In new memoirs, David Archuleta and Lindy West break with their pasts

Summary

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NPR’s Book of the Day

Episode Summary: “In new memoirs, David Archuleta and Lindy West break with their pasts”

Date: March 27, 2026
Host: Tim Bidermes

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Episode Overview

This episode spotlights two powerful new memoirs: David Archuleta’s Losing My Faith to Find Myself and Lindy West’s Adult Braces: Driving Myself Sane. Both authors share deeply personal stories of breaking from their pasts and reshaping their identities—Archuleta through his journey away from the Mormon church and coming out, and West via a cross-country road trip as she faces the trials of midlife, marriage, and polyamory. With trademark candor, humor, and a willingness to be vulnerable, both authors invite listeners to consider what it means to truly live as oneself.

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Segment 1: David Archuleta’s “Losing My Faith to Find Myself”

Interview with Indira Lakshmanan
Timestamps: [01:53] – [12:18]

Key Discussion Points and Insights

• American Idol Stardom & Hidden Struggles

  • Archuleta gained national fame as a teenager on American Idol (2008), finishing as runner-up ([01:53]).
  • Outward charm masked deep inner turmoil, particularly with his sexuality and the pressures of his Mormon upbringing ([03:10], [04:01]).

• Coming Out and Support Within the Mormon Community

  • Archuleta was “the smiley kid who never talked in school” before his abrupt rise to fame ([05:03]).
  • Came out publicly in 2021 as bisexual “but mostly attracted to men”; was surprised by how many in his church community faced similar struggles ([06:25]).
  • Quote: “It wasn’t just people my age. ... they would just say, thank you. ... so hard to live this way without being able to really share who I really am.” – David Archuleta ([06:25]).

• Church Leaders’ Reception and Heartbreak

  • Church leaders treated him as a “hero” post-Idol but were deeply uncomfortable discussing his sexuality.
  • Pivotal quote from a church elder:

    “I don’t need you to fix my problem. I just want you to listen to my experience.”
    — David Archuleta ([07:26])

  • After confiding, leaders told the elder “don’t talk to him anymore. What he’s saying is wrong.” Archuleta was told the elder needed to be “protected” from him—a source of deep disappointment ([08:05]).

• Leaving the Church & Family Support

  • Tells mother he’s leaving the Mormon church. Her reply:

    “I don't want to be somewhere where my children don’t feel loved…and if you’re going to hell, then we’re all going to hell with you.”
    — David Archuleta’s mother ([08:38])

  • This act of familial solidarity inspired his 2024 song “Hell Together” ([09:09]).

• Self-Acceptance Through Art

  • Singing with honesty became “like, such a release because you've held something for so many decades, all your life thinking that there's something wrong with you, and to finally have this, like, awakening…” ([09:57]).

• Memoir’s Message

  • Wrote the book to encourage others—whether leaving faith, coming out, or escaping harmful situations—to “be their authentic selves” and overcome people-pleasing ([10:57]).
  • Closing encouragement:

    “Rather than be devout to other external factors, to be devout to what was within, in my soul. That’s when I found the most growth and the most freedom and the most confidence in myself.”
    — David Archuleta ([11:34])

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Nostalgia & Surrealness:

  “It brings a lot of nostalgia and it's a bit surreal. ... it's fun to hear Randy singing along to my audition.”
  — David Archuleta ([03:47])

• Art as Therapy:

  "It’s liberating and it’s freeing... It’s like having a second chance at living again."
  — David Archuleta ([09:57])

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Segment 2: Lindy West’s “Adult Braces: Driving Myself Sane”

Interview with Leila Fadel
Timestamps: [14:16] – [20:48]

Key Discussion Points and Insights

• The Premise: Midlife Crisis and Transformation

  • After hitting her 40s and experiencing depression and a marriage crisis, West embarks on a solo cross-country road trip ([15:09]).
  • She describes the stigma of a woman’s midlife crisis as “not sexy ... just kind of threatening to the social order” ([15:09]).

