Kojey Radical

Summary

---

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster

Guest: Kojey Radical

Release Date: March 18, 2026

---

Episode Overview

In this engaging and freewheeling episode of "Off Menu," multi-talented rapper, poet, and artist Kojey Radical steps into Ed and James' fantasy restaurant to order his dream meal. The conversation dives deep into food preferences, restaurant etiquette, the evolution of hip hop, wild stories about reality TV, and more. Bursts of humor and tangents abound, with plenty of memorable moments and asides that paint a lively portrait of Kojey’s tastes, personality, and philosophy.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Welcome & Introduction to Kojey Radical

• The hosts celebrate finally having Kojey on the show after years in the making, referencing an earlier (2020) podcast appearance with James.
• Ed and James express their admiration for Kojey, highlighting his musical projects like "23 Winters" and his charisma on Taskmaster New Year's Treat.
• Kojey teases the show format (“They sent me a brief. I was like, what do I need a brief for? You think I don't know this show?” - Koji, 08:56)

2. Secret Ingredient: Tinned Potatoes Banter [05:23–08:44]

• This episode's 'secret ingredient,' which would get a guest booted from the restaurant, is tinned potatoes.
• Conversation devolves into a comedic bit about doomsday bunkers and the specifics of Ed’s "no beating off in the bunker" rules.
• Quote:
  Ed: "No beating off in the bunker. Because there's going to be a lot of friends and family there." [07:29]

3. Taskmaster & Fan Campaigns [09:47–10:26]

• Kojey recounts his campaign (and the public petition) to be on a full series of Taskmaster after the New Year's special.
• Reflects on British TV’s “ignoring” of fan petitions unless they’re debated in Parliament.
• Quote:
  Koji: "I plan to sign my petition." [10:23]

4. Kojey’s Food Preferences: Likes, Avoidances, Philosophy [11:03–14:15]

• Not a self-described "foodie," Kojey says: "I like to eat... but there's a lot I won't eat."
• Avoids exotic meats (pheasant, peacock, rabbit, ostrich – which he mistakenly ordered once), mushrooms (“mushrooms is the only one that's going to give you a problem there”), and slimy foods like okra.
• Jokes about the odds of adult toilet accidents as you age, and always packing extra underwear (“Just in case... As soon as I leave the country, I’m gonna shit myself three times.” [14:28])

5. Royal Albert Hall and Live Shows [15:25–17:38]

• Kojey shares excitement about his upcoming Royal Albert Hall performance (May 20).
• Explains collaborative efforts with his producer Swindle, emphasizing the significance of live shows and plans for a retrospective set across his discography.
• Quote:
  Koji: "I want to... put on a show that I'm like, I could retire on that one. I won’t." [16:29]

6. Hip Hop, Maturity, & Andre 3000 [17:38–18:49]

• Reflects on how hip hop is maturing, with artists now rapping about "grown man" topics (mortgages, health) rather than just flashy materialism.
• References Andre 3000’s pivot to flute music as emblematic of this evolution.
• Quote:
  Koji: "Eventually it's like no, we've got mortgages and prostate checkups and stuff." [18:24]

---

Kojey’s Ultimate Off Menu Meal

Drink Selection [19:00–22:43]

• Still Water: Emphatic preference (sparkling makes him itchy "from behind my eyebrows").
• Hates champagne ("Awful drink, awful hangover"), dislikes bubble-maker machines.
• Nostalgic drinks: KA (black grape), Panda Pops, Sunny D, Yop (“Do you remember KA? ... Black grape used to taste actually purple.” [21:24])
• Special Request: Sorrel and ginger ("I normally get it when I go to the Caribbean shop... I never even asked what sorrel is." [23:59])

---

Bread Course [24:51–26:14]

• Order: Turkish bread from Gokyuzu in Wood Green, specifically the spicy flatbread with chili flakes and oil.
• Jokes about “bread supremacy” over papadoms.
• Quote:
  Koji: “Not the plain Jane. It’s got to be the spicy one.” [26:12]

---

Starter(s) [32:03–40:13]

• Oxtail Croquette from Smokestak, Shoreditch: “Biting into the best parts of gentrification.”
• Also orders:
  • Kebab/soya (Nigerian/Ghanaian spicy beef skewer street food)
  • Plantain
• Paired Drink: Paloma (tequila, grapefruit)
• Quote:
  Koji: “An oxtail croquette that's just like, biting into the best parts of gentrification.” [33:43]
• Notable Moment: Kojey does his own “Poppadoms or Bread” shout. [24:52]

---

Main Course [43:37–54:53]

• Whole Grilled Tilapia, Ghanaian style, “stuffed with vegetables and vibes, flavors—garlic, red peppers, Scotch bonnet, basil, coriander, sweet peppers, shallots—blended into a paste and grilled in foil.”
• Wants the vibe of it being "hunted" and cooked on the beach, with a spectacle (“They make a show out of it for us.” [54:50])
• Setting: On the beach, inspired by Spanish reality TV chaos (see below).

---

Side Dish [52:54–54:08]

• Surf Roast Potatoes from Ireland, Chef Tom Brown’s spot (crispy, citrusy, fluffy, specifically paired with fish).

---

Dream Drink [61:39–62:21]

• Japanese Plum Wine & Tonic: Inspired by a trip to Japan, says this is the only situation “bubbles” are allowed.
  “That’s the one time where bubbles are allowed to be introduced.” [62:04]

---

Dessert [71:52–74:08]

• Sticky Toffee Pudding with Vanilla Ice Cream: The only dessert he really cares for, downplays more elaborate desserts as “just versions of cream.”
• Commentary on adult dessert tastes vs. “faffy” options.
• Quote:
  Koji: “All the desserts…just arguably, it's just lots of versions of cream.” [74:08]

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On sharing plates (and the horrors of odd-numbered portions):
  Koji: “Why is there three [items]? There's two of us. One of these is now a conversation…” [32:29]

• On gentrified oxtail:
  Koji: "Just…Shredded, lightly fried. Oxtail croquette…biting into the best parts of gentrification." [33:43]

• On power dynamics and ‘Top Five Karens’ YouTube rabbit holes:
  Koji: “It's a weird obsession because sometimes you just like to imagine what life is like… just being like an old white woman. That's power…” [38:01]

• Multiple enthusiastic endorsements of reality TV – especially Spanish "Temptation Island":

  • Kojey painstakingly recounts a wild, thunderstorm-drenched episode, recounting the saga of “Montoya.”
  • Quote:
    Koji: "That is the part of Spain I need to go. Because that is excitement." [52:17]

• On the maturing of hip hop and Andre 3000’s flute era:
  Koji: “He’s just like, well, I can’t rap about this stuff no more.” [18:31]

---

Reality TV, Internet Algorithms & Courtroom Fantasies

• Lengthy, hilarious foray into the world of Spanish Temptation Island, described with infectious glee and detail by Kojey. [47:28–52:43]
• Discussion of reality TV mechanics, Married at First Sight, and early Big Brother ("Nasty Nick")—reflections on how much reality TV and public reactions have changed.
• Tangents into YouTube addiction, the “Top Five Karens” genre, and what life must be like with the power to call the police at will ("That’s power I can never imagine.”).

---

Miscellaneous Tangents & Running Gags

• Bunker Rules: Ongoing joke about Ed’s bunker, no “beating off,” and nuclear apocalypse prep. [06:41–08:17]
• Farts in public spaces: Extensive, deeply British riffing on etiquette, embarrassment, and fatherhood. [29:00–31:20]
• Lawyer/Doctor surnames: Kojey: "I don’t know if I could have a doctor called Dr. Gamble." [71:20]
• James’ full bladder: Recurring, becomes an increasingly desperate motif (“The world to me right now is either cream or piss. That's all I can really think about.” [74:32])
• Rice Krispies and Age: Meditations on whether mascots make a cereal “for kids.” [78:05–79:56]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Introduction & Secret Ingredient Banter: 03:41–08:44
• Kojey talks Taskmaster & Not Eating Pheasant: 09:47–14:15
• Live Show Plans at Royal Albert Hall: 15:25–17:38
• Hip Hop, Aging & Andre 3000: 17:38–18:49
• Drinks (Still Water, Sorrel & Ginger): 19:00–23:59
• Bread Course, Turkish Bread: 24:51–26:14
• Starters (Oxtail Croquette, Kebab, Plantain): 32:03–40:13
• Main Course (Whole Grilled Tilapia): 43:37–54:53
• Side Dish (Surf Potatoes): 52:54–54:08
• Japanese Plum Wine & Tonic: 61:39–62:21
• Dessert (Sticky Toffee Pudding): 71:52–74:08
• Spanish Reality TV Epic (“Montoya”): 47:28–52:43
• “Top Five Karens”/Internet Rabbit Holes: 37:49–39:33

---

Final Dream Menu

• Drink: Still water, Sorrel & Ginger, Japanese Plum Wine & Tonic, Paloma (starter pairing)
• Bread: Spicy Turkish flatbread (Gokyuzu, Wood Green)
• Starter: Oxtail croquette (Smokestak), Soya kebab, Plantain
• Main: Whole grilled tilapia stuffed with vegetables, garlic, Scotch bonnet, herbs, & “vibes”
• Side: Surf roast potatoes (Ireland, Chef Tom Brown)
• Dessert: Sticky toffee pudding with vanilla ice cream

---

Closing Thoughts

This episode delivers classic Off Menu fare: joyful food stories, a guest with strong (and very relatable) opinions, and collaborative riffing that strays into unpredictable and joyous territory. Kojey’s vivid storytelling—especially on Spanish reality TV—and his down-to-earth yet refined food choices make for a compelling listen.

---

Listen for:

• Kojey's campaign for Taskmaster
• Hot takes on fizzy water, bread, and extravagant plating
• The epic “Montoya” tale from Spanish TV
• Food as cultural connection and personal nostalgia
• Endlessly quotable lines and pure comedic chemistry

---

“That is the part of Spain I need to go. Because that is excitement.”
— Koji Radical, [52:17]

---

Transcript

[Ed Gamble]

Hello, Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast that you're listening to right now. I bring great news. My brand new Stand up tour, Fresh Hell is on sale at the end of this month. Sign up to my mailing list for early [e-mail]. it's gonna be great.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

You walk in tired and hungry, one bad dinner away from losing it. You don't like to cook. You don't want more takeout. You just want something good. That's why there's dish by Blue Apron. Pre made meals with at least 20 grams of protein and no artificial flavors or colors. From fridge to fork in five minutes or less. Keep the flavor. Ditch the subscription. Get 20% off your first two orders with code APRON20. Terms and conditions apply. Visit blueapron.com terms for more. A Better Help ad. Hold on. Second, I just need to. What if you had a room where no one interrupts? No notifications, no expectations, just space to talk with BetterHelp Therapy happens in a space that's yours. Visit betterhelp.com randompodcast for 10% off your first month of online therapy. Hi. Who here loves when their nails are perfectly done?

[Ed Gamble]

Me.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

I'm Sarah Gibson Tuttle and I started Olive in June because let's be real, we all deserve to have gorgeous nails. But who wants to spend a fortune or half their day at the salon? And that's why I created the Mani system. So you can have that salon perfect manicure right at home. And guess what? The best part? Each mani only costs $2. Yup, you heard me. $2. No more. 30, 40, $50 salon trips that eat up your day. Now you can paint your nails whenever you want, wherever you want. And trust me, you're going to be obsessed with your Everyone is going to ask you, where did you get your nails done? And here's a little something extra. Head over to oliveandjune.com and get 20% off your first mani system with code [e-mail] perfectmanny20 that's code perfectmani20 for 20% off at oliveandjune.com Perfectmanny20. You're all set for a nail glow up. Let's get those nails looking fabulous, shall we? Okay, I have to tell you, I was just looking on ebay where I go for all kinds of things I love. And there it was.

[James Acaster]

That hologram trading card. One of the rarest.

[Ed Gamble]

The last one I needed for my set.

[Koji]

Shiny like the designer handbag of my dreams.

[James Acaster]

One of a kind.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Ebay had it and now everyone's asking,

[James Acaster]

ooh, where'd you get your windshield wipers? Ebay has all the parts that fit my car.

[Koji]

No more annoying, just beautiful.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Millions of finds, each with a story. EBay. Things people love.

