Marian Keyes

Summary

---

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster

Guest: Marian Keyes

Release Date: August 27, 2025

---

Episode Overview

In this episode, bestselling Irish author Marian Keyes enters the Dream Restaurant to craft her ideal meal, while charming the hosts with wit, warmth, and candid insights into writing, family dynamics, fear of animals, and the intersection of food and comfort. Ed and James are in playful form, giving Marian space to muse on everything from trifle to pubic hair to being called a psychopath for liking sparkling water. The conversation, as always, is equal parts food fantasy, affectionate teasing, and revealing personal chat.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Marian's Approach to Writing and Editing

Timestamps: 06:16 – 14:45

• Collaboration and Control: Marian describes herself as a people pleaser and a secret control freak, revealing the delicate dance with editors and producers where feedback is welcomed but not always implemented ("I would say yes to everything you suggested, but then I would go away and I would stew with fury" – 07:34).
• Editing Dynamics: She shares the ritual with her long-term editor—praise followed by pages of suggested changes, her initial blind fury, and then the compromise where she accepts about two-thirds of the input.
• On Pain and Praise: Marian notes how some pain is always mixed in with the praise from editors, making for a productive but emotionally charged process.

2. Marian's Latest Book: "My Favorite Mistake"

Timestamps: 12:27 – 16:29

• Inspiration: Features a woman in her late 40s making a post-Covid "midlife pivot" by leaving New York and returning to rural Ireland.
• Themes of Regret and Hope: Marian discusses her personal experience of nighttime regret and nostalgia, and her desire to write something comforting and hopeful in a bleak world.
• On Literature as Escape: Marian and the hosts reflect on what people want from fiction during troubled times – kindness, community, and positivity.

3. Now You're Asking: Marian's Podcast with Tara Flynn

Timestamps: 16:29 – 22:05

• Format & Tone: A problem-solving show mixing levity ("what's the story with pubic hair?") and gravity (letters about abuse and trauma).
• Empathy and Intimacy: Co-hosted with comedian Tara Flynn, it's recorded in Marian’s living room for an intimate feel.
• Listener Questions: Ed and James attempt to pose queries, resulting in digressions about personal grooming habits and the difficulty of knowing what’s "normal."

4. Marian's Relationship with Food

Timestamps: 29:00 – 30:15

• Not a Foodie: Marian confesses she’s the "opposite of a foodie," seeking to move "from hungry to not hungry as quickly and efficiently as possible."
• Loathing of Tasting Menus: She describes nine-course menus as like being "taken hostage" and would rather fill up on bread.

5. The Animal Bit

Timestamps: 23:40 – 27:30

• Fear of (Nearly) All Animals: Marian is afraid of dogs, cats, and even lizards (“I'm either scared or I don't like them.” – 25:40), though she loves babies, especially talking babies.
• Dog & Cat Discourse: The group gently debates stereotypes about dog/cat people and the unfair labeling of non-dog lovers as "psychopaths."

6. Family, Relationships, and Creative Partnerships

Timestamps: 37:31 – 39:14

• Meeting Her Husband: A humorous, affectionate look back on 30 years together, the shift in career dynamics as her writing took off, and her husband becoming her assistant and personal chef.
• Advice: She’s asked for advice for Ed's wife to become a famous author so Ed can be a house husband; her tip: "If she could write some books, that would probably start." (38:33)
• On Symbiosis in Relationships: Marian ends by advocating for simply cooking more for one's partner, novelist or not.

---

Marian Keyes' Dream Menu

Still or Sparkling Water?

[23:16 – 24:23]

• Chooses sparkling as a "special treat" (despite hearing that makes her a psychopath).
• Quizzes have apparently confirmed her "psychopath" potential because she doesn't like dogs.

Bread

[29:00 – 30:15]

• Warm treacle and Guinness bread from Hotel Europe in Killarney, with Kerrygold butter.
• “I would just eat that for my entire dinner.”
• She requests her portion be limited so as not to spoil the rest of the meal.

Starter

[34:56 – 37:30]

• Tomato and ricotta (actually Manchego) salad with coriander seed and lemon oil, homemade by her husband.
• “Everything is delicious and fresh and tastes of things” (36:54).
• Heritage tomatoes are key—“they actually have a flavor and…are funny round colors, purple, yellow.”

Main Course

[40:02 – 44:02]

• Roast butternut squash with chickpeas and ras el hanout from Woodruff restaurant in Dublin.
• Marian doesn’t eat meat or fish, not for ethical reasons but because they “give me the ick.”
• Hates mushrooms: “They taste like death. Like they've been buried in forests with rotting leaves above them.” (40:15)

Side Dish

[47:13 – 49:04]

• Her husband’s Hasselback potatoes, with Kerrygold, heavy on salt (ideally Himalayan pink).
• Must be a massive potato with “very slender slices.”
• Absolutely no pepper: “Salt and butter is all you need, why ruin something that's already magnificent?”

Drink

[55:24 – 59:23]

• Water (mineral) with lime, strictly not lemon (“Lemon is cruel and harsh and lime is friendly and sweeter” – 59:29).
• Mocktails are for politeness in restaurants, but in her dream meal she’s content with simple water.

Dessert

[61:18 – 66:50]

• Her mother’s trifle ("the only thing she makes now" at Christmas) without the sherry (“she puts sherry into it just to be cruel so that I can't have it.”)
• Her favorite part: custard.
• Aspires to be the cream: “I would like to be the cream because it is superficially attractive. It’s the psychopath aspect.” (64:03−64:08)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Editing:
  “There has to be some pain with the praise. There has to be.” —Marian Keyes [10:58]
• On Being a Control Freak:
  "I'm too much of a people pleaser. Also a secret control freak." —Marian Keyes [07:34]
• On Avoiding Bad News:
  “I'm in profound denial about how dreadful it all is, but still, it just leaks at you, doesn't it?” —Marian Keyes [15:00]
• On Tasting Menus:
  “My idea of abject misery is being trapped in a restaurant… having signed up to a nine course tasting menu, it's like being taken hostage.” —Marian Keyes [29:00]
• On Mushrooms:
  “They taste like death. They taste like they've been buried in forests with rotting leaves above them.” —Marian Keyes [40:15]
• On Family Love (Trifle):
  “It's not really about the trifle… it's a substitute for love.” —Marian Keyes [66:40]
• On Sparkling Water:
  “If I'm a psychopath, then bring it on.” —Marian Keyes [23:24]
• On Minutiae:
  "Do your pubes get bigger when you get older?" —James Acaster [22:48]
• On Parenting:
  "My mother mostly shows her love to me by suggesting I go to the doctor." —Marian Keyes [66:57]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |---------------|------------------------------------------| | 06:16–14:45 | Writing Process and Editorial Relations | | 12:27–16:29 | "My Favorite Mistake" and Escapism | | 16:29–22:05 | Now You’re Asking Podcast | | 23:16–24:23 | Sparkling Water & Psychopath Quizzes | | 29:00–30:15 | Bread and Food Preferences | | 34:56–37:30 | Dream Starter (Tomato Salad) | | 40:02–44:02 | Dream Main Course (Squash & Chickpeas) | | 47:13–49:04 | Dream Side Dish (Hasselback Potatoes) | | 55:24–59:23 | Dream Drink (Water With Lime) | | 61:18–66:50 | Dream Dessert (Mother’s Trifle) |

---

Tone and Episode Vibe

• Warm, self-deprecating, relatable: Marian is candid about her neuroses, struggles with animals, and lifelong quest for comfort food (“I like to move from hungry to not hungry as quickly and efficiently as possible”).
• Wry & affectionate: Ed and James riff affectionately on her answers, often drawing out more stories about family, Ireland, and the realities of being a highly successful author.
• Playful banter: Frequent digressions (pubic hair, dog/cat allegiances, potatoes, and trifle as proxies for love).
• Honest and unfiltered: She addresses her alcoholism, how she navigates social situations with drink, and her complicated feelings about family rituals and love.

---

Closing Highlights

• Marian expresses delight at potentially having her dream menu immortalized in fiction, though jokingly admits, “Never gonna happen,” echoing her earlier revelations about taking (and sometimes politely ignoring) suggestions. [70:10]
• The hosts reflect warmly on her presence, her menu, and the universality of trifle as the dessert of comfort and love.

---

Takeaways for New Listeners

This episode is a quintessential Off Menu: at once a food fantasy, a glimpse into the life of a beloved writer, and a hilarious, unrehearsed conversation about life’s quirks and comforts. From trifle to sparkling water to the emotional subtext of buttered bread, Marian Keyes brings heart and honesty, mixed with the signature wit of Ed Gamble and James Acaster.

Transcript

[A]

Oh, hey everyone, before you listen to this audio episode, we've got some fantastic news. For a long time many of you have been bugging us to get the episodes in vision on the YouTube and that's just what we've done, James. We have our own YouTube channel. And now full episodes will be available on the YouTube channel.

[B]

Entire full episodes start to finish so you can see exactly what we look like every step of the way. And you don't have to use your imagination anymore.

[A]

No, we've got loads up there already. Actually, James from this series, including the wonderful Ben Schwartz is on there.

[B]

Correct me if I'm wrong, Ed. It's off menu podcast on YouTube.

[A]

Yeah, but neat. I keep saying this, but I don't think people use n there. I think if you just go and look up off menu podcast just use the little search bar. I think that's how most of the kids do it.

[B]

Yeah, everyone in the world just types in off menu podcasts into the search but they don't put at. I don't think they've ever put Go.

[A]

And check out full video episodes of the off menu podcast over on our YouTube channel. Off menu podcast.

[B]

YouTube WeTube your tube for YouTube ice cream.

[C]

Do I choose a sleep number Smart bed.

[D]

Can I make my site softer?

[B]

Can I make my site firmer?

[D]

Can we sleep cooler?

[C]

Sleep number does that cools up to eight times faster and lets you choose your ideal comfort on either side your sleep number setting. It's the sleep number biggest sale of the year. All beds on sale up to 50% off the limited edition smart bed plus free premium delivery with any smart bed and adjustable base ends labor day. All sleep number smart beds offer temperature solutions for your best sleep. Check it out at a sleep number store or sleepnumber.com today.

[A]

Welcome to the off menu podcast. Opening the first food delivery app of conversation and ordering a Chinese takeaway of friendship.