• Polyamory, Marriage, and Emotional Growth

  • West’s marriage is tested as her husband pursues another relationship, bringing to a head a decade-long polyamory conversation ([15:51]).
  • Initial resistance gives way to letting go of “hyper control” and the discovery that “when you let go of control like that...it was the remedy to this sickness that I had been dealing with for my whole life” ([16:56]).
  • Clarity comes from “prioritizing my own life”—the key to saving the marriage ([17:54]).

• Embracing Unconventional Family and Happiness

  • Five years later, West, her husband, and their third partner live happily as a “throuple.” She laughs off the awkward label ([18:18]).
  • Quote:

    “I have a really beautiful, peaceful life that is full of love.”
    — Lindy West ([18:36])

• Vulnerability and Truth-Telling in Memoir

  • West wanted to move beyond earlier denial and write “something that is actually true” ([19:31]).
  • Writing public vulnerability pushes her to “let go and be brave”—she’s “addicted to that feeling” ([20:02]).
  • Quote:

    “I wanted to write something real that would let people know me in a way that was even truer than before.”
    — Lindy West ([20:21])

• On the Title: “Adult Braces”

  • Yes, she did get adult braces, as a literal and metaphorical touchpoint ([20:48], [20:51]).

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Polyamory:

  “I know this is not a prescription that I’m saying other people should [follow].... I’m really not [telling everyone to be polyamorous].”
  — Lindy West ([17:38])

• On Self-Prioritization:

  “My life is something that’s worth prioritizing. ... Prioritizing my own life is the key to saving this relationship.”
  — Lindy West ([17:54])

• On Public Vulnerability:

  “I got addicted to that feeling of kind of pushing myself and seeing what it felt like to let go and be brave.”
  — Lindy West ([20:02])

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Memorable Quotes & Timestamps

| Time | Speaker | Quote/Context | |-----------|------------------|--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | [06:25] | David Archuleta | “It is so hard to try and live this way without being able to really share who I am.”| | [08:38] | Mother of Archuleta | “If you’re going to hell, then we’re all going to hell with you.” | | [09:57] | David Archuleta | “It’s liberating and it’s freeing... It’s like having a second chance at living.” | | [15:09] | Lindy West | “If a woman has a midlife crisis, it inconveniences too many people. ... It’s just kind of threatening to the social order.” | | [18:36] | Lindy West | “I have a really beautiful, peaceful life that is full of love.” | | [20:21] | Lindy West | “I wanted to write something real that would let people know me in a way that was even truer than before.” |

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Key Takeaways

• Both memoirs explore the process of transformation and the courage to break with foundational elements—be it faith, family expectations, or societal norms.
• Archuleta’s journey is one of religious disaffiliation and coming out, emphasizing support, familial love, and the ongoing challenge of self-acceptance.
• West’s memoir is a witty, vulnerable examination of marriage, identity, and middle age, finding joy and stability in unexpected places.
• Honesty and vulnerability—both to oneself and to others—emerge as the tools for personal liberation and deeper connection.

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Recommended for listeners interested in:

• LGBTQ+ stories and faith transitions
• Candid examinations of marriage and polyamory
• Memoirs that blend humor, reflection, and resilience

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Transcript

[Indira Lakshmanan]

Hello there.

[Tim Bidermes]

It's NPR's Book of the Day. I'm Tim Bidermeus. Today, two memoirs that deal with letting go of something from the past. In a minute, we'll hear about Lindy West's adult braces. But first, in the early 2000s, David Archuleta was thrust into stardom on American Idol. Each week he appeared in the living rooms of millions of people, and he'd eventually go on to come in second in the competition and enjoy a pretty successful music career. But as Archuleta lived out his dream, he was dealing with a secret. His inner turmoil is the topic of his memoir, Devout Losing My Faith to Find Myself. He spoke about it with Here and Nows in Dear Lakshmanan.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