[Adam Grant]

Hey, this is Adam Grant, host of ted's podcast, Rethinking with Adam Grant. Have you heard of Bill? It's the intelligent finance platform that uses AI to help you avoid costly errors and optimize cash flow. In fact, Bill reports that over 90 of the top 100 US accounting firms trust them to manage, move and maximize money proven by over a trillion dollars in secure transactions. Eliminate the friction and start scaling with the proven choice. Visit bill.compenven to talk with an expert about automating your business finances and get a $250 gift card as the thank you. That's bill.com proven terms and conditions apply. See Offer page for details.

[Ed Gamble]

Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Taking the vodka of chat, adding the vamoose of friendship, pouring over the ice of the Internet, stirring vigorously for 60 to 90 seconds and straining into the martini glass of podcasting and adding a tw a twist of gig of giggles. Vodka martini with a twist. Didn't know which way that was going, did you? Dirty or twist? Dirty for me, please, but twist for you guys. Martini. Why does he look at me so?

[James Acaster]

Besides, that is Ed Gamble. My name is James A. Caster. Together we own a dream restaurant, and every single week we invited a guest and asked for their favor. Ever start a main course, dessert, side dish and drink? Not in that order. And this week our guest is Koji Radical.

[Ed Gamble]

Koji Radical.

[James Acaster]

This is exciting, man. I love Koji Radical.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, me too.

[James Acaster]

23 Winters was his album in 2016. Yeah, he says it's an EP, I say it's an album because it's quite frankly, 45 minutes long. So I'm pretty sure that makes it an album. Yeah, it's brilliant. I got to interview Koji around that time for another podcast that I was doing at the time. I promise I'll never do it again, please. But we haven't had a Mothman you yet? Wanted to for ages. Very much looking forward to hearing.

[Ed Gamble]

He was also on Taskmaster New Year's treat.

[James Acaster]

He was brilliant on Taskmaster New Year's.

[Ed Gamble]

Wonderful.

[James Acaster]

Not all of his albums are brilliant, by the way.

[Ed Gamble]

Very talented man. Looking forward to having him on the pod to chat about his dream menu.

[James Acaster]

He's also performing at the Royal Albert hall on the 20th of May.

[Koji]

Whoa.

[James Acaster]

People should go and see that. If they can.

[Ed Gamble]

Absolutely.

[James Acaster]

It'll be fantastic. We love the Royal Albert hall, don't we?

[Ed Gamble]

We're always bloody there.

[James Acaster]

We're always bloody there. And Koji Radical is going to be fantastic there, so make sure you get along there. But listen, as much as I love Koji Radical, we will be forced to kick him out of the dream restaurant if he chooses the secret ingredient. Ingredient, which we deem to be unacceptable. And this week, the secret ingredient is. Tinned potatoes. Tinned pots. Tinned pots.

[Ed Gamble]

Tin. Tinny pots.

[James Acaster]

Tinned potatoes.

[Ed Gamble]

Tinned potatoes. Yes, those.

[James Acaster]

Weirdly, this was suggested by an audience member at the Palladium when we did.

[Ed Gamble]

Which we love as well.

[James Acaster]

Which we love the Palladium.

[Ed Gamble]

Palladium, if you're listening, don't get. Don't get jelly.

[James Acaster]

And I really liked that. And, yeah, someone shouted out, secret ingredient suggestion.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Tin potatoes. I thought, how was. How have we not done that yet?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Because they are disgusting.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah. There's some people who think they're nice,

[James Acaster]

but those people are wrong. They're too salty.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Too, like, chalky and weird and grainy.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

The water's disgusting. They're really not good.

[Ed Gamble]

Also, just get a potato, you know?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Just. Just get. Just. Why you do. Why are you getting a tin potato? Just get a potato.

[Ed Gamble]

I guess it's convenience. They last long, maybe they work out cheaper, but good idea, actually.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah. You're gonna start doing it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Well, fair enough. But if Koji says it would kick him out.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I think if I had a nuclear bunker, I'd get some tin potatoes in there.

[James Acaster]

I. I think it's in an inevitability that one day you will have a nuclear bunker.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, it's inevitability that there will be nuclear apocalypse. So everyone should be getting a nuclear bunker.

[James Acaster]

And there we have it.

[Ed Gamble]

I know he's not invited to my bunker.

[James Acaster]

I wouldn't want to be in there.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, you rather have. You'd rather have the flesh flayed from your bones.

[James Acaster]

Yes. Because I know what you'll do. You'll get a nuclear bunker.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And in the amount of time that it takes there to. Actually, it's been necessary, you're going to be going down there and doing all sorts of grubby little.

[Ed Gamble]

What's he talking about?

[James Acaster]

Just you by yourself, beating off in your little bunker.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I won't be off in the bunker. There's no beating off in the bunker. That's one of the main rules.

[James Acaster]

There's already rules. Is it for this.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. No beating off in the bunker. Because there's going to be a lot of friends and family there.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. But I think that maybe that rule is what's going to egg you on even more. You're going to be like, oh, this is great. This is so naughty. I shouldn't be beating up.

[Ed Gamble]

You think I get. I get off and breaking my own rules that I've established. Not at all.

[James Acaster]

I think you.

[Ed Gamble]

I like following my rules. No beating off in the bunker.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

See how you can't come to the bunker? Bonito. Do you want to come to the bunker? No. So that's fine. So there's a bit more room in the bunker.

[James Acaster]

But it doesn't want to come if you're like, let's beat off that well immediately turns it down. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

No way. What's that rule again? No way.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I'm not coming. I can stay in my own bunker. No rules in my own one.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't forget, this is out on YouTube tomorrow. You can watch it happen. Not live. You know what I mean? Pictures.

[James Acaster]

They are live. All the YouTube videos are live. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So we just recreate the exact.

[James Acaster]

Every time you watch it, we gotta rush it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

And do it again. Yeah, Happy to do so. We appreciate the views.

[Ed Gamble]

We always nail it. Do subscribe to the YouTube. Benito gets sad.

[James Acaster]

Yep.

[Ed Gamble]

This is the off menu menu of Cody Radical. Welcome, Koji, to the Dream Restaurant. Oh, my God.

[Koji]

So exciting.

[James Acaster]

Welcome, Koji Radical to the Dream Restaurant. But it's been here for some time.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Koji]

Yes, you have. Let's get into it. I told you about a sip of coffee. They sent me a brief.

[Ed Gamble]

A brief?

[Koji]

A brief. And I was like, what do I need a brief for? You think I don't know this show? Yeah, I know this show.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

That's good.

[Koji]

I sat at home by the phone. This outfit has been pressed for such a long time.

[Ed Gamble]

You bought this outfit specifically for the show?

[Koji]

Yeah, we were just talking about there. 2020. We did an inter.

[James Acaster]

You. Yeah, you and I.

[Koji]

You and I. I and you. And ever since that day, I thought, any minute now.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

James will call.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm so sorry.

[Koji]

When? It's turned today.

[James Acaster]

Days to weeks.

[Ed Gamble]

So we're blaming James for this, though.

[Koji]

Weeks to months. Months, yeah. Years to today.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

At least I can get a restaurant

[James Acaster]

when you know that, you know, I wanted to interview you because I had already interviewed you, so.

[Koji]

Yeah, it was him the whole time.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Come on, come on. I wanted you on the taskmaster podcast.

[Koji]

Oh, what a good time.

[Ed Gamble]

Because you did taskmaster New Year's tree.

[Koji]

Of course. Yeah. And I was really campaigning for a full season.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah. We can start the campaign here. Yeah.

[Koji]

There was. Someone started a petition. Yeah. After the episode came out, I was in Australia, so I was like, hours behind, like 10 hours behind. So I've woken up to see the reaction of the episode coming out and I saw there was a whole petition and, like, loads of people signed it, like, asking for me to do a full season, and they ignored it.

[James Acaster]

That is a shame.

[Ed Gamble]

They are tyrants on that show, though.

[Koji]

They will.

[Ed Gamble]

They will ignore. I mean, you've got to get it up to amount of signatures that it's discussed in Parliament.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

And I plan to. Yeah, I plan to sign my petition.

[James Acaster]

Please. How did you find Alex? Pretty annoying?

[Koji]

No, he was all right. The duality of Alex is amazing to me. He's like. When. When he comes into the dressing room, just having a chat with you about the show, he's just so, like. I hate to use the word normal, but he's just so normal. So much so that you forget that he's hilarious. And then you get on set and he just starts talking and you're just like, oh, oh, I'm going to go, any minute now, I'm going to start crying with laughter. I was trying to hold it together and not look like such a super fan on the stage, but everything was exciting. I was like, oh, my God, this is. Feels like real gold.

[James Acaster]

Are you much of a foodie coach?

[Koji]

I like to e. Yeah. Yeah. I like to eat. Yeah. I feel like I can't call myself a foodie because there's still a lot I won't eat.

[James Acaster]

Like what?

[Ed Gamble]

That's a good point. Should we list the. Should we list the things that you

[Koji]

think I'm not eating? Yeah, yeah, Absolutely. Not eating. Now I've taken a stand against pheasant. Not even.

[Ed Gamble]

It's about time someone's doing.

[Koji]

Not even.

[James Acaster]

How far you've come.

[Koji]

Budget peacock. Get a trick. It's.

[Ed Gamble]

So would you eat peacock, then? No, no.

[Koji]

See? And the more exotic the animal goes, the less likely I am to eat it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

The most kinky thing I've eaten in the bird world is ostrich, because I was confused. I wanted it to. I thought, could do with a chicken burger. What's up there? They had a beef burger. They had an ostrich burger. They should have told me. They're the same thing. They should have told me.

[Ed Gamble]

Right?

[Koji]

That's. It's the same thing. I was like, I Bit into it. I almost took it back and said, what are you doing? Yeah. Friend put his hand on my chest. Stop. You embarrass yourself. Yeah, so I stopped. Mushrooms. I don't like mushrooms.

[Ed Gamble]

What do you mean? Ostrich and beef are the same thing.

[Koji]

Do you mean they're basically. So ostrich is basically red meat.

[Ed Gamble]

All right. Okay. That's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

So it's like. By the time it's there between two buns, that's. That could have been. That could have been a cow.

[Ed Gamble]

It's the bird version of a cow.

[Koji]

Yeah. We could have had one more ostrich in the world still. Unless we're only. It's like only once. Like, they've lived a full life. But what's the full ostrich life?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

I didn't even know they was being hunted for food trucks.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. They were just chilling out.

[Koji]

I mean, I didn't know. I didn't know. Someone should start a petition for that. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I wouldn't chuck many more petitions out there. Because you want to focus on the top.

[Koji]

Yeah, True.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

No other petitions.

[James Acaster]

I don't think they're conflicting petitions, but just.

[Koji]

I think it's clicks these days. You can only direct people so far.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

I mean, comment, like, and subscribe. See, that's it.

[Ed Gamble]

Unless we lump the petitions together. So it's Get Kaiju Radical, a full series of Taskmaster Plus.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Stop eating ostrich. Yeah.

[Koji]

Okra. Don't like that.

[James Acaster]

Oh, what? Delicious.

[Koji]

No, Slimy.

[Ed Gamble]

Can be slimy.

[Koji]

No.

[James Acaster]

Well, it's not. What a crispy okra.

[Koji]

If it's like. If it's, like, fried. No. Which is basically. Then it's a fry.

[James Acaster]

Still tastes nice.

[Koji]

It's nice then in its slimy state.

[James Acaster]

I like the slimy one.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't mind the slime, actually.

[James Acaster]

I like it. I love it.

[Koji]

Water ship down. Not doing it.

[James Acaster]

What? The film.

[Koji]

Rabbits.

[Ed Gamble]

Rabbits.

[James Acaster]

Okay. Not just calling all rabbits. Watershed down.

[Koji]

That's the faction that they belong to.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Koji]

I'm not doing it. There's loads of them that I'm not doing anything. Too slimy. I'm not interested in.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I think mushrooms is the only one that's going to give you a problem there. The rest of them are pheasants, ostrich, rabbit.

[Koji]

Gross. And I'm sure it does something to my stomach that I'm not really ready to deal with in my adult ages because I feel like I have less in the way to stop it from happening. I mean, I feel like I feel like toilet related accidents just get more and more likely the older you get. Despite in the fact that in your mind you're like, of course I can hold that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I'm a grown up.

[Koji]

Yeah. I'm a whole adult person.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Then you're just at your doorstep.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Puddling your lap.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Because you can't get your keys out of your pocket on time.

[Ed Gamble]

I've. I've noticed in my own life, when I go away on tour, I take more pairs of pants with me now.

[Koji]

100.

[Ed Gamble]

Just in case.

