Summary7 min read

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster — Harry Enfield

Date: June 3, 2026
Podcast: Off Menu | Host: Plosive
Guest: Harry Enfield (Comedian, Actor, Writer)

Episode Overview

In this episode, comedy legends Ed Gamble and James Acaster invite the iconic Harry Enfield into their imaginary dream restaurant. Enfield, known for characters like Kevin the Teenager and Loadsamoney, discusses his comedic legacy, awkward parental moments, British culinary nostalgia, and of course, his ultimate fantasy meal. Expect characteristic Off Menu wit—irreverent, nostalgic, and delightfully silly—with genuine affection and admiration.

Key Highlights & Discussion Points

1. Harry Enfield’s Comedy Early Days

Career Origins: Harry reminisces about starting in comedy, particularly his Spitting Image days in 1985, humorously noting, “My career is as long as your lives.”

“I started spitting image in January... 1985, I started doing voice.” — Harry Enfield [04:36]
Cultural Impact: James shares that his parents wouldn’t let him watch Harry’s show for being “too rude,” but would record acceptable sketches so he could keep up at school.

“It’s like everyone’s speaking a different language and I can’t keep up.” — James Acaster [05:15]

2. Parenting, Fame, and Generational Gags

Children and Fame: Harry kept his work secret from his children so they wouldn’t be “cursed” by his fame:

“I didn’t want them cursed with that kind of thing. ... So they see these three really unhappy children, staring at me, staring at the telly in complete shock.” — Harry Enfield [08:09]
Parents Using TV Characters: Ed describes how his mum weaponized the "Kevin the Teenager" character against him as a teen:

“Oh, hello, Kevin the teenager. Come on, Mum, don’t use something I love against me.” — Ed Gamble [12:41]

3. On Tour — “Harry Enfield and No Chums”

Tour Insights: Harry discusses his solo tour, joking about having “no chums” and comparing it to a “mini-Oasis tour” full of “ancient people”.

“There’s a lot of love in the room and it’s all ancient people... Not that your dad liked most.” — Harry Enfield [10:28]

Harry’s Dream Meal: The Full Menu

Still or Sparkling Water [13:24]

Choice: “Fizzy water. ... We called it fizzy, now it’s sparkling.”
Anecdote: Jokes about charming waiters by saying “sparkling, like your eyes.”

“If it’s a male waiter, I always say sparkling, like your eyes.” — Harry Enfield [14:11]

Poppadoms or Bread? — Bread (Focaccia) [18:11]

Choice: Focaccia, discovered at 22 in Italy.
On Bread Restraint: Tries not to eat bread now but admits focaccia’s irresistible appeal.
Analogy: Compares the first taste of focaccia to a child’s first chocolate (thanks to a Dawn French anecdote).

Starter — Oysters (Six) [23:10]

Preference: Mix of rock and Lindisfarne oysters, fresh from source, shucked at home.
Ritual: With friends, often oysters and chips, plus a little Tabasco.
Philosophy: “It’s just the most pure thing.”

“With an oyster. There it is. Open it up.” — Harry Enfield [25:42]

Pasta Course (Added) — Truffle Pasta [36:44]

Dish: Truffle pasta, “my favorite thing in the world.”
Commentary: Laments overuse of fake truffle oil but adores real truffle, shares Giorgio Locatelli story of cooking for Roman Abramovich with two helicopter pads.

“Why two helicopter pads? ... People have luggage in it.” — Roman Abramovich via Locatelli story [38:07]

Main Course — Pig’s “Coco Van” (Pig’s Penis, in style of Coq au Vin) [31:19]

Choice: Unexpected—pig’s penis, based on a Gordon Ramsay show experience.
Backstory: Details being tricked on TV, but finding the dish “absolutely delicious.”

“I regret I didn’t eat the whole thing.” — Harry Enfield [34:53]
Presentation: With “a little juice coming out the end, tastefully” [36:12]

Side Dishes — Greens (Horta/Broccoli/Cabbage) and Triple Cooked Chips [41:14]

Greens: Favors Greek horta (“bit like spinach”), broccoli with chili, cabbage.
Chips: “Triple cooked” (a la Heston Blumenthal).

“You want a proper chip with nice case and hardly any potato. You just want all crisp—my arteries.” — Harry Enfield [44:25]

Dessert — Rhubarb Crumble “Malcolm” with Custard (and Spotted Dick as runner-up) [57:01]

Preference: “What I’d really like is rhubarb crumble, Malcolm, with a collin custard.”
Elaboration: Finds posh restaurants calling custard “collin custard” ridiculous—but fitting for his dream menu.
Spotted Dick: Sits well with the "male-named" dessert theme.

“Well, I’ve just had cock. ... So the truffle jizz... Now I’d like spotted dick, please.” — Harry Enfield [56:04]

Drink — Chablis (White Burgundy, Chardonnay) [51:02]

Favorite: “A nice bottle of Chablis.” Finds he’s “more intelligent” after two bottles.
Wine Snobbery: Jibes Paul Whitehouse for his expensive Montrachet taste.

Coffee & Petit Fours [66:14]

Coffee: Double espresso (decaf if evening).
Petit Fours: One chocolate, one jelly.
Special Touch: Harry gifts Ed & James a chocolate lollipop with his own name from a tour dressing room:

“If you share it, you can both say you’ve eaten Harry Enfield.” — Harry Enfield [67:38]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Over-Controlling Media Exposures:

“My kids weren’t allowed to watch it... I didn’t want them cursed with that kind of thing.” — Harry Enfield [08:09]
On Oysters’ Simplicity:

“With an oyster, there it is. Open it up.” — Harry Enfield [25:42]
On Chips:

“You just want all crisp—my arteries. ... You don’t want shitty cement, you fall down. ... Your body’s a temple, so get that cement in there.” — Harry Enfield [44:25–44:37]
On Restaurant Music:

“If I go into a restaurant and there’s music, I always say, could you turn it down? I’m deaf. ... The whole point of being in a restaurant is with your chums and you talk rubbish, don’t you?” — Harry Enfield [45:13–45:54]
On “Here to Eat” App Idea (for Quiet Restaurants):

“I want an app called Here to Eat—H E A R to Eat. ... You get five stars if there’s no music, tablecloths, padded walls.” — Harry Enfield [46:08–46:29]
On Father-Son English “Man Love”:

“It mainly I show my love by taking the piss out [of them] so they do it back to me. ... If they’re not taking the piss out of me, I’ve done something wrong.” — Harry Enfield [59:39]

Other Memorable Tangents

On Truffles & Scent:

“My girlfriend says it smells of jizz.” — James Acaster [39:24]
On Name Trends:

“Malcolm... You don’t see it around much anymore. There’s no new Malcolm’s being made or Clive’s.” — Harry Enfield [58:05]
On Comedy Industry and Character Ownership:
Refers to people performing as Kevin and Perry at clubs:

“People say ‘they making this money out of you’. Okay, hats off, I’m not doing it.” — Harry Enfield [49:50]
Personalized Gift:
Harry gives the hosts a chocolate lollipop with his name, referencing cannibalism and sex jokes in typical Enfield style.

Segment Timestamps

[00:13] – Opening banter, guest tease.
[03:58] – Harry Enfield enters, comedic legacy, childhood TV censorship.
[10:48] – Touring “No Chums,” audience vibe.
[13:24] – Still or sparkling water debate.
[18:11] – Focaccia and bread stories.
[23:10] – Oysters, home shucking, oyster anecdotes.
[31:19] – Main course, pig’s coco van story.
[36:44] – Truffle pasta interlude.
[41:14] – Sides: Greens, triple-cooked chips.
[45:07] – Restaurant music, “Here to Eat” app.
[51:02] – Drink: Chablis and wine snobbery.
[57:01] – Dessert: Spotted dick, rhubarb crumble Malcolm.
[66:14] – Coffee, petit fours, and Harry’s chocolate lollipop.
[69:57] – Milton Jones, Nigel Farage story, comedy circuit memories.

Tone & Style

The episode is warm, irreverent, gently anarchic, and peppered with nostalgia and British in-jokes. Harry’s self-deprecation and sharp observations fit seamlessly with Ed and James’ playful, silly energy. There’s a fondness for the quirks and rituals of British life—food, family, and the awkwardness of affection.

For New Listeners

This episode is a must for fans of British comedy and anyone interested in how cultural figures process their own influence. It’s also just a rollicking, daft, and delicious chat about food, friends, and the importance of taking the piss out of those you love.

Harry’s Dream Menu Recap

| Course | Choice | |----------------|-----------------------------------------------------| | Water | Fizzy (sparkling) water | | Bread | Focaccia with oil, salt, pepper | | Starter | Six oysters (rock & Lindisfarne), Tabasco | | Pasta | Truffle pasta (real truffles only) | | Main | Pig’s penis “coco van” (with a “jeux”) | | Sides | Horta (Greek greens), broccoli, cabbage, chips (triple cooked, all crisp) | | Drink | Chablis (white Burgundy Chardonnay) | | Dessert | Rhubarb crumble “Malcolm” with custard (spotted dick as backup) | | Coffee/Petit Fours | Double espresso (decaf if evening), chocolate & jelly petit fours |

[Special Mention]

Gift: Harry brings a chocolate Harry Enfield lollipop for Ed and James.
Legacy: Recollections on Kevin and Perry, English for Aliens (precursor to Teletubbies), character ownership, and affectionate man-love via teasing.
Pitch: Here to Eat app for restaurants without music.