Support for this podcast and the following message come from Wayfair. Refresh your space this spring and make your home work better for you with Wayfair. Find furniture, decor and essentials that fit your unique style and budget with outdoor furniture, patio decor and lighter bedding. Installation and assembly services available. For a truly seamless experience, head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W a Y F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home this message comes from Angie. If you're tackling a home project, check out angie.com from roofing to remodels and everything in between, Angie connects you with skilled pros who do such a good job, you might trust them to do other things, like pull out your tooth or be your kid's godfather. Don't actually ask them to do those things, just let them get the job done. Well, Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find a pro for your [e-mail] that's a n g I.com Take yourself back

[Indira Lakshmanan]

to 2008, when American Idol was starting its seventh season. The reality singing contest was the biggest show on television, spawning massive pop stars like Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, and Jennifer Hudson. Each season starts with auditions when contestants sing before judges Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, and Randy Jackson, who determine who will go on to the next round. One of the contestants that year was a teenager from Murray, Utah, named David Archuleta.

[Tim Bidermes]

All right, so let's do it.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

What you gonna sing, man?

[David Archuleta]

I'm gonna sing Waiting on the World

to Change by John Mayer.

[Tim Bidermes]

Go for it.

[David Archuleta]

Me and my friends were all misunderstood they say we stand for nothing and there's no way we ever could he

[Indira Lakshmanan]

stumbles over the words a bit. And then something extraordinary happens. Randy Jackson starts singing along.

[David Archuleta]

Just feel like we don't have the means to rise above and be we keep waiting waiting waiting on the world to change we keep on waiting waiting waiting on the world to change it's hard to be persistent when we're standing at a distance we keep waiting, waiting, waiting on the world to change thank you.

[Indira Lakshmanan]

Archuleta got the green light from all three judges and he made it all the way to finals finishing in second place. He was adored by fans, but underneath it all, the young teen was struggling with his identity and his connection to the Mormon church. Archuleta is 35 years old now, and he's out with a new memoir called Losing My Faith to Find Myself, and he joins us now. David, welcome to Here and Now.

[David Archuleta]

Thank you, Indira. Good to be here.

[Indira Lakshmanan]

So you were just a kid when you rose to fame on American Idol almost 20 years ago. What is it like to hear yourself again as a young teenager? What feelings and memories does that bring up?

[David Archuleta]

It brings a lot of nostalgia and it's a bit surreal. I feel like I get to live the moment a little more now than I did back then, though. It's interesting, but it's fun to hear Randy singing along to my audition.

[Indira Lakshmanan]

Well, you ended up finishing in second place that season, and during the finale, you performed the hit song Apologize with the band One Republic. Let's listen. You look and sound so poised and polished in that performance. But we learn now from your memoir that you were struggling inside. You were raised in the Mormon church which forbids same sex relationships, but you write in your memoir that the first time you had feelings for a boy was as early as the second grade. So how are you dealing behind the scenes with those feelings while at the same time being catapulted into the national, even global spotlight at such a young age?

[David Archuleta]

I had a hard time because I was a very shy kid and I was homeschooled a lot of my life. And how I had adjusted and adapted to survive up until then was to just blend in and hide and not say anything. So I was known as. I was known as the smiley kid who never talked in school. And then to suddenly be thrown in front of everybody. I was like, wait, I'm used to hiding it and blending in and making sure no one sees me to then being. I couldn't hide anymore. But I think I did my best to just let my voice do the work and try to not be seen after that. But it was kind of hard to do that because then everyone was like, you're a teenage pop star. And all the Girls love you. And I was just like, oh, my go. But it was exciting and terrifying and thrilling all at once, and a lot

[Indira Lakshmanan]

of pressure on you. You know, you were still a teen. You didn't come out publicly as gay until many, many years later in 2021. By that time, you had already gained, perhaps coincidentally, a huge LGBTQ following over your eight studio albums. And all along you were going to the church. Five people in your own congregation wrote to you and shared that they were quee. What did it mean to you to find out that there were other Mormons like you?