[Koji]

Just in case.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

And there's nothing wrong with that. Pack an extra pair.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I'm packing more than one extra pair because in my mind, as soon as I leave the country, I'm gonna myself three times.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Which is.

[Koji]

Which could happen.

[Ed Gamble]

It could happen.

[Koji]

It could happen. And you could be careful all you want until someone's like, oh, I have this.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

And you think, oh, it's just a Coca Cola. Forget there's ice in it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Ice does you over. Yeah, you're done. You're done for.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I'll do you over. I mean, do you. I went for precautionary Wii before this. Absolutely should have because he just gets so annoyed at me. Benito, what if you have a midway? If I go, oh, I've got to go for a Wii.

[Koji]

It's the feng shui. The feng shui. And then it's like it's too much of a reset point. You gotta just hold it together. I hope I can.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

I'm the guest, so if I.

[Ed Gamble]

You're there, that's fine. He won't, he won't get mad at you. We won't get mad at you. And you've already told us that toilet related accidents could happen to anyone of

[Koji]

your mind at any time.

[Ed Gamble]

And a guest has never pissed themselves on camera.

[Koji]

Well, watch this.

[James Acaster]

Koji. We're very excited because we're doing the Royal Albert hall and so are you. Yeah, we're Royal Albert hall buddies.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Koji]

What, what date?

[Ed Gamble]

March sometime.

[Koji]

Nice midnight.

[James Acaster]

You're there in May.

[Koji]

I mean, I'm there in May, so we'll keep it warm. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

May 20th.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Koji]

May 20th. Royal Albert Hall.

[Ed Gamble]

That's really exciting.

[James Acaster]

It is.

[Koji]

I'm super excited. There's so much that I like to do with a live show that I've never been able to do before. That was gonna do before the Roundhouse, just before COVID Covert shut it down. Couldn't do it. And like all of these ideas kind of stayed in my head. And we had the Brixton Academy show after that. But I feel like Brixton Academy is still not the right stage for what I wanted to kind of do with that show. So like this one now, that's why there's such a long lead up time. Like we're really kind of take the production value to the sky, do you know what I mean? And put on a show that I'm like, I could retire on that one. I won't.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Could you?

[James Acaster]

I mean, are there like particular people that you're working with who you haven't worked with before or that you have in the past?

[Koji]

I think it's, it's working with the same people but to a different degree. Like, I think for me and Swindle, we've always wanted to. Swindle is my producer, for context, bad boy producer. He's produced for Legends for many, many years and luckily he's very close friend of mine and a long time collaborator and a music man to the core. And what he, he's had envisioned for doing a show has kind of been super excited as well. And he's got access to everyone. Jeremy can just make calls and like people turn up. So yeah, I think, I think this one's going to be very special. Going to have all the special guests. I think for me as well, I want it to go. But I've been doing this a while now. Long time. Too long, too long to be rapping. But a lot of the older songs I've never been able to bring to stage in that way. So I kind of want to go back, do some records from 23 winners. Yeah, do some records from In God's Body, Cashmere Tears and kind of build up this story to where we are today with Don't Look Down. So, yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

[James Acaster]

You say too long to be rapping, but like one of the really exciting things now with rap music is how you get older rappers talking about things from their perspective and that's almost created a whole new genre because it's still quite a young genre for sure.

[Koji]

I think, I think a lot of the time music doesn't necessarily mature in the ways that you'd want it to.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

And I felt like hip hop suffered with that the most because the iconographies of it were kind of so like childish in nature. Do you know what I mean? Like, I've got all of this. I got all the girls, I got all the cars, I got a mine, I got all this. Eventually it's like no, we've got mortgages and, like, prostate checkups and stuff. It's that real old man, grown man

[Ed Gamble]

I'm worried about. Toilet accidents.

[Koji]

That's why Andre 3000 is just walking around. Food. I was playing a flute.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Yeah. I mean, he's just like, well, I can't rap about this stuff no more.

[James Acaster]

He's got. He's got. I would say he's got too much for that. For that comment.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I think it's like.

[Koji]

I think.

[James Acaster]

I think he was talking more about himself.

[Koji]

Yeah. I. And I still think the rap album's there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

I think he knows it's like a red button. He can push that whenever he wants to and the world will stop.

[James Acaster]

So we always start with still. A sparkling water.

[Koji]

Coach still, please.

[James Acaster]

Still.

[Koji]

I don't even like people around me that drink sparkling. And my friends do it to. To just get all my tits.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Every time they know. So I'm like, what are you doing?

[Ed Gamble]

You just don't even understand.

[Koji]

Yeah. This ain't new.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So you say it as people trying to make out there's something they're not. Yeah.

[Koji]

Like, what is the point? There's bubbles in it. Get a real drink.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Do you know what I mean? Full fat Coke. If you're. If you're out about it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, if you want the bubbles,

[Koji]

take it to the chin. Do you know what I'm saying? This bubble stuff, it makes me. It makes me itch from behind my eyebrows whenever I drink sparkling water. I hate it with a passion.

[Ed Gamble]

Are you not. Are you not a bubbles guy? Anyway. Because you were saying out there before we started recording that you hate champagne.

[Koji]

I hate champagne.

[James Acaster]

You don't get your kicks from champagne.

[Koji]

Awful drink. Awful. Awful drink. Awful hangover. Yeah. Is that what. What did I miss? Kicks from champagne. James is a secret lyricist.

[James Acaster]

He is.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

He just drops these little bars in the background.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

And he thinks I don't hear him.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Sneaky. Sneaky little.

[Koji]

You get me?

[James Acaster]

Sneaky. But no.

[Koji]

Awful drink. Awful. Horrible. Chuck it away.

[Ed Gamble]

And. Is that the bubbles or the. Or the taste?

[Koji]

Who scares me? Sorry. Now I'm. Now I'm here. I'm here.

[Ed Gamble]

Please.

[Koji]

You know who scares me even more?

[Ed Gamble]

Go on.

[Koji]

People that have the bubble maker machine in their house.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I used to have one.

[Koji]

And I knew there was something I used to.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't have. I don't have one anymore.

[Koji]

You got rid of it. What's the point? Especially when you got to remember to buy the air the gas.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is good.

[Koji]

Just get another bottle and just dash the machine away.

[Ed Gamble]

I was tempted to experiment with it though, obviously, like make loads of things fizzy.

[Koji]

Okay, that makes sense.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

If it was just exclusively water problems.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

But you was in there trying to make Tizer.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I mean, God, I wish I'd made Tizer.

[Koji]

That would have been good.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't even know what Tizer is.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it'd be hard to make it. Even the ingredients, the bubbles is the easy part of that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Put everything red that you can find in your kitchen and fizz it up.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, it's basically. Then it's ketchup.

[Koji]

Standard chopped tomatoes. I miss.

[James Acaster]

Go on.

[Koji]

When. Do you remember ka? Nah. Where'd you grow up?

[Ed Gamble]

London.

[Koji]

Whereabouts in London?

[Ed Gamble]

Southwest London.

[Koji]

Come on now. You know a Ka. You know a KA oh, the drink.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

Do you remember when it used to taste purple? Like black grape used to taste actually purple.

[Ed Gamble]

All the drinks back then were so much better.

[Koji]

Panda Pop.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

What's the world come to now?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Is on Bongo still around?

[Koji]

Nah. Well, it probably is, but it's like proper third shelf budget supermarket liquid like that. Robinsons has definitely paid more than them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, definitely.

[James Acaster]

I think ka's still knocking him out.

[Koji]

They are, but they're just. It's not knocking about with the same vim.

[James Acaster]

It doesn't taste like.

[Koji]

Yeah, the tenacity is not there anymore.

[James Acaster]

It did taste like this liquidized color.

[Koji]

Yeah. And that's perfect. Yeah, yeah, that's what I want.

[Ed Gamble]

Sunny D as well. I mean, we weren't allowed Sunny Delight.

[Koji]

Did they tell you it was going to turn you orange?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I think there was a lot of stuff. There was a lot of anti Sunny D stuff in the press at the time. And so I think my mum was very anti Sunny Delight.

[Koji]

Yeah, same. And I thought, mum, like the likelihood of a liquid turning me oranges.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

So low. But even still, I don't think she wanted to pay the extra because Sunny Day was spenny.

[James Acaster]

It was. And you wanted it. I don't know why I wanted it so much before I even tasted it.

[Koji]

That was when adverts were king.

[James Acaster]

They opened the fridge.

[Koji]

What an advert.

[James Acaster]

What they've got in the fridge.

[Koji]

I don't even know what YOP is.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, sure.

[Koji]

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, no, that's.

[Ed Gamble]

But you know, you know, you want

[Koji]

it off by heart.

[James Acaster]

I was drinking a yacht once on the street, someone shouted yop on the street. Yeah. I was walking down drinking a yacht. This is like. This is like.

[Ed Gamble]

Sound normal. Don't you think you can slip that past us drinking a yacht on the street.

[James Acaster]

This is like 2008.

[Koji]

Soon as he got out of that car, he just cracked up on a fresh yacht. Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

I was drinking up on the street, yeah. And someone went past me in the car and with that bunch of lads younger than me, one of them called me fridge Wanker. Like. Like it was a milkshake fridge, you know. Oh, right. And I said back, here's a yop.

[Ed Gamble]

You got him.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You told him.

[Koji]

You told him pretty good.

[Ed Gamble]

Did he say sorry?

[James Acaster]

He said sorry. I didn't know it was a yogurt based drink. I thought you were drinking a delicious milkshake.

[Koji]

No, I'm drinking it in the street.

[James Acaster]

Who suddenly doesn't taste the fat? Thank you.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a yop for your still water. We could give you a KA instead if you want.

[Koji]

Oh, if I can just make random requests like that. Can I get a sorrel and ginger? Yes, thank you.

[Ed Gamble]

What's that?

[Koji]

It's sorrel and ginger. It's a. I'll call it a Caribbean drink because I normally get it when I go to the Caribbean shop to get myself a little. One meal and a drink. And there's one drink that I normally get, sorrel and ginger. And I think sorrel is something. And ginger is ginger. I don't know what sorrel is, but it's kind of red.

[James Acaster]

Yeah,

[Koji]

it's nice, though. What's sorrel?

[Ed Gamble]

It's like a. It's like a herb, isn't it? Or something. Or like a leaf.

[Koji]

You know what's so funny is I never even asked him. Ever.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Someone Caribbean said, drink this and I drank it and I was like, this is banging.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

I've never questioned. What's this? I never asked.

[Ed Gamble]

Herbaceous plant.

[Koji]

Herbaceous plant and ginger. Nice, lovely liquid. Beautiful. Have some of that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, you can have some of that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Thank you.

[James Acaster]

Ed, can you shout Problems of Bread? My throat isn't 100%.

[Koji]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, this is the first time I've done it. So you want to shout it yourself?

[Koji]

Yeah, yeah, I'm going to shout myself.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Because I'm a fan of the show Problems of Bread. Sorry, I didn't think the first one.

[James Acaster]

It was good. It was good. It's nice to hear someone else do it.

[Ed Gamble]

This is the first time a guest's done it for themselves, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, first time.

[Koji]

Yeah. I wanted to the bucket list things.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

Bread, though. Bread. Definitely bread. What, like. Who's. Has anyone ever picked papadoms?

[Ed Gamble]

A lot of people. Yeah. For a while it was near. On 50.

[James Acaster]

50, yeah.

[Koji]

I think bread supremacy. We're bringing it back. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Any particular type of bread?

[Koji]

Turkish.

[James Acaster]

Turkish bread. Nice. Lovely.

[Ed Gamble]

Any particular type of Turkish bread? Which Turkish bread are we thinking?

[Koji]

There's a place in Wood Green. I forgot its name. Everyone knows it. That's big.

[James Acaster]

I'm trying to think now. So Woodgreen was the first place I lived in London, and I was down there for quite a bit, so I should know

[Koji]

something like that. Anyway, it's over there. It's nice, though. Big one, two floors.

[Ed Gamble]

Restaurant.

[Koji]

Restaurant.

[Ed Gamble]

Got kizu.

[Koji]

That's the one.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I never actually learned any of the names of any of them. So that's. You know it proper.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Well, because there's a couple of Goku's. There weren't. There's one.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

There's one in Walthamstone. Yeah. Yeah.

[Koji]

Was Wood Green the original one, then?

[Ed Gamble]

I think it might have been.

[Koji]

Oh, well, that's og.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Og. Turkish bread.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Like the flat. Like the flatbread.

[Koji]

The.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Cooked on the bread.

