Ep 263: Josh Widdicombe - Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster

Summary5 min read

Podcast Summary: Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster – Episode 263: Josh Widdicombe

Release Date: September 18, 2024

In Episode 263 of "Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster," comedians Ed Gamble and James Acaster welcome special guest Josh Widdicombe into their whimsical dream restaurant. The trio embarks on a delightful journey to uncover Josh's ultimate dream meal, exploring his favorite starter, main course, side dish, dessert, and drink. True to the show's comedic essence, the conversation is rich with humor, personal anecdotes, and playful interactions.

Introduction to Josh Widdicombe

[02:24] Ed Gamble: "Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Taking the chips of conversation and adding the cheese of humor."

[05:02] Josh Widdicombe: "Delighted to be here."

Ed and James introduce Josh as a "wonderful man and a wonderful comedian," emphasizing their long-standing friendship and collaborative history. They tease Josh about his upcoming tour titled "Not My Cup of Tea," hinting at humorous content related to tea.

Food Preferences and Humorous Banter

The hosts delve into Josh's simplistic yet beloved food choices, beginning with a playful disagreement over poppadoms and toast.

[37:07] Josh Widdicombe: "But I don't want to get sliced bread, so."

[38:32] Josh Widdicombe: "Like cutting a tree and seeing the rings. You can see how many cups you've had for rings of tea."

The conversation highlights Josh's deep affection for toast, describing it as a symbol of homeliness and security. Ed and James engage in light-hearted mockery, joking about the intricacies of slicing toast and the absurdity of associating toast with fancy culinary presentations.

Notable Quote: [38:50] Josh Widdicombe: "There's a homeliness to it, isn't there? There's a feeling of safety, there's a feeling of security, of being at home."

Josh's Culinary Experiences and Preferences

Josh shares humorous stories from his past, including an incident in Rio where he accidentally ate a meat sub, leading to an aversion to meat after recovering from swine flu.

[11:03] Josh Widdicombe: "At the Paralympics when I was really drunk and me and Alex Brooker picked up the wrong subways."

He discusses his lifelong vegetarianism, his disdain for certain foods like falafel, and his appreciation for paneer and sag paneer as vital components for vegetarians.

[54:34] Josh Widdicombe: "The existence of those two does a lot of the work for where meat disappears."

Drink Choices and Rituals

Josh's passion for tea is a central theme, revealing his dependency on tea as a comforting ritual akin to a relationship. He humorously contrasts this with his past struggles with coffee and alcohol.

[60:03] Josh Widdicombe: "So I'm gonna have tea."

[60:41] Josh Widdicombe: "I was a big tea drinker, but now it's like relationship someone has with smoking."

The hosts poke fun at Josh's elaborate tea rituals, including his use of a water carbonator to enjoy sparkling water without the guilt of plastics.

Notable Quote: [21:49] Ed Gamble: "You do not need to ask in future, Josh."

Main Course: Franco Manka Pizza Number Five

Josh's main course choice, Franco Manka Pizza Number Five, sparks a vivid discussion about pizza toppings, restaurant experiences, and the commercialization of beloved eateries.

[45:00] Josh Widdicombe: "Franco Manka pizza number five. No anchovy, but with chilies instead."

He reminisces about the early days of Franco Manka in Brixton Market and laments how popular establishments can lose their unique charm when they expand.

[45:50] Josh Widdicombe: "So that's capitalism. That's capitalism for you."

Side Dish: Saag Paneer and Poppadoms

Josh selects Saag Paneer as his side dish, praising its role in vegetarian cuisine. The conversation extends into a humorous critique of standard side options like falafel, emphasizing Josh's preference for authentic, straightforward flavors.

[53:46] Josh Widdicombe: "I'd like a sag paneer, please."

[54:37] James Acaster: "And I think we're gonna be here for eight hours."

Dessert: Christmas Chocolates

Josh's dessert picks include a variety of Christmas chocolates, with a particular fondness for Lindt balls and After Eights. The hosts engage in a spirited debate over chocolate varieties, packaging annoyances, and seasonal spikes in chocolate sales.

[66:15] Josh Widdicombe: "And I'd like some matchmakers as well."

[67:00] Ed Gamble: "You have to throw it in. That's the reason the lids."

Their banter extends to discussing the overabundance of chocolate during Easter and its impact on households.

Promoting Josh's Tour: "Not My Cup of Tea"

Throughout the episode, Ed and James seamlessly integrate promotion for Josh's upcoming "Not My Cup of Tea" tour. They highlight Josh's comedic prowess and hint at new material inspired by their conversation.

[75:34] James Acaster: "And this because it's improv. Over. I go to touch Ed's bum hole again."

The hosts encourage listeners to purchase tickets, promising an engaging and humorous experience grounded in Josh's unique comedic style.

Conclusion and Final Remarks

As the episode wraps up, the trio reflects on their dynamic interactions, Josh's distinctive preferences, and the laughter shared over seemingly mundane topics. They reiterate their appreciation for Josh's participation and tease future episodes featuring other guests.

[76:20] James Acaster: "Thank you very much for listening to Off Menu. We will see you again next time."

Highlights and Notable Quotes:

Josh on Toast:
"[38:50] Josh Widdicombe: There's a homeliness to it, isn't there? There's a feeling of safety, there's a feeling of security, of being at home."
Josh on Tea Rituals:
"[60:21] Josh Widdicombe: I've got quite worrying. Not worrying. Because it's tea."
Ed on Poppadoms and Bread:
"[30:12] Josh Widdicombe: The yogurt. Y one's. That's your top."
James on Culinary Preferences:
"[68:18] James Acaster: But they kind of know that if they make too big a deal of it, people just start asking questions."

Final Thoughts: Episode 263 of "Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster" offers a hearty serving of humor intertwined with Josh Widdicombe's personal culinary preferences and anecdotes. The episode stands out for its engaging dialogue, relatable food discussions, and the seamless blending of comedy with genuine conversation, making it a must-listen for fans of the hosts and Josh alike.

