point. So you get it. I love lists. I love journaling. Being able to take my journaling and list making rituals to the next level with Color science. It's such an easy daily hack for me and it's a simple way to elevate my everyday, which you'll know we love here on Note to Self. This is also an amazing hack for studying and the students out there whip out those green pens. I feel myself most drawn to the greens when it comes to journaling. Of course my favorite color which evokes positive thinking and balance a necessity for me. Pilot Pens G2 Boost Collection is an easy way to bring mindfulness into something you do every day. Writing things down. So these packs are completely unique. There's really nothing like them out there and it's not a coincidence. It's harnessing the power of color science to power the most amazing machine, which is you. G2 is America's favorite number one selling gel ink brand and has more fine point colors than any other gel brand. Check out the new G2 Boost collection, exclusively on Amazon. Number seven. Prioritizing your work and finances. So I'm a workaholic. I love to work all day, every day. There's components of my job that I hate, but there's some that I absolutely love and I'm, like, addicted to. And I'm constantly trying to do so. If I have free time, I'm gonna do that. And so when I'm single, I make the most money. I also spend a bunch of money, so there's that. But I make the most money and I have the most time to dedicate to work. Because I'll work all day. I'll work through the evening. I'll be on Pinterest doing my thing, planning things, doing whatever, with a glass of wine in the evening, watching a movie. Because I find that fun now, especially through, like, baseball season when Joe's traveling a lot and all this stuff, I'll do that still. But, like, when he is home and we're. We're doing things together, I don't necessarily like to be on my phone or on my computer. And it makes me feel very guilty to be working. I still do it, but, like, I just feel a sense of guilt that I don't feel when I'm single. So I tend to make a lot more money because I prioritize my job. For example, I moved to Milwaukee with Joe for his work. I saw a very. I wouldn't say too intense, but, like, I saw a. Definitely like a. A lull and work in my income during that time. Now, I was willing to take this risk because I didn't know if that was going to happen or not. It was a risk I had to take, and I was willing to take it because I knew, you know, the back end. Like, I'm a very logical person. So I'm like, joe's paying for our apartment. That's thousands of dollars a month that I'm not paying. Okay, so that's thousands of dollars a month less that I have to book, basically. He does support our little family in a lot of ways. So I knew that logistically I really didn't have too much to lose because even if I lost, it was still supplemented in a way. That's why I made that decision, by the way. It wasn't just like on a whim, but anyways, when I moved there, the grand experiment of moving to Milwaukee, I did see a decline in my income. And again, for me, I wasn't too much. I wasn't freaking out too much about this, but I just would look back and think, you know, like, if I was still in la. There's so many little things about living in LA or New York for my job specifically, that's really helpful. It's just helpful to be around. And it makes my job not only easier, but it also allows me to make more money. I also am spending more money, so keep that in mind too. But I think that all that to say, I realized very recently how much being single positively affected my work experience. Now, I think a lot of it also has to do with, like, the transition of it all. Like, learning how to maintain that level of income while living in Milwaukee is. Is probably doable. But we were only there for six months, so I had to, like, see the lull and then have to figure out how to react to it. And by that time, we're already gone. So my point with all this is just though you get to prioritize yourself in a lot of ways, and I think work and your finances are definitely one. And I think it's also an important time to like, learn about, like, personal finance and build a foundation. Because let's say you do want to get into a relationship in the future. Not to say that all your single life needs to be preparing for a relationship, but I think that these are foundation, like, kind of. It's a moment of building foundation for whatever you want to build on top. And I think that understanding your finances and coming into a partnership with something to be like, this is what I was doing this whole entire time is nice. And I think it's something that another partner appreciates very much. Similar to Joe. Like, once we get married and we're sharing finances, I do have something to add to that. So it's something that I'm proud of. It's something I'm proud to bring to the table. And I'm excited that I have, you know, this solid foundation because I've. I spent the time learning and making the money in order to bring that foundation not only to a partnership, but to a family in the future. And that was all that foundation was laid in my single years. I also think a good kind of reframing of this is to understand that, like, I know a lot of people who got married young. My best friend from home got married young. And she's divorced already. And she just, We've talked about this at length. She's like, there's. I had a timeline in my head that I thought I should be going at. And then all that timeline took for me was, you know, it taught me a lot about what I don't want. But also like, it cost a lot of money to be in a partnership, like an illegal partnership, especially when you start having kids. So there's no reason to rush that if you haven't spent the time trying to build up that foundation like I'm talking about, because again, that will come and those expenses are coming and they are expensive. Children, even dogs are expensive. Okay. I mean, when he has health insurance. So all these little things that I'm paying for. So I think that time, again, building that up in my single life was very, very helpful in building a foundation for my future. So number eight, I guess number nine and ten are the ones that I'm like, they're a little more forward facing. Rule number eight, if you can do it financially, please live alone for at least a little bit. Because this is like the, the peak of being single. You have control not only over like your day to day and all of that stuff, but now you have control over the things that surround you every single day. You get to walk into an apartment and be proud of yourself for doing this for yourself. You get