Ep 293: Stacey Dooley

Summary

Episode Title: Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster
Guest: Stacey Dooley
Release Date: May 14, 2025

---

Introduction

In Episode 293 of Off Menu, hosts Ed Gamble and James Acaster welcome the renowned broadcaster, author, and writer Stacey Dooley to their magical Dream Restaurant. The premise of the show remains true to its essence: guests are invited to curate their ultimate dream meal by selecting their favorite starter, main course, side dish, dessert, and drink.

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Guest Introduction: Stacey Dooley

Ed Gamble introduces Stacey Dooley as a "wonderful broadcaster," while James Acaster playfully teases her multi-faceted career, highlighting her roles as an author and writer. Stacey shares her excitement about her latest book, "Sorry, Yes: Conversations with Remarkable Mothers", which compiles heartfelt letters from mothers across the UK to their children.

Notable Quote:

Stacey Dooley [06:00]: "The premise is, like, really straightforward. It's loads of letters from mums all over the UK and they write a letter to their kids."

---

Discussion Highlights

Stacey's New Book and Motherhood

Stacey delves into the inspiration behind her book, emphasizing the importance of diverse maternal experiences. She explains how she sought genuine, varied perspectives from different mothers to avoid the pitfalls of a single narrative.

Notable Quote:

Stacey Dooley [07:00]: "If it had been sort of focused solely on my experience, it wouldn't have been, like, massively representative."

Experiences at Disney

The conversation shifts to Stacey's family experiences at Disney, particularly highlighting her daughter Minnie Dooley's wonderment at meeting Minnie Mouse. Stacey shares amusing anecdotes about navigating character interactions and the challenges of maintaining a child's excitement.

Notable Quote:

Stacey Dooley [08:10]: "She just could not believe that she was stood opposite Minnie Mouse. And it was actually beautiful seeing all the kids or whatever. Like so made up."

---

The Dream Menu

Stacey takes center stage to unveil her dream meal, meticulously selecting each course with personal significance and culinary delight.

Starter: Anchovies on Toast

Stacey chooses anchovies on toast from Copenhagen, praising their perfection and aesthetic presentation. She elaborates on her preference for thick, luxurious anchovies and their impeccable preparation in Copenhagen's culinary scene.

Notable Quote:

Stacey Dooley [22:17]: "I love anchovies on toast from Copenhagen. It's the perfect, perfect starter."

Main Course: Italian Pasta Platter

She opts for a sumptuous Italian pasta platter featuring Puttanesca with rigatoni and Cacio e Pepe with spaghetti. Stacey appreciates the balance and richness these dishes bring to the table, highlighting their traditional flavors.

Notable Quote:

Stacey Dooley [34:05]: "I could eat three bowls of that and still have room for more."

Side Dish: Truffle and Mushroom Arancini

For her side, Stacey selects truffle and mushroom arancini, admiring their crispy exterior and flavorful fillings. She mentions her love for Italian cuisine's ability to blend simplicity with depth.

Notable Quote:

Stacey Dooley [46:07]: "Truffle and mushroom arancini are a delight. They add a luxurious touch to the meal."

Drink: Shirley Temple

Choosing a classic non-alcoholic beverage, Stacey picks the Shirley Temple. She appreciates its sweet and refreshing profile, making it a perfect complement to her savory selections.

Notable Quote:

Stacey Dooley [51:18]: "I love a Shirley Temple. It's just a lovely, sweet drink that fits perfectly with the meal."

Dessert: Honeycomb Cannoli

Stacey concludes her meal with a unique twist on the traditional cannoli by selecting a honeycomb cannoli. She enjoys the combination of crunchy honeycomb with the creamy filling, adding an extra layer of sweetness to her dessert course.

Notable Quote:

Stacey Dooley [63:52]: "A honeycomb cannoli would be the perfect end to this Italian feast."

---

A Playful Banter

Throughout the episode, Ed and James engage in light-hearted humor, often teasing each other about food preferences and personal anecdotes. Their camaraderie adds a delightful and entertaining layer to the conversation, making the episode both insightful and enjoyable.

Notable Quote:

James Acaster [02:38]: "If Stacey Dooley says the secret ingredient which we have deemed to be unacceptable, we'll have to keep. We will have to kick her out of the dream."

---

Conclusion

Episode 293 of Off Menu masterfully blends meaningful discussions about motherhood and personal experiences with the whimsical task of crafting a dream menu. Stacey Dooley's selections reflect her love for Italian cuisine, her appreciation for simplicity, and her desire to create memorable dining experiences. Ed Gamble and James Acaster ensure the conversation remains engaging through their signature humor and genuine interactions, offering listeners both inspiration and entertainment.

Final Notable Quote:

Ed Gamble [67:46]: "Thank you very much for listening. We'll be back next week with another off menu podcast."

---

For those seeking a blend of heartfelt conversation and culinary creativity, this episode with Stacey Dooley is a must-listen!

Transcript

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[Ed Gamble]

Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Smashing up the meringue of conversation, mixing it with the whipped cream of humor and adding the strawberries of friendship. James eaten mess.

[James Acaster]

You definitely don't eat mess before.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, probably have you always tell me it doesn't matter if I've done it before.

[James Acaster]

That is a gamble.

[Ed Gamble]

My name is Jake's goddamn Episode.

[James Acaster]

Together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite in a.

[Ed Gamble]

Guest and we ask them same thing every episode.

[James Acaster]

Start a main course, dessert side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week our guest is Stacy Dooley.

[Ed Gamble]

Stacy Dooley, a wonderful broadcaster.

[James Acaster]

James, Broadcaster, author as well, writer. Oh, yeah, now I'm making fun of the way I say broadcaster.

[Ed Gamble]

You didn't even say it. You went broadcaster.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. What did you do? Eat a mess again, mate, at least.

[Ed Gamble]

You know I'm having to come up with something new every time. And yeah, sure, maybe I've done eating mess before, but I barely remember what I've done yesterday, so don't put that on me. And you've said in the past, doesn't matter, just do. Because I panic about it. And you're like, just do one you've done before, it doesn't matter. And then you cut. You're not even saying broadcaster properly.

[James Acaster]

Listeners, I have touched a nerve.

[Ed Gamble]

Stacey Dooley has her one giant nerve, mate. Of course you've touched a nerve, dear.

[James Acaster]

Minnie is out now. Stacey Dooley's new book, Sorry, yes. Conversations with Remarkable Mothers. Remarkable markable mother. Very excited to talk about that and learn more about that Book.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. And also find out Stacey Dooley's dream menu.

[James Acaster]

James. Yes. However, if Stacey Dooley says the secret ingredient which we have deemed to be unacceptable, we'll have to keep. We will have to kick her out of the dream.

[Ed Gamble]

Leave all that in Benito, because I want people to know.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

That this guy's coming for me and he can't even say the things that he says every week properly.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I can't. You say the same thing every week.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I don't.

[James Acaster]

You always say he's a mess.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't always say he's a mess now and again. Done that more than once. Definitely. So I've got one hot leg today. Is that normal?

[James Acaster]

You have. You're having a stroke or something.

[Ed Gamble]

Up my. Up top. Top of my right leg.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Feels really hot. Well, it feels hot in me when you say today. Has that been all day?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, all day. You have one hot leg. That's bad. Yeah, yeah. Maybe Google that. Bonito. What is it? Bonito. Blood clots, poor circulation or skin infections?

[Ed Gamble]

It's not circulation, it's not skin infection.

[James Acaster]

So blood clot.

[Ed Gamble]

Blood clot.

[James Acaster]

And this week, the secret ingredient is Mini Cheddar.

[Ed Gamble]

Mini Cheddar's. Mini Cheddar's. The book is called Dear Mini. So we've gone with Mini Cheddar's.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Benito would like it as a point of record that he is a chedhead.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I'm a chad head as well. I love Mini Cheddar's.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. You two are both ched heads. Bonito saying oh, no and putting his head in his hands. Is it chicken head symptoms again?

[Ed Gamble]

Benito is very tired of producing this podcast.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. But he can't afford to quit, so he's trapped in it. But he's not happy about it. He's not happy. Well, listen, it's time to smash up the meringue of humor and stir in the cream of friendship. Add in the strawberries of comedy.

[Ed Gamble]

Comedy? I wouldn't do that.

[James Acaster]

Huh?

[Ed Gamble]

You've already said humor. This is the off menu menu of Stacy Dooley. Welcome, Stacey, to the Dream Restaurant.

[Acast Representative]

Very excited.

[James Acaster]

Welcome, Stacey Dooley, to the Dream Restaurant. But it's been to you for some time, James.

[Acast Representative]

That's the energy I was after.

[James Acaster]

Thank you.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm actually made up. I'm slightly put out that it's taken this long to get on this pod.

[James Acaster]

Really?

[Ed Gamble]

You've been trying for ages, haven't you?

[Acast Representative]

I've been trying for such a long, long time. Begging them, begging them. Calling every morning.

[James Acaster]

Is that true? Well, I didn't get food to us, Stacey.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I think it made it to Benito as the box.

[Ed Gamble]

Benito is the gateke.

[James Acaster]

Sorry about that. We'll have a word with him afterwards. Sometimes he can be a little bit tricky. It's not slowness, he's devious, he's.

[Acast Representative]

It's malice.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's malice.

[Ed Gamble]

It is malice. If. If it was his way, the only people we'd have on are roller coaster designers.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

Oh, fine. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Huge amount about the design of roller coasters.

[James Acaster]

Neither do we, because we don't talk to them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

We refuse to interview them. We will never know. But he loves them. He's always like, come on, this guy did the first big dip. No, you never say that. Now, let's talk about your new book.

[Acast Representative]

Thank you.

[James Acaster]

Dear Minnie.

[Acast Representative]

Dear Minnie.

[Ed Gamble]

This is it. We were waiting for the release of Dear Minnie until we had you on. That must be what happened.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Love her art. I know it sort of does what it says on the book. It's not. Do you know what it's like when they're sort of back and forth and you're flirting with the idea of a third book? You're like, what are we gonna write about? You know? And then the obvious topic to try and unpick was motherhood. Parenth. But it's such an oversaturated market in it. You know what I mean? It's like there's thousands of books talking about parenthood, so. And I didn't want it to be too earnest and I actually don't have any of the answers, so I thought, well, is there a Wales where we just ask other mums what they're doing to them? But they were a delight, actually. So the premise is, like, really straightforward. It's loads of letters from mums all over the UK and they write a letter to their kids. And I'm delighted, actually. I'm thrilled with the.

