Lucia Keskin (Chi With A C)

Summary

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Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster

Guest: Lucia Keskin (aka Chi With A C)
Episode Date: October 29, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this playful and warmly chaotic episode of Off Menu, comedians Ed Gamble and James Acaster welcome internet sensation, writer, and comic actor Lucia Keskin, famously known for her Instagram persona “Chi With A C.” Lucia is invited to the dream restaurant to curate her ultimate fantasy meal. What follows is a whimsical, meandering conversation that covers everything from the trials of tiny collectibles and the politics of poppadom shapes, to the perils of feeding onions to dogs. The episode is rich with Lucia’s unique perspective, a love for carbohydrates, and classic Off Menu tangents.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Getting to Know Lucia Keskin

• Lucia introduces herself and discusses her love for tiny things, the joy of collecting miniature figurines, and regrets from childhood playground swaps (08:49–14:27).
• She reflects on her sentimental attachment to objects and feeling guilty about eating foods with faces—like decorated cookies:

  “I can't eat it. Feels cruel.” — Lucia (15:05)

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2. Table Water Preferences

• Lucia prefers still water but reluctantly learned to tolerate sparkling, noting its prevalence at “middle-aged men’s mini-fridges in TV”:

  “It's because everyone sort of in entertainment drinks sparkling water... you have to drink it.” — Lucia (16:40)

• She admits this is her first time accepting a hot drink outside family settings, revealing a polite discomfort with requesting tea or coffee in professional environments (17:53).

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3. Bread & Poppadom Debate

• Lucia enjoys both bread and poppadoms, humorously referring to poppadoms as “sheets,” which launches a spirited debate on whether circles can be sheets (18:56–22:45).

  “Anything that's large and thin is a sheet.” — Lucia (19:46)

• Her dream bread: garlic bread, specifically ciabatta, not the standard baguette. She worries about being “ripped off” by pricier versions:

  “What are you doing that's different to both of these baguettes?” — Lucia (24:42)

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4. Starters: Too Filling

• Lucia is not a fan of starters, finding them too filling, and only partakes when “starving.” For the dream meal, she requests a tiny “four-pound-coin-sized” bowl of spaghetti (28:10–30:06).

  “If you blended two pound coins... that size is small enough... that's a great size starter of maybe pasta.” — Lucia (28:26)

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5. Pasta Love / Dream Main Course

• Pasta is her staple, eaten 4–5 times a week, with different variations to avoid monotony (34:32–36:06).

  “It’s so debilitating thinking of a new meal every day... so it’s just pasta” — Lucia (34:54)

• Her dream main: vodka rigatoni with red onion, garlic, tomato paste, double cream, vodka, Parmesan, and “all the spices”:

  “With garlic, tomato paste, double cream, vodka. Just cook it. And cheese, obviously...chili flakes...all the spices.” — Lucia (44:56)

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6. Side Dish: Potato Salad

• While tempted by chips, Lucia’s chosen side is her homemade crispy potato salad (boiled and roasted tiny potatoes with mayonnaise and various onions), inspired by social media (49:45–52:29).

  “It was honestly so nice. It was just too much onion.” — Lucia (51:59)

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7. Nutrition & Food Groups

• Discussion on the challenges of eating more veggies and fruit due to perishability, logistics and “stress” of planning meals with fresh produce. Lucia admits a diet heavy on carbs and dairy:

  “I love dairy... I think I could be vegetarian but I couldn't be vegan.” (53:45)

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8. Dream Drink: Milkshake vs. Appletiser

• Lucia enthusiastically picks milkshakes as her all-time favorite drink (especially those with bits, like bubblegum), but finds them “so filling and so sweet” with a main meal (60:31–62:36).
• She reveals the family tradition of "Complan" (a nutritional drink for when you don't want food):

  “Just have a complain. It’s a meal in itself.” — Lucia (61:50)

• For the actual meal, she opts for still water or Appletiser, suggesting the milkshake would be a standalone treat.

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9. Dessert: The Ice Cream Factory

• Lucia loves ice cream—especially gelato—but ultimately chooses Pizza Hut’s Ice Cream Factory (self-serve soft-serve with strawberry crunch “pink balls,” no sauce). She values restraint with toppings for “the true dairy flavor” (75:40–76:50).

  “I just want the ice cream to really, really enjoy the flavor of the dairy... just add some pink glittery balls to it.” — Lucia (76:06)

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10. Lucia’s Love of Dogs & Cautionary Onion Tales

• She wishes to be “surrounded by dogs” (her own and others) during her dream meal, with her dog served a special plate of cheese.
• The trio digress into the dangers of onions for dogs, with Lucia humorously misusing “I learned that the hard way” (78:35–81:16).

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11. Quotable Moments & Lucian Logic

• Lucia’s innocent logic and terminology spark ongoing jokes:
  • On poppadoms: “They're always in sheets, aren't they?” (19:17)
  • On why she likes tiny things: “It makes me feel massive.” (10:26)
  • On burritos: “I just don’t trust them as much as fajitas. Why is there baked beans in them?” (38:33)
  • On letting John Coffey (from The Green Mile) unblock her nose:

    James: “Would you let him take away your blocked up nose?”
    Lucia: “I mean if I've got flies coming out of my mouth…” (48:29)

  • On environmental packaging: “I just miss having lids on McFlurries.” (66:18)

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• “It makes me feel massive.” — Lucia, on her love for tiny collectibles (10:26)
• “If you blended two pound coins... that's a great size starter of maybe pasta.” (28:26)
• “It's so debilitating thinking of a new meal every day, so it's just pasta.” (34:54)
• “It's just from, you know, utters... I think they're not dead, are they?” — Lucia on loving dairy (54:01)
• “I just want the ice cream to really, really enjoy the flavor of the dairy.” (76:06)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Welcome & Introduction: 03:08
• Tiny Things & Collectibles: 08:49
• Bread/Poppadom Sheet Debate: 18:56-22:45
• Starter Discussion: 28:10-30:06
• Pasta Obsession / Main Course: 34:32-46:05
• Side Dish & Potato Salad Recipe: 49:45-52:29
• Talking Food Groups: 52:54-54:22
• Milkshakes, Drinks & Complan: 60:31-62:36
• Dessert/Soft Serve Toppings: 75:40-76:50
• Dogs at the Table/Onions: 78:04-81:16

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The Final Dream Menu

Water: Still
Bread: Ciabatta garlic bread
Poppadoms: “Sheets” of poppadoms
Starter: Tiny bowl of spaghetti (“four-pound-coin-sized,” tomato & basil)
Main: Vodka rigatoni (with onion, tomato paste, cream, vodka, Parmesan, chilli flakes)
Side: Homemade crispy potato salad (now, with much less onion)
Drink: Still water or Appletiser (milkshake if a standalone treat)
Dessert: Pizza Hut Ice Cream Factory — soft serve with just sparkly pink strawberry crunch balls
Ambience: Surrounded by friendly dogs, especially her own, with a plate of cheese for them

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Tone & Vibe

True to Off Menu form, the episode is light, absurdist, and full of gentle ribbing and well-meaning digressions. Lucia’s whimsical logic matches seamlessly with Ed and James’ surreal style. She brings a delightful uniqueness to the fantasy meal, balancing self-deprecation, nostalgia, and bursts of sweet, near-childlike sincerity.

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For more of Lucia, check out her acclaimed BBC iPlayer show “Things You Should Have Done” and her sketches as “Chi With A C” online.

Transcript

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[Zoe]

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[Jeff Bridges (Character)]

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[Zoe]

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[Ed Gamble]

Get the new iPhone 17 Pro on us with eligible traded in any condition.

[Zoe]

So what are we having for lunch?

[Jeff Bridges (Character)]

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[Mark Bittman]

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[Ed Gamble]

Hey, Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile.

[Lucia Keskin]

Now, I don't know if you've heard, but Mint's Premium Wireless is $15 a month.

[James Acaster]

But I'd like to offer one other perk.

[Lucia Keskin]

We have no stores. That means no small talk.

[Mark Bittman]

Crazy weather we're having.

[Lucia Keskin]

No, it's not. It's just weather. It is an introvert's dream.

[Ed Gamble]

Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment.

[Advertiser]

Of $45 for three month plan. $15 per month equivalent required. New customer offer first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See Mintmobile do.

[Ed Gamble]

Welcome to the off menu podcast. Taking the all brown of conversation, putting it in the bowl of the Internet and pouring over the ice cold milk of humor. James, you look really sad about that one. Is he off many podcasts, by the way? Are you all right, mate?

[James Acaster]

It's a bowl of cereal.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a bowl of cereal. I panicked. Yeah, but at least it makes sense. Sometimes I panic. It doesn't make any sense. Or it gets too complicated.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. And you've definitely not done it before?

[Ed Gamble]

No, they're not done. All brand.

[James Acaster]

Are you in an all brand phase at the minute? Is that what you're eating at that?

[Ed Gamble]

No, I'm never really in an all brand phase, but I do like the idea of ice cold milk being poured onto all brand. I want to watch that. I don't want to eat it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. All brand's disgusting. Yes, that is a gamble. My name is James Acaster. Together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite in a guest, we ask them their favorite ever start a main course, dessert side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week, I guess is Lucia Keskin.

[Ed Gamble]

Lucia is absolutely brilliant. You might know her from her Instagram presence, Chi with a C. She's very, very funny on that. I would highly recommend looking up a video which is not like her normal videos, but she went to one of those indoor skydiving experiences and it went wrong. And it's the probably the thing that's made me laugh the most in the last 10 years. She's also a brilliant actor and writer and comic and she has an amazing show which is available on BBC iPlayer called Things you should have done, which is absolutely brilliant.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I mean, very excited. Never met Lucia before. Big fan of us.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, I can't wait for you to meet her.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You sure you've Never met before. Because we've had this before, haven't we, James? Where you've said you never met someone before, and you say on the podcast you never met them before, and then they say, yes, we have met before. And it turns out that you have met and there was an incident when you met, and you've just wiped it from your brain.

[James Acaster]

I can't be keeping up with all the incidents. Yeah. There's too many incidents.

[Ed Gamble]

You're an incident magnet.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. And I can't help that. But it's.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, I think you can't help that. The original incident. But I think the way you react to every incident creates more of an incident. You are. You're quite Larry David.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't mask my feelings very well.

[Ed Gamble]

Because sometimes I, like when I'm watching Curb, I'm like, I can't believe all this stuff's happening to Larry. And I'm annoyed with the other people. By what? For what they do.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

But then he never reacts to it. Right. And I think that's. I think that's, you know.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. If someone starts a fire, I tend to pan the flames.

[Ed Gamble]

The flames. Yeah. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Don't really put it out or. Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I would never use the phrase water off a duck's back to describe anything that you've ever done.

[James Acaster]

No, no more. I don't know what. On a man's back, the man complains about having a wet back. Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's really angry about having a wet back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we're looking forward to talking to Lucia. Of course, there is a secret ingredient that if she says it, we will kick her out the restaurant. And I thought this. This week, James, it would be. You know, when you get a bit of fake grass in sushi in a sushi box, they use it to separate out the sushi bits. Yeah, sure. I've had that in my mouth before by accident.

[James Acaster]

Fake sushi grass.

[Ed Gamble]

Fake sushi grass. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, is it a technical ingredient? I've accidentally eaten it once, so. Yes.

[James Acaster]

And it's. It's food adjacent.

[Ed Gamble]

It's food literally.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's literally food adjacent. It's in the box.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You're never happy to see it.

[Ed Gamble]

No, it's not. Not the same color as the seaweed that's wrapping the sushi.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, it's blending in a little bit, isn't it? So it's like they're tricking you.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I don't. I just don't really get one thing of fish or Anything of grass.

[Ed Gamble]

That's a really good point.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Make it fake water.

[Ed Gamble]

Fish shouldn't be anywhere near grass, should it?

[James Acaster]

Fake water for ducks back.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Looking forward to speaking to Lucheer. I hope she doesn't say the secret ingredient, because I want to have the whole conversation with her, James.

[James Acaster]

Yes, that would be nice. But let's see what happens as dive into the off menu. Menu. Lugia Keskin.

