Fern Brady (Tasting Menu)

Summary

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster — Tasting Menu with Fern Brady

Guest: Fern Brady
Date: February 18, 2026
Episode Theme:
Comedian Fern Brady returns to the Off Menu Dream Restaurant for a special "tasting menu" edition, where she is presented with fellow comedian (and friend) Phil Wang’s dream menu to riff on and react to. The hosts and Fern discuss friendship, food preferences, cultural cuisines, memorable food stories, and comedic misadventures, all in the signature Off Menu playful, irreverent tone.

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Main Theme and Purpose

This episode brings Fern Brady back to the Off Menu restaurant, not to pick her own menu, but to weigh in on Phil Wang’s selections. As firm friends and frequent dining partners, Fern’s perspectives illuminate the differences—and points of friction—in their food philosophies and eating habits. Alongside laughter and culinary confessions, the episode wanders through tales of touring, running for food, international cuisines, and humility (and humiliation) in the kitchen.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Podcast Format and Running Jokes

• Discussion of the Off Menu format, the Genie Lamp, and how returning guests sometimes forget the concept.

• Fern, despite being a fan, admits:

  "I’ve listened to loads now, but clearly in none of them we mention me being a genie, which is...I think we do." (Fern Brady, 07:51)

• Languid riffing about "poppadoms or bread", James’s genie act, and whether the branding is strong enough.

2. Fern's Food Philosophy and Training Regimen

• Fern reveals she’s now addicted to sparkling water and struggles to drink still:

  "I can only drink sparkling water now. When I try and drink normal water, it's so boring in my mouth that I often just get very dehydrated until I can have some sparkling water again." (Fern Brady, 08:55)

• Discussion on gut health, running (holding handfuls of imaginary crisps), and how food acts as motivation for long training runs.

  • "I keep setting for my long runs. I pick a place that I want to eat in London and then run to it." (Fern Brady, 12:07)

3. Anglo-American Sandwich Wars

• Lively debate on how American and Canadian sandwiches are superior to British ones.
  • "They just have a much better sandwich culture than the UK, which wouldn't be hard." (Fern Brady, 13:35)
• M&S, meal deals, and why Brits would never risk their life for a sandwich, unlike Joey in Friends.

4. Fern's Return to Eating Meat

• After an extended period of vegetarianism, Fern’s seduction by LA beef birria tacos—despite digestive upset.
  • "I can't find a good veggie version of this and they've fucked me up...my tummy's gonna hurt, cause your body stops being able to break it down." (Fern Brady, 16:55)
• Humorous reflection on the difficulties (and motivations) of giving up meat.

5. Culinary Companionship with Phil Wang

• Ed and James reveal Fern will be eating Phil Wang’s menu; Fern recalls their adventures and foibles on a joint holiday.
• Memorable “Couple on Honeymoon” Story:
  Fern and Phil get mistaken for a married couple in Thailand after he self-invites on her trip and disputes her table manners—specifically, returning spicy papaya salad juice to the shared dish.
  • "He went mental. He was like, you can't do that. That's so unhygienic...I was just sitting there like, what?" (Fern Brady, 22:22)
• Fern applauds Phil’s exploration in Asian food, but disputes his zealousness for rice:

  "He thinks rice is better than it is and he's so...he's always saying that bread is a white person thing." (Fern Brady, 23:12)

6. Touring, Food, and Joy

• Contrasting "food as fuel" people with genuine food enjoyment.
  • "It would take like 90% of the joy out of my life." (Fern Brady, 19:09)
• On tour, Fern seeks out top taco and sandwich spots, sometimes to the exclusion of local barbecue.

7. Phil Wang’s Dream Menu and Fern’s Reactions

(a) Water + Poppadoms

• Sparkling water earns Fern’s approval; anti-bread stance discussed.

(b) Starter: Salmon Roe on “Drug Leaf” (Betel Leaf)

• Hosts joke about accidental hallucinogens.
• Fern:

  "Really interested in psychedelics...but I don't know about having it with my dinner." (Fern Brady, 27:40)

• Texture of salmon roe and insertion of kefir (fermented milk drink) stories, including a vivid description:

  "Imagine if you were drinking, like, fuzzy parmesan flavored vomit...it's got like lumps at the bottom, like, cheesy lumps." (Fern Brady, 29:50)

(c) Main Course: Wat Tan Hor (Malaysian Eggy Soup)

• Slippery, snotty texture excused by nostalgia.
• Fern generally trusts Phil’s tastes, except for over-ordering rice.

(d) Side Dish: Clear Chinese Broth

• Recent Glasgow broth revelation:

  "I just had the best broth...Silesian potato dumplings with broth. And it was a lovely light broth with dill flavor in it." (Fern Brady, 46:28)

• Broth as rehydration after running.
• Stories of extreme fasting at a German clinic:

  "All you got to eat each day was a broth...by day two they're going 'oh do you want some herbs on your broth?' and you're just desperate for anything." (Fern Brady, 49:59)

(e) Drink: Riesling White Wine

• Fern: "A red wine."
  Hosts: "It's a Riesling"
  Phil’s growing wine obsession discussed; Fern prefers to abstain for long stretches, then seeks “wine that is really worth it” (63:09).
• The terroir and English wine scene riff.

(f) Dessert: Banoffee Pie

• Fern’s traumatic banoffee pie disaster for an Irish Christmas party haunts her years later:

  "When I bake something and it goes wrong, I carry the shame with me for years...I've had to bring two desserts because I just feel so ashamed." (Fern Brady, 77:50)

• Bigging up Middle Eastern desserts (“knefa”) as a new favourite; reflection on how other people sometimes don’t match your food enthusiasms.

8. Baking, TV Shows, and Anxiety

• Both recount their mishaps on Celebrity Bake Off.

  • Fern:

    "I was good at baking. And then Paul Hollywood criticized the size of my buns...I wasn't able to bake after. For a long time after because I would just look at my things...and have Paul Hollywood's words echoing in my head." (Fern Brady, 79:01)

  • James:

    "The second day I had to Retake all of my talking head bits...and can you just keep it a bit light and remember that this is for charity." (James Acaster, 82:06)

• The emotional consequences of being shamed on TV bake-offs, and how it can knock culinary confidence.

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• Fern on Diet Motivations:

  "I pick a place that I want to eat in London and then run to it." (12:07)

• Sandwich Despair:

  "No one would die for like an M&S or a meal deal." (14:04)

• Papaya Salad Incident:

  "So I tipped the spicy water back into the salad dish. He (Phil) went mental..." (22:22)

• British Supermarket Sandwiches:

  "I think like a wet tuna and sweet corn boots sandwich is not comparable to an M&S sandwich." (14:29)

• On Fasting:

  "I was like, they must know, cause I was coming back with, like, cakes in my backpack and stuff." (54:31)

• Drink Choices:

  "I try and do now is not drink for as long as I possibly can and then break it with one glass of wine. And then I regret it because I've just not got a tolerance for it." (63:09)

• Banoffee Pie Shame:

  "When I bake something and it goes wrong, I carry the shame with me for years like a Japanese businessman that's let down the whole company." (77:50)

• On the Nature of Off Menu:

  "You know, did we not make that obvious enough?" (Ed Gamble, 85:10)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Fern’s Introduction & Format Chat: 03:51–08:38
• Water Debate: Still vs. Sparkling: 08:55–09:19
• Running and Motivation: 11:00–13:18
• British vs American Sandwiches: 13:23–15:41
• Back to Eating Meat: 16:34–17:53
• Friendship Stories (Thailand, rice): 21:00–24:40
• Food as Joy, Not Just Fuel: 19:09–20:21
• Starters Discussion (Drug leaf, Salmon roe): 27:08–31:24
• Main Course (Malaysian Eggy Soup): 34:43–37:10
• Fasting and Broth Tales: 49:23–53:12
• Wine Knowledge and Abstention: 55:12–66:32
• Dessert: Banoffee Pie/Baking Trauma: 70:25–83:41

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Flow, Tone, and Utility

The episode is lively, irreverent, self-deprecating and deeply food-obsessed—brimming with tangents, friendly teasing, and confessional tones. Listeners who enjoy comedic digressions and genuine food talk will relish Fern’s honesty about food, shame, friendship, and endurance. The camaraderie between Ed, James and Fern is infectious, making the episode accessible and engaging even for those unfamiliar with the show or the guests.

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Key Takeaways

• Fern Brady brings warmth, wit, and candor to her reactions to Phil Wang’s menu.
• The episode delivers a unique blend of culinary chat, friendship tales, and honest admissions about eating, cooking, and failing—both in the kitchen and in life.
• Themes include the emotional associations of food, how friendships are forged (and tested) over meals, and the tension between pleasure and guilt in both food and comedy.
• The Off Menu format is gently lampooned by the hosts and Fern alike, highlighting how even super-fans can miss the running gags.
• Fern’s deep desire for flavor and meaning in food—and her allergy to mediocrity—ties the conversation together.

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Final Menu Recap — Phil Wang's Dream Meal (as experienced by Fern Brady)

• Water: Sparkling
• Breads: Poppadoms
• Starter: Salmon roe on betel leaf
• Main: Wat Tan Hor (Malaysian eggy noodle soup)
• Side: Clear Chinese broth
• Drink: Riesling white wine
• Dessert: Banoffee pie

Fern’s verdict: “It’s making me really crave Malaysian eggy soup now.” (83:53)

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For Further Listening:

Check out Fern and Alison Spittle’s new podcast "Ignore That Feeling" (as mentioned at 06:00, 86:22), available on all platforms and YouTube.

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Transcript

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[Ed Gamble]

Well, hello and welcome to off menu, the tasting menus. James, we missed my little intros.

[James Acaster]

That's what it is now when we give a fan favorite guest the menu of another fan favorite guest.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. It's an excuse to get some people back on.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Always nice to get people back on, have a little chat. And we're very excited this week because we have a firm fan favorite back on the podcast. Our guest is Fern Brady.

[Ed Gamble]

A Fern fan favorite.

[James Acaster]

A Fern fan. A firm. A Fern firm fan favorite.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Lovely.

[James Acaster]

Well, I mean, the amount of run ups I took at it. Yeah, probably.

[Ed Gamble]

Benito. I'll edit it down so. You sound slick.

[James Acaster]

Oh, thanks, man. Really appreciate it. Of course, Fern Brady, a fantastic comedian. Writer.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Book is fantastic.

[Ed Gamble]

A hit writer.

[James Acaster]

A hit writer. What a huge success. Smash. Yes, a smash hit writer. Brilliant on Taskmaster as well. Of course, we've already had John Kearns do a tasting menu and the moment in Taskmaster where the two of them and Dara are doing that group task.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. And Jon is the saboteur.

