Ayoade Bamgboye

Summary

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster: Ayoade Bamboya (April 29, 2026)

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EPISODE OVERVIEW

In this vibrant, laughter-filled edition of Off Menu, comedians Ed Gamble and James Acaster welcome rising comedy star and Edinburgh Best Newcomer winner Ayoade Bamboya into the fantasy restaurant. The trio dive into food, cultural identity, and absurd tangents, as Ayoade crafts her dream meal and shares her unique perspectives on everything from British culinary quirks to career pivots and fecal clouds. Hilarity, warmth, and sharp insight define an episode that's as much about existential struggle as about the perfect Scotch egg.

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MAIN THEMES & PURPOSE

• Creating Ayoade’s dream menu: Starter, main, side, dessert, and drink, interwoven with her reflections on food, family, and identity.
• Comedy and creative process: Insights into Ayoade's transition from strategist to full-time comedian, reflections on inspiration, and life after winning Edinburgh’s Best Newcomer Award.
• Cultural humor: Jokes and thoughtful takes on British and Nigerian food, societal expectations, and life’s everyday oddities.
• Runaway riffing: From “eaters” (and other generational slang misfires) to imagined TV show reboots and kitchen architecture.

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DETAILED EPISODE SUMMARY

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1. INTRODUCING AYOADE BAMBOYA (03:32–10:45)

• Award and buzz: Hosts praise Ayoade’s triumph at Edinburgh Fringe and recap the excitement around her tour “Swings and Roundabouts.”
  • “Everyone was calling you the anchor.” – Ed Gamble (04:27)
• Vibes & rapport: Immediate chemistry, jokes on getting on each other's nerves, and playful banter about listener expectations.
• Secret ingredient warning: “Biscoff”—if mentioned in Ayoade’s menu, she’d be ejected from the “restaurant.” (06:10)
  • “It’s insidious. It’s everywhere.” – Ed Gamble (06:21)

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2. ABOUT AYOADE: FOOD, FAMILY, & COMEDY (10:46–17:15)

• Not a ‘foodie,’ but an ‘eater’: Ayoade distinguishes between technical food knowledge and pure joy in eating.
  • Favorite lowbrow treats: Greggs sausage, bean & cheese melt; spicy Korean carbonara noodles.
  • “I love a sausage, bean and cheese melts from Greg’s. Inject that directly into my veins…” – Ayoade (11:16)
  • Generational language gap: “Eater” as innuendo vs. innocent term to older hosts.
  • “Back in our day, we used to just say legend.” – Ed Gamble (13:08)
• Creativity and quitting the day job: Ayoade recounts leaving advertising for stand-up, the process of developing “Swings and Roundabouts,” and the ongoing need for external inspiration—even taking (unsuccessful) job applications at Waterstones for material.
  • “I think doing comedy full time, I'm like, what am I looking at? Where is it going to come from?” – Ayoade (15:25)

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3. RAPID-FIRE BANTER: BRITISH INSTITUTIONS & ABSURD DETOURS (17:16–29:06)

• Waterstones roleplay: Comedy scenario on personalized book recommendations for James (“Kettering section!”).
• Fun shoe facts: Kettering’s historical boot-making; “Kinky Boots.”
• Hosts’ TV scandal: Hilarious retelling of James’s infamous outburst on Saturday Kitchen and the subsequent 232 complaints to the BBC.
  • “This shit drinker… there was a model of a polar bear and he punched it in the face…” – Ed Gamble (21:46)
• Warmth vs. dryness: Ayoade’s perceptive (and affectionate) personality read on both hosts.

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4. DRINK & BREAD – SETTING THE TABLE (19:01–29:12)

Still or Sparkling?

• Ayoade: Bottled still water, not tap, due to stomach issues and “parliamentary debate” on waterway pollution. (19:03–20:13)
  • “I don’t know any filter that could get this stuff out of my water.” – Ayoade (19:30)
• Observation: Both hosts are “warm,” “approachable,” and “British treasures.” (20:23)

Bread Course

• Choice: Bread over “lobs”; loves fresh flatbread and delicate rosemary focaccia (with “not too sharp” sprigs).
  • “Bread is just one of my great loves... it's the ultimate sign of someone giving you love.” – Ayoade (25:49)
• Tangent: Imagined relationship with a baker and wild visions about bakers on class A drugs.
• Jonathan Creek reboot: Ayoade pitches herself as the new Creek, Stephen Merchant as sidekick, and a speaking dog with crow ancestry—skilful, comedic improvisation.
  • “Steven Merchant and the dog – but it’s my dog.” – Ayoade (28:20)

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5. STARTER – SCOTCH EGG (31:11–38:18)

• Choice: Classic Scotch egg with a runny yolk, no extra bells/whistles.
  • “A modern feat of engineering. It gives me hope for a better tomorrow.” – Ayoade (32:30)
• Accompaniments: Prefers homemade mayo with a hint of tang, possibly a touch of sriracha or truffle, but absolutely not wasabi (“My chest…too hot.”), and not good with spicy foods despite Nigerian heritage.
  • “If any Yoruba people comment... and claim they are amongst those who can’t have spice, delete the comments.” – Ayoade (38:50)
• Ayoade’s culinary humility: Embracing the “mystery” of how Scotch eggs get made, resisting foodie snobbery.
• Memorable moment: Hilarious scenario of Joel Dommett being caught mid-Scotch egg with yolk on his chin at a gig.
  • (36:27)

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6. MAIN COURSE – SMOKY JOLLOF RICE WITH AYAMASE, PLANTAIN, COLESLAW & MOIMOI (40:55–46:59)

• Choice: “Smoky jollof rice with ayamase (green stew), plantain, coleslaw, and moimoi (bean cake with egg).”
  • “The rice is fluffy... it’s like it’s in a 3D printer… it’s just some auntie in the back putting her back into it.” – Ayoade (43:54)
• Cultural “jollof wars” RESOLVED:
  • “It’s not even [Nigerian or Ghanaian]... Jollof rice from Senegal – that’s the original. Both of ours are second!” – Ayoade (43:11)
• Meat: Preferably added through the stew—could be beef, chicken, smoked turkey, gizzard, plantain (“gizdo”), and “little pieces of tripe.”
  • “I love a smoked turkey, like a turkey wing... a labor of love to consume this meal.” – Ayoade (45:16)
• Convenience tip: Recommends “Tasties” ready meals for a jollof fix.
• Tripe tangent: Shoutout to offal, confronting Western queasiness.
• Fecal clouds detour: Hilarious, half-horrified discussion of toilet air contamination and the dangers of bringing drinks into public bathrooms.
  • “If you’re in a bar or pub, don’t take your drink into the toilet because there are fecal clouds.” – Ayoade (47:35)
  • “The weight of existence…” – Ayoade (48:44)
• Public shitting liberation: Stand-up comedy as an initiation into using public toilets without shame. (49:45–50:50)

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7. SIDE DISH – TENDERSTEM BROCCOLI (52:36–54:47)

• Choice: “Tenderstem broccoli/broccolini with rock salt, olive oil, garlic—crunchy, still with nutrients.”
  • “I want to feel like I’ve also had my five-a-day.” – Ayoade (53:04)
• Grown-up food or genuine love? Embracing multiplicity: it’s healthy and delicious, and a ritual with friends.
• Kitchen gadget tangent: Admiration for steamers, but kitchen minimalism wins out.
• Dream homes: Two or three kitchens (“cooking kitchen” and “show kitchen”); discussing the logic of separating fragrant food prep from guests' eyes.

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8. DRINK – MARGARITA (60:35–64:45)

• Choice: Classic Margarita, alternating with Tommy’s Margarita; salt rim, none of the over-iced, “frozen” nonsense.
  • “Just give me the mug, salt rim… Tommy’s margarita, just a little bit sweeter…” – Ayoade (63:09)
• Dry January skepticism: Believes it’s foolish to abstain in the darkest month: “I don’t pretend.”
• No to spiced margs: Spicy margaritas blamed for the breakdown of the UK’s social contract; spicy cocktails (like the Soho House “Picante”) get roasted.
  • “Why am I drinking pep? Who came up with it?” – Ayoade (63:56)
  • “It puts the zing in my ding a ling.” – Ed Gamble (64:04)
  • “Don’t you ever say that again.” – Ayoade (64:08)

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9. DESSERT – STICKY TOFFEE PUDDING (67:12–70:09)

• Choice: Sticky toffee pudding, custard not ice cream, must be rich with dates and drowning in treacle sauce.
  • “With so much treacle sauce that a Victorian child will be dead by the end of the day.” – Ayoade (68:32)
• Pet peeve: Establishments skimping on dates or sauce; calls for champagne-like quality control.
• Custard/sauce swirl: Visual and sensual delight in the marbled plate.
• Gordon Ramsay love: Hilarious, admiring tangent on Ramsay’s ability to detect microwaved food and his Nigerian-like directness.