[B]

It's come to this.

[A]

It's a lazy night. It's a lazy night. Sometimes you don't want to cook. Order a Chinese takeaway.

[B]

That is lazy. Lazy Ed Gamble. I'm lazy James Acaster. And together we own a lazy dream restaurant in lazy town. In lazy town where that guy does keep fit stuff with it as our kids. Yeah.

[A]

Sportacus.

[B]

Sportacus.

[A]

Shout out.

[B]

Together we own a dream restaurant. Every single week we invite in a guest. We invite him every single in and we ask them their favorite ever start. Sporticus has thrown me off. We invite them in, we ask them their favorite ever start and make us a Side dish and drink, not in that order. And today I think secret ingredient me.

[A]

It's Sporticus.

[B]

It's really Spartacus, man.

[A]

What was the name of the bad guy? Benito.

[B]

I wasn't Sport.

[A]

No, he wasn't the bad guy. Sporticus, but the guy with quite an imposing face. Robbie Rotten.

[B]

And this week I'll see. Oh, fuck me, I've done it again this week. Our guest, our special guest is Marion Keys. Sorry, Marion, if you're listening, that was. That is the worst we've ever done an intro and we should re record it. But it was a laugh how bad it was.

[A]

Yes. I don't think she's listening to this. She's. She's going to be here.

[B]

Do you think our guests listen back to it?

[A]

Not many of them, I'm sure, because it's an awful experience.

[B]

Yeah, they don't like it.

[A]

De Niro. Yes.

[B]

De Niro definitely listened back.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. De Niro definitely did.

[B]

A wonderful writer.

[A]

Yes. Phenomenal hit author. James.

[B]

Yeah, so good. Very excited to have Marion on the podcast. We don't have enough like authors on the podcast.

[A]

That's because they're not normally a laugh.

[B]

Yeah, sure. And Marion is.

[A]

I've seen Marian on a lot of stuff and she's definitely fun and she knows how to do a good interview.

[B]

Yeah, she's fantastic. A lot of in good hands just.

[A]

Sit in a little room and they're up their own ass.

[B]

They are a lot of authors if you're listening, which they won't be, so. But they don't listen to anyone else but themselves. Waffling on.

[A]

Oh, I don't need to listen to anyone else. I've got all the characters in my head. Give over.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Give over.

[A]

Benito whispered. Give over.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Marion's new book, My Favorite Mistake is out now. It's. It's already a multi million copy bestseller.

[B]

That's. It's mind blowing, right? Yeah, like, especially like this day and age, it's gotta be even harder like to sell a physical book.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Millions of times.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's gotta be good. That's gotta be a good book.

[A]

And what, it's her 16th or 17th book? She knows her way around a novel, man.

[B]

Yeah, big time.

[A]

And I'm happy to say that to her when she's in. And of course, Marion has a podcast with Tara Flynn called Now youw're Asking, which is available on BBC Sounds.

[B]

And the Walsh sisters is currently being filmed for BBC at the minute. We don't know when it's coming out, but it's being filmed in Dublin right now. Based on one of Marion's novels. Very excited to see it.

[A]

Yes. She's got a lot going on. She's incredibly talented, she's incredibly busy. So we are very grateful that she's given us some of her time to talk about her dream menu.

[B]

Yum, yum, yum. But before we bring her in, there is a special guest. If she says it, then she gets kicked out. Oh, no, sorry. There is a secret ingredient, and if she says it, she'll be kicked out of the Dream Restaurant.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And this week, the secret ingredient is.

[A]

Yes. To Minto from Robert Popper's episode.

[B]

Robert Popper invented this.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So the likelihood of it actually being chosen is. No. None, really.

[A]

What was it again?

[B]

Huh? To Minto, it was like tomato juice with creme de month or something, wasn't it?

[A]

It was tomato juice with creme de month. He invented it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Revolting. Fictional doesn't exist.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

But then this is where Marion lives is the world of fiction.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So maybe she will pick a fictitious drink. Maybe. Maybe her author's brain will conjure it up out of the ether.

[A]

It's not conjuring it up if it. If someone else has already conjured it up.

[B]

Right. Yeah, but, like, it's not in the zeitgeist. She doesn't know that.

[A]

It is in the zeitgeist.

[B]

To Minto.

[A]

It's on the off menu podcast. We are the Zeitgeist, James.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I forgot that we dictate the zeitgeist.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, fair enough.

[A]

We're really excited to speak to Marion. I think we should just get on with it, James.

[B]

Let's just get on with it, Ed.

[A]

This is the off menu menu of Marion Keys. Welcome, Marion, to the Dream Restaurant.

[D]

Thank you for having me.

[B]

Welcome, Marion Keys, to the Dream Restaurant. V Spunny for some time.

[A]

Did you enjoy the Genie? The Genie, welcome there.

[D]

I did. I loved it.

[B]

It was quite good.

[D]

Yeah. Multi sensory experience.

[B]

Thank you. Do you want to listen? Senses that you experienced on touch. Yeah.

[D]

Psychic vision.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Astral traveling. Yeah. A lot. It was a lot.

[B]

It was beautiful.

[D]

Yeah. It was intense and fabulous. Yeah.

[A]

Didn't even. No sound, though.

[D]

No sound. No. And. And couldn't see anything with my actual eyes, but in my head I saw a lot.

[B]

Yeah. Mainly emotional and.

[D]

Yeah, yes, yes. Yeah. A psychic, spiritual, all of them things.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's a big experience for the beginning of a podcast, isn't it?

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Think you'd ever write a story about a genie?

[D]

Write a book about a genie? I haven't yet, but after today, there's every chance.

[B]

Yeah. I could inspire.

[D]

Oh, yeah. Or we could collaborate.

[B]

Well, I think half of that book would be unreadable.

[D]

Yeah. My half. Yeah. Yeah. We bring you in to polish it and ideas.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You just turned down a collaboration with Marion Keysman.

[B]

I don't want to ruin it.

[A]

Yeah. Fair enough.

[B]

You kidding me?

[D]

Okay, we'll park it. But it was a lovely idea.

[B]

No, we could. That's bad on my part. I should just accept it, to be honest. No.

[D]

I'm an awful collaborator as well. I'm too much of a people pleaser. Also a secret control freak. So I would say yes to everything you suggested, but then I would go away and I would stew with fury and, you know, let's not.

[B]

Yeah. Would you make the changes I'd suggest or would I get it back and it would be the same as when it was before and you would just hope that I wouldn't notice.

[D]

Yeah. And I would send it back to you and I would say, thank you. I have imparted all your changes, all your suggestions. You have made this a million times better than it originally was. And you'd feel great, hopefully.

[B]

And I probably wouldn't know.

[D]

You probably wouldn't know. People do that to me a lot. You know, they say, you know, thank you for that suggestion. I'm. How do you call it? I'm an executive producer on a TV thing at the moment that's been made of my books, which means that I can make suggestions.

[B]

The Walsh sisters.

[D]

Yeah. But they don't do anything. You know, they go, thank you, Marion. That's great. That's really, really good. We're gonna incorporate that. We'll bring that up at our next meeting. And then nothing changes. But I feel kind of. I get the warm glow of. Yeah. The TV people value me, you know, So I still feel good.

[A]

Even though, you know that they've done nothing based on your situation.

[D]

Yeah, exactly. I know that I am being humoured.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

But they're being kind about it, which means a lot. Really.

[A]

Is that how you work with your editors as well when you. When you're writing a book? Do they even. Do they meddle at all now?

[D]

They do. Oh, no.

[B]

They do.

[D]

They do. I have a lovely editor and she's been my publisher for, like, I don't know, 27 years or something like that. But I. I do as much as I can. I Don't kind of give them bits and pieces as I go. I, you know, give them the final book. And then she will come back with. I mean, but she does that snow thing of kind of like, oh, my God, you have surpassed yourself with this one. And then there's about three days. And she goes, we're just going to tinker around to do a couple of things, me and Grace, who is her assistant. And then it comes back and it's pages and pages and pages of stuff. And then I am in a blind fury, and I stomp around the house and I stamp up and down the stairs because they're wooden and they make a lot of good noise. And I say, if they're so fecking fantastic as writing fecking books, why don't they do it? And then. And then I process it, and I think, would they want it to be as good as it can be? So then I kind of go, okay, I will do two thirds of what they've suggested, but they will never get me to do the blah, blah, blah. And that's fine because they put in more stuff than they actually want because they know I won't do it all. And it's like, yeah, we have a really lovely working relationship because we understand those unspoken bits that, like, they know that I won't do it all. And I know they've given me more things than they actually want, so it's good.

[A]

But you'd never say that to each other, because.

[D]

No, they might know now, but we still wouldn't say it. Some things don't need to be said face to face. Yeah, it's like, it really. It works really well. They're very kind to me, and, like, I want my books to be as good as they can be. And, like, you have to have somebody from the outside saying, do this, do that, and, oh, Christ, that doesn't work. But in a way that kind of saves face.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. It saves the relationship.

[A]

You still want to think it's all your own thing.

[D]

That's it.

[A]

But, yeah. Cause it'd be awful if they came back and said a massive change.

[D]

Oh, God, yeah.

[A]

And you did it. And then that was the thing that made it your best book.

[D]

Yeah, exactly. I mean, yeah, but it's almost as bad when, if they came back and said, thrilling, thrillingly perfect, not a single word needs to be changed. Because that can't be the case. You know, there has to be some pain with the praise. There has to be.

[B]

And when you've turned in a book and they've Been like, oh, we think this may need to fix in here. Of all the little mistakes you may have made, do you have a favorite mistake?

[D]

Haha. Nice one.

[B]

Segue.

[D]

Very, very good.

[B]

A segue. That's a good. That was a good.

[D]

It's excellent. Come on. No, it was good. It was magnificent.

[B]

Come on.

[D]

I didn't see it. Common.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I don't think we needed a segue like that necessarily because we were already talking about writing books and we moved.

[D]

From the general to the specific.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I would have just gone with, well, this new book.

[D]

Yes. Yeah.

[B]

Well, that's why we know where we.

[D]

Are with that generation.

[B]

You see segues.

[D]

But his was seamless.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, mine was seamless.

[A]

You wouldn't describe as what's happening now as a seamless.

[B]

Well, that's because you're just. You. You created the scene.

