Ep 299: Katherine Parkinson (Live in London) - Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster

Summary8 min read

Podcast Summary: Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster – Ep 299: Katherine Parkinson (Live in London)

Podcast Information:

Title: Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster
Hosts: Comedians Ed Gamble and James Acaster
Description: Ed Gamble and James Acaster invite special guests into their magical restaurant to choose their favorite starter, main course, side dish, dessert, and drink. It’s an exploration of dream meals and personal culinary preferences.
Episode: Ep 299: Katherine Parkinson (Live in London)
Release Date: July 7, 2025

Introduction and Context

[04:20] Ed Gamble:
The hosts announce this episode as a bonus live recording from their final show at the London Palladium. They express excitement about the guest, Catherine Parkinson, highlighting her as a "legend" and praising her work.

[04:39] James Acaster:
James shares his admiration for Katherine, mentioning his prior work experience with her and expressing genuine excitement for the episode.

[05:07] James Acaster:
He humorously warns listeners that some jokes in the show reference earlier segments that might not make sense without attending the live show. He encourages listeners to attend future shows and engage with their content on social media for clarifications.

Guest Introduction: Katherine Parkinson

[05:28] Ed Gamble:
Ed introduces Katherine Parkinson as the guest, mentioning that the audience selected "sardines" as the secret ingredient, tying it back to her role in the first episode of Inside No. 9.

[05:40] Ed Gamble:
He playfully describes the "Off Menu" ideology, blending humor with food imagery, setting a light-hearted tone for the conversation.

[06:18] James Acaster:
James reiterates the premise of Off Menu, emphasizing the creation of dream menus with guests. He introduces Catherine as the current guest, setting the stage for the forthcoming culinary discussions.

Dream Menu Discussions

Starter: Mackerel Pâté

[35:57] Katherine Parkinson:
Katherine discusses her dream starter as mackerel pâté, particularly praising her mother-in-law's version. She shares a heartfelt story about a memorable dinner in Bath where she experienced a beautifully executed chocolate fondant.

Notable Quote:
"I really, really like mackerel pâté and particularly made by his mum. So it kind of... I don't really know if I can truly say I like mackerel pâté." [36:34]

Main Course: Dover Sole off the Bone with Creamed Spinach

[36:10] Katherine Parkinson:
She selects Dover Sole off the bone with creamed spinach as her main course, highlighting its elegance and her appreciation for its taste balance without feeling overly full.

[37:08] Ed Gamble:
Ed adds his own preference for mackerel pâté, reinforcing the shared appreciation for seafood.

Notable Quote:
"My dream main would be Dover Sole off the bone, with creamed spinach. It just seems so elegant and balanced." [36:28]

Side Dish: Skinny Chips with Mayonnaise

[46:52] Katherine Parkinson:
Katherine chooses skinny chips with mayonnaise as her dream side dish, expressing a clear preference over traditional sides like green beans.

[47:00] Ed Gamble:
Ed humorously suggests dyeing the fries green to mimic green beans, adding levity to the discussion.

Notable Quote:
"That is my absolute dream side. I'd like to say green beans, but I'd just be lying." [46:54]

Dessert: Chocolate Fondant with Extra Sauce

[62:24] Katherine Parkinson:
Her dream dessert is chocolate fondant with extra sauce poured on top, recalling a vivid memory of enjoying this dish in Bath. She describes the sensory experience and the emotional impact it had on her.

[63:21] Ed Gamble:
Ed praises the dessert, highlighting its presentation and the indulgent experience.

Notable Quote:
"It's the pouring molten chocolate into it. It was so wonderful. It's really special." [63:21]

Drink: Champagne

[53:42] Katherine Parkinson:
Katherine opts for champagne as her dream drink, expressing a desire for high-quality, fizzy beverages. She mentions a transition from earlier preferences like white wine and Fanta to more sophisticated choices, albeit with a humorous note about her palate.

[54:54] Ed Gamble:
Ed humorously reiterates his fondness for champagne, linking it back to Meghan Markle in the conversation.

Notable Quote:
"I want champagne, please. And more expensive, the better." [54:48]

Personal Stories and Insights

Career and Personal Experiences

[12:35] Katherine Parkinson:
Katherine delves into her early career experiences, sharing anecdotes from her time working at TGI Fridays. She humorously recounts challenges like handling desserts under pressure and dealing with hair issues in the kitchen.

Notable Quote:
"I got put back of house and then I got put... I was in charge of the desserts, which is a really hard job." [16:11]

[18:31] Katherine Parkinson:
She discusses her high-sugar diet during her time working in the restaurant industry, humorously linking it to her dental issues and confectionery theft.

Notable Quote:
"I'm on this WhatsApp group and every day it's like everyone, the number of days they've been without it... it's one of the most depressing things that's ever happened to me." [62:57]

Health and Personal Life

[35:05] Katherine Parkinson:
Katherine shares a personal story about her husband's severe allergic reaction to seafood, which led to the discovery of his lupus. She explains how this experience has influenced their dietary choices and her emotional connection to certain foods.

Notable Quote:
"So we found out he had it [lupus]. But that if fillers had been a thing, I'd have gone, you know, look at my husband. And they'd have been like, yeah, wow, beautiful." [35:15]

[43:45] Katherine Parkinson:
She reveals her fear and disappointment regarding her husband's allergic reactions, intertwining humor with heartfelt sentiments about their relationship and dietary restrictions.

Notable Quote:
"I just didn't think about it. But can you edit it out, then? The story?" [42:44]

Culinary Preferences and Habits

[26:09] Katherine Parkinson:
Katherine expresses her love for bread, describing her preference for salt and vinegar crisps over poppadoms. She humorously laments her childhood diet and the impact of high sugar consumption on her dental health.

Notable Quote:
"I love bread. There was a stage a few years ago when actors and actresses were giving up bread. No way." [20:31]

[37:08] Katherine Parkinson:
She discusses her affinity for mackerel pâté, especially her mother-in-law's version, and shares a humorous take on how her hair might reflect her seafood indulgences.

[45:56] Katherine Parkinson:
Katherine responds to questions about gout, linking it to her love for mackerel pâté, and delves into historical anecdotes about Henry VIII's health issues for comedic effect.

Notable Quote:
"I think of that every time I stuff my face with absolute massive chunks of mackerel pate." [37:24]

Hobbies and Interests

[50:08] Katherine Parkinson:
She shares her passion for classics, highlighting her degree and interest in historical subjects like Pompeii. Katherine humorously addresses misconceptions about her interests, clarifying her fascination with history rather than inappropriate attractions.

Notable Quote:
"I get excited about... the Tragedy of Pompeii. It's fascinating." [57:23]

[58:07] Katherine Parkinson:
Katherine introduces the hobby of mud larking, describing it as a form of amateur archaeology where enthusiasts search riverbanks for historical artifacts. She shares a personal experience of finding a groat, adding depth to her character beyond culinary interests.

Notable Quote:
"It's like you're time traveling, but it's very interesting." [58:09]

Humorous Interludes and Banter

Throughout the episode, Ed Gamble and James Acaster engage in playful banter with Katherine, injecting humor into the conversation. They joke about topics ranging from dry ice, cigarette hat policies at TGI Fridays, to the technicalities of bread makers.

[08:20] Katherine Parkinson:
"I don't actually peel. I peel." ([08:20])
— Katherine humorously clarifies the proper way to handle Terry’s Chocolate Orange, debunking the myth perpetuated by advertisements.

[57:33] James Acaster:
"What a scene you've created here." ([67:35])
— James playfully directs Katherine in an improvised skit about offering a desk, showcasing their comedic chemistry.

[71:15] Ed Gamble:
"Thank you to the great Benito." ([71:15])
— Ed humorously acknowledges their stage crew, adding a layer of behind-the-scenes humor to the episode.

Conclusion

[71:03] James Acaster and Ed Gamble:
The hosts wrap up the live show with heartfelt thanks to Katherine Parkinson and the crew. They reflect on the memorable moments from their London Palladium run, expressing gratitude to their team and audience.

[72:00] Ed Gamble:
Ed humorously mentions future live shows at the Royal Albert Hall in March 2026, promoting upcoming opportunities for fans to engage with their content.

[72:54] James Acaster:
James shares a light-hearted remark about not needing to text him every week, adding a humorous touch to the conclusion.

[73:21] Ed Gamble:
A final advertisement is delivered succinctly, maintaining the episode's flow despite transitioning from content to sponsorship.

Key Takeaways and Insights

Personal Connections to Food:
Katherine Parkinson shares how her personal experiences, such as her husband's health issues, shape her culinary preferences and memories. This intertwining of personal life with food choices adds depth to her character and provides relatable content for listeners.
Humor in Storytelling:
The episode balances heartfelt stories with comedic elements, showcasing the hosts' ability to blend humor seamlessly into meaningful conversations. This approach keeps the audience engaged while delivering authentic insights.
Culinary Preferences as Reflection of Personality:
The discussion of Katherine's dream menu reveals her taste preferences, background experiences, and emotional connections to certain foods, painting a vivid picture of her personality through culinary choices.
Behind-the-Scenes Humor:
The playful exchanges between the hosts and Katherine offer a glimpse into their dynamic and the light-hearted nature of the show, enhancing listener enjoyment through spontaneous humor.
Engagement with Audience through Social Media:
The hosts encourage audience interaction by directing them to social media platforms for clarifications and engaging content, fostering a community around the podcast.
Balancing Content with Advertisements:
The episode skillfully navigates between content and advertisements, maintaining the flow and ensuring that sponsorship messages do not detract from the main conversation.

Notable Quotes:

Katherine Parkinson:
"I really, really like mackerel pâté and particularly made by his mum. So it kind of..." ([36:34])
James Acaster:
"I think being a foodie is just enjoying eating food. It's just like, just appreciating and loving food and thinking about it." ([13:20])
Katherine Parkinson:
"It's like you're time traveling, but it's very interesting." ([58:09])
Ed Gamble:
"Give it up for Catherine Parkinson, everybody. Thank you so much for coming to the show." ([70:53])

This episode of Off Menu with Katherine Parkinson offers a delightful blend of personal anecdotes, culinary discussions, and humor, providing listeners with an engaging and insightful experience. Katherine's candid storytelling, paired with the hosts' comedic flair, makes for a memorable installment in the Off Menu series.