[David Archuleta]

Yeah, well, I came out, like, on the spectrum of bisexual, but mostly attracted to men. And when I did come out publicly, I was surprised at how many people in my own congregation were going through the same thing that I was. And it wasn't just people my age. It was people who are older. It was people who are younger than me. And that I just never would have thought were going through what I had gone through. And they would just say, thank you. They're like, it is so hard to try and live this way without being able to really share who I really am. So I was just. I was pretty surprised by that.

[Indira Lakshmanan]

Of course, that public face of you coming out and saying you are bisexual, but leaning on the spectrum towards men. You know, that elides a huge period of time during which you were struggling within the church. You tried to talk to church elders about your sexuality and the church's views on same sex relationships. Tell us how those conversations went.

[David Archuleta]

Yeah, I became really close with the church leaders after American Idol because they looked at me as like a hero and a poster boy in a way. And when I shared with them finally that, hey, I think I might be gay, or I might be, I am attracted to men, they got really uncomfortable. And one in specific who was like, my grandpa. I sang at his wife's funeral and was invited to family dinners. He got really uncomfortable until I kind of just said, I don't need you to fix my problem. I just want you to listen to my experience. And he softened up so much. And he eventually said, you know, I never spoken to someone who is gay this in depth before. And so I. From my understanding, as soon as he spoke to the other brethren, the other world leaders, they just said, don't talk to him anymore. What he's saying is wrong. And I was told that I. That. That elder, I mean, basically needed to be protected from me, which I was like, after all I've been through with him, like, I was just shocked by that. And really disappointed.

[Indira Lakshmanan]

You decided to leave the Mormon Church, and you told your mother. What was the quote your mother said back to you?

[David Archuleta]

She said, I've decided to step away from the church. And I said, mom, you don't have to do that, because I already knew how hard it is to step away from your. What was your everything? And she said, I don't want to be somewhere where my children don't feel loved anym welcomed. And if you're going to hell, then we're all going to hell with you.

[Indira Lakshmanan]

Now, that's an incredible and loving sentiment to want to keep the family together. And your. Most of your siblings left the church, too, and that inspired your 2024 song Hell Together. Let's listen to some of that now.

[David Archuleta]

You said, if I have to live without you, I don't want to live forever and someone else is heaven so let them close the gates. Oh, if they don't like the way you made them there, not any better. The paradise is pressure together.

[Indira Lakshmanan]

You know, it is so much more meaningful to me to hear that song now, knowing the story behind it. When I first heard it, it's just another pop song. But now knowing that you're singing to your mom and about your mom saying, we're going to hell together, it's just. It really has a very deep meaning. And I wonder, how did it feel for you to finally show all of yourself in your songwriting?

[David Archuleta]

It. It's like, such a release because you've held something for so many decades, all your life thinking that there's something wrong with you, and to finally have this, like, awakening that there actually isn't something wrong with you and you can learn how to accept yourself. It's taken me time, and it's still taking me time to accept when I always believed I was supposed to reject and despise myself. And I was really good at doing that. I was good at it. It's liberating and it's freeing, and it's. It's like living. Having a second chance at living again.

[Indira Lakshmanan]

It's striking to me that you've described this journey as losing your faith to find yourself. And I'm thinking about how you thought about writing a memoir right after you came out publicly, but it took you five years to do this memoir. How did writing the book help you in the process of fully accepting yourself? And what do you want people who read the book to take away from it?

[David Archuleta]

I just hope that anyone, whether it's coming out as queer or transitioning out of religion or out of a family dynamic that could be harmful, that they are encouraged to take the courage to be their authentic selves and to free them from any people pleasing trying to let external factors decide for them what they feel is where they should go in their life. And I was a people pleaser. A lot of my problems and challenges in my book were from giving my agency and freedom away to other people to decide for me. And I had to learn how to rather than be devout to other external factors to be devout with to what was within in my soul. And that's when I found the most growth and the most freedom and the most confidence in myself. And I would. That's what I hope other people can take away and if nothing else, just to find some understanding for others around them. That's my really greatest plea too.

[Indira Lakshmanan]

David Archuleta is a singer songwriter who first graced our screens as a contestant on American Idol and he's since released nine studio albums. His latest is called Earthly Delights and he's out with his new memoir, Losing My Faith to Find Myself. David Archuleta, thank you so much.

