Ep 288: Bridget Christie (Tasting Menu)

Summary

Off Menu Ep 288: Bridget Christie (Tasting Menu) - Detailed Summary

Podcast Information:

• Title: Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster
• Episode: Ep 288: Bridget Christie (Tasting Menu)
• Host/Authors: Ed Gamble & James Acaster
• Release Date: April 16, 2025
• Description: Comedians Ed Gamble and James Acaster welcome special guests to their magical restaurant, where guests choose their favorite starter, main course, side dish, dessert, and drink. In this episode, Bridget Christie returns as a guest, tasting the menu of former guest Nick Muhammad.

---

1. Introduction and Format Explanation (00:53 - 06:00)

Ed Gamble and James Acaster introduce the episode's unique format, where a past guest—Bridget Christie—is invited back to the "Dream Restaurant." However, instead of getting her dream meal, Bridget is served the tasting menu of a former guest, Nick Muhammad.

• Ed Gamble (03:19): "We’ve got a secret special guest... Bridget Christie, one of our absolute favorites."
• James Acaster (03:51): "A legendary. Very excited to have Bridget back."

The hosts explain that this tasting menu approach allows guests to experience the culinary preferences of others, sparking fresh discussions and reactions.

---

2. Guest Arrival and Restaurant Tour (05:55 - 07:00)

Bridget Christie arrives and begins a tour of the recording space, commenting on the room's aesthetics and layout.

• Bridget Christie (06:07): "It’s smaller in here. Are people seeing this?"
• Ed Gamble (06:11): "We’re filming it a little bit, but they won't see the whole episode."

The conversation touches on previous recordings, the addition of new physical structures in the room, and Bridget's observations about the podcast environment.

---

3. Bridget’s Personal Health Anecdote (07:00 - 16:00)

Bridget shares a recent personal health scare, discussing a severe kidney stone experience and her ongoing struggle with a mysterious hernia-like condition.

• Bridget Christie (09:06): "I thought my guts had exploded two weeks ago... It was a kidney stone."
• James Acaster (12:25): "That’s how he worded it. That’s how he worded it."
• Bridget Christie (13:07): "I don't think I want this to go out."

Bridget humorously narrates her interactions with her doctor, using puns and wordplay around her condition, making light of an otherwise painful situation. This segment highlights Bridget's candidness and comedic flair even in discussing personal discomforts.

---

4. The Tasting Menu: Course by Course (16:00 - 57:18)

a. Drink Course (26:03 - 29:58)

Bridget is served Nick Muhammad's drink choice: still water with ice and orange and mango Robinsons squash.

• Bridget Christie (26:08): "I think he’s fantastic... Does he know that he's giving me stuff?"
• James Acaster (26:38): "So, we’re gonna present you with the menu of a former guest. That is what you’ll be having... and you can just give us your opinion on each course as we go along."

Bridget expresses her aversion to squash, preferring plain water or a glass of wine instead.

• Bridget Christie (27:37): "I’ve got no drink, but I’ve got a popper Dom with stuff."

b. Starter: Tortilla Lasagna (33:25 - 37:14)

The starter dish, Tortilla Lasagna, consists of layered tortilla chips with chili and cheese, resembling loaded nachos more than traditional lasagna.

• Bridget Christie (33:30): "Why have you made it smaller?"
• James Acaster (37:05): "Tortilla lasagna, from what I remember is a layer of nachos or a layer of tortilla chips."

Bridget recounts a past dating experience involving a similar dish, highlighting her disdain for unorthodox food combinations.

• Bridget Christie (34:00): "He made me this guy who was a really nice guy. ... I didn’t like it."

c. Main Course: Christmas Dinner Roast (37:14 - 43:52)

The main course features Nick’s Christmas dinner roast, including lamb, gravy, Yorkshire pudding, stuffed vine leaves, and others.

• Bridget Christie (40:14): "I’ve never eaten meat, except in France... I will not have lamb and gravy."
• James Acaster (42:50): "But we'll bring it out."

Bridget criticizes the assortment of dishes, particularly raw onions and sloppy stuffing, expressing her discomfort with the presentation and taste.

• Bridget Christie (42:27): "Horrible short penises."
• James Acaster (44:38): "This is one of our worst menus ever."

d. Dessert: Chocolate Fondant with Terry’s Chocolate Orange (56:24 - 58:53)

The dessert combines a chocolate fondant with pieces of Terry’s Chocolate Orange embedded within.

• Bridget Christie (56:35): "I don’t need the Terry’s in a chocolate fondant dessert."
• James Acaster (57:48): "Chocolate fondant with a Terry’s chocolate orange in the middle."

Bridget appreciates natural and simple ingredients but dislikes the forced combination in the dessert.

• Bridget Christie (58:22): "I like natural things... less is more."

---

5. Bridget’s Feedback and Reactions (29:00 - 62:05)

Throughout the tasting, Bridget provides candid and humorous feedback on each course, often expressing disappointment and frustration with the menu's lack of coherence and unappealing combinations.

• Bridget Christie (29:25): "Is this the rule? You can just do whatever you like?"
• Bridget Christie (44:45): "I think the squash might be the thing I might be the most angry about. I’m the takeaway."

Her reactions illustrate the challenge of the episode's format, where the guest must navigate through an intentionally poor menu, leading to comedic tension.

• Bridget Christie (51:14): "This has made me think that maybe it might be good to have a little chat, make sure he's okay."

The hosts, Ed and James, revel in Bridget's animated responses, finding humor in her critiques and the absurdity of the menu choices.

• James Acaster (64:47): "I really hope... I was laughing for most of that."
• Ed Gamble (65:00): "At one point, she was just staring me out."

---

6. Host Reflections and Closing (62:05 - End)

As the tasting concludes, Bridget expresses her overall dissatisfaction with the meal, feeling unfulfilled and let down despite her initial excitement.

• Bridget Christie (62:57): "I feel like, really let down."
• Ed Gamble (63:12): "About what would you like to enthuse now?"

The hosts acknowledge the experimental format's impact, noting Bridget's strong reactions as both humorous and entertaining.

• James Acaster (64:47): "I really hope... I was laughing for most of that."
• Ed Gamble (65:00): "At one point, she was just staring me out."

They wrap up by promoting the upcoming live tasting menus at the Royal Albert Hall, encouraging listeners to attend future episodes in person.

• James Acaster (65:50): "If people want to see the tasting menus live... The Royal Albert Hall. Does that sound like an okay venue to you?"
• Ed Gamble (66:14): "Tickets available now offmenupodcast.co.uk."

Bridget thanks her hosts for the experience, and the episode concludes with lighthearted banter about the evening's events.

• Bridget Christie (64:22): "Oh, thank you so much for having me."
• James Acaster (66:18): "Bye, bye, bye."

---

Notable Quotes:

• Bridget Christie:

  • "I thought my guts had exploded two weeks ago... It was a kidney stone." [09:06]
  • "This is one of our worst menus ever." [51:27]
  • "I have to say I've been so looking forward to today and I feel like, really let down." [62:57]

• James Acaster:

  • "Tortilla lasagna, from what I remember is a layer of nachos or a layer of tortilla chips." [36:38]
  • "I real hope... I was laughing for most of that." [64:47]

• Ed Gamble:

  • "We've accidentally tricked you. So I don't think it's technically." [40:56]
  • "At one point, she was just staring me out." [65:00]

---

Conclusion

In this episode of "Off Menu," Bridget Christie navigates the challenging and intentionally flawed tasting menu crafted from Nick Muhammad's preferences. Her honest and humorous critiques highlight the podcast's inventive format, blending comedy with genuine reactions to unconventional culinary choices. The episode underscores the hosts' commitment to creating engaging and entertaining content, inviting listeners to experience more of these unique interactions in future episodes and live events.

Transcript

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[Ed Gamble]

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[Ed Gamble]

Welcome to the Off Market menu podcast. Or is it James?

[James Acaster]

Or is it. It's another tasting menu.

[Ed Gamble]

Another tasting menu. Some of you may have heard the first tasting menu format that we did with the wonderful John Kearns. And now we're back for another bite of the cherrier.

[James Acaster]

Bridget Christie, should we say at the same time.

[Ed Gamble]

I wasn't gonna say we've got another bite of the cherry. Bridget Christie. I was gonna explain what the format was, just in case.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Explain what the format is actually.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we've got a secret special guest. Yes. It's a big surprise. And we invite a former guest back into the dream restaurant. But they don't get their dream meal. They get the dream meal of another former guest.

[James Acaster]

Yes. So, you know we have a fan favourite. Eating the meal of a fan favourite.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, exactly. And, guys, this is gonna blow your mind. The special guest having a tasting menu today is Bridget Christie. Bridget Christie, one of our absolute favorites. James, on the podcast, outside of the podcast, on stage, on screen. She's amazing.

[James Acaster]

A legendary. Very excited to have Bridget back. So many people have come up to me since Bridget's episode and said how much that's. They love that episodes. Their favorite one. We listen to it. So very excited that Bridget's coming back in and also very excited that the change is back. Bridget sitcom, the second series. It's all available now to watch on four.

[Ed Gamble]

Channel four dot com. Yeah, get yourself to channel four dot com. All of the episodes are now available for you to watch, but I'm guessing a lot of you have probably seen it already.

[James Acaster]

Hopefully.