[Koji]

It's got to be the spicy one.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Koji]

Nice. Yeah. Not the plain Jane.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. What spice. What spice they got in there?

[Koji]

You know, obviously the obligatory chili sauce. Yeah. It's got some mask that comes with the table. Chili sauce, garlic sauce. Right there. Yeah. But I think they put chili flakes and oil or olive oil chili flakes sprinkled over the top. Bake that in there. Gives it a nice little zing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I mean, I lived around there. I didn't know the names of any places. I wasn't really interested in food back then. And Josh Whitaker and I, who lived nearby, would always text each other, meet you in the cafe where the man farted. Because that was just like. We didn't know the name of it. Yeah, but a man.

[Ed Gamble]

Was it a Turkish cafe?

[James Acaster]

I don't think so. Yeah, but like, a man have just cocked a cheek and farted once. It's like just. Yeah. We couldn't stop laughing about it.

[Ed Gamble]

I think if you are gonna fight in a cafe, that's the way to do it, isn't it?

[Koji]

Or just discreetly.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, no. I think if you're gonna. Then go outside if you're farting.

[Koji]

Yeah, okay.

[Ed Gamble]

And there's other people in the cafe. Yeah.

[Koji]

Just y. Cock it up and go. Yeah, cock it up and go.

[Ed Gamble]

You've got to cock it up and go, haven't you?

[James Acaster]

Yes. Yeah, yeah. Cock it up and go.

[Ed Gamble]

What is it with you and people farting in cafes?

[James Acaster]

It's bad, innit?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I don't know why. And it is, then.

[Koji]

Wait, What?

[Ed Gamble]

He's had this before.

[James Acaster]

What? Nish, of course.

[Ed Gamble]

Nish Kumar.

[Koji]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

He farted in a restaurant when we were in New Year's Eve. Lovely. Lovely restaurant as well. And did the worst fart I've ever smelt in my life.

[James Acaster]

Into Ed's face.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, into my face.

[Koji]

What did you do to deserve such a heinous crime?

[Ed Gamble]

I think he's just so comfortable around me now. He knows. Yeah.

[Koji]

I used to know my scent.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. He was marking his territory.

[Koji]

Yeah. Just in case I ever go missing. They need to.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, you can sniff him out.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I think anyone could sniff him out, though, to be honest.

[James Acaster]

What else are people fight?

[Ed Gamble]

There's your Bamb cake.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah, the Bamb cake lady.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, the old lady.

[Koji]

What happened?

[James Acaster]

This really, really, like, oldest woman in the world in. In Banbury. And me and my family went. Well, I was probably in my early 20s and, yeah, she was handing out. We all ordered Banbury cakes.

[Koji]

Right. What's a bamboo cake?

[James Acaster]

It's like a raisin e kind of cake that they're making. Bambury. Yeah. I can't remember it that well now because the last in memory is that Ash was handing them out. She handed my brother his plate. He was the furthest away. And she said, here's your bamboo cake. And then she fired. And it was the fact that she said, here's your bamboo cake beforehand, which is what made us all laugh for so long. We couldn't stop laughing. And so for a long time, in

[Koji]

my house, every time someone farted, they say just beforehand.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It was a lot of fun, which

[Ed Gamble]

is good, I think. I think it's good to have something you say before you fart.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Especially if it's, here's your bamboo.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you have anything you say before you fart, Koji?

[Koji]

No. You know, nah. To be honest, more time. I'm just, like, hoping that it's a clean operation.

[Ed Gamble]

Of course.

[Koji]

No, not. Not to say I'm going to shit myself, but just, like, if I'm in a public space, you don't want a loud.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

In private, the loud ones are, like, real. Like there's this pride in them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I mean, they don't often smell the loud ones.

[Koji]

Yeah, exactly.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

They're calm.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

But there's nothing worse than being In a scenario where it's gotta come out, you can't hold it in. Bellies up.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

It's gotta come out. And you're thinking, right, if I angle it the right way, I can probably get away with a silent one. And it's just not that it's anything but. And there's no way to. Like, you can't you look around for a victim,

[Ed Gamble]

as in someone to blame rather than someone to aim it at.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

At this point, if you're dealing with chemical warfare.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

So you look around and it's like, everyone around, you know, they. It couldn't be there. Like, you know. Yeah, this is a hard sell. Yeah, this is a hard sell. Everyone's immediately looked at you or me in this scenario.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

And I know I'm guilty and it's just not nice. So I. Whenever I fought in public, I. I try and make sure I'm sitting down.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Okay.

[Koji]

I try not to fart standing up

[Ed Gamble]

to baffle the sound a little bit.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

Like a proper like. And I was like, yeah. I mean, like, pelvis down.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

I'm trying to be courteous.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

You know who doesn't care? My son doesn't care. He's five. You far anywhere.

[James Acaster]

Ye.

[Ed Gamble]

He's five, though.

[Koji]

And that's the problem.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's the problem.

[Koji]

Because when do we stop that? When do we go? You're six. You can't fart now outside no more. We need to get out of him now. You know what I mean? But we're just. It's gentle parenting. It's just like, how do you, like, gently cock someone into not farting them?

[James Acaster]

You don't want to shame him.

[Koji]

Exactly.

[James Acaster]

Farts, exactly.

[Koji]

You don't want to be like, oh, do you know what I mean? But I know. I've just given him a look and he just like. Do you know what he said to me the other day? He was like, it's fine, open the window, he said. That's what he said to me. I'm driving. This is a new car fresh.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

The new car smell hasn't even left the car fresh.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Then I could just smell fart on the back seat. And I look behind me and he's not said a word. Apart from, it's fine, just open the window.

[James Acaster]

Let's get into your dream menu proper now.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Your dream starter.

[Koji]

How many can I have? As many as I want. Smart world. It's sharing plates.

[Ed Gamble]

It's sharing plates.

[Koji]

Sharing plates. Fangled dangled Rules in restaurants.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. But the sharing plates then. We're working with the system where we don't have the starter main side. It's just sharing plates.

[Koji]

You don't get start resharing plates. They try to get you for everything when you go in an establishment.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. But then the sharing, then it's also sharing for the main. Right. As well.

[Koji]

Could do.

[Ed Gamble]

So you're.

[Koji]

How hungry are you?

[Ed Gamble]

I'm always. I'm always hungry.

[James Acaster]

Are we all in?

[Koji]

Just me. If you want it. If you want to drink, I would love for you to join me for dinner.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm a disaster sharing place. It goes mad, it goes crazy.

[Koji]

You're not a fan of it?

[Ed Gamble]

No, I love it.

[Koji]

But you're just like.

[Ed Gamble]

It's always. It's an argument with the waiter every time where he's like, we recommend three to four plates. Yeah.

[Koji]

Do you know what they start doing as well? Which I think is diabolical. I think it's rude, in fact. Yeah. Let's say now it's you. You're on a date. Yeah. Person's there, you're there. Plate comes out. Sharing plates. Why is there three.

[Ed Gamble]

Three things? Yeah. It's mad.

[Koji]

Why is there three of them? It's mad there's two of us.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

One of these. One. One is now a conversation of. Do you want it? No, no. You have it. No, no, no, no. You have it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

That goes on for too long.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Or you just rush, eat it and then now you look crazy, you look greedy.

[Ed Gamble]

Or it's something that. And it's something that you can't split in half successfully as well. So if it's like a whole thing that you can just immediately go like that and you don't need to have the conversation.

[Koji]

The lady in the Tramp days are gone as well. You can't just like half bite and go in.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

Have the other half of this dumpling, babe.

[Ed Gamble]

The lady in the Tramp days are gone.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And this is what's wrong with Britain, I think.

[James Acaster]

So the amount that you got to cut up. What other. Why am I blanking on this name? Oh, here's a fun thing. Try and try and try and work out what I'm talking about. Yeah. Croquettes.

[Koji]

Well, that's what I'd have.

[James Acaster]

I have a chop up another croquette

[Koji]

in my life for my starter. I'd have a oxtail croquette.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Oh, lovely.

[Koji]

Oxtail cricket.

[Ed Gamble]

Beautiful. And from anywhere particular that you've had

[Koji]

the best oxtail croquette how often? Just help me out. How often when a name of a restaurant is said on this podcast, does a person get a complimentary free dinner from that place?

[James Acaster]

Quite often, I would tell you. Often.

[Koji]

Well, it was smokestack in shortage.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's good.

[Ed Gamble]

What a place.

[Koji]

What a place.

[Ed Gamble]

And the oxtail croquettes are one of the best things on the menu there.

[Koji]

Wonderful. And there's something about an oxtail croquette that's just like, biting into the best parts of gentrification. Yeah. Oxtail was like polystyrene boxes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Oxtail butter beans, rice, peas, coleslaw. Planting. Go about your day now. Shredded, lightly fried.

[James Acaster]

Lovely hipster places like Smokestack.

[Koji]

Yeah, well, they got. Actually, no, they don't. Do you give you plates in there, or is it just like. Yeah, yeah, plates in there. Big up, you guys, for putting out plates, because gone are the days you managed to bring out logs.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, logs. Or a roof tile or something.

[Koji]

Yeah. Just what was that phase of restaurant in?

[Ed Gamble]

I think it still exists, but it's moved out of the, like, trendy restaurants, and now it's in, like, the mainstream restaurants.

[Koji]

Oh, I'm not going there.

[Ed Gamble]

Like, I walked past the sign for a roast dinner in a pub the other day, and it was all on a breadboard.

[Koji]

What's the point?

[Ed Gamble]

And in the picture, they're pouring gravy on it. It's like, well, that's fucking gravy all over the side. Yeah.

[Koji]

Now your table's full of gravy.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

Forearm. Because at some point you're gonna forget yourself. A lean forward.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

Gravy out your forearm.

[Ed Gamble]

I thought you were saying that they were gonna do it like Salt Bay but with gravy.

[Koji]

Yeah, that'd be awful.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Gravy Bay.

[Koji]

These restaurants are pants.

[James Acaster]

He doesn't shut up about Sal.

[Ed Gamble]

What do you mean? I don't shut up about Salt Bay.

[James Acaster]

He talked about him last time we did an episode. You talk about Salt Bay.

[Koji]

I went there once. It was so rubbish.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, it looks really bad.

[Koji]

Pants.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I only learned about Salt Bay via Ed on this podcast, but I hate. I hate salt his pants.

[Koji]

He's pants man.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Big him up, though, I guess.

[James Acaster]

No, we don't need to be that.

[Koji]

I just. I like to end on positivity.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

Because I'm a natural born hater.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It is a positive thing. Opposite Smokestack, there's some graffiti on a wall that looks like Stuart Law's. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

How often have you had a window seat in there?

[James Acaster]

Just the one side of window seat. And I looked over and my partner said, hey, that graffiti of the cartoon man looks like your friend Stuart. I texted Stuart. He didn't like it.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[Koji]

He didn't think he looked like him.

[James Acaster]

He didn't like it. No. But then I texted my mutual friend and said, who's this? And he went, that's Stuart Laws. So I said, he says, it's you. I said, show it to your girlfriend and see what she says.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So I said, all you can say is, who's this?

[Koji]

Yeah. Right.

[James Acaster]

So he showed it to her and said, who's this? She said, that's you?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

She said, that's my boyfriend. So you have to admit that next

[Ed Gamble]

time you go to the smokestack, I

[Koji]

might have to get a Windowsit.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Get a windows.

[James Acaster]

Do you want to know what Stuart Laws looks like?

[Koji]

Good luck.

[James Acaster]

Sit there. Look out the window. It's right there.

[Koji]

Can I pair drinks with different. Can I pair with drinks?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

What I want to pair that with?

[Ed Gamble]

While you're thinking about it, I was in Lisbon the other day, and I had goat croquettes.

[Koji]

What is in the goat was in a croquette.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. As in what? Not croquettes for goats or greatest of all time, croquettes.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm talking about goat meat croquettes.

[Koji]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Which was excellent as well.

[Koji]

Yeah. Because to me, that's the same as, like, having a. Like a curry goat.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Which I'd have.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

If anyone wants to make me a curry goat croquette.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Please hurry up.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't. There's not many things I can think of that I wouldn't want to crockette.

[James Acaster]

Interesting.

[Koji]

Oh, there's so many things.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

I could give you a whole list to not put. Don't put pheasant.

[Ed Gamble]

No pheasant. No peacock.

[Koji]

No peacock. No pheasant. No rabbit.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

No veal. I don't want veal.

[Ed Gamble]

No veal. Croquette wouldn't work. It has to be a bit of fat in the meat.

