Laura Smyth

Summary

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster

Guest: Laura Smyth
Date: July 22, 2026
Episode Theme: Laura Smyth joins Ed and James in the Dream Restaurant to construct her ultimate meal and engage in a lively, comedic discussion about food, family, culture, and everyday joys and grievances.

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Episode Overview

Comedian Laura Smyth enters the “Dream Restaurant” to share her dream meal and explore the rituals, mishaps, and pleasure of food, family, and festivities. Alongside Ed Gamble and James Acaster, Laura’s choices spark deep dives into food nostalgia, culinary hacks, the art of hospitality, the science of anger on public transport, and the joy of "both" (never choosing between custard or ice cream). The conversation is a blend of heart, humor, and genuine gourmand enthusiasm.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Glastonbury Traditions & Comedy Circuit Camaraderie

• [04:45] Laura reminisces about annual Glastonbury DJ sets with James and Nish Kumar:
  • “I'm usually at the front where I go, guys, you know me as you miss, you know, as you mix Missy Elliot and Natalie and Brulia. And I can still have flashbacks of your mixes. I love it.” – Laura [05:11]
• Ed reveals his preference for smaller festivals and confesses social avoidance at big gatherings.

2. The Joys & Rituals of Hosting and Cooking

• Laura discusses her over-provider tendencies:
  • “I'm from a big family. Do you know what I mean?” [08:46]
• Slow-roasted lamb and batch-cook hospitality:
  • “Get it in at like one in the afternoon if they're coming over in the evening. The house smells of that lamb for hours.” – Ed [08:59]
• Ed’s dream of a “lamb fat candle” and the universally unimportant knowledge of wattle and daub.

3. Food Obsession, ‘Food Noise’, and Cauliflower Cheese Perfection

• Laura’s detailed recipe for cauliflower cheese, incorporating family hacks from Glastonbury 2017:
  • “You want a really strong roux with the strongest extra mature cheddar you can. And then, you know, put that on and then cheese and panko on top. And then, you know, you get full on Marmi. No wateriness. It's amazing and all that.” – Laura [11:18]
• The group agrees that food joy is a gift, not a burden.

4. Podcasting, Legacy, and Language

• Discussion about “legacy podcasts” and attracting the “retronym” label:
  • “A retronym is when… you didn't need the word analog until you got this sort of a digital clock… it’s when something is renamed on account of what comes after it. Used to be an English teacher. There you go.” – Laura [14:41]

5. “Shouldn’t Laugh, But…”—Comedy from the Internet’s Wild Side

• Laura describes her own podcast:
  • “We try and find little niche corners of the Internet that make us laugh… we're finding the woman gets her hands bitten off by a shark doing a selfie in Turks and Caicos.” – Laura [15:21]
• Ed’s guilty pleasure: top five “Karen” videos on YouTube Shorts.

6. On Being ‘Aggy’ and Embracing Your Nature

• Origins of Laura’s “Born Aggie” tour:
  • “And she said, and this, Laura, this is how we're going to live our life: fighting and dancing. Fighting and dancing. I thought, that's my tour.” – Laura [19:14]
• The futility of transcendental calm for the naturally aggy:
  • “There's any amount of spiritual practice that can overcome your natural instinct to be Aggie. It gets things done.” – Ed [20:36]

7. Trains, Etiquette, and Modern Annoyances

• Group therapy on public transport rage, loud phone users, and “grown-up train” etiquette.

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The Dream Menu (with Commentary)

Water:

• Choice: Still, fresh from a spring at the Burks of Aberfeldy in Scotland – relishing the memory of pure water on family trips. [24:45]

Poppadoms or Bread:

• Choice: Unlimited poppadoms with all the dips, cementing their status as a “no-calorie, crunchy” treat. [26:56]
• Laura admits, “I could eat 29. There is not a limit to the number of poppadoms I will smash.”
• Discussion expands to “chops” (family slang for crunchy bits) and a celebration of beer snacks: Bombay mix, coated nuts, and even the debated big crunchy corn pieces.
  • Notable: The “admin” of pistachios, with Ed and James lamenting pre-shelled pistachios as dangerous for the compulsive snacker. [30:55]

Starter:

• Choice: Prawns in garlic butter, served with bread for dunking (“tunkin,” as her Hungarian sister-in-law calls it—a stage of the meal in its own right). [35:41]
• “The bread is the main stage, actually. That's what we're in it, you know.” – Laura [37:43]

Main Course:

• Choice: Whole soy-roast chicken (Chinese/Vietnamese style), glossy, aromatic, and served on plain boiled rice. [41:09]
• Evocative nostalgia about sibling meal competition:
  • “There was a little bit of, like, elbows at dawn. Like, you ate for seconds. Do you know what I mean?” [42:19]
• Controversial: Not a fan of duck pancakes—“Squeeze ain't worth the juice sometimes.” [44:31]

Side Dish:

• Choice: Chinese “morning glory” (water spinach) with sesame oil and garlic, inspired by a lost-perfect version in Chinatown. [45:12]
• Enthusiastic sidetrack: Fermenting chilies, ginger, and garlic at home for crispy chili oil, to put on “everything from cheese toasties to ice cream.” [48:24, 49:34]

Drink:

• Choice: The most expensive bottle of red wine on the menu—pure curiosity: “I would love to know what a two-thousand-pound wine tastes like.” [53:07]
• If it’s no good: “I would have a vodka martini with a twist.” [54:31]
• Fascination with luxury: debating whether wine price really equals joy, and stories of secret French vineyard runs in white vans. [55:01]

Dessert:

• Choice: Steamed jam sponge with both custard and ice cream. [61:40]
  • “If there was a family crest that a mud maiden's tailor, it'd be both. That's the family. Both.” – Laura [62:05]
• Affogato (espresso over ice cream) as a bonus, especially after a big meal.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Labor of Love in Hosting:

  • “I host a lot of parties because then I'm in the kit. I'm just bringing more. I'm busy.” – Laura [07:46]

• On Pistachio Snack Admin:

  • “The only thing stopping me is the admin... like, pistachios, I sometimes think that admin is the only thing stopping me.” – Laura [30:41]

• On Classic Menus:

  • “I don't want modernity in [old school Italian restaurants]… the candles in one of those bottles of wine with a straw around the bottom.” – Laura [36:26]

• On Loving Food:

  • “The feeling I got when you said 'chicken butter'… is very different to the feeling I get when I think about my wife. They're two different things.” – Ed [40:06]

• On Household Olive Oil Logistics:

  • “I'm decanting it into a squeeze bottle, my olive oil. Because it makes you feel like a chef.” – Ed [47:38]

• On The Power of “Both”:

  • “Both… Oh, everything.” – Laura [62:19]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Glastonbury & Comedy Friends: [03:04–06:34]
• Party Hosting & Over-Provision: [07:19–09:14]
• Family Food Hacks (Cauliflower Cheese, etc.): [10:18–13:38]
• Podcast Legacy & Language: [14:19–15:07]
• Finding Laughs Online: [15:21–18:03]
• Being 'Aggie' & Accepting Self: [19:04–21:16]
• Public Transport Etiquette Rant: [21:19–24:02]
• Dream Menu Introduction: [26:44]
• Snacks, Poppadoms, Bits & Chips: [26:56–33:03]
• Starter: Garlic Prawns & Tunkin’: [35:41–39:44]
• Main: Whole Soy-Roast Chicken, Family Meals: [41:07–45:12]
• Fermented Chili Oil Tangent: [48:09–49:41]
• Dream Wine & Chasing Luxury: [53:07–60:22]
• Dessert: Steam Sponge & ‘Both’ Movement: [61:40–63:54]
• Partner & Family Reflections: [65:13–68:37]

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Episode Tone & Language

The tone is fast-paced, warm, irreverent, and full of culinary curiosity. Laura, Ed, and James chase tangents with zest, mixing tight, funny anecdotes with practical kitchen wisdom and a little self-deprecating nostalgia.

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Final Thoughts

Laura Smyth’s dream meal is a loving, deeply fun homage to overcatering, family chaos, and the little luxury of both nostalgia and grown-up delights. Through culinary deep-dives and comedic asides, Off Menu delivers another rich, relatable feast for food-obsessed listeners—and for anyone who’d rather have “both.”

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“Thank you for letting me have the affogato as well. That's it. Both. It's all about all of them.” – Laura Smyth [69:36]

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For tour dates (“Born Aggie”) and more from Laura Smyth: laurasmith.com
For future Off Menu episodes: plosive.co.uk/shows/off-menu

Transcript

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[James Acaster]

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[Monday.com Ad Team]

This Monday.com ad was created by a team of people and AI agents. Reese, our content agent, wrote the copy based on our best practices, like mentioning Monday.com three times. That was the second. Johnny, our coordination agent, built the timeline and kept everyone aligned. Olivia, our human creative director, stayed in the loop because agents are great, but they don't always know when a joke lands. She had one tell listeners it only takes minutes to build an agent. So minutes. Create your own AI agent. Today on Monday.com.

[Laura Smith]

hey, it's Sydney Sweeney. Sid for short, for summer. I'm in the mood for comfortable. What am I wearing? Where am I going? What's the vibe? The short answer? American Eagle shorts. They're cute and go with everything. They just work. It's Sid for short. An American Eagle for summer. Shop my pics [e-mail].

[Ed Gamble]

Welcome to The Off Menu podcast. Taking the marzipan of conversation, crafting into the imitation fruits of humor, and presenting in a wonderful box with some tissue paper around it, marzipan fruits. Imagine that.

[James Acaster]

That is a gamble. My name is James Egg. House of. Together we own a dream restaurant. And every single week we invite in a guest asking their favorite ever start a main course, dessert side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week, our guest is Laura Smith.

[Ed Gamble]

Laura Smith, a wonderful comedian.

[Laura Smith]

James.

[James Acaster]

Fantastic comic. So funny. Laura and I do Glastonbury every year together.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

It's a fallow year this year, so we won't be doing Glastonbury. So. So therefore Laura's on the podcast.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

But get my annual dose of Laura Smith.

[Ed Gamble]

James can't afford to let his friendships go fallow along with the Glastonbury schedule.

[James Acaster]

That's right. I'm very excited that Laura's coming on.

[Ed Gamble]

You miss Glastonbury, don't you? You put a long drop in your garden. Cause you miss it so much.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I do. And do a big poo in there. And then I go and I sit in. Whoa. I get my phone and I play my favorite bands, but I make sure that I put my phone as far away from me as possible. Like several blocks away.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

And then I watch from really far back in my garden.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

I don't really have a garden, but yeah, it's fun to actually fantasize about having a long drop in my garden. Actually feel quite fancy now.

