Aisling Bea (Tasting Menu – Live at the Royal Albert Hall)

Summary

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster

Tasting Menu – Live at the Royal Albert Hall: Aisling Bea (June 22, 2026)

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Episode Overview

In this lively bonus live episode of Off Menu, comedians Ed Gamble and James Acaster kick off their Royal Albert Hall tasting menu series by bringing back a fan-favorite guest: the brilliant Irish comedian and actor Aisling Bea. The twist? Instead of picking her own dream meal, Aisling must react to – and potentially stomach – the off-menu choices of another beloved guest: Josh Widdicombe. Expect chaos, proper laughs, food chat, surreal tangents, and plenty of trademark Off Menu nonsense as Aisling embraces the unpredictable challenge at the iconic venue.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Show Format & The Royal Albert Hall Live Specials

• Ed and James explain the "tasting menu" concept for these specials: invite old guests back and challenge them with another former guest’s meal picks. (04:42)
• They share behind-the-scenes banter about selecting guests and listening back to old episodes, with their usual self-deprecating humor.
  • Quote – James Acaster (05:00): “We listened to every single episode we’ve ever done again in order to choose the best guests for the Royal Albert Hall.”
  • Quote – Ed Gamble (05:06): “If you’re listening to this and you weren’t selected, your time will come!”

2. Welcoming Aisling Bea Back

• Aisling enters with mock grandeur, poking fun at Ed and James (“Both the same height. That’s not gonna work.”) and the show’s origins. (08:43)
• Quick tangent on diabetes, leading to affectionate ribbing among the trio.
• Callback to Aisling’s original episode and James being 45 minutes late – still his only time ever late for a taping. (10:03)
• Quote – Aisling Bea (09:30): “You can’t live a life just talking about your diabetes, Ed.”

3. Genie Introduction Ritual – and an Outrageous Visual Gag

• As per Off Menu tradition, Aisling must "rub the lamp" to summon Genie James. Inevitably, the exchange descends into innuendo:
  • Quote – Ed Gamble (11:52): “Honestly, in Aladdin, he doesn’t wank off the spout, does he?”
  • Quote – Aisling Bea (12:04): “Hindsight’s a fine thing… I suppose I didn’t have to wank off the spout.”

4. Whose Menu Is It Anyway?

• After musings about other Irish comedians (especially Dara Ó Briain), Ed and James reveal Aisling will be eating Josh Widdicombe’s menu. (15:02)
• Running joke: a terrible photo of Josh is displayed on the big screen, with Aisling dubbing him a "sad pony" (15:33).
  • Quote – Aisling Bea (15:39): “He looks like someone’s family pony.”

5. Aisling on Josh Widdicombe: Health, Digestion, and Spiciness

• Aisling asserts Josh has "upside down stomach disease" ("hiatus hernia"), referencing a history of stomach issues. (16:05–17:15)
• They muse whether he would risk spice and how digestive quirks influence food choices.

6. Bread, Butter, and The Irish Kerrygold Legacy

• Backstage, Aisling finds her favorite bread and Kerrygold butter – a nod to her influential choice in her first appearance, which has since launched a pattern among Irish guests. (19:09–19:43)
  • Quote – Ed Gamble (19:43): “Every Irish guest has picked Kerrygold butter. If they haven’t, I think they’ve had their passport taken away.”
• Running gag about never being sent free Kerrygold despite years of plugging it.

7. The Menu: Aisling Reacts to Josh Widdicombe’s Choices

Water Course – Still vs. Sparkling Water (+ Tea)

• Aisling: “I wouldn’t want someone with an upside down stomach having bubbles.” (18:42)
• Josh’s pick is sparkling water and a cup of tea, leading to a deep dive into the specifics of a proper cup of tea, Irish vs. English habits, and dunking chocolate "twirls" as a grown-up replacement for sugar. (21:18–24:38)
  • Quote – Aisling Bea (23:15): “Barry’s tea bag, gold label. Boil that kettle. Don’t ever put cold water on a tea bag… Full fat milk, twirl in, be brave!”

Poppadoms (with Yogurt Dip)

• Josh’s starter is "90s poppadoms" with yogurt dip, mango chutney, and lime pickle. (26:35)
• Aisling reflects on her late introduction to global cuisines as an Irish teen and now being “big into Indian food” thanks to her Indian brother-in-law. (27:31, 32:30)
• Comedy detour about pasta shapes ("airplane neck pillow"), leading to audience interaction. (28:08–30:35)

Toast with Marmite and Marmalade

• Starter proper is two slices of toast: one with Marmite, one with marmalade.
• This sparks Aisling’s Paddington Bear impression and stories contrasting Marmite and Vegemite (her Australian partner’s spread of choice). (37:45–44:09)
• Quote – Aisling Bea (38:07): “Straight in from Peru, Josh Widdicombe.”
• Both are “fine but not exciting” to her culturally.

Main Course: Franco Manca Pizza No. 5 (minus anchovies, add chili) and Side Salad

• Ed and James clarify: this is essentially a margherita with olives, capers, and chili; Josh always removes anchovies. (48:43–52:23)
• The group jokes about menu customizations, LA’s Cafe Gratitude (“I am gratitude”), and the inherent comfort Josh seems to seek in food. (53:12)
• Moby (the vegan artist) gets a long digressive segment thanks to a story about seeing him at a vegan café (54:42–58:14).

Side Dish: Saag Paneer

• Aisling is genuinely enthusiastic about the mildness and delight of saag paneer and describes her love of turning every carbohydrate into a “little boat” for sauces and toppings. (61:02–62:05)

Drink: Cup of Tea (Again)

• Josh’s dream drink is, again, a cup of tea.
• Aisling laments the lack of specificity (“Tea? Just tea?”), contrasts with her own intricate cocktail, and describes Irish cordial "my wadi" and its vodka variation. (67:10–73:00)

Dessert: Christmas Chocolates and (Another) Cup of Tea

• Lint balls, Matchmakers, and the British tradition of holiday chocolates discussed. Aisling details retail-related Lindor ball trauma and ranks her favorite Christmas sweets (“praline #1, obviously”). (78:43–81:17)

8. Notable Tangents, Quotes, and Callbacks

• Paddington and The Queen: Long riff on the viral "Paddington escorts the Queen" illustration. (38:36–39:55)
• “Domino who?” (the Domino’s Pizza advert) – James is nearly incapacitated with laughter reminiscing about its absurdity. Several callbacks throughout (63:32, 66:17, 78:22).
  • Quote – James Acaster (66:48): “It's Paddington and the Queen. They get to the pearly gates, she looks at him and he goes, ‘Domino,’ and then he pushes her into hell.”
• Moby – The Elusive Song: Entire segment lost trying to recall Moby’s famous track, leading to the audience singing it at last (“Trouble So Hard”). (55:30–59:00)
• Paul Rudd “Condiments” Confession: Aisling triggered international headlines in her first Off Menu visit by outing Paul Rudd as a sauce-phobe. Tonight, she brings a video confession from Rudd himself, filmed at her house, confirming his aversion to condiments. (82:54–85:37)
  • Quote – Paul Rudd, via video (85:17): “The fact that there’s two different kinds of mayonnaise makes me hate them twice as much.”

9. Birthday Shenanigans

• Throughout, Aisling jokes (increasingly unsubtly) about expecting a birthday cake. Eventually, she’s serenaded with "Happy Birthday" and receives a Colin the Caterpillar cake — with the audience chanting “Eat the face!” (88:44–89:53)

10. A Fond Assessment of Josh Widdicombe’s Menu

• Aisling’s final verdict: warm affection. She reads Josh’s choices as “a cry for help,” but decides he craves simplicity, comfort, and a hug.
  • Quote – Aisling Bea (86:24): “He craves safety in many ways, actually. His menu says comfort. Don’t you think?”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (Selected Timestamps)

• “You know what I mean Ed, you're stretching it at this stage, but diabetes, this, diabetes.”
  Aisling Bea [09:30]

• “Hindsight’s a fine thing… I suppose I didn’t have to wank off the spout.”
  Aisling Bea [12:04]

• “He looks like someone’s family pony.”
  Aisling Bea (on Josh Widdicombe's unflattering photo) [15:39]

• “In Ireland, the squash isn’t called Robinson’s. It’s called My Wadi.”
  Aisling Bea [71:53]

• Paul Rudd on mayo:
  “The fact that there’s two different kinds of mayonnaise makes me hate them twice as much.” [85:21]

• On the comfort of Josh’s food choices:
  “I think his menu says that he craves safety in many ways, actually.”
  Aisling Bea [86:24]

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Royal Albert Hall / Show Format Explained: 04:30–05:44
• Aisling’s Entrance + Callback to Original Episode: 08:43–10:33
• Genie Ritual / Innuendo: 10:41–12:15
• Reveal – Whose Menu is it?: 15:02–15:13
• Menu Reaction – Bread/Kerrygold: 19:09–19:49
• Tea Rituals & Twirls Hack: 21:18–24:38
• Popadoms and Indian Food: 26:35–32:05
• Marmite/Vegemite Debate: 37:45–44:09
• Pizza Main Course – The Comfort of Customization: 48:43–53:03
• Moby / Paddington & The Queen: 54:42–59:03
• Domino’s “Domino who?” Adverts: 63:32–66:31
• Birthday Cake Climax: 88:44–89:53
• Paul Rudd Sauce Video: 82:54–85:37

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Tone & Dynamics

The live recording at the Royal Albert Hall supercharges the Off Menu energy: riffing, self-parody, innuendo, and affectionate chaos reign. Aisling Bea is in full mischievous form, holding her own against Ed and James’s relentless nonsense. Food chat collides with deep dives into British and Irish culinary culture, running show in-jokes, and characteristically odd tangents—culminating in a joyous, daft sing-along, and a warm-hearted roast of Josh Widdicombe’s gentle soul.

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Useful For…

Anyone who delights in British panel show humor, comic chemistry, meandering but affectionate food chat, or just wants to hear Paul Rudd squirm when forced to face his condiment phobia. This episode is a live show masterclass in keeping the laughs rolling while barely talking about food—all in typical Off Menu style.

Transcript

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[Ed Gamble]

Howdy, folks. This episode of Off Menu is brought to you by Boar's Head, the Friar's Turkey Breast.

[James Acaster]

Imagine a backyard tradition, okay? A sun drenched afternoon, a massive vat of bubbling oil and a man named Big Dave wearing goggles.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a lot of effort for a bird.

[James Acaster]

It's a lot of effort for a lunch, isn't it? Well, what if I told you that Boar's Head has brought that exact backyard tradition right to the deli counter?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I'd say, James, you finally lost it and I think you lost it a while ago. But this is beyond the pale.

[James Acaster]

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[Ed Gamble]

Oh, man, that sounds genuinely incredible.

[James Acaster]

Only from Boar's Head, Ed. It's basically craftsmanship you can eat. Speaking of which, you lot listening need to get down to your local deli counter and experience the difference Boar's Head makes. The Friar's Turkey Breast in stores now. It's delicious. It's golden. It's the taste of deep fried bull's head.

[Ed Gamble]

Committed to craft since 1905. Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast. It's a bonus Wowee. So loud. Yes, this is a bonus live episode of the Off Menu Podcast. James, do you remember this? It was all the way back on

[James Acaster]

13th March, 2026 in the Royal Albert Hall.