[D]

Yeah, we've moved. We've turned a page with you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Speaking of turning.

[D]

Fantastic.

[A]

Oh, there we go.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

No notes.

[D]

Exactly.

[B]

That was good.

[D]

It was brilliant. Beautiful. Yeah, that's what it was.

[A]

We should talk about grand.

[D]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

My favorite mistake.

[D]

All right. Okay.

[B]

How do you even begin writing a book like this?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Oh, God. All right. Okay. I started with. I always do. I started with one character. It's usually a woman. And I usually want to write about whatever is kind of affecting women in the contemporary world. So this is about a woman who did a post Covid midlife pivot. She was working in New York, had a fabulous job doing PR in cosmetics, and had a lovely boyfriend who was way too nice to her. And she was living in New York and she decided that she didn't like any of it anymore. But she's 48 and, well, she decides she's going to start life again and so she moves to a small town in the west of Ireland. And it's okay. It's about lots of things. It's about what it's like to be in midlife and kind of all the things you've done as a younger person that you just wish that you could go back and change. I mean, I spend an awful lot of my time, especially about 4 in the morning, just time traveling and wishing I could literally go back and just undo a lot of the things I did. And it's painful kind of learning to live with the things I can change. But yeah, her name is Anna and there's this man that she's had this kind of 20 year kind of on. Well, it was never fully on off, but they were always kind of in love with each other, but at different times. They both got married to other people. Now neither of them are married and they are working in the same place. And then it's also about female friendship and the mythology, the kind of. The feeling that, like, a female friendship can never. You can never not be friends with your best friend. That, like, you are obliged to be friends with them from the day you were born to the day you die. And that if anything goes wrong, you are a freak and a weirdo and why are you so terrible? So it's kind of about all of those things, and it's. I mean, I wrote it because we were just coming out of lockdown and then fecking Russia invades Ukraine. And I just thought, oh, Christ, the world is just going to continue to be awful for the foreseeable. So I wanted to write something hopeful and comforting and kind of, you know, about people being nice to each other and about community rather than people being awful. So that was kind of. I wanted to kind of create a happy, safe. Because it takes me two years to write a book. So I needed a nice place for the two years for me to spend my time. So that's kind of it.

[A]

It's really interesting, that thing, isn't it, that you can see what people really enjoy and what people crave from literature and, you know, all media, when what's going on in the world is absolutely horrendous, they're drawn to something more comforting that they can just lose themselves in.

[D]

Yeah, well, you see, I mean, I read an awful lot and I was thinking, well, what am I reading? What do I like? What kind of gives me escape and comfort? And it was that, like, it was love stories. It was stories about family. And it was. You know, there can be no novel without some kind of profound unpleasantness, because there is no point otherwise. But I wanted to write something that just generally felt positive or hopeful or just kind of acknowledge that human beings, although we are fundamentally awful, that we are capable of kindness and. And, you know, comforting each other. And I think definitely nobody wants to read about how the world really is. I mean, I'm in profound denial about how dreadful it all is, but still, it just leaks at you, doesn't it? But, yeah, you're right. I mean, I will seek something uplifting rather than the grimness, because all I have to do is look at the headline of a newspaper and it's like, thank you. That's the entire month ruined for me. That was a terrible mistake. Looking at that, you see, and I do sudoku's in the Times every day. And so, like, I have to do this thing where, like, I'm tapping, like, a. You know, like, putting my finger on the machine, and I'm trying to get into the Times, but, like, avoiding any of the actual news. Trying to find the bit where it says puzzles. And then once I get to the puzzle bit and go, okay, gra. I'm safe. I'm safe. I'm safe. But at the same time, words have Dr. Jump. Jumped out at me, like, Trump. You know, Putin. Awfulness, terribleness. And. And even that's enough to kind of rattle me for the entire day.

[B]

Now we're talking about books, but. Okay, now you're talking. Is the name of your podcast.

[D]

Oh, no, no. Now you're asking. No, it's fine. No, no, that's good, because we can make a king of it.

[B]

No, I was really pleased with that segue. I. I knew I was gonna do it and actually formulated it in my head. Now we're asking about books, but now you're talking. That's what I was. You're asking. I know.

[D]

I've it again.

[B]

Here's what you don't know as well, Marin. Before you came in, I messed up the intro loads. Like, I was. I was messing up my words in the intro.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So clearly something's happened in my brain today.

[D]

No, I love you. I'm like that, you know? And look at how you berate yourself. No, no, no. You have to be nicer to yourself.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

We're all doing our best. And you are brilliant. Your head moves so fast. You are so clever and so witty.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

And this is what happens sometimes that, like, when you're like that, just the words are all coming too fast, and it's like a bottleneck trying to get them through your brain and out through your mouth, and they just get mixed up.

[A]

It's like people trying to leave a stadium with James. The words.

[D]

Yes. That's exactly what it's like. It is exactly what it's like. Although if you are me and you travel with the Irish team, or, you know, when you go to see the Irish team, like, in foreign places, they lock us in till the local teams have left. Yes. Which is so mean because Irish football fans are delicious. You know, there was one place. Where was it Slovakia, which is on my list of, like, no fly zones forever and ever again. They locked us in for hours afterwards, and then they left us leave. They let us leave, and there was, like, men with machine guns watching us. We're like, excuse Me. Do you know who we are? We're Irish fans.

[A]

They're treating you like you're English, so.

[D]

I think they got. They got us mixed up.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So anyway, how did we get onto this? The bottleneck. Yes.

[B]

The foot bottleneck. Yes. The bottleneck before. Cause of the now you're Asking podcast.

[A]

Very good.

[D]

Yes, thank you.

[B]

Now you're Asking is a podcast that you're doing with Tara Flynn.

[D]

Yes. Do you know Tara? She's a comedian.

[B]

I've never met Tara.

[A]

No. Never met Tara. Of course I'm aware of Tara. Absolutely. I've heard her name many, many times. But tell us a bit about now you're asking.

[D]

Okay. It's sort of. It's a problem show. So people are writing in with various kind of dilemmas. Like, so to be like, I have just met a new fella, and I am less young than I used to be, and what's the story with pubic hair? Like, for example, it would be one of the questions.

[A]

That's a lot in one question, isn't it? It's a lot of backstory in the question.

[D]

I know. I think it kind of gets straight to the heart of the issue. But then others would be like, how many minutes should a tea bag be left in a cup before you have the perfect cup of tea? This kind of business.

[A]

Now, what's the story with pubic hair? Do they all end with and.

[D]

Yeah. And also. Yeah, P. S. Yeah, yeah. Because that's what they really wanted to know, but they had to disguise it because they weren't as. As brave as the first person. Yeah, yeah. Things like that. So. And, like, it's a mix of kind of fun stuff and really dark stuff. I mean, this poor woman wrote to us. I mean, she had been groomed by. I don't know what they're called in the Church of England would be a vicar or a reverend or. I don't know. Anyway, when she was a child and a teenager, she was groomed by their local. Whatever he was. Vicar man. And as soon as she was 16, like, he waited until she was 16. And it's just. It's horrific. And she had never told anybody because her parents, her family, were very into the church and to be trusted with her story. And, I mean, it was a huge privilege. So we're very, very careful and very aware of how vulnerable people are who write in. So it is a mix of the dark and the light. And Tara's very funny. She's also very, very kind. And we record it in my front room. So it's very intimate and chatty and maybe, you know, the producer, he's Steve Doherty, and like he put me and Tara together and the whole thing, you know, sometimes something beautiful just lands in your lap. Like, that's that. So we've done four series now, and we're hoping that we'll be asked to do a fifth one.

[B]

Well, what would you. If you had a question, Ed, that needed answer, because we can do one now. If you had something that, like something that you need in your life.

[A]

What is the story with pubic hair?

[B]

Oh, Ed. Not even doing the con. Not even giving the context, like the first person.

[A]

No, I'm cutting to the heart of the issue.

[D]

Come on. Two sentences before.

[A]

I don't think I have anything.

[B]

Ed's actual thing with pubic hair is that he does trim his pubes, but he lets them grow out to a point where he just says he looks like a woolly mammoth before he cuts them again. Is there a way that Ed can motivate himself to keep on top of it more?

[A]

That's a good question.

[D]

Yes, that's a very good question.

[A]

I treat it like.

[B]

Ask me how I know that.

[A]

I treat it like a sheep.

[D]

Yeah. All right then. So it's kind of seasonal.

[A]

Seasonal. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. Well, I mean, you can't be shaving the sheep the whole time, you know, I mean, there's nothing there.

[A]

Exactly.

[D]

Yeah. You know, I would.

[A]

And I dip it in either.

[D]

Yeah. I do a job lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's exactly what I do.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

But James is stressing this as an issue.

[B]

Well, you've expressed it as an issue in the past.

[A]

Well, I don't know whether, you know, it's difficult to know what's normal with that sort of thing. Is it because people aren't as open as US3?

[D]

You could ask somebody. Not me.

[A]

Not you.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

That's a great response to a question.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Ask somebody.

[A]

You should ask somebody.

[D]

Not me.

[A]

We're moving on.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

We have lots of questions for you, Marion. Of course. But they're all food based questions.

[D]

Oh, yeah. Okay.

[A]

It's rare we get to the pubes before the food.

[B]

So hopefully when we ask you, would you like still a sparkling water? You don't say you should ask someone that. Not me. Not me. Not me.

[A]

Also, we're now in the Dream Restaurant. And the last question you want to hear in the Dream restaurant is, what's the story with this pubic hair?

[D]

Yeah, yeah. No, that is true. Yes. I don't want any pubic Hair. With my. My stiller. Sparkling water, if that's okay.

[A]

Of course.

[D]

I mean, I know it's an added extra, but. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Just let's keep it simple.

[B]

Someone came to my house the other day, a much older person, and they left a pube on the. On the toilet seat. And it was the biggest pube I'd ever seen.

[D]

Lord God.

[B]

I thought, do your pubes get bigger when you get older?

[D]

I don't know. Do you mean somebody. Not me.

[B]

Very, very long. He's long, but undeniably a pube.

[D]

Yeah, I was. Are you sure?

[B]

Yeah, 100%.

[A]

Much older person.

[B]

Much older person.

[D]

How old?

[B]

Like 70s. Yeah. Longest pubes I've ever seen.

[A]

Still a sparkling water, Marion?

