Guz Khan

Summary

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster: Guz Khan

Episode Release Date: January 28, 2026
Podcast Description: Comedians Ed Gamble and James Acaster invite special guests into their “magical restaurant” to choose their dream meal—starter, main, side, dessert, and drink—in a feast of laughs, food talk, and wild tangents.

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Episode Overview

This episode welcomes comedian and actor Guz Khan—a multi-talented creator best known for his sitcom “Man Like Mobeen” and new show “Guz Khan’s Custom Cars” on Quest. Food, friendship, childhood, culture, cars, and living life “on the edge” all make appearances as Khan constructs his ultimate meal, complete with side orders of unexpected wisdom, infectious laughter, and tales from both his work and family life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Intro and Banter (03:09–06:11)

• Ed and James joke about peanut butter cups as metaphors for the podcast.
• Brief intros for Guz Khan: comedian, actor, and presenter.
• They reference “Science of Home Alone,” a show both Guz and James worked on.
• Guz’s upcoming TV projects are plugged, especially his car show.

Pokemon Cards: Cash, Culture, and Childhood (06:11–13:00)

• Guz’s Surprising Hobby: Guz collects high-value Pokémon cards and discusses the subculture at conventions.
• Money in Play: “Some of these individual slabs...six, seven grand a slab.” (07:54)
• Teaching Kids About Business: He uses Pokémon cards’ fluctuating value to teach his children about profit, loss, and greed.

  “My kids...there’s loads of profit in this. Should we sell it? And they’re like, no, let’s wait till it goes to 50 grand. Greedy little fox.” (12:10)

• Cultural Commentary: Guz jokes about potential "money laundering," reflecting on the intersection of street culture and card trading.
• Parental Fears: Guz is concerned about gambling being promoted to kids via influencers.

Cars, Car Culture, and Financial Regrets (13:00–21:15)

• Ed’s Moldy Ford Focus: Ed describes scrapping his car due to mold—a decision met with Guz's mock horror.

  “For people who do like cars who may be listening, that is sinful, bro. Because that's cash money you've just thrown in.” (16:49)

• Guz’s Car Upbringing: Growing up in poverty made loving cars a distant dream.
• James’s Wrecks: James admits to writing off three cars between 18 and 25.

  “I wrote off three cars.” (19:44)

• Banter about Guz’s new car show and naming conventions.

Culture, Food, and Family (21:15–33:10)

• Pokémon Burners & Two Phones: Running gag about Guz having two phones for different purposes.
• Water Preferences: Guz prefers still water, viewing fizzy as pretentious.

  “Sparkling water feels to me like trying to show off. Because how does water come out?” (22:23)

• Banter with Morgana Robinson about water choices.
• Bread and Sugar: Guz reflects on losing three stone, the hidden sugar in breads, and the role of naan (esp. peshwari naan) in Pakistani food.

  “Bread is bad, but I do love it. Bread is bad, but I love it.” (28:59)

• Late-Night Eating for Comedians: Discusses the unhealthy eating habits developed as touring comedians.

Living Impulsively: Moving to Tokyo? (33:10–37:17)

• Impulsivity as a Virtue: Guz describes his instinct to live boldly—planning to move his family to Tokyo for adventure and cultural experience.

  “Me and my wife need to get a long time. And I was just like, yo, before, it's game over... let's do as much fun stuff as possible.” (35:25)

• Reflection on how quickly time passes (“we were all in Year 11 one minute ago”).
• Discussion of large families, cultural expectations, and global travel.

Food Sharing, Boundaries, and Friendship (44:04–51:03)

• Social Eating: Guz loves communal eating, especially with his children.

  “I think food tastes better when you're chatting and in it.” (45:12)

• Different Attitudes: Ed is possessive about his food; Guz finds spontaneous food sharing a sign of real friendship.

  “I think in my heart I'll be like, we're not really friends. If we're really friends... you’d be able to take food off my plate.” (49:16)

• Anecdotes about eating on tour, sharing food, and even being invited to Eid meals.

Allergen Revelations (55:51–61:00)

• Unexpected Allergies: Guz discovers allergies to pineapple, ginger, hazelnuts, dal (lentils), and milk (except camel milk).

  “I said, mom, you said, I didn't want to eat your doll all them years because my body was repulsed by it. It wasn't me. My body was rejecting your doll.” (57:57)

• Discussed the stigma and challenges of food allergies within cultural/family expectations.

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Guz Khan’s Dream Meal

Water (21:14, 67:56)

• Still Water (or plain fluids)
  • Preference for “water as it comes” (23:04).
  • Dabbled with the idea of orange juice or mango lassi, but ultimately chooses water or a traditional Pakistani dessert drink.

Bread (Starter) (26:35–28:59)

• Peshwari Naan
  • Described in detail: naan with desiccated coconut, sultanas, and honey, toasted in tandoor and finished with butter.

  “You chop it in half, put in desiccated coconut, kishmish [sultanas], honey, back in the tandoor, more honey on… Bread is bad, but I do love it.” (28:01)

Starter (42:26)

• Hot Honey Chicken Tenders (with masala fries—Tanzanian mogo chips/cassava sometimes)
  • “Deep fried tenders drizzled in hot honey...in the Middle East, Lebanese style. Tasty, bro, next level.” (42:27)

Main Course (51:03–54:59)

• Tandoor-Style Chicken Shish Kebab, Mutton Chops, Lamb Chops (with Rice)
  • Pakistani/Iranian/Afghani cuisine—juicy, spiced, cooked various ways.
  • Emphasis on authentic prep, flavour, and eating with hands.

  “Those clean, juicy meats in a shish tandoor style with, like, a clean rice… that’s my mains.” (52:57)

Side Dish (62:52–67:53)

• More Fried Chicken
  • Specifically: chicken thighs/wings deep-fried, seasoned (sometimes with Tanzanian spice blends), as an “essential” accompaniment—even if more chicken featured above.
  • “Let’s just call it more fried chicken. That’s what I’m going for… half a chicken, fried…” (66:16)
  • Clarifies he’s sharing all, reflecting communal eating style.

Drink (67:53–70:55)

• Faluda (Traditional Pakistani dessert drink)
  • Creamy, rosewater-based drink with kulfi ice cream and vermicelli noodles.

  “Faluda is ice cream cream. Rose water. It is an unbelievable drink… you get straw with it, you get a spoon as well…” (69:02)

  • Initially says water, then elaborates on this exuberant choice as his “dream” drink.
• Alternately mentions mango lassi, but picks faluda for the dream factor.

Dessert (72:56–74:41)

• French Toast Loaf with Four Homemade Rasmalai (from The Farmhouse, Coventry)
  • French toast loaf: crispy on the outside, pillowy inside, topped with homemade rasmalai.

  “Rasmalai is like a pillow of sweet heaven… he puts the rasmalai on top of the loaf of French toast, as the milk drizzles over... that is the baddest boy dessert I’ve tried in many, many years.” (73:40)

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Noteworthy Quotes & Moments

• On food sharing and friendship: “If we’re really friends, you’d be able to take food off my plate… but it works vice versa.” – Guz Khan (49:16)
• On unhealthy eating habits: “You want something? You know what I mean? This is what I found myself in, the sticky situation.” – Guz Khan (31:55)
• On impulsive living: “Me and my wife need to get a long time...[before] it’s game over. Let’s do as much fun stuff as possible.” – Guz Khan (35:25)
• On food allergies: “My body was rejecting your dhal… Allergic to milk as well, but not camel milk.” – Guz Khan (57:57, 59:41)
• On Peshwari naan: “Bread is bad, but I love it.” (28:59)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:09 – Show intro, Guz’s background and new projects
• 06:11 – Pokemon card culture, money, and parenting
• 13:00 – Cars, scrapping Ed’s car, Guz’s motoring show
• 21:14 – Water “as it comes”, still vs sparkling
• 26:35 – Bread: Peshwari naan and sugar in diets
• 31:44 – Late-night eating and health as comedians
• 33:10 – Impulsive living: Tokyo plans, children, “edge” of life
• 42:26 – Starters: Hot honey tenders and mogo fries
• 51:03 – Dream main: tandoori dishes, rice, methods
• 55:51 – Allergens: lentils, milk, pineapple, Ferrero Rocher, camel milk
• 62:52 – Side dish(s): more fried chicken
• 67:53 – Drink: Faluda, mango lassi, plain water
• 72:56 – Dessert: French toast loaf with rasmalai
• 77:03 – Menu recap, closing laughs, invitations, social plans

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Tone and Style

• The tone is warm, frank, and irreverent—lots of affectionate ribbing, deep laughter, “mate” camaraderie, and food-driven nostalgia.
• Guz Khan is both candid and thoughtful, blending serious insights with cheeky asides.
• Ed and James infuse the chat with their signature surreal asides and lively banter.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a joyous celebration of food, family, and impulsive adventures. Guz Khan brings both comedy and authenticity, building a menu rich in culture, texture, and heart—while exploring how what we eat, how we share it, and how we live is never just about the food. As James summarized: “That could have gone on for hours and hours and hours.” (78:40)

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Guz Khan’s Full Off Menu Order

• Drink: Faluda (rose water, kulfi ice cream, vermicelli) (69:02)
• Bread: Peshwari naan (28:01)
• Starter: Hot honey chicken tenders with masala fries/mogo chips (42:27)
• Main: Tandoor-style kebabs—chicken shish, mutton chops, lamb chops with rice (52:57)
• Side: More fried chicken (thighs/wings), with spice blends (66:28)
• Dessert: French toast loaf topped with homemade rasmalai (73:39)

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(For all episode details and more menu inspirations, visit Off Menu’s official platforms.)

Transcript

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[Guz Khan]

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[Ed Gamble]

Welcome to the off menu podcast. Taking the peanut butter of conversation, enrobing in the milk chocolate of humor, letting it set in the fridge of podcasting. You got yourself peanut butter cups. Podcast. James in Robin. In Robin. Come on.

[James Acaster]

That is Ed Gamble. My name is James Acaster. Together we own a dream restaurant. Every single week.

[Ed Gamble]

I love peanut butter.

[James Acaster]

Every single week, we invite in a guest that we ask in their favorite ever. Start at many course dessert.

[Ed Gamble]

They're gonna kill me.

[James Acaster]

I think side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week our guest is Guz Khan.

[Ed Gamble]

Guz Khan is a wonderful comedian, writer, actor, presenter. Is it everything? I mean, goodness. We're gonna talk to him about something. He's presenting. The guy does everything.

[James Acaster]

It's absolutely everything.

[Ed Gamble]

He presented a show with you about what happens if Home Alone was real.

[James Acaster]

How would you survive the traps?

[Ed Gamble]

And did they. Spoiler warning. They're both on this episode.

[James Acaster]

Hey, I know some people who watch that every Christmas. Science of Home Alone.

[Ed Gamble]

I. Look, I'm not having a go at it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Classic show.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you mean they watch Home Alone, though?

[James Acaster]

No, they watch.

[Ed Gamble]

All right.

[James Acaster]

The Science of Home Alone.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Who's doing that?

[James Acaster]

Me and cuz, my nephews.

[Ed Gamble]

James. Gus is presenting a new show.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Called Gaz Khan's custom cars on Quest. On quest Mondays at 9pm He's a petrol head. He's a total petrol head. He loves cars. And you and I are both petrol heads, of course, as well. So we'll probably talk to.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, we'll probably.