[Ed Gamble]

Laura is fantastic and she's on tour with her show Born Aggie. That's in the autumn and she's doing the eventum Apollo. James, well worth a visit.

[James Acaster]

Get this though, right? We like Laura, but we will kick her out the dream restaurant if she picks the secret ingredient. Ingredient we deem to be unacceptable. And this week, get this, the secret ingredient is eggy bread.

[Ed Gamble]

Eggy bread born eggy.

[James Acaster]

Eggy bread born eggy. So eggy sounds like eggy. So we've done eggy bread.

[Ed Gamble]

Eggy bread.

[James Acaster]

Pretty good.

[Ed Gamble]

Enjoy.

[James Acaster]

Wonder what you're saying.

[Ed Gamble]

Enjoy this episode. It's the off menu. Menu. Welcome, Laura, to the Dream Restaurant.

[Sarah]

Thank you.

[Laura Smith]

Thank you for having me.

[James Acaster]

Welcome, Laura Smith to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah. Indeed. Thanks for having me.

[Ed Gamble]

Most welcome, of course.

[James Acaster]

Thanks for coming. It's very exciting to have you here.

[Laura Smith]

Thank you.

[James Acaster]

I feel like you and I only really see each other at Glastonbury each year.

[Laura Smith]

We do. I am a huge, huge fan of your comedy But I have to say, when you and Mr. Nish Kumar are DJing, it's a next level fandom.

[James Acaster]

Thank you.

[Laura Smith]

It might be something to do with my altered state at Gaston Free, but you've never quite noticed me. But I'm usually at the front where I go, guys, you know me as you miss, you know, as you mix. Missy Elliot and Natalie and Brulia. And I can still have flashbacks of your mixes. I love it. I love it. And I said to Nish, I said, it's like when the geeks in the common room get the orcs cord. He went, no, it's not like that. It is that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I love seeing these guys dj. It's not enough to make me go to Glastonbury, but.

[James Acaster]

No, no, this guy hates it. This guy.

[Laura Smith]

Download. Download Girl downloads.

[Ed Gamble]

Great. It's the right size, it's the right

[Laura Smith]

bands, it's the right paving.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I'm just not interested. Glastonbury's too big and I'm not interested in any of the bands. I'd say maybe three, but that's not enough for a weekend, is it? And I don't want to get into an altered state.

[Laura Smith]

Laura, you don't want to get into an altered state. But there's something else about Glastonbury. When you play it as a comedian, you could quite happily have your whole weekend just tucked up behind with Charlotte the booker and her crew of hippie legends making you tea. And there's that vibe of like, suppose better go and watch Roger Stewart then going to town. I sometimes think if my whole glass of me was just talking nonsense with other comedians and watching Basil Brush and acaster and Kumar DJing.

[Ed Gamble]

That's true.

[Laura Smith]

I'd go home happy.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Bazalbrush sang Purple Rain last year. What do you think about that? Yeah, but you'd like to have seen that.

[Laura Smith]

Don't get that Download, my friends.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm gonna go now.

[James Acaster]

There you go.

[Laura Smith]

My work here is done. I'm all right, I'm all right. I'll just have a water.

[Ed Gamble]

It is funny watching this to dj because James is so focused on the music. He's got his head down looking at the laptop. And this is out front dancing. And you're like, what is Nish's job here?

[James Acaster]

Oh, he's. You know, there's a lot of times last year, Glassby, I accidentally early on spilled a drink over my. All of my stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. And what a pro.

[James Acaster]

And I was really reliant on Nish to jump in there to Take care of it.

[Laura Smith]

So he's.

[James Acaster]

He's earning his kid.

[Laura Smith]

He's got the blue roll.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

He's dancer and cleaner.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Laura Smith]

It's like watching. I told you, I'm a fan. But when you're watching it, it's like again, you're like, I wanna. I need to know where the line of artifice is here. Because they're feeling this. They are Run DMC in this movie.

[James Acaster]

We are. It's all real. It's all real. It's the most. Most real I've ever been.

[Ed Gamble]

But I think DJs. And you can correct me if I'm wrong in the same way, why I barbecue. So you've got something to get on with and you don't need to speak to people.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Giraffe Wallow]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Thank you for saying this. I host a lot of parties because then I'm in the kit.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

I'm just bringing more. I'm busy.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Laura Smith]

It's a social awkwardness.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, it totally is. Stay busy. You don't need to speak to your guests. And then by the time it's finished and everyone's like, oh, we'll all have a chat now. No, I've got to do the. Got to do the washing up now.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry, I'd love to. I love the way I went. Oh, my God. James Acaster might be socially awkward. I'm bringing all the tea today.

[Ed Gamble]

What a revelation.

[James Acaster]

What are your signatures at parties when you're cooking in the kitchen, when you're making vol au vents, you said, and stuff like that. What you got going on?

[Ed Gamble]

That was a smoothie.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, that was really good.

[James Acaster]

We're into food.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah. Oh, I love, I love, I love anything which is just like. Oh, you know, if there's loads of people over, like give you a good few, like roast chickens or things that they can take, like a slow roasted lamb. Do you follow that? Malize cooks on Instagram, mate. She's the queen of the slow roasted lamb.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

The reverse sear meat. You know, anything that you want to get into. Yeah, I just, I'm. I'm an over provider. I'm from a big family. Do you know what I mean?

[Ed Gamble]

So slow roasted lamb is the absolute hack for entertaining, I think.

[Laura Smith]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Get it in at like one in the afternoon if they're coming over in the evening. The house smells of that lamb for hours.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. House is good.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I think I want a candle. I want to light a lamb fat candle. I think that would really so My house always smells of lamb. I'd be so relaxed.

[Laura Smith]

That really alienate the misses

[James Acaster]

living in like a wattle and Dorb house. I think. I think you can do that then.

[Ed Gamble]

No, people don't talk about wattle and daub enough.

[James Acaster]

No. Yeah, I got taught about it in school. I remember, like. Yeah, like in primary school they were like saying about, I don't know, maybe medieval times or something.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, pretty much.

[James Acaster]

And people would build their houses out of wattle and daub. And I thought, that's going to be a.

[Ed Gamble]

It's like hay and mud, basically.

[James Acaster]

Right? Yeah, I thought it was going to be a, you know, something I'd have to remember forever and it would be very important. But I've not only ever encountered Waterlord,

[Laura Smith]

or at least that is, I learned

[Ed Gamble]

about it at the Weald and Downland Museum. I don't know if you've. If you ever There.

[James Acaster]

Is that the festival you go to? No,

[Ed Gamble]

it's like a medieval village, you know, like when they build a medieval village and kids walk around, they go, look at how shit people used to live.

[Laura Smith]

Hey, Caster Silac, I dream of one.

[James Acaster]

I love a wattle and door Save

[Laura Smith]

me from the sinking sand.

[James Acaster]

Oh, man. Are you a foodie? Did you consider yourself much of a foodie?

[Laura Smith]

I am. Do you know what? I was thinking of a bit of a gag the other day because this is leading to Glastonbury, right? I was doing a roast dinner the other day, right, and I realized all my hobs were being used and I thought, oh, got to get the cauliflower on for cauliflower cheese. And then I had this, like, ding memory of my husband's best mate, Jim, telling me about how he does a cauliflower cheese vegetarian. He roasts the cauliflower first, so to get all the moisture out. Because sometimes you want the cauliflower leaves in, but then you can make it watery. So I texted him, I'm going a bit of a Rantoman. I said, you were telling me about how you roast your cauliflower before cauliflower cheese. And then he went right deep into it and he was like, yeah, you need some cumin, you know, a bit of salt, pepper, garlic powder, olive oil. Really slow roast, get all the moisture out. And then you want a really strong roux with the strongest extra mature cheddar you can. And then, you know, put that on and then cheese and panko on top. And then, you know, you get full on Marmi. No wateriness. It's amazing and all that. And I said, oh, thanks, man. And I was thinking, you know how everyone on a Zenpic talks about, I want to stop the food noise. I was like, I need that food noise when I ain't got a hob. I need to remember. And he went, I remember that I told you that in Glastonbury 2017. We were off our nuts. And I was like, that's the food noise I need. I love it. I love food. I wish I didn't as much. I wish I didn't. I don't know people that don't.

[Monday.com Ad Team]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

Because it's so joyous.

[Laura Smith]

It's joyous.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I wouldn't trade loving food for the world. I think it's. Yeah, it's perfect.

[Laura Smith]

It's odd. It's hard to love it.

[James Acaster]

Said it before. We're gonna have to keep eating, so I'd like to love it, please.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

I don't wanna. I don't want to not. Yeah, not like it. But they're like, oh, here we go again. I gotta do this three times today.

[Aura Ad Narrator]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I want to talk more about this cauliflower cheese.

[Laura Smith]

That's what I'm saying.

[Ed Gamble]

Absolutely amazing.

[James Acaster]

It sounds good.

[Ed Gamble]

I love roasted cauliflower is, like, up there for me. Yeah, I absolutely love it. So you're roasting the cauliflower, you're making the roux separately and then mixing it in.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, I did it. I did it the other day and he says cumin seeds, but I knew my kids would be like cumin seeds, so I did a little bit of I, I salt, pepper, olive oil and just let it really slow roast with the leaves and stalk and everything. And then the cumin seeds. The salt. Yeah, I said salt and pepper and cumin. Cumin. I did cumin powder, bit of paprika and garlic powder. Not granules like the powder, which you have to keep in an actual plastic

[Ed Gamble]

jar because that stuff puffs up.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, Right. So, you know, so then that is really good. And then when I made a really thick roux with extra mature cheddar. And so when it coated that and then the topping and breadcrumbs, it. It avoids. Because cauliflower cheese can just be like a bit plentary almost. If you get it, it can just be a bit disappointing. That is how you do it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that sounds so double so.

[Aura Ad Narrator]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Because you got the char on the cauliflower from the rice thing.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I've only just started, like, filming all this.

[Ed Gamble]

Right.

[Laura Smith]

I went boss side.

[James Acaster]

And so, like, I'm really noticing now, like, when you're describing the food, and I was thinking, this sounds delicious. And I got really aware of what my face was doing because it's like this is filming me and I'm just there. I can get away with that during those bits, but now. But it's like papping us all the time.

[Ed Gamble]

So we're sorry about this. When you've mixed the roux and you put the panko on the top, how long are you then putting that in the oven? Because the cauliflower's all cooked already.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, yeah. Well, it's cooked anyway, but just slow to look a bit crispy on the top.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Because then it's just. You've got. I mean, it's an overused word, but it's the best. I mean, it's a mommy. It's a mommy.

[James Acaster]

Arunarama.

[Laura Smith]

That's what we're saying.

[Ed Gamble]

That's not an overused word.

[James Acaster]

That's the most he's ever grilled a. A guest.

[Ed Gamble]

You're not grilling it. That would be crazy. You just burned them.

[James Acaster]

As soon as I said it, I thought, I've left myself wide open.

[Ed Gamble]

You'd burn the breadcrumbs.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Laura Smith]

You're a maverick.

[James Acaster]

Well, I shouldn't laugh, but, hey, it's your podcast. Do you film that one?

[Laura Smith]

We do film that one. We do film it. This is the way now.

[James Acaster]

Make you do that.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, probably.

[Ed Gamble]

We started doing videos, you know, some places started calling audio podcasts legacy podcasts. How awful is that?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

When I started doing podcasts, I was the, you know, at the forefront.

[Aura Ad Narrator]

Yeah, yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Oh, yeah. You're in the trenches, bad boy.

[Ed Gamble]

I was the young guy out there making waves. Then suddenly I'm legacy.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So depressing.

[Laura Smith]

Do you know what that's called? Well, a retronym. A retronym is when. So when you didn't need the word analog until you got this sort of a digital clock. So it's when something is renamed on account of what comes after it. Used to be an English teacher. There you go. Sometimes moments like that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Laura Smith]

I do love that you try and, like, you know, you try and think of more.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah,

[James Acaster]

yeah, yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Well, I know legacy's a word in itself, but you only need the word and the.

[Ed Gamble]

The description until something else has happened. I love that I'm going to use that word.

[James Acaster]

I really do love that. What can you tell the listeners?

[Laura Smith]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Shouldn't laugh, but is with one of my, like, absolute besties. That just makes me laugh, which is a good way to do it. And it's just we try and find little niche corners of the Internet that make us laugh. And I mean, let's face it, it's just every other. It's like every other podcast where it's just being silly and talking nonsense.

[Ed Gamble]

An excuse to have a chat.

[Laura Smith]

An excuse to have a chat. So it's just us, too, and we find it really funny. And she just does make me laugh. We just make each other laugh. So it's that kind of arrogance of like, oh, my God, we're so funny.

[Ed Gamble]

We should record this.

[Laura Smith]

Not for us, for them. They're missing out on his voice, though. So you're mad. So, yeah, it is so funny. And what makes me laugh is that we never run out of things to say. So, you know, we're. We're finding the woman gets her hands bitten off by a shark doing a selfie in Turks and Caicos. You know, we like all that.

[James Acaster]

We like.

[Laura Smith]

We like finding things like that. We like the Louvre heart. Then find out how good looking the.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Fit robbers went into. Fit robbers. We. We like people.

[Ed Gamble]

Hot convicts. That was obviously. That was before you guys started doing the podcast.

[Laura Smith]

That was what it was going to be called.

[Ed Gamble]

Hot convicts. Yeah, Hot convicts.

[Sarah]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

And we like people stealing. Did you see the woman stealing langoustine outside a restaurant? Crime of opportunity.

[James Acaster]

She just did.

[Laura Smith]

But then we found out she took loads more, so we're like, oh, no, she's a cereal tea leaf.

[Ed Gamble]

The problem with some of these funny news stories is then you look into the background of it, it gets quite sad.

[James Acaster]

Oh, I know.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

You know, sometimes we pick things and we're like, oh, no, no, no.

[James Acaster]

This is Ed's favorite stuff on the Internet. He likes top five Karens.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah. Top five Karens. I love.

[Laura Smith]

Tell me more. We've got. We've been accused of being called Karen.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, really?

[Laura Smith]

Literally all we said, we were talking about the fact that Brooklyn Beckham is estranged from the Beckhams. We went. I said, really? He's just Meghan Markle Domini. You got to do your own brand. You got to get away from the royal family. Someone. Why are they bringing hair into it? What pair of old Karens?

[James Acaster]

We like old Karen's.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, I'll take it.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I get a lot of top five Karen's videos on my, like, YouTube shorts. I don't have TikTok. I'm on YouTube shorts. It means I get everything on TikTok. About six.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, maybe you're a bit too rock and roll.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, maybe yeah.

[James Acaster]

This is the thing he speaks the most seriously about is top five.

[Ed Gamble]

So just be a compilation video of, like, the top five Karens, according to the person who's put the video together.

[Aura Ad Narrator]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's not always the same.

[Laura Smith]

Who's your top Karen?

[Ed Gamble]

I like innocent karma Karens.

[Giraffe Wallow]

Oh.

[Laura Smith]

Obviously run off, fall over in their big fat leggings.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

They'll be like bashing on someone's window, saying, you can't park outside my house even though it's free parking on the street. And then they're like, yeah. And then. Yeah, they let leggings all, you know,

[Laura Smith]

trip over their head to get their husband. And the person from the.

[James Acaster]

Just laughing.

[Giraffe Wallow]

Yeah,

[Ed Gamble]

leggings. Or they get hit by a bike or something.

[James Acaster]

It's funny.

[Ed Gamble]

Instant karma. Instant karma, Which I don't think is what karma means necessarily. I think it's quite a sort of like spiritual concept. Right. You know, karma. No, when people started talking about karma, they weren't just like, karen's going to trip over her leggings.

[James Acaster]

No, that was definitely not the original. Was thinking, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's. Yeah, he's no better. Dalai Lama.

[Ed Gamble]

Suck that.

[James Acaster]

He's not a good guy.

[Laura Smith]

That was. That's put me off oysters. I forgot that. So weird.

[James Acaster]

I forgot, mate.

[Laura Smith]

That's what I mean.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Hell, forgot. He did that. Yeah. I was mainly thinking about the time he. He said that women should cheer up and wear makeup. Remember that?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, he did say that.

[Laura Smith]

I'm with him on that.

[James Acaster]

There we go, We've got the dallian and I'm back. You're off on tour as well.

[Laura Smith]

Oh, I am. Thanks for mentioning that.

[James Acaster]

Born Aggie, which is a great, great title. I love the term Aggie. I don't use it enough.

[Laura Smith]

Oh, I tell you what, some words, they're just great, aren't they? And. And it came from. I did my first tour living my best life, and then I. I'd not been well, I've. I'm a cancer survivor and I bumped into a mate and she had. She'd had this mad brain hemorrhage and nearly died. And then she was talking about, like, that we're both on the mend. And she said. And she had her 50th birthday and she danced till sunrise. And she said, and this, Laura, this is how we're going to live our life. Fighting and dancing. Fighting and dancing. I thought, that's my tour. Fighting and dancing. Because it sounds like a night out in East London. And I thought, wicked fighting and dancing. Anyway, did a work in progress in Southend, and this woman on the front row, Deborah, who said, oh, I like my dogs more than my kids. And then these two women next to her went. They were her daughters. So she was. She was gold all night. And then I went. I said, it's just because I'm Aggie. I said it. My life's good. Career, good husband, good kids, good. So still Aggie. She went, oh, my. She goes, I was born Aggie. And I went, all right, that's just born Aggie. Because I think sometimes, you know, you do all the work, then you do all the. I've got a cranial osteopath. I do restorative yoga. I've got a hypnotherapist. I still want to end someone on the Lizzy line.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

I think I'm just gonna embrace it.

[Monday.com Ad Team]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I think you have to. I don't think there's any amount of spiritual practice that can overcome your natural instinct to be Aggie.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

It gets things done.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Those ones are the worst. Like, it's really hard to be on the tube or something and not at some point, get incredibly angry.

[Giraffe Wallow]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Internally.

[Ed Gamble]

Not me.

[James Acaster]

Huh?

[Ed Gamble]

I don't.

[James Acaster]

Literally. You had to get the tube yesterday for the first time in ages, and you were texting me and Ben and saying you were in hell.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Just because the Victoria line decided to stop all the time. And I'm not talking about the normal stops.

[Laura Smith]

Don't get me started on public transport stopping.

[Ed Gamble]

The normal stops I'm fine with. I can live with that. I would prefer it if it just went from the stop I was at to the stop I wanted to go to.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Cool.

[Ed Gamble]

If I could.

[Laura Smith]

Can't just be a car.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

That's what I say when I get on. Be a car. I think there should be a system where whoever is. Like an auction, a blind auction, you put in how much money you're willing to pay, and the person who bids the most goes straight to the stock.

[James Acaster]

So the richest person.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, no, it's. Who's willing to put the money.

[James Acaster]

Yes, the richest person on the. On the trade.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Lady with her freedom pass. You're getting all nan.

[James Acaster]

So that's how you figure,

[Ed Gamble]

you know,

[Laura Smith]

that is how the world works.

[Ed Gamble]

But not on the tube.

[Laura Smith]

Favorite Hank Simpsons quote of all time is like, I want what everyone wants, preferential treatment.

[Ed Gamble]

But no, it kept stopping in between the stops.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And I was getting really. I was getting really. Aggie.

[Giraffe Wallow]

Aggie.

[Ed Gamble]

Really Aggie. I was like getting really hyped up about it and then looking around and obviously these people are all doing this journey every morning they're commuting to work because it was quite early and they're completely relaxed because they're so used to it. They're like reading their book. They're having a great time.

[Laura Smith]

No, they're not having a great time. They're broken.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

They are detached. There's a lot of like. Yeah. Disassociation.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm looking around, being like, we need to. There needs to be a revolution.

[James Acaster]

These doors open and push the Tube. Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Or the bid system. Yeah, or the bid system.

[James Acaster]

Yes, the bid system. Is there a certain type of etiquette on public transport that when it's not followed, your blood boils and you really.

[Laura Smith]

Well, you know what it's gonna be? It's the. I think that money that Mr. Privilege is paying should be to be give out free AirPods to everyone because I do not want to hear your short form content reels. Very loud.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Or anyone that talks on. Just don't talk.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't talk.

[Laura Smith]

I mean, if you're on like a big train. Big tree. Not a little train,

[Ed Gamble]

grown up train.

[Laura Smith]

If you're on with like, oh, this is Karen's. But you know when you're. If you get on a train and people like. If you're returning from a gig in the morning and from some hole in the nowhere. No, no, I like everywhere I gig. Right. Obviously. But then they're going into town, they're going back to London and it's there, they've got the. The long flowy dresses on, the denim jackets and some designer trainers and they're all on the Prosecco. Why are you talking? Yeah, I don't care. You're not funny. I hate you.

[Ed Gamble]

I also, I would jet and this. I would ban alcohol on trains because I think it just makes people talk really loudly. No, they turn it into a picnic and I'm not happy about it.

[Laura Smith]

Well, you. Yes. But you know why? It's because, like, you might gig in bright and jump on the train back to London weather.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

And you're so stone cold. So. Because you're just run wet from your buggy and everyone is off there and you're like. You see it and you go. It's the ugliest when you're sober. Yeah, I. Yeah. Yes. Or drink. You drink.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, I drink. Yeah. I get pissed before every drink. Yeah, yeah. That's also an option, I suppose.

[James Acaster]

Problem solved.

[Ed Gamble]

Problem solved.

[James Acaster]

We Always start with still. A sparkling water. Do you have a preference?

[Laura Smith]

Oh, yeah, still. Yeah, still. What about tap water? Just keep it, like, to me, that is why I spend money on that. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It's a. Like, if he's having tap water, where's the best tap water in the country?

[Laura Smith]

Probably like, yeah, Yorkshire Dale's. You know when you go, oh, my husband's from North Yorkshire, you go up to Yorkshire and then you wash your hair and you're like, what are these bubbles? What's going on? Because I'm a hard water girly all my life and you can't believe how nice it is. So, yeah. And once I was in. Actually, I might change to Scotland for my cousin married a Scottish girl and we were in the Burks of Aberfeldy, which Robert Burns wrote about, and I drunk water from a real spring. That's well nice.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. It's mad, isn't it, when you do that?

[James Acaster]

Actually, I can have that if you want.

[Laura Smith]

Springs from the Burks of Aberfeld. It'll probably get people writing in going, there isn't a spring there. That was a puddle you did. But no.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, unreal. If you drunk out of a puddle. If it turns out you got tricked and drunk out of a puddle, that'll be, what a twist to the episode.

[Laura Smith]

Well, there are real springs in Yorkshire. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I think I, like, literally put my. We were walking Yorkshire Dales and I put my water bottle under, like, a waterfall thing and drank the water. It was amazing.

[James Acaster]

You did?

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You don't think I do that?

[James Acaster]

No, I don't think you would do that.

[Ed Gamble]

Why not?

[James Acaster]

Not Ed Gamble. I think you would go, that's disgusting.

[Monday.com Ad Team]

River water.

[Ed Gamble]

I was younger than. I was younger then.

[Laura Smith]

I was less neurotic.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Laura Smith]

But the.

[Ed Gamble]

I wasn't crusted over by the light.

[Laura Smith]

I am, like, because I was born and raised in East London, I am like a dog out window when I'm in the. In countryside.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

My husband jokes for me that he goes, because I don't know what a, like, village, county, but they go, he says, there's only two places in the UK for Laura, London and not London. You're like, oh, it's all right, calm down. Yeah, we get it. You're in not London.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Laura Smith]

I love it. And like, there's a lot of Robin Hood, Prince of Fees film there. So you know the scenes of those. Those are. Those waterfalls as well. It's magic, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

That's funny when you know that something's filmed there as well, when you get told such and such was filmed here and like for some reason it does change how you kind of like interact with it when you know that Robin Hood was filmed here and that like Costum must have been walking around there.

[Ed Gamble]

Costner walked on this ground.

[James Acaster]

Costner probably took a piss up a tree.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Between the spring.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, that's why. Yeah, that's why the cafe can sell their sausage rolls.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Curse you, Kevin.

[James Acaster]

Well, that sounds great. And you just want it straight out the spring. So we start within the, within the dream restaurant. You got that spring there in Scotland and you're gonna lap out of that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Yes. That sounds wicked.

[James Acaster]

Pop ups or bread? Pop knobs or bread. Laura Smith popping up or bread.

[Laura Smith]

Oh, I feel like another answer I'm. I give is going to contradict this, but I'll get to it. I'm gonna go Papa doms.

[Giraffe Wallow]

Right?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Because papa doms for me are firmly in the category of things that just do not have calories. You know, I mean they're so light, you know what I mean? So then I could eat 29. There is not a limit to the number of papa Doms. I will smash. I love it all. I love tieabs in Whitechapel, you know, and it's just like endless madness and I'm just like, I love it, I love it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, unlimited.

[Laura Smith]

Oh, unlimited. I think if you, you know when people like. Oh yeah, unlimited. Crunchy, crunchy, crunchy. I want everything on it all at once. And if that was going to be another question, I've listened to the pod, but yeah, I love them. I love papa doms. I love bits, little bits. I love bits.

[Ed Gamble]

I love little bits.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, just bits, Bits. When my oldest, she's like in her 20s, but she invented the word chops because she just anything, snacks or crunchy or anything was just. She's a little two year old, like chops. So we still use it in the family. Like can I anything. You're like, I'll just get some. Yeah, just beer and chips. Or I'll stop for some beer and chips. And it just means everything. The crunch, the popper, dom, anything. Because Brazilians do that, don't they? Like my friend. Like Brazilians love texture, contrast. Don't they say anything? It's like, well, I'll crunch this onto them. They're putting everything to make sure there's that going on. And I'm.

[Ed Gamble]

Texture is so important and I think beer and chips is perfect.

[Laura Smith]

Perfect.

[Ed Gamble]

I can't have a beer without chipsies.

[Laura Smith]

No, you can't have a beer without chips.

[Sarah]

Wow.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Beer and chips in front of the telly. Hello.

[James Acaster]

What's your favorite chips with beer?

[Laura Smith]

Bombay Mix or.

[James Acaster]

Oh, no, Bombay Mix. We haven't really had that come up very much on the pod. The Bombay Mix.

[Laura Smith]

It's a sort of family love, a family legend about it. My mum was doing a sort of counseling therapy course and all this, and she said, you know what we had to do? We had to list things we're grateful for. And my sister Sarah, who's almost like. I know she'd never have her, like, if you even go, how you doing? You happy? She go, don't start all that. So we always thought, oh, that's nice, let's. This grateful thing. She went. Sarah went, do you know what? I'm so grateful they don't label the calories on Bombay Mix. And it's like, yeah, it's bottom.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that was the first thing, the only thing. So you're a Bombay Mix family.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You're all addicted to the Bombay Mix,

[Laura Smith]

but there's all sorts of variations on Bombay Mix, isn't there, like all different. Different sort of charts going on? I love it.

[James Acaster]

What, what are your favorite, though? I remember my dad used to really be into it. And the little crunchy noodles, the little sticks. Probably my highlights.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Personally, because you can get them just the crunchy noodles, can't you?

[James Acaster]

Can you?

[Laura Smith]

Can you straight? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that'd be. But I do, I did love bad ones. Like, I love coated nuts. Like they call them, like.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Like beer nuts and they.

[Aura Ad Narrator]

Where they.

[Laura Smith]

Like that crunchy, spicy coat on a nut.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, for me, beer and nuts is like, that's my go to roast. The salted nuts is the. Is the ultimate chips. But yeah, those coated ones are pretty good as well. I tell you what, can off chips wise is when you buy some nuts and you're like, I've bought some nuts. Then you look and you've bought like a mix nuts thing and those big weird pieces of corn.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, they.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I hate them. Leave off, you know what I mean?

[Laura Smith]

Like a quarter giant crunchy.

[James Acaster]

I think I might like those.

[Ed Gamble]

You like. Well, come over. I've got loads of them.

[James Acaster]

I've bought like packets of just those before.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, yeah. Grays do. Then they are. I get it.

[Ed Gamble]

No, but you pop one in, you're looking forward to a cashew or an almond or something and it's a big bit of corn. Like a baby's tooth is horrible.

[Laura Smith]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I spent like, and that's admin for me because I have to tip them out on the table and then sort them all out.

[Laura Smith]

Do you know, you're funny you mentioned admin because. Because I'm such a. Like a greedy, like, you know, person. I didn't know what else I was

[Monday.com Ad Team]

gonna finish up with.

[Laura Smith]

Like, read out. I kind of like admin sometimes, like pistachios. I sometimes think that admin is the only thing stopping me. Like, just, ah. You know what I mean?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But have you seen the pistachio? They now sell pistachios without the shells on.

[Laura Smith]

That's decadence.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, it's. It's off. It's so dangerous. Dangerous because then I'm done. I've done. I'm like chugging them.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So you need.

[Ed Gamble]

You do need the shells there. That is. That. Is that barrier in the way of eating the whole bag? Because I'm like, my thumb's hurt now.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I can't be asked to have any more of these. It's a workout.

[James Acaster]

If you want to stop eating pistachios, you want to watch my dad eating a bag of those on a Saturday afternoon watching football. Focus. He just watches. He eats a bag of pistachios in his bare feet. And bottom of his feet are absolutely rank, man. And they look like the pistachios. Oh, so just make sure.

[Laura Smith]

Green. He's got green feet.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's like.

[Laura Smith]

It's like Shrek.

[James Acaster]

It's like, you know, the skin of a pistachio that. Like the red but the. The different shades of just everything overlapping. And, you know, it's like. It's crazy feet, man. Just dried up. Horrible feet.

[Laura Smith]

How old your dad's.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, he's in his 60s. He's about to turn 70 actually.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, that's it. You've done some miles in them feet.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, those feet are rank manner. They'll make you never, ever want pistachios again. Once you see the combination of that. Him eating them with those bare feet out watching football. Focus.

[Laura Smith]

That is. That is almost enough to put me off, but I'm gonna go again.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

The thing about the shelled pistachios, that takes away the joy of when you are eating pistachios. You know, when you get one that's not shelled.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

I mean, float. Is this what flow state is? Yeah. Is this what they're talking about? That's a vibe.

[Ed Gamble]

But then you come crashing back down to earth. When you get one, you can't open.

[Monday.com Ad Team]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And it's awful.

[Laura Smith]

So it's a journey. Yeah, that's Zen. That is life.

[Ed Gamble]

And look, I used to. And this probably, you know, this probably is even more like life when I was younger.

[James Acaster]

Let's see how much like, like when

[Ed Gamble]

I was younger, if I got one of those ones you couldn't open. I really tried hard to open, crunching it with my mouth, smashing it, taking my shoe off, trying to bash it with the sole.

[Sarah]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Try and get it open now. Just throw it away.

[Laura Smith]

I mean, you need, you need a castor senior's feet on the case.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

That's probably why they're. Yeah, yeah, but that's why they look,

[Ed Gamble]

he's opening the pistachios with his feet

[James Acaster]

like a big chip and smashing them all like, like, like people stomping grapes and making white. Yeah, he's a. Stomping a big old fat of pistachios in his bare feet. Cutting them up all the shells to jacking. Just cutting up the soles of his feet. All the salt going in it and

[Ed Gamble]

he's screaming and screaming his head off.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I guess he's quite. He's quite an inspiration actually. If you're listening, dad. Yeah, he doesn't listen listeners.

[Ed Gamble]

Which is, which is why you just said all that stuff.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Have fun telling him, ma. Have fun relaying it to him later on today and try to try to explain this to him in a way that he understands.

[Sarah]

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[Monday.com Ad Team]

this Monday.com ad was created by a team of people and AI agents. Reese, our content agent, wrote the copy based on our best practices, like mentioning Monday.com three times. That was the second. Johnny, our coordination agent, built the timeline and kept everyone aligned. Olivia, our human creative director, stayed in the loop because agents are great, but they don't always know when a joke lands. She had one note tell listeners it only takes minutes to build an agent. So minutes. Create your own AI agent. Today on Monday.com he's dribbling the ball

[James Acaster]

with everything on the line. He's driving down the pitch. He's facing price hikes and cuts past him. Carrier contracts, tries to block him. Oh, he leaves him in the dust. He's at the edge of the box. He cuts past the non stop group chat. Trash talk. He clears on goal.

[Ed Gamble]

He shoots

[James Acaster]

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[Laura Smith]

Your dream starter prawns in garlic butter. Let's keep it simple, man.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, lovely big prawns.

[Laura Smith]

Big. Yeah, Big old, you know, deveined, charred, and then in the sort of super garlicky butter.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Maybe a couple of tomatoes that have wilted that, you know, that I've really got down in there. And this is why I say this might contradict the papadom fig, because then you're gonna get bread with that.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, okay, nice. Cause you need the bread with that.

[Laura Smith]

You need the bread with that. And I love, like, you know, I'm a good cook and I love hosting. I love, love. If I take my kids out, I always go to an Italian restaurant. If it's a birthday or celebration. There's something about them, real old school Italian restaurants that really make you feel like you're going out.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Laura Smith]

You know, they've not changed the menu in years. The tiramisu's not. Check every, you know, the candles, the

[Ed Gamble]

candles in one of those bottles of wine with a straw. Straw around the bottom.

[Laura Smith]

I don't want modernity in that. And they really look after the kids and it feels like you've gone out. I want to be garlicky up to the eyeballs. And so that garlic prawns is just a joy. And if that's on a. If that's on a starter where I'm getting that and then the bread gets involved and I mean, before I even started the prawns the bread is in there.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Doing its thing for me to get to. Because. Do you know the word tonkin?

[James Acaster]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[James Acaster]

So I'm learning so many words. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Is this one of another one of your.

[Laura Smith]

No. Well, it is, in a way, because it's a Hungarian phrase. So. My brother is married to a Hungarian woman and they live in Budapest. And, I mean, she's an absolute, you know, health freak, like bone broth, kind of amazing goddess, but when it comes to bread and tunkun. So tunkan is just the dunkin tunken, you know, so it's. But it's a big thing, like. So it's a stage of the meal in Hungary.

[Ed Gamble]

Is it called tunkin?

[Laura Smith]

Oh, no, I don't think they'd have such thing. There's shades of communism still there, but.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah, sorry.

[Laura Smith]

But it's. It's such a. Such a stage of the meal that almost is important, like, almost get that out of the way. So on Christmas Eve, they're all over. But it's like, I did garlic prawns and. And mussels and stuff, and then it's just. The bread is the main stage, actually. That's what we're in it, you know. You know, if I was watching someone not dip bread in some garlic prawns or butter or, you know, wine sauce, I'd be like, passes that. Yeah. I'd have no shame. I'd do it on a first date.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

So, yeah, so it's. It's the. It's the.

[Giraffe Wallow]

The.

[Laura Smith]

It's the prawns, but it's also the power of the tonkin that is very, very important.

[Ed Gamble]

You've got to embrace the power of the tonkin.

[Laura Smith]

We went to do a. We went to a vineyard on Lake Balaton in. Well, not Budapest, Hungary. It's just outside Budapest. But honestly, the food that they give there, like, it's. It's all just, like, for the dipping, like the bacon and the meats and the oil. It's like.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, mate, have you been to. And I've talked about this bread a lot. Got. It's just moved, actually, a restaurant called Kudu that was in Peckham.

[Monday.com Ad Team]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

And it's just moved to Marylebone, I think.

[James Acaster]

Oh, man.

[Laura Smith]

Go on.

[James Acaster]

I can't believe you're about to tell all of this because, like, this is

[Ed Gamble]

the ultimate tonkin, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, this is. This is. Yeah. I'm too excited for you to say the bread.

[Ed Gamble]

When you order the bread, it's. It's like a brioche. They're Baking it. They're baking it fresh. It's incredible. It's not overly sweet either. It's just. It's perfect bread. But then they bring with it and you can choose between the two or you can get both. Just a little pan. Yeah. Little cast iron pans of. Just one is melted butter and so much of it with bacon and something else in there. Some herb.

[Giraffe Wallow]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And the other one is like. Got little shrimp in it and it's like melted shrimp butter.

[Laura Smith]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

And it's just so much butter. It's all about the Duncan.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah. Chicken butter.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Oh, chicken butter.

[Ed Gamble]

Chicken butter.

[James Acaster]

I've not had chicken butter. I don't think so.

[Ed Gamble]

The chicken skin on the top.

[Laura Smith]

Chicken skin.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Mate, if I had a tail would wag it. That is.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

This is what I mean about. I wish I weren't a foodie.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. But. But then where. Then where are you going to get that joy from? There's something so specific.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, you what, like your husband? No, but it's not the same thing, is it?

[Ed Gamble]

It's not the same thing. Like the feeling I got when you said chicken butter.

[James Acaster]

Oh.

[Ed Gamble]

And it's very different to the feeling I get when I think about my wife.

[Laura Smith]

They're two different things.

[Ed Gamble]

They're two different. They're two different layers of. Yeah, not what I was saying, darling.

[James Acaster]

She doesn't listen to this. Oh, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

James's mum. Can you pass on to my wife?

[Laura Smith]

Tell me. Tell me what? Tell me how to spell kudu.

[Ed Gamble]

K, U, D, U. I didn't even expect that.

[Laura Smith]

That is brilliant. All right, so then kudu in Marylebone.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

I just drowned for the bar.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I think they're still. They are still doing that. I think it's one of their signatures.

[James Acaster]

I think we went there for. Was it our hundredth episode? Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

We went there to celebrate.

[James Acaster]

Celebrate the three of us.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Lovely.

[James Acaster]

Ben hated being around us. He loved the meal, but he was happy that he had to spend the evening with us.

[Laura Smith]

I was smashed.

[James Acaster]

Before we got there, Ed was smashed. I was very much having a mediate because, like, I think I was just so annoyed he was having to hang out with us for the evening.

[Ed Gamble]

He doesn't like us as people, but

[James Acaster]

like us as people.

[Laura Smith]

By God. Can a podcast.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Your dream main course.

[Sarah]

All right.

[Laura Smith]

I've thought a lot about this because I love a lot of food.

[James Acaster]

Right.

[Laura Smith]

And I love Caribbean food. I love. There's a lot of food, but I actually want a whole soy roast chicken on just boiled rice.

[James Acaster]

Lovely soy roast you know, like a

[Laura Smith]

soy roast chicken that you'd see hanging in Chinatown where it's poached with the ginger, the spring onion, and spices, then coated.

[Ed Gamble]

For a second, I thought you meant like a fake chicken.

[Laura Smith]

No. Can you imagine being vegetarian or someone telling you they're vegetarian? You're right. You got no skin in the game. I don't care about your opinion on nothing now, Ben. Oh, bless you. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

There he is. There he is sitting there.

[Laura Smith]

No, but I like vegetables. But. So did you do the fake. Do you do fake stuff?

[James Acaster]

He loves the corn roast. He loves it. He just raised his eyebrows twice when he said it. I love a corn roast. He says, literally no skin in the game. I'm a translate because he edit himself out otherwise.

[Laura Smith]

I have got a sister who's a vegetarian, and she always says, I miss the crap meat. Like, I miss hot dog or crap me. But I have seen her eat the chicken off kfc. Like the skin off a kfc, if she's drunk enough. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, that's fine, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

That's just a skin.

[Ed Gamble]

It's not part of the chicken, is it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Okay. I can eat my skin if you want. I don't have any problems, I think.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah. So that. That. That's. Yeah. So it's a soy. You know, when it's. And there's a Vietnamese in Dawson, that does it really well. Any place in Chinatown, it does it really well. Like, I like that simple food. And I think the reason I'm. I really thought about this. I really, really thought about it. I. You know the film Blues Brothers, when they go in and he says, I want to fried. Whole fried chickens. I remember being really young, thinking, whoa. Same with the Phil, Emily be like, oh, like the whole chicken. And I think it's because they're the youngest of a lot of kids. So there was a phrase my nan used to say was like, there's plenty for everyone, but you've got to be quick. There was a little bit of, like, elbows at dawn. Like, you ate for seconds. Do you know what I mean? It's like, you know, you could get some. So I think that's. And it's not that there was scarce. It is. There was plenty of free form. It's like, everyone's an eater. So I think that idea of, like, a whole roast chicken for little me. Laura Smith's gonna get a whole roast chicken. This has slightly been tainted. Have you watched the Beast in Me?

[James Acaster]

No. No.

[Laura Smith]

Oh, brilliant. Watch it. Okay, but what's the actor in It. Matthew is the Welsh actor who plays an absolute psychopath.

[James Acaster]

I know who you mean. Yeah. Reese isn't Matthew. Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Welsh game. I don't think I'm giving too much away to say he's a psychopath, but he's also. He eats a whole roast chicken.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

While he's very scary. Attack dogs. And it's the most intimidating thing. So he kind of. In the same way, watching your dad eat pistachio, like, put me off. It almost tainted it. But yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So it is roast chicken like the ones that are hanging. Hanging the windows.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you want. From the window? I've always thought. I don't want the window meat.

[Laura Smith]

Oh, no, you don't want the window.

[Ed Gamble]

Me, I don't want to meet the. I don't want a chicken that everyone's been looking at.

[Laura Smith]

Do you know what I mean?

[James Acaster]

Don't want the window.

[Laura Smith]

I know and I get it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I don't want one that's been out there, you know? Yeah. I don't want the one like. I. It looks nice. It's a good way of getting me in. But I don't want the one from the window.