[D]

I don't know. It depends. I mean, okay, I'll have sparkling because it's a. It's a special time because I don't drink, so I have to kind of take my, my, my thrills where I get.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

So, yeah, we go sparkling. I know. I heard Emily Campbell saying that you're a psychopath if you pick sparkling water. But if I'm a psychopath, then bring it on.

[A]

So be it.

[D]

So be it. Give me the sparkling water.

[B]

Do you want to look at the rest of you?

[D]

I'm always doing quizzes to see if I am. And, yeah, I do a lot of online quiz. I could easily be. I could. Yeah.

[B]

But what do the quizzes say?

[D]

Yeah, they're saying, yeah, you could be.

[B]

Yeah, that's how you could be.

[D]

Yeah. I think it's because I don't like dogs. It's not that I don't like them, but I'm afraid of them. But if you say that people. People are so judgy about the non dog lover.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Yeah. They're really quick to shunt you into the psychopath category, which I think is unfair.

[B]

I think it shows insecurity on their part.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I think, you know, like, each their own. Whatever. People love and like, great. But as soon as you like something and you say, anyone who doesn't like this thing, is something wrong with them? You're like, okay, I think they're a psychopath.

[D]

They're psychopaths for saying I'm a psychopath. Yeah.

[B]

Or they're worried that, like, dog lovers get viewed because, like, dogs get viewed as more basic than cats and all of this. And that's just, you know, I've got cats, but I'm not thinking that that makes. Yeah, that's better. I don't think. Oh, cats. Are this for Sophisticated people. And dogs are for idiots.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And there's a coincidence there that I gestured towards Ed for cats, who has a cat, and Ben, who has a dog for the dog. But like. But like, I don't think that. But I think some. Some dog owners, like Ben think, oh, everyone must think I'm a right dummy because I love dogs so much because dogs are so easy to get the affection from, you know, but we don't think that.

[D]

No. She said uncertainly. No. Yeah. No. Nobody is a psychopath for. For liking or not liking cats and dogs.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

It's. When.

[A]

Yeah, it depends why, I guess.

[D]

Yeah, it's. No, I'm just. I'm afraid of dogs. I'm afraid of most things.

[A]

Have you.

[B]

Psychopaths aren't afraid.

[D]

Psychopaths aren't afraid. But they are. What's the word? Superficially charming. And I think. I think I fall into that category.

[B]

You're charming.

[A]

You're very charming.

[D]

Thank you, Bush. It's superficial.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's big. That's a big thing to find out at the top of the interview.

[B]

Yeah. Straight away. It's all been a lie so far.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

It's all a sham.

[B]

Do you like other animals?

[D]

I don't like any animals, no.

[B]

Wow. Scared of them all.

[D]

I'm either scared or I don't like them. I'm. I am sort of scared of cats. I'm really sorry, but I don't like them either.

[B]

It's okay.

[D]

Yeah. And they don't like me. Yeah, we. We have a mutual antipathy.

[B]

Have you had experiences where they've been shitty to you?

[D]

They give me looks. Yeah, Kind of. They look at me and go, I see you.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, yeah. You and your superficial charm.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cats often, though, if someone doesn't like cats, I've certainly found this with my cat.

[D]

Oh, yeah. That they'll paw you, then they'll be like.

[A]

They'll be like, well, I'm sitting on then.

[D]

Yeah, they do. And sometimes they sit on the back of the couch and then they jump onto my shoulder. And if you're afraid of things.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

That can. That can be unpleasant.

[A]

Yeah. Something coming from behind you and sitting on your shoulder.

[D]

Yeah. And then they turn around, they give me the look, kind of. Gotcha. No, they're awful. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Cat lovers. Dog lovers.

[A]

Please don't apologize.

[D]

Sorry. Lizard lovers.

[B]

You know, like lizards.

[D]

Oh, my God. No, no, I don't like anything like that. No.

[B]

A single animal. You would.

[D]

No, no, I like babies.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, that would do.

[A]

If a baby Crawled onto your shoulder, you're fine with it.

[D]

Oh, I'd be thrilled. No, I would. I'd love that. I'd love that. Yeah.

[B]

Really?

[D]

Oh, God, I'd love it. Yeah, I like it.

[B]

Oh, I love.

[D]

Oh, I. Yeah, I'd love a baby who could talk. Yeah, yeah, I would.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A child.

[D]

Well, no, a baby.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Because then you get to snuggle them. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Anyway, a child isn't a baby that can talk. Head.

[A]

Well, there's probably a point where a baby starts to talk before it's. You know. You know what I mean? Like. Like there's a crossover point, isn't it?

[D]

An almost toddler. Would that be kind of where we're. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Still, you still might go look at this baby.

[D]

Yes. Infant child.

[A]

But also they're saying. They're saying some little words.

[D]

Yeah. I love when they start talking. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Problems are bad. Pop ups or bread. Oh, you looked so shocked at me. That's the first time you've not been able to get through because you looked at me like, what has happened? What have I done?

[D]

Yeah, Because I didn't hear. I didn't know what you were saying.

[B]

Put those on bread, Marion. Keys. Pop those on bread.

[D]

Bread, bread, bread.

[B]

James, you looked genuinely. I've never had someone look hurt by it before. You look like I'd hurt your feelings.

[D]

No, no, I was confused.

[A]

But also you said you're scared of a lot of things.

[D]

I thought you were shouting abuse at me like people sometimes do in the street.

[B]

So what? I did hurt your feelings? That's what that was.

[D]

No, no, I'm always interested. I want to know what.

[B]

Yeah, no, no.

[D]

So that we could have a conversation. No, no, no. Bread. Thank you very much.

[B]

Who's shouting abuse at you?

[D]

Don't you know, just. Just people.

[B]

We'll beat them up.

[D]

Oh, thank you.

[B]

We're pretty tough. I stood up to Stephen Graham recently on the podcast when he came on the episode. He came on.

[D]

Who's Steve?

[B]

He's an actor. He's like a real tough guy or so he likes to think. And he came on here.

[D]

Is he from Liverpool?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, yeah, I know him. He's great.

[B]

I stood up.

[D]

Yeah. Stop.

[B]

Yeah, it was on the podcast. No one's heard it.

[A]

James Scott torn apart.

[B]

Everyone's heard it. I stood up to him on the podcast.

[D]

Yeah, good, good, good, good, good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know the phrase, he tore him a new one? You know that phrase?

[D]

He did.

[B]

It was my place.

[A]

Stephen tore James so many new ones. He was Covered in bum holes?

[D]

No.

[B]

Oh, Covered in bumholes.

[D]

What? It was the other way around.

[B]

Yeah. It's the other way around. He was like a colander. You would like some bread?

[D]

Bread. I'd like lots of bread. Thank you.

[B]

Lovely.

[A]

Yeah. Any particular type of bread?

[D]

If I only have to pick one? There's. There's a hotel in Ireland called Hotel Europe. It's in Kerry, and they have a treacle and Guinness bread. And I swear to God, I mean, I would just eat that for my entire dinner. But I realize I have to say other things as well. I really like bread. I really like bread and I really like butter. Bread and butter together. Like, you see, I have a funny relationship with food in that, like, I don't enjoy being hungry. And I like to move from the state of hungry to not hungry as quickly and efficiently as possible. But I am the absolute opposite of a foodie. Like, my idea of abject misery is. Oh, Christ. Being, like, trapped in a restaurant, having signed up to a nine course tasting menu, it's like being taken hostage. Like, it is like, you know, and I just want the people outside to pay whatever the ransom is so that I can be allowed go free. Because when the bread comes, I eat so much of it that I've lost all interest in whatever comes afterwards. All right, so we'll stick with one bread for this because I have to say other things as well afterwards. Isn't that correct?

[A]

Do you want us. So when we serve you the bread, do you want us to try and sort of keep an eye on how much you're having?

[D]

Nemesis, only maybe bring one piece.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And where's this place again?

[D]

It's in. It's in Killarney in County Kerry. It's called the Hotel Europe. I go every Easter with my brothers and sisters and their babies and my mother, and they have an Easter bunny hunt on a Sunday. And it's just. It's lovely. It's my happy, happy time.

[A]

How do you feel about the Easter Bunny, though?

[D]

I. I mean, it's funny because the younger nieces and nephews cried their eyes out whenever it comes near, but it usually has a basket of cream eggs and kinder, so I like it for that. I think I will make eye contact with it while also trying to steal some of the things from the basket. Anything where there's an opportunity for chocolate or sugar, I embrace. Yeah. So the Easter bunny is grand because although it is an animal, there are nice things associated with its arrival.

[B]

So if Easter bunny just turn around on your shoulder, I Wouldn't be delighted.

[D]

But then I would look down to see if the basket was there. And if the basket was there, then I would feel calm. Calm. Calm. Yes.

[B]

It scares the kiddies.

[D]

Really does. It's so weird. They're terrified. Like, they cry. Like, I've loads of photographs of them, like, with the Easter Bunny with his arms around them and they're crying their eyes out.

[A]

It's weird because what would they imagine the Easter Bunny was like? Because smaller. Like an actual bunny size.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, definitely. Definitely not this huge yolk with, like, ears that are, like, 8ft high and. And it's all a bit mangy, the costume, because it's the same costume every year, you know, like, you can't be buying new ones. Like, Easter Bunny costumes aren't cheap, I'd imagine. And also, there's something weird going on with the eyes. I don't think the eyes on the bunny is where the eyes are on the person. I think the person is looking out through the mouth. It's all a bit odd, really, when you think about it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

But then they get the chocolate as well, so then they stop crying.

[B]

Yeah, but that's not. It's not nice in the meantime.

[D]

No, it's not. I mean, we sort of find it cute and funny, but it's not nice for the children. No.

[B]

Yeah. That's why you're taking photos, because it is funny.

[D]

That's it. Yes.

[A]

It's traumatising for them.

[D]

It is a bit, I suppose. Yeah. But good for them.

[B]

Toughens them up. Is this bread warm?

[D]

Oh, God, yes, please. Yes, thank you.

[A]

And what sort of butter do you want with it?

[D]

Just ordinary Irish Kerrygold butter. Thank you.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's our test to check our guests that actually Irish. If they don't say Kerrygold, we know they're lying.

[D]

Yes, I am a fraud.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know how many guests from Ireland have not chosen Kerrygold.

