Transcript

A (0:00)

Oh, hey everyone, before you listen to this audio episode, we've got some fantastic news. For a long time many of you have been bugging us to get the episodes in vision on the YouTube and that's just what we've done, James. We have our own YouTube channel. And now full episodes will be available on the YouTube channel.

B (0:18)

Entire full episodes start to finish so you can see exactly what we look like every step of the way. And you don't have to use your imagination anymore.

A (0:26)

No, we've got loads up there already. Actually, James from this series, including the wonderful Ben Schwartz is on there.

B (0:32)

Correct me if I'm wrong, Ed. It's off menu podcast on YouTube.

A (0:35)

Yeah, but neat. I keep saying this, but I don't think people use n there. I think if you just go and look up off menu podcast just use the little search bar. I think that's how most of the kids do it.

B (0:44)

Yeah, everyone in the world just types in off menu podcasts into the search but they don't put at. I don't think they've ever put Go.

A (0:51)

And check out full video episodes of the off menu podcast over on our YouTube channel. Off menu podcast.

B (0:56)

YouTube WeTube your tube for YouTube ice cream.

C (1:03)

Do I choose a sleep number Smart bed.

D (1:05)

Can I make my site softer?

B (1:06)

Can I make my site firmer?

D (1:08)

Can we sleep cooler?

C (1:10)

Sleep number does that cools up to eight times faster and lets you choose your ideal comfort on either side your sleep number setting. It's the sleep number biggest sale of the year. All beds on sale up to 50% off the limited edition smart bed plus free premium delivery with any smart bed and adjustable base ends labor day. All sleep number smart beds offer temperature solutions for your best sleep. Check it out at a sleep number store or sleepnumber.com today.

A (1:48)

Welcome to the off menu podcast. Opening the first food delivery app of conversation and ordering a Chinese takeaway of friendship.

Summary

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster

Guest: Marian Keyes

Release Date: August 27, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, bestselling Irish author Marian Keyes enters the Dream Restaurant to craft her ideal meal, while charming the hosts with wit, warmth, and candid insights into writing, family dynamics, fear of animals, and the intersection of food and comfort. Ed and James are in playful form, giving Marian space to muse on everything from trifle to pubic hair to being called a psychopath for liking sparkling water. The conversation, as always, is equal parts food fantasy, affectionate teasing, and revealing personal chat.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Marian's Approach to Writing and Editing

Timestamps: 06:16 – 14:45

Collaboration and Control: Marian describes herself as a people pleaser and a secret control freak, revealing the delicate dance with editors and producers where feedback is welcomed but not always implemented ("I would say yes to everything you suggested, but then I would go away and I would stew with fury" – 07:34).
Editing Dynamics: She shares the ritual with her long-term editor—praise followed by pages of suggested changes, her initial blind fury, and then the compromise where she accepts about two-thirds of the input.
On Pain and Praise: Marian notes how some pain is always mixed in with the praise from editors, making for a productive but emotionally charged process.

2. Marian's Latest Book: "My Favorite Mistake"

Timestamps: 12:27 – 16:29

Inspiration: Features a woman in her late 40s making a post-Covid "midlife pivot" by leaving New York and returning to rural Ireland.
Themes of Regret and Hope: Marian discusses her personal experience of nighttime regret and nostalgia, and her desire to write something comforting and hopeful in a bleak world.
On Literature as Escape: Marian and the hosts reflect on what people want from fiction during troubled times – kindness, community, and positivity.

3. Now You're Asking: Marian's Podcast with Tara Flynn

Timestamps: 16:29 – 22:05

Format & Tone: A problem-solving show mixing levity ("what's the story with pubic hair?") and gravity (letters about abuse and trauma).
Empathy and Intimacy: Co-hosted with comedian Tara Flynn, it's recorded in Marian’s living room for an intimate feel.
Listener Questions: Ed and James attempt to pose queries, resulting in digressions about personal grooming habits and the difficulty of knowing what’s "normal."

4. Marian's Relationship with Food

Timestamps: 29:00 – 30:15

Not a Foodie: Marian confesses she’s the "opposite of a foodie," seeking to move "from hungry to not hungry as quickly and efficiently as possible."
Loathing of Tasting Menus: She describes nine-course menus as like being "taken hostage" and would rather fill up on bread.

5. The Animal Bit

Timestamps: 23:40 – 27:30

Fear of (Nearly) All Animals: Marian is afraid of dogs, cats, and even lizards (“I'm either scared or I don't like them.” – 25:40), though she loves babies, especially talking babies.
Dog & Cat Discourse: The group gently debates stereotypes about dog/cat people and the unfair labeling of non-dog lovers as "psychopaths."

6. Family, Relationships, and Creative Partnerships

Timestamps: 37:31 – 39:14

Meeting Her Husband: A humorous, affectionate look back on 30 years together, the shift in career dynamics as her writing took off, and her husband becoming her assistant and personal chef.
Advice: She’s asked for advice for Ed's wife to become a famous author so Ed can be a house husband; her tip: "If she could write some books, that would probably start." (38:33)
On Symbiosis in Relationships: Marian ends by advocating for simply cooking more for one's partner, novelist or not.