[Ed Gamble]

I think that's good as well, because especially with something like parenthood, if one person is saying, here's how you do it, and this is my advice, everyone goes, well, who are you to tell me that? You know, I've got my own things going on, so it's good, you know, you're getting opinions from everywhere.

[Acast Representative]

And I think if it had been sort of focused solely on my experience, it wouldn't have been, like, massively representative. Do you know what I mean? I'm so mindful. Like, my pregnancy was relatively straightforward. I Felt pregnant. You know, there was no real issues there. My birth was sort of fine. So I thought actually that's so not the case for so many mums.

[Ed Gamble]

Of course. Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

Circumstances are different. Etc. So yeah. I'm just a lot. I'm really made up that the mums agreed to. To contribute. It's a nice little read.

[Ed Gamble]

And dear Minnie. Not Minnie Mouse.

[Acast Representative]

Not Minnie Mouse.

[Ed Gamble]

Because I think that's why Benito's agreed for you to come on. Because he loves Disneyland.

[Acast Representative]

Sorry.

[James Acaster]

Excited.

[Acast Representative]

Minnie Mini Dooley. My daughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's. I'm completely. Do you know what I never thought?

[James Acaster]

What a. Yeah, it's a good name.

[Acast Representative]

And I never thought I'd be like this. I never thought like I was never hugely maternal. You know. Some women it's just sort of non negotiable. But the minute she came on the scene, I'm just so, so starry eyed. Like the best, best part of my life is being a mum.

[Ed Gamble]

I love. Came on the scene for a kid as well.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. Yeah. It's so tweet to even say that.

[Ed Gamble]

Came on the scene.

[Acast Representative]

She's really wicked.

[Ed Gamble]

That's good. That's good. So people know they're going into this book and they're gonna read a little bit about how excited you are to be. It's not. She turns up. She's an absolute pain.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. Although do you know what's funny? Right. It's like I never thought. I didn't think like I would be that mum where all she does is talk about being a mum. But actually here we are.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

That is what I've become. Unfortunately. I'm ever so sorry.

[Ed Gamble]

I think it's the best way around to be those days.

[Acast Representative]

I know nothing about roller coasters, but everything about 2 year olds.

[James Acaster]

When she grows up. You need to learn a thing or two about roller coasters. Minnie Dooley is going to jump on all those roller coasters. I know.

[Acast Representative]

We took her to Disney. Disney before Christmas and obviously Minnie Mouse was. Was the big event and they come around when you're having breakfast or whatever the characters and Minnie just could not, could not believe that she was stood opposite Minnie Mouse.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

Do you know, she just. Her little. She just could not believe it. And it was actually beautiful seeing all the kids or whatever. Like so made up. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It's weird. When I've been to Disney it's been me and my girlfriend and we haven't had kids with us.

[Acast Representative]

Fine.

[James Acaster]

The most uncomfortable part of the day for me is when those characters go.

[Acast Representative]

I Know what you mean.

[James Acaster]

And come over.

[Ed Gamble]

Because you weren't at the breakfast, though, were you?

[James Acaster]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

You didn't do the character breakfast.

[James Acaster]

My partner went to the breakfast not knowing it was Character Breakfast in our hotel. She was like, do you want to come to breakfast? I was like, no, I'm knackered. I'm staying in bed. She comes back up. She's like, it was a character one. And I've got my photo with Mickey and everything. And I was like, but you're on your own at Character Breakfast.

[Acast Representative]

It is interesting, adults going to Disney without children.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

But I know it's a massive market for it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's fun.

[Acast Representative]

Don't come for the Disney Club.

[James Acaster]

The theme park is great. It's the characters that I'm just like. When they come up to you, I'm like, mate, come on.

[Acast Representative]

It's just not for you.

[James Acaster]

I know that you're a grown adult in that suit. Please go away. It just makes me too uncomfortable.

[Ed Gamble]

I love it.

[Acast Representative]

I sort of get it to know you in there. Yeah. Waiting for a siggy break half the time, aren't they?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I was like, I don't want to interrupt you and be like, oh, hi. Hey, Pluto. How's it going?

[Acast Representative]

That was me. I was so lame. So the parade's all kicking off and everyone stood there and. But how cringe. I called Pluto Goofy. I got Pluto Goofy muddled up, so I'm screaming, pluto, Pluto. Kev went, that's Goofy. I was like, oh, I'm so out of the loop. Yes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. That doesn't make you look good, actually.

[Acast Representative]

No, Phoebe, I'm cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

The Disneyland Paris is the best one to see characters who've clearly been on a ciggy break.

[Acast Representative]

Sure.

[Ed Gamble]

We went to Disneyland Paris and there was Jack Skellington. Am I saying that right?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Jack Skellington from Nightmare Before Christmas.

[Acast Representative]

Oh, fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

He was great. And he was, like, meeting everyone, like, massive energy. And then he's just waved and walked off, like someone shepherded him off. And I was like, oh, no. I wanted to meet Jack Skellington. Ten minutes later, someone else comes back out in the costume, and they were like, just. They couldn't have given a fuck.

[Acast Representative]

No, they were like, what?

[Ed Gamble]

It looked like something really awful had happened to Jack Skellington. Halfway through, he just came out.

[Acast Representative]

He's like, yeah, three minutes that he disappeared.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

There you go.

[Ed Gamble]

I like meeting the characters. I'm always excited to meet Donald.

[Acast Representative]

So who do you go with?

[Ed Gamble]

My wife.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, just. You Two.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She likes all that.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Is it like a big retro thing for her? Like, it's like pure nostalgia.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And, you know, I'm happy to say I was excited to meet Donald. I think Minnie is the nicest name from the Disney universe to name a child Minnie.

[Acast Representative]

Dilly is a great, great name.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, sure.

[Ed Gamble]

Get Goofy or Donald.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, well, not anymore.

[Acast Representative]

Certainly not. No.

[James Acaster]

He's ruined it forever.

[Ed Gamble]

Surely the duck is not going to change his name.

[James Acaster]

Duck might have to change his name. I don't trust that duck anymore. Are you a foodie, Stacey?

[Acast Representative]

Well, I love eating. I love, love, love going to restaurants, but I'm not massively in the know, so I wouldn't be able to sit here and tell you about certain cuts of prosciuttio. I mean, that's not my scene particularly, but I do love a bougie restaurant.

[James Acaster]

I think that still qualifies as a food.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think so. We very rarely get into the. Into the weeds of different cuts.

[Acast Representative]

Well, that's perfect. On this podcast, that's good news. Fine. I can just tell you what I like to eat if that's interesting.

[James Acaster]

You got yourself a deal.

[Ed Gamble]

Welcome to the podcast.

[James Acaster]

You got yourself a deal. Stacy Dooley.

[Ed Gamble]

Foodie Dooley.

[James Acaster]

Foodie Dooley.

[Acast Representative]

I'm not massively fussy. I'll sort of eat anything apart from pigeon.

[James Acaster]

Why? Why is pigeon the one I like?

[Ed Gamble]

We're ruling out stuff at the top of the episode.

[Acast Representative]

That's good. Yeah. I mean, I will eat pretty much anything. I will try pretty much anything. But I'm just have a bit of a phobia of pigeons. And I know it's not the pigeon like that you see, you know, in southeast London, flying around. I know it's like a kind of country wood.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. They're not the ones like, with fucked up feet.

[Acast Representative]

That's what I'm thinking. With like two toes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Acast Representative]

But still, it's just not my thing.

[James Acaster]

So that's.

[Ed Gamble]

That's their piss that does that. So that's their piss that does that to their feet. Did you know that?

[Acast Representative]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

They got very acidic urine and it burns their own feet away, Ed. Yeah, that's true. It's all right. You're not having pigeons, so I didn't know that. Google that.

[James Acaster]

I'll catch up. I just need to go for a piss. Hold on.

[Acast Representative]

Now. Got one to olev. Jeez. Wow, that is interesting.

[Ed Gamble]

That's interesting. Yeah. If it's real, I don't know, you.

[James Acaster]

Know, that's their piss that does that.

[Acast Representative]

You're not sure, are you?

[James Acaster]

He's not sure. Benito's kind of shaking his head. Doesn't seem to.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm not lying. I heard that. And, you know, in the modern world, you don't know what's real and what's not. Right. So I prefer to take everything as fact and repeat it as such.

[Acast Representative]

That's generally what's happening, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that helps. We always start with still. A sparkling water.

[Acast Representative]

Always sparkling for me.

[James Acaster]

Always.

[Acast Representative]

I don't really mess with still water, which is why I'm dehydrated so much of the time. I exclusively drink sparkling water and builder's tea with a dash of oat milk. Sparkling, always.

[James Acaster]

I think if there's a dash of oat milk in there, it ain't builders.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, I know what you mean.

[James Acaster]

What builder is asking for a dash of oat milk?

[Ed Gamble]

Modern builders. Come on. Vegan builders out there.

[James Acaster]

I'm sure I never met a vegan builder.

[Acast Representative]

Sometimes I do feel sort of slightly annoyed in myself when I'm sort of, you know, I'm in a place where there's obviously not a carton of oatly and I'm like, oh, have you got any oat milk? I think I'll shut up. Do you know when I last did that Millwall in the Millwall Calf. Imagine the football ground. Yeah. I lived in Broccoli and I was. We were near Millwall, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, we were having a curry there and I said, oh, can I have a cup of tea? Yeah. I said, have you got any oat milk? She went, no, no. Which is.

[James Acaster]

Oh, the tone shift.

[Acast Representative]

Totally, totally. Fair enough. Yeah. So I just had a black tea.

[Ed Gamble]

Surely Millwall need to get some oat milk in Millwall. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

No way, man.

[Ed Gamble]

Should be modernizing.

[James Acaster]

No way. You're lucky that Millwall football club is currently as civil as it is. You're lucky, man. They ain't gonna get oat milk. Am I right, Stacey?

[Acast Representative]

Well, no. Last time I was there, I wasn't able to get a cup of tea with oat milk.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

Which is obviously completely outrageous. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I. I'm actually completely addicted to tea. It's sort of ridiculous. There have been a couple of occasions where I've had to try and wean myself off, and I've been like, an addict, like, coming off, like, headaches, like, throwing up. Like.

[James Acaster]

Throwing up.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. Legit, like. That's embarrassing, actually.

[Ed Gamble]

Why did you feel like you needed to wean Yourself off the tea.

[Acast Representative]

Well, when I was pregnant, I was trying to drink less caffeine. I'd sort of have a cup a day or whatever, and that was like the big treat. And then there have been other occasions where, for example, I did a series with a Mormon family in Manchester and hot caffeine was like a big no no in their household. Hot caffeine, yeah. So you're allowed cold caffeine but not.