Loading summary

Transcript679 lines

[00:01]
Ed Gamble
Oh boy, oh boy. The off menu boys are back in town doing live shows in London. James.
[00:06]
James Acaster
Ed dropped the app where a couple of losers who can't even sell out the Royal Albert Hall.
[00:11]
Ed Gamble
Well, I think we pretty much have, James. We're doing five shows at the Royal Albert Hall, 13th 15th March 2026.
[00:18]
James Acaster
This is depressing, man. We used to be a great podcast, people used to flock to see us and now we've got like some tickets still knocking around for Royal Albert Hall. Are you kidding me?
[00:27]
Ed Gamble
This is exciting, James. So many tickets going to be tasting menus. It will be previous fan favorite guests being given the menus of other previous guests.
[00:37]
James Acaster
The shows are going to be brilliant and we haven't even sold them out. We're on the. We're on the way out, James.
[00:42]
Ed Gamble
It's the Royal Albert Hall.
[00:43]
James Acaster
We're on the way out. And listen, if you were ever a fan of this podcast, you got to come and see these shows because that this could be it. This could be the end.
[00:50]
Ed Gamble
Off podcast.co.uk for tickets. Happy with that?
[00:57]
Catherine Parkinson
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[01:38]
Verizon Ad
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[02:08]
Catherine Parkinson
Instacart is on a mission to have you not leave the couch this basketball season because between the pre game rituals and the post game interviews, it can be difficult to find time for everything else. So so let Instacart take care of your game day snacks or weekly restocks and get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes because we hear it's bad luck to be hungry on game day. So download the Instacart app today and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees apply for three orders in 14 days. Excludes restaurants.
[02:38]
Sarah Gibson Tuttle
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[03:37]
AllTrails Ad
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[04:01]
Catherine Parkinson
Download the free app today and find.
[04:02]
AllTrails Ad
Your next outdoor adventure.
[04:20]
Ed Gamble
It's off menu livers. That's right. A little bonus live episode. The final Palladium show. James we did a run of Palladium shows and this was the final one we recorded and of course the final one we are releasing 22nd March 2025.
[04:36]
James Acaster
And our guest was Catherine Parkinson.
[04:39]
Ed Gamble
What a legend. Katherine Parkinson is.
[04:41]
James Acaster
Amazing actor. We're so excited to have Katherine on the podcast. I've worked with Katherine at all. Spoke to Kathryn like someone that I've admired so much all of her work. Big fan. So I'm very excited about this one.
[04:55]
Ed Gamble
Yes indeed. It was a great chat with Catherine. She is brilliant, fun. Please remember that sometimes we'll make jokes in the show that go back to the first half. They might not make sense but that's why you should have been at the show, baby.
[05:07]
James Acaster
But if you do have questions about them, just tweet the off menu twitter and ask the great Benito for the just quote the thing that you don't understand.
[05:15]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[05:16]
James Acaster
And say Dear Mr. Benito, please can you provide some contexto? And he will reply and let you know what that was a reference to.
[05:24]
Ed Gamble
Yes, absolutely. And send you a signed dropping board.
[05:25]
James Acaster
He will send you. Yeah, he'll send you a signed dropping board. Of course, that goes without saying.
[05:28]
Ed Gamble
We also get the audience to pick the secret ingredient. And tonight, on this very night, they picked. Sardines.
[05:34]
James Acaster
Sardines.
[05:34]
Ed Gamble
Sardines. Which is of course the title of the first episode of Inside Number Nine that Katherine starred in.
[05:39]
James Acaster
Yes. So let's get into it.
[05:41]
Ed Gamble
This is the off menu menu of Katherine Parkinson. Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Taking. It's good. They give me time to think of something. Taking the porridge of conversation, adding the bananas of humor, the biscoff spread of friendship, and removing the swastika tattoo of evil.
[06:18]
James Acaster
That is a gamble. My name is James A Caster. Together we own a dream restaurant. And every single week we invite in a guest and asking their favorite everstart, a main course, dessert side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week, our guest is Kathryn Parkinson.
[06:34]
AllTrails Ad
Yes.
[06:35]
Ed Gamble
The wonderful Katherine Parkinson.
[06:38]
James Acaster
You all know the secret ingredient. Keep that in your head. Hopefully you won't have to kick out Katherine Parkinson. Let's get on with the wonderful episode, shall we, Ed?
[06:45]
Ed Gamble
Let's do it. Yes. Thank you, James. This is the off menu menu of Catherine Parkinson. Here we are.
[07:01]
James Acaster
Hello, Catherine.
[07:02]
AllTrails Ad
Wow, this. This is much higher end set than I was expecting.
[07:10]
Ed Gamble
Yes, same here. To be honest.
[07:13]
James Acaster
Nope.
[07:14]
AllTrails Ad
It feels like the right set to share some vulnerable sexual stories with you.
[07:21]
Ed Gamble
Catherine didn't watch the first half, by the way.
[07:24]
AllTrails Ad
I did turn the thingamajig down when you said the secret ingredient, but I did hear the semen suggestion.
[07:31]
Ed Gamble
Ok.
[07:32]
AllTrails Ad
It's hard to do the vulnerable sexual stories if I'm not gonna talk about semen. So.
[07:37]
Ed Gamble
Thank you for turning tannoy down backstage for when we said the secret ingredient because Julian Clary didn't.
[07:46]
AllTrails Ad
What's his semen?
[07:52]
Ed Gamble
We would have kicked him out on the starter if it was.
[07:55]
James Acaster
His was a mint. Terry's chocolate orange. That's what they chose for him.
[07:59]
AllTrails Ad
That's. That's quite niche, but yeah, that's. I'd more likely to say that than seaman.
[08:07]
James Acaster
This is good to know what we're dealing with. Do you tap and unwrap? I'm talking about the chocolate orange.
[08:16]
AllTrails Ad
I don't actually. I peel.
[08:21]
Ed Gamble
It's fucking Clary all over again. Does tap and unwrap work for the chocolate orange? Because you're supposed to, like, bash it and then you unwrap it and it's supposed to all fall apart into segments. It's never worked for me, that.
[08:34]
James Acaster
No, it never works. It's a myth.
[08:36]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[08:36]
AllTrails Ad
It's just in the adverts, isn't it?
[08:39]
James Acaster
Yeah. And we all fell for it. And I still say it to this day, even though it's never happened to me.
[08:43]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[08:43]
James Acaster
Reminds me of my days as a Christian.
[08:50]
Ed Gamble
I think for a while I was missing the metaphor there because my first thought was James ate a lot of Terry's chocolate orange when he was a.
[08:57]
James Acaster
Christian at the Chris Dingle service. Yeah.
[09:02]
Ed Gamble
James, do you remember? You're a genie. James is a genie in this. So he's gone into his lamp. He will be coming out of the lamp. Don't worry. He doesn't do the rest of the podcast. Squatting down back there, even though I think the audience can't see this. But it's a lovely squat he's got, isn't it?
[09:16]
AllTrails Ad
I'm finding it quite off putting just now.
[09:20]
Ed Gamble
Catherine, we invite our guests. If you would like to get up and rub the lamp. If you would not like to rub the lamp.
[09:25]
AllTrails Ad
What is this show? Which bit do I rub?
[09:31]
Ed Gamble
That's up to you. That's the first thing we learn about you.
[09:34]
AllTrails Ad
I'm rubbing a lamb.
[09:40]
James Acaster
Oh, my God.
[09:41]
Ed Gamble
Welcome Catherine Parkinson to the Dream restaurant with me. 20G for some time. There we are. The genie's out.
[09:51]
AllTrails Ad
God, that's.
[09:52]
Ed Gamble
I should have warned you. You were standing right in the jet of dry ice there, Catherine.
[09:55]
James Acaster
But I knew that I was there in the squat thinking, hahaha, Straight into the. Straight into the jet. This is gonna be great.
[10:02]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah, I feel a bit high on it.
[10:04]
James Acaster
Yeah, there's a lot, A lot of stuff knocking about in there. You're gonna be tripping the light fantastic during this episode.
[10:11]
AllTrails Ad
I do love dry ice. Is it dried ice or is it dry ice?
[10:16]
James Acaster
Dry ice, yeah, it's dry ice.
[10:17]
Ed Gamble
I don't think it's dried ice.
[10:19]
AllTrails Ad
Is it dried ice? I've lost confidence. I wanted to say that I loved dry ice. And then I thought I should really know. Having done stage work, I should know what the phrase is. And I realize I've never known if it's dry ice or dried ice.
[10:33]
Ed Gamble
I think it's dry ice rather than. It's not like dried apricots.
[10:37]
James Acaster
It would make sense if you put ice out to dry, it would turn into that fog. So I can see how you would think it was dried ice if they dried them in the sun like they do with grapes, to turn them into raisins.
[10:49]
Ed Gamble
Hang on. So you think it would make sense if you put ice in the sun, that it would turn into that fog.
[10:56]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah, I think that's true.
[11:00]
James Acaster
I'm no scientist.
[11:02]
Ed Gamble
Thanks for letting us know.
[11:04]
James Acaster
But you're addicted to dry ice, you say.
[11:07]
AllTrails Ad
Did I say I was addicted to it? I am high on it right now, so that's.
[11:12]
Ed Gamble
But you like it. You say you're a fan.
[11:14]
AllTrails Ad
I think. You know, I remember playing Puck in my school play of the history of hockey. Not in hockey. I was one of four Pucks. It wasn't as big a deal as that sounds. We shared the part to convey the mutability of the character. Blah, blah, blah. Fairness. You know, it was at school and I remember the dried dry ice and then sort of launching myself into it and thinking, I like this. Being an actress. I mean. Yeah. As well as a dry, dried ice.
[11:49]
Ed Gamble
It was the. The atmosphere of being in the theater. It was. You finally realized you were home with the smell of the dry ice, the.
[11:55]
AllTrails Ad
Smell of the grease paint. For me, it was the smell of the dried dry ice.
[12:00]
James Acaster
And what are the other Pucks doing now?
[12:02]
AllTrails Ad
Fuck all. No, I don't know. I think they're probably very successful. And I feel like I've dressed like somebody with a proper job, like a bank manager, actually, tonight. So I think they'd probably wear a jacket like this and have a proper job.
[12:20]
James Acaster
Imagine if all three of them right now are dressed exactly like you somewhere in the world, and all of your lives are kind of like. You're just kind of tied together forever. The four Pucks.
[12:30]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah. All in black blazers and black heels.