[D]

Stop it.

[B]

But it's not many.

[D]

Yeah, okay, that's good. Do they really say it? That's so sweet.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Kerrygold comes up a lot with our Irish guests.

[D]

Yes, nice.

[B]

Like, you know, I'm as English as they come, but I lose respect for those people when they come on. When an Irish guest comes on and doesn't choose Kerrygold, I think you should be ashamed of yourself.

[D]

You should be ashamed of yourself.

[E]

This is Paige Desorbo from Giggly Squad Boost Mobile. Gives you the same network coverage, speed and service you're used to, just at a more affordable price. Why pay more if you don't have to. Offering reliable nationwide coverage backed by a 30 day money back guarantee. Love your service or get your money back, no questions asked? Visit your nearest Boost mobile store or head to boostmobile.com to learn more. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers who cancel within 30 days of activation will have Boost service fees refunded, activation fees if applicable, and phone payments will not be refunded.

[C]

Why choose a Sleep Number Smart Bed?

[D]

Can I make my site softer?

[B]

Can I make my site firmer?

[D]

Can we sleep cooler?

[C]

Sleep Number does that cools up to eight times faster and lets you choose your ideal comfort on either side. Your Sleep number setting it's the Sleep number biggest circle sale of the year. All beds on sale up to 50% off the limited edition smart bed plus free premium delivery with any smart bed and adjustable base ends Labor Day. All Sleep number Smart beds offer temperature solutions for your best sleep. Check it out at a Sleep number store or sleepnumber.com today it's that time.

[D]

Of year again, Back to school season, and Instacart knows that the only thing harder than getting back into the swing of things is getting all the back to school supplies, snacks and essentials you need. So here's your reminder to make your life a little easier this season. Shop favorites from Staples, Best Buy, and Costco, all delivered through Instacart so that you can get some time back and do whatever it is that you need to get your life back on track. Instacart, we're here.

[B]

Your dream starter.

[D]

Okay. Right. My husband makes it. I don't really know how to describe it.

[B]

He's in the building. Shout out.

[D]

He is. I have actually come with it written down somewhere. I might have to refer to my notes. It is.

[B]

You'll be able to hear this as well.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

If in the next room you can hear it.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

It is called a tomato and ricotta salad with coriander seed and lemon oil. But that sounds really kind of dull. These are lovely tomatoes. They're heritage tomatoes. Like, they're funny round colors, purple, yellow, and they taste of things. You know, the way like most tomatoes taste of cotton wool. These actually have a flavor and that says ricotta cheese here. But it's not. He uses. Oh God, Manchego. Manchego. Yeah. Which is a hard Spanish cheese. And then he does sourdough croutons soaked in olive oil. And they. Honest to God. And he does some funny sort of tomatoey reduction business. And it's so delicious.

[B]

What's the. Is There lettuce in it and stuff?

[D]

No, it's just those tomatoes and the croutons.

[B]

Oh, cool.

[D]

And then the other things thrown over. There's basil and maybe spring onion sometimes. But he's one of these people who does. He does things with whatever's in the fridge, you know.

[A]

Oh, great. You need someone like that in the.

[D]

House because it's not me. It's really not.

[B]

That's brilliant. It's like a. Like a fancy, elevated Caprese salad. It is. I love it.

[D]

It is, yes.

[A]

I love that coriander seed in there. Sounds incredible.

[D]

Yeah. Because he toasts them.

[A]

Oh.

[D]

He's one of these people that does all those things where it makes me really anxious if I have to do more than two things at once. I just kind of short circuit and I can't do anything and I have to sit and cry while the people who are expected come over and there's nothing for them to eat. I'm just not that person.

[A]

Also, I love a salad where every ingredient. I'm like, I'd look forward to eating that bit. Because so many salads, sometimes if there's cheese in other salads, I'm like, let's be honest, I'm picking through and finding the cheese.

[D]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you're exactly right. It is one of those kind of. It's like a jewel box and everything is delicious and fresh and tastes of things.

[A]

That sounds so good. And good tomatoes are very hard to find.

[D]

They are.

[B]

They are hard to find. As is a fella. How did you meet?

[D]

You're gorgeous.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're on fire.

[D]

Another seamless segue.

[A]

There's a queue in the stadium now for people to get out. It's gone very ordered, hasn't it?

[D]

It's really.

[B]

People are one port at a time.

[D]

And everyone is just so happy to do it, as you say.

[B]

Yeah, okay.

[D]

My flatmate worked with him. This is 4,000 years ago. This is a very long time ago. I'm with him for 30 years and he is lovely. He's really, really nice to me, which is rarer than you might think. And we have great fun. And when I met him, he had a fabulous job and I had a crappy one, and then my books got published and he gave up his fabulous job. And. And he is my assistant. Also my chef. My personal chef.

[B]

Yeah, great. You can have those salads whatever you want.

[D]

Whenever I want. Exactly. Yes. I ring down in the morning and I say my order for the day.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And. And then he goes to the shops he doesn't. And buys the things. No, no, no, it's not like that.

[A]

I used to think I had my dream job, but now I've realized my dream job is my wife becoming a worldwide smash novelist and me becoming her personal chef. Yeah, that's it.

[B]

You'd like that.

[A]

That's what I want to do now.

[B]

Do you have any advice for Ed's wife how to become a renowned novelist?

[D]

Well, if she could write some books, that would probably start.

[A]

That would be a good start, wouldn't it?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Ask somebody. Not me. No, I mean, yeah, like anyone who wants to write. There are no kind of. You don't need anyone's permission.

[A]

I think I just want to cook more. I think that's what.

[D]

Oh, really?

[A]

Okay. That's what it is. Yeah. I'll just cook for her more.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

It doesn't matter if she's a novelist or not.

[D]

Yeah, it doesn't matter. It doesn't. Yeah, it's true.

[B]

She's got a hollow power. End of the deal. Yeah, a bit novelist.

[D]

Does she have a job?

[A]

Yes, she does.

[B]

This is fine.

[D]

This is fine.

[B]

Yeah, you can cook.

[A]

Yeah, I'll just.

[D]

She'll do her job.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. Yeah.

[B]

You gotta quit your job.

[A]

Oh, yeah, good point. I've got to quit my job.

[D]

So would you mind?

[B]

You can do it now to Benito, I guess.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How did you notice?

[A]

Now I think I would mind maybe quitting my job.

[D]

Okay, then don't. Don't quit.

[A]

Yeah, Just cook more. Just cook a bit more.

[D]

Yes. We don't have to go to the extremes every time. No, no. We can just do things in a small way.

[A]

We can just find our own way with it. We don't have to do exactly what you and your husband did.

[D]

We don't. We don't exactly.

[B]

I thought I was going to get him to quit. I thought I could do it.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I thought I could get him to hand his notice.

[D]

Oh, come now. No. The pair of you are beautiful together. Three of you.

[B]

Not the three of us. He's up all week.

[A]

He's been up all week. Mar.

[B]

Your dream main course.

[D]

Okay. I don't eat meat and. Or fish. Not for any reasons other than they give me the ache. And it's very, very difficult.

[A]

You really. You're holding up this thing about animals.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. Anything that reminds me that they were once alive and swimming around or running around just distresses me terribly. But it's really hard to be a vegetarian because the only thing they ever Give you is mushrooms. And I also hate mushrooms. They taste like death. They taste like sort of mulch and like they've been buried in forests with rotting leaves above them. It's just miserable. Anyway, there's a place in Ireland called Woodruff. It's place, it's a restaurant in Dublin and they do a thing with butternut squash where they roast the butternut squash in a sort of a dry stew with chickpeas. Now, I know this sounds maybe not thrilling, but it is delicious. And they use, hang on, tlaisi now, ras el hanout, some sort of collection of Moroccan spices, I think, and it is on a. They roast the squash so that it is almost sweet and it's all gone sort of caramelized and it's honest to God, and it is so soft and fabulous. It's a pleasure to eat instead of kind of the misery of vegetarian food, which is usually such a kind of an afterthought. And this place, this Woodruff place, they also do meaty things like, I mean, you see, my husband will eat anything and kind of the more awful, the better. Like we were in Estonia and yet bear and we were in France and they had this thing on the menu that we eventually translated as cock's comb. You know, the thing on the rooster's head.

[A]

Oh, yeah, a chicken hat.

[D]

A chicken hat, exactly.

[A]

I didn't know you could eat the chicken hat.

[D]

Yeah, well, neither did we until we saw it there. And so he ordered it and it caused like a sensation in the restaurant. Like all the French people came out to talk to him. And you know, first of all, the maitre d had to come out and persuade him not to have it. And then the manager of the whole hotel came out and tried to talk him down. And then when it finally came and he was eating it, like everyone, like the kitchen porters, like people came in from the streets to watch la roast beef eating the disgusting French chicken hat. But anyway, woodruff, they don't exactly do that, but they do other things like. Well, duck, I suppose. Doesn't seem that kind of revolutionary, but it kind of is repulsive to me. Or what's that other thing? Venison, you know, they do that as well. They do nice things for meat eaters is what I'm trying to say. But they don't leave the likes of me behind. So what would we call it? Squash with chickpea soup. It's stew.

[B]

Yeah, with ras el hanout.

[A]

That's roasted.

[D]

Because the whole thing is roasted.

[B]

I have most of the butternut Squash in a while, that was. I used to be doing that pretty regularly and having a good old time.

[A]

They're a bugger to chop up, though.

[B]

And to peel initially.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, they are.

[A]

That first cut into a butternut squash is.

[D]

Yeah, it's really difficult. Yeah. Which is why you should go to Woodruff. I am not in the pay of these people at all. They're just. They're nice. It's a nice small restaurant where they do, like, lovely. Lovely food. And they're nice to you and they play lovely music.

[B]

What kind of music we talking?

[D]

Well, the Jam and that sort of thing.

[B]

They play the jam.

[D]

They play the jam and kind of 80s, good 80s music, you know.

[A]

Is that important to you in a restaurant setting, the music?

[D]

Well, yeah. I mean, it's awful to have sort of Muzak on, but it is really nice. The Cure is another one they play. You know, you sit there, oh, my God, I remember this. And, yeah, it kind of adds to the whole. It uplifts me, you know, I remember what it was like being 20 and. Yeah.