[Ed Gamble]

No less, no less than the Royal Albert Hall. We will only perform in the Royal Albert hall now.

[James Acaster]

Yes, we did six shows at the Royal Albert Hall.

[Ed Gamble]

Mad.

[James Acaster]

Which should have been illegal, but they let us do it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

And they were all tasting menus where we get an old guest back, a fan favourite, and we give them the menu of another fan favourite. Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Very exciting for us to trawl through our Multiple episodes and go, we'd like to speak to this person again.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. We listened to every single episode we've ever done again in order to choose the best guests for the Royal Albert Hall.

[Ed Gamble]

But no offense, if you're listening to this and you weren't one of the ones selected, your time will come. Next time we do the Royal Albert Hall.

[James Acaster]

Of course, we actually liked all the episodes that we listened back to. And we listened back to all of them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, all of them.

[James Acaster]

Every single one of them was great.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Apart from one.

[Ed Gamble]

We decided to go alphabetical, so.

[James Acaster]

Alphabetical.

[Ed Gamble]

Alphabetical. We went in alphabetical order. And the first guest on these tasting menu shows is Aisling B. The wonderful Aisling Bee came back to be given the menu of a previous guest. All will be revealed in the show.

[James Acaster]

Some stuff we talk about to Aisling won't make total sense. Cause there was a first half and we went on and talked in the first half just for context. Ed and I are just watched the Louis Faru manosphere documentary and in the first half did a lot of references to the manosphere.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Saying people have been cooked talking about HS ticky talking and stuff. So like, you know, that might come up again in the second half. Yes, a little bit.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. It. So if you're like, I don't understand that joke.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's probably because you've not heard the first half and a lot of. A lot of comedians would make sure that didn't happen. But not us.

[James Acaster]

Not us. Not us. We were in the moment in the Royal Al. Were caught up in the present, really. We weren't thinking about the future where people would have to listen to it. And I guess, you know, sometimes people would say like, oh, why bother going to see a live podcast? They'll just release it as audio anyway. Well, that's why this is proof. This is proof that actually, you know, as much as you're going to enjoy listening to it now, there will be moments where you might feel a bit lost.

[Ed Gamble]

It's going to be nonsense to you

[James Acaster]

and that won't happen in the future if you, if you come.

[Ed Gamble]

But this is a fun episode. Enjoy. This is the off menu tasting menu of Ashley and B live at the Royal Albert Hall.

[James Acaster]

A gamble. Kick us off like only you can.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, we're kicking off straight away, James.

[James Acaster]

Good.

[Ed Gamble]

There was a energy there in the interval. James was a bit ashamed of what he did in the first half. He's released an apology on the notes app. So everything's sorted now and thank you.

[James Acaster]

I was Spiraling.

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I was spiraling.

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Thank you.

[Ed Gamble]

And now you're going to go and get your mental health address. You're going to go into therapy.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Good boy. Welcome to the off menu podcast. Taking the. Taking the J2O of conversation, pouring it onto the cocoa pops of humor and then eating a load of fucking disgusting stinky eggs as well, you horrible man.

[James Acaster]

That is a gamble. My name is James A. Castle. Together we own a gentleman. And every single week we invite in the guests. We ask them their favorite ever start a main course, dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order. And this is the tasted menu.

[Ed Gamble]

Woohoo. Where we invite back an old guest, a fan favorite and fan favorite. This episode's fan favorite from a previous episode, we will be giving the menu of another previous guest, fan favorite. And this. This guest, James, did the podcast ages ago.

[James Acaster]

The first series. The first ever series.

[Ed Gamble]

The first ever series. One truly one of our favorites. One of our favorite people in the world. I think we should just get on with it, James.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, let's bring out Aisling and give her another guest menu. So here we go. This is not the off menu menu of Aisling B.

[Aisling Bea]

Well, well, well, well, well, well, well. Ashley was starting a new podcast. Will you come on now? All right, lads. I'll lend my celebrity jazz to your little podcast. Wants it about spurt menus. Oh, okay. Well, that'll never work, but I'll do it anyways, boys, what's for starters? Me eating my words.

[James Acaster]

You were very nice coming on our podcast where no one listened to it and it was early days. You gave us a chance, Ashley, and we appreciate it.

[Aisling Bea]

I did, boys. I saw something in you. I thought, look, these guys have got no personality. They're both the same height. That's not gonna work.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't lead with no personality though.

[Aisling Bea]

You know what I mean, Ed, you're stretching it at this stage, but diabetes, this, diabetes. You can't live a life just talking about your diabetes, Ed.

[Ed Gamble]

Doing pretty well out of it. Got a.

[Aisling Bea]

That's true.

[Ed Gamble]

Some diabetics, they only get to sit in the audience.

[Aisling Bea]

That's true. They have to sit down because they're so tired from having diabetes. I understand that wasn't the best opening. Of course. Welcome everyone with diabetes type 1 and 2.

[Ed Gamble]

Here's what I. One of the many things I remember from your episode, Aisling, is that James was 45 minutes late.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that was the only episode I've been late for still to this day. I slept in.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

And I woke up and a lot of messages from Bonito going, where the hell are you? Ashling's here. She's been here for ages now to turn up really, really late and say, I was so, so sorry and it's never happened again, so thanks.

[Aisling Bea]

Because you cared more about the people who came after me or why? Why? Was it Nick? Was that why you just didn't really. It's fine. This has turned into like a group therapy chat between three friends that you guys have to watch. Thanks for having me on, guys.

[Ed Gamble]

You're most welcome. We are delighted to have you on for the. For the opening night at the Albert Hall.

[Aisling Bea]

Woohoo.

[Ed Gamble]

James, we do need to kick it off properly, though, because at the moment you are a mere man and we need you to be a genie.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Aisling Bea]

Oh, yes, you're doing something sexist now, James, for a change. It's a character.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, Aisling, how would one traditionally get a genie out of a lamp, would you say?

[Aisling Bea]

Oh, like, I'd get many things out of things with a spout head. I'd give it a good rub.

[Ed Gamble]

Would you care to give the spout a rub?

[Aisling Bea]

Oh, God.

[Ed Gamble]

Hang on, you set that up. You can't.

[Aisling Bea]

I know, yeah. Oh, you're not going to turn this into a meme or something now, are you? I suppose you don't have to rub that.

[Ed Gamble]

You don't.

[Aisling Bea]

You said give it a rub. Oh, God.

[James Acaster]

Welcome back to be back to the team.

[Ed Gamble]

That's my face.

[Aisling Bea]

It's not my clothes.

[James Acaster]

Right, in the face.

[Aisling Bea]

Am I pregnant now? Oh, no.

[James Acaster]

That was a real shame.

[Ed Gamble]

I really, like. I really. You didn't have to rub the spout, mate. Honestly, in Aladdin, he doesn't wank off the spout, does he?

[James Acaster]

You can.

[Ed Gamble]

You can rub the main body of the lamp.

[Aisling Bea]

See, now, hindsight's, you know, a fine thing when you're on the other side of it. Yeah, I suppose I didn't have to wank off the spout.

[Ed Gamble]

No, you just rub the tummy of the lamp because I know. That works for me. All you need to do is rub my tummy

[James Acaster]

a little.

[Aisling Bea]

Look into how Ed Gamble gets an erection there. Like, just rub his tummy.

[Ed Gamble]

Rub my tummy. Big old boner.

[James Acaster]

The new catchphrase.

[Aisling Bea]

No, I really enjoyed that, James.

[James Acaster]

Huh?

[Aisling Bea]

I really enjoy that, James.

[James Acaster]

Thank you.

[Ed Gamble]

Sorry, James is 41.

[James Acaster]

Whose menu are you hoping for? Ashton, we're giving you an old guest's menu. Oh, is there anyone in particular?

[Aisling Bea]

Well, do you know, in terms of the first series. So we were on the first series of this or maybe he came on the second one. In my episode, I talked about my birthday, which is on Monday. Oh, my God. If they bring out a cake.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

To be fair, you said this to us. You said this to us backstage just before we came on for the second half. You're like, is there going to be a cake? We're like, I didn't know it was your birthday.

[Aisling Bea]

It's a food podcast. So, like, yes. Oh, I'll leave it as a surprise. I'll leave it as a surprise.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, let's. Let's leave it as a surprise forever.

[Aisling Bea]

So, yeah, so I. I was talking about how my birthday's day for St. Patrick's Day and I won a he. There's my people. And we're all like little rats coming in now. Yes. We're the immigrants. People are like, we can't. Because that invisible border, we can't get them back.

[Ed Gamble]

And you're like, ha.

[Aisling Bea]

So, yes, I was talking about St. Patrick's Day and I got really hammered and I had to do the St. Patrick's Day gig in Leicester Square. And I was like, hello there, happy St. Patrick's Day. And then I went to burger and lobster with Darrow Breen and I think ARD Lohanlon. And in the podcast, I do remember saying what was so lovely about going to this place was I was covered in butter, but I didn't fancy anyone at the table, so it was fine. I could just be at one, finally eating food after vomiting up from St Patrick's Day so long. And Dara got really offended that I didn't fancy him. He's like, so, yeah, listen to the AOLA podcast. And didn't know he didn't fancy me. And I was like, what? Didn't give it away.

[James Acaster]

The bib.

[Aisling Bea]

Me covered in butter going, hide Yormith if you don't eat them at the end, Dara. So, yeah, so maybe Dara's.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

Because I would love to go for dinner with him sometime and I mean, I can't.

[Ed Gamble]

It's such an insight into Dara's break. Do you think he just walks around assuming that everyone fancies it?

[Aisling Bea]

Ah, yeah. Tall men have a bit of that though, don't they?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

You know, if you could see things up here.

[James Acaster]

Well, we haven't given you a tall man's menu.

[Aisling Bea]

Oh, no.

[Ed Gamble]

A weedy little boy.

[James Acaster]

He's a little little man.

[Aisling Bea]

Oh, no.

[James Acaster]

Okay, tonight, Ashton B. Yeah. You will be given the off menu menu of Josh Whitaker.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, my God, that's Josh Whitaker. The photo was a last minute decision and we literally, what we said to Benito was just find quite a bad photo of Josh. That would be perfect. Can we just have another look at that? I absolutely love that photo. There he is.

[James Acaster]

Look at that. Absolute.

[Aisling Bea]

He looks like someone's a family pony.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

Hello, Nibbles. She's like a sugar lump.

[James Acaster]

What do you think about Josh Widdop's menu? Do you think you'll like it or not like it before you've even heard it?

[Aisling Bea]

I think he's maybe surprisingly spicy, old Joshy.

[Ed Gamble]

Maybe surprisingly spicy.

[Verizon Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

I just think he'd surprise us by enjoying heat. Would he? I don't know.

[James Acaster]

Have you had a meal with Josh before? Have you ever.

[Aisling Bea]

Oh, God, I've, I, I've definitely had loads of. I like to go around. I'm not technically a doctor, but then who is? Do you know what I mean? But I have often diagnosed Josh as having the upside down stomach disease. You know what's that called? What is it? Colic. Not colic, more serious. Something upside down. Like your tummy's upside down.

[Ed Gamble]

Upside down stomach disease, boy.

