'Paper Doll' documents trans TikTok creator Dylan Mulvaney's journey through girlhood

Summary

NPR's Book of the Day: Exploring "Paper Doll" by Dylan Mulvaney

Host: Andrew Limbong
Guest: Dylan Mulvaney
Episode Title: "Paper Doll" documents trans TikTok creator Dylan Mulvaney's journey through girlhood
Release Date: April 23, 2025

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Introduction to "Paper Doll" and Dylan Mulvaney's Story

In this episode of NPR's Book of the Day, host Andrew Limbong introduces Dylan Mulvaney's memoir, Paper Doll: Notes from a Late Bloomer. Mulvaney, a transgender social media personality known for her TikTok journey, shares her experiences navigating fame, transition, and the challenges of being a public figure in today’s cultural landscape.

Dylan's Personal Journey and Early Life

Dylan Mulvaney's journey towards embracing her identity began at a young age. As a child, she grappled with understanding her gender identity:

"When I was 4 years old, I told my mother that I thought God might have made a mistake, that God had put a girl in a boy's body."
— Dylan Mulvaney (01:50)

Her mother reassured her, saying, "God doesn't make mistakes," but it wasn't until Dylan was 25 that she fully embraced her identity as a transgender woman. Prior to that, Dylan had come out as gay at 14 and identified as non-binary at 24.

Embracing Social Media: The Birth of Her TikTok Series

Opting for a different approach, Dylan chose to share her transition journey through humor and relatability on TikTok rather than a dramatic coming out video:

"I had done those before, this was my third time coming out and I felt like I needed to find the funny."
— Dylan Mulvaney (02:16)

Her TikTok series quickly resonated with many supporters but also attracted significant backlash, turning her into a focal point in the broader culture war surrounding transgender issues.

Navigating Fame: The "Beer Gate" Incident

One of the pivotal moments in Dylan's public life was her partnership with Bud Light, which led to what she refers to as "Beer Gate." This collaboration brought her immense visibility but also severe online harassment and threats:

"I talk about it in the book like dark thoughts, and I write them sometimes as little bubbles that look like black clouds. But they were very real, and they were not just an illustration in my life. They were, you know, they showed up as suicidal ideation and dissociation."
— Dylan Mulvaney (05:18)

This period was marked by intense scrutiny and vitriol, leading Dylan to reflect deeply on her mental health and the toll of public life.

Mental Health and Personal Resilience

Dylan candidly discusses the impact of public backlash on her mental health, including dark thoughts and suicidal ideation. She expresses regret over not seeking immediate mental health support during the crisis:

"I wish that I'd stepped away to get mental health treatment in the immediate aftermath of what happened then."
— Juana Summers (05:50)

Despite these challenges, Dylan emphasizes her growth and the importance of setting personal boundaries:

"I needed to make sure that the decisions I was making on behalf of me and my body were my own."
— Dylan Mulvaney (06:07)

Faith and Identity: Reconciling Religion with Trans Identity

Raised in the church and attending Catholic school, Dylan explores the complex relationship between her faith and her transgender identity. She acknowledges the beauty she finds in both her transness and spirituality:

"I do believe in something bigger than me and that my transness is not something to be ashamed of in that there were no mistakes made when I was created and that this is just part of my story."
— Dylan Mulvaney (07:07)

Dylan addresses the misuse of religion against queer and trans people, advocating for a more inclusive understanding of faith.

Maintaining Optimism: Embracing "Sweet Earnestness"

Throughout her journey, Dylan holds onto a sense of earnestness and optimism, striving to focus on the positive aspects of life despite adversities:

"Whenever I've tried the pessimistic thing, it just doesn't feel as good... A thousand and one great things are possible and have already happened. And that's. I'm just gonna go chase a thousand and two because I don't think I'm interested in living this life for anything but constant discovery and seeing what a new day can bring."
— Dylan Mulvaney (08:10)

This philosophy underpins her approach to both her personal life and her writing.