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Transcript1,320 lines

[00:00]
Josh Whittaker
My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for Career day and said he was a big roas man.
[00:07]
James Acaster
Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laugh at me to this day.
[00:14]
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[01:29]
James Acaster
Acast Powers the World's Best Podcasts Here's a show that we recommend.
[01:37]
Josh Whittaker
Welcome to Just a Couple Things. It's your sister Jessie Wu. You may know me from Wild N Out, Dish Nation, All Blacks, Ala Carte and su. So many other platforms. Just A Couple Things is a podcast where we're dishing all things pop culture as well as comedic story times. Give my podcast a follow and make.
[01:55]
James Acaster
Sure that you subscribe.
[01:56]
Josh Whittaker
Subscribe so you never miss out on an episode. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.
[02:25]
Ed Gamble
Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Taking the chips of conversation and adding the cheese of humor. Cheesy chips?
[02:31]
James Acaster
That's a gamble. My name is James Hayester. Together we own a dream restaurant. Every single week we invite in a guest and we ask them their favorite ever start a main course dessert side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week our guest is Josh.
[02:42]
Ed Gamble
I could have put some chili and garlic sauce on the chips I suppose.
[02:45]
James Acaster
Could have been so many things you could have done but I respect it.
[02:48]
Ed Gamble
Just the purity of cheesy chips.
[02:49]
James Acaster
It was cheesy chips, and that's it. Yeah. And, you know, maybe that's fitting for this episode because I imagine Josh Whitaker when it comes to food. Simple kind of guy.
[02:57]
Ed Gamble
Simple kind of guy.
[02:58]
James Acaster
Straightforward.
[02:59]
Ed Gamble
But a wonderful man and a wonderful comedian.
[03:01]
James Acaster
A wonderful man. Wonderful comedian. We've both known him for many, many, many years. Worked with him several times. That definitely. I mean, you know, for what. We'll definitely get Josh on at some point. From day one, we were like, he's in the bank. Right?
[03:14]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah.
[03:14]
James Acaster
He'll do it whenever.
[03:15]
Ed Gamble
But sometimes you take people for granted.
[03:17]
James Acaster
You do. Well, not anymore.
[03:19]
Ed Gamble
Not anymore. He's here. And look, we'll be talking about his new tour. Not my cup of Tea.
[03:25]
James Acaster
Well, that's what the tour is called.
[03:26]
Ed Gamble
Yes.
[03:27]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[03:27]
Ed Gamble
And also a description of how I feel about. No, Not My cup of Tea. It's happening in September 2025. Get your tickets early.
[03:36]
James Acaster
And Josh's tour is on sale this Friday. So make sure you go onto joshwiddicombe.com and you get yourself some tickets if you like. Laughing.
[03:43]
Ed Gamble
Get to the show.
[03:44]
James Acaster
Get to the show.
[03:45]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[03:46]
James Acaster
Listen, we love Josh, but if he says the secret ingredient, an ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable, we will have to kick him out of the dream restaurant. Rules are rules.
[03:55]
Ed Gamble
And today, the secret ingredient is a goat's cheese and caramelized onion tartlet. This is your suggestion. Would you please explain why it's such a specific thing for Josh?
[04:05]
James Acaster
It's the last thing he ate before he got swine flu quite a few years ago. I remember him telling me that he can't go near them now. He can't have them. But then I also have a memory of him telling me that he's started to be able to eat them again.
[04:20]
Ed Gamble
Okay, so it's not because some people will get annoyed if we're picking something that they definitely won't pick.
[04:24]
James Acaster
Yeah. Yeah.
[04:25]
Ed Gamble
But maybe his love for goat's cheese and caramelized onion tartlets is back with a vengeance.
[04:30]
James Acaster
Yes. So it'd be fun for that to be the thing that gets him kicked out and we ruin it for him again. Yeah. So then it's like he's got another negative memory attached to it.
[04:37]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[04:38]
James Acaster
And therefore he has to stop eating them again. Yes, absolutely.
[04:42]
Ed Gamble
It would be funny to do that. Should we get on? Get on with it?
[04:45]
James Acaster
I think we should get on with it. Everyone wants to hear what Josh Whitcomb's dream menu is. Why Stand on ceremony.
[04:50]
Ed Gamble
This is the off menu menu of Josh. Welcome, Josh, to the dream restaurant.
[05:03]
Josh Whittaker
Delighted to be here.
[05:04]
James Acaster
Welcome, Josh Whitaker to the dream restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.
[05:08]
Josh Whittaker
Not as much as I've been expecting me either.
[05:11]
Ed Gamble
This has taken a while.
[05:12]
Josh Whittaker
Well, do you know what? I've on more than one occasion been complimented on my appearance on off menu by people because they just assumed. They just assumed that they've listened to it.
[05:24]
James Acaster
I wonder who they've confused you with.
[05:25]
Josh Whittaker
Or like, they've just gone, he must.
[05:29]
Ed Gamble
Well, I mean, that's true. But, like, I think very early on we were like, look, there's loads of people that we know who would be brilliant on it, so let's go.
[05:35]
Josh Whittaker
So let's put them first.
[05:36]
Ed Gamble
So let's not get well. Let's not burn out all our brilliant reserves. Early doors.
[05:41]
Josh Whittaker
Who's still on the bench, or is this it?
[05:43]
James Acaster
A lot of people. Beckett is on the bench. Beckett who's like, you know, obviously, fantastic podcast royalty. Yeah. And I think maybe we've been too cocky, actually, with Beckett. No, I think we think we've got Beckett whatever we want. I don't think that is, actually.
[06:00]
Josh Whittaker
He likes to sell, though, doesn't he? If you get him at the right time.
[06:03]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[06:04]
Josh Whittaker
I think the thing is, there was a point about a year ago where I thought, when they asked me, I'm gonna say no, that's gonna show em. And then instantly, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm available.
[06:14]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[06:14]
Josh Whittaker
Thursday, 9:30. Yeah, yeah, I'll be there.
[06:17]
Ed Gamble
Beckett's a hard get now, I think.
[06:19]
Josh Whittaker
He doesn't like to leave his house.
[06:20]
Ed Gamble
He doesn't like to leave his house. We tried to get him to do the taskmaster podcast that I do once, and he went, no, no, no, no, no. I'll do your food one.
[06:29]
Josh Whittaker
There you go.
[06:30]
Ed Gamble
I'm bartering already. But that was about three years ago.
[06:33]
James Acaster
So, yeah, now we're in trouble.
[06:36]
Josh Whittaker
You get Rob Beckett when he's contractually obliged to do promo. He'll definitely do this over Lorraine.
[06:42]
James Acaster
It's not like he can hold anything over us and go, well, I won't book you for mine. It's like we're childless.
[06:47]
Josh Whittaker
I know, I know, but I'm waiting.
[06:49]
Ed Gamble
I mean, Rob does genuinely say that to me. He's like, when are you gonna have kids?
[06:52]
Josh Whittaker
Why not?
[06:54]
Ed Gamble
You two are just ambulance chasers.
[06:57]
James Acaster
For the good kind of ambulance chaser.
[06:59]
Josh Whittaker
We go too early now. So you're like, interview Joel. Even, like, four months into the pregnancy.
[07:07]
Ed Gamble
Get the first One in. Because, you know, you can get another one post birth. Yeah.
[07:10]
James Acaster
Exactly the same reaction that he got for our podcast. Joel, from yours.
[07:14]
Josh Whittaker
What, the protein shake?
[07:15]
James Acaster
Yeah. They absolutely hated him. They still hate his guts.
[07:18]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, No, I think if we rebooked him, we would. Because I saw him the other day and he said how he just. It's just great. It's just easy parenting, isn't it? I was like, yeah, we're probably not going to book you in actually, Jo.
[07:32]
Ed Gamble
But we don't want people enjoying the process.
[07:35]
James Acaster
Parenting heaven.
[07:36]
Josh Whittaker
It's not parenting heaven. No.
[07:37]
James Acaster
That's got across your mind at some point.
[07:39]
Josh Whittaker
Parenting Heaven.
[07:40]
James Acaster
To do another one.
[07:41]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[07:41]
James Acaster
Do another podcast. There's another podcast called Parenting Heaven.
[07:44]
Josh Whittaker
Well, I wonder whether we should. We really miss the opportunity to, you know, franchise the hell. Like the rest is.
[07:52]
James Acaster
Of course.
[07:53]
Josh Whittaker
Have you thought about doing off other things?
[07:58]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, well, I'm not sure that we. We'd have to get other hosts in for those.
[08:02]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[08:03]
Josh Whittaker
But you could do a sports one that's like off team sheets. That's like off the ball. That's much better off the ball. And then it's like your dream. And you'd be like a genie football manager or whatever.
[08:13]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah, I'll be a genie football manager.
[08:16]
Ed Gamble
But the problem with that is your dream dressing room is the dream concept. And I'm not saying it was necessarily us who started it, but there's a lot of other podcasts that now do the dream thing.
[08:29]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[08:30]
Ed Gamble
So that football manager one has already happened.
[08:33]
Josh Whittaker
Oh, right, okay. Yeah, yeah.
[08:35]
Ed Gamble
With some other people.
[08:37]
Josh Whittaker
Music, of course, has happened 80 years before. You started this with Desert Island Discs.
[08:41]
Ed Gamble
Yes, exactly. Yeah.
[08:42]
James Acaster
Oh, come on.
[08:43]
Ed Gamble
It's different. They're not screaming, you know, Elvis or Roy Orbison at the top of their voices, are they?
[08:48]
James Acaster
That's the missing trick. Why is there not a genie on it?
[08:52]
Josh Whittaker
I'm not into Desert island discs.
[08:54]
James Acaster
You're not? It seems very up your street. I assumed you were. I've known you for a long time.
[08:58]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, well, you're about to have your assumptions blown today.
[09:01]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[09:01]
Josh Whittaker
Because they don't talk about the music enough. They'll just choose a song and then.
[09:05]
Ed Gamble
They'Ll talk about, like, the memories attached to it.
[09:08]
Josh Whittaker
Well, they won't even do that. They'll just be like, that was Oasis or whatever. And then they'll go, now, let's talk about your mom. And you're like, oh, yeah, yeah. It's like it's not connected enough for me.
[09:17]
Ed Gamble
I love the idea of you screaming. At your radar going, don't talk about.
[09:20]
Josh Whittaker
Your mum, ask about why he chose the song more.
[09:24]
James Acaster
Yeah. Because you'll probably get into that. You know, that's what happens on this one.
[09:28]
Josh Whittaker
Exactly. Yeah. Although when I listened to the Cram Cox and one of this, I had the opposite.
[09:33]
James Acaster
Yeah, you were human.
[09:35]
Josh Whittaker
Stop talking about Ferguson.
[09:37]
James Acaster
You were absolutely.
[09:38]
Josh Whittaker
The opportunity you've got here.
[09:40]
Ed Gamble
I don't think anyone's ever been angrier about a podcast than you were about the A, that we got Graham Coxon furious. Yeah. And B, that we didn't talk to him enough about Blur.
[09:49]
Josh Whittaker
No. Barely scratched the surface.
[09:51]
James Acaster
I bought Blur versus Oasis.
[09:53]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, exactly.
[09:53]
James Acaster
What more do you want?
[09:54]
Josh Whittaker
Oh, my God, what more do you want?
[09:56]
James Acaster
That's what everyone wants to know about.
[10:00]
Ed Gamble
That's the hot topic.
[10:01]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, exactly. Oh, man. Just talking to him about some fucking tacos.
[10:08]
James Acaster
Does. Because this was brought up on a text group that we're on and you were like, I can't believe you interviewed Coxon and all this. And I just remember that during that conversation we made a lie up that I still don't think we've cleared up with the person who we were duping. I think Ellis James might still think that we've interviewed Paul McCartney for this.
[10:28]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, I think he does. Yeah.
[10:29]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[10:29]
Josh Whittaker
But that's not out the question.
[10:32]
Ed Gamble
I don't know.
[10:32]
Josh Whittaker
He's big on the food scene. He could be promoting.
[10:35]
James Acaster
He loves Romesh.
[10:36]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, he loves Romesh.
[10:37]
James Acaster
Romesh has been on this podcast.
[10:38]
Josh Whittaker
Exactly.
[10:39]
James Acaster
We wonder why Kevin Bacon's. Yeah.
[10:42]
Josh Whittaker
Doesn't like bacon.
[10:43]
James Acaster
No.
[10:43]
Ed Gamble
Neither does Ramesh.
[10:44]
Josh Whittaker
So don't bring up bacon.
[10:47]
Ed Gamble
Neither do you.
[10:48]
James Acaster
Of course, if we're talking food.
[10:51]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[10:51]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[10:51]
Josh Whittaker
So I've been vegetarian all my life.
[10:53]
Ed Gamble
Lifelong veggie.
[10:54]
Josh Whittaker
Lifelong veggie.
[10:55]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. Haven't even tried it.
[10:57]
Josh Whittaker
I've had it. I have tried it. And then the last time I ate meat was in Rio in 2016.
[11:04]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[11:04]
Josh Whittaker
At the Paralympics when I was really drunk and me and Alex Brooker picked up the wrong subways.
[11:13]
Ed Gamble
Rio 2016. Such a, like huge. Amazing Brazil. What a beautiful country.
[11:19]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[11:19]
Ed Gamble
You're getting drunk with Alex Brooker and having a subway.
[11:22]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[11:22]
Josh Whittaker
3:00Am subway.
[11:23]
James Acaster
Get what you deserve.
[11:24]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I ate a full foot long steak sub without realizing it. Well, the only way I realized was right near the end. So I didn't eat quite full. I was like, I didn't order cheese sauce because it has that cheese.
[11:40]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[11:40]
Josh Whittaker
And then Alex was like, oh, wait. And then we realized we got the wrong one. But I Thought it was just like a Brazilian like veggie patty kind of thing.
[11:47]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[11:48]
Josh Whittaker
So I. But I threw up because I think. Not because my body rejected it, but I think the thought of it.
[11:54]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. Especially so much like a foot long full cow, basically. That's it.
[12:00]
Josh Whittaker
That's the proportions, I think.
[12:01]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. They get a whole calf into one of those foot long subs.
[12:05]
Josh Whittaker
Exactly.
[12:05]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[12:06]
Josh Whittaker
It's actually less cruel to do the foot long than have half a calf and then the half.
[12:10]
Ed Gamble
Because. Yeah. You're not wasting anything there. It's nose to tail.
[12:14]
James Acaster
Yeah, exactly. Use the whole animal, man.
[12:17]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[12:19]
James Acaster
What was Booker's reaction? Was he like, oh, actually mine was delicious. So I might go veggie now.
[12:23]
Josh Whittaker
No, it wasn't.
[12:23]
James Acaster
No.
[12:24]
Josh Whittaker