[James Acaster]

Hot caffeine, like Diet Cokes and stuff.

[Acast Representative]

That's fine.

[Ed Gamble]

Red Bull.

[Acast Representative]

I think that's fine.

[Ed Gamble]

So Red Bull. If you're a Mormon, you can have a Red Bull but not a Twinings.

[Acast Representative]

I think that. Yeah, I mean, that was what I was told with this family. So I thought, that's totally fair enough. So I hadn't had a hot. I hadn't had a tea for like 24 hours and my head was like a drum. I said to my boss, Alice, my director, I was like, I actually can't think straight. So I had to leave the premises. The runner loverat had to bring me, like a flask of hot tea. And I downed it at the bottom.

[Ed Gamble]

Of the drive before you spoke to the Mormons.

[Acast Representative]

And then I was like, back in the room.

[James Acaster]

I think I would have just got a headache from talking to Mormons for a day.

[Acast Representative]

That's the level of addiction I'm at, James.

[James Acaster]

Without wanting to. I wanted to be rude to any Mormons. No hot caffeine. I didn't know that was a rule.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I get oat milk offered to me all the time now because I've stopped having caffeine. And I go, and I ordered decaf. I got into decaf.

[Acast Representative]

Why did you stop. Why did you stop on the caffeine?

[James Acaster]

It would make me too anxious.

[Acast Representative]

Fine.

[James Acaster]

I love coffee.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, I love it.

[James Acaster]

But I was. I was noticing. I was like, come on, man, you just. You're stressed out all the time for nothing.

[Acast Representative]

Rattling.

[James Acaster]

So let's try and not do caffeine and see if that makes a difference. It does. Gutted.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Carry on now. But I started to get into decaf and actually, you know, it'd been long enough since I had caffeine that, like, this kind of tastes like regular caffeinated coffee, you know, And. Yeah, but every time I order a decaf, they assume I want oat milk and they just assume. They just did this. They just. They'll just say it. So I just say I'd like a decaf flat white. And they go, cool, decaf, white, oat milk. And I'M like, no, didn't say oat milk. And first time, I was like, whatever. Every time it's happening. Every time there was.

[Ed Gamble]

You do have an oat milk vibe.

[James Acaster]

Especially when I say the decaf thing. Before, they wouldn't assume it, and I just said, normal coffee.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But now I'm saying decaf. They're like, we assume that you're a wimp across the board.

[Acast Representative]

Do you know what, James? We all have our crosses to bear.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

And I'm really sorry that they've put that on you.

[James Acaster]

Thank you.

[Ed Gamble]

Also in London, I'd be interested to know the stats. I think oat milk is probably more popular than cow's milk now.

[Acast Representative]

I think it's totally, totally Milkwell. Of course, apart from Millwall calf.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I could get a decaf in.

[Acast Representative]

I think you might struggle, actually.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Acast Representative]

Maybe just bring your own bags. That's what I do when I'm going America. That's when I'm going to America, I just take my own tea bags. Because for whatever reason, it don't matter where you are, what state, they cannot make a cup of tea. The water's just. I say make the water. It's got to be boiling.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Acast Representative]

It just falls on deaf ears.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, damn.

[Acast Representative]

So we're all struggling.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Pop, rums or bread?

[James Acaster]

Pop, rums or bread? Stacey Dooley. Pop, noms or bread?

[Acast Representative]

Pop noms or bread? What? Bread. I'll be talking up to you.

[Ed Gamble]

This is your dream. This is your dream meal. Whatever bread you like.

[Acast Representative]

I love. Look at me. I love focaccia, But I actually do love focaccia. I love brown toast.

[James Acaster]

What do you mean, look at me?

[Acast Representative]

Focaccia.

[James Acaster]

It's like La di Dharma. You just released your third book.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, no, you're right, actually. And I haven't ate white breads in about 15 years. Brown toast. Focaccia, Sourdough. My starter.

[James Acaster]

Well, I'm not there yet. No spoilers.

[Acast Representative]

It kind of bleeds into.

[James Acaster]

Okay, let's bleed in.

[Acast Representative]

Okay, fine.

[Ed Gamble]

Just quickly before you bleed in.

[Acast Representative]

Oh, sure.

[Ed Gamble]

For catcher. Now. Always reminds me of the band Cleopatra, because it rhymes. Cleopatra coming at you.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Then I think, cleopatra coming at ya. For catcher.

[Acast Representative]

Cleopatra coming at you. Cleopatra, get a pen and paper, write down our nose.

[Ed Gamble]

Pen and paper doesn't work for me. It should be for catcher.

[James Acaster]

Get a paper, write down our nose. Was that the next line?

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. Get a pen and pen, write down our name. You will realize our aim is the same as the others. We all have that dream to make it to that top.

[James Acaster]

Word perfect. On the gods of Cleopatra coming at you.

[Acast Representative]

Remember I loved that song.

[Ed Gamble]

All I remember is Cleopatra coming at you.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I remember Cleopatra Comana.

[Acast Representative]

Oh, no, I know the whole song.

[James Acaster]

But I didn't remember. Get a pen and paper. Which is an awful rhyme. And Focaccia is a much better rhyme. It wasn't that big back then. Focaccia wasn't a thing when Cleopatra.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Acast Representative]

I could have done with you, Ed.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. They should have got me in to write some lyrics. So you've got to write their pen and paper, write their name down and then you realize that your aim is the same.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. We all have that dream to take it to the top. And when we do, we know we're never gonna stop.

[Ed Gamble]

They did, though, quite quickly.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

That's like locked in my. I haven't heard that song. It's not on my Spotify list. But it's obviously there somewhere.

[Ed Gamble]

It's big. Yeah, it's a. It's a big memory.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, I did love it.

[James Acaster]

Can you remember, like the lyrics to say La V by Bewitched?

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, obviously.

[James Acaster]

You just say that straight away.

[Acast Representative]

Say you will. Say you won't say you'll do what I don't say a true. Send to me. Not as clear on that.

[James Acaster]

I think it is. Say your true. Say to me. Say the V. Say la vie.

[Acast Representative]

Do do do do do do. Double denim. Obviously.

[James Acaster]

Sometimes she fights like a dad. Of course, she's at the beginning. She goes, sometimes people say I look like my dad is. What is the intro? She is her saying. People say I look like my dad. And then later on she goes, I fight like my dad as well.

[Acast Representative]

Fights like her dad.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I thought you said fart like I. I thought you said he farts like her dad.

[James Acaster]

She doesn't fart like her dad.

[Acast Representative]

Fart like her dad.

[James Acaster]

Bewitched it.

[Acast Representative]

They didn't really give that energy to me.

[Ed Gamble]

No, she says it.

[James Acaster]

She said she fights like her dad.

[Acast Representative]

Wow.

[James Acaster]

Her dad misheard it. And it is fine.

[Ed Gamble]

But her dad might not fight.

[Acast Representative]

Fine.

[Ed Gamble]

We have to remember that her dad.

[Acast Representative]

Might not be a violent, peaceful man.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I felt like my dad as well.

[Acast Representative]

AKA nothing.

[Ed Gamble]

Nothing. Yeah, yeah.

[Acast Representative]

No confrontation whatsoever. Actually.

[Ed Gamble]

Just do it.

[James Acaster]

My father's a pacifist.

[Ed Gamble]

So what do you want for your dream meal? What sort of bread do you want? Cleopatra?

[James Acaster]

And this is going to emerge. It's going to bleed into the.

[Ed Gamble]

It's going to bleed in.

[Acast Representative]

It's going to bleed I've just spilled water. Like still water.

[Ed Gamble]

Still water, yeah. It won't even stay in your mouth. That's how much you hate it.

[Acast Representative]

It's just so gross. So what's my dream meal?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, not the whole meal, Stacey.

[Acast Representative]

Step by step.

[James Acaster]

Just. Let's do the bread course.

[Acast Representative]

We need to drag the hour out.

[James Acaster]

You said it.

[Verizon Representative]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You can't.

[James Acaster]

It's up to you.

[Ed Gamble]

Dan Aykroyd did it all at once, but you can take it. Take it.

[James Acaster]

Sorry.

[Ed Gamble]

James playing footsie with him.

[James Acaster]

My stuff has never played footsie with me during the episodes before. Yeah, yeah, he just played footsie with me. He's put his foot very, very daintily on top of mine and then just moved it around a little bit. Well.

[Ed Gamble]

Cause your foot's not normally there. I thought it was part of the table.

[James Acaster]

I thought it was part of the table.

[Acast Representative]

Oh, there you go.

[Ed Gamble]

I'd known it was your foot.

[Acast Representative]

My starters is anchovies on toast.

[James Acaster]

Right, Lovely.

[Ed Gamble]

This is the bleeding.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, of course. On toast.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

On toast.

[Acast Representative]

Specifically. This is how middle class I am now. I love anchovies on toast from Denmark.

[Ed Gamble]

Love this.

[Acast Representative]

Copenhagen.

[James Acaster]

Incredible.

[Acast Representative]

To be precise.

[James Acaster]

I've just got back from there.

[Acast Representative]

Stop.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Oh, Like Cleopatra. I will not.

[Acast Representative]

You will not stop until you make.

[Ed Gamble]

It to the top.

[Acast Representative]

Where did you stay? Where did you go?

[James Acaster]

Oh, I don't know exactly where we stayed. We were in an Airbnb and like in the center. Love going to Bertell Salon on getting the cheesecake every time.

[Acast Representative]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Love the cheesecake there. Love going to the desanche place that does the tacos.

[Ed Gamble]

He had desanche.

[James Acaster]

Thank you, Ed Went to Noma.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Felt very lucky to do that.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. Because that's really tricky to get into, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

Is that. That's like the garden. Not the garden shed, but the greenhouse.

[James Acaster]

We got all the greenhouses and stuff. There's. Yeah. Did all the bakeries and stuff. Did a sausage roll crawl.

[Acast Representative]

Perfect. Very jazz.

[Ed Gamble]

And he went and got loads of sausage rolls. That's not a sort of. That's not how he got around Copenhagen.

[Acast Representative]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

A certain type of crawl.

[Acast Representative]

No, fine.

[James Acaster]

Or a roll. Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

But yeah, no, I really, really love anchovies on toast. Whenever I'm in Copenhagen, that is always like my go to.

[Ed Gamble]

Is there a specific place that does them that you like?

[Acast Representative]

Everywhere I've been, they just get it so right. I wonder if that's one of their dishes. I don't know. I'm so.

[Ed Gamble]

Feels like it could be Like Scandinavian esque, doesn't it?

[James Acaster]

If a lot of places do them in Copenhagen, it probably is. Because it's not like it's on every menu.

[Acast Representative]

It's just so perfect. It's the perfect, perfect starter. Do you know what I mean? And if I'm not starving, I will just order that twice. My little girl can have a bit. There's no fuss. Mini Doodley, Mini Dooley can have a bit of a. The full name. I'm obsessed with you saying the full name because it's a great full name. So, yeah, that's my start for sure.

[Ed Gamble]

So when. When it comes. When it comes. You get it in a restaurant. Is it like a big bit of toast with anchovies on top or are they like mini bits of mini bits of toast?

[Acast Representative]

You know what they're like. They're so, like. Everything is so chic. Everything is so, like, aesthetically pleasing. Even the way they, like, cut it into, like, you know, four fingers. Pathetic. They cut it into, like, just four chic fingers.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, four chic fingers.

[James Acaster]

I love how you're like. This is how middle class I am now. I'm having this. There's four fingers.

[Ed Gamble]

Whenever I see some sort of variation of anchovies on toast on any London menu as well, I'm getting that there's something like Brat the bread at Brat with the anchovies on toast.

[Acast Representative]

I've not been there, actually.

[Ed Gamble]

So good.

[Acast Representative]

Really? Yeah. If you like anchovies on toast, then I must.

[Ed Gamble]

You gotta go.

[Acast Representative]

Okay, fine. Okay. Maybe that can be my treat. Because it's my birthday next week, actually.

[James Acaster]

Is it? Happy birthday. Happy birthday.

[Acast Representative]

38. Imagine.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, well, I can. Yeah, you are 38.

[Ed Gamble]

I simply am. Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

You simply are 38.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It's so young.

[Ed Gamble]

But I'm. I'm 39 in, like, two weeks.

[Acast Representative]

When's your birthday?

[Ed Gamble]

March 10th.

[Acast Representative]

Stop. Yeah, mine's March 9th.

[Ed Gamble]

There you go.

[Acast Representative]

We could go to Brat together.

[Ed Gamble]

We'll go to Brat together.

[Acast Representative]

Okay, fine.

[Ed Gamble]

We're going for an anchovy birthday.

[Acast Representative]

Would you like to come, James? No, no, James can't come.

[Ed Gamble]

James can't come.

[Acast Representative]

They might not have decafety, actually. Yeah, I can't. Yeah, I can't guarantee there'll be decaf tea there.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, no.

[Acast Representative]

It's not your place.

[James Acaster]

Cracking it up with my old man vibes.

[Acast Representative]

It's not your scene.

[Ed Gamble]

It's for people in their late 30s. Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

But anchovies, I mean, I don't like it when they're a bit hairy and they've got Little bones hanging out. Do you know what I mean? I like the luxurious, like, thick, long anchovies.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I know what you mean about that. I mean, yeah. It's not hair, is it? It is bones.

[Acast Representative]

Oh, fine.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, that's what I. I assume that they're not hairy, are they? Like, they're. It's very thin bones.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. It's not. No such thing as a hairy fish. And I don't want to. Yeah, I don't want to step on any other podcast toes here, but maybe.

[Acast Representative]

They are just trying to find bones. But I don't like the skinny little, you know, pathetic ones. I like the big, chunky ones. In fact, in M. S, they've got these anchovies that they sell in this red packaging and they're like seven quid a pack, but they're so, so great.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you make your own anchovies on toast at home?

[Acast Representative]

Every now and then, but it's always a. A real disappointment.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, not really. What do you think you're getting wrong?

[Acast Representative]

Just. I'm putting the toast on the anchovies. Yeah. So it's. It's not the same. It's just not the same experience for me.

[James Acaster]

Really.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. Also, I'm a really dud. I can't cook.

[James Acaster]

But it's toast.

[Acast Representative]

I know, James, you would think that, but I. I'm completely incapable.

[James Acaster]

Really?

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. Useless, actually. Pathetic. Tragic. Just a joke, actually.

[James Acaster]

What'd you get wrong with toast?

[Acast Representative]

I mean, what I don't like. I don't like it when it's floppy. Do you know, when it's barely done, it makes me gag. I'm like, get out of here. It needs to be so close to being burnt and then.

[Ed Gamble]

But not burnt.

[Acast Representative]

But not burnt.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a small window.

[Acast Representative]

It's a very small window. It's a small window. Yeah. And then maybe I'm not using the right butter, I don't know. But it's never Danish standards.

[James Acaster]

Are you using a toaster or a grill when you're toasting the toaster?

[Acast Representative]

Toaster.

[James Acaster]

So, yeah, that's even harder to get it are that exact thing. You can't see it.

[Acast Representative]

I can't see it.

[James Acaster]

You've got it under the grill and you're going for almost burnt but not burnt. Maybe you've got a chance of that.

[Acast Representative]

I've got time to whip it out.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, but in the toaster. You're just thinking our estimate. I think it's about. No, it's a guessing game.

[Ed Gamble]

I also think doing it under the grill With a bit of olive oil on the bread before you put it under would probably make it feel a bit more luxurious.

[James Acaster]

Marco Pierre white over.

[Acast Representative]

Fine. Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Reference for a chef.

[James Acaster]

Huh?

[Acast Representative]

Okay, I'll tell you.

[Ed Gamble]

So that might work.

[Acast Representative]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

But yeah, or a see through toaster. Those are my only two options.

[James Acaster]

Do they exist?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Really?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

Do they really?

[James Acaster]

This guy fought that piss.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Shreds your feet off.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. I don't believe anything.

[Ed Gamble]

That you just take a normal toaster and you piss on it and it goes.

[James Acaster]

See through the thought. People can piss their feet off.

[Ed Gamble]

How do you say people? Pigeons, man.

[James Acaster]

I don't think we can trust about this pigeon.

[Ed Gamble]

You say people can piss their feet off.

[James Acaster]

You did. You said you better be careful. You can piss your feet off.

[Ed Gamble]

That's a delicious starter, I think. Yeah, that's really good. And you. I mean, you could have had it as the bread course and picked something else as the starter, but we're stuck in Lucas.

[Acast Representative]

But yeah, no, you're right.

[James Acaster]

Choosing to just.

[Ed Gamble]

But you said it's the perfect starter.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, it really is the perfect. Perfect starter.

[James Acaster]

You can have it as bread as well.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You have both. You have double, basically double portion. We'll bring you over some anchovies on toast as your bread course. And then starter comes along, it's more anchovies on toast.

[Acast Representative]

Great. Now that would be great, actually, because as I told you, you know, a double serving, I wouldn't. I wouldn't be entirely against.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

I much prefer starters to a dessert.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Ah, yes. Here we go.

[Acast Representative]

Excellent.

[James Acaster]

Okay. Oh, dear.

[Ed Gamble]

James, you just need. This is how people as young as me and Stacey feel.

[Acast Representative]

Okay. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I didn't know that the younger generation.

[Acast Representative]

Listen to the youth.

[James Acaster]

Kids go into starters over desserts.

[Ed Gamble]

I know. Generation World War I or whatever the fuck you are. People who had to go through rationing love a dessert because it's exciting.

[James Acaster]

Yes. Little treat.

[Acast Representative]

Felt like such a treat at the end. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

The Jerrys can't find you if you're eating your pudding.

[Ed Gamble]

But we're Jenny. Gen Z, we liked starters.

[Acast Representative]

We're loosely Gen Z. Stacy.

[Ed Gamble]

We're Gen Z.

[James Acaster]

Well, I'm not gonna lie. You've offended me. Stacey. Not happy to hear that you prefer starters to desserts.

[Acast Representative]

Big on desserts. Really.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Because it's what makes life worth living. I think. I think when you're about to die, you won't be glad to have more starters than desserts. I think you'll think, why don't I eat more puddings?

[Ed Gamble]

James is about to die.

[Acast Representative]

I'm not massively into cake.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, we're all about to die. Not you guys. You spent chickens. You got your whole life life ahead of you. It's gonna be hard for me to continue through this episode now knowing that we're.

[Ed Gamble]

He's now worried about what you're gonna say later.

[James Acaster]

So knowing that we're heading towards a disappointing finale.

[Acast Representative]

Sure. No, that is fair enough.

[Ed Gamble]

Keep it under your hat.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, well, let's sort of drag this out another sort of half an hour or so.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

We'Ll drag it out.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, we'll drag it out for sure.

[James Acaster]

I was gonna say like if for your menu, you've got a bunch of different mums that you know to write your menu for you and what their courses would be.

[Acast Representative]

Maybe that could be the next book we collaborate. Yes, we could. Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Dear menu.

[Acast Representative]

Dear menu.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, there you go.

[Acast Representative]

Or let's work on off many.

[Ed Gamble]

Off many.

[Acast Representative]

Off many. This is perfect. Yeah, yeah, let's keep talking.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Right now in terms of like doing the podcast. Yeah, yeah. You've decided to carry on the podcast. Okay, let's keep talking.

[Ed Gamble]

Let's drag it out for 40 minutes.

[Acast Representative]

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[Verizon Representative]

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[Acast Representative]

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[James Acaster]

Your dream main course.

[Acast Representative]

My dream main course. Two options because you never know what's available.

[James Acaster]

Okay, well, it's your dream menu, so anything. Say both of them, then we will make you choose. Okay, but I want to hear both.

[Acast Representative]

Well, they're both pasta. The first one is puttanesca. You can't believe that accent, can you?

[James Acaster]

No.

[Acast Representative]

Perfectly pronounced.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

And the second one is cacioa. Pepe.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Acast Representative]

I know these aren't massively like, oh, that's so unexpected, but I just love pasta. So, so, so very much. You know what I mean? Like, you can't really go wrong. I don't even mind it when it's al dente. You know, when it's a bit hard, I can sort of deal with that. It's easy, it's perfect.

[Ed Gamble]

What shape of pasta? If this is your obviously your dream, your dream meal. So you can either have a pre existing shape of pasta or you can invent your own.

[Acast Representative]

Oh, I could invent my own.

[James Acaster]

Giving someone that option before. This is exciting.

[Acast Representative]

I thoughtanesca I would have penne. Thick penne, not the skinny little. You know, I like it when it's fresh pasta as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

So like the thick tubes.

[Ed Gamble]

A rigatoni.

[Acast Representative]

Oh, is that what that is?

[Ed Gamble]

That's a thick tube format.

[Acast Representative]

Oh, fine.

[James Acaster]

So how big are we talking, these tubes?

[Acast Representative]

Thick, like a cylinder.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, how much of a cylinder, though? Because then we're entering cannelloni territory.

[Acast Representative]

I don't think cannelloni. No, I think it's, it's half penne. Half. Can you pronounce it, please? Half of each kind of somewhere in between the two.

[James Acaster]

Okay, not.

[Ed Gamble]

Not some penne, some rigatoni, because then you're going to have an issue with the penne hiding in the rigatoni.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, yeah. I'm a busy, busy lady.

[Ed Gamble]

You can't be.

[Acast Representative]

I can't be digging around for penne, can I?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, exactly, yeah.

[Acast Representative]

In my rigatomini. So that kind of shape.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Acast Representative]

I'm not fast, I'm not arsed. Just loosely. That kind of shape. Anchovies.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, of course there's anchovies in the pudanesca as well.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, I just, Yeah, I just, I, I could, I could eat three bowls of that. And I'd still. Yeah, I'd still have room for more. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I've got a big, big appetite. Yeah, yeah. Like, I just love to eat.

[Ed Gamble]

Puttanescara's up there with the, you know, with the sauces for me as well.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

The kick salt.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. I just love salt so very much. My little girl who's two Mini Dooley will. Mini Dooley will not stop eating capers.

[Ed Gamble]

Really, really interesting.

[Acast Representative]

She loves anchovies for obvious reasons.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, well, even that's quite impressive. A two year old, I guess two year olds can. That's not that uncommon, I guess.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But capers.

[Acast Representative]

She loves capers. Last night. This is no top up. I'm not saying this for like. Oh, something interesting to say. She.

[James Acaster]

I mean, fine, if you. Are.

[Acast Representative]

You waiting, aren't you, James?

[Ed Gamble]

That's all right.

[James Acaster]

Just so you know. It's fine if you are. Just say something because it's interesting to say. You're allowed to. This is appropriate.

[Acast Representative]

Please do, actually. But I have to, like, line up individually capers about, you know, five or 10 capers, line them up and then if she has a mouth for salmon or a bit of broccoli, she can have a caper.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Ed Gamble]

So they're like the treat. It's like, finish the rest of your dinner and then you can have one caper. You can have one caper.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. Like, the M M's probably going to be poorly with the salt overdose, but like, she just loves capers.

[James Acaster]

She's having her veggies as well and some fish.

[Acast Representative]

Well, this is anchovies, capers and olives.

[James Acaster]

Well, when did she first have a caper? Was there a puttanesca knocking about and she asked to have a mouthful.

[Acast Representative]

I mean, when did she start, Cap? She's just got such a salty tooth. Like me. She's got such a salty tooth, which I probably shouldn't.

[James Acaster]

It doesn't sound as nice as a sweet tooth, does it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it sounds like the name of a pirate.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, it does. I think because they're always in the house or whatever. She's just massive, massively into them.

[Ed Gamble]

That's really good.

[James Acaster]

So I'm worried now that Mini Dooley's gonna grow up and prefer starters to desserts.

[Acast Representative]

I think she probably might.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. That's a shame.

[Acast Representative]

Although when she's with her nan, like, you know, she'll have seven biscuits and a Peppa Pig lolly and do you know what I mean? It doesn't matter how many times I say can we not give the baby a load of shit? Yeah, she'll come home and have digestive biscuits all over her mouth.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, she's desperate for salty stuff, then, I'd imagine. Well, yeah, she's been eating so much sweet stuff.

[Acast Representative]

So as you can hear, her diet is perfectly balanced. Gonna go out the picture of hell.

[Ed Gamble]

He's got everything. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Who's. Whose mum is the nan?

[Acast Representative]

My mum. So she's our nanny, actually.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

So if I'm working and Kev's away working, my mama love the baby. And them two are thick as thieves, you know? I mean, they're, like, so in love with one another. It's all nanny, nanny. Yeah, they're tight because she's feeling that.

[James Acaster]

The biscuits are good stuff.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, she's not daft. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

I bet her nan tells everyone and, like, she's got to speak to.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, yeah. And, you know, and the thing is, as well, it's like I sort of. It's felt like I don't want to be that, like, rigid, boring, strict mum. But also, we cannot give her five digestive biscuits every day, can we? No, no, we just can't.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Acast Representative]

So actually, I'm about to lay down the law.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. At least give her a more exciting biscuit.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Give her five digestives a day like she's in Oliver Twist.

[Acast Representative]

My mum needs to start listening to me. I'm in charge.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, exactly. Her capers. Give her a big old jar of capers, please.

[James Acaster]

Next book. Next book. People writing letters to their mums. Yes, listen, bitch, I'm in charge.

[Acast Representative]

Times have changed. The tables have turned. Dear Nanny, and you must listen to me. Dear Nanny.

[James Acaster]

Dear Nanny. Fuck your fucking idea. Looking after that kid is a privilege and it can be taken away from you at any second.

[Acast Representative]

Could threaten her.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Acast Representative]

Threaten to take her only granddaughter away from her, out of her life entirely.

[Ed Gamble]

Here's a tin of anchovies. I'll see you on Tuesday.

[James Acaster]

The cacio Pepe.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Spaghetti.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, I think so.

[James Acaster]

How many bowls of that could you eat?

[Acast Representative]

Easy. 3.

[James Acaster]

So we're so no closer to deciding between the two of them.

[Ed Gamble]

The problem is they do balance each other out so well because the cacio e Pepe, very rich. It's got that creamy feel to it.

[Acast Representative]

Butter and then.

[Ed Gamble]

And, yeah, so much butter. And then the puttanesca is like. It cuts through everything. I don't know how you're feeling about a pasta platter, James.

[James Acaster]

Oh, I'll be open to a pasta platter.

[Acast Representative]

Do you Love pasta, James.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I ate a lot of treats of broccoli pasta during the lockdowns. To be honest, since the lockdowns have lifted, I haven't gone near pasta. That much pasta down because I was having it, you know, five nights a week minimum.

[Acast Representative]

That's a lot. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I was so into this chorizo broccoli pasta. It was so easy to make. I felt every single bowl of it was delicious. I never got bored of it until as soon as there was no longer lockdowns and restrictions and people were calming down about COVID Suddenly I was like, I don't really want to eat that anymore.

[Acast Representative]

You're over it? Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. My girlfriend's still knocking it, but she had cheb went last night. I was like, you have got to get yourself out of lockdown.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, we're 20, 25 now, babes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think I've ever made pasta at home and felt good afterwards.

[Acast Representative]

Stop.

[Ed Gamble]

So it's either too much pasta. So I just sat there on the sofa being like, why have I done this to myself?

[Acast Representative]

Gone too far?

[Ed Gamble]

Or when I go back to make pasta, I'm like, remember what happened last time, Ed? You felt awful after that. And then you make what the normal portion's supposed to be, and then I'm starving afterwards.

[Acast Representative]

Too small.

[Ed Gamble]

It's about eight bits of pasta.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's Goldilocks over there.

[Acast Representative]

That's not enough. I'm Goldilocks.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm Italian. Goldilocks.

[Acast Representative]

You are, actually. I hate it when they sort of, you know, suggest portion sizes. I think, what kind of hell is this? It's like when you buy a pie, you know, I mean, like, just a supermarket pie, and they're like, should feed four. Like, I'm like, I could eat that whole pie, no hassle.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

If you just sell a smaller pie. If that's what you're trying to do to people.

[Acast Representative]

Correct.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

I want a supermarket pie now.

[Acast Representative]

I love supermarket pies. Steak, steak and ale. I don't like steak and kidney, just steak and ale.

[James Acaster]

What. What you got against steak and kidney? I'm guessing it's the kidney.

[Ed Gamble]

I think it's the kidney, judging by what's in. Yeah, it's not. It's not a steak, is it?

[James Acaster]

So, yeah, it's taken hours getting through the door.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So you got to assume steak and kidney's been denied for a reason.

[Ed Gamble]

That would be the weirdest thing ever said on this podcast. If you said, love steak and ale. Hate steak and kidney. Can't stand steak.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

The pastry I don't like.

[Acast Representative]

I actually don't know all the brilliant pie shops, so I need to. Because you guys are foodies, you need to. You need to point me in the right direction.

[Ed Gamble]

Like traditional pie shops.

[Acast Representative]

Well, I like the idea of the traditional pie shops. I used to go to that one in Peckham. What's it called?

[Ed Gamble]

Is it Amanda's? The. It's man's.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. Where they do the liquor.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Acast Representative]

The girls in there are lovely, and I did, you know, I did sort of enjoy it.

[James Acaster]

That sound like.

[Acast Representative]

No, listen, I did. I did so far.

[Ed Gamble]

You said the girls in there are lovely.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, the girls were, like, brilliant. And I loved, like, you know, it was a beautiful space. And I don't think the liquor was for me. Maybe.

[Ed Gamble]

It's parsley sauce, isn't it? Yeah, Yeah. I like parsley sauce.

[James Acaster]

Rylan loves it.

[Ed Gamble]

Rylan loves it.

[Acast Representative]

I love his art. Yeah. Yeah. I prefer gravy that hasn't really been mixed properly, so there's still, like, half an Oxo cube at the bottom of the cup.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, well, no restaurant's gonna do that for you.

[Acast Representative]

Maybe I'll just sort myself out at home.

[James Acaster]

Legitimate establishment isn't doing that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, no, they are. Those pie shops are beautiful inside.

[Acast Representative]

Really beautiful. All the tiling, you know, it's all.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I think they're protected. I think you're not allowed to change them.

[Acast Representative]

Is that right?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, because there's one in. In Walthamstow which is no longer a pie shop. It's a Japanese restaurant. But they can't change the interior.

[Acast Representative]

Oh, fine.

[Ed Gamble]

You can go and have a nice Japanese meal. But sat in an old pie shop.

[James Acaster]

And of course, the.

[Ed Gamble]

Is that interesting?

[James Acaster]

Huh?

[Ed Gamble]

Is that interesting what I just said?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's very interesting.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I felt if you ever said something and just felt like the most boring version of your dad possible. That was me.

[Acast Representative]

Then was James and I not giving you a reaction? Yeah, that was. That's on us. We should have reacted more.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you. And thank you for admitting that.

[James Acaster]

I mean, definitely. I'll tell you something along those lines. The other day, I was cleaning out the cat litter tray.

[Acast Representative]

This is really interesting, James.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's more the sort of thing I was.

[James Acaster]

After my cat had done a. A shit in. I guess in four parts.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Okay. Four parts.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Four part shit.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Like, it's a new TV series.

[James Acaster]

Four parts of the shit.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And I was scooping them up, and it's cat. It's flushable. So directly in the toilet. Can't the trace. Next toilet. Bam, bam, bam. Fourth one, scoop it up. And I think to myself, oh, that's. Oh, that's interesting. That was the first bit of that came out of its box. I was watching that, so realize that the last. The last bit that I scooped up was the first bit that came out of its ass. And then I thought. My next thought was, I'm turning into my dad.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I wouldn't say Stacey enjoyed that anecdote.