[Ed Gamble]

So rewatch them, Rewatch them, Rewatch them and then rewatch them.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Now we do have to give Bridget a tasting menu, so we've had to pick another guest who's been on the podcast before. I just think of a menu that might, you know, appeal to Bridget or she might have some opinions on.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I think this time we've gone with a menu that Bridget might have some opinions on rather than appeal to her. Cause I think we've picked one of the menus that has absolutely no appeal to anyone apart from the original guest.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. And that original guest is Nick Muhammad.

[Ed Gamble]

Nick Muhammad's menu, famously one of the worst menus. Absolutely disgusting.

[James Acaster]

Yep. And I just like to hear Bridget's take on it. What Bridget thinks. Maybe we'll be surprised. Maybe some of this Bridget will actually really like. Maybe she'll love all of it and be like, I think this is delicious, actually. And you've all been too harsh on Nick.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, perhaps. I'm not sure, though. And also, it's just a great opportunity to catch up with Bridget, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

This is what these are good for. It's getting guests in and getting to pick their brains again. And, you know, with Jon, we sort of. We'd sort of talked about the menu he was given.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, we definitely did.

[Ed Gamble]

But, you know, the backbone of the conversation was other things.

[James Acaster]

Want to get to know. Get to know the guest even more.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. So I'm sure there'll be some tangent spinning, but it'll just be great to see Bridget again. No secret ingredient.

[James Acaster]

No secret ingredient.

[Ed Gamble]

She can't be kicked out.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

This is not the off menu. Menu of Bridget Christie. Welcome back, Bridget, to the dream restaurant.

[James Acaster]

Good to see you again, mate.

[Ed Gamble]

Hi, Bridget.

[Bridget Christie]

I thought you'd say more. Sorry. Thanks very much for having me.

[James Acaster]

You're drinking your short oats. Cortado.

[Bridget Christie]

Decaf.

[James Acaster]

Decaf cortado.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah. It's smaller in here. Are people seeing this?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, people will kind of. We are filming it a little bit, but they won't see the whole episode. But there'll be clips and they'll be able to see.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I used to be spying out this room. But you're not.

[Bridget Christie]

Cause this isn't the off menu. Off menu, is it?

[James Acaster]

No.

[Bridget Christie]

But is it the same room that you do that one and this one in?

[Ed Gamble]

What do you mean by all of that?

[Bridget Christie]

Well, this isn't the regular podcast, is it? Cause I've done that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, you've done that. So you're back and there's sort of a slightly new format that we're gonna explain to you.

[Bridget Christie]

Oh, great.

[Ed Gamble]

This isn't the off menu. Off menu. But this is where we do all of our episodes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Right. Physically, this is the room we do them in.

[Bridget Christie]

Why have you made it smaller?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I think the first time you did the show, this wasn't built yet. So we were just on a table in this room, but that wall wasn't there.

[Bridget Christie]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

And it wasn't ideal, that room.

[Bridget Christie]

You weren't in here.

[James Acaster]

It was just.

[Bridget Christie]

Ben wasn't in here.

[Ed Gamble]

Ben would have been in here. Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

You were in the room when we were recording.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Ben was in the room with us. Yeah, yeah. God, it was all four of us.

[Bridget Christie]

Were you sat behind me or something?

[James Acaster]

No one was sat behind you. We were sat all facing each other around a square table instead of a round one. Like A rectangular table.

[Bridget Christie]

Gosh, you produced that really well.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Almost invisible.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, but that's. Yeah. Now you know what it's like to be a middle aged lady.

[Ed Gamble]

There we go.

[James Acaster]

Who said that? But I guess it's smaller. Cause is this better for sound as well? It's like it keeps the. Yeah. It's not as echoey.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah. But it's harsh. Like there's hard surfaces everywhere. Usually you'd put like curtains up and stuff and carpet.

[Ed Gamble]

Mark my words. I think Ben has done an awful job with this.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, he did an awful job.

[Bridget Christie]

I don't think you've done a very good job.

[James Acaster]

Bridget is always so nice to people that when she even mock, isn't she can't take it.

[Bridget Christie]

You just take it back.

[James Acaster]

You span round in your chair and your eyes were like. I can't believe.

[Bridget Christie]

I just. I really. I did not mean a single word of it, you know. Is this the new format?

[James Acaster]

What do you mean what's the new format?

[Bridget Christie]

Talking about the materials of the room.

[James Acaster]

No, you introduced that.

[Ed Gamble]

You brought that up. Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So no, no, we don't bring them on and we talk about the materials in the room. No, that was just. You were asking.

[Bridget Christie]

What I was going to say was is this doing well? Is it going well for you, the.

[Ed Gamble]

Podcast or this new format, this new.

[Bridget Christie]

Talking about what the room's made of?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, no, but we don't. We've never done that before.

[Bridget Christie]

Oh, okay.

[Ed Gamble]

This is the first time we've done that. So this is a new format on top of the new format. But you've introduced. I can't stress enough. You introduced talking about the room.

[Bridget Christie]

Well, I'll have to play it back to check.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, sure. Yeah. Don't just take us on our wor.

[Bridget Christie]

I wouldn't.

[James Acaster]

You should listen to. Back to it. But I think in terms of like how that, how that format is going, this new one where we talk about the room pretty well for. Yeah. On paper it doesn't sound good, but I think actually it's going quite well.

[Bridget Christie]

I think you can talk about anything, can't you? Yes, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Is there anything you'd like to talk about apart from the room itself, that we can. We can just talk about that for a bit?

[Bridget Christie]

Well, something has come up which is that I thought my guts had exploded two weeks ago, honest to God. I was sat watching telly. Yeah. I was like, oh, I think I need the toilet. Well, oh no. Because this is a food podcast.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

No, I'll just tell you Anyway, because it's just happened.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

So I thought, either my appendix has burst.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

Or my guts have exploded. Either way.

[Ed Gamble]

Either one of those medical.

[Bridget Christie]

And I've had two children and this. What was happening to me was worse than contractions.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, God.

[Bridget Christie]

So I went to the downstairs toilet. My son was upstairs revising for his A levels. Didn't want to worry him. But I thought, you know, I've got quite a high pain threshold. But I was like. I was on the floor in the toilet for half an hour. Guess what it was.

[Ed Gamble]

What?

[Bridget Christie]

I didn't know what it was. It was a kidney stone.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I was going to guess that. That was going to be my first guess. Yeah. Because my wife's had those.

[Bridget Christie]

Oh, my God. Were you with her when she had a thing?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it was. Aw. It was absolutely horrendous.

[Bridget Christie]

Honestly, it was worse than having maybe not my first child, but it was worse than having my second child, who was quite small when she was born. Well, not. She was bigger than a kidney stone, but the pain of this was absolutely off the charts.

[Ed Gamble]

Did you go to the hospital?

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah. And they did a scan and they said, yeah, it's less than 5 millimeters.

[Ed Gamble]

So you just gotta pass it.

[Bridget Christie]

But why leave it in there, though? Anyway, that's not the thing that I was gonna say.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

When you passed it, did you have a nice cup of tea?

[Bridget Christie]

No, it's still in there.

[James Acaster]

Like when you gave birth.

[Bridget Christie]

It's in there.

[James Acaster]

I haven't passed it. When you do, will you have a nice cup of tea and some toast, like when you gave birth?

[Bridget Christie]

Oh, no, I will keep it, though. But I did say to the doctor, will I know when I've passed it? And he said, some people do and some people don't. Yeah, but wouldn't it make a dropping sound?

[Ed Gamble]

It depends. How. How big is it? I mean, it's four millimeters. Four millimeters. I'm not sure if that would make a dropping sound.

[James Acaster]

Not sure.

[Bridget Christie]

Depends how dense it is. Yeah, there's calcium, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

But the. The other thing is that I also have thought that I've had a hernia for about five years. No one can get to the bottom of it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

I have this thing that appears and disappears.

[Ed Gamble]

What is like a bump?

[Bridget Christie]

No, it's like a long. Can you take things out of this or. The only way I can describe it is just in front of my right hip is like a. It's like a big erection.

[Ed Gamble]

I hope you weren't asking Ben to take things out of this. Because you want that taken out of it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I mean, that's right.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I.

[Bridget Christie]

That's very unpleasant. Anyway, I've gone.

[James Acaster]

That has to stay in the edit budget.

[Bridget Christie]

Well, there's people. So it comes and go, but that's the only way to describe it, like that long and that sort of shape. Anyway, so I've been to see loads of different doctors and consultants, went to a gastroenterologist who did the other. The other weird scan where you have to get your blood injected with this weird stuff. So it shows up everything?

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Bridget Christie]

Is that an ultrasound or something?

[Ed Gamble]

Mri. Was it an mri?

[Bridget Christie]

Mri, yeah. So I had that and then he called me. And I remember I was on the. I was at Euston. I was going. I was on tour and I. You know, outside the front of Euston, there's the big concourse area. Is that word. Anyway, he called me and he said, well, I can't find a hernia, but two things. You've got a slipped disc and you're retaining shit. I said.

[James Acaster]

That'S how he worded it. That's how he worded it.

[Bridget Christie]

And then I laughed out loud and I said, doctor, are you telling me that I'm full of shit? And he said, in the 30 years of practice or something, no patient has ever said that to me when I've said that to them. And I said, well, I don't believe you. I think you're full of shit. And then he laughed and then we had a bit of a giggle about it. And I said, so is the erection.