He's a committed carnivore. No, I don't remember. We were. It was like 3am and it was the last night.
[12:29]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[12:30]
Josh Whittaker
And so we weren't going to go for like a Michelin starred meal. No, you probably would have.
[12:35]
James Acaster
Yeah. Immediately.
[12:37]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, absolutely.
[12:38]
James Acaster
Yeah. Miss Rio at the Olympics.
[12:40]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[12:40]
Josh Whittaker
Paralympics. Thank you very much.
[12:42]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[12:42]
Josh Whittaker
Why do you hate the disabled?
[12:47]
James Acaster
On my last leg, every time I open questions. Oh, guys, come on.
[12:52]
Josh Whittaker
I can see two reasons.
[12:53]
James Acaster
Yeah. This is a pre record. Right. Last time I saw Brooklyn, he had to have a word with me because we were playing the Taskmaster football game and I kept on passing it to him by and I wasn't thinking but I just was kicking it quite high in the air. And you said, can you stop? I said, james, I've got what? I've got one foot. Can you stop like kicking it high in the air for me. So I've got to go after it. Like that's not lobbing people passing it to me. It's not the best way of doing this.
[13:23]
Ed Gamble
But were you, are you a good enough football player to be under control?
[13:26]
James Acaster
No, it was just like every time. Yeah. It just happened to be that I was like panicking and like I can't control. Yeah. A lobby broker. Every time. It's like, with all due respect, I've stopped doing that.
[13:38]
Ed Gamble
He's someone else that we've, we've not had. That would definitely be great.
[13:42]
James Acaster
Come on. Absolutely. We're get, get, get the booker for Brooker.
[13:47]
Ed Gamble
You got a booker?
[13:47]
Josh Whittaker
The Brooker.
[13:48]
James Acaster
Now before we get into your food choices, Josh, why don't you tell us about. Not my cup of tea.
[13:53]
Josh Whittaker
Oh, yes. I'm on tour.
[13:54]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, I'm back. You're back. When was the last tour?
[13:57]
Josh Whittaker
Wait, it straddles Covid so it's 2019 to 2021.
[14:02]
James Acaster
That's a huge tour.
[14:03]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[14:03]
Josh Whittaker
That wasn't as huge. It sounds like a huge tour, but there was a huge, huge gap in the middle.
[14:08]
James Acaster
This guy loves them.
[14:09]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[14:09]
James Acaster
That's relentless.
[14:10]
Ed Gamble
Josh, the only comedian who insisted on touring throughout lockdown.
[14:13]
James Acaster
Yeah, I know. You were mostly allowed Russell, Howard and Josh like ships in the night, touring.
[14:20]
Josh Whittaker
The world, bringing happiness.
[14:23]
Ed Gamble
You just go to the empty theaters, wouldn't you? Just to soak in the atmosphere.
[14:25]
Josh Whittaker
And to be honest, in the second half of the tour, I still go to quite empty theaters.
[14:32]
James Acaster
This is why we finally had you on the podcast, because you finally named a tour after a drink.
[14:36]
Ed Gamble
Yes, exactly. Yeah.
[14:37]
James Acaster
So we're like, oh, this guy actually gets it.
[14:39]
Josh Whittaker
I get it, I get it. Yeah. I love tea.
[14:41]
James Acaster
You do love tea.
[14:42]
Josh Whittaker
I love tea.
[14:44]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[14:44]
Josh Whittaker
I've got. And it's got out of control actually. But I realized I named the tour and I couldn't come up with any stand up about tea. I've been really trying.
[14:53]
Ed Gamble
Well, you're talking to Mr. Lasagna over here.
[14:59]
James Acaster
Yeah, trust me, mate, they don't know. Well, no one's looking at the title.
[15:03]
Josh Whittaker
No, they're not.
[15:03]
Ed Gamble
My current show is called Hot Diggity Dog. Not one mention of hot dogs.
[15:06]
Josh Whittaker
Not one mention of hot dogs.
[15:07]
James Acaster
That's the rule. It's the comedy rule.
[15:09]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[15:10]
James Acaster
If you put a food or a drink in your show title.
[15:14]
Josh Whittaker
I was thinking of drinking a tea on stage.
[15:17]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[15:18]
Josh Whittaker
But I don't know, it's quite late in the evening.
[15:23]
Ed Gamble
Well, you could drink, you could drink a decaffeinated tea.
[15:25]
Josh Whittaker
I could drink a decaf. They're never going to know.
[15:27]
Ed Gamble
No, they're not going to know.
[15:28]
James Acaster
How long are you going to be drinking? Like it's going to go cold.
[15:32]
Josh Whittaker
It's going to be like the second half, I'm going to actually be a bit thirsty and there's going to be like a stewed cold tea or a flask.
[15:37]
Ed Gamble
Is it a case of a flask? Also, you definitely tell people it was decaffeinated. That's so, that's so in Persona to be like, don't worry everyone, it's decaffeinated.
[15:49]
Josh Whittaker
Well, you know about my problems with coffee. Do you know about my problems with coffee? So when I was at university I got, I really into coffee. Not in a way where you'd just like where you were knew about it. Not like Ellis James who's like grind his own beans. Just I drunk six cups a day maybe and then I was, I was throwing up Every morning. Okay.
[16:14]
Ed Gamble
I suspect this wasn't coffee based.
[16:16]
Josh Whittaker
No, it was. It was because then I cut out the caffeine.
[16:19]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[16:19]
Josh Whittaker
And now if I have a coffee, I have like such a high and then such like a comedown.
[16:25]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[16:26]
Josh Whittaker
Like if I had a coffee now in the afternoon, I'd think, why am I depressed?
[16:30]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[16:30]
Josh Whittaker
Oh, yeah, I had a coffee.
[16:31]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[16:32]
Josh Whittaker
It's like too much for me.
[16:33]
James Acaster
Wow, you're puking constantly.
[16:36]
Josh Whittaker
No, no, not anymore. Because I've stopped drinking as well. So I'm just cutting out all the things that make me puke.
[16:40]
James Acaster
Yeah. Yeah, that's clever.
[16:41]
Josh Whittaker
I'm a puke.
[16:42]
James Acaster
I haven't been to Subway in a while.
[16:44]
Josh Whittaker
I haven't been to Subway. Oh, that was another one. Yeah.
[16:45]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[16:46]
Josh Whittaker
But that was alcohol related in a way.
[16:48]
James Acaster
Sure.
[16:49]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah.
[16:49]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[16:49]
Josh Whittaker
Someone who made that mistake.
[16:50]
James Acaster
Yeah. A bit of both there. Stopped hanging out with Brooker.
[16:52]
Josh Whittaker
Stopped hanging out with Brooker because he makes me sick.
[16:55]
Ed Gamble
I love that everyone else's uni stories are like, I was boozing so much. I got really into drugs when I was at uni. You're like, I had a big coffee problem.
[17:02]
Josh Whittaker
I had a big old coffee.
[17:03]
James Acaster
Were you just having, like normal coffee to where you get having latte lattes all the time? 6.
[17:08]
Ed Gamble
A lot of milk as well.
[17:10]
Josh Whittaker
Milk.
[17:11]
James Acaster
A lot of milk. So much milk. Six of them a day.
[17:15]
Josh Whittaker
Maybe I was lactose intolerant. Looking back.
[17:17]
Ed Gamble
Well, there's milk in that tea.
[17:19]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah. But it's on a smaller scale because they do say, like, you can't drink. Is it if you try and drink a certain amount of milk. Is it four pints, you just. Your body rejects it.
[17:29]
James Acaster
You projectile vomiting.
[17:31]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, whatever.
[17:32]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[17:32]
Ed Gamble
We could try that at the end of the podcast today.
[17:34]
James Acaster
Yeah. A little bonus content for online people want to sign up for that. Well, that's very exciting. The new Josh Whitaker tour. And people will have to buy tickets to see if you do end up drinking tea on stage.
[17:44]
Josh Whittaker
Exactly. Buy your tickets. You know, I kind of get the thing. I don't. I mean, you guys have had to promote standup tours where you go. There's never anything to say except, this is me doing stand up. If you like me, you'll enjoy it. If you don't, you don't.
[17:59]
Ed Gamble
You just need to tell people it's happening.
[18:00]
Josh Whittaker
It's just happening.
[18:01]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah, it's happening.
[18:02]
Josh Whittaker
It's coming around the country next September to Christmas and then probably again afterwards.
[18:10]
Ed Gamble
I think the main thing to promote with stand up tours that go on sale a year in advance is buy your tickets. But then when it comes to next year, don't forget that it's on.
[18:17]
James Acaster
Yeah. Put a reminder. Yeah. In your phone that you're coming for this because.
[18:21]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[18:21]
James Acaster
Bumping to people all the time. And go, we had tickets to see you the next day. We were getting ready and then we looked at our phones and realized it was the day before. Oh, thank you.
[18:30]
Ed Gamble
Oh, cheers, thanks. Thanks for the money.
[18:32]
James Acaster
Yeah, thanks for the money, I guess.
[18:33]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah. When I was doing those Covid gigs.
[18:35]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[18:36]
Josh Whittaker
So I did Cardiff Rearranged on St. David's Day. Rearranged on St. David's day. Three years after it had gone on sale.
[18:44]
Ed Gamble
Oh, my God.
[18:45]
Josh Whittaker
Sold out. Less than half full.
[18:47]
Ed Gamble
Oh, my God.
[18:48]
James Acaster
Wow.
[18:48]
Josh Whittaker
Isn't that mad?
[18:49]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[18:49]
James Acaster
That is insane.
[18:50]
Josh Whittaker
It was also Pancake Day, but I can't imagine that's made that much of an impact. That can't have kept anyone away, can it?
[18:57]
James Acaster
Do you have any idea how rare it is that St. David's Day falls on Pancake Day in Wales? They would go insane.
[19:04]
Ed Gamble
Of course. Think of the themed pancakes they could be making.
[19:07]
James Acaster
Yeah. So many.
[19:08]
Josh Whittaker
Like, dragon shaped pancakes.
[19:09]
James Acaster
Yeah. Yeah. A rabbit pancake. Yeah.
[19:12]
Josh Whittaker
Rose cake pancakes.
[19:13]
James Acaster
Dare we mention leeks? They go crazy. Yeah. There's no way they would have come to your gig. They're full of S. David J Pancakes.
[19:23]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. They're all puking because they've had so many pancakes.
[19:28]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah.
[19:28]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[19:29]
James Acaster
Too much milk.
[19:30]
Ed Gamble
Eight pints of milk through pancakes.
[19:35]
James Acaster
Still a sparkling water.
[19:36]
Josh Whittaker
Josh, sparkling water, please.
[19:38]
James Acaster
I. I wouldn't have predicted this.
[19:39]
Ed Gamble
No, me neither.
[19:41]
Josh Whittaker
Get ready for the ride.
[19:43]
Ed Gamble
Okay.
[19:44]
Josh Whittaker
Because maybe I'm not the person you think I am.
[19:46]
James Acaster
Well, already I'm thinking, who is this guy?
[19:49]
Josh Whittaker
I love sparkling.
[19:50]
James Acaster
Wow.
[19:50]
Josh Whittaker
I've got a thing at home so that you can have sparkling water without the guilt of the plastics.
[19:57]
James Acaster
Right.
[19:58]
Josh Whittaker
It's not a soda stream.
[19:59]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[20:00]
Josh Whittaker
Just to be clear.
[20:01]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[20:01]
Josh Whittaker
Before my tour gets picketed.
[20:03]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[20:06]
Josh Whittaker
It's a different make of the same thing.
[20:08]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. A water carbonator.
[20:10]
Josh Whittaker
A water carbonator, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's difficult, isn't it, because there is a brand name.
[20:15]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[20:15]
Josh Whittaker
It's like Hoover, isn't it? But, yeah, I've got a water carbonator. So I'm probably knocking out liter and a half of fizzy water a day.
[20:22]
James Acaster
Wow.
[20:23]
Ed Gamble
Is it first thing in the morning? Is that how you hydrate when you wake up?
[20:26]
Josh Whittaker
No, I don't really hydrate when I wake up.
[20:28]
Ed Gamble
When are you having your first sip of water?
[20:30]
Josh Whittaker
So I start the day with tea.
[20:32]
James Acaster
Yeah, okay.
[20:33]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, obviously, obviously. And then I'm probably on four or five teas by lunchtime.
[20:39]
James Acaster
Wow. Wow, this guy.
[20:42]
Josh Whittaker
Is that too many, do you think?
[20:43]
Ed Gamble
It's a lot? Yeah, I would say. Where have you got the time to do that?
[20:47]
Josh Whittaker
Well, they don't just sit and drink.
[20:49]
Ed Gamble
The tea, but you're constantly, like, doing stuff, having tea at the same time.
[20:52]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can multitask like this.
[20:55]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[20:55]
Ed Gamble
There you go.
[20:56]
Josh Whittaker
When I got here and Ben offered me a tea, I didn't say, well, yeah, but we should start the podcast.
[21:03]
Ed Gamble
You know, I can't do anything while I have my tea.
[21:05]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, yeah.
[21:06]
James Acaster
I remember in the early days of us on the open mic circuit and we would meet up at each other's houses and try and write stuff and work on our material. You would be chaining the cups of tea.
[21:15]
Josh Whittaker
Chaining the tea.
[21:16]
James Acaster
And I remember you saying to me once how you absolutely love it the more teas you have because the mug is getting stained with the previous tea and it's all building up and you're getting like. It's like each cup of tea is taking on the remnants of the tea before it.
[21:31]
Josh Whittaker
I've got no memory of this.
[21:33]
James Acaster
I remember you saying, I love it because, like, look like, you know, now it's got, like. You can see how the mug's getting just dirty as the day goes on with all the tea.
[21:40]
Ed Gamble
And it's like the history of the previous cups of tea.
[21:43]
Josh Whittaker
Like cutting a tree and seeing the rings. You can see how many cups you've had for rings of tea.
[21:49]
James Acaster
Yeah, it was a popcorn. Oh, wow.
[21:51]
Josh Whittaker
But I now drink water in turns with my tea because otherwise you're not enjoying the tea.
[21:57]
Ed Gamble
Oh, so you drink water not for a, like, hydrating purpose.
[22:00]
Josh Whittaker
No, no, I do. I like to hydrate. I'm big on hydration.
[22:03]
Ed Gamble
Tea tea's hydrating you as well, right?
[22:04]
Josh Whittaker
I don't think it is, is it? I don't. I still don't know what the truth is of that.
[22:08]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, Well, I hear this about coffee as well. Don't drink coffee. It dehydrates. It's like it's got water in it. Of course it doesn't.
[22:13]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah. It's not. The sea is.
[22:15]
Ed Gamble
No.
[22:16]
Josh Whittaker
Well, it's not like he's got water in it.
[22:18]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah.
[22:18]
James Acaster
So, yeah, that doesn't make sense.
[22:22]
Josh Whittaker
But what I mean is, I love fizzy water. So if I go out for dinner, I'll have a big bottle of fizzy water.
[22:29]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[22:30]
Josh Whittaker
Lunch, Big bottle of fizzy water. It's a good way of getting your water in, but normal water's boring.
[22:35]
Ed Gamble
See, the thing is. But I could imagine if I was doing like an AI Josh Whittaker, stand up set, like in my head, I could imagine you doing a bit.
