Ep 296: Self Esteem (Live in London)

Summary

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster – Episode 296: Self Esteem (Live in London)
Release Date: June 2, 2025
Host/Guests:

• James Acaster – Comedian and Co-host
• Ed Gamble – Comedian and Co-host
• Rebecca Lucy Taylor ("Self Esteem") – Special Guest

---

Introduction

In Episode 296 of Off Menu, titled Self Esteem (Live in London), comedians Ed Gamble and James Acaster host the talented singer-songwriter Rebecca Lucy Taylor, affectionately known as Self Esteem. Recorded live at the iconic London Palladium on March 22, 2025, the episode promises a delightful blend of humor, heartfelt conversations, and culinary inspirations.

Welcoming Self Esteem

The hosts kick off the episode with enthusiastic banter, welcoming Self Esteem to their "dream restaurant." Ed introduces a playful challenge: if Rebecca mentions the secret ingredient—a “self-steamed bun”—she would be humorously "kicked out" of the restaurant. This light-hearted setup sets the tone for the evening's relaxed and engaging atmosphere.

James Acaster [04:05]:

"Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Drinking the puddle of conversation, queuing up four individual times for the six-inch subway of humor and never getting ill again."

Banter and Personal Anecdotes

Throughout the episode, Ed and James engage in witty exchanges, sharing personal stories and playful teasing. They discuss everything from failed advertising pitches to past experiences, creating a comfortable space for Rebecca to share her insights.

Ed Gamble [07:01]:

"Do you mind if I sell this off my website?"

Rebecca Lucy Taylor [07:56]:

"Absolutely."

Exploring Rebecca’s Dream Menu

The core of the episode revolves around crafting Rebecca's dream menu, encompassing favorite starters, mains, side dishes, desserts, and drinks. The conversation delves deep into her culinary preferences, interspersed with humor and personal reflections.

Starter:

Rebecca selects an olive tapenade sandwich featuring grilled aubergine, chicken salami, cheese rocket, and pesto from Brigatzis in Sheffield. She shares an emotional connection to this dish, highlighting its significance in her personal life.

Rebecca Lucy Taylor [08:03]:

"It's heaven. It's the best thing in the world, isn't it?"

Main Course:

Her dream main course is a traditional Christmas dinner with turkey, sprouts, leek gratin, gravy, cheesy sauce, tiny sausages, cranberry sauce, and stuffing. Rebecca reminisces about family traditions and the warmth of shared meals.

Ed Gamble [28:35]:

"Race the rudders. Race the sails."

Side Dish:

Rebecca opts for chicken salt fries from Tampa in Sheffield, explaining her fondness for this uniquely seasoned dish.

Rebecca Lucy Taylor [49:06]:

"But I've simply never thought that..."

Dessert:

A nostalgic favorite, Rudyard Kipling Cherry Bakewells microwaved briefly and paired with rich custard, captures Rebecca's sweet tooth and childhood memories.

Ed Gamble [65:05]:

"Put them in the microwave for... under a minute."

Drinks:

Rebecca's drink choices include a Topo Chico sparkling water with ice and lime, a thin-rimmed glass of dry white wine with ample ice, and a full-fat Coca-Cola.

Ed Gamble [72:01]:

"Chips with chicken salt from Tampa in Sheffield."

Personal Stories and Reflections

The dialogue naturally transitions into personal stories, especially revolving around Christmas dinners and family dynamics. Rebecca shares heartfelt moments, such as eating Thanksgiving gratin cold during her teenage years, reflecting on the blend of tradition and personal growth.

Rebecca Lucy Taylor [42:18]:

"That was [cheese gratin] one of the worst things I've ever done."

James and Ed add their own anecdotes, discussing family traditions and humorous mishaps during holiday gatherings.

Interactions with the Audience and Special Moments

The live audience adds an extra layer of energy to the episode. Moments like Rebecca addressing the audience, playful interruptions, and the introduction of special segments (e.g., inviting Kelly to join) enhance the interactive experience.

James Acaster [57:34]:

"Kelly, do you want to come and have a quick chat?"

Closing Remarks

As the episode winds down, James and Ed express their gratitude to Rebecca and the audience. They promote Self Esteem's new album, A Complicated Woman, and tease future live shows at the Royal Albert Hall in March 2026. The hosts also hint at upcoming projects, including "Northern News," a spin-off podcast focusing on bizarre local news from the north of England.

James Acaster [73:21]:

"Fantastic episode. Thank you so much, Rebecca for coming on the podcast."

Notable Quotes

• James Acaster [06:05]:

"The secret ingredient is a self-steamed bun."

• Rebecca Lucy Taylor [14:27]:

"Pussy."

• Ed Gamble [19:35]:

"Have you not noticed your tongue dies as you get older?"

• Rebecca Lucy Taylor [55:00]:

"Laugan Ma Crispy Chili oil is my go-to."

Conclusion

Episode 296 of Off Menu masterfully blends humor, personal storytelling, and culinary exploration. Self Esteem brings a heartfelt perspective to the conversation, sharing intimate details about her life and favorite foods. Ed and James ensure a lively and engaging atmosphere, making this episode a must-listen for fans of both comedy and authentic guest interactions.

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Tune in to Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster for more delectable discussions and outrageous dream menus every week!

Transcript

[James Acaster]

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[Ed Gamble]

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[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

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[James Acaster]

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[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

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[James Acaster]

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[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

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[James Acaster]

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[Ed Gamble]

Sometimes even the most successful people experience Imposter Syndrome. Check out Mind if We Talk? The newest podcast helping you with tough topics. In this episode, licensed therapist He Su.

[James Acaster]

Jo sits down with award winning journalist.

[Ed Gamble]

Jane Marie to explore why so many of us have imposter syndrome and and why success never seems to solve it. Whether you've ever questioned your own success.

[James Acaster]

Or felt like the odd one out, this episode's for you. Listen and subscribe to Mind if We Talk.

[Ed Gamble]

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[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Me.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm Sarah Gibson Tuttle and I started Olive in June because let's be real, we all deserve to have gorgeous nails. But who wants to spend a fortune or half their day at the salon? And that's why I created the Mani system so you can have that salon perfect manicure right at home. And guess What? This is the best part. Each mani only costs $2. Yup, you heard me. $2. No more 30, 40, $50. Salon trips that eat up your day. Now you can paint your nails whenever you want, wherever you want. And trust me, you're gonna be obsessed with your nails and everyone is gonna ask you, where did you get your nails done? And here's a little something extra. Head over to oliveandjune.com and get 20% off your first mani system with code [e-mail] perfectmanny20. That's code perfectmanny20 for 20% off at ol june.com perfectmanny 20. You're all set for a nail glow up. Let's get those nails looking fabulous, shall we?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Surprise, bitches. That's right, we are not stopping releasing these brilliant live episodes from the London Palladium.

[James Acaster]

Yes. And this one was recorded on 22nd March 2025. And our guest for the evening was.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Self esteem Rebecca Lucy Taylor. Rebecca Lucy Taylor, AKA self esteem.

[James Acaster]

Yes. And I just said the evening, but this is not true, actually.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

This was an afternoon.

[James Acaster]

This was a matinee show, which was what a delight.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yes, it truly was.

[James Acaster]

A podcast in the afternoon at the Palladium.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah, straight after lunch.

[James Acaster]

Yes. Now that look, as always, there might be some callbacks to the first half that don't make sense, but it doesn't ruin it. Don't worry, it's going to be a laugh.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Don't worry. We're cheeky boys. We get away with it. Excited, of course, to chat. I mean, you know, we've chatted to her already.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, we've already talked to her, but we're excited to listen back to her.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I was excited and I still am.

[James Acaster]

It was a lovely chat. But as always, the audience helped us source a secret ingredient that if Rebecca said it, she would be kicked out of the dream restaurant, AKA the London Palladium. And this week, the secret ingredient is a self steamed bun.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Now, a dad came up with this dad.

[James Acaster]

We had a few dads come to the live shows, which we can't prevent from happening. We can't stop that. And this particular dad is like self esteemed bun. Like self esteem.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Self esteem.

[James Acaster]

He's trying to say self esteemed. Yeah, he's trying to get a pun going on that. And we all agreed that if it was a steamed bun that Rebecca herself had steamed, then we would count that as a self steamed bun. And. And it's just fun.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

It's the sort of joke that I hate. Unless I've come up with it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I hate it. Even if I've come up with it and then, yeah, it doesn't make me feel good. Didn't make me feel good to hear it when the guy said it. But he'd also said some weird stuff before that.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Anyway, yeah, eating endangered animals.

[James Acaster]

He wanted to eat endangered animals, this man. And have them all in little pies. And eat penguin dicks.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yes, I think we said the penguin dicks, actually.

[James Acaster]

You can't prove it, Ed.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

This is the off menu menu of Self esteem.

[James Acaster]

Rebecca Lucy Taylor. Lucy Taylor, live at the Pallad.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Drinking the puddle of conversation, queuing up four individual times for the six inch subway of humor and never getting ill again.

[James Acaster]

That is a gamble. My name is James Acaster. Together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite in a guest. And having a favourite ever start a main course, dessert side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week our guest is Self esteem.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

The wonderful Rebecca Lucy Taylor is coming onto this stage to give us her dream menu. We know what the secret ingredient is. If she says it, she's out on her ear. James.