[12:35]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[12:36]
AllTrails Ad
And black baggy jeans.
[12:38]
James Acaster
Why are you rubbing your legs? Are you much of a foodie, Catherine?
[12:46]
AllTrails Ad
A what?
[12:47]
James Acaster
A foodie.
[12:48]
Ed Gamble
A foodie.
[12:51]
AllTrails Ad
If I could take a pill and just be done.
[12:53]
Ed Gamble
Oh, no.
[12:56]
AllTrails Ad
I'm joking. Yeah, I really. Well, what does foodie mean? Cause I love food, but. But I'm not, I'm afraid, a very evolved cook. But I really appreciate well cooked and creative food cooked by people that are good. So I always feel slightly like I can't claim to be a foodie because I can't do it, but I can eat it and appreciate it.
[13:20]
James Acaster
I think that makes you a foodie. I think being a foodie is just enjoying eating food. And I don't think there's any kind of, like, you don't have to have any ability to make it. And you definitely don't have to only, like, you know, snobby, posh food either. It's just like, just appreciating and loving Food and thinking about it. I think that's a foodie.
[13:36]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah, I'm a foodie.
[13:38]
James Acaster
You feel good to say that and admit that in the room.
[13:40]
AllTrails Ad
I'm a foodie. I'm a foodie. Like Alcoholics Anonymous. I am a foodie.
[13:47]
James Acaster
Congratulations.
[13:48]
AllTrails Ad
I'm not an alcoholic, but I do have some.
[13:50]
James Acaster
You've already told us that backstage as well. Getting quite suspicious the second time tonight. You've told us you're not an alcoholic.
[13:58]
AllTrails Ad
No, I'm not an alcoholic, but I am a secret drinker because I didn't like the idea of the optics of me with a glass of alcohol. So I did ask for it to be put in a teacup, but I've now obviously ruined that by telling you.
[14:10]
Ed Gamble
Now you told us and you're drinking wine from a teacup, which, I'll be honest, makes you look like an alcoholic.
[14:16]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah, it's backfired.
[14:17]
Ed Gamble
I realized that earlier when you told us you weren't an alcoholic, you said, I'm not an alcoholic. And at that exact moment, our tour manager walked in for. With a glass of wine for you.
[14:25]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah. Yes.
[14:26]
Ed Gamble
What wine do you have in the teacup? Do you know what we've provided you with this evening?
[14:29]
AllTrails Ad
It looked like a very high end bottle of Pra. I was quite impressed.
[14:32]
Ed Gamble
Fantastic.
[14:33]
AllTrails Ad
It's not the usual. They try and.
[14:34]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[14:37]
James Acaster
Little finger out. Maybe when you drink that, we always start with still or sparkling water. Catherine, do you have a preference?
[14:46]
AllTrails Ad
I do. I have a strong preference. I really like still water. I dis. I really like, dislike the taste of sparkling water. I don't understand it.
[14:57]
James Acaster
Yep.
[14:58]
AllTrails Ad
I like sparkling other drinks. But it's very strange, sparkling water. You can taste the gas.
[15:03]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[15:04]
AllTrails Ad
And I don't get it, but what I've started to say if I'm in a restaurant is tap water. Just to seem really down to earth and like, I don't even need bottled still water. I can just take tap water. But then I realized I was sounding a bit passive aggressive because I was actually going tap water. You bastards. Trying to rip me off. Don't charge me.
[15:24]
Ed Gamble
There's nothing passive about that sentence.
[15:26]
AllTrails Ad
I shouldn't have said that. But I just. Yeah. So I'm. So I'm thinking about, you know, just saying still instead. Haven't done it yet.
[15:33]
James Acaster
You haven't tried it yet. Where do you think you might debut it? What kind of restaurant? A Wagamama, maybe?
[15:41]
AllTrails Ad
I don't know. Harvester.
[15:44]
James Acaster
Harvester's a good place to go in, ask for still water.
[15:47]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah. I Mean, I as a child did not go to restaurants. I'm from a family that didn't do restaurants at all. Went to the Harvester, down to Alworth Broadway and then I worked in TGI Fridays in Kingston full time for many months and got sort of increasingly demoted.
[16:11]
Ed Gamble
Did you really start as the CEO?
[16:14]
AllTrails Ad
I was never the CEO, but I was front of house and I got put back of house and then I got put. I was in charge of the desserts, which is a really hard job. I was called a dessert weedy because when they got in the weeds, I had to get on to. You'd have these little sort of bills coming through with two snap decisions. Snap decision was a caramel basket with a banana and some ice cream and then a bit of drizzle on the top. But when you've got to do like six snap decisions in a hurry and whatever other desserts they were. I can't remember the name of the other ones because I didn't tickle my fancy as much, obviously. But when you have to do them all in a hurry and I'm not naturally strong wristed and you have to.
[16:57]
Ed Gamble
It's what you're expecting now, isn't it?
[17:00]
AllTrails Ad
You have to do that.
[17:01]
James Acaster
So many questions.
[17:03]
AllTrails Ad
You have to do them in a hurry and get them out before they melt. That was a real challenge on a Saturday afternoon. Not to name drop, but we had Torvel and Dean in once.
[17:15]
James Acaster
Torvill and Dean order a snap decision.
[17:17]
AllTrails Ad
Actually, no, they didn't. Because I remember thinking. Because that was the one I got good at because that's the one I did most of. Anyway, I ended up getting really demoted because they kept finding at TGI Fridays you have to wear a quirky hat because it's kind of. It's a restaurant, it's a theater. It's a bit of fun.
[17:32]
Ed Gamble
Isn't it though? It's a bit of fun.
[17:33]
AllTrails Ad
Bit of fun. You gotta do an audition to get to work there. Which I like the idea of, you know. So, yeah, you gotta be a bit of a character. And I had a Minnie Mouse hat. But my. They kept coming back into the kitchen and pulling out this long, ginger, curly hair and holding it up to me. Nasty, nasty waiters and saying, another hair has fallen in. The snap decisions and the ice creams. You gotta sort this out. And I think back and I felt so bad about it, but you can't, you can't try and stop your hair from moulting. Yeah, I did have a bad diet at the time. I don't know if that does. I've never googled that. Does that. Cause why don't you talk us through.
[18:21]
Ed Gamble
Your diet at the time, your workout, if it was making your hair fall into the snap decisions, what sort of things were you eating?
[18:31]
AllTrails Ad
I was eating, I would say, quite a lot of sugar.
[18:36]
Ed Gamble
Yes.
[18:38]
AllTrails Ad
Because I was stealing stuff from the fridge.
[18:39]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. You were eating quite a lot of snap decisions.
[18:43]
James Acaster
I'd imagine this might explain why your hair is in the desserts. If you're going in the fridge and snaffling the food, then putting it back in, you're hovering over them a lot.
[18:53]
AllTrails Ad
I actually think you've solved the mystery. I think that is what was happening. And now I remember there was a dessert with a bit of cookie that you stuck in it. And it was those that I did steal a bit because they were solid and you could stick them in your bag or down your apron or whatever. I probably should be saying this on a. It's still. It's still a business, isn't it?
[19:17]
James Acaster
I don't think it's an open case at TGI Fridays.
[19:22]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah.
[19:22]
James Acaster
They dig it up. Remember we didn't know who stole those cookies. I just listened to this off menu podcast.
[19:27]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah.
[19:28]
James Acaster
And it was the branch that had Torvill and Dean in.
[19:32]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah. But you know, anyway, long ginger, curly hair. I was the only woman in the kitchen, the only person with long ginger hair. So it was, it was kind of. It was like an Agatha Christie actually, in a way, but a really sort.
[19:43]
James Acaster
Of straightforward one person you most suspect.
[19:47]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[19:48]
James Acaster
And you got fired or.
[19:49]
AllTrails Ad
No, I didn't get fired, James. No, I didn't get fired. But I did get sort of not asked back.
[19:58]
James Acaster
That implies you went away.
[20:00]
AllTrails Ad
A lot of that happens in my business. I never see it as a. You're often not recalled and it doesn't mean. Doesn't mean anything negative.
[20:09]
James Acaster
Pop ups your bread. Pop those up red traffic partners and pop them ups all brain.
[20:13]
Ed Gamble
Very good. I'd say quite harshly. Do it. As Catherine was taking a sip of Prosecco from her teacup.
[20:20]
James Acaster
Oh, I didn't think of that.
[20:25]
AllTrails Ad
Woo. Bread. Yeah.
[20:30]
James Acaster
Any particular type of bread?
[20:32]
AllTrails Ad
I mean, I like a poppadon, but I prefer a salt and vinegar crisp bread. I. I feel, I mean, I could actually get quite emotional about. Bread, please. I love, love bread. There was a stage a few years ago when actors and actresses were giving up bread. No way. I. I have a bread maker. Thank you.
[20:58]
Ed Gamble
As in a machine, not a. I.
[21:00]
AllTrails Ad
Have a man that he lives in the garden and he. No, I've Yeah, I've got bread maker, but it did fall off. Off the kitchen. What do you call it?
[21:12]
Ed Gamble
Shelf island, counter.
[21:14]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah, I haven't got an island, alas. Kitchen counter.
[21:18]
Ed Gamble
Someone's doing well, aren't they?
[21:21]
James Acaster
I don't have one. I'm just thinking about them all the time.
[21:25]
Ed Gamble
I don't have one either. No, I will not even moving house, but I go on, right, move and I look at all the houses and if it doesn't have a kitchen island, I go, no chance.
[21:34]
James Acaster
I'd worry I'll get stranded on there.
[21:39]
AllTrails Ad
You know you can get that thing where there's a tap and it's boiling water. Yeah, that's the dream, isn't it?
[21:44]
James Acaster
Yeah, that is the dream. In your kitchen anywhere.
[21:47]
AllTrails Ad
Well, I think it must be quite hazardous, though, if you've got, like, young children or stupid people in your family.
[21:55]
James Acaster
100%. They'll definitely scold themselves.
[21:58]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so the bread maker fell off.
[22:02]
Ed Gamble
Fell off the counter.
[22:03]
AllTrails Ad
They're very lively. I don't know if you've.
[22:05]
Ed Gamble
Lively.
[22:06]
AllTrails Ad
They really get going. Yeah, they jump about. Little Jack in a box.
[22:10]
James Acaster
Jump in the box.
[22:12]
AllTrails Ad
It, I mean, maybe I've got a fault. I'm worrying.
[22:15]
Ed Gamble
Sounds like you got a faulty one.