[B]

Do you ever listen to music when you're writing? I'm sure you've been asked this a lot.

[D]

Yeah, I don't.

[B]

Does it ever inspire you?

[D]

Sometimes it depends on what I'm writing. Not really, to be honest with you. It's not. It's just that I don't really notice it. I just kind of go into my own head, like, I don't need silence or anything like that. But it's not really part of the experience either.

[B]

So when it comes to something like the Walsh sisters, which is gonna have music in there somewhere. TV shows.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Do you think, like, oh, okay, that book that I wrote, what music do I think would fit with that world? And can I, like, you know, throw some ideas?

[D]

There was a little bit in both my favorite mistake and the previous book, again, Rachel, because both of them featured these men who used to be. They called them the real men who used to listen to a lot of Led Zeppelin and stuff, because they were just, you know, that type stuck in the past. And so I did. I listened to some and to some. Who do you call them? The Doobie Brothers. Yeah. Yeah. It did kind of conjure up, like, what they looked like. But I would really like to talk about the music for the TV show, if you would be of interested.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Do you know C Mat?

[B]

Yes. We had her on the podcast.

[A]

She was on this podcast.

[D]

God.

[B]

And did she choose Kerrygold?

[D]

Of course she did.

[A]

She may well have done.

[D]

That woman is a Goddess. Okay. She wrote a song, and one of the lines in it was the Marion Keys of it all. And I am a. Not young, and she is young. And I was so thrilled that she knew about me. And then I listened to her then, and, like, I just. I love her so much. I love her attitude and I love her. Her energy and her. And she's positive and she's fearless, and, I mean, she's an absolute star. But anyway, so they were talking, the producers of the TV show, about, you know, using music for the episodes and hopefully Irish musicians. So she and I had become pals. And so I asked her if she would allow one of her songs, maybe the Marion Keys song, to be used. And she said she would be thrilled. And now there is talk that she might write an actual special new song for. I know, I know that's not really what you asked me, but it was something that I really enjoyed. Yeah. Like talking about. It's so exciting because she is just. She's just remarkable. She's a complete one off. And I love her. And kind of anyone who has encountered her in any way seems to love her. She's just beautiful energy.

[B]

Did you see Seema on the George Holland Hooter Nanny?

[D]

I didn't. Because. I didn't. Yeah, because it's on too late and. But, like. Yeah, I didn't. But I'm so glad because that seemed to have converted an awful lot of people who didn't know about her.

[B]

Well, I mean, yeah, we were watching it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we knew, obviously, we interviewed her new music anyway. But this is gonna sound like I'm slagging off everyone else on the hootenanny, and I basically am. She was so much better than everyone else in a way that was quite embarrassing for everyone else. That's. That's what I'll say. And if Bob Geldoff wants to come at me, he will.

[D]

Never mind him.

[B]

Your dream side dish.

[D]

Oh, okay. Right. How do we hassle. Hassle back potatoes?

[B]

I nearly jumped in and said, hof. And then I thought, leave it alone.

[D]

You nearly said no, I said hassle hoff. Yeah. Thank God I didn't. Yeah. Hassle back potatoes. Now, do you know what they are? I think you do.

[B]

Great.

[A]

Please, for the listener.

[D]

Yeah. Okay. Right. They are a potato, and they have loads and loads and loads of tiny, thin slices cut into them. But the bottom of the potato is still intact. So it's kind of like a little fan, a little accordion. And into the little pleats, you put, like, tons of butter. Kerrygold of course. And you can do. I mean, you can do other things. You can do beetroot like that as well. But like, I mean, why would you. When you could do a potato that. I would love that so much.

[B]

Heavily seasoned with salt.

[D]

Yeah, tons of salt. Thank you.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

There's no need for the pepper, thanks.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Not a fan of the pepper.

[D]

I don't mind it. But I think potatoes leave them alone. Salt and butter is all you need, you know, why ruin something that's already magnificent? Perfect.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What sort of size potato are you?

[D]

Oh, very big one. Very big.

[A]

Massive one.

[D]

Massive. Massive. But a foot long, if at all possible, and very, very, very slender slices.

[B]

Yeah. If the hasselback potato comes along, I want to see the seasoning on it. I want there to be light. The more slices the better.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

And I want there to be crispy little bits of seasoning on all those crystals of salt.

[D]

Not the kind of the miniscule, mingy table salt. You want some of that Himalayan pink salt.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You know, great big handfuls of it.

[D]

Yeah, that's it with the color.

[A]

So you're having kerrygold butter in every little slip.

[D]

Every single one.

[A]

So you can get a pack of butter in there easily.

[D]

Oh, easy. That would be the. The dream.

[A]

Yeah. Well, this is the dream.

[B]

Is there a place where you've had the best hasselback potatoes?

[D]

I know this is going to sound. And I'm really sorry. My husband is fantastic at this.

[A]

Going to have to do make one tonight. This guy.

[B]

Keep up with this guy.

[A]

This guy's leaving me in the goddamn dust.

[D]

No, it's. It's just. It's inspiration.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Go and tell us about some of the things you've made. Please. Come on.

[B]

Yeah, come on.

[A]

Chicken. I don't know. Chicken.

[D]

Say it again.

[A]

Chicken.

[D]

Chicken.

[A]

What way, Rose, Come on. Roast chicken.

[D]

You cannot beat a lovely roast chicken. So I'm told.

[A]

Lamb.

[D]

Lamb. So I. Lamb can be lovely. So I'm told.

[B]

Slow cooked lamb.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

What about some of your veggie stuff that.

[A]

Yeah, but like, now you're asking. Oh, yeah, we talked. We talked with Mirasoda about it. Loads from Mirasoda's book.

[B]

The tomato curry.

[A]

Tomato curry?

[D]

Yeah. Tomato curry.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, tell me. Yeah, Tomato.

[B]

How do you do it?

[D]

Come on now, don't be shy.

[A]

It's quite a complicated recipe because you have to have two pans going at the same time and then mix them. But yeah, yeah, it's delicious. Not everyone could do that.

[D]

Dan.

[A]

Dan. Noodles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With a lot of tahini and black.

[D]

Aren't you a lot of tahini? Oh, God. Tahini is the most wonderful thing. Yeah, but to have two pans going at the same time, I mean, that's, that's elite stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Did your husband do that?

[D]

I don't think he can, you know, I don't think he can.

[A]

He's a one, he's a one time man.

[D]

Yeah. See, and you're a two pan man.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

You see?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You're fabulous.

[A]

Thank you. Thank you.

[B]

If I, if I was, if I, you know, I would trust a one pound man more than a two pound man.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[B]

I think one's not enough for this guy.

[D]

No. I love the show of dexterity with the two.

[B]

I think a two pound man might get bored in a monogamous relationship.

[A]

I'm a two pound man. One man band.

[B]

Do you want David Hasselhoff there?

[D]

Oh, God, I'd really rather not. You mind. I was in a room with him once.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

He was singing a song that was very odd.

[B]

Is that the one about his car? Remember that one? It was.

[A]

Did you see that on the Berlin Wall? Well, he played on. He played in Berlin the day the wall came down. Right. Because he's massive in Germany.

[D]

He's massive in Germany. Yeah. I shouldn't be mean about the chap. No, no, no, no, it's fine. I wish him well. I wish him well. Yes, but no, I'm fine.

[A]

He doesn't have to be there.

[D]

No, just the potatoes themselves are fine. Yes.

[B]

What was it? So you sing one of one of his own songs in a room with you?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Where was this room?

[A]

Was it a gig? Did you go to a David Hasselhoff gig? No.

[D]

I thought we were friends. No, I was in a TV studio and we were on a show in Ireland and then the show stopped running, you know, the camera stopped. It was the end, you know, and the next thing he grabs a microphone and has some words with the band and he's up singing again. It was a hostage. It felt like, you know, that we were all trapped and we all had to kind of look delighted. And I just wanted to go home because I was tired, but I had to look delighted and wait for the song to end. It was nothing against him in particular, it's just that I didn't grab the mic and have a word with the band and start singing.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

You know, you have to make it okay with people if you're going to do that.

[A]

I think and sense the vibe in.

[D]

The Room, read the room. The room was tired and wanted to go home.

[B]

Did he think the audience was tired?

[D]

Oh, no. Thought the audience were delighted. Maybe the audience were delighted.

[B]

I think with that stuff. Like, I think I would never do that. Cause I would think of it as like, you've already done your interview, James. You don't need him to pay even more attention to you. Just get over it.

[A]

Also, it's self awareness, isn't it?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

He should be thinking, I'm David Hasselhoff, I'm not Bruce Springsteen. Maybe.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Do people wanna hear this?

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

But then I think if I'm in the audience and I'm not in this world all the time and I've gone to see the TV show and I didn't know there'd be so much stopping and starting with the TV show and wait, wait a second, everyone. And the warmup comes out again and you're there for hours. And then David Hasselhoff got up and sang with the band. I might be pretty delighted with it.

[D]

Yeah, they probably were. And I'm just a curmudgeon.

[B]

No, I'd feel the same as you. I'd be like, like, oh, this guy. I'd be worse than you. But like, I think it's a really good point though.

[D]

Yeah, the audience probably were delighted.

[B]

But then I'd think if he thinks the audience would be delighted about this, even more egotistical.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

But some people do. I mean. Yeah, well, it takes all sorts. See, and the thing is, Bruce probably wouldn't. No, Because Bruce is sound. Bruce knows who Bruce is. I love Bruce.

[B]

He says. Bruce says the best place is the best place. His favorite place to gig in the world is Ireland.

[D]

Bruce says, yeah, stop it.

[B]

Favorite place in the world to do shows. Did you know that?

[D]

I didn't, but I'm very, very pleased.

[B]

The Boss.

[A]

What would you do if you met David Hasselhoff and he turned around, he had loads of slits down his back and there was stuffed with butter and.

[B]

Covered in big salt crystals.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

No, I'd leave them to it. Say you do you, David. Good on you. Yeah.

[B]

Imagine that is a scene in Baywatch where he's like running down the beach and then they show it from the back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they go, what the fuck?

[A]

Yeah. Then he runs into the sea and it's the most painful thing in the world.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Because he's all hassle backed, his Hasslehoff.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yes. It could happen.

[B]

Could happen.