[James Acaster]

The saboteur. Fearne is so funny throughout all that. Calls him dafty in the middle.

[Ed Gamble]

Dafty in the middle. Yeah. And Fearne is foodie as well.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Really, really likes food and enjoys talking about food a lot as well. So very much looking forward to having her back on. And we will be giving her the menu of Phil Wang. I think we've given Fern a little treat here because they're good friends, her and Phil, and they eat together a lot. And I think she will enjoy this menu.

[James Acaster]

I think their friendship hasn't been documented enough and we can be the first platform.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

To really break a lot of stories about their friendship.

[Ed Gamble]

We're looking for Scoops.

[James Acaster]

We're looking for scoops. Hopefully we'll get some hot scoops.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

About the friendship of Fern Brady and Phil Wang.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

And it's a nice menu as well. So I think Fern will like it.

[Ed Gamble]

I think it is. And you know, but you know what, it's interesting reading these menus from. From yore, because I think a lot of these menus would have changed for people. And Fearne has a brand new podcast with Alison Spittle, another friend of the pod.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Finally reunited.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yes, finally. They did a fantastic podcast. Yes. Worth of misfortune back in the day. And now they're doing a new podcast called Ignore that Feeling. And you can listen to it wherever you get your podcast.

[Ed Gamble]

And watch it on YouTube.

[James Acaster]

And watch it on YouTube, which Benito loves.

[Ed Gamble]

Very excited to have Fern back on. This is not the off menu menu of Fern Brady. Welcome back, Fern, to the Dream Restaurant.

[Fern Brady]

Thanks for having me.

[James Acaster]

Welcome back. Good to see you again.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, you too. Why is there a lamp?

[James Acaster]

So there's a genie lamp that's on there. What? Why do you think?

[Fern Brady]

Don't know. Is it the new Papa Doms or bread? I don't know. What is it now?

[Ed Gamble]

When you did the podcast the first time.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you remember? What else do you remember about it other than papadoms or bread?

[Fern Brady]

Nothing.

[Ed Gamble]

That's fair enough. That tracks.

[James Acaster]

That's fair enough.

[Ed Gamble]

James is a genie in the podcast. Do you remember that?

[Fern Brady]

Have you always been that?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, from episode one. Yeah. I was always a genie.

[Fern Brady]

Were you subtle about that? What do you mean?

[Ed Gamble]

No, he bursts out the lamp at the beginning and then normally I explain to the guest that James is a genie so he can get you any food from anywhere.

[Fern Brady]

I mean, I've listened to a lot of episodes.

[James Acaster]

You have listened to a lot of.

[Ed Gamble]

Episodes in all that the logos get.

[Fern Brady]

Past the first bit of podcasts.

[Ed Gamble]

Sure.

[James Acaster]

So the intro and that's gone.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So you don't hear that?

[Ed Gamble]

I'd say, like a lot of the artwork, there's lamps involved and James is a genie in the artwork.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

Is there?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, last time I saw you, you'd said. Because you'd been on the podcast and then you'd started listening to it, I think, and you were like, I've listened to loads now, but clearly none of. In none of them we mentioned me being a genie, which is. I think we do brand for us.

[Fern Brady]

You maybe mumbled it or something.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, maybe.

[Fern Brady]

Because I really. I think that would have stood out. So that's a central theme yeah, definitely a central theme.

[Ed Gamble]

And quite often if. If a guest hasn't heard the podcast, I'll explain that James is a genie, then quite often that leads on to conversations about genies.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, there's been a few conversations about genie law and stuff on the podcast. And, you know, because you came on the podcast and then you listened to it, did you change your mind afterwards about your menu where you're like, oh, actually, I wish I'd said this. I should have chosen this now, now I've listened to it.

[Fern Brady]

I'm not saying this today. Can you remind me of the format of the show?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm not surprised.

[Fern Brady]

And you can edit that part out if you want.

[James Acaster]

No, we'll keep that in.

[Ed Gamble]

That's all staying in.

[James Acaster]

So we ask you, like, you know, whether you want to still sparkling water, whether you want pop, what your dream starter is your dream main course, your dream dessert, your dream drink, your dream side dish. Not in that order.

[Ed Gamble]

So. But you remember that if you've listened, if you listen to loads of episodes.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, I mean, I think about the water thing a lot because I've stuck. I can only drink sparkling water now. I'll try and drink this, but I started only drinking sparkling water and now when I try and drink normal water, it's so boring in my mouth that I often just get very dehydrated until I can have some sparkling water again.

[Ed Gamble]

So you've always got it in the house. It's the first.

[Fern Brady]

Well, that's the thing. If I don't have it in the house, I then just have to drink all the other drinks in the fridge, which isn't good. So I would drink like oat milk, which I think is poison. All the non alcoholic beers first thing in the morning. Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

That's a good thing with a non alcoholic beer though, isn't it? Yeah, you can just have it first thing in the morning.

[Fern Brady]

But you know what I've got into drinking is this is really sad because I listened to that Mad's Gut Microbiome podcast. Right. And they, you know, do you say it kefir or kefir?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, Kefir. Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

Right. I love kefir. Right.

[Ed Gamble]

Kefir is an actor.

[Fern Brady]

No, but they say kefir on the podcast and they're like experts at it.

[James Acaster]

Do they?

[Fern Brady]

So I was drinking kefir before, that was like child's play kefir. And then this podcast was like, you gotta drink this. It's from a goat farm in Wales and it's like the Most powerful bacteria ever. And there's a guide on how to open it in your kitchen. Cause it explodes all over the kitchen. So I started drinking that, wondering what it's gonna do to me. And it's meant to make you feel more alive. And they were. Drink this at night, cuz you'll just be too awake.

[James Acaster]

Right. You've been having it in the mornings?

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Is it good?

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, I had it this morning and then I like ran a 5k and felt like so alive.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah. I was going to ask you about running, but that's for another day.

[Ed Gamble]

No, go for it. I don't really run anymore.

[Fern Brady]

You don't?

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[Fern Brady]

But you're so fast.

[Ed Gamble]

I do. I do CrossFit.

[James Acaster]

So fast.

[Ed Gamble]

Thanks for saying I'm so fast, though.

[Fern Brady]

There's a fly. Fly.

[Ed Gamble]

There's a small fly. There was a small fly. That's part of. That's another format point.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah. Fast and powerful. Because I did that thing where we were in big footballs years ago with Louis Anders.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah. It was one of Lou's activities. Zorb football.

[James Acaster]

We did.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah. And Ed was like really frighteningly fast and also just like knock you over really powerfully. Yes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I had a big ball on. Big ball on me. To be fair.

[James Acaster]

You were knocking Fern over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Fern Brady]

I was thinking that I was trying to do like a speed workout this morning.

[Ed Gamble]

Thinking like, are you keeping your arms as if you were in a warm.

[Fern Brady]

You meant to have your arms so that you imagine you're holding two handfuls of crisps.

[James Acaster]

What?

[Fern Brady]

That's how. That's what you're meant to do with your arms when you're running.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you know specifically crisps?

[Fern Brady]

Well, some people say a tray of drinks, but that's too stressful for me to maintain for the long run because I used to be a waitress and.

[James Acaster]

It was really bad.

[Fern Brady]

So I'd rather think of crisps because.

[Ed Gamble]

Then if you drop a few, it's fine.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah. And I think that isn't the idea that I'm trying not to crush them. So keep your hands like open.

[Ed Gamble]

What sort of crisps are you imagining?

[Fern Brady]

Just ready salted. But I'm gonna do the marathon next year and I'm really worried that I'm gonna. Because I'm very food motivated. I keep setting for my long runs. I pick a place that I want to eat in London and then run to it.

[Ed Gamble]

That's great.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Because you've got to keep eating. You've got to Eat loads to train for the marathon. So that's perfect.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah. I mean, that's not an issue for me. I like growing into toads. Do you know those guys?

[James Acaster]

No. The bakery.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Fern Brady]

And then I ran to a place that claims to be like the only place in London that does proper poutine and like proper good sandwiches. Nice American style sandwiches. Can't remember it was somewhere in East London, but it was amazing. It was like really, Especially after a long run. That was unbelievable.

[Ed Gamble]

So I think you're doing the whole long run there. You're not. It's not. You're not doing half the long run eating poutine and then running back.

[Fern Brady]

No, no, I got an Uber back.

[James Acaster]

No, yeah, of course.

[Fern Brady]

I mean, I think that was like the first time I'd run like 10 miles or something. I run 10 miles just to get poutine.

[Ed Gamble]

I think that's a great. That's a good motivator.

[Fern Brady]

It honestly does really motivate me because otherwise you get bored doing the same routes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

But yeah, I found out about that sandwich place. I found out that with Americans they do actually have better sandwiches. Americans and Canadians. And it's something. Have you heard about this?

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[Fern Brady]

It's to do with the way they like build all the layers in the sandwich and pack it and they. They just have a much better sandwich culture than the uk, which wouldn't be hard. But yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, they definitely do better sandwiches over there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Sandwiches.

[James Acaster]

I respect the sandwich more.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

They see it as an art form.

[Fern Brady]

Exactly. Like. So the plotline where Joey and friends would nearly die for his sandwich wouldn't make sense in the uk. I've thought about this a lot.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

Because no one would die for like an M and S or a meal deal.

[Ed Gamble]

Mns are like. If you're thinking about British supermarket sandwiches, they are the best. They're still like freezing cold. Like.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. In terms of super limp sandwiches. Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

Aren't they all made in the same factory, though?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, they're not made as well though. Well, as in all the supermarkets, all.

[Fern Brady]

The sandwiches are made in the same place.

[Ed Gamble]

But not with the same ingredients and stuff, surely.

[Fern Brady]

I suppose. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm thinking like a wet tuna and sweet corn boots sandwich is not. Is not comparable to an M S sandwich.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. That you can get like steak and caramelized onion sandwiches.

[Fern Brady]

The M and S one would just be in a nicer role probably. But. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Like, have a dig at M and S there. I just. What? I just Meant was like British sandwich culture in general.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

When I was younger, I read a lot of the Garfield comics, you know.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

And is that what you like?

[Fern Brady]

Lasagna? Sorry for him.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's probably where the lasagna thing comes from originally. Yeah. I wanted to be like Garfield. And there was one where Garfield and John, who's his owner, they love on a. You know, at the end of each month, making a sandwich out of everything that's in the fridge. And I remember this panel where they're, like, going, oh, if we put peanut butter down, then the peas won't roll off of the sandwich. And even though that sounds disgusting, I was as a kid thinking, I want to make a sandwich out of everything in the fridge. And that sounds like. And so I was instantly, like, really obsessed with making sandwiches with as many things in them as possible. Then very disappointed to go out into the world and not find any cool sandwiches in the UK that did that kind of thing because this American cartoon had made me think sandwiches could be awesome.

