‘Misbehaving at the Crossroads’ is a lesson in the complexity of reconciliation

Summary

NPR's Book of the Day — ‘Misbehaving at the Crossroads’ by Honorée Fanonne Jeffers

Date: September 10, 2025
Host: Andrew Limbong
Guest: Honorée Fanonne Jeffers (author)
Interviewer: Juana Summers

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Episode Overview

This episode features poet and novelist Honorée Fanonne Jeffers discussing her memoir, Misbehaving at the Crossroads, with NPR’s Juana Summers. The discussion centers on the complexities of forgiveness and reconciliation, especially within fraught family dynamics. Jeffers draws from her own experiences reconciling with her parents, especially her mother, after a long estrangement, exploring themes of Black womanhood, generational trauma, and personal healing.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Crossroads as Metaphor (02:03–02:25)

• Intersectionality and Black Womanhood:
  Jeffers describes the ‘crossroads’ as the place where trouble meets possibility, particularly as it relates to the layered experiences of Black women.
  • Quote: “You are at a place where trouble meets possibility. For me, the notion of the crossroads is the notion of intersectionality of Black women.” (Jeffers, 02:10)

Honoring Her Mother’s Resilience (02:25–03:32)

• Background of Dr. Trellie Lee James Jefferson:
  Jeffers recounts her mother’s journey from an abandoned slave shack to academic excellence and describes both her mother’s strength and their complicated family life.
  • Quote: “Mama was literally born in an abandoned slave shack... she lost an eye in a tragic childhood accident, and she still went on to graduate as valedictorian... After Daddy passed away, she went back and she earned a doctorate. So she was really very extraordinary.” (Jeffers, 02:48)

Reconciling with Her Father’s Legacy (03:32–05:23)

• Abuse and Its Aftermath:
  Jeffers speaks candidly about her father’s alternating kindness and cruelty, his abuse, and the nuanced understanding she came to as an adult, acknowledging societal pressures on Black men as well as the pain and harm suffered.
  • Quote: “I understood that what he did wasn’t right, but I knew he had been a wounded person, and there was no space for him to heal... I didn’t want to feel sorry for him as a little girl, but I did.” (Jeffers, 03:58)

Caregiving and Estrangement (05:23–06:31)

• Caring for Her Mother with Dementia:
  Jeffers reflects on stepping into the role of caregiver for her mother, despite their years of estrangement, describing the challenges and her motivation to bring moments of comfort and joy.
  • Quote: “There’s no halo around my head. Mom and I had been estranged, and what I really wanted to do is to bring her comfort and, like, joy during this time.” (Jeffers, 05:45)

Collard Greens: A Moment of Connection (06:31–07:20)

• Food, Memory, and Maternal Bonds:
  With humor and vulnerability, Jeffers describes the touching moment when she cooked collard greens for her mother, achieving her approval and experiencing an emotional breakthrough.
  • Quote: “It was a running joke in my family that I couldn’t cook collard greens. ...When I brought it to her, she said, ‘This pot liquor is excellent.’ That’s the broth of the collard greens. ...I sat in my car and I cried. I was so happy because I just wanted to make my mama happy.” (Jeffers, 06:31)

On Writing After Loss (07:38–09:46)

• Freedom and Telling Hard Truths:
  Summers asks if the passing of both parents made it easier to write honestly. Jeffers explains that at first, she felt guilt and compulsion to share her story, but through connecting with others' similar experiences, she found peace and joy in reconciliation.
  • Quote: “I had to just keep talking about how we had been estranged because I felt so guilty... And so I began to think about, you know, we have a saying in the black church: Let me encourage you. ...I know that I have a joy and a peace that I never thought possible... and it’s because of that reconciliation.” (Jeffers, 07:58)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the metaphor of the crossroads:
  “For me, the notion of the crossroads is the notion of intersectionality of Black women.” (Jeffers, 02:10)
• On understanding her father’s abuse:
  “What he did wasn't right, but I knew he had been a wounded person, and there was no space for him to heal, because there is this role that black men are expected to inhabit...” (Jeffers, 03:58)
• On cooking for her mother:
  “When I brought it to her, she said, ‘This pot liquor is excellent.’...and I cried. I was so happy because I just wanted to make my mama happy.” (Jeffers, 06:31)
• On reconciliation:
  “I don’t know if people want to take from my story that, okay, you must reconcile with your parents...But I know that I have a joy and a peace that I never thought possible... and it’s because of that reconciliation.” (Jeffers, 07:58)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening reflections by Andrew Limbong: 00:02–00:56
• Discussion of crossroads & Black womanhood: 02:03–02:25
• Mother’s biography & strength: 02:25–03:32
• Father’s abuse and family dynamics: 03:32–05:23
• Caregiving for mother with dementia: 05:23–06:31
• Cooking collard greens/moment of connection: 06:31–07:20
• Exploring guilt, writing, and reconciliation: 07:38–09:46

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Tone & Style

The conversation is deeply personal, candid, and reflective, laced with both pain and moments of healing humor. Jeffers’s language is direct yet poetic, embodying honesty without prescriptiveness, and is underpinned by empathy for both her parents and herself.

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Conclusion

Misbehaving at the Crossroads is a nuanced exploration of forgiveness, trauma, and the winding path to personal peace. Through the lens of her own family and the specific context of Black womanhood, Honorée Fanonne Jeffers offers listeners not moral prescription, but a testament to complexity, vulnerability, and the unpredictable ways reconciliation and joy can arrive.