[22:17]
AllTrails Ad
They're quite active and it fell to the floor and we thought we were being broken in too, but I said, don't worry, don't worry, darling.
[22:25]
Ed Gamble
Is this in the night? Was this in the middle of the night?
[22:27]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah, I made, I, I, I did the whole, you know, you put in the whole meal and the, the whatever and the yeast and I did it just before bedtime.
[22:36]
Ed Gamble
So you put the bread maker on and then went to bed and then it.
[22:40]
AllTrails Ad
Don't do it.
[22:41]
Ed Gamble
No.
[22:41]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah, yeah. But it's lovely because the house smells of, of bread.
[22:46]
Ed Gamble
That is good.
[22:47]
AllTrails Ad
And it works, sort of.
[22:49]
Ed Gamble
You've been broken into. You're like, who's burgled our house? Yeah, there's a big red hair in there.
[22:53]
AllTrails Ad
Bread maker man who's in the garden, just break it in. No, but I really like my bread maker.
[22:58]
James Acaster
What's the best bread you've made in the bread maker? Is it broken now?
[23:03]
AllTrails Ad
One did break, but I got another one. Yeah, I put walnuts in it. Hope that's not the secret word.
[23:12]
Ed Gamble
No, you're safe, you're okay.
[23:14]
AllTrails Ad
I put walnuts in my bread. Just makes me feel good. Makes me feel a bit like Meghan Markle.
[23:23]
James Acaster
Throw them in walnuts and you think, that's how she's living. Markle yeah, walnuts in the bread.
[23:29]
AllTrails Ad
I found myself watching her series. I found it very compelling. She makes Lady Bird crostini. Have you seen it?
[23:37]
James Acaster
No, no, I watched it.
[23:39]
AllTrails Ad
I wouldn't watch that shit.
[23:42]
Ed Gamble
First time I ever did a gig here, Meghan Markle was set up there right where you are. He's never fucking heard the podcast before you.
[23:50]
AllTrails Ad
Really?
[23:51]
Ed Gamble
Royal Variety Performance. Died on my ass. Decided to do a story about farting during a massage. Ate a roast chicken, went for a massage, farted during the massage, thought, that'll be good for the audience at the Royal Variety Performance. And we all had to stand on this stage at the end for about an hour and a half to wait for Meghan and Harry to come round. They all go around shaking people's hands and speaking to them. Meghan Markle came up to me and she went, thank you for not eating any roast chicken before you came this evening.
[24:24]
AllTrails Ad
Witty.
[24:24]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, pretty good. Then they got round to the end, you gotta be really polite to them. They got round to the end and Rod Gilbert was on the other end. And I saw the discussion happening, it looked quite heated. I went, rod, what were you talking to them about? They went, well, Harry asked me if I'd had a nice time at the gig and I said, what do you say? I said, no. I fucking hated it.
[24:51]
James Acaster
It was awful gig.
[24:54]
AllTrails Ad
Oh my God.
[24:56]
James Acaster
Do you want the bread with the walnuts in?
[25:01]
Ed Gamble
Is that your dream bread? Maybe bread. Is it more satisfying eating bread that you've created yourself?
[25:06]
AllTrails Ad
Yes, I prefer shop bought bread. Just to be clear. I don't want to overdo it. I obviously prefer a shop bought bread.
[25:15]
Ed Gamble
So on your dream, on your dream menu, you want. You don't want one you've made yourself. You want a restaurant or I want.
[25:20]
AllTrails Ad
One, Megan's made you want me.
[25:23]
Ed Gamble
That's not her tonight.
[25:24]
AllTrails Ad
She's not there.
[25:25]
James Acaster
Oh, you're Megan tonight. Enjoy that.
[25:27]
AllTrails Ad
Love your show.
[25:31]
James Acaster
And you want the walnut one?
[25:33]
AllTrails Ad
Am I what?
[25:36]
James Acaster
Do you want the one with the walnuts in it?
[25:38]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah. But not the one I make.
[25:40]
James Acaster
No, I know that. Walnut bread. Warm.
[25:48]
AllTrails Ad
Oh yeah, warm with a melty butter. I don't want to feel like I've slagged off the poppadom. Got a lot of time for crisps of all kinds. It's kind of never had a poppadom. That's an exciting flavor though. But I think I need to get out more. Get out more? Try more poppadoms.
[26:10]
James Acaster
But you like salt and vinegar. Vinegar, Chris.
[26:12]
AllTrails Ad
Oh, I mean, it's pretty much all I Ate between the ages of 12 and 16. Monster Munch. Pickled onion as well. Shout out for that.
[26:20]
James Acaster
Wow.
[26:21]
Catherine Parkinson
Yeah.
[26:22]
James Acaster
Big fans in.
[26:24]
Ed Gamble
So was that before you went to the TGI Fridays then? So it was purely crisps for those years. TGI Fridays was onto the show.
[26:30]
AllTrails Ad
Crisps and penny sweets, actually. I'm so old. I remember Ha'. Penny. No, not ha'. Penny. Not ha'. Penny. Half penny.
[26:39]
James Acaster
That's like Oliver Times.
[26:40]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah, I mean. I mean half penny sweets. I'm not loud. Yeah, No, I didn't mean that, did I? I'm not Dickensian.
[26:51]
Ed Gamble
Well, before I worked at TGR Fridays, I was a shoeshine.
[26:56]
AllTrails Ad
Half penny sweets. They were in the 80s.
[26:59]
James Acaster
Get me hate me breakfast and scran.
[27:02]
AllTrails Ad
All right, governor?
[27:04]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[27:05]
AllTrails Ad
I'm not that old. I'm 47.
[27:08]
James Acaster
I want some whistle sticks and some sherbet candies. Go on, go on. Sorry, I'm done now. I can't think of fake sweets from Victorian times.
[27:19]
AllTrails Ad
Well, the penny sweets that were around when I was younger were really like, have stayed quite vividly with me. I heard one of your episodes. You talked about the Wham Bar.
[27:31]
Ed Gamble
Yes.
[27:31]
AllTrails Ad
And I had to sit down and take a moment because I loved the Wham Bar and I hadn't thought of the Wham Bar for years. I don't know if you can still get a Whambor.
[27:42]
Ed Gamble
Can you get a Whambo? Yeah, big time. You can get a Whambo.
[27:47]
AllTrails Ad
I like the beer flavored sweets. Did you ever have those?
[27:50]
Ed Gamble
Beer flavored sweets?
[27:51]
AllTrails Ad
Little. Little beers. I like the fake cigarettes.
[27:55]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[27:57]
Ed Gamble
It's the coolest I've ever felt. I think the fake cigarettes.
[27:59]
James Acaster
Same here also.
[28:01]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah.
[28:02]
James Acaster
You know the amount of times you told us you're not an alcoholic today? I like beer's favorite sweet. I like this Appatenum. Having a cigarette at the same time.
[28:12]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah. Yeah. But do you know what? It wasn't good for my teeth because.
[28:16]
Ed Gamble
Really.
[28:17]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah. Had a lot of fillings. Yeah. Sugar, I don't think is great for teeth.
[28:24]
Ed Gamble
Just to give you an insight into Catherine's love of sugar, we always ask the guests before they arrive if there's anything on their ride or if they would like anything. Sometimes we want a specific drink or something. We were hanging out with Catherine before the show and the tour manager came into the room. Catherine went. I noticed nobody bought me the refreshers I asked for.
[28:46]
AllTrails Ad
He did offer to go out and get some.
[28:47]
James Acaster
He did, yeah.
[28:48]
AllTrails Ad
Did you see me pretend that I didn't want him to? But then. But now he hasn't Refreshers. Oh, I did get them free with.
[28:56]
James Acaster
A Beano back in the day.
[28:58]
AllTrails Ad
Love the. Yes, the Beano. I was in the Dennis Menace fan club.
[29:04]
James Acaster
I was as well.
[29:05]
AllTrails Ad
Were you?
[29:06]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[29:06]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah.
[29:07]
James Acaster
Didn't know they let girls in.
[29:12]
Ed Gamble
Do you mean Minnie the Minx? Do you mean Minnie the Minx? No.
[29:14]
AllTrails Ad
Dennis and Ganacha.
[29:17]
James Acaster
Yes.
[29:17]
Ed Gamble
Yes, Ganacha. I had a fish called Gnasher named after the dog.
[29:24]
AllTrails Ad
I was so, so, so into the Beano that it was all I read. And when I got really cross with one of my brothers once, I went, I sort of mimed smoke coming from my ears and went, fume. And he just laughed.
[29:43]
Verizon Ad
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[30:13]
Catherine Parkinson
BetterHelp Online Therapy bought this 30 second ad to remind you right now, wherever you are, to unclench your jaw, relax your shoulders, take a deep breath in and out. Feels better, right? That's 15 seconds of self care. Imagine what you could do with more. Visit betterhelp.com randompodcast for 10% off your first month of therapy. No pressure, just help. But for now, just, just relax.
[30:55]
Sarah Gibson Tuttle
Hi. Who here loves when their nails are perfectly done?
[30:59]
AllTrails Ad
Me.
[31:00]
Sarah Gibson Tuttle
I'm Sarah Gibson Tuttle and I started Olive in June because let's be real, we all deserve to have gorgeous nails. But who wants to spend a fortune or half their day at the salon? And that's why I created the Mani system. So you can have that salon perfect manicure right at home. And guess what, the best part, each mani only costs $2. Yup, you heard me. $2. No more 30, 40, $50 salon trips that eat up your day. Now you can paint your nails whenever you want, wherever you want. And trust me, you're going to be obsessed with your nails. And everyone is going to ask you, where did you get your nails done? And here's a little something extra. Head over to oliveandjune.com and get 20% off your first mani system with code perfectmani20@oliveandjune.com perfectmanny20 that's code perfectmanny20 for 20% off at oliveandjeune.com perfectmanny20. You're all set for a nail glow up. Let's get those nails looking fabulous, shall we?
[31:54]
Darina
Hi, I'm Darina, co founder of OpenPhone. My dad is a business owner and growing up, I'll never forget his old ringtone. He made it as loud as it could go because he could not afford to miss a single customer call. That stuck with me. When we started OpenPhone, our mission was to help businesses not just stay in touch, but make every customer feel valued, no matter when they might call. OpenPhone gives your team business phone numbers to call and text customers, all through an app on your phone or computer. Your calls, messages and contacts live in one workspace, so your team can stay fully aligned and reply faster. And with our AI agent answering 24. 7, you'll really never miss a customer. Over 60,000 businesses use OpenPhone. Try it now and get 20% off your first six months@openphone.com business and we can port your existing numbers over for free. OpenPhone. No missed calls, no missed customers.
[32:54]
AllTrails Ad