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NOTABLE QUOTES & MEMORABLE MOMENTS

• On bread & love:

  “Bread is just one of my great loves… it's the ultimate sign of someone giving you love.” – Ayoade (25:49)

• On winning Edinburgh and writing to live:

  “I find it very difficult to exist… but it would not be prudent to exit permanently. So I write to keep myself here.” – Ayoade (14:18)

• On “eater” and generational slang:

  “You guys look really great… But we are old men who don't know what people are talking about anymore.” – Ayoade & James (12:50–13:01)

• On British cuisine and colonial wounds:

  “I nurse a colonial wound. But the fact that the Scotch egg comes out of this place… it gives me hope for a better tomorrow.” – Ayoade (31:29–31:53)

• On sticky toffee pudding:

  “With so much treacle sauce that a Victorian child will be dead by the end of the day.” – Ayoade (68:32)

• On the spicy marg trend:

  “It’s one of the reasons why the UK social contract is failing… We need to have a dialogue about the spicy margarita.” – Ayoade (63:34)

• On kitchen dreams:

  “My new thing now is I want to be more like everyday girl… but actually I want two kitchens.” – Ayoade (56:23)

• On Gordon Ramsay:

  “He moves [the plate] around like this… one of the ways he knows it’s been microwaved.” – Ayoade (72:09)

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TIMESTAMPED HIGHLIGHTS

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | Key Moments/Quotes | |-----------|-----------------------------------------------|--------------------------------------------------| | 06:10 | Secret ingredient: Biscoff | “It’s insidious. It’s everywhere.” | | 11:16 | Food preferences/Not a foodie | “Inject that directly into my veins…” | | 14:18 | Comedy as survival | “I write to keep myself here…” | | 19:03 | Still or sparkling water | “Has to be bottled… what they're dumping in there…”| | 25:49 | Bread as love | “Bread… is the ultimate sign of someone giving you love.” | | 31:29 | The redemptive Scottish egg | “I nurse a colonial wound… it gives me hope…” | | 38:50 | Yoruba and spice | “If any Yoruba people comment… delete the comments.”| | 43:11 | Jollof wars—final verdict | “It’s from Senegal… Both of ours are second!” | | 47:35 | Fecal clouds | “If you’re in a bar or pub, don’t take your drink into the toilet…”| | 53:04 | Side: Tenderstem broccoli | “I want to feel like I’ve also had my five-a-day.”| | 56:23 | Dreaming of two kitchens | “But actually I want two kitchens.” | | 63:56 | Spicy margarita complaints | “Why am I drinking pep? Who came up with it?” | | 68:32 | Sticky toffee pudding: dangerous amounts | “So much treacle sauce a Victorian child will be dead…”| | 72:09 | Gordon Ramsay admiration | “He moves [the plate] around… checking temperature…”|

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CONCLUSION

Ayoade Bamboya’s Off Menu is a whirlwind of culture, wit, and appetite, blending deep fondness for both British and Nigerian dishes with existential humor and a sharp comedic voice. Her menu is simultaneously comforting and adventurous, and the conversation covers everything from Scotch eggs to world politics, public toilets, and imaginary talking dogs. The result is a rich, hilarious, and heartfelt episode—a recommended listen for food enthusiasts, comedy nerds, and anyone who savors the unpredictable.

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FULL DREAM MENU

• Drink: Still, bottled water
• Bread: Fresh flatbread/focaccia with rosemary or Filipino pandesal (from Ramo Soho)
• Starter: Classic Scotch egg with runny yolk, homemade mayo (maybe a dash of sriracha or truffle)
• Main: Smoky Senegalese-inspired jollof rice with ayamase (green stew), plantain, coleslaw, moimoi
• Side: Tenderstem broccoli with rock salt, olive oil, garlic
• Drink: Alternating margarita and Tommy’s margarita (NO spicy version)
• Dessert: Sticky toffee pudding, dates-rich, drowning in treacle sauce, with custard

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“What else is there?” – Ayoade Bamboya (68:54)

Transcript

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I'm on tour.

[James Acaster]

I'm on tour until August and there are still tickets [e-mail] I'm looking at you. Glasgow, Belfast. Oh, there was somewhere else. Just please go on the website and buy tickets please. Jamesacaster.com

[Sponsor Voice]

we're lost. If the show starts without us, there's no hiding in the back row.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I'm gonna ask that man for directions.

[Sponsor Voice]

Hi there. We're trying to get to the comedy club.

Well, you're gonna take a left at the old O at this here road.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Nah, I'm just kidding.

[Sponsor Voice]

Let me get my phone out.

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[Ed Gamble]

Howdy folks. This episode of Off Menu is brought to you by Boar's Head. The Fryer's turkey breast.

[James Acaster]

Imagine at a backyard tradition, okay. A sun drenched afternoon, a massive vat of bubbling oil, and a man named Big Dave wearing goggles.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a lot of effort for a bird.

[James Acaster]

It's a lot of effort for a lunch, isn't it? Well, what if I told you that Boar's Head has brought that exact backyard tradition right to the deli counter?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I'd say, James, you finally lost it, and I think you lost it a while ago. But this is beyond the pale.

[James Acaster]

Boar's Head brings to the deli the taste of of deep fried turkey. It's all the seasoning and that golden fried glory of the Friar's turkey breast. But without Big Dave having to set up a perimeter in your garden.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh man, that sounds genuinely incredible.

[James Acaster]

Only from Boar's Head, Ed. It's basically craftsmanship you can eat. Speaking of which, you lot listening need to get down to your local deli counter and experience the difference. Boar's Head makes the Friar's turkey breast in stores now. It's delicious. It's golden. It's the taste of.

[Ed Gamble]

Of deep fried bull's head. Committed to craft since 1905. Welcome to the off menu podcast. Toasting the pitter breads of conversation. Taking the knife of humor, punching a little hole of chat into the pitta bread and releasing the steam of bad vibes.

[James Acaster]

That's a gamble. My name is James Acaster. Together we own a dream restaurant. Every single week we invite a guest asking a favor. Ever start a main course dessert side dish and drink? Not in that order. And this week our guest is Ayoade Bamboya.

[Ed Gamble]

Ayoade is a wonderful comedian. James won the best newcomer award at the most recent Edinburgh Festival.

[James Acaster]

That's a big deal, man. Everyone was talking. I wasn't at the Edinburgh fringe this year. No, no, no. But I heard so much about. Yes, yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Better vibe.

[James Acaster]

Yes. Okay. But I heard a lot about.

[Ed Gamble]

We felt free and light. We all. We were all saying.

[James Acaster]

Some people were saying they felt free and light.

[Ed Gamble]

They were dragged down by the anchor. That was James Aaster. We. Everyone was calling you the anchor.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's good thing. Anchor keep everyone.

[Ed Gamble]

Not if you want to swim.

[James Acaster]

But everyone's saying that I wanted show was absolutely brilliant. So like I'm very excited. I've only. We've only met once.

[Ed Gamble]

I've only met already once and it's one of the funniest conversations I've ever had. So I'm looking forward to this episode.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

What happened Yeah. I think I got on her nerves quite quickly, so I think it's going to be a really nice. Nice to and fro.

[James Acaster]

Great. That's good. That's good to know. I think I got on her nerves as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. So this will be fun.

[Ed Gamble]

This going to be fun. Have you met her before? Yes. Did you get on her nerves?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

God, you're here then.

[James Acaster]

I find that hard to believe. Yeah. Iwan is going on tour.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

With her show Swings and Roundabouts.

[Ed Gamble]

That is the award winning show.

[James Acaster]

So absolutely right now pause the podcast and get tickets for it because it's going to sell out by the end of this sentence.

[Ed Gamble]

You've got to go.

[James Acaster]

You got to go. That's going to. These are hot cakes. These are hot cakes.

[Ed Gamble]

You got to. You got to. James is not pointing at his own butt when he says that. He's talking about the tickets.

[James Acaster]

Just to be clear. Just. If the listener could always assume I'm not pointing at my own butt, that'd be great.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Although even the stop clock is.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Points at his own butt twice a day. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

One of those Mickey Mouse clocks.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah. Can't help it. Poor Mickey. He's got no. No choice in the matter. Sometimes

[Ed Gamble]

if Ayoade says a secret ingredient.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

That we have pre decided upon, she will be removed from the restaurant. We don't want to do that.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

It's talking to her. But she might be grateful for it if we start to get on her nerves again.

[James Acaster]

That's true.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

And this week the secret ingredient is Biscoff.

[Ed Gamble]

Biscoff. Now, this is gonna be a very controversial one. It was suggested to us by a member of the audience at one of our live pallad.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And I don't think it went down very well on the night either. People love Biscoff. But what we do all agree on is it's insidious. It's everywhere.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely everywhere. The market is oversaturated with Biscoff.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, Biscuff and everything.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Biscoffin. Absolutely everything of ice cream.

[Ed Gamble]

Biscoff spread brownies. Biscoff. Biscoff brownies. Biscoff sun cream.

[James Acaster]

I wasn't even aware it was a biscuit. For ages.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Lotus biscuits.

[James Acaster]

The Lotus biscuits. People love them. But, you know, also a lot of people have had enough of them and don't want to. Don't want Biscoff being in absolutely everything.

[Ed Gamble]

It's the salted caramel problem, it's the truffle problem, it's the pulled pork problem.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. So I Think it's fair enough? Secret ingredient.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Because it's in everything. It's a bit of a risky one.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it is.

[James Acaster]

It could. It, you know, could backfire. Could happen. Could. Could happen in the starter.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Be nice.

[Ed Gamble]

What?

[James Acaster]

You never know, man. It's in everything these days.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't forget this is out on YouTube tomorrow. If you're listening to this on the day it comes out, it will be available to watch in full on the YouTube tomorrow. And you can see all the times that James is definitely gonna point at his own butt.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. So you're pretty constant.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Oh, boy. That's Mickey Mouse.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Oh, boy.

[Ed Gamble]

This is the off menu menu of Ayoane Bamboy. Welcome, Iowa Day to the dream restaurant.

[James Acaster]

Welcome Iwade bad boy to the dream restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

This is beautiful. Do that again.

[James Acaster]

Welcome Iwade bad boy to the dream restaurant. I've been expecting you for some time.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Oh, that's lovely.

[James Acaster]

First time it's been requested. A second time.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. First time ever someone's wanted him to do it again.

[James Acaster]

I really spat that. Second time.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Because I do. I wasn't expecting the volume.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Sort of. Because it was sort of that. There was a spectrum of volumes there that shocked me and I excited me.

[James Acaster]

I went in.

[Ed Gamble]

I went in quite normal. And then James. Really?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. Also normal, I guess.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Also normal for him, I suppose. Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It was sort of passive aggressive in a way that. Yes, I enjoyed as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. I do passive aggression quite well, I think. Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I prefer aggression.

[James Acaster]

That says a lot.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Let's actually just fight. Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

How you found Dad's, like, before the podcast, how did you find him? Like when you were chatting to him, was it nice?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I found him warm.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, that's nice.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes. You smile with your eyes.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, good.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Normally with Caucasian men, you know, it's a mixed bag.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

You get people who, you know, you speak to them and it's like, I. I can't wait to never speak to you again.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

But not with you.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, that's nice. That's lucky. Because we've got to speak now for quite a long time, I'd say.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I can't wait.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Imagine if you'd arrived and you've gone, they're not smiling with their eyes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

And now I've got to speak to them on camera.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I would have had to abscond immediately. I've come in and then I would have rushed out. Yes.

[James Acaster]

You'd be the first guest who's Absconded.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

No one's ever absconded.

[James Acaster]

We haven't had any absconders so far.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

That's a fantastic track record.

[Ed Gamble]

We've had no shows, but we've not had absconders.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

No shows, as in you were waiting for them and they didn't.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

But they didn't tell you that they weren't coming. No, that's not possible.

