Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster

Guest: Lucia Keskin (aka Chi With A C)
Episode Date: October 29, 2025

Episode Overview

In this playful and warmly chaotic episode of Off Menu, comedians Ed Gamble and James Acaster welcome internet sensation, writer, and comic actor Lucia Keskin, famously known for her Instagram persona “Chi With A C.” Lucia is invited to the dream restaurant to curate her ultimate fantasy meal. What follows is a whimsical, meandering conversation that covers everything from the trials of tiny collectibles and the politics of poppadom shapes, to the perils of feeding onions to dogs. The episode is rich with Lucia’s unique perspective, a love for carbohydrates, and classic Off Menu tangents.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Getting to Know Lucia Keskin

• Lucia introduces herself and discusses her love for tiny things, the joy of collecting miniature figurines, and regrets from childhood playground swaps (08:49–14:27).
• She reflects on her sentimental attachment to objects and feeling guilty about eating foods with faces—like decorated cookies:

  “I can't eat it. Feels cruel.” — Lucia (15:05)

2. Table Water Preferences

• Lucia prefers still water but reluctantly learned to tolerate sparkling, noting its prevalence at “middle-aged men’s mini-fridges in TV”:

  “It's because everyone sort of in entertainment drinks sparkling water... you have to drink it.” — Lucia (16:40)

• She admits this is her first time accepting a hot drink outside family settings, revealing a polite discomfort with requesting tea or coffee in professional environments (17:53).

3. Bread & Poppadom Debate

• Lucia enjoys both bread and poppadoms, humorously referring to poppadoms as “sheets,” which launches a spirited debate on whether circles can be sheets (18:56–22:45).

  “Anything that's large and thin is a sheet.” — Lucia (19:46)

• Her dream bread: garlic bread, specifically ciabatta, not the standard baguette. She worries about being “ripped off” by pricier versions:

  “What are you doing that's different to both of these baguettes?” — Lucia (24:42)

4. Starters: Too Filling

• Lucia is not a fan of starters, finding them too filling, and only partakes when “starving.” For the dream meal, she requests a tiny “four-pound-coin-sized” bowl of spaghetti (28:10–30:06).

  “If you blended two pound coins... that size is small enough... that's a great size starter of maybe pasta.” — Lucia (28:26)

5. Pasta Love / Dream Main Course

• Pasta is her staple, eaten 4–5 times a week, with different variations to avoid monotony (34:32–36:06).

  “It’s so debilitating thinking of a new meal every day... so it’s just pasta” — Lucia (34:54)

• Her dream main: vodka rigatoni with red onion, garlic, tomato paste, double cream, vodka, Parmesan, and “all the spices”:

  “With garlic, tomato paste, double cream, vodka. Just cook it. And cheese, obviously...chili flakes...all the spices.” — Lucia (44:56)

6. Side Dish: Potato Salad

• While tempted by chips, Lucia’s chosen side is her homemade crispy potato salad (boiled and roasted tiny potatoes with mayonnaise and various onions), inspired by social media (49:45–52:29).

  “It was honestly so nice. It was just too much onion.” — Lucia (51:59)

7. Nutrition & Food Groups

• Discussion on the challenges of eating more veggies and fruit due to perishability, logistics and “stress” of planning meals with fresh produce. Lucia admits a diet heavy on carbs and dairy:

  “I love dairy... I think I could be vegetarian but I couldn't be vegan.” (53:45)

8. Dream Drink: Milkshake vs. Appletiser

• Lucia enthusiastically picks milkshakes as her all-time favorite drink (especially those with bits, like bubblegum), but finds them “so filling and so sweet” with a main meal (60:31–62:36).
• She reveals the family tradition of "Complan" (a nutritional drink for when you don't want food):

  “Just have a complain. It’s a meal in itself.” — Lucia (61:50)

• For the actual meal, she opts for still water or Appletiser, suggesting the milkshake would be a standalone treat.

9. Dessert: The Ice Cream Factory

• Lucia loves ice cream—especially gelato—but ultimately chooses Pizza Hut’s Ice Cream Factory (self-serve soft-serve with strawberry crunch “pink balls,” no sauce). She values restraint with toppings for “the true dairy flavor” (75:40–76:50).

  “I just want the ice cream to really, really enjoy the flavor of the dairy... just add some pink glittery balls to it.” — Lucia (76:06)

10. Lucia’s Love of Dogs & Cautionary Onion Tales

• She wishes to be “surrounded by dogs” (her own and others) during her dream meal, with her dog served a special plate of cheese.
• The trio digress into the dangers of onions for dogs, with Lucia humorously misusing “I learned that the hard way” (78:35–81:16).

11. Quotable Moments & Lucian Logic

• Lucia’s innocent logic and terminology spark ongoing jokes:
  • On poppadoms: “They're always in sheets, aren't they?” (19:17)
  • On why she likes tiny things: “It makes me feel massive.” (10:26)
  • On burritos: “I just don’t trust them as much as fajitas. Why is there baked beans in them?” (38:33)
  • On letting John Coffey (from The Green Mile) unblock her nose:

    James: “Would you let him take away your blocked up nose?”
    Lucia: “I mean if I've got flies coming out of my mouth…” (48:29)

  • On environmental packaging: “I just miss having lids on McFlurries.” (66:18)

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• “It makes me feel massive.” — Lucia, on her love for tiny collectibles (10:26)
• “If you blended two pound coins... that's a great size starter of maybe pasta.” (28:26)
• “It's so debilitating thinking of a new meal every day, so it's just pasta.” (34:54)
• “It's just from, you know, utters... I think they're not dead, are they?” — Lucia on loving dairy (54:01)
• “I just want the ice cream to really, really enjoy the flavor of the dairy.” (76:06)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Welcome & Introduction: 03:08
• Tiny Things & Collectibles: 08:49
• Bread/Poppadom Sheet Debate: 18:56-22:45
• Starter Discussion: 28:10-30:06
• Pasta Obsession / Main Course: 34:32-46:05
• Side Dish & Potato Salad Recipe: 49:45-52:29
• Talking Food Groups: 52:54-54:22
• Milkshakes, Drinks & Complan: 60:31-62:36
• Dessert/Soft Serve Toppings: 75:40-76:50
• Dogs at the Table/Onions: 78:04-81:16

The Final Dream Menu

Water: Still
Bread: Ciabatta garlic bread
Poppadoms: “Sheets” of poppadoms
Starter: Tiny bowl of spaghetti (“four-pound-coin-sized,” tomato & basil)
Main: Vodka rigatoni (with onion, tomato paste, cream, vodka, Parmesan, chilli flakes)
Side: Homemade crispy potato salad (now, with much less onion)
Drink: Still water or Appletiser (milkshake if a standalone treat)
Dessert: Pizza Hut Ice Cream Factory — soft serve with just sparkly pink strawberry crunch balls
Ambience: Surrounded by friendly dogs, especially her own, with a plate of cheese for them

Tone & Vibe

True to Off Menu form, the episode is light, absurdist, and full of gentle ribbing and well-meaning digressions. Lucia’s whimsical logic matches seamlessly with Ed and James’ surreal style. She brings a delightful uniqueness to the fantasy meal, balancing self-deprecation, nostalgia, and bursts of sweet, near-childlike sincerity.

For more of Lucia, check out her acclaimed BBC iPlayer show “Things You Should Have Done” and her sketches as “Chi With A C” online.