[Aisling Bea]

Eternity. Inside out. Around and round. It's a type of tummy issue where your digestive goes. Have to go down to go up.

[Ed Gamble]

So do they have to eat through their butt and shit through their mouth?

[Aisling Bea]

Yes. Josh Whitaker. I've had dinner with him. I just told you. No, I think he's got an upside down tummy, which is a real thing. It's not exactly colic because I've seen him at events when I one time watched him vomit on a plug and we were like, oh, is this gonna burn down? But it didn't. In fairness. Place didn't burn down, but he often would get. Has a bit of a dicky tom from. Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

He used to yak all the time.

[Aisling Bea]

Oh, he yapped everywhere.

[James Acaster]

Benito, if you've googled upside down tummy disease, you can put it on the monitors so we can solve this. That would be great. It is a thing at the minute. We just got heckled by the word colic. It wasn't the most cheery thing when it happened on a Friday of the alcohol.

[Aisling Bea]

Colic. Colic.

[James Acaster]

You're thinking of colic? No. Okay. I'm just trying to help.

[Ed Gamble]

Have you got it? Have you suddenly, suddenly remembered it?

[Aisling Bea]

Could it be hiatus hernia? Is it hiatus hernia? Oh, yes. In part. The seas and then I like run to you like Patrick Swayze and jump into your arms. Parasophageal hernia. That's Josh's drag name. Yes. So I have diagnosed him with that. He's never gone to a doctor. I haven't really googled him much. I just think that's what he has.

[Ed Gamble]

It doesn't sound like his menu's gonna be spicy then, does it? To be fair, I wouldn't risk spice if I had upside down tummy disease.

[Aisling Bea]

He doesn't think he does he?

[Ed Gamble]

No, he doesn't.

[Aisling Bea]

So he might be risking an E.

[Ed Gamble]

He thinks everyone else's tummies are upside down.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

He is an Australian inside, but very much an English outside.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, yes.

[James Acaster]

So racist both times.

[Aisling Bea]

Lovely work there, James.

[James Acaster]

Thank you. Now, your dream meal for your water course, you chose still water. So I guess you're hoping for that from Josh's menu as well.

[Aisling Bea]

Yes, I would. Well, as, again, speaking as a doctor, I wouldn't want someone with an upside down stomach having bubbles, you know, so I would want him to have still water to just get that H2O into him. You know, hydration is really important when you have something wrong with your stomach. I'm trying to embrace the sort of doctor character.

[Ed Gamble]

This will be a good opportunity as well because we'll run through your menu alongside to remind you of what you picked.

[Aisling Bea]

Good.

[Ed Gamble]

And you can, if you want to make changes as we go through this to your dream menu, you can absolutely do that.

[Aisling Bea]

I get to do a live edit also, can I just say, which is very nice. And again, I don't know if it's like teeing up to the birthday cake, but the lads did leave me bread and Kerrygold butter, which was my. Yes. Do you know that I mentioned Kerrygold on this podcast at the start? This podcast has turned into this and I have yet to be sent. I know it's hard to post, but a free thing of butter.

[Ed Gamble]

That's disgraceful.

[Aisling Bea]

In all the years.

[Ed Gamble]

They should send you the cow.

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It has become a running thing on the podcast Kerrygold.

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And you started it.

[Aisling Bea]

Thank you very much.

[Ed Gamble]

Every Irish guest has picked Kerrygold butter. Yeah. And if they haven't, I think they've had their passport taken away.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah. They do. They get sent back to the moon.

[James Acaster]

The moon, the moon, the moon.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[Aisling Bea]

Yes. The.

[James Acaster]

Josh Widdicombe's tummy would go crazy on the moon.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, man.

[Grow Therapy Advertiser]

Oh, my God.

[Aisling Bea]

He'd be like, oh, God.

[Bombas Advertiser]

Oh, no.

[Aisling Bea]

This is a small step for people with Parasophical Hyde. Yes. And you also left me my dessert backstage as well. Or a version of it. My pecan tart.

[Ed Gamble]

This is really nice that you think me and James had anything to do with this. The lads left me bread and Kerrygold butter, and me and James looking at each other going, no, I didn't fucking do that. Did you do that?

[Aisling Bea]

Oh, my God. It was bonito.

[Ed Gamble]

It was bonito.

[James Acaster]

It was bonito.

[Aisling Bea]

Guys, do you think Benito's in love with me? Oh, my gosh, yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Here's the question. If you went for dinner with Benito, would you. Would you put any of that butter around your face and would you wear a bib?

[Aisling Bea]

Oh, my God. I definitely put the butter on my face, hoping that maybe he'd reach across and put a piece of bread on my face to get it off.

[James Acaster]

Oh, my God.

[Aisling Bea]

I don't know why I can continue this show. I'm too horny.

[James Acaster]

Well, we got you just how we want you. Let's start the menu. Ashnik. Okay, this is Josh Whittaker. Watercourse, you like still water. And he's gone for sparkling water and

[Ed Gamble]

a cup of tea.

[Aisling Bea]

So, you know, back in my day when I did this podcast, you weren't allowed a cup of tea because that is delicious to me. I would, of course, have a cup of tea if I started. Delicious. What type of tea, though? You can't just say a cup of tea.

[Ed Gamble]

I think he did just say a cup of tea.

[James Acaster]

You know, I guess you could have whatever cup of tea you would like.

[Aisling Bea]

Didn't even specify how much milk does he put the bag in first? Is to put the milk in first, because obviously nobody with a good brain does that for a sign of psychopathy. Not in the John Ronson book about psychopaths, but if you put the milk in first, then I don't know.

[Ed Gamble]

So is it milk? So the milk in first and then

[Aisling Bea]

the neck, as they say, milk in first, murder second.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

Again, I'm no psychologist, but then who is? But that's a surefire way to work it out. Yes. And then you have to specify. Do you want sugar in there? Sugar in your tea after 35. Are you a baby? Pull yourself together.

[Ed Gamble]

Whoa.

[Aisling Bea]

I mean it. I mean it. Mrs. Over there with your baby fruit juice on your. Come on. We need to get ourselves together now. Okay.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Did you used to put sugar in your tea and then there was a conscious decision. I've grown out of this now.

[Aisling Bea]

Yes. The government got in touch. They send a letter to your house. You're no longer a wizard, Ari, and you just have to sort of hold on.

[Ed Gamble]

We don't mention that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I told you, you weren't a wizard anymore.

[Aisling Bea]

You're no longer a wizard. We're taking aback.

[Ed Gamble]

What's your.

[Aisling Bea]

Because of your belief of human rights.

[Ed Gamble]

Could you take us through Aisling, do

[Aisling Bea]

something for the woke people. Not you, James.

[James Acaster]

I hate it. I love Harry Potter.

[Aisling Bea]

You're playing Hagrid in the new movie, aren't you?

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah, I'm gonna be Hagrid. Me and Nick Frost are playing it together. I'm on his back like Banjo Kazooie.

[Ed Gamble]

Could you take us through Aisling? Me's perfect cup of tea, please.

[Aisling Bea]

Yes, I will. Thank you.

[James Acaster]

Ashlyn. Tea.

[Ed Gamble]

Cup of bee.

[Aisling Bea]

Aisling, tea is a Barry's tea bag. Yes. So Irish people. Do you know that there's now and again they'll never send me any free stuff when I mention on this podcast there's. So it's a gold label. Barry's tea is the Irish Tea bags. They're in a red box, but they've just done a black box. And it is so delicious. Especially if you've hard water in your area. It mixes very well with hard water. Boil that kettle. It must be boiled. James, don't ever put cold water on a tea bag. Yeah, James. And leave it in for about a minute. Then ouchy pop, come over a full fat milk. Don't be semi skimmed again. That's too far into adulthood. You can baby yourself a little bit by going full fat, creamy, nice milk. In we go. Good old drop. You want it to be the right level of brown. And then we give it a twirl and then we put a twirl into it. Because you can't be putting sugar in it because that's for babies. But you can put a full twirl. That's the hack. You can put a full twirl into it. Let her dip, but be very careful. You have to. In, be brave, be brave.

[Ed Gamble]

Out.

[Aisling Bea]

And then pop. Delicious, sexy cup of tea.

[James Acaster]

I mean, does actually sound nice. The twirl. I think there's enough people in here that someone will try that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

Because within the twirl, you've got the things we can act as a straw as well. So the second time you go in with the twirl, you bite off the. The head of it like a prawn. Very much the prawns of the chocolate world. The twirls. And then you put it in and you suck the tea up and then through the twirl. So again, don't have sugar. Don't be a baby. But you'll get some of that sweet sugar on the way up as it comes in through the twirl.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't mind it, but don't be a baby.

[Aisling Bea]

But don't be a baby.

[Ed Gamble]

People do that with Tim Tams, right? You know Tim Tams?

[Aisling Bea]

I do know Tim Tams because my boyfriend does Australian.

[Ed Gamble]

So. Yes, of course I remember my. My friend went on a gap year to Australia and he came back, he was like, wait. Wait till you see this. And he pulled out a bag of Tim Tams, bit the end off both ends, and then sucked his cup of tea. And it's the hardest I've ever seen anyone suck at anything. So watch this. It's so cool. I'm so glad I didn't take a gap year.

[Aisling Bea]

Isn't. Because they don't really do gap years in Ireland. Isn't a gap year supposed to, like. No offense to Australians, including the one who got me pregnant, but isn't a gap year supposed to broaden your horizons and understanding of the world?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, well, he wasn't sucking teeth through a bourbon before he went.

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah, that's true.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

He discovered something new.

[Aisling Bea]

Just. It's not exactly a. A magical carpet ride to go to Australia and come back with Tim Tams, man. Yeah. I'm glad he took the year.

[James Acaster]

I've got a magic carpet, though. I could take them there.

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah, yeah, no, I've heard about it.

[James Acaster]

It's official now. I've got one.

[Aisling Bea]

What are you gonna pop it ups off red.

[James Acaster]

Pops off red, Ashton B. Pop it ups off red. But it's not pop, Ashton B.

[Aisling Bea]

God, you actually scared the out of me there.

[James Acaster]

It felt great. Fellas, you got a scare.

[Aisling Bea]

Ladies. James, spot the red flags early. Call the police.

[Ed Gamble]

James, do remember when you do callbacks to that that when the podcast is put out, they won't include the first half.

[James Acaster]

I trust Benito will be on my side in the edit. Remove anything that doesn't make any sense. Benito, I'm sorry I bully you off Mike. Pop dogs. About Josh Whitakem, of course, is the question. And Josh Whitakem said, a pile of 90s poppadoms with mainly the yogurt dip, mango chutney, and lime pickle. Now it's Josh Whitaker. So, of course the 90s was going to come up, but what does 90s poppadoms mean to you, Ashley? But be.

[Aisling Bea]

I don't know, because I only really had, like. I didn't even have pasta until about the 2000s because there just didn't. The first time I had spaghetti, I think I was 16 and it was My neighbor's French friend who said, irish

[Ed Gamble]

laws are weird, aren't they? You have to wait.

[Aisling Bea]

It was just a different time. Like, you can have spaghetti. And I was like, oh, what?

[James Acaster]

I don't know.