[22:42]
Josh Whittaker
That's essentially what I'll be doing from next September.
[22:46]
Ed Gamble
I could imagine you having a routine, talking about people who like sparkling water and getting ang. Angry at them.
[22:51]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, yeah. Well, don't rule it out.
[22:53]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[22:55]
Josh Whittaker
Anything that works.
[22:57]
James Acaster
They said to me, do you want sparkling water? I said, no, because I'm not living la vida loca.
[23:02]
Josh Whittaker
I should have brought Pen.
[23:05]
James Acaster
It'd be great.
[23:06]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah. But I am fun.
[23:09]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[23:10]
Ed Gamble
And you're saying the sparkling water proves that you're fun.
[23:14]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, yeah. I know how to have a laugh.
[23:18]
Ed Gamble
Sparkling water it is.
[23:20]
James Acaster
People surprised. When you go out for meals and you order the sparkling, people look at you differently and go, whoa, I didn't think you'd.
[23:25]
Josh Whittaker
We got a fun guy in town.
[23:27]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[23:28]
Josh Whittaker
I don't think I. I didn't realize it was such a statement.
[23:31]
James Acaster
Yeah, it's mad. Doesn't add up with you at all.
[23:34]
Josh Whittaker
Well, wait till you hear my menu. But it'll come to it. But like, I just think it's. It's more fun. It's quite exciting. You can't have too much. Like, it's quite thrilling to try and beat the bubbles.
[23:47]
James Acaster
What?
[23:47]
Ed Gamble
Talk us through it.
[23:48]
Josh Whittaker
Just see how long you can go drinking sparkling water from bottle.
[23:51]
Ed Gamble
Beat the bubbles.
[23:51]
Josh Whittaker
Beat the bubbles.
[23:52]
Ed Gamble
Michael McIntyre's the Wheel is a wonderful show, but I think when that, you know, naturally fades away, I think Josh Riddick's Beat the Bubbles. Beat the Bubbles is next in line.
[24:01]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah. Each step is in a bubble, like one of those big, you know, orbs. Yeah. You're all racing to the answer. There's all the answers are written on the floor and you gotta like, yeah, hamster. Wheel it over to the right answer.
[24:14]
Josh Whittaker
I think Beat the Bubbles. As a round where you've got fizzy water, it'd be like who Wants to Be a Millionaire?
[24:21]
James Acaster
Right. Yeah.
[24:22]
Josh Whittaker
So the first round is a 1 second press on your carbonator up to a 15 second press and each time you have to down a pint of it. Can you deal with the pain?
[24:33]
James Acaster
The pain? Yeah, yeah. Beat the bubbles.
[24:36]
Josh Whittaker
Beat the bubbles.
[24:36]
Ed Gamble
I think James idea has more longevity as a shiny floor entertainment show than people chugging. Yeah.
[24:41]
Josh Whittaker
But that's the thing with James. He's a populist.
[24:43]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[24:46]
James Acaster
Mine's hosted by Bubble From Big Brother.
[24:48]
Josh Whittaker
Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course. When he ran into the sofa.
[24:52]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. Best moment, Best TV moment of all time.
[24:55]
James Acaster
I forgot that. What? Run me through it.
[24:57]
Josh Whittaker
He's called to the garden for some reason.
[24:58]
Ed Gamble
There was like a task where there was like an alarm thing where they all had to go and line up in the garden or something and the alarm went off and he was like. And like, panicked and ran top speed, but his thigh hit the sofa and he basically did an immediate full flip.
[25:14]
Josh Whittaker
Pop dubs off bread.
[25:15]
James Acaster
Pop dubs off bread. Josh Whittaker.
[25:16]
Josh Whittaker
Pop dubs off bread. Bread pobadoms.
[25:18]
James Acaster
Interesting.
[25:19]
Josh Whittaker
100%.
[25:20]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[25:20]
James Acaster
Love it.
[25:20]
Josh Whittaker
I have got an AI routine about bread in restaurants. Of course I have an AI Widdicum routine. But I think it fills you up too much. Yeah, I love it, but it fills you up too much.
[25:36]
Ed Gamble
People say this about sparkling water, though. You know as well what people say sparkling water fills you up too much.
[25:42]
Josh Whittaker
Who says that?
[25:43]
Ed Gamble
We've had loads of people say that.
[25:44]
Josh Whittaker
It's the air. It's just extra air.
[25:46]
James Acaster
Believe me, we've heard every take on sparkling water there is.
[25:51]
Josh Whittaker
You have not beat the bubbles till today. I'll be honest, I've not said it until I enter this room.
[25:57]
James Acaster
We've never heard beat the bubbles before, but we've heard a lot of people say it fills them up.
[26:02]
Josh Whittaker
Fills them up, yeah.
[26:03]
Ed Gamble
Bread. I understand more, of course, that.
[26:05]
James Acaster
Of course.
[26:05]
Ed Gamble
Of course that fills you up. But I, you know, personally, I just love bread, so I'm happy for it to fill me up.
[26:10]
Josh Whittaker
I love bread, but that's the problem. I'll ask for more bread because it's so good. Yeah, yeah. So it's. It's. I. I love it. It's the best bit.
[26:19]
Ed Gamble
But you love it too much.
[26:21]
Josh Whittaker
I love it too much. Yeah, yeah.
[26:23]
Ed Gamble
So you're picking your second favorite out of papadoms or bread?
[26:26]
Josh Whittaker
No, I love papadoms as well.
[26:27]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[26:28]
Josh Whittaker
Papadoms are incredible. I like M and S mini papadoms as well.
[26:31]
James Acaster
Yes, absolutely. Love them.
[26:33]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah.
[26:33]
James Acaster
Do you like the sensations? Papadoms, lime and coriander ones?
[26:37]
Josh Whittaker
No. O. I like a plain poppadom. So when I was more than Josh.
[26:41]
James Acaster
Would have come, I was expecting little boy who was in the water course.
[26:49]
Josh Whittaker
So when I was a kid, my first, I didn't really realize that poppadoms were good for the first maybe 13 years of my life because we used to get papadoms from the supermarket, which were spicy poppadoms that my dad would put under the. I Think they'd be like. You'd grill them. Yeah. And they were crap.
[27:10]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[27:10]
Josh Whittaker
So that's what I thought poppadoms were for years. I don't know. Are they still available? Are they like charwoods?
[27:15]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, I think so. You can buy charwoods, things like that.
[27:17]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah, sure. I'm familiar with the brand.
[27:19]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah.
[27:20]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[27:20]
Josh Whittaker
I don't know why I'm so insistent on all the different brands.
[27:23]
James Acaster
But you wouldn't mention your water carbonator brand, but. Oh, sorry. There you go.
[27:30]
Josh Whittaker
I was worried about the pronunciation.
[27:32]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[27:33]
Josh Whittaker
Is it arca?
[27:34]
Ed Gamble
I've never heard of them. No. No.
[27:36]
James Acaster
So your Charwood's papadums didn't like them.
[27:38]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah. But now I just love a papadon from a restaurant. I adore it. I think it's the best bit. John Robbins, he. He won't have papadoms with a curry because he feels it fills him up.
[27:48]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[27:49]
Josh Whittaker
Which I'm sure you know, but that does my head in.
[27:52]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[27:52]
James Acaster
We won't have rice either. I don't have rice. Yeah. I've kind of copied that from him and I hate it because the first time he brought that up I really like made fun of him for it.
[28:02]
Josh Whittaker
But he's such a waste.
[28:04]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[28:05]
Ed Gamble
No, I completely agree with the. I don't. I don't go for rice. But poppadoms, they're not. Who. Who are they filling up exactly?
[28:10]
Josh Whittaker
Well, I said the same about sparkling water, but apparently, you know, Miriam Margulies and Steve Coog filled up by it.
[28:17]
James Acaster
Is there a particular restaurant you've had the best papadoms at that you go one of those ones.
[28:22]
Josh Whittaker
I don't like it when they go off the normal. So if you go to a.
[28:30]
James Acaster
No, go on. You don't like it when they go off the normal.
[28:33]
Josh Whittaker
So if you go to a pretentious Indian restaurant that is good. I don't mean pretentious. That's the wrong way of saying it because I go to these places because they're nice. But you go to an Indian restaurant that thinks it's more than your average Indian restaurant, like a high end.
[28:47]
Ed Gamble
High end.
[28:48]
Josh Whittaker
Like your dishooms or your crickets.
[28:50]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[28:51]
Josh Whittaker
They don't do popadoms. They'll do a different type of, kind of similar thing and I just think that's a shame.
[28:58]
Ed Gamble
But you like the straight up, plain sort of British Indian curry house. Exactly, yeah.
[29:04]
Josh Whittaker
The kind you get.
[29:05]
Ed Gamble
90S poppadoms.
[29:06]
Josh Whittaker
90S poppadoms. I'm on Brick Lane. I'm in Birmingham.
[29:10]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[29:11]
Josh Whittaker
I'm in the Eastern Eye in Newton Abbot, maybe in Devon.
[29:14]
James Acaster
Not even going for the Curry Mile on man. Manchester, where you.
[29:17]
Josh Whittaker
The Curry Mile.
[29:17]
James Acaster
Yeah. Surely you've had many there. You went to uni there.
[29:21]
Josh Whittaker
It was always a bit expensive for me.
[29:23]
James Acaster
Oh, yeah, you were too. I knew you were permanently awake, though. If you could have gone out.
[29:28]
Josh Whittaker
The money I was pumping out on lattes was. I wasn't pumping out a tenner a day on lattes.
[29:33]
Ed Gamble
What's the point of having a nice dinner if you're just going to throw it up the next morning, drink your.
[29:37]
James Acaster
Body weight in milk? There's no way you're gonna lay a curry on.
[29:40]
Josh Whittaker
I won't be having a lassie, I tell you that.
[29:43]
Ed Gamble
Lassie in a corner, please. Yeah, Lussy.
[29:47]
Josh Whittaker
Sorry, sorry, sorry. But yeah, I like a classic, you know, British Indian restaurant, Poppadom, in the classic manner with the dips. Yogurt. You won best.
[29:57]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[29:58]
Josh Whittaker
I entertain the other two, but really, I don't care.
[30:02]
James Acaster
The yogurt. Y one's. That's your top.
[30:04]
Josh Whittaker
The yogurty one's just the best one. Obviously.
[30:06]
Ed Gamble
Why do you entertain the other two? Is it so the yogurt doesn't get ideas above its station?
[30:13]
Josh Whittaker
You gotta keep it on its toes?
[30:14]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[30:16]
Josh Whittaker
No, because I like to think that I. I'm not just eating yogurt every time. So I'll go in the other two just to convince myself that I'm.
[30:24]
Ed Gamble
You're mixing it up.
[30:25]
Josh Whittaker
I'm mixing it up.
[30:25]
James Acaster
What are the other two?
[30:26]
Josh Whittaker
Lime pickle and mango chutney.
[30:28]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[30:29]
Josh Whittaker
And I'm not into the raw. Raw onion.
[30:32]
Ed Gamble
I love the raw onion.
[30:33]
Josh Whittaker
Do you?
[30:34]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, I love the raw onion.
[30:35]
James Acaster
I shouldn't surprise you. Is that gas?
[30:36]
Josh Whittaker
Why do you love the raw onion?
[30:38]
Ed Gamble
Well, so mango chutney, I feel is too sweet. So if I put. If I put the onion on top, it cuts through the sweetness a bit. So it's.
[30:45]
Josh Whittaker
Why don't you just not have it?
[30:46]
Ed Gamble
Well, because I quite like it. With the onion. With the onion. I think it's perfect. A bit of, you know, I'm putting all the different dips on, trying, you know, mixing it up. I'm like a DJ of dips. You are a DJ of dips. And the poppy's my vinyl.
[31:00]
James Acaster
I don't know.
[31:02]
Josh Whittaker
Let's not rule that out for your next tour poster.
[31:04]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. Me mixing. Mixing a poppadom deck.
[31:08]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, I do.
[31:09]
James Acaster
But. What?
[31:10]
Josh Whittaker
It'll. It'll be that, but it'll look. Be photoed so.
[31:12]
James Acaster
Well.
[31:12]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, like your Posters are. The photograph will be done with such high standard but it'll actually. You'll get. Get away with it.
[31:18]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[31:18]
Ed Gamble
Then we put it on the tube. I have to replace the poppadom with a bit of lettuce.
[31:21]
James Acaster
Yeah. Then you'll have a debate if popadom's a junk food or not. Yeah.
[31:25]
Ed Gamble
So you want a pile of. A pile of poppadoms to arrive.
[31:28]
Josh Whittaker
I've got an issue with a pile of poppadoms, please. Interesting in your publicity photo where you're sat with the poppadoms.
[31:36]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[31:37]
Josh Whittaker
I think it's a shame that their shop bought papadoms rather than from a takeaway.
[31:41]
James Acaster
Yeah. Real shame. Yeah.
[31:44]
Josh Whittaker
It just annoys me.
[31:45]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[31:45]
Josh Whittaker
Because I don't think that's the question you're asking. The breads are a lovely rack and then you clearly just bought some popping on from a supermarket.
[31:53]
Ed Gamble
Well, the bread probably came from the same shop to be fair.
[31:55]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah. They probably anyway bread then pop them.
[31:58]
Josh Whittaker
Sorry.
[31:58]
James Acaster
So you would have rather. It was like we got it from a curry house.
[32:02]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah.
[32:02]
James Acaster
And you can tell they're not uniform.
[32:04]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah.
[32:05]
James Acaster
And we've got some proper delicious looking pop. So you, you look at those ones and think, I bet they don't taste nice.
[32:10]
Josh Whittaker
Well it's not a decision that I would go bread in that situation if that's the actual option.
[32:13]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. But no, those are. It's not the options. When we say to you popadoms are bread. It's not the specific ones from our publicity.
[32:20]
James Acaster
Yeah. Just so you know, when you saw that poster, did you go, well I wouldn't go and see that show.
[32:29]
Josh Whittaker
I know I went through with it.
[32:31]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[32:31]
Ed Gamble
To be fair. Stuck to his guns.
[32:35]
Josh Whittaker
Stuck to my guns. But when you do DJ dips.
[32:38]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[32:38]
Josh Whittaker
2028 tour.
[32:39]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah.
[32:40]
Josh Whittaker
Make sure it's a good papa don't come watch it.
[32:41]
Ed Gamble
Absolutely, absolutely. I'm gonna make sure of it.
[32:44]
James Acaster
So you don't want the. You do want to pass of papadoms, but obviously from a curry house.
[32:48]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, yeah.
[32:48]
James Acaster
From a curry house with mainly yoghurt dip.
[32:51]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah.
[32:51]
James Acaster
And the other two just to.
[32:53]
Josh Whittaker
Just to feel like I'm not boring.
[32:54]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[32:57]
Josh Whittaker
My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big roas man.
[33:04]
James Acaster
Then he told everyone how much he.
[33:06]
Josh Whittaker
Loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laugh at me to this day.
[33:11]
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[33:28]
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[33:58]
James Acaster
Let's get into your dream starter.
[34:00]
Josh Whittaker
Okay, so. Oh, do I need to be silent there?
[34:03]
James Acaster
No, no. Are you being silent for the sound effect? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[34:07]
Ed Gamble
We don't play them in live, so.
[34:09]
Josh Whittaker
No, no, no, no, no.
[34:10]
James Acaster
But I know that your producer makes you do that.
[34:17]
Josh Whittaker
I thought I got told to be silent on this sparkling water.
[34:20]
James Acaster
No, did you? Oh, yeah. We were raging ahead, but we're keeping all this in.
[34:28]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[34:29]
James Acaster
Because mainly what we want to do on this is make out that we're more professional than you.
[34:34]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah.
[34:34]
James Acaster
So that we can, like. You will lose listeners.
[34:36]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, yeah.
[34:37]
James Acaster
Unpavited. Hell, yeah.
[34:38]
Josh Whittaker
Phone.
[34:39]
James Acaster
Climb my way up the.
[34:39]
Ed Gamble
Because you have to pause in your sound effects of, like, a nappy being changed and. Exactly.
[34:43]
James Acaster
Yeah. The baby crying.
[34:44]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah.
[34:45]
James Acaster
And someone breastfeeding.
[34:47]
Josh Whittaker
I've never listened to it, so I don't know. You've never listened to this?
[34:52]
James Acaster
Not really. I, I, I've listened to two or three episodes over the years where, well.
[34:56]
Josh Whittaker
I'm like, you listen to the Graham Cox one. I found it very disappointing.
[35:01]
James Acaster
I wish I would have got asked some more pertinent questions. I think it's Graham Cox. And every time I have Natty Goreng now.
[35:08]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[35:08]
James Acaster
Because he chose that. And he spoke about it so nicely, about his dad. And every time I have it, I think about Graham.
[35:13]
Josh Whittaker
I think about him once every hour.
[35:16]
Ed Gamble
Whenever you're listening to Blur, basically.
[35:18]
James Acaster
We mentioned you to him.
[35:19]
Josh Whittaker
I know. Yeah.
[35:20]
James Acaster
You didn't say who.
[35:21]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, no, no, no. I've met him.
[35:23]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[35:23]
Josh Whittaker
I've met him on a couple of occasions. He described Keith Richard's fingers to me as looking like knickknacks.
[35:30]
James Acaster
Where was that food Chef?
[35:32]
Ed Gamble
That's absolute gold.
[35:34]
Josh Whittaker
I'm having the wrong conversation with him.
[35:37]
James Acaster
So your dream starter, Josh, I tell.
[35:38]
Josh Whittaker
You what it is to use a football analogy. Sorry, Ed.
[35:42]
James Acaster
Oh, wow. Okay. I'm gonna be on this.
[35:45]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, yeah. It's. It's a difficult situation. England have got it. Occasionally where you've got. You've got to fit the players in, but there's people that overlap. So you're playing something out of position.
[35:54]
Ed Gamble
Right.
[35:54]
Josh Whittaker
You're playing someone out of position to get them in the team.
[35:56]
Ed Gamble
So I'm on tour with Chloe pets. I'm well aware that this is happening right now with the Euro squad.
[36:01]
James Acaster
You're making out your playing Chloe out of position.
[36:04]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[36:04]
Josh Whittaker
She should be headlining.
[36:05]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That doesn't make any sense.
[36:07]
Ed Gamble
Some nights she's playing out of position.
[36:10]
Josh Whittaker
So I wanted to fit this in, so I've. I've had to put it here.
[36:14]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[36:15]
Josh Whittaker
As a starter. And this does undermine not going for bread.
[36:19]
James Acaster
Okay.
[36:20]
Josh Whittaker
I want toast.
[36:25]
James Acaster
It does undermine.
[36:26]
Ed Gamble
It does undermine it.
[36:28]
Josh Whittaker
But now I'm glad I haven't filled up on bread because you.
[36:31]
Ed Gamble
You've got bread to it.
[36:31]
James Acaster
Did you not think you could have had toast as your popadoms or bread course?
[36:34]
Josh Whittaker
Well, it's popdoms or bread. If you go to a restaurant, they said, do you want bread? You can't say, can have toast.
[36:39]
Ed Gamble
I love, I love. Of all the guests, of course, Josh is the one who's absolutely the one who's gonna refuse to engage with the dream element of the restaurant.
[36:47]
James Acaster
Dream. It's a dream restaurant. I'm a genie. You can do whatever you like. It's your dream meal. You could have had.
[36:52]
Josh Whittaker
Well, then, could you say, pop a doms of bread? I'll have a chili. You can't say that.
[36:57]
James Acaster
But that doesn't really. But how can you do TL toast? Toast is more like bread than chili is.
[37:03]
Josh Whittaker
Well, yeah, I see the argument, but it's. I still think they're both not bread.
[37:08]
Ed Gamble
But then in what real world are you going to a restaurant and they've got toast as a starter?
[37:12]
Josh Whittaker
Well, it's dream restaurant.
[37:14]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, good point. Actually.
[37:15]
James Acaster
Sorry, I think this is hard work trying to. Doing a show called Hypothetical Women.
[37:20]
Josh Whittaker
Right. I just. I love toast.
[37:23]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[37:23]
Josh Whittaker
I adore it. It's just. It's the best thing in the world. World. So I did a, like a diet where you're like doing your macros. Right. And all day all I do. Because you'd have to vlog your thing on your phone. And all day all I do was leave enough so that I could have a slice of toast as a treat at the end of the day. That's all I thought about was my slice of toast, butter and Marmite at the end of the day.
[37:50]
Ed Gamble
So that's. Is that what you want in the.
[37:52]
Josh Whittaker
Dream recipe, what I tend to have is toast. And you might. I know you don't think I'm fun, but wait till you hear this. Two slices, one with Marmite as my main and one with marmalade as my pudding.
[38:02]
James Acaster
I can't slug that off. I think I've said something similar on the podcast.
[38:04]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah, I think you have.
[38:05]
James Acaster
So, yeah, I've done the triple of, like, butter, Marmite, marmalade.
[38:12]
Josh Whittaker
Oh, please, inject it into my veins. I want to enjoy it through my mouth.
[38:19]
James Acaster
Yeah. And I do get it. It is nice.
[38:21]
Josh Whittaker
It is so good. Toast. I think there's obviously, because I know you guys like the kind of. What does this mean to you? Obviously, there's a nostalgic, there's a deeper.
[38:31]
James Acaster
I'll give you this. I know you guys like it.
[38:33]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah. I know you like this kind of shit. I heard you trying to get Coxon to talk about his tacos on my main chamber.
[38:41]
James Acaster
What does toast mean to you?
[38:43]
Josh Whittaker
Well, no, it's just. There's a homeliness to it, isn't there? There's a feeling of safety, there's a feeling of security, of being at home. Home. I love it.
[38:51]
Ed Gamble
And routine as well, I think.
[38:52]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah.
[38:53]
Ed Gamble
If you grow up having toast before school or whatever. Oh, whenever I have toast now, I just feel like.
[38:57]
Josh Whittaker
And I don't have it for breakfast now because it's not a great start to the day, energy wise. So toast has now moved into my treat section of my life.
[39:07]
Ed Gamble
And the treat will be in the evening. I know we've covered that. The treat will be in the evening. Will it? And it will be toast.
[39:16]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah, it will be toast.
[39:17]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah. It'll be like, should I have a slice of toast at quarter past ten while I.
[39:22]
Ed Gamble
Kids are gone to bed.
[39:23]
Josh Whittaker
Kids are gone to bed. I might tidy up the kitchen, listen to the newsagents with Emily Maitlis and have a slice of toast.
[39:29]
Ed Gamble
Sticking your head around the door to your wife going, should we have a slice of toast?
[39:33]
Josh Whittaker
She doesn't even want a slice of toast. She's having dark chocolate buttons.
[39:36]
James Acaster
Wow, you've married quite the renegade. Toast. There was a biopic of Nigel Slater. Yeah. His book, it's just called Toast. There's the bit when he makes toast for the first time. It's basically like, you know, his first bit of what he sees as cook cooking.
[39:51]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah.
[39:51]
James Acaster
And it's filmed really beautifully from, like inside the grill and the toast going in and it shows the butter melting on the toast and that, like, I'd Say, renewed my love for toast. That's when I started doing the free courses thing. And I was like, that is delicious. That is so good.
[40:07]
Ed Gamble
I get through if I have toast. I just can't. I can't stop. Like. Yeah. Especially when I was like. When I was a big fat kid, used to go over to friends houses and their mums were not. They were under no sort of. James is laughing. Imagine me being a big fat kid.
[40:21]
James Acaster
I always think it's funny because they.
[40:23]
Ed Gamble
Don'T have to restrict you when someone else's kid, they just, like, keep making your toast. I'm like, I could go through a life.
[40:28]
Josh Whittaker
I had a situation. My friend, his mum made us. I remember having eight slices of white toast on the agar. Real clash of cultures there. Loved it in a row. And we were still going. And she was like, you guys, like a barman. You've had enough.
[40:45]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. This toast in the dream restaurant.
[40:47]
Josh Whittaker
White bread, bread, granary, I think. Yeah, granary. I respect that and I want to cut it myself. I've had enough of going to somewhere I'll name a shame, Gail's, and them saying, do you want it sliced? Because I just don't. It's too thin. And if I'm gonna spend more than I should on bread, yeah, I at least want to slice it. I don't want to get sliced bread, so.
[41:12]
Ed Gamble
But you're annoyed at Gail's for offering you the option.
[41:14]
Josh Whittaker
Option, yeah.
[41:15]
Ed Gamble
Even though they're not doing it and then giving it to you and you're like, I didn't want to.
[41:18]
Josh Whittaker
Just don't think it should even be an option.
[41:20]
Ed Gamble
I always get my bread sliced.
[41:22]
Josh Whittaker
What?
[41:22]
Ed Gamble
Why? Because it means that I can have a couple of slices of it and I don't feel awful afterwards. Whereas if I'm cutting it myself, I'm cutting doorstep thick slices.
[41:31]
James Acaster
Yeah. I'm not very good at doing them uniform.
[41:33]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, you don't need to do them uniform.
[41:34]
James Acaster
Live a little with a wedge shape.
[41:38]
Josh Whittaker
Just enjoy the difference of life. Look, you two are different. Different. We still like you.
[41:43]
Ed Gamble
We're different slices.
[41:44]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, you're different slices. There's a doorstep and there's a wedge.
[41:50]
James Acaster
I'll take that off the doorstep.
[41:52]
Ed Gamble
For the listener, the doorstep and the wedge.
[41:54]
James Acaster
Wedge gamble. Do you want to slice it? How thick are you slicing it, then? I thought we were about to move on from this, but actually there's a lot more to take.
[42:05]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, we actually haven't got into the nitty.
[42:06]
Josh Whittaker
Griffin, would you like to go thick, please?
[42:08]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah. How many Centimeters. We're talking.
[42:10]
Josh Whittaker
Oh, well. What?
[42:11]
James Acaster
It's got to fit in the toaster.
[42:13]
Josh Whittaker
It's got to fit in the toaster.
[42:14]
James Acaster
What? You don't know what a centimeter is?
[42:16]
Ed Gamble
Right, Sorry. That buried the lead there.
[42:18]
James Acaster
Yeah. Josh Whitaker doesn't know what a centimeter is.
[42:23]
Josh Whittaker
All right, what's a sliced piece of toast? One centimeter.
[42:27]
James Acaster
No, it'd be less than a centimeter. A slice of toast.
[42:29]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. Maybe slightly less.
[42:31]
Josh Whittaker
Okay, then probably 1.3 centimeters.
[42:33]
Ed Gamble
Okay, so you're not going big. Like, probably. It's got to fit in the toast.
[42:37]
Josh Whittaker
But I do. With sandwiches, I have a big thing about ratios. I think the filling has come to dominate sandwiches in a way that I think is unhealthy.
[42:47]
Ed Gamble
So, hang on. You don't like the filling?
[42:49]
Josh Whittaker
No, I like. I like.
[42:50]
Ed Gamble
You're the only person.
[42:51]
Josh Whittaker
It's more like you'd imagine me, isn't it?
[42:54]
James Acaster
This is absolutely perfect.
[42:56]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[42:57]
James Acaster
In my head, I'm just seeing us climbing the chairs. We got him. We absolutely got him. Just let him talk. Yeah. You don't fill it in a sandwich.
[43:07]
Josh Whittaker
I don't like the filling of the sandwich. The bread's the best bit.
[43:11]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[43:12]
Josh Whittaker
I hate it when there's too much filling. When there's a thick, gelatinous cheese.
[43:17]
Ed Gamble
Delicious.
[43:17]
Josh Whittaker
It's awful. Like, I just stick into your mouth and the bread. It's all about the bread for me.
[43:23]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[43:24]
Ed Gamble
Look, bread is, of course, important in a sandwich, but.
[43:26]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, I'm glad you've.
[43:27]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, of course. I'm willing to admit that. But I love how big of you. So would you. So your dream sandwich is just like butter and Marmite or whatever My dream.
[43:37]
Josh Whittaker
Sandwich would probably be.
[43:39]
Ed Gamble
That's a different podcast.
[43:40]
Josh Whittaker
That's a different podcast.
[43:42]
James Acaster
Off sandwich.
[43:43]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, that's Off Sandwich.
[43:44]
Josh Whittaker
Off sandwich.
[43:45]
James Acaster
Part of our franchise.
[43:47]
Ed Gamble
Part of your franchise.
[43:48]
Josh Whittaker
I'd love you to start franchising it. My dream sandwich is butter and salmon squares.
[43:59]
Ed Gamble
Glad I asked that question.
[44:01]
James Acaster
Had it to go. Didn't even have to think about it. Knew what it was. Salt and vinegar squares with a sandwich. Are you doing it with salt and vinegar squares? Because you can fit them perfectly into the sandwich.
[44:12]
Josh Whittaker
No, I'm not, but that is a bonus.
[44:14]
James Acaster
Yeah, I imagine. Also, they're not overlapping, these salt and vinegar squares.
[44:18]
Josh Whittaker
No, actually, I don't mind a little bit of overlap. Like, when I do my. I take that over the fear that there'll be a bit where they're not overlapping. Like when you do cheese on cheese on toast.
[44:27]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[44:28]
Ed Gamble
You don't Want to gap.
[44:29]
Josh Whittaker
You don't want a gap. I'd rather a bit of overlap than a gap.
[44:31]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah. You'd rather an overlap on cheese on toast where one bit hasn't necessarily melted as much as the others.
[44:37]
Josh Whittaker
Yes.
[44:37]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there's an overlap.
[44:39]
Josh Whittaker
Don't get me started on people who grate cheese on toast.
[44:43]
Ed Gamble
I think we're gonna. If we get you started on every single issue.