[Ed Gamble]

No, they told us they weren't coming, but, like, very late. We've been here waiting and then they. And then they don't show up, which feels like a no show to me. Would you call that a no show?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

That's a no show. That. That is. I think that's an affront.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Yeah, we've had a few affronters, but never an absconder.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I would never, ever do that to somebody.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Unless I hated them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

To shout out a few people you hate before we start the podcast.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Some of them, obviously, we are posthumous thing, but Henry Kissinger, I'm glad that you're dead. Is this camera this. Which one? This one?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's the Kissinger cam.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Rory Stewart, I hate everything that you stand for, as well as that freakishly tall man you sit beside. Who else do I have in my. In my thoughts? Joe Budden? I. I hate you.

[Ed Gamble]

But not Biden.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

But not.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, Biden.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I mean, you can't hit somebody who. Whose brain cells are. I mean, his brain is smooth.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So there's nothing he can do about that. I'm censoring now. Like.

[Ed Gamble]

You're censoring now.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

The media training's kicked in now. Has it?

[James Acaster]

Yes. Let's talk about food. You're. Are you a foodie?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So I'm not a foodie. I can't pretend to. To know the. The ins and outs. I don't get bogged down in the money ship, but I love to eat.

[Ed Gamble]

I think that makes you a foodie.

[James Acaster]

I think so.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Well, I did Google, when I found out that I was coming here, I googled the definition of foodie and I think there's some kind of, like, gastronomical.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Knowledge.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

That, you know, you go into the history, you go into, like, recipes, down to the sort of metric, like forensic knowledge. Yeah, I don't have that. I mean, I. I love a sausage, bean and cheese melts from Greg's. Inject that directly into my veins. I love, you know those noodles, the carbonara ones, the Korean carbonara noodles.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah. Which the.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

This pink.

[James Acaster]

Oh, no.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Bulldak.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, bulldak. Noodles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The one with the. The spicy ones have got the chicken on the front is like breathing fire.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Exactly. But I love the pink one, which is like a spicy carbonara.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So there was this. There was a period that I ate that every day for about two months.

[Ed Gamble]

How was that gastricly for you?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Because I've not recovered. You're looking at me right now. My stomach is growling in a bad way. But that's the kind of thing I eat.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So I'm flexible.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

But I think those are things that a foodie would maybe bristle at.

[Ed Gamble]

But you say you would consider yourself an eater rather than a foodie.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

This is it.

[Ed Gamble]

You get joy from food, but you don't.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. The problem now is that eater has some connotations.

[James Acaster]

Really.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. And it has somebody who eats the pussy.

[James Acaster]

I don't know.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm not up to date with all the terms.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Often on this podcast, this happens when Ed and I.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Who are. He's 39.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you. I'm 41 at the time of recording.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

You guys look really great.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you so much.

[James Acaster]

Thank you. But we are old men who don't know what people are talking about anymore.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Right.

[James Acaster]

So we get told by our more. By our younger, more in touch, in tune guests that what we've just said is we like to eat.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes. So if he's an eater.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, He.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

You want an eater is what is. Basically.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Back in our day, we'd just say legend.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Why would you say that?

[Ed Gamble]

Legend.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, we said that about everything, though.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It's not even specific.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we knew, we knew back in the day. That guy's a legend. Be like that guy.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

He's a. Oh, wow. This is going to be so much fun.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I think so. I think so.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

He is. Yes. I'm. I'm. I'm Anita, I guess.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

Congratulations.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes, thank you.

[James Acaster]

Swings and roundabouts.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Swings and roundabouts.

[James Acaster]

You. Your new, new tour, it's very exciting.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It's. It's kind of crazy. I went to Edinburgh with this show and I just thought to myself, look, you put your best foot forward. And I started writing it because I thought maybe I want to really give comedy. Like I want to try. And so I quit my job. I was working at advertising as a strategist and I said, I'm going to give it a year. And the year has actually gone considerably.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, you've got it. You've got to say it's gone well.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah, it's gone considerably. Well, and a lot of, like, swings and roundabouts, like, inspired by my, like, pain and my. I find it very difficult to. To exist and. But it would not be prudent to. To exit permanently. So I. I write to keep myself here and swings around. The bus was basically, like, all of those things in one place. And people. People have been so gracious and kind.

[James Acaster]

How long has it been now since you quit your job?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

A year and a half.

[Ed Gamble]

Wow.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So you're going back to work soon?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I was applying for a job.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I was applying because. Because there's something, you know, with comedy, it's like, you can't write. I don't know if you guys have this, but, like, nothing comes from nothing, you know? Like, I feel like even with swings and roundabouts, a lot of it came from just, like, being in the office.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And listening to those, like, you know, this, like, English idioms and turns of phrase that just, like, sort of move the day along. And it really. It was so, so useful for me to soak that up in situ. And I think doing comedy, like, full time, I'm like, what am I looking at? Sure. Like, where. Where does this. Where is it going to come from?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Like, I need a lady called Helen emailing me, talking about. It's just. We're circling back, like, what are you talking about, lady? But it just. It gives you that, like, the stim.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I know. I know what you mean. You need to be in contact with the world outside of comedy to. To get that inspiration.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes, exactly. I applied to a job at Waterstones. I was, unfortunately, didn't get. I didn't even get to interview stage, really. And I told them that I won the prize at Edinburgh, but I don't think it cut through.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think that's necessarily what they're looking for at Waterstones, but somebody, you

[Ayoade Bamboya]

know, somebody who is affable, somebody who is, you know, tried and tested on stage.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I think it would be useful for sales. But it didn't.

[Ed Gamble]

But they're not with books. I don't think they're looking for, like, it's not, like, they don't need. When I go into Waterstones, no one's coming up to me and going, so, what sort of thing are you looking for? You look like. Like, there's no banter in Waterstones.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I would bring up. But I'd bring that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. But I don't think they want that. Clearly.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I was telling them you wanted, but they said, no way.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

If James walked into Waterstones, and you'd got the job. Are you. How are you selling a book to James? Are you going straight up to him?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And that's tough because I would. I would. I would have to. I think I would say, you know what? I know you're James, a caster.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, right.

[James Acaster]

Okay. Great.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So I would take him to the Kettering section. I say, James, I know your background.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

One of my best friends, Casey Mulligan, she's from Kettering.

[James Acaster]

That's exciting.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. Katie and Amanda, they're from Kettering.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So I'll take you to catering section and I'll show you A to Z

[James Acaster]

all the catering books.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Of course.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

That's great. I'd love to buy a book about Kevin.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Is there a catering section in there? Yes, you may.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. 100%.

[Ed Gamble]

As soon as he arrives.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

You may be made already, just in case. In the. In the. In the.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

In case of inquisities.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And you'd be surprised because you're like, I didn't know there was a Kettering section here.

[James Acaster]

That's good and passionate.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I just tried it on the size.

[James Acaster]

Good.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I enjoyed that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Well, I'd really appreciate that if I went into what. So I think they should. They should have given you. That's Waterstone's loss. They didn't give you that job.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I think so, too.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, it is, absolutely.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Although I don't have any Kettering facts. I should ask Katie about that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

What's a Rand. A very, very random thing. Kettering. That people should know.

[James Acaster]

Edmund Hillary's boots that he wore a Pepperis. First man of Pepperus were made in Ken.

[Ed Gamble]

That's pretty good. I thought you said they're still in Kettering or they're in a museum or something.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

But did he survive the.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

First.

[James Acaster]

First person to pay for us. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But first person down as well.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So he did. So he didn't survive.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Amazing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I wonder why they've made that.

[James Acaster]

Those used to be a lot. A lot of shoe manufacturers around.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Kinky Boots obviously, was set in Northampton and.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah, that's very good.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Do you like shoes?

[James Acaster]

Not as much as. I should give them my.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Given your background. Yeah, Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I should. I should love them more into the

[Ed Gamble]

history of where you're from.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. By the time I was born, you know, Thatcher had absolutely gutted all of Northamptonshire and all the, like, all the industry kind of gone. So, like, that's insane.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Imagine what shoes would have come out of Kettering.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

If things didn't pan out the way they did. Yeah, they would have. Making Louboutins up there.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[Ed Gamble]

Nike could have started in Catherine.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Exactly, exactly. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

We always start with still. A sparkling water. Do you have a preference?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I have to be still because of my stomach issues. Yeah, yeah. Has to be still. Just less, because I think the bubbles fill me up a little bit more. So I just want to keep enough space.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So still water is okay, but from the bottle, it has to be. Tap water is. It's not. It's not appropriate.

[Ed Gamble]

Why? Why is it not appropriate?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So I. I watched a parliamentary debate about the waterways, the British waterways, and what they're dumping in there. I don't know any filter that could get this stuff out of my water.

[Ed Gamble]

What sort of stuff are they putting in the sewage?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

We can't risk it, boys.

[Ed Gamble]

No, we can't. I do. I do risk it all the time.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

You can't.

[Ed Gamble]

But I don't know whether that's just. I'm thinking, God, just. You deserve to drink.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

We need to unpack that.

[Ed Gamble]

No, but, like, yeah, everyone else. If other people are drinking it, who am I? Who am I to say yes? Oh, I'm a gamble. I don't drink shit.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Come on.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

But you guys are. You guys are more. You guys are every. I love this. You're approachable.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

You have this sort of. You could be anybody off the streets.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Thank you.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

We meant as a compliment.

[Ed Gamble]

We blend.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. And you're so.

[Ed Gamble]

You.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

You. You. There's a warmth to you. I mean, to you. But you have. Yours is more. I wouldn't say prickly, but I would say it's this.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

What's that? So for the listeners, you're.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

This means spreading your hand because they can't see.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Oh, I forgot.

[Ed Gamble]

Some people can see.

[James Acaster]

Some people can see.

[Ed Gamble]

Right.

[James Acaster]

With the cameras.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Okay. That's true.

[Ed Gamble]

They can't.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

They. They actually can't see. That's true. James. James is more.

[James Acaster]

Take all the time you need.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes. I believe in a pregnant pause. James is more dry.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes, it's dry.

[Ed Gamble]

Sardonic.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Sardonic. That is the word.

[Ed Gamble]

Wow.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes, but you get. But I. I see why you're. You're British treasures, both of you.

[Ed Gamble]

That's the first time we've been called British treasures before.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Absolutely.