For tour dates: feign.co.uk
For Ed’s tour: edgamble.co.uk

Loading summary

Transcript1,214 lines

[00:14]
Ed Gamble
Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Taking the KitKat of conversation, sliding the nail of humor along the foil of friendship, and snapping off a little baton of chocolate Wafer podcast.
[00:29]
James Acaster
That is a gamble. My name is James Acaster. Together we own a dream restaurant. And every single week we invite a guest asking their favorite ever start a main course, dessert side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week, our guest is Harry Enfield.
[00:41]
Ed Gamble
Harry Enfield. National trend.
[00:43]
James Acaster
We're national treasure territory.
[00:45]
Ed Gamble
National treasure terror.
[00:47]
James Acaster
Absolutely. We grew up watching Harry Enfield big time, you know, if we were allowed. Fantastic. So many comedy characters that iconic.
[00:56]
Ed Gamble
I had a video of Harry Enfield and Chums. Yeah, that was huge for me.
[01:02]
James Acaster
Yeah. Massive.
[01:03]
Ed Gamble
Absolutely massive. So excited to have Harry in the studio today. We've had Kathy Burke, of course, who was also in the show and worked with Harry a lot. We just. We need White House.
[01:13]
James Acaster
We need White House. And then. And then we're into the fast show territory. Then you've got to get all that lot in.
[01:18]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[01:18]
Ed Gamble
We've had Arabella.
[01:19]
James Acaster
We've had Arabella, of course. And when I saw Arabella, like maybe a year after, bumped into her and she said, she said, you don't remember me.
[01:31]
Ed Gamble
I do, I do.
[01:32]
James Acaster
I knew you, who you were before me, like a pretty big deal. Arabella.
[01:37]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[01:37]
James Acaster
No, no, no. You don't know who I am.
[01:39]
Ed Gamble
But we're very excited to have Harry. And Harry is on tour doing his show. Harry Enfield and no chums.
[01:45]
James Acaster
No chums.
[01:46]
Ed Gamble
No chums.
[01:47]
James Acaster
One day that could be this podcast.
[01:48]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. Benito.
[01:50]
James Acaster
Just Bonito and no chums.
[01:51]
Ed Gamble
No, it's called Just Bonito.
[01:53]
James Acaster
It's called Just Bonito. Yeah.
[01:54]
Ed Gamble
And it's just. He still doesn't speak. Blank chairs. Just completely blank chair.
[01:59]
James Acaster
That's his clap before.
[02:00]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[02:01]
Ed Gamble
And that's all you hear.
[02:02]
James Acaster
That's his recording.
[02:03]
Ed Gamble
Like the podcast he used to do with Harry Hill.
[02:05]
James Acaster
Oh, yeah, he did, actually. Well, it's just a noise he did make that. You can still find those online if you want to find the Harry Hill Makes A Noise podcast.
[02:12]
Ed Gamble
But this is not the Harry we're here to talk about. We're here to talk about Harry enfield. Go to feign.co.uk for tickets. I think there's a bit of a retrospective to it. He'll be doing some characters, but we can talk to Harry more about that when he comes into the dream restaurant.
[02:26]
James Acaster
But of course, we will kick him out if he says the secret ingredient, which we deem to be unacceptable. And this week, the secret ingredient is Fab lollies. Now, if you don't remember the Smashy and Nicey fab adverts, then bad luck because they were brilliant.
[02:42]
Ed Gamble
They were brilliant. Harry and Paul doing their characters Smashy and nice.
[02:45]
James Acaster
The radio DJs.
[02:46]
Ed Gamble
Radio DJs.
[02:47]
James Acaster
Kind of bas based on like Tony Blackburn. People like that.
[02:50]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[02:51]
James Acaster
Really funny adverts. And fab lollies are delicious.
[02:55]
Ed Gamble
Yes.
[02:55]
James Acaster
So, you know, not being kicked out because we don't like fab lollies because
[02:59]
Ed Gamble
he might have picked fab lollies because he got sent so many fab lollies that he got really into them.
[03:03]
James Acaster
Yeah. Maybe it was a great time. And he's now like, here's my favorite dessert.
[03:07]
Ed Gamble
It'd be a shame to kick out
[03:08]
James Acaster
a comedy hero, James, especially for a lolly. That's very nice.
[03:11]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[03:12]
James Acaster
That we've chosen because of adverts that we thought were funny.
[03:14]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[03:15]
James Acaster
But there you go, that's the. We've made our bet.
[03:18]
Ed Gamble
This is the final episode of series 15, everyone.
[03:21]
James Acaster
Ah, rest in peace, series 15.
[03:23]
Ed Gamble
I'm on tour next year. 2027 Fresh Hell is the name of the show. Edgamble.co.uk for tickets. Tickets are on sale now. It's a funny show, man.
[03:32]
James Acaster
So funny. Snap em up.
[03:35]
Ed Gamble
Snap em up like a crocodile.
[03:39]
James Acaster
Sorry, Cyberneta. That wasn't your clap, that was me doing a crocodile. I know you thought that was your clap.
[03:43]
Ed Gamble
We would never take that away from you. This is the off menu menu of Harry Enfield. Welcome, Harry, to the Dream Restaurant.
[03:59]
Harry Enfield
Thank you very much.
[04:00]
James Acaster
Welcome, Harry Enfield, to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.
[04:04]
Harry Enfield
Thank you very much, James. I've been expecting to come here for some time. It's been a long time asking.
[04:10]
James Acaster
Well, we're very excited to have.
[04:11]
Ed Gamble
We're delighted to have you here, Harry.
[04:13]
Harry Enfield
Thank you for having me.
[04:14]
James Acaster
We've said beforehand that my partner this morning was like Harry and felt so cool.
[04:20]
Harry Enfield
She's never met me.
[04:23]
James Acaster
You were the cool. When we were at school. Not to make you feel old.
[04:25]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[04:26]
James Acaster
But like you were the cool comedian.
[04:29]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. Well, you are very young compared to me. I looked it up and my career is as long as your lives.
[04:36]
James Acaster
Really.
[04:37]
Harry Enfield
Wow. Yeah. I started spitting image in January, I think on about January 12, 1985, I started doing voice.
[04:46]
James Acaster
Wow.
[04:47]
Harry Enfield
So you were three days old.
[04:48]
Ed Gamble
You were three days old.
[04:49]
James Acaster
You know it's my birthday. Yeah, you're right.
[04:52]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, I do, yeah.
[04:53]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[04:53]
Harry Enfield
Everything about. Oh dear, oh dear.
[04:57]
James Acaster
I had to get my dad to. My parents wouldn't let me watch Your show?
[05:02]
Harry Enfield
No, too rude.
[05:03]
James Acaster
Too rude. But all the kids in my school were quoting it non stop. And I was saying to them, you know, I never really usually did this, but I had to say to them, listen, this is making my life difficult at school.
[05:14]
Ed Gamble
I have to be. I have to be abreast of this.
[05:16]
James Acaster
It's like everyone's speaking a different language and I can't keep up with it. You know, you need to help me out. Like, meet me halfway here. So they, as a kid using the
[05:24]
Ed Gamble
phrase, meet me halfway here.
[05:26]
Harry Enfield
Meet me halfway.
[05:28]
James Acaster
So my dad. My dad would watch it the night before and record it on the VHS and then the next day would show me the sketches he had deemed I was allowed to watch. And that would give me enough of the lingo in school to get by in the day.
[05:41]
Harry Enfield
Oh, well, that's good. Although I think it would have been more character forming for you to. To not be allowed to watch it at all. Yeah. Just to be completely screwed up at school.
[05:50]
Ed Gamble
Also, surely the ones at school that people talking about the most would be in the ruder ones.
[05:54]
James Acaster
Right, yeah, because that was most exciting. So I'm there going like, swear. Just quoting Mr. Dead. But they're like.
[06:00]
Harry Enfield
But they're like, yeah, but I'd forgotten about Mr. Dead. That was Dave Cummings.
[06:03]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[06:04]
Harry Enfield
Do you know Delame?
[06:05]
James Acaster
No.
[06:05]
Harry Enfield
The band.
[06:06]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[06:07]
James Acaster
Oh, yes, okay. Yeah, yeah.
[06:08]
Harry Enfield
He was a bass player in that. And Lloyd Coles. Sorry, guitarist. And Lloyd Colony. And he said, how about doing Mr. Dead? He never really took off, but we loved.
[06:19]
Ed Gamble
Might have been like a clean sketch, but I would say it was the most disturbing sketch on that series.
[06:23]
Harry Enfield
Yes.
[06:24]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[06:25]
Harry Enfield
In a box, like a horse. He's dead. Of course. Something. It was Mr. Edge in the 50s. Yeah.
[06:37]
Ed Gamble
Because I loved. I loved Mr. Dead as well, but I don't think I had any sense of what it was based on. So for me it was just the most surreal, brilliant thing in the world. It was just a Dead. A dead guy in a. In a stable.
[06:47]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah. A guy punches him in one of. He doesn't like the fact that Mr. Dead's staring at him, so he wants to punch him. And Mr. Dead goes, okay, but you'll regret it. And then the guy punches him and obviously this goes like, I think pretty much into his chest because. And he goes, I told you I'd punch it. He goes, and I told you you'd regret it.
[07:07]
Ed Gamble
Your dad like. Yep, that was fun.
[07:08]
James Acaster
Yeah. You can watch that one.
[07:09]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, I don't remember that at all.
[07:11]
James Acaster
It was Great.
[07:12]
Harry Enfield
I think he made that up afterwards.
[07:14]
James Acaster
I wish we had done quoted it in school.
[07:16]
Harry Enfield
Remember there was one, he's in the back of the car in his coffee. You know, it's a lovely old conversible. Yeah, sort of Chevy or something. I'm wearing the front and the policeman. Morning, Bob. Morning, Mr. Dead.
[07:31]
James Acaster
There's good stuff. Yeah. There was a. There was a whole school assembly where one of the classes it would take. Take it in turns to do the school assembly each week. And one. One class they just did, the whole assembly was sketches from Harry Enfield. But like, you know, we have to
[07:46]
Harry Enfield
pay for that through our taxes for education. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, that's terrible. My kids weren't allowed to watch it, just to let you know, right. I mean, obviously it stopped going out by the time they were born in 97 onwards. And I didn't even tell them what I did, you know, I just go to work, dad come back and stop doing interviews, anything like that. I didn't want them cursed with. With that kind of thing. And when they're about. I guess Archie was about 6 or something, he'd learned to read and stuff. And he's going, dad, what's this? It's a video. And it had my name on the top and it had Kevin on the front. I said, oh, that's what I do. Can we watch it? Yeah, okay. I couldn't really think. So he puts it on in the living room, right? And him and his little sisters. And they're staring at their dad being all these coats. They're really shocked. Yeah, I'm quite upset. Like this going. So then the doorbell goes, right? So I answer the door. Living room's there, doors there. Police, right? They say, have you got a great bike? I said, yeah. They said, I think it's just been nicked. One of the neighbors just said, it been nicked. I said, oh, God. Oh, yeah, it has been that. You better come in. So they came in, they start talking about the bike. And you could see they could hear it was my program. And then you could see them sort of look like that. And they could see these three really unhappy children, like, staring at me, staring at the telly in complete shock. And, you know, all I wanted to say was, look, they've never seen it before. They quite clearly thought that's what I did. Every night you will sit down, watch me watch dad do his work. That's really embarrassing.
[09:33]
James Acaster
Get the bike back.
[09:34]
Harry Enfield
No, no, no. So, bike back, yeah, from the police. Hello, it's the Police. We found your what?
[09:43]
James Acaster
That'd be the least believable sketch.
[09:45]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, right, yeah. Yeah.
[09:48]
James Acaster
Of course, these days you have. You have no chums, Harry.
[09:51]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, I've got no chums. Good link. Very tall with no chums.
[09:55]
Ed Gamble
Harry Enfield and no chums on tour.
[09:58]
James Acaster
Yes.
[09:58]
Ed Gamble
How's that? How's that been so far?
[10:00]
Harry Enfield
Really fun. Yeah. Especially having no chumps.
[10:02]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[10:03]
Harry Enfield
The last tour I did was with Paul Whitehouse 10 years ago, I think
[10:08]
James Acaster
we did a gig together.
[10:09]
Harry Enfield
Shepherd. Oh, my God. Catherine Shepherd. Lovely.
[10:11]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[10:12]
Harry Enfield
And we all went on tour, the three of us, and it was really good fun. But this time they wouldn't come. None of my friends would come with me. Maybe they weren't on my own.
[10:24]
Ed Gamble
How's. How's that been, then, Having. Having no chums. Has it been fun or has it been a challenge to.
[10:28]
Harry Enfield
Great fun. It's like. I call it my mini Oasis tour. Really? Because it's kind of. There's a lot of love in the room and it's all ancient people. You know your dad.
[10:38]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[10:39]
Harry Enfield
Not that your dad liked most.
[10:41]
James Acaster
Oh, he would watch it and show me that. He'll probably go to your tour and then tell me the bits I'm allowed to know.
[10:47]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. Actually, there wouldn't be much you're allowed to see. I say swear words.
[10:52]
James Acaster
Oh, no.
[10:53]
Ed Gamble
So is it. It's a mix of doing. Doing the characters and then also like a sort of retrospective.
[10:59]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. It's sort of like looking back and how I met people, but mainly sketches.
[11:03]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. Which. Which.
[11:04]
Harry Enfield
That's what people want.
[11:05]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. Which characters have you put in that you think people. People want to see these.
[11:09]
Harry Enfield
Well, loads of money. Yeah. Who I think still relevant. You know, richer than ever. The people were poorer than ever. Brilliant. You know, he loves that. And bucket rule money a little bit. The slops. You know, I have to do Kathy as well. I did Paul a bit, but I don't have to pay them.
[11:29]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[11:31]
Harry Enfield
And, you know, all. And write up to Harry and Paul and surgeons and things like that. That we did.
[11:37]
Ed Gamble
And you're doing Cat, you're doing Kevin.
[11:39]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. Do a tiny bit of Kevin. It's quite difficult. I'm 65 now.
[11:44]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[11:44]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[11:45]
James Acaster
Kevin's a.
[11:46]
Harry Enfield
Sorry. I'd just like to say that's very clever of me to save 65 because I'm actually 64. Yeah. When this goes out, I'll be 64.
[11:55]
Ed Gamble
Wow.
[11:56]
James Acaster
That's very clever.
[11:57]
Harry Enfield
Isn't that cool? I just literally thought of it.
[12:00]
Ed Gamble
This is what happens when you. When you're in sort of the media and broadcasting for this long. You think about all these things.
[12:05]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, yeah. I'm 65. Five now.
[12:07]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[12:09]
Harry Enfield
Your partner will think that's really cool.
[12:10]
James Acaster
She won't be. That's cool because otherwise she would have heard you say 64 and gone. Hold on.
[12:15]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[12:15]
James Acaster
Googled it.
[12:15]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[12:16]
James Acaster
Liar.
[12:16]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[12:17]
Ed Gamble
He's not cool. He's not cool to me anymore.
[12:18]
Harry Enfield
Why do they always do that? Why do these actors always lie about their head? He's not cool anymore.
[12:24]
James Acaster
He's done it by one.
[12:25]
Harry Enfield
Never interview him again, ever.
[12:27]
Ed Gamble
I loved Kevin so much, but then my. And my mum also loved Kevin, but she really weaponized Kevin against me. When I became a teenager, that did happen. It was just. Yeah, anything, Like I couldn't get away with anything. He was like, oh, hello, Kevin the teenager. Come on, Mum, don't use something I love against me.
[12:44]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. I used to feel so sorry for teenagers because their parents come up. It's like, we call him Kevin. And he'd be there like, God, I hate him so much.
[12:55]
James Acaster
Benito. When he was 12, he. He was on the night that he was gonna, like, you know, before his 13th birthday, he had planned to do the whole Kevin thing. He planned to do it, that he was going to turn into a teenager and all that. And then he. He forgot.
[13:09]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. So that's it. He's not ever been a teenager.
[13:15]
James Acaster
That's why he still comes across like a little boy.
[13:18]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. Oh, bless you, sweet little boy. I love him. I love him.
[13:25]
James Acaster
We always start with still or sparkling water. Harry, do you have a preference?
[13:29]
Harry Enfield
Yes, well, I'd like. I'd like. I'd like fizzy water.
[13:34]
James Acaster
Yes.
[13:35]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, yeah. Fizzy water.
[13:36]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[13:37]
Ed Gamble
So you.
[13:37]
Harry Enfield
Who was it? It's like I grew up, you see. I was born in 1961.
[13:41]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[13:42]
Harry Enfield
We have fizzy water as a special treat, Right. And then sometime in about the 80s, said, let's call fizzy water sparkling. And suddenly it became sparkling water.
[13:51]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[13:52]
Harry Enfield
Everywhere sparkling.
[13:53]
Ed Gamble
So you're making a distinction between fizzy and fizzy and sparkling.
[13:57]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. I'm saying fizzy waters, what we used sparkling. Yeah. Is everywhere now. Oh, God, this is so cool. And when they ask me in a restaurant, yeah. If it's a male waiter, I always say sparkling, like your eyes.
[14:11]
James Acaster
Oh, that's nice. Do they like that?
[14:14]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. The other day, one. Someone took it seriously, actually.
[14:18]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[14:18]
Harry Enfield
But I got very, very good, good service from him. Yeah, yeah, that's nice.
[14:23]
James Acaster
Instantly charming your way into, like a lovely meal because you've given Them A compliment.
[14:28]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. Because my chips didn't arrive on time. And I go, excuse me, my chips haven't arrived. And he was, like, so attentive.
[14:33]
Ed Gamble
Because you'd said he had sparkling eyes.
[14:34]
Harry Enfield
Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[14:36]
Ed Gamble
That's good. I'm gonna try that.
[14:37]
Harry Enfield
They were sparkling. They were a bit lopsided, you know.
[14:40]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[14:40]
Harry Enfield
One was going one way and one the other way, but they sparkled.
[14:43]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, well, that's what the bubbles in the water do, I suppose. They go all over the place.
[14:47]
Harry Enfield
So. Yeah. All over the ship, white all over the shop. But I do like, you know, it's. You go out. A sense of occasion, isn't it?
[14:56]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[14:57]
Harry Enfield
A little bit of fizzy water.
[14:58]
Ed Gamble
So you used to have it as a treat when it was. When it was fizzy water.
[15:02]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. And then some people, my rich friends, as I call them. No, people who were, like, better off than us, had had a water makeup, and that was, like, the pinnacle. Yeah.
[15:14]
James Acaster
Yeah. You go and get some money, you
[15:15]
Harry Enfield
could make your own sparkling water, and it didn't cost you sixpence in the old money.
[15:21]
Ed Gamble
You'd like going over to their houses and using the Soda Stream.
[15:24]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. And you put a little bit of slime in it, and then it becomes something else. Yeah.
[15:29]
James Acaster
You ever glug the slime on its own Straight?
[15:31]
Harry Enfield
I have tried it. Yeah.
[15:32]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[15:33]
Harry Enfield
Sweet.
[15:34]
James Acaster
I know you would have.
[15:35]
Harry Enfield
Delicious. Yeah. That's why my teeth are so all that slime. I drunk when I was young.
[15:41]
Ed Gamble
It is amazing when you're a kid how much better other people's houses are.
[15:44]
Harry Enfield
Yes.
[15:45]
Ed Gamble
You never. You never think about how good your own house is.
[15:47]
Harry Enfield
You're always like that then.
[15:48]
Ed Gamble
Oh, God. All the time. Like my friends, I'd go over and like the snack drawer at my friend Henry Defries his house. Wow. Wait.
[15:55]
Harry Enfield
Oh, Henry defrates us.
[15:56]
Ed Gamble
Defries.
[15:57]
Harry Enfield
Henry de Freeze.
[15:59]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[15:59]
Harry Enfield
There's marvelous human. Like to have a. I'm Henry. Come and have a look at my snack drawer.
[16:06]
Ed Gamble
Honestly, that you would not believe this snack drawer. Really, it was. I don't know if you've seen the film the whale. It was as good as that guy.
[16:11]
Harry Enfield
Oh, my God. Well, I could tell you, my best friend, School Joe, full name, he was American.
[16:18]
Ed Gamble
Oh, that's exotic.
[16:20]
Harry Enfield
And he was the first American anyone had ever met in this country. We're talking he. You know, 1968.
[16:26]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[16:26]
Harry Enfield
So he arrived with an accident like that. Well, he was more like that. Obviously. It was like seven, eight, and. But because they were American, they did all these amazing things. I mean, it Was literally like from going the other side of the Iron Curtain to like the west or something. You go into the house a. It was warm because they used their central heating.
[16:48]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[16:48]
Harry Enfield
Whereas our parents all. Turn it off.
[16:51]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[16:52]
Harry Enfield
It's already above freezing. Turn it off. It's. It's there to admire a radiator.
[16:57]
James Acaster
Sure.
[16:57]
Harry Enfield
They had a warm house and they had a whole room, a larger room, as big as this studio. Wow. And on there were these pots of sweets, like bounties and marathons. Snickers and marsh bars and things. Of course. Well. Fat Harry, have you seen that? Harry. Harry, where are you? Just gobbling up all the sweets. You can have as many as you like.
[17:22]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[17:22]
Harry Enfield
Was. In my house we're allowed two a day.
[17:25]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[17:25]
Ed Gamble
Two a day is pretty good though, I think.
[17:26]
Harry Enfield
Little ones. Oh, yeah, yeah.
[17:29]
James Acaster
That's my house. Two biscuits when you get home.
[17:31]
Harry Enfield
Two biscuits.
[17:31]
James Acaster
Two biscuits. But then, you know, if my parents were back a bit later than us. Oh, we went for it.
[17:38]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[17:38]
James Acaster
Absolutely. Yeah. And we've convinced ourselves as long as we leave like one biscuit in the bell, they won't notice. Yeah, no, just absolutely.
[17:46]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. That was like mum's purse.
[17:48]
James Acaster
Oh, yeah.
[17:49]
Harry Enfield
I thought, as long as I leave 10 pain. Yeah, yeah.
[17:51]
James Acaster
You're robbing your mum. Yeah, yeah.
[17:55]
Harry Enfield
You need the money.
[17:56]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[17:57]
Harry Enfield
I was desperate.
[17:58]
James Acaster
I love the sound of Joe.
[18:00]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, he's great. Joe. He's still a friend. In fact, I'm seeing him this weekend.
[18:04]
Ed Gamble
Really?
[18:04]
Harry Enfield
Sorry. I saw him four months ago.
[18:09]
James Acaster
Pop ups or bread? Pop knobs or bread. Harry Enfield.
[18:11]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, bread please, Brad. Yeah. Focaccia.
[18:16]
James Acaster
Oh, love, beautiful.
[18:17]
Harry Enfield
I like a bit of focaccia. Well, if that's there. Because I try and go, obviously I'm not as thin as I once was. I'm a facant.
[18:26]
James Acaster
What?
[18:26]
Harry Enfield
A fecund.
[18:27]
James Acaster
My dad wouldn't let me hear that word.
[18:30]
Harry Enfield
It's an old English word.
[18:31]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[18:32]
Harry Enfield
So you can say it. It's probably in Chaucer or something.
[18:35]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[18:37]
Harry Enfield
I try and not have bread. Yeah. Right. But if it's for catch it. No, I've gotta have it. Yeah, I gotta have it. You know, with oil and salt and pepper and all that.
[18:50]
Ed Gamble
I'm trying to facancha.
[18:52]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[18:53]
Harry Enfield
It's good for cancer.
[18:54]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah.
[18:57]
Harry Enfield
As Chelsea said.
[18:58]
James Acaster
Yeah. When? So, sorry, from what you've said about like growing up, I'm guessing you weren't always a focaccia guy. So when did you discover focaccia?
[19:08]
Harry Enfield
I think when I was about 22.
[19:12]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[19:12]
Harry Enfield
And I went to Italy and they had this bread of. Oh, look at that. You know, because you're naturally conservative, aren't you? Look at that. And then went in my mouth and that was it.
[19:23]
Ed Gamble
Heaven.
[19:24]
Harry Enfield
It's like the first time you have chocolate, isn't it? I remember Dawn French telling me about her daughter who's like sitting there and she gave her this thing, you know, she couldn't even speak yet, but she's obviously looking at it, think, well, is this a poo? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A bit of brown poo. Put it in her mouth and her eyes just went. You know, it was the Garden of Eden.
[19:45]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[19:46]
Harry Enfield
It was just that moment, you know, and focaccia was a bit like that. I love it.
[19:50]
Ed Gamble
I'm imagining it was Terry's Chocolate Orange.
[19:52]
James Acaster
Gotta be.
[19:52]
Ed Gamble
If it had to be Terry's Chocolate Orange. If it was Dawn French.
[19:55]
Harry Enfield
Right, yes.
[19:55]
Ed Gamble
That's all. That's all they have in.
[19:57]
Harry Enfield
All they have.
[19:58]
James Acaster
That was in her contract. You gotta give it to your daughter.
[20:00]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah.
[20:02]
James Acaster
Give a segment of this for your baby. Right now.
[20:04]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, now you gotta do it.
[20:06]
James Acaster
Tell as many people as you can how much you loved it.
[20:08]
Harry Enfield
Don't tell Harry Enfield. He's big.
[20:10]
Ed Gamble
It.
[20:10]
Harry Enfield
They used to make that when I was at university. They made that around the corner.
[20:14]
Ed Gamble
Did they?
[20:14]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, I was at university in York and the Terry's factory was. And the Roundtree's factory.
[20:19]
James Acaster
Oh, wow. Which one smelled nicer?
[20:21]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. Could you. Did you get the smells?
[20:23]
Harry Enfield
There was a. The smells were terrible because it. I don't know how they make gelatine, but they used to say it was like calves hooves. Yeah, sure. I think there is a bit of that.
[20:35]
Ed Gamble
It's not of hooves.
[20:36]
Harry Enfield
They're also breweries, so it smells of that.
[20:38]
James Acaster
Oh, dear.
[20:39]
Ed Gamble
The hops.
[20:39]
Harry Enfield
It's fine. Yeah, yeah.
[20:40]
Ed Gamble
The hop smell is not good. The first time I went to Edinburgh and you can just smell the hops drifting over. I learned to love that smell, but it's pretty disgusting.
[20:48]
Harry Enfield
Is that where you were at?
[20:49]
Ed Gamble
No, no, no, but just doing the festival, like going up every year. I was at university in Durham and I don't think we had any factories. No factories nearby. Just a prison. So you just get prison smell.
[20:59]
Harry Enfield
Yes. Have you been to prison?
[21:01]
Ed Gamble
Never been to. Never. Have I ever been to prison?
[21:04]
Harry Enfield
Not yet.
[21:05]
Ed Gamble
No, not yet. Sorry. Not yet. Yeah. And we don't know because this is four months time. I might be in prison now.
[21:10]
Harry Enfield
Exactly. And you know, these days, one's past comes back to haunt one a bit.
[21:15]
Ed Gamble
Yes. All my murders.
[21:16]
James Acaster
So you've done some stuff that you got away with.
[21:18]
Ed Gamble
But yeah, yeah, watch out for people.
[21:20]
James Acaster
Could go down your Twitter timeline and find that tweet you did.
[21:23]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[21:23]
James Acaster
Oh, I've killed.
[21:24]
Ed Gamble
I've killed again.
[21:24]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[21:26]
James Acaster
Just another murder. Loving it. Come and see my show this weekend.
[21:29]
Harry Enfield
Emoji.
[21:31]
Ed Gamble
But, yeah, I used to live pretty near Durham prison. Near a prison in Durham? Yeah. So sort of lived down the road from Rose west for a bit.
[21:39]
Harry Enfield
Really?
[21:40]
Ed Gamble
That's nice.
[21:41]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[21:41]
Ed Gamble
She's one of my neighbors.
[21:42]
Harry Enfield
Wow. Gosh. But you never got to be her. Never went there. No, no, no.
[21:47]
Ed Gamble
And she was a homebody.
[21:52]
Harry Enfield
She was. Well, I'll just tell you something. If I'm gonna give a plug not only to my tour, I'm going on tour now around the country. Please book. But also, if you want to smell hops in Edinburgh, there are no better hops to smell than coming from Barney's Brewery.
[22:08]
Ed Gamble
Barney's.
[22:08]
Harry Enfield
Barney's beer is one of the best beers you could possibly have in the world. Especially his volcanic ipa. Well, that's my favorite, but he does loads. Oh, it's my brother in law.
[22:19]
James Acaster
Oh, great.
[22:20]
Harry Enfield
But I. I'm being truthful about this.
[22:22]
James Acaster
Yes.
[22:22]
Harry Enfield
And when Paul and I went on tour, there was a beer snob and, you know, part of the crew, he was a proper. He knew all his beers and all that. So. Have you ever had Barney's beer? He said, no. So I got him. Somebody went, oh, my God, this is amazing.
[22:36]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[22:36]
Harry Enfield
So every week Barney send down another crate beer for the. For the tour.
[22:41]
James Acaster
When you gave the beer snob Barney's beer, was it like Dawn French giving her.
[22:44]
Harry Enfield
Yes.
[22:45]
James Acaster
Daughter the chocolate?
[22:46]
Harry Enfield
It was, yeah. His little eyes like that. This is amazing. So anyway, that's my Barney's beer.
[22:53]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. Nice shout out.
[22:57]
James Acaster
Let's start your menu proper now.
[22:59]
Harry Enfield
Okay.
[23:00]
James Acaster
Your Dreamstone.
[23:01]
Ed Gamble
You finished your water?
[23:02]
James Acaster
Yeah. You plugged that down. You had your focaccia, dipping it in the oil.
[23:06]
Harry Enfield
Yes.
[23:08]
James Acaster
A little bit of salt in there. Of course.
[23:11]
Harry Enfield
Oysters, please.
[23:12]
James Acaster
Oysters.
[23:13]
Ed Gamble
It's been a while since we've had a shout out for oysters.
[23:16]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[23:16]
Ed Gamble
Really?
[23:17]
James Acaster
It's always. It's always good.
[23:18]
Harry Enfield
I love oysters.
[23:19]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[23:20]
Harry Enfield
I mean, my friends Paul and Dan, sometimes we just write, should we have dinner? I don't feel like it. I thought we'd go to the oyster bar. Oh, yeah, okay.
[23:27]
James Acaster
Right.
[23:28]
Harry Enfield
We go there, oysters and chips. Quite often we just have that, you know, mayonnaise. That's it.
[23:34]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[23:34]
Harry Enfield
With the chips. Something about an oyster slugging down your throat. I just love.
[23:39]
Ed Gamble
Some people find that awful idea. Right.
[23:42]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[23:42]
Ed Gamble
But I think once you've had it, once you get over that initial thing of the texture, it's beautiful.
[23:47]
Harry Enfield
Well, my kids used to hate. Hate oysters. They, you know. Exactly that.
[23:51]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[23:52]
Harry Enfield
But once they finally tried them, now they have them all.
[23:55]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[23:56]
Harry Enfield
You know, so I go. Because there's a place. Place in Cornwall, it's a place down the road where they. They. There's an oyster farm. Basically, if you walk around the coast, there's an oyster farm. So I go to the farmer and buy 12 oysters for sort of eight quid.
[24:09]
Ed Gamble
You're buying them from source?
[24:10]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[24:11]
Ed Gamble
Wow, that's cool.
[24:12]
Harry Enfield
And then you take them back. Woof. Shock them. I love. I love Sharky.
[24:18]
James Acaster
Got a great image now. The first time your kids tried oysters and like, you've sat them down, they got the oysters and then knock on the door, answer it. Policeman, your car's been nicked. Oh, yeah, come on in. Yeah, come on, give kids over your oysters looking. Absolutely. Yeah.
[24:33]
Ed Gamble
Watching your show, hating it.
[24:36]
James Acaster
You're going to love both of these things.
[24:38]
Harry Enfield
Yes, you will. Now watch me laugh and eat oysters.
[24:43]
Ed Gamble
So you're. You're home shucking.
[24:46]
James Acaster
Yeah, You're a home shucker.
[24:48]
Ed Gamble
How are you? Are you good at that? I mean, it's quite. I've done it. I've tried it.
[24:51]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[24:51]
Ed Gamble
It's a. It's a tricky old thing. Yeah.
[24:53]
Harry Enfield
But my youngest, sort of now, is brilliant at it.
[24:56]
Ed Gamble
Oh, well, there you go.
[24:56]
Harry Enfield
She works at a fish restaurant, you see.
[24:58]
James Acaster
Oh, nice.
[24:59]
Harry Enfield
Bam, bam, bam. She's opened them like that. Crabs, oysters, any shellfish? Yeah. You know, lobsters, everything.
[25:07]
James Acaster
That must be good having, like one of your children works in a restaurant.
[25:10]
Harry Enfield
It's very useful. I mean, I don't live with her anymore, she's 23. But, you know, when we get oysters, it's down in Cornwall, just best slug down your throat, don't they?
[25:21]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[25:21]
Harry Enfield
A little bit of Tabasco and just the sea water slugging.
[25:26]
Ed Gamble
So you're just.
[25:27]
Harry Enfield
You're just really the most pure thing. Yeah, basically, Isn't it? Because it's like. Well, they don't do anything. You know, you have a steak, they got to get the cow, they got. Okay, look that way. Bam. They got to do all this stuff to it.
[25:39]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[25:39]
Ed Gamble
They. And they say, look, and then it
[25:41]
Harry Enfield
ends up at Tesco's or whatever.
[25:42]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[25:43]
Harry Enfield
With an oyster. There it is. Open it up.
[25:45]
James Acaster
Yeah, you don't have to distract an oyster.
[25:47]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[25:48]
James Acaster
No one's ever had to distract a noise.
[25:50]
Ed Gamble
I'm not sure they're fully distracting the cows, to be honest. Well, I'm not sure they're bothering.
[25:54]
James Acaster
I'm not sure. Grandin sorted it all out. Temple Grandin, it was. It was mad with the cows for ages. Try to, like, you know, kill the cows. All that is chaotic and not very nice. Distressing for the cattle.
[26:07]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[26:07]
James Acaster
And Temple Grandin come up with a machine that kind of like hugs them gently, feels quite nice for them and keeps them very still and calm. And then they can bolt them in their head and kill him.
[26:17]
Harry Enfield
So you know that. Yeah. This is. Who is Temple Grandin?
[26:21]
James Acaster
Temple Grandin was. I think she grew up on a farm.
[26:26]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[26:26]
James Acaster
And a film. Claire Danes played her in a film.
[26:30]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[26:31]
James Acaster
And she was basically able to just. She likes like the feeling of being like. Now these hugging. Yeah. So there's like a temple grounded, like, squeeze machine that people like to use as well, like.
[26:43]
Harry Enfield
And then bolt in the head.
[26:45]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah. They're there, they feel nice. And then they bolt them in their head.
[26:48]
Ed Gamble
Is it like when you have your foot measured at Clark's.
[26:51]
Harry Enfield
Yes. And they bolt you.
[26:52]
James Acaster
That kind of nice feeling? That nice feeling? Yeah, yeah.
[26:57]
Harry Enfield
That. When we have assisted dying. I would like that. The temple grandeur. Assisted dying.
[27:02]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah.
[27:02]
Harry Enfield
So you get this lovely cuddle from this.
[27:04]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[27:05]
Harry Enfield
It could be great big sort of rubbery hands, you know, you want big
[27:08]
Ed Gamble
rubbish that would relax you.
[27:10]
James Acaster
You would like a big rubbery hands.
[27:11]
Harry Enfield
Nice. And then go.
[27:13]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah. Mr. Dead.
[27:16]
Harry Enfield
Mr. Dead. Yeah. How many do you want? Well, it depends how hungry I want. Six, please.
[27:25]
James Acaster
Six, you said?
[27:26]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, I have a couple of rock hoisters, a couple of Linda's. Vaughn, you know, I don't know. You choose the others. I don't care. Do you know in. I once went to the Forum in Rome with my son and, you know, we learned all this stuff and did all this stuff and in the Roman days, they had viaducts going the whole way from France all the way down to Rome. Right. With. With Colchester oysters in them. Wow. Yeah. So they come across the sea, plonk them in there. It was like, you know, it's like Amazon Viaduct. A whoosh the whole way to the Forum in Rome.
[28:04]
James Acaster
Oh, wow.
[28:05]
Harry Enfield
So you could have them the next day. That's amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[28:09]
Ed Gamble
Bring it back.
[28:10]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. Well, that was it. And then, of course, that was the end of civilization very soon after that.
[28:14]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[28:14]
Harry Enfield
The Roman civilization. So, you know, and now we've got Amazon looking good. Is it?
[28:19]
Ed Gamble
I wouldn't be ordering oysters on Amazon, though.
[28:22]
Harry Enfield
Would you?
[28:22]
Ed Gamble
No, I don't trust that.
[28:23]
Harry Enfield
I don't. I don't use Amazon. No.
[28:25]
Ed Gamble
Especially not for.
[28:26]
Harry Enfield
Well, he's Donald Trump and Nina.
[28:29]
James Acaster
He is.
[28:31]
Harry Enfield
I'm not having.
[28:32]
James Acaster
He's insane.
[28:32]
Harry Enfield
He's like, oh, I just don't like these people.
[28:35]
James Acaster
No.
[28:36]
Harry Enfield
Sorry about that.
[28:37]
James Acaster
Oh, well, it's all right.
[28:38]
Ed Gamble
I think you're on safe turf. So you're having six oysters.
[28:42]
Harry Enfield
Do you, please.
[28:44]
Ed Gamble
Are you swallowing? Or is it one bite, then down?
[28:46]
Harry Enfield
Oh, no, I go crunch, crunch, like that.
[28:50]
Ed Gamble
And you always put your. Your eyes back?
[28:52]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, yeah, I do when I go out with Dan and. And pull three oysters. So we're telling a story and then. Oh, God, that was good. Glunk.
[29:06]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[29:07]
Harry Enfield
And then lots of white wine.
[29:08]
Ed Gamble
Yes.
[29:08]
James Acaster
Oh, yeah. White wine with the oysters.
[29:10]
Harry Enfield
Can we talk about wine?
[29:12]
Ed Gamble
Well, we normally do drink later on, but if you want to pair something specific.
[29:15]
James Acaster
No.
[29:15]
Ed Gamble
Okay.
[29:18]
Harry Enfield
I'm still on the fizzy water, then. Yeah. I'd sooner have fizzy water and oysters.
[29:23]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[29:23]
Harry Enfield
Glass of wine.
[29:24]
Ed Gamble
Okay.
[29:25]
Harry Enfield
I've had six of them. They've slugged down my slugs. Straight down. Yeah, yeah, like a slug. Have you ever eaten a slug?
[29:31]
Ed Gamble
No, I can't say. But if someone told me that, like, with oysters, that they're a delicacy. Yes, I probably would eat slug.
[29:38]
James Acaster
Yes.
[29:38]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, I think I would. I had a friend whose daughter. She was just really so pretty, little girl of about two, and she's, like, toddling around, and this was in France one summer, I never forget. But she did like a slug snail. And then she come in this pretty little face. You go like that, and you see this black thing. And she had a terrible stomach upset every day.
[30:06]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[30:06]
Harry Enfield
There's one day she came and you thought, oh, great, she hasn't got an isa. And then you saw these little legs around the side. It's a spider, a really big one. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.
[30:16]
James Acaster
A little bear grills.
[30:17]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[30:17]
Harry Enfield
Yes. Well, yeah. I don't believe that. I've seen that thing he did with a fish like that. Bollocks.
[30:25]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[30:26]
Harry Enfield
Sorry. I just don't believe it.
[30:28]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[30:28]
Ed Gamble
What element of that.
[30:29]
Harry Enfield
The great thing he's done is he's baptized Russell Brown.
[30:35]
James Acaster
Yeah. Yeah. That's the base.
[30:36]
Harry Enfield
I bet that's a bit Dave. Nice. That is. Yeah. I got in trouble for something.
[30:42]
James Acaster
Yep.
[30:43]
Harry Enfield
A little mucking around with someone. And then I discovered Jesus.
[30:47]
James Acaster
It's exactly like that.
[30:48]
Harry Enfield
Did you? Yeah. Who's that other bloke?
[30:50]
James Acaster
It was in the Thames as well. I bet. I bet he came out looking like that little girl with loads of, like, cockles in his mouth. Actually, it's the Thames. Probably turds. Yeah, probably turds, like turds in his mouth.
[31:01]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. Do you. Do you like in the t. If
[31:04]
James Acaster
Russell Brown's getting baptized. I do, yeah, yeah. Dropping a few numbers.
[31:08]
Ed Gamble
We're on Hammersmith Bridge with our asses hung over the edge.
[31:10]
James Acaster
Yeah. Your dream baker, Harry.
[31:19]
Harry Enfield
Yes, I've rather got off it now. What I would like, I think is Coco van. Yeah, right. But different kind of. I mean, pig's.
[31:30]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[31:31]
Harry Enfield
Penis.
[31:32]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[31:33]
Harry Enfield
Penis, yes.
[31:35]
James Acaster
The corn screw one.
[31:36]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[31:37]
James Acaster
The corkscrew.
[31:38]
Harry Enfield
Yes. I like pig, Scott. And I'll tell you why. Because I once did this program. Ah, it's terrible. Sorry. I'll try and keep it quick.
[31:48]
James Acaster
No, no, no, no, no.
[31:49]
Harry Enfield
I haven't thought about it.
[31:50]
Ed Gamble
I think you're gonna. I think you're really gonna have to explain this one, Harry.
[31:52]
Harry Enfield
So I don't take. Basically there's. There used to be. This is about 20 years ago, and a group of four of us mates used to go out to a posh restaurant every month.
[32:01]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[32:01]
Harry Enfield
And one would pay each time. So it's my turn. Your turn?
[32:05]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[32:06]
Harry Enfield
It's edged. Not Ed Bernardo's, Benito, the great Bernardo. These swanky restaurants. And of course, everyone wants to, you know, be nice, generous. So they're always really nice restaurants.
[32:22]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[32:22]
Harry Enfield
Cost a fortune. So I'd arranged to go somewhere and then the phone went and it was someone saying, do you want to come on this? Could you. You couldn't possibly tonight. Come on. A Gordon Ramsay show set in a restaurant. What? It was. Okay, right. As Jonathan Ross pulled out or something. Stick. Exactly.