[James Acaster]

Out of the London Palladium. Them's the rules.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Is it out of the whole venue? Is it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Out the London Palladium. Move, kick, kick. Rebecca Lucy Taylor out onto the streets.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Okay, that's going to be interesting if that happens. I hope it doesn't happen.

[James Acaster]

I hope it doesn't happen actually, because I think we've talked enough tonight, you and I. I think we'd all like to hear the menu of Rebecca. So should we get on with it?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Let's get on with it. This is the off menu menu of Self esteem. Take a seat, Rebecca. Let's talk. Let's talk through the T shirt first of all, because this is a surprise for us.

[James Acaster]

I haven't seen this.

[Ed Gamble]

It says off men you.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Fantastic.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you mind if I sell this off my website?

[James Acaster]

Please?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Absolutely.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you mind if I give you no money at all? Cause you guys make a lot more than me because.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

No, the set cost us quite a lot of money.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, no, I actually really respect that you've got a set.

[James Acaster]

Thank you.

[Ed Gamble]

Because when I've done live podcasts before, they aren't fucking bothered with shit.

[James Acaster]

Well, we don't have many guests bothered making a T shirt, so. So, you know.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, there we go. So I brought you something though.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Oh, thank you. Is this.

[Ed Gamble]

So I have a song called Big man about men being good. Right? Cause everyone likes to think. I think men are bad. And I don't. Some of them are great. Some of them go to the post office and pick up something that you've ordered. You know what I mean?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

But that's it, is it? That's the.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, this song. So I have a song called Big man that, you know, wasn't a hit.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Quite a lot of caps left over.

[Ed Gamble]

Got a lot of caps left over.

[James Acaster]

Literally.

[Ed Gamble]

I quite literally dusted dust off them. But I brought you the, like, metal, gothy one.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Thank you. Thank you very much.

[Ed Gamble]

And I brought you the sort of, like, children's TV presenter 1.

[James Acaster]

Thank you. I like it. I do like the colors a lot.

[Ed Gamble]

I thought you would.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Thank you very much.

[Ed Gamble]

Me and you have got a similar sort of twee history, I think.

[James Acaster]

Do we?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Twee history?

[Ed Gamble]

I don't know for certain, but I just got a feeling me and you liked the same shit. Maybe that's Bright Eyes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got one Bright Eyes album, but I did listen.

[Ed Gamble]

Did you masturbate a lot to Damien Rice's O like I did?

[James Acaster]

I did listen to Damien Rice. I went to see Damien Rice at the Shepherd's Bush Empire.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

You shouldn't have done that at the Shepherd's Bush Empire, Jones.

[James Acaster]

I've never masturbated.

[Ed Gamble]

No, that tracks. I thought I'm generalizing about you, but I was right.

[James Acaster]

So you were right. You got2. That's two artists that I listened to probably around the same time as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Those albums, so similar age.

[James Acaster]

This is like, the closest I'll come to visiting the fortune teller and actually feeling, wow, all of that.

[Ed Gamble]

Shall I get something else?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you use Aesop products?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, me too.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Do you like to guess some things about me, Rebecca?

[Ed Gamble]

You watch a lot of YouTube.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Bang to, right? You want to guess anything on my algorithm?

[Ed Gamble]

Like conspiracy theories?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

They're not conspiracy theories. They're realities.

[Ed Gamble]

Anyway, hello.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Hello.

[Ed Gamble]

Everyone asked me, when are you doing this podcast? A lot. And I thought I wasn't famous enough. And lo and behold, you were waiting for me to be the main event at the London Palladium on an afternoon.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Damn right.

[James Acaster]

You're way more famous than a lot of people. We've had people like Huge Davis on this.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Poor Huge Davis gets it in the fucking neck every week now. This is the first time we've had an ice bucket on the stage with us.

[Ed Gamble]

No, it's not.

[James Acaster]

It is.

[Ed Gamble]

Susie Verkono must have had one.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

No, I think she drank all her Prosecco before She came on my guy.

[James Acaster]

This is the first. Is it Prosecco?

[Ed Gamble]

It's quite a nice Prosecco. I have been drinking it previous to arriving on the stage.

[James Acaster]

I wondered where you were.

[Ed Gamble]

No, we were watching on the telly. You were doing jokes, Bonito, something.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, thank you. Yeah, we're doing our little jokes. You didn't hear the secret ingredient, did you? I hope you.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I genuinely didn't for that. I genuinely didn't because I had begun drinking the Prosecco. I've had quite a lot of wee wees and I was doing a wee wee. When you decided on what that was.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

How many wee wees would you say, per glass of Prosecco? Does it even out to.

[Ed Gamble]

It becomes like 16, 17 minutes, you.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Know, every 16, 17 minutes, we.

[Ed Gamble]

A lot. Yeah.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah. But that's good, right? Is that healthy?

[Ed Gamble]

I don't know if it is.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

And I barely poo.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Ah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a whole thing. Yeah. Anyway, my menu.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

We've not done the. I mean, the genie needs to make his entrance first of all. Which is good. Which is good because I was about to ask you how often you poo. So, James, if you want to just pop behind the lamp, that would be great. Thank you.

[James Acaster]

You can't. This isn't your YouTube in that way. Type in all the questions that you love here. Find out the answer to how often do women poo?

[Ed Gamble]

Search. Did he go to rada, James?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

No. Fuck, no.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, you.

[James Acaster]

I didn't even go to university, mate. Grew up in Ketman. I did a B tech music course and then that was it. Music.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, music. Look at where it's landed me.

[Ed Gamble]

Look at where it's landed me.

[James Acaster]

Why do you think I went to Erada?

[Ed Gamble]

I didn't think you did. I just wondered if you were a failed actor or not.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Failed actor? You're talking me to with John the Mouse and Lars Penfield.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I'm Lars Penfield, mate. Oh, sorry. Do all failed actors end up in the Ghostbusters universe?

[Ed Gamble]

I knew this would happen between us. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Now, Rebecca, you're very welcome to rub the lamp. Or you can just. Oh, there you go. Or you can imagine rubbing the lamp if you'd rather.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm gonna imagine it.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Okay. Imagine rubbing the lamp. We're imagining rubbing the lamp to the lights, people.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah. You're not making any money on.

[James Acaster]

Welcome Self Esteem to the Dream Restaurant, but it's gonna give us some time.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

There it is.

[James Acaster]

I kept my cap on. I did the jump and the cap stayed on.

[Ed Gamble]

That's gonna sell me four to five of those.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, It's a good quality cap. Good quality merch.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Genie. I wouldn't trust the actual genie wearing a cap, would you? If a genie popped out the lamp and he was wearing a baseball cap?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I wouldn't. I'd think, oh, hipster genie, Fuck off.

[James Acaster]

Feel like he was on his day off or something, wouldn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. B and Q. Yeah, B and Q.

[James Acaster]

Going to B and Q on his own.

[Ed Gamble]

B and Q. What would he get?

[James Acaster]

What would the genie buy in B and Q? I guess a lot of, like, polish for the lamp. He'd want to keep the lamp spick and span.

[Ed Gamble]

Dusters.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you much of a foodie, Rebecca?

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. It's tough, though. Well, look, I'm a millennial woman who grew up with, like, Heat magazine and whatnot, so everything that passes my lips comes with a degree of stress, which is so shit. Not to make this serious, but it genuinely. But I. I'm passionate. It's heaven. It's the best thing in the world, isn't it? And it's really sad for. I'll mention this a lot, women. But, yeah, I get. I'm stressed out by it, but it's. It's heaven. So that's how I feel about food.

[James Acaster]

So what? I mean, staring down like you're at the start of the episode, you gotta go through your dream menu. Is it stressful or heavenly?

[Ed Gamble]

Both. Which is. You know, two things can be true at once, James.

[James Acaster]

Never truer words. Would you like to tell us? Sparkling water.

[Ed Gamble]

Sparkling. Cause I'm not a child.

[James Acaster]

What?

[Ed Gamble]

Nah, it's just exciting, isn't it? Sparkling water. Are you sparkling water?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I like sparkling now and again, but I've never drunk still water and thought. I'm being very childish today.

[Ed Gamble]

Pussy.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

But I've simply never thought that.

[Ed Gamble]

Just straight down the hatch. Yeah, no, it's. It's quite exhilarating when it's really cold. Have you ever had. Has anyone ever had Topo Chico? Fuck me.

[James Acaster]

Chico himself is here.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

It's Chico time.

[Ed Gamble]

It's. That's phenomenal. Like, you know, it's difficult being in the uk, but one of the reasons is they don't have Topo Chico. They have it in America, and that's not worth going for, though.

[James Acaster]

I've never heard of Toppo Chico. Just a really good sparkle.

[Ed Gamble]

Just a really sparkling water. It really, like, assaults your mouth and I really like it.

[James Acaster]

Yes, Intense sparkles.

[Ed Gamble]

You can feel it, feel it. It's a shock. It's unpleasant, but also, like, pleasant. Two things can be true at once.

[James Acaster]

It's like the music that Ed likes.

