John Mulaney

Summary

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster: John Mulaney (April 8, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this episode, comedians Ed Gamble and James Acaster welcome the acclaimed US stand-up and writer John Mulaney into their imaginary “dream restaurant.” Together, they sift through Mulaney’s choices for his perfect meal—starter, main, side, dessert, and drink—while veering into tangents about comedy, nostalgia, and food culture. Friendly banter, deep dives into showbiz, and Mulaney’s signature surreal but relatable humor define the tone. Along the way, the trio dissect the logistics and emotional baggage of meal choices, reminisce about shared showbiz experiences, and lightly roast each other’s obsessions and anxieties.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction and Menu Rituals

• [02:28] Ed likens the show to a ‘grilled conversation sandwich,’ setting the episode’s playful tone.
• [02:46] The hosts explain the format: guests reveal each course of their dream meal.
• [06:41] Secret ingredient for ejection: "One black coffee"—a nod to Mulaney’s famous routine about his dad (07:03).

Quote

“If he does order that, then, you know, he’s become his dad.”
—James Acaster [07:09]

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2. Mulaney Arrives at the Restaurant

• [08:27] John Mulaney enters and instantly picks up on the behind-the-scenes rituals ("Ben’s clap") [08:31].
• [09:17] Mulaney jokes about his fans being called “Millenniacs” [09:17], riffing on the absurdity of fan culture.

Quote

"They’re good people in extraordinary circumstances… thrust into this fandom they didn’t know they were signing up for."
—John Mulaney [09:19]

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3. UK vs. US Food Culture

• [12:02] Hosts ask what Mulaney enjoys in the UK vs. US; discussion veers into Trader Joe’s, Aldi, and favorite snacks (Scandinavian Swimmers, garlic crunch) [13:02].
• [14:19] Mulaney comments on London’s diversity vs. NYC:

Quote

“People think New York is very diverse, but it’s not… London is a very diverse city. It’s nice to just walk around and be among diversity.”
—John Mulaney [14:28]

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4. Showbiz Tangents: The Cinderella Mouse

• [15:01–19:10] Acaster recounts replacing Mulaney last-minute in a film (Cinderella), playing “John the Mouse”—hair styled specifically to match Mulaney’s look. Both laugh at the oddities of set life and name confusion.
• [20:10] Mulaney reveals it would have been his first live-action film role; their mutual awe for the history of Pinewood Studios and tales of James Cameron’s dramatic exit (22:23).

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5. On Set with SNL and Banter

• [27:16] Mulaney details his experience at long SNL dinners and the travails of sparkling water (restroom frequency) [27:44]. Acaster probes whether sparkling water makes you urinate more.
• [29:10] Ed and John riff on the bladder control and old-school entertainment mythos of not leaving the table for a break, referencing Lorne Michaels [28:41].
• [30:12] Mulaney confirms Will Forte’s notorious SNL pranks (interrupting urination)—as weird for the prankster as for the target [30:16].

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6. The Menu: Course by Course

Water

• [27:27] John switches from sparkling to still due to too many bathroom breaks at meals.

Bread/Poppadoms

• [47:51] Prefers poppadoms (not expanded much upon).

Starter: French Onion Soup

• [37:46] Mulaney chooses French onion soup, but is “mad at it” because the best part is the cheesy top:
  • Quote: “French pizza… and then underneath, was there a flood? Like, one of the least fun things underneath the most fun top.” —John Mulaney [37:55]
  • Hates “wet bread” and hot, scalding soup underneath.

Main: Chicken Parmesan

• [47:19] Chicken parm is the ultimate comfort, despite back-to-back cheese courses.
• On obligatory spaghetti: "The crusted bready cheese on the chicken is enough starch. Yeah, I’m good." [48:03]

Side: Hen of the Woods Mushrooms

• [55:23] Chooses hen of the woods mushrooms—praises their savoriness, admits it doesn’t conventionally “go” with chicken parm, but “who cares” [55:40].

Drink: Cherry Coke

• [69:10] Calls it “pretty arbitrary… so carbonated, right? So obviously at that point in the meal I’m okay with it.” [69:17]
• On alcohol with meals: Wonders aloud at the logic of wine pairing, gently ribbing wine “ceremony.”

Dessert: Sour Patch Kids and a Cigarette

• [76:22] Most personal choice: Outside in the cold during rehab, savoring Sour Patch Kids and a cigarette is a core memory [76:22].
• “Just a very nice candy memory.” [77:41]
• Additional contenders: Banana cream pie (Joe Allen), sticky toffee pudding.

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7. Food, Family, and Nostalgia

• [63:28] James is a huge fan of “The Sack Lunch Bunch” and “Grandma’s Got a Boyfriend."
  • Mulaney shares the real family story behind “Paul/David” and familial resistance to change [64:13].
• [68:08] Mulaney on his father's stoic lawyer persona:
  • “He had no family photos… just a federal judge. I don’t want anyone to know anything about me.” [68:55]

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8. SNL, The Bear, and Showbiz Inside Jokes

• [43:09] Discussing Mulaney’s role as a guest star on “The Bear” and the intensity of ensemble acting [43:09].
• [45:16] Both hosts share how they doubted, then adored, the cameo-packed “Fishes” episode of The Bear.
• [46:25] Mulaney admits feeling genuinely scared when Jamie Lee Curtis (in character) berated Sarah Paulson on set [46:20].
• [47:05] On “Seven Fishes” and Italian-American traditions—Mulaney has never attended such a dinner but loves the food.

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9. British & American Comedy Clubs, Regional Foods

• [49:59] Ed and John swap tales of the chicken parmo (northern British after-pub delicacy) [50:06].
• [52:33] Mulaney anecdotes about US comedy clubs with silly names (“Go Bananas,” “Rooster T. Feathers”) [52:39].

10. Snack & Food Culture Nostalgia

• [58:07] Mushroom taxonomy debate: are mushrooms vegetables? (Answer: Fungus.)
• [61:28] Extended sidebar on how movies treat “fat kids,” e.g., “The Goonies,” and the behind-the-scenes pressure to maintain child actors’ physical type [60:36].

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• John on soup:
  "I’m not amazed by wet bread. That’s almost like the insulation under the pizza."
  [38:49]

• On fan culture:
  "Millenniacs... ordinary people thrust into this fandom."
  —John Mulaney [09:19]

• On family:
  “He had no family photos… I don’t want anyone who walks in here to know anything about me.”
  —John Mulaney about his father [68:55]

• On Sour Patch Kids in rehab:
  “Eating Sour Patch Kids and repeating gossip. That I really appreciate.”
  —Ed, quoting John from SNL [76:41]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | | ------------------------------------- | ----------- | | Intro, secret ingredient setup | [06:41] | | Mulaney joins, “Millenniacs” joke | [09:17] | | UK vs US food culture (Trader Joe’s) | [12:02] | | The Cinderella Mouse story | [15:01] | | Pinewood Studios, James Cameron | [22:23] | | Still vs. sparkling water debate | [27:27] | | Will Forte’s SNL pranks | [30:12] | | John’s bad butter experiences | [33:08] | | Dream menu starts | [37:42] | | Starter: French onion soup | [37:46] | | Main: Chicken parm | [47:19] | | Side: Hen of the Woods mushrooms | [55:23] | | Drink: Cherry Coke | [69:10] | | Dessert: Sour Patch Kids & cigarette | [76:22] | | Sack Lunch Bunch/Grandma’s Got BF | [63:28] | | Comedy clubs & regional foods | [49:59] |

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The Dream Menu (John Mulaney’s Choices Recap)

• Still Water: Abandoned sparkling due to too many bathroom trips.
• Poppadoms: Even in a mainly Italian-American meal, John welcomes them.
• Starter: French onion soup (“mad at it,” loves the cheesy top, not the soup).
• Main: Chicken parmesan (“can’t shake a stick at it ever”).
• Side: Hen of the woods mushrooms (doesn’t care if it “matches”).
• Drink: Cherry Coke (embraces the carbonation—despite anti-sparkling stance earlier).
• Dessert: A bag of Sour Patch Kids and a cigarette ("just a very nice candy memory").

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Conclusion & Tone

This episode of Off Menu delivers quintessential Off Menu joy: laughs, highly specific food nostalgia, digressions about comedy life, and gentle deconstruction of food rituals. Mulaney’s menu is sincere and weirdly relatable—a mix drenched in cheese, nostalgia, and an eye for rituals that are both comforting and a bit absurd. The conversation is warm, quick-witted, and peppered with behind-the-scenes tales of showbiz mayhem, all in the trio’s signature style.

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Memorable Closer

“Looking back, I went with Hen of the Woods, and that’s what it is. It sticks out… but we open in two days, and that’s gonna be what we go with.”
—John Mulaney on his menu’s integrity [82:39]

Listen for:
Food obsessions, theatrical anecdotes, secrets of efficient urination, the true pain of cold butter, and John Mulaney at his most relaxed and mischievous.

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[End of summary.]

Transcript

[A]

This is James Acaster. I'm on tour with my show James Acaster. We've added some extra London dates on the I want to say 1st and 2nd of August at the Royal Festival hall and also the Blackpool dates, which are pretty soon actually what they're not sold out. Come please buy tickets to the Blackpool one and there's some others as well that still aren't sold. Glasgow springs to mind. New Newcastle springs to mind also. So come and see the show. I'm very proud of it. Ed's yawning [e-mail]

[B]

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[C]

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[D]

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[E]

Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast. Taking the white bread of conversation, layering in between the slices, the ham of fun, the cheese of chat, grilling it in a pan of cheeky butter and then sprinkling with the icing Sugar of friendship. James.

[A]

That is it. Gamble. My name is James Acaster. Together we own a dream restaurant. And every single week we invite in a guest and asking their favourite starter, main course, dessert side dish, drink. Not in that order. And this week our guest is John Mulaney.

[E]

John Mulaney. What? I was doing a Monte Cristo sandwich there. Do you know of these sandwiches?

[A]

I love them. If a Monte Cristo is on the menu, I have to order it. It's one of those things that. That's the rule. Yeah. Always get a Monte Cristo when it's on there. Triple decker diner in Greenpoint. The best Montecristo I've ever had.

[E]

And that is just basically icing sugar on like a fried bread sandwich, essentially, isn't it?

[A]

Yeah, it's like French toast.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

With the Monte Cristo. Triple D Eco diner is loads of ham and turkey and just. I think there's a third meat in there with this French toast. And when I had it, I was not having a good time that week. I went in.

[E]

No one is eating one of those things if they're having a good time.

[A]

Well, I'm having one, whatever. That's the rule.

[E]

So you're having it when you're eating it, but no one goes, I'm going to have that because I'm in a good mental place.

[A]

I think I might do. But yes, I take your point.

[E]

Yes.

[A]

But it was delicious. It was so good. And that is the best Monte Cristo I've had anywhere.

[E]

This is the first time we've had to do the intros on camera, by the way, if you're just listening, we're doing this intro on camera for the YouTube.

[A]

Don't like it.

[E]

I think we're fine now. I think me doing that down the barrel felt uncomfortable.

[A]

I didn't know what camera to look down when I was doing my bit. I think I got the food out of order. I'd set it in a different order than I've ever said it in because I was so in my own head.

[E]

Yeah. You never know what camera to look down. That's why. Ghostbusters, Frozen Empire.

[A]

That's it.

[E]

You're always looking at the wrong guy.

[A]

They're like, pinfield, what are you doing? I'm insisted on getting referred to by my character.

[E]

Like Daniel Day Lewis.

[A]

Exactly.

[E]

Yeah. You're in character all the time.

[A]

That. You mean Daniel Plainview?

[E]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've just seen that film. Yeah.

[A]

Good coincidence.

[E]

Great film.

[A]

Real good film.

[E]

Great film. I honestly wish someone had told me because this film, There Will Be Blood, by the way. What a movie.

[A]

What a movie, man. It is good.

[E]

Oh, I watched it on the plane.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

If we had him on the podcast, it was my.

[E]

Literally, my plane view.

[A]

That is good. That is good, Ed Goodnit. We can have him on the podcast. Have secret ingredient milkshake. Think you would like that. Daniel Day Lewis. He'd love it.

[E]

Well, I drink it up.

[A]

Yeah, I love that bit. One of the best. Probably my favorite closing scene of any film.

[E]

A lot of my references are out of date now because I've only just started watching popular films.

[A]

Sure, you only just getting into films.

[E]

So I'm coming off the plane going,

[D]

I drink it up.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I have a long straw.

[A]

Legend people. Everyone else is saying, a few small beers. Yeah, I'll drink your milkshake.

[E]

Don't spoil anything for me.

[A]

Sorry, Ed. I know that'll be in a few years time.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Two decades time. You'll watch that.

[E]

Yeah. Anyway, John Mulaney's brilliant.

[A]

John Mulaney's fantastic. I mean, we're very excited to have him on the podcast. We're huge fans of his work.

[E]

Great comedian, may I say.

[A]

I, of course, have benefited before. We've talked about it on the podcast many times. John had to.

[E]

I can't wait.

[A]

Had to pull out. So I do want to hear. I've never spoke to John Mulaney about Cinderella.

[E]

No.

[A]

And when I got to play John, the mouse named after him. Of course. So I would like to see if John is aware.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

That I've replaced him at all. Like, maybe he's angry about it. He might be. Have accepted our invitation in order to settle the score with me. Yeah.

[E]

Like Steven Graham.

[A]

Like Stephen Graham did. And we saw how that worked out for him. Yeah. So we'll see what happens to John.

[E]

Well, it'll work out well for him as well, I guess.

[A]

Subjective.

[E]

John is touring the UK and he's doing a show in Dublin as well. Mr. Whatever is the name of the show in April.

[A]

April 17th to the 27th UK tour.

[E]

Go and have a look. I mean, he's brilliant. Be quick because it'll sell out very quickly. I think.

[A]

Now, we love John Mulaney, but if John Mulaney says a secret ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable, we will be forced to kick him out of the dream restaurant.

[E]

Yes. And the secret ingredient is one black coffee.

[A]

It's very funny. John Mulaney. I really love the John Mulaney routine's about his dad. And there's A routine about when he was a kid and his dad is driving them down the. Down the highway in the car, they see a McDonald's. All the kids start chanting, McDonald's. So his dad pulls into the McDonald's, drive through and then orders one black coffee for himself and drives away.

[E]

Yeah, it's on. The comeback kid. Yes, a great special.

[A]

A great special. So, like. Yeah, one black coffee. And if he does order that, then, you know, he's become his dad.

[E]

Yeah. So that'll be a big moment for him.

[A]

We're all doomed to.

[E]

Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, we're all doomed to become John Mulaney's dad.

[A]

Yeah, we are. At some point, we'll all be Papa Melanie.

[E]

And if you're watching this on YouTube, that's tomorrow.

[A]

Yeah. And if you're listening to this not on YouTube. This will be on YouTube tomorrow.

[E]

Yes.

[A]

Unless you're listening to it not on the day it went out, in which case it's on YouTube right now.

[E]

Unless you're on YouTube doing stuff and listening to you listening to the YouTube and not watching it, which a lot of people do. Yeah. And in that case, it's tomorrow now.

[A]

Yeah, it's already tomorrow. Don't. Just. Just relax. In fact, you might want to know there's just an audio version of this and that might be better for you.

[E]

No, do both.

[A]

Ed, you're on tour. Oh, yeah.

[E]

I'm on tour as well. I'm doing my new show, Fresh Hell, all across the UK and some of Ireland, starting at the end of January 2027.

[A]

I think this is my favourite show title.

[E]

Thank you.

[A]

Of a gamble show.

[E]

Thank you.

[A]

Fresh Hell is a great show title.

[E]

Thank you very much. And it's gonna be a great show. This is the off menu menu of John Mul. Welcome, John, to the Dream Restaurant.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

Welcome, John Mulaney to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.

[D]

Thank you, sir.

[A]

You're the first guest who's found Ben's clap that he does before a record as funny as we find it.

[D]

Yeah, well, he's not doing it in front of the camera.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Like some people do, the fake clapboard. But he was just clapping behind at us.

[A]

We've.

[E]

We've questioned this with Ben before and I. Because I always thought the clap was for sync, audio and visual. And he gets really annoyed when.

[D]

When we mention it at this point in the show. Has there been a preamble before we got to this part?

[A]

Yes, we do.

[D]

That's great. That's great.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah, that's really fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

We'll have bait you up big time. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

There's context to what's happening.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[E]

And also the listeners understand the context of the Show in general, 100%. Yeah.

[A]

Some people will be their first time, to be fair.

[D]

It's always going to be someone's first time.

[E]

Well, you're going to bring in a lot of the Mulaney heads, of course.

[A]

Yeah, sure.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Do you have a name for your fans, actually?

[D]

Millenniacs I just came up with. They're good people. They're good people in extraordinary circumstances. Yeah. Just ordinary people thrust into this fandom that they really. They didn't know they were signing up for it.

[E]

Yeah. And they can't help it either.

[D]

They can't help it. Yeah. And they have notes.

[A]

What do you think your fans will think of myself and Edgar?

[D]

I bet they're already way into this.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

This is a very big podcast. I know that. And I think we have a lot of similar in a Venn diagram. I think we grabbed some of the same people.

[E]

Yeah, I think so.

[D]

Very much.

[A]

I hope so.

[E]

Yeah, I hope so.

[D]

Absolutely.

[E]

I'd love a. I'd love a slice. Slice of your crowd.

[A]

I love the Millenniacs.

[E]

Yeah, same.

[D]

It'd be great to have as many audience members as possible.

[E]

Yes.

[D]

From all different walks of life paying a common price.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

You don't destruct. You don't do structured audience prices.

[D]

No, no, no. It's one agreed upon price.

[E]

Yeah. By you, though.

[D]

A lot of haggling with the whole audience back and forth outside the venue. And we agree.

[E]

A lot of them are saying free though, aren't they?

[D]

There's some of that 60s crap.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Woodstock crap.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

They're all climbing over the fences.

[D]

They're all climbing over the fences and tearing them down.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

But no, most people can agree, you know, on. Sometimes they will agree on regular pricing and then platinum pricing.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

It's odd when they suggest that.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

What about platinum pricing? I go of, that's kind of gross. I don't even like to think about that, though. I know. It happens. They go, we'd like it.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

VIP meet and greets.

[D]

VIP meet and greets, all of that stuff. It's really nice to meet someone right after a show. They're in a really good space or

[E]

immediately before some people do the meet.

[D]

Very good time to meet people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's weird. But we. We've had people win like raffles for, like off menu stuff and Then come to the live show and then come to see us either before or after. And, I mean, I don't know if we really give them what they want.

[E]

No, I think.

[D]

I bet they love it. I bet you do.

[A]

Well, we.

[E]

I mean, a lot of the time when they've come for like a charity raffle or something, they'll come and meet us on the stage before the show. And it's just before, like, our food's arrived.

[D]

Oh, that's good.

[E]

So we're a bit like. We're a bit antsy.

[D]

Like, you're in socks.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

With a clothing steamer going.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Food's just arrived.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hangry, you got a UK tour coming up.

[D]

I'm going to be doing some dates here in April.

[A]

April 17th to the 27th.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. But not just in London. All over.

[A]

All over?

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

The United Kingdom.

[E]

Is this the first time you've done all over the United Kingdom or have you done that?

[D]

No, I've done Manchester a few other spots before, but it's first time doing Glasgow. Nice to be very fun.

[A]

Glasgow's brilliant.

[E]

Yeah, it is brilliant.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You'll have a real really nice time there.

[D]

I should.

[A]

What do you enjoy about being in the UK that's different to the us? Because I always look forward to when I go to the us, I'm like, I'm going to go Trader Joe's so fast.

[D]

Why do you like Trader Joe's so fast?

[E]

This is what Americans always say. Because I love Trader Joe's.

[D]

Really?

[E]

Whenever I tell an American I love Trader Joe's, they're like, why? What are you talking about?

[D]

Now you know. Trader Joe's is owned by the same parent company as Aldi, which I believe is a German company. So do you have a Trader Joe cousin over here?

[E]

We have Aldi.

[A]

Aldi. But, like, it's not. I guess now you've said that it might be the stuff, the layout is similar, but it's not the same.

[E]

It's not the same.

[D]

I know it's not called the same, but it might be the same product.

[A]

No, if it was, we'd know. If it was, I'd be in there all the time. Trust me, John, Trust me.

[D]

Okay. Okay. I mean, I'm saying not packaged as well and maybe truly, truly different product names, but I've heard it's the same stuff.

[A]

They didn't.

[D]

Never investigated it my entire life.

[E]

Aldi, as far as I'm aware, do not have roasted salted almonds covered in dark chocolate and turbinado sugar.

[D]

Right.

[E]

Which is the thing I go to straight away in Trader Joe's.

[D]

When I.

[E]

Trader Joe's, I straight away get a box of those for my rucksack for

[A]

when I'm trying to.

[D]

Have you ever had Uber or taxi stop at Trader Joe's before for getting to whatever hotel or apartment you're staying?

[A]

Yes, I have.

[D]

Yeah. 100%.

[A]

Yeah. I said, you gotta go there via Trader Joe's. I can't wait a second longer.

[D]

Right.

[A]

I can't wait a second longer. I'm dying to be there.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

I go in there and then you rush out. Because I feel bad for the taxi driver. I'm carrying all these different kinds of gummies and, like, chocolates and stuff.

[D]

What's your favorite Trader Joe's thing?

[A]

I'll go for the Scandinavian swimmers, which are basically their version of the Swedish fish, but they taste better than Swedish fish.

[D]

Do they have a jarred something garlic crunch that I encourage anyone to stock up on it. Is it. You could put it on anything. It's a real. Is it like a crispy onion garlic crunch?

[E]

Oh, is it like the sort of. Yeah, like crispy onion sort of.

[D]

Yeah, but real oily.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And you could put it on anything and you'd be home free. And do they have an English. You know how they have different ethnicities at Trader Joe's? Do they have an English one?

[A]

There's an English toffee that I see there. There's a box of English toffee.

[D]

And do they try to brand it with, like, a.

[A]

No, there's no, like, Commodore football hooligans on. Just says English toffee. Yeah. And you think. You think. Yeah, we'll see about that.

[D]

Trader Jose's English toffee. Deal with it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Deal with it. We couldn't figure one out. Yeah. First thing I do when I come to London, it's really. You know, people think New York is very diverse, but it's not.

[A]

It's.

[D]

Yeah, it's people pretty priced out of it. London is a very diverse city. It's very nice to just walk around.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And be among diversity.

[A]

You introduce yourself to everyone.

[D]

I didn't know how to. The sentiment started out really nice, but then I didn't know how to end it. It's nice to just be among it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, sure.

[D]

Walk around, add my own self to it. Yeah, yeah, certainly. Yeah.

[E]

Pop yourself in there.

[A]

It's even more diverse now. John Mulaney.

[D]

A little bit. Yeah. Or maybe less, depending on how you see things. Yeah.

[A]

You were Meant to come to London once and you didn't. And I benefited from it.

[D]

When was that?

[E]

Well, we're going straight in.

[A]

I'd never be able to talk to John about this.

[D]

It's really nice to meet the both of you.

[E]

Yeah, it was lovely.

[D]

Not even like. Not even in, like, kill Kenny in 2009 or something.

[A]

I saw you once in a corridor.

[D]

In a corridor.

[A]

In a corridor where it was.

[D]

What if we didn't even explain where we both had an understanding.

[A]

Yeah. You didn't see me.

[E]

The corridor.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You see me. I was. I was at right angles to you. You didn't see. I was in a waiting area and you went down the corridor. You were just done.

[E]

Sounds like a hospital.

[A]

We were doing back to back episodes of James Corden's Late Late Show.

[D]

Oh, so that.

[A]

This is like a while ago and you'd just done. Yes, the one before me.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

I have the glance over.

[D]

Zooey Deschanel.

[A]

I can't. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

I was on with like, I was only on once.

[A]

I think Diane Keaton was on my one. Andy Garcia.

[D]

Yeah, that's great.

[A]

Me doing some stand up.

[D]

Do you still talk to Andy?

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

We know what these talk shows are like. You make friends for life. Right.

[D]

Well, on a group one like that. See, what James did was he made it a group. Yeah, those do get pretty tight.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Sometimes when it's one guest after the other.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

There's not really a lasting friendship.

[E]

There's no what's happening.

[D]

Super tight.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We didn't invite like Cordon or Reggie Watts onto the group because we know that they're. They can't be on all the groups.

[D]

Exactly. I bet they get added sometimes and like, guys, this is a job for us, you know, but.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, we got you. We had a good time.

[D]

Don't real life me.

[A]

Yeah. We can't be on this, but. Yeah, yeah, me, me. Diana.

[D]

Okay. I was coming to London. Wait, what? How did you say it?

[A]

So you were meant to come to. This was in. During COVID We've talked about this on

[E]

the podcast a lot, by the way. So this is a huge moment for our listeners that you're finding on the

[A]

podcast a huge part of the off menu law is.

[D]

Sure.

[A]

I benefited from you having to pull out of something. So it was a film.

[D]

Oh.

[A]

And I replaced you two days before.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's the role of a lifetime.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And my character. Well, James Corden's in it again. This is another anecdote. Me, James Corden and Ramesh Ranganathan were the mice.

[D]

Right.

[A]

And in the script, I get there, and there's a character of James and. But that's James Corden the mouse. Yeah, Ramesh the mouse. And I was John the Mouse.

[D]

Great. Yeah.

[A]

And in the credits, I'm John the Mouse. Even though I requested. Please could we change that? Because I'm not called John at any point during the film, they don't say my name.

[D]

They could have gotten out of it now. They had some wiggle room. They could have said you. We wanted you to be James. But James is already James.

[E]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, but I said. I was like, look.

[E]

No, I don't think that even crossed them.

[A]

No one says the names of them.

[D]

They just went right to look.

[E]

John the Mouse.

[A]

I said, if it's just in the credits and no one's actually saying our names, can you just call. I mean, I guess this is a hard sell, but I said, could you call my mouse Mickey Acaster?

[D]

Yeah, why not?

[A]

I said, well, call Acaster.

[D]

Right.

[A]

And they were like, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Credits, by the way, is just typing.

[A]

Who cares?

[D]

Yeah, exactly.

[E]

They can change that.

[D]

There's almost no one. Yeah, truly.

[A]

Whereas, like, I might as well be called John Mulaney the mouse.

[D]

Right. Yeah.

[E]

You're leaving out my favorite detail.

[A]

What's that?

[E]

The hair.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I get there and they go, we've got to get you into hair and makeup. All right, fine. And Ramesh and Cordon were in and out of hair and makeup. I'm there for a long. They're doing my hair for ages. I'm like, why are they doing my. Ramesh and James were just like, yeah, there you go. You're done. Why are we spending ages on my hair?

[D]

And what are they doing to it?

[A]

Making me look like your hair.

[D]

They're darkening it.

[A]

It's your hair. It was how your hair was at the time.

[D]

Sure.

[A]

So body. I'm like. I'm looking at. And he's got a piece of paper, and I look at it. It's just a photo of you and just directions of what? On how your hair's meant to look. Because it.

[D]

Because I was such a last place, nobody pivoted.

[A]

No one thought to tell the hair guy now.

[D]

So was he quite stumped? Because he kept going like, look, I can. Yeah, I can't make mirrors.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

Just does not look.

[D]

This is what he looked like before. Yeah, that's what. How is it brought to you, though? Did you know that someone had dropped out a couple days before?

[A]

No. Details. Just like drum lady can't make it now. I want you to know there was no details. No one was blabbing. John.

[D]

Okay. Yeah. You can't make it.

[A]

He can't make it. It's Covid. He's coming from America.

[D]

Three fittings. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And that was it.

[D]

What a fitting. Did you get the full fitting? Like groin in seam, all this stuff?

[E]

No, he was wearing your groin.

[A]

I'm literally like, you better have the same body type as John Mulaney, because otherwise, aren't we.

[D]

This.

[A]

There's nothing we can do about this. Yeah, we're kind of like.

[E]

It doesn't feel like it would be like a.

[D]

Crazy, crazy.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And it was just like the. The guy playing the prince.

[D]

We have the same heel to groin, though, because that was big with the mouse costume.

[A]

We can find out now.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

We can try and sort it out.

[D]

You know how you do it? You lay on the floor.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Like. Like brothers do.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, that's wild.

[A]

So that was. That was my first film role. Never been in a film before. Huge.

[D]

That was going to be my first film role, too.

[A]

Really?

[D]

Live action film.

[A]

Yeah. Well, you've done much cooler ones since.

[D]

I've only done one.

[A]

Really?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I think. Oh, live action. I'm thinking of the spider verse.

[D]

Yeah. That was anime.

[A]

Fantastic.

[D]

That was anime the whole time.

[E]

But they still did your heel to groin, right?

[D]

Yeah, they did heel to groin. And then they do once around the skull, under the armpit to waist, and they ask you to really stick it out.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

For spider ham.

[D]

For spider ham, yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Peter Porker.

[D]

Did it fit the mouse costume? The footman costume?

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

You look great. You look great.

[A]

It fit. To be fair, I was pretty happy

[D]

with the hair that was out at Pinewood Studios.

[A]

The Pinewood Studios.

[D]

I was looking forward to that.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

This looks really excited. Yeah. What?

[A]

The stories that made you excited about Pinewood. So you strike me as the kind of. I've seen a few interviews with you and you really like the history of places, like, especially showbiz places like showbiz stories.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, some stories that I don't think I would have heard were it not for you. Talked about it on a podcast or in an interview. You got a good nose for the kind of stuff.

[D]

Yeah. Like. Like a little boy who lived with an old aunt and rode away to movie magazines.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Because Sad little life.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I think you would like James Cameron telling them all to go themselves at the end of whatever film he did. There, you know, there was a film that he did there, I think the alien, maybe aliens.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

But at the end he was like, I don't want to work with any of you ever again.

[D]

That's really funny. That was the end.

[A]

That was. That was it.

[D]

When he's rapping out of your Jackson. Hold on. Quiet, everyone.

[A]

Yeah, it was basically that.

[D]

That's a production rap on Linda Hamilton. I don't want to see you again in my life.

[E]

All the other actors you haven't wrapped

[D]

yet, being like, God, yeah, mine's Thursday.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Pinewood. Now I'm blanking, but was it some Alina stuff? Was it some David Lean stuff? I was very excited for whatever it was. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean, obviously all the Bonds that were filmed there.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, were they?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Loads of Bonds.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

Great British Bake Off.

[D]

Pull over. I'm James Bond, you know, or what is it?

[A]

Yeah, that's.

[D]

I think it's basically get out of the car freak. Yeah, Right.

[A]

So I read James Cameron's. This is.

[D]

I like that you're reading it.

[A]

There we go. Jim Cameron. This has been a long and difficult shoot, fraught by many problems, but the one thing that kept me going through it all was a certain knowledge that one day I would drive out the gate of Pinewood and never come back and that you sorry bastards would all still be here.

[D]

That's great.

[E]

But he definitely would have had to have worked with some of them in the future at some point. Maybe even like the next project.

[D]

By the way, I did a segment on this Netflix show with stunt doubles specifically that had worked for James Cameron. And it is a pretty tight family. They've done most of the. Yeah, so it's kind of the same folks over and over.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

And he says that to them every time.

[D]

Yeah. Drove out of Pinewood, you saw. He passed it that day. He brought a car. Like, why is he bringing his car? Pointed to the outside of the studio. What's he got going on? That was excited for that. Yeah, yeah. Pinewood. And that was going to be like. Right when they wanted to film it. Right when Covid started. Right. That was like, this should take place at the beginning of a pandemic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

They wanted it to be like that.

[D]

Yeah. They wanted a lot of people to be sick outside the movie, but the people working on it to not be sick.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Which was.

[E]

Yeah, the bubble.

[A]

Did you learn the song for it?

[D]

No, no. I think the official reason was I didn't have a passport.

[A]

Right, okay.

[D]

Right. Which is impo. You know, they're. They're impossible to get.

[E]

If you don't get one early, you're never gonna get one. Right.

[D]

There's no way to expedite.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Like. Like there's no, no such thing as an expedited.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

There's no official thing called.

[E]

I've never heard that word before. Yeah.

[D]

I go, look, this. It's just not gonna happen. Yeah. Well, it's in six weeks, right?

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

You can get one in two. I know, but it's too late. Look, you really don't want me to show up at Pinewood. I guarantee you you did not want me showing up at Pine.

[A]

Yeah, get James Acaster.

[D]

Yeah, get James. Yeah, I did. I put in a ton of names.

[A]

Yeah, I appreciate that.

[D]

Yeah. Milton Jones, everyone. I said get Milton. Well, obviously the last he'll open with before I go. And how do you know? You know, Melbourne maybe.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I love Milton Jones.

[E]

Oh, he's amazing.

[A]

Yeah, he was. When I started, I was a stand up. That was my first year being a professional comedian. Was because Josie Long and then Milton Jones took me on tour with them.

[D]

Josie Long, Yeah.

[A]

So like. Yeah, Milton took me on. Literally there was a. In the January, I was gonna have to go back to my day job if Milton didn't take me on tour.

[D]

That's fantastic.

[A]

That he did take me.

[D]

And he'd do an hour because I saw him do shorter sets throughout that.

[A]

He'd do an hour and I'd do like 20 at the top. And like. And the. Because he kept on. He was just starting to get on TV here. So the tour kept getting extended and it was just absolutely safe. Saved my life.

[D]

That's fantastic.

[A]

I would have had to go back and work in a school and I wasn't very good at that.

[E]

It is amazing how much you owe Milton and you still took away his part in Cinderella.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I know.

[D]

Yeah. Don't care. No, I think it was a costume thing.

[E]

All right.

[D]

We're actually a lot of people don't. Yeah. We are different body types. Milton Jones. Yes.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

So how was the experience?

[A]

Oh, great for me.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, obviously everyone had to. Kept being reminded what my name was.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Because everyone else's characters were just their name and people look, point at me and go, we just need you to move. Can you move? Like, we can't remember this guy.

[D]

That's not even an issue with it being a different actor.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

That's really just bad form on set. Yeah.

[A]

I was last Minute. But, like, you know, I loved it. I love to do it. I love. We got to do green screen. I got to do a song.

[D]

Yeah, the song. I remember reading that and not having to rehearse it.

[A]

Cordon had to really carry the song.

[D]

Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

Me and Rom, I'd imagine he was fine with that, though.

[A]

Yeah, it was fine with that. It was. It was. Rom says that when he went in to record his part, the guy at the piano just had his head in his hands and was hammering the key and asking Ron in a very annoyed tone. Can you hear that? So pretty rough.

[D]

So everyone behind the camera was quite unreasonable.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was the opposite of a gym. Camera for the crew were just like, you sorry bastards.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Get out of here.

[D]

Oh, that's fantastic. Do you like being on set?

[E]

I don't do much acting at all. So whenever I've done it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I. I don't get to do much, but when I am. So it's always a novelty.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I think as a stand up, you kind of feel like that. Like you feel like I shouldn't really.

[D]

I keep commenting on how it's early in the day, but all the things that are different.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

I go, no, I'm good. I'm good. It's, you know, it's 10.

[E]

You know, it's 10am so many snacks.

[D]

Yeah. So many snacks.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

We're the only ones at the snack table. All the actors.

[D]

We don't have any yet. We haven't. We've never. It's so clear. We've never gotten into a rhythm on set. Yeah. We're just constantly wandering around, following different crew and eating snacks.

[E]

Eating it like. Like it's lost, really.

[D]

Thinking we should be standing there in case a setup suddenly changes and we're in it.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

As opposed to waiting, which they're begging us to do. Yeah.

[A]

It's very obvious on camera. We're the ones who just ate a bag of Skittles and everyone else is. We always start with still a sparkling water. John, do you have a preference for your dream?

[D]

Would have been sparkling for years, but I'm still now.

[A]

What happened?

[E]

Yeah. What was the change?

[D]

I started getting frustrated with how at a meal, I'm going to the restroom three times minimum.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And at a long meal, a sprawling meal.

[A]

Right.

[D]

And some folks are just not getting up once.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

We would have these dinners at Saturday Night Live and they'd. Two and a half hours and just from the Pellegrino, I'D be like, I'm going to the bathroom. Nothing's been served yet. So there's a first bathroom just to kind of stretch your legs. Then I'd have to pee again halfway through. And then before we'd leave, if we were walking back to Rockefeller Center, I go, I have to pee again, like, fully. Not a little, like a full urine. Not like a sickness where, like, there's a muscle weakness or something.

[E]

It's not like a drizzle. You're not drizzling.

[D]

It wasn't that. It wasn't. Oh, you know, there was some hesitation and lack of completion, which is fine. Also, this was just like full, bloated belly of. Needed to get it out again. And folks in their 60s and 70s weren't getting up.

[E]

But to me, that's more worried about the people who are not urinating at all.

[D]

It is really weird.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Two and a half hours of drinking water and wine.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

There's a blockage Also, if it's SNL, I'm guessing when you're saying 60s and 70s, we're talking about specifically Lorne Michaels and I imagine, and other producers. He never urinates.

[D]

That's it. I think it might be that. I think he did. If he had to learn it, he learned it. Or he naturally had this gift of just like. It's quite. It's quite a thing to be with your boss and get up three times.

[E]

It'll be some old school entertainment thing where he's like, I know.

[D]

You go under the table and that's it.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You call ahead and.

[E]

Yeah, I don't have time.

[D]

It's like, everyone knows how to do it. All the greats know how to. David Geffen. Everyone knows how to not get up to pee.

[E]

Yeah. They all get up in the restaurant that just pulls underneath the table and

[D]

you call ahead and put a card down for it and they cover it. But I started to think, like, this Pellegrino stuff. This is just inflating me like a balloon. But not. Air of your.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

But that's interesting. I've never heard anyone say that sparkling water makes them piss more.

[D]

Yeah, no one's ever.

[E]

Because you would have thought there's so many bubbles in there that there's actually less water.

[D]

I think I have a bad body.

[A]

Not sick.

[D]

Not sick. Or, you know, anything major, but just kind of like, doesn't just like, oh, let's do so just. Really.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Not equipped to handle anything. It panics like a bad maintenance crew. Yeah. Well, this. We should get this out like. No, it's okay, it's okay. It's gonna stay in there. Like, no, just the last time we got it out, just like, yeah, guys, just leave it in there. It can get bigger.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, no, and you're saying this in the bathroom as well. Out loud.

[D]

I say it out loud?

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Because I don't want to get up. Right. So I'm still at the.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were snl. You overlapped with Will Forte.

[D]

I did, yeah.

[A]

Did he ever do the prank that I've heard about that he does to people in the bathroom where he just puts his hand in front of the stream of piss?

[D]

No, but I, I've been in and near and around it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I just wanted to verify that

[D]

it's funny that it's a prank to other people because he's.

[A]

He's covered in piss on his.

[D]

Yeah, he's covered in piss.

[A]

So someone's pissing and then he just

[D]

puts his hand in front, both hands in front, going, hey, hi, John Solomon, whoever it is.

[E]

Yeah, he has not prank on. On that person.

[D]

It's more of a. Yeah, it's just, it's. It's like a. It's an action.

[A]

Yeah, it's a good. So I've heard a few things about him.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Those kind of pranks and they're all stuff that I think if I did them, I would not execute them very well at all. It would go badly. He seems to have this thing where he just fully commits to the point where it is so funny. And I've never heard about him doing something like that.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And then everyone goes, oh, well, yeah.

[D]

So one time. So I was in Colin Jost's office and we were working on a sketch for a long. We were taking way too long. And we were eating Teddy Grahams out of a box, slowly, individually. I remember he was taking them out one at a time. So I was self conscious to dump. So I kept also opening the box and taking one up. And we're taking a long time to write this piece. And Forte's waiting on Jost to be done. And so it's Colin, are you done yet? Waiting on you. Like, we just need a few more minutes. And we're. A few more minutes and we'll be done. And then it's lasting like two hours. And he comes in, he goes, are you done yet? He goes, will I need a little more time? And then we'll be done. He goes, oh, a little more time. He comes in, there's a baseball bat. And he picks it up and he goes, who makes this bat? Easton smashes it through the wall so loud. And it hit the. Eric Kenward was in the next office and all the stuff flew off his shelves and people came in and were like, what? Well, you know, people were. Yeah, it was very upsetting to people.

[E]

So would he consider that a prank then?

[D]

So I don't know. So when it's interesting we're getting into the word prank, it's the first time I've really thought about it.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

These acts of, like, destruction.

[E]

That's not a prank.

[D]

Like, Will once threw someone's dinner out the window.

[E]

Good prank.

[D]

I guess that's a prank. But there's no tension released yet. It was just one big thing.

[E]

You think pranks should. After the prank is done, everything is the same as it was before the prank.

[D]

That's a good question. Does a prank involve planning and misdirect? Yes, because it was no misdirect, because

[E]

just throwing someone's dinner out the window,

[D]

pretending to be upset at the name of the bat brand, I guess. Who makes this bat? Easton. That's what made him.

[A]

That's funny.

[D]

That was a bit of a mystery.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pops or bread Pops or bread John Malangy.

[D]

Pops or bread pops. Crisp pack little bits. You know I told you the Teddy Graham story.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Did I? I. Yeah, you did have so many butter issues that bread would be.

[E]

I don't want to talk through the butter issue.

[A]

Is this your bad body again?

[D]

No, this is just cold butter. Overly salted butter. I have lots of cold butter mainly. And I just feel like I just keep getting rolls with cold butter in the United States. Not to put it on the States. They're going through enough, obviously. But even at a great restaurant, you go, like, how can you fucking do this? This little coin of this cold coin on paper. Yeah. Is really bad. We got a butterbell at home, which I enjoy a great deal.

[A]

Sorry.

[D]

A butterbell is. I'll just describe it because I don't know why it's shaped this way. Like a jar. And then you take it, and then upside down is this bell where you've stuffed butter. Right. It sits out on the counter. It's not in the fridge, you know, so you could do stick on dish with lid.

[A]

Right.

[D]

Or you could do butterbell. It's a new thing in our life anyway.

[A]

Does it change your life for the better?

[D]

It really is a good.

[A]

By what percentage has it made your life better? The butterbell?

[D]

Okay. I'm gonna give it because of the current raisin toast craze with my kids, I'd say this is 30% life.

[A]

Better.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Wow. Yeah. Fast slices.

[E]

And how many sort of slices of raisin toast are your kids getting through a day? Would you say?

[D]

MayMay can do two and a half.

[E]

Nice.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

So you need that production line of just.

[D]

The production line's great.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

I mean, smearing cold butter on and messing up the toast, scraping off the cr. It was really. It was really lousy, and my kids knew it was lousy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is breakfast your. Your forte? Forte?

[D]

We're back to will. Isn't that interesting?

[A]

Is that your specialty as a dad either, breakfast guy?

[D]

No, I'd say breakfast is. We're sort of in between our kids, really like. Like savory soy sauce and rice and cucumbers with salt. Breakfast is a. We're not quite nailing it with them. It's a lot of, you know, we like the idea of making pancakes and French toast for them and, you know, for the visual more.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And, you know, there's music playing, and I go, this looks like a home.

[E]

You know, you're a family and a family.

[D]

We're a family and a thing. Yeah. And we're the family stone. But they're much more like, let's skip to lunch food. Mm. Let's have seaweed paper rice. Let's have diced peaches. Let's just have the stuff we like.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

I'm trying to get them into the traditional breakfast, and it's not quite working. The toast, you might. You're probably about to ask what about the toast, though? You're just talking about.

[E]

Yes.

[D]

That's like an afternoon thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

And also, May really likes to hold a whole thing and rip bites off of it.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So when they're older, I mean, that's good. So much to look forward to. A burger.

[D]

Yeah. I think a slice of pizza will be maze. That's real thing.

[E]

That's the ultimate thing.

[D]

Which is rounded triangle. Yeah.

[B]

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[A]

Let's get into your dream menu proper, your dream starter.

[D]

So I. I was thinking a lot about it and it's French onion soup.

[A]

Mm. Lovely.

[D]

And yet I'm mad at French onion

[E]

soup every time you're mad at it.

[D]

Cause it's wonderful French pizza. And then underneath was there a flood? Like one of the least fun things underneath the most fun top.

[A]

Uh huh.

[E]

You've just made it so American somehow. You just like, you just want the pizza topping.

[D]

Yeah, I want. And it's a brown bowl. It's a special bowl. They don't put anything else in.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And it's colored, it's painted brown. It's like a glaze fired in a kiln thing. And there's the cheese on this rim.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

I don't need to tell you this. I assume other people have picked this, but scrape that break through. Cutting through pizza with a spoon, all of it's super fun. And then you go like as if you're renovating a beautiful house. Water damage on you. What is this? Hot water? Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So the soup is what surprises you when you get French onions.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So enjoying the French.

[D]

I'm not amazed by wet bread. That's almost like the insulation under the pizza.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

But then at the bottom, I'm like, get this out of here. This is onion water.

[E]

So you don't want the. Well, it's the onion soup.

[A]

Right.

[E]

So you don't actually want the onion soup at all in the dream meal? Or do you just want the topping?

[D]

It's got it. I mean, the topping is part of the soup.

[E]

Sure, but you only like the topping.

[D]

I don't want onion broth. That's fair.

[A]

But that.

[E]

I'd say that's mainly the soup.

[D]

Well, that's a good question. Would French onion soup exist without the top? Do you think people would order onion broth?

[E]

Yeah, it's onion soup.

[D]

There is.

[E]

Yeah, it's onion soup. That's what it is.

[A]

I don't know what he's talking about.

[D]

Is there onion soup without the cheesy top? With the bread, with the pizza? The French pizza?

[E]

I reckon. Surely there is.

[A]

I've never seen it.

[E]

Why would you? Why would you.

[D]

I've never seen it.

[E]

Why would you have it by itself, though?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

My issue is all one thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm the opposite of you. I forget about the top every time. Every time I order a French onion

[D]

soup, you pop it off without looking.

[A]

I'm like, oh, yeah. Oh, shit.

[D]

Oh, that's funny.

[A]

They've done this. They put this on and I can't get straight to the soup because I've got to deal with this first.

[D]

Really?

[A]

I always forget about the top. Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

Wow.

[A]

I think because my mum did make French onion soup when we were kids, but it was just the soup.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

No bread.

[A]

No. So that's my memory of French onion soup.

[D]

It was onion broth.

[A]

Yeah. It was at home. We were, you know, we loved it. It.

[E]

So a minute ago you were challenging me and saying that you've never seen the soup without the top.

[A]

I've never seen it.

[D]

She'd ladle onion water. Brown. Brown onion water.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You'd all be there.

[A]

Yeah. But not like you're making it.

[D]

Come on.

[A]

You're making it sound like Charlie Bucket and stuff.

[D]

Not. Not picturing that.

[A]

Yeah. It wasn't like Charlie, but I need a bed.

[D]

19, 38, 39.

[A]

Yeah. Together.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

I agree with you. The best bit is the cheese. But I think it goes with the.

[D]

I think everyone would agree with that.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And I think people like the soup underneath it.

[E]

I like the soup underneath it. My issue with it is it's so hot all of the time.

[D]

It's so hot also that I'm hungry.

[E]

Soup is hot. But that soup, especially the hot brown

[D]

water, Because I think there's, like, in other stews, I feel like potato, carrot. Absorb heat.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

You ever bite into a potato in a stew? You're like, this is criminally hot. But the onion can't. It's just. You're just dealing with hot water.

[E]

Yeah. It's just boiling water. And then I'm so hungry that I end up eating all the cheese off the top because the soup's not ready.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Eaten because it's so hot.

[D]

So I'm always doing extra scrape around the bowl.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Are you scraping the outside rim as well and eating that cheese?

[D]

Yeah, of course.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

So bubbling over. Yeah.

[E]

To me, that feels like illegal cheese that I shouldn't be having.

[D]

Why illegal?

[E]

Because in my mind, they might not have washed that bowl properly and some of that cheese might be left over from the last time they did.

[D]

It's really weird. I have total trust in the sanitation of restaurants. I've never been like, you know, people that have all the apocryphal, like, oh, they rub their body parts on these things. I've just. I've never bought into that.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You can't be thrown terms like illegal around our American guests.

[E]

Sorry.

[A]

They don't. It doesn't mean the same thing over there.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

It's a lot more flexible.

[E]

Apologies, John.

[D]

It's much more flexible. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We have a pretty strict.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

As you know, we follow pretty strict.

[A]

Your dream main course. Oh, you know what? I forgot. Oh, let's go.

[D]

Let's do it.

[E]

Come on.

[A]

No, but I was gonna do it before the start. I thought it'd be fun because we've never done it with a guest before. We could do it with John and get him to say grace before the. Oh, yeah. The meal. Because of when you're in the bear and you. And when you say grace in the bear, it's very. A very good moment.

[D]

Oh, yeah. That's fun. Yeah.

[A]

And I thought, oh, great, we've got a guest on. He Said Grace in a very iconic episode of television.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

We could get John to do that. But now I've just remembered it as we got to the main course, and that's annoyed me.

[D]

Do you ever edit the podcast? Never. I mean, what I'd like to throw out is that to maybe do something and then put.

[E]

Never edit it to make us sound better. So he would. He will leave this in.

[D]

Oh, that's right. You're quite serious. You wouldn't. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Here's a question for you. Why can't you drop out of that two days before? That would have been nice.

[E]

That was crazy.

[D]

23.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Things were a lot.

[E]

You had a passport.

[D]

I had a passport.

[E]

By plan.

[D]

I had over two years of passport.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

To Chicago.

[E]

Oh, man, that episode's so funny, man.

[A]

What an episode of tv.

[D]

We were all around that table on the stage in Chicago. There were a few interiors at a house in the suburbs. And then we were around that table on the stage for two days. It was great.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Oliver Platt kept ordering milkshakes. Abby Elliott was pregnant, so she wanted one, but he kept drinking her milkshake by accident. And he was nodding off from them and everyone was yelling at him. And then Jon Bernthal, Jamie Lee Curtis, Jeremy, Ellen White, Sarah Paulson. These people know how to act.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And I mean, there were times when I thought, I think they think they're the characters. And they were really yelling and I felt unsafe.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

It turns out James was a great replacement for. For you in Cinderella. Because you're like that around actors when you watch them going, it's like they're pretending to be this person, but really.

[A]

Well, I can't believe it.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And like, I just.

[D]

I can't believe it either.

[A]

I know I'd never be able to properly become an actor because, like, I just can't.

[D]

I could convince myself I'm one person if I had a ton of time, but the idea of, like getting a note from the recalibrating on set. First time you've ever done it.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And being like, I'm. I'm this, you know.

[E]

Yeah. I'm saying you're pretending to be this person. Slightly wrong. Can you change how you're pretending to be this person?

[D]

Yeah. Okay. I'll do it a whole other way. And it'll also seem like I think I'm that person. Why don't I change the type of person I am? And I'll fully believe it also. Okay. Yeah.

[E]

That episode. Every time another person popped up, I would just laugh out loud because the cast was so amazing. It's so funny.

[A]

He saw it before me and I was like, I'm watching this. Susan the Bear. He went, let me know when you get to a Fishers. It was called. Yeah, let me know. I don't think you even told me what the episode said. There's an episode and when you get to it, you'll know which one it is. They just tell me how much you're laughing all the way for. People keep popping up.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Because it was second season. Right.

[D]

Second season, and then later Olivia Colman and yeah, people started to really appear in there.

[E]

It's because I think that first season did so well. It was like the writers had got all of these voicemails from everyone's age and just gone, absolutely great. We're gonna make it work. So that episode just made me.

[A]

Yeah, the thing about that episode, that's. Yeah. I'm sure loads of people told you how good this episode is, but one of the things is at the top of it when. Because there's like a bunch of. I think you and a bunch of other people all suddenly walk across the camera.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

And you're like, they're gonna do loads of cameos in this show now. And if this is gonna work. And then by the end of that episode, that's one of the best episodes of TV I've ever seen. So the fact that it kind of. There's that experience as a viewer where at the beginning you go, I'm not sure about it.

[D]

And then it's great that you had that experience too, because, yeah, it's nice to go, okay, one of these shows. And then they really did. Yeah, they really did write the shit out of everybody in that.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

At one point, I'll tell you about the acting thing, you know, where you really are in it. There was one moment where I wasn't thinking about, you know, something else. I was really in it. And Jamie Lee Curtis is yelling at Sarah Paulson. And Sarah. Sarah Paulson interjected something unscripted when she's fighting with Jon Bernthal. And Jamie Lee said something like, why don't you shut your mouth, you little bitch? And I went, hey, hey, hey.

[A]

I went, hey.

[D]

And she went, don't you hey, hey, hey me. And I'm like, okay, I'm so sorry.

[E]

Okay, I'm out.

[D]

I walked in the kitchen once and she was yelling at Abby's character. She was yelling at Sugar. And I just turned. I was so scared. I just turned right away.

[A]

Luckily, that is your character in the.

[D]

For sure.

[A]

In the episode. So you're okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

The only people you don't respect are the facts. And that's it.

[D]

It.

[A]

You're laughing at them, which is also great. We could talk about that episode for ages. It's brilliant. Yeah, it's good stuff and food related, so absolutely perfect.

[D]

I've never been to one of those Seven Fishes dinners, have you?

[E]

No.

[A]

Didn't know about it. Yeah.

[D]

I didn't even know about it. But I'm not Italian at all.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Any of that Crap. Yeah. No, I mean, really, I've never been. My whole life.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And I've met him.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

But I've never.

[E]

That doesn't mean you are.

[D]

Italian American stuff. Mafia stuff. I've always been, like, truly. No judgment. That's definitely not me.

[E]

You like the food, though?

[D]

Yeah, a lot.

[E]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Especially the fishes.

[D]

Talking about the main course.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Chicken parmesan.

[A]

Oh, lovely. Yeah.

[D]

Can't shake a stick at it ever. Now you're like, what's with you and hardened cheese? Right. For sure. I don't know if. And I thought about it. I go, would you order them one after the other? And I went, john, embrace the spirit of the paragraph you were sent. These are, you know, each item is the dream.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And I could also see having French onion soup and then chicken parm.

[E]

But, yeah, I love this. I mean, if there's something with melted cheese on it, I'm more than likely

[D]

gonna go because it also might have a scrape. Now you're wondering, do you like the spaghetti on the side A little. It's really not. I always think I'll need that too.

[A]

Right.

[D]

Because it's gonna be such a pure protein meal.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Chicken pizza. And then I get to it and I go, the crusted bready cheese on the chicken is enough starch. Yeah, I'm good. And also, it's such a savory thing, chicken parm, that whatever marinara they have. And I'm talking at a quality, again, Italian American place, and I've never been interested in that at all. That sauce is just not going to measure up to a chicken parm. Yeah. So I'll order it 100.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Not gonna say no, but I rarely do. I go, I'm really gonna dig into this with the whole fork and the swirl.

[E]

The spaghetti, I kind of. I've just had. I was just in New York and had chicken farm with the spaghetti.

[D]

Yeah. Where'd you go?

[E]

Do you remember Frank?

[A]

Oh, great.

[E]

It was fantastic.

[D]

Fantastic.

[E]

They have another restaurant called Lil Frankie's that we've been to.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

And we speak about the aubergine quite a lot.

[A]

I love the obvious.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Try to recreate it many times.

[D]

What is aubergine?

[A]

They just. I mean, eggplant, I guess.

[D]

Oh, really?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

So.

[D]

Oh, fantastic.

[A]

Yeah. But I just grilled the hell out of it and then just mix it all up in the middle. Obviously, they put salt and pepper and garlic and all sorts in it and just, like, for a dish that, on paper, just sounded quite boring.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

It rocked My world, I really don't always.

[D]

I don't mess with eggplant parmesan and I really don't mess with chicken Milanese. So I'm not, you know. Yeah. It's interesting, I've wondered. You really love chicken parm so much and it has these, you know, cousins. You want to mess with them.

[E]

Is it mainly the cheese that you're invested in in this course?

[D]

Well, wouldn't eggplant parm have it as well?

[E]

Yeah, it would.

[D]

I just can't imagine getting through that cheese and seeing eggplant not chicken. It's just expectations, man.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

I want to see Chicken Milanese is crazy. That's crazy. I think it's like covered, just chicken soaked in white wine or something.

[A]

Right? Yeah.

[E]

You don't. Come on, Joe.

[A]

I was given recently, I went. So there's a comedian called Phil Dunning in the UK who, he's from Middlesbrough and a local delicacy.

[D]

Now, what does that mean? What connotations would it have?

[A]

I don't know. What, what would the connotations be for Middlesex in the northeast really get into near Newcastle.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

I guess Phil Dunning really likes. I think Phil Dunning really likes the working class element of Middlesbrough.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

He like, he likes a dish like the, the palm that they do there, Chicken Palmer chicken palmo that has bechamel sauce in it, but so much bechamel sauce on top. It was insane. Had me eat it on a show that he was doing and it was a tough. I mean, also obviously it was on tv, so it's gone cold by the time they got it. It's covered in bashball sauce and then cheese on the top and they serve

[E]

it in like, they'll do like late night places. So you go out drinking and then go to like what would normally be like a kebab shop or a chip shop.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

And serve you a massive chicken parmo in a pizza box. So it's like a huge bit of chicken bashed out, breaded, covered in bechamel sauce, cheese, pepperoni sometimes as well.

[D]

That's that northeast stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

I don't know. I don't think you're making it up to the northeast of England on your tour, but it's worth the stop on the way to Glasgow.

[D]

I'm not sure where would one go if they were going there.

[A]

Yeah, you're not going close there really. You're passing through it to go to Glasgow. So like maybe on your way to Glasgow you can stop off at Middlesbrough

[D]

and see Phil's Chicken parmo.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Late night at a kebab place.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

And you have to ask for Phil's as well. No matter where you go, they'll know what you mean. Phil Dunnings.

[D]

Yeah, the one he eats.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Phil Dunning.

[D]

Dunning.

[A]

Not Phil Dunham. Like, Jeff Dunham. Thank you, love.