[David Archuleta]

Thank you Indira.

[Indira Lakshmanan]

And to take us back, let's go out on your hit single Crush, which many people will remember hearing on the radio back in the summer of 2008.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

Support for this podcast and the following message come from Wayfair. Refresh your space this spring and make your home work better for you with Wayfair. Find furniture, decor and essentials that fit your unique style and budget with outdoor furniture, patio decor and lighter bedding, installation and assembly services available. For a truly seamless experience, head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W A Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair Every style, every Home this message comes from Angie. If you're tackling a home project, check out angie.com from roofing to remodels and everything in between, Angie connects you with skilled pros who do such a good job you might trust them to do other things, like pull out your tooth or be your kid's godfather. Don't actually ask them to do those things, just let them get the job done well. Angie the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find a pro for your [e-mail] that's a n g I.com Next up, adult

[Tim Bidermes]

Braces by Lindy West. You may recognize that name from her wildly popular book Shrill, which was also adapted into a hit TV show. It was a collection of essays about feminism and body image. Now west is turning her celebrated wittiness and humor towards something more personal. The realization that her husband had entered into a relationship with another woman. So she takes a road trip, as one does, to reflect and reassess her life. She tells Morning Edition host Leila Fadel what she learned along the way.

[Leila Fadel]

You might know our next guest from her hit Hulu series, Shrill, based on her collection of essays by the same name, which chronicled the life of a young journalist struggling with self image, dating, and her career.

[David Archuleta]

Let's see, I got my lotion and my gu and my shoelaces for my brown shoes. And could I also get the morning after pill? Hey, Nick, do we sell the morning after pill?

[Lindy West]

Oh, oh, that's okay. We don't need to bother. Nick.

[Leila Fadel]

Lindy West's latest book, Adult Braces. Driving Myself Sane is a shift. She's in her 40s, she's in the throes of a deep depression, her marriage is on the rocks, and her sense of self is, well, hanging on by a thread. So she decides something has to change and she takes a solo cross country road trip that becomes the foundation for this endearing and hilarious memoir.

[Lindy West]

I just think that if a woman has a midlife crisis, it inconveniences too many people. And so it's not sexy and it's not interesting. It's just kind of threatening to the social order or something. So I went to my husband and I said, I think I need to rent a van and go on a road trip and drive to Florida and go to Kokomo and lie down. Is that okay? To my surprise, my husband said, go, go, go. You gotta go. Go do it. And so I did, and I drove all the way to Florida in a van.

[Leila Fadel]

By yourself?

[David Archuleta]

By myself.

[Leila Fadel]

What was going on in your life where you were like, I need to do this thing for myself?

[Lindy West]

So the backstory is we finished shooting the second season of Shrill, and then just a couple days after I got home, I found out that my husband had a girlfriend or had been dating someone else. And we were technically not strictly monogamous. We had sort of a don't ask, don't tell policy. But basically this sort of non monogamy polyamory conversation that my husband had been trying to have with me for a decade, it came home to roost. And you had to face it. Yeah, I had to finally face was something that we both wanted to fight for and try to figure out. And people find this hard to understand and they think that I must be rationalizing or trying to convince myself to do Something that I don't actually want to do. When I finally sort of acquiesce to polyamory, or I don't want to say acquiesce, because that sounds.

[Leila Fadel]

And that's not how it comes off in the book, is like. Because in the beginning, you have this extreme resistance.

[Lindy West]

Yeah, definitely. But once we actually started to try it out, and I let go a little bit of this hyper control, which is what I thought was gonna make me happy. When you let go of control like that and you just trust that this person does love you, it was the remedy to this sickness that I had been dealing with for my whole life. And in fact, we loved each other so much better because we didn't have the resentment anymore, and we didn't have the constant fear and anxiety and jealousy and. And self doubt. So it. I know this is not a prescription that I'm saying other people should know.

[Leila Fadel]

You're not telling everyone to be polyamorous.