[Ed Gamble]

Lucia Keskin. That was good, James. Wow. Well done, you, man. Welcome, Lucia, to the Dream Restaurant.

[Lucia Keskin]

Thank you.

[James Acaster]

Welcome, Lucia Kesker to the Dream Restaurant. We're expecting it for some time.

[Lucia Keskin]

How long?

[James Acaster]

23 years.

[Lucia Keskin]

Wow.

[Ed Gamble]

That's good. That right?

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

That's your age.

[Lucia Keskin]

My age? Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Imagine if you've been waiting here since you were born.

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, it'd be so boring, wouldn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

It'd be weird as well if we were like, we want to do a podcast with that baby that's just been born, but we should wait for 23 years.

[James Acaster]

How we do it.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Go around the hospitals and maternity wards and we go. That one.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

We want to know we're expecting them.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. That's good.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. See, one of the chosen babies. Welcome.

[Lucia Keskin]

Thank you.

[Ed Gamble]

We were actually waiting for about an hour, but you, you were here bang on time. But we had a bit of time and we let you know that we'd play Jenga.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. Jenga.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. While waiting for you and you revealed that you weren't familiar with Big Jenga.

[Advertiser]

No.

[Lucia Keskin]

Well, I mean, I, I. It didn't take long to, you know, get it around my head, but I just not, I just not played either. But it sounds fun.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, a bit. I remember I have fond memories of Big Jenga. It's less tense than normal sized Jenga, I would say.

[Lucia Keskin]

Do you have to wear knee pads?

[James Acaster]

Interesting. For the big one. I think if you're playing it often, you should do well. If you're making a handle.

[Lucia Keskin]

How does it go?

[Ed Gamble]

I'd say it comes up maybe chest height if you're stood up.

[Lucia Keskin]

Is it soft play or.

[Ed Gamble]

It's more soft play. Because when you said knee pads, I was worrying that you were imagining big, hard, wooden. Yeah. Like big blanks.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

So, I mean, if you think, you know, it needs to be realistic.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. It should be wooden, really. But I guess you're asking for trouble if that falls on you.

[Lucia Keskin]

I love tiny things.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Don't you like, I'd like to see a miniature Jenga. Tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny things.

[Ed Gamble]

Can you talk us through some of the tiny things?

[Lucia Keskin]

You like just tiny versions of things, like things you can do with your fingers. So the other day I bought this set of. It was like a tiramisu, but it was just tiny. Do you get what I mean?

[James Acaster]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

So, like, it was like a little model of a tiramisu.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. You. You put the. The base. You fill it up with the cream and then there's a tiny spoon. It's a tiny tiramisu. It's not edible, but it's just lovely.

[Ed Gamble]

But you are filling it up with the cream.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. But it's like. What's that stuff? Resin.

[Ed Gamble]

Right, okay.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So you're making a little.

[Lucia Keskin]

Not horrible. What?

[Ed Gamble]

What.

[James Acaster]

Why were you doing it? What's the.

[Lucia Keskin]

I just love tiny things.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. So I think she's been very clear about that.

[James Acaster]

That is clear. Yeah. What's the purpose of it when people are. So what, you can just buy a tiny tiramisu?

[Lucia Keskin]

Well, it was sort of a tiny. Make your own food and then. But I mean, like, you. I agree. Once you've made it. I didn't really have anything. Couldn't eat it. I threw it away.

[Ed Gamble]

You threw it away?

[Lucia Keskin]

Eventually, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It wasn't a display. It wasn't something you can display.

[Lucia Keskin]

It didn't even look like a tiramisu in the end. It was it. And had raspberries on top of it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. That's not a terrible thing.

[Lucia Keskin]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

Was it. Was it like. It did it. Was it like a workshop of. Make your own tiny.

[Lucia Keskin]

I found it in the kids section in Sainsbury.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And just the. Terry. Must say, it wasn't like, I've got.

[Lucia Keskin]

Another one, but it's one of them. You have to open it. You don't know what you're going to get to make a blind box. Yeah. So I don't know what the other one is. I've not done that one yet.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So what. What do you like about tiny things? What is it that makes you see?

[Lucia Keskin]

I like. Well, when. When they're detailed, you have to be detailed. If it's, you know, not got the. I just love it. Makes me feel massive.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

I just love it.

[Ed Gamble]

So, like, when you were a kid, were you into, like, Sylvanian families or like little, like. Like doll furniture and all of that stuff?

[Lucia Keskin]

Weirdly not doll houses.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

But I loved small. I love to collect figurines.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

So like, poppy in my pocket. Pony in my pocket.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Kitten in my pocket.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

What? I. I don't think I'm aware of this.

[Lucia Keskin]

Did you yeah, not enough. But I used to. Used to, you know, trade them around the playground. Getting a lot of arguments, really.

[James Acaster]

Ah. So in terms of people being like, I'm not swapping you that for that.

[Lucia Keskin]

Well, no, it was more sort of, you know, I've. I'll trade you this kangaroo for a panda and then getting the regret later on and, you know, saying, well, I.

[Ed Gamble]

Want to try and swap back.

[Lucia Keskin]

I tried to swap back and it's just not going well.

[James Acaster]

That's the big one.

[Lucia Keskin]

And then just it ultimately ending in just the banning of them in school.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, really? Because it got so toxic that.

[Lucia Keskin]

It was so toxic.

[James Acaster]

It's always heading towards that. It was pogs in my day.

[Lucia Keskin]

Pogs?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Do you know what pogs are?

[Lucia Keskin]

No. Like a pig.

[James Acaster]

Felt like a pig.

[Ed Gamble]

Hugely respect that. There was a moment there where you thought, I might try and guess what a pog is.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

It sounds like a baby pig.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Picking your pocket? Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Picking your pocket. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, you wish.

[Ed Gamble]

No, it wasn't. It wasn't a tiny animal in any way. No, they were discs, plastic discs. And you got them actually. Were they paper? Cardboard, but yeah, the one you used was plastic, right?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You put them in a pile and you have to throw a plastic disc on top and try and flip them over. And if you flip them over, you win them.

[Lucia Keskin]

They didn't have faces.

[James Acaster]

They know some of them designs on them. Yeah. So you collect them.

[Lucia Keskin]

Did you ever used to have them? Tiny skateboards?

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, they were great.

[James Acaster]

I'm familiar with those.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, that's absolutely. Finger skateboards playing into your absolute.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Hobbies, isn't it?

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, tiny stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

Did you put, like, the tiny kangaroo on the tiny skateboard and stuff like that?

[Lucia Keskin]

I don't think I ever matched the two because I think it was. I could only have one at the time. Like, if I. If I had skateboards, I'd have traded away all my pony animal in my pockets.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Whereas if I had that, I wouldn't have had time for the skateboards as well.

[James Acaster]

So you never had both?

[Lucia Keskin]

Not the same time. It would be like a maybe a slight crossover of I'm moving into tiny skateboards. But it was never. I'm gonna have a day of, you know, finger skating today or.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Chugging my pocket tomorrow.

[James Acaster]

And you would have the regret. You would swap with someone, have the regret and try and get your stuff back.

[Ed Gamble]

Wow.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Can we hear what that would sound like if I say Ed's traded with you earlier in the day?

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And now it's like lunch break.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So you've given away your kangaroo and I've given you a tiny cow or something.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

I'd say, do you think I could maybe have the kangaroo back?

[Ed Gamble]

No, we swapped it earlier. I gave you my tiny cow.

[Lucia Keskin]

Well, it's just. It was mine first.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. But we had an agreement. It was the traditional butter, you know, that we swapped. And now. And now the kangaroo is mine and the cow's yours.

[Lucia Keskin]

I just feel very sad now.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. It doesn't feel as toxic as you may.

[Lucia Keskin]

I think it was, you know, it was. Oh, you know, I'm gonna have to take this further.

[Ed Gamble]

And then you physically attack them.

[James Acaster]

Would you then go to the teacher and tell them, the person and be like.

[Lucia Keskin]

I think it would be. I'd go home and I'd say, mum. Or I'd go home and I wouldn't talk. I'd be crying, you know, for days. My mom would say, what is it? You're being bullied. And I'd have to say, you know, it's just this kangaroo. It's not my. It's. It's not here. I used to get very attached to objects when they weren't, you know, if they went missing or if they weren't, you know, within my family. So no siblings or dad.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. So you detect almost the kangaroo would.

[Lucia Keskin]

Be things like that. Yeah, it would be even like, you know, bouncy balls. If I'd, you know, lose it, I'd get very upset.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

I thought everything had feelings.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Obviously you thought the bouncy ball might happen.

[Lucia Keskin]

You just, you know, you just too. You'd open your heart to too many things.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I get that. I mean, my wife now, she'll buy, like, a biscuit with, like, a lovely design on it of, like, a cat's face or something.

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, God.

[Ed Gamble]

And I go, don't do that, because you're never going to eat it. It's going to sit in the cupboard until eventually, I think you've forgotten about it. And then I'll throw it away.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, I've got one of them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

It was someone from Geordie Shaw's face on it. I don't know who, but I can't eat. Feels cruel.

[Ed Gamble]

But you don't even know which cast member of Geordie Shore it is.

[Lucia Keskin]

Nathan.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, but I just feel.

[Lucia Keskin]

Scroll, doesn't it?

[James Acaster]

Can you buy these in shops?

[Lucia Keskin]

I think I got it somewhere. My friend went to an event and I went for the goodie bag and I Got this cookie.

[James Acaster]

But bring yourself to eat it.

[Lucia Keskin]

Bring myself to.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I knew you still got it.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, found it the other day.

[James Acaster]

What if, and this will probably happen at some point, someone makes you a biscuit or a cake that's got your face on it.

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, that's fine. I can have that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

It's not affecting anyone else, is it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

And I give, you know, permission for other people.

[James Acaster]

Oh, so you're waiting for Nathan from Georgia Shore to grant you his permission.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

If he's listening.

[Lucia Keskin]

But I didn't want to say anything.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Well, it's a good platform for you.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Do you want to say a message to him now?

[Lucia Keskin]

Could you?

[James Acaster]

Well, it's better coming from you. Yeah. Because you've got the biscuit and you'd like to eat it.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. Just if. I mean I, I can. The trouble is I'm not. I can find other biscuits. So that's the issue. Like I'm not.

[Ed Gamble]

You're not desperate to eat the biscuit. Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

I could just. So I'm happy with how it is.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You quite like.

[Lucia Keskin]

I don't mind, you know, not making a statement to him.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

You know.

[James Acaster]

We always start with still, a sparkling water.

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, still. But I have learned to like sparkling.

[Ed Gamble]

You've taught yourself. You've actively, actively had to teach yourself.

[Lucia Keskin]

It's because everyone sort of in entertainment drinks sparkling water. They only have sparkling water. A lot of middle aged men in their, you know, cupboards or mini fridges. It's just sparkling water. So you have to drink it. Well, there's nothing else.

[James Acaster]

I don't feel like you're not like that. Well, I think that I work in entertainment but I've never seen these mini fridges of sparkling water that you're talking about.

[Ed Gamble]

We very rarely get access to a middle aged man's mini fridge.

[James Acaster]

But I guess like times have changed. You know, you're a YouTube sensation and have a hit sitcom, so maybe that's different now you're getting access to different rooms.

[Lucia Keskin]

I mean it's probably one middle aged man that I just repetitively see. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So you've been forced to drink sparkling water out of necessity.

[Lucia Keskin]

And just people that I've met in TV do seem to have a, you know, accustomed to sparkling water.

[Ed Gamble]

It's always a ball of move when you're at lunch with someone and they go straight in with sparkling.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. I won't shut someone down and say if I'm with someone and they say, still a sparkling. I'll let them say. And I'LL go with either. Not too, you know, precious about it, but I do prefer still if I am, you know, gasping.

[Ed Gamble]

You were saying before we started recording as well that you think this is the first time you've ever agreed to a hot drink.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

In your life.

[Lucia Keskin]

Well, not to. Not, you know, not with a relative. I've agreed to plenty of them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

But, you know, in the entertainment world.