[Acast Representative]

Do you know, that's on me again, though. I'm not massively into cats. I don't really like cats.

[Ed Gamble]

It was the cat bit that put you off that story.

[James Acaster]

That puts you off the story.

[Acast Representative]

It wasn't the drawn out explanation of, you know, the shit. It was the fact that it was a cat.

[Ed Gamble]

If it was a bloke who'd done.

[Acast Representative]

Those shits, I'd be really interested.

[James Acaster]

I'll bear that in mind.

[Acast Representative]

What's your cat called?

[James Acaster]

I've got four.

[Acast Representative]

Have you? James. That's interesting.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Acast Representative]

That. Okay.

[James Acaster]

But that was rude. That was Rue in particular, who don't know shits.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, Rue's a small one as well.

[James Acaster]

She's one of the smaller ones. Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

So you love cats?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, love them cats.

[Acast Representative]

So not into. I know. We're never gonna marry, are we?

[James Acaster]

I guess not. Especially with Kevin the way.

[Acast Representative]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm a cat guy as well.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. Really? Fine.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Acast Representative]

One though I truly am not into cats even in the slightest.

[James Acaster]

That's a shame.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, I like dogs, but it'd be irresponsible to get a dog at the minute. The baby loves dogs. She's into this cat actually as well that's down the road and I always try and swerve and I just didn't go away. The cat, not my child.

[James Acaster]

Why do you like cats so much? It seems to be a proper hate.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. They're sort of quite probably get canceled because everyone loves cats. But they're so quite contrary, aren't they? And they don't really need you and they bring mice in. I'm like, I have a massive phobia of mice. Pigeons and mice. Pigeons and rodents. It's just a hard. No. I actually had a mouse in my kitchen the other week and I genuinely contemplated moving out.

[Ed Gamble]

Called your daughter many.

[Acast Representative]

I know you're actually. Yeah, yeah. But more like mini driver.

[Ed Gamble]

Right. Okay.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, yeah. So I just think I wouldn't be weird, actually. I wouldn't be able to trust a cat not bringing a mouse into my House.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, my cat's a house cat, so. Has never met a mouse.

[Acast Representative]

Never left the house.

[Ed Gamble]

Never left out.

[James Acaster]

Do you want to hear something nuts?

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, sure.

[James Acaster]

I was in a film with mini Driver and I played a mouse.

[Acast Representative]

Stop. That's not true, James.

[James Acaster]

That is true.

[Acast Representative]

He was in a film with Minnie Driver.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You weren't in the same with the way.

[James Acaster]

No, I wasn't in a scene with her.

[Acast Representative]

You played a mouse.

[James Acaster]

We were in the same film.

[Acast Representative]

What film?

[James Acaster]

Cinderella.

[Acast Representative]

Stop.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. She's the queen. I was a mouse who turns into a footman.

[Acast Representative]

This is unbelievable.

[Ed Gamble]

It is unbelievable, isn't it?

[Acast Representative]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna watch you on the way back.

[James Acaster]

Amazon.

[Acast Representative]

James, that's amazing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, pretty amazing.

[Acast Representative]

I mean, I knew you were like a high flying comedian.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Acast Representative]

But you also.

[Ed Gamble]

He's a film star as well.

[James Acaster]

I'm a film star.

[Ed Gamble]

He's in Ghostbusters.

[James Acaster]

I'm in Ghostbusters.

[Acast Representative]

Stop this.

[James Acaster]

Lars Pinfield is a parabolist, James.

[Acast Representative]

You really are.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, he's a superstar.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And I'll still scoop up my cat.

[Acast Representative]

You're still so real.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Your dream side dish.

[Acast Representative]

My dream side dish. I think I'm gonna go for arancini. Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Very Italian.

[Acast Representative]

Well, the reason being, I don't like it when. I don't like mixing up cuisines.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Acast Representative]

So of course I love other genres. Is that the right word?

[Ed Gamble]

Sure, sure.

[Acast Representative]

But I don't like mixy matchy.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Okay, fair enough.

[Acast Representative]

You know, so if I'd have started with Thai, I would have stayed with Thai. If I started with Japanese, I would have stayed with Japanese. Love Japanese foods. But I thought Italian. Let's just stay in the same country.

[Ed Gamble]

Lovely. What do you want in the arancini? Because you can get ones with, like, stuff in the middle. Right.

[Acast Representative]

Probably like truffle and mushroom or something like that.

[Ed Gamble]

Great.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Missed an opportunity to just stick another anchovy into the meal.

[Acast Representative]

I do know what you mean. I do know what you mean. I also like it when they fry the olives.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, my God, I love that.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, that could be a nice side dish. I love them. I could eat hundreds of hundreds of them. As could my child, of course.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. There was. The first time I had those was at a restaurant called Spontina, which is not there anymore. And I. I'd never had it before. Did not not know it was a thing. They bring you a little, like cocktail glass thing full of just massive green olives with an anchovy in the middle, breadcrumb Deep fried. I was like, I'd never need to eat anything else.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Try doing those at home.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. They would be tricky, I'd imagine.

[Ed Gamble]

I could. Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

Be difficult.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

Do you cook?

[James Acaster]

Not. Not really, no.

[Acast Representative]

I can do, like, a few broccoli and chorizo pasta.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

For example.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So I've got. I've got a few.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But, like, actually, since the lockdowns, really not much at all. I've probably forgotten to cook.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

A lot of the stuff that. How to cook, a lot of the stuff that I was cooking and then, you know, get rusty.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

But, you know, I mainly just roast stuff. I roast a butternut squash, but that's great. I just do, like, quick things.

[Acast Representative]

You're nice. Yeah. My oven doesn't really work, so you don't really know. Again, this is so boring, actually, but my oven, I've kind of. I've been in the house nearly two years, and the oven, you don't know if it's gonna act as an oven or a grill.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Acast Representative]

So you just have to.

[Ed Gamble]

So it just does what. What it wants.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, it just does what it wants. And I can't figure it out. I've googled it. I've, you know, searched the. The. The style of the oven. I've asked the lady who I bought it off.

[Ed Gamble]

Right.

[Acast Representative]

She's such a sweetheart. Like, she's sort of taught me through it numerous times. I just. I can't figure it out. So I'm gonna renovate the kitchen.

[Ed Gamble]

The whole kitchen?

[Acast Representative]

The whole kitchen. The whole kitchen's getting renovated just to replace the oven. No, I just can't anymore. Christmas dinner, it was like, is this bird gonna cook? Yeah, it did.

[Ed Gamble]

I feel like that about stuff sometimes. One thing in the house doesn't work. My first thought, always my first thought is, let's move.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Let's throughout the whole house and start again.

[Acast Representative]

Like me with a mouse.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. Which is completely rational. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So you're not. It's not. It's not a case of, like, you're turning the dial wrong.

[Acast Representative]

Maybe I could show you.

[James Acaster]

Sometimes it's a grill, sometimes it's another.

[Acast Representative]

I know. No, there's, like. Because she said. This is so boring. I'm so sorry.

[James Acaster]

You've got no idea how many times we have told stories that are boring and then retold them on the podcast.

[Ed Gamble]

To eat their broccoli pasta, for example.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. And the cat shit.

[Ed Gamble]

No, the cat. That is the first appearance of the cat shit. And after the episode I will be having a word with James and saying, please don't make that a running.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. Or trim it down quite substantially.

[James Acaster]

Quite solid.

[Acast Representative]

Anyway, I can't figure it out. It's like sometimes the oven's on but the grill is also on. It's really annoying.

[Ed Gamble]

It's James and Fuhad from Shits and Geeks podcast and we're here to talk about Boost Mobile, the newest 5G network in the country.

[Acast Representative]

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[Ed Gamble]

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[Acast Representative]

These include letting people try the network.

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[Acast Representative]

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[Ed Gamble]

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[Acast Representative]

Visit your nearest Boost Mobile store and.

[Verizon Representative]

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[James Acaster]

Your dream drink. Is this going to be Italian?

[Acast Representative]

Well, I don't know what this is. Shirley Temple, I'm gonna say not Italian, no. Is that British?

[James Acaster]

American?

[Ed Gamble]

I'd say American, yeah. Because it's named after Shirley Temple.

[Acast Representative]

After the actual Shirley.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I think a certain bar as well, wasn't it?

[Acast Representative]

But yeah, I love a Shirley Temple. And did you see recently that little lad that went viral, he was the Shirley Temple King.

[James Acaster]

No, I didn't see this. Tell us about the little lad.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, New York Times did a piece on him. This kid, I don't know, like 12, 13, whatever. He was just going around the whole of New York. Is it New York? I don't know all of the details. Anyway, this lads in America sort of going around all, all the establishments and trying the Shirley Temples and has become like this, you know, the Shirley Temple King stepping on my toes.

[Ed Gamble]

The sort of thing you'd do because.

[Acast Representative]

I love shirt yeah, but like I.

[James Acaster]

Got viral for it, that kid.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, because you're 40.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, I'm 40. Much older than us, James. Yeah, yeah, I am much, much older.

[Ed Gamble]

I think if there was a story about a 40 year old going around trying all the Shirley Temples, it would be like a, like, watch out for this man.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

I'll be on the news, on a register.

[Ed Gamble]

What is a Shirley Temple for our listeners?

[Acast Representative]

So. And for me, I just always ask for it. So is it like. It's ginger ale or ginger beer, I think, and grenadine, the cherries, bit of lime. Am I right? Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Is there anything else? Bonito.

[James Acaster]

Is that ginger ale or ginger beer? Ginger ale, yeah.

[Acast Representative]

I put lime. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I put lime soda in it. I could. Listen, I love a Shirley Temple. I don't booze, I don't drink.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Acast Representative]

So actually I started ordering them out of necessity just because I wanted a fancy drink also. And the thing is, if you don't drink and you've got just your sparkling water, there's like, wait, don't drink. Oh my God. So crazy, you know. Oh my God. How come? So I just have a Shirley Temple and I'm in with the gang.

[James Acaster]

In with a gang?

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's nice to be in with a gang, isn't it?

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Is there anywhere that you know does a good Shirley Temple? Because I would say if you. I wouldn't walk in anywhere and be like, Shirley Temple, please. Does it panic people if you're just asking for a Shirley Temple?

[Acast Representative]

It depends where you are. I was in Gleneagles in Scotland the other week. Very fancy, very fancy. And they made me a very nice Shirley Temple. I bet they did, as you can imagine. Yeah, but there's also like, there's a company, it's based in London actually, and they make pre made Shirley Temples.