[James Acaster]

Is that. What do you call it? That to him?

[Ed Gamble]

You called it the erection.

[James Acaster]

You said, is the erection full of shit? Do I have.

[Ed Gamble]

Is this big erection full of shit?

[James Acaster]

Do I have an erection on my body that is made of shit?

[Bridget Christie]

I don't think I want this to go out.

[Ed Gamble]

That's a shame.

[James Acaster]

It's a huge shame. Just for the listener, if you are hearing this, it's because Bridget said it was okay for it to go out.

[Bridget Christie]

Well, I mean, I can't describe it in any other. But I haven't had that poo. Erection. Should we call it?

[James Acaster]

Yep. Yeah. Yeah, we shall.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, we shall call it that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, we will have to call it that. I mean, there's no other word for it. Has he seen this before, the doctor?

[Ed Gamble]

So is that.

[Bridget Christie]

I don't think he had it described in those terms.

[Ed Gamble]

Is that so? The thing that keeps appearing is that just one. Is it like a one big poo?

[Bridget Christie]

I don't know what it is, but I haven't had one for ages, but I'm still going to the toilet.

[Ed Gamble]

You're still going to the toilet? Yeah. But you haven't seen the poo ection for a while.

[James Acaster]

Geez, we haven't even. We barely started.

[Bridget Christie]

I don't. Well, people won't be eating, will they?

[Ed Gamble]

No, they don't eat while they're listening to this. No, we talk about. We. I mean, not specifically that, but we talked about, you know, we talked about.

[Bridget Christie]

You know, people put out shows about their trauma and childhoods. I don't want to be Bridget Christie, the poo erection person. I don't want people to.

[James Acaster]

Ted Boner, the turd boner.

[Bridget Christie]

I don't want, you know, people to come and see me.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

With that.

[James Acaster]

Because of that, I don't think you need to worry about increasing ticket sales if this gets out into the world.

[Bridget Christie]

I can't be the only person that this has happened to, though, right?

[Ed Gamble]

No, nothing. There must be people listening who've had. Who will go, I've had a poor action.

[James Acaster]

But that's the thing, is that not enough people do talk about these things publicly. It can be embarrassing.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And you doing a great service to people.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Coming out publicly and saying, I sometimes in my body have a poo erection. And other people who think they're the only ones will feel less alone.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And less. Less weird. And we'll be like, oh, Bridget Christie, who's this iconic comedian made and already.

[Ed Gamble]

Known for lots of. Lots of things. So there's not. It's not like the poo action would supersede any of your previous creative works.

[James Acaster]

It won't come to define you. You just have a erection that is made completely of poo. That is. That comes and goes sometimes on your body.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Bridget Christie]

What might happen is a doctor might get in touch and say, it isn't feces.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

So that's the muscles contracting.

[Ed Gamble]

It sounds more muscular to me.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

It would seem unusual if it was just a whole poo that was still in your body, occasionally pushing itself to the surface of your skin.

[James Acaster]

And especially when it's the front.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

From what you describe, it's the front of your body.

[Ed Gamble]

It's just by my hip.

[James Acaster]

So it would have to, like, make the journey round from the back to there. And surely at some point.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I was thinking it was.

[James Acaster]

If it was poo.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You would see it move around, you.

[Bridget Christie]

Know, I would say.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think anyone was thinking it was a poo that was like, queued up, ready to go.

[Bridget Christie]

Have you seen A substance. When that bit of chicken moves around.

[James Acaster]

No, I've not seen the substance. Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

It's like. I didn't think that quite made sense.

[James Acaster]

Anyway, the change. Series two is out now. That's very exciting.

[Bridget Christie]

It is. It is out now.

[James Acaster]

First series. Everyone loved it. So good.

[Bridget Christie]

Thank you so much.

[James Acaster]

Congratulations.

[Bridget Christie]

Thank you.

[James Acaster]

The whole comedy community was very happy for you, which is rare, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

To have comedians will be all collectively be happy for another comedian.

[Bridget Christie]

People were really nice. I think that's just, you know, it's been, you know, been 20 years, I think. I think that might be, you know, it hasn't. I've not just got it quickly. That might be one.

[Ed Gamble]

You're nice and everyone thinks you're very good.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

So that helps.

[Bridget Christie]

Well, that. I mean, it's just. I mean, let's stop. No, that's very.

[Ed Gamble]

Let's talk about the purrection again.

[Bridget Christie]

No, no, I wish. I'd kind of have nightmares about that now.

[James Acaster]

I think you and me both. So this is very exciting. There's some new characters.

[Bridget Christie]

There are some new characters. There's a new Sister Watkins. Sister Eel Sister.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

Played by the magnificent Laura Checkley. And she just knocked it out of the park.

[James Acaster]

She does. I've seen the first two episodes because that's as a. But the time that we're recording this, they're not all released yet. But I did see the first two, so I went to the screening. It's fantastic.

[Ed Gamble]

But if you're listening to this now, they are all released.

[James Acaster]

They are currently.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

When you're listening to this. All released, but right now we're recording it and they're not.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

So I've only seen two.

[Bridget Christie]

I've seen all of them.

[James Acaster]

Did you. How do you wankle that?

[Bridget Christie]

I asked very nicely.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

No, she's brilliant. No, the cast is crazy. We had a list. You know, you have your A list and then people say, okay, you know, we're not gonna get them. We're not gonna get them. And we were so lucky. And it was just so fun.

[James Acaster]

What can you reveal about this series without giving too much away for the. For the listener? Well, the panic in your eyes.

[Bridget Christie]

You know, obviously they didn't want me to kill Linda off, but the main character. That was a joke. Lots happens. You know, there's a strike. Linda gets put on trial. Linda really kind of is finding herself a lot more. She's like gaining confidence as it goes on and, you know, gets up to all sorts and becomes this reluctant messiah for the Women who've found out about her ledger and that sort of takes off and she's just slowly kind of finding her voice a bit after a long time in the wilderness, you know, so that's. It's good to play her as well, because we talked a lot about at what point do we meet her? Like, do we meet her when. And she's still quite oppressed and quite quiet and not very confident and do we see a lot of stuff in flashback? But we decided to sort of meet her at the point at which she was still quite, you know, only working at sort of 30% of her potential. And I'd say the second series, she's probably up about to about 60, 70. So there's still a way to go with her.

[Ed Gamble]

There's room for at least one more series.

[Bridget Christie]

Oh, my God, totally. Yeah. She's just sort of finding her feet now, and I think that was the right thing to do. It's so hard with TV because you never know if you're going to get, you know, unless they commission multiple series at once, which nobody gets kind of nowadays, really, you want to write it in a way which is satisfying, but that leaves it open. So you can't sort of finish things off in a way, and you just hope and pray that you get another one. But you've got to see things, like, really early. And you might as well just do that in the writing process anyway. And then hopefully you'll get a chance to develop those characters and those backstories and all those little seeds that you've put in that you might not actually notice when you watch it once. But then if you watch the first series and the second series, you'll go, oh, that was quite a long game.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

You know, but I think that's the satisfying way to write. I like seeding things that are not necessarily, like, secrets, but they're little seeds of things that.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, you gotta let people know you've thought about it. Right. You've gotta put the effort in and invested in those early rather than just panicking and going, okay, well, at the end of this series, then maybe suddenly she's on top of a tall cliff and we don't know what's gonna happen, does it.

[James Acaster]

Not bad. Well, not bad.

[Bridget Christie]

Not bad at all.

[James Acaster]

So the format.

[Bridget Christie]

Oh, yes, yes.

[James Acaster]

This is a tasting menu for you. So we are gonna present you with the menu of a former guest. And that is what you'll be having in the Dream Restaurant today. And you can just give us your opinion on each course as we Go along.

[Bridget Christie]

Okay. Am I there by myself?

[Ed Gamble]

You don't have to be by yourself. If you'd like to bring some other people. Would you like to bring some other people to this?

[Bridget Christie]

Well, I just. Not if it's not the format.

[James Acaster]

No, you can.

[Ed Gamble]

No, you can.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's still the dream restaurant in the sense that it can be wherever you want and you can bring whoever you want, but the food you're receiving is not your dream menu.

[Bridget Christie]

It's non negotiable what I eat.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, it's non negotiable what you eat.

[Bridget Christie]

That feels like quite a violation.

[Ed Gamble]

That's what we hoped. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

It's like because you're putting something in me that I might not want.

[James Acaster]

I think we've talked about certain things that are in you that you might not want, and I think this is the least of your worries.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. But also, as part of this, what we're not doing is we're not holding you down and force feeding you like a goose.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, we won't.

[Ed Gamble]

We're not treating you like a goose.

[James Acaster]

We won't treat you like a goose.

[Bridget Christie]

You know, it's. There's a lot of things I like about France, but that is not one. But I do feel a bit like a goose.

[Ed Gamble]

You feel a bit like a goose.

[Bridget Christie]

We'll see how we go. I mean, it may be that I like everything and then that's fine, but. Oh, what do you think about this? Well, what do you think about people being. What's going on? How do you feel about people being tricked? No, because I don't agree. I can't say what I think it is like, but I think that being tricked, not that show. Is it a cake or is it a bottle of bleach? You know, when they make things that look like.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, they're not tricking people on that. Everyone's entering into that.