[Ed Gamble]

Probably won't even get to the food today. We'll be talking to Gus too much about petrol.

[James Acaster]

How much? We're driving and popping wheelies.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Talking about, oh, what do you like better? BMW or Mercedes for all for it.

[James Acaster]

But we might not even get on to talking about cars. If God says the secret ingredient, we got to kick him out. The restaurant gone.

[Ed Gamble]

He's. He's gone if he says the secret ingredient. And the secret ingredient today is mo beans. More beans.

[James Acaster]

Mo beans.

[Ed Gamble]

Cuz did a very funny show.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Sitcom that he wrote and starred in called man like mo bean. Yeah, Mo bean. More mo beans. More beans.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. So he can have beans.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

If he ask for more beans, you.

[Ed Gamble]

Can'T have any movie.

[James Acaster]

You can't have any mo.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So watch out for that.

[Ed Gamble]

Watch out for that. Hey, watch out for me. If you live in America.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, you better watch out for Ed Gamble. He's coming your way.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm coming your way. I am doing an American tour from sort of middle of February through till the beginning of March. Going all over the place. A lot of shows are sold out or are selling out. But go on to edgamble.co.uk for details. I'm hitting up a lot of the big cities.

[James Acaster]

Funniest show ever.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, thanks.

[James Acaster]

Benito's feeling ill.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm feeling ill.

[James Acaster]

I'm on top of the world. Let's do this.

[Ed Gamble]

This is the off menu menu of Guzk. Welcome, Guz, to the Dream restaurant.

[Guz Khan]

Yes, thank you for having me.

[James Acaster]

Welcome Guz Khan to the dream Restaurant. But it's been here for some time.

[Guz Khan]

This is a very nice place. Cozy.

[James Acaster]

You like it?

[Ed Gamble]

It is cozy, isn't it? It used to be the setup was there was a table and stuff, but we got rid of the table and you're like, no, A lot of wood.

[Guz Khan]

It's a lot of wood.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It's a bit scandi.

[Ed Gamble]

Scandi vibes.

[James Acaster]

And like Bonito looks quite scandi, would you say?

[Ed Gamble]

It's quite scandi, yeah.

[Guz Khan]

You shoot the space is, I think is what we're trying.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, Very much. Very much. I'm unsure what that is behind Bonito's. It sort of looks like it should be shelves, but there's nothing on them.

[Guz Khan]

I would have an appropriate use for that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

It is a Pokemon PSA card holder. Oh, your Pokemon cards. Off.

[Ed Gamble]

Are you into the Pokemon cards?

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, yeah. Do you not like that?

[James Acaster]

No.

[Guz Khan]

People say that it's disappointing. I don't know why the perception is that I wouldn't be into Pokemon cards.

[James Acaster]

Pretty cool guy. Pokemon's not seen as Pokemon cards are.

[Ed Gamble]

Cool now, I think.

[Guz Khan]

I think so. And there's also large amounts of monetary value involved in the world of Pokemon and Pokemon cards.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Guz Khan]

Money laundering.

[James Acaster]

What's your most expensive?

[Guz Khan]

No, no. Swear down. Not even lagging it, bro. You turn up, right? So I've been to a few of these shows.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

And you turn up at a table and I was expecting like, I don't know the name Philip. Yeah, yeah. And he's got. I was badging that maybe he's doing like some Pokemon cosplay.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, bro.

[Guz Khan]

There were man them behind these tables, like.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

So what are you looking for then, cuz? And I was like, first of all, where you come from? He's like, why are you asking me where I'm from? Where the you come from? So. And it's all cash transactions, right there's no card transactions. And some of these individual slabs which could be very easily placed in there. Like six, seven grand a slab.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Guz Khan]

I didn't have the money, but I'm just looking at mandem. They're big guys, bro.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Just like. Yeah, no, I'll shake your hand at 18k Pokemon.

[Ed Gamble]

You have to say Pokemon.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. What's your most expensive card you got?

[Guz Khan]

The individual card?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

About two and a half grand.

[James Acaster]

And what's on. What is it? Charmander.

[Guz Khan]

Good guess. It's. It's not a Charmander, it's a Poncho. Pikachu.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. He's just wearing a poncho and yeah. Bear Japanese writing on it. But so I've got that. I think it's two and a half grand. It might be a bit more now. And there's another one called the Van Gogh Pikachu. And it's just. He's been painted like a Van Gogh off style. Van Gogh. Van Gogh.

[Ed Gamble]

I think I've said both in my life.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Which one's right? Yeah, yeah.

[Guz Khan]

What I'm saying is like, if you missed the boat on this Pokemon Fe.

[Ed Gamble]

It'S too late now, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, we've missed the boat.

[Guz Khan]

You missed a boat.

[Ed Gamble]

If you. If you're hearing about an investment opportunity from someone, it's too late to get involved, I think.

[Guz Khan]

Do you think so?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

No, that's definitely you.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, 100%.

[Guz Khan]

I. I believe it's me. But to be fair to me. Yeah, it's. It sounded like it's from a phone that I forgot was in my pocket.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

So I have two phones.

[Ed Gamble]

That's your Pokemon Burner.

[Guz Khan]

This is the Pokemon Burner? Yeah, this is the one that I put on silent.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

My mom calls me on this one and this one is. I don't know really who this is for.

[James Acaster]

You don't know who that phone is for?

[Guz Khan]

No, not really. But it's on silent now.

[Ed Gamble]

So what was the. Did someone message you there?

[Guz Khan]

They did.

[Ed Gamble]

So someone knows what that phone's for?

[Guz Khan]

Someone knows.

[James Acaster]

But I'm incredibly guilty right now because this is like.

[Guz Khan]

I feel like I over share a lot. I shouldn't have overshared about the mandam. If that's how they clean their drug money. Just enjoy yourselves, boys, through Pokemon. If that's how they do it.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Why am I telling their story?

[James Acaster]

So now your burner phone's gone up, suddenly you're not judging people from what nefarious stuff they might be doing? You know what let's just live and let live, guys.

[Guz Khan]

I agree.

[Ed Gamble]

I didn't. What if they're not using Pokemon to clean their drug money? What if they're in drugs to afford the Pokemon? They might just love Pokemon.

[Guz Khan]

That's a documentary.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, isn't it?

[Guz Khan]

I would like to know, like, that's the depths that you have to go to.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

And by the way, on a serious note, there are a lot of kids just. Just kids who want to open a packet.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

And now that pack, RRP is two pound 95.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

But then a mandam swoop in, 60 quid a pack.

[Ed Gamble]

Because you might find something rare in that. Exactly. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

It's like, like everyone's ever. Have you noticed everybody that, like, is doing well at the moment, there's always like a gambling sponsor behind them. I find out with my kids, you know, the kids be watching the streamers and the twitches and the kicks. And then like, even a good one, I'm like, oh, she's fine. I get why you watching this guy doing this crazy backflips. And at the end, he's like, steak dot com, really? And my kids are like, let's download that. I'm like, they're not downloading, but that we're promoting gambling.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Isn't that sad, though?

[James Acaster]

That is sad.

[Guz Khan]

Like, if you're gonna sell a T shirt, I'll be like, you know what? You lot buy his T shirts. I like that you're supporting the guy, but at the end, you always turn the phone. I always turn the phone around, like, press these buttons, and it's like a little fun kids game.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

So all my kids are like, no, it's just fine. I'm like, no, you're gonna lose your dad's house. Let's not do this.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. You end up in big trouble.

[Guz Khan]

I don't know.

[Ed Gamble]

So do you buy the packets of Pokemon or do you just buy the individual cards?

[Guz Khan]

Well, I tend to purchase booster boxes. Booster boxes have 36 individual packs inside. And when they're sealed and unmolested, they increase in value exponentially. Yeah, but you can get burnt. I bought a load recently. Went down in price. My son keeps an eye on his. Four percent down. Oh, no. But some of the boxes, bro, I bought for, like 140 quid in lockdown.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Three and a half grand.

[Ed Gamble]

Now. What? You've still got them? You've noticed you've not touched them. You're not open.

[Guz Khan]

And it's weird because I'm like, sometimes I'll just rip These boxes open, they're like, are you stupid, bro?

[James Acaster]

But it's good.

[Guz Khan]

It's good they know.

[James Acaster]

Why don't you sell those ones that are like three and a half grand now? Because they might go down again.

[Guz Khan]

Thank you. Now we are in the realm of greed. And this is another. It's another important thing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

This is a point thing. I find teaching the kids about this is good because I'm learning they're little greedy. Like the dad as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Because they're like, dad, there's loads of profit in this.

[Ed Gamble]

Look.

[Guz Khan]

This is a key word to teach a kid about business. Profit. Loads of profit. Should we sell it? And they're like, no, let's wait till it goes to 50 grand. It's never going to go to 50 grand. Greedy little fox. You know that and I know that, but we're in this together. And it's just really interesting because, like, you want to teach kids about, like, when we're at school, they never taught you about limited company. What's HMRC doing? It only takes 10 minutes to say, entering the all that teaches your algebra and all this. I haven't ever used it. No one's ever used it. Yeah. But with the kids, it's like a really good way of. Like that Pokemon card you bought, it's going up.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Now it's going down. You see this worry in them. I don't know. I think it's a key skill.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's also a good lesson to teach them as well. I think if you sold it, then you get the profit. Yeah. But if they want to hold on to it, they'll be like, well, it's definitely going to go up. It's going to go up forever. And then watch that crash out now.

[Guz Khan]

Crashes down.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

It's kind of fun to see something.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

They'd be crying on that. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I told you, you love the Pokemon cards. I've also heard that you're a big fan of cars and automobiles.

[Guz Khan]

I am. I think this comes from poverty. You know, when you're growing up, there's things that your mom's spending money on. Bread, milk, things like this. Cars are very far away from, like, what you might be able to enjoy now. What do you drive?

[Ed Gamble]

I do drive, but I've just got rid of my car, actually.

[Guz Khan]

What was your first whip?

[James Acaster]

Tell them. Tell them about why you got rid of it.

[Guz Khan]

Why you get rid of it?

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, because I never drove it. So the battery kept going flat. Then I checked one day, it was full of mold.

[Guz Khan]

Oh, you really don't drive.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cuz the seal on the front door had gone so every time it rained it got more and more humid in there and then it was full of. The seats were covered in mold.

[Guz Khan]

It's just so he laughing at your moldy ass car.

[Ed Gamble]

He loves that.

[Guz Khan]

It's not nice. This is funny.

[James Acaster]

Makes me laugh.

[Ed Gamble]

And luckily it was parked a little bit down the road.

[Guz Khan]

It sounds a bit classic. What is it? Was it classic?

[Ed Gamble]

A Ford Focus?

[Guz Khan]

Oh, that's not classic. That's just a car.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

If you let the Focus get more. How does that get molded? It's got rubber seals and all kinds of stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but the seals came off. I've noticed it quite a lot on that model of Ford Focus because there's a couple down further down the road.

[Guz Khan]

They're moldy as. As well?

[Ed Gamble]

Well no, no, because people are driving them and stuff and cleaning them. But I've noticed that the, the seal around the. The same door actually has come off on theirs as well. I was driving around for a bit and I heard like. And that's a worrying noise for a car.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, it's that kind of fun noise.

[Ed Gamble]

And then I got and realized that the seal was. Had come all the way out and it was flapping tail and like beating on the back of my car.

