NPR's Book of the Day — “Loved One”: Navigating Ambiguous Loss and Unlikely Friendship

Host: Juana Summers (NPR)
Guest: Aisha Muhar, author of Loved One
Date: August 27, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, NPR’s Book of the Day dives into Aisha Muhar’s debut novel, Loved One, a poignant and elegant narrative exploring the complexity of ambiguous grief and the nuanced relationships left in its wake. The conversation centers on the novel’s protagonist, Julia, whose journey through loss is thrown into relief against a backdrop of unresolved friendship, sudden death, and the formation of an unusual bond with another mourner. Host Juana Summers and Muhar discuss how grief becomes an ever-present but subtly woven theme, the creative intentions behind this literary approach, and the impact of friendship and uncertainty on both life and mourning.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Introduction to Loved One and Ambiguous Loss

• Julia, a thirty-year-old woman, is thrust into grief at the funeral of her former boyfriend and enduring friend, Gabe.
• The opening scene is intentionally disorienting, blurring the lines between wedding and funeral, mirroring the confusion of sudden loss:

  “This perpetual wedding season was such a well-known truth about people our age…by anyone’s estimation, it would have been more likely I was speaking at the happiest day of his life.” (Aisha Muhar reading from the novel, 01:47)

What Is Ambiguous Loss?

• Muhar emphasizes the unique challenge of ambiguous loss—the kind of grief riddled with unanswered questions, silence, and unresolved feelings:

  “Ambiguous loss is different from just a standard loss…someone dies and things are left unsaid, or there’s a sudden rupture. It’s hard to find closure and resolve issues in a relationship when the other person has passed away.” (Aisha Muhar, 02:34–03:19)

• Juana Summers (03:19) expands on this universality, noting how many wrestle with endings that are never clearly defined.

The Allure of Uncertainty, Humor, and Life

• Muhar intentionally infuses her exploration of grief with levity, everyday distractions, and humor rather than overwhelming sadness:

  “I wanted to write a book about grief that would not further depress people…to include moments of joy and lightness and humor in it.” (Aisha Muhar, 03:42)

• Insight: The experience of loss is not monolithic—life’s everyday rhythms and surprises continue, often in jarring contrast to sorrow.

The Dynamic Between Julia and Elizabeth

• At Gabe’s funeral, Julia meets Elizabeth—a woman seven years older, accomplished, blunt, sober, and British. Their relationship quickly becomes central to the story’s progression and Julia’s quest for understanding herself and her past with Gabe:

  “Elizabeth…says to her, when Julia goes to introduce herself, ‘I know exactly who you are, and I know who you were to Gabe.’…Maybe she does know something.” (Aisha Muhar, 04:32)

• The tension between Julia’s need for answers and Elizabeth’s directness pushes both women towards confronting their feelings and the ambiguous truths Gabe left behind.

Portraying Grief Without Centering It

• Muhar’s intent was to keep direct conversation about grief sparse, allowing lived experience to depict mourning’s impact:

  “I wanted to write something that was about loss but was very much centered in life…because the other thing about loss is that life does go on around you, as difficult as it may be.” (Aisha Muhar, 05:42)

• She discusses using dialogue and character dynamics to keep grief beneath the surface—much like real life.

Author’s Personal Relationship with Grief

• Muhar’s writing was shaped by her own losses, including several close deaths and the disorienting era of the pandemic:

  “I started writing the book after I’d experienced loss in my own life…a season where I lost four people close to me…And as life goes on, there were other losses.” (Aisha Muhar, 07:07)

• Discussion on the misinterpretation of the “five stages of grief,” often applied to mourners rather than the dying (as originally intended by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross).
• Muhar reframes grief as a “long journey to feel a feeling,” emphasizing its nonlinear, often unexpected progression.

Interpersonal Connections as Vessels for Understanding

• As the novel unfolds, Julia’s complicated friendship with Elizabeth becomes a mirror—and sometimes a window—into the different ways Gabe was experienced and remembered:

  “If you were in a room with someone who had dated someone you had dated, or if one of your exes was in a room with another…Would they agree about who you are as a person?...just being around Elizabeth causes Julia to look at Gabe in a different way.” (Aisha Muhar, 08:51)

• This triangulation provides both characters (and readers) insight into love, memory, and self-discovery.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Grief’s Indirectness:
  “I wanted to write something that was about loss but was very much centered in life…someone’s asking you what you want for dinner. And it goes back and forth.”
  — Aisha Muhar, 05:42

• On Ambiguous Loss:
  “It’s hard to find closure and resolve issues in a relationship when the other person has passed away.”
  — Aisha Muhar, 03:14

• On Experiencing Grief:
  “I thought of Julia’s story as a long journey to feel a feeling. Because it can take a while to fully feel everything that grief brings up.”
  — Aisha Muhar, 07:58

• On Relationships After Loss:
  “Just being around Elizabeth causes Julia to look at Gabe in a different way. Because this is someone who’s had a completely different experience with him.”
  — Aisha Muhar, 09:20

Timestamps of Key Segments

• Opening & Theme Introduction: 00:02–01:33
• Setup of Julia and Gabe’s Story: 01:33–02:13
• Defining Ambiguous Loss: 02:23–03:19
• Joy and Humor Amid Grief: 03:42–04:23
• Julia and Elizabeth’s Dynamic: 04:32–05:28
• Portraying Grief Subtly: 05:28–06:55
• Author's Experience and Research on Grief: 07:07–08:32
• Interpersonal Insights and Moving Forward: 08:51–09:37
• Conclusion and Thanks: 09:37–09:42

Takeaway

Aisha Muhar’s Loved One gives voice to complicated, often unspoken experiences of grief—especially when tinged with uncertainty, unresolved feelings, and the surprising connections forged in loss’s wake. With a deft blend of subtlety, humor, and piercing emotional observation, Loved One invites readers (and listeners) to find meaning where clarity is elusive and to celebrate the irregular, sometimes contradictory path toward healing.