[James Acaster]

So Benito offered it to you, who's not a relative, for the record.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. And I just thought, oh, it's not, you know, you don't. You're not gonna think anything bad of me, are you?

[Ed Gamble]

But, you know, no one would.

[Lucia Keskin]

No, it's just. It just don't want to, you know, take the piss.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So normally when people go, you know.

[Lucia Keskin]

Like, when you're doing something, can I get you anything? Honestly, you sit back. I'm fine. Yeah, Usually.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, but in your head you're thinking, I want a tea so badly.

[Lucia Keskin]

Starving.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But how is this tea?

[Lucia Keskin]

It's lovely. It's really nice. It's lovely to, you know, experience doing this with you guys. Oh, yeah, yeah. With tea. Yeah, lovely.

[James Acaster]

Pop dos or bread. Pops or bread, though. Chay keskin put ups or bread?

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, both. I've never ordered just one, have you?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Oh, but I like both.

[Lucia Keskin]

But I mean, I feel like bread fills you up more.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Poppadoms. I could just keep going. So usually get bit of bread and then the, you know, sheets of papadoms.

[Ed Gamble]

When you say sheets.

[Lucia Keskin]

Well, they're always in sheets, aren't they? You don't get mini poppadoms nowadays unless you're in a supermarket.

[Ed Gamble]

But I would never say sheets.

[James Acaster]

No, no, no, that's what I think.

[Ed Gamble]

That's what's throwing me as sheets. Because they are round.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Still sheets though, aren't they?

[James Acaster]

Are they interesting?

[Ed Gamble]

Do you get sheets of round?

[Lucia Keskin]

I've got sheets of round.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, you've got on your round.

[Ed Gamble]

So, for instance, on your bed at home, blanket.

[James Acaster]

That's a blank blanket.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. It's still a she, isn't it? Anything, anything that's large and thin is.

[Ed Gamble]

A sheet at all, do you not think?

[James Acaster]

No, no. You know, I don't think you believe that.

[Lucia Keskin]

You get sheets of everything. You get lots of, you know, types of sheets.

[Ed Gamble]

Talk us through them.

[Lucia Keskin]

Sheets of people.

[James Acaster]

A large and thin person.

[Lucia Keskin]

Tall and thin.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Stephen Merchant. Would you say he's a sheet of a man?

[Lucia Keskin]

Yes. Yeah. And if you got, you know, Stephen Merchant with another tall person. Yeah, that's a. That's A sheet of people, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, that's. So they individually are not sheets. It has. It's a collective.

[Lucia Keskin]

Suppose it's a. Of a. Well, I think you can have it collectively and you can also get just, Just. Not even just people, just thin, you know, slices. Slices.

[Ed Gamble]

Thin slices.

[Lucia Keskin]

It's a sheet, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Well, I can see if it was being like with smoked salmon.

[Lucia Keskin]

It's a slice of salmon.

[Ed Gamble]

Salmon, yeah. Okay.

[James Acaster]

I can say that. Yeah, I can. Sheet of salmon. I can. I'm fine with that.

[Ed Gamble]

You wouldn't say sheet of ham, would you?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, you would, yeah, yeah, please. The circular thing that's throwing us off.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

You don't like circular things as a sheet?

[Ed Gamble]

No, we like circular.

[Lucia Keskin]

Just like squares.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, we like. But yeah, for sheets. Yeah. I wouldn't have. On my bed. I wouldn't have a round sheet. But then. Then we're back to the whole thing of you saying that a blanket's a sheet.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's a blanket.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yes, I suppose so.

[Ed Gamble]

So if someone was making you a ham sandwich. Yeah. Would you say two sheets, please?

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But how would they know if you're referring to the ham or the bread? Because you're saying bread sheets as well.

[Lucia Keskin]

I'd say two sheets of ham. Two sheets of bread.

[James Acaster]

I think bread is too thick, but I think the sheets of ham.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, I think pushing it a bit.

[James Acaster]

I think you're right.

[Lucia Keskin]

But it's still thin in comparison to, let's say, a fridge.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Bread is then in comparison to a fridge.

[Lucia Keskin]

Something like that.

[Ed Gamble]

You'd never say a sheet of fridge.

[Lucia Keskin]

You would never.

[Ed Gamble]

Sheet of fridge.

[James Acaster]

No, you never have a sheet of fridge. But I think sheet of ham is right. I think that people might be technically right.

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, definitely, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Slice is what most people.

[Lucia Keskin]

It's like a different word for it, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, but a sheet of popper, Dom. See, I saw a doubt flickering your eyes there, where you heard sheet of poppadom. And you went, actually, that's not right.

[Lucia Keskin]

No, it sounds. I think it sounds. It sounds right.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

It's just. I was just thinking about how they come.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, we could. For your dream mail, if you want it to truly be a sheet, we could bring you one the size of.

[James Acaster]

Like a bed sheet or like a bed sheet.

[Lucia Keskin]

Poppadon.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we could do that.

[Lucia Keskin]

I mean, I'm not massive on Papa John's.

[James Acaster]

No, I really like them.

[Lucia Keskin]

I just, you know, if I'm having Indian.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

I will get them as well, as bread, a couple of sheets, you'll have naan. Yep.

[James Acaster]

Is this what you want for this meal, Nan?

[Lucia Keskin]

Not particularly, but I, you know, I would get both if I had to choose.

[Ed Gamble]

But for the dream meal, we will bring you a couple of sheets of poppy rums.

[Lucia Keskin]

Lovely.

[Ed Gamble]

But what bread, what bread do you want with your dream meal? What's your dream bread?

[Lucia Keskin]

I love garlic bread, but sometimes it's just a bit too much garlic, you know, just. It's like a tiger. Bread could do any. Any bread. I don't think you can go wrong with bread. I really enjoy all sorts. I've never sort of said no to bread.

[Ed Gamble]

Interesting. So it's the opposite of the hot drink.

[Lucia Keskin]

Well, no one's ever really offered me bread on set.

[James Acaster]

No. Okay, yeah, I'll get you some bread.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, I think if. I don't think I would be able to say. I mean, I probably would say no. You, you know, you get that you enjoy it yourself, but. But no, no one's ever offered me bread.

[Ed Gamble]

Love the idea of a runner working on your show. Do you want some bread?

[Lucia Keskin]

Some loaves?

[Ed Gamble]

You go, no, no, you enjoy it yourself. And they're like having to eat bread for the 50th time that day. Crying in the corner.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Swapping a small kangaroo.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

I'm not keen on rye. Is that the one?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Like a darker sort of bread.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. Whole meal. I'm not keen on whole. But I mean, again, I would. If there was nothing else, I would eat it.

[Ed Gamble]

But this, I mean, this is a podcast format where we're going to have to force you to advocate for yourself and say exactly what you want.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, Well, I mean, I think probably of all the breads, garlic bread's probably the one to pick.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Now let's get into the nitty gritty garlic bread wise.

[Lucia Keskin]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

A long baguette like you might get from the supermarket.

[Lucia Keskin]

Absolutely.

[Ed Gamble]

Not like a mattress.

[Lucia Keskin]

No, it has to be. Well, I mean, again, I would have it, but it's not what I choose at all. A long baguette, because you can get them. I mean, some of them, you find them for 20 pence. I don't want garlic bread that cost 20 pence.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't trust it.

[Lucia Keskin]

No, it's more so the fact that I wouldn't trust the one that's then £1 60. That's the same.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, interesting. So it's the other way around. You think you're actually being ripped off. Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

What are you doing? That's different.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

What on Earth are you doing? That's different to both of these baguettes.

[Ed Gamble]

But that stops you getting the 20 pence one.

[Lucia Keskin]

No, I won't.

[James Acaster]

We all just say, I don't like.

[Lucia Keskin]

I don't like the baguettes.

[Ed Gamble]

I think we can say pence. I mean, the sheets thing was worth discussing, I think. Pence.

[James Acaster]

I know that pence is the. But like, I haven't heard anyone say it in full for years. It's still 20p or 50p. You're both saying 20pence.

[Ed Gamble]

20Pence. Well, I was just going with what she was saying. Yes, but I also. I understood that pence is fine.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fine. But it's crazy that you're both saying it might be 20p. 20p again, 20p. Garlic bread.

[Lucia Keskin]

20P.

[James Acaster]

Not that garlic. But it's 20 pence.

[Lucia Keskin]

Too youthful.

[Ed Gamble]

So what's the dream garlic bread, then? Is it.

[Lucia Keskin]

I think ciabatta.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Lucia Keskin]

Always goes down well because it's just. It's just a nice sort of texture.

[Ed Gamble]

It's got a good bite to it. It's round.

[James Acaster]

How much you spend on that?

[Lucia Keskin]

It's usually quite expensive. But, you know, I don't mind, because you don't. They don't give you hundreds, they don't give you loads. Whereas the baguette is just slice after slice after slice.

[Ed Gamble]

It is. And quite often in the supermarket, they sell two in one packet.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. And I can't. One's going off.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Sat there next to the Nathan biscuit.

[Lucia Keskin]

Exactly. And then it just. Everything just smells like garlic.

[James Acaster]

Is that why you haven't eaten the Nathan biscuits?

[Lucia Keskin]

Well, I've not put in with the garlic bread, but I just can't get. I can't get on board with the baguettes of garlic bread.

[Ed Gamble]

Is this from a.

[Lucia Keskin]

Don't mind this. When they're sort of, you know, like that cut that way. Do you know what I mean? You know when they cut sort of like that.

[James Acaster]

Actually, I don't. So for the listener.

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, yeah.

[James Acaster]

So you put your fingers together in a circle and you held them, I guess, parallel to the floor and you went, I don't like them like this. And then you went vertical with it and went, I like them like that. It's the same shape. But you've got mine.

[Lucia Keskin]

I suppose they cut. I don't know how they cut them differently. I suppose a baguette, they cut from the height. They cut it in the height levels.

[James Acaster]

A good garlic bread baguette, I'd say, is diagonally yes, Sorry. Diagonally and not all the way down.

[Lucia Keskin]

That's what I meant. Diagonally.

[James Acaster]

That's what I like.

[Lucia Keskin]

Diagonal. That's what I thought to say.

[Ed Gamble]

I think I've ever seen a garlic bread cut diagonally.

[James Acaster]

Not like fully, like one corner to the other.

[Ed Gamble]

I know what you mean.

[Lucia Keskin]

Corners are sort of like a slick taper edge.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. So the individual slices, when you get individual slices, like a Pizza Hut, they're sort of cut diagonally.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Pizza Hut pizza. Garlic bread.

[Ed Gamble]

I like Pizza Hut garlic bread.

[Lucia Keskin]

From the buffet.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

From the buffet, yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

That's really good, actually.

[James Acaster]

Your dream starter.

[Lucia Keskin]

I don't like starters.

[Ed Gamble]

Cool.

[Lucia Keskin]

Because I just get full up.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, well, we don't need to bother with them. No, I don't think we do need.

[Lucia Keskin]

To bother with starters.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. They're my favorite.

[Lucia Keskin]

What do you get?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, it depends what's on offer.

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, nice.

[James Acaster]

Give a bit of answer.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. You know, there's many things you can get for starters.

[Lucia Keskin]

It's true.

[Ed Gamble]

You've seen them. It's not like you don't know what they are.

[Lucia Keskin]

I've had them before in the past.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. But they just never.

[Lucia Keskin]

Only if I'm starving.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

But then I just won't eat my mane.

[Ed Gamble]

Really.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. I'll eat a bit and then I'll. Go on, fill up. Because I've had a starter.

[James Acaster]

Wow. How big is this starter?

[Lucia Keskin]

Just little.

[James Acaster]

You felt you filled up on that.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I mean, you like small things. You should love a stuff.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. They're not often small, are they? They're not, you know, they're not small versions of food. They're just less Porsche. They're just less things of it.

[Ed Gamble]

But this is the dream restaurant.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So in.

[Lucia Keskin]

In the dream restaurant, I'd get, you know, a tiny. A tiny two. No, like two. Two pound size of two quid. Yeah. But put together, I'm trying to think of. There's no coin that's that size. You get what I mean, like if you. If you blended two pound coins.