[Koji]

What's my man? Always venison. Is it Venice? No, it's not venison. Bald, ufc, Joe Rogan.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Koji]

I want elk. Crickets.

[James Acaster]

No, I don't want anything endorsed by Joe Rogan in a croquette or otherwise.

[Koji]

Yeah. No, I mean

[Ed Gamble]

Ivermectin. Croquettes.

[James Acaster]

Sorry.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you remember ivermectin? That was something that Joe Rogan was obsessed with. It was the cure for covert Is like horse medicine or something.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

I'm only. I'm like a clip merchant.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, sure.

[Koji]

He just. They just bombard me. I get shown the weirdest. My YouTube reels.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

It's a weird place to be.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you ever get top five Karens?

[Koji]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I touched that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

I looked for it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I get so many top five Karens,

[Koji]

I. I like to. I like to. It's a bit of like a. It's a weird obsession because, like, sometimes you just like to imagine what life is like on the other side, man. Do you mean just being like an old white woman? Yeah, I just want to know what that's like. That's power that I can never imagine. People think about, like, ruling countries.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

I'm saying taking over small islands stuff. Those people that got arrested for that in America, they was going to take over Haiti.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, really?

[Koji]

Really? Yeah. Two white guys just said, we could pull up there, get a couple of our mates, pull up there, take over the country. Little did they know that they couldn't

[Ed Gamble]

because there's people there.

[Koji]

Yeah. Yeah. And. But sometimes I think to myself, old white lady. Wow. Powers, man.

[Ed Gamble]

Hours.

[Koji]

Powers. Powers. Yeah. And it's like. It's like the power of delusion to the max.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

It's a crazy level.

[Ed Gamble]

A lot of these Karens, though, when I'm in my top five Karens, they don't get away with it because I watch a lot of top five Karen. Instant karma.

[Koji]

Oh, the sugar on top.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

Oh, yeah. You like a resolution?

[James Acaster]

I love a resolution. It's not the same. Ed watching it as you watched it.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, no.

[James Acaster]

Ed watching it. You know, Ed's there. He's got more privilege than a cabin.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But he's watching it, loving it and laughing.

[Koji]

He's picking up tips. He's like, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

He's not being an ally.

[Koji]

I don't know. I could just cry. I don't know. I could just cry on the spot.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Or just throw myself on a car bonnet.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Slowly roll off, pull out my phone as I stand up and say, he hit me. Oh. What? That's power.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

Hello.

[James Acaster]

That's good.

[Ed Gamble]

That's a good one.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Have you seen that one?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, of course. Did you think of a drink that you want to pair with the oxtail crust?

[Koji]

I'll have a Paloma, please.

[James Acaster]

Oh, lovely. Yeah. It's a good start of the meal. Drink a Paloma.

[Koji]

My other, because it's sherry starter, is a bit of. We call it kebab in Ghana but in Nigeria they call it soya. But it's like a lot of the time it's like beef and it's like a spice blend and that little onions that go like in between. It's always on a stick. It's like street food but it's banging and with like.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, the seasoning is like sort of spicy.

[Koji]

Yeah, that's so good.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

So I'll have a bit of that and then some plantain.

[Ed Gamble]

Beautiful.

[T-Mobile/US Cellular Announcer]

Everyone deserves to be connected. T mobile and U S cellular are joining forces. Our networks are coming together bringing more T mobile coverage over the country. Switch to T mobile and save up to 20% versus Verizon by getting built in benefits they leave out. Check the math@t mobile.com switch and now T mobile is available in a US cellular store near you Bigger network. The combination of T mobiles and US cellular's network footprints will enhance the T mobile network's coverage. Savings versus comparable Verizon plans Plus the costs of options, benefits, plan features and taxes and fees vary. Savings with three plus lines include third free line free via monthly bill credits. Credit stop if you cancel any lines. Qualifying credit required.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Hi, it's Sarah. I'm the founder of Olive and June and can I tell you the one thing that always makes my day better? A fresh manicure. But who has the time or the money to go to the salon every week? That's why we created the Olive and June gel mani system. It gives you that same mani that you get at a salon for so much less. It comes with everything you need. A pro level lamp, salon grade tools, our damage free gel polish that lasts up to 21 days. All you do is prep, paint, cure and you're good to go. And the best part, it's super easy and so affordable. Each mani breaks down to $2. So let's skip that $80 salon appointment and get the salon quality look at home for so much less. And on your schedule, head to oliveandjune.com DIYgel20 and use code DIYgel20 for 20% off your first Gel Mani system. That's all ofanjune.com DIYgel20 code DIY Gel20 for 20% off your first gel mani system. Okay, I have to tell you, I was just looking on ebay where I go for all kinds of things I love. And there it was.

[James Acaster]

That hologram trading car.

[Ed Gamble]

One of the rarest. The last one I needed for my set.

[Koji]

Shiny like the designer handbag of my dreams.

[James Acaster]

One of A kind.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Ebay had it.

[Koji]

And now everyone's asking, ooh, where'd you

[James Acaster]

get your windshield wipers? Ebay has all the parts that fit my car.

[Koji]

No more annoying, just beautiful.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Millions of finds, each with a story. Ebay, things people love.

[Adam Grant]

Hey, this is Adam Grant, host of ted's podcast, Rethinking with Adam Grant. Let me share with you why smart finance leaders turn to Bill. They know that clarity isn't just helpful, it's strategic. As the intelligent finance platform, Bill uses AI to automate the busy work for nearly half a million businesses so they can focus on intentional growth, eliminate the friction and start scaling with the proven choice. Visit bill.compenven to talk with an expert about automating your business finances and get a $250 gift card as a thank you. That's bill.com proven terms and conditions apply. See offer page for details.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Has the news been getting you down? I'm Megan McCardell and I'm here to help. I'm the host of a new show from Washington Post Opinion called Reasonably Optimistic. And it's an antidote to the pessimism

[Koji]

that's riddling America right now.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Every Wednesday I'm going to talk to people who see a path forward.

[Ed Gamble]

It does seem to me that there is some awakening of a desire to

[James Acaster]

act together to solve problems where they are. You know, I am a believer in America and it's worth fighting for.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Join me Wednesdays on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts.

[James Acaster]

Dream main course.

[Koji]

The main course that I dream of I'd have like, because it's sherry. So we want something that feels like we've hunted it ourselves even though we just ordered it off the menu. So we'll take a whole grilled fish stuffed with like vegetables and vibes flavors. Like a white tilapia.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Whole grilled tilapia.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Filleted. Just have at it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. The first tilapia we've had on the

[Ed Gamble]

pod might be the first tilapia. Is there another name for tilapia though? Benito. It feels like one of those multi name fish. Like when you go to America and they go, do you want a brand Xeno. And you haven't heard about sea bass? You mean sea bass.

[Koji]

They call it what?

[Ed Gamble]

They call it branzino.

[James Acaster]

I didn't know that branzino was a sea.

[Ed Gamble]

Crazy, right?

[James Acaster]

I knew branzino but I didn't know that was seen. Yeah.

[Koji]

That's awful.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Don't like that.

[Ed Gamble]

Any other names for it? There are hundreds of them. Apparently it's A whole species.

[Koji]

Tilapia's banging.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Never had tilapia.

[Ed Gamble]

I think I must have had tilapia. Yeah.

[Koji]

You look well traveled.

[Ed Gamble]

I've traveled, yes.

[Koji]

I guarantee one of the places where you travel to when you've ordered that fish. You didn't ask. Yeah, it was tilapia.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Do you want to guess some of the places that Ed's traveled to?

[Ed Gamble]

Guess where I was yesterday.

[Koji]

Yesterday? Wait, let me.

[Ed Gamble]

It wasn't in the uk.

[Koji]

Okay. I was looking for, like, visible signs of sunburn.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, no, no.

[Koji]

So it was nowhere hot.

[Ed Gamble]

No. Well, it was warmish, but it was November.

[Koji]

You was in Latvia.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I was in Gibraltar yesterday. Close, yeah.

[James Acaster]

You did a gig in a cave.

[Ed Gamble]

Did a gig in a cave yesterday. In Gibraltar, is it? Yeah. And you're thinking, did you do that? Well, I was on tour. Got us to go to a cave. You've got to go to a cave.

[Koji]

Put on the date.

[Ed Gamble]

Put.

[Koji]

Schedule it in.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, exactly.

[Koji]

Schedule it. And why not?

[Ed Gamble]

I wouldn't. I mean, I was expecting maybe a bit of tapas because it's obviously near Spain. It's in between Spain and Morocco, but basically it's still like a British stronghold. So I had a Pizza Express on the Marina.

[Koji]

I've never been to Spain.

[Ed Gamble]

You got to go to Spain. I mean, start. I'd say start in Madrid or Barcelona. I wouldn't go. I wouldn't go straight to Gibraltar.

[Koji]

Is it not welcoming?

[Ed Gamble]

No, it's welcoming, but it's. It doesn't feel very Spanish.

[Koji]

Oh, okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Because it's, you know, an Irish pub with an outdoor football screen. And then, yeah, a Pizza Express, a Wagon Mamas, and a bloody brilliant go

[Koji]

on Spanish reality TV shows.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah. How did you get into these and what are they?

[Koji]

Yeah, I got into it the same way everyone else did. Viral Twitter clip.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Koji]

Broski was running on the beach, thunder and lightning behind him. He was screaming out for his bird. His bird is getting the break. Speed offer by this big Spanish man. He's in her guts and he's speeding down the beach. I can't remember what her name is. It's like Anita or something like that. It's like he's running off. Bomb gets there. Imagine. Yeah. He gets grabbed. You think the security guard grabs him?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Nah, Broski, that's beating down his girl. It's his friend. He's grabbed him and said, whoa, whoa, there, buddy. My friend's busy right now. Relax. He's on his knees. I can't believe you do this to me in Spanish, obviously.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

She comes out now. So you was in your island, rubbing up on next girl. Now look, one up, you lose. Then she came to her senses. She was like, no, no, come back. She was like, I don't want you, though. His name's Montoya. Montoya. Because the lady, the old. The old lady, she's like the fairy godmother of the houses. Boom. Let's just explain. Let me break the show down.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, sure.

[Ed Gamble]

Because you've given us a scene from that.

[Koji]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But without any of the context of what the show.

[Koji]

Yeah, yeah. So the shows, the Spanish for Temptation Island.

[James Acaster]

All right.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Koji]

There's a Temptation island type show.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Couples. Girls go in one house, the boys go in another house. They send single girl into the boy's house. They send single guys into the boys house. The aim of the game is to not cheat on your partner. But anytime something funky happens. Yeah. So let's say you go in there, you set your rules. My Mrs. Is staring too long. If she's in the pool with my man, they're hugging up.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Anything. That's cheating for me. But the problem is, anytime someone does something wrong, there's an alarm that will just sound off.

[Ed Gamble]

Right.

[Koji]

But you don't know who set the alarm off. So you're in your house, the alarm goes off. You're just thinking, oh, no, oh, no, oh, no.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Right. And it's. And it's nuts. And all the things that you can imagine going wrong goes wrong. Right.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Every couple has their own story arc. I could break down all of them. It's great. It's great. It's so good. It's so good. But Montoya, they put the show on the map. Yeah. And basically, Montoya, he's like a little. You can tell everybody likes him.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

So he likes the attention. So he was getting the attention. He was. He was nibbling on the attention too much. And the problem is at the end of the week, like, they'll show your misses what you did that week.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

This is what he was up to. He was dancing on table. This bird, he was sharing croquettes with this one on Tuesday.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

I mean, so then. Do you know what I'm saying?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Right. Seven days. Why the Sunday now?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Fireworks.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Because she's seeing this now, and she's like, oh, you think you. You think you're the only one who likes croquettes?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

She goes back in the house now. Weren't even 30 minutes later, boom, they're in the pool going mad.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

So then the alarms ringing off from Montoya. Montoya said, nah, let me break down the scene. Yeah, let me break down the scene.

[Ed Gamble]

So this is when he runs, when

[Koji]

he's running on the beach.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

So the fairy godmother comes here and she's like, mandam unite. Yeah. Boom. So the mandam unite. Boom. Into this room.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I wish. I wish that's what happened.

[Koji]

Very good. Mama comes, Mandam unite.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

All the boys are on the sofa now. She's like, listen, here's the deal, yeah. I'm gonna break it down to you like this. I'm gonna give you an opportunity, yeah. One of you can come with me and we're going to show you a live feed of what's happening in the girl's house right now. Yeah. It's like CCTV footage.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

But the only one that's going to have sound is your girl. But you can see everyone else.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah?