We all belong outside. We're drawn to nature. Whether it's the recorded sounds of the ocean we doze off to or the succulents that adorn our homes. Nature makes all of our lives, well, better. Despite all this, we often go about our busy lives removed from it. But the outdoors is closer than we realize. With alltrails, you can discover trails nearby and explore confidently with offline maps and on trail navigation. Download the free app today.
[33:28]
James Acaster
Your dream starter.
[33:30]
AllTrails Ad
So I would have said. I would have said oysters A to sound classy. B because I used to like oysters, but. And I know this is a comedy podcast, but my husband has an autoimmune disease.
[33:46]
Ed Gamble
Don't laugh just because she said it's. Sorry. Sorry about them.
[33:51]
James Acaster
Sorry, Catherine. Are you even listening to what Catherine is saying? Sorry, Catherine. Go on.
[33:58]
AllTrails Ad
Sorry. Call Lupus and.
[34:04]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, you like that, dear.
[34:08]
James Acaster
Interesting. Interesting. Finally see who's been listening to this podcast all these years.
[34:14]
AllTrails Ad
Anyway, he.
[34:16]
Ed Gamble
Sorry. Sorry.
[34:18]
AllTrails Ad
We went to Marseille. Marseille once. Amazing place. And we ate some oysters and other seafood. And bearing in mind this was pre. Fillers. People having fillers. His face. You'll see why that's relevant in a minute. His face, like, swelled up so unbelievably. It was really scary. But because fillers hadn't happened, I often think that's why, because I don't speak French. Immediately I went, look at him. They took us to A and E. He was put on antihistamine drip. This is related to the lupus. This is how we found out he had it. But that if. I always think if fillers had been a thing, I'd have gone, you know, look at my husband. And they'd have been like, yeah, wow, beautiful. Because he did just look like he'd had loads of fillers.
[35:05]
Ed Gamble
Oh, what a lovely husband you have. He's so beautiful.
[35:09]
AllTrails Ad
So I feel grateful for the time that he had the extreme allergic reaction to the seafood.
[35:16]
James Acaster
Yeah. I was very lucky.
[35:17]
Ed Gamble
Do you think that happens now? Someone has an allergic reaction, they go, oh, tres jolie. So rouge your sa. Rouge.
[35:29]
AllTrails Ad
So that's why I would avoid the seafood of all kinds.
[35:32]
Ed Gamble
Although, have you not eaten oysters since that day?
[35:35]
AllTrails Ad
I haven't. Out of respect for him and just.
[35:39]
Ed Gamble
In case I pass on, just because the way you said that, I'm just gonna double check, just for the audience. He is still alive, isn't he? Yes. Okay.
[35:49]
AllTrails Ad
Just.
[35:49]
Ed Gamble
You can't bandy around the phrase out of respect for him.
[35:54]
James Acaster
Yes. So it's one step away from Minnie's memory.
[35:58]
AllTrails Ad
His ashes are actually here at the Palladium. Now, my starter would be mackerel pate, but I've just realized. Is that seafood?
[36:10]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Famously a fish.
[36:13]
Ed Gamble
Fish.
[36:15]
James Acaster
Oh, I'd have a space. My husband. No seafood. I will just have the mackerel patty.
[36:22]
AllTrails Ad
I really, really like mackerel pate and particularly made by his mum. So it kind of.
[36:29]
Ed Gamble
Can he not have any seafood, then? Does he avoid all seafood?
[36:32]
AllTrails Ad
Boring. But I.
[36:35]
James Acaster
He's got an autoimmune disease.
[36:38]
Ed Gamble
Please, Catherine. Sorry about. Catherine. Sorry.
[36:44]
James Acaster
Really sorry about that.
[36:47]
Ed Gamble
I. I love mackerel pate, though.
[36:49]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah.
[36:50]
Ed Gamble
I love mackerel pate.
[36:52]
AllTrails Ad
Do you know it can give you gout if you have g. I learned that as the receptionist on Doc Martin. So basically, I'm medically qualified. And. And this man kept buying mackerel and he had gout.
[37:08]
Ed Gamble
Is this in the story?
[37:09]
AllTrails Ad
In the story, he had symptoms of gout, and it's the purines in the mackerel that he kept getting. So I think of that every time I stuff my face with absolute massive chunks of mackerel pate. I think all. Careful.
[37:24]
Ed Gamble
Could get gout, but I don't.
[37:27]
AllTrails Ad
What are the symptoms of gout? Just sore. Sore feet.
[37:29]
James Acaster
You should know. You worked in the industry.
[37:31]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah, sorry. Yes.
[37:33]
James Acaster
We weren't receptionists for Doc Marten as.
[37:35]
AllTrails Ad
A medical professional, obviously. I know it's. Yes, it's your feet explode.
[37:44]
Ed Gamble
It feels quite an old school disease gout, doesn't it? I know people do get it now because of all the mackerel, but it feels like it's from the, from the ha' penny days somehow.
[37:53]
AllTrails Ad
A kind of faded glamour to it as well.
[37:56]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[37:57]
AllTrails Ad
I almost wouldn't mind. You know what I mean? Sort of life well lived.
[38:03]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[38:03]
AllTrails Ad
Henry VIII got it, didn't he?
[38:05]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. And he was the picture of health most of the time.
[38:08]
James Acaster
That's what I think of when I think of glamour. Is Henry so glamorous?
[38:15]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, he had to. He had to be winched up the stairs every night. You know that about Henry viii. They had a winch system to get him up the stairs.
[38:22]
James Acaster
Wow.
[38:22]
AllTrails Ad
What would a winch and like a St. Stanner early Stanner Tunis stairlift.
[38:26]
Ed Gamble
The original Stanner. Yeah.
[38:31]
James Acaster
Henry the Eighth divorce. Yeah. The standard stairlift.
[38:35]
Ed Gamble
What are you spreading the mackerel pate on A toast situation? Are we talking about a toast?
[38:40]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah, a toasted bread. I. I don't think I'd spread it. I think I'd dip it. I don't know about. I don't know. I don't feel comfortable spreading mackerel pate.
[38:48]
James Acaster
So you want it in a bowl and you're just dipping the bread, like just hoofing it in.
[38:54]
AllTrails Ad
You do what you want. But.
[38:57]
Ed Gamble
I will do what I want.
[39:00]
James Acaster
You do what you want.
[39:01]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, I will.
[39:01]
AllTrails Ad
I just think you might get gout that way.
[39:05]
Ed Gamble
No, because if I'm spreading, I'm having way less mackerel pate than you are. Is just dipping it in.
[39:10]
AllTrails Ad
It depends on the force of the dip. As I said, I don't have strong wrists and it's a very. It's a kind of. It's not even a dip, it's sort of drop.
[39:19]
Ed Gamble
So is it quite a thin mackerel pate you're thinking of?
[39:22]
AllTrails Ad
It is quite. It's thing is, Mac, you can say you like something but it can come in such different forms, can't it? Cuz I have to say I haven't really liked anyone but my mother in law's mackerel pate. So I don't really know if I can truly say I like mackerel pate.
[39:38]
James Acaster
But you would like your mother in law's mackerel pate.
[39:41]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah.
[39:42]
James Acaster
For your.
[39:42]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah.
[39:43]
Ed Gamble
So when you and your husband visit your mother in law, she makes you mackerel pate and your husband just has to sit in his Family home. Hungry.
[39:51]
AllTrails Ad
Yes.
[39:55]
James Acaster
Your dream main course, Catherine.
[39:58]
AllTrails Ad
Well, so, yeah, so I didn't go to restaurants growing up and, you know, had wonderful parents, but they worked. They were both teachers and my dad was out doing evening classes. My one brother was at football, my other brother was at Beavers or whatever, and I was at Christian campsites.
[40:16]
James Acaster
This is what you expected.
[40:19]
AllTrails Ad
Was that to Megan?
[40:20]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[40:23]
AllTrails Ad
I went to various Christian. Pointless Christian groups. What turned out to be pointless, in my case. Not pointless, pointless, but. And so we were sort of. Sort of like a strange student house. So there wasn't. What we didn't have was the family. My parents, you know, my parents were quite young when they had us. We didn't have that thing of sitting down as a family. And I say that not to discredit them at all because they were of the best parents I could possibly have hoped for, but we didn't grow up with that environment. So I would have microwave meals pretty much, you know. And then sort of, as I got into adulthood, I sort of started to go to restaurants a bit with work things and. And I always think sort of pretending is part of becoming a bit. So I would quite grandly choose, you know, the most expensive, particularly if they were paying meal on the menu, to try and be something I very much wasn't. But then pretending is becoming. I've actually started to love that meal. And that meal would be Dover sole off the bone, creamed spinach off the bone. Because I once tried to do it myself and it just looked like a toddler had been eating the meal.
[41:39]
James Acaster
So I would say that it's fine to have the mackerel pate, but at this point, the respect for your husband has absolutely gone down the toilet.
[41:53]
AllTrails Ad
I just. I just didn't think about it.
[41:54]
James Acaster
We're going just all in on seafood.
[41:58]
AllTrails Ad
Do you think he might be allergic to me?
[42:00]
James Acaster
My.
[42:02]
AllTrails Ad
The problem.
[42:03]
James Acaster
Yeah. Let's not rule it out. If you've got. Yeah. Your hair is just full of bits of fish. You know. Well, you know that you eat hair first.
[42:14]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[42:14]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah. It. Does my hair look like it's full of fish?
[42:19]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[42:19]
AllTrails Ad
Does it? Can you smell it?
[42:21]
James Acaster
Just full disclosure. Yeah. Since you got here.
[42:25]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah.
[42:26]
James Acaster
Asking for refreshers with fishy hair. Yeah. Weird stuff.
[42:29]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah. No, no. I feel very bad now because I've just told you that he's allergic to seafood and I've just ordered loads of seafood. Is my dream.
[42:36]
James Acaster
Yeah. It's funny because really there was no. You need to tell that story.
[42:41]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[42:41]
James Acaster
You could have kept that to yourself. And just chosen seafood.
[42:44]
AllTrails Ad
But can you edit it out, then? The story?
[42:48]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, they know you told the story.
[42:50]
James Acaster
That's your common problem.
[42:52]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah.
[42:54]
Ed Gamble
You did tell the story to make yourself sound quite noble, though, I think.
[42:58]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah. You were saying I'm not going to have the beast. Yeah.
[43:01]
Ed Gamble
Not going to have oysters. I haven't had oysters since we found out my husband had lupus.
[43:10]
James Acaster
Must be nice for you, because you probably can't laugh about it much at home. Just come here and laugh about it. Responding like you're hearing it for the first time every time. When I said autoimmune disease earlier, well.
[43:27]
AllTrails Ad
I know it sounds incredible, but I just didn't think of Dover Solar Seafood. Yeah.
[43:34]
James Acaster
Easily done.
[43:36]
Ed Gamble
It's a wonderful fish, though.
[43:38]
AllTrails Ad
Wonderful fish.
[43:39]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. And fancy as well. It's one of the fanciest fish. Fishes.
[43:44]
AllTrails Ad
Fishes, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I, I, I really want to have a more successful time snorkeling because I know. Well, when you say it's a lovely fish, I nodded as if I'd seen it.
[44:02]
Ed Gamble
I just meant to eat. I wasn't going, have you seen that fit fish? Bloody gorgeous fish, that one.
[44:18]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah. Yeah.
[44:19]
James Acaster
Also, again, adding that to your list of things you'd like to do. Poor guy.
[44:25]
Ed Gamble
Should we go snorkeling today? Remember, I have lupus.
[44:29]
James Acaster
For the millionth time, Catherine, I am riddled with lupus. Could not go snorkeling with you. Poor fucking guy.
[44:40]
AllTrails Ad
I'm a really good wife.
[44:49]
Ed Gamble
He can be near fish. Can he? He can be.
[44:51]
James Acaster
Can he go snort?
[44:55]
AllTrails Ad
No, he's, he's never had a reaction like he had. No, that's not true, actually. It's, I know it's shellfish. Ah, it's fine.
[45:09]
James Acaster
We're fine.
[45:10]
AllTrails Ad
That's. I should have made that clearer.
[45:12]
Ed Gamble
Yes. So, mackerel, you're fine. Dover soul, you're fine. And he could he.
[45:16]
AllTrails Ad
Would he have those does have a shell. I haven't seen it in the, in the wild.
[45:21]
Ed Gamble
As far as I'm aware, it's not a shellfish. No. If I say as far as I'm aware, it's not. It's definitely not. No, it's not. I can confidently say it's not a shellfish yet.
[45:31]
AllTrails Ad
Cool. Cool.
[45:33]
James Acaster
Kind of annoyed that we didn't just say yes to you, actually. We, we, we, we, we told you the right answer, but we could have gone, yes, it has a big shell and, and seen just how long we could get you to believe it, but.
[45:44]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah, a big rainbow shell.
[45:46]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[45:46]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah. No, yeah. I should have Said that's. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. It's. It's by. It seems to be shellfish. So. So we're cool. We're all good.
[45:56]
Ed Gamble
Do you remember what restaurant you were in or what the event was where you first had the Dover Sole?
[46:02]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah, I do. It was the Ivy west street, and it was a work thing. I don't want to sound really mercenary, but I did glance at the menu and check what the most expensive thing was on the menu, because that's what you do right when you're young and hungry. And so I went for that. And then, you know, I just. I feel like it's such a lovely meal because you don't feel too full, you feel sated. It feels, again, glamorous. Like the gout, like I mentioned before. And what I do tend to do is order us getting to the side dish fries on the side, and then I just pig out on those. So it kind of backfires in terms of. Yeah, but I. I really do like skinny chip.
[46:53]
James Acaster
So that's your dream side?
[46:55]
AllTrails Ad
That is my absolute dream side. I'd like to say green beans, but I'd just be lying.
[47:01]
Ed Gamble
Would you like us to dye the fries green so people think you're having beans?
[47:04]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah, yeah, that'd be great. Well, actually, earlier I was introduced to chips with pesto on them.
[47:10]
Ed Gamble
Yes.
[47:11]
AllTrails Ad
Blew my mind.
[47:12]
Ed Gamble
My wife was in the dressing room eating chips with pesto on.
[47:14]
James Acaster
Yeah. It's crazy.
[47:17]
Ed Gamble
That was. She bought that from somewhere, by the way. She didn't just bring a jar of.
[47:20]
James Acaster
Pesto with her eating the pesto chips, but they were.
[47:24]
AllTrails Ad
They were essentially green chips, weren't they?
[47:25]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, they were.
[47:26]
James Acaster
They're from Shake Shack.
[47:28]
Ed Gamble
Yes.
[47:28]
James Acaster
Shake Shack have started doing them, these pesto. And we all. We're all very excited, weren't we, to see Charlie eat the first one.
[47:34]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[47:34]
James Acaster
What's it like? Quite nice.
[47:37]
AllTrails Ad
Oh, yeah. I like a dip with the chips.
[47:40]
Ed Gamble
You'd like a dip? What dip? You can have as many dips. You like mayonnaise?
[47:44]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah, I like chips and mayonnaise. I like ketchup too, of course. When I was growing up, my dad's from Belfast and HP brown sauce was on everything when we. The microwave meals, but everything. And vinegar. And now I'm out in the world at large. Brown sauce doesn't seem to be a thing.
[48:07]
Ed Gamble
They tend to send more bottles of HP to Northern Ireland because it's got the picture of Parliament on it.
[48:13]
AllTrails Ad
Oh, my goodness.
[48:15]
Ed Gamble
They're trying to get their point across. It's A bit. It's a bit awkward, actually.
[48:18]
AllTrails Ad
Oh, my gosh.
[48:19]
Ed Gamble
Do you want this to be? If you're eating in our dream restaurant, what would you like it to look like? Do you want a sort of swanky Ivy sort of feel to it?
[48:29]
AllTrails Ad
I really like low lighting in a restaurant. I. Sometimes when you watch, like, shows set in America, like curb your enthusiasm or whatever, I'm always quite struck by how lit the restaurants seem to be. I don't know if that's just a choice in a TV show, but I want crepuscular Dickensian, ideally candlelight, if I'm honest, to remind you of when you.
[48:52]
Ed Gamble
Were a little kid.
[48:55]
James Acaster
I'm sorry.
[48:56]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah.
[48:56]
James Acaster
I don't often say this to Ed. What?
[49:00]
Ed Gamble
Dickensian?
[49:02]
James Acaster
Dickensian.
[49:03]
Ed Gamble
It's a callback.
[49:04]
James Acaster
Yes. But I don't remember you doing that voice. Last time I did, It's a shoeshine.
[49:09]
AllTrails Ad
He was doing that voice. He didn't do that voice.
[49:11]
Ed Gamble
I was just joining in. Sorry.
[49:13]
James Acaster
Yours sounded like from another country. I thought, oh, no, that's the end of the podcast.
[49:22]
Ed Gamble
That wasn't. That was me from England, mate. Name an accent, I'll do it for you.
[49:28]
James Acaster
Oh, oh, Catherine's the guest. Catherine can choose the accent.
[49:34]
AllTrails Ad
Okay. Okay. Jordy.
[49:36]
Ed Gamble
Well, no, now I have to do it, cuz it. I thought you were going to give me something cancelable. What would you like me to say in a Jordy accent?
[49:42]
AllTrails Ad
I love shellfish.
[49:45]
James Acaster
Wow. Just. Just when we got away from it.
[49:56]
Ed Gamble
I love shellfish, man.
[49:58]
AllTrails Ad
Oh, wow.
[49:59]
James Acaster
Really good, really good, really good. What accents have you done for, like, what's the hardest accent you've had to do for a role?
[50:09]
AllTrails Ad
What I tend to do is I do it for the first scene and then I go, is that all right? And then I drop it for the rest of the show. But I did Northern Irish once in a Antigone. Tom Paulin's Antigone. And my dad, who's from Belfast, came and saw it and gave me Nain Elder tan for the accent and I was happy with that.
[50:34]
James Acaster
That's very good. Actually, I can't do accents. I wish I could. I'm so jealous every time.
[50:38]
Ed Gamble
Give James an accent to do, Catherine.
[50:41]
AllTrails Ad
Okay. I think Northern Irish is really quite hard, so I won't give you that one. I'm going to say Liverpool and.
[50:54]
James Acaster
Oh, now a friend of mine is here who's from Liverpool and I'd like.
[50:58]
AllTrails Ad
You to say, I love. I love Little Chef.
[51:02]
James Acaster
Not happy about this situation.
[51:05]
Ed Gamble
Well, the other option that's been shouted out is shrek. So when you.
[51:10]
James Acaster
I'm very good at Shrek. I can do a really good Shrek. Would you like me to do a Shrek?
[51:16]
AllTrails Ad
I'd like you to do Shrek. Yeah.
[51:18]
Ed Gamble
I love Little Chef. Would you like. I love Little Chef. Yeah. They've been ready for that every single night of this run. This is the only time it's happened.
[51:37]
James Acaster
Donkey.
[51:38]
Ed Gamble
I love the Little chef.
[51:39]
James Acaster
Donkey.
[51:46]
Ed Gamble
Outstanding.
[51:53]
Catherine Parkinson
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[52:34]
Darina
Hi, I'm Darina, co founder of OpenPhone. My dad is a business owner and growing up, I'll never forget his old ringtone. He made it as loud as it could go because he could not afford to miss a single customer call. That stuck with me. When we started OpenPhone. Our mission was to help businesses not just stay in touch with, but make every customer feel valued. No matter when they might call. OpenPhone gives your team business phone numbers to call and text customers, all through an app on your phone or computer. Your calls, messages and contacts live in one workspace so your team can stay fully aligned and reply faster. And with our AI agent answering 24 7, you'll really never miss a customer. Over 60,000 businesses use OpenPhone. Try it now and get 20% off your first six months@openphone.com business and we can port your existing numbers over for free. Open Phone. No missed calls, no missed customers.
[53:39]
James Acaster
Your dream drink.
[53:42]
AllTrails Ad
Oh, wow.
[53:45]
James Acaster
Thank you.
[53:47]
AllTrails Ad
My. My drink. Well, I. Especially when I was going to restaurants for the first time as part of this effort to be this new sophisticated version of myself, I used to order a glass of white wine and a Fanta please. And I thought that was pretty fucking classy. I've now dropped both and I've been drinking quite a lot of. I filmed this thing called Rivals recently.
[54:19]
Ed Gamble
What a show.
[54:20]
AllTrails Ad
Film it again. And I've pretended my research is to only drink champagne, but it's quite an expensive habit. But I really like, you know, like the cheap Prosecco you've given me tonight. He's a really good, you know, second best.
[54:41]
James Acaster
So what you're saying is you'd like champagne?
[54:45]
AllTrails Ad
Champagne, please. Yeah.
[54:46]
James Acaster
And more expensive, the better.
[54:48]
AllTrails Ad
Yes.
[54:48]
James Acaster
Would you like it out of a teacup?
[54:50]
AllTrails Ad