[Lindy West]

I'm really not. I'm really not. And people kind of act like I am, and I'm not.

[Leila Fadel]

What did you do that allowed you to get to a place that made you happier than you were before?

[Lindy West]

It wasn't a process of letting go so much as turning towards something else, which was my own life, and remembering that my life is something that's worth prioritizing. And in fact, prioritizing my own life is the key to saving this relationship,

[Leila Fadel]

coming back from that. What is life like these days? Because it does feel like you're, like, on the other side.

[Lindy West]

So now, five years later, actually, my husband and I have a third partner. We are the unfortunately named throuple, which I. You don't like that name? It's not an elegant term.

[Indira Lakshmanan]

I wish there was something else.

[Lindy West]

It's not what I would have picked. But you know what? You gotta just embrace it. We live, all three of us together in a log cabin in the woods in Washington, and we have a nice little life. And people can say, oh, my gosh, you're being, you know, mistreated by this evil, horny man or whatever. But that's not what my life looks like. I have a really beautiful, peaceful life that is full of love.

[Leila Fadel]

You're no stranger to telling personal stories, being vulnerable, but I think there's, like, a particular vulnerability about this memoir.

[Lindy West]

Definitely.

[Leila Fadel]

I just wonder what you're thinking as it goes out into the world and people are gonna be reading this journey that you took to get to this place that makes you happy and that you want the world to understand I

[Lindy West]

came to the realization that I do really wanna be known. I think that the process of going through all this with my marriage made me realize that a lot of things that I had written about myself in previous books were, in fact coming from this place of denial. And so once I started to realize that, I thought, you know, I want to write something that is actually true. You know, I'm really candid and shrill, and that was true at the time. And I'm sure things in this book, Adult Braces, will prove to be, you know, off the mark, down the line. But I got addicted to that feeling of kind of pushing myself and seeing what it felt like to let go and be brave. And so I, I just wanted to try it, and I wanted to write something real that would let people know me in a way that was even truer than before.

[Leila Fadel]

Lindy West's new memoir is Adult Driving Myself Sane. Thank you for speaking with us.

[Lindy West]

Thank you so much.

[Leila Fadel]

And we should mention, you did get adult braces.

[Lindy West]

I sure did.

[Leila Fadel]

I didn't even talk about that part.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

I know.

[Lindy West]

Yes, I sure did.

[Indira Lakshmanan]

Don't worry about me.

[David Archuleta]

I'm doing good.

[Tim Bidermes]

And that's it for this week on NPR's Book of the Day. If you want more, you can sign up for our [e-mail] Newsletter Books. I'm Tim Bidermes. This podcast is produced by Chloe Weiner and Ivy Buck and edited by Megan Sullivan. Our founding editor is is Petra Maier. The show elements for this week were produced and edited by Mallory Yu, Lauren Hodges, Gabriel Sanchez, Patrick Jaranwantanan, William Troup, Dave Mitzik, Jacob Fensten, Lindsay Toddi, Adriana Gallardo, Samantha Rafelson, Michaela Rodriguez, and Julie Deppenbrock. Yolanda Sanguini is our executive producer. Thank you so much for listening.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

This message comes from Schwab. Everyone has moments when they could have done better, like cutting their own hair or forgetting sunscreen. So now you look like a tomato. Same goes for where you invest. Level up and invest smarter with Schwab. Get market insights, education and human help when you need it. Learn [e-mail] this message comes from Angie. If you're tackling a home project, check out angie.com from roofing to remodels and everything in between, Angie connects you with skilled pros who do such a good job, you might trust them to do other things, like pull out your tooth or be your kid's godfather. Don't actually ask them to do those things, just let them get the job done. Well Angie the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find a pro for your [e-mail] that's a n g I.com this message comes

[Indira Lakshmanan]

from EasyCater, the workplace food platform. EZCater helps organizations order food from favorite restaurants, meet dietary needs, and stay on budget with employee meal programs, flexible payment options, and 247 customer support all on one platform. Learn [e-mail].