[Bridget Christie]

But I was tricked once and I cried and cried.

[Ed Gamble]

How are you tricked?

[Bridget Christie]

Well, do you want me to tell you what it was?

[Ed Gamble]

Please.

[Bridget Christie]

It was a horse.

[Ed Gamble]

What was a horse?

[Bridget Christie]

I was 15. I was 15 or 16 and I was with some bikers and I don't know why. Well, I was in France and all I had eaten, by the way, was I was totally bunged up for two weeks because all I ate was laughing cow cheese and baguettes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, that'll do it.

[Bridget Christie]

But we went somewhere.

[Ed Gamble]

Just eating glue. For a week.

[Bridget Christie]

No, not for a week. I mean, I didn't eat meat. Oh, by the way, I'm not a vegan. Anymore. But anyway, that's how I got a kidney stone. I'll tell you about that. In France, in the mountains or something. There wasn't anything else. I never really ate meat, but someone said, oh, here's. I can't remember what they said it was. And I was like, I don't like it. And I got really upset because I didn't eat meat anyway. And then they said, because I didn't speak French either, and I think I saw Chaval somewhere also. But then. But then people laughed because it was a horse.

[Ed Gamble]

You'd eaten horse meat one bit. Yeah. Not a horse. You'd not eaten a whole horse, but you ate some.

[James Acaster]

You had a horse meat.

[Bridget Christie]

I don't think I'll ever get over that.

[James Acaster]

No. Well, that. That is bad.

[Bridget Christie]

It's like a donkey, you know?

[James Acaster]

Yes. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Quite similar.

[Bridget Christie]

Or a Shetland pony or something. But it is an interesting conversation because I think that, you know, we love dog. You know, Ben's got a beautiful little dog that to me is no different from a. Well, what's another animal that people wouldn't think is cute? A, you know, a sea anemone. You know, that's. You know those ones that the mouth is also its anus.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

That. Eating that is the same probably as eating a. Like a poodle or a cat or something, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it was different. There's different.

[Bridget Christie]

No, it is the same.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Bridget Christie]

Maybe I was wondering the other day if. If I. If what are those not cockles. What are those shell things on rocks? Barnacles.

[Ed Gamble]

Barnacles, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

If they would grow on a person.

[James Acaster]

They do in the Walking Dead. In the. Some zombies have them on them.

[Bridget Christie]

Are you serious?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. The ones who are on the seaside.

[Bridget Christie]

That is gross. A zombie with barnacles. Yeah, that is. That's probably one of the. My worst nightmares.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

What. What is it about the barnacle specifically that makes it your worst nightmare?

[Bridget Christie]

Well, you know, I've got triophobia, which is a fear of holes.

[Ed Gamble]

Right. Okay.

[Bridget Christie]

I also don't like the idea of round things stuck on you or growing on you.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Bridget Christie]

And. And that is. Imagine lots of barnacles on. On you.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

But on a. On a dead.

[Ed Gamble]

On a zombie anyway.

[Bridget Christie]

On a zombie.

[Ed Gamble]

Which is scary anyway.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, scary anyway. Really scary because it's sort of decaying and. What. Sorry, what were we talking?

[James Acaster]

So we'll give you a tasting menu of another guest. Shall we tell you the guest now?

[Bridget Christie]

God, I'd love to know who's. Who.

[James Acaster]

It is Nick Muhammad.

[Bridget Christie]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

What do you think of him?

[Bridget Christie]

I think he's fantastic.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

I think he's so funny, and he's got such great energy. Really good vibes I get from him.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, very good vibes. He's a lovely man.

[Bridget Christie]

Does he know that he's giving me stuff?

[Ed Gamble]

No, I don't think so. We've not told him, have we, Ben?

[James Acaster]

We've not run it by him, no.

[Bridget Christie]

Why didn't you do that?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I think he'll be happy either way. I don't think he'll have a problem with. With it because, you know, this is the menu he did on the podcast, so people know his menu.

[Bridget Christie]

Why did you choose him his menu?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, that might become clear as we go through.

[James Acaster]

We thought you would find it interesting.

[Bridget Christie]

Well, we'll see.

[James Acaster]

We'll see. As you know, we always start with still, a sparkling water. Nick chose still water with ice and with orange and mango Robinsons in it.

[Bridget Christie]

What? Sorry, what? I was going, ah, we've got so much in common. Because I love water and ice.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

What does he put in it?

[James Acaster]

Orange and mango Robinson Squash squash.

[Ed Gamble]

Orange and mango squash.

[James Acaster]

What?

[Bridget Christie]

What? How is he gonna eat with that mess in his mouth? How old is he as well?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Well, this week I'd say we talked to Nick about squash for over 20 minutes. Yeah, he loves squash.

[Bridget Christie]

Maybe on a hot day when you're not eating anything or you' you're playing, you know, running or something, you know, even then I just have water.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So you're not. You're not a fan of squash?

[Bridget Christie]

Well, I'm not having it.

[James Acaster]

You won't drink this?

[Bridget Christie]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

When was the last time you had squash?

[Bridget Christie]

Well, actually, that is a good question, because when I was young, we had lemon barley water, and I'm very emotionally attached to that. And actually, I remember the residue on the top of the bottle.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Bridget Christie]

And if I think about lemon barley water, I'll just think about Gloucester in the summer in the early 1970s. So. But even having said that, I will not be having squash with my meal.

[James Acaster]

Orange and mango.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm quite cross about it. Orange and mango, I'm not having.

[Bridget Christie]

I mean, is there a rule?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I guess. Well, we can't. We're not gonna actually force anything.

[James Acaster]

We'll bring it all to the table. You don't have to. It's like if you went to a, you know, a restaurant where they do a tasting menu.

[Bridget Christie]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

You don't have to eat everything they put in front of you.

[Bridget Christie]

Sorry, can I just establish some friends?

[James Acaster]

Yep.

[Bridget Christie]

If I don't have the child's squash, which is going to ruin everything.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

Am I just gonna be thirsty?

[James Acaster]

No. There's this drink course like that.

[Ed Gamble]

There's a drink coming up later.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, but can I not have any water?

[Ed Gamble]

No, the water course is.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's all the water.

[Ed Gamble]

That's the water. That's what we've got. Because it's next stream on a technicality.

[Bridget Christie]

You are not giving me a choice of water.

[James Acaster]

This is the water.

[Ed Gamble]

This is the water choice. But Nick's already made it for you.

[Bridget Christie]

Because it's got squash in it.

[James Acaster]

But that's the water choice. That's the water that we have in the restaurant today. We haven't got anything else. We just got still water with ice and orange and mango Robinsons.

[Bridget Christie]

I think a rule has been broken. It's like saying, you know, water isn't. Water is just as much as the ingredient in that, as the. All the chemicals in the squash.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but that's how it comes out the kitchen.

[Bridget Christie]

I'm not having the squash.

[James Acaster]

But we'll bring it out.

[Ed Gamble]

We'll bring it out anyway.

[James Acaster]

We'll put it on the table.

[Bridget Christie]

It's a waste of squash. So I don't. I don't want to see it.

[Ed Gamble]

No, we'll put it under a little blanket.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

Like one of those birds.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, one of those birds.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Put it under a little black. You don't have to drink it if you don't want to. But that's all the wok we've got in the restaurant.

[Bridget Christie]

I'm really already disappointed.

[Ed Gamble]

Do your kids have squash?

[Bridget Christie]

There are big water fans. Yeah, we have. I've got some squash in the cupboard, but we don't have it. I've just remembered what I made for the first time at 53.

[James Acaster]

Oh, it's three years after we laughed.

[Bridget Christie]

I know.

[Ed Gamble]

Quite late on in the podcast for you to say your age.

[Bridget Christie]

Normally it's straight out the gate quite quickly. Homemade lemonade, which is the easiest thing. Oh, my God. Chop up a lemon, everything. Leave everything on it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, Right.

[Bridget Christie]

All the bits, however. Well, I would do four. Chop up a lemon. Pop it in a, you know, your bullet or whatever. A bit of sugar, bit of water. Oh, my God.

[Ed Gamble]

So you're whizzing.

[Bridget Christie]

Unbelievable.

[Ed Gamble]

You're whizzing up the whole. The whole lemon.

[Bridget Christie]

Just put the whole lemon in it.

[James Acaster]

I love it.

[Bridget Christie]

And then put it in a jug with loads of ice. Maybe a bit of mint on the top. It's just.

[James Acaster]

Well, that's exactly like this.

[Bridget Christie]

No, it isn't.

[James Acaster]

Like the same as what we've just given you.

[Bridget Christie]

No, it isn't.

[James Acaster]

That's the same.

[Bridget Christie]

No, it isn't. You haven't chopped up a mango. And what was the other thing in it? And an orange.

[James Acaster]

Oranges and lemons are pretty similar.

[Bridget Christie]

No, I don't, like, fake, like, you know, things that, you know, artificially. That flavor. I'm not having the squash. I don't know why you keep.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, it'll be sponsored by squash. It'll be. It'll be under a blanket.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So you don't ever need to look at it. Okay.

[Bridget Christie]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

But you'll know it's there.

[James Acaster]

And just to make you feel better, we make some homemade lemonade and we'll send it to Nick Mohammed's house so Nick can have some homemade lemonade.