[44:46]
Josh Whittaker
Sorry.
[44:46]
Ed Gamble
We are gonna be here for eight hours.
[44:55]
James Acaster
Well, let's go to a dream main course, because that's the very Josh Whitaker and.
[44:59]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[45:00]
James Acaster
Sounded delicious.
[45:01]
Josh Whittaker
Franco Manka pizza number five. No anchovy, but with chilies instead.
[45:06]
Ed Gamble
I think we both knew this was coming, didn't we?
[45:08]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[45:08]
Josh Whittaker
Love it.
[45:09]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[45:09]
Josh Whittaker
You love it.
[45:10]
James Acaster
You introduced me to Franco Manga.
[45:11]
Josh Whittaker
I did. And look at it now.
[45:12]
James Acaster
Yeah, it was very, very. I mean, to be fair, it was very early days. He was a very early adopter. Yeah. It was tucked away in the corner of Brixton.
[45:23]
Josh Whittaker
It was in Brixton Market.
[45:25]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[45:25]
Josh Whittaker
And it was just like a small pizza place where the waiters were overburdened and, like, there was only about 10 tables. And then now it's everywhere.
[45:35]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, well, that's how. That's capitalism. That's capitalism for you. And it was the same with Honest Burgers as well. Started in Brixton Village.
[45:42]
Josh Whittaker
Oh, was it?
[45:42]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah. And now that's everywhere. How do you feel about that when sort of little restaurants that you like then sort of end up going, you know, all over the place?
[45:51]
Josh Whittaker
Initially excited.
[45:52]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[45:53]
Josh Whittaker
I mean, the way I suppose you compare it to a band, isn't it?
[45:56]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[45:57]
Josh Whittaker
So initially, when the band that you like that no one really knows about breaks through, you're quite excited for them.
[46:03]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[46:04]
Josh Whittaker
And then by the time they're headlining Glastonbury, you're livid.
[46:07]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. Because everyone's in.
[46:10]
Josh Whittaker
Everyone's in. Some of the qualities change their sound.
[46:12]
Ed Gamble
Qualities for the stage.
[46:16]
James Acaster
I'd say. Still, the quality is the same.
[46:18]
Josh Whittaker
Still the quality is the same.
[46:19]
Ed Gamble
They still play all the hits. They still play Number five.
[46:21]
Josh Whittaker
They still play Mambo Number five.
[46:24]
James Acaster
A little bit of anchovies in your life. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, yeah.
[46:29]
Ed Gamble
So talk us. Talk us through the number five for those people who aren't across the full menu.
[46:33]
Josh Whittaker
Okay. So the number five is anchovies, which I forgo. Olives, capers and garlic.
[46:42]
James Acaster
Right. The cheese and tomato on there.
[46:44]
Josh Whittaker
Oh, yeah, sorry. That's as. As.
[46:45]
Ed Gamble
Sorry.
[46:46]
James Acaster
Well, not on all of them. And a base.
[46:47]
Josh Whittaker
As a base as well.
[46:48]
James Acaster
There are Some funk munkin pizzas that don't have tomato on.
[46:50]
Josh Whittaker
I know. And just.
[46:51]
Ed Gamble
And you get a plate and you.
[46:53]
Josh Whittaker
Get a knife and fork.
[46:55]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[46:56]
Josh Whittaker
And a bill. Yeah, I. Yeah. You've got no time for the no cheese pizza or the no tomato pizza. I think the no tomato pizza as well often isn't clear enough about that on a menu.
[47:09]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, I do agree with that. Because you're heavily warned. Which should be in a separate section on the menu. Yeah, it should be in the whatever, like pizza Bianca. Because sometimes it's like a white thing or just like a. Yeah. No tomato pizza. It shouldn't be snuck in with all the other pizzas.
[47:23]
Josh Whittaker
Exactly.
[47:24]
Ed Gamble
And then in the tiny little. In the small print being like just missing tomato off the list, you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[47:30]
James Acaster
Come on.
[47:30]
Ed Gamble
Tomato's default.
[47:32]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, exactly. I presumed it was a typo.
[47:34]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah.
[47:35]
James Acaster
Has it always been the number five for you?
[47:37]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, it has always been the number five. What would be the. That kind of olive caper and I presume an falls into the same thing. That kind of salty.
[47:47]
Ed Gamble
Very salty in. In pasta with. That's like a putanesca, right?
[47:51]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, I love a putanesca. I imagine the answer to this is yes, but would you like to hear about my first caper?
[47:59]
Ed Gamble
You do not need to ask in future, Josh.
[48:01]
Josh Whittaker
You just go for it also.
[48:03]
James Acaster
So I'd like to hear about your first caper and I'd like to hear about your first caper. Both meanings of the word.
[48:12]
Josh Whittaker
So my first caper, the meaning of the word food was when Plymouth Argyle played in the Division 3 playoff final in May 1996.
[48:22]
James Acaster
Pilgrim Pete going crazy.
[48:24]
Josh Whittaker
Pilgrim Pete was there throwing one nil at Wembley.
[48:27]
James Acaster
You were singing with the football charge. Mouth felt wide open.
[48:31]
Josh Whittaker
So I came to London for it because it was at Wembley. I think I'd been to London when I was like 7, but I hadn't really been to London. And we went to Pizza Express beforehand and I had a Veneziana and had capers on it and it blew my mind.
[48:47]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[48:47]
Josh Whittaker
And I just thought, this city, this place is like one day something else, isn't it?
[48:55]
Ed Gamble
One day I've got to live here.
[48:56]
Josh Whittaker
The way these people are living their lives is like nothing I've ever experienced.
[49:01]
Ed Gamble
I know you often see if you go down to like Houses of Parliament around that area, you'll often see just like people who've just arrived in London gazing up at Big Ben eating a jar of capers. Yeah, I can't believe it. Exactly.
[49:12]
Josh Whittaker
Exactly, yeah. So that's, that's what I'd say. Get on the Millennium Eye and eat a caper. Yeah, it's not called the Millennium Eye anymore.
[49:20]
James Acaster
You gotta drop it at just the right time, though. Caper. Yeah. Make sure number four for me at Francamanca.
[49:29]
Josh Whittaker
What's number four?
[49:30]
James Acaster
It's very nice mushrooms, I think. Buffalo, ricotta cheese or something. Oh, yeah, and ham. Benito's literally looked it up. I can see he's looked up. He's nodding as I get them. Right?
[49:39]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[49:40]
James Acaster
I think there's little tomato on it. It says little tomato, but then everyone always goes, can I have extra tomato on him? So you just.
[49:48]
Josh Whittaker
So does that mean little tomatoes or not much tomatoes?
[49:51]
James Acaster
Not much tomatoes, yeah.
[49:52]
Josh Whittaker
Right, right.
[49:52]
Ed Gamble
Because I would think that would mean little tomatoes.
[49:54]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, I just thought it meant like a cherry tomato.
[49:56]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, one little tomato.
[49:58]
James Acaster
There's three cherry tomatoes spaced very far apart from each other. Just fair warning.
[50:03]
Ed Gamble
I don't know, I've barely been to Franco Manco. I don't know what my order would be.
[50:06]
Josh Whittaker
I really like the salad actually, as well that you get with the pizza. That's got parmesan olives.
[50:12]
James Acaster
Oh, yeah.
[50:13]
Josh Whittaker
Sun dried tomato.
[50:14]
James Acaster
Would you want that with your number five?
[50:16]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, as long as it doesn't count as my salad. I was thinking this on the way. Is that going to count as myself?
[50:20]
Ed Gamble
No, you can put it all, put it all in with the main and you can do that.
[50:23]
Josh Whittaker
Okay. Yeah, I'd like that.
[50:25]
James Acaster
Are you putting chili oil on it? I like chili oil.
[50:28]
Josh Whittaker
I love chili oil. So this is something interesting about me. Yeah, well, you'll be the judge of that.
[50:32]
James Acaster
It's all interesting, Josh. This is all great.
[50:35]
Josh Whittaker
You won't believe this. I love spice, which is so out of character.
[50:41]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[50:42]
Josh Whittaker
Like I, and I go at Nando's, I'll go extra hot and then I'll get the black bottle and have that as well.
[50:49]
Ed Gamble
Nice.
[50:50]
James Acaster
Yes. I love the black.
[50:51]
Josh Whittaker
I just, I love spice.
[50:52]
Ed Gamble
You're just a guy who loves a rush. Right?
[50:54]
Josh Whittaker
I just, I live for the rush.
[50:57]
James Acaster
What kind of a rush are we talking though? Because, like, there are certain things you're like, that's too adrenaline fuel. But like spice again, it's like quite spice.
[51:05]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah. Not the drug spice. The spice. The spice. But I don't like. Sorry, Bolito, I don't like roller coasters. I find them.
[51:14]
James Acaster
Yeah, Yeah.
[51:14]
Josh Whittaker
I find them too scary.
[51:16]
James Acaster
And I mean, there's a load of things that you find.
[51:18]
Josh Whittaker
I wouldn't do a sky Dance.
[51:19]
James Acaster
Yeah. I remember you told me you don't like big headphones because it makes you feel sleepy. They make your ears too warm, and then you feel sleepy.
[51:31]
Josh Whittaker
Oh, yeah. That is true. I can't.
[51:35]
Ed Gamble
That took me by surprise. I've never heard that.
[51:38]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think I know why that is.
[51:40]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[51:41]
Josh Whittaker
It's because I sleep with the duvet over my head.
[51:44]
Ed Gamble
Oh, my God. Oh, God.
[51:49]
James Acaster
What? That is something that I think everyone tries when they're a kid. So when you're a little kid. Yeah. At some point, you try sleeping with the duvet over your head. You try sleeping the other way around on your bed.
[52:02]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The other night, because my son came and slept on our bed, so I had. I had to go down the other end. I was horizontal at the feet, but.
[52:11]
James Acaster
Still head under the deep.
[52:13]
Josh Whittaker
I know I couldn't at that point. By that point, I was so tired it didn't matter.
[52:16]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[52:16]
Josh Whittaker
So I go head under the duvet. So I go, what the Is your wife thinking?
[52:22]
James Acaster
She's sleeping. Yeah.
[52:25]
Josh Whittaker
What's wrong with that? Yeah.
[52:27]
Ed Gamble
I've never met anyone who sleeps like that.
[52:29]
Josh Whittaker
So it's snug.
[52:31]
James Acaster
A little doormouth.
[52:33]
Josh Whittaker
She don't want to be a little door mouse.
[52:35]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, I get that. I get. Look, I get the attraction.
[52:37]
Josh Whittaker
When you're asleep, would you not like to be a little door mouse?
[52:39]
James Acaster
Yeah. Good sleep.
[52:41]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[52:42]
Josh Whittaker
So head over duvet over the head.
[52:44]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[52:45]
Josh Whittaker
Kind of hook it over and then. So I've still got my mouth and nose out for breathing purposes.
[52:50]
Ed Gamble
And do you put fresh straw in every day or so, putting the big headphones on that makes you feel like you're under the duvet?
[52:58]
Josh Whittaker
I've missed train stops because of that.
[53:00]
Ed Gamble
Because, like, chemical memory kicks in and you fall asleep.
[53:02]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah.
[53:03]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[53:03]
Josh Whittaker
Oh, willy hats as well, huh? Wooly hats.
[53:06]
Ed Gamble
Woolly hats, yeah.
[53:07]
James Acaster
Never seen you in a woolly. Yeah, no.
[53:08]
Josh Whittaker
Exactly.
[53:11]
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[53:47]
James Acaster
Is there spice in your side dish, Josh?
[53:50]
Josh Whittaker
To an extent. I'd like a sag paneer, please.
[53:53]
Ed Gamble
Nice. Always delighted when sag paneer gets a shout out. It's my go to side, I guess, but Quite often it comes in main portion side on an Indian takeaway, but what a treat.
[54:04]
Josh Whittaker
Yes. So I love sag paneer. I'd say paneer is, along with halloumi, is an absolute. It's a relief to a vegetarian.
[54:15]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[54:16]
Josh Whittaker
The existence of those two.
[54:18]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[54:18]
Josh Whittaker
Does do a lot of the work for where meat disappears.
[54:22]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[54:22]
Josh Whittaker
If that makes sense.
[54:23]
Ed Gamble
Texture, Texture wise.
[54:25]
Josh Whittaker
Texture wise. It's just beer. It's big. It dominates.
[54:29]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a centerpiece.
[54:31]
Josh Whittaker
It's a centerpiece.
[54:32]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[54:33]
Josh Whittaker
I hate falafel.
[54:35]
James Acaster
Yeah. And I do know this about you. Yeah. Yeah.
[54:37]
Josh Whittaker
And I find that annoying that you're offered it as an option so often as a vegetarian, because it's crap and it's dry. I know people. You haven't tried good falafel, but. No, I haven't.
[54:47]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. Point proven. Yeah.
[54:53]
James Acaster
Even good stuff, though. You can't have it too much. Like, I've had really good falafel, but I wouldn't want it twice in a month.
[54:59]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
[55:02]
James Acaster
You can't eat all the time.
[55:03]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah. So I like paneer. It's great. I like tikka paneer as a starter, but obviously I've got toast as my starter.
[55:12]
James Acaster
Yeah. Yeah.
[55:13]
Josh Whittaker
And I thought it'd be mad to have toast as a side with pizza.
[55:16]
James Acaster
Nowhere else in the format where toast would fit. So you had to have it as.
[55:20]
Josh Whittaker
A start because I presumed rules were there for a reason. But it turns out. Out. Turns out that poppadoms or bread doesn't mean popadoms or bread. It means poppadoms or bread or toast.
[55:29]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[55:29]
Ed Gamble
All prawn crackers.
[55:31]
James Acaster
Yeah. Let people pick those before.
[55:34]
Josh Whittaker
We've never had a prawn cracker. Could you. Could you have a quaver?
[55:37]
Ed Gamble
Well, not now you've picked.
[55:38]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, right.
[55:38]
James Acaster
Yeah. But we would let someone. If someone said they wanted a packet of crisps or a quaver for that probably thing, I think we'd let them have that.
[55:44]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[55:45]
Josh Whittaker
Okay.
[55:45]
James Acaster
That seems the equivalent of popping on some bread.
[55:48]
Josh Whittaker
Just change your crib sheet that you send out.
[55:49]
Ed Gamble
If you were to go.
[55:51]
James Acaster
What's your. When you go to a curry house, then, what's your order?
[55:54]
Josh Whittaker
Papadoms.
[55:55]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[55:55]
Josh Whittaker
Garlic naan.
[55:56]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[55:57]
Josh Whittaker
No. Rice vegetable danzac. Some paneer of some sort.
[56:03]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[56:03]
Josh Whittaker
Sago tacodal.
[56:06]
Ed Gamble
Job done, job done, job done. That's a big order as well.
[56:09]
Josh Whittaker
Well, I think it's insane when someone just has one curry.
[56:14]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[56:14]
Josh Whittaker
Like, isn't the point to have more like it's. You're meant to Mix and match. Right.
[56:20]
Ed Gamble
You're meant to be able to dip into other people.
[56:22]
James Acaster
Exactly. Yeah.
[56:22]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, exactly.
[56:23]
Josh Whittaker
I don't really. I'd prefer a curry in than a curry out because I'm so tired by the end of a curry, I just need to go to bed.
[56:30]
James Acaster
Of course, yeah.
[56:32]
Ed Gamble
I mean, pop on the headphones. Awful.
[56:34]
Josh Whittaker
I don't like a light.
[56:36]
Ed Gamble
The idea of eating a curry and then getting under your own duvet is terrifying to me.
[56:39]
James Acaster
Yeah. You've got shoving yourself.
[56:43]
Josh Whittaker
What I don't understand, which blows my mind, is curry at the start of a night out.
[56:49]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. I don't know who's doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So full.
[56:53]
Josh Whittaker
Absolutely mad. I just don't want to go out.
[56:58]
Ed Gamble
No, it's the end. It's the end of a night. If you're out, it's the end of a night or you're eating it when you're in. Otherwise I'm just like. I feel like a balloon.
[57:06]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah. I couldn't drink with a curry as well. Like, when I used to drink, I used give the pint. It's like those people who feel about sparkling water. I'd feel about. Like a pint.
[57:15]
James Acaster
I love it. I love having a cobra with a. With a curry. Yeah.
[57:19]
Ed Gamble
I have a wine. I have a wine with a curry.
[57:20]
Josh Whittaker
Do you?
[57:21]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[57:21]
James Acaster
That's too tiring.
[57:23]
Josh Whittaker
How'd you get through it?
[57:24]
Ed Gamble
Well, very happy. Very happy boy.
[57:25]
James Acaster
Talking to your friends.
[57:26]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, talking to your friends.
[57:27]
James Acaster
I'm having a lovely time.
[57:28]
Josh Whittaker
And when you go out, for fuck's sake, I'm in a restaurant and I don't want to be now under my duvet like a little dormouse.
[57:36]
Ed Gamble
Well, this dream, this dream meal. If you're eating South Paneer, are you all right for it to be in a dream restaurant, or do you want to be at home next to your bed?
[57:44]
Josh Whittaker
Could I be eating all of this in bed?
[57:45]
James Acaster
Yeah, under the duvet.
[57:47]
Josh Whittaker
Not under the duvet. I'm not an animal.
[57:49]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[57:51]
Josh Whittaker
Maybe downstairs.
[57:52]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[57:53]
Josh Whittaker
I like eating in front of the tv, I think. I think eating at the dinner table is criminally overrated.
[58:02]
James Acaster
Well, you famously love television.
[58:04]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[58:04]
James Acaster
Your first book was.
[58:05]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah. I hate eating at the dinner table. The thing I hate the most, and this is a real problem in our relationship, is once you finished, still sitting at the table.
[58:17]
Ed Gamble
Right. I just can't stand what I'm, like, talking and stuff.
[58:22]
Josh Whittaker
Like in a restaurant. Let's go. We've eaten and Rose will be stringing out a tiny bit of wine. You're like, come on. I'M knackered. It's half nine.
[58:32]
James Acaster
It's always knackered. Could.
[58:34]
Josh Whittaker
I'm so tired. I've eaten four bits of bread before this even started. I think I'm quite liable to food energy reactions.
[58:45]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, it definitely seems that way, yeah.
[58:49]
James Acaster
Do you think that's what's doing it, or do you think it's the fact you're one of the busiest comedians in the country?
[58:54]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, no, I do think it. I do think it's. I have a bad reaction. I tried to eat a Mars Bar the other day.
[59:00]
Ed Gamble
Tried?
[59:00]
Josh Whittaker
Tried. I had to give up because it was just too extreme.
[59:04]
James Acaster
How far down the Mars Bar did you get? And I know you're not very good with centimeters.
[59:09]
Josh Whittaker
Halfway. Then I put the other half in the fridge, which is depressing, isn't it? They're too much.
[59:14]
Ed Gamble
Well, they're helping you work, rest and play.
[59:16]
James Acaster
That's the thing.
[59:16]
Ed Gamble
They weren't.
[59:17]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah, I get that, though. Mars Bar, maybe.
[59:20]
Josh Whittaker
When was the last time you had a Mars Bar?
[59:21]
James Acaster
Oh, ages.
[59:22]
Ed Gamble
Long time ago.
[59:23]
Josh Whittaker
I can't believe there's still a product.
[59:26]
Ed Gamble
Are you gonna have to go Fun Size from now one?
[59:28]
Josh Whittaker
I think I am. Fun Size.
[59:30]
James Acaster
They go duo and then you. That's already ready in the half spot.
[59:34]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, I disapprove of that.
[59:35]
Ed Gamble
I think you go Fun Size, man. Fun Size. Out the fridge. A Mars bar.
[59:38]
Josh Whittaker
Do they still do Fun Size or is it just a celebration straight up to the Mars Bar?
[59:42]
Ed Gamble
I'm. Oh, that's a good point. I don't think they're allowed to call them Fun Size anymore. Maybe. Probably. Knowing what? Knowing this government.
[59:48]
Josh Whittaker
The bods at Health and Safety.
[59:49]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah. Because they're not fun, they're not government. They're destroying your health.
[59:53]
James Acaster
That. Right. Your dream drink. Then we touched that you wouldn't have a drink of a curry. But surely for your dream menu, you got.
[60:04]
Josh Whittaker
Well, I've already got sparkling water.
[60:05]
James Acaster
Yeah, we know that. You love tea.
[60:07]
Josh Whittaker
No. Yeah. So I'm gonna have tea.
[60:08]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[60:09]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[60:11]
Josh Whittaker
Because I find it difficult to go a long period without tea. My. I. I've genuinely quite. I've got quite worrying. Not worrying. Because it's tea.
[60:20]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[60:20]
Josh Whittaker
So I'm like, fight your battles.
[60:22]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[60:22]
Josh Whittaker
But I can get antsy if I know I haven't got access to tea.
[60:27]
James Acaster
Yes.
[60:27]
Ed Gamble
Now you don't drink alcohol anymore.
[60:30]
Josh Whittaker
No, but I didn't have that relationship with alcohol. I binged on alcohol.
[60:32]
Ed Gamble
Yes. So I'm saying. Did you. Has the tea thing really kicked in since you stopped drinking alcohol?
[60:38]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah.
[60:38]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, Yeah.
[60:41]
James Acaster
I remember you being a bitch.
[60:42]
Josh Whittaker
I was a big tea drinker, but now it's like relationship someone has with smoking. I suppose I like the feeling of it, like the. The ritual of it that I. I think it's something for my hands to do.
[60:57]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[60:57]
Ed Gamble
Because when you used to drink beer, of course, you had it warm with milk in, so it's just the perfect.
[61:01]
James Acaster
I know.
[61:01]
Josh Whittaker
It reminded me of the lattes.
[61:04]
James Acaster
What brand tea bag are you going for?
[61:07]
Josh Whittaker
Yorkshire, PG Tips or Twinings? Just something that just didn't.
[61:11]
James Acaster
What. What you got in the cupboard? Now?
[61:13]
Josh Whittaker
We have got. Well, we haven't got it in the cupboard. We've got a lovely glass jar.
[61:18]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[61:19]
Josh Whittaker
So we've got. I don't know why that feels like a. A bit I'm doing, but I'm not. But we have a bag of tea.
[61:25]
James Acaster
Down in the front.
[61:26]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah. It's not bad, is it?
[61:27]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. You suddenly might have a tea bit.
[61:29]
James Acaster
Yeah. Decant your tea bags into a glass jar.
[61:31]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, we did decant them into the glass jar so that no one knows that we've got a box in the cupboard. Our dirty little seat.
[61:38]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[61:38]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[61:42]
Josh Whittaker
I might try that.
[61:43]
James Acaster
Yeah, it's pretty good. It is good.
[61:46]
Josh Whittaker
I used to have a bit, didn't I, about the tea bag saucer.
[61:49]
James Acaster
Yes.
[61:50]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, you did, yeah.
[61:51]
Josh Whittaker
Anyway, sorry, bring it back.
[61:52]
James Acaster
Yeah. The distance. Yeah.
[61:54]
Josh Whittaker
Halfway between.
[61:55]
James Acaster
Halfway. Halfway to your bin from the sink. Yeah.
[61:59]
Josh Whittaker
But so we have a glass jar. So it's PG Tips or Yorkshire or whatever. We're not wedded to a brand. But what I am wedded to is. I don't like it. I hate Starbucks tea.
[62:14]
James Acaster
Okay.
[62:15]
Josh Whittaker
I think it's awful because they've tried to do something with it, and I don't want anyone to try and do something with it.
[62:19]
Ed Gamble
You just want normal tea.
[62:20]
Josh Whittaker
I just want normal tea.
[62:22]
Ed Gamble
Because also, I think that makes perfect sense because if you're drinking like eight cups a day or whatever, you just want it to be the same thing, very drinkable. You can just knock it back.
[62:30]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, Yeah. I do alternate on one thing.
[62:33]
Ed Gamble
Oh, yeah.
[62:33]
James Acaster
Okay.
[62:33]
Josh Whittaker
I swing between milk and oatmeal milk.
[62:35]
Ed Gamble
Okay.
[62:36]
James Acaster
Okay.
[62:37]
Josh Whittaker
Depending on mood.
[62:39]
Ed Gamble
Hang on, what's milky mood and what's oat milk mood?
[62:42]
Josh Whittaker
Well, there's various. There's various variables.
[62:45]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[62:45]
Josh Whittaker
So here you've got minor figures. Minor figures. Makes me feel nauseous for some reason. I don't know what it is, but I can handle the silver oatly. Yeah, I love a silver oatly.
[62:56]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[62:57]
Josh Whittaker
I got so into that. That I started taking oatly to my friend's house because they had normal milk.
[63:04]
Ed Gamble
I'm so glad you've got drinking, man.
[63:08]
Josh Whittaker
But then someone got in my head about ultra processed foods and that oat milk is a processed food. So then I tried to wean myself back onto milk and now I swing between the two, depending on what I'm feeling more guilty about.
[63:23]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[63:23]
Josh Whittaker
The plight of the cow or ultra processed foods.
[63:27]
Ed Gamble
You're damned if you do, damned if you don't. Basically.
[63:29]
James Acaster
If your kids are annoying you, you break out the dairy. That's the.
[63:36]
Ed Gamble
Then you throw it in. The normal bit.
[63:37]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[63:38]
Josh Whittaker
It is weird with tea that everyone has a set way of doing it, but with other things you're allowed to vary it.
[63:45]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[63:45]
Josh Whittaker
But it's the one thing where it's like everyone has to do it in one. This is how I have my tea. Whereas if you said, I have the same dinner every day, that'd be weird.
[63:54]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, that's true.
[63:55]
James Acaster
And I really respect. I really respect that some. Everyone has a way they have their tea. That's where they do it every single time. Time. One of the things that really annoys me, though.
[64:04]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah.
[64:05]
James Acaster
Is when people pretend to be really up in arms and passionate about stuff that really no one gives a about or should give a about. And the same basic arguments that get circulated around society.
[64:16]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah.
[64:16]
James Acaster
That we're all meant to, like, care if there's pineapple on a pizza. Milking first. I am absolutely sick and tired of people pretending that they are passionate about.
[64:27]
Ed Gamble
Yep.
[64:27]
James Acaster
And having it and fucking going on a panel show or something, then going, we're going to do this round where we bring up if you should have milk in first, you should be fired from your job. You should not be. You shouldn't be allowed to format panel shows. Get out of it.
[64:39]
Josh Whittaker
I lost a point on Taskmaster. It was throw a teabag in a cup and I made a large cup out of a wheelbarrow.
[64:48]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[64:48]
Josh Whittaker
And a hand.
[64:49]
James Acaster
That's great.
[64:50]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah. Threw it in. And then Greg cost me the point. He said, I'm not doing it for the cup. I'm doing it just to put the milk in first. And then I heard James think, this panel show's not gonna work.
[65:02]
James Acaster
I was like, well, luckily, one series.
[65:06]
Ed Gamble
Luckily he still won.
[65:07]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[65:08]
Ed Gamble
You still won.
[65:08]
Josh Whittaker
I still beat Frank Skinnaby. Point.
[65:10]
James Acaster
Yeah. Yeah. The bean point.
[65:11]
Josh Whittaker
The bean point.
[65:11]
Ed Gamble
The bean point.
[65:12]
James Acaster
You counted your beans.
[65:13]
Josh Whittaker
I counted my beans. But, yeah. I don't care about milking first. I'm constantly Dragged into the cream or jam debate and I just don't.
[65:22]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah, Gee, they've got to get over that. I mean, I just did a string of gigs in Truro, which I absolutely loved. I won't stop talking about it. However, the one thing that.
[65:36]
Josh Whittaker
Is it nice that.
[65:37]
James Acaster
Yeah, absolutely loved it. But they would heckle every night about the jam or cream thing. And it was the one time I'd say to them, guys, you. You have really got to move on with your life. This card still mattered to you.
[65:49]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah. I'm from Devon and I prefer cream above, which is the Cornish way. And that's fine.
[65:54]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah. Also, it makes no difference.
[65:56]
Josh Whittaker
Makes no difference.
[65:57]
James Acaster
Who cares? Like the fact that they are still arguing about it. We're never going to progress as a country if we're still stuck on that shit.
[66:05]
Josh Whittaker
Do you know what? That's how I felt when you were talking to Graham Coxon about his taco.
[66:13]
James Acaster
We arrive at your dream dessert.
[66:15]
Josh Whittaker
Yes.
[66:15]
James Acaster
Again, known you for a long time. Not known you to be a massive pudding fan or have a sweet tooth. Really? So I'm a bit concerned going into this that you're gonna.
[66:24]
Josh Whittaker
I'm not gonna go with cheese and biscuits or.
[66:27]
James Acaster
Okay, okay, fair enough.
[66:28]
Josh Whittaker
I'm gonna go with lindt balls.
[66:31]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[66:31]
Ed Gamble
That's absolute respect.
[66:32]
James Acaster
So on Grand.
[66:33]
Ed Gamble
Huge respect.
[66:34]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[66:35]
Ed Gamble
And you know what? I know why you're going with lind balls. You're popping one in your mouth. You're having a sip of your tea and you're melting it in your mouth.
[66:39]
Josh Whittaker
No, I wasn't even doing that, but I would.
[66:42]
James Acaster
Come on.
[66:42]
Ed Gamble
Cup of tea at a Limp balls. I love a. Limp balls are amazing.
[66:46]
Josh Whittaker
They're so good.
[66:47]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[66:48]
Josh Whittaker
But we only really get them at Christmas and it's the best bit of Christmas. If I'm allowed to broaden it slightly, I broaden it to Christmas chocolates. So that's your limb balls.
[66:58]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[66:59]
Josh Whittaker
And I'd like some after eights in there as well.
[67:01]
Ed Gamble
You can have.
[67:01]
Josh Whittaker
And I'd like some matchmakers as well.
[67:03]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. Any celebrations or heroes?
[67:05]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, I'll have some celebrations as well and maybe a Toblerone.
[67:08]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[67:09]
James Acaster
Right, let's get into this. This is one of my favorite dessert courses we've ever had.
[67:12]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, this is. This is Christmas.
[67:13]
James Acaster
Chocolates is absolutely going to be.
[67:15]
Ed Gamble
I want to quickly stick on limp balls.
[67:17]
James Acaster
Yes, yes.
[67:18]
Ed Gamble
Original. Or are you branching out into the other colors?
[67:21]
Josh Whittaker
My favorite is the mix, but I don't like the dark ones.
[67:24]
Ed Gamble
Right, Okay.
[67:25]
James Acaster
I love the dark ones.
[67:26]
Josh Whittaker
Well, come around.
[67:27]
James Acaster
Surely Your better half.
[67:29]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, she does.
[67:30]
James Acaster
Because she loves the dark chocolate buttons.
[67:31]
Josh Whittaker
I love. The white one's my favorite.
[67:34]
Ed Gamble
So sweet.
[67:35]
Josh Whittaker
I have seen, but I haven't tried that. They've broadened it.
[67:38]
Ed Gamble
Salted caramel.
[67:39]
James Acaster
Caramel.
[67:39]
Josh Whittaker
There's a mint one, isn't there? And there's a strawberry one as well.
[67:42]
Ed Gamble
Coconut one maybe as well.
[67:43]
James Acaster
Oh, wow. I didn't know about this.
[67:44]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah. There's all kinds of limits.
[67:45]
Ed Gamble
I'm not interested in coconut or strawberry. But the salted caramel is good.
[67:49]
James Acaster
It's good. The only person I know who regularly went for a phase of having limp balls when it wasn't Christmas was Nish. He buy a box every week.
[67:57]
Josh Whittaker
I'd enjoy. I would enjoy seeing a graph of the lint ball sales throughout the year. Oh, yeah, yeah, that'd be nice. Just to confirm how badly it's going for them.
[68:09]
Ed Gamble
Eleven months of the year, Easter, they're selling more.
[68:12]
James Acaster
Got.
[68:13]
Ed Gamble
Because Lindt is bigger in Easter, Right? Because of the bunny. Yeah. No, sorry, sorry. Lent. That's what I meant.
[68:20]
James Acaster
You're thinking of Lemball. It's just the wrapper.
[68:26]
Ed Gamble
Because the bunnies. The bunny's big in Easter, right?
[68:28]
Josh Whittaker
Oh, yeah. The Lindt chocolate bunny. Yeah.
[68:30]
Ed Gamble
So I think the whole brand probably gets a bit of a spike.
[68:33]
James Acaster
Easter is the Christmas of chocolate. Yeah.
[68:35]
Josh Whittaker
Easter's crap. Easter scrap.
[68:38]
Ed Gamble
But Easter's a Christmas of chocolate, Josh.
[68:40]
Josh Whittaker
This is total crap. Hate it.
[68:43]
Ed Gamble
You heard it here first.
[68:44]
James Acaster
Why do you hate it?
[68:45]
Josh Whittaker
Because there's too much chocolate.
[68:47]
James Acaster
Well, you decide that.
[68:49]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah. But if you're doing an Easter egg hunt, which you've got it with a child, they've basically got chocolate for the next four weeks.
[68:55]
Ed Gamble
Right.
[68:56]
James Acaster
Okay.
[68:56]
Josh Whittaker
So your house is full of chocolate, which isn't ideal. Yeah, that's nice for them. Which isn't ideal.
[69:00]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[69:02]
Josh Whittaker
And then it moves around.
[69:04]
James Acaster
You never know what days it's on.
[69:06]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. It's not fixed.
[69:07]
Josh Whittaker
I think if anything, thing is a more important festival. If I. I'd say dying coming back to life is more important than being born.
[69:16]
Ed Gamble
It's more impressive, isn't it more impressive?
[69:18]
Josh Whittaker
I'd say Easter should be the better one. So it's disappointing for that reason.
[69:22]
James Acaster
Yeah. But they kind of know that if they make too big a deal of it, people just start asking questions. You got a berry. You got a. Yeah. And also he came back to life. But let's focus on the fact he was born. We could all agree on that.
[69:35]
Josh Whittaker
We can all agree on that one.
[69:37]
Ed Gamble
Definitely born.
[69:38]
Josh Whittaker
I just. I just think it's a bit nothing. I think the four day bank holiday is a bit annoying. I hate bank holidays.
[69:45]
Ed Gamble
You hate bank holidays?
[69:46]
James Acaster
That's off brand.
[69:47]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[69:48]
James Acaster
I say, don't you hate bank?
[69:49]
Josh Whittaker
Because in our job.
[69:51]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[69:51]
Josh Whittaker
I never realize it's going to be a bank holiday. I don't get time off for it being a bank holiday. So all that happens is I realize two weeks before that I'm working on a bank holiday.
[70:03]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, good point.
[70:04]
James Acaster
That's a shame. Yeah. The matchmakers, I'm assuming they're going to be mint.
[70:08]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah. But I don't mind the orange.
[70:10]
James Acaster
You don't mind the orange?
[70:12]
Josh Whittaker
They're definitely not the best bit. But if we're having all the Christmas chocolates.
[70:15]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. They've got to be in there.
[70:16]
Josh Whittaker
They've got to be there. I like them with their little kind of crunchy thing that goes on top of them.
[70:23]
Ed Gamble
The packaging thing.
[70:24]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[70:24]
Josh Whittaker
So you open the lid and then there's like a kind of crunchy.
[70:27]
Ed Gamble
It feels like you're opening a box of cigars or something.
[70:29]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[70:30]
Josh Whittaker
That's like the good version of the. You know the piece of paper you get on the top of the marge.
[70:36]
Ed Gamble
Yes.
[70:37]
Josh Whittaker
I hate that.
[70:38]
James Acaster
Yeah, that's. That's gross.
[70:39]
Ed Gamble
Oh, here's a question.
[70:40]
Josh Whittaker
Throw away.
[70:41]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, me too.
[70:42]
Josh Whittaker
Who's keeping that?
[70:43]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[70:44]
Ed Gamble
I mean, this might be the new cream and jam.
[70:47]
James Acaster
Yeah. Yeah. No, I've been. I've been in people's houses before and. Oh, yeah. And they've got my wife.
[70:51]
Ed Gamble
My wife keeps it on the lure pack. She'll open it and keep the foil thing on it. It's like, get rid of it. That's the reason the lids.
[70:57]
Josh Whittaker
You get it on Greek yogurt as well now.
[70:59]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[70:59]
Josh Whittaker
You just get a piece of paper.
[71:02]
Ed Gamble
Not even attached to anything.
[71:03]
Josh Whittaker
Just a floating piece.
[71:05]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. Disgusting yogurt. So hard to put in the bin if you're. If you're not opening it over the bin, you've then got to take a sopping wet piece of yogurt paper to the bin without it dripping.
[71:14]
Josh Whittaker
Totally agree.
[71:15]
Ed Gamble
You're always dripping yogurt everywhere.
[71:16]
Josh Whittaker
If you're enjoying this kind of chat, my tour is about 80 minutes. It's all this.
[71:23]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah.
[71:25]
James Acaster
And you got the after eights. I love an after Toblerone. How big's the Toblerone?
[71:31]
Josh Whittaker
It's centimeters. Because I'm. They're gonna struggle with that.
[71:36]
James Acaster
That looked to be about a foot.
[71:37]
Josh Whittaker
It's about a foot.
[71:38]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[71:38]
Josh Whittaker
I'd say traditional foot Toblerone.
[71:40]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah. Like slightly novelty sized but not one of the stupid ones. Exactly.
[71:45]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[71:45]
Josh Whittaker
I. I wouldn't go stupid.
[71:47]
James Acaster
Original flavor toble.
[71:48]
Josh Whittaker
Original flavor toble, yeah.
[71:49]
James Acaster
So I loved it and there was a brief period where like Fruit and nut Toblerones, I. I really love them.
[71:54]
Josh Whittaker
I think fruit and nut chocolate's crap.
[71:56]
James Acaster
Oh, man, this guy's. How many hot takes we had?
[72:00]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[72:01]
James Acaster
This is crazy.
[72:02]
Josh Whittaker
He's not taking six years for this.
[72:04]
Ed Gamble
He's not taking any prisoners today.
[72:05]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, I don't like fruit and nut chocolate cuz I think my dad had it when I was a kid and he felt, I think in a feel that it was a healthy option.
[72:13]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[72:14]
Ed Gamble
It's such a thing a dad would have.
[72:16]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah.
[72:16]
Ed Gamble
Be like, don't touch my fruit and nut.
[72:18]
Josh Whittaker
I won't.
[72:20]
Ed Gamble
That's my special chocolate.
[72:23]
Josh Whittaker
Do you. This feels like another cream or jam, but do you leave the after eight envelopes in the box?
[72:32]
James Acaster
Oh, yeah, I don't. I get furious from people.
[72:35]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah. They're out. I'll pile them up because throw them away.
[72:38]
James Acaster
You're like, oh, great, go for it sometimes, especially when it gets towards the end or the end. There's none in there.
[72:45]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah.
[72:46]
James Acaster
I've got some after rates. No, it's all rubbish. It's all stuff that should be in the bit.
[72:50]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, yeah.
[72:50]
James Acaster
What kind of psycho's doing that?
[72:52]
Josh Whittaker
Totally agree.
[72:53]
James Acaster
But see, I care about that because it has real world implications. I'm going to read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it. Yeah. You would like sparkling water.
[73:04]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, Big shot.
[73:05]
Ed Gamble
You would like twist of the pod.
[73:06]
James Acaster
Pile of 90s poppadoms, if mainly the yogurt dip. The other two there to entertain them. Start at two slices of toast sliced by your own hand. Butter and marmite on one, marmalade on the other.
[73:16]
Josh Whittaker
Butter and marmalade. Yeah.
[73:19]
James Acaster
Main course, Franken Manko pizza number five. No anchovies, added chili and a side salad, side dish of saag. Paneer drink, tea, dessert, Christmas chocolates. I mean, I love that dessert so much, Josh. And look, I'll eat the rest of it.
[73:37]
Josh Whittaker
Could I have two teas at specific moments, actually, when I sit down to get me through. And then another one with pudding. I think that's when I want my teas.
[73:45]
James Acaster
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. You know, whenever you want, if you feel like more.
[73:51]
Josh Whittaker
Yeah, yeah.
[73:51]
Ed Gamble
We could put a tea tap.
[73:52]
James Acaster
Just ask us.
[73:52]
Ed Gamble
Tea tap on the table.
[73:54]
James Acaster
Tea tap, tap.
[73:55]
Josh Whittaker
Oh my God.
[73:56]
James Acaster
Although that gets rid of the ritual for you and I imagine.
[73:58]
Josh Whittaker
No, I've spent genuinely the last six years. Thinking about getting a hot water tap.
[74:04]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[74:04]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[74:05]
Josh Whittaker
And there's a v. There's a guy that installs hot water taps that lives across the road, that parks his hot water tap van outside my window. And I see it when I close.
[74:13]
Ed Gamble
The curtains every night, every day.
[74:15]
Josh Whittaker
Really. Sh.
[74:17]
Ed Gamble
Thank you very much for coming to the Dream restaurant, Josh.
[74:19]
Josh Whittaker
Oh, it's been an absolute pleasure.
[74:20]
James Acaster
Thank you, Josh.
[74:21]
Ed Gamble
Finally, we did it.
[74:22]
James Acaster
Finally.
[74:23]
Josh Whittaker
I'll give you Rob Beckett's number.
[74:31]
Ed Gamble
There we are. That. That was everything I'd hoped for.
[74:34]
James Acaster
James really delivered. I didn't even get to talk to him about the goats cheese and caramelized onion tartlet. Which he didn't pick.
[74:39]
Ed Gamble
Yes, he didn't pick it. But I mean, not being able to wear big headphones because it makes him sleepy, because he sleeps under his duvet is probably. That's. Surely that's going to make the tabloids.
[74:48]
James Acaster
Yeah. Josh Whitaker sleeps under his duvet. Yeah, it's going to be. They don't even have to mess with that headline. Yeah. Just state what. What he does.
[74:56]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[74:56]
James Acaster
Everyone will read that article. No one will be surprised by it, but it'll be very funny to learn. I mean, he said at one point near the end there that he draws the curtains before going to sleep. And I was like, what's the point?
[75:06]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, what's the point of the duvet, mate? Just sticking your nose and mouth out so you can breathe. Of course. Josh is on tour from September 2025. The show is called Not My cup of Tea. He claims to not have any tea material, but I think there may be maybe in the genesis of some tea material from our chat there.
[75:22]
James Acaster
Yeah, he's underestimating his own talents. Yeah.
[75:24]
Ed Gamble
Do keep an eye out for some tea material. And of course, Josh does the hugely popular and successful podcast Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett, another person that we've taken for granted.
[75:35]
James Acaster
Yeah, we have. Sorry, Rob.
[75:36]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, sorry, Rob.
[75:37]
James Acaster
Listening.
[75:37]
Ed Gamble
He'll be. No, he'll be on soon because he's on tour as well. So I'd imagine he'll come and flog some tickets.
[75:42]
James Acaster
Josh got a whole empire of podcasts. So, like, you listen to all the things that Josh puts out and, you know, go back and listen to all of his Quickly Kevin episodes. If you've not done that about 90s football.
[75:52]
Ed Gamble
And watch the last leg.
[75:54]
James Acaster
Watch the last leg. Of course.
[75:56]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. Get yourself onto UK TV website and watch old episodes of Hypothetical.
[76:01]
James Acaster
Watch all the old episodes of Hypothetical. Me and Josh having a laugh.
[76:04]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. And me on most of them.
[76:05]
James Acaster
Yeah. Yeah. You've got quite a few episodes. We make you do some awful things.
[76:10]
Ed Gamble
Yes. I made you do some awful things.
[76:12]
James Acaster
Yeah. Well, yeah. That would be very much your tactic.
[76:15]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[76:15]
James Acaster
Was we'd be thinking we'd stitched you up.
[76:17]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[76:17]
James Acaster
And then you go. Okay.
[76:18]
Ed Gamble
Yep.
[76:18]
James Acaster
I need James to do this with me. Yes. And this because it's improv. Over. I go to touch Ed's bum hole again.
[76:27]
Ed Gamble
That's the first time I did it.
[76:28]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[76:28]
Ed Gamble
Thank you very much for listening to off Menu. We will see you again next time.
[76:32]
James Acaster
Bye. Bye. Goodbye.
[76:48]
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