[E]

This is Paige Desorbo from Giggly Squad, Boost Mobile Gives you the same network coverage, speed and service you're used to, just at a more affordable price. Why pay more if you don't have to? Offering reliable nationwide coverage backed by a 30 day money back guarantee. Love your service or get your money back, no questions asked. Visit your nearest Boost Mobile store or head to boostmobile.com to learn more. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers who cancel within 30 days of activation will have Boost service fees refunded, activation fees if applicable, and phone payments will not be refunded.

[D]

This is not a drill. You can get the new iPhone 16e with Apple Intelligence for just $49.99 when you switch to Boost Mobile.

[B]

Wait, that's the actual fire alarm? We need to go Visit your nearest.

[D]

Boost Mobile store for full offer details.

[A]

Apple Intelligence requires iOS 18.1 or later. Restrictions apply.

[B]

Your dream drink, right?

[D]

As I said, I don't drink, and this makes me sound so joyless, but I'm really happy with water. You see, when you don't drink and you say to the man, sorry, I'm fine, I don't drink. And then there's a kind of a weird moment and they're like, what's wrong with her? And, no, like always, you know, and then I have to, it's all right, I'm a recovering alcoholic. And then the, you know, status. And then you see, because the poor feckers, like, they, they're trying to upsell like I am no good to them with my, with my tap water. I mean, it doesn't have to be tap water, but whatever. And so. Oh, we can do some lovely mocktails for you. And I don't want a mocktail because I just, I'm happy with my water. But I usually let them do it because I don't want them to be down a tenner, you know, or whatever. So they usually make me something with ginger or what's that other thing? Rosemary. I'll say words. I'll say words. Or they might say words to me and I don't really listen because this is a done deal. Whatever is going to happen, you know, they're gonna make me a mocktail and I'm going to drink it, or some of it anyway. So they would bring me a mocktail with things hanging out of it, like a sprig of rosemary or maybe like a, you know, some sort of branch, you know, part of an ash tree and fruit, maybe some. A melon maybe, or things that, you.

[A]

Know, a whole melon.

[D]

A whole melon and a straw Because I ask for a straw. Because you might as well. Like if you're doing it, do it properly. And so they would bring me it and I will drink it and. But I have no interest in it, you know, But I will do it because I don't want them to be short of money. I don't want to be that. You know, because everybody comes in and they think they're going to make X amount of money out of each person and then suddenly you have like the non drinker and like suddenly all the calculations are thrown into disarray. So I know my role in the whole, the restaurant ecosystem.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So, yeah, so I will have a mocktail, but I don't really care what it is because I'm only drinking it to be polite.

[A]

Well, you don't need to do that at the dream restaurant.

[D]

Okay, well then I won't have any if that's okay with you. I'm happy with my water.

[B]

If you put the melon away, I'll put the ash tree away.

[D]

Yeah, but the ash tree might be nice in the water.

[B]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[D]

Okay. Yeah, no, I'm really, really happy with the water. I mean, I know it sounds odd, but I like water.

[B]

I think it's odd like. Cause like you can get alcoholic drinks that aren't too sweet. Non alcoholic drinks are all pretty sweet. You don't really have ones that aren't crazy sweet. And you don't want to be just constantly drinking sweet drinks all the time.

[D]

Yeah, like I don't like.

[B]

It does do your head in. Whenever I have a break from alcohol, I'm like, these soft drinks are really like, this is getting ridiculous how sweet all this stuff is.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

It's so sugary.

[D]

If you're an alcoholic, beers and wines that do you drink them?

[B]

I, I haven't found a good one. Really. And in the past, I've said it on the podcast before when people have sent me alcohol free stuff. I've chucked alcohol in there, added, added whiskey to an alcohol free beer and, and that's one of the things I did during lockdown. One of the nicest drinks. I loved it. But I knew that I wasn't really playing the game as it's intended to be played.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

But yeah, I haven't found a good alcohol free. But have you?

[D]

You see, I don't, I can't like even anything that replicates the drinking experience isn't. Isn't good for me. So I don't. But I'm happy with my water.

[A]

Yeah, well, look, this Is this is going to be your drink in the dream restaurant, then?

[D]

Thank you.

[B]

So you're sticking with sparkling?

[D]

Well, I change just to mix it up a bit. Yeah. After my main course. Yeah. I'll go into my dessert water. Yes, we'll have it still.

[B]

Yeah. Do you want tap water at some point as well?

[D]

Not really, to be honest. I mean, I do have kind of aspirations. I would like it to be like proper mineral water. Would that be all right?

[B]

Of course it would be.

[D]

Thank you.

[B]

We did want tap to not get a shout out.

[A]

A wedge of citrus.

[D]

Oh, God. Some lime?

[A]

Some lime.

[D]

Some lime would be lovely. Some lemon? Absolutely not.

[B]

Really?

[D]

There's a huge difference. I don't understand. When people say they're the same, they're not.

[A]

Who's saying they're the same?

[D]

Loads of people.

[A]

Yeah, well, they're ridiculous.

[D]

You know, you ask for lime and they give you lemon. It's like, no, lemon is cruel and harsh and lime is friendly and sweeter.

[B]

And just better people who think they're the same. So I went all high pitched there.

[A]

Yeah. What a wonderful moment to be here when your voice broke.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Finally it's happened.

[A]

My voice broke and maybe that pube was yours.

[B]

I wish. That's next. Next I'll start growing. That's why it looks so big to me. I ain't got none.

[D]

I never got nothing to compare it to.

[B]

Nothing to compare it to. I was like, what a huge pube. And everyone else was like, it's pretty normal.

[D]

Normal size.

[B]

It's pretty normal sized.

[A]

Normal size.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I meant normal, pretend. Well, where's one of my. I mean, I've said this on the podcast before a number of times, but I always like telling guests. One of my earliest bits of comedy material was I used to go on stage and say, hey, do you remember when you. You didn't have pubes yet, but you told everyone at school that you did and got nothing?

[D]

Deathly silenced.

[B]

Nothing. Every time. I thought it was a. Well, I don't really.

[D]

I would have thought that was a great icebreaker.

[B]

I thought it was an observation. I thought it was universal. I thought we all lied about them in pubes.

[A]

But it's still a good bit because it tells the audience something about you. Rather than being universal observation, it wasn't.

[B]

Something they wanted to know, I don't think.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

You know, they were just too ashamed to admit it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you put things into your book sometimes where you think, everyone does this. This is universal. And then you discover when the Book comes out, maybe in interviews.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

They're like, oh, that was just me.

[D]

What was that all about? Yeah, that's mortifying.

[B]

Are you able to just be like, well, that was the character.

[D]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's exactly what I say. Yeah. I mean, they develop a life of their own. I say. I mean, I'm really not responsible for most of their actions or words.

[B]

We arrive at your dream dessert. Now, I feel quite good about this because you said earlier that, you know, anything, anything chocolatey, you're all over it. So I know that we're gonna have a sweet dessert. We're not gonna have anything. Okay. So they're just like a cheese board.

[D]

Okay? No, God, no. No, not a cheese board at all. Okay. It's an unusual one. It's the trifle that my mother makes. The only thing is she only makes it once a year now and she makes it at Christmas and she puts sherry into it just to be cruel so that I can't have it. So I would like to have the shell, the trifle without the sherry.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I mean they have about 40 desserts at Christmas, all of them, and they're all langers by 10 o' clock in the morning. And like, and I come and like, I am in good form, I'm completely sober and. And they won't even let me have one thing, the trifle for me. So that's what I'd like. I would like to have my mother's trifle specially made for me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What would be a good. There must be a good replacement for the sherry in there. Like a non alcoholic replacement, surely.

[D]

Yeah. Like fruit juice or something like that. It's not. I mean, they're all so drunk, it doesn't matter. They can't taste it anyway. Yeah, but she just does it to be defiant. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And also it's like in her mind, she makes this thing every year, special thing. Why would she change it?

[D]

Yeah. And she only makes one thing a year now, you know, but yeah, that's what I'd like. I'd love it because I miss it because it's like really delicious and really comforting. Like, you know, there's. God, I love custard, you know, and I love cream and jelly. Like all the things, the cake, everything. I would really, really like it. And then maybe some chocolate sauce.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Drizzled on top of it.

[D]

Yes, yes.

[B]

What's your favorite element of the trifle?

[D]

The custard. Oh, yeah, sorry.

[B]

No, go on. I'll ask the next question afterwards because I Want to hear about the custard first?

[D]

I mean, I love, love, love. It's the ultimate comfort food set. Custard, runny custard, hot custard, cold custard. Any custard? Yeah. It's just really, really nice.

[B]

And if you could be any element of the trifle, which element would you be? Maybe it's the one that you relate to the most. Maybe it's one you aspirationally would like to be.

[D]

Okay. I'd like to be the cream, I think, especially, you know that squirty cream that comes out of a can?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

You see, like, the way it would go on the top of the trifle, it would look kind of very decorative immediately. You're not just, like, putting it on with a spoon and then trying to smooth the surface and all. You're already getting peaks and valleys and it looks like a snow place. I'd like that.

[A]

You'd like to be the cream.

[D]

I would like to be the cream because it is superficially attractive.

[B]

So let's see if this.

[A]

It's the psychopath of the trifle.

[D]

It's the psychopath aspect. Yes, exactly.

[B]

We've had guests choose trifle before.

[D]

Have you?

[B]

Harry Hill, Jamie Oliver, Jamali Maddox and some other ones.

[D]

I just remembered this.

[A]

Yeah. This is insane. I can't remember this.

[B]

Remember those three?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Armando Iannucci, Steve Coogan, Aspa Khan, Amy Gledhill. Oh, my God. So normally I'm in.

[D]

Great.

[A]

Yeah, you are. That's a very, very good company. Yeah.

[B]

I'd ask people that if they were layered up like a trifle with the other people who had chosen the trifle, what order would they be layered up with?

[A]

A weird pervert question.

[B]

Yeah. Who would you want to be in between if I layered all those people up like a trifle? Including yourself.

[A]

But your end's the cream, so she's on top.

[D]

No, no, I'm willing to change. Okay. I'm fierce fond of Steve Coogan and I can't pronounce his name.

[B]

Armando Iannucci.

[D]

Yeah. I love his work. I just think he's. I think they're both so clever. I'd have. I'd be delighted to be a sandwich with them.

[B]

They do a lot of projects together, so they might be talking across you about a project they've got. They've just done Dr. Strangelove on the West End. They do Partridge together.

[D]

Right, I see, I see.

[B]

Are you gonna be able to put up with that if they're either side of you throwing back and forth Ideas.

[D]

I'd love it. I would find it so interesting. I'd be honored. And, like, I don't have to say anything. I can just be there. I can be like, I don't know, a thin layer of jelly. You know, I don't mind. I know my place and the ecosystem. Like, I'd be delighted.

[A]

I think they'd be delighted as well.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So you want this trifle, but without the sherry.

[D]

Yes, thanks.

[A]

We. We know your husband's in the building.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Shout out. He will now surely, as your personal chef, be plotting, making a trifle recipe without the sherry. And if he did that, would you enjoy it as much as your mother's trifle?

[D]

Probably not, to be honest. And this is no shade on him. It's just because it kind of. It's a substitute for love. And. Yeah, it would feel like love if my mother made it. My mother is a school of tough love kind of love person. Yeah. And she mostly shows her love to me by suggesting I go to the doctor. And it's funny because, yeah, like, you know, with all the books and everything, it's kind of not anything that she's interested in, but anytime I have a cough or anything like that, she's. Oh, Marian, you have a cough. Do you want to go to the doctor with that? And I think, oh, God, that's lovely. Go on, say. And, you know, so that she'll be nice to me. So. Yeah. But having the trifle would feel like another version of that. So. Yeah. Yeah, it's not really about the trifle. Yeah, it's not about the trifle at all. You know, get enough.

[B]

Love your husband.

[D]

Yeah, he loves me. Anyway. I know.

[B]

There's no substitute needed.

[D]

No, exactly. Whereas my mother. I would love that.

[B]

Yeah. Well, there you go. See, that was Ed there, trying to set your husband up for failure because he's feeling so.

[A]

Again, it was. I think it was just either. It was a good question.

[B]

It feels like he's in competition with your husband. He wants to try and.

[D]

Family dynamics and. And the psychology of the relationship. Yeah. What does the trifle actually represent?

[A]

A husband. A husband can't offer a mother's love.

[D]

That man is a genius. You need a podcast doing that sort.

[A]

Of thing on, you know, something a bit more serious.

[D]

Yeah. A different podcast to this one, which is magnificent, but another one where you would also be magnificent talking about family dynamics and love. What people really want, what people mean when they say. Or what. What they're asking for when they ask for something that they're really asking.

[A]

And it's gonna be called Mummy's Trifle.

[D]

Oh, yeah. That's beautiful. Yeah.

[B]

You should do it together. You do it.

[D]

Ask somebody. Not me. No, no, you. You work that out all by yourself. You create that role for yourself all by yourself.

[B]

I would love Ed to do a really serious podcast about family.

[A]

Do you produce it, Benito?

[B]

He's shaking his head.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I read your menu. Back to you now. See how you feel about it.

[D]

Thank you.

[B]

You would like sparkling water. You would like treacling Guinness bread, warm, from the Hotel Europe in Killarney. Sorry. I burped into the microphone with Kerry. Bold butter. I read that again.

[A]

You can't. You can't be on Mummy's Trifle.

[B]

Why would I not be on that?

[A]

You can't burp during Mummy's Trifle.

[B]

But you got to be a serious and.

[D]

Yeah, but you could assess what. Yeah, you could.

[A]

What does that burp mean?

[D]

What does that mean, the burp mean? What are you trying to say? What? What in your body needs to come out?

[B]

Yeah. What was it that I was struggling with?

[A]

Well, all the words are in the.

[B]

Kitchen because I had to say the word Europe and it reminded me of Brexit. When I got. Oh, you see, you got emotional.

[D]

Look where we are.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

This got very deep, very fast.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Thanks to Dr. Ed.

[B]

He didn't do anything.

[A]

You think I didn't do anything?

[D]

Aha. You're the facilitator. Yeah. It's the facilitator's job to just be kind of invisible.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Starter, you would like your husband's tomato and ricotta salad or it's not ricotta, it's Manchego. We have coriander seeds and lemon oil. Main course, you would like roast butternut squash with chickpea stew and raz el Hanoush from Woodruff in Dublin. Side dish, your husband's Hasselback potatoes with Kerrygold again making a second appearance. Drink happy with still water at this time with lime, wedge of lime. Dessert, your mother's trifle without the sherry with some chocolate sauce drizzled over it.

[D]

Perfect. Thank you so much.

[A]

That's a lovely, lovely menu.

[B]

It does sound nice. It sounds very tasty. I'd eat that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Can we request that you work into one of your books like a character having that meal and then just as a little Easter egg for fans.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

I can try this episode.

[D]

Okay. I can try. I can try.

[B]

So it could just be just. Then they ate this.

[A]

You know. You know what's happening now? Is the exact discussion we talked about that you have with your editors? Yes, that's happening now. Could you work that into your book? And you've gone, yeah, yeah, I'll try. Yeah, yeah. Never gonna happen.

[B]

Yeah. And I've gone home feeling great.

[D]

Not going to happen. Yeah. In all honesty, yes. But thank you for asking.

[B]

Yeah, It's a pleasure.

[A]

Now. Now you're. You're asking.

[B]

Is the name you are asking now? I'm asking.

[D]

No, he was asking.

[B]

Yes, I'm doing my own podcast. If I was going off and doing his own one, I'm gonna do my one called Now I'm Asking. Yeah, but I ask the questions I want you to answer on your podcast.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

So it's just me asking questions for an hour.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

And I'll put that out every week and I'll listen to yours and see if.

[D]

And see if. Yeah, if we can. Okay, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And you'll answer a third of them. And James knows that, which is why he asks three times as many.

[D]

Yes, exactly. Yeah. So we all understand what's really going on.

[B]

Can't wait. Top of the podcast charts.

[A]

Top of the charts.

[B]

Number two under Mummy's trifle.

[A]

Marianne, thank you so much for coming to the dream restaurant. Thank you so much. Well, there we are. James, What a wonderful episode.

[B]

Wonderful menu, wonderful stories. Yeah, I loved it. I mean, also, I liked talking about. Now you're asking.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

The podcast that Marion does with Tara Flynn. And very much looking forward to the Walsh sisters coming out the BBC drama.

[A]

Keep an eye out, because they're filming it now. We don't have a date, so they're filming it now.

[B]

As we're. As we're talking. They're filming it in Dublin.

[A]

So, of course. Go and get your copy of my favorite mistake.

[B]

Yes, absolutely.

[A]

We can talk about all that stuff because Marion didn't say to Minto.

[B]

Didn't say to Minto. So we didn't have to kick her out the restaurant, of course. And we had a lovely chat with her husband afterwards, who we'd heard so much about in the episode. And Ed was holding on to him and going, teach me.

[A]

Teach me your ways.

[B]

I want to be like you.

[A]

I want to. I want to cook more.

[B]

Yeah, I want to cook more. How do you do it?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Are you gonna cook that something? Gonna make that salad?

[A]

Yeah, I think so. I need to go and find some really good tomatoes.

[B]

Achievable.

[A]

Yeah, I need to go. And I. I mean, I'm so bad at knowing when the seasons are for things.

[B]

Yeah. Sure.

[A]

One of the tomatoes. Good.

[B]

When are the heritage tomatoes?

[A]

Yeah, baby.

[B]

They are the best. But they look so great.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I know exactly how Mary described it. I was like, oh yeah.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

I want one of those right now.

[A]

Oh, baby.

[B]

Oh, baby.

[A]

On a tomato that's so good. You can eat it like an apple.

[B]

Yeah, that would be good. Like a little apple. Walk around. Did you walk around and publicate in.

[D]

That like an apple?

[A]

Maybe not. It'd be quite messy. I think to. Yeah, it's difficult to eat it. An apple and the rest of the hand fruits are that. You can walk around. They're portable, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then you throw away the core of a.

[B]

Not everyone does not people eat the core.

[A]

We've talked about it before.

[B]

People eat the core and like. But I also, I. It's been a while since I've heard the mortar referred to as hand fruits and it was very nice to hear that.

[A]

I. I think it's a bit in Family Guy, you know, and it's just really stuck with me. Something about a strawberry. Strawberry being so big.

[B]

Forgot you love. You love Family Guy.

[A]

Is it like a hand fruit? First two seasons.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Blew me away. Stand by it. I think I was the right age for it then as well.

[B]

Yeah. No, it's funny. It's talking baby. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Come on. People forget that when that came out. That was wild.

[B]

Yeah. We talked about baby earlier.

[A]

The Simpsons didn't dare make that baby talk.

[B]

No.

[A]

Family Guy, they're crossing the line.

[B]

They were stuck trying to think of what do we do with this. Yeah, non talking baby. We've got Family Guy, whole character.

[A]

Give it a voice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Thank you to Marion. And we will be back next week.

[B]

We will be back next week. Hi, this is Penn and Kim Holderness.

[A]

From the Laugh Lines podcast.

[D]

If you're like me, buying anything turns into a nightmare research spiral. But listen, if you're trying to upgrade your phone, I'm about to save you from yourself. Because right now you can get the new iPhone 16e with Apple Intelligence when you switch at your nearest Boost mobile store.

[A]

That is a brand spanking new iPhone 16e for the incredible price of 49.99. Plus you're getting all the latest Apple Intelligence features like cleanup, which removes distraction.

[B]

From photos with just a tap.

[D]

Visit your nearest Boost mobile store for full offer details. And Apple Intelligence requires iOS 18.1 or later restrictions apply.

[E]

Consider this year sign to skip the what's for dinner debate. Tonight, Outback steakhouse has a three course meal starting at just $14.99. Start with soup or salad, then take your pick of down under entrees like our juicy Towering Burger or Flame Grilled Shrimp and for dessert, New York style cheesecake, plus $8 cocktails all day, every day. Three courses starting at $14.99. Tell the group chat. You'll see them at Outback. Price and participation may vary.

[D]

Close your eyes. Visualize your appliances and home systems. Protected Covered Repairs and replacements taken care of Washers, dryers, AC units.

[B]

Now.

[D]

Say it with me American Home Shield Warranty American Home Shield don't worry, be.

[A]

Warranty for 20% off our plans. Visit ahs.com listen see ahs.com contracts for coverage details, including limit amounts, fees, limitations and exclusions.