[Laura Smith]

No. They look like they've been there a while. It's got that glossy sheen like an old school cake shop in the ice street.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

But I don't. I'm not a duck fan, you see. I think that's an overrated thing. But they're really good. Yeah. There you go. Controversial.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Crispy duck pancakes. You don't like them?

[Laura Smith]

Real, real big. Big. That is taking a big percentage of a Chinese order when you're at home. Squeeze ain't worth the juice sometimes.

[James Acaster]

Sure, sure.

[Laura Smith]

If I can quote.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So it's taken up a lot of, like, real estate in the bags. Yeah. We get the takeaway homes. So much of it is all the.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Laura Smith]

If you're. I've got three kids. You're going, what?

[James Acaster]

Half?

[Laura Smith]

You ain't going half duck, are you?

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[James Acaster]

Half done.

[Laura Smith]

You ain't gonna. And then. Yeah, so, yeah, I'm not bothered about that. I'm not bothered about fancy duck. I'm not bothered. I had a picture of a little bow tie. Yeah. But I saw it. Roast chicken.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

With a sort of maybe morning glory side. If that was gonna be the next question. You know, like the proper good. Nice.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Chinese vegetables. Just simply done. Load of garlic.

[Ed Gamble]

So good.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Sesame was really nice.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Although I've got a whole bottle of sesame oil at home and you just never use.

[Aura Ad Narrator]

Use it.

[James Acaster]

I Bought it for a stir fry.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Because Jamie Oliver said to use it in the book. Said get accessible for this. So I did it.

[Ed Gamble]

The book.

[James Acaster]

The book is in the book. The book, the good book, the Bible by Jamie Oliver. And did the stir fry. And then I was just. It was very nice, but I've never done it again since. And that sesame was just there. And every now and again, actually, this just reminded me. This is such a useful podcast.

[Sarah]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I need to buy olive oil. I've forgotten. Yeah. The other day I had to grill an aubergine, but using vegetable oil.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, God.

[James Acaster]

I was. I'd already done all the prep.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Cut the aubergine in half, done all that, scored it. Went to get my olive oil. The bottles there, it's empty. And my first instinct was to be like, oh, let's start to think my girlfriend's done that. And then I remembered doing it.

[Ed Gamble]

It's always got to be the first instinct, though.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. First instinct to blame others. Blame someone who never does anything wrong, to be fair to her.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And then remember it was me. And that when I did it, I just went, I can't be. To rinse that and sort it out. I just. Yeah, I'll leave it there. And when my girlfriend's cooking something next, she'll have to do with it.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, but who was cooking something next?

[Monday.com Ad Team]

James?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I was cooking something next.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

I feel like Davina McCall in Begin Again.

[James Acaster]

I'm like, oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. Interesting. You're a bad guy.

[Laura Smith]

So who roasted a machine in vegetable oil?

[James Acaster]

I had to do that. Taste very nice. Oh, yeah. So, like, I've got to get that olive oil on the way home.

[Ed Gamble]

Buy olive oil. Never have to buy it.

[Laura Smith]

You in a deal? You in a brand deal?

[Ed Gamble]

No, not a brand deal. Well, yeah, with my mom, I guess. Yes. With my mum.

[James Acaster]

What?

[Ed Gamble]

Because every time she goes on holiday, she brings back. Because it's normally be like Greece or just anywhere. Like anywhere seems to make good olive oil in the Mediterranean.

[James Acaster]

Greece makes great olive oil.

[Ed Gamble]

Bring back like a huge tin of it for me.

[Laura Smith]

That's lovely.

[Ed Gamble]

And then I don't know if you're doing. You're doing this in your house. I'm decanting it into a squeeze bottle, my olive oil. Because it makes you feel like a chef.

[Giraffe Wallow]

Look at you.

[James Acaster]

Does it now? Yeah. So you squeeze it like a. Yeah,

[Ed Gamble]

you just like, it gives.

[James Acaster]

You shoot it out there.

[Ed Gamble]

Then you have more sort of control over how much you're using as well.

[Laura Smith]

Well, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

When you're Putting it in the pan or whatever. And if you're drizzling it on stuff.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Then just to finish it off. I actually bought it that time you came over and I made pizzas in the pizza oven.

[James Acaster]

Great day.

[Ed Gamble]

And then just drizzle bit olive oil over the top. Just gives it that little bite at the end.

[Laura Smith]

Have you thought of flavoring as well? You could put decant into another one with like garlic and chili and all that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. But then where does it end, Laura?

[James Acaster]

I don't know.

[Ed Gamble]

I'll never leave the house.

[Laura Smith]

Do you know what I've done recently? One, I've had to ferment my own chilies, garlic and ginger, because I go. Because, you know, chili oil is so nice, like with the proper. Whatever it's called, the rayu sort of madness. I mean, that is so calorific. It's wild. So I buy the fermented stuff, but that's about eight, nine pound a pot.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

A little one and I go through it, you know, that's one sandwich. But then. So then I've had to do. I've done it myself because I'm like. I thought, I've got to go straight to the sauce here.

[Ed Gamble]

That's brilliant. So you're fermenting. You've got all these jars and you're like fermenting them.

[Laura Smith]

No, I've got on high risk, high reward. I've gone a kiln, I've done a kilo kill in the jar.

[Ed Gamble]

Amazing.

[Aura Ad Narrator]

Yeah.

[Giraffe Wallow]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Because I think if I. If. If I balls it up, I've really balls it up. So there's. There is literally a kilo of chilies, ginger and garlic together with a salt brine. And I'm just watching it. I'm burping it. What? I'm burping it. Burping it because it bubbles. It could pop. So you open it every day. That's all it is.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Burpees it. You open it every day.

[James Acaster]

Oh, nice.

[Laura Smith]

Sigh it, close it. So I'm only four or five days

[Ed Gamble]

in, but that's exciting.

[Laura Smith]

Oh, thrilling.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm buzzing for you.

[James Acaster]

I am.

[Laura Smith]

I can't wait to be back. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

What, you're going to use it all for anything?

[Laura Smith]

That's the thing. Once you've tasted fermented chili, that. Fermented chili, there's a. I can't remember the brand, but that's going on. Everything.

[Giraffe Wallow]

That's.

[Laura Smith]

That. I'm not. I can't think. I couldn't name something that. I wouldn't put that on you couldn't. Don't even try.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm not even gonna try. What I'm doing is I'm thinking about all the things I would put it on.

[Laura Smith]

Oh.

[Ed Gamble]

And it's everything.

[Laura Smith]

Everything. Yeah, everything. Cheese. Toasty. Are you mad? Scrambled eggs. Are you insane? Coach Simon.

[Giraffe Wallow]

Yes.

[Laura Smith]

You know, we're going in.

[Ed Gamble]

I buy. Well, actually, I've just tried to stop buying it now because I just go through. I'll eat it like a yogurt.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

The laugh and mar. Crispy chili oil.

[Laura Smith]

That's what I'm saying.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. It's the best. It's the best thing in the world.

[Laura Smith]

Oh, mate.

[Ed Gamble]

And that will go on anything. And I saw the other day on Instagram, someone putting it on ice cream, and I was like, I'm trying that.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, that's happening.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's the. But it's the classic crispy chili or that I like. The one with peanuts is fine, but it just doesn't. It's not as crispy.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, but have you looked at the calorie count? I hate to be this.

[Aura Ad Narrator]

No, no.

[Ed Gamble]

Why would I do that?

[Laura Smith]

I know. I know.

[Ed Gamble]

It's gonna live in my life.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, yeah. Let me live. I've already been on the Victoria line today.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. It is oil. And when you're eating it, like, with a spoon, you do think, yeah, probably shouldn't be doing this.

[Laura Smith]

I'm going to. 1500 calories a jar.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Small jar. Yeah. And we know that my wife put a jar of it in my stocking last year for Christmas.

[James Acaster]

Ah, that's nice.

[Ed Gamble]

Pretty good.

[Laura Smith]

Did it make you hobble when you walked? I'm so sorry.

[James Acaster]

So your dream side, is it the morning glory?

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, I had it once in China. The poorest thing about China's eye, because, you know, we gig and Tanner and you're there a lot. I feel like I'm there more than I've ever been in my life. Sometimes you have the most amazing thing that you can't remember where you had it or what you did. So, yeah, it would be just. I once had the most perfect morning. So it's that one specifically. Yeah. It was just so good. So good.

[James Acaster]

So you can't remember the place?

[Laura Smith]

No, not helpful.

[James Acaster]

My go to in Chinatown now is Cafe TPT is a legend. Love it so much. The hot pots.

[Sarah]

Oh, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Go in and get the aubergine and pork. Hot pot. Hot pot. So hearty and warming and like, it's just like. Yeah, I could get every now and again. I'll think about it. And then I was like, I have to have that soon because it's like. And I'll just be for days being like. When we go to Chinatown and have

[Laura Smith]

that hot pot, you know, Goblin Market or something, like, yeah, I gotta go. Like there's sometimes you, you hit on a hot pot and then you're like, that's, that's what I need. When they're like, when they're, they're the home hand pulled noodles. When you're going, that's what you're checking out in Chinatown. Who's making their own noodles? Who's making their own dims? Some.

[Ed Gamble]

Have you been to Heidi Lau?

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Which is on like Piccadilly Circus, basically. That's the square. It's mad.

[Laura Smith]

It's mad. But we go to the one because my kids love it. We go, that's another birthday celebration. We go to the one at 02. So.

[Ed Gamble]

Right, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it. I mean it looks like you go in, it's open to like three in the morning I think as well. Yeah. The one, certainly the one in central is. And they give you like while you're waiting, they'll be like, you can get your nails done, I think while you're waiting.

[Laura Smith]

No, because I'll take my kids when they come and sing with the radio. It is proper like, like, like what is going on here? It feels American. Like they do this big song. They sing it in kanties then in, in English and they give him free bees. You go with kids like they're getting all toys and freebies. It's all the fun of the fair. We're ordering more. It's hot pot, it goes mental.

[Ed Gamble]

The hot pot's amazing though. Just like I'm just, I go to absolute town on that. Making a little sauce up at the sauce station. And then the guy come over and do the noodle dance while he's stretching it. But then you want more noodles and he comes back over, over. And now we just go. You don't have to do the dance again, man. We've seen the dance.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And he's like, thank you.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, I want it every time. Yeah, Every single time. When I'm getting the receipt, everything.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Dream drink.

[Laura Smith]

Do you know what? I. I've listened to this and not, you know, like to me, I love a wine, right? I do love a wine wine. To me, if it's a dream restaurant, dream drink, give me the most expensive one. Give me the most expensive red on the menu. I want a few hundred quid fifteen hundred. You know, I would love to know what a two thousand pound wine tastes like. I want to know what that tastes like. Because when I have gotten really bougie with one, you're like, I didn't know red wine could be creamy, like positively creamy, you know, and it's so good. So I would, would want the most expensive wine you could possibly give me. And I don't even know what that is.

[Ed Gamble]

Great, because very few people will come in and say that on this podcast and just bring me the most expensive thing on the menu. But I love it. But what I want to do is we'll give you that. But also, do you want a drink that you definitely know you like? Because what if we bring the most expensive bottle of wine on the menu and like, it tastes like it's so old? Because it doesn't mean it's good if it's like, like it does.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I think it does.

[Laura Smith]

I mean, you know, when people go, oh, I wish we could get wine reviews next to choices on. I'll tell you what the review is, you know that ascending scale of cash money, that one.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Because even at home, you know, you start going like, I'll do a 5, 6, 7 pound. But then you like 10 pound. But then you like, you know, like I'd say I'm now in the 30 pound Brocket. I want a 30 pound bottle of Pinot noir. Do you know what I mean? I like it like, and then I'm like, oh, I wonder what, £60? It's getting better. Let's not get 60.

[Ed Gamble]

Once you start getting up to those prices, like thousands of pounds, what you're paying for is the age, which I guess would have an impact on the taste. But then you're paying for the place where it's made and the name of the place, which doesn't necessarily make it better.

[Laura Smith]

It's a dream restaurant. I ain't paying enough. Yeah, I know, but I'm saying that

[Ed Gamble]

it doesn't necessarily make the wine better.

[Laura Smith]

Well, do you know what a friend

[James Acaster]

of Alex doesn't really know about wine?

[Laura Smith]

A Boggle is Mrs. Alex Boggle? Boggle, yeah, he all. My husband's from Yorkshire. Everyone got nickname Nightmare trying to do wedding invites.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you know why he's called Boggle?

[Laura Smith]

He almost went breath. But he's in my dad, he's in my brother's band. He can barely talk. Boggle, he's the funniest person you'll ever meet. And he sings. They do like Crosby Stills at Nash Harmony. He's the most beautiful singer. Bring a tear to your eyes. When he left. When he left to drive back to Northumberland on my wedding, I went, oh, I went, have a safe trip. You went, I won't. What's wrong with you? Anyway? Legend. We've all got a nickname, but they're all called James.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah. So here's Mrs. Alex, her dad, farmer, French. He. He passed away suddenly a few years ago. But what he used to do, and I don't know why, he bought an old sort of. Sort of meat wagon, police transport thing where prisoners would be sort of transported and he would drive to vineyards in France that were sort of too small, didn't have the sort of, you know, like, whatever, the license to, like, export license, whatever. So they would be really niche. And he would fill up this van with wine. So even though he's passed away, you know, and not been here for a while, it's almost like a little bit of a lottery. We've been up there, stayed at their place in. Were there in. Yeah. Anyway, up at. Up north somewhere, you know, and they'll decant a lovely bottle of red and sometimes it is a. It's a potluck. So you go, oh. And it's like, oh, no, it's no good. The best wine I've ever drunk in my life is there. And then we have a little Google and is hundreds of pounds worth, you know, because it's been there years and it's just a joy that this gift is still giving and it's phenomenal. And they know the wine. So that was my first taste, like, oh, this is what a few hundred pound taste is unreal. But, you know, and so that's quite a fun thing. So I think that, yeah, that's.

[Ed Gamble]

That we're just bringing you an outstandingly expensive bottle of red wine.

[James Acaster]

Can you Google the most expensive bottle of wine in the world?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but you'll just get something that's been sold at an auction, that's.

[Laura Smith]

That belong to Picasso.

[Ed Gamble]

It's like a Petrus. I mean, like, it's something like it's got a Chateau Lafite Rothchild or something.

[James Acaster]

So over it already. He's absolutely over it. He's like, the thing is, how, you

[Laura Smith]

know is it's just.

[Ed Gamble]

It just ends up being like, you know, trainers or watches. You know, it's supply and demand, like Burgundy. Prices have shot up in the last five years. Doesn't mean that it's any better than it was five years ago.

[Laura Smith]

He ain't changed. He's still an average guy. He's that guy. I, I, I sometimes wonder about, you know, that kind of youth is wasted on the young. These wonderful things. Imagine finding that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Imagine getting to the point where it's commonplace, you know, like, or, you know, sometimes you think the people that should really appreciate it, like they should. The people that would really appreciate it could never afford it sometimes. Do you know what I mean? And I, I hope you know, because obviously I'm going to be like a podcast millionaire and all that in it. So when I'm a podcast, I hope I always appreciate a.

[Ed Gamble]

I've started watching this guy on YouTube called Vegas Wine. He's a sommelier in Las Vegas. He's amazing guy. Like, really so enthusiastic about wine. Like Genu, only passionate about it is his hobby. And he wears, like, meta glasses when he goes to work. So you just see him opening these, like, wildly expensive old bottles of wine. It takes him ages to get the cork out. It's really fun. He talks about the wine, but his customers are obviously the richest people in Las Vegas.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah. And it's nice. They couldn't give a shit. No, of course.

[Ed Gamble]

So he's like, describing this wine to them, being like, this is from 1962. It's the best vintage for this, for this area, for this grape. And he's like, pouring it for them. He's like, wow, look at that color. Color. And they're like, thank you.

[James Acaster]

Oh, wow. Thank you so much.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't give a.

[Laura Smith]

It's awful.

[James Acaster]

Then he pushes the camera into the road.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Sarah]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It's your favorite color.

[Laura Smith]

Have you ever been to tipping Tillingham wines?

[Ed Gamble]

Rings a bell, actually.

[Laura Smith]

Great. Tillingham's great. I mean, they've got their own vineyard, but that was where we, we went. We did a taste menu there and my husband took me for our anniversary. It's really lovely. Really off grid.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

And I loved it. It was, like, poetic. This girl, like, we had wine matching rich calls and the way she was describing it and you know, and there was some real sort of nice sort of curveballs like that. There was a, a really lovely white that had been sort of produced in the same way Sherry's sort of produced.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

Like letting them almost become currently on the, on the vine. But then, and it was just like, oh, I, I'd love, It's something that I would love to be more educated on and I'd love to know more just so I could, like, patronize people. Do you know what I mean?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

No, but it is nice to know what and why? And when you do taste something you can really go, oh wow, I like luxury. I like it when you're like, you know, I went to the Versace exhibition the other day and you are just like, oh, it's breathtakingly brilliant. The clothes, they are. When you up close you're like this is. You get. I love couture for that. You know when you go that this is something, this is different gravy, you know. And so are we any closer on that Google in the wine or was. Was he right?

[Ed Gamble]

Well this is what I'm talking about. This is not what.

[James Acaster]

What's the matter?

[Ed Gamble]

It probably tastes like. It doesn't matter.

[Laura Smith]

You let him say what's the best one you've ever had? Then gamble.

[James Acaster]

558 000.

[Laura Smith]

That one.

[James Acaster]

That's delicious.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, Patricia said that.

[Laura Smith]

I love that one.

[Ed Gamble]

You love that one.

[Laura Smith]

I love a bit of Fortnite and

[Ed Gamble]

at least you know it's been stored properly and it's like you know, new from a shop.

[Laura Smith]

It's not six and a half grand.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you very much.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, just, just that curiosity but in answer to your question, if I didn't like that I would have a vodka martini with a twist.

[Ed Gamble]

Beautiful.

[Laura Smith]

That's my favorite. Like starting off drink.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, we'll give you one of those when you arrive. We can put

[Laura Smith]

word a pair of teeth. There you go. That's a pair.

[James Acaster]

That is a pair of teeth.

[Giraffe Wallow]

Hey guys, it's Giraffe Wallow from the comment section. Listen, it's time to stop settling for hair products that just don't work, baby. With all the prestige brands at Sephora, upgrading your routine is easy. If your hair needs repair, They've got the K18 leave in molecular repair Hair mask. If you're trying to level up your wash day, the Kerasauce Elixir All Time Hair Oil leaves your hair looking ridiculously shiny without. Without feeling heavy. Also Sephora makes it super convenient with free shipping and same day delivery. Shop hair at Sephora and give your hair the upgrade it's been waiting for.

[Monday.com Ad Team]

This Monday.com ad was created by a team of people and AI agents. The agents wrote the copy and managed the timelines while our human creative director made sure it all made sense. Easy. Create your own AI agent today on Monday dot com.

[James Acaster]

Your dream dessert.

[Laura Smith]

Well I love an affogato with a like something else chucked in. That's all fun and games because it's all sorts you out because I was

[Ed Gamble]

make sure you write on.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah I'm Not a super dessert person. But you know what I love, but I love for sheer delight, a steam jam sponge, custard and ice cream.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh yeah, custard and ice cream.

[James Acaster]

Tank team.

[Ed Gamble]

You must respect, respect that.

[James Acaster]

Much, much, much respect that.

[Laura Smith]

I think if there was a family crest that a mud maiden's Taylor, it'd be both. That's the, that's the, that's the family. Both.

[James Acaster]

Both.

[Ed Gamble]

Would it have custard and ice cream on the crest or would it just be. Because both just applies to everything, right?

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, just both. Oh, everything.

[James Acaster]

You said that earlier about the, the butter at kudu before you heard what the butters were. Yeah, and said that's true. There's two different types of. You can have both. Both. I describe them not waiting goodness.

[Ed Gamble]

Every one of them's got a shit in it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Both.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I'm loving both.

[Monday.com Ad Team]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

I don't wanna choose but yeah, I, I love a steam sponge pudding man and. Ah, yes, and raspberry jammu.

[Ed Gamble]

I think it's nostalgia as well that, that sort of thing, isn't it?

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, that's. I think that's because I'm not a dessert person but I think actually when I was a dessert person that's nostalgia of childhood. And you know, know my mum can do a steam sponge. I love an old school dessert, you know, and I love steaming a sponge at home.

[James Acaster]

Do you want the dream one to be made by your mum?

[Laura Smith]

Oh, no, no. She's in that weird I'm in my 70s, I'll just eat tuna kind of vibe now she's gone off. She'll shoot. She knows she cooks for the dog, you know?

[James Acaster]

You know what I mean?

[Laura Smith]

My mum's well off the ball. When she froze it down, she really froze it down. But you ain't getting a steam sponge out of Jenny now. She's. She's busy, she's so busy doing all. Do you know what I mean?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, sure, sure. Do you want to maybe your homemade one? Is that, is that. Yeah, yeah, it's yours.

[Laura Smith]

No, no, I, I, Yeah, no, I'd love to trust someone, whoever's. Yeah, no, I love things, I love elevated things, you know, like it's such a joy when they get it right on like the great British menu. You know when you really see someone elevate an old school thing.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Laura Smith]

And they get it right. There's nothing better in the world.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

And when you. This big.

[James Acaster]

Did you ever see Eddie and stuff on great British menu and wish that you could eat it?

[Laura Smith]

Yeah. Oh, I Just wish I could sit next to Andy Oliver anything. I love her.

[Ed Gamble]

She's the best.

[Laura Smith]

She's the best. I saw her once and, you know an M S and I went, oh, my God, I love you. And, you know, she had that face like, not today, like as in, I'm not there. But she had a cookery show youngster go with Naina Cherry. Do you remember?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Laura Smith]

And there was this bit, and this is when I fell in love with Andy Oliver. I'm going to do these deep cuts is when she went. They saw Nigel Slater and they went. And they ran after him to tell him they love him. And then they were like. And I was like, yeah, like that level of fandom of Nigel Slater, of toast, because they chose. Oh, I love Andy Oliver.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, no, she's great.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I do. I do think she can come to

[Ed Gamble]

your dream meal if you want. Do you want to. Do you want her in there?

[Laura Smith]

Well, she did a lovely. What was the show she did on BBC where they went. I think she went to Morocco and went. You know, there's that this kind of height that I was interested in, that. Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't think I'd like someone that would want to impress. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'd be like, I've got custard everywhere. I'll leave off. Do you know what I mean?

[James Acaster]

Like, sure, yeah. Maybe we could get you someone you don't want to impress or don't respect.

[Laura Smith]

When you said don't want to impress, I was about to say my husband, and then you went in with don't respect. Oh, no. I always just want to be a vim. Like, I love. I love a rare chance that we get to have a dinner together. And he is someone that really appreciates stuff, like we said, about loving food. I can't bear cynicism. I love people that appreciate things and I love cooking for people that appreciate things. I'm like, oh, my God, you know, I love you going on a deep dive of what the cauliflower cheese is saying. I like interested people. I like appreciative people. My husband is such a fun person to cook for and do anything for. Cause he's a joy. Do you know what I mean?

[Ed Gamble]

And would he like this menu as much as you do?

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, yeah, he would, he would. He might go for a steak or something. But, yeah, dessert. I mean, his mum. I love his mum. His mum is the most phenomenal baker you've ever known in your life. And she's Very funny. Fr. She says. I said. And I say. And anything she cooks like, she goes, oh, it's easy. And that's my Northern Irish accent. And I say, you always neglect to mention the 50 years you've been doing it. You know, it's just in her bones. So I love that sort of cooking where people have just got it in their bones.

[James Acaster]

How'd you meet this guy?

[Laura Smith]

Funny enough, I met him just before the apps. I met him on Guardian Soulmates.

[James Acaster]

Wow. Way nice.

[Laura Smith]

Going way back, about 13 years. And he was so lovely.

[Giraffe Wallow]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

And. And we just hit it off straight away. It was just easy work. He's just easy work. And he's love. He's. Yeah, he's lovely.

[James Acaster]

How do Guardian Soulmates work again?

[Laura Smith]

Well, it used to be a proper Lonely hearts.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

I think it was in the guide, in the. One of the inserts and thing. And then it just became. I don't know if it ever became an app, but it was just like an online website and it was just like each other. Like each other, then message each other and blah, blah, blah.

[Ed Gamble]

On the understanding that you both read the Guardian so there won't be any political clashes on the first day.

[Laura Smith]

I think there's a bit of that. But I think everyone. Everything has its own flavor, doesn't it? Like plenty of fish is a hookup or even back then. Or like, like, you know, grinder, Tinder, you know, I think people, there's. But Guardian, someone's for me, def. I. There was a. A phase in the sort of mid to what we're saying, I reckon. Yeah. When did I meet him? 2011. 2012. Trying to think, but like, probably around 2009 to 2011, there wasn't a marriage that didn't happen because of Guardian Soul.

[Ed Gamble]

Right.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah. When everyone's divorced now. But it was like, oh, I'm married. You know, it was like that when people got to their mid-30s, when I. I need to do this. So, yeah, it was. I think it was for people that were a little bit more kind of like, I mean, this.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Laura Smith]

But I. I did hate dating. And like I always say, I always missed. I almost missed him because we just got along. So I'll be like, still dating. I was talking to people going, oh, no, at least I can't meet him. Do you know what I mean?

[James Acaster]

So it's funny anyway, when you meet the right person and it's just like. It's just easy.

[Ed Gamble]

It feels too easy.

[James Acaster]

And you're going off, what was I doing all day? All those other people are really nice people. Why did I put them through that?

[Laura Smith]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

What did I put through all that palava of trying to make it work.

[Laura Smith]

But you don't know until you know, do you? You don't know that your person should feel like home.

[Ed Gamble]

Shouldn't just so telling you your personality. Why did I put them through all that? Meaning yourself. Why did I put them through me?

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, all that is you.

[James Acaster]

All that, all that, all that stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

I do.

[James Acaster]

Let's try and make our relationship work.

[Laura Smith]

Yeah, but you do try, don't you?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

He's still got a trust.

[Laura Smith]

You do.

[James Acaster]

Well, you could.

[Laura Smith]

But you don't know that you find your person, do you?

[James Acaster]

No, I just drain the olive and

[Laura Smith]

home and then still looking forward to seeing them sort of thing.

[James Acaster]

I'll read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it. Yes, you would like the burks of Aberfeldy spring water.

[Laura Smith]

Oh, yeah.

[James Acaster]

That's unlimited poppadoms of all the dips, prawns and garlic butter with bread, which we were calling what again, tun.

[Laura Smith]

Main stage of the meal, whole soy

[James Acaster]

roast chicken on rice for your main course side dish, morning glory in sesame oil with garlic drink, the most expensive bottle of red wine on the menu. And also a vodka martini with a twist to start as an aperitif.

[Laura Smith]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Dessert, steamed jam sponge with custard and ice cream. Brackets, both. And you would like an avogato with a little in there as well.

[Ed Gamble]

How's he written that?

[James Acaster]

He's not, he's not written it. I, I, I, I had to do it from memory.

[Aura Ad Narrator]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

So I remember the, the, the sound. He's not ready. He, he, he doesn't like us.

[Laura Smith]

Thank you for. Let me have the affogato as well. That's it. Both. It's all about all of them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

That's a fantastic. I love that.

[Ed Gamble]

I absolutely love that. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Well, I, I, I felt like. Yeah. I didn't want to say at the time, so I didn't want to get in your head, but I really felt you connected with Laura. We're on the same on so many things. We're on the same page more than you have most of the time.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Ed doesn't approve of a lot of our guests and runs think they're morons.

[Sarah]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I didn't want to put it like that. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't respect, don't respect that guy.

[Laura Smith]

I do. I want to do taskmaster.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

[Laura Smith]

Oh, that was spot on.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

A delicious menu. Really. Respects Greg and looks forward to doing taskmaster.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, you don't need to do taskmaster now because you've done the off menu podcast.

[James Acaster]

Is that how it works?

[Laura Smith]

I don't know. Tick, tick, goal. I'm done. I'm done. Like done. I'm. I'm happy. Goals met, no other.

[James Acaster]

That's nice.

[Laura Smith]

No other worlds to be conquered.

[James Acaster]

That's nice. This is the ideal world.

[Ed Gamble]

People need to thank you for coming to the Dream Restaurant, Laura.

[Laura Smith]

Thank you, Mr. Campbell.

[James Acaster]

Thank you, Laura.

[Ed Gamble]

There we are, James. A lovely episode with Laura Smith.

[James Acaster]

Lovely meal. Lovely to hear so many stories about Laura's family.

[Ed Gamble]

She wasn't that eggy or aggy. I thought you. She was extremely fun and pleasant.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. She wasn't Aggie. She wasn't Aggie. She was Laura Smith, a fantastic comic. You can go and see her live now with her show born Aggie laurasmith.com for tickets.

[Ed Gamble]

That's s m y t H because I got her.

[James Acaster]

It's so fun to say because I got

[Laura Smith]

Ed.

[James Acaster]

I hope you're doing well.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm right here.

[James Acaster]

Huh? Oh, sorry about. I thought, I thought I was doing like a little shout out to you.

[Ed Gamble]

James can't handle this being on video to the extent that he doesn't know if I'm here or in the camera.

[James Acaster]

I guess it's to your future. You watch it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I assume at some point you're just gonna be sat in your home, an old man.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

In your. In your old smoking jacket.

[Ed Gamble]

Watching. Watching this.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Just watching this. Yeah. Watching all of your, your glory days, your salad days. I mean, like. Oh. And I'll say, I hope you're doing well and you'll be like, like, thank you, James. Thank you, James.

[Ed Gamble]

And then I'll pat a jar and it pans out and you're a brain in a jar.

[James Acaster]

Oh, it's my brain in the jar. I thought it was going to be like an urn with my ashes in.

[Ed Gamble]

It's the future, man.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah. Like Futurama.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Hello, Laura as well, if you're listening.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, hi, Laura. You didn't say eggy bread, so thanks for that.

[James Acaster]

Thanks for not saying eggy bread. Although it would have been fun cuz born Aggie and you sound the same. Have a great tour. It's going to be so fun, funny. Say hi to all the off menu fans for us.

[Ed Gamble]

Enjoy the event in Apollo.

[James Acaster]

Enjoy the Apollo. Huge gig. And I guess hello to Bonito if you're listening.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Watching.

[Ed Gamble]

I know. Then you see I've got another jar on the side and it's Bonito's Winky in a jar.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's the one big jar.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm on tour next year. That's 2027 depending on when you're watching this. My show Fresh tell starts in January 2027. Edgamble.co.uk for tickets.

[James Acaster]

Great. My tour's finished. Just everyone leave me alone I guess.

[Ed Gamble]

Is that to us as well?

[James Acaster]

I wish.

[Laura Smith]

Bye.

[Monday.com Ad Team]

Foreign.

[Giraffe Wallow]

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[Monday.com Ad Team]

This Monday.com ad was created by a team of people and AI agents. Reese, our content agent, wrote the copy based on our best practices, like mentioning Monday.com three times. That was the second. Johnny, our coordination agent, built the timeline and kept everyone aligned. Olivia, our kids human creative director, stayed in the loop because agents are great, but they don't always know when a joke lands. She had one note tell listeners it only takes minutes to build an agent. So minutes. Create your own AI agent.

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