[James Acaster]

Oh, you want two pound coins, Not a two pound coin.

[Lucia Keskin]

You know, two pound coins.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Two pound coins. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So he's talking about two one pound coins.

[Lucia Keskin]

No, no, no. You know, two pound coins.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. So the bigger ones.

[Lucia Keskin]

Two of them.

[Ed Gamble]

Two two pound coins.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

But if they were together, like, say what size? If that's like something outside.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

So I guess a four pound coin.

[James Acaster]

If you can picture it, like if.

[Lucia Keskin]

They existed, they'd probably be around that size one day. So that size is small enough. It'll be a great size starter of say maybe pasta.

[James Acaster]

Four pounds worth of pasta.

[Ed Gamble]

Hang on.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Four pound coin.

[Ed Gamble]

Not weight in a. In like a bowl. Yeah, yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Or a plate.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But as long as it's like the sound. The size of a four pound tray.

[Lucia Keskin]

You know, in the. If it's in the dream world.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Do you want it to look like a little bowl of pasta with like a tiny fork in it and stuff?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Tiny.

[Ed Gamble]

What sort of pasta? What sort of pasta?

[James Acaster]

I don't think we need to know that.

[Ed Gamble]

I want to know.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. It would have to be a different pasta.

[Ed Gamble]

To what.

[Lucia Keskin]

To what I'd have in my main.

[Ed Gamble]

So you have your pasta view.

[James Acaster]

Spoiler alert.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, sorry.

[Ed Gamble]

Could have had anything. A small version of anything for your starter.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Only thing you can think of is pasta.

[James Acaster]

So it's gonna be a different type of pasta too, man. Now.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

We can come back to it then.

[James Acaster]

Well, you can choose what your starter maybe doesn't. We'll see.

[Lucia Keskin]

Pasta.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. And like what kind of pasta?

[Lucia Keskin]

Spaghetti.

[James Acaster]

Spaghetti. Tomato. Tomato based spaghetti.

[Ed Gamble]

Little tiny meatballs.

[Lucia Keskin]

No meat.

[Ed Gamble]

No meat.

[James Acaster]

Just like basil.

[Lucia Keskin]

The tomatoes and. Yes, I love basil.

[Ed Gamble]

I was thinking more of the impact of it being tiny because I think little meatballs on top.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Really make it come alive when it's tiny, right?

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, Yeah. I don't mind it. I just. I think it's just when it's that small.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Why. Why kill an animal?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I wasn't imagining that they killed it and then just took two meatballs worth and then just like threw it in the bin.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

If they've killed it like an animal in your pocket, that's all right for the meatballs.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Can't trade that back.

[Lucia Keskin]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

Be awful if you traded.

[Lucia Keskin]

That would be. I'd feel awful.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

They'd have a right to complain then.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

If you gave someone a.

[Lucia Keskin]

If I say, sorry, I can't swap it back because it's little plate of meatballs now.

[Ed Gamble]

Today's episode of the Off Menu podcast is brought to you by Real California Milk.

[James Acaster]

Here's something you might not know, ed. 99% of California dairies are family owned. These are generations of farm families who care deeply for their cows, their land and their communities. And that care shows up in every product. Cheese, butter, milk, yogurt. The things that make meals special. Family meals. Wouldn't be the same without Ahmed. Personally, I'm a fan of milk. Love milk in a pint. A half pint sometimes. I'll shot it. Also, I know that you love cheese. Ed, you love a cheese board. You've spoke about it on off menu all the time and I always get angry about it. But the listeners know the truth. I love a bit of cheese.

[Ed Gamble]

So next time you're at the store, look for the real California milk seal. The mark of dairy made by real California farm families.

[Zoe]

Morning, Zoe. Got donuts.

[Jeff Bridges (Character)]

Jeff Bridges, why are you still living above our garage?

[Zoe]

Well, I dig the mattress and I want to be in a T mobile commercial like you. Teach me. So Dana.

[Jeff Bridges (Character)]

Oh no, I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly at t mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them. It's designed to be the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system.

[Zoe]

Wow, impressive. Let me try. T Mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best network.

[Lucia Keskin]

Nice.

[Jeff Bridges (Character)]

Jeffrey, you heard them.

[Zoe]

T Mobile is the best place to.

[Ed Gamble]

Get the new iPhone 17 Pro on us with eligible traded in any condition.

[Zoe]

So what are we having for lunch?

[Jeff Bridges (Character)]

Dude, my work here is done.

[T-Mobile Announcer]

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[Mark Bittman]

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[James Acaster]

Your dream main course.

[Lucia Keskin]

Pasta. I love pasta. Yeah, that's sort of my main sort of meal.

[Ed Gamble]

How often you eating pasta?

[Lucia Keskin]

Four times, five times a week. Wow. I just can't think of anything else ever. I don't know how anyone does in terms of food. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Meals.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

It's so debilitating thinking of a new meal every day.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

So it's just pasta and you can get it and it's dry, doesn't go off.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

You just have to, you know, put it in the. On the boil.

[Ed Gamble]

So you're having this four or five times a week.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Have you thought about trying to maybe introduce one new meal into the rotation and then.

[Lucia Keskin]

At least I do different types of pasta.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. That's not what I meant.

[Lucia Keskin]

I don't think you mean just like, not pasta.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. Well, the issue is I don't. I don't. I'm not massive. I don't love meat, but I do eat chicken. But I feel bad. So the only thing I can think of that's not meat is pasta. Because otherwise it's just, what else is there that's not meat? Meat or pasta?

[Ed Gamble]

All the other carbs, I guess.

[Lucia Keskin]

But I've had, you know, chicken stuff. It's always pasta or chicken stuff, like in a wrap or in a ciabatta.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. You like those.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So when it came to choosing your dream menu, did you just do all the foods that you could actually think of?

[Lucia Keskin]

I think I just would go with pasta just because I do like it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Like, it's not even that I can think of it. It's just what I like. And it's just a coincidence that I can't think of anything else.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Like, what other. What meals are you doing every day?

[James Acaster]

Listen, it's been well documented on this podcast that I went through a pasta four nights a week phase.

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, really?

[James Acaster]

You know, so I can't.

[Ed Gamble]

When you get stuck in a loop.

[James Acaster]

I can't make fun of you for this.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

So what have you had this week for dinner?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I'm away on tour, so I'm eating a lot of Nando's, to be honest, so I'm stuck in her Nando's loop.

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, God.

[James Acaster]

A poke bowl yesterday.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. I can't do that. I've tried that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Don't understand, but.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't you understand?

[Lucia Keskin]

I just don't get it. There's too many things happening. Those. Was it like a. Like a long flat peas. They throw them in, don't they?

[Ed Gamble]

Long flat peas, sheet of peas.

[Lucia Keskin]

You know, they're like this. They're like. You know, they're like a P plus size edamame. I'm flat. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Is that it? Yeah. Is that it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. That's what Ed calls his mum.

[Ed Gamble]

Ed Mummy.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't. I'm not into them, but they. That when you have a pokeball, that's all it is.

[Ed Gamble]

It's not. I mean, there is a lot going on in them, but you can, like, build your own. You can put in what you like.

[Lucia Keskin]

It's just rice, though, isn't it? Rice.

[Ed Gamble]

Some of it's rice.

[Lucia Keskin]

Then. Then peas.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Fish.

[Lucia Keskin]

And then. Oh, see, fish. I hate fish.

[Ed Gamble]

Right.

[Lucia Keskin]

Can't find fish.

[Ed Gamble]

Tofu.

[Lucia Keskin]

Tofu, what's that?

[Ed Gamble]

What?

[Lucia Keskin]

Tofu.

[James Acaster]

Are you asking because you haven't heard of it?

[Lucia Keskin]

I've never had it.

[James Acaster]

You've never heard of it? I've heard of it, yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

I don't know what it is. See, I definitely didn't think it belonged in a poke. A poke bowl.

[Ed Gamble]

What was interesting about your reaction to hearing about tofu was you said tofu. What's that? As if you'd never heard of it before.

[James Acaster]

It was like. Yeah, you'd never.

[Lucia Keskin]

I've heard of it, but I'm still yet to know what it is other than white chunks.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Well, it definitely is white chunks. What's in it exactly?

[Ed Gamble]

Soy.

[James Acaster]

Soy.

[Lucia Keskin]

What's soy?

[James Acaster]

Like a bean?

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, it's just like a bean.

[Ed Gamble]

It's another bean, really.

[Lucia Keskin]

Just a bean. I don't want it.

[James Acaster]

I want that.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you not like things mixed up?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

It depends what it is.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Give me an example of other things.

[Ed Gamble]

In the poke bowl.

[James Acaster]

Oh, things that are mixed up.

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, what, like, say, rice and then beans?

[James Acaster]

A burrito.

[Lucia Keskin]

I don't like burritos. I've tried them, but there. I just don't trust them as much as fajitas. Because. Why is there baked beans in them?

[James Acaster]

Oh, there's not.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I wouldn't say that.

[Lucia Keskin]

The sauce.

[Ed Gamble]

I wouldn't. Beans yeah.

[James Acaster]

You know what? I genuinely think some. Having a very good time.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

This podcast, just anyone who's listening to it in the future, I honestly think this is a grower, this. This episode and that if you re. Listen to it, you'll enjoy it more every time. So even if you're sitting there, are you getting frustrated with the three of us? I think that. I think give it another listen.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

This is. It's like. It's like any number of albums. Yeah. You know, trout, mouse replica.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Jesus.

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So it's not baked beans, I would say.

[Lucia Keskin]

And beans. Yeah. I don't like. And there's not sort of a room for the wrap. It's all just. It's tiny, little. Tiny little layer of wrap and then just all filling.

[Ed Gamble]

A lot of filling so much in it. They're very heavy when you get them as well.

[Lucia Keskin]

Fit it in.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to take too big of a bite.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. Shouldn't you get, you know, cold sores and everything?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I'm eating burritos, you know, cracking.

[Lucia Keskin]

The sides of the.

[James Acaster]

Oh, wow.

[Ed Gamble]

So you. When you get a burrito, are you trying to fit the whole thing in your mouth?

[Lucia Keskin]

How else are you supposed to take.

[Ed Gamble]

A bite out the side. The corner?

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But you're not going. You're not trying to get the whole thing. Okay. Just because you said that, you're cracking the sides of your mouth trying to eat.

[Lucia Keskin]

So, like, tall.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, they're tall.

[Ed Gamble]

They are tall. They're wrapped in sheets, though.

[James Acaster]

That's got to be.

[Lucia Keskin]

Well, I like the tin foil. I love food wrapped in tin foil.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you?

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, it just always tastes nice.

[Ed Gamble]

What else?

[Lucia Keskin]

When you go to, like, five guys.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

And you get a burger and it's wrapped in tinfoil, you just think, oh, it's going to be nice because it's in tinfoil.

[James Acaster]

Do you never think of that when you're having your food?

[Lucia Keskin]

Well, I have that because it's just down the road.

[James Acaster]

5. Nice burger.

[Ed Gamble]

It is exciting getting something in tinfoil.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Because it's warm as well.

[Lucia Keskin]

Not enough. You don't get enough stuff in tinfoil.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[Lucia Keskin]

I don't want cling film, though.

[James Acaster]

Don't like it.

[Lucia Keskin]

It's just not as, you know, appetizing. If you get. If you get a burger wrapped in cling film.

[James Acaster]

Oh, forget it.

[Lucia Keskin]

This looks like a sandwich, doesn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

When have you ever had a burger wrapped in cling film?

[Lucia Keskin]

I haven't.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[James Acaster]

Please. Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

If I. Yeah. Prefer Tim, for example.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, but cling film's great for, you know, things that you've opened. You want to keep them, you know, sealed shut.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it is good for that. It was. I wrap people's presence in tinfoil sometimes.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Just because if I'm in a panic and are in a rush.

[James Acaster]

Do you know?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I know that. Well, I don't need.

[Lucia Keskin]

You don't need any Sellotape, do you?

[Ed Gamble]

No, exactly.