[Guz Khan]

It's magic. It's sad that obviously your car went moldy and you thought where you sell it? Like we buy any car. Where did you take it?

[Ed Gamble]

To a scrapyard.

[Guz Khan]

Oh, you didn't even get any money for it?

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, no. I got 250 quid.

[James Acaster]

Beetle. Beetle will give you that.

[Ed Gamble]

It turns out it's easier to. Cuz I filled in the online form of this, the scrapper and they called me back straight away. They were like we'll come and pick it up. Are you in tomorrow? I was like no, I'm not in tomorrow. They were like it's all right. We do this thing called contactless pickup. Just leave the key on the wheel.

[Guz Khan]

And they'll get it for you.

[Ed Gamble]

I said I just left the key on the wheel and no one's gonna nick it because the battery was flat. And then I went to open to open it to get stuff out the car that I'd left in there, turns out it was open anyway.

[Guz Khan]

You didn't take very good care of this car.

[Ed Gamble]

So I love cars as well. And I'm looking forward to your new show about cars on Quest.

[James Acaster]

Goods cars. Killer cars.

[Guz Khan]

You feel like I should have called it Good cars. Moldy cars. Can we just stick to the Focus for a second?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, sure.

[Guz Khan]

So Ford Focus.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

The battery was dead now.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had it replaced multiple times.

[Guz Khan]

Okay. And Basil had gone. What year Was this car?

[Ed Gamble]

2013.

[Guz Khan]

So not an old car, by the way.

[Ed Gamble]

That's old, man.

[Guz Khan]

No, bro, like not by the standards of some of the cars I saw when I made this show. Like 150 years old. Some of them like finished, bro. Just in someone's garage, bro. In Corey 12 years. And you scrapped it due to a seal and a faulty battery. No, I know it's more, but there's people you could just like somebody came and scrapped your car. You could have called someone to steam clean it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guz Khan]

2013. How many miles was on the car?

[Ed Gamble]

I can tell you.

[Guz Khan]

How many people are going be upset, bro. You just scrapped a. An economically viable car. Cuz you couldn't be asked. Moldy, how would you pay for the BL car?

[Ed Gamble]

Eight grand.

[Guz Khan]

You should.

[Ed Gamble]

That was back in the day though.

[Guz Khan]

I'm sure if my kids was here, they would say this man.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Worth profit and loss. My kids would be disgraced with you.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but also you can't.

[Guz Khan]

You. You've scrapped the 8 grand car for 250. You left a key on the wheel.

[Ed Gamble]

I left my wellies in it as well. So add that on top, you've.

[Guz Khan]

Well, for people who do like cars who may be listening. That is sinful, bro. Because that's cash money you've just thrown in.

[Ed Gamble]

But also, can we all take into account. It was causing me a lot of stress. I'm very busy at the moment. And also my time is money. So I made it. I profited quite a lot of time.

[Guz Khan]

Okay. No, I get.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. And I was losing a lot of face on the street because I think people had started to realize it was my car.

[Guz Khan]

Don't ever let people shame you into this kind of.

[Ed Gamble]

No, but it was disgusting, guys. It looked like a big bit of Stilton sat on the side of the road. So I'm gonna get a new one now.

[Guz Khan]

Can I do something specific?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

2013. We're gonna find out about how much these go for right now.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I already looked.

[Guz Khan]

How. How much?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I don't know if. If you want more information. I didn't. The parcel shelf wasn't in there.

[Guz Khan]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

It takes a couple of grand off.

[Guz Khan]

If this makes you feel better. Yes, yes, this makes you feel better. That's a huge one. You made me very upset, bro.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. What should I Get from my next car.

[Guz Khan]

Doesn't matter because wherever it is, you're gonna buy it, you're gonna scrap it when the window gets steamy. It's another kind of stupid reason to scrap a car. To scrap it. How'd you pay for it, Ed? 40 grand. It's got steamy windows. Scrap it. Yeah, it's really exciting, bro.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I know. And it's all fair enough.

[Guz Khan]

Did anyone say the only thing is about this Kind of like my wife would have told me off. Right. Even if I made a decision. Did anybody tell you off?

[Ed Gamble]

My father in law told me to get it cleaned and get a new battery.

[Guz Khan]

What a sensible man.

[Ed Gamble]

Sell it.

[Guz Khan]

What a wonderful man.

[Ed Gamble]

Your father and I thought about all of that.

[Guz Khan]

But you're right. Time is money. People don't understand that concept.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Money's money as well though.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, it really is. Money's also money. Well, that's. Well, yeah. Well, you might enjoy the. The new show.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. Because I met.

[Ed Gamble]

Honestly, it's not called Guz Khan's Killer Cars though. And James said it was called your killer cars.

[Guz Khan]

It's as you know, most of it was.

[James Acaster]

Why does they let me get away with it? He did.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Mostly was right.

[Ed Gamble]

It's because he doesn't know the name of the show because he looked over at Ben after you said it to check this out. That's what it was called.

[Guz Khan]

But sometimes he'd be changing names.

[James Acaster]

Quality Cars.

[Guz Khan]

Custom Cars Goods Kahns Quality cars.

[Ed Gamble]

Is it called Guz Khan's Custom Cars?

[James Acaster]

Custom Cars.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Well.

[Guz Khan]

And that's the unfortunate thing. I like killers better. Right?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

So maybe we can speak to somebody. It's just a graphic.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It's just a graphic.

[Guz Khan]

So if you like clip art, they'll just change it quickly.

[James Acaster]

And you know what Ed would do it realize he doesn't like the title and scrap the whole show. That'd be it. Yeah. Straight to the bed.

[Guz Khan]

So this is so. Bro, honestly, like I. I'm trying to hold it down, but I'm grinding and stop really sad that you did. Like, it's. I can't. Because my perception of you is you're intelligent, you're funny.

[Ed Gamble]

It's not true.

[Guz Khan]

No. You're a disgrace, brother.

[Ed Gamble]

Right. Well, you. You've totaled loads of cars.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Huh?

[Guz Khan]

Have you. Have you smashed three enough cars over?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

How many?

[James Acaster]

Three.

[Guz Khan]

What do you mean?

[James Acaster]

Between the ages of 18 and 25, I wrote off three cars.

[Guz Khan]

What were you.

[Ed Gamble]

This is.

[Guz Khan]

I like to hear these things. Hey, Cassidy. What kind of Drug fuel bender. Were you on Smashing Cars in Kettering, Cyprus?

[James Acaster]

The Judge?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I haven't driven a car in 15 years.

[Guz Khan]

You're a menace.

[James Acaster]

I was. I was meant to drive.

[Guz Khan]

There's something menacing about you, bro. I feel like a track day. I went to Northampton to do a drifting track day on this show. It's not far from us, is it? I feel like you. It would bring something out in you. Dangerous.

[James Acaster]

I wouldn't be able. I wouldn't be able to. I wouldn't like it.

[Guz Khan]

I thought that as well. I couldn't fit in the car. I was really fat at the time. And, like, the man was like, I just get in, mate. And I was like, does it fit it? Does it look like I can. I'm not doing this on purpose, mate. While the cameras have been waiting for six. Six minutes, I was being like, six minutes, and I was like, I'm too fat to get in the roll cage, man. It doesn't matter if it's 26 minutes, bro. I can't do it. So I did it when I get in the car, eventually, strapped in was really exhilarating stuff, you know, drifting. They're very talented, cuz. Like, they're all doing it in tandem. It's like a ballet. So this guy's drifting now. Then the other guy, like, pitches his drift based on his back bumper. Sure. Like this. And then before you know it, four or five cars going.

[Ed Gamble]

Were you actually doing. Did you drive it into the drifting?

[Guz Khan]

I didn't do the. Like, the ballet.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

It let me on my own, but I did. It was quite a good day.

[James Acaster]

Would you like still or sparkling water?

[Guz Khan]

Still, please. Do you guys. Can I make a. An assumption? Yeah, sparkling.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I do have sparkling quite a lot. Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

I was with Morgana Robinson last night. Oh.

[James Acaster]

Do you feel about me?

[Guz Khan]

Huh?

[James Acaster]

We know each other well enough. What do you think I have sparkling for? I know what he's implying.

[Guz Khan]

No, I would. I would hope he was drinking still. But you are like. You experiment. You experiment with music, you experiment with comedy, you experiment with water. That's my. That's why.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guz Khan]

That's what I'm saying.

[James Acaster]

It's bad mental.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a compliment.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, a little bit.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

A little bit of compliment for me.

[James Acaster]

I know what he's getting.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm trying to smooth that over.

[Guz Khan]

Oh, okay.

[James Acaster]

Say it a mile off.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

It's judgmental.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

No, I just sparkly. It just tastes funny.

[Ed Gamble]

So there's Morgana drinking sparkling.

[Guz Khan]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Classy lady.

[Guz Khan]

Hard yeah, you say that, but like. No, I mean, like, you know, it just. It feels to. If sparkling water feels to me like trying to show off.

[Ed Gamble]

Right.

[Guz Khan]

Because how does water come out?

[Ed Gamble]

Come out?

[Guz Khan]

How does what come out? The. It comes from the mountain. Wherever it comes from. Where does this. It don't come out all fizzy.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, I think there are some places where you get naturally carbonated water. Naturally carbonated water.

[Guz Khan]

But it tastes like the one in the posh bottle that Morgana got last night with the blue lid. And the guy's all acting like it's wine. Like this is for you.

[Ed Gamble]

Maybe not that, actually. Yeah. Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

I think most things, the way they come out fluid. Okay, Just crack on.

[Ed Gamble]

That's interesting. So I'm gonna remember this for the rest of the meal, that you only like fluids that are the same as when they come out.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, well, I mean. Well, yeah, this is stupid thing to say. I mean water.

[Ed Gamble]

You mean water.

[Guz Khan]

I mean water. Anyway, that's what I mean. Water.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a natural product. If you feel like you don't. You don't want anyone messing with your water.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, like, I don't. Like, I don't. The aspartame sugary water pisses me off.

[Ed Gamble]

What one's that?

[James Acaster]

The ones where it's like a little fruit flavour to it and stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I completely.

[James Acaster]

Those are the worst waters.

[Ed Gamble]

Really bad waters. Touch of lemon, whatever.

[James Acaster]

The strawberry one's the most disgusting.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, fuck that.

[James Acaster]

Who was drinking? We had a guy once come to our house and he was working on our house. I think he was doing. Actually, I'm not going to say it in case he's listening to this. He's a builder, but he'll know. Yeah, he'll know who he is. He's drinking liter bottles of strawberry flavoured Volvic. Just constantly, just racking them up. And I was like. It stunk as well. Yeah, it stinks. That stuff, that fake strawberry thing. I was like, that's right. How did I put that on silent?

[Ed Gamble]

You switched a pocket, you took it out of your pocket, you put it in the pocket with your other phone and you didn't put it on silent.

[James Acaster]

What did you think was going to happen?

[Guz Khan]

No, while this is, to be fair to me, look, I'm trying to turn on. Look. And the screen's not even going on.

[Ed Gamble]

Can you see right, can you see the screens on. It's just the brightness is very low.

[Guz Khan]

You're right.

[James Acaster]

And you've got sunglasses on.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

For the listener. So that may be why it Looks like it's off.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. There you go. Screens on there.

[Guz Khan]

It's not a message, it. It's a notification. What a stupid phone.

[James Acaster]

Well, silent though.

[Guz Khan]

I really know how to operate.

[James Acaster]

The issue wasn't if it was a message.

[Guz Khan]

It's now on airplane mode.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

So any two tunes that come through now. Not my fault. Airplane mode should dictate no more tutors. Come through.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

If it's. I want just to remind you as well, I got two phones. Have you heard anything from other phone? Not a peep from the other phone.

[Ed Gamble]

But that's still your phone. The other one is still your phone.

[Guz Khan]

No, but I'm saying.

[Ed Gamble]

No, you can't go. 50% of my phones aren't making a noise.

[James Acaster]

Does that help your case?

[Ed Gamble]

Because what. Why was he going tutu then?

[Guz Khan]

I don't even know. But looks like he's got a Nest Cafe logo at the top. Right. I didn't even drink coffee, bro. Is it Nest Coffees in the area kind of notification is that it knows.

[James Acaster]

You on a food podcast.

[Guz Khan]

Wow. Maybe.

[James Acaster]

Is it her just say you like fluids. The way they. They come out straight in there.

[Guz Khan]

Okay. We're on airplane mode. If it does any more noises, then.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

How is this my fault? Sorry for your listeners to have to hear this.

[James Acaster]

No problem.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't know.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely awful.

[Ed Gamble]

Poppadoms or bread has gone.

[James Acaster]

Papadoms or bread.

[Guz Khan]

Poppadoms.

[James Acaster]

Thumbs up, mate.

[Ed Gamble]

James normally does that bit, but he lost his voice recently, so it was my job to do it today.

[James Acaster]

My voice. I just, just. I swore it out.

[Guz Khan]

It's a virus.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. But doing too many. Too many pods. Too many gigs. Lost my voice. So Ed's doing it for this week.

[Guz Khan]

Well, you did it very well.

[James Acaster]

Every time he does it, he asked me, he says to me, I'll do it now. And then he does it. Gives me a thumbs up afterwards.

[Guz Khan]

Make you feel away when you hear him say.

[James Acaster]

Shouldn'T say, I'm going to do it now. To me, it leaves a massive pause and then he says, I'll do it now. And then he does it.

[Guz Khan]

Well, I also lied. It's not Papa Dumps.

[Ed Gamble]

It's not Bubble nums.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. I don't even know why I said popping on. I think I said it because I'm Asian and there's no need for it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

I'm just being honest with you.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Oh, yeah. Maybe I would say that.

[Ed Gamble]

It was a test. It was a test.

[Guz Khan]

Yes. I think bread. What kind of bread?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Brioche. Brioche.

[Ed Gamble]

I Thought you said blush.

[Guz Khan]

No, not blush, bread. But there's all kind of bread, bro. Look, can I say something before you start talking about what kind of bread. First of all, bread is not good. Bread's not good, bro. Break a lot of sugar.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Let me tell you something. I'll tell you personally because I have to do you my boys, I have to tell you personally. So over the last three months, I've lost three stone in weight, which means I would.

[Ed Gamble]

Bro, you've been trying to.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, I had to. We were just taking a piss, so I filmed this thing, I watched it back and I was like, for you, big bastard. Yeah. I said about myself, not acceptable. Right. And I'm not really bothered about the way I look, to be honest with you. Like, in a sense that I like to make sure I'm dressed properly for you guys ways and I look smart for you guys. This is important. But I'm fat and out all tits. I don't mind. I'm all right with it. Yeah. I've got five kids. I've got a wife, she seems to love me. I'm all right back on, but it was bad because the health situation was bad. I couldn't really realize because I don't drink, I don't smoke, but I do eat like a bastard. Yeah. So when you start breaking down bread, I'm like, it's a bread, bro. How much sugar's in bread? Love sugar in bread. Yeah. Now we're talking rotis.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Now we're talking naan. We're not just talking normal naan, we're talking Peshwari naan. You know what bishwari naan is?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, big time.

[Guz Khan]

We chop it in half. We put in. Is it desiccated coconut? Is that what they call it? Yeah, in there. Kishmish. Kishmish is. What's the English word for kishmish? Sultanas. Sultanas Honey. Close it. Put it back in the tandoor. Put extra honey on. Cut it.

[Ed Gamble]

Butter.

[Guz Khan]

Lock it. Now you eat. Now you're eating it every night and you don't read because no one in the. You know, when you go to the restaurant now, I'm like, oh, let me just have a look at calories that's got in it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Blueberry muffin. 320 calories, like me, mate. That's a lot of calories. Do you think the uncles give a shit about what calorific intake is? They don't give a shit. There's more and more kishmish. More and more coconut honey. How much sugar's in honey? I didn't even realize. You know, people say honey's good. Not when you doing half a bottle on a naan, mate.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, it is sugar, isn't it?

[Guz Khan]

It's just sugar, bro. So bread is bad, but I do love it. Bread is bad, but I love it.

[Ed Gamble]

You want brioche?

[Guz Khan]

No, because naan is a bread. So let me choose Peshwari naan.

[Ed Gamble]

You've got to choose Peshwari naan. After you described it like that. You've got to choose it for your.

[Guz Khan]

Dream, but don't have it. This is what I'm saying to you. I'm saying this is what it is. But. Or maybe have it if you're a sensible consumer of food. But I, I found this very. This is a very serious thing. I was actually, okay, I was athletic. I used to box all the time. And in the pursuit of this stupid thing called success, I. I just started eating like an idiot, bro. You understand? Because I never stayed in London. I don't like staying in London. I don't like staying away from my house and my friends and my family.

[James Acaster]

So aware of that, you asked do this podcast and commentary in a. In a pub.

[Guz Khan]

I did. And you. And you refused.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Guz Khan]

No, no, I understand. No, no, no. You know, I appreciate the fact you said no.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Cuz most people be saying yeah, yeah, yeah. But for perspective, have a great time. Cuz it's owned by my mates and you're having a laugh and you know, but anyway, whatever you said for coffee is what it is. So we're here now in this candy studio with a Pokemon card holder. So see, this is the thing people don't understand about. We all do standup comedy, right? And people are like, aren't you lucky? They say just like that. The people who say that, aren't you lucky. I'm like, yeah, but no sacrifices come. What sacrifice? Driving home from London, Manchester, you get into carve now. Now you got a choice. Do you go sleep on a hungry belly or do you call your friends at the restaurant I invite you to, but you say off. I'm not doing a podcast there. Do you call your friends? Do they keep the restaurant open at 1am for you, 2am for you and put on a spread? Wagyu steak potatoes just didn't give you the sensible things. And then ras malai comes out. Have you ever had ras malai French toast? I don't think you have. This is the problem we got into. So now we're finishing gigs, 2am and we're having food like this every day. Then this is why it's bad.

[Ed Gamble]

It's bad eating late as well. It's bad, like, you see.

[Guz Khan]

And people are going to be like, oh, you fucking idiot. Guz Khan. My name is Guz Khan. But they say Gaz Khan and fucking. You complain, but I have to complain because it's part of the game, innit? It's part of the thing that I fell into this bad habit of eating all this luscious food because your adrenaline's up. You all know what that's like, innit? Who's supposed to fucking finish a gig, go home, just lie in bed and watch. What channel is brother? Is my TV show on?

[Ed Gamble]

Quest.

[Guz Khan]

You go watch Quest. Watch Quest. You know, you can't. You're on high now. You're with your friends and the food is coming out. Coming. How many calories? Shut the up, Gus, about calories. Eat the naan. This is what I found myself in.

[James Acaster]

So.

[Guz Khan]

So, yeah, this is. I thought I would just make that point because I don't know if you two have experienced anything similar.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

You know, after you coming home late. What, oyster?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Every night. Every night, yeah.

[Guz Khan]

It's just rubbish, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Even if you're trying to be sensible, your brain, like, why am I punishing. Look at all these nice people that came out. They had a good time, we did a good thing, we made people laugh tonight. How nice. Let me treat myself, yeah? What, with a Ryvita? No, mate. What a shit treat. You want something? You know what I mean? This is what I found myself in, the sticky situation.

[Ed Gamble]

I get bad food hangovers now, though.

[Guz Khan]

What do you mean?

[Ed Gamble]

I will get the equivalent of an alcohol hangover from eating loads of food really late. When I wake up the next day, I feel shit.

[Guz Khan]

Do you think that's age?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

My uncle was telling me about this, so he's like. If he eats certain foods past, like, 10 o', clock, he just lies in bed sweating all night. He's probably got the health issue. I'm gonna get checked out. If you listen. You're not gonna listen, but, like, you know, I think food does affect you at different ages.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, definitely.

[Guz Khan]

We're all the same age in it.

[James Acaster]

40.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. 40. Next month.

[Ed Gamble]

39.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. When you're 40.

[Ed Gamble]

March. Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

We all the same. We're all year 11.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

We would have been year 11.

[Ed Gamble]

Same time.

[Guz Khan]

Year 11. Same time.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. We're all year 11. Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. And I think it's like I also. You know what? I also worry when it comes to food and, like, people who have really good control over it, they're quite boring.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Do you understand what I mean by this? They don't live life on the edge. They're not interested.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you live life on the edge? Because.

[James Acaster]

Do you think.

[Ed Gamble]

Is that.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, like I said to my. Like, not like. Wait, what's that? Hold on. Hold on a minute. What's the edge?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I think you're defining the edge, right?

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. I'm very impulsive.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

And my wife, she's like, it's very impulsive. So, like, I'm just. We're gonna live in Tokyo, I think, next year, right? This impulsive, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Guz Khan]

So I think that's living on the edge.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

I mean, because we've got five kids and, you know, like, she's like, for goodness sake, mate.

[James Acaster]

Have you thought this through, though? Yeah. The value of those Pokemon cards can go down in Tokyo.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, I think so.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

They got way more there. It's not as rare there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

I don't know if it's racism, but you have to remember something about Pokemon cards as well. Japanese Pokemon cards, where the whole thing began.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Guz Khan]

Are worth less than.

[James Acaster]

Oh, really?

[Guz Khan]

English cards. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

What?

[Guz Khan]

I don't it. Imagine that, bro. Imagine. Imagine you to come up with Bishwarinan. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And.

[Guz Khan]

And in. In the streets of Kettering and I take it over to Pakistan and I say, look at this, bro. Sick. And people are like, oh, it's great because it's from Pakistan. It's much better. You lot made them nine in the first place. Sad in it. Feel bad for the Japanese now.

[James Acaster]

I was invented in Kevin.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. And I took it Pakistan. And just because I took it Pakistan, and the perception is like, oh, oh, isn't this better? Why? Same card, same pictures, same everything. Just one's got Japanese, one's Got English to 1 English, 1. Triple the amount of money.

[James Acaster]

Appalling.

[Ed Gamble]

Especially in Japan, I guess, as well. If you sold the English ones in Japan.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. That's just rubbing it in. I would never do it.

[Ed Gamble]

But the quality of the Japanese collector's cards are going to be better because they keep everything perfectly there.

[Guz Khan]

Thank you. And even. And on that note, even the card, the cardboard quality that they use in Japan, far superior to the American stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

So why are you moving to Tokyo? Because all I heard was, we're moving to Tokyo because we've got five kids. Which is. I've never heard that as a bit of logic before.

[Guz Khan]

You know it is, bro.

[James Acaster]

We gotta get into some stuff now.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, it is. Life is short, isn't it? Yeah, bruv, we. And I say this, we were all in year 11 one minute ago. Don't lie if you're like, one minute.

[Ed Gamble]

Ago, I thought we were still in year 11.

[Guz Khan]

No, no, we are in our hearts, but we're not middle age now, bro. We're finished, bro. I'm saying, like, it's gone so quick. Me and my wife need to get a long time. And I was just like, yo, before, it's game over. Tap out, gone. I see you. Let's do as much fun stuff as possible. And she's like, what about school? And I said, it's a thing. School is a thing. But are the kids going to have more fun with balling around Tokyo with us on the circular loop system? I don't even know if it's a real thing, but it's like trains and all going in circles. Are they going have more fun doing that or learning King Henry vii? I think they're going to have more fun in Japan.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah, I think probably will.

[Guz Khan]

So this is what I'm planning to do. So when you see living life on the edge, I think that's pretty edgy.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, bro. I don't know no Japanese. Look at me. Look. Just saying we'll turn up in Japan. I'm assuming there's not much people even look like me and that in Japan. And often it's a fair assumption.

[Ed Gamble]

I think you. I think you're right. I think it's, you know, largely Japanese people there.

[James Acaster]

Right.

[Ed Gamble]

I'd say.

[Guz Khan]

I think. I think so.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

It's a fair assumption to me.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, we've both been. And I certainly saw, like, Japanese people. My fair share of Japanese people.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, good. Yeah, good.

[Guz Khan]

I want to see what it's like. I heard the air quality is really good. I've seen Tick Tock videos about how goldfish live in the. Like to just a puddle.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Guz Khan]

And just go fish in it and live. They live very happily. I want to see. I want to live in a place. All right.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

I'm gonna go fish in the puddles. In golf, mate.

[Ed Gamble]

3D Mario Kart.

[Guz Khan]

3D, Mario. There's lots. Do you understand what I mean?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

So, like, if. I'm saying if every few years we go and get this new experience.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

That's quite dramatic, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

With the added thing, if it was just me and I'm really indifferent, but five kids.

[James Acaster]

I mean, I'd say having five kids is life on the edge.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Regardless of where you live.

[Guz Khan]

You say that. I was under one show yesterday. There was a man from Hartlepool, his white brother and Alex Jones said, you're one of 14. And we were like, 14 what? He's got 14 brothers and sisters on one show. I said, from the same woman died blood. You got 14. Then he said, yeah. And he was a bit like. You could tell probably. He's had that reaction many times.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Guz Khan]

But I was really. I couldn't believe it. Now you say five's a lot. I'm sitting next to my man there, bro.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, sure.

[Guz Khan]

Fourteen brothers, sisters, Catholics, probably.

[Ed Gamble]

They absolutely. My grandma was one of eight.

[Guz Khan]

See?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Irish Catholics.

[Guz Khan]

Maybe it's a guy. I don't know. Maybe mom and dad's just on it. I don't know. Like, it could be any number.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but that's beyond on it though, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

14, you've. There's almost got to be overlap.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, maybe some people. Some people I've seen. No, you always see them documentaries, bro. They all get. They're not all Catholic.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, maybe not.

[Guz Khan]

I mean, in America we just got like.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a very Catholic thing though, isn't it? Like it's an Irish Catholic thing to. Because you can't absolutely pump them out. You have to. It's either nothing or the pull out method.

[James Acaster]

What's your dream start? I guess.

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[Ed Gamble]

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[James Acaster]

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[James Acaster]

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[Guz Khan]

Visit go.acast.com advertise to get started. We just done. We just done with the kitchen finish.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Guz Khan]

I'll start as it depends. It depends on the mood I'm in. Really? To honest with you.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Guz Khan]

What kind of mood am I in today?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Even though I won't eat them because I'm trying to stay healthy.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Guz Khan]

Hot honey tenders. So deep fried tenders drizzled in hot honey. Some of the best ones I've had are in the Middle East. Don't ask me why. The Lebanese brother just be wham. Bring them out tasty bro. Like next level tasty and they usually accompanied with some kind of like masala fries. Sounds a bit mansy, doesn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but with, you know.

[Guz Khan]

But you sharing it around. I. You know what? I didn't really eat my own.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Guz Khan]

Like now I feel weird. I come down here, I'm eating on my own, find it very strange. I don't really even know what to order cuz usually. No problem, bro. When I am eating. Sneezing.

[James Acaster]

Sneezing.

[Guz Khan]

Sorry for sneezing, brother.

[Ed Gamble]

Snee.

[Guz Khan]

Alhamdulillah. You're okay. So like when I eat, I'm never eating on my own. Minimum, minimums. I'm eating with me. Am five other people.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

So when we.

[Ed Gamble]

Your kids?

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, yeah. Usually them not. Yeah. And you know, it's a big. Everyone's like ordering, so. But they love the hot honey tenders. They love the masala fries. In the Middle East, I had Tanzanian masala fries.

[Ed Gamble]

Wow.

[Guz Khan]

Had a different kind of flavors on there. Very interesting stuff, bro. Very tasty. Have you ever had Tanzanian?

[James Acaster]

No.

[Guz Khan]

Inspired fries? No, they're like. They're not fries, bro. They call them like mogo chips. Have you heard of them?

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, so it's not actual potato?

[Guz Khan]

No, it's different.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, I've had that before.

[Guz Khan]

Is it called cassava?

[Ed Gamble]

Maybe.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it's the same thing. The mogo is the. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Cassava. But it was linked.

[James Acaster]

We did a TV show together once and when it was time to eat it always knock on my door and sit in my dressing room. Have your food.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. I thought it was nice. It makes sense though.

[James Acaster]

Social while you're eating. Yeah, yeah.

[Guz Khan]

You guys like.

[Ed Gamble]

I completely agree with you. It's nice to eat with other people. How was James every time you knocked on his door?

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. Not be. He wasn't very happy.

[James Acaster]

It was nice to see you. Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

I would like to see what I can like. You perched on the edge of the sofa and I was like, oh, he's not comfortable. Cuz if you got a big leather sofa there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

And he's sitting on the edge of it like.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Waiting for me to finish like a little bird. Yeah. I could tell you he's uncomfortable. Did that make me return to my room? No.

[James Acaster]

No, you don't.

[Guz Khan]

But I wanted the. I wanted the company to win.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Not this reclusive.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Dinner eating, bro. This is shit, bro. What's that?

[Ed Gamble]

When we used to mop the wheat together, we'd eat. Eat dinner together, didn't we?

[Guz Khan]

That's nice.

[James Acaster]

Sometimes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, Sometimes When I won, When I got my way.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Sometimes I'll be like, I've got to work on my material.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Would you say that? So you just like eating? You so eating a loads of finger.

[James Acaster]

Yours I could eat on my own, but I like eating with other people as well.

[Guz Khan]

Not by the sound of it. That's not what I felt like when you were pushed to the edge of your sofa.

[James Acaster]

It's not true.

[Guz Khan]

In lockdown. And when we're all there together, I don't know, like, I just, I think food tastes better when you're chatting and in it.

[Ed Gamble]

I agree, I agree with that. And what I love about it as well is when you're all sharing stuff and you can all taste a bit of everything and you can come out and be like, I'm not even that full, but I tasted so many different things today.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, this is good. And also like, I don't know, I don't know if it's a cultural thing, but like some of my, some of my friends growing up, they're, you know, they've got a plate of food and there's a chip there and you go and pass it. Yes. And then you shove a chip.

[Ed Gamble]

You do that. You just.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, but I don't mind when people do that. If I'm sitting and eating and you two walk past and you just like, wham. Take a handful of mogo chips and you just eat. I'm not gonna get angry. I'll be like, yeah, eat, bro, eat. But some people get really annoyed by that, don't they? Don't ever do that again.

[Ed Gamble]

So you would walk past and just like grab a chip of someone's plate. Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Not strange.

[Ed Gamble]

Ah. When you say it's a cultural thing, do you mean it's a, it's a ghost thing or do you feel like it is?

[Guz Khan]

No, I mean a culture. So like the area we grew up in, right. I don't even, I can't remember anybody get offended about like, let me of. Of eating your peri. Peri chips, bro. Like, let me ask permission, can I eat somebody? Chips? You'd be sitting down, everyone's having a laughing stuff and someone go, or wing or like, they'll break a chunk of your chicken off and just eat it. Yeah, I'm used to that.

[Ed Gamble]

I would go insane.

[Guz Khan]

Oh yeah, you wouldn't be happy.

[Ed Gamble]

But you know, you know that. You know, I'd go mad.

[Guz Khan]

What is it because of fingers?

[James Acaster]

I'd love to see it, but I'd hate to see it.

[Ed Gamble]

This is My food?

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. I don't get that.

[Ed Gamble]

My food that I ordered. And then in my head I've planned out everything I'm eating and I can't wait to have all of it. And I've done all the planning in my head of how I'm going to eat it and then people come along and mess up the plan, right? I was on tour, right? We were at the airport, asking my tour manager what what he wanted. I was on the Nando's app and he said, oh, I'll have this burger. I went, do you want anything in it? And he went, yeah, can I get halloumi? So I was like, yeah, halloumi in it. Order my food, which is the half chicken hot halloumi, the new creamy corn and broccoli. I go to the toilet, come back, my halloumi's arrived. He's tucking into that.

[Guz Khan]

You are not happy.

[Ed Gamble]

I was like, that's my halloumi.

[Guz Khan]

You're not happy.

[Ed Gamble]

That's my halloumi. He went, no, it's my halloumi. I went, it's fucking not. I ordered it. He said, I wanted halumi. I went, that's in your burger. That's not even here yet, mate. When this burger arrives, are you gonna take some halloumi out and give it to me?

[Guz Khan]

No, you're still be angry about it.

[Ed Gamble]

And then his burger arrives. They've put my pot of gravy on the plate. Before I can do anything, he's dipping a chip in the gravy. I'm like, I wouldn't have thought so, mate. Because he said, oh, I wanted the Christmas one, but they didn't have it. And that comes with gravy. So it still had gravy in my head. A likely story. You're fired.

[Guz Khan]

I was gonna ask this brother. Not your manager anymore?

[Ed Gamble]

No. Kicked him out the airport. But it's difficult to leave an airport after you've gone through security.

[Guz Khan]

You what I wanted. This is what I want to mention this. This is what I mean, I just wouldn't be. What? I would clearly be a nightmare of yours.

[Ed Gamble]

No, because I think you do it in a cheeky way and I think you could pull it off. I think if you just went whoops and took a chip, I'd be like, oh, yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Oh, that's not fair though.

[Ed Gamble]

No, it's not.

[Guz Khan]

So that's a skill based thing.

[James Acaster]

He wasn't skillful charm.

[Ed Gamble]

You got charms.

[James Acaster]

True. Yeah. Charming man.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

But I'd like. I wouldn't. When we got out one day, to eat. I would just. I'll order something and if you just start cracking off the plate, I don't. I think it's nice. I think it's good.

[Ed Gamble]

Sharing plates. Fine. Individual meals, you can't crack off the plate unless someone offers you a crack off the plate. And even then, if you're going, oh, do you want to taste some of this? That's a lovely thing to do. But then the other person has to go, oh, do you want a bit of mine? Like, no, that's why I didn't order it. I don't want it.

[Guz Khan]

You see? Yeah, we see. Look, look. This is a very stringent set of.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guz Khan]

I feel like the thing that we're gonna. We're just gonna miss each other on here. It's the permission element.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

When you start bringing permission, like consent into it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Food.

[Ed Gamble]

Clip it up.

[Guz Khan]

Food.

[Ed Gamble]

Clip it up.

[Guz Khan]

Just food. I think, like, oh, you know what I truly think? I think in my heart I'll be like, we're not really friends. If we're really friends.

[Ed Gamble]

Because you'd be able to take food off my plate.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Without permission.

[Guz Khan]

But it works vice versa.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

I would feel like he's not gonna put his. You can. You can put your hand on my.

[James Acaster]

Plate because this is what I've remembered as you're saying, goes vice versa. The friendship. He's coming into my dressing room to eat his food.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Because he wants to be around each other when we're eating food. I tried to invite myself to his house once because he was going to have a big, big meal. He said no.

[Ed Gamble]

What?

[James Acaster]

It was Eid, and he wouldn't let me.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

I was like, I can come. He said no. Remember that?

[Ed Gamble]

I don't got a few.

[James Acaster]

I felt sad in my heart also.

[Ed Gamble]

Why are you inviting yourself to people's family occasions?

[James Acaster]

Wanted to meet his family. I've heard so much about him.

[Guz Khan]

Eid is in March.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

I will not be in the country. I won't be in Turkey, but won't be in the country. You two are welcome. Come on the plane. I'mma put the pla. The food I put on for you. You'll never forget it. I mean, my kids will be eating out your plates and stuff, but, yeah, that's a separate issue. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You got to deal with that.

[Ed Gamble]

I'd have to deal with that in your house, because that's what you're doing. Right.

[Guz Khan]

But I've given you pre warning anyways.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

We ain't pulled up to the house and my Kids like. Yeah, you like. It's not. They're not gonna do that. It's gonna be a loving, caring way.

[Ed Gamble]

No, because knowing you, you'll get all your kids to say you and. And take stuff off my plate. They'll all come up to me one by one and go. You.

[James Acaster]

You trade them to do that exact.

[Ed Gamble]

Thing, and then you'll be in the window just laughing.

[Guz Khan]

Is he bad that kids swear?

[Ed Gamble]

No, I think it's hilarious.

[James Acaster]

Funny.

[Guz Khan]

One could swear you, because I don't know. They do.

[James Acaster]

Can you work your dream main course into this answer?

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, I can actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like main courses.

[Ed Gamble]

They're good.

[Guz Khan]

So kids swearing? No, mate. What's my main course? A very interesting question, because it depends on how I feel. Yeah. I love my Pakistani heritage. I love Pakistani food. Now, if it's being prepared at home by an expert like auntie, uncle, whatever, I will have, like, salon is basically curry salon, depending on dialect, larva. Right. And there's so many different types of saalings and curries that can be cooked. Right. But I don't really get to enjoy that much anymore because I'm always on a move and always on a. So I like for mains, chicken, shish kebab, modern chops, lamb chops. Right. But they have to be cooked in a tandoor style. When you cook them in this tandoor style, you maintain all of the juiciness. Yeah. And you can have several different types of flavoring that go. Even this guy was telling me, depending on where they put it in the tandoor, the more char grilled it is, gives it obviously slightly different flavor. But when you keep it further up the tandoor, you maintain all the moisture in the meat. So my main means would be either Pakistani or. I really like Iranian. I like Kobe there. I think it's called where they get the. The kima, the mince meat. And you have a chicken and a meat and with a rice. So, like, that's my kind of vibe. It has to be like the Iranians do, like, more saffroni rice. You know, it's got a different tinge to it. If it's Pakistani or Afghani, it's more like bilau. Like, I wouldn't do a biryani with that. I think that's a bit too much. Biryani is its own art form.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

But that. Those clean, juicy meats in a shishtandoor style with. With like a clean rice, that's my mains.

[Ed Gamble]

Delicious.

[Guz Khan]

And you know what's mad? Like, we spend A lot of time in the Middle East. Right. And in the Middle east, there's a lot of people from South Asia, regionally. Different villages, different, bro. You ball up to a restaurant and the taste of a kebab at one restaurant versus the other one down the road. There's such a difference, bro. There's such a difference in the. Obviously, you've got the spices that go into the kima, the minced meat, when they're. When they're putting it together, but it's even, like, length of times and cooking stars and like the kind of coal and the wood that's at the bottom of the tandoor. It's mad, bro. I've been enjoying that. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I think. Yeah. It's just my favorite juicy grilled meat with the spices and mutton and lamb. So you get to do a little comparison.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

On that flight, on that flavor difference.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. And the thing is, there's loads of different ways you can enjoy it is just nice with rice, but, like, if you're really going for it, like a hulking, cheesy garlic naan that when you get your fingernails and you rub it over the top of my skin, it's all, like, crispy and firm on top of. But then inside it's all juicy. And you're taking that now. You get in the kebab. You eat with hands, by the way.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guz Khan]

This is a big problem for mum Dani. Mum Dani was eating with his hands on the Internet and everyone said, you heathen, you bastard. Eating with your hands. Do you eat pizza with your hands? Yes, I do. Chill out, then. Chill the out. Chill the out, lads. Like, there's a. There's so. I don't. It's. It's so much tastier to eat that kind of food with your hands. You get what I'm saying? Don't. Usually I don't. I wouldn't be dipping on your. You know, if it's like that. I wouldn't dip on your plate because I've been licking my fingers. You could keep your plate. You can maintain what's in your plate. I've got respect. There's boundaries. You know what I'm saying?

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you.

[Guz Khan]

But like, eating. Eating that kind of food with your hands, there's nothing like it, bro. On the floor.

[Ed Gamble]

On the floor?

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. Floor setting.

[Ed Gamble]

You're gonna love Tokyo.

[Guz Khan]

You're on the floor, honey.

[Ed Gamble]

They love sitting on the floor.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. Oh, do they?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Traditional Japanese restaurants.

[Guz Khan]

Like in a tatami room.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Sick.

[Guz Khan]

I mean, I don't. I don't know, I might be. I don't think there's gone much. They don't look like a kebabi country.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think so. I mean, there's yakitori, which is like grilled meat.

[Guz Khan]

It's like a hot pot.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, like grilled meat.

[James Acaster]

The.

[Ed Gamble]

So you just go to these restaurants and they've got like. Some of them have got live fire, some of them just got griddle and.

[Guz Khan]

You just do it yourself.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Oh, that's nice.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, well, they do. Yeah. A guy do me a real nice lobster on there once.

[Ed Gamble]

Where do you. Where are you going?

[James Acaster]

Huh? Lobster? Yeah. In Japan.

[Guz Khan]

In Japan, Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I did lobster on the Akatori grill.

[Ed Gamble]

Crazy.

[Guz Khan]

I feel a bit allergic to lobster. Have you ever done allergy tests, you two?

[Ed Gamble]

No, never had allergy tests. I'm only. That I know of. I'm allergic to horses. And oxytetracycline.

[Guz Khan]

Is that an antibiotic?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Got bad acne when I was a teenager. Really bad acne. I was really down about it and my mum was like, we'll go to the doctor and test me out via acne. So, yeah, thanks, Mom. Doctor gave me this oxy tetracycline. I took it. Horrible rash on top of my acne.

[Guz Khan]

That's not good, man.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, I wasn't. Wasn't a happy guy.

[Guz Khan]

When did you ever, bro?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Oxygen cycling. Yeah, man, forget that. What a antibiotic.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

You. You don't. Allergies.

[James Acaster]

No, I haven't done the test. I'm not allergic to anything as far as I know.

[Guz Khan]

That's what you think.

[Ed Gamble]

Socializing. Am I right.

[Guz Khan]

Bro? You're 100, right?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

You're 100, right? Absolute wanker, like. So the reason I mentioned this because it's related to food is I would say for years, oh, I had that pineapple, bro. That is funny, bro. And I was with Alan Davis in a field and he's cutting up pineapple and we're all eating pineapple and I've. I've beat it now and I've gone, oof. My tongue bro is doing a mad one because I've been eating pineapple for years. And he went, I think you might be allergic to pineapple. And I was like saying, Alan Davis. So I just carried on eating pineapple. And I also noticed that when I have ginger, something funny. I also noticed when I eat Ferrero Rochers, something funny.

[Ed Gamble]

Right, so, well, that might be hazelnuts then.

[Guz Khan]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Not Ferrero Rocher.

[Guz Khan]

Well, this only time, I mean, hazelnut yeah. Ferrero Rocher.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. So when my alley. When my allergy test came back, guess what in red? Pineapple.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Not for air. Russia. Hazelnut.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

And what was the other one?

[James Acaster]

I said, ginger.

[Ed Gamble]

Ginger. You've got to remember this, because this is your job to remember.

[Guz Khan]

You're right. All them, guess what else I'm allergic to. And my. I walked to my mom's house. I say, mom, you bully. You bully me. Say for all these years, I am allergic to dal, dahl, lentils. Then he read, I took the sheet to my mom. I said, mom, you said, I didn't want to eat your doll all them years because my body was repulsed by it. It wasn't me. My body was rejecting your doll because it's a big thing in my house.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Idiot doesn't eat dal. Everyone loves kind of dal. Like, you know, the way Mom's cooking it is laying. But every time I eat, I'd be like, I'm gonna be incensed by this. It's the stupid face you're doing. I'm like, dal, allergic. Ginger, allergic. Ferrero Roche, allergic. Pineapple, allergic.

[James Acaster]

Why were you in a field with Alan? Was it for taskmaster?

[Guz Khan]

Knives on another show? But it was. Yeah, like. And he. But I'm glad he said it, because that's the first time I ever even occurred to me I might be allergic to food. Because he's like, that's not. That's not normal that your tongue's swollen.

[Ed Gamble]

I.

[Guz Khan]

Look, my tongue has gone bigger.

[James Acaster]

You showed him your tongue?

[Guz Khan]

Like, you really tried to guide me through it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

I think you're allergic. And I. And I wanted to reject it because I was, like, allergic to food kind of behavior is that?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, kind of.

[Ed Gamble]

What effect did. Did the lentil. Did the lentils have on you?

[Guz Khan]

Like, vindication?

[Ed Gamble]

I meant physical effects.

[Guz Khan]

A bloating.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Which is mad, ain't it? Because in, like, obviously being Pakistani, being South Asian, everyone's like, dal is the healthiest dolly. Oh, you not. You don't want to be healthy because you don't eat dal. Every time I eat dal.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

I would feel it. That's my name.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Allergic to milk as well, but not camel milk.

[James Acaster]

Remember that one just right at the end? Yeah. The most common one.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Allergic.

[Ed Gamble]

But why is this not camel milk?

[Guz Khan]

Not camel milk.

[Ed Gamble]

So have you found that out?

[Guz Khan]

It was green. Camel milk was green.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, they put all that on the form.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. So camel milk is green. All the other milks is coming up orange. Red. There's another. And I tested It. I drank one liter of camel milk. No far good. No bloating, nothing. That's crazy, ain't it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, you gotta have camel milk and everything.

[Guz Khan]

I still have. Milk's hard to avoid. But like back in, you know, before this diagnosis. Some ice cream, smashing it. This, that milkshake, Smashing it. I've reduced that and I, I swear that it's made a difference.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it will do.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, because she's mad, ain't it?

[James Acaster]

You're allergic to milk.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, but why? Is stupid. What? My body's stupid. That's stupid. Why am I allergic to milk? That's his ridiculous thing.

[Ed Gamble]

You're lactose intolerant.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, but that's ridiculous.