Transcript

[Andrew Limbong]

Hey, it's NPR's Book of the Day. I'm Andrew Limbong. There was this talk show back in the late 90s called forgive or Forget. Someone would come on and talk about how they wronged a loved one or a family member. And then there was a big reveal where there's a closed door, and if the wronged party walked through the door, it meant they were ready to forgive. And if not, well, you get the point. If only forgiveness and actually worked like that was actually that black and white Henri found in Jeffers memoir Misbehaving at the Crossroads is a lesson in how complicated and thorny forgiveness can be. The book is in part about coming to terms with the actions of her parents, but she tells NPR's Juana Summers that the book isn't some morality lesson telling you to make amends with your loved ones. It's just what happened when she finally decided to walk through that door herself. That's ahead.

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[Interviewer (Juana Summers)]

Jeffers writes about the unique position of Black women. In her latest book, she describes what it means to be at the crossroads.

[Honore Fanon Jeffers]

You are at a place where trouble meets possibility. For me, the notion of the crossroads is the notion of intersectionality of Black women.

[Interviewer (Juana Summers)]

In Misbehaving at the Crossroads, Honore Fanon Jeffers excavates memories of her childhood, including her father's abuse and her mother's challenges in protecting her from it. She also weaves together history, political commentary and poetry, all centering Black American women. When I spoke with her, I asked her to Describe her mother, Dr. Trellie Lee James Jefferson.

[Honore Fanon Jeffers]

Mama was literally born in an abandoned slave shack. She lost an eye in a tragic childhood accident, and she still went on to graduate as valedictorian of her class. She won a scholarship to Spelman College. When she left Spelman, she came back to her hometown of Eatonton, Georgia. And then she and my father married. It was a troubled marriage. And then after daddy passed away, she went back and she earned a doctorate. So she was really very extraordinary.

[Interviewer (Juana Summers)]

You also write a good deal about your father and how, as you put it, he could so easily flicker from kind to cruel. And you wrote that up until you were putting together what became this book, that the memory of your father and his emotional, physical, and sexual abuse continued to affect both your mental and spiritual health. What allowed you to free yourself from that affecting you?

[Honore Fanon Jeffers]

I think what began to happen is that I understood that what he did wasn't right, But I knew he had been a wounded person, and there was no space for him to heal, because there is this role that black men are expected to inhabit. Stoic, strong, protectors. And so when you are forced to inhabit that role, there's no room for your vulnerability. But I remember those horrible arguments, which sometimes were physically abusive, but many times, just Daddy just saying horrible things to mama and her, you know, screaming back and stuff. And my sisters and I would be gathered around the. You know, the vent, and we would hear things, and then he would burst into tears, and there would be this rusty aching in his voice. And I didn't want to feel sorry for him as a little girl, but I did.

[Interviewer (Juana Summers)]

Yeah. Your book ends with some journal entries from 2023, after you were caring for your mother, who had early dementia. And when we read your entries, we learn about how her consciousness and her tether to the world around her sort of ebbs and flows. What was that time like for you, stepping into that caregiving role for her?

[Honore Fanon Jeffers]

It was very difficult. And let me just say this, you know, because there's no halo around my head. Mom and I had been estranged, and what I really wanted to do is to bring her comfort and, like, joy during this time. And so mama had been a modern dancer when she was in college, so we would watch little snippets of the Alvin Ailey Dance Theater, and I would remind her that she had been a dancer.

[Interviewer (Juana Summers)]

You also cooked for her, too. I know.

[Honore Fanon Jeffers]

Oh, yeah, that was something, because it was a running joke in my family that I couldn't cook collard greens. Mm. But I prayed over it. I prayed real, real strong. And then I went on Facebook and I asked Some of the sisters, you know, the black women. And then one afternoon, I just took the whole afternoon and I made those collard greens and I made cornbread to go. And then when I brought it to her, she said, this pot liquor is excellent. That's the broth of the collard greens. And, oh, then I sat. When I left, I sat in my car and I cried. I was so happy because I just wanted to make my mama happy.

[Interviewer (Juana Summers)]

I have to tell you, when I was reading that part of your story, I almost burst into tears because there's nothing that reminds me of home more than eating my mother's greens. And I could never do them justice. So I can imagine the pressure you were feeling to get them right.

[Honore Fanon Jeffers]

It was so much pressure. It was a lot of pressure.

[Interviewer (Juana Summers)]

You know, it occurred to me as I was reading that at the point that you've published this book and written this and revisited all these memories, your mother, your father had both passed. Did that in any way make you feel more free to explore all of this, to write these truths down?

[Honore Fanon Jeffers]

At first, no. But when I took over Mama's care, I would run into complete strangers. And it was almost like the rhyme of the Ancient Mariner. I had to just keep talking about how we had been estranged because I felt so guilty, you know, and then people began to share with me. You know, I haven't talked to my mama in three years. You know, I was abused as a child. And, you know, and it's real interesting, you know, you sharing the most personal details of your life with complete strangers. And so I began to think about, you know, we have a saying in the black church. Let me encourage you. I don't know if people want to take from my story that, okay, you must reconcile with your parents. Because if somebody had told me that Mama and I would have come together, I would have laughed in their face. But I know that I have a joy and a peace that I never thought possible. I'm sorry. And it's because of that reconciliation. So, you know, maybe.

[Interviewer (Juana Summers)]

Honore Fanon Jeffers, her book Misbehaving at the Crossroads is out now. Thank you so much.

[Honore Fanon Jeffers]

Thank you so much for having me.

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