[Ed Gamble]

System of a Down.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Love System of a Down. Of course I do.

[Ed Gamble]

I didn't realize this about you and we once did a Zoom podcast with, like, cameras off.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

We did.

[Ed Gamble]

And then I found out you were a metalhead. And I was like, I'd have approached that differently had I known.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Had you known that I was a metalhead?

[Ed Gamble]

I don't know. Why?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

What would you have done?

[Ed Gamble]

Just one of the last ones I left in media. In mainstream media. Anyway, whatever. Go on.

[James Acaster]

So how would you have approached it? Are you approaching this podcast differently now that you know Ed is such a metalhead in words?

[Ed Gamble]

I'm catering to it. I gave him the gray black cat.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. So already you're getting off to a different start.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm a Libra. I'm a giver. I'm a empath, you know.

[James Acaster]

That's very nice of you. And do you feel better now, Ed, that you're.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I feel very metal now.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Now I've got my gray cap on.

[James Acaster]

Do you want anything in your sweater or is it just as it is?

[Ed Gamble]

Sparkling ice. Loads of ice. And. And a wedge or two of lime. Thank you very much.

[James Acaster]

Is that your favorite citrus fruit? If you had to rate the citrus fruits.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Number one.

[Ed Gamble]

I keep wanting to ask you if it's yours, and that's probably bad podcast etiquette.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I would put lime pretty high up on mine, I think.

[Ed Gamble]

Good.

[James Acaster]

I think lime is number one.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Lime is. Lime is number one all day long.

[Ed Gamble]

I think so too.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Would I sound like an awful prick if I brought yuzu into the equation?

[Ed Gamble]

You would, yeah. You know, if we carried on guessing things about you, we'd have got there eventually.

[James Acaster]

I don't know. Most metalheads don't like yuzu. They're a very mainstream band.

[Ed Gamble]

They like you before they got. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Trying to put on U2. Really good work. That's good.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Sounds a bit like YouTube as well. We could do something with that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Fucking could have done a call back.

[Ed Gamble]

To him if only the audience weren't here. We could have vamped on YouTube.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Feel free to vamp.

[Ed Gamble]

Just cuz YouTube.

[James Acaster]

And also, I'm happy to make the catchphrase of this episode. If only the audience weren't here. Pop ups or bread pops or bread. Self esteem pops or bread. Made a jump. I did it. I made a jump.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah, she jumped. She knew it was going to happen. She still jumped.

[Ed Gamble]

Horrible papadoms. Obviously, because all. All the bits.

[James Acaster]

You get all the accoutrement.

[Ed Gamble]

All the bits. The best bit of a curry is the onion salad for me. All right.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Someone just went wrong.

[James Acaster]

That's funny, to go wrong.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm cancelled. That's it, it's over.

[James Acaster]

Just say wrong out loud.

[Ed Gamble]

Wrong.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Move on. You're wrong.

[Ed Gamble]

I love an onion salad. Loads. I love an onion. I could eat an onion like an apple. Oh, get a grip.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I respect that. Any sort of onion or is there a specific one?

[James Acaster]

Goddamn fly on the stage.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

There's a fly on the stage. That fly was here last night as well.

[James Acaster]

It was, actually. We don't know.

[Ed Gamble]

Julian Clary left his fly here.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah, his pet fly on the stage.

[Ed Gamble]

The onion and the mango chutney, of course, the nice yog. Yoga yogurt. And then recently, in the last few years, I've developed, you know, a tolerance for the lime pickle, which is.

[James Acaster]

Love it.

[Ed Gamble]

Sick.

[James Acaster]

Love it.

[Ed Gamble]

My best mate is in the house. Kelly Blanchett. Give us a woo. No, no, no. Just Kelly. No.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

There was about five of you. That's. That's.

[Ed Gamble]

I am Spartacus.

[James Acaster]

The bride there is really enjoying doing it every. Every time.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Anyway, well, you. That. She puts lime pickle on beans on toast.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Oh, my God.

[James Acaster]

I bet that's nice.

[Ed Gamble]

So you can beat her up. But no, it's. I find it delicious. The thing is about, like, as you get older, your tongue dies, right?

[James Acaster]

Huh?

[Ed Gamble]

Have you not. Have you not noticed?

[James Acaster]

I didn't know that your tongue dies.

[Ed Gamble]

I think so. Because of all the, you know, the siggies and dicks like you. You taught me.

[James Acaster]

Taking me back to my Damien Rice days.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

The siggies and dicks make your tongue die.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, don't you think? And the booze and the.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So now I need a jalapeno and everything.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You know what I mean, right?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I do, I do, I do.

[Ed Gamble]

Add hot sauce, I'd say.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Because our tongues are dying.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Because we were born in the 80s.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

And the C's. And the dicks.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. And the stickies in the dick.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Where was I?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. So your tongue dies as you get.

[Ed Gamble]

Older, so things like lime pickles start to get really fucking nice.

[James Acaster]

Cause your tongue's dead and it couldn't handle it before, but now it's like.

[Ed Gamble]

And now it's like.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Is your tongue one of the things that keeps growing when you're older as well? You know? Like, is it your ears and your.

[Ed Gamble]

You're asking the wrong person in this room. Is Anyone? A doctor?

[James Acaster]

I don't think it's your tongue.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think you need to ask a doctor.

[James Acaster]

I don't think old people have really long tongues, do they?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

But the ears grow, right?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, your ears and your nose.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I think ears and nose but not your tongue. That would be great.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, your nose grown will be lovely.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah. Once my nose is a grown up size. My ears and my nose are absolutely tiny.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh yeah, your ears as well.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

If I have, if I have any glasses, I'm not going to stay on my face.

[James Acaster]

Hopefully you'll be old enough to, to, you know, you can just keep them in place with your tongue.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Sorry, I've got to read this.

[Ed Gamble]

Really good stuff. You're ever so good you two. You ever so good. Cuz I hate comedians.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Thank you for doing the podcast.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't YouTube at all.

[James Acaster]

What, what comedians do you hate? God, don't list a few. This.

[Ed Gamble]

I've had sex with so many of them.

[James Acaster]

Have you? Well that would lead me to believe you, love.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, no. So what is it next? My starter.

[James Acaster]

I haven't heard much. Would have thought have heard more gossip about that. If you've been sleeping with loads of comedians. Am I not in the cool gossip circles?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

James? Of course we're not in the cool gossip circle.

[James Acaster]

Why don't people tell us when they sleep in pop stars?

[Ed Gamble]

People For a long time a lot of people are invested in my love life and I used. I've had more than one text message saying you should go out with James Acaster.

[James Acaster]

That's actually answer everyone's problems. There's only one of me to go around. Unfortunately I'm spoken for.

[Ed Gamble]

No. And you know, I wasn't thrilled to get the text message but more than once, once at a time in my life people were like, because no one's funny. Do you know what I mean? And then people go, oh, do you know who's funny? And got like, you know, money is breathing.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah, money, money, money, money and his breathing.

[Ed Gamble]

How much this set cost?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I don't know on the screen how much the, the set cost.

[James Acaster]

While we're waiting for that, Mildred's have started doing the lime pickle slaw and I wasn't, you know, I was a big fan of Miljo's and they went chain and it got less good but some of bits are still good. This line pickle slaw they've just introduced is outstanding. Next level. I absolutely love it and I just think I should shout it out while we're talking. About lion pickle. Because. Yeah, they're excited about it.

[Ed Gamble]

I thought about saying a few things I like that about.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Oh, my God, that is 15k.

[James Acaster]

Are you shitting me?

[Ed Gamble]

You fucking shitting?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Get rid of it now. We're not making any money on this shit.

[Ed Gamble]

15K. That's what it's like being a pop star. I'm fine. What were you just saying?

[James Acaster]

Lime pickle, slaw.

[Ed Gamble]

Shouting out stuff you want for free.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I like yard sale pizza.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, loads.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm not gonna. It's not on my menu.

[James Acaster]

No, shout them out. Let's shout the free stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

Mark's and Spencer's. Food haul.

[James Acaster]

Food haul.

[Ed Gamble]

Really good. There's one open near where I'm living. And it's truly become our plans.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Like what we're gonna do today, Go to M and S food hall.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

What's your favorite thing in the M s food hall?

[Ed Gamble]

So the orange cordial. Have you fucked with that?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

No, I've not fucked with the mns orange cordial.

[Ed Gamble]

But it's so bad. I go through it really quickly.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah. How many wee wee?

[Ed Gamble]

So many wee wees.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

So many wee wees.

[Ed Gamble]

So many wee wees every time. And I've got, like. I've got one of them big, you know, flasks to hydrate because I'm always trying to be more healthy than I am. And I fill it with the orange cordials, which is counterintuitive.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I think people have taken hydration too far these days.

[Ed Gamble]

Tell me more because I'm fed up of it.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

It wasn't. It was never, I'd say, last. Last 10 years, like, people are like, you've got to hydrate. You got to have a massive flask with you all the time. If 10 years ago people were drinking less water and they weren't walking around like big crisps or anything, were they?

[Ed Gamble]

My mum's never drunk water and she's still alive, so.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, my girls look awful.

[Ed Gamble]

What age were you?

[James Acaster]

What?