[Bridget Christie]

Don't do that. Just get him to make it himself.

[James Acaster]

That's what you'd like to enjoy it.

[Bridget Christie]

If it's, you know, the most enjoyable thing is making something that's really easy from scratch and then giving it to your loved ones. There's nothing beats that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

You know that lemonade, you know, it's got a massive carbon footprint.

[James Acaster]

It's got poppadoms or bread now what are you hoping for?

[Bridget Christie]

I mean, a popper dome.

[James Acaster]

Congratulations.

[Ed Gamble]

Congratulations.

[Bridget Christie]

Great.

[James Acaster]

That's what it is with all the dips and the onion salad.

[Bridget Christie]

Lovely.

[James Acaster]

So you're happy now that's worked out now.

[Bridget Christie]

Well, I'm overthinking now because I don't know what's coming, do I?

[James Acaster]

But for now, we're back in the black.

[Bridget Christie]

Okay. It's fine.

[James Acaster]

This is good. Now we're not.

[Bridget Christie]

Okay, great.

[James Acaster]

We were in negative equity earlier.

[Bridget Christie]

I've got no drink, but I've got a popper Dom with. With stuff.

[James Acaster]

All the dips, everything.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, lovely.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you have a favorite of the dips?

[Bridget Christie]

Well, I like the mango chutney.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

I like the. What's the yogurt with little green bits?

[Ed Gamble]

The writer.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, love that.

[Ed Gamble]

So this has worked out well.

[Bridget Christie]

So, yeah, onion salad, like. Lovely.

[Ed Gamble]

It was a bad start with the squash.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting you to be so anti squash.

[Bridget Christie]

No, I'm quite anti squash with a meal. Yeah, very much so.

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[James Acaster]

The starter. We'll just move on to the starter.

[Bridget Christie]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

Tortilla lasagna.

[Bridget Christie]

Sorry?

[James Acaster]

Tortilla lasagna.

[Bridget Christie]

Right. Can I just clear something up?

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Bridget Christie]

What is this business of putting two things together? Right. I went on a date. Do you know about this? Is this why you've picked this?

[James Acaster]

Didn't know you'd go on a date?

[Bridget Christie]

No, no, no. 20 years ago.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Bridget Christie]

Is this why you picked this menu?

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[Bridget Christie]

Okay. With Nick Muhammad, he made me this guy who was a really nice guy.

[Ed Gamble]

Not Nick Muhammad.

[Bridget Christie]

No, no, they did. No.

[Ed Gamble]

This is nothing you talked about on Puppy's Flatshare Slam down.

[Bridget Christie]

Is it jacket potato pizza?

[Ed Gamble]

No, the man who.

[Bridget Christie]

Oh, it gets much better. Okay. No, it gets much better.

[Ed Gamble]

No, not that one.

[Bridget Christie]

No, it does. Listen, look, I'd met him once, then went to his flat. Normal, not really. Nice guy and nurse. I like pizzas and I like jacket potatoes. This was a base with no tomato. Nothing with a jacket potato on top with no filling. And I said, oh, oh, what's. What's that? And he went, a jacket potato pizza. And I went, oh, yeah, great. This is the thing.

[Ed Gamble]

Did he say that aggressively as well?

[Bridget Christie]

Not aggressive?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, it just as in, he was a bit defensive.

[James Acaster]

Matter of fact.

[Bridget Christie]

What do you think it is? Yeah. Jack potato pizza. It was the combination of things with no toppings or anything.

[Ed Gamble]

Just a dry potato and a dry pizza base.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, but baked and then a base made.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. So he put just a plain pizza base, just the bread in the oven. Jacket potato also in the oven, I guess.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Bought them out, put the jacket potato in the dead center of the pizza base and then served it to you.

[Bridget Christie]

Yep. But then guess what happened. Well, nothing did happen. Let me reassure you of that. But the next thing that happened was he. Well, things were heading in a certain direction, let's say. And this, like I say, this is 20 years ago. 20 years ago when he Undid his trousers. He had another pair of trousers on underneath. So the meal was strange. And I said, oh, I've got. This is something that people say to me or they've said to me all my life. Not that I'm a passion killer, but I ask too many questions. So he was at, oh, it doesn't matter, you know, I've got two pairs of trousers on. I was like, no, it. Because I just need to clear it up, you know, it's like, no, I didn't, you know. And I was like, why have you got two pairs of trousers? He said, oh, it was a bit nippy. And I was like, yeah, but people don't wear, like, two things of something if they're cut. Like, that's why we've got different items of clothing. You wear a jacket and a shirt and a jumper, or you don't wear two hats, you know, or two pairs of shoes. And he was like, well, why would I spend money on buying, like, Long John's or something when I've got two pairs of trousers? But there is some logic in that. But I think just with the potato combination, this is the thing, like the combination of his meal and the doubling up on the trousers, it's like, what's next?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

And his twin's gonna come out or something.

[James Acaster]

Tortilla lasagna, from what I remember is a layer of nachos or a layer of tortilla chips.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Then a layer of, like, chili.

[Bridget Christie]

No, I might.

[James Acaster]

And then a layer of. It's just like loaded nachos, really. That's all it is. But Nick calls it tortilla lasagna, but it's not really a tortilla lasagna. It's just like when you get nachos from the pub and they're layered up like meat, cheese, nachos.

[Bridget Christie]

Oh, it isn't a lasagna.

[James Acaster]

No, he just calls it that because, like, it does go in the oven.

[Ed Gamble]

So it's like nachos. Oven baked nachos, basically.

[Bridget Christie]

Sorry, is this his starter?

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, it's a starter.

[Ed Gamble]

This is.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. He likes making it at home.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm sure you're considering it, but is it. Is it the fact that it's two things, the two things together which shouldn't be together.

[James Acaster]

If I said. If I had said loaded nachos is the, you know, the start of his nachos. Would you feel better about it if it was just called nachos? Because it's basically.

[Bridget Christie]

I mean, I'll. I'LL have it. You know, it's just a bit of a mess.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, it's definitely messy to eat.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, very messy.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

You know, and it's kind of crisps and not crisps, but, you know.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, we'll tortilla chips and.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And I'm guessing when it's baked in the oven with the chili on and stuff, the crisps become quite soggy as well.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, I. I once finished with somebody, I finished with an ax. Yeah. Because, oh, I was so angry. And I watched him doing it and I was like, well, I'm never going to be seeing you again. He said, oh, can I have some of your dessert? And I eat my dessert so neatly.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

You know, really, it was a beautiful cake and it was very straight and clean. Just messed the whole thing up.

[Ed Gamble]

He messed the cake up.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And then you broke up with him.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So you gave him, what, the fork or the spoon? What was it? Spoon.

[Bridget Christie]

No, he just got in there. I didn't give him anything. He used. He just used his own spoon to destroy my dessert.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Were things heading in the wrong direction with him anyway, or was that. Was it all going fine? And then the cake thing happened.

[Bridget Christie]

I was. I hope I don't come across as quite bad.

[James Acaster]

No, you don't.

[Ed Gamble]

No, not at all.

[James Acaster]

No, not at all.

[Bridget Christie]

Because I also didn't go on a date when the guy turned up because he was wearing red dungaree.

[James Acaster]

Totally fair. I mean, I'm on your side.

[Bridget Christie]

I opened the door and then I had to fake being really ill immediately. Yeah. I sort of went, oh, Ah. I don't feel so good, actually.

[Ed Gamble]

So that guy, what was he wearing? He was obviously wearing something different when you met him.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah. Like all leathers.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

Like a sort of a biker guy.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

And then he turned up like. Like, who's that bloke on CBBC?

[Ed Gamble]

Mr. Tumble.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You can't. You can't go to date with Mr. Tumble.

[Bridget Christie]

From Keanu Reeves to Mr. Tumble.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Reads to Tumble.

[Bridget Christie]

I feel like it's, you know, not misrepresentation, but I don't think that you can just completely change.

[James Acaster]

You agreed on false pretenses.

[Ed Gamble]

Worst thing was, Bridget, he had another pair of red dungarees under he doubled.

[James Acaster]

Auntaree. So the main course is chosen. Christmas dinner. Roast. A roast. Christmas dinner. So this is the main and this is the sides as well. So this is also the dream side for Nick. Just all in the main. So you're gonna have lamb gravy? No, I Won't Yorkshire pud.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I mean. Strap in, Bridget, if you're already saying.

[James Acaster]

No, why won't you have lamb and gravy?

[Bridget Christie]

I've never. Apart from in France, that tiny corner of a bit of horse. I've never eaten meat.

[Ed Gamble]

But you're not vegan anymore.

[James Acaster]

I mean, you've already eaten the tortilla lasagna that had beef all the way through it.

[Bridget Christie]

No. That. It was corn, obviously.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, this is. Next menu. No, no, that's.

[Bridget Christie]

Maybe we didn't say what the ingredients.

[James Acaster]

Was the tortilla design. Yeah, we did. We say it was layered up. So it's the tortilla chips, then. Like chili. Yo. Beefs.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah. Made with.

[James Acaster]

Can I then.

[Bridget Christie]

No one said beef.

[Ed Gamble]

We should have been more clear. But you've had it now you've eaten it.

[James Acaster]

Now you've had.

[Ed Gamble]

You enjoy it.