[Aisling Bea]

We're not, you know, bit much for us now. I didn't know about that. And she put ketchup and grated cheese over and she's like, that's Italian food. And I was like, jesus, that's lovely. That was the first time I ever had spaghetti. So I didn't have a papadam. I'd say I didn't have any. Definitely didn't. I don't think I'd had Indian food until I moved to London. I didn't have Italian food until I was about 16. I didn't.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

So I. 90s Papadom is. Is. Is. Is doesn't have a reference to me.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I was talking to Pastor Leah over here has a question for you. Leah, do you want to ask a question? Leah went home in the interval.

[Aisling Bea]

I've seen.

[James Acaster]

What a way to find that out.

[Aisling Bea]

Oh, Leah, were you. Is she still over there?

[James Acaster]

Do.

[Aisling Bea]

I mean, wow, that was a real feminine. Remember her name?

[Ed Gamble]

James.

[Aisling Bea]

She had the name James. She has a name.

[Ed Gamble]

I cannot believe this shit, man. I just say the first girl's name that comes to my head. I call all girls Lear because I like to leer at them.

[Aisling Bea]

Is it Lauren? I'm so sorry about that. Lauren, if you don't pass that, you are seen, you are heard, and you have a name. Though I will say Lauren in terms of like, where's the girl who was talking about the pasta? You probably should have worked out it was you.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you for saying that. That's fine.

[James Acaster]

An ally.

[Aisling Bea]

Ally. Ally on the streets. Hates you in the sheets. I don't know. Oh, yes, the past thing. Well, I would like to think my favorite one to eat is one that looks like an airplane neck pillow. What's that one? You know the one, it looks like a macaroni. No, no, no. It's got stuff inside in it.

[Ed Gamble]

Are you thinking of an airplane neck pillow? Have you?

[Aisling Bea]

I am, yes. You know when you put pasta inside an airplane neck pillow? Back to sleep we go.

[Ed Gamble]

Lauren's question is. And she asks this to everyone. Would you like to ask it to Aisling?

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah, go on. If you wear a pastor shape.

[Ed Gamble]

If you were a pastor shape.

[Aisling Bea]

If you were a pastor shape, what Pastor Shay would be? Yes, I repeat my answer. The airplane neck P. What is that? But also, Lauren, did you not say, are you second generation Italian? Yes. Oh, you. So you speak it. Oh, why don't you ask me in Italian, Lauren? You can't just say tiramisu. Tiramisu, Tiramisu. Oh, do you not have any Italian? That's totally fine if you don't. Oh, you don't have any Italian. Oh, okay. Well, The one with the. The filling in it and it's all rolled up.

[Ed Gamble]

Catalonia.

[Aisling Bea]

Tortellini. Tortellini.

[Ed Gamble]

Tortellini is smaller though, isn't it, than a neck pillow?

[Aisling Bea]

Yes, it is.

[Ed Gamble]

I was thinking the size of a neck pillow here.

[James Acaster]

We're not coming across great.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't say we try and drag me into your cesspit of sexism.

[James Acaster]

So you got your ratios off with the pasta. I thought that's good enough. Come over here with me.

[Aisling Bea]

I'm going to get the video of you forcing me to do that to the spout of that thing and then just leave that without comment and get you cancelled.

[James Acaster]

I am behind the thing. So you could just dub it over with anything. You could get AI to do my voice and be like, that's it, wank off the spout.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, no need to get AI to do it now.

[Aisling Bea]

Just do that then.

[James Acaster]

Said it completely clean with no background as well. Chop that up and use it anywhere.

[Ed Gamble]

Guarantee Benito's done that already and we can play at the end of the show.

[James Acaster]

Straight in there. God damn it, Benito.

[Ed Gamble]

So you'd be the. You'd be a tortellini.

[Aisling Bea]

Yes. But then being Irish, maybe the one with a potato in it is noki. Oh, Oh, I wish. Do you know what, if I thought about that for longer, I'd be like gnocchi. Gnocchi. Who's there? Aisling Tea. Aisling tea who? Birthday cake.

[James Acaster]

That's my favorite pasta.

[Ed Gamble]

Birthday cake.

[Aisling Bea]

Birthday cake.

[James Acaster]

HS Noki gnocchi.

[Aisling Bea]

That was a good noki gnocchi joke.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I like your noki. No joke.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it's a good noki gnocchi joke where you just said some things you remember from 10 minutes ago.

[James Acaster]

So that's. So you wanted bread when you came on the podcast with Kerrygold butter. Of course, sourdough bread. So this is not really the kind of vibe you would go for for your drink meal.

[Ed Gamble]

But would you have poppadoms now? Are you a poppadom family?

[Aisling Bea]

I have a big Indian family now. My brother in law is Indian. So we eat loads of Indian food now. Woo. Yes to a big. A big shout out to the. The Carolyn's in the audience is any Carolyn's. So we Eat a lot of Carolyn food as well, in particular. So, yes, I would have. Would have a lot of Papa Doms. They do take the piss out of me because sometimes they're like, is that Papa Dom too spicy for you? And I'm like, no, I can just about manage it because I'm still not great with heat. I'm good with spice, but I'm still not great with heat.

[James Acaster]

Josh would have come if you're. Would you want to eat this meal with Josh?

[Aisling Bea]

See, I'm now starting to think that man, that man, that man.

[James Acaster]

Got the picture of Josh up again, please.

[Aisling Bea]

Yes, please.

[James Acaster]

Yes, please.

[Aisling Bea]

Sad pony. Come on.

[Ed Gamble]

I love this. He's not even here. Every time a picture of him appears, everyone laughs.

[Aisling Bea]

My Little Pony, I think, might not be able to trust spice. And I'll tell you why. It's because he really focused on the yogurt part of the dip.

[Ed Gamble]

He really does.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

He wanted mostly. Mostly yogurt dip with it.

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah, I put yogurt on everything.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you?

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah, I put yogurt on absolutely everything. It's. But I would put. I'll put yogurt on you. A castor if I had the chance.

[James Acaster]

Clip that up.

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Give me something to fight back.

[Aisling Bea]

Yes. I love you. So I think he might be a bit of me kneading.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay. So you would eat this meal with Josh so far?

[Aisling Bea]

Yes.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Yes.

[Aisling Bea]

Fantastic.

[James Acaster]

What's your favorite thing to put yogurt on before we move on?

[Aisling Bea]

Oh. Oh. Do you know what? I don't mind? Bit of poached salmon on a piece of toast, bit of kimchi on top of that, and a bit of yogurt on top of that.

[James Acaster]

Sounds very fancy. Very nice.

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah. Layers top. That's another one. You can't be eating with someone you fancy. Just. It's yogurt and Kim. It's. It's not a. No bueno. As Lauren wouldn't say, because she doesn't Italian.

[James Acaster]

It's just checking if it's a plain yogurt. Plain yogurt. Not Crunch Corner, is it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah,

[Aisling Bea]

no, it's a petty flu. Yeah, I'm a baby. Sometimes a big, thick Greek yogurt or a Lavena. Don't mind a Lavena. Oh, God, I should have eaten before I did the podcast. And I realized.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

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[Aisling Bea]

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[James Acaster]

Let's get into Josh's menu proper then your dreams. Well, this is Josh Widdicom's dream starter. You will be eating two slices of toast.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh.

[James Acaster]

One with Marmite and one with marmalade.

[Aisling Bea]

Crazy Paddington Bear.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, my gosh. Well, let's. Let's check the picture of him quickly.

[James Acaster]

Is he Paddington Bear? Let's see the picture, please.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Aisling Bea]

Straight in from Peru, Josh Whitakem.

[James Acaster]

You'd lose a marmalade sandwich in that hair.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, he is the most Paddington of all the comedians, I think.

[Aisling Bea]

Yes, he is.

[Ed Gamble]

I can imagine him escorting the queen to the afterlife.

[Aisling Bea]

No, it's this way. No, no, no, it's definitely this way. No, over here.

[Ed Gamble]

After life.

[Aisling Bea]

This way.

[Ed Gamble]

Come this way.

[James Acaster]

Mom, was that. When did that happen?

[Ed Gamble]

So James isn't online. We need to explain quite a lot of these things to him. When the queen died, did you not know?

[Aisling Bea]

I'm so sorry.

[James Acaster]

The only woman I like. Yeah, that's when the queen died.

[Ed Gamble]

A picture went around the Internet so that someone had done seriously, like a drawing of. It's like their backs, but it was Paddington, like, leading. Leading the queen off, I think. I can't remember exactly what the caption was written under it. It was something like. Like, that's enough for you now. Or something like. It wasn't that. It wasn't that.

[Aisling Bea]

Now, now, all finished.

[Ed Gamble]

Something like now, now, all finished.

[Aisling Bea]

That'll do, pig. That'll do.

[Ed Gamble]

Benito. Find that picture and put it up on the big screen.

[Aisling Bea]

He's taking her to hell.

[Ed Gamble]

I think the person who drew it was, was probably pro queen and was insinuating heaven. Really? Oh, it would be good if the next picture is Paddington taking his face off and it's the devil.

[James Acaster]

You have lived an awful life. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

A toasted marmalade sandwich on his horns. Ben.

[James Acaster]

I'm not in charge of the screen is what Benito's written there.

[Aisling Bea]

Thank you, Benito.

[James Acaster]

Bad luck, Benito. I didn't know there'd been a mutiny backstage and he's lost all of his. He's tied to an office chair. I'm not in charge of the skate. Get help.

[Aisling Bea]

It's me, Benita. Stop laughing.

[James Acaster]

I got her a scream.

[Ed Gamble]

Benito, can you find out what the caption was on the Paddington and Queen picture and put it up on the little screen for us, please? I'm just curious.

[James Acaster]

Now, are you going to prefer the Marmite or the Marmalade toast again?

[Aisling Bea]

I'm going out with an Australian who recently presented a piece of toast to my Irish mother who'd never had Marmite before and she thought it was Nutella, and she, like, had been hit by the devil or in an exorcist. Just went against the wall, just like. No, I've never eaten something so disgraceful in my life. So Marmite is in the house. Not for me. But I don't find Marmite that. Marmite?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

Like, I'm like, it's.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

It's.

[Aisling Bea]

It's. It's fine.

[Ed Gamble]

Sorry to interrupt. It was. Thank you, mom, for everything.

[James Acaster]

What did you say? For everything.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you, mom, for everything.

[Aisling Bea]

But what did you think it was?

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, come on now. All done. This is the same sort of same meaning, in a way. Is Marmite not a thing in Ireland?

[Aisling Bea]

No, not really. Wouldn't you say? Irish people in. We don't really. No, no. We'll move here, but we won't accept your ways. We'll make love to your men, we'll pay the odd bit of tax, but we won't take your spreads.

[Ed Gamble]

Is there an equivalently noxious spread in Ireland?

[Aisling Bea]

Again, the only spice is salt. So just butter, really. It probably is. Butter is the equivalent, I don't think. We do have an equivalent spread. Marmalade is really big. It's a real big. Like Granddad's breakfast. Apparently it came from Queen Marie of somewhere. Or Mary. No, Queen Mary of probably England. I probably should have researched this at some point. Was sick. And vitamin C is obviously in oranges. And her chef, who was French, was basically like, marie, my lad Mary is sick, and he made her, like, an orange concoction. And that was where marmalade came from. So is this QI or is this off menu?