to have some serious alone time. You can do whatever the you want in your own apartment. You can decorate it how you want. There's no compromises with Joe. I have to compromise all the time on decor. And I love decorating an apartment. And having to compromise kind of sucks sometimes, I'll be honest. So having a time in your life where you don't have to compromise on that for me was, I mean, that was just fun for me. So I added that in here. You can walk around naked, you can bring whoever over, you can host all of your friends, you can fill this place with love and excitement if you want. You can watch whatever you want, you can play whatever you want, you can make yourself dinner doing whatever you want. Like this is a place for you to do whatever the fuck you want in, in a little container. And I think that is like the most fun thing ever. I also think there are things about it that will teach you a lot about yourself. The uncomfortable moments of feeling like lonely, maybe in this will teach you a lot about yourself. So I feel like there's such pride and excitement in living alone. And I think even the, quote, bad parts being Alone more frequently probably will teach you a lot about yourself in this area of your life. Because, remember, we are. We are almost like looking back on what you know. Let's imagine we're looking back on your single life. If you're single right now and you'd like to be in a relationship, you want to look back at that with like, damn, I really did that. And I think that living alone is. Is part of that or was part of my story for that. All right. The last two are definitely for people who want to be in a relationship at some point, and that might not be for everyone. And in typical me fashion, because I'm coming from my perspective, I am speaking about me, a woman looking for or being with a man. Y' all, slot whoever you need to slot in here. Okay? This is just my perspective. So that's the verbiage I'm using. So number nine, I will say the ninth rule for living your best single life is going on dates. So I think you can go on dates for fun. You can go on dates for serious. And I think when you're feeling bored going on dates, when you feel like you need to spice things up, have something to talk about with your friends, going on dates can be fun for that as well. There's so many reasons to go on dates. I'm not saying force yourself. If you absolutely dread it and it's like the most miserable experience, just take some time and don't do it. That's totally fine as well. But I think that dating should be fun, and I think you should take seriously who you choose to go to the next level with. But I think the dating part should be fun and not serious. So I think releasing, like, the expectation maybe will make dates more fun for you, and it'll also make you a more fun date. Because if you're so rigid and intense, I mean, I don't think you're gonna find your husband that way, because no one wants to be around someone so rigid and intense, Especially when it comes to something that should be fluid and taken very naturally. I will say, I also think, especially if you're in your younger 20s, dating can really teach you a lot about yourself and what you want and what you don't want. Because I think it's pretty easy to, like, spot what we don't want in a lot of ways. But I also think it can be kind of difficult to know what we really do want. So that experience is going to be great. Even if it's just like a. Whatever date. Just consider it like Practice. All right, rule number 10, do not settle. You did all of this stuff for your single life in order to build a better future for yourself, build a better now and experience better now and also build a better future. So do not sacrifice all these things that you've done for the first fucking guy that comes around and, like, looks at you. Okay, obviously that's dramatic, but, like, I. I think you should use your single life as a. As a time to build again what you want, what you don't want, understand your boundaries, understand what you're looking for when that does come, and then don't rush it. And do not settle into something that's worse than being alone. Because I think that there are many things as we'll get into in one second. There are worse things than being alone, and that's being in a relationship that doesn't suit me. I've been in relationships where I wasn't in love with a person, and I love them and I love our time together, but, like, it wasn't suiting me, obviously, in the right way. And I would never give up, like, even after Joe and I broke up, and I was really sad about that. I would never give up the experience of being in love with someone. But had I stayed in those other relationships, I never would have met someone like Joe or had I gotten to relationships that I was possibly close to getting into in my single life that I just felt like it's almost there, and I like him, but it's not all the way there. You know what I mean? I wouldn't have met someone that I really think it's all the way there with. You know what I mean? So I think that not settling is such an important part of single life, and that means not being afraid to be alone and continuing that single life until you meet that person. So basically, you're less likely to, like, make something work if you're very comfortable being alone, which can lead you to a relationship that is better than you had imagined. I would say. All right, some really quick frequently asked questions here at the end. Okay. How do I deal with the loneliness that single life brings? So I said this in episode 20, the first time I ever tackled this single life subject. And I'll tell you now, it's very similar. What I have to say, I don't think loneliness is the worst thing you can experience. I think there's so many horrible things about being in the wrong relationship that will make you so anxious and nervous and stressed out all the time that being lonely seems like nothing you're lonely, you fix it, you're good, whatever. There's a quote that I went back to in that episode that I want to return to now, and it's a Charles Bukowski quote. He says there are worse things than being alone. But it often takes decades to realize this, and most often when you do, it's too late. And there's nothing worse than too late. That struck me in my single life for sure. That being said, you can fill your life with all the connection that you want. Think sex in the city style. Just like imagine your single life sex in the city style. I need you to binge that. That's your homework. But set whatever dates you need to set with your friends. Talk to people on the, on the phone, whatever you need to do. I think calling your parents, your siblings, your Grandma, your aunt, FaceTiming a friend. One thing I think I'm obsessed with recently that helped me in my single life, even though it's not natural for me because I'm not very outgoing, is micro interactions. Micro interactions are so important for happiness. And these are those little conversations with the guy on the street, the woman in the elevator, the door guy, the person that drops off your packages. These micro interactions are really important to our overall sense of loneliness. So take a couple extra minutes and indulge someone in that conversation. I practice this in the Midwest a bit because people will talk to you there like a lot. And it is nice when I'm feeling like when Joe's gone for a week and I'm just sitting in the apartment by myself for a week. The micro interactions were very helpful. So bring those into your normal day to day life. Question number two. I'm bored. What do I do with all my extra time? I think you can do literally anything you possibly think of. I think having things to look forward to is nice, even if they're small. I schedule them on my Google calendar and it makes me feel like less bored, like I have something to do, another way to do this. And I mentioned this a lot. Getting involved in community, being involved in community on a. In a way that you're serving others gives you so much perspective and you're not so sad about your single life anymore. Let me tell you number three, how do I deal with the idea that I'll never find love? So I truly think you attract what you are. So if you create during this time a beautiful life filled with beautiful things and a lot of love, I think you're going to attract love. And that's just the hope that I have so if you're hopeless, I think the universe is going to show you more evidence of what you already believe, which is hopelessness. So I think you need to switch your mindset, which is what the reframing is for. And I think you need to really reconsider. How would you live right now knowing that everything you want is coming for you in time? Like, how would you treat this phase of your life if you knew it was just a phase? And then four I hate dating, but I want to meet someone. Any advice? I feel like, unfortunately, you do have to put yourself out there for this because you really never know what was ha or what could happen. I would say try to reframe dating. You have to loosen your grip on the outcome and just, like, enjoy the process or try to enjoy the process, even though it can be very discouraging at times. Definitely try to romanticize this part of your life. I'd say, like, make a getting ready ritual. Have drinks with friends before. My friends Iman and Kristen documented this a lot on three way, but they would get ready together for dates and then, like, go on their respective dates. They did go on a date together without telling the guys that they were, like, in the same place and they were friends and they were, like, spying on each other. But, like, that's another level, I will say, of romanticizing. I think that's more of a bit than romanticizing. I also. Okay. Also to add to that, by the way, going on each day with the purpose of having a good time and getting to know someone versus a specific outcome, like, this person's gonna be my boyfriend is gonna make dates more fun for you. And for the other person, I will say the last question. How do you deal with the idea that your life is not unfolding according to the timelines you've set for yourself? Especially when it feels like everyone else's is. First of all, I had to debunk the whole timeline thing because I realized I just made it up in my head based on what, like, other people around me specifically were doing. There's a big, huge world out there that people do a bunch of different things. So just because you grew up around people doesn't mean you have to live exactly like them. That's kind of the theme of my entire life. But getting out of that, like, almost like unbrainwashing yourself can be difficult. And I've done that in a number of ways in my life. Tried to unbrain wash myself. I'm sure I'm re brainwashed in other ways, but I guess we'll see. Time will tell. But I think that understanding that we just made it up and everyone's living for the first time and people are just kind of guessing at what's, what's the right thing to do and living it out and the grass again isn't always greener. There are so many of my friends who I thought were in really great relationships who turns out, you know, they get married. My best friend getting divorced, it sounded great when she was getting married and she was really excited for that and she found her person. But then, like, things happen and you, you never really know what's happening behind closed doors, I will say so. I think that just minding your business and being involved in your own life and what feels good for you at work, what works for you, is like the only guiding light you can really follow. And getting to know yourself during your time single is so important and to open and understanding this, you know what I mean? Because you can't really know what you want if you don't, like, take time to reflect and understand or go through experiences that teach you that. So everyone's timeline is different. I know that's annoying to hear, but you can't be looking left and looking right and see what's happening because you don't know the full story of what's happening in everyone's relationships. It could be telling you something you know is going great when it's not. Maybe it's. It's all going great and that's totally fine too. But my point is you can't waste time looking at other people's timelines because it's just simply not yours. So I would discourage that kind of thing, even though it's very natural. I do understand what you're saying. So anyways, that's my how to live your best Single Life, Part 2. Kind of like 10 rules for being single. Now that I've gone through a large chunk of being single, a relationship, a more recent chunk of being single, and then back into a relationship, that's. That's what I would share with 22, 23 year old me. That's how I would talk to her. So thank you guys so much for listening to today's episode. I will talk to you next week. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of Note to Self. Please please remember to rate and review wherever you get your podcast. Five stars preferably. Of course. This helps the show so much. Come find Note to Self on Instagram at ntsbyps and at Nostalgia self pot on TikTok. You can also find me across socials at Peyton Sartin. Thank you forever and I'll talk to you next week. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.