[Fern Brady]

It's turning around, though, because there's another big sandwich shop opened in London. I can't remember their name again, that are. That are trying to improve the sandwich game. If you like sandwiches with a load of stuff in them. There's an Italian style one that I made during lockdown. This was one of the only happy points of lockdown. We made it for a picnic. And it's loads and loads and loads of layers and a ciabatta or a focaccia or something. And then you put like a heavy cast iron pan on it for the night to squish all the leaves.

[Ed Gamble]

So it's just. You're literally just squishing it overnight.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

That's great.

[Fern Brady]

It's amazing.

[Ed Gamble]

Wow.

[Fern Brady]

I can't remember the name of it, but someone listening. I was gonna know what I'm saying.

[James Acaster]

Was it. Was it like meat and stuff?

[Fern Brady]

Very many layers of meat and cheese. Oh, that's. What's that? Since I've last been on this podcast, I started eating meat again. So I'm gonna go to hell.

[Ed Gamble]

That's good. That's why we got you back on.

[Fern Brady]

Well, I'll tell you how it started was tacos when I was in LA last year, because tacos in the UK are rubbish. Like. Or good ones would be hard to find and I just wanted to eat tacos every day. That was in America. Specifically the beef barrier ones.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

I can't find a good veggie version of this and they've fucked me up. Like, they really made my tummy hurt a lot. And I remember like Sara Pasco or Ramesh or someone saying years ago, if you stop eating meat for ages and then you start eating it again, your tummy's gonna hurt. Cause your body stops being able to break it down. And I just thought that was propaganda or something, but it's true.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, got you.

[Fern Brady]

I was in so much pain.

[Ed Gamble]

But you worked through that. You were like, let's just keep having the. Keep having the beef until I'm fine again.

[Fern Brady]

Do you know where you hear about people like bottoming out when they're alcoholics? So there was this night where I was in San Francisco. I'd ordered a load of tacos again, ate them, they hurt my tummy. And then I went to sleep and I woke up again at like 2 or 3 in the morning and started to eat them again even though my tummy was still sore. And I just was. I didn't know why I was doing it.

[Ed Gamble]

That's a low moment, but also a high point.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it made me think, like, I've got to stop doing this. But I haven't been able to fully cut it out since then.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but when it's good like that. I mean, I had amazing tacos in San Francisco. We walked for ages to find this place and had like the tongue tacos lengua. It was great though. No, you're not. You're not on that yet.

[Fern Brady]

No. And I hope. What I want, I've been trying to be like, oh, cauliflower tacos can be just as nice.

[James Acaster]

We're going to be giving you another guest's menu. You're familiar with the. You understand the format for this episode? Because I know that, yeah, the main episode's a bit hazy.

[Fern Brady]

John Magaly's.

[James Acaster]

Yes, he did.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Is there anyone you're hoping for whose menu we might. Might be presenting you with? You know, a lot.

[Fern Brady]

I know who I wouldn't want.

[James Acaster]

Who would you not want?

[Fern Brady]

Maybe like Alex Horn, because he seems to not be interested in foods.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's actually a really good one to do for someone else. Alex Horn.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Because it's disgusting.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah. I mean, sometimes I think it'd be cool to be a food as fuel person because it would be easy to diet then. But then also it would take like 90% of the joy out of my life.

[Ed Gamble]

Absolutely. I completely agree.

[James Acaster]

I hate it.

[Ed Gamble]

It's just be so sad all of the time.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah. It's interesting to have those people on the, on this podcast. Contrast to people that do like food.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. You want to. You want to hear what life is like for them. And every time, it just reconfirms to me that, like, that's not the way I want to live my life.

[Ed Gamble]

Because you would assume that people who don't get joy from food are forced to find joy in other places in their life, but often they don't.

[James Acaster]

No. Really?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, they just. You say, well, what gives you joy? And they're like, nothing. Walking about.

[James Acaster]

I even say that they. They. The question confuses them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

What gives you joy? They go, I don't really know what you mean.

[Ed Gamble]

Like, what is joy?

[James Acaster]

I'm just alive, aren't I? I just have to do stuff every day and wake up and do stuff. And you're like, no, no, you can enjoy these things that you have to do.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Like eat.

[Fern Brady]

Eating dinner is like, my favorite thing about touring.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you try. When you're touring, do you try and find a new place to eat when you're in a new town? Yes.

[Fern Brady]

I've actually already. I'm building up a list for this tour that I'm going on of different taco places. People have been trying to recommend barbecue places in Texas, but I'm not. I wouldn't be that fussed. No.

[Ed Gamble]

I think if you like the sort of the slow cooked beef tacos.

[Fern Brady]

But I don't want to. I want to, like, start to move back from that.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, you're pulling away from the meat.

[James Acaster]

Okay, well, then you shouldn't go to those bar.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, don't. That's like diving to heroin when you're trying to quit coke.

[Fern Brady]

I'd be more into the side dishes, like cornbread and macaroni and cheese and stuff. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So we're going to reveal now whose menu it is.

[Fern Brady]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

Today, Fern Brady, you'll be eating the dream menu of Phil Wang.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, I know him.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Fern Brady]

He's introduced me to so many great food experiences.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

But he also. We were. We went on holiday together. Right.

[Hannah Berner]

Last.

[Fern Brady]

No, two summers ago.

[James Acaster]

And just you and Phil.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, it was so weird. It was just gonna be me that went. Right. And then I said to my little brother, do you want to meet me there? Because he lives in China. And then Phil was like, oh, I'm gonna come along as well.

[Ed Gamble]

But it was just Phil invited himself. I didn't know that aspect of him.

[Fern Brady]

So it was just me and Phil for the first week. And we kept getting mistaken for a couple on honeymoon together. And I remember one night, people looking at me sympathetically Because Phil got really angry with. I'd like people's feedback on whether I did the wrong thing here. Right. So we ordered some of that nice spicy papaya salad.

[Ed Gamble]

You're in Thailand.

[Fern Brady]

In Thailand. Ordered. Yeah. Yeah. I did actually want to go before White Lotus came out. So that was the reason I've not.

[Ed Gamble]

Heard of it before then. It's my first time.

[Fern Brady]

So we got some papaya salad between us and then I put some on my plate. Then I wanted to eat the next course and my plate was covered in like spicy water.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

So I tipped the spicy water back into the salad dish. He went mental. He was like, you can't do that. That's so unhygienic. How can you. Who would even think that's an appropriate thing to do? And I was just sitting there like, what? And people were looking like that. But I can't believe she's married to him.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, you married that man. Yeah, I think it's fine to do.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Because you. You're eating chopsticks. You're not go any salad back onto the plate.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah. That's the thing is I wasn't slavering onto the plate. Also, can I just say, cuz I never brought this up to him at the time, but I don't eat that much rice, so we don't need two to three bowls of rice every time for the table. Like, he just. He thinks rice is better than it is and he's so. He's always saying that bread is a white person thing.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I've had many meals with Phil since. Since that moment.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

He eats bread. He loves bread. I think he's been turned around. I think he's assimilated himself into bread culture.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, maybe. Yeah. Because he kicks off about it. But then I'm sure I've seen him eat it a few times. But I'm pretty indifferent to rice. I only really feel like I need it if I was eating like mapo tofu. I feel like you need to have rice with that. So that's where we differ. Having said that, he's introduced me to a lot of amazing, like, new Asian food places. And he wasn't in Melbourne last year and it was really hard because basically a big group of us went to a Chinese restaurant in Melbourne and it was the type of Chinese restaurant that English people like. And like, it was all like sweet and sour chicken and like crispy beef. And just like, I'd text Phil after being like, we went to a white person's Chinese restaurant and it was disgusting.

[Ed Gamble]

And you needed him there really, to sort of.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Cause you can glance across the lazy Susan at him and nod that you.

[Fern Brady]

Were in the wrong place. There was a lazy Susan, actually. It was the worst Chinese meal I've had in years. And I just kept thinking that if Phil was here, this wouldn't have happened.

[James Acaster]

When you started the anecdote and you said Phil didn't go to Melbourne last year, that was really hard. And I thought, wow, they're such good friends. And she really missed him. Yeah. Because I went to a bad Chinese restaurant. If Phil was there, that wouldn't have happened. It's a really funny reason.

[Ed Gamble]

That's a reason to miss someone.

[Fern Brady]

No, I did because. Because it meant that people just didn't know the places to go. And when we were. When we were in Melbourne before, like, Phil would find places that we wouldn't have otherwise. Like, he took. He took me and Flo and John. That's not their actual names, but we all went to this Malaysian place that served a thing that he used to eat growing up. And I wouldn't have found it if he hadn't took us there. And then he's also more up for eating spicy foods.

[Ed Gamble]

But I'm on your side with tipping the spicy water back into the salad.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I was quite embarrassed at the time because I wouldn't think that I had bad table manners.

[Ed Gamble]

No, you don't. I think. I think that's fine to tip that back in because if anything, you're adding back to the salad.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a circular economy, but I didn't want this.

[Fern Brady]

But if you've had that salad before, especially in Thailand, the spicy water, it's gonna pollute the rest of your dinners. You can't have it on the plate.

[James Acaster]

If I go for a meal with Phil again, which I imagine I will at some point, I'm going to do a move like that and see. And see if he pulls me up on it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, well. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And if he doesn't, I'll be like, oh, that's interesting. Went after Fearne, didn't you? Pretty fast to go after Fearne on the holiday that you crashed and weren't invited on Phil.

[Fern Brady]

We also. We kept getting couples massages on the holiday and probably.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't know why people thought you were married. That's weird.

[Fern Brady]

One of the least. The least erotic moments of my life because he breathes so much during, like, I kind of just want to zone out and I'll just hear him being, like, doing these like exaggerated deep breaths next to me.

[Ed Gamble]

You do sound like you've been married for 50 years. Like his fucking breathing annoys me so much.

[James Acaster]

It's a good impression of Phil Braven. That does sound like Phil.

[Fern Brady]

It was. Yeah. So. But yeah, it was a good holiday.

[James Acaster]

Well, we'll start with some good news for you. Yeah, he chose sparkling water.

[Fern Brady]

Cool.

[James Acaster]

So that's good for you. You got that, that, you know, that you like, that you don't really like having to drink normal water. So he's instantly played into your hands.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And I think you can probably guess what he chose for poppadoms or bread.

[Fern Brady]

Poppadoms.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that was the big, the big anti bread rant came at that point.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah. So he, he put his cards on the table there. None of that will surprise you, I imagine.

[Fern Brady]

Now.

[James Acaster]

The starter, salmon roe. Oh, on drug leaf. Yeah. So we just called it drug leaf on the day. But Phil was very clear it's a hallucinogenic leaf. Oh, so it was like a drug that would like make you hallucinate. You like drugs?

[Fern Brady]

Oh, yes. Yeah, big time.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah. Really interested in psychedelics as well. But that surprises me. I don't know about having it with my dinner.

[James Acaster]

Why not?

[Fern Brady]

Because it would make it hard to talk and I'd rather not be out in public if I was hallucinating. You should be in a safe space with someone trips it in you.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Not a restaurant.

[Fern Brady]

No, but I have done that before. Wait, no. Don't wanna get him in trouble. It's not Wang.

[James Acaster]

You don't have to name the person.

[Ed Gamble]

You don't have to name the person.

[Fern Brady]

Just. I made edibles one time and forgot. I had a big birthday dinner at this like posh seafood restaurant in East London somewhere and we made them too strong. And then I remember just like sitting in silence, getting upset at this crab and not wanting to break it open and such a waste of money, just not being able to speak for hours and hours.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I feel like. Well, maybe, you know, we could say the drug leaf doesn't have big effects. I don't think Phil wanted it to have a massive effect on him.

[James Acaster]

No, it's a hallucinogenic. Just like a buzzed out.

[Fern Brady]

Just things I've never heard of that.

[James Acaster]

Maybe hallucinating a few mild things. I don't know.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't remember him wanting to be hallucinating at all. I think he might have meant a shiso leaf, you know, that's all he meant. Yeah. That's not a shiso leaf.

[James Acaster]

And We. We jumped on that and made it a drug leaf.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

How are you feeling about the salmon roe, though? That's the main constituent, salmon rose.

[Fern Brady]

Like little legs, right?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. The bigger. The bigger orange.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, like.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, yeah, like.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

I like interest in textures of foods. Yeah. So I'm fine with that.

[Ed Gamble]

I think that's good. Some people get so weird about texture and about. Especially about those salmon eggs because they. You pop them on the roof of your mouth, they go blamo.

[James Acaster]

Blamo. Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

But then don't people like that bubble tea?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Which actually, I don't like the idea of bubble tea.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah. I don't want my drinks to be textured. Well, although kefir's got a texture in.

[Ed Gamble]

It, I've never had kefir. Can you describe the texture of kefir for me?

[Fern Brady]

Well, firstly, the flavors. It's like. Imagine if you were drinking, like, fuzzy parmesan flavored vomit. Ah, it's like that. And it's got, like, lumps at the bottom, like. Oh, cheesy lumps. You look like you're gonna be puking.

[Ed Gamble]

That's really bad. And honestly, I. I'm fine with, like, weird food textures as well. But that sounds really horrible. Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

But you just put it in the. I put it in a blender with a banana and some blueberries, and it's okay.

[Ed Gamble]

And then it's just parmesan, blueberries and bananas.

[Fern Brady]

Well, the first time you drink it, you're like. And then you start to get used to it, and then you start to crave it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

And then you're fine.

[James Acaster]

So do you think if you. If you did vomit now, it would be nice for you? You would like it?

[Fern Brady]

I don't know the taste. No, no.

[James Acaster]

You might be like, oh, it's like my lovely kefir drink.

[Fern Brady]

Only if I just drank kefir.

[James Acaster]

If it's straight away.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

If you did hallucinate in a meal, if you had the salmon and the leaf did make you, what kind of stuff would you like to hallucinate during a meal that wouldn't spoil the meal?

[Fern Brady]

What kind of stuff would other. Well, I wouldn't want any of the animals like the salmon. I know the salmon would pull me up on how unethical it is.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

For salmon roll to exist. So. Not that what I would like is for the food to talk to me and say it was happy for me to eat it.

[James Acaster]

Make you feel better.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Would that make you feel better if.

[Fern Brady]

The salmon roll was like, we were. We were Born to be eaten.

[Ed Gamble]

Can you hear how creepy that sounds, though?

[James Acaster]

Because then that's like. Do you remember that news story when we. I mean, I think we're all around the same age, aren't we?

[Fern Brady]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

And when we were younger, there was that news story.

[Fern Brady]

Because you thought I was younger than you.

[James Acaster]

I did for ages.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

No, that's for ages. I was certain you were like, everyone thinks that. Younger than me.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, no, no, everyone. But I've stopped getting Botox now so that people take me seriously.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I felt that today. I'm very, very serious. Remember that story of the person, the cannibal, who put an advert in the paper?

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. In Germany.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. A huge thing when we were kids and there was the debate as to whether it was okay because the person had consented to be eaten.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Had replied to the. And it was like, yes, I would like you to eat me. It's fine. But it's still scary. It's still creepy. And I'm still not sure it was okay for the cannibal to be eaten.

[Ed Gamble]

Anything was. It's still a crime, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

That person.

[Fern Brady]

You know, it's funny you've brought this up because I've been talking about this with my boyfriend a lot recently.

[Ed Gamble]

In what context?

[Fern Brady]

It's not because either of us want to eat the other one. We were just talking about whether it's ethically okay. Because there was another. Because there was a similar story recently that I don't want to go in there because this is like quite a light hearted podcast. So I don't know if it's because I think I'm very like, pro. We should all be allowed to do what we want with our bodies. And if you are very excited that the thought of someone eating you. But then I just think it's one of those things you change your mind halfway through.

[Ed Gamble]

That's it, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's the fact that you then can't change your mind, that you're like, yes, someone's just eating my cock and bollocks.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. And if it gets to the point where I mean. Cause I presume they're just numbing your whole body up.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And you're just there being. And if you do change your mind, but they're so into it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And they just don't want to stop. That's terrifying.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, yeah. Also, don't kink shame. You're not meant to kink shame though. So aren't you meant to be like, that's great.

[Ed Gamble]

The thing is, I'd happily shame that king. I feel like we've got to draw a line somewhere, haven't we? You know, broadly. Broadly. No kink shaming. But that one, disgusting and weird.

[James Acaster]

That's going to come back on us in 20 years time where everyone's doing it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I'm going to be. I'm going to be canceled to hell for that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. And I'll be. I'll be leading that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You'Re gone. So that seems like a nice start. The salmon roe and the drug leaf. So he wants a battle leaf.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Just to update Benitez, let us know it's a battle leaf. So it's not. It's not hallucinogenic leaf.

[James Acaster]

No, it's like marijuana is what Phil said, apparently. Or what the Internet says.

[Fern Brady]

Well, I've eaten it before and I started in a Vietnamese place and I wasn't high at all.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Fern Brady]

But I think if it's just like two or three little leaves and you.

[Ed Gamble]

Were high when you went in, weren't you?

[James Acaster]

Well, the main course. It sounds like this might be what you were alluding to earlier with Flo and Joan.

[Fern Brady]

Not their names.

[James Acaster]

The wat tan hor, which is the Malaysian eggy soup that Phil likes, is a dish that he's had all his life, that he's introduced me to. That and a few of our other friends.

[Fern Brady]

It wasn't our soup.

[James Acaster]

Okay, well, this is that it's got a very thick, gravy kind of texture to it.

[Ed Gamble]

Eggy gravy. I remember when he described it on the podcast, he almost deliberately made it sound gross.

[James Acaster]

He said snotty, I think at one point. Which is like a. Fair enough.

[Fern Brady]

And it's definitely more a soup than a. Because I think the place we.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Fern Brady]

We went, I remember it being like either noodles or. Or some sort of stir fry thing.

[Ed Gamble]

Or something. I think he's obsessed with that Malaysian dish, which is like the flat rice noodles. Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

I don't. No. Well, because I've had loads of different Malaysian food when I go to Australia and that. And I remember this one being like. I was like, oh, I've not had this before and it's really tasty. And they had loads of stuff that I hadn't seen on other Malaysian menus.

[Ed Gamble]

But today you're getting the. The eggy soup.

[James Acaster]

The eggy soup. How do you feel about that?

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, great. Generally, like, I've never not trusted Phil's food choices.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

Other than the rice thing, I'm Just.

[James Acaster]

Not fussed about too much rice every time.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I agree. I mean, I agree with the rice, personally. Like, I. I only need a tiny bit of rice.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And like a big. I find it quite intimidating looking at a big pile of rice and thinking I've got to eat that and I need loads of sauce. I need like proper wet food to go on top of it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I'm not that much rice. I mean, I. I don't like it enough. I often over order because I'm worried we won't have enough food, but never in the rice department.

[Fern Brady]

I tend to under order rice in that. I'll often not even order it at all.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

And other people think it's weird because. But it's just. The last time I was on here, I talked about foods that are like a waste of time. And that's one of the ones where I'm like, it just tastes of nothing. And not in the way that bread has a comforting, nothing taste. Rice is just so pointless to me unless it's like a proper dish I like. What's that? It's like fried rice dishes are nice or anything where there's a lot of different stuff going on with the rice.

[Ed Gamble]

Just season. Just seasoned rice. Like, I mean, we went to. There's a place in Hackney now, like a barbecue pop up, which is like American style barbecue, but with like sort of Chinese flavors.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, cool.

[Ed Gamble]

One of the dishes they serve with it is just the bowl of seasoned rice. And it's actually really good with the. With the vinegar in it and stuff. Was really tasty and went really well with the super rich, like beef ribs, like Szechuan beef ribs and all of.

[James Acaster]

This stuff just called flavored rice.

[Ed Gamble]

The dish, I think it was called flavored.

[James Acaster]

Quite excited about it because it was called flavored rice.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And it was very nice.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

What was that place called again?

[Ed Gamble]

I should know that.

[James Acaster]

Great noise. Isolate that noise from a pin.

[Ed Gamble]

Uncle Hans.

[James Acaster]

Uncle Hans Barbecue. Yeah. It was very good.

[Fern Brady]

Have you been to that Korean place that's meant to. It's in East London and it's meant to be like one of the best new restaurants I think I have. And the guy that works in it, he said his dad is the best Korean chef in all of London. No, I can't remember the name of it.

[Ed Gamble]

Wow.

[Fern Brady]

I was gonna go with Phil, but they don't show what the menu is online.

[James Acaster]

So if you. If you find out about a new place that looks good. Is Phil one of your first points of contact? You phone him.