[Lucia Keskin]

Scissors.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I actually don't. Actually had a business idea, which we might need to edit out, but. Because it's really good.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I guarantee I haven't heard this yet, but we don't need to edit this out.

[Ed Gamble]

Like wrapping paper on the outside, but it's got. It's like tin foil on the inside.

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh. So you can use it for, like.

[Ed Gamble]

The kitchen and you can wrap it. Wrap any present in it and just fold it over, tuck it in and then you don't need to do sellotape or. And it also adheres to the present more, so you don't need to.

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, so it's not for, like, both kitchen and.

[Ed Gamble]

No, because it would have paper on the outside, so I wouldn't heat it up. It's mainly for wrapping.

[Lucia Keskin]

What's the. Why would it need to be tin foil?

[Ed Gamble]

Because that's what it's so good at. You can, like, fold it over bendable and you can just wrap a present in on the adverts. I'm gonna say, like, five seconds.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

For even big presents, I suppose.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You cut all that.

[Lucia Keskin]

You could even get just, you know, the tin foil.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Not make it silver, make it red.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

That's quite good. But I. I just think you want the different designs on it. You may. You want to make it look like paper.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Because what my. In my experience, when you give someone a present wrapped in tinfoil, they're not that happy with it.

[Lucia Keskin]

But have you ever given someone a present wrapped in red tin for.

[Ed Gamble]

No. Don't know where to find it.

[Lucia Keskin]

Exactly. Be cheaper, though, wouldn't it, than doing paper antim for it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but it's my business. I don't want to speak.

[James Acaster]

What if the tinfoil itself just had design on it? Can you not do that?

[Ed Gamble]

No, because then that's still tin foil. It needs to look like paper.

[James Acaster]

But what if it was like. Like shiny wrapping paper? It's got, like, red stars on it and like, if it's gold with red stars on it and that's what the tin foil is.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I just know.

[James Acaster]

And then you wrap it up in.

[Ed Gamble]

That there's paper on the outside and tin foil on the inside.

[James Acaster]

Is that even possible? Scientifically?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

But bubble wrap.

[Ed Gamble]

Bubble wrap, yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Do you like that? Yeah, I love bubble wrap. You don't use it enough for food, though, do we?

[James Acaster]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

We should do, though. What?

[James Acaster]

Why should we?

[Ed Gamble]

It's fun.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It'd be part of your business venture as well. You add this to it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Bubble wrap.

[James Acaster]

Wrap. Wrapping food and bubble wrap.

[Ed Gamble]

Bubble wrap. Sandwich wrap.

[James Acaster]

What would need it? An egg, I guess.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. Or when you order, say, a frappe, you know, and it comes sort of everywhere. What? You know when you order like a frappe.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Or something that's got whipped cream on it. Yeah. And it arrives and it's all over the place.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

I don't like the tin foil all round it. Have you ever ordered a drink on, like a delivery service?

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah. Oh, cling film. Sometimes they cling film to the point.

[Lucia Keskin]

Where there's no entrance.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. Bubble wrap would be better option, surely, because you can just give it a little tape and then it's easy.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. One shape.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where is definitely for the deliveries. They should. Yeah. Bubble wrap would revolutionize it.

[Lucia Keskin]

There's no hurt. It won't get hurt.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Ben.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Now, listen, Ben is annoyed that we've only got pasta for your main. Written down.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. We'd like some specific.

[Jeff Bridges (Character)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Oh, mad. We went off and waited on a Tandy.

[Lucia Keskin]

If you've actually got more, it would be boiled rigatoni.

[Ed Gamble]

Boiled specifically.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Classic kind of new pasta.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. I love the fat tubes pasta.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

So there's the rigatoni one or the one that's even, like, larger. You know, the one that's even wider.

[James Acaster]

I know. When you mean that.

[Lucia Keskin]

I don't know what it's called.

[Ed Gamble]

Like cannelloni. Like that.

[James Acaster]

The big Jenga of the rigatoni world.

[Lucia Keskin]

Is kind of like Canarioni, but I don't know if I want it that big because that's huge.

[Ed Gamble]

That's huge. That's like addition. So you'd only have like, four of those. Yeah, Three of those.

[James Acaster]

What currency would that be? That's an eight pound coin.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

At least.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, definitely. And then red onion.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

With garlic, tomato paste, double cream vodka. Just cook it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, and cheese, obviously.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Parmesan.

[Ed Gamble]

How much parmesan?

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, it needs to have a lot of chili flakes in it as well. And just all the spices. All the spices, like, you know, chili flakes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Hang on.

[Ed Gamble]

Because you said chili flakes we're like, yeah, tick.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And then you said all the spices.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, yeah, I just meant like more of those.

[James Acaster]

Each individual chili flake. Yeah, yeah. And that's something that you do at home. Yes. You do the vodka rigatoni at home.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. I've only just started putting the vodka in it and the chili flakes. I used to just do the, the tomato paste, the cream and the cheese, but now it's like tastes of stuff.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, that is good when you find that out.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, yeah. I used to be a bit scared of spice, but now it's quite, you know, it gives you something to do, gives you something to. It's nice to feel something, especially if you got, you know, blocked up nose or something.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you want, in your dream meal, do you want to have a blocked up nose when you arrive and then the past, like a full one sort.

[Lucia Keskin]

Of, you know, and it's like, you know that it's fixable.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. But that relief.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. Would be great.

[Ed Gamble]

Suddenly having a clear nose.

[Lucia Keskin]

Is this like a meal? Like my last meal?

[James Acaster]

No, no.

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, it's just a dream meal.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Might as well have a blocked up.

[James Acaster]

Nose if it's your last meal. You don't want a blocked up nose.

[Lucia Keskin]

I wouldn't really want to go that way.

[James Acaster]

No, no, no.

[Lucia Keskin]

Well, although it would sort of, you know, take your mind off it would make you think, well, I might as.

[James Acaster]

Well go, really, Because I got a blocked up knife.

[Lucia Keskin]

Just another thing, another reason to, you know.

[James Acaster]

And yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So it's not that the blocked up nose is the reason why you're like.

[Lucia Keskin]

No, you just think, well, I am. I'm on my way out, it's my last meal, so. And I've got a blocked up nose.

[James Acaster]

So if you were on death row, you had a blocked up nose.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It's your day to be executed.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And John Coffey from the Green Mile is in the cell next to you.

[Lucia Keskin]

Who?

[James Acaster]

John Coffey.

[Ed Gamble]

Have you seen the Green Mile? Not the Green Giant.

[James Acaster]

Oh, John Coffee's name. Me. He said Queen Mile.

[Ed Gamble]

Sweet corn.

[James Acaster]

Sweet corn.

[Ed Gamble]

Because she was thinking of the Green Giant.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

He sounds lovely.

[James Acaster]

Oh, so you thought maybe he is big, though. The Jolly Green Giant's name is John Coffey. The Jolly Green Giant has a name.

[Ed Gamble]

And it's John Coffey.

[Lucia Keskin]

Is it coffee as in coffee?

[James Acaster]

No, it's actually, it's like the drink but not spelled the same. It's C O, F, F, E, Y.

[Lucia Keskin]

Nice.

[James Acaster]

John Coffee, he's a character in a Book that got made into a film.

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, he's not a friend of yours?

[James Acaster]

No, I have a friend called John. Coffee's not my friend. But if you see the film, you do feel like he's your friend.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Good hearted character.

[Ed Gamble]

Gentle, gentle giant.

[James Acaster]

He is very tall. Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

And what did he do?

[James Acaster]

He can heal people with his hands and he offers to take it away. He says I can take it away, boss, to people. And then he touches them and then he absorbs whatever it is and then it's expelled out of his mouth in the form of like flies like that all like disappear into the air.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It's very painful for him. It takes a lot out of him. But he can do that.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Would you let him take away your blocked up nose?

[Lucia Keskin]

I mean if I've got flies coming out of my mouth.

[James Acaster]

It won't come out of your mouth.

[Ed Gamble]

They'll come out drunk off his mouth, come out.

[James Acaster]

John Coffee's now he'll touch your nose with his hand, just go away. And then you'll get an unblocked nose and then he'll put his head up to the sky and all the flies will come out of his mouth.

[Lucia Keskin]

But I suppose if he's up for it. I wouldn't, I wouldn't want to say if he, if he's had a, you know, rough day.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

It depends how many he's done.

[James Acaster]

I suppose that day, that day it's already. If he offers a man of his bladder infection and I suppose it's just.

[Lucia Keskin]

A blocked up nose, he would have had worse.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Is it based on the severity of the thing that he's taken on, how bad, how many flies there are.

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, then I'm sure he's, you know, it's blocked up. No, Sim is just walking, walking, you know, the park.

[Ed Gamble]

Just gonna be one fly coming out.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, just.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, one fly. Yeah, yeah. But I'm, I'm just, I could, I.

[Lucia Keskin]

Would also say, you know, I've got, I've got some spicy pasta coming.

[James Acaster]

Dream side dish.

[Lucia Keskin]

Maybe some chips.

[James Acaster]

No. Maybe some chips.

[Lucia Keskin]

I like potatoes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Like in chips or potato salad. I made a potato salad the other day.

[Ed Gamble]

Did you? There you go. That's not pasta.

[James Acaster]

So.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, but I mean it's sort of. It felt lovely and it felt nice but if I have it again, I'll eat that and then it will be pasta and potatoes.

[James Acaster]

Huh.

[Lucia Keskin]

You know. No, well, it will be. Yeah, I can have pasta and potato salad. So I thought, well, it's just, you know. Yeah. I've Got another thing, but it's just potato salad.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. But then you can add another thing.

[Lucia Keskin]

Well, I had chicken with it, but again, I said that it's chicken or to pasta.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Potato salad sort of is just a side dish, isn't it? Like, you can't just say, I'm gonna have potato salad for dinner.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's true.

[Lucia Keskin]

I would. But, yeah, you can't.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, Anthony from Blue told me his favorite food was potato salad.

[Lucia Keskin]

It's so. I hate it when you can't. When you buy in the shop, though, it's absolutely the worst thing in the world. They just don't cook the potatoes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Horrible. But when you make it, it's amazing.

[Ed Gamble]

Can you talk us through your potato salad recipe?

[Lucia Keskin]

Well, I bought some tiny potatoes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Put them in the boil, smashed them, and then put them in the oven. And then just. I did put too much onion in it, though.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Lucia Keskin]

Two whole onions.

[James Acaster]

Like white onions.

[Lucia Keskin]

No, red and white.

[James Acaster]

Red and white one.

[Ed Gamble]

One red one. One white.

[Lucia Keskin]

One red, one white. One spring, one chive.

[James Acaster]

Oh, wow.

[Lucia Keskin]

So it was a bit too much of onion.

[James Acaster]

Agreed. That is too many.

[Lucia Keskin]

And then mayonnaise. But it was nice, you know, have something different than pasta.

[Ed Gamble]

See, what I like to hear about this is you've boiled them, but then you've, like, roasted them off as well, so they're crispy.

[Lucia Keskin]

Crispy Potato salad.

[Ed Gamble]

That's really good.

[Lucia Keskin]

I saw it on Instagram.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

So I did it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. When you said that, I thought that.

[Lucia Keskin]

It was honestly so nice. It was just too much onion.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I think.

[Lucia Keskin]

Really, really too much onion.

[James Acaster]

Four types of onions.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Was that in the Instagram recipe as well?

[Lucia Keskin]

I think I saw one recipe where a man used it. Red onion. I saw a recipe where a man used white onion, and then one where he spring and chives.

[Ed Gamble]

And you combine them.

[Lucia Keskin]

Just. Yeah, combine them all. Because you. It's. You can't get everything right first time.

[Ed Gamble]

Are you gonna do it? You do it again?

[Lucia Keskin]

I'll do it again. Yeah. I just. We'll use. I just use less onion.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

But it was really nice, honestly.

[Ed Gamble]

It does sound good.

[Lucia Keskin]

Maybe. Actually, I think I would have that as my side dish.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I would go for the. The spring and the chive myself, though.

[Lucia Keskin]

I am trying to learn to eat more of the other food groups.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Because they all seem to just be carbohydrates.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. So far we've got bread, which we ask you about, but then pasta.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And potatoes.