[Ed Gamble]

But whether it's ridiculous or not, it's true.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, I know, you're right.

[Ed Gamble]

Of course it's going to help if you don't eat.

[Guz Khan]

You're right, but I'm just disappointed. Like most of my body. What is he doing that for? Yeah, you're not lactose intolerant?

[Ed Gamble]

No, no.

[Guz Khan]

He's taking a piss, bro. Like I was really annoyed at my body.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guz Khan]

The, the, like the genetic makeup of it. Why is this fucking allergic to milk, bruv?

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[James Acaster]

Dream side dish.

[Guz Khan]

Does it have to be sweet?

[James Acaster]

Sweet.

[Guz Khan]

Sweet side dish.

[James Acaster]

No, it's not sweet side dish.

[Guz Khan]

Do I have street side dishes, bro? All the time.

[James Acaster]

Like, it doesn't have to be anything. Is it whatever you want it to be, your side dish? But normally, I guess side dishes are savory, so. But surprise here, does it have to be sweet?

[Ed Gamble]

But you can have whatever you like?

[Guz Khan]

Is a side dish usually savory in my world? I'm not talking about your world. In my world, do you think I've ever had to think no side dish?

[Ed Gamble]

Would it be like, people pick chips a lot. People pick you.

[Guz Khan]

Based on how I've been explaining stuff for the starter. There was already chips in there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

So I would assume what you're asking me is how I'm like, composing the meal.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

I'm having the sides all over the place.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

You know what I'm saying? I'm not going to resume like, oh, yeah, let me have a look at the sides, mate. I'm saying, let me see that menu and let me decide when it's all coming up. And son, maybe I have my. Maybe I have my dessert at the top and I have my sides at the end. Maybe that's how we be feeling. You know, something sides. Well, let me just talk about childhood. If you think about that, like, you will have a. You'll have a chicken filet burger.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Double fillet, not cheese. You can't have that anymore.

[Ed Gamble]

Where from?

[Guz Khan]

Dixie Chicken Chicken Cottage. These kind of places. These are like Midlands places. I know in London, they got Morley's and all this kind of stuff. But we didn't really mess.

[Ed Gamble]

No, we have favorite chicken. Favorite chicken.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Favorite chicken is a bit of a banger. So Dixie Chicken Cottage. So with the filet burger, you could have, like, barbecue wings or you could have, like, Peri. Peri wings. But, like, I like my. If you're going to turn them aside. I don't really agree with this statement, by the way. If you can. If you can turn this stuff aside, it's gotta be like. It's gotta complement the main meal. Like, I'm not trying to eat a chicken filet burger. And then look like all mashed potatoes. That if I'm having double chicken filet burger, it has to be like wings, thigh, this kind of. Do you understand what I'm saying?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

More chicken.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, More chicken.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Fries as well, with a chicken burger.

[Guz Khan]

I don't really define that aside, how are you gonna have a filet burger without the fries anyway? That is ridiculous. That's like my lactose intolerance. It's so stupid.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, sure.

[Ed Gamble]

I think. I don't think I'd have fries.

[Guz Khan]

Right.

[Ed Gamble]

I know. I just get, like, the big fillet burger, the one with the onion ring in it.

[Guz Khan]

Well, that's a good option.

[Ed Gamble]

And that would be. That would be it.

[Guz Khan]

Just that you wouldn't. So you going into boss man shop?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

He's putting the burger together for you. And on the rack there's wings and legs, and you are not. You're not.

[Ed Gamble]

Ten ribs. Ribs, favorite. They're not good, though.

[Guz Khan]

Not from them, please.

[Ed Gamble]

So solid.

[Guz Khan]

Well, so, yeah, side. Side is. Side is a good way to define it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

More fried chicken in this sense.

[James Acaster]

But you got the stuff in the tandoor. So for this, the side for that is going to be the fried chicken.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Okay, just check.

[Guz Khan]

Wrong with that.

[James Acaster]

Well, just because you did a long speech about how the side has to complement the main. So if you're having a chicken burger, you would have fried chicken.

[Ed Gamble]

More fried. And then even when you said my side dish is more fried chicken, but you can't say it's more fried chicken because the main is not fried chicken. Right.

[Guz Khan]

Well, I've just changed my mind. What are you talking about? Let's just call it more fried chicken. That's what I'm going for. I know I previously, I said a statement previously, which is it has to complement the main.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

I'd like to retract that statement.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guz Khan]

I would like to say a half. Half A whole. Half a chicken. Yeah, Fried.

[Ed Gamble]

Half a chicken fried.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Can I just check as well?

[Guz Khan]

I remember. I just want to say I'm sharing this mule, you know? I know it's not mine.

[James Acaster]

I was judging you. How much there is the start is.

[Ed Gamble]

Fried chicken as well, right?

[Guz Khan]

It was.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Chicken tenders.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

So it is more fried chicken.

[Guz Khan]

Is more fried chicken.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guz Khan]

So why is the meal.

[James Acaster]

So far, you've got the. Well, you.

[Ed Gamble]

You've got your honey tenders with fries.

[Guz Khan]

But not just any fries. It was the Mogo chip.

[Ed Gamble]

The Mogo. Yeah, yeah. Then the tandoor stuff.

[Guz Khan]

Where did the Pashwan Come from then.

[James Acaster]

That was in the bread at the start of the tour.

[Guz Khan]

Yes, yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Then you. All the tandoor stuff.

[Guz Khan]

Yep.

[Ed Gamble]

The mutton and the lamb and the chicken. Yeah, More chicken. Then you've got on the side chicken thigh, chicken wings. Deep fried chicken.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Deep fried from the chicken shop.

[Guz Khan]

With like a selection of spices.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. Right.

[James Acaster]

Chicken.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, like spices.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

This chicken don't really do the spice, but you can bring it for your house.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

You know what I mean? Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

What spices are you putting on it?

[Guz Khan]

Like, you got them shakers. They just got the peri. Peri stuff in it. Right. But I'm telling you, like this, that flavoring. They put that Tanzanian spice blend that they put on the cassette. You put it on the chicken out of bang as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that'll bring it all together.

[James Acaster]

Bring it all together.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Your dream drink water.

[Ed Gamble]

Sticking with the water.

[Guz Khan]

Just plain water.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Because now I remembered I said that statement as well. Just. I'm happy with this.

[James Acaster]

Just because you're doubling down on the statement that. Yeah, all fluid should be as it comes out.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, I am.

[Ed Gamble]

So you just don't want to move away from that. But there must be another drink that you like that you'd be like. Absolutely.

[Guz Khan]

Maybe orange juice. That's how it comes out. Orange juice.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

No more additives. Maybe, maybe. Maybe a fruit juice of some sort.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm not going to pick you up on it if you want to pick.

[Guz Khan]

I feel like this is turning into soft drink. No, soft. No soft drink. Plain water.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

As intended notes, sparkling and potentially a fruit juice. Fresh, but not a mango juice.

[Ed Gamble]

Mango juice.

[Guz Khan]

Mango lassie.

[James Acaster]

Mango lassie.

[Guz Khan]

Now we're getting into it. Can I just take step away from the whole double downing thing? Yeah, he's bad, bro. Sick, honey. Have to have a camel milk, but like mango.

[James Acaster]

Camel milk.

[Guz Khan]

Camel milk.

[Ed Gamble]

But this is the dream restaurant. And you know, you said you don't mind a bit of milk now and again.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, yeah, fine. So fluda, not falooda is.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[Guz Khan]

Oh, my God, bro. It's a drink, but it's a dessert.

[James Acaster]

Right.

[Guz Khan]

And falooda is ice cream cream. Rose water. It is an unbelievable drink. Semia.

[James Acaster]

What's the.

[Guz Khan]

What's the English translation for the word semia? I don't know what it is, bro, but very thin. It's not pasta, bro. It's very, very thin. Vermicelli.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, yeah, yeah, okay.

[Guz Khan]

They put vermicelli in there. You've got ice cream. Like kulfi. Like ice cream. Not freaking you know, goofy, like ice cream. It's slightly melted, so you can drink it through a straw, but you are invited to eat it with a spoon. So it is a bit like 50. 50. You get. You get straw with it. You get a spoon as well. Then depending on which region of Pakistan you're in, they'll put, like, Pakistani sweets over the top.

[Ed Gamble]

Wow.

[Guz Khan]

And faluda with the rose water hit with the vermicelli, with the kulfi ice cream and the creamy milk. And that is a dangerous drink.

[James Acaster]

I have had one of these.

[Guz Khan]

You had fluta?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Who did someone else pick this moan.

[Guz Khan]

There you go.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

My one knows what's going on.

[Ed Gamble]

How would you feel if I walked over with my own straw straight into your fluder and I took a sip of it? No permission.

[Guz Khan]

I wouldn't sack you as my tour manager. Like, I wouldn't do that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

I might be like, yo. But like, oh, you know, I know. I would just be like, I have it because.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guz Khan]

I wouldn't fire someone and make them cry at an airport. Whatever you did.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm just trying to find your line with the food sharing thing.

[Guz Khan]

No, no, no. I didn't know. I told you already.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm good with it.

[Guz Khan]

So flu. Do you have Fluida? What kind of flu do you have? Can you remember?

[James Acaster]

I think it might have been rose water, because that's one of the things you said that made me go, oh, yeah, I think I've had that. You can't go very much about the vermicelli stuff. I was like, oh, yeah, I have had this.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Very good.

[Guz Khan]

I mean, it's mad rich.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

But it's a. It's a. It's a fun. That's a fun drink, you know?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

If I want someone to come into my world, I'd be like, oh, you tried this for nine. Tried this before they leave. Like, oh, yeah, we're a Coke. What if I'll pick Coke? Oh, boy. Y' all have a can of Coke? What boring is that?

[James Acaster]

A lot of people have chose coke on this Coke. How boring.

[Guz Khan]

They did. No prior thought of this.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Whatsoever. Neither did I. But the point is, on the spot, I came up with Faluda.

[Ed Gamble]

I was about to call you out.

[Guz Khan]

On that, I guess, but I'm admitting I'm truthful guy.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

But would you.

[Ed Gamble]

Would you.

[Guz Khan]

Would you rather faluda or a can of Coke Zero? This is ridiculous.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guz Khan]

In the picture that we're trying to paint here.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Any drink that's basically dessert. That gets my.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, of course it's so of yours.

[Guz Khan]

Why is it. Would you say a milkshake is the same kind of thing?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yesterday. So we got a new fridge freezer yesterday. Yes. But we're out in the day, out in the evening, and what the people were done here were, like, sorting out. I got all the stuff from our freezer, put it in these freezer bags, you know, and. But they just left them outside the house. When we got home, they were there, and I was like, I've got, like, three tubs of ice cream that were in that freezer. I looked in, they'd all melted to milkshakes. I drank one of them. Oh, right there on the doorstep.

[Guz Khan]

On the doorstep, huh?

[James Acaster]

Ben and Jerry's strawberry cheesecake. Just drank out. Just drank out the cup.

[Ed Gamble]

That's what people do when they're trying to put on weight for films.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

That's fun.

[James Acaster]

I'm doing the opposite of what you're doing.

[Ed Gamble]

Why don't you go indoors?

[James Acaster]

Huh?

[Ed Gamble]

Why don't you go indoors?

[James Acaster]

Tis the season.

[Ed Gamble]

That's a delicious drink, though, Gus. That sounds amazing.