[James Acaster]

I mean, a lot of people would disagree. I mean, obviously, no one listened to this podcast. They all say, we're definitely treasures. They listen deliberately.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But when we went on I love whatever Saturday Kitchen, everyone hated us. Yeah, that happened just before Christmas.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

What was the. What was the sort of way.

[James Acaster]

Mainly Ed's behavior, I'm honest.

[Ed Gamble]

You'll be amazed to hear it wasn't my behavior at all.

[James Acaster]

This shit drinker, they do a vote

[Ed Gamble]

thing where the audience vote for which dish they want cooked. And we both brought in dishes that we wanted to be cooked for us. And James lost the vote and he reacted by smashing up the set. There was a model of a polar bear and he punched it in the face and he shook the Christmas tree around and he flipped the wreath off the table and screamed at the top of his voice on live television.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Right.

[Ed Gamble]

And we thought it was really funny. And then I opened my Instagram and found out it wasn't funny at all.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

There are 232 complaints made to the BBC saying I should never be allowed a BBC anymore.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I think BBC, please forgive him. Forgive James.

[Ed Gamble]

I think the BBC loved it, actually.

[James Acaster]

I hope so. I hope they're in my corner. The bee. But I actually haven't heard from them off the back of it. No.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Oh, mate.

[James Acaster]

I think the. I mean, this could set people off again. Because I think the general. The understanding that the public had was that if that many complaints get made, the BBC have to do a formal investigation. That is what was going around in, like, some newspapers was like online newspapers. Yeah. Were like that. So now there has to be a formal investigation. There's been as many complaints and obviously there wasn't one, because the BBC aren't wasting their time and resources formally investigating what was clearly in the room. A joke.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And everyone was just having a laugh.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, there's nothing to investigate. It's all there, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

The polar bear was not a real polar bear. It doesn't matter that I punch you in the face.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

You would not punch a real polar bear in the face.

[James Acaster]

Would never do it.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So that. And I think that's enough. You heard it here first.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It would not hurt a polar bear.

[James Acaster]

Never ever.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Very simple.

[James Acaster]

But Ed had wound people up as well because he criticized Matt Tebbitt and said that he hosted the show like a prison warden.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. I did say that. Matt Tebbit, the host, hosted the show

[James Acaster]

like a prison warden because you've been media trained recently. The listeners don't know this, but you've had media training.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

So what would you say about a comment like that being made on live TV is.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Is. It's too. It's too aggressive.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Right. And likeness. Somebody's behavior to a prison warden is to Say that they're sort of kind of fascist. Murderous.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

People.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And you can't do that.

[Ed Gamble]

No, but I did it. And you know what? It made Matt Tebb laugh. He loved it.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

How. How was the laugh? Was it. Did it feel like a. Was it a shoulder one or was it outward?

[Ed Gamble]

It went on for a while, didn't it?

[James Acaster]

He doesn't do his shoulders. He. He laughs at this. He goes, yeah, okay, and cap his arm.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

No, but what's wrong with him? Is he okay?

[James Acaster]

Not really.

[Ed Gamble]

He's on live telly. He's dealing with a lot of stuff. And, you know, normally the guests are quite polite to him. I think they go, oh, that's a delicious pie. Or whatever.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

So I'm firing, you know, you're a prison warden at him going, we're sort of going, you're rubbish at this show. We're throwing a lot of accusations his way.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I can't do this stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

So he's stressed anyway. He's trying to cook while all this is going on, and then James smashes up the set at the end.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Did you get a bill?

[James Acaster]

No, actually. Well, not that I know of. I think Benito was billed.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Benito, I feel so sorry for you.

[Ed Gamble]

Benito was there. He was just off camera and that all happened. And then we finished and walked up to Benito. He's like, good show, guys. He was absolutely expecting something like that to happen.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Oh, fantastic.

[Ed Gamble]

There was no shock from Benito.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Has Benito ever been on off menu?

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, he refuses to. Even when he says something out loud that works for the episode, he'll cut it out because he doesn't. He doesn't want his voice to be on.

[James Acaster]

Never wants to be on it.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

No, we'll talk about that afterwards.

[James Acaster]

Problems or bread. Pop. Lobs of bread. I want a bad boy. Put lobs or bread?

[Ed Gamble]

Bread.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It has to be bread.

[Ed Gamble]

Has to be bread.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It's got to be bread. I mean, I love a flatbread. Hot, fresh out the oven.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

But I also love a focaccia that is. It's quite delicately done. So the rosemary sprigs aren't, you know, too sharp. You know, sometimes it's like I'm trying to kill. Yeah, kill us or something.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Rosemary sprigs, man.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

They can be spiky if you bite straight into one. Sometimes I don't like that.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And it's just like it sets your. Your teeth on edge. Yeah, but I love it. Bread, I mean, bread is just one of my great loves, you know, it's. It's the ultimate Sign of. It's like somebody giving you bread. Is somebody, somebody giving you love?

[Ed Gamble]

And that's true, actually. And warmth and it's like a welcome as well, isn't it? If you go to a restaurant and they bring you out warm bread, you're like, I feel at home now.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Hello. Yeah, let's do this.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You know, would you like to be in a relationship with a baker?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

150,000%. But I think with bakers maybe the archetype would be quite Type A Baking is scientific. You can't. Sort of.

[Ed Gamble]

Very true.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I'm just going to throw some flour in here and whatever. Those people are disciplined. They are possibly using class A drugs. Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Bakers or bakers.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Maybe so. Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Because they've got scales.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes, yes. So I'm, I'm connecting the dots anyway. When I, I'm quite a spiritual person.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And I, I get visions, basically.

[James Acaster]

So your visions tell you that the bakers are doing drugs?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

How useful are your visions normally? Because.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Very useful.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you think the baker deciding that bakers do drugs is a useful vision to have moving forward?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I mean, if I, I, I, I, I was watching this show, Jonathan Creek. Why are you laughing?

[Ed Gamble]

Because no one said Jonathan Creek out loud for about 15 years.

[James Acaster]

No one's watching it.

[Ed Gamble]

I just wasn't expecting, I just wasn't, I was expecting it to be connected to baking. I thought you were going to say bake off or something and then I just wasn't expecting Jonathan Creek.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

That's part of, so part of the media training. I'm trying to. Because I get a lot of non sequiturs but I'm trying to have more. No, no, but Jonathan Creek.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah. I love Jonathan Craig.

[James Acaster]

Great.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Fantastic.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

You know, that sort of, what's the word? You, you have a sense about things and you can, you can connect the dots and, And I'm kind of like him. Yeah, you're Jonathan Craig, but just not a magician.

[Ed Gamble]

I'd love to see a reboot of Jonathan Creek with you, you in the lead.

[James Acaster]

Who would you want like as like the other, like your assistant, your sidekick?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

That's a really, really good question. I think I'd want somebody like, I'd want like a Stephen Merchant. Right. Freakishly tall.

[James Acaster]

You're a Merchant.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah, freakishly tall with sort of this turtle shell, glasses. And then it'll be a dog somewhere. So Stephen Merchant and the dog, they have a, A real rapport. But it's my dog.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Right.

[Ed Gamble]

That's nice.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

So you jealous of the rapport that the dog has with Steven Merchant. Yeah, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So it starts to affect our working relationship.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

But my premonitions, they come. They're just inopportune moments and I could sense what's going on with the crimes and I get pulled in. So MI6, MI5, basically GCHQ are calling me every day.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And Stephen. Me and Stephen are having some issues because of the dog.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

But he's able to help me filter those. All of these visions through. Because, like, for example, the baker and the scales might not be that useful.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

But Stephen is the one who helps me like, pass through all of these images.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Because he has a photographic memory.

[James Acaster]

Wow. Wow.

[Ed Gamble]

So everyone's got sort of powers on the show.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Everyone has powers on the show, yeah.

[James Acaster]

What? The dog's powers?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

The dog can actually speak?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So the dog. Because the dog can speak.

[Ed Gamble]

Huge.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

But the dog only speaks at home because he doesn't want to. To, To. To reveal himself as the only dog

[Ed Gamble]

who can speak in history.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Can speak?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. Cuz then the, like, scientists would get involved, the military would get involved.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Of course it's too much. But the dog actually, like in the dog lineage is like a crow. I don't know if you know that. Crows can't speak. Sorry, so crows, yeah, yeah, Crows can, basically. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

In what way?

[Ed Gamble]

What do you mean?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So somewhere along the line did the dogs. Great, great, great, great, great. Maybe had a tryst with the crow somehow, I don't know.

[Ed Gamble]

This is in the show.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Second season.

[James Acaster]

Okay. We discover that the dog, the talking dog, whatever, their ancestors had sex with a crow.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes. And so that's how. So it's not as if it's magical.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. So you're saying crows can speak. Is that in the show or is that in real life?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Chris Cruz can actually speak in real life? Yes. Benito, please check that.

[James Acaster]

Didn't even look at him.

[Ed Gamble]

It was as in they can speak. They can speak to humans?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I think so, yes.

[Ed Gamble]

You think so?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I saw a tick tock. But it may have been AI, look. But I think Cruz can actually speak.

[James Acaster]

I think I've heard that it may

[Ed Gamble]

have been AI Cruise.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Can't speak. That's the thing with me. I have some. I have a lot of factoids. Some of them I. I can't. I don't know if there's just me. It's just me seeing it to the future.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And it's not happened yet. Or it's something I've seen on tick.

[Ed Gamble]

So it could Be a vision.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

It could be a. AI tick tock. It could be a fact.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. It'd be good. It'd be fun during this chat to try and filter out what's what.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I know it's. It's absolutely not. It's like I scare myself sometimes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Your dream starter Scotch egg.

[Ed Gamble]

I love that. The curl of the lip, as you said. Scotch egg.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Scotch egg. I mean this country is many things. Right.

[James Acaster]

Do you want to like, just list off a few?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

This country's many things. I. I nurse a colonial wound.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

A child of empire. Begrudgingly the uk. I have a complicated relationship with this, with this state. But the fact that the Scotch egg comes out of this place.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It's. It, it makes me. It gives me hope.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

For a better. For a better tomorrow.

[Ed Gamble]

How far does the Scotch egg go to addressing the balance with all of the other stuff, though?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I think it goes quite far.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I mean I'm still here.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

That's true. The Scotch egg's keeping you here. Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I could have returned to my homeland. I could have returned to Nigeria ages ago. Scotch egg. You go to a nice little gastro pub.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Order and I. The no frills. I don't want. I don't need a chorizo. I don't need any. Any nonsense on there. Classic runny egg in the middle.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Some Clarence call action.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Crispy on the outside. Golden.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I mean this is a. This is a modern feat of engineering.