[Koji]

Yeah. So, but you have to pick one. So the boys know Montoya's been going through it, right? So they're like, we're gonna send Montoya. But they're like, to Montoya, please, brother. Like, look out for my girl. Like, tell me what she's up to. Please, brother. He's like, yeah, I got you. So he goes with her now. Yeah. Bear in mind, I've had to get this on VPN today. I've had to subtitle, translate. I'm calling up my bread and. Clara, Clara, translate. What they saying? What are they saying? Because I needed to know. It was getting too. It was almost getting too far. You know when in Spanish is Spanish and it's too fast for the subtitles.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Keep up.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

But boom. So Montoya goes. Now he sat in front of all these, the cameras. Now you see everyone. Yeah. Scan it. So let's say his Guy's on camera 11. Bear in mind he's only got 10 minutes to do this. Yeah, he's only got 10 minutes scanning him. All right, cool. His girls there. Camera 11, please. Enlarges. His guys in there with a little best friend in the house. Now they're chatting blasey blasey, blah, blah. She's all crying. I can't believe Montoya is being an idiot over there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Dancing on the tables, eating the croquettes.

[Koji]

What's he doing? Yeah, yeah. She's like, babe, don't cry. Manuel, I think his name is Manuel, knocks on the door, says, boha, whatever her name is, do one. I need to chat to her. Bear in mind, this is all within 10 minutes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

Walks in there.

[Ed Gamble]

This is live. It's happening live. Yeah, Live.

[Koji]

Oh, Montoya is watching this live.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, Montoya.

[Koji]

He's walked in now. He must have said some smooth in Spanish. Some smooth Spanish. Senorita this, senorita that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Can I kick it with you?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Do you know what I'm saying?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Boom. She's like, yeah. Next thing you know, lights flick off. Bed is just rattling. Montoya says what? Starts running down the beach. I said the lightning was a paid actor. Lightning, thunderstorm, Gaga. That cameraman's on a gimbal now. Before it's fixed, cameras had to load up the tank bomb. Fairy godmother's chasing off the. Montoya.

[James Acaster]

Montoya.

[Koji]

Montoya. So wherever long. I say all that to say wherever they're shooting, that is the part of Spain I need to go.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Because that is excitement.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Koji]

That is exciting.

[Ed Gamble]

We can put your dream restaurant there if you want. We can put it on the beach.

[Koji]

On the beach. So that way, while I'm eating the

[Ed Gamble]

fish, at the moment that you're eating the fish and it's been grilled on the beach, the thunderstorm starts. You like, I know what's happening here. Montoya runs. Runs past you while you're eating the fish.

[Koji]

That's it, man. Entertainment.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

No one ever thinks of that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

I'm entertained by that. I'm with that. Thank you for letting me tell my story.

[James Acaster]

Not your story. Dream side dish.

[Koji]

Ah. Do you know what the problem is? Yeah, I don't know what they're called or what he calls them. Turf. No, surf potatoes. Chef Tom Brown, he's got a restaurant. He's got a new one with his brethren in King's Cross.

[Ed Gamble]

He's got a new one, so he's got. He's got a cornerstone, right?

[Koji]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's got that. And he's got a new one now. King's Cross.

[Ed Gamble]

Nice.

[Koji]

Mary Street Market, called Ireland. And they've got these crispy potatoes, roast potatoes, but they're, like, seasoned with, like, lots of. Lots of, like, citrusy kind of flavors. It's like. I mean, it's got a little tang to it, but it's got that crispy, fluffy potato feeling. And they always recommend to pair that with the fish. And it's kind of hard to go back once you've had them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

So I want those ones specifically. We'll just call them surf roast potatoes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that makes sense. To get some, like, citrusy potatoes with your fish.

[Koji]

Yeah. And then obviously the. The fish is stuffed, so we'll have, like, all our fresh vegetables in there and all that stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. What. When you said what was in the vegetables? I think in the fish, you said vegetables and then you said vibes. Vibes, yeah. Were there any more specifics to the vibes?

[Koji]

Yeah, yeah. Like, obviously, chop some garlic up.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Red peppers, maybe a little Scotch bonnet, so it's a bit spicy. We're gonna have some basil, some coriander. Basically all of our green seasoning.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Sweet peppers as well. Red onions, some shallots. Do you know what I mean? We're gonna blend most of it up. Some of it we're going to keep kind of chopped whole, but most that we're going to blend up, so it's a bit pasty. And then we're going to paste that over the fish fillet grill, bit of foil on it. So it's just like. I'm saying, bring that out.

[Ed Gamble]

Delicious.

[Koji]

Bring that out.

[James Acaster]

It's very good.

[Ed Gamble]

And are you. When it comes off the grill, are you going to be the one, like, picking the fish off or are you going to have someone there.

[Koji]

They're gonna make a show out of it for us.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

It's proper nice in there, I promise you.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, because you got that show happening, and then obviously you've got Montoya, like, caning it past.

[Koji]

Yeah, caning it past.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Montoya. Some fish.

[Koji]

No, he's the. You can't. He couldn't eat for days. He couldn't eat for days.

[James Acaster]

He was heartbroken with reality shows when they get pitched and stuff, but, like, how they get made and, like, how they know it's gonna work. Because for me, if I was a commissioner, yeah. And someone said, we're gonna put all the men in one house, all the women in another house. We're gonna then send in, like, sexy people to both of the houses. And the thing is, is that if you don't cheat, then you win. Think as the commissioner or just no one's gonna cheat. What are you talking about?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but that's. But that's the last thing, right?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, but they're like that. They know people well enough now in reality TV that they go, no, no, no. Some people can't resist it, even though they're being filmed on TV for the clips.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, that's it. It's either. It's either they can't resist it or more likely, people don't go in those shows to win. People go in those shows to then get a career. Where they can go on other reality shows. And the way you do that is by cheating in Temptation Island.

[Koji]

Do you know what. Do you know what I've been seeing on my timeline a bit more these days? It's the Married at First Sight, the new season I ain't caught. I used to be a Married at First. Right. Connoisseur. Especially the Australian one. Yeah. What? What a series?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, all Australian versions of TV shows are just madder than anywhere else in the world.

[Koji]

Right. And they. And they fight.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

There was one Filipino babe on there that was ready to go. Every dinner party, he was flipping tables, chucking chairs. Surprised you made it past, like, two episodes.

[Ed Gamble]

The only Married at First Sight one I get is the British one where the guy walks down. No, the lady walks down the aisle and the guy turns around, he's put big fake teeth in. That's the only one I get regularly.

[Koji]

Why have I not seen that? I need to see that immediately.

[Ed Gamble]

Let's get on my algorithm. If you're on the Karen's algorithm, you'll get it eventually.

[Koji]

Oh, man. Do you know what my favorite season was? There was one brother. I can't remember what his name is now. So bad. But it's probably better that I don't.

[Ed Gamble]

Should we just call him Montoya?

[Koji]

Let's call him Montoya of Married at First Sight.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

But imagine. Yeah. It's the day. Yeah. Where they're meant to take them to, like, your house now.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

To be like, ah, boom. Meet my family, meet my peoples. Look into my world. Yeah. This brother took the girl to Leighton park, took her, put her on a bench. I said, I just like being private. I didn't want all the cameras in my house. But this is where I grew up. This is my area. It's my ends. Later, she was sat here thinking, wow.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, exactly. It should be a nice thing where you go into someone's house and.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, meet the mum or whatever. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It's mad when I'm talking to my partner about this this morning, but, like, when I think back to the first series of Big brother in the 90s.

[Koji]

Good times.

[James Acaster]

And it was such a gentle show. And there was, like, Nasty Nick, but really, what was he doing?

[Koji]

It's just being.

[James Acaster]

It was just like saying one thing to one person and a slightly different thing to another.

[Ed Gamble]

Nights to people.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. But we didn't even know about the sliding nights when we were getting annoyed about it until he got busted.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

We didn't really know.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

About the sun. All we knew was Craig knew about the nights. Yeah. But all we knew, we were like, well, he's saying to that person he likes them and then he's going to another person going, I don't really like that guy. That was it.

[Ed Gamble]

He was trying to influence the vote, though, to be fair. It was nasty. It was nasty compared to Nasty Nick.

[James Acaster]

Compared to now.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Yeah. Now it's insane.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

How much everyone hated Nasty Nick in the country. I was like, we got to get him out. And someone threw a little. Flew a plane in there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

A little toy plane saying, he's lying to you. Because we were. Everyone was so up in arms about Nasty Nick.

[Koji]

I feel like the country needs someone to hate every year. Like one. Especially as a nation. As a British. We liked. We like a good.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

But back then, a good hate session.

[James Acaster]

Then we'd actually, like, get together and hate a guy who actually wasn't very nice. Yeah. Now the people who are the worst people on those shows, everyone loves them. Yeah. And it's like, that person's great. They just speak their mind. They're so great.

[Koji]

Yeah. You gotta get it done.

[James Acaster]

It's so much worse now.

[Koji]

Someone's got to be the bad guy. We're as a nation, as a people. Yeah. We're. You do real. Do you reckon you could do it? Reality tv?

[James Acaster]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. You'd be the worst guy on it, that Big Brother.

[Koji]

Do you reckon you could do a Big Brother?

[James Acaster]

No way. I'd go nuts. Yeah.

[Koji]

That's a liberty.

[James Acaster]

I'd love it. Huh.

[Koji]

I'm a celebrity record.

[James Acaster]

No, I'll go nuts. I wouldn't jump out the plane.

[Koji]

Oh, yeah.

[James Acaster]

But I forget this. You would.

[Ed Gamble]

But early.

[James Acaster]

Early. Yeah. I'll be like, yeah, goodbye. Goodbye.

[Koji]

When it's like, still basically toe touching distance from the floor, he's like, yeah, I'm off.

[James Acaster]

Do you reckon I'd do it if it was like. I think I've said this before. If. If they were like, the other people who were going in are all a bunch of legends who you love to hang out with. Yeah, I'll do it. But it's not. It's always.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Because Joel went on it and he got on with everyone and he had a great time. And then they went, oh, we can't have that happen again.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So they've always tried to make it that there's going to be someone.

[Koji]

Yeah. Someone.

[James Acaster]

And people that you don't get on with. And I'm sleeping on a jungle floor on top of that, and they're feeding me like kangaroo dicks. I'm not gonna enjoy it. There's gonna be none of that.

[Koji]

The more exotic it goes. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Break down in the bake off tent. I'm not gonna do well in. In the jungle with like. Yeah, the JLC or whatever her name is. What's her name? Jim McCarthy. But like. But not JLC. No, that's got it looking chain.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but like it's a mix between gold looking chain and jls.

[T-Mobile/US Cellular Announcer]

Everyone deserves to be connected. T Mobile and US Cellular are joining forces. Our networks are coming together bringing more T mobile coverage all over the country. Switch to T mobile and save up to 20% versus Verizon by getting built in benefits they leave out. Check the math. @tmobile.com switch and now T Mobile is available in a US cellular store near you. Bigger network. The combination of T mobiles and US Cellular's network footprints will enhance the T mobile network's coverage. Savings versus comparable Verizon plans for. Plus the costs of options, benefits plan features and taxes and fees vary. Savings with three plus lines include third free line. Free via monthly bill credits, credit. Stop if you cancel any lines. Qualifying credit required.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Okay. I have to tell you, I was just looking on ebay where I go for all kinds of things I love. And there it was.

[James Acaster]

That hologram trading card. One of the rarest.

[Ed Gamble]

The last one I needed for my set.

[Koji]

Shiny like the designer handbag of my dreams.

[James Acaster]

One of a kind.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Ebay had it.

[Koji]

And now everyone's asking, ooh, where'd you

[James Acaster]

get your windshield wiper? Ebay has all the parts that fit my car.

[Koji]

No more annoying, just beautiful.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Millions of finds, each with a story. EBay, things people love.

[James Acaster]

Your dream drink. We've had a few shout outs for drinks that you like.

[Koji]

Yeah, my dream drink. Plum wine with a spirit. Not like with a. Not with a spirit. What am I talking about? Plum wine and tonic.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Koji]

Had it in Japan.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Yeah. And I got very drunk because it was so delicious.

[Ed Gamble]

So this is. Yeah, in Japan, that sort of sour. The sour plum sort of thing. Umaboshi, I think.