[Guz Khan]

Right?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

I feel like. I feel like I want to take. Immediately.

[James Acaster]

You're choosing the flooda over the mango lassi?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. I feel like a lot of people have had mango lassi, but falooda might be a little.

[James Acaster]

We've had a few lassies on the pod, but, yeah, this is. It's nice to have a flutter.

[Guz Khan]

You need to take, bro. You need to come for faluda, bro. One day. Yeah, I will.

[James Acaster]

Your drink, Dessert.

[Guz Khan]

It's interesting because I told you over the tract of things, I like to put things at different parts in the menu. Some would say the peshwari naan, kishmish, honey. That's the dessert. And that's usually how I enjoy it. But I would like to go to a specific meal at one of my best mates restaurants in the city of Coventry, and he came up with the idea of a French toast. And it's not a slice, mate, it's a loaf of it. Yeah, yeah. Wedge. Yeah. Thick and, you know, like outside, so crispy. And then you squeeze it, you know, and the steam comes out. And on top, he puts four rasmalai. These are homemade rasmalai. Not from the box, bro. It's a different experience. Right?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

You have a rasmalai?

[James Acaster]

No, I don't think I have.

[Guz Khan]

Rasmalai is like a pillow of sweet heaven. Okay.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Guz Khan]

It's milky Sweet condensed milk with a little bit of almonds in it. But it's like a rasmalai is a pillow of beauty. And when you buy it, it's, of course, it's milky, really, like rasmalai, because it's milky, but it's got, like, a certain texture to it where it feels like you're. But, you know, if you were like, oh, I wish a cloud tasted like this. That's what rasmalai tastes like. Rasmalai tastes like a. Like the cloud in my head. Yeah. So he puts the rasmalai on top of the loaf of French toast, and as the milk drizzles over and you cut into it, bro, that is the baddest boy dessert I've tried in many, many years.

[James Acaster]

It's on the menu of this place.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

What's the place called?

[Guz Khan]

The Farmhouse in Coventry.

[James Acaster]

Farmhouse.

[Guz Khan]

Big up Sunny and Vic. Big up the Farmhouse. And, like, that's a dessert you can't get anywhere else.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Because you're gonna go. You're gonna get a rasmalai, you're gonna get. But no, in that whole world of fusion, bro, for anyone listening to this who has had ras malai before, they're gonna back me up on it. I should have bought rasmalai. This is what I should have done. And we could have just tried it here right now. But I assumed you two would have had rasma light before. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I'm ashamed. But, hey, next year, I got some tour dates. I'm in Birmingham for a few days. I reckon in the daytime, I can say to my tour manager, let's go to Coventry before the show tonight.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't trust those guys.

[James Acaster]

What?

[Ed Gamble]

You won't get even one bite of that French toast.

[James Acaster]

That's true.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

No, you'll go to the toilet, you come back, you know where the French toast.

[James Acaster]

I defy them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Can't get to the gig and I.

[Guz Khan]

Won'T give you a leaf.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[James Acaster]

Oh, thanks.

[Ed Gamble]

And you shouldn't.

[Guz Khan]

No. But I still remember how you tried playing me on this podcast. Try play me on this podcast, bro. Course you're welcome to my house to eat. Forget outside. Eat anytime. Both of you.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you.

[Guz Khan]

Such a terrible reputation you tried to give me. I'm not even like that as a person.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm gonna come see you in Tokyo.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. I might not be. You know, it's impulsive. I might not even be there. But, like, yeah, if I get there, I'll tell you.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, if you go to Tokyo, I'm gonna come and visit you there.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, just come Middle east first. I'm spending a lot of time there at the moment, and I would love to take you on a foot. By the way, can I just both, thank you for coming to Walthamstow. Oh, yeah, those gigs.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, it was Ghost Card and Friends.

[Guz Khan]

It was. And I just want to say you.

[Ed Gamble]

Didn'T show up to James's.

[Guz Khan]

I got everything.

[James Acaster]

He showed up in the end. He had his own car problems that night. He was stuck behind a biscuit lorry had blown up.

[Ed Gamble]

Didn't you have to.

[Guz Khan]

This is true, man.

[Ed Gamble]

Climb over the barrier on the motorway and, like, run to the gig?

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, I did. And, you know, I was sitting in the back of the car, calm. I was like. And then I was like, this is life. You're gonna miss a gig. You're gonna miss a gig. What's all the fuss? And then I made a call to see what I'd be financially liable for. Yeah, I was out the car, bro. I was jumping fences, walking through cow. And we made it in the end. But I really liked it because, like, this is. This is. This is the beauty of this industry, innit? Bringing people together, new people's meeting each other. A lot of guys, some Walthamstow bad man win audience. They were both very impressed by you, too. I love that. I love the fact that Walter said bad man's mind was open. He's like, yeah, man, the man is sick, you know, looking like lawyers and that, but they're sick, you know?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Okay, guys, we'll read you your menu back now, see how you feel about it. You would like still water. You want peshwari naan starter, hot honey tenders with masala fries. Main course, tandoor style chicken shish kebab, mutton chops, lamb chops with rice side dish, more fried chicken. Drink faluda dessert. Life of French toast with four ras malai from the farmhouse in Coventry.

[Guz Khan]

That's a good meal.

[Ed Gamble]

That's a good meal.

[James Acaster]

I really want that French toast. Yeah, I really, really want it.

[Guz Khan]

My genuine offer is any. Anytime. Just pull up. It's not even far.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Cough's not even that far, is it? So just pull up, bro. Anytime. Day is a night we'll go. It's better when you just do it like goods. We're on our way. Yeah, let's do it.

[James Acaster]

I mean, the main course as well. Yeah, that kind of meat is just the best. Exceptional.

[Guz Khan]

But anything else? How's life?

[James Acaster]

Pretty good in general, you know, just getting over losing my voice, but it's pretty much back now.

[Guz Khan]

Well, you gotta have operations.

[James Acaster]

No, I don't think so.

[Guz Khan]

Nodules or.

[James Acaster]

I don't think it's nodules.

[Guz Khan]

Have you had that checked?

[James Acaster]

No, I didn't have anything checked. I just lay in bed for a few days or, you know, watch Westworld with my mum.

[Guz Khan]

It's quite rude.

[James Acaster]

What?

[Guz Khan]

Westworld's quite rude.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah. A few sex scenes in it. Actually, I forgot wasn't in bed with mum.

[Guz Khan]

Okay, yes, no, but e. Wedding. Your bed. Life. West was rude to watch with your mum, but tits at lives. Two seconds, bro. All dicks out everywhere. Don't watch that with your mum.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you so much for going to the dream restaurant, Gus.

[Guz Khan]

Thanks, mate.

[James Acaster]

Thanks, Gus.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, there we are. James. What an app with goes.

[James Acaster]

Brilliant. That could have gone on for hours and hours and hours.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, you. You really tried to, like, rain on our parade. What? We're having great chats and you're always like, oh, what you want for your main course? Come on.

[James Acaster]

It was flashing up his fingers at me.

[Ed Gamble]

Come on.

[James Acaster]

How many minutes we had left?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, you know, I've got.

[James Acaster]

I've got to spit a lot of plates.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You know, every time you've got a responsibility, like shout popping on the bed for the first time. It wasn't the first time.

[Ed Gamble]

That was like the fifth time.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. So you're constantly messing that up.

[Ed Gamble]

I didn't mess it up today.

[James Acaster]

On top of my response, you did. You did the whole, I'm gonna do it, and then you did it again.

[Ed Gamble]

That's not messing it up. I still did it.

[James Acaster]

Doing it properly.

[Ed Gamble]

I didn't say plopper doms or head, did I, Joe?

[James Acaster]

Sorry. Well done for not saying plopper doms or head.

[Ed Gamble]

Gonna be any more that I have to do.

[James Acaster]

I don't think so.

[Ed Gamble]

That's a shame.

[James Acaster]

I think we've got enough time off now before our next one that I should be able to start screaming again.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But it's nice that we've done about five.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, probably five.

[James Acaster]

Where you've. You've said popping on some bread.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, well, the first two, you gave me a lot of leeway because you were like, you told the guest, ed's gonna do this now. I normally do this, so it was a bit more. But these three were like, my proper go at it.

[James Acaster]

I actually think the first time, the guest did it for themselves.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah.

[James Acaster]

But it's about five episodes, so. And they're gonna go out at different times.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So tell us the five.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Tweet. The off menu official.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Or Instagram, Whatever you want.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And Benito will send you a sign shopping board if you're one of the first. And you gotta be quick. 50 people.

[Ed Gamble]

And same with James's trousers. All the episodes where James has got breakfast wrap on his trousers.

[James Acaster]

Yes. That's three episodes where I've got breakfast wrap poured down the left leg and a little bit on my right leg of my trousers. So you gotta watch the YouTube.

[Ed Gamble]

Only the first 150 people who get that. Right. Get a chopping board only.

[James Acaster]

Only the first 150. So you gotta be quick.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But like, you'll be. And it's very tricky, that one.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Because Ed is wearing a different top for each episode because he's changing it up. But same trousers and socks. So you. And. And trainers.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

So we're gonna figure out I got the same outfit on.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And the breakfast wrappers down my leg.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't know why I change outfit for multiple records in a day when you don't. Well, there's no point. So I sort of do it to be like, maybe we could pretend this is a different day.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

But you're in the same thing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. That means you look nice in every single one.

[Ed Gamble]

But you look nice in every single one. Yeah. But they don't really film. It's sort of waist up, so I think you're sort of fine. The trousers. And that jumper is a real peach.

[James Acaster]

Nice jumper.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a really nice jumper.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So I think you're gonna look nice in all of them. And I'm gonna look like a.

[James Acaster]

But you're like three different types of nice. That's great.

[Ed Gamble]

I look desperate. Also, I've got a cold for all of them today.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. So, yeah, I may have a different top on, but there's probably a big fucking bit of snot hanging out with nose.

[James Acaster]

Probably while you're getting told off for your car.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Getting told off in my car. I look like a bog body.

[James Acaster]

Gus did not say mo beans.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. He did not say. He didn't even say beans.

[James Acaster]

No. So completely. If anything, we should give. Goes another episode.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

As a result, he's getting another episode. Yeah. There's so much more to say.

[Ed Gamble]

It only took us, what, seven years to set this one up, so.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. And literally, you know, some guests, you go. It took a long time to get them, like, at a point where they were promoting something and we could do it. We have consistently tried to put this man on podcast and it just hasn't worked out. So this is like he was meant to be one of the first ten guests.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, probably. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But finally, we done it.

[Ed Gamble]

We did it. We did it, everyone.

[James Acaster]

We did it. We all feel very proud of ourselves. Ed's tour in America next year.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Watch Guz Khan's custom cars on Quest. I mean, I wish you and Benito a speedy recovery. You're both very poorly.

[Ed Gamble]

You're touring America next year.

[James Acaster]

I'm touring America January to Feb. Ed and I are ships in the night.

[Ed Gamble]

No. I think we might be in Vancouver at the same time.

[James Acaster]

It might even be one day where we're both in Vancouver.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And we get to see each other.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

That'll be pretty cool. And when we do, if that happens. Ed.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I'm going to take you to Rain or Shine, and we're going to get blueberry balsamic ice cream. That ice cream is one of the top five, maybe in the world.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It's good. It's so good.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, bye, everyone.

[James Acaster]

Okay, bye. Sorry, we forgot you were there.

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