[32:42]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[32:43]
Harry Enfield
And I went, okay. And I said, we'll give you five grand. Didn't tell my mate.
[32:48]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[32:49]
Harry Enfield
I said, well, what. What do I have to do? He said, you just have to have a meal. They're going to cook a meal for you in this Ramsay restaurant. Right. And then Gordon will come and have a chat for you for 10 minutes. But meal and wine is free. So I rang everyone up and said, I've managed to wangle a deal on this show. So rather than paying, I was getting fine.
[33:08]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[33:09]
Harry Enfield
Still never told them. And. Yeah. So we go along, we have a lovely meal, the four of us, you know, jabber, jabber. And after a bit and oh, yeah, that. The guy who did it, you Know, I had to speak to researcher bloke and said, what's your favorite food? I said, Japanese, which he was at the time. You know, I vary these things. And. Okay, that was that. So Gordon came over at some point, have little chat to camera. He said, now, you like Japanese food? Yeah. Okay, well, we're gonna blindfold you and give you some Japanese food. He gave me something was disgusting. Yeah. And it turned out it was like this green sick. And it was from a fish that they. They feed it with grain or something and then they leave it to rot for about a month.
[33:57]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[33:57]
Harry Enfield
And then they eat what's in its guts.
[34:00]
Ed Gamble
Really?
[34:01]
Harry Enfield
Really not very nice. Yeah. The second thing he gave me, it was like the. And of course, there are all these other people in the restaurant. The telly restaurant.
[34:08]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[34:08]
Harry Enfield
And I have a bite and they're all going. Because they put up on the screen what it is. This is delicious. It's like a sausage. Absolutely delicious. And then they took the blind pole off and said, guess what? You know, Gordon said, guess what? That is his pig's. You know, And I. And of course, being on telly, go, oh, no. Yeah. You know, and. And. But yeah, it was nice, but I. Because I'd gone, oh, no, you know, for telly. Yeah. And then as soon as it gone, Danny, my mate, or I think he was still talking, Danny said, can I have it? And he ate a lot. By the time we'd finished talking, Danny Deaton, the whole pigsty, all the thing. And I regret it.
[34:53]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[34:54]
Harry Enfield
I regret I didn't eat the whole thing. Yeah, yeah.
[34:56]
Ed Gamble
So you would like pig's cocoa van for your dream meal?
[35:00]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, yeah.
[35:01]
James Acaster
Are you.
[35:01]
Harry Enfield
I think so.
[35:02]
James Acaster
The only celeb is constantly trying to get on. I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here. Just. Just for the food. Always get me. Oh, they won't have me. Yeah, yeah.
[35:10]
Harry Enfield
They just won't have me. People say, oh, you get 100 grand or something. I ring up. I said, we want to give you two p. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not two new pants, as we call it.
[35:19]
Ed Gamble
Take your mates with you and don't tell them you're getting 100 grand. They'll be so grateful.
[35:22]
Harry Enfield
That's a good idea.
[35:23]
Ed Gamble
We're having dinner in Australia tonight. La.
[35:26]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, we're having slugs and snails, puppy dogs. Tails.
[35:30]
James Acaster
It's a pig's cocker van. That's great.
[35:32]
Harry Enfield
Allowed. Has anyone ever chosen human?
[35:35]
Ed Gamble
No, not. Not yet. I'm sure it's going to happen one day. Just people. Do you think there's People who are just curious about eating human.
[35:43]
Harry Enfield
I just love the idea that actually it's delicious.
[35:45]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[35:46]
Harry Enfield
And nicer than pork. Because I love pork.
[35:48]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[35:48]
Harry Enfield
You know, I really love pork. I think it's vastly underrated.
[35:52]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[35:52]
Harry Enfield
Because so cheap. When you go to the butcher, it's really cheap. You wouldn't know that because you're millionaires. Yeah, I know it's cheap. You know, so. Yeah, I probably have in a little white or a little juice, they call it.
[36:08]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[36:09]
Harry Enfield
So you have the penis there and there's a little Jew coming out the end.
[36:13]
James Acaster
Coming out the end.
[36:14]
Ed Gamble
Just to remind you what it is tastefully. Yeah.
[36:16]
Harry Enfield
The plate, you know, because it's round like that. And then you have it bit coming from the end of it. Just sing around the plate. Yeah, A nice sort of.
[36:25]
Ed Gamble
So nice.
[36:26]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, yeah. Just.
[36:28]
James Acaster
That's very, very nice.
[36:29]
Harry Enfield
Thank you.
[36:29]
James Acaster
Very classy.
[36:30]
Harry Enfield
Can I. Can I. I forgot. I. There's another course I'd like before.
[36:35]
James Acaster
Oh, okay. Before.
[36:36]
Ed Gamble
Before the main.
[36:37]
Harry Enfield
Before the.
[36:38]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[36:39]
James Acaster
Okay. Well, what is it?
[36:44]
Harry Enfield
Well, it's truffle pasta. It's my favorite thing in the world.
[36:47]
Ed Gamble
Lovely.
[36:48]
James Acaster
Oh, yeah, you can have a pasta course. We've had people do the pasta course.
[36:51]
Ed Gamble
I do like truffles, I think. I think it's been overdone in the sort of fake truffle world. The synthetic truffle oil.
[36:58]
Harry Enfield
Yes.
[36:59]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, I think it can be a bit overdone, but real truffles. Very nice. A lovely. A lovely treat.
[37:05]
Harry Enfield
You see Giorgio Locatelli, this cook friend, him and his truffles. I mean, he once cooked for Abramovich. Yeah. He was out in Sicily, Giorgio. And. And like, he used to come to his restaurant, Locatelli.
[37:19]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[37:20]
Harry Enfield
Abramovich, occasionally. And suddenly he gets called his insistence, you know, Bravic would like you to come and cook on his boat and show his people how to cook.
[37:29]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[37:30]
Harry Enfield
So Georgia gets taken out to this boat, how to cook truffles and shows him. Shows them how to make truffle pasta like he does. And then. So Roman would like to come and say thanks. So he goes up on deck to have a fag, and there's like two helicopter pads. One one end, one the other. Yeah. Right. This boat. And he comes up and, oh, thank you very much. You know, Roman comes up, blah, blah, blah. Can I ask you something? Why two helicopter pads? He goes, people have luggage in it.
[38:07]
James Acaster
Wow.
[38:08]
Harry Enfield
See? How many helicopter pads have you got? None.
[38:12]
Ed Gamble
I'm on zero at the moment. I've gotta be. I've gotta say. Yeah. And I'LL just take my luggage with me a lot of the time. Yeah, yeah. I don't need a separate.
[38:19]
Harry Enfield
I do the same.
[38:20]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah.
[38:20]
Harry Enfield
I go by moped.
[38:22]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, you do go by moped.
[38:23]
Harry Enfield
I did. I came here today on my moped.
[38:25]
Ed Gamble
On your moped.
[38:26]
Harry Enfield
But truffle pasta. Sorry.
[38:28]
Ed Gamble
It's just beautiful.
[38:29]
Harry Enfield
Do you like truffles?
[38:30]
James Acaster
I do. I, I, I mean, like, yeah, like. Yo. Before I did this podcast, I'd never had truffles in my life.
[38:38]
Harry Enfield
Really?
[38:38]
James Acaster
And then started having these fancy meals. Oh, this truffle is incredible. Now I'm at the point where I'm like, I hope it's not more truffle, but, like. But I went to a restaurant the other day called Perilla, which I think I've.
[38:54]
Ed Gamble
Great restaurant.
[38:55]
James Acaster
I've been speaking up quite a lot, as in Stoke Newington. Had an incredible meal. I was very, very enthusiastic. But like, the dessert I just looked at, it said sticky toffee pudding. I was quite excited about that.
[39:05]
Harry Enfield
Wrong.
[39:05]
James Acaster
It turned out it was black truffle. Sticky toffee pudding with black truffle ice cream. And I was like, oh, I'm not sure about that, actually. It was incredible.
[39:12]
Harry Enfield
Was it?
[39:12]
James Acaster
It was incredible, Harry. So when you say to me at this point in my life, do I like truffle? I'm back on board.
[39:17]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, yeah, yeah. As long as it's sticky toffee.
[39:20]
James Acaster
As long as it's with a sticky toffee pudding in the ice cream, people
[39:23]
Harry Enfield
think it tastes of socks. Sure.
[39:25]
James Acaster
My, My girlfriend says it smells of jizz. Yeah, that's what she said. She says it smells of jizz. And so.
[39:32]
Ed Gamble
Well, that's quite a nice lead into the pig's then, isn't it?
[39:34]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[39:35]
Ed Gamble
Really? Yeah. Yeah. It's sort of thematic.
[39:37]
Harry Enfield
It's nice to know what your gist smells.
[39:40]
James Acaster
Yeah, it's quite a truffle. Gourmet is. Yeah.
[39:43]
Harry Enfield
There's a lot of women who love truffles. Very happy, very stoked. Yeah, I do truffle jizz.
[39:55]
Ed Gamble
You really come up in the world. No, the truffle pasta is a, is a wonderful addition. I've made it at home once because, yeah, my wife loves truffle pasta. We'd been to that restaurant, Gloria. Do you know Gloria in Shoreditch? Italian restaurant? They do a really nice truffle pasta and I looked up the recipe and ordered. Ordered a truffle, really.
[40:13]
Harry Enfield
Delivery online.
[40:14]
Ed Gamble
Online. Got it delivered to the house.
[40:17]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. A lovely black truffle.
[40:19]
Ed Gamble
A lovely black truffle. Bought a truffle shaver as well.
[40:22]
Harry Enfield
Wow.
[40:22]
Ed Gamble
Obviously you've never needed the truffle shaver
[40:24]
James Acaster
since I imagine you probably knowing you sliced your finger open on it.
[40:27]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, I do that a lot.
[40:29]
James Acaster
And that's it.
[40:29]
Harry Enfield
Do you?
[40:30]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[40:30]
Harry Enfield
Let me have a look.
[40:31]
Ed Gamble
Well, can you see. Can you see my thumb there? There's a line there.
[40:34]
Harry Enfield
Yes.
[40:34]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. That is a scar from a dolphinoise accident.
[40:37]
Harry Enfield
Oh, I'm sorry, I only have variants. Are all right though, aren't they?
[40:41]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, they're all right generally, yeah.
[40:42]
Harry Enfield
Are you happy with your hands?
[40:44]
Ed Gamble
I think so. I mean, I can't. There's not much I can do now.
[40:46]
Harry Enfield
The same hands as the king.
[40:48]
Ed Gamble
Have you got this? You got the fingers?
[40:50]
Harry Enfield
Little. Little fat sausages?
[40:52]
James Acaster
Little stubby fingers?
[40:53]
Harry Enfield
Yes. Like he's meant to stew.
[40:56]
Ed Gamble
Yours look less of a medical worry, though, I would say. His look like they're about to pop off.
[41:01]
Harry Enfield
Oh, well, that's kind of you, but I'm not quite his age when I am, I. They'll probably pop off.
[41:06]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[41:07]
Harry Enfield
Have little fat stumps.
[41:15]
James Acaster
Your dream side dish then, Harry?
[41:17]
Harry Enfield
Oh, well, I do like halter.
[41:20]
James Acaster
What's that?
[41:20]
Harry Enfield
It's basically like greens. It's a bit like spinach or something, but it's Greek. Or they do it in. In Greece and they call it Horta and it's delicious, you know, it's just a bit garlic and all that. So I love a bit of that.
[41:33]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[41:34]
Harry Enfield
But basically I try to be good because I'm a now. So with my penis I should like some horse or, you know, the usual broccoli with bits of. Yeah. On it. You know. Chili. Yeah, chili and that stuff.
[41:50]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[41:50]
Harry Enfield
All the greens.
[41:51]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[41:51]
Harry Enfield
Okay. Right. I'd like a bit of that on the side or cabbage on the side, please. And then they say, would you like any chips? Yes. Yeah. You can't stop it.
[42:00]
James Acaster
You love chips.
[42:01]
Harry Enfield
Triple this triple fried thing. Yeah, yeah. When did they start that? It's great, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Can you get quadruple fried chips?
[42:09]
Ed Gamble
I'm sure. I'm sure you could.
[42:10]
Harry Enfield
There's a gap in the market for that, isn't there?
[42:13]
Ed Gamble
But then it's an arms race then. When does it end, Harry?
[42:15]
Harry Enfield
Exactly.
[42:16]
Ed Gamble
You know, then we're. Then we're having 50, 50 times cooked chips. I think it's a Heston thing.
[42:20]
James Acaster
You know, Heston started the triple cooked chip.
[42:23]
Ed Gamble
Feels like a Heston thing.
[42:24]
Harry Enfield
Does it? Yeah.
[42:25]
Ed Gamble
Sorry if I'm wrong, but they. They like. They're par. Boiling then doing once in the oil for a Little bit. Taking them out, letting them rest, and then frying them for a final time.
[42:35]
Harry Enfield
I really want one now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a dog.
[42:40]
Ed Gamble
I think it's very nice that you're having greens, that you're like, I have to have the greens.
[42:44]
Harry Enfield
Just have the greens.
[42:46]
Ed Gamble
But the chips, the chips are going
[42:47]
Harry Enfield
to be on this menu as well, seeing that thing. Well, I'll just have two.
[42:50]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[42:50]
Harry Enfield
And then, in fact, recently I had a lunch with some mates, including Trevor Eve, do you know, the very bad actor? No, not bad actor, I mean, very bad man.
[43:01]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah, I'm aware of Trevor Eve.
[43:02]
Harry Enfield
Yes. We'll get some chips. So I got some chips. He ate them all. Yeah, except for two.
[43:08]
Ed Gamble
So you had to.
[43:09]
Harry Enfield
Sorry, I'm eating your chips.
[43:12]
Ed Gamble
But that's sort of what you want though, isn't it? Because you only want to have two chips.
[43:15]
Harry Enfield
Yes, you do. It's like girls like Ben used to do a routine. It was brilliant.
[43:20]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[43:20]
Ed Gamble
Not. Not Benito.
[43:21]
Harry Enfield
No, no, no. Ben Elton.
[43:23]
Ed Gamble
That wasn't in his magic about chips
[43:25]
Harry Enfield
and how he'd order chips and his girlfriend at the time, before he's married, would not order chips. The girls don't order chips. And then they say, oh, can I have one of yours? Yeah, I'll buy you your own plate of chips. Just don't touch mine. Can't you have your own? Yeah, and, yeah, but I'm not like that. I'm much nicer than Ben.
[43:46]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[43:46]
James Acaster
Yes.
[43:47]
Harry Enfield
So I obviously go, yes, please have a chip. Yeah.
[43:51]
James Acaster
So the triple cooked are your favorite way to have chips?
[43:54]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, my most favorite.
[43:55]
James Acaster
So when you'd have the oysters with your friends, chips.
[43:58]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[43:59]
James Acaster
Is that triple cooked or is that. I imagine that's more French fries.
[44:02]
Harry Enfield
Yeah? No, no, well, they can be, you're right. But it's this one pub we go to downstairs, Oysters and proper chips. Yeah, you don't want. You go into a chip and there's just fluff in there. You don't want that. You want a proper chip with nice case and hardly any potato. You just want all crisp my arteries.
[44:26]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[44:26]
Harry Enfield
Nice and hard, you know, like cement.
[44:28]
Ed Gamble
I'm glad someone's saying, isn't it?
[44:31]
Harry Enfield
You don't want shitty cement, you fall down. Yeah.
[44:33]
Ed Gamble
You want to be strong.
[44:34]
James Acaster
Your body's a temple. Yeah. So get that cement in there, build
[44:37]
Harry Enfield
it nice and strong, tempo it nice and strongly.
[44:40]
Ed Gamble
Because the, the, the broad opinion on chips seems to be the accepted opinion is crispy on the outside and really fluffy and potatoey in the middle. But I'm glad someone's saying this. I just want the crisp all the way through. I want a bag of crisp.
[44:52]
Harry Enfield
Well, that's why you buy. Yes. Yeah, exactly. But I want to pay more.
[44:55]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[44:56]
Harry Enfield
Than for a bag of Chris and hot Reassuring the expensive chips.
[44:59]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[45:00]
Harry Enfield
If you get a good one. Yeah, yeah.
[45:02]
Ed Gamble
Beautiful.
[45:02]
Harry Enfield
Sorry, one thing we haven't talked about yet is music.
[45:07]
James Acaster
Oh, yes, of course.
[45:09]
Harry Enfield
Like in this restaurant is their music.
[45:11]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[45:11]
Ed Gamble
It's up to you. I mean, it's your dream restaurant.
[45:13]
Harry Enfield
I don't want music. I just want to say that. Yes, I'm deaf.
[45:19]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[45:19]
Harry Enfield
I'm pretty deaf. If I go into a restaurant and there's music, I always say, could you turn it down? I'm deaf. Yeah. Which works these days.
[45:27]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[45:27]
Harry Enfield
Because it's like a disability. And they go, we better turn it now or we'll get into trouble, won't we? Yeah. With the woke police.
[45:33]
James Acaster
If that's what they think, that's what
[45:35]
Ed Gamble
they're thinking with the.
[45:36]
Harry Enfield
The woke brigade. So we have.
[45:38]
James Acaster
They have to. Absolutely no way that they're thinking that.
[45:42]
Harry Enfield
How dare they're going, for God's sake, could you turn it down? And he's out there. Thank you. But I like to be able to. You know, the whole point of being in a restaurant is with your chums and you have a bit of food and you talk rubbish, don't you?
[45:55]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[45:55]
Harry Enfield
And if I can't hear the rubbish that's coming out of their mouths, no point.
[45:59]
James Acaster
Yeah. You want to hear the rubbish. Yeah. No music in the dream restaurant.
[46:03]
Ed Gamble
Especially in a restaurant with lots of hard surfaces and everything's, like, echoing off each other.
[46:08]
Harry Enfield
Can you start an app? I don't know how to do this, but I want an app called Here to Eat.
[46:14]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[46:14]
Harry Enfield
H E A R to he Eat. Do you get it?
[46:17]
James Acaster
Yes.
[46:18]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. And you get five stars if there's no music. There's tablecloths. There's like padded walls, like in my cell, you know, so that I can actually hear.
[46:29]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[46:30]
Harry Enfield
You know, and it's a real boat. There's a. Do you know Trello?
[46:33]
Ed Gamble
Yes.
[46:33]
Harry Enfield
Oh, I love trillo. It's. I mean, it's absolutely brilliant restaurant. But there's a new kind of the. The chef who started that restaurant called Burrow, which is brilliant in. In Covent Garden. And the tables are far enough apart that you can talk without, you know, them hearing what you say.
[46:52]
James Acaster
Yeah, great.
[46:54]
Harry Enfield
So even though there's no music, though there is a bit of music there. They need to turn it down.
[46:58]
Ed Gamble
So that would be. That'd be what, 4.5 stars on here to eat?
[47:01]
Harry Enfield
Yes, yeah, yeah, 4.5.
[47:03]
Ed Gamble
I think this is good because more and more now I'm thinking I hate not being able to hear what people are saying. And also, if I can't hear what people are saying in a situation, I do not have the, like, strength of character to say. Could you repeat it?
[47:15]
Harry Enfield
I just agree, you see, I do the same now.
[47:19]
Ed Gamble
Okay, yeah, yeah.
[47:19]
Harry Enfield
And they say. It's a bit like this person. And I just go, yes, yeah. And they said, yeah, Bottle of Chante.
[47:26]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[47:26]
Ed Gamble
You go, yes, yeah, very good.
[47:28]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[47:29]
Ed Gamble
And then they go, what?
[47:30]
Harry Enfield
They go, you're. You see, you're younger. You too young. You might not think you are, but you are. When you get to my. My mum is 95 and she's completely so. And she's really annoying, you know, because you say, do you want a cup of tea? She goes, what? Yeah, would you like a cup of tea, Mom? I said, oh, yes, lovely. And then you get up and the way you do, you say, I'll put the kettle on. She goes, what? I just said, I'll put the kettle on. The what? The kettle, you know. And it's, it's. And I'm getting there.
[48:02]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[48:03]
Harry Enfield
And it happens later because I swim in the Hampstead Ponds, Highgate Ponds. I've got stalactites in my ears.
[48:12]
Ed Gamble
What?
[48:13]
Harry Enfield
Stalactites. You grow them because they've got tiny little hearing aids you can get now that go in. And apparently they're very good. Yes, Everyone says you must get them. They cost a fortune, but they're worth having. Heavy. And so I went to get them fitted. They said, no, you've got big bone stalactites have grown in your ears. Do you do a lot of fresh water swimming? And I said, well, yeah. They said, ah, that's what it is. And you can have them chopped off, but it's very painful and takes a long. I'd sooner not hear what you're saying.
[48:42]
Ed Gamble
So you swim so much in Hampstead Ponds that you. Your ears. Like a little cave.
[48:46]
Harry Enfield
Yes, yeah, A little cave like that. You see, I don't know what it is. It might be the sort of, I don't know, the rotting corpses at the bottom.
[48:54]
Ed Gamble
Lovely.
[48:54]
Harry Enfield
Kind of let off this.
[48:56]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah.
[48:56]
Harry Enfield
Something, you know, the roadkill. Yeah, I don't know. But anyway, it happens.
[49:01]
James Acaster
Swim down to the bottom for a bite to eat. Swim down to the bottom for a bite to eat.
[49:06]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[49:07]
Harry Enfield
A bottom feeder.
[49:09]
James Acaster
Yeah, exactly.
[49:10]
Ed Gamble
So you can't have the fancy hearing aids fitted because of the. Because you've got stalactites in your ears.
[49:14]
Harry Enfield
Yes.
[49:14]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah, That's.
[49:15]
Harry Enfield
This is all another reason for why I want Here to Eat. Yeah.
[49:19]
Ed Gamble
Here to eat's a great idea.
[49:20]
Harry Enfield
It's a good idea.
[49:21]
James Acaster
I think it's a good idea. I think you're gonna maybe regret putting it out in the podcast because someone could steal that idea.
[49:27]
Harry Enfield
I don't mind.
[49:28]
James Acaster
Okay.
[49:28]
Ed Gamble
You just want to use it, don't you? You don't want to.
[49:30]
Harry Enfield
I don't mind. You know, people would say that, like, there's a couple called Kevin and Perry who go around doing gigs as Kevin and Perry.
[49:38]
Ed Gamble
Right.
[49:39]
Harry Enfield
And they look like Kevin and Perry and then post little videos of themselves and they look great.
[49:43]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[49:44]
Harry Enfield
People say, what do you think, Kevin and Perry? They making this money out of you. Okay, hats off to you. I'm not doing it.
[49:50]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[49:51]
Harry Enfield
You know, we're not doing it. So you do it and they go out. You know, I met someone the other day, a Scottish dj, and he goes gigging with them in Ibiza. They go out to. Fair enough. You know, so if someone could do Here to eat.
[50:03]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[50:04]
Harry Enfield
I would love. Yeah, great.
[50:05]
James Acaster
Maybe the same people. What if the same people did it? Then we just start taking it personally.
[50:09]
Harry Enfield
Kevin and Perry's here to eat. Yeah. I mean, I take. I draw the line, you know, if I found them in bed with my partner dressed as Kevin and Perry. Yeah, yeah. But we're tivity poo you. We could do this, can't we? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Yeah. Hats off to you. Yeah. I told her truffles. Yeah. Hey. Yeah. Someone smell.
[50:32]
James Acaster
Oh, no, sorry, Harry.
[50:36]
Ed Gamble
That was really fun because Harry was like, I heard you. Heard you eventually. And then jumped. Jumped on board and immediately jumped back on board again.
[50:42]
James Acaster
It's not echoed around the stalactites. Eventually. Yeah. Oh, he just said, is my house messages. Your dream drink? Now, you. You hinted at white wine earlier, and then you said, no, I had the fizzy water with my oysters. But, like, are we going to see some wine here? For your dream drink?
[51:03]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, I like a. A nice bottle of chardonnay. I'm afraid I'm a Chardonnay person.
[51:08]
Ed Gamble
I think it's back in now.
[51:09]
Harry Enfield
I like a Shablis.
[51:10]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[51:11]
Harry Enfield
You know, that's my favorite East Chardonnay. Yeah. It's got a bit bite to it. It's nice. Fruity.
[51:17]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah.
[51:18]
Harry Enfield
So I like. And I find I. I'm more intelligent when I'VE had a couple of balls of that.
[51:23]
James Acaster
Oh, that's good.
[51:24]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[51:25]
James Acaster
Two bottles, then. What you start talking about after two bottles of that, you don't want to
[51:30]
Harry Enfield
know, but I think they're the plate. Yeah. Bollocks. I think where you make the. Jeez. Yeah, yeah. No, I, I. It cheers me up. Yes. Yeah. Paul Whitehouse likes Montre, as he calls it. And if I go to a restaurant, see it there, I think, think, oh, Montre. And then it always says, 380 quid or something.
[51:53]
Ed Gamble
White House is splashing the cash out.
[51:54]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, he can do that. You see the fault to do that because he goes fishing with Bob.
[52:00]
James Acaster
It's the second time you've made out. Like you've not got any cash.
[52:04]
Harry Enfield
No, I got no cake.
[52:05]
James Acaster
I don't believe that.
[52:06]
Harry Enfield
How much am I getting paid to do this? I can tell you. You're making a fortune.
[52:14]
James Acaster
We are.
[52:15]
Harry Enfield
They make a go. They're like Kevin and Perry.
[52:18]
James Acaster
We are like Kevin.
[52:19]
Ed Gamble
And having a very.
[52:20]
James Acaster
Two people started doing James and Ed, going around doing off menu.
[52:23]
Ed Gamble
We would take sue them to hell.
[52:25]
Harry Enfield
You could be. Because you got to touch the old jeans, haven't you?
[52:28]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[52:30]
Ed Gamble
You could be. Yeah. Kevin and Perry.
[52:31]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, you could be Perry.
[52:32]
Ed Gamble
I could be Perry. Yeah, Easy.
[52:34]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. You've got lovely sort of optimistic eyes, like I do. Yeah, yeah. Only ginger. Put your hat on the other way.
[52:42]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go.
[52:49]
Ed Gamble
You ripped my line off.
[52:50]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah. Well, my dad wouldn't let me watch Kevin and Perry's picture, so.
[52:53]
Harry Enfield
No, no, Sorry.
[52:55]
Ed Gamble
Before you arrived, Harry, I was just talking to James about. I think regularly about when Perry has been to Manchester.
[53:01]
Harry Enfield
Oh, yeah, that is one that was on recently because of Oasis.
[53:05]
Ed Gamble
Because of Oasis. That. That went round.
[53:08]
Harry Enfield
You see, I'm not on social media, so. Yeah. People have to tell me.
[53:12]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, it went. It went around again because. Because of that saying, all the people showing up to Oasis gigs, like they really know who they are and stuff. It was great. It was really good.
[53:21]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. That was sort of based on me, really. That skates. Yeah. When I was about 15 and I, you know, went to see the Clash, got to talk to them back, you know. You what? You like Joe Strubber? Yeah, I. And you know, I came back, I sort like that. And never wanted a proper job.
[53:38]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[53:39]
Harry Enfield
Either one. Or buying job. No, I don't want a boring job. And it turned out I never got a boring job.
[53:45]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[53:45]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[53:45]
Harry Enfield
Except for today.
[53:48]
Ed Gamble
He's got.
[53:49]
James Acaster
It felt good to be got, though.
[53:52]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, it felt Good. Felt good.
[53:54]
James Acaster
Favorite Clash song. You got a favorite Clash song or album?
[53:57]
Harry Enfield
First album? Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Because that was formative for me. That's a punk, right? Oh, my God, this is brilliant. I know every word of every song.
[54:08]
James Acaster
Oh, nice. Yeah. Without playing in the restaurant, though. No music.
[54:11]
Harry Enfield
I don't want any music in the restaurant. Yeah.
[54:13]
James Acaster
Even the Clash. Even the first Clash album.
[54:15]
Harry Enfield
Well, there's no. Yeah. He's in love with. Joking on a Roll. He's in love with James Jones War. He's in love with Gaston Wall. Either one. Or Punjab. No, I don't think so.
[54:28]
Ed Gamble
No.
[54:28]
Harry Enfield
But also, you know, you have really covered. Maybe already cover. Yeah, yeah.
[54:39]
Ed Gamble
No, you know, every word. You'd not said one word yet.
[54:42]
James Acaster
Yeah. You know, life.
[54:45]
Harry Enfield
You're just square because you're square because you're not a punk.
[54:50]
James Acaster
Yeah, that's true.
[54:51]
Ed Gamble
That's true. I'm not a punk.
[54:52]
Harry Enfield
It was great being punk. You see, when you're 15, in a virgin and angry. Yeah. You know.
[54:57]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[54:57]
Harry Enfield
The best and, you know, songs come out like GLC by Menace. Do you know how that goes?
[55:03]
James Acaster
No.
[55:04]
Harry Enfield
TLC. TLC. TLC. TLC. You're full of. What's your name? What's your game? Masturbate magistrate. That was basically GLC by Menace.
[55:18]
Ed Gamble
You're in heaven. You're in heaven. When I was.
[55:20]
Harry Enfield
Because, you know, before, that was all you. See you on the dark side of the moon and all this stuff.
[55:26]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[55:27]
Harry Enfield
Suddenly you got you.
[55:29]
James Acaster
Great.
[55:30]
Harry Enfield
Great.
[55:33]
James Acaster
We arrive at your dream dessert.
[55:34]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. And there's no music, is there?
[55:36]
James Acaster
There's no music.
[55:37]
Ed Gamble
No music.
[55:37]
Harry Enfield
Oh, yeah. Dream dessert.
[55:38]
James Acaster
So silently we bring a dessert.
[55:40]
Harry Enfield
Are there any men's desserts? You know, this kind of.
[55:44]
James Acaster
What are you talking about?
[55:46]
Harry Enfield
I'm talking about this apple charlotte. Eve's pudding.
[55:49]
James Acaster
Oh, I get you.
[55:50]
Harry Enfield
Do you know what I mean? With a male Victoria sponge.
[55:53]
James Acaster
Spotted dick.
[55:54]
Ed Gamble
Spotted dick.
[55:54]
Harry Enfield
Spotted dick. Excellent. Yeah, Excellent. Spotted dick. I'd like spotted dick.
[55:59]
James Acaster
Could you imagine?
[56:00]
Harry Enfield
Well. Well, I've just had cock.
[56:02]
Ed Gamble
You just had Coco van. Yeah.
[56:04]
James Acaster
Perfect.
[56:04]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[56:04]
Harry Enfield
So the truffle jizz juice juz.
[56:07]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[56:07]
Harry Enfield
And now I'd like spotted dick, please.
[56:09]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[56:10]
Harry Enfield
I love spotted dick. You never. I mean, I'm going to be quite full by now because I've had truffle pasta and I've eaten all the focaccia. They brought a big plate of it. I thought I'd just have a little bite. I've eaten a lot.
[56:22]
James Acaster
Yeah. And you had the oysters, which had the aphrodisiac, so there's a chance that the pig stick's going to be bonerific.
[56:29]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, I am fully boned, I'll tell you. I'm going to go home, darling. I'm going to be like that.
[56:35]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah.
[56:36]
Harry Enfield
My fat tummy.
[56:37]
James Acaster
And then Kevin and Perry walk out of the wardrobe.
[56:41]
Harry Enfield
We got here first.
[56:44]
Ed Gamble
I think that the oysters only work as an aphrodisiac. If you don't then eat focaccia pasta, pig stick and spotted dick.
[56:50]
Harry Enfield
I've never. I have found that to be the case.
[56:53]
James Acaster
Yes.
[56:53]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, yeah.
[56:54]
Ed Gamble
You've got to leave it at the oysters and not then carry on eating.
[56:57]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, that is the case.
[56:59]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[57:00]
James Acaster
Indeed.
[57:01]
Harry Enfield
So I'm having spotted dick, apparently. Lovely.
[57:04]
James Acaster
With some custard.
[57:05]
Harry Enfield
Well, I mean, what I'd really like is a rhubarb crumble. Oh, rhubarb crumble. Malcolm.
[57:11]
James Acaster
Malcolm.
[57:13]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, immensely.
[57:14]
James Acaster
Yeah, of course.
[57:15]
Harry Enfield
With Colin custard.
[57:16]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[57:17]
Harry Enfield
Oh, that would be good, wouldn't it?
[57:19]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[57:19]
Harry Enfield
Rhubarb crumble, Malcolm with a Colin custard.
[57:23]
Ed Gamble
Well, this is the drink.
[57:24]
Harry Enfield
This is Colin custard. Because in a posh restaurant they don't just say Colin Custard to the. They with a Colin custard.
[57:31]
James Acaster
A. Yeah, it's got.
[57:33]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, let's put that.
[57:35]
James Acaster
It does make it feel fancy, but I don't know why.
[57:37]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, I know. And you pay an extra 10 quid
[57:39]
Ed Gamble
for that and they come and point at it with their little finger just to show you where everything is.
[57:43]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, there it is. You see a Colin Custard on the side.
[57:47]
Ed Gamble
Rhubarb crumble, Malcolm.
[57:48]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. And some James Juice on there. Oh.
[57:52]
James Acaster
Oh, thank you.
[57:53]
Ed Gamble
I. I think we can. You know, this is the dream restaurant, so I think we can bring you a.
[57:56]
Harry Enfield
Thank you.
[57:57]
Ed Gamble
A rhubarb crumble, Malcolm.
[57:58]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, thank you.
[58:00]
James Acaster
It's a particular Malcolm you're thinking of. No, no.
[58:04]
Harry Enfield
You know, I just like the name, don't you?
[58:06]
Ed Gamble
You don't see it around much anymore. There's no new Malcolm's being made or Clive's. I'm sure everything comes back round. Right.
[58:13]
Harry Enfield
But when is Jane coming back?
[58:16]
James Acaster
I think Jane's is Jane.
[58:18]
Ed Gamble
No one's being called Jane.
[58:20]
James Acaster
Really.
[58:20]
Ed Gamble
No. Susan or Susan. Because these are like. And they're the first names I think of if someone says, think of a lady's name.
[58:29]
Harry Enfield
Yes, you see. Or Anne. Yeah, yeah. My sister who's called Susan, had a friend called Anne.
[58:34]
Ed Gamble
Well, there you go. You know, it was a big, big
[58:36]
James Acaster
back in the day.
[58:36]
Harry Enfield
What's your mum Called Die. Die. You see, you don't get young diamonds, do you? You don't get young Dianas.
[58:43]
Ed Gamble
No, you don't.
[58:44]
James Acaster
No.
[58:44]
Ed Gamble
No, no.
[58:45]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. Die, princess lady, die. That's your mum in it. That's why you're a jinx, Harry.
[58:51]
James Acaster
Any queen of hearts, Mama.
[58:53]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, My son is.
[58:56]
James Acaster
Yes.
[58:59]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[58:59]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[59:00]
Harry Enfield
When he was growing up, I used to. I had a little rhyme. I can't quite remember. It was something like. Some people, some children scream. Some children winch. But the children that no one likes. A change to your kid.
[59:14]
Ed Gamble
To your kid. To your son. Yeah.
[59:16]
James Acaster
And you liked that? Enjoyed that. That from his dad.
[59:20]
Harry Enfield
He just got so. You know.
[59:22]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. And they'd be like Kevin.
[59:25]
Harry Enfield
But you will find neither of you have children do.
[59:28]
James Acaster
No.
[59:29]
Harry Enfield
You will find that. You know, man, love is difficult. I mean, maybe your generation, but my dad, you know, I think about three times in his life he sort of went like that.
[59:38]
James Acaster
Yeah, sure.
[59:40]
Harry Enfield
And you know, these days, you sort of. How do you do, man? Love? You know, you give him a hug. Because you give everyone a hug these days. It mainly I show my love by taking the piss out. So they do it back to me. So I know that they're cross with me. I've done something wrong. If they're not taking the piss out of me.
[59:58]
James Acaster
What are the piss taking? Things they say about you. How do they get.
[60:01]
Harry Enfield
You just look. I mean, look at it. So last time I went to a restaurant with Archie. He hadn't arrived yet, my son. And then my phone goes like that and it's a picture of my bald head. So he's taking it through the window.
[60:16]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[60:18]
Harry Enfield
You know.
[60:19]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[60:20]
Harry Enfield
It's nice. But that is man love to me.
[60:22]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[60:22]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[60:23]
Harry Enfield
The English way going I love you is just too American. I never do that. Yeah.
[60:28]
James Acaster
Did Joe used to say that? When? When you were kids?
[60:30]
Harry Enfield
No.
[60:30]
James Acaster
Would Joe say to his parents, I love you, Mum and Dad?
[60:33]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[60:33]
Harry Enfield
I don't know.
[60:34]
James Acaster
I said, we love you, Joe.
[60:35]
Ed Gamble
I would do.
[60:35]
James Acaster
Help yourself to some sweet.
[60:37]
Harry Enfield
It was Muv. They call her Muv. Yes. Best snack cupboard and best smelling everything. Kitchen, warm house and two tellies. Wow. Neither of them were black and white. They were both color, Joe. And you were allowed them on.
[60:53]
James Acaster
Wow.
[60:54]
Harry Enfield
Right. Rather than half an hour, you know, like your dad. You can't watch Harry and Vill.
[60:59]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[61:00]
Harry Enfield
It's nine o'. Clock. You wicked boy. You know, he's awful and I don't know why we'd pay our license. Fifteen, yeah.
[61:08]
James Acaster
Yes.
[61:08]
Harry Enfield
Go to bed. Exactly.
[61:10]
Ed Gamble
Exactly what your dad said.
[61:11]
James Acaster
Right, yeah, exactly like that. No, my dad was loving it. He was watching it himself.
[61:16]
Harry Enfield
He would watch it on his own. Yeah. And then say, you can watch this bit. Yeah, yeah, I love that.
[61:21]
James Acaster
Yeah, that was.
[61:22]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[61:23]
James Acaster
And I had to style it out at school.
[61:25]
Harry Enfield
I'm sorry. If I had a video cassette of it, I'd give you one, but I don't anymore.
[61:30]
Ed Gamble
No, I think I've still got a video cassette.
[61:32]
Harry Enfield
Have you?
[61:32]
Ed Gamble
At my mum's house.
[61:33]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[61:34]
Ed Gamble
With all the Harry and Lulu sketches on.
[61:37]
Harry Enfield
Really? Yeah, yeah.
[61:37]
James Acaster
He loves Harry and Lulu.
[61:38]
Ed Gamble
I love Harry and Lulu.
[61:39]
Harry Enfield
Really?
[61:40]
Ed Gamble
So violent.
[61:40]
Harry Enfield
But how old were you then?
[61:42]
Ed Gamble
Well, when that series came out. When was that? Like late 90s.
[61:46]
Harry Enfield
Nine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The kind of one that really took off out of that was Teletubbies. Because we did a sketch very early on called English for Aliens and we all dressed up in these big fat things but with glasses. It was like words like tree. And the word is tree. Tree. No, tree. And then I think Charlie hits it, tree. And then we'd all go, tree, tree, tree, tree. Okay. And people used to tell me after that, I said, my. My kid, my little two year old, my little toddler, they just love watching that. They want to watch that all the time.
[62:31]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[62:31]
Harry Enfield
Three years later, Teletubbies came out and it's exactly the same. Literally exactly the same aerials on the heads.
[62:39]
Ed Gamble
This is going to happen with here to eat as well. So.
[62:42]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, yeah, that's it. You see, I'm a. I'm a trailblazer.
[62:45]
Ed Gamble
You are, yeah, yeah.
[62:47]
Harry Enfield
Having said that, that wasn't my idea, English for Aliens, it was Charlie's, I think.
[62:51]
James Acaster
Oh. Which is why, I mean, famously, Charlie Higson gives himself the most amount of dialogue when he writes a sketch.
[62:58]
Harry Enfield
Does he? Yeah, well, that, I think that is.
[63:00]
James Acaster
So then he gives himself the word.
[63:02]
Harry Enfield
The one word. It's a reaction to my show because when we did our show together, I wouldn't let him be in anything.
[63:09]
James Acaster
Right. Okay.
[63:10]
Harry Enfield
I said, charlie, you're shit. Paul, you can do it. No, Charlie, you're shit, you can't do it. So he's like, paul, can we do our own show and can I be in it? Paul's going, yeah, everyone, Everyone. You know, Harry won't let us do like, oh, suits you, sir. Can we do them on the show?
[63:29]
James Acaster
Worked out.
[63:30]
Harry Enfield
Worked out really well.
[63:32]
James Acaster
Pretty well.
[63:32]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. Yeah.
[63:33]
James Acaster
And yeah, every. Every sketch that Charlie Higson's written is like a monologue by him.
[63:38]
Harry Enfield
Yes. The black. The black.
[63:40]
James Acaster
And then someone else yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All those things where he's like. I mean, they're really funny, but once it's pointed out to you, you go, oh, yeah. Every single Charlie Higson sketch is a Charlie Higson monologue. I read your menu back to you.
[63:54]
Harry Enfield
I loved him. What's he called? Bob Fleming.
[63:56]
James Acaster
Bob Clearing his throat all the time.
[63:59]
Harry Enfield
And Ted, you know, Ted and Ralph. Sorry. Yeah. I was so wrong, Charlie. Yeah. Oh, wrong.
[64:06]
James Acaster
He did you.
[64:07]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. But then maybe, you know, he didn't do.
[64:09]
James Acaster
Maybe without your tough man love.
[64:11]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[64:12]
James Acaster
He wouldn't have become what he became.
[64:14]
Harry Enfield
Yes. Yeah. He would have been still a failed. Well, not failed.
[64:18]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[64:18]
Harry Enfield
Semi successful pop star. Yes, she was. I bought his single when it first came out. It was record of the week, his first single.
[64:27]
James Acaster
Do I sing that one?
[64:28]
Harry Enfield
Do you mind?
[64:29]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah. Hello.
[64:34]
Ed Gamble
What?
[64:34]
Harry Enfield
Live with Monkeys at a. What? Live with me.
[64:40]
James Acaster
What?
[64:40]
Harry Enfield
Leave it to me.
[64:43]
Ed Gamble
Can you remember all the words for that as well? It was amazing.
[64:45]
Harry Enfield
It was like before it was funk meets punk.
[64:50]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[64:50]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[64:50]
James Acaster
I love it.
[64:51]
Harry Enfield
Right before trouble, funk and all that. Yeah. They were doing like little funky things. Yeah. And their first record got record of the week. And after that, every record they had out was just. Just panned. Yeah. I don't know why. They were just like. I don't know what happened there, but she drove them to their gigs. In the early days, when I was doing a double act with my friend Brian to earn a bit of money, I would say driver, we went to Arrows with University. Drive the van for them.
[65:20]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[65:20]
Harry Enfield
Roadie. Yeah.
[65:22]
James Acaster
And what was that first single called? What was the band called?