Marian Keyes' Dream Menu

Still or Sparkling Water?

[23:16 – 24:23]

Chooses sparkling as a "special treat" (despite hearing that makes her a psychopath).
Quizzes have apparently confirmed her "psychopath" potential because she doesn't like dogs.

Bread

[29:00 – 30:15]

Warm treacle and Guinness bread from Hotel Europe in Killarney, with Kerrygold butter.
“I would just eat that for my entire dinner.”
She requests her portion be limited so as not to spoil the rest of the meal.

Starter

[34:56 – 37:30]

Tomato and ricotta (actually Manchego) salad with coriander seed and lemon oil, homemade by her husband.
“Everything is delicious and fresh and tastes of things” (36:54).
Heritage tomatoes are key—“they actually have a flavor and…are funny round colors, purple, yellow.”

Main Course

[40:02 – 44:02]

Roast butternut squash with chickpeas and ras el hanout from Woodruff restaurant in Dublin.
Marian doesn’t eat meat or fish, not for ethical reasons but because they “give me the ick.”
Hates mushrooms: “They taste like death. Like they've been buried in forests with rotting leaves above them.” (40:15)

Side Dish

[47:13 – 49:04]

Her husband’s Hasselback potatoes, with Kerrygold, heavy on salt (ideally Himalayan pink).
Must be a massive potato with “very slender slices.”
Absolutely no pepper: “Salt and butter is all you need, why ruin something that's already magnificent?”

Drink

[55:24 – 59:23]

Water (mineral) with lime, strictly not lemon (“Lemon is cruel and harsh and lime is friendly and sweeter” – 59:29).
Mocktails are for politeness in restaurants, but in her dream meal she’s content with simple water.

Dessert

[61:18 – 66:50]

Her mother’s trifle ("the only thing she makes now" at Christmas) without the sherry (“she puts sherry into it just to be cruel so that I can't have it.”)
Her favorite part: custard.
Aspires to be the cream: “I would like to be the cream because it is superficially attractive. It’s the psychopath aspect.” (64:03−64:08)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Editing:
“There has to be some pain with the praise. There has to be.” —Marian Keyes [10:58]
On Being a Control Freak:
"I'm too much of a people pleaser. Also a secret control freak." —Marian Keyes [07:34]
On Avoiding Bad News:
“I'm in profound denial about how dreadful it all is, but still, it just leaks at you, doesn't it?” —Marian Keyes [15:00]
On Tasting Menus:
“My idea of abject misery is being trapped in a restaurant… having signed up to a nine course tasting menu, it's like being taken hostage.” —Marian Keyes [29:00]
On Mushrooms:
“They taste like death. They taste like they've been buried in forests with rotting leaves above them.” —Marian Keyes [40:15]
On Family Love (Trifle):
“It's not really about the trifle… it's a substitute for love.” —Marian Keyes [66:40]
On Sparkling Water:
“If I'm a psychopath, then bring it on.” —Marian Keyes [23:24]
On Minutiae:
"Do your pubes get bigger when you get older?" —James Acaster [22:48]
On Parenting:
"My mother mostly shows her love to me by suggesting I go to the doctor." —Marian Keyes [66:57]

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |---------------|------------------------------------------| | 06:16–14:45 | Writing Process and Editorial Relations | | 12:27–16:29 | "My Favorite Mistake" and Escapism | | 16:29–22:05 | Now You’re Asking Podcast | | 23:16–24:23 | Sparkling Water & Psychopath Quizzes | | 29:00–30:15 | Bread and Food Preferences | | 34:56–37:30 | Dream Starter (Tomato Salad) | | 40:02–44:02 | Dream Main Course (Squash & Chickpeas) | | 47:13–49:04 | Dream Side Dish (Hasselback Potatoes) | | 55:24–59:23 | Dream Drink (Water With Lime) | | 61:18–66:50 | Dream Dessert (Mother’s Trifle) |

Tone and Episode Vibe

Warm, self-deprecating, relatable: Marian is candid about her neuroses, struggles with animals, and lifelong quest for comfort food (“I like to move from hungry to not hungry as quickly and efficiently as possible”).
Wry & affectionate: Ed and James riff affectionately on her answers, often drawing out more stories about family, Ireland, and the realities of being a highly successful author.
Playful banter: Frequent digressions (pubic hair, dog/cat allegiances, potatoes, and trifle as proxies for love).
Honest and unfiltered: She addresses her alcoholism, how she navigates social situations with drink, and her complicated feelings about family rituals and love.

Closing Highlights

Marian expresses delight at potentially having her dream menu immortalized in fiction, though jokingly admits, “Never gonna happen,” echoing her earlier revelations about taking (and sometimes politely ignoring) suggestions. [70:10]
The hosts reflect warmly on her presence, her menu, and the universality of trifle as the dessert of comfort and love.

Takeaways for New Listeners

This episode is a quintessential Off Menu: at once a food fantasy, a glimpse into the life of a beloved writer, and a hilarious, unrehearsed conversation about life’s quirks and comforts. From trifle to sparkling water to the emotional subtext of buttered bread, Marian Keyes brings heart and honesty, mixed with the signature wit of Ed Gamble and James Acaster.