[Koji]

Yeah, you could have it. You could have it. Plain Jane. No, no tonic. But that's the one time where bubbles are allowed to be introduced. A tonic is. Tonic's not sparkling water. Yeah, you know what I mean? I think that's. That's got a bit of a zing to it. You can get all the flower in it now. Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

That's why it's come a long way. Yeah. Like crime.

[Koji]

Yeah, exactly.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, exactly.

[Koji]

Do you know what's annoying me about my. Has anyone else got, like the Google thing in, like, instead of ring doorbells, I feel like I should have just gone, ring doorbell.

[James Acaster]

What's happened?

[Koji]

It just doesn't ever work.

[James Acaster]

You're on your watch and you're getting annoyed. Something's just suddenly happened. For the listener. This isn't a hard edit where we just got into something else. Yeah. This has just happened in real time. The Koji was talking about grime and tonic, and then suddenly everyone else got this Google thing. What was happening there?

[Koji]

It's just. It's just. It never works when I want it to work.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Like yesterday, I really desperately needed to check something.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Couldn't. Kept selling me. Now don't feel like being a camera today. You. You and your dreams.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

And then. And then today, notifications at the wazoo. Someone. Someone's cat is just like jumped on your mailbox.

[Ed Gamble]

Someone's looked at your house.

[Koji]

Yeah. Some of the people from Zoopla are here again taking pictures.

[Ed Gamble]

This is why we need to get rid of the Apple watch.

[Koji]

You don't like Apple watches?

[Ed Gamble]

No. We got enough notifications coming through.

[Koji]

Right. You're right. You're right. They get. I got. This was a gift.

[Ed Gamble]

All right, fair enough. All right, I'll take one if anyone's offering.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah.

[Koji]

I was against them, so it was free.

[James Acaster]

So what is it like a camera that's on your door that just films everything?

[Koji]

You don't have a ring doorbell camera?

[James Acaster]

No.

[Koji]

You're a different kind of rich then. You got snipers. You got people on the roof.

[Ed Gamble]

James lives next door to a detective, so.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do, actually.

[Koji]

He has a train detective.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Koji]

What's any trouble?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, I can talk Al. Talk to the owl.

[Koji]

That'd be cool, though. If you just get home and just do this at your doorstep and. Ow.

[Ed Gamble]

That's what we all want.

[Koji]

And you go, what happened today? Good looking out.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

The thing is that would suggest that if you had a pet owl who looked out for everything, that you'd ever leave your house. Because if I had a pet out flying around looking at stuff, I'd just sit there and watch the owl.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Just be like, you'd never see me again.

[Koji]

Yeah, just do it. You could do like a whole segment with the owl. Yeah. Just put a little GoPro on his chest. I'll get up to in a. In a day. So I was lifelike.

[James Acaster]

That would be good. Let me have some more wholesome thing to watch on YouTube.

[Koji]

Yeah, I watch all kinds of stuff on YouTube.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I train my how to attack Karen's with the GoPro on be good. And then that's making top five Karens, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Yes, it would. If one of her got attacked by an owl, it would make by owl. So that's like the staircase, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

They thought she was attacked by an owl. Yeah, well, they didn't think it was the defense.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

We're saying that at one point, even though no one else believed she was attacked by an owl. There's no way, you know, but it was like the people defended her husband were like, oh, we think she was on top of the stairs and then the window was open and an owl flew in and put its talons in her head and that made her stagger back and then she fell down the stairs because we found these marks in her head that we think must have been owl talons.

[Koji]

Imagine going into court that day. Where is that? Imagine being in Streatham.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

And someone's defense being like, yeah, going to tap right now.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, you know, you've run out of, you know, you have no defensive and owls popping in.

[Koji]

You know you've done it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

You've done the crime.

[James Acaster]

If you're going into court going, okay, this is, this is our last chance. We're gonna claim it was an owl.

[Koji]

This is all I've got. This is what I've got left.

[James Acaster]

I think, you know, this guy's gonna go to prison for this. Was like, but we've got a career to uphold after this.

[Koji]

And we've got a crime committing owl on the loose.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

How do we rip them on that?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

If, if they believe that. Yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

Someone's got to go down for that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, that would be good. It's like the next case is like the owl. And weirdly, they have been hired as the lawyers.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Same people now defending the owl.

[Koji]

That'd be good. I love watching, I love watching court stuff nowadays. Yeah, that's my entertainment. Seriously, I'm into it.

[James Acaster]

Like you watch real life court.

[Koji]

Yeah, I'm into it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

I want to know what's going on in there. Yeah, tell me about it.

[James Acaster]

Is it fun now?

[Koji]

The crimes are horrific, but like, but you know, I mean, it's, it's more. I like watching the defense lawyers. I think that is hilarious A little bit.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

You know when you just got. Someone banged her. Rats. Oh, we done it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

On the stairs with the spatula. Two o' clock all day. Like we all saw Him.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

So, I mean. And they've still got to go in and just think of something.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

No, no.

[Ed Gamble]

And how about. Yeah, he didn't.

[Koji]

He didn't do it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

But now, did it? No, no. He was possessed.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

His dog told him to do it. Al told him to do it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Would you be a good defense lawyer, do you think?

[Koji]

If it was my brethren, it was my friend. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

What if Ed got in trouble for sending a nail to attack a Karen?

[Koji]

Oh, I could get him off from that. Yeah. Easy. Yeah, easy.

[Ed Gamble]

Even if I filmed it and put it on my YouTube channel, we would

[Koji]

play it in court. We'd play it in court.

[Ed Gamble]

We play it and I'd still get.

[Koji]

That was. Yeah, that was the defense. I'd be like.

[Ed Gamble]

And the beginning of the tape is literally me looking right into the camera on the owl, going.

[James Acaster]

Going to go and attack a Karen now.

[Ed Gamble]

And then I let it go and it attacks the Karen who sat there in the court with all scratches on her face. And you, as my defense lawyer are going to get me off because I put a video out saying, top five, Karen's being attacked by owls.

[Koji]

No, because what we're going to do. What we're going to do. Okay. Is we're going to. Because obviously the bit that went viral is.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

That's horrible. Obviously.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

But what people didn't see is the Karen being a Karen.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, of course.

[Koji]

So we just put the first five minutes, like, five minutes prior to her being.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Done in by the hour.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

We just show what she was doing. Everyone's gonna.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

And it's gonna be long. And we just showed a whole five minutes without even getting into character to, like, throw herself on the bonnet.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Yeah. Like, midway through the video, everyone's gonna be thinking, I can't wait for her to get hit by.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

Yeah.

[Koji]

This Al.

[Ed Gamble]

And there's a reason the video has gone viral. Right. So they love it in the court. They'll all be applauding and stuff.

[Koji]

Can't wait. And then there you go, your honor.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Instant karma.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Boom. Al comes in. Two piece combo.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

She's none the wiser at first. Then she tries to fight back, which then we can now say that Al had to use more force because she was.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Peter Griffin.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Not guilty.

[Koji]

Yeah. Let him go.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Ed and I pretended to be YouTubers once before we. Before we started doing off menu.

[Koji]

I was gonna say this is on YouTube. Yeah. They're technically YouTubers.

[Ed Gamble]

We're YouTubers.

[James Acaster]

We're Youtubers now. We finally got it, you know? Years and years.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But, like, just before we did Off Menu, we were gonna do a funny YouTube thing where we were gonna pretend to be. Yeah. The people who watch, like, TV shows and have fan theories about it. We're gonna be trying to be fan favorites called Ed Gamble and Jamie. And we filmed a load at Ed's house in one go. But then neither of us knew how to edit it, so we just never put it online. But I remembered one of them this week because my mum came over and she'd never seen Westworld before. And I was. I was resting up, I couldn't talk, so I was like, we'll just watch something. I knew she'd like. Season one of Westworld.

[Koji]

I've never seen one.

[James Acaster]

So I put it on. And then I. And I remembered. Oh, yeah, me and edited that Ed Gambled and Jamie thing where we talked to the camera and we had a theory about Westworld that when Ben Barnes gets. This is a spoiler. But I was gonna say Ben Barnes gets put naked on a horse.

[Koji]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

And they slap the. And then the person doing it to him slaps the horse's butt and. And Ben Barnes goes off into Westwood. Into Westwood, just never to be seen again.

[Koji]

Right.

[James Acaster]

And we had a fan theory that. That Ben Barnes, the horse, and that's how Mr. Tumnus is born. And it's just. And it's just us. It's just us. The whole video was.

[Ed Gamble]

I can't believe we never released this. We had very different careers now.

[James Acaster]

We had caps on like this, and we were going like, is that gambler Jamie? And we're like, ben Barnes, that horse. We kept on saying, like, there's no way. The amount of times we kept saying, like, bedpods, that horse?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

All the time.

[Ed Gamble]

We did one for Stranger Things as well. That's. How long ago did a Stranger Things

[James Acaster]

word about the Upside Down. I can't remember what that one is, but the. The Westworld one was the one. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

We'd be very different, you know, probably wouldn't be sat here now.

[Koji]

Well, I'm glad you didn't put it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Because we would have been like, Mr. Beast.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Mr. And Mr. Beast.

[Koji]

Because that would have taken off and then that's. Now you're like, yeah, yeah. I mean, everyone's gonna be like, say the thing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

That horse.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Koji]

Gamble. Real last name.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Wow.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Gamble and Jamie.

[Koji]

That is a great last name.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a good one. I'm happy with It.

[Koji]

I don't know if I could have a doctor called Dr. Gamble. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

No, yeah. It's not. It's not a good name, is it? Yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

Lawyer. Same thing you don't want.

[Ed Gamble]

You get one and you want certainty with those. Yeah. I would have to change my name if I was a doctor or a lawyer.

[Koji]

100. Or go with the middle one.

[Ed Gamble]

Stevenson. Which does sound like lovely.

[James Acaster]

Dr. Stevenson. Yes, lovely. I'll show him everything.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Your dream dessert.

[Koji]

Oh, yeah. Who's hungry?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

One of you is hungry.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah.

[Koji]

You didn't eat breakfast.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I had some Rice krispies and bananas together.

[Koji]

One go.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I like not insane bowl. No, no. I ate a couple of bananas and then had a bowl of Rice Krispies.

[Ed Gamble]

Rice Krispies.

[James Acaster]

I love Rice Krispies so much.

[Ed Gamble]

41.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I'm 40.

[Koji]

Yeah. Don't age me.

[James Acaster]

I'm 41 in a month and nine days.

[Koji]

Oh, when's this coming out, Benito?

[James Acaster]

I'll be 41 when this goes out. Okay, fine. Well, when this goes out, who knows? I might have got over my Rice krispie face.

[Koji]

I had cereal for the first time and ages the other.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

What'd you have?

[Koji]

It was a protein suit. I'm trying to.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which one?

[Koji]

I think it's called surreal.

[Ed Gamble]

Surreal. Yeah, yeah. You're either going surreal or grandma crunch. Those are the two options.

[Koji]

Bodybuilder cereals out there.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Grandma Crunch.

[Koji]

I keep derailing this whole show. Sorry.

[James Acaster]

It's okay, it's okay.

[Koji]

My dream dessert. Yeah. Is it's not sparely a dream, but to be honest, it's the only one that I like like that. Yeah. Is a sticky tough, sticky tough, sticky toffee pudding.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So you're not much of a dessert guy.

[Koji]

I feel like that makes me a connoisseur of desserts.

[James Acaster]

Go on.

[Koji]

Because it's like. Because it's like the rest of them are a bit faffy. I'm. I'm there now. It's the end of the meal.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

My stomach is going nuts.

[Koji]

Yeah, you're hungry, brother. And you do a podcast about eating food.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

It's just self harm.

[James Acaster]

Here's what's really bad. After we said earlier, I need a wiener. I know he's gonna get annoyed. It's dessert.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, it's the. It's the end now, so hold it. Yeah, well, that'd be funny from what we talked about the beginning before it

[James Acaster]

was gonna be me trousers. We've got another guest after this now. I've got to go to meal and then I've got to go to a gig.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, look, just hold it in.

[Koji]

Yeah?

[James Acaster]

Jesus. Okay.

[Koji]

Ice cream on a sticky toffee pudding.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Adds another level of, like, danger.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Vanilla.

[Koji]

Gotta get that quick.

[James Acaster]

Vanilla ice cream.

[Koji]

Yeah, it has to be.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

Nothing too exotic because then it just

[Ed Gamble]

turns into custard on top, basically.

[Koji]

Yeah. And then it's just all nasty.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

I feel like the rest of them are a bit too faffy. Do you know what I mean? They're just arguably, it's just lots of versions of cream.

[Ed Gamble]

James, what have you got to say about this?

[James Acaster]

All the desserts, as a dessert, all

[Ed Gamble]

the desserts, versions of cream.

[James Acaster]

I would absolutely rip Koji apart for this, but I need to piss so badly that I'll just say you're right.

[Koji]

No, I don't care.

[James Acaster]

Everything's just a version of cream.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

The world to me right now is either cream or piss. That's all I can really think about. So, yeah, this is the way to

[Ed Gamble]

stop James getting angry on the podcast is make sure he was ill before and lost his voice. So he can't shout papadoms of bread and his bladder full of piss.

[James Acaster]

It's full of piss. And if I shouted or got angry, it would just all erupt out of me and then.

[Ed Gamble]

Were you going for a meal?

[James Acaster]

Huh?

[Ed Gamble]

You said you're going for a meal.

[James Acaster]

Going to Hoppers.

[Koji]

Oh, nice.

[Ed Gamble]

But I'm not invited.

[James Acaster]

Well, because you're not coming to the gig I'm going to.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And I never found out about this gig and I wish I was invited to that.

[James Acaster]

But you like Cameron Winter.

[Ed Gamble]

I do.

[James Acaster]

Since when?

[Ed Gamble]

I enjoyed the album. I told you. I know. I'm by the phone.

[Koji]

Koji, you received.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Days turn into months. Months turn into. Yeah, it is. Well, sticky toffee pudding is a delicious way to end it. And it's the only dessert that is not a version of cream.

[Koji]

Yeah, I think so. What's tiramisu? Really?

[Ed Gamble]

Gas cream, Coffee cream.

[Koji]

Right, then.

[James Acaster]

I mean, yeah, it's unfair to pick that one, but, yeah,

[Koji]

gorgeous cream.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

Gorgeous cream in different solid states.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

To be fair, Trifle, Trifle dust cream. Cream.

[James Acaster]

Today I had to choose.

[Koji]

No, it's all right. No, focus. Laser in.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Today I had to choose my meal for a wedding I'm going to next year.

[Ed Gamble]

What were his wedding news?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, no, him. I got for him and kept him. I just used dessert and it was between sticky toffee pudding and A cheesecake.

[Koji]

And you made the right choice, Right?

[James Acaster]

I chose the cheesecake because the groom, when he was at the tasting. Dessert. Tasting thing, had texted me going, this is the most incredible dessert I've ever had. And I felt like if I don't choose it, he's gonna think that I don't respect his opinion.

[Koji]

Cheesecake is basically just cream.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's true.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Maybe cream of the base.

[Ed Gamble]

What are you gonna do if you get there? And when he said cheesecake, he means, like at weddings, when it's just, like, piles of cheese and they arrange it like a cake. So it's. You've chosen the cheese course, essentially.

[Koji]

What are you gonna do? Like a shark victory board.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Well, it's his day, so I've just got to be all right with that. I've got to pretend that I like it and that it's okay.

[Koji]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

But I will be angry.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I will carry that resentment out of the wedding and into our friendship moving forward.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. As you should.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

You gotta, like, just. Yeah. Make sure anytime you invite him somewhere his plate is different from everyone else's.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Make sure you need a piss because then you can't shout him.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I'll have to make sure the whole wedding. I need a piss.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So that I'm on my best behavior. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Koji]

It works.

[James Acaster]

Tony Blair used to make sure he needed a piss before every speech. Yeah. He would drink loads so that he needed to piss, and then it meant that he focused in the speech. That's. That's what he said. He really focus.

[Ed Gamble]

Is that why he moved his hands around so much?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Because he's, like, so desperate for a piss.

[James Acaster]

So desperate for it.

[Ed Gamble]

You know when you need a piss and you can feel it in your fingers and your teeth?

[Koji]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't. I. I don't remember a prime minister before Tony Blair.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I remember one.

[Koji]

I know that. From, like, history books.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

How old are you?

[Koji]

31 now.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I guess Blair would be the OG for you.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

I can't remember. I'm 32. I'm 32. I'm gonna be 33 next year when this goes out. I'm 33. When this goes out.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you. Rice Krispies? No, no, because there's kids on the bottom.

[James Acaster]

They're delicious. Pop aren't kids.

[Ed Gamble]

Of course they are. What are they? How old are they?

[James Acaster]

They're like pixies or something.

[Ed Gamble]

No. We get to an age where you can't eat something with kids on the box.

[James Acaster]

They're like. They're like little wood imps. I think they're wood elves or something.

[Ed Gamble]

Maximum 14 max.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, they're wood elves.

[Ed Gamble]

They're not wood elves.

[Koji]

Even in the grand scheme of their year, let's say, if they lived longer than the average human being. I still feel in the portion of life that they. On that box.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. Because they're not. They might be older now.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But when they. When they did the photos.

[Koji]

Yeah. When they did that, they was. They was. They was teens.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It tastes delicious either way. So it's not exactly like a. Kids, like, I'd say, like cocoa pops as a kid's.

[Koji]

It's because it's. There's a sensory element to it that makes it childish.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

What, the snap, the crackle in the pot.

[James Acaster]

Well, that was the thing, actually. When my mum was staying over watching Westworld, I got myself a big bowl of Rice Krispies.

[Koji]

All she could hear is you.

[James Acaster]

And I walked in the living room and she hadn't been around a bowl of Rice Krispies for ages, because she hadn't, you know, and she. And she. Her face lit up and she went, they still make the noise. And I was like, what did you think, though? That it doesn't make the noise anymore. And she was like, listen to it. It's still making the noise. And I was like, mom, it's not. It's like a natural phenomenon. It's not something that they put into it. It's a natural phenomenon.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, you think they just found them on the floor one day and when those make noise, put them in a box.

[James Acaster]

Well, they did. They just discovered that when you put milk on them, they snap on the crust. They didn't go, let's make it snap, crackle and pop. Let's take out the pocket.

[Ed Gamble]

I see what you mean now by natural phenomenon.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

That's not for your mum. Because, you know, a lot of things change in the world, right. And it's nice to know that when you get older, there are some things you can rely on. Like snap, crackle and pop. That's lovely.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. It was pitiful how much her face lit up. Read your menu now, see how you feel about it. You would like. Oh, you would like still water, but also a sorrel and ginger.

[Koji]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You would like Turkish bread from.

[Koji]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Starter. You'd like oxtail croquette from Smokestack and a paloma and a chibab and a plantain.

[Koji]

Thank you.

[James Acaster]

Main course, whole grilled turn, tilapia stuffed with vegetables. Garlic, Scotch bonnet, herbs. Etc. Vibes, vibes, Vibes. Side dish, surf roast potatoes from Ireland. Drink. Plum wine and tonic. Dessert, sticky toffee pudding with vanilla ice cream. How do you feel about that?

[Koji]

I think that sounds brilliant.

[Ed Gamble]

That is a really good menu.

[Koji]

I think that sounds good. Yeah, that sounds like. Now, please. Yeah, you know what I mean?

[Ed Gamble]

Now, please.

[Koji]

Now, please.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, now please. Obviously I forgot to mention that, you know, everyone's running past you on the beach and all of that stuff.

[Koji]

Everyone's running past thunder, lightning. Montoya.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Montoya. It's.

[Koji]

It's a proper, like. Good. Check it out. Yeah, it's so good. I'm. I could play it to you off cam.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, we'll watch. We'll watch it off cam.

[James Acaster]

We'll watch it off cam.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. But not before James has gone for a piss.

[James Acaster]

I don't need one anymore. Yep. It just suddenly subsides.

[Ed Gamble]

Is it just so back into your body?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I think maybe like talking about Rice Krispies or something to sort it out.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Koji]

Puts you in a happy place. Zen.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, kind of just like. I'm kind of chilled out again now. I'm all right.

[Ed Gamble]

Koji, thank you very much for coming to the Dream restaurant.

[Koji]

No worries. Thank you for having me.

[James Acaster]

There.

[Ed Gamble]

We are a great chat with Koji. Lots of food chat, but mainly chat about a Spanish reality television show. James, I love.

[James Acaster]

I love having TV shows described to me that I've not seen.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

By someone who absolutely loves the show.

[Ed Gamble]

Loves the show.

[James Acaster]

Really, really great stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

Took us ages to get to the heart of what he was talking about.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, sure. I was confused.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I've, you know, I've. Obviously, as soon as we finished recording. Yeah, we watched the clip and it's amazing.

[James Acaster]

It's a fantastic clip. And I'm sure if you haven't already watched it. Yeah, just watch it now. Yeah, yeah, it's really good. It is worth it. And Koji didn't say tin potatoes, of course. So we can. We can promote his gig at the Royal Albert hall again on the 20th of May.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, do go and see that. He is brilliant.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely fantastic. Listen to all of his music. Watch Taskmaster New Year's treat that he did as well. Why not watch this on YouTube? Of course.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Sneakily filmed it and put it on YouTube and if you don't watch it, it's gonna get sad. So watch it there.

[Ed Gamble]

He always. He secretly films it. He's got like little. Little cameras everywhere.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

He films through meta glasses as well. Yeah, yeah. To go on YouTube, you have to look up Benito's grubby little perv shots. Oh, that's what it's called.

[James Acaster]

That's what you have to Google, I'm afraid. Yeah, put search that on YouTube.

[Ed Gamble]

Benito's grab your little pair of shots.

[James Acaster]

Yes. If it doesn't come up, second try just off my new podcast.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I'll tell you what, Benito. I'm not setting foot in your bunker.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

Captured from every angle.

[James Acaster]

He doesn't want a bunch.

[Ed Gamble]

What? You just want to have the flesh flow from your bones.

[James Acaster]

Stop saying that phrase.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, who doesn't want to be in a boat nuclear. If there's nuclear explosion.

[James Acaster]

Stop saying to people you want to have the flesh fight for. It's like the. The flesh flesh. The flesh slide for flayed the oh my goodness flesh played from your bones. Yeah, stop saying that to people. I don't know how you're even doing it, to be honest.

[Ed Gamble]

Thanks for listening. We'll be back again. Bye bye.

[T-Mobile/US Cellular Announcer]

Everyone deserves to be connected. T Mobile and US Cellular are joining forces. Our networks are coming together bringing more T mobile coverage all over the country country switch to T Mobile and save up to 20 versus Verizon by getting built in benefits they leave out. Check the math@t mobile.com switch and now T mobile is available in a US cellular store near you bigger network. The combination of T mobiles and US Cellular's network footprints will enhance the T mobile network's coverage savings versus comparable Verizon plans plus the costs of options, benefits, plan features and taxes and fees vary. Savings with three plus lines include third free line free via monthly bill credits credit stop if you cancel any lines. Qualifying credit required.

[Adam Grant]

Hey, this is Adam Grant, host of ted's podcast Rethinking with Adam Grant. Let me share with you why smart finance leaders turn to Bill. They know that clarity isn't just helpful, it's strategic. As the intelligent finance platform, Bill uses AI to automate the busy work for nearly half a million businesses so they can focus on intentional growth, eliminate the friction and start scaling with the proven choice. Visit bill.com proven to talk with an expert about automating your business finances and get a $250 gift card as a thank you. That's bill.com proven terms and conditions apply. See offer page for details.

[James Acaster]

Hey, it's Howie Mandel and I am inviting you to witness history as me

[Koji]

and my Howie do it gaming team

[James Acaster]

take on Gilly The King Wallow 267's million dollars gaming in an epic Global

[Adam Grant]

Gaming League video game showdown. Four rounds, multiple games, one winner, plus

[James Acaster]

a halftime performance by multi platinum artist Travy McCoy. Watch all the action and see who

[Adam Grant]

wins and advances to the championship match

[James Acaster]

against Neo right [e-mail] that's globalgamingleague.com everybody games. Hey, I'm Alison Spittle. And I'm Fern Brady and you might remember us both from our episodes of Off Menu. I think in my episode I got very angry when I ordered toast in a restaurant and was presented with hot bread and then told that that was the nature of sourdough, that it simply doesn't toast as a bread.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

And I said that I take it in the hand and the mouth like communion.

[James Acaster]

Did you?

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

I did.

[James Acaster]

That kind of brings us on to the topic of our new podcast, Ignore that Feeling, a show by two ex Catholic girls who have never learned to acknowledge a single emotion ever.

[Sarah Gibson Tuttle]

And the podcast is out every Tuesday

[James Acaster]

starting Tuesday 10th February. So please listen and subscribe.