[65:24]
Harry Enfield
I Don't Want to Live with Monkeys by the Higsons.
[65:27]
James Acaster
Great. If you look it up immediately.
[65:31]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, well, you can look it up on. On the Spotify and you will see it.
[65:35]
James Acaster
Wow, that's exciting. I didn't know that existed.
[65:38]
Harry Enfield
Well, you don't know much then, do
[65:40]
Ed Gamble
you,
[65:42]
James Acaster
vj, man, you're back. Now tell me what you think of it. You would like fizzy water. You would like focaccia with olive oil and salt. You want six oysters including rock and lindisfarne with tabasco. You want truffle pasta. You want a pig's cockavan. You would like hotter broccoli with chili cabbage and triple cooked chips on the side. Drink a bottle of shabli and dessert, Rhubarb crumble. Malcolm with a colling custard.
[66:07]
Harry Enfield
Thank you very much.
[66:08]
Ed Gamble
Perfect.
[66:09]
James Acaster
How's that sound?
[66:10]
Harry Enfield
That sounds good.
[66:12]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[66:13]
Harry Enfield
What about coffee? Or don't we do that.
[66:15]
James Acaster
Oh, you can have a coffee after. What. What kind of coffee do you like?
[66:18]
Harry Enfield
I like a double espresso, decaf if it's the evening.
[66:21]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[66:21]
Harry Enfield
Otherwise I don't sleep. Sleep.
[66:22]
James Acaster
Yeah. Yeah, we can. We can bring that over, I mean, because it's a dream restaurant.
[66:25]
Harry Enfield
And what about, you know, petty force?
[66:28]
James Acaster
Oh, yeah, you can have some petty.
[66:29]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[66:30]
James Acaster
What, your favorite types of petty force?
[66:32]
Harry Enfield
I like one chocolate and one jelly.
[66:35]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[66:36]
Harry Enfield
One jelly one.
[66:37]
James Acaster
Yeah. Yeah.
[66:38]
Harry Enfield
We'll bring you one chocolate, one jelly of petty force. Would you like a patty one? I brought you something.
[66:43]
Ed Gamble
You brought something. This is an envelope that's been.
[66:46]
James Acaster
Yes.
[66:46]
Ed Gamble
It's been on the table for the hook.
[66:48]
James Acaster
Okay.
[66:48]
Ed Gamble
Yes.
[66:50]
Harry Enfield
Okay, There.
[66:51]
Ed Gamble
For Ed And James, happy 20th of March. But it's not the 20th of March, remember?
[66:56]
Harry Enfield
No. Yeah, Sorry, do it again.
[66:59]
Ed Gamble
Okay.
[67:01]
Harry Enfield
Of November for Ed and James, Happy Of October.
[67:06]
Ed Gamble
Thank you.
[67:08]
James Acaster
Opening the envelope. So there's a petty one in here.
[67:11]
Ed Gamble
There's a petty one in here. We're going to share this, James.
[67:14]
James Acaster
Oh.
[67:15]
Ed Gamble
Oh, wow.
[67:16]
James Acaster
It's a chocolate lolly that says Harry Enfield on it.
[67:18]
Harry Enfield
Yes.
[67:21]
Ed Gamble
I love this.
[67:21]
Harry Enfield
Yes.
[67:22]
Ed Gamble
Thank you, Harry.
[67:23]
Harry Enfield
I. I played the Reading hexagon.
[67:26]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[67:26]
Harry Enfield
And that was in my dressing room.
[67:27]
Ed Gamble
Oh, okay. Right. So. Because initially I thought you'd been somewhere and had a chocolate message lollipop made with just simply your own name on it.
[67:36]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, yeah. That's the kind of thing I do.
[67:38]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[67:39]
Harry Enfield
But it was in there and I thought, wouldn't it be nice? Because if you share it, you can both say you've eaten Harry Enfield.
[67:45]
Ed Gamble
Yes.
[67:46]
Harry Enfield
Yes.
[67:46]
Ed Gamble
Do you want the Harry or the Enfield?
[67:48]
James Acaster
The cannibalism. Yeah.
[67:51]
Ed Gamble
Thank you.
[67:52]
Harry Enfield
It's got a little sexual sort of nuance to it.
[67:55]
James Acaster
Yes, yes.
[67:56]
Ed Gamble
Many things do.
[67:57]
Harry Enfield
Oh, yes. So, whoever your next guest is, have you ever eaten Harry M. Yeah.
[68:02]
Ed Gamble
There we go.
[68:03]
Harry Enfield
Do you like it?
[68:04]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, I love it.
[68:05]
James Acaster
I'm just gonna go this.
[68:05]
Ed Gamble
I love that. The ribbon just left you a lolly with your own name.
[68:09]
Harry Enfield
Yes.
[68:09]
Ed Gamble
It's sweet, isn't it?
[68:10]
Harry Enfield
Isn't it sweet? Yeah.
[68:12]
James Acaster
You, the stick.
[68:12]
Ed Gamble
Thank you.
[68:13]
Harry Enfield
Have you played the Reading Hexagon?
[68:14]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, I played the Reading Hexagon a few times, actually, and they have never left me a chocolate lolly with my name on it.
[68:19]
Harry Enfield
Really?
[68:19]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[68:20]
James Acaster
I did it once. Support in Milton Jones. And afterwards an audience member hated my set so much because they went to see Milton and I was just the support act. They were annoyed. They were support. So they went on my Wikipedia and they altered my Wikipedia to say that my performance at the reading, Hexagon was so abysmal that afterwards I was confronted about the poor quality of my comedy and I burst into tears. That's what they wrote on there. Yeah, yeah.
[68:45]
Harry Enfield
And was it true?
[68:46]
James Acaster
I don't think so. I don't remember it.
[68:48]
Harry Enfield
Oh, but you've remembered that.
[68:50]
James Acaster
I remember that because it was a. It was like my dad at the time used to.
[68:54]
Harry Enfield
Your dad at the time?
[68:57]
James Acaster
Yeah, he used to monitor my Wikipedia. Yeah. I didn't ask him to, but he would go, now, James, someone's put this. Just checking if it's true or not. Because if it's not, I'll take it down. Like, dad, if it is true, I hope you would take it down. Yeah. But he's like, no, just if it's. If it's not true, I'll take it down. If it's factually inaccurate, yes. So did you cry or not?
[69:14]
Harry Enfield
I wonder who that was.
[69:16]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[69:17]
Ed Gamble
Milton.
[69:18]
Harry Enfield
Good old dad at the time. Yeah, yeah, lovely dad. I've only met Milton Jones once, and Paul and I, we were on tour and there was Milton Jones and one other of those young comedians, as I call you, young people, Young Milton. We're staying in the same hotel as, as I say, in Manchester. And then we're chatting away and then, you know, they're over there and we just go, you're right. Like that. You know, who are they? But I knew who Milton Jones was. Yeah, very funny. I went, hello, Paul. And I went over there, had a bit of a drink, and then something's. His voice goes, harry, turn around, it's Nigel Farrar.
[69:58]
Ed Gamble
Oh, my God.
[69:59]
Harry Enfield
So. Oh, Nigel, hello. What are you doing here? Well, he'd done a sketch with us, see. When Was this? About 15 years ago, when he was a joke.
[70:10]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[70:10]
Harry Enfield
Really? We did a sketch where we're trying to be more like Ricky Gervais so we can be more successful. Right, okay, so it's about the time of extras. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're talking like that.
[70:20]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[70:21]
Harry Enfield
Oh, and then we have an A list celebrity come around. Yeah, it's my house celebrity. Yeah, Coming around. Yeah. Harry's A list celebrity man, mate, and it's Nigel Farage. And he comes in and, you know, the joke is, it's not David Bowie.
[70:36]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[70:37]
Harry Enfield
You know, it's. It's this joke figure. Well, then, of course, it all kicked off. He was a joke.
[70:43]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah.
[70:43]
Harry Enfield
You know, and suddenly it's like, oh, my God. So there we are in this bar, you know, having a little drink and there's nice frying. He was very nice when he came to us. He didn't ask, you know, didn't even ask for a sandwich, anything. He just came and did it. Very professional. Felt off and so of course I had to get him a drink, you know, I could not get my drink. You could see Milton Jones. So I like neck my drink. So. Oh, go, go to bed, you know.
[71:11]
Ed Gamble
Bye.
[71:11]
Harry Enfield
Bye. Leave Paul there with him. Where?
[71:14]
Ed Gamble
Just off straight away. That's so funny.
[71:16]
Harry Enfield
And then of course, Milton Jones and his mate, they came over and.
[71:20]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[71:20]
Harry Enfield
Sat up half the night with him.
[71:22]
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
[71:22]
Harry Enfield
Drinking with him. Him. These young comedians.
[71:25]
James Acaster
I have heard that story from Milton. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw Milton pretty soon after that. He was like, guess what happened the other day.
[71:35]
Ed Gamble
Harry, thank you so much for coming to the dream restaurant and thank you so much for our Harry Enfield lollipop.
[71:40]
Harry Enfield
Thank you. Do you eat? Oh, you can't.
[71:42]
Ed Gamble
I will, I'll just. I'll induct in a sec and I'll. Yeah, I'll just need to give some insulin. I've got haremphy jamfi.
[71:51]
Harry Enfield
Thank you for eating my chocolate with such a plum.
[71:53]
James Acaster
It's straight away.
[71:54]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah, he does that.
[71:55]
Harry Enfield
He really.
[71:57]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah.
[71:57]
Harry Enfield
Like a teenager, young forever. That with Kathy, she really understood the teenage months. So if we had a meal scene, she'd always just go everything really quickly. Like this is not a time where you have a conversation, you know, just eat that desperation. That was like that, that.
[72:18]
James Acaster
I tell you what the. I mean, before we go, what your secret ingredient for this episode was a. A lolly. No, a fab lolly.
[72:30]
Harry Enfield
A Lion's Made Fab.
[72:31]
James Acaster
A fab. Of course, because you, you.
[72:33]
Harry Enfield
I did an advert with Paul, you love. They're lollipop tastic.
[72:37]
James Acaster
Yeah.
[72:39]
Harry Enfield
They're not even called Lion's Made anymore. No, they're called, I don't know, Nestle or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[72:44]
James Acaster
But that. Everyone loved those adverts. You were smashing nicely.
[72:47]
Harry Enfield
So I needed to say lines made fab.
[72:51]
Ed Gamble
Yeah. If you said fab lollies, this was not on your dream menu. This was a gift and it's not a fab.
[72:56]
James Acaster
This reminded me that you're fine. We were going to get you with a lolly. If you said. If you said a fab.
[73:00]
Harry Enfield
Yeah. Wow.
[73:01]
Ed Gamble
Kick you out.
[73:02]
Harry Enfield
I didn't say anything was fab.
[73:04]
Ed Gamble
No, no, no, no, no.
[73:05]
Harry Enfield
Thank God for that.
[73:06]
Ed Gamble
Said a lot. God, I thank you so much, Harry.
[73:10]
Harry Enfield
Thank you very much. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
[73:18]
Ed Gamble
Well, there we are. What a delight to meet Harry Enfield. James.
[73:21]
James Acaster
Brilliant stuff.
[73:22]
Ed Gamble
Lovely menu, lovely menu. Great guy, Great guy.
[73:26]
James Acaster
And he gave us a little petit four at the end.
[73:28]
Ed Gamble
He did. He gave us a chocolate lolly. I left my half until after I'd had my lunch. And then James had it.
[73:33]
James Acaster
Yep. I had the whole chocolate lolly.
[73:35]
Harry Enfield
Yes.
[73:36]
James Acaster
I liked it. Yeah, it was good. Yeah, thanks. The Redding Redding Hexagon. Yeah.
[73:41]
Ed Gamble
I gotta say, reading Hexagon. Step your game up. I think I'll be on there on my tour Fresh hell next year. Tickets on sale now@gambles.co.uk I'd like a chocolate lolly reading Hexagon, but I want Harry Enfield written on mine.
[73:53]
James Acaster
Yes. Didn't say fab lolly. So we didn't kick him out.
[73:56]
Ed Gamble
No, exactly. We didn't kick him out.
[73:58]
James Acaster
And I. I told him I fessed up that ingredient.
[74:02]
Ed Gamble
Yeah, it was. It was already the end of the episode. I think that's fine.
[74:05]
Harry Enfield
Yeah, that's fine. Yeah.
[74:06]
Ed Gamble
Make sure you go and see Harry Enfield. And no chums on tour. Fain.co.uk for tickets. Oh, and we got sent something.
[74:13]
Harry Enfield
Woo.
[74:14]
Ed Gamble
The good people at Drumroll. Kerrygold.
[74:18]
James Acaster
Pretty cool, this is. Since series one, Kerrygold has been getting shout outs on the pod. It's always meant a lot to us, Kerrygold. And we're very excited, genuinely, that they've reached out and sent these to us.
[74:30]
Ed Gamble
This is from Kerrygolden All Day Goods.
[74:32]
James Acaster
Okay.
[74:33]
Ed Gamble
And there's stickers in here.
[74:35]
James Acaster
Got some butter stickers, which I was gonna be like, I don't need these, but. But my partner is going through a massive sticker phase and she absolutely loves this kind of.
[74:45]
Ed Gamble
So James's partner is of age, by the way.
[74:48]
James Acaster
Yeah. Just so you know.
[74:50]
Ed Gamble
I just think you need to be careful with phrases like sticker phase.
[74:53]
James Acaster
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was.
[74:55]
Ed Gamble
I was poor because my wife loves
[74:58]
James Acaster
stickers and stuff, but poor word in sticker phases.
[75:00]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[75:01]
James Acaster
Saying she's going for a phase and it's.
[75:02]
Harry Enfield
Yeah.
[75:03]
Ed Gamble
This is a gorgeous butter knife. And I can say that now I'm 40.
[75:07]
James Acaster
The weight of it.
[75:08]
Ed Gamble
It's a good weight. It's a beautiful marbling effect on the handle.
[75:11]
James Acaster
I love the shape of it. I mean, look, I know a lot of you might be thinking, oh, they do unboxing things now and they're doing, like paid promo. We're not, we're not.
[75:17]
Ed Gamble
We just got sent these.
[75:18]
James Acaster
We've genuinely been sent this and we're quite excited about it. And this is our genuine reaction which is that we like the weight and
[75:23]
Ed Gamble
the shape of it and the marble effect.
[75:25]
James Acaster
It's a genuine special moment in our lives now that we've been given these.
[75:29]
Ed Gamble
Thanks to all Day Goods and to Kerrigold for sending the butter knife. This edgy this pod, isn't it? It's pretty edgy pod. Thanks for the butter knives and it quite amusing, James. It says best before where you would normally have on a bit of butter. It says best before breakfast, lunch and dinner.
[75:44]
James Acaster
That's good.
[75:44]
Ed Gamble
That's good.
[75:45]
James Acaster
That is good stuff.
[75:47]
Ed Gamble
Cheers.
[75:48]
James Acaster
Cheers. Oh, before you go, episode 232 of Off Menu. What a good episode.
[76:05]
Harry Enfield
Who was the guest on that episode?
[76:06]
James Acaster
It was so funny. Oh yeah, that's right, it was me, Stuart Laws.
[76:10]
Harry Enfield
Why am I here now?
[76:11]
James Acaster
It's because I have my own podcast. It's called Weak Minded with Stuart Laws and Damon Bamra. It's recently award winning. It's a weekly funny, warm check in. I recommend it.
[76:21]
Harry Enfield
Look, if you liked episode 232 and who didn't listen to Weak Minded with
[76:26]
James Acaster
Stuart Laws and Damon Bamra. Thank you.