[Ed Gamble]

How do they keep the egg running and cook the meat?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And I, it's just. I could actually check that and like. No, but I think that's maybe why I'm not a foodie, because I love the mystery.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I'm just going to keep it as a mystery. Like how do these people cook the meat and have the egg still running?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Maybe they freeze the egg first so the egg is cooked and then frozen solid and then they wrap it in the meat and then they fry it and then by the time the meat's cooked, the egg has become defrosted. Defrosted. And the yolk is runny.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

But how would you freeze. You're not going to freeze the egg in the shell.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

This could be episode one of the new Jonathan Creek.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

How do they make Scotch eggs?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

How do they make Scotch eggs? But we don't Google it. Crucially, we cannot Google.

[Ed Gamble]

You can't Google it. No. Not on Jonathan Creek. Imagine if you just Googled stuff.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Crucially, we must get to the bottom of It. In the most long winded way possible.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Stephen Merchant's helping you out, obviously.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Of course.

[Ed Gamble]

Because he's going around kitchens that make Scotch eggs and he's taking photos with his mind.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

When he takes photos of his mind, does he like. Yeah. Do a thing with his face so, you know, he's taking the photo.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

That's quite nice. A very long noise.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes, that's good. He does have quite long eyelids.

[Ed Gamble]

He does.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So that's useful.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, he's got long everything.

[James Acaster]

Right.

[Ed Gamble]

Because he's a tall guy. It'd be weird if he had short eyelids that didn't cover his eyes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes. I do want it on record that I love Steven Merchant more than anything.

[Ed Gamble]

Really. He's never been on this podcast.

[James Acaster]

So here's one of the things from the UK that you like. Scotch Edson Merchant. Huh?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I love him.

[James Acaster]

What do you. What do you love about him?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I love his. His eyes. I saw there's almost like sunken. You know, he looks pensive but also quite blas.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, you.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

That. How do you get that balance to look like Ao. But also he looks ancient. Like an ancient oracle.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Not as in. He looks old.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Not as.

[Ed Gamble]

He looks old.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

He just looks like he has. He knows things.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Oh, and he's so funny.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, he is funny guy.

[James Acaster]

Very funny.

[Ed Gamble]

Very talented man.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. I just. Yeah, he's. He has to be. He's got to be. He's got to be my. My helper.

[Ed Gamble]

And Jonathan in the Jonathan Creek reboot.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Who do you want to do the voice of the dog?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Can I be silly?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Chris Morris.

[James Acaster]

That'd be good.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

He'd never do it. He'd absolutely never do it.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't know. Sometimes he does. Sometimes he pops up and stuff and you.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

He'd absolutely never do it. I mean, he is.

[James Acaster]

He wouldn't do it, but it would be a good. His voice would suit a dog.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Like a clever dog that's going around solving crimes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah, it's very, very, very clever dog.

[Ed Gamble]

Didn't you make a short film where someone's dog was speaking to them?

[James Acaster]

I don't know.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It's something he could do.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

That's a genius.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So you want the Scotch egg?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I won the Scotch egg.

[Ed Gamble]

I did a golden. I did a gig last night in Chelsea in a pub in Chelsea. Joel Dommet was on and Joel's always hungry. I need some food. I need some food. And they won't check that. Yeah, but he just works worms. He works out Loads. He's got, he's got that sort of like energy as well where he's constantly wriggling around. So he's always hungry and. Or he's got worms. And the man working at the pub went, I'll just get you a Scotch egg. And he said, do you want a Scotch egg? To me, I was like, I just had dinner. So I was like, I don't want a Scotch egg. They brought down this incredible looking Scotch egg. Proper runny in the middle.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

You refuse a Scotch egg.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but I'd eat. I'm just eating it.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

You are.

[Ed Gamble]

I know, but then obviously I wanted a Scotch egg.

[James Acaster]

He's drinking shit water, turning down Scotch eggs.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Who the hell do you think you are?

[James Acaster]

That's his problem.

[Ed Gamble]

But the audience hadn't been let in yet, and they were let in. They didn't even know Joel was on. He was like a last minute edition. Yeah. And then the audience started walking in and there's no dressing room. He was just sat like at the door eating a full Scotch egg with yolk running down his chin. Like, what, what a treat we're in for.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Oh, that's an image.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. But it looked like a good scotch egg. Like posh gastropub Scotch egg.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that always be, always be comfy.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. The new one in Chelsea.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

That's a, that's a very good. That's a very good pub.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I mean, it looks like a restaurant.

[Ed Gamble]

It's not a pub. I said on stage, this is not a pub, guys.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Looks like a restaurant. But I, I think they might have to change the seating up a little bit.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

To give more pub.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

But I know the Scotch egg there will be. Will be phenomenal. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It looked like a good Scotch egg. And next time I do that gig,

[Ayoade Bamboya]

oh, I'm getting a Scotch egg.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm not having dinner. I'm having scotch.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I'm literally, James, Tim, I will be having a Scotch egg.

[Ed Gamble]

That's the people who run. Always.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Just for the listener. Don't know who James and Tim are.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

My two favorite men.

[James Acaster]

In comedy, they might always be comedy together.

[Ed Gamble]

Sometimes when you get a scotch, they'll give you like a chutney or like a dip or a little sauce with it. Do you want anything like that on your dream?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I do like a, I do like a little dip. I like a mayonnaise that is, is homemade. So like a. And it has a little bit of tanginess to it. That kind of offsets the, the kind of salt.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

In the.

[Ed Gamble]

A little bit of mustard in there.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Maybe a tiny bit of mustard in there.

[James Acaster]

Sriracha mayo or like a sriracha mayo.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I love a sriracha mayo. That's very, very good. A sriracha mayo. And then there's like a. I've been. Been getting truffle mayos.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. That's quite nice. Truffles. You know, it's. It's overused in. In many ways.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

In a Mayo. Just a dollop. It's okay.

[James Acaster]

Wasabi mayo. Before we move on.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Wasabi mayo is not allowed.

[James Acaster]

No, no.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

My chest. Yes. Is going to be too. It's too hot.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. I'm not very good with. I'm the one Nigeria. Well, Yoruba girl. So where am I? I'm half Yoruba, half Idoma. That's like the. There's lots of different ethnic groups in Nigeria, but Yorubas are famously good with. With, like, spice.

[Ed Gamble]

Right.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Levels. Like, we can eat hot food. I'm the only one who simply cannot.

[Ed Gamble]

The. The only one ever.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Only one. And if any Yoruba people comment on this thing and claim that they are. They are amongst those who can't have spice, delete the comments.

[James Acaster]

No. If we can do that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

I think that will have to. You might have to give you the login and you can do it. You can't get Benito to do.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I can do that manually.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If. I don't think Benito can go through filtering the comments like that.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I make unfounded claims that I think I need to.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I need to actually just maintain.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

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[James Acaster]

Your dream main course.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So this is where, you know how I was telling you guys before that I was very nervous because coming on this institution and I don't want to let my family down and let basically the world down. And the Main has been a real source of. Of anguish for me because I was born in London, but I grew up in Lagos and I've been back and forth and I don't want to. To disgrace my ancestors with this choice.

[Ed Gamble]

You're putting a lot of. A lot of weight on this choice here. Yeah. I don't think you can disgrace your ancestors with it.

[James Acaster]

Maybe you could do.

[Ed Gamble]

But do bear in mind you could do.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So. My, my dream main is going to have to be smoky jollof rice with aya mashi. It's like a green stew and plantain with coleslaw. If they, if it's possible, is it this, this restaurant can give me anything. Add moimoi. So moimoi is like a bean cake that's also got a bit of egg in it.

[Ed Gamble]

So double egg, double egg. Double egg time.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And it's all. It will all come together. So it doesn't include my side.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Yeah, it's all. It's all in one format. There's no.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It's only one format. Yes. Yes. Yeah, it's all in one format. But if. Because there's a lot of conflict about jollof rice.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. We've had, we, you know, we've had various sort of opinions on jollof rice.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Boring conflict. And I'm going to put it to bed.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Once. Once I speak on this.

[James Acaster]

Many people have come on the podcast

[Ed Gamble]

and said this, that they're going to try and put it to bed.

[James Acaster]

They've been like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna end it now.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

I'm not saying you can't do it.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. It's not that. It's not that I'm gonna try, but good luck. It's after. After. After this. We're not talking about it anymore.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I'm enforcing it.

[James Acaster]

What do we have when we have other guests on and they Want to talk about it?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Do we say to them, I already has already talked. Spoken about it.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay. So we've ended it.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And we've ended it.

[Ed Gamble]

You've got to pick something different. Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

This is it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

The jollof rice, is it Ghanaian jollof? Is it Nigerian? Galo Jollof, Whatever. It's not even either of those things.

[James Acaster]

Right?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Jollof rice from Senegal.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Chibudin. That's the original jollof rice. We're not arguing about Nigerians and Ghanaians anymore. Both of our jollof rices are second to the one they are doing in Senegal. That is the end of it. Okay, so this particular jollof that you guys are going to give me is going to be directly inspired by cheb. So it's going to have that smokiness. It's going to have that. It's almost like. It's like. It feels like there's. There's paprika. Just lovely popping out.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Are you to say hello? You know what I mean?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Similar to perfection.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

The rice is fluffy. It's almost like. It's like it's in a 3D printer or something. It's like. It's just. It's been to perfection, but it's just some auntie in the back putting her back into it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

That sounds sexual, but I guess in some ways it is.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, sure. I mean, it sounds phenomenal.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I love the smokiness. That's what. That's what brings me in.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. Yeah. Because I guess because there's jollof, you can just have that. It's not smoky, but I love when it's like. It's like. This is like party jollof, where you would get it. Like at a wedding or you're going to someone's 50th or something and they burn the bot. Like when the rice is simmering, they leave it at the end to burn and they put, like foil on the COVID So it is. They're cooking it up.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And by the time they uncover that thing, they smell.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

There's nothing like it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I mean, you can do. When I make it, it's not. I can't get it smoky because of the way that I don't have, like an open flame in my. On my stool.

[Ed Gamble]

Right, okay. You need the open flame to get that taste.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah, that's what does it. It. That's what does it.