[Lucia Keskin]

I keep trying to sort of venture.

[Ed Gamble]

Out, but not Going well, you have.

[Lucia Keskin]

To keep doing it. You've got to do it once.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

So it's just. You feel like you're just never gonna. Never going to get out of that, you know, headspace of carbs. You're always just going to feel, like, old.

[Ed Gamble]

Is that how carbs make you feel?

[Lucia Keskin]

I feel just, you know, I barely move.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Just sleep on your round blanket.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. And that's it. But there's, there's, you know, the other groups.

[James Acaster]

Name them.

[Lucia Keskin]

Vegetables.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. They're always good.

[James Acaster]

Keep the porters in bonito for this section.

[Lucia Keskin]

It's that, isn't it? It's vegetables or things like potatoes and pasta.

[Ed Gamble]

Carbs and vegetables.

[Lucia Keskin]

Carbs and vegetables.

[Ed Gamble]

But I guess it's like, oh, meat. Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Meat. Protein. Protein. Protein. Vegetables. Vegetables. Is that the name of their category?

[James Acaster]

I think it is.

[Lucia Keskin]

Vegetables.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't know the official names of the categories, but I think vegetables is like an umbrella term. Wheat was probably in carb. It's probably.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. Got enough wheat soon. Well, I don't get any of. I need to eat more.

[Ed Gamble]

Dairy.

[Lucia Keskin]

Dairy, yeah. Well, this is the issue. I love dairy as well. That's why I think I could be vegetarian.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

But I couldn't be vegan.

[Ed Gamble]

Because of the dairy.

[Lucia Keskin]

Because of the dairy. Because the dairy is just brilliant and I think, you know, it's just from, you know, utters.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

But I mean, I think they're not dead, are they?

[James Acaster]

No.

[Lucia Keskin]

Just if anything, I do encourage, you.

[James Acaster]

Know, they have to be alive to get the milk out there.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Can't get him out of dead udder.

[Lucia Keskin]

I think. Yeah. The dream would be to have my own farm and look after my own cows to make sure that they're not being, you know, treated poorly.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

I can still get dairy from them and then, you know, give them a. Something to eat after or something.

[James Acaster]

Because you like tiny things and you've had like, you know, cows in your pocket and stuff like that. Were you, like, not really. Like, the big cows Wouldn't. Would you won't really like them. You'll be like, oh, I don't want to look after these, because actually, I wish they were.

[Lucia Keskin]

Although if it meant I could. If I could have dairy and it'd be, you know, positive experience for the cows.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

I feel better about it because it would mean I'm, you know, I'm not going to ASDA and buying, you know, evil dairy.

[Ed Gamble]

Have you ever milked a cow?

[Lucia Keskin]

No. Never met a cow.

[Ed Gamble]

You've met a cow?

[Lucia Keskin]

No.

[James Acaster]

What you've Seen cows.

[Lucia Keskin]

I've seen them and you know, like the street, when you walk, when you drive past a cow farm. I've never got like gone up, like introduced myself or anything.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

No, not up close.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Seen a horse.

[James Acaster]

I was meeting the horse.

[Lucia Keskin]

It's all right. Very tall.

[James Acaster]

So if you saw a horse and Stephen Merchant next to each other, a sheet of things.

[Ed Gamble]

Fruit is another.

[Lucia Keskin]

I like fruit. But my issue with I think fresh food, vegetables and fruit is just how they just don't age well. You buy fruit, you have to really, really want it instantly or it's gone. That's. It's just, it's so. I find it so stressful. You can't plan a week's meal of fruit and veg, full stop, because it will be. It will be off by the get to day three.

[James Acaster]

I guess you could plan if you planned it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

How? Please tell.

[James Acaster]

Well, sometimes I'll be like, right, I'm gonna. I get in the shop and I go, I've got this many days free that I need to do meals on and I should be eating more vegetables.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

I'll get this aubergine for that meal. I can grill that. I can grill these leaks. I can get these avocados for breakfast that day. And you just like, you know, you. How many meals you've got.

[Lucia Keskin]

But don't they go off?

[James Acaster]

No, because if I've. If I'm only getting it for the.

[Lucia Keskin]

Week because I've got a bag of lettuce in my fridge.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

And I opened it to put in something.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Lucia Keskin]

And then I looked this morning. It's brown. Yeah, I opened it yesterday.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, that doesn't feel right.

[Lucia Keskin]

No, no, it happens. Always happens to me. So it feels like, what's the point if I'm not going to eat a whole bag of lettuce?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

What? It's just going to go brown the next day. I have to be buying bags of lettuce every day. I don't want to buy one of them whole. You know, you can get them as a whole lettuce.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

I don't want to do that.

[James Acaster]

Why?

[Lucia Keskin]

Because they're all brown on the. They're all like covered in mud. You have to take like four sheets of lettuce off.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Before you get to.

[Ed Gamble]

Are they covered in mud?

[Lucia Keskin]

Like little bits of bad. Little bits of bugs from the, from the shop.

[Ed Gamble]

What about washing it?

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, but the out. The outside layer, sort of unwashable, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

It's got sort of feels waxy.

[Lucia Keskin]

It's been used, it's been touched, it's been.

[James Acaster]

You know, what if you peeled the outside layer off and then washed it?

[Lucia Keskin]

But it's sort of. They don't come in. The layers overlap, don't they? It's like one layer goes into the other layer. So you pull off one layer and you go, oh, perfect. You put a few other layer and it sort of takes off the next layer. So then you pull off the other layer and then you've got like an egg. It's just not worth it. So I just buy it in a.

[James Acaster]

Bag and it goes brown the next day.

[Lucia Keskin]

It's brown the next day. Yeah. So that's why I don't eat a lot of vegetables. But I am trying. Just don't know how to, you know, what to do with them or where to put them.

[Ed Gamble]

You could even, you know, just put them in, you know, with the pasta. Right.

[James Acaster]

You can.

[Lucia Keskin]

Well, I thought there's something in the pasta, so.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I don't know how much you're getting from onion though, in terms of. Yeah, in terms of you're saying I want to eat more vegetables because it's like more nutrients.

[Lucia Keskin]

You just want to feel like more. More alive and stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. But I don't think onion's gonna do anything.

[Lucia Keskin]

No.

[James Acaster]

Well, like Ed and I are a couple of like pushover youth workers.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Try to get through to one of the promises. Yeah. But more stubborn kids in the youth center. Yeah. I don't really feel like you get that much from London though, on its own. So like, have you considered other things?

[Lucia Keskin]

I love cabbage. That's nice. But like only in like a roast dinner. I wouldn't just eat a cabbage like in a pasta.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Cabbage pasta. I would say probably not. You know, when you see like Jamie Oliver on stuff and he's giving tips to parents on how to get more vegetables into their kids diet by sort of almost tricking them by like blending it up in pasta sauces.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Have you ever thought of doing that and trying to trick yourself?

[Lucia Keskin]

I have blended. I have tried to make soup before from vegetables, but it just, was all just like lumps of vegetables. I blended it and it just didn't. It just tasted like a blended vegetables. It wasn't like it was, you know, Was it country house? What's that soup called?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, something like that. I know, I know what you mean. Yeah, the cartons.

[Lucia Keskin]

Cartons. It wasn't like that. It was just like the recipe said. Yep. Roast your vegetables, put them in a blender. You'll get this lovely soup.

[Ed Gamble]

Just tasted like there feels like there needs to be another liquid element.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Like a vegetable stock or something.

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, yeah. I just put hot water in it because I thought you got all the veg, you got all the flavour.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

All the vegetables, but apparently not.

[Ed Gamble]

Did they say put hot water in with the vegetables and blend it?

[Lucia Keskin]

They put some. Yeah, they put. Poured something hot in.

[Ed Gamble]

I think that might have been vegetable stock.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Are you doing most of your cooking from Instagram?

[Lucia Keskin]

And I've got a cookbook.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, what cookbook have you got?

[Lucia Keskin]

Just some girl called Beth. Yeah. And she cooks. But it's always. It's always chicken.

[James Acaster]

Now this explains it.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, it's always chicken. Yeah. So I only look in it when I. When I'm not having pasta.

[James Acaster]

Your dream drink.

[Lucia Keskin]

I love milkshakes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

But that was sort of more. More in my. In my youth, I used to order a milkshake alongside, you know, a main course in a restaurant or like a pasta. Because it's just you're asking to not eat. You're asking to be full up. It's like having a con plan.

[James Acaster]

Like a what?

[Lucia Keskin]

A complain. We had that.

[Ed Gamble]

No, really, no.

[James Acaster]

What's that?

[Lucia Keskin]

It's like when you don't eat, your mum gives you a compliment.

[James Acaster]

What? Have you heard this word before?

[Lucia Keskin]

You know you've not eaten because, like, you're ill or, you know, you need to get nutrients or you've an appetite. Just have a compliment. Just get it in the health. It's got all your nutrients in it. Have you heard of it?

[James Acaster]

No. Ben's shaking his head.

[Ed Gamble]

Is it like a powder?

[Lucia Keskin]

It's a powder. You just fill it up with milk and drink. It fills you up.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think I ever not had that. I don't think I ever. My mom was ever in a situation where I hadn't eaten.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, I used to. Well, I suppose, like if I felt ill or if I was, you know, ill. Yeah. I was like, I really just don't want to eat. And she'd go, well, you need to, you know, you need to have something in you. So have a complain.

[Ed Gamble]

To you. When you have a milkshake with a mane, it's like you're having a compound.

[Lucia Keskin]

Sometimes I just have a compliment.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Because it's a meal in itself. And a milkshake.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

But I do like a milkshake as like, if it was just dream drink in general, without a meal, I would pick, you know, milkshake. But it's just so filling and so Sweet.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

That the older I get, the more I'm inclined to just have a glass of water.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Can we stick on the milkshake just for a bit?

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

I want to know what you've. Because obviously you're not going to have it with the meal. Because it's with the meal.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But if you were just having the milkshake, what flavor would you go for?

[Lucia Keskin]

I. I try and get a different one each time because I just always think, what if I'll find the next best milkshake? But I'd go from anything from, you know, just vanilla to one with like, loads of bits in, like, crunchy or bubble gum.

[James Acaster]

You know, bits of bubblegum in it.

[Lucia Keskin]

Bubblegum? Bits of, like, sweets. And I always dream about milkshakes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

But just, you know, I'll take anything I like to try.

[James Acaster]

What dreams are you having?

[Lucia Keskin]

Just, I dream about milkshake sometimes.

[James Acaster]

What do you mean?

[Lucia Keskin]

Like, I'll always be sort of in a parlor. I'll always be looking for a milkshake. And I'll get this, you know, extravagant milkshake. I'll sit and I wake up.

[James Acaster]

That's the dream before you change.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. It's just a pattern. It's that and other stuff.

[James Acaster]

What you keep. I mean, you seem like you're about to share another one of your dreams and then you decided against.

[Lucia Keskin]

I just didn't know if it was, you know, and gone. For context.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. To give context to it.

[Ed Gamble]

No. You've given them.

[Lucia Keskin]

Stood next to Big Ben.

[James Acaster]

Yep.

[Lucia Keskin]

And it's. I'm. There's a helicopter in the sky and I can see that it's not. Something's off.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

And it crashes into Big Ben. People fall out. Big Ben and the helicopter before that.

[James Acaster]

Big bad. Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

And then I turned to my left and Tamsin Outhwaite stood there and she says, oh, this is awful, isn't it? Like. Yeah, because I can't believe it. And that happens a lot.

[James Acaster]

There's that and the milkshake dream or theme parks.

[Lucia Keskin]

Just nothing in general. Just theme parks.

[James Acaster]

Well, you're not alone there, Benito. Dreams about theme parks, do you?

[Lucia Keskin]

I tried to. I've been willing meaning to Google it for ages. What it means if you constantly dream about theme parks. I think it's every night at some point.

[Ed Gamble]

Have you googled what the Big Ben one means?

[Lucia Keskin]

I mean, you don't know where to stop because once you start, you know, Google gives you all the suggestions until you get to Tamsin Althwaite and then Big Ben and a helicopter but it was the first time I had that dream. It was. It felt so real. So real.

[Ed Gamble]

The second time you had. Now you're like, don't worry.

[Lucia Keskin]

We both know what's gonna happen.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

We've been here before.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

But I don't know what. God knows what that means.

[Ed Gamble]

How do you feel about. Or have you ever had a freak shake?

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. That's sort of what I think I dream about.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Those ones. And I could send the bubble gum with the bits and they just. It just feels a bit like they just throw too much on. Like there's a. There's a cake on it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

And a candy floss. It's not a drink anymore. No, but I would if I was. If I wanted a milkshake, I'd eat in dinner. It's been a few hours. I'd go for it. Just don't know if I'd, you know, have the. The cake and the lollipop and everything after.

[James Acaster]

They seem designed for Instagram, isn't it?

[Lucia Keskin]

I mean, it is.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

You know, take a photo of it. I just want a plain plastic cup. I don't like milkshakes in paper.

[Ed Gamble]

I get you there.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, I really don't.

[Ed Gamble]

You want a plastic cup, though.

[Lucia Keskin]

I like to see through.

[Ed Gamble]

What about a glass, then?

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, but, you know, when you buy one out and they give it to you in like five guys now, they give you a milkshake and you can't see what the milkshake is. That's why I don't get milkshakes from five guys anymore.

[James Acaster]

You can't see it.

[Lucia Keskin]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

You don't trust it.

[Lucia Keskin]

Well, I just don't enjoy it as much. Whereas when you get milkshake in a plastic cup, you enjoy it because you know what it is and you can see it as you drink.

[James Acaster]

I mean, you're drinking that tea now.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, but teas never come in a clear, you know, cup, has it? Unless you've got a clear glass. Yeah, but I don't like the whole, you know, we're going to. From plastic to paper. I just can't.

[James Acaster]

Just can't.

[Ed Gamble]

It's about time someone took a stand against that.

[Lucia Keskin]

I mean, I get it.

[James Acaster]

Like the younger generation as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It's going to affect a bit environment.

[Lucia Keskin]

Come on. I just. Yeah, I miss it.

[Ed Gamble]

So if someone.

[Lucia Keskin]

I miss having lids on McFlurries.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Cut this out, Bonita. Clear paper.

[James Acaster]

Another job idea, another business venture.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. If you could figure that out.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, It's a good business idea that.

[Lucia Keskin]

You can get us just like.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, fair enough. That's pretty good.

[Lucia Keskin]

Isn't that transfer paper?

[Ed Gamble]

Not bad, actually. So you go back to five guys if they start putting their milkshakes in transfer paper.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, I just, I just miss it, that's all. Like, I'm not, I'm not gonna, you know, bash them. I just miss the.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I want to get it sorted out, so. Because what about if they change their cups to being paper? So better for the environment. Yeah, but they have a small plastic window in it, so you can at least see.

[Lucia Keskin]

It'll be a start. Yeah, but I just would then think, why don't you just make the whole thing.

[Ed Gamble]

Plastic environment.

[Lucia Keskin]

But what's it doing to the environment?

[Ed Gamble]

What, plastic? Yeah, loads.

[Lucia Keskin]

Can't they just. Yeah, I mean, but then just make plastic. That doesn't do anything bad to the environment. I've seen it happen. Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

What do you mean?

[Lucia Keskin]

Well, I've got given a straw the other day. It was plastic.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I think that's one of the things they rally against the most.

[Lucia Keskin]

No, but it must have been good for the environment.

[James Acaster]

Why? Because you got given it.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. They don't do them anymore, do they?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, they do.

[Ed Gamble]

Some places they. Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Places that don't give a.

[Lucia Keskin]

Well, it was sort of, it looked eco friendly. It felt it, it felt sort of grainy.

[Ed Gamble]

I think that's paper then.

[Lucia Keskin]

No, but it was plastic, so it's doable.

[James Acaster]

Well, I don't, do you not get.

[Lucia Keskin]

What I mean about plastic?

[James Acaster]

Missing it, missing it.

[Lucia Keskin]

No, I suppose you can't really say.

[James Acaster]

That, you know, anyway you can, but like I, I, I don't miss it. I actually prefer paper. The, the, yeah, those cardboard.

[Lucia Keskin]

Do you like paper straws?

[James Acaster]

I mean, I don't love them but I'll use them.

[Ed Gamble]

I like a metal straw.

[Lucia Keskin]

I just prefer. I don't mind glass drawers because you can see through them. But metal or plastic straws, the reusable ones, you just can never see if it's clean. There could be all sorts in there.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, what in this? In the straw?

[Lucia Keskin]

If you're reusing a straw. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

What if you wash it? Is it. Because that's not like washing the lettuce.

[Lucia Keskin]

Not at all. You have to get like a little brush. Straw brush.

[James Acaster]

Like a chimney sweep.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, it is.

[James Acaster]

What if you had a tiny, you like tiny things?

[Lucia Keskin]

I love tiny things.

[James Acaster]

If you were given a tiny little chimney sweep brush to wash your reusable straw. Yeah, yeah. You want to open out? Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

I've got glass straws. Because I don't. You know, I don't buy plastic straws.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Because apparently they're bad. But I do miss them. I don't mind it if you're eating in. If you're sitting in and they give you a milkshake and a glass.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Oh, look, I'm glad we're under glasses now. Milkshake in a cold glass. And then Ed's Diner, they used to do. And they'd have a glass of milkshake, and then they do the X, the extra milkshake, more milkshake in a tin cup that they'd blended the milkshake in.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, I remember that. My God, that was amazing.

[Ed Gamble]

I've told you this before. Surely you're gonna love this. Used to go to Ed's Diner every week with my dad. Go swimming, and then go to Ed's Diner already.

[James Acaster]

Love it.

[Lucia Keskin]

Wow.

[Ed Gamble]

And then I was. I was drinking a milkshake and I went, dad. And I just distinctly remember saying that I went, if you look out the window, that's England. But in here, we're in America.

[Lucia Keskin]

So true.

[James Acaster]

Still how his brain works now. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah.

[James Acaster]

100. Absolutely.

[Ed Gamble]

Say that out loud now.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely still. Fix that. That's really sweet.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

What would your dad say to that?

[Ed Gamble]

Probably on his phone.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that was my dad when I was a kid. He'd say, no, we're not. It's just illegal. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

He probably went, yes, very good.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Never met my dad.

[James Acaster]

But it now wants to know exactly what milkshake it is.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, I'll clarify.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Bonito is, like, very stressed.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

So if it was. If it was a dream drink just on its own, I'd pick a milkshake. But if it's with the meal, it would have to be maybe either still water or an appetizer.

[Ed Gamble]

So this is with the meal, so I think, well, you could have it.

[Lucia Keskin]

After, because I suppose you get water for the table, don't you?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

And then an appetizer, but.

[James Acaster]

So you're not having a milkshake now?

[Lucia Keskin]

Not with the meal, no. I could have that for dessert.

[Ed Gamble]

We don't want to change your dessert. So I.

[James Acaster]

Do you have a dessert. I mean, you can have the milkshake with the dessert.

[Lucia Keskin]

I like lots of desserts, so I.

[Ed Gamble]

Don'T think you should make it a milkshake, because then you're gonna have it. I think you could have the milkshake with the dessert, or you could have it after the meal if you wanted. If you're still Hungry?

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, I could do.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, do that then.

[Zoe]

Morning, Zoe. Got donuts.

[Jeff Bridges (Character)]

Jeff Bridges, why are you still living above our garage?

[Zoe]

Well, I dig the mattress and I want to be in a T mobile commercial like you teach me.

[Ed Gamble]

So.

[James Acaster]

Dana.

[Jeff Bridges (Character)]

Oh, no, I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly. @ T Mob. We'll get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them. It's designed to be the the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system.

[Zoe]

Wow, impressive. Let me try. T mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best network.

[Lucia Keskin]

Nice.

[Jeff Bridges (Character)]

Jeffrey, you heard them.

[Zoe]

T mobile is the best place to.

[Ed Gamble]

Get the new iPhone 17 Pro on us with eligible traded in any condition.

[Zoe]

So what are we having for launch?

[Jeff Bridges (Character)]

Dude, my work here is done.

[T-Mobile Announcer]

The 24 monthly bill credits on experience beyond for well qualified customers, plus tax and $35 device connection charge credit send and balance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel Finance agreement. IPhone 17 Pro 256 gigs $1099.99 and new line minimum $100 plus a month plan with auto paypals, taxes and fees required. Best mobile Network in the US based on analysis by Ooklab Speedtest Intelligence Data1h 2025 Visit t mobile.com if your eyes.

[Advertiser]

Are the windows to your soul and your glasses are the windows to your eyes, then it's pretty important to find your perfect frames. That's why at Warby Parker, we've made shopping for eyewear as easy and fun as can be. Peruse endless styles in our stores or use our app to virtually try on frames and get personalized recommendations. To find your next favorite pair of glasses, sunglasses or contact lenses, or to locate your nearest Warby Parker store, head over to warbyparker.com that's warbyparker.com.

[Lucia Keskin]

Desserts. Yes, I like ice cream.

[James Acaster]

Yep. Probably already in the milkshake.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, that's. I think it's close, isn't it? Because it blended together. Maybe creme brulee. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, but it depends if I've had like a really like Milky day. Do you get what I mean?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, if I've had a lot of.

[Lucia Keskin]

A lot of milk, I don't really want to end it on creme brulee.

[Ed Gamble]

Especially if you've got a milkshake knocking around as well.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, I wouldn't want a milkshake and a creme brulee. Maybe I'd have like a pie. Like a cherry pie.

[Ed Gamble]

That's good. Hey, now we really are in America.

[Lucia Keskin]

Choose a milkshake because there's so many. Like, I'll find myself, you know, having all sorts.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

On the spot.

[James Acaster]

Well, I guess we didn't mean to put you on the spot. I should have sent you these ahead of time, so apologies that I didn't.

[Lucia Keskin]

I think he did.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah, he did, yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

I just. I just. I just don't know how anyone's supposed to choose dessert.

[Ed Gamble]

What was the last great dessert you had?

[Lucia Keskin]

I think it was just a cup of ice cream, like a Mr. Whippy.

[Ed Gamble]

A cup of Mr. Whippy?

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. We've been to an ice cream parlor like London.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

And they've got all the. Like the ice cream without any air.

[Ed Gamble]

Bubbles and, like the nitro ice cream.

[James Acaster]

No, it's like soft serve stuff.

[Lucia Keskin]

It's like Italian ice cream.

[Ed Gamble]

Gelato.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

That's nice.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. That's not like Mr. Whippy, though.

[Lucia Keskin]

No, but you can get Mr. Whippy.

[Ed Gamble]

You can. Yeah, but not from an Italian ice cream parlor.

[Lucia Keskin]

But I'd probably get an Italian ice cream.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, a gelato.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, But I did have Mr. Whippy the other day.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but in a cup. Not in a cone and a cup.

[Lucia Keskin]

Because I don't like the cone.

[James Acaster]

From the van.

[Lucia Keskin]

From the van. It was. No, it was, you know, Leicester Square.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Just a guy there. What, next to the casino? No, he was just sort of built in the wall, you know. You know, next to the imax.

[James Acaster]

Like a hatch.

[Ed Gamble]

Look, he's in a hatch.

[Lucia Keskin]

Was he just a guy, then?

[Ed Gamble]

He wasn't built into the wall?

[Lucia Keskin]

No, the shop was.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

And he said, waffles, ice cream cakes, bubble tea. And I said, do you just do plain ice cream in a cup? He went, yeah. So he just poured out some Mr. Whippy into a cup. It was horrible.

[Ed Gamble]

That was your answer. So what was the last great dessert?

[Lucia Keskin]

Oh, great. It was just the last dessert. It was just all melted.

[Ed Gamble]

Have you ever used an ice cream machine before?

[Lucia Keskin]

No, I've always wanted to get one, but I don't like the fact that you can't use it instantly.

[Ed Gamble]

You have to let it cool down.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. I don't like that. You have to, you know, wait overnight. What's the point?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, they're hard to use as well, those. I use the Mr. Whippy machine for something and you have to do it quite slowly. Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

I love that, though, when you go somewhere like, you know when you go to Pizza Hut. Yeah, the Ice Cream Factory. That's brilliant. I think that's actually my dream dessert.

[James Acaster]

Actually, ice cream factory pizza.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, it's the best.

[Ed Gamble]

Can you talk us through the toppings that you put on?

[Lucia Keskin]

No sauce, just the sparkling strawberry pink balls. Yeah, just them. It's lovely.

[Ed Gamble]

Doesn't feel like you're making full use of the factory.

[Lucia Keskin]

I don't like when you overdo it. It just tastes like saucy cream. It's horrible. I just want the ice cream to really, really enjoy the flavor of the dairy. It's lovely. Just add some pink, pink glittery balls to it with like. It just like, adds a strawberry crunch.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. To be honest, I. I admire this because whenever I use any of these things, I just go, people do.

[Lucia Keskin]

I used to do. I used to do that when I was, you know, younger. And it. It looks great. Yeah. But as soon as you start going, it's just. I mean, chocolate soup with, you know, gummy bears and Smarties and it tastes like.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's mad. And I. And I do. Then look at the, you know, people like me, people like you. You had the restraint and the foresight to enjoy what would actually taste nice. I'm gonna do this.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And I do think, wow. Like, I wonder if I'll ever be like that.

[Lucia Keskin]

It's lovely. And you can just go back and get more.

[Ed Gamble]

I think if you're not like that now, James, you're never going to be like that.

[James Acaster]

No, I'm never going to be like it.

[Lucia Keskin]

Well, I used to be like it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, but you're 23, so if. If you've managed to change, I mean.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, yeah, it's true, actually.

[James Acaster]

I changed a lot between, you know, up until the age of 23, but now.

[Ed Gamble]

Too late.

[Lucia Keskin]

Did you change between 23 and 39?

[James Acaster]

39, yeah, I've changed, but not ice cream wise.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. And I don't think that's going to change for you.

[James Acaster]

No, that's in my DNA. Look at my dad.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Don't bring up that again.

[James Acaster]

Sorry.

[Lucia Keskin]

That's fine. I'm sure he's happy, you know, got.

[James Acaster]

A dog you love.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure he's happy I've got a dog. Are you saying he's happy that you've got a dog?

[Lucia Keskin]

I said I'm sure he's happy and I've got a dog.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. So I met your dog.

[Lucia Keskin]

You did.

[Ed Gamble]

Very sweet.

[Lucia Keskin]

Lovely. Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Nice dog.

[Lucia Keskin]

Lovely little dog. I love dogs. I'd love to have. Be surrounded by dogs as well for the meal.

[James Acaster]

That's nice.

[Ed Gamble]

Your own dog. Definitely.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. And some more.

[Ed Gamble]

Will your dog have a special Sort of position within the group of dogs, or will they just be in the mix of.

[Lucia Keskin]

She'll have her own little chair.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

With a little plate of cheese. Yeah, she loves cheese.

[James Acaster]

Does she?

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. And then the other dogs can just have sort of some snacks. Yeah. As well. Just because I don't want to be pestered.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

I want to give. Be able to give them some, but not enough. I can't give them my food because it's got onion in it. So.

[Ed Gamble]

Can dogs not have onion?

[Lucia Keskin]

No, I learned that the hard way.

[Ed Gamble]

Will you talk us through what happened?

[Lucia Keskin]

I just found out that if they have onion, they'll die.

[Ed Gamble]

Was that the hard way? Yeah, the hard way.

[James Acaster]

That the halfway is you don't die. Oh, really?

[Lucia Keskin]

God. I was. I thought it was. That was.

[James Acaster]

You got to be careful how you use that phrase. Don't go around, say to people, I learned that the hard way. When there's much harder ways. Yeah, than what? Than what?

[Ed Gamble]

You went.

[Lucia Keskin]

My dog's still got a brain disease. It just wasn't from onions.

[James Acaster]

I guess I just learned that technically.

[Lucia Keskin]

I did learn it the hard way.

[Ed Gamble]

No, because you didn't learn anything about the onions from your dog having a brain disease.

[Lucia Keskin]

No, but I did learn the hard way.

[James Acaster]

What do you mean?

[Lucia Keskin]

About, you know, having a dog. You get a dog, you know, learnt that the hard way.

[James Acaster]

She's now about what it's like to have a dog.

[Lucia Keskin]

She's now got meningitis.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But you didn't learn that dogs can't have onions the hard way. You just learned that.

[James Acaster]

You learned another thing the hard way. Yeah. That doesn't mean you should use that phrase for every situation you're in.

[Lucia Keskin]

But they can't have onions.

[James Acaster]

So you did learn that. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You learned that, but not the hard way.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, you learned that. A number of things.

[Ed Gamble]

I'd say. You learned that the easy way.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. You learned the fact she had an onion. Then.

[Lucia Keskin]

Then I've just, you know, killed her.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but you already knew that. So you not learned that the hard way. You just messed up.

[Lucia Keskin]

I wouldn't know that. She's eating the onion.

[James Acaster]

Sorry.

[Lucia Keskin]

Would I.

[James Acaster]

What do you mean?

[Lucia Keskin]

Well, I wouldn't. You don't always know if a dog's eat like this is the issue. The dog can just. You won't know. You don't always know if your dog's going to eat an onion. So you do sometimes learn the hard way.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, you would learn the hard way, but again, for that you would have to not know that. Dogs can't eat onion. And then your dog, without your knowledge, eats an onion and dies. Yeah. And then you take it to the vet and they go, I'm a little bit confused. You've learned the whole. Well, at least.

[Ed Gamble]

At least there's no onions in your kitchen ever.

[James Acaster]

No, but I really want make sure that she understands this because you are saying you're confused, but like I'm saying.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You read a fact about onions, said if dogs eat onions, they die. So you read that. And because of that, your dog hasn't eaten onions and nothing's happening.

[Lucia Keskin]

So I've learned that the hard way.

[James Acaster]

Because. Because your dog didn't eat it. So the hard way.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Is that you feed your dog an onion and it dies. Yeah. And then.

[Ed Gamble]

And then you find out how you learned. That's the hard way. Way.

[James Acaster]

That's the hard way.

[Lucia Keskin]

Just an expression though, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but it means something. So like if, like we all learn the hard way. You found out the hard way that dogs can get meningitis when your dog got meningitis.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You learn the hard way with the onion thing. You just read that.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah. But I think my dog. I don't know if I learned the hard way. My dog did just get meningitis.

[Ed Gamble]

Did you know before that the dogs could get meningitis?

[Lucia Keskin]

I suppose.

[James Acaster]

You already knew and then your dog later.

[Ed Gamble]

That would have been a perfect example.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Would have been a good example.

[Lucia Keskin]

But yeah, because we learned that the hard way.

[James Acaster]

I'll go read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You want still water?

[Lucia Keskin]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

You want jib? I don't even know how to pronounce it.

[Ed Gamble]

Give it a go.

[James Acaster]

Cheer batter.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, sounds great.

[James Acaster]

Garlic bread and sheets of poppadoms.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yep.

[James Acaster]

Starter. You want a four pound coin worth of spaghetti with tomato based sauce, main course vodka, rigatoni side, maybe some chips. That wasn't it. Potato salad, wasn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, we went the potato salad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

We got to a potato salad at the end.

[Ed Gamble]

Your potato salad that you could.

[James Acaster]

You made with the smashed potatoes.

[Lucia Keskin]

But not as many onions.

[Ed Gamble]

Not as many onions because of the dog.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Drink appetizer. I forgot that. That's where we arrived.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Didn't even get into talking about appetizer. There's a Pizza Hut ice cream factory.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

With a milkshake.

[Lucia Keskin]

No, not with a milkshake. Just with some strawberry crunch, sprinkles of sparkly and.

[James Acaster]

Are you having milkshake after the meal?

[Lucia Keskin]

No. If I did, it would be so.

[James Acaster]

That a milkshake is not in any way feature in this.

[Ed Gamble]

It's not going to be in the movie.

[Lucia Keskin]

No, but it would if it was just drinks.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. You want to be surrounded by dogs for the whole thing.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

How do you feel about that?

[Lucia Keskin]

Who, me? Yeah. Really? I mean, I'm pleased.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Happy with that.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah, it sounds lovely.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm excited about the very small bowl of pasta and like to see that be brought to the table.

[Lucia Keskin]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Would you be excited if someone brought you a tiny little bowl of edible pasta?

[Lucia Keskin]

I'd be so excited, yeah. Especially if it all, you know, it was made from all the same ingredients as the large version.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Lucia Keskin]

Be thrilled. You know, it's a dream, really.

[Ed Gamble]

Thanks so much for coming to the dream restaurant, Chi.

[Lucia Keskin]

Thanks for having me.

[James Acaster]

Thank you.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, there we are, James. What a menu. What an episode.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Delicious.

[Ed Gamble]

Absolutely loved that episode.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Had a lot of fun.

[Ed Gamble]

I feel like I've meditated.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you know what I mean? I feel very at peace.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. But, like, I feel like I've meditated and dropped something at the same time. Yeah, Yeah. I feel relaxed, but also a bit weird.

[Ed Gamble]

On edge.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

She's fantastic.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Do watch things you should have done on iplayer. It is a brilliant show and I think actually this episode has given you a taste of the sort of. Yeah, the. The general sort of vibe of the show.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. And like, I mean, and then there's so much content that Lucia's put out online as well. Oh, yeah. Watch all of that too. So you can just. Like, there's a whole world to dive into.

[Ed Gamble]

Absolutely. And of course, you didn't say fake sushi grass. James.

[James Acaster]

Thank you.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you very much for that, Chi. Right, we'll go then, will we?

[James Acaster]

I think we'll go. We'll wander off into the afternoon.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Into the evening, into the morning, go our separate ways, live our own lives, you know, Three happy men with lucky lives.

[Ed Gamble]

Three happy men with lucky lives. It's the new name of the podcast. Off menu is no more. It's now called Three Happy Men with Lucky Lives.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, we're going to do different.

[Ed Gamble]

Bye.

[Advertiser]

If your eyes are the windows to your soul and your glasses are the windows to your eyes, then it's pretty important to find your perfect frames. That's why at Warby Parker, we've made shopping for eyewear as easy and fun as can be, peruse endless styles in our stores, or use our app to virtually try on frames and get personalized Recommendations to find your next favorite pair of glasses, sunglasses or contact lenses or to locate your nearest Warby Parker store, head over to warbyparker.com that's warbyparker.com Morning Zoe.

[Zoe]

Got donuts.

[Jeff Bridges (Character)]

Jeff Bridges why are you still living above our garage?

[Zoe]

Well, I dig the mattress and I want to be in a T Mobile commercial like you teach me.

[Jeff Bridges (Character)]

So Dana oh no, I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly at t mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them. It's designed to be the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system.

[Zoe]

Wow, impressive. Let me try. T Mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best network.

[Lucia Keskin]

Nice.

[Jeff Bridges (Character)]

Jeffrey, you heard them.

[Ed Gamble]

T Mobile is the best place to get the new iPhone 17 Pro on us with eligible traded in any condition.

[Zoe]

So what are we having for launch?

[Jeff Bridges (Character)]

Dude, my work here is done.

[T-Mobile Announcer]

The 24 month bill credit is on experience beyond for well qualified customers + tax and 35 device connection charge credit same to balance due if you pay off earlier Cancel Finance Agreement. IPhone 17 Pro 256 gigs 1099.99 A new line minimum 100 plus a month plan with auto pay plus taxes and fees required. Best mobile network in the US based on analysis by Oaklove Speed Test Intelligence Data 1H 2025 Visit T mobile.com hi.

[Mark Bittman]

This is Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman and I'm here to talk with you about Whole Foods Market. Use this excuse to stock your freezer and your pantry for game day parties, Halloween and more. You can save 50%. That's right, 50% on select frozen pizzas for game day with prime terms apply. Visit your local Whole Foods Market today in store or online.