[Ed Gamble]

When they. Did you say your parents divorced?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

No.

[James Acaster]

Oh, I said they look awful. Oh, but you thought I said divorce and you were laughing your head off.

[Ed Gamble]

That would have been. If you just said, my parents are divorced. That would have been funny.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. For no reason. That is funny.

[Ed Gamble]

And they won't let me be on taskmaster for a full season.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, they're not divorced. There's still time. They could get divorced to be funny.

[Ed Gamble]

They. They need to find their truth.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. They've been together for a long time. They got three kids. You know, we've all been moved out the house for ages now and they're still together. So it'd be very funny if they sat us all down and announced they're getting divorced. Yeah, I'd laugh.

[Ed Gamble]

Where are you? Where are you in the three top.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

We're not talking in terms of bank balance.

[James Acaster]

Oldest. Oldest of the three.

[Ed Gamble]

I wouldn't have thought that. Would you?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

You do. You definitely have middle to youngest energy.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Middle.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, if you met us all as well, you would still think that.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You wouldn't go, he's the oldest one. You would be like, oh, that's like the youngest one or the middle one. Or a child from a different marriage who grew up as an only child and doesn't really know those other two.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Or a kid who they exclusively raised in the garden.

[James Acaster]

A garden kid. Now at Verizon, we have some big news for your peace of mind for.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

All our customers, existing and new, we're.

[James Acaster]

Locking in low prices for three years guaranteed on MyPlan and my home. That's future you peace of mind and everyone can save on a brand new phone on MyPlan when you trade in any phone from one of our top brands, that's new phone peace of mind. Because at Verizon, whether you're already a customer or you're just joining us, we got you. Visit Verizon today. Price guarantee applies to then current base monthly rate. Additional terms and conditions apply for all offers.

[Ed Gamble]

Race the rudders. Race the sails.

[James Acaster]

Raise the sails. Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching. Over.

[Ed Gamble]

Roger, Wait.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Is that an enterprise sales solution?

[James Acaster]

Reach sales professionals, not professional sailors. With LinkedIn ads, you can target the right people by industry, job title and more. We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign. Get started today at LinkedIn.com results, terms and conditions apply.

[Ed Gamble]

BetterHelp Online Therapy bought this 30 second ad to remind you right now, wherever you are, to unclench your jaw, relax your shoulders, take a deep breath in.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

And out.

[Ed Gamble]

Feels better, right?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

That's 15 seconds of self care.

[Ed Gamble]

Imagine what you could do with more. Visit betterhelp.com randompodcast for 10% off your first month of therapy. No pressure, just help. But for now, just relax.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Work management platforms.

[James Acaster]

Ugh. Endless onboarding. IT bottlenecks, admin requests. But what if things were different?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Monday.com is different.

[James Acaster]

No lengthy onboarding, beautiful reports in minutes. Custom workflows you can build on your own. Easy to use, prompt, free AI. Huh. Turns out you can love a work management platform. Monday.com the first work platform you'll love to use out here. It's not only the amazing views, but.

[Ed Gamble]

The way time stretches out a little longer and how the breeze hits just right at the summit.

[James Acaster]

With alltrails, you can discover nature's best with over 450,000 trails around the world.

[Ed Gamble]

Download the free app today.

[James Acaster]

Dream Starter.

[Ed Gamble]

Obviously, there's loads of options, but I thought I would tell you about a sandwich from a shop in Sheffield called Brigatzis. Very Sheffield surname. And I thought I'd take this opportunity to tell you about the female. Some women, not all women, but some women have menstrual cycles. Do you know anything about that, James?

[James Acaster]

No, but I'm willing to learn.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, that's what I thought I'd tell you about because you famously, you know, it's when women are like, moody and their tummies hurt, but also what no one talks about is the insatiable hunger. Right? Am I right? Am I right? It's like hell. Because you're also trained to not ever want. You're meant to not eat. You know, the patriarchy's told you you're not meant to really eat anything. And then at the worst time of the month, every month, like, all you can think about is food. And anyway, once upon a time, I was in that part of the month. You've both been really serious about this.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Because very difficult to know what to chip in with. Rebecca, if I'm honest.

[James Acaster]

I don't know how it would come across if throughout that I was going.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Whoa.

[James Acaster]

That'S fine.

[Ed Gamble]

This is the problem, being sat here.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Going, this is fucking disgusting.

[James Acaster]

Gross.

[Ed Gamble]

Now you're really. I feel like I'm going to be a real edge lord here. I'm going to really. I'm going to spice things up. And you've both been dead respectful and nice and listened. But anyway, I was in the studio because I'm a musician, don't know if you know about all that.

[James Acaster]

Big time.

[Ed Gamble]

And I was very hungry because I was very much day 28 of my cycle.

[James Acaster]

And Is that what the zombie film is about? Is that what the zombie film is about? The zombie film 28 Days Later.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, I didn't even get that. Yeah, I thought I was like, what, the substance? No, but if, you know, if someone wants to give me a load of money to make that movie, I will. 28 days due on Truly as Hell. Anyway, I was in the studio in Sheffield. Tesla Studios. Shout out David Glover, my good friend. Oh, really? Do you actually know him? What a prick. He went to Bragazzi as A bit of walk. Because I was in such a foul mood, I didn't go. And he came and I. And when you go to an Italian sandwich shop and they say what you want, right? You're like, oh, that sexy bread. And then pesto, chicken, tomato, basil done. Right. I assume, like, I'm quite basic. And that's what I was expecting him to bring back. And he. He got back and said. I just said, whatever you think, mate, to the man behind the counter. And I was like, I do love Derek Glover with all my heart. Like, he's family to me. But I was like, you, how dare you do this to me today? But it was a sandwich, I think it was in olive tapenade. Tapenade. Aubergine. Like a grilled to aubergine slop chicken, some sort of salami, cheese rocket, pesto on the top, bit of the bread.

[James Acaster]

Nice.

[Ed Gamble]

And I took a bite. And I'm not ashamed to say I shed tears. And I shed tears because I. This is not even. I'm not even trying to be funny. I was like, oh, like you're alive and isn't being alive nice? And part of being alive is that you get to eat this. And, oh, I felt like mad connection to, like, the earth during it. Is it all right to have a sandwich as Ms. Sarto?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Hell yeah. Especially when it made you shed a tear.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I genuinely cried. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And I don't think we've actually had. We've done a lot of episodes of this podcast. I don't think we've had someone say about eating something and between, like, oh, I'm alive and that means. And. But I've had those moments.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Oh, God, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Well, I've been eating something and you do think weirdly about your own mortality all of a sudden, because this is so good that you feel lucky to be alive and it's good to stop and appreciate those goosebumps.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I. I regularly when I eat something that I've not eaten before, I get full goosebumps all over my body. First meal I had in a restaurant after Covid went to the Quality Chop House and had sit outside and there was like a truck and a digger nearby working on the road, the horrible setting. And they brought out a steak and I took a bite of the steak and I was like, oh, my fucking God. It's just the best moment of my life. I'm alive.

[Ed Gamble]

What star sign are you?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I think you should guess.

[James Acaster]

What are you picking up from him that made you ask that question?

[Ed Gamble]

I just suddenly realized I wanted to know.

[James Acaster]

Okay, so you just weren't listening to me. There we go. What star sign is actually star sign this?

[Ed Gamble]

You're talking bollocks. What's star sign? Virgo.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

No, not Virgo.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm out.

[James Acaster]

Why did you guess? Why did you guess Virgo?

[Ed Gamble]

Because it's rocking.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah. Cause it's rockin's the bull. Is it the bull? No, it's Taurus.

[Ed Gamble]

No, Taurus.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

No, I'm not a tourist. I'm Pisces, the big wet fish.

[Ed Gamble]

Whoa.

[James Acaster]

Uh oh.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

What does that mean?

[Ed Gamble]

It just means you're going to be a vital part of the rest of my life.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Oh, excellent. Great news.

[Ed Gamble]

My mum, my dad, my brother, my ex girlfriend, my ex boyfriend, my producer, all Pisces all ruined my life. So welcome friend. What are you gonna do? What are you, huh? What are you?

[James Acaster]

I don't have a birthday.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I believe it. I believe it.

[James Acaster]

Little garden boy grew over a period of time on a tree and then dropped off. There's no specific date that marks when I was born.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

He puts one pebble in a pile every year.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm going to pour more Prosecco.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

You must. Yeah, go for it.

[James Acaster]

The flies back.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't clap that.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah, always gonna. Yeah, it was always gonna happen. You've been far too gung ho with that microphone. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Sorry, Charlie.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

The first two. The first two shows of this run James game was kneeing the microphone into the air and seeing if he could catch it. So he's already smashed the fuck out of that microphone. Microphone.

[James Acaster]

How much do microphones cost? Benito? Can you put it on the screen?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

It's about 15K, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Welcome to being a pop star.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

What's was it like? Focaccia bread, this sandwich?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but thin.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah, so it's mainly thin.

[Ed Gamble]

Like it's sort of like slightly thicker than an iPhone size, sort of. Do you know what I mean? You know the one which.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Which generation? IPhone.

[James Acaster]

Current.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Current.

[Ed Gamble]

Nice. Okay, you've got the new one because.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I don't have the new one.