[James Acaster]

And that's actually how it came to be.

[Ed Gamble]

I may be the first to say to Queen Mary, thank you, mom, for everything.

[James Acaster]

In the words of Winnie the Pooh, eat that sandwich.

[Ed Gamble]

So you don't. Sorry, I interrupted before, because I got the caption. You don't find Marmite to that. Marmite.

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah. You know, there's, like, oh, it's a bit Marmite for me. Like, you either hate it or you love it. I'm sort of like, oh, I don't. It's not going to. The metaphor doesn't work with me.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So you can. You can retool that phrase now you can use. That's a bit Marmite.

[Grow Therapy Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

How was your day? Marmite? Yeah, fine.

[James Acaster]

It's fine. I'm not bothered either way.

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah, exactly.

[James Acaster]

They can't market that, I guess.

[Aisling Bea]

No, it's hard. It is a harder push. It's fine. You could get something else if you wanted to, but if it's there, why not Marmite?

[James Acaster]

Marmite. Some of you will like it just fine.

[Aisling Bea]

And also because I have to mention it for Jack, it's Vegemite is the Australian one. If they're Australians in. Of course, there always are Irish and Australians, us cheeky lads. And yes, they are very passionate to being Vegemite. I don't totally see the difference. Just don't really.

[James Acaster]

Is that. I mean, Australians who are in. What is the difference?

[Aisling Bea]

Oh, my God. I heard someone over there go, so much.

[Ed Gamble]

So much.

[Aisling Bea]

Can't even explain who said, so much over there.

[James Acaster]

Does it sound like. Sounds like just so every time.

[Aisling Bea]

So what does it mean? Cargo impasse, Sort of salt and petrol or something. What's in it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeast. It's yeast extract. It's the thing that's left over from brewing, I believe.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Was it on your series that you had to make Marmite of Taskmaster?

[Aisling Bea]

Oh, God, it was, yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't remember anything I did, truly. I had to try and remember what I said in his podcast today. Yes, I did in Taskmaster have to make Marmite. You don't remember what I did because you did a podcast and I did that podcast with you. Yes, master, yes.

[James Acaster]

Hold on a second. I think I've done a podcast with you as well. Oh, I know where I know you're from. All night it's been bugging me. Who's this handsome guy?

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah, I did have to make taskmaster to Marmite. I suppose I can't. Well, it's not going to be a great anecdote because I can't remember what I did or there were a lot of things I did on that show that I don't totally remember, but. Oh, do the memes remind me that I took my trousers off?

[James Acaster]

Well, let's say that for this course, the Marmite you've got on the toast is made by one of the taskmaster contestants from your Series.

[Ed Gamble]

This is a great question, by the way, before you ask it.

[James Acaster]

Thank you, Ed.

[Aisling Bea]

I love your guys relationship. You guys are clearly fucking. I'm so into it. I adore this.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, Aisling, and before you answer, I'm happy to remind you of who you're on taskmaster with.

[Aisling Bea]

Yes. Yes.

[Bombas Advertiser]

Nish.

[Aisling Bea]

Thank you, Nish. Bob Mortimer, Sally Phillips, and Mark Watson.

[Ed Gamble]

Well done.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Which one of them do you want to make the marmite?

[Aisling Bea]

For you, I would trust the most. I don't think Nish can cook at all.

[Ed Gamble]

Correct.

[Aisling Bea]

We know this, Bob. I wouldn't trust him to put together something I would eat at all. He'd sort of get lost in the clouds or something like that in some way. Mark. Sally would make something I'd have to eat because I love her so much. But it wouldn't be delicious. But Mark Watson would try to do it exactly right. He would over research, he would try to get. He would lose his mind in the process of trying to put together a marmite and it would be probably delicious.

[James Acaster]

I think that's the correct answer.

[Aisling Bea]

Yes. But I think he just really commit. He'd learn how to cook for the task.

[Ed Gamble]

I think it is the good answer. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You chose calamari when you came on the podcast as a starter, and you might have even been the first person to choose that very popular starter again, a trendsetter. Would that still be your dream starter now?

[Aisling Bea]

Very interesting. Would it still be my dream starter? Maybe not. Maybe I've grown. Maybe I'm a big girl now and I can change. Yeah. No, I probably would probably pick it. I love it. It's really good too. Daisy. You can dip it in things. Little rings. It's kind of like a fancy hula hoop.

[James Acaster]

You know, that thing there. Has anyone seen the new trailer for the Spielberg film where Emily Blunt starts speaking an alien language? It was exactly like that. You should see the trailer. Emily Blunt just is reading the news or something, and then she starts going. And you're meant to be like, whoa, this is an incredible alien film. You're like, why is Ebony Blood beatboxing on the news? So when you did all the calamari stuff, it was like that. You're like,

[Aisling Bea]

see, here's the thing about acting that's very hard on the day. You're like, I might win an Oscar. And then when they edit it together and it's such pants. You're so shooketh that you didn't sort like in your head you thought you were the best actor. And then they. Yeah, they do you dirty in the edit. But I bet she was like. They were like, emily, we love it, so we need more. It's gonna people like, oh, no, she's an alien. But that's probably what happens. You put your trust in so many people when you do something.

[James Acaster]

I'm never doubting Blunt for a second.

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah, James or Emily.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, James Blunt.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I'm never doubting. Sorry, I didn't know we were talking about Emily Blunt. As we've already covered, your main course was lobster.

[Aisling Bea]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Now, Josh Whitakem, famously vegetarian, so unlikely that it's going to be lobster, but you can still have this main course with Dara and with Ardell if you want it. This is Josh Whitakem's dream main course.

[Aisling Bea]

Franco manca pizza number five. Wasn't that a song in the 90s? I like a plain starter. I like a plain mane I even like a tea weather book. Franco Manga pizza revive. No anchovies, added chili. Oh. And yet the sad pony has just kicked his back leg and a side salad. It's like he's all men everywhere. He is all of us. Joshua, by the way, that's what's so beautiful about him.

[Ed Gamble]

I think it's Franco Manson. Franco Manca pizza number five. No anchovies. It looked like it could be Franco Manta. Franco Manca Pizza no. 5, no anchovies. It's not. The five is the number.

[Aisling Bea]

I think the five is. It's not Frankenbanker Pizza no. 5. No,

[Ed Gamble]

the band five come in and try and eat his pizza.

[James Acaster]

He is very obsessed with the 90s, so that probably is a legitimate Josh Whitaker concern, is that five might come in and eat his pizza.

[Ed Gamble]

Five.

[James Acaster]

Oh, no. They slammed Dung to the Funk all over my pizza.

[Ed Gamble]

But yes, A1, you know, is that a.

[Aisling Bea]

Is that a famous type of pizza? Frank Oman. You don't remember A1 number five, huh?

[Ed Gamble]

You don't remember A1?

[James Acaster]

What A1? Do you remember A1, Ashton?

[Aisling Bea]

Do I remember which A1?

[James Acaster]

Apparently.

[Aisling Bea]

A1.

[James Acaster]

Apparently. That's the thing. It's a road, isn't it?

[Aisling Bea]

Oh, no. I was thinking of the boy band.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, it was that you sent Aha

[James Acaster]

at me just now. I'm going nuts.

[Aisling Bea]

They did a cover of Aha.

[Ed Gamble]

What the fuck has happened to this episode?

[James Acaster]

You started talking about paper or roads, and I know what you're on about. What? What's A1?

[Aisling Bea]

A1 were a boy band in the 90s who did a cover of the Aha song Take Me On. Yes, you were talking About a British road. Okay, okay, okay.

[Ed Gamble]

My. My joke. A one was related to five. No, five, but yes, a one. And it didn't get a great reaction from the room because I think my reference was too specific. And I didn't drive it home enough, but I thought at least my friend James would back me up on it. Yeah, absolute sheer fucking confusion from this guy.

[Aisling Bea]

This is like if the movie A Beautiful Mind had no budget. Could I just ask Franco Manco? Franco Manco. Franco.

[Ed Gamble]

It's hard to say, isn't it? I've just realized.

[Aisling Bea]

Easy to do, hard to say. Franco Manco pizza number five. Does anyone here ever work there, or is that number five, a pizza? A type of. A special type of pizza?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. It's like all the pizzas are number one, two, three, four, five.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

And it's always the same.

[Aisling Bea]

I did assume that much to be.

[James Acaster]

So number five is always

[Verizon Advertiser]

what?

[Aisling Bea]

Before five, there's four other pizzas. James, tell me more your big facts.

[James Acaster]

I'm having a fucking nightmare. I'm having a nightmare.

[Aisling Bea]

Oh, wait, no. Benito has a message for us. Boys. Come on, Skip, let's go. Franco MANCA Pizza number five is Cantabrian anchovies, 100% Italian tomato, or as you call it, tomato, Lauren, mozzarella, kalmata, black olives, capers, garlic, and oregano. Or oregano. I'm so Hollywood.

[Ed Gamble]

What I would say is Josh doesn't want the anchovies on that, and if you remove the anchovies, it's a margarita.

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So he wants a margarita pizza, but with chilies on it. I think more chilies.

[Aisling Bea]

Yes. Maybe he wants to order a pizza so then he can ask for things removed. Because that's kind of a status thing, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

It's very la, isn't it?

[Aisling Bea]

Very la. Very showbiz. You know, I'd like a pizza. No cheese, no bread. Just the essence.

[Ed Gamble]

Just let me smell the oven.

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah, just let me smell the baker's hands, and then I'll leave my tip. Yes, okay. Okay. I can see. I think what Josh is looking for from this menu is a sense of safety and comfort and a hug. That's what feels like is going on with Joshy, doesn't it? A sense of my, who hurt you? I'll hug. I'll hug Josh. He's our friend, isn't he?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, he's our friend. I want to give him a little cuddle, see who hurt him.

[Aisling Bea]

Let's go see him now. Bye, guys. Come on, guys.

[James Acaster]

When you said about the la thing there. You were also the first person on the pod to ever mention Cafe Gratitude.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Aisling Bea]

Oh, yes.

[James Acaster]

Which is the place in LA where you have to order stuff by saying, you know, it's all called. What is it? It's like.

[Ed Gamble]

It's all the. All the dishes are called things like fortitude and strength and inner peace. And you have to order by saying, I would like strength or I am strength.

[Aisling Bea]

I think it is. Yes, I am gratitude. I am strength. And that means like a Franco Manzel pizza number five.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I told you what happened to me at Cafe Gratitude. They came and asked me what I wanted to drink and I said, I am coffee. Because there's no. But I was having fun with it. I was like, there's no name for the coffee. And then they said, how do you want the coffee? And I, without thinking, said, I am black. Someone else say something now.

[Aisling Bea]

Hello, I'm Aisling. Be the new host of Off Menu podcast with James Acaster.

[James Acaster]

We're done.

[Ed Gamble]

We're done, man.

[James Acaster]

There's a man here tonight who punched a dad.

[Ed Gamble]

Deaf man in the ear. Yeah, Griff.

[Aisling Bea]

Do you know what, Griff? If you were laughing right now, you can talk. Yes. No, let's move on from. From that. If we can. If we can in any way. That's great.

[Ed Gamble]

We had the. Because it's a vegan cafe. When we went to Cafe Gratitude in LA together with Benito, we had the most vegan experience ever. So we walked in. It's already a vegan experience being in Cafe Gratitude. And guess who was sat in the cafe? Moby.