[Ed Gamble]

Great.

[Acast Representative]

And my pal always buys me a bottle for, for Christmas. Is it like black notes or something? Black lines.

[Ed Gamble]

I think I know what you mean. Yeah. Something lines.

[Acast Representative]

Isn't that.

[James Acaster]

I bet you look forward to that.

[Acast Representative]

Black lines. Yeah, black lines. Do a nice bottle of Shirley Temple and it's already made.

[James Acaster]

Delicious.

[Ed Gamble]

He'll be buying that, won't you?

[James Acaster]

I'll be buying that, yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially, I mean, maybe for Christmas.

[Acast Representative]

Try it.

[James Acaster]

Maybe I'll add it to the Christmas repertoire.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. See what you think.

[James Acaster]

What? Are you ever. I mean, you should be asked this during Christmas episodes, but it's come up naturally. You're looking forward to that bottle of the black lines. Shelley Temple at Christmas. What other things you looking forward to eating at Christmas? Are there certain snacks and stuff you have around the house that are just at Christmas? Not the Christmas dinner, no, but the snacks that are around.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. Fine.

[Ed Gamble]

TVS and blankets.

[Acast Representative]

We have the Bombay mix.

[James Acaster]

The Bombay mix.

[Acast Representative]

Twiglets.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

Those celebrations. The celebrations that everyone wheels out.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you look disappointed? Then when the sweet stuff came up, immediately you're like, bombay mix, Twiglets. Fucking celebration.

[Acast Representative]

They're just so obvious, Kev. This is so generic of you. Take them back.

[James Acaster]

Generic. Actually, I agree with you.

[Ed Gamble]

Poor Kev. Getting it in the neck for bringing you chocolates.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like Ferrero Rochers.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Acast Representative]

I just. You know what it's like. You just sit on the sofa, rot, don't you? We put the royal Family on.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

Not the actual royal family. Royal family. I've seen every single episode. I'm so obsessed with Ricky Thomas and I can't begin to tell you, we sit there.

[Ed Gamble]

That's good to rot to because they're rotting on the show as well. Right?

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. We are just mirroring them. But I'll eat anything at Christmas. My diet's pretty poor, I've got to say. Like, coming down on the train, I had a KitKat at 9am Four fingers again. Four fingers laughing to yourself on the train.

[James Acaster]

My mouth full of chocolate. Can't believe this.

[Verizon Representative]

I'm crazy.

[James Acaster]

Can't believe they start with this at 9am Mad.

[Acast Representative]

I'm so random. I'm so mad. So, yeah, I'll eat shit all the time, but Christmas, I'm just like, let's go.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Love it.

[Ed Gamble]

It's good for that.

[James Acaster]

Love the Christmas snacks. I mean, it's February. As we record this, I'm already now excited for Christmas. I want to get all those Christmas snacks in again.

[Acast Representative]

Also, Easter, you can sort of do whatever you like, can't you? I mean, any kind of.

[Ed Gamble]

Less and less now with Easter, I find.

[James Acaster]

Not for you, Old salty tooth.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Good luck celebrating Easter. Good luck being glad that he rose again.

[Ed Gamble]

Scott, show.

[Acast Representative]

Salted caramel. Salted caramel. Chocolate.

[James Acaster]

It. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scotch egg.

[Ed Gamble]

Get a Scotch egg.

[Acast Representative]

I love Scotch eggs, actually.

[James Acaster]

Really? Oh, here we go. This is where the saltiness.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I'm having a nightmare at the moment because I bought my wife. We don't really do Valentine's stuff, but I was out with my friend Chloe and we both needed to go and buy stuff for our partners for Valentine's. So she was doing it and I.

[Acast Representative]

Was like, you felt yeah, you must. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, bought a card or whatever. Bought a box of lint. The lint balls.

[Acast Representative]

Oh, yeah, I know what you mean. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You got back. Happy Valentine's.

[Acast Representative]

Was that the whole present? Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. But my wife's not got me anything. We don't do Valentine's.

[Acast Representative]

It's not really. It's not really for boys.

[Ed Gamble]

We don't do anything for each other for that. So she's gutted because she's like, I've not done anything for you. It's like, well, I won that.

[Acast Representative]

I'd rather nothing than a box of lint bowls.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, wait till. Fair enough. Wait till you hear this.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely fair enough.

[Ed Gamble]

I've done half those balls.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. They weren't ready for her, were they?

[Ed Gamble]

She's not had one.

[Acast Representative]

No, no.

[James Acaster]

She's not interested in them. No.

[Acast Representative]

Love her art. You had to take her out for dinner or what? No, Ed, I take her out for.

[Ed Gamble]

Dinner all the time and take her out for dinner another time.

[Acast Representative]

You're a nice guy.

[Ed Gamble]

Also going out on Valentine's night. Actually, we did go out for dinner on Valentine's night.

[Acast Representative]

Oh, fine.

[Ed Gamble]

And when I say we, I mean me and James.

[James Acaster]

It was nice.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

Are you married, James?

[James Acaster]

No. I have a girlfriend. Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

Did you get anything for Valentine's?

[James Acaster]

Nope.

[Acast Representative]

No. Okay.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely nothing. Because she would have been very disappointed in me if I had.

[Acast Representative]

She finds it repulsive. Yes, some girls do get the ick, but not me. I need fuss, fuss, fuss.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

Yep.

[James Acaster]

Why?

[Acast Representative]

Because I just love treats. I just love a treat. I'm expecting, like, a bouquet. Not red roses, obviously, but like a luxe bouquet. Kev bought me a mini. He's actually very romantic. He bought me a mini mattress, necklaces.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely dead meat.

[Acast Representative]

If he's not you, don't get me anything for the full.

[James Acaster]

Well, you know me, darling. I'm a romantic, so you're in good hands.

[Acast Representative]

No, I really want to do it. Yeah. I really want to.

[James Acaster]

What did he get you?

[Acast Representative]

He got me a Minnie. Matching necklaces.

[James Acaster]

Oh, Minnie's getting a present.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She got a bouquet off her dad. Yeah. You need to set the bar high so when she's older, she doesn't go for a man who won't buy her anything for Valentine's Day.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But look, me and James don't get things for Valentine's Day. But we're still lovely men, so lovely men are out there.

[Acast Representative]

No, that is be true. You are both great, but there needs.

[Ed Gamble]

To be an agreement within the relationship.

[James Acaster]

What Valentine's means be on the same page.

[Acast Representative]

Some girls do get the ick. Like, a couple of my pals are like, oh, it's not. There's nothing spontaneous about it. Like, it's not for me.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I do agree with that. And I did only do it because, you know, I was just knocking around Sainsbury's Worth.

[James Acaster]

You're right. That what Ed did is the worst version of it.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. The worst.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I'm not gonna bother in future.

[James Acaster]

No, absolutely not.

[Ed Gamble]

Truly. I think I only did it because I knew she wouldn't do anything for me. And I knew I'd win if I got anything.

[James Acaster]

That's what love's about.

[Acast Representative]

And that's what it's all about. It is winning.

[James Acaster]

Did you get Kevin anything?

[Acast Representative]

Actually, I did. I did, but it's like, I don't really go to town in the same way that he does.

[Ed Gamble]

Why would you.

[James Acaster]

Why would you? Don't need to.

[Acast Representative]

So I got treated the way that.

[James Acaster]

You want to be treated. What'd you get?

[Ed Gamble]

What did Kev get?

[Acast Representative]

He's writing a. He's writing a series at the moment about boring dance.

[James Acaster]

Cool.

[Acast Representative]

So I got him some lettered, like, paper with his name up the top.

[James Acaster]

Did you also write, may you rot in hell at the top?

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. It wasn't enough. Next year, get me more things. Buy my love.

[James Acaster]

Now, that's a very classy present.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, it's, like, thoughtful.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Did you get his name right?

[Acast Representative]

Spelt it right? Yeah, yeah, just Kevin Clifton. It's very difficult.

[James Acaster]

That's nice. That's nice.

[Acast Representative]

Nice gift. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's my birthday next week, so there'll be more treats to come.

[James Acaster]

So Kev's got a. The treats are coming.

[Ed Gamble]

We all like treats.

[James Acaster]

I think that would be a good next book.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I keep on pitching these books to you, Dear Kev. But I would, like.

[Acast Representative]

Buy me more.

[Ed Gamble]

Dear Kev is a bunch of, like.

[James Acaster]

You reviewing presents that your partner and ex partners have got you.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, wow.

[James Acaster]

So, like, being like, here's what I got for this Valentine's. Here's what I got for this birthday. And, like, writing. Each chapter is about each present and.

[Ed Gamble]

What you think of it. Keep it. Kev. On his toes as well.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. You don't want to get lazy, do you? That's a great idea, James. All right, fine.

[James Acaster]

I'd buy that.

[Acast Representative]

I'll bring it to the publishers, see what they say.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm not sure what it'd do for your public image.

[Acast Representative]

I do know what you mean.

[James Acaster]

Would Be great if you call it fuss, fuss, fuss or whatever.

[Acast Representative]

Maybe if I did it and pretended I was doing it in like an ironic way, but really it would be a very serious. Yeah, just pretend. Maybe if I just pretended.

[Ed Gamble]

The intro is all of the following book is ironic.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Fuss, fuss, fuss.

[James Acaster]

Chapter one. Kev was in the doghouse. Your dream dessert. Now, obviously I'm nervous going into this. I know that you don't like desserts. The Ferrero Rocher thing gave me a bit of hope.

[Ed Gamble]

But you like treats. We know you like treats. And treats are often sweet.

[Acast Representative]

I do like desserts.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Acast Representative]

I do. I just prefer starters.

[James Acaster]

Correct.

[Acast Representative]

But for my desserts, again, there were two options. Key lime pie or apple crumble. With custard.

[James Acaster]

Okay, nice.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. You know where you are with both of those. Apple crumble. Any crumble, really. Any sort of fruit crumble, I sort of get, you know, when I'm. I live in Liverpool, so I can go to any pub, any restaurant and get like a decent crumble, like a proper homemade crumble with, like, proper custards. Key lime pie is like, more of a treat. Don't. Really. Yeah, I sort of. Yeah, I have to sort of buy them in. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Where are you buying. Buying them in from?

[Acast Representative]

Waitrose.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Status. Pretending to smoke a cigarette.

[Acast Representative]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

To signify the bougieness.

[Acast Representative]

I'm actually so obsessed with Waitroses.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think smoking a cigarette makes it feel bougie.

[Acast Representative]

It's like a skin.

[Ed Gamble]

Right. Okay.

[James Acaster]

Your mind's rolling it up first.

[Ed Gamble]

And you mind wearing fingerless gloves and.

[James Acaster]

Doing a rolly with the key lime pie. Are you having it just as is?

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. I don't like ice cream.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Acast Representative]

Do you?

[Ed Gamble]

Wow. This is.

[Acast Representative]

I do not like ice cream. I mean, if pushed, I would have, like, the sorbet one.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, we're not going to push you into it.

[James Acaster]

No, you definitely push you into anything.

[Acast Representative]

But I think this is disgraceful.

[James Acaster]

Sad. I feel sorry for you.

[Acast Representative]

You feel sorry for me? I just. Yeah, I just think I would rather a lolly than an ice cream. And even then, you know, I'd have a lolly just because, oh, it's 30 degrees. I might as well just have a lolly. But not. I really am craving a lot.

[Ed Gamble]

You prefer a bowl of cold capers?

[Acast Representative]

I would.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

No, I would. Iced cold bowl of capers and a lovely Shirley tea. That would be perfect. Truly.

[Ed Gamble]

That does sound good, actually.

[Acast Representative]

It does sound great.

[Ed Gamble]

Shirley Temple's quite sweet, though, I guess, because. So you're Getting a bit of sweetness from your drink anyway.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Have we made a decision between this key lime pie and the crumble and custard?

[Acast Representative]

I mean, it's not uniformed throughout. It's the only problem. I've fallen at the last hurdle because, you know, I like it all to be one cuisine. And I like.

[Ed Gamble]

You'd need a tiramisu.

[Acast Representative]

Do with the tiramisu, but I don't like tiramisu. I don't know what other Italian desserts are available.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I guess like gelato, but you don't. You don't like gelato.

[James Acaster]

That's not going to work. I mean, a little cannoli.

[Acast Representative]

I do love cannolis. Will I swap it? Shall I swap? Shall I swap it? The cannoli.

[James Acaster]

It's up to you. It's your dream meal. I guess it comes down to what's the most important to you is sticking with the cuisine all the way through.

[Acast Representative]

I do like that idea.

[James Acaster]

Or having these favorite desserts.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, I'm gonna swap it.

[Ed Gamble]

What about a cannoli with the flavors of key lime pie? So.

[Acast Representative]

Yes, because you can fill it with whatever you eat.

[James Acaster]

You fill it with that. Yeah. Stuff that basically is the lime. The key lime. It's not even lime flavor, is it? Is it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, Key limes made with key lime.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. So the. The lime filling. And then I thought I'd heard some trivia that is like, actually, it's not lime surprise. But then, as I said.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it's the piss that gives it the flavor.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

Maybe I'm gonna swap, actually. So then it's all perfect.

[James Acaster]

You want a key lime pie flavor, Cannoli.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. Or honeycomb, because I had one of them the other day, and it's beautiful. I could feel it was sticking to my teeth. I could barely open my jaw. I thought, this is great.

[James Acaster]

Just a slab of honey. Honeycomb.

[Acast Representative]

In the cannoli.

[James Acaster]

In the cannoli.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah. Okay, I'll go for that. Yeah, I'm gonna go for that.

[James Acaster]

A honeycomb cannoli.

[Acast Representative]

I feel like I'm on some kind of quiz show.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Acast Representative]

I'm gonna. I've changed my mind. I lock it in.

[Ed Gamble]

Lock it in.

[Acast Representative]

It's locked in.

[Ed Gamble]

Lock it in. Lock your jaw with the honeycomb.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Tam was the king of that.

[Ed Gamble]

Lock it in.

[Acast Representative]

Are you sure?

[James Acaster]

Okay. You're looking at him fine. Just. So he played it. So he played a blinder every time.

[Acast Representative]

It's a long time ago, wasn't it?

[James Acaster]

Very long time ago. But like, I was thinking about it the other day and thinking like he was always good on it and I think it's cuz it was so big but he never got another gig while it was on.

[Acast Representative]

That's true.

[Ed Gamble]

Tarant on tv. Put some respect while it was on. Yeah. That must have been at the same time. Tarrant on tv.

[Acast Representative]

It's funny, I've never seen that.

[Ed Gamble]

It was clips of wacky shows from around the world.

[Acast Representative]

I haven't seen that one, but I can look on YouTube after I've watched Cinderella.

[James Acaster]

I'll read your menu back to you now.

[Acast Representative]

Okay, thank you.

[James Acaster]

See how you feel about it.

[Acast Representative]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

You're sparkling water.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You would like poppy ons of bread. You want the anchovies on toast and then starter. You want anchovies on toast again?

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Both times from Copenhagen.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Main course, the pasta platter, puttanesca with your rigatoni, penne mashup and caccio pepe with spaghetti side dish, truffle and mushroom arancini. Which I feel that we didn't speak enough about.

[Ed Gamble]

We didn't, but it was a good choice.

[James Acaster]

Your drink, Shirley Temple. And dessert, a honeycomb cannoli.

[Acast Representative]

That is great.

[Ed Gamble]

That is good. And you've kept the cuisine consistent throughout.

[Acast Representative]

And I'm really pleased about that.

[Ed Gamble]

Really? Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

But I would have an English breakfast after. So once I've had the entire tea. Yeah, once I've had the entire.

[Ed Gamble]

Honestly, for a second thought you meant you're gonna have a full English after all of that. She wasn't lying about her appetite.

[James Acaster]

Can't have all that Italian food.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Let's get this far.

[James Acaster]

I'll get myself back to blighting I'm full English.

[Acast Representative]

No, Then I'd have a cuppa at the end.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, lovely.

[Acast Representative]

That round it off perfectly.

[James Acaster]

Cup of tea at the end, ready for bed, chill out. And then bed. Is it bed after the meal?

[Acast Representative]

That would be. Honest. That would be a really lovely evening.

[Ed Gamble]

Straight to bed after that full Italian meal.

[Acast Representative]

I love an early. Yeah, Truly I am in bed at 8 o' clock.

[James Acaster]

Are you?

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Wow. What time's Mini Dooley get into bed?

[Acast Representative]

Eight o' clock.

[James Acaster]

So if I get to bed, you put a bed. You go to bed.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, we sleep in my beds. Because Kev's always on tour. Do you know what I mean? My boyfriend is on tour. He's doing Chicago at the minute. So he's like away for months and months and months. So I just think, oh, I'll just hang out with Minnie May as well. Go to bed, blah, blah, blah. Get a pajama.

[Ed Gamble]

Plus Kev's up till 3am trying to work out what treat to buy your next correct.

[James Acaster]

Sweating, terrified, Traveling the world.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Can't get him another giant Tobler.

[Acast Representative]

So we're in bed at 8. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Has he brought you back anything fun from his travels?

[Acast Representative]

Well, it's a national tour, so. What's he brought me back? Not really. I know he's really. He's really let me down there, Kev, please. Gotta pull your socks up. You've gotta try harder.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Acast Representative]

Make an effort.

[James Acaster]

He knows your dream menu now.

[Acast Representative]

He knows my dream menu.

[James Acaster]

But if he doesn't make you that.

[Ed Gamble]

He'S not brilliant cargo every night night he has to hear about wives killing their husbands.

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, yeah. He's just trying to keep Roxy alive.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Take it as a warning, Kev.

[Acast Representative]

He's just singing razzle dazzle every night.

[James Acaster]

There'll be another person in the cell block tango soon. Stacy's singing about he didn't buy me a treat, didn't buy me a tree who didn't buy you a treat.

[Acast Representative]

There just wasn't enough fuss my way.

[Ed Gamble]

That would work in that song as well. Fuss, fuss.

[James Acaster]

That would be good.

[Ed Gamble]

Fuss, fuss, fuss, fussy fuss. Yeah. Thank you so much for coming to the dream restaurant, Stacy.

[Acast Representative]

Thanks for having me.

[James Acaster]

Thank you, Stacy.

[Ed Gamble]

There we are, James. What a fun chat with Stacy.

[James Acaster]

Well, I hope Kev's been listening and taking notes. Fuss Fuzz, fuss the three Fs.

[Ed Gamble]

Three Fs. Fantastic. Don't forget that dear Minnie is out now. Stacey's brand new book, do go and get yourself a copy of of that.

[James Acaster]

And thank you, Stacy, for not saying mini cheddar. We didn't have to kick anyone out of that dream restaurant.

[Ed Gamble]

No, we did not. Even though myself and Bonito are both ched heads.

[James Acaster]

You're both ched heads, but it's not very Italian. Mini cheddar? No.

[Ed Gamble]

You know I'm in a cheddar.

[James Acaster]

Huh?

[Ed Gamble]

A mini cheddar?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Good.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you very much for listening. We'll be back next week with another off menu podcast.

[James Acaster]

Goodbye.

[Verizon Representative]

Now at Verizon, we have some big news for your peace of mind. For all our customers, existing and new, we're locking in low prices for three years guaranteed on my plan and my home. That's future you peace of mind and everyone can save on a brand new new phone. On my plan. When you trade in any phone from one of our top brands, that's new phone peace of mind. Because at Verizon. Whether you're already a customer or you're just joining us, we got you. Visit Verizon today. Price guarantee applies to then current base monthly rate. Additional terms and conditions apply for all offers.

[Acast Representative]

Hello there, Off Menu listeners. It's me, Amy Gledhill, and you might remember me from my episode of Off Menu when I chose to have seaweed on mash. And I'll be taking no further questions.

[James Acaster]

And my name is Ian Smith and you may remember me from the one.

[Acast Representative]

Line of dialogue had in a non broadcast Channel 4 pilot. Maybe you're in the studio audience at the time, who can forget?

[James Acaster]

But that's not what we're here to talk about.

[Acast Representative]

No. Nor the news. Our podcast is coming back for series four.

[James Acaster]

And don't worry, it's not a boring news podcast.

[Acast Representative]

No way. We're two northerners living in London and every week we catch up on the weirdest, most bizarre local news from up north. Things like woman in tears after spotting spitting image of dead dog in bath mat. Pure evil blackbird named Derek terrorizing Yorkshire village and attacking children. And we're jo joined by special correspondence every week. Like you one and only Ed Gamble, who you might have heard of.

[James Acaster]

You'll remember him from this podcast, the.

[Acast Representative]

One you're listening to now. Yeah, he hosts it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, co host.

[Acast Representative]

He was on my episode of Off Menu.

[James Acaster]

Was he?

[Acast Representative]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think he was in the non Broadcast Channel 4 pilot I did as well. Oh, he will have been. He's a nice guy. That's Northern News out every Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts.