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All you have to do is use the last minute filter on the app to book a last minute deal on a slope side private rental home. Book now@verbo.com. Welcome to Part two of the Best Ofs. We've been expecting you for some time. That's right. We're back with another fresh batch of podcast highlights. Now we've had our fair share of celebs dish the dirt on off menu and 2025 was no exception. We've had tales about Angelina Jolie, Beyonce and the Chuckle Brothers. Here's Elle Fanning, Harris Dickinson, Derma O', Leary, Carey Mulligan, Marion Keys, Kate Winslet, Christmas McAusland and Greg James. If it had to be from a specific place city. Is there somewhere where the tap water is? New York. New York. The water is the best there another vote for New York hair. Is it? Yes. Your hair feels better in New York and that's why the bagels also taste different. And I've heard that in other states there are some bagel places that get the water transported to their bagel shops to make the bagels. Because the water, that's what makes it so good in New York. They got to get the New York water over. They need to get it over. Some people get it get New York water just to wash their hair in. I'm sure there are people who fly out New York. I'm sure, right? I'm sure there's someone right now in LA building a pipeline from New York to LA. 100% to get the water. Yeah. 100%. Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt. I bet Brad Pitt or Jim Carrey. We don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He hasn't washing his hair. He doesn't believe in it. He doesn't believe in it. He's not trying. Brad Pitt, George Clooney, DiCaprio. They're getting the water pumped to him from New York to L. A. Yeah. Yes. They're all doing that. Yeah. I think Clooney probably lives in Italy or something. Yeah, I think he does. I don't know. Or maybe I just believe in the Nespresso ads. It's a bit too much. Yeah. You're believing in the. In the conspiracy. Yeah, yeah. Believe that. He lives in. He's getting New York water flown out for his Nespresso. Yeah. Just a little bit each time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's. That's the only amount he orders each time. Flies it over just enough to fill a tank with a small espresso machine. Yeah. You met Clooney? You know, I have, but it was in. It was like at an event. It was like kind of in a quick way. I don't know him super. I don't know him super well. Do you ever get starstruck? Totally. I totally do. I remember. So I went to the Met Ball when I was. I was 12 or 13, I think I was like the youngest. Wow. I think I was 13, like one of the youngest, like, attendees. But I was with my sister, which was really great. So I had like a buddy. But every. And I was a big, like, fashion nerd. I mean, I still am, but, like, especially when I was young and all I wanted to do was meet Alexa Chung at the Met Ball because she. I was like, as a 13 year old girl, I was like, I just loved her style. Like, I just wanted to meet her. And on the red carpet and I kind of wore an outfit that like, Alexa would probably have worn, you know, at the time. Bait Alexa Chung into coming over. Yeah. And then I turned around and she was there and she was like, I like your outfit. And I was like, ah. Like, I won. I was like, I can't believe that. And Beyonce was there. Beyonce I've met. And that is pretty. You know, you're in the presence of like a goddess. So as British people, it's very funny for us to hear Alexa Chung listed before Beyonce. Yeah, that's. We've had hundreds and hundreds of episodes of this podcast. That's the craziest thing. That was the game also. Beyonce was there. Yeah. Because before Alexa Chung, icon did all the fashion icon stuff. She did. She was a host. She was A host of, like, a TV show here. Yeah. On. On T4, which is like the. The Youth Channel. Yeah. So we know her as a TV presenter. Really? Yeah, she was, you know, I think, like, there was something exotic about her. Meet me being from la, like this London girl, you know. Yeah. She's very cool. Very cool. She's very cool. And I have. I got to. Got to know her a little bit now that I'm older. But, yeah, we. A little bit super nice and, you know, cool. But I'm trying to think. Oh, there's actually another funny one that I. Again, it was at the Met Ball, but I was. It. I was a little bit older and Billie Eilish and Cardi B were like, talking and I was sitting down and I kind of. I got up and I was, you know, you're wearing giant shoes, of course, and you're like, have this long train. And everyone's always trying to, like, outdo each other. Yeah. You know, the crazy outfits. And so I got up and I slipped, like, completely fell off my ass. And like, in front of Cardi B, she's like, whoa. Like, she looks over, like, in her peripheral, she just sees me, like, just go down. And I was mortified, but she was like, oh, are you okay? I was like, girl, are you okay? I'm like, yeah, I'm all good. Like, don't mind me. Like, so that, you know, you're starstruck. But I was like, that was an embarrassing. You should have just pretended you're doing, like a drag race, death drop style thing. Yeah, I should have. No, I wasn't that quick. But I was like, oh, sorry. Yeah. People are asking me about the milk. Yeah. I don't know, man. What do you. What do you say? It's very difficult, strange interactions. That's the good thing about being an actor is that you don't have to tell them anything because you just go, well, that's the film. Yes, yes. Not me. What you make of it. But people do think that's you. People think that's you. As soon as they've watched you in something, they think that's, like, your thing. Strange to encounter. I think that's what Nicole Kidman's really good at. Is that a lot of the time when I see her in films, like, she's so convinced as a character, but I don't think that is what she thinks in real life. Like. Yes. I don't know why there's so. There's a separation where I'm like, I. I think she's just completely playing the role. And there's almost a part of her that goes for roles that are so far removed from who she is. Yeah. That you can't really confuse them in a way. I don't know. That's how I felt watching yesterday. I wouldn't come away from it going, that's what Nicole Kid. I don't think I ever watch any actor and think they believe everything in the film. The Rock. My girlfriend loves the Rock. Hey, look, I love the Rock, you know, because he believes there's a figure of him right there. There is. Do you like wrestling? I love wrestling. Yeah, me too. Love the Iron Claw. Oh, yeah. My two favorite things. Wrestling and unremitting bleakness. Yes. Yeah, brother. But just. Just going off what you said about Nicole. She is such a. She's such a daring actor. Like, I. I found even in. In her body of work, it's obvious that she chooses really risky filmmakers and, like, bold stories. But when you. When you do something with her, like, she. She's really prepared to just go to the most embarrassing place without fear of judgment of anyone. Because a film set is, you know, inherently quite embarrassing. Like, someone described it the other day as. It's like a building site. And you have to walk up to the building site and stop everyone what they're doing and be like, I'm gonna have an act now. Jack Loudon said it. The actor Jack Loudon said it was with him, and he was like. Because it's true. You've got all these, like, grips and camp operators and technicians, and. And you're there, like, I'm going to perform. And it's like this very, like, physical environment where, you know, you're stopping everything for a moment and being like, my turn. Stop what you're doing now. I'm gonna step in and do my thing. And then you're sort of sat. It's really weird and embarrassing. But she is just so good at jumping in and trying stuff. So that was a cool experience for me to be a part of that and force me to also go there. Were there times where you were thinking, do you ever think in scenes like. That's Nicole Kidman. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Glad to know that. Yeah, of course. Yeah. I was saying to someone the other day, like, the first couple of weeks in the production, I really tried to play it cool and professional and, you know, didn't ask her anything because I was like, you know, she's trying to do her job. I don't want to embarrass her. And Then I was like, wait a minute. I was laying in bed one night, I was thinking, like, fucking hell, like, what? You need to ask her every single question. Like, how can you not. How can you work with someone like that and not ask? So the next day, it was like 10am and I was like, so how was Stanley Kubrick? I just have. You have to get over it. Because if you get to the end of that process and you've been too polite or too cool, you kick yourself, you know, working with someone like that. But then it's a weird one because it's a mechanism to not be starstruck, isn't it? To just be like, yeah. But then also, you meet someone like that or anyone like that. You know, years ago, I worked with Angelina Jolie, and I was like, how do I have a normal conversation with this person? I was like, 22 years old. Like, what the fuck do I ask Angelina Jolie? Like, so you've been doing this long. It's a really difficult thing where you've known someone's work, you've grown up watching them, and you're then thrust into an environment, and you've got a. Talk to them in a very, you know. Yeah, professional. In a normal. Like what? Going to work every day. It's like, you got any kids? Or it's like, you know. You know, information about them, whether you research them or not, it's just there. So that's a weird thing. I don't know if you guys find that when you meet people that you really admire, like, how to navigate the sort of interaction, like, do you go straight in with something? We go in with poppadoms or bread, normally. I mean, that's. That's. That's how we. What we've done is created a podcast and a format to. To do all of that. Is there any. Any X Factor contestant you wish was sharing this meal with? Oh, that's a nice question. One X Factor contestant. Can I have a judge or a contestant? You seriously want one of the judges? Yeah. Jersey's a world of fun. Yeah. Yeah. You want to get drinking, buddy? Yeah. Nicole is pretty much as great as it can. So, yeah, we did judge his houses once, and we ended up in Nice, and. And me and her got there the night before. We're staying in this, like, massive house, and we had the chef, and so the chef had cooked this kind of. You know, there's that sort of kind of job, isn't it? Traveling chef around Europe in the summer quite often. Who's this really sweet guy? And you know, I mean, I was kind of just taking along, but then obviously he said, what do you want to eat, Nicole? And pick this menu and blah, blah. And then towards the end of the night she said, you don't have any port here. And the kind there's color drained from this guy's face because you didn't have any port. He was like, you know, obviously, you know, serving Nicole scherzing. And she's stunning and beautiful and funny and lovely and all this sort of stuff. And he went, oh God, no, let me see what I can get. And he came back with this kind of bottle and we poured a glass of it and she's dried it. She went, oh my God, that's lovely. And he left it and it was cooking sherry. So we then proceeded to get shit faced on cooking sherry. And then she was like, we've got to find something else. So by this time this guy's gone home. So we are opening every cupboard in this house. So it's like an Airbnb. Massive Airbnb. So we just like. She's like, I found some beer. She's just an absolute. An animal. Yeah. And then so, you know, we have this great night and there's like four or five are staying there. We all go to bed. I wake up in the morning feeling, oh God, I'm gonna go down and have a swim like in the sea and feel a lot better. I've swim in the sea and I get up and I look out my window and she's literally just going like a 10 mile run. I'm like, wow, I hate you. How do you do? Start off with my poor addiction. And we've ended the podcast on. It's very poor. Perfect, but perfect addiction to be fair. Yeah. The end. That's good and fast. Band is dictionary. I bet that as well. Poor Michael. Yes, poor Mike. We can't do poor Michael for having a big wanger, can we? You're out the conversation. And that's fine at all on any of it? Yeah, yeah, no, no, there's no quotes available because you had this enough on the shame press tour. Guys didn't do any press. For shame. Because I was filming the Great Gatsby and I couldn't. I was in Sydney, so I did nothing. That's good. Baz Luhrmann. Baz Lemon wear sunscreen. He does. I should hope so. If he didn't, I'd be like, you are a hypocrite. Yeah, complete hypocrite. I go up to him and say, you are A hypocrite. Yeah. Yeah. You shouldn't have given all the people that advice in 1999. You should be ashamed yourself. Baz Luhrmann. You should get him in here and tell him. Happily. I'd school him on it. I'd be like, right, these are all the things you told me when I was 14. How many of them have you done that I should do? How many have you actually done in here? Although it wasn't him. It wasn't him. Yeah. Someone else. But he wrote the words. I think it was someone else who gave a university, like, an address. A university, did a speech. And then he took that and he made it into. Put it into someone's music. Yeah, and there's music. Isn't him either. It's, I think, a rap. What did he do? Produced it. So you. I tell my Leonardo DiCaprio story earlier, what didn't even happen to me. You must have been sitting there going, what? Leonardo DiCaprio? Oh, the. The central. I'm doing that. You're sitting there. I bet you had loads of DiCaprio stories up your sleeve. My DiCaprio stories? That. Yeah, they're all great. He's the best. I mean, no, like, juicy. Nothing juicy. He's just like a really, really professional, good actor. We're never looking for juicy stuff. We're never digging for the juice, are we? No, no, no. Yeah. I wasn't implying that you were. I'm just. I was trying to think of like a. Like a. Oh, that was good. And then I was like, oh, well, a nice thing is that we did, well, a very dramatic scene, you know, and there was crying and sort of shouting towards the end of the film. And we did his coverage first, for whatever reason, for light or whatever. And then we turned around on me, and he was like, almost better when the camera was on me. And I thought that was really solid from Leonardo DiCaprio, because he could have kind of, you know, some people sort of phone it in. The camera's on. Some people go home. People have been known to go, yeah, people have been known to act with tennis balls. But he was. He was, like, trying so hard. He was, like, practically better on my side, which I thought was really generous and solid. And he was like that the whole time. But particularly with that scene, I remember thinking, like, oh, my goodness, Leonardo DiCaprio. Any other books you'd like to star in the film of? Can I talk about a book? Yeah, yeah. Only because my brother wrote one. Okay. Tim came to the book launch last night. My Brother wrote a book called the Accidental Soldier. It's coming out tomorrow. It might not be tomorrow when this comes out, but it's coming out on April 10th. It definitely won't be tomorrow when this comes out. It's coming out. This won't come out. It'll be out. This guy's not turning it around. He's got project podcasts on the go. He's not editing this and getting out. My brother's writing a bit, but the only reason. Not the only reason. I'm very proud of him, but he's giving all of the money to Warchild, which is a charity that I've been an ambassador for 10 years. It's amazing. Looks into children in conflict zones and it's very, very funny. It's about him going to Iraq when he was about 23. What's your brother's name is? Owen Mulligan. Owen Mulligan. The Accidental Soldier. So treacle pudding. Treacle pudding. Hot custard. Hot custard. Hot cookie. Oh, and my peanut butter date. That's when this is now at the end. It comes right at the end with the bill. Yeah. Do you want like a hot drink with that as well? Like a coffee? I'd always like a peppermint tea with honey. Fresh mint tea. Honey. Because then you can just sit and chat for ages and just work your way through. Massive. I did that last night. Did you? Yeah. Who with? My brother's book launch was last night. And then afterwards I went for dinner with all of my friends who I had wrangled to come to the book launch. Flick. Flick. Flick. Not that flicks on holiday with Marcus and Sam and the gang. No, it was my two best friends from school. My sister in law and my friend who works for Warchild. Oh, one thing I got asked before that. What? What's the island that you're on in the film in Wallace? Island. Not an island. Fake island. Oh, movie magic. Contact the tabloids. Bonito. We got island that they shoot from. Like the drone shot there is an island. Yeah, we're not filming on that, but that I think is. Oh my gosh. It's like just off the coast of Temby. But the rest of it is constructed to feel like an island. Very clever. I thought it was an island. Isn't it so pretty? So pretty. But I saw the sea and I was like, I bet that goes all the way around. Oh, yeah. Turns out. Movie magic. Yeah, it doesn't. It was doing a great job acting. I got completely lost. I thought it was an Island. Yeah, I forgot that it wasn't an island. Yeah. Nomination for the Sea. Yeah. The Oscars. If you guys do your job correctly. Yeah. It's up to us to get the nomination. Kind of is up to you. You are starting the awards campaign early. We've done well. We've had a few people come on this podcast and then get nominated for us. Yeah, we have actually Mescal. We helped him out with what? With After Sun. Oh, you did help him out. Yeah. Yeah. That was a very small film. That was us. We did that. Well done. Yeah, we. Someone else recently on the Sebastian. Stan helped him. He was amazing in that film because. Well done. Yeah. He's oppos. You had to act opposite half a cow. This is true. Back end of a cow for the whole film. He was. It's an uphill battle. You've been nominated before. I have. Right. I'll figure this out. This. This is one of Bonito's least favorite things is James doing guessing games for figuring out what I've been nominated. It's so late in the day for me to do a guessing game as well. So he's going to really hate it. Nice, Joe. Yeah. I think it's such a good first time. No. I've been nominated for three times. I think such a big swing to us to ask an accent. You've been nominated for an Oscar. Yeah. Because you don't know how they feel about it. Or I think maybe now that I don't think Kerry cares either way. Yeah. But like, I think it's obviously nice, but if you. If you hadn't been. You wouldn't be like. I don't bring that up. No. Yeah. Yeah, I could. Maestro. So I got that one straight away. So you can suck it. I didn't think you wouldn't get. I thought you'd know this. Anyway. I'm surprised you asked the question. The other ones now, I. I should be able to get these. I should be able to get them. Doctor who should have been right. Yeah. He was saying earlier, best episode. Doctor who. Thank you. It is no competition. It's incredible. Weeping Angels. Have you seen it? No. I don't watch Doctor who. Even though it seems like I should. It's a long time ago. Yeah. Yeah. I won't do all the films because we'll want to wrap up. I think I could definitely. I think if I. You'd get. Thought about it. I'd get it. I'm gonna read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it. You would like Sparkle. If other people want to guess, by the way, they should tweet the Great Benito. And if you get all of the films right, you win a signed chopping board. Yes. And you're allowed to check on IMDb if you want, and things like that, but just tweet Benito the three films that Kevin's been nominated for for Oscars, and then he will send you a signed shopping board. Hashtag, hey, Gray Benito. These are the Oscaritos. These are the Oscaritos. Your dream side dish. Oh, okay. Right. How do we hassle? Hassle back potatoes. Yes. I. I nearly jumped in and said hof. And then I thought you nearly said. No, I nearly said hassle hoff. Yeah. Thank God I didn't. Yeah. Hassle back potatoes. Now, do you know what they are? I think you do. Great. Please. For the listener. Yeah. Okay. Right. They are a potato and they have loads and loads and loads of tiny, thin slices cut into them, but the bottom of the potato is still intact, so it's kind of like a little fan, a little accordion. And into the little pleats, you put, like, tons of butter. Kerrygold, of course. And you can do. I mean, you can do other things. You can do beetroot like that as well. But, like. I mean, why would you. When you could do a potato that. I would love that so much. Heavily seasoned with salt. Yeah, tons of salt. Thank you. Yeah. There's no need for the pepper, thanks. Okay. Not a fan of the pepper. I don't mind it, but I think potatoes, leave them alone. Salt and butter is all you need. You know, why ruin something that's already magnificent? Perfect. Yeah. What sort of size potato are you? Oh, very big one. Very big. Massive one. Massive. Yeah, massive. But a foot long, if at all possible, and very, very, very slender slices. Yeah. If the hasselback potato comes along, I want to see the seasoning on it. I want there to be. The more slices, the better. Yes. And I want there to be crispy little bits of seasoning, crystals of season. Not the kind of the miniscule, mingy table salt. You want some of that Himalayan pink salt, you know, great big handfuls of it. Yeah, that's it with the colour. So you're having Kerrygold butter in every little slip. Every single one. Thank you. So you can get a pack of butter in there easily. Oh, easy. That would be the dream. Yeah. Well, this is the dream. Is there a place where you've had the best Hasselback potatoes? I know this is going to sound. And I'm really sorry, Ed. My husband is fantastic at this point. Make one tonight. This guy. Keep up with this guy. This guy's leaving me in the goddamn dust. No, it's. It's just, it's inspiration. Yeah, go on, tell us about some of the things you've made. Please, come on. Yeah, come on. Chicken. I don't know. Chicken. Say it again. Chicken. Chicken. What way, Rose, come on. Roast chicken. You cannot beat a lovely roast chicken. So I'm told. Lamb. Lamb. So lamb can be lovely. So I'm told. Slow cooked lamb. Yeah, slow cooked. What about some of your veggie stuff that. Yeah, but like now you're asking. Oh, yeah, we talked, we talked with Mirasoda about it. Loads from Mirasoda's book. The tomato curry. Tomato curry? Yeah, tomato curry? Yeah. Yeah. Tell me. Yeah, how do you do it? Come on now, don't be shy. It's quite a complicated recipe because you have to have two pans going at the same time and then mix them. But yeah, yeah, it's delicious. Noodles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With a lot of tahini and black. Aren't you a lot of tahini? Oh, God. Tahini is the most wonderful thing. Yeah. But to have two pans going at the same time, I mean, that's, that's elite stuff. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Did your husband do that? I don't think he can, you know, I don't think he can. He's a one. He's a one pan man. Yeah. See? And you're a two pan man. Yes. You see? Yeah. You're fabulous. Thank you. Thank you. If I, if I was, if I, you know, I would trust a one pound man more than a two pound man. What are you talking about? I think, oh, one's not enough for this guy. No. I love the show of dexterity with the two pound man. I think he, this, a two pan man might get bored in a monogamous relationship. I'm a two pound man. One man band. Do you want David Hasselhoff there? Oh, God, I'd really rather not. You mind. I was in a room with him once. Yeah. He was singing a song. It was very odd. Is that the one about his car? Remember that one? Did you see that on the Berlin Wall? Well, he played on. He played in Berlin the day the wall came down. Right. Because he's massive in Germany. He's massive in Germany. Yeah. I shouldn't be mean about the chap. No, no, no, no, it's fine. I wish him well. I wish him well. Yes, but no, I'm fine. He doesn't have to be there? No, just the potatoes themselves are fine. Yes. What was it? So you sing one of his own songs in a room with you. Where was this room? Oh, it. Was it a gig? Did you go to a David Hasselhoff gig? No. I thought we were friends. No, I was in a TV studio and we were on a show in Ireland and then the show stopped running, you know, the camera stopped. It was the end, you know, and the next thing he grabs a microphone and has some words with the band and he's up singing. And again, it was a hostage situation. It felt like, you know, that we were all trapped and we all had to kind of look delighted. And I just wanted to go home because I was tired, but I had to look delighted and wait for the song to end. There was nothing against him in particular. Yeah. It's just that I didn't grab the mic and have a word with the band and start singing. Yes. You know, you have to. You have to make it okay with people if you're going to do that, I think, and sense the vibe in the room. Read the room. The room was tired and wanted to go home. Did he think the audience was tired? Oh, no. Thought the audience were delighted. Maybe the audience were delighted, I think with that stuff, like, I think that I would never do that because I would think of it as like, you've already done your interview, James. Yeah. You don't need him to pay even more attention to you. Just get over it. Also, it's self awareness, isn't it? Yeah. He should be thinking, I'm David Hasselhoff, I'm not Bruce Springsteen. Maybe. Yeah, yeah, he should. People want to hear this. Yeah, yeah. But then I think if I'm in the audience and I'm not in this world all the time and I've gone to see the TV show and I didn't know there'd be so much stopping and starting with the TV show and wait a second, everyone. And the warm up comes out again and you're there for hours. And then David Hasselhoff got up and sang with the band. I might be pretty. You might be delighted with it. Yeah, yeah, they probably were. And I'm just a curmudgeon. No, I don't. I'd feel the same as you. I'll be like, oh, this guy. I'd be worse than you. But like, I think it's a really good point though. Yeah, the audience probably were delighted. But then I'd think if he thinks the audience would be delighted about this even more Egotistical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But some people do. I mean. Yeah, well, it takes all sorts. See? And the thing is, Bruce probably wouldn't. No. Because Bruce is sound. Bruce knows who Bruce is. I love Bruce. He says. Bruce says the best place is the best place. His favorite place to gig in the world is Ireland. Bruce says, yeah, stop it. Favorite place in the world to do shows. Did you know that? I didn't, but I'm very, very pleased. The boss. What would you do if you met David Hasselhoff and he turned around, he had loads of slits down his back and they were stuffed with butter and covered in big salt crystals? Yeah, no, I'd leave them to it. Say, you do you, David. Good on you. Yeah. Imagine that as a scene in Baywatch where he's, like, running down the beach and then they show it from the back. Yeah. And they go, what the fuck? Yeah. Then he runs into the sea and it's the most painful thing in the world. Yeah, yeah. Because he's all hassle backed his hassle off. Yeah. Yes. It could happen. Could happen. So I do love an oyster. I do love. But only. Only the little ones. And I have two stories around my consumption of oysters, which is that forever, I would think, oh, my God. Way too gynecological looking. Can't be doing that. And then I was lucky enough when I was about 30, 31, to be invited at a dinner. It was a small dinner in New York. I lived in New York for 10 years. And it was a small dinner with a group of people who. My husband at the time, Sam Mendes, he had just worked with Paul Newman and Tom Hanks. Wow. And somehow I found myself having a meal with them. There were maybe seven or eight of us, and Paul Newman ordered 24 oysters. And I was sat beside him and they were passed around the table. Very, very generous man. It's the only time I met him passed around the table, would you like an oyster? Would you like one? Would you like one? I'm thinking, oh, God, he's gonna offer me a bark and oyster, and I'm gonna have to say, no. The plate came to me and how about you? Would you like an oyster? No, thank you. And I looked at his eyes and I went, actually, yes. Because I thought, if I eat this oyster, I will always be able to say, Paul Newman gave me my first oyster. And I had the oyster and I loved it. And so on occasion, I will order oysters, and they're just delicious. Do you think about Paul Newman every time you have an Oyster. I do, actually. I do. And then I tell the story that I just told, but I don't think I've ever told it on a podcast. So. Yes. Motor Petition exclusive. Road to permission. Exactly right. That