Looking Ahead: Future Aspirations and Representation

Dylan shares her hopes for the future, both for herself and the broader transgender community. She aspires to create more nuanced representations of trans people in media, moving beyond stereotypes:

"I would love to write something where a trans person is finding joy and isn't just a victim on Law and Order. I think we need to find us everywhere in all forms of media, not just the rage bait."
— Dylan Mulvaney (08:54)

Additionally, she expresses a desire for safety and acceptance for trans individuals in society.

Conclusion: The Essence of "Paper Doll"

Paper Doll: Notes from a Late Bloomer offers an intimate look into Dylan Mulvaney's life, capturing her triumphs, struggles, and unwavering spirit. Through her memoir, Dylan invites readers to understand the multifaceted experiences of a transgender woman navigating a world filled with both support and adversity.

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Notable Quotes:

• "I have already cried three times. I wrote a scathing email that I did not send."
  — Dylan Mulvaney (02:28)

• "Transness, right now, it's being seen as this very villainous thing. It almost feels like Godzilla taking over the world."
  — Dylan Mulvaney (03:23)

• "There were no mistakes made when I was created and that this is just part of my story."
  — Dylan Mulvaney (07:07)

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Dylan Mulvaney's memoir is a testament to resilience and the pursuit of authentic self-expression. Paper Doll not only chronicles her personal journey but also serves as a beacon of hope and understanding for the transgender community and its allies.

Transcript

[Andrew Limbong]

Hey, it's NPR's Book of the Day. I'm Andrew Limbong. Today's interview was a reminder to me, and maybe will be to you, that people who get caught in the middle of Internet pylons are real human people. I remember when Dylan Mulvaney, a transgender social media personality, got all this hate for doing a bit of content featuring Bud Light a few years back and all of a sudden she became a sort of proxy in the greater culture war around trans people. And I KN it must have been bad for her, but I didn't realize how bad. She writes about it in her new memoir, Paper Doll Notes from a Late Bloomer, and in this interview with NPR's Juana Summers. They talk about what happened then, but also how she manages to hold onto a bit of earnestness in spite of it all. That's ahead.

[Juana Summers]

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[Juana Summers]

4 years old, she told her mother that she thought God might have made a mistake, that God had put a girl in a boy's body. Dylan's mother responded that God doesn't make mistakes. It would be years before Dylan officially embraced her identity as a transgender woman when she was 25 after coming out as gay at 14 and non binary at 24. Which is why she didn't feel like going the route of the dramatic coming out video.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I had done those before, this was my third time coming out and I felt like I needed to find the funny.

[Juana Summers]

So Dylan took to TikTok to post her light hearted take on the way she was figuring out what it meant to live as a girl.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Day one of being a girl and I have already cried three times. I wrote a scathing email that I Did not send. I ordered dresses online that I couldn't afford. And then when someone asked me how I was, I said, I'm fine, when I wasn't fine. I really didn't expect it to turn into a series until there was, you know, many supporters, but many hateful comments. And I wanted to show those people that I had many layers to me and that there were other more, you know, nuanced versions for them to see. And then it became sort of this way to track not only my journey, but, you know, to share a little bit of trans joy, which I think now the book is an extension of that joy.

[Juana Summers]

That new book is Paper Doll Notes from a Late Bloomer. It's a memoir of Mulvaney's explosive fame, documenting her transition and all the highs and lows that came with it and a warning. This interview mentioned suicide.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I think that I didn't know how to get to where like a Laverne Cox, you know, was. These icons. Dominique Jackson, our Lady J, who's now a dear mentor and friend. I wasn't sure how to get to where these icons were in their transitions. And so I really wanted to take people along that journey. And, you know, transness, right now, it's being seen as this very villainous thing. It almost feels like Godzilla taking over the world. And yet we're less than 1% of the population, and most of the community is really struggling to get the care that they deserve and that they need. And so my documentation of it and my experience of, you know, obtaining that care so easily and having these opportunities isn't quite as reflective as the general community is. But I really hope that one day it will be that. That, you know, every trans person feels like they have the opportunity to thrive.

[Juana Summers]

There's an incident that happened back in 2023 that you call Beer Gate, and I want to get into all of that. It's been covered a lot. But I want to briefly recap for folks. Back In April of 2023, you posted this sponsored video for the company Bud Light.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

This month, I celebrated my day365 of womanhood. And Bud Light sent me possibly the best gift ever, a can with my face on it.

[Juana Summers]

And that led to this really big backlash. Conservatives boycotted the band. Some people may recall the musician Kid Rock posting this video of himself. He was online shooting Bud Light cases. You were also the subject of some ugly vitriol online, some violent threats. You've talked about this in the book, and I know that you've spoken about about this before, but I just want to know, what is it that you want people to understand about what that time in your life was like for you, how you experienced it?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I. I talk about it in the book like dark thoughts, and I write them sometimes as little bubbles that look like black clouds. But they were very real, and they were not just an illustration in my life. They were, you know, they showed up as suicidal ideation and dissociation and. And I think, you know, so often when you're seen as such a classically happy person that people don't really account for that. But behind the scenes, I was. I was hurting in a way that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

[Juana Summers]

You wrote about the fact that you wished that you'd stepped away to get mental health treatment in the immediate aftermath of what happened then. I wonder, having gone through that experience and now being at a very different point in your life, what did it teach you about yourself? What did you learn about yourself?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Well, not only what I learned about myself. I think what I learned about the world is that especially when it comes to women in the public eye so often we are not allowed to create boundaries. We're not allowed to ask for what we need because of how we're treated. And I think I learned that in that moment I needed to take my transition back for. For my own self, and that this wasn't up to anyone else, whether that's the government or my followers or, you know, branded companies. I. I needed to make sure that the decisions I was making on behalf of me and my body were my own.

[Juana Summers]

Shifting gears a bit. I know that you grew up in the church and going to Catholic school, and I also did. And I know that for me, in my adulthood, faith is a thing that I've just. I've struggled to figure out where I land, and that seems to be something that you and I share. And you, yes, you talk about in the book, about how the religion and the church that you were brought up in doesn't really fit anymore. What's your relationship with your faith today?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, you know, I. I see so much beauty, not only in transness, but in so much of the world, even during this really, really dark, dark time. And I think so often people are using religion against queer and trans people in a really ugly way. But I also see in honor why queer and trans folks are. Are deeply triggered by some of these things. So, you know, I kind of tried to hide the peas in the mashed potatoes of the book of letting people know that I do, you know, believe in Something bigger than me and that my transness is not something to be ashamed of in that there were no mistakes made when I was created and that this is just part of my story. And even though it looks a little different than most women's.

[Juana Summers]

You write to the reader in the opening of this book that I need you to believe that sweet earnestness still exists. And Dylan, that is just something that from everything I've seen and everything I've heard that you seem to embody, how is it that you manage to hold on to that?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Whenever I've tried the pessimistic thing, it just doesn't feel as good. And I've arrived at this place of a thousand bad things can go down and they can try to make me into a pessimist. But at the end of the day, a thousand and one great things are possible and have already happened. And that's. I'm just gonna go chase a thousand and two because I don't think I'm interested in living this life for anything but constant discovery and seeing what a new day can bring. And that might sound so silly, but I would like to believe that we can live that way.

[Juana Summers]

Now, Dylan, what do you hope comes next for you? What are you looking for in your next chapter?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, gosh, I would love to feel safe, you know, in. In my country, I would love to watch other trans people thriving and given the opportunities that I have and not met with such ridicule, my next writing project I've given myself is a rom com. I'd love to write something where a trans person is finding joy and isn't just a victim on Law and Order. I think we need to find find us everywhere in all forms of media, not just the rage bait.

[Juana Summers]

We've been speaking with Dylan Mulvaney. Her memoir, Paper Doll Notes from a Late Bloomer is out now. Dylan, thank you so much.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Thank you. This was so lovely.

[Juana Summers]

If you or someone you love is experiencing a Crisis, call or text 988 for the suicide and crisis lifeline.

[Andrew Limbong]

No one is alone.

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