Or I'm happy to order the cheapest champagne in a restaurant. I don't. I can't really tell the difference between. I'm afraid my palate's not very. That sophisticated yet. As long as it's fizzy and not Prosecco.
[55:03]
James Acaster
Would you. Do you subscribe to the phrase champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends?
[55:09]
AllTrails Ad
Oh, that's what the Romans did, wasn't it? It was the posh wine for the. The richer guests and the sort of dregs for the insignificant ones.
[55:22]
James Acaster
I think that's what it means, that phrase, real pain for my sham friends. Get what I mean.
[55:27]
AllTrails Ad
Real pain for my sham friends. What does that mean?
[55:30]
James Acaster
I mean, it's like, I hope people who just pretend to be my friends, I see real pain. I hope something bad performs.
[55:37]
AllTrails Ad
Oh, that's awful.
[55:41]
James Acaster
This is what.
[55:41]
AllTrails Ad
That's a bit much, isn't it?
[55:43]
James Acaster
It's a phrase. It's not.
[55:44]
Ed Gamble
I don't think.
[55:45]
James Acaster
I didn't come up with it.
[55:46]
AllTrails Ad
I think that's really unkind, necessarily. Unkind.
[55:48]
James Acaster
They say, champagne for my real friends. Real pain for my sham friends.
[55:52]
Ed Gamble
What were you. And why did you mention the Romans?
[55:57]
AllTrails Ad
Why did I mention the Romans?
[56:00]
James Acaster
I think you thought the phrase was that you give the good champagne to your good friends and the bad champagne to people you're not bothered about.
[56:06]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah, I mean, I'm. I'm quite into the Romans. They used to use pheasant feathers to make themselves sick after a meal so they could go again. But also they always used to lie down to eat the rich Romans. And I find that baffling because, I mean, I don't suffer generally from indigestion, but I feel like if I was prone, you know, supine eating pheasants and, you know, God knows, all these sort of. Of rich foods that they ate. I definitely throw it up a bit.
[56:38]
Ed Gamble
Well, it's difficult, isn't it? I imagine if you have a mouthful and you're lying down, like, chewing it and swallowing it down would be quite an effort, wouldn't it?
[56:45]
James Acaster
Quite difficult, yeah.
[56:50]
Ed Gamble
How long have you been into the Romans for?
[56:55]
AllTrails Ad
My degree was in classics and I really. I get, like, actually sexually aroused. Talking about Pompeii.
[57:05]
Ed Gamble
Pompeii.
[57:08]
AllTrails Ad
Not sexually aroused.
[57:11]
James Acaster
Me up again.
[57:11]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[57:12]
James Acaster
What happened in Pompeii?
[57:13]
AllTrails Ad
Yes, I. I got. I get. I get excited by, you know, they found somebody who they. That their brain had turned to glass in the. In the. I mean, it's. It's time for. It's fascinating.
[57:24]
James Acaster
I've Got an erection.
[57:27]
Ed Gamble
I know you've changed your mind since then, but initially you did say you were sexually aroused by the Tragedy of Pompeii.
[57:33]
AllTrails Ad
No. Yeah. No, that makes me sound really like a psychopath. I. What? I. I'm. I get excited, like, you know, I'm into a bit of mud larking. I do get excited about those things, which I suppose you could dismiss as geekery, but actually it's really profound. And if you're not into it, you're.
[57:54]
Ed Gamble
You're a bit of a.
[57:55]
AllTrails Ad
Bit of a.
[58:05]
Ed Gamble
Did you want to ask what mud larking was, James?
[58:08]
James Acaster
Yes, Mud larking. I don't know what that is.
[58:10]
AllTrails Ad
It's larking in the mud. I mean, basically it's. I mean, I think you do technically need a license, but you just sort of go to the riverbanks or whatever and find things. Like, you will always find something, maybe a bone dice or bone pipe or a bit of a glass bottle or some. Some dentures and. And there you are. It's like you're time traveling, but it's very interesting.
[58:38]
Ed Gamble
Is this something you do?
[58:39]
AllTrails Ad
No. Yeah. No, I have done it. And if you go on a guided tour, you do have to put. Put everything back, which is a shame, because. But, you know, I found a groat. I found a groat once. Well, my husband found a gro. But, you know, I say, I found it and it was.
[58:57]
James Acaster
Poor man, can't have anything.
[58:58]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah.
[59:04]
James Acaster
But then you have to put it back. So you have to. If you do a rumage around in the muddy banks of a river, find some. Something that is adjacent to just trash, and then you can't even keep it. You're told you have to put it back in the mud.
[59:18]
AllTrails Ad
And you can't wear an apron like I did at TGI Fridays to get the cookie stuff in there. You know, you'd look too suspicious if you were down on the riverbanks with an apron with a massive flap, you know, sort of. You'd be rumbled. But, no, it's just an interesting thing to do. But that's got nothing to do with the Romans, particularly. But I just. Yeah, no, I just like. I just like history. Yeah, yeah. Do you like history?
[59:45]
Ed Gamble
I do. I. Yeah. I understand that it excites you, especially seeing things being like, this was ages ago. That's basically what it is, isn't it? God, this was bloody ages ago.
[59:55]
James Acaster
Oh, you really understand history yet?
[59:57]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah, but it is.
[60:00]
James Acaster
He still surprises me with his intellect and his knowledge on this podcast, because.
[60:04]
Ed Gamble
A lot of history, some history was more ages ago than other history, wasn't it?
[60:07]
AllTrails Ad
But that exact phrase is what I think sometimes looking at like an artifact or a painter. This was bloody ages ago. That is kind of what you're saying to yourself again. And they were the same. Yeah, this was bloody ages ago.
[60:17]
Ed Gamble
It's man, I think I'm a bloke walking around in this museum and one day those people were just blokes walking around, but ages ago.
[60:24]
James Acaster
And one day you might be bloody ages ago to someone else.
[60:28]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[60:28]
James Acaster
God, isn't that scary?
[60:30]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah, I don't like that.
[60:32]
James Acaster
No. People might be going, that was bloody ages ago. It crowdy ages ago. What do you hope, you know, in years to come when historians look back and they. What of your work would you hope they would discover in the mud?
[60:53]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah, I think I'd have to say my, you know, I told you earlier I had a lot of fillings as a child. I was telling you about my fillings in the dressing room.
[61:06]
Ed Gamble
Yes.
[61:08]
AllTrails Ad
From the high sugar diet that was normalized in the 80s culture.
[61:12]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[61:13]
AllTrails Ad
And you know, I had some of those fillings taken out to be replaced with white ones and the dentist said, God, some of these fillings are older than you. And I giggled, girlishly flattered, you know, because obviously they, they weren't older than me. I, I like the idea of some of my mercury fillings maybe surviving.
[61:33]
James Acaster
Okay. I was asking about your professional work that you not. What part of your body do you hope people find in the mud in years to come? That was. That would be the most sinister question I've ever asked a guest when you have died. What parts of you do you hope survive and are unearthed by future, even civilizations of your work do you hope.
[61:59]
Ed Gamble
People find later on and you know.
[62:01]
AllTrails Ad
That it's ages ago historically, my feelings is. Is enough for me. Yeah.
[62:07]
Ed Gamble
Do you hope that maybe in the future someone finds one of your fillings in a snap decision at TGI Fridays?
[62:13]
AllTrails Ad
Oh yeah, yeah, I hope so. Chokes.
[62:18]
James Acaster
Well, speaking of the snap decision, we arrive at the dream dessert. Is the snap decision even in the mix or do you.
[62:25]
AllTrails Ad
It's not, actually. I mean, I love sugar. Currently I seem to find myself on a no sugar WhatsApp because I bumped into a friend recently and I said, oh, we must meet and go for our usual cake. And he said, no, I haven't had sugar for, you know, 362 days. And I actually felt quite upset. Upset. I feel quite upset when people tell me things like that. I suppose I'm threatened by it. I Once tried to cut out sugar and it was like a heroin addict. I had to go to the spare room. I was having body aches, I was having sweats. Because I think I have got quite a high sugar content.
[62:57]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. High sugar content.
[62:59]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah. I think I'm. I do think I've got quite a high sugar content. Yeah. So I'm. I'm on this WhatsApp group and every day it's like everyone, the number of days they've been without it and then like a carrot emoji or a broccoli emoji and it's one of the most depressing things that's ever happened to me. But I love chocolate fondant.
[63:21]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[63:22]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah. I had a really special chocolate fondant once at a restaurant in Bath and I was with my husband. We'd had a non shellfish meal and he. It was that time, sort of literally talking about time. Time went slower and it was quite a fancy restaurant and one person came and took the lid off the head off the chocolate sponge and another person poured molten chocolate into it. And my husband said he's never seen me go cross eyed before or since. And I can't do it on cue. I'm not one of those gifted people. But I did. It was just. It was so wonderful. It was so wonderful. It's really special.
[64:10]
James Acaster
Did you go cross eyed when you ate it or when they were pouring it?
[64:15]
AllTrails Ad
It was the pouring. It was pouring. I think you must have seen my eyes crossed with the. Pouring molten chocolate through, you know, just where my nose is. But yeah, it was, it was an incredible experience. And you know, on my deathbed it will be one of the things that flickers, you know, so they're pouring.
[64:32]
Ed Gamble
So the chocolate fondant is. Got the sauce inside it and then they're pouring extra sauce on top.
[64:38]
AllTrails Ad
I mean, it's ridiculous.
[64:39]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[64:40]
James Acaster
What other things will flash through your mind when you're on your deathbed?
[64:47]
AllTrails Ad
I think that's a really personal question.
[64:49]
James Acaster
Yep. Ed, is there anything that will flush through your mind on your deathbed?
[64:55]
Ed Gamble
This moment? I think definitely. Talking to you two about what will flash through my head on my deathbed will definitely be the first thing I think of when I'm on my deathbed.
[65:05]
James Acaster
That'll be annoying, won't it?
[65:06]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. Also, when things flash before your eyes when you're about to die, does it have to be stuff from your life?
[65:14]
AllTrails Ad
Well, as opposed to someone else's stuff.
[65:16]
Ed Gamble
Can you imagine stuff that happens to someone else?
[65:19]
James Acaster
Like Henry VIII getting winched up the stairs?
[65:21]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, I'D like that to be the last thing I think of as if I'm from Henry VIII's point of view, like sort of Tudor peep show. I'm just being. I'm being winched up the stairs and I've got gout.
[65:38]
James Acaster
What would his inner monologue be if it was like, peep show, getting winched up the stairs again.
[65:44]
Ed Gamble
Here we go. Jeremy's gonna come and have a go at me in a minute. Something like that.
[65:48]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah. Yeah.
[65:49]
Ed Gamble
Mother bloody wife.
[65:51]
James Acaster
I wonder what Johnson's thinking.
[65:56]
AllTrails Ad
It doesn't necessarily. It won't necessarily be interesting things that flash through your mind on your deathbed. I think we sort of think we. You can't choose your thoughts, can you? It might be sort of some of the more mundane things that have happened to you in your life.
[66:08]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[66:09]
AllTrails Ad
It should be, again, a letdown. The death is a letdown, but also a letdown. The thought processes that you're burdened with just before you go. You'd be really frustrated, wouldn't you? All ran. Yeah.
[66:24]
James Acaster
What kind of stuff do you mean? What kind of boring stuff has happened to you that you would.
[66:27]
AllTrails Ad
Well, you know, I worry sometimes because my subconscious is very dull and I have really boring dreams. And just last night I dreamt in quite, quite a lot of detail that I was offered a desk by a neighbor. And you know what would make that story really interesting would be if I was then offered a desk by a neighbor. But I wasn't.
[66:58]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[66:59]
James Acaster
No.
[67:01]
Ed Gamble
In the dream. Did you take the offer? Did you take the desk?
[67:04]
AllTrails Ad
I actually said, we haven't got room, which is what I would say in real life. But the thing is, you know, I. My job. I don't know if you know, but I'm an actress.
[67:13]
Ed Gamble
Yes.
[67:13]
AllTrails Ad
And my job involves imagination. I don't think I've got one.
[67:21]
James Acaster
That's okay.
[67:21]
Ed Gamble
But that means. Imagine if now you get a part of a woman who has. Gets offered a desk by their neighbor. You're gonna be like, well, not only.
[67:30]
AllTrails Ad
It'd be really moving.
[67:33]
Ed Gamble
I've already done this in my dreams.
[67:35]
James Acaster
Do you want to act out the scene with me now? I can offer you the desk.
[67:39]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[67:40]
James Acaster
And show people how good it is.
[67:41]
Ed Gamble
Do you want me to. Do you want me to direct?
[67:44]
James Acaster
Yeah, if you want to direct. Yeah. I'll be the neighbour.
[67:47]
Ed Gamble
Okay.
[67:48]
James Acaster
Okay. Ringing the doorbell.
[67:54]
AllTrails Ad
Oh, hello, Gavin.
[67:56]
James Acaster
Hello. Didn't know if you'd be in.
[67:59]
AllTrails Ad
Well, it's the middle of the night.
[68:08]
James Acaster
Now, when we heard some clattering and we looked through the window. Apparently Your. Your bread maker's gone rogue.
[68:15]
AllTrails Ad
He honestly, he doesn't do what he's told.
[68:20]
James Acaster
Anyway, it reminded me we got a spare desk knocking around and we were wondering if you and your husband, who I believe has Lupus, have anything. Catherine's absolutely loving it.
[68:40]
AllTrails Ad
I'm actually moved to tears.
[68:45]
James Acaster
I wouldn't have any use for it.
[68:48]
AllTrails Ad
Oh my goodness. That's so kind, but we have no room.
[68:55]
James Acaster
Okay, I'll try the next house.
[68:58]
Ed Gamble
Cut.
[68:59]
James Acaster
Good scene, good scene, good scene. Very good.
[69:05]
Ed Gamble
We'll try it once more time. And James, your character's from Liverpool this time.
[69:10]
AllTrails Ad
I don't know if I'll be able to cry again, but.
[69:12]
James Acaster
No, no, no.
[69:18]
AllTrails Ad
Oh my God. Who are you?
[69:21]
Ed Gamble
Now, Catherine, just want to clarify. Were you reacting like that because James was Shrek or he was from Liverpool?
[69:27]
AllTrails Ad
Sorry, no, because he was. He was in. Because suddenly my imagination has kicked in and you were green and you were very much Shrek. In the middle of the night knocking on my door.
[69:37]
Ed Gamble
I thought it was because that's actually all pesto.
[69:39]
AllTrails Ad
Yeah.
[69:41]
James Acaster
Ring the bell again.
[69:43]
Ed Gamble
Ding dong.
[69:44]
James Acaster
You do Ding dong in the Liverpool?
[69:46]
Ed Gamble
Yes, please.
[69:48]
AllTrails Ad
No, no.
[69:48]
James Acaster
Ding dong.
[69:55]
AllTrails Ad
Hello, you're. Oh my God.
[69:59]
James Acaster
We got a desk. Thought it might have useful you yours when you had Lupus.
[70:14]
AllTrails Ad
Shrek.
[70:17]
James Acaster
You got me. We'll read your menu back to you. Nelsie, how you feel about. You want still water? You would like warm walnut bread made by Meghan Markle with melty butter starter. Your mother in law's mackerel pate main Dover sole off the bone with creamed spinach. Side dish of skinny chips with mayonnaise drink. Champagne, the very best. And dessert, the chocolate fondant with extra sauce poured on top that you had in Bath.
[70:51]
AllTrails Ad
Oh my God.
[70:52]
James Acaster
The off menu menu.
[70:54]
Ed Gamble
Give it up for Catherine Parkinson, everybody. Thank you so much for coming to the show. Thank you.
[71:01]
James Acaster
Thank you so much everyone. Bye bye.
[71:03]
AllTrails Ad
Brilliant.
[71:03]
James Acaster
Goodbye.
[71:04]
AllTrails Ad
Good night.
[71:15]
James Acaster
There we are.
[71:16]
Ed Gamble
I loved that one. James, what a great chat with Catherine.
[71:18]
James Acaster
Fantastic. What a lovely way to end our London Palladium run. That's all of the bonus shows now from the London Palladium. Thank you everyone for coming to see it. Thank you all our guests again. All of them were fantastic.
[71:30]
Ed Gamble
Thank you to the great Benito.
[71:32]
James Acaster
Yeah, thank you to great Benito. He put a lot of work into those, much more than we did and really appreciate that. Thank you to all the crew as well. Who put all up all those sets every night and then had to take them all down.
[71:45]
Ed Gamble
I don't think they took them down.
[71:47]
James Acaster
I realized they didn't take them down every night and put them up every day.
[71:51]
Ed Gamble
That would be mad.
[71:51]
James Acaster
But they had to put them up once, which probably wasn't taken down once, and then take him down once. I doubt any of that was a laugh.
[71:57]
Ed Gamble
No.
[71:58]
James Acaster
And then, you know, and poor old Charlie, I dropped his mic on the floor at one point trying to swat a fly. I still don't know if that's fixed yet. So, you know, thanks to all of them for being so fantastic as always and thanks to. To Paul for being a great stage manager as well.
[72:12]
Ed Gamble
Yes. Thank you, Paul. Thank you to the snitch for taking all the photos.
[72:15]
James Acaster
The snitch took the photos. Very good. Professional photos. You can see them online on the Internet, on our socials and stuff. And that guy can take photos of other people as well.
[72:24]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[72:25]
James Acaster
If you want to take photos for.
[72:26]
Ed Gamble
You, he will do it.
[72:28]
James Acaster
And thanks to Megan and Pippa for filming it as well.
[72:31]
Ed Gamble
I'm not thinking. I've not seen any clips yet.
[72:33]
James Acaster
Well, I'm looking forward to seeing. I'm grateful. Yeah, yeah.
[72:36]
Ed Gamble
The crew will all be back with us.
[72:39]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[72:40]
Ed Gamble
Because we're doing more live shows at the Royal Albert hall in London in March 2026. It's tasting menus live. Previous fan favorite guests. Receive menus of other fan favorite guests. Go to offmenu podcast.co.uk for dates and tickets.
[72:54]
James Acaster
What a time to be alive.
[72:56]
Ed Gamble
And we'll be back for the new series of off menu very soon.
[72:59]
James Acaster
Yes. So no need to text me every week, Mother. They will. It will be out soon. And texting me isn't going to speed it up, Mother.
[73:22]
Verizon Ad
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[73:52]
AllTrails Ad
When you're ordering food for your workplace, are you still using a spreadsheet? Not with EasyCater, the online platform for.
[74:00]
Sarah Gibson Tuttle
Ordering and managing food for the workplace.
[74:02]
AllTrails Ad
Come on. Manually inputting lunch requests in all those little boxes. You don't need that kind of sheet in your life. EasyCater was built for business.
[74:10]
Sarah Gibson Tuttle
It's simple, smart, and way more powerful.
[74:13]
AllTrails Ad
Than the old sheet you're used to. So drop the sheet and go with.
[74:16]
Sarah Gibson Tuttle
EasyCater, the easy place to get food for your workplace. Order now@easycator.com say hello to Samantha.
[74:23]
Catherine Parkinson
Hi there.
[74:24]
James Acaster
Samantha built a SaaS platform that helps small businesses manage their workflow.
[74:29]
Ed Gamble
But she needed a smarter way to reach decision making.
[74:32]
Catherine Parkinson
That's where Acast came in. They helped me produce a professional audio ad which played to business owners and ops leads using their audience attributes targeting tools. Suddenly, my platform was showing up in the ears of the exact people I needed to reach.
[74:44]
Ed Gamble
Now that's streamlined marketing.
[74:45]
AllTrails Ad
Samantha, what's your tip for scaling smart?
[74:47]
Catherine Parkinson
Solve a real problem and make sure the right people hear about it.
[74:51]
Ed Gamble
Promote your business with podcast ads on Acast.
[74:54]
AllTrails Ad
Get started@goacast.com advertise. Hello, I'm Harriet Kemsley. And I'm Amy Gledhill. You might remember us from our off menu episodes. For example, when I was on there, I talked about seaweed in MASH and James and Ed rang my mum and I talked about how I had a phobia of bananas and somebody has added it to my Wikipedia page. Thank you. But we've not come on here to tell you about bananas and seaweed. We've come to tell you about our podcast, Single ladies in your area. Me and Amy found ourselves single in our 30s and had to go back into the dating landscape. And it's harder for Harriet because if anyone Googles her and finds her Wikipedia, then she's forbic of bananas. They think, what a freak. It's even worse if they listen to the whole episode. People have described it as batshit. But in Single Ladies in your area, we get on experts to tell us what we should be doing. We're learning from experts, we're learning from friends, we're learning from comedians and people from all over the bloody shop. That's single ladies in your area out every Friday, wherever you get your podcasts.