film. Yeah. There's a point in the video where people will see that you mentioned that they work together. And I go like this. I don't want people to think that I wasn't interested in what you were saying. It was that I went. I have to remember what the film was. Great, great film. Really, really great film. And then. And then years and years and Years later, in 2011, at the beginning of the next chapter of my life, which I'm currently very, very happily immersed in, I met my husband, Ned, and. And. And again found. We found ourselves in New York, and it was at the very beginning of our relationship. And Chelsea Market is a great market in. In. In the city. And there's an amazing fish shop in there. Really spectacular. And Ned and I were just having one of those kind of early romantic days out wandering around New York City, and I said, should we get some oysters? And he said, well, I don't know if I've had oysters before. And I'm sure I then told him about the Paul Newman story. And we. And we bought these oysters and. And we took them back to the flat where I lived at the time. And I. I know how to shuck oysters. And so I shucked all these oysters, and we had the oysters and had some champagne, and then. And then we're still together and moving on. You got it. So I did. So that's a baller move on a date. Yeah. If I was on an early date with someone, they were like, I'm gonna shuck you an oyster. I'd be like, right, well, we're getting married. Yeah. Yeah. That's absolutely brilliant. There was no question as to whether or not we were going to be together forever. I knew that as soon as I met him, I was like, oh, it's you. That's nice. Oh, it's you. I know it sounds super soppy, but I really did. Yeah, I really did think that. That's nice. Good old Ned. When you did Strictly, did you have to change your diet at all? When I did. So when I did Strictly, which I talk about in my book, Keep Laughing, which is out for Christmas, makes a pr. Guys out there, they'll be. They'd be like, oh, God, they left ages ago, Chris. Yeah. Thank God he's brought it back to the book. I could Eat what I wanted. Like, literally, it was insane. Like, we'd be training eight hours a day. I would have a burger for like a Tuesday dinner time. Who's having a burger for a Tuesday dinner time at the age of 4, 48? And then. And then I go, john, I'll have a burger again on the Wednesday or. And I. It just didn't matter. I was. I was eating chocolate like it was Christmas and. And then it was Christmas and. And so there was the calories. Didn't matter. I ate what I wanted and I still lost weight. It was in. It was insane. Wow. But, you know, to counterbalance that, I was also held together with physiotic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was physically, kind of slowly ripped me apart over four months. People go to feel healthier. I literally feel like I've been in a car crash. Yeah. Like, me ass is literally sellotaped to me back, like, with actual pieces of tape. They've. They've taken tape, they've attached it to me cheeks, and they've stretched that out to my shoulders. Yeah. And they've gone, this will hold you in the forest form of a human for another week. You just say to your wife, that's a Brazilian butt lift. Yes, I could eat what I wanted. It was. It was good. But then you've really got to rein it in when it finishes because you don't carry on dancing. And that's the one thing you can't carry on eating like that. Otherwise you. It all goes wrong, doesn't it? Yeah, it was great. It was great to watch it every single week, every time we. Like, I can't believe I'm still in it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, I honestly thought. I said no to it a few times because I didn't think it was possible. I thought, like, I'm all for diversity. I'm like, we should have more diversity, more representation across mainstream program. Do you want to do Strictly? Are you insane? Literally insane. Come on. In what world do you think this is even possible? And I didn't. I didn't know what it was they were asking me to do because I couldn't. You can't describe it. Describe it. It was dancing. But how good, how technical, how fast? What are the dances? So the only way I could, I was able to figure out what it was they wanted me to do was by doing it. So it was so the unknown, most terrifying thing I've ever done in my life. And, you know, top 10 scariest things I've ever done in my life at 10 episodes are strictly hands down. It was that. That feeling of 8 million people watching at home and you're in the studio while that VT plays and you're just waiting for this moment of reckoning and then it comes in the studio and they go dancing or whatever. Chris. And honestly, the nerves, I've never felt anything like it. And you just have to flick those switches in your head and just try and belt through it, you know? But it is. It's terrifying. Which is why as soon as that dance was over, if I felt like I'd done a good job and we put the hours and we'd done all right, I went straight into comedy mode. Because that was me safety net. Yeah. That was like. I've just blocked me. Well, I've just blocked myself as a dancer for the last two minutes. Yeah. Now let's take the piss out of Craig and have a laugh and do something that I know I can do. And it worked. People liked it. But the thing is that, I mean, the thing I'm proud of with it is that for none of the weeks throughout the whole 13 weeks were me and Diane ever kept in above somebody that got more points than us. Every week, the person that went out had less points than us, but from the judges. So we always held our own. Even though it connected with the audience at home and. And they liked what we were doing and we had people supporting us and stuff, we always held our own up until the final. And then in the final, over three dances, we only. We only were only four points off a maximum. So I couldn't be prouder of what we did, you know, it was remarkable. And even when we got to February, two months after, I'd look back and I just. When you're out of that bubble for just two months, I'd look back and I go, how the fuck did we do that? It just felt, it felt, it felt insane that that was even something that happened. So. Yeah, but it's. It's all in the book. Yeah. Look at you now on a giant Pot Noodle. Yeah. Dancing a giant Pot Noodle, Chris. Yeah. Yeah. I suggested, you know, I. A lot of the music that you do, you dance as well. You're allowed to kind of. It's a three way kind of conversation between Strictly and you and Diane and your dancer. And I don't. I, you know, I have my input on some dances and some ideas, but I'd say most of the things I suggested on that show were shot down quite early on A lot of my musical. I mean, me and you, Ed, share a lot of musical tastes. Yeah. Yes. A lot of my musical tastes were like, I. I'd play Diane something that I thought had a really good beat and a really good rhythm, and she'd say, you just can't dance to this. There's nothing in it at all that even remotely resemble. I'm like, listen to that bass line D of the ones that Got Away. You know, I did play some Pearl Jam. I play. So I was told that, like, the couple's choice. You can do something that kind of means something to you. And also the paso doble, I was told, is kind of the one that you could do something heavier, too. I went through a whole morning of playing Diane Sepultura and Soulfly songs, which is Brazilian thrash metal. Thrash. Groove metal. And kind of arguing with her in disbelief that she was saying there was no rhythm to them. It's pure rhythm of too much rhythm. I would say. Yeah. I would say it's the. It's the cranberry sauce of the musical world. Yeah, But. Yeah, but I see a point. And I realized, doing Strictly as well, that it's as much about the song as it is about the dancing. Like, people will only like a dance if they like the song. Interesting. And I think that the song, really. Unless it's a paso doble, which is, like, traditional kind of. It works well with the traditional music. I think it needs to. It needs to have words to the song. It needs to be. They work better than, like, a score or. I remember. I remember Shane, who I was on with, did one of his dances. I can't remember which one it was, but he did it to whatever that tune is. That's the theme tune for Alton Towers. Yeah, yeah. And all of the Mountain King. I can't remember how it goes. It's fun. Faster and faster. Yeah. It's the Fantasia thing as well, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He did it to that. And I was listening to it because I'd do that every week. I'd be up there, like, there'd be an amazing dance, get stood and the finish, and I'd say, to die. God, the band's amazing. But he did it to that, and it sounded amazing. But I was just thinking, I don't think people are gonna like the song compared to, you know, the other choices on that week. So I think that's important on it, you know. Yeah. I really wish I'd been able to see you dance to a Soul Fly song. Would you do it? No, never. I wouldn't hold up, Chris. I'll be out week one from stress. I'll be pleading down the band of the camera for them to vote me off. Please, no one vote for me. I can't take this anymore. Also, costume would have an absolute nightmare with him when he just gets an egg on it every single week. Please stop eating breakfast wrap just before you go on. I can't help it. I don't know what your Chuckle Brothers sort of cultural touch points are. Were you into them? Did you rush home and watch Chuckle Vision constantly? Love them. Still think about them to this day. Yeah, yeah. But I think that set us all. A certain generation set us all on a path of going, oh, maybe you could just mess around forever. Yeah. And just do that sort of job and do a different job every day and get fired from it for slacking. Well, not specifically the narrative of the show. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Not the. In. Not the actual stories in the show, but about the actual people. Yeah. I'm not talking about their. Their Personas. I'm talking about the real. The real people. Because you know that. That boss was an actor. Yeah. And you know who the boss was? I don't know. Their half brother. So there were two people who were always the boss. Mr. No slacken. And I think. I can't remember what the other catchphrase was there. Mr. No slacken. They were the half brothers of the. The Juggle brothers. They were both their half brothers. Yes. And the catchphrase was no slacken. No. No slacking. And they were the half Chuckle Brothers. Yeah. It's like a showbiz family, I think. The half chuckle. Yeah. Nearly there. Yeah, he nearly got it. Yeah. Spin off show that's called the Half Chuckle Brothers. Yeah. And this is the two half brothers. Yeah, yeah. Knocking around. So him and Barry. When I was 10, I went to go and see the Chocolate Bros with my nan at Weymouth Pavilion. Amazing. Great venue. Yeah. Have you done stand up there once? Yeah, it's a great venue. But Nelton was in the main room. Oh, really? Okay. Good luck to him one day. All the best for the future. All your best for the. For the future. And your quest of the main room. But it's. It was a sign in. They did a signing afterwards and they would give you a photograph. And it was. And he wrote to Gregory, all the best for the future. Which I was so excited about because I was there in my shell suit, you know, with all the other kids being like, oh, my God, it's the guys off the telly. This is the, these are the best guys. And when we walked away and my nan was like, let's have a look at that. She'd see that and go, why did they write all the best for the future? That's just strange thing to say to a kid, but it is quite strange. But I quite like, I like that they wrote that and I've always remembered it and I just thought that's quite a good starting point for the book. So I start as a 10. 10 year old me. Yeah. And I sort of imagine what my future life could be like. So it's a load of essays about growing up and falling in love and sort of gripes about the world and a reminder hopefully to, to stay true to your 10 year old self because the stuff you love when you attend is probably the stuff you've kind of like now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To a certain extent. To a certain extent. Chocolate Brothers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I watch it, I'll watch it after, when I get home after this. I mean, look, you know, definitely I've made a living off of coming on this podcast and talking about ice cream and how much love ice cream. There you go. That was me as a 10 year old. It's not changed at all. If anything, it's got even more intense. Yes. You still love wrestling. Still love wrestling, yeah, exactly. I'm regressing, basically. I think that's fine. But I think you can regress as you get older. But you just got. Because maybe it's even more important because you've got so much boring stuff to sort that as well. As long as you keep doing the boring stuff as well. You do have to do both. You've got to do the taxes and, and watch Chocolate Bro. Yeah. Otherwise your life sort of falls apart. Yeah. And then, then you are just sat home watching Chocolate Brothers. Then you're a genuine chuckle brother. Because like within the script of the show. I don't think those guys were doing their taxes. No. No way though. That feels like a sort of after hours, sort of grown up version of it where they didn't. It's like an HMRC infomercial. Yeah. It's like it's January 30th 5th, it's 5 to midnight and they're just pushing the HMRC form from one to the other, going to me, to you. And then they would get investigated at some point. Yeah. And sit down with them and go, okay, listen, you've had a series of jobs each lasting less than a day from what we can see. Explain this one at the, at the marble factory. How were you paid? It is cash in hand, isn't it? That's true, Right? Yeah. Okay. It's got to be cash in hand. Repeatedly. One of two bosses. Can you explain that? And they're your brothers. Multiple jobs. You have about 365 jobs a year. Two bosses who own all these businesses. We were investigating them as well. You better believe that. We are. Don't look at him. Answer the question. Put the ladder down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Clean the windows. In a minute. Yes. This is serious. Yeah. Stop saying oh, no. Be careful of that. But that bucket of slime. Okay. Will you tell that story as someone. You must now sign autographs for people. I do. During this book. You never signed a lot. You're gonna be signing books, going to book signings. Yeah. All the best. Fair enough. All the best for the future. Yeah. Not only is it weird thing to say to a kid, I'd say if you're doing loads of signings, I would just write all the best. It's a long thing to write. I wouldn't want to double my word count there. Yeah. All the best for the future. Which maybe shows that they really did care. Well, I guess so. Or, I mean, I. I interviewed Paul. There's a chapter about Paul at the end of the book. Yeah. It's quite a sweet moment where I'd see him again for the first time in 30 years. And I said, why do you. Did you do this for all the kids? He went, no, I don't know why I'd even say that. And I went, what do you think? He went, well, he must have said something. He blamed me. And I said. I said, well, maybe. I said, maybe I want to be like, beyond telly one day. Or like. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that's maybe what it was because he said he would normally just do to me. To you, of course. So I don't know. I think it might be a 1 of 1. I think it's a unique. This is incredible. Yeah, it might be. I mean, anyone reached out since the. No. Could just be you. I think it's it. Yeah. It might be. Well, look, this is. This is. This is it. If there is somebody who's also gotten all the best for the future. Yeah. Chuck. Autograph. Yeah. Some of our favorite moments in the Dream Restaurant are when the podcast turns into utter chaos. Like, well, I don't know. For example, the entire Jeff Goldblum episode. Let's hear from Stevie Martin, Lucia Keskin, Joy Crooks, Moan, Rizwan Ben Schwartz and Jeff Goldblum. We drink side dish. Is it our old friend Brad again? Oh, it's gotta be. No, it would have to be something that complemented it. So you're looking for something fresh, you're looking for something but not boring. Padron peppers. Nice. That's good, isn't it? That came to you like a bolt from the blue. That did. Yeah. Yeah. Another starter, to be fair. Okay. Usually classically a starter, is it? Yeah, I'd say, yeah. Starter or it's just tapas dish, isn't it? What's a side dish? You have patch and peppers as a side. It's your meal. Throw this to you. What would you have as a side dish for nachos? If I was getting nachos as a main. Yeah. The thing is, then I'm thinking. You are thinking in the realm of padron peppers, because you're thinking, I've basically got a starter for a main. So then you're like, I'm doing bits. I might get some chicken strips, jalapeno poppers and like. That's good. Okay, I want to change my answer. Yeah, Yeah. A bit of, like, breaded, sort of, you know, deep fried. Yeah, that's great. You got jalapenos and cheese on the nachos. Again. I've been foiled by it. And it would have to be like vegan cream cheese in the middle. I don't know how you feel about that. Sometimes it can be okay that the Philadelphia vegan is actually okay. I mean, is it just. The texture is the same. It's quite cold tasting, so. Yeah. I thought padron peppers was a. Was a good shout. No, it was more just like. I don't actually think. When push comes to shove, I know what a side dish is. Broccoli. Yeah. But you could have. That is actually. Yeah. I mean, any type of veg, really. Loads of vegetables. All right. I do quite like that. Tender stem. Broccoli. I thought you were going to say chips because you said how much you love them at the start, but I thought that. But that does sound like I'm just. Nachos and chips is insane after two loads of bread. Yeah. Which actually, to be honest, now I'm thinking about it is quite on brand, because I do. I will. I do get excited about the bread. And I am then feeling a bit sick. Like a salad or something. Kidney beans and mayonnaise. Kidney beans and mayonnaise on the side. How about that on the side? There's probably kidney beans in the gilantros, but I have been known to put some grated cheese in that. Another thing, just some rice and soy sauce. That's okay though, isn't it? Just rice and soy sauce is okay. It's a snack. It's not gross. Oh, you eat that sometimes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want that as your side dish. Well, it's not gross. It's odd that that's a snack you have. Is it odd? So I think I would say that's quite straightforward. They go together. Yeah, they go together, yeah. It's just like. I can't be bothered to make, you know, a stir fry. So I'll just get the components. Rice and soy sauce. Yeah, yeah, okay. All the components of a stir fry. Very carby, isn't it? Okay. No, I will stick with. I'll go. Padron pepper poppers. Oh, nice. There we go. Don't think it's ever been done before. Surely not. So cream cheese in the padron, peppers and breadcrumbed all around. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Padron pepper poppers. Poppers. So you never had that before? No, I don't. You've just invented it. No, I think it's the thing. Someone must have made that. If people. People have made weirder things. You think people have stuffed a Patron pepper before? Yeah, yeah. Peter Piper. Peter Piper did it. That's very good. Thank you. That's what the restaurant's called. Invite him to your meal. You can get on. Do you think Peter Piper would get. He's gonna flip his lid when he sees the fucking peppers, isn't he? He'd be like, can I not have one day where people don't try and give me peppers everywhere I fucking go. These better not be pickled. Oh, pickled. Padron Pen. Shakespeare. Just, like, steadily pushing the plate to one side into the bin. What's the medieval version of nachos? Mutton. What's the medieval version of nachos? I don't know. Potatoes and mutton. Yeah, Potatoes and mutton, I think. Yeah. I met your dog. You did? Very sweet. Lovely, nice dog. Lovely little dog. I love dogs. I'd love to have. Be surrounded by dogs as well for the meal. That's nice. Your own dog. Definitely, yeah. And some more. Will your dog have a special sort of position within the group of dogs, or will they just be in the mix of. She'll have her own little chair. Yeah. With a little plate of cheese. Yeah, she loves cheese. Does she? Yeah. And then the other dogs can just have sort of some snacks. Yeah. As well. Just because I Don't want to be pestered. Yeah. I want to give. Be able to give them some, but not enough. I can't give them my food because it's got onion in it, so. Can dogs not have onion? No, I learned that the hard way. Will you talk us through what happened? I just found out that if they have onion, they'll die. Was that the hard way? Yeah, the hard way. The halfway is your dog die. Oh, really? God. I was. I thought it was. That was. You got to be careful how you use that phrase. Don't go around, say to people, I learned that the hard way when there's much harder ways. Yeah, than what? You went. My dog's still got a brain disease. It just wasn't from onions. I guess I just learned that technically, I did learn it the hard way. No, because you didn't learn anything about the onions from your dog having a brain disease. No, but I did learn the hard way. What do you mean? About, you know, having a dog when you get a dog. You know, learned that the hard way. She's now about what it's like to have a dog. She's now got meningitis. Yeah. Yeah. But you didn't learn that dogs can't have onions the hard way. You just learned that you learned another thing the hard way. Yeah, that doesn't mean you should use that phrase for every situation you're in. But they can't have onions. So you did learn that. Yeah, you learned that, but not the hard way. Yeah, you learned that A number of things. I'd say. You learned that the easy way. Yeah, yeah. You learned the fact she had an onion. Then. Then I've just, you know, killed her. Yeah, but you already knew that. So you not learned that the hard way. You just messed up. I wouldn't know that she's eating the onion. Sorry. Would I. What do you mean? Well, I wouldn't. You don't always know if a dog's eat. Like this is the issue. The dog can just. You won't know. You don't always know if your dog's gonna eat an onion. So you do sometimes learn the hard way. Yeah, you would learn the hard way, but. But again, for that, you would have to not know that dogs can't eat onion. And then your dog, without your knowledge, eats an onion and dies. Yeah. And then you take it to the vet and they go, I'm a little bit confused. You've learned the whole. Well, at least. At least there's no onions in your kitchen. Never. No, but I really Was to make sure that she understands this. Because you are saying you're confused, but like I'm saying. Yeah. You read a fact about onions, said if dogs eat onions, they die. So you read that. And because of that, your dog hasn't eaten onions and nothing's happening. So I've learned that the hard way because. Because your dog didn't eat it. So the hard way. Yeah. Is that you feed your dog an onion and it dies. Yeah. And then. And then you find out how you learned. That's the hard way. That's the hard way. Just an expression, though, isn't it? Yeah, but it means something. So, like, if, like, we all learn the hard way. You found out the hard way that dogs can get meningitis when your dog got meningitis. Yeah, yeah. You learned the hard way with the onion thing. You just read that? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. But I think my dog. I don't know if I learned the hard way. My dog did just get meningitis. Did you know before that the dogs could get meningitis? I suppose. The hard way then. And you already knew and then you're dog later. That would have been a perfect example. Yeah. Yeah. Because we learned that the hard way. Main course, I had a really, like, this was a nightmare for me because I was stuck between the two. So I'm kind of like, you have to let me get away with this. Okay. All right. So the main course, inside dish, I kind of have to work together because that's the only way we're going to let this happen. But basically, the first thing I thought of when you. When I heard main course was spaghetti bolognese, I'm just going to be honest. I know I'm going to get a lot of for that. I know it's like having. It's like a velcro moment, you know, it makes you feel uncomfortable. But we all know the feeling, you know, and that's what spaghetti bolognese is for me. Are we gonna ask questions? Well, I don't know, because when Joy says stuff like this, we have questions, but when we ask them, I feel like. I know you're gonna say. I feel like we're seen as silly for not understanding idiots. Velcro moment. And, like, I mean, there's a lot of things along the way that I'm just like, I don't think you'll get any shit for saying spaghetti bolognaise. Pretty much everyone loves spaghetti bolognese. But then, like, Italians, it makes you feel uncomfortable. It's like a Velcro moment. And I don't know what that means about spaghetti Bolognese at all, because, like, okay, it just made sense in my brain. But basically, I turned 27 recently and I asked for a fry tag bag because they're, like, really durable and, like, you could literally, like, you know, be in the worst weather ever and it would be fine. It won't get damaged. And I really like practical things. It might be a potential gay thing. I don't know. But. But being 27 and having Velcro is really okay. It's really humbling because we've all been there, right? We've all had Velcro shoes or, like, Velcro something, because there was a time we couldn't tie things up. So there's something really warming and, like, nice about it and. And nostalgic. But at the same time, I just feel like a wall ad on the tube when I'm trying to get my lip liner out, and there's just 27 trying to, like, maybe to do some dodgy eye contact with someone on the tube. And then the next thing you know, the Velcro happens. And although it's. It's a familiar feeling, it's nonetheless an embarrassing one. And that's how I feel about spaghetti bolognaise. That's absolutely perfect. I completely understand now, James. No, come on, James. Come on, James. I don't understand. It's nostalgic. It makes you feel good. Yeah. But from the outside perspective. Yeah. It's quite sort of remedial and childish. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Okay. Yes. Okay. It's not often. Normally, it has to. Yes. This is what I was about to say. Normally, I have to translate what James has said to the guest. This is the first time I've had to do it the other way around. Cool. But it's nice to know I can always be the middleman in every situation. Yeah. Well done, man. I feel good. I understand both of you. You're smashing it. Thank you. Okay. Got you, D. I think so. Yes. The confusing thing about the Velcro thing was the fact that your 20 was using the 27 things. I was like, that's so young. But I felt like you were using it. Like, 27 was not. But it's not. It's old for Velcro. It's old for Velcro. Yeah. Okay. Yes. I'm not gonna sit here and play my tiny violin I left at home. I did buy one. A tiny violin? Yeah. How small are we talking? It's this big. Yeah. So, like, what's that? Like, small? Yeah. Small. And then it comes with a bow and it has this little button on it because it's battery powered. And if you can use it and unplugged. Yeah. You can literally press down on the bottom bit, but that's where the bow would go. And it plays a tiny little sad tune. That's good. Is it? Sometimes when you're recording music and you have, like, novel things like that around because they're so novel, do you really hope it'll work on the song? Is it really gutting if you do record them in some back and go. That's not it. You can't make it work, though, because you can manipulate it, can't you? Okay, you can change the pitch and make it work. But I just like it because my mates just all my boyfriend, who start gabbing on about something, I just get the tiny violin out and just press it down like that. Yeah. Stand there. Yeah. And he wonders how he's ever gonna spoon me again. That's what he's wondering. Is it? I think so, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's the spaghetti bolognese. Homemade. Yeah. It has to be. It could be made by, like, a nonna, but, like, I feel like a nonna would be just cussing me out and I just don't want to be cussed by an auntie in the. I think if we're having this dream restaurant, I don't think genies are going to allow any kind of cussing. We're just like, angry. Like, angry auntie energy. I could deal with, like a funny auntie. Yeah. You know, one that kind of smokes in the kitchen type type of thing. Yeah, that's cool. That's cool. Yeah. So I think an auntie that smokes in the kitchen is cooking and it's kind of a little bit fit in, like a way where you're, like, when you're in your 20s, you're a big problem. You can see the history in the eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Still a little sparkle. Yeah. I have an Italian name I came up with. Yeah. I have, like an Italian alter ego. My Italian name is John Cena. John Cena. You're not pronouncing it right. Sorry. Your Italian name is John Cena? Yeah. And is that where you got it from by accident? Yeah, I said it out loud and then my boyfriend said the exact same thing. He said John Cena. Yeah. I was like, oh, well, that's it. Uh. Oh, you're good to see me. So there's auntie in the kitchen that smokes frags and is a little bit fit. Her name is Jansen. Yeah. Okay. And is it. If you look closely, is it clearly John Cena wearing a. Wearing a wig? Yes. Yeah. Yes, it is. Good on him. Yeah, yeah. Good for him. So that's what we'll have for mains. Oh, and you get. And we actually have a refill station, but it's just for Parmesan. Okay. You like a lot of Parmesan on there and you want to keep refreshing it as you're going along. So I don't like when everyone puts it all at the top. What I think you need to have is the little tub and then layer that layer, go in for the next layer. That's nice. Yeah, great. That's how I do it. When you say refill station, I'm imagining like a. Drinks. Yeah, exactly that. So you're putting it just like dandruffy. Yeah. Also, the Parmesan isn't going to be like them weird shaved ones. It's going to be like. Like that needs head and shoulders type of Parmesan. Yeah, like really, really psoriasisy. But proper Parmesan. Like, just grated heavily. Yeah, just great. Not like Parmesan. No, no, no, it's not. It's like, whatever. What's the posh uncle like? Like Grana Padano. That's the cheat one, actually. I didn't realize I was. What I was doing solid by buying that. So Parmesan. It's Btec Parmesan. What's the posh Parmesan called? Bonito Hulko Hagano. It's called that. Stony or cold. Yeah, I put Parmigiano. Reggiano, surely. Parmigiano. Reggiano Sounds made up, doesn't it? It does sound made up, but I always sing it in my head. But it's like a big one, like one of them big wheels. That's like the right color. Have you ever seen him crack the wheel? Excuse me? Have you ever seen them crack the wheel? I've never seen anyone crack the wheel. A fresh wheel, completely covered, and then they have to put in, like, spikes at the side and then they, like tap the spikes in and then you hear a crack. Oh, it's that hard? Yeah, it's like a loud crack and the whole thing lifts off. That's really interesting. I never heard of that. I will watch that on. Yeah, it's good. It's satisfying. I've seen it happen live and it's a wonderful experience. I wonder if there's like an omen for that. An omen like, if you crack up, you know, like, we should come up with a proverb, like an Italian one. Like. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You never really know him until he cracks a wheel. Until he cracks a wheel. Yeah. Yeah, that works. That's a good one. Thanks. Yeah, yeah. Which one would you do? I'm not sure. I could. I could improve on that. Joy. Okay. Your dream starter. So I think a lot about Teletubby food. No, yeah, no, keep going. Yeah. Now, yeah. On the way here, I was listening to a song that mentioned Teletubbies and. Was it the Teletubby Steam? Yeah, yeah. Because it does mention it a lot, that soundtrack. Bang. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But. But yeah, it made me think. I thought about Teletubby today. Just. I know you brought them up now. I think I'll let you think about this morning. I think about that, you know that, like that pink custard that used to pipe through the bowl? I think about the smiley face toast. Yeah. And it's like therapy and it's just soothing it, like. Yeah, I wanna. I wanna be there. Okay. In Teletubby land. Yeah. I don't want none of the Teletubbies there because that's creepy. Yeah, sure. Right, we're past that now. Do you have a gig with Tinky Winky? Did I have a gig with Dinky Winky? Yeah, yeah, A few of us have that. He was a comedian. He was like an alternative. A comic from the 80s. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he played Tinky Winky. So you'd occasionally be on a bill with him and everyone would say to you, yeah, that's Tiki Winky. No. Would you talk about it? Yeah, sometimes you talk about it on stage. But, like, you know, obviously they wouldn't believe him because they just assumed the comedians are lying. So you would kind of see him talk about being Tinky Winking. I was like, don't think so, mate. But, like, we knew. He's a green one in it, the purple one. Oh, he wasn't the one with the hat. Hat, no. It's the tallest one. Dipsy had the hat. That's hard, though. In it, you're not even the star. Yeah, because the hat. Yeah, he was the. He was the solo career, kind of. Yeah. I think you ask different people, they'll tell you different, you know, because they're the. You know, they resonated with that person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know. Yeah. Maybe you're just like a Dipsy guy. And I identify with Po quite a lot. Yeah, yeah. The afterthought and yeah, I always last. But you don't want any of them to be there while you're eating your meal. To be there. Because I know it's adults in, like, costumes, and then I feel like that's, like, virgin, you know, like sort of baby fetish territory. Do you know what I mean? But I want my friends there. I want, like, my perfect birthday would be. Would, like, take. You know, like, you can get an Airbnb and go be in a castle for a bit or whatever. What friends? Which friends? It's all the people you didn't mention in your BAFTA speech. Yeah. Because your therapist took say sorry precedent. Imagine taking the therapist to tell it. Don't be like. You'd get into it in it. Yeah. He'd be like, well, let's. Let's unpack this. A friends who won't unpack. Yeah, unpack the psychology of, like, why I'm desperate to go back to that time when, you know, that that show was so soothing, you know, like, when life was easier, basically. It's. Yeah, life's easy in. In Tubby land. Right? In Teletubby land. Yeah. The sun's having a laugh. The sun. The sun's a baby. The sun's a baby, man. The sun can be there. Yeah. The sun can be. The sun can be there. What about the Hoover? Yeah, yeah. Anyone who's not like, a man in a suit. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? So the Hoover can be the new. New loser. Yeah. New news there. And also because we gotta make a mess. Racks and lines of coke that gonna need to do. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, papadoms for a start. Noon is going to be going wild. Popcorn at your face. Yeah. Be working over time. Wish those tubbies were back. Feels unethical now, isn't it? It's like, is Nunu getting paid? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. You know in lockdown, when the Kardashians had that, like, holiday and they had, like, the help in the background wearing masks. Obviously not. Obviously. I don't know about that, but yeah, sure, yeah. During lockdown, they threw a party. Yeah. And there was, like, photos of, like, the help in the background, like, like, serving and, like, masks and stuff. Anyways, that's what I want Nunu to be. Yeah. Okay. You know. Yeah. Do you want tubby custom and tubby toast as your starter then? I want tubby toast. Yeah. Because let's not get crazy. No, I'm not trying to have dessert before my main. Yeah, I mean, that Would have been nice, though. I would have liked that. If you had to be custard and tubby coast. Yeah, I hear you. Maybe we could dip it in. Oh, come on. Surely you want to dip the tubby because they go together, right? See what it's like. Yeah, yeah. And it just. The main thing is it needs to look really plasticky. Like, it needs to. I mean, it can't because it looks so fake and that's why it was so delicious. What do you think tubby custard and tubby toast tastes like? I reckon like art department making food, which is not real food. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? But if I was to really suspend my disbelief and what I wanted it to taste like as a kid, the. The toast would taste like, you know, those edible. You know, you get like, some things that look like they're not edible, but then they are like little marble cakes or what, you know? Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, yeah. No, you know when the sugar, like, goes all shiny because the way it's, like cooked on and it's like snaps in your mouth. Now that's what I wanted to taste like. Oh, now I'm confused. Like sort of glazed. Yeah. You know almond nuts. Yeah. You know, sometimes they put like a sugar coating on them. Yes, yes. Yeah. Okay. And then they're like. Yeah, yeah. A little shell. Yeah, it's another. Yeah, of course. It's all about that. Yeah, yeah. It's like a really thick popper, though. Yeah. With glazing. Yeah. Okay. Like, what about, like, if someone got a popping up and put, like, crispy clean Krispy Kreme glaze on it. Yes. Like if you put it through the glaze curtain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's hardened. The whole thing's that hard. Yeah. I want to do this in the royal icing. I think it might be like royal icing. Yeah. I think about, like Krispy Kreme glazed neck. Now on a poppadom, you said crispy clean. Actually, I did say that earlier. I struggled with tubby custard. Yeah. Like, it's. All these words now are confusing me. Would you go through the glaze curtain? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. If someone at Krispy Kreme was like, lay down on that conveyor belt. Absolutely, yeah. Just go through the. Absolutely, yeah. And be covered in it. Yeah, yeah. You laying on it on your back. Back on your front. On. On my back. Because my front, I've got a bit of a hairy chest and hair's just glaze, you know, we've all been there. It's. Yeah, yeah. Getting out. You know what I mean? I think at this point in my life, my. I've never had a hairy chest. My back's hairier than my front. Yeah, yeah. Is it? Yeah, I think so. Wow, man, you wear that like a badge of honor. Yeah. Really? That's a vibe. Rarely check out the old back to see what's going on there, but when I do, I'm like, that's the last place you want someone to be sick. Yeah, exactly. Much rather Barrymore, get it on my chest. Get it on my chest. Get that fizzy sick on my chest. For God's sake. Barrymore. Pepsi vomit. I have to get out then. Glazier. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is very hard. Imagine going for the Michael Barrymore Vom curtain. Get the conveyor belt. They bring Barrymore up. He's had 10 Pepsi Maxes. We don't title these episodes like some podcasts do, but I think if we did, it would be cool. This episode will be the Michael Michael Barrymore Vom Curtain. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. Dreamstar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's tubby custard tasting like, do you think? Sweet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because otherwise it would be guns, wouldn't it? Like, you just be eating. Sure, yeah. We want sweet. We don't want it too sweet. So you can have loads of it. I think, like, again, you know, the. You know, the Krispy Kreme filling kind of donut filling. Yeah, like that, but pink. Yeah. You know what I mean? I like that. This. How old are you guys? You're younger than me by year. 39. 39. Okay. We're close. You're younger than that. 38. 38. Yeah. When's your birthday? Let me guess. I do not know either, Ben. I don't know yours. I will guess all three of your birthdays separately. Okay. Okay. This is a special skill that I do. Yes, yes. Okay. Is it like the impressions? It's just like my impressions, then It'll be perfect. April 13th. Not far off. What is it? That's correct, right? That means I'm within two and a half weeks. Okay. Okay. If I get within two and a half weeks. That's unbelievable. That's the rule. It's crazy. You didn't even react. You guys are too British. That's unbelievable. That's unbelievable. That's true. Yeah, that's right. Okay, Give me a second. Yeah. Ben doesn't react to anything. Just don't ever take it personally with him. We've been doing this podcast For a long time, he just sits there like he's not coining it in. God, you laughed at the genie part. You laugh every time at the genie part. No, he hates the genie part. I always hear him going predictable. July 6th. January 9th. Oh, you got the J. September 10th. No, October 4th. But hang on. You got the number, right? I. I think in your head, you saw. For me, it begins with J and you saw the number nine and you flipped upside down. Yeah. And I was trying to think. I was trying to. January 6th, our. The big thing that happened in America and DC. I was like, you're definitely born around that time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. On that day. You're the 10th, but it's not that. Yeah. February 10th. No, March. Oh, so close, though, to get the tent straight. Is this what the podcast is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a hundred percent what the podcast. I love this. I love this. I love how you're. You're initiating these games and then you ask us, is this what the podcast is? We've got two more projects to talk about. Yes. Sorry. Oh, sorry. DNA. So we're. We just attached Jorma and we're eking towards a green light, which is very exciting. And we haven't. I'm not allowed to say what it's about yet. It's. It's under wraps. The pot. The plot is under wraps. That's cool. But I wrote it. I've written many drafts of it. The first draft was written years ago for Searchlight. And then we attached Party Over Here, which is Jorma, Andy and Akiva. And then we attached Jorm as director. And now we're fixing the script up to hopefully shoot with me and Sam Rockwell, who's won an Oscar, and he's doing a movie, Scarf of Free Billboards. Oh, yeah, he was. He was the. Here we go. He was great in a Green Mile, remember? Very good. Yeah, he was. When I first saw him, and I was like, he was in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The original Teenage Mutant Turtles is as lead thug. Thug. Now I'm interested. You gotta see a picture of him. He's amazing. He's wearing a white T shirt, and he has, like, cigarettes underneath his white shirt. He's like a kid. Coolest thing. The coolest. Yeah. God. Mike and Nick and Nick and Alice. Does the name Vince Vaughan mean anything to you? A little bit. Did a little roll in that smaller room. Just wrapped that. That was very fun. I. There's a very. Ben David, who directed it, did Scott Pilgrim, the Animated Series, and is a genius and he called me and he had this really fun role and he pitched it to me and showed me boards and it was so cool. I was like, gotta do it. So I did that. That was really fun. James Marsden is in that. Who's Also in Sonic 1, 2 and 3. Did you. Is this your first time meeting James Marsden face to face? Because in Sonic, your cartoons. That's true. This is. I met him during publicity. But you're right. Must be weird. I like when you on set in Sonic, just sort of painted blue, walking around, doing the voice. Yeah. That's what. I'm just hanging out. Yeah. Yeah. I don't smoke cigarettes, but I imagine I'm smoking cigarettes. Smoking cigarettes, being like, all right, another one. One. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like that could be me. Do you think you could. If you had to be Sonic in real life, you could do it. Tell me what that means. Take me through what that means and I'll tell you. Yes or no. Run really fast. Run into all the coins. Run upside down. Rings, coins. Is Mario. Keep going. Anything else you want to. Getting hit and dropping rings everywhere. There you go. That's a good one. Yeah. Yeah. Picking up my barrel and throwing it like Donkey Kong. Yeah. Yeah. And you have to defeat Robotnik. At the end of Robotnik is Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey is amazing. So do you. Could you beat him in a fight? Fight in real life? No. Jim Carrey, I think, can absolutely destroy me 100%. You ever see Truman Show? Yeah. He can do anything. Yeah. In Truman Show. Does he beat someone up in Truman Show? No. He probably gets. He gets his ass handed to him a lot. He does. But then that's by weather and by people. Yeah. Ed Harris is pretty mean to him, actually. Yeah. And wears very small glasses. Do you remember how small his glasses were, honey? Glasses? Yeah. Two little monocles tied together. Great movie, though. That was one of the first. Him and Robin Williams, for you guys are both comedians. Him and Robin Williams doing drama was such a big deal for me to see because growing up, I'd never seen a comedian do drama before. And then I saw Robin Williams do it and I saw Jim Carrey do it. I was like, oh, we're allowed to do both. Yeah. And it was a huge eye opener. And so Jim Carrey, that and eternal sunshine was huge to see as a kid. I spoke to David Cross recently on his podcast. Yep. And he would not. I kept saying to him, every now, you know, how often a week do you think to yourself, I was in eternal sunshine. And he's like, never. Oh, really? And I was like, come on. On. It has to be all the time. Come on. I would think it all the time. All the time. Now I'm trying to quote one of his lines to him. I am building a birdhouse. Very good. We wouldn't have any of that. No, he didn't. He didn't know biting. No, he didn't want to play with you. I get it. We haven't tried to guess your birthday. Women try to guess my birthday. We haven't. Women do. Women do. Women try? Do you want to try? This is. I think you guys can get it. Yeah, I'll zap it to you. This is the thing you didn't give to me. I will zap it to your head. I was zapping, man. Look at me. You were not. I was that. You were zapping the number. Yeah, Zapping into my head. I'm really doing it. Okay. It's in your head. I can see it. Just say the first thing you're thinking of. September. This is unbelievable. Is it September? Keep going. I'm not going to say yes or no till you're done. Are you with me? It doesn't matter. Keep going. Just whatever you feel. The 15th. Google it. Bonito. Google it. 15th of September. No. You are kidding me. You must have looked it up before. Yeah, I looked up. Yeah, Yeah, I saw it. But when I said you calling Nish, he was. He was looking at us. Yeah, Yeah. I left just enough time. I thought you were just on Twitter for some reason. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. The genie just goes on Twitter for no reason. I. I'd put a little mark, a little sticker on in my head, going, like, be horrible to James afterwards and really take him to task for going on his phone during the podcast, because he's never. He's never done that before. I couldn't believe that. Really? Yeah. That's really rude. I was like, oh, I guess everybody's chill. Everybody's chill. Here. Start like a sort of cool American, like, bro podcast. They're all in there. Yeah. Yeah. It feels like. Yeah. I'm sure their podcast. Everybody's on their phones. Right? But I thought, I'll look up Ben's birthday. You did that so well. You delivered that so well. Then later on, I'll. I'll bring it up. But I thought I'd do it now because I didn't want the whole podcast for you to be sitting there going, gum's on his phone. Sure, I'm happy to. I didn't like it? No. Even though it gave us that moment, I still don't like it. Of course not. Would you take it back in an instant? Yeah, of course. Oh, wow. Live and die by the sword. One of your genie wishes to be go back in time. It is one of my three wishes to make you never look at your phone. Myself. Yeah, a food based poisoning. As you saw. As you see, I have strong feelings about many, many things. So that's. That's a possible starter. Besides that, you know, salads. Let's talk about salads. I've heard you talk about Caesar salads. Yeah, well, as you know, I like garlic, I like anchovies. But listen to this. I have. I'll bet you've never heard this and I've never said this publicly. Okay, we got an exclusive. There we go. Okay. Anchovies. I love them. I love them on pizza. Yeah, I love. When I was a kid, I remember opening that tin and what's this? This is the saltiest fish. I love salty things. So I went, great, great. I ate the whole tin. And it was wrapped up with a little caper in the middle, by the way. I like a caper. But. But in. In my. In moderation, I'm not sure what. How I feel about those big capers. They call those capers too, with a big stem. Caper berries. They say caper berries sometimes. Yeah. I'm not sure how I feel. It's okay, but I'm not sure I would. Hey, speaking of which, do you know that fruit that is so omnipresent and everything, that stick those little twigs with the bunch, it looks like, you know, Christmas holly, those little red berries, those called. And you can take them off like that or take it off like that. And they're kind of tart. What are those called? You know what I'm talking about. I'm not. I know what you're talking about. I'm not sure what they're called, though. Yeah, neither do I. They're okay, but, you know, not my favorite. Speaking of which. Nuts. Nuts. Because yesterday we had a. We were on the plane. We got a ram, by the way. That's the correct term. Absolutely. And you know what I like these days? Well, I like a salty nut. Yes, me too. And I like a warm nut. And I like, I think the best. I pick them out first. Something like a walnut or a pecan. I think that's great. And I like if it's salty or spicy or sugary. Yeah, you know, that's okay for me too. Cashew probably Is my next choice there, Almonds. It has to be really savory or sweet. Yeah. You know what I don't like? I don't like. Here's why. Water is. When water is really good to wet the whistle. I like that. Now what I don't like is a peanut is fine because those are salty. I don't know about shelling things. Yeah. As a matter of fact, I don't know about edamame. Yeah. Unless it's salty on the outside and you get some of that salty as you just pull it up, suck the pods. Yeah. But peanuts. Okay. Pistachios. I like if they're very salty, but I don't know if I. I don't want to do work. They do bags of the unsh. They shell them for you. Right. That's good. But then I can, you know, you put 20 in my mouth at the same time. It's probably good to have to work, but I don't like to work. My kids like a lobster with some tools and they say, watch this. No go to work. Or they take a boat, they eat me. They're meat eaters and for good or ill, you know, I'm sorry if you don't like that, but they get a bone and they go to town on that bone or a chicken and they make like our far, like in. But I think if you're going to be 2001, if you're going to be a meat eater, you've got to have the bones. You've got to have all of that. So I'm not a meat eater these days and I've never liked the bones. I've always liked meatloaf or a meatball or Bolognese sauce or ragu. Something that's already done for me. I don't want to work and I don't want to come upon anything that's like gristle or tendon or anything. I don't like that. So I don't think I'm. I think I'm a natural non meat eater. Now I'm eating, you know, fish and this and that. Anyway, I got started on that. Hey, you know what nut I don't like? Brazil nut. The large Brazil nut. Boy, that's a boring nut. I'm sorry. Yeah. Lovers, you could go to hell. Yeah. Yeah. I like the macadamia. 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Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com retail. All lowercase go to shopify.com retail to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com retail. We love a good character on off menu. And one guest really got us laughing. Here's Sharon1 Johi trying to impress a date. This is up there. Moment of 25 for me, I think. Yeah, See, this is another nostalgic dish. This is. This is nostalgia for certain times of your life. It's a crisp Ribena. Yeah. I'm on a Mundet bike and there's a boy I fancy two streets down and I'm riding and I fall off and I scrape my knee. Ah. Ah. I go up to the boy. Hey, I scraped my knee. This has got to be a clip because people have got to see Sharon's face, which is doing it. I can't be on doing it. Yeah, I. I've never ridden a bike before. Could I. The disgust on your faces is not making me feel confident. I think it's brilliant. But I'm also confused. I'm not confused. I love. I'm like that. Are you. Are you in the moment with me? Thank you. No, I don't have any plaster. That's okay. I might come back tomorrow. That's okay with you? Come back tomorrow with a scrape? Yeah. Because I'm eager. No, but I thought you were coming back tomorrow for a plaster. No, I mean, just to vibe. But in that moment, I'm embarrassed. I've just scraped my knee. So you. So let's recap. You're cycling on the street. You fall off the bike, scrape your knee as a boy your age. So you can't fancy. But he's just, like, standing on the street. So he's just on the pavement. He's just chilling. And you go up to him and say, I just scraped my knee. Yeah. In an American accent with the voice. And he says, I don't have a plaster. You say, that's okay. I might come back tomorrow. Is there anything wrong with that? Yeah. So you didn't come back. I'm embarrassed. Yeah. The boy that I like has just seen me fall down. Yeah. I'm nervous. But I also like that you say, I've just scraped my knee. And his first thing he says is, I don't have any plasters. I don't have any plastic. Because he wants to be helpful, but he acknowledges that in the moment, he can't help. Yeah. And I like that he's emotionally sensitive, I think, in. In this version of the thing. And he's okay with me doing a voice. I like the voice. See, I did it on a date the other day, and she never texted me back. I think I killed it. What? What? In what context? I was like. She was like, let's check in. How are you feeling about this date? And I was like, I like this date. You're very pretty. Oh, should I have said that out loud? Oh, well. And then I thought it out. Sharon, that was not the worst thing I've ever heard anyone doing it. First date. It's the first date. That's crazy. You may as well have licked butter off a calzada at that point. Oh, my God. That would have been better. I mean, don't get me wrong. I don't love. Let's check in. How's this day going? I don't love that either. I kind of like it. It's very Gen Z with two women on a date. How are you feeling? Yeah. So you quite like it? But then. Then what you did. So let's dispense with that. Oh, James and I are millennials. James and I are millennials. We don't like the check in. Okay. The check in is too much. The check ins should be unspoken. So you draw the line. Okay. Yeah. So you like that? Oh, my God. But then why did you then do the infantilizing. You became a little kid. I thought it was if I was on a date and someone said, how's the date going? Well, gee, I'm pretty good, I guess. I'd love that. I hope I don't go toilet in my pants. That is not what I was doing. How dare you? I got butterflies in my stomach. I was being a big girl who watches way too much anime. That's got to call my mommy and give her three rings. Oh, just. You're telling me you wouldn't like that. But you said she was pretty in the voice. I think it's hilarious. Apparently not. It's funny hearing about it now. What was her face doing when you did it? So I wasn't looking at her while I was doing it. I went to laugh being like, oh, no, don't cover your face. You're making this so much worse than it is. She's just absolutely, absolutely puking everywhere. She was like, you even look pretty when you puke now. This is turned into bullying. Yes. So you weren't looking at her? No. You're looking down for the character. Yeah, The character for the people. Just listen to it always involves Sharon grabbing the back of her neck, like, nervously, like, like the kid in Stranger Things does when something's, like, creeping up. Yeah. So just, like, hand on the back of the neck and then looking down and then, like, vibrating and then making a noise which increasingly sounds like an Al Pacino impression. Yeah. Yeah. Take it. Adding that to the list. Day number two. Thank you very much. So she's not got back in contact. When was it? I want to say like three weeks ago now. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, that's dead in the water. Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. I've cried my tears. Well, I guess you don't like me that much. I love the character. Yeah, the character is great. I really like the character. Really good. Very Rugra Rats. I'd watch. Yeah. Really? Rugs, actually. Thanks. That's a millennial thing. Oh, my God. I know. What rock? How old do you think I am? Well, you've proudly proclaimed yourself Gen Z, so. Yes. And I wear that with a badge of skibidy honor. Thank you very much. What's Gen Z? 20s. In your 20s? Yeah, 20s. Yeah. But early, early 20s. I'll take it. Okay. I'm actually 16. This is illegal. What? You guys are doing 16? We've had a 15 year old on this podcast before. No, you haven't. We have. From Stranger Things Strange. Oh, yeah, the kid who does that actually. Yeah, the kid who does that. Very kid who does that. When you have 15 year olds who do that. You. You're in the strange video. 