[Ed Gamble]

You like tech?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I don't have the new one. I watched all my videos on my laptop. I'm always blown away by people who watch YouTube on their phones. They're not picking up on any of the details of the QAnon.

[James Acaster]

Your dream main course. I'm gonna get it away from Ed's opinions. Your dream main course.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, after much deliberation, Christmas dinner, someone over there wanted anyone else said that.

[James Acaster]

That guy, he stood up in the first half.

[Ed Gamble]

What did Stephen Graham say?

[James Acaster]

Stephen? I Wasn't listening. Look at Fink was. I'm pummeling.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

How is this still your attitude, James?

[James Acaster]

That if I ever see that guy again, he's dead.

[Ed Gamble]

So. Because I'm like really anti men and. And their aggression. When I listened to that podcast. Yeah. I got really turned on.

[James Acaster]

You weren't the only one. And some of us were in the room.

[Ed Gamble]

He's so fit. I can't believe you met him. Pocket rocket Man. Like, fuck me sexy.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I do.

[James Acaster]

Like.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

He came on to talk a little bit about his current Netflix show, which is all about the problem of male violence. And James went in going, I'm gonna.

[James Acaster]

Beat the fuck out of him.

[Ed Gamble]

It was perfect. Really good podcasting. When they tell me, you know, not to tug my tail, but everyone's always like, you should do a podcast.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And I say, until it's as good as Stephen Graham on off menu, I'm not gonna do one.

[James Acaster]

You could get Stephen Graham. You could do a podcast with Steven Graham. The two of you, do you think? I reckon.

[Ed Gamble]

How much did it cost to get him on it?

[James Acaster]

But if I put it on the screen, Get Stephen Graham on the podcast.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Christmas Dinner.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, of course. Right.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I mean, it's a fantastic choice. We have had. Richard Osmond chose Christmas dinner. I believe.

[Ed Gamble]

He's my celebrity friend.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Is he?

[Ed Gamble]

He's one of the people who suggested. Suggested I should go out with him.

[James Acaster]

Didn't know he had said that. Not as smart as he seems, is he?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

He's good at formats, you know.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But he's a smart man. Genuinely. This is genuinely the truth. He's who I ask for help in your love life.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Adults.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no. Adult things. Well, yeah, but just, you know, like tax and stuff. He's a really lovely man and he's.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Been messaged in the middle of the night. Jesus Christ.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Self esteem master.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm like, can I ask some? Oh, God. But then it's always nice to give men an opportunity to tell women things, isn't it? You know what I mean?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

We're not allowed to these days.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I know it. But that's what I mean when I say ask for help. I know it's a gift.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Richard Osmond, Josie Long, Reese Shearsmith and Nick Mohammed have all asked for Christmas dinners.

[Ed Gamble]

Josie Long as well.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

You know when you're watching the. My current male lover is a actor and we watch the telly and he goes, ah, Stephen, like. Or ah, Mark.

[James Acaster]

Because he knows them.

[Ed Gamble]

Because he knows them. And I go, oh, Mark. And then really emasculate him every time. And I just did that then with Josie Long. Josie, my friend, who I was once at a festival once with.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

We're gonna need to talk through it, though, because this Christmas dinner, of course, I think, is gonna be very different to the rest of the Christmas dinners that we would have suggested, because everyone's got their own version of. Everyone's got their own version of Christmas dinner.

[James Acaster]

Right.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

They've all got their little twists.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Well, I think Janet and Andy, my parents. I've had Christmas Day there every single year. I've never gone anywhere else.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Ed Gamble]

Still, which is now, like, I can't do anything else. If I did, it would be enormous.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

What would it take for you to have Christmas dinner somewhere else? What if your current male lover.

[Ed Gamble]

Nah, man, fuck him. I've gotta go. Anston. I'm from a place called Anston in Rotherham.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Rare to get. No. Whoops. I'll be honest with you, more people.

[James Acaster]

Know your producer.

[Ed Gamble]

But no, I. We just have, you know, turkey. Every single year, it's M s turkey. My mum goes, oh, it's quite moist this year. My mum thinks it's the turkey's fault whether or not it's moist.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And then we have sprouts.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

How are they being. How are they being prepared?

[Ed Gamble]

Just for boiled?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Boil the fuck out of them fuckers. And then obviously, I have to gobble like 15 Wendy's, but there's no problem. 15 windy's Wendy's. Like a Rennie you're not familiar with? Yeah, Better than a Rennie, though. Straight to the heart of the issue.

[James Acaster]

Oh, wow.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I thought, genuinely, that Wendy's are what you call Brussels sprouts. I thought you were saying you have 15 windy Brussels sprouts.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I have about seven sprouts and 15 Wendy's.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

15 Wendy's.

[Ed Gamble]

What's the total bonito? And then, long story long, my mum and dad, well, I had a nan and granddad who were the best, like, ever, kind of, you know, spent loads of time with him. My nan was amazing at cooking and baking and every Christmas, and it's only at Christmas would we have this thing that my family called gratin. I think they meant gratin. And it was this sort of legend. You couldn't wait, like, you literally couldn't wait for this gratin. And as I got into my teens and stuff, and my, like, late teens and twenties, we'd go and get really horribly pissed up on Christmas Eve at a pub called the Leeds Arms. And that was. We were nowhere near Leeds but you'd go and I don't know if anyone relates but like you've left school but you go in and it's with everyone from school and you want to look fit, you know, and impressive. And it was, you know, high octane night. Do you know what I mean? Do you not go to the pub with your schoolmates?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

No, I used to do that Christmas Eve. 100% used to do that. Went through a period of about five years of doing that. Get back about one in the morning on Christmas Day and eat half the food for the fridge. That was.

[Ed Gamble]

This is where I'm going with this story because I would eat the gratin cold, pre oven.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Respect cold gratin.

[Ed Gamble]

And the thing is, like, I think. I don't know what you think but like, I think I seem quite like hedonistic and like I do what I want but I. I'm very well behaved and that was one of the worst things I've ever done, did that.

[James Acaster]

Oh, so you've only done it once and they woke up in the morning, were like.

[Ed Gamble]

It's just like sheer disappointment. Anyway, Anyway. Anyway.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

What's in the grass?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, this is the thing.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I thought it was mystical. Very important thing. It's just like cheesy leeks.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

That's good though.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. With like bread crumbs on top.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Is it like a cheesy sauce? Like a white sauce?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

And you're eating that cold and I did, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Pre cooked. That's how pissed I was. All right.

[James Acaster]

Earlier, Ed showed full respect to a man in the audience who drinks the water from mozzarella pouches. So he can't look down on you for this.

[Ed Gamble]

He's got to look at this, does he? I was listening.

[James Acaster]

He's a bad man.

[Ed Gamble]

Is he alright?

[James Acaster]

He wanted to eat endangered animals as well and he causes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, all right. Nothing.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Would you not drink the mozzarella water?

[Ed Gamble]

I haven't yet, but. But if I was, you know, if you're hammered and it was Christmas, is it another pandemic? Yeah, might think about it.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

God, it's good to think, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

My fingers crossed there'll be another pandemic and then you can.

[Ed Gamble]

I fucking loved it. It was so good. I talked to a comedian for the whole of the pandemic. Did you like sexy, like all day, every day, propping the phone up, showering. I was with my mum and dad at my mum and dad's as well. Yeah, he was my world.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

You can't keep dangling these things in front of us. And then not giving a name.

[Ed Gamble]

Lockdown, lifting. Did. And he was like, no, I don't want to meet fullness. That's all right. I'm fine.

[James Acaster]

Legend. That's the way we're doing in this industry.

[Ed Gamble]

It literally is. You're all so weird.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Shout out Hugh Dennis.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm racking my brains for someone funnier to say Gino decampo.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

No, no, not Gino De Campo.

[Ed Gamble]

Wait, who's the fella on five Live?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Adrian Charles.

[Ed Gamble]

Adrian Charles is who I'm thinking of. Do you want to know something funny, though? Today I have a new song. I have a song on my album called 69. I don't know if you're familiar with that.

[James Acaster]

I've heard that.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Where I list sex positions and I sort of rate them and I say whether or not I want them. And in the second verse, I say, if you beg, I will peg. Right. Only I don't love pegging. It just is a good rhyme.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

But I woke up today, did the usual, you know, ignore my current male lover, go on my phone. Eamonn Holmes has liked your reel. And I go, which reel?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Clickety click. It's the reel I put out about three weeks ago where I say, if you beg, I will peg.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Eamon Holmes, you dirty birdie.

[Ed Gamble]

Pay my mortgage. It's not. I love that. Anyway, I guess I have to ask.

[James Acaster]

I have to ask. Your dream side dish. Now.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

There'S more. I mean, look, we've not talked about roast potatoes.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, I'm not a big potato head, okay? But I am going to contradict myself with my side. But I'm not the biggest potato head in the world. For me, it's gravy. The cheesy sauce, those tiny little, little, tiny little sausages.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

This is all on the Christmas dinner.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

The tiny little sausages.

[Ed Gamble]

The turkey. But the turkey. Stephen Graham. The turkey with the cranberry sauce. My mum and dad always get, like. They call it stuffing, but it's like pork. It's like sausage meat.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Is that right?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, but that's the best sort of. I don't like the herby kind of. But when it is just sausage meat, great.