[Bridget Christie]

No, I haven't had it.

[James Acaster]

We didn't mean to trick you like the bikers. But that is what we've done.

[Ed Gamble]

We've accidentally tricked you. So I don't think it's technically.

[Bridget Christie]

But I assumed it was Quorn mince. You know, with a Q, U, O.

[Ed Gamble]

R, n. No, no, no.

[James Acaster]

I mean.

[Bridget Christie]

Oh, no. Well, there's just no way I will have had any of it. Unless you want to pay for my therapy for a year. We'll have to. I've. I haven't had a drink yet.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

And I haven't had a starter. And I'm not having this main either.

[James Acaster]

Well, you haven't heard.

[Ed Gamble]

There might be some bits that you.

[Bridget Christie]

Okay, go on, then. No, no lamb yet.

[James Acaster]

Gravy? Yorkshire puddings.

[Bridget Christie]

No.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

Why not?

[Bridget Christie]

I'll have a Yorkshire pudding.

[James Acaster]

Rice.

[Bridget Christie]

Sorry, it's.

[James Acaster]

It's Christmas dinner. Roast.

[Bridget Christie]

Sorry.

[James Acaster]

Rice is what Nick has every year.

[Bridget Christie]

Gravy.

[James Acaster]

This is what Nick has.

[Ed Gamble]

Rice and gravy.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

Okay. Carry on.

[James Acaster]

Leftover Chinese food. Pigs in blankets.

[Bridget Christie]

I just can't. Okay, so, so far I've got lamb.

[James Acaster]

Lamb. Gravy.

[Bridget Christie]

No gravy.

[James Acaster]

No Yorkshire pudding.

[Ed Gamble]

Yorkshire's rice.

[James Acaster]

Rice.

[Bridget Christie]

No, Principle.

[James Acaster]

I'm not eating leftover Chinese food. Pigs in blankets.

[Bridget Christie]

No.

[James Acaster]

Meatball.

[Bridget Christie]

Is this on one plate?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. This is the main course.

[Ed Gamble]

It's Christmas dinner.

[James Acaster]

This isn't extreme. Main course, Stuffed vine leaves.

[Bridget Christie]

No carrots.

[Ed Gamble]

So why not stuffed vine leaves? I thought you'd have liked stuffed vine leaves.

[Bridget Christie]

I don't like them. They look disgusting.

[Ed Gamble]

Why? They're perfect little parcels.

[Bridget Christie]

Tell you what they look like to me.

[James Acaster]

Uh.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

Horrible short penises.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Okay, well, that's ruined them for everyone now.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Carrots?

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah. 100 peas? Yes.

[James Acaster]

Sweet corn?

[Bridget Christie]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Green beans?

[Bridget Christie]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Roast potatoes?

[Bridget Christie]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Hot pepper sauce?

[Bridget Christie]

No.

[James Acaster]

Raw onion. He has. He has a raw onion in Christmas dinner.

[Ed Gamble]

His mum especially. I think he said his mum has, like a bit of big bit of raw onion when they're having a roast. She just nibbles. She just nibbles on it.

[Bridget Christie]

Lovely. Onions are fantastic.

[James Acaster]

And last but not least, sloppy stuffing.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, would you like to take. Take you through what sloppy stuffing means?

[Bridget Christie]

No, I don't, because I've. I've got some ideas.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, he just makes the packet stuffing with water, you know, like the paxo stuff. And he puts too much water in it deliberately. Deliberately. And does it in the microwave. And then it's almost stuffing. You can pour like a gravy, like a sort of. Like a thick gravy or a sloppy stuffing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, sloppy stuffing.

[Bridget Christie]

Okay, I'll have half the slop. Really, I will.

[Ed Gamble]

I never would have thought someone would have turned down the stuffed vine leaves and accepted the sloppy stuffing.

[Bridget Christie]

Well, I have.

[James Acaster]

Why, what's your. What you like the sound of it?

[Bridget Christie]

Because all that's changed is the consistency of it. So stuffing has got lovely herbs and things like that. It's vegan, I think.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

It's only. He's only added water to it, so it's going to taste the same as long as it's nice and hot. Pretty good.

[James Acaster]

So you've got basically carrots and parsnips and peas and sweet corn and green beans and roast potatoes, a raw onion. And the sloppy stuffing, that's what you would like to keep of that. And Yorkshire. You have a Yorkshire.

[Bridget Christie]

I'll have that on the side, I think, or in the middle, you know, with all the veggies around it.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, no, but I mean, it's all coming on the plate, though.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah. We'll bring all of it out. You'll just eat round the bits you don't like.

[Bridget Christie]

Is it gonna be touching the.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I guess so. It's a roast dinner.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

Well, that's a shame.

[James Acaster]

It's an extreme menu.

[Bridget Christie]

I know. And I don't want to be rude about his dream menu, but I suppose I've got to be honest.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

I think that people should eat things that they don't want to.

[Ed Gamble]

No. And you don't have to eat it. But it is all coming on the.

[Bridget Christie]

Same relationship, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, again, that's not what we were aiming for with the format, but.

[Bridget Christie]

Well, you Know, food is huge, right?

[Ed Gamble]

Food is huge.

[Bridget Christie]

It's all I think about all day.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

So you can't make people. You know, there's all these stories about kids being made to eat fat and stuff, isn't there? I just think it can mess you up for life, really.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, we're not. We're not trying to mess you up for life.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

And you don't have to eat, it seems. No, no, no, you don't have to eat this, but it will be on the plate.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. We bring it out to you like. Like they would have tasted menu and just put it down in front of you and you can eat the bits you like.

[Bridget Christie]

You're. Because you're with me. You're my guests, by the way.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, lovely.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, then, straight away, first thing you can do is all the bits that you don't want. Lamb, all of that.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Pop them on my plate.

[Bridget Christie]

Will you have them?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. And then you can. You can have my spare veg.

[Bridget Christie]

That's a good idea.

[Ed Gamble]

We'll do swapsies.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, yeah. Really good idea.

[James Acaster]

Great.

[Ed Gamble]

And then hopefully it's less like an abusive relationship.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, that would be. That would be really great.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I'm not eating this.

[Bridget Christie]

You're not having it either.

[James Acaster]

I'm gonna order something else. This is not my taste. It's not for me. I don't like it. I'll order something else.

[Bridget Christie]

Is that the rule? Is it, that you can just do whatever you like?

[James Acaster]

I'm a guest.

[Bridget Christie]

So am I.

[James Acaster]

Well, but I'm your guest.

[Bridget Christie]

Making it up as he goes along.

[Ed Gamble]

Sloppy stuffing is one of the worst things I've ever heard about. When Nick came on this podcast, by the way, I don't know if you've spotted yet. This menu is very bad. So we've given you a bad menu.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, it's like. It's making me feel unwell.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

I feel like after this, you know, I'll go home and I'll be like, you gotta look after yourself, Bridge. Come on. You can't be eating like that.

[James Acaster]

But the leftover Chinese food that.

[Bridget Christie]

You know that with the roast dinner.

[James Acaster]

I could be vegetarian. Stomach growl. That means you liked it.

[Bridget Christie]

Well, they. They gave me nothing when I arrived. No, I gotta be. You know, I gotta look after myself now. You know, the. I think the kidney stone is from eating a lot of tofu.

[Ed Gamble]

Right.

[Bridget Christie]

And spinach, which was my staple, because I love tofu and spinach. They're very. Foods high in oxalates, which I've got to avoid now and I've got to avoid salt.

[Ed Gamble]

Right, so you're off tofu now for a bit. Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Just feel like. Yeah. That main course maybe doesn't meet those requirements.

[Bridget Christie]

Give me what I need. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Quite a lot of salt, I think.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

Well, I'm not eating any of the. I've only got the veg and the Yorkshire pudding, haven't I?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's true.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

Could I have a bit of mustard or something?

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think so. Let me have a look.

[James Acaster]

Not on the menu.

[Ed Gamble]

Not on the menu.

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[James Acaster]

Race the sails.

[Ed Gamble]

Race the sails.

[James Acaster]

Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching. Over.

[Bridget Christie]

Roger, wait.

[Ed Gamble]

Is that an enterprise sales solution?

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[James Acaster]

So the drink is a very cold Riesling and a Coca Cola.

[Bridget Christie]

Well, I wouldn't have the Coke, but I'd have the glass of wine.

[Ed Gamble]

So Nick went to a. Him and his wife went to a wine tasting thing where they tasted loads of different Rieslings and they had to rate them as to what they thought of them. And they just about halfway through they got so pissed they started writing down that they were. 111 out of 10.

[Bridget Christie]

Are you supposed to like spit them out?

[Ed Gamble]

I think there's a sense of that. They probably should have spat them out, but I think they're enjoying a night off and they just necked them.

[Bridget Christie]

They just went for it.

[Ed Gamble]

But Riesling's good stuff. Are you a fan of Riesling?

[Bridget Christie]

I don't. My niece is a sommelier, so she's absolute genius with wine, but I don't really know one from the other.

[Ed Gamble]

But if you've got someone like that in your life, you can just trust them to tell you the nice stuff to drink.

[James Acaster]

Right.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah. I should be texting her a lot, but, yeah, she's fantastic. She's really highly, highly skilled.

[Ed Gamble]

Does she work in a. In a restaurant?

[Bridget Christie]

She works for a. This is bad now. A Scottish brewery A bit. And I've. It's completely gone from my mind.

[James Acaster]

That's okay.

[Bridget Christie]

A really huge. I don't know if you know any.

[James Acaster]

A huge, huge. A huge Scottish.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah. That I've talked about many times and I just cannot remember anything.

[Ed Gamble]

Tenants. I was thinking of Scottish breweries.

[Bridget Christie]

No, sorry, no, he wasn't asking if.

[James Acaster]

You have people living in your house. Yeah, that's what I thought.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, so they're not a brewery, they're a whiskey distillery.

[Bridget Christie]

Distillery, yes. Sorry. See, I even got that word. I did a gig in a. In a distillery the other day.

[James Acaster]

Did you?

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, no, brewery. Oh, my God.

[Ed Gamble]

Nick's meal's going down very well.

[Bridget Christie]

Well, I will have the wine, but I won't have the Coke.

[Ed Gamble]

Why won't you have the Coke?

[Bridget Christie]

Just too carbonated, too sweet, too flavors, you know, with food. It's water or a nice wine, I think.

[Ed Gamble]

Right, okay.

[Bridget Christie]

Or nothing.

[James Acaster]

Well, we've bought it out on the table.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, but I won't drink it.

[James Acaster]

Should we cover it up again?

[Bridget Christie]

It could go under with the squash, couldn't it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, put it under there.

[Bridget Christie]

Would he be drinking them, like, at the same time?

[Ed Gamble]

I guess so. I guess he's going back and forth.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, he likes to have both. But I'm with you. I'd just stick to. If I was having. If I'm not drinking at a meal, I might have a Diet Coke or something.

[Bridget Christie]

Can I say something really mean?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

This meal is so, like, I've got no respect for it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

That I probably would have the Coke even if I. You know what I mean? I'm not ruining anything.

[Ed Gamble]

You're not ruining the flavor of all of the food, are you? So you may as well down the code.

[Bridget Christie]

It's an abomination. Is that too strong?

[James Acaster]

No, it's not too strong.

[Ed Gamble]

No. This is. This is one of our worst menus ever.

[James Acaster]

Yes. Notoriously, one of the worst menus ever. I had to completely reassess how I viewed Nick.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Does it change what you think of him as a person? Because at the top, obviously, you said, he's so lovely and in such a wonderful spirit. Has it changed your mind on him?

[Bridget Christie]

It's made me think that maybe it might be good to have a little chat, make sure he's okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Because he wasn't doing this for a joke.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[James Acaster]

When he was telling us this, he wasn't like, this will be funny. This is genuinely his dream meal. Like he was just honest. Like, this is what he wants.

[Bridget Christie]

And he. And has he had that?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, he's eating all these. What he has for Christmas dinner every.

[Ed Gamble]

Year he has for Christmas dinner with the rice.

[James Acaster]

He makes tortilla lasagne at home. Yeah. He loves. He loves Robinson squash, all of it.

[Bridget Christie]

There's nothing wrong with any of the things, but it isn't a dream, I don't think.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. He very much picked things that he would have maybe twice a week anyway because they do a quick roast at home, him and his wife. They do like a small version of it where it be like chicken breast, gravy in the microwave, stuffing in the microwave.

[Bridget Christie]

That's already better, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you think?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, just sound better.

[Bridget Christie]

So.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I like the sound of the meatballs and the stuffed vine leaves with the pigs and blankets. I think, Les.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. But remember this? The stuffed vine leaves, they look like.

[Bridget Christie]

Horrible, small, horrible penises.

[James Acaster]

Small, horrible penises. Yeah. Do you want us to cover those up? Because we're obviously going to put. I'm what? Wrapped up.

[Ed Gamble]

They're wrapped up.

[James Acaster]

Oh, so, so sorry.

[Ed Gamble]

You were imagining the vine leaf being the skin of the penis.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Like looks like a small hobble penis. But you're saying when you see it, you're like, someone's inside that vine leaf.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It's a horrible small penis.

[Bridget Christie]

No, but I think the vine leaf does look like the skin.

[Ed Gamble]

That's the skin. The green skin of a penis.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah. Like, of a. Of like an evil goblin or something, you know, and that's what. You know, when you see them in supermarkets, you can see is six evil.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

Castrated goblins.

[James Acaster]

Like in a Tolkien.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah. Just.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

You know, or a David lynch show or something. You know what I mean? Horrible, nasty. Or gnomes, you know.

[James Acaster]

Oh, somehow scarier.

[Bridget Christie]

Sellotape vine leaves to a load of gnomes bodies and put them around your garden. In fact, I might, I might just do that.

[Ed Gamble]

Be a good prank in the local neighborhood, wouldn't it? It would go out in the middle of the night sellotaping stuffed vine leaves to all the crotches of the garden gnomes.

[Bridget Christie]

It would make them look so sinister.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it would. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. What if their dicks were out yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

They haven't got any, actually, have they?

[Ed Gamble]

Garden gnomes?

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

We never see them. They got dicks.

[Bridget Christie]

Have they?

[James Acaster]

They must have. Underneath their trousers.

[Bridget Christie]

Who told you that?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, for Taskmaster, one of my prize tasks was I bought a garden gnome, which. But the garden gnome's got a massive dick and he's wheeling it around in a wheelbarrow.

[Bridget Christie]

Sorry, what?

[Ed Gamble]

You know in Taskmaster, where you bring the prizes?

[Bridget Christie]

You made that? You didn't buy it? No, I bought it from being curious.

[Ed Gamble]

I bought it on ebay. He's got, like, a huge one though, and it. So he's got his wheelbarrows in front. In front of him.

[James Acaster]

Definitely a joke.

[Ed Gamble]

And the knobs in the wheelbarrow, so he has to wheel his own knob around.

[Bridget Christie]

Oh, my God.

[Ed Gamble]

Because it was so big, it wouldn't even fit in his clothes.

[Bridget Christie]

Did that get on Taskmaster?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

Did it get past the. You know, whatever. Is it the child? Because, you know, we weren't allowed to.

[Ed Gamble]

Did you have a child in the studio?

[Bridget Christie]

No, but I think it isn't, because kids watch it, you know.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, there's the. Yeah, yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

So how did they. Do they. Pixelated.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I think they pixelated his knob. Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

You bought this, then?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

Have you still got it?

[Ed Gamble]

No, I think I lost that episode, so I don't know where it is. I can't remember what, but I didn't get great points for it, I don't think.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, but the object. Where's the gnome?

[Ed Gamble]

I don't know. Wherever. These. I can't remember who won the episode and even if they wanted to keep it.

[Bridget Christie]

Absolutely horrible.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it was horrible, that one.

[Bridget Christie]

Why are gnomes always male as well?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[Bridget Christie]

All of them.

[James Acaster]

In the film Gnomeo and Juliet, there were some female gnomes. Yes, Juliet, for one.

[Bridget Christie]

So Juliet is a gnome as well?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, they're all gnomes. So what's this?

[Bridget Christie]

Is it a cartoon?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Gnomeo and Juliet.

[Bridget Christie]

What's it like?

[James Acaster]

It's this. Basically a retelling of Romeo and Juliet, but with garden gnomes who live in different gardens.

[Ed Gamble]

The end can't be the same.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, probably the end isn't the same, actually. I haven't seen.

[Bridget Christie]

How did you know that that existed?

[James Acaster]

I saw the poster when it came out.

[Ed Gamble]

It's quite a big film. No, Mia and Juliet. I even know about that.

[Bridget Christie]

Who are playing the leads?

[Ed Gamble]

Good question.

[James Acaster]

I. I mean, my famous bit is my memory. James Corden is in it. But that can't.

[Ed Gamble]

James McAvoy and Juliet.

[Bridget Christie]

Oh, sweet. I won't watch it. Silly idea. Anyway, how did we get on to gnomes?

[Ed Gamble]

Because you were saying you wanted to sell a tape. Stuffed vine leaves.

[Bridget Christie]

Oh, yeah. I don't think I'll do that.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

We arrive at the dessert. Nick Stream dessert. So you haven't really had loads to eat yet.

[Bridget Christie]

I think I'm quite hungry, actually.

[James Acaster]

Yes, quite hungry. So hopefully this will be something that you will want to eat and.

[Bridget Christie]

Oh, God, it's going to be like a bag of Haribos or something, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

No, microwaved.

[Bridget Christie]

Oh, God.

[James Acaster]

Chocolate fondant with a Terry's chocolate orange in the middle.

[Ed Gamble]

Bridget went on a real roller coaster there. Cause microwaved, you were really upset. Chocolate fondant. You came back to us. And then the Terry's chocolate orange.

[Bridget Christie]

You don't need the. You don't need the Terry's in a chocolate fondant dessert.

[James Acaster]

It's very much the jacket potato pizza of desserts, isn't it?

[Bridget Christie]

So is this. He's got a Terry's orange and he's taken some segments and he's.

[James Acaster]

No, he's just put.

[Ed Gamble]

I can't remember what.

[James Acaster]

I can't remember if he's put the whole thing in the middle of it or just. It must be some segments. Yeah, he's pushed some segments into the. Into the chocolate fondant and.

[Bridget Christie]

Is that it? By itself, there's nothing.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, that's. That's. That's a dessert.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, that's quite dry. Oh, I've got my wine now, haven't I?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, you got your wine now?

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, yeah. It's this, you know, people putting things together.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's happened again.

[Bridget Christie]

It's happened again. I mean, the whole menu is like. Just. The stuff shouldn't be put together.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, that's true.

[Bridget Christie]

Take the Terry's out of it.

[Ed Gamble]

I know because I think the Terry's gone in before it's gone in the microwave. Right. So it's all melted in.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I believe so.

[Bridget Christie]

What would that look like?

[James Acaster]

What do you think it would look like if you imagine it in your head?

[Bridget Christie]

That's gonna look bad, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

We'd just look very chocolatey, I think, wouldn't it? Are you not a fan of chocolate orange either?

[Bridget Christie]

I mean, I like chocolate and I like oranges.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, but you know that's not what a Terry's is, right?

[Bridget Christie]

What do you mean?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, like, chocolate orange is not just a whole orange and chocolate together. Like, it's flavored. It's more.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, exactly.

[Ed Gamble]

Is it the Synthetic flavoring.

[Bridget Christie]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And you don't like orange?

[Bridget Christie]

I love orange.

[James Acaster]

You wouldn't have the orange and mango Robinsons earlier?

[Bridget Christie]

No, because I love orange. So you can make an orange cake where you boil the oranges in.

[Ed Gamble]

I love that.

[Bridget Christie]

Oh, my God, I love that. And the house smells. So you boil oranges for about an hour and the whole house smells absolutely amazing. And then you put the whole orange, like, every part of it, into a food mixer and you zhuzh all that up, and then you put it into the cake mixture. Absolutely fantastic.

[Ed Gamble]

Phenomenal. I think I've done one of those with, like, a. Making, like, a polenta cake.

[Bridget Christie]

One of those as well. And then. But you could do, like, a chocolate orange cake, couldn't you? Yeah, and then that would be. That. Would that be fantastic? I think, yeah. And that would be great.

[Ed Gamble]

You could. You like getting whole citrus fruits and putting them in a food processor?

[Bridget Christie]

I like natural things. Yeah. And simple things, like just. Just mushroom soup or just not just a potato on a pizza base. That's a bit too simple. But, you know, keep everything. Have good ingredients, but don't try and chuck everything because, like, more isn't. Hang on. Less is more, isn't it? More?

[Ed Gamble]

Like, more isn't more isn't more. More isn't more.

[Bridget Christie]

There's a quantity quality thing that I think I was trying to search for.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

This feels like just chucking a load of stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I think sort of inadvertently, we've picked absolutely the worst menu for you.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Bridget Christie]

Why would you do that, though? Well, because we've known each other, we.

[James Acaster]

Always want to pick a menu that we would like to see the guest react to. And with John Kearns, we picked Miriam Margulies as menu. We could, like, imagine John finding that intriguing. Interesting.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

For you.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah. I'm really looking forward to this.

[James Acaster]

We couldn't really find anyone who was like, oh, Bridget will find this interesting, or Bridget will really like it.

[Bridget Christie]

Hey, I like every. Anything, really. I'm not fussy, am I? Is that how I come across?

[James Acaster]

No, not fussy, but it was just like, oh, you know, we want the guests and the menu to complement each other.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

We couldn't really find that. And then we're like, Joe. What? I think Bridget casting a bit of a sensible eye over the most insane menu we've had.

[Bridget Christie]

Yes, I understand.

[James Acaster]

Well, that's something we'd like to see also.

[Ed Gamble]

It's funny when you get really angry about stuff, Bridget.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So I knew that you would get incensed by a lot of this menu.

[Bridget Christie]

Did you?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. And I was looking forward to that.

[Bridget Christie]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Because that always makes me laugh. I didn't expect it to start with the squash.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

I thought we were going to have a little warm up into the starter really. Or even the main. But you were angry by the squash.

[Bridget Christie]

I think the squash might be the thing I might be the most angry about. I'm the takeaway.

[James Acaster]

The takeaway. You actually didn't even talk that much about the rice and the Chinese takeaway in the Christmas tree.

[Bridget Christie]

I think I'd given up by then.

[James Acaster]

Do you broken your spirit a bit with this?

[Ed Gamble]

Do you get Chinese takeaways?

[Bridget Christie]

No. It's something that I have never really got ever. For no reason in particular. Tends to be pizza with toppings.

[Ed Gamble]

Wow. Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

Not just the base. I'm not really getting much takeaways because of the salt, high salt. But it might be curries, things like that.

[Ed Gamble]

And would you eat them? Would you eat leftovers the next day?

[Bridget Christie]

Yes. I think leftover food is pretty good. Reheated sometimes tastes better.

[Ed Gamble]

So what's your problem with leftover Chinese with a.

[Bridget Christie]

With a Christmas dinner? That's my problem with it.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Bridget Christie]

Also, it was unspecified and I just. After the squash and everything else, I just imagined just a disgusting mess, you know.

[James Acaster]

So that's the whole menu. There was obviously a secret ingredient for that episode as well. And Nick would have been kicked out of the dream restaurant if he had said bran flakes.

[Bridget Christie]

How did that affect this today?

[James Acaster]

Oh, it didn't at all. I just thought it'd be interesting to get your take on brand flakes if you like them or not.

[Bridget Christie]

Love them.

[James Acaster]

So they're better than the whole menu you've had.

[Bridget Christie]

I would have had a box of brown flakes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

Rather than that menu and the cardboard.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

In the whole retaining situation.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Are you sorry to come back to this?

[Ed Gamble]

Bridget supposed to eat more fiber or less fiber. Wow.

[Bridget Christie]

I spoke to another doctor about that and she said, I don't understand what he meant because we've all got shit in us.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, we've all got a little bit of shit in us.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Well, thank you so much for returning.

[Bridget Christie]

Is it over?

[James Acaster]

Well, that's your whole meal.

[Bridget Christie]

Oh, God. It seemed. I feel really unsatisfied.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You didn't like that meal, did you?

[Bridget Christie]

I. I have to say I've been so looking forward to today and I feel like, really let down.

[Ed Gamble]

Disappointed by the new format.

[Bridget Christie]

No, I just. I was really excited, you know, And I've not really eaten anything and not Kind of not been given an opportunity to enthuse.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. About what would you like to enthuse now? We could let you enthuse about something. I mean, we, we heard about the lemonade.

[Bridget Christie]

No, I have had a lovely time.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you.

[Bridget Christie]

Yeah, I, I, it's such. You should be very pleased with that.

[James Acaster]

With the time you've had.

[Bridget Christie]

No, it's, you know, I was hoping something might happen if you rub the lamp. I'm not rubbing anything again.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah. Last time you're on here, you rubbed a school's dick.

[Bridget Christie]

Oh, my God. I actually didn't. And that all came from you. But also, what I didn't tell you was how long it took to rub it off the Vaseline off the pole. No, honestly, I didn't, because it doesn't. It just moves, doesn't it? Like egg white.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Bridget Christie]

And also the other thing is, when I was wiping it off, the squirrel was watching me and I was like, haven't you had enough? Anyway, no more rubbing.

[Ed Gamble]

No more rubbing. Thank you. Thanks for coming back to the dream restaurant, Bridget.

[Bridget Christie]

Oh, thank you so much for having me.

[Ed Gamble]

Wow, James.

[James Acaster]

Whoa.

[Ed Gamble]

What a nap.

[James Acaster]

Disliked it more than I expected, actually. I, I didn't think she'd like the menu, but I didn't think squash was going to get such short shrift. And, yeah, it went pretty bad. Yeah, man.

[Ed Gamble]

So funny.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah, fantastic. I mean, I really hope. I don't know what's going to make it in and what isn't, but I was laughing for most of that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, outstanding.

[James Acaster]

I mean, there's some bits that just visually. Just. Very funny, Bridget. Just stop it and make it a face.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Which won't come across in the audio format, but hopefully you'll be able to watch.

[Ed Gamble]

At one point, she was just staring me out.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I thought she was gonna leap across the table and attack me. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Wasn't happy with you at all.

[Ed Gamble]

And that's Nick Mohammed's fault. He's got no idea what.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

What a ruckus he's caused.

[James Acaster]

He's just going about his life. I mean, I, I should have an email from him, so he actually coincidentally emailed me during that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Podcast.

[Ed Gamble]

During the podcast.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I got an email from Nick, which who I don't often communicate with, so I've replied to that, but I haven't told him about this yet because I was replying very quick in between recording the podcast and the outro. So I'm gonna have to say to him, oh, by the way, you're about to get trashed again.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, trash to high hell, yeah.

[James Acaster]

It's not going well for you, Nick?

[Ed Gamble]

No, but you know what? I'm really enjoying this new format, getting people back in.

[James Acaster]

It's really fun. Series two of the Change is at.

[Ed Gamble]

Channel4.Com yeah, all episodes available now. Go and watch it.

[James Acaster]

And hey, Ed. If people want to see the tasting menus live, this format in a live setting, getting fan favorites back and giving them the menus of other fan favorites. The Royal Albert Hall. Does that sound like an okay venue to you?

[Ed Gamble]

Sounds good to me, man. The Royal Albert Hall, March 2026. The tasting menus off menu live at the Royal Albert hall.

[James Acaster]

Tickets available now offmenupodcast.co.uk.

[Ed Gamble]

Bye, bye, bye.

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