15. In this. In this you are. When you were acting. I'm a grown man. You were on that date. I dare you that much. You weren't there. You don't know the facts. We have I eat or dream dessert. Yes. I kind of like, I feel like this is a recent food trend. I like, like, I like the desserts that look like food, but they're cold. Like, like the ice cream. Chicken ice cream, fried chicken. Or like a sweet past Spaghetti bolognese. I know what you mean. That is very sort of an online Disney adult. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gonna die at 50. It's kind of cool though. I think it's the spaghetti. So cool. Just like the spaghetti, like strands of ice cream, basically. Yeah. It looks like. It looks like you guys are tricking me. I'm like, oh, what's this? This should be savory, not sweet. And then it is sweet and it's delicious. And you're like, yes. You guys got me again. I know. James wants to ask about this character now as well. This is our character. This is who I am. Fair enough. Nice to meet you. It was quite similar to the same. Quite similar to the date character. Yeah, a bit like that. Kind of same person, a bit in a different environment. Yeah. This one is a child where they've been kind of tricked. This one is a brownies. What the heck? What the heck? Do you guys just swear? You're not supposed to do that. I think I'm gonna have to tell my mom. Sorry. But do the American voice. Yeah. It is quite similar to the other characters. Yeah, very similar. Yeah. I think I just really enjoy the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is good. Why am I single? Yeah, I know what you mean. That, that food. I remember when I was a kid when first saw one of those, like, you know, foam burgers, those little sweets. It's like I was so excited to eat it. Oh my God, I couldn't wait to eat those, like with all the different layers with the gummy, like lettuce, tomato. The burger. The burger itself actually probably the least appealing part doesn't lend itself well to the gummy. We could do with that about it. Could. Could be a sandwich. Could be a sandwich. Could be a sandwich. Were you like, is this gonna taste like burger or were you like, oh, no, this is sweets. I think I definitely thought, like, this is gonna taste like fruity sweets. But the burger part of it did make me. I go, I don't know what that's. What is that meant to be? Yeah, like the rest of it, even the bun looked quite sweet and foamy and nice. But the actual burger itself, I was like, I don't like. Hopefully that's like a cola thing or something. I don't either. What's the name of the company that made those? Like, the ones that you see everywhere? Because it's like right at the front of my brain and I just need to scratch that itch otherwise. Amazon. Gummy Zone. No, it's not Gummy's Own. No, it's not Gummy's Own. He's angry about that. So you've wasted his time. Gummy Zone. But he does gonna. He's getting ready to tell you, you should quit comedy. It's normally after. You don't normally do that during the. Say it. The fact is, coming at the end of the meal. Does that ruin the trip trick? No, because I think the way I would. The way I would approach this. Is that dessert number one? Because I'm tricking my brain into thinking, oh, like, I'm still eating savory food, so there's more space for it. Because I feel like your brain does this thing where you're like, oh, I'm quite full actually, from the meal, but I still want dessert. You're like, let me just do the dessert and then I'll. I'll have. I'll be in a food coma after. If you get dessert number one and it looks like savory food, your mind is like, oh, this is more food. Okay. We can create space for this and then we can have dessert after. After. Haha. Silly Brain. I've already had dessert. I'm only. I'm only gonna go and do it again, but this time you'll actually see what the dessert is. So it's more of like a mental, psychological. I feel like the CIA might have kind of. James, did you follow that in any way whatsoever? I just. I just find it very funny. Silly Brain is what made me. Yeah, I was really. I loved Silly Brain. That you've also eaten it. Yeah. And you've tasted it and you're silly, but your silly brain still thinks it's savory. This is. This is a spaghetti, but it tastes sweet. I wonder what that's about. Let me just keep eating. I guess I'll get dessert after. The character sneaking back in there. I think every time something with the finger comes in, if you're honest, the character is 100% at the wheel. Now it's completely behind the wheel. But you're just resisting doing the voice because you want to disguise it as yourself. But you know, really, it's the. I guess this is maybe a. Maybe an ice cream of some description. Can we do the rest of it like. Like this? You could. You. You get it. The best thing. All I can think about is you want that date doing that. You're very. I can. All I can think of is you're very. You're very pretty. Looking at the floor, you're very pretty. But no, you weren't saying you're very pretty. Is that you went, she sure is pretty. Or something. You have to do like you said it about her and then you were doing. So you're doing like a golem kind of thing of like she's always pretty. Did I just say that out loud? Oh, no. And I. It's. I. I love it. So it's so great. I think it's a normal and fun and whimsical thing to do on a date. And if you guys disagree with that, that's absolutely. There's at least three people who disagree with it. Me, James, and her. Yeah, but she doesn't deserve you. That was fresh. If you said that in two months I'd have been like, haha. But actually that could have been my future wife. So that. That does sting. No, it couldn't. No. But only because she wasn't down to clown. Yes, exactly. You need somebody who's down to clown. I need someone to give it back. Yeah, you'll find someone. Someone who does like that kind of stuff and it'll be great. I know that'll be. And that'll be it for. And I'm a big supporter of people just going, I'm just gonna out the gate. Be exactly who I am. You have to. Why go on a date? Don't waste any time. Did you want me to be like, yes, this meal is actually quite exquisite. I. I really enjoy the wild bear. Absolutely think as well. Same problem. Another character. Because I'm being a fancy lady. So she's like, oh, this. This is. You've not shown up as a fancy lady, though. You're just suddenly halfway through the meal turning into something else. I'd have to start off like that. Yes. But if that's not what she wants. She wants me. And then she also wants the part of me that does find her pretty. You want the whole smorgasbord. It's boring of. Yeah. I think, you know, I think. I don't think it's the fact. I don't think she's right. I. I'm sorry that I've brought us back here. Yeah. Because I can't stop thinking about it. But like, I. I don't think it's the fact that you said she was pretty. I think if you went. It's going really well actually. And I think you're really beautiful. Nah, I don't think she would go. Not replying to this. I think it's the fact that you went and you said you end up in the character sure is pretty. I think it was the cat. Silly. Yeah, I like, I get it. Thank you. Yeah. I. I think like, you know. Yeah. You will find someone who loves that character. Yeah. And then it would be great. Thank you. That's very nice. And we'll just have like a bit little, I think next time turn up as the character from the get go scrape your knee outside. Oh my God. So you do marketing, huh? I want that character to get a sitcom immediately. If there are any commissioners listening to this. Yeah. Just please give Sharon a sitcom where that is the character. But the character has to live in just modern Britain though the character comes live in like 50s America. Clearly where they're from. My oyster card isn't working. They're just doing really mundane every day. Can I have a stamp, please? I wonder if he knows what I'm sending. No, we have to get away from this now. Okay. We are at the end of the episode pretty much. We've not got away from it successfully. So what is the food? You want a spaghetti bolognese ice cream. Ice cream. I want the fried chicken ice cream. I want it to come in a bucket. I want to house it and then I want to have finish it off with just a classic brownie. Oh, hold on. So there's a brownie in there as well as in like that's dessert number two. Yeah. Cuz you trick your brains. Tricky silly brain. Yeah. What flavor is the ice cream? The actual fried chicken ice cream. Classic vanilla. Let's not get too crazy with it, you know? Does it have a little like fake drumstick that you can pick them up? You can literally Pick them up and then bite into ice cream, which is a little bit inbred, but it's fun. Am I allowed to say that? I don't know. I don't know. I've never heard anyone use it in that way before. I use it very lightly. It's actually honestly becoming a problem. You know who else is in bread? Mario's dad. He's in bread. Oh, he's in bread. Yeah. I thought you were going to say shaman because she was kissing her cousin earlier. I want to set the record very straight. I have never and will never kiss my cousin. No, I think what you were saying is when you get so drunk but you could kiss. Rules fly out the window. Yes. We see eye to eye. You didn't say. Yeah, you're just kissing your cousin James. It sounds like. Yeah, yeah. You're just making on the reg. Yeah. Well, she's very pretty. Are we right? I think this is frowned upon. Your mom's my dad's brother. Right? No. This is bad. This is bad. Naughty. No more of this. It's the annual list of anecdotes where Bonito's failed to make. These clips fall neatly into other categories. Here's Ellie Taylor, David Tennant, Neil Hannon, Reese, James Mira Soda. And Will Sharp. Want some. Like lovely. Like garlic. Some yummy aioli with it. Something. But I want a good sauce, too. Croquetus ratio. Yeah. I don't like it when they're stingy. And also I want them to take a note of how many people are at the table and give me a number that I can divide. Do you know what I mean? Do not give me three when there's two of us. Yes. That drives me mad. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Let's make that a law. It should be a law. Thanks. If you're listening. Yeah. I think it's out of order when there's four of you. When they bring three along. Ridiculous. Ridiculous. It's like something. I'm sorry, you probably don't want to hear this. You want some time away from it. But it's like something the producers of the Traitors would put into the game to divide people and turn them against each other. The Croquette. Let's send them free when there's four of them. Yeah. Yeah. And see their true colors come out. And they'll start turning on each other. There we go. That's the next series of the tropes. The Tapas. The next big question. The Tapas. Welcome to the Tapas. Yeah. I just think there's nothing More pathetic when there's like three of you and you have to. Oh, should we chop this one into three? Yeah. Yeah. No one wants that. Everyone wants it. Yeah, but you do need to. There needs to be a ruling though. Oh, you have. What's happening to that last crooked. Because if you just went for it. Yeah, that. I'd think about that forever. If someone just did that. You can't chop it into three. The ruling needs to be you two share that one. And then the next thing that comes, if there's a division issue, then I get priority. That's nice. And we're all having a nice time. I like to just say that that person just gets it. Just. Just give it to someone else. Anyone but me. Oh, really? Because. Too awkward for you to have it. I just. I just can't be bothered with the whole conversation. Just give it to that person. Right. Or can we shout out being adults. Adults just order another portion. That's blowing my mind. Right? What? Big man. We're grown ups. Big man. We can do that if we want. We could actually do that, couldn't we? Yeah, but sometimes you don't want a whole portion. You just want one extra one for the. I beg your pardon. Okay. You've never seen a kid. You've never seen a kid go, should we get another portion? Yeah, because we're grown ups. Kids can't go. Anyone else who's getting another portion? Let's just get another portion. Should we get a few bits and I should get another portion. Kiss. Move to the table. Imagine that. Imagine having a kid that was like you got. Got kids. Imagine one of the kids that you go out as a family. One of the kids turns you and goes, should we get an. You know what? I would love that. I would love it. Or put them up for adoption. I don't know which one it would be. No, you would love that. Ed. What if. If, if suddenly we don't have kids? My kid went. Should we get something for the tape? You would be delighted. Scary. Let's put this one up for adoption. When they say. Funny. When they say things that you don't expect. My. I found a video of my daughter on my phone. She's six and she was just sort of doing a report to their camera. This is me at home with mummy and dad. And she. And she sort of went, and it's going to be Saturday and I love all my friends and. And then she paused and went, stay connected, peeps. And then did a little saloon. That's good. This is it. Now it makes you laugh. But they all watch YouTube too much. She doesn't watch YouTube, so I don't know where she's got that from. I talked to some friends, and their kid, like, every time they get hold of their mum's phone, just walks around making, like, YouTube videos, even though they're not going to be uploaded anywhere, right? And they did one, like, sneaking into their desk. Dad's. The room where he, like, builds Lego and stuff, this guy. And the kid was acting like it was like this. Okay, people, here we are. And at one point he went, oh, my God. I just. My ass. Our friend's kid, she. She did a. She did a poo on her potty and then turned to her dad and went, present in there for you. That's amazing. That's not true. How old is that? How old? The kid like to. Oh, my God, he must have laughed at that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Present in there for you. Amazing. My favorite thing my daughter said when she was about three, there was a firework that went off, and she looked at me and went, excuse you, Mummy. Oh, good stuff. Funny. Good. Yeah. All right. Well, maybe if I had a kid who went, another portion for the table. Yeah. I'd be on also. I don't think if we're being realistic, I don't think Ed could have any other type of kid who did. Yeah, that's true. Kid would definitely turn out like that. Your kid's a picky eater. If you had them and they were really picky. Hello, adoption. Okay, well, you were picky as a kid. No, you would. You only have stuff on the adults menu. You don't want stuff on the kids menu. That's not picky. That's the opposite of picky. Were you like, mummy, can I have some mussels? Yes. Yeah. Oh, my God. Really? Yeah, yeah, yes. He would order the picker's basket. He was very, very strict about what he had. The picker's basket from the Brown Brasserie. It's a picker's basket. It was like a sharing platter of starters. And that's what I'd have for my main. It's my favorite thing. How old are you? Like a tiny kid picker's basket. Yeah, yeah. Mozzarella sticks, jalapeno poppers. Oh, my God. All in a lovely picker's basket. Yeah. My kids are quite boring with food, but then some of their friends will be like, you know, in their packed lunches, will have olives. And I'm like, what olives? I don't even like olives. Yeah. I think olives are disgusting. Really disgusting. If they come with my Kia Royale, I'll throw them at the barman. They will not think I'm the most polite. Yeah. I thought you were supposed to be the most polite. Well, when it comes to olives, all your good work out the window. Yeah. Gone. Yeah. I think they're absolutely. She was so lovely. And then she loved a whole bowl of olives at my head. Yeah. After a double vodka and coke and a Kia Royale, she really turns. You've been Hamlet, right? You've done Hamlet? I've done Hamlet. There's no genie's lamps in Hamlet. But you got skulls. Yeah. Yeah. How heavy. How heavy were that? We had a real skull. What? Wow. Yeah. We had the skull of a real human. A guy called Andrei Tchaikovsky, who was a classical musician, who had left his skull to the Royal Shakespeare Company. I remember this. In production of Hamlet, so I did not have to fake any weight there. I was holding Andre. He was your. Yeah. Wow. The first time you had to do that. Yeah. You had to pick it up in rehearsal. Yeah. Did you just go straight in yet? Fine. Or were you, like. I don't know if I would have. Oh, I was really, really thrilled about it. Not in a macabre way, because. Because that's what it's. That moment in the play is about connecting with mortality. Yeah. So if you're actually lifting, there's no acting involved. You're looking into the eyes of a human who once walked the earth. There's something very powerful about that. Could you see yourself leaving any of your bones to theater very happily here again in a production of Hamlet, playing a different part. Yeah. Yeah. I think that would be something glorious about that. Yeah. I'd be awful. If you left your skull to the Royal Shakespeare Company and it was the understudy skull. Oh, yeah. Imagine that. Yeah. That would be embarrassing, wouldn't it? To be honest, I don't think you can do it anymore. Andre had done it. I'd left it, and it had gone through all the various. There's a lot of hoops to jump through for various governmental organizations who perhaps frown on the idea of body parts being left to. To anything, really, other than cremation. So I think the laws have now changed that. Andre is probably the last person who's going to be able to have done that. But his skull is still there. He can be used in future productions of Hamlet. Well done, Andre. Yeah. Or does it have to be Hamlet? If I wrote a new Play. And I just wanted there to be a skull in it. Could I get Andre's skull? That is an excellent question to which I do not know the answer. I don't know how specific his will was, and I don't know whether the specifics of that have any kind of legal ramifications. So I can't give you the answer, but I'd like to be able to. What's the Janet and Alan Allberg book about? The skeletons. Yeah, yeah. The lazy bones. Is it? Yeah. What they call lazy bones. Maybe they're the ones. They live in a dark, dark house. Yeah. On the dark, dark street. Okay. Those guys. And they're a family of skeletons. Maybe Andre could be in a live production of that. I see no reason why. Although I'm not in charge. Yeah. So there's a lot of skeletons. David, We've written. We've written a production of Lazy Bones. I think the problem there is that there's a lot of skeletons in that. That's true. So if I knew one of them has a real skull. Even more difficult. The Royal Shakespeare Company does own other skulls. Oh, great. From historical productions. Brilliant. David Garrick's skull, I think, is not David Garrick himself. The skull David Garrick used is also in their collection because I used it at the dress rehearsal because Andre hadn't quite had all his boxes ticked by the various authorities. So in the dress rehearsal, I used the old skull that was in the. That came from the store and I dropped. Dropped it and a bit fell off. Oh, wow. There was a one time when my daughter was quite young and I'd done something silly with the peas and I said, oh, my bag. Yeah. Because I thought that's what it was. You thought. You thought they said my bag. I thought they said my bag. I thought that was the phrase my bag. That doesn't even make sense. You said something with the pee. Yeah. What have you done wrong with the pen of peas? Yeah. A bag of peas. I can't remember to apologize. You said my back. I don't know whether I thought it referred to, like. I can't imagine what I thought. Oh, yes. People would say, that's not my bag. Yeah, that's not my bag. Yeah. So you kind of confuse the two phrases a little bit. Are you going, hey, my bad. So desperately unhip. Imagine if you did something wrong at, like, baggage claim or something. Something that is not. That's not your bag. So that is not your bag. Making mistakes, this is the whole root of the problem is that you keep on Picking up the wrong bag. Now you've got all these things on your condiments. Oh, yeah. We've got to talk about the best bit. Sorry? Condiments are the best bit. And we're going to do the condiments right now. Cranberry sauce. Horseradish. Yeah. Mint sauce. Yeah. Bread sauce. English mustard. Dijon mustard. Yeah. Have I forgotten anything? Anything else that's around? Ballymaloo, relish, whatever. What's that? Relish. Oh, Ballymaloo. Do you not have it? No, no, no, no. Oh, it's lovely. Yeah. It's from this range of products called Ballymaloo, but it's like Branston a bit, but it's sweeter and it's kind of sort of ready brown. It's really lovely. Lots of sort of sultanas crop up in it and stuff like that. This. Yeah, it's very good in sandwiches. Nice. Yeah. I have a bread sauce story. Is it about the time your mum threw you some bread and you play with it too much? No, no, but it did occur in my. My parents house, like maybe 10 years ago. I was, you know, my brother's families were there as well. Everybody was there. It was Christmas. I thought, I am going to make the bread sauce. I'm going to cut to the chase. It said, you know, I'd flavored it with like cinnamon things and like apple, whatever. I. And then it said sieve. I put the sieve there and I. Oh, no. Put the pot. Just threw it all down the sink. Yeah, yeah. You s. The sauce. I saved the sauce the wrong way around. They said, must bag. My bag. Yeah. I hope it catches on. Yeah, my bad. I think it will, yeah. And. And sink bread sauce as well. Have that. Yeah. People only have it out the sink. Have you successfully made bread sauce since? I never tried to cook again. There was a year when I was 15 when my parents separated for one year. And just for one year. For one year they had a room. They had a room. Sp. Springer. What's that? That sandwich? No, it's the Amish tradition of you get to leave the community for a year and go and do whatever you want as long as the promise is you come back and become Amish again. Yeah, I did know that about the Amish. I didn't know it was called that and I didn't know I knew this much about the Amish. I love the Amish. Yeah. I keep getting tiktoks at the moment of people going to Amish communities and saying, you have to prepare the zombies are Already in the city. And the Amish people being like, what? They're going like, honestly. And then there's other ones of them showing brain rot to Amish people. Yeah. Like weird memes that just don't make any sense. Yeah. Of like, AI stuff. How do the Amish people know about zombies? Yeah. Well, maybe there's some explaining they do before it. So there's this thing called zombies. That's the. That's dead. Yeah. But you wouldn't be scared of it. I saw one get. He had an AI video of cats in the Olympics and he showed it to an Amish person, and it was all cats going off diving boards and doing flips. And what's interesting about that one is the Amish person is not buying it one bit. They're looking at. They're like, yeah, so what's this? This is obviously the guy's like, look, you wouldn't expect a cat to do that. Like, three flips. Yeah. Just like. Yeah. It's just in an Apple Shop, basically. Sorry. As in literal apples. It's not a genius bar. They're actually selling Apple. So I know that the Apple Store. It's not the Apple Store. Must have been on your people. Do not. Yeah, yeah. That's where they go immediately. As soon as the first day of their year off, straight in the App Store, their head starts vibrating. Oh, I got. They can't take it. If you took your laptop to the G bar and someone was dressed like an Amish person there, you'd be like, oh, well, I'm getting that laptop back. They're not gonna know what to do. I. Sometimes when I see AI videos, I feel like an Amish guy. Because you think that's real for it? Yeah. Yeah. And I have to check with Charlie what's. What's AI and what's not. I'll be like, come over here. How can a horse be this small? Come over here. How can a horse be this small? Right, well, then. Then I'm. I'm gonna be dead in year. Yeah. I think it does feel like. Well, it's game over for my brain, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. It's. Why when your parents sends you one, you're just like, oh, God, it's weird. Different planets now. Yeah. Well, my mum got into, like, using chat GPT to make, like, pictures of our cat, my cats, and send them to me. So she would just. But she would just speak into it so it wouldn't look anything like them, but she would just say, like a sphinx cat. Cat. Next to a. A Maine coon cat and it's their birthday. And then she would send me those two cats wearing party hats. I don't know the. My cats. I'll be like, what was it with this? She's just like. And she told me about. She was like, it's this website and you just tell it stuff. Yeah. I mean, it is exciting. I got sent. My girlfriend's mom sent me a song about my cat that she'd made on AI where she just typed. She found an app where you just make. Sings you a song I've never used. Really good. I can't believe there's parents using AI I've never used. Yeah. I was like. And I immediately was like, I was making a Radio 4 show at the time. I needed some songs in it. I media was like, what is this website? This is incredible. He didn't even write the lyrics. He just said, there's a boy called Reese and he's got a cat called Tabitha. She's a ginger cat, she's crazy. Write a song about that. And it was like a country and western song that was like exactly the tune you'd expected. Yeah, yeah. It was like a theme tune for the cat basically that it came back with. And I, I also. It's like completely out of the blue, you get that text from your girlfriend's mum. So what? Yeah, I'm just like, I've things. What do I do? Thumbs up it and never reply. I thought your cat. I mean, maybe this was a different cat, but was. I thought Bob Mortimer named your cat Bob. What's my name? My cat Tabitha Light source. Oh, okay. There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you expected sort of like Mike Twat or something like that. No, no, I knew it was something like that. It's disrespectful then to not say Tabitha Light Source every time you talk about your cat. Yeah. Yes. Okay, fine. Especially if you've got Bob Mortimer to name your cat. Yeah, yeah. It's quite a waste. Yeah. Tab. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fair enough. Okay. Tabitha Light Source. And I'll. I'll release the theme tune. Yeah. It's a not dissimilar situation where I was in. I'm very interested to hear how not dissimilar this is. Well, is it like. It was a. It was someone who was looking after poisonous venomous snakes and this was in Thailand and. And was telling us about how venomous they were and showed us by getting this snake, he had. He sort of wrapped a glass, he put some cling film Over a glass. And then I didn't know what he'd done to sort of anger the snake, but the snake then bit the glass because it was angry. And he saw this venom shoot out of its mouth. And then at some point during the show, he was bitten and had to be taken off. And there was an ambulance just outside, and so the show just suddenly ended. So was the ambulance outside before the show started? This happens every. Every week. Yeah. Surely they're just there. I mean, it was quite. I wouldn't recommend anybody go to a place like this, because if you kind of. I remember looking at his arms thinking, it looks like he's been bitten before. Either that or he was in a heroin addict. But, you know, either way, it's not going to be a good show. He could have a crippling addiction, and he's trying to wean himself off of it by finding a different passion. And he's looking after snakes, and out they're fighting him all the time. It's true. He could have been manning the tandoor because, you know, going back to tandoors, I, I, I did have to work a tandoor at some point in my, in my career, and, and they, they burn on up the arms. Oh, I bet. Singe the eyebrows off, all the hair disappears. And apart from the mustache. Dangerous job. Apart from the mustache. That's the guy who works in the thing. Not you. The uncle. Thank you. The uncle. The uncle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. As soon as I said it, I was like, oh, that's better. Clear that. That up. I knew what you meant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Said all the hair disappears. Like, we know one guy who's doing all right on the hair front who works a Tandor. He's got longer arms than I have. Oh, has he? That's another thing. I feel like I've got quite short arms. I feel like I'm. You know what? I didn't think it before, but yeah. Now you stuck your arm out. You do think T. Rex arms. That's crazy. Yeah. Feels proportional to me. No, that's short. That's short. Yeah. So it was. Yeah, it was a dangerous job for me to do. You got to really get in there, right? It. Yeah, it's one swift move. Yeah. You got to plaster it with this kind of gigantic powder puff to the side of the tandoor quite swiftly and quickly and get out of there. Yeah. Because it's like 400 degrees in there. Wow. Yeah. What? I love that. I love seeing videos of that, of people just, like sticking, sticking the n to the side of the tandoor. Oh, yeah. Confidently. Yeah, yeah. Really jealous. You saw that guy get bit by a snake. Were you really? Afterwards, if you're honest, were you like. That was brilliant when he got bit. No, I do have to. I have to say I didn't think that. Good story now though, isn't it? Yeah, it is a good story now, but I would have been really laughing about that. I do have another snake story coming up, though. I didn't even. Well, I mean, in the main course, there's. My main course actually features a snake. I mean, not eating a snake. I can see why you didn't want to save the bread now because you already had a snake story lined up. Wouldn't it be amazing if the pani puri man, when he's putting the liquid in, he also has a snake in his backpack and the snake bites the hole in the top. That would be genius. That'll be a show, wouldn't it? It would be good, actually. Yeah. Yeah. But this bounces out. That's a little hole in it. Yeah. Because that's the hardest for me when I ever had panipuri, actually putting the hole in it. Yeah. You know, the last. Last I can tell you when I had it was my birthday Pow. Too hard because I was so amped up because it's my birthday. I went drunk starter. Pow. Immediately ruined it. Just too big of a hole. Yeah. I felt real sad. Oh, I'm sorry about that. But I. I think snakes could be good. But the venom thing might be an issue. But you could have like a hygienic squirrel standing on a. Like a little. Yeah, a hygienic squirrel. Yeah. Good luck finding one of those. I tell you who, we could get one of those long schn to wankers to come in, whack their schn on it, tell them there's an ant inside. Yeah. Every time. Not an ant in this one. Yeah. An ant in that one. There better be. So you two have a history. Yes. Yeah. You went to university together, is that right? No way I could get in there. I couldn't get in there. You went to two different universities and Ed knew you because. You were right. Rivals. We. We were. Yeah, we were. Well, I guess comedy rivals, but sometimes we do stuff together. Almost friends. What uni's we talking here, Devon? From a man. Doxbridge. We both went to Doxbridge. Docs Bridge. Yeah. Yeah. That's disgusting. Yeah. No, Will went. Will went to Cambridge and I went to Durham. But some people at Durham referred to Durham. Cambridge And Oxford as Docksbridge, which was pathetic. Who did that thing? Some real losers, I think. Mainly Ed. Oh, yeah, me. I mean, me. Yeah. Also dumb. I'm not getting many letters in there. No, I know. You have come true. It's proportional. It's proportional, yeah. Oh, you went to Oxford. Yeah. That's cool. We'd meet and then. And then after uni, we did, like, bits together, didn't we? Yes. Comedy bits. We had a hit sketch group. We had a hit sketch group. Let's talk about this hit sketch group. Oh, man. What's it called it? Them. For Them. Four Horsemen, it was called. I think we maybe did four shows. Four shows. And we kept trying to. We kept planning to do one on Christmas Eve. Yeah. Christmas Day, actually. If you. It's probably. If you're still on Facebook, you can probably. You can probably find the invite to the event somewhere on Christmas Day. So you're gonna do a Christmas Day gig. And who. Who is the four of you? I'm guessing Nich is involved in this somehow. We did this. Another thing with Nish, which is sort of like. I was thinking about this. Cause I knew it was coming in. Yeah, it was. It was called something like the Club for Men who Are Not Usual. And it was one of those, like, sitcom ideas that immediately. Immediately doesn't work. Yeah. And we had, like, I think, like an old camcorder and filming stuff around this flat. And all I remember is there was some shoes in the fridge. Yeah, yeah. And Nish called his suit his 9 to 5 shield. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And immediately we're like, the point of these people is they do things that are not usual but they're really boring. Yeah, yeah. Where does it end? Unsustainable. I remember that there was a shot, like, one shot, where one of us, like, made a cup of tea from the beginning, like, talking for ages about not being usual. And then like, walked. Walked to the toilet, pointed down the toilet and flushed it without much. That's funny. That's a funny bit. But that's. It was really fun. Funny for us. Yeah, sure. Yeah. We had a laugh, didn't we? It's a load of funny, nonsensical things. Yeah. But after a while, I imagine, as a. For a viewer, it's maddening. Well, there weren't any viewers apart from us. It didn't matter. Yeah, Yeah. I don't even cut it together, to be fair. Yeah. That's a shame. Well, we do. I do have some old them for Horsemen sketches on a. On a hard drive somewhere. Oh, My God. Exciting. So who are the other two horsemen? Tom Williams, who's no longer in comedy. English teacher. English teacher. And Al. Al Roberts. Al Roberts. Stlets Flats. Yeah, I do know that is. Yeah. You know, it's funny to. After. After the Williams guy, to make out like I didn't know. And you've done some other stuff since. Without. Without me. I've done. Yeah, you've been up to some stuff. Did. Do you feel guilty when you do stuff without Ed? I feel guilty when I listen to this podcast. I. I felt because so many times I should message Edge just to say I'm really enjoying it and I haven't really. I didn't really do that. Well, I've not messaged you saying, I'm enjoying all your stuff. Yeah, I suppose. Maybe that's how it works. What happened with the four horse people? That means that you don't test each other anymore. I guess like we just sort of got. Got busy in other ways. Yeah. Sidetracked. You know, you get sidetracked and then the sidetrack becomes your main track. Yeah, yeah. Relate to that. There are other things like swimming around in my head, but I'm like, we don't need to get booked. Maybe come back to me. Come back to it. Yeah. Yeah. Do you ever find yourself on set filming something and thinking back to the days of palling around with this young whippersnapper? Do you know what? I do feel like there is a thing where no matter what the scale is of a project, this is a bit of an earnest answer, but like I feel like it does sort of feel like just how hanging in a good. In a good way at its best, you're just kind of figuring stuff out with your mates and trying to make it funny or make it work or whatever. So I do sometimes think of that and like Tom Kingsley's another person I've worked with a lot in the past. I do think of those days sometimes. Yeah. Would you ever put like pitch an idea on set, like if you were on an exciting project, but, you know, maybe the right joke here is flushing a cup of tea down the toilet. Maybe I'll try and work that in. It's a good joke. Maybe I'll try and work it in. Yeah. Would you have to check with these guys? The other thing, it would be like a little wink, you know, in the ether and see. See if, you know, see if they spot. Well, I officially give you permission to use anything from the club for men who are not usual if it's them for me Stuff. You're going to have to. You're going to have to call me because at some point I do want to do the. The song of the cowboys teaching kids how to count. Oh, yeah, yeah, that sounds good. Yeah. I can't. I've got. I've got a video of it somewhere and I refuse to watch it because I look haunted. In what way? Well, it was back in my bigger days and I'd say I look like I'm wearing a fat suit in a 90s film and I'm very tired. I hope we're all pretty tired. Yeah, we also. There was one sketch that we filmed which the only. We were just all eating Muller rice. Do you remember that? We just got bought, like, 20 mil of rice. Yeah. And there was. The main theme of this sketch show seemed to be that there wasn't really a joke in any of us getting. So it was just because we were just eating. Yeah, that's good. I mean, it's all right. What we'd do is we'd have a show and we'd go to your flat during the day. We just mess around for ages. And one of us would go, that's a sketch that would do. Yeah. Me with a fake beard on and then a tight over my head. Oh, old man, old man, old man. The rock. Yeah. Man Rocking in a rock and roll band. Yeah. I'm an old man. Yeah. Smashing away on the guitar. I was clearly. I think I'd had too much coffee and I was just like, just running around with a guitar and they were all like, that's great. That's a guy. Yeah. It does sound great, though. I've got a bus pass but I'd take it to Wembley. You've got a pair of tights on here. That's it. Yeah, yeah. Why would the tights look soon you bold. So you're a bold old man. Yeah, kind of. It just looked so weird. It just made him look mental. Just squished your face up. Yeah. And then he put a beard on top. Yeah, it looks horrible. Very funny for us. Very funny for us. I like old mad rock. Maybe at the end of this we'll see if we can find paradise. Yeah, Yeah. I could do it for the photo. We got photo afterwards. You and Will have got to bring the sketch group backhead. I'm an old man rocking in a band I'm an old man rocking in a heavy metal band. With one guest, there was an anecdote we definitely wanted to hear. Let's hear from Johnny Pelham and the Blazing Bangladeshis. Did you ever go to the restaurant with your gang? With my gang that you were in? I was in a gang at school called the Blazing Bangladeshis. It was just me and five Bangladeshi lines and it was very fun. I was just. As soon as I knew you were coming in, I was like, I can't wait to ask him about his gang. Yeah, we love, we love the gang so much. Again, I imagine you just like, wake up, guys. Blazing Bis. Like the lawyer. Was it ever acknowledged that you were white in the Blazing Bangladeshis? Well, look, let me acknowledge. Was it ever ac. I'd imagine day one, it might have, might have been, yeah. Well, I think I was anonymous and that was part of the, part of the joy for me. Yeah. I got included in this group because I went to pretty much an all Asian school. Like I was the only white boy in my class. So that's why I had to psychoanalyze people stat. Get some, get some rep, like, you don't want to mess with him. I'll make you question your very existence. And the thing was, a lot of white kids got bullied and I think subconsciously I looked at them, thought, I don't want that. So instead I just became, became the most Asian boy I could be. Straight into a gag with them. Yeah, I knew how to swear people's mums in Bangladeshi. Yeah, I knew all sorts of. I was really. It was, it was a great time. And what's crazy is it was only when I went to university I was like, yeah, yeah, I was in. Obviously I was in a gang of Bangladeshi lads that people. I realized how weird it was. Yeah, sure, yeah. I mean, you know what it's like on Friday. Everyone goes to mosque. You have to play alone. How did you get in the gang? Did they invite you or did you like. Well, initially it was a five. It was a five side football tournament. Yeah. I was a goalkeeper again. That's a position you get if you don't want to be bullied. I was quite a good goalkeeper, which is the ultimate, like, look, guys, I can fulfill a role everyone wants to do. Yeah. So I was quite a good goalkeeper. They were like, we need a goalie. And then we, we did quite well. We got to the final and that is a bonding experience. I mean, I play a lot of football manager. How important team are our lives? Yeah. I was like, look, if we're going to win this competition next year, we need a gang. Yeah, yeah. And they all agreed before, you know, I mean, there was a time. Where were you There for the naming of the gang. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was. I was a founding member. Yeah. Were there any other names? Said, let's call ourselves the Blazer Bangladeshis. Did no one look at you or you put your hand up and go, will that work? Will that cover everyone? I can't remember. I. I think there was a decent chance that I was the one who said, why don't we call ourselves. So we're all the same. Right? Yeah. A little pause. Okay, Johnny, we can call ourselves that, but people won't. When you're not with us, people won't assume you're in the game. It's the only problem for you. I would say the blazing Bangladeshis and Johnny, you know what I mean? Like, I think. I think I was. I was in the core group. There were people who were like, more Satellite Gang members. They must have been livid. Yeah. Especially if they were Bangladeshi. Right. Yeah, they have been. Like, who the. Yeah. How is he so prominent in this? Yeah. And then look at me. I'd swear the mum in Bangladeshi and then go, he deserves to be. Yeah, yeah. He's putting more work than my mom. Yeah. It's like one of the mafia who's not Italian. Yeah. He's done some stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like an Irish guy in the Mafia. Yeah, Joe Irish is in the Mafia. They sound a bit like saltfish fritters. Like Caribbean cuisine. Oh, yes. Like dumplings. Deep fried salt fish. Like with. Yeah. Fish running through them. But they're not. They're not like Johnny cakes. No, they're not like Johnny cakes. Just to be clear. Yeah. What Johnny cakes? What Johnny cakes again? I thought, like, nothing to do with me. No, nothing to do with you. Yeah. You might pick cakes for your dessert. They're like sort of flat back bread batter type things, like dumplings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna eat a Johnny cake. Are you? I think just not during this meal, though. Not during this meal. No, not the. The thing. All right, great. Yeah, we'll stay away from those. Normally look for the listener. We never tell the guests what the secret ingredient is. But I felt, oh, we've led Johnny to this. Yeah. There's no way I'm gonna say, I'll have a Johnny cake. Well, I didn't know they existed to the extent you were on the verge. I thought we'd introduce you to what they are. You said, oh, I'm gonna eat one. And I was like, the. If the next sentence was. Yeah, it. Why don't I put one on the menu and Then we go. Get out. That is unacceptable. Stand up in a. Also, when Johnny found that out, he moved backwards. But he's had to move to move the microphone closer. Closer to him because he rolled his chair backwards. I think I realized why. Treacherous group. It does sound a bit like a Johnny Cake. Doesn't. What's one of them? Oh, wow. You'd like those. Why don't you try one? Delicious. I like that you fought. How can we get Johnny to say something? He'll probably say his name. Say his own name. And if he follows that. With cake. Yeah, I would like a Johnny Cake, please. I, I, I. And some. And some Johnny Pakoras. Every single food you say you name after yourself. Johnny Carbonara. Johnny Carbonara sounds like quite the character. Well, he's in the mafia with Irish Joe, isn't he? Joe? He's trying to get in the Blaze, mang. He's not. We're not letting him in. Go away. Johnny Car. Yeah. I love living in bread. Put me on the wing. I'm good at throwing. I can play soccer. I'm Johnny Carbonara. It's a good character, isn't it? Yeah. I love that. I think you. There's a. You can make that into a sketch. Johnny Carbonara. Yeah, yeah. Make it into one of my sketches. I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Many sketches. Like, do you want to interview Johnny Carbonara for the Blazing Bangladeshis? Trying to get in the. Try to get in the gag. What. What bit of Bangladesh do you feel most proud of? Oh, my God. I just love Bangladesh, you know, I love the cuisine, I love the people. I just feel Bangladeshi at heart. I'm joking. You're welcome. Addition to the guy. Fantastic. To be honest, it was quite easy to get in the gang we were actively recruiting. People were leaving. Yeah. This isn't the social help me socially, as I imagine it was still getting bullied. It doesn't help to that it just allows the bully to know the group to bully now. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Great. There he is. Was there ever a situation where so many Bangladeshis had left you had to recruit more white people and then it was a fully white gang called the Blazing Bangladeshis. That would have been amazing. Like a kind of Atomic Kitten situation. Sugar Babes. Sugar Babes. Sorry, said Sugar Bab. Almost anger Sugar Bab about it. Next. Imagine if once like Sugar Babes replaced themselves with members of Atomic Kit and it turned into a. But they still called the Sugar Babes. Yeah, yeah. That would have been the most confusing. Imagine if Sugar Babes changed the name to Blazing Bangladeshis. That would be confusing. That would be very good. Copyright. There's a chance I could make some money from that. Yeah, that would be quite the news story. But we won't. Sorry. This guy is saying that he owns the name Blazing Bangladesh. Now he's taking the sugar babes. That could be a bad look for you. I think you'd be a villain on the Internet if you tried to sue someone for using the name Blazing Money. You just have to take the money and run. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is why people make money. This is why people make money. This is why people sue Atomic Kid. Why does every recipe I try need 18 ingredients, including a jar of something paste I'll never use again but will sit in my fridge for nine months? I just want dinner in the oven fast. That's why I love Blue Apron's new One Pan Assemble and Bake meals. They send you fresh ingredients that are already chopped. All you do is put it all together and bake. That's it. No chopping, no weird leftovers. Just delicious, easy to make meals. 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Was it hard on the holiday to, like, enjoy all the little fish with the nagging doubt that your wife had slept with your friend? What? Because you were suspicious and you were certain that your wife had slept with your friend in the hotel so you couldn't really enjoy the fish? Yeah, I was eating them in a really contemplative, angry way. It's just like, what if the fish is raw? Know? I don't. I don't know, betrayal. I think you should have warned all your friends you were going to tug yourself off in that show, man. I'm so excited, by the way. I'm so excited for you that you're in it. And then I pop it on, enjoying myself. And then I'm like, oh, I did not need to see that. No. Apologies for the group email. Just as a heads up, I'm going to tug myself off in this show. If you're watching, I'm really going to go, weird. I know I haven't spoken to many of you for some years, but just as a heads up, I'm going to tug myself off in this show just in case you're going to watch it because lying on yourself. Oh, yeah. Lying on your side, tugging yourself up. Yeah, but, yeah, you could have put that in the menu. Aren't usual. Yeah. Who. Who. Who lies on their side? Like a painting. Yeah, like a painting. Luckily, and this is the first time Will and I have met, so when I saw that, I just like, this is brilliant. Yeah, yeah. You look. I didn't know you. I didn't know you. So I was like, yeah, I was like, go for it. Don't. On, lad. Go on, lad. Go on, lad. Yeah. Have you out loud when I was watching that scene. Go on, lad. I keep getting served a video on YouTube shorts of. It's like a ring camera doorbell thing. Oh, yeah. Of an old Jehovah's Witness ringing the doorbell. And from, like, Yorkshire, he said, oh, it's Jehovah's Witness. And the guy on the other end of the doorbell goes, just having a wank at the moment, mate. And the guy pauses and then goes, all right, Good lad. So many times I've watched that. Amazing. Yeah. You're from Yorkshire. No, I'm not. There you are. I saw a film. You were from Yorkshire. Oh, yeah. From Yorkshire. In real pain. Oh, yeah. Sheffield. You can't deny it. This is the sort of interview style that we need to talk about. What, where you. He was talking to me about this before you got here, where we have actors on. And then you go. You're in that. And they go, yeah. And then you don't follow it up with anything. Why should I have to? It's good segues there. He's spotting. He knows more about. He knows more about. The links are perfect. But he's never a question. I've teed him up. Okay, here's the thing about that film. I think the funniest line in that film genuinely is when you say, thank You, David. Oh, thank you. I feel it's so funny. Thank you. I went to a screening of that film where Jesse Eisenberg did a Q and A afterwards and talked about you at length and how much he likes you. And then he said that that line was improvised and it blew my mind. Was it improvised? It was kind of improvised. It was like, basically, the joke was built into the scene that I give Kieran Culkin's character a much more heartfelt goodbye. And it wasn't scripted that I said anything to Jesse, which I thought was a bit weird. So I just thought, but I should probably do not very much so that the joke still carries. So, like, the joke was in the scene. And it was also. I think it was the last. We're really running out of time. And so it was like, we only have time to do one take of this. So I was like, well, shoot your shot, I guess. And I think afterwards he was like, that was so funny. I don't think it will make it in the film because it's too silly. Oh, really? But he sort of came around. I've not seen it yet, but I've just checked now because I can chat with you now. Do you tug yourself off for me? I don't know. Great. I'll watch it tonight. About like, a Holocaust tour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's there. He's a tour guide. He's in a professional capacity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's absolutely no way. Yeah. No time. No time to tug yourself off. No, no, no. Even if you improvised it. Yeah. It's probably not gonna make it in. Yeah, I don't think that. Yeah, that will make it in. Will. But thank you. I did. Gotta shoot my shot. Yeah. Your dream sides in there, or is your dream side something different? Oh, no, she's panicked. Oh, God. I'll tell you what. Oh, there's too many. Speaking of sides, we know what this guy likes to do in his side. Remember when you talked yourself off? Aubrey Plaza. Caught you. Yeah, I do remember. She caught you, man. She caught you. That must have been embarrassing. Yeah. Did they tell you that was gonna happen? Yeah, it was in a script. What I remember about that was going into it, I remember thinking, this is gonna be so fun. It's such a funny scene. I mean, I guess for you guys it was funny. As we were sort of rehearsing, it was like, just play it completely straight. Yeah. You know? No, and. And so then suddenly you feel really vulnerable. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. But I think it did make it better. It Basically made it, like, 10. Tenser. But going in, I was like, oh, it's gonna be so fun. And then it was like, oh, this is really, like, tense and uncomfortable. Yeah. Oh, it must be horrible to film it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's really funny because you've played it straight. Yeah. Because then it's more believable. Really funny. Yeah. But, like. Yeah, I would have been. I imagine in the moment, it would have been way easier for you just to. You know. There are some tapes. Play it silly. Yeah. In the rushes where when she catches me, I'm doing full, like, Mr. Bean tumbles off the bed and, like. And then sort of, like, standing up, kind of trying to recover from it and sort of, you know, stuttering about porn. And he was like, I don't. I don't really need that. We've got that now. Just be caught doing it and just kind of. Yeah, basically. Was that as embarrassing, receiving a note like that when you've gone that big? Yeah. As getting caught wanking? No, it was all right. It was part of process in it. But, no, it was. It was like, fair play. Yeah. That is better. The thing is about, like, as you get older, your tongue dies, right? Huh? Have you not noticed? I didn't know that your tongue dies. I think so. Because of all the, you know, the siggies and digs like you. Your tongue needs. Taking me back to my Damien Rice days. The siggies and dicks make your tongue die. Well, don't you think? And the booze and the. Yeah. So now I need a jalapeno and everything. Yeah. You know what I mean? Right? I do. I do. I do. Add hot sauce, I'd say. Yeah. Yeah. Because our tongues are dying. Yeah. Because we were born in the 80s. And the ciggies and the dicks. Yeah, and the ciggies and the dicks. Yes. Where was I? Yeah. So your tongue dies as you get older. So things like lime pickles start to get really nice because your tongue's dead and it couldn't handle it before. Yeah. And now it's like. Is your tongue one of the things that keeps growing when you're older as well? You know, like your. Your. Is it your ears and your. You're asking the wrong person in this room. Is anyone a doctor? I don't think it's your tongue. I don't think you need to ask a doctor. I don't think old people have really long tongues, do they? But the ears grow, right? Yeah, your ears and your nose. I think ears and Nose but not your tongue. That'll be great. Oh, your nose grown will be lovely. Yeah, Once my nose is a grown up size, my ears and my nose are absolutely tiny. Oh yeah, your ears as well. Aw. If I ever need glasses, I'm fucked. Not gonna stay on my face. Hopefully you'll be old enough to, you know, you can just keep them in place with your tongue. Sorry, I've got to read this. Really good stuff. You're very good YouTube. Very good. Because I hate comedians. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you for doing the podcast. YouTube at all. What, what comedians do you hate? Missed a few. I've had sex with some. So many of them. Have you? Well that would lead me to believe you love comedians. No, no, no. So what is it next? My start. I haven't heard much. Would have thought have heard more gossip about that if you've been sleeping with loads of comedians. Am I not in the cool gossip circles, James? Of course we're not in the cool gossip circle. Why don't people tell us when they sleep in pop stars? People For a long time a lot of people are invested in my love life and I used. I've had more than one text message saying you should go out with James Acaster. That's actually answer everyone's problems. Has only wanted me to go around. Unfortunately I'm spoken for. No, I know. You know I wasn't thrilled to get the text message but more than once a time in my life people were like, because no one's funny. Do you know what I mean? And then people go, oh, do you know who's funny? And got like, you know, money is breathing. Money, money, money, money and his breathing. How much this set cost? I don't know on the screen how much the set cost. While we're waiting for that, Mildreds have started doing the lime pickle slaw and I wasn't, you know, I was a big fan of Mildreds and they went chain and it got less good. But still some of bits are still good. This lime pickle slaw they've just introduced is outstanding. Next level. I absolutely love it and I just think I should shout it out while we're talking about lime pickle because they're excited about it. I thought about saying a few things I like that about. Oh my God, that is 15k. Are you shitting me? You get rid of it now. We're not making any money on this 15 cake. That's what it's like being a pop star. I'm fine. What were you just saying? Lim pickle Sl. Shouting out stuff you want for free. Yeah, Yeah. I like yard sale pizza. Yeah, loads. I'm not going to. It's not on my menu. No, shout them out. Let's shout the free stuff. Marks and Spencer's Food Hall. Really good. There's one open near where I'm living. And it's truly become our plans. Yeah. Like what we're gonna do today, go to M and S Food Hall. What's your favourite thing in the M and S Food Hall? So the orange cordial. Have you fucked with that? No, I've not fucked with the M and S orange cordial, but it's so bad. I go through it really quickly. Yeah. How many wee wees? How many wee wees? So many wee wees. How many weewees? And I've got like. I've got one of them big, you know, flasks to hydrate because I'm always trying to be more healthier than I am. And I fill it with the orange cordials from ms, which is counterintuitive. I think people have taken hydration too far these days. Tell me more because I'm fed up of it. It wasn't. It was never, I'd say last, last 10 years, like, people are like, you've got to hydrate. You gotta have a massive flask with you all the time. Time. If 10 years ago people were drinking less water and they weren't walking around like big crisps or anything, were they? My mom's never drunk water. She's still alive, so. My girl look awful. What age were you? What? When they. Did you say your parents divorced? No. Oh, I said they look awful. Oh, but you thought I said divorce and you were laughing your head off. Your dream starter, Julian. Yes. I have a choice of two. Is that all right? Yes, let's. Let's hear both of them. We can try and narrow you down on it. Well, the first one, I. I used to live in the same village in Kent as Paul o' Grady and he used to invite me over for dinner and I went over one making up their own joke. Now I think it's because you're quite coquetially rubbing the inside of your thigh. Yeah, I didn't even know I was doing that sort of self comfort, I think. Yeah, that's not something the osteopath told you to do. So I went round to Halloween, it was. And there was a selection of people, his manager and my husband and Paul's sister Vera. Anyway, he served as pumpkin soup and the next thing I knew I woke up in a field surrounded by sheep. And that soup was enhanced. Something I put in. He denied it, you know, the next day because I had no memory of the entire evening. But something was put in that soup, but it was very Moorish. So that's one choice. Yes. The laced soup. The laced soup, yes. Enhanced pumpkin soup, yes. The other choice is. Have you heard of a cheese called Duda Montana? No. Well, I hadn't until about. It's a Spike Lee film. You said, have you heard of a cheese called Dudamantan? And I said, I think that's a Spike Lee film. Because I'm called Do the Right Thing. It didn't. As I was saying it, I was like, he can't even hear you, James. Why are you going for a pun that. That barely works. Yes. That also requires knowledge of Spike Lee's filmography. Well, it was worth a try. These things, it can be edited out. It won't be. Not now. Do de Montana. Guest. Couple of years ago, I was invited to play the part of Herod in the Jesus Christ Superstar musical. It's a great part, Harrod. You're only on stage for 3 minutes and 20 seconds, although from the back of the stalls, some people thought I was Imelda Staunton. But there's a lot of sitting around in your dressing room and wiping down surfaces, you know, waiting for your three minutes. And my hobby when I was on tour was to go around wherever I found myself, to Marks and Spencer's, because, you know, they're different in each town or city. And I was in Manchester. We were in Manchester and I was in Marks and Spencer's, collecting my bits and bobs. Vegetarian lasagna, Pop Tarts for afters. I don't care who knows it. And I made my way to the till and I don't. This will surprise you. I don't go for the shortest cue. I go for the most interesting looking woman on the till. And I found this marvelous looking woman with dirty fingernails and tattoos up her neck. I thought, oh, yes, she'll be good to chat to. And the man in front of me in the queue was very elderly, probably in his 90s. I mean, it's Manchester, so you can't really tell. He was quite doddery and he was getting his bits and bobs out. And I thought, shall I offer to help? And I thought, no, it'll give him a sense of achievement. Anyway, he did what he had to do. Took a while and they put it into his little string bag and tottered off. And then it was my turn. And I was so busy talking to this woman who was telling me how she'd slashed her husband with a Stanley knife. And you fucking deserved it. Speak to me like that, you bastard. And I wasn't really paying much attention. I put my items into my Louis Vuitton shopping bag and I got back to my digs. Put them on the draining board. What do you think? There was an item there that I hadn't paid for. This old boy had left this Duda Montagne cheese behind and I'd put it in with my shopping. I felt terrible. But I wolfed that cheese down in one sitting and it was delicious. So to get to the point, you could deep fry do de Montagne cheese. So that's my other alternative. Amazing. Would you like that cheese in the dream menu to have been stolen from a 90 year old man? No, that's just how I discovered it. I mean, God bless him, if he hadn't left it behind, I would never have discovered. It's like lovely. It's got a sort of nutty flavor. Creamy and nutty. It slips down. James, you'll thank me for that. You try it. So if you had it deep fried before, did you. Did you deep fry it the first time you had it? No, I've never had it deep fried. But you're just imagining that's how I might. Enormously. Because people. You do that in restaurants, they deep fry cheese. Yeah. I think they cover it in breadcrumbs or something and you get a little. What is it you have with cheese? That sort of fruity compote. A coulis security. I don't know, but paralyzed there. A chutney. A. A chutney sort of thing. Oh, where's my. Oh, just in a can. Wait. Could you open that for me? Times I've said that. Yes, that's open. Is it how you drink it then? It's already open. There's a little bit there. It does not surprise me. Julian there, that Julian. Clary's never drunk anything from a can before. I've had those bottles with a sort of nipple. Yeah. So which. Which. Which are you thinking of going. Going for? You've got the enhanced pumpkin soup. Yeah. You've got the deep fried Duda Montagne. Well, the trouble is, if you have that soup, you never get onto anything else. Yeah. Sort of game over. Yeah. As I recall. So I'd go for the old man's cheese. And if innuendo and tugging yourself off wasn't lowbrow enough, here's our annual section of toilet humor. Yes, this podcast talks about shit and piss more often than we're proud of. Here's George Egg, Bridget Christie, Mo Gilligan, Stacey Dooley, Marion Keys, David Tennant, Ian Smith, Elle Fanning and John Kearns. Pop lobs or bread? Pop lobs or bread? Georgia. Pop lobs or bread? Do you know, I knew it was. Announcement. Before you answer, answer an announcement. Yeah. How many episodes of this podcast we've done now, Benito? 260 something. That's the first time I've shouted poppadoms or bread and it's made me fart. Oh, wow. Maybe it's the thought of the sausages. As I shouted bread, I did a fart and it was forced out by me shouting. The first time you said bread or the second time? Oh, yeah, the first time. Time. But you still went in just as hard the second time. Yes, because I was trying to. I was so worried that maybe people had heard the fart. We just keep on. Just keep on going. Were you not worried that if you pushed even harder, you might squeeze the sausage out your thermos? Maybe. Maybe. I was hoping the neck would be too small. It wouldn't and it wouldn't come out. So there you go. It's a. It's a first podcast. It is first. All these times of shouting pops or bread. But that was the first time. Quite a modest sized room. This as well. Yeah. Yeah. Let's hope it doesn't smell the hot sausages by the end. We'll see. Popular bread Joe joke. Well, here's the thing. I think you know what I'm gonna say. Well, I guess you're gonna say bread or. Or you've got a hack where you got both of them. No, I'm gonna. I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say bread because where was the. In fact that I think the last time you're on your birthday making bread. Yeah. Should I say where? Yeah. E5 Bakehouse. E5 Bakehouse having for your birthday. Someone got it for you for your birthday. My daughter who works at E5. Yes. At the time of recording. Yeah. You never know what she might have done between now and then. Yeah. She's. She's a baker. And I. I said I would love to. Because I love baking bread anyway. You know, obviously I love bacon break. Also do. Yeah. And she said, I'll organize you to do a stage, which is, you know, when you go and basically chef for free in a. In a food establishment. Yeah. So I went and got there early in the morning. And we spent the day baking bread. And James came in and came backstage. I did, they let me in backstage. We could say happy birthday to George. I could see all that. And also you could meet all the bread. Met all the bread. We tried to get you to have a go with the bread. But you, you were bread shy. You were dough shy. I wouldn't do it. Why not, man? I just, I, I, it is a, it's a very high. My history of bacon is not good. I don't touch it. Do you know, it is quite intimidating, the Dough. Yeah. In E5 because the quantities are insane. Because East London, it's like sort of cotton. Yeah. You were doing a good job, man. You were doing a good job. And I loved it. I absolutely loved it. I mean, I, I, before I started doing the cooking on stage shows, I had this real. Because I was doing stand up for years before that kind of more conventional stand up. I had this real thing where I thought, I'm gonna, I'm gonna stop doing stand up altogether and I'm gonna do something in the culinary world, like, you know, at a cafe or whatever, something like that. And then I started doing the on stage cooking and realized, oh, I can do both, but I think I could work in a bakery. I'd be happy going in every day doing the same thing. It's meditative. You feel like you're creating something of value. You know, it's not intense, it's just. Yeah, it's fantastic. Was there something about bread? Because that is such a staple for food for so many people that making it feel sort of. Oh, it's, it's quite, it's like integral, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Is that the right word? Also, it's only when I met your daughter that I realized your surname isn't actually egg. Yeah. No, because I, I always assumed it was Megan. And then your daughter's called Meg. And I was like, there's absolutely no way. That is mad that that is the first time you thought the egg might not be George. George's real name. I've met a guy called Paul Foot. Well, there's, there are, there are real eggs out there. I, I've had people find me on social media. Yeah. And say, found another egg. Yeah. I'm doing my family egg tree. And so what's the particular type of bread you want then for your. Because I know you're Georgia. You're not going to just want bread in general. Well, here's the thing. So I want to give a shout out to, I suppose, honorable mentions. That's what we say. Yeah. To white sliced bread with margarine and cress. And I tell you why that is. Because when I was in nursery school, we grew crass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. As we all do. Yeah. And I will never forget the sensation of having. And we. When we finished growing, it took over a week or so. And then we cut it down and we. We had white bread, and it would have been margarine, thickly spread. And then we cut the. Put the crest in and just the sensation of having that is just, you know, it's the ratatouille. You know, critic. That's very nice moment. But that's not the bread I'm choosing. I'm choosing E5 Bread because it's. It's such incredibly good bread and because I've been there and I've made it and my daughter makes it, and, you know, it's great bread. I know it's great. I know it's great. I mean, that they featured on my first dream menu did here. I think my side dish was the roast carrots there. When I came and met you backstage, I also met the person who made the carrots. Wow. Yes. I talked to them. I said, thank you. Thank you so much. I said, we will be. Because, you know, for those people who don't know E5, the menu changes every day. It's a different lunch every day. So, you know, I very pathetically went, will we be seeing those carrots again anytime soon? Well, you never know. James's life is going to restaurants and asking people who work there when is a menu item coming back. But that is. That is the worst, though, isn't it? It's that thing of when things. Here's something I want them to bring. Bring back. Yeah. I don't like maltloaf. Sarin. Maltloaf. There is a thing you can do. There's a recipe in the book where you microwave it and add butter, and then it turns almost into like, kind of sort of sticky toffee pudding. It's amazing. But briefly, Serene did a. Like a cereal bar called the Go Bar. Stop doing it. It's gone. Can't get it anymore. But you loved it. It was just. It was so good. It was kind of Maltese serenity, but it was. It was like a flapjack, and it was just. It was heavy. Heavenly. But if you met this people from Serene. Yeah. Would you go, please bring back the goba? Oh, I really would do. You know, I've thought I've Actually thought about writing to them. How do you think the people at Serene would apologize to you? Well, I. Oh, if they just went, we apologize. You were like, it. Hell, guys, it's right there. Air. We are multi. Sorry. Come on. I. I went to the. The French in Manchester recently, which I've shouted out on the podcast before. I love it. And their bread changes pretty regular. They get it from Pullen Bakery in Manchester, and they did a malt loaf sourdough hybrid, and it was so good with beer butter. Oh, wow. Beer butter. Yeah. Wow. And. Or beef butter. Actually. Actually, as I said beer butter, I was like, that's not right. Is there anything you'd like to talk about, apart from the room itself, that we can just talk about that for a bit? Well, something has come up, which is that I thought my guts had exploded two weeks ago, honest to God. I was sat watching telly and I was like, oh, I think I need the toilet. But, oh, no. Because this is a food podcast. Yeah. No, I'll just tell you anyway, because it's just happened. Yeah. So I thought, either my appendix has burst or my guts have exploded. Either way, either one of those medical things. And I've had two children. And this. What was happening to me was worse than contractions. Oh, God. So I went to the downstairs toilet. My son was upstairs revising for his A levels. Didn't want to worry him. But I think I thought, you know, I've got quite a high pain threshold. But I was like. I was on the floor in the toilet for half an hour. Guess what it was. What? I didn't know what it was. It was a kidney stone. Yeah. I was gonna guess that. That was gonna be my first guess. Yeah. Because my wife's had those. Oh, my God. Were you with her when she had the thing? Yeah. It was awful. It was absolutely horrendous. Yeah. Honestly, it was worse than having maybe not my first child, but it was worse than having my second child, who was quite small when she was one. Not she was bigger than a kidney stone, but it. But the pain of this was absolutely off the charts. Did you go to the hospital? Yeah. And they did a scan and they said, yeah, it's less than 5 millimeters, so you just gotta pass it. But why leave it in there, though? Anyway, that's not the thing that I was gonna say. Okay. When you passed it, did you have a nice cup of tea? No, it's still in there. Like when you gave birth, it's in there. I haven't passed it. When you do. Will you have a nice cup of tea and some toast, like when you gave birth? Oh, no, I will keep it, though. But I did say to the doctor, will I know when I've passed it? And he said, some people do and some people don't. Yeah, but wouldn't it make a dropping sound? It depends. How. How big is it? I mean, it's four millimeters. Four millimeters? I'm not sure if that would make a dropping sound. Not sure. Depends how dense it is. Yeah, there's calcium, isn't it? Yeah. But the. The other thing is that I also have thought that I've had a hernia from about five years. No one can get to the bottom of it. I have this thing that appears and disappears. What, just like a bump? No, it's like a long. Can you take things out of this, or. The only way I can describe it is just in front of my right hip is like a. It's like a big erection. I hope you weren't asking Ben to take things out of this because you want that taken out of it. Yeah, I mean, that's. That's very unpleasant. Anyway, I've gone. That has to stay in the edit. Yes. Budget. Well, there's people. So it comes and go, but that's the only way to describe it. Like that long and that sort of shape. Anyway, so I've been to see loads of different doctors and consultants, went to a gastroenterologist who did the other. The other weird scan where you have to get your blood injected with this weird stuff. So it shows up everything? Yes. An ultrasound or something. Mri. Was it an mri? So I had that and then he called me and I remember I was on the. I was at Houston, I was going. I was on tour and I. You know, outside the front of Euston, there's the big concourse area. Is that word. Anyway, he called me and he said, well, I can't find a hernia, but two things. You've got a slip disc and you're retaining shit. I said, that's how he worded it. That's how he worded it. And then I laughed out loud and I said, doctor, are you telling me that I'm full of shit? And he said, In 30 years of practice or something, no patient has ever said that to me when I've said that to them. And I said, well, I don't believe you. I think you're full of shit. And then he laughed and then we had a bit of a giggle about it. And I said, so is the erection? Is that. What did you call it? That to him? You called it the erection. You said, is the erection full of shit? Don't. Do I have. Is this big erection full of shit? Do I have an erection on my body that is made of shit? I don't think I want this to go out. That's a shame. It's a huge shame. Just for the listener. If you are hearing this, it's because Bridget said it was okay for it to go out. Well, I mean, I can't describe it in any other, but I haven't had that poo erection. Should we call it. Yeah, yeah, we shall. Yeah, we shall call it that. Yeah, we will have to call it that. I mean, there's no other word for it. Has he seen this before, the doctor? So is that. I don't think he had it described in those terms. Is that so the thing that keeps appearing is that just one. Is it like a one big poo? But I haven't had one for ages. But I'm still getting going to the toilet. You're still going to the toilet? Yeah. But you haven't seen the po action for a while. Look at. Jeez, we haven't even. We barely started. I don't. Well, people won't be eating, will they? No, they don't eat while they're listening to this. No, we talk about. We. I mean, not specifically that much, but we talked about, you know, we talked about. I don't want to be, you know, people put out shows about their trauma and childhoods. I don't want to be Bridget Christie, the Pooh erection person. I don't want people to Ted Boner. The Ted Boner. I don't want, you know, people to come and see me with that. Because of that. I don't think you need to worry about increasing ticket sales if this gets out into the world. I can't be the only person that this has happened to, though, right? No. I think there must be people listening who've had. Who will go, I've had a pore action. But that's the thing, is that not enough people do talk about these things publicly. It can be embarrassing. Yeah. And you doing a great service to people. Yeah. Coming out publicly and saying, I sometimes in my body have a poo erection. And other people who think they're the only ones will feel less alone and less weird. And we'll be like, oh, Bridget Christie, who's this iconic comedian made and already known for lots of things. So it's not like the Pooh action would supersede any of your previous creative don't come to define you. You just have erection that is made completely of poo. That is. That comes and goes. Yeah. Sometimes on your body. Yes. What might happen is a doctor might get in touch and say it isn't feces. Yeah. So that's the muscles contracting. It sounds more muscular to me. Yes. It would seem unusual if it was just a whole poo that was still in your body, occasionally pushing itself to the surface of your skin. And especially when it's the front. Yeah. From what you describe, it's the front of your body. It's just by my hip. So it would have to be like, make the journey round from the back to there. And surely at some point. Well, I was thinking it was something with poo. Yeah. You would see it move around you, you know, I would say. I don't think anyone was thinking it was a poo that was, like, queued up, ready to go. Have you seen a substance when that bit of chicken moves around? No, I've not seen the substance. Yeah. It's like, I didn't think that quite made sense, that. I don't think I. I really know much about your food habits if you're much of a foodie. Oh, I'm a master a lot. I love food, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. To the point where, like, now I've lost a bit of weight and everyone's like, bro, what's going on? You lost weight? I was like, bro, I was eating, bro. I was just eating all the time. But, yeah, I'm a big foodie, man. I like my food. I would say for a palette. I pretty much eat anything you can buy, like in an actual supermarket, a proper one. I probably eat it like any of those weird things, you know, people eat, like crickets and stuff like that and, like, funky stuff. I'm. I'm out. Yeah. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm out. But I do like to try a thing first, you know, I mean, like, I remember trying steak tartar once. But I do this thing where I pretend like I know what I mean. So the first time I had oysters, I remember, like, sitting down and, you know, like, everyone's eating oyster and they're putting the stuff in. You have oysters. And I'm like, yeah, do I get a spoon and scoop this up out? What? And then, like, I kind of watch what people do, but I pretend like I know what I'm doing. But I do like oysters now. I do like oysters. Same with steak tartar. I didn't know what it was. I was a bit like, what is this? And then when I had it, I was like, yeah. But now I think I do that thing where after a while when you start eating, you know, like, I just get turned off by the look of the food or the texture. So I just don't really like steak tartana, because when I see it, it looks like sick. Do you know what I mean? Like, it looks like glamorized sick. Glamorized sick, yeah. Because sometimes I sit and it looks really nice. Nice. But. And also I think of my stomach now. Yeah. I've got one of them stomachs that tell me, like, bro, we don't eat this. Yeah, yeah. And then my stomach will let me know because about two hours I'll be on the toilet just beatboxing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got one of those stomachs, man. So. Yeah, but I am a foodie. I'm a massive foodie, man. I was saying, Ed, earlier that I think I've got one of those stomachs. I've got to start listening to it because I don't. Yeah, I don't listen to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go. Well, you like beatboxing, though, right? So you like this? You like the sound when it goes wrong? Yeah. James Records it. Puts it on an album. Got acoustics in my bathroom. But it lets you know everything's out. That's what I like about it. It lets you know it's all out. Do you see what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. It sounds, like, raw, but it lets you know, like, that all came out in one go. One blast. There's no around unless you get another contraction. And then you're like, oh, we got one more to go. Yeah. Then it lets you know that your stomach is. Bodies are amazing things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The older you get, the real how you know your body, like, you know, like, you guys have had this. You've definitely eaten. So I had something recently, beginning of the year, and I was. I think I woke up at my sleep and I was like, oh, my God, I don't feel good. And I knew. I was like, we're going to be on the toilet for an hour because me and my body know each other. You woke me up sweating out of my sleep. Ah, man, I was beatboxing on that toilet, bro. Yeah. Horrible stuff, man. Also, I find it's like you can even pinpoint what the thing if you've eaten a whole bunch of. Of stuff. And then later on it was that instinctively. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 100. I believe that too. If you looked at all of the foods you'd eaten in 24 hours in a lineup, like a police lineup. Yeah. You just know you can pick out the one that it was straight away. Sometimes the food can look a little bit off or have a little bit of an off taste. So like it was probably the Parma ham that says like it's. Did you buy. You know like when it says that it goes off in three months. Yeah. But you're like, I shouldn't have really added that. I shouldn't really follow that. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? It's like deodorant. I know it lasts 24 hours, but I still need to like wash it off and put the next. The next one off. Do you know what I mean? It's a lie that 24 hour deodorant's a lie. Some of them is 48 hour protection. It's like, that's too long. Why are you. You must really surely. 20, 24 hours. Yeah. It's got to last 40 hours. I shower in between. Yeah. Just walking around and it's still doing its job. That's incredible. Yeah. There's someone out there that definitely gets their money's worth, though. There's someone in there, puts it on and they're like, oh, this stop. 46. Barbara. I'm getting 46. 46 hours worth. Yeah, that's 48. They go, yeah, I stink now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, we skimmed over it, but definitely. Ed, putting all the food in the police lineup is like some weird fantasy you've had in the past. What? Putting food in a police lineup and picking the one that gave me the shits and then kissing it. You love food so much. Much. There's definitely a thing where you would love to be in a situation where they bring loads of delicious food out, put it in the food, the lineup, and you're like that one officer. Yeah, that's true, actually. Would I be behind the glass, though? Behind in the two way? Yeah, yeah, two way. You know what a food lineup sounds like? It sounds like. You know, you ever see those pictures where they, they tell you as a kid not to eat junk food and they've got all your junk foods on the lineup of not what to eat, like burgers, fries, and you've got the hot dog. But they like got glasses on and like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. McDonald's mascots. Yeah, yeah. I don't remember this. They've all got glasses on. What the McDonald's mascots. No. So hang on. What. What are you talking about? Where all the food's got glasses? No, I mean, like, you know, when they do lineups, they always give them glasses, like. Like to make them look bad. You don't realize that. No. When they give like. Like a. Like a hot dog. Yeah. They make it look bad. So they'll give up some glasses and like a mustache. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you can't. You can't picture it. I can't remember that. No. Soonest guy. He's a hot dog. Donating kids. Yeah. He gets you. Like, he's got glasses. You don't know him. And they've all got, like, glasses in the lineup. You know what I mean? I know. I know what most. Yeah, I know you do. I wanted to be in the gang. Yeah. I want to be in the gang. Then you end up in the lineup. Yeah, they are. Those pie shops are beautiful inside. Really beautiful. All the tiling, you know, it's all. Yeah, I think they're protected. I think you're not allowed to change them. Is that right? Yeah, because there's one in Waltham Stow which is no longer a pie shop. It's a Japanese restaurant. But they can't change the interior. Oh, fine. You can go and have a nice Japanese meal. But sat in an old pie shop. And of course, the. Is that interesting? Huh? Is that interesting what I just said? Yeah, it's very interesting. Yeah. I felt. If you ever said something and just felt like the most boring version of your dad possible, that's. That was me. Then was James and I not giving you a reaction. Yeah, that was. That's on us. Yeah. We should have reacted more. Thank you. And thank you for admitting that. Yeah. I mean, definitely. I'll tell you something along those lines. The other day, I was cleaning out the cat litter tray. This is really interesting, James. Let's see that. Yeah, that's more the sort of thing I was. After my cat had done a. A shit in, I guess in four parts. Yeah. Okay. Four parts. Yeah. Four part shit. Yeah. Like it's a new TV series. Four parts of the shit. Yeah. And I was scooping up, up, and it's cat. Because it's flushable. So directly in the toilet. Count the trace. Next toilet. Bam, bam, bam. Fourth one, scoop it up. And I think to myself, oh, that's. Oh, that's interesting. That was the first bit of that came out of its box. I was watching that. So realize that the last. The last bit that I scooped up was the first bit that came out of its ass and then I thought. My next thought was, I'm turning into my dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't say Stacy enjoyed that anecdote. Do you know that's on me again though I'm not massively into cats. I don't really like cats. It was the cat bit that put you off that story. That puts you off the story. It wasn't the drawn out explanation of, you know, the shit, it was the fact that it was a cat. If it was a bloke who'd done those shits, I'd be really interested. I'll bear that in mind. What's your cat called? I've got four. Have you? James. That's interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that. Okay. But that was Rue. That was Ru in particular. Who those shits. Yeah, R. Small one as well. She's one of the smaller ones. Yeah. So you love cats? Yeah, love them. So not into. I know. We're never gonna marry, are we? I guess not. Especially with Kev in the way. Oh, yeah. I'm a cat guy as well. Yeah. Really? Fine. Okay. One though I truly am not into cats even in the slightest. Yeah, I like dogs, but it'd be irresponsible to get a dog at the minute. The baby loves to dogs. She's into this cat actually as well that's down the road and I always try and swerve everything. I just think, go away. The cat, not my child. Why do you like cats so much? It seems to be a proper hate. Yeah. They're sort of quite probably get cancelled because everyone loves cats, but they're so quite contrary, aren't they? And they don't really need you and they bring mice in. I'm like, I have a massive phobia of mice. Pigeons and mice. Pigeons and rodents. It's just a hard. No. I actually had a mouse in my kitchen the other week and I genuinely contemplated moving. Moving out. Called your daughter Minnie. I know you're actually. Yeah, yeah, but more like Mini Driver. Right, okay. Yeah, yeah. So I just think I wouldn't be able. I wouldn't be able to trust a cat not bringing a mouse into my house. Well, my cat's a house cat, so. Has never met a mouse. Never left the house. Never left out. Do you want to hear something nuts? Yeah, sure. I was in a film with Mini Driver and I played a mouse. Stop. That's not true, James. That is true. He was in a film with Minnie Driver. Yeah. You know, you weren't in the same with the way. No, I wasn't in a scene with her. You played a mouse. We were in the same film. What film? Cinderella. Stop. Yeah, yeah. She's the queen. I was a mouse who turns into a footman. This is unbelievable. It is unbelievable, isn't it? I'm gonna. I'm gonna watch you on the way back. Amazon. That's amazing. Yeah. Pretty amazing, that is. I mean, I knew you were like a high flying comedian. Yeah, yeah. But you also. He's a film star as well. I'm a film star. He's in Ghostbusters. I'm in Ghostbusters. Stop this. And Lars Pinfield is a parabolist. James, you really are. Yeah, he's a superstar. Yeah, and I'll still scoop up my cat shit. You're still so real. Yeah, now we're talking about books. But now you're talking. It's the name of your podcast. Oh, no, no. Now you're ask. No, it's fine. No, no, that's good because we can make a king of it. No, I was really pleased with that segue. I. I knew I was gonna do it and I formulated it in my head. Now we're asking about books, but now you're talking. That's what I was. I know. I've it. Do it again. Do it again. Here's what you don't know as well, Marin. Before you came in, I messed up the intro loads. Like I was. I was messing my words in the intro. Yeah. So clearly something's happened in my brain today. No, I love you. I'm like that, you know? And look at how you berate yourself. No, no, no. You have to be nicer to yourself. We're all doing our best. And you are brilliant. Your head moves so fast. You are so clever and so witty. And this is what happens sometimes that, like when you're like that, just the words are all coming too fast and it's like a bottleneck trying to get them through your brain and out through your mouth and they just get mixed up. It's like people trying to leave a stadium with James. The words. Yes. That's exactly what it's like. It is exactly what it's like. Although. So if you are me and you travel with the Irish team, or, you know, when you go to see the Irish team, like in Farnley's, they lock us in till the local teams have left. Yes. Which is so mean because Irish football fans are delicious. You know, there was one place. Where was it Slovakia, which is on my list of like no fly zones forever and ever again. They locked us in for hours afterwards. And then they left us. Leave. They let us leave. And there was, like, men with machine guns watching us. We're like, excuse me, do you know who we are? We're Irish fans. They're treating you like you're English. I agree. So I think they got. They got us mixed up. So anyway, how did we get onto this? The bottleneck. Yes. The fun bottleneck. Yes, the bottleneck. And then before that, we got into that because of the now you're Asking podcast. Very good. Now you're Asking is a podcast that you're doing with Tara Flynn. Yes. Do you know Tara? She's a comedian. I've never met Tara. No. Never met Tara. Of course I'm aware of Tara. Absolutely. I've heard her name many, many times. But tell us a bit about now. Now you're asking. Okay. It's sort of. It's a problem show. So people write in with various kind of dilemmas. Like, so to be like, I have just met a new fella and I am less young than I used to be, and what's the story with pubic hair? Like, for example, would be one of the questions. That's a lot in one question, isn't it? It's a lot of backstory in there. I know. I think it kind of gets straight to the heart of the issue. Yeah. But then others would be like, how many minutes should a tea bag be left in a cup before you have the perfect cup of tea? This kind of business. Now, what's the story with pubic hair? Do they all end with and. Yeah. And also. Yeah. P.S. yeah. Because that's what they really wanted to know, but they had to disguise it because they weren't as. As brave as the first person. Yeah. Things like that. So. And, like, it's a mix of kind of fun stuff and really dark stuff. I mean, this poor woman wrote to us. I mean, she had been groomed by. I don't know what they're called in the Church of England, would be a vicar or a reverend or. I don't know. Anyway, when she was a child and a teenager, she was groomed by their local. Whatever he was vicar man. And as soon as she was 16, he waited until she was 16. And it's just. It's horrific. And she had never told anybody because her parents, her family, were very into the church and to be trusted with her story. I mean, it was a huge privilege. So we're very, very careful and very aware of how Vulnerable people are who write in. So it is a mix of the dark and the light. And Tara's very funny. She's also very, very kind. And we record it in my front room. So it's very intimate and chatty. And maybe, you know, the producer, he's Steve Doherty and like he put me and Tara together and the whole thing, you know, sometimes something beautiful just lands in your lap. Like that's that. So we've done four series now and we're hoping that we'll be asked to do a fifth one. Well, what would you. If you had a question, Ed, they needed answer because we can do now if you had something that. Like something that you need in your life. What is the story with pubic hair? Oh, Ed, he's not even doing the con. Not even giving the context like the first person. No, I'm coming to the heart of the issue. Come on. Two sentences before. I don't think I have anything. Actual thing with pubic hair is that he does trim his pubes, but he lets them grow out to a point where he just says he looks like a woolly mammoth before he cuts him again. Is there a way that Ed can motivate him himself to keep on top of it more? That's a good question. Yes, that's a very good question. I treat it. Ask me how I know that. I treat it like a sheep. Yeah. All right then. So it's kind of seasonal. Seasonal. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, you can't be shaving the sheep the whole time, you know, I mean, there's nothing there. Yeah. You know, I would and I did a job. Yeah, I do a job lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's exactly what I do. Yeah, yeah. But James is stressing this as an issue. Well, you've expressed it as an issue in the past. Well, I don't know whether, you know, it's difficult to know what's normal with that sort of thing. Is it because people aren't as open as US3? You could ask somebody. Not me. Not you. Yes. That's a great response to a question. Yes, you should ask somebody. Not me. We're moving on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have lots of questions for you, Marin. Of course. But they're all food based questions. Oh, yeah. Okay. It's rare we get to the pubes before the food. So hopefully when we are ask you, would you like still a sparkling water? You don't say. You should ask someone that. Not me. Not me. Also the. We're now in the dream restaurant. And the last question you want to hear in the dream restaurant is what's the story with this pubic hair? Yeah, that. Yeah. No, that is true. Yeah. Yes. I don't want any pubic hair with my Stiller sparkling water, if that's okay. Of course, that's fine. I mean, I know it's an added extra, but. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Just let's keep it simple. Someone came to my house the other day, a much older person, and they left a picture pube on the. On the toilet seat. And it was the biggest pube I'd ever seen. Lord God. Do your pubes get bigger when you get older? Ask somebody. Not me. Very long, long, but undeniably a pube. Yeah, I was. Are you sure? Yeah, 100. Much older person. Much older person. How old? Like, 70s. Yeah. Longest pubes I've ever seen. Do you have a favorite? Fizzy pop. And I'm setting you up here to, like, be destroyed by your countrymen if you say the wrong answer. Yeah, well, I. I don't mind about Iron Brew, which I think is where you're going. Yeah. But I do like a better Dr. Pepper. Yeah. Yeah, I think I would probably. If I had to land on one, I'd land on Dr. Pepper. And that is also like a soft drink that people can't really pin down what it is, what flavor it is. No. Is it the same? Same camp? Yeah, yeah, they're. Yeah, they're similar. I love a Dr. Pepper because no one's really having a daily Dr. Pepper, are they? It's something you remember exists when you're in a shop and you're like, you've not had a Dr. Pepper for ages. Yeah, I suppose. And then it's a treat. Some people really loathe it. You get quite violent reactions. Some people react to Dr. Paper in the way I react to dandelion and burdock. Yeah, sure. Palmer Violets. Things that should not be put in a human woman's mouth. Yeah. I hate Palmer Violets so much. Disgusting. My kids love them. Really? What is that about? Where have they got that from? Your kid's 90. Yeah. No, that's what it's like. It's like they've rediscovered them for a new generation. Is it big on Tick Tock? A Palmer Violet's big on TikTok, Maybe. Possibly. Yeah. It could be someone popping Palmer Violets on TikTok. Absolutely disgusting. They're horrible. Like little slivers of soap. Yeah. Yeah. I remember getting some free the first time I had them were free with the Beano. Oh yeah, they always go away with the Beano. Yeah. The Beano would have like Sweet Seller tip to the front. Yeah. So like, you know, but I, I, I was lulled in cuz like, you know, I was having stuff like refreshers on the front of the Beano Wambars. Yeah. Wham Bars is brilliant. Palma violet. Oh, what's this one? This one looks the ones with the little fizzy bits inside. Yeah. Lost the tooth in a wamba. Yeah. Great. Did you really? Yeah, yeah. I didn't swallowed it because I thought it's one of those bits. Swallowed the tooth? Yeah, swallowed the tooth. Didn't realize until later. And did you have to make sure the tooth came out the other side or did you just. No, I didn't actually. It didn't even occur to me at that age and luckily I didn't have parents who told me to. If you want that from the tooth fairy, you'd have to sift through your own feces. So you just missed the tooth fairy, I think. Well, you looked in the toilet one day and there was a quid in there. Yeah. Yeah. A tooth fairy doesn't mind getting dirty little, little shitty handprints. You can get a quid, but you do have to consider your own. Yeah, I think I, I, I probably get the quid later. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. I think you're at least washing, you're at least washing it, aren't you? You're not popping it straight under the pillow. Oh, I hope not. Buy 10 Wham bars with that. Yeah. And then you lose another 10 teeth. I mean this is, this is the money making scheme. I mind sifting through my. By the end of it, I'm a millionaire. I think. Slow cooked lamb. Yes, There we go. I want it to be slow cooked. Yeah. If it takes days. Yeah. I guess you want it just at the point where there's a level of heat you could apply to lamb where it just would never cook. Yes. Zero degrees. Yeah, yeah. But even two degrees it probably wouldn't ever cook, surely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if it was just at room temperature. Yeah, just leave it out and five days later. That's lovely. Yeah. So but the, the longest you could, that would be good, wouldn't it? If things cooked at room temperature. Yeah. So surely there's something that cooks at room temperature, you know, fruit. Yeah. That's what's happening to it. Yeah. Maybe a torch. Maybe if you put your iPhone torch on it for a couple of days. That's the slowest cooking you can possibly give It. Yeah. That's going to give you a carpal tunnel or something holding you a torch over a lamb or whatever. Mystery. I'd probably have a mystery box of meat. So I don't know what meat. Yeah, yeah. Surprise. It's another surprise dish. Lamb surprise. Yeah. Lamb surprise. Yeah. I. I had the slow cooked lamb in New Zealand at Mudbrick Vineyard and I got told off but in a. I'd say a light hearted way for. I was quite drunk. Complimenting the lamb too. Lamb. And I think that's a sign of a good meal. Yeah. You're taking some tips from Lloyd Langford. Yeah, yeah. What was your compliment? Who cooked this? How long has this been cooked for? Because they both. The way you've said it there and at that volume they sound like you're really unhappy with the complaints. I think they knew I liked it. My tone was like, who cooked this? It was more like, wow. Same as. Same tone you use when you shout beans on toast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. B's on toast. Who cooked this stuff? I give a lot of good vibes. Yeah. To chefs, but that's lovely. Why were you told off then? By the staff or by someone on a nearby table? By the staff. I think people around were discon. Disconcerted. Yeah. And maybe they're running low on lamb. Yeah. Maybe they. They hadn't ordered yet and don't force out. Yeah, yeah. But it was. Oh, my God. It was nice. Yeah. Falling apart, that. How long do you think it had been cooked for? Minimum? I think we're talking double digits. Do you? I think it was something like 12 hours. Something mad. But I can't promise that. Do you? Yeah, it was a long. It was a long time. If you'd ordered it and they were like, oh, we haven't put it on yet. You'd be pissed off. Yeah. By the time you got it, well, you'd be like, I'll see you tomorrow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just come back tomorrow. Yeah. Do you know what cut of lamb it was? I think it will have been somewhat like leg based. It wasn't. I mean by the time this thing had been cooked, it wasn't sliceable. Yeah. By any means. It wasn't a shank though. It could have been. It could have been. But it didn't come with a big bone sticking out the top. No, there wasn't a bone in it. As far as I met. I drank a lot of wine at this point. Were you out with another comedian at this point? Another comic? There were the only time I Get to go on, like a big holiday is when someone's piping for me to do that professionally. Yeah. There was a lot of comedians there. Finn Taylor, Andrew Maxwell, Alexis Dubus. Never confident with how to pronounce his surname. Oh, evidently. Maybe, like, maybe Lloyd. Was Lloyd again there as well. But, yeah, I. I mean, these are some, you know, you got Finn there, you got Maxwell there. These are some outspoken guys. And you're getting told. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you must have been really speaking your mind, throwing some opinions around if you're the one who's getting reprimanded. Yeah. I mean, Maxwell, Andrew Maxwell will tell you the history of whatever country you're in and quite a lot of detail. I will compliment the food. You'll shout, who cooked this? Yeah. What did the lamb come with? And this doesn't have to be your dream side. I'm just interested in this specific lamb. Sure. So I want elements of this, but. But not everything. It came with a mad portion of a sort of hummusy dip. Right. And then long carrots. That's the main thing I remember about these carrots is the sheer length of it. Yeah, yeah. And then you had to get your potato dish as a side, screaming, who. Who grew these? Yeah, who the hell grew these? Mr. McGregor, how long. How long have these been grown? I would say stuff like that. Long and thin. Long and th. Thin. Yeah. What color? Orange. Classic. The classic, but not the best carrot I've had was barely orange in a restaurant in Reykjavik called Scal. Got the carrots as a side. Hell, I've never had carrots this good in all my life. Yeah, they were black to the eye. Yes. They'd really been sort of roasted. I tried to look up before doing this, what they came with. The menus changed. I found a picture of them on Instagram. It doesn't say anything. Anything. Doesn't say anything. Just a picture of some carrots. It says carrots. Doesn't even say carrots. No description. But they. I love a sort of roasted carrot in some kind of sauce. I don't know. And the one in Reykjavik was like. Were they long and thin as well? No, no. And I preferred them dumpy is what I would. Black and dumpy? Yeah, that's what I would describe them. You want those with the lamb? Yes. Get rid of the long, thin ones. Ones. Yeah. They were al dente, these ones. The Reykjavik ones. Barely keeping themselves together. Yeah. So they'd been like, probably slow roasted as well. You think? Yeah. Everything about this, I want to be slow. Yeah. I completely agree with you. With a slow roasted lamb. It is. It's up there meat wise, I think. Yeah. Incredible. I want some dauphinois. That's pretty slow. Yeah. You can do that slow. No. It's not quick, is it? Well, it takes a while to make, I suppose. G. Slow roast lamb at home. Yeah. I'll have it anywhere. No, but is that something you'll do? Have you ever done that? Yeah, absolutely. Avoiding the location. I'll have it anywhere. On a train. What do you think the question was? Would you eat it? Yeah. Would you have it at home? Yeah. As in like is there any slow cooked lamb? But I haven't. Yeah. Let's just follow this. Is there anywhere that you wouldn't eat Sloats Slam. I don't think like funerals. But you. Yeah. You wouldn't have it during. Right. Yeah. You're not sorry for someone's loss if you're chewing. Well, if you're screaming. Who cook this at your top of your voice? Sure. Yeah. Or at the cremation. How long, how long has it been cooked for? Falling off the bone. Falling. Yeah. Funeral. Yeah. Train toilet. That was my first thought of where I wouldn't eat slow rice lamb. Sure. But I would if it's. I'd have it on the. The baby changing. Yeah. Toilets. Your seat. That's your table. Yeah. Would you put a tablecloth down or anything or. Yeah, ideally, yeah. Or I guess if you're. If you're a parent. An unused clean nothing. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. Even though it's unused. I'd find it hard. It would be weird. Especially if there's no plate. Especially if you're eating slow cook lamb directly out of an unused nappy on a baby changing table. I'd say that would throw me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not where I'd want it. Barely staying together. It's weird though because you'd. You'd think someone eat in. Off a nappy. Yeah. In a. In a baby changing room would be like they're having a breakdown, having a tough time. But you wouldn't associate slow cooked lamb leg. No. With a mental collapse. No. I think it's the nappy that's doing the heavy lifting there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that changes the whole thing. Also depends what brand of nappy. Right. Because if you, if there's some nice Jew and gravy in there, a pampas is absorbing all of that. You don't get to eat that. Yeah. You want a cheap nap. If you're eating a roast, you pour Your gravy on. And then you go. Immediately go, where's a gravy? Outrageous. You're doing the thing at the end of the adverts where you'd squeeze. You're squeezing it. Yeah, it's all gravy. Trying to get the gravy out. But then you squat, squeezing that back out onto another nappy that you've put under there, I think directly into the mouth at this point. Oh, yeah. Cut your losses. Yeah, yeah. Don't bring another nappy. Let's not worry about your dignity at this point. You're already squeezing gravy out of a nappy. May as well go straight into your mouth. Yeah. For American listeners, Dan. Diapers. Diapers. Yes, yes. Your main course. Okay. Okay. We're gonna do something from my grandmother's recipe book, and it is something called chicken divan. I don't know if you've ever heard of it. No. If you look it up, it is. It is something that. It's kind of. I don't know if it's Southern. I'm assuming it is almost like a take on, like, a curry, but like a Southern curry. So it. When I describe it, you're gonna think it sounds so gross. But it is made with cream of mushroom, like soup. Oh, the soup goes in. Yeah. But like cream of mushroom in the can. Mayonnaise. Oh, my God. Yeah. I'm pretty sure we can say this is something. This has never been said on this show. Chicken Die fan. No, no, no. Never. No, no, no. And curry powder, like, bought in the store. Just like, you know, generic curry powder. Yeah. Like yellow curry powder. I guess I'm trying to think. Exactly. I've actually never made it, but it is in that book. But it's. It's a. It's a casserole. Yeah. So you boil chicken. You boil the chicken. Yes. This gets better and better with every. It is one of my favorite. It's, like, so comfort for me. I mean, because it just also. It just makes me think of home because she would make it so much growing up, and she still, like. I'll be like, oh, can you make chicken divan? So then, like, the curry, the mayonnaise, the cream of mushroom, like, all that's, like, mixed together. That's put in a casserole dish with broccoli. Because can't guess the next one. Greedy to the next. Can't predict it. We're gonna top it off. So then the broccoli's in there. It's like layering. Then we're top it off with. Can we guess? Can we guess what we have? Slow papa. Guess. Yeah, have a guess. Well, I mean, we've already got mayonnaise and cream of mushroom soup, but are we putting cheese on some top of it? Yeah, we are. Oh, I was going to go. So obvious. What were you going to say? I was just going to say marshmallows. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. At this point, who knows? That could have been. That could have been as well. Jello. Yeah, that could have been too. No. You like yellow cheddar cheese? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So then that goes on it. Then you bake it in the oven. And that cheese gets like really crispy. Like, I like it has to have a crisp layer on it. And then the curry, it's like a, it doesn't taste like mayonnaise. It just has that, like, consistency. But I also, I love mayonnaise and condiments and stuff. Like some people are like revolted by it, but like, I, I, more condiments the better. Like on anything for me. But I mean, this is a casserole, but. Yeah. And you, and you have it with like white fluffy rice. I mean, I'm not selling it. I'm not selling this. But it also, it's like if you look up chicken divan, there's a lot of recipes for it. People eat it. I eat it. As you were describing it, it sounded like the sort of thing you'd see on Diners Drivings and dives. Yeah, yeah. Don't you think, like, Guy Fieri would be going, it doesn't look bad when you see it. It's actually, it's colorful. I can imagine it. It's colorful because you got the orange, you got the bright green of the, you know, of the broccoli. And then the, the chicken is like a nice yellow. So it's not like sloppy looking. It like, it looks nice. I think the bit that upset me the most was boil the chicken. I think boil the chicken really upset me. Yeah. I think once the. I can, because I can imagine the soup. That's a quick way of doing something. You know, just put the soup in the may. I was even on board with the mayonnaise. But boiling the chicken. I know because it's not, you don't, you're not trying to get a brown on the chicken or anything. You don't want that extra flavor. No, no, you don't. Because a lot of that's coming from the soup. Yeah, yeah. It's the whole chicken. It's like chicken breasts. So you would just buy the chicken breasts. They got two of those. Okay. Yeah. Two. Yeah. Made with only chicken hearts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's chicken breasts. Yeah. And you kind of. Does she shred it up? I don't know. Well, it's not really shredded. It's kind of put in there. I know I need to revisit. I haven't had it in a little bit. But then my sister the other day, because I'm here in London. In London, she was in LA and she said that Gaba. That's how I call my grandmother, Gaba. She's like, she made chicken die van the other night. I'm like, oh, I wish I was there. I missed it. Yeah. So it had me thinking. I'm like, I'll put it in my dream restaurant. When people have like, here's something I respect. We talked about this. I shouldn't say here's something. You can't flag what. What you're going to say with here's something. Because now we're all expecting something. Yeah, yeah. But it is. You're going to say something. Right. Something. But he said that here's something. As if. This is going to be good stuff. Good, right? Yeah. Ye. Yeah. I tend to use it when it's not good stuff to try and like. Got it. But Elle doesn't know that. Yeah. Try and get it. Well, so I was like, oh, so here comes something. I'm used to it now. Yeah. Just let you know. It's really nothing. Guests take a while to get used to James, but eventually they do. Not really. By the end of the podcast, though, there's usually on the way home, they go, oh, I could probably do that podcast now. Put up with that guy. Can we do it again? Yeah. I always respect when people use their. That, you know, if they have a specific name for a grandparent that is like, no one else would know that name. It's based on someone not being able to say it when they were a kid or whatever. That's what it is. When they still just would say it to everyone else. Because when I was a kid at my school, everyone called their grand grandmother Nan. Everyone would say my Nan. Yeah. And I called mine granny and felt like an idiot. Really. I still feel like. Did you get bullied for that? No, because I just said, no Nan at school. Yeah. I was trying to blend in. I go, my nan. And I remember I have a distinct memory as a kid of my mum picking me up and me talking to a kid in front of her about my granny. But Saying getting to the point where like oh my God, I've got to say Nan now. And what? She sells me out, right? What? She goes, what did you just say? Yeah. And then you're like, he called her granny. Yeah, like a little, like a little baby. That's what I felt like. So whenever anyone proper just goes with their own name, which is like so specific to their family, I'm like, respect. So self assured. I wish I was that brave. Thank you. That's a cool name though. That's like an individual name for a grandparent. Yeah, I was just Grandma, grandpa, Nanny and granddad. Those are my. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Solid, solid. Did they decide it or did you? Because like I don't remember a moment where I decided it. Yeah. And it's like family wide as well that those names. Oh, okay. Yeah. Because now like I have to remember like with my, my nephews and stuff. Yeah. Different grandparents and different grandparents names change with like my. My parents are not known as the same thing to both sets of nephews and I've got to remember that. And if I get them muddled up, I get corrected big time. Oh, wow. This is like childhood trauma for you, this keeping the grandparents. I don't know why we can't just cut it off after the parents. Why do we have grandparents to confuse everything. Their first names. It should be. We should know our grandparents by their first names. Yeah, yeah. It'd be much easier because uncles and aunties. Yeah, they're closer in age and we just call them by their names. Right. You wouldn't call your uncle uncle? No, but I'd call them uncle. Like full name Uncle Billy. But you wouldn't call Uncle Billy Uncle Billy to his face, would you? Yeah. Hello, Uncle Billy. Used to, when I was a little kid. Oh, what a loser. What a loser. Hello, Uncle Billy. Well, that's the one I should have been self conscious about. Yeah. Oh my God. I'm saying that to everyone. Go see my Uncle Billy. It's not Uncle Billy in the rhyme, is it? No, it's my friend Billy. Yeah, it's wife a bit. Yeah. I also need to know that. What's the rhyme? It was like a schoolyard. I apologize for this. I can't believe he's bought this. That we all learned. And I don't know how these things spread because me and James went to school in completely different places in the UK. But we all know my friend Billy had a ten foot willie, etc. I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm just so sorry. I won't go through. You didn't come here to hear that. I won't go through the whole rhyme, Al. But it ends up being cut off with a rake by the girl next door. Oh, my God. She thought it was a snake. In her defense. There you go. In her defense, she thought it was a snake. She thought it was only two. Yeah, it's, you know. And that is your uncle. Yeah, yeah. Can't believe it. That's my uncle. Everyone expects him to be sad, but he's like, it's still two foot four guys. Yeah, yeah. If anything, it's easier to manage. Yeah, exactly. She did him a favor. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Al, I'm so sorry. I didn't grow up with any locks on the bathrooms or toilets in my house. Right. Really? Yeah. Why? None of them work? Or was it just they were removed and your parents were like, no locks. No locks at all. But. So how did you. Yeah. Feet at the door, basically. The door. Well, hang on. So you'd still have the door shut? You'd be putting your feet on the door? Yeah, the door shut. But I thought you were saying you grew up in, like, a very free household. Oh, no, I'm just saying there's no locks in case you just. But why were you. I don't think there any locks in any door. Yeah. Front, back, Front door, back door. Yeah. Locks? Yeah. Windows? Yeah. Windows are locked? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, had windows. Anything external, but, like, inside the house, no locks. But then why were you having to push your foot? I mean, surely everyone in the house knows. Well, you don't know. You don't know if someone's in there, though. Yeah. So you knock. Yeah. I would get pretty accustomed to knocking and not just opening any closed door where someone could be having a. Knowing that there's only one door when that's happening, it's not any closed door. So what are you in your bedroom? Do you have your feet on the door, keeping it shut. How small were the rooms in your house? Were they all built so you. You could. Small enough to put your feet on the door? The toilet? Yeah, yeah. You put your feet on the door? Yeah. Bath, like, main bathroom? No. You're kind of just staring at it open for the best, but you are staring at. So that if they do come in, you're looking right at them. Yeah. It was small enough where, you know if someone had come in. Yeah. Can't think of a room where you wouldn't know someone had walked in. Did you ever do sock on the door handle? Oh, yeah. Sock on the door handle. Let him about. Sock on the door handle. Right. I'm just picturing like a video game, me walking up the door with a sock on the door. Right. Yeah. I think I know what's going on in there. Okay. Yeah. I'm not walking in. No. Yeah. If you see a sock on the door handle, is there only one person in there? Well, yeah, I guess so. Talking about your bathroom in your childhood home. I'm not saying if you saw a st on the door handle, you'd be like, oh, my parents banging. That's what it usually means. If people put a sock on the handle of the, you know, bedroom door or whatever it means they're getting down to it. What, you're telling your parents that? Huh? What you mean is that a symbol for your parents? I don't think people, like, do it when they're living at home. Yeah. So their parents know not to commit. I mean, maybe some people have that. I don't. This isn't a thing. What? This isn't a thing. This is a movie. Movies. Neither of you have done it? I haven't done it. I don't know anyone is, but. No, I. I understand. So I don't have many. There weren't many. There weren't many doorknobs in the house. No doorknobs or locks. Yeah. What's going on? Door, flat. Door. You know, you don't put a doorknob on every door. I think you do. Well, in a house. Yeah. You're working in. How are you even shutting the door? Is there no. No latch on it at all. It's just a bit of wood. I knew you were going to say a bit of wood. Your head. It's a bit of wood. You think? I bet you're even going to. How it works. You two are going to say it's like cat flaps or saloon doors. James will probably say saloon doors in your house with no locks. Saloon doors for the bathroom would be perfect. Yeah. You'd see my feet and my head. That's fine. You don't know what's going on in the middle. Yeah. Saloon doors. You know what's going on in the middle. Yeah, you can let them do that. Salute. Doors and toilets is fine. Yeah. Yeah. You'd be fine with that. In. In. In Japan, they don't have. The idea was that they'd build the toilet with the most beautiful view from the house and there were no doors. Well, it's your second time on the off menu podcast and the second time you started A sentence with in Japan. What do you mean? Oh, what? Ghosts? You would know. You didn't listen back. Ghosts don't have feet in Japan. Is that what we talked about? We talked about low light, I believe. Yeah, yeah. Ghosts don't have feet in Japanese cartoons. Right? Ghosts don't have feet. Traditionally, that's where that comes from. What do you mean by that? Because if you draw a ghost, I doubt it has feet. Right? Yeah, but that's not just Japanese ghosts. So that's why they have saloon doors and toilets. Is that what, what you're saying? There's no saloon doors in Japanese toilets. But is the ghost thing anything to do with the. No, that. That's because we. Three things. I know three things about Japanese culture. Yeah, yeah. Low lights in restaurants. Japanese ghosts don't have feet. And traditionally, toilets were built with no doors facing the most beautiful view that they could get in the house. Right. When you think of skyrocketing brands like Aloe Allbirds or Skims, it's easy to credit their success to great products, sleek branding, and brilliant marketing. But here's the overlooked secret. The real magic lies in the engine behind the scenes, the business powering their business. For millions of brands, that engine is Shopify, making selling seamless for them and shopping effortless for them. For us, upgrade your business and get the same checkout Alo Yoga uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com retail. All lowercase go to shopify.com retail to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com retail. Really ironic. Kearns has talked about locks on toilet doors since the last time I saw him. He was farting over a hand dryer repair repeatedly all evening. And the lock of the toilet door didn't help him a jot. We're nearly at the end of our best of, but we can't forget that we released one of our greatest ever episodes of off menu or any podcast this year. Yeah, the time I beat up Stephen Graham. Here we go. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Roll V. Poppadoms or bread? Stephen Graham, would you like James nor. James normally shouts this. The whole thing is he shouts it at the guest. Well, there's not a need to shout it every time. What's happened is Stephen, he's seen the pictures of you boxing. Yeah, of course. And he's got scared because, I mean, you're. You're almost certainly not aware of this, but James has called you out on the podcast before. Oh, oh, when he's called, he's called you out for A for a ruck. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't. You don't. Hold on a second. Is this. Is this fact? I don't remember this. It's happened. It happened on Azuka's episode. You have back up with a recording of this? Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's been out. You know, it's out. Recording. Can we play the recording? Can you find a recording while we're in conversation and we'll get back to this team? We'll just put this on old for a minute. Just for a minute. We'll just put this on old for a minute. Yes, James. Shut up, lad. I'm talking. We'll just put this on old for a minute. If you find what he. He said. Whoa, hang on. You've had your minute. We'll find what he said and then we'll come back to it. But for now, we'll carry on as normal. Yeah? Right. We're still mates. Okay? Just for now. I think Azuka might have said it. No, maybe you've got it. You said it and Azuka laughed in your face. Okay. I think he's got his wives crossed, Stephen. But we will carry on. Yeah, let's carry on as normal. We'll carry on as normal. I think you've got your wires crossed. Okay, you might say that. I apologize if I've got my wires crossed, but I think we both know that we'll find out because we've got, you know, we've got factual. Oh, what. Probably happened on about five episodes. Can we. Can we all hear this? Let's see what they did. Meanwhile, Stephen Graham's just stood looking at you like he's gonna rip your head off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's. That's his resting face, right? Oh, he's a. But he. He's like a giant puppy as well, though. Yeah. Oh, oh, here we go. Go on. No, no, no. Puppy dog. Sure. He is like a little puppy dog. So he shouldn't run his mouth off on TV shows. Has he ever, like, made a statement to counter your challenge? No, because he's a busy man who doesn't need to be bothering himself with stupid little Jonathan Ross. He. He fired shots. That's. That's all of us. And I'm. I'm. I'm disappointed in you, Ed, for not. Not calling him out. Oh, look, I. I'm not calling him out, but I'm very happy for you to call him out because I want to see what happens. You know what's going to happen. Yeah, you're going to get your head. You're going to get absolutely pummeled. As if, as if, man, that would never happen. Have you seen him recently? Has he seen. Has he seen himself? Has he seen me? Has he seen himself? How's that a comeback? Yeah, yeah. He looked at himself and went, yeah. Even without him here, you panic there. Has he seen himself? Has he seen himself? Has he seen himself? Has he seen himself? Has he seen. Maybe think again. No, I don't want to see what would happen. I tell you what, we wouldn't even need one take, man. Me beating him up. We do that in half a take. Yeah. Game over. End of film. Is it a film that you're getting beaten up in now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm the hero. I think that might have been. Ed said. That's kind of like Ed to me. So what did I do to Romish? I don't know. No, no, no, come on, you still. It's all out. What did I do to Ramesh? I think that it's out there now. Your ass went then, didn't it? What did I do to Romesh? Answer the question. Well, I think maybe what that was a reference to was I think you might have gone on Jonathan Ross with Ramesh. Yes, I did. Yeah. And Ramesh may have said, this is just my memory. Go ahead, cuz I'm with you now. I remember this thing. Go ahead, B. I think Rich might have said that Liverpool audiences are, aren't good aud like playing in Liverpool. Yeah. And he said because they heckle and they, they don't listen and stuff. And, and I think you said, oh, this is my memory. I'm just trying to remember. I think you said. No, I said, I'll tell you exactly what I said. I said, maybe if you were funny. I rest my case. Bollocks. It's over. Yeah, that's what I said. Yeah, well that's all I said. Look, and I know some of you, some of you have this attitude whereas like, I'm just doing my job. No, you're a comedian. I've paid 25, 30 quid here. I brought me Mrs. That's 70 quid before I've even sat down. And I want to have a laugh. So make me laugh. That's your job, innit? Yeah, so make me laugh. I, I agree. Thank you. And that's not just Scousers. That should be all over the bastard country if I'm paying money to go and watch a comedian. What I mean, you're like Duracell. Do you know what I Mean you're going on and on and on about bollocks. I don't want you doing that. I want you to be what you should be. Ron Seal. Do what it says on the tin. Make me laugh. Bastard. End of story. Can we carry on now with the show? Yeah. You okay, James? I'm good. I agree with you. Okay. I think that's a fair. Yeah, that's a good point, well made. Comments. It's a good point, well made. I always had your back, Steve. Thank you. You know, I think in my defense, I think Benito edited that to sound okay. Weird. I think you should just admit you made a mistake and we'll move on. James. Yeah, I just made mistakes. Yeah. Okay. Popcorns or bread? I like pop plums please. And it'd be nice for your mum to taste the New York wonton soup as well, of course, as the fellow wanton soup fanatics. And she'd go, oh, well done lad, you found it. Yeah. So that Tuesday and we're in a nice round table with one of those. What's them. What Them lovely Lazy. Lazy Susan. I love a lazy Susan. Yeah, it's a great name. It is a great name. It wasn't Susan. Definitely wasn't Susan. I'm not lazy. Just running late in the mail arrived. But it's that. Ooh, you know, it moves around in the middle and who's. I think we'll call that a lazy. But anyway, one of those great tables and let's. Let's stick with the theme. Let's. Let's make it all. Although none of the rest of the food is. But let's make it a lovely kind of Chinese restaurant. Nice. Yeah. And what does make a great wonton soup? What this. What is the criteria that you're looking for every time you've had? Flavor. Pure flavor. But they're not being stingy with the little wontons. Yeah. Make sure that they've got a nice big, you know, they're solid. Yeah. You don't want to be looking. You don't be looking for them, right? No. Yeah, yeah. Because then it's all. Yeah, isn't it? You know what I mean? Yeah. Nice packed wontons. Nice. You don't want it to leave you wanton more. How are we feeling about that? I'm feeling bad about it as soon as I said it. How do you think that go down in Liverpool? I do. That's why I'm sad. Yeah. We're doing so well. It would probably wouldn't go well in Liverpool. I said That. I don't think that would go well in any country. So we bought these massive, giant lobsters. Lobsters. And he bought some potatoes and he filled the pot and he literally, you know, it's not. It's not the nicest thing. Sure. When it comes to cooking lobsters. Yeah, very. But you do have to do that bit, otherwise it's even weirder, I think. Well, of course, yeah, Yeah. I don't want to be cruel. So I'm just gonna eat it like a Big Apple. Yeah, yeah. That wouldn't. In the Big Apple. Yeah, in the Big Apple, yeah. So we could get something in Liverpool. If I did eat it like a Big Apple in the Big Apple. Surely that gets something. Do I look like I'm laughing? No, you don't, to be fair. So when you make me laugh, I will laugh. Yeah, that's fair. Ed's done it a good few times. Yeah, I know, haven't I? You've seen me. Yeah, Yeah. I love gigging Liverpool. Well, I am capable of laughter. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. We are all capable of laughter if we are made to laugh. Yeah. Yep. Okay, so back to the story. Yeah. Can I have some spinach? Yeah. Okay. I'll have a little bit of spinach then. Yeah. Garlic. Fresh garlic. Yeah. Mixed in there with the spinach. I do love spinach. More. More and more. I'm a big broccoli and spinach guy because growing up, you're like, just get that down. You know, you're supposed to eat it if you want everything else. But now I look forward to the broccoli and spinach. Yeah, it's nice. Yeah. It's a good vehicle for garlic and butter, essentially. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. Great vehicle. See, that's funny. It's funny. What, with the vehicle? Yeah. Are you sure? I just saw. That was like a small thing. Do I have to explain? I just thought it was funny. He's in a vehicle and I just saw some little broccoli sitting on some, you know, some Galaxy. It's a vehicle. It's me, you know, that's what I was doing. He played with the words. He was very clever. That's you doing the work. Clever. He didn't mean a little garlic sitting on the broccoli. It's not me doing the words work. Yeah. It's given for my head to go, aha. That's funny. Sometimes you just have to plant the seed when you're. When you're a funny comedian. What the funny. Anyway, you just, you know, some People are naturally. No. What. No matter what I'm saying. Gene Wilder don't have to work at it. You do edit Gene Wilder. That's what I've said. Yeah. What the. You in that shot now. Yeah. Listen, I. I'm your biggest fan. I pick you up all the time. That's true. But Wilder. Yeah. With the talking to cheese. Wilder. Yeah. And you're saying. Yeah, that. Yeah. Wow. You're Wonka now. Yeah. Holy moly. Well, congratulations. Thank you. They know you're the new Gene Wilder. Sometimes it doesn't matter what you say, if you're funny, it just. Yeah. It just seeps out your paws, doesn't it? Natural ability. Yeah. So you meant. You meant to put in the image of a little bit of garlic riding on some broccoli like a vehicle. No, the broccoli's. The broccoli. The vehicle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the garlic's right in on the buckle. Yes, he's. But now you're explaining. You've made it not funny, which is just with the chili and stuff. Yeah. It's just. That's the. It has to just hit you subliminally. Do you know what I mean? I just saw them sitting on that vehicle. Yeah. He brought. He brought the garlic and the. The. The chili to life. Yeah. Put yourself in my shoes. If I'm seeing Ramesh on a chat show. Yeah. And he's my friend and he's getting absolutely destroyed, like torn limb from limb. The audience applauded your comment. I think they found me funny. And I think that's like, you know. Did you speak to Romish and the Green Room after being me and Romesh text often. He's a lovely fellow. Yeah. We get on really well. So Romish didn't mind and you've gone on this campaign. Yeah. On Ramesh's behalf. You haven't even chat with him in the defense of war. Yeah. Defended all comedy or comedians. Stephen likes comedy. I love comedy. Yeah. I guess I can't say you don't because you did find the vehicle joke funny. And at the time. Time it was funny. Yeah. I do accept full responsibility for running the joke into the ground and removing the humor from it. Yeah. Wilder wouldn't do that. And you can tell I like comedy cuz I plucked out Jean Wilder from nowhere. And even you were impressed. And what's quite impressive, it did come out of nowhere. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, no, I know. I'm sim. Only a true comedian could know how to funny. Gene Wilder actually was. Yeah, that's true. That's why I hate you. Yeah. See, what I've done is I've beaten you without raising a finger. That is what's scary about it. It's like. It's like the fight's already happened in a way. Yeah. It's psychological. Psychological. And it's over. We now don't need to fight. Completely in my own head. Yeah. It's like you, you know, you know, in. Yeah. You know, because like, we were. We were talking about food. Yeah. And now I just, I'm just defeated. Yeah. And it's like, you know when this is England and you're, you're talking about the food. Yeah. With the theme of Milky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You talk about rice and peas and making food. Of course. Yeah. And it's how I feel. Yeah. Can I tell you a quick little story about that? I think I know this. Oh, do you? Well, that's an. What an awful interview. No, imagine that, having a guest on and them saying they're going to tell a story and going, I know this. I think I know this one before you tell it. I'm just too in my own head. I can't even interview people now. I'm just letting them spoil the people's stories. I mean, Graham Norton knows everyone's stories before he. Norton is just setting people, people up. Yeah. He never says, yeah, I know this. I know this one. The researcher told me it. I know this one. He's never done that. I had a teacher at school tell me that I couldn't do any of, like, you know, I was saying I wanted to do comedy and a bunch of different. Can't, can't do that. It's not gonna happen. And then she turned. No, I'm not sure what you're gonna think of this story, actually. You are so in your own head. You've never said that. You've never preempted one of your stories by saying, I'm not sure what you're gonna think. Well, we'll see what your opinion is. Yeah. Oh, by the way, I've heard this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you know this one. I know this one. You know what happens. Yeah, yeah. I was on tour, I went on stage in Cambridge and someone had their. Not just their feet, but their entire legs on the stage. I looked and it was her was teacher from school who told me I couldn't do this. I looked down as her mates, they're hammered. They just ruined the whole show. The whole show just shouted out, shout, heck. Then when I tried to Deal with them. They'd go show some, they turn serious and go show some respect. That's your teacher. I was like, at the time, I was like, I don't know, 30? Yeah. I was like, I'm 30 years old. And again, the teacher anymore. Ah, shut up. They ruined it. And I came off stage and I was still on Facebook at the time and I went, went. I had a message from her because she had followed me on Facebook after their school and she said, just hammered. She's like, that was great. We had a great night. We're in the pub across the street. Come have a, come and have a drink with us. So I messaged back saying, where's this going? Yeah, yeah, now she's my wife. This is me. I got, Got it. I can't see the claim, anyone. He's laughing, he's laughing. Jean Wilder. Jean Wilder, come with me and you'll be in a world of pure imagination. You got pwned, James. No, I didn't, Ed. I believe I won. Although I didn't listen back to the clips, so I didn't need maybe some genuine behind the scenes chat about what a fun episode that was to record, or how good Steven Graham was. Close brackets. And of course you can watch the supercut of James versus Stephen Graham on our YouTube channel. Now, that's it for 2025. If you'll come along to the Royal Albert hall shows in March, we'll see you there, I guess. But for now, we'll leave you, as always, with the annual Papa Doms or bread Complication. That's what it says that it says complication. It says complication. It says complication. So that this is what it is. Yeah. Bye. Pop RS or bread? Pop RS or bread? Actually, Psk. Pop Rums or bread? Wait, what? Pops or bread? Pops or bread? Pop LS or bread? Jillian Anderson. Pops or bread? Definitely bread. Pops or bread? Pops or bread? Joanne McNally. Pops or bread? I, I, I go. Papa Dum Pops or bread Pops? David Poppins or bread? Bread. Pop dums or bread? Pop dums or bread? Emily Campbell. Pop dums or bread or bread? Pop dums or bread? Pop DS or bread? Nina C. Pop dums or bread? Poppa doms or bread? You say. Yes, just a bit. You did just a bit say that I would like Poppa Doms, please. Pop dums or bread? Pop dums or bread? Lyric Pop dums or bread? Here's this is the only problem I have with this podcast. I love your podcast, but this is the fundamental floor the of the Format. Okay. Is get Bacon on the phone. It's like asking me, do you want an apple or an avocado? And asking me to come up with the right. Like they're so con. Contextual. Yes. Pop ups or bread? Pops or bread? Fanning. Pop knobs or bread? Oh, my God. What? Bread. Bread. Pop dos or bread? Pop dos or bread? 1. This one. Pop dos or bread? Are you mad? Papa Dos all day, man. Pop dos or bread? Pops or bread? Martin or bread? So it was poppadoms. Until 2014. I would have said poppadoms. Pops or bread? Pops or bread? Self esteem. Pops or bread? Made a jump. I did it. I made a jump. Yeah, she jumped. She knew it was going to happen. She still jumped. Horrible. Papa Doms, obviously. Poppad or bread? Pop dos or bread? Kate Winslet. Pop dos or bread? Quite loud. Bread. Definitely. It was a bit loud. Free time. Yeah. Pop ups or bread? Pop ups are bad. Julian Clary. Pop ups or bread? Pop it on bread. Very well done. Yes. Poplars or bread? Pops or bread? Poplars or bread? 10,000 times bread. Pop loves or bread? Poplars or bread. Bren Schwartz. Poplubs or bread? Pop loves or bread? Yes. What is a POVs? As. As. As is tradition, when James screams Poppadoms or bread. What is a poppadom? Pops or bread? Pop dums or bread? Daisy Redley. Pop DS or bread? Bread. Pop dums or bread? Pop lobs or bread? Ellie Taylor. Pop nobs or bread? I am going to say bread. Pop LS or bread. Pop lobs or bread? Greg James. Pop noms or bread? I thought about this a lot. Obviously it's poppadoms. Poppadoms or bread. Pops or bread? Harry Dickinson. Pops or bread? Oh, bloody right. Well, that went well. Pop dubs are bread. Pops or bread? In Smith. Pop knobs or bread? I don't think we actually got the water. Blood is the answer. Blood has to be the answer now. Okay. Robing blood. Bread, please. Pop Knobs or bread? Pop knobs or bread. Mo Gilligan. Pops or bread? I'm saying bread. I'm saying bread. Pops or bread? Pops or bread? Traffic B or bread. Very good. I'd say quite harsh to do it as Catherine was taking a sip Prosecco from her teacup. Oh, I didn't think of that. Pop ups or bread? Pops or bread? The chair Kesin. Pops or bread? Oh, both. I've never ordered just one, have you? Pop out of bread. Pop out of bread. Canal N. Pop out of bread. Obviously. Pop up. Pop ups or bread. Pops or bread? Well, Gilbert, Pops or Bread. Bread Pops or bread? Pops or bread? Neil had it Pop dubs off bread. It's a bit like that scene in Man Bites Dog where he scares the old woman to death. I gotta say, it's the first shout out we've had to man bites dog in the pub. Good shout out to Man Bites dog. Poplums or bread Problems or bread? Santiago last. Poplubs or bread? Oh, we say bread. Poplubs or bread? Poplums or bread? Sally Phillips. Poplubs or bread? Basket of bread. Basket of breads of the world. Poplums or bread problems or bread. Stacey Dooley. Popnoms or bread? Pop DS or bread? What bread are we talking? Pop noms or bread? Pop noms or bread? Shout out. Joey. Pop bombs on bread. Switch around, flipped it. Got to keep you guessing. Yeah. Nino came out first. The police knew what was coming. It was a sting. It felt right at the time. A sting. It has to be bread. Pops or bread? I like popping on split. Yeah. Pop lobs or bread? Poplars or bread? James Norton. Pops or bread? Easy. Bread. Bread. Bread. Bread. Pop lobs or bread? Pop lobs or bread? Well, sharp. Pop lobs or bread? Oh, yes. Yeah. Bread. Probably. Pop lobs or bread? Pop lobs or bread? Stevie Martin. Pop lobs or bread? Bread. Bread. Bread. French Brigette. Pop knobs or bread? Pop lobs or bread? Johnny Pelham. Pop knobs or bread? Oh, that was pretty. I like that sound. And we got that sound out of someone before you could have gained 60 years there. Suddenly. Pops or bread? Pop RS or bread? Joy crooks. Pop RS or CR Joy spilled a coffee. I've just spilled the coffee. Pop RS or bread? Pop RS or bread? Man. Oh, gr. You looked so shocked at me. That's the first time you've not been able to get through because you looked at me like, what has happened? What have I done? Cuz I didn't hear. I didn't know what you were saying. Put those on bed. Mar and keys. Put Me or bread? Bread. Pops or bread? Pops or bread? Reese James. Pops or bread? I bet it feels good, doesn't it? Shout that to. To have someone that you don't respect in the chair again. You've had two, but you got two. The podcast has got too big for how much you like chowing that. Pops or bread? Pops or bread? John Early. Pop LS or bread. And there's the catchphrase. That's the Poppadoms or bread? That's it. Indian kind of cracker. Yes. Has this come up clearly? But is it Someone disagreed with you at one point in your early childhood. Okay, okay. Poplars or bread? Pops or bread? George, egg problems or bread? Do you know I knew it was announcement before you answer an announcement. Yeah. How many episodes of this podcast we done now? Bonito? 260 something. That's the first time I've shouted poppadoms or bread and it's made me fart. Oh, wow. Pop knobs or bread. Pop knobs or bread? Robert Dairo. Pop knobs or bread? What? Yes. Poms or bread? Oh, yeah, yeah, no, I know. I knew it. I knew this was going to happen. Chris. I've given him the responsibility, as you saw before we started the podcast, I gave him the responsibility that he's got to do the shouting. And I said, that means you've got to know when to do it. And he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. During this whole bit I was like, he's forgotten. Yeah, yeah, No, I didn't forget. I was just enjoying the chat. That's the problem, because I enjoy just a nice chat. Chris, what shouting's he gotta do? I gotta shout. Popping onto a bread in a bit. But the idea is I surprised the guest, but it's not gonna surprise you now to the least surprise it's ever been. I wasn't listening. Yeah, all right, talk about something else for a sec. Chris. Yes? You said you got pops up bread. Christmas bread. Were you surprised? Oh, do you know what? Yeah, I love that. Pops or bread? Pops or bread? Jeff Goldberg, pops or bread? What did you say? Pops or bread. I will translate. James said poppadoms or bread. That's your next choice. Of course. I knew you said that. Well, if you're really asking, although you're scared. Did you see how easily I delighted by it? You seem delighted as well. I like scary movies myself and I don't mind a jump scare. Even though it makes me jump. I'm an easy jumper. Well, you, you, you, you, you're up. You're, you're, you're talking up my alley because why could we. Let's talk about bread. We could talk about all manner of bread, all sorts of bread. My likes and dislikes. But papadam, I know it from my Indian enthusiasms. Oh, I love Indian food. Food. I love spicy food. Vindaloo, this and that. I love. What is that? Cardamom. Some of those curry flavors. Oh, I love it. And when you get that. Well, none that's a more dangerous and sinfully delicious, you know, doughy thing. That scares me a little bit. I love it. I love garlic I'm a big garlic man, so I love garlic. Garlic nun. And when it's warm, I love all of that.