[Ed Gamble]

I just love it. And over the years, it's just become me, Janet and Andy at the table, and we spend, you know, plenty of time together as it is, and then we just sit together again and eat this horribly huge meal and I immediately fall asleep. Andy does the washing up and it's. It's lovely, you know, she said, you.

[James Acaster]

Wouldn't have guessed that I was the oldest of the three. Are you an only child?

[Ed Gamble]

No, I've got an older brother, but, yeah.

[James Acaster]

You've got an older brother.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Ah, I wouldn't have thought you were the youngest.

[Ed Gamble]

We can talk about it off stage. Yeah, if you want.

[James Acaster]

Save all our conversations for after the podcast.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Is this. Is it the Christmas dinner your dream menu? Because of how amazing the Christmas dinner is or the fact that you have it with Janet and Andy every year and what it represents?

[Ed Gamble]

Two things can be true at once. That's true. It is.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Because you made the turkey sound absolutely disgusting. If you.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, it's always fine. That's the thing. Me mum will be like, oh, it's not good. And I'm like, turkey is just a vehicle for the gravy. And somewhere else.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Is there a mum in history, though, who's ever put a Christmas dinner down and gone? It's fucking brilliant this year.

[Ed Gamble]

No, but, you know, when I think about having children, that's the kind of mum I'll be. Yeah. Race the rudders. Race the sails.

[James Acaster]

Race the sails. Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching. Over.

[Ed Gamble]

Roger, wait, is that an enterprise sales solution?

[James Acaster]

Reach sales professionals, not professional sailors. With LinkedIn ads, you can target the right people by industry, job title and more. We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign. Get started today at LinkedIn.com results, terms and conditions apply.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

You know that feeling when you clear.

[Ed Gamble]

Your inbox or end a meeting early or finally check your pipeline and everything's actually under control? That's what Monday CRM feels like. It's fast, easy to use, and with built in AI, it helps you move faster without the busy work. Try it [e-mail] CRM because sales should feel this good.

[James Acaster]

So dream side dish for the. Because it's quite hard doing dream side dish for a Christmas dinner. There's so much in there.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, what I don't get about off menu is, do you have to, you know, does it all have to make sense?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

No, not at all.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. So I would get these chips, right?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

From this place called Tampa in Sheffield. Yes, yes. And it was the first place, you know, exposed brickwork, flat whites, like. It was the first hipster place that came to us. And recently I went there and had these fries that were just groundbreaking. And then the lovely waitress came over and I was like, what is on them? And she said, chicken salt. Oh, yes. So the. The chicken salt fries from Tampa. Sheffield is what I would have as my Side dish.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

What is chicken salt? Because you hear about it a lot and you taste it and you think that salt tastes like chicken.

[Ed Gamble]

I think it must be. You know, when you get a pedicure, I think they give chickens pedicures on the. On the chicken chips.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

It's grated chicken feet.

[Ed Gamble]

Delicious.

[James Acaster]

I know, yeah. It's not putting me off.

[Ed Gamble]

I put a chip in and I'm like, you know, you, like, suck off the chip and then let the chip go in.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

If it's got. Yeah. You know what? You know what I mean? Well and truly you're from Northampton.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Northampton, please.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Is that a Northampton and Sheffield thing, sucking a chip off?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. We have a competition every year, Northampton versus Sheffield. We suck it off chips.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, how do you think I met my best friend who has the lime pickle and her beans on toast? She's from Corby.

[James Acaster]

Whoa. Corby is the. They are the rivals of ket, that is. They're here, are they?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, she's here. Yeah. I kept her, apart from you in my dressing room cuz I was worried about the tension.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, there'd be a lot of tension. There's tension now. I'm now on high alert.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, she's in the room.

[James Acaster]

Didn't know there was a Corbarian in the room. Disgusting.

[Ed Gamble]

Kelly, do you want to shout an insult to James Acaster?

[James Acaster]

Sheep shagger. They do call us that. Really? Corby. Corby. People call Kevin people sheep shack.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

But isn't that the. Isn't that the normal sort of like, thing people say about Welsh, About Welsh people?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. But somehow, my fellow sheep shaggers, see you later on. We can't. We won't find many around London, but I'll sort out a mini bus for us all. We can go.

[Ed Gamble]

He'S got money, he can put a bus.

[James Acaster]

I've got money, I can get a bus together for me and my fellow sheep shaggers.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

So why are people from catering sheep shaggers in the island?

[James Acaster]

I still don't understand.

[Ed Gamble]

Maybe Kelly knows what makes him a sheep shagger. I think they just got more grass than us. They got more grass than us.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, we do have more grass. Yeah. We're surrounded by fields.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's the thing. That's why there's so many privileged musicians, because they just had more opportunity.

[James Acaster]

That's what it is. So we got more opportunities and then that's why we can shag more sheep. That would suggest that if the people of Corby had more opportunity, they would.

[Ed Gamble]

Be shagging more sheep. If I had more opportunity, I'd have been Mumford and Sons. You know what I mean?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I went to school with them.

[Ed Gamble]

Same year.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

No, they were below me.

[Ed Gamble]

Really?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah, yeah. Two of them. Two of them.

[Ed Gamble]

There's so much to talk about when.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

We'Re not on their new song.

[James Acaster]

Why are we. Why are we saying constantly? We have so much to talk about when we're not in front of you guys, and you won't hear any of it.

[Ed Gamble]

How do you do a live podcast? You constantly say. I'm gonna say constantly.

[James Acaster]

I'm saying stuff, hoping that everyone just keeps it among themselves, you know, I didn't know Mumford and Sons shagged sheep.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Their new song is called Rushmere, which is the name of the pond which is opposite the school we went to. And they called it Rushmere because they were like. That's where. Because everyone used to hang out around the pond. And that's where they met and were chatting about forming a band, and that took them on this wonderful journey through music. And Rushmere, to me, is where I tried poppers for the first time.

[James Acaster]

These chips sound incredible.

[Ed Gamble]

They were, they were. And they came to me in the time I needed them most.

[James Acaster]

Is that something you're gonna tell us after the podcast?

[Ed Gamble]

I was just hungover.

[James Acaster]

Did they come with a dip or anything?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, this is the thing. I'm a condiment head, right. Ketchup, Mustard. Mustard before mayo.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Mustard before mayo. I completely agree with you.

[Ed Gamble]

And when you get, you know, I do. I. I don't. You know, the money I don't make in the music industry, I don't know if I mentioned it, I spend on things like Deliveroo burgers, like 40 quid. I'll just spunk on a burger and chips at 9:35 on a Wednesday. And when they come with the old, you know, Marlow's burger sauce stuff, I love all that.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah, I completely agree. I mean, my fridge is like half.

[Ed Gamble]

Is it. What's your favorite?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I've got a lot of hot sauces in there at the moment, but condiment wise, I've got to say that Laugan Ma Crispy Chili oil is my go to.

[Ed Gamble]

Hang on. Is that Kelly? Is that what you gave me? It's amazing.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

It's so good.

[Ed Gamble]

It's incredible. But what is it?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

It's. Well, it's just got like, the loads of chilies in it. Some of them you can get peanuts in it. It's like Szechuan peppercorns as well, I think. And I can honestly, and I have done before, stand up in the kitchen and eat from that jar like it's a big yog.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, Kelly got me as a present once and we recently cracked in and it was quite stressful, actually. Me and my current male lover were like, we've got to go steady with this.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

It's full on, like. And you can put it on anything.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, my God. Ugh. This is good podcasting.

[James Acaster]

Ice cream. You put it on ice cream.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

You could put it on ice cream. 100%.

[Ed Gamble]

What's your favorite condiment?

[James Acaster]

I mean, genuinely, I think lime pickle is up there at the minute. But the one that I've got the most of in the house because of all the takeaways is I order a lot of sushi on Deliveroo.

[Ed Gamble]

Somebody's doing well.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I'm doing really well.

[Ed Gamble]

And genuinely, it's really inspiring. I might become a comedian because it looks easy.

[James Acaster]

It's pretty easy.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Very few overheads. Normally. Albanita.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. When we're not. For no reason. Massive clouds in the poppadom. That's a poppadom. No one that even recognizes that.

[Ed Gamble]

What? Those daisies, that massive thing there.

[James Acaster]

People think it's the sun. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

What are the daisies, though?

[James Acaster]

They're daisies.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I don't think they are daisies, mate.

[James Acaster]

Honeycomb.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Oh, what, the lights? Yeah, they're just lights.

[Ed Gamble]

I think, for what it's worth, I have more respect for you than I expected to have.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Oh, lovely.

[Ed Gamble]

Because of the set.

[James Acaster]

For what it's worth, I have the same amount I anticipated for you.

[Ed Gamble]

Loads based in fear.

[James Acaster]

Huge amount.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Loads and loads faced in fear.

[Ed Gamble]

If you didn't, you'd seem sexist.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

James, we've interviewed a few people. Do we think it's a good sign when they curl up into the fetal position?