[Ed Gamble]

So what in. In the jollof, obviously you've got all those spices and stuff. Is there like. Is There meat in the jollof. What particular meat you would have.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So my. My meat would be in my ayamashi. So the meat.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah, but you would be. You would have simmered it in like a beef stock or like a chicken stock. So that will. That will come through. Yeah, but then some people have like. I love a smoked turkey, like a turkey wing. And you're just. And it's. It's a bit tough. So you're fighting with the meats, you know, but you know that it's. You're doing. It's a labor of love to consume this meal.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. And that. So the meat's mainly coming in the green. In the green stew.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. But some people don't like. So I love to have ayamachi with my jollof rice rather than this stew with a white rice because some people do that. But I like to have a clash of. Of seasonings.

[James Acaster]

Right. So people don't like it because it's too much.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It's too much. I think it is too much, but I. I err on the side of too much.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. So you're.

[James Acaster]

You're like.

[Ed Gamble]

You're making this at home.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Well, I. So I've actually discovered it's almost like a ready meal. And it's called tasties. They sell it in. In some of the big Sainsbury's in the country. And it is jollof rice and chicken. And then they have aya mache and they have. This is the best thing in the world giz do. So it's gizzard and dudu together. Dudu is plantain.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Not the extinct bird.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Not the extinct bird.

[James Acaster]

Rest in peace.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

That would be rip. It would be really hilarious if the bird was extinct because we were eating it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

But the giz do is like, it then adds like a sweetness because that's sort of red peppers, green peppers, sweetness of the plantain and that. That you can also have that as a side. So there's lots of different types of meats.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And then shaky. Do you guys know tripe?

[James Acaster]

Yes, sure.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Little pieces of tripe dotted.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

About. In the stew.

[Ed Gamble]

I love all that.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It's emotional.

[Ed Gamble]

Shout out to tripe.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Shout out to tribe.

[Ed Gamble]

I love tripe.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It's so good.

[Ed Gamble]

It's so good. And people get so weird about stuff like that.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. Because it's. It's not good to eat an animal's stomach because it's full of waste.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah. You're obsessed with not eating waste, aren't you? I am, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah, I actually had for about maybe three or four months. I was obsessed with fecal clouds.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you mean farts or.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

No, as in when you go into public toilets.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah,

[Ayoade Bamboya]

basically, if you're in a bar or like in a pub, don't take your drink into the toilet because they're fecal clouds. Yeah, because you like. If people have done. Done shits in there and stuff that can evaporate into the air, the whole

[Ed Gamble]

shit evaporates into the air.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Some of it.

[Ed Gamble]

Some of it.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And leaves, like, fecal matter.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

As a. As a mist.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Which can settle into your drink

[James Acaster]

when you. If you're going into the toilet, aren't you breathing that in?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Anyway, this is the thing, this is the problem. So damned if I do, damned if I don't.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

They see tough times never last, Only tough people do.

[James Acaster]

I've never heard that phrase.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I like that phrase.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Because life is tough.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So what do you do now if you. You don't take your drink into the toilet?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I don't take my drink into the toilet. But I have to breathe.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I've got to breathe.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So I'm in there like this. Oh, God, I can't. There's just so much about life that is. It is so difficult.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

The weight of existence. I mean.

[Ed Gamble]

And if you worry about the weight of existence and then you find out about fecal clouds, like, what are you supposed to do?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Over the edge. I call Samaritans.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Over the edge.

[Ed Gamble]

Because also think about who's doing in a pub. It's the worst people. It's not the people who care.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Care about their. Their house.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

The way my boundary.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I have to put my hand up the way my bow. Movement.

[Ed Gamble]

You in a pub as well, Right. Well, I've just slagged you both off. I'm sorry.

[James Acaster]

Bonito.

[Ed Gamble]

You in a pub. What is wrong with you? Do your shits at home.

[James Acaster]

So ship break.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm.

[James Acaster]

He's. He's.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm. Ship break from American Pie.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Do you have a break from American Pie? No. Can only use his own toilet at home. Yeah, it's not that.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

But you. You here.

[Ed Gamble]

If I needed a, I would go for a. In the pub. But I tend to be like, wake up in the morning, start making the coffee. The smell of the coffee. Off to the toilet. Bish bash bosh. That's me for the day.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

That's good.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it's pretty good. Right?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

That's right.

[James Acaster]

That's quite regular evacuation.

[Ed Gamble]

It's Pretty much the same time every day.

[James Acaster]

It's one of the most, like, liberating things about starting stand up is that I started shitting in pups.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

What did you do you. Do you remember your first stand up in a pub?

[James Acaster]

I remember some early ones.

[Ed Gamble]

Let's clarify what you mean by that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wasn't standing up while shitting, but. But yeah, I didn't do a stand up.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I've done a squat. Shit.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I do. I have to do a squat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it is, it is precarious. Yeah, for sure.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. This, this could end very badly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember those early days of thinking, like, I'm actually doing this. I never would have done this. I'd always been like, absolutely no way I'm going for a shit in a public toilet.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

No way I'm doing that. The almost time's like, I'm gonna have to. I'm nervous before these gigs.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And I was like, you know what? I don't even care anymore. This is great.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It's fantastic sitting here. Reckless abandon.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely reckless abandon. All the way, all the way out.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I think that's really. I think that says a lot about you and I think it's, it's. It's opened up a whole new frontier of your emotional state.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

You should start doing it.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think I should start doing it. It means I have to hold my morning one in.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Why would you hold your morning one in, sir?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, because I don't need one when I'm in the pub, do I? Okay, so if you want me to start in a pub, I'm gonna have to hold my morning one in.

[James Acaster]

This needs one.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

That's true.

[James Acaster]

It's the morning one. A really big long one. Will Smith does this.

[Ed Gamble]

What?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

What does he do?

[James Acaster]

Well, I heard on the radio and Will Smith said when he's having a in the morning, he wants to get it done. Yeah. He doesn't want to be going back and needing another later on in the day. So he'll just sit on the toilet and he'll be there. He's got like, almost like a mini office there so that he's having this. He said. He said it in an interview.

[Ed Gamble]

He said it in an interview.

[James Acaster]

This was a long time ago. Yeah, I heard him say this.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

An office. He's got his thing, he's got his

[James Acaster]

phone, he's got like some books. He's, you know, he's just there with a bunch of whatever he needs for the day that's there while he's having a. So that, like, if anyone, you know, if anything happens, he's across.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

He's across.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You know, and he's there for a long time.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I wonder how long is long.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, he said, he just said he was on the radio. I remember I was in Italy. Yeah. In the car.

[Ed Gamble]

Why are you listening to Will Smith on the radio when you're in Italy?

[James Acaster]

Just on the radio. We just put on the radio and he was being interviewed and he said, I'd like to get it done. Yeah, he said, I'd like to get it done. I don't want to. I don't want to be going back later.

[Ed Gamble]

I like to get it done later

[James Acaster]

on in the day and having like part two, part three.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah, but you're not supposed to be on there for that. No, you're not supposed to be on there for that long.

[Ed Gamble]

No. You get piles if you do that.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

You're not supposed to do that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I mean, that explains so much about him.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Dream side dish then you said that. That your side is not. Not included.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

This is, this is where it gets tricky because I. I do have. I feel like I need to. To also be a little bit like grown up. So I will do a side of tenderstem. Broccoli. Broccolini. Just some rock salt, some olive oil, maybe a bit of garlic. And I need it crunchy because I want to feel like I've also had my five a day.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. You're still getting the nutrients out of it.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Still getting the nutrients out of it.

[Ed Gamble]

It's not being overtaken.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And I just. I'll. I'll just. Just work at that intermittently.

[James Acaster]

So is that just to make you feel like a grown up and like you're being healthy?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Just to make me. And also typically I would be like at dinner with my sister or like my friends. And we love broccolini. The girls love a broccolini.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Tender stem.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Slender. It's. And it's a little bit, you know.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It's a little bit cheeky. Always. Always a tender step.

[Ed Gamble]

So you having it to feel grown up or are you having it because you love it and the girls love broccoli.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Many things can be true at once.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. And I think there's a duality there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

You know, multiplicity, if you must. Because it's the girls. The girls love a broccolini. I want to feel grown up.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And it actually tastes quite nice.

[Ed Gamble]

It does. I mean, I think I started eating Broccoli. To be grown up and be like, you've got to get. You got to get your vitamins in.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But over time. I love it now.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It's just good. And even at home it's so easy for like when. If I'm doing like a, like a salmon and potatoes. I'll just toss some broccolini.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

On the side. Like I'll. I'll steam it a little bit and then put it in a, in a, in a frying pan. Little sesame oil.

[Ed Gamble]

Nice.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

With some salt, onion powder, garlic powder. Toss toast sauce, little butter. We are good to go.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You got a steamer.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I know. I just, I steam it manually. I'll just put it. You know how you do. It's like almost. Do they call it Ban Marie? The one that just. You just put a little bath. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I just did like that.

[Ed Gamble]

That's how I do it as well.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I put it in just like a sieve. I put it in like the strainer.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Broccoli. And then put it above the water and then cover it with. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And it steams it by itself.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

We got. My mum got a steamer when we were kids and it was a big deal. It's a real big deal, that steamer.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah, it is a big. I mean she. As in a purpose built steamer.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. It was like a really big day. We got this steamer. This is how we're going to do our vegetables now.

[Ed Gamble]

Different shelves.

[James Acaster]

You put them on different little shelves. I don't, I still don't understand the shelving system but I guess you could do more than one at once. I guess that was it.

[Ed Gamble]

I guess the closest to the steam.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. Because the further away from the steam you would have it like a bit al dente.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. So you'd put the ones that don't

[Ayoade Bamboya]

need to sell those.

[James Acaster]

They must do.

[Ed Gamble]

They're pretty bulky though, I think from.

[James Acaster]

I hate washing it up.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Oh no, it makes more sense. We can just do it the way we've been doing.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I think so. Because then we just get multi use out of our pans, you know.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah, exactly.

[Ed Gamble]

I think with like I don't have enough room in my kitchen for all this stuff. I want all of these gadgets. But yeah, I'd be really annoyed with

[Ayoade Bamboya]

it eventually because you have to put it. I think. I don't think it's good to see the gadgets.

[Ed Gamble]

So you, you have like minimalist kitchen set up. You want to put the gadgets away.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Have a big enough so it has to look. Yeah, yeah. But my dream. I can't. You're gonna have to. No, I'm not saying it. I can't say it.

[Ed Gamble]

Well that was good because you're gonna say something. Then you said, you're gonna have to cut this out and then you went, no, I can cut this out by not saying it.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Media training.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, There you go.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

What was it though?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I would like to have two kitchens.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

The cooking kitchen and the stage kitchen.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I am trying to. My new thing now is I want to be more like like everyday girl. Like, like girl next door.

[Ed Gamble]

Broccolini girl.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah, broccolini girl. She like, she cycles, you know, splits the bill with her boyfriend, like that kind of thing. Like really like normal girl.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

But actually I want two kitchens.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. But that's why the second kitchen's hidden, right. Because then you don't need to.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

The second kitchen is like. And a lot. Some people in like really rich people in Nigeria have this would have the kitchen because our food is very, very fragrant. So it's like, it's really hard to make sure the smells don't like go into your whole house.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So if you're, if you're of means you would cook behind like in the kitchen behind the house.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So it's like, it might even be just a thing of like practicality.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. In the show kitchen, would there be any practicality to it? Could you do anything in the show kitchen or would it be all be like fake food and stuff?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

You can do things in showcase and show. So all the things you do in the show kitch are like, you can steam the veg. Like you can do like last minute touch ups. Like you can, you can make tea and coffee.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Like, but it's not going to be. I'm not going to be frying palm oil.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. In the show kitchen the hardcore stuff happens.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It's got to happen in the back.

[Ed Gamble]

I like, I like it as an idea.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. But I don't want to give down 10. Like I'm not trying to be like, you know, aristocratic.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

What about this? Free kitchens.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Oh, so that's interesting.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And it's almost like. So it's like you're getting closer and closer to the belly of the beast. It's like going down into a mine. Yeah, yeah, I like that.

[Ed Gamble]

So what happens in your mind in the three kitchens? How are they split up then jobs wise?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. First one so like tea and coffee.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Second one getting a bit. So you, you'd have like. You'd fry garlic in there.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. We'll make a sandwich in the second one.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

You can make a sandwich in the first.

[James Acaster]

Really?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. Because sandwich is cold, right?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

But if you're making a toasty, Got to be down. Got to be in the second.

[Ed Gamble]

Second kitchen. Second kitchen's for toasties.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Third kitchen.

[James Acaster]

Third kitchen. I think that's like your spit roasts, like. Yeah, if you're like, spit roasting stuff.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes. Or a whole pig.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. There should be, like, a pit in there. Like those fire pits.

[Ed Gamble]

Open fire. Definitely open fire down there. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Got that in there.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Furnace.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

And, and like, hot chocolate.

[Ed Gamble]

Hot chocolate. Second kitchen.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

You know what? It depends on the kind of hot chocolate you're making.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, there's.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I saw one in. I can't remember what. Who's come up with this Chili. Chili. Hot, like, hot chocolate chili in it. Get that shit in the third kitchen.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's in the third kitchen.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Because it's like you're in a lab.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it's great.

[James Acaster]

I love it. I love stuff.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Just throwing stuff together in your mind.

[Ed Gamble]

Are you the one cooking in all the kitchens, or are there people cooking for you in the kitchen?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Unfortunately, there are people.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Who are very well compensated.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And who love their jobs.

[Ed Gamble]

Of course. But do they get uglier as they go down through the kitchen?

[James Acaster]

Mine is like the tethered in us.

[Ed Gamble]

In us. Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I, I think they're going to be the same beauty levels.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Because I, I mean, I, I, I think beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

[Ed Gamble]

Sure.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So anybody who comes into the house is automatically beautiful.

[Ed Gamble]

Right.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Because their spirit must be pure.

[James Acaster]

So I think people are ugly.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Especially in the third kitchen. In the third kitchen, I'm imagining it's really dark in there. It's almost candlelight. It's like a medieval kitchen. And everyone's like, they're doing the spirit.

[James Acaster]

I was like, I'll never speak roast. We've got to. Another pig.

[Ed Gamble]

How many spit roasts is she eating out there? They're really, they're really like.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I didn't, I didn't like that at all.

[Ed Gamble]

No, but then you don't need to speak to them.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Right.

[Ed Gamble]

Because they have to pass a message up to the second kitchen, and then they pass it on the aaa.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

But they. So the third kitchen people, the sort of gremlins, they will not be allowed out.

[Ed Gamble]

No. You never see them.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

Okay. They slipped in the kitchen. Yes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Right.

[James Acaster]

Your dream drink,

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Margarita, it can be alcoholic, right?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So Margarita said, no, no, this is a cheap dry January we were calling this.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I don't even do dry January anymore. I don't pretend.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I don't.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I. I don't think it's. It makes sense to do that to. To stop drinking in the hardest month of the year.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I went to a restaurant yesterday and on the menu it said, it's Dry Martini January.

[Ed Gamble]

You love that, didn't you?

[James Acaster]

So it was just. Oh, yeah, they're doing dry martinis all month.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

What's the restaurant called? I'll go there today.

[James Acaster]

It's called Suna, spelled S U N

[Ayoade Bamboya]

E. S U N E, Suna.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Shout out to them.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Dry Martini January.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It's too hard right now to be giving up drinking.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Also, it is a bit silly that you go from, like, the month where you drink the most in December.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

And then go to nothing. You need a soft landing.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. Yeah. It shocks your system. I think dry January should actually just be like beers and, like, unwine.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So maybe no spirits.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

If you want to be, like.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Sort of strict about it.

[James Acaster]

I went to a pub the other day as well. This is sounding like I'm going absolutely hog wild, but, like, going to a pub at the bar, there was a little gong about that big, a little mini gong on the bar, and it was there for people to hit it when they had quit, when they couldn't do dry January anymore.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Of course.

[James Acaster]

So it was just. If somebody decided, I can't just go over here, that would happen literally in, like.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

You would lose your resolve.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

At that pub.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I do that. I'd hit that New Year's Eve.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Happy New Year.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. I once didn't drink for a year and to be honest, it did change my life.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Oh, it was a completely for the better. Yes. Transformative experience. And I have never had that much clarity and peace. But then I went to a wedding and I got absolutely sloshed and it just broke the sobriety.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So goodbye to clarity and peace.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And since that day, I've not known it is rest.

[James Acaster]

But you'd like a margarita?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Of course.

[James Acaster]

Two margaritas.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I love a Tommy's, so some. Sometimes I alternate. So I do it like a salt rim, just, like shaken. Right. Not the one that they put ice in it.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, so you don't want the. There's like loads. You don't want loads of ice in the car, Just.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah, I just want it. Just give me the mug.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Salt rim. And then I'LL alternate with the Tommies. Tommy's a little bit sweeter.

[Ed Gamble]

What's the Tommy.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So Tommy's margarita just like a They. I think it's. There's less Cointreau or might be. And it just. It's not as tangy, so it doesn't really hit the back of your throat. Yeah, the same way. And I'll just alternate like that.

[Ed Gamble]

Nice.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Until I start slurring my words.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Spicy margaritas. Where do you stand on that?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I can't do it. I think the spicy margarita is actually. It's one of the reasons why the UK social contract is. Is failing. I think people need. We need to start having a dialogue about the spicy margarita. What is that? Why is this spicy? Yeah, why am I drinking pep? Who came up with it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I don't know, actually, but I like it. I like a spicy mug.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Ed, where did it come from?

[Ed Gamble]

What, my love of spicy mug or

[Ayoade Bamboya]

the drink Love of spicy mug?

[Ed Gamble]

I don't know. I just like a bit of spice. It puts the zing in my ding a ling. I love it.

[James Acaster]

Well, what.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Don't. Don't you ever say that again.

[James Acaster]

I'm horrified. It's the first time that he's actually.

[Ed Gamble]

Look, I felt that it was going to be the only time I could say he's completely.

[James Acaster]

I apologize.

[Ed Gamble]

It just means.

[James Acaster]

I apologize so much.

[Ed Gamble]

There was a tea advert with Stephen Fry. They said that phrase. I liked it. It just means, like, you know, a bit of pep in your leg is your penis. Yeah, I know, but I don't mean

[Ayoade Bamboya]

it gives me my dingo.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't mean it gives me a boner. I just mean it peps me up.

[James Acaster]

That's what it means.

[Ed Gamble]

No, it doesn't. It's taken on a new meaning. It's different now. It's different now.

[James Acaster]

It does mean.

[Ed Gamble]

That does mean that.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Now I'm gonna. Every time somebody orders a spicy margarita in my presence, I'm gonna think about a zing. And you're ding a ling.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. You and your.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Little.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I'll bring it up.

[James Acaster]

Little pathetic ding a ling getting a zing. Shooting down it. What's wrong?

[Ed Gamble]

What's wrong with me getting a zing in my ding a ling from a spicy.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely disgraceful. We've got a guest.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. Disgraceful. I know you too well.

[James Acaster]

I would object if you were saying that in the intros and outros, it's just me and Benito.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Iowan is right there. Yes. And you're saying about getting zinging your Ding.

[Ed Gamble]

I just mean I like penis. I just mean I like it. And it gives me a pep in my step.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

999.

[Ed Gamble]

Police.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. They're calling the police.

[Ed Gamble]

Right.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I can't. I think. And I don't know if Soho House, that terrible establishment, is the reason for the spicy margarita being unleashed onto all of us. Yes. And I have a feeling it's them.

[Ed Gamble]

I can't remember what they call it, though. They call it something different.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Picante.

[Ed Gamble]

Picante. That's it. Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I think I. And I. They have something to do with it. It's a conspiracy.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm happy to blame them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Oh, yeah. I think it's. Yeah. I can't have it spicy for some reason.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm happy to blame them.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Sorry, guys.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't cancel my membership.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

You're a member?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, of course he is.

[Ed Gamble]

Do I go? Absolutely not.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Oh, wow. You're a member, James, are you a member?

[Ed Gamble]

No, I got it free for a while because I did gigs for them.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Right. I had it free for about four years.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Spent so much time now.

[James Acaster]

Interesting, right?

[Ed Gamble]

Turns out you're the loser, Joe.

[James Acaster]

I'm the little dweeb. Yeah. He's not a member of Soyo House.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

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[James Acaster]

We arrive at your drink dessert.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

That will be a sticky toffee pudding.

[Ed Gamble]

Lovely.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I'm more of a custard girl than an ice cream now with a sticky toffee pudding. What I'm finding is that certain establishments seem to be skimping on the dates.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And to get the perfect sort of ratio, sort of moistness to. To kind of firmness, let's. Let's bring back the dates and the sauce on top that. Like treacle. Yeah, the treacle sauce. I want it like a drip, like mainline, injected directly into my eyeballs.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

If possible, we can do that at the dream restaurant if you want.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Sometimes I go to a place and I'M like, oh, I ordered the sticky toffee. I'm excited. It comes. The treacle sauce. It's like I am in jail. Like, can you give me some more? I feel like Oliver Twist. Like, I'm begging. Like, Yeah, I need the trickle sauce. I need as much of it as possible. And it's the perfect way to calm my nerves. My belly is full. And I just add a little bit on top. And a sticky toffee with so much trickle sauce that a Victorian child will be dead by the end of the day.

[Ed Gamble]

Because it had so much.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Because it had so much.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

With some custard. The custard is swirling into the sauce.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And it's making this sort of marbled effect on the plate. Typically, there's candlelights to then complement. I mean, this is. This is what it means to be alive.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

What else is there?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Do you want any, like, fecal clouds anywhere near that?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I will flip this mic. I was in. I was in a state of bliss, you know, I was like. Yeah, I was right there.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

He knew that. And that's why he brought up the fecal club.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Oh, that is cruel.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's cool.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

That's a cruel thing to do.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Sorry.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

A fecal club would end that. It's just ended it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

100.

[Ed Gamble]

What an awful way to end the dream menu. A fecal cloud.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

A fecal cloud. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

At the end. A little petty four.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. Yeah. Petty four.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I feel like stomping you out.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Guests often feel like that to the face.

[James Acaster]

I don't feel proud of it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So defiled yourself.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Because I love. I love the. The custard swelled in with it.

[Ed Gamble]

Sometimes you find when I delve into a sticky toffee pudding, I want it to be, like, moist with that sauce throughout the whole thing.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And sometimes you get in and it's dry. It's dry in the middle.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I can't. So that, for me, is where I. And I don't know what. If that's a mistake or if it's on purpose, but it must be throughout.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Not on top.

[Ed Gamble]

But I think that's also what you're talking about with the dates, the lack of dates. If there's dates throughout it that stays moist.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah, yeah. Because I'm seeing it where it's more of, like, this weird cake, like sponge. Yeah, yeah. And I just. I'm just like. I'm always looking forward to sticky toffee, but there seems to be like a. And I. I think maybe if there's an ombudsman or some kind of like quality control.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

That, you know, like in, in you can't call something champagne if it's not from the region of champagne.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Some kind of standard for the sticky toffee. That we know that if we've ordered this thing.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

That it's going to be that.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So. And maybe somebody's looking into it. I don't know. Gordon, help us out.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Gordon Ramsay is one of my. Unfortunately, one of my idols.

[James Acaster]

Really? That's a surprise. You love love and you love life and you're very spiritual. Gordon Ramsay doesn't embody those things. When I think about him.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. But I guess I contain multitudes.

[James Acaster]

Yes, absolutely. What do you love about Gordon Ramsay?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I love that he is able to immediately detect when something has been microwaved and he will just sit.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Is this a microwave? And if you dare lie.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

He knows, he knows what you doing.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. He's not really asking, is he?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

He's not asking.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a test.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And it's. And it's Nigerian thing to do. So there something about him that's so Nigerian.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Cuz he's asking you because he knows that if you lie. Yeah. Oh, goden. And there. And why you serving him frozen food?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Why these people on Kitchen Nightmares? What are they playing?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It's like, come on.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, he'll know, he'll know.

[James Acaster]

He'll know. This is being filmed.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It's.

[James Acaster]

We know, we already know. It's the audience. Why lie when it's already been filled?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Have you seen him touch a plate? Because he's, he's. And he's, he's, he, he moves it around like this.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And what he's doing is he's inspecting the dish, but he's also checking the temperature of the plate because that's one of the ways he knows that he's been microwaved.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

So you think you're cut. You think you're going to deceive Gordon Ramsay? Why are you trying to deceive Gordon Ramsay?

[Ed Gamble]

I would, I personally would never try to deceive God Ramsay.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And when he declare sometimes you've. You've microwaved it. That's too bad if you haven't microwaved it. But there's something about it that is not quite right. He'll say it's dry. It's just, it's so dry. The way he pronounces restaurant. He says restaurant. Oh, Gordon, I love Gordon Ramsay. Oh.

[James Acaster]

First of all, I'm Going to read your menu back to you and you see how you feel about it. Okay. So you would like still water. Bottled. Very important. It's bottled.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Problems of bread. You want flatbread or focaccia with rosemary starter. Scotch egg with homemade mayonnaise. Main course, smoky jollof rice with ayamase, ayamache, plantain, coleslaw and moimoi.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Side dish, tender stem broccoli with rock salt, olive oil and garlic drink. Alternate between margarita and a Tommy's margarita. Dessert, sticky toffee pudding with so much treacle sauce and custard. How do you feel about that?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

That's a beautiful menu. For the bread, can I add one thing?

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It could also be pandesal. A pandasal bread is. I think it's Filipino. There's this restaurant, Ramo in Soho. It's like Filipino ramen.

[Ed Gamble]

I've been there. It's great. I really like that place.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Oh, the pandesal. It's a fluffy bread that is just. Just like.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think I had the bread.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I should have had bread. Yeah. Get the bread next time. It is fantastic. It soaks up all. Any sauce that you can get your hands. It's like. And they put garlic and butter on it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It's high and it's soft pandesal. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Added.

[James Acaster]

That's. That's added to the menu. You've got it. Pretty good menu. It's pretty delicious.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Do you think?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, really good.

[James Acaster]

That main made me really hungry.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah. I really like the scotch egg into the jollof into sticky toffee pudding.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

It's sort of like a British Nigerian fusion.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

But it just sounds really warming and filling and.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah. I love a warm and filling meal.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

And just, like, you're just. You're chatting and, like, laughing, and you just feel like you might actually be all right.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You were worried you'd let people down today.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Do you feel like you have?

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I hope I haven't.

[James Acaster]

I don't think you have.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I think you've. I think we've let ourselves down.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And, like, I think, you know, maybe there's gonna be a lot more complaints to the BBC after this.

[Ed Gamble]

Probably.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Probably.

[Ed Gamble]

Whereas I think you were worried about letting down your ancestors.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

I think you've absolutely made them proud.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

And also, thank you so much. And think. And think how proud you've made Gordon Ramsay as well.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Thank you, Gordon. One day we shall discuss.

[James Acaster]

Oh, that's the end of the sentence.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Yes. One day we shall discuss.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you for coming to the dream restaurant, Iwade.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Thank you so much.

[James Acaster]

Thank you.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

This has been joyful.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

I've loved every second.

[Ed Gamble]

I love that episode. James.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely fantastic. I think we really got to know Iwadedev, like, absolutely every single aspect of her being.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Came through in that podcast. Yes. Very spiritual at times.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Obviously hilarious. Yes. Sometimes very serious.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Very stern.

[Ed Gamble]

And Scotch egg.

[James Acaster]

I love scotch eggs.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely love scotch eggs. And did not say biscoff at any point so we didn't have to kick about the dream restaurant.

[Ed Gamble]

Imagine a biscoff Scotch egg.

[James Acaster]

Wouldn't.

[Ed Gamble]

Not like that.

[James Acaster]

Speak for yourself. If the egg was. If the egg was like, you know, a Cadbury's cream egg and it was like, covered in like a. Like a marshmallow and then there was a biscoff layer around the marshmallow and then it's covered in, like, digestive biscuit crumbs. And then they deep fry that. I'll try that.

[Ed Gamble]

They deep fry it. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I gotta deep fry it.

[Ed Gamble]

You are mad.

[James Acaster]

What?

[Ed Gamble]

You would try that.

[James Acaster]

I'll try that.

[Ed Gamble]

That'd blow your head off.

[James Acaster]

What are you talking about?

[Ed Gamble]

That's too sweet for you even.

[James Acaster]

No way.

[Ed Gamble]

Cadbury's cream egg covered in biscoff, sort of sausage meat style.

[James Acaster]

And then marshmallows.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no marshmallows.

[James Acaster]

I said. I said marshmallow.

[Ed Gamble]

No, but I'm saying this is what I want. This is. I'm reducing the sugar biscoff around the outside.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And then rolled in toasted coconut for the breadcrumb style thing.

[James Acaster]

Why don't you just go to a health spa, mate?

[Ed Gamble]

Crikey. Don't forget to go and see Ioide on tour. The show is called Swings and Roundabouts. Award winning, award winning show.

[James Acaster]

Every best newcomer. Oh, you can.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I mean, you could hear how funny she is on this episode.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

That's just a taste of what she has to offer.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah. She'll get you.

[Ed Gamble]

She'll get you. Don't forget to watch this on YouTube as well. Subscribe to the YouTube.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, there's. I'd say in that episode there was a lot of, like, you know, acting out a lot of facial expressions that you. That really got across.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Widely loves all those.

[Ed Gamble]

The curl of the lip. But it's got a check. Needs to.

[James Acaster]

It's worth it for that. It's worth it just for the curl of the lip.

[Ed Gamble]

Thanks for listening to this, obviously. Even if you like. I've heard it. What? I need to watch it. Just go and put it on in the background or something. So you. Can we get another view?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Because Benito said if the YouTube doesn't take off soon, he's going to take all his clothes off and run into the sea.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. And sell his house.

[Ed Gamble]

Like Reginald said.

[James Acaster]

He's got. He's got to sell his house.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, he said he's going to sell his house.

[James Acaster]

He's got to sell his house.

[Ed Gamble]

And then where's Toast going to live? Imagine poor Toast walking around London with a bindle.

[James Acaster]

A little Toast with a bindle. Just go around London.

[Ed Gamble]

I would not like that even.

[James Acaster]

Just because the YouTube wasn't watched enough.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Even though he's really naughty yesterday.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it was naughty yesterday.

[Ed Gamble]

Wouldn't leave me alone.

[James Acaster]

Wouldn't leave that alone.

[Ed Gamble]

Thanks for listening.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Bye.

[James Acaster]

Bye.

[Ayoade Bamboya]

Sam.