[James Acaster]

The OG Vegan.

[Ed Gamble]

The OG Vegan.

[Aisling Bea]

Moby. I always get mixed up between Moby. There's two songs. Is Moby. Is that Moby?

[James Acaster]

I don't think so. Who.

[Aisling Bea]

Who is that? Massive Attack.

[Ed Gamble]

Massive Attack.

[Aisling Bea]

Very good. Do you know what? More people should have said that. My girl's down the front. Thank you, ladies. Then Moby is

[James Acaster]

for the listener.

[Aisling Bea]

But it's. It's that same like. Isn't it, Moby? Moby is.

[Ed Gamble]

Moby is.

[Aisling Bea]

Sing to me, Edward.

[Ed Gamble]

Hi, I'm Moby.

[Aisling Bea]

What is. There's a famous Moby.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. No, that's. The lion sleeps tonight. Good try.

[Aisling Bea]

I am Moby. I'm really Moby. I'm a vegan. So sleep tonight.

[James Acaster]

A lovely vegan.

[Ed Gamble]

I won't eat you, Mr.

[James Acaster]

Lion.

[Ed Gamble]

Thanks for everything, ma'. Am.

[Aisling Bea]

What is the Moby song? Does anyone know if we're talking about.

[Ed Gamble]

A wimble, a wimble, you have to do it. If someone does it, you got to do it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. You got to start going a wimble way.

[Aisling Bea]

It's like, come on, Eileen. What?

[Ed Gamble]

From Jason Bourne.

[James Acaster]

Jason Bourne.

[Aisling Bea]

You know the one. Oh, yeah. Wait, now let me think of the Jason Bourne soundtrack. Cause that always helps me remember a Moby Singer song.

[James Acaster]

Ironic that we can't remember something from Jason Bourne.

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah, just. Just someone sing the tune. We're in the Royal Albert Hall. The acoustics will make you sound amazing.

[Ed Gamble]

I. All I remember about Moby is he released his entire album for available for adverts. So he's been on that music's been on loads of adverts, but I couldn't remember one song.

[James Acaster]

The album.

[Aisling Bea]

These two girls are the only people who are really here tonight. I'm. Do you know what I. I. No, I'm not gonna ask my boyfriend to sing it. Like, he's like a musical encyclopedia. Yeah, sing the song.

[Ed Gamble]

We don't know the fucking song.

[Aisling Bea]

You sing the song. Why is everything on us tonight?

[James Acaster]

Feels like there's so much pressure on us to do the work.

[Ed Gamble]

Benito, if you can.

[Aisling Bea]

I haven't had my birthday cake yet.

[Ed Gamble]

Bonito, if you can wriggle out of your shackles. Can you play a Moby song?

[James Acaster]

A little bit of moniker in my. Mambo. Number five is the opposite of what we like in America.

[Aisling Bea]

I'm going to go over here and I hope someone over here will be able to sing. Oh, James. Is Kettering Town fc.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Aisling Bea]

I knew I knew the Moby song. Does anyone here know the Moby tune?

[James Acaster]

What?

[Aisling Bea]

We'll move on, but you get the phones out.

[James Acaster]

Do you know who I hope listens to this podcast? Moby.

[Ed Gamble]

He will be.

[James Acaster]

What a day. Ruin her for him. That's all of them.

[Grow Therapy Advertiser]

All Alba.

[James Acaster]

No one knows my song.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, he'll be crying into a wee end of Moby's day, just weeping into a bacon sandwich. I don't know myself that little lies like that.

[Aisling Bea]

I feel terrible because. Yes, what is it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, hush.

[Aisling Bea]

Let the people sing.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, Lord, in my troubles with God don't nobody know.

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah, ain't nobody to hoot 80. That's what you were trying to do. That's what you were trying to do.

[James Acaster]

You said your worst version of it.

[Aisling Bea]

I just found that's what you were trying to do. And we all said you were foolish. We all said you were crazy. He knew. He knew. We didn't believe. The guy at the start was like, they're building a fort. There's a big wave coming, and we're like that crazy scientist. Well, that was a long walk for a ham sandwich.

[Bombas Advertiser]

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[James Acaster]

The question is, what is the side dish for this pizza? This is the drink side dish of Josh Whitaker Saag paneer.

[Ed Gamble]

Saag paneer.

[Aisling Bea]

Lovely. Very nice. But again, isn't too hot. I would feel Saag paneer.

[Ed Gamble]

It's, I'd say, one of the mildest

[James Acaster]

things in the world.

[Aisling Bea]

I love a bit of paneer. It's just like a lovely little chunky little texture when you get in there and you're like, oh, another bit and it's hard not to just eat it all immediately and then there's a sauce left. But I do like a cheeky little bit paneer. It's kind of like eating a pillow.

[Ed Gamble]

That's the second time you've talked about eating a pillow.

[Aisling Bea]

Is it?

[James Acaster]

Yes. You had a neck pillow that you were going to eat earlier. Now you're eating a pillow. Pillow.

[Ed Gamble]

Amazing that you'd forgotten you'd said that.

[Aisling Bea]

I did. I got so thrown by the Moby tangent, to be honest, and the people singing there and I thought it was a really beautiful moment. I'll never forget. What did Happen there? Yes. Paneer, saag paneer. Delicious choice, I would say.

[Ed Gamble]

Here's the question. Are you getting a slice of the pizza and dipping it into the saag paneer and scooping up a big bit?

[Aisling Bea]

Yes, yes, yes. I'm a big. Take the bits and make the little bits. Using little boats for using carbohydrates to make little breads and little alternative open sandwiches from the dinner that you have. Potato waffles. Stick it under things. Yum, yum, yum. Into the. Yes. Little tiny boats all filled with different products into your mouth each time. A new experience, a whole new world. Don't you dare close your eyes. As you'd say on your magic.

[James Acaster]

Are they my culture? You chose a lobster as the main and the mashed potato as a side. So are you scooping the lobster into the mashed potato?

[Aisling Bea]

No, because a lobster has its own shell. I would use a lobster, which is a harder texture, James, to put the mash onto. So then the lobster technically is acting as your bread and the potato is acting as your lobster.

[Ed Gamble]

How's it all going for you, Aisling, at the moment?

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah, I feel like. Like, I feel like Moby probably will feel after he. Is that. That is a song.

[James Acaster]

That is it.

[Ed Gamble]

That is it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you had lost it again, I don't know what the song was. Try and find it sets him off. Those adverts, man.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't like those adverts.

[James Acaster]

I absolutely hated them for a while. And then one of them got me the one when she's running for the trade and she's got attended something. He's like, what is it? She goes. I was like, that must suck for that guy. Yeah. She got him with that.

[Aisling Bea]

I don't think I've ever genuinely seen you laugh.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

For people just listening, James is the most joyous any of us have ever seen him. Remembering Domino, who

[James Acaster]

is so funny in that one advert. And it works that it's bad for all the rest of them are annoying and I hate it. And then it gets me on that one.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

That lady is the way she delivers it to that guy.

[Aisling Bea]

James Acaster. Talk to me about some of your inspirations and what. What comedy drives you to do what you do. The Domino Hoo Hoo advert.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely. Domino. Let's come up with another Domino who who advert.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

Let's write it together and maybe Dominoes will be listening to this.

[Ed Gamble]

What are the hallmarks of the Domino who adverts that we definitely need to include? Domino who obviously they need to say.

[James Acaster]

I think the main rule of it is that they just need to say domino who? Who at the end. And there needs to be some. Some sort of build up to them saying that where you wouldn't expect them to say it. And it doesn't need to make any sense why they're saying it.

[Aisling Bea]

Permission to pitch.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

So I'm doing a tune and I'm like. And I'm like, domino hoo Hoo.

[James Acaster]

They're like, moby, that would be good if the advert is like this. Yeah. Live off menu Live. Trying to remember Ashton going, what's the Moby song? Yeah. And then someone puts their hand up and he stands up and it's Moby himself.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

They go, what was the song, Moby? And he goes, domino. That's good.

[Ed Gamble]

That is good.

[James Acaster]

Domino who. Who is funny, though?

[Aisling Bea]

I can see if you were up close to see the actual joy in this man in the real James Acaster's eyes from remembering the Dominoes advert. Beautiful thing to watch.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

I knew you were in there. Really, James?

[Bombas Advertiser]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Oh, there you are, Peter.

[Aisling Bea]

It's you, Peter.

[James Acaster]

That would be that if I were. If I was in Hook. If I was Robin Williams and Hook.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

They would be like that with my face. Oh, there you are, Peter. And I'm like, damn it,

[Aisling Bea]

James. As the lost boy did I fly

[James Acaster]

up at the air I found my happy force.

[Aisling Bea]

Domino hoo Hoo.

[Ed Gamble]

That would be a good caption for the Queen and Paddington picture.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

What?

[James Acaster]

Domino. Oh, that would be a great advert. It's Paddington and the Queen and they're walking through all the clouds. They get to the pearly gates and she looks at him and he goes, domino. And then he pushes her into hell.

[Ed Gamble]

Hooray, Paddington.

[James Acaster]

Burn in hell, Mom. May you burn forever in hell, Mom.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Woohoo.

[Ed Gamble]

That's perfect.

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah, I know they're going to be delighted with all the free press.

[James Acaster]

No, it's dream drink time.

[Aisling Bea]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Your dream drink was a Love Me Good cocktail, which has never come back on the podcast, is you're the only one who's ordered a Love Me Good vermouth, cherry liqueur and whiskey. You still love a Love Me Good.

[Aisling Bea]

It was from. And I went back to the cocktail bar. It was from a cocktail bar in New York. Oh, my God, it was so delicious. And I keep on, what a surprise, forgetting the name of the cocktail bar because it was something like Airport Lounge, but it wasn't Airport Lounge. And I made a point to try and tell you guys and track it down afterwards and I have forgotten it again.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, does anyone know what the name of the bar was? Thank you.

[Aisling Bea]

Very good. Domino Hoos. But since then I have changed it to. Is it a whiskey sour? Which is the one with the egg whites on top?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, Whiskey Source.

[Aisling Bea]

And I was working with Jameson Whiskey for a while and they made me my own cocktail, guys. My own version of it with James and whiskey. And they made it green for St. Patrick's Day because it's my birthday the day before. As if you guys didn't know.

[Ed Gamble]

But, Nita, you could go and get a fucking cake right now. We're in so much. Get out of those. Get out of those shackles and go and get us a cake.

[James Acaster]

And tie yourself a little weed.

[Aisling Bea]

Anyways, I keep on looking behind me because I don't know what direction it's going to go. Anyways, you guys love it.

[James Acaster]

If at the end he just runs full pelt on stage with a cake, trips over and smashes his face into it, then we have to go home.

[Aisling Bea]

Bonita going, let me order cake. So, yes, and it was dyed green with something and had like an apple liqueur in it as well. Oh, my God. It was absolutely fantastic. Delicious.

[Ed Gamble]

I gotta say, Aisling, that sounds absolutely foul.

[Aisling Bea]

I know now that I describe it, but you would have drank one. Because I had them at my birthday party and I remember because I had a load of them being handed out at the start of my birthday party and everyone had a great time. And then the next day everyone had. And very bad days afterwards. Very, very bad. Loads.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

We called it the Day of the Green Shits. Yeah.

[Verizon Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Happy St. Patrick's Day. I've gone all out this year and

[Aisling Bea]

may the road rise to meet you on your travels. So, yes, that's now my current favorite. That was the green drink. The green. The green drink with the egg whites on top. Because you can trick yourself into thinking it's like a protein shake.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Well, do you want to have a quick guess at what Josh has picked?

[Aisling Bea]

Another tea.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

Tea.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

When I said a cocktail, look how much detail I went into to just describe a cocktail. That's what I mean. Wouldn't it. Would there be no more? Because for me, I. Everyone. Doesn't everyone just describe their cup of tea in case, like, a terrible disappointment is en route? You can't just say that and expect someone to bring you the drink you want. There's such a vast array of the ways you can make your tea.

[Ed Gamble]

To be fair, when Josh came on the podcast, he was promoting his tour, which is called Not My cup of Tea. So I think he just kept saying tea.

[Aisling Bea]

Interesting, interesting. Okay, so it's a brand new thing. So tea, yes, tea, I understand. Yes, yes.

[James Acaster]

I once did room 101 with Heston Blumenthal, and he said, you have. You should put the milk in first or a cup of tea. And that's the right way to make a cup of tea.

[Aisling Bea]

I mean, look at the sort of food he cooks. Do you know what I mean? Wild and wacky. Of course. A man puts his milk into his tea first, but is that how a person should behave during the normal day? But then what to get. Okay, so this isn't funny at all. This is just the science. I'm not a scientist. But then who is putting the tea bag in and then allowing boiling water infuses and allows the tea to escape. If you put a tea bag into cold milk, what you want is milk. I don't understand why anyone would ever put milk into the tea, because then the tea can't be used. And there's no point. You're not really using the bag.

[Ed Gamble]

But I think it all tastes the fucking same, personally.

[Aisling Bea]

Oh, it's Marmite to you.

[Ed Gamble]

It's all Marmite.

[Aisling Bea]

It's all Marmite to you.

[Ed Gamble]

What I used to like to do, I don't really drink tea. I drank a lot of squash when I was a kid. Blew my mind the first day I filled up the glass of water and then poured the squash in after the water. Watch it all move around.

[Aisling Bea]

You have to understand, children, the 90s were a different time.

[James Acaster]

We didn't have the Internet, we didn't have pornography addictions. We had to wank over squash. Put our squash in last. If you wanted a frill,

[Ed Gamble]

pour your squash in last. Rub your tummy. That's what I did.

[Aisling Bea]

In Ireland, the squash isn't called Robinson's. It's called My wadi. And what? Yes.

[James Acaster]

What's it called?

[Aisling Bea]

My wadi, James.

[James Acaster]

My wadi.

[Aisling Bea]

Wadi. My wadi. Shout out to my wadi drinkers.

[Ed Gamble]

My. My wadi.

[Aisling Bea]

My wadi. We can.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm so sorry, but it is a funny country sometimes, isn't it?

[Aisling Bea]

It's called my wadi.

[Ed Gamble]

My wadi.

[Aisling Bea]

My wadi. And if that one word, it's M I. Yeah. W A D I. My wadi.

[James Acaster]

My wadi.

[Aisling Bea]

And we. And I used to drink as a teenager. Vodka My wadi. And that was. My drink was Vodka my wadi. Like, that was a great cocktail in my town. And I remember coming to London for the first time and being at the bar and be like, hi, can I get a vodka? My wadi. And they were like, oh, sorry, what babes? And I was like, yeah, just a vodka, but in my wadi. I'm sorry. And to sit there and have to explain to that excited man.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

What I meant. And he was like, you mean Robinsons? I was like, I don't. I don't know who they are. I just didn't know what. But squat. You call it squash or Robinson's here. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Not my wadi.

[James Acaster]

Sipping my wadi.

[Aisling Bea]

Sipping on my wadi.

[James Acaster]

Not just anybody. Okay, so now I'm singing a Sam Campbell song. That's not helping anyone. You've seen that song. All right, all of you, do yourself a favor after this. Oh, is this put in Sam Campbell's Ricky Gervais?

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah, it's incredible.

[James Acaster]

That is funny, man.

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And then you'll think back to me singing sipping My Word. And you go, yeah, that was good. Yeah. So he wants another cup of tea. I mean, are you happy to have two cups of tea in this, in this meal?

[Aisling Bea]

I have tea all day long at all points. It's left all over the house. I go collecting in the evenings. I literally have a little basket and I go collecting the teas from around the house. Kind of like, again, my memory probably isn't the best. I'm like, oh, look at cheeky old me. Like little Easter eggs around the house.

[James Acaster]

Like at the end of Signs, but with tea. You've seen signs.

[Aisling Bea]

No, I haven't actually, James. I laughed along to yes and you, but I, to be honest, was frankly,

[James Acaster]

lost throughout the whole film. A little girl is like, she drinks these glasses of water, but she doesn't finish them. Yeah. And she just leaves them around the house. And spoiler alert here if you haven't seen signs. But, you know, it's been. It's been a long time. But at the end, the aliens turn up and Joaquin Phoenix, Mel Gibson realizes this is how long ago this film was. Mel Gibson realizes that the way to defeat the aliens is like, they're allergic to water. So he gets Joaquin Phoenix to go around and swing a baseball bat and smash all the glasses. So all the water goes on the aliens and then the aliens run away from the planet because I guess one person hit some water on one of them. So I'm saying it's like Signs, but with tea.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Go home, watch Signs. And then you'll think, oh, yeah, that was good.

[Verizon Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah, because you. So she left loads of glasses of half drunk water everywhere. Like, I drink tea because with Me. They said it was adhd, but maybe it'll be the aliens.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. It could be that there's an alien invasion gonna happen.

[Ed Gamble]

Adht. No one gonna say that. I've just got to say it really quickly. Adht.

[Aisling Bea]

Fantastic workout, Gamble, one clap. But that person really is important. Adhp, that is actually a Hollywood casting director that clapped and she liked your work.

[James Acaster]

Let's get on to the dream dessert here. Now, you chose hazelnut and pecan tart, which you said was in your dressing room tonight. Very nice of Benito to do that.

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah, very nice touch. Again, no birthday cake. It's not like there was a candle in it. They were just a little thing that

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

you guys did for me.

[James Acaster]

But I genuinely hope he sorted it out. Now, this. This half has been an hour and 10 minutes. I'm pretty sure he's had enough time to do it. If he hasn't done it, he's fired.

[Ed Gamble]

He will definitely be sat back there going, they don't think I do anything in doing this show. They think I've got time to go get a birthday cake. They don't value me at all.

[Aisling Bea]

Poor Benito.

[Verizon Advertiser]

Poor Benito.

[Ed Gamble]

That's what he sounds like.

[James Acaster]

Here's what's going to happen right at the end. We're going to say goodbye and then all the lights are going to go down and then the candles will come in and everyone's saying happy Birthday and then you'll blow the candles out and the lights come on and there'll be no cake. I'll go, domino. It was just a plate of candles.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

And I'll be all Moby again. Well, yes, I will change my dessert and I'll tell you what, I'm going to change my dessert too. And this is for my mother. My mother makes. Do we call it a dish? It's literally served in a dish. So I'd say we can call it a dish. My mother makes a thing called a lemon balm and it is notorious with anyone who's come to ever visit my mother's house, because the lemon balm can give you a bit of a lemon bum. It is made of basically cream, sugar and shaved lemon. And it's been my mother's go to dessert to make for people since the 1980s, which is the same probably lemon balm she keeps in the freezer. She defrosts it, gets out a slice for a guest, puts it back in the freezer. One time, my cousin Lorraine found an earwig in. In her slice and I was going out with someone who had ulcerative colitis, which is a very serious disease. Luckily, he'd been in remission for a while until he had my mother's lemon balm. And then it set off a period of ill health and she said that was down to weakness. But it was absolutely. Because that lemon balm had been in that freezer for as long as. As freezes have been invented. I'd say an earwig. An earwig. Well, I mean, like, I don't mind that. That's natural. And clearly at one point it had been because you, you put. Make it in a bowl and then freeze it and then you turn it up and go, ta da. And then you take it off and it's just a helmet of cream and. Oh, no, take out the sort of slices. And then at some point while it was sitting on the table defrosting in.

[Ed Gamble]

Sorry, I haven't heard a single you've said since Hellmet of Kareem.

[Aisling Bea]

An earwig got in there. It's very much like a sort of Irish Jurassic Park. You know, in Jurassic park, where they show the montage of how the little mosquito got stuck in the, in the, the tree. It was like this earwig got stuck in this lemon bomb. And then in, in, in future time, scientists are going to be like, there'll be DNA there to recreate Irish people.

[Ed Gamble]

Domino.

[James Acaster]

Well,

[Aisling Bea]

that's my new dessert choice.

[James Acaster]

Okay, well, let's see if Josh Whitakem chose an earwig in a lemon bomb. Josh Whitaker, dream dessert is Christmas chocolates and a cup of tea.

[Ed Gamble]

Another cup of tea for you, Ashley.

[Aisling Bea]

Yes, again, I just would. At least this time he said he wants it in a cup, which is just a bit of branching out rather than just tea. Yes. What was the bit before the tea?

[Ed Gamble]

Christmas chocolates.

[Aisling Bea]

Christmas chocolates.

[Ed Gamble]

The sorts of chocolates you might get at Christmas. I believe that lint balls were talked about.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Quite a lot.

[Ed Gamble]

Matchmakers.

[James Acaster]

What chocolates are at the Bee household?

[Aisling Bea]

Well, I worked in retail for many Christmases and I used to work in the Tommy Hilfinger shop, as my mother called it, and there was a woman who went around passing out Lindor balls. And there weren't many people coming into the shop. So every time I'd be like, with the Lindor balls. And now I can't even. They are technically delicious, but as the buttery little balls go down my neck, please, Bonito, don't do me a dirty and clip. That bit matched with some of James's absolute terrors this evening. I just still. I taste retail. Bad lighting and 17 versions of. That's what I taste when I taste Lindor balls.

[Bombas Advertiser]

Yep.

[Aisling Bea]

So I cannot do it no more, James. I cannot. And I will knee with Lindor balls.

[Ed Gamble]

So what would you. What would you have for your Christmas chocolates, then?

[Aisling Bea]

Well, a Christmas chocolate. Does he mean roses? Like tins of roses and stuff?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, it could be, but we didn't speak about roses. We spoke about celebrations. We spoke about matchmakers and we spoke about matchmakers. Yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

Is that a chocolate?

[Ed Gamble]

That's a chocolate. They're sort of like thin. They're thin sticks of chocolate. There's some. There's mint ones and there's orange ones you can get as well.

[James Acaster]

I don't like them.

[Aisling Bea]

Just don't like the thought of a thin mint stick. It's Christmas.

[Verizon Advertiser]

Live a little.

[Aisling Bea]

Do you know what I mean? You can be brushing your teeth now. Who's watching you? Do you know what I mean?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, what are you saying?

[Aisling Bea]

Santa's been and gone. You've got 364 days to be good, to make up for. Just be bad for a second. Don't have a mint stick on Christmas.

[Ed Gamble]

You can eat them stick by stick. Sure. And that's not fun, but I used to do, as fat little boy would, I. I'd grab a whole bushel, a bushel of sticks, and I just go to town on it, you know?

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So you can do that?

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah, you can do that. I still don't like the idea of a mint stick. Just feels like teeth brush in disguise. Teeth brush teeth. That is the plural of one toothbrush, many teeth brush.

[Ed Gamble]

Jordan, before we go, do you want to quickly rank the roses?

[James Acaster]

Rank the roses.

[Aisling Bea]

It's time to play rank the roses. Praline one, obviously. Number one straw, obviously. Yeah, obviously.

[James Acaster]

What's the green triangle?

[Aisling Bea]

Did I stutter? Praline, obviously. Number one, obviously. Green triangle. Is that it? Not in the. I was gonna say the Coronation streets.

[James Acaster]

Oh, sorry, am I getting my. I'm getting my chocolates mixed up. Yes, green triangles. Coronation Street.

[Aisling Bea]

Green triangle or Coronation street sweets. Yeah, praline ones. Orange ones. As I've grown older, I'll accept. And then I do like orange chocolate. I just don't like that fake sugary syrup that's in a melted in a chocolate. Which I think is fair enough, actually. And I don't like fake friends and I don't like fake oranges. No. Do you know what? I'm boring myself. I'm not going to continue.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, Ashling, one more thing. We do have to talk about from your episode. Your episode set off a chain of events in the world of Hollywood.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

You.

[Ed Gamble]

You revealed a specific bit of celeb gossip. Big celeb gossip on our. Sorry. James just tried to drink some water and it went all over the floor. What are you looking for, brother?

[James Acaster]

Just looking to see where it went on me. I'm fine. Just got the side of my leg a little bit.

[Aisling Bea]

We need to sell those T shirts. So it's like a wet T shirt competition. Sell that merch, baby. Did somebody say water? Go on. James,

[Ed Gamble]

you revealed on the podcast that Paul Rudd doesn't like sauces.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

How's that impacted your life since you revealed that piece of information?

[Aisling Bea]

Thank you for asking.

[James Acaster]

Not a real person tonight who doesn't like sources, by the way.

[Aisling Bea]

A real person. Oh, that's a person who like hard gravy.

[James Acaster]

I remember that name.

[Aisling Bea]

I like my gravy like I like my men. MCU don't like sauces either.

[Ed Gamble]

Lucy Clark.

[Aisling Bea]

What's your name there? Lucy. Lucy. So would you admit to that? Because here's what happened with me. I worked with Paul Rudd. We had a great old time. The man does not eat sauces. I'm talking all sauces or condiments. I sat with him. I ate with him. I looked into that man's eyes as he went.

[James Acaster]

Ah.

[Aisling Bea]

Every time I had ketchup. Ketchup. Then James and him. James goes full Hollywood. Does the Ghostbusters movie with him. Don't worry about it. James is so relaxed. He invites him on the podcast. Paul comes on and does me. And he does the. He goes on and goes. Yeah, I know Ashling said that, but I don't know. I kind of don't mind him sometimes. And he. He marmited. It.

[Ed Gamble]

It.

[Aisling Bea]

He didn't mind either way. And I was so annoyed and hurt.

[James Acaster]

Sweet embarrassing for you.

[Aisling Bea]

And then I tricked him into coming over to my house to see my baby. Clever, the new baby. But he barely got any time with me.

[Ed Gamble]

Paul, come over to the house and

[Aisling Bea]

see the girl in the house. What do you want to see a baby get a little cuddle?

[Ed Gamble]

Sure.

[Aisling Bea]

And then I forced him into a confession.

[Ed Gamble]

And you've brought the confession with you, haven't you?

[Aisling Bea]

I did bring the confession with me.

[Ed Gamble]

We can play the confession to the Royal Albert Hall.

[Aisling Bea]

Good. And rightly so.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Should we have a watch?

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Hi, everyone. I feel like I should probably

[Bombas Advertiser]

explain

[Ed Gamble]

why we're making this video. I'm over at Ashlyn's house right now, and she's not pleased with Me?

[Aisling Bea]

No. I just feel like you threw me under the bus and off my new podcast because I went on there and I told my truth, which is that I know that you don't like condiments, and that created a whole thing, and then they invited you on the show, and when you were on there, I feel like you underplayed it. Like, you're like, what is a du. I suppose I like some of them,

[Ed Gamble]

if I remember correctly. And I. I. By the way, there's a good chance I don't remember correctly, because, let's face it, I was plastered. I think I said something about barbecue sauce, which I. I could handle, because I do like barbecue, but you were right, and I apologize.

[Aisling Bea]

Would you eat that for.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

Would you eat this? It's a relish.

[Bombas Advertiser]

Is it?

[Aisling Bea]

Yes.

[Grow Therapy Advertiser]

No.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Aisling Bea]

Would you eat this mayonnaise?

[Grow Therapy Advertiser]

No.

[James Acaster]

Even the vegan one, the fact that

[Ed Gamble]

there's two different kinds of mayonnaise makes me hate them twice as much.

[Aisling Bea]

Would you eat this? Look at it.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't even want to look at it.

[Aisling Bea]

What about a mustard pole? You see? You don't like condiments.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't like any of those. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to throw you under the bus.

[Aisling Bea]

So, Ed Gamble and James A. Casper, please just right the wrong. This would run against my name. And please, for the sake of the child. I forgot that was in it. I forgot the baby was in it.

[James Acaster]

Amazing.

[Ed Gamble]

Perfect.

[Aisling Bea]

Good.

[James Acaster]

Appreciate that a lot. So what's your final verdict of Josh Widdicom's menu?

[Aisling Bea]

I think that I. We should be nicer to Josh. And I think that menu is a cry for help when you say we

[Ed Gamble]

should be nicer to Josh. Do you think it's a bit late? Bearing in mind every time we put a picture of him up, you said he looked like a pony.

[Aisling Bea]

You said. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you said, find the worst photo. I called him a tiny pony.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

I'll take it back.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Aisling Bea]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yep.

[Aisling Bea]

I think he. He. We should all love him for the beautiful man that he is. He's got a hair like Fuseli, or as you would call it, Lauren pasta. Beautiful gentleman, great friend, good man, lover of tea. And, yeah, I. I think his menu says that he. He craves safety in many ways, actually.

[James Acaster]

You know, comfort.

[Aisling Bea]

Comfort. Don't you think?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Aisling Bea]

Oh, there he is. Josh, you were here the whole time.

[Ed Gamble]

Imagine if we'd sort it out for Josh to be just lowered from the

[Aisling Bea]

scene with a birthday cake.

[Ed Gamble]

Stop talking about the birthday cake.

[Aisling Bea]

I know. I ruin my own surprises. I do it to myself,

[Ed Gamble]

actually.

[James Acaster]

What if we had sorted that out and then we forgot? And then at the end of our residency on the fourth night, he just drops down dead.

[Ed Gamble]

Skeleton.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Been up there for so long, still got his full, full head of hair.

[Aisling Bea]

Paddington comes along.

[James Acaster]

Yeah,

[Aisling Bea]

Domino.

[James Acaster]

Oh, that'd be great if Paddington said domino. Well, thank you so much, Ashton, for coming on in each Josh's dream meal.

[Aisling Bea]

Let me wipe the Franco Manca number five off my lips. This is how deep it.

[Verizon Advertiser]

See, this is.

[Aisling Bea]

You're doing what the editor did to Emily Blunt in the Alien film. You're leaving me hanging. I was just committing to the bit.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, sorry, I just remembered when you were doing that. I just remembered again when you said the buttery balls going down.

[Aisling Bea]

You incels are all the same.

[Verizon Advertiser]

Do you see?

[Aisling Bea]

When this podcast started, they barely even got a photograph. And now it's all filmed and everything and people can see us. But it used to be there'd be some nuance in just the spoken word alone, James. But no more. It's all tits and teeth with you guys. I'm having to wear the merch and everything. Bloody hell. Which is nice, actually, because I do call my boobs Gamble and Acaster. So together they are tits. Kumar, you said sell the merch. Just try and be a good friend.

[James Acaster]

You said sell the merch.

[Ed Gamble]

You said sell the merch. Tits.

[Aisling Bea]

Come on, push the merch.

[Ed Gamble]

Happy birthday to you What a surprise. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday. Ashley, Blush.

[Aisling Bea]

Where's my cash?

[Ed Gamble]

Happy birthday to you. Yay.

[Aisling Bea]

Thanks, guys.

[Ed Gamble]

I'd imagine, Aisling, we couldn't clear candles with the health and safety. And I'll be honest, whenever I see a Colin, the caterpillar with candles, it looks like a beast from hell.

[James Acaster]

Eat the face.

[Ed Gamble]

Eat the face. Eat the face. Eat the face.

[Aisling Bea]

You people are mean.

[Ed Gamble]

The face. You people are cruel.

[Bombas Advertiser]

Oh, no.

[Ed Gamble]

Why are you eating my face?

[James Acaster]

Oh, my God.

[Aisling Bea]

No one's ever put a microphone up to his face while he's been eaten. I'm so sorry,

[Ed Gamble]

I can't. You're leaving the eyes so he can see everything until the last minute.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Aisling Bea]

You were famous once, Colin. Oh, thanks, guys.

[James Acaster]

He's crying as a single tear. We can see it. He was just going, thank you for everything, mom, as he was being eaten.

[Ed Gamble]

And Aisling, thank you for everything, Mom. You've been absolutely fantastic.

[Aisling Bea]

James and Ed, everybody. Can I just say, these two boys, I always believed in them. I knew they was going to go far. No One else did everyone to their face and behind their backs like that was a piece of shit. No one likes them in a comedy circuit. You'll never do anything. No one listen. But look at them now.

[Ed Gamble]

Once more for Ashley B, everyone. Thank you so much, everyone.

[James Acaster]

Have a nice weekend.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you for coming. We'll see you in the next two nights if you're coming tomorrow, but thank you very much.

[Aisling Bea]

Bye bye.

[Ed Gamble]

There we go, everybody.

[James Acaster]

There we go. That was Ash and B at the Royal Albert Hall. Pretty good talking to us. Immediately afterwards, her partner came to the dressing room, opened the fridge and a bottle of wine fell out the fridge and smashed.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

On the floor. It was brilliant. Sounds like the Royal Albert hall. Bottle of white wine.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely KO'd. Yeah. And then they had to sweep it up. It was carpet as well, so it's like bits of glass in the carpet, all that. It was brilliant. He felt really bad.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Let me tell you, he didn't need to. I've seen him a couple of times since then and he's still apologizing.

[James Acaster]

He's still absolutely mortified.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So we're bringing it up now.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

To make him feel better. Yeah. But he's a great guy.

[Ed Gamble]

Great guy.

[James Acaster]

So we need him feel bad. And I'll tell you who else doesn't need to feel bad as Ashton B. For great being so fantastic.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Once again, fantastic guest and it was our first show at the Royal Upper hall of Six. So there's more of these to come.

[Ed Gamble]

Crazy.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely crazy. It really is. It's disgraceful. But, you know, got some bonus episodes out of it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. And there'll be more just around the corner. Bye bye.

[James Acaster]

Bye bye.

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