[Fern Brady]

Phil yeah, he would be one of my first points of contact, actually, because we went to this good noodle place, and I think it was like, Bethnal Green, and I usually get spicier food than Phil.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

But in this place, he ordered, like, the top level of spice for this noodle soup. So then to compete with him, I ordered that as well. And we both were, like, crying and unable to finish the food. Pier Novelli was there as well, and he'd got, like, a normal level.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

And I just felt like I'd poisoned my food. So I said about going back there again and ordering properly, but I think he found that. He said, there's some lady on Instagram who's got a list of all, like, the top spicy noodle places in London, which sounds great.

[Ed Gamble]

I love that. I always do overdo it on spice as well. In. In Japan, we went to a cocoa curry, and there's. There's a couple in London as well. I think it's like a Katsu curry place. And you order on the iPad, and there's so many different types of things you can add to the curry, and you can pick the spice level. And it went. In Japan, it goes from 1 to 20 is the spice level. And I was like, I don't want too spicy, but I'll order a 15. I was about to order it on the iPad and Charlie went, what the fuck are you doing? You cannot cope with the 15. And we'll find a 10. She would just don't do it because, like, it's proper spicy. Like, I can see that there's people around here who can handle that. It's like, fine, I'll have a seven. And then there's a video of me halfway through the seven, and I am a wreck. Like, I'm crying. I'm like, why did I do this to myself? I just saw the video again recently. I'm going to. Oh, I was gonna order a 15, and I looked on Reddit and they said, if you get over a five, it's not nice. Like, proper awful. And I'd added sausages to the curry.

[James Acaster]

I'd have done what you did, though. I would have thought, okay, so five is most people's cutoff.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

I can do two above that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

I would think that it was great. Can you imagine if you had 15?

[Ed Gamble]

It was really good. But if I don't. If I'd had 15, I wouldn't have been able to eat it. Is it like you say about poisoning the food really well?

[Fern Brady]

It's because so many places you can't get. They've toned down the spice because a lot of like western people don't like spicy foods. And actually when we were in Thailand, I struggled to get spicy enough food and I was hoping having like my fake half Asian husband with me was gonna help, which help us get the spice level up a notch. And we'd didn't like one of my mates that gone before, he said, oh, you have to ask for it Thai spicy, otherwise they'll automatically tone it down.

[Ed Gamble]

And even then are they going to give it to you Thai spicy? Because do they trust that?

[Fern Brady]

No. Yeah. We had to like say a couple of times and I really didn't have. There wasn't that many meals where I had like proper spicy food. Yeah, but it was so good.

[Ed Gamble]

It's like that taco place in La Guisados where they've got one taco where they just won't sell it to white people. Yeah, like Nish has it all the time. And I went up once and asked for or like a five level spicy of another one and they were like, no, no, I have to go.

[James Acaster]

They wouldn't give me that. Yeah, yeah, we were there froth menu and yeah, yeah, we made a little pilgrimage there. Really wanted that taco. They went, that's not gonna happen. Well, I mean they're probably right, but they won't sell it to me.

[Ed Gamble]

And that obviously one makes us want it so much.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

And then you end up buying the other ones anyway, she's gone there hungry and wanting tacos. So I got the other ones and they were delicious.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, okay, I'm gonna go.

[Ed Gamble]

It's in West Hollywood and they won't. They wouldn't sell me that taco.

[James Acaster]

No, I'll go.

[Ed Gamble]

Go down the road and buy a gun, mate. I said that and then I dropped the mic that I was holding and I walked out.

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[James Acaster]

Side dish. Clear Chinese broth.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So this was. Yeah, Phil was saying he didn't really want a side dish, but he just thinks he can't find broths enough in. In England.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah. It's so weird you mentioned this. I just had the best broth. Like, two days ago, I was in Glasgow and I had this thing twice in a week. I went to. I was with Alison Spittle, and there's a place called Stereo that. It's a vegan food place near the station.

[James Acaster]

Benito just nodded there and smiled to himself. He knows her.

[Fern Brady]

Have you been? I've been so, so many times. Go all the time. And they change the menu up a lot as well. So they had this thing called Silesian potato dumplings with broth. And it was a lovely light broth with dill flavor in it. And Alison is really into soup. She has a soup group.

[Ed Gamble]

She's on a soup WhatsApp.

[James Acaster]

She's got soup earrings.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. We talked about soup to Alison a lot, and he said, talk to soup about Alison.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, Like I one of the soup. She's into soup. I think too much. But I ordered this thinking, I bet Alison's gonna like this. And she loved it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

Everyone at the table, another comedian was there. Everyone on the table loved this broth. So I went back and got it the other day. It was great. And I did think there should be more things like this on menus. You don't. Yeah, that's why I like that place. I often get something that you don't see a lot on other menus, like, where's Silesia? What's a Silesian?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's a good point. When you said silesian is. I do this a lot in life, I was like, I should probably know what that is, so I'm not gonna ask and find out.

[James Acaster]

I, I, I literally, my brain went, yep, that's a normal thing. But then if I analyze that, it was accepting it the same way I accept information in Marvel films.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

Right.

[James Acaster]

So it was like, you know, Vibranium. Yep. Okay, I understand what that is. Silesium. Yeah. Okay, great.

[Ed Gamble]

With the broth, Phil talked so much about the broth that a chef called Tom Barnes then. Oh, yeah, then put a broth on his menu for the opening night of his amazing new restaurant, Scoff. And I think named it after Phil.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Phil was there.

[Ed Gamble]

Phil was there at the opening night. And, oh, amazing was Phil. Phil Wang's broth. And I believe a broth is still on the menu, but Phil's name has been removed.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, that's sort of.

[James Acaster]

Phil's name is in the restaurant, though. He signed a. A pillow in there.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, cool.

[James Acaster]

If you ever go there.

[Fern Brady]

Poland. That's where Silesian.

[James Acaster]

Oh.

[Fern Brady]

Love stuff comes from. So there you go.

[Ed Gamble]

That would make sense for the potato dumplings.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I love a broth as well because it's, like, super flavorsome, but.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, pun intended.

[Ed Gamble]

Super flavors. No, actually, no. It's just how good I am, I guess.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But light.

[Fern Brady]

Good with. For running as well. If you've been running a lot, it's very good having the salty broth to rehydrate you.

[James Acaster]

Have you done one of your runs to a broth shop before?

[Fern Brady]

I mean, that's not a thing, is it?

[Ed Gamble]

You could run to broth shack to stereo.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah. Wouldn't be far away enough. Well. Oh, you mean I could run from here?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. That'll be a long run, wouldn't it?

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, yeah. But you need some salty water, which is basically what. What broth is that. Just minded me. Well, I don't know whether to tell this on that. So I went. I went to this fasting clinic, right? I mean, this is the opposite of what you want to hear, because there was no eating. I went to this fasting clinic in Germany, and all you got to eat each day was a broth.

[Ed Gamble]

What the fuck?

[Fern Brady]

Because if you fast for long enough. Yeah, you fast.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't fast.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, okay.

[Ed Gamble]

I am fast. Remember?

[James Acaster]

He is fast. He's the fastest.

[Fern Brady]

You don't fast.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no.

[Fern Brady]

You don't fast with your chiseled face.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I don't fast.

[James Acaster]

The exercise is a lot. There's a lot of exercise.

[Ed Gamble]

I love breakfast too much.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, I love breakfast. That's always got in the way of a regular fasting regime. I went to this fasting place, and you got broth that was basically just hot water that had touched a carrot at some point. And then by day two of the fast, they're going, oh, do you want some herbs on your broth? And you're like, yes, yes, please put some parsley on it. And you're just desperate for anything. But I said to the nurses there, look, I don't know if I'm gonna last the full fast. This is like day two or three. And I was gonna say, can you take my Monzo card away from me? Cause I think I'm gonna run away. And they were like, no, no, you must stay on the fast if you want. We would give you half God and some casuals. I was like, right, that's not going to cut it, guys, cuz I feel like I'm witnessing my own death. Like you, you can't think, you can't watch telly, you can't read, you, you can't sleep. You also can't really be awake. It's just terrible. So I said to the nurses, are you the. I think I'm gonna eat something. And they were like, no, no, if you do break the fast break, it was something gentle, like one prune or something, because you're gonna really cause damage to yourself otherwise. And I was like, right, right, okay. And then I went down into. Because it was on a mountain overlooking like a lake and a village. Right. And I went down into the village.

[James Acaster]

When was this?

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, a couple of years ago.

[James Acaster]

Okay, sorry, carry on.

[Fern Brady]

It was as we were doing the final edits of my book. I thought, this is gonna really reset me.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Fern Brady]

So I went down into the village, went to this bakery and German bakeries are amazing. And I got this pastry that was like this big with apples and custard in it and I took a bite out of it and I went, yum.

[James Acaster]

Out loud.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, it's like a cartoon. And people were looking at me, but they weren't surprised because they obviously were like, someone's got out of the retreat again and this is happening on the regular.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, she's from the mountain.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah. I thought, I'm not breaking it with a. I did get some prunes, but then I. I like ate the whole bag of prunes. And the nurse wasn't lying. Like, it does you up if you don't break your fast properly.

[Ed Gamble]

Was this before or after Pasco and Ramesh had told you to not eat meat? After.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, like years after. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So it's just the same lesson again, really.

[Fern Brady]

It's the same again as your body's stopped making the stuff that breaks down everything.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

But when you start eating again, you just feel so euphoric. Food for days and you want to tell everyone to go on a fast, but no one believes you. So I'd love to do it again, but I think this time at the very start, I'd say put my card in the safe and don't give me any money.

[Ed Gamble]

Like it's rehab, basically.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you're not even allowed coffee.

[Ed Gamble]

You're not allowed coffee.

[Fern Brady]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

So is everyone just sort of lolling about this place, just like super low energy?

[Fern Brady]

Well, you can go on walks through the Forest with people. But they're all mental rich people, so I don't have anything to say to them. The worst bit is the first night to ease you into the fast. You eat some mashed potato with, like, a bit of cabbage or something. And you have to, like, sit with other people who are going on the fast. So they sat me with this, like, lovely old Greek man. He was massive. And he was like, every year I eat lots of feta pies on my Greek island. Then I come on the fasting retreat, then I go back to Greece and I do the whole thing again. I was like, right, that's amazing.

[Ed Gamble]

It doesn't feel healthy. It doesn't feel like the healthy way of doing things necessarily.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then I had to. I still had another, like, five days to go in the retreat and I paid my money, so I just, like, had to pretend I was on the fast. But I was going down to the bakery every day.

[James Acaster]

Every day.

[Ed Gamble]

They must have known. You're the only one with energy bouncing around, like, going, come on. On the walks. Getting everyone to run.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You got crumbs all over you.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, honestly, like, that was the thought. I was like, they must know. Cause I was coming back with, like, cakes in my backpack and stuff.

[James Acaster]

Well, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, then they're down there also. I guess they don't care. Right. You've still paid to be at the retreat, so you can just go through the motions.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah. And at the end, they give you a certificate and you get to eat, like, another plate of mashed potatoes or something. And, yeah, I felt really ashamed. I wanted to hand it back and be like. I felt like an Olympian that had been doping. Don't deserve this.

[James Acaster]

I reckon you'll be able to guess Phil's drink.

[Fern Brady]

A red wine.

[James Acaster]

It is a wine. It's a Riesling white wine.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, a Riesling.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a Riesling. I think we talked it. Phil was less into wine when we did.

[James Acaster]

He was just starting to get into wine.

[Ed Gamble]

He was just starting to get into wine. And I think even I might have suggested the Riesling to him because he wanted something to. But now, as you know, Phil's a wine boff.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Phil knows so much about wine.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah. I think he did the wines of New Zealand on Mastermind and got everything right.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I went there with him. We were. I was on the other episode.

[Fern Brady]

Oh.

[James Acaster]

I was doing History of Ice Cream, which I did not revise for.

[Fern Brady]

How did you do it?

[James Acaster]

All right, actually.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I mean, I really panicked Before I went on, had to text Ed in the dressing room being like, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Like, I can't believe I've agreed to do this. I. I haven't even revised. I don't know anything because. Yeah, they make it quite. Have you done it?

[Fern Brady]

Actually, I got offered it and decided not to because I was worried that I wouldn't do well on it. I was going to do facts about Sylvia Plath and tedious marriage or something.

[James Acaster]

The marriage specifically.

[Fern Brady]

I know more about. About their marriage than I do about her body of. What about, like, her poetry.

[James Acaster]

Anyway, what can you tell us about the Ted, Hugh, Sylvia Plath marriage?

[Ed Gamble]

Happy marriage?

[Fern Brady]

No, I mean, well, like, he was getting all this praise for his writing and then she wasn't. And then he had an affair with a woman called Asha and was going to get dark.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

But I mean, happily, after she. She died. After Sylvia Plath died, she got critical acclaim. So maybe she's watching Down From Heaven.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a nicer way to end the story.

[James Acaster]

And she went to heaven and she's now watching all the critical acclaim she's got for the Bell Jars.

[Fern Brady]

Well, he was like. Ted Hughes was like, no. Like, after she died, he was like, really guilty about having the affair.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

I know a lot about her and it's useless. So I don't know why I didn't go on Mastermind with it, to be honest. Me and Alison did Pointless and, like, actually, me and Alison were the bad people. Because AJ and Curtis got asked which 1947 film was written, directed and had this actor starring in it. Ow. Right. And they said, oprah Winfrey. And you can hear me and Alison laughing.

[Ed Gamble]

It is funny.

[Fern Brady]

It was very funny. And they were even saying to each other, they were like, oh, we say stupid things all the time. So they just got to go home after the first question.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is. The thing about doing Pointless is you're like, yeah, I didn't go out first. Then you're like, I could have been home by now.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I mean, how far did you get in it?

[Fern Brady]

We won.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Fern Brady]

Because Alison is, like, psychotically obsessed with Pointless.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Did you get a Pointless answer in the final?

[Fern Brady]

I don't really. Even though I've been on it.

[James Acaster]

I can't remember the finals.

[Ed Gamble]

Why? There's a lamp here.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I fully believe that you would not know if you won or not.

[Fern Brady]

We did. We won.

[James Acaster]

I don't know if you got the point, this answer or not.

[Ed Gamble]

Did you win?

[Fern Brady]

No. The Very final bet we didn't get that. Yeah, we got trophies.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

But, yeah, the very final bet we didn't. But, I mean, it was easier than I thought it would be. Much easier.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

It's about anticipating how stupid the British public is.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Fern Brady]

That's the premise of the show.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it really is. Yeah. Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

It seemed to be that way.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Sometimes you watch it at home and you kind of go, okay, well, my first instinct is this answer, but loads of people would have said that, so I wouldn't say it.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And then you discover that was like a pointless answer.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Because actually no one knows anything about that subject anyway or whatever, you know? And like. And I'm not. I'm not clever.

[Fern Brady]

No.

[James Acaster]

By any stretch.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But, like, there were a lot of people who seem to not get any of them on it.

[Ed Gamble]

And I really enjoyed you saying you're not clever and Fern making no attempt to.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. She said, yeah.

[Fern Brady]

No, I didn't.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

I'm saying, yes, thinking, yeah, I'm not that clever. But like, dude, I often. I've realized for a lot of my life I'm overestimating how clever other people are.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

And it's. That hasn't changed, you know, new or if anything, it just gets more frightening.

[Ed Gamble]

That's the only thing that relaxed me when I was learning to drive, because I learned. I learned to drive quite, like, late. Ish. Like, I was, like in my early 20s and I was, like, really nervous. Like, you're in charge of this vehicle. It's terrifying. And someone said to me, but think how stupid most people are. Stupid. Stupid people drive.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Right.

[Ed Gamble]

And super people don't think I'm in charge of a vehicle.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So the fact you're even thinking makes.

[James Acaster]

It scarier for me.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. It does make it.

[James Acaster]

On the road of other people who are stupid, I don't think they're in charge of a vehicle.

[Ed Gamble]

You're the worst one. You're the worst driver.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah.

[Fern Brady]

You came up during my. Because I kept asking people when I was. I only passed my test last year.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

And then I would ask other. Lots of comedians about it. You were very comforting.

[Momentus Ad Voice]

Yes.

[Fern Brady]

Then people would tell the story of, like, why James doesn't drive. And it was so harrowing and it was so. Someone told it once and it was so, like, cinematic the way they told it. And I was like, oh, God.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's pretty. It's pretty crazy.

[Fern Brady]

Was it like. The way I got told it was that you were in a car, crashed.

[James Acaster]

It I'm quite looking forward to hearing this. I haven't heard it told back to me before.

[Fern Brady]

So you crashed this car and then Henry Widecombe was driving a little way behind you in front of you.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't interrupt.

[James Acaster]

Sorry.

[Fern Brady]

So he gets out of the car and he just walks slowly towards it because he's like, I'm going to find all of my friends dead.

[James Acaster]

That is true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And then I'm sure he's got more friends.

[Fern Brady]

Then like a guy driving a tractor or something goes over to you and it's like, you fucking idiot. And then that was the moment where you were like, I will not drive again because I'm not meant to drive.

[James Acaster]

Yes. Yeah, it was. It was a lorry. As a log lorry, not a tractor.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, that's worse.

[James Acaster]

And he's. Yeah, he called me a twat, but he really suckered me in really well because he was up on the road and we would. By this point, we were down in a field. We had gone completely, so. And there was a whole sea of logs in between us and him. And he shouted down, are you guys okay? Which one's the driver? Are you okay? And I was like, oh, I'm the driver. Anyway, you're a twat, mate. And I was like, well, I fell for that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Henry. Henry walked back to the car because he said to us, because he thought, I don't want to see this, because he was in front of us. So when he saw it and he was pulled up at the side of the road waiting for us to catch up with him. So he saw the whole thing in his rear view mirror and he saw the lorry drive over the front of our car, drive over the bonnet, but he thought it had gone over the middle because obviously he couldn't see where it had driven over. So he thought, it's gone over the whole car. And then he saw it flip over the lorry and all the logs fall out and onto our car. And it looked. He said it looked like the logs were going through the car. So he's like, well, there's just no way that my friends are going to be there still. So that's why he walked back.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, my God.

[James Acaster]

And then we were just, all three of us standing there like, is the gig still on, Henry? I was still doing the gig tonight, but. Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

Did you do the gig?

[James Acaster]

Cancel the rest of the rest of that leg of the tour? Yeah. So you know there are stupid people out there who shouldn't drive.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

And I'm one of them.

[Fern Brady]

I'm all right at it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Good on you.

[Fern Brady]

I think it helps if you learn in London, though, because that's the worst it's ever going to be.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

And then everywhere else feels quite nice. Although I was driving in Manchester on tour and I didn't like that. No, no. They're pretty mad.

[Ed Gamble]

They're mad for it.

[James Acaster]

Manchester.

[Ed Gamble]

So Phil's having a Riesling. You're not really a boozer, are you? You'd rather.

[Fern Brady]

Actually, there's a really nice wine bar between my house and Phil's house and we went there because what I try and do now is not drink for as long as I possibly can and then break it with one glass of wine. And then I regret it because I've just not got a tolerance for it. And then I go back to not drinking again. So the wine has to really be worth it. Yeah. We went to this place, Joyce and Broccoli, that's what it's called. And it does loads of natural wines. But the reason it's good is because often when I break my drinking streak, I'll have the drink and be like, this wine is disgusting. And now I've broken a drink and no drinking streak for no reason.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

But this place, they let you try all the wines first to make sure you're picking the right one and it's great.

[James Acaster]

Did you shout yum?

[Fern Brady]

I did, I did. Shit. So weird you say that. I did say something that I remember. Like Phil made a little face that I was like, yummy. And then the women behind the bar, because the staff are nice there. And the women behind the bar was just like, it's okay.

[Ed Gamble]

So you said something and Phil made a crib.

[Fern Brady]

Cause I wasn't like doing the right.

[Ed Gamble]

But I don't think you two should be friends, you know?

[James Acaster]

Well, you shouldn't be married.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Worst marriage ever.

[Fern Brady]

Definitely not married. But I made a noise that wasn't like a cool way noise. I didn't go interesting.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Fern Brady]

So, yeah, I like places that let you try because I just. I had a drink last month. I broke the drinking streak. I really like this place, Sylvan in Glasgow. It's the same people that run the Hug and Pint and they do loads of like small plates are like fancy vegetables and all that stuff. But they also have a massive wine list. And I had an English Pinot Noir and I regretted that and.

[James Acaster]

Because it was English.

[Ed Gamble]

Because it was English.

[Fern Brady]

No, there's an English champagne that I like a lot. You would know it do you know what I mean?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Night Timber.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, I like that.

[James Acaster]

And doesn't scare you, though, when you're drinking English champagne, does it? No, because it's just, like, sign of just global warming.

[Ed Gamble]

It's not champagne. Yeah, just knock it on the head there.

[James Acaster]

It's not champagne, but sign of the spark. It's just a reminder of the climate crisis.

[Fern Brady]

Well, so I was thinking about the climate. I was like, let's have a positive come out of the climate crisis. The English wine scene is meant to be getting better and better. So I'll try this English Pinot Noir. It tasted like dirt from the ground, and I wish I'd just stuck with something Spanish or Italian.

[Ed Gamble]

So we're not there yet. At least we know the climate's not so bad that we've got good English Pinot Noir.

[James Acaster]

That's when we need to be.

[Ed Gamble]

That's when we worry.

[James Acaster]

Well, I mean, worry now anyway.

[Ed Gamble]

But, like, you know, we only worry when we start getting excellent Cabernet Sauvignon.

[James Acaster]

You know, it's absolute doomsday when you have a drink of English sparkling wine and go, that is the best. Oh, no.

[Ed Gamble]

By the time we got Malbec, that the whole world's on fire.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, really? So you need. It needs to be hot for Malbec.

[Ed Gamble]

Malbec tends to come from hotter, hotter climate places like South America and. Yeah, places like that.

[Fern Brady]

And then colder places make minerally wine.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. They depend more minerally. It depends on the terroir.

[James Acaster]

Whoa. What?

[Ed Gamble]

So what? The whole environment of where. Of where it's grown. So quite often wines, the vineyards that are on the coastline closest to the sea will actually be more saline and have a more mineral taste. But, yeah, I try and keep it under my hat a little bit on this podcast that I'm a total tosser. So. No.

[Fern Brady]

Well, Fel told me that you shouldn't go off the. You shouldn't go off the country. You should go off the grape.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. But that certain grapes grow better in certain countries. So, like Riesling. Well, they're growing like, nice Riesling in California and. But also in Germany and Austria as well.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, I just. But I mean, I've phoned a fabric pick. According to country, it's pretty consistent. Having said that, I was always so unfair. Like, I always thought I hated French wines. And then I had loads of nice natural French wine in Paris. Loads and lords. And they were. And they were so lovely about it as well. Last two times I've been in Paris. No, because The Parisians have that ship and. And they were. They were dead sounds.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's good. I guess if you're going to cool places where they're a bit more relaxed and sort of.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah, maybe that. Yeah. If. If I could give up wine, maybe. I said this on the last thing. If I didn't like red wine, I'd be fine to not drink.

[James Acaster]

Right.

[Fern Brady]

But it's just so tasty when you finally have a good one. It's so good.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I think it's good to, like, you know, every now and again break your fast with, like a wine fast. So, yeah, your fast. Fun. It's very confusing because you did actual. You go to fasting retreats too, but like to break it with a really good one and it's impressive that you don't then that's you drinking from then on. Because, like, for me, I'll have breaks from drinking. And then I know that as soon as I start drinking again, it's like, oh, back to normal.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, no, I don't like the feeling of my eyes rolling around my head.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay. Yeah, they shouldn't be doing that. They really shouldn't.

[James Acaster]

My eyes roll down my head.

[Fern Brady]

It's making sense that you are responding. This week, I've been trying to tell my audience this.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

And I thought everyone would know what I meant.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

I can't ever. It used to just be I could handle two glasses away. Now I can't go past one glass of wine because my eyes start moving around my head.

[Ed Gamble]

How far back are we talking? How far back do the eyes go?

[Fern Brady]

It's like I can't focus on people when I'm talking to them. And it's really embarrassing.

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[Hannah Berner]

Hi, this is Hannah Berner, co host of Gigli Squad. Let's be honest. We've all done things in our lives that may have just followed the crowd, like drinking matcha, even if you think it tastes like grass. Or pretending skinny jeans were actually comfortable. Have we been doing the same thing with Zero Sugar Cola? Last year, people across America took the Pepsi challenge. No labels, no bias, judged on taste alone. 66% of participants agreed. Pepsi Zero sugar tastes better than Coke Zero sugar and Pepsi Zero sugar won in every single market. Go out and try Pepsi Zero Sugar today. You deserve taste. You deserve Pepsi.

[James Acaster]

We're arriving at the desserts as Phil Wang's dream dessert.

[Fern Brady]

Let me try and guess.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, go on. Give you three guesses.

[Fern Brady]

Is it ice cream?

[James Acaster]

Not ice cream.

[Fern Brady]

Is it a cake?

[James Acaster]

Not quite a cake.

[Fern Brady]

Oh. Oh, no. He. He says the only thing that the British do well is puddings. So I'm gonna guess that it's something like a sticky toffee pudding.

[James Acaster]

It's not. It's a.

[Ed Gamble]

It's got an element of that Banafi.

[Fern Brady]

Is it Banoffee.

[James Acaster]

Banoffee pie, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Banoffee pie.

[James Acaster]

Yes. Yeah, There you go. That was pretty good.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that was pretty good. That was gonna be my first.

[Fern Brady]

Our first guest.

[James Acaster]

Oh.

[Fern Brady]

Because he did this guardian food thing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

And Ban off. He put. I think they like covered him in banoffee pies for it or something.

[James Acaster]

Really?

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Look it up.

[James Acaster]

Let's say this.

[Fern Brady]

Because for my one, they had bagels and that isn't my number one food.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

Of all time. I think they just thought it would make a nice picture.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Right.

[Ed Gamble]

We talked about the. Bernice found something. It's a big pile of bananas.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

He has got a slice of banoffy. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Mine was more embarrassing than that. I'm grating cheese in a guitar shaped cheese grater.

[James Acaster]

What is this?

[Ed Gamble]

It's Observer Food Month.

[Fern Brady]

You've done it.

[Ed Gamble]

How long?

[Fern Brady]

You've done it and you were like, like had that ice cream.

[James Acaster]

Oh, I did do a photo shoot, but they gave me ice cream.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Fern Brady]

So you've.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. You've done it. Oh, yeah, I've done it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I don't trust James to remember what he's done, but he's definitely done it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's looking very metal there. With a little heavy metal. She's greater. That's good.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Look up James's.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. I definitely did an ice cream one.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, I'll tell you my favorite dessert I've discovered in the last year or so. I met this Turkish chef. I think his name's Big Kaz.

[Ed Gamble]

Bighaz. Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yes. Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, my God. Knefa. Have you had it?

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think I've ever had it, you know, but I'm. It's the shreds of pastry. Right.

[Fern Brady]

You get it's. Yeah, it's a little bit like. A bit like baklava. But a different texture, but it's got this sweet mozzarella type cheese in the middle and it's amazing. It's like my favorite. Sorry, my tummy's rambling.

[Ed Gamble]

I can hear it.

[James Acaster]

Got the first. You might be the last fern.

[Fern Brady]

I have to eat it. And when I. I did the London, bit of mature in West London and they've got much better, like Lebanese and Middle Eastern food compared to where I live. And I got a load of Knefas. No one else was that excited about it. Like, I got one for my tour manager, one for me and then one for my boyfriend that I then also ate the next day.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm sure he understood that that was the deal.

[Fern Brady]

Well, he was just like, oh, this is just. He was like, it's fine, it's not that good.

[James Acaster]

It's so gutting, isn't it, when you discover something that's amazing.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And you want to introduce it people to people who, you know, mean something to you or you make, you know, try these and they go, yeah, it's all right.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And for one, I've never had the guts to really do that. If I'm on the receiving end of that. If someone else says to me, you've got to try this stuff, it's so good.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And I think it's just fine. I'll at least upgrade that to, oh, yeah, that's really tasty.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I won't go, it's all right. And completely crush this thing that they love.

[Ed Gamble]

James is currently having a long distance argument with his fake Asian husband, Nish, because Nish is traveling around America and James keeps recommending him places to go and Nish either goes to them and doesn't say anything about the food he ate or he doesn't. He ignores the recommendation.

[Fern Brady]

But doesn't Nash have Nando's for every tour date?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, but good luck in America.

[Ed Gamble]

See, I do that when I'm in the UK quite a lot.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Fern Brady]

You know, I read that it's that Nando's as the live laugh love of the food world.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, Yeah, I can totally get on board with that. And you know what? I live. I laugh, I love.

[Fern Brady]

Don't. But is it because. But what? Because you can. For me, the best bit of tour is that I might find a new tasty food place.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, it's the best.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But there is also that thing around the UK where if you can't. I definitely try. Like when. When we're on the way in to the actual city itself, I'll Google where the best place to eat is. Try and find somewhere. But if you can't, Nando's is always there as a little.

[Ed Gamble]

That's always the same.

[Fern Brady]

But the food scenes got so much better across the rest of the uk, like because when I started touring I would go to places and just be like, I'm just gonna go to a supermarket and get stuff for my dinner. Whereas this tour, like, oh, the best Thai food. Sheffield and Nottingham have this Thai, not a chain. There's a place that has like two restaurants. I can't remember the name of it. Sure.

[James Acaster]

I think I know what you mean. I think Nottingham. I've been to a really good Thai place as well.

[Fern Brady]

It's. It's definite going to be this one. I couldn't believe how spicy it was.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

And like a lot of Thai takeaways you get in the UK are too sugary. And this tasted like proper Thai food.

[Ed Gamble]

I think I have been to one in Nottingham like that actually. Maybe I went to. I went to a place in Bath as well that did Thai, like good Thai street food. Zap.

[Fern Brady]

Zap.

[James Acaster]

Zap.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I've been to Zap.

[Fern Brady]

I was so happy when. Cuz I did Nottingham and then I did Sheffield like a month later and I found out that they had a branch Zap there as well. And I was like, like this is amazing.

[Ed Gamble]

You go in and there's like rickshaws everywhere and stuff. Like it's quite a mad interior.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, I haven't been in. I just ordered it because the. It was because the door staff recommended it. Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I went to a place in Bath. I don't know, I don't think it was a Z up but I sort of ordered just quickly and then everything arrived and it turned out I'd ordered just three soups basically. Oh no, quite sort of broths.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Alison spittle jumping for joy.

[Ed Gamble]

Spicy broth. She wouldn't have been after this. So I ate all the broths really quickly, went off to do the gig. I'd say 10 minutes before I went on. The worst diarrhea I've ever had in my life.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, no.

[Ed Gamble]

And I don't think this was an issue with the food. I think it was my selection of the food. My body was just screaming at me going, why? We just got loads of spicy water. And it was funny though, man. It's the only time I've ever been ill and laughing out loud at the same time. My tour manager was going, ed, you do on you on stage. We got clearance we're ready to go. I go, I've got clearance, mate. And I'm laughing out loud while I'm.

[Fern Brady]

That's lovely. Even your diarrhea is wholesome. Just like laughing away.

[James Acaster]

Funny, funny. Old times.

[Ed Gamble]

Good gig of my life as well. When I went on.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Fly.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah. Cuz you've done a lot of po. What you did there was. You accidentally did a detox thing called a saltwater flush, I think.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

Which they do in the fasting world where you drink a load of salty water.

[Ed Gamble]

There you go.

[Fern Brady]

And it makes you poop. That's what you've done to yourself by having all the broth.

[Ed Gamble]

I did a cheaper version of going up a mountain in Germany.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So how do you feel about the menu that we bought you two years ago?

[Fern Brady]

Oh, great.

[James Acaster]

Sparkling water, the poppadom salmon roll and drug leaf, the Malaysian eggy soup, clear Chinese broth. Reason white wine and the banoffee pie, which haven't really talked much about the banoffee pie. Would you like that? You enjoy.

[Fern Brady]

Deliberately skipped over the banoffee pie thing because I made it that when I make. When I bake something and it goes wrong, I carry the shame with me for years. Like a Japanese businessman that's let down the whole company. That's how I feel.

[James Acaster]

Okay. So, I mean, that's oddly specific.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah. Yeah. Every year my. My boyfriend's pals have this Christmas party. It's like all Irish people in London. And one year I said, I'm going to make a banoffee pie for it.

[Momentus Ad Voice]

It.

[Fern Brady]

And I made the caramel wrong and it was like rock hard and it just wasn't right. I mean, they were all dropped like they wouldn't even remember this. No one remembers this apart from me. But every year since, my desserts have had to get more and more exciting and more and more perfect. Sometimes I bring two desserts because I just feel so ashamed. That time. I haven't been baking since Bake off traumatized me. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Join the club.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Fern Brady]

But you weren't good at it. You weren't good at bacon when you went on it.

[James Acaster]

Correct.

[Fern Brady]

I was good at baking.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

And then Paul Hollywood criticized like the size of my buns and said that they weren't all uniforms, shape and size.

[James Acaster]

Immature of me. So.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's funny though.

[James Acaster]

Sorry.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, right. Yeah. Like bombs, bomb or boobs.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Apologies for laughing at that. Criticizing your buns.

[Ed Gamble]

Funny. Fair enough.

[Fern Brady]

And he said, like, it almost tastes like a pretzel. And I was. I Just took that. I don't think he meant it negatively, but. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Does he know that? Does he know that he's. What he's actually done is affect your future confidence in baking.

[Fern Brady]

I don't care. Like, I mean, the end of my current tour show is about Bake off and what. What dark program it is.

[James Acaster]

Did you find it to be quite a dark experience? I found.

[Fern Brady]

I actually watched a clip of you afterwards.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

No, I really like the crew because Sam from. Yeah. Yeah. So when I finished filming, I went back to the hotel and then I was like. Because I hadn't watched Bake off, never mind the celebrity Bake Off. So that was. That was where it went wrong, just having not watched it. It at all. And then I looked up comedians on Bake off and your clip came up and you were like, getting everything wrong and being silly.

[Ed Gamble]

And I was like, that's a good impression.

[Fern Brady]

But that was when I was like, oh, I've. I've fucked this. Like, I've done this so wrong. Because I. I kept getting confused because, like, Dermot o', Leary, who's a really nice man, kept coming over to be like, oh, how are you getting on, Ferret? And there must be something in the show where you're meant to stop baking and chat. And I just was like, go back to your island. Like, I'm trying to. And then the other guy, Greg James, would like, call over to me, how are you getting on? And I just didn't know why people kept trying to talk to me, because I wanted to just bake and bake and bake. And then Mel B. Who I idolized as a child, literally have a hole in my tongue from getting my tongue pierced to copy her when I was a teenager. And Mel B. Kept. It was almost like a hallucinogenic type situation. She kept coming over being like, fern, how do I turn my blender on? And I'd be like, go away, please let me just keep baking. But you're not meant to do that.

[Ed Gamble]

I expect you to do a little bit of chat, maybe just because of the chat.

[Fern Brady]

Excruciating. I just. And then the. No. Fielding was like, oh, you're. You're the only person that's come on this and wanted to talk about yeast and whether you've killed off your yeast. And people kept, like, hinting at me that I was getting the tone wrong. Yeah, but it's only two days, so.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, it's two days once you've committed to that. The first. Yeah. The second day I had to Retake all of my talking head bits from the day before. Oh, yeah, they said we're gonna have to do all of those again.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. And cheer up this time.

[James Acaster]

And can you, can you just keep it a bit light and remember that this is for charity. We're trying to raise some money here.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Don't just stand there going, no one should ever bake. This is. This is the worst thing.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, fair enough.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Saw it from my point of view.

[Ed Gamble]

Obviously, that point of view pops up a lot.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Ed Gamble]

And it popped up again for me, I think, today or yesterday. And, you know, there's all these people who do impressions of you online and they're insane.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Just like completely over the top. Yeah. They're all basing it on that clip. Because in that clip you genuinely sound like all of those impressions. You're way higher. I don't know what's happened to you on Bake Off.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Your voice is so much higher than it is now.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's like you went through puberty after that clip.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, well, I, I was. I was going.

[Ed Gamble]

It is that.

[James Acaster]

I was going insane. I was jet lagged. I was all over the place. I didn't know what I was doing.

[Fern Brady]

I wish I'd gone on and baked things in a bad way, but I couldn't.

[Ed Gamble]

No, you got to be committed to it if you want to do it.

[James Acaster]

I got to try.

[Ed Gamble]

I went on, I went on, just baked, baked my heart out. It wasn't good enough. But no, I'm not really a baker. I wouldn't bake for fun, but obviously it's like based in cooking and I'm competitive, so I was like. I did practice it a lot.

[Fern Brady]

Yeah. I mean, I, I really genuinely. I wasn't able to bake after. For a long time after because I would just look at my things that I made and think, oh, they're not a uniform size and shape. And have Paul Hollywood's words echoing in my head.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you so much for coming back to the dream restaurant, Fern.

[Fern Brady]

It was a pleasure.

[Ed Gamble]

It's been delightful hosting you again.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

And we hope you enjoyed Phil Wang's menu. And congratulations. We selected a nice menu for you that we thought you'd actually like.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Fern Brady]

Oh, I did. It's making me really crave Malaysian eggy soup now.

[Ed Gamble]

Fantastic. Brilliant. Thank you so much to Fern for coming back on the pod.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. We learned so much more about Fern, about Phil, about Fern and Phil.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

And that's not.

[Ed Gamble]

Not Fern. Britain and Phil Scofield.

[James Acaster]

No, no. We've learned too much about one of them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

That we wish we hadn't learned. I think Fern enjoyed that menu.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, I think she did. And, yeah, it was great to hear about the fasting retreat. Good to hear about another nightmare Bake off appearance.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I really feel a lot slight. And she said she doubts that it doesn't know if Paul Hollywood will be able to remember it. Yeah, he won't.

[Ed Gamble]

He won't remember.

[James Acaster]

We know that.

[Ed Gamble]

He didn't remember you.

[James Acaster]

He didn't remember. He goes, I remember you didn't do too well. I don't really remember what the thing was. Are you kidding me? Worst day of my life, to be fair.

[Ed Gamble]

Fearne also asked why there was a lamp here and what the original format of the podcast was and also said she listens to, like, loads of episodes.

[James Acaster]

She definitely listens to loads of episodes. You know, that's not something she just said to be nice. In the past, she listened to loads and never once clocked that it's a dream menu and that there's a genie involved. So, like, you know, did we not.

[Ed Gamble]

Make that obvious enough?

[James Acaster]

I thought we had. Maybe we need to focus on our branding.

[Ed Gamble]

Let's not dress it up, man.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, we really need to go hard on the branding. Benito's holding his laptop like he's going to show us something. Oh, there's me with some ice cream.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, we finally saw your. Is it Observer Food Monthly or was it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, I've got some ice creams there. There's a bright yellow one, but I think they might have even been sorbets. I definitely ate all of it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, well, you've got to because, you know, you get the pictures and then it's just melting. Right.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Put two ice creams in the bin and go home. There's a blood orange one there and like a lemon sherbet one. Yes, delicious.

[Ed Gamble]

That's a nice photo.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's quite nice photo.

[Ed Gamble]

I feel like all the bananas.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's what Benito says.

[Ed Gamble]

Benito just said, fillet all the bananas.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, he's smiling to himself now. He's laughing to himself.

[Ed Gamble]

Benito is his own biggest fan.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's a good, Good way to be. It's a good way to be.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You know, but. But also, like, he's his own biggest fan but doesn't expect anyone else to be. So doesn't include himself in the podcast.

[Ed Gamble]

No, Just quietly will smile and laugh to himself.

[James Acaster]

He's just said a lot of self awareness there to be like, I love it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But I don't think it's like gonna necessarily translate to everyone. So I will not include it in the podcast. But I will enjoy it. Maximum amount every time.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Which is quite sweet.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. And don't forget that Fearne is doing a brand new podcast with the wonderful Alison Spittle. It's called Ignore that Feeling. It's available wherever you get your podcast from. And indeed watch it on YouTube. And watch us on YouTube. Thank you very much for listening. We'll be back with something next week. Bye bye.

[James Acaster]

Goodbye.

[Hannah Berner]

Hi, this is Hannah Berner, co host of Giggly Squad. Let's be honest, we've all done things in our lives that may have just followed the crowd, like drinking Matcha. Even if you think it tastes like grass or pretending skinny jeans were actually comfortable. Have we been doing the same thing with Zero Sugar Cola? Last year, people across America took the Pepsi challenge. No labels, no bias. Judged on taste alone, 66% of participants agreed. Pepsi Zero sugar tastes better than Coke. Zero sugar and Pepsi Zero sugar won in every single market. Go out and try Pepsi Zero Sugar today. You deserve taste. You deserve Pepsi.

[Momentus Ad Voice]

If you're the purchasing manager at a manufacturing plant, you know having a trusted partner makes all the difference. That's why, hands down, you count on Grainger for auto reordering. With on time restocks, your team will have the cut resistant gloves they need at the start of their shift. And you can end your day knowing they've got safety well in hand. Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

[Fern Brady]

We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Stiles McKenzie helping you make those rooms sing. Today's style tip. When it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals. Go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table. From wayfair.com Fierce, this has been your.

[Grainger Ad Voice]

Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior.

[Fern Brady]

Wayfair Every style, Every home. Hey, I'm Alison Spittle. And I'm Fern Brady. And you might remember us both from our episodes of Off Menu. I think in my episode, I got very angry when I ordered toast in a restaurant and was presented with hot bread. Bread. And then told that that was the nature of sourdough, that it simply doesn't toast as a bread. And I said that I take it in the hand and the mouth like communion. Did you? I did. That kind of brings us on to the topic of our new podcast, Ignore that Feeling, a show by two ex Catholic girls who have never learned to acknowledge a single emotion, ever. And the podcast is out every Tuesday starting Tuesday 10th February, so please listen and subscribe.