[James Acaster]

Only if they're pissed.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm not pissed yet.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm like a massive, thick blooded horse. It takes me ages. It's very expensive, honestly. All drugs, all alcohol, even like, Nurofen. I have to have six.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Surely if you're a horse, though, the ketamine gets into your system.

[Ed Gamble]

I only did ketamine once and it made me very hungry, which I thought again, back to, you know, I thought, I don't need that.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah, that again, thank you, Heat magazine.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I think it's a good sign that we've got comfy chairs, that you feel you can sit like that, that we've provided you with a nice comfort.

[Ed Gamble]

I Think you're overanalyzing it. I need a piss really bad.

[James Acaster]

Of course. Every 16 minutes. Do you want to go in ages? If you like.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

We'll film. Yeah, don't worry. I don't want you being uncomfortable.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Go for it.

[James Acaster]

Kelly, do you want to come up and sit here?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Kelly, do you want to come and have a quick chat?

[James Acaster]

Kelly, Just. Just. If you could fill in, please.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

There we go. Welcome, Kelly.

[James Acaster]

Hello, Kelly. Kelly's here, everybody.

[Ed Gamble]

Hello.

[James Acaster]

Kelly's in the dream. Thank you for coming.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Lovely to meet you. Kelly. Take a seat. Grab the microphone.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Welcome to the off menu podcast.

[James Acaster]

Kelly, you have a fish tattoo. This is a food podcast. Of course. It's exciting to see an item of food on your red already. Are you a fish fan or what is the tattoo?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Oh, can I guess your star sign?

[Ed Gamble]

I'd love you to Pisces. No, it's an anchovy.

[James Acaster]

It's an anchovy.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, that's what the tattooist said.

[James Acaster]

Great.

[Ed Gamble]

I just chose it from a wall.

[James Acaster]

Cause it looked cool. Not cause you're a fish fan.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but I tell people I'm a fish fan.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, you got to. Right? You gotta go. I love fish. It's not just cause a tattooist tricked me.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I told a guy that it was an anchovy and he said to me anchovies didn't exist.

[James Acaster]

What? A man in a.

[Ed Gamble]

He was a chef.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Stay in the loofah.

[James Acaster]

Told you that.

[Ed Gamble]

He said it was just a cut of another fish.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

That is absolute horseshit. It can't be true.

[James Acaster]

You get them whole. It can't be. It can't be that other fish have a full fish coming off of them.

[Ed Gamble]

I won't tell you what restaurant he works for.

[James Acaster]

You should tell us.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

You should definitely tell us.

[James Acaster]

It's a gas lighting bath.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm too scared.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

You should tell us. I want to speak to this guy. I want to speak to this guy.

[Ed Gamble]

I can tell you after the podcast. Oh.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely fantastic. Kelly, everybody. Thank you. Kelly nailed it. Kelly of a natural.

[Ed Gamble]

She's funnier than me.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

She's great.

[James Acaster]

She looks wonderful.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good.

[James Acaster]

Now seems like an appropriate time to ask Dream drink. Just could you come back?

[Ed Gamble]

I love more. No. Well, okay. So not alcoholic.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

A full fat Coca Cola. Do you know what I mean?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Fully hits the spot. This is just like the best thing ever. The best joke on Peep's show is when Jeremy orders a 50 pound bottle of wine and it's like, fuck. And then he sips it and goes, yeah, it's nice. I mean, it's. It's not Coca Cola, but that's exactly how I feel. It's just delicious. Right.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I'm not a fan of the full fat Coca Cola.

[Ed Gamble]

Fuck off.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

To me, if it's from a can, it always tastes like the metal of the can. And I don't know why.

[Ed Gamble]

Get a grip.

[James Acaster]

But you love metal.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I do love metal. But also I think it's because I'm type 1 diabetic and full fat Coca Cola is essentially like holding a grenade.

[James Acaster]

You got diabetes?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I keep. I keep it under my hat a.

[James Acaster]

Lot, trying to think. We had a guest who also quoted that part of Peep show, which I. I'm always glad when people do, because it really sticks in my head as well. It's a lovely. And I even think. I'm not sure about if I've got this right, that that episode is set in Kettering as well. There's an episode of Peepshow where they go to Ketryn. And we were all very excited in Ketryn that there was an episode set in Ketryn. And the kind of butt of the joke, the whole series, the whole episode, the joke was, Mark fucks a sheep. Yeah, Bear in Ketrin. And it's rubbish. But yeah, someone. I really want to remember who else said it, because a guest come on and referenced it and maybe. What are you paying the Benito? Put on the screen. What other guest referenced that line in Peep Show?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

He's not going to know. He's going to be back there looking at his spreadsheet. His. His fucking head's gonna be popping off.

[Ed Gamble]

He's gonna be a comedian. I fucked. And we watched it at the same time.

[James Acaster]

It says, I don't know that obviously on the screen. Phil Dunster said it. Oh, there you go. We got someone who properly remembers it. Phil Dunster from Ted Lasso.

[Ed Gamble]

I haven't checked him.

[James Acaster]

You know Ted Lasso?

[Ed Gamble]

No, but, you know, I auditioned for it. I got quite close to a part and I was like, here we go. I'm an actress and I didn't get it.

[James Acaster]

That's exciting. What. What part was it?

[Ed Gamble]

Some lesbian in the second season.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I don't remember what character that would be.

[Ed Gamble]

Probably went to Anne Marie. She. She gets everything.

[James Acaster]

I don't get you having it in the can and it tastes like metal. Or are you gonna have it in the glass bottle?

[Ed Gamble]

Can, can, can, can, can, Can.

[James Acaster]

All the time.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Ice cold.

[Ed Gamble]

Ice cold can. Beautiful. And then alcohol. I like a thin rimmed glass of dry white wine with at least four ice cubes in it. Because I'm a heathen. The girlies know.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

And you can't tar all girlies with that brush. You're an absolute heathen.

[Ed Gamble]

You fucking can. And we all need our phones taken off us when we've heard three of them. I call it Mad Juice. Yeah, let's go mad. Let's get wild.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

See, this is good. This is a good opportunity for you, I think, to launch a. Launch your own wine called Mad Juice.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, fucking hell. I'd love to. There's a song on my new album, though, where I talk about my sort of love hate relationship with alcohol. She laughed. So I think all the. All the alcohol sponsorships are going to stop after my album comes out.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Some of the really irresponsible companies might get on board.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, genuinely, I was like this. They're always like, drink aware. And I'm like, well, I've literally written a song saying, just don't drink too much, eh?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Be like the Barbie movie. They basically slagged off Barbie in it and celebrated it at the same time. Mattel absolutely loved that you could do that with alcohol.

[Ed Gamble]

I'd love the Barbie movie. Money.

[James Acaster]

You are obsessed with money.

[Ed Gamble]

You would be too if your parents weren't rich.

[James Acaster]

They're not. I am.

[Ed Gamble]

You did it, baby.

[James Acaster]

My parents are old and penniless and.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

You'Ve already said they look horrible, so.

[James Acaster]

They look like shit. I didn't even go to university.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Do you want to guess where I went to university?

[Ed Gamble]

Loughborough.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Do I look like I did sports? Science.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you actually want me to guess?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Nah. Durham.

[Ed Gamble]

Bath.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

What did you do?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Philosophy Bath. That's what I shouted when I picked up my degree.

[Ed Gamble]

Bath. Buff. What'd you get? Two. One, two, one.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Biff.

[Ed Gamble]

Fucking hell. My ex is doing a philosophy PhD. It's taken her ages.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

It would take ages. The BA's, the classic. Three years and I really didn't read any of the stuff I was supposed to.

[Ed Gamble]

Who was your favorite? Oh.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Who'S my favorite philosopher?

[James Acaster]

I don't know this about you. This is exciting. I don't know who your favorite philosopher.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

My favorite modern philosopher is Chris Martin from Coldplay.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm mine.

[James Acaster]

We arrive at your dream dessert.

[Ed Gamble]

All right.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Kierkegaard. Just want everyone to know I do.

[Ed Gamble]

Know some philosophers she loves. It's good.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Who's that?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Danish.

[Ed Gamble]

It's stoic. Is he a stoic?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I can't remember that. A lot of good religious stuff. Anyway.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Love that dream dessert.

[Ed Gamble]

Now, it's very specific. It's very pacific. Are you familiar with the works of Mr. Rudyard Kipling?

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Hang on.

[James Acaster]

Oh, let's see.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Okay, please carry on.

[James Acaster]

Rebecca.

[Ed Gamble]

He does this thing called a cherry bakewell.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

And they come in sixes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And you'd think I would have four of them, but I have six of them in a bowl. Decant them from their little silver coats.

[James Acaster]

This is good. This is good.

[Ed Gamble]

Put them in the microwave for. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

No one was expecting that.

[Ed Gamble]

I was gonna say 80 seconds, but what I meant was under a minute. Yeah.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Both things can be true.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Philosophy.

[Ed Gamble]

So, like, 40 seconds. You're very nimble.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, not nimble enough to get this goddamn flag.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

The guy grew up in the garden. He had to be nimble.

[James Acaster]

Especially during the winter.

[Ed Gamble]

When the robins.

[James Acaster]

Were out burying all my food.

[Ed Gamble]

Anyway, you put them in the microwave briefly. Custard on the hob, though. In a pan. Ideally, these days, since, you know, six music played me loads. I get the vanilla podest with black bits in custard. With black bits in almost all of the pot of custard. And that's my favorite dessert.

[James Acaster]

Great. How do you.

[Ed Gamble]

What's wrong with. What's wrong with that?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

No, that is delicious. I was. I was going to really back you on that, actually. I think that is fantastic. Is it custard from a particular place?

[Ed Gamble]

Just. Yeah, I like Tesco or Sainsbury's finest. A good like 4 pound 50. Do you know what I mean?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah. Nice proper custard.

[James Acaster]

And how did you. Because this sounds like a dessert you invented.

[Ed Gamble]

No, it's genuinely from childhood. Like my mum and dad would do. We'd have Sunday. We would have Sunday dinner, and then it would be like a dessert in a silver jacket, you know, it was different types of dessert.

[James Acaster]

Always by Mr. Rudyard Kipling.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, every time.

[James Acaster]

So always be a Rudyard Kipling.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, why would you. How would you deviate from perfection?

[James Acaster]

Well, exactly.

[Ed Gamble]

Tell me a Rudyard Kipling dessert you wouldn't eat. You can't.

[James Acaster]

Benito, can you put the full catalog of Rudyard Kipling desserts on the screen, please? No, I can't. I can't tell you.

[Ed Gamble]

Can you?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

No, I don't. I mean, Rudyard Kipling means a lot to me. When me and my wife first met, we like hanging out for a long time. We just used to sit in the house and rot and just eat loads of mini Battenbergs and just. This is mad like watching her eat mini Battenberg. She just peel the icing and the marzipan off, eat that first and then eat the cake just straight in like a. Like a beaver chewing a log.

[Ed Gamble]

I can see why you married her.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah, but one day I'm gonna marry that marzipan beaver.

[Ed Gamble]

How long you been married?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Since 2021.

[James Acaster]

But they've been together for like loads. 30 years.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, you're one of them, are you?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah. Big wife guy.

[Ed Gamble]

Wife guy, yeah. Love that. Anything to add?

[James Acaster]

I think it's a nice relationship.

[Ed Gamble]

Can you remember when Kelly came up?

[James Acaster]

You weren't here for that. Did you hear what we were talking to Kelly about?

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[James Acaster]

Can you guess?

[Ed Gamble]

It was probably Corby related.

[James Acaster]

She listed all the comedians you've shot.

[Ed Gamble]

She knows them all. Yeah, the audience keeper of my secrets.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah. What will you do with the silver little jackets afterwards, by the way? Are you rolling them up?

[Ed Gamble]

So genuinely I would make. Because from childhood I was a big Barbie head. My current male lover is really good looking and tall, has like nine abs.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Fantastic.

[Ed Gamble]

And I call him.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

That's weird though, isn't it? Nines.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I'm ate them.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

I'd want there to be an even number.

[Ed Gamble]

You know what? 10. 10. He's got 10. The 10th ones on the way. He eats like so much food and nothing happens to him.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Six sausages a day.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Ed Gamble]

Honestly, no. Nothing green passes his lips.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Anyway, are you sure that the abs aren't just sausages?

[Ed Gamble]

They might be tumors.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Ye.

[Ed Gamble]

I call him my Barbie because I like dressing him up in clothes.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

That's nice.

[Ed Gamble]

Anyway, what were we talking about?

[James Acaster]

I don't think it matches. I think that's all the information we need.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

What happens to the little jackets? I think that was it.

[Ed Gamble]

So Barbies. I loved Barbies and I used to make little. You know those hats Millennial women in the house raise up. You'd make those. Those hats that came up at the front with like a. With a. Like a rose on blossom hat. So I'd make little blossom hats for all my Barbies with them.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

With the. With the little silver jackets.

[Ed Gamble]

Quite easy to do and I still do it to this day, but lovely. Yeah. His head's too big for it.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Be funny if he had a tiny head. After the rest of the description of.

[Ed Gamble]

Him, all the emasculation is.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Is really tall. Eight abs and a tiny head.

[Ed Gamble]

My guy.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Great thing is his tongue will always keep growing. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I've Had a right laugh here. I really am.

[James Acaster]

So I, I, I love the sound of this dessert. I think it sounds great. I'm going to read your menu back to you now and see how you feel about it. You would like Topo chico sparkling water with lots of ice and a wedge of lime poppadoms with all the bits. Onion salad, mango chutney, yogurt and lime pickle starter olive tapenade, grilled aubergine, chicken salami cheese rocket and pesto sandwich from Brigasis in Sheffield. Main course Christmas dinner. That's Ms. Turkey sprouts, leek gratin, gravy cheese sauce, tiny little sausages, cranberry sauce and stuffing with Janet and Andy side dish. Sorry, that stuffing was last.

[Ed Gamble]

Stuffing with Janet and Andy.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Stuffing with Janet and Andy.

[James Acaster]

That's, that was out of my hands. That one was written in order of what you said, I guess.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's nice and ideal.

[James Acaster]

I'm apologizing for that. Side dish. Chips with chicken salt from Tampa in Sheffield. Drink ice cold can of full fat coca cola. Thin rimmed glass of dry white wine with at least four ice cubes. Dessert 6 Mr. Rudyard Kipling Cherry bakewells in a bowl. Microwave briefly hop heated with the finest of custards.

[Ed Gamble]

Beautiful.

[James Acaster]

That is the off menu menu of self esteem.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Thank you very much.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you, thank you.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

So we're going to do a photo in front of the stage which will be the photo we put out on it.

[James Acaster]

You'll all be in the.

[Ed Gamble]

Is it okay to put my arms around you?

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Of course.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Give it up for the brilliant self.

[James Acaster]

Esteem, Rebecca Lucy Taylor. Hi, everybody.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Thank you very much for coming, guys. You're a fantastic audience. The seeing at Superlight. Have a lovely evening. Well, there we are, James Self esteem at the London Palladium.

[James Acaster]

Fantastic, fantastic episode. Thank you so much, Rebecca for coming on the podcast. Thank you to the audience as well for being there. And self esteem's new album A Complicated Woman is out now and she's on tour across the UK and Ireland in September and October 2025. So go to selfesteem Love for dates and tickets.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

And a reminder, we are back being live boys because we are bringing off menu live the tasting menus to the Royal Abbott hall in London in March 2026. Go to offmenupodcast.co.uk for dates and tickets.

[James Acaster]

Bye.

[Ed Gamble]

Hey, it's Paige from Giggly Squad. Real talk, if there's one store that I absolutely love walking around, it's Sephora. It's, it's my total guilty pleasure. They have amazing brands that other people don't have and I find something great every time I walk in and there's literally one down the street from me, so I do that a lot. It's so fun to shop in the store and online and the products are just too good. No regrets ever. For example, one of my favorite beauty brands is makeup by Mario, who just launched his new lip gloss that I absolutely love.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

So the next time you're in the.

[Ed Gamble]

Market for great beauty, shop all the hottest products and brands only at Sephora. Summer might scream, but there's way more.

[James Acaster]

To pour with First Leaf.

[Ed Gamble]

Go beyond the usual First Leaf brings fresh reds, sparkling whites and crisp blends that are perfect for warm days. To get started, just take First Leaf's quick quiz and they'll match wines to your taste and deliver them to your door. No wine, I'll stress, no second guessing. Find your new warm weather favorite at try First Leaf.comSummertime and get your first.

[James Acaster]

Six bottles for just $44.95.

[Ed Gamble]

Try FirstLeaf.comSummertime when it comes to your business, every second counts. From mega factories to mom and pop shops, Ericsson helps tens of thousands of companies around the world build powerful connections every day. Power your business with our connectivity and communications solutions. The invisible advantage driving your growth. Visit us at Ericsson.com Power that's E-R-I C-S-S O-N.com Power.

[James Acaster]

Hello there off Menu listeners.

[Ed Gamble]

It's me, Amy Gledhill and you might remember me from my episode of Off Menu when I chose to have seaweed on mash.

[James Acaster]

And I'll be taking no further questions. And my name is Ian Smith and you may remember me from the one.

[Rebecca Lucy Taylor]

Line of dialogue I had in a.

[James Acaster]

Non broadcast Channel 4 pilot. Maybe you're in the studio audience at.

[Ed Gamble]

The time, who can forget?

[James Acaster]

But that's not what we're here to talk about.

[Ed Gamble]

No. Nor the news. Our podcast is coming back for series four.

[James Acaster]

And don't worry, it's not a boring news podcast.

[Ed Gamble]

No way. We're two northerners living in London and every week we catch up on the weirdest, most bizarre local news from up north. Things like woman in tears after spotting spitting image of dead dog in bath mat.

[James Acaster]

Pure evil blackbird named Derek terrorizing Yorkshire.

[Ed Gamble]

Village and attacking children. And we're joined by special correspondence every like you, one and only Ed Gamble, who you might have heard of.

[James Acaster]

You remember him from this pod? The one you're listening to now?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, he hosts it. Yeah, co host. He was on my episode of Off Menu.

[James Acaster]

Was he?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

I think he was in the non Broadcast Channel 4 pilot I did as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, he will have been. He's a nice guy. That's Northern News out every Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts.