Kiell Smith-Bynoe (Tasting Menu – Live at the Royal Albert Hall)

Summary

Off Menu Podcast: Kiell Smith-Bynoe (Tasting Menu – Live at the Royal Albert Hall)

Date: July 6, 2026
Episode Theme:
A chaotic, character-filled live "Tasting Menu" episode at the Royal Albert Hall, in which returning guest Kiell Smith-Bynoe is presented with another previous guest's dream meal (Bob Mortimer's), while Ed Gamble and James Acaster navigate tangents, improv, and the quirks of live performance.

---

Episode Overview

In this special live edition, Ed and James revisit the Off Menu "Tasting Menu" format, where fan-favorite Kiell Smith-Bynoe returns—not to order his own dream meal, but to eat his way through Bob Mortimer’s legendary menu. With Kiell arriving in character as "Miles White" (his never-produced Australian chef persona), the episode rapidly descends into playful chaos, digressions, and behind-the-scenes camaraderie. Expect off-menu anecdotes, on-stage drinking, spirited debate about hot dogs and utensils, and riotous improv energy.

---

Key Highlights and Discussion Points

1. Setting the Scene: Live Energy & Miles White

• Live Show Context: Opening banter establishes this is the evening show at Royal Albert Hall after already performing a matinee ([03:35]).
  • James: "We'd already done a matinee, but you wouldn’t know it with the amount of energy…"
  • Ed: "Plucky boys, wide eyed and bushy tailed."
• Kiell in Costume:
  • Kiell enters in full chef whites, debuting "Miles White", a forgotten Australian TV chef character:
    • Kyle: "I created a character called Miles White… He was Australian. He didn’t know he was black. That was his thing." ([07:22])
    • Ed: "Can you give us a quick blast of the voice?" ([08:38])
    • Kyle (as Miles White): "Ah, shit, it’s burnt." ([08:52])
  • Comic reflections about how costumes/props spark unintended conversations.

2. Warm-Up: Drinks, Records, and Friendships

• Drinking On-Stage: Kiell brings (and pours) Eagle Rare bourbon for the table—establishing his status as the only Off Menu guest to drink live ([17:59]).
  • Kyle: "I brought it from home."
  • Ed: "This is good shit, man. I love Eagle Rare."
• Podcast Records and Running Gags:
  • Long-running episode duration jokes; Kiell laments losing his "longest episode" record to Ross Noble ([17:11]).
  • Notable negative shout out: Still only guest to negatively plug a place left in edit ([17:21]).
• Friendship & WhatsApp Groups:
  • Discussion of the “Jan3” dinner WhatsApp group (Ed, Kiell, Phil Wang, Alex Horne) and its struggle to stay active ([23:00]).
  • Humorous debate about late-night dining preferences:
    • Kiell: "9pm, that’s a bit early for me." ([24:16])
• Improv Show Invitation Antics:
  • Kiell repeatedly invites James to his improv show; James resists unless Kiell spends the entire night in character ([25:02]).
    • James: "I will do it if you do it as Miles White all night." ([25:12])

---

3. The Tasting Menu: Bob Mortimer’s Legendary Eats

Menu Reveal ([29:53])

• James: "Is there anyone in particular you’re hoping for?"
• Kyle: "Bridget Christie."
• James: "Well, it’s Bob Mortimer."

Water Course: Still Water

• Both Kiell and Bob prefer still; mutual relief ([30:47]).
  • James: "You and Bob are both having still water together."
  • Water wars: The trio mock sparkling water’s appeal.
  • Emergence of “Alan Shearer” and “Lukewarm” imaginary Geordie characters ([31:11]).

Bread: Lukewarm Crusts with Olive Oil & Butter

• Analysis of "lukewarm": Comically pedantic debate about what "lukewarm" means ([32:39]).
  • Kyle: "What does lukewarm mean? … Is it room temp? How far is lukewarm off room temp?”
  • Ed: "Lukewarm would also be a great new character for you."

Starter: Odeon Cinema Hot Dog with Ketchup & Mustard

• Crowd favorite. Kiell enjoys, but laments modern hot dogs being "out of hand" with excessive toppings ([36:06]).
  • Sidelined: A discussion on correct condiment application technique.
  • Kyle: "She put the ketchup all over the bread too. That's fucked up, man." ([38:01])
  • Ed: "You want it on the sausage, not the bread." ([39:02])
• Legendary Bob Mortimer anecdote:
  • James: "Bob gets his finger and… mixes [the sauces] back and forth in a wavy line… lifts up his finger… 'It's good to be alive, son.' And then he licks it." ([41:01])
  • Kyle’s reaction: "I'd stop going. Unenjoyable experience." ([41:30])

Main: Chicken Vindaloo, Three Poppadoms & Chips

• Kyle: “I don’t like Indian food... I don’t like Mexican” ([42:28]).
  • Guys tease him, threaten to “clip that up” for misquoting.
• Honest confession about disliking certain spice profiles, regardless of heat; possible dislike for coriander/cumin, but not sure ([43:44]).
• Detour into “Vindaloo” football song, UK 90s nostalgia ([45:28]):
  • Ed: "It was a football song. They tried to write it about Chicken Tikka Masala, but it didn’t scan." ([47:22])
  • Kiell improvises: "Bangers and mash" as national football anthem ([48:24]).

Side: Shallow-Fried Turbot

• Fish confusion: Kiell struggles to distinguish between pans and pots, leading to navel-gazing about British cooking utensils ([55:04]).
  • Ed: "Did it have a long handle?"
  • Kyle: (comically unable to answer, becomes a running gag)
• First time (he claims) frying an egg in a saucepan – with disastrous, murky results.

Drink: Citrus IPA at -20°C

• Ed: "It’s going to be at minus 20.”
• Kyle: “Citrus is a big no for me… I’m a spiritsman." ([68:23], [71:12])
  • Hates lemon, lime, beer, lager, and dislikes cold drinks except bottled Coke.
• Upcoming Saturday Kitchen appearance and his “food hell” being any citrus.

Dessert: Syrup Sponge Pudding and Custard

• Ed: "Do you want it to be your birthday for this dessert?" ([75:12])
  • Kiell’s actual birthday only eight days before recording; had both an M&S Black Forest Gateau and a new favorite Malaga dessert: “Almendrado” (almond crunch, vanilla ice cream, amaretto, hot chocolate sauce).
  • Kyle: “The best dessert I’ve ever had…tops Black Forest Gateau.”
  • But Bob’s choice is “not my go-to,” though not food hell ([78:50]).

---

4. Overflowing Improv, Stories & Audience Banter

• Audience Interjections: Frequent asides and bants with live crowd; a running joke about an audience member (with an empty seat beside them) piping up with “correct” answers ([39:12], [60:15]).
• Improvising New Characters: Lukewarm and Fish Cage (a Nicholas Cage/fish mashup), among others, are invented on the fly ([33:41], [61:30]).
• On-Stage Technicalities: Recurring confusion about pots, pans, and what constitutes “fried” ([56:14]).
  • Culinary howlers inspire delight and affectionate mockery from Ed and James.

---

5. Reflective and Touching Moments

• Real-Life Crossover: Dinner invites, WhatsApp group trudgery, and how podcasting leads to weird job offers (Pasta puppet ad campaign after his first Off Menu appearance) ([14:05]).
• Friendship and Generational Roasting: Ed and James play up old-man confusion, phone mishaps, and sharing birthday trivia, with plenty of gentle ribbing ([21:16], [74:32]).

---

Notable Quotes & Time Stamps

• On drinking live: "I brought it from home." – Kiell ([17:59])
• Miles White Character: "He was Australian. He didn’t know he was black. That was his thing." – Kiell ([07:22])
• On why he doesn’t like Indian/Mexican: "It’s not the spice level. It’s the taste...I don’t know what herbs they got up in that, but I just...I don’t like it." – Kiell ([43:24])
• Bob Mortimer Hot Dog Ritual: "Bob gets his finger… mixes them back and forth… lifts up his finger… 'It's good to be alive, son.' And then he licks it." – James ([41:01])
• On pastas-as-personality: "I'd be orecchiette, ‘cause...I’ve got little ears." – Ed ([16:02])
• Egg-in-a-pot attempt: "I tried to do an egg in a pot the other day…" – Kiell ([55:04])
• Live improv show negotiation: "I will do it if you do it as Miles White all night." – James ([25:12])
• Dessert discovery: "Almendrado… almond crunch, vanilla ice cream wrapped in sponge cake coated in amaretto, toasted almonds, hot chocolate sauce... best dessert I’ve ever had." – Kiell ([77:45])

---

Key Timestamps

• 03:24 – Episode kicks off, live at Royal Albert Hall
• 05:41 – Introduction of Kiell Smith-Bynoe in chef costume
• 07:22 – The story of Miles White, the scrapped chef character
• 17:59 – The bourbon emerges; unique Off Menu drinking moment
• 23:00 – Jan3 dinner group & WhatsApp chat
• 25:12 – The challenge: Improv show only if Kiell stays in character as Miles White
• 29:53 – Reveal of Bob Mortimer's menu
• 30:47 – Still water camaraderie
• 31:38 – Lukewarm crusts debate
• 36:06 – Cinema hot dog starter; condiment application etiquette
• 42:28 – Kiell’s controversial dislike for Indian/Mexican cuisines
• 45:28 – Football song “Vindaloo” tangent
• 55:04 – Confusion over pots vs. pans; egg-frying mishap
• 68:23 – Citrus IPA aversion and “spiritsman” declaration
• 75:12 – Dessert section; birthday banter & favorite Malaga dessert
• 79:47 – Reflections on the meal and meeting Bob Mortimer

---

Overall Tone & Style

• Rambling, anarchic, and joyous—hosts and guest riff endlessly, embracing digression, self-parody, and spontaneous new characters.
• Unapologetically tangential—the menu is almost secondary to jokes about pasta puppets, chat-gone-wild, and failed cooking attempts.
• Warm rapport—occasional digs are affectionate; audience laughter and participation fuel the chaos.

---

Conclusion

An exuberant, off-script showcase of what makes Off Menu a cult favorite: food is the gateway to banter, improvised characters, and affectionate chaos. Kiell’s honesty and unpretentious taste run headlong into Bob Mortimer’s wild menu, but the real meal is the camaraderie, digressions, and epic tales of WhatsApp chats, undercooked eggs, and live-show disasters.

Memorable moment:
Watching Kiell try to explain cooking utensils, or roast modern hot dogs, only for Ed and James to riff it into absurdity.

Would Kiell enjoy Bob’s menu? About 50/50—and that’s enough for a classic Off Menu night out.

Transcript

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

This episode is sponsored by zocdoc. Have you been putting off a doctor's appointment or need a dentist and you don't know where to start? We've definitely been there and that's why we use ZocDoc. Actually over the holidays, Michael had a dental emergency and seemingly every office was closed. But we hopped onto zocdoc, found an in network dentist, had great reviews, saw real time appointments available, which was key. It was on New Year's Day and booked an appointment in just minutes. It took so so much of the stress out of the already stressful situation. Zocdoc makes it easy to search and compare over 250,000 local in network providers across more than 200 specialties so you can find the right doctor or dentist and book instantly. Taking care of your health just got easier. Download the Zoc Doc app today and book that appointment on your to do list. That's Z Doc ZocDoc Grainger knows when you're a procurement manager for an office park, you're not managing one building, you're managing all of them. And to stay ahead, you need to see through walls and around corners. Lights about to fail, Filters ready to clog H Vac on its last leg. If you wait until something breaks, you're already behind. Count on Grainger for quality products, easy reordering and 24.

[James Acaster]

7 support.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Call 1-800-GRAINGER click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

[James Acaster]

He's dribbling the ball with everything on the line. He's driving down the pitch. He's facing price hikes and cuts past him. Carrier contracts, tries to block him. Oh, he leaves him in the dust. He's at the edge of the box. He cuts past the nonstop group chat, trash talk. He clears on goal. He shoots no unlimited data for $25 a month. Forever. Visit your local Boost Mobile store today to get unlimited data with a price that never changes. Boost mobile mobile after 30gb, customers may experience lower speeds. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the boost.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

$25 unlimited plan ready to experience something new? Alltrails helps you find your next hike, whether you're looking for something nearby or planning a trip.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Read reviews from real people like you to choose your trail and know what to expect.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

You can also download the map in case service gets split body. Plan and experience your next hike with All Trails the app for exploring the outdoors. Download it today and find your outside hi, it's Kat and Nat and this episode is sponsored by Michaels, your destination for all things birthday parties. With seven kids between us, we're always planning a celebration. Summer is no exception. With Prices Starting at just 99 cents, Michael's Party Shop has over 4,4500 party supplies across more than 60 themes for every age and every celebration. Whether your kids are into bluey rodeos, soccer, rainbows or something totally different, you'll find everything you need in one place. Plus you can get a free helium inflation on select balloon styles. Shop online, pick up in store or get same day delivery. Visit Michaels in store or shop online now.

[Ed Gamble]

Welcome to the Off Menu podcast.

[James Acaster]

Bonus Bonus.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a bonus live episode, James, from

[James Acaster]

the Royal Albert Hall.

[Ed Gamble]

The Royal Albert Hall 14th of March Evening Show.

[James Acaster]

Evening show. We'd already done a matinee, but you wouldn't know it with the amount of energy that we bring to this episode.

[Ed Gamble]

Plucky boys, wide eyed and bushy tailed.

[James Acaster]

And our guest is Kyle Smith Byno, obviously returning.

[Ed Gamble]

Kyle Smith Byno. This is a tasting menu. We gave him the menu of another previous fan favorite guest.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Talked him through those choices. But this one, this one got away from us.

[James Acaster]

James.

[Ed Gamble]

It went off in many different directions.

[James Acaster]

It did. There might be some stuff we refer to that happened in the first half, although there's a lot happening in the second half that might equally make no sense. I mean, it's worth telling you as a listener that Kyle does come on dressed as a chef.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

And yeah, you should know that Chef

[Ed Gamble]

White's come stressed as one of his famous characters.

[James Acaster]

Yes. It's a character.

[Ed Gamble]

And also we make reference to singing a song at the end of the show. We did sing, we did karaoke at the end of the show. We can't put that on the episode for multiple reasons. Song rights and also quality. It was I'd say one of the worst closings to a show the Royal Alcohol has ever seen.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. This show was really fun and went really well. The ending was neither of those things. And you are not missing out.

[Ed Gamble]

No, don't worry about missing out.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it was bad. It was a really in terms of like shows that I've done in my life and I include standup in this. I'd say it's the most kind of like the show was brilliant and then the end was one of the worst things I've ever done.

[Ed Gamble]

It should have been good.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it should have been good.

[Ed Gamble]

It was a good idea. Yes. But we didn't quite pull it off. So don't worry, it's not on here. But you didn't miss it. You didn't miss anything.

[James Acaster]

You didn't miss anything. I mean, what else to tell you? I guess just, just to have fun, enjoy yourself, relax.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Listen to the podcast, I guess.

[Ed Gamble]

Kick back, enjoy.

[James Acaster]

Kick back and enjoy.

[Ed Gamble]

This is the off many tasting menu

[James Acaster]

of Kyle Smith Bino.

[Ed Gamble]

Kyle Smith bonus.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Oh, yeah,

[Ed Gamble]

We're very excited because now we are going to do a tasting menu of the off menu podcast.

[James Acaster]

Kick us off. Kick us off. Ed Gamble, like only you can.

[Ed Gamble]

Welcome to the off menu podcast. Taking the chocolate of conversation, putting it delicately into the mouth of humor and only then realizing it was the cat shit of podcasting. This is a tasting menu episode where we invite back an old fan favorite guest and give them another menu from another fan favorite guest. And we are very excited that tonight's guest is Kyle Smith Mino.

[James Acaster]

Welcome him to the stage.

[Ed Gamble]

Let's get him on straight away. Hit the music.

[James Acaster]

Bring him on. Well, he didn't tell us he was doing this.

[Ed Gamble]

Hello. So striking. Such a handsome chef.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

This hat is tight.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, let's pop you down in a chair, shall we? Chef Kyel, welcome.

[James Acaster]

Where, where did you get the outfit from?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

K. I asked my friend if I could borrow it eight years ago and he said yes. And it's been in a bag on the back of my door for exactly eight years. Then I took it to get pressed and they said it can't be done. It's been creased for so long. So paid double, got it pressed. They said they can't do the hat. They haven't got enough time, I guess.

[James Acaster]

What did you originally ask to buy?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, question.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yes, right, Sure. I, when I was, whatever eight years ago was, I created a character called Miles White who is going to be a TV chef. And I was like, wouldn't it be fun to do a character that will live and die and then you never think about it again? So I was going to play, I was going to do a character for one year and I was going to do videos and stuff and then he was going to die and then that would have been the end of it. Never did it.

[Ed Gamble]

Can you, how far did you get with the character? Can you tell us anything about Miles White?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, it was quite a lot of character development. He was Australian. He was, he didn't know he was black. That was his thing. I spent quite a lot of time looking up wigs and I found a really good Richard Branson wig that I was gonna get for the character and was gonna cast his wife and children. The children would have been white. That would have been funny.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

And

[James Acaster]

so a full family has spoken about this before. So when he dies, there's a whole family and, like, wife and kids that he's leaving behind. So it's quite sad at the end.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Can you give us a quick blast of the voice? We need to start the podcast officially, but just before we do, I'd love to hear a little bit from Miles White.

[James Acaster]

And this won't be the last we hear from him tonight either. There's no way we're not teeing you up for this on multiple occasions.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, I guess there's gonna be quite a lot of. Ah, shit, it's burnt.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh. So he's a bad chef.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

He was forgetful.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a really important character detail of Miles White. Very forgetful.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, it was quite forgetful.

[James Acaster]

So is Miles White not aware that he's black, or has Miles White forgot that he's black?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

It's just never mentioned.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, but his.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

His. His wife. His wife would be Caucasian, and as a result, so would the children. And he would never reference the fact that his children couldn't possibly be his.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. But he'd probably go, hang on a second, you can't be my kids. And then he'd forget the day after.

[James Acaster]

Right?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Why didn't you.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Maybe I will bring him back.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I think you should do. You've got the outfit. It looks good on you. Yeah, thank you. It looks really cool. And you should be Miles White and, like, start it and everyone here would know, you know, the full. Where it's headed, that he's gonna die.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I've honestly never spoken about it before, so doing it in front of this many people is insane.

[Ed Gamble]

When you put the outfit on, you must have thought it might come up.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Oh, yeah. I thought I could distract you with other stuff, but I guess not.

[Ed Gamble]

James, speaking of characters.

[James Acaster]

Oh, sorry.

[Ed Gamble]

I play a genie in this podcast.

[James Acaster]

Got to do my proper entrance, Kyle.

[Ed Gamble]

Now, Kyle, obviously James is a genie. He's going to be coming out of the lamp. A lot of people are confused now because they're thinking, where's James gone? Apart from the people sat over here?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Right. Because they can see him.

[Ed Gamble]

They can see him.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

If you could possibly rub the lamp for us to get. To get James out of the lamp, that would be great.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

And then the podcast has started.

[Ed Gamble]

And then the podcast started. When you've got the genie out of the lamp, that'd be great. Thank you, Robert.

[James Acaster]

And so as the character who's saying that.

[Ed Gamble]

How would Miles White rub the lamp?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Can I say that I've had loads to drink?

[Ed Gamble]

You can. We didn't. We saw Kyle when he arrived. We did a sound check this afternoon, and then we had a bit of a chat in the dressing room. And I'd say about 10 minutes before the first half started, Kyle went, yeah, well, I guess I'll just see you on stage. We're like, I don't need to just see us on stage. We thought maybe he's got some work to do. Turns out he's been drinking tequila and apple juice.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I will have to go to the toilet at some point during.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, the quicker you rub the lamp, the less weasy I have to do.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I'm doing squats back here, man. Come on.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Any part in particular or just.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, there's a funnier way and there's a less funny way. Yay. Welcome, Miles White, sugar drink restaurant.

[James Acaster]

We've been expecting you much of time.

[Ed Gamble]

Sit you down, Jeannie. Thank you. Welcome, Jeannie.

[James Acaster]

Nice to welcome Miles White.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I can't be Miles White now because I don't have the wig.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, it's all about the wig, is it?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, it is mainly in the. In the hair. That is the.

[Ed Gamble]

But you never bought the wig.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I never bought the wig, but I googled it loads.

[James Acaster]

Look, we're gonna give you another guest's menu tonight. So it's not gonna be your dream menu. It's gonna be another guest dream.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, I was sort of worried about that.

[James Acaster]

Why?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Because I don't like a lot of stuff. Well, I like, you know, he likes what he likes, but I feel like a lot of my responses will be. That's man. Yeah, yeah. Although, sorry, before we start quickly, I just have a few things that I wanted to chat to you guys about, please.

[Ed Gamble]

If it's about how this was a chef character, we know that already. Right.

[James Acaster]

Just. Just to be clear, you've already told us about Miles White.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Oh, yeah, I know that. You know, it's just a couple of things. I haven't seen you boys in a while.

[Ed Gamble]

No, been a while.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I wrote it down.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

What's your problem with Pizza Hut?

[Ed Gamble]

With Pizza Hut?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I don't.

[Ed Gamble]

I think I've been quite complimentary about Pizza Hut over the years because I like the sort of golden, almost fried taste of the base of the pizzas. I'm a big fan of that. What have we said about Pizza Hut in the past that's upset you?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

So I did this podcast in 2022 yeah, it came out in 2023.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, sorry about that.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Every week. Oh, it'll be me. It'll be me this time. And then off that, I got offered. Offered? Is that the right word?

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

Depends what the next word is.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I got offered the part of a pasta puppet in Dolmio adverts.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, that's a dream role.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

So me and John Kearns play pasta puppets.

[James Acaster]

What?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Hang on.

[Ed Gamble]

When did this happen?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

This, like, end of 2023, maybe.

[James Acaster]

And you did it? Yeah. Kearns has never mentioned this?

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[James Acaster]

You and Kearns are the Dolmeo puppets.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah. No, not the Italian ones.

[Ed Gamble]

You can do it. You can do all the different accents.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

We found out tonight there were, like, new. New ones. And has anyone seen that advert? There's like, one messy one and there's one, like, in a. Nobody. How can nobody have seen it?

[Ed Gamble]

How much have you had to drink, Kyle?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

It was. I'm like a messy spaghetti pasta puppet. And then John Kearns is like a. What's the penne? Penne?

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, you're literally made of pasta. You're not Dolio family members who just love pasta.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

That's. You can't do that.

[James Acaster]

Oh, so that's what they were trying to correct.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So we can't do that Italian family anymore. Yeah, they're stereotypes. So we want you two to be talking. Talking pasta. Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

And he's got a. He's got a bow that's made out of. What's the bow?

[Ed Gamble]

One Farfalay.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yes, please. And he's got a bow and he's, like, sort of straight laced. And he's like, oh, no, you can't do that. And then I'm like, oh, yeah, do what you want. And it's. It is exactly like that. And that was off. Off menu. That was. We got that because of off menu. Well, I did. That's what they told me. And then I said it feels like

[Ed Gamble]

they want to cast two people to play puppets from off menu. We already know. We already know what pasta shapes would be. Someone asked us last night.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Oh, what's the answer?

[James Acaster]

They made me the one that's all. The frilly one.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Fusely, because he's all twisty and you're quick with us.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

You're quick with those pasta shapes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll do a food podcast, man. I've learned the pasta shapes.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Right.

[James Acaster]

And I know how to say jam on.

[Ed Gamble]

And I'd be orecchiette, because they're the little ears and I've got little ears.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Little ears.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. That's orecchiette is the ones that are like. They look like little shells, but it literally means small ears because they look like little ears.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

What's he talking about?

[James Acaster]

I don't always know, but he's a great guy. He's very supportive.

[Ed Gamble]

My favorite pasta shape because I'm a metalhead is strozza pretti, which is a strangled priest. That means that's fucking sick, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

That is cool.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

It's demonic.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's pretty demonic. But that's cool if you're a metalhead.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Like, I like a campanelli.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah. What's that one?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

No, I did. I go to Vapiano's. I say, I want a campanelli, please.

[James Acaster]

Domio. Staying away from that character, I imagine.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

But we got that because of do. Sorry, how does this relate to Pizza Hut?

[James Acaster]

Just so you're aware, if you're not aware of this, to this date, Kyle holds the record for the longest episode we've ever recorded. So.

[Ed Gamble]

And I'm beginning to get that muscle memory back. I think I remember why some of

[James Acaster]

you might want to text your babysitters now.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

That was true. And then that got beaten and I text ed about it because I was fucking livid.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Ross Noble.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Overtook me. But I still have some records on this podcast. I believe I'm still the only person to shout out a place negatively

[Ed Gamble]

that's been left in the edit. Sure.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

And still the only one to drink on the podcast.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Yeah, I know.

[Ed Gamble]

You're right.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Speaking of.

[Dani Pellegrino]

Shall we?

[Ed Gamble]

Hang on.

[James Acaster]

I didn't even see that when I was behind the lamp.

[Ed Gamble]

Where's that come.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

What the.

[James Acaster]

Did you see that? You must have seen it from your seat.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I'm genuinely surprised because. Also, did you bring this with you or did they buy it? Did they buy it?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I brought it.

[Ed Gamble]

You brought it?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I brought it from home.

[Ed Gamble]

Is that true?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

This is good shit, man. I love Eagle rare.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's one of my favorite bourbons.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I got this. What did you ask me? What was the question?

[Ed Gamble]

You. You were telling us something.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

You were telling us something.

[Ed Gamble]

You were saying about drunk on the podcast. You got the booze out and then you said. What was the question?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I did a play in 2016.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, this doesn't feel relevant, but carry on.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

And I didn't really know anything about drinked, like, properly. I would just drink.

[Ed Gamble]

You poured in that one already.

[James Acaster]

You keep making ones bigger and then leveling them all out. That's ridiculous, Kyle.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, they feel level to me.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

And the director was a whiskey guy and he was like, you've got to get the eagle rare. So I got this in 2016.

[Ed Gamble]

Wow, nice.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

And it was already aged 10 years. I was 20.

[Ed Gamble]

I've already got into bourbon recently. Tell me if you think this is a cool thing to do.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I don't know if we have any ice or any.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, don't worry about it. Let's have an eat.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Cheers, lads.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, cheers. Cheers.

[James Acaster]

Thank you for coming. Thank you. Cheers everybody.

[Ed Gamble]

I've started watching bourbon youtubers who mainly men from the deep south of America and they do one hour long videos where they go to different liquor stores and film what's on the shelves.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And I will watch those every night.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Send me the link.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

I will.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

That is nice now.

[James Acaster]

That's really nice.

[Ed Gamble]

It's really lovely.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

It is nice. So Peter, you I then can I

[Ed Gamble]

say you're not the only guest to drink on the podcast now. You're the only guest to do an evening record, if that helps.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Right.

[Ed Gamble]

You're the only one. I've done an evening record. But Finn Wolfhard had had a Guinness.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Well, that little kid.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Is he even allowed to drink? How old is he?

[James Acaster]

He's 23 now, but he's probably 21 when he has 23. It was.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it was 14. It was Stranger Things series one.

[James Acaster]

We interviewed him, he went straight to the Upside down as soon as he said that.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Well, I messaged him and I said we got this job because of off menu so I'd want to celebrate and I want to take you guys to pizza.

[James Acaster]

Oh yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

And Ed immediately said, no fucking way. And he said he doesn't want it. He doesn't want to go to pizza. So now three years later, I'm asking you, what's the problem with pizza?

[Ed Gamble]

I think maybe I was taken back that your immediate go to for a celebration and a thank you for getting you. I'd imagine a very highly paid advertising job was to take me to the cheapest restaurant in Britain.

[James Acaster]

It would have been nice to receive the invite. I know it seems like he's the boss, not his work for the podcast.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

But this was before I had your number.

[James Acaster]

Oh, okay. And you didn't know anyone you could ask via.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

But since I've had your number. Look at all the fun we've had. You accidentally set my picture as your profile picture. Remember that?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I did. I was trying. Kyle texted me, said, how's it going? I was like, who is this? They sent a photo of him like on the beach with a Cocktail. So I was like, right, I'm gonna save that as Kyle's contact picture. And accidentally saved it as my contact picture.

[Ed Gamble]

You old fucking man.

[James Acaster]

So old. And I had to tell Kyle, oh, no.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

How am I gonna miss.

[James Acaster]

I've done this by mistakes. People are texting me about it. I think I'll just text it back going, keep as is question mark. I think I've got to. So I did for quite a while. There was a few like that.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I liked it. I don't know why I changed it back. Oh, sorry. There's a few other. I'll get through this pretty quickly.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

So.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, sorry. I know. I would love to write that wrong and go to Peter with you in the future.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Great.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

James, you come in.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I'd love it.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, fantastic. And we've got witnesses, so it has to happen. Yeah, We've spoken about the longest episode thing. Krispy Kreme chat. We'll avoid that. January. What does Jan3 mean?

[Ed Gamble]

Jan3?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You're asking me what something that you've written down means?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Big time.

[Ed Gamble]

January 3rd, I'd imagine it's gotta be January 1st. It's gotta be January 3rd.

[James Acaster]

Not just a third woman you've met called Jan.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Ed and I and two other people. That's not how you say.

[James Acaster]

Okay, here we go. Can't wait to hear about something else I wasn't invited to.

[Ed Gamble]

I've just remembered what it was and you are about to hear about that. Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

No, you were invited, I think. Unavailable again. I'll get to that. The dinner that we went for.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. On January 3rd.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

On January 3rd.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Meet you, Phil Wang, Alex Horn.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Sounds fun. Sounds like a fun night out. We.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

We had a great time. We said we should do this more often.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

That was January 3, 2025. That was the last time we did that.

[Ed Gamble]

You're very much the only one trying to keep that WhatsApp group going.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I'm really trying.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah. Quite hard.

[Ed Gamble]

You're not getting anything out of Horn now and again I reply, yeah, and Wang's dead to the world on that group.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

So how do we. James, how do we revive that?

[James Acaster]

Oh, it's up to me to get that gang going again?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I think so.

[James Acaster]

The guy didn't even make the draft the first time. You want me to get Ed Wang and Horn, who doesn't reply to anything unless it's a response to me saying that I will do something for him as a favor. I can't help you here, brother.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

We should definitely do that again, though. That was nice.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Well, that's what I've been saying in the group.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. What I would say is the thing you like to eat very late.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

True.

[Ed Gamble]

Because we got a booking for 9pm for a table on January 3rd and everyone else was like, fucking hell, 9pm that's the only table we could get. And you genuinely said, that's a bit early for me.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I just like to chase the night, boys.

[James Acaster]

Well, I'm sorry that everyone on the Jan3 group is ghosting you. Maybe add Charlotte Richie to the group should talk to him for you. Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Okay. Quickly. Look, we haven't got much time. Last thing on this,

[James Acaster]

20 minutes in. Haven't revealed who the guest is yet whose menu you're gonna have. 20 minutes in.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

When?

[James Acaster]

A third of the way through. Normally this is.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

When are either of you gonna do my improv show?

[James Acaster]

You've asked me to do that show four or five times now. The answer's been no. Every time. When are you gonna take the hit? Absolutely don't want to do that.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Come on, James. It's good.

[James Acaster]

Well, look, I. I will do it if you do it as Miles White all night. If you ain't character as Miles White for the whole evening, I will do your improv show.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

That could not work.

[James Acaster]

Well, bad luck.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

No, go on. What about next Saturday?

[James Acaster]

Next Saturday?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Hang on.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I'll check my diary.

[Ed Gamble]

Hang on, Kyle, I'm doing it next Saturday. Don't fucking try and oust me right now.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Genuinely. Is tickets still available? No, it sold out. Well, that's. Look, that's the end of my stuff. That was my list. Now what's this podcast about?

[Dani Pellegrino]

This ad is sponsored by zocdoc. Hi, it's Dani Pellegrino from Everything Iconic. Have you been putting off that annual doctor's appointment because you don't want to make the call? Or maybe you've been meaning to find a new dentist but you have no idea where to start. I find that's especially true when you move, it's hard to find your people. I've been there. Which is why I use ZocDoc now. As a busy podcaster, parent, and someone who's always juggling a million things, I love anything that makes life easier. And ZOCDOC lets you search and compare local in network Doctors with over 250,000 providers across more than 200 specialties. You can read reviews from real patients, find a provider who feels like the right fit, see actual appointment openings, and book instantly. I recently had a last minute health issue pop up and needed to see someone fast. And instead of calling around or sitting on hold, I found a doctor on zocdoc and booked an appointment in just a few minutes. It made the whole process so much less stressful. Now taking care of your health just got easier. Download the ZocDoc app today. That's ZocDoc Z O C Doc and book that appointment on your to do list.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

We all belong outside. We are drawn to nature. It calls to us. Whether it's the recorded sounds of the ocean we doze off to or the succulents that adorn our homes. Nature makes all of our lives richer, calmer, and frankly, better. Despite all this, we often go about our busy lives removed from it, but the outdoors is closer than we realize. With Alltrails, you can discover trails nearby or trails worth traveling to and explore confidently with offline maps and on trail navigation. Whether you're looking for a laid back walk with family or something more adventurous to get your heart pumping, Alltrails gives you the tools you need to get out there and find your outside. Download the free app today and make the most of your summer with Alltrails. Grainger knows when you're a procurement manager for an office park, you're not managing one building, you're managing all of them. And to stay ahead, you need to see through walls and around corners. Lights about to fail, Filters ready to clog H Vac on its last leg. If you wait until something breaks, you're already behind. Count on Granger for quality products, easy reordering and 24. 7 support. Call 1-800-GRAINGER, click grainger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done. Hi, it's Kat and Nat and this episode is sponsored by Michaels. Your destination for all things birthday parties. With seven kids between us, we're always planning a celebration. Summer is no exception. With Prices Starting at just 99 cents, Michael's Party Shop has over 4,500 party supplies across more than 60 themes for every age and every celebration. Whether your kids are into bluey rodeos, soccer rainbows or something totally different, you'll find everything you need in one place. Plus you can get a free helium inflation on select balloon styles. Shop online, pick up in store or get same day delivery. Visit Michaels in store or shop online.

[James Acaster]

Now he's dribbling the ball with everything on the line. He's driving down the pitch. He's facing price hikes and cuts past him. Carrier contracts tries to block him. Oh, he leaves him in the dust. He's at the edge of the box. He cuts past the the non stop group chat trash talk. He clears on goal. He shoots no unlimited data for $25 a month. Forever. Visit your local Boost Mobile store today to get unlimited data with a price that never changes. Boost mobile after 30gb, customers may experience lower speeds. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost $25 Unlimited plan. We're going to give you the menu of another guest of past guest. Is there anyone in particular that you're hoping for who's a menu you think you might enjoy?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Bridget Christie.

[James Acaster]

Oh, that would be nice, wouldn't it? Yeah, well, it's Bob Mortimer.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Nice picture. Lovely picture.

[Ed Gamble]

We never know what photo Benito has chosen, but it's another absolute pearler. That is fantastic.

[James Acaster]

What a cute little cat.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And the kitten on his shoulder. Yeah. Bob Mortimer. How do you feel about that? You excited about Bob Mortimer's menu?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, I really like him. I've never met him. I think he's hilarious. I don't know what he eats.

[Ed Gamble]

We should invite him to the next January meet up.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Oh, shit. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Well, it depends. Let's see how this goes.

[James Acaster]

Now for your water course, when you came on in 2022, but didn't get released for 2023, you had still water. Bob Mortimer has chose for his dream watercourse.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Don't.

[James Acaster]

Also still.

[Dani Pellegrino]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

So that's gotta feel good. We're off to a good start where you and Bob are both having still water together.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

We've got something in common.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, you could have a. Well, what would you chat to Bob about over the watercourse?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Don't you hate sparkling?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's what all the still guys chat about, isn't it? They really slag off sparkling.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I. I think there's fucking shite. Any good?

[Ed Gamble]

Another accent? You've got another character on your hands here. Who would be your. Who would be your character from the northeast of England? We can try and get a new character for you now, Alan. Is his surname Shearer by any chance?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, I see what's happened in my subconscious.

[James Acaster]

You chose Hard O bread.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Remember that?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah. And I bet he's done exactly the same.

[James Acaster]

Bob Mortimer's dream bread is lukewarm crusts with olive oil and butter.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Lukewarm crusts?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah. Just exactly what it sounds like.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Crusts of what?

[James Acaster]

Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and say bread.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, but what like what? White bread? Toast?

[James Acaster]

Well, I mean, I guess because he's not specified, we could do lukewarm hardo bread crusts?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yes, please.

[James Acaster]

With what?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Butter and.

[James Acaster]

With olive oil and butter.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah. Good choices, man.

[James Acaster]

You like this already?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, I'm into this.

[James Acaster]

You just get the crust there.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Lukewarm.

[James Acaster]

I'm guessing what. What Bob would have liked is like just like normal sliced bread from the shop. Like white bread, like that kind of standard. And then just the crusts.

[Ed Gamble]

Because I don't think.

[James Acaster]

I don't think he's going or anything.

[Ed Gamble]

He wants the crust. He only wants the crusty bits to dip and lukewarm to dip in.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

What does lukewarm mean?

[Ed Gamble]

Good question. Okay.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Because I'm getting to this. Like, room temp.

[James Acaster]

No, what's. That's room temp.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Right.

[Ed Gamble]

But what.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

How. How far is lukewarm off room temp?

[James Acaster]

I think warm is definitely warmer. Yeah, but not. It's not warm.

[Ed Gamble]

It's not. It's not hot.

[James Acaster]

It's not hot.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I think lukewarm is subjective.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

I don't think it is. I think

[Ed Gamble]

lukewarm. It's like any temperature descriptor is subjective. Right. Because some people will have a very hot cup of tea and they'll be like, that's perfect. And someone else will say, that's. That's hot. That's too hot.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Science.

[Ed Gamble]

It is the opposite of science is what I'm saying. It's purely science. Religion. How warm you think things are? Our religion. Lukewarm would also be a great new character for you.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Lukewarm.

[James Acaster]

Where's Luke Warm.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

What does he sound like? Lukewarm. That sounds like a superhero. Yeah, but like not shit one.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Not.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Not.

[James Acaster]

Not the A Team is. It's not like your first choice.

[Ed Gamble]

He's not like the fight like any of the fire superheroes blast fire at their hands. He just sort of gently, gently warms people.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah. He's not. He's not getting that call up from Dr. X. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

He just makes Dr. Doom feel quite cozy.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Wait, what's that guy's name? Professor X. Yeah. Who's Dr. X?

[James Acaster]

Dr. X is just a GP, I think.

[Ed Gamble]

Is Dr. X the baddie from the Action Men figures? Thank you.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Oh, wow.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, remember on the. On the adverts where they. He would he, like, shoot an axe out of his chest or something?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I do remember that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

And it was in the Argos catalog.

[Ed Gamble]

It was in the Argos catalog, yeah. Do you miss the Argos catalog real bad? Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Good.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah. Flicking through them pages like that. Are the listeners getting this?

[Ed Gamble]

I think, straight to the bras. That's what I did.

[James Acaster]

Learning a lot more fingers. So you would go to. With two fingers, you go through the Argos catalog and flip through it like

[Kyle Smith Byno]

that, running through it.

[James Acaster]

And Ed went straight to the bras.

[Ed Gamble]

Straight to the bras. I'll just go in the back index. Yeah, page 172, bras. And they keep coming over and go. Can we help you, sir?

[James Acaster]

Now, a lot of people in this room will remember, so shout out before we reveal it. Do you if you remember Bob Mortimer's starter, shout it out now. Yeah, you're correct. It is the Odeon Cinnaba hot dog

[Ed Gamble]

with ketchup and mustard.

[James Acaster]

I'd say not only is the a fan favorite menu, but this course in particular is a fan favorite. Yeah, people really liked Bob choosing the Odin cinema hot dog. Now you look annoyed.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I don't mind that actually. I mean, not as a main, surely.

[James Acaster]

This is a starter. I know it feels like we're at the mains. K. But you have to remember you had a bunch of minutes at the beginning that you had to go for, but get your own. Own schedule.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I quite like that.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you like. Do you like a cinema hot dog if you're at the cinema?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, but they're getting out of hand.

[Ed Gamble]

How so?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

They've gone mad. There's too much stuff on them.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Jalapenos, bacon, cheesy bits.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. The cheese, the horrible cheese sauce.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, yeah, all of that.

[Ed Gamble]

Crispy onions.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I do like that.

[James Acaster]

There's always something, isn't it?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Jalapenos, all of that stuff. I say jalapenos already. Cheers the. The og. Like sausage in a bun.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Listen, I lost catalog again.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Squiggle it on the sausage, not the bread. And I'm saying that because my friend Charlotte, she.

[Ed Gamble]

Charlotte Richie.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Not that one.

[James Acaster]

Okay, well, you got to say not Charlotte Richie, I'm afraid because everyone thinks that you hang out with Charlotte Richie all the time.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Sure.

[James Acaster]

Cuz you own a house. That is

[Kyle Smith Byno]

she Charlotte, my friend. Not Charlotte Richie.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

She made. She brought her kids round because I got a paddling pool in the garden the other day. Not the other day when it was hot. And she made.

[James Acaster]

You don't. You don't. But you don't have kids.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I don't have kids, but I was like, I have kids but she doesn't have a garden.

[Ed Gamble]

Perfect.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

So.

[James Acaster]

So you had a padding pool. Anyway.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, I was like, well, it's. It is hot. It's 34. And when it's 34 in London, do something about it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Dani Pellegrino]

Yeah,

[Kyle Smith Byno]

so I.

[James Acaster]

But you already owned a pad.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

No, I went to Argos. Hours that took to fill up. And in the meantime she made some hot dogs for the kids and me. And when she put the ketchup on it, she did it all over. Oh, like on the bread as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, so she put the. She put the frankfurter in first. She didn't put it on the bread and then put the sausage in.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Imagine that. That's fucked up, man. How did you even think of that?

[James Acaster]

It's this crazy comedy mind. He's a creative. I don't.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't know where I get my ideas from but you mean she put the frankfurter in and then her swoops were so wide that she was touching the outside of it.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Sounds like it was an accident.

[Ed Gamble]

Right?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

She was doing it delib.

[Ed Gamble]

Right. How far onto the bread?

[James Acaster]

That abbreviated before we're sitting with the

[Ed Gamble]

inventor of Platty Jeeps.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

You can abbreviate anything.

[James Acaster]

The og Platty Jeebs is here. He's going to say to Liberty

[Kyle Smith Byno]

she. I was just thinking about going into that. But we've done it.

[James Acaster]

You did it in 2022.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

All over the.

[James Acaster]

All over the bread.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

And sausage.

[Ed Gamble]

And sausage. But you want it on the sausage. Yeah, of course. You just don't want it on the bread.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

You don't want.

[Ed Gamble]

What's the issue with it being on the bread for you?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Like, are you okay?

[James Acaster]

I thought you'd lost your voice. Stop chipping in every five seconds. Oh, it's her. Sorry. Apologies.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Who's that?

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, sorry. Kyle. We should let you know there is an audience here.

[James Acaster]

There's an audience. We got to know him in the first half. Someone just got told off for no reason. They didn't do anything. Because this person keeps chipping in with stuff that literally ed asking you like why don't you want it on the bread? And they're going to messy.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

You talking to the only person in this room with a spare seat next to them.

[James Acaster]

I'm aware that you. I'm aware that you know what is. Cuz it's messy. But Kyel's up here. Cuz you'll probably give a more amusing answer than that.

[Ed Gamble]

Kyle, why don't you like the ketchup on the bread?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Messy.

[James Acaster]

Brilliant. The bard.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

No, but it is. Where do you. Where. Where do you hold it then? If the ketchup's on the bread, where you going to hold it?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, it's not all the way. She not. She's not wrapping it all the way around the Bread. Like turning the hot dog over, making sure we got some on the bottom there. Lovely. Like a twister ice cream. You've got a. Oh, I would.

[James Acaster]

Now you made quite nice, wouldn't you?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. Pinching. You pinch the bottom, I guess. Pinch the bottom and then in.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah. What was it with ketchup and mustard?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, and mustard.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. But here's the thing with Bob's.

[Ed Gamble]

There's a caveat. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So he, he goes with his son to the cinema. He's a grown up. And they get these and they get the ketchup and mustard put on the hot dog side by side. And then Bob for his son.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Why have you said side by side?

[James Acaster]

Well, the ketchup and the mustard is put on side by side. Two lines.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Or two swirls. But like side by side. Just like not touching.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Well which one is it, James?

[James Acaster]

Two lines.

[Ed Gamble]

I think it's two lines. You think that's disgusting thing.

[James Acaster]

Two lines. And then Bob gets his finger line too. Bob gets his finger. Don't worry because they will be touching. Bob gets his finger and on his son's hot dog he goes like this and make and, and mixes them back and forth in a wavy line. And then he lifts up his finger that's covered in mustard and ketchup. He says it's good to be alive, son. And then he licks the, licks it off his finger.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a sweet thing for a dad to do.

[James Acaster]

He makes it for his like that every time. It's part of their tradition when they go to the cinema.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I'd stop going. Unenjoyable experience.

[Ed Gamble]

I, I, I can't really eat a hot dog in the cinema cuz especially with all that stuff on it. Cuz you look down when the lights come up at the end and covered in jalapenos and crispy onions.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, too much stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you think there's a film that's inappropriate to eat a hot dog during? If you saw

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Baby 2 Pig in the Sea. Yeah, probably loads.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Not one's coming to mind.

[Ed Gamble]

Kyle's improv show is next Saturday at the Wilson Style.

[James Acaster]

So Hell theater main course you had a confit duck leg potatoes, honey roasted carrots and parsnips.

[Dani Pellegrino]

Lovely.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Gorgeous.

[James Acaster]

But you're not getting that today we get in the dream main course of Bob Mortimer which is chicken vindaloo with three popping ons and chips from the

[Ed Gamble]

new Dar Darwinian Dwin Duum Duum.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I don't like Indian food.

[James Acaster]

Here we go.

[Ed Gamble]

Kyel a chance to sa this Is

[James Acaster]

why you booked the Royal Albert Hall.

[Ed Gamble]

A chance to save yourself. A chance to save yourself. Was that you speaking or was it Miles White?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I don't like Indian food. I don't. Sorry, I can't get on board with it. I. I don't like the spices. I don't like Indian. I don't like Mexican.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, let's clip that up. Clip that up.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

There's not one Indian or Mexican in here.

[James Acaster]

Just getting rid of the term food now we can just go and j in.

[Ed Gamble]

All we need is a clip of you saying, I don't like Indian. I don't like Mexican.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

There's not one of them in here. I just don't. I don't know what it is. It's not the spice level.

[Ed Gamble]

Why have you sat forward?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Because I want to. I want to make this clear before I can relax. It's not the spice level. It's the taste. I just don't enjoy it. I don't know what it is. I don't know what herbs they got up in that, but I just. I don't like it. Pardon me.

[Ed Gamble]

Is it coriander? Is it coriander?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Kayal? It could. It could be the coriander, maybe. Thank you for your. Thank you. Thank you. It could be. Is that the only thing that joins the two?

[James Acaster]

No.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

What do you say?

[Ed Gamble]

Cumin.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Cumin. Not been called that before. Maybe I don't know what it is, but I don't enjoy it. I do like spice. I like African spice. I like Caribbean spice. I like Chinese spice. Give me another one.

[James Acaster]

I don't know what was. That was posh and baby,

[Ed Gamble]

Come on.

[James Acaster]

I like. I like that.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I don't know if it's against me, but I like it.

[Ed Gamble]

No, it's not against you.

[James Acaster]

Not against you. Nothing's against you here. We're on your side. Apart from the racism,

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I'm allowed

[James Acaster]

the.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah. I don't know what it is, but Indian and Mexican is a big no for me.

[Ed Gamble]

So that's off the table for Jan3 when we organize another meal for Jan3. No Indian, no Mexican.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I don't want to go. Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Just two huge cuisines.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So you're not going to enjoy eating a massive vindaloo? Chicken vindaloo.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Not at all. In any way.

[James Acaster]

What about the popcorns and the chips?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I don't think I've ever had a vindaloo. What is a vindaloo?

[James Acaster]

It's a pretty spicy curry.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I don't know exactly what the ingredients are to it, but it's the one that people will always try and flex and be like, I'm tough. I'm gonna get a vindaloo.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

There's a song about in it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Do you want to sing it? No,

[Kyle Smith Byno]

but what is the point of this? What is the song about? It's just promoting it.

[James Acaster]

It's like a football.

[Ed Gamble]

It was. It was. It was a song commissioned by Big Vindaloo. It was a football song. It was Keith Allen, wasn't it?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Was it? I thought it was Dennis Pennis. The guy did Dennis.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

You're saying Dennis Pennis?

[James Acaster]

Remember Dennis Pennis? You don't remember Dennis Pennis?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Are you saying Dennis Pennis?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, pretty sure. I'm saying that.

[Ed Gamble]

This is honestly like watching a Christmas dinner. James is the grandchild and you're the granddad. The whiskeys come out at 11am you say Dennis Pennis.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Pennis, yeah.

[James Acaster]

That was his character.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Dennis Pennis.

[James Acaster]

Oh, Paul K. Paul K's character. Dennis Pennis. But I think Paul Kay was in the video for it.

[Ed Gamble]

Maybe.

[James Acaster]

There were a lot of doing, like, a parody of the Verve Bittersweet Symphony walking down the street and stuff, and then more and more people were joining. And I swear it started with Dennis Pennis, but not as Dennis Pennis, as the real guy.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

What real guy?

[James Acaster]

Paul K. Paul K. The actor. He also played the therapist in. In the first series of Ricky Gervais's Afterlife, if that helps you. If that's more to your taste.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Redacted.

[Ed Gamble]

No. It was Fat Les who was played by Keith Allen.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yes. Was the person Les, not Dennis Pennis.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Right.

[James Acaster]

Times have really changed.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

So. Okay. But the song was just. Just being like, this is a. What's the point of the song?

[Ed Gamble]

It was a football song. It was a release for the.

[James Acaster]

It.

[Ed Gamble]

Was it World cup or Euros? World Cup.

[James Acaster]

World Cup.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

And. And how are those two things related?

[Ed Gamble]

Can I. Can I say I genuinely know the backstory for how they wrote the song. It's just gonna be genuinely tedious. But they wanted something that represented Britain to do or England specifically for the English team to take them into the World Cup. And they tried to write a song called Chicken Tikka Masala because everyone loves chicken tikka masala. But they worked out very quickly that that didn't scam, so they had to change it to vindaloo. Say again? Oh, yeah. So it's vindaloo. Vindaloo. And we all like vindaloo. So that doesn't really work with chicken tikka masala. Chicken tikka masala. It's Me and my dad and my mom and a bucket of vindaloo. That one.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

It depends how musical you are. You could do it, I reckon.

[Dani Pellegrino]

So.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

So, yeah, go on.

[James Acaster]

Improv show.

[Ed Gamble]

If you had to write a song where a food was the main lyric.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

To take England into the World cup, what. What food would you choose?

[James Acaster]

Great question.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Well, it would be bangers and match, wouldn't it? Oh, that's good, actually, because what else is English Toad in all?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

What's told in the hall?

[James Acaster]

What is it?

[Dani Pellegrino]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It's sausages and Yorkshire pudding and then they put gravy.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Proper English, that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you want to sing it for us now? Quickly?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

That's a bit country. I don't know. Let me workshop it.

[James Acaster]

I think if anything, that's too catchy, Kyle.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

If it was in 2018, they would have got Stormzy to do it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

And it was talking all in the

[James Acaster]

hall

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Told the mayor there's too many too many holes in the road.

[James Acaster]

There it is.

[Ed Gamble]

That's really good.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

The problem is now I don't want to stop Moths have been in too many holes in my clothes. Iron in service showed on the folds.

[Ed Gamble]

It's amazing that as a family, the Allens have released vindaloo. And then that song about the husband with the butt plugs in the bag. Isn't it? What a body of work that family have.

[James Acaster]

That song was also called Toad in the Hole.

[Ed Gamble]

Let me get him on that.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Really nice.

[James Acaster]

He's dribbling the ball with everything on the line. He's driving down the pitch. He's facing price hikes and cuts past him. Carrier contracts, tries to block him. Oh, he leaves him in the dust. He's at the edge of the box. He cuts past the non stop group chat.

[Dani Pellegrino]

Trash talk.

[James Acaster]

He clears on goal. He shoots no unlimited data for $25 a month. Forever. Visit your local Boost Mobile store today to get unlimited data with a price that never changes. Boost mobile after 30gb, customers may experience lower speeds. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost $25 unlimited plan.

[Dani Pellegrino]

This ad is sponsored by Zocdoc. Hi, it's Dani Pellegrino from Everything Iconic. Have you been putting off that annual doctor's appointment because you don't want to make the call?

[James Acaster]

Or.

[Dani Pellegrino]

Or maybe you've been meaning to find a new dentist but you have no idea where to start? I find that's especially true when you move. It's hard to find your people. I've been There. Which is why I use Zocdoc now. As a busy podcaster, parent, and someone who's always juggling a million things, I love anything that makes life easier. And ZocDoc lets you search and compare local in network Doctors with over 250,000 providers across more than 200 specialties. You can read reviews from real patients, find a provider who feels like the right fit, see actual appointment openings, and book instantly. I recently had a last minute health issue pop up and needed to see someone fast. Instead of calling around or sitting on hold, I found a doctor on zocdoc and booked an appointment in just a few minutes. It made the whole process so much less stressful. Now taking care of your health just got easier. Download the zocdoc app today. That's Zocdoc Z O C D O C. And book that appointment on your to do list.

[James Acaster]

Your dream side dish was a. Was creamed spinach.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Would it still be?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, I think so. I'd. Yeah. I haven't found a dish that's beaten that yet.

[James Acaster]

Oh, lovely.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Maybe creamed corn.

[James Acaster]

I'm sensing a theme here. You like the creamed corn?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, I do. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

What, what, what makes it such a tight race between the spinach and the corn there?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

You don't really see cream corn on a menu very often.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

So I enjoy when I see a creamed spinach cuz it's close. I've tried to do cream corn at home.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I have.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

James, I have it up.

[James Acaster]

What happened? How do you make cream corn? What's in there?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Cream?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, if you. Okay.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, well, you can pull. You can do anything really.

[Ed Gamble]

It's not said corn yet.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

The problem with the Internet is. Everyone's making up light shit. So you can, you can go on different websites, it's got different stuff. And then if you go, oh, I'm just gonna like try and be adventurous. You can put anything in there and you can still call it cream corn.

[Ed Gamble]

But you've just said you've never been able to successfully make cream corn.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

That's correct.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I'm not saying it's good what I've done.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

But yeah, you can sort of just like have a go and whatever you end up with. That screamed corn I get.

[Ed Gamble]

Have you had the new Nando side, the charred corn, which is basically creamed corn?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yes, I have.

[Ed Gamble]

Did you like it?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Nope.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay. Yeah, me neither. Man, I love that.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

You know what do you know when this country went downhill?

[Ed Gamble]

So many new characters tonight.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

When they got rid of Sweet Mash in Nando's. Four people agree with me.

[James Acaster]

Sweet Mash.

[Ed Gamble]

That's why they got rid of it.

[Dani Pellegrino]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

What, no one else was into the Sweet Mash? That's only eight people. I thought that was a banger. And I thought when they stopped that they've made a big mistake.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

But I guess it's just me and you ate.

[James Acaster]

Is Nando's as good now? No, it was.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

No, it's not. As soon as they brought in that QR code,

[Ed Gamble]

is this going to be a run and saying the pandemic was fake?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I just think it's part of the experience. In it, you go up there, they ask you what table you're at. Yeah, it's part of the experience.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I do agree with that, actually.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

And now they're like, scan the thing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You can still go up.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

What if I don't have a smartphone? I do. Obviously. Everyone does, but, like, but you could.

[Ed Gamble]

You can still go up. But they look at you like you're fucking mad. That's a character shocked Nando's work.

[James Acaster]

Nando's employee wasn't expecting them to come up.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I'll work out. I'll workshop that.

[Ed Gamble]

Workshop it? Yeah, yeah. If you come to Kyle's improv show, a lot of it is him saying, I'll workshop that.

[James Acaster]

Well, the side dish we'll be giving you today, Bob Mortimer's dream side dish is shallow fried turbans. Bob loves fishing. As you.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I know two of those words.

[Ed Gamble]

Fried is when you cook something in a really hot pan.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Right. I tried to do an egg in a pot the other day.

[James Acaster]

I can.

[Ed Gamble]

He's not being sick. I know it looks like he's being sick, but he's not.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I'd already made something in the pot and then I wanted to have an egg as well, but I didn't want to dirty another pan.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

So I thought I'd do an egg in a pot.

[Ed Gamble]

You're saying egg in a pot?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah. Fried egg.

[Ed Gamble]

Fried. Fried egg in a pot.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

In a pot. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I, I. Okay. You mean in like a saucepan? You tried to fry an egg in a saucepan?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

No, wait, what's the sauce with? What's that one? That one's a pan.

[Ed Gamble]

What do you can't hold both. Something and saying, that one's a pan.

[James Acaster]

We don't know where the hob is. It's so you doing that gives us nothing.

[Ed Gamble]

It's not going to appear. This isn't hook. You can't. What's that one?

[James Acaster]

What's that one.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a dog on a leash. I think I've decided

[Kyle Smith Byno]

right. There's a frying pan.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Which is what? Describe that for us.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

What in your mind is shallow?

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Shallow and wide.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

That's a. That's a frying pan.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

But deep and opposite. Wide. Narrow.

[Ed Gamble]

It's not narrow, though. It's narrow. Yeah, yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I.

[James Acaster]

You're trying to explain the difference between a frying pan and a saucepan to yourself. We all know this.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I used to date a girl that was a Polish girl that didn't know the difference between this and that. And let me tell you, you cannot teach it. Ain't no way. Anyway, I was trying to do an egg in a pot.

[Ed Gamble]

Where's that whiskey gone?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I. Yeah, I didn't want to use another.

[James Acaster]

It's here, Kyle. It's here.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I didn't want to use another thing that I had to wash up, so I. I put the egg in a pot and so the same pot that you would use to, like, boil an egg.

[James Acaster]

I'm all right, man. I'm okay.

[Ed Gamble]

A saucepan.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

A sauce. Sorry, I don't think that is a saucepan.

[Ed Gamble]

Did it have a. Did it have a long handle?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Did it have a long handle?

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, don't ask me what I mean by that.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Like, come on, Ed. Handle. The handle's the same size as the

[Ed Gamble]

rest of the pot. Sometimes pots just have the little. The little handles on the side, don't they? That I would call that a pot. The saucepan is something with a longer hand handle that you would then put on the hob.

[James Acaster]

That's exactly right, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So did it have. How long was the handle?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Nothing.

[Ed Gamble]

It was the sauce. What you cooked. What you cooked in it.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

What I cooked in noodles.

[Ed Gamble]

Noodles. So you boiled the noodles.

[James Acaster]

That's got to be a sauce.

[Ed Gamble]

That's a saucepan.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Fine, it's a saucepan. And then I wanted to put an egg on top of the noodles and salmon, and I put the egg in the bottom of the saucepan and tried to make a fried egg it up real bad. Don't do it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I can. I can.

[Ed Gamble]

How do you. More questions. You taking the noodles out? You drain the noodles. You've taken them out, or did you just crack the egg directly?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I thought I could fry eggs on top of noodles.

[Ed Gamble]

Sorry, mate. You're already trying to find. Fry an egg in a saucepan at this point.

[James Acaster]

If you said that's what you did. No, I'm gonna go.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

What is that?

[James Acaster]

Of character?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I was just trying to like use less stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

Sure.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Washing up is oppressive.

[Ed Gamble]

Did you add any oil or butter to the saucepan before you put the egg in?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

A little bit oil.

[Ed Gamble]

Little bit of oil.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

That's enough. Yeah, and then I did that and then I had a may with a.

[Ed Gamble]

What went wrong?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I was using a saucepan.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but it should work because it's a hot surface and you put oil in, then you put an egg in. It should.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

It should fry, it should work.

[Ed Gamble]

But my only issue with it would be getting the egg out in one piece.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Carnage.

[Ed Gamble]

Carnage. So that was the problem.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, but maybe there is a way to do it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. You're still not telling me what went wrong, Kyle.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I guess just like the whole experience.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, but what did the egg look like? Was it edible? Did you get it out in one piece?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I ate it.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, but how?

[James Acaster]

Imagine this guy trying to explain to someone the difference between this and that. Hell, can't even tell you what he did.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Has anyone tried. Has anyone successfully cooked, fried an egg in a pod pot? Really? Well, what did you do? I'm gonna come right back to you.