[D]

I could have. We could have glanced by. I did the thing of. I didn't hear the name clearly.

[E]

Yeah, yeah. You wanted to get it right.

[D]

And he. I appreciate that. Yeah. Jeff Dunham. When I started, it's one of those things where we had no idea what the real problems were in America. I remember 2005, people just can't believe Jeff Dunham is doing puppies. He's a racist puppet, you know? And I was like. I was like, yeah, this is one of the biggest crisis we're facing. It's a bit like Scientology. If you asked me in 2014, what's the biggest problem facing America, I would have been like, I think we're good. But we got this Scientology, this Leah Remini stuff. Like, if we could get rid of this.

[A]

Yeah, it would be fine.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Ye.

[D]

We had no idea. But Jeff Dunham. I remember I was at Go Bananas in Cincinnati. I was featuring Jeff Dunham is 2005. He's like the biggest comic at the moment.

[E]

Just that we laugh there because every time we hear the name of an American comedy club, it makes us laugh.

[D]

Yeah. And that's like.

[E]

Cause Go Bananas.

[D]

Go Bananas is pretty crazy. But it's not even anywhere near Rooster T Feathers, I think, is. Because nothing about Rooster T Feathers is a comedy punishment. And it's not even a pun. It's not a play on words.

[E]

Is he, like, a mask? Is there a mascot? The Rooster T. Feathers.

[D]

He would be it.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Sounds like a guy.

[D]

It has a separate mask. Yeah, it's called Rooster T Feathers.

[E]

Did the rooster, like, come out to greet people at the club or anything? Or is he just on the logo?

[D]

It was a pretty good club in California. You could do on that sweep, you

[A]

know, but we're at Go Bananas and Go Bananas.

[D]

And on the wall, monkey mascot.

[E]

Is there a monkey mascot?

[D]

No, almost nothing. A really solid club with, like, a great. I mean, Cincinnati had a really good homegrown comedy scene, really good comics. And one, you know, a sign that says Go Bananas but not leaning into it. Just a nice low ceiling, good acoustics. Club just happened to be called Go Bananas.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And on the wall, you know, people would sign the wall And Jeff Dunham was so popular. And someone wrote, I fucked the old man puppet while Peanut watched. I just remember thinking that they didn't look up the name. Yeah, they didn't look up his name. They did. Peanut Butt. They didn't look up the other one, Jeff Dunham. That came from Phil Dunnan, who has the chicken parm.

[A]

The chicken parm. Chicken parm.

[E]

Which is. And chicken parm's your main.

[D]

Which is not even technically recommended. You just said you had it.

[A]

I had it. It wasn't very nice when I got given it. I was giving it cold, though. I'm sure it's nice when it's hot.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Where's Yorkshire? Is that up there, that Red Riding?

[A]

Not far.

[E]

It's before that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Familiar with Red Rider? With the TV series Red Riding?

[D]

Yeah. You pulled that really place. From what I saw in the show.

[A]

Sure.

[D]

It's a beautiful, you know, really like, guys, everyone relax at once.

[A]

I think there would be a lot of people in the UK who have no idea what you're talking about. Even though it's a really English TV show. Yeah.

[D]

It's really part massively sad and disturbing.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I watched it in all one sitting.

[A]

Yes.

[E]

I don't think you're doing any shows in Yorkshire either.

[A]

No.

[E]

Is that because of Red Riding?

[D]

Probably. If I went to Yorkshire, I'd go, like, you know, they're very violent and there's. I'll probably be in some underground network passed around. Yeah. But honestly, don't believe what you see in Red Riding. I've never been there. But, like, I think Yorkshire's super bounced back from that time.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Like, doing really, really well since then.

[A]

Yeah. Your dream side dish,

[D]

Hen of the woods mushrooms. Doesn't go with chicken parm. But that's not how I'm viewing this podcast.

[E]

You don't have to.

[A]

You don't think it doesn't go with.

[D]

It doesn't not go with. I don't actually. I'm saying that because I'm trying to. I'm trying to beat some audience member to the ick thing. I don't care.

[E]

Yeah, don't. You shouldn't care.

[D]

Whatever. You don't at home. Go like this will bounce. You eat whatever I want. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Some people will attack you online for this menu.

[D]

I bet that's gonna happen. But that's really good because you have a very activated audience, like activated cells.

[E]

A lot of. It's me as well. They're all going on.

[D]

You have a variety of accounts.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

That's really. That's cool. I mean, that's one way to get. Stoke it. Even if you have a slow episode, even you're like, I'm gonna drum up

[E]

some stuff, but you can tell it's me. Cause I always end every message with who's with me.

[D]

You know, I love a decent roast chicken too, so Hen of the woods is probably coming from that.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Cause often at your very good steak place, I'll also get the roasted chicken. Hen in the Woods. I'm just always happy to see it's a vegetable.

[A]

No, no, A mushroom.

[D]

Is a mushroom a vegetable?

[A]

No.

[E]

Yes.

[A]

Yes.

[E]

Fungus.

[A]

Yeah. I think fungus is not vegetable, is it?

[E]

Wow. We've got a food podcast, man. We should know this straight away.

[A]

Yeah, we should be on this.

[E]

It's a fungi, so that's not a vegetable. When was the first time you heard about hen of the woods mushrooms? Because I think they've only come into my life maybe in the last couple of years.

[A]

Yeah, me too.

[D]

Yeah, that's fair. I feel like I became this sort of like. Like I'm gonna have the roast chicken. 2011, 2012. I got sick of salmon. Everyone in the United States at that time, and this was Obama years was eating salmon and I thought, this is fine. But I didn't like the ordering of. The ordering of fish. Save that of Dover Sol. I just. It's not fun. And people also give the temperature of the salmon. I like it pink. It's like. It's all pink.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

It's very. You're going to be. Don't worry.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And so it was a bit like, I'm done with salmon. One anything. I announced when anything I like, you know, no publicist, no agent. Just like me. Just like me and my own. Me on my own was started to be like roast chicken. Maybe mashed potatoes.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Hen of the woods mushrooms.

[A]

Yeah. I think they are the best mushrooms.

[D]

Yeah, for sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Portobello is a different kind of mushroom.

[E]

It is, yeah. But that's old like that. I'd heard about that ages ago, I think.

[D]

Yeah, for sure.

[E]

Yeah. Portobello button. They're the classics.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Red with white dots. Yeah, Large red. A large red with large white dots.

[E]

So big you could sit on it.

[D]

Maybe 100.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And maybe it's candy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the Wonka thing. The Wonka thing, yeah, Wonka.

[D]

One of those big Augustus Gloop. Exactly.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Caterpillar in Dallas in Wonderland. He's.

[D]

He died.

[A]

Yeah, he died in that movie all

[D]

of the other Kids don't die. If you read the original Roald Dahl but book. But they say at the end, Augustus Gloop did die.

[A]

He did die.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

In the Chocolate River.

[D]

But Blueberry Girl and

[E]

Mike TV as well.

[D]

Mike tv, all fine.

[A]

Mike TV the best.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Mike TV the best. And always doesn't get remembered. Everyone remembers Augustus Gloop. No one really ever remembers.

[E]

That's a big. That's a big moment, isn't it?

[A]

I think, because the headliner. I'm aware of that.

[E]

That's like the final destination.

[D]

You're basically punishing gluttony with. With. I mean, gluttony and. And. And greed sort of with the first three. And then his is just. He wants to be on TV and likes tv. It's not that bad of a problem.

[A]

What's to watch?

[D]

Nor are the other kids. Sorry. I think he's hard on the other kids.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

He's hard on all the kids.

[E]

He's hard on all the kids.

[D]

Was he a Yorkshire guy? Because he hated. He had hate in him. Right.

[A]

I've got Stoker in my head. But was he. For

[D]

what? Stop writing this stuff, man. He's too mean.

[E]

He's quite bad.

[A]

Yeah. He's a pretty bad dude, actually.

[D]

And his thing with larger kids, he really didn't like big kids.

[E]

Really didn't like big kids.

[D]

He really hated him. Was that a war thing, I wonder, because it was a large kid in the 40s. You'd go, you're not saving margarine for bombs or whatever was supposed to be happening. What was happening over here?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what he's supposed to be doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Saving butter to make bombs.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

That was just in general for ages, though. Every. Like, there's a whole run of smoke. Spielberg films where there's just an overweight kid in every film who just gets absolutely punked out because, like, totally Spielberg's like, just.

[D]

And he's normally a little wealthy, too. Like, there's this feeling of like, you're only big because you have too much. You could never be below the poverty line and get.

[E]

And he's always, like, dragging the gang down if he's in a gang, right? Because they're having to run around and stuff. And they're all like, keep up, fat kid and stuff.

[D]

Yeah, you've got that chunk. And Goonies, obviously, which is Spielberg produced. And then we'll go through all the films and then we'll edit it in later.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

I was a fat kid and I think I watched those films being like, at least he's got like friends. He's got people to hang out with,

[D]

you know, seem to have friends back home.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

He's a German in England in the Chunkhead friend.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

I watched a documentary about the Goonies recently on. Just on YouTube is the YouTube one. But the guy, Chunk now grown up.

[D]

Up.

[A]

And he works.

[D]

He's an entertainment lawyer.

[A]

Yeah, he's a lawyer, quite successful and he was saying like pretty dark because like during the Goonies they just wanted him to like maintain the weight.

[D]

And it's not that much weight when you look back at it. He's just kind of a round headed kid.

[A]

Yeah. So he, he turns up at his trailer one day.

[D]

Oh no.

[A]

And there's just, just donuts. Just muffins. It was muffins just for the district. And these muffins that no kid like, just, just so much like good stuff in these muffins and just trays of them and he's eating them and then, but then later on was like discovered no one else had those trays of muffins in their trailer.

[D]

Well, I guess, you know, I don't wanna, I don't wanna advocate for what they did, but kids lean out so fast that I don't think it was a, like, I don't think this was like we permanently want to keep you in an unhealthy state just for the period of cheating, but it's like 11, 12, you're just growing every day.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

And I can understand what they were doing.

[E]

And also what I will say is it's the opposite of what you hear about the entertainment industry most of the time.

[D]

That's fair.

[E]

It's quite sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Right.

[E]

It's not, you know, making actresses eat cotton wool or whatever, you know, you're giving a kid some muffins. It's fantastic.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Chunk club, baby.

[A]

He doesn't seem to like it these days. No, he's an adult and he's, he's a lawyer and he's like, that was weird when they gave me all their muffins.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That got him into law.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

He goes, this has to be wrong.

[A]

Yeah. He sued them.

[E]

He sued the muffin company.

[D]

Yeah. People be muffin.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

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[C]

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[D]

Appreciate.

[A]

We're gonna move on to your dream drink now as we leave the savoury courses. I am sad that we haven't had a plain plate of noodles with a little bit of butter on it. I love that special.

[D]

You do. Thank you.

[A]

It's what I've got the vinyl you do. I've got the sack lunch bunch Vinyl.

[D]

James. That means a lot. Very much. That's my favorite thing I've ever done. I love it and people really loved it, but it is not the most widely seen thing I've ever done. I'm very, very happy you like it.

[A]

It's my favorite thing you've done, actually. I love it and I'm a fan anyway. But, like, grandma's got a boyfriend.

[D]

Grandma's got a boyfriend Sing it all the time. And her boyfriend's name is Paul.

[A]

What a song.

[D]

Yeah. Based on my nana and her boyfriend David.

[A]

Yes. I didn't know how much. I knew that you had to take to social media to clear some things up afterwards, but I didn't know how much of it was real. And you had to talk about the story with the brooch and stuff like that. But, like. So I didn't know how much was genuine.

[D]

A lot of. Yeah. No, what happened was David. David took my nana to a formal of some kind and she wore the dress she'd worn the last time she went out with my grandfather who had passed away, and they lit into her. I mean, they went after her. My aunts were not happy and one time, David, you know, and they would clown on David a little. David had not served in World War II, but I'm sure he had a good reason. David was a really nice guy. David had written the first SAT test, which is a big thing in America, so that was interesting. And David loved crosswords. And he'd have a martini and he'd call my nana at night. And he. My aunt picked up one time, and he didn't realize it was her. And he went, bon soir, my cheri. And they went, oh, my God, it's Dave. And they're all screaming, laughing at us.

[E]

Poor David, man.

[D]

Yeah. I really was like, guys, David's a good guy.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

He's not the reason Grampy isn't here. Like, let's relax. Yeah.

[A]

That's why the song is funny, is how much the kid likes Paul.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

He's a decent guy.

[A]

Despite the fact that his aunts and his mother hates Paul.

[D]

They really don't like it.

[A]

I just.

[D]

David did once intervene that we were on a trip.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

No, I was not on this trip. They were in Ireland. And there was just a regular ass fight between daughters and mother and David. Like, now, ladies, ladies. I was like, oh, my God.

[E]

Yeah, That's a big move.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really bad move. Yeah, really bad move.

[A]

I mean, another shout out for Nish here. But a line from the song that we will text each other sometimes is, paul, this is not your fight. Yeah, it really makes me laugh. These women would love a reason to destroy you.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's a. Yeah, it's a great verse.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

It really is a verse where every line is funny. That was.

[D]

We weren't. I was really happy. I just. I've never had a thing that I. In the pitching and in. Even in, you know, America, Sawyer and I were really on the same page, but it was kind of hard to describe it in total, and yet we just. We just knew what it was, and when it came out, it was exactly what we wanted.

[A]

Yeah, that kid is a great singer.

[D]

Jacob, who did Jake Ryan, who did Paul. He's a great singer. And that had a kind of Midnight Train to Georgia feel, which was Fun Plane. Plate of noodles was very Carole King. Chicken Soup with Rice, that song. So we were really excited about that one. Plain Plate of Noodles. I think a lot of kids had that. My little sister Claire was very plain pasta at every restaurant. My mom would order for her and explain it and be like, just noodles, you know? Know. So. And my dad used to have these ridiculous Stakes of like, are you going to order? He'd often go, are you going to order that when you're invited to Buckingham Palace? The ultimate test.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Also, I don't think you, you would order if you were in Buckingham Palace.

[D]

And from what I've seen, I don't think it's a sit down dinner. It looks like you all line up in one room and it was pretty quick.

[E]

But even if they were having you having pasta dinner, if someone had you over for dinner, would you be like, what would you order something when you arrived? Probably they just bring you. They bring you stuff.

[D]

I think it was getting to that stage where we'd be at like a wedding and my mom would be like, she can't have this. Can she have noodles? What's gonna happen when the Buckingham invitation and when I would cut my spaghetti, he would say that, what are you gonna do? Yeah, what are you gonna do on a date or at your wedding or at Buckingham Palace? She's always adding wedding at your wedding. You're gonna look like a fool if you don't learn how to eat better. Well, just because you know a groom. Just.

[E]

So you meant eating in general. In general, rather than there's going to be spaghetti at all these places.

[D]

Yeah. Not like, hey, I could show you how to eat your spaghetti. It was like, in the next 20 years, an invitation is going to come in that you can't pass up.

[A]

Your dad is such a great character when he crops up in your stand up. What's his opinion on how he's portrayed?

[D]

I think he really likes it. I found most everyone's happy to be mentioned the only times I've had any static or when the people who are not mentioned. Yeah, he likes it a lot. I think it's added to this vibe. He was very happy to put out of, like cold and unapproachable. He liked that at work a lot. He had no family photos in his office, at his law firm, he had one photo of a federal judge named Ed Weinfeld that he had clerked for, who was like a look, man looked like a bird. He had bald head with a big bow tie. And that was the only photo he had. And I asked him, I go, why don't you have any pictures of us? He goes, I don't want anyone who walks in here to know anything about me.

[E]

Wow.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

And the seats in his office were too narrow so that people wouldn't stay for long.

[E]

Well, I love that.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

It's what we're trying to do with the studio, actually.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So your dream drink, John.

[D]

Pretty arbitrary. I'll go. Cherry Coke.

[A]

Lovely. Yeah, lovely.

[D]

Yeah. So. So carbonated, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So obviously at that point in the meal, I'm okay with it.

[E]

You're going to be up and down to the toilet quite a lot. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Do you drink wine with dinner?

[A]

He does sometimes, yeah.

[E]

If I'm out, I'm not drinking. I'm not drinking wine at home.

[D]

It's funny, when I drank, I never did. So when I see people doing it, I'm like, I wonder, does that taste good going back and forth like that?

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

That's why it's. But is it.

[D]

Does it when food makes your mouth dry, is it like refreshing wine?

[E]

Depends. If you're having, like a cold white wine, it might be refreshing if it's a hot day.

[D]

Right. But a hot red on a hot day.

[E]

A hot red and a hot day does not work.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

I'd say now you gotta.

[D]

It always looked to me like, is that helping? The. The fundamental reason you have a drink is to help with how dry food can be.

[E]

I wouldn't say food necessarily makes my mouth dry when I'm eating it.

[D]

It. Then you're not doing it right.

[E]

Yeah, yeah. Because my saliva's, like, in there and stuff as well. So I'm not like, I need a drink. I've made my mouth dry with all this food.

[D]

What do I not? So I'm. Help me with what I'm saying then. I don't mean dry, but you just mean like, what is the condition that food leaves our mouths in where we need to drink something?

[A]

Yeah. It doesn't really.

[D]

It's wiped out. It just feels like you need to refresh it. You need to refresh it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

I mean, I think wine does do that. And also you compare wine to food and you know it can.

[D]

Yeah. Because they'll have a whole sensation. Right. And they'll talk a lot about it.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And they have people that serve wine. Yeah, Exclusively.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

The wine guys.

[D]

Yeah, wine guys.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And they'll tell you all about it. Cherry Coke is just. In fact, I'm gonna have one as soon as I can. I haven't had one in a while.

[A]

We've got fun. We've got some Cherry Pepsi Max in the fridge.

[D]

Oh, yeah, I'll have that.

[A]

Is that good enough?

[D]

Yeah, yeah. 100 cherry Pepsi is really fun. I don't drink a regular Pepsi, but Cherry Pepsi is really.

[E]

Cherry Pepsi Max is up there for my favorite drinks.

[D]

I think what's the max. Is that more caffeine or something?

[A]

Less, I think less.

[E]

No sugar.

[A]

It's basically.

[D]

Oh, it's like a Coke Zero. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

But I don't know why it's Coke

[D]

Zero on the flight today. And it was a real thing. Yeah, yeah. They were like Diet Coke people. It was just everybody was ordering Coke Zero and they didn't have any. And so it was a lot of. We have diet, we have regular. Oh, no. Coke Zero. It was like the same conversation happening as if no one could overhear what had just happened at the.

[A]

Yeah. What did you watch on the flight?

[D]

Nothing. 50 minute flight from Dublin.

[A]

Oh, of course it's from Dublin. I thought it was from America. What did you watch on the flight from America to Dublin?

[D]

I watched a documentary about the move group in Philadelphia. They were kind of a back to nature and also semi revolutionary, not quite Black Panthers, but they were an African American group in Philadelphia in the 70s that. That the police just destroyed. There's an HBO documentary about some of them who are still in prison 40 years later. I watched some of that and then fell asleep.

[A]

Yeah, fair enough.

[D]

Yeah. And then woke up with just about the nicest Coke Zero you've ever had.

[A]

When I was in Philadelphia, I really wanted to go around and see the. There's loads of famous graffiti there. Cause there's a whole thing in the past of like.

[D]

Really?

[A]

Yeah, like graffiti and got like, kind of was illegal and then like all these people got punished for graffiti and. And then now those same people are basically the people designing the murals and stuff around Philadelphia.

[D]

Right.

[A]

And I wanted to go out and see these, like, historical bits of graffiti, but I forgot. And then I was really gutted on them playing home because, like, I understand that one of them. It probably still isn't there, but they graffiti the side of an elephant at the zoo.

[D]

Oh, that's wild.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And he stood still the whole time.

[A]

Yeah, they managed to tag it. Just tag this elephant.

[D]

Wow. Did you ever graffiti?

[A]

No way.

[E]

Not in any serious way.

[D]

Yeah, I did a couple. I tagged up a couple garages.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's pretty.

[D]

A couple.

[A]

That's good. That's pretty big. What was a marker?

[D]

No, not with a spray can.

[E]

What was your tag?

[D]

I've known how to operate. I'll tell you in a second. I've never known how to operate a spray can. No, Like, I've never done it where it always just gets all over my hand.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

How does really spray and make letters? That's an art.

[E]

You're pointing it the wrong way. So the hole needs to be facing towards the wall.

[D]

It does.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

No, shake is. And then get a little. Oh, you're right. I. With a marker, I wrote we are the fuckers.

[E]

We are the fuckers.

[D]

We are the fuckers.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Kind of like we. And we've been here and we might come back.

[E]

And this is pre. Meet the.

[A]

Can't be.

[D]

We are the fuckers was before Meet the Fockers.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

We had the word before Meet the fuck. We are the fuckers.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Kind of like we fuck. We're, you know, we're 12. We fuck. We've been here and we might come back.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

You didn't even know we were here.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

I found some liquid chalk pens once on the street.

[D]

Wonderful.

[E]

And I was like, I'm gonna do some graffiti. But I didn't want to do it on any public property. So I went and did it to my own bedroom and wrote slipknot lyrics on my chest of drawers.

[D]

Oh, cool.

[E]

And then wrote Anton Sansor lavey on the inside of my wardrobe. Who was the Satanist? The head of the Satanist church.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

You know what's funny about Anton lavey is there was a Manson girl who rolled with him for a little bit and she was so intense. He went, you like it was during some orgy. And Sam, he went, you gotta get out of here. We're not actually doing this. Come on. Yeah. And he kicked her out. Being too intense.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

He was the same the whole time. That guy bawled and loved the devil. Like it wasn't like, yeah, I have a new wave. It's just always the same welcome. Just all the same.

[A]

Same.

[D]

Yeah, same every day. Every day. Got up.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Wear dark clothes again and do that.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Devil goths are consistent is what you find about them.

[D]

Yeah. I just. I wondered, was he like year four? You're like, are you bored of this? Because it feels like it was just like to escalate. Nasty behavior.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And now you're just in it and like, you know, having people send self addressed stamped envelopes and stuff your dream deserve. You were into him, huh?

[A]

Yeah, fair enough. Stuff.

[E]

I was. I was like a metalhead and like loved all of those bands and stuff. And then, you know, read up on Satanism. I was never into it in a

[A]

sort of real life music and wanted to.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

The bands to think he was cool.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Scary Satan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember that. You know that time. Yeah. You see like at a head shop with Sold bongs. It'd be the pentagrams. You go, no, I'm not even. I don't even know what I believe. But, no, I'm not gonna mess with that.

[E]

I still, like. I've got a little devil on my. On my chain today.

[A]

Oh, yeah, there. He's got a little trident.

[D]

There he is. You're right.

[E]

I love that guy.

[D]

Well, that's the devil.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And Satan feels like a different kettle of fish.

[A]

Sure. Yeah. That's serious.

[E]

Well, but I think they're the two sides of the same coin.

[D]

100. But devil feels like, you know, like.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Satan is like, you know, I'm the father of all lies.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Things like that. Devil's like, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

He's like, prodding people in the butt.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

He's the guy on the shoulder, the devil.

[A]

Right.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Satan's not on the shoulder. Jesus.

[D]

Yeah. Satan's on. Satan's a big, like.

[E]

Satan's on the back.

[D]

He's a big goated beast.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You know.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. You think? Dessert.

[D]

Speaking of missing, what was the movie? Cinderella.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

While in rehab, a bag of Sour Patch Kids and a cigarette outside in the cold Pennsylvania snow.

[A]

See, now I'm gonna come across as an absolute superfan. But again, this is a line that Nish particularly likes. While we'll hear all the time is eating Sour Patch Kids and repeating gossip.

[D]

Repeating gossip. That I really appreciate. That's from an SNL monologue. I've never heard anyone mention that story.

[A]

It's.

[D]

I like it. Thank you very much.

[A]

You don't know Nish Kumar.

[D]

I know of.

[A]

That is one of his favorite SNL monologues.

[D]

Oh, fantastic.

[A]

He talks about it a lot. Annie references that line specifically.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Is this about bringing your kids to work? Is it?

[D]

No, it was Make a Wish we had. Yeah. And this young woman, Elizabeth, wanted to meet me as her wish, which I already thought was like. I was like, oh, man, she doesn't have to make a wish. You know, you can make a plan to meet me. Like, you could just ask to meet me. It doesn't have to be a wish. And then she said, I want to see how you spend a day. And I said, I wouldn't wish that on a healthy adult. I don't want to have her just watch me eating Sour Patch Kids and repeating gossip.

[A]

Repeating gossip is lovely.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Just so good.

[D]

Really fun. Yeah.

[A]

So for your dessert, are you repeating gossip?

[E]

Are you having Sour Patch Kids in a cigarette?

[D]

Sour Patch Kids in a cigarette. Yeah. Just a very nice candy memory.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

If I were to give another answer. Banana cream pie at this restaurant. Joe Allen and I like sticky toffee pudding a lot.

[A]

What. What's the cigarette?

[E]

Oh, yeah, we got a good.

[D]

It would have been a. A Camel light or Camel Blue, I guess, or maybe a Parliament, Whatever we had.

[A]

And there's different types of Sour Patch Kids, right?

[D]

This was a regular bag. Definitely not the watermelon kind. I don't like the watermelon kind. I'm really surprised they make it. Yeah, it's really like not. I can't believe this is. But enough people's drink.

[E]

Yeah. Enough people must love it that they still make it.

[D]

I guess. I mean, look, they'd obviously know what they doing.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

This is a big company.

[A]

I had a. To the last bag of Sour Patch Kids I had was last month. I had a very, very bad hangover in San Francisco. And I just. My body just wanted some Sour Patch Kids for some reason. And I only ever had Sour Patch Kids in the UK before. So I got them from the hotel lobby. There was some Sour Patch Kids. Open it up. They're so much smaller here, the kids.

[D]

Yeah. And in fact we sell away in the uk.

[A]

Sorry. In. In America they're smaller. Diddy little kids. I know you open it up. They're so tiny.

[D]

Sell a thing called A Big Kid, which is its own pat, its own rapper. Like a prophylactic. Inside is a little. Is a larger Sour Patch Kid. But I totally agree.

[E]

Spielberg would hate that guy. The Big Kid.

[A]

Yeah, for sure.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Roald Dahl would hate him. Chase him out of his little hut.

[A]

He probably wrote and he'll give him a lecture and drag a razor across his neck.

[E]

You got to be like the little kid.

[A]

This is how I cut you by the.

[D]

Roald Dahl. Keep it that he could criticize other people's weight.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

I mean I've seen pictures of him. It doesn't. He wasn't ripped.

[D]

Wasn't ripped.

[E]

No.

[A]

He's pretty. He's pretty.

[D]

Could he have dropped seven pounds though, at any. I mean, I bet he could have.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Sour Patch Kids. Yeah, they're getting smaller. We also have Tate's Cookies.

[A]

Uh huh.

[D]

And that is a Wonder was a wonderful large, salty, crispy cookie, you know, sold in stores. But you get it at like a Dean and DeLuca now. They're everywhere. They're getting tinier, less crispy. It's a real shame. I think they got a CO packer. And that's what businesses have to do to survive. But it certainly Isn't great for those that knew how big the cookies once were.

[A]

Look, when you're hungover and you don't expect the Sour Patch Kids to be that small. It is.

[D]

Were you doing a show in San Francisco?

[A]

I was the night before. Yeah. This was just. This was a travel day, so it's even worse.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And the whole day I'm just in the lobby. I was gonna go out and do a bunch of stuff in San Francisco, and now I can't sit in the lobby. Move. It's Valentine's Day. I was sitting in the lobby, and they were having a Valentine's Day mixer. And I was sitting there eating Sour Patch Kids and hungover. And everyone else is in their 50s, and they're. And they've got, like, love heart cardigans on, and they're sitting around and like. Like, mingling.

[D]

You're at the Club Quarters. Where are you staying?

[A]

I can't remember what the hotel was called now. I mean, it was near the Mason. Got Masonic.

[D]

Oh, you're near the Masonic.

[A]

So I was near there. And at one point, like, a man and a woman just sat next to me, basically on a first date. And they've. For some reason, whoever's running the Valentine's mix was giving everyone these. The biggest sandwiches I've ever seen. And so dry. Like, there's no mayo or anything in them. It's just the driest bread. Crustiest, driest bread. It's so wider than anyone's mouth. Taller than anyone's mouth.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And full of just, like, dried cheese. And both these people are trying to be on a date together while eating these free sandwiches that they've been given that are awful. And obviously, I'll just hear everything they're talking about. They might as well be sitting on top of me. And first of all, it's just trying to break the ice with. These sandwiches are so big.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And then they're so dry. And the guy said, like, to her, we're in it together. And then she did a really big laugh. Way more than it deserved, because it's like a date.

[D]

I'm glad she gave him the laugh.

[A]

And then eventually, like, they run out of things to say. And she just went, I'm scared of AI.

[D]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Then I was in the middle of that.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

That was out of nowhere. I'm scared of AI. That wasn't, like, teed up or anything.

[E]

It was good to be open on a first date.

[A]

But he wasn't scared of AI.

[D]

What did he think?

[A]

He said, I think it's basically going to be fine. I don't think you need to worry about this sort of stuff. There's no point worrying. You can't control it. You're, like, too much for a first date. It's the end.

[E]

There's no relationship forming out of it.

[D]

No, but like, I thought it was going to be. We'll find responsible ways to harness it. We just need to get ahead of it.

[A]

He's just telling her, don't be worried.

[D]

Don't be worried. Cut. We can't control.

[A]

You're stupid for worrying about it. You can't control anything. There's no point worrying about stuff you can't control. Yeah, well, this is bad.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

You're not meeting up again?

[D]

No, not at all.

[A]

And I'm there in my tiny sour patties.

[D]

Did they acknowledge you at all, talk to you?

[A]

At no point. Yeah, at no point. I think they could tell I was. I was having a rough time, maybe.

[E]

She said, I'm scared of that guy.

[A]

Said, you can't do anything about me.

[D]

Sounded like AI.

[A]

I'll read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

You would like still water. You would like poppadoms. You want a French onion soup as your starter. You want chicken parm as your main side dish. Hen of the woods mushrooms. Drink a cherry Coke. And dessert, A bag of Sour Patch Kids and a cigarette.

[D]

That's right.

[A]

How do you feel about that, Jon?

[D]

You know, looking back, I went with Hen of the woods, and that's what it is.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

It sticks out as maybe there could be work on that, you know, on that part of the menu. But we open in two days, and that's gonna be what we go with.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, that's gonna be good.

[D]

That's gonna be good.

[A]

Thank you so much for coming on the podcast.

[D]

It's really fun.

[E]

Thank you, John.

[D]

Thanks very much for having me.

[A]

Thank you, John Mulaney.

[E]

Thank you. Well, there we are, Jimmy.

[A]

A lovely menu.

[E]

Lovely menu.

[A]

I think we got to talk about all of my favorite John Mulaney things.

[E]

Yes. I always remember just we've not been recording for a while. I always remember that someone's gonna come in, you're gonna pitch all your memories, everything you know about their work, everything you enjoy about the work. I've seen all of it. I ain't remembering stuff.

[A]

Yeah. And I. I'm just gonna tell them what I remember. I've got no follow up, got no questions about it, or. I was very lucky that John used Those as springboards for anecdotes.

[E]

Well, yeah, and also he was delighted that you would. You know, there was very specific things that you liked, and he liked those things as well. And occasionally you look at me for reassurance and I'd go, I just sort of nod at him.

[A]

That's nice.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Good to have a nod. Good to have someone nodding at you.

[E]

Look, he's great. He doesn't need my reassurance, you know.

[A]

No, I mean, you know, this is obviously on YouTube, so people can watch and see if.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

If. If John Mulaney needs your reassurance.

[E]

I don't think he does. He's an assured guy. Also, a lot of your compliments were via niche. I would say, oh, there wasn't. There was a lot of, like, I like that. But then a few of them, you went, nish likes this.

[A]

Yeah, well, a. It's true.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Nish loves them.

[E]

Is that also comfortable for you than giving a direct compliment?

[A]

Would you say, no, I think that, like, I. Joe, what if I was on a podcast, If I went on an American podcast and one of the American comedians was saying, like, I love your stuff, and there's another American comedian, and he loves this bit you did.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

It would make me feel even better. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

But if you go on an American podcast, there's no way they're saying, no, they like your stuff.

[D]

Stuff.

[A]

No, none of them know what I've done at all. But, you know, so I guess I'm just, like, living. I'm going, I'm gonna give John Mulaney the experience I wish I had. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Telling him, look, it's not just me who likes your stuff. This other comedian likes it. He quotes it all the time.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Must feel pretty good to be John Mulaney right now going home.

[E]

Oh, I bet.

[A]

Especially because he didn't say, one black coffee.

[E]

Yeah. He stayed in the restaurant for the whole meal.

[A]

Yeah. Didn't say, one black coffee, which is

[E]

a dangerous one because it could. It could have come at the end of the meal.

[A]

Could have said, by the way, to round off the meal, one black coffee, please.

[E]

Get out, get out, get out.

[A]

All right.

[E]

I was going anyway.

[A]

Yeah. And we would have said, we're not going to promote your tour, Mr. Whatever. Yeah. Which is happening from April 17th to the 27th around the UK and in Dublin. But as it is, we can promote that now.

[E]

And I would have been like, I'm gonna promote my tour instead. John Mulaney.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Fresh hell.

[A]

Fresh hell.

[E]

Brand New stand up comedy show by Ed Gamble. 2027, end of January, 2027 through to God knows when. Probably 2030 or something.

[A]

Sounds pretty happy about it.

[E]

I'll be happy about it for the first year.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So see him in the first year and then if you like seeing a comedian, you know, regretting being on stage, which can be fun, then see him after the first year.

[E]

Yeah. Although normally then I'm fresh again because it'll be like international show, so it'd be exciting.

[A]

Yeah. And if you like that sort of stuff, you like seeing a comedian regretting their decision, see me anytime in my show cycle. Well, my God.

[E]

From show one to show 300.

[A]

Yeah. On stage. Go. Why don't I do this again? I mean, I love it. Yeah. In theory.

[E]

I do think you should just write the shows and then never perform them.

[A]

I should find someone else to do them.

[E]

It's a good idea.

[A]

Should get someone else to make that. Could be, you know, after this show.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Moving forward, I'll just find someone.

[E]

Franchise it who will.

[A]

Yeah, franchise.

[E]

Like typeface.

[A]

Exactly. Like Tape Face. Maybe I'll get Tape Face to do it because he's not doing his own shows anymore because he's franchised it.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'm going to get Tape Face to perform my shows.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Take the tape off.

[E]

Take the tape off.

[A]

Try see how some words suit him. Yeah.

[E]

Thank you for listening. Watching. We'll be back next week with another great episode of our very funny podcast.

[A]

See you later.

[C]

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