[James Acaster]

What?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Well, don't go quiet now screaming your head off. What were you saying?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, this is an issue as well. Maybe the pot didn't have the non stick qualities that you expect from a traditional frying pan.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Pan. Got to get back to Argos. All right, I'll try that.

[James Acaster]

So yeah, anyway, that's turbet.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you like t. Do you know turbet?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I don't know. Turbot?

[Ed Gamble]

No, fish big. It's, it's I think known as the. Maybe the king of. The king of the fish or the king of the sea. Very.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

That's king fish. King of the fish is kingfisher. We all know that.

[Ed Gamble]

Fair point.

[James Acaster]

The kingfisher is the king of the fish.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's very flat, wide fish. It's very expensive, it's highly prized. And when you cook it, you have to cook it in a big fish cage. And please don't ask me what that is.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Imagine you saying fish cage to me.

[Ed Gamble]

Fish cage is not a new sort of weird character you can do. That's like Nicholas Cage, but he's a fish.

[James Acaster]

Good though.

[Ed Gamble]

But it would be good. Okay, that was the fish part.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

He's sad cuz the cage door got closed. I'll workshop it.

[James Acaster]

So your dream drink. Kyle.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Wait, hang on. So do I want this or not? Oh, I'm. You're like.

[Ed Gamble]

You're a fish guy. You like fish.

[James Acaster]

You're having that Fish on my own. You're having it. That's what we're serving you. We've already served you a vindaloo. You've had to have that. Now you've got this turbot.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I don't think I've had a tasting menu before. No, I don't think so.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you like the idea of it?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Not really.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Cuz it's usually small bits. Is it? Yeah, no, I like big bits.

[James Acaster]

These are pretty big. You got a whole turbot here.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. This is big bits though. This is an unusual tasting menu because it is big bits.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

And how's it got. It's not got fucking lemon and that all over it, is it?

[James Acaster]

He hasn't put that. It's got fucking lemon in that all over it. He said, just said that it's shallow fried. You don't have to put lemon on it. Do you not like lemon on fish?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I don't like lemon on anything. Those who remember the podcast will tell you, James, do you know what I went to? Ed, I'll tell you. I went to a birthday recently.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

And I was next to. I was at the bars next to James Acaster.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Off menu, this guy. And I ordered tequila and apple juice. Tequila and apple juice, which I spoke about, I think quite a lot on the podcast.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

And James went, tequila and apple juice, what's that about? And I thought, do you even fucking listen?

[James Acaster]

Not really, no. Forget that anecdote in five minutes. I don't listen back to them. And I love that chat with you.

[Ed Gamble]

Also, what you must remember is James is on the podcast as part of the severance program.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Right, right, right, right. So he's clocking out.

[James Acaster]

I don't know what's going on in and out of it. I mean, right now this makes sense. But if you see me outside of here, I'm not going to know who you are. And don't, don't bring up your chef character to me. I've already forgotten his name. Miles White. Thank you for your drink. You wanted a cherry old fashioned. Cherry vanilla. Old fashioned.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Lovely. Gorgeous. That restaurant doesn't exist anymore where I got that.

[James Acaster]

Oh, really? What was it called?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

No idea. But it is now like a karaoke place or something like that.

[Ed Gamble]

Right.

[James Acaster]

Ah. What's your go to karaoke song, NSync girlfriend? I don't know that one.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Imagine I just sang the whole song. So when I was in. I was about 7 and I was in summer school, so I grew up in Newham. Nah, don't lie. I grew up in Newham. And they used to, just before the summer holidays, they would come out and give you come out, they would come around and give you a magazine and you could choose which course you wanted to do during the summer holidays. So you could do football, you could do art, you could do whatever, blah, blah, blah. I would always choose drama. I did a drama summer school thing at Gainsborough Primary School and Irrelevant. And I did this show where NSYNC Girlfriend was the first song at the start of the show. There are two raps in that song by Nelly. And they split that between two of the members of the cast, me and Peter Bakari, who recently played volleyball for Team GB in the Olympics. Irrelevant. Anyway, me and him were doing the two different raps in the song and I was doing the first one. Now I'd been practicing this for like three weeks before we did the show where our friends and family come and watch it and we're, oh, well done. This is what they've been doing for the whole of summer. And I've been practicing non stop listening to the song, getting those lyrics in my head, making sure that I'm ready for my big day. Big day comes. Song starts I sing the second verse. I sing Peter's verse.

[James Acaster]

Oh, no.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Instead of mine. That I've been practicing for three weeks straight. Halfway through Peter's verse, I realized I don't know Peter's verse. I knew the first eight lines, but that's it. And then I tried to like do some sort of mash up where I could fuse his into mine. Fucked it. And then obviously. Pardon me.

[James Acaster]

They're obviously shouting do the rap. But I presume that's where this is going.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

And then we. And then. Yeah, so then obviously Peter has to do his rap. But I've already done it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

So then he just repeats what I've done. Why am I telling this story?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I asked you if you had to go to karaoke song.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah. NYN Girlfriend. Well, play the instrumental and I'll do the rest.

[James Acaster]

You want to be careful because the people working on this show are very good and they will be able to do that.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, it might be at the end

[Ed Gamble]

of the show, but they will get it ready and we will put the lyrics up on that screen.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Does anybody know that song?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Oh, okay. Well, if they play I'll do it.

[Ed Gamble]

It'll be so easy. We'll put the work, we're putting the lyrics up on the big screen. We're going to get the instrumental and then we can end the show by. By you Doing karaoke at the Royal Albert Hall.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, why not?

[Ed Gamble]

Might as well.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Bit of fun in it.

[Ed Gamble]

Bit of fun.

[James Acaster]

Anyway, we're about to give you the dream drink of Bob Mortimer Citrus IPA. Minus 20 degrees Celsius. It's gonna be at minus 20.

[Ed Gamble]

It's gonna be at minus twenty. Right.

[James Acaster]

A Citrus IPA.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I don't even like cold water. I like my water room temp, not lukewarm. And citrus is a big no for me, of course. As mentioned, as previously mentioned, I don't like lemon, I don't like lime. I had a research call yesterday because I'm going on sati kitsch next week.

[James Acaster]

Be careful.

[Ed Gamble]

Be careful, man. You do one. One tiny little thing wrong on that show and everyone complains.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. You got to be careful, man. They'll be on you.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Tell me more about this, huh?

[James Acaster]

I punched a polar bear and the viewers kicked off.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I went viral.

[James Acaster]

It did go viral. A lot of people wrote about it like it was a big deal.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

To be honest, the way that you punched that polar bear made me think that you've got at least a blue belt.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I punched it. I punched it better than I thought I was capable of punching it.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah. Yeah, that was a problem.

[James Acaster]

Proper bunch left hook, a proper light.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it's the proper spun round. It was amazing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And then he went over to the Christmas tree where it was clearly very expensive, fragile decorations. And you watch a man try and stay within the character of anger, but also not want to things up for people and go, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Just shook it because I knew they'd get upset.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

It shows he's still human. He's still down to earth, still human.

[James Acaster]

I know what I'm doing. I'm in control of it. Which is not what the tabloid said.

[Ed Gamble]

232 complaints on the BBC.

[Dani Pellegrino]

Really?

[Ed Gamble]

232.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Does that mean that someone has written in?

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think they physically have to write in the letter, so I think they can do it online or call,

[Kyle Smith Byno]

isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Some might have phoned in, emailed. Some of them will be old enough that they had written letters because that's their life.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But, yeah, either way, imagine doing it.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I don't think anything could offend me enough that I would write about it. I. Pardon me.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah. Try and beat James's record and get more complaints on Saturday Kitchen.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

How do you think. How do you think you could do it?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I've sort of got. The thing is, I don't have the same fan base as you, James, and

[James Acaster]

I've Got my fan base who are complaining.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I don't think I will do that, but thank you. But why am I talking about that? Sally Kitsch. I'm on.

[Ed Gamble]

You're on Sally Kitsch?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, the Citrus ipa.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Oh, I had a call yesterday and they were asking me what my don'ts are.

[Ed Gamble]

Food Hell.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Food Hell?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Sorry, they don't call it do's.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

It was literally yesterday.

[James Acaster]

And, yeah, I'm definitely watching this. On Saturday,

[Kyle Smith Byno]

they asked me my food Hell and I explained lemon and lime, and I got that same response I get when I say it to a bartender. She was like, lemon and lime. Really? Yes, really. Even in a drink? Yes, even in the drink. You don't like it? That's what I just said. But I like lemon lime. So Citrus ipa.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Is hell to me. Also, I don't like beers or lagers.

[Ed Gamble]

That might be a problem, then.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I'm a spiritsman.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Oh, we've gathered that.

[Ed Gamble]

So you don't like things that are cold, citrusy or beer. So citrus IPA at minus 20 degrees might be a bit of an issue for you.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I like some things cold. I like a cold Coke in a bottle. Yeah, like, you work for them. I work for bottles. I like. Yeah, like, I like some things cold,

[James Acaster]

but so far it's one thing you like cold. A cold Coke in a bottle, and then the other people who liked it, you murked them.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I like this. This would be nice if it was cold, wouldn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

I like this room. Temp.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Oh, sorry. Yeah, I've split the room. Yeah, I.

[Ed Gamble]

So what's going to be my. What's going to be my job on the improv show, do we think next week your job? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

You'll be chatting to the. Also, we don't announce the guests. You'll be. You'll be chatting to the audience, just getting some stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

But it's sold out.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

It is sold out.

[Ed Gamble]

But you don't want to announce the guest just in case people bring their tickets back. Is this what you're saying?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

We don't announce. Why don't we announce a guest?

[Ed Gamble]

Again, not a question for me, Kyle.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

No, because we like it to be a surprise. Yeah, yeah. We like people to come out and be like, it's him. Which I've. I've heard some audible gasps. Matt Bainton, for example. Lily Allen, when she was against that,

[James Acaster]

of course, Fat Les's daughter.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Fat Les's daughter.

[James Acaster]

David Harbour in the audience. I bet he gasped. Not for the first time that day.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I mean, what was the Question.

[James Acaster]

We just talked about IPA and we got onto that somehow, right?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah. I'm a spiritsman. Lagers, beers, that sort of stuff's not for me. I'm not even a wineman. Phil Wang's a wineman.

[Ed Gamble]

Phil Wang's a wineman. I'm a wineman with Phil Wang.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

He brought. When we had that dinner, Shan 3 he. He ordered a fancy see wine and he was like, oh, if you don't. Even if you don't like wine, you'll enjoy this. And I tasted it and I was like, that's drink.

[Ed Gamble]

That's how you see all wine is just drink.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

That's just drink.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it tastes like drink.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

We arrive at the dessert. Now, you had a M and S Black Forest gateau on your birthday for. For the dessert. Had to be your birthday now.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

And you boys generally got one in my dress room tonight.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, we sent one into your dress

[Ed Gamble]

and it was only your birthday, what, eight or nine days ago?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

So I think eight, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You think?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I think so. I don't know what day is today.

[James Acaster]

Don't tell everyone who you share a birthday with. Cuz you were telling us pretty s the birthday. 5th of March.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Anyone? 5th of March. What did you do for your birthday?

[James Acaster]

Had chicken K. Had chicken K. Nice.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Made them or bought them?

[James Acaster]

Bought, yes.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Where from?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

You've got to get them from Ms. Lovely. Happy birthday, mate. If you were closer, I'd give you some of this trig.

[Ed Gamble]

Just if you're wondering how rock and roll it is backstage at the Off Menu live shows, what we spent about 45 minutes doing was going on Wikipedia and finding out which famous people share our birthdays.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I remember that

[Ed Gamble]

you said, well, mine, mine, mine, mine. My top three are Drew Barrymore, John Ham and Osama bin Laden.

[James Acaster]

No one could beat that.

[Ed Gamble]

They're all go getters.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, that's unbeatable.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, we could beat that.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I can't believe Osama B is. He's so Pisces. Typical pisces.

[James Acaster]

Who shares your birthday?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Ka Mendes.

[James Acaster]

Very cool.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

The end. That's it. Just me and her.

[James Acaster]

Well, listen, do you want it to be your birthday for this dessert as well? Because it's specified.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

If it's got any lemon and lime

[James Acaster]

in it, then no, there's no lemon and lime.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Really?

[James Acaster]

No. The dream dessert we're going to be giving you, Bob Mortimer's is syrup sponge pudding with custard. I think it's like what I used to have at school.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Oh, the one that's sort of brown.

[James Acaster]

I mean, quite a Lot of puddings are brown.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Name three.

[James Acaster]

Oh, hold on, you got me now. A chocolate swiss roll, a sticky toffee pudding, and n. You're right, there's nothing else.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, I don't mind that. It's not my go to. I don't love, like caramel toffee, syrupy fudge, those sides. Yeah. What I really like. Oh, my gosh. So I went to Malaga for my birthday last week.

[Ed Gamble]

Last week? Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Lovely.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Whilst this guy was doing Kievs, I was in Malaga having. Ah, I forgot what it's called.

[James Acaster]

So when you came up with the character of Miles White, who's quite forgetful, what was that? Is there anything you based that on? Are you inspired by? Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Where do you get your crazy ideas from, Kyle?

[Dani Pellegrino]

I don't.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I really don't know. It just sort of pops out of me before. Just talk amongst yourselves for a sec whilst I find this.

[James Acaster]

Ed and I were about to walk out here at the top of this half and Kyle was putting that little red neckerchief on, but with like just his normal clothes on. And I said to him, I hope you enjoy us making fun of that red neckerchief. And then ran out here. You must have been thinking in your head, you have no idea what I'm gonna be wearing.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Almendrado. My girlfriend's in the audience, I hope. Make some noise. I don't have two girlfriends.

[James Acaster]

This is awkward. Oh, no.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Good thing I'm wearing this. Negative. Have I said that correctly, girlfriend?

[James Acaster]

Is that. Is he said that correctly? You say it, girlfriend.

[Ed Gamble]

I thought I was your fiance.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Almendrado, anyone?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, whatever you said, your voice broke halfway through it. That was.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I will read out to you. Almond crunch, vanilla ice cream wrapped in sponge cake coated in amaretto. Toasted almonds with hot chocolate sauce.

[James Acaster]

Yes, please. That sounds great.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Now, €10. I had that. I had that on my birthday, upon my birthday last week. And I genuinely think it might be the best dessert I've ever had.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

It tops the black forest ghetto on my birthday. Wow. Because this was also on my birthday.

[James Acaster]

But you would like to change your dream dessert.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Exceptional.

[Ed Gamble]

So it's like chocolate wrapped?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

No, the. The chocolate was a sauce, but it was wrapped in like a pastry that was like almond coated.

[Dani Pellegrino]

Oh, wow.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Amaretto coated, Amoretto style.

[Ed Gamble]

I love the sound of that.

[James Acaster]

It's really good. We never had it shouted out on the podcast before.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

This is the first.

[James Acaster]

It's quite exciting.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, it was really almontrado. Am I still getting that right?

[James Acaster]

No, it's it's pronounced.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Oh, no.

[James Acaster]

Well, you're not having that anyway. You're having civet sponge pudding with custard.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Well, yeah, fine. I mean, I'm not crazy about that, but it's not in my food.

[Ed Gamble]

Hell, yes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Okay, good, you've learned that term. Now just a time.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Go on sat your kitchen. Start calling it Don't.

[Ed Gamble]

What's in your. What's in your food heaven for Saturday kitchen. Can you give us a little preview of what.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, of course. What I really enjoy is sort of like honey barbecue meat. So ribs, brisket, short rib, that sort of stuff. I'd like that. Lobster Mac and cheese, perhaps.

[James Acaster]

I don't think this is in the Saturday kitchen budget.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, not after they had to refurbish after you it up.

[James Acaster]

Merry Christmas.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

That's the sort of stuff that is in my heavens.

[James Acaster]

So as we get to the end of the menu, what do you think of the meal that we've given you today? Bob Mortimer's. And what does it make you think of, Bob?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I really enjoyed the hot dog element.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

And I'm happy that that was bearing

[James Acaster]

in mind that he's putting his finger. And that's non negotiable.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

His fingers. Non negotiable.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Is that happening in front of me or that's happening in the kitchen?

[James Acaster]

What would you rather?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Well, obviously I don't want to see

[Ed Gamble]

him do that, but you're gonna know he's done it, so you may as well see him do it. Right.

[James Acaster]

And he just have to look at you and say, it's good to be alive, son, and lick his finger.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

So to be fair, I do want to meet him. So.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. That's the only way you can meet him is if you watch him fingers my hot dog. Finger your hot dog. Yeah, it's good. Pros and cons.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah, yeah, I'll take that.

[James Acaster]

Great.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

So I'm happy with the starter.

[James Acaster]

Happy with that. The vindaloo.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

You not the vindaloo. I'm not really on board with.

[Ed Gamble]

Because you don't like Indians.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Because

[James Acaster]

food.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Because I don't like Liliana's dad.

[James Acaster]

A shallow fried turbet on the side. You weren't too keen on that either.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, we didn't really talk about the fish. Sort of got stuck on the cooking utensils.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

It was more about the egg.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah,

[Kyle Smith Byno]

no, I'll try that.

[James Acaster]

You'll try it?

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Look, I'm not against trying stuff as long as the stuff doesn't have things in that I don't like,

[James Acaster]

like the citrus IPA, for example, which you don't want. Minus 20 degrees.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

Exactly that. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So overall I'd say you probably won't enjoy this meal.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

I think it's half and half.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Kyle Smith Byno]

50. 50.

[James Acaster]

Thank you for clearing that up.

[Ed Gamble]

Give it up for Kyle Smith by now, everybody. Thank you so much for coming to us.

[James Acaster]

Menu live.

[Ed Gamble]

You've been absolutely amazing. Thank you so much for coming to the show.

[James Acaster]

Thank you for coming. Thank you so much for coming along. Goodbye. Good night.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, there we are, James. Another Royal Albert hall ticked off.

[James Acaster]

There we go. Kyle Smith Byner there. Kyle is on tour with his own show called Story Bro, which is like an improv show. He's got a whole troop of people

[Ed Gamble]

and has a guest. Has a guest monologist.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Or guest question. Oscar. I've done that.

[James Acaster]

You've done that. I've turned it down repeatedly. And we'll continue to use. Because it's funny now.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. And let me tell you, it is funny when you do it as well.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Because Kyle wants it to be cool improv.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So if you really lay it on thick and try and get the. Try and get them all to put their hands in the middle and say, three, two, one, let's improv. They don't like that car.

[James Acaster]

Kyle hates it. Yeah, I think.

[Ed Gamble]

But the others really get on board with.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, they love it because it winds up.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's good. Well, definitely go and see that. [e-mail] it's cool with a K, by the way.

[Ed Gamble]

It's KSB. Kyle Smith Bino. Cool story bro. That's what's clever.

[James Acaster]

I thought you meant cool with a K as in cook. The word cook.

[Ed Gamble]

That's not how spelling works.

[James Acaster]

Cool with a K would be cook

[Ed Gamble]

would be a different word.

[James Acaster]

C O. Okay. Kyle was a cook. Marcus.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, thanks. Bye.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yes. Goodbye, everyone.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Hi, it's Kat and Nat and this episode is sponsored by Michaels. Your destination for all things birthday parties. With seven kids between us, we're always planning a celebration and summer is no exception. With prices Starting at just 99 cents, Michael's Party Shop has over 4,500 party supplies across more than 60 themes for every age and every celebration. Whether your kids are into bluey rodeos, soccer, rainbows or something totally different, you'll find everything you need in one place. Plus you can get a free helium inflation on select balloon styles. Shop online, pick up in store or get same day delivery. Visit Michaels in store or shop online now.

[James Acaster]

He's dribbling the ball with everything on the line. He's driving down the pitch. He's facing price hikes. It cuts past him. Carrier contracts, tries to block him. Oh, he leaves him in the dust. He's at the edge of the box. He cuts past the nonstop group chat, trash talk. He clears on goal.

[Ed Gamble]

He shoots.

[James Acaster]

No unlimited data for $25 a month forever. Visit your local Boost Mobile store today to get unlimited data with a price that that never changes. Boost mobile after 30gb, customers may experience lower speeds. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost $25 Unlimited plan.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

When you're a maintenance engineer in a beverage manufacturing plant, you keep production lines moving and quality on track because there is no room for slowdowns. With Grainger's vast selection of high quality motors, sensors, belts and hard to find parts, you can get what you need fast and all in one place so nothing gets in the way of getting the job done. Call 1-800-granger. Click granger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.